Input:
Q: Who are the authors of this book, and what are their credentials?
A: The authors of the book are Jessica O'Reilly, PhD, and Marla Renee Stewart, MA. Jessica O'Reilly has a PhD in human sexuality and is a sexologist, while Marla Renee Stewart has a master's degree in sexual health education and is a sexologist and intimacy coach.

Q: What is the title of the book, and what does it suggest about its content?
A: The title of the book is "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay: Techniques and Strategies for Mind-Blowing Sex." The title suggests that the book is a comprehensive guide to the art of seduction and foreplay, with a focus on providing practical techniques and strategies that can lead to more satisfying sexual experiences.

Q: Who is the intended audience for this book, and what are their likely motivations for reading it?
A: The intended audience for this book is likely adults who are interested in improving their sexual relationships and experiences. They may be motivated to read the book for a variety of reasons, including a desire to learn new techniques, improve their communication skills, or deepen their connection with their partner.

Q: What is the tone of the book, and how does it contribute to its overall message?
A: Based on the title and authors' credentials, it's likely that the tone of the book is informative, supportive, and sex-positive. The authors may use a conversational style to make the material accessible and engaging, while also providing evidence-based information and practical tips. This tone contributes to the overall message that sex is a natural and enjoyable part of life that can be enhanced through education and communication.

Q: How might the authors approach the topic of seduction, and what techniques or strategies might they suggest?
A: The authors may approach the topic of seduction from a holistic perspective, taking into account the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of attraction and desire. They may suggest techniques such as building anticipation, creating a sensual environment, and communicating clearly and openly about desires and boundaries. They may also emphasize the importance of body language, eye contact, and nonverbal cues in conveying interest and intent.

Q: How might the authors approach the topic of foreplay, and what techniques or strategies might they suggest?
A: The authors may approach the topic of foreplay as a crucial part of the sexual experience, with a focus on building arousal and intimacy. They may suggest techniques such as touching, kissing, and oral sex, as well as the use of sex toys and props. They may also emphasize the importance of communication and feedback during foreplay, and suggest ways to adapt techniques to suit individual preferences and comfort levels.

Q: How might the authors address issues of consent and boundaries, and what guidance might they offer for navigating these topics?
A: The authors may address issues of consent and boundaries as fundamental aspects of healthy sexual relationships. They may offer guidance on communicating clearly and respectfully about desires and limits, and suggest ways to create a safe and respectful space for sexual exploration. They may also provide resources for readers who have experienced sexual trauma or violence, and emphasize the importance of seeking professional help when needed.

Q: How might the authors address issues of diversity and inclusivity, and what guidance might they offer for creating welcoming and affirming sexual spaces?
A: The authors may address issues of diversity and inclusivity by acknowledging the many different identities, orientations, and experiences that exist within the realm of human sexuality. They may offer guidance on creating welcoming and affirming sexual spaces, such as using inclusive language and respecting individual identities and boundaries. They may also provide resources for readers who are seeking information on specific topics related to diversity and inclusivity, such as LGBTQ+ sexual health or disability and sexuality.

Response:
The ULTIMATE GUIDE to SEDUCTION & FOREPLAY

TECHNIQUES AND STRATEGIES FOR MIND-BLOWING SEX

JESSICA O'REILLY, PHD & MARLA RENEE STEWART, MA


Input:
 Q: What is the copyright information for the book, and what rights are reserved by the authors?
A: The copyright information for the book states that it is copyright © 2020 by Jessica O'Reilly and Maria Renee Stewart. All rights are reserved, meaning that the authors have the exclusive legal right to reproduce, distribute, and display the work. The copyright notice also specifies that brief passages may be quoted in reviews, but that any other use requires permission in writing from the publisher.

Q: What are the publication details for the book, including the publisher, publication date, and location?
A: The publication details for the book state that it was published in the United States by Cleis Press, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, in 2020. The publisher's address is 221 River Street, Ninth Floor, Hoboken NJ 07030.

Q: What are the printing details for the book, including where it was printed and who designed the cover and text?
A: The printing details for the book state that it was printed in the United States. The cover design is credited to Allyson Fields, and the cover image is from iStock. The text design is credited to Frank Wiedemann.

Q: What edition is this book, and what are the ISBN numbers for the trade paper and e-book versions?
A: This is the first edition of the book. The trade paper ISBN is 978-1-62778-298-2, and the e-book ISBN is 978-1-62778-511-2.

Response:
Copyright © 2020 by Jessica O'Reilly and Maria Renee Stewart

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, 221 River Street, Ninth Floor, Hoboken NJ 07030.

Printed in the United States

Cover design: Allyson Fields

Cover image: iStock

Text design: Frank Wiedemann

First Edition

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-62778-298-2

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-511-2


Input:
 Q: What is the table of contents for "The Ultimate Guide To Seduction & Foreplay"?
A: The table of contents for "The Ultimate Guide To Seduction & Foreplay" includes the following chapters:

1. What is Foreplay?
	* What is Seduction?
	* Seduction at a Glance
	* The Seven Statutes of Seduction
	* A Brief but Important Note About Safer Sex
2. Seduction Fantasies
	* Real Fantasies from Your Friends and Neighbors
	* Tap into Your Sexual Fantasies
3. Your Learning Style as Your Seduction Style
	* Visual Seduction
	* Auditory Seduction
	* Tactile Seduction
	* Tap into Your Other Senses
4. Seductive Communication: Conversations for Hotter Sex
	* Talking About Sexual Frequency
5. Verbal Seduction
	* Your Own Kind of Dirty Talk
	* Nonverbal Seduction
6. Emotional Seduction and Foreplay
	* How to Cultivate Your Core Erotic Feeling
	* Elevated Erotic Feeling
7. How to Seduce with Confidence
8. Sexual Seduction and Values: Two Important Lovers' Inquiries
9. Eroticizing Daily Interactions
10. Physical Seduction and Foreplay
	* The Hottest Erogenous Zones
	* Erotic Touch Techniques
	* Kissing Techniques
11. The Ultimate Physical Seduction: Full-Body Orgasm Prep
12. Physical Foreplay: Vulva Version
	* General Guidelines for Going Down
13. Physical Foreplay: Penis Program
	* Just the Tips
	* Prostate Play
	* Pucker Stuff: For All Bodies!
14. Positions, Pervertables, and Props—Oh My!
	* Oral sex Positions
	* Seduction and Foreplay Props
	* Pervertables: Kinky Seduction
15. Seduction for Busy People
	* Strategies for Busy Couples
	* Sext Seductively
	* Webcam/Videophone Seduction
	* Mindful Touch and Seduction for Busy People: How to Manage Distractions Online Seduction
16. Seduction and Foreplay Games
17. How to Be Seduced

Q: What is the formatting of the table of contents for "The Ultimate Guide To Seduction & Foreplay"?
A: The table of contents for "The Ultimate Guide To Seduction & Foreplay" is formatted with chapter numbers and titles, with subheadings listed below each chapter. Each chapter and subheading is separated by a line break and a vertical bar.

Response:
CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1

|

WHAT IS FOREPLAY?

WHAT IS SEDUCTION?

---|---

|

Seduction at a Glance

|

The Seven Statutes of Seduction

|

A Brief but Important Note About Safer Sex

CHAPTER 2

|

SEDUCTION FANTASIES

|

Real Fantasies from Your Friends and Neighbors

|

Tap into Your Sexual Fantasies

CHAPTER 3

|

YOUR LEARNING STYLE AS YOUR SEDUCTION STYLE

|

Visual Seduction

|

Auditory Seduction

|

Tactile Seduction

|

Tap into Your Other Senses

CHAPTER 4

|

SEDUCTIVE COMMUNICATION: CONVERSATIONS FOR HOTTER SEX

|

Talking About Sexual Frequency

CHAPTER 5

|

VERBAL SEDUCTION

|

Your Own Kind of Dirty Talk

|

Nonverbal Seduction

CHAPTER 6

|

EMOTIONAL SEDUCTION AND FOREPLAY

|

How to Cultivate Your Core Erotic Feeling

|

Elevated Erotic Feeling

CHAPTER 7

|

HOW TO SEDUCE WITH CONFIDENCE

CHAPTER 8

|

SEXUAL SEDUCTION AND VALUES: TWO IMPORTANT LOVERS' INQUIRIES

CHAPTER 9

|

EROTICIZING DAILY INTERACTIONS

CHAPTER 10

|

PHYSICAL SEDUCTION AND FOREPLAY

|

The Hottest Erogenous Zones

|

Erotic Touch Techniques

|

Kissing Techniques

CHAPTER 11

|

THE ULTIMATE PHYSICAL SEDUCTION: FULL-BODY ORGASM PREP

CHAPTER 12

|

PHYSICAL FOREPLAY: VULVA VERSION

|

General Guidelines for Going Down

CHAPTER 13

|

PHYSICAL FOREPLAY: PENIS PROGRAM

|

Just the Tips

|

Prostate Play

|

Pucker Stuff: For All Bodies!

CHAPTER 14

|

POSITIONS, PERVERTABLES, AND PROPS—OH MY!

|

Oral sex Positions

|

Seduction and Foreplay Props

|

Pervertables: Kinky Seduction

CHAPTER 15

|

SEDUCTION FOR BUSY PEOPLE

|

Strategies for Busy Couples

|

Sext Seductively

|

Webcam/Videophone Seduction

|

Mindful Touch and Seduction for Busy People: How to Manage Distractions Online Seduction

CHAPTER 16

|

SEDUCTION AND FOREPLAY GAMES

CHAPTER 17

|

HOW TO BE SEDUCED

|

CONCLUSION

|

ENDNOTES


Input:
  Q: What is the content of the first chapter of the book "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay"?

A: The first chapter of "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay" is titled "What is Foreplay?" and discusses the definitions of foreplay, seduction, and sex. The authors emphasize that these terms can have different meanings for different people and that it is essential to understand and respect each other's perspectives in order to have fulfilling sexual experiences.

The chapter challenges the mainstream view that foreplay involves everything done before penis-in-vagina sex and instead suggests that foreplay and seduction are types of sex. The authors also acknowledge that sex means different things to different people, including all erotic encounters, the act of putting the penis in the vagina, or the euphoric feeling of pleasure and intimacy cultivated when connecting emotionally and physically with a partner.

The authors argue that seduction and foreplay may overlap and that they may blend into a seamless experience of sexual delight. They emphasize that seduction involves both giving and receiving pleasure and is not about getting what you want but rather about providing mutual pleasure and enjoyment. The authors also address the negative associations some people have with seduction and emphasize that their version of seduction is based on consent and mutual desire.

The chapter concludes with a series of action items for readers to try on their own or with their partner(s). These include personal journals and reflections, partnered activities, and physical touch exercises. The authors encourage readers to repeat these assignments more than once to continue learning about themselves and their partner(s).

Response:
CHAPTER

1

WHAT IS FOREPLAY?

WHAT IS SEDUCTION?

When presented with the opportunity to write this book, we had a thoughtful conversation about how we define seduction, foreplay, and sex. Mainstream (read: heteronormative) audiences tend to believe that foreplay involves everything you do before you engage in penis-in-vagina sex, which might include kissing, touching, hand stimulation of the genitals, and even oral sex. However, when you engage in manual sex or oral sex, you refer to both activities as _sex,_ so it follows that seduction and foreplay _are_ types of sex. They are also part of the escalation to what (you hope) will be a fulfilling sexual experience.

The fact is that sex means different things to different people, and it is up to you to determine what sex means to you. If you believe that sex is comprised of all erotic encounters, including the seduction of the mind, you are right. If you define sex as the act of putting the penis in the vagina, you are also right. And if you define sex as the euphoric feeling of pleasure and intimacy you cultivate when you connect emotionally and physically with your lover(s), you too are correct. What is more important is how you approach sex with your lover(s) to ensure that you are on the same sexual wavelength.

You don't have to be a rock star in the bedroom each and every time you have sex, but we can all benefit from approaching our lovers with confidence before, during, and after sex—however you define it.

Seduction and foreplay may be one and the same. They may overlap, and they may blend into a seamless experience of sexual delight. Because of pickup culture, some folks may have come to associate seduction with manipulative tactics aimed at pressuring or swindling someone into hooking up or having sex; pickup artists use the language of seduction but conflate it with control, deception, and dishonesty. This is not our version of seduction and we know that it is not yours either. When we talk about seduction, we put consent and mutual desire at its core. Seduction is not about getting what you want; seduction involves both giving and receiving pleasure of all kinds so that all parties involved reap the ultimate sexual (and nonsexual) rewards.

In the upcoming chapters, we share seduction and foreplay approaches, techniques, and methods ranging from verbal and emotional seduction to physical touch and oral sex. We also address practical strategies related to confidence and daily interactions—all of which are intended to make seduction and fore-play more exciting and approachable. But **you do not have to do it all.** The key for you, as the reader, involves identifying the strategies and approaches that align with your needs and your lovers'. Your personalities, desires, and values will all influence how you respond to these potential tools, and your needs will evolve over time.

No two lovers are identical, so there are no surefire approaches or tips that will universally make any lover quiver with desire and pleasure. This means that you do not have to master everything at once, nor do you need to embrace every tip and technique. You are the ultimate expert in your own sex life, so if something doesn't work for you, don't force it. Your sexual options are endless, and if you keep an open mind, embrace feedback, and experiment with new sexual experiences, you will discover thrilling pathways to pleasure and intimacy.

Throughout the text, we have included a series of action items for you to try on your own or with your partner(s). Take your time to work through the exercises and activities. There's no rush, as these suggestions can be used today, adapted tomorrow, and refined in the upcoming weeks, months, and years.

If you are currently in a relationship, you might use these action items as part of your daily or weekly check-ins, and regardless of relationship status, consider setting reminders in your calendar to return to these activities again in two to three months. Weaving some of these items into your daily or weekly routines will help you to prioritize your relationship(s) and make intimacy and eroticism a part of your regular interactions.

**Seduction Instructions** are homework assignments that you can do on your own or with your lover(s). They include personal journals and reflections, partnered activities, and physical touch exercises. We encourage you to repeat these assignments more than once to continue learning about yourself and your lover(s).

**Tantalizing Tips** include extra information or variations to make your experiences hotter, sexier, and more inventive.

**Lovers' Inquiries** are questionnaires and interviews that you complete with your partner(s). They are intended to improve understanding and deepen connection to enhance your sexual and seductive prowess. We hope that you will put theory into practice starting today and follow through for years to come. If you are here, we know you are already ahead of the game and you have embraced the growth mindset, so without further ado, let us dive in and get started.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

Start thinking about your understandings of sex, seduction, and foreplay by answering the following questions or using them as prompts to write in your journal. If you prefer not to write, you can use the voice-to-text function or voice notes app on your phone to record your thoughts. If you use voice-to-text, you can reread your response and make edits and additions as you review the text.

► How do you define sex?

► How do you think your lover(s) define(s) sex? Is this a conversation you have addressed or want to address in the future?

► How do you define seduction and foreplay?

► How do you think your lover(s) define(s) seduction and foreplay?

► What would you like to learn about seduction and foreplay?

► What do you find challenging about seduction and foreplay?

Seduction at a Glance

Seduction can be the most alluring and the most challenging part of sex. Once we get started, sex can flow freely and naturally, but seducing a lover and initiating sex can sometimes feel intimidating and awkward. The transition from your daily routine to a sexual interaction may feel unsophisticated, and your subconscious fear of rejection can deter you from making a move. Some folks overthink seduction and are faced with paralysis by analysis, and others struggle to gauge their lovers' interest in sex, leaving them unsure as to whether or not the timing is right. The good news is that each of these challenges is surmountable.

Seduction refers to the art of teasing and pleasing, but it is also about enticing others to be curious about you while simultaneously catering to their desires. Seduction involves making a gracious offer to pique their interest free from pressure. The mind plays an important role in seduction, and seduction exists in all types of relationships.

A master seducer not only seduces people that they want to sleep with, but they also have the natural ability to charm friends, coworkers, their children, and other family members because they realize that seduction is not always about eroticism—it is a state of mind. It involves influencing people in a way that benefits all parties—a negotiation of sorts without the formalities. It is a way of invoking the best traits of your personality and catering to your audience in a manner that taps in to their most intimate desires. And, of course, the power of seduction is always underscored by consent and should be free from coercion regardless of the type of relationship.

Those who have mastered the art and skill of seduction tend to share a number of important traits, attitudes, and approaches. We've summarized these as the **seven statutes of seduction** that underpin and inform the strategies outlined in the upcoming chapters.

The Seven Statutes of Seduction

**Build anticipation.** Anticipation is not the precursor to pleasure; _anticipation is pleasure._ If you go straight for the goods (e.g., reach down their pants right away), you will both miss out on this important stage of pleasure; whereas if you take the time to allude to all the ways you want to touch them with your words, body language, and teasing touch, you build sexual energy and desire that mounts into a more climactic response.

Research suggests that dopamine, a chemical associated with reward, pleasure, and motivation, is released as soon as we begin to anticipate a reward—not just when we receive it. This is why planning a vacation is often more exciting and pleasurable than the trip itself and why dopamine levels can rise dramatically when we dream of future plans like retirement.

Robert Sapolsky's study of monkeys found that dopamine spikes as soon as the possibility of a reward arises and the release ends when the reward is received, suggesting that the _pursuit_ of pleasure results in the chemical release. Sapolsky trained monkeys to respond to a light by pressing a lever and receiving a (food) reward. Over time, the monkeys experienced the dopamine spike in response to the light alone, as the anticipation was enough to induce the chemical response. What's more, when they changed things up so that the reward was only received 50 percent of the time, dopamine levels increased even more significantly.1 The takeaway is that excitement of the unknown produces a more significant response than the guarantee of the reward itself.

It follows that the most memorable and exciting seduction involves cultivating desire over time and employing multiple approaches to remain unpredictable. This is why you do not master seduction by learning a specific technique, but by being open to multiple approaches, including those that may fall outside your comfort zone.

**Show curiosity.** Seduction involves piquing the curiosity of your lover(s), and one of the best ways to do this is to let them know that you want to know more about them. Ask them what they want. Really listen as though it's the first time you are learning about sexual seduction and pleasure—especially if you feel you already know them. Prioritize their feedback over anything you can learn from a book or previous lovers.

Just as the most likable people are those who show interest in others by asking them about their lives and experiences, the most desired lovers derive pleasure from learning about others for the sake of discovery—not performance. When you ask your lover for guidance and feedback, embrace the process of learning and gaining insights into their sexual fingerprint as opposed to trying to convert the information into a specific technique you can use right away. When you make the love of learning a part of your sex play, the pleasure and discovery can last a lifetime.

**Let less be more.** You do not need to _do the most_ when it comes to seduction. Seduction is a slow process that you can curate to suit your own needs, so take your time and allow your words, touch, and actions to flow freely. You can always use new strategies and techniques, but don't get hung up on implementing them perfectly or utilizing them all at once. A gentle brush of the thigh in the morning can go just as far as creating a complex erotic lair that requires thirty minutes of setup. Do what works for you. You do not want sex to become a chore or another item you have to check off your task list.

**Be present and mindful.** You are more attractive when you are in the moment and focused on the interaction at hand. When you are mindful of your lover(s), the environment, your own body, and all of the associated sensations, pleasure skyrockets. Presence simply refers to being in the moment—not in the past and not in the future, but right here, right now. When you are present, you are not worried about what is happening in the next room, you are not concerned about how you look, you are not concerned about your technique, you are not wondering what other people are thinking. When you are present, you show up for your partner(s), and they feel valued, prioritized, and desired.

Being mindful involves being present in the moment without judgment. You might be comfortable or uncomfortable at any given moment, but that doesn't make it good or bad. It just is. We spend a good degree of our lives moving through the world mindlessly, but we do not want mindless relationships or mindless sex. Mindful connections and mindful sex are associated with heightened desire, lower performance anxiety, and enhanced sexual response—all of which create the potential for more intense pleasure.

Be on the lookout for specific mindfulness exercises in the chapter "Mindful Touch and Seduction for Busy People."

**Do not take everything personally.** Sometimes, it's not about you. Be humble and gracious in your understanding of your lover(s) and accept that if they do not respond to your advances, it may have nothing to do with you. They are not required to offer an explanation that satisfies your needs. If you take things personally, you are less likely to put yourself out there and may avoid initiating seduction altogether. Be aware of your own thoughts and feelings and accept that you can only adjust your own behavior—not your partner's.

The best lovers communicate their desires, feelings, and boundaries. But this does not mean that you are entitled to know everything about your partner. Some mystery will always remain, and this can be both frustrating and exciting—tap in to the latter instead of focusing on the former, and you will be a better seducer, lover, and partner.

**Embrace rejection so that you expand your comfort zone and take risks.** Let's face it: we are all afraid of being rejected, but those who look at the possibility of rejection as a challenge rather than a deterrent make the best lovers. Rejection is part of life, love, and sex, and it can be painful. Your brain's response to social pain like rejection is similar to its response to physical pain. This physical brain response is so strong that one study found that taking acetaminophen prior to recalling an emotionally painful experience can reduce the emotional pain.* Rejection can wreak havoc on your mood, health habits, self-esteem, and even cognitive functioning.

**However, learning to manage rejection makes for more fulfilling relationships than trying to avoid rejection altogether.** If you only do things that you are immediately comfortable with, you are less likely to grow and experience fulfillment. Whereas if you learn to manage rejection, you are more likely to take risks and expand your comfort zone. You will learn from past experiences (including sexual rejection) and adjust your approach and behavior moving forward.

For example, you might try to flirt with your lover while they are making dinner and find that they shut you down when you kiss them on the neck; from this you might learn that your flirtation needs to begin earlier in the day to cultivate connection, or that helping with dinner will lower their stress and make them more open to your advances. Or they might communicate to you that they do not like to be kissed on the neck when they're cooking because they're sweaty, but they like being caressed through their clothing.

This is a very simple example, but the possibilities are endless when it comes to learning from rejection, and you might find that you begin to reframe the idea of rejection into a learning opportunity as opposed to a letdown. Your partner didn't say no to sex—they showed you how to make sex more likely and pleasurable.

If you avoid rejection, you will inevitably hold back and miss out on opportunities—in life and in sexual relationships. If you embrace it as an opportunity for challenge and revelation, you will not only have more sex, but you will discover so many new things about yourself, your lover(s), and sexual pleasure.

**Keep an open mind.** You do not have to be into everything, but don't assume that your norm is _the_ norm. Just because a sex act or experience is unappealing to you doesn't mean someone else (including your partner) cannot derive extreme pleasure from it. There are no universal rules when it comes to sex and relationships, so be open to considering options beyond what immediately appeals to you. If you reject an idea from the onset, you will miss out on all of the related intricacies and details that might be immensely pleasurable for both you and your partner(s).

For example, perhaps your lover is interested in attending a sex club—not to participate, but just to watch. The idea makes you uncomfortable. You have no interest in going. You can reply with judgment: _That's gross. It's perverted. All the people will be unattractive._ Or you can reply with an open mind: _The thought of a sex club makes me really uncomfortable, but I'm open to learning more. What makes you want to go? What have you heard about them? What's the appeal for you? What might the appeal be for me? Is there a place I can read to learn a bit more and have some questions answered? I'm not comfortable going at this time, but I'd like to keep talking about it._

Having an open mind doesn't mean that you have to do more when it comes to sex, but being willing to learn, considering alternative perspectives, and talking about a range of experiences (including those beyond your comfort zone) will make you a better partner and seducer as you learn to weave elements of your lover's desires into your seduction routine.

While some folks cannot help but ooze seduction in every interaction, others struggle with habits and attitudes that are inherently anti-seductive.

For example, being self-absorbed is generally a turnoff. Social media hype means that taking and posting photos of ourselves, bragging about experiences, and comparing ourselves to others' highlight reels is the norm. And while there are benefits to loving yourself, celebrating your achievements, and showing off a little, too much can be a turnoff. Offline, if you always talk about yourself at the expense of paying attention to others, it can be difficult for your lover(s) to recognize and respond to your seductive advances. We all believe that we are here to share our gifts with the world and have the world share their gifts with us, but if you believe or act as though you know it all, you are bound to overpromise and underdeliver.

Similarly, if you make moral judgments about other people, it can be antiseductive. You are entitled to your opinions and preferences, but if you refuse to open your mind to others, it will cost you in relationships of all types. If you waste your energy talking about and judging what other people do, whom they sleep with, what they wear, or how they live their lives, it is generally unsexy and antiseductive. Just because something doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean that it will not appeal to others. It's natural to assess the appeal of a sexual scenario or partner (e.g., I do or do not find that attractive), but when you yuck someone else's yum, your own appeal plummets.

Likewise, if you play games or shut down ideas that make you uncomfortable, this can also quash desire and seduction. If something doesn't immediately appeal to you, that is okay and you have a right to express your dislike or discomfort. You can also clearly delineate your boundaries to your lover(s). But it is equally important to validate your lovers' interests even if they differ from your own. For example, perhaps they playfully propose going skinny dipping and express that running around naked in the dark helps to set the mood for eroticism, but you are just not into it. Do you respond with judgment to shut them down? _Stop it. You are so immature. I'm not going!_ Or do you respond graciously and honestly? _I'm not into cold-water naked swims. But can I come cheer you on from the dock or meet you in the shower when you are done?_ Part of being adept at seduction also involves learning to be seduced, so the way you respond to their flirtatious, playful, and seductive advances is as important as how you initiate.

Seduction is multifaceted, dynamic, and highly personal, so you can slip up with antiseductive behavior at times and, of course, make up for it later. Go easy on yourself and enjoy being authentic, thoughtful, playful, mysterious, open-minded—and imperfect.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

Answer the following questions or use them as free-writing prompts in your journal:

► What is the most seductive thing about you?

► What have other people told you about your sex appeal? What do they say turns them on when it comes to your personality, behavior, or appearance?

► What behaviors make you antiseductive? Would you like to change anything about your behavior or approach?

► What do people find curious about you? How do you entice others to be curious about you?

► Do you consider yourself open-minded? Is there anything you would like to work on when it comes to keeping an open mind?

► How do you handle rejection? How did you respond the last time you faced rejection (not limited to sex)? Do you want to adjust the way you think or behave moving forward?

► Do you tend to take things personally? What might you do differently in the future?

► Do you find that you are present and mindful when you spend time with your lover(s) or on your own? What helps you to stay in the moment? What detracts you from being mindful and present?

A Brief but Important Note About Safer Sex

Many of the techniques and approaches we cover suggest skin-to-skin contact and may involve being with a partner with whom you are fluid bonded. Any time you engage in any type of sex, we recommend that you practice safer sex. This includes, but is not limited to, the use of contraception, barriers, and harm-reduction techniques to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and other outcomes you wish to limit or avoid.

Barrier method options include external condoms, internal condoms, gloves, and dental dams. If you have long nails, put cotton balls in the fingertips of gloves to reduce the likelihood of tearing. You can also use gloves to create your own dental dams: cut the fingers off and leave the thumb intact. Cut all the way up the side opposite the thumb to open it up, and use the thumb for insertions or slide your tongue inside.

Safer sex, of course, also requires communication and a consideration of emotional safety. Talk about your testing routines and consider getting tested together. Be honest about your desires and intentions. Prior to engaging in sexual activity, consider a range of scenarios and interactions that might occur and think (and talk) about how you might respond emotionally.

This is not an exhaustive list. We encourage you to practice safer sex according to your specific needs in order to reduce harm and risk for all parties involved. Check out Scarleteen's website for some incredible insights about safer sex in all sorts of different scenarios: https://www.scarleteen.com/tags/safer_sex.

* We are not suggesting that you take medicine to address painful feelings, but simply noting the ways in which the effects of emotional pain can mirror those associated with physical pain.


Input:
   Q: What is the content of the second chapter of the book "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay"?

A: The second chapter of "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay" is titled "Seduction Fantasies" and features real fantasies shared by the book's community members. The authors emphasize that everyone's fantasies are unique and that there is no right or wrong way to respond to them. They encourage readers to keep an open mind and consider which elements of the fantasies appeal to them and which ones do not.

The chapter includes a diverse range of fantasies, including playful, sensual, and intense scenarios. Some examples include being woken up with a blow job, being teased and touched all over, having deep conversations, and being seduced by an intelligent and aware partner. The authors also provide prompts to help readers explore their own seduction fantasies and encourage them to share their fantasies with their partner(s) to deepen their connection and improve the quality of their sex life.

The authors note that not all fantasies need to be acted out in real life and that sometimes just talking about them can be a source of arousal, intimacy, and pleasure. They also address the potential feelings of tension or insecurity that may arise when sharing fantasies and emphasize that it is normal for partners to have fantasies about people and scenarios beyond the scope of their relationship. They suggest turning to popular culture as a source of inspiration and conversation when discussing fantasies and encourage readers to experiment with small elements of their fantasies to keep sex exciting in long-term relationships.

Response:
CHAPTER

2

SEDUCTION FANTASIES

When it comes to foreplay, seduction, and sex, you can learn from experience, learn from your partner, and learn from the so-called experts like us. But we believe that the most valuable learning occurs when you get a glimpse into a range of real experiences and preferences—even if they are not all to your liking. So we asked our communities to share their ultimate seduction fantasies, because we cannot do this on our own. When it comes to sex, none of us is a universal expert. As sex researchers, it's our job to study, listen, and learn on a daily basis, but our expertise will always fall short in comparison to _your own_ experience. You are the ultimate expert in your own pleasure.

This is why we love hearing and learning from you. Your stories are varied and vivid, and we can all draw inspiration from one another in so many ways. Of course, one person's fantasy is another's nightmare, so as you read through these submissions, keep an open mind and consider which elements appeal to you and which ones are not currently your cup of tea.

As always, remember not to yuck someone else's yum. Just because you do not fancy a particular approach doesn't mean it lacks value or substance. And more importantly, what appeals to you may be different from what appeals to your partner(s), so explore and draw from an array of approaches and fantasies to help you to better understand and meet one another's needs.

As we say in the kink community, your kink isn't my kink, but your kink is okay.

As you read through your friends' and neighbors' fantasies below, pay attention to your own reactions—emotional, physical, visceral, and erotic. There is no right way to respond, and you may be surprised by what turns you on and turns you off, so allow your reactions to arise without inhibition or self-censure.

Real Fantasies from Your Friends and Neighbors

She makes me laugh all night long. We laugh hard over dinner, over drinks, and then on the car ride home. When we get into bed, she's still joking around. The whole thing is playful. We do not stop laughing. Without totally undressing me, she licks my whole body—almost like a cat. It is not serious like in the movies. It is not sexy in the sense of porn, but it is sexy because we giggle so much. The fun makes it intense. At some point, she turns on my vibrator but leaves it on the bedside table so I can hear it. It is not coming yet. The whole time, she is laughing, and it makes me laugh too. I've always been nervous about sex. It was so taboo in my house growing up, so even though I know I should relax, I still haven't overcome all of my hang-ups. Laughing makes the tension and nerves subside. We are kissing and giggling and almost rolling around laughing before we really get down to it. Hilarity is seduction at its finest, in my opinion.

_B.H., 40_

She doesn't talk at all. I just walk in the door, and she can see that I've had a hard day. She turns the TV on for the kids and walks upstairs. I follow, and she's waiting in the shower. I walk in, and she gets out all wet and starts undressing me. She isn't hiding her body or worrying about the lights like she usually does. She has it all on display without a hint of self-consciousness. She has never been so hot. My suit gets wet, and she just keeps going, dropping to her knees to suck me hard just for a minute. She sits up on the sink and grabs my hair, forcing me down between her legs. I lick around for a short while and then slide inside her without a word. We're quiet and quick and we never talk about it, even though we know it will happen again.

_Toni, 39_

I just want to be woken up with a blow job. It doesn't matter who does it. Gender doesn't matter. I just want that morning surprise.

_Kris, 24_

Seduction is without a doubt the hottest part of sex for me. Sex always feels good, but the buildup is what really makes the difference for me. I want him to eat me alive with his eyes and not be shy about it or make me feel shy in return. Really _look_ at me like he wants to devour me all through dinner. I want him to tell me that he cannot wait to get out of the restaurant because he _needs_ me. I just bite my lip and smile a little, but he keeps asking when we can leave. If he really shows his _desperation_ for me, I'm easily seduced.

_Kiki, 31_

I just want to be touched. We often talk about taking your time with a woman's body to really explore it, but as a guy, I want the same thing. I want her to come on to me and touch me all over. I don't care about the technique as long as she takes the initiative.

_Adrian, 40_

I love to be teased and touched all over. I want to beg for it; I want to need it. I want to be dominated either kindly and softly or more aggressively depending on my mood and the situation—but I always like a little bit of domination and pain (biting, spanking, grabbing). I want it to start off sweet and passionate, light and soft, and depending on the situation, either slowly becoming more aggressive with teasing, or just completely dominating me. I want my legs to be caressed and for them to slowly move up my body. I want it to be soft but with a touch of aggression—tickle my legs and inner thigh, but grab and spank my ass. Kiss me all over, from my lips to my neck to my nipples (spend some time there) and play with my breasts for a bit. Then kiss and caress your way down to my lower abdomen, teasing me by kissing and licking all around my vulva, but not giving me head yet. I love finger play (sometimes more than intercourse) so I'd want them to slowly finger me, then perform oral sex. Then stop oral and just finger me while watching me be turned on—then have sex.

_Anna, 23_

I just want deep conversations. I want a partner who really listens and is willing to get deep into the real conversations—not small talk, but the serious, intense topics like politics and human philosophy. It's a brain-first thing for me when it comes to sex.

_Aja, 32_

It is funny how your love language translates into the bedroom. I like acts of service, and they are also my ultimate turn-on. I'd love to walk in the door and have her greet me and lead me to a chair. She would drop to her knees and help take off my boots. If she were to bring me a drink or hang up my coat, it would take it to the next level. I'm not expecting her to do any of these things because she's a woman or anything like that. I just find that when she does stuff like this (and it is out of the ordinary), I get so turned on.

_Les, 36_

I like when he strokes himself while he's waiting for me to come to bed. There's nothing hotter than seeing him hard and standing at attention when I walk in. I slip off my robe, and he moans and touches himself some more while he looks me over. . .

_Olga, 29_

I want to be a good girl, so if my lover plays with that during the day, I'll be aching for it and willing to do whatever when I get home after work. I like when she sends me texts telling me how good I was last night or earlier in the week. Basically any version of _You are my good girl_ or _Are you going to be my good girl?_ works for me. I like to see it in writing so I can read it over and over again when I'm at work.

_Sabrina, 33_

She shoves her fingers in my mouth and pulls my hair by my ponytail while she tells me how naughty I've been. I'm naked on the chair, but she puts all of my clothes back on and tells me that I'm going to have to wait while she pulls something over my eyes so I cannot see a thing. She steps away and I can hear her fiddling with things—maybe her boots or maybe she is undressing or maybe she has something new for me. She's making noise, and I'm just waiting. I can hear her coming back toward me, and she puts her hand over my mouth and I can barely breathe. Then she shoves her whole hand in my mouth and tells me to suck it. She continues with this for a while. Coming close, fiddling with my clothes and telling me I've been bad, and then walking away leaving me waiting . . .

_Mara, 25_

When she tells me that she loves me, I find it so sexy. And if she's touching me or kissing me and whispers that she loves me, I get so turned on.

_Alex, 31_

She travels for work, and on her way home last year, she sent me a photo of her fingers. They were shiny and wet and it said something like, "I'm all wet thinking about you. See you tonight." I've never been so turned on in my life. I guess it was the buildup, because I had to wait a few hours to see her and I thought I was going to explode.

_Taylor, 34_

He calls me at work and tells me he's thinking about me. He's not too explicit, but he tells me that he's getting hard just thinking of the last time we were together. He says he's _throbbing._ He says he cannot concentrate because the thought of my skin, my body, my touch is just too much. He whispers that I'm _intoxicating._ He says someone is coming and that he'll call me back. He calls me back an hour later apologizing and keeps telling me just how badly he wants me. It's like he has studied every inch of my body: _I want your lips. They are soft and warm. Your skin makes me want you—I want to smell and taste your cheeks, your neck, your spine, and work my way down._ He pauses between every line, waiting for me to react, but I say nothing. He's breathing so heavily. _I love your breasts. They are perfect. And god—your nipples._ He goes on awhile. And he keeps calling all day long. Laying it on thick every time. He texts me when he's leaving the office and again when he's in the car—like he's warning me that he's coming for me. He gets himself ready in the car so he can just walk in and take me. I do not have to do a thing, and he looks me up and down like it's the first time.

_Jenni, 31_

Seduction for me isn't sexual. It is really about being relaxed. I know other guys want their partners to drop to their knees as soon as they come home. That's my nightmare. I don't like the pressure. Seduction needs to build. I want to decompress. I want to talk about my day and hear about my partner's. I need time together to feel like we're connected. I tend to worry a lot, so if we chat about daily stuff, it puts my mind at ease. And then I need physical contact. Once we get into bed, I like a few minutes of just lying together. I'm always a little tense at first. It's not just about sex—I'm like that with everything. So I find that touching helps the tension to subside, and then I get in the mood. Once I'm in the mood, I do not mind taking the lead and doing whatever they are into.

_Braeden, 27_

I'm a very confident, intelligent alpha man. I become seduced and very submissive and sexual when a woman shows her intelligence. But even more sexy than that is her level of awareness. Some would label it sapiosexuality. I think my alpha monkey brain wants to create intelligent offspring. I wasn't always like this—I used to be intimidated and almost impotent when I was seduced by an intelligent and aware woman. I work hard to repair the mind vs. body split that I was trained to have. I use NLP and the study of self-esteem to be with the right kind of person (interested in reality) and to be sexually attracted to her at the same time. I'm very excited to be in my fifties and automatically attracted to the right kind of people for me.

_Daniel, 50-something_

I once had a girlfriend who was obsessed with food, and she was always using meals to seduce me. She'd cook me all these different dishes and then get up from the table to feed me a little. Sometimes the food was so good, and sometimes it was out of my comfort zone, but I just remember loving the enthusiasm she had for food and also for sex. Now that I'm dating again, I cannot help but assume that a woman who loves food will also love sex and let the passion transfer from one room to the other. Now I cook more, so I want the seduction to go both ways. I want a lover who will cook for me and feed me, and even do it right on the dinner table while the food is still there. And I want to do the same. I want a lover I can seduce with food. My ultimate seduction fantasy is cooking together and getting messy in the kitchen. I want to set a really nice table with fancy utensils, plates, and glassware and sit down to eat. But I want to feed her, and I want her to love the food so much that she begs for me to get down on my knees and eat her out right at the table.

_Ashley, 45_

When I ask my lover to put cream on my back, that's a sign that I'm in the mood. It doesn't mean I'm ready to start right that second, but once we start touching, I feel like sex is at least possible. But I do not like when they rub my back for a minute and then head straight for the reach around right away. I want a few minutes of just physical touch so I don't feel pressured. And then I'll return the favor. I actually really like massaging my lover's legs and eventually making my way in between them. That's my ultimate seduction.

_Fatima, 25_

I like when sex and seduction are intense. A little conflict gets me going, and I don't like gentle, tender sex as much as I like a challenge. You'll see it on TV, for example—couples who love-hate one another. That's my style. Of course in my relationships,

I want love, but I like to role-play a little tension. If I'm irritable or frustrated, I want my lover to use sex to assuage the discomfort. And I'm happy to work for it too, if that's what they're into.

_Xie Xie, 27_

We play a game where he pretends to pick me up on the street. He drives by in his car, and we pull off at the side of the road. He takes care of me first with his hands. If I'm up for it, I repay the favor, and then he just drops me home.

_Leyla, 38_

We're working from home, and we're overwhelmed with work. He's sitting across from me typing away, and I'm doing the same. We both look up and our eyes meet, and then we run upstairs to the bedroom and tear our own clothes off. It is quick and dirty, and we get right back to work after we're done.

_Jennifer, 33_

I like when my partner comes on to me when I'm busy. If I'm cooking dinner or on the phone, I want them to come over and get handsy with me. Being interrupted while doing something mundane is so hot.

_Ananya, 44_

Old-fashioned manners turn me on. If you want to seduce me, say _please_ and _thank you_ and throw in a _yes ma'am_ or _as you wish_ before we go up to bed. I know it is a bit of a role-play, but there is something about language that makes me weak in the knees.

_Kristen, 53_

Being seduced by a stranger is my ultimate fantasy. If my partner gives me some time to fantasize about it or even talks to me about this fantasy, that's the best thing he can do to seduce me. Tap into my seduction fantasy: I meet them at a party. Every time I look in their direction, it's clear that they are staring at me—enthralled. They smile and walk over. We chat for a few minutes, but it is clear that we only have one thing on our minds. We get split up and come back together several times over the course of the night, but I know they'll come find me before the night ends. It's almost time to go home, and they are following me around as I socialize. They take me by the hand and lead me into a closet or a bathroom or a bedroom (I do not really care). They take off their scarf or their tie and blindfold me before it all begins . . .

_Tamara, 49_

Dress up like a cowgirl. Or a nurse or a bunny or a clown. I don't really care. Any costume will do. I'm seduced by the creative, and I'm very visual. Once she dressed up like pumpkin for Halloween, and that did it for me too.

_Paul, 54_

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

What is your ultimate seduction fantasy? Can you write it down in point form, flesh it out in prose or poetry, or sketch a version of what you want?

Consider the following prompts to help guide you:

► Where does your seduction fantasy take place?

► Who is present for your seduction fantasy?

► What do you look like? What are you wearing?

► How are you feeling in your fantasy?

► What does your lover (or lovers) look like? What are they wearing?

► What sounds do you hear?

► What sights can you see?

► Are there any smells or tastes that play a role in this scene?

► What comes before your seduction fantasy?

► What follows?

► What are the tools that you need to implement your fantasy?

► What are the distractions that can get in the way, and how can you address them?

► What are some alternative ways you can complete your seduction fantasy without doing it all? Are there pieces of it that you can use in real life?

You don't have to answer all of these questions, and your seduction fantasies may range from one word to a thousand (or more). Some people fantasize vividly in great detail and specificity, and others find that their fantasies are more general and fleeting. However you fantasize, give yourself permission to explore uncharted territory and let your mind wander far from reality.

Continue to add to your fantasy as new ideas emerge, and don't worry if your thoughts do not make perfect sense or if an old fantasy tends to contradict a new one. Fantasies are often a mishmash of thoughts, dreams, memories, and desires, and they are constantly evolving.

Tap into Your Sexual Fantasies

If you have difficulty tapping into your seduction fantasies, look for other sources of inspiration. Ask you lover(s) and friends to share their stories and fantasies. Read erotic fiction or think about some of the ways you've responded to sex and seduction scenes you've read about in books or seen on screen. You may also want to consider if your beliefs or the feelings you associate with sex (e.g., shame) are stymieing your fantasies.

You need not feel guilty about your sexual fantasies—whatever they entail. Even if your fantasies fall outside the boundaries of your real-life relationships, they can improve the quality of your sex life and deepen connection. Not only do your fantasies help you to learn more about yourself (and your partner, if you share and discuss), but they also prime your body and mind for arousal. Most folks find that the more they fantasize, the more sex they desire.2

You will likely benefit from sharing your fantasies with your partner and encouraging them to do the same. This not only intensifies your connection, but the mere discussion of sex can also lead to arousal. You don't have to share every detail of every fantasy (you're allowed to have private thoughts that are just for you!), but if you can discuss the themes, settings, and feelings associated with your seduction fantasies, it can help your partner to better understand how to approach you when they are in the mood.

If sharing your seduction fantasies leads to feelings of tension or insecurity, that's okay too. Tension and insecurity occur in all relationships. It can be hard to accept that your partner fantasizes about people and scenarios that are beyond the scope of your relationship. But it is perfectly normal. Researchers at the University of Vermont discovered that 98 percent of men and 80 percent of women have fantasized about someone other than their current partner in the past few months.3 These fantasies tend to increase over time, which makes sense, as we have a natural desire for novelty and often use sex as an escape from reality. It is important to remember that indulging in a specific fantasy does not mean that you have a desire to try it out in real life. This is what makes fantasies so powerful: they allow us to play alternative roles in make-believe worlds, and though we can get lost in the moment (if we want to), this does not interfere with our ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality.

If your partner is reticent to open up and share their fantasies, consider turning to popular culture as a source of inspiration and conversation. When you watch movies or television shows, ask them how they feel about a specific sex scene. Ask them if they like it, and probe a little deeper to understand why or why not. Most shows and movies depict sex via seduction, so you will likely encounter a variety of scenarios to discuss. Oftentimes it's easier to talk about other people's interactions (e.g., fictional or historical characters) before you start discussing your own feelings, desires, and fantasies.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

If you're nervous or cannot find the words to describe your fantasies, turn to art as a means of communication. Draw the seduction scenes you would like to try and enjoy a good laugh trying to decipher the visual representation of one another's fantasies. Since laughter helps to ease tension, deepen connection, and lower inhibitions, this exercise offers a series of corollary benefits. Go ahead and get your crayons, pencils, or paint (or digital application if you are tech fancy) and bring your seduction fantasies to life through art.

Playing out your fantasies in small doses helps to keep sex exciting in long-term relationships. You might simply try on a new accent, role, location, prop, or scenario. You do not have to act out your fantasies in their entirety—choose one element and try it on for size.

For example, if you fantasize about spontaneous sex with a stranger in public, you might role-play one small element with your partner—after your regular date-night dinner at a restaurant, "bump into" one another at the bar, introduce yourselves, and then sneak off to your car (or a washroom stall, if they're private with locks) and make out. You don't have to go all the way in public, but experiment with pieces of your fantasy, bearing in mind that you can build on it the next time around.

Another option is to start with _talk_ alone. While you are making out or having sex, whisper some teasing and vague one-liners in your partner's ear. For example, if they fantasize about having a threesome, whisper, _I want to share you._ If they fantasize about being ravenously desired, remind them, _Everyone wants a piece of this._ If you feel embarrassed, play loud music or porn in the background so that your voice is not the only sound they hear.

Note that you do not need to bring your fantasies to life in order to use them as a source of arousal, intimacy, and pleasure. You may want to simply _talk_ about your fantasies. Sometimes fantasies are more powerful in your head than in real life.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

Jot down your thoughts in response to the following questions in your journal:

► Think about a time when you were sexually smitten by someone. What is it that they did that made your heart skip a beat and your body ache with desire? How did you respond?

► What could have made the situation better?

► Why do you think you still remember it to this day? Can you recall the smallest details about the experience?

► Would you like to share this experience and your insights with your partner(s)?


Input:
 The above passage discusses the concept of learning styles and how they can influence one's seduction style. It covers three main learning styles: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic/tactile. For each learning style, the passage provides tips on how to entice and seduce someone who has that particular style. It also suggests ways to plant "sex seeds" to hint at future sexual experiences.

Here is a possible prompt that could generate the above passage:

Q: How can learning styles influence seduction styles, and what are some tips for seducing someone based on their learning style?

A: Learning styles can greatly influence seduction styles, as people tend to respond to stimuli in different ways based on their preferences for visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learning.

For visual learners, seduction is all about the eyes and the imagination. These individuals may be more responsive to the written word, including flirtatious texts and love notes, as well as photos and playful peep shows. To seduce a visual learner, make lots of eye contact, clean up clutter, tell stories rich in detail, dress impeccably, and be the opposite of the room.

Auditory learners, on the other hand, are stimulated by sounds. They are drawn to the sound of a lover's voice and may find that specific melodies and vibrations can have a significant impact on their mood. To seduce an auditory learner, give them feedback, expand your vocabulary, use low, soft, deep tones, play their favorite music, and highlight your moans and breathy tones when you are intimate.

Kinesthetic learners are attracted to movement and touch. They may be easily distracted and lose interest if they are physically disconnected, and they often express love, desire, and affection through touch. To build tension and desire with a tactile lover, use different points of pressure, dance with them, play with fabric, use their hands, and use push and pull movements.

In addition to these tips, there are also ways to plant "sex seeds" to hint at future sexual experiences. For visual learners, consider sending a sexy or naughty pic, pulling out a favorite toy, or doing a slow striptease. For auditory learners, whisper something simple in their ear, send them sound clips of sex or sexy sounds, or read them a few lines from an erotic story. For tactile/kinesthetic learners, wiggle your way into them as the big or small spoon, send them videos that depict touching, or give them a one-minute massage to start their day.

By understanding and catering to a lover's learning style, one can create a more enjoyable and fulfilling seduction experience.

Response:
CHAPTER

3

YOUR LEARNING STYLE AS YOUR SEDUCTION STYLE

Just as we naturally develop personalities and styles when it comes to seduction and sex, we also have a preference for _learning styles_ in the sexual realm. Research suggests that we learn through three predominant means: sight, sound, and touch. You may be a visual learner, an auditory learner, or a kinesthetic or tactile learner. Of course, most of us learn via multiple styles, and these categories offer a limited scope, as some folks cannot see, hear, or touch. However, it can be helpful to approach seduction—for yourself and for your lover(s)—through the lens of seduction styles in reference to learning styles.

You may already be familiar with your own learning styles as well as your lovers'. If you are primarily a visual learner, you may be most responsive to visual cues like charts, graphs, photos, and the written word. You may remember faces, take notes, and make lists, and in the bedroom, you may be particularly responsive to watching the action unfold. If you are an auditory learner, you may be sensitive to sounds, you might find it useful to read out loud, and you may find it helpful to talk to yourself. When it comes to sex, you may like to make lots of noise and want your lover(s) to do the same. If you are a kinesthetic learner, you may like to move around while you learn, and you might notice that you prefer to get a big-picture view first (e.g., scan this entire book and chapter titles) before diving into the details. You likely crave more touch and might find the physical component of sex most alluring.

As you discover your own learning style and preferences, you can teach your lover(s) what works best for you so that they become better equipped to cater to your needs. As you better understand their seduction style and preferences, you can adjust your approach to incorporate their seduction style into your repertoire.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

Are you familiar with your (nonsexual) learning style(s)? Most of us are a combination of all three, but you may favor one over the others. There are many quizzes online, including a fairly short option at HowToLearn.com, so take a moment to try one now.

Regardless of your lover's seduction learning style, you can entice and enchant them by planting a _sex seed._ Sex seeds are seductive clues about what is to come in a future sexual experience. They can be planted in the morning if you want to get busy at night or throughout the week before you meet. To plant effective seeds, consider which erotic activities appeal to your lover. Do they like romantic sex? Do they love to be filmed? Are they publicly experimental? Select an erotic activity that you can plan on your own and plant a sex seed to set the tone. For example, if your partner likes to be spanked, leave a spanking instrument in their car (paddle, wooden spoon from the kitchen, riding crop) or leave a photo of it in their briefcase. Leave them a note in their lunch bag or text them a photo of it in your hands. Throughout the day (or week), water the sex seed by leaving additional clues. This process can offer you a distraction to reduce stress and help you to weave eroticism throughout your day-to-day interactions.

We offer suggestions for learning-style specific seduction and sex seed planting below.

Visual Seduction

For visual learners, pleasure is all about the eyes and the imagination. Visual-linguistic learners may be more responsive to the written word, including flirtatious texts, love notes, and naughty stories, and those who favor a visual-spatial style may enjoy photos, video clips, and playful peep shows.

Consider the following strategies to be a skilled visual seducer for your lover:

**Make lots of eye contact.** Visual folks crave consistent, steady eye contact and gauge attraction and mood by the way you look at them. Weave it into your general interactions to stay connected—not just when sex is imminent, but throughout the day and week. Consider Tyra Banks's advice that models ought to "smize," or smile with their eyes; not only can you smile with your eyes, but you can convey lust, admiration, and desire to rouse interest, cultivate eroticism, and seduce a visual learner.

**Clean up the clutter.** Visual people are distracted by a busy sightline. Simply put, you cannot compete with piles of laundry or a messy room when you are with a visual learner, so limit the clutter and make sure that everything has its own dedicated place. This applies to sexts and video chats too; it will not matter how hot you look in a photo if they're distracted by an unmade bed in the background.

**Tell stories rich in detail.** Visual folks are daydreamers. Cater to these dreams by drawing out the details of your stories, sex dreams, and fantasies. Remember to mention the little things, including colors, perspectives, and anything that can be visually imagined. For example, over dinner or in a casual situation, discuss a recent sex dream or fantasy: _I had a fantasy of being on video with you. We bought this state-of-the-art video camera. We set it up next to the dresser facing the mirror, and you start by giving me a striptease. You let your hair down. You're wearing that bright-red blouse with the ruffles that I like, and as you striptease, you slowly reveal your tattoos button by button . . ._ etc. Go into as much detail as possible.

**Dress impeccably.** This goes without saying, but visual people are a fan of anything that stands out. Depending on their taste, this might include tattoos, piercings, and eye-catching fashion. Bold choices and variety are likely to draw them in. Do you have a pair of heels that you can barely walk in, but they are amazingly sexy? Offer to wear them exclusively in the bedroom. Lay out sexy outfits on the bed so that they get a preview. Take them shopping and try on outrageous outfits even if you have nowhere to wear them.

**Be the opposite of the room.** Show up a little late to the party to make a grand entrance or be the opposite of the movement in the room. If the room is standing still (like a dinner party), move around to get their attention. If the room is busy (like a bar or club), stand still or move purposefully and slowly throughout the room.

For the visual lover, consider the following approaches to planting a sex seed:

► Send a sexy or naughty pic of yourself to their phone or personal (not work!) email.

► Send them sexy pics of other people (within the public domain—photos you are allowed to share) and ask them if they like it.

► Send a quick shot of a body part that is close-up or unclear so they have to fill in the blanks.

► Pull out your favorite toy and let them walk in while you are playing with yourself.

► Tell them about something that you saw that turned you on, and make sure that you share vivid details.

► Turn on a sexy video or porn and wait for them in bed.

► Straddle them facing in either direction so they get a beautiful view of your body.

► Do a slow striptease for them, removing layer after layer.

► Write them a playful note describing what you want to do to them later, or make a list of what makes them a great lover. Bonus points for legible writing!

Auditory Seduction

Sounds are essential to auditory learners, and their yearnings span beyond talking dirty and hearing you scream their name. Research suggests that the sound of a lover's voice can be a turn-on resulting in increased electrical activity in the skin.4 And our voices may even indicate fertility due to hormonal fluctuations that affect blood flow and water retention in the vocal cords. Whether your lover is an auditory learner or a combination of multiple styles, consider these approaches to leave them singing your praises:

**Give them feedback.** People who learn from and respond to auditory cues often love to hear themselves speak. They love the sound of many voices—including their own—and want others to hear what they have to say. To seduce someone who loves to talk, be an active, present listener and ask them questions to win them over. Encouraging them to speak may seem counterintuitive (since they also like to listen), but you will be stroking their ego and fulfilling the universal desire to feel heard and valued.

**Expand your vocabulary.** When you vary your vocabulary or use language that is uncommon in everyday chatter, you arouse their interest. If they are not familiar with a term or phrase, they may be drawn in and become curious to uncover what else you have to share and teach. Taking your time to pronounce words with multiple syllables in a purposeful drawl can affect them in a similar way. You can even use words that you wouldn't use on an everyday basis. For example, if you are a squirter, mention that you cannot wait to experience the incomparable _amrita_ the next time you spend time with them.

**Use low, soft, deep tones.** High-pitched sounds can be off-putting, and speaking slowly, emphatically, and calmly will leave them hanging off your every word. You might also vary your speed and cadence once in a while to maintain their interest, as they can be responsive to fluctuations in sounds. Those with experience in ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) know that the sound of a voice alone can create tingly associations in the head and neck as well as feelings of euphoria and pleasure.

**Play their favorite music.** Most of us are moved by the sound of music, but auditory learners are particularly sensitive and may find that specific vibrations and melodies can have a significant impact on their mood. Ask them what songs make them feel sexy, relaxed, or powerful and adjust your playlist accordingly.

**Highlight your moans and breathy tones when you are intimate.** Auditory people crave sound, and some feel uncomfortable with silence. If you are quiet in bed, consider learning to project your sounds and allow your breath to guide your body; this can draw their attention to the present moment and help them to be more mindful of the experience. Remember that we tend to gauge our lovers' arousal and pleasure levels based on their sounds and breath rates, so be effusive in your expressions and be sure to explore the section on dirty talk in the Verbal Seduction chapter.

Plant one of these sex seeds for your auditory lover:

► Text them sound clips of sex or sexy sounds. Bijoux Indiscrets has a library of sex sounds at orgasmsoundlibrary.com if you are not comfortable making your own.

► Whisper something simple in their ear in public or even at the dinner table. _You're so hot. I've been thinking about you all day._

► Tell them that you see other people checking them out to play into the nearly universal desire to be desired.

► Record an audio clip of yourself masturbating (e.g., in the shower to muffle your sounds) and send them the file. Better yet, tell them all about it and make them wait for it.

► Read them a few lines from an erotic story—in person or on the phone. You can also make a recording of an erotic story as a special treat.

► Leave them a note telling them what _you_ want, or send them a voice note.

► Write _I want you_ on the mirror while they're in the shower and then meet them in bed. (They can imagine the sound of your voice as they read your note.)

► Talk dirty and tell them all the thoughts you savor when you think about them.

Tactile Seduction

Kinesthetic learners are generally attracted to movement and touch. They may be easily distracted and lose interest if they are physically disconnected, and they often express love, desire, and affection through touch and want you to do the same. For many, tactile seduction is the most obvious approach to sex, but we often rush into the usual outcome-based routine rather than allowing the desire to mount and indulging in the process of seduction itself.

To build tension and desire with a tactile lover:

**Use different points of pressure.** Most people use their hands, but you can use any body part to vary the sensations and pressure. Using the palms of your hands or solid parts of your body to put a little pressure on your tactile person can be very seductive and make them feel safe and desired. For example, while watching a movie, put your leg on top of theirs so they can feel the warmth and weight of your body. Alternatively, tickle the sides of your hands down their neck when they are sitting at their desk to maintain the connection even when sex is off the table.

**Dance with them!** Not only does movement (e.g., dance, exercise, yoga) breed confidence, but as we learn to appreciate and trust in our body's performance, our connection to our physical self intensifies. Moreover, dancing builds physical endurance, coordination, flexibility, and strength—all of which come in handy when you are hanging off the chandelier or getting creative between the sheets. You don't have to be a great dancer to press your body against your lover's and sway to the bass (or the treble) of your favorite song. Lean into their hips, tenderly curl your hands around their neck, or turn down the lights to perform a lap dance to leave them eating out of the palm of your hand.

**Play with fabric.** Most of your clothes may be made of cotton, but tactile lovers are attracted to texture. Look for scarves, stockings, sweaters, and sheets that will make them want to touch you the same way they like to touch clothes on the rack in the store. To enhance the sense of touch when you are in the bedroom, blindfold your lover(s) and use anything from fur and feathers to satin and/or silk to stimulate the nerves on their skin.

**Use _their_ hands.** Take them by the hand and show them how to touch you. They find your touch alluring, but tactile lovers also love to feel your body with their own hands. Run their hands over your butt at breakfast, take them by the hand on the car ride home, or wrap their arms right around you while you are snuggling on the couch. And consider other body parts too. They'll be open to following your lead and will likely be overrun with desire if you simply press your naked body against theirs—in bed, in the shower, or anywhere else you can get away with being naked.

**Use push and pull movements.** When pushed or pulled, it is natural to pull or push in response, as the body cannot help but rebel. But if you push your lover first and then pull away (create opposing sensations), it comes as a surprise and can pique their interest. For example, gently push their hips away from you and then pull them toward you. You can do this with various body parts, including the neck, head, or shoulders, to experiment with dominance, submission and switching roles.

Sex seed suggestions for the tactile/kinesthetic:

► Wiggle your way into them as the big or small spoon and cuddle while they are reading or watching a show.

► Send them videos that depict touching: lick your lips, run your fingertips over your lips, cup your breasts, rub your chest over your clothes, or gently rub your hand against your thigh. These clips do not have to be clear or perfect. In fact a shaky hand can be even more beguiling, as they are forced to try to decipher the images.

► Slip them the tongue when they are just expecting a peck, and then lock eyes for a moment before you walk away and leave them wanting more.

► Tease them when they are busy. Fondle them for just a few seconds while they're on a call or give them a naughty squeeze before they walk out the door.

► Give them a one-minute massage (hand, scalp, calves, feet, or shoulders) to start their day, and feel free to do it in the nude.

► Run your thumb delicately over their lips after your kiss.

► Dance naked with them.

SEDUCTION INSTRUCTION

Have your lover take the seduction quiz to better understand how they want to be seduced. Plan a carefully thought-out date (or mini date) that caters to their seduction learning style and solicit feedback during the experience. You can find the seduction learning style quiz here: http://bit.ly/VLQuizl

Tap into Your Other Senses

Tuning into your senses is one of the most effective ways to explore seduction. It helps you to be more present and feel the full experience within your entire body. Your sense of touch is almost always heightened during sexual seduction and arousal, but your other senses can be equally powerful. Your sense of smell, for example, can help you to gauge compatibility with a potential partner, and your sense of taste has the potential to rile you up, but also to quash all sexual desire.

Olfactory Seduction

Smell is biological, and evolutionary theories suggest that we use it to assess mate compatibility. For example, if you find someone's natural scent (without the interference of deodorants, perfumes, etc.) repulsive, you may have similar immune markers, which indicates that you should not procreate together. This theory, however, reflects cisgender heterosexual interactions and may not apply given the range of relationships we engage in and the technological advances in reproductive technology.

But smells also seal our fondest (and most repulsive) memories, and sexual response is affected by scents, so the olfactory system plays a role in seduction regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation. You can use scent to attract and seduce lovers in several ways:

**Cook for them.** Most people love to smell food, which is why chocolate chip cookie candles and pumpkin spice everything sell like hotcakes—and do not get us on started on the delicious smell of hotcakes. When you cook for your partner, not only is this a generous act of service (one of Gary Chapman's five love languages), but you both benefit from the mood boost and the creation of a positive memory. Ask your lover to describe their favorite meal of all time and try to recreate it together or as a surprise.

**Light scented candles or incense.** Identify their preferences by asking them what smells they like and recall fondly. Do they like the scent of fresh linen or clothes coming out the dryer? Do they love the smell of the ocean? Are they a fan of strong scents or subtle ones? Get to know their preferences and consider some research findings suggesting that specific scents may aid in arousal; one study found that combining scents like pumpkin, lavender, licorice, and even doughnuts can increase penile blood flow, and though this is only one measure of arousal, circulation plays a significant role in sexual arousal and response.5

**Attract them with body scents—perfumes, colognes, body sprays, or your natural odor.** The initial scents that spark attraction are generally the scents that sustain it over time. For example, if you wore a specific perfume when you first met, it may always remind your lover of your body—even when others wear the same scent. It can also encourage them to subconsciously recall fond memories from the early stage of your relationship to reinvigorate feelings of passion.

Because familiarity can breed comfort and desire, your natural body scent can become even more appealing as your lover becomes accustomed to it over time; research suggests that no two people interpret smells in the same way, which is part of why smell preferences are highly personal.

Note: if you have a new partner, be sure to ask them about their scent tolerance to be mindful of scent sensitivities.

Gustatory Seduction

Seducing someone via taste is a unique experience, and the desire for food often mirrors the desire for sex. Food and sex both elicit a sensory response, and our experiences of these pleasures are affected by what we see, hear, feel, taste, and smell. Just as we can be turned on and off by the smell and taste of foods, so too are we affected by the scent and taste of a partner.

When considering gustatory seduction, consider **oral hygiene first.** Take good care of your mouth by flossing, brushing your teeth, using mouthwash, and regularly seeing your dentist (if you can). Bad breath ranks as a near-universal turnoff, so taking care of your oral health lays the groundwork for oral interactions from kissing to going down. Before you kiss, ensure that you like the taste of your own mouth, and rinse with water if you do not have anything else on hand, as you may not be able to smell your own breath.

Include taste in your quest to seduce, and appeal to your partner's palate by cooking foods that are associated with heightened libido, sexual functioning, and overall health. Some foods that may positively affect your sex life include **oysters, whole grains, legumes,** and **seafood,** which are high in zinc; **soy milk** and **coconut milk,** which are vitamin-D fortified; and **cherries** , which are a source of melatonin, the hormone that helps to regulate the circadian rhythm and promote a good night's sleep.

Food lovers are also generally responsive to surprise treats, so stock your pantry or handbag with snacks to stave off their hunger and support libido. **Pumpkin seeds** are high in zinc, vitamins, and minerals, and they contain tryptophan, which can promote serotonin production to boost mood. **Blueberries** are rich in flavonoids, which are considered antioxidants; **maca** is believed to support the adrenal glands, which work overtime in response to stress; and **nuts** contain omega-3 fatty acids and L-arginine, which are linked with nitrous oxide to fuel strong erectile functioning.

There is no magic bullet or sexual superfood, but healthy eating affects your mood, energy levels, sleep patterns, and cardiovascular health—all of which interact with sexual desire and response.

If you want to improve the way you eat, **make small changes to your diet,** acknowledging that you do not need to overhaul it overnight. Research and choose two to three healthier foods you would like to eat together and consider cutting one undesirable habit at a time. (You know your body best, so do not let others dictate what is healthy, especially if their standard of health has to do with a narrow version of weight or beauty.) You might add berries and nuts to your morning cereal or opt for a side of vegetables instead of fries at lunch twice a week. You might cut back on chicken wings by one piece per meal or refrain from drinking soda pop three days per week. Small changes to your diet can amount to more significant results than massive overhauls, as you are more likely to follow through and maintain these habits in the long run.

Consuming healthier foods not only affects your emotional and physical health, but your diet can affect the scents you naturally exude and the way your genitals taste. We do not have scientific data to confirm the link between diet and genital taste, but supertasters (e.g., adult film stars who consider themselves orally experienced) have observed that diets high in fruits and vegetables produce sweeter tastes, and fried and processed foods result in more bitter flavors.

In addition to considering how the foods you consume affect your sex life, **you may also want to play with food with your lover.** Your options are endless, so experiment and enjoy the process even if each new approach is not a grand slam. Freeze grapes and pop them into your mouth during oral sex. Lick honey off their nipples. Paint chocolate over their chest. Use cinnamon to create a tingly sensation across their skin. Feed them strawberries with your fingers. Give them a champagne blow job or massage. Decorate cupcakes together in the nude. You might find that connecting food with sexual seduction encourages you to approach both eating and sexual activity more mindfully.

Though you may not include all five senses in every seduction routine, try to consider the ways in which your lover responds to sensory seduction and highlight those that are most appealing to them. Be creative and be sure to change things up, as variety and unpredictability make you more attractive and increase the chances of your lover responding favorably to your seductive advances in the long run.