Input:
1. Q: What are some common myths about anal sex that people believe?
A: Some common myths about anal sex include that it is unnatural, wrong, and immoral, that only sluts, perverts, and weirdos have anal sex, that the ass is exit only and not an erogenous zone, that anal sex is dirty and messy, that only gay men have anal sex, that straight men who like anal sex are really gay, that anal sex hurts, that women don't like anal sex, that anal sex is dangerous and unhealthy, that if you have lots of anal sex you'll end up in adult diapers, that anal sex is the easiest way to get AIDS, and that anal sex is naughty.
2. Q: What are some important aspects of anal anatomy that people should be aware of before engaging in anal sex?
A: Important aspects of anal anatomy include the anus, which is the external opening to the rectum, the anal sphincters and PC muscles, which control the opening and closing of the anus, the anal canal and the rectum, which are the internal passageways for feces, and the G-spot and prostate, which are erogenous zones located inside the anal canal.
3. Q: What are some emotional and psychological aspects of anal eroticism that people should consider before engaging in anal sex?
A: Emotional and psychological aspects of anal eroticism include desire, communication about boundaries and preferences, fear and anxiety, sexual fantasies, trust and power dynamics, and body image issues.
4. Q: What are some hygiene considerations for preparing the ass for anal sex?
A: Hygiene considerations for preparing the ass for anal sex include cleaning the anus and surrounding area, trimming or filing the nails to prevent injury, and shaving or waxing the anal area to remove hair.
5. Q: What are enemas and how are they used to prepare for anal sex?
A: Enemas are a type of anal cleansing that involves introducing water or other fluids into the rectum to flush out feces. They can be done using a plastic bottle or bulb syringe, an enema bag, or a shower attachment. Do's and don'ts for enema use include using warm water, using a gentle flow, and not overdoing it.
6. Q: What are some safer sex practices to consider when engaging in anal sex?
A: Safer sex practices for anal sex include using gloves, oral sex barriers, condoms, and female condoms, and making sure toys are safe to use anally. Other safety precautions include protecting yourself from STDs and avoiding sharing toys without proper cleaning.
7. Q: What are different types of lubricants that can be used for anal sex and how should they be used?
A: Different types of lubricants for anal sex include oil- or vegetable-based lube, desensitizing lube, water-based lube, and silicone lube. They should be used liberally to reduce friction and prevent injury during anal sex.
8. Q: What are some different types of anal toys that can be used for pleasure?
A: Different types of anal toys include anal beads, butt plugs, anal probes and vibrating toys, dildos, strap-on dildos and harnesses, and inflatable toys. They can be made from a variety of materials and should be cleaned and cared for properly to maintain their quality.
9. Q: What are some tips for masturbating anally?
A: Tips for masturbating anally include using lots of lube, starting with small toys or fingers, and taking it slow. It's also important to listen to your body and communicate with any partners about boundaries and preferences.
10. Q: What is analingus and how can it be incorporated into anal play?
A: Analingus, also known as rimming or anilingus, is the act of orally stimulating the anus. It can be done using the tongue and lips and can be incorporated into anal play as a form of foreplay or as the main event. It's important to practice good hygiene before engaging in analingus and to use safer sex practices to prevent the transmission of STDs.

11. Q: What is the prostate and how can it be stimulated during anal sex?
A: The prostate is a small gland located inside the anal canal that is responsible for producing seminal fluid. It can be stimulated during anal sex through prostate massage, which can lead to intense orgasms. Toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation, such as the Aneros, can be used to achieve this.
12. Q: What are some BDSM practices that can be incorporated into anal play?
A: BDSM practices that can be incorporated into anal play include spanking, using butt plugs as a form of bondage, and anal training. It's important to establish boundaries and safe words before engaging in any form of BDSM and to maintain the dynamic between the dominant and submissive partner.
13. Q: What is anal fisting and how can it be done safely?
A: Anal fisting is the act of inserting an entire hand into the rectum. It should only be done with a willing and experienced partner and requires a lot of preparation, communication, and lube. Positions for fisting should be comfortable and allow for easy access to the anus.
14. Q: What are some common issues that people may encounter during anal sex and how can they be addressed?
A: Common issues during anal sex include pain, discomfort, and bleeding. These can often be addressed by using more lube, taking it slow, and communicating with partners about boundaries and preferences. If pain persists, it may be a sign of an underlying medical issue and should be addressed by a healthcare professional.
15. Q: What are some resources for learning more about anal sex and anal health?
A: Resources for learning more about anal sex and anal health include books, enema equipment and information, shopping guides, videos, and websites. It's important to do your research and consult with a healthcare professional if you have any concerns or questions about anal sex.

Response:
Table of Contents

The Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press

Title Page

Acknowledgements

Introduction

CHAPTER 1 - 12 Myths About Anal Sex

> Myth #1: Anal sex is unnatural, wrong, and immoral.

> Myth #2: Only sluts, perverts, and weirdos have anal sex.

> Myth #3: The ass is exit only, it's not an erogenous zone.

> Myth #4: Anal sex is dirty and messy.

> Myth #5: Only gay men have anal sex.

> Myth #6: Straight men who like anal sex are really gay.

> Myth #7: Anal sex hurts.

> Myth #8: Women don't like anal sex.

> Myth #9: Anal sex is dangerous and unhealthy.

> Myth #10: If you have lots of anal sex, you'll end up in adult diapers.

> Myth #11: Anal sex is the easiest way to get AIDS.

> Myth #12: Anal sex is naughty.

> Replacing Myths with Truths

CHAPTER 2 - Our Asses, Ourselves: Anal Anatomy

> The Anus

> The Anal Sphincters and PC Muscles

> The Anal Canal and the Rectum

> The G-spot

> The Prostate

CHAPTER 3 - Beyond Our Bodies: Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Anal Eroticism

> Desire

> Talking About It

> Fear

> Fantasies

> Trust and Power

CHAPTER 4 - Preparing the Ass for Pleasure

> Hygiene

> Manicured Nails

> Shaving and Waxing

CHAPTER 5 - Enemas

> Plastic Bottle and Bulb Syringe Enemas

> Enema Bags and Accessories

> Using an Enema Bag

> Shower Attachment Enemas

> Enema Do's and Don'ts

> Cleaning Enema Equipment

> Enema Ingredients

CHAPTER 6 - Safer Sex

> Gloves

> Oral Sex Barriers

> Condoms

> The Female Condom

> Making Toys Safe

> Other Safety Precautions

> Protecting Yourself

CHAPTER 7 - Lubricants

> Oil- or Vegetable-Based Lube

> Desensitizing Lube

> Water-Based Lube

> Silicone Lube

> How to Use Lube

CHAPTER 8 - Anal Sex Toys

> Anal Beads and Bead Toys

> Butt Plugs

> Anal Probes and Vibrating Toys

> Dildos

> Strap-on Dildos and Harnesses

> Inflatable Toys

> Anal Toy Tips

> Sex Toy Materials, Care, and Cleaning

CHAPTER 9 - Doing It for Yourself: Anal Masturbation

> Why You Should Masturbate

> How to Masturbate

CHAPTER 10 - Let Your Tongue Do the Walking: Analingus

> Hygiene

> Analingus Tips and Techniques

> Analingus and Safer Sex

CHAPTER 11 - Anal Penetration

> Beginning Penetration

> Penetration with Penises, Dildos, and Bigger Toys

> Double Penetration

> Anal Sex Positions

CHAPTER 12 - Anal Pleasure for Men

> Gender Roles and Psychology

> Prostate Stimulation

> Just for Men: The Aneros

> A Different Kind of Orgasm

CHAPTER 13 - BDSM and Anal Play

> BDSM: The Basics

> Spanking

> Butt Plugs and BDSM

> Anal Training

> Psychological Play

> Maintaining the D/s Dynamic

> Penetration by Consensual Force

> Erotic Enema Play

CHAPTER 14 - Butt Bondage: Long-Term Butt Plug Wear

> Tips for Wearing a Butt Plug

> Keeping It In

> Bondage 101

> Bondage Tape Butt Plug Harness

> Rope Bondage Harness

> Leather Butt Plug Harness

> How Long Is Too Long?

CHAPTER 15 - The Art of Anal Fisting

> My Personal Philosophy

> Preparation and Safety

> Keep It Real: Communication and Expectations

> There's No Such Thing as Too Much Lube

> Positions for Fisting

> Work Your Way In

> Four Fingers and Beyond

> Once You're In

> Aftercare

CHAPTER 16 - Troubleshooting: Common Issues and Problems

CHAPTER 17 - Anal Health, Anal Ailments, and STDs

> Anal Health

> Sexually Transmitted Diseases

> Anal Ailments

> Anal Wellness

CHAPTER 18 - The Ultimate Frontier

CHAPTER 19 - Resource Guide

> Books

> Enema Equipment and Information

> Shopping Guide

> Videos

> Websites

Index

About the Author

About the Illustrator

Copyright Page


Input:
 1. Q: What are some books that offer guidance on various sexual topics?
A: Some books that offer guidance on various sexual topics include "The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos" by Violet Blue, which provides tips and advice for enjoying adult videos, "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men" by Bill Brent, which offers guidance on anal sex for men, "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino, which provides tips and advice for women interested in anal sex, "The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus" by Violet Blue, which offers guidance on oral sex for women, "The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio" by Violet Blue, which offers guidance on oral sex for men, "The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians" by Rachel Pepper, which provides advice and resources for lesbian couples who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant, "The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability" by Miriam Kaufman, MD, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette, which offers guidance on sex and disability, and "The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex" by Karlyn Lotney, which provides advice and resources for strap-on sex.

Response:
The Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press

The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos
by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men
by Bill Brent

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
by Tristan Taormino

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus
by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio
by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians
by Rachel Pepper

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
by Miriam Kaufman, MD, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette

The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex
by Karlyn Lotney


Input: Write an acknowledgments section for a book on anal sex. Mention the names of people who contributed to the success of the first edition, the organizations and stores that have invited the author to speak, and the people who have allowed their work to be reprinted in the book. Also mention the author's partner and pets, and express gratitude to friends and family for their love and support.

Response:
Acknowledgments

There are so many people whom I'd like to thank for their contributions to this book.

To Felice Newman and Frédérique Delacoste, for their time, devotion, and gracious understanding. In 1997, they took a chance on a first-time author and a provocative subject, and I am forever grateful to them. Special thanks once again to Felice, to whom I dedicated the first edition, for going beyond the call of duty as an editor. Thank you to my copyeditor, Kevin Bentley.

So many people contributed to the success of the first edition, and some of them are Tom Bates, Rosana Francescato, Karen Green, Russ Kick, Robert Morgan, Chip Rowe, the folks at San Francisco Sex Information, Don Spargo, Jr., Howard Stern, and Don Weise.

To Joani Blank, Susie Bright, Patrick Califia, Debi Sundahl, Nina Hartley, Bert Herrman, Nan Kinney, Jack Morin, Carol Queen, Anne Semans, and Cathy Winks for their extraordinary, groundbreaking work. Without them, this book could not exist.

To Ray Cirino for his inspiration, Beth Tyler for her kick-ass website, the vixens at Vixen Creations for making my dream butt plug, and Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano for putting bend-over boyfriends on the map.

To Claire Cavanah, Rachel Venning, and everyone at Babeland for their support and the opportunity to work in such an important place.

To John Stagliano, Ernest Greene, Evil Angel, and the cast and crew of my video for bringing the book to life in an entertaining and educational way.

To the organizations, colleges, universities, and stores that have invited me to speak or teach about anal sex, and to the courageous people I have done anal demos on—including Barb, Carol, David, Frasier, George, Glenda, Janet, Jessica, Maggie, Marsha, Nancy, Nina, Paula, Sarafina, and Tracy. I learned so much from each of you.

To Thia "Fish" Jennings for her wit, her understanding, and her brilliant illustrations.

To Nancy Bereano of Firebrand Books, Joan Nestle, Greg Constante, Patrick Califia, and Sarah Miller for permission to reprint their work.

To Dr. Beth Brown for her medical expertise.

To Audrey, Barb, Betty, Carly, Clyde, David, Dylan, Greg, Helen, Ira, Julie, Kate, Kathy, Morgan, Nina, Tey, Toni, and Winston for their love and friendship.

To my mother and my late father for always supporting me no matter what.

To my partner Colten Tognazzini for teaching me about unconditional love, patience, and unlimited possibilities, and to our dogs—Reggie Love, Jordan, and Harley—who are my constant companions during research, reading, writing, and revisions.


Input: Write an introduction for a second edition of a book on anal sex. Discuss your initial experience with anal sex and how it led you to write the first edition. Mention the lack of information about anal sex in the past and the progress that has been made in recent years. Discuss your experiences teaching workshops and making videos based on the book, and the questions you have received from people about anal sex. Mention the new content in the second edition, including new chapters, illustrations, tips, and techniques. Discuss the title of the book and its focus on women's experiences, while acknowledging that people of all genders have found the book useful. Discuss the taboo surrounding anal sexuality and the myths that prevent people from exploring their anal desires. Provide an overview of the chapters in the book, including topics such as anatomy, safer sex practices, sex toys, and anal health.

Response:
Introduction:

Confessions of a Backdoor Betty… Eight Years Later

Yes, I admit it—I love anal sex. The first time someone put a finger in my butt, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I think I almost went crazy from the pleasure. The sensations I experienced were so intense that I felt high from the experience, and I couldn't wait to do it again. The first time I put my finger in someone else's butt, the results were just as fabulous—I felt entrusted with my partner's deepest vulnerabilities, in awe of the ecstatic pleasure I could give. Then came more fingers, tongues, vibrators, small dildos, bigger dildos, butt plugs, cocks, bigger butt plugs, even an entire small hand. Each time I could take a little more and give a little more, I felt more sexually alive and powerful. As I incorporated anal eroticism into my sex life, my sex life became better and better. The sex got hotter, my partners more adventurous, my orgasms fierce and explosive. The physical sensations were undeniably some of the best I'd ever felt in my life. I confess too that beyond the deep body gratification, the naughtiness of it all really turned me on.

The opening paragraph of the introduction to the first edition of this book really says it all. It was my passion for anal sex that fueled my desire to write a book about it, and I'm pleased to say that my love for the subject, both intellectually and carnally, has only grown since the book was first published in late 1997.

When I sat down to research and write The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women in 1996 and 1997, there was very little information out there. At the time, there were books and articles on specific topics—solo sex, oral sex, vibrator sex, sex after fifty, fantasy role-playing sex, lesbian sex, phone sex, gay sex, Tantric sex, healing sex, cybersex, kinky sex—yet only one book devoted to the back door, Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin. (I must continue to acknowledge and pay homage again to Jack Morin, who was so far ahead of his time, whom I still consider to be the king of anal pleasure, and whose work influenced me tremendously.) Other more general sex self-help manuals, of which there were plenty, dodged the topic of anal sex, devoted scant attention to it, or subtly dismissed it with misinformation that could scare readers away from exploring anal pleasure. Mentions of ass-fucking and ass loving—especially positive ones—in the media barely existed, with the exception of gay male erotica and both gay and straight porn videos.

I'm thrilled to say that in less than ten years a lot has changed. There is a new generation of sex books—titles like Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides, Nerve's Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen by Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue—that include plenty of sex-positive info about anal pleasure. The butt is front and center in the Bend Over Boyfriend video series and makes appearances in new lesbian porn by S.I.R. Video. There's even The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men!

Ass sex is not only getting its fair shake in sex books and videos, it was the sole subject of former ballerina Toni Bentley's lauded memoir The Surrender and it turns up in mainstream media like Redbook, The New York Times, The New Republic, Glamour, and Jane. I spoke about anal sex on MSNBC, HBO, and the Discovery Channel, and it got plenty of airtime on Sex and the City.

Beginning with its auspicious debut on The Howard Stern Show, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women took on a life of its own. I developed several workshops based on the book that I've taught to more than a thousand people around the world. I cannot count how many times I've illustrated anal penetration with my finger nestled in the pink puckered A-hole of a men's masturbation device called the Fleshlight, while the rest of my digits wrapped around a bright green dildo, as I explained to a roomful of people how to get a dildo in someone's ass. In private and in public, I've put fingers, butt plugs, and dildos in the asses of friends, lovers, and complete strangers (the latter for demonstration purposes, of course). I made two videos based on the book and designed two butt plugs that were named after me. I've received thousands of letters from people, and answered hundreds of different questions. All this just goes to show that when you give people permission to discuss anal sex, they will. And I know from experience that lots of people want information about anal pleasure.

At lectures, workshops, hell, at cocktail parties, people from all walks of life approach me with inquiries about anal sex. Some follow up with: "Are you sick and tired of being asked about anal sex?" The answer remains the same: absolutely not. I welcome their questions—questions their doctors avoid, questions they can't ask their closest confidant, questions no high school health teacher I know would entertain—and I'm glad they had the courage to ask them.

Recently, at a class in New York, a beautiful blonde woman in a light blue sweater raised her hand and queried, "After the initial penetration of a guy's cock in your ass, when should it start to feel good?" "Honey, it should be feeling good all along, and if it's not, then something's wrong," I said. She went on to describe a first-time experience that was painful, something I know other women can relate to. "Was there warm-up, or did he just stick it in?" I asked. The latter, as I suspected. The guy sitting next to her even copped to being the owner of the (understandably) overzealous dick. I told them to make a pact: they will go slow , do plenty of warm-up, and, if it hurts at all, stop without any consequences—no frustration, no feeling guilty, on either side. "Once you're in," I told him, "don't go all the way. Hang back with just the head inside to allow her ass to get used to the feeling. Oh, and was there clitoral stimulation going on? Because you usually can't go wrong with some clit stimulation." They looked at each other, then back at me, smiling.

My job is never boring.

As a kid, I was taught by some pretty great, underappreciated public school teachers, and, although they weren't talking prostate glands and anal beads, they influenced the way I inform others about my favorite subject. I just put it all out there. Nothing is off limits: enemas, poop, hemorrhoids, why you shouldn't use Vaseline as lube or candles as sex toys. It's important not to shy away from the so-called embarrassing stuff and to just be honest. My goal is simple: debunk the myths, fight the taboos, explain the basics, and give people information and tools they can use. And do it in a way that's less boring lecture, more stand-up sass. I'm one of those teachers who wants to get my students so excited about the material that they beg for extra-credit assignments (hint: my butt toys need to be inventoried!). I challenge them ("Every man in this room should be fucked in the ass at least once before he dies!"), and I hope I inspire them. It feels good to know that I've contributed to improving someone's erotic awareness, and ultimately her sex life. Sometimes, I want to go home with my students (no, not like that…well, not with all of them anyway), peek into their bedroom for a night, and coach their anal pleasure session from plug to plow. But usually I must send them on their way with a reassuring nod and a tube of Astroglide Gel.

When I began work on this second edition, several friends asked me, "A second edition? Do you actually have more to say on the subject?" Well, as it turns out, I do. Through teaching anal sex classes, being asked questions I didn't know the answer to, having lots more anal sex (both in front of a roomful of students and in private), I have learned so much more. The publisher didn't just stick a new cover on the old book and call it "pdated." Every single page has been revised; there are new chapters, new illustrations, new tips and techniques, new answers to new questions.

The title is still The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, and it is written from a woman's perspective and geared toward all women, regardless of their sexual orientation. It's so important for women to have information and inspiration about our bodies and the pleasure they can bring us. That said, women aren't the only ones who bought the first edition, who attend my workshops, or who write to me, and I hope this edition can be equally useful for people of all genders. Although the book concentrates on the experiences of women, many of the guidelines and generalizations about anal sex apply to everyone.

Growing up in America, it is nearly impossible to escape the taboo about anal sexuality and all the myths surrounding it. From an early age, we are taught that our assholes are private, dirty , and shouldn't be touched in a sexual way. Whether we learn about the birds and the bees from popular books or in sex education class, the ass is rarely mentioned, unless to say it's behind our genitals. When anal sex is acknowledged as an erotic preference in sex research and popular advice columns, it is portrayed as a fantasy of straight men whose female partners endure pain in order to please them. There are rarely representations of women who enjoy anal sex with either men or women. Myths like these are based on fear more than fact, and often prevent people from voicing their anal desires and acting on those desires. The first chapter is a good place to begin exploring these myths more closely. If we challenge the deeply ingrained notions behind them and discover how they have affected our own attitudes about the ass and its erotic potential, we can begin to replace those myths with truths. In addition, you may find the facts useful for talking about anal sex with your partner.

In the second chapter, I provide a brief anatomy lesson, covering related muscles and body parts, and encourage you to get better acquainted with your ass. In chapter 3, I discuss some ways we can take care of ourselves emotionally and psychologically, covering topics like desire, communication, and fear. In addition, I explore some of the issues that may come up during anal sex with a partner, including fantasy, power dynamics, and trust. Chapters 4 and 5 cover basic preparation tips you should know about before beginning anal exploration, including hygiene, grooming, and enemas.

Safer sex practices are the subject of chapter 6, and there is a guide to lubricants in chapter 7. Sex toys are the focus of chapter 8, including anal beads, butt plugs, anal probes, dildos, vibrating and inflatable toys, and strap-ons. Plus, there are some hints about how to assess the safety of any other tool you're thinking of using for anal sex.

Chapters 9 through 11 cover the ins and outs of anal masturbation, analingus (also called rimming), and beginning and advanced anal penetration, including information on positions. Chapter 12 highlights specific issues and techniques for male anal pleasure. In chapters 13, 14, and 15, we move into more edgy territory, with BDSM, long-term butt plug wear, and anal fisting. Based on my work over the years, I've compiled a troubleshooting guide of some of the most common issues and problems people ask me about for chapter 16.

Chapter 17 is an important one for everyone; it covers general anal health, common anal ailments, as well as sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)—their symptoms and treatments. The information about various diseases is written specifically as it relates to anal sexuality.

In each chapter, you'll see sidebars called Ask the Anal Advisor: these are questions from real people and my answers. Throughout the book, I have also included brief excerpts from erotic literature and quotes from popular books and magazines about anal pleasure. I hope these words will encourage you to enact your own anal fantasies and enjoy the full range of anal eroticism. At the end of the book, I have included a resource guide, with selected books, videos, websites, and other sources for people who want to learn more about anal pleasure.

I want this book to empower you with knowledge about your body and sexuality. I want you to have safe and pleasurable anal sex, alone or with your partners. And, while the cover touts this book as the "Ultimate Guide," I don't consider it the final word by any means. I hope it is just the beginning—the beginning of more discussion, more research, more investigation, and more exploration of the world of anal sexuality.

The moment I discovered anal eroticism and shared it with a lover was a huge turning point in my sex life. It still drives me crazy after all this time. I hope that you—beginner, fan, or expert—will use this book to help fulfill, improve, and enhance your explorations of anal pleasure.

Tristan Taormino
New York City
November 2005


Input: Write a chapter for a book on anal sex debunking common myths about the practice. Begin by discussing the idea that anal sex is unnatural, wrong, and immoral, and explain how societal institutions have reinforced this taboo. Provide examples of how anal sex has been portrayed in mainstream media and the laws surrounding it. Then, address the idea that anal sex is only for sluts, perverts, and weirdos, and explain how people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds enjoy anal sex. Next, tackle the myth that the ass is only for exit and not an erogenous zone, and explain how the anus and rectum are full of sensitive nerve endings that can be pleasurable for both men and women. Address the idea that anal sex is dirty and messy, and explain that as long as standard hygiene is practiced, anal sex is no more messy than any other kind of sex. Debunk the myth that only gay men have anal sex by providing statistics on the prevalence of anal sex among gay men and women. Address the idea that straight men who like anal sex are really gay, and explain that men who enjoy receiving anal pleasure are not repressing homosexual desires or tendencies. Debunk the myth that anal sex hurts and explain that with desire, relaxation, communication, and lots of lubrication, anal sex can be pain-free and pleasurable. Finally, address the idea that anal sex is dangerous and unhealthy, and explain that with proper precautions, anal sex is just as safe as any other kind of penetration.

Response:
CHAPTER 1

12 Myths About Anal Sex

Myth #1: Anal sex is unnatural, wrong, and immoral.

TRUTH: Religion, medicine, science, government, education, media, and other important institutions dictate what is considered acceptable behavior (and what is considered deviant) in all areas of life, including sexuality. The anal sex taboo has been well established and reinforced by these institutions in order to maintain the status quo. For example, most sex education programs for students under eighteen do not include any mention of anal pleasure or anal sex. The majority of sex self-help books for adults include little or no information on the subject. When anal sex is represented in mainstream media (which is still infrequently), it is more often portrayed as negative, violent, or degrading than positive or pleasurable. Up until the 1960s, under sodomy laws, anal sex was a crime; in some states, it only applied to same-sex partners, while in others, it applied to everyone. As recently as this decade, it was still illegal for anyone to engage in anal sex in nine states in America. In the case of Lawrence v . Texas in 2003, the Supreme Court ruled that sodomy laws were unconstitutional.

> > My best friend, Jane, called me
>  a few weeks ago.
>  "I beat you," she said.
>  "You beat me? You have a job, your
>  boyfriend went to Princeton, and you
>  live in a major city. I'm sporadically
>  employed in a town with, like, one
>  offramp, and my boyfriend went to
>  a minor Midwestern university and
>  thinks deodorant is bourgeois. The
>  only thing I have on you is that I'm
>  a bigger slut."
>  "That," she said, "is precisely how
>  I beat you."
>  "You had anal sex."
>  "Bingo."
>  My heart sank. "You must be
>  very pleased with yourself."
>  "Honey, you have no idea."

> > —SARAH MILLER—

The good news is that history teaches us that sexual norms are constantly changing. There was a time when masturbation was thought to be unhealthy and sinful. In the 1970s, oral sex was considered out of the ordinary, even a little kinky. Today, masturbation and oral sex are considered a healthy part of a person's sex life. Today's taboo is tomorrow's norm.

Most of us have grown up learning something negative about our asses, so the myths that follow will sound familiar. The legacy of anal sex taboos continue to linger and inform how people perceive anal pleasure. New sexuality research, changes in sex education, and legal victories like Lawrence v. Texas will hopefully go a long way toward shifting public opinion.

Myth #2: Only sluts, perverts, and weirdos have anal sex.

TRUTH: The notion that anal sex is kinky, abnormal, or perverse is based on the assumption that one form of sexual expression—specifically, heterosexual penis-vagina intercourse—is natural, normal, and conventional. All other activities, including manual stimulation, oral sex, and sex toys, are considered abnormal. From the perky girl next door to the daring dominatrix in the dungeon, people of every age, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic class, race, religion, occupation, and ability practice and enjoy anal sex.

Myth #3: The ass is exit only, it's not an erogenous zone.

TRUTH: It's true that the anus and rectum are parts of our body's efficient waste management system. But, in addition, the ass is full of sensitive, responsive nerve endings, and the stimulation of these nerve endings can be intensely pleasurable—and orgasmic—for both men and women. When we get turned on, and our pussies get wet, our cocks and clits erect, our asses aren't left out. They too become engorged, aroused, and extra sensitive. Through anal penetration, women can experience indirect G-spot stimulation and men get direct prostate stimulation.

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: AM I Normal?

> > Q: I've been married over fifteen years and my husband has suggested anal sex a couple of times, and he even rubbed around my butt a few times, but as a "good girl," I never wanted to go further. That changed on my husband's fortieth birthday. I offered him my butt to do as he wished and I have to admit I really, really liked it (even though it was a bit sore the next morning). That was three years ago. I never thought that I would enjoy anal sex as much as I do. Now, I often think that I prefer anal sex, and most of our intercourse includes some sort of anal play. Is it normal to like anal sex as much or better than vaginal sex? Am I an anal addict?

> >
>

> > A: And what a great birthday present you gave your husband! To answer your question simply and directly, there is really no such thing as "normal." Mainstream culture and media would have us believe that heterosexual cock-in-pussy intercourse is the most common activity and therefore normal, but we all know that is bull. The truth is that we like what we like. Whether it's the smack of a riding crop on your butt, an enthusiastic toe-sucking, or anal play, if it turns you and your partner on, then go for it! For some women, anal penetration may feel as good as or better than vaginal penetration; lots of people tell me that anal play produces more intense orgasms. Plus, adding clitoral stimulation to backdoor banging or creating an angle for indirect G-spot stimulation can all help increase the pleasure of anal penetration. It sounds like you really enjoy anal sex with your husband; ignore those voices in your head which may be calling you deviant or weird, and just keep doing what you're doing.

Myth #4: Anal sex is dirty and messy.

TRUTH: In general, Americans have an obsession with hygiene and cleanliness, so this myth plays into our fears of being dirty. We imagine our asses to be a lot filthier than they actually are. Feces are stored in the colon and pass through the rectum and out the anus during a bowel movement. If you're a healthy person with regular bowel movements, than only a small amount of fecal matter will be present in the anal canal and rectum. As long as you practice standard hygiene, anal sex is no more messy than any other kind of sex. If you have a bowel movement and take a shower or bath before sex to clean the anal area, no other extraordinary measures are needed. Some people like to have an enema before anal sex, but that is not necessary.

Myth #5: Only gay men have anal sex.

TRUTH: People of all genders and sexual orientations have anal sex. While it's true that many gay men do have anal sex, the actual statistics reveal a much smaller percentage than is widely believed: 50-60 percent have tried it and fewer than 30 percent have it regularly. Fellatio is a much more common practice among gay men.1 The idea that all gay men and only gay men have anal sex—one that the Religious Right would like us to believe—is simply not supported. Furthermore, there is no evidence that any single group defined by sexual orientation has a great deal more anal sex than any other group. In fact, depending on which survey you cite, from 20 to 45 percent of women have anal sex.2

Myth #6: Straight men who like anal sex are really gay.

TRUTH: Men who like anal sex (whether they are on the giving or receiving end) like it because it feels good. Their desire for buttfucking has nothing to do with their sexual orientation, and this myth is fueled by homophobia. Heterosexual men who like anal sex are not repressing homosexual desires or tendencies. Their desire for a particular sexual activity does not rely on or "cancel out" their sexual preference in a partner. According to research, more gay men regularly practice fellatio than anal sex, and as my friend Audrey says, "How come no one ever asks: If a straight guy likes blow jobs, does that mean he's really gay?"

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: AM I Gay?

> > Q: I'm a guy, I like women, and I've never been attracted in any way to men. I want to try anal sex (with me on the receiving end) with dildos and even a strap-on. Does this mean I am gay?

> >
>

> > A: The idea that men who like getting it up the butt are gay is absolutely a myth, one fueled by our society's homophobia and misconceptions about anal pleasure. Plenty of heterosexual men enjoy receiving anal pleasure, whether with tongues, fingers, or toys. As I've said before, anal sex can be an incredibly powerful experience, but it's not powerful enough to change your sexual orientation! I think that men who enjoy strap-on action especially have anxiety because of the implication that they are getting fucked by a cock, whether it's silicone or not. The truth is that it feels good, and when you turn around, you want a woman on the other end of that cock.

Myth #7: Anal sex hurts.

TRUTH: Anal sex should not hurt—not even a little. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Pain is your body's way of saying, "This is not working for me right now," and we must listen to our bodies. If you ignore your body's warnings and continue, then you can hurt yourself. The experience may make you and your anus more tense the next time you try anal penetration. Your body remembers everything, so don't try to fool it. You don't have to "work through the pain" to get to the pleasure. That's what you do at the gym, not during anal sex. With desire, relaxation, communication, and lots of lubrication, anal sex can be not only pain-free but arousing and orgasmic.

Myth #8: Women don't like anal sex.

TRUTH: This is a particularly insidious myth about heterosexual women. Often, when we do hear about women having anal sex, the story goes something like this: The long-term boyfriend begged and begged, and finally his girlfriend gave in to his demands. Her boyfriend had a great time, but she did it just to please him and didn't enjoy herself one bit.

We never hear stories about women who crave and enjoy anal play, women who initiate anal sex, or women who are more than happy to knock on their boyfriends' back door. Women all over the world write to me, come to my workshops, buy my books and videos, and they're just a small percentage of women everywhere who love anal sex.

> > "Buttfucking is seen as the
>  ultimate male sexual
>  fantasy. We, as a culture,
>  don't understand how
>  much women can like
>  taking it up the ass."

> > —SUSAN CRAIN BAKOS—

Myth #9: Anal sex is dangerous and unhealthy.

TRUTH: Because anal and rectal tissue is so delicate, you can hurt yourself or someone else if you don't exercise all the precautions I discuss in this book. However, if you go slow, use plenty of lube, and listen to your body, anal sex is just as safe as any other kind of penetration. In fact, anal sex can make your butt better than it was before. The more you practice controlling and relaxing your sphincter muscles, the more you are exercising and toning them (just like any other muscle) as well as increasing blood flow to the area, all of which can improve the health of your ass.

Myth #10: If you have lots of anal sex, you'll end up in adult diapers.

TRUTH: When done properly, frequent penetration will not lead to a gaping asshole, loose sphincter muscles, or a loss of control over bowel movements. During anal penetration, you're not stretching or tearing the sphincter muscles; you are relaxing them to allow for comfortable penetration. With regular anal sex, you can get in touch with your sphincters and you may find that you actually have better bowel control than you did before.

Myth #11: Anal sex is the easiest way to get AIDS.

TRUTH: During anal penetration, you can develop minute tears in the delicate rectal tissue, which give any virus (including HIV) a direct route into the bloodstream. You can contract any sexually-transmitted disease, including HIV, from unprotected anal intercourse with an infected partner. Other forms of anal pleasure without safer sex barriers, including oral-anal contact, manual penetration, or sharing sex toys, can also be risky. However, anal sex does not automatically lead to AIDS. Anal sex practiced with common sense, safer sex, or an HIV-negative partner can be as safe as other sexual practices. (Read more about safer sex in Chapter 6 and STDs and HIV in Chapter 17.)

Myth #12: Anal sex is naughty.

TRUTH: Well, this is actually a myth and a truth. Of course, anal sex doesn't make you a bad person. However, for those of you who are turned on by the idea that anal sex is taboo, deviant, and naughty, don't let me ruin your party. Lots of people actually like the fact that anal sex is naughty, and they may incorporate that into their anal play. The "naughtiness factor" is part of the turn-on.

Replacing Myths with Truths

What did you learn about anal sex during your childhood, your teens, your adulthood? We all have some "negative cultural baggage" associated with our butts. We may laugh it off, but the most damaging thing about these myths, which are pervasive in our society, is that they prevent people from considering anal pleasure or from acting on their anal desires. If you have fears and anxieties about anal pleasure, you need to voice them, to yourself and to your partner. By acknowledging and discussing the myths that affect us in a safe environment, we can begin to see the truths behind the myths. Only then can we begin to see anal sex for what it really can be—safe, fun, and pleasurable.

NOTES

1 Jack Morin, Anal Pleasure and Health (San Francisco: Yes/Down There Press, 1986), 9-12, and June M. Reinisch with Ruth Beasley, The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1990), 137.

2 Elliot Leland and Cynthia Brantley, Sex on Campus: The Naked Truth About the Real Sex Lives of College Students (New York: Random House, 1997); Robert T. Michael et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey (New York: Little, Brown and Co., 1994); Samuel S. Janus and Cynthia L. Janus, The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1993); Reinisch and Beasley, The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex; Morin, Anal Pleasure and Health.

QUOTES AND SIDEBARS

Sarah Miller, "The Slut Within," Details (The Sex Issue), May 1997, 77. © by Sarah Miller, reprinted with permission of the author.

Susan Crain Bakos, Kink: The Hidden Sex Lives of Americans (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1995), 7.


Input: Write a chapter for a book on anal sex that provides an in-depth look at anal anatomy. Begin by discussing the anus, including its appearance, sensitivity, and cleanliness. Then, delve into the anal sphincters and PC muscles, explaining their function and how they contribute to anal pleasure. Provide exercises that can help strengthen the PC muscles and improve anal sensitivity. Discuss the anal canal and rectum, including their size, sensitivity, and unique curves. Explain the differences between male and female anal anatomy, specifically the presence of the G-spot and prostate gland. Provide information on how to locate and stimulate the G-spot and prostate for maximum pleasure. Include illustrations to help readers visualize the anal anatomy.

Response:
CHAPTER 2

Our Asses, Ourselves: Anal Anatomy

Although anatomy is part of science and medicine, the study of anatomy is less objective than one might think. There are a variety of differing interpretations and opinions about the internal structure of our bodies—especially the nuances and complexities of our sexual anatomy. This is certainly true for anorectal anatomy—which is nearly identical in men and women, except that men have a prostate gland. The discussion of anatomy and the anatomical illustrations in this book are based on my interpretations of several sources, including medical textbooks, sex manuals, and conversations with sex educators.1

The Anus

The anus is the external opening of the anal canal. It can be one of our most sensual erogenous zones, but it is one too often feared, forgotten, and left unexplored. It is comprised of folds of soft tissue that give it a wrinkled or puckered appearance. The area around the opening is full of hair follicles; the hair may be fine and light, coarse and dark, or somewhere in between. Everyone has hair surrounding the anus. Rich in blood vessels and nerve endings, the tissue of the anus is incredibly sensitive and responsive to touch and stimulation. Contrary to cultural mythology, with regular bathing and good personal hygiene, the anus is generally clean.

The Anal Sphincters and PC Muscles

Two muscles—the anal sphincters—surround the anal opening (see illustrations 1 and 2). The external sphincter is closest to the opening. With patience and practice, you can voluntarily control the external sphincter, making it tense or relax. Imagine that you are holding something in your ass or expelling something. As you suck in and tense up or push down and release, you are exercising your external sphincter muscles. The internal sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which controls involuntary bodily functions like your breathing rate. This muscle ordinarily reacts reflexively; for example, when you are ready to have a bowel movement, the internal sphincter relaxes, allowing feces to move from the rectum to the anal canal and out the anus. Because the external and the internal sphincters overlap, they often work together. Think of the sphincter muscles as the gatekeepers to your ass. If they are relaxed, ready, aroused, and content, anal penetration will be comfortable and feel good. If they are tense, tight, or not warmed up, anal penetration will be uncomfortable, painful, or downright impossible.

Illustration 1: Female Anatomy

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Changing Color

> > Q: Is there any way of making my anus pinker or lighter in color? Mine is dark and I hate it. Any suggestions?

> >
>

> > A: Several people have written to me asking me about skin bleaching in the anal area. First, let me assure you that the way your ass looks now is perfectly normal; in most people, the puckered flesh of the anus is naturally a few shades darker—or a slightly different color—than the rest of their skin. For some people, the contrast is more extreme than others.

> >
>

> > Skin bleaching products are used to suppress pigmentation in order to lighten the skin; the most common products contain hydroquinone, kojic acid, or mandelic acid. There are two companies I know of that sell a product called anal bleaching cream, which they claim lightens the skin around the anus. Pink Cheeks Salon in Southern California produces and sells its own cream which contains 4 percent hydroquinone; ShopinPrivate.com sells a cream normally marketed for lightening freckles, age spots, and skin discoloration that contains 2 percent hydroquinone. Neither is approved by the FDA specifically for the bleaching of the anal area, although products with similar ingredients are approved for skin lightening. Consult a dermatologist or other physician before using any product on your ass.

> >
>

> > As for making it more pink, well that's a little trickier. The pinkest holes I've ever seen are those that have been stroked, licked, and/or fucked until they couldn't help but blush with contentment (lots of blood rushing to the area helps, too). I support people modifying their bodies in whatever ways they wish in order to feel better about themselves, and so I offer you the information you requested; however, I would also like you to consider why you "hate" the way your ass looks, and what might be at the root of that particular body issue for you. Coming to terms with your negative feelings about your butt and learning to accept and love your body as it is will be a lot less painful and expensive and, in the end, seems like the "rosier" option.

Other surrounding muscles also contribute to sensations in the anal area. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals. In this muscle group are the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles), which support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. For both men and women, these muscles contract during sexual arousal and climax; specifically, they usually contract randomly when you are aroused and rhythmically during orgasm.

The more attention you pay to your sphincter muscles, the easier it will be to begin to relax them. Because the two muscles work in tandem, you can encourage the internal sphincter to relax by relaxing the external sphincter. Many people have found that by exercising and strengthening their PC muscles they can have more control of their sphincter muscles. PC muscle exercises will help you get in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations; plus, when you exercise the PC muscles, other muscles in the area are also exercised and strengthened. (For exercise examples, see Exercising Your PC Muscles below.)

Women and men who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report some very positive benefits: heightened pelvic sensations and greater anal sensitivity; increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation, and during vaginal and anal penetration; more control over orgasms; and better, more intense orgasms. As with any exercise regimen, this should be performed daily for best results. If your muscles seem tired at first, don't worry—that's normal. The harder the exercises are for you, the less toned your PC muscles are, and the more you need a workout. Use your common sense, and don't overdo it to begin with. If you experience any pain while doing them, see a doctor.

> > Unconscious internal
>  sphincter, conscious external
>  sphincter, only centimeters
>  apart. Where else is one's
>  unconscious and conscious
>  mind so intimately connected,
>  so readily regulated, so easily
>  probed? It is a psychological
>  playground of the most
>  intriguing potential.

> > —TONI BENTLEY—

Exercising Your PC Muscles

Some of the following exercises are called Kegel exercises, named for the physician who first popularized the theory of exercising PC muscles; others are those recommended by health care professionals.2 You can do the exercises lying down, sitting, or standing. You can also do them during masturbation or foreplay; you'll get a work out in addition to increasing blood flow to the area and upping your arousal.

FINDING THEM: In order to locate your PC muscles, pretend that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC muscles. If you put your finger on your perineum—the area between your vagina and your anus—while you do this exercise, you can feel the contractions.

NICE AND EASY: Take a deep breath and while you inhale, contract the muscles and hold the contraction for a few seconds. Then exhale and relax the muscles. This combination of inhale/contract and exhale/relax is what your body does naturally. You can do about a hundred repetitions per day.

QUICK AND CLEAN: Take a deep breath and this time while you inhale, tighten and release the muscles repeatedly (about ten times), then exhale and relax. Try to do these contractions as quickly as you can. Twenty to fifty sets a day is recommended.

SUCK IT IN: For this exercise, inhale and pretend you are sucking water inside your vagina and anus. Then exhale and bear down, pushing out that imaginary water. You will exercise your pelvic muscles and your stomach muscles. For best results, do ten to thirty each day.

SHAKE IT GIRL: Renowned anal health expert Jack Morin recommends moving your body while you do your pelvic exercises: "I suggest combining the Kegel exercises with lots of free movement in a variety of settings. The positive effects of this movement will be limited, however, if you hold your pelvis rigid while moving the rest of your body. In fact, habitual, chronic, pelvic 'holding on' is one major reason why so many people need Kegel exercises. Holding the pelvis requires muscular tension which restricts movement. Restricted movement allows muscles to deteriorate." 3 Try combining the exercises with walking, running, dancing, or simulating a hula-hoop motion.

The Anal Canal and the Rectum

Just inside the anus is the anal canal. The anal canal is about one to two inches long and leads into the rectum. The same soft tissue that makes up the anus comprises the anal canal, so it is very sensitive to touch and stimulation. The walls of the anal canal are comprised of tissue that, like that of the clitoris and penis, becomes engorged from increased blood flow during arousal. When the sphincter muscles are relaxed, the anal canal will expand during arousal, although it will still feel "tighter" than the rectum because of the sphincter muscles.

Beyond the anal canal is the rectum, which is eight to nine inches long; the rectum is made up of loose folds of soft, smooth tissue. It is wider than the anal canal and can expand more than the anal canal when you are aroused. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not a straight tube, but has a subtle curve to it. The lower part of the rectum curves toward your navel. After a few inches, the rectum curves back toward your spine, then toward your navel again. The rectum and colon both curve laterally (from side to side) as well; whether to the right or the left will vary from person to person. These curves are part of the reason that anal penetration should be slow and gentle, especially at first. Each person's rectum and its curves are unique, and it is best to feel your way inside the rectum slowly, following its curves, rather than jamming anything straight inside. Just as the vagina is most sensitive at its opening, the anal opening and anal canal are more sensitive then the rectum.

Illustration 2: Anorectal Anatomy

> > A person's butt is as
>  unique as a fingerprint.

> > —BERT HERRMAN—

The G-spot

Men's and women's anal anatomy is very similar with one important difference: women have a G-spot and men have a prostate gland, both of which can be stimulated during anal penetration. Named in honor of the German gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg who was the first to write about this sensitive spot in the 1950s, the G-spot is also known as the urethral sponge.4 The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone; it surrounds a portion of a woman's urethra, and can be felt through the front wall of the vagina, about an inch to two inches inside the vaginal opening. It's much easier to find the G-spot when a woman is aroused, because during arousal, the sponge will swell and become more pronounced. If you slip a finger inside the vagina and curve toward the front of the body , you'll locate the G-spot, which will feel spongy, a distinctly different texture than the smooth tissue around it. For many, but not all women, stimulation of the G-spot is very pleasurable and may lead to orgasm. Most women who like G-spot stimulation prefer firm, deliberate pressure and stimulation rather than a light touch. The urethral sponge contains paraurethral glands and ducts that fill with fluid; some women are able to ejaculate this fluid. This is known as female ejaculation or vaginal ejaculation.

So what's the G-spot got to do with anal pleasure for women? During anal penetration, especially in certain positions, many women can experience indirect G-spot stimulation. A thin membrane is all that separates the vaginal cavity from the rectal cavity, and if pressure is applied at the right angle during anal penetration, the G-spot can be stimulated. In fact, plenty of women can have what they describe as a "G-spot orgasm" (the same orgasm they have from direct G-spot stimulation) during anal penetration, and some can ejaculate from anal penetration alone. Because it develops from the same embryologic tissue as the male prostate gland and produces fluid similar to prostatic fluid, the G-spot is often called the "female prostate."

The Prostate

The prostate is a gland that surrounds part of a man's urethra; it's behind the pubic bone, below the bladder, and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate.

Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. You can find the prostate two to three inches into the ass and toward the front of the body. Like the G-spot, it's easiest to find when a guy is turned on. As he becomes aroused, the prostate gland fills with fluid, swells, and becomes more prominent. Prostate stimulation can be a big source of pleasure for men; it can enhance genital stimulation as well as lead to orgasm. Many men can have an orgasm without ejaculation or ejaculate only prostatic fluid as a result of prostate stimulation. For more information on prostate stimulation, see chapter 12.

Illustration 3: Male Anatomy

NOTES

1 Jack Morin, Anal Pleasure and Health; Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1997); Roselyn Payne Epps and Susan Cobb Stewart, eds., The American Medical Women's Association Guide to Sexuality (New York: Dell Books, 1996); James H. Grendell, M.D., Kenneth R. McQuaid, M.D., and Scott L. Friedman, M.D., eds., Current Diagnosis and Treatment in Gastroenterology (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996); and San Francisco sex educator Robert Morgan, personal conversations.

2 These exercises are recommended in Anal Pleasure and Health, by Jack Morin, and The Complete Guide to Safer Sex from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, edited by Ted McIlvenna (Fort Lee, NJ: Barricade Books, 1992).

3 Morin, Anal Pleasure, 59.

4 Beverly Whipple, John D. Perry, and Alice Khan Ladas, The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality (New York: Owl Books, 2005).

QUOTES AND SIDEBARS

Toni Bentley, The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir (New York: ReganBooks, 2004), 87.

Bert Herrman, Trust: The Hand Book (A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing) (San Francisco: Alamo Square Press, 1991), 45.


Input: Write a chapter for a book about anal sex that explores the emotional and psychological aspects of anal eroticism. Begin by discussing the importance of desire, emphasizing that anal sex should only be pursued if both partners genuinely want it. Address common reasons people may be hesitant to engage in anal sex, such as emotional issues or negative societal beliefs. Discuss the importance of communication, providing tips for initiating conversations about anal sex in a non-sexual setting. Address common fears associated with anal sex, such as hygiene, pain, and safer sex concerns. Emphasize the importance of reassuring each other and setting boundaries. Discuss the role of trust and power dynamics in anal sex, emphasizing the importance of being fully present and connected during the act. Include quotes from experts and provide examples of conversations about anal sex to illustrate your points.

Response:
CHAPTER 3

Beyond Our Bodies: Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Anal Eroticism

Our emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being play a major role in our erotic lives, and our experiences of anal sexuality are no exception. Anal play can be exceptionally psychologically-charged for some of us because of our own emotional issues or negative ideas associated with the ass. Listen to your heart, trust your instincts, and, above all, communicate with your partner.

Desire

There really is no faking it in anal sex. Your body, mind, and psyche all must be in agreement that you want to have anal sex. Don't have anal sex because you think it's what your partner wants. Or because your partner is pressuring you to do it. Or because you're afraid that you won't be a desirable lover if you don't do it. Take responsibility for your erotic likes and dislikes—figure out what they are and then communicate them to your partner. If you aren't wholeheartedly gung ho about getting your ass fucked or you're harboring some unresolved issues, those emotional and psychological feelings will absolutely have an impact on your physical experience. Desire is a key ingredient to hot, satisfying anal sex, and if it's missing, you can experience tension, discomfort, and pain. If you try it and don't like it, then that's okay; anal sex just isn't for you, and you should respect your own desires.

> > The most important thing, the single most
>  important thing when you're talking about
>  wanting to progress forward with any kind of
>  anal erotic play is desire. You must, must do
>  this because you want to do it… Of all the
>  parts of your body, nothing knows a liar like
>  your anus. So if your mind is saying "Yes!
>  Yes!" and your heart is saying "No! No!"
>  your anus will always listen to your heart.

> > —NINA HARTLEY—

Talking About It

Communication is a key component before, during, and after anal sex. Communication about sex is specific to the individuals involved, so there's no one rule that will work for everyone. No matter how you approach it, it's a good idea to talk to your partner about this in a nonsexual setting, rather than right before you're about to delve into anal erotic play. Depending on how your partner reacts, it could bring things to a screeching halt, which no one wants. You can go about it in a number of different ways, and how you do it should depend on your style and your partner's comfort level. You may want to test the waters in a playful, indirect way. Try a statement that will let you see what your partner thinks about the subject in general, like, "I saw something in this magazine about anal sex, what do you think about it?" This is a safe way to approach it if you're not sure how your partner may react. Saying, "I want to do this to you. Now," can put pressure on a person to respond immediately or may make someone feel more intimidated or threatened. If you and your partner are direct with each other and talk openly about sex, then, by all means, be direct. But if you're hesitant, give your partner time to react; tell him or her you don't need a response right away. It's important that you make your request as pressure-free as possible, and give her the opportunity to voice her concerns, if she has any.

> > No lover is able to look
>  into your eyes and figure
>  out how you want to get
>  fucked in the ass.

> > —SUSIE BRIGHT—

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Hesitant Partner

> > Q: I have been with my girlfriend for six years, going on seven. The sex is really amazing, but something is missing: anal. I love to eat her pussy a lot. The taste of her and just being down there can make me come. For the past year, when we sixty-nine, as I lick her pussy, I have been playing with her ass, and she moans louder when I do that. One time, my whole thumb was in her ass and she loved it. But when we talk about it, she seems hesitant. When I go down on her, I tend to give her a small rim job or, when we are in the missionary position and I swivel her left leg over so her ass is exposed, I play with her ass. She gets into it, and then stops. I'm very confused. I think she loves it, but I don't know.

> >
>

> > A: It sounds to me like you two need to have a conversation about anal pleasure. According to your account, your girlfriend isn't opposed to it, though it seems that you want to go further than she is comfortable going. It may be that rimming and penetration with a finger feel great, and she has no desire to do any more. But the fact that you're getting mixed signals means she may have some unexplored issues that prevent her from fully enjoying the anal play you already do and stop her from further exploration. Be open, compassionate, and nonjudgmental when you approach her. Ask her if she has fears or misgivings about anal pleasure; she may have concerns about hygiene, safer sex, penetration, and other common issues associated with butt sex. Talk through these issues, and see if you can get to the bottom of her feelings.

Fear

People can have a lot of fears and negative feelings about anal eroticism. In some cases, a partner may be hesitant about knockin' on the back door because she has certain misconceptions about buttfucking—that it's dirty, painful, or only for a man's pleasure. They seem irrational on the page, but these are very real fears in people's minds that may prevent them from even considering it. It is important to realize that most of us are made aware of the anal taboo starting in childhood and therefore we are all affected in some way by it.

While most of these fears have their roots in myths and misconceptions about anal sex, it is important to respect and validate your partner when she or he shares her or his feelings. Have an honest talk with your partner about fears you both have, and review chapter 1 and its discussion of myths, dispelling the misinformation and replacing it with correct information: anal sex doesn't have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won't hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways. Reassure each other that either one of you can stop the activity at any time and be fully supported by the other one. Set concrete ground rules and boundaries about what is okay and what isn't; as experiences progress, the boundaries can change if needed. Each person needs to know that she or he will be safe from both pain and disease during anal sex and that there is mutual trust and respect.

Some people's fears may be about anal sex being difficult, uncomfortable, painful, or impossible to enjoy. Women especially often veto anal sex because of a negative experience in the past. If a past partner tried to go from zero to sixty in five seconds by sticking his dick in your ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and you never want to do it again. Bad sexual experiences are difficult to overcome: who'd want to repeat something awful? Your partner needs to reassure you: this time, with him, it will be different. He'll take his time, use plenty of lube, and work your ass up to his cock. You will be in control of the pace, and he'll stop if you say so.

On the flip side, the partner who'll be doing the penetrating can also have fears. You may be afraid that you'll hurt your partner, you won't do it right, or you won't like it. The important thing is that you get everything out on the table before you begin your anal adventure.

Having an open, honest discussion can help illuminate what each person wants from the experience and why, so both people are less likely to make incorrect assumptions about the other person's desires and expectations. You can ask each other: What do you want? What do you expect? What are your needs? Here are some examples of what a receptive partner might say:

> > > I'm afraid it will feel okay , but I'll never want to do it again.

> > >
>

> > > I want to work my way up to one finger, then stop.

> > >
>

> > > I'd like licking and touching, but no penetration.

> > >
>

> > > I want to be able to have the small dildo in my butt.

> > >
>

> > > We've done fingers a dozen times, tonight I want your cock.

> > >
>

> > > I want everything to feel safe.

What have your previous experiences been with anal eroticism? Share them, discuss them. Why do you want to explore anal sensuality? Insertive partners should share as much as receivers:

> > > I want to explore something new with you.

> > >
>

> > > I'm curious about what it feels like.

> > >
>

> > > I've done it before and want to do it again.

> > >
>

> > > It's something special and intimate that I want to share with you.

> > >
>

> > > I saw it in a porn movie, it turned me on, and I want to try it.

> > >
>

> > > It's always been a fantasy of mine.

Fantasies

Fantasies can be incredibly powerful forces in our lives, erotic and otherwise. Many people fantasize about erotic activities like anal sex but are afraid to vocalize their desires. Sharing our sexual fantasies with a partner can deepen a sexual relationship and help us communicate our needs and desires.

Some people have very specific fantasies associated with anal play. Maybe you want to dominate your partner as you fuck his or her ass. Or you have a fantasy of being fucked in the ass against your will. Perhaps you want to play out a doctor-patient scenario, get your temperature taken with a rectal thermometer , and take it from there. Some men like to take on a female persona, willingly or as "forced feminization" when they get fucked in the ass. With anal play fantasies, the possibilities are endless.

It is equally important to distinguish our fantasies from our realities. If your favorite masturbatory fantasy involves someone ramming your butt repeatedly with a giant silicone dick that makes you come every time, don't be surprised if you don't get the same result when you try it out. There are some fantasies that we can share and help bring to life, others we have to tweak slightly based on what's realistic and our own boundaries, and others that should probably remain fantasies. Have realistic expectations for yourself and know the limits of your own body. One finger in your ass and a whisper in your ear about that big dick might just do the trick.

Trust and Power

Anal sex can be very charged, intense, and emotional. There are power dynamics in all sexual interactions, but they can be especially magnified during anal sex because it is such a forbidden act and because of the physical delicacy of the anus and rectum. Think about it: you're giving a delicate part of your body over to another person. That can raise deep issues of power and trust.

It's important for partners to be able to discuss their feelings openly, feel safe, and trust one another. The person receiving anal penetration can feel especially vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, and the partner giving anal pleasure must respect the receiver's wishes, needs, and limits. The giver may fear that she or he will hurt the receiving partner and needs to be reassured that everything's okay. Again, communication and ground rules can help alleviate tension and reassure both people that it will be a pain-free, safe experience.

Because of the trust involved, it's important for both partners to be completely present. Too often, people who attend my workshops or write to me say, "I can only have anal sex if I've had five drinks." I'm not going to deny that people combine alcohol and drugs and pleasurable anal sex. Ultimately, alcohol and drugs of any kind alter your awareness of your body, an awareness you absolutely must have to enjoy anal sex. Anal sex requires of both partners patience, skill, good communication, and coordination. The insertive partner needs to be keenly aware, intuitive, and able to read her or his partner's body language and nonverbal cues. The receiver needs to be in touch with his or her body to know what feels good and what doesn't—especially if he or she is a novice. People are more likely to ignore their anal boundaries—both physical and mental—if their judgment is impaired by alcohol and drugs. I believe that with proper relaxation, communication, trust, and desire, people can experience pleasurable anal intercourse without any "help" from alcohol or drugs. The intimacy and ecstasy of anal pleasure can sometimes be overwhelming, but it can also be very special and extremely satisfying, especially if both partners are fully present and connected.

QUOTES

Nina Hartley, Nina Hartley's Guide to Anal Sex (Adam and Eve Productions, 1994).

Susie Bright, "Ass Forward" in Susie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex World (San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1990), 34.


Input: Write a chapter for a book about anal sex that provides practical advice on preparing the anus for pleasure. Discuss the importance of having a bowel movement before engaging in anal sex and the role of enemas for those with gastrointestinal issues. Address hygiene concerns, providing tips on cleaning the genital area before anal play and recommending specific soap products. Discuss the importance of manicured nails when using fingers for anal stimulation and provide advice for those with long fingernails. Address the topic of shaving and waxing, providing tips for safe and effective hair removal in the anal area. Include an FAQ section that addresses specific questions about hair removal and provide resources for further information.

Response:
CHAPTER 4

Preparing the Ass for Pleasure

The best thing you can do to make anal sex more comfortable and clean is to clear the runway: have a bowel movement beforehand. Feces are stored in the colon, and only move into the rectum just before a bowel movement. If you feel the urge to go and listen to it, feces pass through the rectum and out of the body. (If you cannot or do not go to the bathroom at that moment and instead hold it in, feces will remain in the rectum until you do go.)

If you are in good general health and have well-formed bowel movements, then the rectum and anus will be generally free of fecal matter after you go. However, if your poop isn't perfect—due to poor diet, stress, constipation, diarrhea, or other gastrointestinal problems—there may be more fecal matter present in the rectum. In that case, you may want to have an enema before anal sex. (For more on enemas, read chapter 5.)

Even the healthiest rectums may contain trace amount of fecal matter, so it's important to be realistic about your expectations for anal play. As adult film star Chloe says, "Get over your fear of shit!" 1 She's right. Feces pass through your ass on a regular basis, so expecting to never encounter some during anal play is unrealistic. I am not saying you need to love or even like contact with feces, but the more anal play you engage in, the more likely it will happen. You might as well just smile, clean up, and move on.

Hygiene

Before sex, take a shower or a bath and clean your genitals. I recommend that people use castile soap—a very mild soap made from coconut, hemp, or olive oils, or a combination of oils—to clean their private parts. Most bar soaps, liquid antibacterial soaps, and body washes contain harsh ingredients like dyes and fragrances that can irritate sensitive skin and mucous membranes. While bathing, you may want to stick a soapy finger up your ass to gently clean out the anal canal. Make sure you rinse your ass well afterward. If, for whatever reason, you can't bathe, you can use a wet washcloth or a baby wipe to clean the anal area. In fact, I like to have a box of baby wipes nearby during an anal play session. Baby wipes are made for the genital area and much less harsh than other wipes, like Wet Ones. I like the baby wipes that are unscented and alcohol-free because the "baby" smell isn't erotic for me, and the alcohol-free wipes tend to be gentler on my delicate parts. They are great for catching lube drips and cleaning up unexpected messes.

Manicured Nails

The tissue of the anus, anal canal, and rectum is very delicate, much more delicate than the tissue of the vagina. If you're planning to use your fingers to stimulate your ass or your partner's, make sure your nails are short and filed smooth. Check for torn cuticles, or jagged or sharp edges, which can be felt inside the sensitive ass. Short, smooth nails will help prevent small tears in the anal tissue, which can cause irritation and discomfort during or after anal play. If you're not sure about your nails, you may choose to wear a latex or latex-alternative glove. Gloves aren't just a safer sex barrier: they transform your hand into a smooth, seamless tool for comfortable stimulation and penetration. For more about gloves, see chapter 6.

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Long Fingernails

> > Q: My boyfriend seems to like my finger up his butt when I suck his cock. I am worried, however, that I might hurt or scratch him because I have nice long fingernails, and I hate to cut them. Any advice?

> >
>

> > A: So much pleasure awaits both of you, but you're smart to be concerned about your nails. The sensitive anus and rectum require gentle handling. Don't despair—you can keep your long nails and still give him what he wants. First, you need to invest in some disposable latex or nonlatex gloves. To protect you partner and prevent a tear in the glove, stuff a cotton ball in each fingertip. Or you can wrap your nails in gauze before slipping on a glove. One woman recently told me she's found a finger bandage which she puts on underneath a latex glove. Whichever option you choose, make sure you use plenty of lube on your glove.

Shaving and Waxing

I love to shave my ass in addition to shaving my pussy. I am proud to say that I can shave my ass without a mirror. I am so familiar with every millimeter of my ass that I can just feel my way around all the puckered flesh and tiny, sensitive folds. I love the way my ass (and my pussy) feels when it's been freshly shaved—smooth and soft and new. I love the potential danger of doing it, and the results of a job well done. I love the thought of someone pulling down my panties, bending me over, and thinking, What a nicely shaved asshole she has.

Some people like to shave their asses because they like the way it looks, others say that a shaved ass is a more sensitive ass. Besides its practical use, many people find that shaving their own or their partners' genitals can be very erotic. Guidelines for shaving the anal area are very similar to those for shaving other pubic areas, like pussies, cocks, and balls. Find a clean, well-lit place to do it. Shaving your own ass can be difficult, so either enlist your partner to help or use a mirror so you can see what you're doing . Apply a nonirritating shaving cream or gel (as with my soap recommendations, avoid scented creams or gels which can be irritating to genitals). Use a clean, new disposable razor; choose a double- or triple-blade razor for the closest shave. Begin slowly, shaving in the direction of the hair growth. Use your other hand to pull the skin taut and prevent nicks or scrapes. Rinse the area well. As the hair grows back, it will itch. Most people who shave regularly say that the itching greatly decreases the more you do it. Try witch hazel for the itching. If you use lotion or vitamin A & D ointment to soothe the itch, make sure to wipe it off and then wash your ass before penetration, since these products usually contain oils, which will break down latex condoms and toys. Never use hair removal creams (brands like Nair) in the genital area.

> > High heels put your
>  ass on a pedestal—
>  where it belongs.

> > —VALERIE STEELE—

> > ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Anal Hair Removal

> > Q: Have you ever known of anyone using electrolysis or laser hair removal on their butt? Would it be safe and effective?

> >
>

> > A: In electrolysis, an electrical current is used to destroy the hair follicle. There is a certain amount of pain with any electrolysis (some people describe it as a slight needle prick or a quick burning sensation), and because your anal area is sensitive to begin with, there's probably more pain from the procedure there than, say, on your legs. Electrolysis treats one hair follicle at a time and requires multiple treatment sessions on each follicle to achieve a permanent result. Laser hair removal uses an infrared laser light directed at the hair. The light energy is absorbed by the pigment melanin, which then is transformed into heat energy to disable the hair follicle. A laser can treat hundreds of hairs at a time, so it can take less time than electrolysis. Laser treatment is less painful, but does not work on everyone, especially people with darker skin. The best results are achieved on people with fair skin around the ass and dark hair. It does not work on people with light-colored pubic hair or people whose hair and skin are close in color. Both laser treatment and electrolysis are expensive; however, they are both permanent after several (about four or five) treatments. It's an investment in time and money and there are risks associated with both procedures. If these procedures interest you, do some research, and contact a licensed dermatologist or cosmetologist for a consultation.

Messy and more painful than shaving, waxing your ass generally lasts longer. While I know some folks who do their own waxing at home, I say leave it to the people who do it for a living. Find a licensed professional at a reputable salon that comes recommended by someone you know. Be prepared for it to hurt, like ripping a Band-Aid off your butthole. Your ass may be tender and a little swollen right after the procedure. Don't get waxed right before an anal sex date; give your ass a day or two to recover.

NOTE

1 Chloe, in Tristan Taormino's video, Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (Evil Angel, 1999).

QUOTE

Valerie Steele, Shoes: A Lexicon of Style (London: Scriptum Editions, 1998).