Input: Write a chapter on sex toys and accoutrements for a nonfiction book. Discuss the history of sex toys and the evolution of materials, design, and function. Provide an overview of popular sex toys and accessories, including dildos, vibrators, harnesses, and butt plugs. Describe the benefits and drawbacks of different materials, such as Cyberskin, silicone, and glass. Offer tips on how to choose the right sex toys based on individual preferences and needs. Discuss the importance of safer-sex practices and provide information on latex-free alternatives for people with latex allergies. Provide resources for purchasing sex toys and accessories, including online and brick-and-mortar stores.

Response:
_**chapter seventeen**_

**Sex Toys and Accoutrements**

My silicone dildo has wonderful ridges that rub my G-spot just the right way. If I was stuck on a deserted island, this is the one sex toy I would take with me.

ONCE UPON A TIME there were few places to buy sex toys other than porn shops catering primarily to men. In those days, sex toys were hardly designed with lesbians in mind. Marketed as novelty items, many toys were quite shoddy. Along with silly floppy dildos, you could find battery-operated vibrators so cheaply made they'd land in the trash quicker than you could say "preorgasmic." Of course, classic porn shops are still around, and while you may get a kick out of the corny displays of toys in lurid packaging, many women find these shops truly awful.

Now you can find women-friendly sex toy boutiques from coast to coast in the U.S. and Canada, and in some cities in the U.K. and Europe: Good Vibrations in San Francisco and Berkeley; Toys in Babeland in New York and Seattle; Grand Opening! in Los Angeles and Brookline, Massachusetts; Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis; Early to Bed in Chicago; A Woman's Touch in Madison; Forbidden Fruit in Austin; Good for Her in Toronto; Come as You Are in Toronto and Montreal; Womyn's Ware in Vancouver; Sh! in London; Tiberius in Vienna, and many more.

Quite a few are staffed by lesbian and bisexual women, as well as gay men and queers of all genders and proclivities. Some specialize in S/M and fetish gear, others in women's sexual education. A few even have started branding their own lines of lubricants, toys, and other supplies. (A review of sex toy store websites will reveal toys turning up with different names on different sites, which can complicate comparison shopping.)

Many sex toy stores offer educational programming, from evening presentations to day-long workshops and ongoing classes. Check the resources chapter for stores with websites. You'll find their calendars of events online.

Online sex toy sources seem to multiply daily, some with quite elaborate websites. You should have no trouble finding retail and mail-order sources for well-made, attractive dildos, vibrators, harnesses, and other toys designed with you in mind. You can get accurate information and helpful advice, along with books, magazines, videos, toys, fetish gear, and safer-sex supplies.

What are the most popular toys and accoutrements among lesbian and bisexual women customers of sex toy boutiques? Happily, women's preferences are so varied and so individual that sex toy popularity contests are worthless. _So what_ if seven out of ten lesbians prefer that 8-inch silicone wonder—all that matters is whether it feels good to _you_. Still, a casual survey of toy saleswomen yields some interesting information.

The biggest recent innovations in sex toys are in materials (Cyberskin dildos, silicone lubes, glycerin-free lubes), in design (beautifully proportioned, high-end—pardon the pun—chrome and acrylic butt plugs and dildos), and in function (Fukuoku finger vibes, remote-control vibrators, and other techie delights).

Many women say Cyberskin (also called softskin) feels just like skin. Made from a mixture of silicone and PVC (polyvinyl chloride), Cyberskin dildos feature a hard core with a softer outer layer. "Not only does Cyberskin quickly warm to body temperature, it's also very resilient—it can be stretched and pulled and will 'remember' its original shape," say the folks at Good Vibrations in San Francisco.1

"When Cyber Cock landed on our shelves," say the women of Come As You Are in Toronto, "it quickly became the must-have dildo. Its hyper-realistic look  and feel made it the centerpiece of at least one dyke party we heard about. And the stampede began."2

The downside of Cyberskin is that it gets dirty—fast! The slightly tacky surface attracts lint and other particles of dirt floating about your play space. That means that you really have to clean Cyberskin toys thoroughly after use—or use condoms, though a condom will cover up the skinlike feel of the material. Since Cyberskin contains silicone, avoid use with silicone lube. (See "How to Care for Your Toys," below.)

Silicone lubricants like Eros Bodyglide, ID Millennium, and Wet Platinum are remarkably silky. They're slipperier than water-based lubes. They don't dry up or get sticky. They're never stringy. They can be used for massage, a plus when erotic massage includes the entire body. No wonder they've become so popular. They're condom compatible, too; they contain no oils and won't destroy latex. Since they _do_ last and last, you'll have to use soap and water to wash them off—which is why I don't recommend them for vaginal penetration. Don't use silicone lube with silicone toys—the silicone in the lube may bond with the silicone in your toy, disfiguring your dildo. Silicone lubes are much more expensive than water-based lubes—but a little of it goes a long way.

Glycerin-free lube has proved to be a god(dess)-send to many women who experience yeast infections that can be traced to the glycerin contained in most water-based lubricants. Glycerin is similar in chemical composition to glucose—sugar—which can create a fertile environment for yeast infections to flourish. Liquid Silk by Bodywise leads the pack of the new glycerin-free lubes. "Our customers rave about this creamy British lube," writes the Good Vibrations toy buyer. "It contains no glycerin and never gets sticky." 3 Good Vibrations also markets its own brand of glycerin-free lube, Slip Inside, which they say is thicker and longer lasting than Liquid Silk. Liquid Silk is by far the best-selling lube at A Woman's Touch in Madison, Wisconsin. "For fisting and anal play, women tend to prefer Liquid Silk or its cousin, Maximus. It doesn't get sticky, has no smell, and feels close to the real thing." 4

The websites of Good Vibrations and Blowfish list the ingredients in every brand of lube they sell—an added bonus for those of us who are concerned about  putting mystery substances in our bodies. The Early to Bed site features a page of "all-natural" lubes, like O'My, which even contains hemp (to discourage yeast, bacterial, and fungal infections, according to the manufacturers).

Pyrex, steel, chrome, granite…butt plugs?!? Yes. There is something about a hefty toy that "offers a uniquely weighted sensation in the ass," says Tristan Taormino. "Tap the base with a cane or fingernails, and the sensation vibrates through the ass like you've got a tuning fork in there!" 5 Metal, glass, and stone are a good choice if you like the fullness of a solid weight exerting pressure on the walls of your rectum. Try rolling over or lifting your ass in the air—the gravitational pull on a half-pound butt plug is something to be experienced. Pyrex and metal are easy to clean, and they conduct temperature. You can easily warm up toys in a basin of water. Plus, the highly polished surfaces help the plug slide right in.

Acrylic and glass dildos now come in a wide variety of exquisite designs. The shapes are graceful as well as functional, with lovely curves just right for G-spot play. Or bold ridges, veins, and balls, as on the Crystal Cock, an acrylic realistic available from Blowfish. Innerspace makes a large assortment of acrylic toys—voluptuous, durable, and discreet. (Many fit securely into special stands for display as objets d'art.) You'll also find ruby curved-glass dildos, juicer-style glass dildos (the cock head looks like an orange juicer), and glass dildos with bumps, spirals, and handles that invite you to crank that baby up.

Technologically innovative vibrator designs abound: dual-action vibes (clit stimulation plus penetration), remote-control vibes, pretty vibes, waterproof vibes, stronger battery-operated vibes, strap-on vibes, and vibes that swirl and pulse as well as vibrate. Pocket rockets are among the most popular battery-operated vibrators. Hardly bigger than a lipstick, they can be kept anywhere. They're cheap and their many imitators come in colors to match your favorite purse. Or your entire shoe collection.

Fukuoku 9000 finger vibes caused a sensation when they appeared in sex toy stores. They're cute, fit on your finger tips, and pack a whole lotta buzz in such a small package. Then there's the Audi-Oh Butterfly vibe. The vibe straps on where you want it most, and a control (which looks like a pager) innocently hangs off your belt. The vibrator pulses in time to music. As if you needed a reason to go dancing.

Other innovations in multitasking include a pantheon of toys that provide additional stimulation during strap-on sex. Harness cuffs fasten onto the center strap of a thong-style harness to hold a dildo or butt plug inside the wearer of a strap-on dildo. Either partner can tuck any of a dozen small vibrators into a harness or pouch for clitoral stimulation during dildo play. You can also wear a corset harness to hold up your stockings while you strap it on.

**_Introducing Sex Toys into Partner Play_**

The same communication skills you use to negotiate any type of sex will help you introduce your partner to your favorite sex toys. (See "Sex Talk Guidelines" in chapter 7, Communication and Finding Sex Partners.)

• _Tell your partner your sex toy fantasies._ She may have no idea what you want to do with that vibrating cock ring.

• _Bring up the subject in a relaxed setting._

• _Speak in positives._ She may jump to the conclusion that if you want to bring your vibrator to bed you must find her techniques inadequate.Tell her what you like about her sexual style and what you like about sex toys.

• _Trust your senses._ Are you concerned that sex toys are contrived or unnatural? One woman wrote, "I used to believe that 'real' lesbians only had sex in a 'natural' way—hands, mouth, tongue, fist." The blood pulsing through your clitoris, the contractions of your vaginal and anal muscles, the rush of pleasure through your genitals—all are deliciously "natural." So trust your body, not your judgments.

• _Demonstrate on yourself._ Show your partner exactly what you like to do with your favorite sex toy. (See "Masturbating with a Partner" in chapter 6, Masturbation.)

• _Be playful._ We call them toys because they're meant to be fun. "My lover and I keep our lubes chilly in the fridge and then shock each other by dripping the cold lubricant on each other's steamy vaginas," wrote one woman.

• _Go shopping together._ Perhaps your partner isn't turned on by the toys you've got at home. You may be surprised by what catches her eye.

• _Talk about your misgivings_. Are you afraid you'll feel silly wearing a harness and dildo? Approach sex toys in the spirit of learning. "I still have some work to do on my comfort level with strapping it on," wrote another. "But, you know, practice makes perfect!"

Many toys try to do too much, with too little attention to design and engineering—they appeal to impulse rather than your "smart-shopper" savvy. The women of Toys in Babeland describe such toys as "huge, slimy, battery powered monsters [that] will 'vibro twist' and 'corkscrew delight' their way right into your trash can." 6

_I strap on a thick, 7-inch vibrating jelly dildo. What a godsend! It seems to fit my partner's needs perfectly and the vibrating soft jelly-like texture feels absolutely fabulous on my clitoris._

There are exceptions, of course—including vibrating jelly dildos and vibrating anal probes featuring flexible spines. One such toy is the Flex-O-Pleaser. "Yes, the name is dorkiness incarnate," say the folks at Blowfish, "but if you're looking for a vibrator for insertion play, we recommend this one highly."7 This battery-operated vibrator features a 3-inch cylindrical head on a strong, flexible 5-inch shaft. The whole thing is attached to a 5-inch handle with an adjustable switch. Other vibrating anal probes feature a vertebral column that allows the toy to retain any shape you give it. The Adventurer, featured in Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah's _Sex Toys 101,_ ups the ante: not only does the shaft vibrate, it twirls in little circles. A little goes a long way.

#  **How to Choose Sex Toys**

There are so many toys you can purchase or adapt for your pleasure, you may feel overwhelmed by the possibilities. A quick surf through the websites of retail and mail-order outlets will show a virtually limitless choice of sex toys. You can invent your own toys, making clever use of household items, or search the produce aisle of the grocery store for erotic inspiration. How can you find out what you like? A little window shopping will help, whether you browse on the Web or in person at your local sex toy boutique. Below are some questions to consider as you begin your search, along with suggestions for play and cautions regarding safety. You can purchase the toys and supplies mentioned here from the mail-order and retail outlets listed in the resources section.

##  **Do You Like Clitoral Stimulation?**

_My Hitachi Magic Wand sends me into spiraling heights of orgasmic ecstasy! I like the Magic Wand because it's very fast and it can allow me to reach orgasm in a few minutes. It's like a quickie, but with a toy._

Vibrators provide steady, reliable clitoral stimulation. You can choose from electric vibrators, rechargeable vibrators, battery-operated vibrators, remote-control vibrators, waterproof vibrators you can use in the bathtub, egg-shaped vibrators you can slip inside a harness cuff, and vibrators shaped like rabbits, beavers, and even bears.

For an intense buzz, try a coil-operated electric vibrator, like the Wahl, which produces quite strong sensations and features a small point of contact that can focus sensation on a very small area. The all-time best-selling Hitachi Magic Wand, with its tennis-ball shaped head, produces somewhat more diffuse sensations, though you can slip an attachment over the head for more specifically focused vibrations.

Battery-operated vibrators tend to produce sensations that are less intense than those of electric vibrators, though recent models offer much greater sensation. They also don't hold up to years of use, unlike many electric vibrators. However, they come in many more shapes and styles than electric vibrators and are much less expensive. Battery-operated vibrators are quite versatile—they're easily adapted to use with dildos and harnesses as well as other toys. Plus, they'll fit in your pocket, purse, backpack, suitcase, and the glove compartment of your car. (See chapter 10, Clitoral Play.)

_For solo delights, I like the Rabbit Pearl, a rotating dildo with revolving "pearls" in the shaft and two vibrating bunny ears that fit on either side of my clit…. Yum!_

##  **Do You Like Nipple Stimulation?**

You may enjoy playing with clothespins, tweezer and alligator clamps, tit pumps, suction cups, hot wax, piercing needles, and other toys. Try wetting your nipple  with lube and then caressing it as you would your clitoris. (See chapter 9, Breast Play, and "Teach Yourself Some New Tricks" in chapter 15, Play Nice!….)

**Illustration 20. Vibrators**

##  **Do You Like Vaginal Penetration?**

_My favorite toy is my slender, curving, purple-and-black-swirled silicone dildo, Champ. I think its form is elegant, and its coloring beautiful. It's just the right size for me when I'm really hot and loose._

Dildos come in all sizes and shapes—from the diminutive 5-inch Pal to the meaty 10-inch Prince. You'll find dildos in silicone, rubber, Cyberskin, and other materials. Dildos are available in a variety of colors—black, lavender, and swirl patterns, among many others. You no longer need to put up with a sickly pinkish hue marketed as "flesh tone" (which one savvy retailer calls DOA Caucasian). You can buy dildos in a variety of abstract designs, realistic dildos with veins and balls, dildos shaped like dolphins, double dildos, battery-operated vibrating dildos, and dildos with a slit in the base to fit a small egg-shaped vibrator.

Do you like deep thrusting rather than a feeling of fullness? Try a long, slender dildo. Make sure it's firm enough to stay rigid. Do you like a feeling of being stretched wide? You might like a thick, squat dildo.

_I love my amethyst Jelly Jewel. It's a bit too long (10 inches) but it's the perfect width—almost 2 inches. It's realistic—it doesn't apologize for its invasive attitude._

Double dildos have long been popular among women who are captivated by the fantasy of simultaneous vaginal penetration—but they have rarely lived up to their promise. Either too floppy or too rigid, these double-headed dongs suffered from poor design. Traditional models worked for the few women who could "manage the scissors-like positioning and pulled shoulder muscles that come with the territory of a ruler-straight double." 8

The Nexus changed all that. It's a harness-compatible silicone double dildo, angled and curved to actually work. The shorter, curved end fits inside you; the longer end "juts jauntily out" to penetrate your partner. "We love it's ultraqueer chic: reciprocal pleasure, hands-free functionality, and tasteful marbling," wrote the toy reviewers at _Girlfriends_ magazine.9 The newest innovation in double-dildo design is the Feeldoe, which features an extra-short short end angled to hit the wearer's G-spot.

**Illustration 21. Dildos and Harnesses**

Dildos are sold by diameter and length. For strap-on sex, you'll want a dildo at least an inch or two longer than one you'd use by hand, since the harness and your body will absorb some length. You can "measure" your vagina with a zucchini or cucumber. Experiment with vegetables of varying length and girth; when you find one of a thickness that suits you, cut it lengthwise in half. You can now measure the diameter. Dildo length is measured from the base to the tip. Even if you shop organically, remember to slip a condom over that cucumber.

You can also experiment with dildos by purchasing inexpensive rubber models. When you find the length, girth, shape, and style you like, you can then invest in a high-quality silicone dildo. Remember that you _must_ use condoms on rubber dildos, since they're more porous than silicone and will absorb dirt very easily. (See chapter 12, Vaginal Penetration.)

##  **Do You Like G-Spot Stimulation?**

Any curved, firm insertive toy is a candidate for G-spot stimulation. Of course, whether or not it hits the spot will vary from woman to woman. Some women get the best results from G-spot attachments designed to fit over the head of an electric vibrator, such as the G-Spotter for the Hitachi Magic Wand. Others prefer insertable vibrators with rotating shafts, or dildos with ridges or a prominent, cocklike head. The all-time classic G-spot toy is the Crystal Wand, which Toys in Babeland describes as "10 inches of clear acrylic hand molded into a shallow _S_ -shape."10 (See chapter 3, Anatomy and Sexual Response, and chapter 4, Orgasm, for more on your G-spot.)

##  **Do You Like Anal Penetration?**

_I have a fairly small silicone butt plug. I like how it warms to my body and is flexible so that it doesn't tear or otherwise brutalize me. It's great for added zing during almost any sexual activity._

Butt plugs are popular toys for anal penetration. Butt plugs aren't intended for thrusting. They're designed to be held inside your rectum by your sphincter muscles. Like dildos, butt plugs come in all shapes and sizes—from the miniature Flirt  (which is hardly bigger than your index finger) to the great big Triple Ripple plugs (which dwarf your fist)—and in a variety of materials. Again, if you're not sure what size or style you'll like, buy a cheap rubber plug before graduating to higher-quality silicone. Don't forget that what may seem rather diminutive when placed on the counter at your local toy store may seem humongous when placed inside your butt at home.

**Illustration 22. Anal Toys**

Once you've sat on a few starter plugs, anal advisor Tristan Taormino will steer you toward an advanced model. Taormino's website offers silicone, vinyl, glass, steel, and granite butt toys, like clear acrylic Nova (whose magnifying property gives a peek into the wearer's butt) and the Cherry (which is actually for the advanced user; it earns its name because Taormino recommends it as a warm-up for first-time anal fisting). She's also designed her own butt plugs for Vixen Creations, the Tristan I and Tristan II—these plugs are designed to go in and stay in.

Jelly dildos are a great choice for anal penetration, since the soft rubber won't abrade delicate rectal tissues. At Grand Opening! in Brookline, Massachusetts, a popular vibrating anal toy is the Butt Buzzer, which combines flexible jelly rubber with an egg vibrator embedded in its shaft.11 Of course, women are very individual in their choice of materials for anal toys—you might prefer a heavy chrome butt plug to a jelly dildo.

Don't overlook anal beads, vibrating butt plugs, flexible anal probes, and other toys specifically designed for butt play. (See chapter 13, Anal Penetration.)

The rules for anal toys bear repeating here:

• The toy must have a flared base to prevent it from slipping inside your rectum and working its way into the colon. Similarly, anal beads must be securely fastened to their string and have a ring on the end to hold onto.

• The toy must have a smooth surface—no sharp edges or breakable parts.

• You must be able to clean the toy with antibacterial soap and hot water.

• If you intend to use the toy to penetrate your partner deeply, it must be flexible enough to maneuver the curves of the rectum.

• Use lots of lube! Since the rectum isn't self-lubricating like the vagina, make sure you coat your toy thoroughly with lube.

##  **Do You Want to Strap On Your Dildo?**

_I definitely like the ability to strap it on. It leaves both of my hands free to use on other parts of her body. There is no better feeling in the world, for me, than to wrap my arms around her while I am penetrating her as she reaches orgasms._

Dildo harnesses come in several styles and materials. They can strap onto your hips, your thigh, a chair—or even your face. Choose your harness to fit both the dildo you wish to use with it and the style of sex play you prefer.

• _What size dildo do you want to use?_ Any dildo with a flared base can be worn with a harness—if it's not too thick to fit through the cock ring or opening in the harness. The key is selecting the right harness. Many come with interchangeable rubber cock rings that snap into place. Theoretically, you could swap these for any size cock ring and thus any dildo with a flared base—even the 2-inch-diameter Prince. Other harnesses have a fixed cock ring or a reinforced hole through which the dildo protrudes. Your choice of dildo is limited by the diameter of the hole. If you intend to wear your harness with a variety of dildos, you'd do well to select a harness with a detachable cock ring.

• _What kind of material do you like?_ You can find well-constructed harnesses in leather, vinyl, rubber, and nylon webbing. Nylon is less expensive than leather, of course, and quite sturdy.

• _What's your aesthetic?_ Hard-studded black leather, velvet-swirl corset harness with lace-up back and satin garters, spandex shorts with cod piece, or a comfortable packing harness which fits under boxers or briefs for all-day wear—take your pick.

• _Do you want to strap on additional penetrative toys?_ If you want to use a cuff to hold a butt plug or dildo inside the wearer, select a harness with a center strap.

• _What's your hip size?_ The Crown harness works well for women of substantial size. Since the harness rides high on the wearer's hips, her belly won't get in the way of deep penetration. The Crown comes in hip sizes up to 60 inches. Aslan Leather makes harnesses that accommodate hip sizes up to 38 inches, but they'll customize their designs to fit larger women. Stormy Leather's Texas Two-Strap and Terra Firma harnesses fit hips up to 46 inches. (D-ring models can be expanded up to 56 inches.)

• _Are you curious about other ways to strap on a dildo?_ In addition to harnesses you wear around your hip, you can also try a thigh harness, a harness you strap onto a chair, and even a face harness, which lets a dildo protrude from your mouth or forehead (in a _69_ position, you can penetrate your partner  vaginally while performing cunnilingus). You can even try a dildo harness that doubles as a chastity belt.

##  **Do You Want to Explore Gender Play?**

_My favorite is a Cyberskin dildo. He's almost 8 inches long and made of very realistic material, complete with balls that are actually two balls inside a scrotum. Unfortunately, he's not rigid enough to be used for serious fucking, but I love him just the same._

If you want a dildo you can wear as a cock, check out these models:

• _Want a realistic feel?_ Cyberskin now comes in several models—the basic realistic dildo, a vibrating version, and a stretchy sleeve you can pull over any dildo or cylindrical vibe.

• _Want a realistic look?_ Realistic dildos feature detailed glans, veins, and balls. You can emulate Jeff Stryker with a dildo modeled after the porn star himself. Or try the Johnny—7½ inches long and almost 2 inches in diameter. Why would a lesbian buy a dildo with balls? Aside from the realistic look and feel, the balls provide extra stimulation for the receptive partner—when thrusting in a rear-entry position, they slap against her vulva.

• _Do you pack?_ You'll find packing dildos to create a realistic bulge in your pants in silicone and Cyberskin. Some are intended for penetration as well. Many Cyberskin dildos bend easily enough to tuck into your briefs. You'll find a variety of dildos made from soft "fleshy" material—comfortable enough to wear under clothing, plus you won't look like you've got a baseball bat in your pants. Aslan Leather sells what might be the most realistic soft cock you'll ever find. Mr. Right is made from silicone with detailed balls and lifelike shaft and head. They also sell a packing strap (fits up to 50-inch hip size) to go with it.

Packing somehow completes me. It makes me feel real.

##  **Do You Want to Explore BDSM?**

You'll find discussion of a number of BDSM toys and devices in chapter 15, Play Nice! (…or Else). Make sure your toys are well made and come from reputable sources. Many makers of whips and other S/M toys are truly artisans; their passion for the erotic exchange of power translates into their products. Some of the mail-order and retail outlets listed in the resources section have fabulous websites with photos of toys (and gorgeous models). Others offer print catalogs. Blowfish, JT's Stockroom, Extreme Restraints, and Purple Passion, among others, carry a full line of bondage and S/M toys. Some websites offer helpful information on toy care and safety as well.

**_Sex and Disability: Toy Accessibility_**

"Toys are imperfect," write the authors of _The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability_ , "and the best approach to take is that you can make them your own, sometimes by the things you do with them, sometimes by the things you do to them." Here's their advice:

_Make your sex toys your own—_ be inventive in adapting and playing with your toys. If you want help adapting your toys, consult an occupational therapist. Although some occupational therapists may not share your sexual politics (and may even blush at your request to build up the handle on your vibrator), they do have the training and materials to help you make your sex toys more functional.

_Consider the weight, size, and shape of the toy._ If you can't hold a toy in your hand, try a vibrator that fits in a pouch, such as the Leather Butterfly. The straps fit around your waist and between your legs. You may also be able to use a larger electric vibrator by positioning yourself beside it. Be careful not to lie directly on top of a vibrator, as this will cut off the ventilation for the motor and can be dangerous. Use pillows to position yourself for play.

If you're able to hold a toy, but tire easily, choose something lightweight. Consider the fact that, all things considered, you may be distracted while holding the toy. Try a vibrator that you can fit on your hand or, like the Fukuoku, on your finger. The same company also makes the Five Finger Fantasy, which is a waterproof glove that has five tiny vibrators in the tips of the fingers. You can also slip an egg-shaped vibe inside a glove.The only thing more annoying than your batteries dying at exactly the wrong time is dropping the toy!

_Consider the material of the toy._ If you have allergies, environmental sensitivities, or a reduced immune system, stay away from products with heavy scents. Many people have allergies to latex. A lot of toys are made primarily of nonlatex rubber products. However, even "nonlatex" products may contain some latex. If you have a very sensitive latex allergy, stick with hard plastic or silicone toys.

_Consider the switch on an electric or battery-operated toy._ This is often the most aggravating part of buying toys. Manufacturers tend not to think about accessibility, and it shows in their switches. Some toys are easy to turn on and off, and others are not. If you find a toy you love with a difficult switch, you may be able to find someone to rig an accessible switch.

_Choose a toy with a long reach,_ such as the Flex-O-Pleaser or an extra-long dildo.

_Vibrating cock rings_ fit snugly on the fingers. The jelly rubber rings are especially nice; the rubber extension provides a little extra support as you press the vibrator against your body.

_Thigh Harness and Night Rider:_ The Thigh Harness is particularly good for people with lower back problems who find their back gives out before they do. The Night Rider, which straps onto furniture, is an incredibly versatile harness and comes with some ten feet of extra cord.

_Know the quality_ of the toy you are buying. Sex toys do have different quality levels, and if you know you're likely going to drop your toy a lot or be rough with it, be aware that some may break more easily than others. Better-quality sex stores, like those listed in the resources, will give you honest answers about the durability of the toy you are interested in.

The folks at Come As You Are in Toronto are dedicated to making sex accessible to everyone—including people with disabilities. Their website is packed with specific information on making sex toys accessible for disabled customers.

To learn more, see _The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness,_ by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette.

##  **Need some new furniture?**

Hold that position—without straining your neck, back, or wrists. Liberator sells sturdy foam-core wedges, ramps, cubes, and other shapes designed to make it easier to have sex in a variety of positions.

Gay men have always known what a difference a sling makes. Lesbians who frequent dungeon parties find out how much easier it is to get fisted—vaginally or anally—with a sling supporting your muscles. Strap-on sex is easier, too, when you can position your partner at a height that spares your lower back. You can find leather slings, complete with stirrups, at JT's Stockroom, Extreme Restraints, and Mr. S. You supply the chains and eyebolts and ceiling to hang it from. You can also purchase a sling stand if you want to spare your ceiling.

Madame S, JT's, and others sell a line of well-constructed bondage beds. Forged from reinforced steel, with strategically placed restraint points, these beds are for seriously rough play. Full, queen, king. Extreme Restraints sells a folding bondage bed which looks suspiciously like a massage table with cuffs and straps. Hmmm. That gives me an idea….

##  **Do You Want to Explore New Fantasies?**

Porn! Whether you rent an explicit video, read a collection of erotic fiction, or surf erotica websites, you'll find that porn can fuel your imagination. What do lesbians look for in video porn? Tastes vary: Hard core. Soft core. Tranny porn. Trannyfag porn. Girl-girl. Girl-boy. Boy-boy. Some lesbians prefer gay male porn for its raw depictions of sexuality.

Whether looking for images of tenderness and romance or down-and-dirty back-alley sex, lesbians want authenticity. Having viewed a glut of mainstream porn featuring heterosexual-appearing actresses and unreal sex, lesbians want to see "authentic pleasure and chemistry between the performers," as one Good Vibrations saleswoman wrote.12 (See chapter 2, Desire and Fantasy, for more on lesbian porn. You'll find a selection of lesbian porn titles in the bibliography.)

#  **Got Your Lube?**

_I love Probe Thin and Silky because it dries quickly without being sticky. It also doesn't taste bad and feels soooo slick when rubbed on me._

Lube is the most essential item in your toy bag. Not only will lubricant make sex more pleasurable, it will keep you from getting raw during vaginal penetration. For anal penetration, lube is a must—the rectum is not self-lubricating, and the friction of a finger or dildo thrusting in and out could tear the delicate tissue.

Everyone has an opinion about lube. While one woman loves Probe, another will swear by ID Liquid, or Astroglide, or Wet. How do you find out which lube you might like? If your local pharmacy stocks only one brand of lube and the nearest sex toy store is 200 miles away, order a sampler pack from one of the retail  or mail-order outlets listed in the resources. You'll get a variety of little plastic "pillows" containing just enough lube for one use (sufficient for clitoral stimulation, but certainly not enough for fisting). When you decide which brand of lube you prefer, you can order more economical sizes. These individual-sized packets are great for travel and for group sex—you won't end up with many sticky fingers handling the same bottle. (Shared lube containers, like shared sex toys, can lead to transmission of many STDs.)

Most lube manufacturers offer a full line of water-based lubes, including a silky, light lube for clitoral play or vaginal penetration, and a thick, viscous lube for anal penetration and vaginal fisting. Here are some questions to think about when choosing lube:

• _Will you engage in clitoral play?_ Try a thin, light lube such as ID Liquid, Probe Silky Light, Astroglide, Liquid Silk, or Eros Bodyglide.

• _Will you engage in vaginal penetration?_ Some women prefer a light lube for penetration, others a more viscous lube, like Slippery Stuff, Maximus, and Probe.

• _Will you engage in vaginal fisting?_ Buy the pump bottle! You may want to try a thicker lube, like Probe Thick and Rich.

• _Will you engage in anal penetration?_ Try ForPlay, Maximus, Probe Classic, or Slippery Stuff for a thicker water-based lube. Some women use oil-based lube, such as Crisco or Elbow Grease, for anal play; be careful, though, that the lube doesn't drip into the vagina. Oil deteriorates latex; you'll have to change your latex glove every 15 minutes. If you use an oil-based lube with a latex condom-covered toy, plan to disinfect the toy. The oil in the lube will have destroyed the latex.

• _Will you engage in oral sex?_ If you anticipate oral contact as well as penetration, choose a lube that's tasteless, such as ID or Probe, or intended for oral play—such as the flavored lubes from Wet or ForPlay. Avoid lubes containing nonoxynol-9, which will numb your tongue and lips.

• _Will you be using latex?_ Any water-based or silicone lube will be compatible with your latex gloves and condoms. Avoid oil-based lubes (see above).

• _Will you be using silicone toys?_ Don't use silicone lube with silicone dildos. The silicone in the lube will degrade your silicone toy.

• _Do you get yeast infections?_ Choose a glycerin-free lube such as Liquid Silk, or its thicker counterpart, Maximus.

• _Do you want a lube that will last and last?_ Silicone lubes such as Eros Bodyglide and Wet Platinum won't dry up or get sticky.

• _Are you sensitive to chemicals?_ Avoid lubes containing nonoxynol-9, a detergent added to lubricants as a spermicide.

#  **Got Your Safer-Sex Supplies?**

Stock your toy bag with these basic safer-sex supplies:

• Latex, vinyl, or nitrile gloves for penetrative sex.

• Finger cots, which are like little finger-sized condoms. You may have noticed that I've said nothing about finger cots in this book. Since a caress of a fingertip often leads to more—a second finger, the palm of the hand—I find that finger cots have limited use and recommend gloves instead.

• Condoms to cover dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators.

• Dental dams, Lollyes, or plastic wrap for cunnilingus and rimming.

• Hibiclens, antibacterial hand soap, or a toy cleaner such as ForPlay Adult Toy Cleanser to clean dildos, vibrator attachments, lube bottles, and other toys after use. Wash your hands with antibacterial soap.

• Alcohol wipes to clean handles of vibrators and other toys, as well as for use in play piercing and other activities where blood may be present.

• A simple BDSM first-aid kit, including antiseptic ointment, bandages, adhesive tape, and scissors.

#  **Does Latex Make You Itch?**

If you notice a rash after wearing a latex glove, you may be developing a sensitivity to latex. Some women are so allergic to latex that they develop hives, become nauseated, or have trouble breathing when they come into contact with latex products.

Who's at risk for latex allergies? People who come into frequent or continual contact with latex. Health-care workers are especially at risk. Not only do they snap gloves on and off all day long, their work environment is permeated by the fumes given off by latex products. Add safer-sex practices to that scenario and you can see why licking a latex Lollye could be a nightmare for a latex-sensitive woman.

The only solution to latex sensitivity is to avoid latex as much as possible. Here are some alternatives:

• Nitrile gloves contain no latex, and they're thinner than most latex gloves. They can be used with water-based, oil-based, and silicone lubricants. They're more expensive than latex, however. Vinyl gloves are also an alternative to latex.

• Plastic wrap is a cheap alternative to latex dams.

• Polyurethane condoms by Avanti are an alternative to latex condoms. They're thinner and larger than latex condoms and can be used with water-based, oil-based, and silicone lubricants. However, they are much more expensive than latex condoms. _Do not_ use lambskin condoms for safer sex; they won't prevent transmission of viruses such as HIV.

Latex-free safer-sex supplies are available from a number of suppliers, as well as sex toy stores listed in the resources.

#  **How's Your Budget?**

If you want to have fun on a budget, try some of these suggestions:

• Buy latex gloves by the box. Most large pharmacies have a house brand.

• Get your condoms for free at gay bars and events sponsored by AIDS prevention organizations. Safeguarding your health is as important as safeguarding anyone else's.

• Use plastic wrap, cut-up gloves, or condoms for dental dams.

• Keep a spray bottle of water by your bed. Rather than continually adding more water-based lube, spray a little water on your glove or dildo to reactivate the lube.

• If you like silicone or glycerin-free lubes, look for the cheaper brands. Eros Bodyglide and Liquid Silk are so popular as to have spawned less-expensive imitations.

• Buy cheap rubber dildos and butt plugs—they cost half as much as their silicone counterparts. You can hide their less-than-pleasing look and texture under a condom.

• Nylon harnesses cost less than leather and will do the job quite well.

• Some BDSM toy vendors cater to customers who want to stock their play rooms inexpensively. Certain toys, such as canes and crops, lend themselves to economizing, while others don't—cheap whips are just that: cheap. Use your imagination—a wooden spoon makes a great paddle; a chair works well as a bondage station.

#  **How to Care for Your Toys**

Clean your toys with warm water and soap—preferably antibacterial soap, Hibiclens, or a toy cleaner such as ForPlay Adult Toy Cleanser. Never submerge electric or battery-operated toys in water.

Silicone can be cleaned by boiling for two to three minutes. You can also clean silicone dildos in your dishwasher. Keep silicone lubricants away from silicone toys.

Rubber dildos are more porous than silicone and will absorb dirt. Always use condoms with rubber dildos, and clean them thoroughly with soap and water after each use.

Cyberskin is a challenge to keep clean—the easiest solution is to use condoms with Cyberskin dildos. The skinlike surface attracts dirt. Cyberskin toys can't be cleaned by boiling, so use soap and water, dry thoroughly, and dust with corn starch. ( _Do not_ use baby powder or talc, which have been linked to cervical cancer.)

Nylon harnesses can be washed in the sink—or you can toss them into the washing machine. Hang to dry.

Clean leather harnesses with soap and water and hang dry. To disinfect, wipe with a cloth soaked in 70 percent isopropyl alcohol and then wipe clean with soap and water. After cleaning, use a leather conditioner to prevent the leather from drying out (never hang in the sun).

To clean a leather flogger, wipe each tail individually with a damp cloth soaked in either soap and water or leather cleaner, such as Lexol. To disinfect, wipe with a cloth soaked in 70 percent isopropyl alcohol and then wipe clean with soap and water. Don't store leather until it's completely dry, to avoid mold. Use a leather conditioner to prevent the leather from drying out.

#  **Suggested Web Links**

COME AS YOU ARE

www.comeasyouare.com

GOOD VIBRATIONS

www.goodvibes.com

TOYS IN BABELAND

www.babeland.com

SOURCE OF SIDEBAR

"Toy Accessibility" is adapted from _The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness_ , by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette, and the Come As You Are website, www.comeasyouare.com.


Input: Could not generate response.

Response:
_**chapter eighteen**_

**Safer Sex and Gynecological Health**

I have herpes. I'm very up-front about it.

DO YOU THINK THAT IF YOU'RE NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE with men, you're not at risk for STDs? If so, you're not alone. Many lesbians think that living an exclusively "lesbian lifestyle" immunizes them against sexually transmitted conditions—and, for that matter, most gynecological concerns. Not so!

Unfortunately, when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, some health-care practitioners think the same thing. Knowing very little about lesbian sexual practices, they make assumptions—that lesbians don't have penetrative sex, or anal sex, or that lesbians don't have sex at all.

More troubling, those who research STD transmission may not know much about lesbian sex either. They may use terms like _oral sex_ and _vaginal intercourse_ in safer-sex guidelines without defining them. Does oral sex refer to cunnilingus? Or just fellatio? Does penetration with a dildo count as intercourse? How do you know what's safe?

Relatively few clinical studies have been conducted of woman-to-woman transmission of STDs. Can chlamydia be transmitted by sharing a dildo with an infected partner? Can you give your partner herpes or trichomoniasis through frottage? Can you get HIV by going down on a menstruating woman who has the virus? What about hepatitis? A cautious physician will tell you that, yes, all of  these scenarios are quite possible—but that not enough studies have been done to offer conclusive answers.

Since women who have sex with women are often left out of health research, our health-care needs are neglected. Jeanne Marrazzo, of the Lesbian-Bisexual Women's Health Study at the University of Washington, says that because "lesbians do not fit the very narrowly and poorly defined risk profile, they are being told that as lesbian/bisexual women they do not need Pap smears or STD screenings."1

None of which inspires confidence when you're sitting on the examination table in a paper gown and your health-care practitioner cheerfully asks whether you're sexually "active" and what kind of birth control you use. No wonder few of us feel comfortable speaking candidly about our sexual histories and practices.

But if medical research skirts the issue of woman-to-woman transmission of STDs, and if you don't feel comfortable coming out to a physician, how will your gynecologist know what to look for?

#  **Talking to Your Doctor About Sex**

As Tristan Taormino says, "Your gynecological visit is no time to play 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' If they don't ask, it's your responsibility to tell."2 It's important for your health that you come out to your health caregiver. Find a physician you feel comfortable with. Look for someone you think you can talk to. Even a lesbian gynecologist can't guess what you do in bed.

You can't rely on your health-care practitioner to make you feel comfortable talking about sex. Physicians trained in the United States receive less instruction in human sexuality than volunteers at some sex-information hotlines. Your doctor may be even less comfortable than you discussing the details of your sex life—especially if your physician sees few other lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered patients.

Charles Moser, author of _Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers,_ recommends that you come out to your physician during your first visit—if not sooner. Don't wait until you suspect you have an STD. What should you tell your health-care practitioner about your sex life? Here are some of the points Moser suggests you cover:

• The sexual activities you typically engage in—such as oral sex, vaginal or anal penetration with fingers or a dildo, or fisting.

• The safer-sex precautions you employ.

• The number of partners with whom you have sexual contact.

• Whether you engage in activities that might involve bruising or breaking the skin (such as caning or play piercing).

• The family structures or relationships you wish to have taken into account for hospital visitation or decisions regarding your care.3

Finally, if you don't feel comfortable following Moser's recommendations, some health advocates suggest you simply say that you are sexually active and want to be tested for the full spectrum of STDs.

#  **Gynecological Care**

All sexually active females should get annual gynecological exams, including Pap smear, pelvic exam, and breast exam. Whether you have sex with one partner or many, with women only or with both women and men, you need regular gynecological care. Regardless of your gender identity—stone butches (and many FTMs)4 require gynecological care, too.

If you engage in unprotected sexual activities, ask to be screened for STDs. If you engage in anal sex, ask for a rectal exam—some STDs can infect you rectally as well as genitally. As you'll see below, STDs often occur without any symptoms—or with symptoms you could easily mistake for the flu. A Pap smear, blood test, or culture may be the only way you know you've been exposed to an STD.

If you're diagnosed with an STD or have had an abnormal Pap smear, your physician will recommend treatment. It's important that you follow up on recommended procedures and return visits. Your annual Pap smear can prevent cervical cancer _only_ if you treat any dysplasia or other conditions revealed by the test.

Consult a gynecologist if you experience pain during penetrative sex or if you experience spotting after deep thrusting with a dildo, fingers, or fist. You may have a small tear or abrasion on your cervix.

If you notice a rash or sore on your genitals or anus, unusual discharge, or irregular bleeding, or if you experience genital itching or irritation, painful urination, abdominal or pelvic pain, nausea, fatigue, or fever, consult a physician. Don't ignore these symptoms.

#  **STDs and Gynecological Concerns**

Many gynecological problems can be cleared up easily. Left untreated, they can lead to very serious health problems. Bacterial STDs can be treated with antibiotics. Viral STDs can't be "cured"—but there are medications to alleviate out-breaks, as with herpes, as well as new treatment protocols for HIV that have been effective for many people.

**_Butches and Gynecological Care_**

Many butches feel profoundly uncomfortable in the pastel pink-and-blue world of the ob-gyn's office. The presumptions of mainstream health-care providers about female bodies and gender are painful to bear. Even "feminist" and "lesbian-friendly" health-care providers may not necessarily be sensitive to the needs of butches.

For a butch who does not engage in receptive vaginal penetration, putting your feet in the stirrups can be hell. For many butches who don't identify as women, _per se_ —stone butches, transgendered butches, butches who view "butch" as a third gender—a gynecological exam is an experience of dysphoria.

Numerous butches have a simple solution to the problem: they don't go. They don't receive regular Pap screenings, mammograms, or well-woman exams.They don't see a gynecologist unless something's wrong.And since many STDs are asymptomatic—well, you get the picture.

FTMs aren't exempt either. "For the FTM specifically, dealing with the female reproductive organs can be a nightmare. Most of us do not have regular Pap smears.The procedure is invasive. And again, finding a gynecologist who is sympathetic is difficult." 5 FTMs need access to appropriate gynecological health care. Some health-care providers serving the transgendered community advocate pelvic exams after age 40 for "people assigned a female sex at birth."6 Others say health maintenance routines should be determined by the organs present. "Health maintenance for transgender patients should be based on age, family and personal health risk factors, and the organ systems present. Physical exams should be structured based on the organs present rather than the perceived gender of the patient…. If the uterus and cervix are present, pelvic exams and Pap smears need to be done on a regular basis."7

Wherever we fall on the gender spectrum—from butch to transgendered—we need health care. What can we do?

• Use local and regional email lists and discussion boards to find referrals. Some national organizations and websites also offer local referrals. (See the resources section.)

• Educate your doctor. Butch-femme.net posts an informational brochure for gynecologists and other health-care professionals, "Female = Woman, Right? Not Always …"9

• Is there a butch-friendly physician in your area? Spread the word. Even a single queer staff person in a medical practice can be a support.

• Tell your health-care provider how you wish to be addressed. Likewise, health-care providers can ask patients if they prefer "he" or "she."

• Tell your health-care provider what you do sexually, with whom, and whether or not you use latex barriers.

• Take a friend or partner with you to your exam. Tell the office staff that she (or he) will be accompanying you for the exam.

• If you are partnered, you may feel more comfortable getting your health care in the same office as your partner. You can support each other.

• Take care of yourself. Learn about gynecological health, do breast self-exams, get tested for STDs, and practice safer sex.

"Latex provides protection on whatever surface it is covering," according to the researchers on LesbianSTD.com.8 Use of latex or polyurethane barriers on insertive sex toys such as dildos and vibrators prevents transmission of bacterial STDs like chlamydia and gonorrhea. Use of plastic wrap or latex or nitrile gloves on skin prevents transmission of viruses like herpes and HPV. Plastic wrap is considered a better barrier for oral sex than conventional dental dams, which are too small. Of course, if you do have sex with men (penis-vagina, penis-anus, or fellatio), use a condom. (See chapter 5, The Road to Heaven Leads to You, for a complete list of safer-sex guidelines.)

Here are some STDs and other gynecological conditions you should know about:

##  **Allergies and Chemical Sensitivity**

While allergies aren't sexually transmitted conditions, they certainly will affect your sex life. The vaginal discharge, itching, and irritation they cause may lead you to mistake allergic vaginosis for a yeast infection—or even new-onset genital herpes. You may be sensitive to latex, the powder used on latex gloves, glycerin in a particular brand of lubricant, spermicides or microbicides like nonoxynol-9, or other products. The best treatment is to discontinue use of the irritant. (See chapter 17, Sex Toys and Accoutrements, for information on lubricants, latex allergies, and alternative safer-sex supplies.)

Nonoxynol-9 is a detergent that's added to some lubricants (including some lubricated condoms) to kill the HIV virus. Many women find nonoxynol-9 irritating to the mucous membranes of the vagina and rectum. There has been much debate regarding the use of nonoxynol-9. While some sex educators still recommend nonoxynol-9 for use with condoms during penis-to-vagina and penis-to-anus penetration as added insurance against HIV transmission, most do not. They argue that the irritations caused by nonoxynol-9 outweigh the benefits. Especially regarding anal sex, they recommend that you _not_ use nonoxynol-9. 10 Irritating the delicate rectal tissue, they argue, can encourage HIV transmission by providing the virus with an accessible route to the bloodstream. As of June 2001, the CDC recommended that nonoxynol-9 _not_ be used as a microbicide or lubricant during anal intercourse.11

**_LesbianSTD.com_**

When I first logged onto LesbianSTD.com, I wanted to leap out of my chair. Finally, a website addressing _our_ safer-sex concerns. Here are some things I learned:

• Human papillomavirus (HPV), one of the most common STDs, can cause genital warts and abnormal Pap smears, and in some women can lead to cervical cancer.

• HPV can be transmitted from one woman to another.

• Bacterial vaginosis (BV) is strongly associated with preterm labor and low birth weight.

• BV is often diagnosed in both partners in lesbian couples.

• Both HPV and BV have been seen in many lesbian and bisexual women, even those with no prior sexual history with men.

• Medical literature contains case reports of woman-to-woman transmission of HIV. The most likely sources of transmission are menstrual blood, vaginal discharge when there is vaginitis (because more white blood cells containing HIV may be present then), and traumatic sex practices.

##  **Bacterial Vaginosis**

This condition may be transmitted sexually between women with such frequency that one researcher calls BV an "STD among lesbians."12 One study of lesbian health reported an 80 percent concurrence rate for bacterial vaginosis among monogamous lesbian couples.13 Yet, it has not been medically proven that bacterial vaginosis, caused by an imbalance of bacteria normally found in the vagina, is, in fact, sexually transmitted at all.14 Still, partners should be evaluated. If you notice a yellowish vaginal discharge, vaginal itching or irritation, or a strong odor, you may have a vaginal infection. Bacterial vaginosis is treated with antibiotics. Use only water-based lubricants in the vagina; oil-based lubes are difficult to wash out. Do not allow anal bacteria entry into the vagina. Change gloves when you move from anal to vaginal penetration—or wash your hands with an antibacterial soap. Use condoms on shared sex toys. Change condoms when you change activities or partners.

##  **Chlamydia and Gonorrhea**

According to the Lesbian-Bisexual Women's Health Study, woman-to-woman transmission of chlamydia and gonorrhea "seems to be rare," though such transmission is possible.15 Why don't we know how frequently women transmit chlamydia and gonorrhea to each other? Jeanne Marrazzo thinks this is a problem of surveillance and reporting. Both chlamydia and gonorrhea infect the cervix and can be transmitted through penetrative sex. Researchers, she says, assume  that lesbians don't have penetrative sex. (Interestingly, of the 149 women in Marrazzo's study of HPV in women who have sex with women, 147 had penetrative vaginal sex with women in the year prior to the study.)16

In fact, Marrazzo believes that chlamydia and gonorrhea can be transmitted by dildos and hands. According to her, a shared dildo can carry chlamydia and gonorrhea from cervix to cervix, as can an unwashed hand. If you engage in fisting and then touch yourself, you could acquire chlamydia or gonorrhea.17 Wash your hands with bacterial soap when changing partners or sexual activities—and before you touch yourself.18 Use condoms or gloves on shared sex toys, and use gloves on your hands.

With 3 million new infections each year in the United States alone, some health educators call chlamydia the "silent epidemic" because it's so frequently asymptomatic. In fact, most women with chlamydia have no symptoms. Others may notice a yellowish vaginal discharge, painful urination, abdominal pain, or irregular bleeding. Untreated, chlamydia can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), a cause of infertility. Chlamydia is caused by _Chlamydia trachomatis_ bacteria and is treated with antibiotics.

Symptoms of gonorrhea are similar to chlamydia—vaginal discharge, irregular bleeding, and PID symptoms. As with chlamydia, it's possible to have gonorrhea without symptoms. Gonorrhea is caused by _Neisseria gonorrheae_ bacteria and is treated with antibiotics.

##  **Hepatitis**

Hepatitis is an inflammation of the liver most commonly caused by three virus strains: hepatitis A virus (HAV), hepatitis B virus (HBV), and hepatitis C virus (HCV). Symptoms include fatigue, depression, nausea, loss of appetite, fever, chills, stomach pain, body aches, diarrhea, weight loss, headaches, and jaundice. Some people carry the hepatitis virus without having any symptoms at all. Hepatitis is diagnosed through a blood test. For many people, hepatitis is a lifelong chronic illness. If you have hepatitis B or C, don't share toothbrushes, razors, or piercing/cutting instruments, and don't expose partners to your menstrual blood.

_Hepatitis A (HAV)._ You can transmit or acquire hepatitis A through unprotected rimming—regardless of the gender of your partners. If you engage in unprotected rimming, consider getting a vaccination for hepatitis A and use a latex barrier or plastic wrap for rimming.

_Hepatitis B (HBV)._ You can transmit or acquire hepatitis B through cunnilingus, especially during menstruation. Hepatitis B is more likely to be transmitted through sharing needles for IV drug use, tattooing or piercing, and accidental needle sticks. If you engage in unprotected cunnilingus with menstruating partners, or if you engage in _any_ activities where blood contact is possible, consider getting a vaccination for hepatitis B. Use a latex barrier or plastic wrap for cunnilingus.

_Hepatitis C (HCV)._ It's estimated that almost 4 million people in the United States are infected with hepatitis C 19—and perhaps as many as 200 million worldwide.20 In most cases, hepatitis C is asymptomatic for years, even decades, before progressing to chronic liver disease. Many people who are infected with hepatitis C don't know they have it. Clearly, hepatitis C is epidemic.

The risk of sexual transmission of hepatitis C hasn't been determined, though the risk is probably higher if you engage in S/M blood play or come into contact with blood during sex. Hepatitis C _may_ be transmitted through woman-to-woman sex involving cunnilingus during menstruation. Hepatitis C is most often transmitted through sharing needles for IV drug use, tattooing or piercing, and accidental needle sticks. Use dental dams or other barriers to prevent transmission during cunnilingus. There's no vaccination for hepatitis C.

##  **Herpes**

An estimated 150 million people in the United States have been exposed to the herpes-2 virus.21 And one in five adults in the U.S. has genital herpes; an estimated 90 percent don't know they have it.22 Herpes is a chronic, viral STD that's extremely contagious:

• Many believe that the virus can be spread only during an outbreak—which is not true. The herpes virus may be shedding even when there are no visible symptoms.

• Herpes can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, including frottage (without clothing), hand-to-vulva, and hand-to-anus contact.

• Herpes sores can break out not only _on_ the genitals but in the area _surrounding_ the genitals. Condoms and dental dams may not cover a large enough area to prevent transmission during outbreaks.

• Herpes can be transmitted from one mucosal membrane to another—from mouth to vulva and from vulva to mouth. As the receptive partner in cunnilingus, you can get genital herpes from a partner who has oral herpes. As the partner performing cunnilingus, you can get oral herpes from a partner who has genital herpes. Oral herpes can be transmitted from mouth to mouth.

Herpes is caused by one of two viruses: _Herpes simplex type 1_ (HSV-1), which is oral herpes; or _Herpes simplex type 2_ (HSV-2), which is genital herpes. Prior to a herpes outbreak, you may experience flulike symptoms or itching and tingling in the affected area. You may develop a very painful, raw herpes blister in the affected area. Outbreaks can be brought on by stress or a compromised immune system. Health-care providers diagnose genital herpes by visual inspection and by testing a tissue sample from the sore. While there's no cure for herpes, there are medications that can help prevent or alleviate outbreaks. Use gloves on hands for finger-fucking and fisting, and plastic wrap for oral sex. Cover sex toys with a condom or glove. Change condoms and gloves between partners.

Talking about sex histories and negotiating safer sex has improved my sex life, because I feel closer to my partner—and we also talk about what turns us on.

##  **HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)**

HIV is transmitted when semen, blood, vaginal fluids, or breast milk of an infected person enter the bloodstream. Small lacerations or abrasions in the mouth, anus, vagina, or skin can provide a route for transmission of the HIV virus. Sores from herpes or other STDs can also provide a way for the HIV virus to enter the bloodstream, which is why having certain STDs can increase your risk for HIV.

Since HIV is present in both blood and vaginal secretions, it's possible to transmit HIV through unprotected cunnilingus, particularly when the receptive partner is menstruating and the other has bleeding gums or sores in her mouth. It is assumed that HIV-positive women who have sex with women acquire HIV through IV drug use, sperm donor insemination, or sex with men.

Understanding the potential for woman-to-woman transmission is complicated by the fact that models for reporting incidents of HIV infection don't account for lesbian sex. An HIV-positive lesbian or bisexual woman with other risk behaviors (for example, unprotected anal intercourse with men, injection drug use, needle use for piercing and tattooing, or use of unscreened semen for insemination) won't be "counted" as a case of woman-to-woman transmission.

However, now there is proof of lesbian transmission. According to _POZ_ magazine, a researcher found a genetic match between the HIV virus in a newly diagnosed woman and that of her HIV-positive partner. How did transmission occur? The woman had tested negative six months prior to the positive result. For the previous two years she had had only one sexual contact—her HIV-POSITIVE partner. She had no history of IV drug use or sex with men. She had never received a transfusion. She had no piercings or tattoos. She did not share razors or toothbrushes with her partner. They did not have sex during menstruation. Her partner used protection with only her male partners, "as instructed by her physician."23

Ruling out other possibilities, the researcher, Dr. Helena Kwakwa, whose study was reported in _Clinical Infectious Diseases,_ determined that transmission occurred via blood on shared sex toys. Not menstrual blood—but blood from  hard play. Apparently, the HIV-positive partner had not been told to use condoms with sex toys. While the risk for transmission between women is low, "it's there." Kwakwa reported that she saw women "who would not be coming in with HIV if they'd had the proper information and recognition of risk."24

Most people infected with HIV have no symptoms, since the virus can lie dormant for months and can take years to produce symptoms of AIDS. Symptoms of HIV in women resemble those of a number of other STDs, such as recurrent or difficult-to-treat yeast infections or PID. Use gloves on hands for finger-fucking and fisting, and plastic wrap for oral sex. Cover sex toys with a condom or glove. Don't share needles, razors, or piercing/cutting instruments, and don't expose partners to your menstrual blood.

##  **HPV (Human Papillomavirus)**

HPV is the virus commonly associated with genital and anal warts and with cervical cancer. More recently, it's been established that virtually _all_ cervical cancers (99 percent) are caused by HPV, though only a few of the many strains of HPV are thought to cause cervical cancer.25

Woman-to-woman transmission of HPV seems certain, even among women who have never had sex with men.26 HPV is so prevalent in the United States as to be ubiquitous, some health educators say.27

Like herpes, HPV can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact when the virus is shedding—which may or may not be accompanied by the appearance of warts on the genitals or anus.

_I came out to my partner about being HIV+ and having HPV on our first date. That was one intense date, let me tell you! We also talked about the kind of sex we like, and we had a very hot night of sex after our long personal discussion._

HPV can be transmitted through frottage (without clothing), hand-to-vulva, and hand-to-anus contact. You can acquire HPV by touching the affected area of a partner with your hand and then touching your own genital area without washing your hands.

You might discover you've been infected with HPV when warts appear on your genitals or anus. More likely, HPV is discovered through a routine Pap smear. Treatment may involve removing external genital and anal warts and treating cervical abnormalities through colposcopy, biopsy, and other procedures. HPV is infectious even after the warts are removed or cervical dysplasia disappears. There's no cure for HPV, though progression to cervical cancer can be prevented by regular gynecological screening and follow-up. Use gloves on hands for finger-fucking and fisting, and plastic wrap for oral sex. Cover sex toys with a condom or glove. Change condoms and gloves between partners.

##  **Syphilis**

Syphilis is rarely transmitted through woman-to-woman sex—though it's been documented to occur as a result of sex between women, according to Marrazzo. She adds: "Because rates of syphilis, a previously uncommon disease, have been skyrocketing among gay men, women who are involved in sexual networks that may also involve bisexual/gay men may be at increasing risk of exposure to this disease."28 Syphilis initially appears as a single sore or chancre. It is caused by _Treponema pallidum_ bacteria and is treated with penicillin. Refrain from unprotected sex until the infection has been treated.

##  **Trichomoniasis**

This condition can be transmitted through woman-to-woman sex, via contact with vaginal secretions.29 You can acquire trichomoniasis by touching the affected area of a partner with your hand and then touching your own genital area. Partners of an infected woman should be checked for trichomoniasis. "Trich" can lie dormant for months or years. As with bacterial vaginosis, symptoms include vaginal discharge, burning, irritation, painful urination, and strong vaginal odor. Trichomoniasis is caused by _Trichomonas vaginalis_ protozoa and is  treated with antibiotics. Use gloves on hands for finger-fucking and fisting, and plastic wrap for oral sex. Cover sex toys with a condom or glove. Change condoms and gloves between partners.

##  **Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs)**

While not sexually transmitted, _per se_ , urinary tract infections deserve mention because women often get UTIs when bacteria are forced into the urethra during vaginal penetration. Often, women who have penetrative sex after a long hiatus get UTIs—hence the nickname "honeymoon disease." You'll know you have a UTI when you feel a persistent, painful need to urinate—even when your bladder is empty. If you suspect you have a UTI, see a physician immediately to prevent a more serious infection. You can help prevent UTIs by drinking a minimum of eight glasses of water a day and urinating before and after penetrative sex.

##  **Yeast Infections**

According to the Lesbian-Bisexual Women's Health Study, it's unknown whether yeast infections can be transmitted sexually from woman to woman.30 They certainly are common. Yeast infections are caused by an imbalance in normal yeast found in the vagina. It is thought that the condition can be aggravated by high sugar intake—and some woman are finding that this includes exposure to lubricants containing glycerin—by stress, or by moisture from wearing wet clothing. Symptoms include a white, clumpy vaginal discharge, and itching and burning in the vagina. Yeast infections are treated with antifungal medication. Recurrent or difficult-to-treat yeast infections may be symptomatic of diabetes, HIV, or herpes.

#  **What If Your Partner Won't Use Barriers?**

You have a right to employ safer-sex techniques—regardless of whether your partner believes STDs can or can't be transmitted through woman-to-woman sex.

**_Safer Sex Is More Than Latex_**

The women of the Northwest Network of Bisexual,Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse are quick to point out that safer sex requires more than latex—your emotional and physical safety needs must be met as well. How do you determine whether a sexual relationship is abusive? Here are some questions to ponder:

• Do you ever have sex to "keep the peace"? Or because you were tired of resisting?

• Has your partner forced you to have sex against your will?

• Has your partner refused to practice safer sex, or refused to discuss safer sex?

• Does your partner make fun of your sexuality?

• Does your partner expect you to report to her about masturbating? Does she tell you you shouldn't masturbate because it's "cheating"?

• Does your partner demand that you tell her your fantasies? Does she shame you because of your sexual desires or fantasies?

• Does your partner accuse you of having affairs? Does your partner threaten to have affairs when you both have agreed to be monogamous?

• Has your partner accused you of not being a "real" lesbian?

If you feel your relationship is abusive, get help. You can call your local (or regional) domestic violence or sexual assault hotline. Some hotlines are staffed by lesbian-friendly and transgender-friendly volunteers—after all, lesbians and bisexual women have volunteered countless hours for many local feminist antiviolence resources (and in some cases even founded them). However, be aware that not all domestic violence hotline volunteers will understand or even sympathize with the needs of lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered clients. Contact the Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse to find supportive resources in your area. (See the resources chapter.)

Discussing safer sex is part of sexual negotiation. As with other aspects of sexual communication, you have to know what you want to tell your partner. What are your safer-sex standards? Dams for rimming? Gloves for fisting? Tell your partner.

If a woman refuses to use a barrier for oral sex, or to wear gloves for penetration, or to put a condom on her dildo, or to use lube, you don't have to have sex with her. Many women out there would love to be sexual with you _and_ be respectful of your health concerns.

#  **What If You Have an STD?**

_Sometimes I feel dirty, like nobody would want me. And when my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with me, I immediately assume it's about my hepatitis, even though it's really about her, like she's told me a million times before. Even so, if I think about it too long I wind up beating myself up for having hep C._

In addition to gynecological care, make sure you get emotional support, too. Acquiring an STD can wreck havoc with your self-esteem. You may feel untouchable or ashamed. Because even progressive communities at times treat STDs as moral rather than health issues, you may be left feeling as if you have no right to a sex life at all. You deserve as much pleasure now as you ever did—but you do have a responsibility not to transmit the STD to your partners. Practicing safer sex will prevent you from acquiring a new sexually transmitted condition, too.

Here are some things to think about and do:

• _Get treated._ Don't attempt to self-diagnose and treat your STD.

• _Follow up_ on gynecological care.

• _Notify your recent sex partners,_ so that they can get tested, too.

• _Care for yourself_ as you would when facing any other illness. Avoid stress, eat well, get eight hours' sleep each night.

• _Don't beat yourself up._ Sexually transmitted diseases are caused by bacteria and viruses—not weak morals.

• _Take responsibility._ Don't pass the STD along to your partners. Follow recommended safer-sex guidelines.

• _Tell new partners about your STD._ They're responsible for their sexual health just as you are for yours. Your full disclosure enables your partners to make decisions regarding safer sex.

• In some communities, you can _find support groups_ for women with herpes and other chronic conditions. Or seek help from members of Internet support groups. It helps to have someone to talk to.

Remember: You're entitled to a fulfilling, healthy sex life. You're no less deserving of sexual pleasure because you've acquired an STD. _Play safe!_

#  **Suggested Web Links**

LESBIANSTD.COM

www.lesbianstd.com

SAFERSEX.ORG

www.safersex.org/women/lesbianss.html

SOURCE OF SIDEBARS:

"LesbianSTD.com" is excerpted with permission from www.lesbianstd.com.

"Safer Sex Is More Than Just Latex" is adapted, with permission, from a flyer of the Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse.