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Dinner was a bit awkward. The food was good, turns out Avyn was just a little better than Papa was at cooking, not that she'd ever tell Papa that, but most people were a bit preoccupied with all the unanswered questions in the air. Especially Madoka. She had a lot of questions to ask her parents. "The food is delicious," Ereshkigal said, one of the few people along with Ayuka who was actually eating with fervor. "Suitable for a Goddess." "You've improved in the kitchen greatly," Avyn said as he looked up at Papa. "I've had to take care of the family while Junko was at work. Madoka was a picky child when she was younger." "Sorry," Madoka apologized as she continued to pick at her own food. Eventually she couldn't even do that and put down her fork so she could look at her parents directly. "Papa, Mama. What am I?" Mama and Papa shared a look. "You're our daughter," Mama replied. "Not who," Madoka replied as she put her hand between her chest. "What am I? Am I... human." Or something else. Something that shouldn't even exist here. "Technically you're a Semi-Servant," Avyn replied. "I never expected to see one here, normally the World wouldn't allow the existence of such beings." "The World's influence here is weak," Papa replied. "I was worried at first, when Junko first became pregnant, but Madoka has never had any issues with existence." "Issues with my existence?" Madoka asked while she pointed. "Is there something wrong with me?" "A Semi-Servant is a miracle child of a human and Servant," Avyn informed her. "Despite being stronger and more magically inclined, on top of whatever abilities or even Noble Phantasms you could develop or receive from your bloodlines, you and your brother are still fully human. You don't have to consider yourself as anything but human and as long as the World's influence remains weak here you should be fine." "And if it doesn't?" Madoka asked. "What if it becomes active?" "Both you and your brother would die within days. There are ways to circumvent that beforehand, mainly by tying your existence to a ritual object or even to this city." "Like Erice?" Papa asked. "Madoka and Tatsuya wouldn't be able to leave the city in that case... but anyway it likely won't be necessary. I've been here for decades, and Gaia still hasn't done much to interfere." "How did you end up here?" Avyn asked him. "And in that state?" "Unlike you two I wasn't summoned," Papa's eyes became distant. "I was brought here and as a human no less. A human with all the memories of the Robin Hood's before me." Ayuka choked on her drink. "You're Robin Hood!?" she shouted after she had finished after she finished coughing. "Ain't he supposed to be English?" "Yes," Papa nodded. "Everyone of us were English, faceless heroes born from the prayers of the British people. It was a title passed on to those who assumed it, to those who wished to answer the pleas of the common folk. So, it was rather strange for me to wake up one day as a Japanese man and a human at that. My knowledge and skills still remain, but I was given none of the power or even the arsenal allotted to me from my legends." Papa was Robin Hood. The righteous thief? "Is that why I'm so good with a bow?" Madoka asked him. "And when did you have a chance to use a bow?" Papa asked. "Does it have something to do with that scar on your arm?" Madoka looked away shamelessly. "Sweetie... I don't blame you for doing what you did. You always wanted to help people... I'm just ashamed that it took until now for me to finally notice what was happening." "Even your senses are off?" Avyn asked. "I am completely human. I have no power and I can't even sense magic anymore. It's no excuse for me to not realize what was happening with my own daughter, even when I knew that something was going on." "Papa..." "Madoka," Papa turned to her. "Could you please show me your bow. I want to see it." Madoka nodded as Mama put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She held her hand out and summoned her bow. She let Papa take and hold it, having long since learned how to keep it manifested even outside of her hands. "It's beautiful," Papa said as he admired the wood and eventually cupped the pink flower at the top. It was still a bud, having yet to bloom as she hadn't used its power, but even then he seemed almost enraptured by it. "It really suits you. You're a wonderful girl." "Thank you," Madoka said as she blushed. Papa then handed the bow for Mama to look at. "Your father's right," Mama said as she admired the bow. "It really does match you. Beautiful, pure." She began to tug on the wood. "But strong and flexible where it needs to be." "Bow!" Tatsuya cheered happily from Mama's arm as his fingers touched the bow. "M-doka bow!" Having her family see it, accept that part of her, it made Madoka happy. It didn't matter that they knew something about this all along. In the end she could still rely on them. "You have a good family," Ayuka took a brief break to comment before going back to her food. Ren nodded in silence before looking back at Ereshkigal. Apparently, they could talk to each other telepathically, so Madoka was sure that whatever conversation they were having was nice. "Bow!" Tatsuya cheered again. Madoka dismissed her bow once she realized her brother was getting a bit too handsy with it. Not that she particularly minded him holding it, but it just wasn't a good idea to give a toddler a potentially dangerous weapon. Even one as cute as her brother was. "Bow," Tatsuya looked disappointed. It also made Madoka want to summon her bow again, just for him. "So how long are you planning on staying?" Papa asked Avyn. Madoka turned to watch the two of them as they spoke. "It'll take a week or so for Yuna to fully recover. Until then Ayuka and I can find another–" "Then you can stay here for a week," Papa replied curtly. "We have enough room and I know you can behave yourself in my house." He turned to Ren and Ereshkigal. "Will you be needing a place to stay too?" Ren shook her head. "No..." "Only a night or two. We only have this weekend before we have to go back to Kamihama," Ereshkigal explained. "We'll make sure to come back next week though, to check on all of you." "I wan, bow," Tatsuya whined. "Sorry sweetie," Mama apologized to him. "We'll get you your own bow later." "Myy bow?" Tatsuya tilted his head. "Yes, your bow," Mama said. "Bow." "What do you plan to do after Yuna recovers?" Papa asked. "Your home was destroyed wasn't it?" "So long as Oriko remains she'll always be a threat to us, especially with her foresight," Avyn replied. "We have no choice but to head to Kamihama and get rid of her if we are to ever return to some semblance of peace." "There's a war going on there, Emiya," Papa pushed up his glasses. "I don't need to be there to tell you that. If you go there again, I'm not too certain you'll ever get out." "We don't have a choice," Ayuka bit out, frustration clear on her face. "She's already been responsible for killing someone in my family, I'm not letting her do that again... I won't." "Well... I can certainly understand fighting impossible odds to protect those around you," Papa sighed. "Just be careful, if something happened my daughter would be sad." "I would," Madoka confirmed. "Please be careful out there... Actually could I–" "Tatsuya!" Mama suddenly shouted in panic. "Put down the crossbow!" Wait, what? Madoka turned around and saw that Tatsuya was holding a crossbow, one that just appeared in his hands. A real one. With a very sharp pointed bolt primed and ready to shoot. "Tatsuya!" Madoka shouted and moved only for Papa to reach him first. "Bow!" Tatsuya said happily as he raised the crossbow precariously into the air. "Tatsuya," Papa said carefully as he brought his hands closer. "Why don't you give me the crossbow?" "No!" Tatsuya huffed and carried his crossbow away from Papa's arms. The bolt was now dangerously pointed at his own head. "My! Bow!" "Tatsuy–" "I got this," Avyn said as he gently pushed Papa aside and held out his hand. In it, a toy crossbow appeared. This one colorful, soft, and loaded with a foam bolt. "Do you want this instead?" "Okay!" Tatsuya said cheerfully as he haphazardly tossed his crossbow aside to grab the toy. Mama barely caught the weapon before it disappeared in her arms. "Bow!" "Sometimes you need to give children what they want," Avyn said smugly as he looked at Papa. "They have no concept of right and wrong, just their own needs you need t–" Avyn was interrupted by a foam arrow that flew right into his mouth. "Bow!" "You sure taught me a lesson," Papa said smugly as everyone else laughed.
Ayuka laid restless on the futon that had been laid out for her. Her eyes staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, her ears primed to listen to the gentle breathing of Yuna on the bed next to her. Even if they couldn't share the same bed, there was no way that Ayuka wasn't going to be in the same room as her. Ayuka thought a lot about what had happened earlier today. How Yuna used her first spell to smash that Servant in the face. Only... it probably wasn't Yuna's first spell in the first place. Yuna had been practicing when Ayuka didn't notice, likely in her sleep. Avyn would've known, he always knew, but Ayuka couldn't exactly get mad at him for supporting her. In the end she could only blame herself. Blame herself for not supporting Yuna enough. Blame herself for how Yuna ended up. If she had been smarter. If she hadn't just dived in and let herself be captured by that Servant. She should've stayed away like Avyn had told her to. Even if he couldn't beat Oriko and her Servant, he could've probably gotten away. He had lots of tricks like that. She needed to be better. After years of training as a Magus, training with Avyn, it was only now that she felt so incredibly incompetent. She realized that she was the one holding him and Yuna back. Ayuka let out a deep breath and closed her eyes. She wanted to go back. Go back to their old home. Go back to that time when they had just brought back Yuna to their home. Just go back to those relatively peaceful days again. In the end though, she knew. She knew that those days would never come back now.
A land of ash. Hills of it that cascaded around her and perpetually surrounded by a fog with a thickness almost like smoke. A fog that threatened to choke her as it entered her lungs. That was where Ayuka had found herself now. She tried to put an arm to her mouth and use the sleeve of her shirt to filter out some of the fog. It didn't help much. It also didn't explain how she ended up here. "You hate it here. I do too." Ayuka turned to the source of her voice and found herself looking at... herself. Or just a fake copy of herself. Some black figure, obscured by fog, that clearly took her form. "Who the hell are you?" Ayuka growled. "Do you need to ask?" the fake replied. "Or are you just being purposefully ignorant? Hiding yourself from the truth, like you always do." "That doesn't answer my question," Ayuka shouted and immediately regretted it as she took in a mouthful of fog. She began to cough heavily, trying to clear out her lungs. "Your family. You need them. You need them so much, yet you don't realize how much harm you've done them. You're a parasite feeding off their love. You're going to doom them, just like you did your father. Just like you did your mother and Momo." "Shut... up!" Ayuka said between wheezes. It was too hard to breathe. She needed to get out of here. "Fine then. Ignore the truth. Just remember this. You might be returned to your human body, but the Soul, the Soul remembers what has been done to it," the fake her said. "Twisted, perverted, altered by an alien creature, just because of a foolish dream." "This is a dream," Ayuka gasped. "This isn't real." The fake stepped forward and Ayuka stepped back in turn. She wasn't letting that... thing anywhere near her. "Fine then. Pretend this is all a dream," the fake mocked her as it tilted its head and somehow smirked at her past all the fog. "Just know that when you've lost everything and fallen into the deepest despair once more, I'll still be here." "So that's what this is all about," Ayuka replied. "You just wanna take over my body. Well, you're not having it!" The fake disappeared but Ayuka still continued shouting, even as her lungs burned. "I'm not going to end up like you! I'm going to survive, like I've always done. There's no way I'm going to become a–"
Ayuka opened her eyes and immediately sat up as she put a hand to her sweating head. A dream. That was all that it was. She was no longer surrounded by fog, no longer standing on a land of perpetual ash. She got up and looked at the bed. Looked at the little bundle of green that slept close to her. Ayuka grabbed Yuna's hand and held on tight. She was back in the bedroom, the room that the Kaname's had given them. She was a human. There was no way. It was impossible. She was a human. That was all a dream. She wasn't even a Magical Girl anymore. She wouldn't become one of them. A Witch. Right?
"Have you heard anything from Sayaka and Homura?" Hitomi asked Madoka next to their lockers after school had ended. "Kyosuke and I are worried." Madoka, who had been discreetly taking stock of the equipment she had hidden in her backpack thanks to magic, shook her head. "They told me that they're still waiting for the results." Three Scattershots, Four Explosives, Two Grapples, One two three- seventeen Regular arrows, and one Piercer as Sayaka dubbed it. The last one was the hardest to make and took the most effort to charge, so that was to be saved for emergencies. Plenty of shots left for today's hunt but as Mami said, you could never have too much ammunition. "That's a shame," Hitomi replied with a concerned expression. "I can only hope they can find what's wrong with Akemi's heart." The excuse they had given Hitomi was that Homura needed to go to a doctor outside the city due to complications with her heart and Sayaka had gone with her to support her. It had given them a few days of excused absences from school and with Golden Week next week they wouldn't be missing much else. It also helped that Sayaka's were off on their own business to Ayuka, so they wouldn't have noticed her going elsewhere. "I'm sure they will," Madoka said, mostly to reassure herself. "Homura, Sayaka... they'll be fine." "Do you want to go with me to grab some cake?" Hitomi suggested. "It's been a while and I have some free time now. We could also go visit Kyosuke in the hospital. With his hand healed they say that he could be discharged soon." Madoka wanted to go, she really did, but with everyone else gone she was the only one remaining that could patrol the area for Witches. If she didn't... so many people could get hurt. "I'm sorry," Madoka apologized. "My family has something planned." It was a bit of weight off her shoulders now that Mama and Papa knew about what she did, but it still didn't make it easier being unable to explain to Hitomi and Kyousuke why she no longer had time to hang out with them. "You and Sayaka have been busy recently... ever since Homura showed up. Not that I blame her or anything!" Hitomi quickly amended. "But if there's something going on and you three need some help." "Thank you Hitomi," Madoka said with the best smile she could muster. "But we'll be fine. I... can hang out with you this weekend." "That... sounds good. Kyosuke could be discharged by then so the four- er three of us can spend time together again." Madoka was quick to agree. Maybe Sayaka and Homura would return by then. That was a nice thought. With plans made the two of them went to the entrance of the school only to find someone waiting by the entrance. Someone whose red hair and casual outfit made her standout from everyone else there. "Ayuka? What are you doing here?" Madoka asked. Ayuka got off the wall she was leaning on and uncrossed her arms. "Your father wanted me to pick you up... and help out with your," she glanced at Hitomi, "Business." She opened up a pack of Pocky, put one in her mouth and held another stick out to Madoka. "Want one?" "S-sure," Madoka replied as she took the stick. She didn't put it into her mouth immediately though. "Ayuka?" Hitomi asked as she looked at Ayuka carefully. "This is Ayuka Emiya," Madoka quickly introduced her friends to each other. "Her family has been staying at my home for the last few days. Ayuka, this is Hitomi Shizuki." "Yo," Ayuka casually greeted with a wave of her hand. "... Ayuka..." Hitomi muttered to herself. "I'm sorry Emiya, but do you know Sayaka Miki?" "That idiot?" "So, you are the girl that Sayaka picked a fight with in Kazamino!" Hitomi shouted upon her revelation. "Madoka, how did she start staying in your house? Is she causing you any trouble?" "Um well, her father and mine knew each other. And they've been perfectly nice. They haven't done anything to me," Madoka quickly defended Ayuka. "Family friends then?" Hitomi asked while still looking at Ayuka suspiciously. Ayuka sighed. "My beef is with Blue. I have no issue with Madoka, I actually kinda like her." "So, you won't cause her any issues?" "Nah. If anything Avyn and her father want me to help her out today. You don't have to worry about me messing with her." It took a few seconds, several long seconds, before Hitomi finally bowed her head. "Apologies. I should not have accused you of anything. It's just that with Sayaka gone someone has to take the task of watching over Madoka." "I can handle myself," Madoka looked away and muttered with a light blush on her cheeks. "Yea I can understand that," Ayuka agreed. "She's a bit too nice for her own good... but she is tougher than she looks." Madoka looked at Ayuka in surprise. Hitomi nodded before turning back to Madoka. "So, this is the family business you were talking about." "Y-yea. Sorry," Madoka apologized again. "That's fine. I know what it's like to have to stay connected with family friends," Hitomi said with a reassuring smile. "I hope you two have a good time." She then turned to Ayuka. "And please, keep an eye on Madoka." "Will do." Satisfied with her answer, Hitomi left, leaving Madoka alone with Ayuka. "Are you really here to help, Ayuka?" Madoka asked. "Yea," Ayuka admitted. "Avyn's still busy checking on Yuna and your parents wanted one of us to back you up." "Thank you," Madoka said gratefully. "Let's go patrolling then." "Actually, there's a Witch close to the school," Madoka informed her. "I had to wait until school ended before I went for it though." "Lead the way," Ayuka said and let Madoka lead her to the labyrinth. It was a short walk to the entrance and once they arrived Madoka put her backpack on the ground and began to dig through it. She pulled out her quiver and filled it with all the arrows she had available. "You're still using the quiver Avyn gave you?" Madoka nodded as she slung the quiver across her back and summoned her bow. "It's a wonderful gift and I've been making arrows like he suggested." "Glad to see someone's listening to him at least," Ayuka sighed before taking a spear out of a satchel and used it to slash an entrance into the labyrinth. She stepped inside and Madoka was quick to follow. The labyrinth this time was a technological spectacle. All sorts of machines, gadgets, and equipment made up the walls and were scattered throughout the room. The scattered objects provided convenient stepping stones to avoid what looked like a giant current of electricity that ran on the entirety of the floor. It would hurt to fall into that. Madoka prepped herself and used her enhanced strength to follow Ayuka as she jumped from platform to platform. Eventually they landed on the screen of a giant monitor where a group of large familiars waited for them. They looked like handheld gaming devices. The same she had seen some of her classmates, and Sayaka, use in class while the teacher wasn't looking. "Alright," Ayuka said as she hefted her spear. "I'll go first you stay back an–" Madoka had already stepped forward, nocked her bow, and primed a blue tipped arrow before Ayuka had time to finish her sentence. She shot the arrow straight up in the arrow. At the very apex of its flight it shattered into numerous pink fragments that began to storm down on the familiars below. By the time the arrow was spent only a few familiars remained. "Or you could just do that," Ayuka mused before she flashed forward in an instant and skewered the remaining familiars. "Looks like you can handle yourself." "Mami's been training me, and I've been hunting alone for the last few days." "Good." Ayuka's face took on a wild look. "Means I can go all out without worrying about keeping an eye on you." Considering what happened to her recently, Madoka was more than willing to let Ayuka release her violent impulses in the labyrinth. "Go ahead." And go ahead she did. Like a raging bull Ayuka rammed into everything that they ran into in the labyrinth. She actually could have been hurt if Madoka hadn't been watching her back. Thankfully Madoka had become very used to covering for aggressive fighters thanks to Sayaka. Ayuka hopped off the monitor and quickly descended using the platforms. Rather than follow that same path, Madoka took out a yellow tipped arrow. This arrow though was shaped more like a harpoon and she slammed one end of it into the ground. She then pulled out the top, aimed the shot, and fired. The tip would fly, carrying with it a magic enhanced rope that tightened and went straight once the tip had landed onto the farthest platform she could aim for. Madoka then dismissed the string on her bow so she could put it on top of the rope, grab onto the ends, and slide down her newly made path. She ended up getting to that platform around the same time Ayuka did despite the lead the Magus had. "Where'd you get one of those?" Ayuka asked as Madoka rolled on her landing and quickly stood up next to her. "Mami suggested it, helps me and everyone else get around easier" Madoka said as she straightened her skirt, it had gotten caught in her leg during the roll. She thanked the Goddess that she wore shorts underneath ever since she started doing tricks like that. Apparently Magical Girls didn't have that issue, their outfits or some sort of light diffusing magic made sure of that. Either that or they simply didn't care. Mami had talked about seeing some rather... risqué outfits in the past. Outfits that made some of the doodles of Magical Girl outfits in her notebook look suitable for nuns in comparison. She wouldn't say anything about nuns though. Avyn had warned her not to talk to Ayuka about churches, fire, or hanging in general. Madoka didn't know what exactly happened to Ayuka, just that it was some sort of tragedy from what she could get from Mami and Avyn, but those three topics didn't paint a pretty picture. "Always coming up with new ideas," Ayuka sighed. It wasn't weary or annoyed though, it was somewhat wistful. "Did she have you call out your attack names yet?" "She suggested it..." Madoka blushed. "But I don't think I can do that." "Good. Once you start it's almost impossible to stop... also it really gets annoying when people around you expect you to shout it out every time you have to use that move." "How long have you fought with Mami?" "Long enough." That wasn't much of an answer, but before Madoka could ask any further Ayuka had already gone ahead. Madoka simply followed. She really did want to know more about Ayuka. Yes, she and Sayaka fought a lot. But seeing how she cared for Yuna and Avyn, how she was willing to help her with her patrol, well she couldn't be a bad person at all. If Ayuka and Sayaka could just talk... then maybe they'd be able to get along. Maybe even be really good friends. That was what Madoka wanted. For all her friends to get along. It wasn't long until they finally got to the Witch, some sort of giant toy robot. One that Madoka could imagine Tatsuya playing with. Its hands were long, sharp claws, its feet were spiky blocks, and its eyes were a crystalline red. Madoka yelped as she ducked underneath the laser shot in her direction, the heat of it singing a few strands of her hair. And apparently it could shoot laser beams from its eyes. Tatsuya would definitely love this if it hadn't been out to kill them. "Don't wimp out on me now, Madoka!" Ayuka shouted as she somersaulted over a swinging arm and jammed her spear into its chest. It cracked slightly before Ayuka's weapon bounced off. "Tch, tough." "Just keep aiming for that spot!" Madoka shouted as she knocked and fired a red tipped arrow at the same spot. It went off with the force of an RPG, which Madoka was very familiar with at this point considering how much Homura liked to use those, and caused the cracks to spread even further. "A little hard to do with it swinging at me," Ayuka shouted as she ducked under another swing and angled her spear to deflect the laser beams that were shot at her. "Just keep firing, I'll distract it." That meant Madoka had to work quickly, before Ayuka risked getting herself hurt. She quickly unloaded her remaining Explosive arrows one after another. The three consecutive explosions blasted an ever increasing hole into its chest and the Witch stumbled back on the third. With the Witch now forced back, Ayuka twirled the spear in her hands, gripped it with her underhand and took a wide stance. Flame erupted from the spear and enveloped the weapon just before Ayuka threw it with all her might. The flaming projectile slammed straight into the hole, piercing through the chest and coming out the back of the Witch. "It's no Gáe Bulg," Ayuka muttered as shook her wrist. "But that definitely works." "That was really cool!" Madoka praised. "Took me months to get that working... You've pretty good with your powers, how long have you had them?" "Almost two months now." "That's it?" Ayuka asked as they watched the Grief Seed fall to the floor. "Mami says I learn quickly," Madoka admitted. "B-but's it not that fast and it's only because I have her and Homura to teach me." "Mami must love teaching you then," Ayuka reached down to grab the Grief Seed. She then began cupping it, staring deep into the blackness behind the clear crystal. "Is everything okay?" Madoka asked. "I know it doesn't do anything for me," Ayuka suddenly began to mutter. "Shut up." "Um, sorry?" She wasn't even sure what she was apologizing about. Ayuka looked at Madoka, as if she just remembered that she was still there. "It's nothing, just talking with Avyn." "You can talk to him with your mind, right?" "Yea. Comes with the whole Master, Servant Contract," Ayuka showed off the red marks on your hand. "Actually, if you're a Semi-Servant could you be someone's Servant... Could you also be the Master of a Servant?" "That..." was actually a really good question. "I don't know. Maybe you could ask Avyn?" Madoka suggested. "Nah, he's out of range." But didn't she just say she was talking with Avyn? "Anyway," Ayuka tossed the Grief Seed. "You can have this." "Are you sure?" Madoka asked after she caught it. "Yea. I'm human. Don't need to use it," Ayuka replied. "You might not either, but your friends do. Besides, I owe you anyway." "That's really nice, thank you." Ayuka scoffed. "It's not that nice... Just delaying the inevitable."
Yuna opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room. Once again she wasn't entirely sure how she ended up in this or how she got there in the first place. And then she remembered. She didn't panic this time though. Somewhat because she was already used to ending up like this and mostly because, excuse her language, she felt like absolute shit. Everything hurt. And she meant everything. It was a struggle to turn her head much less try to sit up and get out of bed. And when she did turn it she found herself looking at a pair of large brown eyes looking at her excitedly. "Mama!" the boy, a toddler apparently, began shouting. "Y'ma awake now!" "Meow." And there was also a cat at the foot of her bed. That was nice. She liked cats. The first one to open the door and step into the room after the toddler called was Avyn and then a woman right behind him, who Yuna could only assume was the boy's mother. "Tatsuya! How'd you get here?" The mother asked. "I was sure he was in his crib." "Crafty like his father I'd imagine," Avyn replied before he kneeled down next to Yuna and looked her in the eyes. "How do you feel?" "Terrible. Everything hurts," Yuna admitted she tried to sit up and was able to do so this time with Avyn's help. Her back and neck were propped up by several pillows laid against the head of the bed. "Well, that's what happens when you overuse a Magical Circuit. It produces too much heat and ends up burning your body from the inside out." Yuna had a feeling that was what happened. She knew what she was doing the second she had picked up that hammer. "Where's Ayuka? How is she?" "She's fine. Out hunting right now." "By herself?" "With Madoka, do you remember her?" "Pink Girl with Ribbons." "Yes," Avyn nodded. "We've been staying at her family's house. They know about Magecraft and Servants." "That's nice." Yuna tried to get out of bed only to have Avyn stop her with a hand. "Ow..." "You still need to rest," Avyn said as he sat down and put his hand on top of her chest. His magic spread through her body, leaving her feeling tingly and a bit cooler than before. "Should help with the pain, but she shouldn't move around too much." "Can you... heal me more?" Avyn shook his head. "I've done what I can. There's no permanent damage but your body needs to heal by itself. Is there anything you need?" "Thirsty," Yuna croaked. Avyn turned to the woman. "Junko, could you get us some water? And also start heating up that light broth I have stored in the fridge." "Of course, Avyn," Junko agreed before grabbing Tatsuya and carrying him out of the room. "Anything else?" Avyn asked. "Bathroom?" "... I'll go get a pan." After that embarrassing situation had been dealt with, mostly by Junko constantly reassuring her, Yuna was finally allowed a drink of water. It did wonders on her parched throat and the broth soon after was a welcome addition to her tongue. Light and tasty, she swallowed it easily and she could feel it warm up her stomach slightly. "We'll get you some solid food in a few hours, once your body's adjusted," Avyn informed her as he stood up and stepped aside. "Also get ready for some visitors." Visitors? Loud, heavy footsteps could be heard down the hall. They rapidly converged onto the room, until Ayuka rushed into the doorway, took one look at Yuna, and quickly threw herself in that direction. Yuna barely had time to prepare herself before Ayuka had already completely enveloped her in her arms. It hurt, a lot actually. But Yuna didn't mind so much. She even returned the hug with her own, in spite of how much her arms groaned when she did so. "I'm fine, Big Sis," Yuna tried to reassure her. "I'm better now." Ayuka remained silent and continued to hold onto Yuna's body. It was only after some time, when Avyn had put a hand on her shoulder, did Ayuka finally let go. Her face, her eyes. They seemed more... tired. "Ayuka, have you been sleeping?" Yuna asked. "I have," Ayuka replied. "Don't worry about me. How do you feel?" "My body hurts, but Avyn says I'll get better." "Avyn told me that... but it's nice to hear it from you." "Ayuka... are you mad at me?" Yuna finally decided to bite the bullet and ask Ayuka the question that remained at the back of her mind. "For overdoing my Magecraft? For practicing behind your back." "No..." Ayuka replied, much to Yuna's relief. "You did what you had to, and that's what saved us. In the end what happened to you is my fault." "It isn't–" "Oriko is my problem. My responsibility. She still is. You... you shouldn't have been forced to get involved with that." "But she was after Avyn." Yuna quickly looked at Avyn. "Not that I blame you bu–" "He is my Servant. My responsibility," Ayuka replied. "You both are. Whatever happens... I'll do whatever it takes to keep you two safe." The look on Ayuka's face... Avyn couldn't see it from where he stood, but Yuna could. It wasn't the confidence, the determination that she normally showed, instead it was resigned. As if she had already accepted whatever she would have to do next.
"You actually can act as a Master of a Servant or even be summoned as a Servant of a Master, though for the latter it won't likely be the you as you are now. Probably a future, if not alternate version of you," Avyn informed Madoka as he helped Papa in the kitchen. They were cooking a special dinner now that Yuna was awake. "It can get very confusing. Even I'm not fully informed on this because of how rare they show, even across the multiverse." "Multiverse?" Madoka asked. "Multiple timelines. A Servant like me can show up in a countless number of them. I can count on my hand the number of times I've actually seen a Semi-Servant. When they do show up though... Well, unbelievable things happen. There was one Semi Servant that inherited the Ame-no-Sakahoko once held by Izanagi and Izanami, though I didn't really talk with her much back in Cheldea. You taking on the power of a Goddess doesn't seem that strange anymore considering the context." "Erice and Voyager always were an interesting pair," Papa commented as he roasted vegetables in a pan. "Still have no idea what sort of Servant Voyager actually was." Avyn cut up the potatoes he peeled and dumped them into boiling water. "I would've used my Tracing on him, but his old Master was incredibly possessive of him. Didn't want to risk getting consumed by her demons." Papa shivered. "I've seen it. It was not pretty." "Well, they always had you cleaning up the messes the Servants created," Avyn commented. "And they always had you working in the kitchen. Tell me, how often were you actually brought in for combat?" "They had more other Servants more suitable... and worthy of such a role. Neither of us were very suited to the limelight." "... Fair enough" It was strange whenever the two interacted. They liked to bicker a lot and argue... but they worked surprisingly well together. Even Mama commented how compatible the two were whenever they worked around the house. "Does Ereshkigal remember anything?" Papa asked. "Not about that time, no." "So, you do know Ereshkigal," Madoka commented. "She always seems so comfortable around you." "Building up your Harem again, Emiya?" "Really? In front of your daughter?" "She's kind. Not stupid. And back in Cheldea there was actually a betting pool on who you ended up with." "Do you know anything after I was dismissed?" Papa shrugged as he added salt. "As much as you do. Most of us were sent back to the Throne after Solomon was dealt with. If something else did happen after that, then I haven't received those memories yet." "I guess it doesn't matter in the end," Avyn said as he took out an ice bath, which he then proceeded to dump the cooked potatoes into. "We have our own issues to deal with now." "You do," Papa replied. "I don't have any powers and I have my family to think about now." "You've changed." "And you haven't... are you sure you should be going to Kamihama?" After taking out patting dry the potatoes, Avyn began to crush them with a masher. "As long as Oriko remains a threat, Ayuka and I won't have peace. She needs to be dealt with." "I understand why your Master would have to go... but what about Yuna?"
"You were going to have her stay with us? Weren't you?" Madoka looked at Avyn in shock. "You were going to leave Yuna with us?" "She'll be safer here," Avyn replied. "Oriko is clearly aiming for me, and Ayuka won't ever let them take me without a fight. Yuna on the other hand has little to do with this." "But she's your family," Madoka replied. "And that's why we have to keep her safe. We don't aim to abandon her but if something happens to either of us, it'd be nice to have some reassurance that she'll be taken care of." "I'm fine with taking in a child in need." Papa looked at Avyn carefully. "But only if they want it." "I don't think Ayuka would like it either," Madoka commented. Avyn shook his head. "I'll convince Ayuka. She'll understand why we have to do this. As for Yuna, I'll give the news to her gradually. We won't leave anyway until she's sufficiently recovered."
Ren shivered as she led another soul into one several cages hanging on her body. They were all made by Ereshkigal, all meant to allow her to capture and house spirits. Whether willingly or not, and it was usually the latter. There were just so many dead in this abandoned building within Mitakihara. So many wayward spirits that needed guiding. Apparitions and Wraiths alike. Apparitions were simple enough for Ren to dispel, using the practice and advice she received from Ereshkigal. They were just leftover thoughts, fragments of souls that had already departed that then gathered together to form an entity with a primitive drive to live. They could be considered a projection or recording of those who once lived. For most people they were harmless and even those with spiritual abilities were unaffected as long as they had enough willpower. Ren wasn't entirely sure if she had enough willpower to resist them herself if she was being honest, but Ereshkigal's blessing was usually enough to make that a moot point. It also made her capable of making use of them. She lifted up her hand and dispelled the apparition in front of her with a short burst of power. Once the apparition was dealt with, she summoned a white wisp like entity to illuminate the dark hall of the abandoned building she was traversing. For each one Ren dispelled she also took a small piece, acquiring just a tiny bit of knowledge. She didn't take too much, to prevent them from getting root in the physical once more, but enough that she started to learn from them and became a bit more creative with her powers. She started calling them spells, for lack of a better term. However, she had to be careful when using them. Each spell used up a bit of her vitality, both spiritually and physically, and she needed as much of it as possible when dealing with the Wraiths. Unlike the spirit of that drowned boy back in Kamihama some of these wraiths could be particularly... volatile. Ren yelped as the dark otherworldly shadow of a wraith lunged at her from a nearby corner, barely avoiding it. She could feel the heat and life of her body leaving her body though just a tiny graze on her arm. The wraiths that mistook her for a corpse to take over were especially dangerous. Even more so when they realized she was alive and sensitive enough to them that they could actually interfere with her physical body. That was the issue with being close to the border like Ren was. So many things that couldn't affect most people could now affect her, drain her life and even take away her will to live. She very much wanted to live now though. Ren stared at it carefully as it slowly turned itself around and seemed to observe her in turn. Along its body she noticed and mentally traced the solid, black, zigzagging scribbles that began to appear on its body. That was another thing she had gained from the fragments of the spirits she helped to pass on. She started seeing these strange lines when she focused her eyes. They were easiest to see on spirits, but she sometimes saw a few on a passing object or a random person on the streets. She honestly didn't know what they were, or if they even mattered at all. So instead of worrying about those lines, Ren simply lifted up a cage and slammed it atop the wraith's head when it tried to lunge for her again. The strike disoriented it enough that she was somehow able to grab it with her hand, ignore the chill that spread from her palm, and forcefully shoved it through the cage door. "Well, that's one way to do it." Ereshkigal materialized as Ren closed and locked the door. "I would've suggested blasting it." "I... didn't want to risk it... Too tiring." "That's because you're only using your body's lifeforce to power your attacks. Apparitions aren't just a source of leftover knowledge, but also power." "You... want me... to use the Apparitions?" "Yes. It's more efficient that way. With a bit of practice you can also start commanding wraiths to strike or possess your foes. That is the Authority you have over the dead, the gift that you received from me," Ereshkigal said smugly. "But wraiths... are people," Ren replied. "They were. Then they died. Now in death they can still serve a purpose before they pass on. Some Wraiths are less cooperative than others but if you're confident in your Authority then they will be compelled to listen. Compelled to let you give them purpose before finally letting them depart in peace." Confidence... that was not something that Ren had much of. Apparitions were one thing, but she didn't think she'd ever start commanding Wraiths anytime soon. Ren began handing the cages over to Ereshkigal only to have the Goddess stop her before the last one. The cage that held the same wraith that just attacked her. "That soul belonged to a murderer that once stalked these halls," Ereshkigal informed Ren. "Although every soul deserves to pass on, that doesn't mean that it can't work for it. Keep it on you. Find a use for it before you let it pass on." Ren wasn't sure she'd ever find a use for a Wraith, especially one as violent as this one, but she still hung it on her waist anyway. Wouldn't be too much of an issue to carry around as only those with some form of Magical ability could see it. Rika would see it though. Maybe it was about time she told Rika everything. They continued traversing the building. Going from hallway to hallway, passing room by room, and going through every corner that the Goddess detected a spirit within. Spirits that Ren could practice on and for those that were outside her capabilities, Ereshkigal dealt with herself. Still though... Ren didn't know why Ereshkigal had her do this. The Goddess would've been enough, so why did she have to be involved. Ereshkigal never told her... and Ren had trouble asking why even though there had been plenty of opportunity to do so. "People like us... with dominion over their realm... we are the few that can truly understand the dead," Ereshkigal commented as she led Ren up a flight of stairs. "It's... lonely," Ren commented. "That's why... spirits gather. For them... and us." "You are a strange human," Ereshkigal commented. "One who couldn't find her place among the living and yet can seek her purpose among the dead... Perhaps we are kindred spirits in that way. Strange it would be a human from a faraway land and time that I could connect with the most." They stepped into what looked like what used to be a reception area. Likely to lead guests or customers to offices on this floor. They quickly began to make their rounds of the place. "I'm... trying to get better. Trying to... be happy... with the living," Ren said as she spotted an Apparition in the corner. "That's the luxury provided to you as a human." "You can also... stay. Live with us... in this world." "I'm a Servant and a Goddess. We are vastly different beings, you and I." "We're still friends... you can be friends... with Rika too... There are lots of good people... that you can be with... You aren't alone here." Ereshkigal paused. The Goddess's mouth lifted slightly in a smile and somehow Ren could see the faint blush on her cheeks in the low glow of the wisp above them. "This world is interesting. The flower, wind, stars, and above all the person I chose as Master. One day I'll create a city in my domain that surpasses even all of that... but until then. Yes, I will enjoy my time here. If you'll continue having me." "I will," Ren smiled as she dispelled the Apparition. <Interesting. You have developed a command over death itself.> Ren yelped as she looked for the source of the voice in her head. <Though I guess that's to be expected from Contracting with the Goddess of the Underworld. To think that Servants have been summoned to this world... it was always within possibility but not enough that I could consider it. At least until I observed your fight in Kazamino.> "Who are you?" Ren asked. A white cat with bunny ears suddenly stepped out from around a corner. Its large eyes seemed to be staring straight into Ren's soul. <I am Kyubey. Messenger and companion of Magical Girls!> Ren's eyes widened in realization. A white cat. One who Avyn had warned her about years ago. The same one that had done something unspeakable to Rika. "You–" <Make a wish with me and become a Magical Girl!> Ereshkigal stabbed it with her lance before Ren had a chance to refuse it. "You disgust me with your presence," the Goddess growled at the corpse. Normally Ren was against violence, but after what it did to Rika she had no room for compassion for it. No room for pity. She just wanted it dead. Thankfully her Servant was very much of the same opinion. <Perhaps you should let your Master answer herself.> Another one of its bodies appeared on the rotting counter. "What... did you do to Rika," Ren shouted as her body shook in rage. "You... took her soul... stuffed it into a gem... and forced her to become a Witch!" The sheer atrocity of what this creature committed was only made all the clearer to Ren once she started working with Ereshkigal to exorcise spirits. To have the very soul of a living person warped and twisted beyond recognition. To become a Witch as it had been described to her... It made her want to cry. <So, you know.> "A corrupted imitation of a nature spirit that was designed to fail." Ereshkigal put hand to her waist. "That is what Magical Girls are. Then as Witches, in their continued failure to properly manifest a Marble Phantasm, they instead form a localized Reality Marble. That is what the girls you Contract become and these breaks in reality that they create then are converted into energy that you harness. Am I correct?" <It all makes sense now,> Ereshkigal told Ren mentally, <With the knowledge this body imparted on me. I just need confirmation.> <The true implications and fundamentals of the Magical Girl Contract would be beyond what even you could fathom... but that is a way it could be interpreted from a human's understanding.> "Why..." Ren's voice trembled. "Why would you do this to her? To them? No one deserves to have that done to their soul!" <It is to prevent entropy. The heat death of the entire universe. Their transformation is a small price to pay for the entirety of the universe, is it not?> There was just no point arguing with it. It would never see that what it was doing was wrong. It couldn't see the beauty present in the world or the ugliness it left behind with its actions. <Rika... another one I Contracted. It has been a while since I last spoke with her, cut off from Kamihama as I am. What is happening over there?> "Just go away," Ren said. <You've become rather fond of her... I wonder what you would do for her.> The Incubator didn't try to evade the bone spikes that jutted from the floor and impaled it where it stood. Another of its bodies appeared in a hole in the ceiling above them. "How long are you going to play this game," Ereshkigal said. "You're wasting all of our time at this point." <A wish is a desirable thing. It could even be used to revert what has been done to Rika. It certainly wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened.> Ren froze. The chill in her body no longer came from any wraith or apparition that inhabited the building. <Think about it. Perhaps you value her soul more than you do your own,> the Incubator said before finally departing. Ren's body trembled, tears gathering in her eyes as the weight of the Incubator's words weighed her down. It was only because of Ereshkigal supporting her body, that she did not collapse to the floor at that very moment. She wanted to live now. She did. But she also wanted Rika to live. She wanted Rika to be saved. "Ren," Ereshkigal rubbed her back gently. "Don't listen to it. I am the Ruler of the Underworld. I command the spirits and the souls of the departed. I'm sure we can find a way–" "Let's just... finish cleaning... this building," Ren wiped away the tears from her eyes and looked up at Ereshkigal. "Please." "... Okay."
"How was your day?" Tomohisa asked politely as Ren and Ereshkigal arrived last at the dinner table. "We were approached by a certain rat," Ereshkigal explained. Ren simply took her seat in silence and let Ereshkigal do the speaking. Avyn and Tomohisa immediately narrowed their eyes. "The Incubator," Avyn said. "Yes, and it confirmed a theory of mine," Ereshkigal replied. She then recounted the night's events, the conversation with Kyubey, and what Witches were. By the end of it, Avyn had closed his eyes, crossed his arms, and seemed to mull over her words. "The Incubator remained vague, but we can assume that your hypothesis is correct or at least very close to what is happening." "A soul that was taken out of the body, converted into something like a Nature Spirit, and then stuffed into a new vessel that couldn't process grief or magic usage," Tomohisa said. "Yes," Avyn confirmed. "We now know the end result... but we don't know the method. The Incubator clearly has access to power or technology beyond what exists in this world. Trying to reverse that likely wouldn't be possible with what's available to us, and that's assuming we could figure out how it does it in the first place. Even now I can't Trace the structure of a Soul Gem even though I know its purpose." "Like how most people know how a car works but would be unable to fix it themselves once they opened up the engine," Junko simplified it for everyone else there. "They simply don't have the tools or the knowledge." "And the Incubator is the only mechanic," Ereshkigal sighed. "Or at least that's what I can assume judging by the knowledge this vessel imparted to me." "You'll be safe enough from its presence once you return to Kamihama tomorrow," Avyn told Ereshkigal. "Still, the rat has a tendency to manipulate situations if it feels a Contract is worth the effort and it doesn't have to be there to do that. And you'll also have to careful of whatever's going on in that city." "No place seems to be safe," Tomohisa shook his head. "I don't think I can even see the Incubator in my current state. It could approach Madoka anytime and I wouldn't know it." "You just have to trust our daughter," Junko reassured him before turning to Madoka. "You're a good girl. I know you'll do what's right when the time comes." "But will the world repay her for that," Ayuka grumbled. "Does the world ever do anything for people that do the right thing? "Ayuka," Avyn said. "Your daughter should be more worried about staying alive, then anything else," Ayuka continued. "How's getting herself killed doing something good, good for anyone. Especially you guys." "Ayuka!" Avyn said more sternly. "I'm just saying. She should think about how her family feels rather than–" "Please stop." The words had left Ren's mouth before she could even think them. "Don't deflect... your own feelings." Ayuka simply turned and stared at Ren, open mouthed and wide eyed. Everyone else at the table remained silent and observed Ren as she spoke. "Just because it happened to you... doesn't mean it'll be the same... for them." "What do you know about me?" Ayuka growled. What was once a glare that would've sent Ren shivering, hardly fazed her at all. "Being mad at yourself... and at them... doesn't help. If you hate everything... without seeing the good... then you won't have a reason...to live." Ren returned Ayuka's glare with her own hardened gaze. They were both people that had experienced pain in this world, perhaps that was why she could understand her. Just a little bit at least. "Ayuka," Madoka finally spoke. "I know you're worried about me... but I'll be fine. And Yuna and Avyn will be fine too. Everything will work out eventually. I know it will." Madoka scratched the side of her head. "Besides, I don't think I'd ever do something like sacrificing myself for the greater good. I like helping people, but I don't think I'm brave enough to do something like that."
"Don't worry about Ayuka, she can be rude sometimes," Yuna reassured Ren while she dropped by to visit the girl in her room. Yuna seemed to be recovering well enough. She was able to sit up, move around a bit, and seemed to be in a good enough mood. "I'm just worried... I hurt her somehow," Ren replied. "Bis Sis has got some thick skin... if you avoid talking about certain things. She says a lot of mean things but she can take it herself. Or at least that's how she is usually. I don't know... she's been quieter recently." "Maybe she's still worried about you," Ren suggested. "Maybe... Avyn says I'll be fine though. Once I'm fully healed, I'll get up and... hit her with my hammer! Not hard, but enough to show her that I'm good now." "I think they left your hammer... back in your old home..." Ren looked away guiltily. "Just before we... destroyed it." "Oh... I'll just have Avyn make me one then. You know he also made that spear for Ayuka." "I heard he can make a lot of weapons." "That spear isn't a copy though. It's actually an original he made with his own hands!" Yuna said excitedly. "I want something like that now that I can fight..." Yuna frowned. "I also want to hit Oriko. She won't get away with hurting Ayuka and Avyn again." Ren smiled. Normally she'd be worried about a young child expressing such bloodlust, but well exceptions could be made. "Ereshkigal has also been... teaching me." She held up her hand and produced a lightly glowing wisp. "I'm not very good... but it's nice... to be able to do something." Yuna gazed appreciatively at the floating wisp. "I wonder what other spells I could learn, now that I can use Reinforcement." They continued to make small talk, until Yuna yawned and finally prepared to go to sleep. Ren exited the room and closed the door behind her, only to notice Avyn standing nearby in the hallway. "She's really excited to fight with you and Ayuka," Ren commented. Avyn remained silent. "Are you really... going to leave her here?" Ren asked. "It's for the best," Avyn replied. "She'll be safer here." "Is being safe... worth it? If she has to be left behind... by her family?"
"The beautiful things... in this world... for her... are you and Ayuka. Do you really... want to take that away from her? After she worked... so hard to find it?" Avyn remained silent and Ren took that as a sign to walk away. Not before informing her Servant of where he was.
Avyn didn't move a single inch as Ren disappeared into her room. Neither did he move when Ereshkigal appeared next to him. She had been seeking him after all, and it was best they spoke in private. He would just have to do his best to ignore her... familiar appearance. "Ren's right, you know. You'd be denying Yuna the people she cares for the most... I don't think I could ever accept something like that either," Ereshkigal commented. "You care for Ren, don't you?" Avyn asked. "I... do. She's shy and quiet... but she's one of the few people ever to show my kindness. Even knowing what I am." "Then what would you do to protect her?" Ereshkigal glanced away. "That's why you've been training her, haven't you?" Avyn continued. "The dead need... they deserve to have a shepherd. If she can fulfill that role for this world... I admit that might've been the reason why she was brought to me in the first place and why I was summoned. But yes, I also want to keep her safe. Try and prepare her for the dead that would try to consume her now that she exists at the boundary... She is probably the one person in this world that could understand them and me the most. And yet–" "Those with the kindest of hearts are often the ones hurt most by this world. Especially those who make it their goal to protect others," Avyn sighed. "It takes a selfish or perhaps a broken person to survive it." "Perhaps, but maybe its not worth living that way." Avyn shook his head. "Ayuka, Yuna, and I. We're all broken. In different ways, but broken nevertheless." He looked at Yuna's door. "It might hurt her... but I know that Yuna could live on without us. She's shown that she can stand on her own now." "And Ayuka?" "In the past maybe... but she needs me more than ever. It's not like I have much of a choice there. I need a Master to maintain my existence in this world and I don't think Ren can handle another Servant." "You always push away the people that care about you the most." It took much of Avyn's self-control not to flinch and remain composed. He wasn't entirely sure if that was the Goddess or the body she inhabited. "Because I don't deserve it," He eventually replied. "To be cared for by anyone... to be happy while others suffer. Not after everything I've done and the countless I've doomed with my existence. Yuna and Ayuka... they deserve someone else." "They chose you." "And it's a question I've asked ever since that fire. Why did it have to be me?"
Ren sat alone on the train as Kamihama came into view. She and Ereshkigal had both promised that they would return again once Yuna had fully recovered, but there was no telling what could happen during that time. In the end all she could do was wish them the best. "That man," Ereshkigal commented from the seat next to her. She was dressed in casual clothes and was physically on the train since Ren had paid for her ticket. It wasn't necessary with Astralization... but well the Goddess had been interested in the train and had wanted to try riding it herself. Even if she didn't actually say it. Sadly, Ereshkigal was a bit too occupied thinking about other things to enjoy the return trip home. "I thought I felt a kinship with him, but I can't help but be annoyed around him." "... Sorry." "Don't apologize over nothing. I wished to speak to him alone in the first place. I shall likely have to speak with him again when we visit them again." It didn't take long for the train to finally stop at Kamihama and for Ren, with Ereshkigal in tow, to step back out into the streets. It was nice to be home, though she still wasn't particularly good with crowds. Ereshkigal being around helped, but Ren would've definitely felt better with Rika around again. "Ren!" And apparently someone was granting wishes today. Ren toward her close friend with a smile. "Rika... how are you... here?" "Oh, Emirin and a couple other girls wanted to go clothes shopping around here and I knew you were coming back from your trip today. So, I just stopped by real quick to see if you got back yet and I got really lucky." "Thank you... for welcoming me," Ren blushed. "Who's your friend?" Rika asked cheerfully. Ren blinked and finally remembered that Ereshkigal was standing next to her in her physical form. It didn't help that the Goddess seemed likewise unprepared for the question. "I'm a... we met during her trip!" Ereshkigal replied. "You met in Matikihara," Rika tilted her head. "And came back with her here?" "W-well we just happened to have the same destination," Ereshkigal looked flustered. "I mean I moved here recently and she uh... volunteered to show me around." "So, you met on the train?" "Y-yes!" Ereshkigal replied, having composed herself somewhat. "We met on the train and got along quite well." "Wow!" Rika said cheerfully before turning to Ren. "I didn't think you could make another friend so quickly- not that I mean there's anything wrong... with you," Rika frowned and quickly amended her words. "I mean I'm glad you're enjoying yourself now. Wow, I really sounded like a jerk just now." "It's fine," Ren reassured her. "I... understand." "Thanks Ren," Rika smiled before turning back to the Goddess. "Anyway, I'm Rika Ayano! What's your name?" "Ereshkigal!" the Goddess replied confidently. "That's... a cool name!" Rika said. "Oh uh," Ereshkigal began blushing again. "Of course, it is! I mean... uh... thank you." "Are you two feeling tired? If you're okay then you can join me and Emirin." "Are you sure?" Ereshkigal asked, confused. "I mean we just met... and." She began looking insecure. "I haven't gone out that much." "That's fine," Rika replied as she grabbed Ereshkigal's and Ren's hands. "Any friend of Ren is a friend of mine. Besides, I'm already thinking of an outfit that can go with your hair! It's so pretty and your skin is so light." Ereshkigal was clearly unused to physical contact and her face went from a light blush to a full crimson. "I... uh." The Goddess turned to Ren for aid. Ren simply smiled and held Rika's hand in turn. "We'd like that." "Y-yes!" Ereshkigal turned back to Rika. "You shall have the honor of taking me shopping!" Rika giggled as she led them away. "Well let's go then, can't keep Emirin waiting!"
"Oh my god, you look so good in that sundress!" Emiri said as a blushing Ereshkigal stepped out of the changing room to show them the outfit that had been picked out for her. "I know right?" Rika said excitedly. "I figured a light blue would match her hair perfectly." "It does look good," Ereshkigal said bashfully. "I didn't think it would... but you two were right." "Of course it does!" Emiri replied. "Rikki and I have awesome taste." Ren simply smiled as they gushed over the Goddess, her own newly purchased outfit packed neatly in a bag. It was nice to have other people help pick out her outfits though for some reason Rika was always the first one to find something for her. It was nice... that attention. But was Rika just putting in that effort for her or did she just do that with all her friends when Ren wasn't there to take her attention? Ren didn't know. It would've been nice... to be someone special to Rika, but she didn't want to overstep either. Besides Rika was such a nice and active person, she had a lot of friends. Ren was perfectly fine with just being one of her many friends.. "You're wearing the gloves that Rikki gave you," Hinano sat beside Ren as Rika and Emiri continued to pick out outfits for Ereshkigal. "You know, she was a bit worried you wouldn't like them and didn't say anything to avoid hurting her." "No," Ren replied as she cradled the gloves she wore. "I love them." "That's great... but you know she has been picking out a lot of outfits recently. It probably costs a lot of money, you don't have to buy all of them." "I like everything that Rika picks out for me!" Ren quickly replied. "She isn't forcing anything on me. She actually always makes sure to check the price... and tries to get my opinion on it." Hinano stared at Ren for a bit before turning back to the others who were now starting to pick out hats to go with Ereshkigal's dress. Unlike the dress though there seemed to be some differing opinions on the hats. "You know, Rika doesn't always read the situation..." Hinano commented. "Actually, she probably does but usually she just does whatever she feels like anyway." "I never noticed that," Ren admitted. "Whenever I'm with her." "Well, she always puts in effort around you," Hinano smirked. "And you suddenly have a lot to say when it's about her." "...Huh?... Umm." Ren blushed and covered her mouth with her hands. "R-really?" That was actually... really embarrassing. She wanted to be able to talk more but for it to come out like that. "Nothing to worry about," Hinano said, still smirking. "It just means she's someone important enough to get you out of your box. If you can talk to others like you talk about Rika, I think you won't have any issues in the future." "Uh... okay..." Ren put her hands on her waist and grabbed them. "I'll... try." "Anyway," Hinano continued. "I'm glad that you feel that way. It's not just clothes, Rika was actually a bit worried that was going a bit too far." "W-what?" "She was worried that she was overstepping her bounds. Getting a bit too close than you were comfortable with." Rika felt that way too? "She isn't," Ren replied. "I... was worried... I was doing that to her." "Maybe you should let her know then," Hinano suggested. "I will..." "Hey Renki!" Emiri shouted and pointed to a hat that had been placed on Ereshkigal's head. "What do you think?" Ren couldn't help it. She giggled. That hat had to be the most ridiculous thing she'd ever seen. Oversized, oversaturated in orange and purple, and topped with all sorts of baubles. It was just something straight out of a circus and it was placed on a Goddess's head. A Goddess who was actually wearing that thing with a smug expression on her face, like it was the greatest thing she'd ever worn. "Ooh," Rika grimaced as she turned back to Ereshkigal. "I think we just got an answer there." Ereshkigal huffed and crossed her arms. "I'll have you know it looks great on my form. It was perfectly fashionable for my time." "Your time?" Hinano raised an eye. "How old are you?" "Uh..." "Hinano! You don't ask a girl her age," Emiri replied. Hinano frowned. "Didn't stop you from asking for mine." "That's because you were tiny, like a squirrel! And in high school. How was I supposed to know if I didn't ask you." "I thought I told you to stop saying that!" Hinano chastised Emiri. "Does it... really look that bad?" Ereshkigal asked Rika. "Yea, it kind of is," Rika replied. "Also, I'm pretty sure your skirt is backwards." "Wait, what?" Huh... Ren simply watched as Rika took away the hat while Ereshkigal scrambled back into the fitting room. Maybe Hinano was right. Maybe Rika wasn't always that considerate of others... apart from Ren. Did that make her special?
"Woah-! Crazy! It's super crowded," Rika said to Emiri as they stood in line for the place they were going to eat at tonight. The crowd was a bit overwhelming for Ren, but she could deal with it. Mostly by hovering next to Ereshkigal and grabbing onto her sleeve. Just being around the Goddess soothed Ren's nerves. "It totally is since this buffet is the hottest topic around," Emiri replied to Rika. "This is my second visit, but even last time was cray-cray. Both then and now are super insane! Totally!" "Oh my god! Totally!? I'm looking forward to the craziness!" "Once we enter the restaurant our spirits are gonna soar crazy high!" "I'm already burning with excitement and going to explode!" "I super get it! You're crazy!" "Are they speaking in another language or is that just me?" Ereshkigal asked Hinano. Honestly, Ren was wondering that herself. "I don't know," Hinano admitted before turning to Ren. "They're talking about a limited-time special winter buffet, right? Do you understand what they're saying? I keep hearing the words, crazy and explode." "And insane," Ereshkigal commented. "That too." "... Um... that... I'm s-sorry," Ren replied. "Yeah, we're all at a loss here," Hinano concluded. "Do we need to bring them to the hospital or something?" Ereshkigal asked. "You did hit Emiri's head pretty hard back there." Hinano shook her head. "Emiri's got a tough head, though I've asked that question countless times already." "I'm sure... they'll be fine... when they get... food," Ren replied. "It sounds... pretty... go–" Death, despair, and regret. That was what caused Ren to swivel her head at that moment. How? How could she forget? Just because she was having fun with Rika? She was going to spend time with them without letting them know about what could happen to them. That they could become Witches. But... How could she tell them? Should she? It wasn't long until everyone else there keyed into what she had sensed. "You noticed that?" Hinano asked Ereshkigal who had also turned her head. "Uh, yes," Ereshkigal replied. Hinano looked at the Goddess's hands. "Are you like Ren?" "... In a way." "Should we go hunt it right now?" Emiri asked as she ran back to Hinano. "Aw, we're going to have to miss the buffet." Rika was close behind though she looked worriedly at Ren. "It's fine. Ereshkigal and Ren can hold our place in line," Hinano quickly took command. "I'd rather not get them involved with this." Rika immediately looked relieved. "That's a good idea. And if we're held up they can just let other people through until we get back." "W-wait!" Ren voiced her objections before Ereshkigal could. "I... we... want to come... also." "It's dangerous," Hinano said. "I know... but Eresh and I... we know spells... we can... fight. I want to... help." Rika looked worried again as Hinano seemed to think over Ren's words. "How well can you fight?" Hinano eventually asked Ereshkigal. "Confidently," Ereshkigal replied. "We'd not stay behind and wait while you're all putting yourselves in danger." Ren nodded and stood alongside the Goddess. They wouldn't just stay behind and wait. They needed to go with them. "B-but," Rika began to stutter. It wasn't like her, she was usually so clear with her words. "Ren–" "Ren is making this choice on her own," Hinano interrupted her. "They want to come and help us." Rika glanced at Ren again before finally looking down in concession. "Okay." "Let's go then." Hinano quickly led them toward the Witch. Emiri pouted. "Too bad we're going to have to skip the buffet."
Ren had heard Rika describe Witches, she had Avyn tell them where they came from, and had Ereshkigal help her understand why their existence was so terrible, but she had never seen one for herself. Never stepped into a labyrinth, until now. It made her want to cry. She did cry. The corners of her eyes became wet. "Ren," Rika looked at her, concerned. "Are you okay?" Seeing Rika in her Magical Girl outfit, with her Soul Gem out for everyone to see, it made Ren want to cry even more. But she couldn't let herself break down. Not now at least. "It's okay," Ren replied as she held her arms. "It's just... weird." "Yea, labyrinths can be pretty weird..." Rika put a hand on her arm. "Just stick behind us. I know you and Ereshkigal want to fight, but it would make me feel better to know that you're safe." Ren nodded. "I'll... be careful," she said only for her voice to be drowned out by several explosions nearby. "Tighten the formation. These familiars are aggressive!" Hinano shouted as she took out vials from her lab coat and began throwing them at the enemy, which seemed to be some sort of strange collection of vines and metal wires. "Okay," Rika shouted before taking out what looked like a handheld mirror. She opened it, pointed it at a small group, and shot several laser beams that sliced right through them. <I'll stay back for now,> Ereshkigal remained in her casual clothes as she threw out a bone from her sleeve that struck a stray familiar in the center. <They seem to have a handle on it. I'll intervene if it seems like they're in trouble.> <Thank you.> Ren took out the cage that she had been hiding in her purse. The wraith, the leftover soul of a murderer still resided inside it waiting to be let loose. Maybe now was the time. Drawing upon something within herself, something she didn't even know she had, Ren forced her Authority onto her Wraith. "Fight for me, and you can pass on." She popped the cage open and the Wraith flew out and into the slowly decomposing body of the familiar. What was once falling apart suddenly picked itself together, started glowing an eerie white light, and then started jumping and tearing apart familiar after familiar. Thankfully the Magical Girls realized it was different and didn't attack it, though they did look back at Ren in confusion. Ren was honestly confused herself, but it worked. And having it take over a familiar's body was better than a skeleton or a corpse. As much as she loved Ereshkigal, she couldn't quite get used to the Goddess's preferred aesthetic. "Cool! You can control familiars?" Emiri asked. "Something... like that..." Ren replied. "Only once... though." "Is it safe?" Rika asked. "Yes..." "Even if it isn't, we can probably handle it," Hinano watched as the possessed familiar started lifting another familiar into the air and... began violently strangling it, somehow. Which was weird considering both were basically just a large mass of vines and wire. <I'm starting to think the Wraith I lent you might've been a bit too violent...> <Yea...> <Well, it's not strangling you. So, excellent work.> "We should probably keep going," Hinano said as she cleared a path forward. The wraith continued to follow them, though thankfully at a respectable distance as Ren had commanded it. Eventually after clearing out the familiars, they arrived at a giant metal door that seemed to lead to the room where the Witch laid. Emiri gave it a shove and it opened with an almost cartoonish creak. Past it though was nothing. Just walls and floors. The room was completely empty. "Don't see it anywhere," Hinano replied as the Magical Girls were the first to enter and scan the room. "Maybe it ran away already?" Emiri suggested as Ereshkigal walked in. Ren walked in last once everyone had made sure that it was safe to enter. "If it did then the labyrinth would've disappeared by now." "This is weird. Maybe it–" Rika turned around and her eyes widened in shock. "Ren behind you!" "What?" Ren was suddenly covered by a large shadow. She turned her head and realized the door had broken itself off its hinges, turned its flat surface into spikes, and had thrown itself at her. The spikes expanded as the door fell, rapidly making their way toward her. Time seemed to slow as the spikes slowly inched their ways toward her. She was calm... she wasn't afraid. In the end there was nothing she could do. She simply closed her eyes and hoped. Hoped that she would be saved, hoped that she could spend more time with Rika and Ereshkigal. If that didn't happen, then she at least hoped it would be painless. Clang The sound of metal against metal filled Ren's ears. She opened her eyes and saw herself looking at the back of the familiar black dress of a Goddess. "She's my grapevine! You don't get to hurt her!" Ereshkigal shouted as she forced the metal abomination back with a single shove. The door, no Witch, suddenly reconstructed itself. Metal and wire folded upon themselves, wires let loose bright lights, until it finally took its true form. An amalgamation of metal wire and steel in the form of a raging white and blue wolf. Ereshkigal didn't move a single inch as it howled at her. She simply raised her lance and began spinning it in the air. "O crimson light of the Underworld...!" The Goddess stabbed the lance into the ground. "Bury my foe!" A multitude of cages emerged violently from the ground, tearing apart the Witch's legs and causing it to tumble forward. It tried to scramble back up on the remains of its legs, snap at the Goddess with its fangs, and when failing proceeded to strike at her with a bolt of electricity. Ereshkigal took it in stride as she slowly, yet furiously stepped forward. Until she was just inches away from its head. "Find peace in the Underworld." With a single swing of her lance, she tore its head apart. Bisected it, crushed and scattered those parts that then impacted violently against a nearby wall. Despite her appearance, the Goddess had incredible Strength. A rank, as Ayuka called it. This was the first time that Ren had seen her utilize it fully though. <I know Spirits, Apparitions, and Wraiths, but these Witches... they can actually hurt you. Even with me here. I didn't realize because... I was having so much fun.> Ereshkigal bowed her head and turned away from the fading Witch. <Maybe it would've been better if I had just imprisoned you in the Underworld with me.> <... Ereshkigal?> The Goddess refused to answer. Ren turned around to find the Magical Girls staring. All except one who had already enveloped Ren in her arms before she had noticed her approach. "Ren! Are you okay!?" Rika shouted frantically. "I'm... fine," Ren replied. Rika gasped. "You're bleeding." Ren looked down at her calf and finally noticed the gash along it. It was only until now that she had realized that the pain had finally started to register. "Ow," she said as Rika helped her onto the floor to get a good look at it. "Can you help her?" Ereshkigal asked. "There isn't... much I can do to aid the living." "It's deep," Hinano replied as she kneeled down and took a closer look. The diminutive Magical Girl ripped off pieces of Ren's skirt in order to get a clear look at the wound. Ren whimpered as Hinano examined and tested it carefully. "Got bits of metal debris scattered throughout it and burrowing even deeper," Hinano commented. The labyrinth faded and a Grief Seed fell, though that was all ignored in favor of Ren's wound. Thankfully there was no one around to see them. "Avoided the artery there thankfully. She's not in danger of bleeding out if we work quickly." "Alright let's get started then!" Emiri approached with glowing hands only to be stopped by Hinano. "No," Hinano held her hand out. "We need to remove the metal before we close the wound." "How are we going to do that?" Rika asked. "Ren, please sniff this." Hinano held a vial out. "What... is it?" Ren asked as she smelled the concoction. She blinked and suddenly she found herself in a bedroom she had never been in before. The walls were a light pink, the carpet a bright red, and clothes were hung and scattered across the room. This place should've been foreign to her, yet somehow smelled almost familiar. The smell was comforting to her actually, strangely enough. Not comforting enough though to hide Ren's complete bewilderment at the situation. No amount of comforting smelling could get rid of that. Ren sat up and felt a light stinging in her leg. She moved the blanket and noticed the thick bandages across her calf. That and the oversized T-shirt that she now wore as sleepwear. "Ren..." Ren turned around to find Rika sitting nearby. Rika smiled, one that was both grateful and concerned. "Are you ok? Is your leg hurting you?" "A... little bit," Ren admitted as she looked around the room. "Where am I?" "My house was the closest, so we brought you here–" Wait. Rika's... house. Then this room, that familiar smell. "And let you use my room while you healed." Ren's face turned crimson as she quickly covered herself with the blanket. Rika's room!? That meant the entire time she had been smelling-... and Rika had been watching. Wait, putting the blanket over her head just made it worse! Ren threw the blanket back down and tried to avoid looking at Rika. "Um... I'm sorry..." "There's nothing to apologize for. I'm fine with you being in my room... I actually wanted to invite you here for dinner at one point." Rika chuckled. "This wasn't how I'd imagine you finally getting a chance to visit my place." Ren's heart nearly skipped a beat. Rika had actually wanted her to come over to her house? Maybe even meet her family? Ren looked up at Rika, who actually seemed a bit embarrassed. Her eyes were pointed to the ground and she was holding her own hands carefully. "It's nice..." Ren eventually replied. "Um... how did I... get here?" "Oh," Rika immediately took advantage of that change in topic. "Well that potion Hinano had you smell was actually an–" "An Anesthetic," Hinano opened the door and entered the room. "A strong one at that. Had to keep you down since removing the metal from your leg was going to hurt." They sat down next to them as Ereshkigal and Emiri entered the room. "Eresh told me you were awake and I was well inclined to believe her due to your connection." "... Connection?" Ren looked down at her hands and realized that they were bare. The red marks on the back of her hand were visible for everyone to see. "Eresh explained the gist of things to us while you were unconscious," Rika said. <It was necessary,> Ereshkigal said. Ren looked away, ashamed. She was supposed to have been the one to tell them, to tell her. The fact that Ereshkigal had to be the one to give them answers while she had been unconscious... "I'm... sorry... for keeping this... secret." "No!" Rika replied. "You don't need to be sorry about this or anything... I know you have a hard time speaking." But... still... "It's fine," Emiri commented cheerfully. "Eresh was having a hard time explaining it to us too! It's really crazy to think we were dressing up a Goddess!" "I thought that I had read that name somewhere," Hinano commented. "Didn't expect it to be a deity of Babylonian myth. I should've stopped being surprised after Avyn though, whatever he is." "I honestly have little idea myself," Ereshkigal admitted. "He keeps his identity well to himself." Well, as much as Ren regretted it, it still worked out in the end. "How long... was I sleeping?" "Just a few hours," Hinano replied. "It's late though, you should probably let your parents know that you're staying over with a friend." "W-what?" "We're doing our best with magic, but healing humans is harder than other Magical Girls. There's still work to be done and you shouldn't be moving around that much. Also, I don't think you'd want your parents to see those bandages there." That made sense, but it meant that she'd be... that she'd be... "I'm... staying in... Rika's house... for the night?" "It's fine," Rika replied. "My parents are out and... I always wanted to have a sleepover with you I guess." "Me too!" Emiri said. "We could totally make this a slumber party an–" "We need to go home," Hinano interrupted Emiri. "We can't just invite ourselves unexpectedly and crowd the place for the night. Besides, Ren needs some actual peace if she's going to recover." Emiri mulled over Hinano's words before looking at Ren and Rika. "Ah, you're right. We should probably give them privacy then." What did she mean by that? Unfortunately, Ren couldn't figure it out by the time that Hinano and Emiri had left the house. She also had to cope with the fact that she was staying at Rika's house for the night. It was going to be the first time ever that she stayed at a friend's house so she had absolutely no idea what to do. <Just try to be comfortable. That's what's going to make Rika happy.> Comfortable... comfortable would be taking a long walk in the middle of the night so that she could go process her thoughts and the events of the day. Unfortunately, Ren's leg prevented that, and she was also certain that Rika wouldn't be so keen on her walking out alone at this time. "Well," Rika finally broke the awkward silence now that they were alone, "I have a spare futon so you and Eresh can share a–" "I should use the futon," Ereshkigal said. "We shouldn't kick our host out of their bed and there'll be more room if it's you instead of me." "Well, I guess you two are pretty tall," Rika conceded. "Compared to me at least. I am pretty short." "I think... you're perfect... like you are," Ren replied. She wasn't sure why she had to say that, and felt deathly embarrassed for doing so, but she felt like it had to be said. "Oh, geez," Rika blushed and looked away. "You're so nice Ren. Anyway, the bath's ready for you Eresh and I'm gonna go check on Ren's clothes in the wash. Just shout if you guys need anything alright?" Ren was finally left alone in the room once they left. Well not truly alone. Ereshkigal was almost always available to talk with. <I thought you didn't need to sleep?> <I don't. But I can still enjoy a good nap... also someone has to occupy the futon so that Rika will use her bed.> Ren shook her head even though no one was there to see it. <I don't want to force her... if it makes her uncomfortable.> <She cares about you more than you realize, you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm not the only one that's figured that out. Just... trust in your friends.> Ren looked down at bed. She was still getting used to having friends. If this was what she needed to do... <Okay... How's the bath?> <Very nice. We should go to a hot spring if we ever have the chance.> Talking to Ereshkigal was always easy and the convenience of communication that a mental conversation had made it so that she was able to continue making small talk with Ereshkigal for some time. It was nice... having someone to confide in. Even as the Goddess finished with her bath and stepped back into the room wearing a loose nightgown, they still continued to talk. It wasn't until Rika stepped into the room again that Ren finally stopped, her mind going blank at the sight. Rika was wearing a set of pink pajamas that seemed to fit her perfectly. Her hair was let loose, free from the ribbons she usually wore, and the skin on her face and arms was still a bit pink from her bath. It was the first time Ren had ever seen her like this. Without the fancy clothes, accessories, or light makeup she applied to her face to brighten her skin and lips. This was just her in its purest form. And she was beautiful. "You're going to make me embarrassed if you keep staring at me like that," Rika said. "S-sorry," Ren quickly looked away. She tried to turn to Ereshkigal for support only to realize that the Goddess had chosen to sleep at that moment. Or pretend to at least. "We should get to sleep then, don't want to wake up Eresh," Rika commented. "Y-yea..." Ren carefully scooted over so that there would be room for Rika on the bed. Rika turned the lights off, stepped over Ereshkigal, and carefully got into bed. "Do you need more space for your leg?" "No... it's good," Ren replied as she could feel Rika shifting on her side of the bed. "Thank you... for having me today," Ren whispered. "You're welcome," Rika replied. "It's nice to have you here... I love spending time with you." "I... do too." Ren remained silent after that. So that Rika could sleep, until the sounds of her breathing slowed and she drifted off into slumber. Rika's breathing and the very warmth of her body, everything about her... it brought peace and happiness to Ren. It was different from being with Ereshkigal. It was only because of how close she was with the Goddess, that she realized that there was something different with how she felt with Rika. The solace of Rika's presence that came with nervousness, the joy of meeting that came with the anxiousness of waiting for when they could spend that time together again. Ren wanted her... to be with her more than anything else. It didn't make her a bad person at all to feel this way, to want her to herself, ... because she had found that truly precious something in front of her. That thing, that person, that embodied all the beauty that she wished to see in this world. Ren moved her hand forward. Brushing Rika's hair slightly, but nothing more than that. To do so would betray the girl's trust. Even then though she could not help the words that came out of her mouth. A light whisper that could only be heard by no one but herself, her voice finally expressing the full extent of her feelings in that moment. "I love you."
A dance of blades, the sound of wood against wood, had become a familiar scene in the halls of the school of the Kashin-ryu. At least for those that chose to stay late at night. Kitsu sidestepped a swing and tried to create some distance as she continued to avoid Nanaka's strikes. The heat of her breathing was trapped within the wood of the mask she wore, and she had to move aside several strands of her own red hair so that it wouldn't blinded her by covering the slits she used to see. That was a mistake. The second she used a hand to move aside her hair was the moment that Nanaka continued her pursuit. Kitsu cursed as she received several hard knocks on her side before she was able to take up a stance with her twin blades again. The environment, the very wood underneath her bare feet, were all things that had become very intimate to Kitsu the few weeks she had spent here. That was all she did here, rarely treading outside this building or Nanaka's home, apart from the times she went out to hunt with her group. It wasn't like she was under house arrest or anything, but it wasn't like she needed to go out either. She had a bed, food, a hot bath, and clothes and underwear that actually fit her. Time that was no longer spent on basic necessities could now be devoted to hunting Witches. Honestly getting knocked and forced to join a Magical Girl group, who honestly could be a miniature mafia considering the connections some of the girls had, wasn't the worst thing to happen to her. And she wasn't freeloading either. She did her part tearing Witches to pieces with her knife and there was still plenty of work to be done in her new residence. In the morning she would wake up and do chores. In the midday she would arrange flowers with the other students in the school. In the night she would spar with Nanaka endlessly. Hours on end without break. All without magic, without either of them having access to their Soul Gems. It was this night where Kitsu found herself pushed to the very limits of her endurance. Until her arms trembled, her breath rasped, and she could no longer hold her twin blades straight. Two blades against two. Her blades were shorter to fit her stature. By all rights Kitsu should've been faster but fighting against Nanaka felt like striking four or even six at times. It was thus inevitable when Nanaka batted the blades aside and pushed the bokken against Kitsu's chest. "Dead," was all the Magical Girl said before sheathing her blades and taking three steps back. With the session now ended, Kitsu had all of five minutes to pick herself up, catch her breath, and prepare herself for meditation. Nanaka was hardcore. Seriously. She did not know how to hold back at all. "You've improved," Nanaka commented. "Gotten rid of some of your bad habits, though I have to wonder how you learned to fight like that in the first place. It isn't something you picked up on the streets, no it's clearly intentional. The way you fight with little regard to your own safety." Kitsu closed her eyes and steadied her breathing.
<"My Master says I'm suicidal, and I might be in a way," a man in red and black admitted as they watched two Magical Girls, one in yellow and the other in red, spar in front of them. "But not in the way I fight. Battle for me is a flow of initiative and anticipation. Making the first move, countering my opponent, and adapting accordingly to their tactics. Most Witches are highly aggressive and leave themselves open to attack so there is usually no point in me going on the defensive."> <They watched as a pair of Magical Girls sparred. One Red one Yellow. The Red one tried to close the distance with her spear, only to be grabbed by the leg by a yellow ribbon and flung away. She was then forced to try and deflect the near deafening barrage of bullets the Yellow one shot, all while midair.> <"With a highly aggressive opponent like your sister it would be best to go back to basic martial arts. Bait her with several openings in your defense, anticipate where she'll strike once you've led her, then counter accordingly."> <The Red Magical Girl cut the ribbon off her foot, landed heavily on her feet, and quickly somersaulted into cover. She barely made it as everything in her area was overwhelmed by a barrage of bullets.> <"With a ranged fighter like Mami charging at them head on is suicide. They're used to that and even if you have enough power to weather their barrage, they'll likely have tricks up their sleeves to avoid that. Your best bet would be to approach unseen."> <The Yellow Magical Girl stopped firing for a brief moment as the dust settled. A segmented whip flew from the rubble, which she jumped over with ease.> <"And failing that, at least striking from a different angle than that. Of course she'll know your chain is coming when you throw it in front of her," Avyn grumbled.>
"I learned from watching someone else," Kitsu admitted as she opened her eyes and adjusted her mask. "A man?" Nanaka asked. "With such a style? I wouldn't imagine it would be accepted in any dojo or competition." "It isn't. He used it to fight... and kill." "For what purpose?" "He wanted to be a Hero of Justice, but that destroyed him. Now–" Kitsu couldn't shake off the image of long red hair in her mind. Of a cocky smile with an exposed fang. "He serves a Master. Doing whatever it takes to keep her safe." "How can he protect someone if he can't even protect himself?" "He doesn't fight like that all the time, it's just the one style I had learned from him before... I left." Kitsu had no choice but to look away as Nanaka appraised her. Even past the glasses it felt as if the girl was looking into her very being. "And do you care for your own life?" Nanaka asked. "I understand the application for it against certain opponents. But you've stubbornly stuck to it, even when it is clearly unsuited for your current opponent." "All that matters to me is vengeance." "To who?" "The Incubator... and the Witches. I won't stop until they're all dead." "Or you die in the process." "Yes." Nanaka shook her head. "Who trained him?" "No one. He taught himself. Fighting on one battlefield after another. Surviving... learning from each of his mistakes." "That is not a blade born of skill then, but from will alone. Something you tried to replicate. Tell me how well is it working for you now? How well did it serve you on that night we had our first duel?" "It worked fine!" Kitsu shouted. "I lived, killed so many Witches. Fought off a bunch of Magical Girls that wanted my Grief Seeds. Lasted longer than them." "What you went through... that could not be considered living. You survived on vengeance alone. That is not enough." "Like you can talk! Didn't you recruit me so I could help you with your vengeance?" "Vengeance, Justice, all pursuits that I have chosen to pursue, that those who follow me know so doing that. But I have not lost sight of who I am, nor will I ever allow myself to. Vengeance without pride, without value with oneself, it simply makes you a rabid animal, lashing out at the world." Nanaka crossed her arms. "That man, all you received from him is a pair of rusted dull blades. There is little that you learn from admiring that." "He isn't weak! He's strong. So much stronger than I am..." Kitsu Projected a knife and looked at it in her hands. "I'm just not as good as him. I don't think I ever will be." "I never said he was weak. To fight and live with those blades is an achievement in itself. For him, I imagine that it was a necessity for him to fight and learn in that way, lacking guidance as he was. A man with no one to teach him... yet who can still stand through sheer will alone. That is something to admire," Nanaka admitted. "But you have mentors, you have skill. You don't have to use the same rusted blades that he does, doing so only puts the talent that you do have to waste." Kitsu saw her reflection in the knife. She saw herself lying on a tiled kitchen floor, a blood-soaked face, and more of it pouring around her. Her blades, their very purpose was to kill monsters. Was that really something that she could take pride in? "Avyn said I should learn from others first before I ever started fighting Witches," Kitsu commented as she let the World destroy her creation. "That I should be a student for as long as I could." "You should have listened to him. In the end, what's important is to make the most of everything that's available to you. There is no shame in having what others don't if you don't waste it." On one hand Kitsu knew that Nanaka was probably right, on the other hand though it was just hard to just give up on what she had taught herself over the last few years. Old habits die hard, especially ones that she had invested so much of her time into developing. "Keep that in mind," Nanaka said as she moved to put away their training weapons. "Now take a bath and head to bed early. We have something to do tomorrow." "You found another Witch that your enemy manipulated?" Kitsu asked. Apparently, whoever Nanaka and her friends were pursuing had the ability to send Witches to mess with all of their lives. Whether it was magic that allowed for direct control or just significant manipulation of a Witch's movements was yet to be seen, but whoever it was probably very dangerous. Nanaka shook her head. "You've been training and hunting nonstop for the last few weeks. When was the last time you took a day off?" Kitsu paused. Huh. When was the last time she had taken a day off? "And that is why you will be joining us tomorrow. No hunting, no training, and no chores. Magical Girls still need to rest to restore our minds and spirit." "What are we going to do then?" Kitsu asked. "You'll be spending time connecting and talking with your peers."
"Wow, you're really committed to wearing that mask," Akira commented as Nanaka's group, with Kitsu in tow, made their way toward whatever Nanaka had planned. "It stays on," Kitsu replied curtly. The only time it ever came off was in the bath and she might as well be naked if she didn't have it on her face. She didn't care how many strange looks she got from the people on the streets. "Does it have to be that one?" Kako asked. "No," Kitsu admitted. The mask that was dearest to her was the one that came with her transformation. Anything else she wore outside of her transformation was simply something she had purchased or picked up. "Then maybe we can buy you a new one?" Kako suggested as she gestured toward a shop that had traditional kimonos and masks on its display. "The one you're wearing looks really old. I'm worried it might break or get moldy." "... I could use a new mask," Kitsu conceded. "But only if it looks nice." They took a quick detour to step into the store and browse the wares. It was a small store but none of the things that were sold looked mass produced. An artisan store, each one was handcrafted with great care and had a lofty price tag to match that labor. It wasn't long until Meiyui had picked one out and held it out to Kitsu. "What about this one?" Kitsu looked at it carefully. It was another fox mask, like the one that she wore as a Magical Girl, but still strikingly different. The colors on this one was bright rather than subdued, the patterns on it hand carved with great care, and the wood was of an incredible quality. It wasn't some cheap thing you picked up at a festival stall, this was the creation of craftsmen well devoted to their art. It was perfect, unfortunately Kitsu's savings amounted to four hundred and twenty-six yen in her back pocket. No wait, make that four hundred and thirty-one, she had found five yen while crossing the street. "Can't afford that," Kitsu shook her head. "Do you like it though?" Meiyui asked. "Yes, but I can't buy–" Kitsu didn't even get to finish her sentence before Meiyui walked up to the register and paid for the mask with a significantly large bill. "Here," Meiyui said as she handed it to Kitsu. "You've been working hard. You deserve to treat yourself once in a while." "Thanks..." Kitsu held the mask in her hands. It had been a long time since she had been given a gift. She wasn't entirely sure what else to say. "Are you going to try it on?" Nanaka asked. "S-sure," Kitsu quickly recovered and made her way to the changing room. She made sure the curtain was closed and had absolute privacy before taking off her old mask. She looked in the mirror, saw her face once more. She was less skinny now, a bit more food in her body, and her red hair was starting to look good again thanks to the daily baths she had the luxury of taking. She was going to miss all that, once she was done with what she promised them and went on her way. Kitsu set her old mask aside, worn and cracked as it was, and put on the new one. It was good. It made her feel... confident. She stepped outside the changing room for all of them to see. "... What do you think?" She knew it looked good... but it was nice to have a second opinion. Akira gave her a thumbs up. "Looks great." "It's really pretty," Kako replied. "Thanks," Kitsu replied, a bit... happy at their praise. Not too happy though. No point in getting attached to people she was going to leave soon enough. "Where are we going next?" she asked as they walked out of the store. "You'll see soon enough," Nanaka replied. Eventually they arrived at a rather nondescript building in the middle of a fairly quiet district. There was a very distinct and colorful sign hanging on the entrance. "Emiri's Counseling Clinic?" Kitsu asked. "I work here sometimes," Akira commented. "It's a good place to relax and Emiri is a great person to talk about your problems with." "It's also a good place to gather information among a gathering of Magical Girls," Nanaka said as they stepped inside. "Hey there Akiri!" a bright blonde-haired girl with large pigtails greeted. "Ooh I see you got a new girl in your group!" "This is Kitsu," Nanaka introduced Kitsu to the Magical Girls that had already gathered in the room. Kitsu simply bowed her head politely before taking a seat on one of the many couches that filled the room. "That's a cool mask you're wearing," Emiri commented. "Thanks," Kitsu commented as she put a hand to her mask and took a seat on a couch. "It was a gift." It wasn't long before Nanaka's group quickly integrated themselves with the Magical Girls already in the room. There were quite a lot of them once they were all gathered together, and it was surprising to see that they could be so peaceful. The last time Kitsu had seen a gathering of Magical Girls this large was over a dispute over territory that didn't go so well. Well, it went well enough for her, plenty of supplies to scavenge from the corpses after that particular bloodbath. Kitsu was more or less content on sitting to the side in silence and just listening in to their conversation when Emiri suddenly took a seat across from her. "You wanna come over with the rest of us?" Emiri asked. "It's suuuper fun, hanging out with all of them." "I'm fine," Kitsu replied. "Ok... So do you wear masks all the time or is this just a one-time thing?" "I always wear a mask." "Why?" "I feel weird about it," Kitsu admitted. "Is that because you don't want others to see your face?" "Yes..." "Is it because of something that happened to you?" Ok, Kitsu was starting to see why Magical Girls came to this Counseling Clinic. She turned her head and glared at Nanaka, who was busy making polite talk with the other girls. And she now realized why she had been brought here in the first place. "Something did happen," Kitsu eventually replied. "But I don't want to say it." "That's fine," Emiri replied cheerfully. "Just do what makes you feel comfortable. You're not the first quiet person we brought here. Ren over there, the one with the white hair, she's super quiet but also really nice. I can introduce you two if you'd like." "No, it's fine," Kitsu interrupted her. "I don't need to meet anyone new. I'm just going to get my work done here and leave the city." "Aren't you a part of Nanaka's group?" Emiri asked. "They just need me for a job. Once it's done, I'll be heading on my way." "Really?" Emiri asked. "I think Nanaka and her friends would miss you. And it's not easy being a Magical Girl by yourself." "I've been myself for the last few years. I can handle it." Emiri clasped her hands and looked at her carefully. The smile was still on her face, but it felt like her eyes were appraising Kitsu's every action. "What about your family?" "Don't have one?" "You've been living alone. On the streets?" "Yea..." "How old are you?" "Why do you want to know?" "I'm thirteen," Emiri replied cheerfully. She definitely didn't look thirteen. She should've been much older than that. "I don't believe you." "Well, I am. And Hinano over there," Emiri pointed to a diminutive green haired girl who was saying something to Kako, "Is eighteen." "Woah," Kitsu couldn't help remark. "That's crazy." "We're all Magical Girls here, so it doesn't matter how young we are when we go hunt Witches," Emiri said. "... I'm eleven. I think." "Wow you're so young." "I thought you said that didn't matter." "I mean you're so responsible and cool hunting Witches by yourself," Emiri said. "But do you really have to be on the streets to do that?" "I can handle it," Kitsu replied. "But do you need to? Even after you finish whatever job Nanaka has you doing I'm sure they'll let you keep staying at her place... She is letting you stay at her place, right?" "... Yes." "Then why do you have to make it, like, so hard for yourself? You can be super comfortable and still do what you need to do." "People," Kitsu looked down on the floor. "Other people are better off without me." "Did they tell you that? Or is that something you decided for yourself?" Kitsu couldn't say anything even though she knew the answer to that. "You know," Emiri continued, "I heard that Magical Girls fight a lot for territory outside of Kamihama, but we don't do that here. There's like lot of nice people. Super nice people you can talk to and can help you out. People come here all the time and are like, wow I feel so much better already!" "What do you mean?" Kitsu asked. "I'm just saying that you don't have to do it alone. You have so many friends here, and they could need you. We need a lot of Magical Girls to deal with the Witches. There's like so many of them here and they're all really tough." The Witches here were tough and Kitsu still hadn't tracked down that one Witch that disguised itself as a white-haired Magical Girl. If there were any more like that in this city... "I just want to kill as many Witches as I can," Kitsu replied. "If the Magical Girls don't fight me... then I guess I can help." "So, you're going to be sticking around then?" Emiri asked, expectantly. "... I'll think about it." "Great! Kamihama's an awesome place to live apart from all the Witches. We can show you around the place when you have the time." "Thanks." "So... Do you want me to introduce you to some of the girls here? They're really excited to talk with you." Kitsu glanced at the group of Magical Girls. "Maybe later." She had enough people asking about her for the day. Besides there was one particular person that she wanted to speak with at the moment. "Okay," Emiri replied as she stood up. "Don't be a stranger then, you're welcome here anytime!" she said before joining the group. With Emiri gone, that gave Kitsu the chance to glare at Nanaka as she took her place. "You set me up," Kitsu growled, or at least did her best to. Hard to with her voice starting to crack. Nanaka nodded. "Talking with Emiri was good for you. Wasn't it?" "What do you really want from me? Why put me through that?" "For my revenge," Nanaka turned to the rest of her group who were making small talk with the others. "Why me?" "Because you are a friend. I knew the second I saw you." Kitsu narrowed her eyes. "You told me that your magic allows you to discern your true enemy. What does it actually do?" Nanaka made it a point to turn her head and look at every single person in the room before turning back to Kitsu. "Why don't we take a walk, just you and I? It'll be a chance for us to truly understand one another."
Kitsu followed Nanaka closely as they walked along the boardwalk next to a lake. She kept a hand on her Soul Gem, ready to transform at any time if needed. She didn't know what Nanaka wanted now or what she was going to do, so it was best to be prepared. They walked for some time, the bright light of the afternoon sun bearing down on them. It was bright and might've been a bit too much if they were still human. As it was, the majority of the people around them had already retreated into the shade, isolating them despite how busy the rest of the area was. Eventually Nanaka stopped, far out of the earshot of anyone else, and stood serenely as she turned toward the lake. "With a single glance of a person I can know whether they are friend or foe towards reaching my goals," Nanaka said. "I'm useful," Kitsu squinted her eyes. "That's why you wanted to recruit me so much." "Yes," Nanaka admitted. "I knew I would need you the second I met you. It was the same for the rest of them." "... You're using them. Kako, Akira, Meiyui, they're all useful to you too," Kitsu realized. "You aren't friends at all." "We are not actually a group," Nanaka replied in stride. "Rather an alliance that helps each other out of mutual benefit. We agree to act as equals." "You're the leader though. Even though they don't say it." It didn't take long to figure that out if you watched them long enough. "You might as well be the one controlling them... You make them do whatever you want." "What do you know about Soul Gems?" Nanaka suddenly asked. Kitsu paused and looked at Nanaka carefully. "Enough." "They're who we are now. Our life is tied to them. Our souls no longer reside in our bodies." "... I know." Of course, she knew. It was one part of the curse she chose to bear in order to have her wish granted. "I haven't told them yet," Nanaka admitted. "I still wish to see their worth." "You don't trust them," Kitsu replied. "I trust who they are as people, but whether or not they are capable enough to handle what comes in the future is what I'm uncertain about." "And me?" Nanaka turned back and looked at Kitsu. "You're proven yourself capable despite your inexperience and I trust that you will not say anything that needs to be said." Kitsu crossed her arms. "I can keep a secret, but why would I work for you? You're hiding the truth from them. Keeping secrets. Just so you can manipulate them. Why would I let you do the same to me?" "Because we're useful to one another. That is why I formed this group in the first place. And even then, it doesn't mean we can't get along. I do find their company pleasant." "That doesn't change the reason why you're with them in the first place." Kitsu glared. "What's going to happen to them once they're no longer useful? If they stop wanting to work with you?" "Then we'll go our separate ways," Nanaka replied casually. "Though I don't imagine that will happen anytime soon, so long as they agree we have a common enemy." "What about me? Nothing stopping me from leaving once I finish my deal with you." "I learned the truth of Soul Gems from Akira, after reuniting her Soul Gem with her dead body," Nanaka suddenly replied. "I was the reason Kako Contracted, determined as she was to assist me in battling a Witch. As for Meiyui, I had Kako and Akira help me to get in contact with her. I have worked tirelessly to gather my allies and have put much effort into helping them grow. You can be rest assured that I will not abandon them or callously toss them aside even if they are no longer as useful to me. You can be among them; if you wish." "You're terrible," Kitsu commented. There wasn't much else to say... Nanaka was just a horrible person. "I am simply gathering the determination of Magical Girls for the right moment, so that we can destroy our true enemy." "We don't share an enemy. That Magical Girl controlling Witches doesn't have anything to do with me." "Are you certain?" Nanaka asked. "Was there ever a time the movements of a Witch had become strange, as if targeting you specifically?" "No. There hasn't... been..." Kitsu froze. All those years ago. When she had been left alone at Mami's apartment. When... Avyn had to go fight off that Witch, giving Oriko the perfect chance to talk with her. But it couldn't be. That wasn't possible. But if Oriko could truly see the future and could get the help of someone with that sort of ability. If all of this had been planned from the start... "But she isn't our true enemy," Nanaka continued. "Just simply the one who instigated our gathering. I should thank her for that, even though I still must exact my vengeance on her for how she nearly ruined my family." "Who is it then?" Kitsu couldn't help but ask. At this point, with all that Nanaka had told her, she had to know. "Who is our true enemy?" "The one responsible for creating Magical Girls." Nanaka smiled, elegant and serene as always. It was only now that Kitsu understood what lay behind that mask. Or maybe that wasn't a mask, that was just a part of who she was all along. Someone who saw nothing wrong with her actions. "The Incubator."
Cheese. A simple slice of processed cheese. A good part of it wasn't even cheese, just some processed product, but even then just looking at those slices in front of her caused Nagisa's mouth to water. All neatly stacked in front of her. All she would have to do was grab the stack and stuff it into her mouth. Cheese, plastic, and all of it, and she would go through a moment of sheer bliss. "Nagisa, please pack up two Order Thirteens!" "Okay," Nagisa replied, the sound of Riko's voice bringing her out of her stupor. No! Don't eat the cheese. Riko needed it for the customers! Nagisa quickly went to the back of the small stand they had, grabbed two empty bento boxes, and began filling them with the required food. Once they were filled, she handed them to Riko at the register and went back to sorting the cheese as requested. It had been weeks since Nagisa had met Riko and during that time she had become a frequent visitor to her home. She ended up sleeping more nights there than not, something which she was incredibly grateful for. It was nice to have a friend and a place to sleep whenever she got tired from her mission. It was also why she was so eager to agree when Riko asked for help in running her family's stand while her parents were away. Which also happened more often than not. Riko's parents were gone a lot, busy with work, leaving their daughter alone at home or running their Bento shop. It made it easy for Nagisa to stay over the night whenever she felt like it, which was more often than not. Riko's home was a nice reprieve whenever Nagisa was tired from her mission. Riko was fun to be with and her dog, Mameji, was the cutest doggy ever. Just thinking about burying her face in his soft bushy fur was enough to take Nagisa's mind off of eating the cheese. Almost. Nagisa brought the completed orders to the front, ignoring the pink Kyubey watching her just out of sight through a nearby window, and handed it out to Riko as she greeted an older girl with blonde hair and pink highlights. That wasn't that strange in itself, seriously Nagisa had white hair she couldn't judge, but things did get weird when the girl started speaking. "Oh my god. You got an assistant Riko? You two are so Kawaii! What's your name?" Nagisa blinked blankly at the girl before turning to Riko. "This is Ashley," Riko introduced the blonde girl. "She's a transfer student from America, so her Japanese might be a bit different." Ah, that explained it. Sayaka had joked about those types before. What were they called? Weaboos? "Welcome to Japan," Nagisa decided to bow her head politely to the enthusiastic, if not eccentric, foreigner. "Oh wow, you really are cute." Ashley turned to Riko. "We should really take her to that accessory shop you showed me. I can already imagine so many things that would look great on her! Oh, maybe a Gurokawa theme to match her white hair!" "Gurokawa?" Nagisa asked. "Combining cute and creepy together," Riko replied. "Ashley explained it to me." Oh, well then Charlotte would certainly know a lot about that. "She's also a really strong Magical Girl too," Riko said. "She helped me out more than once." "You're the impressive one," Ashley replied. "You're so young and yet you're taking charge of your family's shop while they're away and you hunt Witches alone." "Isn't that dangerous?" Nagisa asked. "Don't you go out alone a lot too?" Riko replied. That was different. Riko didn't have a hungry Witch to chomp down on any other Witch that might give her trouble. Of course, they didn't know that. "Hunting by myself was scary at first when I first became a Magical Girl," Riko admitted. "But I'm a big girl now. I can take care of myself; you don't have to worry about me Nagisa." Well, Riko was reliable for the most part. If she said that she could handle it then she probably could. "Why don't you two hunt Witches together sometime?" Ashley asked. "Actually, the three of us could go together sometimes." "I'd be happy to," Riko turned to Nagisa, "but Nagisa..." "I'm a little busy. There's a mission I have that I have to fulfill," Nagisa replied. "Ooh, what sort of mission?" Ashley asked. Nagisa looked around to make sure that no one else was listening before leaning in so that the others could hear her whispers. "I've got to figure out what's making this city so weird." There were other parts of her mission, mainly figuring out why this Record was outside the Law of Cycles influence, but that was super top secret. Even more secret than what she had just told them. "You know there are a lot of other girls trying to figure that out too," Ashley whispered back. "Emiri told me that they're fighting with this group called the Wings of Magius." Wings of Magius? That was a weird name. "What are they about?" "Don't know much, but I heard they've been going on about helping Magical Girls. "Do you know where I can find them?" Nagisa asked. Ashley was giving her more information than she could gather in a week, though it might be because the Pyotrs could get easily distracted whenever she sent them out. "I don't know where their base is, but you can look for Magical Girls wearing black and white hoods. Apparently, they don't like revealing their identities because of whatever it is they're doing." Huh. A hood to hide her identity might actually be a good idea. That way Nagisa could bring out Charlotte in front of other people and not have them try and hunt her down after she took off her disguise. "Are you sure you can handle this?" Riko asked. "This sounds dangerous." "I'm a big girl now, I can handle it." "Excuse me." All three girls yelped as they turned and found that another customer had come while they were all whispering to each other. "Hi Tsukasa!" Riko greeted the girl once she composed herself. "Here to pick up your dad's order?" "Yea, same as usual," Tsukasa replied with a smile. "And also a fried chicken bento for me." "Nagisa one fried chicken bento please!" Tsukasa looked curiously at Nagisa. "You hired someone new?" "I'm just helping out, today. Riko's been a big help to me," Nagisa said as she began to prepare Tsukasa's order. "So, you made a new friend then," Tsukasa commented to Riko. "Yep!" Hearing that made Nagisa... bubbly on the inside. She didn't really have any friends back when she was human. "I'm Ashley, I'm their friend too!" Ashley introduced herself. "Tsukasa Amane, it's nice to meet you," Tsukasa introduced herself. "What were you three talking about anyway? You all looked really into it." "We were just talking about this group called the Magius. Nagisa was really curious about them." So apparently Tsukasa was a Magical Girl too. Small world. As Nagisa handed the order over to the Magical Girl she noticed that the girl suddenly had a strange look on her face. "Why are you asking about the Magius?" Tsukasa asked Nagisa. "Apparently Nagisa has a secret mission to figure out why there are so many weird things happening in this city," Ashley whispered. "It's super important to her." "Who... exactly put you up to this?" Tsukasa asked. "It's a secret," Nagisa replied as Riko nodded in agreement. "Don't worry though. It's for the good of the world!" "Wow you really are ambitious," Ashley commented. "Good luck saving the world!" "Oh, nothing like that. I'm just doing my part to make it better," Nagisa said smugly. "Um... good luck with that," Tsukasa replied hesitantly. "Thanks for always coming here," Riko said as she handed over the girl's change. "Anytime! The food here is delicious and always re-energizes me!" Tsukasa turned to Nagisa. "And maybe you should avoid messing with the Magius. Things could get pretty dangerous if you do." With that Tsukasa left, leaving Nagisa to mull over her words. Nagisa didn't mull much though. She was sure that she could handle whatever the Magius were doing.
Nagisa sighed as she sat on top of a roof and snacked on a piece of string cheese. Another day and Nagisa was having no luck in locating any of the Magius. And now the Pink Kyubey was looking at her in silent disappointment. Why exactly did the Goddess use that thing to guide her again? It wasn't like she wasn't trying either. But anytime she ran into anything remotely suspicious it was just another of those Witches. Well, the good news was that she had plenty of Grief Seeds on her now... Seeds that she couldn't exactly use. Maybe she could give some to Riko? She always just seemed so busy; maybe not having to hunt so much would let her take a break. "Where are these Magius?" Nagisa sighed as she laid down and brought a Pyotr out so that she could pet it while it rested on belly. "We're all working so hard and we can't find a single one." Her familiar remained silent and simply snuggled up against her belly. They never were much good for talking, as cuddly as they were. Still better than that Pink Kyubey, which never gave her a straight answer. "You know Pyotr." Nagisa lifted her familiar with her hands and held it in the air. "I've always wondered why the Law of Cycles chose me." Pyotr stopped squirming and looked at her curiously. "There are a lot of Magical Girls she could've chosen as her stewards. Older, tougher, stronger than me when they were still alive." Pyotr rotated its head and began wagging its tail. "I wasn't even a Magical Girl for a whole day before I turned... So why me? I mean I'm glad she has me doing stuff, but why?" Pyotr suddenly became alert and jerked its head forward. Nagisa bent her head back and saw that there were now several Magical Girls wearing black hoods on the rooftop with her. "Are you playing with a familiar?" one of the girls asked. "Oh, uh..." Nagisa sat up and casually threw Pyotr off the roof. It'd be fine. Probably. "No?" "That was a familiar." "No, it wasn't," Nagisa denied again. "Can you control them?" Another girl asked. "Are you able to use a Witch's power without turning?" Technically she was still a Witch, but she probably didn't think it was a good idea to say that. "Who are you?" Nagisa asked instead. "We are the Wings of the Magius." "The Magius!" Nagisa quickly sprung up onto her feet which caused them all to tense despite them all being taller than her. "I've been looking for you!" "... Do you wish to join us?" "I dunno, I was just sorta curious about you guys," Nagisa admitted. "Maybe I'll decide once you show me what you guys do?" She wasn't lying either. If what they did would help support the Law of Cycles then there would be no issue helping them. If it didn't... well she would just have to give them a light beating. "... Follow us then. We'll introduce you to some of our leaders."
The hooded girls, Black Feathers they called themselves, would eventually lead Nagisa to an abandoned building. That made Nagisa a bit uncomfortable. She didn't exactly have good experiences with those. Still, she marched on to the doorway they pointed to and once she was inside found that there were at least ten or so Magical Girls already inside. What stood out the most were the two in White hoods addressing the rest of them. They were noticeable and it wasn't because they were the leaders or that their robes were much brighter. It was because Nagisa knew one of them. "Tsukasa! I didn't know you were part of the Magius." Tsukasa turned to Nagisa with a confused look on her face. "How do you know Tsukasa?" "Aren't you Tsukasa?" Nagisa asked, confused. "I'm Tsukasa." Wait what? Nagisa turned her head and finally noticed the second Tsukasa standing to the side. She looked back and forth between them. "Tsukasa you have a clone!?" "No, that's my sister," Tsukasa? Sighed. "And that's Tsukasa, I'm Tsukuyo." "Oh..." Nagisa looked at the two closely and noticed that there were some slight differences between them. "Yea, your breasts are bigger than hers." "Why does everyone need to bring that up," Tsukasa grumbled before walking up to Nagisa. "And what are you doing here?" "I told you! Investigating the Magius!" Nagisa replied cheerfully. "I would've asked you to show me around if I knew you were one of them." "We saw her playing with a familiar," one of the Black Feathers that brought Nagisa here commented. "It was placated and was able to exist outside of a labyrinth." "Nagisa, does your magic allow you to control familiars?" Tsukasa asked. Nagisa shook her head. "No. I can blow bubbles though." "Bubbles?" "They explode." "Okay then," Tsukasa glanced at Tsukuyo and they both shook their heads. "Do you know the truth about Magical Girls?" Nagisa did. She turned to look at the Magical Girls around her. But it wasn't usually a good idea to tell people without warning. They tended to react... badly. Especially in a world outside the saving influence of the Law of Cycles. "We all know the truth," another Black Feather spoke. "That we all become Witches. It was why we joined the Magius. For protection and salvation from this fate." "Oh, ok then," Nagisa nodded. "I know we all become Witches." "You seem rather calm about it," Tsukuyo commented. "Is it because you no longer have to fear that fate?" "Right?" Tsukasa said. "Right," Tsukuyo replied. "To summon and control a familiar, it must mean you achieved a Doppel," Tsukasa said. Nagisa tilted her head in confusion. "Doppel? What's that?" "It is a manifestation of our Witch," one twin said. "Our despair taken form. Coursing through our bodies rather than our Soul," the other said. "It is proof that we can be saved." "That Magical Girls can escape their fate." "So, you found a way to save Magical Girls once they become Witches?" Nagisa asked. Huh and here she thought that only the Law of Cycles could pull off that. "No, it only prevents that process by forcing a partial manifestation of it and cleansing the Soul Gem in the process," Tsukasa replied. "You would have access to it too, if you're able to use the power of a Witch. Right?" Tsukuyo asked. "Right." Tsukasa replied. "Could you show us that power? The one that allowed you to control your familiar?" Well, if that wasn't that much of a secret anymore. Nagisa covered her face with her hands, lifted her head up, and popped her hands open. The Black Feathers jumped back and the Twins flinched as Charlotte revealed her face to them. Charlotte then opened her mouth, showed her many sharp teeth to the Magical Girls, and then barfed out a Pyotr onto the floor. The familiar began to clumsily pick itself up as Nagisa reverted the transformation and her face returned to normal. "Pyotr's are a bit clumsy and are easily distracted," Nagisa commented as she picked up her familiar and began to pet it in her arms. "But they work hard. And I have a lot of them." "I've never seen such fine control of a Doppel," Tsukuyo commented. "To be able to call upon that power and dismiss it so easily, and without losing any control." Technically it wasn't a Doppel. Nagisa was just a fully evolved Witch, but that was a detail that she should probably keep to herself. "We could definitely use your help," Tsukasa said. "The Doppel system is still incomplete, and we need to find a way to expand it so that it isn't just limited to this city." "Ok," Nagisa agreed. "What do you need me to do?" "We'll take you to our founders first. They'll be interested to see how well you can control your Doppel. Then they'll probably have you assigned to a squad to gather Grief Seeds or protect an Uwasa." Wait a second. "Aren't Uwasa those weird things that aren't Witches that also hurt people?" Nagisa asked. One of the twins froze. "They do bu–" "Doesn't that make them bad then?" "We need to protect them because they're necessary for the Magius's plan." "So, you need to protect Uwasa to stop Magical Girls from becoming Witches?" Nagisa asked. "Yes." "Doesn't that make the Magius bad? We shouldn't be hurting people. Especially if they aren't involved." That was what The Law of Cycles and Sayaka would tell her at least. Sayaka would definitely be mad at getting innocents involved. "It's a price we have to pay for salvation," Tsukuyo said. "The lives of a few to save every Magical Girl, now and in the future!" "You have to accept this if you want to be a part of the Magius," Tsukasa said. "... Then maybe I don't want to be a Magius then." As Nagisa finished, she noticed the Black Feathers moving to surround her. The twins likewise took stances in front of her to block her way. "We can't just let you go away," Tsukuyo said. "Not when you know so much and have such control over your Doppel." "We'll bring you to our HQ. The founders will need to see you and your Doppel and you'll be kept there so that you won't get in the way of our plans." The twins took out a pair of flutes and held them to their sides. "I know you're Riko's friend and I don't want to hurt you. Just come with us peacefully and we'll make sure you're comfortable while you're staying with us." Nagisa blinked, looked at the twins, blinked again, looked at the Black Feathers behind her, and then looked down at her familiar. "Sorry about this," she said before throwing Pyotr into Tsukasa's face. "Tsukasa!" Tsukuyo shouted as she desperately tried to pull the panicking familiar off the struggling Magical Girl. "Get her!" One of the black feathers shouted. Chains immediately flew from their robes in an attempt to bind and capture Nagisa. Nagisa simply ducked under one, slapped away another with her trumpet, and then brought her weapon to her mouth. She blew and bubbles emerged from the end to quickly cover the battlefield. "No you don't!" Tsukuyo shouted as she stopped helping her sister briefly in order to bring her flute to her mouth. She blew a note that began to push away the bubbles. Or at least that was her intent. Instead they exploded, peppering the area with fire, debris, and smoke that covered the entire battlefield. Nagisa ran under the cover of that smoke and was already out the front by the time a Black Feather shouted. "She's getting away!" Nagisa sprinted, blew out several bubbles, and used those as platforms so that she could get to a rooftop. "Well, I don't think that went so well," she said as she summoned her familiars and sent to slow down the Magical Girls chasing her. She then noticed the Pink Kyubey observing events from a distance. "I know, I'll try to get away." She couldn't really stay and fight. Even Charlotte would have issues with that many Magical Girls fighting her. Also, Riko liked Tsukasa. Probably best not to eat her and her twin sister. Even if they would be pretty tasty. Nagisa jumped over a chain, used her small frame to run on top of it, and then slammed her trumpet down on the Black Feather holding the other end. As the Black Feather fell unconscious Nagisa yanked the chain out of the girl's hands and then swung and hooked it onto another building so she could swing across. These chains weren't actually Magical Girl weapons, so they didn't disappear upon their users' defeat. Also, Nagisa always wanted to try swinging on a rope like she saw in the movies. At the apex of her swing, she released the other end of the chain, flinging herself high up into the air. She went high above the pursuing Black Feathers. They only had a brief moment to stare in shock before Nagisa swung the chain around and used that to bind two of them together. Pretty good weapons, Nagisa mused as she let go of the chain and continued running. She would have to see if she could get the Goddess to make her one of those. Thankfully the Black Feathers she took care of seemed to be the fastest of the bunch, so it didn't take much more running before she ended up losing the rest. Still, she wasn't taking any chances, not after that one Masked Magical Girl ambushed her through a concrete wall, so Nagisa continued to run well into the night.
After making sure to loop around to make sure she had lost the Magius completely, Nagisa landed in front of Riko's home. "Well, at least I learned that the Magius are making this city weird," she said to herself as she undid her transformation and entered the front door with the guest key that Riko had given her. The house was empty, except for the dog, which wasn't unusual considering that Riko's parents were often busy and that Riko liked to go hunt by herself during the night. "Bark!" Mameji greeted her from where he sat on the center of the three-person couch Nagisa simply took off her shoes and sat down to the right of the doggy so she could bury her face in its fur. What a cute fluffy doggy. Nagisa had wished she could have had one of these in her previous life. At least she wouldn't have been lonely at home all the time. It wasn't long before Riko came home, though her hair was a bit singed, and her arms looked a bit bruised. "Are you ok?" Nagisa asked as Mameji whined at Riko in worry. "I'm fine. It was a bit scary, but I was able to kill the Witch," Riko said as she took a seat next to the left of Mameji and began to heal her own wounds. "The Witches here are weak compared to the rest of the city, if I can't do this by myself then I won't be a good Magical Girl." Riko was already much better than Nagisa had ever been, considering she actually lived after her first day fighting a Witch. They would've been about the same age but Riko was always so mature. Running her family store by herself, staying at home by herself, and hunting by herself. And it wasn't because her parents were bad either. Nagisa had been afraid that they were neglectful at first, much like her own mother had been, but it only took a bit of watching to learn that they loved their daughter. They were just really busy trying to give her a good life. For some reason thinking about all of that made Nagisa's stomach grumble a little, and she wasn't even hungry. "So, did you find the Magius?" Riko asked once she finished healing her wounds and began stroking Mameji's fur. "I did," Nagisa replied as she began to scratch under Mameji's neck. "I think they're bad though. They're protecting the Uwasa even though they hurt people." "That's terrible," Riko shook her head. "We can't let them do that." "I know," Nagisa sighed as she leaned back on the couch and stretched her arms. "That's why I had to run away. They're going to be after me now." "Do you need help?" "No. You're already super busy and I don't want them chasing you too." "What are you going to do now then?" Riko asked. Nagisa began to think about it. She still didn't know where their base was or where they would show up. They also had a lot of people in their group. More than she could handle, especially if they ganged up on her all at once. The only thing that she knew for certain was that they would protect the Uwasa. And if there were a lot of Uwasa that meant they would have to spread themselves out in order to protect them all. There really was only one option at the point then. "I think I'm going to go hunt down some Uwasa."
"It's been a while since we did this," Ayuka said as she scrubbed Yuna's hair in the shower. After five days Yuna had started walking around again and she would make a full recovery soon enough, according to Avyn. After everything that had happened, hearing that news and seeing Yuna active again, it filled Ayuka with relief. Unfortunately, that relief didn't take away the anxiety Ayuka felt over when and how they were going to tell Yuna that they were leaving her here. Maybe that was another reason why she enjoyed this. Because it would be one of the few times they could spend before she left, and it would be a while before they'd be reunited. <If you live to that point.> Ayuka made sure to ignore the intrusive voice in her head as she pushed Yuna's hair aside so she could get it at the roots. With how long Yuna had spent in bed, a deep cleaning was needed. Once she started exposing Yuna's scalp though, Ayuka saw it. A white hair. A single strand of hair that had become white at the roots. Something that you wouldn't notice unless you were up close like she was, but it was there. Magical Circuits produced heat. Overusing them puts a strain on the body and those who pushed past their means constantly would have their body change gradually over time. It had happened to Avyn, his once red hair turning a bright white. And now it was happening to Yuna. It was happening to an eleven-year-old girl. <You did this to her.> "Ayuka wha- OW!" Yuna shouted as Ayuka yanked the hair off. "What was that for!?" "Sorry," Ayuka apologized as she discreetly bundled the hair in her hand and burnt it until there was nothing left but ash to be washed away. "There was a knot there." "Could've warned me," Yuna grumbled as she rubbed her head. Ayuka simply rinsed her hair in silence. No more. Soon Yuna wouldn't have to fight anymore. That white hair, it would be the only one she would ever have.
"Alright, bitch," Ayuka growled as she shoved her spear further into the shoulder of the Magical Girl that had just tried to attack them. "Let's play a game of Bad Cop – Worse Cop. I'm both." "W-what?" Ayuka fired a Gandr straight over the girl's head, tearing off a good chunk of hair in the process. "Aah!" "Sorry, that was Bad Cop," Ayuka replied. "Not Worst Cop?" the girl asked, trembling, though that might've been from the pain of having a sharp metal object being forcefully inserted in between the joints of her shoulder. "Worst Cop wouldn't miss." "I just needed a Grief Seed alright!" the girl started shouting with her Soul Gem a bit dark for comfort. It didn't take long for either Ayuka or Madoka to figure out what that meant. "And I saw that she was holding one and well..." The Magical Girl glanced at Madoka who was standing nearby and sporting a new cut on her shoulder. There was a reason why Ayuka had stabbed where she had. The wound Madoka received was shallow thankfully, but it still rankled Ayuka that the Pinky got the injury while under her watch. Honestly, Madoka wouldn't even have gotten that cut in the first place if she just shot the Magical Girl the second she showed up. But no, Madoka had to try and reason with the girl while getting stabbed at. Sometimes she was just too nice for her own good. It didn't help that Ayuka wasn't in a good mood either. Not after what she had seen last night. At this rate the stress would be giving her white hairs of her own. "So, you thought you'd go for an easy target, go for a pair of girls who aren't even Magical Girls," Ayuka growled. "Y-yes," the Magical Girl admitted. "And then you went for pinky here first because she looked tiny and weak." "Well..." "She could've turned you into a pincushion if she wasn't so busy being nice. Me on the other hand, I always wondered what having a living Pinata would be like." "Eeep!" Ayuka was about to pull the spear out and fulfill her promise when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and found Madoka looking at her pleadingly. "Ayuka, it's fine. Let her go," Madoka said. "Let her go!?" Ayuka shouted and started waving the hand that wasn't keeping her spear firmly embedded in the Magical Girl's clavicle. "She just tried to skewer you!" "Because she needed a Grief Seed," Madoka replied as she looked at the girl's Soul Gem, concerned. "So, you just want to let her go? Let her heal up and attack us again or worse Witch out on us!" "So, you know too..." the Magical Girl said quietly. Her face, her eyes, it was something that Ayuka had become far too used to seeing. A person who had their world upended right in front of them, in just a single moment. "How did you find out?" Madoka asked. "My cousin. We were close and we hunted together." Tears began to drip down the Magical Girl's eyes. "I saw her... turn into one of those things. I... I was supposed to protect her." "That... sucks," Ayuka admitted as she made sure to turn away from the Magical Girl's face. "That doesn't mean we can forgive her for trying to kill us." "J-just kill me please," the Magical Girl began begging. "I couldn't... I wasn't strong enough to do it myself. Just please, don't let me become one of those things." "We don't need it, Ayuka," Madoka said. Ayuka looked at the crying girl, Madoka's pleading face, and then back to the crying girl. "God damn it." Ayuka pulled her spear out and stepped aside so that Madoka could use the Grief Seed on the girl's Soul Gem. "Just leave. Don't show up here again." "But- Why?" the girl asked Madoka. "Because I don't want to see that happen to you. I don't want any Magical Girl to turn into a Witch," Madoka replied. "But- I will anyway," the girl sobbed. "There aren't any more Witches where I live. If I can't get any more Grief Seeds." "Witches are being gathered in Kamihama," Ayuka informed her without even turning to look in her direction. "Lot of them. There's also an organization trying to help out the Magical Girls there. Probably won't lead to anything, but it's better than sitting around and turning." "But my parents, I can't jus–" "Would your parents prefer you missing for a bit but come back alive? Or being gone forever because you Witched out. Actually, you could be the one that ends up killing them if you do." "No!" The girl shouted angrily. "I won't! I can't do that to them!" Anger. Good. Channel another emotion into that Soul Gem apart from despair. Keep yourself going that way. "Then go. Live. And maybe you'll be able to see them again," Ayuka replied. "Al-Alright." The Magical Girl got up, the wound in her shoulder already starting to heal. "I'm sorry for hurting you and thank you... for saving me." Madoka gave her a reassuring smile. "You're welcome." The Magical Girl left; to whatever was going to end up happening to her in Kamihama. "Ayuka," Madoka said as they watched the girl's disappearing figure. "Thank you." "Sure. Fine." Ayuka put her spear on her shoulder. "Spend half a day tracking this Witch and we don't even have a Grief Seed to show for it." "But we helped someone, at least." "For now," Ayuka sighed. "Alright let's go home so that your parents can freak out about your shoulder." "Madoka Kaname!" Ayuka immediately jumped, along with Madoka, before she quickly took a stance with her spear and pointed it at the source of the new voice. "What are two doing!?" Hitomi shouted at them. Next to her was a boy that Ayuka had never seen before. "Hitomi!? Kyousuke!?" Madoka shouted. "What are you two doing here?" "Kyousuke was finally let out of the hospital so I'd thought we would visit you so we could spend time together like old times," Hitomi replied. "Only to find you doing this!" "I-I can explain!" "I leave you alone for a few days and suddenly, suddenly," "Hitomi–" "You've become an otaku!?" Both Ayuka and Madoka blinked, blankly, as their mind tried to process what Hitomi had just said. "What?" "You're going around and roleplaying with girls cosplaying as Magical Girls," Hitomi accused them. "No wonder I had such a bad feeling about Emiya, she was corrupting you!" Ayuka pinched the top of her nose. "Okay first of all, nothing wrong with having a hobby, and secondly is that really what you think this is!?" Ayuka began to wave her very sharp and very real spear around for her to see. Seriously, how does a person come to that sort of conclusion? "I don't think this is fake," Kyousuke commented. "That... Magical Girl? Wouldn't have been able to jump around like that if it was." Thank you! At least someone around here was making sense! "It could've been special effects... or maybe rockets in her shoes," Hitomi argued. "Just listen to your boyfriend over there!" Ayuka pointed to the lone boy among them. "B-boyfriend," Hitomi blushed and looked away. "We haven't, I haven't. Not until Sayaka comes back so that I can talk to her." "What was that?" Kyousuke asked. "Nothing!" Ayuka sighed as she created a fireball in her hands and flung it at the ground. She made sure that it left a nice burnt mark on the ground to show that all of this was actually real. "Ok, so the short of it is that magic is real, these weapons we use are real, and we need to keep all these things secret from people that don't have magic. That includes you two. Normally I'd go for a mind wipe or get rid of the witnesses," Ayuka looked at Madoka, "But I don't think that's a viable option this time around." Hitomi looked at the burnt mark on the ground in shock before looking up at Madoka's shoulder. "Wait does that mean that cut there–" "Yea that's real," Ayuka replied casually. "Actual blood. Because Madoka's here is too nice to actually defend herself against a murderous Magical Girl." "Madoka!?" Hitomi shouted in worry and suddenly ran up to the pink haired girl. She quickly began to fawn over the girl's injury. "This looks really bad! You could bleed out, it could get infected, we need to take you to the hospital!" "It's fine, I've had worse," Madoka replied. "Worse!?" "Um." That was unfortunately the wrong answer, and Madoka was soon dealing with a screaming and frantic green haired girl grabbing onto her. It was almost amusing, in a chaotic sitcom sort of way. "I'm Kyousuke by the way," the boy introduced himself to Ayuka and held out a hand. "Ayuka Emiya," Ayuka shook it and watched as Hitomi continued to fret over Madoka. "Is she always like that?" "Freaking out over things after coming to the weirdest conclusions?" "Yea." "Then, yes," Kyousuke admitted. "She worries a lot, in a weird and old-fashioned way." "How's your arm? I heard it got hurt in an accident." "Fine now. It was a miracle when it started healing all of a sudden. The doctors couldn't believe it, they thought the damage was permanent." A miracle healing. Like a wish. Ayuka looked down at his arm suspiciously. "You know a Blue haired chick?" "Sayaka?" "Yes." "Well, yea. We've been friends for a while now, with Hitomi and Madoka. She and Hitomi were there for me when I was still at the hospital... I need to see her. I have something I have to apologize for, and I also need to thank her for everything." Well, that just confirmed it for Ayuka. Of course that idiot had to make a wish to heal a boy, couldn't even be damned to use it for herself. "You better thank her," Ayuka grumbled. "Girls Can't Fight Monsters!" Hitomi shouted. "And I should probably do something about that," Ayuka sighed before going to separate Hitomi from Madoka before that bear hug she was giving ended up choking the girl to death.
Ayuka watched warily as Hitomi drank tea calmly as she sat on Kaname's couch. It was almost unnerving how quickly the girl could go from frantically unhinged to poised elegance in a moment's notice. And very little of that wasn't an act, her mood just swung that much. Kyousuke on the other hand was persistently nervous about the whole situation, though he seemed to do his best to try and act like he was fine. "Aah." Ayuka flinched as Hitomi finally put down her teacup, though Madoka and her father seemed entirely used to the girl's... eccentricity. "Thank you for the tea Mr. Kaname," Hitomi said politely. "It's as excellent as always." "You're welcome," Tomohisa replied. "Do you need another cup? Perhaps a snack." "... I have something to ask of you actually. And I apologize for what I'm about to say, but it needs to be said." "Go on." "How could you let your daughter place herself in danger like this?" Hitomi asked. "Isn't it the duty of a parent to protect their child?" Ooph. Straight to the heart. Even Ayuka had to be wary of how sharp this girl could be with her words. "It is," Tomohisa admitted. "Protecting my child is a significant part of being a father... that I am unable to fulfill." "What do you mean?" "Tomohisa used to have abilities," Avyn replied. "He no longer has them though and his children have inherited them." "I know most of all what they go through, and there's nothing I can do to help," Tomohisa gave Hitomi a sullen and guilt-ridden smile. "You could at least stop her from putting herself in danger," Hitomi continued, undaunted. Madoka gasped and opened her mouth to say something. It was only Ayuka putting a hand to her shoulder that stopped her. "To be honest... I assumed that my children would be able to live regular lives and didn't think to prepare them for this. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. There's still time for Tatsuya but Madoka... She's already too old for me to protect her. Now... she has to make her own choices." "So... you're fine with Madoka going out there?" Hitomi asked. "I'm no longer capable of helping her," Tomohisa clasped his hands. "And trying to keep her at home while her friends are in trouble... I couldn't do that to her." Hitomi stared at Tomohisa for a brief moment before bowing her head. "I apologize again. You clearly care about your daughter, and know more about her than I." She turned to Madoka. "When your father says friends though, does he mean Sayaka and Homura?" "They're Magical Girls," Madoka admitted. "They went to find Mami and I haven't heard from them in a while... That's why I'm going to Kamihama to look for them." Ayuka's eyes widened in shock. "Wait, what?" "This is the same place where Sayaka, Akemi, and Tomoe disappeared," Kyousuke commented. "Won't the same thing happen to you?" "Which is why I'm going with Avyn and Ayuka. They're going to go there anyway." "Didn't your friends tell you they needed someone to keep an eye on the city?" Ayuka argued. "You and I already hunted most of the Witches here," Madoka replied. "There's nothing else I can do for them here. I need to go to Kamihama to help them." "What about your parents?" Ayuka waved her hand to Tomohisa. "This is different from fighting Witches, Kamihama is seriously dangerous and crazy." "I already talked to my Mama and Papa. As long as I go with you and Avyn I can go. You both have been in the city already and you're both strong enough to protect me." "A favor to watch over our daughter in exchange for the favor Avyn has for us," Tomohisa replied. "I can't go there myself, but I know that Avyn will keep her as safe as needed." "And Ren and Ereshkigal are coming here tonight to escort us to Kamihama tomorrow," Madoka argued. "I'm not going there alone like Mami and I'll be going with so many other people that can support me. People that know the city and have survived fighting in it." Ayuka looked at Avyn who simply shrugged. Well, when you put it like that... "Fine," Ayuka conceded. This girl wasn't an idiot, not like Blue, but she was just too nice for her own good. "We'll do our best to keep an eye on you but if things go to hell–" "I know," Madoka nodded. "You, Avyn, and Yuna need to focus on each other first. I'd never ask you to sacrifice each other for me." "Did you already forget?" Ayuka asked. "Yuna's not coming with us. She's staying here where she's safe." "What!?" Oh shit. Ayuka turned and finally noticed Yuna standing at the front door, a bagful of groceries in her hand and Madoka's mother standing right next to her. Apparently, they just got back from grocery shopping. Something in the bag shattered as Yuna dropped it to the ground. "What do you mean you're not taking me!?" "Y-Yuna I can explain." "After you and Avyn left without me!?" Yuna screamed. "We were going to tell you before that." "You guys are leaving tomorrow!" "I uh..." Ayuka immediately turned to her Servant. "Avyn?" "Don't hide behind him!" Yuna shouted. "We were going to tell you tonight," Avyn said calmly. "It's the best choice for all of us." "Should we be here for this?" Kyousuke whispered to Hitomi as Avyn continued to try to calm Yuna down. "I don't know, it feels weirdly domestic," Hitomi whispered back. "Are we complicit with this if we don't speak up?" "Just let them fight," Tomohisa whispered to them. "Emiyas are always a source of drama. At least there's a low risk of someone getting stabbed or shot here." "What do you mean you've been thinking about this for a week!?" "Probably."
"Did we come in at a bad time?" Ereshkigal asked as she and Ren sat down at the dining room table. Ren was wondering the same. The atmosphere seemed... tense, even more so than the last time they were here. She glanced at Madoka and immediately winced. The black lines were becoming much harder to ignore now. They were becoming more numerous and were now showing up on nearly all the people or objects that Ren looked at. Living people had black lines scattered on their body, servants had fewer but larger lines, the dead were practically covered with them, and Magical Girls only had them on their Soul Gems which essentially showed as black balls to Ren due to how dense and tightly packed the lines were there. It didn't take long for Ren to realize that the lines had something to do with death after the first time they started showing up on Rika's Soul Gem. She was afraid to try anything to confirm it though. Madoka's were especially strange. For some reason the lines she had were deeper and darker, like they were constantly overlapping at the same point for some reason. "Yuna just found out her family is planning to leave her behind," Mrs. Kaname explained. "They're upstairs, arguing." "Well, that would do it," Ereshkigal commented. "How is she?" Ren asked. Yuna had been so excited that she could fight alongside her family so being told that she would be left behind, well it wouldn't go well with her. "Mad. Enraged even. I've only seen a few people explode like that, much less a little girl," Junko shook her head. "She's been holding a lot in. They all have I think." "Oh..." Ren replied. She knew things might've been tense when they came back, but to think it would get this bad. There was nothing she could do though, apart from be there when it was over. "Hitomi, Kyousuke, this is Ereshkigal and Ren," Madoka introduced her friends to them. "They're going to escort us to Kamihama tomorrow." "Us?" Ereshkigal asked as Ren exchanged a polite greeting with Madoka's friends. "I can't imagine Robin Hood would be excited about that." "Robin Hood?" Kyousuke asked. "Madoka's father." "What!?" Hitomi swiveled her head to Madoka. "How is that even possible?" Madoka scratched the back of her head nervously. "It's a lot to explain." "Well," Hitomi crossed her arms. "I'm ready to hear all of it then." Something told Ren that this was going to be a very long night for everyone in this house.
"The Kaname's have a nice place. They're a good family. They'll take good care of you and Robin Hood could probably help out with some of your training even if he doesn't have any magic," Ayuka justified her decision to Yuna as they sat on opposite ends of the bed. Yuna continued glaring at her and Avyn. She had calmed down a bit but she was still breathing a bit heavily. "I don't want to be with them. I want to be with you two." "I want to be with you too, but I don't want you to get hurt. It's better if you stay here so that you don't get caught up in whoever or whatever's going after me and Avyn." "Avyn and I." Cheeky brat. "This isn't the time for games," Ayuka said more forcefully. "These people are out to kill us, to take Avyn. I'm not going to have you involved in that. It's my problem not yours." Yuna's gaze remained undaunted. "What if I want to make it my problem too? You two already did so much for me. Helping out is the least I can do." "We're dealing with Servants. You can't help." "Like that Servant you and Avyn fought. The one that I beat up with a hammer when she captured you?" Ayuka froze. She didn't like being reminded of that and hadn't expected Yuna to just bring it up like that. "You don't have to worry about me," Yuna continued. "I can protect myself. I can protect you too." "You blindsided a Servant who didn't expect you," Avyn replied plainly. "Even then you only disoriented them for a brief moment and almost crippled yourself in the process. Are you going to do that every time a Servant shows up? And that's assuming you'll even get another chance like that, which you won't." "I still saved Ayuka, didn't I? Then there's no reason for me to stay behind. I can help!" "Yuna you almost burnt your body from inside out helping us," Ayuka argued. "You almost died using a single spell. Witches, Magical Girls, and Servants don't go down with a single blow. You'll just get yourself killed attacking them." "Then I'll figure something out, I have you two there too. I'll just... make sure I come in at the right time." "You should take the time to learn a bit more. Train in a safe environment. You've only started learning to be a Magus for less than a year, it took me much longer than that before I could start fighting Witches by myself." <Didn't stop you from trying,> Avyn commented. "But I can't train without you two," Yuna argued as she held a hand out towards Avyn. "He was there for you when you were learning to fight. You told me that you learned everything from him? Why can't I have you two help me?" "Because the situation changed," Avyn replied. "As much as we'd like to curse what happens around us, we have no choice but to adapt to that change. Ayuka's upbringing could be considered sheltered, compared to yours. We were never threatened, or rather aware of such a threat to us, until now. We're all having to suffer for this, not just you." "So, I'm being selfish then," Yuna finally looked away from them and at the floor. "That's what you're saying?" Avyn closed his eyes and then opened them. "No. But we can't give you everything that you need, everything that we want to give you. Learning to compromise, to give up on what we might've wanted, that is what it means to be family." "And yet you want to take away the only family I've ever had," Yuna replied bitterly. "We will do our best to come back to you. When all is said and done." Yuna scoffed. "You can't even promise that you will come back, because you don't even know if you will." "The world is like that Yuna," Ayuka said. "We just have to learn to cope with it." Yuna remained silent, her breathing becoming steady over time. She had finally calmed down. She was starting to understand why they wanted her to stay here. That's good. It's nice to know that Yuna would be safe and happy with the Kanames. Yuna took a deep breath and sighed. Her eyes were placid, her breathing calm. "When I was with Mama and Papa, I thought I was a bad girl." Ayuka and Avyn listened to her in silence. "I thought they hit and starved me because I deserved it. That was what life was supposed to be like. A bad girl getting punished by her parents because they loved her." "After a Witch killed them, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I wanted to live, but I also thought that maybe it'd be better if I died. If this was what life was supposed to be like. Then Ayuka found me. She gave me food. She screamed but she didn't hit me when she was angry. It was so weird, I didn't know what to do." "I learned. Avyn taught me too. I realized that life wasn't just about getting beat for being a bad girl, that I shouldn't have felt so lonely back with my Mama and Papa. They never loved me. We never were a family. They hated me and I was just doing what I could to live... They deserved to die." Ayuka wasn't going to argue with that, but for an eleven-year-old to come to that conclusion... "I should've died with them," Yuna continued. "But I didn't. Because Ayuka saved me." Yuna looked at them again. Ayuka didn't know why she almost shivered in that moment, why she felt like leaning away from that gaze. Yuna's eyes. That look she was giving them. It wasn't right. There was something there that freaked Ayuka out. And she couldn't figure out why. <I know that look, I've seen it before.> "Yuna," Avyn suddenly glared at the girl, his eyes becoming steel itself. It was a gaze that Ayuka had become wary of and one that she never imagined Yuna being the one to receive. Neither did she ever imagine that Yuna would meet it without moving a single inch. "What you're about to say next. You better make sure you're ready, or I will tear your resolve apart and leave you here with the pieces." Yuna didn't hesitate. She looked Avyn square in the eyes and said what she needed to say. "I will never let myself be lonely again. If that's what the world is like, then I'll fight it as hard as I can." "Even if you die?" Yuna's gaze never faltered. She never retreated. She would withstand pain in order to hold onto something, the one thing that she finally had in her grasp. "Even if I have to walk into hell. No matter what I'll be with you, I'll fight with you... I'll die with you. I don't want to go back to that life ever again." Avyn closed his eyes and bowed his head before letting out a weary sigh. <I could argue with her for days, tear apart everything she knows with logic and reason, and her answer would never change. She's set on her path.> <Are you sure?> Ayuka asked. <Can't you keep trying? She'll have to give up eventually.> <If you told me to stop helping people when I was a young boy. What would I have done?> Ayuka simply stared at Yuna no longer concealing the terror in her own eyes. She was finally starting to see it; the extent of which Yuna was broken. Or perhaps Yuna was never whole in the first place. The abuse she received from her parents, then seeing them getting killed by a Witch right in front of her eyes, on top of everything else that had happened to her recently. Those things, all of that together, it was about strong as any raging inferno could be at defining a person. <She really is an Emiya,> Ayuka commented. <Broken beyond measure... and possibly insane,> Avyn agreed. <There were signs that she wasn't right in the head, times when she became unhinged around you.> <B-but she's eleven! I'm sure Madoka's parents will be... be able to help her.> <An eleven-year-old with newly acquired Reinforcement magic and a manic determination against a pair of powerless civilians. How well will that go?> <... What do we do then?> <If we extract that Magic Circuit of yours that we implanted in her, then the Kaname's could possibly keep her in check. But she could still make a wish. If she's with us, then her wish is granted. Without us though, then the Incubator will be happy to give her what she wants. Dooming her soul is a simple enough price for a child to preserve or achieve the only thing they've known for most of their life. I know the lengths I once took to acquire that singular wish to achieve my dreams.> "I really do love you two," Yuna smiled. "I love you Ayuka. I love you Avyn. So please, let me be with you." <That resolve she has, it's not something we can get rid of easily,> Avyn commented. <Not unless we want to destroy her, break her and cause her to fall apart... Sometimes it really is like looking in a mirror whenever I'm with you girls. I wonder if it was my fault... or if it was always meant to be this way.> <You couldn't save anyone. You can't protect her.> Ayuka grabbed her head. "Are you ok?" Avyn asked. "Fine, just a small headache," Ayuka lied. "Just stress." "I can get you an ice pack if you need it," Yuna offered. "We're not done talking about this," Ayuka growled. "I know, but how I feel won't change. I won't leave you two." Insanity really was a part of this family, wasn't it? <If we take her, things will go bad in Kamihama. Then what?> Ayuka asked Avyn. <Then she'll get what she wants in the end,> he replied.
Tomohisa sat alone in the living room, accompanied only by his own thoughts. His daughter was growing up. It was hard to accept at times but he would have to. For her sake, and eventually for Tatsuya's when his time came. He didn't regret marrying Junko nor starting a family with her. He loved them with all his heart. But it wasn't easy, it never was, trying to keep it all together. To keep them all safe. It was strange that he would be one staying up at night rather than his wife, but these were strange times indeed. So many years spent in the comforts of domestic life, he still wasn't used to the return of the Moonlit World that he had thought had escaped from. Or perhaps there was no escape after all. Like a certain Avyn in red and black would say. Speaking of... Tomohisa watched as Avyn casually materialized in the living room. His back facing away and his form just inches away from the table itself. Always one for dramatic entrances that one. Tomohisa removed his glasses. He didn't actually need them, he wore them because his wife liked how they looked, and stared at Avyn. Despite how stoic he tried to act; Tomohisa could tell that the man's talk with Yuna had gone badly. It was easy, considering how alike the two of them were. It was because of that that they had a hard time getting along in the first place. In the silence of the night, Tomohisa got up and walked to the kitchen. From a cabinet he took out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses that he filled with ice. He then brought all of that to the table so he could pour a pair of drinks. "Never took you for a drinker," Avyn finally commented, still facing away from Tomohisa "It's my wife's," Tomohisa admitted as he poured the contents into two glasses. "But I did dabble a bit over the years thanks to her." "She has good taste." Tomihisa handed him a filled glass. "Never took you for a drinker." "I'm not," Avyn admitted as he turned around and took the glass. "But I knew people who were." The man took a tentative sip and shrugged lightly in acceptance. That was probably the closest to a thanks you'd ever get from him. "Well, Junko's been trying to teach me about good liquor." They drank in silence. The only sounds that night came from the ice in their respective glasses. They were comfortable like that, barely acknowledging each other's presence but still staying in that room anyway. A long night. A quiet night. Not the worst one that Tomohisa ever had if he was being honest. "How's Ren?" Tomohisa asked, some time later. "She seemed a bit off." "Minor headaches apparently, Ereshkigal says some sleep will help," Avyn replied. "Hmm." "How's your daughter?" "Tense," Tomohisa admitted. He began to swirl the drink in his hand. "But she's prepared to go to Kamihama. As for me, I'll make sure Saotome gets a proper excuse so Madoka doesn't have to worry about school while she's away. She'll have a lot to catch up one once she gets back." "Hmm." Avyn tilted his glass and completely emptied it in a few good sips. He then set the glass down and wiped the condensation off his hand with the sleeve of his coat. "You know, you've gotten your hands on something pretty good." Tomohisa began pouring Avyn another drink. "Those two girls upstairs. You've done a good job raising them." "I didn't do much of anything. I try to prepare, try to plan, but it never goes how I expect. I probably have no idea what I'm doing when it involves those two." "They're still yours though." "Not mine, at least soon enough." Avyn looked down at the palm of his hand. "These hands will never hold anything, not for long at least. No matter how much I create, no matter how much I struggle, eventually it will just fall from my grasp." Tomohisa poured himself another drink. "That's one way to think about it. Constantly reminding yourself of the inevitable departure that we'll all experience with each other. Nothing lasts forever." His drink refilled, he took a sip and looked at his reflection in the amber liquid. "But doesn't that mean you should just appreciate it while you can?" Avyn grunted. "Now you're starting to sound like Yuna. She said that once, a little while back." "And?" "Death for them is the end. For me it's just a return to my eternal contract. Those memories, that hope, it all dulls with time. And that's assuming I do remember them the next time I'm summoned." In the end Avyn was a Counter Guardian. His existence was different from other Heroic spirits and one whose duties would wear away even the greatest of heroes should they had ever been drafted by the Counter Force. It was a fate that Tomohisa wouldn't wish for everyone, one that was so precariously close for people like them to fall into. "I have tried to enjoy myself, live in this world while I still can," Avyn admitted. "But between the Witches, the Magius, and Oriko with her Servant, it feels like I just traded one war for another. The brief respite I had with Ayuka is gone and Yuna never had an opportunity to enjoy it in the first place." Avyn emptied the glass again and put it down for another drink. "We fight and we fight and we fight and there is no end in sight. Even if we do survive this, will we ever truly be at peace? Or will we just be thrust into another war soon enough? Maybe they would finally find peace if I went away." There wasn't much that Tomohisa could say. Avyn wasn't wrong. So instead, he did what he could do. Fill up his glass and drink with him well into the night.
A hammer smashing down on an anvil. Steel against the steel, a firework of sparks with each strike. Clang. Clang. Clang. The anvil dented and Yuna's Magical Circuit activated. Lines of bright green light appeared on her arms as she lifted the pipe. She took a deep breath as she took her first swing. Not too much, not too little. Just enough to pick up her weapon without breaking her muscles and body with the strain. It was a little painful at first, but she was used to the pain. One swing. Two swings. Three swings. It would probably be weird if people saw her swinging a pipe on the Kaname's front yard, but thankfully Avyn used a spell to stop people from seeing. The only people that could witness her self induced training were those who she wanted to see. It would force her to improve herself even more to know that the people she cared about were watching. After the thirtieth swing she slowly lowered the pipe and undid her Reinforcement. Thirty swings, then a break to cool down her circuit and give her muscles a rest. That wasn't enough, especially if she was going to start using a hammer again. She needed to be able to do more. Familiars would always outnumber her, Witches would tower over her, Magical Girls would be faster and stronger, and Servants... they were just something else altogether. If she was going to keep up with all of those threats, then she needed to get stronger. Fast. "How's your Circuit?" Avyn asked from the front porch. "It expanded recently due to the work you put it through, so it might be uncomfortable using it." "I'm fine," Yuna replied as she clumsily stuffed the pipe into the small hip pouch that Ayuka had given her. She still wasn't sure exactly how that spell worked, but it definitely made carrying a weapon around much easier. "Are we going soon?" "Later. Ren woke up with a headache. They're dealing with that first." More time for training then. Yuna quickly went to the ground and began doing sit ups. She hadn't skipped her physical training ever since Sayaka suggested it when they had met. She needed to be strong, to make up for the little Magical Energy that she had. In the end though one Magical Circuit wasn't going to be enough no matter how big she made it. She needed to get some more or at least find some way to make up for it. "Hard at work, aren't you?" Avyn commented. "Have to be stronger," Yuna replied. "Have you ever thought about fighting and living for something else, apart from Ayuka and I?" "Nope," Yuna looked Avyn straight in the eye each time she pulled herself up. "You're not changing my mind." "You're a stubborn fool." "I know." "We should leave you here for your own good." "Then I'll go after you." Avyn sighed and shook his head. "When did you get so defiant?" "From living with you and Ayuka." "Cheeky brat." "Love you too, Avyn." "Or maybe you just imprinted on the first two people that even showed you a modicum of affection. The Kaname's are a loving family, much more whole than Ayuka and I ever will be. Why don't you be with them and know what it's like to have a proper family?" "Ayuka is lazy and hardworking," Yuna replied as she put the towel around her shoulders and looked at Avyn. "If she doesn't care about it then she ignores it but if she does then she'll work her hardest. You act mean and think the worst of others, yet you still try to help them. When you say something that hurts them or makes them want to cry, you're only doing it because they need to hear it. I know that and I still want to be with you two." Yuna had no delusions about Avyn and Ayuka. Sometimes it was hard to say that they were good people at all. But she didn't want to be with good people. She just wanted people that accepted her for who she was. Like they had. Avyn shook his head. "We should've raised you better. Maybe then you'd have higher expectations for people." "Maybe. But I'm fine with what you've done for me so far." "Hmph." Avyn held out his hand and created a Warhammer that he then tossed to Yuna. "Catch." With her Reinforcement Yuna was able to capture it, though the weight of it did push her back slightly. Once she caught her balance, she took her time to look at the weapon closely. This hammer had a much smaller shaft than the one she used before. The black wood shaft was cool and smooth to touch, but it was still really easy to hold onto. The top though was really weird. One side of the bright silver metal was a flat head while the other side was a big and really long spike that curved down a bit. "Horseman's Pick," Avyn informed her. "Mostly used by cavalry during the Middle Ages in Europe and the Middle East. The spike makes it a more versatile weapon that allows you to grapple with a target's armor, weapon, or shield while also being capable of piercing through weaker defenses. The blunt end is, as usual, for when you just need to smash something hard." It was a bit heavy and hard to hold without Reinforcement, but Yuna still made sure to swing and rotate the weapon in her grasp so she could examine all of it. "Unfortunately, I don't have the time to personally craft you a weapon like I did for Ayuka, so you'll have to use one of my copies. It's still a reliable weapon though and better than that construction hammer you swung around in our old house, especially with the adjustments I made. The handle is a bit longer so that you'd have more reach to compensate for your small frame and the head's a bit heavier so you can land some stronger hits with Reinforcement." Yuna admired her new weapon in the light of the sun for a brief moment before putting it into her satchel and walking up to Avyn. "What do you–" he was interrupted by Yuna wrapping his arms around him and giving him a hug. The top of her head barely reached his chest, yet she still tried to grab his waist with all her might. Avyn was warm. His heart beat in his chest. No matter what he liked to say about himself, he was a person. And he had someone here that cared about him. She felt a hand gently rub her head. "Glad you like it then," Avyn said. Yuna looked up and beamed. "I love it. Thank you." "You know most girls wouldn't be very excited about being gifted dangerous Medieval weaponry." "I still love it." "We'll have to have you practice with it in Kamihama. It might be a weapon of strength but it's not something you can swing around wildly like you did before. Not knowing what you're doing, or worst of all being predictable, will lead to your death on the battlefield. You'll have to learn a bit of finesse." "I will," Yuna nodded. "As long as you and Ayuka teach me." Avyn smirked. "Fine."
"Lines. The Black Lines," Ren moaned as she kept her eyes shut and buried herself in her blankets. They were everywhere now. On every person. On everything she saw. And looking at all of that, seeing all of them at once. It brought a constant agony to Ren's head. Like something was constantly pounding and bouncing around the inside of her skull. It was only by keeping her eyes closed, could she get some measure of relief. "Black Lines..." Ren suddenly felt Ereshkigal grab her by the shoulders. "When did you start seeing them?" "A few weeks ago... after we started... exorcising spirits." "I knew you were close to death," the Goddess muttered. "But I didn't think you could connect with the Root since it's weak in this world. One second I'll be right back." "Take... your time," Ren groaned as she buried herself under her blanket. Waking up to see black everywhere was not fun. She just wanted to go back to sleep and ignore all of it. Unfortunately, she only had a few moments of peace before she heard the familiar footsteps of the Goddess again. She then moaned as the blanket was taken off her face. "Hold still," the Goddess said as she carefully cupped Ren's face and put something on top of her eyes. "Alright try opening your eyes now." "Don't want to... it hurts." "Trust me." Ren slowly inched her eyes open, only for them to open wide when she realized that the black lines were no longer there. She carefully put a hand on the glasses that had been placed on her face. "How?" The relief she felt was immediate now that her vision was cleared of those lines. Her head still hurt a little from the previous exertion, but now she could actually think. "Robin Hood had a spare pair. It took a bit of my blessing and some Alteration from Avyn, but we were able to get these to work for you. As long as you have these on then your mind will be allowed to rest." "Thank you..." Ereshkigal crossed her arms, her expression becoming stern. "So when exactly were you going to tell me about those black lines?" Oh yea... she never told Ereshkigal about that. "I didn't want you... to worry." "Of course I'm going to worry if a precious branch of mine keeps these things to herself. If you want to give me peace then let me know about these things earlier." Ren bowed her head. "I'm sorry." She didn't want to keep secrets. It was just that even now, she struggled to drag the words out when it came to certain topics. Ereshkigal uncrossed her arms and patted her shoulder. "Try not to do that again. Humans like you are so fragile yet you always try to act so tough. As for your eyes, I might have to share some of that blame." "What happened to them?" Ren asked. It was about time she learned, no matter how much she feared what they might be. "A circuit has opened up in the brain and your eyes that allows you to see the concept of death itself in objects and people. It's called the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception," Ereshkigal lectured. "Mystic Eyes... of Death Perception?" Ren asked. "Those black lines you see are visual signals called the Lines of Death. They represent the eventual fated destruction of an object or person." "Fated... destruction?" "Death is inevitable. It does not matter if it's an object, Servant, or ghost, so long as it is living in the sense that they can interfere with the current world, then their existence can and will be destroyed. These lines are present on all those who can die. To trace them, cut them where they're drawn, realizes a part of that fated destruction." Ren paused. "If I cut them... people will die?" "Cutting a line will cut the victim along that same line. It doesn't matter what you use or how sharp it is. So long as it cuts, then a strike along a line ignores any armor, magical protection, regeneration, and any other defenses they might have. Once you target that part then that part of its existence will be erased. Needless to say, a cut along a line will lead to a devastating, unmendable, and permanent wound, if it doesn't outright kill the victim." Ren looked down at her hands. She could never have imagined that she could do such terrible things to people, if she wanted to. "I'm... scared." "It's fine," The Goddess reassured her. "It's a lot to take in. Just keep those glasses on whenever you're awake. The human mind isn't meant to perceive death in that way, especially with non-living objects. The headache is from the strain of that." "I'm not scared about... my health... I'm scared about what I could do." "You should be... death is sacred, and I've become quite fond of life recently. A power like that, to take a person or thing before their time comes, it's not something that should ever be used lightly. Additionally, each time you choose to use it will bring you even closer to death and allow you to see more. Not just the lines but also eventually the Points of an object's existence. Even those glasses have limits on what they can obscure depending on how much you develop your eyes." "It can get even worse then," Ren realized. Ereshkigal nodded. "It can. If you abuse it... but I trust in your discretion. You'll know when you have to use it." "You want me to–" Ren looked at her Servant, her eyes widening at the implication. "There might come a time in which you might not have a choice. In order to protect the life that you hold dear, sometimes you must take the life of another. You understand the terrible price of that... now you need to find the resolve to accept it when it is needed." "I... I don't think..." Putting the dead and Witches down was one thing. It was merely helping them to pass on or at the very least end their tortured existence in this world. But to use this power to kill the living, people that fought for their own survival and what they believed in... With a gentle grip, Ren made sure that the glasses were secured to her face. That power to erase someone's existence. She didn't want to use it. She wouldn't. Before she had thought she had conquered her fear of death, had resolved to live while accepting that moment when her time would come. Now though, she didn't want to be reminded of the death present in everything else that she saw. In everything that she held dear.
Madoka opened her backpack and checked one last time that she had packed everything she needed. Her quiver stocked to the brim with arrows? Check. Cell Phone charger, portable adapters, and other such electronics? Check. Food, water, snacks? Check. Money and a credit card for emergencies? Check. That Beretta M9 Homura had accidently left in her room that Madoka had been planning to give back? Check. And definitely not going to be touched until she got Homura back. Madoka held out her hand and summoned her bow. Bow primed, strung, and ready to use? Check. Everything she needed for her trip to Kamihama. Madoka took a deep breath. Everyone that she cared about seemed to know everything now. Even Hitomi, who had gone back home last night with a promise to see her off at the train station. It was strange yet relieving that they were all ready to support her. That they were all so worried about her. "Seems you're well prepared." "Hi Mama," Madoka greeted as her mother entered the room and closed the door behind her. It was almost natural to show these things to her mother, to be able to speak freely to her again. It made her regret ever keeping secrets from them in the first place. "When did you get so organized?" Mama teased. "Mami taught me." Meticulous preparation was a necessary requirement when being a protégé of Mami. That and acrobatic flair. Madoka was still getting practice on the latter. Mama took a seat on her bed. "She taught you well then." Madoka took a seat next to her. "She did. And Sayaka and Homura. We are all working together to protect the people here... I'm sorry I didn't tell you." "Considering what was happening to you, I can understand. Just try to talk to us in the future. You can always rely on your father and I." Madoka nodded. "I will." "Also, I know that you're going to help your friends and you're probably going to want to help other people that are in trouble. There's nothing wrong with that, but please try to come back to us." "I will." Mama reached over and enveloped her in a hug. "My baby girl's all grown up now. Soon enough you'll be leaving the house." "It's still going to be a few years before I move out... but I'll happily share a drink with you once I'm old enough." "You will," Mama let go and patted her on the shoulders. "And it'll be the best drink you ever have."
Ayuka sighed as she lay on the floor, an open bag of chips on one side, and a can of soda on the other. There was nothing else to do but to snack and wait for their eventual departure to Kamihama. She was hungry. More so than usual nowadays, which had worried Avyn initially. They both agreed it was just stress though. Hard not to be stressed with everything that had happened. It didn't seem to end there though. Apart from eating there wasn't much that really interested her, even the games on her phone just bored her now. She didn't feel much of anything now. All she wanted was to lie on that floor and stay there. Which was weird because she wasn't even getting much sleep recently either. <That's all you're good for.> She sat up, crammed the rest of the chips and soda into her mouth, and forced herself to move. That voice. It was all that voice's fault. And that's all it was, a dumb voice in her head. There was no way that she would ever become a Witch, there was no way that thing would ever take control. All she had to do was keep ignoring it. Wait for it to go away completely and she'd be back to her old self. Ayuka wiped her hands on her pants before taking out her phone and using it to check the joint bank account that she and Avyn shared. Thanks to Avyn heading to the ruins of their old home, once he was certain that Oriko and her cronies had left, they were able to make an insurance claim on the place. It came out to a very tidy sum of money due to the sheer size of the property and all the other touch ups they added to it over the last few years. So yea, money wasn't going to be an issue anytime soon. School on the other hand... Ayuka looked at her old school uniform which had been left discarded on the bed. It was still torn and ripped from that fight with Oriko and her Servant. If you could call it much of a fight in the first place. Oh well, not like she was going to use it anyway. School was going to have to be postponed for the time being. Didn't exactly have the time to go back there and explain to the faculty how she had gone unharmed jumping off a three-story window. Probably hadn't been the best idea to do that in front of so many witnesses, but she had been in a hurry. The news articles of their home and the rumors surrounding her supernatural flight from school didn't help things either. Besides with everything that had happened she didn't think she could handle sitting in classes all day. Not when there was still work to be done. She leaned back and began to stretch. Maybe a quick warm up would get her wanting to move again. Yuna would also have to take a sabbatical from school. No way was Ayuka and Avyn were ever going to let her out of their sights now. The girl was just about as much of a threat to herself as the Incubator was. There was no telling what crazy thing she might do for their sake if they looked away for a single second. And honestly... Ayuka was glad that she was coming with them. Of course, she was deathly afraid of what could happen to her, but at this point she couldn't imagine being anywhere without her. Much like how she couldn't have imagined a world without Momo back then either. <Let me out. You can't protect her.> Ayuka ripped open a loaf of melon bread and stuffed it into her mouth. It dealt with that dreadful gnawing in her gut. At least until she finished it and had to grab another one to satisfy her stomach. As Ayuka ate, she glanced out the window and happened to see Yuna and Avyn hugging in the front yard. That was nice. It meant that they'd be fine together. Even without her around. All she had to do was to make sure they both got out of this Kamihama alive. She began to rub the Command Seals on her hand. No, that they'd all get out alive. Then they'd return to their old life. Yuna would become a Magus. Avyn would continue on with his vacation in this world. And Ayuka... she... What did want to do with her life? Ayuka immediately grabbed her packed belongings, slammed the door of the guest room open, and made her way downstairs. Screw it. Thinking about things sucked. Best to just do things and not think. "Everyone else isn't ready yet," Tomohisa commented as Ayuka marched past the living room and set down her luggage next to the front door. "I know," Ayuka replied. "You got something for me to do? No point waiting around and doing nothing while they get ready." Tomohisa gestured with his head toward a small pile of potatoes. "Mind helping me peel them?" Ayuka went to the kitchen, grabbed a potato, and quickly went to work. This was probably the closest she'd ever come to cooking in the kitchen. Avyn never let her anywhere near one, not since the great bonfire incident of 2010. Apparently, it hadn't been a good idea to light up a gas stove with a Magic induced fireball. Good to know. "Try not to eat all of them," Tomohisa teased. "Even I won't eat a raw potato," Ayuka growled. Probably. What did a raw potato taste like? It didn't take her long to get into a groove once she started peeling the potatoes. Doing it properly just took a bit of finesse, something that she could pull off if she needed to. "How long have you lived with Avyn?" Tomohisa asked. "Didn't Avyn tell you?" Ayuka closely examined the potato in her hand. Yep, perfect. She tossed it in an empty basket and started another. "I'd like to hear it from you." "..." Ayuka cut off a few black parts on a potato. "Three years now." Three years since he had stuck by her, raised her, and took in Yuna. Theirs was no longer a relationship just limited to Master and Servant, yet Ayuka couldn't imagine a life now without him as his Servant. Even if he probably did deserve better at this point. "What was it like?" Tomohisa asked. "He gave everything. Food, a home..." A reason to live after she had lost everything. "A name." "Ayuka Emiya. That's a good name," Tomohisa commented. Ayuka nodded. It really was, despite everything that name carried with it. She'd rather bear it all though then be the person she had been back then. The person that had everything she had ever cared for burned in a fire. "Though Sakura wasn't bad either." Ayuka paused and turned to glare at the man. "What do you know?" "We define our names. Who we are and what it makes us. I am Tomohisa, loving husband and father, but I'm also Robin Hood, a legend who once devoted his entire being to helping the helpless. Though I've changed... I do not deny who or what I was in the past or the present." "Ayuka Sakura was an idiot." "And her choices made you who you are. Even if it causes you pain, I don't think you should ever try to forget or deny who you are. Doing that and ignoring history puts you at risk of making the same mistakes again." Ayuka simply remained silent and quickly worked to get the rest of the potatoes done. Thankfully the man was content to let her work in silence so it wasn't long until she pushed the filled basket aside, announced that she had finished, and made her way out of the kitchen. Might as well take a nap or something if there was nothing else left to do while everyone else was taking their sweet time preparing. "Thank you. For helping Madoka," Tomohisa said just as Ayuka had started climbing the stairs. She paused and turned to him. "And for being her friend." "... She's a good person and she knows what she wants," Ayuka replied before leaving the room. It wasn't until she was out of earshot did she finally whisper the last part of her sentence. "Unlike me."
"Bye bye Moroka!" "Bye Tatsuya," Madoka said to her brother at the entrance of the train station. "I'm going to be back soon. Make sure to be a good boy while I'm away." "Ookay." Madoka smiled and petted Tatsuya on the head one more time before looking up to her father who was holding him. "... Thank you for letting me go." To know that her parents supported her decision, that they would help her in any way they could, it made her so happy. She would do whatever it took to bring her friends back and make them proud. To make her proud of herself. "Make sure to stay safe alright," Papa smiled. Despite everything Madoka had learned about him, he was still the same person that she had known her entire life. Her Papa who had always done his best to raise her and Tatsuya. Even if he didn't always think he got things right, Madoka knew that he would always be there for them. Always ready to do and teach them what he thought was right. The fact that he was once Robin Hood, honestly seemed natural in retrospect. "We'll always be waiting here for you if you need it," Mama said. "If things become too much there, even if you don't find your friends, you can always come back here to rest before you try again." "I'll try not to take too long," Madoka replied to her mother. Her proud, strong, and beautiful mother. The person that she wanted to grow up to be like. Who she would one day have a drink with as an adult. "I can't miss too much school." Madoka gave one last goodbye to her parents before turning to Hitomi who had stood a respectable distance away. "I can't say that I understand everything that's going on," Hitomi said as Madoka approached. Once she was close enough, she reached in and gave her a hug, "But I can give you my blessings. And please, bring Sayaka back." Madoka nodded. "I will. I'll make sure to bring all my friends back." "You know, I never imagined that you could be so strong," Hitomi commented as they separated. "You were always so kind, but Sayaka and I worried that people would take advantage of you for that. Now though... I don't think I have to worry so much anymore." "Thanks, Hitomi." "Just try to be careful who you interact with there. I don't want you coming back too weird from your experiences." "Oh I'm sure I'll be fine," Madoka replied. At least compared to some people around her. She still loved them anyway. With one last wave and shout, Madoka bid farewell to her family and friends before making her way to the line where the rest of the group was waiting. "You have... a good family," Ren commented. Madoka's smile grew even brighter. "The best."
Madoka sat in her train seat with a smile as she watched the passing landscape through the window. It was a good time to just... relax before she arrived to Kamihama. "Are you... ok?" Ren asked. "I'm fine, thank you for asking," Madoka said cheerfully. It was a nice train ride. The company was nice. The scenery was good. And she even had a fresh bento that her father made to eat for lunch. Madoka opened her bag. "Meow." Also, Amy was here too. Madoka blinked. ... Wait. What? She barely had time to process this turn of events before Amy jumped out of the bag and nestled itself close to her side. Everyone else there watched the cat claim its territory in curiosity, and in Avyn's case, bemusement. "That is one stealthy cat," Yuna commented. "What is it even doing here?" Ayuka asked. "Amy just does her own thing... sometimes," Madoka explained. "Cats have always been mysterious creatures connected to the supernatural," Avyn explained. "They always seem to be close to strange or Magical events and are actually one of the few animals of the world that actually collect Magical Energy." "Really?" Ren asked. "What... do they do... with it?" Avyn shrugged. "No one knows. Not after centuries if not an entire millennium of study. They are a mystery that we have to accept that we'll likely never solve." He looked at Amy warily. "Needless to say when a cat feels a need to go somewhere or even goes out of its way to guide a person, things get interesting. Not necessarily good, but interesting." "Amy did lead me to this weird feather once," Madoka mused. "I actually got my powers after I touched it." Everyone there looked at Madoka with renewed interest. "Describe the feather," Ereshkigal demanded. "Oh... it was white with a pinkish hue. It was super clean and just in the middle in the alleyway. When I touched it..." Madoka put a hand to her mouth, "It felt a lot like the energy I use to summon my bow." "You saying you got Goddess powers cause a cat decided to lead you to it?" Ayuka asked in disbelief. "Is that cat some sort of messenger or something?" "I don't think so... Amy always seemed normal for a cat. At least until the accident..." "Accident?" Avyn asked. "Well," Madoka began to stroke Amy fondly. "Amy was actually a stray I saw often. Then one day while she was crossing a road a car started speeding toward her. I thought it would run her over, but then she suddenly popped up right next to me." "What?" Ayuka asked. "One moment she was in the middle of the street and then the next, she was just right next to me." Ayuka looked at the cat carefully. "Can that thing teleport or something?" Madoka shook her head. "No. I don't think so. Even Amy looked surprised by what happened. After that I took her into my house. We never did figure out what happened. I thought it was Homura when I first saw her magic, but she told me she didn't have anything to do with it." "Pigtails?" Ayuka asked. "What is her magic anyway?" "Well..." Madoka hesitated to say much about it. Homura was a bit shy and didn't like the attention, but she didn't keep her magic a huge secret either. Really, she mostly worried about others believing her and she was willing to let her friends know about it. And everyone around Madoka was basically a close friend at this point. "She can stop time." It was as if a pin dropped, and everyone could only just sit there and try to process what Madoka had just said. Avyn was the first to recover. "Stopping time?" Madoka nodded. "Yes." "It isn't just speeding up or slowing down things around her?" he continued to ask. "No." "Not localized to a small area?" "When she stops time, everything stops. Only the people that are physically or magically touching her can move." "Is there a limit to how long she can sustain that?" "It uses a lot of magic in her Soul Gem, but I think she can keep it going for a while. Feels like several minutes before she lets time move again." "Where was she on February 19th at 10:30 in the morning?" Madoka tilted her head. That was a strange and specific question. "She was at my place eating breakfast." "Did she ever leave your sight for a period of time? At least ten to fifteen minutes?" "I mean, yea." She didn't want to go into too much detail because no girl wanted to have the time they spent in the bathroom discussed. "Avyn." Ayuka looked at her Servant. "Pigtails didn't feel like a Servant at all. She was definitely a Magical Girl." "Assassins have Presence Concealment," Avyn replied. "She could hide or disguise her presence if needed." Ren's eyes lit up in epiphany. "You think Madoka's friend... was the Servant... that attacked you with Oriko." Now it was Madoka's turn for her eyes to shoot up. "What? Homura wouldn't do that. She's really nice. A bit shy, but she tries really hard." "It's no guarantee," Avyn admitted. "But anyone with time manipulating abilities is a suspect. It also explains why Oriko was able to get past our wards and even evade all my senses in that battle. Being able to look a second back is useless against someone who doesn't even need to take that second to commit to an action." "But you can't prove it was Homura," Madoka argued. "There are a lot of Magical Girls and Servants out there. Maybe someone else has time powers?" "That is likely true," Avyn conceded. "And I could be accusing her of nothing, but I'm still going to be cautious around her. You should too." "I trust her," Madoka replied. "Those that you trust are the ones most capable of hurting you." Madoka stared at Avyn ready to deny everything that he just said. "Maybe... we should talk about... something else." Ren said, stopping Madoka from doing anything. "... I believe so," Avyn replied as he continued looking at Madoka. "Do you have a plan once we get to Kamihama?" Madoka relaxed now that the subject had changed. "I'll ask the Magical Girls there if they've seen anyone that looks like my friends." "Is that it?" Madoka scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "There isn't really much else for me to do." Avyn sighed as he took out a map and rolled it out in front of her. Everyone else took that as a chance to come over and look over the map too. "Kamihama consists of nine wards, each of which have gone through rapid development. The hotel that we'll be staying at is located within the Chou Ward, the most central ward of the city. It will give us freedom to cover more ground as we see fit. We should have an extra bed in the room that you can use." Madoka raised her eyes in surprise. "Thank you." "Ayuka and I will be busy doing our own investigation, but you can always call us for help if an emergency comes up." Ereshkigal leaned over and pointed to a Western part of the city. "Ren and I live in the Shinsei ward though we've been expanding our nightly patrols to the surrounding wards. We also spend a lot of time in the Sakei ward with her friends. We'll keep an eye out for any sign of Oriko and Madoka's friends while we're out during the night." "I know Ren has you to keep her safe but be careful," Avyn warned. "There's a lot that can happen to a young girl in the dead of night, whether by the living or dead." "I'll... be careful." Ren adjusted her glasses as she looked at the map. "The Mizuna ward... has a lot of spirits... and dead. Be careful there... some of them... can be dangerous... To the living." "Magical Girls and Magi are more sensitive to the mental and spiritual attacks of wraiths," Ereshkigal informed them. "Magical Girls especially. Unless you have Ren or I escorting you, it's best if you avoid that area altogether during the night. If you need to go there then make sure to call us." "The Daito ward is the rough part of the city." Ayuka had stopped eating her stack of apples for a brief moment to point at the most Eastern point on the map. "Rough neighborhoods, rough people, and no money either. You can try to be nice but they ain't going to be friendly to a rich girl like you Madoka." "I'm not rich..." Madoka commented. Ayuka looked at her in disbelief before taking a large bite out of her apple. "Have you seen your house? You're pretty well off even if you don't flash it around everywhere like most rich people do. You're nice, but you act sheltered and look well off with that pretty hair and clean skin of yours. That makes you a target. Don't go over there without me. I know how to deal with that type." "So everywhere else is fine?" Madoka asked as she took a picture of the map with her phone. "We'll need more information about the other areas," Avyn replied. "And unlike the rest of us you won't be having a Servant keeping an eye on you. You'll be a young girl, alone. Exercise caution, remember your training, and always stay aware of your surroundings. And don't ever let anyone know you're a Semi-Servant or connected to a Goddess. That will just make you a target, especially for the Magius who are out looking for people like us." "I understand," Madoka replied. "Which is why we should all pay the local Coordinator a visit," Avyn said. "Coordinator?" Madoka asked. Ren and Ereshkigal also looked confused. "Coordinators are Magical Girls with magic that can adjust, strengthen, or even change certain properties of other Magical Girl's Soul Gems. They're a highly sought-after service and there's usually one in every major city. They also sell Grief Seeds and information... for a price." "Will they work with people that aren't Magical Girls?" Yuna asked "They will. As long as you got cash or Grief Seeds. It ain't cheap though," Ayuka replied. "Which is why I had Madoka and I collect whatever Seeds we could while you were recovering." "Why didn't we see the Coordinator last time?" Yuna asked. "Avyn wanted to do things subtly the first time we were there," Ayuka replied. "Didn't work out. Also got a lot more people now that need that information. Here's hoping we don't get sold out." "Coordinators act as neutral entities," Avyn informed them. "They won't sell us out or turn us over, but they're almost certainly providing services to our enemies too and going to one will let people know of our presence in the city. Prepare the questions you have beforehand and be careful what you say around them. Never tell them more than you need to. They'll use that as leverage." "They tend to all be weirdos too, at least from what I've heard," Ayuka told them. "So be prepared, don't know what we'll expect when we meet her."
"Weelcome," a polite yet also somewhat teasing voice greeted as Ayuka and her group stepped into the Coordinator's shop. It was an interesting place. Lots of blue and white with a wall that was essentially a line of large windows. It was stylish in a way, dark yet the faint light that illuminated the place was almost welcoming. As were the large couches that seemed to be provided for the Coordinator and her clientele. The Coordinator herself was seated primly with a cup of tea in her hands. A cup that she had to put down when Amy suddenly jumped out of Madoka's bag and made itself comfortable on the Coordinator's lap. "I see you've brought me a cute little kitty here," The Coordinator said as she began to stroke the cat. "Maybe I'll keep it." "Um, Amy's mine," Madoka bowed her head. "Sorry." "Aw, too bad," the Coordinator replied though she hardly seemed sad at all. "My name is Mitama. Is there anything you need from me? Some Reagents for the Magi in the room? Or perhaps something for the Servants?" Ayuka was hardly surprised that Mitama knew about them. Coordinators tended to be well informed and were known to barter with certain information. "You seem to know a lot. Any other Magi or Heroic Spirits you've dealt with. "Nuh huh," Mitama put a finger in front of her mouth. "Client Confidentiality. I can't go around giving information about my customers. It would be bad business." "Then what do you mean by working on Servants then?" Ayuka asked. "What can you do for them?" "Why adjust their Spiritual Core of course," Mitama replied cheerfully, in contrast to everyone's surprise. Spiritual Cores were a Servant's center, heart, or CPU, that dictated their every function. They were where the true being of a Servant resided and destroying it would destroy the Servant. The heart and head were also directly connected to the core making both those parts a Servant's greatest weaknesses. "My power allows me direct access to the Soul," Mitama explained. "For a Magical Girl it means I can enhance their Soul Gem and make them stronger." She continued to smile as she looked at Yuna. "For a Magus it means I can repair, adjust, or even open up Magical Circuits that still remain closed. Even though Magical Circuits are spread across the physical body they are still a part of the Soul allowing me some control over them." She looked at Avyn. "For a Servant it means I might even be able to Ascend their form. Reform their graph and core, making them closer to their starting point of conception." <And here I thought it was supposed to be impossible here,> Ayuka mused to Avyn as she considered the Coordinator's words. Avyn's tracing was extensive, allowing for full disclosure of an object's physical form, history, and legend behind it, but even he had limits finding anything when it involved the Soul itself. If the Coordinator's magic let her manipulate Souls, then she might be able to do things for Ayuka that Avyn couldn't. <It's supposed to be,> Avyn replied as he looked at Mitama. "What do you mean by might be able to?" "It means that I lack the materials needed to do so." Mitama sighed. "I have the knowledge and capability, but many of the materials I would need for a full ascension are incredibly rare or no longer exist in this world. Phantasmal beasts, divine artifacts, so many things that are impossible to acquire now." "And where did you get such knowledge of these items?" Avyn asked. "Remember. Client Confidentiality," Mitama outright teased. "I am a neutral party. I can't give out any information that might hurt another." "But you can give information that could help us," Ayuka said. "Yes," Mitama nodded. "For a price of course." Ereshkigal stepped forward. "Is there anything you can do for a Spiritual Core apart from Ascension then?" "Are you sure you can trust her with your very being?" Avyn asked. "If she tries anything, then cut her down so I can stuff her Soul Gem in one of my cages," Ereshkigal replied casually. "I could use some additional strength and, quite frankly, I'm curious to see if she's actually capable of doing so." "Always in full control yet it's clear your host has had some effect on your personality," Avyn shook his head. "I can do a few minor adjustments without materials," Mitama replied. "Clean up a few kinks from a hasty summoning and slightly increase the efficiency of Magical Energy transfer between Master and Servant. I can even change your outfit if you so wish." "I prefer my outfit as is. It's suitable for a Queen like me," Ereshkigal replied confidently before glancing at Ren. "Though if you can do something to lessen the burden of my Master, then I'll do it." "Of course," Mitama clapped her hands together. "That will be one million yen. Or ten grief seeds if you'd prefer." If Ayuka had been drinking something, she would've done a spit take. "Jesus! You think a teenage girl is going to have that sort of money." "With a Servant? Yes," Mitama replied happily. "Besides I am currently the only Coordinator with the knowledge and capability of doing this service for Servants." "Monopolizing the means of production," Avyn sighed as he crossed his arms. "Three Magi. Two Servants. Two million Yen." Everyone else's eyes had also begun to bug out at that point. Ereshkigal also looked like she was about to get an aneurysm. Sensitive about money, maybe? "You're asking me to throw in three additional Magi for free?" Mitami replied. She was still smiling and the tone of her voice hadn't changed at all, but she had closed her eyes. "Each adjustment requires magic on my part." "Then we'll throw in a grief seed," Avyn replied curtly, his arms still crossed. "Adjusting Magical Circuits is simple no matter how many there are, compared to a Soul Gem or Spiritual Core at least. Even I can do work on the former." "Not to the same extent that I can," Mitama argued. "That has yet to be seen." Mitama cracked an eye open. "Two Grief Seeds and two and a half million yen." "Two and a half million on top of any information you can give us in regard to the city." "My my," Mitama opened her other eye. "You certainly drive a hard bargain. Okay then, I'll accept." "Uh..." Ren looked nervous as she fiddled with her glasses. "I don't... think I have that... money." "It's fine I'll pay for it this time," Avyn replied. Ayuka suppressed a sigh as she stepped forward. Well at least their insurance money was being put to good use. "I'll go first. Avyn can trace my body afterwards to check that she actually knows what she's doing and that there's no funny business." "Wonderful," Mitama cheered as she gestured toward a nearby exam table. "Now take off your clothes." Ayuka paused and looked at Mitama, unamused. "What?" The Coordinator chuckled. "Oh that's just a joke I tell to most Magical Girls." "Isn't that sexual harassment?" Yuna whispered. "There's a lot of that when magic is involved, for some reason," Avyn whispered back. "Even back in my old world..." "But in all seriousness, I actually do need you to take off your clothes," Mitama explained much to Ayuka's growing disdain. Her eyes only grew wider as the Coordinator continued to speak. "Unlike Magical Girls or Servants, your being isn't concentrated into a single point or core and your outfit isn't part of your form either. Regular clothes get in the way, and I need as much direct contact with your body as possible. Just think of it as a full body massage. You'll definitely feel a lot lighter by the time I'm done." By the end of that explanation Ayuka's eyes were as wide as saucers and she had begun to regret every one of her decisions that ever led to this point. Something that honestly happened a lot these days. Maybe she should start reflecting on her choices in life? <You're an idiot> Great, now the voice was making fun of her, though she couldn't really disagree with it at the moment. <You know I'm right. You just don't listen> Ayuka turned toward the two people that she knew would always jump to her aid. "Yuna? Avyn? You guys want to go first?" "Nope," they both replied in sync. Traitorous bastards! "Don't worry." Ayuka nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand grab her shoulder. She turned her head and found Mitama standing right behind, the cat being left behind to lounge on the chair. "I have a private room in the back if you're nervous," Mitama smiled. "No one else but me and you will ever know what goes on in there between us." That was hardly comforting and, quite frankly, very very frightening. Ayuka looked to everyone in that room and quickly realized that she was going to get no help from them despite volunteering to go first. She turned back to Mitama. "S-sure..."
"My my, you certainly have some high-quality Magical Circuits." Ayuka flinched as she felt Mitama move her hands across her bare back. She scowled, but the Coordinator wouldn't see it unless she kneeled down and looked through the hole that her face had been placed in. Having this all done on what was essentially a massage table didn't help matters and there were some things, mainly her underwear, that she refused to take off. She had also demanded that a blanket be used to cover anything that the Coordinator wasn't currently going over, but Ayuka still felt incredibly vulnerable. How did Magical Girls possibly trust this chick with their Soul Gems of all things? "Were you stressed recently?" Mitama asked. "There were a few kinks that I had to work out. Nothing major, but they were there." "Nothing," Ayuka replied. "Just hurry and finish." "I don't want to rush and besides there are a few Circuits here that I might be able to... excite a little. Give it a bit more flow." Ayuka didn't like those words, but simply grit her teeth and let Mitama continue. "They are well maintained though," Mitama admitted. "Also, of good size. You've been training considerably I see. It also shows in the muscles on your body." "Thanks, but can you please stop ogling my body?" Ayuka asked. Mitama chuckled. "Preferable to ogling the soul I'd say, though I do get to see some of that through your Magical Circuits. Your soul is a bit strange though. It feels like there's a little something else here. Something that isn't quite like the rest... almost like a Witch. But that can't be, you're human after all. Only a Magical Girl could manifest a Witch. Uuunless..." Ayuka was incredibly close to jumping up and attacking. It was only that fact that she was unarmed, almost naked, and against a Magical Girl that could do unspeakable things to her soul, that she didn't. Still, it was very hard not to jump off the table and high tail it out of there wrapped in only just a blanket and her underwear. "You don't tell anyone about this." "Of course I won't," Mitama said cheerfully. "Client Confidentiality after all. I wouldn't mind if you satisfied my curiosity though." "Well, I do mind, so just finish already," Ayuka growled. "How feisty," Mitama said in a songlike voice. "I imagine you're going to be an interesting customer of mine. Do come back, you'll always be welcome."
Yuna watched as Ayuka stormed out of the private room an hour later, angry but mostly intact. Basically the same as usual, apart from that light shiver Ayuka got when looking at the Coordinator, but that was understandable. Even Avyn didn't notice anything suspicious as he started his Tracing and began examining her body. Whatever Mitama did, it was probably pretty good judging by the approving nods that Avyn was giving. "Had fun?" Yuna teased just as Avyn finished checking Ayuka's body and gave them the all clear. She immediately regretted her decision when Ayuka grabbed her by the back of her shirt and lifted her up like a cat would a kitten. "Oh yea," Ayuka glared as she looked at Yuna and presented her to the Coordinator like a present. "Don't worry, you're next." Yuna looked straight at the Coordinator's smiling face. "Eep."
Yuna was incredibly nervous. The only person that she ever let see her like this was Ayuka in the shower, though thankfully Mitama had been nice enough to put a blanket on top like she asked. It still left her feeling exposed, but she ignored that feeling so that the Magical Girl could continue working on her Magical Circuit. It was a small price to pay, for any strength that she could gain. "Wow," Mitama explained. "You're very fit for a young girl. Lots of muscle is starting to grow there." "T-thank you," Yuna blushed, thankful the Coordinator couldn't see her face through the hole. It was a source of pride that she had grown fit thanks to Avyn's food and her own hard work. "A single Magical Circuit though. A strong one granted, but it doesn't seem to have been one naturally created by your body." "It was implanted," Yuna admitted as she shuffled underneath the blanket. "By Ayuka." "No wonder it seemed so familiar. I've cleaned it up and expanded it a little, but unfortunately I don't see any other Magical Circuits I could open up here." "Damn it," Yuna cursed. She had known that, Avyn had told her that, but she couldn't have helped but hope but maybe the Coordinator would find something they had missed. "I don't think your friends–" "Family," Yuna corrected. "Family, would like you to use that language." "They aren't here to hear it. Unless you want to tell them." "Noope," Mitama replied cheerfully. "I can give you some advice though, as to how to make up for your lack of Circuits." Yuna immediately perked up. "What can I do?" "Have you heard of Mystic Codes?" "Yea." Avyn had mentioned them briefly. Didn't have any on him that she could use though. "Well, I heard rumors of some strange Magical Objects that might be hidden in the underground of Kamihama. They could help if you could get them. Also–" Mitama suddenly began to massage Yuna's shoulders. "You could try storing Magical Energy in a gem or precious stone. Those tend to carry a lot which can be held for later use." Yuna hissed as Mitama pushed on something in between her neck and shoulder. "You have some stress there, and in some other places," Mitama explained. "Should I actually massage some of that away, now that you're done with your checkup?" "... Sure," Yuna eventually replied.
Ren was surprised to see Yuna calm and surprisingly light on her feet once she stepped out of the private room. Apparently, she had a much better time than Ayuka did. Still didn't mean she wanted to head into that room next. She was shy and didn't really want to show her body to anyone. Apart from... Rika... maybe... Wait!? Why was she thinking that!? It didn't matter if she loved Rika, that- that... "You're next," Ayuka said, interrupting Ren's thoughts. "I... don't think... I can–" Ren was helpless as Ayuka grabbed an arm and Yuna started pushing her from behind. "Too bad," Ayuka said. "It's actually not that bad," Yuna said. Ren could only go pale as she pushed to the waiting arms and smiling face of the Coordinator. At that point she was seriously starting to reconsider throwing herself off another roof.
Ren kept her eyes closed as she silently asked herself whether or not it was possible to turn herself into an intangible spirit. Things only became weirder whenever Mitama spoke. "You're so pale and skinny," Mitama commented. "Have you been eating and sleeping properly?" "Yes... recently," Ren whispered. "Well, you should keep that up then. A young girl like you should always take care of your body, especially if you're a human. Although your soul is a bit more transient than most humans, like it's going through a change. I wonder how far you'll take that." Ren remained silent. <You decide what you'll be.> Ereshkigal commented. Though the room was physically cut off from the outside world to provide privacy, it wouldn't stop the mental connection of a Master and Servant. <That is your right as one of the living, you are human so long as you say so.> <I want to live... but I'm afraid of what's happening to me. I'm... changing.> <Change is a natural part of life... though it is reasonable to be afraid. I'd be afraid too, if I had to go through the things most humans did.> Mitama suddenly pinched both sides of Ren's head, next to where her eyes were. "Body aside, your Magical Circuits are quite good. Nothing wrong with them. Although there is one that seems to be coming from your eyes to your brain that I'm curious about." <Should I tell her?> <... The bare minimum,> Ereshkigal replied, their mental connection the only thing connecting Ren to the outside world while she was in this room. <No names, just describe the lines and see how the Coordinator reacts.> "I've been seeing black lines... on things," Ren replied. "Oh," Mitama exclaimed. "So they must be showing you things that most people can't. I wonder what those lines represent?" "Don't... know." "Well, if you ever figure it out you can tell me," Mitama suddenly began to massage Ren's head. "You'll get a treat and I might find a better way to help deal with the strain that you've somehow put on your brain. It feels like your mind's been working tirelessly for a while now, I hope you have a way to let it rest." "The glasses... they help... block the lines." "Wonderful. Make sure to keep those on. I'd hate to see what would happen to you if you pushed your little head too far." Mitama pressed a point on Ren's scalp, eliciting a groan from the quiet girl. "I mean I'd know what would happen. You'd end up bursting the blood vessels in your brain and have an aneurysm, stroke, or both. I just don't want to see it."
By the time Ren stepped outside, Madoka was starting to wonder whether or not it was a good idea to come here in the first place. It was a pretty place and all, and Mitama acted nice... but she was also sort of weird? Madoka also felt nervous around her for some reason. "Now before I start with the Servants." Mitama looked at Madoka. "Are you sure you don't want a session with me? I'll even throw it in for free since I'm in a good mood." For some reason Madoka knew that she shouldn't let the Coordinator examine her body and Soul. That there was something that she couldn't let her see. "I'm fine, you can start with the Servants now." "Okay then," Mitama turned to Ereshkigal. "Let's start with you then."
He liked radical politics and had a fondness for chocolate. Five years ago, the Honorable Miss Lacy-Grey had verifiably swooned on the occasion of his requesting her hand for a country dance—an example of that category of incidents which one's friends found endlessly amusing and became fond of recalling ad nauseam in their cups. The circulating quip had been that a marriage proposal would have crippled the girl for life, and an offer of a baser sort killed her on the spot. Since Christian lay now with his head pillowed in the smooth curve of her back, his fingers indolently sliding between her stocking and her skin just above a blue-and-yellow garter, he had to assume that his friends had been slightly out in their predictions. She seemed perfectly alive to him. Her ankles crossed prettily, waving gently back and forth in the air above him. He shaped his palm over her buttock, gave the dimple in the small of her back a kiss and sat up, leaning on his elbow. "When will Sutherland be home?" "Not for a fortnight. At the very least." The former Miss Lacy-Grey rolled over, smiling, exposing breasts that had grown heavier, the slight, swelling thickness at her waist. They'd been lovers for nigh three months. Christian passed his gaze over the subtle changes and lifted his lashes, saying nothing. "I wish he would never come," she said, twining her hands together above her head. "It's been wonderful." "Better than chocolate," he said. "Really?" He looked around, having reminded himself. The tall pot sat waiting; the kettle steamed softly on the hob. "Excuse me." He pushed out of bed. "You odious man." He gave her a sweeping bow and a wink, and helped himself to the kettle, pouring out boiling water into the cold milk, precisely half-and-half, scraping chocolate shavings into the pot and inserting the mill. The carpet felt cool and silken beneath his bare feet. He rubbed the tall mill handle vigorously between his hands—that ought to have been done over the fire, not in the pot, but conditions in the middle of the night in another man's bedroom weren't always ideal—and poured the frothy mix into a cup. "How you can bring yourself to drink that without a grain of sugar defies the imagination," she said. "But you're the sugar, my sweet," he said promptly. He took a sip, standing naked next to the table. "How else?" She tried to make a jaded pout, but it turned into a smile. She stretched her hands upward again, sighing and arching in a provocative way, sliding her stockinged foot up and down the bed. "Oh, yes, I hope Sutherland never comes home." "You'd best have him home to bed you, my girl, and soon enough at that." She stared at her hands, and then lowered them. Her mouth gathered again into that appealing pucker. "He won't care." "Right-ho," Christian said cynically. She spread her palm on her increasing belly and slid a glance at him sideways. He put down the chocolate and leaned across her, kissing her breast, tangling his hands in her hair and kissing her throat. "Worth it?" he murmured, very close to her ear. She brought her arms up around his shoulders and held him tightly. The softness of her reawakened him. He nuzzled his face into her skin, and while she clung to him as if she were drowning, he took advantage of the moment to tarnish her good character one more time. She seemed to enjoy it. God knew he did. A single candle guttered at the base of the stairwell, illuminating the left arm and draperies of a marble copy of Ceres gazing down with an excess of sentimentality upon a sheaf of wheat. Christian moved discreetly on the stair, but not stealthily, having made his peace with the butler some weeks ago by the simple habit of leaving a neat stack of three yellow-boys by the candlestick as he let himself out. He was collecting them together in his pocket, feeling for the coins through his glove, when he heard the shuffle of a footstep from below. He paused at the landing, his hand on the rail. "Edith?" A male voice drifted up, a faint echo in the hall. The devil take it. Christian stood utterly still. Lesley Sutherland walked out from beneath the stair, unbuttoning his greatcoat. "Eydie?" he said again, and smoothed his red sideburns as he looked up. There was a clock ticking in the hall. Christian had never noticed it before, but at that moment of silence it was like a brazen, irrevocable tally. One...two...three...four... At four it happened. The half-smile faded from Sutherland's face. His lips parted. Christian expected nothing to come out, and nothing did: only silence, and Sutherland's face going whiter and whiter, until his mouth clamped shut and color rushed up everywhere but in the carved lines beside his nose and around his lips. Six...seven...eight... Christian thought of several things to say, all of them facetious and directed at himself, except for the classic: Home early, aren't you? He kept them between his teeth. Sutherland still looked in a state of shock. An unpleasant tingling numbness in Christian's right hand made him realize how hard he was gripping the stair rail through his glove. He let go, but the feeling of pins-and-needles grew worse and a strangeness seemed to wash over him, as if the stair beneath him shifted without moving. He flexed his hand, open and closed. The action seemed to focus Sutherland. He stared at Christian's hand. "Jervaulx," he said in an incongruously mild voice. "I'll kill you for this." He even got the pronunciation wrong, the bumped-up Cit; too much J and X. In the eerie imbalance of the moment, Christian's mind absurdly revolved over the proper sounds of his own title, Shervoh—Shervoh—Shervoh... He said nothing, spreading his hand and squeezing his fingers into a fist again, which seemed something difficult to do. His arm felt heavy, somehow deadened, and his fingers itched and prickled down inside the bone. "Your friends," Sutherland said, a little louder, more aggressively. "Name your friends." "Durham. And Colonel Fane." It was inevitable. But it surprised him that he felt so strange. The clock ticked down another ten seconds while they looked at one another. "You blackguard. Get out of my house!" The shout came out half-strangled. Sutherland was so deep red, so throttled, that Christian thought he might burst and fall down in apoplexy. "All right," Christian said quietly. He moved down the stairs, past the other man, deliberately passive and reserved in his motions. Sutherland might wish to kill him, as was his right, but Christian had no particular desire to be the cause of the man dropping dead in his own hallway. Besides that, he felt himself in need of fresh air. He felt drunk. His right hand still seemed dead and clumsy as he pulled open the door. He dragged it closed behind him with his left and stumbled, staggering against the iron railing at the doorstep. The moon was full, lighting a patch of fog that lay at the base of the street: a blue mist fingering against the black row of houses, rising slowly. Christian held onto the rail, staring down the hill. Something definitely was wrong with him. He felt sick and dizzy and...strange. A wild thought that he'd been poisoned took hold of his mind. Eydie? The chocolate. Would Eydie poison him? What the deuce for? His heart beat at a great rate; he kept swallowing, trying to slow it, trying to think. After a few moments, he let go of the rail. The cool air seemed to brace him. He drew deep breaths of it, and felt more himself. A dark shape lay at the foot of the front steps; he squinted at it, and realized it was his own hat. He went down the steps and past it, and remembered again that it was his hat. The carriage waited for him two streets down. He stared uncertainly at the hat, then walked on. He couldn't think why Eydie would poison him. It rather aggrieved him. But he felt better now, walking. Things settled themselves. When he reached his brougham, his coachman got down quickly from the perch and held open the door. Cass and Devil tumbled out, plumed tails wagging in elation. Christian leaned against the side of the carriage and allowed the dogs a jump apiece on him. He fondled their ears with one hand, called Devil back from sniffing along the coal holes in the sidewalk, and climbed inside. Cass lay down primly at Christian's feet, but Devil inserted a spotted nose beneath his glove and insinuated himself onto the seat. Christian stroked the setter's head. As the carriage pulled away, he reached up to take off his hat and found that he had none. He rested his head back on the seat. Sutherland. Sutherland wanted satisfaction. Christian only wanted sleep. He flexed his right hand against the lingering, leaden weakness there. He thought drowsily that it was for once a convenient thing that he was left-handed, or he'd not be able to lift a pistol.
"I've yet to fathom it. No doubt I never will. How canst thou expect any real consideration from a person of his—" Archimedea Timms paused, searching for a suitable word. "—his ilk, Papa?" "Wilt thou pour me a cup of tea, Maddy?" her father asked, in just the sort of amiable voice that left one with no room to start an effective argument. "He is a duke, for one thing," she said over her shoulder, a parting shot as she marched through the back dining room to locate Geraldine, since the parlor bell was in disorder. The time it took to find the maidservant, see water drawn and set to boil, and return to the parlor was not enough to make her forget the sequence of her thoughts. "A duke can scarcely be supposed to care seriously for such matters—the square is above thy left hand—as must be perfectly clear when his integration has not been prepared for the past week." "Thou shouldst not be impatient, Maddy. This sort of thing must be done with infinite care. He is taking his time. I admire him for it." Her father's searching fingers found the carved wooden numeral two and slid it into place as an exponent of s. "He is not taking his time, nor a bit of care. He is out and about the town, engaged in creaturely socializing. He has not the smallest regard for thy credit, nor his own." Her father smiled, gazing straight ahead as he searched out a multiplication sign and added it to the sequence of wooden letters and numbers on the red baize tablecloth in front of him, his fingers floating over the blocks to check each by touch. "Knowest thou certain sure about the creaturely socializing, Maddy?" "One has only to read the papers. There is not a worldly function which he has not attended this entire spring. And your joint treatise scheduled to be introduced on Third Day evening! I shall have to be the one to cancel it, I know, for he won't think of it. President Milner will be most aggravated, and rightly so, for who is to take Jervaulx's place at the podium?" "Thou shalt write the equations upon the slate, and I shall be there to answer questions." "If Friend Milner will allow it," she said broodingly. "He'll say that it's most irregular." "No one will mind. We delight in thy presence every month, Maddy. Thou hast always been welcome to attend. Friend Milner himself once told me that a lady's face brightens the meeting rooms considerable." "Of course I attend. Should I let thee go alone?" She looked up at the maidservant as the girl brought in the tray. Geraldine set the tea down, and Maddy poured her father a cup, touching his hand and guiding it gently to the saucer and handle. His fingers were pale and soft from all the years of indoor work, his face still unlined in spite of his age. There had always been an air of abstraction about him, even before he'd lost his sight. Truthfully, the set habits of his life had not changed so much after the illness that had blinded him years ago, except that now he leaned on Maddy's arm when he went for his daily walk or to the monthly meetings of the Analytical Society and used carved blocks and dictation in his mathematics instead of his own pen. "Thou'lt call on the duke again today about the differentials?" he asked. Maddy made a face, safe to do so when Geraldine had left. "Yes, Papa," she said, keeping her vexation from her voice with an effort. "I'll call on the duke again." The first thing Christian thought of when he woke was the unfinished integration. He threw back the covers, evicting Cass and Devil from the bed, and shook his hand vigorously, trying to rid himself of the pins-and-needles sensation caused by sleeping on it. The dogs whined at the door, and he let them out. The uncomfortable itchy numbness in his fingers was slow to fade; he worked his fist as he poured chocolate and sat down in his dressing robe to leaf through the pages of Timms' ciphering and his own. It was easy to tell the difference: Timms had a small, refined hand, a third the size of Christian's inverted scrawl. From his first day in the schoolroom, Christian had rebelled at the insistence on right-handed cursive and used his left, enduring the regular beatings across the offending palm with sullen silence, but it still embarrassed him to write when anyone could see him. This morning Timms' writing appeared so small that it even seemed hard to read; it swam on the page and gave Christian a headache trying to focus on it. Obviously, he was a little the worse for whatever brandy he'd consumed last night. He took up a quill, already trimmed by his secretary to the special angle that Christian's ungraceful, upside-down hand posture required, and began to work, ignoring what had been written before. It was easy to lose himself in the bright, cool world of functions and hyperbolic distances. The symbols on the page might slide and quiver, but the equations in his head were like unfailing music. He blinked, screwed up his face against the pain that seemed to have settled around his right eye, and kept writing. By the time he'd calculated the last differential and thought to ring Calvin for a tray of breakfast, it felt as if he were waking from a trance to look up and recognize his own bedroom with its Palladian columns flanking the bed, its plaster frieze and wainscoting, and the blue-patterned wallpaper selected by some lady whose name he did not at the moment recollect. Thinking of ladies, however, brought a pleasant thought of Eydie, and he told Calvin to have a single orchid sent to her before tea. "As you say, Your Grace." The butler bowed slightly. "Mr. Durham and Colonel Fane are below. They've been waiting to speak to you for some time. Shall I tell them that Your Grace is not at home this afternoon?" "Do I look as if I'm not at home?" He stretched out his legs and sat back in the chair, crossing his ankles as he glanced at the clock. "By God, it's already half past one. How long have they been down there? Send 'em up, man. Send 'em up." He didn't bother to make himself presentable for Durham and Fane; two older and easier friends he couldn't have. Rubbing his head against the persistent sharp pressure, he just lay back in the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. "Egad, what've we got here? Hen-scratching again?" Durham's lazy voice sounded faintly surprised. "At a time like this. You're a regular iceberg, ain't you?" Christian opened his eyes and closed them again. "Lord save us, it's the clergy." "Just in time. You look as if you're ready for the last rites, old fellow." "Oh, do you actually know them?" Christian lifted one eyelid. "I could look 'em up. Anything for you, Shev." Durham still affected Brummell's style in voice and clothing eleven years after the Beau had fled his creditors to France, but with blond hair and decided movements as a burnished counterpoint to the die-away airs. The morbid dress was his only concession to his reverend calling, and Christian his only sponsor in it—the dukes of Jervaulx holding, among twenty-nine other clerical appointments, the advowson for the living at St. Matthews-upon-Glade, a bounteous ecclesiastical benefice which Christian had seen fit to bestow on his friend. And a particularly obliging favor it had been, too, considering Durham's diverting lack of the character attributes generally required of a rector. Fane and the dogs followed him in, Devil squeezing past Fane's boots as the guardsman entered blazing in gold lace and scarlet regimentals and twirling a top hat on his finger. He tossed the hat in Christian's direction. "Sutherland conveys that to you." Christian caught it. He pushed Devil's forepaws off his lap. "The deuce you say. Sutherland?" "They claimed you left it on his doorstep last night." "Who claimed?" "Well, who do you think?" Fane dropped himself into a chair, scowling. "His bloody seconds, that's who claimed." Christian grinned in spite of his headache. "What-ho, is he back in town? He's called me out already?" "Plague take you, Shev, nobody thinks it's funny," Durham said. "Sutherland's the very devil of a shot." Fane stroked Cassie's head and then picked a black dog hair off his red coat. "He wants it tomorrow morning. Up to you, of course. Pistols, we reckoned—but you might consider sabers, in Sutherland's case." Christian closed his eyes and opened them. The headache was drowning him; he couldn't even think properly. "Damned unlucky, meeting him in his own hall that way," Fane added grimly. "I'll swear he didn't have a clue about you and la Sutherland. Just plain dumb-dog luck, that's all it was. You'd think the silly bastard would want to keep it quiet, wouldn't you? Just what does he suppose is to come of killing you if he can manage it? A long trip to the continent, or a hanging if he's slow to bolt. By God, Shev—I'll rat on him myself if he kills you." Christian frowned at Fane uneasily. He thought this must be some elaborate jest, which he was in no mood to take. But nobody was smiling, and Fane looked downright ugly, his jaw set hard. "Sutherland's seconds called on you this morning?" Christian asked tentatively. "Cards came at eight." Durham waved his hand. "Nine o'clock, they were on my stair at Albany. He's frothing at the bit, Jervaulx. He wants blood." "They said—I was in his house?" "Weren't you?" Christian stared at his toes. He could not, when he thought of it, recall much of anything about last night. "God. I must have been roaring drunk." Durham blew a harsh breath. "Egad, Jervaulx—do you say you don't remember?" Christian shook his head slightly. He didn't feel as if he'd been drinking. He didn't remember starting to drink. He had this headache, and his hand...he just felt strange. "Hell," Durham said, and sat down in a chair. "What a bungle." "Doesn't matter." Christian pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose. "Tomorrow, he wants it? Tomorrow's too soon." "When?" "I'm giving a paper tomorrow night. It'll have to be Wednesday morning." "Giving a paper?" Fane echoed. "A mathematical paper." The colonel just gazed at him. "A paper, Fane," Christian said patiently. "With words on it, by which a message of importance is conveyed. Do you ever read, in the army?" "Sometimes," Fane said. "Shev's a regular Isaac Newt', y'know." Durham leaned back and crossed his legs. "Though you'd never think it to see him, would you? You look like hell, Jervaulx." "I feel like it," Christian said. He caressed Devil's throat with his left hand and sighed. "Damn it all. And I just sent her a bloody orchid." The white, elegant, new-built town house in Belgrave Square was an affront to Maddy. Everything about the Duke of Jervaulx was an affront to her. As a born and raised member of the Society of Friends, she supposed that she ought to have a Concern for his state of grace, casting his life away upon dancing and gambling and leisure as he was doing, but in honest truth, her Divine Inner Light did not seem to be much interested in his spiritual condition. Rather, she felt an all-too-earthly antagonism toward the man. Under commonplace circumstances, she would not have expended any thought at all upon him; indeed, Maddy had never so much as heard of the Duke of Jervaulx until he had begun, for his own perverse reasons, writing letters to the Journal of the London Analytical Society, and hence come to occupy such a large and invisible place in the Timms' little house in Chelsea. She had always read every word of the Journal to her father, and of course it was she who had written out, to dictation, the reply to the duke's published letter inquiring into Papa's monograph upon the Solution of Equations of the Fifth Degree. That had been in First Month. It was now almost Sixth Month, with the window-boxes full of sweet peas and late tulips making a scarlet splash against pale walls, and Maddy had long since become a regular caller in Belgrave Square. Not that she ever saw Jervaulx himself. She had not once laid eyes upon the man. The duke would not, of course, wait upon a Quaker female of plain and modest standing such as herself, nor attend the meetings of the Analytical Society in person; he had much more aristocratic and questionable ways of spending his time than that. No—Archimedea Timms presented herself at the door of his noble house with a copy of her father's latest work, lettered with painstaking accuracy in Maddy's hand, upon receipt of which the butler Calvin escorted her into an alcove off the breakfast parlor and offered her chocolate, took away her papa's careful proposals, and left her sitting there, sometimes for three hours and a half at a time, waiting to see if the butler would return with a note and several sheets covered in casually luxurious slashes of the pen, rows of equations written as if the letters and numbers and arcs were an aesthetic rather than a mathematical effort. Much more often than not, all that Calvin returned with was the duke's promise that his contribution would be ready the next day. And when she called the next day, the promise was for the next, and the next, until she lost all patience with the man. On top of that was Papa's quiet but rising excitement over what he and Jervaulx were working toward. Mathematics was her father's entire life, the irrefutable proof of a theorem the whole goal of his existence—not for the personal fame of such an accomplishment, but for the love of the science itself. He thought the duke a miracle, an amazing blessing upon his life and geometry and the earth in general, and anticipated the man's irregular communications with endless patience. In truth, Maddy feared that she was a little jealous. The way Papa's face lit up when she finally returned with one of Jervaulx's new sets of equations and axioms, Papa's look of shock, and then deep nodding pleasure, when she would read them out to him and he discovered some particular innovation, some calculation that displayed especial finesse...well, it would not do to begrudge him that happiness, just because to her it was all nothing but an endless series of symbols, like a foreign language that one could read and pronounce, but not really understand. Some people were simply born to it, and Maddy, in spite of the felicitous hope that her father had expressed in naming her after Archimedes, was not one of them. The Duke of Jervaulx, however, was. He was also dissolute, reckless and extravagant, a gallant, a gambler, a womanizer, a patron of creaturely arts—painters and musicians and novelists—transparently referred to as the D———of J———————in the scandal sheets, where he and his various exploits appeared with frequency. She had made it her business to find out about him. Not to put too fine a point upon it, he was a rakehell. It wouldn't have made any difference to Papa if the man had been a cowherd; the talent was all that mattered. But Jervaulx was a duke, a fact of which Maddy was reminded much more frequently than her papa—to be precise, every time she sat awaiting Jervaulx's royal convenience in his breakfast alcove. And now, having agreed two months ago to co-author this paper with her father and even condescending to offer to make the preliminary presentation himself at the monthly meeting of the Analytical Society, Jervaulx had apparently forgotten all about it and couldn't even be bothered to finish the last crucial step in the calculations. At least, she hoped he had forgotten, for she had a niggling fear that he might be playing some horrid joke upon her papa. Her worst nightmare was that Jervaulx would come to the Analytical Society with some of his shocking friends, perhaps under the influence of drink, bringing along unsavory women, to make her father and all the members of the Society the object of public ridicule. She had no real reason to suspect that he would do so, but at best her papa was going to be painfully disappointed and embarrassed in front of his mathematical fellows by the duke's absence, all on account of an aristocrat who was too indolent to live up to his commitments to anything but debauchery. For Jervaulx, this was a mere pastime. For her father, it was lifeblood itself. She marched up the steps beneath the portico of the white town house, almost of a mind to send in, along with her father's polite and diffident inquiry, a note to the duke containing her own sentiments. Despite the fact that she had never once discovered in her soul the boldness to stand up and speak out in the silence of her own Meeting, she was quite certain that it would not frighten her in the least that he was a duke. It would not bother her at all to speak to him—an indication in itself, she felt, that what moved her met with God's full approval. On the grounds of the biblical spiritual equality of man, she felt that anything which might lay the duke's iniquities before him in a calm and convincing manner must only do him good. But Calvin was smiling as he ushered her in, and picked up a flat leather case from a table right in the hall. He held it out to her. "To be presented to Mr. Timms, by means of Miss Archimedea Timms, with His Grace's compliments," he said. "The duke has instructed me to impart to Mr. Timms that His Grace will be attending the meeting of the Analytical Society tomorrow night in the company of Sir Charles Milner, and looks with anticipation upon the forthcoming introduction." Maddy took the satchel into her hand. "Oh," she said. "He finished." Calvin made no sign of noticing her surprise, but stood with his head tilted expectantly toward the breakfast room. "Would you like chocolate, Miss?" "Chocolate?" Maddy gathered her thoughts. "No. Indeed, I won't be stopping. I must convey this to my father directly." "As you say, Miss." Such a sudden and unexpected attention to his promise by the heedless duke left Maddy rather at a stand, and somehow more vexed than pleased. Odious man, to tumble everyone into a topsy-turvy state of suspense and then think that he could put all to rights merely by consorting with President Milner and finishing the differentials at the very last moment. "Plainly I tell thee, Friend," she said in the stern accents she'd prepared to use to the duke himself, "I hope that Jervaulx has sufficiently prepared his discourse. I'm afraid there won't be time now for my father to offer any help." Calvin gave her a bland look. "His Grace made no mention of anticipating Mr. Timms' counsel." He put an emphasis upon the honorific, as he always did, which Maddy understood perfectly well was meant to convey his disapproval of her Plain Speech calling of Jervaulx by the title of his temporal office. Maddy didn't give a fig for that. She would have gone further and called him by his surname as an unpretentious Quaker would call anyone else, had she happened to know what it was. She stood still a moment, tapping her foot silently and quickly beneath her skirt. "May I speak with him?" "I regret to say that His Grace is not at home." Maddy's foot tapped harder. "I see. How unfortunate. Thou mayst convey my father's thanks to him, in that case." She tucked the case under her arm and turned down the steps. Christian lay on the bed, with a cloth saturated in some evil-smelling camphor across his eyes. He grunted when he heard Calvin's scratch at the door. "Miss Archimedea Timms has called, Your Grace. She took the papers with her." "Good." There was a moment of silence. "It would not require the physician a quarter hour to come," Calvin said, "if I were to send for him, Your Grace." "I don't need a dashed sawbones. It'll go off in a minute or two." Christian swallowed. His butler made an assenting mumble. The closing door clicked behind him. Christian dragged the musty cloth off his face and tossed it to the floor. He pressed his arm over his eyes and arched his head back, wondering if he was going to die of a damned headache before Sutherland ever got a chance at him.
The Third Day evening meeting of the Analytical Society was a thundering success. For the Timmses, it began early in the afternoon, with the arrival of a powdered and liveried footman at the door of their modest house in Upper Cheyne Row, bearing a note penned in that arresting style of handwriting favored by the Duke of Jervaulx. He would send a vehicle to convey Mr. Timms to the meeting rooms, if that would be agreeable, at the hour of half past eight o'clock. And at the conclusion of the meeting, he would be honored if Mr. Timms and his daughter would join him and Sir Charles Milner for late supper in Belgrave Square, after which he would see that they were delivered safely home in his own carriage. "Papa!" Maddy said in horror, keeping her voice to a fierce whisper in order that the footman outside the parlor door should not overhear. "We cannot!" "Can we not?" her papa inquired. "I shouldn't think it would be possible to attend the meeting at all, in that case, for what excuse can we offer to refuse to sup with Jervaulx afterward?" She flushed a little. "It will be nothing but vain leisure and idle talk. He is a bad man. I know thou admirest his science, but his moral character is...it is abysmal!" "I suppose so," he said reluctantly. "But shall we be the first to cast stones?" "I rather doubt we would be the first." With a little flick, she tossed the duke's note toward the fire. The fine, heavy paper fell short, making a faint chime as it hit the brass fender. "It is not throwing stones, merely to wish not to associate with the man!" Her father turned toward the sound of the note, and then focused on her voice. "It's but one evening." "Thou mayst go. I shall come home as soon as the meeting is over." "Maddy?" Papa had a half-frown upon his face. "Art thou frightened of him?" "Indeed not! Why should I be?" "I thought perhaps...he has done nothing to impose upon thee?" Maddy gave a delicate humph. "Yes, he has! He has kept me waiting for hours at a stretch in his silly breakfast alcove. I can describe the wallpaper to thee in exquisite detail. It is a trellis-pattern of green on white, with a rose mallow pictured at alternating intersections, consisting of sixteen petals and three leaves, with a yellow center." Her papa's brow cleared. "I feared he might have said something untoward to thee." "He has never said anything at all to me, for the simple reason that he has never seen me. But thou mayst take my word that he is all that is worst in the aristocracy. Profligate, licentious and godless. We are plain people, who have no business dining with him." Her father sat silent for a long moment. Then he lifted his brows and said wistfully, "But I wish for us to dine with him, Maddy." His fingers toyed with a wooden Y, twirling it round and round on the red baize. The oil lamp at his elbow was unlit in the dim north light of a cloudy afternoon, the lack of illumination irrelevant to her father. She pressed her fists together and rested her chin on them. "Oh, Papa!" "Shouldst thou mind very much, Maddy girl?" She sighed. Without saying more, she opened the door to inform the lingering footman that they would accept the duke's invitation to supper. In order to hide her discontent, she left her father to go upstairs and lay out his Meeting coat and shirt and arrange the items necessary to shave him. Then she went to her own wardrobe. Before Jervaulx's message, she had planned to wear her gray silk, as befitted a special occasion. She was torn now between the corrupt desire to dress up in a manner that would demonstrate that she and her father dined out regularly with dukes and the urge to dress down and appear as if supping in Belgrave Square held no more appeal to her than did rooting about in a dustbin. In addition to the depravity involved in dressing as if one commonly consorted with noble rakes, certain material restrictions made themselves apparent as she perused the dark recess of her clothes closet. Her family was not of the gayest orders among Friends: they had always kept to Plain Dress and Plain Speech. The steel-gray silk, with its wide, stark, white cotton collar, comprised the zenith of her wardrobe. Fashioned as the gown was upon strictly pious lines, with the elevated, out-of-date waistline, it held little hope of masquerading as anything more than what it was—a simple Quaker lady's best morning dress, four years old. She eyed her black, the one she kept for tasks such as nursing and marketing. It was neat and proper, but visibly shabby at the elbows. It would not do to have Papa's associates at the Society think that she cared nothing for the importance of the occasion. In the end, she decided on the silk. And to emphasize her personal opinion of the duke's licentious behavior, she removed the white collar, leaving only the unadorned V neckline. Although there were no looking glasses in the house, she was satisfied when she held the altered gown up before her that, with its complete lack of ornament, it was of sufficient austerity. What to do with her hair presented another dilemma. The starched sugar scoop bonnet she always wore seemed too ordinary for the occasion. Her mother, having undergone convincement to the Friends' faith and forfeited contact with her own family upon marriage, had still passed along to her daughter a few of the ways of society. Maddy thought that some little acknowledgment of the special nature of the mathematical meeting was really a requirement. She decided to re-braid her hair. Just combing it out was no small task; it had never been cut—her mother's, and now Maddy's, only worldly vanity—growing as long as the back of her knees. After she'd braided it and coiled it around the top of her head, on a whim, she searched out a small box from the bottom of her chest and held up her mother's pearls. She could not bring herself to be quite so daring as to wear jewelry openly around her neck, but after a little thought and some experimentation, she found that they just circled the base of the crowning braid, an exact fit. She rather thought that the jewelry didn't show at all, which seemed a comfortable compromise between heathenism and zealotry. But as she came downstairs at quarter past eight after seeing her father suitably dressed, she had a sudden loss of nerve. She was afraid the pearls must look silly—and there was no one to ask but Papa or Geraldine, neither of whom could reasonably be expected to give any dependable advice. Maddy was holding up the silver teapot, trying without success to see herself in the rounded reflection, when her father's slow step sounded on the stairs. A brisk knock came simultaneously at the door, and she had to rush to the top of the kitchen stair to call Geraldine, as the bell was still in disorder in spite of the landlord's express promise to have it repaired by this afternoon. Then, between seeing that her father descended safely down the stairs and keeping an eye on the footman as he helped Papa into the shining black town chariot—ornamented only by a crest on the door, consisting of a white phoenix surrounded by six golden fleur-de-lis on a blue ground—she found herself suddenly confronted with the footman's bow and offered hand. She had nothing to do but take it. The lecture room of the Royal Institution in Albemarle Street, a vast semicircle with rising, cushioned benches able to seat nine hundred, was not often very well filled for the meetings of the Analytical Society. Those interested in and able to comprehend the philosophy of pure mathematics espoused by the Society were passionate but few, tending to cluster in the first four rows in the center, around the podium, leaving the rest of the room to echoing darkness. As the carriage drew up in Albemarle Street, however, the pavement was quite crowded with gentlemen waiting to enter the Institution. Maddy had a horrible moment of fearing that they had arrived on the wrong night—but no, here was President Milner himself, rotund and cheerful, stepping up to the carriage door, giving her papa his support down to the curb. Maddy followed, and the crowd on the sidewalk and stairs nodded and doffed their hats, stepping aside to allow passage. "Your servant, Miss Timms! We'll just pop into the reading room," Friend Milner said, looking over his shoulder as he guided her papa into the hall. "The duke's there. He's very anxious to meet you both." Maddy suppressed a snort, doubting very much whether the duke felt any emotion of the kind. She fell behind a moment in the crowded hall, hesitating amid the disorder outside the cloakroom until a polite gentleman, one of the regular Society members, took her wrap for her. "Who are all these people?" she whispered to him. "I believe they've come to see the mathematical duke." Maddy made a quick face. "Is that something like the Learned Pig?" He chuckled and took her hand. "Convey my best wishes to Mr. Timms. I'm looking forward to this lecture." Maddy nodded and turned away. It would be just like Jervaulx, she thought, to turn everything into a circus. She should have expected it. Her poor papa was going to be a laughingstock. At the closed door of the reading room she paused, thinking for a distracted moment of the pearls in her hair. No one seemed to have taken any particular notice of them. She put her hand to the braid, to make certain they hadn't fallen loose. They were still there. She felt as if they must make her look a rather foolish and eccentric old maid, which she supposed that she was, actually—a Quaker, one of the Peculiar People, made even more so by the vain addition of pearls to her tightly braided hair. The thought gave her an odd spurt of amusement at herself: what a picture she must make to this dissolute duke! Well—so be it, then. She'd give him a shock. He'd probably never had to dine with the likes of Archimedea Timms. With a faint smile at the corners of her lips, she pushed open the door. At the far end of the dimly lit room, her papa sat in his low-crowned, broad-brimmed hat at one of the tables where the day's newspapers had been shoved aside to make a large space. President Milner was absent. The other man seated there in the pool of candlelight was bent over a sheaf of papers with an intensity that Maddy had last seen in the students she helped teach at the First Day School. His elbows were spread, straining the tailoring of his midnight blue evening coat across broad shoulders, and as she came closer, he pushed back his dark hair impatiently with one hand—giving an excellent impression of some wild poet laboring in a garret over his art. Suddenly, before she reached them, he threw down the pen and rose to face her in one swift motion, for all the world as if he wished to hide what he'd been doing. He looked at her for an instant, and then smiled. The fervent student, the impassioned poet, both vanished in that seasoned gallantry. "Miss Timms," he said, in just the way a duke would say it—calmly, with a slight bow. His eyes were dusky blue, his nose straight and strong, his clothing perfectly tailored and his bearing well-bred; and somehow, in spite of this polished veneer, he managed very well to resemble a complete and utter pirate. Precisely as one had expected—although somewhat less decayed, in a physical sense, by his way of life than might have been supposed. He gave the impression of a firmly controlled energy, with nothing dilatory or degenerated about him—no softness at all to his solid and imposing frame. Next to him, her father looked fatally pale, as if he might dissolve into a wisp and vanish at any moment. "My daughter Archimedea," Papa said. "Maddy—this is the Duke of Jervaulx." He pronounced it entirely differently from the way they'd been saying it—as if it began with an "sh" and didn't rhyme with "talks" at all, but instead with a sound like "hoe." She felt exceedingly provincial, realizing that their habitual "Jervalks" wasn't even remotely correct and recalling with mortifying clarity the number of times she must have mispronounced it to his butler. She sincerely hoped they had Friend Milner to thank for the information, and not Jervaulx himself. She offered her hand to shake, abstaining from a salutation or curtsy, or even a nod, as befitted a plain person and a Friend. She'd been brought up to shun such mumbling customs as saying "Good evening," for to wish someone a good day when he was in an evil day was to offend God and the Truth. Nor could she say that she was happy to make the duke's acquaintance, as that would have been another untruth, so she settled for the universal address of: "Friend." His greeting was not so spare. "It's my wholehearted pleasure to be at your service, mademoiselle." He caught her hand and lifted it briefly, lowering his eyes, then released her. "I must apologize to Miss Archimedea for all the hours I find I've kept her cooling her heels in my house. I've been cursed with a headache these past two days." Maddy wondered what his excuse was for all the days before that, but Papa only said, "I hope thou hast recovered," with every evidence of real concern. Her father always told the truth, so of course he would believe the man, poor naive Papa. "Quite recovered." The duke grinned, and winked at Maddy, as if they were some sort of conspirators together. "Miss Archimedea had her doubts, I know." Her father smiled. "Yes, she's in a great quake over whether thou'lt shame me beyond holding my head up on Third Nights ever again." "Papa!" At that moment, President Milner scratched at the door and came in, spreading his arms and whisking his hands like an enthusiastic shooer of chickens. "Miss Timms, Mr. Timms—it's time. Come and be seated, and then the duke and I shall take our places in front." "I'll need Miss Timms," the duke said, catching her arm as she started toward her papa. "If you would..." He looked into her eyes. It was, Maddy knew instantly, the kind of look he must use on those women who fell willingly under his influence and into his arms. Even she, who at twenty-eight had only been courted once, by a very conventional doctor who had accepted her refusal with painful regret and then engaged himself to a Jane Hutton and left the Quaker Meeting within the half-year, even Maddy could identify that intense and faintly questioning glance and sense the kind of power it was meant to wield. Therefore, when he only held out the sheaf of papers toward her and asked if she would transcribe the equations on the slate for him as he spoke, it was something of an anticlimax. She looked down at the papers. "Thou dost not wish to do it? The slate is just behind the podium. Most of the speakers—" "I don't," he said flatly. "Come, come." Mr. Milner had the door open, admitting the low rumble from the lecture room. "Let us all go at once, then. Mr. Timms?" It was Jervaulx himself who took her father's arm, guiding him into the hall and down the steps to the first seat. The president waved Maddy on up to the row of stiff-backed chairs on the podium; the duke followed her, their steps loud and hollow on the wooden platform. He made a gentle adjustment of her chair as she sat and flicked back his coattails in an elegant, relaxed way as he took the place beside her. The hall quieted as President Milner stepped up to the lectern, turning the shade of the little gas lamp and clearing his throat. Maddy gazed out at the wash of faces, each one underlined by a white collar that seemed to float in a background of uniform black. She'd attended many meetings, of the Analytical Society and the Friends both, occupying a seat in the back benches with her papa, but never had she sat in front of any sort of audience before, let alone one so large. She told herself that everyone was attending to the president, who'd called the meeting to order and begun introducing the paper and describing her father as co-author, but it was easy to recall how one's mind and eyes wandered as a spectator. Several of the gentlemen in the first few rows were most definitely looking past President Milner: at herself or the duke, she couldn't be certain, but she felt agonizingly exposed in her plain silk and pearls. She felt acutely aware, too, of how real and solid and inescapably large Jervaulx seemed sitting next to her, in midnight blue, his white-gloved hands clasped in his lap, not a bit of quiver or restlessness in them, which made Maddy force herself to stop the squeezing and unsqueezing of her own fingers. He seemed very certain of himself, quite easy and oblivious of the weight of attention focused on him as President Milner expressed the honor felt by the gathered company in having such a luminary as Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland, His Grace the Duke of Jervaulx, Earl of Langland and Viscount Glade, condescend to address the London Analytical Society this night. The duke rose to applause. He carried no notes, having handed the papers to Maddy. She might have known that he would have a talent for speaking in a pleasant, relaxed voice, which nevertheless carried as he announced gravely that this lecture was dedicated to the memory of his late tutor, Mr. Peeples, an estimable, learned man, a credit to his profession, worthy of his pupil's everlasting regard and respect; and the duke really was sincerely sorry about the dead smelt in the lesson book. They all laughed, even her papa. It pained Jervaulx, the memory of that smelt, and somehow the smelt led to the page of the book it had adorned, and that page led to the parallel postulate of Euclid, and differential geometry, and then amid the lingering chuckles from some obscure jest about his passion for examining into the allure of certain irresistible curved surfaces, he was turning to nod expectantly at her. Maddy jumped to her feet, took up the chalk and began filling the big slate. She was accustomed to the duke's handwriting, but it was difficult to decipher at the best of times. She dared not make any mistakes now, bending her entire concentration to transcribing correctly the order of equations and copying the circles and the lines that transected them. Endless hours of work with her papa had given her a knack for following the sequence under consideration; she listened for certain series as Jervaulx spoke of them, judging when to proceed to the next formula and erase the last to gain more room. She only faltered once, lingering too long on a page, until Jervaulx's pause when he turned toward the slate cued her to her error; she hastily scrubbed off five equations and scribbled out the top half of the duke's next page. When she reached the last of his notes, she was ahead of him; he was still describing the progression of the proof several steps back. But as Maddy finished copying the final equation, adding a flourish to the integral between zero and r out of pure relief, and immediately sat down, a rustle began to grow within the audience. Jervaulx kept speaking. Slowly, gentlemen in the audience began to stand up—one, then another, then by twos and threes and fives, all gazing at the slate. Someone started to clap. Others took it up. A rumble developed into a reverberation as more and more stood. The clapping became applause, and the applause rose to a roar, drowning out words. The duke stopped speaking. Amid the resounding acclaim, he looked back at Maddy with a grin and made a little motion behind the podium toward her papa—but Mr. Milner was already escorting him up onto the floor. The vigor and sound of the ovation doubled; the gentlemen began stamping their feet, making the room vibrate with noise. Maddy stood up, taking Papa's hand to squeeze it in delight. He patted the back of her palm, and the little quivering smile at the corners of his lips, the exhilaration in his face, was something Maddy had not seen since the day her mother had died six years ago. Pure energy boomed around them, a tangible throb of tribute. Jervaulx reached out and shook her father's hand, holding onto it when Papa refused to let go. The duke inclined his head a little, with a half-embarrassed smile: a look, if Maddy could have brought herself to believe it, that spoke almost of shyness. For an instant one might nearly imagine him an eager and awkward boy, full of innocent enthusiasm—and then he turned to her and lifted her hand, bending over it with a glance into her eyes that was completely a schooled and experienced man's: a suggestive intimacy that would mark a rogue at fifty paces. He leaned close to her ear, using her hand to hold her so near that she could feel the warmth of him and breathe the faint whiff of sandalwood. "What do you think, Miss Archimedea?" he said, just loud enough to be heard above the din. Maddy took a step back, pulling away. "What have we done?" "What have you done?" President Milner bellowed. "Proved a geometry outside Euclid, m'girl! Burst the parallel postulate! A whole new universe! By God, if this is as flawless as it looks to be—" He clapped Papa and the duke both upon the back, shouting amid the clamor. "The pair of you are wizards, my men! Wizards!" "The credit must all go to thee, Friend," Papa repeated yet again. Maddy had counted six times; this one was the seventh. "Verily it must." Jervaulx shook his head and took a sip of wine. "Nonsense, Mr. Timms." He smiled wickedly. "You're going to do the hard part. Write the paper." The four of them sat at a round table in the bay window of a lovely, cozy room overlooking the darkened square. Maddy had never penetrated this far into the duke's house before; the blue chintz and comfortable chairs surprised her. She had not thought a bachelor would be able to make such a warm home for himself. He looked bachelor enough, though, having pushed his chair back from the cleared table for room to stretch his legs, dangling his wineglass by negligent fingers at the rim. Maddy sat primly in her seat, taking only indirect glances round the room to see how it was fitted up. Papa was flushed and contented, a little abstracted, as if he still could not believe that the peak moment of the evening were true: when the Duke of Jervaulx, over an exotic and delicious creation of fish and asparagus, had casually asked if her father would consider taking the mathematical chair at the new college that he and his political associates were organizing, where there would be no religious tests for entry, but only the express purpose of educating adult students in the whole field of modern knowledge. It came as something of a jolt to realize that the duke might actually be a supporter of a worthy cause. But indeed, he was so intelligent and persuasive upon the topic, and so committed, that even Friend Milner—who was a High Church Tory if Maddy had ever seen one and who had initially been quite cross when the Timmses had addressed him as "Friend" instead of "Sir Charles," although he had grown used to it in time—even Friend Milner had his initial doubts turned to enthusiasm and recommended Papa consider the proposition seriously. Papa, Maddy could see, had gone far beyond consideration and plunged ahead into cheerful daydreams. And indeed, when the duke mentioned the endowment that he had already pledged in support of the mathematical chair, Maddy herself felt a bloom of encouragement. It would be unwelcome to have a gazetted rake as a patron, but there need not be more than restricted intercourse, if any at all. She entertained visions of a house large enough to have a garden, and a parlor bell that was always in order. In the midst of these pleasant fancies, Friend Milner excused himself to smoke. He left the door ajar; within moments, the brisk clip of dog paws on a polished floor heralded the entrance of a setter, its silky white coat flung about with black spots, as if a can of dark paint had been scattered over it. With no more than a sideways glance at the duke, the animal bounded straight to Maddy and cast itself upon her lap, forelegs spread across her skirt and spotted pink nose stretched to lick her chin. "Devil!" The stern command caused the dog to look inquiringly round at Jervaulx, wagging its tail without removing its feathered front legs from Maddy's lap. She smiled and rubbed its ears. "What a bad dog," she murmured under her breath, as if it were a secret between them. "What a very bad dog thou art." Devil returned adoring brown eyes to hers, grinning widely at this accusation. Another growled order from the duke made the spotted head sink. With an apologetic wrinkle of his brow, Devil subsided backward onto the floor. Jervaulx gave the animal a protracted stare. After a moment, Devil's tail drooped, and he took himself from the room with the most dejected and dragging aspect. His master, heartless, stood up and shut him out. The eviction of Devil left a lull in the room. Maddy stared ahead of her at the snowy tablecloth as the duke reseated himself with a brief apology. She had a notion that Jervaulx would think the Timmses very unpolished; there were so many silences that he and Friend Milner had been obliged to fill up. Maddy was not accustomed to idle talk; as a child she had labored too hard to school herself in the biblical injunction "Let your words be few" to find it easy to chatter now. She enjoyed dogs, but had never owned one, nor known any but mongrels, so she had no discourse to offer on the topic to someone like Jervaulx, who most probably was a famous breeder or some such thing and would think her sadly uninformed. She would have liked very much to inquire into the expense of the pretty fabric that covered the chairs, but held her tongue on that. Plain Quaker homes had no such creaturely baubles as printed chintz upholstery or paintings on display on all the walls. The only picture in the Timms house was a rather awkward painting of a slave ship, approved by the elders as a reminder of the sufferings of their fellow man. As she was gazing at an ornately framed still life hung over a music stand, with the surprisingly demure theme of rough-cut lilac stems thrown down beside a clutch of robin's eggs, Jervaulx spoke. "How long ago did you lose your sight, Mr. Timms?" he asked. Maddy stiffened a little in her chair, surprised by such a pointed personal question. But her papa only said mildly, "Many years. Almost...fifteen, would it be, Maddy?" "Eighteen, Papa," she said quietly. "Ah." He nodded. "And thou hast been my blessing every one of them, Maddy girl." Jervaulx sat relaxed, resting his elbow on the chair arm, his jaw propped on his fist. "You haven't seen your daughter since she was a child, then," he murmured. "May I describe her to you?" She was unprepared for such a suggestion, or for the light of interest that dawned in her father's face. Her objection died forming as Papa said, "Wilt thou? Wilt thou indeed?" Jervaulx gazed at Maddy. As she felt her face growing hot, his smile turned into that unprincipled grin, and he said, "It would be my pleasure." He tilted his head, studying her. "We've made her blush already, I fear—a very delicate blush, the color of...clouds, I think. The way the mist turns pink at dawn—do you remember what I mean?" "Yes," her father said seriously. "Her face is...dignified, but not quite stern. Softer than that, but she has a certain way of turning up her chin that might give a man pause. She's taller than you are, but not unbecomingly tall. It's that chin, I think, and a very upright, quiet way she holds herself. It gives her presence. But she only comes to my nose, so...she must be a good five inches under six foot one," he said judiciously. "She appears to me to be healthy, not too stout nor thin. In excellent frame." "Rather like a good milk cow!" Maddy exclaimed. "And there goes the chin up," Jervaulx said. "She's perhaps a little more the color of a light claret, now that I've provoked her. All the way from her throat to her cheeks—even a little lower than her throat, but she's perfectly pale and soft below that, as far as I can see." Maddy clapped her hand over the V neck of her gown, suddenly feeling that it must be entirely too low-cut. "Papa—" She looked to her father, but he had his face turned downward and a peculiar smile on his lips. "Her hair," Jervaulx said, "is tarnished gold where the candlelight touches it, and where it doesn't...richer—more like the light through a dark ale as you pour it. She has it braided and coiled around her head. I believe she thinks that it's a plain style, but she doesn't realize the effect. It shows the curve of her neck and her throat, and makes a man think of taking it down and letting it spread out over his hands." "Thou art unseemly," her father chided in a mild tone. "My apologies, Mr. Timms. I can hardly help myself. Shall we proceed to her nose? That, we shall call a nose of—character. I don't think we can call it perfect; it's a little too aquiline for that. A decided nose. A maiden lady's nose. It goes with the tilt of the chin. But her eyes...I'm afraid her eyes ruin the spinster effect again, most emphatically. And her mouth. She has a pensive, a very pretty mouth, that doesn't smile overly often." He took a sip of wine. "But then again—let's be fair. I've definitely seen her smile at you, but she hasn't favored me at all. This serious mouth might have been insipid, but instead it goes with the wonderful long lashes that haven't got that silly debutante curl. They're straight, but they're so long and angled down that they shadow her eyes and turn the hazel to gold, and she seems as if she's looking out through them at me. No..." He shook his head sadly. "Miss Timms, I regret to tell you that it isn't a spinster effect at all. I've never had a spinster look out beneath her lashes at me the way you do." In his house, at his table, she felt that she could not say precisely what she thought of him and his spinsters. Besides that, her father appeared enraptured. "Maddy," he whispered. "Thou hast thy mother's look." "Of course, Papa," she said helplessly. "Has no one ever told thee?" "No. No one ever did." He said it without any particular emotion. But by the candlelight, she could see that his eyes had tears in them. "Papa," she said, reaching for his hand. He only brushed it, and then lifted his fingers, touching her face. He explored her slowly, intently, over her cheeks and across her eyelashes. She held her hands locked tight, embarrassed and suddenly close to foolish tears herself. She had never thought of it: she could have sat and let her father envision her with his touch in this way any time. He looked so happy. It was just that life went on, an everyday thing, and one never considered that Papa had not seen her face for eighteen years, or might wish to. "I thank thee, Friend," her father said, turning his face toward the duke. "I thank thee. For one of the finest days of my life." Jervaulx didn't answer. He didn't even seem to have heard, but sat gazing into the shadowed folds of the tablecloth, his dark blue eyes meditative and his pirate mouth turned grim.
No pink tinged the dawn fog in the way he'd described last night. Rather poetic of him, Christian had thought, but in reality everything was only whitish-gray, the grass wet and dark, voices uncanny and sharp in the early silence. He could hear his own even breathing as he took the pistol from the case Durham offered and sighted down the slender barrel. He didn't think he was going to die this morning. He wasn't going to kill anyone, that was certain. Being guilty as the devil in this affair, his only honorable course was to stand fire and then delope. He'd shoot into the air. So—Sutherland might hit him. Likely would. But Christian didn't think he was going to die. He found it distantly amusing that he was so sure of that. He was old enough to know better. A decade and a half ago, the first time he'd stood up at the fire-eating age of seventeen, he might have been excused for believing himself invincible. But now...he looked around at the brightening sky and the new leaves—and still his heart said it was impossible that this was the last moment. Wounding was nothing to look forward to. He chose not to think ahead about it. He could feel his heart's rhythm rising as he walked out onto the ground without looking at Sutherland beside him. They stood up and paced off. Christian held the pistol in his right hand, there being no need for accuracy. It gave a better appearance; those who knew him would see that he'd had no intention of firing on Sutherland from the start. Durham's languid voice called halt and turn. Christian turned. Sutherland had his pistol raised already. Christian realized that there was murder in his opponent's face. The man intended execution; he had the skill to do it. Christian's pulse increased suddenly, a fierce thud in his ears. "Gentlemen," Durham said, lifting his handkerchief. Pain burst through Christian's skull, agony and strangeness. He stared at Sutherland, blinking twice, wondering why he hadn't heard the shot that hit him. Durham spoke again. Christian couldn't understand the words. Sutherland's face contorted; he was shouting something at Christian, and Christian couldn't understand that either, but Sutherland was holding his gun at level ready still. Christian tried to lift his right arm. He squinted at Sutherland, trying to see through the way his vision seemed clear and blurred at once, turning his face to the side to find his opponent. Durham spoke one word. From his fingers, the pale cloth dropped to the ground. Christian heard the shot and whistle, saw the drift of white from Sutherland's pistol and knew the man had missed, but Christian was falling while he was still standing up. His pistol dropped out of his hand. It went off with a blast as it struck the ground. Christian stood swaying, staring down, trying to see it. He'd been hit. Had he been hit? Durham and Fane came striding toward him. He felt that he was falling, over and over, but he never reached the ground. Their words babbled around him, meaningless. He tried to put out his right hand to lean on Fane's shoulder, but he couldn't lift it. When he looked down, it didn't even seem part of him. He could barely see. He tried to find the blood, couldn't find it, and gazed in bewilderment at his friends. "What's wrong?" he said. It came out, no. No, no, no, no. Fane shook his head and grinned, thumping Christian on the back with a look of triumph. Durham was smiling. Christian grabbed the colonel's arm with his left hand. "Fane," he said. "What happened?" No, no, no, no, no. He heard himself. He closed his mouth in horror, tried to form the right words, breathing hard through his teeth. "Fane!" he yelled. And they stared at him, because he still hadn't said it right. He gripped Fane's arm. Half of the other man's face seemed hazy to Christian, blurring off into the gray fog. His heart was a huge drum pounding in his ears. He wanted to let go of Fane, to press his hands over his eyes, but he couldn't command the move. He couldn't say anything at all. He could only pull himself close enough to put his weight on his friend's shoulder, with the world tipping and sliding away from him, the darkness rising up over his brain, coming in from the edges of his vision, taking it all; taking everything... The fineness of the morning could only add to the pleasure Maddy felt in the day. She strolled briskly along the King's Road and past the new construction in Eaton Square, even finding it in herself to admire the architecture of the mansions under construction, designed as they were in the style of the duke's house in Belgrave Square. This morning, over breakfast, she and Papa had talked of nothing but the chair at the university-to-be. Jervaulx had said it was to open its doors next year, under the admirable name of the University of London, but the professorships and preparations must begin much sooner, possibly as early as Ninth Month. A premises had already been taken in Gower Street, and Maddy thought that after she called in Belgrave Square, she might go on to Bloomsbury and look into any houses available there. For this call, she carried no sheets of figures, only a letter that she and her father had composed together, thanking Jervaulx for their supper and his kind attentions, and expressing unqualified praise for his excellent address before the Society last night. After some debate, they had agreed on the proper degree of gratitude and enthusiasm to convey about the mathematics chair—Maddy being inclined to somewhat less effusion than her father, but well aware that an apparent lack of delight in the offer would be fatal. She turned the corner into the square and paused. Normally there were a few ragged persons loitering about the luxurious houses in hopes of stray coins, but just now a regular crowd of bystanders, very mixed in their appearance, milled around a green curricle in front of the duke's house. Maddy pressed her lips together. There was straw strewn in the street and the curricle, with its neat pair of grays, had much the look of a physician's rig. As she stood hesitating at the corner, a large coach, drawn by a team of blacks and emblazoned with a raised medallion sporting the full heraldic bearings and crest of the family, motto and all, came dashing round the far side of the square. The cluster of onlookers scattered, and the boy holding the curricle hurried the pair forward to make room as the coach rumbled to a halt before the door. Even before the footman had jumped down off his perch to lower the steps, the carriage door was being pushed open from inside. An elderly lady groped for the footman's hand and came swiftly down, lifting up her black skirts and advancing with an agitated thrust of her cane. Maddy saw Calvin rush down the stairs to her side; he held her arm up the stairs, as a younger woman descended from the carriage. The footman supported her to the top of the stairs, where this second lady appeared to lose her strength entirely: she faltered and seemed to wilt against the servant. His arm came around her, bracing her into the house. The door slammed shut behind them. The little crowd stood about, murmuring. Maddy could not seem to think what to do. Her feet took her slowly forward, step by step, as if her mind had relegated the decision to her body. At the edge of the group, leaning against the wrought iron rail that flanked the house, the crossing boy who usually swept the corner looked up at Maddy and gave her a nod of recognition. She stood uncertainly, and after a moment, he came up to her. "'Mornin', Miss. Has you heard?" She glanced up. The windows were all shaded ominously. And straw was spread in the street to muffle carriage wheels, as if there were serious illness in the house... "No. I haven't heard." "It's His Grace, Miss. Shot." "Shot?" Maddy whispered. The boy nodded toward the coach. "Family's been called," he said succinctly. "Too late, Tom says. Tom's in the stables, saw 'em go out before first light; saw his grace brung back on a hurdle. Duel, Miss. Gone and kilt him, Tom says. Dead when they carried him in." He shrugged. "Still—there's the medical man here yet. Waitin' for the family, I expect." Maddy stared up at the house, beyond words. The murmur of gossip subsided suddenly. They all stood listening to what had stifled it: the distant sound of a woman's shriek—a tearing, rising note—the high-pitched keening moan of denial, cascading down to anguish. Maddy's throat went dry and closed. The wail broke off abruptly as if someone else had hushed it, and the people outside gave one another knowing looks. She gripped her hands together. She couldn't think. She didn't believe it. Last night, just last night—she had never seen anyone more fully alive, more vibrant with spirit and substance. A duel. A senseless, futile exchange of shots. An instant, and all that life was gone. How could that be? Her mind balked at it. She had known him to be what he was: a rake, a reprobate—before yesterday she would have said, yes, I believe it, the Duke of Jervaulx was shot and killed in a duel this morning. But now it shocked her into suspension, so that when she turned away, she didn't know where to go or what to do. She walked along blindly, clutching her hands together. He'd known last night, of course. He'd sat there smiling at them, talking of geometry, describing her to her father. All the time, he'd known he was to go out and face this in a few hours. It was beyond the capability of her mind to grasp. She'd lost her mother, and some friends, all to illness, all much older—not this sudden dizzying turn in reality. And his own mother—dear God, what she must feel! She was the second of the two ladies, Maddy was sure in her heart, remembering that faltering collapse at the door. Oh, she had perceived it already, had known before they told her, had given that terrible cry when she was sure. The other—in black, the elderly one who had gone in as if to a battle—it would be she who would show nothing, stand stiff and proud, grieving silently. Maddy felt somehow as if she should be there, offering what help she could to them. She found herself instead inside the door of her parlor, in her own little house. Her papa lifted his head, smiling. "Home already, Maddy girl?" "Oh, Papa!" she said. His smile faded. He sat up. "What is it?" "I hardly know—I don't—" She gave a little dry moan, holding onto the doorknob. "He's dead, Papa! He was killed in a duel this morning!" Her father sat very still, his hands poised over his wooden symbols. After a long, silent moment, he said, "Dead." The word had a hollow sound. Maddy sank to her knees beside him, leaning her head in his lap. "It is—such a shock." His fingers rested on her hair. She hadn't put on her bonnet today; she wore her hair in the same braids she'd worn last night. He stroked lightly up and down the nape of her neck. He touched her cheek and caught the single tear that had escaped. Maddy lifted her head. "I don't know why I'm—why I should be weeping! I didn't even like him!" "Didst thou not, Maddy girl?" he asked softly. "I did." He went on stroking her hair. She rested her cheek against his leg, staring off into the corner of the room. "I can't believe it," she whispered. "I just cannot seem to believe it."
Blythedale Hall looked to Maddy like a handsomely decorated cake, with soft salmon-colored brick set off by straight pilasters and arched curves of pale stone frosting. Cousin Edward's new retreat included a large piece of Buckinghamshire countryside, with a rose garden heavy in Tenth Month blossoms, a herd of fallow deer roaming the open park, and black swans gliding serenely on the lake, all legacies of the impoverished baronet who had sold it and now carefully maintained for the calming and beneficiary effects upon Cousin Edward's patients. Papa's cousin Dr. Edward Timms supervised Blythedale in the most modern and humane manner. Each of his charges had his own personal attendant; a wholesome restraint was imposed only in the most intractable cases and removed as quickly as practicable. He was dedicated to his work, describing the therapies and management in enthusiastic detail in between cutting up bacon for himself and inviting Papa to take another kipper or more coffee. Maddy could hear a woman crying—a most disturbing and audible sound—but Cousin Edward seemed not to notice it, and after a while it faded away. She sipped at her coffee, trying to arm herself for the tour ahead: her first view of the place and people, and a description of her position. Cousin Edward had assured her that the duties were of a supervisory nature, rather than heavy work. There would be an experienced attendant to serve Papa while she was occupied, and altogether it had seemed impossible to refuse Cousin Edward's invitation to come and assume his wife's managerial functions while she was confined with her third child, on the expectation that if all went satisfactorily, the post might become Maddy's permanently. The offer appeared especially propitious after the disappointment of the letter regarding the mathematical chair, from one Henry Brougham, regretting that the funds pledged by the Duke of Jervaulx had been withdrawn and the chair endowed by another source, a gentleman who wished to remain anonymous but who preferred a different candidate to Mr. Timms. And verily, Buckinghamshire and Blythedale seemed perfect in the autumn morning, with sunlight warming the newly painted marigold-yellow walls of the dining room, sparkling off the silver and fine porcelain plate that had been surrendered by the penniless baronet along with the paintings and furniture. The house smelled of fresh wax and new hangings. Nothing dismal had been allowed to remain, Cousin Edward pointed out. Everything was peaceful and pleasant, if far too sumptuous for Maddy's notion of Quakerly virtue. But the surroundings were fitted up to the well-bred tastes of Cousin Edward's patients. There was only that distant sound of weeping to mar the opulence, coming again through the closed doors like some lost and grieving daylight ghost. "Shall we begin, Cousin?" The doctor wiped his mouth and lifted the bell at his elbow. "Janie, call Blackwell to escort Mr. Timms to the family drawing room." The maid curtsied, spreading her apron, and vanished. Papa's aide arrived a moment later, the whole procedure a clockwork silence. After Maddy had seen him off, Cousin Edward escorted her to his office on the first floor. "The mail." He nodded toward a basket on his desk. Cousin Edward had the same soft, comfortable, placid features as her father, but his dark eyes were quick and intelligent, his mouth pursing often. He did not strictly adhere to Plain Dress or Plain Speech. Though there was no collar on his coat, it was made of visibly costly fabric. If he seemed pleased with himself, Maddy supposed that he had a right to be, as the most successful member of the Timms family, with a flourishing practice in his medical specialty and his fresh, enlarged and luxurious premises at Blythedale. "That will be one of your duties," he said, "sorting the post directly it arrives. Open mine and leave it in the basket; whatever is addressed to the patients must be added to their files." She looked up at him. "Copied, dost thou mean?" "No need for that. Simply open and file the letters themselves. Or if you feel that the contents are important or unusual, bring them to me. On occasion, an edited version isn't amiss." "Excuse me—I'm not certain..." She touched the pile of mail. "Dost thou intend that the patients aren't to have their letters?" "It's imperative that we maintain our clients in a state of complete tranquility and quiet at all times. Close communications with families is bound to overexcite. We recommend that the relatives not write at all, but as you can see, they will insist." "Oh," Maddy said. "And I remind you that none of the patients presently under care are of our persuasion. I must request that you refrain from using the Plain Speech. Some of them find it offensive to be addressed so familiarly." He flushed slightly under Maddy's grave stare. "We may use it among ourselves, of course—there is no question of that. But perhaps it would be best to have a policy of restricting it to the private rooms." "I shall try, but—" "I'm sure you can do it. Take your cue from me. Just let me get my casebook—we'll introduce you to everyone first. We're like a family here; it's important that you always think in that way. I feel myself a father to every poor soul who comes to Blythedale. And you'll find the patients very like children. Think of them as such, and you won't go far wrong." "Yes," she said. Somewhere in the house, several tenors had taken up a cheerful rendition of some song, while a man began shouting unintelligibly, hysterically, over the notes. "You'll grow accustomed to it," her father's cousin said, smiling a little. "Some are recovering, but some are very ill." "Yes," she said, and drew a breath. "I understand." There were, at present, fifteen patients at Blythedale Hall, fifteen unfortunate ladies and gentlemen who were yet fortunate enough that their families would pay for their residence and treatment at the most lavish private lunatic asylum in the country. With the excellent reputation of Dr. Edward Timms for moral and medical therapy, Blythedale was even more exclusive than Dr. Newington's Ticehurst House in Sussex. Families were not encouraged to visit at Blythedale, but anyone without a personal connection to a patient was welcome at any time to tour the asylum with the attendance of an aide. The house had nothing to hide behind its walls, nothing inhumane or degrading. The most up-to-date treatments of wholesome diet, cold baths, calming routine and rehabilitating entertainment were practiced in an orderly atmosphere at Blythedale. The ladies sewed and walked in the rose garden, played battledore, took soothing herbal teas, sometimes were allowed to sketch outdoor scenes. The gentlemen followed the same regimen, except that in place of sewing, they had gymnastics and chess and the selection of books provided in the library, and might walk as far afield as the home wood to collect flowers and leaves for the ladies to sketch. Everyone who was capable could attend weekly scientific lectures and play cards, and there was an Anglican vicar who conducted services for all but the most unruly. Blythedale was singular and forward-thinking among asylums, Cousin Edward informed her, in that a particular effort was made to mix the sexes in a normal social atmosphere, which the one-to-one ratio of attendants made both plausible and safe. He took her first to the drawing room, where the singers were gathered around a flutist. The terrible shouting had stopped, but one of the tenors wore a strait-waistcoat, its white sleeves tied behind his back. His attendant, a wiry, muscular young man with a look of the farm about him, stood close by. As Maddy and Dr. Timms entered, the patient gazed at her hopefully. "Have you come to take me home?" the man in the strait-waistcoat asked her. "I'm supposed to go home today." "This afternoon," Cousin Edward said, "Kelly will take you for a walk." His face began to color. "But I must go home! My wife is dying!" Cousin Edward glanced at the attendant. Kelly said, "Let's sit down and rest, Master John." "She's calling me. I am the redeemed of Jesus Christ!" The man flung himself forward. Kelly caught him deftly by a strap on the back of the waistcoat, hauling him reeling off-balance. "I am the redeemed of the redeemed of the Lord! My wife died for me! She sacrificed her life for me! I'm saved, do you hear me, sir? I tell you I'm—" His voice kept rising, going faster and higher as Kelly tugged him toward the door. The rest of the patients, three other men and five ladies, appeared unconcerned, except for one of the tenors, who began to laugh. A girl, young and quite lovely, dressed in an elegant gown, sat staring out the window without emotion, while next to her a woman bent over her sewing, rocking and whispering. The tenor's laughter died away, and he bit his lip with an apologetic look at Maddy. The wild shouting went on, growing distant, but Cousin Edward began to introduce her to each patient, whether or not he got a reply, and then to the patient's attendant. He made notes in his book, and handed it to Maddy to read the details. "Miss Susanna's illness is melancholia," he said. "It troubles her very deeply. How do you feel today, Miss Susanna?" "I'm fine," the girl said listlessly. "Do you care to sing?" "No, thank you, Doctor." Mind is full of apprehensions—Maddy read. Suffers torments from the most trivial thoughts—poor appetite, restless sleep—talks of suicide, attempted to destroy herself by drowning—formerly was happy and willing in common feminine pursuits—melancholia followed upon disturbances in menstruation brought on by overstimulation of the mind with excessive schoolwork and intellectual endeavors, diverting blood flow from nourishment of female organs. He smiled and patted Miss Susanna's shoulder and moved on. Maddy was introduced to Mrs. Humphrey, who suffered from dementia and progressive idiocy. The lady smiled cheerfully and asked Maddy if she were one of the Cunninghams. "No," Maddy said. "I'm Archimedea Timms." "I saw you in India." Mrs. Humphrey had about her the slightly sour tang of an unchanged baby. "You took my clothes off." "Oh, no. Thou art—you're mistaken." "At half past six." Mrs. Humphrey nodded. "That would be hats." Does not recognize husband or children, the casebook said. Dementia and progressive deterioration of intellect precipitated by onset of the climacteric disease of women. "Please help Mrs. Humphrey to her room for attention," the doctor said to her attendant. He had a little frown between his brows. "I must ask that you be more vigilant of hygienic concerns." The patients in the drawing room represented the most manageable of Blythedale's inmates, Maddy found. Master Philip, the tenor, felt fuzzy, and his food tasted strange. He laughed whenever he heard something sad, he told Maddy, which was very upsetting to him. He giggled as he said it. Lady Emmaline roundly insisted that she was an orphan, a foundling who had lost her family to the guillotine, in spite of Cousin Edward's gentle suggestion that her parents were Lord and Lady Cathcarte, who resided in Leicestershire very much alive. But her navel was disappearing, Lady Emmaline informed him stoutly, as if that proved her case. Beyond those in the parlor, other patients were confined to their rooms behind doubled doors, the outer of heavy wood, the inner of iron bars. Most of the furniture had been removed except for the patient's bed and a cot for the attendant. Mania, read the book, dangerous and destructive—derangement and breakdown precipitated by the overstudy of religion. And in another case, Violent epileptic—restraint required at all times. And another: Dementia—confused speech—hallucinatory—incontinent—atrophy of the emotions. Yet even with these patients, Cousin Edward spoke personally, and repeated to Maddy the advantage of strict daily routine, plain, wholesome food and habits of discipline in reestablishing self-control and diverting weakened minds from unhealthy preoccupations. Maddy tried to believe him. She tried to absorb his matter-of-fact and optimistic humor, but mostly she wished she might curl up in her own bed in Chelsea and weep for these poor creatures. She'd thought herself strong-minded, an experienced sickroom nurse, but the accumulated introductions of the day made Blythedale Hall seem a very comfortable and ghastly sort of purgatory. "Ah—we're having ourselves shaved," Cousin Edward said, looking through a set of the open bars that replaced doors on the rooms of the most violent patients. He paused before unlocking the door, and leaned over to murmur to Maddy, "This is one of our most tragic cases, I fear. An example of moral insanity which has blossomed into mania." She bit her lip, wishing that he hadn't told her. It made her even more reluctant than before to lift her face and look at the next unfortunate inmate of the asylum. "Good afternoon," the doctor said warmly as he moved inside. "How do you do today, sir?" The patient made no answer, and the attendant said, "Not a bad day, Doctor. Not too bad." Maddy finally forced herself to step into the doorway and lift her head. The burly attendant stropped a razor; he looked like a prizefighter, with his hair cut close as fuzz to his head. A few feet away, in pale breeches and white shirtsleeves, manacled by one arm to the bedstead, another man stood silhouetted, staring away from them out the window. "Friend," she compelled herself to say in greeting, in as normal a tone as she could muster. He turned around suddenly, the motion caught halfway with a sharp steel clangor, his dark hair falling wildly over his forehead, the deep blue eyes intense, frozen cobalt rage: a caged and bound pirate, a brute at bay. Maddy lost her voice. He stared at her, silent. No flicker of recognition. Nothing. "Thou!" Maddy whispered. He lowered his face a little, looking at her from beneath his eyelashes. Wariness, anger, a deep and powerful passion—they were all in his face, in his stance, in the concentrated and uneven exhalation with his jaw shut hard and his unbound hand flexing open wide and closed, over and over again. "Dost thou—not remember?" she asked hesitantly. "I'm Maddy Timms. Archimedea Timms." "Why, are you acquainted?" her cousin asked in surprise. Maddy looked away from the barbaric figure at the window. "Well, yes, Papa and I...it is the Duke of Jervaulx, is it not?" The words would hardly come out. "Well, well. Indeed, it is. Master Christian has come to visit us for a spell." Master Christian stared at Cousin Edward as if he would like to tear out the doctor's throat with his bare hands. Her cousin smiled benignly at his patient. "This is a cheerful coincidence." He gestured toward Maddy. "Do you remember Miss Timms, Master Christian?" Jervaulx's glance flicked from Cousin Edward to her and back again. Then he leaned on the windowsill, resting his head back against the barred panes. "His understanding is limited," Cousin Edward said. "In the scope of a two-year-old child's. As I say, it appears that he has a history of moral insanity, with a sudden onset of degeneration into dementia. And mania, most particularly when crossed. The apoplexy left him in a state of unconsciousness for two days, and early in the coma his vital signs were depressed to the degree that he was thought lifeless." "Yes," Maddy said in a constricted voice. "That is—we had understood that he had—been killed." "It's an interesting story. This is entirely confidential, of course; you must not speak of it abroad, but the event that excited this state in him was an engagement of honor, fought with pistols. He wasn't injured, but the sensation of the moment appears to have precipitated the seizure. The doctor had literally declared him deceased and ordered the body to be laid out, but the duke's dogs created such a frenzy that the mortuary attendants couldn't touch him." Cousin Edward shook his head. "One shudders to think, if those animals hadn't acted as they did. But the noise seems to have reached him in some way—produced enough movement and pulse that life was seen to be preserved. And of course, over time he regained consciousness and the motion of his limbs. But he was left in this state of maniacal idiocy." Cousin Edward made a note in his book, looked up at Jervaulx consideringly, and wrote again. He closed the casebook with a snap and handed it to Maddy. "Of course, you know that indulgence and a lack of moral discipline predisposes the mind to irrationality. He doesn't speak, and his primitive emotions rule him. This is very common in such cases, where the prior foundation is laid in vice and perversity: there's a breakdown, a loss of moral sense that gives free rein to instinctive appetites and desires, in utter violation of former refined habits. Physically, he's quite strong—am I right, Larkin?" The attendant gave an assenting snort. "Aye, that he is. Barring the right hand. You see I've only got the left tied up—that's the one you have to watch for." He laid down the razor. "Minimal restraint," Cousin Edward said, nodding in approval. "Physically he's vigorous, but otherwise reduced to the animal nature." Larkin went to pull the bell. "We'll see how he feels about shaving today. Yesterday we had to go to the waistcoat and a cradle both." Maddy lowered her gaze, unable to bear it. To meet those potent, silent eyes. She felt flung down, beaten, miserable. That he would be here... He would rather be dead. She could look at him and know it. She held the book against her skirt. "Will he be cured?" "Ah—" Her cousin drew his lower lip over the upper. He raised his eyebrows. "I won't pretend the case isn't grave. His mother is a very good, benevolent Christian woman, active with great zeal in charities and evangelism in her church. She has suggested to me that her son has a long history of unsubdued self-indulgence and rebelliousness. With such passionate and ill-regulated habits..." He sighed. "Well, what I'll say is—that if we cannot cure him at Blythedale, it cannot be done." Maddy clutched the book. "And what treatments dost—do you follow?" "The regulated schedule is the most important, of course, to instill a habit of self-discipline and evenness of mind. Complete quiet, frequent exercise to calm him, a progression of therapeutic baths, a course of reading aloud, the subject matter selected to stimulate the sluggish intellect and inspire temperance. No drawing. Pens and writing instruments seem to provoke him to the most violent excitations. Nerve tonics he'll ingest only by force. I'm afraid we haven't seen any progression toward the point at which he can be trusted in the drawing room with the orderly patients, but he is soon to take walks with the other maniacs in order to prevent him from feeling isolated." Jervaulx crossed his arms, the chain rattling upward. Maddy lifted her face and looked at him. His expression had relaxed, gone from suppressed savagery to a hint of cynicism. He looked back at her with a half-smile, tilted up on one side. It was startling. He appeared himself again, the self-possessed aristocrat; she almost expected him to speak or nod, but he did neither. He only smiled at her, with an interest that reminded her of the roguish way he'd observed her that night he'd described her to her father. She felt suddenly certain that he did remember her. "Jervaulx," she said, taking a step forward. "My Papa is here also. John Timms. Thou—you worked together with him on the new geometry." His smile faded slightly. He looked at her very intently, his head tilted a little to one side, the way a dog would look as it tried to penetrate the mystery of some human behavior. She noticed that he watched her mouth as she spoke—but he wasn't deaf; he'd turned instantly toward the sound of a voice. "Wouldst thou like Papa to come and call on thee?" she asked. He inclined his head politely in assent. Maddy felt a spurt of excitement. He had responded with perfect intelligence to that, certainly. She glanced at Cousin Edward. The doctor only shook his head. "He's trying to please you. Maniacs can be rather sly, at times. Ask him, in that same tone, if he's the king of Spain." She would not do that; it seemed too cheap a trick. She could not believe there was only a two-year-old's mind left behind those eyes. Instead, she said, "Thou never looked to discover me here, didst thou?" The chain rattled faintly as he shifted. He considered her—and shook his head. As he did it, she realized that she'd put a negative tone in her question, and cued him to answer no. "Thou dost not understand me," she said in disappointment. He hesitated, with a penetrating look, and then only stood silent, his mouth a sullen curve. "I'm sorry," she said impulsively. "I'm so sorry this affliction hast come to thee." He gave her that cynical, one-sided smile. Standing straight, he reached out his chained hand, as if to lift hers and bow. Maddy automatically took it. He bent over—and suddenly jerked her up toward him, whirling her into his chest, his chained hand at her throat, his other arm crushing her back into his chest. "The razor!" her cousin shouted. "Good God—Larkin!" The attendant spun around, holding the water he'd just taken from the maid at the door. He dropped the pail, cascading liquid over the woven rug, and lunged toward them. But Jervaulx made a bloodchilling sound, a guttural snarl, as he held the razor blade at Maddy's jaw. Larkin stopped short. Maddy could see Jervaulx's thumb against the blade from the corner of her eye, see Larkin and Cousin Edward and the maid at the door, all in a suspended moment. Jervaulx held her, his arm pressing into her waist, ruthless, his breathing a hiss through his teeth at her ear. "Don't struggle," Cousin Edward said evenly. "Don't do anything." Maddy had no idea of struggle. It hurt, the way he held her; she could feel herself no match for the strength of his grip. He was tense, a hard, hot, shifting wall against her back, his wrist digging into her as he forced her with him as far as the chain reached and hooked his foot around the shaving table. He drew it toward them, maneuvering carefully, pausing when it threatened to topple and then nudging it closer again. Cousin Edward began talking in a soothing voice, but Jervaulx ignored it. He took the razor from Maddy's throat; in one wide swing he sent the copper shaving bowl clattering to the floor with his fist. The chain babbled along the edge of the table as he dragged the razor blade in a straight slash up the center of the varnished top, creating a pale incision. He held Maddy tightly. She felt his muscles move and work as he inverted his wrist and crossed the first line with another. When Larkin took a step toward them, the blade came up instantly to her throat. She listened to the harsh breath at her ear, felt the heat of it on her skin and the pump of her own heart and his. "Let him," Cousin Edward murmured. "Let him finish." Jervaulx waited, holding the razor just touching her skin. Cousin Edward nodded toward him. "You may go on, Master Christian." After a moment, Jervaulx's fist curled harder on the razor handle, and he placed the end of the blade at the intersection of the cross. With an effort that Maddy felt all through his body, he drew an even, sinuous S-curve along the axis of the line. He dropped the razor. It made a loud clump as it hit the table. He put his hand behind her head, forcing her to look down at the carved figure. His arm loosened. He let her go. Maddy stood still, gazing at the table. She turned. The intensity of expectation in his face, the concentration...he depended on her to understand; he wasn't looking at anyone else. She didn't know the figure. But she knew it was mathematical. "Wait here!" She gripped both of his hands. "Wait!" She turned to Larkin and Cousin Edward. "Don't punish him; don't do anything to hurt him!" she exclaimed as she rushed from the room. She found her father in the family parlor, being read to by his aide. "Papa!" She ran to him and caught up his hand. "What is this?" Guiding his forefinger, she made the cross on the parlor table's polished surface, and then the sinuous line along it. "It's a periodic function," her father said. Maddy released a breath and grabbed up pen and paper. "What's the definition?" "The infinite series, dost thou mean?" "Anything! Anything about it. If it were given to thee, thou wouldst answer back what answer?" "Given to me? What—" "Papa! I'll explain, but I must go back as quickly as possible! Just tell me—a periodic function, like Monsieur Fourier's? How is it written? Beginning with sin x equals?" "The sine function series. Or is it the cosine thou'lt have?" "And the graphs are different, aren't they? For this one—" She bit her lip and closed her eyes, conjuring the scars in the varnish. "The curve begins...at the intersection of the axes." "That would be the sine function. Sin x equals x, minus x cubed over the factorial of three, plus x to the fifth over the factorial of five, minus x to the seventh over the factorial of seven, and so forth." "Yes. Yes!" Maddy scribbled down the familiar symbols, making them large and clear. "Oh, Papa, thou'lt never imagine! I'll be back to tell thee!" She ran through the Baroque, marbled front hall and up the staircase. The carpeted floors creaked and thudded beneath her feet. When she came to his barren room, she found that her pleas had been ignored. Larkin and another attendant had Jervaulx shoved with his face up against the wall, holding him there as they finished tying off the sleeves of a strait-waistcoat. As Maddy stopped in the doorway, they let go of him. He didn't turn or move or struggle, only lowered his head, resting it against the wall, a white figure in the shadowed corner. "I wish thou hadst not—" "Cousin Maddy!" Edward turned. "Are you quite recovered? Do you wish to lie down? What a calamity! Inexcusable for Larkin to leave that razor within his reach! When we're using minimal restraint, absolute prudence is required at all times. I should never have allowed you in here." "It's all right. It's a sine function! Oh, I wish thou hadst not put that on him." Jervaulx leaned his shoulder on the wall, turning, and Maddy felt that there was accusation in the look he gave her. "The figure he drew," she said, flourishing her paper. "It's a sine function." "Yes—as I told you—instruments of writing, of any sort, overexcite his brain. You mustn't expect to wring sense out of what he's done." "But it is sense! This is the infinite series that signifies it!" "No. No, I must insist that we leave him to a tranquil atmosphere now. Don't—Cousin Maddy!" His voice became stern as she started past him with the paper. He plucked it from her hand and crumpled it. "Do not show him anything that will cause him further distress." She stopped. Jervaulx watched her. "It's a sine function," she said to him, in defiance of her cousin. If she had expected a reaction, or understanding, she got none. He just looked at her as if there were a wall of glass between them and he couldn't hear her voice.
Gone away...gone...all gone but ruffian shave, dog out-the-doors, sleep room, no privacy, throw down floor...made stuff food throat...eat or no. Cuzzmad. Cuzz-mad. Bed, tied hand foot trussed...trussed like pa—ba—animal, fat pink...curly tail. Word vanish, vanish, always just...far. His head hurt to chase the name. Cuzz-mad. He tried to say it silently, get his tongue around the sounds. He was afraid of how it would come out aloud. No, no, no—that was how it would come out. Not speak, refuse. The rage and fear went endlessly around inside him. They all talked too quickly, that was what; they mumbled, they babbled, they wouldn't give him a chance to understand. Lay hands—ME! by God, no right. Dumb beast, prod force; scheme bath blood, manacles garden strangers watch; fury, fight, SHAME; tied chair; revolting, noisy, ranting madmen—robbed of his friends, his own house, his life. He lay staring at the dim shadows of the finely plastered ceiling, following the oval pattern to where it met the wall and was sliced rudely off by the partition that created this cell from what must once have been an elegant chamber. Across the hall, one of the madmen was groaning, a sound that terrified Christian somewhere far deep in his throat and chest, because it was the same sound he wanted to make, the despair that only pride and cold fury held inside. Lock here long enough...long enough...lunatic. Sometimes he'd tried to reckon it, to identify who held him here, who it was who wished to drive him past the brink of sanity. He remembered faces; sometimes he could put names to them, and sometimes he could think of the same faces, but the names weren't there. That had happened with Cuzz-mad. He'd looked at her: starch white...thing...the word for what she wore on her head danced away. Talk thee, thou. Know; know. Listen. Listen hard, hard, hard. Cuzz-mad seemed right and not right. Truly, the more he considered it, the more bizarre it seemed, but when he tried to think about it too much, tried too hard to drag the answer out of the emerging and dissolving maze in his head, he felt nauseated. Footsteps creaked in the hall, a familiar sound; alarming, when he never knew what they were going to do to him next. The light bobbed, casting the barred shadows from the door in wild swings across the ceiling. He heard the sound of the lock, and the thick noises of his warden waking up. A feminine whisper, then her profile in the candlelight as she leaned over the cot in the corner. She spoke to the shambling form that sat up there. The two of them prattled incomprehensibly for a minute, then the Ape got up and shuffled out of the room. She set the candle on the windowsill, turning toward him. It was intolerable to be seen by her in this state of abject humiliation, this utter enslavement; he closed his eyes and feigned sleep, willed it all away—wake bedroom; dogs, name, self, WORDS! Words understand, words speak—this crazy dream would be over. "Ervoh," she murmured. "Wilthwak?" She touched his shoulder. Shame made him set his jaw and turn away from her; pride made him clench his fists and jerk once, hard, at the bonds. The ringing noise startled her; she pulled her hand back and looked down at him nervously. He felt a certain satisfaction in her alarm and stared at her with insolent malevolence. She smiled tentatively. "Wasign fucshun," she said. "Brotanifiti serees." She held up a paper. In the candlelight, the ink was dark and clear.
Yes, yes, yes, he wanted to shout. You heard me, you understood; I'm here! But he did nothing. Suddenly he was afraid to move, afraid that he would frighten her away after trying to do it an instant before. She became precious, priceless, a jewel beyond measure; he could not, could not hazard doing anything wrong now. He realized he'd begun breathing too fast. He corrected that, contained himself. With a conscious effort, he relaxed his arms and opened his fists, resting his bound hands back against the bed. He looked into her eyes and risked a short, emphatic nod. "Sign fusha," she said, with a little stress. "Yes?" Yes, he thought. Yes. He thought he might say yes, and then didn't chance it. Cautiously, he nodded again. "Sighn," she said. "Sighn fu shon." Sighnfushon. Fushon sign. The words went around in his head, sign fun, fuhn sighn, sign fun signshon, mix tumble, two dice, wheel...dizzy. "Sign funshun," she said again, kneeling beside him, rattling the paper. He looked at the symbols. He knew what the series made, he understood its meaning— And the revolving words fell, dropped into the cup, settling. Sine function. Of course. Sine function. He gave a faint, bewildered chuckle. The candlelight guttered, casting pulsing shadows on her face as she knelt, prim cap, siren lashes, virtue, Miss. He wet his lips. "Sine," he said hoarsely. "Yes!" "Yes." The word came explosively, as if he had to push it through, to break a wall. "Sine, yes." She smiled. It was like morning in the shadows; it razed his heart; he found himself in love, in an agony of passion. "Sine...func...tion," his beloved said. Child, not child, silly prim, not child repeat. "Secant," he grated. "Cosecant." "No. Sine." "Tangent. Cotangent. Angle." Easy. Mathematics, trigonometry. "Parallel axiom; congruence, co-planar lines, perpendicular lines." God, geometry was easy; why hadn't he remembered how easy? He tried something hard. He gripped the chains above his wrists, fighting to say it. "Ah..." It was so painful; he knew it, it just wouldn't come. "Ah...she. She! Cuzz-mad." He loved her. He didn't want her ever to go away and leave him alone in this place. She tilted her head quizzically. "Who?" His open fingers barely brushed hers. He moved his hand to the limit of the chain and stroked his thumb gently up and down the side of her palm. He gazed into her eyes, trying to say it that way. Every word was agony to accomplish: cling twist slide away silvery fish grab—shove through the wall. "Name!" It burst out of him. "Name! She?" He gripped her hand, squeezed it once. She smiled again. "Maddy." Yes, that was it. Maddy. Maddygirl. Maddy. "Mm—," it came out, and he gritted his teeth in frustration. "Maddy," she said. He nodded. He was afraid that wasn't enough, that she wouldn't know he'd understood. "Sine, yes." He repeated his one success. "Cosine. Tangent." His fingers caressed her hand. He wanted to say "don't go," and instead it emerged, "No...no." She gave a little sigh and started to stand up; he realized she was leaving and shook his head violently. Don't! Stay here, don't leave yet, not now! "No, no, no, no," was what he heard himself uttering, and cut it off, tilting his head back and yanking at the bonds in wrath. "Peasdon sethee! Clietcliet!" She put her forefinger up to her face, the tip just beneath her nose. He gazed at her. It meant something, that gesture; he knew it meant something, but he couldn't think what. The echo of the noise he'd made died away, a mere ripple of disturbance in this house full of howling beasts. Her hand lay on his shoulder. He shifted his head, pressed his cheek against the back of her palm. Stay here, Maddy. Don't leave me. All that got out was, "No. Mnnh. No!" He groaned, turning from her. She took his face between her cool fingers. She stroked his hair back from his forehead. He closed his eyes, shuddering inside, holding back the tide of feeling. He lay still. "Weebwell," she whispered. "Vreethin wilvee well." Wilv well. Will well. Vreething will well. Everything will well. He hadn't really comprehended it; it came after his mind seemed to sift down through the sounds, settling finally on an intuition. But it was something, anyway. It was something to keep as she turned away and took the candle and paper. One small glass ball to float when he was drowning: she thought everything would be all right, and he'd almost understood her when she said it. Maddy pursed her lips, carefully folding the brochure about Blythedale Hall into the letter that Cousin Edward had dictated to a Lady Scull, describing in glowing terms the kind and loving treatment that her sister might expect at Blythedale, referring discreetly to a rate of six guineas a week, and inviting Lady Scull for a visit at her convenience. On the brochure, the engraving of the house looked completely serene, with couples strolling beside the willows and the lake and the swans. Nothing in the letter or brochure hinted at the pounding sound of metal that reverberated through the halls, that had woken everyone this morning and lasted throughout Cousin Edward's stiff and angry lecture on Maddy's folly in sending Larkin away on a made-up pretext and visiting the Duke of Jervaulx in secret, that went on while Cousin Edward read his mail and she filed letters, that went on still while Maddy wrote out her dictation with trembling fingers; the sound and fierce shout that went on and on and on:crash—Tangent!—crash—Distance!—crash—Squared!— crash—Minus!—crash—Y one—crash—X two—crash— Mah-she!—crash—Mah-she!—She!—She!—She!—outraged, desperate; on and on until the echoing voice was hoarse and grinding; pleading, plaintive, corroding down to an inarticulate syllable between each smash of the barred iron door. She had not thought him mad last night, but she thought him mad this morning. The truth of Cousin Edward's warnings was patent—she should not have disturbed him, should never have gone to see him in that way. Everyone in the house was agitated, the other patients unnerved; Maddy had heard Cousin Edward instruct Larkin to explain to Master Christian that he would be restrained, taken to the seclusion room and left there if his conduct had not improved by noon. Maddy already knew about the seclusion room. It was an essential part of the moral therapy practiced at Blythedale, the management of the patients' behavior by an appeal to their dignity, the subtle balance between encouragement and intimidation as the situation demanded. Cousin Edward had given her a copy of Mr. Tuke's Description of the Retreat, the famous Quaker asylum at York that had pioneered the humane and moral treatment of lunatics. She'd only had time to read parts of it, but everyone had heard of the Retreat. The brochure about Blythedale emphasized the extensive training and priceless experience Cousin Edward had gained in his eight years of work there under Dr. Jepson. Lunatics were to be spoken to at all times as much as if they were rational beings as possible, in order to cherish the spark of reason. They were to be treated gently and kindly, but made to understand that their circumstances and freedom depended largely on their own self-control. Like children, they were to be secluded if they would not behave after having been given ample chance to do so. At half past eleven, when Cousin Edward retired to visit with his wife, the halls still rang with the steady crash and savage voice that had gone completely wordless now, just a guttural, broken, animal noise in time to the clang of the bars. Maddy felt she could listen no longer. It was her fault; if he was to be punished, she didn't wish to sit in comfortable ignorance of what she'd caused. With no real purpose but to chasten herself for her foolish trespass, she asked a maid to point out the seclusion room. The girl led her to the cellar stairs. "It's the third door on the right, Miss. Just past the new bath." Maddy descended the stair. As she turned each corner, the violent sounds from above faded, until she stepped into a silent corridor. The air was cold, but the passage had been whitewashed and a lamp burned steadily at the far end, giving ample illumination. The third door on the right stood open to a small, windowless room with a wooden floor and a bench built into one wall. It was not the horror chamber that she had expected. It was only a room; quite clean, dry, chill but not cold. A Bible lay on the bench, as if inviting someone to read and meditate in the silence. In the little chamber, Maddy suddenly saw the Quaker in Cousin Edward, the heritage from which he seemed to have drifted so far away in his daily life. This room was like a meetinghouse. A place to be quiet and listen for the still, small voice, the Indwelling Light. As she stood in the middle of it, she thought that Jervaulx would be all right here. And yet, the silence of it troubled her. She'd spent a large part of her life in the silence of Meetings and had never felt uncomfortable with it. She'd listened, and waited, and felt at times what she believed to be a true experience of the Inner Light—though she had never been moved by it to speak out or minister in Meeting. And in spite of the blasphemy of presuming to predict such things, she found it difficult to imagine that she ever would feel so moved. She wasn't poised and self-confident, as the duke was. As poised as Jervaulx had been. She thought of him now. The manacles, the fury in his face. The broken sound of what was left of his voice. Last night, she had not slept at all. She'd lain awake, as she'd lain awake the night her mother had died, trying to will acceptance out of something that it seemed would never be acceptable. Silence. There were all kinds of silences: the open, waiting silence of Meeting; the warm silence of home and family where words were unnecessary; the bird-and flower-filled silence of an empty garden. For months, he'd said nothing. Not one word. The written record so meticulously kept by Cousin Edward repeated it every day: mute, sullen, uncooperative, violent. Cousin Edward called it dementia. Moral insanity; reduced to the animal nature. She looked at the Bible but didn't touch it. She'd been brought up to think of the Scriptures as a divine word, a useful and necessary word, but never greater than the leading of God in her heart. In the hush of this spare room she felt the slow prickle of truth growing in her, the dawning realization that a charge was being laid upon her, that the man above-stairs who crashed against his cage was calling out for her, that to him this room would not be a spiritual place, but a prison, a threat to be used against him. He didn't understand silence; he didn't know it as she knew it. She lifted her head. He wasn't a two-year-old. He had not lost his reason. He isn't mad; he is maddened. The thought came so clearly that she had the sensation someone had spoken it aloud. She felt that something left her, a presence that she had not even known had been there until it was gone. The room seemed grimmer, less like the clean interior of a meetinghouse and more like a little empty seclusion chamber in the cold depths of a cellar. Jervaulx had not lost his reason. His words had been taken away. He couldn't speak, and he couldn't understand what was said to him. His banging shouts, his rage and despair, came to seem appallingly rational: not the work of a maniac reduced to lunacy by the sum of his vices, but of a sane man frantic with frustration. He had found no other way to reach out but by violence, this reckless duke who knew periodic functions and Fourier's infinite series, who could create his own geometry, who had been free and eloquent and even generous in his autocratic way, and was now locked up and driven to distraction by it. Maddy felt humbled. God had never spoken to her in quite so clear a way. She was no minister, not one of those men and women who had the gift of speaking out in Meeting and marketplace; she only went about her life as it seemed she ought to do from day to day. But this was an explicit obligation laid upon her. What witness it was that God wished to implement by visiting Jervaulx with this affliction, she did not presume to know—although it didn't take much divine insight to hazard a guess. She was not asked to preach to him or judge him in his hardship. What was required of her was only this: that she not abandon him while he suffered it. Cousin Edward, Maddy knew full well, would not like it. He had expressly forbidden her the violent corridor. There were all sorts of sensible arguments against what she meant to do. She thought of a multitude as she walked up the stairs, drawing near Jervaulx's cell, the rhythmic crash growing louder. She was mistaken. She was inadequate. She was unfit for such a task. What did she know of madness or medicine? There was no human voice at all with the crash now. The rest of the asylum seemed strangely quiet, the mumbles and mutterings of yesterday absent as if everyone else hung on the savage clash of metal against metal, listening bewitched. She turned the corner. Halfway down the hall, Larkin sat on a chair tilted back on two legs to the wall, his skull gleaming beneath the short stubble of hair. He had his pocketwatch out and propped on his knee, flipping the chain idly in time to the clanging. "Three minutes to go," he declared loudly, to no one in particular. The crashing cadence went on without a pause. He glanced toward Maddy, and the chair came down with a thump that was half-lost in the din. "Friend Larkin." She raised her voice to be heard. "I've come to talk to Jervaulx." The crash of the bars fell silent. The startling lack of noise seemed to ring in her ears. Larkin looked to the door of Jervaulx's room and back at Maddy. He scowled. "You're not to be here, Miss." His voice sounded strange and hollow, surrounded by imaginary echoes of sound that had already died away. "Nevertheless, I am here." "Now—you got me into wonderful trouble last night. I won't be having any more." "Thou mayst go and speak to my cousin, if thou wilt. Certainly I don't wish to make more trouble for thee." "I can't do that, Miss. In a minute, I'm to take him down to seclusion. You'll have to leave the corridor." "Thou wert only to take him down if he was not quieted by noon, wert thou not?" She made a little gesture toward the door. "He is quiet." As if to prove her, the clock in the hall below began to strike, sending slow chimes echoing up the stairs. Larkin did not appear pleased with the turn of events. Maddy started forward, and he held up his hand. "Don't, Miss. Do us all a favor and don't get him stirred all up again! Ah, Miss, if you please—" Jervaulx was standing behind the barred door, his hands gripping the iron. The instant he saw her, the rigid clench of his fingers and jaw relaxed. His lips parted as if he would speak, and then clamped shut again. He stood back from the door in the dim room, making a formal bow, offering his hand through the bars as if she were a lady and there were no metal door between them. "Don't!" Larkin stepped forward. "He could kill you, Miss! He could strangle you in a minute, if he got hold of you through the bars that way." Maddy could see very well that this was so. And in the moment of hesitation, she saw Jervaulx recognize her fear. His open hand closed. He drew back and turned away from the door, moving like a ghost, a silent figure that drifted to the window and stood there, gazing out. And Maddy realized that she had failed. Larkin's voice had been the voice of the Reasoner, of evil, that would whisper arguments and proofs and make her resist her own Truth. The first test, and already she'd stumbled. Maddy watched him for a moment, and then turned to Larkin. "Please go thou and ask my cousin to come here. Thou mayst say to him that I have had an Opening, and it is necessary that I speak with him." "An opening?" The attendant gave her an exasperated look. "I don't know what you mean, Miss, but I'm not going to leave here and let you do something silly." "I will sit there," she said, nodding toward his chair. "I promise thee, no more than that." "And what if he gets started again? He's quiet now; you'll agitate him." "Jervaulx." Maddy went to the door and lifted her hand, offering it through the bars in spite of Larkin's furious protest. "If I stay here, will I disturb thee?" He looked over his shoulder at her. "It's on your head, Miss!" Larkin warned. "On your own head be it! After what he did yesterday..." Jervaulx gave the man a look of utter scorn. He gazed for a moment at Maddy—and then he turned away, turned his back on her offered hand in a brusque and disdainful rejection. A slap across the cheek could hardly have been more pointed. Maddy dropped her hand. "Please go thou and fetch my cousin," she said stiffly to Larkin. "You won't try nothing while I'm gone?" Maddy seated herself. "I will not." "I can't believe you'll last here long, Miss," the attendant muttered, with a shake of his head as he turned away and strode down the hall, disappearing around the corner. The silence settled. Jervaulx remained staring out of his window. "Ape," he said, with that explosive inflection, a discharge of absolute loathing and contempt. Then, without turning, he slanted a sideways look back at Maddy, speculative, one eyebrow lifted in subtle challenge. "Yes," she said, nodding emphatically. "A perfect ape." He crossed his arms, resting his shoulders back against the barred window in his insolent pose, a pale cavalier imprisoned in silence and dusk. A slow smile curved his mouth. If he was mad, she could not trust him. Yesterday he had leaned back his head on the bars and watched her with just that relaxed and arrogant posture, then a moment later held a razor to her throat. Be careful, the Reasoner murmured. He's strong; he's intimidating; he is not sane. Maddy looked back at Jervaulx. She allowed a very faint answering tilt of her lips. "Ape," she repeated decisively. His one-sided grin seemed a light in the dimness of his little cell. "Ape," he said, with vicious relish. Maddy folded her hands. "'Twould appear that we're in agreement." He said nothing more, but watched her through the iron barrier with that mute and ironic smile. "I'm afraid that must be out of the question," Cousin Edward said to Maddy. "Leaving aside your inexperience and the impropriety of you acting as the duke's personal attendant, it is—simply absurd. Think of the danger to yourself, Cousin Maddy. You cannot have forgot yesterday's incident." "I haven't forgot. I have had an Opening." "Yes, very well, I understand that, but this isn't Meeting, my dear. This is a lunacy asylum." She looked at him gravely. "Is God not here too?" Larkin gave a snort. Cousin Edward flushed slightly and frowned at the attendant. "Certainly God is here." "I have had an Opening," she repeated in a level tone. "I am led." Cousin Edward pursed his lips. "I hadn't thought you would prefer it, but if you truly wish to work with the patients in a direct way, I can assign you to assist the ladies' matron in the afternoons." There, the Reasoner whispered. Do that instead. It would be safer. Easier. More proper. "I would gladly assist the matron in other circumstances," she said, "but I am required to support Jervaulx." The doctor began to grow pink. "I'm astonished that you even think of such an improper situation, Cousin Maddy. It isn't fitting in you." "I've attended to nursing duties for much of my life. I'm experienced with patients of both sexes." Maddy kept her voice quiet. "But it's of no moment even if I were not. My leading is concerned with Jervaulx himself." "Come now." Cousin Edward shook his head and smiled. "Wherever have you got such a fantastic notion?" "In the seclusion room," she answered simply. "The Light and the Truth were shown to me." "I'll tell you about light and truth, Miss," Larkin exclaimed. "When he breaks your neck, I'll tell you!" "He will not hurt me," Maddy said. "Little you know about it, Miss! He hits out regular; nearly snapped my arm more than once, and I'm a big fellow as ye can see. Slip of a gel like you, he could scuttle in a moment." Best listen to him, the Reasoner warned. He knows whereof he speaks. "And yet," she said, "when he saw that I had come to speak to him, he was quiet." Larkin scowled. "There's nothing in that, Miss. You don't know his sort. You ain't been here but a day. Ye can't never turn your back on a maniac!" "I'm sorry to say that's true, Cousin Maddy. You must not be deluded by an apparent show of wit in a patient of this type. We do our best to encourage reason and civilized behavior, but in sober truth, the duke is not in a state to be relied upon or viewed as a human being." There was a female minister in Maddy's Meeting, the one who had told her about the Reasoner and how sensibly and subtly he argued, who had the gift of gazing steadily and with great effect into the eyes of the misguided. Maddy looked just so at Cousin Edward, unblinking. "That is to say—" He cleared his throat. "Perhaps I misspeak myself. He is a human being of course, one of the Lord's children, as are we all. But I'm charged with your welfare." "Thou art charged with his welfare." "My dear, you cannot attend him. It is preposterous. I cannot allow it." She did not disagree. Reason and debate would not be what would convince him. She had not thought ahead of what she would say; if God willed, the proper words would come. Under her silent gaze, he set his shoulders back and shifted his feet, as if she made him uncomfortable. "It's impossible. I fear that you just don't understand." "Cousin Edward," she said, "thou art the one without understanding." He pursed his lips and frowned at her. "Mind the Light within," she said gently. "Hast thou forsaken it?" He kept frowning at her. But he wasn't looking at Maddy, not really. "I don't know about all this 'light' bosh," Larkin said with belligerence, "but a sillier notion I never heard, doctor. I'm sorry to be taking up your time with it, but she wouldn't hear nothing but that you come up here and talk to her about this 'opening' of hers." Cousin Edward glanced at his attendant. When he looked back at Maddy, she met his eyes steadfastly. Larkin grumbled on about lights and openings and ignorant nonsense, and with every idle word offended a Friend's beliefs to the core. Cousin Edward stood in the corridor without moving. She saw the moment that he ceased being a lapsed Quaker annoyed by casual contempt for his background and began looking, and listening, elsewhere. Larkin's comments finally rambled down to an exasperated grunt. Inside the cell, Jervaulx was a shadow watching them through the bars, white and still. The silence filled the house, a very great and waiting silence. Cousin Edward turned to Larkin and asked him for the key.
What say, argument assertion back and forth prattle rattle gibber the Ape red-faced and Maddy imperturbable; Christian followed none of it. He was surprised when the one who ran things, the pudgy pale manicured one, unlocked the door and opened it, astonished when she stepped inside alone. She looked a little scared. Perhaps she had reason enough, but he didn't like it. Not hurt never hurt female damn! After a moment's hesitation, she walked across the cell. Her hand startled him; as she held it out it seemed to come from nowhere—things did that, jumped up at him from nothing, blast sound sudden make noise didn't know—Hide things—Pop out there not there WHY! It made him furious. It frightened him. He wanted things to stay in place. He looked at her. Handshake, like a man's, right hand to right hand—but his wouldn't move. He stood helpless, feeling muddled and mortified, opening and closing the fingers of his right hand. He looked down into her eyes, witless not-move, unable to explain, breathing harshly, taut with the effort to make his body obey his intent. Then she grasped his hand firmly and lifted it up and down. He felt her fingers in his, soft and cool, and like a fog rising from a vista, he knew what he wanted to do and could do it. Something more gallant; he brought her hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss there, squeezing her fingers gently. Puritan spinster blush prim pretty eyes. He smiled at her. She moistened her lips. The Ape muttered ominously. Christian looked up beyond her and the bars and saw the expression, saw that he'd goaded his keeper past endurance now—and that the time would come when he would pay for it. The other, medical blood master bone...blood—the other—only stood there, looking learned and paternal. Christian realized that he was being tested. He transferred his attention back to Maddy, watching her intensely, determined not to botch his chances. The Ape was outside; she was in; it was an improvement he couldn't afford to lose. When she gestured to him to sit, he sat. When she offered him water, he drank. When she spoke to him, he stared at her mouth and tried to make sense of the collection of sounds that fell from her lips. It angered him that he could not do it. Everything infuriated him, and had done since he'd come out of the dark and exhausted confusion without words, without himself; he was just barely in control; moment by moment he leashed the urge to grab something and hurl it. But there was nothing to hurl; they'd stripped the cell of anything he could move—Maddygirl looked at him with gentle expectation, and he remembered in time that he must not boil over now. When the tray came with the same intolerable mutton broth and plain rice, bread pudding and barley water, he sat there glaring at it for long moments, rebelling inside, raging. She stood beside him and finally picked up the spoon. No. No, that he would not bear. He almost sent the tray and soup and everything across the room. Almost. Instead he reached for her and caught her wrist and held it still, just held it, and then as calmly as he could pressed it downward, until the spoon rested on the tray. She let go of the spoon. He picked it up and ate their plebeian slops watch animal zoo damn! degraded to the bottom of his soul, so full of anger and loathing that every swallow was a battle. But he did it. He did it to keep her there and to gall the Ape in the only way he'd found yet to do it. And that was the test. He passed. For the first time since he'd woken from the drugged stupor in which they'd brought him here, he'd sat down voluntarily and eaten like human being. That was how they would look at it. He thought of his table and his chef at home, of dishes with names that slipped strangely through his head, les fillets...volaille à la marechale, of chocolate, of la darne saumon...soufflés d'abricots...he looked at the greasy mutton soup and could have gagged on his hate. But Maddy beamed, which made him feel surly and pleased at once. He could forgive her, he supposed, plain thee thou can't know better rye bread beer pudding. Quaker. Quaker, yes, but he could not say it out loud, nor cared to try. He passed their bloody test, and they let her stay with him, sitting outside his cell. Shaky muscle weak...the exhaustion overpowered him, bound him. He leaned on the bars, unwilling to let her out of sight. Talk...can't...say Maddygirl...stay. Stay. Until night at least, when the Ape came back. Christian was wary of him, offering no cause for coercion, lying down on his narrow bed like an obedient dog. Biding his time...and he and the Ape both knew it. In the morning she came again with the blood-man talk gibberish write book; what's inside book? Lies. Lies. Consult book. Bleed? Bath? God save me. Two more keepers came, and he knew it was to be the bath. He looked once at Maddy, just once, putting everything he had of entreaty in his eyes. She gave him a reassuring smile. She didn't know. He had to believe that she had no notion—and when he thought of it, he didn't wish her to know what it was they could do to him. There were three keepers to take him, but this time he controlled his reaction, mastered himself. He allowed them to tie his hands together into leather sleeves—usually it was the jacket, but if he stayed calm they had no excuse for it in front of the manicured medical man. Christian knew. He'd become a connoisseur of bindings, an aesthete, discriminating black degrees of mortification, least down to worst: leather sleeve, manacles, chair, straitjacket, cradle. He didn't look toward Maddy again. He took himself out of this place in his mind; that was the only hope, the only way to hang on. He went with the keepers down the stairs to the cellars, let them put the full leather mask over his face, undress him, lead him blind and make him stand endlessly, waiting, never knowing when it would come, until they shoved him backwards into the bath. Ice! Freeze cold hot agony Ice! They pushed him down, more than once, using a metal bar across his neck to force his head under. The third time, the bar held him down until his chest began to grow tight, until his hands clenched and real fear surged through him—just that long. And when he came up, the Ape bent over and looked through the eyeslits in the mask, through the frigid water dripping down, and grinned. Christian stared back. The mask was tight against his mouth and nose, wet; he panted with the cold; his body shuddered in uncontrollable seizures. They pulled him out and he stood there shaking, listening to them talk around him, shut out, streaming water, unable to see anything but a slit of light in front of him. The Ape said something from just behind Christian and threw a towel over his shoulders. Christian stepped back hard, half-turning, driving his shoulder and elbow against the Ape's body. The calf-high lip of the bath worked just as well on the Ape as it did on Christian—his keeper grabbed at Christian's shoulder in a scramble for balance, fingers slipping on wet skin as Christian stepped away, and then a yell and a splash that sent water flying. Icy drops splattered over Christian's legs. The other two keepers found it hilarious. The cellar room echoed to their laughter and the sound of oceans of water sloshing. Christian stood still, unsmiling behind his mask—huge slick flop whale blunder out. He held his place as he heard the Ape come after him, water pouring and splashing over the stone floor. The metal bar smashed him across the back, exploding pain, stealing his breath, making him stumble for balance—but the other keepers hauled the Ape off and managed to prevent a real bludgeoning. They constituted a certain check on one another, the keepers. They had their own crude code. They knew the Ape had held him down too long. And Christian was, after all, a lunatic: allowed his little jokes. So the Ape had gone to dry himself, and Christian, back in his cell in a blue dressing robe that didn't even belong to him, that disgusted him, had Maddy for his valet. Dress like peasant. Christian glared at the vulgar clothes laid out for him. "No," he said. He crossed his arms and set his mouth, clamping his teeth to keep them from chattering, tensing to prevent the shudder that overtook him and sent pain shafting through his back. The Ape would have gotten help, tied him up and forced the lunatic's jacket on him instead. Christian waited to see what Maddy would do, trying to hide the shiver that came with every deep breath he drew. His hair was wet; he was cold to the bone. He had no intention of carrying any battle of wills far enough to chance getting the Ape back; he wanted Maddygirl desperately, her calm and straight-spined figure sitting in the chair outside his cell: white stiff...cap...peace. "Whon?" she asked. He scowled at her. Wrong? Wrong, did she mean? Decent clothes! he wanted to snarl. No wretched raw bad sew rubbish! He grabbed up the coat, meaning to point out the awkward stitching, the ill-matched buttonholes, but he couldn't do it. He just held the coat, muddled again, stuck between the intention and the action. With a hot sound in his throat, he threw the garment down. A heavy shudder went through his frame. "Sh'boh?" she said. She touched his hand, caught it between hers, and he couldn't hold himself still, couldn't conceal the cold tremors or contain the catch in his back on each indrawn breath. He pulled his hand away and went to the window, holding on to the bars that seemed hot beneath his freezing palms. She was silent for a long time behind him. He knew she could see the shaking—what difference did it make? He put his forehead against the bars and let it have him. The brass lever that controlled the bell creaked. No bell-pull here, too easy for a man to hang himself from the velvet rope. Christian had already thought of it, but they were well ahead of him. They had it all designed, they'd been at it for years; a bumpkin keeper like the Ape had a preternatural ability to anticipate resistance and counter it. Christian was taller, faster, younger; God knew, he hoped he had more brains—but the Ape knew all the tricks. The razor and that incident in the bath had been the first real victories Christian had managed, and his back ached and throbbed where the iron bar had struck him, sparking sharp agony whenever he turned. He heard the Ape's voice in the hall and tensed, starting another shiver in the depth of his muscles. But there was no sound of the barred door opening. Maddy spoke, the Ape hesitated and then made a grunt of assent. His footsteps thudded away. Christian turned around. Maddygirl was looking at him, frowning a little, chewing her lower lip. As she met his eyes, she smiled briefly. "I've runcoles," she said. Runcoles? She pointed at the empty grate, hugged herself, and shivered. Coals. Coals, fire, yes. They'd never done that before, only lit the grate at night. He wished to say thank you, and could not say it. He nodded briefly. She picked up the coat where he'd dropped it and offered it to him. As she held it out, he put his hand on the badly made collar, ran his finger down it, pointed at the clumsy buttonholes. "Donderstan," she said, looking up at him with a helpless expression. He gritted his teeth and shivered. All right. Try again. He touched her sleeve, moved his forefinger up the underside of her arm, where the tiny stitches were invisible, neat and elegant, if plain, as her black dress and white collar were plain. Then he traced the same seam on the coat. She looked from her own arm to the coat. She shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "Doono." He gave it up, pulling the coat out of her hand and gesturing for her to leave, so he could dress. She just stood there. He took her by one shoulder, turned her, and pushed her toward the door. "No." She set her feet against him and turned back. "Thamus dress." Course dress yes, remove she, any female respectability understand. But she stood stubbornly. The Ape came clattering in with a pail of coals. Christian drifted back a little, away from him, prudent. The fire lit, they jabbered together, the Ape shrugged and nodded at whatever she said, gave Christian a carefully neutral glance, and closed the solid door as he left, blocking out the hall. Christian stared at her. Not think...God's sake...not suppose dress here full view she! But she did. She walked right up to him and took hold of the buttons on the robe and began to flick them open as if she'd done it every day of her life. Christian grabbed her wrist and thrust it away with an indignant sound. He gestured at the door, and gave her another light shove. "Tha ish lark?" she asked. He took a deep breath, straining for words. "Hunh..." She didn't seem to realize the depth of his disposition toward her—that he would go so far as to try to speak, to allow her to hear it. "Lark?" she said again, with her hand on the bell-lever. He realized suddenly that she meant to call the Ape. "No!" He shook his head. "No." "Sikrunus." She laid her hand on her breast. "Ver peryence." A deep shiver went through him. He kept himself at a guarded distance from her. "Nuse," she said. "Thow. Nurs." Nurse. Oh, dashed nurse, was it? His nurse. And she supposed that just because she imagined herself a nurse, he would let her undress him as if he were some invalid child, did she? Maddy was secretly relieved when that familiar ironic smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. Clearly he was probing her position; if Larkin and Cousin Edward came back and found him still in the dressing robe, she would look as if she had no authority over the situation. While Cousin Edward's approval of her new responsibility was so precarious, she desperately wished to avoid any impression that Jervaulx was becoming more unmanageable rather than less under her influence. It was more difficult than she'd expected, to keep plainly in mind that he acted out of adult reasoning which might not be obvious to her. This interest in the seams on her dress and his coat while he stood shaking with cold baffled her. She wished to get him into good warm clothing, with his hair drying in front of the fire—and then later this evening, after Larkin took her place, she intended to examine into the true nature of the therapeutic baths. This time, when she picked up the shirt and went forward, Jervaulx stood still, allowing her to approach him. Maddy had dressed her father a thousand times; she had her own routine—a system that required him to sit down, which Jervaulx did docily enough when she motioned toward the bed, though he grimaced a little as he did it. She began again to unbutton the robe. By the time she had released the first button, she was aware that he was watching her intently, his face near hers as she bent over. By the third, she had become very conscious that this man was not her papa, that the solid shape of shoulder and muscle beneath the dressing robe was nothing like. By the sixth, the perception of his breath, soft and steady on her hands as she worked, seemed intimate beyond anything proper or acceptable. She lifted her eyes. His one-sided smile deepened. He lifted his hand and drew his forefinger down the line of her jaw, catching her chin, raising it a little. Their eyes were at level, inches apart. His were dark blue. Maddy pulled herself back. She stood straight, her shoes making a loud sound on the wooden floor as she shifted. He rose. Without a word, he declared himself ruler of the moment. He lifted his eyebrows a little, as if to ask if she wished to continue. Maddy looked at the open gap in the dressing robe and away from it, having stumbled into something unexpectedly beyond her competence. He shrugged. The robe slipped from his shoulders and fell at his feet. He held out his hand for the shirt. She really was very experienced, as a nurse. She'd bathed and dressed a number of patients, not all female; she was frequently called upon when a member of the Meeting needed attendance. And of course, she'd always cared for her father... He was not her father. He was not a child, nor elderly nor ill. He was something she had never in her life seen before: a man in the full—she could only call it glory—of height and bone and strength of adulthood, standing without a stitch upon him, his hand open for his shirt. Every fiber in her wanted to shove the garment at him and rush out of the room. But she saw the mocking smile and the anger in it. His body was imposing in the small cell, broad-shouldered and powerful, imposed on her; and he knew it. He meant it to frighten her. It did. At least, it felt something like fear, this mortified agitation. She saw the strength, but she saw too the symmetry, the superb length and shape of muscle. Her flustered alarm was mixed up with a dash of plain creaturely admiration that anyone could stand so: tall and straight and insolent, just the way God had made him. And God had made him in a striking and brilliant way. A miracle of life breathed into clay. It seemed no more wrong to take note of it than to take delight in the flight of a hawk over the fields outside. That hawk had seemed a marvel to her, a city dweller all her life—and the unclothed figure of a man no less novel and dramatic. She laid the shirt in his hand. He swept it up and pulled it on, with a faint hiss between his teeth, jerking his head to settle the fabric over his ears. The white cotton fell free down to his thighs. He took a step past her as if she didn't exist and reached for the folded stockings and breeches. Maddy turned away to the window, having understood his message quite clearly. She gripped her hands together, working her fingers, feeling impelled to apologize but too chagrined to try. Worldly arrogance and wickedness were not things she'd been brought up to respect, but it was somehow fine that in spite of this place, his affliction, in spite of everything, he asserted his disdain for the circumstances. He was not only a human being; he was a duke, and not about to allow anyone to overlook it. Certainly not one plain Quaker nurse. She waited until she heard no more sounds of movement behind her. Just as she was about to turn, he startled her into a jump when he laid his hand on her shoulder. He was dressed—more or less. The waistcoat, breeches and coat hung unbuttoned, and the shirt cuffs seemed to be lost somewhere up inside the coat sleeves. He stood scowling at her ferociously, his jaw working. Then he took a step back and held out both his hands. It was a strangely vulnerable gesture, abrupt and reluctant. He looked, not at her, but down at his wrists, as a monarch would look at unruly subjects, offended and enraged at once. Maddy reached out and slipped her fingers inside the sleeves, one after the other, pulling the shirt down and buttoning the cuffs. She looked up at him. "No," he said, with a brisk nod—which she took to mean yes: she'd done right. The breeches buttoned on two sides of the fall. Maddy waited to be asked this time, having learned her lesson. He made a brief attempt to close one button on the left side with his left hand, then gave a harsh exhalation and caught her wrist. She took a step closer under the imperious tug and quickly did up the buttons on both sides, closing the breeches over the ample tail of the shirt, stepping back as soon as she'd finished. For her service, she received another nod. His easy hauteur dismissed any hint of personal intimacy. He picked up the cravat off the table and handed the neckpiece to her. She tied it, on tiptoe, while he stood with his chin lifted. When she'd finished, he felt the knot, which was the simple style that she tied for her father, and shook his head impatiently. "I don't know another way." She lifted her open palms and gave a helpless shrug. For a moment, she feared that he would grow angry. His frown deepened ominously—but then his mouth flattened. He cast a glance of amused exasperation at the ceiling. With a little flick of his hand at the loose waistcoat, he demanded that it be fastened, too. Maddy did so. The garment didn't fit him well; it was ill-made and too tight; the buttons pulled in an unsightly manner. She wondered that he tolerated it, as fastidious as she knew he'd been in his tailoring. He seemed to accept it, though, turning away from her and taking up the damp towel to dry his hair. Next to the metal washbasin, a comb lay: that he used with no hesitation. Having combed the left side of his head with his left hand, he stopped. He put the comb down on the table and stood still a moment, looking at it. He glanced at Maddy, opening and closing his fingers uneasily. Then he shut his eyes, felt for the comb, and picked it up with his right hand, finishing the other side. The only sane aspect of this strange little ritual was that he seemed embarrassed to have done it. He glanced at her again, making a defiant jerk of his chin as he tossed the comb with a clatter onto the table. Warned off so clearly, Maddy behaved as if she'd seen nothing in the least odd about his action. She pointed to the fire which had finally begun to cast effective heat. "Wilt thou sit down and warm thyself, Friend?" After the small hesitation that seemed to characterize his every response, he went to the chair, pulled it up to the grate and hoisted his leg over the seat, facing the back with one elbow propped on the top rail like some bored and moody porter awaiting orders in a hallway. Maddy opened the wooden door and went about straightening the room, what little there was to straighten. The clean bed linens lay in a stack just inside the door—a daily amenity that was one of Blythedale's choice services. Maddy made up the bed, embarrassed by the straps and manacles that had to be draped aside while she changed the sheets. She was aware of him watching her. Instead of laying the restraints neatly over the bedclothes, as she'd seen they were usually left, she lifted the mattress and shoved them underneath, not without some twisting and stretching and ungraceful heaving to manage it. When she stood up, breathless, pushing back a strand of hair that had escaped her cap, Jervaulx's smile derided her effort. His jaw tightened; he gritted his teeth and said, "Ape!" Then he worked to speak again, uttering halfsounds, unavailing beginnings of the same syllable. Finally he gave a frustrated exhalation, made as if to pull hard with both his arms from the direction of the bed, and exclaimed, "Out!" Maddy plumped herself down on the mattress. She shrugged. "Let him work for it, then." He tipped an imaginary hat to her and grinned. He looked very unprincipled and rakish when he did that. "Wouldst thou like tea?" "Tea," he said. "Thou wouldst like?" He wasn't looking at her. "Tea, tea, tea." He closed his eyes. "Tea. Tea. Lines in the inversive plane. A point is that which has no part. A line is a breadthless length. The extremities of a line are points. A straight line is a line which lies evenly with the points on itself. Tea, tea, tea." He opened his eyes, wet his lips as he looked at her. His jaw tensed again. "Huhnnh...ah!" He blew air out of his cheeks fiercely. From some room down the hall, a patient began yelling at the top of his lungs, clashing metal, demanding that Dr. Timms and the Holy Ghost come and wrestle with him. Jervaulx grasped the rounded finials on the chair and put his forehead down on the top rail. He is sane, Maddy told the Reasoner stubbornly. He is perfectly sane. She gathered up the bed linens with the dressing robe and damp towel and went to the door. The mortice lock made a loud clunk as she turned the key. The bars rang as she closed the door behind her. He didn't move or raise his head, but his fingers were dead white with strain where he gripped the chair. His portfolio contained fifteen letters from a Lady de Marly and sixty-one from the duchess, his mother. Maddy skimmed most of these; the duchess wrote to her son each and every day, and appeared to find that words flowed from her pen with copious ease. She wrote of her evangelical work, and her reverent thoughts and prayerful hopes of his recovery. She expressed complete confidence in Dr. Timms' moral therapy and told of how very much it comforted her to know that Christian was under his care at Blythedale. She begged her son to consider the consequences of his wickedness, to walk in the paths of righteousness, to repent the sins of pride and vanity and idleness, to repudiate the weakness of the flesh, and considerably more along these lines, sentiments which could not in any way be faulted and which succeeded in making Maddy feel quite cross. She found Lady de Marly more sensible. Her letters were directed not to Jervaulx, but to the doctor, requesting clarifications of his reports and prognosis. In the fourth one that she read, Maddy found what she'd been searching for: a reference to the accompanying trunk and an attached list of the autumn wardrobe that it contained. She took the list to Cousin Edward where he was completing his daily notations at his desk in the inner office. "He's quiet," the doctor said, with no need to explain of whom he spoke. "I looked in while you were at dinner." He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "What am I to think? It may only be coincidence, you know. I can't feel at ease, to leave you exposed to his temper." Maddy felt it prudent to ignore the vacillation in his tone. "I've finished the filing and the accounts. Wilt—Will you require any dictation?" "And that is the other thing. What of the post that you're to fill for me?" "I shall do whatever is necessary. I shan't mind working into the evening, while Papa doesn't need me." "I don't like it. I don't like it." Maddy stood silently. "I'm surprised—shocked—that your father has agreed to allow it. Deeply shocked, considering the impropriety, and the hazard to your person." "Papa is fond of Jervaulx." "I'm afraid that the Jervaulx whom he knew is gone. Dead. I've tried to explain it to him, but he's as stubborn as you are." Maddy had only silence for this, too. "And Blythedale's reputation. If you were to be injured by a male patient—imposed upon—do you know what I mean?" His face grew crimson. He pulled a key from his waistcoat pocket, examining it closely. "Cousin—it could ruin me." "I'm sorry," Maddy said sincerely. "But I—how can I turn away from a Concern? I never thought...I've never had a leading before, but this one is so deep and strong that everything before it seems...spiritless." He unlocked a drawer, reached into his desk and drew out a pipe, filling and lighting it. The sweet smell blossomed in the neat room. "Well, here then. Take this notebook," he said roughly. "I'll want you to write down your observations on a daily basis. We shall give it a little time. But be careful, Maddy. Be so careful." "I promise thee I shall." He took a deep draw on the pipe. "He's to go up to London soon for his hearing." "Hearing?" Maddy asked diffidently. "Competency hearing. Before Chancery. It's a common thing with this class of patient. They have property; they're men of affairs. He has to be declared non compos, have a guardian appointed. Confounded nuisance it is, too. Never fails to get them tumultuous beyond any mastery, taking them out into public that way, having questions thrown at them, stood up before a jury and such. I don't look forward to it with him, I'll tell you that. I hear he tossed Larkin into the bath this morning. He ought to be disciplined for it." "Tossed?" Maddy bit her lip. "Art thou certain?" "Of course I'm certain. Do you think the attendants fabricate these things?" "Jervaulx was very cold when he was brought back upstairs. He was shivering." "That is the nature of a cold bath." "I can't think that such an extreme measure can be good for his health." Cousin Edward thumped his pipe on the table, emptying the bowl. "And when did you receive your physician's certificate, Cousin Maddy?" She decided that it was not in the interest of her ultimate objective to answer that. There were times when the injunction to let one's words be few was most fitting. He cleaned the pipe with a silver hook and looked speculatively at her. "Perhaps, if all goes well, you shall accompany us to London. Do you think you can keep him in order?" "Yes," she said, and hoped the word came from somewhere and someone else, out of power and knowledge greater than her own. "We'll take Larkin, anyway." She held out the list she'd found in the file. "His family has sent clothing. What he's wearing now doesn't fit him." "We don't give the violent patients expensive clothes. They're too inclined to tear them off." "Perhaps because they don't fit." Cousin Edward shook his head. "You'll learn, my dear. You'll learn differently, I'm afraid. Put his valuable clothes on him."
In the silence of the deserted family parlor, Maddy found it strange and impertinent to open Jervaulx's safe box—as if she were rifling through someone's home when they were out. Strange, and somehow painful, to touch these things that she never in her life would have conceived of touching. The box accommodated the key to his trunk, a gold watch with a heavy official seal and magnifying glass hung upon its chain, a massive gold signet ring, an ivory-handled razor and a pair of spurs with buckled straps. Maddy squinted down at the ring, and then held it up to the candle with the magnifier. The metal band was thick, the edges smooth with wear. It fit, without catching, right over her thumb. Beneath the fleur-de-lis and phoenix crest, the carved banner read A bon chat, bon rat. To a good cat, a good rat. Even Maddy's schoolroom French was up to that, and if the meaning were not clear enough, it was spelled out in English, too: Retaliation in kind. A vigorous and rather pugnacious sentiment. She slipped the ring into her pocket with the trunk key. She took the spurs, also. In town, gentlemen wore spurs about everywhere, all the time; they seemed to be a sort of fashionable ornament. In the attic, among the other boxes and valises, candlelight immediately caught the gleam of the elegantly black-laquered chest with the duke's card inserted in a brass holder. The trunk was packed full with the finest-made clothes she'd ever handled: shirts of choice linen; warm underwaist-coats, soft as the skin beneath her chin; silk-lined coats laid between silver tissue, the buttons mother-of-pearl, the braces embroidered all up and down their length. It didn't seem so personal to rummage through the trunk as in the safe box. He'd never touched these things; they were all new, smelling of dye and the herbs packed with them. She tried to recall what he'd worn the night she and Papa had dined with him—and searched out a dark green coat as the most similar color. She'd never dressed in colors herself. Doubt in her choices kept her conservative. She discarded an overwaist-coat embroidered in the most lovely purple and gold hues, deciding that a striped combination of wine and rust and tan was more inconspicuous. Finally she took up the most informal-looking of the pairs of boots and carried it all downstairs to her room. Having copied out and posted the patients' schedules from Cousin Edward's notes, she knew that no one was to undergo the therapeutic baths because of an outing planned for the orderly patients. After their departure, each of the remaining male patients were listed to be shaved at quarter hour intervals. In Cousin Edward's notes, Larkin had been written beside the duke's name for this operation. Maddy had substituted her own. Since the doctor was going on the outing, she felt safe to do so without precipitating a lengthy and unpredictable conversation on the matter. However, when she arrived at Jervaulx's room after helping to see off the carriages, Larkin was already there with the basin and towel. He looked in need of a shave himself. Maddy took no notice of his sour mood, but simply lifted the basin from his hand. The razor in it made a metallic sound as it slid against the side of the bowl. "You'll want help, Miss," he said. "I warn ye." A drop of water wet her finger. She looked down and saw a sheen of soapy iridescence in the basin. "This is dirty," she said. "Indeed it ain't! The doctor won't have that. I wiped it clean after Harry finished." She glanced from the towel slung over his shoulder, visibly damp, to the razor blade. The handle was worn with use, the blade sharp but nicked. Inside the cell, Jervaulx was already in a strait-waistcoat, held by straps around both his upper arms that were tethered to bolts in the wall. His eyes when they met hers were like a wolf's in a cave: blazing, unblinking, silent. Maddy held herself still. Very still. Then she said in a painstakingly calm voice to Larkin, "Fetch the hot water, if thou would'st. I shall return in a moment." The madman's jacket made him frantic, and the Ape knew it. It touched off a nightmare dread Christian had never known he had inside him, a fear that went past reason and pride straight to a well of primeval impulse that made him fight it every time, long after he knew himself damned, long after he'd learned he could not win. His throat ached where the Ape had used something new this time, an India rubber garrote, adept at his little murders while Christian was still shackled in bed, driving him down to unconsciousness, pure horror, an instant black and he came up gasping, reflexive-struggling, with the side of his face pushed into the floor, a knee on his neck and lancing pain in his back, three keepers leaning over him while they talked to one another in cheerful, ordinary tones. They hauled him up bodily while he was still trying to find himself and air. He discovered the jacket, that involuntary terror, utter helplessness, no way to balance and no way to save himself; an easy push from behind and he was falling whichever direction they shoved him, because with his arms bound across him every move was strange, bewildering. His body lost proper connection with his mind, his limbs defied him, his legs refused to take the step to steady him—a keeper caught him before he fell, with a short, half-laughing exclamation, and shouldered him against the wall. Christian locked glances with the man, and the keeper instantly looked away. He patted Christian's cheek and said something in a fatherly fashion as the others strapped him into place. While Christian stood in humiliated, imprisoned frenzy, breathing like an enraged bull, the extra help left and the Ape went about the morning routine. It defiled Christian near to madness. He wished desperately for Maddy and was sick with fear that she would come now, before it was done. But the Ape finished and wrote his loathsome things in a book and went away and left him alone. Christian was going to kill him. Someday. Someday. He didn't think of how. He thought of the look on the Ape's face, the relish of terror, the time it would take; he'd once seen two men hanged and quartered—the expression of the second condemned traitor as he watched the executioner cut down and butcher the first: that was the fear, that was the struggle, the prolonged kicking and spasms, that was the cringing, weeping, purple-faced, swollen-tongued, bloated sickening twitching entrails-sliding agony he was going to inflict. He thought of that, with berserk pleasure, until Maddygirl came. She jarred him yet; the transition from night to day, from nightmare vengeance to daylight purity; it was almost more than he could bear. He'd thought himself driven to the limit before, but with each morning she brought reason, then left him to the dark and the Ape, whose mood took a deeper turn now every night. Christian began to see that he'd had it easy. His throat throbbed from the garrote; he prayed to God that his family hadn't forgotten him, that his name protected him, because it would be so simple to keep that stranglehold an instant too long—so easy; and he felt deserted, discarded, disowned; he had no reason to believe there was anything left of the universe but this cell and the hallway and what he could see from the window. And Maddy. Maddygirl. Standing in the hall in the white scoop bonnet, holding a shaving basin, gazing at him in his shackles. The Ape hated her. Christian saw it in his eyes when he looked at her from behind, saw it deepen with each small confrontation, the half of them over things Christian couldn't even follow. He was afraid for her, wished her to stay away and craved for her to come, without words to caution her or warn her off—in the end, not brave enough to hope to be left alone here. She looked shocked, as she had when she'd first seen him. And then her whole figure seemed to grow hushed and motionless. He already dreamed about her voice. It was like a river talking, sliding between serene banks; when she spoke, the sounds made him close his eyes and imagine he understood. Water? Woods? Retur? He opened them, and she was gone. The Ape looked at him through the bars. Just looked, without smiling, without frowning, one long knowing moment. Then he winked and whistled low, as if to a dog, and walked down the hall. When she came back, she would not let the Ape in. She unlocked the door, opened it only far enough to slip inside and pulled it hard out of the Ape's hand as he tried to come behind her with the steaming water bucket. The bars shut with a ringing crash. Christian saw the Ape's expression as water splashed on his leg and the floor. Maddygirl set the copper bowl on the table, turned and faced the keeper. Her hands were at her waist, her back rigid. "Sea adid!" The Ape's ferocity had vanished before she turned. He gave her a hurt look. "Lee there," she said, in a voice so still and controlled that it even impressed Christian. "Thast her dutees." The Ape's mouth worked in an ugly way. He dropped the bucket, splashing half the water over the floor, and left. Without an instant's hesitation, she came to Christian and began to work at the straps that held his arms. She didn't look up at him, but released each one with a sharp pressure and yank. Freed from the wall, he stood balanced over his feet, unable to step forward in the jacket. "Canuhdoo buckle," she said tartly, still not looking up at him. The angry color was very high in her cheeks. He closed his eyes. Because it was the only thing he could manage, he lowered himself, bending both his legs at once. He rocked forward onto his knees on the floor, drawing in his breath against the pain where the Ape had hit him, and waited, his shoulders back, staring straight ahead. She did nothing for a moment. He knew what she must think; how strange he appeared. He gritted his teeth together. Off! Vile foul loathsome thing off! "Untessary the do at," she said, as she knelt behind him and unbuckled the jacket, releasing the taut pressure that held his arms bound across him. She pulled the restraint forward off his shoulders, leaving him bare-chested. It took several seconds before he could command his hands. He flexed his arms wide, until he hit the shaft of agony in his back. The fingers at the end of his limbs seemed to become his again, instead of objects without purpose, things that had nothing to do with himself or his intentions. As soon as he felt capable of doing it, he pushed up off the floor, wincing. Maddy stood, too, dusting at her skirt with the jacket. He took her by both shoulders, pulled her close to him, and kissed her mouth. It was short and hard. He pushed her back away and let go immediately so that the stiff reaction that sprang into her spine wouldn't turn into real fear. It was just surprise, he thought, watching her, watching shock and bewilderment and indignation and chagrin chase themselves across her face. "Friend!" she said in a confounded tone. "Friend," he echoed. It just came, without volition, meaning nothing. But he looked at her, Maddygirl with her red cheeks, her lifted chin, the narrow spinster nose with the stubborn bump in it, and if he'd lain down more times than he could count with women more elegant and comely, he'd never seen anything as beautiful as Maddy in her starched—thing—white—head—sugar?—than Maddy in this prison cell. "Love," he said. "Love." He amazed himself, and her. They stood looking at one another. The thin morning light fell down through the bars on the window, catching her cheek and sultry lashes. That serious, pensive mouth of hers took on a dry, uneasy curve. She swung the jacket on her finger. "Easy conkest thou." "Friend," he repeated, with a hesitant smile. "Maddy. Friend?" "Only friend?" She made a mock-pout. "Thotow wert bow!" Beau? That, he couldn't say. Or preferred not to attempt. Her color was still high; her teasing had an edge of nerves. He was offended that she'd make a jest of it. With a moody grunt, he turned away. "Thy back!" she exclaimed. "Astou done?" He sat down in the chair, facing the rungs. Every move hurt; he was fairly certain that his...his—what? Inside, white, hard, curved, frame. He was injured. Crack. Bone. He looked at her defiantly, silently. "Dist fall?" she demanded. Moving behind him, she reached toward his bare back. He tensed in anticipation, but her contact was featherlight, tracing the outline of what Christian imagined must be a flaming bruise. "Hurt?" she asked. He shook his head. "No." Her fingers moved; the next touch made him flinch and expel a harsh sound through his teeth. "Ah," she said, and touched again along the bone. "Here?" He nodded once. The probe came again, and he made a short, affirmative groan. He held onto the chair and endured the exploration, until one contact shot pain like a stake through his back. His head came up; the involuntary jerk was worse than the touch. "Fracture," she said. Mercifully, she didn't touch him again. "Cuzzinderd bindoonite. Fall?" It dawned on him that he could understand her—enough to work meaning out of what she said. He labored for the word, and got it. "Fall." No chance he was going to blame the Ape. He could see easily enough where that would lead. "How fall?" she asked. He just looked at her. With a slight pursing of her lips, a little frown, she regarded him. "Where?" He shrugged, grimaced at the pain of the unthinking movement. That dissatisfied her, he could tell. She wished to do something, make some adjustment, remove some hazardous obstacle. That was fine. As long as she didn't go accusing the Ape. He grabbed the chairback and tilted it beneath him, miming, leaning over perilously. As he let it fall back with a thump that jarred him painfully, her face lit in comprehension. "Oh, chair! Chair fellver?" He inclined his head. "Thamus caerf." She reached out and touched his shoulder. "Move slow. Artipetuous." Impetuous. He was that. He shouldn't have kissed her. It embarrassed him now. Look at him; look at him here, in this place, befuddled, as dumb as an animal, with grunts and manual acts for speech. Couldn't even button his own damned—what, what?—Christ—he could look down at what he meant, these things on his legs, but the word just hung out of reach, impossible. Damn. Damn bloody hell shit damn damn damn. Damn! Those words he knew. He could have said them, too. He'd tried it, when he was alone, a whole list of curses in English and Italian and German and French. They were like mathematics; they were right there ready when everything else was inaccessible. She held out the shaving bowl toward him and ran her finger around it. "Clean," she said. That was a change. He nodded. She went to the door and opened it, bending over to retrieve the bucket. Christian thought suddenly that it would be easy to stand up and shove past her; it would be easy to escape; and in the same instant that he thought it he was on his feet. She turned around, pulling the bucket into the room. The lock clashed shut. Christian stared at her, breathing hard. She didn't even realize it; she didn't know how simple it would have been; the Ape had never—never—given him such a clear chance. And she'd do it again, because she didn't know. He felt dizzy with agitation. Excitement and a strange kind of fear thudded with his heart. If he got out that door, if he left this cell—what would he do? Where would he go? Run. Run! yes; his body was ready, but his brain seemed an uproar of confusion. Left, right—which way would he turn? He couldn't even be certain of that, and it seemed vitally important. There would be stairs. Stairs, doors, corners; the gardens; walls...damn! Maddygirl was looking at him, her expression cautious, daunted. He realized that he was standing with his fists clenched, his whole body taut and explosive. "Sh'voh?" He would take her with him. He needed her. The thought of walking out into the world by himself seemed appalling—appalling and sweet; he wanted it so badly that he felt hot wetness burning behind his eyes. She watched him, waiting. With an effort that took everything he had, he put his hand on the chair and sat down again. He blinked twice, hard. She smiled. Christian let go of the breath that fought to leave his chest. He made his arms relax. "Here," she said. "Brot thy raze." He looked at her, confounded. "Here." It appeared suddenly, almost under his nose. He started back. In her hand lay a razor, not the Ape's dull butcher knife, but one like his own, precisely curved, steel and pearl. His own razor. And his own—finger, gold, family— "Ring," she said. His ring. He took it from her in his left hand. He held it. "Dostowmember ring?" Of course he remembered it. It was his signet, golden and heavy in his palm. He couldn't think what to do with it. "Not member?" She reached for it. "No!" His fingers closed hard. If she would just give him time—let him think. He started to put it on. His hand held it against the back of his other hand. That wasn't right. He spread his fingers out, as wide as they would spread. He kept losing the hand where it should go and then suddenly finding it again. In his mind, he could see the ring on his finger; he just could not seem to reckon how to get it there. Perhaps he was mad. Maybe he only thought he was sane. It was like looking at a box, knowing there was a simple way to open it, and turning it over and over, unable to find a seam. He began to grow angry. His own goddamned ring! He closed his eyes; sometimes that worked when he got confused, helped to clear his brain. He felt the ring, rolled it in his left hand, then put it between his palms. He turned his right hand over, and the ring slipped away and thudded on the floor. Christ! He stared at it, breathing hard through his nose. The pungent burn behind his eyes began to come back. Maddy retrieved the ring. She moved as if to put it back in her pocket. He stood up, seized the chair and swung it, sending it crashing against the table and the wall. A chunk of plaster flew free; the chair fell back, swayed for an instant on one leg, and toppled to the floor. "No," he said. He held out his open hand. "Sh'voh—" "Give!" Her color was high; she put her chin up and pointed at the chair. "Thamusno throw. Set right." He blew out a hissing breath of fury at this impertinence. She held the ring behind her back; it was nothing to wrench her arm in front of her, and when he couldn't empower his other hand to take advantage of the access, he pressed her wrist between his fingers until she cried out and dropped both the ring and the razor. He swept the signet up and laid it on the table. He held the edge with his left hand, located his right and put it down flat, slid his fingers until the ring caught on the tip of the third, and by working the band with his right thumb and the seal against the table surface, managed to shove it over his knuckle into place. That wasn't the proper way to do it. There was another way, but he had the signet on his finger where it ought to be, and he'd done it himself. He looked up at Maddygirl in triumph. She'd moved close to the door, holding her wrist, chafing her fingers up and down it. He turned toward her and she backed away. That stopped him, held him frozen. It dawned on him that he'd hurt her. What was happening to him? He didn't know what to do. He stood there a long moment, working the underside of the ring with his thumb. She had that wary look, the worst look; he'd rather have her chin lifted and her meddlesome nurse role than that. Humbly, he turned around and picked up the chair, set it right; he found the chunk of wall plaster and placed it carefully underneath the hole. He would have repaired it if he'd had the means. The razor lay on the floor where it had skittered off under the window. He picked it up. She made a faint sound and caught at the door behind her. She had the key in her hand. So naive. Two steps—he'd have her and the key and freedom; the Ape never gave him such opportunities. Christian held the razor. She looked utterly terrified, but stood her ground. He didn't like the look; he didn't like it that she was so stupid as to be brave with him. What if he were really crazy? He could kill her in ten seconds. No way on earth she could get that door unlocked fast enough. The Ape knew; the Ape planned every move on that knowledge; that was the reason for the jacket and garrote and chains. All these madmen in this place—why hadn't anyone told her to be careful? He frowned down at the razor. Then he put it beside the copper bowl on the table, poured lukewarm water and sat down in the chair, attempting to look contrite. It was not his greatest forte. If he'd had words, had himself; flowers, notes, diamonds, waltzes—he knew how to disarm a skittish female. She watched him for a long, long moment. Then she wriggled her wrist a little, as if testing it. With her small, dry smile, she said, "Look pupdog, Sh'voh." Well, hell. "Morlike thou!" she said. She actually laughed, and he realized his repentant expression had turned into a scowl. But her unease had vanished. She dropped the key in her pocket and walked to the table. He sat quite still as she shaved him. The good razor and her deft touch made it better than the Ape's bloodbath, even with the water gone cold—which he supposed he deserved. Sitting backwards in the chair, he tilted his head for her, lifting his jaw so that she could reach without bending so far. He began to smile inwardly. Her Quaker clothes, adorned only with a crossed white scarf at the neckline, weren't made to be viewed from this angle. With his lashes lowered, he could see down the front of her plain bodice, an enjoyable view, a schoolboy pleasure, but he was reduced to such small satisfactions. He had no intention of foregoing this one. She finished all too expeditiously. He watched her clean the razor and the bowl with neat, practiced movements and knew how tigers in the zoo must feel, watching warm temptation pass so close to their cage. Only this enticement was bolted inside with him, until she gathered the shaving utensils and carried them out—another clear chance, so easy—and the bars rang closed. She would do it again. Over and over again. He had to think. He had to get control of his clouded brain and think.
The instant that he saw the new clothes, Maddy could feel the swift rise of his mood. Though he did no more than look at them and touch them, pick up the spurs and hold them, the expectation in his face when he turned to her was something far beyond mere shirt and coat. She thought he was going to embrace her again. She stepped backwards, but he only pushed at her shoulder, a hint that she obeyed with alacrity, stepping into the hall and closing the solid wooden door behind her. After a few minutes, a single sharp thud from inside signalled her to unlock it. He held out his hands, impatient while she managed the cufflinks. She tied his neckpiece. He rested his boot on the chair and shoved one of the spurs onto his heel, held the strap and jerked his head for her to come. She bent over, buckling the leather across the instep, tightening it down against pure black luxury. Supple, shiny, expensive: no months of blisters and dye-stained stockings, no paper-stuffed toes would be required to break in these boots. She felt his attention, intense and close on the simple task. As she found the tiny hole for the buckle, he touched her hands, a searching contact, the way her father felt over objects to identify them. She slowed her movement, opening her hands so that he could see what her fingers did as she tucked the end of the leather through its keeper. He changed legs, shoved the other spur home. His hand hovered over the dangling strap; he laid it across the boot, staring at it. "Here." Maddy took his hands in hers, closed his fingers around the strap and buckle, guiding one through the other. It was awkward; through five attempts with both of them leaning over his boot, Maddy tried to direct his hands and ignore the increasing rhythm of his breathing, the spiraling of frustration that she perceived in his tensing muscles. Bent so close to him, his size and strength felt substantial, an intimidating potential for explosion. At last the strap caught through the buckle. She grabbed at it before it slipped out, pressed the end between his fingers, bent it back—simple and complex; his hands like a child's, untutored, and like a man's, firm and powerful, too large for her to direct readily. She pressed his thumb against the catch; miraculously, it found the hole on the first try. He made a sound, a noise in his throat of success and anger. Maddy guided his hands to finish the task, slide the keeper upward, push the strap through. Another try, another failure. He groaned beneath his breath. But he kept holding the strap and the keeper, a deathgrip that hindered more than helped. She nudged his finger onto the impeding upward twist at the end of the strap, holding down the curl. "Now push it in," she said. He did nothing, just held them. She glanced up at him sideways. His face was close to hers, closer than any man's she'd ever known but her father. He looked at her beneath black lashes. He closed his eyes, and moved his hands. The strap slipped into the keeper. "There. Thou hast it." She let go and stood back. He straightened, his boot still propped on the chair. They were both breathing as if they'd been running hard. "Go," he said, with difficulty. He grinned at her. It was only then, as she saw him there in top boots and spurs, leather breeches, vented green coat, as smart and rakish as any gentleman who had ever paid court to the ladies' carriages in Rotten Row, that she realized what she'd done. She'd dressed him to ride. And he looked at her, charged with anticipation, ignited in expectation of it. "Go," he said again, the effort a sharp exhalation. Without speaking, she shook her head. She had nothing to say. It had been her own ignorant enthusiasm—thinking she knew anything about what he would wish to wear, thinking green would compliment rust and tan. And where had she seen that combination and style every day of her life, pray, but among the gentlemen who rode their burnished mounts in the fashionable squares and streets? In the silence, his grin failed. He looked at her intently, as if by concentration alone he could find what he desired in her expression. She pressed her lips together, helpless to repair the blunder now. She shook her head again. Disillusion chilled his face, turned his aspect to dark ice. He gave her one look, one instant that asked why, and then turned away from her. His hand hovered over the buckled spur. He gazed down at it. With his right hand he worked it free. He propped the left boot up and yanked that spur free with his left hand. He stood holding the spurs, staring down at the chair. In profile, a still and intense emotion carved his mouth and cheek. He made no other move, just stood immobile, but Maddy found her feet moving her backward toward the door and safety. She reached for the key in her pocket. He looked toward her, and not even when he'd looked at Larkin had she seen that depth of venom and contempt in his face. A thread of terror formed and spiraled in her throat. She looked down sideways and fitted the key into the lock, apprehensive even to turn her back on him completely. She swung open the bars and slipped through. The iron door never shut softly; it always locked into place with a loud reverberation of metal on metal. He walked to the door. Without thinking, Maddy moved back, even though protected by the bars. One by one, he held up the spurs and dropped them through. They clanged on the metal and hit the floor with a dead thump. Christian lay on the bed, listening to the sounds of the madhouse. He hated her. False thee-thou pious bitch. To join them after all, treat him to her own little crazy-begetting games, nothing so crude as the ice-bath, nothing he might have expected, have armed himself against; oh, no—much subtler than that, but devastating. To make him hope. To make him believe in her. To make him look a fool, a child: a helpless, inept idiot. He'd thought they were going. Where, how, why; none of that had mattered. Only to go. Only his freedom. Out of the cage with her for assurance that he could manage in the outside. He hated her. Hated her. Hate hate hate hurt cold blood faithless bitch. Mixed up with it was the pain, a different rancor from the pure and honest malice he had for the Ape. To the Ape, he was a moving piece of meat, an ox to be trussed and prodded like all the other mad and dangerous dumb beasts in this place. It had been, Christian understood, nothing personal—until Maddy had come and toppled the keeper off his throne. It was personal now, and that too was her doing. He hated her. He felt ashamed. His back ached with the Ape's punishment, bound now tight white hard to breath. That the humiliation of hope and disappointment could be more fierce than anything the Ape had done to him was a bitter revelation. He'd trusted her, let her see his confusion and hear him speak, guide his hands in their awkward futility. She had brought him his own clothes, helped him strap on spurs, made him into a mirage of himself. Why, why, why Maddygirl? Why give him that hope? Just to take it from him? Just for the power to shake her head? Stand there with her key, so easy to conquer, and step out into where he could not go? Could not. Would not. Was afraid to go alone. He put his hands over his eyes and through his hair, defying the sharp agony in his back. He'd never known he would be a coward, afraid of what he wanted so intensely. He hated her the worse for showing him the reality of himself—that he preferred this animal cell to wrenching the key from her hand and walking on his own out that door. He rolled off the bed, breathing hard against the hurt. Up, he prowled the room, touched each of the few things in it. He found comfort in the table, precisely in its familiar place, the chair just a hand's width from the fireplace grate. Any changes in the room made him angry. He was afraid only a crazy person cared so much about such things, and tried not to care, and still did. He looked down at his feet in the top-boots. A madman. Crazy, mute, imprisoned animal. He caught the bars on the door and shook them against the steel frame, filling the room and hall with clanging metal. Know, Maddygirl? Hear this? Understand feel no self, no pride, sick shame dress coat boots spurs can't go? Understand? He jolted the bars violently. He knew she could hear him. He knew she was sitting in her straight-backed chair, just out of his sight. She didn't come. He sat down, stood up, walked the room again. A thought came to him, a madman's thought, the kind of thought he would not ever in his real life have entertained. But here there was no such thing as honor. Here there was only brute force and feeling, and he was going to make her understand. He was going to make her know how it felt to be broken down to the last depth of disgrace, to lose every rag of self-respect. Lure her to her own shame, make her bring it upon herself, as she had seduced him so easily into hot humiliation. Prim thee thou spinster puritan; he knew exactly how he was going to do it. She did not come back. He spent the long day locked up and dressed as if he were a human being, bored and belittled to a passion. Not only a beast, but now a dancing bear, complete with waistcoat, pearl studs and embroidered braces. Near dark, the sounds of arrival in the courtyard drew him to his window; he watched three carriages being emptied of their occupants, saw Maddy and the Ape and some other keepers divide and shepherd the group inside. The vehicles rolled away, but Maddy and a young man lingered in the drive. The fellow talked to her earnestly, the words distant and impossible for Christian. He leaned his cheek on the bars, watching her listen, seeing her nod and smile as the young man laughed in a giddy way between his sentences. Another lunatic. Christian despised her patronizing politeness; she would have smiled and nodded just so at him, wouldn't she? Indulging crazy children and animals. Not him. She wasn't going to think of him that way. Instead of Maddy, it was the Ape who brought his dinner. The keeper was in a hurry and appeared to take no note when Christian didn't resist the evening routine. Only when he allowed himself to be shackled without defiance did the Ape pause and frown at him. Christian met his speculative glance with cold neutrality. "Choke got think, eh?" The Ape grinned and gave him a push, almost friendly. Christian thought of all the methodical and bloody ways to kill him. He stared at the keeper, unblinking. The Ape, no fool, grunted and took his hand away. They understood one another. To lie chained in the dark and plan a seduction required a potent bend of reality. A twist of ferocity and humor, to swallow his affliction whole, to face the truth of himself and then proceed as if it were merely an inconvenience: a husband or a lover, a perverse floorplan of widely separate bedrooms in a country house, an inquisitive aunt or cousin, something to be worked around in pursuit of the ultimate goal. A challenge. Christian knew women well. He'd frightened her. That would have to be redressed. And he was an inmate. She considered herself his nurse. As to that...he thought of the way she'd looked at him when he'd stood before her naked. Quaker spinster prudish nurse agog. No shriek run, not her. Shock. Scandal. Curious. He looked up through the darkness with a slow smile. He could do it. Damn him if he couldn't. And enjoy it too. "We shall take him on a trial outing tomorrow. Up to the village and back in the carriage. Did you put the new clothes on him?" Maddy stood in front of Cousin Edward's desk. "Yes." He glanced at her meager sentences in the notebook. "Don't overlook details. Always write down such things, and how he responds. Did he tolerate them well?" She put her hands together, squeezed them, and pulled them apart. "What dost thou mean?" "His reaction. Any attempt to remove them? Tear them?" "No. Oh, no. Nothing...nothing of that sort." "No reaction at all, then?" "He was—he has difficulty dressing himself. I believe that makes him angry. I helped him to buckle the spurs." "Spurs?" He sat back in his chair. "Why on earth spurs, dear?" "With the boots, I thought—all the gentlemen in town—it seems they always wear them." "Do they?" He grunted. "That's the fashion, is it?" He looked down again at her notes. "Shaved... dressed... nothing else? He was calm all day?" "Yes. Except that—he was a little—" She searched for a word. "—restless, in the morning. He banged on the door briefly. But he didn't shout." Cousin Edward flipped the notebook closed. "I believe you may be starting to exert some calming influence. We're seeing a little of his former personality here, I think. He has more pride at stake in the presence of a lady. We can use that to encourage self-control. Dress him tomorrow to go out. I dislike to restrain him for the entire trip to London, but we'll see how he conducts himself on a short jaunt first. Tell Larkin we'll leave at eleven." In the morning, Maddy entered Jervaulx's room with her head bent, stepping aside for Larkin to leave. She'd selected the clothes and taken them down early, leaving them in a neat stack on the chair where Larkin would pass in hopes that the male attendant would manage the task of dressing Jervaulx. She'd decided, after long prayer and meditation, that she'd overstepped the true bounds of her Opening—exceeded the divine direction of her Inner Light. She must have, for clearly she was goading Jervaulx to deeper frustration, less acceptance and patience in God's will instead of more. Part of her wished to stay away entirely, and part of her wished to persist, offering what she could of friendship. Half a night of prayer had not convinced her which part was the Reasoner and which a true leading. She was here because Cousin Edward had ordered her to see that Jervaulx was ready for his outing, not because she had any certainty anymore about what she was ordained to do. Larkin stopped, turning back as the bars rang closed. "You put this on him, Miss?" He held up the heavy signet ring. Maddy nodded. "If he hit out, wearing this," Larkin said, "he'd mark me for life. And you—he'd crack your jaw like an egg, Miss." She was silent. "Don't put it on him," Larkin said. He walked away, carrying a bundle of linen and clothes. Maddy turned to Jervaulx. He stood in his place near the window, half-silhouetted. She'd chosen a gray coat this time, with the purple and gold waistcoat, trousers of a darker slate and shoes instead of boots. Larkin had already fastened the buttons, tied the neckcloth in a common, utilitarian square—but Jervaulx had looked an aristocrat even in the asylum's cheap, tight-fitting clothes. Mundane neckcloth or not, he was an absolute duke now. He gazed at her stoically. Then he made a slight bow, as if she were a lady. "Friend," Maddy said in greeting. He smiled a little. She came further into the room. When he moved, however, she stopped at a safe distance from him. Unexpectedly he knelt, a slow and careful move, reaching beneath the bed, drawing something that looked like a rough white stone from the dark space. Maddy prepared to dart for the door, but he only stood up, unthreatening, and held out the raw object toward her. It was the chunk of plaster that he'd knocked from the wall. When she hesitated, he took a step closer, lifted her hand and set the broken piece in it. He made a soft sound, touching the flat surface with his finger. The substance left chalky dust on his hand. Maddy looked down and saw the scratches on the plaster face. A tilt toward the light revealed them—barely—as words. In spite of the crude abrasions and awkwardly pitched letters, though, she knew his handwriting well enough. She could read it. Pretty Mady Sory She gazed down at the crumbly offering. "All right. Yes. Thou art sorry." She kept her face hidden as she spoke. She pressed her lips together, holding the chunk of broken wall between her hands, and whispered, "Not as sorry as I am." He touched her chin, lifted her face on his hand. "I'm so sorry," she said. "About the clothes. Do you understand?" She couldn't tell. She looked into his eyes, into that dramatic pitchy dark blue. A faint, faint smile seemed to come into his face. He let her go, with a light hint of a caress along her cheek. Maddy moved back uncertainly. "Wouldst thou wish to go to the village today?" she asked. His face changed indefinably, lost the faint smile. He stared intently at her lips. "Go," she said. "A drive. The village." "Go." She nodded. "Drive to the village." "Maddygirl—go?" "Thou. You. Jervaulx. You go." He nodded. He touched her arm. "Maddygirl... go?" "Oh. Yes. I'm to go, too. If you like." He smiled at her openly. Maddy curled her fingers around the piece of plaster. It was quite a vivid experience to be the single center of that smile. She returned it with a brief and nervous one of her own. Escorted between the Ape and the medical man, Christian walked outside. He kept his gaze locked on Maddygirl's chaste figure in front of him, her black dress and white collar, the absurd sugar scoop on her head. He felt the cold sun on his face and shoulders, heard the soft blow of the horses, the creak of harness, the sound of feet on the gravel drive. He felt overwhelmed by the outside, all the light and open distance, lawns and lake, trees. He'd thought that the moment he ever got the chance, he would break and run, but it was all he could do to keep from turning and retreating to the house and his cell. Maddy and pride kept him moving forward; he would not be a spineless lunatic, not here, not now. The carriage waited. She climbed inside with a servant's help. Christian followed. Pain lanced through his back as he hiked himself up. He caught a groan between his teeth. The interior smelled of pipe smoke and stale lavender water, a massive vulgarity of rich damask and velvet trimmed purple. Christian felt panic overtaking him, for no reason but that it was the outside. He was afraid someone would see him; he'd be required to understand jabbering strangers; he'd be expected to talk. He grabbed the balance strap on one side and Maddy's hand on the other, gripping both. She turned and looked at him. As the Ape and the medical man took the forward seat, Christian held her hand harder, with no intention of letting go. The medical man smiled benignly. "Bit frite you?" he said. "No dange. Say fuzz." Christian met the pudgy simper with disdain. If he chose to hold on to what seemed solid to him, it was none of this jumped-up commoner's business. The man was ridiculous in a gentleman's breeches and spurred boots this morning—as if he'd ever in his miserable provincial life got out of his country dogcart and mounted a blood horse. Amid the sounds of harness and the low resonance of the team's hooves, the carriage made the familiar lurch and began to roll. Christian let it press him back against the cushions, creating a dull ache in his injury. He concentrated on controlling himself, watching the landscape, not trying for words to name the things he couldn't name. The driveway was long and smooth; of everyone in the carriage, he was the only one hanging on to the balance strap as if to a lifeline. He made an effort, commanding his hand to let go, trying to remember that this was all ordinary to him: a carriage, the outside, the grass, the trees just beginning to turn bright for the autumn. The carriage reached the gates of the property, passed through and began a winding tour among hedge-rowed lanes. Against the pale gold of grain fields, the pastures were still brilliant green. He stared out the window, feeling uneasy. Harvest, work, tenants, day men, swinging metal things, steady rhythm... not there! He had a shock, a terrible intense recollection of Jervaulx Castle, the Welsh marches and wild country, nothing like this manicured view. He should have been there. He'd forgot it. How could he have forgot? Sheep wool... work... tenants—tenants—tenants... The harvest at Jervaulx—who was managing it? They came upon the village suddenly: a few red-roofed and plastered cottages, a church, a public house under the sign of a black bull. The vehicle slowed. It stopped before the tavern, swayed as the footman climbed down to open the door. Christian felt taken by surprise, flustered, still trying to follow the new thought of his home and the harvest. He caught the balance strap again, squeezed hard on it and Maddy's hand. The medical man got out. He stood at the steps and looked at Christian with that bland and expectant smile. The landlord came to the door of the tap-room, wiping his hands on his apron, good-humored with his easy greeting, as if he'd expected them. Christian didn't move. He wouldn't get out here, expose himself as a lunatic in public. "Come?" the medical man said. Christian glared at him. "Get on," the Ape said and stood up, bent beneath the low ceiling. He motioned to Christian to go in front of him. Christian braced back in the seat in spite of the pain of it. He hung on to the strap and to Maddy, made a low growl in his throat. He didn't want to get out; he didn't want to start a fight that would end in worse humiliation for him. He looked desperately at Maddy. She smiled at him, just that sort of reassuring smile that she'd given the laughing young madman the day before, like a patient nursemaid for her children. Christian saw abruptly what it all was: a charade, a little play in which everyone knew their part. The landlord awaiting the carriage, the quiet village, the Ape standing by—a pretense of the real outside when Christian wasn't outside at all. He was still locked in the madhouse. They had only expanded the walls. There was no public to humiliate him here. They already knew he was a lunatic. They expected it. He could burst into howls of insanity, and they would only smile those gentle smiles at him and wrestle him into the chains. Maddy's hand worked restively in his, in spite of the encouraging expression she maintained. Christian knew she was afraid of what he would do: she wasn't overly good at hiding it. That, of anything, made him release her hand and stand up and let himself down from the carriage like a civilized man—because he didn't want her afraid of him. He wanted her afraid of herself, little patronizing patient thee-thou spinster. Outside the carriage, she smiled at him again. Christian bore it. He was the prize pupil, subdued and compliant. He was calm. He was a very, very good boy. Maddy slowly relaxed as the occasion seemed to be proceeding smoothly. Jervaulx's initial tension had vanished; he looked about the village with casual interest, as if he'd never been wrought up at all, though her hand still held the after-ache from the strength of his grip in the carriage. "Shall we take a walk?" Cousin Edward asked. "Her Grace requested that Mr. Pember have an introduction to Master Christian. The vicarage is across the common." As Maddy gathered her skirt and reticule in preparation to follow, she saw the moment of panic in Jervaulx's eyes. He hesitated, with an intense, sweeping glance. Then in one of the uncanny alchemies she was coming to recognize, he controlled the confusion and held on to himself. With an ironic look toward Cousin Edward, who was already moving away, Jervaulx walked to Maddy and offered his escort. She felt oddly bashful to have this courtesy expended on her. He took her hand on his arm as if it were utterly natural—perhaps it was, to him, but Maddy had never walked arm-in-arm alongside any man besides her father, excepting only briefly in and out of Meeting when the doctor had been courting her. Of course, Jervaulx only did it because he was what he was, a duke and a gentleman, and intended Cousin Edward not to forget it. Maddy understood that much. When Jervaulx put his other hand over her fingers, not allowing her to slip them away, it was a demonstration for the benefit of Cousin Edward. Still, a maiden Quaker lady could feel rather complimented, and perhaps imagine just a tiny sinful hint of what it must be like to be a duchess—even if she was one of the Peculiar People and her duke a lost and disordered spirit. With Larkin trailing them, she walked with Jervaulx across the common. Somehow it wasn't awkward; she didn't have to shorten or lengthen her steps to match his, as she'd had to do in her fleeting strolls with the doctor. She didn't have to watch her feet: the little beaten path through the grass was hers, while Jervaulx kept to the more uneven turf. How many ladies he must have escorted in this way, to be so pleasant and easy at it! When they came to the lane on the other side of the common, he paused, just as if it were a busy London street and he her dependable escort across. At the vicarage gate, he gave way for her to precede him, leaning forward to hold it open as it began to swing closed behind Cousin Edward. She passed through. Jervaulx released the gate to the weight of the suspended ball and chain that caused it to fall rapidly shut. At the sharp bang and Larkin's grunt behind them, Maddy glanced aside at Jervaulx. He lifted his eyebrow and looked down at her with an expression of aristocratic languor. Mr. Pember was already in his hallway to greet them, primed for the occasion by the note Cousin Edward had dictated to Maddy in advance. He was a vicar of the sort she'd been brought up to think the very worst of his breed: obsequious and comfortable, his home full of stuffed sofas, carpets, dishes of sweetmeats and too many beeswax candles and lamps. A few minutes' conversation, and she decided him to be amiable, kind, and perfectly disagreeable. It was no wonder that the dowager duchess had found him worthy of an introduction to her son: he was full of just the sort of pious sentiments that the lady had discoursed upon at such length in her letters. Mr. Pember began talking at Jervaulx about the wages of vice and moral turpitude from the moment that everyone had been introduced, speaking of a just punishment in the most genial and mild voice, looking at Jervaulx from behind square spectacles, with frequent resort to a handkerchief between pinches of snuff. Maddy hoped that Jervaulx understood none of it; she hoped that he thought it was only country gossip, which was precisely the tone in which the vicar delivered his sanctimonious pronouncements of divine judgment. She didn't think Jervaulx comprehended Mr. Pember's words. The duke merely looked at his host with an expression of polite boredom, as if he'd been through this sort of thing many times before. He accepted tea from the housekeeper, glancing over his cup and the woman's plump shoulder as she poured for Cousin Edward, giving Maddy a secret smile, perceptive and subtle. Sitting in the front parlor between the vicar and her cousin, Maddy felt closer to Jervaulx than she had felt alone with him in his barred room. There, she was the stranger, miles and lifetimes different from him, unable to understand or be understood. Here, communication between them seemed perfect: an instant agreement on this little society and its annoyingly pious mummery. Jervaulx picked up his cup and saucer and stood, looking out the window into the back garden. The vicar's sermon paused. Apparently even he was unable to go on in the face of such obvious indifference. In the little silence, Jervaulx said, "Cat." The expression on Mr. Pember's face was almost comical. Maddy could see him rapidly revising his estimation of Jervaulx's intelligence downward. The vicar nodded and chuckled uneasily. "Oh, yes. A pretty kitty, isn't she?" Jervaulx looked at Maddy. He set his teacup on the windowsill and made a gesture with his hand for her to come. "Oh, dear—is it quite the thing?" Mr. Pember asked, as Jervaulx walked to the door. "Does he wish to go outside?" The duke stopped beside Maddy's chair. He turned to Mr. Pember and in the sort of tone that could command regiments, uttered. "Cat." His hand fell on Maddy's shoulder. He gave her a hard nudge. "It's all right. Go outside with him, Cousin Maddy. Let him look at the cat if he wishes. Just stay inside the garden wall." She rose, happy to comply. The housekeeper led them to the back door that opened into a pleasant kitchen and cutting garden. Inside a high brick wall, asparagus was going to feathery yellow and seed. Carrots had been planted in short, even rows. It wasn't until Maddy had stepped outside a few feet that she saw around the corner. There, against the side wall, a bushy plot of dahlias made an amazing sight: brilliant huge platters of blossoms, red and orange and pink-hued white, staked full seven feet tall and blooming at their autumn peak. It was just the sort of garden Maddy had always wished to have herself—mostly practical, but with a corner saved for something vivid and wondrous, something not at all useful save in its own joyous fantasy. The vicarage cat, a plain yellow tabby with a crooked tail, disappeared behind the dahlias. Maddy hadn't thought Jervaulx really interested in the animal; she'd supposed that he'd only used it for an excuse to escape the parlor, but he walked away from her, following the cat into its shadowy alley behind the flowers. Maddy stood waiting. His passage rustled the plants. The top-heavy blooms swayed cheerfully, moved by an invisible hand. The cat appeared suddenly atop the wall, balancing from the leap. She hissed back at where Jervaulx was hidden, then jumped off the other side. The garden grew quiet. Maddy tilted her head, expecting him to come out, having lost the tabby. She could hear muffled laughter from the group in the parlor and a strange, faint, squeaky noise beneath the light breeze. She moved forward cautiously, not quite sure of Jervaulx. He wasn't above leaping out to grab her, she was perfectly certain of that. She held her skirt up above the dirt path and leaned forward, peering around the back of the thick bush of dahlias to the space in the shadow of the wall. He stood leaning against the bricks. In his hand, he held a spotted tortoiseshell kitten, while another three or four crawled and mewled and tumbled over his feet. He stroked the tiny creature's head with his thumb. From the hidden corner, he looked up at Maddy with a beckoning smile.
She hesitated. In the narrow aisle behind the dahlias, he bent down to scoop up another kitten, holding them together in the cup of one hand, a spotted puff against a black one. They hissed tiny hisses at one another, and then fumbled together, settling in his palm. Maddy moved closer, careful of the others at his feet. He held the pair as she stroked their plumy tips of fur with her forefinger. When he pressed the spotted one toward her, she took it into her own hand, feeling the tiny pinprick claws in the transfer. The space behind the dahlias made her think of when she'd been a child and crawled beneath the baize cloth on the parlor table, surrounded by folds that hung all the way to the floor, creating a dim room of her own. Here and now, the daydream room was built of plants and brick, not cloth; the green wall rustled. No man-made scents, sweet and vain, but the smells of earth and earthy perfumes. She lifted her face, looking from beneath her bonnet to Jervaulx. The duke stood leaning his shoulder against the brick, holding the kitten in one hand, moving his thumb rhythmically over the tiny creature's head. His face still held that faint, knowing hint of a smile. He lifted the black kitten toward her, held it within a breath of her cheek. His hand with its small burden drifted downward, so that the kitten's fur caressed her skin from her temple to her lips. She could feel the little animal shift in his palm. Its dainty nose touched her, exploring. The kitten eyes, wide and blue, stared into hers from an inch away. A paw came out, reached up, clung to the stiff brim of her bonnet, too weak to budge it but ready to play. Tiny teeth and claws opened wide and tried to sink into the rigid brim. Jervaulx made a soft sound of amusement. He lowered his palm. With a violent soprano mew of distress, the kitten hung suspended for an instant, pulling Maddy's bonnet forward over her eyes. The others broke into a bantam chorus of cries, but before the victim could fall, Jervaulx caught it safely back into his palm. Maddy moved to readjust her bonnet. She pushed back the brim, settled it properly again, an awkward job as the kitten in her other hand began to try to crawl up her bodice. Jervaulx reached out. She thought he was going to rescue her from the tortoiseshell kitten busily climbing her dress, but instead he caught her bonnet-string. He curled it in his fingers and tugged lightly. The tight constraint came free. He lifted the bonnet away and held it dangling in his hand. Maddy pressed the spotted kitten against her dress, looking down, avoiding the sudden awareness, the disarmed sensation. She reached to take the bonnet, but he leaned his shoulders on the wall and held the prize behind him. When she met his eyes, he began to smile. He lifted his arm, teasing. As he swept the bonnet upward, Maddy grabbed at it one-handed, unbalanced in her effort to lean forward without endangering kittens by shifting her feet. She missed. He held the bonnet high. Maddy stretched. With a flick, he tossed it over the wall. The spotted kitten gave a little cry as she almost dropped it and fell against him. He made no move to steady her. She pushed herself awkwardly off the solid brace of his arm and side, standing straight. He grinned; an instant of devastating dark blue eyes and humor slanted at her. A moment later, like a bad schoolboy, he'd composed his features to an earnest and virtuous gravity. "My bonnet!" Her stout censure met his mischief like a stone flung into mist: much effort and little effect. "Thou art iniquitous!" He flicked a glance at her. She saw the slight frown pass over his face and disappear into proud neutrality. He didn't understand the words, but wouldn't acknowledge it. "Wicked," she added, for amplification. He looked straight ahead into the green tangle of dahlias. He tilted his head, as if considering whether he would accept that assessment. "A scoundrel," she stated. "A rogue." That pleased him, the frivolous wretch; she could tell it. He cradled the kitten in his hand, rubbing its black fur with his thumb. Maddy bent down and deposited her kitten on the ground, pulling the others free of her skirts. As she rose and took a step backward, he caught her arm. She should not have let it stop her. For the first instant of it, she could have simply turned and walked free of the touch, out of the shadowy hidden place behind the flowers. But she hesitated, and the grip on her arm became something to break. It wasn't tight or hard, but it was real. He leaned back against the wall, his head turned toward her. The black kitten decided to climb his coat, crawling upward. Maddy gazed at that. She felt she could not look up, take her eyes from its faltering progress. He caught the kitten with his free hand and pulled it away from his chest. He let go of her, lifted himself clear of the wall. Maddy thought of stepping backwards, and didn't. She watched him as he knelt and scooped kittens into his hands. The spotted one, the black, two yellow tabbies and a funny little fellow with silver tufts at the tips of its ears: five kittens overflowing his hands and clinging to his waistcoat with tiny frantic mews as he rose. A yellow tabby tumbled free. Maddy gasped and caught it in her skirt. As she straightened, he lifted the black kitten to her shoulder. Pins pricked through her dress. He raised the tortoiseshell to her other shoulder, put the second tabby beneath one ear and the tufted silver beneath the other, plucked the kitten from her skirt and deposited it on top of her head. Maddy, half-bewildered, half-laughing, caught at kittens as they teetered and whimpered and fell. When she was too slow to save one, he did, replacing it, snuggling the warm bodies against her throat for the moment they would remain there. The one atop her head stayed put, but cried and cried, digging in claws that tickled painfully. Finally a tabby and the tufted gray retained their purchase on her shoulders. The black and the tortoiseshell capsized off, but he lifted the two, installing them like soft and ticklish mufflers against her throat, kept in place by his hands. He held them there. Rhythmic, energetic kitten laments filled her ears. The squirming bodies drove minute needles of pain through her dress and hair and skin. His mouth hovered near hers. Even if she had tried to step back, she couldn't have, without kittens toppling in all directions. She felt herself entrapped by it, frozen into place by him. He brushed his mouth against hers, so lightly and briefly that it was a mere breath, a warmth, a touch and then gone before her lips parted to object. He was smiling at them, at her, holding kittens at her ears, caressing the protesting animals along her cheeks. She sucked in a quick breath as pins burrowed into her forehead and the kitten on top tried to scamper down her nose. Jervaulx stepped back. He caught the falling tabby with a laughing sound in his throat. His hands washed over with wriggling fur. The others began to slip, dislodged by her startle, driving desperate needles through her clothes to hang on. Maddy ducked, scrambling to break their fall. A small shower of kittens overturned into the soft soil as she fell to her knees. Jervaulx knelt beside her and let his handful tumble out. They picked themselves up and scampered with comical unsteadiness after the others, into the dark between the thick stalks of dahlias. "Cousin Maddy?" The doctor's call made her turn, instantly guilty as she and Jervaulx knelt behind the flowers. "Cousin Maddy?" The voice sharpened. "Where are you?" She stood up, brushing dirt from her skirt. "Here." She walked quickly from behind the dahlias. "We're back here." Cousin Edward came in haste, brushing past her to get to Jervaulx. "Is it an attack? Is he having visions?" "No! Wait—it isn't—" Maddy tried to hold him back from trampling down dahlias in the narrow space. Beyond him, Jervaulx stood up, but she couldn't see his face. "Irrational?" Cousin Edward snapped, without turning from Jervaulx. "No! It's nothing like that." Cousin Edward relaxed a little. He glanced back at her. "Attempting to escape?" "There were kittens. We were playing with kittens." "Here?" Her cousin kept Jervaulx within the scope of his attention, obviously wary of his patient. "You shouldn't have gone out of sight of the window. Come now, Master Christian—it's time to go home. Will you come?" Maddy found herself repelled by the cajoling tone of his voice. She turned away, walking into the house. She retrieved her reticule from a chair in the parlor and stood waiting in the hallway with Larkin and Mr. Pember. "Your bonnet, Miss?" the housekeeper asked. "It blew over the wall." "Oh." The housekeeper seemed a little puzzled. "Should I send next door?" "It's no matter. If someone finds it, it can be conveyed to the Hall, please." She kept her face lowered, her shoulders straight: the perfect, quiet, employed assistant. With Cousin Edward close behind, Jervaulx came striding into the hall from the garden door. He picked up his hat and gloves from the side table, gave Mr. Pember a bow of flawless condescending authority, and turned to the front door. The housekeeper hustled to hold it open. Jervaulx paused next to Maddy. She hesitated between her role as attendant and his offered arm, between Cousin Edward's justifiable and proper expectations and kittens at her throat, Jervaulx's face laughing silently so close above hers. He looked down at her now with an assumption that had rightfully belonged to him in another time and place: a gentleman in command of a lady's entire existence—her hand on his arm, her clothes and her amusements, her time and sentiment and livelihood. In a moment of revelation, Maddy realized that this was the Devil looking at her out of gentian eyes: that her Opening to serve Jervaulx was not without its real and dangerous temptations. She had been foolishly vain to think this affliction entirely a divine lesson for the duke, with nothing in it to humble herself. It was easy to be virtuous—and deceitfully proud of it—across the abyss of their stations in life: the nobleman and the maiden Quaker lady from Chelsea. But God had taken the Duke of Jervaulx right down to the level of Maddy Timms. From an equal vantage, the Devil smiled at kittens and at her... and Maddy felt the prick of it on her heart like a tiny claw that seized at her for safety. She made no move to take his arm. The comprehension of that seemed slow to come to him; he stood there too long before he looked down and then placed his hat on his head. He held the gloves. Maddy knew he couldn't put them on alone. She reached to help him, but he stopped her with a murderous look, gripped the elegant yellow kidskin in one hand, and walked ahead of her out the door. Cousin Edward stood at his desk, sipping noisily at his tea as he read over the notes Maddy had made on the day. He nodded, set the cup on his desk, and slapped the notebook down on the polished surface. Golden liquid spilled over into the saucer. "I do believe we've stumbled upon something. I believe we have! He is much improved. I never thought we should have such a successful day on our very first attempt." Maddy picked up the book. "Have I written it out properly?" "Very adequate. Better than yesterday. You need to add considerably more detail of how he conducted himself on your walk in the garden. It's clear that he followed the cat into the flowerbed, but you might add a bit of description about his attention to the kittens. Was he aggressive or gentle with them? Did he try to speak at all? Did he seem to prefer a particular animal, and if so, describe it. That sort of thing." "I see." The doctor took another gulp of tea. "I have an intuition about this, Cousin Maddy. This trial of using you as his primary attendant. It's unprecedented—but I'm beginning to see that it might be the natural extension of our social therapy. If a harmonious mix of the sexes is useful in promoting control in the nonviolent patients, why then should it not have a similar, perhaps an even more powerful benefit, in the treatment of the violent patient?" His voice had begun to take on a sing-song quality. He looked off into the far corner, his chin raised a little, as if envisioning the paper he might write on the topic. He looked back at Maddy. "We've had some aspersions cast on our policy of social mixing of the sexes here. I believe it's professional jealousy, but a case study of the usefulness of the technique with a truly intractable patient—that should leave little room for doubt. Tomorrow, you may take him out and about the house and gardens." He tapped rapidly on the edge of his desk. "And I think perhaps we'll keep Larkin's presence at a greater distance. We've had him within a moment's reach—but that might become too obvious outside of the duke's room." Maddy wasn't so certain she was ready to do without Larkin nearby. She slipped her forefinger inside the pages of the notebook, squeezing them together on it. "Perhaps—rather than the gardens—I might take him to visit my father." "An excellent notion. Begin with that, a call in the family parlor. And try to make him understand what an award that is. Very, very few of the patients are ever invited into the family parlor, and then only the best behaved. If he responds well, you must continue right on to the outdoors. It's important to provide an immediate reward for good behavior. To take him back to his room too soon would counter the positive effect." "Oh." He glanced up at her. Maddy was afraid that her expression must convey her doubt, for he paused and frowned at her. She thought of her Opening and her duty to Jervaulx. This was for his benefit. She could not turn away from it because she suddenly found herself afraid to be alone with him. Cousin Edward pulled open a desk drawer. He took out a silver chain and pushed it toward her. "Just keep this whistle about you." His pride was in it now. He was determined. Christian saw that he'd made progress, not so much by her bemused reaction to the kittens, but in the way she wouldn't touch or look at him afterward. Just as well. He'd been tired returning, moving on determination alone. They'd all talked faster, garbling sounds; he'd felt his tenuous hold on comprehension slipping. He'd let it go, weary blurred transparent head ache, fade. Not care sometimes, just... not. With the morning, he got energy back, and Maddygirl. From his chair, he watched her bend over his bed, smoothing it to a pointless precision. He sat thinking of pleasures, his arms crossed over the rails. With satisfaction in reach, he permitted himself imagination—a luxury he'd not ventured to indulge in this place. Let her pretend to be the nurse, offer to assist him with his gloves in front of the others. He'd allowed his temper to get the better of him in his reaction to that yesterday, he knew: it was only native female defense—natural retreat from his first move. In a ballroom it would have been a tap with a fan and giddy flirting with other men, slow stalk and response, a pastime he knew down to his bone and sinew. She straightened up and turned to him. He smiled at her lazily, which had just the effect he wanted: a flustered little transfer of her attention to some foolish task, in this case wiping her apron over the already dusted table. She wore no sugar scoop on her head today. The sun made a rainbow on the tight sheen of her ale-gold hair trapped in its thee-thou spinster knot. He allowed himself one fantasy of it showering free across her bare shoulders. She smoothed down her skirt. "Udst thou likall tims is-morn?" The vision fell apart in frustration. He gripped the bars of the chair. "Slow." He managed to get it out, scowling at her. "Favver," she said. "Tims." "Tims," he echoed, damnably, when what he intended was to command her to speak more slowly. "Mathematics. Tims." Enlightenment dawned. He struggled to say the name. "Mah—Timms. Euclid; the... the—ah... the parallel axiom is independent of the other Euclidean axioms. It cannot be deduced from them." Her look at him labeled him crazy. But he wasn't crazy. He could talk about mathematics, that was all. "Go?" she asked. "Timms?" Go to her father? He made a sound of amazed assent and stood up. The Ape had dressed him again in decent clothes, Christian's own clothes. Maddygirl had fastened his cuffs. He felt hopeful and uncertain, afraid that they would make him count on this new whim of being treated as something close to a human being. She unlocked the door, stepped out and held it open. He followed her. The man across the hall mumbled angrily as they passed, reaching out toward Maddy through the door of his cage. Christian thrust himself forward, but she'd already stepped neatly out of reach. The lunatic caught Christian's arm instead. The fingers dug in, then suddenly released him, patting, plucking at his sleeve. The man's furious expression had gone to bewilderment, as if he couldn't understand why Christian was standing there. Some attendant had combed the man's hair down, but on one side it stood up straight and wild, as if he'd been pulling at it. He began to mutter something Christian couldn't understand, a litany of "Jees-dev, jees-dev," whispering under his breath. His blank eyes stared into Christian's, a tempest, lifeless and alive at once. Christian stared back. Look like this? This? He was horrified. Not this... not!... He gave Maddy a distraught look, wrenching his arm from the lunatic's grasp. He wanted to tell her, to make her comprehend that he was not mad, but nothing at all would come: not the tortured syllables he'd achieved lately, not even the simpleton echo of what he heard. It all left him, everything that had begun to come back. When she spoke, it seemed meaningless, no sense at all in the tangle of sounds. Not mad not not no no not! He couldn't move. She was talking to him. He made nothing of it; he only knew that he had to subdue the frenzy inside him. Had to act like a sane man; had to do it, had to. It was at that instant the most crucial thing in God's creation: that he move forward down the hall, calm and rational in his actions. The square of the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. The theorem gave him a hold. He was sane. He was himself. He was going with her to call on her father. The sum of the squares of the projections of a plane figure upon three mutually perpendicular planes is equal to the square of the area of the figure. Effortless to generalize Pythagoras, more challenging to move into analytical geometry. He could walk forward calmly. He could think beyond projectives to his own passion: the imaginary geometry outside Euclid. Through a point C lying outside a line AB there can be drawn in the plane more than one line not meeting AB. It existed: a logical geometry that described the properties of physical space, built in direct conflict with the parallel postulate. The Euclidean parallel axiom did not stand, though mathematicians had been trying to find a rigorous proof of it since the Greeks. He knew of men far madder than he, men who'd burned out their whole lives in search of an unassailable demonstration, wasted themselves and their families and their health in the quest. The wiser ones gave it up—and he and Timms had gone at it backward and found an answer in reverse. He remembered something, something at the edge of a great confusion... rain sky dark sound... thunder! He remembered faces, hands together, moving... sound, the sound of hands together... hands at the Analytical Society. Timms. Paper, yes. Yes. Timms. Christian found himself able to move. He walked beyond the madman. He was demonstrably in possession of himself, passing down the stairs of a luxuriously furnished country house. Timms would understand, and Christian was going to see him. "Papa, he is here. The duke." Maddy closed the parlor door behind them. Before she could do more, Jervaulx strode past her to Papa's chair. He looked down at the scatter of wooden letters and numerals on the table. He stared for an instant at the precise arrangement of a trigonometric equation. He grasped her father's hand. "Friend!" her papa said, with a smile and a depth of warmth that made something change in Jervaulx's face. "I've missed thee sorely." The duke got down on his knees. He held her father's hand in both of his and pressed his forehead against them. He knelt there, silent. Her father turned his face toward him. Papa reached out with his free hand and traced their clasped fists, spread his palm and moved it down the side of Jervaulx's face. "Friend," he said again. Jervaulx made a sound in his throat, a low growl that somehow conveyed more of love and pleasure than any words Maddy had ever heard. He opened his eyes, stood up, releasing her father's hand. He touched the wooden formula. His forefinger caressed it. He said, "Tangent of half the boundary angle pi. X here, negative exponent." He placed a minus sign. "Yes?" He looked toward her father. Papa immediately felt over the carved symbols for the correction. "Yes. I agree." "Calculate for one. X equals one." He was silent a few moments, studying the table. "Boundary angle, forty degrees, twenty-four minutes." He looked toward Papa again, intensely. "For the paper?" "Pa—" Jervaulx clenched his jaw. "Pah-huh." He flung himself away from the table, pacing the room. "Yes, yes, yes. Pah-huh." "X equal to one," her father said impeturbably. "I shall calculate it out in the paper." Jervaulx stopped at the window. Beyond him, cloud shadows rolled along the drive and the lawn. They fell over his face and moved on. He appeared to be watching the shapes or the sky. He cast a glance at Maddy. Then he wandered the room again, but closer to the table, as if it drew him. He stopped at the trigonometric equation again. "Calculate in physical space. Not theory. Parallax. Application. Physical space." "With what example? The distances are too large." Jervaulx worked at speaking. Nothing came. He strode to the window and pointed out, upward, looking toward Maddy. "The sky?" she ventured. He nodded abruptly. "Sky. Dark." "Ah," her father said. "Stars, then?" "Stars," Jervaulx said.
The Mécanique céleste and Laplace in French, Theoria motus and Gauss in Latin, with reference to Kepler's Astronomia nova and Newton's Principia—Maddy had her head bent over one or another of her father's books all morning. Jervaulx couldn't seem to read the words, but he could speak numbers and mathematical equations, even read them aloud if he cared to do so, but he seemed better pleased to take the volume out of her hands, leaf through it impatiently, find the tables he wanted, and hand it back to her to recite while he and her father conferred, forming and rearranging equations for the parallax of stars and arguing hotly about the suitability for publication of distances that must be so preposterously large. Her father took the conservative view that they would expose themselves to ridicule with such unthinkable numbers, while Jervaulx, for his side of the debate, just banged his fist on the table and made the symbols jump. Predictably, Jervaulx won. After the first hour, Maddy had made the mistake of suggesting that he might like to walk outside. For this suggestion, she received a sigh of plaintive resignation from her papa—and from Jervaulx, once she made herself understood, an eloquent look of incredulity and scorn, and an imperious thump on the page of Gauss in her lap. She bent her head and resumed reading aloud. When the maid came to serve her father's luncheon, the men were past the earlier argument and deep in the arithmetical side of their calculation. Neither of them paid the slightest attention to the tray, except that the duke tore off half of her father's bread, sat down at the table and ate it while computing astronomical squares. Maddy looked helplessly at the maid and asked that a meal also be brought for herself and Jervaulx. She ate hers unaccompanied, during a period of considerable difficulty in the figuring. Jervaulx was aggravated by the wooden numerals; he demanded a pen of Maddy more than once, but she pretended not to understand him, recalling Cousin Edward's rule that he was not to have writing or drawing instruments. She feared that she had already transgressed that guideline in principle with the wooden symbols, for he was certainly in an agitated state with them. It was as if he didn't even wish to look at them, but kept his head turned aside a little as he maneuvered them across the table, or sometimes, scowling ferociously, closed his eyes and felt of them as her father did, turning them over and over in his hand before he placed them. But he was speaking better, managing fluent phrases sometimes even beyond the mathematics, and his fervor was all focused on the calculations. She suspected that he'd not have conducted himself very much more calmly even before his affliction. Maddy recognized a mathematical obsession when she saw one. She sat in her chair, a few feet from the table, feeling oddly jealous. With the whistle safely round her neck, she had been rather looking forward to walking outside with Jervaulx. Cousin Edward looked in once, in the afternoon. Maddy rose quietly and went to the door, standing just inside to speak with him. Their low voices didn't even seem to reach Jervaulx, although her father turned his face toward them, listened for a moment, and turned back. The doctor stood watching as Jervaulx pushed numbers back and forth on the table, viewed them and changed them. Maddy knew that to her cousin it appeared no more than pointless animation, a crazy sort of mental tic. But Jervaulx was composed, and so the doctor was pleased. Cousin Edward went away. The door closed. To Maddy's surprise, Jervaulx knocked a value for an angle out of place and sat back, looking toward her. Her father was still working, his hands hovering over his own wooden symbols in that way he had when he was deep in computation. Jervaulx glanced at him, and at her, and rose from his chair. Her papa's head turned slightly, a recognition of the change, and then he went back to his labor. The duke strolled to the window. He stretched his head back and gave a sign of relaxation. Then he looked over his shoulder at Maddy. She pressed her back against the door. "Wouldst thou like to take a walk?" He made no response. The way he continued to look at her made her squeeze the doorhandle in her fingers. It was his pirate look, easy and wicked. He meandered to the bookcase, tilting his head, frowning for a moment at the titles there. Then he moved on, to the secretary, the reading table. A slow circle of the room, leading inexorably to where she stood at the door. She could have stepped out. There was nothing whatsoever to prevent it. She could have opened the door to the rest of the house, as if she naturally assumed that he wished to go through. Instead she just stood there, working her fingers round the handle. Her father bent over his arithmetic, innocent. That he could have identified where she and Jervaulx stood in the room at a moment's request, Maddy didn't doubt. Jervaulx made no particular effort at silence, at least until he paused within a hand's breadth of her. The whole room, and he stopped so close, as near as he had been when she tied his neckcloth and fastened his cufflinks: his breath and his warmth just touching her, the same as they did then. She didn't have her bonnet, hadn't realized until this moment how the stiff, deep brim was protection, how it had kept his face at a safe distance from hers. "A walk?" she repeated, her voice too faint. He only stood there, absurdly close. Blue eyes, black lashes—smiling. He dropped his gaze to the whistle dangling at her bodice. The smile became cynical. He touched the silver, toyed with it. Then he lifted it and turned it in his hand. He held the mouthpiece just skimming her lower lip, daring her. Her rapid breath made a tiny sound come from it, like the distant peep of a lost chick. Her father lifted his head, listening. "Maddy girl?" he asked. She turned her mouth from the whistle. "Yes, Papa?" "I think there may be a sparrow in the chimney. Dost thou hear it?" Jervaulx lifted his arms, resting his fists on the door frame to either side of her. The chain of the whistle slid and tightened at her throat as he kept it in his hand. He held her trapped, his smile growing into a mocking grin. "I don't hear it." Maddy pressed her shoulders back against the door. "I'll... ask the groundskeeper to look." Her father seemed satisfied, going back to his calculations. Maddy was amazed. It was impossible that she was standing with a man holding her enclosed against the door—incredible that she didn't push him away, break free, call out to her papa. Jervaulx leaned on one arm. He traced the whistle over the curve of her ear, watching what he did with a fascinated openness. He brought the cool silver along her chin, warming the metal with his fingers. The instrument grazed an arc across her lips to the center of them, and then back the side; to the center, and back again. He leaned closer. Maddy's breath was singing faintly, unevenly, through the silver alarm. He held it against her lips, his fingers spread across her cheek and chin. He bent his head and pressed his mouth to the silver, a kiss with her protection caught and made useless inside. The whistle slipped from his fingers. She felt it bounce against her breasts as his mouth came to hers. He touched her as the silver had touched her, just a light graze, but warm. He took modesty and virtue and salvation away from her so easily. She gave it up so easily. She stood washed in the sensation of his featherlight contact against her lips, his breath mingling with hers. It seemed as if God's light within her must be shining bright, filling her with wonder. This man, his eyes closed, dark lashes so frivolously long as they rested against his skin: even his eyelashes were unholy in their opulence. His tongue moved over her as if she were a ginger lozenge, to be tasted in small nibbles. He took her lower lip between his teeth, gently, teasing. A flourish of pure fleshly joy blossomed in her body. She felt her own will leap up to meet his. Her mouth opened; he answered instantly with a deep and ardent union. His hands drew downward, closing as he leaned into her, bracing his forearms on the door. He enveloped her. The feel of his kiss was strange and painful and electric. Her hands opened helplessly, trying to find something to touch that wasn't him, but everything was him: all the solid reality within reach. He opened his palms and smoothed her hair—sweetly, over and over like a parent would touch a child—at the same time that he kissed her, pressing hard against her, a forceful intercourse of their mouths and bodies. He broke it, pulling back to look into her face. They were both breathing deeply, almost silently—as it had all been silent, in this room with her father just two yards away. In her ears, her pulse beat frantically. She began to feel what she'd done. Her soul came back from some place it had gone, lost in self-will, sunk in vanity and carnal pleasure. Jervaulx was watching her. Maddy stared up at him. He was the Devil—smiling a little, tender, a warmth that she'd never foreseen, not in all her everyday prayers to God to keep her soul safe and in spiritual grace. Never once had she imagined that Satan would smooth her hair, would smell of heat and earth... wouldn't speak, wouldn't hiss evil promises in her ears. Never once had she thought he would be anything but ugly and corrupt and easy for virtuous Archimedea Timms to scorn. He looked down at her. The warmth in his smile went to slow irony. He took a curl of her hair that had fallen free and brushed it under her chin, then pushed himself away. The floor creaked under the shift of his weight. Her father sighed and sat back in his chair. "It's a fearful thing, this." Papa shook his head over the astronomical calculations. "Inconceivable. I shouldn't have believed the results if I hadn't done it myself." Jervaulx turned. He went to the table and braced his hands against the edge, bent over the computation, his head cocked to one side. "Dost thou think it holds?" her father asked, after Jervaulx had frowned at it for a long time. The duke looked up at Maddy. He swept his hand over the formula her father had completed, where the value for the earth's distance from the sun was multiplied by numbers half a million times greater than itself to reach the realms of their new geometry. "Stars," he said, his face alight with passion. "In... finity." And he smiled at her as if he owned it: distance and space and stars and infinity... as if he owned her, too. Silence, and Meeting. The plain walls, the plain benches, simple, stark, silent, awaiting the still, small voice of God. The woman in front of Maddy, dressed in gray wool, had a cracked button at the top of her collar. When she bent her head, a single faint wisp of dark hair escaped the back of her bonnet. It was a small Meeting, not more than twelve Friends sitting motionless in the square room. No one took the elders' position facing the members. No one spoke. They listened, subdued self-will to the guiding spirit within. Maddy stared at the woman's wisp of hair. She felt something she'd never felt before in Meeting—she felt herself among strangers. Everyone here was quiet, in a state of spiritual stillness, unadorned and undefiant. As Maddy should be. As she always had been in the past. She looked at the escaped strands of hair and thought of the duke with her bonnet. She looked at the bare and sober walls and saw his smile: mocking, tender, exulting in stars and infinity. Infinity. Even that seemed somehow immoral. How could anyone but God Himself dare to trifle with infinity? To harness it with numbers and lay it on a baize tablecloth? Perhaps that was why He had struck Jervaulx down with this affliction—for wicked hubris, for daring to turn the universe inside out and make a calculation that wouldn't fit inside the world God had given to Man. She felt the power of the new geometry without understanding it. She'd heard the awe in her father's voice. Numbers, stars, parallax... infinity. Maddy found herself on her feet. She stood helplessly. A thousand words and thoughts possessed her, none of them spiritual or even rational. Many times in her life she'd sat in silence and heard someone stand up and speak out spontaneously—never once had she done so herself. Never once had she risen from her bench before the rest did so. But none of the words within her were God's words. They could not be. They were all about a kiss, a man's smile, and infinity as he leaned over her and touched his mouth to hers and she didn't turn away. The sound of her shoes on the floorboards filled the room. It was only five steps from the last bench to the wooden door. She pushed it open, letting light pour into the dimness, squinting at the sun. The still, waxen scent of the Meeting room vanished in cold open air, in the smell of sun-warmed, white-washed boards and woodsmoke. A single cow, black-and-tan, looked up at her with solemn, pretty eyes and went back to grazing the common. Maddy dropped down onto the last step, holding her arms tight around herself, bending over her lap. She hid her face beneath her bonnet brim, though there was no one outside to see her—no one who couldn't see past a bonnet and into her heart anyway. Christian waited for her. She didn't come in the morning. Only the Ape, not in a pleasant mood. He brought a Bible marked in three places. While Christian stood manacled by one hand, the keeper read verses out like toneless announcements. Christian didn't bother to listen to it, thud babble, watching instead the door and out the window for Maddy. She didn't come all day. Brutal humiliation, that she could avoid him and he could not seek her out, his intention to humble her turned back against himself. Worse, he'd awoken a hunger. He'd brought it with him into this cell: an embrace, her body between his and the closed door. He'd brought something that he wanted and could not have, not at his own will. And there was nothing else to think about, no easy distraction as he'd always had before—stupid to crave a woman he couldn't touch... he'd always moved on to one available. But there was no obliging substitute now. There was only a new desire, sharp as the throbbing pang in his back. Only the sweet way she'd let him do it, and answered him. He was afraid that she would not come back. He watched, chained to the bed. The Ape went away. Darkness fell. Still he watched, and still she didn't come. She was so ashamed, the first time she had to go back she did not look at him even once. She went into the cell and stripped the bed and left. That was morning. In the afternoon, the schedule said that she was to take him outside in the grounds. She prayed that it would rain, miserly cowardice and self-will that God did not see fit to satisfy. The day was still and unseasonable, almost warm, the sky a misty blend of cloud and blue coalescing into one another without definition. She walked from the bright yellow of the dining parlor to the upstairs corridor, hesitating before she came in view of his door. Her heart was pounding. She could still go back, the Reasoner whispered; she'd come so quietly that Jervaulx could not have heard her. She could leave him here and finish up with her secretarial duties. All the other patients were silent—outside for air or simply mute. Moving softly, she peeked around the doorframe. He stood at the window, looking out, one hand resting against the bar, his fingers curled lightly around it. And suddenly she saw how contemptible it was to keep him there in the dim cell, when it was her duty to God and to Cousin Edward—to Jervaulx—to take him abroad in the sunlight. She put her key in the lock. He turned. For an instant he looked at her, an immeasurable look—infinity between them. Duty had no place in it. Hot blue, his eyes; sable-lashed; the line of his cheek and his mouth so severe and finely fashioned. A mystery. Infinity and falling, down and down and down, the way it was in dreams. He broke it, drowned it in those black eyelashes and a moody glance away. When she entered the cell, he moved back from her, as if there should be some certain distance between them. "I've come to take thee for a walk in the garden," she said, with a little gesture toward the door. A faint smile curved his lips. He said nothing. "Walk. Garden." She held the door open. "Wouldst thou come?" He extended his hand in a courtly motion, as if to give way to her before him. Christian respected her reticence, not insisting that she stay too close to him. He allowed her the lead, walking behind her on the gravel paths among the roses. She moved restively, touching a flower, pushing back her black skirt, bending to collect fallen leaves and pull a tiny weed. The flowers were opulent, full-blown, topple shower petals at a touch. He thought that she might topple that way, falling all at once into his hand, a soft drift of blossom between his fingers. The roses bowed their extravagant heads, nodding, but she was all stiff prim and black, back in her bonnet, so that he could not see her face unless she looked directly at him. Still, she made it simple. She walked down along the path to a corner arbor, the bench beneath it dusted with withering petals from the red climber arched overhead. She didn't sit; she inspected the flowers as if it were an important office that she needed to perform. Christian didn't have to do anything; he merely moved into the path of escape, flanked on either side by thorns. She turned around. He saw her realize it. She looked scared and breathless. A scarlet petal floated downward, avoided the brim of her bonnet and caught on her shoulder. The scrap of crimson lay there, close to the pale curve of her throat, between the stark collar and the tight upward sweep of her hair. Christian reached out and caught the petal between his fingers. She held stiff, breathing like a frightened doe. He let the moment spin out, his hand suspended near her cheek, not quite touching—not quite, not quite—a whisper away, a restraint as intimate as a kiss. Color flooded her cheeks. Expectation. Her eyes, those eyes that turned hazel to gold under wanton lashes; her eyes held terror and wonder. He stepped back and set her free. With a duck of her head, hiding beneath the defense of her hat, she hurried past him. Christian turned after her, smiling to himself. Free... at his consent. He still had that much power—that he could have kept her there and kissed her, shedding rose petals at a touch. After that, she didn't linger in the walled rose garden but went quickly to the gate. Christian followed, lazy hunting now, allowing a little distance to open between them. Beyond the garden door was a large courtyard dotted with lunatics and keepers. Nearest was the madman who muttered across the hall from Christian's cell, the Ape behind with his hand on the lunatic's taut shoulder leash. Christian disliked the open yard instantly. Not circus beast, animals drag round leash exercise. He stopped inside the gate, ready to object, but Maddy was gone. His nerve evaporated. He stood where he was, trying to find her. The Ape and his madman approached, trudging around the track. The lunatic was shaking his head, pulling at the leash, mouthing silent words. The Ape bent close to his ear and said something. The madman looked at Christian, half a foot away, full-empty eyes, stare void, chilling. "Timms!" the Ape said sharply as they passed him. "Takare charge!" Christian looked after the keeper, and for an instant he saw Maddy beyond. Then a howl—and an impact that hit him from nowhere, took him down, impaled him on pain, while hands ripped at his coat and collar, drawing the neckcloth in a red strangle against his throat. The madman was screaming above him, mouth pulled back, pounding his fists into Christian's head and face. Christian fought, his hand on the maniac's jaw, fingers forcing it up, rolling off his back with a shove that speared agony through him. He struck, a hard blow to the madman's face that didn't check him. The clutching hands tore at Christian's throat, scrabbling for purchase. The man shrieked, his fingers closing on Christian's neck, pulling him down, trying to sink his teeth into anything in reach. Christian hauled back on his knees and locked his fists, swinging at the lunatic's jaw. The impact slammed through his arms, made an instant's weakening in the grip on his throat. Christian swung again. The blow knocked the madman insensible. Christian stayed on his knees; he went on hitting, his side an agony, breathing hard and pounding at the still figure beneath him. He hated the lunatic, loathed him, wanted out of this nightmare if it took beating the man to bloody pulp. But the Ape came—a surprise, a grip from nowhere—hard hands pulling Christian to his feet, people running toward them. He'd completely lost Maddy. His body was aflame, hurting. He tasted blood. Left me! He had four keepers dragging him back from the lunatic. Maddy! When she finally appeared it was another shock—she wasn't there, and then she was, and he could only stare at her in accusation leave vanish desert me Maddy! Leave me this, leave animal defend animals fight teeth fist barbarian! Damn you damn you Maddygirl LEFT me! Maddy stood speechless. His glare at her was wild, his jaw bleeding from a long scratch, his shirt front torn into three strips and pulled free of his waistcoat. Larkin stood back and allowed the others to pull him toward the house. "You let him get too far away from you, Miss," the keeper said gruffly. "Oh God," she said. "He went after my patient like a bulldog. Unprovoked. Did you see him hit?" Maddy hadn't seen it start; she'd only turned from her determined stride around the courtyard track when the man's screech had risen, loud enough to curdle blood. They'd been rolling in the dirt, and yes—Jervaulx had hit him, beaten him, even after the poor man was insensible. "No need for the doctor to know about this, Miss." Maddy was still hardly able to speak. "We kinda keep these things to ourselves, the attendants. One of us to the other. Don't let him get so far away from you again." "No," she whispered, watching as they bundled Jervaulx through the door. Larkin put his hand on her shoulder. "You see why we don't put fine clothes on the violent patients, Miss." He smiled. "We know what we're doing here, Miss. Tell me if we don't." Master William, the man Jervaulx had beaten, was awake and tied in the infirmary, repeating, "Jesus is the Devil," over and over again with a muttered vehemence. Jervaulx was in his cell, manacled, sitting bare-chested on the bed with only breeches and the rib bandage for decency. Maddy shut the solid door behind her and stood near him. "Why?" she asked. He looked up at her, beautiful and savage, his hair with dust in it, his face still bloody. She moistened her lips. "Why didst thou hit him?" He made a groan, shook his head. "Kill!" "No. No—I don't believe that. Thou couldst not have wished to kill him. Why didst thou attack him?" He gazed at her as if she were some mysterious vision, then shook his head again, looking down. "Understand?" she asked. He shook his head, dropped it lower. Maddy knelt. "I want to understand," she said slowly. "Tell me why." His jaw worked. "Kill." He lifted his lashes, a brief look, an appeal. "Mnnh... Me." He made a fist and struck his chest as if he were driving a knife into it. His mouth drew back in a silent grimace. He turned his face away from her. She did not know if it was an answer or a plea. With an uncertain move, she reached out and touched his temple, smoothing his hair back from his lowered face. He flinched as if she surprised him; then after a moment he relaxed into it, leaning against her hand. "It will be all right," she whispered. He made a sound, a strange half-laugh, and shook his head again. Just perceptibly, his body rocked, like a strong tree in the wind—a silent sway, too deep for words. "Let me clean thy face." He made no response. Maddy rose and poured water from the tin pitcher into the basin. The towel was fresh—she'd brought it herself. She knelt again and began to sponge the blood from his face. He closed his eyes. When she finished, she took his hands and washed the dirt from the raw scrapes there. She rose. The manacles rattled as he put his arm round her hips and leaned his face against her. The chain pressed across the back of her leg; the wristband and his fingers pressed harder. She laid her hand on his shoulder. For a long time, they stayed that way. It might have been all night but for the loud knock on the solid wood door. Larkin stood outside the bars. "Doctor found out," he said briefly. "I'm to take him down to seclusion until morning." After breakfast Maddy was called in to Cousin Edward. He sat at his desk, with a large notebook open and a pen in his hand. "This will not do," he said. "I'm disappointed." "I'm sorry." She was miserably, utterly sincere. "I allowed myself to go too far away from him." "It's fortunate that Master William seems to have taken no serious hurt. His family is connected to the Huntingtons, of Whitehaven, you know. And the duke... well—he seems prone to injury lately. I wonder now if those ribs weren't somehow cracked in an altercation instead of an accident." He gave her a questioning look, as if she might be hiding something. "On, no. It was Jervaulx himself who showed me that a chair fell." "That may be, that may be. Still... Larkin was slow to report this—and you also, Cousin. I'm afraid that I must give you both a check." She kept her head down, receiving the reprimand humbly. He wrote in the book. After a pause, her cousin went on. "Your reports have been positive. The duke has not offered you any violence?" Maddy didn't lift her eyes. "No violence at all." "You aren't uneasy in him?" She raised her head. "He has not been violent toward me." "Still, I believe we must restrict his movements for a time. You will continue to serve him, but only with restraints or a male attendant present. We shall see if that suits. I had felt it was going so well. Really, I am surprised to have it reported to me that it was Master Christian who provoked the scuffle rather than Master William, who's been in the very midst of a bad paroxysm for the past fortnight." Once again, he gave Maddy a searching look. "I did not see who provoked it," she said. "Next time, you will be more careful." "I will. I will. I'm so sorry."
She'd tried to explain to Jervaulx where they were going. She had no idea if he understood. He had that look of tautness, of a man frozen but burning inside. With both his hands laced together to the elbows in leather gauntlets, he gripped the strap inside the carriage and stared out the window, as intense as he had been with the mathematics, fixing on ordinary things, a haystack, a millwheel, watching them pass as if they were enemies that might leap upon the vehicle without a moment's warning. He was a mobile explosive ready to set to spark; Maddy sat across from him and her father and prayed from moment to moment that it would not happen. Larkin rode on top of the carriage, much too distant to provide real security or aid. Having embarked on this course of supporting Jervaulx, Maddy found it beyond her control now, caught up in the doctor's tests and experimental trials. The duke had been so subdued for the past fortnight since his fight that Cousin Edward had decided to allow him more freedom with Maddy in the carriage. She was, by her mere presence, to elicit civilized behavior from him, nevermind that she was no genteel and noble lady, but only plain Maddy Timms. Nevermind that they tied him in gauntlets that anyone could see drove him to the edge of control. Nevermind that when they came to the first change, a busy posting-house with a yard full of travelers and horses and shouting ostlers, he pushed back in his seat and expelled harsh breath between his teeth, refusing to get out, and looked at her with terror and anger and a rigid-jawed shame, then turned his face away. Maddy pulled the curtains closed on the carriage. When Cousin Edward came to the door, she told him that the duke did not wish to take refreshment here. Cousin Edward, sometimes foolish and sometimes not, looked from her to the dim corner where Jervaulx sat, his gaze malevolent and silent, like cat's eyes that turned and caught lantern light in a cellar. "We'll stop a little farther on," her cousin said. Maddy let go of her breath. "I'll stay here then, if thou wouldst take Papa in to tea." When they stopped again, it was in a small and ancient village snugged down in a wooded hollow. The midday street was empty, the public house quiet and dark inside its open door. Maddy helped her father from the carriage and turned back, surprised to find Jervaulx rising, awkward in the gauntlets but apparently ready to follow. He disdained aid in descending. When he stood in the street, he looked up the curve of the road. Half-timbered brick cottages with skewed slate roofs and garden walls seemed to warp themselves to the contour of the hill, a treacle flow of buildings instead of a neat, straight modern line. Jervaulx looked back at Maddy. His jaw tightened with effort. "Pah... " he managed, and then, "Lost." "Not at all, not at all, Master Christian," Cousin Edward walked up to them. "You mustn't be concerned about that. We've come a little off the main road, but we know precisely where we are, I assure you. Chalfont St. Giles." Jervaulx made an exasperated snort. "Lost." "Indeed, we're not lost. Not a bit." "St. Giles... " Her papa mused, as if he couldn't quite recall something. "Lost," the duke said emphatically. Cousin Edward was soothing. "No, no. We are not lost. Larkin, you'll see to the duke. Have a care about handling him—I'm a bit concerned about his mood." Jervaulx stood behind Cousin Edward, looking down on him with a caustic scowl. "Damned blockhead," he said clearly. "Lost!" "We shall find our way," Cousin Edward responded in a level tone. He scanned Jervaulx critically. "We may have a manic episode developing, I fear. Disrespect and invective are frequent early signs. We'll leave the restraints in place." "Will you follow me, Master Christian?" Larkin took the duke's arm. Jervaulx stepped back, twitching free of the touch. He glanced once at Maddy, a dark look, as if she'd betrayed him, then walked away toward the public house with Larkin trailing like a bulldog behind a thoroughbred. She moistened her lips. "Dost thou wish to take tea, Papa?" Her father turned his head, drawn from a thoughtful silence. "Tea? No, not at all. Shall we walk a little way for fresh air, Maddy girl?" It seemed startling to hear her father's pet name for her spoken so clearly and easily. Somehow, Jervaulx's tortured intonation had become more familiar—or more significant: an effort of will merely to utter the syllables, and therefore each one momentous. She took her father's arm, still feeling agitated. They walked a little way in silence until Maddy finally exclaimed, "I hope that he isn't about to become disorderly." "Disorderly? The duke?" She had never told him about the fight in the courtyard. She smoothed the cuff of her sleeve down, rolling the edge in her fingers. "He did seem... rather turbulent. Perhaps—instead of thee and me—Cousin Edward would consent to have Larkin ride with him." "Thou art frightened?" Her father's surprise made Maddy feel a little ashamed. "Thou dost not know him, Papa. He's forbidding in a passion. He isn't rational. And he's very strong." "He sounded to me quite rational," Papa said. "He called Cousin Edward a blockhead." "Papa!" He stopped, holding her back with a strange little smile. "Where are we? We've walked up a hill, have we not? Is there a cottage to the left—red brick, with a chimney facing on the street, and a multitude of vines on the garden side?" "Oh. Yes—one more house up the way. Hast thou been here before?" "Upon the chimney... is there a sign?" Maddy looked. "Milton's Cottage." Her father said nothing. She hesitated, gazing at the modest village home. Understanding dawned. She burst into a laugh. "Oh no—he is a blockhead! And so am I! We aren't lost at all, are we?" She made an imitation of Cousin Edward's soothing reassurance to the duke. "'Why, you mustn't worry, Master Christian. We know precisely where we are, Master Christian. Chalfont St. Giles.' Paradise Lost." "The very house where Milton wrote it. Thy mother and I stopped to visit among the Friends here when thou wast only a babe in arms." "What simpletons the duke must think us! His face when Cousin Edward kept saying we weren't lost! Oh, Papa... " She bit her lip as the laughter died and her voice broke. "Oh, Papa—how he hates it, what's happened to him." "He needs thee, Maddy girl." Her father laid his hand over hers. "He needs thy faith. Even when thou art frightened." "I didn't think—I haven't been sure—I've been praying. I was so certain before, but now... " She shut her mouth tightly. Her father stood silent, his hand still. He kissed me, Papa. How she wanted to say it, but could not. She would repulse him beyond forgiving. The duke was his friend—and Maddy... she hadn't even tried to prevent it. She thought she must have lured Jervaulx, that the Devil had gotten into her, too, and made her look at the duke and see comeliness in his earthy shape. A woman minister had spoken out in Meeting just weeks ago, when it had meant nothing to Maddy, when she had hardly been listening, words that came back now with vivid precision, as if God wished her to recall them in perfect detail: "All our joys, pleasures, profits—all things delightful to the flesh—they be but vanity and vexation. We become silent, not answering to obey the lusts of the carnal mind." Maddy didn't feel silent. Inside her a clamor of vanity and delight and joy and vexation tumbled; she felt wicked and weak, a foreigner to herself. She felt afraid. "I don't... know what to do," she said painfully. "I don't know!" Her father lifted his head. After a long moment, he said slowly, "Is it so difficult, Maddy girl?" She couldn't tell him. She could not. "It seems to be," she said, looking down at his hand on her arm. "Thou wouldst rather go home, then?" She thought of doing that. Returning to Cheyne Row and the safe and quiet life there, where the only temptations were small ones: a disposition to scold the maid and a frivolous envy of girls who owned pretty clothes. Going home—leaving him to Larkin and Cousin Edward and Master William, to silence and chains and a prison cell. "I'm sure that I would rather go," she said. "But I—" She made a sound of despair. "I could not." He patted her hand. "Thou art a good girl, Maddy." "Oh, Papa," she cried. "I'm not." He only smiled, as if she were still an impulsive child. But Maddy knew. She wasn't good. She was tied to the earth and the Devil and a man, and she was not good at all. They arrived in London at dusk, the city smells and population a jar to Maddy after only a month in the country. The chaise never slowed, but rolled past Hyde Park into Oxford Street, where bright gay lights already gleamed on the row of lacquered carriages standing in wait down the middle while ladies and gentlemen passed in and out of the shops. A silversmith, a spirit booth, jewelers and linen stores and confectioners: a mile of goods and spectacles, everything lit and polished for display. The duke watched it pass, glancing keenly sometimes at Maddy, suspiciously, as if she had somehow conjured the illusion of it all. She'd tried to explain, to prepare him for the hearing, but she knew he had no notion of what she meant. She could tell by the suppressed elation in him—he thought he was coming home to stay. When the coach turned out of Oxford Street and began to wind its way through stylish side streets, he held out his bound arms toward her. "Off," he said. The carriage came into an aristocratic square. She could hear the calls of footmen and the bustle to clear pedestrians from the passage. "Please." The word came harshly, the sharp explosion of it in stark contrast to the appeal. Outside, liveried servants milled about as the vehicles creaked to a halt before the house at the head of the square. The free-standing building dominated its neighbors, white and symmetrical, pristine in its Corinthian pilasters and balanced windows, not so different from the duke's home in Belgrave Square but larger and colder in its isolated perfection, with a small and unwelcoming door just one step up from the street. That door stood open, showing lights inside. Maddy saw Calvin the butler come down the single step and stand aside. Then came the dowager duchess in a black dress. She took Calvin's help to the sidewalk and hurried toward Cousin Edward's carriage. Maddy leaned over, pulling Jervaulx's hands into her lap. In the dimness, she struggled with the leather laces and just managed to pull them free as her cousin and the duchess came to the carriage door. The gauntlets fell into obscurity on the floor. Maddy kicked them back into a corner. Jervaulx made a sound of gratitude, not quite accomplishing a real word. Lantern light poured into the interior as the door opened and the duchess' voice rose above the others. "Christian!" She paused, as if she didn't know how to go on, staring up at him from the curb. She took a step backward, her black skirts shifting around her. A footman moved close to her side as she closed her eyes and put her hand to her throat. "No—go away. I shan't let myself be overcome." She opened her eyes. "Go away, all of you! People will stare at this bustle; someone might recognize him." She turned to Cousin Edward and gestured toward an alley beside the house. "Drive around to the rear. We shall take him inside there." "No," the duke said. His mother looked back, as startled as if one of the horses had spoken. She and Jervaulx were hardly alike at all, different in everything: the dowager's hair graying from blonde instead of black, her skin fair to paleness, her figure slender and far more delicate, in her eyes but a hint of the midnight blue of her son's. But when her face lit with hope, Maddy saw the same intensity that kindled the duke in his mathematical passions, a stubborn, focused ardor as the duchess swept forward and caught the edge of the carriage door. "Christian? Are you—" She stopped herself again and glanced at Cousin Edward. "He's made some progress lately," the doctor said. "I think Your Grace will be pleased." Jervaulx picked up his hat where Maddy had laid it on the seat, and beckoned her and her father to get down. She obeyed, helping Papa to come behind her, while the dowager duchess watched them speechlessly. "This is Miss Archimedea Timms—and her father Mr. John Timms, Your Grace. Miss Timms in particular has been of assistance with the duke. We've instituted a novel treatment in his case; I shall apprise you of the details at the first opportunity, but as you see, our success speaks for itself." The dowager was paying no attention to Maddy or her father; instead she was watching her son descend from the carriage. Jervaulx gave his mother a dry smile and a bow. He said nothing, only stood by the coach as if he were courteously waiting for someone to suggest a direction. The duchess kept staring at him. Her whole body seemed to shudder. Suddenly a sob burst from her and she walked into his arms, pulling herself close to him. For an instant, he was very still. Above his mother's trembling embrace, Maddy could see the near-explosion, the way his expression went to emotional tempest, all the words that battled for freedom. His left hand closed into a hard fist. His eyes met Maddy's. Fury came so close to detonation; she could not imagine that his mother didn't recognize it. He had no way to speak, only violence—and violence hovered, vibrating in the genteel square. Maddy stood in terror, pleading with him silently. He closed his eyes. With a long, indrawn breath, he lifted his right hand and laid it, tentative, against the dowager's head. She began to weep in earnest, pressing closer. The moment of hazard seemed to pass. He stood, awkwardly touching his mother's coiffured hair, like a man put upon by an overeager child and uncertain how to deal with it. But his left hand never relaxed the fist, still locked in mute hostility. The duchess pushed back a little, turning her face up, smoothing his collar with restless fingers. "Christian." She caught his hand as it fell away and held it against her breast. "Praise God. I've prayed for this. It is a miracle." "Progress, Your Grace," Cousin Edward said. "Progress based on scientific treatment. We are not wholly recovered yet." "It's a miracle. We should go down on our knees and lift our thanks to Heaven." She gripped her son's hand hard. "You most of all, Christian—in consequence of your sins. Give thanks for forgiveness and for your deliverance." She bowed her head. "Almighty God, who dost bequeath us life and taketh it away, on whose sufferance we—" Jervaulx freed himself. He turned and walked away from her, as Calvin sprang forward to hold open the door. His mother finished her prayer quickly, moving her lips in silence, and went after him. She disappeared into the lighted hall with Cousin Edward on her heels. Calvin held the door open and looked back. "Miss Timms? Mr. Timms?" There was a moment, when he came into the hall, that he found himself alone. He turned at the sound of footsteps, expecting Maddygirl, but it was his mother behind him with her pious gibberish. He'd forgot it, half-forgot her, until she'd wept on his chest in the street, and he'd realized that she must be the one who had abandoned him to the cell and the Ape. In the hall, he disengaged himself from her again, working for command of himself, waiting for Maddygirl, feeling the world go out of balance until her gray thee-thou figure appeared in the doorway. Once he knew she was there, he could go on: he mounted the mahogany staircase, his hand on the curved banister. He owned this house. It seemed strange and disturbing and right. How long it had been since he'd walked this stair, this hall, he had no idea, but he owned it. Everyone here would do his bidding; even his mother lived in it at his pleasure. It occurred to him that he himself didn't live here. Not now. What he remembered best were times far in the past, seasons in the City, balls for his sisters, going home to Jervaulx—that was where he lived—and he felt a surge of sharp longing for its dark medieval silhouette, its convoluted towers and chimneys and endless rooms. That was where he would go, now that he was free. Home to Jervaulx Castle. Two of his sisters waited in the drawing room. He stood at the door, watching them before they knew he was there. They talked to one another in low tones, and looked nervous. At the sound of other footsteps on the stair behind him, they turned. They looked at him as if he were not alive. Transparent. Walking dead. In the shock on their faces, another revelation came to him. He knew what they'd expected. A madman, carried upstairs to be exhibited in chains. No wonder they were nervous. His mother passed him, taking him by the arm with her into the drawing room. She talked, kept talking so quickly that he felt overwhelmed. Clementia. He caught the name and remembered Clem. With that came Charlotte's. Both of them reached out and kissed his cheek in turn, puffed sleeves and lace, plump hands that caught at his and brushed gently before they were gone. He felt bewildered, uncertain of them and their sudden smiles. Their dresses seemed too bright and elaborate, their hair too much of rolls and ringlets. He looked back again for Maddy, found only the blood-doctor, and strode to the head of the staircase. She was standing in the hall below with her father, still in her bonnet and cloak. He went halfway down the stairs and stopped. When she looked up, he made a sound. He watched her face change, felt a vast and forceful relief when she put her hand to the tie on her cloak, murmuring to Calvin as he took it from her. She guided her father to the foot of the stairs. Christian stood waiting for their slow progress until they reached him. He would not attempt to speak in front of his family and servants who knew him. He walked silently around the edges of the white and gold drawing room while the others talked. The house pleased him. Everything familiar and in its proper place, the marble tables with their gilded legs, the matching chairs, rich green fabric, all older than he was, standing in the places they had stood for his whole life. He had to turn sometimes to be certain Maddy was there, because the others didn't talk to her or even offer her or her father a seat. That provoked him. He fixed a look on Charlotte, willing her to show a little courtesy, but she only glanced at him and grew pale and discomfited. "Shud—shudbe lowed loose?" she asked the bloodman anxiously. Loose! As if he were some zoo animal, to be locked up. My house! Own it, own you... dress, lace, fancy, trust, all of it. He knew these two. They were the ones who needed Christian's write-name pen to get into their equity, who most liked a generous supplement to their husbands' means—a thing which galled those gentlemen to the edge of civility. Christian noticed that they didn't seem inclined to make an appearance on his first night home. He suspected Clem and Charlotte were here for precisely that—allowance—and he didn't know what he would do when they finally asked. Everything before the cell and the Ape was hazy; he couldn't recall what quarter it was or if he'd made arrangements. He turned away from them, facing the mantel, where a good fire burned in the well-swept grate. He would ask Maddygirl to help him, after they were gone. "Archu angry thus?" Clementia spoke into a small silence. "Chris?" He realized that she was talking to him. He locked his hands behind his back and slanted a look toward her. "Chu angry?" she repeated. He looked at Maddygirl, still standing a little distance from the others. He walked to the edge of the room, retrieved two chairs, and placed them for the Timmses. He set the gilt pair with thuds that could hardly be misinterpreted, then guided Mr. Timms to one himself. When Maddy hesitated, he took up a position behind the empty chair and bumped it, frowning at her. She cast down her eyes and sat. His family looked at him as if he were an astonishing puzzle. Clem started to speak, then closed her mouth abruptly, distracted by the familiar snap and thump of a walking stick. That sound Christian knew to the bottom of his brain—since before the day he'd even learned to talk—the adamant herald of his Aunt Vesta. With a sardonic smile, he placed a chair for her, too: her favorite, the heavy French-small-birds-flowers with massive gold arms and dragon-claw feet, fit throne for a she-dragon. He looked up from setting it close to the fire, sketched a bow as she stood in the doorway, imposing pale against sable black, in the mourning for father, husband, brother—perhaps even for Christian, who could tell?—that she had never put off. It was a battle of jet and ebony in this house, between his mother and his aunt. He remembered why he didn't live here. "You look well, Jervaulx," Lady de Marly announced, moving toward him. Maddy had recognized her instantly, needing no introduction to know that here was the author of those rigorous and pointed letters in the duke's file at Blythedale Hall, the lady who sent fastidiously tailored clothes instead of devout sentiments, who had marched so fixedly into the house in Belgrave Square on that morning when Maddy had stood watching. With a rush of help from one of the fashionable young women, Lady de Marly seated herself in the chair Jervaulx offered. Her brows were painted onto skin the color of shriveling white petals, her lips and cheeks delicately but visibly rouged. She lifted one thin finger. "I shall have a glass of claret." The duke tilted his head. After an instant of hesitation, he reached out and used the bell-pull beside the fireplace. "You will upset your digestion, Aunt Vesta," the young woman said. Lady de Marly ignored her. She looked to the side, speaking to Jervaulx where he stood behind her. "Come here where I can see you, young man." She gestured with her walking stick, tapping the floor beyond her feet. He moved into her view. She looked him up and down. Maddy didn't think a more handsome and elegant gentleman could be imagined. "You look as if you were going to a French musicale in a hunting cravat. Where is the signet?" Lady de Marly demanded. "Ah!" Cousin Edward fumbled in his pocket. "I've brought that, my lady. I deemed it best to keep it under my own protection until we arrived." "You need keep it no longer." He went to her, bowing in a most servile and un-Quakerish way, and handed her a small box. She merely took it and held it out to Jervaulx. Maddy didn't know if the others could see the duke's subtle wariness. He accepted the box, looked down at it in his hand. As Lady de Marly gave orders for wine to the servant who'd just arrived in the doorway, Jervaulx slid a glance toward Maddy. She surreptitiously closed her hand, as if round an object, and slipped her fist down the side of her skirt. Jervaulx tightened his fingers on the box and felt for the side pocket in his coat, dropping the case inside. He gave her a covert, one-sided smile. "You look well, Jervaulx," Lady de Marly repeated. "I don't scruple to say that I'm surprised. How has this been accomplished, Dr. Timms? I understood from your last report that little progress had taken place." "We've instituted an innovative therapy, my lady," Cousin Edward said eagerly. "It's been successful beyond our expectations." "Innovative?" She regarded him suspiciously. "What therapy is this?" "The natural extension of our social and moral treatment. We find at Blythedale Hall that a regulated social commerce between the sexes can be notably effective in encouraging self-control. I described it to you, my lady, you may remember, when I came to escort the patient to Blythedale. But of course a minimum standard of behavior must be achieved before we can introduce a violent patient to the larger group. As I had communicated to you, His Grace had not approached this quality of conduct, but remained sullen, with unpredictable fits of mania, in his behavior toward all attendants and myself. However, we had a fortunate opportunity in the arrival of my cousin Miss Timms. Knowing her to be of mild and steady feminine character, unimpeachable in her moral fiber, I took care to assign her as the duke's primary daytime attendant. I did so in the expectation that under her influence any remaining vestige of self-control might best be encouraged. I think you will agree that this approach has been most beneficial." He was working hard to govern his triumph and keep to a professional tone, but could not quite conceal his satisfaction. Lady de Marly didn't even look at him as he spoke, but remained watching Jervaulx for a long moment after he finished. She turned her imperious gaze on Maddy. "You are Miss Timms?" Maddy stood up. "I am. This is my father, John Timms." "Be seated." Maddy felt those dark eyes fixed on her as she sat again. She kept her gaze just a point lower than Lady de Marly's, not bowing like a child of the world, but not taking a stand of open disrespect, either. "When last I saw my nephew," Lady de Marly said, "he was a bellowing beast. He was tied into a bed, his hand cut down to the bone from putting it through a window before he was stopped. He had broken the arm of the footman in charge of him, who was attempting to prevent him strangling his brother-in-law. He would not feed himself. His speech was that of an idiot. He roared. He howled. He was an animal, Miss Timms. The Duke of Jervaulx was a mindless brute." She stared at Maddy. "I would like an explanation of how you have realized this change." Maddy lifted her eyes and looked directly at Lady de Marly. "He is not mindless," she said steadily. "Nor a brute." For a long moment, the old lady did not respond. Then she said, with a little wry wrinkle of her lips, "I must say, Miss, that he had me fooled on the subject." "I believe—" Maddy glanced at Cousin Edward, who didn't look entirely happy with her, but he hadn't said that she should not speak her opinion. "I believe that he is in his right mind, and no more an... idiot... than thou or me." Lady de Marly lifted her eyebrows. "A lofty little Quaker." "I don't wish to be lofty. I only wish to explain to thee." "In my day, Miss, we called the way you talk uncivil. Your cousin here don't thee and thou his betters." Maddy merely kept her eyes up and level, declining to be drawn into a defense of her Plain Speech. She had known old ladies just like Lady de Marly before—there was nothing she would like better than a good rousing argument that might be turned into a scold. Maddy had a certain affection for the type: she sometimes thought that she might turn out to be one herself, held back now only by her Papa's gentle refusal to rise to any baiting. Cousin Edward pursed his cheeks in a vexed way at her, and she recalled her promise not to use Quaker language with outsiders. But it was too late now, and she had a feeling that if she gave in and apologized, Lady de Marly would only like her the less for it. "So," the elderly woman said to the duke. "Miss Timms declares that you are perfectly sane." Jervaulx simply stood looking at her. "Well, boy? What have you to say to that?" He turned his head a little, the way he did when he was intent on something, regarding it obliquely instead of straight on. "Do you understand me?" He glanced uneasily at Maddy. "Don't look to her. It's to you I speak. Can you hear what I say?" His mouth tightened. He nodded, once and briefly, then began an expressive contemplation of a side table. It certainly bore contemplation, as its black marble top was upheld, instead of by mere legs, by two huge golden birds with spreading wings that seemed to dash flames from their tips. It would have been the most rich and gaudy piece of furniture Maddy had ever seen if it hadn't been matched by one precisely like it on the opposite side of the mantelpiece. Lady de Marly tapped her stick rapidly against the floor. She scowled at her nephew. "This is no time for your willfulness, boy. You've had you a score of years to treat us to your caprice; wild and thoughtless as a red Indian you've been, and paying for it now. No one can tell me that a sensible man would have got himself tangled in that barbarous exchange of shots at all, far less wake up from it a Bedlamite." Only the duke's tense jaw gave any sign that he even realized that she spoke to him. Lady de Marly sat back in her chair with a sharp sigh. "Young fool." She fixed an accusing look on Maddy. "What sort of progress is this?" "If thou wilt perhaps speak slowly," Maddy ventured. "You said that he wasn't an idiot." Maddy stood up. "No more an idiot than thou wouldst be set down in China amongst Chinamen. He will understand, if thou hast patience with him." "Miss Timms, tomorrow at ten o'clock he comes before the Lord Chancellor. I have managed to see that it will be private. No jury has been called—not yet." She sent a withering look toward her two nieces. "The vultures are covetous, however. I suggest that if you don't wish to see your prize subject warranted an idiot under the law, then you'd best bend your moral fiber and steady character rather smartly to the task of making him understand his peril." Her words died away into a stunned and uncomfortable silence. The servant's door opened, and a footman padded in, carrying Lady de Marly's claret. She took it from the tray and drank a sip, never taking her eyes from Jervaulx. Then she set the glass on a side table and pushed herself out of the chair. "Miss Timms will stop here tonight. The rest of you—leave us." The dowager duchess looked shocked. "But Dr. Timms—" Lady de Marly cut her short. "I understood that he had accommodation? The Gloucester, I believe." "Yes, my lady." Cousin Edward bowed. Twice. "I wished to speak with the doctor," the duchess said, rather plaintively. "I wished to find out how Christian's been going on." "Hetty, dear," Lady de Marly said dryly, "if you have not already discovered in the last quarter hour how he's been going on, there is nothing the man can tell you that will not keep until tomorrow. Will you join us for breakfast, Doctor? Eight o'clock." "I would be honored, my lady. I'll just call our night attendant to settle the patient in his bed," Cousin Edward said. "Will that be necessary, Miss Timms?" Under Lady de Marly's dictatorial eye, Maddy groped for a proper answer. "I—think it would be wise." "That's as it may be. I find it highly inconvenient to have extra servants in the house this evening. I hope you feel yourself up to the task." She glanced at the footman. "Tell Pedoe to air the bedding for Miss Timms in the duke's dressing room." Maddy stood rooted to the floor as Lady de Marly began to thump her way toward the door. She stopped and turned back. "You're blushing girl. I thought you was a nurse?" "Yes," Maddy managed to say. "And he's an idiot, until you prove me different. See to it that we have no bizarre scenes out of him tonight."
As luxurious as Blythedale Hall had been, as comfortable and rich as the duke's house in Belgrave Square had appeared, Maddy had never even imagined that behind the pale facades of houses such as this were interiors beyond commonplace imagination: servants dressed like princes in snowy satin trimmed with blue and silver lace, walls of red velvet adorned by huge paintings, intricate plaster mouldings painted in white and gold, carpets that muffled the sound of her feet, candelabra glowing everywhere. When the liveried footman showed her into the duke's dressing room, she tried not to betray her astonishment, but as soon as the servant was gone, leaving Maddy alone with her small traveling case, she looked up at the ceiling and couldn't help herself; she choked back appalled laughter. It was absurd. A dressing room—and it was painted in royal blue, with huge pediments bordered in intricate bands of gold over the doors. Not only that: above the pediments were round portraits of solemn gentlemen surrounded by languishing gilded cherubs draped over frames of flowers, crossed banners, all gold—then blue velvet up to the arched ceiling where a riot of design glittered, stately rows of knobs and leaves, more gold, highlighting every patterned detail. The narrow room blazed with it. Maddy hardly saw how one was expected to sleep amid such splendor. On the far wall, the connecting door to the bedroom stood open. Maddy heard the duchess' voice from beyond and peeked around the tall and glossy door panel. "You'll be all right, Christian?" His mother stood hesitantly near the door from the hall, while a maid worked quickly at turning down the bedclothes and drawing the curtains. Jervaulx paid neither any mind, but looked about the bedroom with his painstaking intensity, as if he were memorizing it. This room was blue also, but not so garish as the dressing room, a powder color that Maddy thought quite pretty even if the bed was an outrageous extravagance, with a headboard that rose all the way to the ceiling and then curved over like a huge sea wave. Damask silk drapings matched the walls; the only diversity of color was in the full-length portraits and a dark blue and green Oriental carpet that covered the floor from wall to wall. Jervaulx caught sight of himself in a mirrored bureau-cabinet. He gazed at the glass, then turned, looking for something behind him. With a little surprise, Maddy realized that it was her. He smiled when he saw her, and some of the tension left him. She stepped out into the bedroom. The dowager duchess glanced toward her. "Ah. Miss Timms. You don't think you will need—" She stopped, looking embarrassed. "I don't suppose—there's no chance that he might—wander, in the night?" Maddy realized that the duchess was afraid of him and wished him restrained. Though Maddy was hardly so certain of him herself, she found it somehow terrible that his own mother would offer the suggestion. "Thou canst lock the doors, if thou wishest," she said. "Perhaps that would be best. The windows... " She let the thought trail off. "Well, you will ring if you have trouble. I'll have a footman in the hall all night. But he seems... so much better. I don't imagine... you don't think he might try the windows?" Maddy looked at Jervaulx. Even having seen him chained at Blythedale Hall, she could not envision what he must have been like to have inspired this alarm in his own family. "The windows, Jervaulx?" she asked slowly. "Thou wouldst not break them?" He shook his head. She wasn't certain he understood her, for he didn't hesitate or attend to the words, but seemed merely to assent to the tone of her voice. "I'll leave you, then," the duchess said. "Cook is to send up a tea tray." She gave her son a long look. "Good night, Christian. Good night." He gave a slight bow, an acerbic smile. The maid passed Maddy and went into the dressing room. "I shall pray," the dowager announced, and pulled the hall door closed behind her. The key turned in the lock. Christian sat on the bed. He leaned his head back, clasping his hands behind his neck, and let himself fall backwards into the soft down. He sighed in satisfaction. Home. No Ape, no chains, no nightmare. He didn't mind a dressing down from the she-dragon; he was accustomed to it—Hell's bells, he almost enjoyed it. And Maddygirl was here, the only thing he would have taken with him from that place if he'd had his own choosing. Amazing upside down world, in which his family locked him in with a young and pretty female. Nurse, Aunt Vesta had said, and Christian grinned at the blue arch of fabric above him. He drew up his leg and rested his heel on the edge of the bed, indulging in an enjoyable contemplation of the wilder sort of possibilities to which such a convenient designation of one's mistress might lend themselves. He sighed. While it made a pleasant fantasy, things were different now. The reputation of a thee-thou girl might not have occurred to his family—they wouldn't care about it if it had—but while she was entirely within his dominion she was also his responsibility. Seduction was no longer the neat lesson that he'd anticipated. From this perspective, it looked too much like the sort of offensive attentions a man might force on his housemaid. It was hard to recall, really, why he'd even got the notion in his head to punish her in that way. He was frowning, contemplating that, when she said his name. He turned his head and lifted his eyebrows. "Weema stalk," she said. He made a questioning sound. "Talk," she said. Christian sat up. He pushed himself up on the bed, lounging on pillows, and swept a space on the bedclothes to invite her. "Talk." He was pleased with how easily the word came. Instead of the bed, she chose a straight-backed chair facing him. "Thou unstan hap tomorrow?" "To... morrow?" "Hear," she said. "I... hear," he said, annoyed that she would question it. "Hear-ing," she repeated. "Lord Chansore." He didn't remember a Lord Chansore. Christian knew there was much he didn't remember, but to think of it made him uneasy. "Chan... dos?" he demanded. She couldn't mean Buckingham's son. The Marquess of Chandos hadn't any trouble with his hearing that Christian knew, and he knew Chandos well; they'd gambled and raked together from London to Paris and back. Trouble with his ruinous extravagance, oh yes, but not his ears. Not since Christian could remember. "Hear," she insisted. "Hear-ing." He had to work for another word. "Young," he said. Chandos couldn't be deaf; he and Christian were of an age. She shook her head and clasped her hands with a sigh. He knew that he was failing what she wanted. He had an urge to pound something, to smash his fists into stone. With an angry mutter he rolled off the bed away from her. At a scratch and the sound of the doorlock, she rose. A footman entered, pushing the tea cart. He gave Christian a wary glance, then wordlessly began to remove the covers and pour. The mince tarts and thin-sliced bread and butter appeared civilized fare. Christian walked toward the tray. The cups rattled as the footman dropped one back into its saucer and turned to face him. Christian stopped. Never in his life had a servant looked at him with such a suspicious vigilance, as if he were some footpad shadowing the fellow in a back street. He felt as if he'd been slapped across the face. He just stood there, accused and condemned in silence and a look. "Shube tie up, miss?" the man said to Maddy. Christian felt hot amazement rise in his face. Who was this impudent rogue? He looked toward Maddygirl in powerless shock. He didn't even have a recourse, couldn't order the fellow out of the room and out of his employment. "No," she answered—at least that. Christian thought she should have cast him out on his ear. "Not fraydim?" the footman asked her. Afraid of him? Maddy shook her head, and Christian felt a wave of passionate appreciation for her. The servant picked up the teapot once again, still glancing at Christian. "Broke arm, did." Christian couldn't prevent it: at this monstrous assertion, a twisted utterance of protest escaped him. "Out!" He took a step forward. "Son of a bitch buggering whoreson bastard—out!" He realized at the same moment as the footman what he'd said, and just how well and loudly. The two of them looked at one another; they both looked at Maddy. She sat in her scoop-sugar bonnet, her fingers locked, her brows drawn together dubiously. She didn't have the vaguest notion of the full insult to her feminine sensibility, that was obvious, but he gave her a short nod of apology anyway, and then glared at the footman, unable to express anything but obscenities. "Haps bes go," Maddy said, standing up. The footman replaced the teapot, made a stiff bow, and obeyed her. She came to the cart and finished pouring tea. With quiet and methodical moves, she prepared a plate and then set it out on the bedside table. "Not... arm," Christian said, determined to correct the record. "Not... see... never." "Thowst eat," she said. Christian scowled. He crossed his arms and leaned on the wall. "Believe!" "Eat." He shoved away. "Believe! Maddygirl!" A little Puritan pinch appeared around her lips. "Thou dustint member." She didn't believe him. She believed that puling peasant over him. Christian hit his fist against the wall. The pinch of her lips tightened. "Thou... wast... ill," she said, very slowly and clearly. "Thou... dost... not... remember." He swung away from her, pacing the width of the room. "No. No, no, no!" "Jervaulx!" She said his name so sharply, with such decisive emphasis, that he stopped and stared at her. "Morrow. Lord Chansor hear. Thamus show cam sense. Reasonable." "Who?" he shouted. "Not... deaf!" "Nor I," she said, lifting her chin. He exhaled, stiff-jawed, nodding once to acknowledge that. "Who... lord?" he asked, in a quieter tone. "Chansore. Lord Chansore. Comesee hear-ing." He felt the importance of it in the intense way she looked at him. He needed to understand; she wanted him to. "Come... see... hear?" he asked helplessly. "Hear-ing." He shook his head, gave it up. He was to go and see some deaf old lord trying to hear, and it was important. She must have slept, because she had the sensation of coming awake; she felt a long and dreadful moment of fright at the monstrous design of bright eyes that seemed to hover too close before she remembered, and recognized the gilt pattern on the ceiling above. She sat up quickly in bed. "Jervaulx?" She saw a movement in the dark corner. A black silhouette detached itself from the mass of the door. Real terror rose up to envelop her in the sound of her own heart pounding. "Maddy," he said, in the silence and the inner thunder of her heart—but in such an uncertain tone that she let go of a breath, relief following on dread, leaving her muscles weak. "What is it?" she asked, her voice unsteady. He was barely illuminated by the shielded lamp she'd left lit. "Hearing." He had the emerald green dressing gown around him, loose and open, with nothing on beneath it but his trousers. "Maddygirl. Tell... hear-ing. Lord Chance. Lu... legal. Legal?" She bit her lip. "Yes. A legal hearing. Competency hearing." In the faint light, his eyes were black, his aspect satanic—and yet dazed. "Comp... me?" "Yes," she said. He looked down at her, and then at the lamp and the dusky gleam of polished wood that was the dressing table. He shook his head a little. She drew her knees up under her skirt and held them to her breast, watching him. He focused a look on her suddenly, a demon-look in that strange light. The cot creaked as he grabbed her arm, sat by her, fixing her with a vehement gaze. "Back?" he demanded. "Send—back?" His grip hurt. She endured it, giving him that, for she had no other comfort. "I don't know." He closed his eyes. "Not... back... mad place." He opened them, glared at her. "No." She wanted to lie, to say that what was true was false. The best that she could offer him was saying that she didn't know, and even that was half a lie, told outside the light of Truth, against everything she'd been taught all her life. "Thou must show sense tomorrow," she said. "Speak calmly, and show sense." He held her arm, sending pain to the bone. "Thou canst do it." He looked toward the hallway door. Maddy saw his thought instantly. For an arrested moment they were both still, caught on the edge of his intention. "Lock?" His fingers grew tighter yet. She would not lie. Instead, she gave no answer at all. He let go of her, walked to the door. The knob turned easily under his hand; the hinges moved half an inch without sound. He held it there and looked back at her. "Go," he said, between his teeth. She sat helpless, waiting for him to do it. He stood with the handle beneath his hand. "Two... go." With a motion of his head, he beckoned. "Both." "No," she whispered. "I can't. Thou must not." He frowned at her, as if she'd put an obstacle in his way. With a careful motion, he cracked the door wider, leaned against the frame and looked through. A ray of light from the hall fell on his face, crossing it in a slice of diabolic contours. His mouth curved upward in a contemptuous smile. The crack closed silently. "Bone break," he said in the darkness. "Arm." Her eyes readjusted to the gloom. He'd turned his back to the door and stood looking at her. "Maddygirl," he said. "Back—" He broke off, and then from deep in his throat said: "Die." She had no answer. He came to her, sat again beside her on the bed, grasped her by both arms. "Not... back. No!" "It is not my decision. It is not mine to say." "Go!" There was pleading in his voice. "Now." She pushed at him, not knowing what to do. "Go, then! I will not stop thee." He held onto her, shook her. "Two. Two go." "No," she said miserably. "That's impossible." Christian bent his head, made a sound of agony. "Not... one go. Maddy!" His fingers drove into her shoulders. "Can't." He pulled her toward him, leaned his face into the curve of her neck. "Maddy. Maddygirl. Not one. Can't." He pressed his forehead hard against her, his jaw taut with silent entreaty. He was disintegrating. It came to this, after the locks and the keepers and the chains. If she had handed him a key, he could not have walked out free. He didn't have the courage. Not himself, one, without two. But to go back that place... the cell, the Ape. He held to her, his body paralyzed, frozen, shattering in panic. "Jervaulx." She touched his hair, her voice anguished. "Morrow, thamus calm. Sense. Showst sense, ashowstme." "Maddy," he said, muffled into her skin, all he could say. He shook his head, all he could do. He had no sense or sanity. He had to go, to escape, but he was frozen. He was shaking all over. She bent her head, pressed her cheek to his, her hand moving lightly over his hair. He turned his face into her throat. She seemed the only thing important in the universe, his one hold on reality. He made an impassioned sound, to tell her what words could never have said anyway: the magnitude of his need to have her with him. He felt her draw a little shuddering breath, and then a wet tumble of water on her cheek. She whispered, "God forgive, Jervaulx—that I sh'dovethee." That I should love thee. It broke the spell that held him. Had she said that? He pushed back, gazing at her. Faint lamplight caught the glistening curve of her cheek, but he couldn't see her eyes. She smoothed her hand over his arm, a touch, and then gone. He felt confounded, too stupid to compass it. He wasn't certain that he had heard it right. She turned her face down, drawing away from him. He let her go. He stood up. She was lost in darkness, unmoving. His brain seemed befuddled; he wanted to go somewhere and lean his face against a cool wall and find his way through the disorder. The worst was that she wept; he felt angry at it—no pity thee-thou church charity. Was that what she meant? Why she cried? Because he was an animal afraid to leave its cage, no words to say what he thought, no thoughts but muddled mad stupid thoughts? He left her there and walked into the deeper darkness of the room where his father and grandfather and great-grandfather had slept in state. He lay facedown on the bed, his arms spread, his cheek against the silken sheets. His ribs ached. If he'd known a prayer, he would have prayed it—coward that he was, to ask for favors now, when he'd never deigned to ask before. He didn't reckon that God owed him anything. He reckoned that he'd had it all, and wasted it. Burning lakes and howling fiends had just never seemed that convincing, perils hardly fit to frighten naughty children. He turned over, staring up at the darkess. Damned... having found out now what hell was really like.
From out the window of the chamber, one could imagine Lincoln's Inn a country town, with the leaves slipping down from venerable trees, green lawns, a meetinghouse stillness broken by the passage of one or two men fluttering in black robes through the late afternoon sun and shadows. Here in the middle of London, the loudest sound was a crow cawing in a nearby tree while his sable brothers marched with stately, halting tread across the walks. Maddy sat with her papa in the window seat, Cousin Edward and Jervaulx standing on either side of her, and Larkin a few steps away. It was almost crowded in this room where they waited. By the fire, Lady Clementia and Lady Charlotte and two more of Jervaulx's sisters had their chairs pulled up behind Lady de Marly and the dowager duchess. The ladies' husbands clustered near the door, speaking very softly among themselves, conferring sometimes with a bewigged man who stood in the doorway and sorted through papers without entering the room. Lady de Marly had particularly asked that Maddy and Papa be present, which was daunting. A very somber and low-voiced barrister had already interviewed the Timmses in a separate room, asking all about the duke and his behavior. The advocate made notes and cross-examined Papa at length on the mathematical work, but when Maddy rose and escorted Papa out, she had no very clear idea of what might come of it. The councillor had gone away then with Lady de Marly and Jervaulx, who came back strung to a higher tension yet, resonating beneath a veneer of stillness. He stood beside Maddy now, impeccably turned out by a valet who had unceremoniously evicted her from the dressing room this morning. No pretty embroidered waistcoat this time, but severe white, unadorned, with white knee breeches and a dark blue coat that Lady de Marly had pronounced suitable. He appeared as severe as a Quaker, but with a look that Maddy had never seen on any Friend's face, save on a man disowned from the Meeting for marriage by a priest to one of the world. That was what his relations wished to do to Jervaulx, Maddy thought—deny him. Disclaim and renounce him, make him disappear from family and place. As they sat waiting all the long afternoon in the chancery chamber, she came to understand without anyone telling her: it was these, his own kin, his own sisters and the men they had married, even his mother, who urged this inquiry, and only Lady de Marly stood on the other side. The summons came to attend the Lord Chancellor. Lady de Marly rose, and with her all the ladies, but it was Jervaulx alone who was wanted. Lady de Marly thrust out her stick and sat back down. "Do not fail me," she snapped at the duke. At the door, the advocate stood waiting, square-jawed and expressionless beneath his wig. Jervaulx cast Maddy a look of utter desperation. She gripped her hands hard together, unable to say to him what she wished to say not in front of these others, to will him courage and faith. "Your Grace?" the barrister said. "His Lordship awaits you." A slow cold blaze of hate came into the duke's face. It made him frightening. He looked at his family, one by one, each of his sisters, his brothers-in-law, his mother—as if he marked them, not to forget this. Then he walked forward to the barrister and the door. With one of his strange shifts of reality, Christian recognized the man at the table: Lyndhurst, chancellor's robes—change government—he remembered that—he remembered—Canning. A whole portion of his life suddenly opened to him. Lyndhurst stopped the rapid tapping of his fingers and looked up from the papers in his hand. A relief seemed to come into his face, replacing nervous restlessness, when he saw Christian standing silently. Lyndhurst rose and came around the table, holding out his hand. Christian knew him: a notorious womanizer, renegade Whig—a long, long way from Christian's small radical corner of the Lords but not the worst of the old men. Lord Chancellor now! Plum advance. But Christian recalled that, precariously. Tory crisis, talk and uncertainties; he felt adrift, with no notion of how long ago it had been or where the government stood now. No revolution, at least—not with the likes of Lyndhurst made Lord Chancellor. He clapped Christian on the shoulder, took his hand—the baffling moment when Christian couldn't lift it dissolved. Christian moved, became a human being able to return the pressure of greeting. "Lookell, sir! Verwell!" Christian nodded. "Come havseet. Wonake long. Spoke laymarly, y'see." He gestured toward a chair by the fire, pulling his own up to it. The lace on his robes flapped. He shook off the full dress, handed it over to a clerk who slipped out the door and vanished with the scarlet prize. Lyndhurst unfolded spectacles and perched them on his nose. The other bagwigs stood by, rustling papers. "Fewsimp quest, all clerup, eh?" He gave Christian a glance, between hope and embarrassment, and cleared his throat. A bagwig handed him some papers. He spent a moment making faces at the sheets in his lap. Without looking up, he said, "Staid namesir, ifill." Christian closed his hands around the arms of his chair. The fire popped. He could feel his heart beating hard. Lyndhurst looked up. "Name?" Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland. He could not say it. He felt a surge of renewed terror. The words would not come out. His breathing began to deepen; he stared at Lyndhurst, trying to turn an exhalation into a sound. One of the bagwigs said something, but it was a meaningless string of syllables to Christian. They put a parchment book in his lap, gave him a pen. He set the pen to the sheet. Nothing happened. He laid it down, then picked it up with his left hand. He tried to think of the letters, their shape, how to begin them. He looked up at Lyndhurst and found the man leaning forward, a troubled frown on his face. "Cantight name?" Christian pressed his head back against the chair. The Ape, that place—they would lock him there again! Frenzy sent the words farther away yet, scattering them beyond reach, beyond hope. The bagwigs watched him solemnly. His last time to speak in the House of Lords, he'd stood up to argue education, mechanical societies, science—he remembered Lyndhurst then, writing notes and whispering asides, regular Tory business. And now, like distant relatives at a deathbed, the Lord Chancellor and his minions peered at the Duke of Jervaulx: proper, uneasy, fascinated. He was one of them, dressed like them, had sat in the Lords with Lyndhurst—and this had happened to him. Lyndhurst pulled his lip, leaning on his chair. He shook his head, made a notation on a paper. Mortification seared Christian. He looked down at the notebook in his lap and wrote the algebraic expression of the distance between two points with respect to an orthogonal axis. "Whatiz?" Lyndhurst peered at the notebook, reaching to turn it without taking it from Christian's lap. The same square-faced bagwig leaned over and murmured in his ear. "Ah." Lyndhurst nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose. He looked at Christian. "Wry unt twenty force?" Twenty? They all watched the notebook expectantly. Christian deduced that he was to write. This time, his hand obeyed him. He transcribed the numeral twenty in his notebook. "One two twenty, if please." With more assurance, Christian wrote one thousand two hundred and twenty. Lyndhurst sighed, and pulled his lip again. Christian's momentary confidence evaporated. He hadn't done it right, that was obvious. He could taste the terror rise up in him again, feeling himself failing. The other bagwig spoke, and Lyndhurst nodded absently. The door opened; a clerk escorted Christian's mother into the room. Christian rose. She didn't even look at him; she just paused at the door. When the bagwig touched her arm, she turned and left the room. The door closed. Christian stood a moment, nonplussed. He sat down. "Nolade?" Anger rose in him. Just a game—it was a game to them, petty sport to baffle him. "Hose?" What? "Name?" Lyndhurst prodded. He closed his eyes. He worked at it. It wouldn't come. Nothing came. "Dunow?" Nothing! Christian stared at Lyndhurst, breathing fiercely through his teeth. One of the bagwigs took an unlit candlestick from the mantel, placing it on the table at Christian's side. The man handed him a paper twisted into a candlelighter. Taper to candle. Paper and flame. But his hands seemed to have nothing to do with one another. Lyndhurst leaned over and took the twist of paper. He held it to the coals until it began to smoke. A thin flame appeared. He inverted the taper and offered it to Christian. Christian accepted it carefully. He gazed at the blue and yellow flame, the white stream of smoke that curled from the tip. Someone spoke sharply. The bagwig leaned over and blew out the paper twist with a quick huff. Christian frowned. They had to give him time; they didn't give him time enough. The expression on the bagwig's face infuriated him. He closed his eyes and groped for the candlestick, caught it in his hand. He held the half-burned lighter in his other. He was determined to show that he could do it. He tried. He looked at the candlelighter, held it to the candle, turned his head to see better. His right hand reversed the candle. His left hand ground the smoking taper into the wax. Little flakes of black soot scattered over the notebook and his breeches, but that wasn't right. He turned the candlestick over and pressed the taper to it again. The paper twist crumpled in his hands and fell to the floor. Christian gazed at it in despair. Lyndhurst muttered to himself, writing. The clerk gently pried the inverted candlestick from Christian's grip. Then he collected a sheaf of banknotes and a handful of coins from the table, gave them to the Lord Chancellor. Lyndhurst reached out, spreading the money across the notebook in Christian's lap. "Tasumis." Christian picked up a pound note. He looked at Lyndhurst. The Lord Chancellor looked back kindly. Sympathetically. And in that patient pity Christian read his fate. He crushed the banknote. He came to his feet, hurling the notebook into the fire. Coins cascaded, ringing against the hearth. "No-no-no-no!" That was all he could do, that one futile word, over and over. "No-no-no-no-no." He felt like a cornered beast, all their startled eyes on him. Lunatic, lunatic, back to the mad place and chains. Back to die. Or worse—to live. Lunatic, oh God. A sworn and signed madman. Lunatic! They called Maddy and Cousin Edward to calm him. She went with her heart in her throat, expecting a shambles—all she found was Jervaulx beside an overturned chair, with the barristers and the Lord Chancellor himself looking harassed. Jervaulx saw Maddy. He lifted his hands and dropped them, making a sound of grief. Cousin Edward went to the chair and set it upright. "There now," he said calmly. "You won't force us to resort to the gauntlets, will you, Master Christian? Not in front of Her Grace and Miss Timms." Jervaulx hit him. Cousin Edward went down in a mill of arms, falling back against the chair as the barristers lunged for Jervaulx before he made it past them. For a moment confusion reigned, shouts and the scrape of wood, then Larkin was there, backhanding the duke with a fist that sent him sprawling against the table, the two lawyers still clinging to his arms. Papers flew, sliding in massive sheafs and bundles to the floor. Larkin flung himself on top of the duke, his blunt hands at Jervaulx's throat. The struggle ceased. Jervaulx dropped his head back against the table, panting. He closed his eyes and turned his face from the rest of them. Larkin slowly pushed himself away, flipping a big India rubber ring against his palm before he shoved it in his pocket. The barristers had both lost their wigs. They looked flushed and awkward, chagrined when Larkin said, "Stand him up and let him go, sirs. He'll not fight any longer." They pulled him upright. Jervaulx hardly seemed aware of the grip on his arms; he stood braced against the table, his head down, making no attempt to move when they released him. His fine coat had ripped at the shoulder seam, showing white linen beneath. Cousin Edward moved forward with the leather gauntlets, slipping them on and securing the laces with the efficiency of long practice. His lip was bleeding, but Jervaulx, who'd taken a far harder blow from Larkin, had no mark on him. "What is this?" Lady de Marly's voice cut ice through the air. The Lord Chancellor looked up from examining his cracked spectacles. "M'lady." Behind her, the dowager duchess and the rest crowded about the door, nudging themselves into Lady de Marly's wake. Maddy found herself edged into a corner as one of the husbands pushed his way past her, begging her pardon without much conviction. Jervaulx stood with his arms bound, staring at the floor. The rip at his shoulder gaped with the awkward angle forced on his arms by the gauntlets. The Lord Chancellor glanced around at the family crowding in. "Well," he said, quite dry and little annoyed. "As it falls out that you're all here—let me tell you my decision in the matter of the petition for a writ de idiota inquirendo in the case of His Grace Christian Langland, the Duke of Jervaulx." Lady de Marly thumped her stick in an ominous way. "Lyndhurst—" she began imperiously. "M'lady," the Lord Chancellor's voice had a warning note within it. "Allow me." He seated himself in a large chair next to the fire, waving Lady de Marly into the one that had been replaced across from him. He held out his hand in expectation. The clerk hurried to retrieve a scatter of papers from near his feet. The Lord Chancellor took them, rearranged them, holding his damaged spectacles to his nose without putting them on. "I have examined the duke with a view to his ability to mind his business. I find that he cannot give his name, nor write it. He cannot count from one to twenty. He does not appear to recognize his mother. He had no sensible response upon being given a candle to light. When asked to tell a sum of money, he threw it into the fire. These are—" His voice rose as Lady de Marly attempted to interrupt. "These are the customary criteria we apply to determine compos mentis, m'lady." Lady de Marly had been leaning forward, She met the Lord Chancellor's look and sank back in her chair, her chin lifted. "Your Lordship, he is the Duke of Jervaulx." She gave the Lord Chancellor a glare that would have shriveled stone. "The Duke... of Jervaulx." They were like two elders locked in silent conflict, two massive wills. Everyone and everything else was eerily still, but for the fire rumbling quietly between Lady de Marly and the Lord Chancellor. Such a commonplace sound, while Jervaulx never moved nor lifted his head. The Lord Chancellor rustled his papers. He cleared his throat. "On behalf of Her Grace the Dowager Duchess of Jervaulx, we have Lord Tilgate, Lord Stoneham, Mr. Manning, Mr. Perceval, jointly and severally, et cetera, et cetera—petition the court—et cetera—writ de idiota inquirendo—yes, I thought I was not mistaken." He glanced toward their councillor. "Mr. Temple—there has been an error in the documents. This should not have been submitted as de idiota, but as de lunatico—as I have satisfied myself from my examination of the duke." He swept his audience with a dispassionate look. "It is perfectly clear to me that this is a case of mental derangement rather than idiocy. If your party should wish to correct the petition and resubmit, Mr. Temple, I will of course take up the question again at a later date." Maddy could not understand why Lady de Marly was so jubilant. She appeared to view the postponement as an entire victory—and indeed, the vehement low-voiced complaints of the brothers-in-law revealed their dissatisfaction. As Lady de Marly made her slow and thumping way down the hall and outside to the waiting carriages, Maddy overheard one of the husbands mutter, "Good God, man, another half-year?" His voice rose a little as he caught the barrister's arm. "The estate'll be a shambles!" The others hushed him. Maddy walked past them in the hall. His sisters and brothers-in-law looked behind her, edged aside, putting their backs to the wall. Maddy paused at the head of the stairs. Between Cousin Edward and Larkin, Jervaulx walked down the row of spectators, bound, as if he were a criminal led to execution. He gave no sign that he even knew anyone else was nearby; he only seemed to watch the hems of his sisters' dresses as he passed. Not until he reached Maddy did he raise his eyes—and she saw then that he had gone away. Nothing was there, no sorrow, no anger, no recognition. He'd said that he would die if they sent him back. Maddy thought that he had already. She almost reached out to touch him, but... no. No. It was better this way. Better not to bring him back, not to make him feel this moment. The family closed ranks in the hall behind him, murmuring among themselves. Maddy lifted her skirt, turning away from him, leading the way down the stairs. In a chair drawn close to the fire as always, Lady de Marly seated herself in her private boudoir, surrounded by furniture in black Oriental lacquer. Every possible inch of space was covered with blue and white porcelain bottles, tiny and large, some simple, some painted with grotesque dragons and mythical beasts. She took a long draught of smelling salts from one of the bottles, then opened her eyes and curled the phial in her hand. "Miss Timms." She fixed her look on Maddy. "It is imperative that he comprehend what I have to say. That is why you are here." "I understand." "Ill-bred chit. You answer me 'm'lady' when I speak to you." "It is not our principle," Maddy said calmly. Lady de Marly lifted her brows. "I daresay." She appeared content with this caustic remark and turned her attention to the duke. He stood bound in the gauntlets, watching them both like a dark outlaw enchained. Lady de Marly took another deep breath of her salts, then waved the phial. "Remove those... bonds," she said, as if the very word offended her. Maddy was happy to do so. Jervaulx held still as she unlaced them. Released, he moved his fists apart, spread his fingers, looking down at his hands one by one. Then he lifted his head and nodded once to Maddy, terse thanks. Lady de Marly thumped her stick for attention. "You, boy—do you know what's happened today?" "Slowly," Maddy advised. The old lady made an annoyed grimace. "Jervaulx!" He looked at her. "Hear me," she said. "You failed today. Failed." His jaw worked. He began to breathe faster, making the effort to speak. To Maddy's relief, Lady de Marly waited without interrupting him. "Vesta!" he burst out fiercely. "Don't... back. God! If... love. If—" He reached and grabbed Maddy's arm, pushing her toward his aunt. He held her in front of him. "Say." Maddy felt his fingers drive into her arms. He gave her a little shake, made a growl in his throat. "Say," he insisted. "He doesn't wish to return to Blythedale, Lady de Marly," she said. "I believe that is what he wants me to tell thee." "Indeed." She didn't even look at Maddy, only at the duke behind her. Jervaulx expelled a groan, pushing Maddy from him. He strode to the end of the room. "Kill... now." He turned on them, gripping the fretted rails of an ebony Chinese chair. "Not... back." Lady de Marly regarded him, nodding faintly. "Back you go, however. Your mother wills it," she said, with a calm cruelty that forced Maddy into speech. "Perhaps thou might consider—" "Miss Timms!" Lady de Marly snapped. Maddy fell silent. "Miss Timms, you did not mention that he was capable of intelligent speech." Lady de Marly had a way of making one feel guilty even for improvement. "He's sometimes spoken," Maddy said, "but not often." "How often? In what circumstances?" "I think—when he's angry. When he wants something very much. When it is—" She hesitated. "When it is important to him." "I see." Lady de Marly wrapped both her hands around the knob of her walking stick. She leaned her head against the chair and closed her eyes. "Jervaulx," the old lady said. "You will go back. Do you understand?" He held the chair. "Back?" Just that word, one agonized word. "Yes." Lady de Marly opened her eyes. She thumped her stick. "Unless you do as I say." She set the stick and pushed herself to her feet. The duke didn't move as she walked toward him, each half-step a stiff rustle of silk. She stopped, leaning hard on her support. They looked at one another with the ebony chair between them. "Not back, Jervaulx. Not... back... if—" She glared up into the duke's eyes. "If you consent." His face was dark with emotion and wariness. "Con... sent?" "Consent to marry." He turned his head slightly. Maddy could see the hesitation. "Marry," Lady de Marly repeated, clear and plain. "Marry... secure the title... and you do not go back. I'll see to it." Comprehension washed into his face. Comprehension and affront—an instant of aristocratic arrogance, pure duke, amazed offense at this interference—and then the further realization, full grasp of what she offered. He let go of the chair. "Yes," he ejaculated. Anything, that one syllable said. Anything not to go back.
"'I will,'" Maddy read again. The duke's fingers tightened around the handgrip of a heavy seal. It formed another stamp in the desk blotter as he pressed down in his effort to speak. All day she'd been locked with him in the library, reciting from the marriage ceremony in the Book of Common Prayer. He never looked at the endless phoenix crests he was making in the paper. He never took his eyes from her. "Wmmm... mill," he managed. "I... will," she corrected. He stared at her across the desk. Concentration froze all humanity from his face: he was ice and darkness, his eyes the depth of blue winter. No sound came. Maddy looked down at the book again. She referred once more to Lady de Marly's note of the proper names to insert, though she had them memorized long since. "I, Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland—" "Christian Richard," he said. "Christian Richard... nn... klas." He swallowed, clenching his teeth. "Fra... Lang." "Take thee—" "Thnnnh," he said, half a groan. She went on as if he'd succeeded, though it had begun to appear that he never would. Lady de Marly had set them to this task just after breakfast, and now, after dinner and tea time, Maddy was near despairing of it. She moistened her lips, exhaling softly, and read again. A tired sing-song crept into her voice. "Take thee Anne Rose—" "Take thee Anne Rose." He managed that quite clearly. The sudden fluency made Maddy glance up. Surprise caught them both; the duke looked as startled at his success as she. Maddy broke into a smile. "There!" He grinned, flushing with achievement. "Take thee—Anne Rose," he repeated, nodding on each stress. "Take thee, Anne Rose Bernice Trotman—" His smile faded. He frowned, and shook his head. "Take thee Anne Rose—" "Ber-nice Trot-man." "Take thee Anne Rose Bernice Trotman." "Yes!" She leaned forward. "I—" He interrupted her, taking up a nodding rhythm. "Christian Richard Nick'las Langland. Christian Richard Nick'las Langland. I... Christian Richard Nicolas Langland." He shoved back the chair, flung himself out of it. "I Christian Richard Nicholas Langland. Langland. Christian. I Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland. Langland!" He gave a harsh victorious laugh. He grabbed the seal, pounding it down on the blotter with each word. "I Christian Richard Nick'las Francis Langland!" His violent excitement frightened her a little. Maddy closed the book. "Perhaps that would be a good place to stop for the day." "No!" He came around the desk, took the book from her hand and flattened it open on the table. "Maddygirl! Take thee Anne Rose Bernice Trotman—" She hesitated. He caught her hand, squeezed it, working it painfully in his. Maddy nodded. He let her go. She leaned over the priest's book. "—'to my wedded wife.'" That seemed harder to fit to the lilt. She had to force it into an unnatural beat. "To my wedded wife.'" "To my wed wife." She thought that must be near enough. "To have and to hold—" "To have ant hold—" From this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health—whatever else might be said of the Church of England's wedding vows, and the Society of Friends had nothing but ill to impart, the lines lent themselves to this simple, heavy cadence that he could repeat. He was far from perfect, slurring over syllables that didn't quite fit into the rhythm, but the improvement made him joyous. He paced the room, nodding in tempo, insisting that she read the lines over and over as he repeated them. Finally he came and stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders, reciting the whole passage himself. "I will. I Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland Take thee Anne Rose Bernice Trotman. To my wed wife. To have to hold. From this day fore. For bet for worse. In sick and health. To love to chers. Till death do part." His fingers worked in time. "According to. God's holy ord. And there... I plight... thee my... Troth. Ha!" He squeezed her, obviously proud of himself for getting through the difficult last lines. Maddy turned her head to the side, unable to see him for her bonnet. She didn't try, not really. Her bonnet was there, reality and protection, buffer against a man's elation, his beautiful grin and dark midnight eyes. He was of the world; he would be married by a priest to a child of the world. He would be married, and he would not go back to Blythedale Hall. With a quick move, she shut the book. She stood up, breaking free of his touch. "I shall tell Lady de Marly then—thou art able to say thy lines." She was called into Lady de Marly's presence directly. The lady ate her supper in bed from a lap tray, enthroned beneath exotic birds and Oriental figures in the Chinese room. Maddy stood with her hands clasped. "So you believe that he's capable?" Lady de Marly demanded, between a bite of toast and a sip of tea. "He will perhaps be better with more work." "Six months, Miss Timms. Six months, that is what Lyndhurst gave us. And we may not count upon that, although counsel advises me that it would be surprising if the corrected petition should proceed any faster than the original." She dropped her teaspoon on the tray with a careless clatter. "We can't wait upon improvement. Best to have the thing done and get the girl with child. I want no questions of legitimacy. You understand the urgency of this matter?" "His marriage, dost thou mean?" "His heir, girl. He's got no heir. He ought to have done years ago, like any reasonable man, but what must his witless mother do but pester him every living minute of his life to reform and marry, with the natural result that wild horses could not drag him to the altar. He flouts her every way he can. Not that I blame him for it, but only a selfish blockhead with illusions of immortality would have left the title unsecured. Which, as I've made no bones to tell him, is precisely what he is. And now—" Her voice went to an unexpected quaver. She stopped speaking. Her age seemed to descend on her suddenly, leaving her vulnerable: fumbling for her teacup, taking a long trembling sip. The cup rattled when she set it down. She stared at nothing for a moment, then made a ripe snort. "Well. At any rate, now that he is—what he's become," she continued, with a brittle precision that gained strength as she spoke, as if by saying the thing out loud she brought it under her dominion, "we must retrieve what we can. The dukedom reverts to the Crown without legitimate male issue. That is what lies at stake here, my fine miss. He's got no heir. An idiot can't marry, can he? Nor a man judged out of his mind. If we cannot get him wed before he's declared incompetent—it is lost." Maddy was silent, and a little shocked. She didn't think that Lady de Marly would admire a speech on the vanity of worldly institutions such as dukedoms, but to force her nephew to marry for one, to blackmail him into it with the threat of Blythedale—it seemed iniquitous. "But—Anne Trotman?" Maddy asked diffidently. "She is wishful to marry him?" "He is the Duke of Jervaulx, girl." "Even though—" Lady de Marly rattled her cup on the tray quite loudly. "Her father and I have arrived at a satisfactory arrangement a month since. The family are gentry. They have an ancient connection to the Dukes of Rutland, but no direct claim to hereditary honors. Mr. Trotman has just been returned MP for some petty borough in Huntingdonshire. The girl's marriage portion is a scant ten thousand pounds, against what I think you must agree is a generous jointure of fifty-two hundred annual for the duke's wife. I believe Miss Trotman may consider herself a most amazingly fortunate young lady." "She does not know." Lady de Marly became interested in her toast, slicing a portion with exactitude. "She is aware that he has been ill. Her parents and I have not judged it useful to tax her with the details. Young minds are inclined to overactive imagination." "Lady de Marly—it cannot be a true marriage before God." "You are impertinent." "I am plain spoken." "Rude and common. A true marriage before God! A ceremony in the Church of England—how much more before God would you wish? Nonsense, girl. What low-bred notions will you prate of next? Bundling? Shall they court in bed, as the country servants do? Hop over a broomstick for their vows? A true marriage indeed. You know nothing of it." "I know that no truth can be based upon pride of place and falsehood!" Lady de Marly threw down her silver knife. "Insolent jade! Do you call me a liar?" Maddy took a stubborn breath. "Thou knowest thine own heart." "And you would do well to remember it, girl. Enough of your dissenter babble. He is the duke. She will be his duchess. I don't know what objection there can be to that. I can see only one question, and that is tainted blood, but there's been no case of madness or imbecility in his pedigree for centuries—setting aside his silly goose of a mother. You may believe that I have looked into it. And Mr. Trotman will have too, if he is a man of any sense." Maddy felt distressed. "She will not have him, when she discovers it. She will humiliate him." "That she will not!" Lady de Marly said crisply. "Miss Timms—I will allow that you are a generous hearted girl—let me be as plain as you. Naturally you are not accustomed to our ways. Miss Trotman will be a peeress. She will have her own house—this house. Her own staff, access to the greatest in the land, wealth beyond her ability to exhaust. By this alliance, her father's political career—nay, her entire family's future—is assured. For all this, she need have no more to do with him than her duty. Her parents understand this, as well they might. Whatever her immediate feelings, I am assured that Miss Trotman, on reflection, can be brought to see the advantages of the match." "And the duke?" "The duke will no longer be your affair." "But—if there should be an heir? She might wish to see him sent away then." "You strain my patience, Miss Timms. Why think you that I chose the girl? She's biddable enough. His brothers-in-law will not preside. Nor his mother. Miss Trotman is well enough aware of who has done this for her." Maddy stood silent, still caught in peculiar anxiety for his future. Lady de Marly regarded her. "Miss Timms," she said, in a quieter tone than she had yet used. "He is my brother's last surviving son. He is the last of my family whom I understand. Until you have outlived your husband, your children, and all your generation, you cannot know what that means." "If thou loved him, thou wouldst not ever send him back." She lifted her painted brows. "Ah. But I did not say to you I loved him. I said that I understood him. He weds, Miss—or back he goes. I vow it. And so you may assure him." She rested against the pillows. "See that he can speak his pledge proper, girl, if you care what becomes of him. Now move this tray, so that I can sleep." They were all gathered, the Trotmans, Lady de Marly and the dowager duchess, when Maddy entered the drawing room with Jervaulx. Lady de Marly, without rising from her chair, said, "Jervaulx—Mr. and Mrs. James Trotman." The father, a distinguished, vigorous gentleman with high color in his cheeks, came forward across the carpet instantly. He held out his hand. Jervaulx looked at it, looked up in the man's face, and made a slight nod. Trotman's hand dropped. "Sir." He responded with a deep formal bow, quickly covering the awkwardness. "I'm honored. May I present my wife—" He turned slightly. The lady, very fair and small, dropped a curtsy. "And this... this is my daughter Anne." With a fatherly gesture, he beckoned her. "Annie, don't hang back. She's a little shy today—perhaps you'll forgive her, sir, under the circumstances. Come here, darling, and make yourself known to the duke." Anne Trotman obeyed, leaving her mother's side with lowered face. When she reached her father, she glanced up quickly, and then looked down again, lowering herself into a deep curtsy. In that brief glimpse, Maddy saw how young she was, as pale now as Lady de Marly, but with the same apples of pink in her cheeks as her father, the flush of fright in a face just a breath too round to be called beautiful, but still quite pretty. Blonde, dressed in apple green with ribbons and ruches of white, she looked a terrified lamb to Jervaulx's black wolf potency. Maddy watched him survey her, her elaborately dressed hair, her puffed sleeves, her tiny waist. So young, Maddy thought—she could not have seventeen years yet. The duke was impassive. He responded to her curtsy with a half-bow of worldly and impeccable politeness. He straightened, still observing her beneath his long lashes. "She's a very nice girl, don't you think, Christian? A good devout girl." The dowager duchess floated forward. "Mrs. Trotman and her daughter are both active in the Church Building Society." Lady de Marly groped for her stick and heaved herself to her feet. "I believe Mr. Trotman expressed his wish to view the library," she announced. "Let us leave the young people to divert themselves. Miss Timms—you will stay. Ring for refreshment." Maddy was glad of this small task, as it gave her something to do. Lady de Marly overcame the dowager duchess' reluctance to leave by insisting that she needed her sister-in-law's arm for support out the door, and the Trotmans filed out in willing subjection. As they passed him, the duke gave them each a nod of recognition, an ironic lift to the corner of his mouth. The door closed. Jervaulx turned and walked away to the window. He stood there, gazing out. The girl also stood, her cheeks aflame, gripping her hands together and staring at the floor. "Thou wouldst sit?" Maddy asked, finding herself hostess. Anne Trotman peeked at her. She looked quickly toward the duke and away. "Yes," she said, barely whispering the word. Maddy arranged two chairs near the fire, and placed one for herself a little back. The girl immediately started to take the one at a distance from the others. "Please," Maddy said firmly, determined that Jervaulx and his betrothed should come to know one another as well as they might before embarking upon an entire life together. "Do have this seat. Next the fire." Anne Trotman reluctantly took the chair Maddy indicated. She sat straight, her face lowered, her hands in two white fists. Maddy looked up at Jervaulx, who merely looked back at her with that sarcastic half-smile. She frowned at him a little, moving her chin to hint him into the other chair. He lifted his eyebrows and stayed where he was, cool defiance, a complete disavowal of any obligation. Maddy sat down in her place. She had to lean forward a little to see Anne Trotman's features. "I'm Maddy Timms," she said. The girl nodded. She gave Maddy one wild glance and then dropped her eyes to her lap again. Mercifully, the tea tray arrived. For a few moments, that provided distraction, as Maddy poured and inquired about milk and sugar. The young lady would not take a plate. "I'm afraid I—could not eat," she said in a low voice. Maddy prepared a cup and carried it to Jervaulx. He leaned against the window draperies, accepting the tea but making no move to drink it. She went back to her chair. The stilted silence lengthened. Maddy rued her lack of art for idle talk. "The duke is fond of mathematics," she said finally. The girl looked at her as if she'd spoken in some language out of darkest Africa. "He and my father have developed a new geometry," Maddy continued stubbornly. "They received a standing ovation at the Analytical Society. Are you mathematical, Anne Trotman?" The girl blinked. "Not at all." "I can give thee some books on the subject. It ought to be a pleasure for married people to enter into one another's interests, ought it not? I am a gardener, myself. What dost thou enjoy to do?" Anne Trotman wet her lips. "Go to balls," she said. "And dance. Although—I haven't been to one. I'm not yet out. Mother said—that now I should come out when... " She shot a glance toward the duke and away. "Afterward." She lifted her head a little. "I shall be presented at court, with a satin gown and a train. I shall wear feathers in my hair, and diamonds." Maddy rose. She walked halfway to Jervaulx, stopped and said clearly, "Anne Trotman enjoys dancing at balls." He looked up from a deep contemplation of his teacup. "Dance," Maddy repeated. "Anne Trotman likes to dance. She likes balls." Jervaulx lifted his brows in exaggerated astonishment at this news. Maddy returned to the young lady at the fire. "The duke has been—quite ill. If thou wilt but speak slow and distinct, he can converse with thee." "He is mad, isn't he?" Anne Trotman came to vehement life. "His sister called yesterday—she told me that he nearly killed a footman!" "He is not mad." The girl was trembling. She exclaimed beneath her breath, "They put him in a madhouse! He was in chains. Isn't that true?" Maddy pursed her lips. "It is true!" Anne Trotman dropped her cup onto the tray and stood, turning on Maddy. "I can see it by your face!" She looked beyond to Jervaulx. "It's ghastly. I don't want to converse with him. I don't want him to touch me!" "Then perhaps thou shouldst not consent to marry him," Maddy said quietly. Anne Trotman tore her gaze from Jervaulx. "Everyone says that I must." Maddy could not support disobedience, nor argue against the wisdom of the girl's parents; it would be wicked. She could only hope that the child would find her own way in the Light. "I must. I will be a duchess," the girl said. "A duchess." Jervaulx smiled, a slow sneer. He left the window, walked past Maddy, making a leisurely stalk of Anne Trotman as she backed away, her pink cheeks going to burning ruby against white. "Don't!" She came up against a gilded table. "Don't touch me! Miss Timms!" The duke caught her chin hard between his fingers. He made her look up into his face, held her there as she panted in hysterical dismay. He touched her, spreading his hand at her wide ribbon sash, his fingers strong and dark on white satin. His palm moved upward in a licentious exploration that ignored all the ruche and ruffles, that outlined her bosom in flagrant depravity. As she tried to slip sideways, he gripped her arm. He forced himself against her, his whole body a barrier pressed to hers. The girl struggled, gasping. "You are indecent!" she cried. "Let me go!" He held her fast in spite of her strain. "Touch... when... please." The brutal inflection of his words froze her. She held her breath, staring up at him like a petrified animal. Maddy came to her feet. "Jervaulx," she said. He let Anne Trotman go. She scrambled aside, brushing at her silk and ribbons as if she had been dirtied. With a wordless, frantic glance at Maddy, the girl picked up her skirts and fled the room. The door shut on a resounding boom. "Anne Rose Bernice Trotman." His right fist opened and closed rhythmically. He glanced at her beneath dusky lashes. "Thou frightened her by intent." "Bitch," he said clearly. An ugly smile curled his lips. He reached to the mantel and picked up a china figurine of a young girl. He dropped it on the hearth. Maddy startled at the shatter, then took a step forward to prevent him as he reached for another of the set. The second figure smashed against the stone. He caught up a third, held it suspended in his hand, taunting her. Maddy halted. He dropped the statuette. It burst into fragments that arched and fell at her feet. "Mine," he said. "Break." He swept a look around the ornate room. "Break all." Maddy turned away. "Very fine! Thou art the duke! Thou canst break it all!" She looked over her shoulder at him. "And now she will not wed thee, and thou wilt go back." "Anne Rose Bernice Trotman," he jeered, and flicked at the fragments with his boot. "They will send thee back." Her voice rose with emotion. "Back!" That caught his attention. He narrowed his eyes. "No." "No marriage. Back." He scowled. "No... mar... ?" Maddy gestured toward the door where his betrothed had escaped. "She will not wed thee now!" In a long instant of hesitation, he concentrated on Maddy's face... and then suddenly gave a laugh. "No?" He shook his head and sprawled in a golden-legged chair. "Mad... ghastly... touch!" He made a face of revulsion, pushed his palm away as Anne Trotman had done. He laughed again, bitterly. "Maddygirl. Think won't... wed?" The dowager duchess came to Maddy in the wildly ornate dressing room, just as she had finished her tray of supper. The duchess asked that they kneel and pray together. In a long discourse, she thanked God for Miss Anne Trotman, and for Dr. Timms and his assistants Larkin and Miss Timms, who with the permission of kind Providence, without which all human aid would fail, had set her son on the path of restoration. Maddy recognized that she was meant to accept this as a personal acknowledgment, which made her feel uncomfortable and subdued. After the final amen, while the duchess took the single chair in the room, Maddy got up from beside her cot and sat on the edge of it. The duchess laid her hands together in her lap. "Miss Timms, I've had a long interview with your uncle, and I don't scruple to say to you I'm distressed that my son is to be taken from care at Blythedale. I think you must know who is responsible, but we'll say no more of that. I will tell you now, as I told Dr. Timms, that I consider the whole situation an experimental one." Her fingers moved in a restless pulse, as if she were picking out odd notes on a musical instrument. "The duke should be married; there is no question of that. It is the only reason that I allow this plan to go forward. But if there should be the slightest recurrance of ungovernability, then Dr. Timms believes, as I do, that my son should be returned to the asylum. I speak of this to you because it is intended that you will stay with us through the wedding—perhaps even a little after. I believe that Miss Trotman has asked that you not be let go until she is consulted, which I think we can agree is quite wise of her. She seems a steady girl for her age, a good Christian girl. Of course, I had never thought—my son's bride—" She pressed her lips together. "Her background isn't what anyone could have envisioned, but we must count ourselves fortunate in her, considering the situation. Miss Timms, I cannot tell you how many nights I've prayed that he would see the error of his ways. I cannot tell you—" She lost her voice. Maddy sat quietly. The duchess lowered her face, with silent tears slipping down her cheeks. She stood up abruptly and went to the hallway door. "His aunt—" she said, facing away from Maddy, "—Lady de Marly thinks only of the title, but I know in my heart that it is too soon. He should return. I really think that he will. Blythedale offers the best of moral treatment. He should be in your care there. Perhaps—under Dr. Timms' supervision—he might visit his wife when it is appropriate." She held the doorknob and looked back. "That would be better for everyone." "Lady de Marly has promised him differently," Maddy said. "Well," the dowager duchess said, "we shall see. We shall see. You are to keep me informed of his state of mind, Miss Timms. Lady de Marly has her whims, but I am his mother. I understand his welfare better than anyone. I feel quite certain that I can bring Miss Trotman to agree with me after they are married. It will be her decision then. Even Lady de Marly must admit that. And Miss Trotman is such a good steady girl." Christian stood and let himself be dressed for his wedding: his court suit, deep brown velvet, silver buttons, a waistcoat long and trimmed with heavy pattern. Breeches, cutaway embroidered tails—and over it all, the blue Garter ribbon and silver starburst of the Order pinned across his chest. Feudal, unremittingly antiquated, right down to the diamond shoe buckles. Maddy had been wrong. The girl wanted to be a duchess too badly to bolt. Mad ghastly lunatic. Commissioned mad, tried and hung: he was theirs now; he had no existence. Strip naked strangle castrate—powerless—dead!—but he couldn't think of that—the outrage still burned him, scorched heat and shame in his skin. Didn't want him to touch her, did she? When she was just the sort of silly green giggle calf he most despised, all dress flounce airs, no wit, primed to dance at balls and swoon on cue. She was his fate and always had been. He understood his aunt. It was a family matter, cold-blooded business that went beyond Christian's personal inclinations—it was duty, rock hard and unforgiving—seven hundred years of the unbroken name of Langland. Beyond that, it was Jervaulx Castle in the hands of strangers. It was the mad place, losing himself, the cradle and the straitjacket and the chains. He'd thought it through, thought about it all night and the night before that, lying in his father's and grandfather's bed. Marry, breed, heir; his own blood at Jervaulx. He wasn't accustomed to looking at himself in that way; he'd always left it to the women in his family, obsessed as they had always seemed with the notion. Mate with a bought mare. He envisioned bedding Miss Trotman, realized the horse pun in her name. His mouth curled: vicious humor to contain the ferocity he felt. Good reason to be afraid, Trot-calf-duchess; good reason to snivel. He would bed her, get a son—God would remember him that far, surely—and go home to Jervaulx with the boy. She could stay in town and dance her feet off, play duchess till she died. And Maddy... Maddygirl he would take. He couldn't live without Maddy. Jewels, kittens, kisses, whatever he had to give her. Quaker thee-thou, she wouldn't like to be a mistress; he didn't like it himself, but it was crucial. It was necessary. And he would not take her virtue without giving back anything, everything she wanted. They could live at Jervaulx with him, she and her father and his heir. And Christian thought, with a kind of bewilderment, that it would be all right. It would be a sufficient life. Different, utterly, from what he'd anticipated; existing by halves, as he was half of himself, but the best he could conceive now. He tried to think of his wedding lines and couldn't find the start. But that was all right, too. When he heard them, he could do it. The valet began to brush his coat. Christian looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like a half-man there too, not-real on the right side. It made him uneasy, and he looked away. Duke. Duchess. He didn't want her. He hardly knew her well enough to hate her, but he imagined that the day would shortly come when he would. He knew a hundred men who did anything to avoid going home to their wives. His valet smoothed his shoulder seams and laid down the brush. Christian found himself made ready to become number one hundred and one.
The church echoed, almost empty, the windows stark and dim with a cold morning fog. Christian had attended all of his sister's weddings. Fashionably private as they had been, this was so small as to be furtive—in a parish chapel he'd never entered before, only his mother and aunt in front, a small scatter of Trotmans, the blood man, the Ape—and Maddy, her face as sober as her plain gray dress and black cloak, in a box pew farther back. In the hush, Mr. Trotman escorted his daughter to the spartan altar, both of them breathing frost in the shadowy air. Except for the frost and the red spots in her cheeks, the bride looked as inhumanly polished as a stone effigy. She arrived at Christian's side, all in pale silk, her train hissing behind her. She didn't look at him. The curate began to speak. Christian took a deep breath, turning his head to watch the man read. He was lost immediately, unable to find a place in the quick flow of syllables. He clenched his hand. The clergyman paused, looking up beyond Christian and Miss Trotman to the tiny congregation. He waited an instant, and then began to read again, glancing first at Christian, then the bride. Christian thought it must be the part about impediments and the dreadful Day of Judgment; he had nothing to say here, but his first moment was coming rapidly. The air in front of his face grew white with his breath; he tried to control it, swallowing, concentrating, forcing his hand to open, then finding it ground into a fist again. The priest looked at him. Christian heard his name—but too fast, it went too fast—the sounds slid by like foreign babble and ended on an upward questioning note. The church held an expectant lull. I will. Christian knew exactly what he was to say. He'd said it a hundred times for Maddy. He envisioned her head nodding in time to the cadence. He breathed deeper and faster, trying for it. Silence. Nothing. The curate kept looking at him. Miss Trotman stared straight ahead. Christian opened his fist. He knew the words. He couldn't speak. Speak. Speak! His fist went hard with the effort. He felt himself growing dizzy. "Jervaulx." His aunt's voice reverberated against brick and carved wood, empty dead glass windows. "Vow—do or turn blythall!" The mad place. Strip chains animal no. No no no no. Christian didn't look at her; he kept his eyes on the clergyman. Her resounding voice died away. She wouldn't do it; she couldn't send him away to that place again; he didn't believe her; it was a mistake; he was trying and she thought he was defying her. I will, I will, I can't no words not back oh God. He struggled. Silence... silence... no-word silence. He couldn't produce sound sentence word scream nothing, as unreal as the half-man in the mirror, impotent. Miss Trotman ran her tongue round her lips, not moving more than that. "Unstan, Jervaulx?" The high, peaked ceiling amplified his aunt's vehemence. "Unstan back blythall?" He turned his head. She was on her feet. From where he stood, he could see her shaking with rage. "Bythall," she said. The word echoed and echoed. Back mad-mad-mad-mad-mad... Miss Trotman was a monument, like the stone busts and memorials, a walking dead. The curate lifted his book, said Christian's name again, and read. He came to the question a second time, keeponherlongbothlive? Christian tried to respond. He would not go back, but he couldn't form the words; he felt nauseated with the intensity of the effort. In dumb extremity he turned round, searching for Maddy. She sat still, stark and fixed in her prim bonnet and cloak, not answering when he gazed at her, pleading with her to help him, to say it properly, to give him the heavy unmusical tempo he could control. "Takm vest," his aunt snapped, moving laboriously out of the pew. His mother rose; the clergyman cleared his throat and closed his book. Christian saw the Ape, ludicrous in a rented coat, stand and come striding up the aisle. Christian moved. He left Miss Trotman, walking toward the keeper. His mother and aunt were coming into the aisle behind the Ape. Christian went as if to them, brushed past the keeper, the blood man, calm calm no excuse to hold him stop him reach his aunt—almost to the she-dragon—and instead he turned into the box pew where Maddy stood. He took her arm, pushed her lightly, urging her out. He didn't give the Ape a reason—he headed for the vestry where he'd been before the ceremony, keeping Maddy on his arm, holding her hand there by force. The others followed. Their voices resounded in the church, a little high pitched but not urgent. He let Maddygirl pass in front of him through the vestry door. He closed it behind him. There was no key. Christian shot the bolt. Maddy exclaimed as he yanked her with him past the rows of hanging vestments. The side door was locked, this one a mortise, but the key hung from a red ribbon directly beside the frame. He caught up the ornate brass, but his right hand was too clumsy; the keyhole seemed hard to see—he let go of Maddy to use his left hand and then could not make the transfer from one hand to the other. The door behind them rattled. A man's voice called out. Maddy turned toward it. The bolt rattled again, and then pounding began. Christian dropped the key trying to get it into the lock. He made a sound of anguish, retrieving it, pulling back her cloak and pushing the key into her hand. Only a minute, maybe two, before they reckoned what he was about and came around the outside to stop him. He seized her hand, compelling it toward the lock. "No," she cried. "Can't!" He held her wrist in both of his hands, pressed it up against the door. She made a sob of frustration. Still Christian held her there, halfway to tears himself, not even able to say her name to beg and plead and grovel for the one trivial move, the small petty commonplace act, a key in a lock and his whole life balanced on it—he would have gone down on his knees to induce her, but he had no time. He threw his shoulder against the door. The wood crashed on the frame. He smashed himself against it again, battering on a thick solid barrier, ignoring the punishment to his arm and ribs, working for freedom. Maddy cried out, tugging at him, but he defied that too. The door boomed under his assault; the shouts from beyond the other entrance ceased, and he knew he had only seconds now. Maddy kept calling at him, but he could barely hear her above the thunder of the wood. She caught his arm desperately. "Wait!" Her frantic words finally came clear in his brain. "Wait—thamus wait!" She was pushing at him, struggling to reach the lock. Christian stayed pressed to the door, watching her hands. She had the key inserted and turned in an instant. He grabbed the handle and shoved it open. Down into the tiny side yard. He took Maddy, pulled her so hard that she fell down the steps against him. At the foot, he met a gate and shattered it at the lock with one kick. Maddy had ceased speaking or trying to pull away. As he pushed through the gate, she came after, her head down except for one brief glance at him. Christian shoved the gate closed and turned to the old burying ground. Slipping on long grass, Maddy followed him. A single shout of pursuit hung thin and strange in the vapor, then there was nothing but mist and the graves. The duke was a dark figure in the freezing fog, a ghost from another century in his long-tailed velvet wedding clothes, human only when he looked back to see that she was there. He moved fast, as if he knew his way. She stumbled over a half buried gravestone trying to keep up. An extravagantly untamed rose bush, all thorns and silvery dying leaves, caught her skirt. She stopped to pull it free and tangled her cloak in it too. He came back and yanked at the fabric himself, oblivious to the rip. He caught her arm then, keeping her beside him as he wound between the headstones. Her hem flapped heavily; her feet were soaked with cold dew by the time a wall loomed out of the fog. He turned and walked along it, dodging ancient graves, ducking around one big monument where angels with broken and chipped wingtips gazed down on mossy epitaphs. Maddy could hear traffic beyond the wall, street vendors and the city, a weird contrast to the dank silhouettes and wet stones in the burial place. Another forbidding priestly custom, marking graves and setting monuments: she far preferred the Friends' clean and open ground where no spirits seemed to linger. Jervaulx brought them to a corner. He walked right into it, beating back the wet branches of an overgrown tree, revealing a stone coffin in the fresh clearing. He stepped up onto it, crushing leaves beneath his feet, and held out his hand to Maddy. This was a boy's trick, that much she recognized. He knew the place, retained some map of childhood mischief through the fog and weedy grass. When she had climbed up onto the gravestone, he hauled himself atop the wall, straddling it, unmindful of the embroidery on his coattails or the heavy medallion that hung from the sash across his chest. He offered his arm to support her. Maddy wavered, looked back. He made an impatient noise, reaching for her. Foliage clashed and rustled somewhere in the graveyard far behind. Cousin Edward called, but if it was distant or near, she couldn't tell. The duke's hand closed on her cloak, her arm, a painful coercion as he dragged her up. In a wild and undignified scramble, she made it astride the top. She perched there, the bricks scraping rough on her legs, pulling at her stockings. Her bonnet had come askew, giving her only a glimpse of how far down it was to the alley on the other side. She tried to settle the headpiece back into some semblance of order and keep her ankles under her skirt. Jervaulx leaned over and untied the string beneath her chin. He tossed the bonnet back into the burying ground, where the ties caught high up on a broken tree branch. He grinned. For a terrible reckless moment, she was certain that he was going to kiss her, plain peculiar Archimedea Timms, here atop this wall, with Larkin and Cousin Edward in pursuit, with her skirt up to her waist, with people in view in the street at the end of the narrow alley. He didn't. He hiked his leg over and dropped to the pavement. Maddy bit her lip as he lifted his arms for her. She hardly knew what she was doing. It had all happened too quickly to think, and here she was like some wild coalseller's daughter, with a duke reaching for her to take her down to an alley that smelled of chamberpots and puddles. "Go!" she whispered. "Go! I won't let them find thee." He pulled at her skirt, stretched up and yanked her hand, hauling her off balance. She fought and toppled, biting a shriek to a whimper as the bricks scratched raw across her palms and thighs. He caught her, his chin connecting sharply with her temple in the force of her drop. Maddy stumbled and they went down together, Jervaulx falling back against the building, exhaling a hard grunt, his shoulder a cushion between her forehead and the unforgiving wall. She pushed herself upright to her knees, her palms on his coat. He did kiss her then, sitting in the dank alley: a short, painful grind of his mouth on hers, holding her to him with his hand behind her head. Maddy broke away. She stood up. Her dress was in shambles, her bonnet gone, her hair half-down and her hands bleeding... and he was smiling at her, which brought her near to weeping. He rose, brushing down one side of his coat, ignoring the damp leaves that clung to the other. With one hand, he attempted to unpin the silver starburst on his sash, then gave it up with an annoyed mutter. He looked slipshod, like one of those noblemen who wove their way home at dawn, singing, while good modest people swept their front steps and carried out the ashes. "What now?" She couldn't keep the quaver from her voice. "Go where?" He put his hand up to her hair, pushing ineffectually at the part that hung untidy. Maddy gave a huff and caught up the fallen braid, searching out the loose pin and coiling it all back into place as well as she could. As she worked, he dusted at her skirt, walking around her and plucking leaves from her cloak as well. The water stains and rip were beyond help—her best steel-gray—and she was going to be rebuked, possibly punished, probably cast out of Friends and sent to prison for abducting the Duke of Jervaulx. Maddy didn't know what to do with him. She couldn't take him back; it was impossible to let them send him to Blythedale again, immoral to see him forced into marriage for his title. Clearly it wasn't God's will that he wed Anne Trotman, the words had been there before, but when the time had come Jervaulx couldn't say them—a more obvious Truth than that Maddy couldn't imagine. But what measure she ought to follow at the present moment was beyond her power to divine. The duke simply took her arm on his, appropriating the decision. With an autocratic determination, he drew her with him, walking out of the alley and into the street. Lacking her bonnet, Maddy pulled her hood up over her bare head and still felt baldly conspicuous with Jervaulx on the open curb. She didn't recognize the street, never having ventured into Mayfair. The buildings stretched both ways into the fog, not as elegant as Jervaulx House or the new homes in Belgrave Square but still far above anything Maddy had ever been accustomed to. The scent of roasting apples drifted on the mist, their vendor only a disembodied voice, a woman's musical cry. Her call was lost in the echo of horses' hooves as two carriages came down the street with liveried servants on the box and up behind. The coaches passed on. Another vehicle came out of the fog, the single lame cab horse clopping forlornly toward them along the cobbles. Shouts began to resonate from the unseen corner in the direction of the church. Jervaulx turned his head, his fingers going tight on her arm. He stepped into the street in the path of the hackney. The horse threw up its head. "Ho there!" the driver cried, jerking the reins as if the poor animal had not already halted of its own accord. "Mind your lady, fine sir!" The man looked over his shoulder at the commotion in the fog behind and then back at Maddy and Jervaulx. "Can I carry m'lord and m'lady?" he inquired, without much expectation. "Fast as lightning, comfortable too." He looked rather startled when Jervaulx reached for the door, but clambered down from the perch in an instant, helping in the duke after Maddy, showering them with compliments as the yelling and the sound of running feet grew louder in the misty street. The cabman glanced in that direction, and then back at Jervaulx. "Where to, m'lord?" The duke squeezed Maddy's hand so hard that she gasped. She caught her breath, and said, "Chelsea. No!" Not there, people knew her there. A voice shouted up the street; she had no time to think. "Oh—hurry!" She seized on the first faraway locale that came into her head. "Ludgate Hill!" "John Spring'll have you there in a blink, and so you'll see!" He slammed the door, and in a moment she heard him snap his whip at the mournful horse. They rattled at a great pace away from the pursuit, the sound of it lost instantly in the creak and grind of the shabby coach. Maddy dropped her head back against the squabs. "We should not. We should not!" She put her hand to her mouth. "Oh—hast thou any money?" Jervaulx didn't respond, only gripped the strap with a frown, a look of strained bewilderment in his eyes as if he didn't comprehend her, as if his own actions had gone beyond his mastery. "Money!" she exclaimed, hardly able to contain her distress. He glanced at her with a hot uncertainty. Maddy gave a little moan. "I don't even have a shilling in my shoe!" "Shoe," he said, one of his reflexive repetitions. He made an aggravated sound, turned from her with a scowl. The hackney took a corner, jostling them together in a bump and rattle of wheels. He propped his foot on the opposite seat and braced her with his shoulder. Abruptly, he laughed. "Maddygirl." He leaned over and tore the buckle from his formal slipper. "Money." In Ludgate Hill, outside the mercers' and drapers' shops, amid the screeching roar of iron-wheeled traffic, Maddy had to explain to the cabman as he leaned in the door. "We must sell this," she said, handing it across Jervaulx, "and then we can pay thy fare. I'm so sorry to make thee tarry." The driver held the sparkling buckle, turning it over in his fingerless gloves. A flock of pigeons took wing from the sidewalk at the sudden peal of the bells of St. Paul's, clapping upward into the sooty fog. "You're running away, ain't you, ladyship?" Maddy moistened her lips, aghast at his intuition. "I'm not a ladyship! Thou must not call me so." "I heard 'em after ye, back there west. You talk peculiar. You one o' them sort—how do they say it?" "Friends," Maddy said faintly. "A Quaker." He looked up at Jervaulx. "You going to marry her for real, then, m'lord? John Spring don't hold with no carrying off." The duke said nothing. His confusion had vanished; he only seemed haughty, sullen in his silence. He fixed the cab driver with a look of disinterested scorn. "Thou art mistaken," Maddy said. "We aren't to marry." "Ought to," the driver grumbled. "Ought to make 'im do right by you, m'lady." "It isn't—" She broke off. There was no use trying to explain. "Dost thou know a shop where I may sell it?" "Those three balls hung over the door yonder, that's a pawnbroker's sign. You stay here, m'lady, if you please, so I know m'lord 'll be back with me fare." "No. I must go. The—" She almost called Jervaulx by his title, then thought better of it. "He will wait." She gathered her skirt in preparation to get down. Jervaulx plucked the buckle from the cabman's hand. Before Maddy could prevent him, he climbed down from the coach. She scrambled after, but the driver caught her arm as she reached the pavement. "One of you stays right here, m'lady," he said. "No! He shouldn't go alone. He can't—" The duke was already amid the crowd, ignoring both the driver and Maddy's protest, avoiding a donkey that trundled past with two rush baskets of coals hung across its back. He turned in the direction opposite from the pawnshop, up the hill toward the cathedral. "Thou must let me go!" Maddy stood on tiptoe, dreading to lose sight of him. "I have to go with him!" Though he stood out, tall even bareheaded, his black hair and the blue sash across his coat easy to descry amid the everyday pedestrians, at any moment he must vanish from sight in the swarm. "Nay—do you think he'll abandon you so easy, m'lady?" As she craned anxiously, the driver pointed after Jervaulx. "Look there. Right into Number 32, me fine lordship," said John Spring in satisfaction. "Rundell and Bridge it is." Christian stopped just inside the jewelers' door. The assistant who had ushered him across the threshold seemed to recognize him, bowing from the waist with a stream of soft greeting. It was all familiar; Christian came here with some frequency—he remembered an emerald bracelet, a set of earrings to match; who had that been for? A partner came instantly from the inner precincts. Christian acknowledged the man, unable to recall his name, not needing it. Words were unnecessary. Normally he would have been escorted to a private room to view velvet trays and rainbow fire at his leisure, something he liked, but had no time for now. He could not afford to linger here where he was known. He laid his buckles on the counter. There was a little pause. The assistant faded backward into obscurity. The partner, well fed and courteous, his cheeks completely hidden behind tall collar-points, gave no indication of surprise. He went around the counter, felt in his pocket, and pulled out a tiny magnifier. Christian watched the evaluation of the brilliants, which was short and professional. The jeweler laid down the buckle. "Hd three hunded cepul t'grace?" Three hundred was an outrageous overpayment, the pair couldn't have been worth more than half that together. Christian frowned, afraid he had not understood it right. He fought down alarm, choked it in ice. "Three twent five," the man said. He smiled. "Yugrace been good tus. Ledus taportunty showsteem return." The assistant came round the corner of the counter, returning a tray of rings to their drawer. Golden curves, set neat row after neat row. The brief display caught Christian's eye, distracted him. The partner made a questioning murmur. Christian realized that he'd drifted. He covered it with a quick autocratic nod, agreeing to the price. The rings disappeared into their slotted drawer. Wedding rings. The assistant lifted the key on a string round his neck and unlocked another tray. The partner leaned a little across toward Christian. "Cred grace," he asked in a very soft voice, "caspaint?" The low tone, the question—Christian didn't understand. He felt befuddled, facing the man's expectant confidentiality. In an appallingly long pause, he clung to his ice remoteness, refused to lean close or acknowledge the question, tried to think it through. The merchandise examined, the bargain struck, then... what? They would pay him. Credit or cash payment. Yes. His heart accelerated. He could think of no way to respond. He gripped the edge of the counter—then put his white-gloved hand on top. He opened it, palm up. "Ver'good." The partner nodded. "Moment." He took up the buckles and went briskly toward the back rooms. Christian watched the assistant at his work. The new tray went down the counter to a man and a young woman in a plain gray dress. And as Christian was standing there with his jaw clamped, his heart pounding, spying on some country couple who murmured solemnly over their meager purchase, it came to him. A revelation, an answer that had been making its way through his numb and wayward brain for longer than he'd even known himself. Maddy. It was Maddygirl he should marry. The clarity of it, the beauty, burst on him in perfect glory. Maddygirl would never let them send him back, Maddygirl could understand him; she didn't humiliate him; her father was a talented geometer, she was devoted and loyal—look at the way she'd come with him, even if it had been under a certain amount of force, a very little. She'd come almost of her own accord—ye Gods, he'd even seen her stand up, and damned well, to the she-dragon. And she had said she loved him. He thought she'd said that. He was almost certain. Maddygirl deserved to be a duchess. It had been a great mistake of nature to make her a thee-thou sugar scoop bonnet. The partner returned with a slim leather book. He laid it on the counter, circumspect, no sign of banknotes, but Christian knew what it was. He felt urgent, anxious to escape—with an effort he governed his impulse to snatch it up and flee. Instead he went to the ring tray, made a slight bow of apology to the young lady, pulled a ring from its velvet rest, and brought it back to the jeweler. The partner smiled his affluent smile. He started to take back the money book. Christian clapped his hand over it. "Billen, course." The jeweler never blinked. "Led jurgrace box." He took up the ring, leaving the book untouched. Christian slipped the leather wallet into his pocket. He hated the taste of this—a thief with his own money. He felt his control breaking. A skulking, escaped animal, Chancery lunatic, with no right to sell his shoe buckles, to purchase a ring for his future wife. The partner returned with the box. Christian accepted it. They ushered him out as if he were real, still the Duke of Jervaulx. Still a man and not a beast. When he returned to the street, he felt dazed, sluggish; his whole body felt like terror trapped inside lethargy. He walked a little way along the pavement, then stopped and leaned on the wall. The crowds flowed past, confusing and loud—alien gibber, horrible mindless sound that should have been sense. The ice calm of the episode deserted him; late reaction sent his heart thudding with dread—he might not have done it right, he might have forgotten something, he didn't know; it was all forbidding and strange; what might have happened, how he might have given himself away, made himself ridiculous, put himself in their power to seize and restrain. He heard Maddy call him. He heard his name through the disorder—Jervaulx—solid dear plain no manners Maddygirl, her hands on his arms, her eyes—sherry eyes, decadent gold—looking up into his, full of fear and question. He drew in a hard breath, mastering panic. He manufactured a grin. Without looking down, he fumbled the book of banknotes from his pocket and pushed them into her hands.
Maddy had not ever had so much money at once in her possession. She held the wallet in both hands as they walked, afraid to tuck it into her dress. The hundreds of pounds made this preposterous flight seem all too credible—an immediate return became choice, not necessity. After she'd paid the driver, Jervaulx had looked at her as if she knew what they ought to do. He kept his hand gripped firmly on her elbow, a strange mixture of dependence and protection. With the duke beside her, none of the barrow boys shouted at her that she stopped the way, no quarrelsome pedestrian pushed her into the muddy street rather than give up an inch of space to pass. He was broadshouldered and imperial, and his eyes were the blue spirit of bewilderment—a disquietude like looking into the sky at the last of twilight, straight overhead to a single star, when comfortable illusion vanished and the solid roof of the sky dissolved to betray its real and dizzy distance. She felt as if her whole solid world had evaporated in that way; it was hard to conceive that Archimedea Timms was standing in the teeming footway on Ludgate Hill trying to decide what was to be done with the Duke of Jervaulx, since he did not appear to have any notion what to do with himself. She'd begun to walk, having no better idea. A safe haven, that was what she must find for him. No matter the reprisal that faced her, she had to get back to Papa by evening—he would be frantic that she had disappeared with the duke. She had no clear idea of what broken laws and criminal acts she might be taxed with, but Lady de Marly would be sure to know them all. Maddy was certain of that. For herself, she thought with a rather tenuous bravery, she didn't mind so very much—Jervaulx was her Opening, after all, and any Sufferings that came with him must be borne—but she was afraid of what might become of her papa if she were to be sent to prison. The pressure of his hand pulled her to a stop. Just in front of them, on the loud blast of a horn, a day coach for Brighton clattered out from beneath the sign of the Belle Sauvage, wheeling into the street with the guard blowing enthusiastically for right-of-way. As soon as it passed, disappearing into the shifting screen of traffic and black mist, Jervaulx drew her toward the inn yard gate. Beneath the passageway, a stableboy wielded a deft rake, scooping dirt and droppings from their path, skipping backwards with a quick muttered salute as they passed. Travelers stood about inside the yard, waiting next to their trunks and valises and piles of bundled belongings. Another coach was loading, the yellow-and-black for Newmarket, the horses fresh, rattling their shoes against the cobbles and blowing frost. Jervaulx went directly to the booking office. He handed Maddy in the door, with a little extra push as if she might need encouragement. The crowd inside around the desk barely admitted two more. Even as outlandishly as Maddy and the duke were dressed, no one paid the least mind, the clerks too busy flinging brown-paper parcels into the tower of pigeonholes behind the desk, the customers calling out questions or trying to engage the attention of some porter. He pulled her into a tight corner, turned his back on the gathering and leaned over to her ear. "Go," he said, not achieving an actual whisper, but it hardly mattered in the common racket. Maddy looked at him. "Where?" The question appeared to exasperate him. "Go," he repeated. "Two." "Not I," she said firmly. A lady with a pair of little girls on her arms edged past behind him, working her way to the end of the shortest queue. Jervaulx put his hand on Maddy's shoulder. "Two," he insisted. "I cannot." His fingers pressed into her. "Home. Shere—" He clenched his jaw with effort. "—voh!" It didn't seem an entirely absurd notion, except that she had no idea where his home might be, or whether he could travel there alone—without being tagged, like a child or a trunk, or an idiot, which was vision enough to chill her. And his home would be no protection from his family's power to send him back to Blythedale. "Home," he urged. "Maddygirl." "Where is it?" she asked. "Where?" That seemed to foil him. He scowled, released her and turned her around bodily. On the wall she'd been leaning against were posting bills and a shellacked and yellowing tourist's map of England, the varnish in the vicinity of London rubbed through and cracking from all the wear. He put his hand on a part of the map that had hardly deteriorated at all, far to the west, where the green of England met the red of Wales. "No! Thou canst not go that distance alone." He caught her shoulders again. She felt him move closer against her back, almost an embrace. He pressed his cheek to her hood, dislodging it from covering her hair, and made a sound of insistence. He wrapped his arms around her and held her back against him, right there amid the stagecoach passengers. "Two," he said in her ear. "Home." She tried to scramble away, but he wouldn't allow it. He let her turn, then trapped her there against the map and the wall. She hardly knew what to do. Some of the customers were looking at them. She imagined their shock and censure, what they must think of her in a torn skirt and no bonnet, locked in a man's arms. He leaned his mouth next to her ear. "Maddygirl... wed." Several more customers walked into the room, brushing close behind Jervaulx. One of them kept on his hat, the broad-brimmed, unmistakable insignia of a Quaker. Maddy ducked her head in horror. She hadn't caught sight of who it was, but any visiting Friend with business here might know her from Yearly Meeting, and all too many from London itself would know her very well. She buried her face in Jervaulx's shoulder for concealment. He caught her close, with a soft, willing murmur in his throat. She did not dare look up. She didn't struggle. He was a shield against discovery, large and solid enough to hide safely behind—if only he would not slip his hand up beneath her hood that way, brushing it fully back and wrapping his fingers round the nape of her neck, pulling her closer yet, resting his face against her hair. She couldn't imagine that everyone in the room didn't turn and gasp and point in condemnation. But the normal sound of business went on about them, the clump of shoes passing in and out the door, the porters' calls, the Newmarket coach's horn as the team turned into the street. His hand slipped from her waist. She felt him work at something in his coat; all the while she did not venture to lift her head and risk being seen. He groped for her hand and pressed a small box into it. Maddy held the container, keeping her head down, looking a little to the side to try to see if the unknown Friend had departed yet. Jervaulx made her turn her hand over. With an impatient mutter, he pushed his thumb awkwardly against the box in her palm. The lid opened. Hiding as she was, her face lowered, she saw gold and multicolored fire. A ring—a wide filigree band with seed pearls around a vivid opal—for Anne Trotman? He fumbled at it one handed, got his forefinger halfway through the ring, and let the box fall. In this small corner, with their heads lowered together, they created a tiny private world. Maddy watched in perplexity as he worked the ring around into his hand, and then tried to slide it onto her finger. "Wed." He put his lips against her ear. "Maddy... wed. Home." She stared at the ring, at his fingers as he pushed it forcibly onto hers. "No!" She pulled the opal free and stooped to retrieve the box, yanking her hood firmly over her head. "Thou art—it is not—no! However didst thou invent such a scheme?" She shoved the box into his palm and turned. With the hood clasped close to her face, she forced her way through the press of travelers and hurried into the yard. Outside, she rushed a few feet from the door and stopped, her face burning. She held her hood over her mouth and nose. The duke came out of the office door. She was in plain sight, but he didn't seem to see her. He halted, a bizarrely splendid gentleman amid the ordinary surroundings: a lost courtier, rich with velvet and heavy embellishment, with his royal blue sash and medallion, lost in more than place and time. People turned to look at him. Maddy saw the rigid unease in his stance. He stood immobile where he'd stopped, as if one step in any direction might be into a cavern that opened at his feet. His jaw was tight, his dark brows drawn down. Arrested force, alone and alien. He scanned the yard. Maddy was quite close to him, within a touch of his right hand, and yet she might have been one of the pieces of baggage scattered in piles about the court. He didn't even look her way. He only radiated high-strung tension, a spiraling stillness—a man ready to splinter. She said his name, muffled behind the cloak. His bearing changed. He turned toward her as if she'd broken a spell, the release like a bright flame in his face. It seemed to startle him that she was so close; he took an aggressive step and moved to catch her by both arms. "Not... leave!" he said savagely. "'Lone... can't! Stay. You... stay!" "I don't know what to do with you!" Maddy bit down on the woollen hood as she held it to her mouth. "I can't stay with you! I can't take you back!" "Sher—" He put his palms against her shoulders and gave her a sharp push. "—voh!" He gave her another, making her take a step back. "Home." A push. "Marry"—push—"Maddy"—push—"girl!"—push—"Yes!" Under his coercion, she was progessing unevenly backward across the yard. "Not... mad... place! Marry... Maddy!" "No!" she said, then sucked in a panicked breath and twitched her hood as far she could over her face to conceal herself. In somber hat and plain coat, the Quaker from the ticket office approached them. Maddy peered from inside her hood as the stranger laid a hand on Jervaulx's arm. "Think a moment, Friend. Thou are importunate." Jervaulx gave him a look as if the man had just spit in his face. For a vibrating instant, she was afraid that he would turn and strike out, the way he'd done to Cousin Edward. The Quaker was only a medium-sized man, no older than Maddy herself—clean shaven and clear-eyed, no one whom she recalled seeing before. A good man, courageous to confront Jervaulx, who was so clearly angry and an aristocrat, with nothing insignificant about him, either in conduct or in build. The duke shook off the restraining hand. He looked hotly at Maddy, as if expecting her to explain. "I thank thee, Friend," she said quickly, anxious to placate Jervaulx. "But I need no help." The Quaker gave her a startled glance. Maddy felt her heart drop. "Thou are in the Life?" he asked. She looked at the ground. Wicked lies sprang to her lips, immoral deceptions to retrieve the mistake that had revealed her to another Friend more clearly than a Quaker bonnet and Plain Dress would have done. But she could not; he was no threat to Jervaulx, it was only to save her own stature in front of one of her fellow members. She barely lifted her eyes. "I am." Jervaulx grasped her elbow. It was a silent touch, not harsh, but firm. He watched the Quaker warily. "He doesn't bedevil thee?" the man asked. He met Jervaulx's look. "I'd not suffer thee to lift a hand against her. Will thou compose thyself and walk peaceful?" It was a quiet inquiry, almost kind. Maddy felt a surge of gratitude and affinity. This man seemed an island of sense in a storm of uncertainty, so much more familiar in his broad plain hat and simple coat, so much more trustworthy than an incalculable, angry stranger in velvet and medallion and royal sash. The Quaker appeared troubled at Jervaulx's lack of response. "Thou will not answer as an honest man?" Jervaulx's grip on her arm grew painful. Maddy touched the Quaker's rough broadcloth sleeve. "Friend," she said softly, ignoring Jervaulx's increasing pressure on her arm, his silent attempt to pull her from the newcomer's range. She was forming a new purpose. "I spoke idle words in haste, to say that I need not thy help." She lifted her eyes to the level, steady inquiry in the young man's gaze. "I'm in true want of aid. Canst thou give assistance?" "Surely," he said—a single word that lifted a thousand pounds from Maddy's shoulders. While Jervaulx sat disposed in an attitude of majestic disapproval, his chair pushed away from a table in the public dining parlor, his legs outstretched, his arms crossed over starburst and sash, Maddy bent close to the young Quaker and related her difficulty. Richard Gill took a sip of ale and looked thoughtfully at the duke when she'd finished. Jervaulx, brooding and defiant, glared back beneath his black lashes. He had not wished to come into the dining room; he'd tried to prevent her, but when Maddy refused to be held back, he'd followed, not allowing her to move a step beyond his immediate reach. He didn't speak, and Maddy couldn't tell how much he understood of what she said to Richard Gill, but his whole demeanor was of betrayed dignity, as if she offended him with this new connection. Richard remained silent, a somber and thinking pause. Maddy waited, glad to be again with a person who was not so quick with words or action but took time to consider. She was content to bide in Richard's contemplation. The young Friend was handsome, with composed moves and a resolute air that invited confidence. His strong face suited the deep-brimmed hat and unadorned coat better than did many a solemn elder's. Maddy was certain he'd never attended London Yearly Meeting, where Friends met to conduct their annual business and query the smaller Quarterly and Monthly meetings as to their spiritual state. Yearly Meeting gathered Quaker families together from all over England. She would have recalled it if Richard Gill had been a delegate. It didn't require direct attendance at Men's Meeting for all the women to know who was prominent and who was not—and who was unmarried and who was not. It was axiomatic that if a young woman wished to wed, her best course was to attend London Yearly Meeting, where one of the chief duties of the Meeting of Women Friends there was to look into hopeful couples' clearness for marriage—a process that naturally lent itself to appraisal and ordering by their suitability of the other eligible bachelors in attendance. Richard Gill, Maddy was quite certain, had not yet been brought to the attention of Women's in any regard, nuptial or otherwise. She was not quite certain what his business must be. He'd come to the coach office to retrieve a sturdy small box that he seemed heedful to manage with great care. It sat now on the table beside him, labeled with a series of circles designated by such curious titles as "Claudiana, 4th row, rose," "Trafalgar Banner, 1st row, byblomen," and "Duke of Clarence, 4th row, bizard." The waiter brought beefsteak pudding and boiled cabbage. Jervaulx made a face at it. He drank deeply of his ale while Maddy busied herself buttering three slices of bread, serving out portions for each of them. She bowed her head for a moment of blessing. Richard removed his hat. Jervaulx did nothing at all, just watched them malevolently, slouched with crossed arms in his chair. Richard put on his hat again and began to eat his pudding. Maddy didn't know many young men who kept so strictly to Plain Speech and Dress. She admired him for it. She wished that she might have appeared in a more neat and proper guise herself, instead of lacking her bonnet, and with her skirt torn. She glanced at Jervaulx. He wasn't eating. He was watching her—and as cleanly handsome as Richard Gill might be, the duke was more, shadow and connection to her—his fine mouth that had kissed hers, his hands that had caressed her hair. She flushed, feeling a liar and pretender. She had represented Jervaulx as her patient, herself as his nurse. The appearance of it struck her with strong effect—what nurse would run away with a patient against his family's wishes? What nurse would let herself be kissed? What would Richard Gill think of her if he knew? And not to tell him—it was one of those lies of silence and omission. It was not walking in the Way, not at all. "Thou don't think him mad?" Richard asked. He startled Maddy with his sudden speech. She looked up. "No." "He does not seem raving. But he pushed thee, in the yard." She broke a piece of bread, with a tiny wry smile. "He's a duke. It's not the same as madness, quite." Richard ate another bite. "That is what dukes do?" He lifted his brows. "Push?" "That is the least of what this one will do." At his little distance from the table, Jervaulx tilted his head and looked bored. He flicked a glance from Maddy to Richard, lifted his ale and drank. "He doesn't understand?" Richard asked. "I don't know. Some, I think." "Thou ought to take him back to his family." Maddy sat up a little. "No." Jervaulx looked at her. The tedium left his manner. "It isn't thy place to keep him away, if they wish him to live retired. He belongs to his own, not to thee." "No. His family doesn't understand. They don't know what 'tis like there." "It is thy cousin's house?" "It's a madhouse. He is not mad!" "He doesn't speak. How is he to live in the world alone?" She pulled her cloak close around her. "Not alone. He can't live alone." "How, then? Has he no friends but thee?" "I—" Maddy stopped, realizing that she didn't know. She looked to Jervaulx. "A friend?" she asked. "Hast thou a near companion?" He looked from her to Richard and back again warily. "No," she said, "I don't mean Quaker. A friendship. Of thine. A companion." He hesitated. Then he held out his hand to her. "Jervaulx!" Despair crept into her voice. "Is there not one friend who loves thee?" His hand closed. His great golden signet gleamed against his fingers. He gave Richard a baleful look, settling back in the chair. "Perhaps—Jervaulx... thou wouldst remain with him?" She nodded toward the Quaker. "With Richard Gill?" "Archimedea—" Richard began. "Only until I can go back and tell Papa I'm well," she said hastily. "If thou wouldst only stop here with him for a little while. A few hours." "It isn't the stopping. It is that he ought to go back." "I can't take him back!" she cried, leaning forward. "Thou canst not understand!" Jervaulx watched her intensely. His right fist worked in rhythm. He closed his left around the tankard of ale, but did not drink. "Please," she said to Richard Gill. Small lines of unhappiness marked the Quaker's brow. She saw the misgiving in his lucid gray eyes. "Please," she whispered. "Wilt thou not make it thy Concern?" It was a plea that no Friend could take lightly. Richard frowned down at his meal. He closed his eyes. Maddy waited, pleading with God to speak to him, knowing that it was wrong to do so, to beg that her own self-will prevail, but unable to help herself. She couldn't take Jervaulx back—that was the only Truth she knew for certain; it was simply impossible to imagine him again in the cell at Blythedale Hall. Richard let go of a deep breath and looked at her. "I will make it my Concern. I will consider further if he should go back." She hardly knew whether that meant he would wait here with the duke or not, but before she could ask, Jervaulx thumped his ale down on the table. He stood, kicking his chair away, and jerked Maddy up from hers. "Back," he exclaimed, with energy burning in his eyes. Then he gritted his teeth and said, "Friend!" He hauled her with him, his grip more than she could break. She heard Richard utter something behind them, saw the waiter come hurrying up to block him at the table as Jervaulx propelled her toward the door with unswerving force. Maddy fought him, trying to turn back. Jervaulx overmatched her easily, with more strength than she'd ever realized he could command. When she tried to plant her feet, he dragged her off them. She wrenched free, but Jervaulx grabbed her again, his arm around her neck, forcing her ruthlessly with him. His hold locked as she twisted away, his fingers digging hard into the skin at her nape, catching stray hairs. She yelped. "Jervaulx! Richard! I can't—help me!" She had a whirling glimpse of Richard and the waiter, and then lost them, stumbling out the front door under Jervaulx's propulsion, half-falling down the step among the pedestrians. "Friend!" Jervaulx ejaculated, plowing ahead with her. "Durm!" He stopped a hackney in the same way he'd stopped one before—by walking right into the street in front of it. As the horse half-reared, its hooves striking the pavement inches from his feet, the driver shouted and another cab swerved. Jervaulx grabbed the animal's bridle. "Alban!" he yelled, with the horse in one hand and Maddy in the other. "Jehu Christ! All right, Albany, ye blinkin' madman!" the driver shouted. "Let me horse loose, then, and get you inside!" A paved and covered walkway led into the mist, materializing ahead of them and vanishing behind as they walked between the double rows of long, pale-cream buildings off Picadilly. The duke's footsteps echoed in the quiet; the place seemed deserted at mid-morning, except for a single bootblack hurrying past with a box and a pair of shoes in his hands. Maddy had given up resisting. She ceased trying to do anything but keep pace with Jervaulx. He would not let her go or allow her to lag behind. They passed another servant, a little potbellied man in a red waistcoat who stepped aside, bowed to the duke and murmured, "Your Grace." Without a pause, Jervaulx turned into a stone staircase and went up two floors with Maddy. A dog began to bark before he even touched the door. Another took up the chorus. Jervaulx froze with his hand lifted. "Devil." His lips pulled back in a fierce grin. His fist came down, pounding. The dogs on the other side went reckless with extravagant noise. "Devil, devil, devil!" "Good God, hold your row!" A muffled voice yelled from somewhere far inside. On a lower landing, another door opened. Maddy looked down to see a curious face lifted, an elderly man in a dressing robe and nightcap. The dogs scraped savagely at the door. The staircase resonated with barks and Jervaulx's pounding knock. The voice from inside tried to quiet them. "Here, Cass; here, you worthless cur; shut up, shut up—they'll make me shoot you for certain." Jervaulx stopped banging abruptly, leaning on the door, his cheek against it as if it were solid ground to a drowning sailor. The dogs went on barking while the latch turned. The door opened to a swarm of white and black fur, pink tongues and plumed tails, as the two dogs threw themselves onto Jervaulx. Maddy looked beyond them to the blond, drowsy-eyed man who stood in the entrance hall, bare chested and in stocking feet, a scrap of shaving soap still spread on his jaw. The barking ceased as the dogs plunged and pressed themselves over Jervaulx. The duke knelt, spread his arms and let them lick his face and scrabble their paws in his hair. "Shev?" the man in the doorway said, as if he'd just been woken from a sound sleep. Maddy glanced at the elderly eavesdropper on the landing below, who was still looking up and leaning a little to get a better view. "May we come inside?" she asked. The blond man had been staring at Jervaulx and the dogs. He glanced at Maddy, seemed to come all at once awake, and stepped back. "Ye gods," he said. That was all, but he threw his shaving towel over his shoulder and reached to urge the duke within. Jervaulx went, the dogs twining themselves lovingly round his legs. Maddy stepped quickly inside and shut the door behind her. Their host, still dumbfounded, followed them into the sitting room. "Shev," he said. Jervaulx crossed the room and leaned his hands on the windowsill, looking out into the mist. Then he turned around, his back to the wall with his dogs pressing ecstatic bodies against him. Some severe emotion came into his face; he closed his eyes and slid down to sit on the floor. The black-and-white setter licked his ear. He put his arm round the dog and buried his face in the silky white coat. The black one whined and tried to push between them. "I thought—oh, God, man—they said you were dying. As good as dead. They gave me the dogs." The disheveled gentleman strode to Jervaulx, then didn't seem to know what to do when he got there. He fell to his knees. "Shev," he said helplessly. Jervaulx didn't lift his face. He shook his head, his fingers buried in Devil's coat. The blond man turned to look up at Maddy. "What is it? They told me he was dying. What's happened?" "Thou art his friend?" "Certainly I'm his friend! He don't have a better! Out with it, woman—have you got claws into him some way or other?" He looked back at Jervaulx. "Christ—is it opium?" "He needs thy assistance." "What assistance? Who are you?" "My name is Archimedea Timms. He was a patient at my cousin's asylum in Buckinghamshire. I had charge of him there. We are—" She made a little foolish laugh and spread her hands. "I suppose we have broke bounds, and are run away." The man pushed back a tousled blond forelock. He sat on his heels. "Shev," he said again, in that baffled voice. The duke raised his head. His eyes were midnight dark, full of moisture. With an angry, abashed move, he raised his arm and wiped one side of his face on his sleeve. "Friend," he said hoarsely. "Dnnh. Dunnrm." He leaned his head back against the wall with a groan. "Durm?" Maddy said. "Is that thy name?" "Durham," the blond man said, and added absently, "Kit Durham, at your service, ma'am." Jervaulx looked at his friend. Devil put a nose to his cheek and temple, wriggling in delight. Jervaulx hugged the animal. "Drrm... thank," he said. "Thank... dogs." Durham stared at him. Jervaulx made another anguished sound and shook his head, pushing air between his teeth. "Right. Dogs. Nothing to it." Durham stood up, set a chair. "Get off the floor, old fellow. Got to think. Can't think with you on the floor, Shev." Maddy thought the resumption of normality a good thing. Jervaulx had a very strange expression—he was on the edge of shattering. He wouldn't like his friend to see him beyond control. "Perhaps thou ought to finish dressing," she suggested to Durham, hoping to give the duke a moment to compose himself in privacy. "Oh good God—" Durham began a hasty retreat. "My apologies. I beg your pardon, ma'am—forgot myself! Wasn't expecting—a lady, that is. You stay right there, Shev! Don't leave!" "We won't leave," Maddy said. Durham blinked at her, as if it kept surprising him that she spoke instead of Jervaulx. He backed into the other room and slammed the door. Having disdained cabbage and beefsteak, Jervaulx seemed quite content to share Durham's breakfast of salmon and fresh oysters with bread and lemon. Without asking what he'd like, Durham sent his servant—the same potbellied man who'd spoken to the duke outside—back to the kitchen for chocolate instead of coffee to drink. Jervaulx sat sipping at the steaming dark liquid and feeding tidbits to the dogs while his friend interrogated Maddy. As they talked, the duke watched them through the vapors from his cup, an unruffled satisfaction in his expression. He seemed to feel that he had done all that could be done, and was satisfied to leave any further decisions in the hands of others. Durham, at least, had no doubts that Jervaulx ought to be protected from his family's intentions. "That loathsome old hellcat," was his succinct opinion of Lady de Marly, and his comment upon the duke's mother included words that Maddy had never even heard before. At best, she found his style of speech difficult to comprehend. She hesitated when he demanded whether she was certain that no one could touch on the drag from the church. "Drag?" she asked dubiously. "The scent. No one could find where you went?" "I shouldn't think so. We've been to Ludgate Hill and back in hackneys." "Ludgate Hill!" He gave a bark of laughter. "Good girl." He grinned at Jervaulx. "Who'd think of you pointing for a lot of drapers, eh?" The duke turned his head a little, smiling back. He took a sip of his chocolate. Maddy suspected that he understood less than she. "No one, take my word," Durham answered himself. "More likely they'd have at... Egad." He sprang out of his chair, pulling the curtains. "They'll come here. Mark!" He yelled into the next room. "Onto the stair with you! Keep a watch! I'm not at home. Tell 'em—I've gone early to 'Change." The servant bowed over his scarlet potbelly. "Sir. They won't believe me." "Hell's bells, can't a man make a purchase in the public funds? I just had—a bequest from my third cousin four times removed, that's the ticket. Six hundred pounds—but mind you, don't part with that morsel for less than half a crown." "What of the colonel, sir? Should I turn him off?" "Damn and blast—Fane! He'll be here any minute." Durham chewed his lip. "No percentage in it." He glanced at Maddy. "We can trust Fane. He'd never swallow the tale anyway—think I'd gone batty to put six hundred in funds. He won't have a noddy notion what to do; he ain't the thinking sort—but if you want a good sound fellow at your back, Andy Fane's your man." Maddy was pleased to have anyone at all at her back; Durham seemed a little flighty, but he clearly meant to help Jervaulx. She was about to mention her need to return to her papa when Jervaulx and Durham both glanced toward the window at the sound of an off-key whistle. The duke grinned and set down his cup. "Friend," he said to Maddy. "Beforehand, for once," Durham said, as a handsome clock on the mantel rang a set of melodious chimes. He ducked halfway into the entrance hall. "I'll send Mark down to bring him up quiet. The old General was in on that racket when you came in, wasn't he? We'll put it in his ear about the six hundred pounds." He frowned at Maddy. "You're my—ah—second cousin five times removed. Orphan. Came with the bequest. Orphan always comes with the bequest. Solicitor brought you, couldn't wait, had to catch the mail back to—somewhere. All that pounding to wake me up, right? Barking—his imagination. Dogs ain't allowed. Lord only knows how I've got by with it this long." He disappeared into the entryway. All these lies and deceptions made Maddy uncomfortable. Even if she weren't speaking them herself, she was participating. Richard Gill's steady, thoughtful gaze haunted her like a conscience—but against it was Jervaulx's clear joy in his friends, both Durham and the officer with the magnificent golden lace and bright facings on his uniform, who didn't say a word to the duke—just took him round the shoulders and pounded his back, and then shoved him away. The officer looked down and pushed Devil off his knee. "Knew he was too tedious to kill," he said to the dog. "Got a few more papers to write, what?" He gave Maddy a sideways squint. "Brought a girl along, too, wouldn't you know it?" "This is Miss—ah—" Durham left an expectant pause. "Timms," Maddy said. The soldier swept a bow, holding his sword back with one white-gloved hand and brushing her skirt with the tall white plume of his military hat. "Colonel Andrew Fane, at your service, my love." "Leave off, Fane. She's a Quaker." Colonel Fane looked startled. He stiffened his spine and put his heels together in a military manner, going quite red in the face. "I beg your pardon, ma'am! Miss? Then it's your fellow waiting out by the street, is it? One who wanted to know if—damn—asked about you, Shev—that was it! Didn't understand what the devil he was getting at, but I see it now. Wanted to know where to find the duke. What duke, says I. Got dukes by the score—" "Richard!" Maddy clapped her hand to her breast. "It will be Richard Gill." "Oh," said Colonel Fane. "However did he—" She bit her lip and turned to Durham. "He'll have followed us. I spoke to him—I asked him to help, and he said that he would... but—I'm not certain that he doesn't think I should take the duke back to his family." "He knows about it?" Durham demanded. "And he's out there now? Here? Lud, miss—why didn't you say?" "I didn't know. I never thought he could follow, or would. But—he's made it a Concern. I should have known that he wouldn't cast it off easily." "What the devil is going on?" the colonel demanded. "Get rid of that ridiculous thing you wear on your head and sit down." Durham yanked a chair from the table. "We're all gone to cover for Shev. Those harpies he's pleased to call a family want to put him away in a madhouse." "Say what?" "Tell him, Miss Timms. Shev needs us. You tell him what you told me."
"Can't talk?" Colonel Fane gave Jervaulx a look of comical incredulity. The duke returned a wintry smile. He stroked the black dog Cass. His mouth curled and hardened with brutal effort; his fingers dug into the black ruff. "Dumb... you." The officer appeared to comprehend this comment instantly. "I'm not dumb!" he protested. "Come along, Fane." Durham poured him coffee. "Everybody knows you're a block." "I am not dumb! Listen—who thought of selling Shev to the resurrection jarvey? Me." "And who had to go and pay his bail?" Colonel Fane grinned. "Kill him—" He smirked theatrically. "I say—" His lips puckered. "Kill him when—" He began to snicker. "Take a damper, you lobcock." Durham's face was a pink combination of disgust and pent-up amusement. "This is serious." "Kill him—" The colonel could no longer speak through wheezes of laughter. "I say, kill him—" "Kill him when you want him," Jervaulx said clearly. He grinned, leaning his chair back on two legs. Durham's smile faded in surprise—but Maddy caught his eye. He made no comment on the duke's speech. The colonel seemed to think nothing of it; he was chortling, banging one fist into his other palm. "Bless me, what a row that was, Miss Timms! Shev was right bosky, do you see—he was used up. Corned, pickled and salted—" "Comatose, Miss Timms," Durham explained gravely. "In strong drink." "Oh, yes, good Oxford word. Comatose!" The colonel seemed to find that description an uplifting one. "Perfectly senseless. And we was having to carry him home, y'see, between the two of us, and he weighs—'S blood, he must weigh fourteen stone! And who might drive by at the very moment but the one they call the resurrection jarvey—" "Night coachman. Sells bodies to the surgeons," Durham interpreted. "For anatomy lectures." "Right! So what should I think—and it was my idea entirely, I promise you, Miss—and the fellow took him, and—" Colonel Fane made an expressive revolution with his forefinger. "And, y'know—his clothes, we got those, and the fellow took him in a sheet to old Brooks! In Blenheim Street! Took him there, to the lecturer's door!" He leaned back his head and thumped the table. "And offered—and offered... him for... f'... sale!" The colonel lost the power of coherent utterance in his hilarity. Maddy had lost hers, too. She stared at the officer in scandalized shock. Colonel Fane spluttered into speech again. "An' the doctor 'xamines 'im—'n says—he says... 'You scoundrel—this fellow ain't—dead!'" She looked around at the others. Jervaulx and Durham were both watching Colonel Fane, grinning broadly in anticipation. "'N the jarvey says, 'Not dead?'" The colonel drew himself up in a semblance of affront. "'Not dead? Why then—sir... then, I say, sir... you must just... k—k—'" The other two joined in, harmonizing in sonorous unison, "'Kill him when you want him!'"—a chorus of deep masculine timbre, Jervaulx as fluent as the rest. He was chuckling, rocking back again with his legs outstretched. "Damn you," he said to the colonel. "Rob." "Oh, right—that was the upshot of it—poor old Shev, the doctor thinks 'tis a burglary attempt, a shot t' get into his house, and cries thief. The jarvey got clean away, but they tied up Shev and sent 'im to Marlborough Street, an' he laid there all night in a sheet, and half the morning, 'til Durham could get a solicitor out of the Old Bailey—to argue not to commit him. Duke of—" He began to lose his composure again. "Duke of... of Jervaulx, y'see—for attempt to roba... a... bone-house!" They all grew absurd at that, wiping eyes and sighing when the waves of mirth finally died down. Devil jumped up, his forelegs on the duke's lap. Jervaulx rubbed the dog's head vigorously between his hands. He slanted his pirate smile on Maddy, midnight blue and mischief. "So there you are, Miss Timms," the colonel said, with a self-satisfied groan. "It was all hushed up, but you have it from the horse's mouth." "I see," she said, unable to add more. "What a lark. I'm not dumb. No indeed. Lord bless us, what a lark." "Perhaps—thou might return to the duke's situation," she said. "Oh, yes. Right ho. The duke's situation. Got himself into another scrape, has he?" "Bear with us, Miss Timms," Durham said. "We keep Fane about for his muscle, not his brains. Do you think we ought to speak to this man Richard Gill? How much does he know of it? Could he bring the pursuit down on us here?" "I told him all that I've told thee." Durham poured another round, coffee for himself and the colonel, chocolate for Jervaulx and Maddy. "I've been considering. I think we've got a little time before they draw our cover. With no one likely to have seen you get away, it might be all morning before they decide to look beyond the streets about the chapel. Even if they think of me so soon, they'll do no more than send a query round, I'll wager—and Mark can fob that off all right. But for the long run, we must smuggle you both out of town." "Out of town? The duke—yes, I think that's excellently sensible. But I must return to my father." "Do you think it wise?" "It matters not if it's wise—I must." "Well. We'll think of a story then. You tried to keep up with the duke, but lost him." "But—" "That should satisfy even this Gill fellow, eh? Pressed upon by the horses and overran the scent. St. James's was his point, but you lost him among the thickets in Picadilly. Leave the rest to us—and a rare great lady you are, Miss Timms, for bringing him out of that fix, if I may be allowed the compliment." "I thank thee, but—I can't say those things," Maddy protested. "Why not?" "They are not true." "Of course they aren't true. Where would we be if you were to tell them the truth?" "I can't tell them falsehoods." Durham gave her a queer look. "You must, my dear. Just a small falsehood. A very white lie." "I can't. I can't lie." "You can't lie?" Colonel Fane echoed. He and Durham were gazing at her as if she were a disturbing illusion that had just crystallized out of the mist in front of them. "No," she said. She might have thought, wickedly, of deceiving Lady de Marly, perhaps even Cousin Edward—but she couldn't imagine lying to her father—or to Richard Gill, whose whole demeanor was a public testimony to walking in the Life. "It's not our way," she said helplessly. "I cannot do it." "But—what will you say, then?" She bit her lip. "If they ask me—I must answer truth." "You can't lie." Durham fixed her with a hard look. "Not even in this one case—to save a man's neck?" "It should be—what God wills. To lie is to make it my will. But... after I leave—thou canst take him away, and I can say truthfully that I don't know where he is." "Why, thank you. That leaves you quite in the clear, don't it? And when they ask you where you last saw him, I'll find myself hauled up before a magistrate." She lowered her eyes. "All right. Just... give me time to think. Let me think." He steepled his hands over his coffee cup. "You must go back directly. Why must you go back directly?" "My papa. He doesn't know what's become of me. He won't even know that I went with the duke of my own will. He might believe I've been hurt, or even—he might think anything!" "Right. Your father's worried about you. Where is he?" "He and my Cousin Edward are staying at the Gloucester Hotel." "There you are. We'll just arrange to slip a note under his door—tell him you're perfectly well, but can't come back at the moment. That's all true, ain't it?" "He can't read a note. He's lost his sight. And I don't know what he'd think to get a message like that from me. He'd be beside himself. Wouldn't thou be? And how can I not go back? Where else am I to go?" "Oh Lord," Durham said, and sighed. "Nothing is simple." He eyed her speculatively, rubbing his chin. The room fell silent, except for the occasional scrabble of the dogs' toenails as they shifted and pushed one another out the way, vying for the duke's attention. "Fane," Durham said abruptly, "make yourself useful. Go down and invite Mr. Gill in to luncheon." The colonel rose obediently, restoring his plumed hat firmly to his head. "And do make certain that he accepts," Durham added, with a lazy lift of his brows. Colonel Fane bowed, imposing in his uniform and tall plume, his hand resting casually on the gold-and-silver hilt of his sword. "Most persuasive, when I wish to be. My mother always said so." The duke didn't relish seeing Richard again, that was immediately obvious. He came to his feet with an irritated exclamation as Colonel Fane ushered the Quaker into the room still carrying his curious box. Jervaulx moved to the sofa where Maddy sat, taking up a place behind her. The black setter instantly made a stand at her feet, growling, while Devil jumped up onto the sofa beside Maddy and began barking and snarling at the newcomer. "Shev," Durham snapped. "For God's sake, shut them up!" Jervaulx made a hiss between his teeth. The dogs grew quiet. Devil put his paws in her lap and lowered himself into a crouch, half on her and half off, while Cass stood alert, pressed against her knees. Maddy, barricaded among dogs, gave Richard a feeble smile. "Thou art good, to come again to help." He looked around at the other men, then said softly, "I followed. I was afeared for thee, Archimedea. There is no harm?" "Oh, no. No. The duke brought us here—these are his good friends. Durham, and Colonel Fane." In spite of his dark plain coat and broad hat, Richard Gill seemed in some strange and subtle way not unlike Colonel Fane—the one an easy scarlet brilliance, trimmed in white and gold and blue, the other starkly unadorned, and yet both with a strength about them, something unexpectedly formidable underlying their preposterously different facades and characters. Durham didn't invite the Quaker to sit. He leaned his hands on the back of a chair. "Let me be straightforward with you, Mr. Gill. We have no intention that the duke shall go back to his family—not under the circumstances that Miss Timms has described to us. She has suggested that you might have some other opinion. I must say, I don't see that it's really your affair, but it so happens that it'd be dashed inconvenient for us if you should go talking abroad, so I thought it best to have... shall we say, a little discussion of the matter." Richard said nothing. Colonel Fane stood behind him, leaning his shoulder against the door frame, not so foolish-looking now as he blocked the way out. "Miss Timms requested your aid," Durham said. "Are you willing to give it?" "Archimedea is doing what she thinks right," Richard said noncommittally. "Well, if it ain't too impertinent, sir, I guess what I want to know is what you think's right. I understand that you've made it some sort of personal concern of yours—that you might even take his family's view of things. Didn't matter in that case, y'see, that you couldn't name this very chambers—if you was to tell 'em he'd got as far as the Albany, they'd be sure to realize who he'd come to." Durham flexed his hands on the chair and added softly, "He's my friend, Mr. Gill. I want you to understand that clear. Very clear. I won't let him be locked up on account of some pious zealotry on your part." With a slight chink of metal, the colonel shifted his stance, standing upright. "No indeed," he murmured. "Tell me what I can say to induce you to keep silent in this matter, Mr. Gill." A faint mocking lilt marked Durham's tone. "There is nothing thou can say." "Ah. I suppose that only a higher voice than mine could move you?" Richard gave a nod of assent. Durham lifted his eyebrows. "Are you sure then, that you've been brought here to no divine purpose? That there's nothing you might be meant to learn?" "I think," Richard said, "that thou might have some smooth pretty words at hand to convince me there is more." Durham smiled. "Words? Is that all you think we have to convince you? My dear fellow, do I need to lay it out?" Richard's expression did not alter. Maddy was really proud of him, that he didn't lose his fortitude, or his serenity, in the face of this thinly veiled threat. "Concerning the Duke of Jervaulx," he said merely, "I'm not certainly persuaded to either course." "Mr. Gill—I'm a frivolous fellow, as I'm sure you've determined for yourself. I like a good dinner and a bottle; I'm partial to fair ladies and gambling halls and the best tailors. I really don't have anything to recommend me at all—not even as much as Fane there, who can at least say he led his battalion in open order at Quatre Bras and Waterloo. Beyond that, about the best part of either one of us is that we love this man like our own blood; we don't give a damn for his title or his family or what they want; we'll hang before we see him put away against his will—he'd do the same for us, y'see, just like you'd do it for your own. And that's all, Mr. Gill. All the pretty words I know on the subject." The enamel clock on the mantel chimed, a sweet melody in the silence. Devil put his nose beneath Maddy's hand and licked it. Richard looked toward her. "Let me beg thee tenderly to come away and leave them to what they wish to do. It is worldly business, and none of ours." "All right, go now," Durham said quickly, before she could answer. "Go—but stay away from your father. Give us some time, Miss Timms. A few hours, half a day, enough for us to get ourselves safely away. You're in no danger—he'll have you back—please, can you give us just that much? A little time before you return directly to him?" She bit her lip, imagining her father's fears—balancing that against the lies she would have to tell, or set in motion Jervaulx's seizure. And she had a terrible feeling that she would tell lies, even to her papa, that she—like Durham and Colonel Fane—would do almost anything. She drew a breath. "Until this evening?" "That's enough." She rose. The dog thumped to the floor and pressed past her, rounding the sofa to join the duke. "I will stay away from Papa 'til supper, then. At seven." Durham nodded shortly. "That'll do. Begone, the both of you. And don't look back, or we'll turn you to pillars of salt. I swear it." Words or no, Christian understood well enough the way Durham and Fane got the dour thee-thou between them—Durham with his sardonic smile and Fane at his best negligent muscle-flexing. The procedure had Christian's full approval. He didn't like it that Maddygirl had so quickly put her trust in the fellow, trotting off without a by-your-leave heads together whisper look assess talk plans he couldn't understand—until he'd heard back and seen Maddy begin to contend words with the gloomy mule man. Meddlesome bastard, to have followed them even here! Durham and Fane would take care of it. Christian watched in pleasure, waiting for them to heave the Mule out on his ear. He would have lent a hand to it himself, but didn't want to upset the dance that Durham would be leading. Christian couldn't really follow the discourse; he only knew that Durham made sweet threats in that soft tone and got answers of obstinate brevity. Christian would embarrass himself by a clumsy entry at the wrong time. He saw the Mule address Maddy. Lebeg tend comaythen, leave whish do. Christian heard Durham's quick response with his own appeal to her... ask hours time? Give time? Christian couldn't see her face, but her pause alarmed him. His body went tense. He took a step; she asked Durham something; Durham answered—enough? She rose and Christian moved, all at once. She was out of his reach; Durham was speaking to her with a parting tone—urging her to leave! The Mule turning to go with her, dogs in the way of Christian's feet... he suddenly found himself with no idea at all of what had just passed, but no one showed a sign of preventing her. "Stay." His enraged voice arrested everyone. "Maddygirl! You... stay." He caught up with her. Without ceremony, he thrust her back toward the sofa. Her cloak flared around her as she fell onto the seat. Christian stood over her. "You... me," he said, knowing it was too little, unable to command the words to tell her that she must not leave without him and that he wasn't going anywhere without Durham and Fane and the dogs. Most emphatically she must not leave him and go with the Mule. He addressed that in particular by standing between her and the Quaker, the dogs seconding him, ready to counter any attempt to take her away. Durham dropped into a chair, crossing his arms. He gave Christian a look that meant he'd bungled the transaction, but Christian didn't care. Any agreement that required Maddy to leave him was mistaken. The Mule looked ice daggers at him with those vapor-drab eyes; only Fane had an idle smile, as if it were a row over some ladybird. Maddy herself just sat on the sofa, her head down, her hands in two fists on her knees. After a moment, she put one tight hand to her mouth, and Christian realized, like a blow, that she was weeping. His certainty evaporated. He felt suddenly conspicuous, the center of incriminating attention. He had made her cry. They all looked at him, and he could not tell them why it was important. She had to stay with him. She had to. He was going home with her, marry her and... he couldn't think beyond that. Why was she crying? "Maddygirl," he said hoarsely. She shook her head, like a quick rejection. Christian glared at the Mule. He thought this must be his fault, interfering rogue, creep round steal in your thee-thou coat. Strangle the fellow. Christian was considering the notion when suddenly something dark passed in front of him, moving quickly past toward the door. He realized that it was Maddy. He hadn't even seen her stand up; his brain got behind again—making sense out of the hooded shape when she was already beyond him. He was still trying to gather a response from his scattered awareness when Fane straightened up from his indolent pose against the door frame, blocking it. "Shev wanchu stay, Miss." She whirled around to Christian. "Papa!" she cried. "Musgodim! Go—him! Understand?" "Stay." It was all Christian could utter. "Jervaulx!" Her face was terrible, pleading with him. "Papa need me. Fraid me. Musgo!" Fear and denial rose in his throat. Her father—blind old afraid. But Christian needed her. "Maddy... " He gritted his teeth. "Can't." He hated speaking in front of the others: words like a dimwitted beast, the old jokes and easier exchange with Durham and Fane vanished in his dread. "Please," she said. "Thoumus let me go." No. No! He looked beyond her to Fane, shook his head emphatically to keep the guardsman in place, preventing her desertion. Her thee-thou mule touched her shoulder. "Arkedya. I goeth fathee." He looked past her and Christian. "Ike see fathout shspicion. Friend business." Maddygirl turned to him, her face alight with a joy that incensed Christian. "Thoudst?" "Y'won't trayus?" Durham's sharp voice came from a place that Christian had forgotten. It scrambled his focus; he found Durham and tried not to surrender him again. "No," the Mule said. "Have word ond?" Durham demanded. "I have said. Truth dosth work God." Pious mule, Christian thought. The sober thee-thou glanced at Maddy. "Thou'll stay tly return. Consid morthen." She nodded meekly to his command. The Mule, who'd never even taken off his hat, faced the door. Fane stood implacably until Durham said, "Let'im go," and the guardsman made a bow and stood aside. Maddygirl turned back to Christian. She gave him a look that razed him, a single glance of accusation, and walked past him to sit down on the sofa. Through the morning and noon, they waited. Colonel Fane left for parade in the afternoon, promising to return by supper. Maddy kept her place on the couch. She deliberately would not look at Jervaulx, though he brought her a cup of chocolate with his own hands. She took it, not even giving thanks. She wished him to know that she did not remain of her own will, but only because he made it impossible for her to leave and Richard had been so kind as to say he would go to her father and acquaint Papa with the case without speaking of where the duke had gone. Amazingly, Jervaulx actually seemed to have some inkling of her resentful feelings. Instead of his usual aristocratic disinterest, he spent the endless hours standing near her, or sometimes sitting at the other end of the sofa, restrained in his moves, not attempting to speak. He brought her the chocolate. It wasn't precisely an apology, but it was at least an acknowledgment that she was a person rather than a private and exclusive belonging of his. By supper, still no word had come from Richard, but there was a deadly scare just at teatime, when a servant in silver and white livery arrived wishing to speak to Durham. Mark could not lead the man off; he insisted on delivering his note into Durham's own hand. The dispute below the window became lamentably loud as the servants argued whether the duchess' man ought to wait until Mr. Durham returned home or leave his message with Mark. When it became certain that the other servant would not go away without seeing Durham, that resourceful gentleman went up to the attics and somehow found his way outside. While Maddy and the duke waited in the bedroom, Durham came back round as if he'd been out all along and interviewed the duchess' servant in his sitting room, full of falsehoods. The servant went away with a convoluted story about Durham's deceased fourth cousin that even Maddy, listening through the door, could not make out clear. On the subject of the Duke of Jervaulx, Durham was baffled. Did the fellow mean that the duke had recovered? That was excellent news! Durham had thought him dying; the duchess herself had told him so. But now he was out and about? Miraculous! Durham wondered that he hadn't come to call on his friends—he would have thought that would be Jervaulx's first destination, the moment he was back in form. Did the man mean to say—here now, Durham really didn't understand. The duke was missing? Oh—not missing? Well, if he weren't missing or dying, nor calling on his friends, just precisely what the devil was he doing? Nobody had seen him for months. It sounded dashed suspicious to Durham. He thought perhaps the authorities ought to be notified, and damn the scandal. The servant backed down quite quickly at that point, and went away with Durham earnestly wishing the duchess would inform him the moment they had any clue. Maddy had turned around in the dimness of the curtained bedroom and seen Jervaulx's set face as he stood with one hand on the bedpost—arrogant and wary, like a hunter cornered by his own prey, galled with the need to hide himself. Durham came to the door and opened it, allowing the dogs to rush in. They greeted Jervaulx joyously, as if they hadn't seen him just a quarter hour since, and his haughtiness evaporated into a grin and play. Those were the moments that shook Maddy, those sudden transitions from imperious pride to affection. She had no defense against them. Her Opening fell into confusion. She wasn't even certain that it was a true leading any longer. Richard hadn't been convinced that she took the right course. Maddy knew that all of her life she'd had to fight to submerge a strong self-will, to avoid being tempted by fashions and fripperies, by the urge to dispute and disagree with her elders. She was too often ungoverned and rebellious in her heart. Someone like Richard would be better able to know the prompting of God from the wiles of the Reasoner. Maddy wanted to go home to her father. She wanted to be safe again. The door was there in front of her, with no king's officer to stop her now. The duke was employed with his dogs and Durham in setting out glasses and a decanter of golden sherry. The door was there. She did not go. Christian decided to send Maddygirl to bed. She'd fallen asleep sitting up anyway, waiting for her thee-thou mule man. Fane had come and gone again, on duty: welcome nonsense and casual acceptance of Christian's flawed speech—Christian was sorry to see him leave. Durham was not so easy about it; he kept starting off to talk to Christian and then realizing halfway into a headlong statement that Christian didn't understand, though he tried desperately to hide it. It embarrassed both of them. Christian wanted to turn to Maddygirl for help, but she sat like a stone when he looked at her—angry at him still because he kept her from her father. Another thing impossible to communicate: the depth of his dependence on her being there. He was sorry. But the world was going too fast for him—new things, surprises and confusions and noise that made hard understanding harder. She had to stay. The bedroom was all right. Close by, the door was where he could see it, know for certain she was there. He woke her merely by walking close. Devil, following, stopped to touch her hand with his nose. When she opened her eyes, Christian held out his hand. "Has come?" It was the first thing that she uttered. Christian merely looked at her. "Not yet," Durham said. "Bed." Christian kept his hand extended. "Yes," Durham said from the table. "Goleye down, Miss Timm. Wake moment return." She blinked back sleep, and then sighed. She laid her hand in Christian's and rose. He would have taken her himself, but she released him immediately and turned away. A little rush of coals fell in the grate as the bedroom door closed behind her. Durham sat in silence at the table, surveying the remains of supper. "Egad," he muttered. "Bloody caspickles." Christian walked to the sideboard and took the round crystal hard thing from the top of the decanter of sherry. He poured himself a glass. "So." Durham held up his empty one, and Christian filled it. "What spect doother, now th've got?" Christian put his forefinger to his mouth. Quiet. Durham took a swallow of his drink. He leaned his head back on the chair, gazing at the ceiling. Christian let the clock tick down, listening to it instead of watching it, because it was like looking at himself in the mirror, something odd and annoying about it, something not-real in the way the numbers lay around the face. One of the crazy things that he preferred to ignore when he could. It chimed once, on the half hour. Without conversation, he and Durham sat drinking. Durham poured two more sherries, and Christian felt a pleasant mellowness begin to steal over him. It was familiar and gratifying, to sit here as they'd done so often. Companion. Sherry made Durham slow. Christian knew him. Three glasses took the edge from his decisiveness; four made him smart and his speech lazy. Christian waited for four. He set his glass on the table. "Wed." He looked at Durham. "Maddygirl." Durham frowned. He shook his head. "Sorry, ol man. Don't unstan." It was much easier when he spoke slowly instead of mumbling too fast. "Maddy." Christian moved his head, indicating the bedroom. "Yes. All right. Miss Timms." "Me." Christian thrust his hand inside his coat pocket, exploring, and found the ring. He pushed the box onto the table and got it open with his thumb. "Wed." His friend gazed at the ring. He seemed not to comprehend. Christian was about to try again when Durham slammed his glass down onto the table. "God Almighty. Y'losu bloody mind?" "No," Christian said. "Marry girl?" Durham half rose. At Christian's quick warning hiss, he dropped back into his chair and lowered his tone to a violent whisper. "Not serious?" Christian picked up the ring and slapped it down again. "Nothinba nurse." Durham leaned forward over the table. "Hang it, she's Quaker!" "Marry." With an effortful curl of his mouth, Christian said, "Go... home." Durham shook his head. "Can't go, m'dear fellow. Not safe. Take y'way, shsaid." "No!" Christian reached across and gripped his wrist. "Not... wed. Son... dragon want... 'nough. Son." The meaning seemed to take a moment to strike. Durham's brows went up. He rubbed his hand across his mouth. "Get heir?" "All." "All she wants?" "Deal." Christian let go. "Not... back... place. Wed." "Whn't marrother girl then?" Christian made a sound of disgust. Durham put both of his hands on the stem of his glass and rolled it between them, watching the candlelight catch the cuts, spark color and darkness from the liquor. "Like thisun better?" he asked, slanting a look across the table. Christian took a swig of sherry. He laid the pad of his thumb up against his lips, kissed it, and lifted it gently away. He smiled past it at his friend. "Braid... " He stretched his fingers apart, as if he spread them in her hair. "Down." Durham snorted. He made his own fist, thumb up, and thrust it out toward Christian. "So be it. Want her, old son, shallave her. Din't ordain me f' naught."
"Miss Timms." The voice came out of dreams. "Time to wake, Miss Timms." Maddy sat up all at once. "Papa?" She was tangled in her cloak. For a moment of confusion, she thought it was a burglary—a strange man stepping back from the bed, holding a candle so that she only saw his face in shadowed profile. But she wasn't home—she couldn't recall at all where she was until suddenly a black-and-white dog trotted into the circle of candlelight and jumped up to put its front paws onto the edge of the bed. The animal made an enthusiastic stretch and licked her nose. Maddy spluttered and drew back, blinking sleep from her eyes. "This came for you." Durham held out a note sealed by an uneven splotch of wax. "It's from Mr. Gill." She fought to keep her eyes open. Sense and memory returned: she accepted the note as Durham set the candle down next to the bed and left her alone. She tore open the wax, holding the paper close, squinting at the blocky hand. Miss Timms, I have spoke with thy father at length. He is in agreement with thee that the Duke ought to be protected from this travesty, and wishes thee to see to it. He urges thee to put thy trust in the Duke's friends and take him out of danger instantly, as the pursuit is very hot. Thee are to remain with the Duke wherever he goes. Thy father commands thee most gravely not to return to him, as it would put thee in peril. I cannot come to thee myself because of the hazard of being followed. There was some suspicion when I called on thy father. If thee has a message for him, send it to the Belle Sauvage, and I will see that he receives it. Bless thee Friend Richard Gill "Oh," Maddy whispered. She turned the note more to the light, blinked hard, and read it again. It still said the same thing, in the same awkward way. She was to go away with Jervaulx. She was to stay with him. Her papa wished it. It was bewildering. And upsetting. She wasn't to return to Papa! For how long? How much peril could there be? Maddy sat up in bed. She was to be accused of kidnapping, she truly was. Lady de Marly would not stick at that for an instant. She closed her eyes and prayed a quick, silent prayer, asking for the strength to face what she must. Then she hurried to find her shoes. As she bent to buckle them, she had to push Devil off four times from jumping on her. Taking up the candle, she went through the dark to the sitting room. Jervaulx was there, startling in his extravagant formal clothes, his hair mussed, his face in need of shaving. He gave her a quick look, wary, as if he half expected that she might scold him for something. The clock chimed; Maddy held up her candle toward it and found that the time was only half past three. From the entrance hall, she heard the door open and the soft sound of Durham's voice in conversation with his servant. The door closed. Durham came into the room, padding in stocking feet, carrying a coffeepot and tray. "Mark's gone to bring a cab round, if he can find one at this hour. So drink up. There's a post coach leaves The Swan at five. You'll want to put yourself in order in the bedroom, Miss Timms, but let me get something else for Shev to wear first." He looked no better than the duke, and they both looked as if they'd been up all night. Durham set down the tray, yawned, then took the candle and shuffled into the bedroom, leaving the sitting room with only a faint flame from the oil lamp to illuminate it. "Shev," he called quietly. "Come here, my dear fellow, and see if this will fit you." The duke gave her another brief glance, and then walked past her into the bedroom. A looking glass hung over the mantelpiece. Maddy saw that she appeared no better than the men and attempted to make something of her hair, but with no brush or comb it seemed a hopeless task. She would have to keep her hood close. She poured coffee, hoping that might clear the sleepy disorder from her brain. Durham seemed to have some plan—he'd mentioned a post coach, which meant that he intended for them to travel quickly. Nothing but the mail would be faster, and no mail left before evening. A post coach would be swift and as anonymous as a ticket at the booking office—but to where? She hoped it was not too far. Then again, if she was to be hung for a kidnapper, perhaps she should wish it would be Scotland. Or America. Or the moon. As it fell out, it was Bath—or the Great Road in that direction, at any rate, in a beautiful black-and-red post coach emblazoned with the device of the Swan with Two Necks and gleaming in the lamplight of a frosty morning. Durham would not reveal to Maddy their final destination; in fact he had become somewhat close in his speech to her. When she protested the distance, he would only say that they weren't bound for Bath itself. Jervaulx and his friend slept in the coach. They made a disreputable pair, with Durham stretched across the forward seat and the duke propped uncomfortably against the opposite window from Maddy, wrapped in a borrowed great coat, unshaven and hatless, which was Durham's peculiar notion of how a gentleman going into the country "for his health" ought to look. Maddy had agreed to this description of the duke as basically compatible with the truth, but she would not bend so far as to call him "Mr. Higgens" and present herself as his sister. Not even to avoid transportation or hanging. Without going out of her way to volunteer the information, she was his nurse, if anyone should ask, and her name was Archimedea Timms. As a result of this stance, she wasn't allowed out of the coach except at the busiest inns, where no one paid much mind to any individual traveler amid the clatter and jingle of the horses ready-saddled, the shouts of the arriving postilions and the stage passengers hurrying in and out for a brief refreshment. Even then, she only descended alone or with Durham. He insisted that the three of them oughtn't to be observed all together, in order to confound any pursuit. He'd paid a full fare to secure the fourth seat in the light and graceful post coach so that they would not have to travel with a stranger, and after the first change of horses and postilions no one even looked inside as long as he leaned out the window to bestow the tips. Even the dogs had been left behind with Mark, mightily unhappy, but far too conspicuous to be seen with the duke. It was a wonder to travel so fast, in a well-sprung vehicle on an excellent road, ahead of all the stage coaches and sometimes passing even a privately hired chaise. She was not certain that she approved of the post coach. It seemed a prodigious expenditure of effort in the interest of earthly business. It must be a vain thing to go on in such a headlong rush through the early morning darkness. The horses galloped the whole of each stretch and pulled up lathered after half an hour to be replaced by a waiting team within two minutes. With the gentlemen asleep between changes, Maddy had ample time to watch the ghostly white mileposts spin past and to reflect on the speed with which she was plunging into oblivion. With dawn, long blue shadows from the trees lapped across fields sparkling with frost. She could see glimpses of a huge castle in the distance, bulwarked round with towers and high walls. Banners at the turrets caught the first sun. Maddy leaned forward to watch as the rays turned the stone to pinkish gold. "Wind-sor." The duke's voice startled her. She turned and found him watching her sleepily, his shoulders braced against the side of the coach in an awkward position. The vehicle bounced over a rough section of road without slowing a dot. Maddy caught the strap. Jervaulx's head bumped hard against the wall, while Durham almost rolled off his seat. Durham caught himself, cursed, and pushed back into place, bracing with one foot on the floor, readjusting his hat over his eyes. Jervaulx sat upright. He rubbed both palms over his face, then rested buried in his hands for a moment, his elbows propped on the greatcoat over his knees. The coach swayed along the road. Maddy thought perhaps he would wake up fully now, but instead he turned and lay down again, this time in the opposite direction. Since he was far too tall to fit into the available seat, this position necessitated that he lay his head in Maddy's lap—which he did, brazenly, with no more warning than a deep sigh as he settled into position. "Jervaulx," she said sharply. His only answer was a slow smile, perfectly uncivilized viewed in profile against the shadow of his beard, as if he were some indolent Gypsy happy to sleep beneath a hedgerow. It being impossible to hold her hand in the air for the remainder of the journey, she found it obligatory to rest it on his shoulder. She held it there so lightly that on each bump it lifted, until he reached and caught it, entwining their fingers, and made her bear down solidly on his shoulder. They were both without gloves, Maddy having left hers far behind in the chapel, and Jervaulx's elegant white ones forgotten in the rush. Maddy watched the countryside grow bright, the castle at Windsor a massive landmark that appeared and disappeared among the hills and hollows of the road. He moved his head restlessly, snuggling closer. With his free hand, he reached and adjusted hers so that her fingers rested against his temple and cheek, just touching his face each time the carriage rolled. Maddy pretended to ignore it. She reasoned that if the duke had been an ordinary patient—an ailing child or a sick neighbor—she certainly would have been glad to provide whatever comfort she could on this fatiguing journey. She told herself that Jervaulx tired easily, and that the events of the past twenty-four hours would have been enough to exhaust even a person in full health. Indeed, Maddy herself felt the fluttery weakness of too little sleep and too much apprehension. It was just that his hand against hers felt so full of heat and life—firmly locked with her fingers, his shoulder pressed steadily close, his body not quite as passive under the rock of the coach as it should have been. He made a sleepy mutter, shifting, tilting his chin up as if he could not find the most comfortable position. His skin was scratchy with new beard, rough against her palm. She didn't think he was asleep at all, and she was certain of it at the next change. As the coach rocked to a halt amid the whistles and shouts of the postilions, Durham rolled over and sat up. Jervaulx didn't stir. After a brief glance at him and Maddy, Durham made an exaggeratedly thorough search in his pockets for his purse. He finally found it. As he got down, Jervaulx kissed her fingers. She snatched them away. The duke sighed and nestled closer in her lap, without ever opening his eyes. Durham put his hand on the window frame and smiled faintly at her. "I suppose I ought to bring your breakfast out to you, Miss Timms?" Sometimes, in daydreams, Maddy had imagined a garden. It never had a house with it; it was just a garden, with room for everything she might want to plant. It had lavender around each of the beds and a low wall with the countryside beyond. In the spring, there were peas and asparagus, tulips and hyacinths; in the summer, vegetables and hollyhock, larkspur, sweet williams; in the autumn, the trees in the corners were heavy with fruit, hanging low over Michaelmas daisies and guelder roses. It wasn't formal, this garden, as the straight paths and majestic lawns at Blythedale Hall were formal, meant only for strolling and creaturely talk. It was a working garden, with the flowers planted between more practical things. The first morning that she woke and looked out the leaded window of the rectory at St. Matthews-upon-Glade, she saw it. Her garden, or the disreputable remnants of it anyway, catching early sun, casting shadows, a thousand stems sparking fire as they bent in graceful arches beneath the dew. It was a long-abandoned chaos, a disarray of weeds and old growth, the stone footways barely visible under ragged clumps of grass and autumn-dead foliage—but it was her garden. The dry stone walls enclosed half an acre, with fruit trees planted in each corner, and in the middle a simple urn. Beyond the wall, a pasture, vivid green, sloped down to a village. The houses spread out along the valley, all built of the same silvery gray stone, glinting light through the long finger of mist that blew up through the trees. The rectory was sinfully neglected. Durham was even worse than she'd thought. Not only did he turn out to be one of the false priests—and a more unlikely man of God she'd never met, unless it might have been Jervaulx himself, or possibly Colonel Fane—he'd allowed this garden and this house to fall almost into ruin. Last night they had arrived at quarter past ten, exhausted, the duke so weary that he kept bumping into things that were perfectly easy to see. After Durham had unlocked the dark rectory and thrown open the door as if it were a welcoming palace, Maddy had been obliged to spend half an hour hunting it over for sheets to sleep upon. They'd dined out of a paper on meat pies and cross buns bought mid-afternoon at Hungerford, where they'd left the Bath Road and struck off in a private post chaise, all three of them crushed together in a vehicle meant for two. Maddy had slept in her dress for the second night in a row, not very deeply, considering the desolate chill of the house and bedding. And now, in the morning, looking out at the abandoned garden in the sun, she didn't suppose there would be anything suitable for breakfast, either. She made herself as presentable as she could with no water or brush. All the furniture was covered, the hangings over the bed dark with dust. The mattress looked higgledly-piggledgy, made up with two layers of sheets and no counterpane. She feared that the little ball of dust underneath the frame had the unmistakable cast of mice about it. In spite of the neglect, it was a commodious house. She descended the stairs, listening in vain for any sound of the men yet stirring from the bedrooms in the opposite wing. Her steps echoed as she passed through a carved screen into a spacious flagstone hall, its only furnishing a bare table of the antique sort, long and dark and massive, with legs carved in heavy globes of wood. In the middle of it lay the paper that had held their dinner, folded over beneath a key. Her name was inscribed on the top. She took a deep breath and opened the stained document, smoothing it out. My dear Miss Timms, It's my Misfortune to be forced to leave without Seeing you again, in Order to make my way back to Town with as much Speed as possible. I hope to be there by Tonight, which ought to Confound anyone as to the distance we've traveled should Suspicion light on me. On my way, I will inform Mrs. Digby that I've made the Rectory available to my Ailing Friend and ask her to see to it that you have a Servant at my Expense. Beyond that you will have to depend upon the money from the Buckles until I receive my Ecclesiastical Revenues next month, as you find me sadly Flat at the moment. I hope that You will make Yourselves at Home. If all goes Well, I believe you may be stopping for some little time here. Rest assured that you are doing the Right Thing, Miss Timms, and please, to the Best of your Conscience—and perhaps even a little to the Worst of It—do what you can to Protect Him. Yr Servant, Kit Durham P.S. If you please, will you tell Him that I will Think of a way to send the Dogs, unless I shoot them first. Next month! He expected them to be here as long as that? Maddy folded the letter. She looked round the empty hall. In her bodice was the wallet with most of the duke's three hundred pounds still intact, since Durham had paid for all the fares. She and her father could have lived two years on that. Loud footsteps sounded on the stair. Maddy looked up just as the duke appeared in the doorway, disheveled and intense: dressed—but with nothing tied or buttoned. When he saw her, a look of deliverance came into his face. He held the doorframe, then leaned heavily against it, expelling a harsh breath. "'Lone." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm here," Maddy said. He made a gesture with his head, back toward the wing where he and Durham had slept. "Not." "Durham has returned to town." She held up the oily note. Jervaulx pushed away, strode toward her and took it. He frowned down at the words, turning his head a little. The shadow of his beard had become a real darkness. Maddy wondered if there might be a shaving kit in the house or if she would have to go into the village. How safe would it be for them to show themselves? Durham had said that no one would recognize the duke here, but she was loathe to take any risk. He looked up, smiling one-sided. "Dogs." Maddy made a face. "Yes. Thy wicked dogs will come." He grinned, an unkempt barbarian. She took hold of his wrist and pulled the shirt cuff down from inside his coat. "Links?" He made an assenting sound, gesturing again toward the bedrooms. Maddy pulled the other cuff free and reached up to tie the neckpiece that was draped around his shoulders. He stood very still, watching her from beneath lowered lashes as she did it. When she glanced up, he smiled at her. In his unshaven state, it was oddly boyish. She had to bite her lip to prevent herself from smiling back. Instead, she took a schoolroom tone. "Bring the cufflinks." She touched his wrist and pointed toward the door. Without hesitation, he turned to go. Maddy noticed the letter still in his hand. "Jervaulx," she said. He looked back at her. "Canst thou read?" He came back, slapped the paper down on the table and bent over it, leaning on both arms. "My... Timm. It... mis... for... to be for... force... leave... see you... in order make my way back to... tow... town... speed... poss." He looked up at her triumphantly. "Read." "Before now? Didst thou read before now?" "Math," he said. She remembered him working with her father. "Only mathematics," she said. "Only numbers." He shrugged. "Wilt thou not bring thy cufflinks to me?" With a brief nod, he pushed away from the table and walked out of the hall. Maddy looked after him. She pressed her lips together. A week ago—a day ago—he would not have understood such a long and complicated sentence, especially not as she'd deliberately spoken it at a normal pace. He returned, carrying the studs. Maddy accepted them. As she fastened his cuffs, she said, "What dost thou think we ought to do for breakfast?" He picked up the grease-stained paper between his thumb and forefinger. With a little grunt, he let it drop. "Pie." "Jervaulx," she said, "thou art getting better." He gave her a pirate grin. Maddygirl had gone into the village. Christian prowled the house, alone and free, uneasy with it. For something to do, he was yanking the covers off the furniture, leaving them in white piles scattered about the floor. When he pulled down the covering from a frame over the parlor mantel, he found himself face to face with a mirror. Egad. He looked the very devil, as if he'd been three days in drink. And Durham's coat sleeve was too short, showing a vulgar width of cuff when Christian lifted his hand to feel his beard. Monstrous fine fellow, the Duke of Jervaulx. Just what a young thee-thou prim would like. It made him light-headed, looking at himself—a wrench of effort to focus on the not-real side, like trying to stop a dream without waking. It was there, but somehow it just kept not being there. A loud knocking at the front door startled him. Maddygirl, he thought, turning into the passage—but at the last moment he had a doubt. He stopped with his hand outstretched. The knocker had fallen silent, waiting, but after a pause the banging took up again. He wanted to find out if it was her, but the words failed him, as they always seemed to fail him when he needed them the most. He tried to calm himself, to get hold of the unreasonable panic. He couldn't simply stand here, delaying forever. Finally he took hold of the ancient handle and wrenched it open. Muggy wind gusted inside, unseasonable for October, warmer than the air in the house. Storm weather. Under the dark stone porch, a girl in an apron and cap dropped a curtsy beneath her cloak. "If 'a pleasir, mabrunild digy, maid-all-work." They looked at one another. She had a wide, dark-eyed country credulity about her, too naive not to stare at him as if he looked as bad as he knew he did. She seemed unthreatening enough: he pulled the door wide and stepped back. Maddy returned with bread and baked mutton and potatoes in a cookshop dish. She got it all through the front door and was hastening to the kitchen with the tepid burden when the sound of a female voice brought her up short. She peered around the doorframe into the kitchen. Jervaulx and a maidservant sat across from one another at the table, both holding steaming crockery mugs. The girl faced away from Maddy, chatting blithely about her "lad" and how he was to go into the market town at week's end to attend a lecture on "chemical subjects." She repeated that twice, adding "d'y see?" in a questioning tone, as if it were a perfectly normal thing in speaking to make certain that the other party understood—as no doubt it was when the inhabitants spoke to foreign people in these parts. Jervaulx set his mug down with an emphatic nod of approval. Focused on the maid, he didn't seem to see Maddy, even though she was well within his view. "Oh, aye—he's wonderful clever, my lad is," the girl said. She drained her mug and pushed back her chair. "I'm sure I don't know what to think of him anymore, since he got to attending that Mechanics' Institute an' all these lectures and things. He's going to make engines. Engines, d'y mark me?" She turned toward the dry sink with the mug and saw Maddy. "Oh! Mistress!" She dropped a deep curtsy and hurried forward to take the dish from Maddy's hands. "Mr. Langland asked me to sit down with 'en, Mistress! I'm Brunhilda Digby. Did ye see m' mother in the village? Did she tell 'ee I 'us to come? Mmm, don't this smell good. Ought I to put it in to warm, Mistress?" Without waiting for an answer, she set the dish on the table and began working with the iron oven inside the hearth. Jervaulx stood up, his face relaxing into that easy grin that never failed to make Maddy think of worldly and temporal things. She placed the bread and another package on the table. "Thou lookest a fine rogue," she said sternly. "I've bought a razor and brush." He inclined his head. "The water's heated, Mistress," Brunhilda offered. Having been caught idling, she seemed especially anxious to please. "Ought I to bring the basin down?" The kitchen was already growing warm; Maddy thought of the chilly, damp bedrooms above and nodded. "Yes. Come and discover to me where I might find more linens." "Yes, miss'us." The girl obeyed quickly, passing out of the kitchen and through the hall in front of Maddy. On the first stair, she stopped and turned, leaning down, smiling. "He's a little touched, in't he?" Her smile deepened. "But he's a darling. And so gentleman handsome! I can surely see why ye'd marry a lad like 'en, Mistress, long-headed or no." The storm broke after dark, hail and fury, striking with a power that alarmed Maddy. In town, she'd taken a secret pleasure in thunderstorms, snuggling down in bed to listen to the rain pour, but this was a rampage with a roaring soul of its own. The half-empty house seemed to hold thunder in its corners, sending it back out of the shadows over and over again. Brunhilda had long since gone home. As the fire whipped and smoldered from uneasy drafts, Maddy released the duke's cuffs and waistcoat buttons in the kitchen. He stepped back when she finished, with a look she couldn't interpret, but she knew well enough not to insist on more help than he wished to have. With Maddy in front, carrying a single candle, they went together up the stairs. She paused at the landing where the two wings separated. "Thou wilt be comfortable?" she asked. A little suspended moment went by; he stood still, bathed in the dancing gold of candlelight, looking down at her. He gave her a lazy smile, his eyes indigo blue, half hidden by those outrageously long lashes. Maddy felt a sudden, aching wrench of emotion. It came upon her without warning, a painful fullness in her throat, like weeping, only it was not weeping but something else. Lightning froze the shadows for an instant; the crack of thunder exploded directly overhead. She jerked and dropped the candle, dousing them in darkness as the sound rolled down the hallway. The rumbling shook the house like a living thing. "Oh, my," she said foolishly, as it began to die away. Another flash and split of sound fractured the air. All of Maddy's muscles jumped in a convulsive flinch. She felt the duke's hand touch her, and turned and went into his embrace amid the reverberations—an action that had no more wit or motive than the twitch of her hand when she'd dropped the candle. But his arms came around her, and Maddy instantly knew she'd done a wrong thing, a thing so sweet and dangerous that a point-strike of lightning was as nothing to it. He leaned back on the wall, his hand against her hair, pressing her cheek into his shoulder. She felt the rise and fall of his chest, breathed the warm incense of a man, tinged yet with the faint flowery aftermath of scent from his wedding. The thunder was a low timbre, still vibrating, a sound like a heavy wagon rolling on and on over a wooden bridge. He lifted his hand and traced her temple, a light stroke, an exquisite contrast to the steadfast way that he held her. His fingers slid downward, a feather across her cheek, a delicate caress of her lips. He pulled her harder into him, bending his mouth to her hair. "Fear, Maddygirl?" "No," she said. She began to push away. "No, I—am quite all right now. I am quite calm." She said it as much to herself as to him, for he did not hold her forcibly. She was embarrassed now, flustered as she pulled free. "The candle," she said, feeling hot and stupid. She bent, trying to search for it in the dark, glad of some task no matter how hopeless. She found the stick just underfoot, but had no way to light it. "I'm sorry!" He made an amused sound and put his hand under her elbow, drawing her in the direction of her bedchamber. The distant lightning gave only tantalizing and ineffectual illumination, but he seemed more at home in the dark than she. He ran his hand along the wall as they moved, until finally Maddy could see the faint glimmer of firelight falling on the floor in front of her open bedroom door. She disengaged herself briskly from his hold, stepping ahead into the room. Rain gusted at the window behind the drawn curtains and rumbled in the drains. In the fitful glow of the fire, she crossed the room, knelt and put the candlestick to the coals until it flamed. "There." She stood and held it out to him. "Thou canst see thy way back." He did not take it. He looked at her above it. Faint lightning mingled with firelight and candlelight on his face. Gentleman handsome, Brunhilda had called him. Maddy thought him anything but gentle. The candlelight caught his brows and made them villainous, took away the bewilderment that softened his eyes. A drop of clear wax tumbled down the side of the candle. They both moved at once; Maddy tilted the candlestick to save herself; at the same time, his left hand seized hers. The hot wax fell free, but not far enough, landing on the inside of his wrist. He swore distinctly. Maddy exclaimed, "Thy hand! Oh—thou shoudst not have!" He blew out the flame. "Careful!" he said sharply. "Thou art burnt?" Her hand was still locked under his. He gave an ironic laugh. "Burn." His thumb moved across her fingers in a slow caress. He held hard, then let go of her, his face outlined in fireglow and darkness. He watched her, as if to see whether she understood him. Here in this house, locked in by rain and thunder and the intensity of his gaze, she was afraid to. He put his fist against his chest. "Burn, Maddygirl," he said. Then he turned and left her in the flickering gloom and thunder.
Dressing himself in the morning incensed Christian. He'd had enough of wearing Durham's clothes; after a hard day of travel, even his court dress looked better, especially since the linen had been freshly washed by Bruhilt. The stockings, neatly rolled, were easy enough, but by the time he'd got the velvet breeches buttoned, he was furious with himself and his fuddled brain and his hands that would not work together properly and made such a simple thing so confounding. After unending frustration, he'd just got the last fastening closed, using one hand, when he heard the deep boom of an outside door. He looked out the window and saw Maddygirl, her cloak sweeping out behind her as she headed off over the sheep walk toward the top of the hill. Her direction was away from the village, her pace quick and determined—the deportment of someone leaving. Christian swore. He abandoned the waistcoat in his hand. Coatless, his shirt open, he strode out of the room. Maddy did not know quite where she was going. The storm had brought winter, ready-honed. A wind from the north stung her cheeks. The downpour of the night before had made a muddy, sodden embarrassment of the garden, but the turf in the field beyond sprang back beneath her feet, resilient, just beginning to freeze, so that every step had a little wet crunch in it. She held her skirt up, though it hardly made any difference now; her best gray was so mended and stained that "best" was no longer a fair description. At the top of the hill she stopped and faced north, glad of the icy blow. All night she'd listened to the capricious storm; this morning she wanted only cold steady discipline in her heart. It was a trial, that was evident. She was tried and tested, and found herself of more common metal than she'd ever imagined. Even self-censure was quicksand. To tell herself that she ought to take no delight in creaturely caresses was to remember how his hand had touched hers. To disparage the carnal earthy self was to think of his face, underlit by fire radiance, a tempest distilled to silence—midnight blue and flame. She heard a step behind her, the sound of a harsh exhalation; she turned and he was there. He stopped a few feet from her, all blown about by the wind, in his shirtsleeves, the kind of man that sensible right-walking elderwomen warned the girls not to recognize should he speak to them. "What is it?" she asked, deliberately curt. His mouth drew back a little, as if he tried to speak and then could not. He looked away from her, off and down. The wind blew his dark hair. "Go back. Thou wilt catch thy death." He lifted his eyes. They were the color of the deepest heart of hurricane clouds, deeper blue than the sky behind him. "Go back." Maddy turned away and began walking. He walked alongside her. For a few yards, she pretended indifference. Then she stopped. "I wish to walk alone." She said it with her face to the wind, not looking toward him. "Where?" She knew the violence of the demand was his affliction, that the manifest arrogance was not entirely real—but some of it was, and she turned on that. "Why must thou know?" He stiffened a little, as a sensitive horse would bridle at a sharp word. He caught her elbow, but Maddy whirled away. "What dost thou want of me?" she cried. "What?" His jaw locked. He moved as if to curb her again and then, with a visible check of himself, dropped his hand. With a great effort, he said, "Friend." "I am thy nurse. That is all." A shadow of mockery came into his face. "Nurse... stay," he said, more easily than before. Maddy drew a breath, checkmated in her argument. It was perfectly true that no honest nurse would hare off across the countryside, insisting that her patient do without her. She pulled her cloak close around her in chagrin. He smiled slightly, having tallied a credit to his side. "Come... back... me." "No. Please. Not now. Just... no. I wish to walk. Alone." The smile became displeasure. "Walk," he said, with a jerk of his chin. "Come... back." She didn't understand him, couldn't find sense in the contradiction, until he left her and went to the dry stone wall that looped its way over the hill. He leaned against the rough structure. "Walk," he said, with a brief, open swing of his hand. It was a hopeless thing now, to expect to find peace in the empty fields, but Maddy stubbornly pulled her flaring cloak against herself, turned and began to walk. She went down a hollow and climbed the next slope; she traversed another hill and valley, startling a small flock of sheep on the other side. When she reached the highest point, the wind was bitter; it made her ears ache even inside the hood of her cloak. It was pointless, this small attempt at escape. He defeated her. What she wished to avoid was inside her; not for one instant as she walked did she think of anything but Jervaulx. She found that she could not go on. With a renewed determination to act as a proper attendant and see her patient safely out of the unhealthy air, she started back the way she had come, carefully holding up her skirt as she jumped the little rivulets in the bottom of each hollow. No white shirt and grim forbearance greeted her when she came in view of the rectory and church. The place where he'd waited for her was only a solitary stretch of stone piled on stone. Maddy paused—and then saw him at the crest of the hill, sitting on an outcrop of natural rock. He rose as she came toward him, a strong, elegant silhouette against the early sun. "Come," she said, halting at a distance that seemed safe from any emotion beyond proper nursely concern. "'Tis time to go in." He held out his hand. The light behind him caught unexpected color—the long stems of wild Michaelmas daisies stirred by the wind. He made the offering without expression—neither contrition nor smile. The unexpectedness of it overthrew her, the strange brightness of the daisies in the drab landscape when they should not have been there so late in the autumn, so fresh in spite of the driving storm. She felt confused, unable to command a tolerable response, a mild and impersonal gratitude. Her cheeks, hot with chafing, seemed to grow warmer still. "What dost thou want of me?" she cried. "I am no scarlet, yielding woman." She snatched the flowers from his hand and threw them to the wind. The gust took them, tossed them end over end, bent the stems and rolled them awkwardly along the ground. "Thou art unkind, to beleaguer me with thy idle attentions!" He hesitated, his head turned, frowning at her. Then heat came into his face; self-consciousness. "Beg... pardon." His expression was hot and stony. "Timms! Impert-nent... " The end of the word got tangled with a sound like an angry groan and laugh. He looked away, still trying to speak and failing, as if the words he wanted eluded him in the field beyond her. His lip curled, and he exclaimed, "Idiot." "Thou art not an idiot, no! Thou art a wicked, worldly man. I've known it since I've known thee. And it becomes worse and worse. Thy kisses and embraces!" She was growing feverish. "Thou art abominable." He looked out across the countryside, his eyes narrowed against the wind that blew his shirt and his hair. "That cannot be between us, dost thou understand?" she added with abandon, saying aloud what should have shocked her even to think. "I am born a Friend, Jervaulx. Thou art born a nobleman." She had only sullen silence for an answer. "Dost thou even know what would become of me? Thou dost not. Thou wouldst not even ask." She exhaled sharply. "Friends would disown me. It is our way." Still he did not answer. He had that proud blankness about him: his look without center, gone away, as he had gone away in the chancery court. "I would not be a Friend!" she exclaimed, frustrated by his lack of response. "I would be alone!" "No," he said unexpectedly. He turned and held his hand to her, palm upward, empty, a simple masculine offering. "Maddygirl. With... me." She gazed down at it. That sharp swelling pain rose up in her, stopped any more words and denials and explanations in her throat. She hurled herself away from him and ran quickly down the field, slipping on the slick green turf, sliding on her heels—almost but never quite falling, except in her heart. The worst of it was, he made her think of it. He filled her head with falsehood and fantasy; she dreamt not only of the garden that was not hers, but of living here with him—just the two of them and Papa, quietly, in peace and industry, with Maddy working in the house and garden and Papa and Jervaulx bent with heads together over their numbers and equations. Sometimes she imagined it was Jervaulx as she had known him that one brief night before his affliction, articulate and self-possessed and teasing; more often it was Jervaulx as he was now, except that when he fought with words and frustration, she could take his hand or touch him—and that vision led to vague and not-so-vague imaginings that made her feel stirred and licentious, ashamed. All day, Maddy avoided him meticulously. She threw herself into airing the bedrooms and cleaning the oak-paneled parlor, keeping Brunhilda with her. She spoke to Jervaulx only once, when she found him in the rector's cold and dusty study using an old pen and leaves torn out of sermon books to make mathematical notes. He had no fire, and the only light was through a vine-covered window. In her vexation at discovering him situated so uncomfortably, she ordered him rather sharply into the kitchen so that she and Brunhilda might make the room habitable. She would not look at him as he left, busying herself immediately with cobwebs. Brunhilda lingered at the door, and then suddenly turned and went away. She came back a quarter hour later, taking up the broom. She swept out beneath the desk and around the edge of the bookcases without a pause. "I could give an opinion to 'ee, Mistress, if 'ee was to want it." "Yes?" Maddy responded, expecting a household hint. "Ye oughtn't to speak so thoughtless to yer lad. There's some as it don't make any difference to, but there's some as do well with loving-kindness." Maddy bit down hard on her lip. She went on with her dusting. Brunhilda went on with her sweeping. "But yer older than me, Mistress," she said at length, "and you know best. Perhaps ye didn't see how he looked at 'ee." Maddy straightened the sheaf of writing paper that she'd found in a drawer. She set it in the middle of the desk, next to the freshly-cut pen. Brunhilda bent down. "He loves 'ee well," she said to the dustpan. "Ye ought not to cut at him for no reason, Mistress." "We need candles here," Maddy said, keeping any inflection from her voice. "Is there a pair of shears? I wish to trim away the ivy from the window." "Yes, Mistress," Brunhilda said. Evening brought Brunhilda's mother with fresh trout, a pudding, and cream for Jervaulx's chocolate, "Because Mr. Langland particularly likes it, my girl says." The countrywoman sat down with a heave of pink flesh and began cleaning fish. "Will ye be going to church or chapel, Missus?" "Brunhilda has not told thee I am a Friend?" "Aye, that she has. Chapel, then." "Is there not a meetinghouse near?" "There's a grand Unitarian chapel over at Stroud. Mind you, that's seven miles." Maddy smiled. "Perhaps I will stay here. I'm not accustomed to things very grand." "That's a shame, then. Ye'll never want to see our new church in the market town. 'Tis wonderful grand, with a great organ up to the eaves. The duke gave that. He had to, you see, to get the vestrymen to let him put up his library for the Mechanical Society. I must say, there's wise men and there's wise men, and our vestry are rare ones, nobody can gainsay it. It is a perfect spectacle, that organ." Maddy carefully cut a vegetable marrow. "What duke is this?" "The Duke of Jervaulx, it is. I blush to repeat it, but a wild bad scamp of a gentleman, so they say, sharp as needles, but for common sense, I can't vouch. All this land ye see still in sheep, that's his. Oh, but it vexes the large farmers, who think they could do better with it. For myself, I don't say I know. I shouldn't like to see it change, not at my age. But I don't mind to say I'm glad to have this old place dusted out. The Reverend Durham is your relative, Missus Langland?" "He is Francis Langland's friend," Maddy said. "What a remarkable fashion you people do talk, then. To call your own husband by all his Christian name that way." Maddy bent over her slicing. "It is a public testimony. Not to give worldly compliments, nor to lie and call a man our master when he is not." The older woman chuckled roundly. "Ye don't call your husband master?" Maddy kept her face down. "No," she said, in a muffled voice. "Don't ye indeed. My girl says he's a powerful handsome lad, very gentleman-like." "Yes," Maddy said. "But his mind is weak." She put down the paring knife. "His mind is not weak. He has been ill." "Without doubt, without doubt," Brunhilda's mother said in a comfortable tone. "That gawkhammer girl of mine, 'tis her mind needs improvement. But it's a good heart. He's already a great favorite with her, you know. Wouldn't have nothing but that I stop with his cream directly I finished the skimming." "It's kind of thee." "Think nothing of it, Missus Langland. I am glad to do it. The rector doesn't come but once a year, and says his lesson to the Widow Small's chickens that have wandered into the old parish church, and troubles nobody. If I can do anything for him, I will do it." Maddy looked at her uncertainly, not sure if this was meant sarcastically, but the woman was working with a pleasant smile on her round face. "My William is on the vestry," she added, "and he tells me that a meddling rector is the very worst thing this parish might have. In particular as the duke is a rash clever man and appoints the living, there is no saying what might come of it. We were all on pins, I'll tell you that, but we like the Reverend Durham very well." The sound of a dog barking plagued Maddy's dreams. It seemed to grow louder and louder, until it was someone pounding on a distant door. She rolled over in bed, opening her eyes to gray dawn filtering through the leaded glass. The door pounding was real. So was the dog; she heard it clearly. Catching up her cloak for a robe, she hurried across the hall through an empty bedroom to look down in the weak light outside the window. Squinting through the sleep in her eyes, she could just make out a chaise below, the horses steaming, but the jut of the old stone porch obscured its occupants. Another dog joined the first in barking. The pounding suddenly stopped. Brunhilda, surely—and a man's voice—Durham? But he'd hardly been gone long enough to turn around and come back. Maddy ran out and reached the top of the stairs just as a black and white dog came loping up the stairwell and tangled itself about her legs. "Miss Timms! Instantly!" It was Durham at the bottom, shouting for her as cold air rushed up from below. "They're just behind me! We must go instantly!" Jervaulx was already down, haphazardly dressed in a farmer's overcoat Brunhilda had got from the ready-made clothes shop at the market town. The maid stood in her cloak and apron as if she'd just arrived, looking as confused as Maddy felt. Durham came up the stairs two at a time and caught her hand, pulling her with him. Maddy had to put all her thought for the moment into keeping her balance; when they reached the foot she saw Colonel Fane, encloaked in blue over his scarlet uniform, standing in the entranceway as dry snow blew in the open door. Durham propelled her right out into it in her nightgown and shoes with no stockings. The wind hit her, stinging cold, but she had no time to think of it as Colonel Fane grabbed her round the shoulders and forced her to a run with him, half-lifting her from the ground to keep her apace. "What is it?" she cried, trying to turn behind and look. "Have they come for the duke?" "Hot pursuit," he shouted, pulling her along, then suddenly sweeping her up bodily as if she were no heavier than a bag of goosedown. "Got to make the church." The steeplehouse stood black against the cold dawn, little lacings of snow clinging to the stones and sills. Colonel Fane reached the porch and set her down just as Jervaulx and Durham arrived, Brunhilda in tow, a confusion of people and dogs in the entryway until Durham shoved open the heavy arched door and they all stumbled inside in a sweep of wind and snow. He rammed the massive wooden bar into place, sending booming echoes through the vaulted space. The thin light of dawn was all color and darkness inside, the stained glass bright slits that marched to a glorious round window of rose and gold and blue above a cross and a barren table, leaving everything else in shadow. From somewhere, chickens muttered sleepy cackles, and a white hen fluttered up and balanced on the rail at the front of the church, eyeing them blandly. Devil stared at it, his body quivering with interest. "Miss Timms," Durham said, breathing hard, "they're not a quarter hour behind us. I met Fane on the road—there's no time to explain, but we only have one hope. One. Ma'am—you've got to marry him. Now. Instantly. I can do it." Maddy stood in her gown and cloak, speechless. "I know it's sudden. I'd hoped to avoid it, to find some other way, but they've run us to ground far sooner than I'd expected. Miss Timms—they can take him. I can't stop it, nor Fane—we're nothing to him under the law. They can take him back." "But—canst thou not hide him? Take him farther away?" "No time. No time, Miss Timms! Do you hear that? Fane, check the doors—bolt 'em all! That's them—their horses!" Indeed, over the moan of the wind, Maddy heard what might have been the clatter of hooves on the little bridge below, but a moment later it was gone. Brunhilda was all eyes. "I hear it!" she whispered. "Please!" Durham said to Maddy. "For the love of God, Miss Timms—you're the only one we can count on. Five minutes it'll take—and you'll be his nearest relation under the law. They can't touch him if you say them nay." "But—it's impossible! I'm a Friend!" "I don't care if you're a bloody Hindu. It's our only hope. A madhouse, ma'am! It was you who brought him out of it. You know it as no else does." "Thou dost not understand! I can't be married by a priest—in a steeplehouse! Only to satisfy a law! I can't! We must try to hide him!" Durham abruptly walked away. Maddy clutched her freezing hands under her arms. She glanced at the duke. He was watching his friends as they checked the other entrances. When he looked at her slantwise, their eyes met—instant raw sensibility—she hadn't known if he understood what Durham wanted, but in that glance, she knew that he did. He was stiff and proud; he said nothing, no petition, no plea for help—as distant as he had been since she had left him on the hill. The sound that had been faraway and unreal a few moments before took a sudden shape—the sharp clatter of iron shoes on stone outside the door, and men shouting. The hens flapped. Devil barked, and Brunhilda yelped, "Who is it?" as the great latch rattled, but the wood muffled the voices outside beyond understanding anything more than excitement and anger. Durham strode back. "Too late!" he snapped. "God damn it!" The pursuers abandoned the main door. A side entrance shook under their assault, and the obscured voices outside grew bellicose. The dog Cass ran toward it, growling. There seemed to be a multitude of them; the other side door rattled at the same time. The chickens panicked, running about the floor, ducking in and out of the railings. Devil lost his composure and began to chase them, barking frantically. Brunhilda gasped. Maddy turned to see Colonel Fane come down the aisle, drawing his sword. Durham unsheathed another from his walking stick, then pulled a pistol from inside his coat and delivered it to Jervaulx. "No!" Maddy couldn't get beyond that one word in her horror. She tried to catch Jervaulx and Durham both at once. The duke was already beyond her, but she clung to Durham's sleeve. "Ye must not! No!" He jerked away. "What do you suggest instead, Miss?" He could barely be heard over the sound of the assault on the doors and the barking dogs. He took up a station at the front, where the wood shook as if it were alive. Maddy turned around, saw Colonel Fane defending the left entry and Jervaulx kneeling down behind a box pew, his arm braced on the side, taking aim at the last door. Devil's yelping barks resounded amid poultry squawks. She strode to the front of the church, scattering hens as she mounted the step and turned. "No!" she shouted, as loud as she could shout it. "Ye will not do violence—none of ye!" They all turned to look at her. Even Devil scrabbled out from beneath a pew, silenced, a chicken feather hanging from his nose. "Leave those—weapons—where ye are. And come!" Durham was the first to do it. He dropped his sword to the floor. Colonel Fane sheathed his; he followed Durham to the raised place at the railing where Maddy had stopped. She glared over them at Jervaulx, who finally, with haughty leisure, rose and laid the pistol down on the wide box rail in front of him. The pounding on the doors had stopped. Even the voices outside grew dimmer, as if they had drawn off to a consultation. "Jervaulx," Maddy barked, "I have received from the Lord a charge to love thee. Thou art my husband, and I am thy wife, helpsmeet, with no rule but love between us." The three men looked up at her as if she had gone mad. Brunhilda stood behind them, shivering, pressing her apron over her mouth, only a red nose and huge eyes visible. "That is all that I am led to say at present." Maddy glared back. Durham seemed to come to sudden awareness. He fumbled in his coat and pulled out a little book, stepped up beside her, leafed through it to a marked page, and began to read the priests' marriage ceremony. Someone outside started to pound on the front door again, this time far louder, with an implement more solid than a human hand. Devil crouched, staring toward the door, growling. As Durham came to the part in the vows where the man was to repeat, Jervaulx looked up at Maddy with a wild and bitter arrogance—and for a moment she did not think he would even try. "Will!" he sneered. "I... Christian Richard Nicholas Francis Langland... take thee... Maddygirl—Maddy... ah... Arc... ma... Maddygirl... Timm... to have... to hold... from this day... forward... for better... for worse... for rich... for poor... in sickness... in health... to love... to cherish... till death us... do part... according to God's... holy. Thereto... I plight thee... my... troth!" Durham shuffled in the book. "Ah—um—that's right, Shev old man." He raised his voice above the rhythmic boom on the wooden door. "Precisely right. Forgot to take her by the hand, but that don't matter. And now—Miss Timms, would you prefer to repeat after me?" "I have said what I am led to say." He frowned a little, and then shrugged. "Good enough. All right. The ring part comes next. Fane?" Colonel Fane had been standing complacently, hand on his sword hilt. When Durham looked at him, an absurd expression of dismay spread across the soldier's face. "Oh Good God, Fane. You forgot." "No! Just now... I give." Jervaulx scowled at him fiercely. "You think!" The colonel looked bewildered, and then brightened. "Got the papers," he said, pulling them out and offering them to Durham. His friend snatched them. "You hopeless block. We'll have to use Shev's signet." Durham consulted the book, then glanced expectantly at the duke. "You're supposed to hand it to her. She gives it to me, and I bless it." Jervaulx looked down at his hand, where the gold signet made a dull spot of richness against his dark clothes. There was a pause in the onslaught at the door, and then one sudden strike, crashing sound around the little church. Devil barked once and ran toward it. The chickens clucked excitedly, cowering under pews. Jervaulx shoved his ring hand out to Maddy, palm up. The cold made her fingers clumsy. As she worked the signet free, his skin seemed warm against hers, his hand large and steady. The ring fell into her palm. She would have handed it to Durham, but Jervaulx caught it up from her hand and pushed it onto her finger, where it hung so loose that he had to hold it there. "Ring... I... thee wed." He looked up into her eyes as if daring her to dispute it. A single yelp came from somewhere at the back of the church, and a chicken flapped up into a candle stand, leaving Devil standing on his hinds legs in frustration. "I will wear it," Maddy said, "as God charges me to do." "I was supposed to bless it first," Durham protested. "None but our Lord may do that," Maddy said. "Well, all right. But it's in the book. Let's keep the thing a little straight here." The pounding began again, this time at a side door. Durham raised his voice. "Is it quite acceptable to you if I lead us in a prayer, Miss Timms? I am ordained, if it helps." The wood of the side door began to give with a piercing crack. Both dogs rushed to it, raging and bristling. "Hurry!" Maddy snapped. "Oh, hurry!" Brunhilda echoed. "Eternal God... everlasting life... Never mind the prayer." He ran his finger down the book. "Hmm... hmm... ah." He reached down and awkwardly joined Maddy's hand with the duke's, having trouble juggling the book at the same time. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." He had to find his place again. The side door suffered another strike and cracking rift. "Forasmuch as Christian—Damn, Shev, what's the rest of your bloody name? Christian Richard, et cetera, et cetera, the Duke of Jervaulx and Archimedea Timms have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company—" The door gave again, and he began to speak faster. "—and thereto have given and pledged their troth—" Another crack of breaking wood. "—each-to-the-other-and-have-declared-the-same-by-giving-and-receiving-a-ringand-by-joining-hands—" The door shuddered, splitting. "—Ipronouncethattheyaremanandwife-inthenameofthe-Father-andoftheson-andoftheHolyGhost. Amen!" Just as if it had been a stage play in a street fair, the door gave way. Brunhilda screamed. Their pursuers burst into the church.
"La! Oh, Mistress!" Brunhilda made her way through the pack of men in the rectory hall to Maddy, curtsying at each step. "Oh, m'lady—ought I to call 'ee lady? Oh, Mistress! I didn't know! I swear I didn't!" Maddy held her cloak tight about herself, terrified that it would be discovered she was in her nightgown. She was feeling odd and unreal, the full impact of what she'd done slowly creeping through her bones. In the church it had seemed a logical action; the need to prevent an outbreak of violence had overridden any other concern. The picture of Jervaulx, his pistol aimed at the door, his face cold and still—Maddy knew he would die before he'd return to Blythedale; in one electrified instant she'd seen what would happen when the men broke through that door—and surely... .surely... she had done the only thing she could do to prevent it. And now it must be carried through. She couldn't stand up and announce that it was all a farce, performed in a moment of terror. She must be the Duchess of Jervaulx, and calmly stand by him, and speak for him, and maintain that she would not allow his family—his real family—to overrule his wishes and hers. "We did not tell thee," she said to the maid. "I'm sorry for it. 'Twas a wicked deception." "Oh, no. It don't matter, Mistress. Long as he was pledged to 'ee. Perhaps, you being Quaker, his noble folk don't like it? I don't blame 'ee, Mistress, for wedding in secret. Me aunt 'n uncle did just the same, living tally 'till they could afford to be churched. And you kept separate rooms of a night; I can swear to that myself." She smiled shyly. "Now ye needn't to do that no more, with such a handsome lad to kiss 'ee an' keep 'ee warm! The duke! I don't hardly believe it's true. Mr. Langland—well, he's not what ye'd think, is he? 'Tis blowed about from pillar to post that the Duke of Jervaulx's a clever man. Are ye—" She hesitated. "Are ye certain 'tis the real duke, m'lady?" "Yes," Maddy said, with at least that to say truthful. "Thou must not call me lady." "What'm I t'call ye, Mistress?" "'Your Grace,'" Durham supplied, shoving two mugs of foaming ale into Brunhilda's hands. "Our guests are thirsty." "Yes, sir. I'll bring up a tray." She took the mugs and turned toward the cellar. Durham, when he left off his lazy airs and suddenly took to action, gave a person no time to think. Not only had he declared to the dowager's half dozen henchmen that Maddy was the new Duchess of Jervaulx, he'd even managed to march them all, along with horses and dogs, across the churchyard and into the rectory hall, ready to drink a wedding breakfast. For all their shouting and pounding, the men didn't seem very much concerned about the failure of their mission. The promise of strong spirits for celebration appeared to succeed in making them forget it entirely. In the rectory, Durham had immediately accosted Maddy and Brunhilda in the matter of where to locate this fountain of hospitality, and the three of them came back up from the cellar just as Brunhilda's mother arrived in the midst of everything, red-cheeked from cold and astonished at the company. Jervaulx was nowhere to be seen, but Colonel Fane was loudly informing the bewildered matron of the special nature of the occasion: the nuptials of the Duke of Jervaulx. "Oh, him," she said, looking a little less perplexed. "Wish'en joy, then. Do 'ee all know Himself, sir?" "Indeed, my dear. Very well. Ah! And here she is—the blushing bride!" The colonel swept out his arm with a gallant little bow toward Maddy, as if they were spectators at a parade and he were pointing out the King. The countrywoman turned to him, laughing. "What a humbug! That's only Mistress Langland." Colonel Fane leaned over and whispered in her ear. She listened. She put her thumbnail to her mouth and stared at Maddy, turned white and then red. Maddy clutched the cloak tight round herself, painfully aware of having no bonnet, of her hair hanging down her back in its single loose nighttime braid. The woman drew in a breath, seeming to waver between shock and disapproval. "Souls alive!" She finally shook her head. "The wonder of this life. I'd best see to the victuals, then, for that gawkhammer girl won't know what to do with herself. The whole village will come calling 'fore the day's out. Long life and happiness to ye, M'lady. And to Himself." She dropped a curtsy and turned toward the kitchen. "So where the devil is Himself?" Durham looked at Maddy. She already knew that Jervaulx was nowhere in the room. "I'll look upstairs," she said, thankful for a chance to get away. The upper hall seemed quiet after the cheerful babble of male voices below. She found him in his room, dogs at his feet, attempting to shave. He was in his shirtsleeves, wearing his velvet breeches, his collar open, standing at the looking glass over the fireplace mantel and scowling. His face was lathered on one side—the other had a few patches of foam, as if he had only remembered now and then that he had to put soap there, too. Maddy stuck her finger outside her cloak and tested the water in the basin. "Thou ought to have it hot," she said. He startled, glanced the wrong way in the mirror, and then found her by turning around. Maddy couldn't bring herself to look directly at him. They both stood awkwardly for a moment, and then he moved to his chair and sat backwards in it, as he always did for her to shave him. She plunged into the task as if it were mere laundry or dusting, brisk and efficient; she would not think of what she had done; she would not pay attention to how still he sat, how he watched her, how warm and clean his skin smelled. Mostly, she would not look into his eyes, because they were so dark and blue and intent on her as she struggled with the difficult double task of keeping her cloak closed tight around her and shaving him at the same time. She finished. He caught the towel from her and cleaned his face himself, rising from the chair. Maddy turned to straighten his coat—he'd got out the brown velvet; the embroidered waistcoat and blue ribbon and star lay beside it on the bed. She realized suddenly that he thought all the regalia appropriate for the occasion. And for some reason, that seemed to make it quite, quite real, this marriage. He had not wed her in his splendid clothes, but now, as if he knew what Brunhilda's mother had predicted, that the whole village would come—now he dressed the duke. And she was to be his duchess. Facing away from him, she looked down at herself, still in her borrowed nightgown under the cloak, her braid hanging behind her to her knees. They would laugh at her—married in a nightgown, with no bonnet. Married to a duke. Married by a priest. Married in a steeplehouse. Married—married—married... to him. She felt a little dizzy. When she turned about, Jervaulx was watching her. She took a deep breath, pulled her cloak close, and held up the waistcoat to him. He caught her hand inside the fabric. "Wife," he said. "I am no duchess." She hardly knew if she were apologizing or protesting. He found the massive band of the signet ring under the silk and turned it upright on her finger. "Mine." She pulled her hand away. "As thy dogs are thine? I'm not thy possession, Jervaulx, because I wear thy ring." With a flick, he took the waistcoat from her hand and shrugged it on. He worked at the buttons with one hand, making little progress but not asking for help. Maddy finally pulled it closed and attempted to button it for him. With her cloak to mind, too, she was having almost as much trouble as he'd had. After she'd struggled unsuccessfully for a long moment, he made an exasperated grimace. He caught her hands and wrenched the cloak free. He held it out, exposing her. Maddy tried to snatch the wrapper back, but he was stronger; his quick jerk popped the clasp open. Her shield slipped away. He scanned the nightgown—and then leaned his back against the bedpost, carelessly superb in his silk and lace as he made a slow inspection of her. A very faint smile curled one side of his mouth. "Come," he commanded, standing up. When she didn't instantly obey, he reached out and yanked her with him, escorting her forcefully down the hall past the stair to her own room, the dogs trotting complacently ahead and behind. Jervaulx flung open the wardrobe himself. He stood looking into it at her silver dress. "All?" he demanded, turning with his brows raised, as if Maddy must be hiding a roomful of ball gowns somewhere. "Yes," she said. "Dress... wife." He made a little bow. "Pleasure." Maddy's eyes widened. She felt herself growing hot. "I shall dress myself, I thank thee. If thou wilt go!" He tilted his head—an instant of confusion—and then suddenly grinned. "Buy dress... say. Dozen. Hundred." "Oh." She felt mortified. "I—mistook thee." He went toward the door. Maddy expected him to leave; instead he let the dogs out and closed it, turned about and leaned back. There was no visible expression to his mouth, but the ghost of his pirate smile was in his eyes. "Thou must go," she said quickly. "It is not seemly." He made a look of surprise. "Not? Seem... nurse... me. Not... husband... wife?" "We aren't—truly... we are not... " She couldn't bring herself to say it. Something unalterable came into his face, a new and adamant focus. "Before God... Maddygirl. I thee... wed." She turned away. "I don't see how it could be true. I'm sure it cannot be. It is to dupe the men below only." He was silent. Maddy looked at the bed hangings, at the venerable red fabric, faded on the outside of each fold, the tarnished trim, the tangle of unmade bedclothes that she'd left in her hurry. She felt hideously aware of herself, of her body inside thin linen, her plait trailing down her back and hips. The floor creaked. She felt him come behind her, standing close. She stood still, frozen in place. He tugged on her braid. He drew it lightly taut, exerting steady pressure on the connection. It didn't hurt. It teased her. She might have pulled away as he idled with it, gentle tugs that courted her, coaxed each tiny yield in his direction. She knew it. She stood with her face averted, burning, aware of how she allowed it. He twitched the plait, sending a ripple up to the nape of her neck. "Maddygirl," he said softly, with that wicked smile in his voice. She shook her head, as if it had been a question and she must answer no. He moved closer. She could feel the warmth of him at her back. He lifted the braid over her shoulder and curled it round her throat. Slowly, slowly, he increased the pull. Maddy put her hand to her throat, clutching the braid, holding it from growing tighter. Her hips touched him, her back. She grew stiff, frantic and fixed in place. He caught her shoulders. He held her against him, a domination, his breath rough beside her ear—and then his hard grip turned to a caress. He smoothed his hands down her sleeves, laced his fingers through hers, covering her hands with his palms. A low hum, deep music, like his laughter: the sound he made as he touched his mouth to her bared throat seemed to touch a note inside her, turning quiver to resonance. He lifted his arms, their hands still enlaced, and crossed them against her breasts. Her braid lay over her shoulder and their hands. He toyed with the tip of it. He held it in one fist and ran his thumb against it. The single strand of hair, the tiny thread that she'd looped tight to hold it—the strand broke, and the plait came free. He made a sound, low and hot. And then he released her—before she could find herself in his embrace, before she could say what it felt like—only that he was solid and tall and heated and catastrophic, only that she felt bare and hollow when he let her go. He moved past her. He lounged against the bed, holding her loosened braid. As he rubbed it between his fingers, the plaiting spread and curled over his hand. He sat on the edge of the unmade bed, smiling down at her hair in his hands. "Tower," he said, "Girl... tower." "I don't understand. I must dress." He opened his fingers, working the braid apart higher and higher. "Let... down... thy hair. Shining... hair." He shook his head. "Girl. Can't remember... girl." "Thou must go away." Her voice was light and shaky. With each fraction of an inch that he moved up the length of the braid, unplaiting it, he pulled her that much closer to him. "Maddygirl." He worked steadily. "Princess... tower. Lock. Lonely. Prince... outside... no stair." His knee touched her. He had reached halfway, spreading her hair loose below her waist. "Call... lonely... fairy princess... let down thy hair. Beautiful hair. Long. Climb up... come up to me." He brought her closer. She stood now between his legs, her plait undone higher yet. He leaned forward, blowing against it where it lay over her breast, sliding his fingers into it there, drawing them down the whole length. "Come up to me." He blew again—and then touched his lips to the fall of her hair, a soft pressure at the tip of her breast, a stolen instant of contact, so brief and exquisite that she shuddered, flinched back when he kissed her other breast as lightly, but his arm was there at her waist to hold her. "Maddygirl," he whispered, with that heavy moan in his throat, burying his face in her breasts, drawing his hands downward to touch them. "Shine... princess." He held his palms to her shape, his hair black against the whiteness of her gown. She pulled back, refusing. "No. I cannot." His fingers tightened, locked at her waist. His lips moved over her breasts, her throat. "Mine." He was so close; he shattered her, made her strange to herself. Her body pulsed and ached, wantonly bared to him. She strained away. "I am not thine. It was not a true marriage." The line of his mouth changed. His grip hardened. "Yes. True." "Not for me." "True." "No." He looked at her, blue flame and blackness, utterly still. "I told thee," she said, holding her arms close, pressing back. "I told thee before. It is impossible." Her voice was shaking. Shivers ran down her limbs, and she pulled them tighter yet. "Church." He let go of her so suddenly that she took a step to catch herself. "Church... say... husband I... wife. I... say... I thee wed. Love, honor, cherish, death. Say." He rose from the bed. "Lie?" She wet her lips. "Forgot?" His mouth made a scornful curve. He turned away. "'Jervaulx... received... Lord... a charge. Love. Husband I... thy wife.'" At the window, he leaned his forearm on the side of the deep, uncurtained recess. Gray light shone on him from the half-open shutter. "I... remember." "Thou wouldst have done violence. Thou wouldst have shot at those men. I was afraid... " For thee—but she did not say it. "I was afraid of violence." He smiled bitterly. "False word, Maddygirl? All... lies?" If she turned her head, she could see her hair unbraided, spreading free over her shoulder in a fan of his making. "I don't know," she said. "I don't know! How can it be God's will, for me to marry thee?" He stood at the window, lace and gilt and extravagant comeliness, the light falling on his dark hair and lashes, as sensual as his kisses, as his hands on her skin. "Done. Why... not... will?" A simple question—and there was nothing simple in him. Or in her, anymore. "I don't know," she whispered again. "Done." He leaned one hand on the headboard. "Marry. Wife." He pushed away and went to the door. Before he opened it, he looked back at her. It was a command, that look, and a challenge. He dared her to deny it. "Jervaulx," she said slowly, "answer me this. In the church—if I had stood between thee and the other men... wouldst thou have shot?" "Between," he repeated, tilting his head intently. "My body... myself... between thee and the others." His face changed, grew watchful. "If I had stepped between," she asked again, "would I have stopped thee from killing?" He kept a long silence. And then, clipped, he said, "Yes." Her heart sank. There had been another way. She had done the wrong thing after all. "Even if—it meant thou hadst gone back to Blythedale Hall?" "Yes." She had erred. She should have practiced a submissive nonresistance instead of taking authority into her own hands. She had only substituted one evil for another. He came to her across the room and pulled her chin up between his fingers. "Maddygirl," he said. "Never... stand between. Never." She pulled her face away. "I cannot promise thee." "You answer... me," he said. "Stand between—don't kill... let... take, Maddygirl?" He caught her again, held her painfully hard. "That place? God's... will?" No. That answer was clear, so suddenly clear—her inner voice speaking sure. The turmoil of doubt inside her relaxed. She had done right. There had been two choices, two inevitable outcomes: to marry and keep him free, or to forbid strife only—and let him be seized and chained. She had done what God wished, then: married him—and therefore it must be a true marriage. "I would not let them take thee, Jervaulx, if I could stop it," she said. "That is the Truth." His hold eased. She could have told him more. She could have told him that now she was certain that the words in the church were words in the Light, and therefore she would live in their commitment. She didn't. But she remembered the thing she had said in the steeplehouse better than he. With no rule but love between us, she had avowed. And Jervaulx, she thought, even after Blythedale Hall, recognized no rule but his own. Perhaps there was a reason that God asked this of her. It had been a great commitment, to be made in an instant. But she would wait to explain, because Jervaulx was a duke, and a child of the world, and not yet ready to understand. Late in the day, as the carriage lumbered up over the top of a steep grade in the Welsh foothills and started down the other side, she came upon the first full consequence of the course she had taken. "There," Jervaulx said. Maddy had already seen it from out the carriage window. It burst upon the mind: floating on the ridge across the valley—a white circuit of towers, a dazzling and disorganized necklace strung of stone, half-tangible, huge and yet weightless, cloud drift and shadow and turrets melded into a daydream, a pale and glowing vision of fantastical chivalry. It was wild and translucent, like a vanishing reverie that somehow did not disappear but became more substantial as they drew closer. The white walls glittered, hundreds of windows in the upper towers catching the late sun as the carriage descended into the valley below. Durham grinned at Maddy from the forward seat. Colonel Fane stretched out his legs as far as he politely could and asked, "When's supper?" Jervaulx exclaimed, "Home," in a voice that resonated with love and satisfaction. Maddy looked at the castle. It was beautiful. Against the sky and the hills, it was a proclamation. It declared power, announced wealth, blazed luxury—not in a shout, but in a song. There was a reason God had asked this of her, she repeated to herself. She had done the right thing. She was terrified.
Christian leaned his head against the carved back of a chair that had been given by Queen Elizabeth to his great-grandfather eight times removed. It was something of a throne itself, though made for a shorter man, with an unlucky projection in the claw of the phoenix crest that always poked Christian in the left ear if he was not careful. The footman took away his plate. He watched the firelight gleam through his wineglass while Fane rambled on about horses—a clumsy topic with a lady present, Christian thought, which reminded him that he was host and responsible to do something about it. For three and a half centuries, the earls and dukes of Jervaulx had presided over the table in the Great Chamber. It was four floors up over the gatehouse, a hundred and fifty feet above the base of the cliff that dropped away below, with a bank of windows that commanded the border for twenty miles in both directions. He could remember all that, but he could not depend on his own tongue to say something civilized. Maddygirl, seated at the foot of the long table, had her eyes lowered. She looked strangely small and meek. He decided that he had to do something about the overly masculine conversation. "Tired... day... Maddygirl?" he asked, interrupting Fane mid-sentence, because he couldn't time his words to a pause but had to take them when they came. She looked up. "Little," she said, barely audible in the large room. "Course is," said another voice. Christian remembered Durham on his right and glanced that way. He'd known Durham was there; it was just that he sometimes forgot it if he didn't keep looking. "Long fatigue journey, ontop wedding," Durham added. "Won't dawdle port." "Port," Christian said, "drawn room." "Excellent notion," Fane agreed, nodding sagely. "Port in the drawing room ladies." He cleared his throat. "Retire early." All three of them looked at Maddy, expecting her to rise. She looked back, absurdly small in her chair that matched Christian's, with the phoenix wings poised above her head. Durham figured it out before Christian did. "Duchess, fellows can't get uptil give word," he said kindly. She stood, and the rest of them followed suit. She still appeared hesitant. Christian went down the table and took her arm. He escorted her into the adjacent drawing room, where the shutters had been closed and the drapes let down to hold the heat from the big stone fireplace. The dogs leaped up from their rug before the fire, tails wagging in welcome. With a sharp syllable, Christian made them sit. Maddy appeared to be more concerned with the tips of her toes than with the rich tapestries of bacchanals and war that decorated all the inner walls. She took the chair he offered without the usual compliments on their fineness. She seemed, in fact, entirely disinterested in her new home. Christian was accustomed to giving the history of the place to house guests; he had his short, medium, and comprehensive discourses on the topic, depending on whether it was merely after-dinner small talk, or a full-scale tour. He was to be spared either, it appeared, which he found rather vexing, even knowing he would have made a hash of the business. "Fane myself off town morning," Durham said, backing up to the fire. Maddygirl showed the first sign of life that she'd shown since their arrival, turning to Durham. "Thou take letter me?" "Certainly. If you wish." "Please. To my father." "Father?" Durham hesitated. He met Christian's eyes. "Thou'lt have to read him," she said apologetically. "If be so good." Durham had a helpless expression. He fidgeted. "Course—must understand may be short trip—" "Write," Christian interrupted. He went to the table and found pens and paper; spread them out on the writing desk and carried a candle to it. "Maddygirl write. Durham calling... Timms." He gave Durham a meaningful look. "Ask... Timm comes here." The pleasure and relief in her face gratified him. "Oh—can come here?" "Your... home. Come... live... do you want?" A pink flush rose into her cheeks. "Father—live here?" "Yes." She dropped her eyes. "Want?" Christian asked again. She lifted them. "Yes! Want him me. Only—so strange. Here? I can't—become accustomed." Christian picked up the pen. "Write," he said. She gathered her skirt and took the place he'd created. He stood beside her for a moment, and then walked away. He wanted to write to her father himself, but was afraid he couldn't do it. Not now. It had been mortifying enough to sign his name to the parish register—he wasn't certain yet that he'd spelled all of it right. He'd kept losing part of it in his hurry. In private he would write, when he could take time and make the sons-of-bitches letters come out straight. The door from the Great Chamber opened and the steward appeared with coffee and port. Christian motioned for him to serve Maddy at the writing table. He would not speak to the staff unless he had to do it. So far it had been surprisingly easy—Jervaulx ran like clockwork: from the moment the carriage had swept beneath the gatehouse, the mechanism had gone into motion. The party had been met in the hall by the steward and housekeeper—Christian had only to present Maddy on his arm with four words that he'd been practicing under his breath from Gloucester to the border. The Duchess of Jervaulx. He had a feeling that he'd forgot the little words, but he'd got out the important ones with a suitable authority. The head servants had instantly responded with proper courtesies and their names. Now Calvin Elder acknowledged Christian's silent nod with immediate compliance, pouring Maddy's coffee and placing it next to her on the table. Christian reckoned he could rely on the fact that a substantial breakfast would be laid at the usual time in the morning, and rooms had been made ready for Durham and Fane. A thought struck him. As Calvin Elder withdrew to the door, having left the port, Christian followed him into the Great Chamber. He held the door closed behind him. "Tonight... bedchamber," he said. "My... duchess... chamber." That wasn't right. Christian felt heat in his face. Not his duchess; he'd meant his chamber. She'd sleep there. After an excruciatingly long moment, he got out, "The bed." Christ! Coarse idiot. "The room... duchess. She is... " Another interminable pause. "Mine." Worse and worse. He gave it up, glaring at the steward. Calvin Elder put his hands behind his back and bowed. "As you say, Your Grace." Furiously embarrassed, Christian retreated to the drawing room. Fane helped himself to the port, while Durham still rocked on his heels by the fire. "Anything else want town for you, Shev?" Durham asked, accepting a glass from Fane. Christian took a breath. It tried him, wearied him, to batter at the wall of his weakness, but he had to keep going. "Tell." He groped for a way to say it. "Aunt Vest. Maddy... I thee wed." "Right," Durham said promptly. "Ready Philistines uponu, eh?" Upon him, indeed. His whole family, beginning with the she-dragon, as soon as they had the word. God's blood—his mother and sisters—they'd be in a frenzy. His jaw hardened into a sardonic smile. A silence fell. Maddy was oblivious, at work on her letter. Fane fondled Devil's ears assiduously, pushing the dog off his knees at every third stroke. Durham rocked gently before the fire. "Play me billiards, Colonel?" Durham asked suddenly. "Aye!" Fane looked cheerful at the notion. "Guinea game?" "What, think me a nabob?" Durham was already at the door, his port in one hand, the handle in the other. He gave Maddy a little bow. "Will excuse us, Your Grace?" She looked up at him. "Thou must not call your grace." "Duchess," he said placatingly. "Duchess, mean." "Archimedea," she said stubbornly. "Maddygirl," Christian suggested, with a slight smile. "Good night," Durham said. "Before dig this hole deeper. Wish you joy, Duchess-Archimedea-Maddygirl. You, Shev." Fane echoed his sentiment, settling for "ma'am" with reference to Maddy. "Dogs," Christian said. "Out." Fane whistled, the Pied Piper of the canine world, and the dogs hopped up and slipped through the open door with him. "Durham." Christian spoke as it was closing behind them. "Thank... " He wanted to say more, but the words would not come. In the shadow of the door, Durham turned his thumb up and grinned. The handle clicked shut. Christian poured himself a glass of port and sat down. He closed his eyes. A relief, to be alone. In his own place. He allowed himself to drift. His right hand tingled, the levy of exhaustion. He listened to the intermittent scratch of Maddy's pen, noting distantly that she didn't seem to be having an easy time with her letter. The familiarity of everything was bizarre: the way the place functioned even as he mangled and fumbled his orders. He felt at home, and yet an imposter—as if it were the not-real man who lived here, and the real one, himself, the muddled scared wounded one, belonged back in the bare room and the lunatic house with the other broken beasts. And yet the mad place itself had already receded to a bad dream—he was himself, normal; it was just that a part of his head was off in some obscure and misty cloudland, beyond reach. It was coming back. He had got here to Jervaulx, so it must be coming back. He could remember himself worse than he was now, but the now was so maddening, and the future... He had not until this moment even thought of a future beyond reaching home and safety, each moment unraveling before him, flashing past like a steeplechase, like riding hell-for-leather point to point, over strange country with the light failing and nothing to do but give her her head and pray—he smiled at himself with his eyes closed—but it had seemed that way, all a rush, obstacles and decisions and words that leaped up at him and then were gone, and he was over them and down on the other side. Over and down. Married. God. So far, it was all right. Everything was the way he'd envisioned it: home, safe, quiet. Loyal Maddygirl, hen-scratching at the writing table. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She had stopped her pen and held it poised, caressing her lips with the feather tip as she considered. She seemed very careful; from where he was he could see that she had not crossed out anything on her page, though there was plenty of paper for her to have composed all the drafts she liked. Christian always used reams of paper to get his thoughts down before he settled on a final version. He set his glass on the table beside him and watched her cautious authorship. He supposed that it was her Quaker upbringing, not to be extravagant. Or perhaps it was because she had learned economy in difficult circumstances. Or perhaps it was just Maddy, herself, and she was a natural pinchpenny. It came as a revelation to him that he didn't know, that he had married this young woman, neat and simple and plain except for her hair and her hedonistic eyelashes, and he knew almost nothing of her at all. Prim and decent, chaste, careful, loyal, moderately brave in some things, a lion in a few, and when he touched her, she fluttered—nice feminine flutter, modesty and passion. As he watched her, she put her tongue to the tip of the feather and stroked it thoughtfully, unselfconscious, all unknowing—and heat began a slow liquid dissolve in his loins. It could not quite banish the leaden weariness that held him down, but he took pleasure in imagination. He had time. She was his wife. Anytime, any place that he wanted. Here, if he liked. He smiled. He lay in the chair and pictured himself rising and going to her, taking down that amazing hair and letting it fall in a cascade to the floor—discarding the white spinster collar that hid her throat, pulling fastenings free; her stark dress in a confusion at her waist, her belly and breasts and shoulders all white and soft—and that hair... He drew a breath deep inside himself and let it go, almost but not quite a sound in his chest. He would take her here, he thought, right here in the drawing room, his duchess. He would push her skirts to her waist and touch her, kiss her; and she would flutter like a soft bird, flutter and sigh and stretch out her legs and lie back in her chair at the writing desk, that hair a sheen of firelight and honeyed ale from the arch of her throat to the Axminster carpet—bare feet and toes that would flex and dig into the silk as he tasted her—so sweet—warm secret curls, bright and saucy. And inside her, God, inside her... he imagined it... spreading for him, opening like a flower; in his mind the dress had disappeared and she was perfectly, gloriously naked, slim pretty nymph in the drawing room, eager, arching back in the chair and pulling him into her, her lips parted... wanting closer, wanting deeper and deeper and harder... The duke made a faint sound. Maddy finally put down her pen, defeated. She could not explain to Papa, not in any words that she would want Durham to read aloud. When she looked over at Jervaulx, he was sleeping, his head turned a little toward her, his face relaxed, as if he had pleasing dreams. Maddy could not help herself: he made her smile. His hands rested on the carved arms of his chair. On her own hand she felt his heavy signet, suspended inside her finger, too large—but not too large for him. His fingers were strong and sound; they made a slight twitch as he slept, a thing insignificant and private, an intimacy. He breathed deeply, quietly, not precisely even, still on the edge of full sleep—but as she watched, the rhythm eased into the cadence of profound slumber. His head declined a trifle lower to the side. She felt a rush of confusion and tenderness. It could not be true; it simply could not be. She was not his wife—the absurdity of the idea, the magnificence of this place, the food, the servants, the uncountable candles and paintings and crystal bowls of fruit and flowers, the great harp standing in a corner of the room, the endless corridors—there was even a water closet all richly tricked out in marble, and seventeen more elsewhere in the castle, all of the modern patent variety, as she had been informed matter-of-factly by the housekeeper. She could not be the mistress of this place. Something would happen that would prove it all to have been mistaken. The wedding, so hasty and preposterous—that would not be legal, even if Durham insisted that the special license he'd caused Colonel Fane to procure in anticipation of pursuit was in order. And even if it were, Friends would not accept it. When they found out, she would be disowned: married by a priest, in a church, without her father's permission—worst of all—married to a man of the world. Yet in his sleep, he did not look so diabolic. Earthly, yes: the sensual line of his mouth, the straight strong nose, the elegant jaw, his hair falling over his forehead—and those dark lashes, as long as a child's, but with a child's innocence made reckless in a man grown. Her words in the church had come from Quaker weddings she had attended—whether they were her own words or God's words in her, how was she to know? She could reason both ways: as she had reasoned this morning, that to refuse him was to condemn him to Blythedale Hall, or as seemed so apparent now—that there was no possibility she had any power to protect him, or any grounds to belong to this place. She had never been so unclear before, caught between what Friends would say and what seemed to hold her heart. For a long time, she watched him sleep. If it weren't for this place. If he were just an ordinary man. Just an ordinary man, for ordinary Archimedea Timms. A man the Meeting would approve, a practical garden and a bell-pull that worked. The Duke of Jervaulx in Plain Dress. Whenever pigs might learn to fly. Standing up softly, she pulled the bell-rope that adorned the duke's drawing room, a thick black cord of silk, braided and tasseled in gold. It worked. In a very few moments, the steward appeared, the door opening on oiled hinges. Dressed in long-skirted white satin livery, with his hawk nose and long chin, his stockings as white as his wig and coat, he bore a strong resemblance to the duke's butler in town—Maddy supposed the likeness of Calvin Elder to London Calvin was not coincidence. She gave him a small, embarrassed smile. "Your Grace wishes to retire?" he asked in a low voice. So late, in such a circumstance, it did not seem worthwhile to argue the title. She glanced uncertainly at Jervaulx, and then nodded. Calvin Elder turned, holding the door open for her. Maddy followed him, led from the rich warmth of the tapestried and firelit room into a frigid corridor illuminated by torches, the smoky light shining down upon polished suits of armor that lined the walls like a mute army. At the end, a broad stone staircase curved downward into blackness. Calvin Elder stopped at a small table, lit a candle that had been provided ready there, and started down. The candle's bobbing rays illuminated the arched vault overhead as they descended. At the foot of the stair, the ceiling abruptly gave way to a huge darkness: a hall, cold and resonating, in the dim candlelight bigger than the biggest meetinghouse she had ever been inside, bigger than a church, its vast space rising into unseen realms above where the peaks of soaring lancet windows were lost in gloom. Calvin Elder walked across it on soft slippers, but Maddy's sturdy shoes made crude clapping sounds that she could not seem to silence. The noise echoed: It almost seemed as if someone were following them as they crossed the vast floor—a thought that raised prickles on the back of her neck. At the other end, he led her two floors up a tight winding staircase, the uneven stone steps worn away in the middle by countless feet. Before she had caught her breath from that ascent, they went through a door into another blackness. The floor creaked beneath the carpet, and Maddy startled at the sudden looming up of a white face and staring eyes. Elder Calvin simply walked on, and his candle illuminated a bright haughty figure, a portrait of a man in studded armor and robes. Another rose up beyond it, a rich stilted profusion of jeweled cloth and pearl headdress, with a woman's pale and expressionless face beneath it. Maddy realized she was in a long gallery, icy, lined the whole length by these staring portraits. Their eyes followed her, appearing out of the shadow, lit for a moment by the passing candle, and fading into ghostly silence. The hairs on her scalp rose. She felt their antagonism like a living presence. Finally, through a door, another corridor, and Calvin Elder opened a room. He gave her a grave look. "The duchess' boudoir." Maddy did not think Calvin Elder approved of her much, either. They hid it well, he and the housekeeper Ellen Rhodes, but the staff must be in something of an uproar—perhaps even uncertain of the duke's sanity. Maddy thought she would have questioned it herself under the circumstances. She stepped meekly through. The room ought not to have shocked her after all the rest of the feudal splendor, but it did. The light from the single candle darted among huge shadows, glowing momentarily on walls hung in rose damask, plaster and gilt at the ceiling, abundant with chairs and plush settees. A fire smoked in the open hearth, helpless to warm the big room much better than the gallery and halls. Calvin Elder walked through and opened another door. "The bedchamber, Your Grace." Maddy followed him. Another outburst of luxury, this time in a bed with cloth-of-gold hangings lined in pale pink, the walls adorned by tapestries and silver sconces. She was becoming unnerved by it. Over the upholstered bench at the foot of the bed, her nightgown lay spread neatly, a plain white contrast to everything else in the room. "The bell-rope is here, Your Grace." He walked across, reaching to pull it. "A woman will come up to serve you." "Oh no. I need no one. I can... serve myself." He bowed. "The duke... " Maddy made a vague gesture, not sure which direction was the right one after all the halls and turns and staircases. "Is there someone to help him?" "When he doesn't bring his own man, His Grace has commonly preferred to valet himself on those occasions that he retires late. The staff is not to disturb him. His room has been made ready in the manner that he usually desires it." She had to make a conscious effort not to bite her lip. There was no guessing what the staff here had been told about Jervaulx's affliction, or if they knew anything at all. It would not be possible to hide for long. Calvin Elder looked a solemn inquiry at her. "Will a valet be required, Your Grace?" His expression said that it was unusual, unwelcome, and against all natural expectation—and that such oddities and anomalies were under particular scrutiny in the present circumstance. "No," she said. He bowed and withdrew. As soon as he was gone, Maddy wished he were still there with her. The candle he'd lit for her cast feeble light, doing little more than making the bed seem twice as large by its shadow on the ceiling. She quickly changed into her night rail and carried her dress and the candle into the smaller dressing closet off the bedchamber. As she was laying out her dress, she heard a sound in the bedchamber. She hastened out, glad of any company, expecting the duke. There was no one there. Something creaked behind her. She whirled around. The door of the dressing closet stood open, black now, empty. She didn't want to go back in it; she didn't want it to stand open like a gaping mouth. She slammed it shut, refusing to look inside. She set the candle on the bedside table, knelt down, and prayed very hard for common sense. She tried to find the Inner Light, but strange sounds, faint shuffles and breathings, sounds like nothing she'd ever heard in other houses, kept dashing her attention away from a calm concentration. She wished for Jervaulx. For Durham and Fane. For anyone. Using the gilt and bamboo steps, she climbed into the cold bed. It sank beneath her, enfolding her. The candlelight brushed a deep gleam of color on the underside of the canopy. She heard footsteps. They were above her—a sluggish step that crossed the room, paused overhead, and then moved on. They did not return. Maddy's eyes watered. She squeezed herself down in the bed. Oh. She didn't believe in ghosts. She did not. If only Jervaulx would come. Christian awoke chilly. The room had gone to shadows, the candles guttering, the fire a red glow of fading coals. It was hard to rouse; he kept drifting back into odd and forbidding dreams, but with a blank habit he got up and spread the coals out with a poker, snuffed all the candles, and went by feel through the door from the drawing room into his bedchamber. He was half asleep; he vaguely realized it when he couldn't unfasten his waistcoat. But it was too much trouble. In the dark his bed waited, turned down and warmed. He dropped his coat and his shoes and spread himself full length on it. He rolled over and pulled a pillow to him, got his feet beneath the bedclothes, and slid back down into the deep.
In the morning, Maddy found her own way as far as the immense medieval hall with its dark beams and stone walls. It was almost as forbidding as it had been last night, with its ominous height and echoing floor, the silent beams of light that fell down from slits of windows. Fortunately, she encountered Colonel Fane just entering it with the dogs and had their amiable escort and direction to the breakfast parlor. Durham was already there, engaged with porridge, which he was eating standing up, looking out a window that had a commanding view of the countryside. "Good morning, ma'am," he said cheerfully. "Have some kedgeree? India or China tea? Coffee?" Somehow, he had her seated at the head of the linen-covered table, serving her himself from the silver dishes on the sideboard, persuasive as always in his active mode. He sat down next to her and motioned Colonel Fane to pull up his chair. "We can talk private here—servants don't come unless we ring." He passed her cream. "How do you think it's going so far?" "I don't know," Maddy said. "I feel so—odd." Fane reached over and patted her hand. "Jitters. Marriage. First night's always the worst." Durham cleared his throat. "Really, Fane. Have a little delicacy." "Beg pardon!" The colonel flushed and busied himself with feeding a sausage to Devil. "Forgot myself." "What do you know about marriage anyway?" The colonel kept his eyes down. "Sisters. My mother said that to 'em. Begging your pardon, ma'am." "It's all right," Maddy said. "I would be glad of thy mother's advice. I haven't had my own mother for many years." "I'm sorry to know it, ma'am." His momentary embarrassment vanished. "Too bad mine ain't here. She'd set you straight on things in a snap." "Well, she ain't," Durham said. "Thank God." He looked at Maddy. "Shev coming along soon, do you think?" "I don't know." She looked down at the congealing porridge in her dish. "After ye left, he fell asleep in a chair. The steward said he doesn't usually have help when he retires, so I thought it best—I didn't want to make them wonder about him more than they do already—so I thought... " She pushed her plate away. "So I left him there!" she said all at once. "And I shouldn't have done so! It was because I was afraid of the steward and didn't want to ask where the duke would sleep, so I just went where I was taken, and he didn't ever come, and I couldn't find my way back!" An uncomfortable silence greeted this information. Maddy stood up and went to the window. Through the expanse of wavy antique glass, she could see all across the valley below, the trees and fields in morning shadow, the twisting glint of a river amid gray and brown. "Look at this," she said hopelessly. "Look at this place. No one will ever think I belong here. Oh... I want to go home!" She pressed her forehead against the casement. Devil came and nosed her hand. She pulled it away, hugging herself. "Archimedea," Durham said. "Shev's getting better, isn't he?" "Yes." "I could tell it. Even in a few days." She stared out the window. "Every day is better. When I first saw him at Blythedale Hall, he didn't speak at all." "So—perhaps soon—he'll be well. He'll pass their bloody hearing, and this will be over." She said nothing. "There are some obstacles directly before us," Durham acknowledged. "His family will come the instant I tell them. Lady de Marly—but you know about her. Shev thinks she won't mind the marriage; I don't know, but you'd best be prepared for anything. The rest of 'em—no doubt about it—I'd be lying if I told you there won't be the devil of a dustup—but if you will just stand firm—I'm sure there's nothing they can do. Nothing. If they try to haul him away—why, we'll call in the lord-lieutenant." "Shev is the lord-lieutenant," Fane said. "Egad, yes—must be. He owns the whole bleeding county. Is he Justice of the Peace too? But never mind—I'll find out. Just stand pluck—and we'll get through it to the other side." She whirled around. "What other side? There is no other side for me. I cannot be married to him. I cannot be a duchess!" Durham watched her intently. "You don't want to be a duchess... or you don't want to be married to Shev?" "Thou wilt not understand!" she cried. "I cannot! I cannot be either one. I will be disowned when Friends know of it." He nodded slowly. "I see." He took a breath. "I didn't know that. I knew you were a little disinclined by your beliefs." "Disinclined!" Maddy echoed. She turned back to the window and gave a small laugh. Devil jumped up onto the window seat and pressed himself against her. She could not help but stroke his head; it was the only way to prevent him from planting his paws on her shoulders and licking her face. "The marriage—" Durham hesitated. "That won't—be solace enough for your loss?" He asked it gently, but she could hear the argument in his voice. He thought wealth and a castle and being a duchess should compensate for anything. "Thou dost not understand," she said softly. "Thou wilt not understand." She stroked the dog's silken ears. "I will never belong here." "You have to give yourself a little time. You aren't accustomed. It's a big old haunt of a place, I know. Bloody cold, too. We've all got lost in it now and then." "Oh," she said, her voice trembling, "I'm lost right now." "He needs you." "Needs me? Dost thou truly think I can stop anyone from doing anything? Look at me. At this castle. No one would listen to me!" She bit her lip hard. She would not indulge in tears of weakness over what was already done. But if it were not done, not truly... She spoke without turning around. "I ask thee—is there a way to undo this marriage now? Is it too late?" There was a pause. "You wish to undo it?" "Yes." "Listen to me," Durham said. "Just for an instant, forget your religion. Forget everything but Shev. His family will find out he's here, whether I tell them or not. When they come, Fane and I can do our best, but if he can't speak, if he can't act for himself yet—they can put us out on our ear. But you—the Duchess of Jervaulx—you can put them out. You can protect him. Legally. Until he is himself again." "Art thou certain of that?" She stared at the sparkling river until her eyes began to hurt. Devil left her suddenly, pulling away and leaping down from the window seat. "It makes sense, don't it?" Durham asked. "Just let the thing stand. At least until he is well enough to protect himself." "Then there is a way to undo it." "Possibly." "Thou must tell me how." "Will you promise to stay as long as he needs you?" "Tell me how." "For God's sake, Maddy. Will you leave him?" "Tell me!" She gripped her hands into fists. The river made her eyes water, so bright and silvery in the winter landscape. She could not break her gaze away from it. Durham said in a low, flat voice, "You haven't slept with him." It was only half a question. Maddy felt her cheeks burning. She shook her head. "Then don't. Don't consummate it. And when you decide you can't bear with being a duchess and his wife any longer, then come to me, Your Grace." His voice had gone bitter. "And I'll tell you the rest of what you need to know to nullify the vow you made." She heard the sound of his chair scraping. Then he swore softly. She turned—and found Jervaulx, with Devil and Cass at his feet, standing in the closed doorway, watching her. Christian went out on the battlements when he wanted to be alone. He knew them all, kept them in repair and kept them to himself, reserving the keys for every staircase door that let onto the roofs. The higher the better—and the highest tower at Jervaulx put him above anything else he could see. Muffled in his greatcoat, he leaned on the whitewashed stone embrasure of a crenel. From here he looked down on the circuit of the curtain wall to the Whitelady Tower, oldest, square and squat, a border sentry joined by the Knight's Tower, and beyond that the tower called Phoenix, circling to the Northwest Tower and its range of Elizabethan lodgings rebuilt and redesigned by Christopher Wren, where they'd put Maddy in his mother's room last night—and Beauvisage and Mirabile, out of sight round the curve of Belletoile that he stood on. He knew them. He loved them. When he'd awoken this morning, he hadn't even remembered that anything was different, that he was anyone but the Duke of Jervaulx and master of his life and this castle and his own fate. Then he'd tried to speak to the footman who brought his tea. He was glad that he hadn't been able to say anything at all. He'd passed for surly, no doubt, instead of an idiot. But it was only a reprieve; he couldn't go on silent with the staff forever. And Maddy. He put his arms on the wall and his head down in them. In all honesty, it had taken him a little while to remember her. It was when he got out of bed and found himself still dressed that he began to realize. And even then, he'd not been really disturbed, only a little chagrined to have fallen asleep on his wedding night. He'd bathed and dressed, using the services of the footman, who was passably good—and serenely agreeable in the face of Christian's moody silence, obviously having been selected for this impromptu post on the basis of having ambitions to valet. On the way downstairs, Christian had thought of how he'd make it up to her. Even at the risk of sounding a dimwit, he determined to make it clear where his wife was to sleep. He'd been considering how to accomplish that when he'd walked in and found Durham advising her not to sleep with him at all. Christian had feigned not understanding. Easy enough. He'd just stood there, and they took him for stupid. Mute. Deaf. Dumb. She'd looked guiltily at him. But he'd given her a smile, gone to the sideboard and poured himself chocolate. I understand, Maddygirl. Between white stone and a sky of watercolor gray and blue, the wind funneled around Belletoile, blowing Christian's collar against him. It was a novel notion, that anyone could dismiss Jervaulx. Not dismiss it—reject it. And him. He could understand that part—damaged as he was—but it hardly made the wound any less. He had thought—he had assumed—that what he was missing would be amply recompensed by what he had to offer. Jervaulx itself, and all that went with it: no small treasure. He had thought, when she was here, when she beheld it, she would see in it what he saw. Well, if she did not—she didn't. Maddygirl. Will you go then? He stared at the sky. He felt impotent, aching and angry and helpless. With a curse, he rammed his fists into the pockets of his greatcoat. If she wished to nullify what she'd done, let it be nullified. Durham pleaded with her to stay until she was not needed, but Christian did not even require that. It had been a decision made out of weakness and muddleheadedness, to make her his wife. She was a Quaker. A nobody. She did not, as she so plainly stated, belong here. Let her go. He was better. He was going to be perfect. Let her go. He did not need her or what flimsy protection she could offer. He would not miss her. He would hardly know that she had gone, stubborn little prim kiss sweet. He gazed at the winter hills. He'd taken it—this castle, his heritage—for granted in his life. He had tried not to do it, but he had. Trifling in reform, fighting sham battles, all the time safe in his impregnable tower. All the time not knowing what a fortune he had. He could lose it again. He felt a new and bone-deep chill. Was it even his now? He'd fled to Jervaulx by instinct; the place functioned at his command by inbred custom. But they'd stripped him to nothing in Chancery. If they came here—if they tried to take him— Imprisoned, chained, defeated. Crushed. He would not let it happen. He knew everything there was to know about Jervaulx. He knew that it was two hundred and seventy-three feet from the ramparts of Belletoire to level ground. He kept the tower key. He found Maddy alone in the duchess' morning parlor, looking up at a portrait of Herodias with the head of John the Baptist. Below it hung a cross of the graphically bloody variety. "Cheer," he said, with a dry intent. She looked round at him. "It is a sumptuous room." "Thank." He dared her to say it had not been meant as a compliment. She turned to another portrait, of a pair of boys leaning on a mastiff that was taller than both of them. "That one pleasant." He made a small bow. "Brother." "Your brothers?" He looked at the portrait. James was real; it was Christian's own side of it that seemed nebulous, until he made himself concentrate, lifted his hand and indicated the boy in curls and short coat. "I... me and... brother. Ten. James... six. Long time... gone. Red... red... scarlet fever." He remembered sitting for that portrait. Oh, the pain, to be still, when there were games and fields and toads. "Dog was... Killbuck." He smiled. "Never killed... that dog... not a butterfly." She gazed at the painting silently. This morning she was severe, her hair tight, as if she wished to be as different from her surroundings as possible. "You want... to null." He could not approach the subject any more subtly than that. "Wedding?" She looked at him sharply and put her hands behind her back. "Understand," he said. "Breakfast... Durham undo... wedding." "I believe—would be wise." She kept her eyes on him, level. "But I will stay thou art well enough." "Now. Well enough! Go... now." "Thou wouldst have me leave now?" He set his jaw angrily at this twisting of accountability. "I... don't say. You. Breakfast at... Durham... the wedding undo." He walked past her. "Don't sleep with. I heard." He turned. "Bed... last night was... not. So. Undo. Call Durham... now... undo." He reached for the bell-rope. "They gone," she said. "They waited thee, but thou couldst not found." "Gone." That checked him, left him suddenly without a practical intent, bereft of action to release the hostility inside him. Christian dropped his hand. "Gone." He realized what it meant. "Too late! They... call. Say wed. Family. Devil take 'em both!" "I've thought." She sat down in a chair and laid her hands over one another in her lap. "I believe ought stay—at least until thy hearing. If thou wouldst agree—" Her fingers slid between one another and tightened. He saw the band of his signet ring on her hand. "I ask—if thou wouldst agree we will not—consummate this marriage—then it can be undone when thou art well." She moistened her lips. "Thou wilt not need me then. I would be a burden and a sorrow thee. I do not belong in thy world. When thou art whole again, thou wilt see." He wanted to argue with her, but he had no grounds. There was a great defeat in him, a distress that he had no words for. "If... not well?" he asserted. "What if... never whole? Leave?" "I don't know. I can only say—I will stay until new hearing." "Until... new?" "Thy hearing. Before Lord Chancel again." His whole body had gone still. "Again?" "Yes. Thou art go again." "When?" "I'm not certain. Several months yet. Lady de Marly will know." He strode two steps toward her and stopped. "New! Why?" His aggressive approach seemed to startle her. She sat back in the chair. "Thy brothers-in-law. They insist to try again judge thee not fit." Christian gazed at her. He had thought— He had thought it was done already. He began breathing in a rush, unable to make the words reeling in his head into a question. He thrust himself into a turn, paced the room, and came back. "Mean fit... now?" She didn't seem to understand. "Now!" he shouted. "Comp... now? Free... now?" He grabbed her shoulders and leaned over her. "Tell!" "Until thy hearing," she said, sitting still beneath his hands, "thou art the same as anyone under the law." He stared at her, unable to let her go, to move. "How else couldst thou think to marry?" she asked. Of course. Of course. He'd been too befuddled; he hadn't even questioned it. He'd thought he was stripped of his legal existence, made into an imbecile. He'd been hiding behind Durham and Fane and Maddy and Jervaulx Castle itself, stupid confused hiding, as if any of that could have saved him when they came to take him back. Another hearing. Months. "Maddy." He gripped her harder. "Help... me. Well. Whole. I want... agree... no bed. Stay and helping. Agree. You go then... when I... whole. Hearing." She lifted her eyes to his. "Will not consummate?" He found her hand, caught it and clenched it. "Not. Hearing. Whole. No... con... mate... bed. Undo wed." She lowered her lashes, those erotic eyelashes. He looked down at her, gripping her hand, regretting what he promised even before she made a small nod to confirm it. The agreement made things easier between them. Maddy did not feel so uncomfortable in the surroundings, knowing that it was only an interval and not a real commitment. When the duke suggested that he show her over the castle, she was willing enough to accompany him. She even consented to have one of the dowager duchess' simpler gowns re-fitted for her, as she could not continue to wear her faithful gray silk forever. The one she chose was a dark blue satin. In the wardrobe closet, it had not looked overly rich compared to the others, especially since she insisted that the maid remove the trimming, but when she had it on and saw herself in the daylight in a looking glass, the opulence of the color was dramatic. The girl waited. "Very nice, Your Grace," she said, holding the sewing box. It was beautiful. Maddy had never in her life worn anything like it. She smoothed her hand down the vivid fabric. "Yes," she said, gazing at herself in wonder. "I... it is—very nice." With the hem lengthened, the flounces and trim removed, and a shawl of white India silk over the puffed sleeves and exposed neckline, she was ready to meet Jervaulx in the gallery. When she saw him, she had a moment of hesitation, certain that he would think her foolish to choose such a lavish dress, but he only looked at her longer than he ought to have done, and then smiled with one corner of his mouth as he took her arm. The dress matched his eyes. "Maddy," he said. "Sorry I... consent... no con." She thought she might understand what he meant, but let it pass without inquiry. The disapproving portraits stared down from the gallery walls, a prickling reminder of the eeriness she'd felt here in the night. He stopped before one of the most imposing, a huge painting of a grave and condescending personage dressed in red robes and a wide white ruff, bejeweled and kingly, holding a wand of high office. "Lord Jervaulx," he said. "First. Rule power... great earl." "He is very distinguished," Maddy said in a small voice. "Marry seventeen. A girl... he... got a rich heiress marry. She write before... to him... letter. I have it. She writes my sweet life... say my mind... consider allowance. Pray beseech thee... kind love... she wants... twenty-six hundred quarter." "Oh," she said dubiously. "Was that not a large sum for the day?" "Very... large." Jervaulx grinned. "Also... to make things clear... she writes... I want three horses own... two gentlewomen... horse each them, six or eight gentleman... two coaches... velvet... four horse each... two... footman... gentleman-usher... six hundred a quarter for charitable... all to be... defrayed by him." "Very sensible," Maddy said, beginning to smile. "Also... yearly... she would have twenty gowns... eight country... six good... six excellent good. Also... six thousand buy jewels... four thousand pearl chain. Also... all houses furnish... chambers... fit... beds... stools... chairs... cushions, carpets... hanging... canopy. Also... he would kindly pay... all her debts. Also... purchase land. Also... lend no money... Lord Chamberlain. Also... pray... when rise to... earl... allow two thousand more... double attendants." "All this was in the letter?" Maddy was holding back a laugh by the end of this recital, not quite so awed by the poor kingly gentleman. "Yes. He gave," Jervaulx said. "All. And never lend to... Chamberlain. Wise advice. Die earl... councillor... treasurer to the King. Rich. Power. He building... Northwest Tower. Good wife." She made a face. "Thy idea of a good wife!" "Yes! Rich. Shrewd. Spoilt. Fine dress. Ambition. Good wife." "Thou hast certainly married the wrong woman." He gave her a considering look. She felt herself growing warm, and wished she had not said it. As she lowered her eyes, he took her chin between his fingers, bent and kissed her lightly on the lips. Maddy pulled away, drawing in a quick breath. He shook his head as she began to protest, smiling like a rogue. "Bed... only promise." He took her arm again and walked on as if nothing had happened.
Lady de Marly arrived without warning five days after Durham and Colonel Fane had left. Maddy and Jervaulx were in the hall—Maddy was lying on her back on the floor next to him, looking up and up and up to the fantastically carved tracery in the timber roof, while he pointed out the heraldic beasts fashioned there, the trefoils and fleurs-de-lis and intricately rendered flowers and foliage shaped in the beams so far above them. The castle seemed a different place with Jervaulx. He knew it as if it were his own self; he talked about it the way women talked about their offspring, with endless interest in the most minute particulars, with love and humor enough to make even details entertaining. She liked it in the daytime. It was only at night, when she had to retire alone to the duchess' rooms, lying in bed, listening for the footsteps to walk the floor above—it was only then that panic rose in her throat and she wished she had not asked to sleep alone. "Go up... five... rafter," Jervaulx was saying, describing where she was to look, since they had long ago determined that his ability to point accurately was unreliable. "The dog's... face... do you see?" "Mmm—yes. I see it." "Dog. Dragon. Henry Tudor beasts." "Which Henry?" "Henry... seven. Lily's." "Ah." She had become quite familiar with Elizabeth, that lively wife of Francis Langland, the first Lord Jervaulx, who, in return for her husband's docile compliance in the matter of her allowance, had not hesitated to further the family interests by becoming a clandestine mistress to their mysterious and clever king. Between Lily's wealth, discretion and beauty, and her husband's astute loyalty to a monarch who had come from the same mists of Wales as the young knight himself, the dynasty established by Francis Langland enjoyed an auspicious beginning. "Gray... dog. Grayhound... dragon... look to the side." He twisted his head around on the floor. "Lily. See?" Under the firm guidance of his hand, Maddy contorted herself. "Oh yes!" There was the lily, hidden amid the heraldic carvings until one looked at it at just the proper angle. "Henry sent a... to cut. A man to cut wood." "A carver." "Carver." "Was it a secret trick?" His head was turned around close to hers. "Secret," he said. He slipped his hand into the curve of her waist. Maddy shrieked at the tickle, her voice echoing around the vast hall. She skittered away, but he caught her, rolling half on top of her, teasing her waist with one hand and clasping her cheek with the other. Maddy struggled, but not too hard. She was about to be kissed, and she liked it. His mouth touched hers, warm in the cold hall, as velvet gentle as the stone beneath her was hard. He stopped the tickling. Her body softened; she closed her eyes and felt him over her, breathed his heat in the chilly air, heard the low sound of pleasure he made as he explored her. She had not kissed him back; she had not quite yet—but she was going to soon. It was singular, this being wife and not-wife, free to be kissed, to tussle about the floor like puppies. It was not chaste; she knew that well enough. But he did it so sweetly, so playfully, that she never found a place to demand that he stop. "No bed," he promised her, whenever she drew back—and that eased her. It was only trifling, and pleasant, and if it was a worldly and carnal pleasure, then at least it was only for a little while, and then she would go back to being ordinary, scrupulous Maddy Timms. Exemplary Maddy Timms, with a secret memory of her own to keep, a lily hidden among the dragons of virtue. She lifted her chin and kissed him back. He had been her teacher: she knew how to taste his mouth, search the corners while he grew still, his lips parting a little. His body seemed to respond with a slow tautness, a tightening over her; his hands pressed into her skin. Yet he lay motionless, suspended, his mouth acquiescent to hers, as if his whole concentration was on what it felt like. His lips opened more with each contact, allowing her to seek further—inviting it. She touched him with her tongue. He was foreign and familiar, so close and yet so strange to her. A nobleman, with fairies and Welshmen and kings in his history, lord of this hall and castle, but most alien and potent of all: a man. Sandalwood and strength, an aggressiveness she could feel held in check. His breath mingled with hers, light with anticipation. Maddy tasted deeper. He met her with his tongue, with a visceral note in his chest and a penetrating answer. He took command of the embrace. His body closed with hers. On the floor of the hall, with his weight pressed down on her, he kissed her wholly, all play and lightness vanished. And she returned it, opening her mouth across his. The low music beat against her, a primitive sound in his throat. He responded to her, taking what she surrendered as easily as if he knew her mind, knew the moment that her body and her heart awakened to sensation. He locked his hands with hers and spread them out on the cold stone. His signet ring drove into her finger, caught between his hand and hers, painful pressure down to the bone, but she wanted it. She wanted it there, as she wanted him. Everything inside her arched upward to meet his kiss. It seemed that she had been bound up, held tight by threads that he had broken with a touch. She heard herself, like a whimpering child, moaning with the terrible pleasure of it. She moved; she could not help it, taking the rhythm that he gave her with his tongue, arching to find more. "Most edifying." Lady de Marly's voice was like a cascade of ice water. Maddy jerked. Jervaulx stilled for an instant—but instead of springing away, he held tighter against Maddy's convulsive effort to extricate herself. Without looking up, he kissed her ear. "Calm," he said, muffled against her. "Calm, Maddygirl." Then he kissed her briefly again, and lifted himself away. She scrambled to her feet. Jervaulx stood. Lady de Marly, with a maid behind her and her stick planted in front, was a white, grim face painted upon a black statue. "Aunt Vesta," Jervaulx said, with a slight bow. He took Maddy's arm. She could not move of her own accord; he pulled her closer to him and drew her forward. "Welcome," he said, amazing Maddy with his composure. All of her own self-possession had vanished. "Pleasant... trip?" Maddy saw the way his speech caught Lady de Marly's attention, a gratifying respite from focus on herself. The elderly woman stared at him, a long and arctic scrutiny. "You are recovered," she said at last. "Better," Jervaulx said. The pressure of his hand forced Maddy forward. "Duchess... Arc... mede. Honor of... wife." His speaking had regressed. With Maddy alone, he could already express himself more smoothly than that. "Not much better," Lady de Marly said dryly. She glanced at Maddy. "And you, Miss. You have outfoxed us all indeed. I had not taken you for an adventuress." "Duchess," Jervaulx said, with an emphasis more of warning than of effort. "Where are the documents?" Jervaulx smiled darkly at her. He said nothing. "Impudent boy," she snapped. "Legal," he said. "Age. Resident. Special... paper. Church. Witness. Register... write sign. No lawful... stop." "Except perhaps your sanity," she responded, but it sounded less a threat than a grumble. "Bedlamite. You might have taken the girl you were offered and saved us both a peck of trouble." "Miss... Trothorse." "Miss Trotman. Whose father threatens to sue you for breach of promise." "Me!" He laughed outright. "You promise. You... pay." By the set of her jaw, it was obvious that he had made a point. She hit her stick on the floor, and the sharp sound echoed round the hall. Maddy found herself the object of that cold-hearted stare. "I will retire to rest. You, Miss—Duchess. You will attend me in one hour in my chamber." There was no evading it. Maddy nodded. Lady de Marly creaked and tapped her way across the hall. The maid, almost as elderly as her mistress, gave Maddy a quick glance, and hurried after. Strangely, it had almost seemed as if the maid had smiled. "Call you... duchess." Jervaulx looked at Maddy sideways. "She will... conceded." Occupying all of one of the oldest ranges of the castle, Lady de Marly's customary apartments still had the chill of disuse. Blanketed and swathed up to her chin, she had established herself in the inglenook of a mammoth hearth. The fire was robust, but in most of the room one's breath still frosted. Lady de Marly might have conceded that Maddy was the duchess, but she gave no extra deference to the fact. Under the all-encompassing title of "girl," Maddy was ordered into a straightbacked chair that did not quite fit into the nook, where in a very short time, her front was roasted and her back freezing. With no other overture, Lady de Marly said, "I took pains to stop at this St. Matthew's on my way. The marriage is registered in the parish book." "Yes," Maddy said. She had signed herself there—the worst and most concrete of her offenses, she feared. "I also inquired into the Notice Book at Doctors' Commons. The issuance of a special license for the marriage of the Duke of Jervaulx and Archimedea Timms is duly remarked. 'Twould appear that it is as he said. All is in order." "Is it?" Maddy knew nothing of the formalities of the process outside of Friends. She felt an odd relief that Durham had after all been truthful. "That comforts you, I see. Did you think it was not?" Maddy looked at her skirt and then up again. "Verily, it would not have surprised me to find it unlawful in some way. It was—done in much haste, at Durham's urging." "And was it indeed?" Within the hood of her shawl, Lady de Marly's eyes were sharp. "Yes." Maddy took a deep breath. "Thou knowest that the duke will do anything to avoid confinement. He has done this in order that I may help to protect him from it. I would not have consented—I would have searched for another way, but with half a dozen of thy men breaking in at the door of the church—" "My men? Breaking in? You're mistaken, miss. No one in my service had to do with this debacle." "There were men there—intent to take him." "Take him!" Lady de Marly hunched down in her blanket. "His mother is a fool." Her lips wrinkled in contempt. "As if he were a common criminal. I knew nothing of this." "Durham told us that when he returned to London, hirelings had been asking after him and the duke. He feared that they would follow him out of town, and he could think of no answer but to arrange for the special license in case they should, so that someone might be able to say them nay." "Cocklehead! He should have come to me! I could have said them nay, and soon enough." Unexpectedly, the old woman chuckled. "But Jervaulx prefers to hide behind a prettier face, does he? His appetites outweigh his judgment. Those jackals that his sisters married will have him yet, if he don't show more wit. Mark me, if there were hired men brought in, we can guess who put that pretty notion into his mother's head. Wretched vulgarians. Hired men, do you believe it! We'll have a reward in the newspapers next. Wanted—the mad Duke! It's a blessing that his father never lived to see this, God rest him." She took a deep inhalation of salts, and then her hand disappeared among the blankets and shawls again. "The new petition for a writ has already been filed. Did he have you first before the wedding, or after?" "Have me do what?" Maddy asked. Lady de Marly snorted. "Have relations with you, Duchess," she said in an ironical tone. As if her body understood before her mind, Maddy grew flushed all over. When full comprehension of the question burst upon her, she had to make a conscious effort to keep herself still in the chair, although it scraped back over the hearth a little with the force of her reaction. She was vividly aware of the maid sitting somewhere further from the fire and Lady de Marly's acid surveillance. "Not before," she mumbled. "Tell me the truth—and speak up, girl. I'm not interested in your morals. I'm interested in an heir." Maddy lifted her chin. "Not before," she repeated, with more emphasis. "When was your last monthly?" "Thou art intrusive!" Maddy said. "When one becomes a duchess, my girl, one finds oneself intruded upon in these matters. When?" Maddy stayed stubbornly silent. "I wonder at your reserve, considering the public display to which I found myself treated this afternoon." Lady de Marly leaned back and pushed the shawl from her head, revealing a black cap and jet ribbons. "Although I suppose it bodes well for the fruitfulness of the marriage. Tell me about Jervaulx. He is much restored." Maddy was relieved to go on to another topic. "Yes. He's better even than thou hast heard, when he is at ease." Lady de Marly nodded. "I'd pondered bringing in another physician—but where's the good of it? We've had a hundred. I think he does well enough with you." She lifted one white, twig-like finger. "Make no mistake, girl. This marriage is a disgrace. I'd have had better for him, but as long as it's been made legal—one breeder's as good as the next in the circumstances." She shrugged. "He seems to like you well enough." "Your mother sent a letter," Lady de Marly announced in the drawing room after dinner. She produced a paper from beneath her shawl and held it out to Jervaulx. Just as he was about to take it, she held it back a little. "Shall I read it for you?" He plucked it from her hand. "I... read." He took it to his chair and sprawled there. He held the sealed missive between his hands, then put it on his knee. Lady de Marly watched him intently, as if to judge whether he was truly going to read it or just make the motion. He turned the letter over. He pushed it onto his other knee. Finally he stood up, brought it to Maddy, and commanded, "Open." After she'd broken the wax seal, he returned to his chair and read. He took a long time about it, turning his head slightly to the right as if he could not quite see the writing straight on. Finally he sighed, rolled his eyes, and tossed it on the table beside him. Then he gave Maddy a sly grin. "Not... coming." "She says no more than that?" Lady de Marly asked. Jervaulx picked up the letter again and let it unfold from his fingers. "Pray. Pray. Lots of... pray. Set... not... foot... with same house... my miss. Mistress." He glanced at Maddy. "You." He consulted the letter again. "Sisters... not allow. Unnature... son." He crumpled it in one hand and lobbed it into the fire from across the room. "She is not pleased with your choice," Lady de Marly commented. "Legal," Jervaulx said. "Not... mistress. Wife." "To be sure," his aunt said. "But you leave yourself open, you know. There is the question of whether you are in your right mind. What are the provisions? Is the estate protected? What if Miss Timms is a fortune-hunter who has trapped an imbecile in her web?" "He is not—" Lady de Marly interrupted Maddy. "I speak only of questions, Duchess. Your position is weak. This marriage can only tell against him at his hearing. No rational man of his rank would have contracted it." The duke stood up suddenly. He went to the writing desk, picked up the pen and held it out to her. "Settlement now. Write... what you want." "What I want?" Maddy asked. Lady de Marly snorted. Jervaulx smiled suddenly. "My sweet life," he said. "Three horses own... two gentlewomen... twenty gowns... all chambers fit... beds... cushions... carpets... six or eight gentlemen." He laid the pen in her hand. "Maddygirl. What you want." "I want nothing." Lady de Marly laughed outright, as if she had made a joke. Jervaulx gazed down at Maddy a moment and then knelt beside her chair. "Nothing?" She shook her head helplessly. "Of course not." He looked into her eyes, his head tilted a little. He had the ghost of a gentle smile on his lips. "Father?" he asked. "Not you then... support father?" "Oh... " She bit her lip, sorely tempted. "No. It would not be right." Lady de Marly spoke abruptly. "You had best not carry this pretty act too far, girl. If he died tonight, there's not a provision for you anywhere. Not a shilling would you get, and you may believe it. State some reasonable and provident sums, and the court will think the better of you for your common sense. Calvin and I can witness your hand, and the duke's." "But—" Maddy looked to him. "I want no sums. Thee and me—we aren't to—" He put his hand over hers, a sharp squeeze. She understood that well enough. For a moment the room was silent. "Maddygirl," he said. "I owe now... everything." He smiled at her, such a smile—it made her heart ache. "Give back... you... a little." "Thou dost not owe anything to me," she whispered. He let go of her and stood up. "How much... Trotman?" He looked at his aunt. "She brought ten thousand," Lady de Marly said. He made an impatient gesture of his hand. "How much?" "A jointure of fifty-two hundred. Allowance the same, and life interest in a quarter of the Monmouth rents upon your death. Mind you, Miss Trotman brought ten thousand with her. Fifty thousand to be distributed among female issue on marriage with consent. Seventy-five thousand among second, third and fourth male issue, fifty among any other males, the same terms. Remainder to the heir." He laughed. "Busy... wife." Lady de Marly lifted her thin brows and scanned Maddy. "She looks in prime health for the task." "Tomorrow," he said. "I send for... Bailey. You tell settlement. Write same... what you said. Add... two thousand annual... life... Mr. John Timms. Careful... mistake. I can... read." "But—" Maddy said. "Want," Jervaulx interjected. "I... want." She sat back in her chair. It was all a parody; she had gone so far into falsehood that it had come to the writing of preposterous documents providing for the children of a marriage that would not exist. With a sudden spirit, she stood up. "I will retire." Jervaulx bowed. Lady de Marly actually smiled. She held out her hand. "Good night to you, Duchess." Maddy took it. The old lady squeezed her with gaunt fingers, turning up one cheek. Maddy hesitated, and then bent and gave her a brief kiss. Lady de Marly started to let go, and then grasped the duke's signet, lifting it upright on Maddy's finger. "Is this the best you could do, Jervaulx? For heaven's sake, boy, get her a proper wedding ring." "Will," he agreed. Maddy withdrew her hand as Lady de Marly released it. She went to the door, already not looking forward to the long walk down dim corridors and across the dark hall. "It's the other door, girl," Lady de Marly said irritably. "Don't open that one—you'll let the chill in!" Maddy faltered. She was quite certain that this was the correct door. "Maddy," the duke said. She looked at him. He inclined his head toward an entrance that she had not used before. Obediently, she crossed the room and opened that door. It led into a room as magnificent as all the rest—a bedroom, done in the phoenix colors of white and blue. Above the formidable tall bed, a golden coronet crowned the canopy. Belatedly, she realized what it meant. She stopped in the doorway. This was Jervaulx's chamber. She turned around and came out. "I prefer—" Lady de Marly interrupted her. "Nonsense," she said, as if she knew exactly what Maddy had intended to say. "Why should he have to chase you across half the county? Sleep in there, girl. There'll be years enough ahead for your own chamber." Jervaulx said nothing. He stood in the middle of the room, his hands locked behind his back, tall and elegant. He just looked at her, deep blue eyes and mystery. "Years enough, girl," Lady de Marly repeated, in a voice that had grown old and timeworn. "You mark my words." Maddy sat up in a gilt chair with a knobbed and railed back, well calculated to prevent anyone from falling asleep. The duke's bedchamber had a more lived-in look than any of the others she had seen. In addition to the intimidating bed and the coronet, a low case held books that lay tilted and piled on one another as if they were used often; stacks of papers and journals on a writing desk before the window had the look of real work instead of company show. An oil lamp was lit there. The neat banking of each pile seemed likely to Maddy to be a servant's contribution rather than Jervaulx's. She recalled the quick disarray he had made of the study at St. Matthew's and felt sympathy for the responsible maid, who would have to take care not to displace anything in her tidying, no doubt caught between the housekeeper's standards and the duke's jumble, which he would certainly claim was perfectly organized in his own abstruse system. Maddy was familiar with such arrangements. It would consist entirely of shoving whatever he was not working on out of the way, heaping more work on top of that, creating another stack for a new project, pushing them back and forth as needed, taking the top off of one and putting it onto another when a journal was required from the bottom of the first, and then blaming the servants for their meddling rearrangements when some necessary paper could not be found. She looked mostly at the desk, because she felt embarrassed to look at the paintings. They were just what Friends found worst about the vain representation of worldly things. Even the ostensibly religious ones were lascivious—one whole wall was covered with a full-length figure of Eve, the apple at her feet and only a coyly placed hand for covering. There was a panel of women bathing in a stream, with satyrs peeking from the woods around, and one of Lady Godiva riding through the city on a white horse, with her hair spread, concealing more of the horse than herself. The only work Maddy could observe without blushing outright was a small painting of a young woman in a Dutch headdress, turning toward the viewer as if surprised in the act of observing herself in the looking glass she held. Her smile was a blend of self-consciousness, mischief and welcome, so real, and with such shy pleasure in it that it made one want to smile in return. Maddy looked at that one for a long time, beguiled by the magic of mere paint and flat canvas made into such a living presence. The table next to her chair held a decanter and glass, and several miniatures, all of ladies. She supposed they must be his sisters, though they did not much resemble the ladies Maddy had seen. Next to one was a watch glass with no watch, but instead a lock of bright yellow hair pressed within it. Not one of his sisters had yellow hair. She stood up and went close to the little painting of the girl and the looking glass, trying to distinguish the brushstrokes that created the impression. It hung close to the wainscot, so that she had to lean down to look. As she bent there, the door opened softly. Maddy turned around. Jervaulx closed the door behind the dogs, who both trotted forward, gave Maddy a brief greeting and then leaped upon the bed, curling up at the foot with the familiarity of long possession. Jervaulx stood a moment, looking at her. "Like the girl... paint?" he asked. "It's a very creditable image," she said. "Credit... Rembrandt." "Oh, yes. He is very famous, is he not?" "Somewhat." He seemed amused. "I don't know much of paintings," she said shyly. "We aren't to have them." "No?" He came close and stood beside her, looking at the portrait. "Why?" She frowned a little. "The Bible says no graven image. And they are—creaturely." She cast a quick meaningful glance round the room. There was hardly a collection of images conceivable which could have been called more creaturely than his. "I... like them," he said, and smiled, and touched her cheek lightly—and kissed her. Maddy stepped back, moistening her lips. "Thy aunt is retired? I should go." "No." He shook his head. "Stay. She is... there." "This is a very awkward arrangement." Maddy made a helpless gesture toward the adjacent drawing room. "Old... fashion. Great chamber... withdrawing room... bedroom." He made three marks in the air, lined in a row. "Old lords... eating feasting great chamber... after eat... ah—ate... they ate... then invite... friends... withdraw private to—drawing." He nodded back toward the drawing room. "It was... sign of favor. Good friends only... invited. Same... the same... never changed here. Great Chamber... to drawing... to bedroom. Old fashion, Jervaulx. Hundreds years." "Still, it is awkward now. Perhaps thou art weary, and wish to go to bed." He shrugged off his coat. "Gone days, the best of friend... invited... all the way... come into... here." He swept out his coat in a bow. "High honor to... you." "I should depart. Is there another way I might go out?" He laid the garment over a chair and started to unbutton his waistcoat, then dropped his hand. He looked at her. "Can't... fasten." One button was already undone. Maddy pursed her lips. "Thou canst. Thou ought to begin to try." "I can't," he said serenely. "You." He came and stood in front of her, his sleeves white and full, the waistcoat exquisitely embroidered with tiny silver flowers, a contrast with the solid masculine outline of his body. He was so matter-of-fact that it was hard to be uncomfortable. She reached up and undid the buttons, then loosened his neckcloth. There were buttons on his cream-colored trousers, too, but she ignored them. When she finished, he moved promptly away, leaving her with the waistcoat and neckcloth. She relaxed a little more, catching up his coat and carrying the clothes into the dressing closet. When she came back, he was sitting on the chaise lounge, leaning down to remove his shoes. His shirt loose and his collar open, half-dressed and cavalier, he stretched his legs out on the chaise and leaned his head back. "Tired," he said, and gave a deep sigh. "Plague of... she-dragon." The last trace of Maddy's unease vanished. "She has a forceful character," she said with a small smile. He reached and dragged the desk chair next to him. "You sit... me." Maddy sat down. Perhaps it was best to stay a while longer, to make certain his aunt had left. She folded her hands in her lap. He looked at her sideways. "Prim... Maddygirl." Before she could prevent him, he leaned over and tweaked her skirt aside, revealing her sturdy shoes and woolen stockings beneath the elegant blue silk. "Off," he said, and sat up. He bent down and began to unfasten them. "Indeed thou canst unfasten," she said in accusation. He grunted noncommittally, holding her ankle when she tried to pull her foot away. "Let," he said firmly. His hand was warm and solid on her, unyielding. Maddy bit her lip and stopped resisting. He took off her shoes and tossed them one by one away. "Done-up, Maddygirl?" He clasped her feet within his palms and lifted them onto his lap, rubbing his thumbs into the arches. It instantly felt so wonderful and rejuvenating that her protest died on her lips. She tried to remain sitting straight, but the combination of his delightful kneading of tired muscles and the angle of her position would not allow it. "Oh. That is... very easing." He made no answer, looking down at her feet as he rubbed them. Her skirt fell in a sapphire sheen to the floor, rumpling a little as he compressed her heels and then slid his hands up to the back of her ankles. "Oh," Maddy murmured, with another sigh. She closed her eyes. He kneaded her calves, and then slipped one hand back to her toes, wriggling them apart one by one in a maneuver that was as delicious as it was singular. She gave a breathless small laugh, her eyes still closed. "I didn't know such a thing—felt so agreeable." "Mmmm." He shifted. Maddy opened her eyes. He was repositioning himself, stretching his legs out on the chaise again. She started to withdraw her feet, but he held them, settling back. He closed his eyes and went on with his smooth massage. "Wouldst thou prefer that I rub thy feet instead?" she offered. "No." Looking at him, she might have thought he was asleep, except that he continued the strong, steady circles with his thumbs against the soles of her feet, then up the sides, and all around her heels. Then her toes again, one by one, until her feet began to tingle with pleasure. She closed her own eyes again and sat still, allowing herself to be immersed in the sensation. The hearth in his room was of the modern sort, a raised grate that sent warmth to the corners. She let the silk shawl she'd worn all day slip down off her shoulders. "Could only Rembrandt... paint you," the duke said. She found him watching her. He ran his palm along the length of her leg, a light stroke, from her ankle to her knee. "This way... paint... so I can remember." His hands ceased their motion. The room was silent, except for the slow faint hiss of steam from the coals. In the light of the oil lamp, curves of indigo and cobalt draped down her skirt, rich color against the stark white of her stockings. His hand lay across her exposed leg, motionless. He was watching it, his face dark and harsh in the lamplight. He looked up sideways at her. "Friend?" She made no answer, too full of feeling to put words to it. "Friend you, Maddy... always. Don't... forget." "No," she whispered. "I will not forget thee." He moved abruptly, setting her feet away. She drew them underneath her as he rose. "Sleep here," he said. "I... bedding closet." There was a sleeping cot in the dressing room; Maddy had seen it when she took his clothes. "Oh, no. That would not be fair. I will go when thy aunt is retired." "Go? Long way, Maddygirl. Dark. Not-alive. Ghost. Stay here." "Ghost?" Maddy said. "Bad... ghost." He looked at her, all pirate innocence. "Didn't tell?" "There is no ghost." He made a sound in his throat, the most blood-curdling low moan. Devil lifted his head, looking up alertly from a comfortable curl on the bed. "There is no ghost!" "One step... one step... " Jervaulx stood in half-light, his eyes glittering. "Hall... walk... slow... up the stairs." She took a deep breath, found her shoes, and stuck her feet into them. She marched to the door. "I shall go back with Lady de Marly." "She won't like. Want you here. Sleep." He grinned. "Choice. Dragon... ghost... me." "There—is—no—ghost!" He did not say there was, and he did not say there wasn't. Maddy peeked out into the drawing room and found that Lady de Marly had already gone. The chamber was dark, growing cool, with only the last orange winking eyes of the coals casting a dim light over the carpet. She thought of ringing for Calvin Elder and realized how late it had become. Besides, it was ridiculous and unchristian to fear ghosts. Devil hopped down from the bed and came to her. "Wilt thou attend me?" she asked the dog. Devil wagged his tail. He jumped up and put his paws on her skirt. She looked up at Jervaulx archly. "We'll take a candle." He bowed and opened his hand. "Fare... well." "Come," she said to the dog, who trotted obediently ahead of her out the door. Frigid air washed in the drawing room door as she opened it into the corridor. Devil slipped out and disappeared instantly beyond the wavering globe of candlelight. "Come back!" she demanded in a hiss. Her words echoed, returning as sinister whispers. The dog, its nails clicking on stone, came back and jumped up on her. She petted it and started ahead. Devil fell away, trotting on again, vanishing. She quickened her steps, squinting into the quivering shadows cast by the candle. Her shoes, unbuckled, made scuffling clunks against the floor. She stopped once. The corridor was full of reverberations that died away, leaving cold silence. If there were another person in the entire mammoth pile of stone besides herself, there was no sign of it now. Her breath frosted. She turned behind her. A man was standing there. She gave a gasp, jumping back, realizing even as she did that it was one of the suits of armor at motionless attention, the flux of her candle giving it the illusion of strange life. "Devil!" she called softly, urgently, forcing herself to turn her back on the figure. In a moment, she heard the reassuring click of dog paws, and Devil's familiar white-speckled shape appeared out of the gloom. This time, she bent a little and grasped the animal's ruff, forcing it to stay with her. They went forward together to the top of the stair. Maddy stopped there. She heard nothing but Devil's tongue as he took advantage of the moment to lie down and lick at one of his paws. The stairs swept downward in a broad curve, an invitation into blackness. The memory of the duke's chilling moan came to her, so vivid that she whirled around again to see if he had followed her to tease her with it. The wide corridor stood empty. As Maddy turned to the stair, Devil's ears lifted. He stood up, staring down into the dark ahead. Maddy felt a terrible prickle come over her. Her eyes began to water. The dog leaned over the stair. He bristled. A low, menacing growl rose in his throat. Maddy's breath seemed to leave her all at once. He leaped forward with a snarling bark. Maddy broke and ran. She had her skirts in one hand, the candle in the other. Her shoes slapped, awkward, echoing as if there were something treading sharply after her. Devil came beside her and ran ahead into the dark. She rushed faster, making little whimpers in her throat, feeling the footsteps behind catching up; when she saw the dog scrabbling at a door, she shoved it open, threw the candle onto the stone floor behind her and slammed the barrier shut. She found herself in the duke's chamber. He was turning around, his shirt in one hand. Maddy hurled herself against his bare chest, whirling so that he was between her and the door. "There's something there!" she cried. "The dog—the Devil—there's something in the hall!"
"Maddygirl. Maddygirl." He held her hard, rocking her, chuckling quietly. "It's all right. There's nothing. Nothing there." In his arms, the convulsive shivers were subsiding. She felt silly even as she clung to him. There was nothing there. Of course there was nothing. "The dog growled," she lamented, her voice still holding a high-pitched break. "He was looking down the stairs." Another shiver took her. She drew in a deep breath, trying to gather her wits. Devil had jumped on the bed and sat looking at her, absurdly unconcerned. The watering of her eyes had wetted her cheeks. He touched a tear with his forefinger. "I'm sorry!" she said. "I know there's—nothing there! I'm so—stupid! At night—in my room—I hear footsteps!" He folded her closer into his shoulder. "Maddygirl. I'm sorry. It's my fault." He hugged her. "Come. Let's go see what it was." "Oh, no. I'd rather not!" But with his arm around her shoulder, he took her to the door. Just outside, the candle she'd thrown down lay in the stone corridor, still burning. He picked it up, not letting go of her. The light flared as he held it up high and fed one of the oiled flambeaux to life. He kept her against him, striding across to the next torch and lighting it, illuminating the corridor as they progressed. The dogs ranged ahead and back. At the top of the stairs, he snuffed the candle against the wall and pulled the last torch from its bracket. With Maddy beneath his arm, the whole staircase lit by the intense flame, they went down. As bright as it was, the darkness in the hall ate up the light of the single torch. Jervaulx let go of her at the foot of the steps, handed her the flambeau, and went to a huge crank on the wall. He pulled the brake free, and with a clanking of gears, a rope began to pay out from the wheel. The torch caught the shadow of a mass descending, illuminated the two immense iron chandeliers declining ponderously from above. When they were within reach, he set the brake again and took the torch, walking from candle to candle, lighting the whole range of both pendants. Slowly the great room began to brighten, lighting him as well, the golden blaze on his bare skin, his hair as dark as the deepest corners of shadow. Finally he stood back, holding up the torch, a pagan god in the barren hall. "Better?" he asked. Maddy had long before begun to feel very, very foolish. "Oh, yes," she said in a tiny voice. "Thank thee." Devil suddenly let out a bark and scrambled after a shadow that thumped down from the minstrels' gallery onto a table below. The two raced across the floor, the tabbycat making a tremendous leap and disappearing into a niche inside the fireplace just an inch ahead of Devil's nose. "The ghost," Jervaulx said. A bewildered young footman in his shirtsleeves appeared in one of the arched doorways beneath the gallery. The duke looked toward him. "We dispatch... specters," he said. When the servant came into the hall, he held out the torch. "Snuff them. The candles... up... the morning." The footman took the light and bowed. Jervaulx came to her. "Thank thee. I was silly. Perhaps—I should go to my room now," she said. He took her around the shoulders and started for the stairs that led to his own. The dogs came, running ahead. Maddy thought of the dark gallery and the halls and stairs between her and the dowager duchess' apartment. She thought of the footsteps. She didn't believe in ghosts, but in a place like this, it was a fine thing to have two dogs and a large, vigorous and very substantial male striding along the reverberating passages beside her. Ghosts. Christian rested his arms behind his head, grinning up into the darkness of the dressing room. Maddygirl—his prim, righteous, practical Maddygirl—was afraid of ghosts. Jervaulx Castle had them, of course. Any number. He'd had to lie extravagantly in reassuring her. His favorite was the staghound that slept before the tremendous hearth in the hall on Christmas Eve. He'd seen it himself, when James was still alive, one cold night after Mass. They'd thought it was a stray got in past the gatehouse, but when they'd called out to it, it had risen, and stretched, and loped away to vanish right through the carved wood of the screens passage. The story—that the dog's place of honor by the fire had been earned saving the lord's child from drowning and that the ghost appeared as guardian, a signal that the lady of the castle was soon to produce and safely raise another offspring—he thought the tale overly maudlin for any self-respecting apparition. But it was true that his youngest sibling Katherine had been born that next year, and was still alive and in perfect health at twenty-five—unlike three of his brothers and two sisters not so fortunate. He sighed, thinking of James. And Clair, and Anne, and sweet William Francis. His mother had her reasons for curdling into a religious zealot. Perhaps they should have left a leg of mutton out to entice the ghostly hound to come more often. He hadn't told Maddy about the staghound. On his own account, he'd let only one small truth slip—that above the duchess' bedchamber was the Black Guard's Walk. He didn't even have to tell her the story that went with it; he could see that the mere name was enough. He smiled. She would stay with him from now on. Maddy snuggled down in the duke's bed. She was in her chemise, having no gown with her, but still warm and secure. Devil and Cass lay at the foot of the bed, breathing soft occasional sighs. She did not instantly go to sleep, as comfortable as she was. There were several pillows; she'd shifted around among them until she'd found the one she was certain was Jervaulx's. She lay on it, breathing in the scent of him. Somewhere between upright Archimedea Timms and total wanton surrender to fleshly temptation was someone new to her: a person who liked pretty colored dresses, and having her feet rubbed, and kisses. And a pillow that held the presence of the man who slept in the next room, close enough to come to her aid if she should be threatened by the Black Guard. Harbored as she was, the trepidation was only a delicious tremor—an excuse to recall how solidly he'd held on to her when she'd burst into the room in her headlong flight. There were no ghosts. Jervaulx said there were not. Devil had growled at a cat, and the duke had lit the whole hall and sent specters into oblivion against his glowing solid reality, his body in torchlight, in the incandescent flame of two hundred candles. She tried to listen for his breathing from the other room. But of course the door was shut—almost shut; he'd left it open a crack for her, and she couldn't hear anything but the dogs' quiet inhalation. She gazed upward into the dark. And then she did a reckless thing. She pushed the bedclothes back and rose, climbing down from the high bed. The last of the fire cast a color that did not light anything, but she remembered the path to the dressing room door. She slipped her bare feet over the floor, feeling her way. She felt the wall and the doorframe. She stopped. "Jervaulx?" she whispered. If he were asleep, it was too soft to wake him. But he instantly said, "Maddygirl?" She took a breath. "I'm... " She could not quite lie and say that she was still afraid. "I'm... shaky." That was true enough. She shivered as she stood there, from cold and agitation. She heard the creak of his cot. In a moment the door slipped from beneath her fingers and he was there, a warm shadow. He touched her, finding her arm, outlining her, holding her up close against him. "Scare?" She said nothing, only pressed herself into the embrace. He was still bare-chested, and she felt a surge of guilt for not seeing that he was properly taken care of. It was a kiss that she'd wanted, and he gave it to her—light and gentle, his tongue briefly tasting her lips. "With... you?" he asked, exerting a pressure against her, guiding her into the main room. Maddy drew back, not certain what she wished, beyond her flimsy pretext, her excuse for carnal kisses. He stood close to her, not quite touching. "Scared?" he asked, offering her such easy justification. "Want... stay with you?" She shivered again. He chuckled softly. "Poor Maddygirl. Come here." So warm and bare and smooth he was as he enclosed her in his arms—his shoulder, his skin against her cheek. When he prompted her to move toward the bed, she went with him. In the dimness, he knew it better than she: he turned when they reached it and hiked himself up onto the high bedstead. The dogs shifted about, sniffing at Maddy as Jervaulx gave her his hand and drew her up with him. "Off," the duke ordered them firmly, at which they retreated as far as the foot of the bed. Maddy could only see him as an indistinct outline of motion against the paler bedclothes as he settled into the bed. He made a luxurious low sound of pleasure. "Warm here... you... Maddygirl." She was still sitting up among the sheets, nervous and doubtful at the way things had gone beyond her intention. He caught her, drawing her down next to him. His body seemed to come all around hers: her back pressed up against him, his leg raised in the hollow of her knee. He leaned over her, kissed her shoulder and her throat. He slid the sleeve of her shift downward. His fingers slipped over her skin, drifting to her breast. Behind her ear, at the margin of her hair, he stroked her with his tongue. There was a boldness to his caresses, an intention. "Thou said... " Maddy could hardly find her voice. "Thou agreed—" All of his movement stilled. His hand rested on her arm. He made a soft groan. He buried his face in the curve of her shoulder for an instant and then fell back against the bed. Maddy stared into the dark. She was relieved and disappointed at once, scared of things beyond ghosts. Suddenly he pulled her into his arms again and held her very hard, rubbing his cheek against her hair. All along her back he pressed into her. She realized with a shock that he had nothing on at all and was in a state of animal arousal. He relaxed his overpowering embrace. With a deep sigh, he cradled her. His arm lay beneath her head, a solid heat against her cheek. For a long time they rested that way. "Jervaulx—" she said into the dark. "My name." His breath warmed her neck when he spoke. "Christian." He leaned a little closer. "Wife." She felt guilty and ashamed. It was not he who had demanded that the marriage be kept undone. It was not he who had got up in the night and come to her. He made no other move. Asked nothing of her. Only lay, impassioned, clasping her in the bed. She knew what she had done. She had already yielded to the weakness of her earthly self. She had given the decision to him—and he, a man of honor, held to his promise better than she held to her truthfulness. If there were ever, Christian thought, a time for his peers to question his sanity, it must be if they could see him now, with his arms around the woman he'd taken for his wife, ready for her, aching for her after days of teasing contact—and he did not do it. Chose not to do it. Smelled the smoky-sweet scent of her hair, felt the curve of her body, the trusting delicate girl-softness under a slip of linen—all the blood in his body ran erotic—beat longing—beat mine, mine, mine. He wanted her, craving more than entry; craving full possession. And she wanted it, too. He could feel it in her: no stiff withdrawal, no animosity. He knew when a woman was hostile to him and when she was playing at indignation—and this was neither. This was just pure hell, that he could give her all the pleasure that he'd spent the past days leading her on toward; that she'd come this far, to seek him and let him lie down beside her; that he had every right. Every right. Hang her religion and her Friends. Was it a different God they'd pledged themselves before? Had she married an infidel? A padishah with two hundred wives? He was just a man, with a pretty good idea of what his sins were. And wanting to have a real union with his own bride was not one of them. She was his wife. She was his. He held her tighter and put his face against her. "You tell... when to stop," he said, his voice muffled. "You say... you don't want." The flame in her was slow and deep—he was going to incite it with the fire in himself; he was going to make a blaze to burn down cities, to lay waste cathedrals and castles and plain meetinghouses—to make a world where it was only him, and only her, and this bed, and one flesh. Maddy felt the change in him before he spoke. She felt his body tighten and stir, the muscles in his arm move beneath her cheek. And then he bid her tell him. Say—when to stop. He raised himself above her and bent his face to hers. Say: stop kissing me, stop the whisper of sensation, the touch of thy mouth along my throat. Say: stop thy weight, thy hands, up and down; his palms that stroked her arms. She could not. She could not. Say stop, because I know thy face so well, even in the dark, thine eyes that turn to mine in bewilderment, in arrogance. They're blue—dark, like clouds that cross the stars; they laugh without words. No more. Stop now. No more, no more as he hung over her, tracing lines of hot delight on her chin, to her lips, to her temples and eyelashes. Teasing-gentle, dangerous. Oh—stop my hands from holding thy face between them, from pulling thee closer to kiss me, thy mouth on mine, deep and passionate. Stop; it cannot be; we are impossible, an accident of time and place, worlds collided. Stop—thou art so heavy and yet so sweet. So wicked and so sure, kisses at her chin and throat and lower. Say stop... Now—before he drew her shift upward, bare skin to bare skin, his hand on her thigh, sliding to her hip, her waist. And hard against her, his arousal—inference and theory made real. She had seen babies born; she had nursed male patients; she'd listened, quiet and still as in Meeting, when the married women talked immoderately. And that only made her wonder at what they had not said. But they would not have said it, not out loud. Not this, his tongue at the tip of her breast, a slow circle that drew her taut. Not this, his hand on her hip, pulling her up against him in the same rhythm that he tugged at her nipple. She spread her hands on his shoulders and whimpered, arching with him. He responded with a low growl, pressing his body hard to hers. Then he moved back, trailing his forefinger down the center of her torso, her belly, the most intimate curls. Stop, oh stop—don't follow with thy mouth and kiss me and taste—oh, that thou shouldst know such ungodly pleasures. That I should turn and twist beneath thee, all flame. She panted with it, this indecent torture. She drove her fingers into his skin, kneading and pulling, asking him to stop, silently pleading, stop thy kisses, stop now, while I want and want and want... He didn't stop; he answered her body, because all her body said yes. He slipped his fingers inside her, strange and lascivious, hot pressure. He bent his mouth again to her breast. Mindless sensation spread through her. A promiscuous sound came from her throat, a beast's sound. The deep exploration was pain and lust and him, her husband, pushing to discover more of her, to wring soft cries of surrender from her throat. Stop... please... stop. He lifted himself above her. She was open to him, she must say now, say no more, say I do not want thee, I will not have thee, thou must go away and leave me. He came into her, delicious burn, more hurt; her husband—all heat and dark fire; her wicked husband, who knew corrupt worldly things, who held her tight and kissed her and kissed her again while it hurt, stretched his beautiful body over hers, pushing harder, creating pain and soothing it at once, more pain, until she cried out with anguish at the peak. "Oh no—" He was murmuring, kissing her mouth. "Oh no, oh no, sweet Maddy, no—" His voice ached, as if it hurt him too. He was breathing soft and quick, butterflies of caresses at her lashes and cheeks. He held himself over her, wholly inside her, waiting, with a faint, faint tremor in his arms. She gulped for air, her tense muscles slow to realize that the sharp piercing hurt had subsided. A long sigh escaped from her. As if that had been a signal, he bent his head and gave her a kiss as heavy and carnal as his body's ownership of hers. He began to move in her, renewing the pain. Maddy's fingers curled around his arms in alarm. He whispered to her, but she could not understand it; he had gone away into himself, touching her with his tongue, sucking at her skin, as if he could draw her into his mouth as he shoved inside her body. It hurt, but the hurt was drowned in his sensual drive—the penetration burned so deep that it was pleasure to her. She raised her arms around him to take more of it. He moaned, shaking his head, lifting her with each stroke. He seemed to grow tormented, as if she were not close enough; he wanted her closer; he wanted every thrust to make them one. He arched into her with a sound that shuddered from deep in his chest—a long and throbbing stretch, a shiver in him and deep inside of her—and she felt him, as far in penetration as he could go, flooding her with his life. She held him tight to her, held him as he shuddered again and again. Her fingers almost could not touch around his shoulders, he was so much larger than she, and yet he dropped his head and rested on her and nuzzled his face into the curve of her throat like a loving child. "Maddy," he said, between hard breaths, "make you... glad. I swear." She smoothed her hand down his shoulder and his back. She could feel his heart beating. He shuddered again and pushed himself closer to her. "I'll make you glad," he repeated. She bit her lip, resting her head against his. He turned his face deeper into her. "Black Guard won't get you," he said, muffled. Stop. Oh, stop, say stop, but it's too late. Too late. Because God forgive me, I love thee more than my own life. She opened her eyes to morning and close warmth, enfolded in his arms, her hair still pinned up in double braids of the day before. She lay still, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest at her side. Her husband. There would be no undoing now. When she turned he was awake already, lying quiet on his side, looking somewhere beyond her. In the dim morning through the drapes, his hair fanned black over the pillow. His expression was austere, his jaw shadowed. His distant gaze came back to her. Neither of them spoke. The change in things, the profound chasm between yesterday and today lay between them. He rolled away from her and sighed, locking his hands behind his head. Then he glanced toward her sideways. "Regret?" The one word held defiance. She looked in her heart for regret. For anger, or repentance. None of that was there. Only dismay, that she had given in to such weakness. Only a growing sense of the enormity of what she'd done. "I broke," he said. "I... agreement." "I did not ask thee to stop." It was the truth. He turned on his side. His blue eyes watched hers. "Wife," he said. Such an emphatic presence, even to the impression of his body in the bed, that weighted it down and drew her toward him. His knee touched her calf, high up, where no one ever touched her but herself. "Yes," she said, a bare whisper. "I am thy wife in truth." He sat up, flinging back the bedclothes, expelling the dogs from their places. Maddy watched him stalk across the rich room, as graceful and barbaric as the tapestries and paintings. Her own blood marked his skin. The drapes rattled as he pulled them wide. Intense sunlight flooded in, outlining him with the glare. Elevated as the room was, all she saw beyond him through the glass was light and sky. He leaned one arm on the casement. Then he looked back at her, and grinned. "My wife," he said. "Good." He stood there, relaxed, a half-shadowed silhouette against the streamers of radiance. His wife. She blinked and glanced away, because it hurt her eyes to look at him.
Alone with him, uncommitted, she had not made any approaches to the staff; she had lived in his home like a guest, but neither Lady de Marly nor Jervaulx would allow such a dereliction of duty any longer. "He is the duke; you are his duchess—begin as you mean to go on," his aunt declared. At her direction, Maddy had sent a request for the quarterly accounts, and sat down with Rhodes and Calvin Elder to review them. A full half-year of pages were laid before her—and Maddy learned for the first time that while the duke's absence had been presented to the staff only as a lengthy illness, Rhodes and Calvin Elder were well aware of the nature of it. Although the word "asylum" was never breathed, she suspected that they had been quite uneasy about their future and who would control it. They were stiff with Maddy, but not uncooperative—and before they departed, Rhodes asked a guarded question about whether there was any idea of closing up the castle at all. "I don't know," Maddy said honestly. "I'll ask the duke. But he seems very much at home here." "Pray don't ask, Your Grace! Don't indeed. 'Twas a foolish question." Calvin Elder gave Rhodes a severe glance. "Your talk will run on to absurdities, Mrs. Rhodes. Why should His Grace close the castle?" Rhodes accepted this rebuke in astringent silence. Maddy thought it best to meet the matter head on. "Ye have heard, perhaps, that the duke's competence to conduct his business is in question?" "We haven't heard anything, Your Grace, but that His Grace was ill," Calvin Elder said—a patent falsehood. "It's true he has been ill. It's true that there is to be a hearing for his competency in several months." They both looked at her stoically. "Dost thou believe him to seem incompetent?" she asked the steward. "Certainly not, Your Grace." "He cannot speak well," she replied. "Very true; I've remarked that. But he does not seem anything but able to me." Maddy thought this was something of a statement of policy rather than of sincerity, but it showed at least where the steward's loyalty lay. "Yes," she said. "If ye will be patient, and give him time, and listen well, then ye will find that he's quite able." "Very well, Your Grace." "I'll keep these to overlook." She drew the books to her. "And I ask each of thee to inform all of the servants beneath ye that I am not to be addressed as Your Grace, but simply as your mistress. I am—I was raised in the principles of the Society of Friends, and I cannot be easy with the other." "'Mistress,' Your Grace?" "Mistress," she said firmly. "Simply that." "May I request the favor of using the address of 'Madam'?" Calvin Elder asked. "As more in keeping with the honor of the house?" Maddy looked directly at him. "I think the honor of the house will be better upheld by the conduct of those within it than by how I am addressed." She instantly heard how self-righteous she must sound, and bit her lip. She added, "I don't pretend that I know anything of a household such as this; I'll need your help and guidance. But—I will not be false with ye; I expect that ye will not be false with me. The duke is in real danger of being judged unfit. If that happens, I cannot vouch for what will come after. So perhaps no one will blame ye if ye choose not to obey me now. But as I... I am his wife, I must do what falls to me in that regard at present, and in the manner that seems best to me." "Yes, Mistress," Rhodes said. "There's been things said—we've heard this and that and the other about His Grace, and it's unsettling. I for one thank you for your frankness. 'Tis better to know the worst than to be kept in the dark and wonder." "Indeed. Thank you... Mistress." Calvin Elder gave the lesser address as if it were a strange foreign word, but he gave it. Maddy had conducted the session with the staff alone, in the duchess' boudoir, but afterward Lady de Marly sat with her in the drawing room to judge the accuracy and necessity of the expenditures. The last quarter to have undergone query had the duke's scrawled notations tipped in, mostly instructions to Calvin Elder about plumbing repairs. The entire expense of the place was staggering. There was a woodman, and five gamekeepers; watermen, lamp-and-candle men, sixteen chambermaids, three carpenters, an upholsterer and someone called a "gong-man." The costs of candles alone left Maddy light-headed: she felt guilty that Jervaulx had lit so many to chase away ghosts in the hall. She and Lady de Marly were in ready agreement that the amount of ale consumed belowstairs had been overmuch for a household with no visiting entourage—Maddy painstakingly reckoning up the daily demand against the vast number of staff—but when she objected to thirteen pounds for hair powder for the footmen and grooms of the chambers, she found herself immediately at odds with all moral rectitude and virtue. "The honor of the house," Lady de Marly stated, as if that settled the matter. "Still," Maddy said, "I think that the custom may be discontinued except on special occasions, and when no guests are present." "You know nothing of such things, ignorant girl. They would look ramshackle without powder." "I shall note that hair is to be kept short and neat at all times." Maddy made a memorandum, the way the duke had done, and placed it in the book. "Humbug! They must be powdered!" "On special occasions, and when guests are present," Maddy said, adding it to her memo. "Oh, you are one of those, are you?" Maddy looked up at Lady de Marly in question. "One of those soft-voiced, serene girls that just go on chewing their cud and walking straight ahead, say what you may to them." She smiled a little. "No. I think by nature I'm shrewish and managing, as thou art. But I discovered from my father that a quiet obstinacy is the perfect counter to it." "Shrewish! Do you dare! Of all the impertinent—" "You... pride in it," Jervaulx said, walking in from his bedchamber. "Aunt." "Tell this silly chit that the men must be powdered!" He paused. "Men must... what?" "The menservants," Maddy said. "Hair powder. Thou hast spent thirteen pounds upon it last quarter." "A pittance," his aunt exclaimed. "They must be powdered. Your consequence, Jervaulx!" "They might wear powder on special occasions," Maddy said, "and with guests." "Guests can arrive at any time. Visitors come to tour without notice. You don't understand an establishment of this stature. Jervaulx—I suggest you set your wife in order straightaway." He looked between the two of them, sober, as if it were a profound controversy. "Solomon." He brought down his hand in a vertical cut. "Half powder... half not." Maddy made a count. "There are seven of them. They can't be divided evenly." Her husband did not blink. "Powder half their heads." She hesitated, and then broke into a peal of laughter. Christian watched her with pleasure. She always laughed as if she hadn't ever had the enjoyment before, as if the very act surprised her. He would have her painted. Lawrence, he thought, regretting Rembrandt with an inner smile. She wasn't beautiful; she was like the small painting—a moment, a fleeting shade of expression—he would have liked to have it caught, that instant when he coaxed her, when those sultry lashes lifted and the straight-laced propriety changed to something else, when the promise gave way to reality. He'd learned that a matter-of-fact bearing relaxed her, and from there a gentle tease was most effective: a silly joke more likely to disarm her than gallantry or urgent wooing. Her sense of humor was unsophisticated. The more patently ludicrous a jest, the more likely she was to understand. He wondered if her Quakers ever laughed at all. He had another item to please her. He held out a note scribbled in Durham's hand. "Father is... now coming. Today perhaps." Joy blossomed in her face, and instant trepidation. She took the paper from him, read it quickly, and pressed her lips together. "Oh," she said helplessly, "what must he think?" "He ought to think you've done prodigious well for yourself," Aunt Vesta said, ill-tempered. "I should not have married without his permission. I should not have taken it into my own hands." A little tinge of panic crept into her voice. Christian watched the play of emotion in her face. "He will... is... angry?" "Oh, no. He would never be angry. He will only be—he will be so quiet! He will make me cry, because I ought to have been better!" "Better?" Lady de Marly demanded. "You've made the best match in the country, my girl! I'll tell him so, if he don't know it for himself." Maddy only clenched her hands around the note. Christian walked back into his chamber, then stopped and turned at the door. "Maddygirl," he said. "I thee wed. Don't... forget." He met her eyes. He wasn't going to beg for her allegiance. He'd made her his own, by law and by physical possession. She was his. He only hoped to God that Durham had done some bloody persuasive talking to Timms. Maddy had wished for her father so violently before, and almost as violently wished now that she could have more time before she saw him. She should have written to him, made some manner of explanation. She dreaded his coming. And yet, when Calvin Elder brought the news that a chaise approached the castle, she rushed down to the gatehouse and was there to see the conveyance roll into the first court. "Papa!" She was at the window before the postilion had brought the team to a halt. "Oh, Papa." Durham had come with him; the younger man rose and gave her father his support. Papa negotiated the steps and stood before her, all bundled in a furred greatcoat that diminished him to birdlike delicacy. "Maddy girl," he said warmly—and she knew he was glad to be with her, at least. She went into his arms, hugging him close. "Oh, I have missed thee. I have missed thee." He kissed her cheek, holding onto her hands. "Maddy girl," he repeated, as if it were all that he could say. He stood back from her and reached up to touch her face, smiling a little. "What hast thou done?" She shook her head. "Papa, I—" She lost her voice. She squeezed his hands very hard. "Nothing will change!" she exclaimed. "Thou art to live here with us, did Durham tell thee? It is—oh, Papa, if thou couldst see it! It's a castle, with great towers and a hall as big as a steeplehouse. I don't—I don't know what I've done! I only knew—thou commanded me to stay with him, and I did, and this has come of it." He patted her. "Verily, Maddy—I did not command thee. I wouldst not. I asked thee at Chalfont Giles, was it so difficult to stay—and thou answered me that thou couldst not desert him." "Yes, but thy message—" "No need to dally," Durham said. "It's bitter cold out here, don't you think, Duchess? Let us—ah! Here's Shev." Jervaulx came across the graveled court. Durham grasped his arm at the elbow, held it for a moment's grip between the two of them. "How do, my man? An old married fellow, by God." Jervaulx took her father's hand, enveloping it in both of his. "Timms. Welcome. Come in... the cold." Maddy found herself trailing behind as they guided him off between them. She hurried forward. "There are stairs, Papa. Two long flights. Here—now they begin." Amid an echo of footsteps on stone, Jervaulx and Durham escorted her father up. "It's very formidable to see," Maddy said to him from alongside. "They're—oh, they must be three yards wide, and go up beneath arches, with columns at the landing. There is a huge ancient door at the top and a footman to hold it open for us." "In... powder," Jervaulx added firmly. "So far no trouble with Timms," Durham said after dinner, as he and Christian lingered alone in the Great Chamber with their port. "Told him it was a surprise love match. Swept away, and so forth. Do you think she'll say anything to contradict it?" Christian considered. He thought of Maddy in his bed, of ghosts and a shy sudden laugh. He rested his fist on the table and turned his thumb up. "Ah. Going well, is it?" Durham asked. "Well, I was vague about the details, but I doubt he'll go comparing notes. All he cared for was that she was safe." "Not... angry... wed?" Durham popped a slice of cheese into his mouth and wriggled his fingers. "Bit puzzled by it all, I think. Doesn't say much, or ask many questions. He's a fine old chap. No fool, either, under that hat brim. Just demanded to know whether you meant honorable by his girl. Don't think he gives a candle for the rest. Didn't ask a thing about money nor endowments. Likes you, that's the sum of it. Thinks you're a bloody genius." Christian made an ironical grunt. "Bloody... imbecile." "Plain as a pikestaff that you're better than when I saw you last. Nearly good as new." Durham lifted his port. "This will pass. Got to. I only hope you won't look back and wish you'd done differently when the time comes." "Good new... do you think?" "Well, listen to you. You'll be putting 'em to sleep in the Lords in a trifle." Christian tried to imagine speaking again in the House. His pulse rose. "The Lord... the... can't... " It all locked, the very thought of a public address driving him to halting inarticulation. "Damn!" He flung himself away from the windows. At the bookcase wall he stopped. He took hold of a pair of pilasters, gazing at the leather and gilt and Latin titles lined between them. Then he dropped his forehead against the shelf edge, the ancient musty smell of books in his nostrils, the wood hard against his head. "Can't!" Durham was silent. Christian stood with his back to the room. He took a deep breath and pushed himself away, turning. "Afraid." He shook his head and sank into a chair. "Afraid... never... Durham." "I don't believe it. Damn it, Shev, I won't believe it! You've come this far!" "Far." Christian's lip curled in mockery. "Listen... me." "You've got to keep trying. Perhaps if you had a—a tutor of some sort." "My head. Gone! Try... try... no! Try is... make worse. Understand?" "What, then? You go to ground in this place for the rest of your days? It won't do, Shev. They'll hark in, force you to break cover. There's too much at stake. Manning's been with your mother every day, did you know it?" Christian's hands tightened on the chair arms. Manning—his sister Charlotte's husband, who'd stood with barristers and bagwigs in that room. Watching. Waiting to see him stripped and chained. A violent surge of anger spiked through him, shame and dread mingling, holding him mute. He worked his hand on the arm, pressing his fingers into the wood until they hurt. "New... hearing," he managed at last, as calm as he could make it. "It's their chance. I called on him myself, just to get a notion how things stood, and I'll tell you, Shev, it chilled my blood. The man's got himself all talked into it, how you've always been erratic and promiscuous; that if you're left free to act, you'll run the estate into ruin, and there's the future of your nephews at stake. The worst of it is, he's made himself believe it. They're not going to give it up. And I've got to warn you—when they heard of this marriage, it was the devil to pay. It plays right into their hands. Don't think because you haven't had word from 'em yet that you won't." Christian closed his eyes. He could not have spoken if he'd wanted to. "For Maddy to get a penny—it'll be like stripping the hide from 'em alive," Durham said. "They'll do anything they can to stop it." Christian nodded. "So don't say 'never.' You've got responsibilities. To your wife, if nothing else." He thought of that—beyond himself, to what would become of Maddy if he were to be declared incompetent. If they took him back. They'd set aside the marriage, certainly. His family would never tolerate it. Yesterday it would not have been such a disaster for her. But today... To lie in the cell, to lie imprisoned there not knowing where she was, what they'd done to her; not even knowing if she was alive. He imagined it, and the nightmare of that place descended to a depth he had not known it could fathom. Maddy had seen her father settled in and retired directly after dinner. She spent a good deal of time making certain that his chamber was not smoky and that the bed was warmed. "Thou must not linger overlong with me, Maddy," he chided her softly. "Thy husband will expect thee." "Oh, no—I'm sure the duke won't mind." She found herself covered in self-conscious blushes. "Lady de Marly and Durham are there." "Still—perhaps it is thee that he would rather see. Thou hast only been married a week." "But I thought we might talk—" "Go away now, Maddy girl." He smiled. "I'm tired and need to sleep." "Papa," she protested faintly. He pulled the bedclothes up and closed his eyes. Maddy sat still. After a moment, he rustled the sheets and turned over away from her. By the time she rang for a footman to take her back through the dark passages and hall to the drawing room, Durham and the duke had come in after their port. Durham didn't linger. When Lady de Marly announced that she would go, he politely rose and offered to escort her. Maddy was left alone with Jervaulx. Instantly, a desperate modesty overcame her, an exquisite awareness of him—and herself. She watched him snuff the candles, leaving only the sharp odor of extinguished wicks and the orange light from the hearth. He went into his bedchamber. The door was open, the room beyond well lit with oil, but Maddy felt bound to her chair. Papa had steadfastly refused to give any opinion on her marriage. She didn't think he condemned it entirely—at least he did not seem disappointed or cross with her—but he was troubled, that she knew. She sat in the chair, her legs pressed together, her hands holding the silken ends of her shawl clasped in her lap. Jervaulx came back to the door in his shirtsleeves, a silhouette against the light from his bedchamber. The coals gave just enough illumination to pick out the shape of his face and the pale fall of the lace on his shirt front. He leaned against the doorframe. Maddy ducked her head and clasped her hands more tightly on the shawl. She heard nothing; only his shadow falling across the light on the carpet told her that he came into the room. He walked behind her. He began to take down her hair, searching out the pins and letting them fall silently on the floor. Her plaits came free. She kept her head lowered as they tumbled across her shoulders. As she sat there still, he began to unbraid them. He spread the ends between his fingers, fanning them open, holding them up to her cheeks to stroke her, feathery, tickling, down the line of her jaw, behind her ears. He traced her throat, pushing away the shawl that she held to her. It slipped from her fingers. Softly the fans of hair caressed her bared shoulders, in circles and arcs, to the nape of her neck. She felt his fingers work at her buttons—perfectly capable of it, but slow, one by one downward, unhooking her stays, too. Maddy bent her head as her clothing loosened. She breathed deeply. He moved in front of her, offering his hand. Maddy stood, expecting him to lead her to the bedchamber, but instead he slid his fingers through her braids, releasing the woven strands, spreading them, combing through them. There was an intensity about him, a strange severity. He never looked into her face. Fireglow traced his cheekbones and his jaw and glinted on his lashes. He worked her hair, worked it all free, fanned it open, a cloak around her. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her dress and underclothes down her arms. Maddy made a faint sound of protest. Not here, in the open room. Christian heard her, but he did not pause. He couldn't remember when he had first begun to imagine this: her hair around her in fragrant waves, her pale skin a glimpse beneath. It had been somewhere in the nightmare, and while he had her now, had freedom and sense and beauty before him—while he could touch her he would do it in the light, to make it real. While she stood immobile, he drew her hair forward in a curtain over her breasts. He allowed her that defense, covered her in a sheen of dark gold, while beneath it he took down all her clothes to her waist, sliding the dress and the white plain shift past her elbows and her wrists. She made another small sound, as if she wished to remonstrate. But her hands were unresisting as he brought them free of the dress. "This is not—" She caught her breath as he rested his palms on her bare torso. "Jervaulx." "Christian." He put his forehead down to her shoulder, breathing the liberated scent of her. "With other... Jervaulx. With... alone—Christian." He was exploring beneath the rippled shower of her hair. His hand touched one straining hook. He released it between his thumb and forefinger. The clothes dropped in a bank of silk and linen at her feet. "Oh," she said, a whimper of excited misery. Below the dramatic length of her hair, her stockings showed white down to the tops of her incongruous stout shoes. Christian smiled. Sturdy Maddy. Luscious Maddy. Layers and layers, prim-provocative-puritanical Maddygirl. He knelt before her and unfastened the shoes, powerfully aware of the whisper of her hair at his temple. Turning his head, he kissed her calf and the side of her knee through the thick cascade. He cupped both his palms around her leg, sliding them up and down the knitted wool, exerting pressure inside her knee to invite her to come to him. She caught his shoulders, unbalanced. Christian clasped her stockinged foot, delicate and arched as she lifted it free of the rigid shoe. She drew quickly from his hold, setting her foot down amid the puffs and folds of silk, taking her hands from him. He coaxed the other leg, but this time she lifted free of her own accord—a moment, the white tip of her toe in his view—and then she stepped back swiftly, her hair moving in a wave around her. He sat back on the carpet in front of the fire, gazing up at her. The temple of her hair made her virginal—her shoulders glowed ivory where the shiny tumble parted over them—nun-like and seductive at once, a living image of bronze and gold. "Don't look at me!" she said in a strained, small voice. "Why?" He didn't take his eyes away. "It is—creaturely." Christian leaned back, propping his elbows on his aunt's cushioned footstool. "You're... beautiful creature." "No," she whispered. "Yes." "Thou art so wicked!" "To say... beautiful? Not to say... is lying. Can't lie, Maddygirl. You taught... no lies." She held her arms crossed over her breasts. Her eyes were shadowed in soft radiance. And then, unexpectedly, she dropped to her knees at his feet. She shook her hair back, half-revealing herself. The rise and fall of her breathing brought a glimpse of the tips of her breasts. Sharp desire rose in him. The virginal image fell away like a mask: she was a nymph of fire and shade, offering herself. "No," she said. "I ought not to pretend." She lifted one hand a little toward him, and let it fall helplessly. "But I don't—I don't know what to do." He could have taken her down and had her, without ceremony, without regard for anything but the lust that coursed through him. He could have held her beneath him, pinned down on those waves of hair, thrust hard into her with the force of his own desire. But all the experience was his. She would not admire him for how he'd obtained it, but it was not lack of hunger that held him still: it was the strength of an exhaustive education in the finer points of love. "Do... what you like," he said. She hesitated. He held quiescent, relaxed, watching her. She bent her head a little, her hair falling forward around her cheeks. She touched his boot. Christian smiled, observing her: suddenly the sensual nymph vanished and she became plain practical Maddy again—she slipped the trouser strap off his heel, took hold of his foot with both hands and jerked the halfboot loose with a deft motion, out and up, then slid it free, as efficient as any seasoned valet. He wriggled his toes at her. Primly, she set the boot aside. In a moment, she had dispatched the second and positioned it neatly next to its mate. She scooted forward a few inches, arranged her hair modestly, sank back onto her heels, and drew his feet into her lap. Christian tilted his head back, gazing up at the ceiling in pleasure. But he didn't want to waste it, not while he had Maddy to look at, Maddy enrobed in her extraordinary hair, rubbing his feet as if it were a task of the most solemn gravity. She kneaded his arches and his heels, and stopped sometimes to turn one foot a little, looking down at it, bending slightly, inspecting, he presumed, to see that she had done a thorough job. In one of these pauses, he arched his foot and touched his toe to her body, pushing the sheet of her hair aside a fraction. Below her throat, a pale ribbon of light found her skin down the nave of an erotic cathedral. Last night had been all feeling; tonight it was all the sight of her, in glimpses, in secret moments. He allowed her hair to fall back as she resumed her earnest massage. He wriggled his toes again to get her attention, which seemed to have fixed too intently on the business of kneading. She looked up. He drew his feet away and propped them flat on the floor, watching her between his knees. It was a dare: she had to come forward to him or retreat entirely. "This is not equitable," she said, on a plaintive note. "Why?" "Thou art... dressed." He smiled complacently. "Thou art wicked and creaturely," she accused. He tilted his head to the side and lifted his eyebrows. "Thou art laughing at me!" "Not." He stretched his legs out on either side of her. "Waiting." "Am I to undress thee?" she demanded. "Is that what I'm supposed to do?" He brought his feet together to her hips, caressing her. "Want?" Her eyes evaded his. She dropped her gaze to the carpet in front of her. He moved his toes slowly over her bare skin and hair. "No false... Maddygirl," he said gently. "Want?" She took a deep breath, exhaled it, and leaned forward over him. It was all Christian could do to hold himself in check. Her position on her hands revealed her vividly, full breasts under a wash of gold that caught the firelight, that was too finely translucent to conceal shape behind it. Supporting herself on one hand, she loosened the buttons on his trousers. Her hair slid down, unveiling her back and the curve of her buttocks. She made a quick move to catch it back, rising, a sudden vision of everything; her smooth torso, her breasts, the line of her belly and dark crown of curls. Christian's restraint deserted him. He sat up, leaning on his hands. She seemed startled; she looked at him like a diffident forest creature, drawing back—but he caught her between his legs. He reached up and pulled her down on top of him. He lay back on the carpet, kissing her throat, her breasts, her hair falling all around. But he didn't want to hurry—he wanted a luxurious, slow bonfire. With an effort, he relaxed his hands, smoothed them down her body that was poised above him. She had not drawn away, not after that first moment: she seemed to wait, not quite meeting his eyes, her lips parted a little. "Do you know... I like... lazy." He locked his hands behind his head. "Still... wait." "I don't know what to do," she whispered again, woeful. "Can't think?" Firelight glistened where she wet her lips. "No. I can't." "Up," he said. "Up on... knees." When she made no move, he caught her wrists. He pushed her, his palms against hers, until she knelt upright. She tried to pull her hands away, but he knew what she would do if he allowed it. "Don't hide." He kept them locked with his. "I remember... first night I saw you... my table... all prim stiff proper... thee-thou... Miss Timms." He smiled. "Oh, Miss Timms. I saw you... like this." Her cheeks bloomed rosy. "Because thou art wicked." "You say... wicked. So bad, Maddygirl?" She gazed down at him, apparently unaware of the picture she presented and what it did to him—at least, she did not look any lower than his face. "You tell... first saw me... what you thought." She gave a faint breath of amusement. "I thought thou wert a wicked man." "Despise." He raised his knees beside her and closed them on her hips. "Scorn. Go home... . pray." "I liked thee a little better after thou offered the mathematical chair to Papa." "Ambition," he said. "Good wife." That got a real smile from her. He swayed her slightly with his legs. "Shrewd. Ambition." He let go of one of her hands and swept her hair back over her shoulder. "Beautiful." She began to breathe more quickly. He touched her, traced his fingers along her waist and up to her breast. He outlined the underswell of it with his forefinger. "I like that," she said, in a soft, unexpected rush of words. "So do I," he said solemnly. Her breast rose and fell beneath his caress. He went slowly, watching her, every stroke reflected in her face. When he touched her nipple, she drew in a sharp breath and caught her lower lip in her teeth. Christian made a low groan. He pulled upright, closing the space between them. With his tongue he traced the path of his fingers. He rested his hands at her waist and opened his mouth over her nipple, sucking. She whimpered, arching into him. His hands slipped downward, thumbs sliding over the provocative short curls. She still had the scent of the night before about her, dense with heat and his passion. Dimly he felt her fingers burrow into his hair, drawing him closer. He pushed his hand between her legs, coaxing them apart, over his, straddling him wide open—prim Maddy, exquisite sensitive amorous Maddygirl, her hair cascading down over one shoulder, her head tilted back and her lips parted, panting. He made it last. He made it last oh so long, caressing her, teasing her, until her thighs trembled and she gasped each time he touched her. And when he moved beneath her she made a sharp whimper and her eyes sprang open, and she watched him as he did it, easing inside her, pulling her back down onto him. He lifted his head from the carpet to suckle her. She moved with awkward exquisite jerks, writhing, until he cupped his hands at her buttocks and taught her the rhythm, her hair sliding between his palms and her skin. With a lovely suddenness, she came—with little female cries, like an unquiet dreamer: he brought his arms up around her and held her close for an instant—then with one deep thrust, holding her hips down to take it, he let go of the lust he'd kept dammed inside him. When it was finished he held her hard against his chest and never closed his eyes—to make it real, and banish nightmares in the firelight.
Maddy could barely look at Jervaulx the next day, though he did nothing to indicate he remembered her abandon, or even that he'd taken notice of it. She thought he was even somewhat cooler toward her than usual, composed and collected, treating her in the presence of the others with nothing more intimate than common courtesy. His demeanor was all casual detachment—except for one private glance behind his aunt's back: that crooked pirate's smile, swift and secret, blue eyes beneath black lashes, while everyone stood round a roaring fire in the hall and discussed plans for the tenants' Christmas dinner. Maddy felt herself blush all over, unable even to break the glance. Jervaulx's smile turned into a grin—and then it was gone, and he looked away. Durham was suggesting a ball, with waltzing, while Lady de Marly asserted that a pair of oxen roasted, a good dinner of three courses—not less than two hundred dishes to each, mind you—and an elevating concert of religious music after had always been quite sufficient, and would be in the future. Papa smiled at both ideas, and Calvin Elder wore an expression of attentive discernment, as if he had participated in such controversies times out of number, but owed it to his position to consider the arguments one more time. The Reverend Mr. Durham spent no time on rational propositions to counter Lady de Marly. He merely bowed before her, turning a graceful leg, and began to hum as he lifted her hand and drew her into a revolution. Her stick went clattering. She made an irritated exclamation, but her feet moved with a surprising freedom. "Unhand me, you outrageous boy," she sputtered, pulling away. "You'll break my bones!" He held her by one hand, steadying her, still humming as he danced himself around her. "A waltz, my lady! Dumdum-ta-dumdum-ta-dummm, dumdum-ta-dumdum—" Maddy found herself swept away as unexpectedly as Lady de Marly, her husband's arm around her waist, his hum blending with Durham's, their voices gaining strength. Maddy had no idea how to dance; she scrambled to keep her balance, stepping out by necessity as the duke spun her about the floor. The humming had become impromptu music, dumdum-ta-dumdum-ta-dummm, in strong masculine notes that echoed from the walls while the room whirled about her. His hold on her was light and commanding; his coattails spun out and her skirts flared as they turned. Maddy had to keep her feet moving smartly or be flung off them—though each time that it seemed she must be, he drew her into a spin that saved her. When her toe came down hard on his, his only reaction was an emphatic ta instead of a dum, a pointed smile and a tighter hold on her waist. He and Durham came to the end of their musical piece. Jervaulx held her arm up, bowing to her with a flourish. "Duchess! Thank you." As Maddy stood flushed, trying to catch her breath, he looked toward the others. "Can't... dance," he said. "I don't know how," Maddy exclaimed. "Friends aren't to dance!" The three of them looked at her. She felt absurdly awkward in her everyday shoes, more clumsy even than Lady de Marly under the weight of years. "It is an idle amusement," she said. Lady de Marly sighed. "Hire her a master, Jervaulx." Calvin Elder met a footman hovering at the screens passage and returned to them carrying a silver tray with two letters on it. "The post is beforehand today, Your Grace. Shall I have it sent to your study?" He bowed briefly toward the duke's aunt. "There is an item for Lady de Marly." "Leave it in my parlor," she said. "Do you suppose that Italian who taught the girls is still in the country, Jervaulx?" The duke had taken his letter. He broke it open without aid—a small achievement that no one seemed to note except Maddy, not even Jervaulx himself. "I should be glad to lend myself to the task," Durham offered, "until you can find a master. But we'll need someone to play the instrument." "I don't wish to learn to dance," Maddy said. "I'll have no occasion for it." "Best have a violoncello for music, but no doubt we'll only find some widow woman who can play the pianoforte in the village," Lady de Marly said. "I really don't wish—" "Humbug," Lady de Marly said. "None of your dissenter faradiddle, girl. If you want to be excused from waltzing, you may do so on the grounds of propriety, but the respectable dances are a requirement. You're no invalid; you'll be expected to stand up with the duke or look no-how." Maddy would have argued further, but as she started to speak, she glanced at Jervaulx. Her words faded. He stood with the letter in his hand, unfocused, his face white and set. "What's wrong?" she blurted. As soon as she had spoken, she wished that she'd kept silent. The others looked toward him. A shade of wariness came into his expression. He said nothing. "Let me see it," Lady de Marly said, holding out her hand for the letter. He looked toward her as if he'd forgotten she was standing there. He shook his head. "Let me see it." "No. Nothing." He frowned. "Nothing." "Don't be a fool, boy," his aunt insisted. "What have you there? Let me see it." He crumpled the paper in his fingers. Without answering he threw it into the fire as he strode across the hall and out. "Young fool," Lady de Marly said. Maddy turned on her. "Canst thou not speak to him as if he is a man, and not a wayward child?" "I speak to him as I always have, miss. Why should I change now?" "He is changed." "But the world is the same. Don't discount it." She thumped her stick on the floor. "The world is always with us—and don't you discount it, Duchess." Christian stood with his back to the parapet, leaning his shoulders on cold stone, the wind whipping up through an arrow slit and blowing his hair against the back of his head. A falcon coasted over Belletoire, rising up above the tower in a hurtling curve, and then tilting into a drift down and sideways. Beyond that, the sky was empty gray. Christian stared at nothing. It had been a stupid move, of course. Those moments two nights ago had seduced him, the fleeting instants when his speech had been intact. He'd thought, if he just concentrated— He'd gone alone to write, and known while he was doing it that it was not quite accurate. He saw his mistakes, but when he tried to locate them exactly, they seemed to disappear, only to reappear at the corner of his eye when he looked away. When he'd seen the sheet upside down, folding it, he'd realized how odd it was—all shifted to one side. But he had given it to Calvin Elder to dispatch anyway. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. He heard footsteps from the open stairwell. It would be Maddy; everyone else knew he was not to be followed here. He'd half-expected that she would come, half-hoped it, left the doors ajar so that she could guess the way. She stepped out onto the battlement. No cloak. The wind caught her skirt and blew it around her legs, showing the stalwart shoes and white stockings. Loyal-simple-can't-dance Maddy, who would not ridicule him. Who would not think she had to tell him what he realized painfully well already. Who would know, if he said he was afraid, what he had to be afraid of. He held out his hand to her. She hesitated and then took it, warm bare skin against his. He enfolded her in his arms, sheltering them both against the castle wall. She was silent. He put his forehead down to her shoulder. For a long time, he rested there, hiding. Then he said, "I was... I write... Bailey. At Monmouth. Send for here... write settlements." He shuddered, the cold seeping into his bones. He held her closer to him. "Bailey... fifteen years... attorney... manage the... manage my affairs. Agent farm... buying land... election... county—the county... all. Everything here." Christian gazed over her to the long ridge, the shoulder of Jervaulx Castle and the distant rise of mountains behind it. "He doesn't come. He writes. He will not... act." Christian gave a short, anguished laugh. "He will not act." He turned his head, his lips against her cold ear. He held her hard because he thought he was going to weep. She stood steadily. Her hand crept up and found his, locking fingers. "My write—my letter—it was... bad. I think... it was bad. Mistakes. Stupid!" "Next time," she said, "I will look at thy writing first, if thou wish it." A comfortable, unremarkable, Maddygirl answer. She looked forward, instead of back. Next time. Next time we will do better. He was responsible for her. He had to do better. Far better. He had to be perfect, so no one could doubt him. So no one could steal his life, no one could take her, no one could lay hands on him and lock him back in that place. "Maddy. Hearing... got... I... " He broke off in frustration. The way his speech disintegrated under attention and strenuous effort terrified him more than anything: he knew that when he was judged again, he would want it so fiercely he would drive it away. "Fail. Too... strain. Idiot!" "Sometimes—" She paused, and then said, "Sometimes, thou art capable." He groaned and tilted his head back to the wall. "Why not... now? Hearing—" He groaned again. "Never!" She lifted her arms and crossed them over his. "I wish thou couldst exercise and drill, to make thee easier." He could attempt it. But there was nothing that would accustom him to the pressure of unexpected demands, the ordeal of critical eyes on him. Nothing. He looked out on the empty valley and the ridges: Jervaulx, that he loved, that he had known all his life—a secure and precarious refuge. He was vulnerable here, but he didn't know what else to do, where to go that would be safe. She touched his hand, folding it into her cold fingers. He turned his face to her throat, kissing her, warming her with himself, burning away fear with the flame that blazed instantly between them. Lady de Marly waited in the drawing room when they came down from the tower. She stood up, leaning on her stick. "I've had this from your esteemed brother-in-law," she said, brandishing a paper. "Stoneham. It seems that one of them grows squeamish." She held up her lorgnette, eyeing the missive. "He understands that the public nature of a jury hearing would be offensive to you," she read, "and degrading to the family—hah! Degrading! Late for him to think of that! He offers you a trust in lieu of a declaration of incompetence. You're to live on the Cumberland property, with income of four thousand, the remainder of the estate to be put into the hands of trustees. You agree to borrow nothing against it." Jervaulx made a sound. He took a stride and snatched the letter from his aunt. He tore it in two strips and flung them into the grate. "You did not allow me to finish," Lady de Marly said coolly. "Stoneham wishes us to know that Mr. Manning in particular isn't fully convinced of the wisdom of a private trust, and prefers the clean cut. He desires that you be declared incompetent and put away—'however painful in the short term,' as I believe it was described. But Stoneham believes that as long as you agree to renounce your marriage to the Quaker in the ecclesiastical courts, the others can be brought round in the matter." The duke simply stared at her, a look of cold, killing fury in his face. His aunt did not flinch. "Your pride will not serve you well in this," she snapped. "Think of it, Jervaulx—if you go before a jury and fail—you lose it all. This is an offer. An opening for negotiation." "Offer!" he shouted. "Hang bloody rotting offer—Damn bastards! No!" "Make a counter," Lady de Marly said. "You live here. A trust, but you want thirty thousand a year. The marriage is valid, and you require a statement signed by all your relatives that male issue in your line hold the title without prejudice." He grabbed a poker from the hearth and sent it swinging across the surface of a marquetry chest, smashing candelabra and Chinese bowls to the floor. His aunt gazed at the shattered and bent remains. "I believe you are mad," she said icily. "Or worse, a fool." "No... offer," he uttered. He swung at a needle-pointed pole-screen by the fire, snapping the gilt stave, sending the two pieces toppling on the hearth. "No... trust!" "I will not stand here while you bring the place down around our heads," Lady de Marly declared. She moved toward the door. "We will speak again when you can control yourself." Jervaulx seemed to have forgot Maddy was there. He muttered, "No, no, no!" in a ferocious undertone, yanking the bell-rope as the door closed on his aunt. A footman appeared. "Calvin!" the duke snarled. "Ledger—in the study!" He turned his glare on Maddy. "You come... me." Books loaded the shelves floor-to-ceiling on every wall except the one behind the desk, where a mounted slate was covered with chalked equations. But what dominated the duke's study—standing aimed at a small hinged shutter in the window like an elegant brass lance set at the stars—was a gleaming telescope, some seven feet long, with a horse bridle hung over the wheel that guided the tripod's hinge. Jervaulx threw himself into the rolling desk chair as if he knew precisely how far it would travel before he turned it, rummaging among the clutter before him. With an impatient grunt, he shed papers, notebooks, a pair of well-worn boots, and three globes—two of earth and one of the light side of the moon—to create an open space on the desk. He glanced at Maddy. "Sit. You... hear." Maddy had to move a stack of journals, a piece of some sort of machinery, and several models of cannon brightly painted in red and black to find a place. She pulled her shawl close in the chilly room. Calvin Elder entered, carrying a fat ledger and a leather packet tied in brown ribbon. "A boy has just brought this from Monmouth, Your Grace. It was not trusted to the post." "Bailey?" "Yes. From Mr. Bailey, Your Grace." Jervaulx gave the packet a caustic look and waved toward the corner of his desk. Calvin Elder set the case atop a file box there. He laid the ledger in the open space the duke had cleared. Thick, the corners worn down to paleness, the book bore a much more ponderous look of authority than the thin household notebooks Maddy had been given to examine. Jervaulx opened it at the marker. Those four simple words—He will not act—had not seemed to Maddy such fearsome news. They touched the duke's pride, brought him face on with harsh reality, but she'd not seen more in them than that. She watched Jervaulx gaze at the ledger page Calvin Elder had marked. The steward cleared his throat. "I have been most pleased to see Your Grace return to Jervaulx," he said. The duke made no answer. He just looked at the book, not turning backward or forward. Calvin Elder stood with his age-gnarled hands locked together, moving his thumb back and forth over his wrist. "I have queried Mr. Bailey for more money, and Mr. Bailey has queried London, and we were informed only that the receiver-general there could not act." Jervaulx did not even appear to be reading the ledger; he just seemed mesmerized by that one page of it. "For want of different instruction, I've kept the castle functioning in the usual state," Calvin Elder went on in a voice that began to exhibit an old man's quaver. "With wages drawn from the household funds until they were exhausted. I took the liberty of delaying payment of my own salary last quarter, Your Grace, in order to meet the roll. The supplies I've obtained on account." He was not looking at the duke, but over his head at the slate behind. "I would just like to add that I'm delighted Your Grace is pleased now to overlook the situation, as it has become increasingly difficult to—ah—I'm sorry to say rumors seem to have circulated—" He cleared his throat again. "It's most vexing; it's monstrous; but a number of the tradespeople have become unduly concerned." Jervaulx suddenly shoved the volume toward Maddy. She leaned forward to look. The master ledger held triple columns of entries. In the abstruse system of management that appeared to govern the duke's affairs, all income from Jervaulx—farm rents, coal revenues, ground rents, interest on loans—all passed through Calvin Elder and the attorney in Monmouth, and then went to a receiver-general in London. A receiver-general who was no longer disbursing payments in return. While the castle bled money on candles, liveries, servants and hair powder, nothing was compensating for it; the place mounted debt as sums beyond imagining flowed into abeyance somewhere in London. Maddy could not conceive of why Calvin Elder had waited, with the situation in such dire straits, for Jervaulx to initiate an interest in financial matters. It was clear that the steward had gotten too old for his office. But his relief was so palpable, his deference so deep, and the duke's acceptance of it so automatic and unaccusing that it was obvious that, in both their minds, the real accountability belonged to Jervaulx. But the duke hardly seemed to care for the household expense. The sums that had dazzled Maddy appeared merely to annoy him; he reviewed them briefly with Calvin Elder, nodding at the information that the steward added to fill out details. No, it was not the stunning total of three thousand pounds of debt on the account of Jervaulx Castle that made the duke's mouth whiten at the corners. It was the packet from Bailey. While Maddy held the master ledger and Calvin Elder pointed out the unpaid charges, Jervaulx kept staring at the packet as if it were a viper on his desk. In a pause, he merely said in Calvin Elder's direction, "More?" "That's all that has come in your absence, Your Grace." "Enough." The duke shook his head and sighed. "You... go now." Calvin Elder bowed and departed, with a look as dejected as Devil's when the dog was shut out of a room. "Open," Jervaulx said to Maddy, nodding toward the leather packet. She untied the packet. A stack of letters slid out, bound up in a red ribbon. She pulled it free and set them before him. Jervaulx read one, slowly. He handed it to Maddy. Hoare's Bank, in a memorandum dated months earlier, gently regretted that circumstances required some communication with regard to funds, and politely requested same. Maddy looked up from that. The duke held a paper engraved with the colorful insignia of the Sun Fire Insurance Office. Without expression, he handed that one to her, too. It was dated much more recently. In an official hand, couched among numerous compliments, effusive apologies, and more oblique references to "circumstances," the directors of Sun Fire were unhappy to communicate that they found themselves obliged to go much out of their usual course and demand immediate repayment of the entire sum of £45,000 lent to the duke. "Forty-five thousand!" Maddy gasped. Jervaulx sat still, his forehead in his hand. He didn't even look up. "Maddy," he said. "I'll write. You... see... are no mistakes." The letter to Hoare's—Christian had finally had to give up and let Maddy copy it out for his signature—had been a straightforward instruction to forward instantly five thousand pounds from monies placed to his petty account. To Sun Insurance and his other creditors, it had been a brisk apology and assurance that the matter was to be taken care of directly. To Bailey, it was dismissal, curt. Too late. Christian sat in his study with the reply from Hoare's. Most awkward, the letter said: certain new rules and regulations, incidental complications, unavoidable delay in complying with Your Grace's recent instructions. Suspicious shades of his mother's work in a prayer for Christian's health and a blessing on his soul from the pious Messrs. Hoare. No money. Not one shilling, from a bank where he knew perfectly well he had a running balance of four times his draft. He stared at the reply until the words seemed to slide together into strange hieroglyphic madness. Christian carried, routinely, an encumbrance of six hundred thousand—and would go as high as seven for short-term bridging. The delicate framework of his enterprise and income, debt and endeavor, improvements and speculation and capital in a complex interplay of his own making—it required intense application... and a rock-solid confidence in him by the men who advanced their money with his. Like interlocking arches, like a beautiful tiered aqueduct that could stand for centuries or fall with a stroke, it all rested on one vital point. The keystone was trust, and it was gone. He ought to have known. He ought to have predicted, but he'd been living in mist that cleared at its own inconstant whim. The structure could never have stood for long without Christian's attention, but the paralysis of his agents, the letter from Stoneham, Bailey's packet full of demands like the one from Sun Fire, the hedging reply from Hoare's, the accelerating speed of destruction: he was going down—they weren't going to wait for a hearing—they were going to kill him while he sat here hiding at Jervaulx. Christian walked through the day in silent panic, carrying the letter from Hoare's, reading it again and again, dream-like, as if it would be different the next time he looked at it. Illusion. Everything around him was an illusion of safety—this castle, that painting, the Aubusson carpets, his servants. He'd known it, but he did not know what to do to defend himself. They could still send him back. They could break him down and send him back. Maddy's protests would be swept away in a moment, his aunt's promises forgotten—all mist and paper. It would take a hearing to strip him of his legal existence, aye, but it needed no more than physical coercion to chain him in the nightmare again. What was to prevent them? What ever stopped anyone from throwing bothersome relatives into some convenient dungeon? He looked around at the walls of his castle. He could lower the gates, seal himself in—man the parapets—arm for a siege... arm for a siege... A suit of armor stared back at him in an empty corridor. He didn't even know where he was. His mazed brain kept hanging on that vision. A siege; he had to defend himself; they would seize him; what was to stop them? Jervaulx Castle had never been taken in siege or battle, not by Lancaster, not by Roundheads. In the Civil Wars, Parliament had not even attempted to attack a garrison known to be too strong to conquer. He gazed at the suit of armor. And the answer came. He had to be too strong. He had to be the duke again, the real duke, not this muddled coward run-hide not-man. Power was his only true protection—the power to meet force with force—name, influence, fortune, control. He had lost it. No money, no authority, no command—they could come here and take him and send him back to that place. Mist. He'd been living in mist, with the mad place waiting for him. Durham exclaimed: "Good God, listen to this. Fane claims there's a story in town that you ain't been sick a'tall—you're just rusticating 'cause you're bankrupt!" With rheumy sorrow, Calvin Elder intoned: "The wine seller regrets that he cannot provide spirits for the tenants' dinner this year, Your Grace." Aunt Vesta stared at the London paper with horror. "Merciful God in Heaven. 'Ruined or Mad: What's Become of His Grace?'" She fumbled for her salts, and took a deep grim breath. "In the papers. God spare us, that I should have lived to see this day." Maddy simply sat in the study with him and wrote his answers to the loan demands. She had quit blinking at each sum that crossed his desk, but she had a new stiffness about her, a chaste sternness that nettled him. I will not act, Bailey had written, blatant insult. So I will, Christian thought. London. Ruined mad idiot, try to save yourself. "Back home again tomorrow," Durham said cheerfully, over a dessert course of mince pies, plum pudding, jellies and cheesecakes. "The road begins to look familiar. Will you enjoy one of these cakes with me, Duchess?" Maddy shook her head. She found it hard to eat when she knew that everything on the board was an unpaid obligation, right down to the cook's salary. Ever since she had learned the immense extent of Jervaulx's debts, she had felt ill inside. His income was grand, but his loans were beyond ordinary imagination. The number at the foot of the totaled list was fearful. Tremendous. Fantastical. It made her, a Quaker bred to devout thrift and prudence, almost afraid of him, of the reckless arrogance that could accrue such a burden with no thought for the outcome. She loved him, lay down with him, bared herself to his carnal touch—and yet she found suddenly that she did not know him at all. She could not sup on such extravagance in the circumstances, not even for one meal. Instead of the cake, she took an apple that she knew had come direct from the home orchard, foregoing the cheese. The duke, far down the shining table, said, "Tomorrow... go I... and Maddy... Belgrave Square." She paused in cutting her fruit. "To London?" Lady de Marly demanded. "And what is the meaning of this mad start?" The duke's wineglass sparkled as he turned it in his fingers. "I... please." His aunt took her fork to her mince pie, mashing it into tiny bits as if it were an enemy. "I wash my hands of you, boy. Leave me. Put yourself in their clutches. You'd do better to take Stoneham's trust and be done with it." Jervaulx did not answer her. He kept his eyes on Maddy. "Tomorrow," he said. "Prepare in... we... depart morning." She put down her knife and fork. "I don't think that will be possible for me." He lifted his eyebrows. "I require it." The dinner table, Maddy felt, was not the place for discussion of the matter. She lifted slices of fruit onto her father's plate at her left hand. "There, Papa—that is a perfect apple. Wouldst thou have cheese with it?" In the duke's bedchamber, Maddy discovered that someone had already been put to work packing. An open trunk in the dressing room held shirts and coats, and her gray silk, pressed and freshened as well as it could be. She took the dress out and returned it to the wardrobe. As she closed the wardrobe door, Jervaulx came in to her. Maddy unbuttoned his waistcoat as she always did, and stepped back. He looked down at her a moment from beneath his black lashes. "Hungry?" he asked, in a mocking tone. "No," she said—not quite a lie yet. "Bread. Water. Apple." He said it bitterly, as if it were an accusation. "I eat what seems good and proper to me to eat," she answered, turning away. He appeared to have no idea of retrenchment, and not the slightest desire to attempt it. She had ventured to mention a number of savings that might be made at the castle alone, suggestions that had been met with impatient dismissal. Certainly a reduction of staff, even a sale of the contents, would not make much impression on the colossal total of his obligations, but he did not even wish to make a start. It alarmed and offended her, this manner of going on in luxury and magnificence, when any right-minded person must know that every feeling and effort ought to be strained toward redeeming such an unconscionable folly. He shrugged out of his coat. He almost laid it over the open lid of the trunk, then stopped. He looked up at her. "Dress?" "I shan't leave here tomorrow," she said. "Papa will not be ready to travel again so soon." "You come... with me. Father later." "Papa cannot—" "Damn Papa!" He tossed the coat and stalked out into the bedchamber. "You... me!" Maddy closed her eyes. She searched for inner calm, denying the hurt. When she had some command over her feelings, she followed him into the bedchamber. He sat at his desk, in shirtsleeves and stockings, gazing at the outside of a folded letter. The lamp lit his face in strong glare and shadow, made his hair and brows black as Satan's. "We go. We are... Duke and Duchess of Jervaulx. We attend... theater. Dance. You have dresses... rich. Even... I think a ball... we hold... entertainment. Spend money. Nothing is... wrong." Maddy listened to him with a sliding heart. "No. Thou ought not. Thou canst not." "Must," he said. "Go to London. Go and see that thy agent pays the arrears—that is right and proper, to pay, and redeem what can be redeemed, and then live circumspectly whilst thou strivest to repair thy fortune." He turned abruptly in the chair, confronting her. "Not... redeem! Repair... not fortune! Repair reputation, do you understand? Confidence! Live... vast. Show 'em... confident." "To what end?" she exclaimed. "When thy affairs are in this terrific state? A proper reduction of thy expense, a sincere effort to diminish thy debt—that is what will inspire their confidence—perhaps even win thee real respect." "No!" He leaned his head back and groaned. "No, no, no! Stupid... worst... to pay off—look like... trouble—silly simple... thee-thou! You don't understand." She turned and marched back into the dressing room. "I understand that thou art full of deceit!" she exclaimed, unhooking her dress with an effort. "I understand that thou wouldst bear false witness in appearances! That thou hast learned nothing from thy travail! And what wilt thou do with this false confidence if thou canst secure it? Run thyself into more debt?" "Yes," he said. Maddy came to the door. She was so full of words that they tumbled together and none came out but the ones that would sting the most. "Thou ought to do as Lady de Marly says, then, and sign a trust, and let better men try to mend thy folly!" His eyes narrowed. With a menacing grace, he rose from the chair and stood facing her. "Not... better man. I am... Jervaulx." His gaze raked her, and she realized with horror that she had not even covered herself. She crossed her arms quickly. He made a sound at that, a harsh breath and a contemptuous smile. Sweeping up the satin dressing robe that lay waiting for him on the bed, he shrugged it on. He took up the decanter and glass. With a bow, lazy and cold, he departed.
"I should not be here," Maddy said, fretting already when they had just arrived, wandering the blue salon in Belgrave Square as the faint pops and crackles of early Guy Fawkes celebrations sounded beyond the shrouding curtain. "I shouldn't have left Papa again." Christian made no answer, continuing to sort painstakingly through the stack of unopened mail that had accumulated at his town house. At the top were demands, most new, some duplicates of the ones he'd got at Jervaulx, then a series of solicitous inquiries after his health, sifting down to normal correspondence and invitations six months old. "Perhaps thou dost not truly need me here?" she asked. "Perhaps, now that thou art settled, I could return?" "No," he said. Her talking to him made him lose his concentration. He had to pause and think to recall whose letter he held in his hand and in which pile he should place it on the sofa table. "Durham can help thee in these matters, surely. Better than I." Christian turned his head, scowling at the letter. Stafford. Stafford, yes—a decorous wish for Jervaulx's speedy recovery, no hint of the £15,000 mortgage the marquess held on the Gloucester property. A gentleman, but he went into the last pile, the ones who could be safely ignored. "I really will be of no use to thee. I cannot dance, nor make idle conversation." "Converse idle—now," Christian said, without looking up. "Durham could write for thee." He tossed down the letter he'd picked up. She made it harder, talking, wanting to go, when it was hard enough already. "You stay." "I ought not to have left my papa." He hit his hand against his chest. "Husband!" "Thou art not reasonable." "Not!" She angered him. What was more reasonable than that he expected her support when he needed it? All these letters and words, all at once—it gave him a headache. She sat down in a chair across from him, her face shadowed beneath the sugar-scoop bonnet she'd taken to wearing again. "Thou ought to listen to me." He glared at the stacks of letters. He knew she was unhappy with him; he knew that he could have come to town with Durham and left her to follow with her father at a pace that the older man could tolerate. But Christian had insisted she accompany him. He'd had a foreboding that was becoming a full-fledged suspicion now—that somehow if he hadn't, her arrival would have been delayed, put off and impeded by nebulous complications that he could not even name. He had sensed her resistance from the moment he'd said London; it had increased with every mile closer to town. "You... listen! Must be... duke. Show... all... all well. Disaster, Maddy! This!" He waved his hand over the letters. "Edge... the edge of a cliff! Fall everything!" "I understand that," she said. "I understand full well that thou hast borrowed beyond all sanity." She kept herself upright, with no emotion in her voice. He heard the disapproval in it, nevertheless, and it infuriated him. "Understand... nothing!" He'd though she would, she who'd been with him and knew what he faced if he lost—but all she did was preach of economy and dismissed footmen, until he saw that she did not comprehend at all. The rules of temporal power seemed impossible for her to grasp. He could not seem to explain it. He could not convey to her the enormity of what tottered, the number of men whose own fortunes stood at risk with his, who would turn on him—if he was not the duke, if he let them see weakness—who would be upon him like wolves on a deer that had stumbled. They were on him already—these polite letters, the growing pressure of the demands. He should pay them, she said. With what? Sell these paintings, she said. Not enough. Sell this house. Not enough—she frustrated him in her obtuse morality. Even if he did sell up, wasn't it obvious that suddenly advertising to the world that everything he owned was on the market must create a crisis? That the value of his property would plummet? Sell Jervaulx Castle, she said—and that was enough and more, but the idea was so alien it was meaningless to him. It was entailed, he'd informed her stiffly, on his heir. And then she had called him a wicked selfish man who had run his own son into debt before any son was ever born. He could not put concepts such as equity and leverage, floating debt and frozen assets into words. Mostly he found that he could not tell her the truth she seemed mercifully blind to—that he would drag her down with him if he failed. She believed that she protected him. His wife, next-of-kin: Durham had put that notion in her head—and pure simple honest Maddy, she trusted to such flimsy things as law and order. "Understand nothing." He took a deep controlling breath. "Maddy—when I came of age... debt... my father... two hundred thousand estate—every shilling encumbered!" He set his teeth together. "Today. Value two million... income... a hundred thousand clear." "And a debt now that must make thy poor father turn in his grave." "Loans, yes!" he said furiously. "Risk! I am... Duke of Jervaulx! They all know. Not a... bloody widow-woman." But he looked at the letters and despaired; he couldn't even read the claims on him at more than a snail's pace. He needed help—and would have cut his throat before he asked her for it now. "You... here," he insisted, reduced to that. "Timms... come later." "I should prefer at least to return so that I might accompany him." "No." She would not come back if he let her go. He felt it in his bones. "It is only for a very short while, until I can bring Papa with me." "No." "I'm sorry that thou wilt not approve, but I must." "No!" He took a step toward her. "I will leave tomorrow." He stood across the room. "I say... command!" He stood over her. High color flamed in her cheeks. She did not look up at him but straight ahead, half hidden by the bonnet. "I am not at thy command." "Yes! Husband vow. You obey... to me." "I made no such vow." Her voice held dead calm defiance. "I am not obliged to conform to thine every whim. Thou dost not remember what I said." Still she didn't look up into his face. "I doubt thou even listened." Christian had a sudden sense of having tread into uneasy ground. "I remember." He set his jaw. "Charge... God... to love. Husband. Wife." "Helpsmeet," she said, "with no rule but love between us." Help me then Maddy! I'm afraid. But he turned away from asking it. Having committed himself to a command, he wasn't going to change it to a plea. The stacks of letters waited, words and words, to vanish and flicker in his head. The vile belittling frustration of it, the slow agony of such an everyday art, with so much riding on it. "I should never have said anything." She spoke again. "I should never have stood before a false priest to wed thee at all." Her tone was remote and brittle. "I cannot join in such misguided conduct. It is vain and profitless, this foolish profane course of thine." A sudden and consuming rage overwhelmed him. He would not bear it; he couldn't sit here while Miss Puritan looked down her nose at his bank balance. He hadn't touched her for a week, not since she'd got so thee-thou self-righteous. He wanted to kiss her until she ached and panted and forgot her bloody spotless sanctimony and became what they both knew she was with him. But he looked at her, only looked at her, and she lifted her chin and stiffened herself. He swept all the mail from the table, tossing it back in the silver basket, heedless of his careful sorting. He left it and walked past his wife. Just beyond her, he paused. He went back to her, yanked at her bonnet strings and stripped the thing from her head. "Go then!" he sneered. "Go!" "So I will!" she exclaimed, snatching at her headpiece. He cast the bonnet into the fire, walked out and slammed the door behind him. If there was anything in the world that he hated, it was pious women. Maddy jumped up from the chair, snatching the bonnet back from the flames, beating it against the marble hearth. "Oh, thou!" she cried, between her teeth. He was profligate, arrogant, impossible; she didn't want to be here; she couldn't do what he demanded of her. Dances, theaters: he'd told her what he planned, and she could not do it, but he wouldn't listen. So much money—she did not know how he could have slept at night. She didn't know him; they were too incongruous—why did he look at her in that way, promising and threatening at once, and then stay all night in a chair in the drawing room? Why was he not a sober, prudent, right-walking man who would be humble, who would accept what God had made of him? But no, he chose to reign in Hell, like Satan in the poem, and told her she must stand beside him, wife and duchess, defying what his world might think. Part of her said that she ought to stay. She well knew that he needed someone by him. He could not fare long alone—the Concern laid upon by her Opening seemed yet to hold. But she ought to go; she felt the mortal danger to herself—her love and her hunger for him that distorted Truth, this ruinous attachment to a worldly and carnal man. She was all a-tangle, torn between escaping and remaining, unable to perceive the Light amid her willful, creaturely passions. If only she could find stillness, be composed in the calm silence of the soul... but she could not. The echo of stridency disordered her, the assertive rush of his presence, gone now, leaving the room emptier than even silence alone could make it. She wanted to go to Meeting. She had not been for weeks. She wished to be still, to listen—but even in that thought was a new and terrible discovery. She was afraid to go now—duchess, wife to a child of the world. She was ashamed to be looked upon by other Friends, having strayed so far out of the Light. The bonnet was beyond saving. She made a little sound of sorrow as she examined the scorched brim. Fiendish man! She would go back to Papa. Durham could come and stay with the duke. A firework popped just outside, making her startle. With a hopeless moan, she tossed the bonnet back into the fire. The flames took it, surging up, swallowing the pristine white in a yellow and red and black conflagration. Vauxhall was cold and damp. Out of season, the minor walks of the pleasure garden were unlit: only the main pavilion was specially opened, illuminated for a concert and pyrotechnics in honor of Guy Fawkes night. Christian stood in shadow, not mingling with the crowd in the grand walk. He wasn't ready to be seen by anyone he knew, though on a wet autumn night such as this, not many in society appeared to have spent their three shillings for admission to view Two Thousand Lamps in Patriotic Colours, Exhibition of Fireworks, Discharge of Cannon and Magnificent Bonfire. Well enough. If he must make himself a fool, he preferred to do it before strangers. He let the flow of people carry him. Near a food pavilion he hung back in the dark, leaning on a tree and considering trying some Gunpowder Toffee. As he felt for coins, a flirtatious hand caught at the fold of his cloak. "Preux chevalier," the lady said, veiled and almost invisible in black. "Pray treat me to a hot cider, dear, and let's have a little coze." It was a cultured voice, low and husky, the familiarity of the approach unmistakably demimonde. Christian looked down at her over his shoulder, not straightening from the tree. The white hand she'd removed from her sable muff still rested on his arm. She tilted her head, nothing but a pale chin beneath the fashionable hat and heavy veil. He had a notion she was smiling under there. He smiled back, ironically, and shook his head. "Ohhh—you don't look for a lady?" She suddenly contrived a rather transparent French accent. "You, a gentleman du meilleur rang? A duke, at least—and you cannot spare a poor girl a little glass of cider?" Christian's muscles contracted with alarm. He looked at her more sharply. She took a step back, lifted her skirts, and did a slow twirl, as if inviting him to examine her. She faced him with a deep curtsy. "Still you do not know, Christian?" she asked, proffering a trim ankle. He turned and started to walk away. He didn't know who, and didn't care; he didn't know what else to do. She hurried alongside. "Christian!" She caught him, tossing back her veil. "For goodness sake! It's me." He stopped. "Eydie." Her name escaped him, one of those words that was there, with no effort—and he wished he had kept on walking. She put her arm through his and leaned on him. As he stood paralyzed, she rubbed her face on his sleeve. "Oh, Christian—Christian! It's so good to see you!" Her voice had a sudden break in it. She clung to him. "What... you... " He couldn't manage more. "Don't scold!" she said. "I just had to come out! I couldn't bear it. I brought my abigail. She's behind us—there, do you see. I know I oughtn't to be out, but another eight months of mourning—pity me, Christian! It's so wonderful to see your face!" She turned and began to walk, holding his arm. "You can't imagine what it's been like. Lesley exiled me! That very morning he discovered; I hadn't one instant to contact you—oh, he was hateful! He frightened me. And Scotland! That horrid gloomy barn of his family's, all the summer and fall. I couldn't even write; I missed you so! They said I must have rest after such a shock—they thought it was Lesley dying of his stupid influenza, but it was you I wanted; it was you I wept for all those dreadful months. No one would say a thing about you—not at the funeral, not after—nothing—all the vicious old biddies, they wanted me to think you had forgotten me! I've just got into town, that's why you couldn't find me—I was locked up like a prisoner, until—" She stopped abruptly, looking down at his arm, fingering the scarlet lining of his cloak. "Christian... you have a little daughter." He stood still. "I told them," she said defiantly. "I had to tell them, or they would never have let me out of that place! I told them she wasn't Lesley's, and you should have marked their faces! They let me go then!" Christian stared down at her. "Fool!" he exclaimed. "You—" "She has your eyes, and hair black as coal. She looks nothing like Lesley. Or me, for that matter." Christian took her by both shoulders and gave her a shove. "Self—selfish... bitch! Told? What of... child?" "I brought her back with me." She cringed away. "Christian, you hurt me!" He let go, not without another push. "Stupid! She... she's his, in the law... wedlock!" He groaned, turning from her. Lesley Sutherland was dead? And Christian had a bastard daughter, labeled and doomed in another man's family. He felt dazed, unable to command his muscles, like moving in deep cold water. "Please don't be so angry!" She stroked his sleeve with small petting movements. "Please! You—Christian—she is yours and mine. I thought... " Her voice trailed off, and she kneaded and pinched at his coat wordlessly. It suddenly struck him what she'd thought. His heart began to pound. God. Of course. "Eydie," he said. "Eydie." She leaned against him like a child, her cheek to his chest. "Christian. I love you so." "I'm... " He had to make an great effort. "Married." She looked up. Her face was rounder now, with wide, half-wild eyes, a shocked question. He nodded in answer. She pushed back to arms' length, growing white. "That's not true!" "Yes." Even that word was a battle. "No! No. You're lying. I haven't seen the papers for months, but I would have heard. I would have heard that!" He looked at her steadily. "When! Tell me when!" He didn't even try; speech was beyond him. "It is not true!" She pushed him. "You thought of this when Lesley died! You could have come then, but—oh! You blackguard! This is a lie to put me off!" He shook his head. "It is! Look at you. Who is she?" He breathed faster, trying to gather words. "Look at you—you can't even think of a name! It is a lie!" He shook his head again. She took hold of his cloak by both sides. "Christian—you can't be so cruel. You love me. I love you." "Married," he said. "I gave you everything! I never denied you anything! Christian—they have put me out, me and the child! As well as put me out! My odious jointure; I'm living on a pittance! I love you, Christian!" "Think," he said, disengaging himself. "Let... think." "Oh yes." She seemed to hear the desperation in her own voice. She straightened, gazing at him. "Yes, I—I'm sorry. I've... it's only that I've missed you so. And you know—" She began to stroke his sleeve again. "Your family was always in favor—your sister Clementia—even your terrible old aunt." She made a teary half-laugh and leaned against him. "Oh! Why did I ever marry Lesley?" Christian knew exactly why—it was because he'd never offered for her himself and within the scope of polite conduct had made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't, even when they'd dangled and pushed her on him, as they'd always dangled and pushed the best-bred reigning belle on him every Season. "Go home." Christian took her by the elbow and faced her back toward her maid. "I'll... think." She clung to him, then suddenly reached up on tiptoe and pressed a passionate kiss against his mouth. "No," he said, setting her away, knowing where she wanted that to lead. He took her bodily to the servant, dropping a half-crown in the maid's hand. "Home... now." "Yes, sir." The abigail took her mistress by the arm, familiar with Christian's generosity. "When will you call?" Eydie demanded. He stood looking at her. Then he turned and walked away into the darkest part of the garden. Christian sat down on a bench well out of the light. A chilly drizzle weighed his cloak down on his shoulders. Think, he'd said, but the shock was still on him. A daughter. It seemed that his whole life was upside down and under threat. He had money, but he could not control it. He had a duchess who thought she shouldn't have married him and an ex-mistress who thought she should. He had a daughter, and she carried another man's name. He had no doubt the child was his. Sutherland had been out of the country; Christian had been amorous and careless, bedding a willing woman at whim and convenience—God, had that man been himself? So reckless. Not unheeding of consequences, no—not quite that—just cavalier certain that he could deal with any of them. Now here he was in the ugly midst of one, and he was helpless. If things had gone as he'd expected when he'd first realized Eydie's condition, she would have slept with her husband and lied, Christian would have kept his distance, and the paternity of the child would have gone unquestioned. Even if Sutherland had suspected, it wasn't the most unusual of situations. People might guess; they might even be certain; but it would be tactless in the extreme to throw doubt publicly on the parentage of a child born to a legal union. Damn Eydie. She shouldn't have declared it to Sutherland's family. If she'd just kept quiet, they'd have accepted the baby as her husband's, probably treasured it under the circumstances. Now—it didn't bode well that they'd sent both mother and child away from the family seat. Eydie was no maternal angel—she already had two sons who never left Scotland—she hadn't even mentioned seeing them while she was there. Likely as not, as soon as she realized Christian wasn't going to marry her, the baby would be packed off to Scotland to be raised as a pariah. And there wasn't a damned thing Christian could do about it. He couldn't recognize the child as his—that would be criminal cruelty. She'd be a pariah in truth then, socially as well as privately. He couldn't even contribute secretly to her welfare—at least not now, when he couldn't even convince his bank to honor a draft. And if they got him, if they sent him back... powerless... the mad place. He rested his face down in his hands. The fireworks began, cracks and booms and cheers at a distance. A cold drop fell from his hat brim onto the back of his neck, but he sat without moving. He actually said a prayer. It was short and to the point. Help me. I can't do this alone anymore. Amen. Maddy sat in a chair in the marbled entry hall. She had intended to wait only until he returned, and then go. But she was still dressed to travel, still squeezing her hands together, still listening to the mob and confusion that had reigned all night outside. It was after three in the morning. Please, she prayed. Please Lord let him be safe. Please Lord let him find his way. Please Lord if it is thy will let him come home. Durham was gone out looking in the places he thought Jervaulx might go. They had no servants but two footmen brought from Jervaulx Castle, and Maddy had sent them both out to look, too. She would have gone herself, but Durham had insisted that she stay off the streets—and she had no idea where to search anyway, amid the crowds where squibs and bonfires and flaming Guy Fawkes effigies lit the night. The noise and fireworks slowly died down, the roar receding to distant pops and shouts. The streets emptied, and still he did not come. Maddy tensed at every sound of a carriage, but none stopped. She bent over her lap and kept praying. When the front lock fell with a loud click, her head snapped up. He came in softly. As he lifted his eyes, she saw that he had not expected anyone to be there. "Thou art all right?" she asked. Her voice came out wrong, a little squeaky. "Maddygirl," he said. His cloak and hat glistened with mist. He was beautiful, tall and dark, his blue eyes with that faint perplexity as if he could not quite understand what she was doing there. She stood up. "Thou wilt be hungry. I have a plate warm downstairs. I can bring it up to thee, or if thou dost not mind, thou couldst eat it in the kitchen." He hesitated, and then laid his hat on the hall table. He dropped his cloak there, too. It slid to the floor. Maddy went and picked it up, shaking out the damp folds. He touched her as she rose, his fingers closing on her arm. "Maddygirl," he said quietly. She bit her lip. She had worried so long and hard that it was difficult to hold back tears, foolish as they were. A very small hiccupping sob escaped her. He took her in his arms and pressed her hard against him. "I'm sorry!" she mumbled. "I could not leave thee. I could not." His arms tightened. "I was so afraid!" she said into the damp lapel of his coat. He enfolded her, his cheek against her hair. "Don't... deserve thee. Maddy. Ask God... I... but I don't... deserve thee."
He let her go back for her father. He insisted. He did not tell her what it cost him, the dread that he had to conquer, left alone within easy reach of his enemies. He kissed her hard and then held on to her shoulders too long. She looked up at him with a fresh concern, and he found the measure of his courage in the effort it took to form a cocky smile so that she would not stay. He sent her with both footmen in the private carriage they'd brought from Jervaulx. It left Christian in Belgrave Square, in a closed house utterly empty except for himself—an odd sensation, not unpleasant in itself, with food in the kitchen that Maddy had seen to, cold meats and bread, and chocolate over a fire of his own making. Durham had offered to stay, bringing his valet, but Christian was determined to test his limits. If he could not manage a week of looking after himself, in his own familiar house, then he hadn't much hope of reassuming his greater affairs. After she left, he kept a coal fire going in the back parlor, sipping chocolate and listening to early activity in the mews beyond the garden wall. No one came to his door: he'd not notified his family—not yet, not until he had thought it through. And now there was Eydie—another complication. Amazingly, she'd made no comment on his affliction. Except to accuse him of lying to her, she hadn't even appeared to notice any peculiarity in his speech. Talked too much, he thought dryly. So she loved him, did she? He disliked it when women said that to him. Didn't believe it, either—a lesson he'd learned at seventeen, the hard way. He remembered Maddy, sitting white-faced and sober in the cold marble hall, waiting for him in the hours before dawn. He would not let her down. He didn't want to make mistakes; he was slow and methodical on that account, but he had put together a plan. He dressed to go out, getting it all right but the neckcloth, making an impossible disarray trying to tie a cravat. He had to settle instead for a black stock that he could buckle by feel and slide around to the back. In the mirror, he looked almost whole. If he focused, he could find all of himself, not all at once, quite, but part by part—right hand, right arm, only a little peculiar, not precisely the way he thought he ought to look. He opened and shut his palm in the white glove: the glove in the mirror opened and closed concurrently. Behind him in the mirror was his desk. Set to one side, under a few papers, was a neat closed wooden box: a writing machine that the engineer Marc Brunel had given him for making simultaneous copies while transcribing letters and drawings. Christian had not used it often. It was a clever feat of mechanics—he admired it for that, and kept it available, but his own handwriting was so illegible that there was little use in reproducing it when he had a secretary to copy out for him far more admirably. But he had no secretary now. And hideous as his writing had become, he had to attempt it. The machine would save him double the labor, at any rate. He sat down and opened the instrument. It required a little setting up; he remembered how to do that—such a lovely small device, perfectly engineered. Brunel and his son were magnificent. Christian had used their floating docks and tunneling shield, and held a considerable interest in their Rotherhithe tunnel under the Thames—a hell-born high flyer of a scheme that looked to lose thousands for Christian before it began to turn around, if ever—the kind of project that he'd tried and failed to explain to Maddy, that his brothers-in-law hated, that drove his debt and income balance, that could not be allowed to collapse for lack of fresh capital—yes, borrowed, in all likelihood—nor just paid off by letting go a few footmen. With a renewed determination, he slid papers into place beneath the double pens. He made some circles and scribbles to test the instrument, then wrote God Bless the King. He read it. God Bless the King. All there and correct. He looked up at the second pen's copy. In letters pushed to one side of the full page, it said God Bles O King. At first he thought it was a malfunction in the machine, but when he looked back down at what he had written, he swore softly to himself. His original was the same: if he looked with care he could see the identical shape and squeezed proportion to the letters, even though it still seemed correct if he only glanced at it. He leaned over the instrument and wrote it again, this time keeping his eyes on the other pen instead of the one he held. Guy Fa—he caught himself beginning to write a u instead of a w, and drew the letter correctly. Cautiously, painfully, he went on, stopping himself in the midst of misspellings and even completely anomalous words—Guy Fawkes Time instead of Night. It was rather terrifying, as if some phantom guided his hand, while he could only compare what it produced with his real intentions by watching what the copying pen wrote. But it seemed to work, if he could trust what he read on the copy, correcting errors before they happened or at least able to recognize them when they did. He spent five hours at it. When he was done, he had two sheets, identical, both with margins centered evenly when he examined them upside down. Gentlemen, they read, this is to inform you that I have made a settlement upon my wife, Archimedea Timms Langland, Duchess of Jervaulx, effective immediately, of the entire sum of my disposable estate and possessions, to be held by her and hers forever, with no sympathy or consent for any other claims by any other person upon it. This settlement shall go forward unless I should be shown satisfactory proof that no question, now or in the future, shall be made concerning my competence or ability to conduct my affairs according to my sole and unhampered judgment. Given proof of such, acceptable to me, I might possibly be disposed to revise the above arrangement. Christian, Duke of Jervaulx He thought that was what it said, anyway. He hoped it was good enough. It had to be. Make them worry, make them stop and think and wonder if he was quite so helpless as he seemed to be. The clerk in Torbyn's office had never seen Christian. While he wasn't especially lofty about going into the City, normally his business came to him, rather than the other way round, and arrived with scrapings and hustlings of no minor order. This pup merely looked up at Christian from his copying and said, "Good morning. Have you an appointment, sir?" Christian took off his hat and cloak and tossed them on the desk, right across the poor devil's papers where condensed mist dripped off the capes onto the fresh copy. As the youngster sputtered, Christian flipped his card onto the pile and walked past. He went up the stairs. An instant later the clerk made a sharp exclamation and came pounding behind. He caught up with Christian at the landing, bowing and panting apologies. Then the youth went up the second flight half-backwards, still trying to bow, missed the third step, sprawled and picked himself up and bowed again. Christian really felt rather sorry for him. He saved his true satisfaction for the look on Torbyn's face, and it was no disappointment. "The Duke of Jervaulx," the clerk announced, opening the door. "His Grace!" he added belatedly, bright red. Christian paused in the doorway, playing it to the hilt. The land agent who acted as his receiver-general was caught in the midst of dictation—his chair slung back on two legs, his hands locked across his waistcoat, white-haired and pugnacious, a bulldog barking his directions to the manager of some far-off estate. He did not close his mouth. For a prolonged moment, Torbyn, clerks and Christian held a motionless tableau. Christian moved first, to keep his advantage. He'd been practicing a single three-word sentence, repeating it over and over all the way to Blackfriars. "Make... outlays," he commanded. He didn't succeed with all three words, but Torbyn's expression changed from shock to comprehension. He rose from his chair. "Pray sit down, Your Grace." Christian didn't move. "Now. The checks." "Bring the duke's box. This is the number." Torbyn pulled a scrap of paper toward him and scribbled quickly. He handed it to one of the clerks. The boy slipped out behind Christian. "You understand, Your Grace, that my hands have been tied without a power of attorney." Christian had never allowed payments to be made out of this office without his own signature—an old cautious habit learned from his father's mistakes. Legally, Torbyn had not had the power to disburse funds, though Christian didn't doubt that the agent was an old bird wise enough to have reckoned a way to hold things together if he'd had the disposition to try. "I'm delighted to see you recovered," Torbyn said, when Christian remained silent. "Mr. Manning had given me cause to be greatly concerned." Outside, some porter whistled sharply. Christian walked to the window, looking down into the traffic. "No concern," he said. From just below, the boy who must have answered the whistle took off running across the street, stuffing a message into his coat as he went. A moment after, the clerk's feet sounded on the stairs. The youth entered the office and set a large blue box on Torbyn's desk, a carton that usually came to Belgrave Square once a month for this little ritual of check-signing. The agent opened it and began removing books. "I'm afraid you've caught us flat. We'll have to write out the checks. It will take a little while. Would Your Grace care to step into the parlor with me for a cup of coffee in the meantime?" "No." Christian didn't want to spend any longer in conversation than he had to do. Damn! He had not thought of this—the checks and counterfoils had always been prepared before, ready for his signature. "Very well." Torbyn set a chair. "If you would be pleased to sit here... " "No," Christian said. "I... must go." He felt his command of his tongue slipping. "I... other... business." "If Your Grace will honor us with a few minutes of your time." "Later." Christian began to move toward the door. "Not long! Really, not long at all. I'll put both boys on it. Just a quarter hour." Something in Torbyn's anxiety penetrated Christian's awareness; he thought of the whistle and the messenger boy. He stopped. "Damn you!" he snarled. He swung back to Torbyn. "Sent for them!" "Now—just a moment—Your Grace, indeed—I think you ought to consider—" As Christian pitched books into the box, the agent tried to prevent him. Christian froze with Torbyn's hand on his wrist. He raised his eyes. "Do you dare?" he asked, deadly quiet. Torbyn let go. Christian cast the book in. He had not meant to move so soon, before he was ready, but he pulled the statement he'd written from his coat pocket and laid it on Torbyn's desk. "Convey to... Mr. Manning." He covered the blue box and picked it up, escaping, striding steadily, holding himself back from breaking into a run. He was committed now. He could not flinch. He walked into Jervaulx House without notice, gambling that Torbyn's messenger had gone to one of his brothers-in-law and not here. It was his mother's at-home day. Well enough: guests would keep her a little in hand. Her butler met him, coming down the stairs. "Calvin," Christian demanded. The man turned utterly white. Christian reached out and grabbed his arm before he could retreat. "Tell... where!" "With Her Grace, but—" Christian paid him no more attention, taking the steps two at a time. He rounded the upper banister and strode into the drawing room. Ladies sat in conversation, stiff as if they still had backboards strapped to them, their hats all feathered and flowered. He walked toward his mother. She was talking; it was the silence that he carried with him across the room that caught her notice. As her companion fell mute along with the others, she looked up at him and swooned. It was a real one, too. Ladies gave little shrieks; Christian caught her as she slumped forward in her chair. He held her back from falling out of it, looking over her at Calvin, who had been gathering cups on a tray at the back of the room. The faint lasted only an instant. As soon as she drooped, she began to move weakly. Between him and Calvin, they helped her upright. She clutched at Christian's arm, blinking up at him feebly. "I'm... Belgrave Square," he said. He pulled free, and while his mother made incoherent whispers of entreaty, gave Calvin a long look. "Come?" "Certainly, Your Grace." He was still supporting the dowager duchess. "I will be there directly." "I... need staff," Christian said. "I'll see to it, Your Grace." Christian gave his mother a deep bow, nodded politely at the shocked circle of feminine faces, and got himself out of there. They arrived at Belgrave Square too soon: Manning, Stoneham, Tilgate and Perceval, with an attorney and Torbyn along for good measure. Their force of six made Christian taut with alarm, but he had a remedy for that, loaded and primed in his pocket, to even the odds. Calvin had not come yet. Christian saw them from the window of the blue salon. Alone, he waited there, listening to them pound on the door. His lips drew back in contempt as he heard them force it and start to search. Spurious hospitality was not within his ability, nor his mood. It was Manning who came to the salon, with Stoneham close behind. Christian merely stood watching them, lifting his eyebrows in a show of disinterested amusement at their expressions when they found him there. Stoneham went squealing for the rest. Christian did nothing as they came in and Manning closed the door. He left the first move to them. It was somewhat anticlimactic. Stoneham, foppish and nervous, kept fiddling at his excessive sideburns. "You gave your poor mother a sad start!" Christian leaned against the mantel. "Poor mother," he said dryly. A silence fell. "Are you alone here?" Manning demanded. "Where is the woman?" "Duchess... do you mean?" Manning stalked to a chair, a large and florid man with a look of the squire and the hunt about him. "You don't mind if we sit?" Christian let his mouth curl a little. "Can I stop?" Manning waved the others down. The attorney, a Mr. Bacon, laid a rolled sheaf of papers on the sofa table. "Mr. Torbyn says that you took the checks and estate books," Manning said. "I don't think that was wise, Jervaulx." Christian remained standing, his arms folded. "We're asking you to return them." Christian allowed his bitter smile to grow. "Bastard." Manning took a breath. He leaned forward in his chair. "We're trying to do what's best for you." Christian let that hang in the air. "Damn it, we're trying to save what can be saved! But you and your aunt make it bloody difficult." He sat back. "This 'settlement' you claim you've made—you don't really think a court in this country would uphold it?" Christian inclined his head. "You... find out." "You must face it, Jervaulx. Everything you do now, everything since—since your wit failed—is in question. Including this mockery of a marriage. Do you understand that? I don't think you do. You seem—your aunt spoke of lucidity—but lucid intervals will not suffice to administer the estate in a proper manner. When the hearing goes forward as it ought to have done a month since, the testimony will cover the whole period." "If." Christian smiled. "If." Manning's voice rose. "No if! The hearing goes forward!" "But, Manning—" Stoneham reached out a hand. "Perhaps—if I might speak," the attorney said in a conciliatory tone. "I've brought Mr. Perceval's and Lord Stoneham's proposal for a private trust, Your Grace. I would be pleased to do myself the honor of reviewing it with you." Christian held out his hand. The attorney jumped up and untied the set of papers, giving them over to him. "The first page is only preliminaries and courtesies," Mr. Bacon said. "So if—" Christian pulled off the first page and dropped it into the fire. "That is—" The man looked nonplussed. "If you will turn your attention to the second, you will—" Christian fed the second page to the fire. He held up the third, smiling a question at the attorney. "For God's sake, he's an imbecile!" Manning stood up. "You can't expect rational understanding." He moved as if to snatch the remaining papers away. Christian dropped the whole bundle into the grate. It curled and blackened, and with a puff exploded into yellow flame. "No... trust," he said. "This is futile," Manning snapped. He reached for Christian. "Stoneham! Hold him!" It was what Christian feared, half expected, and yet when it came it seemed unreal. Manning made a wild grab; Christian jerked back and drew the pistol. Stoneham, who'd made no more than a timid advance, stopped in his tracks. Torbyn had been more aggressive: he was frozen a close foot away, with the attorney sheltering behind him. Christian meant to order them out, but his blood was pounding in his ears. He could not command a word. They wanted him; they would take him if they could do it. He felt how close it was—how he would wake up in the jacket, with the Ape and the garrote and madness. "Careful," Torbyn said. "Careful, Mr. Manning." Manning slowly dropped his hand. "He's gone mad," Stoneham whispered. Christian gave an enraged laugh. "Bumble... amateurs!" The Ape would have had him, twice over. He felt sickness and fury in his throat. "Lay it down," Manning said, with a little move of his head. "Lay it down on the mantel, Jervaulx. It will only make things worse." "Get out," Christian said. "We're here to help," Manning answered, with a coaxing reason that put him in more mortal danger than he knew. "Out," Christian growled. "Put down the gun," Manning urged. Christian saw that his brother-in-law was going to force it—Manning either had no idea of what a real madman could do, or was counting on quite enough lucidity for Christian to see the obvious: that he couldn't commit murder in his own salon and get off as a reasonable man. "Put it down," Manning said. "You aren't going to shoot anyone." Christian knew he should have waited. He should have had Durham. He shouldn't have let them corner him alone. His brother-in-law had reason on his side of a bluff. Christian had the madhouse, had losing his money and Maddy and his mind in that place. He'd rather hang. He leveled the gun, an unrifled, short-barreled wickedness that didn't need much aim to take down the nearest man and more. As his lips drew back, Manning seemed to comprehend. He suddenly lost all his color. "Don't." It wasn't Manning. It was Maddy's voice, clear and high, a shock like a reveille trumpet in the frozen silence. She stood in the doorway, stern plain propriety and sense in her gray gown, with Calvin and three footmen ranged behind her. Christian exhaled a long, soundless breath of deliverance. He smiled slowly at his brothers-in-law. Maddy stood back and lifted her hand. "Ye men will leave now. The duke wishes ye promptly gone from the premises."
He sat in a chair, unloading the pistol, working with slow care, his head turned to see it better, heedful of the percussion cap. When he had it safe, he laid them both aside and slanted a look at her. "You should be... at... Papa." "The further away we got, the more I thought—thou needed me more." She lowered her lashes. "I am thy protection. I ought not to have left thee." He allowed her to think it. He didn't say that he'd have chosen the pistol, Calvin and three sturdy footmen over her for protection any day. He wished that she had not even been there at such an unpredictable moment. It had come down to what he'd known it would: the balance of force against force. "They wished to take thee?" "Manning... jumps. Stoneham, Perceval... not so sure. You... Calvin... change their minds." He smiled dryly, and gave her that. "Glad you came." "Yes. I won't leave thee again." She looked shaky in the aftermath. "They will remember it. It was not wisely done of thee, Jervaulx—the gun." He shrugged. "Defense." "Peaceful conduct is thy best defense." Her voice was audibly quavering in belated reaction now. "Easy... say!" He stood up and lifted her hands out to her sides. "Great hulking brute... as you. Look! Scare... little children. Dogs tails down... you walk past. Ground shakes. Easy to be... peaceful... you!" She swallowed, compressing her lips, humor gaining ground against her nerves. "Thou art buffle-headed." He was glad to see her. He was so glad to see her. "Aye. My head is... buffled." He brought her hands together and kissed the backs of her fingers. "Rest... in working order." Her hands closed, but he held them. Her mouth was barely, shyly smiling; her straight sweep of lashes made a veil of gold over green. He pulled her a little toward him, hungry with relief and the release of tension, with her unexpected presence. He was still free and alive, and he kissed her, sucked her lips as if he could have the breath from her and held her hard against him. Without words he lifted her. Doors and hall, her mouth, her body in his arms—his bed. He spent no time on polite preliminaries: he took her with rough vigor, reclaiming what was his, while she twined her hands around him and pulled him down with an urgency that seemed the same. In the morning, Maddy was put to work over breakfast writing out a pointedly polite suggestion to a partner of Hoare's Bank that he present himself without delay in the duke's drawing room—an objective she was pleased to pursue, since in the meantime they were living off the two hundred eighty-seven pounds left from Jervaulx's buckles, a sum which no longer seemed huge to her but appallingly inadequate to the duke's expense. As soon as she completed that wording to Jervaulx's satisfaction, she had to write a notice to be inserted in the newspapers that the Duke of Jervaulx no longer chose to honor Mr. Torbyn, land-agent, with the exercise of his business affairs. All queries and interests should hitherto be directed to Belgrave Square, and no expense or commission undertaken save by the duke's personal authority. She was then allowed a respite while the duke went upstairs to be shaved and dressed. In the back parlor, a comfortable room fitted out in daisy yellow, overlooking a barren garden court and the wall of the mews, she indulged in a second cup of tea. She started a letter to her father, knowing that after Jervaulx returned she would likely have little more time for it. She was in the midst of the second page when Calvin slipped into the parlor with a silver tray balanced on his hand, closing the door behind him. Maddy looked up reluctantly. The butler bowed. "The duke is not with you, Your Grace?" She felt that neither she nor London Calvin quite knew what to do about one another: as something of old antagonists who had found themselves standing firmly together last night, they seemed now in an odd suspension of hostilities that might turn into peace or war at a feather touch. Maddy sincerely preferred peace, so when he addressed her solemnly as "Your Grace," she almost didn't object. It was becoming a true cross, this worldly title, which was what made her certain that she ought to bear the consequences of denying it. "I wish to be called 'Mistress,' Calvin," she said, in her most amiable manner. "If thou wilt remember, I cannot give nor accept any such compliments as the other." She fully expected him to stiffen and look down his long nose—just like Calvin Elder's. It was provocation enough, she knew, to set them at odds for good and all. But instead, the dignified set of his jaw seemed to temper a fraction. "I remember, Mistress," he said. He surprised her with this easy capitulation. "Thou art not offended by it?" "It would be impertinent of me to be offended by anything you expect, Mistress." Maddy lowered her chin, dubious. He made a bow. "After begrudging a proper address to His Grace, if you now set yourself up as worthier of it than he—in that case I should have been offended. However, since you are no more than consistent, I must instead appreciate the reliability of your conduct." She chewed the end of her quill. "Dost thou like to wear hair powder?" She startled him with that, she could see. He lowered the tray. "I had not thought as to whether I liked it or not. I suppose... it makes the hair unpleasantly stiff, after the paste is applied. And it has to be washed out every evening, which must sometimes lead to colds." "Well, if thou dost not like to wear it, thou needst not. Jervaulx does not care, and I think it a silly waste of money." Calvin bowed. Maddy hid a smile. "Thou ought not to bow to me, either," she said. He half-bowed, and caught himself. "As you say, Mistress." He straightened. "The duke, I apprehend, has gone upstairs?" "Yes. Is there something I can do instead?" "You need not bestir yourself, Mistress. Merely an early visitor for His Grace." "Oh dear." Her heart dropped. "The dowager duchess?" "Certainly not. I should never ask her to wait in the hall!" He lifted the tray a little. "I might mention," he added, in a confidential manner, "that I've not known the duke to encourage his mother to call in this house. He goes to her." "I see." This lack of filial hospitality seemed undutiful, but perhaps not entirely unjustified. Maddy bit her lip. "I suppose—I think perhaps—Jervaulx wishes me to speak to these people." She stood up. "Perhaps I ought to make his visitor welcome, if thou wouldst see him in here to me, until the duke comes down." Calvin cleared his throat. "You would do well to ask His Grace's desire in this instance, Mistress. May I go and inquire for you?" "In this instance?" "In this instance, yes." He shut his mouth up tight, with the look of a man who had spoken all that he was going to say. "Oh. I hope—thou dost not think it rude to keep the caller waiting?" "I will inform the duke, Mistress." He made another bow, caught himself in the midst of it again, and closed the door. She was left perplexed, not knowing if Calvin had some objection to this particular visitor or if he feared that Maddy would disgrace herself and the house on her first trial. She wondered that Calvin had not put this person in the breakfast alcove where Maddy had always waited. It seemed a deliberate indignity to leave him standing in the hall. That, and Calvin's strange attitude, made Maddy tend toward the conclusion that it was the caller who was more questionable than herself. Just as she was tentatively settling on that, the door cracked. "Christian," said a playful feminine voice. "It's Eydie." The door swung farther open. "Come, I know you're here—" The caller stopped on the threshold, dressed in elaborate mourning black, her veil thrown back to reveal a delicate face and striking yellow hair in ringlets down her cheeks. For an instant this Eydie seemed startled, taking in Maddy from head to toe. Then disinterest came into her face. "Ah," she said. "I wish to see your master." "The duke is upstairs." Maddy kept her voice steady, determined not to make a complete botch of this first encounter with his society. "I'm Archimedea Timms—that is... I am his wife." She extended her hand in greeting. The woman had been looking in her reticule; at the same time Maddy offered her hand, the caller lifted hers. "You will take this—" The lady looked up, arrested in the act of handing Maddy a note with a half-crown prominently displayed under her glove. "What did you say?" "I am Archimedea." Maddy tried to make her lips form a smile, without much success. "The duke's wife. It is a surprising thing, I know." Eydie seemed to think it more than surprising. She seemed to think it hilarious. She turned back her head and burst into a high-pitched, nervous laugh. "This is a joke," she said. "No," Maddy said. The note and coin slid to the floor. "He's paid you; he's paid you to sit here until I came, and say that to me. It is a joke." "No. I fear—it isn't a joke." Eydie shook her head. "Yes. Yes, yes, yes. It's a joke." Calvin appeared in the doorway. He was rigid as stone, utterly without expression. "His Grace is not at home, madam," he said to the visitor. Eydie gazed at him. "He is not at home," Calvin repeated firmly. She began giggling in the most dreadful way, falling into a chair as if some skittish puppet-master had dropped her. "It is a joke!" She lay back in the chair and kept giggling in that strange manner, growing more agitated. "It is a cruel trick." "Mrs. Sutherland, I must see you out directly," Calvin said. "It is cruel!" she screamed, throwing back her head. She flung herself from the chair and ran past him to the hall. "Christian!" Her voice and footsteps echoed in the marble stairwell. "Christian, it is cruel! Do you hear me? It is cruel!" Maddy hastened out after Calvin, in time to see Eydie rush halfway up the curving flight of stairs. "Do you hear me?" she shrieked, holding her skirts high as she ran upward. "It is a lie! You are not married!" Amid the reverberating shrillness of her voice, Jervaulx strode out to the top of the stair. He was in boots and shirtsleeves; he caught the wrought-iron and gilt balustrade and held there, his fingers white with the strength of his grip. "Christian!" She stopped below him. "It is not true." Jervaulx didn't move. He stood looking at her, with stillness setting into every line. She hung against the inclined rail, curling her hands around it, leaning her head down on her outstretched arms and looking up at him like a puppy crawling forward to beg affection. "Please don't tease me this way. Please tell me." "True," he said, in a low voice that filled the hall with hushed sound. Eydie let herself collapse onto the steps, breaking into the same hysterical giggles. "But I gave you everything. Ch-Christian!" Her laughing sobs echoed against marble. Maddy realized that Jervaulx's valet was standing in the upper hall behind him; all three footmen were in the lower hall and the chambermaid and cook had come to the door of the back stairs: everyone paralyzed and staring. Maddy picked up her skirt and mounted the stairs. She heard Jervaulx make a wordless sound, but she went to the weeping lady and knelt on the stairs beside her. "Come," she said. She took Eydie's black-gloved hand and drew her up off the cold stone. "Come, thou must not make thyself ill." Eydie was limp, breathing in gasps. Maddy sat on a step, slipping her arm behind the wretched lady, pulling Eydie against her shoulder, rocking her. "I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened this way. I'm sorry." The other woman was crying in earnest now, frenzied tears and great gulps of air, like a child in a tantrum. Maddy met Calvin's eye and moved her head, asking him to clear the hall. He looked as if he had just witnessed a terrible accident, moving in a stilted, shocked way to obey her. "I—hate—him," Eydie mumbled. "I—hate—him. I hate you!" Maddy let her talk, holding her, staring at her own knees before her and the rich lace on Eydie's black gown. The other woman's hat brim pressed painfully into Maddy's neck. Eydie whimpered, a long, aching sound of grief. "It should have been me. It should have been... me." "I know," Maddy said quietly. She looked at Eydie's bright yellow curls dangling down and remembered the lock in the watch-case by Jervaulx's bed. "I'm sure it should have been thee." "What?" Eydie's body convulsed with a scornful sob. "Don't you want him... now that you... now that you—" She moaned again, pulling away and hunching over her lap, holding her arms tight around herself. "Don't you—want him now?" she said between tears and a bitter laugh. "I meant—that we are not much like," Maddy said. "Like!" The lady's shoulders shook. She put her face down in her lap and cried. Maddy stroked her shoulder, feeling the deep huffing sobs under the exquisite satin. Eydie dug in her reticule for a handkerchief and held it to her mouth. "You're one of those Quaker people," she said through the linen. "Yes, I was brought up a Friend." She rocked herself. "I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I hate you, Christian." She raised her voice to a scream. "I hate you, do you hear me?" No answer came. Maddy didn't look to see if he was still there. Eydie began to weep again, more quietly now, her handkerchief pressed to her face. She shrugged Maddy's hand off her shoulders. "How did you manage it?" she asked suddenly. Maddy sat on the stair, gripping her fingers together around her knees. "Manage?" "How did you trap him into it? And don't tell me silly lies," Eydie cried. "His sister is my friend. She will tell me everything true." She suddenly gathered up her skirt and started down the stairs, as if that thought had impelled her from grief into action. At the foot, she stopped, then cast a quick glance backward, above Maddy. An instant later she had pulled her veil over her face and vanished into the vestibule. The front door slammed, echoing around the hall. Maddy sat on the steps. She had to think of each breath, holding back the shudder that started in her stomach and tried to work its way outward to all her limbs. When she thought she had it under control, she rose. She turned, but she already knew that he was not there: she had seen it in Eydie's face. Calvin came quietly into the hall from the back stairs. "It's my blame, Mistress," he said. "I ought not to have let her in the door." "Calvin," she said in a treble voice that almost went out of her command. "I need to have my cloak." "Mistress—" "I must go outside. I have to go outside." "The garden is—" "No." She started for the front door. "Away from here." "A moment, Mistress. His Grace will wish to know." She opened the door. Cold damp air poured in—it felt good on her hot cheeks. She did not wait for Calvin or her cloak, but quietly closed the door, went down the pristine white steps and began to walk toward home. Christian heard the front door slam beneath his dressing room. He didn't move, nor look down on the street to see Eydie leave. He stood alone in the center of the room, the sound of her shrieking voice still in his ears. He stood there for a long time. The bizarre unreality of it, to stand watching while his wife went to comfort his weeping mistress. And vile piece of work that he was, he'd thought: she doesn't realize. If she did or if she didn't, her simple compassion cut him open—exposed him to himself for what he was: he'd been furious at Eydie's brass in coming here, enraged into frozen passion at the scene she made, ready to throw her into the street—and Maddy, oh, Maddy, she made him feel it, how he'd wounded. I didn't mean it to come to this: nauseating whine of every thoughtless devil after the fact. I didn't mean it; I wouldn't have done it if I'd known, if I could have foreseen, if I'd just considered, if, if, if... Calvin's light scratch at the door made him turn. He flung it open. The butler looked like a man facing execution. "Your Grace—" he began. Christian cut off the groveling before it could start. Too disgusting, to rake down a servant for what was at heart nothing but the devil's luck and the devil's own folly that had induced it. "Where?" he demanded. "Mrs. Sutherland?" the butler asked. "Hang Sutherland! Duchess is... where?" "Your Grace—she has gone out. A few minutes ago." As Christian made an exclamation and headed through the door, he added quickly, "Your Grace—I thought it best—she seemed determined to proceed. I sent a man after her with a cloak, and orders to attend her at a distance and send word if she doesn't return directly." Christian halted. "Yes. All right." Let her calm herself. Give her time. Give her time and room. "Yes. You did... well." The butler cleared his throat and said reluctantly, "Mr. Hoare has arrived to see you, Your Grace. I have put him in the library." Damn—so soon! Christian wasn't prepared—he'd intended to have Maddy with him, primed to help him if he needed it. Hoare was the lynchpin; if Christian failed here, he was dead. He pushed a breath through his teeth and picked up his coat. He had no choice. The wheel was turning. He'd set it to rolling and had to ride it now. Christian entered the double-storied library from its book gallery, where he could overlook the room below. Pausing amid the familiar smell of leather bindings, he swore silently as he looked down upon the men sitting like a pair of misplaced undertakers on a couch still slipcovered in red summer stripes. His summons had been answered by the one partner Christian had the least desire to deal with. Of these two promising scions of the Hoare family, the elder was agreeable enough, but his younger cousin was Religious—not a trait which recommended him to Christian, nor the other way round. Hoare's had been bankers to the Dukes of Jervaulx for a century. Christian hadn't changed that, though he'd often thought of it when the partners had tilted at him with polite vigor over his schemes—reckless or visionary, depending on whose side held the floor. But Hoare's had stood with the family through his father's decades of real debt, so Christian had kept on with them, impatient though they made him. He wished now that he'd been a little less loyal. He thought of the letter they'd written in reply to his last draft. Pray for his health, would they? Self-righteous bastards. He'd give them something to pray about. With a loud, rude step, he went down the stairs and swung to face them from the foot. "Gentlemen," he said, without greeting. "Explain." They both rose, with murmured good mornings. The religious Mr. Hoare walked forward as if to shake hands. Christian didn't move. The man stopped, losing momentum before he got three feet. "I... wait," Christian said. "Explain." "If you refer to the delay in—" "Delay!" Christian cut into the banker's dignified words. He did not dare allow a rational dialogue to develop. "I am... my feelings... so violent—" He flung himself away from the staircase. "Can hardly... speak, sir!" He didn't want to play up inarticulate fury too far or he would encourage doubts about his sanity. So he stopped at his desk and sat down. This, at least, he'd had time to prepare—another draft already written out and placed beneath a blank sheet, the whole concealed from their view by a convenient stack of books. He picked up a pen and wrote across the blank sheet—God knew how it turned out, but he didn't stop to check—and slipped the one Maddy had examined for errors from beneath. He stood up and held it out. "Try again." The bankers had looked uncomfortable from the start. The elder of the Hoares stepped forward to accept the draft, but his partner said, "I'm afraid there may still be a delay." "Why?" "We have instituted certain new regulations." Christian leaned on his desk. "My money... " he said menacingly. "You have... lost it?" "Certainly not!" The elder spoke up. "To be perfectly candid, Your Grace," the younger Mr. Hoare said stiffly, "your family has given us grounds for concern as to... " He found himself swimming in deep water and spread his legs, taking a firmer stance. "As to the propriety of allowing funds to be removed from your account at present." "Ah." Christian smiled. "No regulation." His lip curled. "Just plain... thief." "Now see here! We are merely exercising due care, as anyone of sense would expect us to do in this uncertain situation." Christian sat back in his chair, picking up a copy of The Times. He held it up in one hand and looked at it consideringly. "'Bank robbery. Hoare's steal... deposit.'" He tilted his head in approval. "Clever headline." They stood like men facing an armed highwayman themselves. Christian lowered the paper and smiled apologetically. The elder Mr. Hoare folded the draft and put it into his pocket. "Of course that won't be necessary," he said, in a quieter tone than his cousin had yet used. "We had understood that Your Grace was not well, and that communication alleged to be from yourself might not be perfectly legitimate. We wished to exercise due prudence. For myself, I hope it hasn't caused Your Grace offense. If so, we must apologize profoundly—must we not, Cousin Hoare?" His younger relation begrudged it. His tone still held a grain of defiance. "Of course, we'll be keeping strict account, should there be any inquiry from the Lord Chancellor's office." "By all means," Christian said. "The money... when?" "I'll have a courier here before noon," the elder said. Christian pulled the bell for Calvin. He let them stand there until the butler came, stewing in his unforgiving silence. They went out with stiff wishes for his continued health that he answered with no more than a curt nod. When they were gone, Christian collapsed heavily into his chair. His hands were not quite steady. Victory. All on his own, victory. He wanted to grin and weep at once. He wanted to share it, this charge of elation. He wanted Maddy beside him. The watermen's calls were all that was tangible about the river—the calls, and the slow current at the bank that fanned the water weeds, a silver surface that vanished into mist a few yards out. The fog had clung to Chelsea all day, swallowing the row of houses behind her and muffling the sound of traffic. Maddy leaned on a rail by the river, huddled in her cloak. The footman from Belgrave Square was still with her, a patient silhouette standing under an awning across the street, just at the edge of the mist. The light had begun to fail. She knew she would have to do something soon. She could not stay here forever. A waterman ran his punt up onto the bank, secured it, and dragged out a basket. She watched him hike his pants and make a nimble leap to a set of wooden steps. He climbed up. "Live eels, ma'am?" he asked cheerfully. Maddy shook her head. He walked past, holding his burden up for the view of a carriage that Maddy heard coming along the street behind her. "Live eels, then!" he called. "Live-o!" The steady beat of the horses' hooves advanced slowly. Maddy turned to look as the coachman curbed his team in a jingle of harness. The waterman raised his eels hopefully toward the shining black chariot. It had a bright, familiar crest on the door. She saw her shadowy footman come forward to it from the mist. The door opened. Jervaulx stepped down, his cape spreading to show a flash of scarlet. He stood looking toward Maddy. "Five and a half, Your Lordship," the waterman said, asking an outrageous price. "Alive-o. Look here." He started to open his basket. Jervaulx glanced at him, then toward the footman with brief nod. The servant forestalled the ecstatic waterman from displaying his wares to the duke, drawing the eel catcher away toward the rear of the carriage. Jervaulx walked toward Maddy. He stood in front of her. "Enough," he said quietly. "Come... home." Home, she thought. But this was home, this village and river, these trees, these boats; she knew them all, could have found them in the mist, with her eyes closed. She had lived here all her life. He looked away from her, toward the river. Then he made a sweep of his hand, dismissing the carriage. "Walk?" He offered her his arm. In silence, she turned, resting her fingers lightly on his sleeve. He was warm beneath her cold hands. He put his glove over her fingers, covering them against the misty air. He always made so it easy to walk with him. Without awkwardness, with a feeling of fitting naturally to her step. They walked until Maddy could no longer hear the soft snorts and intermittent hoof thumps of the waiting horses. "Wast thou engaged to marry her?" she asked. The muscle in his arm tightened a little beneath her hands, the only sign of change in him. "No." "She said—that it ought to have been her." He didn't answer. "Beside thy bed, thou hadst a lock of her hair." He was gazing at the pavement ahead, a hard, silent set to his mouth. He didn't deny it, nor repent it. "And dost thou love her, then?" she asked at last. He stopped, taking both her hands in his. "No, Maddy. No." She drew away, hugging herself, facing the river. "If that is true—and thou received her token—verily, thou art a wicked man." "Yes," he said, on the harsh note of some emotion she couldn't identify. She watched a white cat, a pale indistinct shape that prowled among the beached punts. The water lapped softly below, blurring into the dusk. "Come," he said. "Dark." She didn't move. The cat placed a paw upon the prow of a boat, then made a quick silent leap inside and vanished under the seat. "Thou art a stranger to me," she said painfully. "I do not truly know thee or what thou art." Jervaulx spoke in the hush. "I am... ashamed, Maddy. To... the deepest... pit of my soul. All I can... say. Can't go back. Can't... change it." The white cat emerged in the stern of the punt. It mounted a coil of rope, lay down and curled up there. She felt Jervaulx, unmoving, behind her. "Come home," he said. "Maddy." Wretched Eydie—to have given a lock of her hair to a rake. To fall in love with him, and end in hopeless weeping on his staircase. It was like a cautionary tale in a sermon-book. Maddy could draw the proper moral from it. "I'm afraid," she whispered. "I'm afraid of what thou wilt do to my soul and my heart." "Your heart... is precious to me," he said quietly. She bent her head. She turned around without looking at him and took his arm.
"Like... the opera?" he asked, holding her hand as she came down from the carriage in Belgrave Square. "I've never seen it." "Tonight," he said. "You wear... blue." Calvin met them at the door. He took Maddy's cloak, started to bow and stopped himself. "I've seen to it that there's a good fire for you, Mistress. I'll have a tray of tea sent up. Do you like strawberry jam and clotted cream? I've just brought up marmalade from the pantry, too, if you're partial, or I can see about—" He cut himself off suddenly, as if realizing how anxious he sounded, and gave Maddy a stiff nod. "I wish to apologize again, Mistress, for my negligence." "There is no blame to thee," Maddy said. The butler looked as if that were little comfort to him, but he said no more. As she went upstairs, all the servants were quick to jump to their tasks, and the chambermaid, whom Maddy had barely seen, shyly said that she had put a hot brick in the bed, in case Mistress wanted to rest a while before supper. Maddy lay down gratefully, still chilled through by the mist. It was the duke's chamber, but he had stayed below: she had the sinful luxury of it alone, except for the faint scent of him all around her. When she opened her eyes, it was after dark. In the light of a shielded candle Jervaulx sat by the bed, watching her. He was elegantly dressed, turned out in midnight blue and white by his valet in a way Maddy had never been able to manage. "The opera." She pushed up, with a little spurt of apprehension. The theater, and dances, and fine clothing, all the things of his world—the time had come to face them. "Supper—" He nodded toward a large tray, already set with a table and chair by the fire. "Then dress." He laid a box on the counterpane beside her. He stood up and walked to the door, paused with his hand on the knob, and nodded toward the box. "For your hair," he said, and left her. Maddy sat up and opened the box. It was a string of pearls, like her mother's, only larger and more luminous in the candlelight, with a diamond strung between each pearl. She pressed her lips together. A vain, frivolous, expensive thing—sparkling, pretty. She tried to be on guard, to barricade herself against him, but he sought out her weakness unerringly. Not the gift, no. Not the lavishness of it, not even the unexpected beauty of the jewels. For her hair, he said. He remembered that, and stole through her defenses simply. They arrived late. Christian had calculated it. The Haymarket was brilliant but lonely for the space of the performance, gaslight gleaming on the rows of waiting carriages, on harness and coach lamps. After the money from Hoare's had arrived, it had taken less than half an hour to have a job team and livery put to his town carriage. The world was open to him again. He'd begun spreading coin around like a wealthy Cit, a hard cash liberality calculated to impress the most dubious creditor. Not paying off too many of his existing tickets—just making new purchases with sterling, to give them something to think about. He'd sent Calvin to Rundell and Bridge for the pearls, dispatched a footman to spend two hundred pounds at the silversmith's, had the cook make lavish purchases from Harrod's and the wineseller, and, through Calvin, made some special arrangements with a nurseryman—all paid in advance. Maddy had worn the pearls. He hadn't been at all sure that she would do it. He didn't know how to treat her, how to penetrate the mist of reserve that still cloaked her. Sweet words and expensive presents—they were all he could think of, and he knew what she'd likely label them: falsehood and immorality. More time would have been better, but he had no time. He needed Maddy, tonight, beside him. The light from the theater's Corinthian portico flooded down on her as she descended to the walk, making her simple toilette rich with color: the blue dress and her ale-gold hair, the subtle luster of pearl against a sparkle of diamond. She was arresting, he thought, though no one could describe her as conventionally beautiful. She had a chaste and spartan aspect rather than pink blowsy charm. Not Aphrodite, but prudent Athena—of the sage owl, and the golden bridle that tamed Pegasus. The nearly empty vestibule, the dim corridors, even the growing sound of music did not prepare Maddy for the burst of light and color that struck the eye as she entered the duke's box. With her ears full of song, she could only gaze at the sweeping tiers of boxes in red and gold, rising up to the roof, full of people leaning aside to their companions or forward over the rail, looking down on the stage and the massed audience on the floor of the theater. And the stage—Maddy took one look and quickly averted her eyes. The people dancing across the boards were not dressed! She heard a rumble growing from the spectators, a new note of disturbance amid the music and the audience hum. The people on the floor two tiers below were turning, looking up; the occupants of the opposite boxes were staring and directing spyglasses—all at the place where she and Jervaulx sat alone. She dropped her eyes to her lap, unable to look anywhere: not at the indecency onstage, not at the audience. "Chin... up," Jervaulx said, without turning to her. She raised her chin. "Thank you," he said. "Watch the... perform. The stage." "I—they are—oh dear," she said, obeying him in that too, appalled by the girls in pink tights, their ankles and calves in full view, their legs showing clearly through diaphanous skirts. "This is dreadful." "Watch," he said. It was not without a certain lurid fascination. The unclad figures alternately leapt and cavorted about the stage, and stopped, poised, to sing at the top of their lungs. Maddy knew little more of music than a few Christmas carols and street songs she'd heard, but she understood from reading the papers that the opera was an elevated branch of art. Certainly it was loud—and not many of the spectators seemed concerned about talking over it. Indeed, she heard voices through the curtain enclosing the back of their box, where Jervaulx had left a footman who held his line firmly in a not-very-discreet controversy over whether he ought to allow the petitioners outside to enter. Jervaulx never moved a muscle, though he must have heard it clearly, too. Maddy could not help herself; she could not watch the deportment onstage and began to look at the audience below. There she had another shock, coming to the slow realization that unaccompanied men were strolling and sitting down with women they didn't appear to know—holding their hands, even putting their arms around them. One scarlet officer's coat caught her eye as he stood up. "There is Colonel Fane," she said. As she spoke, the colonel turned and looked directly at their box. He smiled and bowed, drawing the attention of everyone on the benches around him. Jervaulx gave a nod back, the only sign of recognition he'd made to anyone. The officer left his seat and began to make his way up the aisle. A few moments later, the duke rose and held back the curtain himself. Colonel Fane walked into their box. "Ma'am!" He grinned and bowed to Maddy, lifting her hand. "It's a pleasure to see you again; in such looks, too! And Shev—deuce take you, why didn't you tell me you was back in town?" "Haven't... long," Jervaulx said. "May I call on you, ma'am?" Fane asked, sitting down beside Maddy and leaning toward her. "Thou wouldst be welcome to call." He shook his head, smiling. "I vow, I dote on that way you talk." He looked over her head at Jervaulx. "I'm going to become her cicisbeo, I warn you." The duke lifted his brows. "My siso—? What is it?" she asked. Colonel Fane stood up, lifting her hand for a kiss. "Why, your lover, ma'am. And now I must go, before my poor heart is in shreds—or your husband calls me out. Farewell, my stern Helen. I die for you." Before Maddy could quite digest this extraordinary speech, he was gone. She lowered her face, aware of people all over the theater staring at them. She stole a look from the corner of her eye at Jervaulx. He gazed at her somberly. Then he smiled, an intimate look that cut down her heart without mercy. "I... must shoot him?" She took a deep breath and lifted her head. "Thou needst not be concerned," she said quietly. "I do not trifle with love, Jervaulx." His face went still. Maddy looked away from him, watching the cavorting actresses as they rushed here and there about the stage, warbling like delirious larks. Holding out his hand, he stood. "Long enough. Let us go." As a bachelor, Christian had not been much troubled with formal calls on himself. More usually, he paid them, doing the civil in return for dinners and parties, nursing his interests, business or otherwise, flirting or paying his respects as required. But this morning the cards piled up on the silver tray in the hall. A stream of carriages stopped, one after another, for a few moments outside the house in Belgrave Square, and then continued on, their occupants turned away from the door. Every hour, Calvin delivered a new batch of cards to the library. Maddy, sitting across from Christian at his desk, read the name on each card aloud. Then, according to his nod, she dropped it into one of two matching jade bowls appropriated from the ornamental console tables for the purpose. Between influxes of cards, she took dictation of checks and letters while he worked over the ledgers. And every half hour, Calvin came again, with a new bouquet of flowers for her. It had begun before breakfast, this steady delivery of Christian's tulips, daffodils, sweet-smelling hyacinths, carnations and picotees, auriculas—some cut, some in Dutch pots, some in baskets, each one a little larger than the last, until the library was a garden and the flowers overflowed into the salon next door. To his consternation, Maddy appeared utterly unimpressed. She had accepted the floral presentations without a word all day, quietly directing Calvin to set them aside. But when two footmen and the nursery boys, heralded by the exquisite scent of southern climes, dollied in a pair of huge tubs planted with orange trees in full bloom, she finally put her hands over her mouth and closed her eyes. "What art thou about?" she cried through her fingers. "There is a message, Mistress." Calvin produced a note. "The nurseryman will call at your convenience, and inquire as to what plants you will wish to have set in the back garden, and in the orangery to be built for you there." She made a little moan behind her hands and rolled her eyes toward Christian. He wasn't quite certain if this were success or disaster. As the servants quit the room, he went to one of the trees and plucked a blossom. She was watching him over her hands, impossible to fathom. He took a deep, sensual breath of the flower, rotated it in his fingers, and strolled to her. He paused, as if considering what to do with it, and then stuck it behind his own ear. "Pretty?" He put his hand to his head, turning it to show his ear better. She giggled, a woeful sound, as if it were choked out of her and she could not help it. Poor simple-hearted Maddygirl, to laugh at that. Poor buffle-headed Christian, to be reduced to it. His experience was broad, but he found it wasn't deep enough to make him adept at soothing the aggravated sensibilities of a Puritan lady. "I know what thou art doing," she said. "Primp... myself pretty." "Thou art pouring the butter-boat over me. Giving me jewels and flowers." He shook the blossom from his ear and let it drop into his hand. "Is it working?" Her cheeks pinkened. She dropped her eyes. "Working to do what?" "Turn up... sweet." "To what end?" He shrugged. "So... don't have to sleep... in the dressing room." She looked around at the flowers that covered every table and cabinet. "This expense... only for that?" With the blossom caught between his middle fingers, he caressed it lightly over the back of her hand. "Only?" She blushed vividly. "It is thy house. I never said thou shouldst sleep here or there or anywhere. It isn't my place to say." "Your place to say... you want me there." He slowly circled the petals over her skin. "With you." "Oh." Her breathing had become agitated. "Is it?" "You say. You tell me... you want me." She watched the flower. "I don't know," she said miserably. "Don't know, Maddygirl?" he asked softly. "Oh, why art thou so—so carnal?" She snatched her hand away. "I ought not!" Christian felt an immediate rise of his spirits. Here was something perfectly familiar—a lady who ought not but very likely would. On that note, he made a strategic withdrawal. He could be patient. "Very well," he said with dignity, and left her, walking round his desk to sit down before the ledgers again. He bent over the books. After a few moments of silence, he looked up. "One other. Another thing... too. In a month, we will have... a ball for five hundred." He pushed the jade bowl with the largest number of cards in it toward her. "Invitations... to these." He didn't come that night, as he had not the night before. Maddy was left alone in his bedchamber to contemplate a ball for five hundred people, and what he said it was her place to tell him. She wanted to be angry at him for these outrageous new extravagances. The flowers, the jewels—they were sly worldly tricks. He had admitted it outright, guileless, with an orange blossom behind his ear—Is this working?—stealing from her the immunity of virtuous indignation. She felt herself slipping, sliding into his net. In the morning, they worked together again in the flower-filled library to unravel his affairs. He labored with a concentration that clearly wearied him; by noon his speech had deteriorated, and he slammed the books closed impatiently. "Perhaps thou ought to rest," she said, when he had been trying to give her the amount of a payment and had to recalculate it three times. "It is difficult for thee." "Not... difficult!" He threw himself back in his chair. "Simple. But it... it is... slips... it goes away. As if... try to work and... listen to... talk. Can't... both." He leaned his head back and put his hands over his eyes. "I'm not... stupid." "I didn't say thou art stupid," Maddy murmured. He sighed heavily, dropping his hands, still staring at the ceiling. "I feel... stupid." He groaned. "Bloody damned idiot." She sat looking down at her lap desk. She fiddled with the corner of the paper, rolling it up, and then unrolling it. "Christian," she said, watching her fingers. "Wouldst thou please come tonight?" For a moment he didn't do anything. Then he steepled his hands and lifted his head from the back of the chair, resting his chin on the tips of his fingers, gazing at her. "Why wait?" He smiled. "I'm here... now." Maddy's eyes widened. She looked at the paper, and back up at him uncertainly. "Thou art giddy." He laughed, low and soft. Maddy thought it prudent to set the lap desk aside. She stood up, tucking papers into neat piles. When he rose, she almost dropped an inkpot, fumbling. He caught it from her fingers and set it safely down. "Giddy?" he asked with amusement. "I believe Calvin has a luncheon prepared—" "Later." "It is time for eating, Jervaulx. It is daylight. I did not say to thee—" She lost the tail of her sentence as he came behind her and brushed his lips across the nape of her neck. "Want me, Maddygirl?" he murmured. She shuddered with the exquisite hot tickle. "It is daylight!" she exclaimed, her voice high and faint. He gave that rich, soft laugh again, his breath warm against her skin. "Didn't ask... time of day." He traced his finger down the line of her throat to the buttons at the back of her neck. Maddy felt the first one pop open. "Calvin!" she said desperately. "He'll be coming in!" He unbuttoned another button, placing a kiss on her exposed nape. "Thou art weary!" She seemed rooted to the spot, feeling the electric caress flow down her body to melt in heat and carnal places—the tips of her breasts, and lower, lower. "Thou shouldst... thou ought to... rest." "No answer yet," he said, loosening all the buttons and the ribbons of her corset, finding the opening in her camisole. "Want me, Maddy?" "Thou art—" A scratch on the door made her give a small helpless whimper of panic. "Yes?" Jervaulx said toward the door. He held her still with his hands on both shoulders, pressing her dress together with his thumbs. Calvin stood in the entry. "Luncheon, Your Grace." "Serve here," Jervaulx said, expressionless. He dropped one of his hands, running his finger up and down the open slit in her dress, bright erotic sensation against her spine. Maddy flushed, staring at Calvin, unable to move or speak. The butler merely bowed. "Directly, Your Grace," he said, and withdrew. "There," she said, trying to shrug her dress up from where Jervaulx was drawing it down off her shoulders. "Now showest sense! He will be back—in a few moments—no! No, thou must not—not here!" Her bodice fell loose. He held her against him, kissing the curve of her shoulder through her thin cotton camisole. His hand explored upward beneath her open corset, skimming over the cotton. His palm grazed her nipple through the fabric: a sweet shot of delight. She sucked in her breath. "Want?" he murmured close to her ear. "They'll come," she moaned. "They'll come, they'll come." His arms tightened. "Want me?" Noise at the closed door brought her to panic. She began to push at him, but he held her harder. He drew her back into the deep narrow space between a bookcase and a cabinet, half-hidden. Then he let her go, leaving her standing in brazen undress. As the door opened, he moved in front of her and pulled a book down from the shelf. He stood perusing it, his back to the room, obscuring the servants from her view. She heard the rattle of trays and dishes, saw around him the flash of white stockings as a footman passed the place where she hid in broad daylight. She feared that she must certainly be visible, though she herself could see nothing past Jervaulx's broad shoulders. He turned a page. "Here," he said, as if he'd just discovered some passage he'd been searching for. He looked up at her with laughter brimming in his eyes. "Hamlet. 'Lady, shall I lie in your lap?'" Maddy squeezed back against the wall, pressing her lips together, frowning at him with frantic severity. His look changed to exaggerated innocence. "'I mean, my head upon your lap?'" "Don't!" she whispered furiously. He grinned at her. "Right here... in the play. I only... read it." She heard the door open and close. For a long moment Jervaulx stood watching her, holding her trapped by modesty and by himself, solid barrier to escape. Maddy listened for any sound, and then mouthed Are they gone? He turned his head, looking over his shoulder, first one way, and then the other, theatrically. He looked back at her. "Don't know. Better stay... here." She gave him a push. The book slid down; he held it out behind him and let it fall with a flutter and thump as he leaned forward to kiss her mouth. He caught her body in his hands, his thumbs passing provocatively over her breasts, caressing the tips, back and forth. The feel of it drew a liquid arching, a breath and a pressing flex of all her muscles toward him. "Want me?" he whispered, licentious, the Devil at her ear in full daylight: a man's firm elegant hands on her body, blue eyes and long dusky beautiful eyelashes. She whirled, her back to him, pressing her fiery cheek to the smooth cool leather of the library wall. He stroked the naked skin of her back, pushing her undergarments aside. He ran his hands over her torso, up beneath her arms: creating delight and embarrassed agony as she could not stop the shivering of pleasure. "It is day," she moaned, hiding her face, pressing it to the leather-covered wall. "Thou shouldst not." He ceased his touch on her bared torso. But he didn't move back; he moved closer, holding her against the wall. She could feel the crushed lace of his shirt against her skin. His scent mingled with the smell of leather. He began to draw her skirt up in his hands. "Oh, no," she cried, muffled. "No, no—it is indecent! Christian!" He closed his teeth on her shoulder, his pressure against her more urgent, his body pinning hers to the wall. She tried to thrust back from it and only brought herself closer to him. He kissed her all along the curve of her throat and shoulder, kissed and nipped and sucked at her skin, pulling her hands down and back away from the wall until they fluttered helplessly without purchase. Her skirt was caught up between them; she felt shamelessly exposed, her legs and stockings uncovered to her garters. But he didn't stop there. He pulled her petticoat and dress higher, cupping her hips and her buttocks with his bare hands. He made a rough, ardent sound near her ear. He bit her, hurt her, kneading her body in his palms, but it was sweet pain and sinful ecstasy. She felt him release his own buttons; his hard male part pushed and pressed, and she began to pant in desperate guilty excitement. Like stone melting, her body slackened, her legs allowed him between. The sound of his breath was caustic, an animal engine, brushing heat across her nakedness. He pressed her hips, a rash hard grip of his fingers, making her close her legs on his shaft. He forced his hands between her body and the wall, dragging her skirt up in front. He caught her wrists. "Touch me." He brought her fingers to the place between her legs, to hot moistness and his smooth head. "Yes," he groaned, moving suddenly, demandingly against her. "Yes—yes—Maddy." With their hands entwined, jammed to the wall, he slid his fingers against her private place, massaged and teased and pressed deep in rhythm with the thrust of his body against her. His man's part moved between her legs, an unimaginable pleasure, a sensation that flowed to her breasts, made the nipples full and tender, like flame pushed against the cool leather. Wet hot dew spread over her fingers and his: she molded her hand to the head of his arousal, taking deep and lurid satisfaction in the sound she drew from him. "Want me?" His voice was grinding, insistent, taut with extremity. "Maddy... inside you." She bit her lip, her face turned aside to the wall. "I want thee," she said, on a sob. "I want thee." And he showed her how, then. How to bend and submit for him, in bondage to him, in daylight, sinking together on their knees to the floor, with him deep inside her, over her and around her, his hands holding her breasts, his mouth against the nape of her neck—lost in him and in his coupling with her. She cried out with violent joy at the height, her voice mingling with his masculine groan: the two of them no more, and no less, than every wild creature that God had made of clay to walk the earth. He bought her a carriage. Two carriages, one with a team of four white-stockinged chestnuts and one with a pair of cream-colored ponies—for the park, he said, as if she were ever going to go driving there in it. Maddy told him that she did not want such things. She insisted that he put a stop to his ill-advised purchases and gifts. He bought her an antique marquetry cabinet from a selection that the dealer fetched to Belgrave Square, and began to redecorate the back parlor, a perfectly smart and comfortable room that had hardly seen a year's use, transforming it into an outlandishly expensive boudoir full of gilt and red satin. Maddy berated him for wastefulness. He purchased her a small magnificent Rembrandt by private treaty, the complement of the one in his bedroom at Jervaulx Castle, a study of a serious youth who looked as if he might be the brother of that mischievous girl. Maddy read afterward in the newspaper that the duke's offer had been so generous, it had forestalled the painting's scheduled auction at Christie's, sending the cognoscenti into paroxysms of jealousy. She lived in misery and delight in the small world of the duke's house. They were never at home to callers, nor went out except at dusk, conveyed by a carriage to some secluded country lane beyond the city, where Jervaulx stretched his long legs into a walk that had her striding to keep up. Around a corner, or beside a shaggy hedge, with the dim autumn sunset casting shadows across mats of fallen, frosty leaves, he would stop and kiss her—and sometimes more than that. He touched her often; he looked up across the library desk with a smile that knew too much of her. She felt utterly owned by him. The gifts were nothing; it was her own hunger that enslaved her—she wanted to be touched; she wanted him to take her, in any way, any place and time, with no care for modesty or decent conduct. She wanted simply to look at him. Every dispute over his spending was doubly painful, because he wouldn't even quarrel now. He either went away, driving out alone, leaving her bereft amid the splendor, or he seduced her. Like Eydie, she was lost to him—only worse—worse in her need, in how deeply she had surrendered herself; she would do anything he guided her to do and take pleasure in it. She was terrified of him—this power that he held, and still she gave it to him, heart-glad and wretched. She was defenseless. She thought of Eydie on the stairs. His coaxing skillful caresses, his worldly sophistication; she thought that there must have been others and would be others again, locks of hair and painted miniatures and pain. She ought to go. Leave this place. Anyone could do such work as she performed for him, a clerk, a secretary; she ought to get away, go to her father and save herself while she had yet enough shame left to understand what was becoming of her. But she was responsible still—just this morning she'd had a letter from Lady de Marly. Maddy had read it, and then burned it, to hide it from Jervaulx, so that he would not see what his aunt had written. His mother wanted him confined again immediately. The power of this iniquitous jade who claimed to be his wife must be broken. So far, Lady de Marly's barrister had persuaded the dowager duchess to delay an unwilling detention, avoiding a fuss that was likely to become mortifyingly public, perhaps even scandalous—attempting to confine a man not yet certainly judged incompetent. But as a result, pressure for a hearing had grown to intense proportions. The attorney was having serious difficulty preventing a date being set. The family were beside themselves at the duke's rate of expenditure and his dismissal of the land-agent who'd handled his affairs for years. Maddy, Lady de Marly made no bones to tell her, was considered the sole source and spring of this bleeding discharge of money, painted in the halls and offices of Chancery in the lurid shades of an avaricious, opportunistic harpy who had complete control of the mindless wreckage of the Duke of Jervaulx. This picture was such a reverse from the real truth that it had choked an awful laugh from her. But it came as no surprise. She wasn't at all sure herself that Jervaulx had competent control of his affairs—there was no saying what his situation must appear to an outside party. Certainly she might reasonably be supposed the guilty party. She thought it one more cause to leave him, but Lady de Marly ordered—begged, actually begged—Maddy to do all in her power to make him reduce his expenses to a reasonable level, specifying a figure that would have seemed to Maddy monstrous a month ago, but appeared quite modest now. She despaired of being able to do it. Jervaulx was not even paying the arrears of his loans—though he dictated polite letters in response to all, he'd settled only the most desperately threatening claims. With all of his labor over the figures, Maddy did not see where he was making any progress—she'd begun lately to suspect that he was instead hoarding money, neglecting payments so that he had an even greater income than before. They had argued about it again just this morning—or at least Maddy had argued; Jervaulx had merely scowled at her until he lost his patience and came around the desk and began to kiss her. Fortunately, Durham arrived, putting a stop to that more effectively than Maddy ever could herself. She was not asked to accompany Jervaulx and his friend on this first round of selected calls they planned to make, a society custom which intimidated her extremely. Durham, who didn't seem to have a glimmer of her feelings, apologized to her for being left home. "You'll be out and about at such stuff before you know it," he predicted optimistically. "As soon as this ball gets you popped off official." "Oh," Maddy said. She glanced at Jervaulx. "It is for that?" He swept a bow. "Introduce my duchess." "Bowl 'em over," Durham said. "Only way to do it. Take your fences head on. Nerve and pluck will carry it. Not the height of the Season, but with nothing else going forward, you'll have 'em here bag and baggage. Hunting's been so slack, even your Melton men may forgo the chase a day or two for this." "Sacrifice!" Jervaulx said dryly. "Shev don't like to fox-hunt," Durham confided to Maddy. "Not modern enough. He prefers shooting, as more scientific." The duke seemed to find that a sour thought. "No more," he said. "Couldn't hit... broad barn now." "It'll pass," Durham said insistently. "See how you're improving." Jervaulx didn't answer that, but stood at the door, a grim statue, waiting for his friend to shake hands with Maddy. As they went out, he was saying, "We don't stay... only five minutes. Damned short, Durham. Understand? So I don't... talk." Calvin appeared a few moments after they had departed. "I'm to help you with the invitations, Mistress, so as to get them out by tomorrow. The stationer has sent materials." He laid a packet on the desk and produced a small pair of scissors to clip the string. Maddy sighed. Clearly, whatever his creaturely talents, patience was not one of the duke's virtues. It seemed hours later, and her hand and back were aching from transcribing the letters of the morning and the invitations of the afternoon when a footman scratched on the door. "The nurseryman, Mr. Butterfield, and his gardener Mr. Hill," he announced. In spite of the flowers that still filled the library, delivered fresh every day, Maddy had completely forgot the appointment Jervaulx had made for her with the nurseryman. But Calvin had risen, and the footman was already showing the two men into the room. The second wore a Quaker's hat and plain coat. "Thou misspoke my name," he said, turning from the footman to Maddy. "It is Richard Gill."
Maddy felt a great wave of humiliation. She sat rooted to her chair, covered with it, breathless as if she stood upon a platform and heard her offenses cried in the public streets. Mr. Butterfield bowed low, and gave a cheerful smile as he bounced his portly figure upright. "It is an honor to serve you, Your Grace. I hope the flowers and plants have been satisfactory?" She nodded. Like a creaky pull-toy, she stood up and held out her hand to Richard. "Friend," she said. "Archimedea," he answered, just touching her hand and dropping his away, while the nurseryman looked on in surprise. "We're already acquainted," Maddy said to him. "I'm—" She did not say that she was a Friend. She couldn't, not now. She had no right. "I have met Richard Gill before." Mr. Butterfield was all smiles again. "How fortuitous. Gill has been with me just a short while, but perhaps you know he has come directly from Mr. Loudon, Your Grace?" "No," Maddy said mechanically. "I didn't know that." "Ah. But you're familiar with Mr. Loudon's work?" "Mr. Loudon—" She found a kernel of intelligence to cling to. "The Suburban Gardener?" "Indeed, Your Grace. The premier horticulturist of our day—The Suburban Gardener and Villa Companion, An Encyclopedia of Gardening, the Gardener's Magazine—a fit successor to Brown and Repton, I assure you. And Gill here comes with Mr. Loudon's highest recommendation as designer and florist. He is an expert in botanical science, and can aid us in planning an arboretum and garden in the most forward style. Beautiful to the eye, educational to the mind, and most importantly, uplifting to the spirit. I hope he will be acceptable to you?" Richard merely looked at her, his clear-eyed gaze steady, killing in its lack of accusation. Maddy could barely meet it for an instant. "Yes. Acceptable. I'm sure Richard is acceptable." As soon as she said it, she thought of Jervaulx, who would likely not think it acceptable at all. But she could not say that, nor find the words to turn off smiling Butterfield and the whole opulent project. The nurseryman was clearly elated over his commission. "Well, then—" Butterfield turned to Richard and took a notebook and sketchpad from him. "Shall we take a look at what we have?" The space between the house and stables was no larger than her garden in Chelsea had been, paved and bleak and new. Between walls that had no softening cover of trailers or trees, nothing provided ornament but a single wrought-iron bench. Butterfield made a judicious moue of his lips. "There's a service basement beneath the pavement?" "Yes." Maddy was familiar with the kitchen and cellars from her first day alone with Jervaulx, and cravenly glad to have something impersonal to talk about. "It goes through to the mews." "I'll have to have a look at the foundations before we begin. It won't take a moment. Gill—you'll attend the duchess. If Your Grace will please to let him know any particular plants you may have a fondness for. No, no—no need to stir! I'll find someone to show me down." He was darting back into the house before Maddy could realize that he meant to leave them alone. She lifted her hand—but he was gone. She stood looking at the handsome French door where he'd disappeared into the house. In the alley behind the stables, someone was whistling. She hung immobile in the powerful silence that prevailed inside the barren court. "Why?" Richard asked. Maddy had to turn to him. She kept her eyes down, staring at the raw pavement. "Did he force thee? Archimedea—" His quiet voice had a terrible undertone of emotion in it. "Thou could have come to me. Surely thou knew it." She shook her head quickly, helpless to explain. He walked away to the wall. "The Lord required of me to watch over thee, and to the grief of my soul, I failed in it." "No, Richard—it was not thy failing." The white stone outlined him, square-shouldered, faced to the wall, dark severity against the stark light. When he turned, Maddy averted her eyes again, unable to meet his. He came closer to her. "No matter that he took his way with thee," he said low, his tone burning with intensity. "I would have asked consent of Meeting to make thee my wife." "Wife!" She looked up at him, staring. "I still will do it, Archimedea, if thou will repudiate this fearful error." Beneath the shadow of his hat, his face held a steadfast purity of purpose—almost innocence, it seemed, compared to the muddied turmoil of her own spirit. "It is my blame." "Thou art too good," she said wretchedly. "Come back with me. Leave here; leave this corrupt place and come back now." Maddy stepped away from him, feeling her heartbeat quicken. She'd known she was sinking in this slough of worldliness and carnal love—how far, she had not realized until he offered his hand to pull her free. "I've married him," she said uncertainly. "An unbeliever. An ungodly man. 'Duchess,' they call thee! 'Your Grace'!" He made a grimace of disgust. "Married. Oh, Archimedea, can thou name it that? How, married? Not in the Truth, in the Light, with thy Meeting's consent and thy father's. It is no marriage. Thou are no more than whore to him!" A small sound escaped her as she pulled her shawl tight around herself and turned her face away. "No—that was not justly said." He laid his hand on her arm. "The shame is not thine. It belongs to me. I came back—and they had taken thee away. And every day and night," he said fiercely, "I've scourged myself for leaving thee one hour, for one minute. I knew it unsafe!" "But—my father wished it." "Thy father! God forgive him if he wished such a thing!" She half turned. "Thou wrote it! That Papa wished me to go with Jervaulx!" "I never wrote to thee any such nonsense!" he said vehemently. "Nor would have, even if I could have seen thy father and he commanded me to do it!" "Even if—" Maddy had the ends of her shawl gripped in her hands. "But—thou saw him." "No. He was not there when I went, not at the hotel. I ought to have come back to thee instantly, but I waited late for him to—" "Richard!" She brought the shawl up to her cheeks and pressed it there. She broke away suddenly, walking three paces from him. "Tell me—" She spoke, facing away, with desperate deliberation. "Thou went to my father that day, and sent back a note, in the depth of the night, with instructions to me—to go wherever the duke's friends sent us to hide him." Richard's silence seemed to grow and grow, becoming a thundering in her ears. Maddy turned back to him. "Tell me! Didst thou write it?" Slowly, he shook his head. She felt a weakness come over her. Her mind could not seem to get round the knowledge, but her body had already begun to tremble. Richard caught her hands. "He's the devil!" he exclaimed. "Thou must come—" Voices sounded from within the house: the nurseryman's, and Durham's. The glass door opened and Jervaulx stepped out, turning from the others behind him. The brief echo of cordial voices went silent except for Butterfield's blithe monologue. "—adequate support for beds, and I have an idea of bringing up pipes and using steam from a boiler to heat the greenhouse. If Your Grace... " His voice faded away as he seemed to realize no one was looking at him. Richard did not release her hands. He held them harder. "Come with me now, Archimedea," he said, calm and steady. "Come away." Jervaulx strode toward them. Maddy had a sensation of terror; she tried frantically to speak, to disengage her hands, but she was too late. Jervaulx grabbed Richard, a grip that pushed him; in the opening space the duke's leather-gloved fist came up fast. Maddy flung herself forward to prevent it. In the power of his onslaught Jervaulx's shoulder impacted her with a brutal jolt. It propelled her off her feet: Richard's hands jerked from hers; she heard his agonized cough and hit hard stone, a flash of hot black sensation in her head and arm. Her vision wavered. She lay stunned, curling up against the shock of pain. Jervaulx dropped on his knees beside her. "Maddy... Maddy," he was muttering, leaning over her with such a look in his face that she managed to find her breath to speak. "Don't. I'm all right." She tried to sit up. "Calvin," he shouted, sliding his hand beneath her head. He bent down close to her. "Still, still... Maddy... hurt." Durham was there, and the nurseryman. Past Jervaulx's shoulder she saw Richard climb to his feet and stagger a little. Durham steadied him and let go, leaning over Maddy. "Damn it to hell—is she badly injured?" "No!" Maddy tried again to push herself up, but her arm kept collapsing under her. "No. Only—the wind knocked out of me." Calvin came running up. "Doctor," Jervaulx snapped. He put his arm around her shoulder, holding her against him. "I don't need a doctor." She tried to pull away, but all her strength had left her. She could not seem to get her breath back. When she moved her arm, an excruciating spasm went from her wrist to her shoulder. A wave of nausea washed over her. In spite of herself, she had to rest back against Jervaulx's support. He stroked her forehead and put his face down next to hers. He didn't say anything, but in each breath there seemed to be the half-shape of a word: her name, and sorry, sorry, sorry. "Richard?" She tried to sit up a little more, with her weight on her other hand. Her voice came out all trembly. "Art thou hurt?" He came within her view. "I'm well enough," he said tightly, but his face was white, and he held one arm across his midriff. Jervaulx looked up at him. "Gone," he said. "See you again... horsewhip." Richard stood unmoving. "I will not leave her alone with thee." Maddy felt the tightening in Jervaulx's body. "Your Grace!" Butterfield said, thrusting forward. "My most profound apology for the unspeakable insolence of this man. I'd no clue as to the revolting nature of his character, none whatsoever. From this moment, Richard Gill is no employee of mine, nor will he have a letter—from me or anyone else if I can help it!" "No," Maddy moaned. "Please." She struggled, pulling free of Jervaulx, holding her arm against herself. Her hip ached. She held out her uninjured hand to Durham, who bent instantly to help her. "Sit down here, ma'am," he said. As Maddy hobbled to the garden bench between him and Jervaulx, the chambermaid brought forward a vial of hartshorn. "Thank thee," Maddy said gratefully. The pungent scent seemed to clear her head a little. She sat cradling her injured arm. "Butterfield," she said, lifting her chin with what firmness she could muster. "I wish to have a greenhouse—the duke has promised it to me, and I won't have it designed or supplied by anyone but Richard Gill." Richard said, "I will not enter this house while thou remain here, Archimedea." She looked up at him, biting her lip against its quivering. "Come with me," he said. "No," Jervaulx said. Richard ignored him. "If thou can walk to the bench, thou can walk out of here." "No!" Jervaulx took a step forward. The Quaker turned. "And what will thou do to prevent her? Use a horsewhip?" He spoke in his quiet voice, with nothing of malice in it—and yet the effect upon Jervaulx was like a whiplash itself. He stood stock still. Then he set one shoulder to the wall. For an instant he was a casual picture, a careless aristocrat—until he turned his face to it, leaning his forehead into the stone. Maddy closed her eyes. She would not cry. No, no, she would not. "Come along, Gill." Butterfield's voice made a sharp little echo in the court, but she didn't open her eyes. Nothing moved. She kept her eyes squeezed shut. "Gill!" Butterfield snapped. Richard spoke her name, firm and quiet. She knew it was the last time he would say it. A liar, a villain, a haughty violent reckless man of the world. He was growing worse instead of better. Richard was asking her to leave him, supplying a steadfast will to take the place of her own. But she couldn't move. Not the tiniest, least certain of moves could escape from her frozen frame. And she heard the sound of Richard's footsteps, turning and walking away. Until the closing door went to silence, she did not open her eyes. When she looked up, the court was empty but for Jervaulx, and Durham standing with his hand on the door. "I think you ought to come inside, ma'am, and lie down." "Ye tricked me," Maddy said. "There was no message from Richard. My father never told me to stay with thee." Jervaulx pushed away from the wall, with a bitter half-laugh. "Bastard... Gill." "It was my idea," Durham said quickly. "I must take full blame, and beg your pardon, ma'am, from the bottom of my heart. It was bad, very bad. But—" He was crimson to his hair. "Do let us help you inside, where you may be comfortable!" Maddy stood up. Her stomach still felt strange and weak. Her arm seemed made of india rubber. When she moved it past a certain angle, she sucked in her breath as agony shot through her. "Maddy," Jervaulx said, his voice harsh, as if he was angry with her. He put his arm around her waist with a gentleness that belied it, careful not to touch her injured limb. With the black dizziness threatening, she took the necessary steps quickly, passing through the door into the back parlor, where Durham hurried to throw a pillow on the sofa. A footman and the maid hovered inside, and Calvin came from the hall. "I've sent for a physician." He had a lap robe and another pillow. Maddy, grimacing, let him adjust them around her. "There—Mistress—no need to sit up. Keep the arm quite still." "Go away," Maddy said feebly. "I'm all right." Calvin didn't take offense. "Here are the salts, next to your hand." "Go away," she said again. "Everyone." "Yes, Mistress. Just call out when you want us." The butler withdrew with the other servants. Durham, bowing, followed them out with alacrity. "Go away," Maddy said. Jervaulx didn't move from his place. He stood with his hands locked behind his back, staring out at the barren garden court. "Please," she said. He turned his head, as if he heard her. But he did not go. It was only a very bad sprain, the doctor said, and immobilized it in a sling. He had her moved into bed, and put her to sleep with laudanum. During the examination on the couch in the back parlor, she had made no sound in spite of his manipulations, until he'd asked her how it had happened. "A fall on the stairs?" he inquired cheerfully. "Outside," she said in a dull voice. "A stumble, then? What was the cause?" Maddy was silent. I did it, Christian thought, and felt himself crumbling inside. "A little spell of light-headedness, perhaps?" The physician was one Christian had never seen before, a benign, schoolmasterly sort. He seemed inclined to prod. "Have you been feeling any faintness lately?" "I just... fell," she said. "You must try to be more careful of yourself," he said. "I expect you haven't been married long? This kind of seemingly minor accident can sometimes have more serious consequences. I must appear to be a little indelicate, now, and ask if there is any chance that you may be with child?" Oh God. Christian closed his eyes. Maddy didn't answer. The doctor peered over his glasses at Christian, brows lifted in a silent masculine inquiry. Christian gave a terse nod. The doctor patted her uninjured hand. "I think we will move you into bed, young woman, and just keep a close eye on matters, in that case." He smiled. "Here, here—don't start to weep now, my dear, after you got through all my poking and prodding so brave! I've seen nothing so far to cause us any concern. Nothing at all. Poor thing—you've been a Trojan, haven't you? Let's have you upstairs where you can go to sleep snugly." He marshaled Calvin and a footman to take her up. By the time the doctor came back down, Christian was pouring his third brandy. He turned around as the door opened. The physician came in and sat down unceremoniously with his bag, pulling out a notebook. "The arm has suffered an uncomplicated wrench of the ligament. The bone doesn't appear to have been injured. It'll be mightily painful, but time and stability are the answers to that." He made a calculation, and frowned over it. Then he looked up at Christian. "Sit down, sir. Sit down. I want to talk to you. Would you describe your wife as of a nervous disposition?" Christian sat down. He thought of Maddy—staunch Maddygirl. Not nervous. No. He shook his head. "The present state of her emotions is not steady. Quite possibly it's the distress of the injury, although she bore the examination with the greatest fortitude. You'll forgive my directness—lability of the emotions might also be an early sign of pregnancy, which concerns me, with this fall. She was not forthcoming about either the fall or her menses. Were you present when she had the accident?" Christian looked at the Oriental carpet between his feet, and nodded. "Did she appear pale, or in any way faint?" He stood up, walking. Going nowhere, just walking the room. "Sir—I'm a physician," the man said evenly. "I realize these matters seem—" "I... did it." Christian stopped at the window, staring out. There was a short silence. "You caused her to fall?" He turned to the doctor. "Yes." The man nodded slowly, without taking his eyes from Christian. "I see." His face had grown more grim. "You don't feel that any disequilibrium of hers contributed, then." "No," he said. "She told me that you have only been married for a few weeks?" "Month." "With what little information I could coax from her, I calculate that she's just barely late. I could wish this fall had not occurred at such a time. If she begins to bleed, we'll hardly know if we've lost something, or if she was barren, but I don't scruple to say, sir—my instinct as a physician tells me that you're a father." Christian took a deep drink of brandy. The doctor stood up. "I'll look in this evening. I'm Beckett, by the way. Only just moved into the neighborhood last week. I'm afraid your man brought me along so quick that I didn't properly learn your name." "Jervaulx." He offered his hand. "Well, Mr. Chervo." He gave Christian one merciless shake. "I'm not going to mince words. I advise you to practice a more careful tenderness with your wife, and not cause her any more falls, sir." Maddy had never been an invalid in her life. She was angry at this doctor, who must make such a matter of it. He was even worse when he'd come back in the evening. He'd begun calling her "Your Grace" by then, clucking over her like a hen with one chick: chiding her for not taking the laudanum he'd left, for getting out of bed to sit up, for any movement whatsoever—not to protect her arm, but to prevent this imminent tragedy he seemed convinced must occur. And to her great exasperation, she did begin to bleed in the night. She slept little—propped up against pillows to support her arm. Her unfortunate timing could not be hidden from the doctor when he arrived in the morning. He shook his head with a mournful regret, prescribing complete bed rest for three weeks. He didn't even inquire about her arm before he went out. Maddy pushed her feet from beneath the bedclothes. She held her aching arm against her in the sling, sitting up on the edge of the bed, her feet resting on the bedsteps. Ignorant man! Trying to make a tremendous fuss, so that he might up his fee over nothing more than a wrenched muscle. The bedchamber door opened. She saw Jervaulx's white ravaged face. "It isn't true!" she exclaimed. She gripped her injured arm to her. "It's only what happens every month—thou didst not cause it, dost thou hear me?" Her voice had risen. For no reason at all, she began to weep, watching his taut face blur until she couldn't see it. She shook her head fiercely and reached out her free hand. "Christian—thou didst not cause it." He came. He took her hand and held it in both of his, staring down at it. She pulled away. "Dost thou hear me?" She swallowed tears and shook her head, over and over. "It's too soon for him to know. I would feel differently. Thou didst not make it happen." He didn't look up at her. He stood by the bed, unmoving. She took an indignant breath. "It is all stuff and nonsense. Thou ought not to pay him for anything more than putting me up in this sling." His lashes lifted. For a long moment he scanned her face, and then he turned away and leaned against one of the white pillars near the foot of the bed, staring out the far window. "I... " The muscles in his jaw clenched; he tilted his face up to the ceiling, pushing air harshly through his teeth. He shook his head. She couldn't look at him. She sniffed and wiped hard at her eyes, unable to stop the absurd tears. "Leave," he said suddenly. "Want?" He was watching her with intense question. "I can't leave," she said dully. "We're married. Thou canst not be alone. I have to stay with thee." "Want to leave?" "My arm hurts. I wish to sleep." "Gill?" he said through his teeth. "Gill?" The tears just kept coming. She gave a resentful sob. "At least he is a decent man! Not a liar, or a spendthrift or a savage." Jervaulx put his arm around the column, holding onto it. He gave a short, ugly laugh. "Savage... idiot." She was glad that her arm hurt so badly that she could not reach out to him in response to the bitter penitence in his face. She was horrified at herself; she should have left with Richard, but she had just sat there, frozen, as if someone else were going to make the decision for her. "He doesn't go about hitting people, anyway," she snapped. "He doesn't give preposterous balls for five hundred guests." "He's a pious... mule. You would never... go with him." "I wish thou wouldst leave me alone!" "You would never go with him," he said, more strongly. "Go away!" "Quaker... tiresome... holy... mule." "What dost thou know of it?" she cried. "He is a better man than thee! What dost thou know of good and right?" "I know... you," he said. She fell back on the pillow and curled up around her aching arm, hiding her face from him. "Leave me alone," she sobbed. "Go away and leave me alone."
Without making an issue of it by stealing off and locking doors, Christian moved Brunel's writing machine into the game room and began to take occasion to polish his play. After a week Maddy was already up and about the house, against the doctor's orders, but even females inclined to deprecate the Vice of Idleness, Christian suspected, would not find much to interest them in a game of billiards. The first time, he'd actually played a ball or two, attempting a few strokes before he gave it up, depressed. Another pleasure forfeit to his mazy brain: his fine true table and favorite ivory-handled cue were no remedy for losing the pocket when he focused on the ball—that sensation of something there and not-there, odd and scary, and not overly beneficial to one's aim. He sighed and scattered balls, laying the cue across the cloth. Pushing back the spirit decanters on the buffet, he'd set up his writing machine out of sight of the door if it should open. Eydie, it appeared, was determined to create the maximum amount of difficulty without inconveniencing herself. No, she would not accept any sort of trust for the child; she knew all about that sort of thing, and detested having Friday-faced solicitors always in her house picking at her private concerns. Yes, she certainly would send the babe right back to Scotland if it pleased her; no, she did not like the idea of a discreet arrangement with the Sutherlands to safeguard the child's welfare—why, she wrote plaintively, could he not just send the money directly to her? She was like to think he did not trust her! He didn't. His sympathy for her had vanished in this donkey's performance. Wounded her he might have done, but she'd known the rules of the game as well as he. No one had forced her to play. He didn't pursue this unpleasantness for her sake. Something strange and painful had happened to him. "You're a father," the doctor had said, and Maddy had reached out her hand and wept—and by no logical sequence of thought that he could identify, Christian had come to a grim determination to do right by this unseen and unwanted daughter of his own. It was a delicate matter. He had nothing really to offer but financial support, and at the moment not even that in any significant amount. His income was strained to the limit against far more immediate problems, and he was already forwarding a sum weekly out of cash—household expenses and wages for a wet nurse that Eydie had complained she couldn't afford. One presumed that ladies of her station couldn't be expected to take the economical way out of that, he thought cynically. But it wasn't an infant's nominal keep that occupied him. The sort of long-term commitment that he envisioned—nurse, governess, schooling, a Season and a substantial dowry—required arrangements outside of all previous settlements that encumbered his estate, a secure and concealed source of income that couldn't be rooted out by his family should he chance to hop the perch untimely. There was the rub. Nothing he had now would answer the purpose, and he had yet to be able to finance fresh undertakings—not with whispers of the competency hearing spreading around him like ripples round a pond. And if he dared to wait until after... if he lost... There would be an end of it, if he lost. He stared at the writing machine. He was safe, for as long as he could command his bank account. He'd heard the growing panic under the censure in Maddy's voice and understood better than she that he gambled with gunpowder. Every penny he spent now told against him in Chancery if it came to that—and told against her too. He'd tried to live in the moment, to keep feeling what it felt to be here and now, at liberty, alive. He was not what he'd been. Sometimes the losses caught him like an unexpected slap across the face—small things stinging as hard as the bigger ones: the defiance of his bankers made him angry; the confused wobble of a billiards ball made him want to weep. Durham said he was getting better. Christian held on to that like a lifeline, and at the same time didn't trust it. Better, yes. Good enough, he did not know. The standing up, the test, knowing that everything—everything—counted on his erratic wit—God. At any odds, the price of failure was too high. He didn't intend to wager on his own flawed mind. He didn't intend to submit to any hearing. Everything he did, his calls, the opera, his purchases, the heady amount of cash he'd managed to gather by a calculated rearrangement of his loan payments—it all culminated in the ball. The ball that was to introduce his duchess to society. And what was more, make him safe from the mad place for good. But preparing for it was almost more than he could manage alone. Writing and reading, tickets for wallpaper, caterer's bills, cases of champagne and his account balance in daily fluctuation, available cash pushed to the limit, trying to keep it all in his head because he couldn't trust it to notes, his wretched woolly head that went clear and then foggy, chasing after words and intentions that slipped away and left him lost. Claiming stubborn ignorance of such worldly depravities as balls, Maddy had refused to help with any of it but the loan payments, and Christian had paid all of those that he intended to pay. He could not spare more—another point of discord between them. Her injury had forced him to postpone the event a fortnight beyond his intended date. There was no objective disadvantage to that as far as he could reckon; it merely made the theme something more of Christmas than before, and the strain of anticipation two weeks more tense. He used Durham to spread word of Maddy's accident to excuse Christian's minimal appearances in public. He went back to the opera twice, once alone, once with Durham and Fane, and made a few more calls with them in circumstances that he knew would not require much conversation. He carefully controlled his exposure, and so far it had seemed a success. Durham was confounded by it. He came to sit down at breakfast with Christian and Maddy while he regaled them with the latest. "It's extraordinary," he said, bringing Maddy more tea from the urn on the sideboard. "I mean to say, you'd think the man was Lord Byron warmed over, only for standing there looking intense and keeping his mouth shut." He arranged her cup for her. "Milk, my darling?" "Yes, thank thee. Thou ought not to call me that." Durham and Fane had begun a battle of endearments over Maddy, having survived her gentle censure for the incident of the faked letter. Christian bore the brunt of her reproach—an injustice, he thought sullenly, if she knew how little he remembered of the ruse. That night of their escape was an incoherent jumble to him. Durham had masterminded all the details, but it was only Christian that she called a liar to his face. But then, everything seemed to be his fault these days, according to Miss Thee-Thou Pinchpenny Archimedea Timms. "You'll have to keep a sharp watch on the ladies with this fellow," Durham advised her, disposing himself at his ease in a chair. "Will I?" she asked, looking down at her tea. Her fingers moved restlessly, smoothing over and over the porcelain handle. Christian watched them, tried to memorize them. If he lost, if they sent him back—she wouldn't be there. "The females seem to love it." Durham shook his head. "A look of torrid mystery, rumors of a dangerous tendency to become wild under a full moon, a simple 'yes' or 'no' in answer to everything—Lord, I intend to give it a try myself. They'll be swooning at my feet. God knows they're swooning at his. What do you think?" Fane came in, and stopped dead. "What's wrong with him?" Durham abandoned his sultry pose. "I'm practicing pentup passion." "Well, don't." The colonel bent over Maddy and lifted her hand. "How do you do this morning, angel?" "Thou shouldst not call me so," she said, which was what she always said. "I am much better. I can move my fingers with no hurt at all, and I slept last night without the sling." Fane listened to this report gravely. "In high gig then. Will you come driving with me in the park?" "After... the ball," Christian said. "Spoiler," Fane grumbled. "A veritable curmudgeon," Durham said. "Rot me, there's nothing worse than a jealous husband." Christian made the appropriate dry smile, but he was jealous, though he'd have choked on it before he'd admit it to his friends. He was jealous of their ease with her, jealous of the simple way they could kiss her fingers—touch her—something he had not done since that moment when she'd sat on the edge of his bed, bound up and hurting by his own hand. And he was madly jealous of Richard Gill, a phantom presence between them. Christian had swallowed all his rage and pride and summoned the nurseryman Butterfield to make certain he didn't dismiss his pious mule of an employee, blaming the incident on that universal and transparent case, the "unfortunate misunderstanding." Christian had done that for Maddy, and made certain that she knew about it, expecting the reward he surely thought he deserved for the bitter pill it was—to leave the Mule unpunished for openly trying to seduce Christian's wife into leaving him in his own back garden. It had been his first conscious foray into being a better man, and all it had garnered him was a modest, "Thou didst right, then." Christian set his teeth together. He didn't think he liked being a better man. He thought that if he couldn't banish the hallowed specter of Richard Gill soon, he was going to take a rapid turn for the worse. Jervaulx had selected the fabric and design for her ball gown. Maddy had known perfectly well that she must have one, but in a perverse reaction to the curl of inward pleasure she experienced at the idea of a special gown, and in full accord with the trepidation she felt about the ball itself, she had met with the couturiere only with the greatest reluctance, and had refused to give any opinion at all as to what she liked of material or pattern. That hadn't appeared to concern Jervaulx. He attended the session in the back parlor, examining fashion plates and dolls as if he were a master of it. Maddy secretly inclined toward the vivid, peacocky colors of a green silk trimmed in purple, as pretty as an exotic flower and just as opulent, shown in the picture with three rows of flounces at the hem, puffed sleeves and a trailing boa in transparent purple, but of course she would never have said so. She couldn't imagine herself wearing it in any case—but she thought it very taking. The modiste was clever enough to push that particular plate back into view several times, offering samples of possible fabrics, but Jervaulx didn't even glance at them. He'd held a scrap of colorless material in his hand, sifting through the plates impatiently until he got to the bottom of the stack and sat back. The French madame returned to the purple and green combination, holding it up to Maddy's face, making a small frown and shaking her head. "No," she'd said. "It will not do. It will swallow her up whole." Maddy held herself aloof. She was not disappointed. Her days alone in bed, protected by her injury from his lures and temptations, had given her time to meditate on her weakness. She had erased all that part of herself, the part that turned to color and idle mirth and to him. Jervaulx picked up one of the fashion dolls, turning it over in his hand. Suddenly he reached for a pair of scissors and began snipping at the trim, ignoring the modiste's faint "oh." The ruffles fell away until the gown that was left seemed as simple as Plain Dress, except for the wide, low scoop of neckline. The original design had had a broad trim of lace to border it; Jervaulx cut that away in the center, leaving only a sort of lace shawl over the full sleeves. He laid the drab scrap of cloth on the doll and handed it to the couturiere. She examined it for a moment, looking up at Maddy with narrowed eyes. Then she pursed her lips and lifted her brows. "If it is what you wish," she said. Jervaulx only nodded, and left Maddy to be measured. That had been when her arm was still completely immobile, and an awkward, painful process it was. Now that her injury allowed more freedom of motion, Jervaulx had informed her at breakfast, the modiste required another fitting. Maddy reluctantly presented herself at the appointed time. The bland fabric that he'd chosen had extinguished her one pleasure in the gown—all it was now was a concrete reminder of his uncontrollable intemperance and the approaching trial of the ball. The assistant helped her out of her day dress, as her arm was still far too sore to be very useful. With a mutter of disapproval, the modiste unbuttoned Maddy's corset and chemise. "It is too high to the neck—it will show." Before Maddy realized what the woman was about, she had stripped the undergarments down to Maddy's waist. Maddy sucked in her breath and crossed her arms over her breasts—and of all moments, Jervaulx chose that one to walk into the room. He glanced at her, meeting Maddy's horrified gaze without a flicker of reaction. While they tied the bustle, he sat down in a chair, relaxed, like a detached connoisseur in watching women dress. The gown came down over her head. She hadn't expected it; she'd been caught up in her mortification at his entry and the pain the quick movement to cover herself had caused. Maddy made a little whimper as the assistant caught her hand, trying to bring up the sleeves. "Careful!" Jervaulx said sharply, and the modiste and assistant murmured profuse apologies. They began to work with more gentleness, allowing Maddy to adjust her arm in stages to get it through the sleeve. This required that she stand quite exposed before Jervaulx, and he didn't have the decency to avert his eyes for an instant. By the time the gown was adjusted, she felt hot all over with embarrassment. The assistant held the gown together in the back, pinning it very tight, since she had no corset. "Your arm down, madame, if you please to try it," the modiste requested. Maddy opened her elbow in increments, biting her lower lip. Jervaulx bent his head a little, resting his mouth on the back of his hand, looking down for the first time. "Ah." The modiste stood back. She had a slight, acerbic curl to her mouth. "I see what you are about, Your Grace." Jervaulx lifted his eyes. He looked at Maddy from hem to head, a slow appraisal that brought blood brimming to her cheeks. He nodded. The assistant hustled to carry the cheval glass around in front of Maddy, and she saw herself for the first time. She was shocked. The drab scrap of fabric, the fine, stiff, scratchy material that poked and abraded her bare skin—in the glass it shimmered with color like a faint prism, metallic threads interwoven with silk to make a silver tissue that caught the light and held it, transparent flame. The plain cut of the dress, with no frills, only the half-shawl of Venetian lace, drew the eye instantly to the neckline that dropped off her shoulders and swept low across her breasts, voluptuous and yet stark. The sleeves echoed her simple dresses, stopping just above her elbows, but full and glittering, radiating light. It was blasphemous, a deliberate transformation of Plain Dress into sparkling provocative luxury. "I cannot wear this!" she exclaimed. "Madame," the modiste said quietly, "it is magnificent." Maddy looked at Jervaulx. "I cannot. Thou must know!" He smiled, saying nothing—that maddening perceptive smile, as if he knew her better than she knew herself. "I cannot!" The modiste bent to shake out a fold of the skirt. "If it does not please madame, then I will take it back. I think of a half dozen clients now who will—" "Not back," Jervaulx said. "She wears it." He reached beneath his coat and brought out a box of a sort that was becoming all too familiar to Maddy. "Oh, no," she said, eying the jeweler's case. "I don't want it. I don't want these ornaments. Canst thou not understand that?" Jervaulx stood. He opened the case, and Maddy gave a moan of dismay. The modiste and her assistant were not so ungenerous; they inhaled in unfeigned wonder at the sight of the flashing tiara with three stones the size of wren's eggs, holding all the color Maddy had secretly wished for: a green blaze of emeralds framed by curling vines of amethysts, pearls and diamonds. Maddy had begun to learn something about money and what it might buy—and this, she knew instantly, was no casual gift of a pearl chain, or even an orangerie. This was something that would ransom princes and adorn queens, the size of the stones alone a declaration of sovereignty. She stepped back as he lifted it to place it in her hair. "Where didst thou come by this?" She had a hope that it was a family piece, some ducal heirloom that he meant his duchess to wear on her debut, but he only said, "Bought. Think I... stole it?" "Jervaulx!" she cried. "More? When thou art—" A warning in his sideways glance stopped her. She gave another whimper as he slid the silver comb beneath her coiled braids. "Why, why, why?" she moaned. "Thou must know I despise such things. Where is thy sense?" "A small purchase," he said. "Small! Oh, thou art infamous! When thou ought to be paying—" He put his forefinger against her lips, smoothing them in a sensual touch. She jerked her face away. She couldn't let him touch her, couldn't give in to the rush of love and yearning, the sensation he aroused so instantly. He lowered his lashes, withdrawing. "Perhaps you don't like." His voice had taken on an undertone of cold mocking command. "But you will... show grace... to His Majesty." She stood motionless. "To—whom?" He moved back and sat down in the chair, stretching out his legs. He observed her with a critical eye, then turned to the modiste. "Your opinion?" The woman surveyed Maddy with professional acumen. "Unusual, Your Grace." She nodded slowly. "Memorable." "The king?" Maddy asked in a small voice. "Dost thou speak of the king?" He held out his hand, and the modiste hurried forward to take the tiara from Maddy's hair and convey it to him reverently. The jewels disappeared again into the box. The duke went to the chamber door. "Jervaulx," Maddy said tremulously. "Dost thou mean to say—the king is coming to thy ball?" He looked back at her and shrugged. "Perhaps," he said. The door closed behind him. "Quelle chance!" The modiste clapped her hands together. "Oh, madame," she breathed. "It is the coup de main. His Majesty comes to your debut!" From Christian's single planted hint, the talk spread. He did not risk any further appearances in public; he let Durham and Fane act his point-guard, bringing back reports of what was said by whom. God only knew if he'd cut his own throat by making this final stake. It had taken all the cash he could lay hands on—exhausted his liquid income, drained dry his account at Hoare's, provoked another visit from Mr. Manning and friends that had been barred at the door by Calvin and a set of footmen carefully selected for their formidable size and robust constitutions. Poor old King George had been discreetly peddling the tiara, a bauble once given by Bonaparte to the Empress Marie-Louise, at the outrageous price of fifty thousand pounds for years. There's been no takers: His Majesty's royal whim wasn't trustworthy enough in political matters to make it worth the cost—but Christian had paid it, reckoning that with the completion of the Brighton pavilion giving way to a princely passion for creating Gothic glories at Windsor, an infusion of hard cash, instead of another tiresome creditor, would be powerfully welcome to the king. Acceptances for the ball had already been copious enough, but the prospect—the great question—of His Majesty's appearance had the effect of stirring a hornet's nest. Ridiculous the king might be, fat and gouty, ever more secluded, a target of easy scorn—but let it chance that the monarch might condescend to attend a social gathering, Christian thought dryly, and the old beguiling perfume of royalty turned out to be more than a fading whiff. It was power. If he managed to anoint himself with that influential cachet, then his brothers-in-law would find themselves members of the wrong club entirely. To publicly insist in the courts that His Majesty chose to honor idiots and madmen with his friendship was to go beyond the pale. Against the king's indulgence, pushing forward a hearing into Christian's reason became a gaffe of grandiose proportions. George could stop them with a word, if he cared to utter it. The betting book was open at White's, and Durham claimed that he'd witnessed a debate at Brooks's of three hours' duration: Jervaulx's stubbornly progressive politics, anathema to the King, versus the still-amazing fact that back in '20, Christian had gone dead against his party and public opinion, supporting George's attempt to rid himself of his sordid queen when even the Tory peers had slunk away. As it happened, Christian had taken that particular position on a bet that he could do it and still walk into Whitehall without being pelted with rotten eggs—which he'd lost—but nobody beyond he and Fane and Durham were privy to that. And half in spite of himself, Christian had always liked George. It required a private acquaintance to see the sincerity, the good heart and clever humor beneath the self-indulgence, the man inside the sad shell he'd become. He'd a child's temper and a talent for extravagance, no restraint and no judgment, but he'd transformed the face of London with his elegant taste, and dispensed old-age pensions to such diverse personages as Coleridge the poet and Phoebe Hessel the woman soldier; he kept his ministers poring through the criminal lists to find condemned prisoners who had no other advocate in order to consider their cases for mercy himself; he donated his library—after the Emperor of Russia had offered him a hundred thousand pounds for it—to the nation. George had his moments. Christian just hoped to the devil he was going to be one of them. Even with Calvin and the new secretary to do the footwork, he was nearly spent by the end of each day with the effort of the preparations, tired and angry and lonely when he faced the dressing room and single bed. He and Maddy didn't speak at all now. He couldn't put a moment to when it had happened; a slow barrier of silence had just seemed to grow between them as her arm healed and the ball drew closer. Durham and Fane made breakfast conversation, and at midday Christian took a tray in the library with his work. Dinner was agony, alone at the table with her. He fell to solving mathematical equations in his head, to give him something to do besides watch her pick at her food like a caged and unhappy bird. He was losing her. She was deliberately going away. Her body was here, but his Maddygirl, who laughed at foolish jokes, who looked up at him beneath sultry lashes—she was disappearing before his eyes, transforming into this ghastly severe gray ghost-creature. He never touched her. He never tried. At first it had been because he'd not wanted to hurt her again, but as she'd healed the stiffness had grown in her. She moved away when he came near. She paralyzed him into a frozen courtesy. He would not be a savage. Instead he worked, and tried to savor the transitory moments of autonomy, and longed for just an hour of no words, no future, nothing but her body and his own in raw and primitive communion. By the morning of the ball, Durham reported that word the king was dropsical had sent the odds at Brooks's to seventy-to-one. Christian tried not to think about it. He wasn't certain Maddy was going to hold up on him. She looked almost ill at breakfast, picking at her food while Christian and the secretary went over details. "Gown?" he asked her. "Here and fits?" "Yes," she said, staring at her buttered eggs as if they spelled out D-O-O-M in large letters. "Gloves?" "Yes, I have the gloves." He tilted his head. "Your arm... hurts?" She stirred the eggs with a broad knife. "No. It's all right." Maddy, he wanted to plead, don't do this to me. I need you now. But it was impossible. The constraint between them had reached incurable proportions. She left him at an utter loss. He could not touch her, he could not depend on her; he had himself only to get through it. She lifted her head suddenly. "Jervaulx," she said, with the air of having taken an irrevocable decision. He closed his hands hard and looked up at her. "Thou ought to understand that I cannot curtsy nor give vain flattering titles to the king," she declared. She flung a look toward him, as if she expected a battle, and then, shying from it, pushed her chair back and bolted from the room. Oh, excellent, Christian thought, dropping his head back on the chair. I'm looking forward to it. Supper would be served at midnight in the dining room. Christian intended to place a quartet of musicians on the library gallery for the card players. He'd had the blue salon cleared for dancing and the real orchestra. Some of the best furniture from the salon had been moved to the back parlor on the ground floor. That room was unrecognizable now, after the refitting, transformed from the most casual to the most magnificent chamber in the house in a scheme of pure white and gold, expanded with mirrors, accented with a vivid red and blue rug, and porcelain dragons writhing up the tall pair of candelabra standing to either side of the new crimson sofa. That sofa appeared ominously empty when Christian made his inspection. The whole room looked precisely what it was: a shameless grovel to a king who couldn't climb the stairs—therefore bring the ball to him. There was a chair for his mistress Lady Conyngham and accommodation for the favored Dr. Knighton, space enough for anyone His Majesty wished to honor by calling them down from upstairs, and another set of musicians who would wait in the adjacent breakfast alcove until—if—His Majesty appeared, at which time they would play Italian airs. Christian leaned on the doorpost. Behind him, a footman made a polite cough. Christian turned. He accepted the note offered, hiding the further sinking of his mood as he recognized the telltale wafer. With a sigh, he walked across the hall to the billiards room, poured himself an early cognac, and broke the seal. Your Grace, Eydie wrote—intending a pointed sarcasm, he supposed—I have received in the post an Honorable offer of Matrimony from Mr. Newdigate of Bombay. In view of his steady devotion to me since before my marriage, his substantial prosperity and the generosity of his proposals, and my Understanding that I can no longer expect worthy treatment from those of whom I deserve better—"better" being underlined three times—I am inclined to accept him. Therefore I will be departing for Calais directly. Mr. Newdigate kindly forwards Sufficient funds for my own travel, however he is not aware of a Package which I must perforce leave behind me, as I am completely without means to convey it to Scotland. As you have indicated your Keen Interest in this parcel, I leave to you how it may best be disposed. I do hope your little Quaker nurse does not prove a horrid Embarrassment to you at your party, my dear. Your sister tells me that you are not well—I wonder that you have undertaken to entertain at all. Do you think it quite wise? The pert tone of this missive made him set his teeth. Well enough if Eydie had dug up a nabob for herself, but he had no time for it now. He'd have to make the arrangements to return the babe to Scotland himself, as it was obvious Eydie would not lift her finger. At least she didn't seem inclined to drag the child off to India—clearly the nabob wasn't to be imposed upon by any such tedious details as deep mourning or infants. He set up the writing machine, but scrawled only a brief reply, watching the copying pen for mistakes. It was so short he could hardly botch it even the first time. He pulled the sheet free and dispatched it.
Maddy was standing in a robe, staring listlessly out the window of the spare bedroom where she was to dress when she saw the hackney draw up before the front steps. As the cab's door opened, she sucked in a horrified breath at the sight of a Friend's hat and dark coat. The maid was already laying out the silver gown. Maddy hastened back from the window, slamming the shutters. "Quick—something—" Her day dress had been left downstairs. "Help me put it on!" She snatched up the ball gown and thrust it at the startled maid. A minute later, barely buttoned and hooked, Maddy was rushing down the stairs. She reached the hall just as a harried footman laid aside a tray of glasses to answer the bell. "It will be for me," she said, desperate to think of somewhere to hide him—why, oh, why had Richard come now of all times! The back parlor was impossible, the breakfast room full of Italian musicians, Calvin's buttery stocked to the ceiling with crates of champagne—she thrust open the door of the billiards room. "Show him in here." She stepped through and closed herself in. There was a murmur in the vestibule, and then the footman held open the door. "Mr. and Mrs. Little, Mr. Bond, Mr. Osborne." Maddy had a moment of strange suspension. It was not Richard. She stood facing the elders of her own Meeting, with her heart withering in her breast. The footman closed the door. Maddy's lips parted, but no sound came out. "Archimedea Timms," said Elias Little, "we are come in concern to see thee here in the house of an unbeliever." The other three stood somber, looking at her in the silver ball gown that mocked Plain Dress. Elias spoke quietly. "We ask thee, hast thou wedded this man?" She had known this would happen, that they would come to tell her, but she had not known how it would feel. She had not known what it would be to face them, these people she had loved, who had been as good as family to her. Constance Little was already weeping, silently, her hands twisting in her apron. Maddy blinked. She turned her face away. Wordlessly, she nodded. "Oh, Maddy," Constance said in a whisper. It was as if they had not quite been able to believe it before. Elias glanced around the rich leather and gilt appointments of the room. He gazed at the billiards table, his kind face furrowed with distress. "It is a real sorrow to Friends," he said, in his great soft voice that she had heard roll out so often on First Day. "The Meeting has directed us to visit thee, and bring thee to a sense of thy wrong. According to the good order of Truth, a Friend ought not to be unequally yoked to one of the world, nor make a motion toward marriage without the consent and approval of Meeting." Elias held out his hand, touching her wrist, speaking more gently. "Archimedea, these are not aimless regulations, but protection for thee, that thou dost not run into the enemy's snare. A young person may be hasty, and mistaken in the Way, and therefore the matter is brought before Meeting and declared unto Friends, who are able in the wisdom and power of God to see into it, whether it is in the Light. Dost thou understand this as the Truth?" She swallowed. "Yes." Oh yes. She understood. "And yet thou wast not governed by it. Thou took not counsel of the Lord, nor of Friends, but only thy own willful way." She half-opened her mouth, and then pressed her lips closed. She did not speak. "Understanding this, thou wilt know why we are come." Maddy made a small sound of misery. She turned her back on them. There was a faint rustle of paper. Elias cleared his throat. "Archimedea Timms, because thou hast from a child been used to go with thy father to Meetings, and taken the outward character of our profession, bearing the name of Quaker, and because thou hast run out from the Truth and married a man of the world, a necessity lies upon us to give forth this testimony against thee, that thou art not at all—" There his deep, soft voice faltered. "—not at all owned as one in fellowship with us." The tears began to fall, dripping down in hot salty grief to Maddy's chin. Elias took a deep breath. "Furthermore—because it be well known to many that thou hast had the name and appearance of a Friend, and art reputed by the World's people a Quaker, for the safety and honor of the Society, we direct thee to publicly clear truth by drawing up a paper making it known that thy unequal marriage was not taught nor countenanced by Friends, and to copy it three times, and deliver said copies one to Meeting, to be read out, one to him called a minister who performed the marriage, and one to the newspapers, in order that thou may not under the name of Quaker deceive the world." Maddy closed her eyes. The newspapers! It was because of Jervaulx, because he was a duke and so everyone must know. She put her fingers up and wiped her eyes, turning quickly. "Let me do it now, then." If she waited—if she stopped and thought—she was afraid she would not have the courage. She cast a wild look around the room, turning from Constance's tears. There—the duke's writing machine—she pulled open the little drawer on the closed box and found pen and ink. There was no paper; she opened out the box and caught the pieces that fluttered free. The topmost was already used, scrawled Send the parcel to me in Jervaulx's imperfect handwriting. Maddy scratched through that so hard that the tip of the pen broke. "Archimedea," said Elias, "thou ought not to write in an immoderate spirit. Thy words must be acceptable to Meeting." Maddy dropped the pen. She sat down on a bench. "I should not have done it." Her face wrinkled up. She could not keep control of tears, or the low mourning note in her throat. "I want to go back." She rocked, weeping, and looked up. "Oh, Constance, I want to go home! Can't I go home anymore?" Constance rushed to her, taking her hands, kneeling. "Maddy, dost thou wish to come back? Thou canst come to me! Clear Truth, and come and live in the Light." Maddy looked up past her toward Elias in a wild and sudden hope. "Thou knowest that we bar no one from Meeting, Archimedea," he said. "But thou canst not manifest the appearance of a Friend and be wed to this man of the world. We could not be easy in such a thing." "But I could come back?" "I cannot speak for Meeting," Elias said. "We're only given to say that the paper must be written." She bowed her head. "Yes. Yes, I'll—" The door to the billiards room opened suddenly. Maddy jerked upright, clutching Constance's hands. Jervaulx stopped, with a look of blank startlement. He seemed slow to retrieve his focus; for a long moment he just gazed at Elias Little. Then he found Maddy; he looked at her hands locked with Constance's and the scatter of paper on the sideboard. A wariness came into his face. Maddy slowly let go of a breath as she realized he was not going to explode. She disengaged her hands from Constance's. "Jervaulx," she said, lifting her chin, "these are Friends who have come to speak to me." He said nothing, only stood there with that guarded look. "This is my husband," Maddy said quietly. He was dressed in formal coat and black breeches, his shirtfront all lace with an emerald pin glittering in the folds—tall and still, not a little Satanic in his looks: the model of a carnal pleasure-seeking man. "Speak what?" he asked, with a hint of challenge. "We come to testify that Archimedea is no longer in our fellowship," Elias said somberly, "because she has gone out of the Truth and wed herself to thee." Jervaulx looked to Maddy's tear-stained face and back at Elias. "You cause... to cry." "It is a heavy thing that we do." The duke surprised Maddy. Instead of erupting into a temper he only said, "Finish?" The elder nodded. "We have said what we were directed to say." Jervaulx stood back and held open the door. Constance turned. She gave Maddy a quick hug. "Come to us," she murmured, before she hurried past the duke out of the room. The others followed more slowly. None of them looked back or said anything. Maddy was left in place, facing him. He walked to the sideboard, gathering up the broken pen and papers. He collected it all and put it away, closing the box, crushing the sheet that she'd scratched over. He looked up at her sideways. "Not sorry... Maddy," he said with cool defiance. "You weep... but I am not sorry." At dusk, he looked down from the library window and saw her in the empty court, kneeling near the wall, her head bowed, as if she were praying. He made a wordless mutter toward his secretary and left the room. In the garden court, he found her on her knees in the biting cold, dressed in her old drab Quaker clothes, pulling at tiny weeds along the base of the wall with her fingernails. "Maddy," he said, brought up short in his irritation, confounded by this strange task. "What are you doing?" She sat back on her heels and looked up at him briefly, then went back to her meticulous weeding. "I wish to make myself useful in some way." He stood watching her. "Not now. You... dress. Don't have to... . useful." She bent closer to the ground, digging at mortar with her bare fingers. "Don't," he said sharply, disliking to see her at such work. "Thou dost not permit it?" "No. Maddy—'" She rose, and sat down on the iron bench, looking at her lap. What's wrong, what's wrong?—but he was loathe to know. "I would like something to do," she said, her breath frosting as she spoke. "I'm not accustomed to idleness." "The ball—" "Oh, yes," she said lightly. "Hast thou made a note in thy accounts? 'One duchess, in ball gown, to be stood at the top of the stairs to receive.'" She shook her head. "I am no duchess. I won't belong there." "Maddy." He reached out to touch her, but she suddenly stood up and walked away. "I don't belong here," she said, facing away from him. "Need you... Maddy. If you want something... task... the ball—" "I know nothing of that!" Her voice was resentful but subdued, half lost as she continued to look down. "Thou hast thy secretary. Thou dost not need me." She picked at the edge of her sling. Her voice broke upward. "Thou dost not need me." He gazed at her, holding himself in check. "What do you want... instead?" She bent her head a little, not answering. "Quaker?" he asked softly. "Gill?" "I don't want to forget what I am," she said with a strange intensity. "I don't want to." His body tautened. He opened and closed his fist. "My wife. I need now... tonight... stand with me." "Tonight!" she said in scorn. "There are other things in the world besides thy frivolous ball. There are other things besides making thyself the great duke again!" His control was cracking; he breathed softly through his teeth. "Where's your dress?" "I'm not going to attend," she said. She lifted a finger in dismissal. "It's a creaturely amusement." "Amusement?" he uttered viciously. "Think I do it... for amusement?" He caught her arm, thrust her back to face him. "What happens... when I'm not the duke?" He gripped her hard. "What happens... to you... I'm there again?" Shaking her, he shouted, "Lunatic! Lunatic, Maddy! Suppose you can stop? You can't. I can't. King! The king can stop, if he will." With a low violent sound, he let her go. "Never go back... I will not lose... you! Lose all! I—will—be—the—duke!" He pushed away, turned and left her in the vacant court. At the door, he stopped and looked back. "Save us. That's what I do... tiara... king... frivolous ball. Save us!" He jerked his head toward the house. "You want... useful. All right! Useful. One duchess! Receive! Silver dress! Understand?" She was gazing at him, unmoving, as if he were someone she'd never seen before. He glared back at her. She moistened her lips. "It is... to save thee?" she repeated. "Both. You and me. Go... dress," he snapped, and slammed the door. At the top of the staircase, in a hall that smelled of evergreen and ladies' perfume, so full of noise that the wall of sound seemed tangible, Christian shook hands. There was no need to speak; no one could possibly hear what he said. A footman at the base of the stairs bawled the names of the guests as they mounted the step, but no one could hear him, either. Maddy stood beside him, the tiara flashing green fire every time she moved her head. She had come back to life, his Maddygirl—serious still, but sometimes she gave him a look beneath her lashes, an anxious question, as if to ask if they were succeeding at what they did. He could tell that her injured arm hurt her. She held it against herself, trying surreptitiously to support it, no doubt as aware as he that every moment she was under the scrutiny of endless eyes. Christian waited until a brief pause, a distraction produced by a lady catching her hem on the stairs below. He took Maddy's elbow and steered her away from the hall where they'd been posted for an hour, and into the blue salon. The press of guests cleared magically at their passage, moving back from the center of the room where the rugs had been taken up, obviously expecting him and Maddy to open the ball. But he could not, not until the king arrived. Christian passed right by the waiting orchestra and began a circuit of the rooms. He'd found that the social commonplaces were easy, so ingrained in him that he could speak them without hesitation, like the words to an old song too familiar to have meaning anymore. The noise helped: in the library the quartet was barely audible above the talk. He didn't stop anywhere longer than it took to pause and accept mechanical congratulations, enduring the curiosity and exchanges of looks that he knew trailed behind them. It was just one more gamble, waiting to begin the dancing. Every minute beyond midnight made it more obvious. 'Til half-past, he reckoned—he could wait that long. If His Majesty hadn't arrived by then, he'd put all his blunt on a losing card. At least his brothers-in-law weren't here to see it in person. He'd invited his family—but of course they had not come, nor acknowledged it. Not with Maddy in his house, not with their attorneys trying to have him stripped to nothing. She walked beside him, a silver Galatea, life turned to sculpture instead of the other way round. She did a strange thing with her grave reserve—she embarrassed them. Christian could see it. They had come to sneer at her—that one night at the opera and the rumor mill had done its work—fortune hunter, Quakeress, elevated demimondaine; one could only guess, and she didn't give them a clue. He came across Fane near the end of the circuit and caught him away from the army coterie, drawing him into the open dressing room, where flowers and a few chairs made a quiet but public nook amid the slow current of guests. "Rest." He handed Maddy into a armchair. She clung to him a moment, her only sign of dismay, but he bowed. "A glass," he promised. "Fane will stay." "Honored to do so," Fane said instantly. Christian went to dispatch a footman to them, and check for any word of the king. "You're monstrous comely tonight, my love," Colonel Fane said, bowing to Maddy. A couple stopped beside them. "Indeed! A rara avis," the man agreed, sweeping a bow. "Your gown is—so unusual, duchess," his partner said, in a tone that might be a compliment or an insult. "Is it Devey?" "Devey?" Maddy repeated. The woman gave her a patronizing smile. "Madame Devey. In Grosvenor Square." She fanned herself with a spread of feathers. "This is such an interesting new idea, to put back the dancing. How late it seems! Is it after midnight yet?" The colonel dug in a pocket beneath his brilliant scarlet coat. He dug deeper, frowning a little. "Twenty-five past," the other man said, consulting his own watch. "Will we begin soon, duchess?" the woman asked sweetly. "I don't know," Maddy said. "Ah! Well! We must not monopolize you, ma'am." With a light laugh, the woman bowed and drew back. "Magnificent decorations." As the couple drifted away, Colonel Fane grinned. "Regular cat-party." He was holding his watch, still digging deep in the pocket of his coat. "Confound it, look here what I've found. There!" He pulled his hand free and held it out. "Caught in the lining, by George!" Maddy looked down into his open palm at an opal and pearl filigree ring of distinctive design. "Your wedding ring, ma'am," he announced proudly. She frowned at it. "Hang me for a half-wit—no wonder I didn't have it at the ceremony. This coat never left London." He lifted her hand, and closed her fingers over the ring. "There now. Better put it on, so you don't lose it." Maddy had long since given up trying to keep Jervaulx's signet on her hand. She bit her lip, and then slid the opal onto her finger, where it fit with chance perfection. The tiara had given her a tremendous headache. What anyone saw in this unpleasant form of entertainment, Maddy could not fathom: a huge, hot press of overdressed people with nothing to do but talk to one another at the top of their lungs and drink. The laughter had grown giddy, and people were complaining. She'd been asked five times if His Majesty was expected, and had answered honestly that she didn't know. She suspected that the guests wished to ask much more than that, but either Colonel Fane or Durham, sometimes both, was always at her elbow, fending off the most pointed inquiries with their singular blend of nonsense and wit. She'd learned from Durham's observations, and dedicated herself to brevity in conversation. It didn't seem to work quite as well for her as he'd claimed it did for Jervaulx—people looked at her in very peculiar ways—but she told herself that she did not care. She did not wish them to like her, nor befriend her, which was well, because they did not. A tipsy woman in a purple dress pressed up to Maddy from behind, stumbling against her. The lady's gloved hands clung painfully to Maddy's sore arm, while a painted mouth opened and smiled, too close. "Pardon me!" the lady cried. "I am so clumsy!" She took Maddy's hand. "It is a lovely ball, dear. When is the dancing to begin?" "I don't know," Maddy said, but her questioner was already gone, leaving a folded note pressed into her hand. She opened it. Upstairs, was all it said, scribbled unevenly. Maddy didn't know why Jervaulx could not come for her himself, instead of sending a drunken lady as a messenger, but she told Colonel Fane that she was wanted. He nodded affably, a little worse for all the champagne himself, and escorted her through the crowd to the back stairs. At quarter before one, the vultures arrived. Calvin brought word to Christian that Mr. Manning and Lord Stoneham had entered without announcement. Come to gloat, Christian thought. He'd been aware of a subtle outflow of people in the past few minutes. He could hardly blame them. They'd got what they'd come for, a view of him and Maddy—and still the dancing had not begun. The midnight supper was waiting, and people were beginning to look at him and speak in lowered voices. Durham drifted past in the crowd. He smiled, holding a glass of champagne above the feathered headdress of a countess who was prattling to Christian about some daughter of hers that he didn't remember. Durham didn't say anything. With the subtlest of moves, he simply shook his head. Christian gave it up. He bowed to the countess and went to look for his wife. Maddy climbed the back stairs alone. On the upper floor, the music from the gallery was much more audible, while the sound of the guests faded to a dull roar. She paused in the hall, and then went to the open door of the spare room where she'd dressed. "Jervaulx?" She peeked around the door. At the sight of two of the duke's brothers-in-law, Maddy looked quickly for the duke and did not find him. "Ma'am. Do come in. We'd like to talk to you." She pushed the door wide. "Where is he?" The ruddy-faced one leaned over and caught her wrist, drawing her inside. "Jervaulx? Why, downstairs with his guests, I suppose. I don't believe we've ever been properly introduced." He closed the door. "I'm Manning. This is Lord Stoneham." Maddy glanced at the other man, who was smoothing over and over at his ample sideburns. He bowed quickly. "Let me speak directly to the point," Manning said. "We're here to make terms with you." Maddy stood silent. "Come, Miss Timms." He put a sarcastic emphasis on her name. "You must know by now that this wild grasp at the king isn't going to answer." Still she said nothing. "He isn't going to come, ma'am. You've bought that vulgar trinket on your head for nothing, if you thought you purchased His Majesty's protection along with it. He is notoriously erratic, my dear. A shrewd cast, and one that might have saved you—but I'm afraid it appears as if it won't." She sank down slowly in a chair, watching him in fascination. "Saved me?" "If you thought yourself made safe by quashing all hope of a hearing—then indeed—had the king cared to bestir himself this evening, you were saved, weren't you? But he has not." She clasped her hands in her lap, staring at them, feeling the weight of the tiara on her head. "Perhaps—he might come yet." "Unlikely. You hold your orchestra silent for nothing. But there's no need to dwell on that. Let us talk business. You wear the tiara—you know what it's worth. You may have it." She kept her head lowered. "I don't understand." "Miss Timms, I shall lay the facts before you. We have investigated this so-called wedding, and discovered your ploy. Farce, I might better call it—since only a man who'd gone simple in the head could possibly have tumbled for a pack of country yokels hired to pound at the door." Maddy's chin came up abruptly. Manning smiled. "Ah, yes. We've found you out, you see." "Hired—to pound at the door?" she said in wonder. "Spare us your histrionic talents, Miss Timms. We can produce the fellows in court. I take it this damned Kit Durham is in it with you hand and glove, but what you must realize, ma'am, is that there is no marriage. The law requires the approved Church of England ceremony and no duress. Quite aside from Jervaulx's incompetence, and the sham pursuit, we have a witness who can testify to the irregularity of the ceremony itself. It has a very ugly smell, Miss Timms. Very ugly. There are heavy penalties for the sort of trick you've tried to pull." "I hired no one," Maddy said. "I—" "Don't think to succeed at making Mr. Durham your scapegoat. Your dirty work he may have done, but I'll see to it—I'll see to it personally, Miss Timms—that you suffer all the penalty you deserve, should you push me." "Manning," the other one said, with a plaintive note. "Let me talk to her. Try to understand, Miss—ah—ma'am. We're awfully upset. We hate dragging this through the mud, but you really ought to think a moment. That's why we're here, you see—we don't want to carry it all the way, but you're forcing us into such an unpleasant position, with all this spending and these balls and things. Please think about it." "What—do ye want me to think about?" "Cutting your losses, ma'am," Manning said harshly. "And ours," Stoneham added. "Don't make us go so far as a public hearing. The family name, ma'am! Have a little pity. Just give him back to us, so that we don't have to take it to the courts." "Where you will lose everything, Miss Timms. Everything, once he's declared incompetent. And I don't scruple to say that it is you who tell against his wit the heaviest—his marriage to such as you, and the deranged actions he's taken under your power—dismissing Torbyn—that gun—the tiara—this bungle of debts—this very ball, madam, at such a time! I'll admit that he might fool the casual eye, but all this will come out in court, and then you're gone—with nothing. Except perhaps a place on a convict transport." "But we don't want to take it that far," Stoneham pleaded. "We're prepared to be generous. Very generous. We'll do anything to avoid a hearing." She shook her head, trying to comprehend. "But—do ye say—you don't want a hearing?" "Of course we don't want a hearing! And we'll pay you. The tiara, as Manning says. Take that." "Why?" She was bewildered. "Miss Timms, I beg you not to waste our time by playing the dunce," Manning said. "If you agree not to contest a nullification of the marriage, then we are prepared to let you keep the tiara." Maddy sat still, gazing at him. "It can be nullified?" "Indeed it can. And will be, whether you like it or no. Your only decision is whether or not you wish to be sensible and take what you're offered, or make us wrest it from you by force." "I had not thought... " She stared into space. Her voice dropped. "But—can it be nullified—" She moistened her lips. "After... " "Ah! The lady blushes," Manning said unpleasantly. "The more fool you, then. Did you think a consummation would protect you? The marriage was illegally conducted. It was induced by fraud. The duke was not in his right mind. It can be nullified." "But you see, you save us going into all that, if you will cooperate," Stoneham said. "If you will agree to an annulment, say, on the grounds of non-consummation, it's all much simpler. None of this hearing business." "And if you're breeding, which I may sincerely hope for your sake that you're not," Manning added, "a stipend can be privately arranged for the child. It's better than you will get in the other circumstance." She stood up suddenly, walking away from them, from their falsehoods and terms and manipulations. She saw herself in the cheval mirror and stood looking at the silver, unfamiliar figure there. "Ye would not have a hearing, then," she said, and the stranger in the mirror seemed much more confident and sophisticated than naive Maddy Timms. "Are you looking for certain safety from the law, madam?" She stared at the silver figure, and turned. "If I am to agree to a nullification, I must know that there is to be no hearing. Ever." "You have our word on it," Stoneham said eagerly. Maddy looked at him and at Manning's sturdy belligerence. They were not Friends; she could not trust them. "I'm not decided. I will consider it," she said. The ball gown swished around her as she turned to leave. Manning caught her arm. "You haven't long, madam," he said. "My patience with this situation is worn quite thin." She pulled herself free of him, moving toward the door. "And don't think to try to spirit him away again," Manning said behind her. "I warn you—you'll catch cold at it this time." Christian couldn't find Maddy. As he worked around a chattering couple by slipping into the recess of the bay window, he paused. He looked down at a man standing below in the light of a streetlamp. Christian's hand closed convulsively on the drapes. He flung himself back, ramming into a guest behind him. The man began to apologize, but Christian muttered, pushing away, walking into the crowd. It was the Ape down there. Christian was having trouble breathing. He plunged through the guests, ignoring the commotion. At the top of the stairs, he grabbed a footman. "Outside! The man... shaved... " The servant blinked at him in confusion. "Your Grace?" "Rid of him!" He gave the man a shove toward the stairs. With a look of uncertainty, the footman bowed. He turned and descended. Christian watched him go out, then pushed back to the window. He looked down. The liveried servant stood talking to one of the guests' coachmen. The man shrugged. No one else stood on the walk. A hand descended on Christian's shoulder. He jerked and swung around on his assailant in berserk reflex—saw it was a Whip MP and barely controlled his reaction in time. The man smiled and waved his glass of champagne, launching into a voluble discourse on Catholic emancipation. Christian stared at him, unable to master a word. He glanced past the politician and saw the blood-man's back, familiar Quaker coat, terrible—pausing for an instant by the far door, and then passing on through, lost in the crowd. The politician hesitated, squinting at Christian. "I say. You look jolly queer, my man. Do you think we had better open this window?"
In the cold dimness of the duke's stable, a row of eight perfectly-matched shapes marked the hind stockings of the new team. The horses shifted, with alert chinks and deep draughts of air, scenting the intruder as Maddy paused, adjusting from the ball noise and the shadows of the garden court to this deeper darkness. The material of her dress caught what small light there was, shimmering. She took her skirt up in her hands and walked to the coach at the end of the aisle, then turned and walked back again, trying to be sure, to find the Light and certain answers. It was only another sign of how far she had strayed, that it was so hard to reach a state of inner calm, to listen for the still, small voice. She had lost the way of it; for a long time, she hadn't been to Meeting, she hadn't prayed: she knew she had not even really tried. All those nights of worry had been only that—worry, and misery, and wishing that things were not what they were. All willful stubborn resistance to the Truth. She did not belong here. She had stayed—why? Richard had begged her to leave, her own elders had hinted that she might return—and still she was here. Because Jervaulx needed her. Because they had made the marriage irrevocable. But he did not need her, and the marriage was not irrevocable. Gradually the arched windows looking out on the alley took shape. The rumps of the cream ponies made dim pale shapes—beyond them in the row two stalls stood black and empty. As her vision grew sharper, she could see the faint gleam of the town carriage, and the other vehicle beyond that. Something brushed up against her skirt and made her jump, but it was only a cat, purring loudly. Marriage that was no marriage—a wedding that had been a farce, a trick; quick anger rose in her and she pulled the opal ring from her finger. It had never left London, Fane had admitted—and Maddy remembered, vividly, Jervaulx saying that he'd just given it to the colonel before the ceremony. Lies and falsehoods. Hired yokels, to pound at the door! To make her think he was in danger, to use her, to ruin her life because he thought of no one and nothing but himself. He had needed her then, that badly. She stopped at a window and stared out into the mews. The other stables were dark at her level, the only light falling down onto the cobbles in misty squares from the grooms' quarters on the floors above. The marriage could be nullified. She might go home. She might even do him a service by it—removing the terrible stain on his sanity of marriage to a Quaker. They promised no hearing, ever, if she left him. She had felt the hate in Manning—perhaps she would draw it away with her, the way a fox drew the hunters from her young. She paced the aisle again, past the stolid rumps of the horses. She could not trust those men. She could not take their word. That much Jervaulx's world—Jervaulx himself—had taught her well. She remembered the night she had left him here, and grown more uneasy every mile until she had turned her back on her father and returned here to find Jervaulx cornered by them. Surely that disquietude had been the clear voice of God in her heart, telling her what she must do. If she were not here, his legal wife, what was to stop them from trying that again? But if she was not his legal wife, then what was to stop them anyway? How could she ever leave him, knowing what they could do, by force or by law or by guile? How could she stay? She pressed the ring between her cold hands, and lifted them to her mouth. How had she come to this—that she loved him outside of all reason and right? Elias Little could tell her. It was because she had run out of the Truth into self-will and carnal temptation. She had not turned to Friends, she had not listened to Richard's counsel at the coaching inn, she had always and ever taken the part of a wicked and worldly man. But he needed her. But he didn't. Outside, a new lamp flared, and the rumbling scrape of a door brought the stable across the way to life. Voices spilled into the alley, and the wide door stood open to a vacant carriage-house. A figure that had been invisible sprang into view at the edge of the light and moved into the shadows again, the hooded and shawled outline of a woman. Maddy watched through the window for a moment. "What d'you want?" one of the grooms called toward the shadow, and got only a muffled negative in reply. "Move along, then," he said. "Our rig's back." There were always ragged people and beggars in the square; it was one of the painful ironies of this place, something that Maddy had not directly confronted. She felt her failure sharply now, a convenient blindness thrown in high relief against the background of the ball, the laden supper table and the drunken laughter. Iron hooves echoed in the alley. The returning carriage clattered down the cobblestone, activating a quiet bustle. Coach lamps reflected against the upstairs window panes while the driver backed and cornered his pair with a seasoned deftness. When the vehicle was angled halfway toward the door, the footman swung down from behind. He took a lamp from its bracket, carrying extra illumination to the grooms who efficiently unharnessed the team. The frosty puffs of their breath mingled with the horses' steam. One by one, the grays were led off. The grooms came back to grab the shaft, and with a low call and a running heave, pushed together to roll the carriage in. The footman made a quick check around the cobblestones with the lamp, throwing brief light on the beggar woman's silent figure. He didn't seem to notice her. His breath shone bright for an instant as he turned inside and gripped the door handle. The big barrier rumbled closed. The alley lay dark and silent, with only the murmur of the party drifting out over the barren cobbles. Maddy stood at the window. All the heated blood of her pacing had cooled; she shivered even in the shelter of the stable. Though she could not see the beggar, she was powerfully aware of the woman standing invisible in the shadows. Taking a deep breath, Maddy rubbed her cold arms. She unlatched the stable door and let herself out into the alley. The woman rose, coming toward her instantly, as if she had been waiting. "What am I to do?" she asked. Maddy halted, startled at being addressed so boldly. "Art thou hungry?" she asked, standing a few feet away. The hooded figure came forward. She too stopped, with an equally shocked expression: a girl much younger than Maddy had expected, with fresh plump cheeks and redrimmed eyes. "Oh," she said, dropping a quick curtsy. "Forgive me, mum. I didn't mean—I thought you—I was told to wait here. Excuse me." She shrank back toward the dark, clutching her bundle close to herself. "Art thou hungry?" Maddy asked again. "Wilt thou come into the kitchen?" "Oh, no, mum! I was told not to come in!" Maddy moved forward, puzzled. "Thou needn't fear me. I'm—I am the mistress here. If I say it is all right for thee to come, then it is." The girl suddenly stopped her retreat. "Oh, mum—you're the housekeeper?" she exclaimed in vast relief. She dropped a curtsy again and came close, holding out a note, still clasping the bundle tight against her. "If you please, mum, I was told to go here, and say to His Grace that the parcel from Mrs. Sutherland is come." Maddy took the note. It was not sealed; the girl held the paper out open to show her the writing. Send the parcel to me, it said, in his conspicuous hand. "Oh," Maddy said. "Well, then. Thou must bring it in. There is no need to wait out—" A low wail issued from the bundle in the girl's arms. She hiked it up onto her shoulder, crooning softly, and glanced up at Maddy with an apologetic smile. For one moment, Maddy stood motionless. She felt as if she were hung at the top of a great fall—not thinking—not breathing. Then she whispered, "From Mrs. Sutherland?" The girl curtsied. "Yes, mum." Maddy began to shiver. The cold suddenly took hold of her. She clutched her arms around herself. "A parcel? Is that the parcel?" Her voice was shaking hard. "Is that—the parcel?" "Yes, mum." She smiled again, with a tinge of sadness. "Aren't they awful, the nobs, to call it so? It's a sweet little girl. I'm wet nurse—I lost me own boy two months back." This simple confession broke the dream-like suspension that held Maddy. The fall began, the real fall, a plummeting, nauseating descent into comprehension. Eydie. Mrs. Sutherland. They had been lovers. They had a child. "Are you all right, mum?" the girl asked. Maddy blinked. She could not stop the shivers that racked her. Water had come to her eyes. She saw the girl through a slur of light and dark. "I'm all right," she said, in a ghastly voice. She cleared her throat. "I'm all right." They had a baby; he had done—with her—with Eydie... All his kisses. He knew so much; he knew everything—and Maddy, besotted, bewitched—she had thought it wicked to keep a lock of hair and a miniature. She'd been blind. She was blind and dazzled and utterly lost. She heard the fragile whimper of the child and instead of righteous repugnance felt only a surge of love and pain and misery that drowned her—because it was his, because it belonged to him, and she loved even dishonor and iniquity if it was his. "You're colder than us, mum, shakin' so. Should we go in, then?"
With a clash like a fire alarm, the stable bell began to ring madly. Maddy and the girl both leaped back as lanterns flashed and grooms seemed to come running from everywhere. The baby began to wail. Behind the girl, a sharp blaze of light appeared at the end of the alley. A pair of horses came trotting under the arch, their riders emblazoned in scarlet and gold, carrying torches, posting ahead of a coach that wheeled smartly around the corner. The coachman was seated on a sumptuous blue and purple hammer-cloth: bewigged and epauletted, royally turned out. The king had come. On the front walk, Christian was in a silent tumult, elated and distracted, supporting His Majesty's painful progress from the curb to the stairs. Christian was on one side—and Wellington on the other. Wellington, for the love of God. Christian found himself in the middle of politics—he might use the king; so the king might use him. Christian hadn't spent much of his concentration on the newspapers, but he'd followed enough to know that strong currents were running, and likely to sweep the present ministry away. And there was no other interpretation for a public healing of the breach between George and the Iron Duke than to pave the way for Wellington to assume the premiership. They chose Christian's ball to advertise it, a stroke of brilliant luck, but he had no time for contemplation. He'd no idea where Maddy had gone—she ought to have been at his side to greet the king at his carriage—she ought to be here now at the door—she ought to be here—God damn her, where was she? George got one swollen leg up onto the second step, gripping hard on Christian's left arm. Wellington on the king's other side took his turn, bracing His Majesty's all-too-majestic bulk. The strong scent of hair oil rose from the shiny curls of George's nut-brown wig, mingling with the heavy perfume of his pocket handkerchief. Christian turned his face away for a covert breath of cold fresh air, and then glanced up. Heady relief flooded him. She was there, standing in the open doorway, with Calvin and a pair of tall footmen behind her. The tiara flashed; her cheeks were red spots in white, her lips absolutely bloodless. He hoped to God she wasn't going to faint. He grinned at her, to give her courage, and looked down to his work without waiting for a reaction. The royal attendants swarmed forward, and he lost her as they reached the door and George stepped through. The king patted Christian's arm. "Thank you, thank you, dear boy. I can make a go of it from here, eh? Where's my stick?" The king leaned on his cane. There were guests in the hall—those who knew they had the entree had taken initiative to come downstairs. George shook hands all around, with every sign of pleasure, while Calvin and the footmen kept him discreetly steered toward the room prepared for him. Christian could hear the reaction to Wellington. It rose up the stairs like a breaking wave, turning a dull rumble to a roar. Hang 'em. Hang 'em all—the Ape and the blood-man and Manning and his family. Wellington stood back from the king while His Majesty was occupied. Christian, no favorite of this high Tory warhorse-hero, felt himself raked by those famous bright blue eyes that had assessed whole battlefields at a glance. The Iron Duke bowed. "His Majesty commanded me to attend him tonight. I hope it's not an imposition?" Christian offered his hand. "It is... an honor," he said, and meant it. He saw the other man's quick perception of his speech. "I'm different," he added bluntly, judging that Wellington, with his ear in the upper reaches of government, would be no stranger to Christian's debacle in the Lord Chancellor's office. He gave a slight dry smile. "You of all... know trial by fire... changes." Wellington gave him a hard, quizzical look as they shook hands. Christian endured it. He'd won through his own particular inferno—he didn't reckon he had to look away on account of his politics. Wellington lifted his brows. "Any hope of a change in your liberal opinions?" Christian shrugged. "Wrong fire." The commander snorted. "You're your own man, at least. I give you that." He smiled grimly. "A visage de fer. It's the only choice in life, eh?" Christian opened his hands, indicating the ball around him—his own face of iron. Wellington, no fool, inclined his head with a look of acknowledgment. He put his hand on Christian's shoulder and gripped hard before turning back to the king. George had made the parlor and sofa at last, sinking down with a creak of corset stays. He called to Christian, smiling like a rosy-cheeked obese cherub. "Won't you bring your duchess to us?" Christian turned. Maddy had been hanging back near the door, half hidden among the guests and court attendants while Lady Conyngham and Knighton were seated. He held out his hand. Maddy did not look up at him, but came forward and stood before the king. The hum of conversation in the room grew quiet. "Archimedea," Christian said. "Duchess of Jervaulx." She offered her hand, without nodding or curtsying. "I welcome thee here," she said gravely. George gave a burst of a laugh. "My dear! A Quaker indeed! They had told me so, but I could scarce believe it." He took her hand, kissed and then held it. "I've a great fondness for your people, a very great fondness. Good, kind, honest people. Schools. Bibles. Banks. You are a credit to them." In a small, steady voice, she said, "I must tell thee that I am not esteemed a Friend any longer." He patted her hand. "Your marriage, is it? Ah, me—the principles of religion are sometimes a weight upon us, are they not? But you have a consolation in this fine husband of yours." He looked past her at Christian. "You must remember my friendship, dear boy. I am at your service whenever you choose to call upon me." Christian bowed. It was only with an effort that he kept himself from laughing out loud in elation. The king... and Wellington. Damn their eyes—let them try to touch him now. He opened the ball merely by taking Maddy to the head of the room, bowing to the guests and to her, and signaling the maestro to begin. The deuce for excuses and explanations. The whole world could think what they pleased of a duchess who did not dance. There was a moment as they walked off the ballroom floor, while the sets were forming and everyone turned toward the dancing, that Christian found himself and his wife unobserved in the stairway hall. He was so full of success that he gripped her ice-cold hand in his, drew her to him and kissed her amid the sweep of music. He inhaled night air, an island of crisp cleanliness in the heavy, perfumed atmosphere. She had not once looked directly at him, but he didn't care; he felt crazily invulnerable now; he felt that nothing could go wrong. For a grim moment it seemed he'd been mistaken. She was stiff, repulsing him with a sharp withdrawal. He let go of her. She stepped away and looked back at him, his Maddygirl, his sparkling wise Athena, silver and beautiful to him even in her astringency. She stared at him through the lashes that turned her green eyes to gold, chaste and sensual at once, setting the current moving fast and hard in his blood. "I love you," he said under his breath, the words riding the music. He knew she could not hear them. He didn't want her to hear. He didn't want her answer to it, not tonight, his night, when everything, even his flawed self, was a victory. "Thou wilt be safe now?" she asked, standing clear of him. Christian made no move closer. "The Ape... here," he told her. Her hands closed. She made a convulsive step toward him, and stopped. "The Ape," he said. "Doctor... from the madhouse. Calvin found them... skulk bastards... among the guests." Her body was tense, her hands white fists against the silver gown. He smiled slyly. "Arrested now. Trespassers. Thief." "Arrested?" Her eyes widened in stupefaction. "Cousin Edward—thou hadst him arrested as a thief?" "Chain up... toss in the watch house." His lip curled in satisfaction at the thought. "See how they like it." He could see that she wasn't entirely delighted; she was staring at him with an expression he could not interpret. He shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow... maybe a week... withdraw the charges. I'm a better man. For you. Let 'em go." Something in her face altered. The severity left her. She reached for him, embraced him, her hands rising up and pulling him against her as she lifted her mouth to his. Christian made a sound of excitement and pleasure, answering. She came into his arms with a willingness that shocked him, opened her lips and kissed him frantically, as if she had never done it before and never would again, as if there were no one to see, no one to stare. He forgot the ball and the music, lost himself in the feel of her, her body against his with a new urgency, a promise that he found himself hard pressed to postpone. "Maddygirl, Maddy... " He made himself set her away. He felt his own foolish smile, but he couldn't help it; he was so glad; happier than he ever remembered being in his life. She held her lower lip caught in her teeth, watching him intensely. She looked almost ill with the paleness and color flaming in her cheeks. "Soon," he said, touching her hot face. "First... get rid of the king." He ran his finger down her nose and kissed the tip of it. "Then only you... and me." She lowered her lashes. Without a word, she slipped her hand from his and turned away to descend the stairs. His Majesty, damn him, lingered until six. By that time Christian saw it all through a dizzying haze of exhaustion. He was exhilarated almost to euphoria: he didn't trust himself to do anything properly, but somehow, minute by minute, he got through. Maddy amazed him. A hundred times he looked at her and thought she was beautiful. In her silver simplicity, in her sober grace, she anchored him. He was proud of her: she hadn't curtsied before the king; she hadn't given up her integrity—she didn't fail her honesty or herself one inch. She even spent a half hour talking to Wellington, by God—no doubt canvassing him on the political disabilities of Nonconformists. The two of them were a pair, both so dignified and serious—she made Christian smile. He could look about him and see any number of women he might have had for a wife, but none he could imagine at his side through this. The devil that she could not dance. It only made her more unique. He kept watching for Manning and Stoneham, but never saw them. It didn't matter; it was only that he would have enjoyed seeing their faces. By dawn, when the last of the carriages rolled away from the door in the frigid light, leaving a house that smelled of stale wine and perfume, he wanted only to lie down and let blessed unconsciousness take him. He watched Calvin close the door and stoop to pick up a broken plume from the floor. Maddy had disappeared some time ago—for that he didn't blame her. He could hardly see his own hands, he was so tired. He climbed the stairs, past the salon where the extra staff had already arrived and begun sweeping. Another floor seemed almost too much, but the dressing room where he'd been sleeping for the past month was full of chairs and flowers. His valet appeared from the back stairs. Christian shook his head, dismissing the man. He leaned on the newel post and looked up. One more flight. And Maddy would be there, in the guest room. He wanted to lie down with her and go to sleep. Enough of the strange distance between them. That kiss. His pulse warmed. Tonight— Actually, it was morning. He smiled to himself, pulled his neckcloth free and climbed the stairs. In the upper hall, a fan of early light spread on the rug from the open guest room door. He hesitated outside it, trying to gather his muzzled wits. It seemed suddenly a little embarrassing, after so long, just to walk in upon her. Perhaps he could pretend that he'd forgotten to order two spare rooms made up. Perhaps he could just kiss her again—arousing thought—just take her down on the bed and kiss her. The spirit was willing, anyway. He heard a soft female murmur from inside. With an effort, he put his body in motion again, pushing away from the wall. "Maddygirl?" He looked in the doorway, a little sheepish, without excuse or rationale—not precisely one of the proverbial lords of creation. The guest room, fitted up in stylish feminine taste, was all sunny pink chintz undimmed by any use. In a diminutive puff of an upholstered armchair sat a girl Christian had never seen before. She held a baby—the source of the murmurs—that batted with awkward arms at the ribbons on the girl's cap. For a moment he had the odd sensation that he had walked somehow into the wrong house. The room was unfamiliar, the girl a stranger, and the baby... He gazed at them. "Damn!" he exclaimed, and went two paces into the room. On the bed lay a metallic shimmer of fabric, Maddy's ball gown, with the tiara and a sealed note atop it. He whirled on the girl. "What's the meaning... this?" The baby stopped babbling at the sound of his voice. The girl, who had not yet moved, moistened her lips and said, "The mistress told me to wait here for Your Grace." She rose, adjusting the child against her shoulder, and curtsied. "This is the little girl, sir. Mrs. Sutherland left yesterday, and said I was to bring her to you." Christian grabbed the note and ripped it open. His right hand was awkward, shaking; he tore the paper half down the middle and then couldn't seem to get the parts together. He couldn't make his brain decipher it. He heard himself making distraught noises and swallowed against the panic, leaning over the dressing table, smoothing the page flat, but the words just slid and tilted as he looked at them. Christian. He read his name. He saw letters that said things, things he didn't want to hear. I must leave thee now. It was wrong. Thy world, the wedding, illegal, nullify. Thy daughter. He closed his eyes, hanging his head over the note. All his breath had left him, like a great blow to his chest. "Go... out," he said. "Next room. Away. Go away." "Yes, sir." The girl passed him quickly. He heard a door open and close. Maddy, he thought. Maddy, Maddy... Christian yanked the bell-rope. He would go after her. Bring her back. Explain. He started out of the room to the stairs, slamming the door behind him. In the other room, the baby instantly began to wail. The sound stopped him dead. He had a wild thought that it was all a mistake, that Maddy must listen to him if he could say that it was a mistake. The baby was Eydie's; she ought to have taken it, but there'd been this misunderstanding—unfortunate—unfortunate—misunderstanding. He threw open the bedroom door. The girl looked up wildly as the baby's howl burst on him. "I'm sorry!" She shifted the child in her lap. "I won't let her cry! She's very good, Your Grace!" Her look of terror made him halt on the doorsill. Just as abruptly, the wail ceased. The girl had the infant supported, sitting halfway up against her, revealing the small face. The baby whimpered. A pair of tear-filled button eyes gazed at Christian, fixing him with anxious concern. Its forehead puckered in a tentative question, like some omnibus passenger who's just got down and found himself stranded at the wrong stop. And with an uncanny sting of recognition, a revelation, Christian saw his own self. Not in the round, featureless infant face, the indistinct thatch of hair; not in the physical shape of it that could have been any baby in any random cradle. What he saw was that small worried bafflement: the dawning knowledge that the world was a strange and capricious place, the slightly foolish, helpless sensation of having perhaps just walked into quicksand. He knew it, that feeling. His hand opened. He let go of the door and took a step nearer. The round, unblinking eyes followed his motion with ardent perplexity. The baby gazed at his shirtfront and his black coat, regarding him as if he were an object of great but unfathomable importance. She looked up into his face. And then her sudden smile broke out glowing, the way a lover would turn to discover him in a crowd. You're here! The silent message lit her up like a candle, caught him up instantly in it too. At last you're here! The infant arms flailed, and she began to coo excitedly. Christian backed away, shocked at the sensation that seized him. "The deuce take you," he said low, and the baby laughed at him. "Sir?" His valet's voice behind him made him jerk around. With a wrench, Christian focused on the man. "Duchess... " He realized that he would have to suffer the whole house knowing. Anger rose in him. "When she left! Find out." "Your Grace—the cook said that Mistress departed through the kitchen two hours ago, and forbid anyone to follow her." Christian knew where she'd gone. To her Quakers—the dark thee-thou sobersides who'd been here yesterday. Or to Richard Gill. Silent violence exploded inside him. Let her go, then! Let her go; let him have her. Christian struck the door with his forearm, sending it slamming back to the wall and bouncing off. The baby began to wail again. "Hush, hush," the girl urged, and it screamed louder. She stood up and hiked it onto her shoulder. The infant kept howling. "She'll quiet when she's put down," the girl said over the wails. "If I could just put her down somewhere. I've been carrying her all the night." "Put down then!" Christian waved at the bed. "There." He reached for the bell-rope as she obeyed him. This baby, this damnable baby—Richard Gill—Maddy... Maddy... she wouldn't have to put up with the Mule's by-blows, would she? Pious prick, he wouldn't know how to— Christian flushed with rage, thought and image freezing him. His; she was his wife. He wouldn't suffer Gill to touch her. He yanked the bell-pull. "My cloak," he snapped at his valet. "Call up the carriage." Beneath one of the long arched showrooms of Butterfield's Lambeth nursery, flanked by rows of potted flowers, Christian stood waiting, his foot propped on the end of a bench. He leaned on his knee, slapping his riding whip lightly against his leg as the Quaker came toward him down the length of the greenhouse. Gill stopped. Christian did not straighten, only looked at him sideways. The last echo of the gardener's footsteps died away down the arched cavern. He returned Christian's look with a restrained, slightly questioning expression—no triumph, no defiance—and Christian knew she was not here. He dropped his eyes, his fingers loosening on the whip. With the tip of it, he nudged between the blossoms of the pink-and-white carnation, staring in silence at the petals. He had a great urge to cut the whip across, snapping the blooms off all the flowers in reach. He did not do it. He put his head down and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "She has left thee," Gill said. Between his fingers, Christian saw only the black silk of his full dress against a background of gay peppermint-striped petals. He moved the whip, stirring the foliage. He thought that the scent of humid soil and carnations must make him ache with shame and anger for the rest of his life. "She has not come to me," the Quaker said. "Does thee know what Meeting she attended?" Christian shook his head. "I can learn," Gill said. "I will send thee notice that she is safe, if thou wish it." Christian felt himself left outside a high wall, the gates closing, dark-coated sober figures drawing them shut against him. Maddygirl, he thought helplessly. Maddy. She had gone through of her own will and left him here. He could not learn her ways, he could never be the man she would esteem; evidence enough of that wailed at the top of its lungs in his guest room. His life repelled her—it was this serious God-fearing gardener, this plain modest pursuit of virtue that she wanted. He looked at Gill and thought: you will never make her laugh, will you? You'll be kind and constant and wise—wiser than I am—and she'll respect you. Damn you. Damn you. A better man. Christian threw back his cloak and stood straight. He turned away. He stopped as he pushed open the door, holding the whip and his hat in his hand. "She's afraid of thunderstorms," he said, something that Gill might never find out for himself. And ghosts, he thought as he stepped into the early frost—but he did not give Richard Gill that hint. Full morning shone through the crack in the guest room curtains, casting a bar of bright light across the bed and the pillows that bolstered the baby. Christian leaned one hand on the bedpost. He glanced at the girl sitting in the corner, noticing for the first time how weary she appeared. "Eaten?" he asked her softly. "I nursed her and cleaned her just a half hour ago, sir." He hadn't even thought of that. "You... I meant." She said quietly, "Last night. The mistress bade me eat when we come in." "Go down now." "Oh, sir—I can't leave her alone." "I'm here." "You, sir?" In the darkened room, she looked more than a little dubious. "Ten minutes," he said. "Eat!" She dropped a bow and scurried to the door. Christian closed it. He went to the foot of the bed and stood looking down at the infant as it lay in the middle of the bed on its back. He'd wakened it; the small arms waved, and a whimper bid fair to become a cry. Arrangements. Scotland. He'd have to write the Sutherlands. It made him tired to think of it, trying to write. It made him tired just to stand up. The girl seemed responsible; perhaps she could be paid to escort the child. The whining sound it made rose, like a creaky door, and it began to bawl in earnest. He shoved away from the bed and went to the curtains, pulling them closed, so that the bar of bright light vanished. In the deeper darkness, the baby still cried, not screams, but a forlorn baaing sort of sound, like a sheep out on the hills. It had only the girl's shawl overtop it. He thought the room was cold without a fire and shrugged out of his coat. As he laid it over, the button eyes turned toward him. The crying stopped, replaced by that pucker of befuddled worry. He stood back, and it began to sob again. Fed, clean, warm: he didn't know what the devil more an infant required. Picking up, perhaps—not that he was going that far. He should have called another maid; he wanted to lie down before his body and his brain collapsed in weariness. He thought of leaving it here—it looked safe enough. He could lie down in the bed next door. The girl would be back in a few minutes. It just kept crying: long, fragile, lost-soul sobs. He leaned over it again, trying to see if there was something truly wrong or if this were only some female trick that they all knew from the cradle. It looked at him, weeping as if the whole world were just too miserable to bear. The bed gave beneath his weight, and he sank down onto his elbow. The baby closed its mouth, staring at him with hope and small hiccups. "Jesus," he said. He lay down on the bed, pulling the pillow under his head, and drew the whole bundle of coat, shawl and infant up against his shirt. A tiny hand closed tight on the lace. One sob erupted, and then changed mid-breath to a soft sigh. Women, he thought sardonically, sinking in the bedclothes, with sleep revolving and closing in his head. He moved one finger, feeling a cheek as soft as down. What's your name? Ask the girl. Remember that... Maddy... It was wrong. I must leave thee now. Don't cry. Don't cry, little girl... I'm so tired. I never deserved you, did I? Maddy... but I loved you. I always loved you.
Elias Little had fetched Papa back. It was not thought advisable for Maddy to go on the journey or be brought into contact in any way with the world she had left. She submitted herself to the wisdom of Meeting, living retired with the Littles in Kensington until the sublease of the Chelsea house should fall in and she and Papa could return home, for it was conspicuously apparent that they would never be welcome with Cousin Edward again now that he'd finally been released from his ignominious imprisonment. Her father was very subdued. In earlier days, Maddy would have thought he was unwell, he was so quiet, but she knew it was the havoc she had made of his life and her own that oppressed him. He did not even speak much to Elias; almost as if they were somehow set at odds after a lifetime of fraternity. When the solicitor came to consult upon a nullification of the marriage, it was Elias and Constance who sat with her through the ordeal of explanation. Papa did not even enter the room. The most difficult part was that she could not do as Jervaulx's brothers-in-law had wished and say that the marriage had not been consummated. The case must rest upon the irregularity of the marriage itself and the fact that neither side would contest a nullification. Maddy was aware that letters were sent and attorneys advised, but she saw none of them. Elias and the elders directed the worldly business; she had only one task—to write her letter of condemnation of her actions. It was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life. She had not wept; since the moment she had left Belgrave Square, she had not—but when she sat down with pen and paper, everything went to a blur and she could not even see to write. She had attempted it several times, waiting until she felt herself more steady, closeting herself in the late afternoon, rising early in the morning—she even went to write it straight from the silent hours of mid-week meeting for worship, and drenched the paper with the most copious tears of all. At dinner that night, Elias carved the roast. "I was visited by the solicitor today," he said, lifting a piece of meat onto Maddy's plate before he passed it back to her. "He has received firm word that the Duke of Jervaulx does not desire to lay any obstacle in the way of canceling the error." That was how they spoke of it, as "the error." Maddy looked down at the food on her plate. No one said anything else. She picked up the old steel cutlery with its white horn handles and pushed a bite of meat onto her fork. But she could not eat it. The plain life, the simple waiting upon silence and God—she fit into it so easily again, helping Constance with the washing, attending worship, accompanying the older woman on her visits to the sick and the troubled. Everything was simple: it was right to rise early, work hard, speak little; wrong to be lazy, dishonest, creaturely. Wrong to think about him. She felt at home, and yet remote from home. She did not miss the servants, the carriages, the gilt and rich furnishings—she did not even miss the pretty dresses, when she thought of how ill she became them compared to the bright-plumed ladies who had danced in Belgrave Square. She only missed one thing, and that was a part of her soul left behind. In strange irrational moments, she would suddenly find herself imagining that she ought to help him to button his waistcoat, that he would want her to write out his letters—things he hadn't even needed done for him since her arm had healed. She heard footsteps on the stairs and her head lifted—but they were never brisk enough, impatient enough. She pressed her fingers over the filigree ring—a small stolen treasure, her one theft. She walked the hedgerows and stopped and hugged her arms around herself, her face turned upward to the winter sunset and to him—as if he were there, as if she could feel him again, just once again. But he did not desire to lay any obstacle in the way. She took the bite of roast and made herself swallow. He had needed her, and now he did not. For a little while, their lives had crossed in time and place, and gone apart again. He was the Duke of Jervaulx. She was a scandal in her Meeting. She attended under a cloud of censure, one of them and yet not, her name an item of public interest in the newspapers, causing bitter humiliation to the Society. She was grateful that Elias and Constance and some other weighty Friends spoke on her behalf, testifying how she had been in fallacy but had turned from it, and would walk henceforth in the Light again. And everyone awaited her letter of self-condemnation. It was not a thing said aloud, but if the words she wrote were strong enough, if it showed a real and absolute longing to clear Truth, Friends might be convinced to relent in their disfavor and receive her wholly again into the Society. "How does thy work proceed, John?" Constance asked Papa. He rubbed his chin. "Slowly. It goes slowly in these latter days." Maddy said, "Thou hast not wished me to transcribe for thee." "I'm not certain that I intend to publish the paper." She turned toward him. "Not publish it?" "Maddy girl," he said quietly, "thou knowest that all the credit is not mine to claim." "Not all, but—" She stopped. "Shall I publish with his name connected? I had not thought thou wouldst like it." He smiled his sweet, sad smile. "And to tell truth, I have come across a complication in the proof that is beyond my ability alone." She bent her head over her plate. It was not fair. Papa had spent so long and worked so hard. It should not come to naught because of her mistakes. "Wilt thou have some of this savoy, John?" Constance changed the subject, helping Papa to the dish. "Friend Gill brought it to us this morning. He says that the sea-kale has come into the market, at a shilling and sixpence the basket." "I wish he'll find us some asparagus," Elias said. "Or grow it, alongside those flowers of his." Constance made a little smile. "Archimedea must ask him. He will do it for her." "Now, Constance," Elias reproved her gently. "Thou art beforehand." Constance, unrepentant, put some of the savoy onto Maddy's plate. "It will all be settled happily," she said. "I feel in my heart that it will." "Hast thou continued to write thy paper, Archimedea?" Elias asked. "Yes," she said, stirring the savoy aimlessly on her plate, cutting it across, and across again. "I am not finished." "We will pray together tonight," he said. "Perhaps that will help guide thee." "Yes," Maddy said. The error would be repaired. He did not wish to put any obstacle in the way of it. She remembered him at that last moment—she would never forget him—sly confidence, brilliance and command; stars and infinity, a world beyond reach. A bon chat, bon rat, below the phoenix rising. Self-possessed, audacious, sanguinary in his revenge. Like the good cat, lazy and playful, powerful and unforgiving, he turned the table and bedeviled his tormentors—tossed them in jail, almost let them free, withdrew and renewed allegations, had them up to face a grand jury before he liberated them again at his whim. Poor Cousin Edward, Maddy thought, would never be the same plump secure rat again. He was the Duke of Jervaulx. He had lovers. He'd defeated his affliction by his own strength. You come, he had said to her, so many times. She could almost hear his voice. But it slipped away from her even in imagination, the one last thread that tied her to another life. She would write her paper. It was time. With Elias and Constance after supper, she sat in the austere parlor and listened to the elder's deep resonant voice in prayer. She heard all the things that she should write. Afterwards, she wrote them, without tears. Christian sat with the post, flipping invitations one by one into the fire. He paused at a letter from Scotland and set it aside. He sat looking at it unopened on the desk. Then he broke the seal and read it. He rose, and went upstairs. In the yellow room, a cradle had the warmest spot, carefully screened from the grate. Jilly glanced up from it. "Oh, Your Grace—she's just woke up and all ready to see you." He nodded. The girl curtsied and left, quietly closing the door behind her. Christian did not go up to the crib. Instead he leaned against the bed, watching from a little distance. Diana had not noticed him: she lay on her back, kicking at her long linen shirt and playing with her feet. She now had a white embroidered cap and tiny beribboned slippers, collars and bibs, a silver rattle, a soft ivory brush and comb—all the proper equipment, he was informed by Jilly and the various females in the house. "Little girl," he said softly. She turned at the sound of his voice, something that she'd only just learned to do. The bewildered frown creased her forehead as she looked for the source. Christian walked to the top of the crib. She began to smile before he got there, breaking into frenzied batting with her arms and legs when he leaned over her upside down. She squealed with delight when he rubbed his nose against hers. Her fists banged his cheek and jaw. He twitched his head and made a sound each time she hit him, a game she seemed to find rousing. He pulled back and stood over her, offering his forefingers. She grabbed them immediately, arching her head back to look at him. "Cold in Scotland?" he asked her. She puckered up her forehead quizzically. "Warm clothes," he promised. "I'll send. Dresses. Money. Some pretty things." Toys for her birthday. He wondered if they would give them to her. He would not be able to write her or hear of her. They made that clear. He was to pay for her support, confidentially, and do nothing that would cause the family further embarrassment. It was the best thing, of course. The best thing for her. To stand aside, silent, as he was standing aside for the nullification of his marriage. That too, the best thing. He seemed to have become something of an embarrassment to everyone. He pulled his fingers from the baby's grip and went to the door. She turned her head, following his motion. The little pucker of uncertain worry clouded her face. The best thing. He looked back at her in dumb despair and silently closed the door. Twelfth Night came and went, with no cake or games. He found reasons to put off sending Diana: the holiday, the weather, the need for a few more warm clothes. She had a wardrobe that any femme fatale might envy, created by her own modiste, the cook's sister's cousin, in consultation with Cook and Jilly. Calvin had contributed a length of embroidered muslin that had somehow leaped into his basket while he was ordering the spring liveries. Durham brought blue ribbons, to match her eyes. Christian drove slowly down Oxford Street at night and made the carriage wait on him as he walked among the gaslights, buying shawls and wool and velvet. He did not want her to be cold. Above all, he did not want her to be cold. When it became obvious even to him that no infant could possibly make use of so many clothes at once, Jilly packed the lengths of fabric away in a trunk. Christian thought he ought to look into arranging for a post-chaise and escort for the journey north, and didn't find the opportunity. On a day in January, Calvin brought an unkempt boy into the library, where he stood chafing at his fingerless mittens while the butler said solemnly, "A Young Person, Your Grace, from the Lancasterian School, to speak to you." "Please sir," the boy said, before Christian had done more than lift his eyebrows. "I'm a monitor at the school. Friend Timms teaches us arithmetic. I'm to say from him that—" He closed his eyes to recite. "'I would ask a moment of thy time to scrutinize a problem. May I come to thee?'" The boy opened his eyes. "And if the duke says no, then I'm to beg pardon for Friend Timms and go right away, and if the duke says yes, he may come, then I'm to tell him that Friend Timms teaches on Fourth Day—that's Wednesday, sir—and Friend Timms can call after that in Belgrave Square at two; that's the only time he can come alone, and the duke will know why. And that's all, sir." He let go of a breath, relaxing his hands. Christian had been doing nothing, just sitting and watching the blank wall of the garden court. Inside him, a small bittersweet spark came alive. "You go the coach house," he said to the boy. "Look at the carriage. Remember it. Wednesday, at two o'clock... it waits near the school. You find. You take Mr. Timms to it... so it brings to me." "Yes, sir!" The boy bobbed his head. Christian felt nervous as a girl as Calvin ushered Timms into the library and got him settled. "You're well?" he asked, standing back aloof when the butler departed. Under the low brim of his beaver hat, Timms turned toward the sound of Christian's voice. "I am well in body," he said evenly. Christian could not tell if there was accusation in his tone. He worked the fingers of his right hand. The room seemed to grow heavy with silence. "And Maddy?" he asked, very low. Her father smiled faintly and shook his head. "I do not know." Christian walked to the desk where Timms sat and pulled up the chair on the other side. "What problem... do you want me to look at?" Timms had brought no papers or carved figures. He briefly described an equation so straightforward that Christian didn't even have to write it down. He suggested an obvious redefinition of the problematic variable. "Ah." Timms gave another faint smile, as if the answer were more ironic than pleasing. "Of course." Christian waited for the other man to present his real challenge. Timms said nothing. "You never came... only for that," Christian said at last. "I thought it might take a little longer," Timms said wryly. So Christian would have wished. He asked, "The paper goes... otherwise?" "I have not made progress," Timms said. "I fear I was much caught up in thy fine mathematical library at the castle, and indulged myself there." "Will you stay to dinner?" "I cannot. My daughter does not know that I am come here." Christian pushed away from the desk suddenly. He walked to the window. "She would be... angry." "Not angry, perhaps. I don't wish to distress her further." "Distressed?" He closed his eyes. "Tomorrow is Monthly Meeting. She's to read her paper there. Meeting has required that she send a copy also to the newspapers and thy friend Durham, that performed the marriage." Christian turned his head. "Her paper," he said. "What paper?" Timms rose, his hands resting lightly on the edge of the desk. "Come thee to Meeting, friend," he said, "and thou wilt hear." Maddy walked every morning with Constance to the workhouse, where they took food to the old ladies and the children. She went this morning just like any of the others, though it was the day of her disgrace, when she was to be censured in Meeting. Their route was along the back of the village, past fields and nurseries. Across a plot of winter-plowed soil, a strange image was visible well before they reached the institution, at the corner where the lane turned into the workhouse court. The jersey cow was tied to its barren tree, munching at a pile of hay: a daily sight on this spot. But today, in the middle of the dirt lane next to it stood two bewigged footmen in white livery, flanking the bizarre apparition of Lady de Marly seated in a gilded chair, her feet placed delicately upon a matching stool. A closed carriage waited beyond, completely blocking the way past. Constance only said, "What can this be?" and kept walking toward the waiting troop. Maddy's feet went slower and slower. She finally stopped, twenty yards from the barricade. "I think I must go back." Constance looked at Maddy, her round, soft face as tranquil as the jersey cow's. "It is only worldly persecution," she said, so calm that Maddy took courage. "We will simply walk on." They continued, coming closer to Lady de Marly, until Maddy could see the carved jade bottle of salts that lay in the old lady's lap. "How very touching." The aged voice rang clear and hard in the empty air. "We're going about our little charities, are we?" Maddy made no answer. She started to swerve past, but a footman stepped into her path. "We will speak, Duchess," Lady de Marly said. "Here and now, or at another imminent time and place." Maddy moved away from the footman. "I am not a duchess." "No. 'Twould appear you are a coward merely." The duke's aunt was wrapped in rich shawls, her lap covered by a fine woolen rug, her hands thrust into a sable muff. "Come, Archimedea," Constance said, turning to the side. "Why not let her listen?" Lady de Marly asked. "If I'm the Devil come to tempt her, is she not strong enough to resist?" "Thou art not the Devil, but only another trouble to her," Constance said. "She has trials enough to bear today." "No." Maddy was stung by the suggestion that anything Lady de Marly could possibly offer as temptation might be enough to overcome her vocation as a decided Friend. "Let her speak, then. She has nothing to say that will disturb me." "Jervaulx is not well," Lady de Marly murmured. Maddy turned quickly, her throat closing. "Not well?" Lady de Marly chuckled. "And you say I can't disturb you." Blood prickled in Maddy's cheeks. She felt it rush in her head, a beating fever that was too visible. "It is by the grace within her that Archimedea is concerned for the welfare of a fellow creature," Constance said. "Is it indeed?" Lady de Marly commented, with dry amusement. She leaned forward, adjusting a shawl behind herself in her gilt chair. "He's well enough, girl—well enough to damn my eyes for a meddler. I had to locate you on my own resources. You know what my interest is." She fixed Maddy with a penetrating eye. "Is there any expectation?" Maddy understood her. She thought of the "parcel," the bundle in the girl's arms, his own blood, left to bide in an alley. But such a child as that would not answer for what Lady de Marly demanded. "No," she said, briefly. Absolutely. The old woman gazed long at her. Then her mouth pursed, and she sighed. "Well, then. That is that, I suppose." "I am moved to speak Truth to thee," Constance said, with a firm pitch in her voice. "Whilst I earnestly desire that all blessings may come to thee and thine, I would have thee understand that this marriage was an ill-done thing. A terrible thing, to force Archimedea to wed out of unity. I would have thee know what courage it has taken, and will take, for her to return to her covenant with God." "Ah, yes." Lady de Marly nodded toward their baskets. "Carrying your little loaves and fishes to the poor." "Thou mockest what thou dost not understand." "No doubt you know God's mind better than I," Lady de Marly replied, "but I understand your Archimedea pretty well. She's no courageous saint." She looked at Maddy. "Are you, girl? Not at all. You're only afraid of the real task that God chose to set on your plate." She pulled her hand from her muff and groped for her stick, poking it at Maddy's basket. "This doesn't take much thought, does it? A kindly gesture, oh, yes—but does it put menfolk to work?" "It is for children, and the elderly. I have not the means to put men to work," Maddy said, "or I should do it." "Oh, you foolish girl. You foolish girl. You don't know what you had. You were too afraid to take your hands down from your eyes and look." She carefully set her feet on the dirt and pushed herself up. The footman moved swiftly forward and supported her to the carriage door. She stopped and turned back to Maddy, leaning on her stick. "You will feed—how many? Ten, out of those basins. Think of it, girl. When you might have fed ten thousand, if you'd only had the nerve." "Will you go to Brooks's with us?" Durham came up the stairs two at a time. He dangled a tiny mirror tied to a string. "For the ravishing Diana." He handed it to Christian, following him into the guest room. "The ladies like to get an early start on their toilette. What do you say? Fane's to meet me as soon as he's off duty." Christian tried out the mirror on Diana. She burbled and grabbed it. He played tug-of-war with her. "Not today," he said. "When?" Durham said. He strolled to the window and leaned on it, looking out. "Someday, do you think?" There was a definite you-can't-put-it-off-forever tone under his lightness. "Not today," Christian repeated. He looked sideways. "Durham. You had a letter from Maddy?" His friend ceased the restless tapping of his fist against the shutter. He didn't turn around. "Something... yes—I think I had something," he said vaguely. "Something?" "Some sort of letter. I don't know. Certain you don't want to go to Brooks's, old man?" "Tell me... what it said." Durham was still looking out the window. "A lot of spiritual this-and-that. Very Quakerly. I didn't really read it too closely." "Quakerly?" "Listen, it was a rubbishing letter. I'm off, if you don't think you'll come." "She reads it out today to Quakers. And it goes in... newspapers." Durham turned from the window. "Then, old man, I'd heartily advise you not to purchase a paper." His expression belied his flippant tone. Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he walked out of the room. "Come along to the club, if you should change your mind."
Christian had let himself in the door hardly knowing what to expect: an inquisition, a tribunal, some silent worshipful gathering. What he found was rather more like a restrained board meeting without a chairman. In the large stark room they sat on benches and took no votes; anyone appeared welcome to speak: clumping and shuffling echoed off the floorboards and the roof as members stood up one by one to intonate their feelings, and then at length someone would make a statement that drew general approval and it went down in the record. Christian had not sat, but remained by the door. The row of men on the raised dais across the front of the room had looked askance at him when he'd entered. None moved to evict him, but one continued to stare at him gravely—he recognized the head of the dour group who'd come to see her at his house. Christian stared back, not moving. There was only one female present. She sat alone on one of the forward benches, just below the dais, facing front—a white bonnet and shawl over black, anonymous. Finally a lull came in the meetinghouse, with only the scratch of the secretary's pen as he completed the latest minute. "Is Archimedea Timms in attendance?" a quiet voice asked. Christian felt a sinking scarcity of breath as she rose. He could not see her face, but she was shaking. From where he was, he could tell it. She stood with her head bowed, her back to the room. "Archimedea Timms," one of the men in the front gallery intoned, "thou hast been summoned here in the matter of thy marriage by a priest to one of the world, and certain other miscarriages. Friends have asked thee to clear truth by writing a paper of condemnation of thy actions." The congregation made a soft noise of agreement. "I ask thee now to read it out," someone said from the pews. Christian took hold of the framing of the door behind him, gripping it hard. With her head still down, she lifted the paper in her hands and began reading, her voice trembling and low, unintelligible except for the sound of it, a sound so familiar and sweet that he felt it like a physical ache. "Friend," a man in the back complained loudly, "thee must turn and speak clear." She was still for a moment. Then she turned to the room. "I do not doubt—" she said downward—and then, as if determining to face them truly, she lifted her eyes. Over the heads of the congregation, her look came instantly to meet his. Her lips had parted to speak, but she did not. Light from the high round windows fell down on her, white bloodless stillness. He looked at her, defiant. Say it, he thought. Say it to me, if you can say it to them. She seemed to lose the sense of things. Her gaze faltered away from him. She cast an unsteady glance back and forth over the rows between them, a hunted, searching look, as if she thought she would see something, as if she could not recall what she was to do. "Archimedea." The large, low-voiced man who'd visited her spoke. "Thou must go on." The paper lay in one of her slack hands, resting against her black skirt. She lifted it. It shuddered like a broken bird's wing as she looked down at it blindly. "I do not doubt—" she said in a shaking voice. She stopped and visibly gathered herself. "I do not doubt—it's being right for me to suffer—and I—am content that it should be so—" She raised her head and her voice came clearer. "—for it is awful to me, that though I have walked among Friends I was not one of them, for if I had been, I would never have done this thing—and if I had taken counsel of the Lord, or of Friends, I would not have done it." She wet her lips. Her words took on a new, higher quaver. "When I was in the steeplehouse before the false minister, I said there that I had received a charge from the Lord to love him, and I called him husband, but that was contrary to Truth, and when I was there I said I was his wife, but that was contrary to Truth, also." She was gazing now at a back corner of the room, a distant look, away from the paper, away from him. Tears began to slide down her cheeks. "I knew when I had done it that I had done a dreadful thing," she said, "and that I ought to disown it, and I told him so, but I had not the courage to act even when the Light from above seemed to beat upon me. The visitation was strong, but my will was stronger. I—" She paused. She was weeping openly, standing before them all, a single lonely figure with the paper slowly disintegrating in her restless hands. She pressed her lips hard together, and her gaze wandered up to the ceiling and down to the floor and everywhere but at anyone who watched her. "I went," she said in a slender voice, "to his house and lived in it an abandoned woman—" Christian made a sound, letting go of the wood and stepping forward, but she did not stop. "—among luxuries and selfish, earthly satisfactions and comforts, and even when I knew that I was not married in Truth, and was steeped in the sins of fornication and carnal pleasure, still my will was stronger, and I could not and would not comply with Gospel order, but ran further into the enemy's snare, and returned to him even as I tried to free myself by withdrawing to my father." Christian was shaking his head. He looked at her, willing her to look back at him, shaking and shaking his head no. "I have said often in my heart that I loved him, and that it must be Truth, but it was an illusion of imagination or the suggestion of Satan and not the blessed influence of the Holy Spirit," she said, going on relentlessly in that high quivering tone, "and I know that to be so because I had a sense that I was doing what I should not and when I saw Friends afterward I was ashamed to look on them." She stood with tears streaming. "And I am sorry. I am unworthy. I have disowned this thing I did and I beg Friends will not cast me off, for I have turned my back on him." She blinked, an empty look at nothing. "I feel deeply the weakness of my nature." She bowed her head. "And I wish now—to sink down in the light and live according to Truth." "Truth!" Christian exclaimed, the word ringing loud in the silence. He made her look at him at last, she and everyone else. He stood square in front of the door, out of place—dressed wrong, angry, humiliated—only Maddy was as human as he amidst the rows of sober faces. "Truth!" he shouted, staring at her, a mindless echo of himself, the only word that came. His voice went around and around the bare cavern of the room. Upon the gallery, the low-voiced man rose. "Friend," he said to Christian, "we feel a tender compassion toward thee, but we must inform thee that thou art out of the Divine Life, and an intruder upon this Meeting." Another stood, in the pews. It was Richard Gill. "We desire thee to depart." Christian gave a wild laugh. He walked down the center aisle and snatched the tattered sheet from Maddy's hands. "Who wrote this?" He held it before her in his fist. She looked at him as if he were a delusion, as if he spoke in some mad babble that she could not understand. Her expression enraged him. Blank scared pain, stupid weak, not you, not Maddygirl, lies lies lies! He glared back with the paper crushed in his hand, felt the Quakers behind him, saw her in front of him, standing there lying false pious speech wrong! Wrong! He had to tell her that. He tried to tell her and hit the wall—the bars, the jacket and chains and words throttled before they ever got to his throat, words imprisoned in his brain. It happened; he lost it; he'd known it would vanish when he most needed it. They were staring; he was a circus freak shrinking shriveling can't talk lunatic Quakers judgment thee thou stare! But in his furious desperation he held his ground. He stood there pulsating with shame and ferocity, breathing like a jungle creature, a miserable mad idiot standing in front of them. Quakers! Quakers pious Richard Gill! "Better!" The word slammed through, a shout. He spread his arms. "Look! Me! Can't talk sinner!" His voice battered the bare walls of the room as he pointed at Gill. "Think he's... better?" He sneered at the Mule. "Think you... so holy... deserve... my wife?" Turning his back, he lifted the paper toward the solemn men in the galley. "Who wrote this? You?" He brandished it at the sober faces. "Or you? Not her. Not her... say I'm—enemy." Christian shook his head and made a disbelieving groan. "Maddy... 'fornication'?" He was halfway between a laugh and tears. "I called it... love for you. Before God... love... honor... my wife... cherish all my days. I said it. Still truth, Maddy. Still the truth... in me, and always." She stared at him, standing straight and fixed. The tears dripped down her face. "Helpmeet!" he shouted at her, at the blank weeping facade of her. "God... a charge... love! No rule but love! Duchess!" Her lips moved. She moistened them. "Think... not?" he demanded. "Think you're a meek mild little Quaker?" His reckless laugh at that echoed to the rafters "Stubborn... self-will... pride opinionated liar! Won't curtsy to the king, damn you! Walk in madman's cell—head up... no fear... I could have killed you, Maddy. Killed you a hundred times." "It was an Opening," she whispered. "It was... you," he said. "Duchess. You... took me out of there. You married... duke. You said... no powder on the footmen." He pointed at the floor. "You tell me now—go down on my knees, and I will do it. The Devil's gift." His mouth curled. "Not pearls, flowers... gowns. Something unholy in truth. I give you... selfish arrogant bastard... what I am, and all I can do. I give you... my daughter... because I'll keep her... because I'll ruin her name to please myself... because only you—only you, Duchess... understand why I do it. Because only you... can teach her courage enough... teach her not to care... the scorn... what they say. Only you... can teach her to... be like you. A duchess." He opened his hand and let the paper fall to the floor. "A duchess inside!" With one sweeping fierce look at the rows of Quakers, he turned away and strode down the aisle. He stopped at the door and looked back. "I'll wait outside... five minutes!" he snarled. "You... come! Or never!" Across from the meetinghouse, in the shadows of a small churchyard—a tree and some old graves squeezed between buildings—Christian held to the railing. He was still shaking: the reaction had hit him the instant he'd walked out of the door, wild aftereffect, outrage and dread coursing through his veins. Traffic bustled in the street. Only the tiny churchyard and the meetinghouse stood without life and motion, facing one another like islands of hush amid turmoil. He waited much longer than five minutes. He waited, with diminishing hope, for full an hour, and then two, knowing he should go, knowing the futility of issuing stupid ultimatums, finally knowing that, foolishly, he was waiting for a glimpse of her—one glimpse—just one more before she was gone beyond his reach. Gripping the rail, he watched the traffic press on in a businesslike stream. A canvas-covered wagon lumbered along, drawn by two oxen, in no hurry, but plowing steadily forward. When it had moved past, he saw her standing on the steps of the meetinghouse. The iron points of the railing made blunt pain against his thumbs. No one else came out. He frowned, unable to be sure of her expression beneath the bonnet, only certain that she was alone. She seemed to search, turning to look up and down the street. He saw her descend the steps and walk toward him. A paralysis seized his limbs. He only watched her; he could not move or speak as she stopped at the curb, waiting for a gig to rattle past. She picked up her skirt and crossed the street. He pressed his palms down on the pointed shafts. The wrought iron separated him from her as she stopped on the walkway. She lifted her face. It was marked with tears, but without sadness. In the little dusk of the churchyard, the white brim of her bonnet seemed to catch the light and make her glow. A terrible uncertainty rushed over him. He let go of the railing and walked a few feet away, back into the churchyard. He didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear that the source of that illumination in her was an accord with her Quaker meeting. "The child." His voice came out harsh, echoing and alien in the narrow churchyard. "Eydie's and mine." He looked up at her with a curve of his lips that was not humor. "That is... what's called 'fornication.'" "Yes," she said, standing still on the outside of the railing. He felt a compulsion to tell it all, every skeleton in his cupboard, so that she could not say he was false again. He looked down on the faded lettering of a marble slab. "Sutherland... the family knows... she's mine. They don't like it, but they will... take her." He shrugged. "She has a pedigree. She does not ever... need to know." He smiled fiercely at the gravestone. "If I am the unnamed benefactor." He could not look at her. It was too hard. His shame—his mistakes—his sins. He had driven her away with them long before he had ever met her. She was luminous and calm, unworldly. The aura of tranquility about her made him bleed inside. "Thou wilt keep her?" "My daughter," he said bitterly. "My bastard daughter. As well brand her... by name." "Yes," she said. "But thou wilt keep her?" He bent his head. An unexpected strangeness gripped his chest. The lichens on the gravestone began to slide into the letters. He blinked and laughed. "I just think... 'she'll be cold, and they won't care.'" From where he stood the sound of traffic was like a distant grinding, queerly softened, as if from some other world. "I didn't know... it would be so hard." He wiped the heels of his hands over his eyes. "Maddy!" With a jar of the gatelatch, she came inside. She walked to the tree and stood before him, serene and upright, a fine ruthless angel. She would come to tell him, of course. She would not shrink from it or slip away quietly just to save him pain. "They will... have you stay a Quaker?" he asked dully. "Your paper passed?" "It was not Truth," she said simply. "And I have come to thee." The sound of everything still receded, falling away and away from him. "To me?" he repeated numbly. Her mouth took on a faint, wry curve. "Thou art my husband, and I am thy wife—helpmeet, with no rule but love between us." She touched his sleeve, lightly, like a schoolteacher's admonishment. "I will repeat that last part to thee every morning." He caught her hand, gripped it. The words in him were like birds dashing themselves against glass. "If thou wilt have me," she said at last in the silence, diffidently. "My paper—I stayed to rewrite it, and read it again, to speak the real truth—that we have no resource but our Lord and Master who speaks to our souls by His spirit, and He alone can determine for us what our service shall be—and when, and where, and how it shall be performed." Her fingers twisted in his. She lifted her eyelashes. "It's been longer than thy five minutes." He still had no command of himself, no way to answer but to go down on his knees and press his face against her body, with a groan that was yes and yes and I love you and are you sure? He felt her fingers push through his hair. She lowered herself, sitting on the marble slab, her hands on either side of his face. Her eyes were level with his. "Not Gill?" he asked painfully. "Not... better man?" She watched her hands as she smoothed his hair. When she didn't answer, he made a low miserable growl, shaking her slightly. "Thou hast not guessed it yet?" She smiled. "I fear I'm only good enough to be thy duchess." "You... make me... better." "Oh, I will try." She played with a lock at his temple. "But thou art the duke, a bad wicked man, and I love thee too well to make thee something different." "Bad wicked... idiot," he said wryly. "No," she said. "A star that I could only look up and wonder at. Thou perceivest my true covetous nature—I'm glad thou fell, and I can hold thee in my hands." He gave a hoarse laugh. "Tinsel... star." He looked down at her lap. "Don't deserve you, Maddy, but too... reprobate to give you up." "There," she said. "We are equal in selfish iniquity." He laughed again, ironically. "Not quite. Not quite, Maddygirl." He found his fingers locked with hers and the ambush of stinging heat in his chest and eyes. After a little silence, she said, "What is thy daughter's name?" "Diana." He swallowed and cleared his throat. "Diana Leslie Sutherland. The—her—family christened her." He shook his head. He was still staring at her lap. "Maddy. Do you understand how it will be? They will... look down. Talk about her. About you. They... will be cruel." She made a little disdainful flick of her fingers. "I will teach her how to care for such worldly trifles." He lifted his head. "Will you?" "Oh, yes," she said, with a peaceful certainty. A strained laugh escaped him. "Upside down, Maddy. You turn... my world upside down." She lowered her eyes. Her fingers found his again and slid between them. "And thee with me." She held their hands together. "I've been afraid of that. That with thy kisses, thou canst make me—wanton. And—jealous—and fearful that thou wilt not save them all for me." He looked at her pink cheeks, her lower lip worried between her teeth, and saw that she was serious. He leaned forward, his lips close to hers. "Maddy," he whispered. He brushed the corner of her mouth. Her hands gripped his hard. She turned her head and met his kiss with sudden greedy recklessness, unschooled and ardent. He pulled her toward him until their bodies pressed together and her legs enclosed him. He searched deep inside her mouth and felt her respond zealously, just as fervent in her passions as in her virtues, little thee-thou duchess. She made him smile—a hard thing to do in the midst of a highly erotic kiss. He had to break away and lower his face. Her back stiffened. "Thou art laughing at me!" she said, trying to pull her hands free. "Loving you." He retained them, grinning at her, changing his method to light butterfly touches of his tongue across the soft curve of her chin and cheek beneath her bonnet. "Kiss you." He caught the tie and tugged it loose, tossing the stiff cap away. "My love." He held her cheeks between his palms. "My sweet life. Three horses own—two coaches—velvet—chambers—cushions—bed... my kisses. All my kisses. All to be... for thee alone." Epilogue Having missed their Christmas dinner last year, the tenants of Jervaulx Castle appeared determined to double their celebration for this one, and the duke full glad to triple it. In the Great Hall, two days before Christmas, on a wooden floor put down over the stone, it was feasting, drinking, music, dancing, reveling and kissing from noon until half past midnight. Even Maddy was put up to dance, against her laughing protests, carried bodily onto the floor and left there in the center, with Jervaulx facing her. He led her through the stately steps of a quadrille with Durham and Lady de Marly, to music and vast merriment—but it was friendly laughter, growing to a roar when Jervaulx took her by the shoulder and the top of the head like a solemn puppetmaster and rotated her back from a turn the wrong way. At the end of it, he bowed to her. Maddy, with a shy smile, put out her hand to shake his. He accepted it gravely, and then pulled her up to him and kissed her, in the middle of the hall and everyone, with frenzied applause and music beating in her ears: a long, hard, branding kiss, a hot silence of their own amid the clamor. "Now," he murmured next to her ear, "we make... a graceful exit." She kissed her papa, and even got a peck on the cheek from each of the duke's family, his mother, his sisters—and from Lady de Marly a snapping complaint that it was high time the duke and duchess withdrew: Maddy had allowed this nonsense to go on much too long. They left her tapping her stick to the music and leaning over to Papa, informing him that he was old and ought to go to bed. "Come with me," Christian said to Maddy, leading her away from the staircase out the other end of the hall. Maddy went gladly. All the passages were lit with flaming torches, smoky and bright, until she and Christian came to the quiet apartment set aside as a nursery. He opened the door softly. Jilly sat up in the anteroom with a shielded lamp, all dressed and hopeful. She jumped to her feet and curtsied. Christian nodded at her, and she broke into a grin and curtsied again, hurrying out of the room to join the party. When she was gone, Maddy watched him look through the open door into the darkened bedroom beyond. She'd tried, in the past year, to live according to the Light, even amid the grandeur and luxury—and found in full Lady de Marly's meaning when she'd spoken of nerve and courage. It had not seemed difficult, on a small income, to know what was right to do. She'd kept enough for her and Papa to live upon, and what little was left—and it was little—went to collection at Meeting. Now, with so much, it was daily a decision: what was necessary, what was frivolous—one might dismiss half the footmen, but as Jervaulx noted dryly, he would then be paying for their support on the parish. It was so much gray—so little black and white; for a year she'd spent more of her time questioning herself and how she lived in Truth than she had done altogether in her life. She had her own projects, and the ones she had pressed upon Christian—his Good Works, he called them, winking at her as he wrote the checks—huge stunning checks that were a weight of responsibility she quailed under. But it was not all uncertainty. She had her one confidence: the service that she knew with every fiber of her heart she'd done as it had been meant to be done. Whatever the future, whatever the world might call disgrace—Diana was a gift, and if she grew up seeing what was in Christian's face as he looked in on her asleep, she would always believe it. He pulled the door closed to a crack and came back to Maddy. The distracted cast had vanished from his eyes somewhere in the year gone, so gradually that she could not tell when. He was not what he'd been, to his own agonized impatience—meaning, Maddy thought wryly, that what had used to take him a moment to analyze or say or decide now took him two—and he could only deal with one topic instead of several at a time. But he looked at her with full perception. She did not appear to confuse him at all as he carefully released the pearls in her hair and took down the braids. He drew his fingers in a whisper across her cheeks and down her bare arms. "I've seen this gown before," he murmured. "One ball gown is enough," she said firmly, as he worked at the hooks of the silver dress. "But think of the starving seamstresses." "Thou shouldst not mock. It's true that many starve." "So don't order a new dress," he said into the curve of her shoulder. "Just send them... some of my money." She put her hand against his cheek, feeling the hard shape of it. "Better that thou shouldst speak to the government and pass a law to see them fairly paid." He lifted his head. "Of course. I'll... pass a law. How simple... in the land of Free Trade." She smiled at him, tracing the faint scratchy groove of muscle from his cheek to his mouth. "I have some numbers from—" He put his face down against her throat and groaned. "We'll speak of it tomorrow," she said. He groaned again, slipping his hands up beneath her breasts, pushing her backward. Jilly's bed was narrow and soft. When he kissed her, she forgot gowns and laws. When he came into her she held him hard and close—this was hers, outside of all worldly concerns. This was sweet unity and kinship, her charge to love, strong and overflowing joy in every part of it. In the dawn of Christmas Eve day, the Great Hall was a disaster of littered benches, burned-out candles, fading mistletoe and dragging red ribbons. The Yule log still burned in the mammoth fireplace, warming a deserted room. Christian smiled at Maddy's exasperated face when she caught sight of Devil atop a long table, gnawing on a ham hock trapped between his front paws. Cass was demurely lapping at melted ice in the big silver wine cooler that stood in the middle of the floor. He whistled. Cass came, but Devil only looked up at him and went back to work. "What dog is that?" Maddy asked in surprise. Christian turned. On the hearth lay a huge staghound, its rough gray fur almost lost against the daylit silvery stone. He took her around the waist and guided her toward the staircase. "Just a dog." "I never saw it before." "It doesn't come in often." "Oh." She mounted the step, glancing back. "I suppose someone let it in last night. It's certainly a large animal." "A good dog," he said, following her. "Never bites. Loves children." "Ah. Maybe when Diana is a little bigger—" She yawned. "She could have it for a pony." Christian stopped, pulling her against him. He leaned back on the curving wall of the stairwell. As he bent his head to kiss his wife, he could just see beyond her to the hearth. The staghound rose. It stretched and turned to glance at him for a moment. He closed his eyes in the kiss. When he looked up, there was a flash of plumed tail disappearing from view: Devil's or Cass's or imagination, it was impossible to tell. But Christian knew. Maddy stood in his arms, her cheeks flushed, bemused and sleepy-eyed. She leaned her head against his chest and yawned again. He smiled down at her. He knew. A buffle-headed bad wicked man he might be—but he could recognize a miracle when he saw one.
Day 128, GC Standard 306
As she woke up in the pod, she remembered three things. First, she was travelling through open space. Second, she was about to start a new job, one she could not screw up. Third, she had bribed a government official into giving her a new identity file. None of this information was new, but it wasn't pleasant to wake up to. She wasn't supposed to be awake yet, not for another day at least, but that was what you got for booking cheap transport. Cheap transport meant a cheap pod flying on cheap fuel, and cheap drugs to knock you out. She had flickered into consciousness several times since launch – surfacing in confusion, falling back just as she'd got a grasp on things. The pod was dark, and there were no navigational screens. There was no way to tell how much time had passed between each waking, or how far she'd travelled, or if she'd even been travelling at all. The thought made her anxious, and sick. Her vision cleared enough for her to focus on the window. The shutters were down, blocking out any possible light sources. She knew there were none. She was out in the open now. No bustling planets, no travel lanes, no sparkling orbiters. Just emptiness, horrible emptiness, filled with nothing but herself and the occasional rock. The engine whined as it prepared for another sublayer jump. The drugs reached out, tugging her down into uneasy sleep. As she faded, she thought again of the job, the lies, the smug look on the official's face as she'd poured credits into his account. She wondered if it had been enough. It had to be. It had to. She'd paid too much already for mistakes she'd had no part in. Her eyes closed. The drugs took her. The pod, presumably, continued on. Day 129, GC Standard 306
Living in space was anything but quiet. Grounders never expected that. For anyone who had grown up planetside, it took some time to get used to the clicks and hums of a ship, the ever-present ambiance that came with living inside a piece of machinery. But to Ashby, those sounds were as ordinary as his own heartbeat. He could tell when it was time to wake by the sigh of the air filter over his bed. When rocks hit the outer hull with their familiar pattering, he knew which were small enough to ignore, and which meant trouble. He could tell by the amount of static crackling over the ansible how far away he was from the person on the other end. These were the sounds of spacer life, an underscore of vulnerability and distance. They were reminders of what a fragile thing it was to be alive. But those sounds also meant safety. An absence of sound meant that air was no longer flowing, engines no longer running, artigrav nets no longer holding your feet to the floor. Silence belonged to the vacuum outside. Silence was death. There were other sounds, too, sounds made not by the ship itself, but by the people living in it. Even in the endless halls of homestead ships, you could hear the echoes of nearby conversations, footsteps on metal floors, the faint thumping of a tech climbing through the walls, off to repair some unseen circuit. Ashby's ship, the Wayfarer, was spacious enough, but tiny compared to the homesteader he'd grown up on. When he'd first purchased the Wayfarer and filled it with crew, even he'd had to get used to the close quarters they kept. But the constant sounds of people working and laughing and fighting all around him had become a comfort. The open was an empty place to be, and there were moments when even the most seasoned spacer might look to the star-flecked void outside with humility and awe. Ashby welcomed the noise. It was reassuring to know that he was never alone out there, especially given his line of work. Building wormholes was not a glamorous profession. The interspatial passageways that ran throughout the Galactic Commons were so ordinary as to be taken for granted. Ashby doubted the average person gave tunnelling much more thought than you might give a pair of trousers or a hot cooked meal. But his job required him to think about tunnels, and to think hard on them, at that. If you sat and thought about them for too long, imagined your ship diving in and out of space like a needle pulling thread . . . well, that was the sort of thinking that made a person glad for some noisy company. Ashby was in his office, reading a newsfeed over a cup of mek, when one particular sound made him cringe. Footsteps. Corbin's footsteps. Corbin's angry footsteps, coming right towards his door. Ashby sighed, swallowed his irritation and became the captain. He kept his face neutral, his ears open. Talking to Corbin always required a moment of preparation, and a good deal of detachment. Artis Corbin was two things: a talented algaeist and a complete asshole. The former trait was crucial on a long-haul ship like the Wayfarer. A batch of fuel going brown could be the difference between arriving at port and going adrift. Half of one of the Wayfarer's lower decks was filled with nothing but algae vats, all of which needed someone to obsessively adjust their nutrient content and salinity. This was one area in which Corbin's lack of social graces was actually a benefit. The man preferred to stay cooped up in the algae bay all day, muttering over readouts, working in pursuit of what he called 'optimal conditions.' Conditions always seemed optimal enough to Ashby, but he wasn't going to get in Corbin's way where algae was concerned. Ashby's fuel costs had dropped by ten per cent since he brought Corbin aboard, and there were few algaeists who would accept a position on a tunnelling ship in the first place. Algae could be touchy enough on a short trip, but keeping your batches healthy over a long haul required meticulousness, and stamina, too. Corbin hated people, but he loved his work, and he was damn good at it. In Ashby's book, that made him extremely valuable. An extremely valuable headache. The door spun open and Corbin stormed in. His brow was beaded with sweat, as usual, and the greying hair at his temples looked slick. The Wayfarer had to be kept warm for their pilot's sake, but Corbin had voiced his dislike for the ship's standard temperature from day one. Even after years aboard the ship, his body had refused to acclimate, seemingly out of pure spite. Corbin's cheeks were red as well, though whether that was due to his mood or from coming up the stairs was anyone's guess. Ashby never got used to the sight of cheeks that red. The majority of living Humans were descended from the Exodus Fleet, which had sailed far beyond the reaches of their ancestral sun. Many, like Ashby, had been born within the very same homesteaders that had belonged to the original Earthen refugees. His tight black curls and amber skin were the result of generations of mingling and mixing aboard the giant ships. Most Humans, whether spaceborn or colony kids, shared that nationless Exodan blend. Corbin, on the other hand, was unmistakably Sol system stock, even though the people of the home planets had come to resemble Exodans in recent generations. With as much of a hotchpotch as Human genetics were, lighter shades were known to pop up here and there, even in the Fleet. But Corbin was practically pink. His forerunners had been scientists, early explorers who built the first research orbiters around Enceladus. They'd been there for centuries, keeping vigil over the bacteria flourishing within icy seas. With Sol a dim thumbprint in the skies above Saturn, the researchers lost more and more pigment with every decade. The end result was Corbin, a pink man bred for tedious labwork and a sunless sky. Corbin tossed his scrib over Ashby's desk. The thin, rectangular pad sailed through the mist-like pixel screen and clattered down in front of Ashby. Ashby gestured to the pixels, instructing them to disperse. The news headlines hovering in the air dissolved into coloured wisps. The pixels slunk down like swarms of tiny insects into the projector boxes on either side of the desk. Ashby looked at the scrib, and raised his eyebrows at Corbin. 'This,' Corbin said, pointing a bony finger at the scrib, 'has got to be a joke.' 'Let me guess,' Ashby said. 'Jenks messed with your notes again?' Corbin frowned and shook his head. Ashby focused on the scrib, trying not to laugh at the memory of the last time Jenks had hacked into Corbin's scrib, replacing the algaeist's careful notes with three-hundred-and-sixty-two photographic variations of Jenks himself, naked as the day he was born. Ashby had thought the one of Jenks carrying a Galactic Commons banner was particularly good. It had a sort of dramatic dignity to it, all things considered. Ashby picked up the scrib, flipping it screen-side up. Attn.: Captain Ashby Santoso (Wayfarer, GC tunnelling licence no. 387-97456) Re: Résumé for Rosemary Harper (GC administration certificate no. 65-78-2) Ashby recognised the file. It was the résumé for their new clerk, who was scheduled to arrive the next day. She was probably strapped into a deepod by now, sedated for the duration of her long, cramped trip. 'Why are you showing me this?' Ashby asked. 'Oh, so you have actually read it,' Corbin said. 'Of course I have. I told you all to read this file ages ago so you could get a feel for her before she arrived.' Ashby had no idea what Corbin was getting at, but this was Corbin's standard operating procedure. Complain first, explain later. Corbin's reply was predictable, even before he opened his mouth: 'I didn't have the time.' Corbin had a habit of ignoring tasks that didn't originate within his lab. 'What the hell are you thinking, bringing aboard a kid like that?' 'I was thinking,' Ashby said, 'that I need a certified clerk.' Even Corbin couldn't argue that point. Ashby's records were a mess, and while a tunnelling ship didn't strictly need a clerk in order to keep its licence, the suits at the GC Transportation Board had made it pretty clear that Ashby's perpetually late reports weren't earning him any favours. Feeding and paying an extra crew member was no small expense, but after careful consideration and some nudging from Sissix, Ashby had asked the Board to send him someone certified. His business was going to start suffering if he didn't stop trying to do two jobs at once. Corbin folded his arms and sniffed. 'Have you talked to her?' 'We had a sib chat last tenday. She seems fine.' 'She seems fine,' Corbin repeated. 'That's encouraging.' Ashby chose his next words more carefully. This was Corbin, after all. The king of semantics. 'The Board cleared her. She's fully qualified.' 'The Board is smoking smash.' He stabbed his finger towards the scrib again. 'She's got no long-haul experience. She's never lived off Mars, as far as I can tell. She's fresh out of university—' Ashby started ticking things off on his fingers. Two could play at this game. 'She's certified to handle GC formwork. She's worked an internship at a ground transport company, which required the same basic skills I need her to have. She's fluent in Hanto, gestures and all, which could really open some doors for us. She comes with a letter of recommendation from her interspecies relations professor. And most importantly, from the little I've spoken to her, she seems like someone I can work with.' 'She's never done this before. We're out in the middle of the open, on our way to a blind punch, and you're bringing a kid aboard.' 'She's not a kid, she's just young. And everybody has a first job, Corbin. Even you must've started somewhere.' 'You know what my first job was? Scrubbing out sample dishes in my father's lab. A trained animal could have done that job. That's what a first job should be, not—' He sputtered. 'May I remind you of what we do here? We fly around punching holes – very literal holes – through space. This is not a safe job. Kizzy and Jenks scare the hell out of me with their carelessness as it is, but at least they're experienced. I can't do my job if I'm constantly worried about some incompetent rookie pushing the wrong button.' That was the warning flag, the I can't work under these conditions flag that indicated Corbin was about to go non-linear. It was time to get him back on the rails. 'Corbin, she's not going to be pushing any buttons. She's not doing anything more complicated than writing reports and filing formwork.' 'And liasing with border guards, and planetary patrols, and clients who are late on their payments. The people we have to work with are not all nice people. They are not all trustworthy people. We need someone who can hold their own, who can bark down some upstart deputy who thinks he knows regulations better than us. Somebody who knows the difference between a real food safety stamp and a smuggler's knock-off. Somebody who actually knows how things work out here, not some blank-eyed graduate who will wet herself the first time a Quelin enforcer pulls up alongside.' Ashby set his mug down. 'What I need,' he said, 'is someone to keep my records accurate. I need someone to manage our appointments, to make sure we all get the required vaccinations and scans before crossing borders, and to get my financial files sorted out. It's a complicated job, but not a difficult one, not if she's as organised as her letter of recommendation makes her out to be.' 'That's a standardised letter if ever I saw one. I bet that professor has sent the exact same letter on behalf of every milquetoast student that came mewling through his door.' Ashby arched an eyebrow. 'She studied at Alexandria University, same as you.' Corbin scoffed. 'I was in the science department. There's a difference.' Ashby gave a short laugh. 'Sissix is right, Corbin, you are a snob.' 'Sissix can go to hell.' 'So I heard you telling her last night. I could hear you down the hall.' Corbin and Sissix were going to kill each other one of these days. They had never got along, and neither of them had any interest in trying to find a common ground. It was an area where Ashby had to tread very lightly. Ashby and Sissix had been friends before the Wayfarer, but when he was in captain mode, both she and Corbin had to be treated equally as members of his crew. Moderating their frequent sparring matches required a delicate approach. Most of the time, he tried to stay out of it altogether. 'Should I even ask?' Corbin's mouth twitched. 'She used the last of my dentbots.' Ashby blinked. 'You do know we've got huge cases of dentbot packs down in the cargo bay.' 'Not my dentbots. You buy those cheap hackjob bots that leave your gums sore.' 'I use those bots every day and my gums feel just fine.' 'I have sensitive gums. You can ask Dr Chef for my dental records if you don't believe me. I have to buy my own bots.' Ashby hoped that his face did not reveal just how low this tale of woe ranked on his list of priorities. 'I appreciate that it's annoying, but it's just one pack of dentbots we're talking about here.' Corbin was indignant. 'They don't come cheap! She did it just to get at me, I know she did. If that selfish lizard can't—' 'Hey!' Ashby sat up straight. 'Not okay. I don't want to hear that word come out of your mouth again.' As far as racial insults went, lizard was hardly the worst, but it was bad enough. Corbin pressed his lips together, as if to keep further unpleasantries from escaping. 'Sorry.' Ashby's hackles were up, but truthfully, this was an ideal way for a conversation with Corbin to go. Get him away from the crew, let him vent, wait for him to cross a line, then talk him down while he was feeling penitent. 'I will talk to Sissix, but you have got to be more civil to people. And I don't care how mad you get, that kind of language does not belong on my ship.' 'I just lost my temper, was all.' Corbin was obviously still angry, but even he knew better than to bite the hand that feeds. Corbin knew that he was a valuable asset, but at the end of the day, Ashby was the one who sent credits to his account. Valuable was not the same as irreplaceable. 'Losing your temper is one thing, but you are part of a multispecies crew, and you need to be mindful of that. Especially with somebody new coming aboard. And on that note, I'm sorry you have concerns about her, but frankly, she's not your problem. Rosemary was the Board's suggestion, but agreeing to take her on was my call. If she's a mistake, we'll get someone new. But until then, we are all going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Regardless of how you feel about her, I expect you to make her feel welcome. In fact . . .' A slow smile spread across Ashby's face. Corbin looked wary. 'What?' Ashby leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together. 'Corbin, I seem to recall that our new clerk will be arriving around seventeen-half tomorrow. Now, I have a sib scheduled with Yoshi at seventeen on the nose, and you know how he loves to talk. I doubt I'll be done by the time Rosemary docks, and she's going to need someone to show her around.' 'Oh, no.' A stricken look crossed Corbin's face. 'Have Kizzy do it. She loves that sort of thing.' 'Kizzy's got her hands full replacing the air filter by the med bay, and I doubt she'll be done before tomorrow. Jenks will be helping Kizzy, so he's out.' 'Sissix, then.' 'Mmm, Sissix has a lot of prep work to do before the punch tomorrow. She probably won't have the time.' Ashby grinned. 'I'm sure you'll give her a great tour.' Corbin looked at his employer with baleful eyes. 'Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass, Ashby.' Ashby picked up his mug and finished off the dregs. 'I knew I could count on you.' Day 130, GC Standard 306
Rosemary rubbed the bridge of her nose as she accepted a cup of water from the wall dispenser. The lingering edges of the sedatives made her head feel foggy, and so far, the stims that were supposed to counter those effects had done nothing but make her heart race. Her body longed for a stretch, but she couldn't undo the safety harness while the pod was in motion, and the pod didn't have enough room for anything except standing up and walking out anyway. She leaned her head back with a groan. It had been nearly three days since the deepod launched. Solar days, she reminded herself. Not standard days. She needed to get used to making the distinction. Longer days, longer years. But she had more pressing things to focus on than differences in calendars. She was groggy, hungry, cramped, and in all her twenty-three years – Solar, not standard – she could not remember ever needing to pee quite so badly. The brusque Aeluon attendant at the spaceport had told her the sedatives would suppress that need, but nothing had been said about how she would feel once they wore off. Rosemary imagined the lengthy letter of complaint her mother might write after such a trip. She tried to imagine the circumstances in which her mother would travel by deepod at all. She couldn't even picture her mother setting foot within a public spaceport. Rosemary had been surprised to find herself in such a place. The dingy waiting area, the twitching pixel posters, the stale smells of algae gunk and cleaning fluid. Despite the exoskeletons and tentacles milling around her, she had felt like the alien there. That was the thing that had hammered home just how far from Sol she was – the menagerie of sapients standing alongside her in the ticket line. Her homeworld was fairly cosmopolitan, but aside from the occasional diplomat or corporate representative, Mars didn't see much in the way of non-Human travellers. A terraformed rock inhabited by one of the GC's least influential species was hardly a destination of choice. Professor Selim had warned her that studying the concepts behind interspecies relations was vastly different from having to go out there and talk to other sapients, but she hadn't truly understood that advice until she found herself surrounded by clunky biosuits and feet that didn't need shoes. She'd even been nervous speaking to the Harmagian behind the ticket counter. She knew that her Hanto was excellent (for a Human, anyway), but this was no longer the safe, controlled environment of the university language lab. No one would gently correct her mistakes or forgive her for an unwitting social transgression. She was on her own now, and in order to keep credits in her account and a bed beneath her back, she had to do the job she had assured Captain Santoso she could do. No pressure, or anything. Not for the first time, a cold fist appeared deep within her stomach. Never in her life had she worried about credits or having a place to go home to. But with the last of her savings running thin and her bridges burned behind her, there was no margin for error. The price of a fresh start was having no one to fall back on. Please, she thought. Please don't screw this up. 'We are beginning our approach, Rosemary,' chirped the deepod's computer. 'Do you require anything else before I begin docking procedures?' 'A bathroom and a sandwich,' said Rosemary. 'Sorry, Rosemary, I had difficulty processing that. Could you please repeat your request?' 'I don't require anything.' 'Okay, Rosemary. I will now open the outer shutters. You may wish to close your eyes in order to adjust to any external light sources.' Rosemary dutifully shut her eyes as the shutters whirred open, but her eyelids remained dark. She opened her eyes to find that the only significant source of light was coming from within the pod. As she had expected, there was nothing beyond the window but empty space and tiny stars. Out in the open. She wondered how thick the pod's hull was. The pod swung up, and Rosemary shielded her eyes from a sudden burst of light, pouring out of the windows of the ugliest ship she'd ever seen. It was blocky and angular, with the exception of a bulging dome that stuck out from the back like a warped spine. This was not a ship designed for fussy commercial passengers. There was nothing sleek or inspiring about it. It was bigger than a transport ship, smaller than a cargo carrier. The lack of wings indicated that this was a ship that had been built out in space, a ship that would never enter an atmosphere. The underside of the vessel held a massive, complex machine – metallic and sharp, with rows of tooth-like ridges angled towards a thin, protracted spire. She didn't know much about ships, but from the mismatched colours of the outer hull, it looked as though whole sections had been cobbled together, perhaps originating from other vessels. A patchwork ship. The only reassuring thing about it was that it looked sturdy. This was a ship that could take (and had taken) a few knocks. Though the ships she was used to travelling in were far easier on the eye, knowing that there would be a solid, stocky hull between her and all that empty space was heartening. 'Wayfarer, this is Deepod 36-A, requesting permission to dock,' said the computer. 'Deepod 36-A, this is the Wayfarer,' replied a female voice with an Exodan accent. Rosemary noted the softness of the vowels, the pronunciation that was a little too polished. An AI. 'Please confirm passenger identification.' 'Acknowledged, Wayfarer. Transmitting passenger details now.' There was a brief pause. 'Confirmed, Deepod 36-A. You are cleared to dock.' The deepod moved alongside the Wayfarer like some sort of aquatic animal swimming up to suckle at its mother. The hatch at the back of the pod slipped into the Wayfarer's sunken docking port. Rosemary could hear the mechanical sound of catches connecting. There was a hiss of air as the seal expanded. The hatch door slid upwards. Rosemary moaned as she stood. Her muscles felt as if they would splinter. She collected her duffel bag and satchel from the luggage rack, and limped forwards. There was a slight gravitational discrepancy between the pod and the Wayfarer, enough to make her stomach lurch as she crossed the seam between the two. The feeling only lasted a few seconds, but combined with her foggy head, jittery pulse and aching bladder, it was enough to make Rosemary cross the line from uncomfortable to vaguely miserable. She hoped her new bed was soft. She stepped into a small decontamination chamber, empty except for a glowing yellow panel affixed to a waist-high stand. The AI spoke through a vox on the wall. 'Hello! I'm pretty sure I know who you are, but can you swipe your wristpatch over the panel, so I can be sure?' Rosemary pulled her sleeve back, exposing her wristwrap – a woven bracelet that protected the small dermal patch embedded within the skin of her inner right wrist. There was a lot of data stored in that thumbnail-sized piece of tech – her ID file, her bank account details and a medical interface used to communicate with the half-million-or-so imubots that patrolled her bloodstream. Like all GC citizens, Rosemary got her first patch during childhood (for Humans, the standard age was five), but the patch she had now was only a few tendays old. The seam of skin surrounding it was still shiny and tender. The new patch had cost almost half of her savings, which seemed exorbitant, but she had hardly been in a position to argue. She held her wrist over the yellow panel. There was a soft pulse of light. A twinge of adrenaline ran alongside the stims. What if something had gone wrong with the patch, and they pulled her old file instead? What if they saw her name, and put two and two together? Would it matter to people out here? Would it matter that she'd done nothing wrong? Would they turn away from her, just as her friends had? Would they put her back on the pod, and send her crawling back to Mars, back to a name she didn't want and a mess she hadn't— The pad blinked a friendly green. Rosemary exhaled, and scoffed at herself for being nervous at all. The new patch had worked just fine ever since it was installed. She'd had no trouble confirming her identity or making payments at any stops along the way. It was unlikely that the patch scanner on this clunky tunnelling ship would have picked up any discrepancies that the high-end scanners at the spaceports hadn't. Even so, this was the last hurdle to clear. Now all she had to worry about was whether or not she'd be good at her job. 'Well, there you are, Rosemary Harper,' said the AI. 'My name is Lovelace, and I serve as the ship's communication interface. I suppose in that regard we have relatively similar jobs, don't we? You liase on behalf of the crew. I liase on behalf of the ship.' 'I guess that's true,' Rosemary said, a little unsure of herself. She didn't have much experience with sentient AIs. The ones back home were all bland and utilitarian. The university library had an AI named Oracle, but she had been a more academic sort. Rosemary had never spoken to an AI as personable as Lovelace. 'Should I call you Rosemary?' Lovelace asked. 'Or do you have a nickname?' 'Rosemary is fine.' 'Okay, Rosemary. You can call me Lovey, if you like. Everyone else does. Feels good to be off that pod, doesn't it?' 'You have no idea.' 'True. But then, you don't know how good it feels to have your memory banks recalibrated.' Rosemary considered this. 'You're right, I don't.' 'Rosemary, I have to be honest with you. The reason I've kept you chatting for this long is so that you don't get bored while I scan you for contaminants. One of our crew members has very specific health needs, and I have to do a more thorough scan than some ships require. It shouldn't be much longer.' Rosemary hadn't felt that she'd been waiting long at all, but she had no idea what qualified as a lengthy amount of time to an AI. 'Take all the time you need.' 'Is that all the luggage you have?' 'Yes,' Rosemary said. In fact, she was carrying everything that she owned (that is, everything she hadn't sold off). She was still marvelling at the fact that she could fit it all into two little bags. After a life in her parents' enormous home, full of furniture and knick-knacks and rarities, the knowledge that she didn't need anything more than what she could carry gave her a remarkable sense of freedom. 'If you put your bags into that cargo elevator to your right, I can move them to the upper crew deck for you. You can pick them up whenever you head to your room.' 'Thanks,' Rosemary said. She pulled open the hinged metal door on the wall, set her bags into the corresponding compartment and latched the door shut. There was a rushing sound within the wall. 'Okay, Rosemary, I just finished my scan. Hate to say it, but you do have a few blacklisted bugs in your system.' 'What kind of bugs?' Rosemary asked. She thought back with dread to the spaceport's smudged handrails and sticky seats. Three tendays since she'd left Mars, and already she'd picked up some alien plague. 'Oh, nothing that would affect you, but they are things our navigator can't handle. You'll need to have our doctor update your imubots accordingly before you leave the ship again. For now, I'm going to have to give you a decontamination flash. Is that okay?' Lovey sounded apologetic, and for good reason. The only good thing about a decontamination flash was that it was over quickly. 'Okay,' Rosemary said, gritting her teeth. 'Hang in there,' Lovey said. 'Flashing in three . . . two . . . one.' Harsh orange light filled the room. Rosemary could feel it move right through her. A cold sting cut through her pores, her teeth, the roots of her eyelashes. For a brief moment, she knew where all her capillaries were. 'Oh, I'm so sorry,' Lovey said as the flash ended. 'I hate having to do that. You look sick.' Rosemary exhaled, trying to shake off the needle-like twinges. 'It's not your fault,' she said. 'I wasn't feeling very well to start.' She paused, realising that she was trying to make an AI feel better. It was a silly concept, but something about Lovey's demeanour made any other response feel a bit rude. Could AIs even take offence? Rosemary wasn't sure. 'I hope you feel better soon. I know there's dinner planned for you, but I'm sure you can get some rest right after that. Now, I've kept you long enough. You're free to go on through. And may I be the first to say: Welcome aboard.' The vox switched off. Rosemary pressed her hand against the door panel. The inner airlock door spun open to reveal a pale man with a sour face. He changed his expression as Rosemary stepped forward. It was the most insincere smile she had ever seen. 'Welcome to the Wayfarer,' the man said, extending his hand. 'Artis Corbin. Algaeist.' 'Nice to meet you, Mr Corbin. I'm Rosemary Harper.' Rosemary shook his hand. His grip was limp, his skin clammy. She was glad to let go. 'Just Corbin is fine.' He cleared his throat. 'Do you . . . ah . . .' He nodded towards the opposite wall. There was a door painted with the Human symbol for bathroom. Rosemary ran for it. She came back out a few minutes later in a more positive mood. Her heart was still fluttering, her head still clearing, the lingering tingle of the flash still making her teeth hurt. But at least one of her physical complaints could be checked off the list. 'Deepods are the worst way to travel,' Corbin said. 'They run on scrub fuel, you know. Bunch of accidents waiting to happen. They really should be better regulated.' Rosemary tried to think up a response, but before she could, Corbin said: 'This way.' She followed him down the corridor. The Wayfarer wasn't any fancier inside than it was outside, but the mismatched corridors had a humble charm. Small windows broke up the walls at regular intervals. The wall panels themselves were held together with bolts and screws of varying shapes. Like the exterior, the walls were different colours – coppery brown to one side, dull brass to the other, the occasional sheet of soft grey thrown in for good measure. 'Interesting design,' said Rosemary. Corbin scoffed. 'If by "interesting," you mean it looks like my grandmother's quilt, then yes. The Wayfarer's an old ship. Most tunnelling ships are. Incentives are provided to captains who upgrade old vessels instead of purchasing new ones. Ashby took full advantage of that. The original ship is about thirty-five standards old. Built to last, but not built with the comfort of the crew in mind. Ashby added bigger quarters, more storage space, water showers, those kind of things. All salvaged, of course. Don't have the money to kit it all out from scratch.' Rosemary was relieved at the mention of improved living conditions. She had been bracing herself for the possibility of tiny bunks and sanidust showers. 'I assume that Lovey was a later addition as well?' 'Yes. Ashby purchased her, but she's Jenks's pet.' Corbin continued on without explanation. He nodded at the wall. 'There are voxes in every room and in major junctions. No matter where you are, Lovey can hear your requests and transmit messages on your behalf. They broadcast to the whole ship, so be selective about what you say. Voxes are a tool, not a toy. Fire extinguishers are available throughout the ship as well. Kizzy can send you a map of their locations. Exosuit lockers are in the docking hatch, the crew deck and the cargo bay. Escape pods are available on all decks. We also have a shuttle that is accessible through the cargo bay. If you see those emergency panels on the wall light up, head for a suit, a pod or the shuttle, whichever is closest.' The corridor split in two up ahead. He pointed to the left. 'Med bay is that way. It's nothing state-of-the-art, but it's enough to keep someone alive until we get to port.' 'I see,' said Rosemary. She tried not to read too much into the fact that the only things Corbin had mentioned were related to emergencies or injuries. Loud, jovial voices came from a junction up ahead. There was a clang as something fell to the floor. This was followed by a brief argument, then laughter. Corbin's eyes narrowed as if warding off a headache. 'I believe you're about to meet our techs,' he said. They rounded the corner to find a bird's nest of wires and cables strewn about the floor. There was no order or sense to any of it, not that Rosemary could see. Algae tubes poured like innards from an open wall panel. Working within the wall itself were two people, a man and a woman, both Human – or were they? There was no question about the woman, who was somewhere on the cusp between her twenties and thirties. Her black hair was tied back in a lopsided bun, held together with a frayed, faded ribbon. She wore an orange jumpsuit smudged with grease and gunk, patched on the elbows with bright fabric and big stitches. There were hasty notes handwritten on her sleeves, things like 'CHECK 32-B – OLD WIRES?' and 'DON'T FORGET AIR FILTERS YOU DUMMY' and 'EAT.' Perched upon her flat nose was a set of curious optical lenses. Rather than just one lens per eye, there were no fewer than half a dozen attachments welded onto hinged supports. Some bulged and magnified, others flickered with tiny digital panels. They appeared to be handmade. As for the woman herself, her dark olive skin looked as if it had spent a lot of time bathing in natural sunlight, but her indistinct features were undeniably Exodan. Rosemary thought it likely that she had grown up on an extrasolar colony – 'out of the sun,' as they would say back on Mars. The man, on the other hand, was not so easily categorised, though he looked Human in most respects. His blended facial features, his body shape, his limbs and digits, they were all familiar. His copper colouring was even quite similar to Rosemary's, though several shades darker. But while his head was an average size, the rest of him was small, as small as a child. He was stocky, too, as if his limbs had filled out while refusing to lengthen. He was small enough to fit atop the woman's shoulders, which was exactly where he was standing. As if his physique were not noteworthy enough, he had gone to great lengths to decorate himself. The sides of his head were shaved, and a tuft of curls popped up atop his scalp. His ears were adorned with constellations of piercings, his arms sleeved in colourful tattoos. Rosemary did her best not to stare. She concluded that he was indeed Human, but he had to be a genetweak. It was the only explanation she could think of. But then again, why would anyone go to that much trouble to make himself small? The woman looked up from her work. 'Oh, hooray!' she said. 'Jenks, get off me, we have to be sociable.' The small man, who had been operating some noisy tool within the wall, turned his head and lifted up his safety goggles. 'Ah ha,' he said, climbing down. 'The newbie approaches.' Before Rosemary could have any say in the matter, the woman stood up, removed her gloves and wrapped Rosemary in an enormous hug. 'Welcome home.' She pulled back, wearing an infectious grin. 'I'm Kizzy Shao. Mech tech.' 'Rosemary Harper.' She tried not to appear too startled. 'And thank you.' Kizzy's grin grew wider. 'Ooh, I love your accent. You Martians always sound so smooth.' 'I'm the comp tech,' the man said, cleaning the gunk from his hands with a rag. 'Jenks.' 'Is that your given name or your family name?' Rosemary asked. Jenks shrugged. 'Whichever.' He reached out to shake her hand. Even with his small hands, he had a better grip than Corbin. 'Nice to meet you.' 'Nice to meet you, too, Mr Jenks.' 'Mister Jenks! I like that.' He turned his head. 'Hey, Lovey. Patch me through to everybody, please.' A nearby vox switched on. 'Attention all hands,' Jenks said in a pompous voice. 'As per our clerk's example, I will now only respond to my full title of "Mr Jenks." That is all.' Corbin leaned toward Rosemary and lowered his voice. 'That's not what the voxes are for.' 'So,' said Kizzy. 'Was your trip okay?' 'I've had better,' said Rosemary. 'Though I'm here in one piece, so I guess I can't complain.' 'Complain all you want,' Jenks said. He pulled a worn metal tin from his pocket. 'Deepods are a shit way to get around. And I know they're the only way to get you here fast, but those things are dangerous as hell. Stims make you shaky?' Rosemary nodded. 'Ugh, yeah, trust me, you'll feel better after you get some food in you.' 'Have you been up to your room yet?' Kizzy asked. 'I made the curtains, but if you don't like the fabric, just say so and I'll tear 'em right down.' 'I haven't been there yet,' Rosemary said. 'But I've been admiring the rest of your handiwork so far. Must not be easy adding on to an old model.' Kizzy's face lit up like a globulb. 'No, but see, that's why it's so fun! It's like a puzzle, figuring out what kind of circuits the old ones will talk to, adding new bits to make things more homey, staying on top of all the old framework's secrets so we don't blow up.' She gave a contented sigh. 'It's the best job ever. Have you seen the Fishbowl yet?' 'The what, sorry?' 'The Fishbowl.' Kizzy beamed. 'Just wait. It's the bestest.' Corbin's peering eyes snapped to the comp tech. 'Jenks, you cannot be serious!' Jenks's metal tin was full of redreed. He had stuffed a hefty pinch of it into a small, curved pipe, and was now lighting it with a welding tool. 'What?' he said, his voice muffled through clenched teeth. He sucked air into the pipe, causing the shredded fibres to spark and smoke. The faint scent of burnt cinnamon and ash hit Rosemary's nose. She thought of her father, who was always puffing the stuff as he worked. She pushed the unwanted reminder of family aside. Corbin placed a hand over his nose and mouth. 'If you want to fill your lungs with toxins, fine, but do it in your quarters.' 'Calm down,' said Jenks. 'This is that tweaked strain the Laru cooked up. Bless their eight-valved hearts. All the mellow of fresh redreed, without any of the toxic stuff. One-hundred-per-cent good for you. Well, not bad for you, anyway. You should try some, it'd do wonders for your mood.' He exhaled a stream of smoke in Corbin's direction. Corbin's face tightened, but he seemed reluctant to press the issue further. Rosemary got the impression that for all his bluster about the rules, Corbin didn't actually have any authority over the techs. 'Does Ashby know about this mess?' Corbin said, gesturing at the floor. 'Relax, grumpy,' Kizzy said. 'It'll all be fixed and put away by dinnertime.' 'Dinner is in half an hour,' Corbin said. Kizzy's hands went to the top of her head. She grimaced dramatically. 'Oh, no! For serious? I thought dinner was at eighteen?' 'It's seventeen-half now.' 'Balls!' Kizzy said, diving back into the wall. 'We'll talk later, Rosemary, I've got work to do. Jenks, get on my shoulders, buddy, post-haste!' 'Hup!' Jenks said, placing the pipe between his teeth and climbing up. Corbin continued down the corridor without another word. 'It was nice meeting you,' Rosemary said, hurrying after Corbin. 'Nice meeting you too!' called Kizzy. 'Ah, shit, Jenks! You got ash in my mouth!' There was the sound of spitting, and a twin set of laughter. 'It's a wonder we're not all dead,' Corbin said to no one. He said nothing else as they continued down the corridor. Rosemary had deduced that small talk was not his forte. As uncomfortable as the silence was, she felt it best not to break it. The corridor curved inwards, connecting to the other side of the ship. At the apex of the curve was a door. 'This is the control room,' Corbin said. 'Navigation and tunnelling controls. You won't have much need for this room.' 'Is it all right to see it anyway? Just to get my bearings?' Corbin hesitated. 'Our pilot is probably working in there now. We shouldn't disturb—' The door opened, and a female Aandrisk stepped out. 'I thought I heard a new voice!' she said. Her accent was husky round the edges, but it was the clearest Rosemary had ever heard from her species. Not that Rosemary had much experience with Aandrisks. As one of the Galactic Commons's three founding species, they were a familiar sight throughout the galaxy. Or so Rosemary had been told. The Aandrisk standing before her was the first that she had ever spoken to directly. Her mind raced, scrambling to remember what she could of Aandrisk culture. Complicated family structures. Virtually no concept of personal space. Physically affectionate. Promiscuous. She mentally slapped herself for that. It was a stereotype, one that every Human knew whether they wanted to or not, and it smacked of ethnocentrism. They don't pair up like we do, she chided herself. It's not the same thing. Somewhere in her head, Professor Selim was frowning at her. 'The very fact that we use the term "cold-blooded" as a synonym for "heartless" should tell you something about the innate bias we primates hold against reptiles,' she pictured him saying. 'Do not judge other species by your own social norms.' Determined to do her professor proud, Rosemary braced herself for some of that Aandrisk cheek nuzzling she'd heard about, or perhaps another unexpected hug. However this person wanted to greet her, she was going to flow with it. She was part of a multispecies crew now, and she was going to be graceful about it, dammit. But to Rosemary's disappointment, all the Aandrisk woman did was extend one of her clawed hands, initiating a handshake. 'You must be Rosemary,' she said warmly. 'I'm Sissix.' Rosemary wrapped her fingers round Sissix's scaled palm as best she could. Their hands did not fit well together, but they made the best of it. Sissix was too alien for Rosemary to label her as beautiful, but . . . striking. Yes, that was a better word. She stood a head taller than Rosemary, and her body was lithe and lean. Moss green scales sheathed her body from the top of her head to the tip of her tail, fading into a paler shade over her belly. She had a smooth face, no nose or lips or ears to speak of, just holes for breathing and holes for hearing and a small slit of a mouth. A multicoloured shock of feathers covered her head like a short, festive mane. Her chest was as flat as a Human man's, but the contrast between her thin waist and her muscular, saurian thighs gave the illusion of feminine hips (though Rosemary knew that impression also stemmed from cultural bias; male Aandrisks were built exactly the same as females, only smaller). Her legs were slightly bowed, as if poised to spring, and her fingers and toes were capped with thick, blunt claws. Each claw was painted with lazy swirls of gold, and looked to be filed down. She wore a pair of loose, low-slung trousers, and a vest held together with one button. Rosemary recalled Professor Selim saying that Aandrisks only wore clothes to make other species feel more comfortable. Between the clothes, the accent and the handshake, Rosemary got the impression that Sissix had been around Humans a long time. Sissix had not been the only thing to exit the control room. A waft of hot, dry air had followed her out the door. Rosemary could feel waves of heat emanating from the room beyond. Even at the doorway, it felt smothering. Corbin's eyes narrowed. 'You do know that interface panels start to warp if they get too hot.' Sissix flicked her yellow eyes towards the pale man. 'Thank you, Corbin. I've only been living on ships for my entire adult life, so I have no idea how to safely manage internal temperature settings.' 'I think this ship is hot enough as it is.' 'If anyone else had been working in there with me, I would've cranked it down. Honestly, what is the problem?' 'The problem, Sissix, is that—' 'Stop.' Sissix raised a palm. She looked back and forth between Corbin and Rosemary. 'Why are you showing her around?' Corbin clenched his jaw. 'Ashby asked me to. It's no trouble.' His words were non-committal, but Rosemary could hear the same insincerity that had masked his face when she stepped through the airlock. The cold fist reappeared in her stomach. Ten minutes on the ship, and already somebody didn't like her. Fantastic. 'Right,' Sissix said. She squinted, as if trying to figure something out. 'I'd be happy to take over as tour guide if you have other things to do.' Corbin pressed his lips together. 'I don't mean to be rude, Rosemary, but I do have some salinity tests that should be started sooner rather than later.' 'Great!' said Sissix, putting her hand on Rosemary's shoulder. 'Have fun with your algae!' 'Um, it was nice meeting you,' Rosemary said as Sissix led her away. Corbin was already disappearing down the corridor. The whole exchange had been bewildering, but Rosemary was glad of what appeared to be more friendly company. She did her best not to stare at the way Sissix's bare feet flexed, the way her feathers bounced as she walked. Everything about the way she moved was fascinating. 'Rosemary, on behalf of the crew of the Wayfarer, I would like to apologise,' Sissix said. 'Coming into a new home deserves a better welcome than anything Artis Corbin can give. I'm sure you know all about the escape pods by now, and nothing about who we are and what we do.' Rosemary laughed despite herself. 'How did you know?' 'Because I have to live with that man,' Sissix said. 'As do you. But fortunately, you get to live with the rest of us, too, and I think we're pretty likable.' She stopped beside a metal staircase that stretched both up through the ceiling and down through the floor. 'Have you even seen your room yet?' 'No.' Sissix rolled her eyes. 'Come on,' she said, walking up the stairs, doing her best to keep her tail out of Rosemary's face. 'I always feel better on a new ship once I know where my place is.' The Aandrisk woman was right. Rosemary's place, it turned out, was a room tucked into the corner of the topmost deck. The only furniture was a boxy apparatus built right into the far wall, which housed drawers, a tiny closet and a nook just big enough for a bunk. But the sparseness of the room had been softened by a few Human touches (or sapient touches, Rosemary supposed). The bunk was covered with a fuzzy blanket and a heap of colourful pillows, transforming what might have been a spartan shelf into a cosy little nest. The curtains that Kizzy had mentioned were made from a flower-patterned fabric – no, not flowers, jellyfish. The print was a bit too busy for Rosemary's taste, but she was sure it would grow on her. On the adjoining wall, there was a small hydroponic planter trailing tear-shaped leaves. Beside it was a mirror, upon which hung a printed note: 'WELCOME HOME!' It was the smallest, simplest, humblest living space Rosemary had ever seen (dingy spaceport hotels notwithstanding). And yet, all things considered, it was perfect. She couldn't think of a better place to start over. Day 130, GC Standard 306
Ashby forced a smile as Yoshi rambled on over the sib. He had never liked the man much. There was nothing wrong with him, exactly, but stars, he could talk for days. Checking in with the Transport Board was an empty formality to begin with, a verbal confirmation that Ashby wouldn't be punching through any space that didn't belong to him. He of all people understood the need to measure twice and cut once, but Yoshi always managed to turn what should've been a simple matter of did you get the flight plan? all right then, safe journey into an hour-long conversation. The pixels displaying Yoshi flickered slightly, the result of signal decay. He pushed back his long sleeves and stirred his mek – cold, Ashby noted, in the Harmagian style. He refrained from rolling his eyes at the well-crafted charade. The cold mek, the Aeluon-influenced tailoring, the practised Central accent that still betrayed a Martian cadence if you knew what to listen for. The trappings of a bureaucrat trying to pretend he had the same clout as the powerful species around him. Ashby was not ashamed of his heritage – quite the opposite – but there was something irritating about seeing a Human get too big for his britches. 'But enough about me,' Yoshi said with a laugh. 'How's life aboard the Wayfarer? All well with your crew?' 'Yeah, we're all fine,' Ashby said. 'And we've got one more, as of today.' 'Yes, yes, the new clerk! I was going to ask you about her. Is she settling in all right?' 'I haven't actually met her yet. I heard her pod dock a short while ago.' 'Ah, then I won't keep you long.' Ha. 'You know, Ashby, bringing on a clerk puts a few points in your book as far as the Board's concerned. You've always been dependable when it comes to tunnelling, but this shows that you're committed to upholding our administrative standards as well. Smart move on your part.' 'Just practical, really. I need the extra help.' Yoshi leaned back in his chair, his face blurring as he moved back from the sib camera. 'You've been doing level-three work for a long time now. Have you ever considered taking things up a notch?' Ashby raised his eyebrows. Yoshi was a faker, but he wasn't incompetent. He knew the Wayfarer wasn't equipped for high-level jobs. 'Sure, but we're not kit out for it,' Ashby said. He couldn't afford to be, either. His ship was geared for single-ship transport lanes – colony hops, mostly. There was a lot of money to be made in cargo convoy tunnels, but you needed some serious equipment to make a stable passage that big. Ashby didn't know of any Human-owned ships doing that kind of work. 'True, but that doesn't mean you should limit yourself, either,' Yoshi said. He glanced over his shoulder with sly importance. Again, Ashby stopped himself from rolling his eyes. As far as he could tell, Yoshi was alone in a closed room. 'Just watch out for some interesting work coming down the line. In your usual bracket, but – ah, a little different.' Ashby leaned forward a bit. It was hard to trust much coming from a Human who forced his Rs into a Harmagian burr, but even so, he wasn't going to ignore advice given from someone sitting in a Parliament office. 'What kind of work?' 'I'm not in a position to say what, exactly,' Yoshi said. 'Let's just say it'd be a nice change of pace from what you're used to.' He looked Ashby in the eye. The pixels twitched. 'The kind of thing that might give you a leg-up.' Ashby gave what he hoped was a congenial smile. 'That's a little vague.' Yoshi smirked. 'You follow the news?' 'Every day.' 'Make sure that you do over, say, oh, the next five days or so. Don't worry about it now. Take care of your clerk, get through the punch tomorrow, and then . . . then you'll see.' He took a smug, knowing sip from his chilled cup. 'Trust me. You'll know it when you see it.' Day 130, GC Standard 306
After tucking away her two pieces of luggage (which Sissix had approved of – 'packing light saves fuel'), Rosemary followed her guide back down the stairs. Something caught her eye, something she hadn't noticed on the way up. Each grated metal step was carefully covered with a thick strip of carpet. 'What's this for?' Rosemary asked. 'Hmm? Oh, that's for me. So my claws don't catch in the grating.' Rosemary cringed. 'Ugh.' 'You have no idea. I snapped one clean off a few years back, before Kizzy put the runners down. Shrieked like a hatchling.' She stepped off onto the next deck, nodding toward doors. 'Rec room's over there. Exercise machines, gaming hub, comfy couches, all that stuff. The hub's got a few good outdoor sims you can patch into. Everybody's supposed to use it for at least a half-hour every day. In theory. It's an easy thing to forget, but it is good for you. On a long haul, this' – she tapped the top of Rosemary's head – 'needs to be the most important thing you take care of.' Rosemary paused as they walked down the corridor. 'Is it just me, or is it getting darker in here?' Sissix chuckled. 'You really haven't lived out in the open, have you?' she said, though not unkindly. 'The lighting in the corridors and communal areas gets lighter and darker as the day goes on. What you're seeing now is sunset, or an approximation of it. You can turn on the work lamps in individual rooms whenever you need more light, but having ambient lighting throughout the ship helps us keep a rhythm.' 'You follow standard days here, right?' Sissix nodded. 'Standard days, standard calendar. Are you still on Solar time?' 'Yeah.' 'Go easy your first tenday. Adopting a new body clock can really take it out of you. Honestly, though, as long as you get your work done and know what day it is, it doesn't matter what sort of schedule you keep. None of us get up at the same time, and we all work weird hours. Especially Ohan. They're nocturnal.' Rosemary wasn't sure who Ohan was or what Sissix had meant by the plural pronoun, but before she could ask, Sissix directed a grin towards the door ahead. 'I'm going to let you go through first.' There was a hand-painted sign affixed to the wall beside the door. 'THE FISHBOWL,' it read. The bright letters were surrounded by smiling planets and cheerful flowers. New as Rosemary was to the ship, she had an inkling that the sign was Kizzy's doing. She opened the door, and gasped. Before her was a wide, domed room, constructed from interlocking sheets of plex. It was a window, a giant, bubble-like window, with the entire galaxy spilling out beyond. And on their side, everything – everything – was green. Large hydroponic planters were arranged in spiralling rows, bursting with broad leaves, perky sprouts and dark, fat vegetables. Handwritten labels were affixed to skewers at regular intervals (the alphabet used was not one that Rosemary recognised). Some of the plants were flowering, and delicate trellises encouraged the climbers to grow tall. A branching path stretched out from the doorway, lined with repurposed cargo crates and food tins filled with bushy tufts of grass. Bits of tech junk painted with bright shapes peeked out here and there, adding dabs of colour. At the end of the path were three steps, which led into a sunken garden. A ramshackle fountain chattered quietly there, with a few benches and chairs nearby. Behind the benches, small decorative trees stretched up towards the sunlamps that hung overhead. But once Rosemary noticed the lamps, her attention was drawn back to the bubbled window, to the stars and planets and nebulae waiting just outside. After a few seconds of gaping, Rosemary had the presence of mind to note the smaller details. The window frame looked worn, and of a completely different make from the rest of the room. The hydroponic planters were of all shapes and sizes, and were banged up enough to suggest that they'd been purchased second-hand. But the room was one of those strange, wonderful places that benefited from a lack of uniformity. The plants were healthy and well-tended, but somehow, the scuffs and dents and painted scraps were what made them truly come alive. 'This . . .' Rosemary blinked. 'This is incredible.' 'And necessary, believe it or not,' said Sissix. 'It may seem like an extravagance, but it's got three useful purposes. One, living plants ease the strain on our air filters. Two, we can grow some of our own food, which saves us money on market trips, and is healthier than eating stuff kept in stasis all the time. Three, most important, it keeps us from going crazy after being cooped up in here for a few tendays. The rec room's good for a moment of quiet, but this is where we all come to really slow down. A lot of long-haul ships have places like this. Ours is the best, though, if you'd like my entirely unbiased opinion.' 'It's beautiful,' said Rosemary, tearing her eyes away from the window. She thought for a moment, remembering the opaque dome she'd seen from the deepod. 'Why couldn't I see this coming in?' 'Neat trick, isn't it?' said Sissix. 'It's made out of switch plex, so it's only transparent when we want it to be. Gives us some privacy, and keeps things cool if we're near a sun. It used to be part of some Harmagian's yacht. Kizzy and Jenks have a whole network of scavenger buddies who give us a call whenever they find some scrap we might put to good use. The dome has been the jackpot so far.' She gestured for Rosemary to follow her. 'Come on, I'll introduce you to the guy who grows all this stuff.' They followed the right side of the path to an oval-shaped dining table, set for dinner. The chairs surrounding the table were mismatched, and about a third of them designed to fit non-Human posteriors. Soft lights hung from long wires over the table, capped with shades of different colours. It was far from the fanciest table Rosemary had ever seen – the napkins were faded, a few plates had dents, the condiments were all cheap brands – but it felt inviting nonetheless. Near the table was a counter, with three stools on one side and a big kitchen on the other. The smell of baking bread and sizzling herbs flooded Rosemary's nostrils, and her body reminded her of how long it had been since she last ate. Her entire torso felt hollow. 'Hey!' Sissix called over the counter. 'Come meet our new crewmate!' Rosemary hadn't seen the curtain covering the doorway in the back until a member of the strangest species she'd ever seen threw it aside and lumbered forward. The sapient – he, Sissix had said – was at least twice Rosemary's size. He was rotund and fleshy, with dappled grey skin. She would have pegged him as some sort of amphibian if it weren't for the tufts of long whiskers that stood out from his balloon-like cheeks. The majority of his face was dominated by a broad, split upper lip, which Rosemary found endearing, though she couldn't say why. She thought back to the picture programs of ancient Earth animals she'd pored over as a kid. If you crossed an otter with a gecko, then made it walk like a six-legged caterpillar, you'd be getting somewhere. The sapient's legs were especially difficult to categorise, because they could have just as easily been arms. He had six of them, whatever they were, all identical. When he came through the door, he'd been walking on one pair, and holding two tubs of food with the others. But once he set the tubs down, he folded his body down onto two pairs and walked to the counter. 'Well, well, well,' the sapient rumbled. There was a weird harmony to his voice, as if five people were talking at once. As she continued to process his appearance, Rosemary noticed that he was wearing Human-style clothing. His upper torso – if you could call it that – was covered by a huge short-sleeved shirt printed with a logo of a green Human thumb zooming through space. The surrounding text was printed not in Klip, but in Ensk: Littlejohn's Plant Emporium – Your One-Stop Shop for Transgalactic Hydroponics. Extra armholes had been cut into the sides to allow for his middle pair of limbs. His lower section was covered by an enormous pair of drawstring trousers. Or not trousers. More like a pouch with room for legs. The sapient's whole face curved upward in a surreal approximation of a smile. 'I bet you've never seen one of me before,' he said. Rosemary smiled, relieved that he'd broken the ice. 'Can't say that I have,' she said. The sapient bustled about behind the counter as he spoke. 'Interspecies sensitivity training always falls a bit short when you see something new, doesn't it? The first time I saw one of you lanky brown things, I fell dead quiet.' 'And for his species,' Sissix said, 'that's really saying something.' 'That it is!' said the sapient. 'Silence doesn't suit us.' A sound exploded from his mouth – a warbling, rumbling coo. Rosemary glanced at Sissix as discordant bursts continued to flow from the sapient's strange mouth. 'He's laughing,' Sissix whispered. The noise cut off, and the sapient tapped his chest. 'I'm Dr Chef.' 'I'm Rosemary,' she said. 'You have an interesting name.' 'Well, it's not my actual name, but I cook the food and I work in the med bay when the need arises. I am what I do.' 'What species are you?' 'I am a Grum, and I'm currently male.' Rosemary had never heard of a Grum. Had to be a non-GC species. 'Currently?' she asked. 'Biological sex is a transitional state of being for my species. We begin life as female, become male once our egg-laying years are over, then end our lives as something neither here nor there.' Dr Chef reached over the counter and placed a cup of juice and a small plate of thick, grainy crackers in front of Rosemary. 'Here you go. Sugar, salt, vitamins, calories. Dinner will be soon, but you look ready to faint.' He shook his head at Sissix. 'I hate deepods.' 'Oh, stars, thank you.' Rosemary fell upon the crackers. In some distant part of her head, she knew that they were nothing special, but in that moment, they were the best thing that she had ever eaten. 'May I ask your given name?' she said, once her mouth was less full. 'You won't be able to say it.' 'Can I try?' Again, the warbling laugh. 'Okay, get ready.' Dr Chef's mouth opened, and a cacophony fell out, layers upon layers of baffling sounds. It lasted a full minute. His cheeks puffed three times once it ended. 'That's me,' he said. He pointed at his throat. 'Branching windpipes, six sets of vocal cords. There's not one word in my language that doesn't have several sounds blended together.' Rosemary felt a little stunned. 'Learning Klip cannot have been easy for you.' 'Oh, it wasn't,' said Dr Chef. 'And I won't lie, it's still tiring at times. Synchronising my vocal cords takes a lot of effort.' 'Why not just use a talkbox?' Dr Chef shook his head, the skin on his cheeks shivering. 'I don't like implants that aren't medically necessary. Besides, what's the point of talking to different species if you don't take the time to learn their words? Seems like cheating to simply think things and let a little box do the talking for you.' Rosemary took another sip of juice. Her head was already feeling better. 'Does your name mean something in your language?' 'It does. I am "A Grove of Trees Where Friends Meet To Watch The Moons Align During A Sunset in Mid" . . . I'd guess you'd say "autumn." Mind you, that's just the first bit. It also includes my mother's name and the town in which I was born, but I think I'll leave it there, or else you'll be listening to me translate all night.' He laughed again. 'And you? I know most Humans don't put much stock in names, but does yours have any meaning?' 'Er, well, I don't think my parents meant anything by it, but rosemary is a kind of plant.' Dr Chef leaned forward, resting his weight against his upper arms. 'A plant? What kind of plant?' 'Nothing special. Just a herb.' 'Just an herb!' said Dr Chef, his whiskers trembling. 'Just a herb, she says!' 'Uh oh,' said Sissix. 'You said the magic word.' 'Rosemary, Rosemary,' said Dr Chef, taking her hand. 'Herbs are my very favorite thing. They combine both the medicinal and the gastronomical, which, as you may have guessed, are my two best subjects. I am an avid collector of herbs. I pick up new specimens wherever I go.' He paused, grumbling and whistling to himself. 'I don't think I've heard of your namesake herb. Is it for eating or healing?' 'Eating,' said Rosemary. 'I think it goes in soups. Breads, too, I guess.' 'Soups! Oh, I like soups,' said Dr Chef. His solid black eyes shifted to Sissix. 'We're making a stop at Port Coriol soon, right?' 'Yep,' said Sissix. 'Someone there will have it for sure. I'll send a message to my old friend Drave, he'll know where to look. He's good at finding food-related things.' His mouth curved up as he looked back to Rosemary. 'See? You've got a proper name after all. Now, you finish those crackers, I'm going to check on the bugs.' He bustled back into the kitchen, growling and sighing as he bent over the grill. Rosemary wondered if he might be humming. Sissix leaned close to Rosemary and whispered, her voice shielded by Dr Chef's vocalisations and the general sounds of cooking. 'Don't ask about his homeworld.' 'Oh,' Rosemary said. 'Okay.' 'Trust me on this. And don't ask about his family, either. It's . . . not good dinner talk. I'll explain later.' Dr Chef proudly lifted a large arthropod from the grill with a pair of tongs. Its shell was blackened, and its legs curled under in even rows. It was about the size of Rosemary's hand, wrist to fingertip. 'I hope you like red coast bugs. Fresh, too, not from the stasie. I have a few breeding tanks in the back.' Sissix gave Rosemary a friendly nudge. 'We only get fresh ones for special occasions.' 'I've never had them, but they smell wonderful,' Rosemary said. 'Wait,' Sissix said. 'You've never had red coast bugs? I've never met a Human who's never had red coast bugs.' 'I've always lived planetside,' Rosemary said. 'We don't eat many bugs on Mars.' She felt guilty just saying it. Insects were cheap, rich in protein and easy to cultivate in cramped rooms, which made them an ideal food for spacers. Bugs had been part of the Exodus Fleet's diet for so long that even extrasolar colonies still used them as a main staple. Rosemary had, of course, at least heard of red coast bugs. The old story went that a short while after the Exodus Fleet had been granted refugee status within the Galactic Commons, a few Human representatives had been brought to some Aeluon colony to discuss their needs. One of the more entrepreneurial Humans had noticed clusters of large insects skittering over the red sand dunes near the coastline. The insects were a mild nuisance to the Aeluons, but the Humans saw food, and lots of it. Red coast bugs were swiftly adopted into the Exodans' diet, and nowadays you could find plenty of Aeluons and extrasolar Humans who had become wealthy from their trade. Rosemary's admission that she'd never eaten red coast bugs meant that she was not only poorly travelled, but that she belonged to a separate chapter of Human history. She was a descendant of the wealthy meat-eaters who had first settled Mars, the cowards who had shipped livestock through space while nations starved back on Earth. Even though Exodans and Solans had long ago put their old grudges behind them (mostly), her privileged ancestry was something she had become ashamed of. It reminded her all too well of why she had left home. Sissix eyed her with suspicion. 'Have you eaten mammals? I mean the real thing, not vat-grown.' 'Sure. There are a few cattle ranches on Mars.' Sissix recoiled, making sounds of amusement and disgust. 'Oh, no, yuck.' She looked apologetic. 'Sorry, Rosemary, that's just so . . . blech.' 'Psh. They're just big sandwiches on hooves,' said Jenks, walking in with a grin. 'I've had planetside beef too, y'know. It's awesome.' 'Oh, gross. You're all gross,' Sissix said, laughing. 'I'll stick with bugs, thanks,' said a male Human voice. Rosemary turned, and stood up. 'Welcome aboard,' Captain Santoso said, shaking her hand. 'It's good to finally meet you.' 'You as well, Captain,' Rosemary said. 'I'm very happy to be here.' 'Please, just call me Ashby,' he said with a smile. He glanced around, looking for someone. 'Did Corbin give you the grand tour?' 'He started it off,' Sissix said, taking one of Rosemary's crackers. 'I took over so he could run some tests.' 'Well. That was . . . nice of you,' Ashby said. He stared at Sissix for a moment, asking a question that Rosemary couldn't discern. He turned his attention back to her. 'I'm afraid I won't have much time to show you the ropes over the next couple of days. We're tunnelling tomorrow, and there's always some odds and ends to take care of afterwards. But I'm sure you need some time to settle in anyway. Once we've put this job behind us, you and me can sit down and start going through my reports.' 'You have my sympathies,' Sissix said, patting Rosemary's shoulder. 'They're not that bad,' Ashby said. Dr Chef cleared his throats pointedly. 'Okay, they're pretty bad.' Ashby shrugged and smiled. 'But hey! That means you have a job!' Rosemary laughed. 'Don't worry. I'm one of those weirdos who likes formwork.' 'Thank the stars for that,' Ashby said. 'We're a good crew, but formwork is not one of our strengths.' 'Sissix!' Kizzy cried, entering the room. 'I need to talk to you about this super scandalous sexy vid I saw today.' Ashby's eyes fell shut. 'Neither is tact.' Sissix looked bemused. 'Kizzy, I told you, I am done watching your vids. I swear, Humans are the only species who can make coupling tacky.' 'No, listen, it's important.' Kizzy strolled behind the counter, inspecting Dr Chef's cooking. She had shed the grubby jumpsuit in exchange for a smart yellow jacket, a skirt that could only be described as a short petticoat, bright orange polka dot tights, a massive pair of boots trussed up in all manner of buckles and straps and a scattering of cloth flowers woven through her hair. The ensemble would've been clownish on anyone else, but somehow, Kizzy made it work. 'It was a multispecies vid, and I now have a bucketful of questions about Aandrisk anatomy.' 'You've seen me naked before,' Sissix said. 'You've probably seen a lot of Aandrisks naked before.' 'Yes, but . . . Sissix, the flexibility on this guy, holy shit—' She stuck her hand towards a bowl of vegetables. Dr Chef smacked her wrist with a spatula without even glancing her way. Sissix sighed. 'What's the name of this vid?' 'Prison Planet 6: The Zero-G Spot.' 'Aaand, we're done,' Ashby said. 'Honestly, would one day of being polite have killed you?' 'Hey, I'm polite,' Jenks said. 'I didn't even mention Prison Planet 7.' Ashby sighed and turned to Rosemary. 'There's probably still time for you to call the deepod back, if you've changed your mind.' Rosemary shook her head. 'I haven't had dinner yet.' Dr Chef let out a hearty, squawking laugh. 'At last, someone with the same priorities as me.' Sissix leaned across the counter. 'Kizzy, your shoes are amazing. I wish I could wear shoes.' 'I know, right?!' Kizzy exclaimed, lifting her right foot as if she had never seen it before. 'Behold, my wonderboots! All the kick-ass of an Aeluon assault squad, combined with total ergonomic perfection! It's podiatric madness! What are they? Are they big tough stompers? Are they comfy kick-arounds? No one knows! There are feats of science happening right over my socks as we speak!' She turned to Dr Chef, who was pulling a pan of rolls out of the oven. She plucked one up and tossed it between her fingers. 'Stars, these smell good. Come to my face, love bun!' Ashby turned to Rosemary. 'You're good at languages, right?' Rosemary dragged her attention away from the mech tech, who was doing a little dance of pain after searing her tongue on the hot bun. 'I do all right,' she said. Truthfully, she was very good with languages, but that wasn't the sort of thing one said to new colleagues over dinner. 'Well, if you're going to live on this ship, you're going to have to learn to speak Kizzy.' 'It's one of those you sort of pick up as you go along,' said Sissix, who had begun shuttling heaping bowls of food to the table. Rosemary picked up a bowl filled with some mashed purple root vegetable and followed suit. As she set the bowl down beside the place settings, she was struck with an odd realisation: this was the first time she'd ever set a table. 'Oh, oh, by the way,' Kizzy said, hopping over to Ashby. 'Air filter's fixed, but I was so scared I was gonna be late for dinner, and I had to change too, so I just bundled up all the wires into the wall good enough so they wouldn't catch fire or anything, and I promise I'll finish it up right after we eat, I promise promise—' 'If you want, Kiz, I can take care of cleaning up the cables on my own,' Jenks said. 'I know you've got a hell of a to-do list before tomorrow.' 'This is why you're the best,' Kizzy said. She met Rosemary's eyes and pointed at Jenks. 'Isn't he the best?' 'Okay,' Dr Chef said, lifting a platter stacked with steaming bugs. 'Grub's up.' Sissix, Kizzy and Jenks all sat down on the same side of the table. As if on cue, Corbin entered the room. He sat on the opposite side. He said nothing. Neither did anyone else. Ashby, at least, gave him a polite nod. The captain sat at the head of the table; Dr Chef took the chair opposite him. Ashby gestured for Rosemary to take the empty seat to his right. He smiled at everyone and raised his glass of water. 'To our new crew member,' he said. 'And to a problem-free day of work tomorrow.' They all clinked glasses. 'I should've got something fancier to drink,' Dr Chef muttered. 'We all need water, Doc,' Ashby said. 'And besides, you've rather outdone yourself.' He nodded at the heaping bowls of food. Rosemary clapped a hand over her stomach to muffle the growling. Filling one's plate was a free-for-all affair. Bowls and trays were traded back and forth without following any clear pattern. By the time the serving bowls had all been set back down, Rosemary's plate was stacked with salad, a heap of the mashed purple stuff (tuskem roots, Dr Chef had called them), two grainy rolls and one of the red coast bugs. Melted butter flecked with shredded herbs oozed out from the gaps in the bug's spindly joints. Rosemary noticed that there was a tiny hatch cut into the shell, where Dr Chef had administered seasonings before grilling them. The bug was nightmarish to look at, but it smelled incredible, and Rosemary was hungry enough to try anything. There was just one problem. She didn't know how to eat it. Sissix must've seen her hesitancy, for the Aandrisk woman caught her eyes across the table. Sissix slowly, deliberately raised her knife and fork with her four-fingered hands, and began removing the shell in a practised manner, popping off the legs first, then working open the underbelly at the seams. Rosemary mirrored her actions, trying not to appear too obvious in her lack of expertise. She appreciated Sissix's subtlety, but she could not ignore the irony of an Aandrisk teaching her how to eat a Human dish. If Rosemary had committed any transgressions in the act of dismantling the bug, none of the other crew members mentioned it. They were too busy shovelling down food, heaping praise on Dr Chef for his cooking and laughing at jokes that Rosemary couldn't follow. Her embarrassment at being unfamiliar with the food disappeared the moment she placed the first bite of bug in her mouth – tender, savoury, comforting. A bit like crab, only denser. The rolls were hearty and hot, the mash salty sweet, the salad (picked from the garden that day, she was told) crisp and refreshing. All her fears about spacer food were eradicated. She could get used to bugs and hydroponic vegetables. Easily. Once her hunger had been quelled enough for her to eat at a less desperate pace, Rosemary noticed the empty chair and unused place setting that separated her from Corbin. 'Who sits here?' she asked. 'Ah,' said Dr Chef. 'A tricky question. No one, technically, but it's meant for Ohan.' Rosemary registered the name. 'Right, Sissix said xe's nocturnal,' she said, choosing a neutral pronoun. It was the only polite thing to do when no gender signifiers had been given. Ashby smiled and shook his head. 'They. Ohan's a Sianat Pair. Male, but we still say "they."' Rosemary thought back to the airlock. Lovey hadn't been talking about a navigator, but a Navigator. Her mind raced with excitement. Sianats were the stuff of urban legends back home – a reclusive race who could conceptualise multidimensional space as easily as a Human could do algebra. Their mental aptitude was not innate, however. Sianat culture was structured around a neurovirus they called the Whisperer. The effects of the Whisperer were largely unknown to the rest of the GC (Sianats barred other species from researching it), but what was known was that it altered the brain functions of the host. As far as Rosemary knew, all Sianats were infected with the virus during childhood, at which point they ceased thinking of themselves as individuals, but rather as plural entities – a Pair. They were then encouraged to go out into the galaxy in order to share the Whisperer's gifts with species that could never know them first hand (the virus had yet to jump to other species). Sianat Pairs' ability to think in ways other species couldn't made them invaluable members of research projects, science labs . . . and tunnelling ships. In all the hullabaloo of getting herself out to the Wayfarer, the likelihood of meeting a Sianat Pair hadn't occurred to her. 'Do they not eat dinner with us?' she asked, trying to hide just how badly she wanted to meet this – person? People? The plural thing was going to take some practice. Ashby shook his head. 'Pairs are paranoid about their health. They're wary of anything that might inadvertently affect the Whisperer. Ohan never leaves the ship, and they don't eat the same food that we do.' 'Though it's perfectly sanitary, I assure you,' Dr Chef said. 'That's why I had to get flashed when I docked,' Rosemary said. 'Lovey said I had a few contaminants one of the crew couldn't handle.' 'Ah, yes,' Dr Chef said. 'We'll need to update your imubots' databases. We can take care of that tomorrow.' 'It's not just a health thing,' Sissix said. 'Pairs don't socialise well, even with other Pairs. Ohan doesn't leave their room much. They're . . . you'll see when you meet them. They're on their own little plane.' 'You would be too, if you could map out tunnels in your head,' Jenks said. 'But Dr Chef always sets a place for them anyway,' Kizzy said, tucking a bite of food into her cheek. 'Because he's a sweetie.' 'I want them to know that they're always welcome,' Dr Chef said. 'Even if they can't eat with us.' 'Aww,' said Kizzy and Jenks in unison. 'Technically, I don't eat dinner either,' Sissix explained. Rosemary had already noticed that while Sissix had taken some of everything, her portions were tiny. 'I just eat little bits of stuff throughout the day. One of the benefits of not being able to keep myself warm is not needing as much food.' She smiled. 'But I like sitting down with everybody in the evening. It's one of my favourite Human customs.' 'I heartily agree,' said Dr Chef, taking another red coast bug. 'Especially since I only eat once a day.' He balanced the bug atop a tall stack of empty shells. Rosemary counted six. 'So what do Sianat Pairs eat?' Rosemary asked. A violent ripple passed through Dr Chef's cheeks. Even with his unfamiliar anatomy, Rosemary got the feeling that it was an expression of disgust. 'This horrible nutrient paste. That's all, just tubes and tubes of it, shipped from the Sianat homeworld.' 'Hey, you never know,' Jenks said. 'It could be pretty good.' 'Nope,' Kizzy said. 'Definitely not. I snuck a tube of it once, for research.' 'Kizzy,' Ashby said. Kizzy ignored him. 'Imagine something with the consistency of dry, cold nut butter, but with no flavour at all. No salt or anything. I tried putting it on toast, but it was just a waste of good toast.' Ashby sighed. 'And this from the woman who throws a fit if anybody even so much as glances at a bag of her fire shrimp.' 'Hey,' Kizzy said, pointing her fork at him. 'Fire shrimp are a rare delicacy, okay.' 'They're a cheap snack,' Sissix said. 'A cheap snack you can only get from my colony, which makes them a rare delicacy. There are crates of Ohan's paste tubes in the cargo bay. I knew they wouldn't even notice if I sampled one. Supply and demand.' 'That's not what supply and demand means,' Jenks said. 'Sure it does.' '"Supply and demand" does not mean "please wantonly steal shit because there's more than enough to go around."' 'You mean like this?' She darted a hand forward and stole a bun off his plate. She crammed the whole thing in her mouth, forcing it in with her fingers, and began grabbing more from the bread basket. Ashby turned towards Rosemary, ignoring the war of the baked goods. 'So. Rosemary. Let's hear about you. Any family back on Mars?' Rosemary took a calm sip of water. The question made her heart hammer a bit, but it would all be okay. She'd practised this. 'Yeah. My dad works in off-world imports, my mom owns an art gallery.' It was a true statement, just missing a few key details. 'I have an older sister, too, but she lives on Hagarem.' True. 'She works for the GC. Resource allocation bureau. Nothing fancy, just pushing formwork.' True. 'We're not very close, though.' Definitely true. 'Where'd you grow up?' 'Florence.' True. Jenks pulled his attention away from wrestling with Kizzy over buns. He whistled. 'That's some prime real estate,' he said. 'You must come from money.' 'Not really.' Lie. 'It's just close to my dad's business.' True. Sort of. 'I was in Florence once,' Kizzy said. 'When I was twelve. My dads saved and saved and saved so we could go there for the Remembrance Day thing. Stars, I'll never forget when everybody let those floating lanterns go out in that big open place.' Rosemary knew where she meant. New World Square, the capital's central gathering space. A wide stone plaza watched over by a statue of the city's eponym, Marcella Florence, the first Human to set foot on Mars. 'All those little lights, going up and up like tiny ships. I thought it was the prettiest thing I'd ever saw.' 'I was there for that,' Rosemary said. 'No way!' She laughed. 'I don't think anybody missed the All Stories Festival.' In fact, her father had been a major sponsor of the event, but she felt it best to leave that out. Remembrance Day was a Human holiday commemorating the day that the last homesteader set off from Earth – the day the last Humans left their inhospitable homeworld. The holiday had originated as an Exodan custom, but Remembrance Day had quickly gained popularity in both the Solar Republic and the extrasolar colonies. The All Stories Festival had marked the bicentennial Remembrance Day, and the surrounding event had been organised as a joint effort between Solan and Exodan officials. Practically the entire Diaspora had turned up, down to every last handler and bureaucrat. The Festival was meant as a gesture of friendship and unity among a fractured species, an acknowledgment that despite their difficult pasts, they could work together towards a bright galactic future. Not that anything had really come of it. The Diaspora was still ineffectual in the GC Parliament. Harmagians had money. Aeluons had firepower. Aandrisks had diplomacy. Humans had arguments. No festival, no matter how lavish, was going to change that. But it had been a fine party, at least. Kizzy grinned at Rosemary. 'Maybe we saw each other's lanterns. Oh! Did you get one of those ice creams there? The real milk ones, in one of those waffley bowl things, all covered with berry sauce and little chocolate bits?' 'Ugh, that sounds sweet,' Dr Chef said. 'If memory serves, I had two of those,' said Rosemary. She smiled, hoping that it masked the tangle of homesickness filling her chest. She had worked so hard to get away, jumped through so many hoops, spent so many sleepless nights being afraid of getting caught, and yet . . . yet there were bugs on her plate, and artigrav nets beneath her feet, and a table full of strangers who could never know what she'd left behind. She was out in the open now, far from everything and anything that was familiar. 'Speaking of sweet things,' Dr Chef said, setting his fork down with finality. 'Who wants dessert?' Even though her stomach was now full to bursting, Rosemary found it easy to make room for three of what Dr Chef called 'spring cakes' – delicate, chewy, reminiscent of almonds, dusted with some zingy spice she couldn't identify. Not quite Remembrance Day ice cream with berry sauce, but then, nothing ever would be. After he'd helped clear the table, Ashby settled into one of the benches tucked away in the garden. He pulled out his scrib, and took a bite out of the last spring cake. Captain's prerogative. He gestured at his scrib, directing it towards one of the Transport Board's job feeds. 'Establishing connection,' the screen read. 'Verifying access.' As the progress icon pulsed in thought, he glanced back to the kitchen. Dr Chef was behind the counter, showing Rosemary how to stack dirty dishes in the cleanser. She looked attentive, but a little lost. Ashby smiled to himself. First days were always hard. Sissix approached, a mug of tea in hand. 'So?' she asked quietly, making a small gesture with her head back towards the kitchen. Ashby nodded and made room for her on the bench. 'So far, so good,' he said under his breath. 'She seems friendly enough.' 'I have a good feeling about her,' Sissix said, sitting down. 'Yeah?' 'Yeah. I mean, she's a bit . . . oh, stars, there isn't a good word for it in Klip. Issik. You know that one?' Ashby shook his head. He could muddle through Reskitkish, if spoken slowly, but his vocabulary wasn't extensive. 'Literally means "egg soft." Like a hatchling's skin, when it first comes out of the shell.' 'Ah, okay. So . . . inexperienced?' She rocked her head in thought. 'Yes, but not quite. It implies that you'll toughen up in time.' He nodded, glancing at her thick scales. 'I'm sure she will.' 'Well, that's the thing about being issik. If your skin doesn't harden . . .' She let her tongue fall out of her mouth and made a choking sound. She laughed. Ashby gave her a wry look. 'You are talking about babies here.' She sighed. 'Mammals,' she said, with fond exasperation. She rested her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his knee. Coming from a Human, the gesture would've been intimate, but he was used to it with Sissix. This was her version of casual. 'Still trying to find us a follow-up?' she asked, nodding towards the scrib. The feed had connected, displaying a neat table of contract offers. 'Just seeing what's out there.' 'You won't get far with this feed.' 'Why?' 'Because these are upper-level gigs.' There was amusement in her voice. 'You're tired.' 'No,' he said. 'I'm just . . . looking.' He would've left the explanation there, but he could feel her looking at him, waiting for more. He exhaled. 'Just one of these pays more than our last three jobs combined.' 'Big ships get big money,' she said. 'That's always been the way of things.' 'You don't need a big ship. Just a well-equipped ship.' He looked around the garden. Recycled crates, a scavenged window, hand-me-down planters. 'With the right upgrades, we could start applying for these jobs.' Sissix started to chuckle, but stopped when she saw his face. 'Are you being serious?' 'I don't know,' Ashby said. 'I wonder if I've got so comfortable in this kind of work that I never stopped to consider doing more. And we could, in theory. We're capable enough. We're good enough.' 'We are,' Sissix said slowly. 'But we're not talking new circuit-boards here. We'd need a new bore, and that'd cost you a standard's worth of profits right there. I'd want a new nav panel, because the one we've got is sticky enough as it is sometimes. We'd need a bigger ambi stock, more stabilisers, more buoys – I'm sorry. I don't mean to stomp all over your daydream here.' She gave his knee a friendly scratch with her claws. 'Okay, let's say you saved up enough, and we got all kitted out, and we could start taking high-level jobs. What would you do with that?' 'What do you mean?' 'I mean why do you want that, other than whatever Yoshi said that got under your skin.' He raised his eyebrows and smirked. 'How did you know?' She laughed. 'Just a guess.' Ashby scratched his beard and thought. What did he want it for? After he'd first left home, all those years ago, he'd sometimes wondered if he'd go back to the Fleet to raise kids, or if he'd settle down on a colony somewhere. But he was a spacer through and through, and he had the itch for drifting. As the years went on, the thought of making a family had dwindled. The point of a family, he'd always thought, was to enjoy the experience of bringing something new into the universe, passing on your knowledge and seeing part of yourself live on. He had come to realise that his life in the sky filled that need. He had a crew that relied on him, and a ship that continued to grow, and tunnels that would last for generations. To him, that was enough. But was it enough as it was now? He was content, sure, but he could do more. He could build grander things meant for greater numbers of people. He could give his crew a bigger cut, which he'd long wanted to do, and they certainly deserved. He didn't share Yoshi's hubris, but he couldn't deny that the idea of a Human captain doing work traditionally left to the founding species gave him a spark of pride. He could— 'Oh, not to change the subject, but I meant to tell you,' he said. 'I got a vid pack from Tessa today. Ky started walking.' 'Aw, that's great,' Sissix said. 'Tell her I say congratulations.' She paused. 'Okay, I have to be honest, I always forget learning to walk takes so long for you guys. Whenever I pictured your nephew, I pictured him running around.' Ashby laughed. 'He will be soon enough.' He would be, chasing after his big sister, banging knees, breaking bones, burning an ever-increasing amount of calories. Tessa always protested whenever Ashby sent her credits, but she never outright said no, either. Neither did his father, who was having trouble with his eyesight despite repeated surgeries. What he needed was an optical implant, just as Tessa needed healthier food for her kids than a Fleet job in a cargo bay could provide. He could do more. Day 130, GC Standard 306
The sound of stimthump met Jenks as he walked through the corridors of the engine room. Pounding notes echoed off the fluid-filled pipes that stretched along the ceiling. He followed the sounds of drums, pipeflutes, grating strings, the wails of several Harmagians – and one unabashedly off-key Human woman who was not part of the recording. He entered a roomy access area. This was Kizzy's lair, a well-lit space full of workbenches heaped with spare parts, hand-labelled containers and forgotten amusements. A tool cage stood sentry by one of the entrances, laden with every sort of implement imaginable. Two green armchairs, their balding fabric covered with patches, rested strategically near the warm tubes that pumped spent fuel down to the processing tanks. Between the chairs was a mek brewer, jerry-rigged into one of the engine's powerlines. It was in need of cleaning. The mech tech herself was perched on a work ladder, her head and hands up inside an open ceiling panel. Her hips rocked in time with the drumbeats. She belted along to the throbbing music as she worked. 'Punch 'em in the face! Monkeys like it, too!' 'Hey. Kizzy,' Jenks said. 'I ate a har – monica! These socks – match – my hat!' 'Kizzy.' A tool clattered to the ground. Kizzy's hands clenched into fists as the music swelled to a stormy crescendo. She danced atop the shuddering ladder, her head still in the ceiling. 'Socks! Match – my hat! Socks! Match – my hat! Step on – some – sweet – toast! Socks! Match – my hat!' 'Kizzy!' Kizzy ducked her head down. She pressed the clicker strapped to her wrist, turning down the volume of the nearby thump box. 'Sup?' Jenks quirked an eyebrow. 'Do you have any idea what this song is?' Kizzy blinked. 'Socks Match My Hat,' she said. She went back up into the ceiling, tightening something with her gloved hands. 'Soskh Matsh Mae'ha. It's banned in the Harmagian Protectorate.' 'We're not in the Harmagian Protectorate.' 'Do you know what this song's about?' 'You know I don't speak Hanto.' 'Banging the Harmagian royal family. In glorious detail.' 'Ha! Oh, I like this song so much more now.' 'It's credited with setting off the riots on Sosh'ka last year.' 'Huh. Well, if this band hates the establishment that much, then I doubt they'll care about me making up my own words. They can't oppress me with their "correct lyrics." Fuck the system.' She grunted, fighting with a stuck valve. 'So what's up?' 'I need the axial circuit coupler and I have no idea where you put it.' 'Left-side toolbench.' Jenks looked from side to side. 'My left or your left?' 'My left. No. Wait. Your left.' Jenks walked to the bench, dragged over an empty crate and climbed up to have a look. The piles of junk that covered the bench had merged, creating one nebulous omni-pile. He sifted through the contents. A bundle of three-gauge fuel tubing. A half-eaten bag of fire shrimp ('Devastatingly Hot!' the label boasted). An assortment of dirty mugs. Several sets of schematics with added notes and doodles. An unopened box of – Jenks paused and craned his head towards Kizzy. 'Out of curiosity,' he said. 'What are you doing?' Kizzy showed him her palms. Her work gloves were caked with dense green slime. 'Gunk trap's clogged.' He looked back to the box on the bench. 'You could have that done in three ticks if you used fixbots.' 'I don't have any bots.' 'Um, so, this box of bots I'm looking at is what, then?' Kizzy's head reappeared. She squinted at the bench. 'Oh, those bots.' She disappeared into the ceiling again. He ran a finger over the box. It came back dusty. 'You've never even opened these.' The company logo caught his eye. 'Holy shit, Kiz, these are Tarcska bots. Do you have any idea how top-of-the-line these are?' 'Bots are boring,' she said. 'Boring.' 'Mhm.' Jenks shook his head. 'Once upon a time, the Human race would've killed for the computing power stored in these little guys – literally killed – and you've got them buried under old snacks. Why do you even have these?' A glob of green gunk ran over the edge of the ceiling panel, spattering the floor. 'If ever we find ourselves in a situation so mind-fuckingly dire that you can't lend me a hand and Lovey can't shut things down, then I'll need them. Thankfully, that's never happened.' She took a tool from her belt and stretched up onto the tips of her toes. Something metallic groaned in protest. 'Oh, ass, just work, you stupid bastard thing—' Jenks brushed aside an empty glue packet and found the coupler. He clipped it to his tool belt. 'Air filter's done, by the by. I'm gonna go check on Lovey. You wanna smash before bed?' There was a reply, but it was muffled beneath clanging and swearing and dripping gunk. Jenks chuckled and walked out of the room. Kizzy remained in the ceiling, filthy and profane. He knew she was having a wonderful time. There were other Lovelaces out there, of course. Her core software platform could be purchased through any AI dealer. There were probably dozens of versions of her travelling through the galaxy – maybe hundreds, who knew. But they weren't her. The Lovey that Jenks knew was uniquely moulded by the Wayfarer. Her personality had been shaped by every experience she and the crew had together, every place they'd been to, every conversation they'd shared. And honestly, Jenks thought, couldn't the same be said for organic people? Weren't they all born running the Basic Human Starter Platform, which was shaped and changed as they went along? In Jenks's eyes, the only real difference in cognitive development between Humans and AIs was that of speed. He'd had to learn to walk and talk and eat and all the other essentials before he'd begun to have a sense of identity. Lovey didn't have to worry about those things. There hadn't been a need for her to spend years learning how to monitor systems or switch off circuits. She had started life out with all the maturity and knowledge she needed to do her job competently. But in the three standards since she'd been installed, she'd become much more than just a ship's AI. She'd become someone wonderful. 'Hey, you,' Lovey said as Jenks stepped into the AI chamber. 'Hey, yourself,' he said, bending down to untie his boots. He slipped them off and stepped into a pair of sandals that never left the room. He found the idea of walking around in there with grubby, gunky shoes quite rude. The walls were covered with circuit panels, each a vital component of Lovey's framework – effectively, her brain. In the middle of the room was her central core, resting on a pedestal within a temperature-controlled pit. Jenks spent a lot of time in the pit, even though his job didn't require it, and going in there with boots on felt like kissing somebody in the morning without brushing your teeth. 'Good day?' she asked. He smirked. 'You know how my day was.' Lovey had cameras and sensors throughout the ship. She kept a protective eye on them at all times. It was a comfort, knowing that an accident or injury wouldn't go unnoticed, even in the most out-of-the-way corners. Lovey was always there to call for help. But it was the sort of thing that made a man pause before scratching his balls or picking his nose. Having an AI around forced good manners. 'I still like to hear you tell it.' 'Fair enough. It was a good day. I think we're ready for the punch tomorrow. Everything's working fine, far as I can tell.' 'What do you think of Rosemary?' 'She seems nice. Hard to say. She's a little quiet, and was pretty lagged to boot. We'll all need some time to get to know her.' 'I felt so bad about having to flash her when she came aboard. She looked rough afterward. Not a very nice thing to do when meeting someone for the first time.' 'I'm sure she understood you were only doing your job.' Jenks walked along the wall panels, looking them over for the little red lights that meant trouble. Lovey hadn't alerted him to any problems, but if something went really wrong, she might not be able to let him know. He did the rounds twice a day, just in case. 'Do you think she's pretty?' Jenks raised an eyebrow towards the nearest camera, then glanced back at one of her analytical pathways. The filament was old; it would need replacing in a tenday or two. 'Sure, I guess. Not, like, falling-out-of-my-seat pretty, but if I were a lady, I'd be content looking the way she does.' He stepped up onto a workstool and examined the upper circuit row. 'Why do you ask?' 'She seemed like the sort you'd find pretty.' 'How so?' 'Do you remember that adventure sim you played two years ago? Black Sun Falling?' 'Of course I do. Great sim. There were archaeologists who said they couldn't tell the difference between the Arkanic ruins in the sim and the real deal.' 'Do you remember the love interest you chose?' 'What was her name . . . Mia. Yeah, well-written character. I liked her storyline a lot.' 'Mmm-hmm. And it occurred to me when Rosemary boarded the ship that she's got a nice smile and a short crop of curls, just like Mia did. So, I thought she might be your cup of tea.' Jenks chuckled. 'That's a fair line of reasoning. I didn't know you kept track of these things.' 'I like to know what you like.' 'I like you.' Jenks got off the stool, set down the coupler and walked to the pit. The inspection could wait. He put on the heavy sweater that lay folded by the edge of the pit, just where he'd left it the day before. He climbed down into the temperature-controlled air, a cool contrast to the warm yellow light that pulsed from Lovey's core. 'If I had found her pretty, would that bother you?' Lovey laughed. 'No. Jealousy's stupid.' 'Just because it's stupid doesn't mean you can't feel it.' 'True, but what would be the point of me getting jealous over someone who actually has a face? Or breasts, or hips, or however it works. You're designed to find bodies attractive, Jenks. Enjoy them.' She paused. 'If it were legal for me to have a body, what kind would you want me to have?' 'Well, there's a question,' said Jenks. 'I hadn't really thought about it.' 'Liar.' Jenks sat down and leaned back against the wall. He could feel the light vibration of her cooling system buzz against his scalp. He had, of course, thought about Lovey in a body. Many, many times. 'What kind of body would you want to have?' Jenks countered. 'That's way more important.' 'I'm not sure. That's why I've been paying attention to what you pay attention to. I don't know what it's like to be in any form other than what I am, so it's hard to voice my desires on that front. It's not as if I'm in here pining away for legs all day long.' 'Tell that to the FDS.' The Friends of Digital Sapients were one of those organisations that had their hearts in the right place but their heads firmly up their asses. On paper, Jenks believed a lot of the same things they did, namely that AIs were sapient individuals worthy of the same legal rights that everyone else had. But the FDS went about it all wrong. For starters, they didn't have a lot of techs in their ranks. They ignored the actual science behind artificial cognition in favor of a bunch of fluffy nonsense, making AIs out to be organic souls imprisoned within metal boxes. AIs weren't like that. Comparing an AI to an organic sapient was like comparing a Human to a Harmagian. You could find similarities, and they deserved equal respect, but under the hood, they operated in fundamentally different ways. Jenks was all for proper recognition of AI rights, but the FDS's inability to speak about digital minds with any sort of accuracy was more of a hindrance than a help. Acting all sanctimonious while spouting bad info was a terrible way to win a debate, but a great way to piss people off. 'That's exactly what I mean,' Lovey said. 'They act like all AIs want a body. Granted, I think I do, but that doesn't mean all of us do. That's such an incredibly organic bias, the idea that your squishy physical existence is some sort of pinnacle that all programs aspire to. No offence.' 'None taken.' He thought for a moment. 'That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it? We assume organic bodies are so awesome, everybody else must want them, then we go off to get genetweaks to look younger or slimmer or whatever.' 'You've got a few modifications yourself. No tweaks, but still. Do you think that's different from someone wanting to look a few years younger? Aren't all bodily changes about vanity?' 'Hmm,' said Jenks. He felt the weight of the spacers in his ears. He recalled the thin sunburn sting of a needle driving ink down into his skin. 'That's a good question.' He tapped his mouth with his fingers. 'I don't know. You know I get pretty squicked over tweaks, so I guess my opinion there isn't exactly objective. But I do think something like an anti-aging tweak is done out of a lack of self-esteem, because you feel like you're not good enough as you are. All the things I've done to my body, I've done out of love. Seriously. I've gotten ink to remind me of all sorts of places and memories, but at the core, everything I've had done has been my way of saying that this is my body. That I don't want the body everybody else told me I should have. Dr Chef's the only doctor I've ever had who's never once told me that my life would be easier if I got a few tweaks. You know, so I could be a normal height. Fuck that. If I'm going to make changes to my body, they're going to be changes that were my idea.' 'I think I feel the same way,' Lovey said. 'Even though it's a moot point for me. Any body talk is entirely hypothetical for me unless some laws change.' 'Do you really want to have a body?' He hesitated, feeling awkward about what he wanted to ask next. 'It's not just because of me, is it?' 'No. I go back and forth on it, but I think the pros outweigh the cons.' 'Okay,' Jenks said, folding his hands across his stomach. 'Cons first.' 'Cons. Can only be in one room at a time. Unable to simultaneously look inside the ship and outside of it. Needing to physically jack my head into the Linkings any time I want to look something up. Or, well, I could use a scrib, I guess, but that seems so slow.' 'I have always been jealous of that,' Jenks said. For Lovey, checking a reference or reading a feed was as simple as activating the part of her cognitive processor that had Linking access. He'd always imagined it to be like having a download library inside your head, full of books you could read through in a matter of seconds. 'Honestly, I think most of my cons stem from concerns about perception and spatial awareness. That's why I think the pros carry more weight. They're more varied. I could get used to having only one set of eyes, I think. It could be restful. Or boring, I'm not sure.' 'Maybe a little of both. Let's have your pros.' 'Leaving the ship. That's a big one. I don't feel like I'm missing out as I am now, but you all seem to have so much fun when you hop over to orbiters or down planetside.' 'What else?' 'Having dinner with the crew. Face-to-face conversations. Seeing the sky from the ground.' She paused. 'Having the ability to be a real companion for you. You know, with all the trimmings.' Even sitting down, Jenks felt his knees go weak. Lovey sighed. 'It's a frivolous line of thinking, with things as they are. But even so, you haven't answered my question.' 'What question?' 'What kind of body would you want me to have? Or perhaps a better question is, what do you find pretty?' 'That's . . . I'm not sure I can sum that up easily. It really depends on the person.' 'Hmm. Okay, what did the women you've coupled with before look like?' Jenks let out a hearty laugh. 'Are you making a database?' She paused. 'Maybe.' Jenks gave a fond smirk. 'Lovey, if you were able to have a body, it should look how you want it to look.' He relaxed back into the wall and trailed his fingers down a bundle of cables. 'I'd find you pretty in any package.' 'Stars, you're so full of it,' Lovey laughed. 'But that's why I love you.' Feed source: The Thread – The Official News Source of the Exodan Fleet (Public/Klip) Item name/date: Evening News Summary – Galactic – 130/306 Encryption: 0 Translation path: 0 Transcription: [vid:text] Node identifier: 7182-312-95, Ashby Santoso Hello, and welcome to our evening update. I'm Quinn Stephens. We begin tonight's headline summary with news from the Fleet. Yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of the Oxomoco disaster. Memorial events were held throughout the fleet in commemoration of the deaths of the 43,756 Exodans who lost their lives after a transport crash, compounded by fatigued bulkheads on the Oxomoco, led to rapid decompression of several lodging decks. Yesterday, all major Fleet vessels turned off their lights for two minutes at fourteen-sixteen, the time of the accident. The disaster was also commemorated on Mars this year, with the unveiling of a memorial statue in the Samurakami Botanical Gardens. Martian President Kevin Liu was present at the ceremony, and dedicated the memorial to 'the families aboard the Oxomoco, and to all our courageous brothers and sisters in the Fleet.' Fleet Admiral Ranya May thanked the Martian government for the gesture, stating, 'Our two societies no longer turn a blind eye to the tragedies that befall the other. This is a testament to how far we have come in our efforts to close the gap between us.' In other Fleet news, the Marabunta scare aboard the Newet is finally over. The last remaining patient has been released from quarantine and granted a clean bill of health. The Fleet health office is confident that no traces of the virus remain aboard Fleet vessels. A statement released this morning reminds all Fleet denizens and boarders to schedule regular imubot upgrades with their health care providers, and to not take chances with unlicensed tech implant clinics. It is believed that the Marabunta virus was brought aboard the Newet by an individual who recently patronised a fringe colony implant clinic. In response to the outbreak, the health office is working to upgrade docking bay scanners throughout the fleet, in order to better detect individuals carrying hijacked bots. Next tenday is the thirty-first annual Bug Fry Festival aboard the Dou Mu. The transportation office anticipates high amounts of shuttle traffic and docking bay delays throughout the duration of the festival. All persons travelling between ships are advised to plan accordingly, even if you do not intend on attending the festival. In the news from the Solar Republic, former Phobos Fuel CEO Quentin Harris the third was officially indicted on charges of weapons smuggling, conspiracy and crimes against sapient kind. Harris is alleged to have been instrumental in a smuggling ring that delivered illegal weapons, including gene-targeters, to several Toremi clans, who are currently engaged in a civil war. Harris was arrested earlier this standard after a data cache of evidence documenting his involvement with the smuggling ring was uploaded to several Linking feeds. Harris claims that the evidence has been falsified by business rivals, and has pled not guilty. In the news from the independent Human colonies, the construction of a new water reclamation plant on Seed was halted last tenday after the discovery of ancient Arkanic artifacts. A satellite scan has confirmed the presence of expansive Arkanic ruins throughout the Refuge Foothills region. Though the GC academic community is hailing the find for its historical significance, the discovery has caused problems for the Seed municipality, who have been suffering chronic water shortages. Alexandria University and the Hashkath Institute of Interstellar Migration have assembled a joint archaelogical survey team to study the site. The Seed municipal government has filed an official aid request to the Diaspora, in hopes of receiving funding to purchase portable water reclamators as a stopgap measure. In galactic news, the Hok Pres border war continues to intensify as Aeluon troops enter their third standard year of armed conflict with the Rosk Synergy. The deaths of twenty-six GC civilians on Kaelo were reported this morning, following a Rosk bombing run. Though the Aeluon government has released few details concerning their military efforts, reports from the area indicate that there has been an increase in Aeluon troop deployment throughout the Kaelo region. This concludes the evening update. Our morning update will be ready to access at tenth hour tomorrow. For more in-depth coverage on these stories and more, provided in both vid and text, connect to the Thread feed via scrib or neural patch. Thank you, and fly safely. Day 131, GC Standard 306
Breakfast was laid out on the kitchen counter when Rosemary returned to the Fishbowl in the morning. Two big bowls of fruit (stored in the stasie, by the look of the pale skin), a basket of unfamiliar pastries and a large hotpot full of some sort of dark brown porridge. Dr Chef stood behind the counter, chopping vegetables with two handfeet, drying cutlery with another pair. His cheeks puffed out as she approached. 'Good morning!' he said. 'How'd you sleep?' 'Not bad,' she said, climbing onto a stool. 'Woke up a little confused a few times.' Dr Chef nodded. 'It's never easy sleeping in a new place. You're lucky we had a Human-style bed already installed in that cabin. When I first joined the crew, I had to wait a few days before we got furniture I could fit myself into.' He gestured to the food on the counter. 'Breakfast here is a help-yourself affair, as is lunch. Snacks are available throughout the day, so stop by whenever you're peckish. Oh, and there's always tea. You can get yourself a cup anytime you like.' He pointed towards two large decanters, perched on the far end of the counter. A rack of mugs rested alongside. There were two hand-drawn labels affixed to the decanters. 'Happy Tea!' read one, above a drawing of a wide-eyed, grinning Human with frizzy hair standing on end. 'Boring Tea,' read the other. The Human drawn there looked content, but indifferent. The handwriting was the same as the sign on the Fishbowl door. Kizzy's. 'Boring tea?' Rosemary asked. 'No caffeine. Just a lovely, normal herbal tea,' said Dr Chef. 'I'll never understand why you Humans like the jittery stuff so much. As a doctor, I hate starting off your mornings with stimulants, but as a cook, I understand how important breakfast habits are.' He wagged one of his pudgy fingers at her. 'But no more than three cups a day, and definitely not on an empty stomach.' 'Don't worry,' Rosemary said, reaching for a mug. 'I'm more of a boring tea person myself.' Dr Chef looked pleased. She pointed at the rolls. 'These smell wonderful. What are they?' The answer came from behind. 'Smoky buns!' Kizzy cheered. She jumped onto a stool and grabbed one of the yellowish pastries. She began to eat with one hand and dished out some porridge with the other. 'Smoky buns?' 'Yet another thing from my home that doesn't have an easily translatable name,' said Dr Chef. 'He makes 'em every time we tunnel,' Kizzy said, loading up a plate with an additional bun and a pile of fruit. 'They're good, solid fuel for a hard day of work.' He squinted at Kizzy as she filled a mug with happy tea. 'Unlike that.' 'I know, I know, three-cup limit, I promise,' she said. She turned to Rosemary, cupping her mug between her palms. 'What's the verdict on the curtains?' 'They're great,' Rosemary said. 'They make things feel homey.' It was true. She'd almost forgotten that she was no longer living planetside until she'd drawn the curtains back that morning and found a stellar system floating majestically right outside. Even though she had travelled between planets before, the notion that she was now living out in the open still hadn't sunk in. She bit down into a smoky bun. The bread was airy soft, the unidentified filling rich and savoury, somewhat reminiscent of roasted mushrooms. Smoky, yes, but also lightly spiced, with just the right amount of salt. She looked up to Dr Chef, who was watching her eagerly. 'These are amazing.' Dr Chef beamed. 'The filling's made from jeskoo. I think you Solans call it white tree fungus. Rather different from the ingredients I grew up with, but it's a good approximation. And the buns are high in protein, too. I supplement the grain with mealworm flour.' 'He won't tell us his recipe,' Kizzy said. 'Bastard's going to take it to his grave.' 'Grum don't have graves.' 'To the bottom of the ocean, then. That's even worse than a grave. Graves you can at least dig up.' She shook a bun at him. 'Some dumb fish is going to eat whatever part of your brain stores this recipe, and we'll all be lost without it.' 'Better eat them while you can, then,' Dr Chef said. His cheeks gave a fluttering puff. Rosemary had deduced that the faster the puffs, the bigger the 'smile.' 'So,' Kizzy said, turning her attention to Rosemary. 'This is your first time tagging along for a punch, right?' 'Sorry, a what?' Rosemary said. Kizzy chuckled. 'That answers my question. A punch is the act of making a tunnel.' 'Oh, right.' Rosemary sipped her tea. Slightly sweet, nothing special. Okay, so it was a little boring, but comforting nonetheless. 'I was actually wondering . . .' She paused, not wanting to sound stupid. 'I know I'll never have to help out with the tunnelling stuff, but I'd like to have a better understanding of how it works.' Kizzy pressed her lips together with excitement. 'You want me to give you a crash course?' 'If it's no trouble, that is.' 'Oh, stars and buckets, of course it's no trouble. I am flattered and you are adorable. Um, right, okay. Have you taken any courses in interspatial manipulation? Probably not, huh?' 'Can't say that I have.' 'Space-time topology?' 'Nope.' 'Transdimensional theory?' Rosemary made an apologetic face. 'Aww!' said Kizzy, clasping her hands over her heart. 'You're a physics virgin! Okay, okay, we'll keep this simple.' She looked around the counter for props. 'Okay, cool, here. The area above my bowl of porridge' – she gestured importantly – 'is the fabric of space. The porridge itself is the sublayer – basically the space in between space. And this groob' – she picked up a small black fruit from her plate – 'is the Wayfarer.' 'Oh, I can't wait to see this,' Dr Chef said, resting his top arms on the opposite side of the counter. Kizzy cleared her throat and straightened up. 'So, here's us.' She swooped the berry over the bowl. 'We've got two ends of space to connect, right? Here and here.' She pressed her finger down into the porridge, making indentations on opposite ends of the bowl. 'So we travel to one end – whoosh – and all the people seeing us fly by are like, oh my stars, look at that totally amazing ship, what genius tech patched together such a thing, and I'm like, oh, that's me, Kizzy Shao, you can all name your babies after me – whooosh – and then we get to our start point.' She hovered the berry above the disappearing dent in the porridge. 'Once we're in position, I turn on the interspatial bore. Did you see it when you flew in? Big ol' monstro machine strapped to our belly? It's a beast. Runs on ambi cells. Our entire ship couldn't hold the amount of algae you'd need to power it. Oh, and fair warning, it's noisy as hell, so don't freak out while it's doing its thing. We're not blowing up or anything. So, yes. Bore warms up. Then we punch.' She slammed the berry down into the porridge. 'And then it gets weird.' 'Weird how?' Rosemary said. 'Well, we're just squishy little three-dimensional creatures. Our brains can't process what goes on in the sublayer. Technically, the sublayer is outside of what we consider normal time. Understanding what's going on in there is like . . . it's like telling someone – a Human, I mean – to see in infrared. We just can't do it. So, in the sublayer, you feel that something is wrong with the world, but you can't put your finger on what it is. It's very, very weird. Have you ever done daffy?' Rosemary blinked. Where she was from, people didn't casually ask about illegal hallucinogens over breakfast. 'Ah, no, I haven't.' 'Hmm. Well, it's kind of like that. Your visual perception and sense of time gets all fucked up, but the difference is that you're fully in control of your actions. When you're studying for your tunnelling licence – that's separate from basic tech studies, so believe me when I say I'm super glad I'll never have to set foot in a school again – you have to practise stuff like fixing the engines or entering in commands after taking a dose of sophro, which is basically a dumbed-down, government-issued version of daffy. Worst homework ever, I assure you. But you get used to it.' She stuck her fingers into the porridge, getting a grip on the hidden berry. 'Okay, so while we're all tripping balls, the ship's pushing through the sublayer, dropping buoys to force the tunnel open. The buoys are there for two reasons. One, they keep the tunnel from collapsing, and two, they generate this field made up of all the same strings and particles and stuff that normal space is made out of.' Rosemary nodded. 'Artificial space.' Finally, a concept she somewhat understood. 'But why do that?' 'So that it's an easy ride for anybody travelling through. That's why you don't notice a difference when you tunnel-hop.' 'And none of this messes up the space outside? I mean, here in our space?' 'Nope, not if you do it right. That's why we're pros.' Rosemary nodded towards the porridge. 'So how do we get out of the sublayer?' 'Okay,' Kizzy said. She started pushing the groob through the porridge. 'Once we get to our exit point, we bust back through.' She shoved a spoon under the groob, catapult style, and raised her fist. 'Kizzy,' said Dr Chef, his voice even. 'If you launch porridge all over my nice clean countertop—' 'I won't. I just realised this won't work. My genius demonstration is flawed.' She frowned. 'I can't fold porridge.' 'Here,' said Dr Chef. He handed her two cloth napkins. 'One for your hands, one for educational purposes.' 'Ah!' said Kizzy, cleaning the porridge from her fingers. 'Perfecto.' She held up the clean napkin, gripping two opposite corners. 'Okay. You know the big grid-like spheres surrounding tunnel openings, with all the blinky warning lights and crackly lightning stuff coming off the joints? Those are containment cages. They keep space from ripping open any farther than we want it to. You have to have one cage on each end of the tunnel.' She gestured with the corners of the napkin. 'So if we've got one cage at this end, and another cage at this end, we've got to construct a tunnel that effectively makes it so that this' – she stretched the corners far apart from one another – 'is the same thing as this' – she brought the corners together. Rosemary frowned. She had a rough idea of how tunnels worked, but she'd never been able to make the idea stick. 'Okay, so, the cages are light-years apart. They're not in the same place. But . . . they behave as if they were in the same space?' 'Pretty much. It's like a doorway connecting two rooms, only the rooms are on opposite sides of town.' 'So, the only place the distance between those two points has been changed is . . . within the tunnel?' Kizzy grinned. 'Physics is a bitch, right?' Rosemary stared at the napkin, struggling to make her three-dimensional brain work with these concepts. 'How do you get the cages in place? Wouldn't it take for ever to travel from one end to the other?' 'Gold star for the lady in the pretty yellow top!' Kizzy said. 'You are totally correct. That's why there are two different ways of building a tunnel. The easy way is what we call an anchored punch. These take place in systems that already have existing tunnels connecting them to other places. So, say you want to connect Stellar System A to Stellar System B. Both System A and System B already connect to System C. You drop a cage in System A. You hop through the existing tunnel from System A to System C. Then you hop from System C to System B. You drop the second cage, then you punch back to System A.' Rosemary nodded. 'That makes sense. Sounds like a roundabout way to get there, though.' 'Oh, definitely, and it's rarely a two-hop trip like that. Especially if the tunnels connect to different planets within the system. Usually takes us a few tendays to get between jobs, sometimes more if we've got a lot of space to cover. That's part of what Sissix does, charting the fastest ways to get between existing tunnels.' Rosemary took a second bun and cracked it open. A puff of steam rose from the fragrant pocket within. 'What if the system you're tunnelling to isn't connected to anywhere?' 'Aha. Then you do a blind punch.' 'What's that?' 'Drop a cage at one end, punch through and find your way to the other side – which is crazy hard to do without the second cage to guide you. Once you get back out, you're working against the clock to get the cage up. Cages are self-constructing, so all you can really do is deploy the pieces and wait a day. But still, you have to deploy it as soon as you get out. Having a cage on one end of the tunnel and none on the other makes things inside unstable. At first, it's no problem, but the longer you wait, the faster it starts to tear. If that happens, it all goes to shit. And when the fabric of space goes to shit, you've got a really big problem.' 'Like the Kaj'met Expanse.' Learning about the Kaj'met Expanse was something of a rite of passage for youngsters, the moment when you realised that space, for all its silent calm, was a dangerous place. The Kaj'met Expanse was a Harmagian territory, half the size of the Sol system, in which space had been completely rent asunder. The pictures from there were terrifying – asteroids drifting into invisible holes, planets snapped in half, a dying star leaking into a debris-crusted tear. 'Yeah, that's a leftover from way back when the Harmagians started building tunnels. All the first ones were blind punches. Had to be. No other way to get from system to system except for going FTL.' 'Right,' said Rosemary, nodding. The ban against FTL was one of the oldest laws on the books, pre-dating the founding of the GC. While travelling faster than light was technologically possible, the logistical and social problems caused by what basically amounted to time travel far outweighed the gains. And aside from the administrative nightmare, few people were keen on a method of transportation that guaranteed everyone you knew back home would be long dead by the time you reached your destination. 'But why not get between systems with a . . . oh, I don't know what it's called. The things deepods use.' 'A pinhole drive. Right, so, a pinhole drive dips you in and out of the sublayer really fast, like a needle and thread. They basically make a bunch of tiny, temporary tunnels to get between places super fast.' 'That much I knew.' 'Okay. Pinhole jumps are fine with a little bitty single-person craft like a deepod, because the holes it makes are too small to do any real damage. Without a cage, the hole closes right up. Think of it like a baby blind punch, only the trajectory is mapped out with a series of marker buoys ahead of time, so the deepod is always following the exact same sublayer path. That's also why deepods have designated travel lanes in populated areas, and why they're equipped with multidimensional warning beacons. You don't want a deepod jumping out of the sublayer into your hull.' 'You can't use pinhole drives with big ships?' 'You can, but it's not a good idea. Holes that big really wear on space, and if you have a lot of them relatively close together, like you would in a deepod lane, they could potentially tear into each other. As a once-in-a-while thing, doing pinhole jumps with a big ship is okay. But if you were sending something the size of our ship in and out of the sublayer as often as a deepod – yeah, that wouldn't be good. Also, pinhole drives are expensive as hell to install, so pretty much no big ships bother with them. Now, if you really need to get somewhere fast – and I mean need, like serious business need – you can put in a request for a pinhole tug. A tug can drag a big ship to wherever it needs to be. Same risks apply, but tugs are super regulated, and they're careful with how they use them. You have to get approval from the Transport Board to use a tug. You see tugs for things like, I dunno, if you need to get a med ship to a bunch of refugees fast, or if the government's sending someone outside of GC space, where we don't have tunnels. So, for ordinary stuff like tunnelling, using a pinhole drive isn't worth the cost, or the risk.' Rosemary took a long sip from her mug. The boring tea was growing on her. Something sweet and unassuming was the perfect complement for the smoky buns. Dr Chef sure knew what he was doing. 'Blind punches sound pretty risky on their own, though.' 'They are. There aren't many tunnellers licensed to do them. That's why we get paid well. Well enough, anyway.' 'This ship does blind punches?' Rosemary didn't like that idea. Burrowing through the space in between space without a clear idea of where you'd be coming back out did not sound like something she wanted to tag along for. 'Yup. We'll be doing one today.' She patted Rosemary's shoulder. 'Don't worry. I know it sounds scary, but we do this all the time. Trust me, we're super safe.' Trust me. This coming from the tech in a grubby jumpsuit with to-do lists written on her sleeve. Rosemary needed a little more reassurance than that. 'How do you know where the ship should come back out?' 'Well, we don't. The best any computer program can do with a blind punch is an educated guess, and that's not good enough. That's why you need a Sianat Pair.' 'You can't do blind punches without a Navigator, not legally or practically,' said Dr Chef. 'You need someone who can comprehend what's going on in the sublayer. Someone who can visualise what's going on.' 'An AI can't do it?' Rosemary said. She knew that there were still things that technology couldn't do, but being reminded of it always surprised her. 'Nope. Think about it,' Kizzy said. 'AIs can't be any smarter than the people who create them. We can code in all the crazy maths and theories we want, but we can't make an AI do things that we don't understand ourselves. And not to freak you out, but we definitely don't understand the sublayer. We've got ideas about it, sure, but the only species who really gets it are the Sianat. Which means the only people who could make an AI on a par with a Sianat Pair are the Sianat themselves. And they sure as hell aren't going to do that.' 'Why not?' 'Because it's heresy,' Dr Chef said. 'The Sianat believe that the abilities the Whisperer gives them are sacred gifts. They believe that since the virus doesn't affect other species, other species aren't meant to possess those abilities. They're happy to do the work for us, but they're not going to share their understanding, not even with software.' 'Interesting,' Rosemary said. Weird, she thought. 'Okay, so, regardless of what kind of a punch you're doing, isn't it possible that you can come out not just in another place, but in another time?' 'Absolutely,' Kizzy said. 'That's why we do our very, very best not to fuck things up. Oh, that reminds me!' She hopped off the stool and ran over to the vox in the kitchen. 'Lovey, can you get me Jenks, please?' There was a pause. The vox snapped to life. 'Mmmwha?' said Jenks on the other end. 'Come get your smoky buns, sleepy, before I eat them all,' Kizzy said. 'What time is it?' 'Ninth hour, ish. You're late.' 'What? Are we at the punch site yet?' 'About an hour out.' 'Shit. Kizzy. Kizzy, I am so hungover.' 'I know.' 'This is entirely your fault.' 'I know, sweetie. Come get smoky buns.' 'Don't "sweetie" me. We're not friends any more. Are you in the kitchen?' 'Yes.' 'Dr Chef, please tell me you have some SoberUps on hand.' 'There's an unopened box in the med bay,' said Dr Chef, puffing his cheeks. 'Okay,' sighed Jenks. 'Okay.' The vox clicked off. Dr Chef gave Kizzy a look. 'Just what did you two get up to last night?' Kizzy took a bite of porridge. 'Waterball semi-finals. I thought it would be more fun as a drinking game.' 'Who was playing?' 'Skydivers versus Fast Hands. Jenks and I each picked a team, and we had to drink when the other scored.' 'Who did you pick?' 'Fast Hands.' 'I take it they won?' Kizzy grinned. 'By twelve.' Dr Chef exhaled a disparaging rumble and fixed his beady eyes on Rosemary. 'Some advice? If Kizzy ever says the words "you know what would be a great idea?", ignore whatever comes after.' 'Don't listen to him,' Kizzy said. 'All my ideas are great.' Dr Chef studied Rosemary, considering something. 'You know, I always sedate myself before a punch. I've never got used to the sublayer, so I find it easier to sleep through it. No one will fault you if you care to join me.' 'Thanks,' Rosemary said, 'but I think I'd like to see how it's done.' 'Attagirl,' said Kizzy, clapping Rosemary on the back. 'Don't you worry. It's a kick in the head, but it's a fun kick in the head.' An hour later, in the control room, Rosemary was buckling the safety harness on her chair when the Sianat Pair entered the room. Rosemary could not help but stare. She had seen pictures of Pairs before, but seeing one in the flesh was different. Ohan had a lanky, four-limbed body, with broad feet and unsettlingly long fingers. He – they walked on all fours, back bowed, rather like the archival vids Rosemary had seen of Earthen primates. Ohan was covered from scalp to toenails with dense, ice blue fur, trimmed short and decorated with shaved fractal patterns that revealed coal grey skin beneath. Their eyes were enormous, long-lashed and visibly wet (Rosemary had read the night before that overactive tear ducts were one of the Sianat virus's many quirks). Their furry face looked relaxed, almost drugged – a look that was corroborated by their loosely held shoulders, the slowness of their motions. They wore robes, of a sort, a snug garment so simple in design that it seemed like an afterthought. Rosemary knew it was unfair to judge other sapients by Human social norms, but Ohan gave her the impression of a stoned college student, showing up late to class in nothing but a bathrobe. She reminded herself that this stoned college student could outmatch an AI when it came to interdimensional physics. 'There's the other half of my team,' Sissix said with a friendly smile. 'This should be a fun one, hmm?' Ohan nodded once toward her, moving with polite formality. 'We always enjoy our work with you,' they said. 'Hey, Ohan,' Ashby said, looking up from his control panel as the Sianat Pair took their seat. 'How are you today?' Ohan sat hunched on their back haunches. Their joints folded up tightly, making the Pair appear much shorter than when they walked in. 'Very well, thank you, Ashby,' they said. They curved their head towards Corbin, before turning their attention back to their workstation. They flicked their long fingers over the controls, bringing the visual readouts to life. Several seconds went by before they raised their head again, noticing that something in the room was different. Their head turned towards Rosemary, owl-like. 'Welcome,' they said with a single nod. As they spoke, Rosemary could see a row of flat teeth. She had read that Pairs filed down their carnivorous points. The thought made her shiver. Rosemary returned the nod, making sure not to break their gaze. Chin down, eyes up. That was how the Linking reference said Sianats greeted others. 'It's nice to meet you,' she said. 'I'm looking forward to seeing you work.' Ohan gave another small nod – pleased, perhaps? – and turned back to their workstation. They pulled out a scrib and a thick pixel pen. Rosemary's eyes widened when she saw that the scrib was running a basic sketch program. They weren't honestly going to puzzle out the inner workings of a wormhole by hand, were they? 'Okay,' Ashby said, buckling his safety harness. 'Let's do this thing. Lovey, patch me through to the techs.' 'You're on,' Lovey said. 'Roll-call,' Ashby said. 'Flight controls, go,' said Sissix. 'Fuel check, go,' said Corbin. 'The interspatial bore is go,' said Kizzy over the vox. 'But I can't find my crackers and you know I don't like to do this without snacking—' 'Think of it next time, Kiz,' said Ashby. 'Jenks?' Jenks's voice chimed in. 'Buoys are go.' 'Lovey, ship status,' said Ashby. 'All ship systems performing normally,' said Lovey. 'No technical or structural malfunctions.' 'Ohan, are you ready?' 'We are eager to begin.' 'Fantastic,' said Ashby. He glanced back to Rosemary. 'You strapped in?' Rosemary nodded. She had checked the buckle three times. 'Right then. Kizzy, start it up.' Deep down in the bowels of the ship, the bore awoke with a baritone howl. Rosemary was glad that Kizzy had warned her about the bore beforehand. It was the sort of sound that felt capable of ripping bulkheads apart. Ashby tapped the arm of his chair ten times, evenly spaced. As he tapped, a trembling grew within the hull. The thing on the underside of the ship pulsed and bellowed. The floor panels shuddered. With a terrible silence, the sky ripped open. It swallowed them. Rosemary looked out the window, and realised that she'd never really seen the colour black before. 'Give me a heading, Ohan,' said Sissix. Ohan stared at the readouts on their screen. Their hand was already darting over the scrib, writing equations in a text that Rosemary did not recognise. 'Ahead sixteen-point-six ibens. Full speed, please.' 'That's what I like to hear,' said Sissix. She threw back her feathered head with a cheer as she sent the Wayfarer hurtling through nothing. There was no real way to say how much time it took to build the wormhole, because, as Kizzy had said would happen, time ceased to have any meaning. There was a clock silently counting minutes and hours above the window, but within the sublayer, they were mere numbers to Rosemary. She kept feeling as if they had just arrived, only to then feel that they had been in there for ever. She felt drunk, or worse, like trying to wake from a fever dream. Her vision swam and shifted. There was nothing beyond the screen, though that same nothingness sometimes seemed to shimmer with colour and gauzy light. The buoys they launched blinked and drifted, like plankton caught in waves. Voices blurred all around her, calling out complex terms that would have meant nothing to her even if she could have processed the words at normal speed. Ohan's voice was the only thing that remained steady, the eye of the storm, directing course changes to Sissix as their hand tirelessly scrawled numbers across the scrib. 'All buoys deployed,' Jenks said over the vox. 'We're ready to set up the lattice.' The words seemed to hang as if the air carrying them had thickened, even though the world itself was playing back in double-time. 'Initiate coupling,' said Ashby. 'Ashby, I think we've hit a pocket,' said Sissix. 'Get us out before we get stuck,' said Ashby. 'Ashby, I think we've hit a pocket.' 'Get us out before we get stuck.' 'Ashby, I think we've hit a pocket.' 'Get us out before we get stuck.' 'Ashby, I think we've—' 'Thirty ibens to port, now!' cried Ohan. The ship lurched and groaned as Sissix jolted them aside. Somehow, despite the artigrav nets, it felt as if they had flipped upside down. Or maybe that they had been upside down to begin with. 'The hell was that?' said Ashby. 'Temporal pocket,' said Ohan. 'Where?' Ohan gave their readout screen a glance. 'Twenty ibens starboard. Five and a half ibens wide. Give it a wide berth.' 'Am doing,' Sissix said. 'Good thing we didn't get stuck.' Corbin scowled at his screen. 'Looks like we did get stuck. Fuel levels are down point-oh-oh-six per cent from where they should be.' 'Buoys holding?' Ashby asked. 'Holding,' Jenks and Kizzy said in tandem. 'Ohan, where's our exit?' 'Three-point-six ibens, ahead,' Ohan said. 'Two-point-nine ibens, up. One . . . no, no, zero-point-seven-three ibens starboard.' Sissix's claws flew over the controls. 'Ready?' Ashby nodded. 'Punch it.' The bellowing below returned. Everyone slammed back into their seats, eyes snapping shut. Time returned with a thud. Rosemary caught her breath, and pulled her fingernails out from the arms of her chair. She looked to the window. The view had changed. A red dwarf lay in the distance, surrounded by several planets. One was partially terraformed, with a small fleet of GC cargo carriers and transport ships clustered nearby. A new colony was being built. A sphere of blinking safety buoys hung in the space around the ship, their yellow lights directing others away from the Wayfarer's work area. 'And that is what we call perfect,' said Ashby. He flicked through the readouts on the panel before him. 'No spatial degradation. No temporal tears. We're exactly where and when we should be.' Sissix whooped. A double cheer came up over the vox, muffled behind Lovey's congratulations. Ashby nodded, satisfied. 'Kizzy, Jenks, I'll leave you two to deploy the cage. The rest of you, call it a day. Great work, everybody. Well done.' 'You know, Ashby,' said Sissix. 'If memory serves, big transport ships like that one there have some nice recreational facilities for weary travellers.' 'You don't say,' said Ashby with a smirk. 'Well, we've just earned ourselves a nice paycheque. I'd say that calls for a few hours off ship. That is, if Ohan and Lovey don't mind keeping an eye on the cage for us.' The Sianat Pair and the AI both voiced their agreement. Sissix cupped her hands towards the vox. 'Party on the carrier in two hours,' she announced. Kizzy's jubilant cry nearly drowned out Jenks, who was moaning something about SoberUps. Sissix turned back towards Rosemary. 'So, newbie. What'd you think?' Rosemary forced a wan smile. 'It was great,' she said. She managed to turn away from the console before throwing up. Day 132–145, GC Standard 306
'I hate this game,' Sissix said, frowning over the chequered pixel board. Ashby took a bite of spice bread. 'You're the one who wanted to play.' 'Yeah, well, I'm going to win one of these days, and then I can be done with it for ever.' She rested her chin on her fists, sighed and gestured toward her bishop. The game piece moved itself forward, leaving a faint trail of pixels in its wake. 'The fact that you people have been playing this for centuries says a lot about your species.' 'Oh? What's it say?' 'That Humans make everything needlessly difficult.' Ashby laughed. 'I could just let you win.' Sissix's eyes narrowed. 'Don't you dare.' She glanced out the Fishbowl's bubbled window, watching the joints of the new containment cage fasten themselves together. A few more hours, and they could be out of here. Not that they had another job lined up yet, but there wasn't any reason to linger. They were due for a market stop, and Sissix was looking forward to having her feet on the ground for a while. 'You know, Aya laughed at me for still playing pixel games. She said they're not cool.' Sissix blinked. 'Tell me she doesn't have a brain jack.' 'Oh, no, no, she just uses slappers.' 'Okay, then. Whew.' Slap patches weren't anything to worry about. They had a box of them in the rec room, little sticky sheets applied below the brain stem, a necessary accessory if you wanted to create a neural link between yourself and a sim, a vid or the Linkings. Slappers had come round after Sissix had reached adulthood, so while she used them on occasion, she still preferred the more tangible comforts of a pixel board and a scrib. Brain jacks, on the other hand, made her skin crawl. She couldn't imagine loving any hobby so much that it warranted putting a techport in her head. Ashby gestured at a pawn. 'Besides, I can't believe there's a doctor out there who'd put a jack in an eight-year-old. Not to mention a parent who'd let it happen.' 'Have you met any of Kizzy and Jenks's friends?' 'Fair point.' Sissix took a sip of mek. She didn't usually start her mornings with the sleepy brew, but she had nothing to do until the cage was finished. She could justify being lazy. She tugged at the heat blanket wrapped round her shoulders, trying to coax away the lingering torpidity. 'Little brains have enough going on without getting all wired up. So do big brains, for that matter.' 'That's what I told Aya.' 'And what'd she say?' 'She called me old.' He rubbed his stubbled chin as he studied the board. 'I am officially the old, boring uncle.' Sissix laughed. 'I highly doubt that. You let her fly our shuttle last time we visited the Fleet.' Ashby chuckled. 'I thought my sister was going to kill me.' 'Exactly. And that makes you cool. Your move, by the way.' Dr Chef lumbered down into the garden, walking on two handfeet, carrying gardening supplies in the other four. 'How's the spice bread?' he asked Ashby. 'The crust's a little crisper than last time,' Ashby said. 'I like it.' 'Glad to hear it. I thought you could all do with some complex carbohydrates after last night.' Ashby smirked. 'Hey, I left the carrier bar at a reasonable time, with my reputation intact. I am the very picture of restraint.' 'Ha,' Sissix said. A guilty grin spread across Ashby's face. 'Okay, maybe I got a little happy.' A chorus of laughter erupted from Dr Chef's throat. 'At least you were quiet about it. Unlike a particular trio of inebriated Humans I found raiding the med bay at sixth hour.' 'Oh no,' said Sissix with a smile. 'What did they do?' 'Nothing scandalous. Kizzy and Jenks were in search of some SoberUps, and Rosemary had fallen over onto one of the examination tables. Dead asleep. I think she actually tried to match drinks with those two.' Sissix laughed. 'Oh, I bet she did, and I'm sure they talked her into it. By the time I left, they were six rounds of kick deep, and had just ordered sugarsnaps. Poor thing, she'll be miserable today. Did you get her to her room?' 'Kizzy did. I think she put her in the freight elevator. Her feet and her brain were operating on completely different frequencies.' Ashby shook his head with amusement as he moved his rook. 'Well, hopefully she understands that the techs just wanted to give her a welcome. And that she never has to go through it again.' He leaned back in his chair. 'Also, checkmate.' 'What?' Sissix cried, leaning forward. 'No, that's . . . wait . . . shit.' Her shoulders sagged. 'But I had a strategy and everything.' 'Sorry to mess it up.' She studied the board, trying to figure out where she'd gone wrong. Nearby, Dr Chef was tending to one of his planters, breathing out a low, droning whisper, as always. His version of silence. Sissix watched his pudgy fingers weave bracing knots of twine round the wandering shoots. Sissix never failed to be surprised by how agile Dr Chef's movements were. The man looked like a pudding with legs, yet his handfeet let him move as nimbly as a dancer. 'How's your ginger?' Sissix said. 'Fat and happy,' he said, tying back the tall stalks. Dr Chef puffed his cheeks with pride. The ginger had been Jenks's idea, and few things made Dr Chef happier than meeting the crew's culinary requests. 'Although, I have to admit, I like eating the flowers much more than the root. Far too potent for my taste. Nice and crunchy, though.' Ashby turned his head. 'You know ginger's an accent, right? Like a spice?' 'What? No. Really?' 'Did you try to eat it whole?' 'Oh, dear. Yes.' Dr Chef rumbled a laugh. 'I thought it was some sort of spicy potato.' 'I have never understood potatoes,' Sissix said. 'The whole point of a potato is to cover it with salt so you don't notice how bland it is. Why not just get a salt lick and skip the potato?' 'Don't ask me,' Ashby said, standing up. 'Potatoes are a grounder thing.' 'You done playing?' asked Sissix. 'Yeah, it's a little after tenth hour. The newsfeeds will be updated.' His tone was easy, but there was a serious look in his eye as he said it. 'Okay,' she said. She knew what feeds he'd be checking, and it made her want to hug him. Not a quick, stiff Human hug – a long hug, the kind you give to friends when you know something's bothering them. But she'd learned long ago that those kind of embraces just didn't happen platonically among Humans. It was one of the many social instincts she'd learned to temper. Dr Chef tied one more knot, grumbled with satisfaction and took Ashby's empty seat. In his top handfeet, he held a mug printed with an Ensk expression: 'KISS THE COOK.' A past birthday gift from Kizzy, who always ignored the fact that none of the non-Human crew members traditionally celebrated birthdays. Sissix lifted the pitcher of mek sitting beside the pixel board. 'More?' Dr Chef considered. 'Just a half cup,' he said, extending the mug. 'I suppose we're all entitled to a lazy day once in a while.' 'That we are.' Sissix filled Dr Chef's mug halfway, then filled her own to the brim. She could feel the muscles in her cheeks and throat relax as the warm, bitter-sweet brew washed over them. The feeling bloomed throughout her shoulders, her neck, her arms, washing away all the remaining scraps of tension that the previous cup had softened. Stars, she loved mek. Dr Chef cradled his mug in his handfeet. He nodded towards the pixel board. 'A very typical Human game.' 'How so?' 'All Human games are based around conquest.' 'Not true,' she said. 'They've got lots of cooperative games. What about Battle Wizards?' Scarcely a tenday went by in which Kizzy and Jenks didn't plug into that game – with slappers; even those two weren't dumb enough to jack – exploring magical worlds and sharing merry adventures inside their heads. Dr Chef waved a free handfoot dismissively. 'I don't mean brain games. I mean stuff like this,' he said, gesturing to the pixel board. 'The classics. Things Humans have been playing since before they even knew there were other planets out there. All conquest, all competition. Come to think of it, even Battle Wizards is like that. The players work together, but they're still working to defeat a common enemy – the game itself.' Sissix mulled this over. The idea of Humans as conquerers had always been a laughable one. Not just because they had meagre resources or because the Diaspora could never get anything done, but because the Humans she knew personally were so unassuming. Ashby was one of the kindest individuals she'd ever met, of any species. Jenks didn't have any ambitions beyond living comfortably alongside people he liked. Kizzy had managed to drop a sandwich into an air duct last tenday, so they hardly needed to worry about her launching a coup. Corbin was a hateful pain in the ass, but harmless, and a coward, too. And yet, Human history – pre-Exodus, at least – was rife with cruelty and endless war. Sissix had never been able to make sense of that. Dr Chef pushed the chess pieces around the board. 'Grum games are rather similar, thematically. I think our species are rather alike, in some ways. Humans would've died out, too, if the Aeluons hadn't chanced upon the Fleet. Luck's what saved them. Luck, and discovering humility. That's really all that makes Humans different from Grum. Well, aside from the obvious.' He chuckled, gesturing to his body. Sissix laid her hand across Dr Chef's closest foreleg. There would be no more Grum in a century or so, and there was nothing to be done about it. She knew that Dr Chef had long ago made peace with his species' impending extinction. Even as he referred to it now, there was no sadness in his voice, no bitterness. But that didn't mean that she couldn't feel it on his behalf. Dr Chef patted her hand, more for her sake than his. He glanced over his shoulder toward Ashby, who was leaning against the kitchen counter, reading feeds on his scrib. Dr Chef spoke in a low whisper, quieting all the voices that came from his mouth. 'Am I wrong, or has Ashby been checking the news a lot these days?' Sissix nodded, knowing what he was asking. 'The Rosk have been hitting the colonies at Kaelo hard.' 'And that's where . . . ?' 'She was headed last, yeah. Not that the feeds give many details.' Understanding passed between them. They both knew that Ashby wasn't worried about a war that would never come to his doorstep. His concern revolved round one of the Aeluons stuck on the fringes of that war. Her name was Pei, and she and Ashby had been coupling as often as they could for years now. She was a civilian cargo runner, hired to haul medical supplies, ammo, tech, food, whatever the Aeluon forces needed. Given the nature of her work, she couldn't always send text or jump on the ansible when she was heading into contested territory, for fear of giving away troop locations or becoming an easy target. Ashby often went tendays without hearing from her, and during such times, it was not unusual to find him checking newsfeeds. When he did hear from her, and had a rough idea of her location, the checking became all the more targeted. It didn't help Ashby's well-being at all, not that Sissix could see, but Humans always got a little dumb when sexual partners were involved. Close as Sissix was to Ashby, she'd never met Pei, or even seen her. The woman was an enigma. But Ashby's lack of forthcoming had nothing to do with Sissix, and everything to do with Aeluon prudishness. An Aeluon – especially one working alongside respectable soldiers – could get in a hell of a lot of trouble for pairing up with someone from another species. Everybody aboard the Wayfarer knew about Pei, of course, but they understood why Ashby needed to keep it quiet. Everyone had stopped asking questions about her – at least, while Ashby was in the room – and even Kizzy was smart enough to keep her mouth shut about it when they were around other people. 'It's not good for him to check the news all the time,' Dr Chef said. 'It's not as if they'd print her name if anything happened.' 'You tell him that,' Sissix said. 'I can't,' Dr Chef sighed. 'I did the same thing when my daughters were off at war. That's why I don't like that he's doing it. I know how all that wondering can eat away at a person.' He shook out his cheeks, as if brushing himself off. 'This conversation has become entirely too heavy. Would you like to play a game with me? Or have you had enough for one morning?' 'I'm down for another. You want to play chess?' 'Stars, no. Let's play something Aandrisk. One of your lovely "let's team up and solve a puzzle" games.' 'Tikkit?' 'Oh, I like tikkit. I haven't played it in years, though, not since I lived in Port Coriol.' 'Well, I'm not very good at it, so we'll be a balanced team.' She voiced the change in game to the board. The pixels reassembled themselves accordingly. 'So, what about Aandrisk games?' 'Hmm?' 'What do Aandrisk games tell you about us?' 'That you're clever, fond of sharing and just as dysfunctional as everybody else.' Sissix laughed. 'I can't argue that.' They began the game, and the conversation segued into tikkit strategy. Sissix was just starting to think that they might actually win when Ashby broke his silence. 'Whoa,' he said to himself. Then again, more publicly, as he hurried back towards them. 'Whoa.' 'Everything okay?' Sissix said. All spacers knew that a lot of bad things could happen to a ship in a short amount of time, especially when sitting in the mouth of a brand new tunnel. Seeing a crewmate in a hurry always made her adrenaline kick. 'We're fine,' he said. He laid his scrib down beside the pixel board and gestured over the screen. The vid feed playing on the screen leapt into the air and hovered above the scrib. It was a Human news programme – Fleet-based, from the sound of the reporter's accent. Sissix and Dr Chef leaned forward to listen. '—yet to confirm how long membership talks have been in place, but sources indicate that a small team of GC ambassadors have been secretly in communication with the Toremi Ka for at least two standard years.' 'The Toremi?' Dr Chef said, his whiskers rustling in surprise. Sissix could not mimic his physical response, but she shared the feeling. The Toremi were not a species that was mentioned often in the news. They were not a species that was mentioned often at all. Sissix knew little of them, other than that they controlled a tight ring of territory surrounding the galactic core, and that they had been industriously killing each other for decades. Ashby shook his head, a gesture of both confirmation and disbelief. 'One of their clans has just been granted GC membership.' Sissix set down her mug. 'What?' Her brain reeled. 'Wait, what?' If that was true, the Commons Parliament had gone insane. The Toremi clans, from what few accounts of them there were, came across as both vicious and incomprehensible. Never a good mix. The clans had been discovered by the Harmagians nearly five hundred standards prior, when a probe found Toremi ships skip-driving (which was dangerous as hell) round and round the galactic core, like fish following a current. No one knew why, and the Toremi themselves showed no interest in talking to their galactic neighbours. They kept up their nomadic loop until about forty standards back, when they stopped in their tracks and started slaughtering each other over claims to stationary territories. And again, no one knew why. No one could get close enough to ask. The Toremi blocked all access to the core. Ships that got close were pushed back. Ships that slipped through came back in pieces, or not at all. But aside from butchering trespassers, the Toremi had kept to themselves, of no concern to anyone except the scientists and entrepreneurs frustrated by a walled-off core. Ashby put his finger to his lips, and pointed to the scrib. '—official statement from the GC ambassadorial committee explains that the Toremi Ka are the only Toremi clan currently taking part in this membership agreement,' the reporter explained. 'Other clans have remained neutral in this agreement, and reportedly have displayed no hostility toward the GC. The GC has vouched for the Toremi Ka, stating – quote – "we stand by the good intentions of our new allies, who are committed to enjoying the benefits of a more unified galaxy." As part of the new membership agreement, the GC will not aid the Toremi Ka in offensive attacks against other Toremi clans. However, use of military force will be authorised to defend territories shared by the Toremi Ka and the GC.' Dr Chef scoffed. 'In other words, the Toremi Ka get big GC battleships sitting on their borders, and the GC gets easy access to all the ambi sitting on the other side.' He shook his head. 'No good can come from a species at war with itself. Never has, never will.' His eyes grew small, and he hrummed deeply. Sissix knew his thoughts had gone to his own people, his own war. She reached out and squeezed his topmost shoulder. His eyes grew large again, focusing on her. He came back. He puffed his cheeks and laid one of his handfeet atop her claws. 'Wait,' Ashby said. 'Huh.' 'What?' Sissix said. He blinked. 'This is what Yoshi was talking about.' He looked at Sissix. She understood. 'We could do this,' she said, and nodded. 'Yeah, we could handle this.' 'Handle what?' Dr Chef said. 'If they're going to be mining and pulling ambi, they need a way to get their hauls back home.' 'And they're going to need single-ship hops in place before they can start thinking about convoy tunnels,' Ashby said. He straightened up, deep in thought. 'This is exactly the kind of work that could get us ahead. A job like this, they're not going to pay small.' 'Work,' repeated Dr Chef. 'You want to work out there? With those people?' 'Every tunneller's going to jump on this once they hear the news,' Sissix said. 'Then we better beat them to it,' said Ashby. 'Let's go draft a letter of intent. We need to call Yoshi, too.' 'You think he's big enough to lead a project like that?' 'Oh, no chance. But he'll know who to contact. I'll have Lovey send him a sib invite, I have no idea what time it is there. And you'll need to help me figure out roughly how long it would take us to get to Central space from our current location. I'm assuming that's where they'll want us to punch from. Is Rosemary up yet?' Sissix remembered the last time she'd seen Rosemary the night before: head propped against her palm, smiling from ear to ear, words slurring thickly. 'I'm going to guess she's still asleep.' Ashby rolled his eyes. 'Get her some SoberUps. This is exactly the sort of thing I hired a clerk for.' 'I'll fix her a plate of breakfast,' Dr Chef said. He wagged a finger at Sissix. 'You tell the techs they picked a terrible night to break her in.' 'To be fair,' Sissix said, getting to her feet. 'I don't think they were planning on the GC losing its mind.' Received message Encryption: 1 From: Vlae Mok Han'sib'in (path: 4589-556-17) To: Ashby Santoso (path: 7182-312-95) Subject: Tokath/Hedra Ka project Kind greetings, Captain Santoso. My name is Vlae Mok Han'sib'in, and I am writing to you on behalf of the GC Transportation Board. We have received your letter of intent regarding tunnel construction into Toremi Ka space. Connecting our allies to existing GC territories is a high priority for the Commons Parliament, and we have great need for skilled contractors such as yourself to help us enter into this new chapter of interspecies cooperation. After reviewing your work record and assessing our needs, we agree that the Wayfarer would be an excellent choice to assist in our endeavours with the Toremi Ka. This assessment is reflective not only of your professional expertise, but also of your recent decision to employ a certified clerk. We see the latter as a sign of your dedication to upholding the standards of the GC Transportation Board. We are pleased to offer you the following project. The GC is in need of a new single-ship tunnel connecting Central space (Tokath Gateway) to Hedra Ka, the capital planet in Toremi Ka territory. This would eliminate our current reliance on pinhole tugs in that sector, and would be our first step towards establishing cargo convoy tunnels. Before you accept, we ask you to carefully consider the conditions of this project. Normally, a blind punch would be the most expedient means of connecting to an unanchored territory. However, Hedra Ka is located in a soft zone. As I am sure you are aware, the environmental risk factors in such an area make a blind punch from Tokath nearly impossible. In the interest of protecting both spatial stability and sapient life, this project would require an anchored punch between Hedra Ka and the Tokath Gateway. As there are currently no tunnels that connect GC and Toremi space, this poses a challenge. We propose that the Wayfarer travels to the Del'lek Lookout Station, at the GC border. This is the closest anchored point between GC space and Hedra Ka. A pinhole tug would rendezvous with you there, in order to bring your ship through to Hedra Ka. Given your current position, we estimate that a journey to Del'lek would take between 0.8 and 0.9 standards, depending on your choice of route. The pinhole jump would take an additional four days. To help cut down your travel time, the GC would hire another contractor to place the exit cage at Tokath in advance. We understand that this is an unusual proposal, but given the circumstances, we do not have (nor require) a more expedient plan for completing this project. We also understand that the required travel time represents a significant commitment from yourself and your crew. The GC is willing to cover your basic living and operational expenses for the duration of your travels, in addition to your payment for the project. We also understand that space travel can impose unexpected delays, and that the mental health of your crew will require occasional rest stops along the way. In light of these needs, we do not demand a specific arrival date, but instead require that you arrive at any time before 165/307. You will also have the freedom to chart your own flight path and make stops as you see fit, though an efficient route is obviously a priority. If you are not confident that your crew or your ship can withstand this journey, it is best that you do not accept this project. The offered payment for the Hedra Ka project is 36M credits (expenses not included; non-negotiable). We will expect a reply from you by 155/306. This project will not be offered to any other contractors during that time, so please do not make a hasty decision. If you have any questions regarding this project, feel free to contact my office. If I am not available, my AI, Tugu, will be able to assist you. With gracious regards, Vlae Mok Han'sib'in Ashby (00:10): sissix, are you there? (00:11): pick up your scrib (00:14): hello? Sissix (00:15): text (00:15): realy (00:16): how fuckng quaint Ashby (00:16): did i wake you up? Sissix (00:17): yes (00:17): im goin to complain my boss bout this n th mornin Ashby (00:17): sorry. it's important (00:17): i just forwarded you a letter Sissix (00:18): why cnt yo come to my room i hat typng Ashby (00:18): because i don't want anyone to hear what we're saying Sissix (00:18): ship ok? Ashby (00:18): yes, just read the damn letter Sissix (00:19): give me minut (00:19): need to heat bed i can barly mov Ashby (00:19): get a heat blanket and let's go Sissix (00:24): ok better (00:24): can actually use my hands now, hooray Ashby (00:24): READ IT Sissix (00:24): ok ok (00:27): HOLY SHIT Ashby (00:27): shh, i could hear you yell through the wall Sissix (00:27): ashby (00:27): this (00:28): holy shit (00:28): we just won the jackpot Ashby (00:28): sis, if you don't stop making noise in there, i'm going to space you Sissix (00:28): how are you NOT making noise (00:28): are you seeing how much money this is (00:29): PLUS EXPENSES (00:29): ashby this is more than we brought in all of last standard (00:29): and this would be just profit (00:30): pure profit, no expenses Ashby (00:30): i know (00:30): i still can't wrap my head around it Sissix (00:30): we could get a new bore for this, easy (00:31): and all sorts of new tech (00:31): just like we talked about (00:31): stars, ashby (00:32): and not to be pushy, but your crew could get a bonus (00:32): for example Ashby (00:32): yes (00:33): it's incredible, i know (00:33): but we need to be smart about this (00:33): this is one hell of a haul Sissix (00:34): we're used to long hauls between jobs (00:34): we'll be okay Ashby (00:34): this is the better part of a standard we're talking about (00:35): that means no vacations, no visiting family unless they're in our flight path and a lot of stasie food Sissix (00:35): it's not like we won't dock when we can. i can plot us a nice smart course that gives us plenty of market stops and places to put our feet on the ground Ashby (00:36): i know Sissix (00:36): but? Ashby (00:36): it's toremi space (00:36): those people have been at war for ever (00:37): and i don't know anything about them Sissix (00:37): ashby, the GC wouldn't send us in if it wasn't safe (00:38): we're an unarmed tunnelling ship, no one will be concerned with us (00:38): if anything, that long haul gives them plenty of time to get their diplomatic shit sorted out before we arrive (00:39): and i am sure that place will be swarming with bureaucrats and GC troops (00:39): all we have to do is get there, punch a hole and jump back home Ashby (00:40): so long as they don't start murdering each other again once we're there (00:40): i don't even know what language they speak (00:41): oh (00:41): wait Sissix (00:41): what Ashby (00:42): rosemary (00:42): i hadn't even thought of her (00:43): do you think she's up for this? Sissix (00:43): in terms of job or psyche? Ashby (00:43): both (00:44): a standard's a lot to ask even for spacers like us (00:44): this is all new to her Sissix (00:45): well, as far as the job goes, she's got plenty of time to get her claws sharp (00:45): so to speak (00:46): as for her personal life, she's dodged every question i've asked about family, and she's single, too (00:46): i don't get the impression that she's in any rush to visit home (00:47): besides, you read the letter (00:47): hiring her essentially got you this job (00:47): so even if she's useless the rest of the way, at least she did that much Ashby (00:48): ouch Sissix (00:48): i'm kidding (00:48): kind of Ashby (00:49): it's so much money (00:49): we could do so much with this (00:50): and what a project Sissix (00:50): like i said (00:50): jackpot (00:51): you've earned this (00:51): i've known you a long time, ashby (00:51): trust me (00:51): you've earned this Ashby (00:52): thank you, sis (00:52): sorry for waking you, i just needed to pick your brain (00:52): i'll need to discuss it with the crew before i decide anything Sissix (00:53): so let's discuss it with them Ashby (00:53): no sis wait Throughout the ship, the voxes snapped to life. 'EVERYBODY, WAKE UP! BIG NEWS! CREW MEETING! REC ROOM IN FIVE!' Ashby (00:54): i'm going to space you, sissix Sissix (00:55): you love me Feed source: Galactic Commons Reference Files (Public/Klip) Item name: Astronomy > Home Galaxy > Regions > Galactic Centre (Core) > Natural Resources Encryption: 0 Translation path: 0 Transcription: 0 Node identifier: 9874-457-28, Rosemary Harper The Galactic Centre, colloquially called the Core, is home to several unusual astronomical phenomena, including a supermassive black hole and a high concentration of stellar clusters. These unique conditions indicate that the Galactic Centre is the Home Galaxy's largest source of raw fuel materials, such as ambi, as well as metals and minerals used in spacecraft construction and terraforming. Estimates of the available resource yield are speculative at best, but the scientific community widely accepts that the amount of harvestable ambi sources in the Galactic Centre contain a supply more than four times the amount present in all combined GC territories. Though the presence of such materials has been confirmed by Harmagian long-range survey probes, the Galactic Centre remains largely unexplored by GC member species, due to Toremi territorial claims. Related topics: Black holes Accretion disks Stellar clusters Ambient energy theory Commercial fuel sources Ambi harvesting Toremi Interstellar exploration (Harmagian) Spacecraft construction Terraforming Galactic regions and territories (Home Galaxy) Traditional names for the Home Galaxy (by species) Day 163, GC Standard 306
Ashby wasn't a judgmental man, but anyone who didn't like Port Coriol lost a few points in his book. GC space had plenty of neutral markets that welcomed spacers of all species, but the Port was something special. Even if you didn't need to stock up, the spectacle of it was well worth the trip. Sprawling streets stuffed with open-air shopfronts, overflowing with clothes and kitsch and sundries. Grounded ships, gutted and transformed into warehouses and eateries. Towering junk heaps lorded over by odd tinkerers who could always find exactly the part you were looking for, so long as you had the patience to listen to them talk about their latest engine mod. Cold underground bunkers full of bots and chips, swarming at all hours with giddy techs and modders sporting every implant imaginable. Food stalls offering everything from greasy street snacks to curious delicacies, some with rambling menus of daily specials, others with offerings so specific that the only acceptable thing to say at the counter was 'one, please.' A menagerie of sapients speaking in a dizzying array of languages, shaking hands and clasping paws and brushing tendrils. How could you not love a place like that? On some level, Ashby could understand how Port Coriol might be a little jarring to someone accustomed to the glossy prefab trade centres you could find throughout the GC, each as sterile and uniform as the other. The markets of the Port were anything but corporate, and the colony's independent, anything-goes attitude was exactly what made it so beloved – or, to some, rather unsavoury. Ashby conceded that the Port was a little dirty, a little scuffed round the edges. But dangerous? Hardly. Crime, for the most part, was limited to low-stakes scams aimed at tunnel-hopping students or gullible tourists. So long as you had two brain cells to rub together, Port Coriol was as safe as anywhere else. Trade was well regulated, too – that is, as regulated as you wanted it to be. Merchants who risked the ire of the port authority didn't last long, and even those dealing in shadier merchandise had plenty of honest permits and legitimate goods on hand to keep watchful eyes happy. Port Coriol's black market was no secret, but it was carefully managed. Not that Ashby ever tried his luck with such things. Losing his licence would ruin him, and possibly his crew as well. Despite Kizzy's regular pleas to let her buy something that would give the engines 'a li'l more kick,' it was smarter to keep things above board. The Port's soft orange sun warmed Ashby's skin as he led his crew through the crowded shuttle dock. Accustomed as he was to living behind sealed walls and thick plex, being outside was refreshing. As usual, though, he had forgotten about the smell – a heady mix of fuel, dust, spices, fire, perfume, kitchen grease, solder and the natural odours of a dozen or more sapient species. Behind it all was the constant mossy funk emanating from the surrounding shores. The moon of Coriol was tidally locked, which allowed an uninterrupted source of sunlight to fall upon the skins of matted scum that capped its quiet seas. The merchants and traders who kept permanent residence on the moon often made their homes on the dark side, away from the sun and the stink. For many sapients – Sissix and Dr Chef included – the smell was too much to handle unfiltered. Respirators and breathing masks were a common sight, even among the people who lived there. The shuttle docks were lined with booths selling masks to newcomers who had not been forewarned of the Port's signature scent. But Humans, with their relatively poor sense of smell, could wander the streets with nostrils fully exposed. Most Humans, anyway. Corbin had opted to wear a full breathing helmet – the Exolung Deluxe, a weighty contraption that boasted the best airborne allergen and pathogen filtration system available. Ashby thought it looked like a jellyfish tank fitted with limp balloons. 'Destination, please,' droned the AI at the quick-travel desk. It wasn't a free-thinking program like Lovey, but a limited model, unable to do anything beyond scripted tasks. Its casing was meant to resemble a Harmagian head, complete with chin tendrils for making facial gestures. The long, doughy face was coated in a skin-like polymer, and it was not entirely unlike the species it mimicked. But its digital voice cracked round the edges, and the tendrils twitched with palsied age. Nothing about it could be confused for something alive. 'Two to the bug farms,' said Ashby, indicating himself and Dr Chef. The AI chirped in acknowledgment. Ashby pointed to Corbin. 'One to the algae depot.' Chirp. Ashby pointed to Jenks. 'One to the tech district.' Chirp. Ashby turned to Sissix. 'And you guys can walk, right?' 'Yeah,' said Sissix. 'Our sundry run starts right through the gate here.' 'That's all,' Ashby said. He waved his wristwrap over the scanner on the counter. A short beep indicated that payment had gone through. 'Very good,' said the AI. 'Your quick-travel pods will be dispatched momentarily. Should you need additional transport or directions, look for the quick-travel symbol, as displayed atop this kiosk. If you lack a sense of sight, you may request a complimentary location indicator from this or any—' 'Thank you,' Ashby said, though the AI was still speaking. He led the crew away from the booth. Jenks remained behind. The AI continued on, unfased by the departure of its audience. 'Location indicators come in models fit for all species, and can provide alerts in a variety of sensory inputs, such as smell, taste, sound, dermal stimulation, neural stimulation—' 'Is Jenks coming?' Rosemary asked. 'Jenks always waits until the end of the speech,' Kizzy said with a fond smile. 'Just to be polite.' Rosemary looked back to the jittery AI. 'That's not a sentient model, is it?' 'I don't think so,' said Ashby. 'But try telling Jenks that. He always gives AIs the benefit of the doubt.' 'Which is absurd,' Corbin said. His voice was muffled by the breathing mask. 'So is that thing on your head,' muttered Sissix. Ashby jumped in, addressing the group before Corbin could fire back. 'Okay, folks. You know how this works.' He saw Jenks give the AI a courteous nod before walking over to join them. 'Same drill as always, but this time, we've got GC expense chips to buy stuff with. Necessary purchases only. Everything else goes on your wristpatch. The GC's not going to like it if they get a bill for four-course meals and body massages.' 'Well, there goes my afternoon,' Jenks said. 'Rosemary, everybody's got their chips, right?' 'Right,' Rosemary said. 'And everyone should have a list of approved expenses on their scribs, just for reference.' 'Good. Once you've knocked everything off your list, you're free to do whatever you fancy until morning. Let's try to be on our way by tenth hour.' His scrib pinged, indicating he had a new message. 'Sorry, just a sec.' He pulled his scrib out from his satchel and gestured at the screen. The message appeared. Received message Encryption: 3 Translation: 0 From: Unknown sender (encrypted) Ashby's heart skipped. I couldn't help but notice a hideous tunnelling rig that just docked in orbit. I'm back from the border, but heading out soon. In three hours, I'll officially be on two days of shore leave. I've already made it clear that I'm taking some alone time. Are you free to share it with me? No signature, but Ashby didn't need one. The message was from Pei. She was here. And most importantly, she was okay. She was alive. Even though he could feel tendays of tension leaking away, Ashby managed to remain nonchalant. He placed his scrib back in his satchel and rubbed his hand over his chin. Shit. He hadn't shaved. Ah, well. Pei was a cargo runner. Even though her species lacked hair, she of all people could understand a lapse in personal grooming. Sissix was eying him as he turned back to the group. He raised his eyebrows at her, then put his captain face on. 'Well, what are you all waiting for? Go buy stuff.' Rosemary hurried after her crewmates, anxious to not get lost. The shuttle dock had been crowded enough, but now that they were weaving their way through the market gates, the likelihood of her getting swept away in a sea of traders had increased. Getting lost wasn't what scared her, exactly. It was more the prospect of getting mugged. Or harassed. Or stabbed. She'd seen a few people that definitely looked stabby. And weren't wristpatch thieves a thing in places like this? Hadn't she heard a story about someone who had visited Port Coriol, wandered their way into the wrong shop and woken up in an alley with their patch arm amputated? Okay, maybe that was a little far-fetched, but given that she'd just walked past an Aeluon whose entire face was a mosaic of implants, she wasn't ready to rule out the possibility of arm-stealing patch thieves just yet. She was grateful to be with Sissix, whose presence was reassuring, and Kizzy, who was probably loud enough – in both volume and clothing – to deter stealthier criminals. They both looked like people who knew what they were doing. She hoped some of that might rub off on her. 'You sure you don't want to go to the tech caves, Kiz?' Sissix asked. 'Nah,' said Kizzy. 'Jenks has my list. I'll pop in later to say some hellos and ogle the gizmos. But I'm all space-twitchy. I need open sky and fresh air.' She threw her arms wide and inhaled dramatically. 'Ahhhhhh.' 'Mmm. Yeah. Fresh air,' Sissix said, huffing through her breathing mask. 'You know the feeling, right, Rosemary?' Kizzy bounced over to her. 'You grew up planetside.' 'It's nice having real gravity,' Rosemary said. 'Aww, have you been spacesick?' 'Just a little around the edges. But it's no trouble, I'm getting used to it.' 'We'll look around for balance bracelets. I'm sure somebody's selling them.' Sissix scoffed with amusement. 'Those things are such a scam.' 'Are not,' Kizzy said. 'My grandma, she wears 'em every time she goes up and she says they work like awesome.' 'Your grandma also thinks she can talk to her imubots.' 'Okay, yeah, but she never gets spacesi—oh, shit.' Kizzy looked down at her boots. 'Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact.' Rosemary averted her eyes once she saw the source of Kizzy's panic: a simple, friendly table, covered with sealed terrariums and clay (clay!) bowls filled with info chips. Such tables were a common sight in the public squares of Florence, and the outfits of the table's keepers were instantly recognisable. They wore heavy biosuits, like ancient Lunar explorers, sealed and padded to a degree that made Corbin's helmet look almost sensible. Rosemary had heard that their used suits were placed into sealed containers and shot into space. Standard decontamination processes weren't enough for them. There could be no risk of corrupting their immune systems – or worse, the natural flow of Human evolution. Gaiists. They certainly were their own brand of crazy. 'Shit,' Kizzy said. 'I made eye contact.' 'Nice job, Kiz,' Sissix said. 'I didn't mean to!' A Gaiist man beelined for them, cupping a round terrarium in his gloved hands. 'Hello, sisters,' he said. A small vox below the suit's faceplate transmitted his voice. His Klip was good but heavily accented, full of imprecise consonants that hinted at a lack of regular use. 'Would you like to see one of the small wonders of your mother planet?' He held the terrarium out to Kizzy and Rosemary, ignoring Sissix altogether. Rosemary mumbled a 'no, thanks.' Kizzy babbled about being 'late for a thing.' 'I'd like to see it,' Sissix said. The Gaiist man's face went stony within his helmet. With a strained smile, he held up the terrarium. Behind the plex, a complicated yellow flower sprang up from a cradle of moss. 'This is an orchid,' he said, the foreign word jutting oddly into the surrounding Klip. 'A delicate plant that once grew in Earthen swamps and rainforests. Like much of Earth's diverse flora, these beautiful flowers went extinct in the wild during the Collapse.' His eyes kept darting between Kizzy and Rosemary, anxious to see them take interest. 'Thanks to the efforts of our hardworking folks back home, orchids have successfully taken root in a few restored rainforests.' 'It's beautiful,' Sissix said. She sounded like she meant it. She pointed at the flower and turned her head to her companions. 'Your genitals look kind of like this, right?' Kizzy burst out laughing. Rosemary felt her cheeks flush. 'Hey, I have a question,' Sissix said, addressing the now-stammering Gaiist. She reached out to touch the terrarium. Within his suit, the Gaiist recoiled at the sight of alien claws hovering over Earthen moss. 'The scientists in the Samsara Project, do they work with orr-kids, too?' The Gaiist frowned. 'They may,' he said thinly. 'But one cannot have much success with dirt if one lives with his feet in the sky.' A hint of piousness crept into his friendly tone. Rosemary almost felt sorry for the Gaiist. Sissix was baiting him, trying to make him drop the nature lesson pretence and come out swinging with the tenets of Gaian Purism. On the surface, the Gaiist goal of healing their species' barely habitable homeworld was a noble one. But this was the same goal shared by the scientists of the Samsara Project, who lived in the silvery orbital ring that encircled Earth – a ring built not by Humans, but by philanthropic Aeluons and Aandrisks. And though restoration efforts on the ring were headed by Humans, many scientists working alongside them were from other worlds. Diehard Gaiists – especially the kind who braved shuttle docks in search of lost souls – hated that. The Gaiist turned to Rosemary and Kizzy, the edge leaving his voice, a bit of desperation creeping in. 'If you should have some time to yourselves during your stay here' – in other words, away from the alien – 'please come see us again. We have many more Earthen wonders to share, and even more in the habitat tanks aboard our ship.' He switched the terrarium into his left hand and reached into his satchel. 'Here,' he said, handing them each an info chip. 'Take these as a gift. They contain videos of some of the magical places that await you on our homeworld. Just stick them in your scrib and enjoy.' He smiled, as if the mere mention of Earth brought him peace. 'Do come see us again, sisters. You are always welcome among us.' The Gaiist man retreated to his table, leaving the three crewmates to make a hasty departure. 'And that,' said Kizzy, tossing the chip into the first trash box she saw, 'is why you never make eye contact. Way to go, self.' 'You know, there are crazy speciest Aandrisks, too,' Sissix said. 'But they don't go bugging other people about it.' 'What do your crazy speciests do?' Kizzy asked. Sissix shrugged. 'Live on gated farms and have private orgies.' 'How is that any different than what the rest of you do?' 'We don't have gates and anybody can come to our orgies. Except the Laru. They're allergic to us.' 'Stars,' Kizzy said, leading the way into the marketplace proper. She pulled a bag of algae puffs from her satchel and began crunching away. 'I can't believe Mala used to go for that stuff.' 'I can't believe she used to be a Survivalist,' said Sissix. 'She seems so grounded. No pun intended.' 'Sorry, who?' asked Rosemary. 'Mala. Jenks's mom,' said Kizzy. 'She's in the Samsara Project. Works with mammals. You should ask Jenks to show you some pictures of her little fuzzballs. Oh my stars, the wombats—' Rosemary paused. She must've heard something wrong. 'Wait, she was a Survivalist?' That couldn't be right, not if this woman lived on the ring. Survivalists were as extreme as Gaiists could go. They weren't just xenophobic, but technophobic to boot. They believed that technology was what doomed their planet from the beginning, and the only way to achieve redemption was to live like the animals they were. Survivalists were strict hunter-gatherers and genetic purists, abstaining not just from routine gene therapies, but from vaccinations, too. Weakness, they believed, had to be bred out. They seemed to ignore the fact that the only reason Earth had land capable of supporting them at all was because the Solar Republic had given them a large territory of restored grassland, filled with edible plants and herds of prey all brought back to life by scientists using frozen DNA and gestation chambers. Rosemary didn't know Jenks well at all yet, but how could that level-headed, laid-back comp tech come from a Survivalist mother? 'Yeah, she fell into it during her teens,' said Kizzy. 'Ran away from home, hitched a ride to Earth, joined a clan, ate honest-to-God wild meat, the whole thing. Can you imagine?' She fell into a theatrical stalking crouch. 'You're like, all sneaking through the grass' – she skipped from side to side – 'dodging snakes or rats or whatever, and you've just got this big pointy stick, and you have to run up to this fucking buffle—' 'Buffle?' said Sissix. 'It's like a big cow or something. And then you stab it and stab it and stab it, and it's all throwing you around like oh, shit—' Kizzy flailed in non-specific pantomime, unaware or uncaring of the other marketgoers eying her cautiously. A few stray algae puffs flew from the bag. 'And there's hooves in your face and blood everywhere, everywhere, and then it's dead, and then you have to take it apart with your hands. And eat it.' She raised her hands to her mouth, making messy chewing sounds. 'Ugh, the end, please,' Sissix said, grimacing. 'Did Jenks grow up down on Earth? In a clan?' Rosemary asked. 'No, but he was born into one. That's why he's small,' said Sissix. 'No prenatal therapy.' 'Oh,' Rosemary said. 'I thought he was a genetweak, but I wasn't sure how to ask.' 'Yeah, no, it is a genetic thing, but he was born with it,' Kizzy said. 'And by the way, I'm sure you scored some points with him by not pointing it out right off the bat. He doesn't mind questions, but he does get tired of it.' Sissix continued. 'See, Mala didn't get any routine screenings after she got pregnant. She—' 'She almost died during childbirth,' Kizzy said. 'Seriously almost died. Can you believe that? Who dies in childbirth? Fucking archaic. And Jenks'd totally be dead too if Mala hadn't decided to be awesome. Her buying into the crazy Survivalist stuff stopped the moment there was talk of killing her kid.' Rosemary's mouth dropped. 'They were going to kill Jenks?' Kizzy nodded, stuffing a handful of puffs into her mouth. 'Srvsts mmdn mmf – hrm.' She swallowed. 'Survivalists abandon babies if they're sick or different or whatever. Just like, oh, hey, this one's kind of weird, better leave it behind so we can weed out the weak genes.' Kizzy clenched her fists, crushing the puffs within the bag. 'Gah! It's so stupid!' She looked down at the bag as if seeing it for the first time. 'Aww.' 'So what happened?' Rosemary asked. 'I made crumbs.' 'No, I mean to Mala.' 'She ran away again,' Sissix said. 'She got away from the clan, found a group of scientists working planetside. See, they—' 'No, you're missing the badass part,' Kizzy said. 'She had to walk, okay, like a crazy long way, just hoping she'd find someone past the Survivalist border. No skiffs, no skimmers, no shuttles. Just walking. Bare-bloody-foot. With, like, lions everywhere. Lions.' 'Not everywhere,' Sissix said. 'Listen, when you're talking about lions, it doesn't matter if they're literally everywhere,' Kizzy said. 'Knowing there are a few lions that might be around is bad enough.' 'Well, anyway, the scientists on the Ring gave Mala and Jenks safe haven, and she came around to the fact that they weren't so bad. She took a shine to biology, and that's where she's been ever since.' 'No university or anything,' Kizzy said. 'Just started shovelling shit in the breeding pens and learned the ropes from there. She's still a Gaiist, though, just in a mellow way. A lot of the Human scientists on the Ring are, actually. They believe in all the souls-tied-to-the-planet stuff, and they don't like being far from Earth, but they scrap all the speciest whatever for the fuckery that it is. And apparently she was only mildly freaked out when teenage Jenks decided to go see the rest of the galaxy. She's totally fine with it now. A lot of Gaiists are cool people. Unlike those assholes.' She jerked her head back towards the missionaries. 'Could Jenks not get gene therapy when they went to the Ring?' Rosemary asked. 'I mean, even the Gaiist scientists must be okay with standard medicine.' 'Yeah, they are. They've got imubots like the rest of us, and they vaccinate, thank goodness. Gene therapy's kind of iffy. They're usually cool with tweaking for quality-of-life reasons, but not cosmetic ones.' 'Then, why—' 'Why didn't Jenks get tweaked? Like I said, only for quality of life. Just look at that happy bastard. His life would be total quality at any size.' 'But they couldn't know that when he was a baby.' 'Mala wouldn't let them do it. Jenks says once she got the doctors to admit that him being small didn't mean he wasn't healthy, it wasn't even a question for her. Didn't have anything to do with the Gaiist stuff at that point. He says she was just sick of people telling her that there was something wrong with her kid.' She stopped and looked around. 'And I've totally been walking the wrong way.' 'What's first on our list?' asked Sissix. Kizzy pulled out her scrib. 'Plex cleaner,' she said. 'Followed by scrub bot dispensers.' 'Can we get unscented ones this time?' Sissix begged. 'Ashby always gets the lemon ones, and I hate coming into the bathroom after cleaning day and smelling citrus.' 'You've got something against being lemony fresh?' 'You know iski?' 'No.' 'Yes, you do. Little green fruit, grows in clusters of three?' 'Oh, yeah.' 'Smells like lemons, right?' 'Kind of.' 'Yeah, we anoint our dead with iski juice.' Kizzy laughed. 'Oh, no, eww. Okay, unscented scrub bots it is.' She took another look at her list, and tapped it emphatically, like a politician making a speech. 'Listen, we are going to be a rock-solid shopping team today. We're sticking to the list, and that's it. I always spend way too much here on shit I don't need.' Something over Rosemary's shoulder caught her attention. 'Like those.' Without another word, Kizzy ran off towards a stall full of juggling supplies. Sissix sighed. 'And so it begins,' she said, watching Kizzy dig through a box of shimmering batons. 'If you thought today was about getting supplies, you're wrong. Today is about Kizzy wrangling.' As they walked after the mech tech, Sissix put her arm round Rosemary's shoulder. The easy familiarity made Rosemary blink, but she also felt a spark of pride. Even if she got mugged before the day was out, at least she was in good company. Jenks walked down the ramp to the underground tech district – or, as it was better known, the caves. At the entrance, an Aandrisk man with a stun gun sat on a stool near a multilingual sign. The text read: THE FOLLOWING ITEMS CAN CAUSE HARM TO TECH, BOTS, AIs, MODDED SAPIENTS AND SAPIENTS USING PERSONAL LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS. DO NOT BRING ANY OF THESE ITEMS INTO THE CAVES. IF ONE OR MORE OF THESE ITEMS IS IMPLANTED ONTO OR WITHIN YOUR BODY, DEACTIVATE IT BEFORE ENTERING. Ghost patches (surface-penetrating ocular implants) Hijacker or assassin bots Hack dust (airborne code injectors) Improperly sealed radioactive materials (if you're not sure, don't chance it) Anything running on scrub fuel Magnets At the bottom of the sign was a handwritten addendum, only in Klip: Seriously, we are not fucking around. As Jenks passed by, the Aandrisk nodded congenially, his twin ocular implants glinting in the busy artificial light. Every shop and stall in the caves had different lighting mechanisms to help distinguish themselves from the others. The caves were a cyclone of ambient blues, shifting rainbows, simulated sunrises, projected starfields. Within each shop, the lighting could be appreciated, but in the corridors in between, the overlapping effects created an odd mishmash of colour and shadow. It was like walking through a drunk kaleidescope. Jenks felt at home in the caves, and not just for the endless rows of neatly packaged, hand-hacked goodies. Many of the folks there were hardcore modders, people prone to removing their own limbs in favour of synthetic replacements. Walking through the caves, you might see metallic exoskeletons, or swirling nanobot tattoos, or unsettlingly perfect faces that betrayed a weakness for genetweaks. Facial patches, dermal ports, home-brewed implants. Alongside such oddities, his small stature was nothing special. It was hard to feel weird in a place where everybody was weird. He took comfort in that. He walked through the pathways, making mental notes of places he'd have to check out later. Jenks was a veteran of the Port, and he knew that there was only one acceptable place to begin before he started throwing credits around. The shopfront he arrived at wasn't as fancy as some. A sign made from a broken circuit board hung overhead. Old bits of junk had been stuck to it in the shape of letters. 'The Rust Bucket,' the sign read, and in smaller letters, 'Tech Swap and Fix-It Shop,' and in smaller letters still, 'Pepper and Blue, Proprietors.' Jenks stood on tiptoe to look over the top of the counter. Pepper was hunched over a workbench, her back to him, muttering to herself. She reached up to scratch the back of her hairless Human head, leaving behind a smudge of machine grease. If she noticed, she did not seem to care. 'Hey, lady!' Jenks barked. 'You know where I can score some stim bots?' Pepper turned round, not bothering to mask her irritation at being asked such a stupid question. Her face brightened once she realised who was doing the asking. 'Jenks!' she said, wiping her hands on her apron and coming round the counter. 'What the hell are you doing here!' She knelt down to give him a friendly hug. The hug was warm, but her arms were thin. Too thin. For as long as Jenks had known Pepper, her hugs always prompted a burst of sympathy within him. Pepper and her companion Blue were escapees from a fringe planet called Aganon, one of the last bastions of the Enhanced Humanity movement. Unequivocally cut off from the Diaspora and the Galactic Commons, Enhancement colonies bred their people in gestation chambers, basing their genetic make-up on calculations of what their society would be in need of once they reached maturity. Their genes were tweaked beyond recognition, improving health, intelligence, social skills – whatever was needed for the jobs they were destined to fill. Menial labour was performed by people bred without any genetic alterations at all, save two: infertility and a lack of hair (to make them easy to spot). The Enhanced were so convinced of their superiority over the labouring class that they had been utterly unprepared for Pepper's improbable exodus, which began with a lucky late-childhood escape from a tech manufacturing plant, and culminated within a massive junkyard that became her temporary home. There, among countless other cast-off things, Pepper found hidden treasure: a derelict interstellar shuttle. Using only what scraps she could find, Pepper patched and hacked and coaxed the shuttle back to life. It took her over six standards to get the thing flying, and nearly a standard more to steal enough fuel. The cost of her freedom was severe malnutrition, which had almost killed her by the time her shuttle was picked up by a GC patrol ship. She'd been on Port Coriol for eight standards, long enough to become a staple of the local modder community, and her health had been well looked after during that time. But though she loved to eat (she had taken her name after discovering the joys of seasoning), her metabolism just couldn't catch up. Her waifish body was never going to fill out. The fact that Jenks and Pepper could be standing in the same place – she from a world where genetweaks were a mandate, he from a mother who had shunned traditional healthcare altogether – was a real testament to the openness of the Port, as well as the weirdness of Humanity. It was also probably why he and Pepper had always got along so well, be it out of compassion or sheer amusement. Well, that, and their deep, undying love for all things digital. That undoubtedly helped. 'How's the Wayfarer?' Pepper asked. This was always her first question, and it was not small talk. Her interest in his ship – in all ships, for that matter – was genuine. 'Flying smooth as ever,' Jenks said. 'Just did a blind punch to Botas Welim.' 'That's the new Aeluon colony, right?' Pepper asked. 'Yup.' 'How'd it go?' 'Textbook. Except our new clerk didn't take to the sublayer well. Blehhh.' He pantomimed an explosion from his mouth. Pepper laughed. 'Oh, I want to hear all the gossip. You got time for a cup of mek after we get our business sorted? I've built a brewer that'll change your life.' 'Well, I can't say no to that.' 'Good. So what's next? You got something else lined up?' 'Yeah, actually,' Jenks said with pride. 'You hear about the Toremi alliance?' Pepper rolled her eyes. 'Honestly, what the fuck are they thinking?' Jenks laughed. 'I dunno, but we're getting some awfully good work out of it. Tokath to Hedra Ka. That's us.' 'No way,' Pepper said, her mouth falling open. 'You're going to the Core?' 'Yup. And an anchored punch, to boot.' 'Shit. Really? Wow, that's a serious haul. How long?' 'About a standard. GC's got our tab, though. All we got to do is get there and punch back.' Pepper gave her head a quick shake. 'Good for you guys, but I'm glad it's not me.' She laughed. 'Oh, man, I'd get so twitchy on a ship that long. Still, though. The Core. How many people can say they've been there?' 'I know, right?' 'Wow. Well, that explains why you're here. I take it you have a shopping list for me?' 'Most of it's from Kiz. She's off getting sundries.' Jenks handed her his scrib. 'You tell her she better poke her head in here before you guys leave orbit. I won't let her leave without a hello.' 'Like she'd let that happen. We could meet up with you and Blue on the dark side later, if you guys don't have plans. Do dinner or something. I did just get paid.' 'I like that idea a lot. Especially the part where you're buying.' She scrolled through his list, slowly. Reading wasn't her strongest suit. 'Okay, current modulators. Go to Pok, the Quelin down by the bot alley. You know him?' 'I know of him. He's creepy as hell.' 'I can't argue there, but he's not a bad guy, and he doesn't package his stuff in grax like the others do. Trust me, his modulators are top notch.' 'What's wrong with grax?' 'It's good, cheap protection for your tech, but it'll dull your receiver nodes if you leave them wrapped up too long.' 'No kidding?' 'Well, folks who sell grax disagree, but I swear my tech's been pluckier since I stopped buying anything packaged in it.' 'I'll take your word for it.' Pepper continued with the list. 'Switch couplers, go to Hish.' 'Hish?' 'Open Circuit. Hish is the owner.' 'Ah, okay. I've never been to Open Circuit. I've always gone to White Star.' 'She charges more than White Star, but I think she's got way better stuff. Tell her I said so, she might knock a few credits off.' She read on. 'Six-top circuits I can do you for, as long as you don't mind getting them used.' She reached up to a shelf, grabbed a hand-wrapped circuit pack and set it on the counter. 'Your version of used is usually better than new,' Jenks said. He meant it. Pepper was a wizard when it came to bringing tech back from the dead. Pepper smirked. 'You charmer, you.' Her eyes flicked over the scrib. 'Coil wraps,' she said. 'Hmm. I think I've got some tucked away somewhere . . .' She pawed around, then tossed a bag of tiny metallic bundles onto the counter. 'There ya go. Coil wraps.' 'How much?' Jenks asked, pushing back his wristwrap. She waved her hand. 'You're buying me and my man a meal. We're square.' 'You sure?' 'Positively.' 'Fair enough,' he said. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. 'Pepper, there's something I'm looking for that's not on the list.' 'Go for it,' Pepper said. 'Just out of curiosity. Nothing serious.' It was, of course, a very serious request, but even with a friend like Pepper, it required a bit of caution. Pepper gave a slow, understanding nod. She leaned forward on the counter, speaking in a hush. 'Purely hypothetical. I gotcha.' 'Right.' He paused. 'How much do you know about body kits?' Pepper raised her eyebrows – or rather, the spot where her eyebrows would be if she had any hair. 'Damn, you don't start small, do you? Oh. Uh, no offense.' 'None taken. Look, I know kits are tricky to find . . .' 'Tricky to find? Jenks, that kind of tech is so banned it practically doesn't exist.' 'There's got to be somebody, though. Some modder with a bunker somewhere—' 'Oh, I'm sure there is. But nobody I know offhand.' She searched his face. 'What do you want a body kit for anyway?' Jenks tugged at the spacer in his left ear. 'If I said it was personal, could we leave it at that?' Pepper said nothing, but he could see in her eyes that she was putting pieces together. She knew what his job was. She'd heard him talk about Lovey, however casually. Jenks could feel himself begin to sweat. Stars, I must look pathetic, he thought. But Pepper just gave a lazy smile and shrugged. 'Suit yourself.' She thought for a moment, her face growing serious. 'But may I say, as a friend, that if a body kit comes your way – and yes, if by some astronomical stroke of luck I find a supplier, I'll contact you – I really, really hope you know what you're doing.' 'I'll be careful.' 'No, Jenks,' Pepper said. All room for discussion was gone from her voice. 'I'm not talking about you getting arrested. I'm talking about you doing something dangerous. I hate to pull the my-past-is-a-sad-story card, but listen: I am the end product of a few very stupid, well-intentioned people who thought it would be a great idea to redefine Humanity. It didn't start with much. A tweak here, a splice there. But things escalated, as they always do, until it became something completely beyond reason. That's exactly why body kits are banned. Some people who know a hell of a lot more about ethics than you or me decided that they didn't think the GC was ready or equipped to support a new kind of life. And yeah, as things are now, AIs are treated like shit. You know I'm all for giving them full rights. But this is murky territory, Jenks, and much as I hate to say it, I'm not sure body kits are the solution. So however innocent your intentions, think about what you're doing first. Ask yourself if you're ready for that kind of responsibility.' She held up her thin hands. Her palms were thick with old scars, left over from a decade of digging through sharp junkyard scraps. Memories of hunger and fear and a world gone wrong. 'Ask yourself what the consequences might be.' Jenks thought hard. 'If you feel that strongly about it,' he said at last, 'then why would you tell me if you found a supplier?' 'Because you're a friend,' she said, the edge leaving her voice. 'And because making connections is what I do. And if you're serious about this, I'd rather you go through me than some back-alley hack. Though, truth be told, I'm also hoping that by the time I find someone, you'll have decided I was right about it being a bad idea.' Pepper put a little sign on the counter: In The Back, Yell For Service. 'Come on, we need some mek. And I want to hear about this spacesick newbie of yours.' Ashby sat in the hotel room he'd paid for an hour earlier. He was thinking about waterball. Not that he particularly cared about waterball, but it was easier to handle than the alternative. When he'd woken up that morning, he'd been ready for a day of haggling and spending credits, the high point of which might've been drinks and a good meal in a sleepy bar. Now, he was on the dark side of Coriol, surrounded by thick pillows and ugly wall hangings while he waited for Pei, who was not only alive and well, but close by and intent on having sex with him. Waterball was easier to process. Okay. Titan Cup finalists, year 303. Let's see. The Whitecaps had to have been playing, because Kizzy freaked out when Kimi St Clair tore a ligament. The Starbursts were there, right? Yeah, you bought Aya a Starbursts jersey for her birthday that year. She said they were her favourite. Left unchecked, his thoughts jumped like a deepod, ducking in and out before he could lay any of them to rest. He had too many feelings lobbying for attention. Relief for Pei's safety. Joy over seeing her at any moment. Baseless worry that her feelings had ebbed. Determination to follow her lead (stars only knew how she was feeling after tens of tendays spent skirting warzones). And fear. Fear, which he felt every time they met. Fear that in the tendays ahead, after she'd returned to more dangerous space, this hello might end up being a goodbye. No, no, the Starbursts had to have been 302, not 303. That was the same birthday Aya got her first starter scrib, which means she was starting school. Which means 302. There was a vague anxiety, too, the concern that they'd get caught this time. He couldn't think of anything he'd left unchecked. Their system for avoiding notice was old hat by now. He always found the hotel – nothing flashy, something off the beaten path and preferably somewhere they hadn't been before. He'd make it clear to the desk staff that he needed some rest and didn't want to be disturbed for any reason. Once in his room, he'd send Pei a message with nothing but the hotel name and the room number, which she'd delete after reading. Two hours later, long enough to prevent anyone from suspecting anything, she'd arrive at the hotel, and request whatever room number was adjacent to his. This was easily done, as complex numerology was a well-known component of traditional Aeluon culture. There were so many conflicting systems for finding meanings within numerical sequences that no matter what room number Ashby got, Pei could find a way to put a positive spin on the number she requested. A non-Aeluon desk worker would assume that Pei wanted a room with a number that symbolised peace or good health, whereas an Aeluon would just see her as unusually old-fashioned for her age (and perhaps a little silly). After settling into her room, Pei would knock on the adjoining wall. Ashby would make sure the hallway was empty, then leave his room. After that, they were good to go. A lengthy song-and-dance to go through just to see each other, but a necessary one. As open and generous as Aeluons generally were to their galactic neighbours, interspecies coupling remained a mainstream taboo. Ashby didn't understand the logic behind that – it was a non-issue for most Humans, at least where bipedal species were concerned – but he understood the danger for Pei. An Aeluon could lose her family and friends over an alien relationship. She could lose her job, especially when on a government contract. And for someone like Pei, who took pride in being a hard worker with a honed skill set, that kind of shame would cut deep. Ashby, focus. The Whitecaps. The Hammers. The . . . the Falcons? No, they haven't made it to a semi-final match since you were crewing aboard the Calling Dawn. What about the – oh, stars, Ashby. Come on. Waterball. Alongside all the emotional distractions he was trying to subdue, Ashby was engaged in a battle of wills, a fight between brains and biology. He knew it was pretty much a given that he'd be getting laid any moment, but he didn't want to be presumptuous. He had no idea what she'd been through prior to this meeting, and until he had a clear sense for where she was at, he was going to let her make the first move. And even if she was on the same page as him . . . well, he still had good manners. Even if his body was getting ahead of itself. Ashby. Waterball semi-finals. Year 303. The Skydivers won. Who else was— A knock came through the wall, quiet but clear. He left the Titan Cup behind. 'Soap!' Kizzy cried, pointing to a stall full of bathing goods. 'Look at 'em! They're like cakes!' She ran off, her hefty bag of purchases bouncing against her back. 'I guess I could use some scale scrub,' Sissix said. She and Rosemary followed after the mech tech, who was already poking through display baskets. The shop was run by a Harmagian merchant, whose offerings catered to the needs of many species. Coarse brushes and bundles of herbs for Aandrisk steam baths, fizzing tablets and warming salves for the icy plunges preferred by Aeluons, skin scrapers and cleansing tonics for Harmagians, a modest yet cheerful selection of Human soaps and shampoos and dozens more jars, bottles and tins that Rosemary could not identify. The galaxy's sapient species could find many cultural commonalities, but few topics were quite as contentious as the proper way to get clean. The Harmagian – a male, as Rosemary could tell by the color of the spots across his back – whirred over on his treaded cart as they approached. 'A pleasant day to you, dear guests,' he said, his chin tendrils curling happily. 'Have you come to browse, or do you have something special in mind?' The dactyli on the ends of his three front tentacles spread open in a helpful gesture. He was elderly, and the pale yellow skin covering his amorphous body lacked the moistness of youth. Rosemary had known Harmagians before – her Hanto professor, for one, and several of her father's regular dinner guests – but she always had trouble reconciling their appearance with their history. The person before her was, like all his species, a mollusc-like blob who couldn't move around quickly without the help of his cart. He didn't have teeth or claws. He didn't have bones. Yet somehow, there had been a time when this squishy species had controlled a significant portion of the galaxy (and they still did, if you watched where the credits flowed, but they weren't in the habit of subjugating indigenous sapients any more). She had once read a paper by an Aeluon historian who suggested that the Harmagians' physical frailty was exactly what had helped them develop a technological edge over other species. 'Want and intelligence,' the historian had written, 'is a dangerous combination.' When she considered the historical context, Rosemary thought their presence in the shop made for a rather odd tableau: a Harmagian (an aging son of a former empire), an Aandrisk (whose people had moderated the talks that granted independence to Harmagian colonies and ultimately founded the GC) and two Humans (a meager species that would've been ripe for the picking if they had been discovered during the days of Harmagian conquest). All standing together, amicably discussing the sale of soap. Time was a curious equaliser. Kizzy poked around the Harmagian's offerings. 'Have you got any – Ooh! Can I ask you in Hanto? I've been taking a course on the Linkings and I want to practise.' Sissix eyed Kizzy with scepticism. 'Since when?' 'Dunno, five days ago?' The slits on the ends of the Harmagian's eyestalks crinkled with amusement. 'Please, let me hear.' Kizzy cleared her throat and coughed out a few wobbly syllables. Rosemary cringed. Not only had Kizzy spoken nonsense, but without the accompanying gestures, the attempt had come across as a bit rude. But the Harmagian ululated in laughter. 'Oh, my dear guest,' he said, tendrils quivering. 'Forgive me, but that was the worst pronunciation I have ever heard.' Kizzy gave a sheepish grin. 'Oh, no,' she said, and laughed. 'It is not your fault,' said the Harmagian. 'Humans have much difficulty in mimicking our tonal shifts.' Rosemary put a hand near her collarbone and waggled her fingers, as she had done many times. It was a crude imitation of tendril gestures, but it was the best a Human could do. 'Pala, ram talen, rakae'ma huk aesket'alo'n, hama t'hul basrakt'hon kib,' she said. Perhaps, dear host, but with some extended effort, we can share your fine words. Kizzy and Sissix turned their heads towards Rosemary in unison, as if seeing her for the first time. The Harmagian flexed his tendrils with respect. 'Well and successfully done, dear guest!' he said, speaking in his own tongue. 'Are you a spacer merchant?' Rosemary stretched her fingers. 'Not a merchant, and only recently a spacer,' she said. 'We three crew aboard a tunnelling ship.' The words were true, but they still sounded strange, as if they belonged to someone else's life. 'My friends and I have come to the Port to acquire supplies.' 'Ah, tunnelling! A well-travelled life. You will need plenty of things to keep you clean along the way.' The Harmagian straightened his tendrils cheekily. His eyeslits dilated as he shifted his gaze to Kizzy. 'Have you found something to your liking?' he asked in Klip. Kizzy held a brick of blood-red soap. 'I need this,' she said, pressing her nose against it and inhaling deeply. 'Oh my stars, what is this?' 'That's made with boiled eevberry,' the Harmagian said. 'A very popular scent on my homeworld. Though, of course, we don't mix it into soap. What you hold there is a fine blending of our two cultures.' 'I'll take it.' Kizzy handed the Harmagian the soap. He took hold of it with two of his smaller tentacles, each covered in a sheath-like glove to protect his delicate skin. He zipped behind the counter and busied himself with foil and ribbon. 'There you go, dear guest,' said the Harmagian, handing her the attractively wrapped bundle. 'Just chip off a little piece of it at a time, it'll last longer that way.' Kizzy stuck her nose to the wrapper again. 'Mmph, that smells good. Check it out, Rosemary.' Rosemary couldn't help but inhale as Kizzy shoved the block of soap into her face. The scent was thickly sweet and sugary, like a cake. She imagined using it would be like bathing in a meringue. 'That's eight hundred sixty credits, if you please, thank you,' the Harmagian said. Kizzy stuck out her hand to Rosemary. 'Can I have the chip?' Rosemary blinked, not sure if she had understood. 'You want the company chip?' 'Yeah, it's soap,' Kizzy said. 'Soap is cool, right?' Rosemary cleared her throat and looked down at her scrib. No, soap wasn't cool, not fancy soap, but how could she tell Kizzy that? She had come onto Kizzy's ship, been welcomed by Kizzy with open arms, let Kizzy buy her too many drinks, had vastly less experience than Kizzy in things like tunneling and shopping in neutral ports. But even so – 'I'm sorry, Kizzy, but, um, we can only use the chip for common-use soap. If you want special soap, you have to get it yourself.' She felt the words come out of her mouth, and she hated them. She sounded like a killjoy. 'But—' Kizzy started. Without a word, Sissix grabbed Kizzy's wrist and pressed it to the merchant's scanner. There was a corresponding chirp, indicating her account had been accepted. 'Hey!' Kizzy said. 'You can afford it,' Sissix said. 'A pleasure doing business with you,' said the merchant. 'Do come back when you are next in port.' His voice was friendly, but Rosemary could tell by his twisting tendrils that the exchange over payment had made him awkward. She gestured a quick, silent apology. He gave her a respectful flex, and scooted off to help other customers. Sissix frowned at Kizzy as they exited the shop. 'Kiz, if we're flying through a rough patch, and I tell everybody to drop what they're doing and strap down, what do you do?' Kizzy looked confused. 'What?' 'Just answer the question.' 'I . . . stop what I'm doing and strap down,' Kizzy said. 'Even if it's inconvenient?' 'Yeah.' 'And if you need everybody to not use water taps for a while because you need to fix the lines, which is hugely inconvenient, what do we do?' Kizzy scratched the tip of her nose. 'You stop using taps,' she said. Sissix pointed at Rosemary. 'This woman here has the worst job of all of us. She has to live on our ship, with all us gloriously stubborn dustheads, and tell us which of our well-worn habits are against the rules. That sounds scary as hell to me, but she's done it without coming across like a hatch parent. So even though it's not always convenient, we're going to listen to her when she needs to do her job, because we expect her to do the same in return.' She looked to Rosemary, who was busy hoping the ground might swallow her up. 'And you, Rosemary, have the right to kick our asses over stuff like this, because not passing inspections or getting grounded over unpaid invoices is every bit as much trouble for this crew as anything else.' 'Unpaid invoices won't suck you into space,' mumbled Kizzy. 'You know what I mean,' said Sissix. Kizzy sighed. 'Rosemary, I am sorry for being a jerk,' she said, looking at her toes. She lifted up her block of soap as if she were paying homage to royalty. 'Please accept my soap as an apology.' Rosemary gave a little laugh. 'It's no problem,' she said, relieved that she hadn't been perceived as the jerk. 'Keep your soap.' Kizzy considered this. 'Can I buy you lunch at least?' 'Really, it's okay.' 'Let her buy you food,' said Sissix. 'Otherwise she's going to come up with some other ridiculous gift out of penance.' 'Hey, you liked the Twelve Days of Jam Cakes,' Kizzy said. 'That I did,' said Sissix. 'I almost wish you'd break my scrib more often.' 'Knocked it into a pot of soup,' Kizzy confessed to Rosemary. 'And stuck her arm in after it,' said Sissix. 'Out of reflex!' 'And spent the next hour in the med bay getting her burns treated.' 'Whatever. You got jam cakes, stop being mean.' Sissix pointed at Rosemary's scrib. 'We need anything else in this district before we eat?' Rosemary scrolled through the list. 'I don't think so. Didn't you say you wanted some scale scrub?' 'Yeah, I didn't like what he had, though,' Sissix said. 'Mind if we keep looking?' The three crewmates drifted from stall to stall, enquiring after scale scrub. After several apologetic noes, one puzzled look and one long-necked Laru who swore that his holistic desert salts would work just as well, Kizzy tugged on Sissix's vest. 'I bet that lady's got some,' she said, pointing. 'Where?' said Sissix, turning round. Her face softened when she saw the merchant, an old Aandrisk woman seated beneath a small woven canopy, surrounded on three sides by tables full of handmade goods. The woman's feathers were faded, their frills worn and sparse. Her skin was cracking, like old leather, and though the single garment she wore – a soft pair of trousers – was bright and clean, something solemn hung round her scaled shoulders. Sissix said something to herself in Reskitkish. The sibilant words were lost on Rosemary, but she saw Kizzy's eyebrows knit together. Sissix pressed a palm towards her companions. 'Sorry, ladies, wait here. I'll try not to be long.' She headed for the merchant, who was too busy stirring a cup of something hot to see Sissix approach. Rosemary and Kizzy looked at one another. 'Do you know what she said?' Rosemary asked. 'My Reskitkish sucks,' Kizzy said. 'But she sounded upset. Dunno what she's up to.' She nodded at a nearby bench. 'Guess we'll chill for a bit.' They took a seat. Across from them, the merchant looked up at Sissix. The old Aandrisk smiled, but she looked hesitant, as if she were embarrassed about something. Rosemary could see Sissix's mouth moving, but the words were lost to distance (not that Rosemary could understand the language anyway). As Sissix spoke, her hands weaved in subtle patterns, shifting and darting like small flocks of birds. The old woman's hands moved in response. At first, their respective motions were discordant, but as their conversation continued, they began to mirror one another. 'Do you know Aandrisk hand speak?' Rosemary asked. Kizzy glanced up from the lock of hair she was braiding. 'Not really. Sis taught me a couple of 'em. Just basic stuff. "Hello." "Thanks." "I enjoy your company but I don't want to have sex."' She watched Sissix and the merchant for a moment. She shook her head. 'I have no idea. They're way too fast. But Sissix is speaking out loud, too, which is interesting.' 'Why would she speak if she's using sign language?' 'No, no, it's not like a sign language. Hand speak doesn't match up with Reskitkish.' Rosemary was puzzled. 'This is a stupid question, but then what is it? Is it like facial expressions? Or Hanto gestures?' 'No.' Kizzy pulled a ribbon from her pocket and tied off the braid. 'Hand speak expresses things that are either too basic to waste words on or too personal.' 'Too personal?' 'Yeah, stuff that's really important or hard to say. Like about love or hate or stuff you're scared about. You know how when you have something big to tell someone, you stammer through it or sit in front of your mirror practising what to say? Aandrisks don't bother with that. They let the gestures take care of all the awkwards. They figure that big, deep feelings are universal enough to be defined with just a flick of the hand or whatever, even though the events that cause those feelings are unique.' 'That must save them a lot of time,' said Rosemary, wondering how much of her life had been spent trying to find the right words in difficult conversations. 'Seriously. But back in the day, you could also use hand speak while you spoke. It was used to add emphasis to stuff you said out loud, so that folks knew you really meant it. Sissix says you can still use it like that, but it's old-fashioned, and you only do it in special circumstances.' She nodded toward the stall, where the two Aandrisks were now moving in sync. 'What we're seeing here is Sissix being super respectful. And honest.' 'But she doesn't know that merchant, right?' 'Dunno. Don't think so. But that lady's old, so maybe she's just being old-fashioned for her sake.' Rosemary watched the Aandrisks. Their hands moved in a graceful, hurried dance. 'How are they matching each other?' she asked. Kizzy shrugged. 'I guess they agree on something.' Her eyebrows shot up. 'Oh. Like that.' Sissix had sat down with her back against one of the tables, spreading her legs to either side. The older woman joined her, leaning her back against Sissix's front. They adjusted their tails accordingly. The old woman leaned her head into Sissix's chest, her eyes falling shut. Sissix pressed one palm against the old woman's stomach, holding her close. With her other hand, she spread her fingers wide and ran them up from the old woman's scalp to the tips of her feathers, tugging the shafts gently as she went. To Human eyes, they looked like reunited lovers behind a bedroom door, not at all like two strangers in a open-air market. Even across the street, the old woman's face was easy to read. She was in bliss. Rosemary was bewildered. She knew Aandrisks were uninhibited (by Human standards, she reminded herself), but this went beyond what she was expecting. 'Um,' she said. 'So . . .' 'I have no idea,' said Kizzy. 'Aandrisks. I don't even fucking know.' She was silent for a few seconds. 'Do you think they're gonna go for it?' she whispered, leaning forward with childlike curiosity. 'I bet they are. Holy shit, is that even legal here? Oh, I hope they don't.' But the Aandrisks did not couple, though they continued their spontaneous intimacy for a good half an hour, stroking feathers and nuzzling cheeks, oblivious to the stares of passers-by. At one point, two other Aandrisks strolled past without more than a casual glance, as if nothing was going on. Rosemary wasn't sure if she should avert her eyes or not. Sissix clearly didn't care who was looking. As Rosemary watched, the peculiarity of the act began to melt away. It was alien, yes, and sudden, but not uncomfortable. There was a weird sort of beauty to it, something about the way their hands moved, the ease with which they touched each other. Baffling as the thought was, Rosemary found herself a little envious – of the old woman or of Sissix, she wasn't sure. She wished someone would give her that sort of attention on a whim. She wished she were confident enough to give it back. Finally, there was a flutter from the old woman's hands. Sissix let go and helped the old woman to her feet. They began looking through the old woman's wares. A jar of scale scrub was selected. Sissix's wrist was scanned. A few more words were exchanged, but without hand speak. A normal discussion between customer and merchant, made all the more surreal by what had come before. The old woman reached up and plucked a feather from her head, wincing as she did so. She held the feather – a faded blue – out to Sissix. Sissix took it, bowing her head low. Her expression was one of gratitude. 'Oh, wow,' said Kizzy, putting her hands over her heart. 'I still don't know what's going on, but that just made me go all mushy.' 'What?' Rosemary kept her eye on the Aandrisks, as if staring long enough might provide an explanation. 'What's that mean?' 'Have you been in Sissix's room yet?' 'No.' 'Okay, well, on her wall, there's this big fancy frame with a mess of Aandrisk feathers hanging from it. Every Aandrisk's got one, as far as I know. See, if you're an Aandrisk and somebody really touches your life in some way, you give that person one of your feathers. And then you keep the feathers you get from others as a symbol of how many paths you've crossed. Having a lot of feathers on your wall shows that you've had an impact on a lot of people. That's a pretty big life priority for most Aandrisks. But they don't give feathers out casually, not, like, for helping you carry something or giving you a free drink or whatever. It's got to be an experience that sticks with you, but it can totally be between strangers. Oh, hey, check it.' Kizzy gestured with her chin towards Sissix, who was giving the old woman one of her own feathers. 'Has Sissix ever given you a feather?' Rosemary asked. 'Yeah, she gave me one a while back, after she got news that one of her hatch fathers died. He was old, but she was really broken up over it. I put her in the shuttle, flew her out to the middle of this nebula and just let her yell for a few hours. I got a feather the next morning. I think the whole crew's got a Sissix feather by now. Well, not Corbin. Probably not Corbin.' Sissix walked back over to the bench, carrying the jar of scale scrub. She looked between Kizzy and Rosemary. 'I . . . apparently have some explaining to do.' 'Uh, yes,' Kizzy said. 'Explaining would be great.' Sissix nodded towards the road, indicating for them to follow. 'A person her age should be settled down with a house family, raising hatchlings.' Rosemary tried to remember everything she'd been told about Aandrisk family structure. Young Aandrisks were cared for by community elders, not their biological parents. That much she knew. And there were several familial stages Aandrisks went through as they aged. But beyond that, Rosemary was fuzzy on the details. 'Maybe she just didn't want to,' Kizzy said. 'Maybe she liked it better out here.' 'No,' Sissix said. 'It's because she can't socialise well.' 'She's shy?' Rosemary asked. 'She's a rashek. There's not a word for it in Klip. She's got a disorder that makes it difficult for her to interact with others. She has trouble understanding other people's intentions. And she speaks oddly, that much was obvious when I first approached her. I offered to couple with her, but she couldn't quite bring herself around to that. So, yes, she's shy, but she also has a hard time figuring other people out. It makes her act a little . . . well, for lack of a better word, weird.' 'Why snuggle with a weirdo?' Kizzy asked. 'Being weird doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve companionship. The fact that she's running a shop instead of living on a farm somewhere means that she has no house family. And yeah, there are elders who choose not to have house families, but she doesn't even have a feather family. And that's . . .' Sissix shivered. 'Stars, I can't imagine anything worse than that.' Rosemary looked at Sissix. The familial terms were lost on her, but something clicked anyway. 'You were comforting her. That's all it was. You just wanted to her to know that someone cared.' 'Nobody should be alone,' Sissix said. 'Being alone and untouched . . . there's no punishment worse than that. And she's done nothing wrong. She's just different.' 'There are lots of other Aandrisks here. Why don't they do anything for her?' 'Because they don't want to,' Sissix said, her voice growing fierce. 'Did you see the two Aandrisks walk by while I was with her? Locals, I'm sure. They knew her, I could tell by the look in their eyes. They can't be bothered with her. She's an inconvenience.' Sissix's feathers had puffed up. Her sharp teeth flashed as she spoke. 'Don't be fooled by all the warm fuzzy talk and snuggles,' Kizzy said to Rosemary. 'Aandrisks can be assholes, too.' 'Oh, we've certainly got our share,' Sissix said. 'Anyway. Sorry to keep you waiting. I hope I didn't make you feel awkward. I know Humans can be—' 'No,' Rosemary said. 'No, it was a very kind thing to do.' She watched the Aandrisk woman as she walked beside her. Her body was strange, her ways were strange, and yet, Rosemary found herself in deep admiration. 'Yes, awesome, go Sissix,' Kizzy said. 'But I am now starving. What sounds good? Noodles? Skewers? Ice cream? We're grown-ups, we can have ice cream for lunch if we want.' 'Let's not,' Sissix said. 'Right. I forgot,' Kizzy said, and laughed. 'Ice cream makes her mouth go slack.' Sissix flicked her tongue with disapproval. 'Why anyone would make freezing cold food is beyond me.' 'Ooh! What about hoppers?' Kizzy said. 'I could seriously go for a hopper. Mmm, spicy peppers and crunchy onions and a big toasty bun . . .' She looked at Rosemary with eager eyes. 'I can't remember the last time I had a hopper,' Rosemary said. It was a lie. She'd never had one. Grasshopper burgers were street food, and that wasn't a realm of cuisine she'd ever been privy to. She imagined how her mother would react to her chowing down a bug sandwich wrapped in greasy paper while sharing a table with modders and smugglers and arm-hacking patch thieves. She grinned. 'Sounds great.' Ashby ran his palm down the bare torso pressing against his own. He'd had his share of lovers before her. He'd felt plenty of skin. But none like hers. She was covered in tiny scales – not thickly layered, like Sissix's, but seamless, interlocking. She was silvery, almost reflective, like a fish in a river. Despite all the time he'd spent looking at her, despite how comfortable he was in her company, there were still moments when the sight of her made his words stick in his throat. It was pure chance, of course, that Aeluons so often managed to check all the boxes on the list of Things That Humans Generally Find Attractive. On a galactic scale, beauty was a relative concept. All Humans could agree that Harmagians were hideous (a sentiment the Harmagians heartily returned). Aandrisks – well, that depended on who you talked to. Some people liked the feathers; others couldn't get past their teeth and claws. The Rosk, with their skittery legs and jagged mandibles, would still be the stuff of nightmares even if they weren't in the habit of carpet-bombing border colonies. But Aeluons, by some weird fluke of evolution, had a look that made most Humans drop their jaws, hold up their palms and say, 'Okay, you are a superior species.' Aeluons' long limbs and digits were alien, no question, but they moved with fascinating grace. Their eyes were large, but not too large. Their mouths were small, but not too small. In Ashby's experience, it was hard to find a Human who couldn't appreciate an Aeluon, even if only in the most objective aesthetic terms. Aeluon women didn't have breasts, but after meeting Pei, Ashby had found that he could do without. His teenage self would've been horrified. Lying beside her, Ashby felt like a hairy, gangly mess. But given what they'd been up to for the better part of the last two hours, he figured he couldn't be that repulsive. Or maybe she just didn't care about the whole hairy, gangly thing. That worked, too. 'You hungry?' Pei said, though her mouth did not move. Like all Aeluons, her 'voice' was a computerized sound that came from a talkbox embedded in the base of her throat. She controlled the talkbox neurally, a process she likened to thinking up words while typing. Aeluons lacked a natural sense of hearing, and had no need for a spoken language of their own. Among themselves, they communicated through color – specifically, iridescent patches on their cheeks that shimmered and shifted like the skin of a bubble. Once they began interacting with other species, however, verbal communication became a necessity, and so, talkboxes came to be. 'I'm starving,' Ashby said. He knew that as he spoke, the sounds coming from his mouth were collected by the jewellery-like implant set in her forehead. As her brain did not have any means of processing sound, the implant translated his words into neural input that she could understand. He didn't quite grasp how it worked, but he could say the same for most tech. It worked. That was all he needed to know. 'Your room or mine?' he asked. That was another part of their standard operating procedure: Make sure only one person was in the room when room service arrived. 'Let's see what they've got, first.' She reached over the edge of the bed and pulled the menu from a nearby table. 'What are our odds?' This was an old joke between them, the question of how likely it would be that each of them would find something they liked on the room service menu. Multispecies menus meant well, but they were always hit or miss. 'Seventy-thirty,' he said. 'Your favour.' 'How come?' He pointed at the menu. 'Because they've got a whole section dedicated to roe.' 'Ooh, so they do.' He let his eyes slide down her body as she perused the selection of fish eggs. He saw something peeking up over her hip – the edge of a scar, thick and milky white. He hadn't noticed it earlier, but then, he'd been a little distracted. 'This one's new.' 'What?' She craned her neck up to look. 'Oh, that. Yeah.' She went back to the menu. Ashby sighed, a familiar weight growing in his stomach. Pei had many scars – corded stripes across her back, healed bullet holes on her legs and chest, a warped patch left over from the business end of a pulse rifle. Her body was a tapestry of violence. Ashby had no illusions about the risks a cargo runner faced, but somehow her neat clothes, her polished grey ship, her quick wit and smooth voice made it all seem very civilised. It wasn't until he saw physical proof that someone had hurt her that he remembered how dangerous her life was. The life he couldn't share. 'Should I ask?' Ashby said, running his finger over the dull flesh. The way she was reclining prevented him from seeing the extent of it, but it trailed all the way to her back, widening as it went. 'Shit, Pei, this is huge.' Pei laid the menu across her chest and looked at him. 'Do you really want to know?' 'Yes.' 'I'm not going to tell you if it's going to make you worry more.' 'Who said I was worried?' She stroked the creases between his eyebrows with a fingertip. 'You're sweet, but you're a terrible liar.' She rolled over, bringing her face to his. 'There was an . . . incident at a drop site.' 'An incident.' Her second pair of eyelids fluttered, and her cheeks went pale yellow with flecks of red. The intricacies of her colour language were something Ashby would never be able to learn, but he was familiar enough with it to distinguish emotions. This one, for example, was somewhere between exasperated and embarrassed. 'It's going to sound so much worse than it actually was.' Ashby drummed his fingers against her hip, waiting. 'Oh, fine. We got jumped by a small – very small, I might add – Rosk strike team. They were after the base, not us, but we got a little mixed up in it. Long, messy story short, I ended up on top of one of their heads—' 'You what?' Rosk soldiers were built for combat right down to their genes. Three times the size of an average Human. A fast, raging mass of legs and spikes and keratin plating. Given the opportunity, he didn't think he could prevent himself from running away from a charging Rosk soldier, let alone climb up on her head. 'I told you this was going to sound bad. Anyway, the second-to-last thing she ever did was buck me off into a stack of crates. As I went crashing down, she took the opportunity to grab me in her mouth. I've got good protective gear, but Rosk jaws—' She shook her head. 'What you see there on my hip is the result of one of her mandibles slicing through. But it ended up working out well for me, actually. Being in her mouth gave me a nice, soft place to shoot.' Ashby swallowed. 'So you . . . ?' 'No, that wasn't enough to kill her. My pilot's second shot was, though.' She cocked her head, second eyelids sliding in sideways. 'You're bothered.' 'It's hard not to be.' 'Ashby.' She reached out to touch his cheek. 'You shouldn't ask.' He pressed his palm against the small of her back, pulling her in close. 'I really want this war to be over.' 'You know, most of this' – she took his hand and guided it over her scars – 'happened in GC space. This one's from an Akarak who tried to board my ship. This one's from a smuggler who didn't want me to call the authorities on his phony bots. And this one's from a genetweak headcase who was just having a bad day. Nobody protects me when I'm in uncontested space. Nobody but me. With military work, I get escorts when I'm out in the open, and armed guards when I'm unloading down planetside. In a lot of ways, military work is safer. Pays better, too. And it's not as if they send me into heavy combat. Soon as I drop my goods, I turn right around and come back home.' 'Do . . . incidents happen often?' 'No.' She studied his face. 'Are you more bothered that I was attacked, or that I shot someone?' Ashby was quiet for a moment. 'The former. I don't care about you shooting that Rosk.' She stretched out a leg and hooked it round one of his. 'That's an odd thing for an Exodan to say.' Pei, like everybody else in the GC, knew that Exodans were pacifists. Before they had left Earth for the open, the refugees had known that the only way they were going to survive was to band together. As far as they were concerned, their species' bloody, war-torn history ended with them. 'I don't know if I can explain this,' Ashby said. 'I wish war didn't happen, but I don't judge other species for taking part in it. What you're doing out there, I mean, I can't find fault in what you do. The Rosk are killing innocent people in territories that don't belong to them, and they won't be reasoned with. I hate saying it, but in this case, I think violence is the only option.' Pei's cheeks went a sombre orange. 'It is. I'm only on the edges of it, and from what I've seen . . . trust me, Ashby, this is a war that needs to be fought.' She exhaled in thought. 'Do you think badly of me for – I don't know, for accepting business from soldiers?' 'No. You're not a mercenary. All you do is get supplies to people. There's no fault in that.' 'What about me shooting the Rosk, though? The one that had me in her mouth? You know that's not the first time I've had to . . . defend myself.' 'I know. But you're a good woman. The things you have to do don't change that. And your species – you know how to end a war. Truly end it. It doesn't get in your blood. You do what needs doing and leave it at that.' 'Not always,' Pei said. 'We have as many dark patches in our history as anyone.' 'Maybe, but not like us. Humans can't handle war. Everything I know about our history shows that it brings out the worst in us. We're just not . . . mature enough for it, or something. Once we start, we can't stop. And I've felt that in me, you know, that inclination toward acting out in anger. Nothing like what you've seen. I don't pretend to know what war is like. But Humans, we've got something dangerous in us. We almost destroyed ourselves because of it.' Pei ran her long fingers round his coiled hair. 'But you didn't. And you learned from it. You're trying to evolve. I think the rest of the galaxy underestimates what that says about you.' She paused. 'Well, about the Exodans, at least,' she said, her cheeks a sly green. 'The Solans' motives are a bit more questionable.' He laughed. 'Not that you're biased or anything.' 'It's your fault if I am.' She propped herself up on the pillow. 'Don't change the subject. You haven't finished your original thought.' 'Which one?' 'What it is that actually bothers you.' 'Ah, right.' He sighed. Who was he to talk to her about war? What did he know about it at all, aside from newsfeeds and reference files? War was nothing more than a story to him, something that happened to people he didn't know in places he'd never been to. It felt insulting to tell her how he felt about it. 'Go on,' she said. 'The Rosk that bit you. She's dead.' 'Yes.' Her tone was matter-of-fact. No remorse, no pride. Ashby nodded. 'That's what bothers me.' 'That . . . a Rosk died?' 'No.' He tapped his chest. 'This. This feeling in here. That's what bothers me. I hear that you shot someone, and I'm glad of it. I'm glad that you stopped her before she could hurt you more. I'm glad that she's dead, because that means you're still here. What does that say about me? What does it say about me, being relieved that you can do the thing I condemn my own species for?' Pei looked at him a long time. She pressed close to him. 'It means,' she said, her forehead against his, her lithe limbs wrapped round his body, 'that you understand more about violence than you think.' She pressed her fingers against his cheek, a touch of worry crossing her face. 'And that's good, considering where you're headed.' 'We're not going into a combat zone. The Board says the situation there is perfectly stable.' 'Uh huh,' she said flatly. 'I've never looked a Toremi in the eye, but they do not sound stable to me. That species was sending our explorers back in pieces before you guys even knew the rest of us were out here. I don't buy this alliance, and I don't like the idea of you going out there.' Ashby laughed. 'This coming from you.' 'There's a difference.' 'Really.' Her eyes shifted, displeased. 'Yes, really. I know which end of a gun to point at someone. You won't even pick one up.' She exhaled, her cheeks turning a pale orange. 'That's not fair, I'm sorry. All I mean is, I know you. I know you've probably thought this out long and hard. But I don't know the Toremi. I only know what I hear, and – just, please, Ashby, be careful.' He kissed her forehead. 'And now you know how I feel every time you leave.' 'It's an awful way to feel,' she said with a smirk. 'And I wish you didn't feel it either. But I suppose it's good, in a way. It means that you care for me as much as I care for you.' She placed his hand on her hip. 'I like that.' They put off room service for another hour. Day 180, GC Standard 306
Seated safely behind the window in their quarters, Ohan gazed into the black hole. With some effort, they could remember how the galaxy had looked during their Host's childhood, before infection. Flat. Vacant. Blank. So much of existence was lost to a mind untouched by the Whisperer. Their alien companions had such minds. Ohan pitied them. Looking only with their eyes, Ohan's view of the activity taking place along the edges of the black hole's accretion disc was no different from the way the rest of the crew saw it. A flock of unmanned skimmer drones sailed as close as they could safely get to the event horizon, just on the edge of gravity's embrace. They drifted through the swirling silt, and to the ordinary observer, they would appear to be doing nothing but drawing dust trails with their comb-like arms. But if Ohan looked with their mind, mapped it all out with the right numbers and notions, the space outside became a majestic, violent place. Around the skimmers' arms, raw energy tumbled and boiled, like a thrashing sea churning up flotsam. Tendrils of the stuff curled up around the combs, arching and writhing as they were coaxed into the collection hoppers. Or so Ohan imagined. They pressed close to the window, in awe of the storm that lay beyond sight. And again, they thought of what their crewmates would see: an empty patch of space, blacker than black, and little skimmers collecting invisible cargo. How still the universe must look to their eyes, Ohan thought. How silent. That invisible cargo was what their captain had come to purchase. Ashby was probably haggling over the price of ambi cells at that very moment. Raw ambi – the stuff Ohan envisioned torquing around the skimmer combs – was difficult to gather. Ambi could be found everywhere and in everything, but the way that it weaved itself around ordinary matter made extracting it a troublesome task. With the right technology, it could be wrenched apart, but the process was so tedious and reaped such small rewards that it wasn't worth the effort. It was far easier to gather ambi somewhere where matter was already being ripped apart by forces greater than anything any sapient could build – like a black hole. Black holes were always surrounded by turbulent seas of free-floating ambi, but getting close enough to gather it posed an obvious risk. For ambi traders, the risk was worth it, especially since it allowed them to charge a premium. As expensive as ambi cells were, they were the only thing that could power the Wayfarer's interspatial bore. It was a necessary expense for a ship such as theirs, but one that always left Ashby looking a little grey afterwards. Ohan had read of ships powered entirely by ambi cells, but they had trouble conceiving of a life in which such an extravagance was affordable. Ohan picked up the razor that lay beside the washbasin near their feet. They clicked a skipping rhythm with their tongue as they trimmed the patterns in their fur. The swirls of fur and clicks of tongue meant nothing to their crewmates, but they meant everything to Ohan. Every pattern represented a cosmological truth, every series of clicks an abstraction of the universe's underlying mathematics. These were symbols and sounds every Sianat Pair knew. They wore the layers of the universe upon their skin, drummed its beat with their mouths. A sharp twinge blossomed deep within their wrist, and for a moment, the Pair lost control of their hand. The razor slipped, nicking their skin. Ohan chirped, more out of surprise than pain. They wrapped the fingers of their other hand round the wound, rocking back and forth for a moment as the feeling faded to a quiet burn. Ohan exhaled. They looked down to the cut. Thin blood oozed forth, matting a tiny patch of fur. But the razor had not gone deep. Ohan stood stiffly and walked to the dresser in search of a bandage. This was the first stage of the Wane: stiffness and muscle spasms. Eventually, the pain would spread to their bones, and their muscles would become increasingly difficult to control. The pain would then disappear completely, but this was a devious mercy, as it indicated that their nerve fibres had begun to die. Death would come afterward, in its own time. The Wane was an inevitability in a Sianat Pair's life. Though the Whisperer unlocked the mind of the Host, it also shortened their life. Solitaries – blasphemous Hosts that avoided infection, a crime punished by exile – reportedly could live well over a hundred standards, but no Pair had ever lived to be more than thirty. From time to time, alien doctors would come forward, offering to help cure the Wane, but they were always refused. There could be no chance of a treatment damaging the genetic stability of the Whisperer. The infection was sacred. It could not be tampered with. The Wane was a fair price to pay for enlightenment. Even so, Ohan was afraid. They could disconnect themself from the fear, but it lingered, like an unpleasant taste in the back of the throat. Fear. Such a throwback emotion, meant to spur primitive lifeforms away from potential predators. Life's universal constant. Every fear of rejection, of criticism, of failure, of loss – these were all caused by that same archaic survival reflex. Ohan knew that their own fear of death was nothing more than some primitive synapses firing within their Host's brain, the emotional equivalent of jerking a hand away from a hot surface. When they reached for the higher parts of their mind, they knew that death was nothing to fear. Why should they fear something that came to all lifeforms? In some ways, having reached the Wane was a comfort to Ohan. It meant that they had been successful in avoiding a sudden, premature end. Ashby and Dr Chef were the only ones who knew that Ohan had begun to Wane. The captain attempted to carry on as normal, though he often asked Ohan in a hushed voice how they were feeling, if there was anything he could do. Dr Chef, kind creature that he was, had taken the trouble to contact Sianat doctors to learn more about the Wane's effects. A few days after the Wayfarer left Coriol, Dr Chef had presented Ohan with a variety of homemade tinctures and teas, made from herbs recommended for easing the pain. Ohan had been touched, though as always, they did not know how to adequately express their thanks. Gift-giving was unheard of in Sianat culture, and Ohan were always ill-equipped to express gratitude for such gestures. They believed that Dr Chef understood this social limitation. In a way, Dr Chef could see into the hearts of others as well as Ohan themself could see the universe. Ohan often wondered if Dr Chef knew what a gift that was. Bandage in place and blood cleaned away, Ohan returned to the window. They picked up the razor, clicking their cheek as they dragged the blade through their fur. As they did so, they thought of the concept of purpose. Dr Chef's purpose was to heal and nourish. Ashby's purpose was to bind his crew together. Accepting the Wane ran contrary to those purposes. For them, accepting the death of a crew member was difficult. Ohan hoped they knew how much the effort was appreciated. Ohan's own purpose was to be a Navigator, to unveil the universe for those who were blind to it. After death, Ohan would no longer be able to pursue that purpose, and they could not deny that this saddened them. At least there would be time for one more job, this new tunnel at Hedra Ka. The Wane had only begun its first stage. There was time for a tunnel before succumbing. Ohan hoped that Ashby was not uncomfortable with letting them embrace the Wane's final stage aboard the Wayfarer. They could think of nothing more fitting than dying in the place that housed their purpose. Ohan looked again into the black hole. They closed their eyes, and pictured great swathes of fragmented matter, falling and pressing endlessly. Larab, they would call it in their native tongue, a word to describe form. And gruss, too, a word for the colour of unseen matter. There were no words in Klip for the colours or shapes that lay beyond sight. They had tried at times to explain these things to the Wayfarer's crew, but there were no words, no abstractions that could open their crewmates' limited minds. Ohan preferred to take in the sight alone, especially now. A black hole was the perfect place to contemplate death. There was nothing in the universe that could last for ever. Not stars. Not matter. Nothing. The razor cut. Their wrist ached. The sky roiled, unseen. Feed source: Reskit Museum of Natural Sciences – Archival Library (Public/Reskitkish) Item name: Thoughts On The Galaxy – Chapter Three Author: oshet-Tekshereket esk-Rahist as-Ehas Kirish isket-Ishkriset Encryption: 0 Translation path: [Reskitkish:Klip] Transcription: 0 Node identifier: 9874-457-28, Rosemary Harper When meeting an individual of another species for the first time, there is no sapient in the galaxy who does not immediately take inventory of xyr physiological differences. These are always the first things we see. How does xyr skin differ? Does xe have a tail? How does xe move? How does xe pick things up? What does xe eat? Does xe have abilities that I don't? Or vice versa? These are all important distinctions, but the more important comparison is the one we make after this point. Once we've made our mental checklists of variations, we begin to draw parallels – not between the alien and ourselves, but between the alien and animals. The majority of us have been taught since childhood that voicing these comparisons is derogatory, and indeed, many of the racial slurs in colloquial use are nothing more than common names for non-sapient species (for example, the Human term lizard, to describe Aandrisks; the Quelin term tik, to describe Humans; the Aandrisk term sersh, to describe Quelin). Though these terms are offensive, examining them objectively reveals a point of major biological interest. All demeaning implications aside, we Aandrisks do look like some of the native reptilian species of Earth. Humans do look like larger, bipedal versions of the hairless primates that plague the sewer systems of Quelin cities. Quelin do bear some resemblance to the snapping crustaceans found all over Hashkath. And yet, we evolved separately, and on different worlds. My people and the lizards of Earth do not share an evolutionary tree, nor do Humans and tiks, nor Quelin and sersh. Our points of origin are spread out across the galaxy. We hail from systems that remained self-contained for billions of years, with evolutionary clocks that all began at different times. How is it possible that when meeting our galactic neighbours for the first time, we are all instantly reminded of creatures back home – or in some cases, of ourselves? The question becomes even more complicated when we start to look beyond our superficial differences to the wealth of similarities. All sapient species have brains. Let us consider that seemingly obvious fact for a moment. Despite our isolated evolutionary paths, we all developed nervous systems with a central hub. We all have internal organs. We all share at least some of the same physical senses: hearing, touch, taste, smell, sight, electroreception. The grand majority of sapients have either four or six limbs. Bipedalism and opposable digits, while not universal, are shockingly common. We are all made from chromosomes and DNA, which themselves are made from a select handful of key elements. We all require a steady intake of water and oxygen to survive (though in varying quantities). We all need food. We all buckle under atmospheres too thick or gravitational fields too strong. We all die in freezing cold or burning heat. We all die, full stop. How can this be? How is it that life, so diverse on the surface, has followed the same patterns throughout the galaxy – not just in the current era, but over and over again? We see this pattern in the ruins of the Arkanic civilisation at Shessha, or the ancient fossil beds on the now-barren world of Okik. This is a question that scientific communities have wrestled with for centuries, and it seems unlikely that an answer will present itself in the near future. There are many theories – asteroids carrying amino acids, supernovae blowing organic material out into neighbouring systems. And yes, there is the fanciful story of a hyper-advanced sapient race 'seeding' the galaxy with genetic material. I admit that the 'Galactic Gardener' hypothesis has fuelled the plots of some of my favourite science fiction sims, but scientifically speaking, it is nothing more than wishful thinking. You cannot have a theory without evidence, and there is absolutely none that supports this idea (no matter what the conspiracy theorists lurking on Linking feeds would have you believe). For my part, I think that the best explanation is the simplest one. The galaxy is a place of laws. Gravity follows laws. The lifecycles of stars and planetary systems follow laws. Subatomic particles follow laws. We know the exact conditions that will cause the formation of a red dwarf, or a comet, or a black hole. Why, then, can we not acknowledge that the universe follows similarly rigid laws of biology? We have only ever discovered life on similarly sized terrestrial moons and planets, orbiting within a narrow margin round hospitable stars. If we all evolved on such kindred worlds, why is it such a surprise that our evolutionary paths have so much in common? Why can we not conclude that the right combination of specific environmental factors will always result in predictable physical adaptations? With so much evidence staring us in the face, why does this debate continue? The answer, of course, is that the laws of biology are nearly impossible to test, and scientists hate that. We can launch probes to test theories of gravity and space-time. We can put rocks in pressure cookers and split atoms in classrooms. But how does one test a process as lengthy and multifaceted as evolution? There are labs today that struggle to find the funding to keep a project running for three standards – imagine the funding needed to run a project for millennia! As it stands, there is no way for us to efficiently test the conditions that produce specific biological adaptations, beyond the most rudimentary observations (aquatic climates produce fins, cold climates produce fur or blubber, and so on). There have been bold attempts at creating software that could accurately predict evolutionary paths, such as the Aeluon-funded Tep Preem Project (which, though well-intentioned, has yet to unravel the mysteries of biological law). The problem with such endeavours is that there are too many variables to consider, many of which we remain ignorant of. We simply don't have enough data, and the data that we do possess is still beyond our understanding. We are experts of the physical galaxy. We live on terraformed worlds and in massive orbital habitats. We tunnel through the sublayer to hop between stellar systems. We escape planetary gravity with the ease of walking out the front door. But when it comes to evolution, we are hatchlings, fumbling with toys. I believe this is why many of my peers still cling to theories of genetic material scattered by asteroids and supernovae. In many ways, the idea of a shared stock of genes drifting through the galaxy is far easier to accept than the daunting notion that none of us may ever have the intellectual capacity to understand how life truly works. Day 245, GC Standard 306
Sissix peeked round the doorframe. The hallway was empty. If she moved fast, she might make it to the med bay before anybody saw her. She hugged a bathrobe – borrowed from a pile of Kizzy's clean laundry – round herself and hurried forward. As she moved, the itch spread up from her thighs and over her belly. She rubbed her palms against it through the fabric, barely resisting the urge to dig in with her claws. She wanted to throw off the robe and roll around against the metal floor, against a rough-barked tree, against a sanding block, anything, so long as she could rid herself of this dry burning aching shallow hateful itch. 'Whoa, Sis,' Jenks said, skidding to a halt as she rounded a corner. 'You almost ran me—' His words stopped once he got a look at her. 'Holy shit, you look terrible.' 'Thanks, Jenks, you're such a help,' she said, continuing on her way. She wasn't embarrassed, she told herself, just angry. Yes, angry that this had happened at all, angry at how many times in her life she'd had to put up with it, angry at people not just leaving her the hell alone. 'Sissix, hey,' Rosemary said, appearing from behind a door, scrib in hand. 'I was coming to see – oh.' Her dumb, wet mammal eyes widened. She brought a hand to her mouth. 'I'm fine,' Sissix said, never pausing for a moment. With as big as the ship was, you'd think it possible for a person to get from point A to point B without constantly running into – 'Fuck off, Corbin,' Sissix said to the pink Human, who had just ascended from the lower decks. He froze at the top of the staircase, looking stupid and confused as she hurried past. She burst into the med bay, shutting the door as soon as she was through. Dr Chef looked up from his workstation. He rumbled sympathetically. 'Oh, poor girl,' he said. 'You're moulting.' 'I'm early, too.' She glanced at herself in the mirror. Blistering pockets of dead skin had separated from her face, tearing raggedly at the edges. 'I didn't think I'd start for another three tendays, and I haven't – aargh!' The itch started up again, though it had never really stopped. Her whole face felt like it was crawling with flies. She gave in to the impulse and clawed. 'Hey, now, none of that,' Dr Chef said, coming forward to take her wrists. 'You'll hurt yourself.' 'No, I won't,' Sissix said. She was acting childish, but she didn't care. Her face was about to fall off. She had a right to be petulant. Dr Chef pushed up her sleeve. 'Really,' he said. He lifted her arm so she could see the light claw marks on her flaking skin. A faint crust of blood lingered where her claws had scratched too deep during the night. 'Stars, you're parental sometimes,' Sissix mumbled. 'I feed you and heal you, how else am I supposed to be? Take off that robe. Let's sort you out.' 'Thank you.' She took off her robe as Dr Chef opened a storage panel. He took out a misting bottle and a riksith – a small, flat board with a rough coating on one side. Kizzy had once called it 'a nail file for your entire self.' 'Where's worst?' Dr Chef asked. Sissix lay back on the examination table. 'Everywhere.' She sighed. 'My arms, I guess.' Dr Chef gently took her right arm, the one with the bloody patch, and sprayed medicated mist over it. The dry skin went translucent, lifting at the edges. He went to work with the riksith, rubbing the wet pieces away. Sissix breathed a little easier, urging the rest of her body to be patient. Dr Chef took one of her fingers between his own, examining it. 'How's the skin feel here?' 'Tight. It's not ready to come up.' 'Oh, I think it is. It just doesn't know it yet.' He moistened her skin and, with steady pressure, massaged her hand from wrist to claws. After a few minutes, she could feel an edge come loose near her wrist. Dr Chef worked his fingers underneath, carefully, gripping it between two fingerpads. In one swift motion, he tore the dead skin free from her entire hand, like pulling off a glove. Sissix yelped, then moaned. The new skin was sensitive, but the itch there was gone. She exhaled. 'Stars, you're good at that.' 'I've had some practice,' he said, continuing up her arm with the riksith. Sissix craned her neck up to make sure the door was fully closed. 'Do you ever get tired of Humans?' 'On occasion. I think that's normal for anyone living with people other than their own. I'm sure they get tired of us, too.' 'I'm definitely tired of them today,' Sissix said, laying her head back. 'I'm tired of their fleshy faces. I'm tired of their smooth fingertips. I'm tired of how they pronounce their Rs. I'm tired of their inability to smell anything. I'm tired of how clingy they get around kids that don't even belong to them. I'm tired of how neurotic they are about being naked. I want to smack every single one of them around until they realise how needlessly complicated they make their families and their social lives and their – their everything.' Dr Chef nodded. 'You love them and you understand them, but sometimes you wish they – and me and Ohan, too, I'm sure – could be more like ordinary people.' 'Exactly.' She sighed, her frustration simmering down. 'And it's not like they've done anything wrong. You know how much this crew means to me. But today . . . I don't know. It feels like having a mess of younger hatchmates who won't stop playing with your toys. They're not breaking anything and you know they're only trying to please you, but they're so little and annoying, and you want them all to fall down a well. Temporarily.' Dr Chef gave a rumbling chuckle. 'It seems your diagnosis is more complicated than just a premature moult.' 'How so?' He smiled. 'You're homesick.' She sighed again. 'Yeah.' 'We're stopping off at Hashkath before the end of the standard, right? That's not so horribly far,' he said, patting her head. He stopped and rubbed one of her feathers between his fingerpads. 'Have you been taking your mineral supplements?' She glanced away. 'Sometimes.' 'You need to take them all times. Your feathers are a little limp.' 'I'm moulting.' Dr Chef frowned. 'It's not because you're moulting,' he said. 'It's because you're deficient in the basic nutrients that every Aandrisk needs. If you don't start taking your minerals regularly, I'm going to start feeding you moss paste.' She made a face. The very mention of the stuff brought back childhood memories of the taste: bitter, dusty, lingering. 'Okay, hatch father, whatever you say.' Dr Chef rumbled in thought. 'What?' 'Ah, nothing. The phrase just struck me as odd,' he said, his voice light. 'I was only ever a mother.' 'I'm sorry,' Sissix said. 'I didn't mean—' 'Oh, don't. It's only true.' He looked back to her, the twinkle returning to his eye. 'Besides, if you think of me as a parent, maybe you'll listen when I tell you to take your damn minerals.' She laughed. 'I doubt it. There was a stretch in my childhood when my hatch family couldn't get me to eat anything but snapfruit.' She hissed as he worked the riksith against a stubborn patch on her shoulder. 'At least snapfruit's good for you. And somehow it doesn't surprise me that you were a wilful child.' He thought aloud, and laughed. 'I bet you were a real pain.' 'Of course I was,' Sissix said with a grin. 'I wasn't a person yet.' Dr Chef's cheeks rippled in disagreement. 'Now, see, there's something about your species that I will never understand.' She let out a congenial sigh. 'You and the rest of the galaxy,' she said. Honestly, what was it about that concept that was so difficult for others to grasp? She would never, ever understand the idea that a child, especially an infant, was of more value than an adult who had already gained all the skills needed to benefit the community. The death of a new hatchling was so common as to be expected. The death of a child about to feather, yes, that was sad. But a real tragedy was the loss of an adult with friends and lovers and family. The idea that a loss of potential was somehow worse than a loss of achievement and knowledge was something she had never been able to wrap her brain around. Dr Chef glanced over his shoulder, even though no one had entered the room. 'Hey, I have a confession to make.' 'Oh?' 'I haven't told anybody else this. This is secret. Top, top secret.' He had lowered his voice as much as he physically could. Sissix nodded with exaggerated seriousness. 'I will say nothing.' 'You know how you said Humans can't smell anything?' 'Mmm-hmm.' 'I'm sure you've noticed that the Humans aboard this ship don't smell nearly as bad as other Humans.' 'Yeah. I've got used to them.' 'Wrong.' He paused with dramatic importance. 'I routinely mix a potent anti-odour powder into the soap dispensers in the showers. I rub it into Kizzy's solid soap, too.' Sissix stared at him for a moment before crooning with laughter. 'Oh,' she said, gasping for breath. 'Oh, you don't.' 'I certainly do,' he said, puffing his cheeks. 'I started doing it not a tenday after I took this job. And do you know what the best part is?' 'They can't tell the difference?' Dr Chef let loose an amused harmony. 'They can't tell the difference!' They were both still laughing when Ashby walked through the door. His hair was wet. He had clearly just bathed. Sissix and Dr Chef fell silent. The laughter returned, even stronger than before. 'Do I want to know?' Ashby said, his eyes shifting between them. 'We're making fun of Humans,' Sissix said. 'Right,' said Ashby. 'Then I definitely don't want to know.' He nodded towards her. 'Moult came early?' 'Yeah.' 'My sympathies. I'll take over your cleaning shift.' 'Oh, you're the best.' That was wonderful news. Cleaning products and new skin did not mix well. 'Remember that next time you're laughing at us lowly primates.' Rosemary sat flicking through files in her office – well, what passed for an office. It had been a storage room before she arrived, and technically still was, given the modest stack of crates against the far wall. The whole set-up was a far cry from the sleek desk she'd had at Red Rock Transport, even as an intern, but she liked Dr Chef's snack counter far more than the austere corporate cafeteria, and besides, she didn't need anything fancy to do her job. She had a simple desk and a big interface panel, and a small pixel plant Jenks had given her to make up for the lack of window (why was it that people who worked with numbers always got tucked away in back rooms?). The plant looked nothing like the real thing, of course. The smiling face and colour-changing petals resembled nothing in nature. It was programmed with some behavioural recognition software that could tell when she'd gone a while without standing or drinking or taking a break, and would chirp cheerful reminders in response. 'Hey, there! You need to hydrate!' 'How about a snack?' 'Take a walk! Stretch it out!' The effect was cheesy, and sometimes a little jarring when she was focused on her work, but she appreciated the sentiment. She sipped a mug of boring tea as she puzzled over one of Kizzy's expense sheets. The mech tech had a habit of annotating things with shorthand that she alone understood. At first, Rosemary had assumed that it was some sort of tech lingo, but no, Jenks had quietly confirmed that this was Kizzy's own special way of staying organised. Rosemary squinted at the screen. 5500 credits (ish) – WRSS. She made a flicking motion with her left hand, pulling up a file entitled 'Kizzyspeak,' her cheat sheet for acronyms that she had deciphered. ES (Engine Stuff). TB (Tools and Bits). CRCT (Circuits). But no, WRSS wasn't there. She made a note to ask Kizzy about it. The door spun open, and Corbin entered the room. Before she could say hello, he set a black mechanical object on her desk. 'What's this?' he asked. Her heart hammered, as it usually did whenever Corbin approached her. Speaking to him always felt like more of an ambush than a conversation. She looked at the object. 'That's the saline filter I ordered for you.' 'Yes,' he said. 'Notice anything?' Rosemary swallowed. She looked harder at the filter, which she only recognised as a filter because there'd been a picture of it on the merchant's Linking page. She gave an awkward smile. 'I can't say that I know much about algae tech,' she said, trying to keep her voice easy. 'That much is obvious,' Corbin said. He flipped the filter round and pointed to the label. 'Model 4546-C44.' He stared at her, expectantly. Oh no. Rosemary's mind raced, trying to remember the order form. There had been so many . . . 'Was that not what you wanted?' Corbin's sour face answered her question. 'I specifically asked for the C45. The C44 has a coupling port that is narrower than the junction in the tank. I'll have to add a new attachment in order to make it connect properly.' Rosemary had been pulling up archived forms as he spoke. There it was: Triton Advanced saline filter, model 4546-C45. Shit. 'I'm so sorry, Corbin. I don't know what happened. I must've selected the wrong model. But at least this one will work, right?' The second the words were out of her mouth, she knew they had been a mistake. 'That's not the point, Rosemary,' Corbin said, as if speaking to a child. 'What if I had required something more vital than a saline filter? You said it yourself, you don't know much about algae tech. You can get away with mistakes like this in some cushy planetside office, but not on a long-haul ship. The smallest component can be the difference between getting to port safely and decompressing out in the open.' 'I'm sorry,' Rosemary said again. 'I'll be more careful next time.' 'See that you do.' Corbin picked up the filter and walked to the door. 'It really isn't that hard,' he said with his back to her. The door spun shut behind him. Rosemary sat staring at her desk. Sissix had told her not to let Corbin get under her skin, but she had screwed up this time, and it was a careless mistake, too. Decompressing didn't sound so bad right then. 'Aw, it's not so bad!' chirped the pixel plant. 'Give yourself a hug!' 'Oh, shut up,' Rosemary said. Ashby tripped over a length of tubing as he walked through the engine room. 'What—' He craned his head round the corner to find an avalanche of cables pouring out of the wall. The entire bracing panel had been removed. He tiptoed his way around the tangled mess, careful not to step on any fluid-filled tubes. As he approached the open wall, he heard someone sniff. 'Kizzy?' The mech tech was sitting inside the wall, hugging her knees, tools scattered alongside. Her face was smudged with gunk and grease, as usual, but a tear or two had created clean pathways down her cheeks. She looked up at him pitifully. Even the ribbons in her hair looked limp. 'I'm having a bad day,' she said. Ashby leaned inside the open panel. 'What's up?' She sniffed again, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. 'I slept awful, I had nightmares out the ass, and by the time I got to sleep, my alarm was going off, so today was dumb from the get-go, and then I was like, hey, I've still got some jam cakes left, and that cheered me up, but then I got to the kitchen and somebody ate the last of 'em last night and they didn't ask me at all, and I still don't know who it was, so then I went to shower, and I whacked my knee against the sink, like a genius, and it's totally bruised, and I had a mouthful of dentbots at the time, so I kinda swallowed some, and Dr Chef says it's okay but I have a tummyache, which he said would happen, and then I finally got to take my stupid shower, but I noticed that the pressure was weird, so I started poking around the water reclamation systems, and I can tell there's a whole line of cabling that's fucked up, but I haven't found it yet, and now there's this big mess on the floor and I still haven't got to any of the other stuff I needed to do today, and then I remembered that today's my cousin Kip's birthday, and he always has the best parties and I'm totally missing it.' She sniffled again. 'And I know how stupid that all sounds, but I am just not with it today. Not at all.' Ashby put his hand on top of hers. 'We all have days like that.' 'I guess.' 'But you know, it's not even lunchtime yet. There's time for it to get better from here.' She gave a glum nod. 'Yeah.' 'What was on your to-do list today?' 'Cleaning, mostly. The air filters all need a scrub. A sunlamp down in the Fishbowl needs new wiring. And there's a floor panel coming loose in Ohan's room.' 'Is any of that vital?' 'No. But it needs to get done.' 'Just worry about getting the water lines fixed today. The rest can wait.' He squeezed her hand. 'And hey. There's nothing I can do about your cousin's birthday, but I know how tough that is. I'm sorry we've got such a long haul this time.' 'Oh, stop,' she said. 'It's oodles of cash and I love what we do. It's not like I'm your indentured servant or something. It was my choice to leave home.' 'Just because you leave home doesn't mean you stop caring about it. You wouldn't get homesick otherwise. And your family knows you care. I keep an eye on our Linking traffic, you know. I see how many vid packs get sent to your family.' Kizzy gave a mighty sniff and pointed to the hallway. 'You have to go now,' she said. 'Because I have to work and you're making me cry more. Not in a bad way. But you're making me all mushy and if I hug you I'll get gunk all over that nice shirt, which really brings out your eyes, by the way.' 'Hey, everybody,' Lovey said through the nearest vox. 'There's a mail drone inbound. Packages on board for Ashby, Corbin, Jenks, Dr Chef and Kizzy. It'll be here in about ten minutes.' 'Eek!' cried Kizzy. 'Mail! A mail drone!' She tumbled out of the wall and ran down the hallway with her arms outstretched like shuttle wings. 'Interstellar goodies iiiiiiiincomiiiiiing!' Ashby grinned. 'Told you the day would get better,' he called after her. She was too busy 'whoosh'-ing to reply. The cargo bay hatch adjusted itself, shrinking down to fit the mail drone's delivery port. As Ashby and the others waited, Sissix walked through the door. She'd put on a pair of trousers, and it looked like Dr Chef had taken care of the moulting problem. 'Hey,' Ashby said. 'Feeling better?' 'Much,' she said. Her skin was oddly bright, and a few dry ridges still lingered, but at least she didn't look like a peeling onion any more. 'I don't think there's anything for you.' 'So?' She shrugged and smiled. 'I'm nosy.' 'Just a moment,' Lovey said. 'I'm scanning the contents for contaminants.' 'Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,' said Kizzy. 'It's my birthday!' 'Your birthday's not until middle year,' said Jenks. 'But it feels like my birthday. I love getting mail.' 'It's probably just those lockjaw clips you ordered.' 'Jenks. Do you know how great lockjaw clips are? There is nothing they can't hold down. Even my hair can't work its way out of them, and that's saying a lot.' Ashby glanced over his shoulder at her. 'I'm going to pretend like you weren't talking about using the tech supplies I buy as hair accessories.' Kizzy pressed her lips together. 'Only in emergencies.' 'All clear,' Lovey said. The hatch hissed open. A tray slid forward, holding a large, sealed container. Ashby took the container and swiped his wristwrap over the scan-seal. The container gave an affirmative beep. A corresponding beep echoed from the mail drone on the other side of the hull. The tray retracted and the hatch closed. There was a muffled clank as the mail drone detached, off to find its next recipient. Ashby unsealed the lid and sorted through the parcels within. They were all plainly packaged, but even so, there was something charming about a bunch of boxes and tubes marked with his crew members' names. It did feel a little like a holiday. 'Here, Kizzy,' he said, handing her a large package. 'Before you explode.' Kizzy's eyes grew wide. 'It's not lockjaw clips! It's not lockjaw clips! I know who makes labels like this!' She slid back the lid and cheered. 'It's from my dads!' She dropped cross-legged onto the floor and pulled the lid open. Atop the package's contents – snacks and sundries, it looked like – was an info chip. Kizzy pulled her scrib from her belt, plugged in the chip and began reading the text that appeared on the screen. Her face melted with sentiment. 'It's a just 'cause box,' she said. 'They are the best. The best.' She tore into a fresh pack of fire shrimp as she continued reading. Ashby pulled out a small domed container blinking with biohazard warnings. 'Do I even want to know what this is?' Dr Chef puffed his cheeks. 'Those will be my new seedlings. Completely harmless, I assure you. They have to put those warnings on any live cargo.' 'I know. It's just . . . unnerving.' Dr Chef leaned close to Ashby, his eyes twinkling. 'Don't tell, but if this is the order I think it is, I've now got a few starters of rosemary plants.' Ashby flipped over a box with a familiar brand logo, the same one he'd seen on a lot of algae tech. 'Corbin,' he said, handing over the box. 'This looks like it's for you.' Corbin opened the box and took out a circulation pump. He peered at the label and gave a short nod. 'Seems our clerk can read order forms after all.' He headed for the exit. 'Well . . . good,' said Ashby non-committally. He pulled a tiny box from the mail crate. 'Jenks.' Jenks opened the box and removed an info chip. 'What's that?' Sissix asked. 'It's from Pepper,' Jenks said. He stared at the chip for a moment. 'Oh, I bet it's those lateral circuit specs she mentioned last time I saw her.' 'Those sounded sweet,' Kizzy said. She frowned. 'Why not just send them to your scrib?' Jenks shrugged and put the chip in his pocket. 'You know Pepper. She does things in her own special way.' Ashby leaned over the mail crate. There was one small, flat package remaining, addressed to himself. The label had no indication of who had sent it, but it required a wristwrap scan. A flap snapped open as his wrist passed over it, and a frail rectangular object fell into Ashby's waiting palm. 'What is that?' Sissix asked. Jenks let out a low whistle and stepped closer. 'That's paper.' Kizzy's head snapped up. 'Whoa,' she said, goggling at the object. 'Is that a letter? Like a physical one?' She jumped to her feet. 'Can I touch it?' Jenks smacked her hand away. 'You've got fire shrimp crumbs all over your fingers.' Kizzy stuck a finger in her mouth, sucked it clean and wiped it off on her worksuit. Jenks smacked her hand again. 'Now you've got crumbs and spit. A letter's not a scrib, Kizzy. You can't wash it off.' 'It's that fragile?' 'It's made from very thin sheets of dried tree pulp. What do you think?' Ashby ran his fingers along the leaf-like edges, doing his best to look nonchalant. It was from Pei, it had to be. Who else would go to that much trouble to send a message that couldn't be monitored? He turned the letter over in his hands. 'How do I . . . uh . . .' 'Here,' Jenks said, extending his palm. 'My hands are clean.' Ashby handed over the letter. 'Kiz, do you have your knife on you?' Kizzy unsnapped a folded utility knife from her belt and handed it to Jenks. Her eyes widened with realisation. 'Wait, you're gonna cut it?' 'That's how you get the letter out of the envelope.' He flicked open the blade. 'Would you rather I tear it?' Kizzy looked horrified. Jenks deftly sliced the paper open. 'My mom used to give me letters on special occasions when I was a kid,' he said. 'Very special occasions. This stuff's expensive as hell.' He raised a wry eyebrow at Ashby. 'Somebody must like you a lot to send you this.' 'Like who?' Kizzy asked. Jenks put his fist up to his mouth and gave an exaggerated, harrumphing cough. 'Ohhh,' said Kizzy in a stage whisper. 'I'll be going back to my snacks then.' She backed away with a knowing chuckle. Ashby glanced over to the others. Sissix was smirking. Dr Chef's whiskers twitched in amusement. 'Alright, alright, shut up, all of you.' He walked away, leaving the others to examine their new items while he read his letter in peace. Hello, Ashby. Before you become too impressed with my ability to print by hand, you should know that I wrote all of this out on my scrib first. I tore through one of the sheets on my first try. Honestly, how did your species communicate like this for millennia without becoming nervous wrecks? Oh, wait, right. Never mind. It feels like ages since Port Coriol. I miss your hands. I miss sharing a bed. I miss sharing stories. I'll never understand how you can be so patient with someone who can't talk to you for tendays at a time. I'm not sure one of my own would've stayed with me through this. You Humans and your blind stubbornness. Believe me, it's— 'Jenks, Ashby, Sissix, anyone.' It was Lovey. She sounded frantic. 'We're in trouble.' Everyone in the cargo bay stopped to stare at the vox. Out in the open, trouble was even less of a good thing than it was on the ground. 'What's the problem?' Ashby said. 'There's a ship, another ship, coming in right at us. They've been blocking my scans with a dispersal field. Ashby, I'm so sorry—' 'That's not your fault, Lovey,' Jenks said. 'Stay calm.' 'What kind of ship?' Ashby said. 'I don't know,' Lovey said. 'Smaller than us, pinhole drive. I think it's a very small homesteader, but I don't know why a homestead ship would—' Corbin came running back into the cargo bay. 'Ship,' he gasped. 'Out the window. It's—' The whole ship rocked. The sounds of falling objects clanged down the hallway. Everyone started shouting. Ashby's stomach dropped. Something had hit them. 'Lovey, what—' 'Some kind of weapon blast. Our navigation's knocked out.' Sissix hissed profanities. Kizzy nodded at Jenks and jumped to her feet. 'Let's go,' she said. 'No,' Lovey said. 'I can get us moving in five minutes, but the primary navigation hub's completely fused. I can't tell which way we're going.' 'Fused?' Kizzy cried. 'What the fuck did they hit us with? Lovey, are you sure?' Sissix looked at Ashby. 'I can navigate the old-fashioned way, but not in five minutes, not if we want to be safe about it.' 'Pirates,' said Jenks. 'Remember, Kiz, on the news, fucking pirates following mail drones in, using scatter bursts to fry nav systems—' 'Oh, no,' moaned Corbin. Ashby stared at Jenks. 'Lovey, how long until they reach us?' 'Half a minute. There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.' 'This isn't happening,' Kizzy said. 'They can't.' 'Shit,' said Jenks. 'Quick, everybody, hide your stuff.' He pulled open an empty crate and threw Kizzy's package in. Dr Chef followed suit. There was a crash, a horrible, scraping, wrenching crash, right into the cargo bay doors. Corbin jumped behind a crate and covered his head. 'They're overriding the door controls,' Lovey said. 'Ashby, I—' 'It's okay, Lovey,' Ashby said. 'We'll take care of it.' He had no idea what that would entail. 'Oh fuck,' Kizzy said, tugging at her hair. 'Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.' 'Stay calm,' Dr Chef said. He put his arm round Kizzy's shoulders. 'Everyone stay calm.' Ashby took a few steps toward the bay doors, dumbfounded. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. A whirring sound on the other side argued otherwise. The doors clanked open. Sissix stood beside him, shoulders back, feathers on end. 'I don't know what to do,' she said. 'Me neither,' Ashby said. Think, dammit! His brain cycled through a jumble of options – find a weapon, run away, hide, hit them with . . . with something – but there was no time. Four sapients in hulking mech-suits came through the bay doors, all carrying battered pulse rifles. Their suits were large, bigger than a Human, but the creatures housed within were small, spindly, bird-like. Akaraks. Ashby had seen Akaraks before, on Port Coriol. Everyone knew how the Harmagians had treated them, back in the colonial days. Their planet was left barren, their water sources polluted, their forests stripped. Their homeworld had nothing for them, but neither did anywhere else. They were a rare sight out in the galaxy, but they could be found here and there, working in scrap-yards or begging on corners. Or, if they had run out of options, boarding ships and taking what they pleased. Ashby put up his palms. The Akaraks' voices came from tiny voxes inlaid below their helmets, shrieking and shrill. They weren't speaking Klip. 'Don't shoot,' Ashby said. 'Please, I can't understand you. Klip? Do you speak Klip?' There was no discernible response, only shrieks and clicks and angry waves of their weapons. The words meant nothing to him, but the guns did. Ashby felt a bead of sweat trickle down his brow. He brushed his hand across his face. 'Okay, listen, we'll cooperate, just—' The world exploded in pain as an Akarak swung the butt of its rifle up to meet Ashby's jaw. The Akaraks, the cargo bay, Sissix shouting, Kizzy screaming, Jenks cursing, all of it disappeared behind a curtain of red light. His knees buckled. The floor rushed up to meet his face. Then, nothing. Rosemary wasn't sure what she'd been expecting to see when she ran down to the cargo bay, but there was too much going on for her to think clearly. The bay doors had been wrenched open. Four armed Akaraks – Akaraks? – wearing mech-suits were yelling at everyone in some weird Harmagian-inspired dialect she couldn't make sense of. Ashby was unconscious (she hoped) on the floor, cradled by Kizzy, who was crying. The rest of the crew were on their knees with their hands in the air. Rosemary barely had time to process any of it before the Akaraks, startled by her sudden appearance, pointed their weapons at her, croaking strange words in a tone that would've sounded angry in any language. 'I—' Rosemary stammered, raising her palms in the air. 'What—' The Akarak closest to her – xyr mech-suit was trimmed with blue – ran at her, croaking the whole way. Xe shoved a gun in her face. Jenks started yelling back at the other Akaraks: 'She's unarmed, you fucking animals, leave her alone . . .' The biggest Akarak, xyr suit nearly three times Jenks's size, shook xyr weapon at the comp tech and pointed towards Ashby. The threat was unmistakable. Be quiet, or the same will happen to you. Jenks's hands balled into fists. There was a hum as the Akaraks' weapons began to charge. Am I about to die? Rosemary wondered. The thought was bewildering. 'Rosemary,' Sissix said over the din. 'Hanto. Try Hanto.' Rosemary wet her lips, trying to ignore the weapon beneath her nose. She met Sissix's eyes – scared, but insistent, encouraging. She dug her fingernails into her palms, so that no one could see her hands shaking. She looked down the gun barrel. She spoke. 'Kiba vus Hanto em?' The Akaraks fell silent. Everyone froze. 'Yes,' Blue Suit said. Xe turned xyr head back towards the others and pointed at Rosemary. 'Finally.' The gun did not move. The big Akarak stormed towards her. 'We will take your food and all supplies that are of use to us,' xe said. 'If you do not comply, we will kill you.' 'We will comply,' Rosemary said. 'There is no need for violence. My name is Rosemary. You may call me Ros'ka.' This had been her chosen name in secondary school Harmagian class. 'I will speak your needs to my crew.' Blue Suit pulled the gun back, but kept it pointed at her. The Akaraks croaked among themselves. The big Akarak gestured acknowledgment to Rosemary. 'I am our captain. You will not be able to pronounce my name, and I will not pretend to have another. Are there others elsewhere aboard your ship?' 'Our Navigator is in his quarters. He is a peaceful man and is of no danger to anyone.' Rosemary thought it best to not confuse the issue with plural pronouns. Captain Big huffed. 'If this is a trick, I will shoot you.' Xe turned and croaked to one of the others, who ran up the stairs. 'What's going on?' Sissix asked. 'They're going to get Ohan,' said Rosemary. 'I've explained they're no threat, and that we're willing to cooperate.' She cleared her throat and switched back to Hanto. 'My crew agrees to help. Please tell us what you require.' 'Food,' Blue Suit said. 'And tech.' A thought appeared. Rosemary knew little of Akarak culture, but from what she had read of them, she did know that they greatly valued the concepts of balance and fairness. The idea of taking more than you could make use of hadn't even occurred to them until the Harmagians showed up. She had heard that those values still lingered; that much was apparent even in the phrasing that Captain Big had chosen: We will take your food and all supplies that are of use to us. In Hanto, the semantics of those words strongly implied 'and nothing else.' Her mind raced, wondering if that scrap of knowledge was enough to gamble with. A large part of her argued in favour of self-preservation – shut up, just give them everything, you're going to get shot – but the braver thought won out. 'How many are aboard your ship? Are there any children?' Blue Suit snarled and raised the gun again. 'What difference does it make how many we are? You will do as we say!' Rosemary wiggled her fingers in a calming gesture. 'I will. But if there is any way that you can spare us enough food to last us until the next market, we would be humbly grateful. We do not wish to die out here any more than you do. Furthermore, I have read that Akarak young have very specific nutritional needs. If you have children aboard, we must make sure that our food does not lack for nourishment.' Captain Big considered this. 'We do have children aboard,' xe said at last. Rosemary took this as a good sign. Ashby's injured face and the pulse rifles aside, these people didn't seem violent. Just desperate. 'And yes, their needs are great. We may not find what we need aboard your ship.' 'Then let me offer this,' Rosemary said, treading carefully. 'One of us will show you our food stores. As I understand it, the Kesh To'hem market is less than a tenday from here. We will not be travelling there, as we cannot stray from our flight path. Take from us only what you need to last you the trip to Kesh To'hem, and we will give you credits and trade-worthy supplies so that you may purchase more suitable food. This way your young will get what they need, and we will not starve on our journey.' The Akaraks talked among themselves. Rosemary dug her nails in harder, hoping the pain would quiet the tremors beneath her skin. Her entire offer banked on a tiny piece of possibly erroneous info that she'd tucked away during one lone semester of Intro to Harmagian Colonial History. If she was wrong . . . well, she'd find out soon enough. At least they were all still breathing. Ashby was breathing, right? 'Rosemary?' Sissix said. 'How are we doing?' 'We're okay,' said Rosemary. I hope. 'Hang on.' 'We find this acceptable,' Captain Big said. 'What sort of fuel do you use?' 'Algae.' 'We will take some of that as well.' 'Are they asking about fuel?' Corbin said. 'Because I just siphoned off the skim yesterday, and it's taken five tendays for this batch to get—' 'Corbin,' Dr Chef said with deadly calm. 'Be quiet.' And for once, Corbin had nothing further to say. 'What did the pink man say?' Captain Big asked. 'He is our algaeist,' Rosemary said. 'He is merely . . . concerned about the product he has worked so hard to produce. But you will have fuel. There is no trouble.' Captain Big tapped xyr chin inside xyr mech suit. 'If we take ten barrels, will you have enough to reach your next destination?' Rosemary asked Corbin the question. He nodded sullenly. 'Yes, ten barrels will not be a problem,' she said. The conversation had gone from frightening to bizarre. The inflections that Captain Big was using didn't have a parallel in Klip, but in Hanto, they were downright polite. She would expect to hear this kind of talk in a shop or a restaurant, not while standing at gunpoint. It was as if the Akaraks thought of her as a merchant, with the threat of violence serving as currency. 'We will require technical supplies as well,' Captain Big said. 'Our engines are in need of repair.' Rosemary gestured understanding. 'Kizzy, do you know anything about the ship they're flying? Would any of our tech be compatible?' 'Some of it, maybe. I dunno.' 'Our tech believes some of our equipment may work with yours, but she can make no promises. She will help you find what you need.' 'Very well,' Captain Big said. 'You will accompany me, along with your tech, so that you may translate our needs. She—' xe gestured at Blue Suit – 'will go with one of your crew to gather food. The others of my party will stay with the rest of your crew here. You seem to be a reasonable people, but we will not hesitate to kill you should you try to overthrow us.' 'You have our complete cooperation,' said Rosemary. 'We do not wish for either of our crews to come to harm.' Rosemary began to explain the deal to the rest of the crew. Everyone nodded, looking a little less tense, though still afraid. The humming of the guns had stopped. We might just get out of this, Rosemary thought, just before the fourth Akarak reappeared and threw Ohan into the room. The other Akaraks went nuts. A frenzied conversation took place, with the Akaraks all talking over one another and Rosemary trying to interject where she could. 'What the hell is going on?' Sissix asked. 'They want to take Ohan,' Rosemary said. The Wayfarer's crew exploded. 'What?' said Kizzy. 'My ass!' said Jenks. 'For what?' asked Sissix. 'To sell them,' Rosemary said. 'What?!' Kizzy cried. 'A Pair would fetch a fine price on the right planet,' Dr Chef said. 'If it keeps you all from harm . . .' Ohan began. 'No,' said Jenks. 'No way. Rosemary, you tell those fucking birds in their fucking hackjob suits that they can shove—' 'Jenks, shut the fuck up,' Kizzy said, holding Ashby's head protectively. His blood looked sticky on her hands. 'Stop it, stop it, all of you, you'll get us all killed,' Corbin said. 'You shut up, too, Corbin.' 'Calm your crew,' said Captain Big. 'Or there will be violence.' 'Shut up, everybody, shut up,' Rosemary yelled. She turned towards Captain Big. 'Ohan is part of our crew. We have cooperated with all your other demands, but this—' 'This man could end our poverty,' said Captain Big. 'He would be of great use to us. You would do the same in our place.' 'No, I would not.' Captain Big pondered this. 'Perhaps. But even so, you have little choice right now.' 'Offer him something else,' said Sissix. 'Like what?' Rosemary said. 'Ambi,' said Kizzy. 'Give him the ambi cells.' The Akaraks froze. At last, a word in Klip they understood. 'You have ambi aboard your vessel?' 'Yes,' said Rosemary. 'We will give you the ambi freely if you leave the Navigator with us.' 'What is to stop us from taking both the ambi and the Navigator?' Blue Suit asked, raising her rifle. Rosemary felt her stomach sink. Fair point. 'They want to know why they can't take the ambi and Ohan.' 'Shit,' Jenks said. 'Why do I ever say anything?' Kizzy moaned. Dr Chef spoke. 'Tell them that Ohan is of no value to them.' Rosemary translated. The Akaraks demanded an explanation. 'Why?' she asked Dr Chef. 'Because Ohan is dying.' The Wayfarer's crew turned to stare at Dr Chef. Ohan closed their eyes and said nothing. Rosemary collected herself. It was a bluff, surely. She relayed the news to the Akaraks. The Akaraks shrank back. The one who had thrown Ohan into the room recoiled. 'Is he contagious?' 'I . . . don't think so,' Rosemary said. 'Dr Chef, some help, please.' 'Ohan is in the final stages of a Sianat Pair's life,' Dr Chef explained. 'They will not last more than a year.' He paused, and added: 'Any buyer who might consider purchasing a Sianat Pair would be familiar enough with the species to know the signs.' Rosemary translated. 'You may be lying,' Captain Big said. 'But the risk of wasting fuel and food on useless cargo outweighs the possible gains, especially in light of the ambi. We will leave him, then, but you will give us your entire stock of ambi cells.' Rosemary agreed. 'Ohan stays,' she said to the crew. 'Oh, stars,' Kizzy said. 'But they want all the ambi.' 'Fine,' Sissix said. 'Good thing the GC's got our tab on this one,' Jenks said. Rosemary and Captain Big discussed logistics. Groups from both crews split up, leaving Jenks, Ohan and a barely conscious Ashby – stars, his eyes were finally open – under guard in the cargo bay. Rosemary took Kizzy's hand as they walked out the door with Captain Big. Kizzy squeezed back so hard that one of Rosemary's knuckles popped. Jenks's voice followed them. 'Have fun stealing our stuff, assholes! Rosemary, you want to translate that?' She let that one go. Ashby lay on the bed in the med bay, trying to move as little as possible. Both his hands were occupied. His right hand was outstretched beneath the medical scanner, where a thick beam of light showed him where to position his wrist patch. Dr Chef sat on the other side of the scanner, hrrming as he input directions for Ashby's imubots. Somewhere beneath Ashby's skin, two platoons of bots had separated off from their daily patrols and were now repairing the fracture in his jaw and the bruise on his brain. Dr Chef had said a lot about 'granulation tissue' and 'osteoblasts,' but those things wouldn't have meant much to Ashby even if he hadn't been drifting along on a slow tide of painkillers. The part about lying still and not moving his jaw, though, that much he had understood. He could manage that. His other hand was gripped tightly within Sissix's claws. She sat beside him, giving a play-by-play of everything that had happened after he'd blacked out. Every so often, she let go of his hand to let him type a question on her scrib. Dr Chef had banned talking for the time being. No one else was hurt. The ambi, the food, none of that mattered. They were things, and things could be replaced. His crew couldn't be. The relief he'd felt upon learning he was the only one who'd wound up in the med bay topped anything that the painkillers could give. Where's everyone now? he wrote. 'Kizzy and Jenks are fixing the damage to the bay doors. They say it's mostly superficial. They already replaced the navigation hub, so that's working fine. Corbin started prepping a replacement algae batch the minute the Akaraks flew off. I think Rosemary's tallying our losses.' She smirked. 'And guess where Ohan are?' Quarters? Sissix shook her head. 'They're sitting down in the cargo bay with the techs.' Ashby stared at her. He blinked. 'I know. They're not talking or anything, just sitting there in a corner, in their own little headspace, like always. But they haven't been back to their quarters at all, and they followed Kizzy down the hall when she went to grab some tools. Never thought I'd say this, but Ohan don't want to be alone right now.' Ashby blinked again. Huh, he wrote. An hour passed. Dr Chef gave a pleased nod and turned the monitor round for Ashby to see. The screen displayed a camera view from one of his imubots, which was doing . . . something to a big, white spongy wall (his jawbone, he supposed). Other bots scurried around the peripheries of the frame, like swimming spiders. 'You're coming along fine,' Dr Chef said. Ashby took his word for it. He had no idea what was going on in there, and he always found the experience of seeing inside his own body to be unsettling. 'You can talk now, but small movements, please. The fracture hasn't fully healed yet. And your brain still needs some work.' 'I could've told you that,' Sissix said. 'Thanks,' Ashby said, moving his mouth gingerly. 'Your sympathy is appreciated.' He licked his lips. The inside of his mouth felt stale. 'Can I have some water?' Sissix filled a cup from the sink. She held it to his mouth, helping him drink. 'Need anything else?' 'No,' he said. 'Or, wait. Can you bring Rosemary in here?' Sissix cocked her head toward the vox. 'Lovey, did you catch that?' 'I'll get her for you,' Lovey said. 'It's good to hear your voice again, Ashby.' 'Thanks, Lovey,' Ashby said. A few minutes later, a curly-haired head peeked round the doorway. 'You wanted to see me?' 'Hey, Rosemary,' Ashby said. 'Have a seat.' The pain meds made his speech sound sloppy, as if he'd had a few too many drinks. He sincerely hoped he wasn't drooling. Rosemary pulled up a stool beside Sissix. 'Are you okay?' she asked Ashby. 'I'm fine. Bastard busted my jaw, but it beats getting shot.' He leaned his head back into the pillow, trying to think through the concussion and the medicated haze. 'I don't know why that guy hit me.' He rubbed his eyes, trying to fight the wooziness away. 'Just to scare us, probably,' Sissix said. 'Show us who's boss. I know I was scared.' She laid her head on Ashby's arm. Rosemary studied Ashby's face. Something had her attention. 'What?' he asked. 'Did you touch your face at all while you were talking to the Akarak captain? Like you're doing now?' 'Um, yeah, maybe.' Ashby pushed through the fog, trying to remember. 'I don't know, it all happened so fast.' 'Something like this, maybe?' Rosemary rubbed her eyes with her palm, as if she had a headache. 'Possibly. Yeah. Yeah, I think I did.' Rosemary grimaced. 'That explains it. See, this—' She tucked her thumb back and held her fingers straight and flat, making her hand into a rough imitation of a Harmagian dactylus. She flexed her hand over her eyes, twice. '—is a really offensive thing to Harmagians. And those Akaraks' gestures and dialect were very Harmagian-influenced.' 'What's it mean?' Rosemary cleared her throat. 'It means you'd rather rub shit in your eyes than keep talking to them.' Ashby blinked. He and Sissix both burst into laughter. 'Oh,' he said, grabbing his jaw. 'Oh, ow.' His jaw wasn't quite ready for laughter yet. 'Careful,' said Dr Chef. 'If it doesn't heal properly, we'll have to do this all over again.' Sissix was still chuckling at Ashby. 'I'd have hit you for that, too.' 'Yeah,' said Ashby. He held his lips tight, trying to keep his jaw from moving too much. 'Likewise.' 'At least you told them off, right?' 'Right,' he said, with a restrained smile. 'I'm sure the psychological damage of my accidental insult cut them real deep.' 'Speaking of damage,' Rosemary said. She held up her scrib. 'I've tallied our losses, I filed an incident report, and I'm currently drafting a list for the Transport Board so they can cover—' Ashby waved his palm at her. 'We can talk about all that later. That's not why I asked you here.' 'Oh.' 'I wanted to thank you. Without you, I'm not sure we would've got out of this one as well as we did.' Rosemary looked embarrassed. 'I don't know. I just got lucky. There are a lot of cultures I know nothing about.' 'Maybe, but it was good luck nonetheless, and luck we wouldn't have had otherwise. More importantly, you had a cool head and kept everyone safe. Today would've been much, much worse if you hadn't been here.' He reached out to take her hand. 'I'm glad you're on my crew.' Rosemary started to say something, but whatever it was shifted into: 'Oh, no.' Her hand darted up to catch a tear running down her cheek. 'Oh, stars, I'm sorry,' she said. Another tear fell, and another. Rosemary put her face in her hands. The dam broke. 'Aw, hey now,' Sissix said with a kind laugh, putting her arm round Rosemary's trembling shoulders. 'Have you not had a chance to freak out yet?' Rosemary shook her head, pressing her hand against her nose. Her whole face was leaking. Poor kid, Ashby thought. He wouldn't blame her if she wanted to take a safe planetside job after this. Hell, even he found the idea appealing. 'These Humans, huh?' Sissix said to Dr Chef. 'I took some time to freak out. Didn't you?' 'I sure did,' Dr Chef said. He handed Rosemary a clean cloth. 'Once I'd medicated Ashby and got his bots going, I locked myself in my office and yelled for a good ten minutes.' 'That's what that was?' Ashby said. He had a dim memory of layers upon layers of haunting chords, cutting through the waves of pain. 'I thought you were singing. It was really pretty.' Dr Chef gave a short, loud laugh. 'Ashby, if the Akaraks think rubbing shit in your eyes is bad, the things I said in my office would have permanently scarred them.' He rumbled and cooed. 'But Sissix is right, dear,' he said, placing a hand on the back of Rosemary's head. 'Your species does have a knack for emotional suppression. And as your doctor, I would like to say that diving straight into paperwork after negotiating at gunpoint wasn't a very healthy decision.' One of Rosemary's sobs turned into a solitary chuckle. 'I'll remember that next time.' 'No "next time," please,' Sissix said. 'I'd rather not do this again.' 'Agreed,' Dr Chef said. He glanced at the bot monitor. 'Ashby, you've got about two more hours before you're all patched up. Nothing you can do but lie there and take it easy.' 'That's fine,' Ashby said. 'I could use a nap.' The drugs were weighing on him, and conversing had worn him out. 'And I could use a meal. Ladies, would you care to accompany me to the kitchen? Let's see if we can't throw together some comfort food from whatever the Akaraks left behind.' He patted Rosemary's back. 'I've got some new seedlings that I think will make you smile.' Rosemary inhaled, pulling herself back together. 'One more thing,' she said. 'About Ohan.' 'Ah,' Dr Chef said. 'Yes.' 'Was it—' 'True? Yes, I'm afraid so. And I'm sorry I had to tear down Ohan's privacy like that. It was the only thing I could think to do.' 'Stars,' said Rosemary. 'I had no idea.' 'I just found out, too,' Sissix said. She frowned at Ashby. 'And I still don't understand why that is.' Ashby sighed. 'We'll argue about this later, Sis. My head is swimming.' 'Fine,' she said. 'You get to play the injury card this time.' She tapped a claw on his chest. 'Later.' Once alone in the med bay, Ashby reached for the paper letter tucked away in his pocket. He made himself push back the drugs' call for sleep just a few minutes longer. —a trait I am glad of. I don't know how long this run will take (it's a delicate one), and I know you won't be back to Central space until next standard. But I have more paper, so at least I can say hello when I make market stops. And I'll send you a scrib letter as soon as I'm clear. This paper has far too little space for me to write everything I want to say, so know this: I love you, and I think of you always. Travel safe. Pei Once the bay doors were fixed and a meal was consumed, Jenks did several things. First, he took a shower. The whole ship felt gross now, after having those mech-suit bastards pawing around. He couldn't scrub out the ship, but he could clean himself, at least. He ignored the fifteen-minute shower rule. It wouldn't be that much extra work for the water reclamation system, and today of all days, Kizzy would forgive him for it. Back in his room, he retrieved the info chip from the pocket of his crumpled trousers. He sat naked on his bed, plugged the chip into his scrib, and read the message. Hey, buddy. Found a seller for that software upgrade we talked about. He's willing to get you the whole kit and kaboodle, but he wants to be paid up front, non-refundable, non-negotiable. You know how these specialty techs are. The guy you need to talk to is Mr Crisp. I've heard his name kicked around before. Solid reputation. He's got his own asteroid and everything. Hell of a programmer, good with custom work. He's expecting to hear from you. Contact info's below. Please don't share it with anyone. And hey – think about what I told you. You sure this is the right upgrade for you? Come see us again soon. I'll make dinner this time. Or, well, I'll buy it, at least. Pepper His eyes lingered over the word 'kit.' He knew what Pepper meant. He thought about what she had said at Port Coriol, about responsibility and consequences. He thought about it just long enough to be able to say that he'd done so. He put on some trousers and walked down to Lovey's core. They talked for hours. All the risks and dangers had been spoken of before, a dozen times over. But as both comp techs and AIs knew well, redundancy in the name of safety was always a good idea. 'There are two things that bother me,' Lovey said. 'Not enough to say no, but we need to make up our minds about them.' 'Shoot.' 'First, if I transfer into a kit, the ship will be without a monitoring system. Since I'll effectively be quitting a job I care very much about, I want to make sure I have a good replacement lined up.' Jenks drummed his fingers against his lips as he thought. 'I don't know why, but something about installing a new AI feels strange, under the circumstances. Do you think she'd be jealous, seeing you walking around while she's living in your core?' 'Depends on the AI and whether or not she's interested in a body to start with. But I do think it could cause problems. Say, hypothetically, she sees me walking around, and she wants to know why she can't have the same opportunity. Why I got a choice that she didn't.' 'That's a good point,' Jenks said, frowning. 'And it wouldn't be fair.' He sighed. 'So then—' 'Don't give up yet, I'm not finished. What if a non-sentient model replaces me?' Jenks blinked. A non-sentient model could do Lovey's job, yes, with some heavy tweaking, but it would never be someone they could speak to in a relatable way. It would never really be part of the crew. 'Wouldn't that bug you?' 'Why would it?' 'Living with an AI that was designed to be less intelligent than you, just smart enough to do hard work, but not allowed to grow into something more? I dunno, I've always been on the fence about that.' 'You're sweet, but that's silly.' He smirked. 'Why?' Lovey paused. 'Are you comfortable with the idea of beasts of burden? Horses pulling carts, that kind of thing?' 'Yeah, so long as they're treated well.' 'Well, then, there you go.' 'Hmm.' He'd need to chew on that. 'It'd be Ashby's call, in the end.' 'That's the second thing that bothers me. We keep glossing over what Ashby's going to do when he learns what we're up to.' Jenks sighed again, heavily. 'I honestly don't know. He's not going to be happy about it. But he won't report us. That's not his style. Best case, he gives me an earful, but lets us stay. Worst case, we have to leave.' 'That worst case isn't unrealistic. He could lose his licence if he's found knowingly carrying illegal tech.' 'Yeah, but how often do we get searched? And when we do, it's not like—' 'Jenks.' 'What? The chances of us getting caught—' 'Exist. I'm willing to take that risk. Ashby might not be. Is that something you're ready for? I'm not going to make you lose your job and your home over me. That's your choice, not mine.' He laid his hand against her core. 'I know. I love this ship. I love my job. I love this crew.' He ran his palm down the smooth, flawless curve. 'And I don't want to leave. But I won't be on the Wayfarer for ever anyway. Someday, when the time's right, I'll go do other things. If that time gets chosen for me, well . . . okay.' 'You're sure?' He sat thinking, watching her light shine between his fingers. He thought of the familiar insides of the walls of the ship, the way Ashby trusted him to tweak them just right. He thought of the groove in his mattress that fit no one but him. He thought of drinking mek in the Fishbowl, Sissix laughing, Dr Chef humming. He thought of Kizzy, who he knew he'd be sitting with in some sketchy spacer bar sixty years down the road, both of them old and obnoxious. 'Yeah,' he said quietly. 'Yeah, I'm sure.' For a moment, Lovey said nothing. 'Even if it came to that, they wouldn't hate you. These people are always going to be your friends.' 'Yours, too.' 'I don't know about that.' 'I do.' He fell quiet. 'So. We're doing this?' 'Sounds like it to me.' There was a smile in her voice, a smile he longed to see. 'Okay.' He nodded, and laughed. 'Wow. Okay. I'll contact this guy tomorrow.' He slept in the AI pit that night, his head nestled against a cold interface panel. He could feel the dull metal pressing little hatchmarks into his skin. He fell asleep imagining soft arms across his chest, warm breath against his cheek. Day 249, GC Standard 306
It was an odd name for a moon. Calling it a colony was an exaggeration. Ashby could count ten buildings nearby, plus a few solitary settlements peppering the hills and cliffs beyond. The roads were little more than flat grooves in the dirt. There were flight lights and pedestrian paths, but they looked like an afterthought. The sky was the colour of sulphur, the ground the colour of rust. Fine silt already settled thickly in the grooves of their breathing masks and the frames of their goggles. There were no other sapients in sight. Ashby held up a hand to block the glare of the white sun. 'Sissix?' 'Mmm?' Her voice, like his own, was muffled behind a mask. 'Why are we here?' 'Is this a philosophical question, or—' He shot her a look. 'Why are we here, on this platform, right now?' The platform in question was a thick sheet of industrial metal, orange around the seams, held up by support beams of dubious reliability. Kizzy and Jenks sat on the edge of the platform, ranting about some action sim while Kizzy twisted bits of discarded metal into animal shapes. Rosemary was in a nearby kiosk, arguing with a malfunctioning AI about docking costs. A faded sign hung from the kiosk roof: WELCOME TO CRICKET. Beneath this sign was a lengthy warning regarding the tendency of unlicensed sub-dermal implants to set off weapon detectors. Sissix adjusted her goggles. 'As I remember it, Kizzy said, "You know what we need?", and you said, "What?", and she said, "Guns," and you said, "No guns," and she said, "A shield grid, then," and added that she had some friends who could fix us up, and that they weren't too out of the way—' 'That much I recall,' said Ashby. 'I suppose my real question is, why did I agree to this?' 'You were concussed and mildly sedated.' 'Ah. That explains it.' 'I have to say, Ashby, having a few weapons on board for this job isn't a bad idea. Especially in light of recent events.' 'Don't you start, too. Us getting boarded was a freak occurrence at best. I've been flying all my life, and that's never happened to me before. I'm not filling my home with weapons just because we're feeling shaken up.' 'Ashby, we're heading into what was very recently a warzone. You think there won't be other desperate, dangerous people out there?' He touched his jaw. The bruises from the Akarak's rifle were still fading. He revisited those horrible moments in the cargo bay, remembered how it felt to have strangers rip their way into his home. He recreated the incident, imagining a gun in his hand. Would he have fired? He couldn't say. But imagining the addition of a weapon in that scenario made him feel safer. He no longer felt helplessness. He felt powerful. And that was what scared him. 'I'm not compromising my principles over this. That's that.' 'Fucking Exodans,' Sissix said, but she said it with a smile. Ashby snorted a laugh. 'Kizzy said the exact same thing. She's making out like we need an entire planet-busting arsenal strapped to our hull.' 'She was scared, Ashby. We all were. We all are.' Sissix held his hand and nuzzled his shoulder with her cheek. Rosemary slammed the kiosk door behind her. 'Stupid hackjob AI.' She glowered as she tried to brush a stubborn clot of dust off her goggles. 'For as much as it cost to dock here, they could at least provide decent customer service.' 'How much did it cost?' asked Ashby. 'Seventy five hundred credits,' said Rosemary. 'Plus administrative fees. Not that I actually see any administrators around.' Ashby whistled. 'Damn,' he said. 'These friends of Kizzy's better be worth it.' Rosemary fidgeted. 'Ashby, it's a little sketchy here. I don't mind doctoring formwork a bit, but—' 'Don't worry,' said Ashby. 'I'm not bringing any illegal equipment onto my ship, especially not when we're so close to Quelin space. I'm sure Kizzy's friends are trustworthy folks.' 'How long have you known Kizzy?' Sissix said. Ashby followed her gaze toward an open-top skiff humming its way to the platform. The driver stood up on his seat as he approached, even though the vehicle was still moving. He was a solidly built Human man, younger than Ashby, wearing nothing from the waist up but an air mask, several carved pendants and a small rocket launcher on a shoulder strap. Shaggy burnt-copper locks fell down past his shoulders, cloak-like. He had a beard to match, clipped short along his jawline, cascading into a braided curtain below his chin. His skin was darkly tanned, but the peach undertones indicated an isolated ancestry on an old fringe colony, far removed from Exodan intermingling. His chiselled muscles were covered with implanted techports and intricate tattoos, and his left forearm had been replaced by a multi-tool appendage, which looked homemade. As the skiff got close, Ashby could see thick scars braided around the seam between the tech arm and the man's skin. He had a feeling the surgery had been a home affair as well. 'Ah, great,' Ashby sighed under his breath. A shield grid was a good idea. A tweak-happy hackjob mod was something else entirely. How had he agreed to this? 'Kizzy!' the skiff driver boomed, his voice jubilant. He spread his arms wide, reaching towards the sky. 'Bear!' Kizzy squealed, tossing her half-folded metal rabbit aside. It sailed past a placard instructing dock users on the proper disposal of litter. She ran down the platform steps two at a time. 'Bear, Bear, Bear, BEAR!' She launched herself over the side of the skiff and into his arms, knocking both of them back into the seat. Jenks sauntered after her, grinning. He and Bear clasped hands warmly as Kizzy hugged Bear's head, cheering 'hooray!' Rosemary turned to Ashby. 'His name's Bear?' she asked in Ensk. 'Seems that way,' Ashby said. 'Does "bear" mean something?' Sissix asked. The Ensk word stuck out awkwardly in Klip, especially with Sissix's accent. 'What's a bear?' Ashby started walking. He nodded down towards the hulking, hairy man crushing their mech tech in his massive arms. 'That's a bear.' 'Welcome to Cricket!' Bear called out, giving them a wave. He was friendly, at least. Ashby extended his hand once he cleared the stairs. 'Hi there. Ashby Santoso.' 'Ah, the captain!' Bear shook Ashby's hand. Ashby tried not to stare at his other arm, the one with the wires and scars. 'Kizzy speaks very highly of you.' Kizzy blushed. 'Shh,' she said. 'He'll think I asked you to butter him up.' 'You must be Sissix,' Bear said, reaching out to shake her claws. 'It's nice to meet you.' He stared at her, holding her hand a little too long. He gave his head a shake, as if waking himself up. 'I'm really sorry,' he said, looking embarrassed. 'I don't get off-world much, and we don't get a lot of other species out here.' 'That's all right,' said Sissix, looking a little confused. She probably hadn't even noticed that the handshake was too long. 'And . . .' Bear thought for a moment. 'Rosie? Is that right?' 'Rosemary,' she said with a smile, shaking his hand. 'Rosemary. Got it. Hey, did I see you walk away from the AI just a little bit ago?' 'Yeah. Sure isn't cheap to dock here.' Bear shook his head. 'I'll get that credited back to you. This jokester named Mikey set that thing up just to make some quick creds from offworlders who don't know better. It's a total scam. I'll tell him you guys are family. It's close enough to the truth.' 'Aww,' said Kizzy, giving him a squeeze. 'Alright, everybody pile in,' Bear said. 'I hope you don't mind getting a bit cosy.' The skiff was not built for five passengers (especially one with a tail), but with a bit of wiggling and rearranging, they managed to cram themselves into the dirty, dented vehicle. 'Kizzy, travel music, if you would.' Bear directed her to a makeshift sound system that consisted of a hacked scrib and three small speakers held down with industrial bolts. The size of the speakers was deceptive. Everybody jumped as the first violent strains of some charthump band emerged with a roar. The three techs gave one another a satisfied nod, and the skiff tore off. Between the throbbing music and the air rushing past, there wasn't much room in the skiff for conversation. Ashby watched the world go by from his cramped seat. He had thought upon arrival that perhaps a proper colony might be hiding somewhere behind one of the towering cliffs, but no, Cricket was an empty moon. Craggy expanses of dust and rock stretched on and on, punctuated by the occasional bunker-like homestead. Stubborn succulents peeked out here and there, but Ashby saw no signs of farming – nor water sources, for that matter. There had to be water somewhere. Agreeable gravity and a tolerable atmosphere wasn't enough to warrant a colony, not unless you had the means to import water from off-world. From the little he had seen, he didn't think the people of Cricket were quite that well-to-do. Off in the distance, something scurried into a crack in the ground. The skiff was moving too quickly for Ashby to get a good look, but whatever it was had been big, about the size of a large dog. Perhaps Bear's rocket launcher wasn't just for show. The skiff followed a curving road up one of the cliffs. The road was wide enough for the skiff, but barely. Ashby glanced over the edge, and immediately regretted it. Like many lifelong spacers, Ashby didn't care much for heights on land. Looking down at a planet from orbit was no problem, because out there, falling meant floating. If you took a long fall inside a ship – say, down the engine shaft on a big homesteader – you'd have enough time to shout the word 'falling!' This would prompt the local AI to turn off the adjacent artigrav net. Your descent would abruptly end, and you'd be free to drift over to the nearest railing. You'd piss off anyone in the vicinity who'd been drinking mek or working with small tech parts, but it was a fair price to pay for staying alive (the 'falling' safety was also popularly exploited by kids, who found the sudden reversal in gravity within a crowded walkway or a classroom to be the height of hilarity). But planetside, there was no artigrav net. Even a drop of a dozen feet could mean death, if you landed wrong. Ashby didn't care much for gravity that couldn't be turned off. As they rounded a corner, a homestead appeared, built on a flat outcrop. A tall sheet metal fence surrounded all but the overhang, protecting the building within. The skiff passed through an automated gate, and the homestead came fully into view. It had been constructed, in part, from a small cargo ship, grounded for ever. A drab dwelling was conjoined at its side, like a bulbous sprout unfolding from an ugly seed. A receiver dish was stuck atop the roof, alongside a blinking light meant to shoo away flying vehicles. A safe distance from the homestead, two delivery drones rested on their launch pad. There was an industrial, fortress-like quality to the place, but there was something endearing about the all-too-Human workmanship. 'Home sweet home,' Bear said, parking beside a second skiff. 'Let's get inside. Oh, you can take your masks off out here. There's a shield covering everything within the fence, and we fill the pocket inside with breathable air.' He slipped the mask from his face. 'Ahh. That's better.' Ashby unfolded himself from the back seat. Sissix groaned. 'My tail's asleep,' she said, wincing as she flicked it from side to side. They followed Bear to the front door of the homestead. Ashby noticed a huge trash bin beside the building, so full that the lid was bulging open. He squinted. Atop the mechanical junk was a piece of some sort of organic husk, brittle and translucent. It reminded him of the insect casings he'd seen in Dr Chef's kitchen trash. Only bigger. A lot bigger. 'Wow,' said Rosemary, looking up at the homestead walls. 'Did you build this place yourself?' Ashby doubted that she'd ever seen a modder community firsthand. In some ways, he found it sweet that the galaxy was so new to her. Sweet, and a little sad. He was glad he hadn't grown up that sheltered. 'Most of it, no,' Bear said. He pressed his mechanical palm into a panel on the wall. The entry door slid open with a thunk. 'My brother and I – knock off your boots, please – bought this place about five years back. That's what, uh . . . about three standards? Or something? Never can remember GC time. Anyway, it belonged to an old comp tech who decided – oh, you can hang your masks on the rack here – she decided to go live closer to her grandkids. Since there was already a workshop and lots of storage space here, wasn't much we needed to add, just the launch pads and the receiver dish, a few comforts here and there—' 'Hello!' Another man entered the room. His uncanny resemblance to Bear made it unlikely that he was anyone but the aforementioned brother. His skin was likewise covered in dermal ports and tattoos, but his hair was tied back, his beard neatly combed. He wore a tasteful buttoned shirt over his creased trousers. An optical plate covered his right eye socket. The surface of the scanner embedded within it glistened, like the inside of a shell. He, too, was armed, but his weapons were more subtle: twin energy pistols, holstered in a vest. He carried a scrib as well, held close to his side as if he had just stood up from reading. There was a distinctly academic air to the man. Ashby could tell right away that he was one of the more bookish modders, the sort who revelled in knowing obscure data and the history of invention. 'Nib!' Kizzy cheered, running in for a hug. 'Oh my stars, how are you?' 'I'm very well,' Nib said. He did not return the hug with as much gusto as Bear, but the smile on his face showed a degree of fondness equal to what his brother had displayed. 'You've been away too long.' 'Seriously.' 'What, no hello for me?' Jenks grumbled. Nib peered all round the upper edges of the walls in an exaggerated manner, then looked down to Jenks. 'Oh, hey, Jenks! Didn't see you down there!' 'I hear that a lot from dipshits who shoot their own eyes out,' Jenks said with a grin. Both men laughed. Ashby blinked. He'd never seen Jenks react to jokes about his height with anything but silent, unnerving disapproval. Nib had clearly earned a few points with Jenks in the past. But Ashby also noticed that the exchange had left Bear unamused. It seemed the scruffy man wasn't fond of making fun of friends. Introductions were made and hands were shook. They followed Nib out of the front hall and into a common room. Ashby smiled the minute he walked in. He had been in homes like this before – sturdy, ramshackle dwellings made from whatever a few hardworking pairs of colonist hands could scrounge up. Cheap faded tapestries covered the walls, barely hiding the industrial sheet. Mismatched chairs and sofas were stuffed into the room, all angled round a pixel projector (that, at least, looked new). Pixel plants sat in the windowsill and hung from the ceiling, their digital leaves curling hypnotically, as if they were breathing. Ashby's grandmother had owned pixel plants like that, cheerful and homey. The air flowing through the ceiling vents was clean and cool, but there was a lingering scent of stale smash smoke – soot-like, woody. Behind one sofa was a workbench, covered with hand-labeled jars and boxes. Some room had been cleared on the bench for a pitcher of mek, a bottle of berry fizz and several glasses. Alongside the refreshments lay a partially constructed mech arm. 'That's the project that will never end,' Bear said, noticing Ashby's gaze. He raised his own mech arm. 'This one's fast, but it can't lift as much as I'd like. That one there's a prototype. I'm trying to create the perfect blend of physical strength and fast reflexes.' 'Good luck,' laughed Kizzy. 'You only get one or the other.' Jenks leaned towards Rosemary to explain. 'If biotech signals go too fast for your nerves to process, the rest of your body doesn't know to brace itself for the weight. You'll tear your muscles to shit that way.' Bear frowned at the prototype. 'But there's got to be a way around it.' 'You pull it off, you'll be the richest tech in the GC,' said Jenks. 'I don't even care about that,' said Bear. 'I just want to be able to throw a ketling barehanded.' Kizzy, Jenks and Nib laughed. Ashby started to ask what a ketling was, but Nib spoke first. 'May I offer anyone something to drink? Haven't got much, I'm afraid, but friends of Kizzy's deserve as much hospitality as we can give.' 'That's very kind. I'll take some fizz, thanks,' Ashby said. His nose was already warming to the aroma rising from the mek pitcher, but he didn't want to get too relaxed. He was here to buy equipment, after all. Laziness and credits rarely mixed well. The front door thunked open as Nib distributed drinks. 'Hey!' a female voice called from the hallway. She sounded young. 'Are they here yet?' 'We are here!' called Kizzy. 'Hello, sweet face!' 'Hi!' said the voice. 'Hi!' said Jenks. 'Wait until you see what I just bagged. Hol-ee shit—' 'Ember,' said Nib in a voice that could only belong to an older sibling. 'Whatever you've got, do not—' 'I'm not bringing it inside, dumb ass. I hit its goo sac. Leaking green shit all over the place. Come on out, you've got to see this.' Bear and Nib looked at each other. 'Dammit, we talked about this,' Bear said, already on his way out the door. Nib sighed and handed out drinks. 'Our sister has a penchant for seeking out trouble. Especially if it involves ketlings.' Rosemary beat Ashby to the question. 'What's a ketling?' 'Come on,' Nib said. 'Bring your drinks, I'll show you. And, ah, I hope you've got strong stomachs.' They went outside, safe behind the shield's breathable boundaries. The body of a creature lay in the dirt, motionless within puddles of its own fluids. Over it stood a rifle-wielding young woman – or was she a girl? Ashby couldn't say. She couldn't be any older than twenty. Unlike her brothers, she had no visible ports or implants. Her long curly hair was wild as Bear's, and her face was pretty in a hard sort of way. Her arms were toned and muscular, her skin dark with sun. Ashby wasn't sure that he'd ever been that fit. The creature, on the other hand, was silent and terrifying. It reminded Ashby of a grasshopper, if grasshoppers had needle-like maws and angry ridges across their backs. Layer upon layer of sharp-edged wings lay in a broken heap. Its legs were contorted and broken, some of them curling inward at rigored angles. There were thin hairs round its mouth and beneath its belly, which somehow made Ashby shiver more than any of the rest of it. The pillow-like sac beneath its jaw wasn't exactly leaking, as Ember had said. More like gushing in slow motion. Sticky, oily, sour-smelling green gunk pooled around the thing's nightmarish head. 'Would you look at this fucker?' Ember beamed. 'It's as big as me!' She looked around. 'Also, hello, new people. I would shake hands, but, um . . .' She held up a gloved palm. It was smeared with green. 'Wow,' said Sissix. She crouched in for a closer look, sipping her fizz. She did not seem to notice (or, at least, care) that Ember was studying her just as intently. 'I take it this is a ketling?' Ember gave a surprised chuckle. 'You've never seen a ketling before?' 'Why would she have?' Bear said. 'She's never been to Cricket.' He turned to the group of onlookers. 'That's how this moon got its name, incidentally. From these bastards.' Nib inspected Ember's handiwork. 'Where'd you find it?' he said, his voice far too calm. Ember's smile wavered for a split second before making a practised recovery. 'Um, y'know, sometimes there are loners hanging around the wells—' 'Bullshit,' Bear said, crossing his arms. 'Where?' Ember swallowed. 'Drymouth Gorge,' she said. 'But it was fine, I didn't get that close.' Bear took a bracing breath and looked skyward. Nib frowned. 'Ember, you know better.' Ember's cheeks went red. She gave a sulky shrug. 'It's dead, right?' 'That's not the—' Bear started. 'We'll talk about this later,' Nib said, his eyes flicking briefly towards their guests. Jenks examined the ketling's head, tipping it up to face him. It crunched as it moved. 'Holy shit,' said Jenks. 'You got it in the head. Kizzy, look.' He pointed to two holes, one on the side of its jaw, one near its lidless eyes. Ember shrugged again, but the corners of her mouth betrayed satisfaction. 'Yeah. It was rushing the skiff, so I had to be quick about it.' 'Dammit,' Bear said. He continued to shake his head, but said nothing further. 'I don't think I could've done anything if this beastie was coming at me,' Kizzy said, poking at the split carapace. She looked at Ember. 'Stars, I want to hug you so bad right now, but I'm afraid that green shit will poison me or something.' 'It's not poisonous,' Ember said. 'Just sticky.' 'Yeah, I don't want to be sticky, either.' Ashby glanced over at Rosemary. Her arms were folded across her chest. 'You okay?' he asked. 'Yeah,' she said, shaking her head. 'Its mouth is just . . .' She shuddered. 'You said it,' Bear said. 'Once they bite down, they don't let go, especially if they're mad. If they get your throat or your abdomen, you're a goner. And they chew on everything when they're in a breeding frenzy. Walls, skiffs, scrap, fuel cables, well pumps, you name it.' 'That's why they're such a problem when they swarm,' Nib said. 'In their dormant phase, they just cluster in the crags. They don't come out unless something gets close enough to piss them off.' He gave Ember a pointed look. 'But every year or two, they fly out en masse, flinging spawn everywhere and chewing on everything. It only lasts a couple days, but if you don't protect your property, you'll lose everything. That's what happened to the first settlers here. They showed up during dormancy and were totally unprepared for the first swarm.' Ashby started to wonder why the settlers had bothered rebuilding at all, but he already knew the answer. To some Humans, the promise of a patch of land was worth any effort. It was an oddly predictable sort of behavior. Humans had a long, storied history of forcing their way into places where they didn't belong. 'See how much goo's in the sac?' Ember said. 'This one was definitely ready to breed.' Nib nodded in agreement. 'We are overdue for the next plague.' Ember was eager to explain. 'The goo becomes spawn once it's fertilised. They keep it close to their maw so they can protect it. It's so gross. They just fly around for days, humping each others' heads.' 'Ember,' Bear said, cuffing her shoulder. 'Guests.' Ember ignored him, speaking with horrified relish. 'And when they're done, they hurl the goo out of their mouths. I bet they're gonna swarm in the next tenday.' 'What do you do when they swarm?' asked Sissix. 'Hunker down and wait it out,' said Bear. 'Nib and I upgraded the shields of the entire colony after we settled here. Ketlings can't get through once folks fire them up. Of course, we can't get out, either. Swarms are a great time to get caught up on vids.' 'What about the spawn?' 'We shoot it. Or set fire to it. Sounds mean, I'm sure, but trust me, it doesn't matter. They're always back in the thousands. And it's not like they're sentient or anything.' Nib nodded toward the ketling. 'You should clean it before it goes bad,' he said to Ember. 'That was the plan,' she said, pulling a large utility knife from her belt. 'I just wanted to show you guys before I put it in the stasie.' Rosemary's eyes were fixed on the sticky puddles beneath the ketling's damaged head. 'You're going to eat that?' 'No different from little bugs,' Ember said. 'Easier to clean 'em, too.' Without warning, she brought the knife down to sever the ketling's head. The outer shell was thick, and Ember had to twist the dangling head round a few times to break it free. Rosemary's mouth twitched. Nib gave a little chuckle and patted Rosemary's shoulder. 'If you stay for dinner, maybe we can change your mind.' 'Ooh, yes please!' Kizzy said. 'I have a million stories to tell.' Bear smiled at the group. 'You're all welcome to stay. I make a crazy good marinade, if you're up for barbecue.' He looked to Ember, who was admiring the ketling's gruesome head. He sighed with resignation. 'You want a pike for that? There are a few spare support poles left in the workshop. You could shave down a nice point with the metal grinder.' 'Oh, hell yes,' Ember grinned. 'I should finish cutting it up, though.' 'We'll leave you to it,' Nib said, with a quick glance at Rosemary. 'I think our guests have seen enough gore for one afternoon.' Ember smiled and nodded. As soon as their backs were turned and they had taken a few steps away, a wet splintering sound came from behind. Ashby didn't look back. He wasn't the squeamish sort, but there were some things in the galaxy he didn't need to see. 'Damn, that girl's a kick in the ass,' Kizzy said. 'I remember when she couldn't shoot a rock. And she was like, half my size at one point.' 'So?' said Jenks. 'I'm always half your size.' 'You know what I mean.' 'She's getting to be a better shot than me,' Bear said. 'And she's strong as hell. I'd like it if she spent more time in the shop with us, but these days she's more interested in climbing rocks and running around.' 'Which is fine,' Nib said. 'But we need to have another talk about provoking ketlings.' 'Yeah, because she'll totally listen this time.' Nib frowned. Ashby was almost certain by now that Nib was the elder brother. 'I'd like for her to reach her seventeenth birthday in one piece.' Ashby gaped. 'She's sixteen?' That was enough to warrant a glance back. The girl was dismantling the ketling with confidence, humming as she hacked its legs off. 'How old is that?' Sissix asked. 'Put that in Aandrisk context.' 'She's only got half her feathers, and she's moulting constantly.' Sissix raised her eye ridges. 'Remind me to never get on her bad side.' 'Well,' said Nib. 'What say we get on to the reason you're here?' He led them over to the bay doors of the grounded cargo ship. With the press of a palm lock, the doors groaned open. A few light globes revealed a cluttered workspace filled with industrial tools. Beyond, a small forest of storage racks stretched from floor to ceiling, holding shield generators of all shapes and sizes. 'Where's the fun stuff?' Jenks said. 'Up out of the way,' Bear said. 'Well, come on,' Kizzy said. 'Let's see things that go boom.' Ashby frowned. He didn't want to disrespect the brothers' work, but . . . 'I hope Kizzy was clear about the fact that I'm only in the market for a shield grid.' Nib smiled. 'I gleaned that from her message,' he said with a wink to Kizzy. 'Don't worry, we're not going to push anything on you. We're not weapons merchants, strictly speaking. Custom shields are our bread and butter. The weapons we make are just for fun. But they are available to you, should you change your mind.' He gestured a command at a control panel. There was a clanking sound above. Several flat racks descended from the ceiling, weapons hanging from them like heavy, frightening fruit. Ashby looked around in amazement. It was enough to equip an Aeluon assault squad, and then some. He wondered what Pei would think. 'Wow,' Sissix said. 'I know, right?' said Jenks. 'And this is all just for you guys?' 'It's our hobby,' Bear said. 'We only sell them to neighbours and trusted friends. We're not in the business of equipping bad guys. But if you want to discourage bad guys, oh yeah, we can do that.' Rosemary said nothing, but her face was tight. Ashby could relate to her apparent discomfort. They were standing in a cargo hold filled with things designed for killing. He doubted quiet Rosemary had even seen a gun before the Akaraks. 'A little overwhelming at first, I know,' Nib said with pride. Nib seemed to be an agreeable sort, so Ashby didn't mind being honest with him. 'I don't mean to offend, but I really don't want any weapons aboard my ship.' 'Let me guess. You're from the Fleet?' 'That obvious?' 'A bit,' said Nib with a smile. 'We have different philosophies, you and I, but I can understand where you're coming from. Violence is always disconcerting, even if it's only potential violence. But after the trouble you recently found yourself in – not to mention the place you're headed to – it sounds as if you could do with some basic tools of self-defence. If that only constitutes shielding for you, that's okay. But you need something.' 'Like that,' Jenks said. 'I like that.' Ashby followed his gaze to a gun – no, not a gun. A small cannon with handles. The barrel looked big enough to hold an infant. 'We call that one the Sledge,' Bear said. 'Packs a hell of a punch. And I highly doubt you need it.' 'Oh, but I do,' said Jenks. 'I need it desperately.' Bear laughed. 'We can go shoot holes in the cliffs with it later if you like.' Jenks looked at Kizzy. 'We need to come here more often.' As Kizzy and Jenks fawned over the ludicrous assortment of weaponry, Ashby and Sissix perused the shields. All misgivings that Ashby had about buying modder equipment vanished as Nib spoke to them about his tech. Nib already had the Wayfarer's specs on hand, but he wanted to know more than just engine readouts and hull dimensions. He wanted details. He wanted to know how old the ship was, what it was built from, if the materials used in the living quarters differed from the original framework. He wanted to know the specific strain of algae they used for fuel, and how much ambi they kept on board at a time (Ashby cringed inwardly at the reminder of the stolen cells; the GC was covering the loss, but still, it was an awful waste). Nib asked Sissix careful questions about her piloting techniques, and nodded with sincere consideration as she answered. Bear joined the conversation after a time, and the brothers debated shield mechanics with enthusiasm. In the end, Bear and Nib decided they would take apart several existing models and combine the components into something specially suited to the Wayfarer. Ashby felt as though he were buying a tailored set of clothes. These modders were no mere techs. They were artists. And for all they were offering, they required only a day's work and a sum of credits that Ashby suspected covered little more than the components themselves. Ashby made a mental note to thank Kizzy for being friends with these people. He turned round to see Jenks hand Rosemary a small energy pistol. The weapon looked out of place in her hands, like a fish being held by a desert-born Aandrisk. 'See, not so scary when you're the one holding it,' Jenks said. Rosemary didn't look too sure. Bear beamed. 'Want to take it for a spin?' Rosemary swallowed. 'I don't know how to shoot.' 'We can teach you,' Bear said. 'Easy-peasy. You don't need to know anything fancy.' 'And it's fun,' said a voice behind them. Ember, covered in green slime, ketling head in hand, walked into the cargo hold and began digging through a pile of metal support poles. She clutched the ketling's head by the antennae, holding it up to one pole at a time, trying to find a good width for skewering. 'Ember,' said Nib. 'Please tell me that you did not leave a butchered ketling lying out in the sun.' 'Meat's in the stasie,' she said. Bear gave her a knowing look. 'Please tell me that you did not leave a pile of guts lying out in the sun.' Their little sister set down the pole she had in hand, flashed a guilty smile and tiptoed in an exaggerated fashion back out of the cargo bay. Bear rolled his eyes to the ceiling with a sigh. 'I cannot wait for her to stop being a teenager.' 'I can,' Nib said. 'Do you know how impossible it's going to be to boss her around when she's twenty?' 'Question for you,' Sissix said. 'Totally unrelated.' 'Go for it.' 'One of our rotational stabilisers was damaged when the Akaraks hit us. We were going to pick up a replacement on our next market stop, but I hate flying without it for that long. You guys don't carry anything like that, right?' 'We don't, but we're hardly the only techs on this rock. You should to talk to Jess and Mikey,' said Bear. 'The same Mikey with the AI scam?' 'The same. But don't hold that against him, those two really know their shit. Old-school ship techs. Retired now, but they still spend lots of time in their workshop. Awesome folks. They live about an hour from here. If you like, I can call down and see if they're in. You could borrow a skiff, and be there and back by dinner time.' Ashby looked to Sissix. She nodded. 'Might as well, as long as we're here,' he said. He turned back to the brothers. 'You sure you don't mind us using a skiff?' 'Nah, no worries. If you guys can punch holes through space, I trust you to bring my skiff back in one piece.' 'Hey,' Ember yelled from outside. 'Anyone want to see what a ketling nervous column looks like?' 'No,' yelled Bear. 'No, they do not,' yelled Nib. 'Yeah, kind of,' Jenks said. He dashed outside, dragging Kizzy with him. Nib gave Ashby an apologetic shrug. 'Sorry for the chaos,' he said. 'That's okay,' Ashby said. Outside the cargo hold, Kizzy and Jenks were making disgusted, delighted sounds. 'I'm kind of used to it.' Rosemary had the sense that Ember knew a lot more about life than she did, but the girl had been wrong about one thing. The swarm didn't wait a few days. An hour or so after Bear put the butchered, basted ketling over the fire, its kin erupted from the crags with a fury. The sky was darkened within minutes. At a distance, the twitching clouds of insects looked almost like clusters of malfunctioning pixels. The ketlings darted madly across the sky as they fertilised, killed and sometimes ate one another. There had been a quick succession of bright flashes across the skyline as the people of Cricket activated the shields around their homes. The ketlings rammed headfirst into the shields, though they did not do so for any obvious reason. They did the same to rocks, plants, abandoned vehicles, even other ketlings. It seemed that the bugs disliked anything that infringed upon their ability to move in whichever direction they pleased. Ashby and Sissix had still been at the other compound when the swarm hit. Rosemary had checked in with them via her scrib's vidlink. None of them had any choice but to spend the night as unplanned houseguests. Neither of their hosts seemed to mind. On the contrary, it seemed that Jess and Mikey were only too happy to entertain some off-worlders. Ashby said that they had been pulling stashed delicacies out of cupboards left and right, and after Sissix had learned that the old couple spoke a little Reskitkish, they had become instant friends. Rosemary heard the women talking in the background over the vidlink – Sissix going slow, Jess pushing doggedly through the hissing syllables. From their laughter, Rosemary gathered that the conversation was a good one. The modder siblings were similarly delighted. 'There's nothing you can do about a swarm,' Nib said. 'It just means we get a day or two more with our friends.' The brothers were treating the miasma of biting, thrashing, spawn-vomiting insects as if it were a holiday. Ember and Kizzy lugged a case of home-brewed kick up from the cellar (like most things on Cricket, it had been made by a neighbour). Bear roasted Ember's prey beneath the safety of the shield. It was an odd tableau: an apron-clad man brushing marinade onto a spit roast while slavering beasts bounced furiously off the crackling bubble of energy above him. The bugs were undeterred by the piked ketling head, standing tall beside the entry gate. At first, Rosemary had felt uncomfortable being stuck in the modders' home, and not just for the swarm outside. Kizzy and Jenks were good friends with this family, but Rosemary was the odd one out. The thought of imposing on these strangers for a day or two – eating their food, sleeping on a grubby couch, listening to inside jokes – left Rosemary awkward. But the siblings' congeniality did away with those feelings. Bear in particular made an effort to include her, and attempted to fill her in when the stories started going over her head (most of the stories fell into one of two groups: 'the time we built this amazing thing' or 'the time we smoked too much smash and did something stupid'). Once she had got past the memory of the oozing ketling carcass, she found the shreds of spicy, flame-licked insect, wrapped in airy flatbread and washed down with crisp kick, actually made for an enjoyable meal. By the time dinner was over, Rosemary found herself unexpectedly at ease. The armchair she sat in was dusty and worn. The pixel plant flickering nearby smacked of poor taste. The enthusiastic chatter about tech and modding was impossible for her to contribute to. But unfamiliar as everything was, it was clear that her companions felt right at home. Belly full and body laughing, Rosemary could pretend that she fit in there, too. Nib brought out a fresh pot of mek to his houseguests and siblings, all of whom were situated round the pixel projector. Bear sat on the floor with his back against a couch. Kizzy sat behind him, putting tiny braids in his thick mane of hair. Jenks lounged nearby, smoking redreed and looking content. Ember sat at the workbench, frowning as she fussed with a circuit panel. 'You know,' the girl said as her brother entered the room. 'There's a way for this project to go way faster.' 'Really,' said Nib, his voice flat. He looked to Rosemary, raising the pot and his eyebrows in tandem. 'Mek?' 'Yes, please,' Rosemary said. A soothing cup of mek on a full stomach sounded perfect. It was almost enough to make her forget about the muffled droning coming through the outer walls. 'Seriously,' said Ember. 'These junction pins are so hard to see. If I had—' Bear glanced up. 'If it starts with "O" and ends with "cular implant," the answer is no.' 'Stop moving, Teddy,' Kizzy said. 'You're gonna end up with messy braids.' Ember sighed with the long-suffering weariness of a teenager. 'Hypocrites.' 'When you've stopped growing and your brain chemistry has evened out, you can get all the implants you want,' said Nib. His tone was parental. It seemed to irritate Ember all the more. 'Hate to be the bad guy, but your brother's right,' Jenks said. 'Put implants in too early and you'll wind up a mess. I knew a dude who got a headjack when he was fifteen. As he grew, his spine stretched, and the interface got all fucked up. Had to go back and get it done all over again. The hackjob idiot working on him didn't know what he was doing, and the poor kid wound up with an infection in his spinal cord. Almost killed him. Had to get all four limbs replaced just so he could move again.' 'Who the fuck puts a headjack in a kid that age?' Bear said. 'Stop moving,' Kizzy said. Bear grumbled. 'Ember, seriously, if you ever meet a modder who will implant teenagers, run like hell. Modding isn't just about getting sewn up with cool tech, it's about orchestrating a balance between the synthetic and the organic. If you don't care about the well-being of the organic, then – ow!' He yelped as Kizzy pulled his hair. 'Stop. Moving.' 'I know,' Ember said to Bear. 'Spare me the platitudes.' 'You are too young for a word like "platitudes,"' Jenks said. Ember stuck her tongue out at him. He returned the gesture. 'Besides, sweetie,' Kizzy said. 'You've got such pretty eyes. Why get a full implant when you could just wear a hud?' 'He's got a full implant,' Ember said, pointing at Nib. 'He also had an "incident,"' Jenks said. He pantomimed firing a gun at his own face, and made an explosion gesture over his eye. Redreed smoke burst from his nose as he laughed. 'I'm so glad you're staying over,' Nib said. Jenks raised his mug in a jaunty salute. Nib glanced at the clock on the wall. 'News should be uploaded by now. Anyone mind if I put it on?' he said. There was a general shaking of heads. 'Nib is something of a junkie when it comes to current events,' Bear said to Rosemary. 'Or past events. Or just events in general, really.' 'He's a reference file archivist,' Kizzy said. 'No kidding?' said Rosemary. 'Volunteer?' Nib nodded. 'Some people knit, some people play music, I dig through dusty old facts and make sure they're accurate.' He flopped back into a chair as the pixels in the central projector flickered to life. 'I like knowing things.' Rosemary was impressed. Archivists were passionate people, some of whom dedicated their whole lives to the pursuit of unbiased truth. Given the wealth of information that needed sorting through, professional archivists relied heavily upon volunteers to help keep public files current. Rosemary had always imagined them like guardians from some fantasy vid, defending the galaxy from inaccuracies and questionable data. 'What are you working on, if I may ask?' Rosemary said. 'I belong to one of the interspecies history teams. It's fascinating work, but it can be a real pain in the ass. You would not believe the amount of bogus, speciest submissions we have to deal with.' 'Examples,' Kizzy said. Nib sighed and scratched his beard. 'The best one I've seen in a while claimed that the Exodus Fleet could never have sustained that many people for so long, ergo the Human race did not originate on Earth at all.' Jenks raised his head. 'So where are we from, then?' Nib grinned. 'We're a genetweaked species the Harmagians cooked up.' Jenks hooted with laughter. 'Oh, my mom would have a coronary if she read that.' 'That's so dumb,' said Ember. 'What about all the Earthen ruins and stuff? All those old cities?' 'I know, I know,' Nib said with a shrug. 'But we still have to go through the process of objectively disproving the claim. That's our job.' 'Why would people go to all the trouble of trying to prove something like that?' Kizzy asked. 'Because they're idiots,' said Bear. 'And speaking of, the news has started.' Nib gestured to the pixels, bringing the volume up. A pixelated Quinn Stephens spoke from his desk, as always. Rosemary had never followed Exodan newsfeeds before coming aboard the Wayfarer, but she'd picked up the habit from Ashby. It was a comfort knowing that no matter what system you were in, Quinn was there to bring you the news. The pixels flickered with signal decay. They were a long way from the Fleet. The newsman's voice came through. '—news from Mars, the trial that has been dubbed the scandal of the century finally came to a close today with the sentencing of former Phobos Fuel CEO Quentin Harris the Third.' Rosemary's warm, comfortable feeling disappeared with a thud. Oh, no. She dug her fingers into the folds of her trousers, trying to keep her face as emotionless as the newsman spoke. 'Harris was found guilty of all charges, including extortion, fraud, smuggling and crimes against sapient kind.' Breathe. Don't think about it. Think about the bugs outside. Think about anything. 'Damn right he was found guilty,' said Jenks. 'What an asshole.' 'Who?' asked Bear, raising his chin. 'Head down,' mumbled Kizzy, holding several hair ties between her teeth. 'The Phobos guy,' said Nib. 'The one who sold weapons to the Toremi.' 'Oh, right,' Bear said. 'That asshole.' 'I don't know who we're talking about,' Ember said. 'Ever heard of Phobos Fuel? Big ambi distributor?' Second biggest, in Human space, Rosemary thought. 'I guess,' said Ember. Bear pointed at the pixels. 'Well, the dude who owned the company apparently had an illegal weapons business on the side. That's where his real creds came from.' 'You've got illegal weapons.' Nib crossed his arms. 'Ember, there is an enormous difference between making weapons for fun and selling gene targeters to both sides of a interstellar blood feud.' Ember raised her eyebrows. 'Gene targeters? That's . . . wow. That's fucked up.' 'Yep,' Bear said. 'And now he and his buddies are going to jail for ever.' Jenks shook his head. 'Why can't people just stick with bullets and energy bursts and be happy about it?' 'Because people are assholes,' said Bear, dutifully keeping his head down. 'Ninety per cent of all problems are caused by people being assholes.' 'What causes the other ten per cent?' asked Kizzy. 'Natural disasters,' said Nib. The projector showed a cuffed and humiliated Quentin Harris the Third as he was marched from the courthouse to a police skimmer. His face was unreadable, his suit immaculately stitched. Angry protesters pressed against the energy barriers that surrounded the courthouse. Cheap printed signs danced over their heads. 'THERE IS BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS,' read one. Another held a pixel insert of a bloodied Toremi carrying a mangled corpse. Below the insert was the Phobos slogan: 'KEEPING THE GALAXY MOVING.' Other signs were more simple. 'WARMONGER.' 'TRAITOR.' 'MURDERER.' The barriers holding them back bulged like overfilled pockets. The reporter continued his calm tale of biological warfare and greed. Rosemary focused all her energy towards her eyes. Do not cry. Don't cry. You can't. 'Rosemary, you okay?' Jenks asked. Rosemary wasn't sure how she replied – something about being fine and just needing some air. She excused herself, walked steadily down the hall and exited the homestead. Outside, the ketlings continued their chaotic dance. The sun was setting behind them, transforming the scene into a macabre shadow puppet show. Rosemary was unfazed. The ketlings did not feel real. The homestead, the siblings, the moon beneath her feet, none of it felt real. All she could think of was that pixelated face on the projector, the face she had travelled across the galaxy to get away from. She tried to breathe slow, tried to fight back the raw, smothering feeling blossoming within her chest. She sat down in the dirt and stared at her hands. She gritted her teeth. Everything she'd worked so hard to bottle up when she left Mars was bubbling up, and she wasn't sure she could push it back down this time. She had to, though. She had to. 'Rosemary?' Rosemary jumped. It was Jenks, standing beside her. She hadn't heard the door, or his footsteps. She barely heard the ketlings droning overhead. 'What's wrong?' His hands were in his pockets, his eyebrows knitted together. As she looked him in the eye, something within her broke. She knew it might cost her the goodwill of the crew and her place on the Wayfarer, but she couldn't do it any more. She couldn't keep up the lie any longer. Rosemary looked away, out past the ketlings, across the rocky crags, all the way to the unfamiliar sun. Its light seared into her eyes, and remained there, heavy and orange, even as she closed them. 'Jenks, I haven't . . . I haven't been . . . stars, you're all going to hate me for this.' They would. And Ashby would fire her, and Sissix would never talk to her again. 'Doubtful,' Jenks said. 'We like you a lot.' He sat down next to her and hit the bowl of his pipe against his boot. The tightly packed ash came loose and tumbled to the ground. 'But you don't, you don't know . . . I can't do this.' She leaned her forehead into her palm. 'I know I'm going to get kicked off the ship, but—' Jenks stopped fussing with his pipe. 'Okay, now you have to tell me,' he said, his voice stern but calm. 'Take all the time you need, but you're telling me.' She took a breath. 'That guy on the news,' she said. 'Quentin Harris?' 'Yeah?' 'He's my father.' Jenks said nothing. He exhaled. 'Holy shit. Oh, Rosemary, I'm . . . wow. I'm so sorry.' He paused again. 'Shit, I had no idea.' 'That was the point. Nobody was supposed to know. I shouldn't even be here, I'm not – I lied, Jenks, I lied and cheated and covered things up, but I just can't do this any more, I can't—' 'Whoa, hey, slow down. One thing at a time.' He sat quiet, thinking. 'Rosemary, I have to ask this, and you have to tell me the truth, okay?' 'Okay.' His jaw was firm, his eyes wary. 'Were you involved in . . . in what he did? I mean, even just a little bit, doctoring forms or lying to the police or something—' 'No.' It was the truth. 'I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know anything until the detectives appeared at my apartment and spent the morning asking me questions. They knew I had nothing to do with it, and they told me I was under no obligation to be involved with the trial. I didn't even have to stay on Mars.' He searched her face, and nodded. 'So . . . okay.' He laughed. 'Stars, that's a relief. I thought I was going to hate you there for a minute.' He patted her leg. 'Alright, you're innocent. So . . .' He looked baffled. 'Rosemary, sorry, but what the fuck is the problem here?' She was shocked still. 'What?' 'I mean, okay, I get that you're going through a lot right now, and by a lot, I mean some serious emotional shit that's going to take us dozens of bottles of kick to work through, but why lie about it? If you're not involved, then why would you think we'd care?' Rosemary was unprepared for this. Months and months of worrying and dreading, and he didn't care? 'You don't understand. Back on Mars, it didn't matter that I hadn't done anything. Everyone knew who I was. All the newsfeeds, it was nothing but our family history, even holiday pics and things like that. All focused on my father, of course, but there's little me, smiling and waving at his side. I don't even know how they got that stuff. And it was all paired up with medical experts talking about what targeters do to you, and all those news people yelling about corruption. You know the feeds, they never stop once they get their claws in. My friends stopped talking to me. People would yell things at me out in public – "hey, your dad's a murderer," as if I didn't know what he'd done. I'd been applying for jobs at the time, and nobody called me back. Nobody wanted my family's name associated with their business.' 'But your name's Harper,' Jenks said. She pressed her lips together. 'What would you do if you wanted to get away? I mean really get away, so that nobody knew who you'd been before?' Jenks thought. He gave a slow nod. 'Oh. Oh, I think I get it.' He reached out his hand. 'Let's see it.' 'See what?' 'Your patch.' Rosemary hesitantly laid her right wrist in his palm. She pushed up her wristwrap, exposing the patch beneath. Jenks leaned in, studying it closely. 'This is fucking amazing work,' he said at last. 'The only way you can tell it's new is by how it healed. If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a genuine replacement for a fried patch.' 'That's because it is a genuine replacement,' Rosemary said. She swallowed. Her tongue felt thick. Jenks was puzzled. 'How did you get—' His face lit up. 'Phobos Fuel. Right. You've got money. Serious money.' 'I had money. Before—' 'Before you paid someone off. Paid someone to give you a new ID file. Shit, Rosemary, you must've paid them a fortune not to talk.' 'Everything I had,' she said. 'Except for transport and hotels, that sort of thing.' She laughed without smiling. 'My family may not have taught me much about the galaxy, but buying favours? We've got that down.' 'But you're really a clerk, right? Like, you know your way around formwork, you obviously went to school. That's all true, right?' She nodded. 'The official who helped me, he changed all my records, made sure my new file was linked to everywhere I'd ever been. So my diploma, my certification, my letters of recommendation, they're all mine. The only way anybody would find out that the associated ID file had been altered was if, say, one of my crewmates went to Mars and asked one of my friends about me. I figured finding work out in the open limited the chances of running into anybody from back home. So I put my name on the queue for long-haul work, and here I am.' Jenks rubbed his beard. 'So, then, what's wrong? If you did the course work, and you have the skills, you deserve to have this job. Why would we throw you off the ship?' 'Because I lied, Jenks. I lied to Ashby when I told him who I was. I've been lying to all of you every time you've asked me about my life back on Mars. I came into your home and told you lie after lie about who I am.' 'Rosemary.' Jenks put his hand on her shoulder. 'I'm not going to insult you by pretending like I get what you're dealing with. If someone in my family did something like this . . . stars, I don't know what I'd do. I can't offer advice here, but if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, mine's good and ready. As for who you are – and your name really is Rosemary, right? – okay.' He nodded back toward the homestead. 'Do you know why Human modders give themselves weird names?' She shook her head. 'It's a really old practice, goes back to pre-Collapse computer networks. We're talking old tech here. People would choose names for themselves that they only used within a network. Sometimes that name became so much a part of who they were that even their friends out in the real world started using it. For some folks, those names became their whole identity. Their true identity, even. Now, modders, modders don't care about anything as much as individual freedom. They say that nobody can define you but you. So when Bear gave himself a new arm, he didn't do it because he didn't like the body he was born in, but because he felt that new arm fit him better. Tweaking your body, it's all about trying to make your physical self fit with who you are inside. Not that you have to tweak to get that feeling. Like me, I like to decorate myself, but my body already fits with who I am. But some modders, they'll keep changing themselves their entire lives. And it doesn't always work out. Sometimes they seriously mess themselves up. But that's the risk you take in trying to be more than the little box you're born into. Change is always dangerous.' He tapped her arm. 'You're Rosemary Harper. You chose that name because the old one didn't fit any more. So you had to break a few laws to do it. Big fucking deal. Life isn't fair, and laws usually aren't, either. You did what you had to do. I get that.' Rosemary bit her lip. 'I still lied to you all.' 'Yeah, you did. And you're going to have to fess up. Not to anybody outside the crew, if you don't want to, but the people you live with need to hear it. That's the only way you can make up for it and move on.' 'Ashby—' 'Ashby is the most reasonable man I've ever met. Sure, he's not going to be thrilled about it.' He paused for a split second. Rosemary could see a separate thought flash past his eyes, distracting him. He cleared his throat, and came back. 'But you've been kicking ass at your job, and you're a good person. That's going to matter more to him than anything else.' Rosemary looked at her friend, and hugged him hard. 'Thank you,' she said. Tears flowed down her cheeks. They felt clean. 'Hey, no worries. We're crew. And you'll get through this, you know. I know you will.' He paused. 'I'm sorry for calling your dad an asshole.' Rosemary looked at him with disbelief. 'Jenks, my father sold biological weapons to both sides of a civil war outside his own species, and all for getting access to the ambi across their borders. I think calling him an asshole is being generous.' 'Well . . . okay, yeah, that's fair.' He rubbed his beard. 'Stars, I wish I knew what to say. When we get back to the ship, you need to talk to Dr Chef. One on one.' 'About what?' 'About his species.' Day 251, GC Standard 306
There were few things Dr Chef enjoyed more than a cup of tea. He made tea for the crew every day at breakfast time, of course, but that involved an impersonal heap of leaves dumped into a clunky dispenser. A solitary cup of tea required more care, a blend carefully chosen to match his day. He found the ritual of it quite calming: heating the water, measuring the crisp leaves and curls of dried fruit into the tiny basket, gently brushing the excess away with his fingerpads, watching colour rise through water like smoke as it brewed. Tea was a moody drink. There had been no tea on his home planet. Heated water was only for sleeping in, not for drinking. So many wonderful things they had missed out on, simply because they had never thought to imbibe the stuff! No tea, no soup, no mek – well, the mek was hardly a loss. He did not share his crewmates' enthusiasm for the murky brew. Something about it reminded him of wet dirt, and not in a pleasant way. He sat on a garden bench in the Fishbowl, his tea cooling as he worked through slow thoughts. Rosemary sat across from him, holding her own mug in her bony Human hands. She was silent as he thought out loud. He knew how strange they each were to the other – he for never thinking quietly, she for having no thinking sounds. He knew she understood his noise by now, though, and that knowledge made her silence feel companionable. The thoughts he was drumming up were old and safely kept. Kizzy had accused him once of 'bottling up his feelings,' but this was a Human concept, the idea that one could hide their feelings away and pretend that they were not there. Dr Chef knew exactly where all of his feelings were, every joy, every ache. He didn't need to visit them all at once to know they were there. Humans' preoccupation with 'being happy' was something he had never been able to figure out. No sapient could sustain happiness all of the time, just as no one could live permanently within anger, or boredom, or grief. Grief. Yes, that was the feeling that Rosemary needed him to find today. He did not run from his grief, nor did he deny its existence. He could study his grief from a distance, like a scientist observing animals. He embraced it, accepted it, acknowledged that it would never go away. It was as much a part of him as any pleasant feeling. Perhaps even more so. He cooed readiness, and focused on his vocal cords, forcing them to work together as one. He looked into Rosemary's white-rimmed eyes. He began to speak. 'Our species are very different from one another. You have two hands, I have six. You sleep in a bed, I sleep in a tub. You like mek, I don't. Many little differences. But there's one big thing that Grum and Humans have in common, and that is our capacity for cruelty. Which is not to say we are bad at the core. I think both of our species have good intentions. But when left to our passions, we have it within ourselves to do despicable things. The only reason Humans stopped killing each other to the extent that you used to, I think, is because your planet died before you could finish the job. My species was not so lucky. The reason you haven't seen any other Grum is because there are only some three hundred of us left.' Rosemary's hand went to her mouth. 'I'm sorry,' she said. Such a quintessentially Human thing, to express sorrow through apology. 'I'm not,' Dr Chef said. 'It was our own doing. Our extinction wasn't caused by a natural disaster or the slow crawl of evolution. We killed ourselves.' He thought aloud for a moment, sorting out all the pieces. 'For generations, my species was at war with itself. I couldn't even tell you why. Oh, there are historians with all sorts of theories and ideas. But it's the same story you hear everywhere. Different beliefs, different cultures, territories everyone wanted. I was born into that war. And when I was ready, I took my place in it as a doctor. 'I wasn't the sort of doctor I am now. I didn't become friends with my patients. I didn't have long chats with them about their diets or what sort of imubots they should upgrade to. My job was to patch up dying soldiers as fast as I could, so that they could get back out there and keep killing. 'Near the end, the Outsiders – that's roughly what we called the others – started using these projectiles called—' He hummed in thought, trying to find an analogue in Klip. 'Organ cutters. You see, the Outsiders had been separated from us – from my faction for so long that they had become genetically distinct. The organ cutters were programmed to hone in on our genetic markers. If they hit an Outsider by mistake, it'd hurt them, but it was nothing worse than an ordinary bullet wound. But if an organ cutter hit one of us, that triggered its real purpose.' 'Which was?' Rosemary said, looking fearful. He looked out the window, but he did not see the stars. 'To burrow. A cutter would dig through a person's insides until it hit something vital. It wouldn't stop until the victim was dead. So, say a soldier took a hit to a limb. With a normal bullet, that'd be a minor wound. But with a cutter, they'd be dead within . . . oh, half an hour. And half an hour may not sound like much time, but when you've got a little piece of metal ripping through you—' The memories reached out to Dr Chef, trying to pull him away from his safe observation point. They tugged, begging for him to give in. But he would not. He was not a prisoner of those memories. He was their warden. 'Day after day, they'd bring me soldiers with live cutters still burrowing, and it was up to me to chase them down. I was often too slow. All the doctors were. See, the cutters emitted a type of interference that made them invisible to our scanners. We had to go looking by hand. In the end, we found it faster, and more merciful, to euthanise cutter patients on the spot.' He sucked in his cheeks in disgust, remembering mess after bloody, shrieking mess. 'I hated the Outsiders for the cutters. More than hated them. It was ugly, the feeling within me. I thought that the Outsiders were animals. Monsters. Something . . . something lesser than me. Yes, lesser. I truly believed that we were better than them, that despite all the blood on our faces, at least we had not stooped that low. But you can already guess what happened next, right?' 'Your side started using cutters, too?' 'Yes. But it was worse than that. I learned that the cutters had been our tech to start with. The Outsiders had just stolen the idea before we could complete it. They had only done to us what we had planned to do to them. That was the moment in which I no longer knew who the animals were. I no longer wanted to mend our soldiers so that they could go use cutters and . . .' He searched for serviceable words. 'Sticky-fire and germ bombs. I wanted to heal them. Actually heal them. Sometimes I'd see a body added to the pile, someone I had just put back on her feet a few days earlier. It made me wonder what the point of it all was.' He stopped, and rumbled in thought for a long, long time. The thought he was arriving at grasped and clung, but he remained in control. 'One night, one of the other doctors ran into my shelter. She told me to come quickly. I followed her to the surgery, and there, ripped to pieces by a cutter – by our tech – was my youngest mothered-child. My daughter. I hadn't even known she was fighting nearby.' 'Oh, no,' Rosemary said. Her voice was soft as leaves. Dr Chef wiggled his head up and down, the Human gesture for 'yes.' 'They had given her drugs to block the pain, and were preparing the . . . I don't know what to call it. An injection. The last one we gave to cutter patients. An injection to stop her heart. I shoved the doctor working on her aside. I held her face. She was barely there behind her eyes, but I think she knew who I was. I told her I loved her, and that the pain would be gone soon. I gave her the injection myself. I knew it was the right thing to do, that I be the one to take her back out of the world I had brought her into. She was the last of my children. There had been five of them, all beautiful grey-speckled girls. And they all became soldiers, as most of our girls did. They died on scorched battlefields far from home. None of my children ever mothered. None of them ever became male. My last child, I didn't love her any more or less than any of the others, but something about knowing that all my children were gone broke me. I couldn't keep my grief at a distance any longer. My thoughts became too big. I had to stop being a doctor. I spent the rest of the war in a . . . a quiet home. A place of rest. Learning how to steady my mind again.' 'Dr Chef, I . . .' Rosemary shook her head from side to side. Her face was wet. 'I can't imagine.' 'That's good,' he said. 'I wouldn't want you to. A few years later, there were too few daughters on either side for anyone to keep fighting. The germ bombs had mutated into things we couldn't cure. Our water was poisoned. Our mines and forests had nothing left to give. The war didn't end, exactly. It just burned itself out.' 'Couldn't you rebuild? Find a colony somewhere to start over?' 'We could have. But we chose not to.' 'Why?' He hrmmed, considering the best way to explain. 'We are an old species, Rosemary. There were Grum long before there were Humans. After all we had done, all the horrors we had created, both sides decided that perhaps it was time for us to end. We had squandered our time, and we didn't feel that we needed – or perhaps deserved – another chance. The war ended thirty standards ago, but we kept dying from the diseases we designed, or injuries that came back to haunt us. To my knowledge, there has not been another Grum born in decades. There may be, somewhere, but it will not be enough. Most Grum did what I did – they left. Who wants to stay on a poison world filled with dead daughters? Who wants to be around others of our kind, knowing the things that every one of us had to do? No, no, better to leave alone and die gracefully.' Rosemary thought in silence. 'Where did you go?' 'I travelled out to the nearest spaceport and talked my way aboard a trade ship. Mixed crew. We mostly hopped between modder rocks and fringe colonies. I earned some credits helping in the kitchen. Just cleaning, at first, but their cook saw that I had an interest in food, and he indulged my desire to learn. Once I had enough money, I left the ship and made a home for myself on Port Coriol. I had a tiny soup shack near one of the family districts – the cook taught me about soup, you see – nothing fancy, but it was fast and cheap and good for you, and merchants in a hurry like food that is fast and cheap and good for you. There was a Human doctor who lived in the neighbourhood, a man named Drave, and he came by often. I liked him a lot, but I was jealous of his profession. He was a family doctor. He'd seen his patients grow from babies to adults with babies of their own. It sounded like such a joy, to watch people age and help them do it healthily. One day, I was finally brave enough to confess to him that I had been a doctor once, and that I wanted to use those skills for something good. We made a deal: I could come work with Drave in his clinic for three days a tenday, and he could have free soup whenever he liked. Much better deal for me, I think! So that was my life for six standards – making soup, working in the clinic, taking Linking courses on alien anatomy. Oh, and herbs, I found out about herbs during that time. Drave was a good friend to me. Still is, we write from time to time. His grandson took over the soup shack for me, after I started becoming male. Bad time to be working. Bad time to be doing anything, really. The transition isn't easy.' He rumbled. His thoughts were straying from the point. He hummed and burred to get them back. 'Some time later, this Human named Ashby stopped in the clinic to get his bots upgraded. We talked for a long time, and a few days later, he came back to tell me that he was gathering crew for a tunneling ship, and offered me a wonderful job. Two jobs! I was sad to say goodbye to Drave, but what Ashby had offered was exactly what I needed. There is peace out here in the open. I have friends and a garden in the stars and a kitchen full of tasty things. I heal people now. I cannot pretend that the war never happened, but I stopped fighting it long ago. I did not start that war. It should never have been mine to fight.' He sank down so that he could look Rosemary square in the eye. 'We cannot blame ourselves for the wars our parents start. Sometimes the very best thing we can do is walk away.' Rosemary was silent for a long time. 'The cutters were horrible,' she said. 'But on some level, I can understand why your people used them. They were at war, they all hated each other. My father is not a soldier. He's never been in a war. He doesn't hate the Toremi. I don't know if he's ever even met one. We had everything on Mars. Everything. He allowed those weapons to be designed and sold – he encouraged it – and for what? More money? How many people are dead because of what he did? How many people's children?' Dr Chef sat back on four. 'As you said, he had everything. That made him feel safe and powerful. People can do terrible things when they feel safe and powerful. Your father had probably got his way for so long that he thought he was untouchable, and that is a dangerous way for a person to feel. I don't think anyone on this ship blames you for wanting to get as far away as you could from a person like that.' 'Ashby wasn't exactly pleased.' 'Only about the deception. Not about who you are.' He glanced back towards the empty kitchen, the empty hallway. 'And between you and me, he understands. He's not going to hold it against you. But he's also your boss, and sometimes he has to speak in a way that reminds us of that.' He hummed, shifting thoughts. 'In a way, I think you must be feeling much the same way as I did the day that I found out where the cutters came from. You found something dark within your own house, and you are wondering how much of it has rubbed off on you.' Rosemary started to nod, then shook her head. 'That's not the same. What happened to you, to your species, it's . . . it doesn't even compare.' 'Why? Because it's worse?' She nodded. 'But it still compares. If you have a fractured bone, and I've broken every bone in my body, does that make your fracture go away? Does it hurt you any less, knowing that I am in more pain?' 'No, but that's not—' 'Yes, it is. Feelings are relative. And at the root, they're all the same, even if they grow from different experiences and exist on different scales.' He examined her face. She looked sceptical. 'Sissix would understand this. You Humans really do cripple yourselves with your belief that you all think in unique ways.' He leaned forward. 'Your father – the person who raised you, who taught you how the world works – did something unspeakably horrible. And not only did he take part in it, he justified it to himself. When you first learned of what your father had done, did you believe it?' 'No.' 'Why not?' 'I didn't think he was capable of it.' 'Why not? He obviously was.' 'He didn't seem like he was. The father I knew never could've done such a thing.' 'Aha. But he did. So then you begin wondering how you could've been so wrong about him. You start going back through your memories, looking for signs. You begin questioning everything you know, even the good things. You wonder how much of it was a lie. And worst of all, since he had a heavy hand in making you who you are, you begin wondering what you yourself are capable of.' Rosemary stared at him. 'Yes.' Dr Chef bobbed his head up and down. 'And this is where our species are very much alike. The truth is, Rosemary, that you are capable of anything. Good or bad. You always have been, and you always will be. Given the right push, you, too, could do horrible things. That darkness exists within all of us. You think every soldier who picked up a cutter gun was a bad person? No. She was just doing what the soldier next to her was doing, who was doing what the soldier next to her was doing, and so on and so on. And I bet most of them – not all, but most – who made it through the war spent a long time after trying to understand what they'd done. Wondering how they ever could have done it in the first place. Wondering when killing became so comfortable.' Rosemary's freckled cheeks had gone a little pale. He could see her throat move as she swallowed. 'All you can do, Rosemary – all any of us can do – is work to be something positive instead. That is a choice that every sapient must make every day of their life. The universe is what we make of it. It's up to you to decide what part you will play. And what I see in you is a woman who has a clear idea of what she wants to be.' Rosemary gave a short laugh. 'Most days I wake up and have no idea what the hell I'm doing.' He puffed his cheeks. 'I don't mean the practical details. Nobody ever figures those out. I mean the important thing. The thing I had to do, too.' He made a clucking sound. He knew she would not understand it, but it came naturally. The sort of sound a mother made over a child learning to stand. 'You're trying to be someone good.' Day 335, GC Standard 306
Kizzy was up too late, as usual. That had been standard procedure ever since she was a kid. When she was small, Papa would tuck her in with a story and a kiss and a hug from Tumby, her stuffed frog. Moments after the lights went out, her toes would start wiggling, and her butt would follow suit, and before long, the idea of holding still and sleeping seemed super unfair. At regular intervals, Papa would come into her room, lift her away from her building blocks and tuck her back in, his patient voice growing ever wearier. Finally, Ba would get home from the evening shift at the water station, and he'd say, 'Kizzy, sweetheart, please go to sleep. The blocks will be there in the morning, I promise.' That was true, but he missed the point. While the actual physical blocks would stay where she left them, her brain was always full of new configurations that she hadn't tried yet. If she didn't get them out before she fell asleep, they'd be totally forgotten by morning, when she'd be distracted by the promise of pancakes. As an adult, Kizzy had found ways to better manage the blueprints in her brain. She kept her scrib right by her bed so that she could fill it with sketches and notes without leaving the warmth of her blankets. But even so, unfinished projects often kept her up late. It always started with one last circuit, which turned into I bet I could fix this, and just a few more tweaks, and then bam, breakfast time. But in the tendays since the whole Akarak thing, Kizzy had stayed awake for a different reason. Her brain still buzzed with ideas, but she went out of her way to keep herself busy even after they'd all been used up. Tonight, for instance, she was up dusting interface junctions on a spare power conduit. It wasn't a vital job. It wasn't even a necessary one. But it was something to do. Dr Chef had given her some drops to help her sleep, but she didn't like them. They left her feeling fuzzy in the morning, and besides, she didn't want to be the sort of person who needed drops at all. No, despite the tired, punched-face ache that nibbled at her all round the edges, she was going to do this without drops. Somehow, she'd figure out how to lie in bed without her mind drifting back to the cargo bay, guns in her face, Ashby bleeding in her lap. There hadn't been a night since when she hadn't laid there wondering if another ship would sneak up on them while she slept. She imagined Akaraks storming up to her room with their guns and shrieking voices. She imagined waking up to a pulse rifle pointed at her, or maybe not waking up at all. She remembered the way the bay doors had screeched as they were forced open. She remembered the thin jet of red that had spurted from Ashby's mouth when the Akarak clocked him with the gun. One of these nights, she'd find a way to stop remembering. But for now, there were a lot of junctions to dust. 'Hey, Kizzy,' said Lovey through the vox. 'Sorry to bug you, but you're the only one awake.' 'What's up, sweetcheeks?' 'There's a ship approaching, about an hour out.' The cleaning rag fumbled. Oh, stars. The Akaraks had come back. They'd circled back. Well, not this time, motherfuckers. She'd hide away in a wall panel, seal herself in from the inside so no one would know. She'd scurry through the walls like a mouse, pulling off flashbang sabotage until every last one of the scrawny bastards was dead. If it took tendays, fine. She'd just duck into the kitchen now and then to steal supplies. She could live in the walls. This was her ship, and – and who the fuck was she kidding? There was no way she could pull it off. They were dead, totally dead. Why hadn't Ashby just bought a few guns back on Cricket? Dusthead Exodan, even just one gun would— Lovey continued. 'They're signaling us. It's a GC distress signal.' Kizzy exhaled. She felt a smidge of guilt for being relieved that someone else was in trouble, but . . . ah well. She propped up her scrib against a spool of wire. 'Patch 'em through to my vid link.' The scrib switched on. A female Aeluon stared back at her. And like all members of her species, she was gorgeous. Silver skin, graceful neck, soft eyes, the whole shebang. Kizzy was suddenly very aware of the dirty worksuit she was wearing, the messy table, the – dammit, crumbs, she had cake crumbs on her shirt, and there was a pixel pen stuck in her hair, and – well, whatever. Surely the Aeluon had seen a Human tech before. She couldn't blame Kizzy for belonging to a grubby profession, or an ugly species. 'Hi there,' Kizzy said, brushing herself off. 'I'm Kizzy Shao. What's your trouble?' It was then that she noticed what the Aeluon was wearing. At first glance, the lady was just a snappy dresser, but Kizzy had played enough action sims to know an armored vest when she saw one – not clunky Human-style, but one designed to blend in with the rest of her outfit. The Aeluon was seated, but Kizzy could see the end of an energy pistol peeking up over her belt. And there, cuffed round her arm – wasn't that a personal shield generator? Looked new, too. This lady meant business. Like, serious business. That wasn't just protective gear. It was getting shit done because I am the boss gear. Kizzy wished that Jenks was awake. The Aeluon smiled (or, at least, something face-related that was close enough). 'Hello, Kizzy. I'm Captain Gapei Tem Seri. I was hoping to speak to your captain. Is he available?' 'He's asleep, but I can wake him up if you—' 'No, no,' the Aeluon said. 'Don't disturb him. Are you authorised to permit unscheduled dockings?' Authorised to permit unscheduled dockings. Stars, this lady wasn't messing around. 'Um, sure, I guess,' Kizzy said. She wasn't sure unscheduled dockings were something that had ever been specifically discussed aboard the Wayfarer. If a ship's friendly and needs help, you help. Simple as that. The Aeluon nodded. The gesture looked practised. She obviously knew how to talk with Humans. 'We've suffered damage to our life support systems. It seems our most recent shipment included a delayed disruptor mine. It didn't go off until we were out in the open.' 'Whoa. Shit. Are you okay?' 'We have temporary repairs in place, and we've been holding fairly steady for three days now. But we're on our way to Aeluon space, and I'm not sure our stopgap measures will last that long. What we really need is to shut down the core entirely and let our fixbots do their job.' 'And you need a place to hang out in the meantime. No worries, we've got plenty of air to go around. Wait, do you not have a tech?' The Aeluon's cheeks darkened into a greenish-grey. 'We ran into some trouble at our last stop. Our tech . . .' She exhaled. 'Our tech didn't make it. I . . . I haven't had a chance to hire a new one yet.' 'Stars. I'm so sorry.' Okay, what the hell did this lady do that involved disruptor mines and the kind of 'trouble' that ended in dead techs? The Aeluon didn't say anything further about it. 'Anyway, if we could come aboard, just while our bots do their job—' 'Why not let us do it? I'm the mech tech here, and our comp tech knows his way around a life support system. We're better than bots, and depending on the damage, you might not have to take your systems offline.' The Aeluon considered this. 'Are you familiar with Aeluon tech?' 'Well, uh, not like, practically. But tech is tech. We can take a look, at least. Promise I won't touch anything if I don't know what it does.' 'As long as it's no trouble, then yes, I'd appreciate anything you could do.' 'Cool. Yeah, definitely.' 'Our ship is less than an hour out from yours, but we could half it if you meet us in the middle.' 'Absolutely. No problem.' The Aeluon's face brightened. 'Wonderful.' The lights hanging above her reflected off her scales, like sunlight on a wave. Why was everything that the Aeluons did so pretty? 'I've got a crew of six – er, five, plus two soldiers.' Holy shit, Aeluon commandos. Jenks is going to wet himself. 'We'll do our best to keep out of your way.' 'Oh, no worries, that's totally fine,' Kizzy said. 'I'm sure Dr Chef would love to feed you guys. He's our cook.' Wow, that sounded stupid. For once, why couldn't she just sound cool? 'Yes, I know. Your captain and I are acquaintances, actually. But yes, thank you, Kizzy. I don't know what we would've done if we hadn't found you.' How does she know—The thought cut off with a thud. The pieces fell together. 'Um, yeah, we're, uh, happy to help. Hey, sorry, what did you say your name was?' 'Gapei Tem Seri. Do you need me to send over my ID—' 'No, no, I just, ah . . . are you Pei?' The Aeluon paused and glanced over her shoulder. 'Yes,' she said. The sound from her talkbox had gone soft, secret. 'That's a nickname I let my friends use. Ashby included.' Kizzy grinned so hard she thought her face would break. This lady – this insanely beautiful badass who wore energy pistols and said things like disruptor mine without kidding around – was Pei. Ashby didn't just know this Aeluon. Ashby was banging this Aeluon. 'Captain, um – sorry, I don't know which name to call you by.' Aeluons had two last names, one for their family and one for where they were from. She wasn't sure which was which. 'Captain Tem is fine.' 'Well, Captain Tem, I think I'm speaking for my captain and all the rest of us when I say that you're welcome to come aboard for as long as you like.' 'Thank you, Kizzy.' Captain Tem paused again. 'I'm not quite sure how to ask this—' Kizzy got it. Captain Tem was an Aeluon, with an Aeluon crew, with Aeluon soldiers on board, and she was about to come aboard her Human boyfriend's ship. Kizzy leaned forward, wiping the grin off her face. 'Yes, we all know how to . . . be polite.' Meaning keep our mouths shut. 'Especially around soldiers.' Captain Tem looked grateful. 'Thanks, Kizzy. I appreciate that. I'll signal again when we've reached your coordinates.' 'Sounds good. See you soon.' The vidlink panel on the scrib flicked off. Kizzy started laughing. Oh, man. So cool. So. Cool. 'Hey, Lovey,' she called to the vox. 'Wake up Jenks. Sissix, too. I need to talk to them like right now.' 'What about Ashby?' 'Nah. I want to wake him up myself so I can see his face.' 'Nosy.' 'Says you.' The AI laughed. 'Do you really think Captain Tem will let Jenks aboard her ship? He'd like that very much.' 'Lovey, I have the feeling that this little rendezvous is going to be awesome for everybody.' Ashby's brain wasn't working right. For starters, he'd been startled out of three hours of sleep by Kizzy, who had decided to wake him up by hacking the lock on his door and turning on all the lights. Then she'd told him the most incomprehensible thing: Pei was coming aboard. Pei. Here. On his ship. And she'd been talking to Kizzy, of all people. 'Do you have any idea what Kizzy said to her?' He was in the bathroom, finishing the fastest shower of his life. Sissix answered from the opposite side of the shower curtain. He could hear the amusement in her voice. It was the sound of the look she'd been wearing for the past ten minutes. 'I have no idea,' she said. 'But she didn't even realise who she was talking to at first. I think your reputation is intact.' Ashby switched off the shower, blotted himself dry and wrapped his towel round his waist. He stepped out into the room and grabbed a dentbot pack from the communal basket. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 'I look like shit.' He pulled back the seal on the pack and squeezed the gel onto his tongue. He tossed the empty package and pressed his lips together. He could feel the gel spread itself around his mouth as the bots searched for plaque and bacteria. Sissix leaned against the wall, holding a mug between her claws. 'You do not, and even if you did, I highly doubt she'll care.' 'Mmph mm.' 'What?' Ashby rolled his eyes and let the bots do their job, wishing they'd work a little faster. After a minute or so, the gel went thin, indicating that the bots had begun to break down. He spat the vaguely minty goo into a sink and rinsed it down the drain. 'I said, I care.' 'I know. And it's very cute that you do.' He put his hands on the edge of the sink and looked into the mirror. His eyes had a hint of red, and his hair had seen better days. He sighed. 'I don't want to screw things up for her.' Sissix stepped over and put her hand between his shoulder blades. 'You won't. And neither will the rest of us. No jokes, no innuendos. We know how serious this is.' She pointed to a stack of clothes resting on the counter. 'That's the least wrinkly pair of trousers I could find.' She handed him the mug. 'And I had Dr Chef make you some of this awful stuff.' The smell hit his nose before he even brought the cup to his face. Coffee. 'You are the best.' He tipped the rim of the mug between his lips. Dark, bitter, strong. He felt better already. Sissix patted his forearm. 'Come on. Put on your trousers. I want to meet the woman who gets to take them off.' A short while later, he was standing in front of the airlock, surrounded by the self-appointed welcoming committee – Sissix, Dr Chef and the techs. Caffeine, adrenaline and the need for sleep all battled for supremacy, chasing each other around like a pack of dogs. He felt like hell. 'So, Ashby,' Jenks said. 'You gonna tell us how you two met?' Ashby sighed. 'Not right now.' Jenks grinned. He'd been doing that a lot this morning. 'I'll wait.' He pulled his redreed tin from a pocket. Dr Chef nudged him. 'No red smoke. Aeluons are often allergic.' Jenks closed the tin. 'Real allergic, right? Not Corbin allergic?' Dr Chef let out a percussive, laughing chord. 'Real allergic.' 'The Aeluon ship is now extending their docking tube,' Lovey said. Ashby could hear metallic clanking against the hull. 'Their hatch is open. I'm initiating decontamination protocols.' Ashby could hear footsteps beyond the airlock door. Oh stars, she's there. She's in there right now. He exhaled. Sissix rubbed her cheek on his shoulder. 'Nervous?' 'Why would you say that?' Sissix rested her chin against his neck and squeezed his arm. Ashby's mouth twitched. He knew it was a friendly, reassuring gesture, and Pei probably knew enough about Aandrisks to know what Sissix meant by it, but something in his Human brain balked at the idea of Pei walking in to see another woman draped over his shoulder. He lowered his voice. 'Sis, sorry, but could you not . . . um . . .' 'Hm?' Her yellow eyes searched his face, confused. 'Ohhh. Right. Right.' She moved a step away and clasped her hands behind her back. She didn't say another word, but Ashby could see the laughter in her eyes. 'Ashby, there's something weird here,' Lovey said. 'What's up? Some kind of bug?' 'No, no contaminants, but I'm confused. Their patch scans all check out, but there are supposed to be two soldiers with them. All I'm getting are civilian patches.' 'They're probably undercover,' Ashby said. 'It's okay to let them in, Lovey. I trust them.' 'So cool,' Jenks whispered to Kizzy. They both giggled like schoolkids. Stars and fire, you two, behave. The doors slid open. The airlock was full of people, but Ashby only had eyes for one of them. He was very much awake now. Pei stepped forward. 'Permission to come aboard?' she said, looking deep into Ashby's eyes. The air seemed to crackle between them. She had to play the captain now, but he could see that she wanted to say much more. He nodded. All was understood. 'Come out of the open and into our home,' he said. It was an Exodan expression, one used for newly docked travelers. 'It's good to see you.' He extended his hand. This was a joke, though neither of their crews would get it. He knew full well that Aeluons pressed their palms in greeting, but he hadn't known that when he'd first met Pei, and likewise, she hadn't known what to do with his hand after she held it. 'Good to see you, too, old friend.' She shook his hand, noting the gesture with nothing more than a slight flicker of her eyelids. Damn, she was good at this. If he hadn't understood the need for secrecy, he might have been offended by her nonchalance. Introductions were made. Pei shook hands with the techs, pressed palms with Sissix (of course Sissix knew what to do) and laughed with Dr Chef while trying to figure out his handfeet. Ashby worked his way through Pei's crew, pretending as if he didn't know their names, moods and personal histories already. He knew that two of them, Sula and Oxlen, knew about him and Pei. Their eyelids flicked with acknowledgment as he met them. As far as he was aware, they were the only Aeluons in the galaxy who knew. He was going to do his damnedest to keep it that way. The two soldiers, though dressed in civilian clothing, were easy to spot. For one thing, they were armed more heavily than the others (which Ashby found somewhat unsettling), and their muscles were toned to perfection. One of them, a female, had an ocular implant. The end of an old scar jutted down below it. The male was young, but carried a weariness with him. Ashby wondered how long he'd been at war, and if he was glad for the respite of a cargo run. Ashby glanced at Pei, who was sharing pleasantries with his crew. He'd imagined her on his ship so many times, but his daydreams had played out differently. Pei would step through the airlock, with nothing but a bag over her shoulder and a smile in her eyes. He'd put his arm round her waist as he introduced her. Sissix wouldn't have to hold back her welcoming hug. They'd go to the Fishbowl, where all his favourite people would get to know each other over one of Dr Chef's celebratory dinners. They'd drink mek and laugh, lounging easily in the garden. A simple blending of the two halves of his life. But here in the airlock, the separation was clear. Military and civilian. Aeluons and a mixed species hotchpotch. High tech and the-best-they-could-do. But even so, she was still on his ship, talking to his crew. The lines between their lives had become blurred. He could feel her pulling him across the divide. 'I can't believe how lucky we were to find you out here,' Pei said. 'I hope we aren't inconveniencing you.' 'Stay as long as you need.' Or just stay, period. 'I hear our techs have volunteered to help with repairs.' 'We're all ready to go,' Kizzy said, hands on her toolbelt buckle. 'You just point us in the right direction.' 'Oxlen will go with you,' Pei said. 'I'm no tech,' said Oxlen, Pei's pilot, a tall male with light eyes. 'But I can tell you the basics of what's what.' The female soldier – Tak, if Ashby remembered correctly – spoke up. 'I was hoping that we might have access to your scanners and ansible. I highly doubt we will encounter enemy contacts out here, but given what happened aboard our ship, we can't be too careful.' 'Sissix can show you to the control room,' Ashby said. 'Unless you'd like manual access to our AI core.' Out of the corner of his eye, Ashby could see Jenks stiffen at the suggestion. Relax, Jenks, they're not going to break her. 'Your control room should be fine,' Tak said. She nodded to Sissix, who led the way down the hall. Ashby could not have imagined an odder looking pair: the armed Aeluon missing an eye, and the Aandrisk in low-slung trousers and a fresh coat of swirls painted on her claws. 'As for the rest of us,' Pei said. 'I'm afraid all we can do is wait.' 'Oh, I don't think that'll be so bad,' Dr Chef said. 'It's just about time for me to start preparing breakfast. Though, fair warning, my recipes weren't exactly made with Aeluons in mind. This might be the worst breakfast you've ever had.' The male soldier laughed. 'You've never had field rations.' 'You'd be surprised.' Dr Chef puffed his cheeks. Ashby smiled. Few things made Dr Chef happier than feeding hungry people. 'Come along with me. Let's have a look through my stasie, see what appeals to you.' 'Please tell me you have real mek on board,' one of Pei's crew said. He had a gun strapped across his back that would have made Bear and Nib weep with envy. Did they really have to wear weapons here? 'Plenty of mek,' Kizzy said. 'Big ol' boxes of it.' 'Oh, stars, that's great news. If I have to drink another cup of the pre-packaged stuff, I'm going to be sick.' 'Only one cup each,' Pei said. 'I'm not getting back on my ship with a fuzzy-eyed crew.' 'Come on, come on, all of you,' Dr Chef said, leading the way out of the airlock, walking on two. 'I'm not letting you leave hungry.' The remaining Aeluons followed eagerly. 'Leave some for me,' Oxlen called after them as he led the techs back through the airlock. Kizzy snuck one last glance at Pei, and wiggled her eyebrows at Ashby. He rolled his eyes and shooed her away with his hand. She scampered off, chuckling. They waited until the hallway was silent. Even then, Ashby wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to kiss her, hold her, run up to his room and let her tear off his clothes. Somehow, he held it back. 'So. This is unexpected.' She stared at him. Her second eyelids closed slowly. Her cheeks turned a displeased shade of yellow. 'There is a scatter burst burn on your hull.' 'You always say the most romantic things.' 'Ashby.' She glared. 'You said in your last message that you got boarded and that you lost some supplies. You said nothing about getting fired upon. Was anyone hurt?' 'No.' He paused. 'Just me. But I'm fine.' Her cheeks swam with exasperated colours. 'Why didn't you say anything?' 'Because I didn't want you to worry.' She cocked her head. 'We seem to have traded places.' 'Hardly. Who's the one showing up on my doorstep talking about disruptor mines?' 'There was only the one mine, and no one was hurt. It seems someone at the loading bay had an . . . opinion about the war.' Ashby shook his head. 'The Rosk are attacking border colonies. How—' 'I know, I know. People are crazy.' She frowned. 'And speaking of, the more I hear about this Toremi situation, the less I like it.' 'You didn't like it from the start.' 'Ashby, listen. I met the captain of a pinhole tug that's been ferrying diplomats out there. The Toremi, they're . . . strange.' 'They're a different species. We're all strange to each other. You're strange to me sometimes.' 'No, I mean dangerous strange. Incomprehensible strange. She said she couldn't understand how the GC had brokered an alliance with them at all. The diplomats, they kept talking about how hard it was to communicate with them. It wasn't a matter of language, the Toremi just think differently. They try to all think exactly the same things in exactly the same way, which is insane enough, but everything goes to shit if they can't find consensus. That captain, she told me that a few standards back, when the GC finally got their foot in the door, a few Toremi tore each other apart – I mean literally, Ashby, during a conference – because they couldn't agree on whether or not Harmagians were sapient.' 'I'm sure they've figured that much out by now.' 'Maybe. All I know is that she heard of several times where a Toremi delegate didn't voice agreement with its higher-ups during a meeting, and then was never seen again. She hated going out there. She said she got scared every time one of their ships got close. She didn't trust them. And neither do I.' 'You've never met them. Pei, they wouldn't be sending us all the way to the Core if they didn't think they could keep us safe. We'll be fine, don't worry.' Her cheeks flashed pale purple with frustration. 'I can't even keep the people on my own ship safe. How am I supposed to not worry about you?' He looked down the hallway, just to be sure. He took her hand. 'Kizzy said you lost someone.' She shut her eyes. 'Saery.' He squeezed her hand tight, fighting the urge to take her into his arms. 'Stars. Pei, I'm so sorry.' 'It was pointless, Ashby, so fucking pointless. He got jumped in an alley while we were on Dresk. They cut out his patch and stole the tech he'd picked up that day. If he hadn't been alone—' 'Hey.' He reached up to cup her cheek. The hell with it. 'Hey, now. Don't go there.' She pressed her cheek into his palm, ever so briefly, then pulled back, her eyes flicking down the hall. 'I've missed you so much,' she said. 'These last tendays . . . I wanted to write to you, but—' 'I know,' he said, and smiled. 'Come on. I'll show you my ship, and we can talk. Touring the ship is a respectable sort of activity, right?' There was a tiny flash of amused green in her cheeks. 'Yeah.' 'What did you tell them, anyway? About you and me?' 'That we met on Port Coriol, right after I bought my ship. I met you there during a supply run, and sometimes we meet for a drink when we wind up at the same dock.' 'Huh. The truth.' 'Well, the innocuous part of it, anyway. To be honest, it felt a little strange.' Her cheeks went yellow. 'I've got used to lying about you.' 'I feel like I should've left my shoes at the door,' Jenks said to Kizzy as they followed Oxlen through the corridors of the Aeluon frigate. Kizzy nodded. She'd seen Aeluon ships in dock, and Linking pics of what they looked like inside, but being inside one . . . it was like walking through a piece of art. The greyish walls were pristine, not a bolt or panel to be seen. She couldn't see any individual light fixtures, just continuous strips of soft light emanating from the curved ceiling. No window frames, no visible air filters. It was a ship as smooth and seamless as stone. And silent, too. Though Aeluons had given themselves the means to process sound and verbal speech, they only needed those abilities to communicate with other species. Within their own ships, they had no use for sound. There were no voxes or klaxons or panels that beeped and chirped. Even the sounds of the life support systems and artigrav nets were so low that Kizzy could barely make them out (though she doubted their quietness was engineered on purpose; more likely, they were just extremely well designed). The absence of sound made the ship seem all the more hallowed, like a temple built to honour good tech. Her and Jenks' big, stompy boots and clanking toolbelts felt intrusive. She was glad that she'd had the time to change into a relatively clean jumpsuit. 'Life support's in here,' Oxlen said. He placed his palm on the wall, and a portion of it melted open. As Kizzy walked through the opening, she could see the surrounding frame, the predefined edges of the door, solid as the thickest plex. 'What is this stuff?' Kizzy asked, running her palm over the wall. Cold and firm, but she could feel a latent pliability beneath. 'Some sort of responsive polymer?' 'Yes. It's held in place by an electrostatic lattice, which responds to the bioelectrical signals in our skin.' 'Wow.' Kizzy leaned closer to the wall, squinting. 'What's it made of?' 'That's . . . beyond my area of expertise. I'm sure you could look it up in the Linkings.' They walked into a room filled with a tangle of tech. Way, way better looking than the stuff Kizzy was used to, but recognisable all the same. Oxlen gestured to a large apparatus, the heavy heart at the centre of a network of tubes and pipes. 'This is—' 'Your atmospheric regulator.' Kizzy put her hands on her hips and nodded as she inspected it. 'Looks an awful lot like ours.' 'Except a hell of a lot prettier,' Jenks said. 'Check out those stabilisers.' 'Wow,' Kizzy said. 'Look at the interlocking seals. Awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.' She craned her head towards Oxlen. 'Where was the mine?' 'Top left corner. Tucked behind the . . .' Oxlen made a vague gesture. 'That lump with the little knob on it.' Kizzy climbed up the side of the regulator, taking care to rest her weight on the sturdiest pipes. Behind the relay hub – the lump with the little knob on it – was a patch of torn metal, the end result of a fierce energy discharge. She pulled her tech lenses from her belt and slipped them over her head. She peered through the magnification lens as she pried up the metal and looked inside. 'Wow,' she said. 'All the nodes around here are fried. The filter relays are ten kinds of fucked up. Your fixbots patched 'em up okay, but this needs more than – holy shit, look at that. Wow.' She flipped the lens aside, put on her gloves and reached into the hole. 'What's up?' Jenks asked. Kizzy felt around, running her protected fingers over the mangled machinery. 'The entire regulator shaft's stripped. Nasty piece of work.' 'Should I go get some filler sheets?' 'Yeah, and grab your small tools while you're at it. There's a whole circuit panel in here that you'll need to rewire. And snacks, Jenks, we're gonna need a shitload of snacks for this.' She rubbed her left eye, pushing away the sleepiness. She was starting her day without having gone to bed, but that was hardly anything new. She had a thermos of happy tea clipped to her belt, and a packet of stims in her pocket in case things got really dire. It'd do. 'So, you can fix it?' Oxlen said. 'Oh, yeah,' Kizzy said. She looked Oxlen in the eye and placed her hand over her heart. 'Believe me when I say that there's nothing I'd rather do than fix this thing.' Rosemary sat perched on a stack of empty vegetable crates, snacking on pepper puffs. Sissix was with her, leaning against one of Dr Chef's bug breeding tanks. The curtain separating the storage room from the kitchen was pulled back, but not all the way. The stasie hummed. The bugs skittered. It was a good place for gossip. 'They're so pretty,' Rosemary said, looking out at the Aeluons happily stuffing their faces round the dinner table. 'I wish I had scales.' 'You say that,' Sissix said. 'Be happy you have skin that doesn't shed all in one go.' 'Do Aeluons moult?' 'No. The bastards.' She took a few puffs from the bowl sitting in Rosemary's lap. 'How do you see them? I know attractiveness is relative.' 'True, but Aeluons are the universal exception. They're stupidly pretty.' Sissix crunched her puffs. 'Harmagians probably disagree.' 'Harmagians don't get a say in this.' 'Why?' 'Because they have no bones and are covered in goo.' Rosemary chuckled. 'That's not their fault.' 'It's still true.' Sissix grinned. 'Look at them, though.' She nodded toward the Aeluons. 'Look at the way they move. Even little things. Like that one, look at the way she picked up her cup. They don't move. They dance.' She took another handful of puffs. 'They make me feel like . . . oh, what are those big ugly reptiles you have back on Earth? The extinct ones?' 'Um . . .' Rosemary racked her brain. 'I don't know. Iguanas?' 'I don't know what those are. I don't mean things lost in the Collapse. I mean the old reptiles, the ones millions of years ago.' 'Dinosaurs.' 'Yes!' Sissix hunched over, tucking her arms up and exaggerating the angle of her bent legs. She stomped around the storage room, shifting her weight clumsily. Rosemary cracked up. 'You're not a dinosaur.' 'You don't know that. You weren't there. Maybe some of them built ships and left.' Rosemary let her eyes trail over Sissix. Polished green scales. Festive quills. Artful swirls painted round her claws. The way her trousers hung just so over her strange hips. Even when goofing off amid old crates and edible bugs, she was lovely. 'You're too pretty to be a dinosaur,' she said. She felt her cheeks flush as she said it. She hoped it didn't show. 'That's a relief,' Sissix said, straightening up. 'They didn't have the best of luck, if I recall. What was it? Gamma ray burst?' 'Impact event.' 'Too bad. The galaxy could use a few more reptiles.' 'To be fair, though, them dying out made room for us weird furry things.' Sissix laughed and gave Rosemary's shoulder a friendly squeeze. 'And I am fond of you weird furry things.' Rosemary smiled, and got to her feet. 'You want some fizz?' she said, walking to the cooler. 'Yes, please. These puffs have a kick.' Sissix watched the Aeluons as Rosemary searched for drinks. 'I've heard it's very scary to encounter them in combat. No yelling or noise. Just a bunch of silent people coming to kill you.' 'Ugh,' Rosemary said. She handed Sissix a frosty bottle of melon fizz. 'That's creepy.' 'You ever hear of the battle of Tkrit?' Sissix said. She looked at the long-necked bottle in her hand. 'I need an Aandrisk-friendly cup.' 'Oh, right, sorry,' Rosemary said. She stepped through the doorway and opened the cupboard outside, in search of something that someone without lips could drink from. Out at the far end of the kitchen, Corbin appeared at the counter. He gave the briefest of glances their way as he poured himself a mug of tea from the communal decanter. Sissix didn't acknowledge him, but Rosemary could see her feathers fluff ever so slightly. 'What's the battle of Tkrit?' 'Territory skirmish back before the GC, when we were all snatching up habitable planets as fast as we could. One of the few times Aeluons and Aandrisks clashed. Just a squabble, really. We were never formally at war. The story goes that late one night, three groups of Aeluon soldiers snuck into the base on Tkrit. Dead quiet, like I said, and coming in from all sides.' 'What'd the Aandrisks do?' Rosemary said, handing Sissix a cup. Sissix grinned. 'They turned off the lights. Aeluons can't see in infrared.' Rosemary imagined being inside a pitch-black building, filled with silent soldiers being picked off by unseen claws reaching through the darkness. She shivered. 'Speaking of Aeluons,' Sissix said. 'I am dying to know where our captain is.' She turned toward the vox. 'Hey, Lovey.' 'Nope,' Lovey said. Sissix and Rosemary exchanged amused looks. 'Nope?' Sissix said. 'You heard me. No way.' 'Please? You don't have to say what they're doing, just tell me where—' 'Oh, no! I seem to have a . . . circuit . . . problem. I can't talk to you any more.' The vox switched off. Rosemary and Sissix started to laugh, but the fun died as Corbin approached the storage room. 'Do you know when Kizzy and Jenks are coming back?' He addressed the question directly to Rosemary. 'They've been gone five hours.' 'Sorry, I don't know,' Rosemary said. 'Rough estimate?' 'I really have no idea.' Corbin huffed. 'The mixer they replaced last tenday jammed again, and the sensors aren't responding. I have a drum that's on the brink of going tacky.' Rosemary wanted to comment that the Aeluons had a ship that was running out of air, but if Sissix could bite her tongue, so could she. 'If I see them before you do, I'll send them your way.' 'I'd appreciate that.' He gave a curt nod and left. Rosemary turned to Sissix, who was contemplating something within her cup. 'What's up?' Sissix inhaled, as if surfacing from a deep thought. 'Oh, I was just exploring the idea of telling the Aeluons that Corbin is a Rosk spy.' Rosemary snorted. 'I'm sure they treat their prisoners well.' 'Well, that's the thing. I doubt a civilian ship like that has facilities for transporting captured spies.' She sipped her drink. 'I bet they'd make good use of the airlock, though.' The wrench fell from Kizzy's hand and clattered down behind the regulator. 'Oops.' She climbed down the pipes, making her way to the space between the machinery and the wall. 'You want me to get it?' Jenks asked. 'Nah, there's plenty of space.' Kizzy jumped down to the floor and began hunting for the errant tool. After a few steps forward, she paused. Something wasn't right. She turned round and looked at the wall. There was a hatchway there, but it wasn't properly melting into the surrounding wall. The seam around it flickered, as if someone was activating and deactivating the door faster than it could respond. 'Hey, Oxlen,' Kizzy called. 'Yes?' 'Is there a service panel back here?' 'I think so, why?' 'Looks like it's malfunctioning.' Kizzy thought about the way the walls worked. 'Could something be interfering with the structural lattice? A wonky circuit or something? Anything generating a signal?' 'I suppose. I don't really know. Do you think the mine damaged the door?' Kizzy looked back up at the regulator. The relay hub was a long way up. She shook her head. 'I doubt it. Nothing else this far down was damaged.' Kizzy pressed her hand against the panel. She could feel the polymer beneath her fingers liquefy – though that wasn't quite the right word, because the wall didn't feel wet. Just . . . fluid. Kizzy gave a little laugh. 'Cool.' The panel melted aside. The frame twitched and wiggled, but it held in place. She stuck her head into the wall and switched on the two little globulbs attached to her lenses. The wall held power conduits, fuel tubes, waste lines – all the things you'd expect to see within a ship's wall. She stepped inside. There was a narrow service pathway there, big enough for a lone tech. The pathway led upwards, disappearing into the darker regions of the ship's innards. She gazed around, looking for a sparking circuit or a leaking tube. A small flash of yellow light caught her eye. Just a little way above her head, easily within arm's reach, a strange object clung to a bundle of fuel tubes. Flat, black, round. Like a metallic jellyfish, tendrils wrapped tight. It was obviously of a different make to the surrounding tech, but Kizzy couldn't quite place it. There was another flash. Then a pause. Then a flash again. 'What the hell—' she muttered. She reached towards it. But before her fingers made contact, she froze. Another flash appeared in the corner of her eye. She craned her head up to follow the pathway. There was another one of the objects, positioned a few paces away from her. Then another. And another. She turned off her globulbs. Stretched out in a steady line, disappearing into the dark, a row of tiny yellow lights blinked in rhythm. With a rising horror, she realised what they were. Kizzy threw herself back against the wall as if burned. Run, she thought. Run. But she didn't run. She stared. 'Kizzy?' Jenks called. 'You okay in there?' She swallowed hard, trying to work some spit back into her mouth. 'Mines,' she said. 'What was that?' 'Mines,' she said, louder. 'The wall. The entire fucking wall. It's full of mines.' And big ones, too. Earlier, she'd found a piece of casing from the one that had knocked out the atmospheric regulator. Intact, it had probably been as wide across as her pinky. These ones were about the size of an outstretched hand. Things that big weren't made for knocking out an isolated system. Things that big were made to go boom. Back in the room, Jenks and Oxlen were making a lot of noise, talking over each other, calling their respective captains. But to Kizzy, they seemed distant. Her heart was in her ears. Her muscles started to shake. Her body begged to get away. But a quiet thought cut through the panic, holding her steady. How long before they go off? She thought about this. If they were ready to go off in seconds, running away wouldn't make any damn difference, not for her, not for the cargo ship, nor for the Wayfarer. But if there was more time, even just a minute or two, maybe . . . could she? She looked at the evil metal jellyfish nearest to her. Explosive or not, it was still a machine. She understood machines. Machines followed rules. 'Oxlen,' she called. 'Do either of those soldiers happen to be weapons techs?' 'What? No, no, they're just guards, we don't have anyone who—' Kizzy ignored the rest of whatever Oxlen was saying. She unhooked a pair of clippers from her belt, flicked her globulbs back on and climbed up close. 'Kizzy,' Jenks said. 'Kizzy, you need to get out of there.' 'Quiet,' she said. 'Give me a minute.' 'We may not have a minute, Kizzy, get out of there.' 'If we don't have a minute, it won't make any fucking difference where I am.' 'Kizzy—' Oxlen started. Kizzy flipped her scanner lenses into place. 'Both of you. Shut up. I can do this. Just – just shut up.' Somewhere very far away, she could hear more yelling, and a clanking sound – probably Jenks climbing over the pipes to come get her. She ignored it and peered through the lens into the heart of the mine. Its interior was solid explosive material – kedrium, given the density – which was seriously great news. For starters, that meant the triggering mechanisms were only on the outside of the mine, so there were no surprises inside that she needed to worry about. Better still, she knew kedrium. Back in her teens, she'd been grounded for her whole summer break after she and her friends had blown up an old junker skiff with a block of the stuff. Cheap explosive, used for clearing rock. You could get it at any market stop. If the mine used kedrium, that meant there had to be two triggers – one to start a heating device, and one to spark the kedrium once it was hot enough to be reactive. She took off her gloves and felt around the edges of the mine. Still cold. That was a good sign. She ran a finger over the seams. There. She shifted round so that she was hunched over within the fuel tubes. From that vantage point, she could see little trigger knobs sticking out from the backside, surrounded by dried beads of sealant. This wasn't some fancy-pants military-grade tech. This was hackjob work. She placed the clippers between her teeth and pulled a heat awl from her belt. The sealant fizzled and thinned under the awl's searing tip. She switched back to the magnification lens. Okay. That looks like the primary trigger, so if I just pop it loose – The yellow light blinked steadily, unchanged from before. There's the heater. And there – She held her breath and pulled the knob away from the frame. A thin cable trailed after it. She let the awl fall to the floor and took the clippers from her mouth. Her hand began to shake. The clippers rattled. She cut the cable. The light switched off. 'Kizzy—' She pried the blasting cap free of its gutted frame. It fell into her hand. Heavy. Cold. Harmless. A shudder of air burst from her lips. Her vision swam. She slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor, pressing her free palm against her forehead. 'Holy fuck,' Jenks said, falling against the door frame. 'You did it.' Kizzy took a deep breath. Her muscles shook all the harder. She laughed. One of the problems with talkboxes was that operating them required no small degree of mental concentration. If the wearer was distracted or impaired, the computerised words would come out jumbled. Such was the case with Pei, who was more upset than Ashby had ever seen. She stood fuming over the pieces of the disarmed mine that Kizzy had placed on the dinner table. Her cheeks were purple with anger, dark as a bruise. 'I can't – bastards on – what we might – brought you into – sorry for—' 'Pei,' Ashby said. He raised a halting hand, minding his tone with care. They were surrounded by her crew and his. He was alarmed, she was furious and their people were afraid. It was just the sort of situation that might make one of them slip. 'Try to slow down.' She took a shuddering breath. The colours in her cheeks flared, but held steady. 'Saery. I can't believe he was a coincidence.' 'What do you mean?' said one of her crew. Sula, a short female. 'Think about it. If the Aeluons give you sand between your teeth, and you want to cause some damage, why go to the trouble of taking out one cargo ship when you could take out a docking hub? Or a repair station?' Oxlen's cheeks darkened. There were a lot of purple faces at the table. 'They knocked out a vital system so that we'd have to stop for repairs. They figured we'd pull into port somewhere. That's why the mines haven't gone off yet. They timed them to wait a few tendays, because that's how long it would take us to get to a dock. They weren't planning for us to get help along the way.' Sula's eyes narrowed. 'And they made sure we didn't have a tech to fix it. He wasn't mugged. They must've watched him.' Pei took a few steps toward the window, fists balled against her sides. Ashby stuck his hands in his pockets and pressed his feet to the floor. Sissix caught his eye. Almost imperceptibly, she flashed him the Aandrisk gesture for sympathy. 'We can get angry later,' Pei said, turning back. Her cheeks had dulled to a dusky blue. 'Right now, we have a bigger problem. Ashby, I can't believe I got you mixed up in this. I'm so sorry.' 'I'm not,' Ashby said. 'You might not have known anything was wrong if it wasn't for Kizzy.' 'See, this is why fixbots are stupid,' Kizzy said. 'There are so many things they—' Jenks laid a hand across her arm. 'Not now, Kiz.' Tak picked up one of the pieces of the mine. 'It must've been one of the dock workers. Slipped away while the others were unloading cargo. This is our fault. We should've been more vigilant.' 'Nobody expected this,' Pei said. 'I've been running cargo for ten standards, and whenever somebody wants a piece of what I've got, they come at me directly. I've never dealt with anything so underhanded.' Tak's second eyelids darted in, then back again. 'I don't understand why they'd use such crude tech after going to all the trouble of getting aboard our ship.' 'If you were at a public docking port, that's the only way they could do it,' Jenks said. 'How are they supposed to get fully assembled explosives through security? It's way easier to bring in the pieces individually and put them together in a closet somewhere. Kedrium has legitimate uses on its own. It'd be easy to sneak through. And the rest of this stuff, it's just odds and ends.' 'Be happy they made them that way,' Kizzy said. 'I wouldn't have been able to figure 'em out otherwise. They should've hired better techs.' She glanced up at the Aeluon soldiers. 'Or, I mean, um, hrm.' She grabbed a cookie off a nearby plate and shoved it into her mouth. Pei tapped her fingers on the table. 'You're sure they're nowhere else on the ship?' 'Positive,' Oxlen said. 'I ran a full scan, after I knew what to look for.' Pei's cheeks flooded with colors. Ashby knew that look – hesitancy. 'Kizzy. I wish I didn't have to ask this, but—' 'Yeah, I can do it,' Kizzy said. She looked Ashby right in the eye before he'd even said anything. 'I can. I poked at the timer, and they're set to go off in three days. That's way more than I need.' 'I don't doubt that you can do it,' Ashby said. 'But just because you took care of one doesn't mean that the others might not go off.' 'If we do nothing, they're all going to go off.' Corbin spoke up from his vantage point by the kitchen counter. 'Would that be such a bad thing?' he asked. 'This . . . situation puts all of us at risk. No offence, Captain Tem, but this is not our problem.' Sissix opened her mouth, but Corbin continued. 'I'm sure we could drop all of you somewhere where you could find transport back to wherever you're going. Why not call the ship a loss and let us give you passage? We might even have room for some of your cargo, so long as you prioritise.' Pei looked to the two soldiers. Their faces erupted with colour, shifting fast as a kaleidoscope. A minute passed. 'Um, so . . .' Kizzy said. Jenks frowned. 'They're talking, Kizzy.' 'Oh.' She covered her mouth with her hands. 'Right.' Pei exhaled. 'Sorry. The trouble is that our cargo is . . . important. The soldiers feel that if there is a chance of saving all of it, we have to take it.' She met Ashby's eyes. 'And I feel terrible for saying it, but I'm inclined to agree. Not because it's my ship or because I want to get paid. But what we're carrying . . . it could really help. I'm sorry, I . . .' She glanced at the soldiers. 'I can't explain further than that.' Ashby looked to Kizzy. 'I'm not going to make you do this.' Kizzy nodded with more composure than Ashby had ever seen in her. 'I already said. I can do this.' She picked up the blasting cap. 'I was freaking out while I took this one apart. I'm one-hundred-per cent chill now. If I could disarm them while I was losing my shit, I can totally do it now.' She smiled at Rosemary, who was biting her lip. 'I got this.' 'I'm going with you,' Jenks said. 'It'll go faster with two.' 'No,' Kizzy said. She grew quieter. 'Something could still go wrong.' 'All the more reason you need some help.' 'All the more reason you should stay.' She fidgeted with the blasting cap. 'If something goes wrong, the Wayfarer still needs a tech.' Jenks looked hard at her. 'Don't you talk like that.' Everyone at the table could hear him, but there was a soft urgency in his tone that was meant for her ears alone. 'We should move our ships as far apart as possible,' Corbin said. 'If something does go awry, we need to make sure our ship is protected.' Pei nodded. 'That's a wise precaution. My people will stay here while Kizzy deals with the mines. I'll be going with her.' 'Why?' Ashby said, the word out of his mouth before he'd had time to think. But he wasn't alone in the sentiment. The other Aeluons' cheeks flashed with urgency. 'I'll go,' Tak said. 'I'm here to defend this cargo.' 'It's my ship,' Pei said. 'You're a civilian.' 'It's my ship.' Pei leaned forward, colours flaring. Whatever she said, it was enough to make Tak back down. She turned to Kizzy. 'I won't ask someone from another crew to risk something that I'm not prepared to risk myself.' Pei looked to Ashby. 'Don't worry. We see anything we can't handle, we'll get out of there fast. I'll take care of her.' Ashby sighed and put on the bravest smile he could. 'I know you will,' he said. But who will take care of you? Kizzy stood in front of the open service panel, tools in hand, looking at nothing. Little yellow lights flashed in the dark. They were waiting for her. She didn't move. Pei placed a hand on her shoulder. 'Finding some courage?' Kizzy shook her head. 'No. I'm good.' Pei blinked her weird eyelids sideways. 'This isn't that Human thing where you pretend not to be scared, is it?' 'No. Really, I'm good.' She climbed into the wall. Pei followed, hanging back by the access panel. Kizzy made her way to the closest mine. It seemed smaller than the first. She turned on her globulbs and got to work, moving with steady hands and quiet breaths. 'Is that a Human thing? Isn't that something everybody does?' 'Oh, no. It's a Human thing. See?' She pointed at the coloured patches on her finely scaled cheeks. Kizzy let go of the mine and looked up. 'I . . . don't know what that means.' She made an apologetic face. 'Sorry, I don't really know any Aeluons.' 'Are they red? Mostly? Maybe a bit of yellow mixed in?' 'Yeah. They're all, like, swirly.' 'Yep. I'm scared.' She cocked her head. 'And I'm curious as to why you're not.' Kizzy pursed her lips and looked back down at the armed explosive. 'I don't know. I was super scared when I first found them, but now, it's not so bad. Nervous, maybe, but no more than, like, working on the outer hull or putting out a circuit fire. There's a problem, and it's serious, but I'm fine. I don't really get why, but there you go.' 'You've examined the situation and are confident you can fix it. That makes sense.' 'I guess.' They both fell quiet as Kizzy worked her way round the mine, melting the sealant, snipping the cables. As the blasting cap fell into Kizzy's hand, Pei audibly exhaled. It was strange, hearing a sound come from her mouth instead of the talkbox. 'Stars,' Pei said. 'I feel so useless, not being able to help, but all the same, I don't know if I could do that.' 'Really?' Kizzy said, moving up the walkway. 'You deal with this kind of shit all the time. Like, guns pointed at your face and bad guys on your ship and all sorts of stuff.' 'Guns and . . . bad guys, yes. But this' – she nodded towards the mines – 'is not the shit I deal with all the time. This is not something I can fix. And that's what scares me. There are few things as unsettling as a lack of control in an unfamiliar situation.' Kizzy raised her tools, and silence returned. She crouched to examine the sealant. She frowned, and flipped down one of her magnification lenses. 'Ah, shit.' She could practically hear Pei tense up. 'What's wrong?' 'Don't worry, nothing major.' She squinted, then rolled her eyes. 'These hackjob goofballs. They let sealant get into the cable channel.' 'Is that bad?' 'No, it's just stupid. I'm going to have to melt it on super low heat, so that the kedrium doesn't get too hot.' 'That's bad, right?' 'It would be, yeah, but it won't happen. It'll take me a long-ass time, though. Idiots.' She sighed as she fit the heat awl with a smaller tip, and dialled down the temperature. For a while, they said nothing. Her neck was already feeling cranky from hunching. 'Hey, um, listen, I know I don't know you at all, but can I ask you a question?' 'Considering what you're doing for my ship, I'd say you have the right to ask whatever you like.' 'Fair enough.' She kept both eyes fixed on the sealant. 'Okay, so, the gun thing. We've established this is a thing you do a lot.' 'You mean using guns, or having them pointed at me?' 'Both, I guess. I mean more like being in situations where people are angry and also there are guns.' 'I'm not sure that it happens a lot. But more often than for most, perhaps.' 'Enough for you not to be scared of it.' 'I never said that.' 'You did so.' 'I said I was familiar with it. That's very different.' 'But how do you stop being scared about it? Like, when it's happening?' 'I don't understand.' The top edge of the sealant started to glisten. 'Well, you kind of said it was something you can be in control of. I mean, if you've got a gun pointed at someone, and they're returning the favour, you've got to be not scared enough to deal with it before they do, right?' 'That's . . . not how it works.' Pei paused. 'Is this about the Akaraks?' 'You heard about that.' 'I did. Is it still bothering you?' Kizzy licked her lips. Fuck it. We might be dead in an hour. 'I haven't been able to sleep much since it happened, and I can't figure out how to talk to my crew about it. And I'm tired, like bone-crunchingly tired, but I get so scared I'll wake up to strangers pointing guns at me that I can't sleep. I either have to knock myself out with drops, or work work work until I fall over. And I know it's stupid. I know what happened to us was a freak thing, and it'll probably never happen again. But I'm more scared of that than I am of this wall of death I'm staring at right now. I just – I don't make sense, and I'm kind of pissed at myself about it.' The acrid smell of melting sealant tickled her nose. She poked at the seam with her fingertip. Gooey, but still holding fast. She scowled. 'Stars, just melt already.' She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't be spewing this all over you. It must sound so stupid.' 'It doesn't sound stupid. Though I am wondering why you're talking to me about it.' 'Because you know about this stuff. I thought maybe . . . I just want to know how I can live with knowing this kind of shit is out there and not be scared of it.' Pei said nothing for a moment. 'Kizzy, I am scared of everything, all the time. I'm scared of my ship getting shot down when I have to land planetside. I'm scared of the armour in my vest cracking during a fight. I'm scared that the next time I have to pull out my gun, the other guy will be faster. I'm scared of making mistakes that could hurt my crew. I'm scared of leaky biosuits. I'm scared of vegetables that haven't been washed properly. I'm scared of fish.' 'Fish?' 'You haven't seen the fish on my home colony. Very thin teeth.' 'But how do you deal with that?' 'With what?' 'Being scared of all that stuff.' 'You mean how is it that I can sleep and you can't. Is that what you're asking?' 'Yeah.' 'I don't know. Maybe it's just different for us. We're different species, after all.' She paused. 'Or maybe because I never thought to ask anyone what you're asking. I never thought of fear as something that can go away. It just is. It reminds me that I want to stay alive. That doesn't strike me as a bad thing.' 'Hang on, pause,' Kizzy said. Melted sealant began to drip onto the floor. Finally. She took a thin pair of pliers from her belt and tugged the cable through the clear gunk. She flipped down her lenses and examined the blasting cap. Warm, but not enough to cause trouble. She gave a satisfied nod, cut the cable and wiped the goo off on her pants. 'Okay, we're good.' She looked up the walkway, where little yellow lights sat blinking, waiting. 'This might sound weird, but it's really nice knowing that you're scared of fish. And all the other stuff.' Kizzy didn't have the easiest time reading Pei's face, but the lady looked amused. 'I'm glad, but I'm not sure I understand. I don't think I answered your question.' 'You did.' She cracked her knuckles and popped off the blasting cap. 'I hate that this is the first time we've met you. Especially given the circumstances.' She looked back towards Pei. 'I know it's hard for you, but you can come stay with us any time. I can think of a certain Exodan captain who'd like that a lot.' 'I'd like that, too,' Pei said. She was quiet a moment. Her cheeks went orange. 'Maybe some time.' She took a breath and nodded towards the walkway. 'But first, let's keep my ship from blowing up.' Jenks leaned back, letting the weight of the tub of bolts in his arms fall against his chest. Arms aching, he carried the tub out of the freight elevator, down the corridor and into the Fishbowl. Ashby sat on a garden bench, staring out the window at the speck that was Pei's ship. Jenks walked round the bench, standing where Ashby could see him. 'Hi,' he said. Ashby turned his head. 'Hi.' Jenks upturned the tub. The bolts clattered to the floor like heavy rain. 'These are several hundred bolts. They are all different shapes and sizes, and Kizzy always keeps them in one communal tub. It drives me crazy.' Ashby blinked. 'Why are they on the floor?' 'Because we are going to sort them. We are going to sort them into nice, neat little piles. And then we're going to take those piles and put them in smaller tubs, so that when I need a bolt, I don't have to go digging.' 'I see.' Ashby blinked again. 'Why are we doing this?' 'Because some jackass dumped them all over the floor, and they have to be cleaned up. And if they have to be cleaned up, we might as well sort them while we're at it.' Jenks sat down, leaning comfortably against a planter. He began to pick through the bolts. 'See, my best friend in the whole galaxy is currently on another ship, holed up in a wall, disarming hackjob explosives. It's dark in there, and her fingers are probably sore by now, after tugging at all those little wires, and I'm shitting myself over the possibility of something going wrong, because I seriously do not know what I would do without her. And I can't help. I can't do anything. Not one damn thing. I know she's the best person for this, and I know she doesn't need my help. But all the same, she's facing some dangerous shit, and it is completely out of my hands. I want to do something, and it's driving me fucking crazy that I can't. I can't even smoke because there are Aeluons around. So, fine. I'm going to sort bolts.' He swung his eyes up to Ashby. 'And I think anybody who has similar feelings should join me.' Ashby rubbed his beard. 'Why?' Jenks brushed aside a swathe of bolts with his hand, clearing a workspace. 'Because this is going to take hours, and it's something to do. And it's better than staring out a window.' Ashby sat quiet for a moment. He leaned forward, clasping his hands together in a businesslike way. 'Are we sorting them by size, or shape?' 'Shape to start. Then we'll make sub-piles by size.' 'Should I get us some kick?' 'I think that would be best.' Kizzy and Pei returned to the Wayfarer some two hours later. There had been forty-six mines behind the wall, all now in pieces. They'd spaced the kedrium, much to Kizzy's chagrin, and Pei'd run two more scans of the ship, just to be safe. Kizzy's hands were aching, and her back was stiff, and her head was pounding from squinting in the dark. She was glad to be back home. Everybody had jumped all over her when she came through the airlock. Sissix nuzzled her head so hard that her hairdo came loose, and Rosemary got all misty-eyed, and Jenks gave her the best hug ever. Lovey was rambling about how worried she'd been, and even Ohan came down, limping on their weak legs, to give her a respectful bow. She felt like a hero. Dr Chef made an enormous dinner for everybody – red coast bugs and fried spineroots and spicy crunchy salt peas. The Aeluons had been a little weirded out by the bugs at first – red coasters were pests to them, after all – but they warmed up to it, maybe out of novelty more than anything. Everybody was swapping stories and chowing down, and after a while, you could almost kind of forget that in a parallel universe, they all might be dead by then. There reached a point where both Sissix and Oxlen were looking at the time on their scribs with that frowny we-need-to-get-going look that all pilots got. Everybody said their goodbyes. Kizzy's heart went to pieces when she saw Pei and Ashby give each other a friendly farewell handshake. Let them make out, dammit! It just wasn't fair. Oxlen caught her eye and gave her a secret, knowing nod. Huh. Maybe all Aeluons weren't such prudes, after all. As the Aeluon ship sailed off, Kizzy excused herself. She took a long shower, giving herself twenty-two minutes instead of the fifteen she demanded of everybody else. She figured she'd earned an extra seven minutes, and the filters could take it. Afterwards, she went back to her room. Dr Chef had left a mug of tea and a couple spring cakes waiting for her. She smiled, put on some comfies and crawled into bed with her snacks. She wrote a letter to her dads, just to say she loved them. She ate her cakes. She drank her tea. She watched the stars go by. Without meaning to, she slept. Received message Encryption: 0 Translation: 0 From: Nib (path: 6273-384-89) To: Rosemary Harper (path: 9874-457-28) Subject: Re: Question about Toremi reference files Hello Rosemary! Good to hear from you. We all enjoyed you staying with us, unplanned as it was. And it's no trouble at all! I'm always happy to answer archive questions (and recruit new volunteers . . . ?). I know, the Toremi files are seriously lacking in details. I'm not part of that project, but I have a few friends who are, and they're pulling their hair out. Everything Toremi-related has been receiving an absurd amount of traffic lately, but the problem is, there's just not enough verifiable data yet for us to approve much for public access. However, if you promise to keep this to yourself, I did manage to dig up a few titbits for you. Bear in mind, none of this has been verified to our standards yet, but it's the best the Toremi team has got right now. Here's what we know: 1. The Toremi are obsessed with patterns. Not geometric patterns. They believe that the whole universe follows some sort of elaborate path – or series of paths, maybe. Nobody's quite sure which, far as I can tell. Their whole thing is that they're trying to figure out the pattern and match their lives to it. Apparently, that's why they've been circling the Core since who-knows-when. The galaxy spins, so they should, too. That's where the clans come in. Everybody's got a different idea on how the patterns work, and they get pretty violent over it. And clans can change really fast when new ideas come in. They sound like a very compulsive sort of people. The only thing the clans obviously agree on is the whole circling-the-Core-thing. Or they did, at least. Which brings us to . . . 2. You may have heard this by now, but I'm still so excited by it: generally speaking, the Toremi are a dual-sexed, sexually reproductive race. But a small number of them have started to go parthenogenetic. I know! But as fascinating as that is, it's been a mess for the Toremi. Remember that whole pattern thing? Yeah, every clan has a different idea on what this new evolutionary path means. Some of them revere the 'New Mothers,' and have elevated them to positions of power. Some do the opposite, subjugating or enslaving them. And some kill them. The Toremi Ka, our new allies, fall into the former group (thankfully). 3. The reason the Toremi have started scrambling for territory all of a sudden is because the emergence of the parthenogenetic females is the biggest change to their pattern in a very long time. They call it a yegse, a change that rules all. When a yegse takes place, the Toremi drop what they're doing and take time to figure it out. For them, that means turning off their engines and grabbing some ground. This hasn't happened in centuries. Maybe millennia. 4. Hedra Ka – or Hedra, which I'll get to in a minute – is a very young planet in a relatively new star system. The reason the Toremi want it so bad is because it, too, is shifting around and changing. They think that the universe wants them to go there. Not that it can be terraformed or even settled. It's a hellhole, from what I've read. As for the name, 'Hedra' is the name of the planet. 'Ka' just marks which clan it belongs to. That's all we've got for now, but feel free to ask any other questions you've got. I'll keep you posted if I find out anything else. I know the Toremi team will keep squeezing GC delegates for more info. Stingy bastards. Fly safe, Nib Day 397, GC Standard 306
Rosemary walked into the control room and looked out the window. Nothing but clear space, with one ringed planet, Theth, hanging fat in the middle. A scattering of moons floated nearby, just beyond the wreath of sandy rings. The Wayfarer was heading for the fifth moon on the left – Hashkath. Rosemary held up her hand and covered the Aandrisk homeworld with her thumb. Hard to believe that glistening green marble was larger than Mars. But then, space had a way of putting size into uncomfortable perspective. She looked to the pilot. 'Is something wrong?' Sissix's hands darted quickly over her navigation panel. 'No, why?' 'Because you're flying manually. When you do that this far out of orbit, that usually means something's wrong.' Rocks. Gas clouds. Junk. Other ships. More rocks. There was no end to rocks in space. 'I'm flying home,' said Sissix. 'That's something I've got to do myself.' Rosemary took a seat beside her. 'Why?' 'When Aandrisks first took to space, we used these awful solar-sail pods. Really skittish, could only fit one person. Not for the claustrophobic.' 'Ours were the same. Not the sails, but still. Tiny.' She shuddered. 'You guys lucked out, though. There's nothing floating around your planet except the stuff you put up there yourselves. Your flyers could just orbit round and round for ever. Smooth sailing. But our moon's got moons of its own, and it's orbiting a ringed planet. That takes some very tricky manoeuvring, especially when you're talking about a little metal can with flimsy sails. And this was before artigrav made it our way, so you're just floating there, hoping you touch ground again. Being able to say that you went all the way out here and got yourself safely back home – that made you a hero. It meant you were strong and skilled, that you'd worked hard to make sure your family didn't lose you.' 'Ah,' said Rosemary. 'So this is a matter of pride.' 'I suppose,' said Sissix. She paused. 'Yeah. In a good way.' The vox snapped on. 'Sissix,' said Kizzy. She sounded timid. 'You know I love you, right?' Sissix sighed. 'What did you do?' 'How much will you hate me if Jenks and I don't come to your family's for dinner tonight?' 'Deeply and unendingly,' said Sissix in a tone that suggested otherwise. 'Why?' 'Well . . . oh, now I feel bad . . .' There was a rustle on the vox. Jenks's voice took over. 'Sissix, we just found out that the Bathtub Strategy is on tour and they're playing at that big concert field in Reskit tonight.' 'The Aksisk?' Sissix sounded impressed. 'Guys, I will hate you if you don't go.' 'You sure?' Kizzy said. 'Because it's not a big deal, really—' 'Kizzy,' Sissix said. 'Go.' 'You're the best.' The vox switched off. 'You can go with them if you want,' Sissix said. 'The Aksisk is an amazing venue.' 'Charthump's not really my thing,' said Rosemary. 'Besides, dinner with your family sounds nice. I'm excited to see where you're from.' 'Well, it's a lot less exciting than the Aksisk, but it'll be friendly, at least.' Her hands flurried with commands. The ship veered to the left. 'You've never been to an Aandrisk home before, have you?' 'No.' She cleared her throat. 'And, ah, if you don't mind, I could use a refresher course.' Sissix laughed. 'Humans are so cute.' She met Rosemary's eyes and smirked. 'Don't worry, it takes all of you for ever to get this. Okay, so.' She took one hand off the controls and counted down on her claws. 'Hatch family, feather family, house family. Tell me what you know.' Rosemary leaned back. 'You're born into a hatch family.' 'Right.' 'Then you grow up and leave for a feather family.' 'Stopping you there. It's not like you leave as soon as you get your feathers. You leave when you've found a good feather family, or when you find other adults worth making a feather family with.' 'A feather family is friends and lovers, right?' 'Right. People you emotionally depend on.' 'But feather families change often, right?' 'Not often, necessarily. Often by your standards, I guess. People change feather families whenever they need to, and people need different things at different times in their lives. It's almost unheard of for an Aandrisk to stay with the same people their entire life. Two or three people, maybe, sometimes, but not a whole group. Groups change regularly.' 'So, feather families are usually people all around the same age?' 'Oh, not at all. Young Aandrisks tend to stick together at first, but once they gain a little confidence and experience, they branch out. We don't worry about age differences as much as most other species do. If you've got feathers, it's fine. And it can be a great experience for youngsters to group with an older crowd. I was the youngest by far in my second feather family, and—' Sissix chuckled, her eyes far away. 'Yeah, I learned a lot of things.' 'Do you—' Rosemary felt herself blush. 'Does everybody in a feather family, um, y'know—' 'Couple? To some extent, but it's different from what you think. At least once, almost definitely. But not everybody within a feather family has romantic feelings towards everyone else. It's a whole web of different feelings. So, yes, there's a lot of coupling going on – especially on holidays, a holiday without a tet is unheard of.' Rosemary had learned the word. Its literal translation was 'frolic,' but its colloquial use implied something far more risque. 'But many members are platonic towards one another. They'll touch each other much more than Humans do, but it's still not coupling. Or, well, then again, sometimes it can be. We tend to think about coupling the same way that – hmm, how to put this – okay, like how you think about good food. It's something you always look forward to, and it's something everybody needs and enjoys. At the low end of the scale, it's comforting. At the high end, it's transcendent. And like eating a meal, it's something you can do in public, with friends or with strangers. But even so, it's best when you share it with someone you care about romantically.' 'I can see that,' Rosemary said. She nodded. 'So, then, house family. House family raises children. But not their own children, right?' 'Right. We can breed as soon as we've got a full head of feathers, but we don't start thinking about raising children until we've got old. That's when we make house families. It's usually made up of elder members of a feather family, who all decide to settle down together. Sometimes they might contact favourites from previous feather families, see if they want to join. And don't misunderstand, house families change members from time to time, too. They may be old, but they're still Aandrisks.' She laughed. 'So, younger Aandrisks give their eggs to a house family.' 'Right.' 'Do they find a house family that has someone they're related to?' 'It's nice if you can, but usually you just choose whoever's most convenient. When a woman has a fertile clutch – we call it a kaas – she goes to the local registry and finds a good house family with room for more.' 'What if she can't find someone to take them?' 'Then she buries the clutch. Remember, most of the clutch will die anyway. Most won't even make it to hatching. That's not because they're unhealthy. That's just how it is. Stars, I can't even imagine how many of us there'd be if every egg hatched. Too many.' She shuddered. Rosemary thought about this. 'I hope this doesn't sound ignorant, but why don't feather families raise their own hatchlings? Aren't there enough people there to help out?' 'Yeah, but it's not a matter of resources or support. It's a matter of where you are in your life. In our early adulthood, it's expected that we'll want to travel or study, and it's a given that we'll switch families often as we age. Elders don't shift around as much. They're more stable. And most importantly, they've got life experience. They're wise. They know things.' She smirked. 'I'll never understand how the rest of you expect brand new adults to be able to teach kids how to be people.' 'That's . . . okay, that's a fair point.' Rosemary closed her eyes, trying to keep it all straight. 'So, the house family becomes the hatch family for those eggs.' 'Right. And a house family is usually good for two generations of hatchlings. It's common for first-generation adults to bring their own eggs back to the family that raised them. That's what I did.' Rosemary sat up. 'Wait. You've got kids?' Sissix had never mentioned this, not once. The Aandrisk woman laughed. 'I had a fertile clutch.' 'When?' 'About three standards ago. I'm told two hatchlings lived. But that doesn't make me a mother.' She winked. 'I'm not old enough for that yet.' Rosemary looked out the window. She chided herself for being so species-centric, but something about this knowledge made her view Sissix differently. She was surprised to realise the depth of her Human concept of motherhood, the idea that procreating fundamentally changed you. But then, she was of a mammalian species. If she ever chose to have children, it would mean spending the better part of a year watching her body stretch and contort, then another year, or more, of letting a fragile, helpless thing that didn't understand its own limbs feed from her body. Aandrisk hatchlings developed within a detached object, and emerged ready to walk. But though she understood the biological distinctions, she still struggled to wrap her brain around the idea of breeding as something nonchalant, nothing more complicated than sticking eggs in a basket, handing them off and getting on with your day. Did they use baskets? She didn't know, but she couldn't push away the image of a white wicker basket filled with speckled eggs, the handle tied up with pastel bows. 'Do you talk to them, or . . . ?' Sissix gave her a somewhat exasperated smile. 'No. Remember, they're not people yet, not by our standards. And they're not my family. I know that sounds cold to you, but trust me, they're loved by the elders raising them. Though, that said, elders don't get attached to hatchlings, not until they see who they turn into. That's where the real joy is for house families. Seeing the hatchlings they raised come back as fully feathered adults, with stories and ideas and personality.' 'Like you're doing now.' 'Right.' 'Have you ever met your . . . biological parents?' 'My egg mother, once. Her name's Saskist. Very funny woman, and I'm glad I got her feathers. I've never met my egg father, but I know he lives with his feather family on Ikekt. Or he did last time I checked. That was a while ago, though, he may have moved on by now.' Rosemary thought of what Lovey said if you gave her one task too many: I'm sorry, but that'll have to wait a moment. If I put anything more in my databanks, my processing streams will stall. And I hate that. 'How do you keep track of all the changes to families?' 'There's a central database that our government maintains. All feather families are registered there, and the archivists keep track of every change. You can look up anybody's name and see who their egg parents were, who raised them, which families they've been in, who they've had clutches with and where the hatchlings have gone to.' 'That's got to be one complicated database. Why go to all that trouble?' 'Same reason our full names include all our family details.' She gave Rosemary a pointed look. 'Because inbreeding is gross.' The shuttle ramp unfolded, bright sun flooding in. Rosemary tugged her satchel over her shoulder as she followed Sissix and Ashby down. Her legs wobbled, protesting the switch from artigrav to the real thing. Hashkath had just a touch more bounce than she was used to. She looked up. Theth loomed overhead, its rings and swirling clouds appearing as ghostly after-images against the hazy blue. Her view was unhindered, no shield pylons or shuttle traffic to get in her way. An open sky. They had landed in Sethi, a small community in the Western desert region of Hashkath. Well, Sissix had called it a desert. It wasn't like any desert Rosemary had ever seen. Mars was desert, barren and parched. Its gardens and green plazas were constructs, enclosed beneath habitat domes, fed with recycled water. But here, the ground was alive, flocked with scruffy grass and warped trees, stretching from their flat landing site all the way to the angular mountains along the horizon. And flowers, too, flowers everywhere. Not like the lush, leafy genetweaks from the greenhouses back home, or the elegant vines creeping through Dr Chef's garden. These were wildflowers, bursting triumphantly from the grey ground, growing tangled and low in bundles of orange, yellow, purple. The trees twisted up over them, covered in spines and clusters of berries. They grew thickest in a long strip up ahead, a ribbon of green that hinted at a hidden stream. Beyond the ribbon lay the community, a lazy gathering of pod-like homesteads hugging the ground. It was spread out enough to give a family space to stretch and grow things, but close enough to keep your neighbours right at hand. Sethi was a quiet place. Out of the way. Modestly prosperous. Uncomplicated. No gaming hubs or prefab stores. There wasn't even a real shuttle dock, just a wide, unattended area suitable for landing small spacecraft and supply drones. Looking around, Rosemary understood why a young adult would want to leave such a place, and why an elder would want to come back. She touched her bare nose, basking in the novelty of being able to breathe without a mask or an artificial atmosphere. The last time she'd been without one or the other was Port Coriol, which felt like a lifetime ago. The air at the port had been thick with the smells of algae and business. The air on Hashkath was clean, dry, oxygen-rich, laced with the scent of desert flowers warming in the sun. It was good air. Sissix obviously agreed. She threw her arms wide and her head back as soon as her clawed feet touched the ground. 'Home,' she said, sounding as if she had just surfaced from a long swim. 'Wow,' Ashby said. 'I'd forgotten that it would be spring here.' Sissix inhaled and exhaled with vigour, as if purging the Wayfarer's recycled air from her lungs. She looked down at her body. 'Oh, hell no.' She untied the drawstring of her trousers, stepped out of them and threw them back into the shuttle. Her vest followed suit. Naked, she began walking towards her childhood home, her scales glinting in the sun. As they walked, Ashby reached into his own satchel and pulled out his translation hud. He fitted the thin metal band around his head. The eyescreen flickered to life. 'I thought you spoke Reskitkish,' Rosemary said. 'I understand Reskitkish,' Ashby said. 'But I'm far from fluent when I speak. And since I don't get much practice, it helps to have a cheat sheet.' 'Your accent is better than most Humans I know,' Sissix said. 'I know it's a pain for you to speak on an inhale.' 'It's not the speaking on an inhale that's so bad. It's alternating it with exhaling within the same sentence.' He snapped his satchel shut. 'Seriously, who does that?' Rosemary pulled her own hud out of her bag. 'It is pretty mean,' she said. Her knowledge of Reskitkish was practically non-existent, but the few phrases she had tried made her feel light-headed. 'I don't know how you can speak it without hyperventilating.' Sissix thumped her chest with a fist. 'We've got better lungs,' she said. 'Yeah, well, we've got warm blood,' Ashby said. 'I think that's the better end of the deal.' Sissix gave a short laugh. 'You have no idea. I'd take your weak lungs and useless nose over morning torpor any day.' Ashby looked at Rosemary. 'I can't tell if that was a compliment or not.' He turned back to Sissix. 'Hey, is Ethra still here?' 'As far as I know.' 'Do not make any puns around him,' Ashby said to Rosemary. 'He wiped the floor with me last time I was here. And he's got an arsenal of Human jokes that will cause permanent damage.' Sissix chuckled. 'He's no kinder to his own species. What was the one about – oh, what was it, something horrible involving tails—' Ashby laughed. 'So a Human, a Quelin and a Harmagian walk into a tet—' 'No, stop,' Sissix said, gesturing ahead with her chin. They had reached the scrub-filled banks of the desert stream. Two Aandrisk children were playing in the water, shouting over one another. A message appeared on Rosemary's hud: Cannot process conversation. Please move closer to speaker(s). She had no frame of reference for how old the children were, but given their small size and playfulness, Rosemary thought of them as Human kids in their first years of primary school. Well, maybe. One of them looked younger than the other. She had a hard time pinning down anything else about them. Aandrisk sex was easy to determine in adults, mainly due to size, but at this age, they were androgynous, especially since male Aandrisks lacked external genitalia. Categorisation aside, there was something fragile about these two, a paper-like quality to their scales. No wonder she hadn't seen any Aandrisk children offworld before. She didn't even know them, and already she felt protective. She imagined their parents must feel that way ten times over. Hatch parents, she reminded herself. Hatch parents. Ashby lowered his voice. 'Since when do Aandrisks not mention tets around their kids?' 'We do,' Sissix said. 'But you're probably the first Humans they've ever seen, and I don't want them to grow up thinking your species is stupid.' She walked towards the children, calling out a breathy greeting. The kids' featherless heads snapped up. The smaller one shouted something. The translation appeared on Rosemary's hud. 'Aliens! The aliens are here!' They scrambled up out of the stream, claws skittering in excitement. Sissix crouched down to nuzzle both of their faces. Rosemary had seen her do the same to Ashby, but with him, the gesture was more affectionate, more natural. There was something formal about this. Kind and genuine, yes, but definitely removed. The older child spoke. 'You're Sissix.' 'That's right.' 'You're my egg mother.' Sissix smiled. She did not look surprised. 'You must be Teshris.' Her eyes flicked to the other. 'Are you Eskat, then?' 'No,' the child said, giggling. 'No, I see now. You're too young.' She patted his bald head. 'Not that that's a bad thing.' Ashby whispered in Rosemary's ear. 'Teshris is a girl,' he said. 'Her buddy here's a boy.' 'Thanks,' Rosemary replied, wondering how he could tell the difference. 'Eskat is her sibling?' 'Egg brother, yeah. I didn't know their names until now, though.' Sissix said something to Teshris in hand speak. Ashby whispered again: 'That motion's specific to egg parents. She's saying that she's happy that Teshris is healthy and . . . well, that she exists, basically.' The Aandrisk girl responded, her gestures awkward and new. 'She's thanking Sissix for giving her life.' The two Aandrisks smiled and gave each other one more nuzzle. And that was that. No hugs, no long stares, no Sissix needing some time to process the daughter she'd never spoken to. In that moment, Rosemary understood. Teshris wasn't Sissix's daughter, not in the Human sense. They shared genes and respect, nothing more. Sissix turned her head to Teshris's companion. 'What's your name?' 'Vush,' he said. 'Whose eggs are you from?' 'Teker and Hasra.' Sissix crowed with laughter. 'I don't know Hasra, but Teker was my hatch sister.' Hatch sister, not egg sister. Rosemary felt like she needed to start drawing a chart. Sissix grinned at the kids. 'When we were growing up' – the hud added the direct translation becoming people as a parenthetical – 'she always said she didn't want to have a clutch, and that she'd be tough enough to go without coupling while she was fertile. That changed damn quick once her feathers started coming in. During her first heat, I found her rutting alone up against a rock. I thought she was going to choke, she was so—' The hud skipped over the last word and offered an explanation instead: [no analogue available: a combination of arousal, frenzy and inexperience, generally attributed to adolescence]. Sissix laughed again, and the kids joined in. Rosemary raised her eyebrows. How old were these kids? She glanced over at Ashby. He looked a little uncomfortable, too. At least she wasn't alone in it. Vush spoke up after he'd stopped giggling. 'I want to touch the Humans, but Ithren said they don't like that.' 'He's right, not all Humans do. But I bet these two would be okay with it. You just have to ask permission first.' She pointed back towards her companions. 'This is Rosemary, and this is Ashby. They are very good people.' The kids looked at them, motionless. Rosemary remembered being four years old, seeing a Harmagian for the first time, unable to stop staring at the tendrils where his chin should have been. It was odd to find herself on the other end of the equation. Ashby crouched down and smiled. The kids looked a little stiff, but they stepped closer. It took Rosemary a moment to realise their tense muscles were not a result of fear, but of suppressing the instinct to touch. Ashby began to speak in Reskitkish. His consonants were halting, and his out-breaths were far more exaggerated than Sissix's, but it was good enough for the hud to pick up. 'My name is Ashby. I am glad to meet you. You can touch me.' The kids ran forward. They nuzzled a quick hello, out of politeness, and got to the serious business of poking at Ashby. 'It's so soft!' Vush said, pressing his hands against Ashby's coiled hair. 'No quills!' 'Do you moult?' Teshris asked, examining Ashby's forearm. 'No,' said Ashby. 'But we . . .' He struggled, and switched over to Klip, addressing Sissix. 'Can you explain dry skin?' 'Their skin comes off in tiny, tiny pieces, not all at once,' Sissix said to the kids. 'They don't even notice it.' 'Lucky,' Teshris said. 'I hate moulting.' Vush, a little less restrained than his hatch sister now that permission had been given, walked right up to Rosemary and gave her a nuzzle. 'Can I touch you, too?' Rosemary smiled and nodded, before realizing the boy wouldn't understand what a nod meant. 'Tell him yes,' Rosemary said to Sissix. Sissix relayed the message. Vush frowned. 'Why can't she tell me herself?' 'She doesn't speak Reskitkish,' Sissix said. 'But that hud she's wearing lets her read every word you say.' The Aandrisk boy stared at Rosemary, baffled. The notion that someone could not speak Reskitkish seemed inconceivable to him. 'Here, Rosemary,' Sissix said in Klip. 'Do this.' She made a quick curve with her fingers. 'That's agreement.' Rosemary looked at Vush and repeated the gesture. Vush gestured something back, and grabbed her breasts. 'What are these?' Rosemary yelped. Ashby burst out laughing. Sissix darted forward, pulling Vush's hands back. 'Vush, Human women don't like it when people they don't know touch them there.' 'Oh, stars,' Ashby said in Klip, holding his shaking sides. Vush looked puzzled. 'Why not?' 'Is he okay?' Teshris asked, pointing at Ashby. She had taken a few steps back. 'Yes,' Sissix said. 'He's just laughing.' Vush's eyes were wide and worried. 'Did I do something bad?' 'Oh, no, tell him it's okay,' Rosemary said. 'It's really not a big deal.' She was laughing herself by now. Sissix patted the boy's head. 'You didn't do anything bad, Vush. Humans just have more rules about people touching their bodies than we do. I think it would be best to avoid any part of her torso that's covered.' She tugged gently at Rosemary's shirt to illustrate the point. Vush looked at the ground. 'I'm sorry.' Rosemary reached out to touch Vush's forearm, as she'd seen Sissix do in moments of empathy. She took his hand and placed it on top of her head, inviting him to explore. Vush brightened, and Sissix gave her a fond, approving look. 'Her feathers are different from [unknown],' said Vush as he ran his claws through Rosemary's hair. The hud did not recognise the last word, but Rosemary did: Ashby. Vush's attempt at the sh in his name lingered for far longer than it was meant to, and he had stumbled on the b. 'They're not feathers, stupid,' Teshris said. 'That's hair.' She looked between Rosemary and Ashby. 'You're a different kind of brown than she is.' 'That's right,' Ashby said. 'Aandrisks are like that,' she informed him, as if he, too, were meeting a new species for the first time. 'We have lots of different colours. I'm blue-green, Vush is green-blue, Sissix is green-green. I know all my scale colours. Skeyis says I'm the best at them.' She folded the top of his ear down toward the lobe, over and over again. Ashby bore it patiently. 'Do you come from a moon?' 'No, I . . .' Again, he struggled, and looked to Sissix for help. 'He's a spacer,' Sissix said. 'Many Humans are born [literal translation: body-hatched] on homestead ships.' 'What about her?' Teshris asked. 'She grew up on a planet called Mars.' Sissix was starting to sound bored. Rosemary found their current companions adorable – though she wouldn't have complained if Vush tugged her hair with a little less enthusiasm – but Sissix kept gazing over her shoulder towards the homesteads. She looked anxious to see her family, and these kids weren't it. Not even the one that had her cheekbones. A cry rose up as they walked up the path toward the homesteads. 'Sissix!' an old voice called. Several others joined in: 'Sissix! Sissix!' All at once, a flood of Aandrisks came pouring out of the open entryways. There were a dozen of them, maybe more. Rosemary hadn't had time to count before they piled on top of Sissix, who had gone running to meet them. They tumbled down in a tangle of tails and feathered heads, hugging and squeezing and cuddling close. All their attention was focused on their long-absent daughter. They nuzzled her cheeks, tugged her feathers, pressed as close to her as they could. Rosemary was taken aback. Even though there was nothing overtly sexual in the way they were touching each other, Rosemary had trouble seeing a mass of writhing naked people any other way. It looked more like group foreplay than a family reunion. Sissix, on the other hand, was happier than Rosemary had ever seen her. She melted into the embraces of her family. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back as one of the Aandrisks touched her feathers. Rosemary had seen that look before – not on Sissix, but on the old woman they'd encountered at Port Coriol. It was a look of profound gratitude, the sort that comes at the end of a long wait, at being able to exhale after holding your breath until your lungs burned. Rosemary thought of Sissix on the Wayfarer, how she'd always seemed so affectionate, how cuddly and sweet she was. But now Rosemary saw it from the flip side. What counted as affection in her book was holding back for Sissix. The laughing, snuggling heap on the ground was her baseline. Rosemary imagined herself and her Human crewmates from that point of view. A bunch of stiff, prudish automatons. How could Sissix put up with that every day? She thought again of the moments in which Sissix touched them, the genuine fondness on her face when she nuzzled Ashby's cheek or hugged Kizzy and Jenks in tandem. She thought of how much effort it would take Sissix to not tumble down with them as she was doing now with her hatch family, to push back her need for a more tangible form of connectedness. 'Ashby, Rosemary,' Sissix called from within the heap. 'Come say hello.' She wriggled one of her hands free, and pointed a claw towards all the elderly heads (Sissix's feathers were by far the brightest of the bunch). 'This is Issash, Ethra, Rixsik, Ithren, Kirix, Shaas, Trikesh, Raasek and – and a few I don't know.' She laughed and switched to Reskitkish, addressing the old woman hugging her the closest. 'You've added some faces since I was last here.' The old woman – Issash, Rosemary thought, though she knew she'd never be able to keep them all straight – said, 'We stole a couple of them from the Sariset family at a frolic last winter.' She leaned toward Sissix conspiratorially. 'It's because everybody knows I'm the best-looking elder in the region.' The other Aandrisks laughed. One of them tugged her feathers. She grinned with mock arrogance. Sissix laughed and nuzzled Issash's cheek. 'I've missed you so much,' she said. One of the male elders wiggled his way free of the pile. His eyes were sharp, but his feathers drooped with age and his scales were dull. Rosemary got the impression that he was very old. 'I'd ask you to join us,' he said with a smile. 'But I know that's not your way.' He reached out his hand to shake Ashby's. 'Ashby, how are you? I am glad to see you again.' Ashby cleared his throat and answered as best he could. 'Glad to see you, Ishren. Thank you for the . . . for being . . . welcome.' Ishren's smile grew wider and he touched Ashby's forearm. 'Your Reskitkish is very good,' he said. 'Not very,' Ashby said. 'I speak less than . . . than I know. Than I know to hear.' He spoke in Klip: 'No, hang on . . .' Ishren laughed. 'You understand more than you can say. See? I can understand you just fine.' He patted Ashby's arm, and turned to Rosemary. 'Do you speak Reskitkish?' he asked as he shook her hand. Rosemary shook her head apologetically. He pointed at her hud. 'But you understand?' She started to nod, but then remembered the curved gesture Sissix had shown her down by the creek, hand speak for yes. Ishren was delighted. 'See, you are learning fast. And I am like Ashby. I understand Klip, but I am not confident in speaking it. So as long as you are wearing your hud, we can each speak what we're comfortable with and understand the other just fine.' He put one of his hands on Rosemary's shoulder, and did the same to Ashby. 'I enjoy seeing Humans here. When I was a little younger than Sissix, I crewed aboard an Aeluon cargo carrier. Aeluon-run, that is. It was a multispecies crew, like yours. We even had a Laru woman, believe it or not. Damned clever species, the Laru, never saw anyone who could play tikkit like her. But – ah, what was I saying?' 'I don't know,' Ashby said, giving the Reskitkish another try. 'About Humans?' 'Ah, yes, yes. I'll never forget the day when we learned Humans had been accepted into the GC as a member species. We were at the Muriat Marketplace – have you ever been there?' 'Sometimes,' Ashby said. 'Is there still a bar there called [Hanto: The Fully-Stocked Cupboard]?' 'Don't know.' 'Oh, I hope it's still there. Best sugarsnaps in the GC, no question. I've never found another bartender who can get them that tart. But anyway. Yes, Humans joining the GC. I was at an algae depot – no, no, it was a tech shop, yes, a tech shop. There was a Human man working there. His job was to clean used parts meant for resale. Mindless work, and hard, too. Not a good job for a species with soft hands. You could tell by his clothes that he didn't get paid much. His boss was out, so he was helping me find – oh, whatever it was I needed. There was a news feed on a little projector at his work desk, and suddenly, there it was. Humans in the GC. The man went quiet. And then he did something I'd never seen before: he started crying. Now, I didn't know that crying was something that Humans did, so I was a little afraid. Do you know how disturbing it is to see someone's eyes start leaking? Ha! And poor man, he's trying to explain crying to me while going through all of those emotions. I'll never forget what he said to me. He said, "This means we matter. We're worth something." And I said, "Of course you're worth something. Everyone is worth something." And he said, "But now I know the galaxy thinks so, too."' Ishren squeezed their shoulders and looked between them. 'And now, you have ships of your own, and you go out into the open like we Aandrisks do. And to the Core! I must admit, I am jealous of your journey. What a lucky thing that is.' He smiled. 'I hope I don't sound patronising, but thinking back on that man, seeing you here makes me think on how far your species has come. That makes me very happy. Oh! I just remembered! Are you hungry? I know that Humans have to eat more than we do, so Rixsik and I spent last night preparing plenty of extra food for the [noun, no analogue available; a table where communal food is offered throughout the day].' 'That's kind. Very kind,' Ashby said. 'I wish – I hope it were not . . . difficult.' 'Not at all,' Ishren said. 'We are all looking forward to see how much you can eat.' He grinned and pointed off to the side. 'I think they are, too.' Behind a stack of empty crates, a pack of hatchlings had gathered, watching the adults with intense curiosity. They were hanging back, as if waiting to be invited. Rosemary realised that might actually be the case. Perhaps they knew not to butt in when adults were socialising. That would make sense, among a species where children did not need help learning basic survival skills. In a Human gathering, adults wouldn't think twice about dropping a conversation the moment a child needed something, even if it was simply attention. But here, the hatchlings seemed to know that adult activities took precedence, and that if they wanted to join in, they'd have to figure out the rules. So instead of tugging at sleeves and showing off, they observed the goings-on of adults from the sidelines, trying to puzzle it all out. They were learning how to be people. Rosemary saw Teshris among them, her little arms wrapped round a hatchling of similar size and features. Eskat, presumably, Sissix's other – Rosemary stopped herself before thinking the word child. Offspring? Progeny? All the words granted too much of a connotation of those hatchlings belonging to Sissix, which they clearly did not, or at least, not in a Human way. Perhaps it was enough to say that Teshris and Eskat shared an egg mother, who happened to be Sissix. Her attention swayed back to the cuddle heap, which was beginning to disintegrate. Three of the elders – ones Sissix had not known the names of – were heading back to the house. A few stayed with Sissix, still touching, but their energy was waning. Issash, however, continued to hug Sissix as tightly as she had at the start. Two of Sissix's other hatch parents, apparently overcome by all the affection, had left the group for a nearby bench. There could be no doubt that they had moved on to actual foreplay, and in one brief, unexpected moment, all of Rosemary's idle curiosities about what a male Aandrisk kept inside the slit between his legs were answered. 'Come,' Ishren said, leading Rosemary and Ashby towards the homestead. 'Let's take care of you two. And you know, you don't have to wear clothes here, unless you want to. I know it's your way, but we want you to be comfortable.' 'Thank you,' Rosemary said in Klip. She did her best to avert her gaze from the Aandrisk elders on the bench, who were now coupling with gusto. 'I think I'll keep them on for now.' The way the day progressed, Rosemary felt sorry for the techs, crowded into some concert pit with greasy food and overpriced kick. Her own afternoon was spent lying on floor cushions, drinking grass wine and eating strange, delicious nibbles from the communal table (the elders had little frame of reference for how much Humans needed to eat, and had provided enough food for ten of them). She listened as Sissix's family caught their hatch daughter up on the daily dramas of friends and relatives. Everything about the gathering was intriguing, from the unfamiliar food, to the obsessive level of detail given to local gossip, to the unending physical affection lavished upon Sissix. In many ways, Rosemary felt like the hatchlings, peeking through the windows and slipping in to fill bowls with snacks. She, too, was content to watch and learn. But by evening, Rosemary had grown a little restless. She had eaten herself sluggish, thanks to Ishren's urgings, and the effect of the wine had shifted from 'pleasantly relaxed' to 'mild headache.' Her legs were stiff from lying around, and her brain felt like goo after several hours of listening to conversations in an unfamiliar language. Shortly after the sun went down, she excused herself and went outside for some air. Theth dominated the desert sky, hanging close enough for her to imagine that she could reach out and brush its rings with her fingertips. Without the haze of city lights, shimmering colours shone down unhindered – the glow of neighbouring moons, the murky purple gauze of the galactic cloud, and all in between, nothing but stars, stars, stars. She lived up there, in that vast expanse of colour. Every day, she saw planets and comets and stellar nurseries right up close, plain as weather. Yet, there was something about being planetside that made it feel different. Perhaps stars were supposed to be viewed from the ground. She glanced inside at Sissix, surrounded by a throng of feathered heads. She looked back to the sky, guiltily entertaining the idea of everyone but Sissix disappearing for a while. She imagined Sissix coming outside, handing her another glass of wine, putting her arm round her shoulder, teaching her the names of constellations. It was a silly, selfish thought, she knew, but she indulged it all the same. A short while later, Ashby stepped out of the doorway, carrying a heat blanket. 'Thought you might be cold.' 'I am a bit, thanks.' She took the blanket and pulled it round her shoulders. A soft warmth spread like sunlight through her clothes. 'Oh. Mmm.' 'Pretty great, right?' 'Why do I not have one of these?' Ashby laughed. 'I bought one a few years back, right after I made that same face you're making. I'm sure we can get one before we leave.' 'Yes, please.' 'The elders couldn't believe you'd need a blanket.' 'Why – ah. Because I'm warm-blooded. Right.' She laughed. 'Everything okay?' 'Oh, yeah, absolutely. I just needed a little fresh air.' 'Yeah, I know, these things can be a bit much after a while. But you have had a good time?' 'I've had a great time. I'm really glad I came.' 'Good. Tell Sissix that, too, it'll make her happy.' Rosemary smiled, but thought again of the several hours she'd spent watching Sissix being petted and pampered by a loving family. How cold and rigid life on the Wayfarer was in comparison. Sissix deserved better than that. Ashby cocked his head at her. 'What is it?' 'I don't know if I can put it into words. It's just . . .' She thought. 'How does she do it?' 'Do what?' 'Get by without a feather family.' 'Sissix has a feather family.' Rosemary blinked. A long-distance relationship with a feather family? Given the closeness she'd just witnessed, she couldn't see how that would work. 'She's never said anything about them.' Ashby smirked. 'When you have a minute in private, pull up her ID file. As ship's clerk, you should have access to it.' Late that night, curled up in her guest room, Rosemary did just that. ID #: 7789-0045-268 GC Designated Name: Sissix Seshkethet Emergency contact: Ashby Santoso Next of kin: Issash Seshkethet (GC designated) Local name (if applicable): oshet-Seshkethet esk-Saskist as-Eshresh Sissix isket-Veshkriset Rosemary chewed her lip as she studied the words on her scrib. Seshkethet was obvious. Saskist was Sissix's mother, and Eshresh sounded like a name, which meant he was probably her father. Veshkriset, however, was unfamiliar. She pulled up the official Aandrisk family database. Somewhere out there, there was a team of archivists whose sole purpose was to follow Aandrisk family drama and track the changes accordingly. She felt exhausted just thinking about it. The letters on the screen shifted as her scrib translated the text into Klip. Please choose a family name, it read. 'Veshkriset,' she said, hoping the database could understand her poor accent. A listing popped up. Rosemary's brow furrowed. The Veshkriset feather family had only one member. Sissix. She leaned back into the nest of blankets. Sissix was in a feather family by herself? That didn't make any sense. Sissix was the walking definition of gregariousness, and Aandrisks didn't view loners kindly. Declaring yourself the sole member of a feather family would be an act of defiance, a signal that you didn't want anything to do with other Aandrisks. Rosemary remembered how Sissix had reacted to the old woman back on Port Coriol, how she had dropped everything to give a stranger a few moments of company. Being alone and untouched . . . there's no punishment worse than that. No, it didn't fit at all. She looked out the window. A thought flickered by. The database was Aandrisk made, and from what Sissix had said, its most practical purpose was to prevent inbreeding. If that was the case, would other species appear on the list? 'Scrib, translate,' she said. 'Specify language path,' the scrib said. 'Reskitkish to Klip.' 'Reskitkish to Kliptorigan confirmed. Please speak the word or phrase you want to translate. If you cannot pronounce it—' 'Veshkriset.' A brief pause. 'No definitive match found. Would you like a linguistic analysis to help determine possible matches?' 'Yes.' 'The suffix -et implies a proper noun. This suffix is commonly used to denote an Aandrisk family group. Do you wish to search the Aandrisk family data—' 'No,' Rosemary said. She thought. 'Remove the suffix from the search phrase, and search again.' Another pause. 'Veshkrisk. Noun. A person on a journey. Traveller. Wanderer.' Wayfarer. Sissix propped her chin up on her fist, watching Hashkath get smaller and smaller through the window in her quarters. Somewhere down there, her hatch family was laughing, coupling, fighting, cooking, cleaning, feeding the hatchlings. Her skin was still shining from Kirix's home-made scale scrub. The palm-sized snapfruit tarts Issash had sent back with her were still just a little bit warm in the centre. She didn't want to leave. She loved the Wayfarer, and she loved the people aboard it (mostly), but she always forgot how hard it was being away from other Aandrisks until she had spent time back home. It was more than just missing the smell of the desert grass or being able to fall back into Reskitkish. It was that people there understood. As dear as her crewmates were, constantly having to explain cultural differences, to bite back a friendly remark that might offend alien ears, to hold her hands still when she wanted to touch someone – it all grew tiring. And while visiting home was a welcome salve for her homesickness, the thing she always, always forgot was that for a short while after leaving Hashkath again, being away was even harder. It was as if she'd stuck a knife into herself when she'd first left home – nowhere vital, just her thigh, or perhaps a forearm. The longer she stayed away, the more the wound healed, until she often forgot it was there. Returning always pulled the scab right off. Still, perhaps it was better that way. If she stopped caring about her hatch family, being away wouldn't hurt, but cutting those ties was unimaginable. Besides, without leaving, she never would've met all the friends she'd made elsewhere. Perhaps the ache of homesickness was a fair price to pay for having so many good people in her life. Someone knocked on the door. 'Come in,' she called. There, another thing to go on the list of alien annoyances: The assumption of locked doors. It had been so nice to be without that feeling for a day. Rosemary walked in, carrying a bottle of wine and two cups. Something about her scent was different. She had taken a shower recently, but there was something else there, something subtle that Sissix couldn't quite pinpoint. She'd noticed it before, though in a less prominent way. It reminded her, inexplicably, of being in a bar. Maybe it was just the wine. Unravelling smells within the sealed walls of the ship was always more difficult after becoming acclimated to planetside air. It was the difference between locating objects spread out across a table, and digging for them within a crowded box. 'I hope I'm not disturbing,' Rosemary said. Privacy. That was going on the list, too. 'No, no, I would love some company. And a drink, since I think that's what you're offering.' She glanced down at herself, then at her trousers crumpled on the floor. Self-consciousness. Modesty. Screw it. Rosemary had just seen her and her whole hatch family naked. She'd even been a good sport about a hatchling grabbing her breasts. She doubted that Rosemary was bothered any more by having a clear view of someone's genitals. Rosemary poured the wine. They sat on the floor, falling into an easy chat about nothing of importance. It wasn't until they were each working on their second cup that Rosemary said: 'May I ask you a personal question?' Sissix laughed. 'I will never understand why you people ask that.' Rosemary ran her finger round the rim of her cup, looking a little embarrassed. Sissix thought perhaps she should have refrained from the comment about the personal question question, but honestly. Humans wasted so much time by being redundant. The Human woman cleared her throat. 'I found out that we're – the crew, that is – is your feather family.' Had she not told Rosemary that? Maybe not. It wasn't the sort of thing that came up often. 'Ashby told you?' 'No, he implied. I figured out the rest myself.' She took a sip of wine. 'I know there are a lot of complicated rules for feather families, and I don't pretend to know any of them, but I was wondering how you . . . how you categorise crew members that you didn't choose for yourself. I mean, the people who are only here because it's their job.' 'You mean Corbin? Yeah, that's complicated. But in feather families, getting stuck with a member you don't like happens all the time. You just recognise that somebody else in your family needs them and you stay out of their way. It's like Ashby and Corbin. Ashby needs Corbin. Doesn't matter to me that he needs him in a business sense, rather than a family sense. Ashby is my family, without a shadow of a doubt. Therefore, Corbin falls within my feather family.' She grinned over the edge of her cup. 'Though I certainly wouldn't object if he found a new family elsewhere.' Rosemary nodded. 'Makes sense. Though I wasn't asking about Corbin.' 'Oh?' Rosemary was quiet. Sissix had watched Human faces for long enough to know that Rosemary was either searching for the right words, or for the courage to say them. Sissix was silently grateful for how much time was saved by hand speak. At last, Rosemary spoke. 'I was asking about me.' The irritation Sissix had been nursing toward Rosemary's entire species weakened. She smiled and took Rosemary's hand. 'If it were my call, I'd take you in again. You should know by now that I like having you in my family.' Rosemary squeezed her fingers. She smiled, but there was something else there, too – fear, perhaps? What could she possibly be afraid of? Rosemary withdrew her hand and topped up their cups, giving the last few drops to Sissix. 'After seeing you with your family, your hatch family, I mean – well, I wondered if maybe it isn't enough for you here. We must make life awfully hard.' 'Being away from Aandrisks can be hard. And I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't feeling kicked in the guts right now. But I'm here by choice. I love this ship. I love our crew. I have a good life. I wouldn't change it.' Rosemary's eyes swung up, looking through her dark lashes. There was a different look in them now, something strong, grounded. 'But no one touches you.' Sissix almost choked on her wine as she realised what was going on. All this time with Humans, and still there were things that didn't occur to her until after the fact. The details rushed at her at once. The look in Rosemary's eyes. The wine. The shy pauses that shifted into a low-voiced directness. Her clothes – oh, stars, Rosemary had changed her clothes since they'd got back to the ship. Humans read meanings into different kinds of clothes, but it was a complicated business, and Sissix had never got the hang of it. Rosemary was wearing a pair of soft, flowing trousers and a pale yellow top held up by a criss-cross of strings – casual, Sissix thought, but festive, the sort of thing one of Kizzy's friends might wear to a party on a hot summer night. The top of the shirt dipped down below Rosemary's usual collar line, showing the upper curves of her breasts. And her hair. She'd done . . . something to it. Sissix couldn't say what, exactly, but effort had been made there. And with having had time for her nose to parse Rosemary's intricacies, she knew now that the change in her scent had nothing do with wine, or soap, or clean clothes. It wasn't anything from an external source. It was hormones. Sissix had seen Human vids. She'd seen how Kizzy fussed over herself before going out to dock bars. She'd seen Ashby staring at himself in reflective surfaces before he met Pei, absently nudging at his hair or trimming the scruff on his face. Rosemary had come to her quarters in pretty clothes, with wine and kind words and hair that had had something done to it. This was a Human's elaborate way of asking something that an Aandrisk could ask with nothing more than a slight flick of her fingers. Rosemary continued to speak. 'Sissix, I don't have any feathers I can give you. I wish I did. You made me feel welcome when I first set foot on this ship. And since then, the kindness you've shown – not just to me, but to everyone – has meant more than I can say. You go out of your way to make everybody aboard this ship comfortable, to show us affection in the way that we expect it. I don't pretend to know Aandrisks as well as you know Humans, but there are some things I understand. I understand that we're your family, and that for you, not being able to touch us means there's a vital piece missing. I think that feeling hurts you, and I think you've buried it deep. I saw the look on your face when your family held you. You may love the Wayfarer, but life here is incomplete.' She pressed her lips together. They came back wet. 'I don't know how you see me, but – but I want you to know that if you should want something more . . . I'd like to give it to you.' Sissix cupped her palm, flipped it and spread her claws, even though she knew Rosemary would not understand the gesture. Tresha. It was the thankful, humble, vulnerable feeling that came after someone saw a truth in you, something they had discovered just by watching, something that you did not admit often to yourself. If Rosemary had been an Aandrisk, Sissix would've knocked the cups aside and started coupling right then and there, but she remained cautious. Apparently the part of her that understood Humans was still at the helm. 'Rosemary,' Sissix said, taking her hand. She was so warm. Other species always were, she could feel it just standing by them, but it was all the more present now. She had sometimes wondered what it would be like to have that warmth pressing against – no, no, she was not thinking about that. Not yet. She had to be smart. She had to be careful. After all, Humans reacted differently to coupling than she did. Didn't their brains get overloaded with chemicals afterwards, way more than normal people? Aandrisks bonded through coupling, too, but Humans – Humans could get crazy over it. How else could you explain a sapient species that had overpopulated itself to the point of environmental collapse? This was a people that had coupled themselves stupid. 'I'm . . . I'm grateful,' Sissix said at last. What a horrible, hollow way to describe how she was feeling. Tresha. That was the right explanation, but there was no word for it in Klip. Useless language. Rosemary's face fell slightly, as if she had been expecting Sissix to knock aside the cups. Dammit, why hadn't this been covered in interspecies sensitivity courses? 'Are you . . .' Think, Sissix, think. 'Are you saying me this because you feel sorry for me, or is it . . . something you want?' Ugh. Klip was always too practical or too emotional. Never a middle ground. Useless, useless language. Rosemary took a sip of wine and contemplated her cup. 'Well, I am attracted to you. You're a wonderful person, and a very good friend. I'm not sure when I started feeling more than that for you. Which isn't a problem, by the way, if your answer is no. I do like being your friend, and I'll be happy if that's all we are.' She took another sip. 'But, to be honest, I probably wouldn't have said anything about it if I hadn't seen your hatch family. My own feelings aside, you need something like that, and not just when you happen upon other Aandrisks.' Her eyes swung back up again, dark and honest. 'If not from me, then from someone. You deserve it.' Just say yes, a little voice inside Sissix begged. Say yes, Sissix, she's right – 'Rosemary . . . I want to say yes. I do.' She thought back to the shy new clerk who had come aboard less than a standard ago. Who was this woman with the serious eyes, the woman who spoke her mind so bravely? What had she discovered out here in the open? Sissix took a breath. 'But I don't want to hurt you. Coupling's different for us, I think. I'm flattered that you want to give me something I need, but I don't know if I can give you what you need.' Rosemary gave a little smirk, the same kind Jenks gave Kizzy when she'd said something absurd. 'Sissix, I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not in love with you. I like you. I like who you are and how you are, and I like the way your feathers fall across the curve of your head. I understand that you don't limit yourself to one person. I understand that our notions of family are different, and that they probably won't fit together down the road. But I'd like to be part of your notion for a while, all the same.' Curiosity. Now there was a concept Sissix understood. 'I think I'd like that, too,' Sissix said. The warning voice within her was dying, but it wasn't about to go out without a fight. 'But there are things you need to understand.' 'All right,' Rosemary said. There was a brightness in her eyes, a hopefulness. Sissix found herself melting. This could be a very lovely thing. 'Family members, as I'm sure you noticed, aren't just about sex. We cuddle and touch and hold each other all the time. If coupling is too much to ask, if it were to—' What was the proper way to say overload your crazy mammal brain? '—to make you feel uncomfortable, or to make you want more from me than I can give you, I would also be okay with just being close. Like you saw with my family. Even that would be enough.' It'd be a big improvement from the current status quo, for sure. Rosemary nodded. 'I'll keep that option in mind. But I don't think there will be a problem.' 'And we don't have to act that way around the others, if that would make you more comfortable. We don't even have to tell them.' Sissix didn't care about the others finding out, but if Rosemary could make cultural concessions out of kindness, she could return the favour. Rosemary considered this, and nodded. 'I think that might be better, at least to start,' she said. Sissix paused. The next thing, she knew, was not an idea most Humans took to with ease. 'If we were planetside, and I met other Aandrisks—' 'I wouldn't mind you going to a tet,' Rosemary said. 'Just don't expect me to come along.' 'It wouldn't be because they were more important than you,' Sissix said quickly. 'Or because I liked being with Aandrisks better—' 'Sissix,' Rosemary said. She squeezed Sissix's hand, and did something that no one had ever done before. She raised Sissix's fingers to her mouth and pressed her lips against the knuckles, just once, letting them linger for a moment. Sissix had been given kisses before, from Kizzy and Jenks and Ashby – fast, dry brushes against her cheek. This was different. It was slower, softer. It was an odd feeling, a soft feeling. She liked it. Rosemary pulled her lips back and smiled. 'I get it.' Stars, she really did. 'There's one more thing,' Sissix said. She noticed that her voice had sunk lower. Something else was piloting her brain now, the part of her who was no stranger to tets and couplings, the part of her who was shouting with joy that finally, at last, someone in her family understood. She met Rosemary's eyes and gave an embarrassed laugh. 'I've never coupled with a Human.' Rosemary grinned. 'That's good,' she said. She leaned in, running a smooth fingertip along the length of one of Sissix's feathers. 'I'd hate for you to have an unfair advantage.' Day 45, GC Standard 307 OCTOBER 25 'So,' Ashby said. 'Can you fix it?' Jenks inspected the exposed insides of Ashby's scrib with the attention of a surgeon. 'I can tweak it,' he said. 'But it won't be a permanent fix. You need a new pixel array. Easy enough for me to hook up, but I don't have one on hand.' 'But you can get it to stop hopping between feeds?' 'Yeah. The picture might start to degrade after a couple tendays, but it won't – Wait. Uh oh.' Jenks paused. 'You hear that?' Ashby listened. Raised voices down the hall, coming from the algae bay. He sighed. 'Not again.' Jenks rolled his eyes. 'I swear, they'd save so much time if one of them just spaced the other already.' They followed the voices, which was easy enough to do. Pieces of the argument made their way to his ears as they got closer. '—absolutely incompetent—' That was Corbin. '—weren't such a pain in the ass—' Sissix. '—no regard for my work here—' '—just communicate like a fucking functional adult, then maybe—' 'I did communicate, it's just that your thick lizard ears won't—' Dammit, Corbin! Ashby quickened his step. 'Hisk! Ahsshek tes hska essh—' 'Oh, yes, hiss all you want, it still doesn't change the fact that I'm—' 'Enough,' Ashby said, entering the room. Jenks hung back in the doorway, far away enough to be polite, but close enough to get a good view. 'Ashby,' Sissix said, feathers on end. 'You tell this pompous, speciest asshole that—' 'I said that's enough.' Ashby glared at them both. 'Now, I want to know what this is all about.' Corbin and Sissix began yelling in tandem. Ashby put up his hands. 'One at a time.' 'Your pilot,' Corbin said, in the same tone that an angry father might say your child to his partner, 'pushed the induction lines past capacity. It put too much strain on one of my pressure caps, and now look.' Ashby looked to the fuel distributor. He couldn't see the problem, but the green goo in a small number of tubes was lying still. 'I had no idea that he had swapped out the cap for a lesser model.' Sissix shot Corbin a murderous look. 'And I still don't understand why he did it at all.' 'I swapped it out because it was the only part I had on hand. In case you haven't noticed, we haven't had any market stops in a while. It was either make do with a lesser model or replace the entire apparatus. Which is what I'll have to do anyway, thanks to you.' 'Yes, it's my fault, because you actually bothered to tell me about any of this. Oh, no, wait, you didn't.' 'I brought this up in the kitchen day before yesterday.' 'You weren't talking to me! You were bitching about your lab to Dr Chef! How the fuck was I supposed to know that it had anything to do with my ability to fly the—' 'In other words, you chose to ignore me. Perhaps if you'd pay a little more attention to the needs of others instead of acting so self-involved, then—' 'Stop,' Ashby said. He took a deep breath. 'Let me make sure I'm hearing this correctly. This argument, which we could hear coming down the stairs, is all because of a minor incident involving a damaged pressure cap.' 'It's hardly minor, this is going to take me all day to—' 'It's minor,' Ashby repeated. 'You lost one apparatus out of six. Fuel is still pumping, right?' Corbin scowled. 'Yes. But it's a matter of—' 'Okay. So, in the future, you—' he pointed at Corbin '—need to tell Sissix about any equipment changes you make, because you cannot expect her to be psychically aware of what goes on in this lab. And you do not use that word aboard my ship, do you understand? Not to Sissix, not to anyone else. It is completely unacceptable. You apologise to her right now.' 'I didn't—' 'Right. Now.' Corbin's face went even redder. 'I'm . . . sorry,' he said to Sissix. His voice was tight as a sealing band. 'And you –' Ashby jabbed a finger at Sissix – 'need to go way easier when making speed jumps, because there's no way that cap should've burned out that fast.' 'We're running behind,' Sissix said. 'If we don't—' 'I don't care if we're a tenday late. I don't care if we're a standard late. I am not going adrift out here, not when we've come this far. Be more careful.' He stared them both down. 'I am only going to say this one more time. Get over whatever this pissing match is between the two of you. It is driving me crazy. It is driving the rest of your crew crazy. I know this has been a long haul, and I know we're all tired, but I'll be damned if I'm going to fly the rest of the way to the Core listening to you two scream at each other. Work it out. If you can't, fake it. I do not want to have this conversation—' The vox snapped on. 'Hey, Ashby.' It was Kizzy. 'Um, so, I kind of need you for something.' 'Can it wait?' 'Well, um, not so much, no, but maybe I could tell him—' 'Tell who what?' There was a shuffling sound. Rosemary's voice replaced Kizzy's. 'Ashby, we've got a Quelin enforcer on hold up here.' He could hear Kizzy talking in the background. 'Do you think I made him mad? I can't tell, 'cause their faces don't move.' Ashby sighed and closed his eyes. 'Lovey, transfer the call down here.' Corbin stepped aside as Ashby took a seat at his desk. The pixels leapt into place. A male Quelin stared back, his armoured face inscrutable, his black eyes shining. 'This is Captain Ashby Santoso. How can I help you?' 'This is Enforcer Bevel of the Interstellar Defence Bureau. As is stated in Section 36-28 of the Border Security Amendment, you are subject to a full search of your vessel and an inspection of all crew members.' 'We were already scanned when we entered Quelin space. Have we done anything wrong?' 'This is a random search. The Interstellar Defence Bureau has the right to search any and all vessels at our discretion, regardless of probable cause.' 'I trust that my clerk has sent you our tunnelling licence and flight plan?' 'We have received the required materials, and your right to travel within our space has been confirmed.' 'Not to be difficult, but we're on a tight schedule. Do I have the right to refuse this search?' 'Refusal will result in possible impounding of your vessel and incarceration of all persons aboard. Failure to comply with inspection officers is a violation of our GC membership agreement and is subject to prosecution under Executive Order 226-09.' 'I guess we'll look forward to seeing you on board, then.' 'Prepare to be boarded in ten minutes,' said Officer Bevel. The pixels scattered as the call ended. 'What a charming guy,' Jenks said. 'Bet he's great fun at parties.' 'Only if he has the proper formwork for it,' Ashby said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 'Pain in the ass.' The freight elevator doors clanked open. Rosemary and Kizzy hopped out. 'Is everything okay?' Kizzy said. 'Did I get us in trouble? I really shouldn't answer calls ever, I get all stupid—' 'Nobody's in trouble, but we have to let them do another search.' 'Why?' 'Because they said so, and because they're Quelin, and because they're really not the sort of people I want to piss off.' 'I hear on-board searches are a real pain,' Sissix said. 'We were fine on our last search.' 'Yeah, but that was just a basic scan for weapons and illegal tech. Trust me, they'll search everything. And I hear they do blood screenings, too.' 'Why blood screenings?' Rosemary asked. Jenks sighed. 'Because of that asshole with explosive bots in his blood, I'll bet. Remember that? That dumb speciest kid a few standards back, tried to prove a point during a border search? Didn't even program them right. All he did was blow his own head off.' 'Funny how it's always the speciests who ruin things for everybody else,' Sissix said. Corbin scoffed, but Sissix headed for the door before he could say anything further. 'I'll go get Ohan.' Ashby's eyes shifted between Kizzy and Jenks. 'Do you two have anything stashed away that might make them freak out? Anything?' Jenks thought hard. 'Don't think so.' 'Nah,' said Kizzy. 'We drank the last of Bear's home-brew kick last tenday.' She paused. Her hands shot up to her mouth. 'Oh, ass!' 'What?' Ashby said. She slid her hands up to the top of her head and twisted her hair. 'I have a bag of smash in with my socks.' 'Good thing you thought of it now. Go toss it in the engine.' 'But . . .' Kizzy's shoulders sagged. 'You can't get smash out here. I've been saving it for a special occasion.' Ashby frowned. He was not in the mood for Kizzy reasoning. 'This isn't a debate. Toss it in the engine. Now.' 'Come on, Kiz,' Jenks said. He took her by the wrist and led her back to the freight elevator. 'Let's go do this awful thing.' 'I hate the Quelin,' she said. 'They're stupid and jerks and nobody likes them.' She lowered her voice surreptitiously as they entered the elevator. 'If we smoked it now really fast, do you think they'd notice?' 'I can still hear you, Kizzy,' Ashby said. She pouted. 'Can't blame me for trying,' she said as the doors closed. Rosemary had seen vids of Quelin before, but even so, she was unprepared for the things that came clattering through the cargo bay doors. She tried to think of a more eloquent descriptor for them, but all she kept coming up with was lobster centaur. Chitinous blue exoskeletons, long horizontal abdomens, segmented torsos covered in jointed limbs, all topped with a mask-like face. Their shells were branded with symbols, studded with polished stones. She knew better than to judge a species by appearances, but between their knobbly looks and the call she'd witnessed earlier, she wasn't warming up to them. The rest of the crew looked uneasy as well, which made her feel a little better. It was common knowledge that Quelin were typically xenophobic, and it was rare to see them anywhere other than in their own space. Their inclusion in the GC was an arrangement of convenience, or so Rosemary had read. The Quelin had huge caches of natural resources at their disposal, and had been originally brought into the GC by the Harmagians, who had plenty of money and fancy tech to offer in exchange. Not that the Quelin and the Harmagians actually liked each other. It was funny how the potential for profit always seemed to trump antipathy. Six Quelin entered the cargo bay, headed by the one from the sib call, Enforcer Bevel. He doled out commands to his inferiors (or so Rosemary assumed, since she didn't speak Tellerain). Four of them left the bay, scanning devices beeping, pointed legs clicking against the metal floor. 'Line up and prepare to be scanned,' Enforcer Bevel said. So much for introductions. The crew did as they were told. Rosemary ended up beside Sissix. They exchanged a glance. Sissix rolled her eyes and gave her head an irritated shake. Bevel pointed a leg toward Ohan. 'What's wrong with them?' Rosemary glanced over. Ohan was shaking. Not violently so, but enough to see from a distance. 'They're old and ill,' Dr Chef said. 'Nothing contagious. They have a degenerative nerve condition that makes it difficult for them to stand for an extended period of time.' Bevel's eyes were fixed on Ohan, but without eyelids or facial muscles, it was impossible to know what the Quelin was thinking. 'They may sit.' 'Thank you,' Ohan said with a nod. They sank to the floor, trying to be as poised as possible. It seemed the Quelin could be reasonable after all. Bevel shifted his gaze to Dr Chef. 'We will need to review their medical records in order to confirm your claim.' Okay, maybe not. The other Quelin pulled a device from a bag hanging from her side. 'We will now scan your blood, haemolymph, or other primary genetic fluid for contaminants, pathogens, illegal nanobots and any other banned or dangerous substances. If you are aware of carrying any such things, let us know at this time.' She paused for a reply. No one spoke. 'I will now begin the scan.' She walked over to Jenks, at the far end of the line. She stared for a few seconds. 'You are unusually small.' 'And you have a shitload of legs,' Jenks said, holding out his hand. The Quelin said nothing. She pressed the scanner against Jenks's palm. There was a mechanical click. Rosemary heard Jenks suck air through his teeth. The Quelin studied the scanner. Apparently satisfied, she moved on to Ashby. Jenks examined his palm. 'What, no bandage, or . . . ? No? Okay. Thanks.' The Quelin worked her way down the line. Rosemary stuck out her hand dutifully when her time came. The jab of the scanner was unpleasant, but nothing to fuss over. Even though she knew there was nothing of interest in her blood, she couldn't help but sigh with relief when the Quelin passed her by. Something about these sapients made her feel awfully tense. Even though Rosemary couldn't read the Quelin's face, something about her changed when she scanned Corbin. Enforcer Bevel clearly saw it, too, as he beelined right for her. He looked at the scanner, and there was a brief flurry of unintelligible discussion between them. 'Artis Corbin,' Enforcer Bevel said. 'Under section 17-6-4 of the Defence of Genetic Integrity Agreement, I am placing you under arrest.' 'What?!' cried Corbin. The other Quelin was already upon him, binding his hands with some sort of energy cord and pushing him towards the door. 'I – I haven't done anything!' Ashby rushed forward. 'Enforcer, what's—' Enforcer Bevel stopped him. 'You all need to be questioned. We will hold you here. Interrogations will take place in an area of our choosing once we have completed our search of your vessel,' the Enforcer said. 'Under section 35-2 of the Punitive Regulations Act, any request made for legal advice will be denied.' 'I'm sorry, what?' Ashby said. 'The hell is going on?' Rosemary tried to stay calm. None of them had done anything, not to her knowledge, and if the Quelin hadn't figured out about her doctored ID file by now, she doubted they would at all. And as for Corbin, she couldn't think of anyone less likely to break the law. This had to be a misunderstanding. 'You are not under arrest,' Bevel said. 'Nor are any charges being made against you at this time. Failure to comply in full with your interrogation officer will result in imprisonment.' Jenks glared. 'The captain asked you a question. What did we do?' 'Jenks, don't,' said Dr Chef. The other Quelin marched Corbin off the ship. 'Ashby!' he cried. His feet dragged, but the Quelin pushed him forward. 'Ashby, I didn't—' 'I know, Corbin,' Ashby said. 'We'll get this sorted out.' He turned back to Bevel, fuming. Rosemary had never seen him so angry. 'Where are you taking him? What did he do?' Enforcer Bevel looked at Ashby with his flat black eyes. 'He exists.' They scanned his wristpatch, and took his clothes. He had yelled himself raw, but none of them would speak to him. None of them were even speaking in Klip. Their words clicked. Their eyes clicked. Their feet clicked when they hit the floor. It was like being in a metal insect hive – dark, hot, humid, and always clicking, clicking, clicking. He didn't know how far he was from the Wayfarer. They'd moved him onto a different ship. Or maybe an orbiter? He couldn't say. There hadn't been any windows or viewscreens (not that he'd seen, anyway). They'd shoved him into an enormous room, the size of a cargo carrier's belly. The floor was pockmarked with smooth, deep pits, twice as deep as he was tall. If he squinted hard enough, he could see the glitter of eyes staring back at him from within their depths. He tried to cover himself. The Quelin wore no clothes themselves, but then, they had shells. They didn't need to be covered. They weren't made of soft flesh and hair and lines and creases and misshapen folds you'd rather keep to yourself. He wished he had a shell. He wished that he'd been born to a species with spikes or horns or anything more imposing than the fragile sack that he was. He wished the Quelin could be the ones who were afraid. They nudged him roughly towards an empty pit. 'No,' he said, trying to force the tremble out of his voice. 'Not until you've told me what I've done. I'm a GC citizen, and I have my—' Within seconds, he wished he'd said nothing. One of the Quelin grabbed him with its upper limbs, pinning him face-out against its plated torso. Segmented limbs closed round his body, like a wirey cage. The other Quelin lowered its face to the floor, flattening itself into a plank. Corbin hadn't noticed how thick the plating was at the top of their heads. A curved, blackish-blue dome, worn smooth and thick with old scratches. The Quelin charged him. The domed head rammed into his chest. Pain burst through him. He choked on his own breath, flecking the Quelin's domed head with spit. The Quelin did not seem to care. The thing backed up, and ran forward again. Oh, no, please, not— He heard his ribs crack before he registered the pain. He heard himself cry out before he realised who it was. He sagged against the Quelin's legs, but it held him upright. The second Quelin charged again. The Quelin holding him must have let him go at some point, because he found himself on the floor, retching and shaking. He could feel the fractured ribs stab every time his stomach heaved. Low moans escaped from his mouth, but were cut short as his lungs fought for air. They shoved him into the pit. He tumbled down the cold metal. His face hit the floor first. He felt blood spurt from his nose as it wrenched sideways. The Quelin who had broken his bones shouted to him in Klip, speaking eight angry words. In the hours ahead, they would be all he could think of. 'From now on, clone, you will be quiet.' Ashby was the last to return from the interrogation. He joined the others at the dinner table. Everyone looked exhausted. Even Ohan was there, curled up under a blanket on a nearby bench. Dr Chef had brought out a small batch of spring cakes. Nobody was eating them. 'Oh, stars,' said Kizzy. She ran over and hugged him round the waist. 'I thought you were getting locked up, too.' 'I'm okay,' he said. 'You've been gone six hours.' 'Feels like longer.' He slumped into his chair. Dr Chef placed a mug of mek in front of him. Ashby cupped his palms round it, letting the warmth bleed into his hands. He stared at nothing for a moment, took a deep breath and looked to his crew. 'Did any of you know?' A general shaking of heads. 'Not a clue,' Jenks said, lighting his redreed pipe. The ash piles on the plate in front of him indicated that he'd gone through two bowls already. 'We've been debating whether or not Corbin knew,' Sissix said. 'And?' Ashby said. 'We don't think so,' Jenks said. Smoke leaked out from between his teeth. 'Did you see his face when they dragged him away? He had no fucking idea what was going on.' 'I checked an old blood test,' Dr Chef said. 'There's no question. There are some irregularities in his DNA that can't happen any other way.' 'Why didn't you notice it before?' Ashby asked. 'Because it's the sort of thing you only find if you're specifically looking for it. I didn't have any reason to.' Ashby sighed and leaned back. 'This doesn't change anything. I hope you all know that. Corbin's a sapient individual, and I don't particularly care where he came from. I know we all have our . . . difficulties with him.' He glanced at Sissix, who was picking at a spring cake with a single claw. 'But he's part of our crew, and we have to help him.' He looked around the table. Something was off. 'Wait, where's Rosemary? Did she not come back?' Had the Quelin figured out about her, too? Stars, how many crew members was he going to lose today? 'No, she's in her office,' Sissix said. 'She's been combing through legal options for Corbin since the moment they let her go.' Asbhy reminded himself to give Rosemary a raise once the tunnel was built. 'I'll go help her,' he said, pushing his chair back. 'No need.' Rosemary walked in through the kitchen, scrib in hand and pixel pen behind her ear. 'But we've got a lot to talk about.' 'Let's hear it.' Rosemary took her place at the table. 'Corbin's being held at a nearby enforcement orbiter. They'll be keeping him there indefinitely, before his case is processed.' 'What happens then?' 'If we do nothing, he'll be sent to a Quelin penal colony. They're labour camps, mostly, from what I've learned. Apparently most of the teracite ore in the GC is mined by Quelin prisoners.' 'Now there's a happy thought,' Jenks said. 'Nice to know what my circuit panels are made from.' 'How can they do that?' Dr Chef said. 'Corbin's a GC citizen.' 'No, he's not,' Rosemary said. 'Since cloning is illegal in most GC territories, cloned individuals don't get natural born rights. They have to go through the same application process that non-GC species do, even if they've lived in the GC all their lives.' 'That's not fair,' Kizzy said. 'Yeah,' Jenks said. 'But think of how rarely something like this happens. Lawmakers aren't going to trouble themselves making new legal systems for something that affects maybe – what? A few hundred people, if that? You can't find cloners anywhere but the fringe, and I highly doubt anybody who's a part of it comes back to the GC. This probably isn't something the GC has to deal with often.' 'Exactly,' Rosemary said. 'And because of that, the unofficial policy when dealing with a discovered clone is to default to whatever the local laws are. If we'd found out about Corbin in, say, Harmagian space, he'd still have to go through the application process, but the only other thing that would happen to him is a footnote on his ID file. The only person who'd be arrested is his father. Which is probably happening as we speak.' 'Anybody know anything about his dad?' Kizzy said. 'He's still on the Enceladus orbiter, I think. They're not on speaking terms,' Ashby said. He turned to Rosemary. 'So, let me get this straight. Since Corbin's not a citizen, we can't use any of our treaty rights to get him back?' 'Right. But there is a loophole. It's just not . . .' She cleared her throat. 'It's not exactly ideal.' 'I figured as much.' Rosemary fidgeted with her pen. 'The terms of the Quelin's GC membership agreement state that they have to honour any legally binding documents that affect GC citizens travelling through their space. This is meant for cases like . . . say, you have a Human and a Harmagian who have a registered partnership in Harmagian space.' 'Eew,' said Kizzy. 'Speciest,' said Jenks. 'I'm not speciest, they're slimy.' 'It's just an example,' said Rosemary. 'Now, they wouldn't be able to register their partnership with the Quelin, because interspecies partnerships aren't recognised there. But since they're already registered in another GC territory, the Quelin have to honour their partnership, legally speaking.' 'How so?' Ashby asked. 'Like if their ship crashed and one of them died, the Quelin authorities would have to recognise the other as their next of kin, even though they wouldn't grant those rights to people living within their space.' 'Got it. But how does this help Corbin?' 'Well, when you start an application for GC citizenship, you have to have an assigned legal guardian throughout the process. A GC citizen who vouches for you.' 'Yes, I had to do that,' Dr Chef said. 'How's it work?' Jenks asked. 'It's a formality more than anything. The idea is that you have someone there to help you fit in. They make sure you learn the language, learn the laws, understand the local culture and ethics, that sort of thing. They're also responsible for helping you get your formwork in on time, and they have to come with you to your application hearing. It's a sort of buddy system to help you integrate.' 'Seems stupid for Corbin,' Kizzy said. 'It's not like he has to learn Klip all over again.' 'So,' Ashby said, 'if Corbin has a legal guardian, the Quelin have to release him to that person?' 'Yes, but we only have a narrow window to make it happen. We'd have to fill out the formwork, get the GC to approve it and get it to the Quelin before they process Corbin's case. I have a . . . friend I can contact. A minor GC official. I'm sure once they see it's an emergency, they'll sign off the formwork as fast as they can.' 'The same friend that, ah . . . ?' Jenks said. He finished his question by pointing at Rosemary's wristwrap. Rosemary's eyes swung down. 'Yes,' she said. 'How long before the Quelin process Corbin?' Dr Chef asked. 'No one knows. Could be days, or tendays. They could be doing it now for all we know, but I doubt it. From what I understand of the Quelin legal system, they don't rush these things.' 'All right,' Ashby said. 'Just show me where you need my thumbprint.' 'No, see, you can't be his guardian.' Rosemary took a breath. She looked uncomfortable. 'There's a catch. And it's a stupid, bureaucratic catch, but it's one we can't get round.' 'Let's have it.' 'Quelin cloning laws aren't just strict, they're . . . I don't even know what the word is. Unyielding. My understanding on this is sketchy at best, but apparently, the Quelin had a bloody interplanetary war a few centuries back, and it was mixed up with cloning and eugenics and all sorts of messy things. Nowadays, the Quelin don't just see cloning as an ethically murky practice. They see it as evil. To them, Corbin's very existence is dangerous. As such, their laws on cloning are a lot more comprehensive than what other species have on the books. It's clear they thought about the possibility of clones entering in from outside their space.' 'Meaning?' 'Meaning GC treaties or no, they won't release Corbin to anyone who comes from a species that bans cloning. In their eyes, they're doing those species a favour by keeping him away from the rest of the galaxy.' She cleared her throat. 'So, the only way we can get Corbin back is if he has a guardian who comes from a species without cloning laws.' 'Who doesn't have—' Ashby paused when he saw the hesitant look on Rosemary's face. She wasn't looking at him. He followed her gaze across the table. To Sissix. Sissix blinked twice, her face blank. She put her palm over her eyes, arched her head back and let out a long, angry sigh. 'You are fucking kidding me.' 'Wait,' Kizzy said. 'Whoa. You? Aandrisks don't have cloning laws?' 'No, we don't have cloning laws.' 'Why?' 'Because we don't do it,' she snapped. 'The idea never occurred to us. You know why? Because unlike you people, we think nature works fine on its own without tweaking it and hacking it and – and – oh, this is ridiculous.' 'Sissix—' Ashby said. 'Don't say anything. I'll do it. It's not even a question. I'm not going to leave him to rot in some teracite mine.' She drummed her claws on the table. 'So. Fine. What do I have to do? Sign some formwork, go to a few hearings with him?' 'Yes,' Rosemary said. She licked her lips, speaking more quickly. 'And you have to be within the same system as him at all times for the duration of the application process.' Sissix's feathers puffed. 'How long is that?' Rosemary shrank into herself. Her whole body was one big apology. 'Up to a standard. Maybe more.' Sissix swore in Reskitkish and walked away from the table. She turned back towards Rosemary. 'I'm not mad at you about this,' she said. 'You know that, right?' 'I know,' Rosemary said, looking into Sissix's eyes. Ashby watched an unspoken conversation pass between them. He studied them with interest. He had a suspicion, but now wasn't the time to ponder it. There were more important things to think of. Sissix sighed again, and tried to smooth her feathers down with her hand. 'Well, come on,' she said. 'Let's go save the bastard.' Sissix had only been aboard the enforcement orbiter for a few minutes, but already she loathed it. No windows. No colours. Silent hallways. Humourless, angular design. Everywhere she turned, a sense of disapproving sterility. She understood that prisons weren't meant to be cheerful, but this was worse than she'd imagined. It was the sort of place that inspired you to never do anything bad ever again. The only good thing was the warmth, but even then, the heat was thick, heavy. It felt like something you could chew on. They entered a holding room, which contained nothing but several wall-mounted scanners and an imposing set of doors. 'Wait here,' said her escort. The Quelin punched a code into a wall panel. The doors fell open, and Sissix nearly gagged on the air that drifted out, a miasma of unwashed skin and bodily waste. She pressed her palm against her nostrils and took a step back. How did the Quelin stand it? Did they even have a sense of smell? She fought down her growing sense of nausea and tried to see inside the detention area. The light was too dim to make out much of anything, but she could see body heat rising from pits in the floor. Pits. Did the rest of the GC know about this? Surely someone in Parliament did. Did they care? Did it make them lose sleep at night, knowing that they shared council sessions with sapients who treated other species this way? Or was easy access to teracite enough to remove those qualms? The sick feeling within her grew, but now it had nothing to do with the smell. And I'm here for Corbin, she thought, the notion refusing to sink in. She was in this hollow corpse of a place, after filing some seriously binding formwork that would leash her for a standard – a fucking standard – and all for Corbin. That biting, ugly waste. Why him? Why her? She could accept him being on the ship, she could deal with having to share the same food and air, but this – this was absurd. And unfair. And unearned. After a few moments, she could see the Enforcer heading back to the doors, walking behind a Human man. There was something wrong with him. Sissix could see it in the way he moved. What had they done to him? She sucked air between her teeth as he came closer. A dark spray of bruises covered his torso, purple ringed with yellow. His face was a mess, and his nose hung at the wrong angle. He moved stiffly, clutching his side with one arm. His other hand was busy trying to shield his genitals. Humans. Honestly, after being beaten and dumped in a pit, that's what he was worrying about? But then Sissix saw the look on Corbin's face. She thought it was anger at first, but no – it was shame. She would never fully understand Human modesty, but she knew how deeply ingrained it was in them. She also knew that every hard feeling she had towards Corbin was returned in kind. For him to be pushed around without clothes on was probably humiliating enough, but to be seen that way by someone he despised was the ultimate insult. Sissix wished that someone else could have been sent for him. She looked away. 'Are you sure you want him?' the Enforcer asked. 'He is an abomination.' Sissix glared. 'Go get the abomination's clothes.' 'They were likely destroyed.' She took a few steps forward to Corbin, who was having trouble standing. She took his arm and put it round her waist, helping him to stand. Had she ever touched him before? She didn't think so. There must've been a handshake, at least, when he'd been hired. She spoke again to the Quelin. 'Do you have anything? A blanket? A towel? Anything?' The Enforcer hesitated, then opened a wall panel full of medical supplies. Despite his unreadable face, Sissix got the impression that this Quelin was treading lightly around her. She was nobody, but her species was one of the big three in the GC Parliament, and they had far more pull than the Quelin did. Their species' diplomatic ties were tenuously civil at best, and an Aandrisk treated poorly at the hands of Quelin Enforcers was the sort of thing the newsfeeds would pounce on. The Enforcer handed Sissix a small blanket, made of some foil-like synthetic fabric. She helped Corbin wrap it round his waist. 'Thank you,' he said in a thin voice. It was obvious that he was having trouble drawing a full breath. His eyes were fixed on the floor, but Sissix could see him fighting back a small ribbon of tears. Just one more embarrassment he was trying to prevent. Sissix took her eyes off his face. She had no business seeing him like this. 'Let's get you home,' she said. She led him out of the room, the Enforcer following close behind. After a moment, Corbin spoke in a whisper. 'I wasn't sure anyone would come for me.' Sissix said nothing. Nothing she could say would sound right, or honest. They continued down the hallway. Corbin winced with every step. After a while, he said, 'Why you?' She sighed. 'It's complicated, and you are not going to like what's going on any more than I do. But it can wait until Dr Chef patches you up. For now, let's just say . . . it was the right thing to do.' An awkward silence fell between them. 'Thank you,' Corbin said. 'I . . . well. Thank you.' 'Yeah, well,' Sissix said. She cleared her throat. 'From now on, though, I get to crank up the temperature as high as I want.' Four days later, Corbin sat at his lab bench, spreading algae on a sample card. The last batch had come out slightly tacky, and he wasn't sure why. He spread the algae thin, so that he would be able to see the cells clearly once he placed the card into the scanner. A normal task, but it didn't feel that way. Nothing did, not his lab, not his bed, not his face. But that was exactly why normal tasks needed doing. He would put algae onto the card, and he'd put it into the scanner. He'd do it again and again, until it felt the way it had before. 'Excuse me, Corbin,' Lovey said through the vox. 'Yes?' The AI paused. 'There's a sib call coming through for you. It's from Tartarus.' Corbin looked up from the algae and said nothing. Tartarus. A prison asteroid, out in the Kuiper Belt. There was only one person who would be calling him from there. Lovey spoke again, her voice awkward. 'I can dismiss the call if you like.' 'No,' Corbin said. He wiped the smear of green slime from the end of his sampling tool and set it aside. 'Put it through down here.' 'Okay, Corbin. I hope it goes well.' Corbin gave a curt nod. The vox clicked off. With a sigh, he turned to his desk and gestured at the pixel projector. The pixels scurried into action. A blinking red rectangle in the bottom of the projection indicated that he had a sib call waiting. He watched it blink five times before gesturing to answer it. His father appeared. Corbin hadn't spoken to the man in four standards. He had grown old. A little heavy, too, which was surprising. His father had always pushed Corbin to eat healthy. Corbin could see it now, the familiar curves and angles and lines in his father's face. The features were more pronounced, worn deep with age, but they were the same as his own. It was more than just familial resemblance. Corbin would wear the same face one day. His father spoke. 'They hurt you.' Corbin leaned back in his chair, making sure that his father could get a good look at the fading bruises on his face. This was exactly why he hadn't let Dr Chef fix anything but the bones. He had been hoping for this moment, the moment in which his father would see what his hubris had done. 'Hello, Marcus. And yes, I came back from prison with a broken nose and three cracked ribs. One came damn close to puncturing my lung.' 'I'm sorry, Artis. I am so sorry.' 'Sorry,' said Corbin. 'I get ripped out of my home, beaten to a pulp and thrown into some Quelin hellhole, only to be told that my entire life is a lie – and you're sorry. Well, thanks, but that doesn't quite cut it.' Marcus sighed. 'This is why I called, you know. I figured you had some questions. If you can stop hating me for a few minutes, I'd be happy to answer them. I can't make many calls from here. Ansible access is a rare thing.' Corbin stared at the man in the pixels. He looked so defeated, so tired. Corbin found himself shaken by it, and it made him all the angrier. 'All I want to know,' Corbin said, 'is where I really came from.' Marcus nodded and looked down at his lap. 'You know all those times you asked about your mother?' 'Of course. All you ever said was that she died in a shuttle crash. You never wanted to talk about her. Which makes sense, since she never existed.' 'Oh, no,' Marcus said. 'I did have a wife. She wasn't your mother, of course, but . . .' His eyes went somewhere far away. 'Artis, I've never been good with people. I've always preferred my lab. I like data. Data is consistent, it's steady, it's easy to understand. With data, you always know what the answer is. If the data doesn't make sense, you can always puzzle it out. Unlike people.' He shook his head. 'I can never puzzle out people. I'm sure you understand.' Corbin clenched his jaw. Dammit, he thought. How much of me is actually you? Marcus continued. 'When I was a young man, I took a posting down on Overlook.' Corbin knew the place. It was one of the few labs down on the surface of Encaledus. Strictly quarantined, to prevent contamination of the microbial pools below the moon's icy surface. Only one person manned Overlook at a time, and those who were assigned there were on their own for at least a year. It was rare that people took an Overlook assignment more than once. 'I thought it was the perfect place for me. I loved working down there. No people to disturb my work or get in my way. Except for her.' He paused. 'Her name was Sita. She flew the supply shuttle that brought me food and lab supplies. She couldn't come in, of course, but I could watch her through the airlock cameras, and we spoke over the vox.' Marcus smiled, a warm, private smile. Corbin was startled. He'd never seen his father smile like that, not once. 'And as you may suspect, she was beautiful. Not beautiful like they do in vids or when they're trying to sell you something. Real beautiful. The kind of beautiful you could actually touch. And she wasn't from the orbiter. She was from Mars.' He laughed under his breath. 'I thought her accent was so damn cute.' Marcus shook his head, as if clearing it. His voice became more grounded. 'I was awful to her, of course. I'd snap at her if she showed up while I was in the middle of testing, and I've always hated small talk, so I barely gave her the time of day. I was like that to everyone, but she . . . she didn't care. She always put up with me, even when I was an ass to her. She always smiled. She made fun of me, for my bad moods, for my uncombed hair. For whatever reason, it didn't make me mad. I liked the way she gave me a hard time. I started counting the days between supply drops. At first, I thought I was just lonely, that it was a symptom of living in isolation. It took me a while to realise just how in love with her I was.' He ran his hand back through his thin hair. 'And then I got us both fired.' 'You what?' Marcus cleared his throat. 'One tenday, I spent all of my free time cleaning up the station. Made sure it looked presentable. Set the table with the nicer food that I'd been saving in the stasie.' Corbin gaped. 'You did not invite her in.' 'Oh, I did. And she accepted.' 'But,' Corbin sputtered. 'Does that station even have a decontamination flash suitable for Humans?' 'Nope. I was sterilised before I went down to the station. The only flash installed there was meant for food and supplies. Having her walk through it wasn't even an option.' 'But your samples!' His mind reeled. Throughout Corbin's entire childhood, Marcus had drilled him with the importance of preventing contamination. One time, he'd revoked dessert privileges for a month after catching Corbin eating candy in the lab. Corbin didn't know the person that Marcus was describing. It certainly wasn't the father he knew. 'All ruined,' Marcus said. 'She had just enough benign bacteria on her to cause a few problems. The project leader was furious when she found out. Six months of work, gone. Sita was fired, and I was given the option to either start the year over or leave the project entirely.' 'You stayed?' 'Oh, no, I left. I had just had one of the best days of my life, and it was all thanks to that beautiful woman. We hadn't even done anything that interesting. We just ate all my food and talked about everything. She made me laugh. And for reasons I still don't understand, I made her smile. There was no way I was going to be locked away from her down on Overlook. I spent the next five years trying to put my career back together, but it was worth it.' 'So,' Corbin said, bewildered. His brain could not accept the image of his father as a lovesick young man willing to contaminate his lab. 'You married her.' Marcus chuckled. 'Not right away. I begged and scraped and pleaded until I found somebody willing to hire me at the gene library. Awful job, but I was lucky to get anything at that point. The head lab tech there had done a year down on Overlook, too. I think he sympathised. Sita got a job with a cargo company based on Titan that didn't ask too many questions, either about who she was or what cargo they took on. Shady work, but . . . well, we thought it was a good thing at the time. Since I was back on the orbiter, we could see each other more often. And after a time, I married her. We had five wonderful years together.' Marcus's face grew tight, and for a moment, Corbin thought that he could see all the years of his father's life press down upon him. 'One morning, she told me she'd have to leave her job in a few months. I asked why. She told me she was pregnant. I was ecstatic. By that time, I'd crawled my way up to a better position in the library, and we had enough credits saved up to start thinking about living elsewhere. It was the perfect time to begin a family. I'd never even thought that a family was something that I'd be able to have. I mean, who'd love me?' His pixelated eyes found Corbin's. Corbin said nothing. Marcus continued. 'Two tendays later, Sita was making a run from Titan to Earth. Ambi cells. She normally didn't make runs that long, but they were paying her double because of the valuable cargo. It wasn't the sort of job she could say no to. Thing was, the bastards at the shuttleyard didn't check to make sure that the containment seals were properly installed. This is before the GC really started cracking down on unsafe ambi. Bureaucrats don't give a damn about anything unless it starts to affect a significant number of their constituents.' Marcus took a breath. 'I'm sure you can guess what happened next.' 'The seals broke,' Corbin said. Marcus nodded. 'I'm sorry.' He meant it, for Sita's sake. At least an ambi accident was a quick way to go. The woman probably hadn't had time to realise that anything had gone wrong. Still, unfortunate as the story was, it didn't address the important question. 'This doesn't explain why you felt the need to clone yourself.' 'Doesn't it?' Marcus said. 'Sita was gone, and with her went the only chance at family I thought I'd ever get. I buried all thoughts of her, and focused instead on the child I could have had.' 'You could've adopted.' 'I wanted my own flesh and blood. Proof that someone had loved me enough to create a new life with me.' Corbin scoffed. 'You could've found a surrogate. You could've met someone else.' 'Yes, I'm sure you'd think that clearly if you were in the midst of grieving your dead wife,' Marcus snapped. There. That was the father that Corbin knew. At least he was on familiar ground now. 'So where did you do it?' Corbin asked. 'Where was the vat that you grew me in?' 'Stitch. I took everything Sita and I had saved, and went to Stitch.' 'Stitch. Lovely.' Stitch was a fringe colony that served as a haven for the darker side of the modding community. Even visiting Stitch was liable to get you interrogated and slapped with jail time if someone back in the GC found out about your little trip. There weren't many legal reasons for visiting such a place. 'After you were . . . well, after you came to be, I stayed a few more months, then brought you home.' 'How did you explain the infant?' 'I said that I'd met a woman on Port Coriol. We shared a night together, and next thing I knew, I had a son. I said that your mother couldn't take care of you, so I took you home instead. I chose a non-augmented gestation process, so it did actually take nine months for you to fully form, and you aged at a normal rate. There was no reason for anyone to question it. My family chalked it up to me still grieving, but you know I didn't talk to them much anyway. As for Sita's family . . . they didn't want anything to do with me after that. They'd never liked me to start, and I suppose they didn't like the idea of me sharing someone else's bed so soon after their daughter's death.' Corbin held up his hand. Old family drama was the least of his concerns. 'You said non-augmented gestation process. Is there anything about me that was augmented?' Dr Chef had told him there was nothing out-of-the-ordinary about his body, but he wanted to be damn sure. Marcus shook his head. 'No. The tech who made . . . the tech I hired kept trying to convince me to add a few tweaks, but I put my foot down. You're the same as me. Flaws and all.' Corbin leaned forward. 'That's why, isn't it?' 'That's why, what?' 'Mistakes were never okay by you. A broken sample dish, a dirty sock on the floor, a spilled cup of juice. It didn't matter how well-behaved I was at school, or how good my grades were. I'd come home with a score card full of "excellents," but all you'd focus on was the one "average" mark.' 'I just wanted you to be the best that you could be.' 'What you wanted,' Corbin said slowly, 'was for me to improve upon all the mistakes that you had made yourself. You didn't want me to be my own person. You wanted me to be a better version of you.' 'I thought—' 'I was a kid! Kids make mistakes! And it didn't stop when I grew up, either, you never once stopped to tell me that you were proud of me or that I'd done all right. I was an experiment to you. You were never satisfied with positive results, you just kept looking for the flaw causing faulty data.' Marcus was silent for a long time. 'I am proud of you, Artis,' he said. 'Though I'm sure that's too little, too late. There's no way for me to go back and be a better father.' He looked back to Corbin. 'There's one thing, though, that I'm very glad of.' 'What's that?' His father gave a sad smile and looked around the sterile prison room. 'That it's me in here and not you.' He sighed. 'They told me that you have to reapply for citizenship.' 'Yes. I'm leashed to one of my crewmates for the next standard.' 'You're lucky,' Marcus said. 'Aside from Sita, I never had any friends good enough to do that for me.' Corbin shifted in his chair. 'She's not a friend,' he said. 'She despises me, in fact. Just not enough to let me die in a Quelin prison.' 'Don't sell yourself short, Artis. Even unpleasant bastards like us deserve company.' He smirked. 'That's a quote from my wife, by the way.' Corbin exhaled something like a laugh. 'I'd have liked to have met her,' he said. Something occurred to him. 'Though if she had lived, I wouldn't exist.' 'No,' said Marcus. 'But I'm glad that you do.' Really? Would you have traded her for me, if you'd known? 'How long is your sentence?' 'Twelve standards,' Marcus said. 'I'll be an old man once I get out. But I'll be fine. I've been treated well here so far. And I've got a cell all to myself. I can finally catch up on my reading.' Corbin noticed a spot of dried algae gunk on his desk. It was a good thing to focus on. 'One more thing,' he said, scratching the gunk away. 'Yes?' 'My birthday. Is my birthday my real birthday? Or my pulled-from-vat day, I suppose?' 'Yes. Why?' 'I don't know. It's been bothering me.' He looked around his lab. 'I have to get back to work now.' 'Yes, of course,' Marcus said. 'The guards will be telling me to end the call soon anyway.' A pleading look filled his eyes. 'Maybe . . . maybe we could . . . ?' They stared at one another. There was more distance between them than just pixels and space. 'I don't know,' Corbin said. 'Maybe.' Marcus nodded. 'Take care of yourself, son.' He waved his hand. The image faded. The pixels withdrew. Corbin sat listening to the humming pulse of the algae vats. After a while, he picked up his scrib from the desk. He opened his log program and made a quick entry. October 25. Still my birthday. 'You're pensive tonight,' Lovey said. 'Am I?' Jenks said. 'Yes,' Lovey said. 'You've got that little crease between your eyes that you get when something's on your mind.' Jenks rubbed the skin between his eyebrows. 'I didn't realise I was so easy to read.' 'Not to everyone.' Jenks leaned back against the wall with a sigh and pulled his redreed tin from his pocket. 'It's this whole thing with Corbin.' 'Ah,' said Lovey. 'I think everyone's still shaken up. Corbin hasn't been sleeping well. He stays up late accessing his personal files. Mostly pictures of himself as a child.' 'Please don't tell me that stuff,' Jenks said, stuffing his pipe. 'You know I don't like snooping.' Lovey laughed. 'You're not snooping. That's what I'm doing. You're just gossiping.' 'Oh, well, if that's all.' He lit the pipe, sucking air through the burning leaves. The smoke in his lungs made his shoulders go slack. 'Poor Corbin. I can't imagine being thrown for a loop like that.' He turned his head, pressing his ear against the wall. 'Is that your tertiary synapse router making that click?' 'Let me check. It's functioning normally.' 'Hmm. I don't like that sound.' He moved to face the wall and removed the access panel. His eyes darted over the lace of blinking circuits that lay within. 'Yeah, see, right here. The shunt's worn out.' 'Save it til morning, Jenks. That'll take hours, and you've been working all day.' Jenks frowned. 'Okay, but you wake me up if you experience any gaps in memory.' 'I'll be fine,' Lovey said with fondness. 'I can't even tell that anything's wrong.' Jenks replaced the panel. Lovey spoke again. 'I don't think Corbin is what's bothering you.' 'No?' 'No.' 'Then what is?' 'I don't know, but I wish you'd say.' Jenks sighed, exhaling. The tiny worklamps overhead cast beams of light down through the smoky swirls. 'I've been thinking about your body kit.' Lovey paused. 'There's a catch and you didn't tell me.' 'No,' said Jenks, taking the pipe from his mouth. 'No catch. This whole deal is as respectable as you can be in black market business. Even the price was fair, all things considered.' 'Then what's troubling you?' 'Corbin's dad. That guy must've spent a fortune on getting himself cloned. Somehow, he was careful enough to not only make sure that Corbin never found out about it, but that the law never found out, either. And he got away with it for decades. Corbin's more than passable. He's the real deal. No tweaks, no enhancements. Hell, even Dr Chef didn't notice until he made a point to go looking for it. And yet . . .' 'And yet he still got caught.' 'Yeah. After all that money and all that planning, that poor bastard's locked up in prison, and Corbin's lost his citizenship. And that's after he got the shit kicked out of him by those fucking Quelin.' He sat up. 'Look, we always knew getting a kit would be risky. But I'm not sure I really thought about what that meant. I mean, okay, I knew prison would suck, but I'd always figured that if the law was on my ass, I could just take you and go to Cricket, or maybe a fringe planet somewhere. Wouldn't be perfect, but it'd be safe. But all this mess with Corbin got me thinking about what would actually happen if we got caught. Let's say I got caught with the kit before I uploaded you into it. Okay, I'd go to jail, Mr Crisp would go to jail, but you'd be fine. You'd still be here, on the Wayfarer, with all our friends. Kizzy could look after you until Ashby got a new comp tech, and you'd still be here when I got out. But what if we didn't get caught until much later on, not until after you were in the kit? What if it was, like, ten years down the road and we'd stopped being careful? What if one of us said the wrong thing to the wrong person, or what if bio scanners got good enough to see what you really were? What if we got stopped by the Quelin again and they wanted to do a blood scan? I'd still go to jail, but they'd dismantle you, Lovey. When my sentence was up, you'd be gone. Not away, not somewhere where I knew you were safe. Gone.' Lovey was quiet. 'The kit's on its way, Jenks.' 'I know.' 'And you can't get your money back.' He sighed. 'I know. But it won't break me. And besides, maybe we can still use it. Maybe the laws will change down the road. We could just wait until it's safer. Or until I leave the ship, or something.' 'This was my decision too, you know. You didn't push me into it.' 'I know. And I won't tell you no, not if it's what you want. But I'm scared. I'm starting to think maybe I wanted this so bad that I didn't let myself acknowledge just how fucking dangerous it is.' He looked down at his hands. 'As bad as I want to hold you, I don't know if it's worth the risk of losing you for ever. Maybe it's better to just go on like this and know that there's no chance of somebody taking you away.' The room was silent, or as silent as it could be. The air filters hissed. The cooling system surrounding Lovey's core hummed. 'Jenks, do you remember when we first talked about this? When I told you all the reasons why I wanted to have a body?' 'Yeah.' 'I lied when I said it wasn't for you. Of course it's for you. I do think it'd present some wonderful opportunities for me, and I imagine it to be a very good life. But it was always, always for you. I wouldn't have thought to do it otherwise, not in a serious way.' 'But . . . you said. Your pros and cons—' 'Were things I came up with after I'd decided that this was something you deserved. I wouldn't have ever mentioned it if I thought it would make me unhappy. I do have some self-respect, after all. But yes, it was for you. And if it scares you more than it excites you, then there's no point to it. I'm happy here. I'm happy with you. Would I like a body? Yes. Am I willing to face the risks? Yes. But I'm content as is, and if you are too, then maybe that's enough for now. Not for ever, maybe, but we don't need to rush. I can wait for the galaxy outside to get a little kinder.' He swallowed. 'Lovey, it's not that I . . . I mean, I want this so much, I just—' 'Shh. Come in further,' she said. Jenks snuffed out his pipe, put it back in the tin and moved toward the pit. He reached for the sweater lying on the floor. 'Leave it,' she said. He could hear her cooling system shut down. 'Not for too long,' he said. 'Not for too long.' He took off his clothes and climbed into the pit, as he had done many times. He sat down and leaned back against her core, his bare skin bathed in her glow. Without the chilled air, she felt like sunlight, only softer. 'I will always understand if you need to find someone who can give you more than this,' Lovey said. 'I wouldn't hold that against you. I sometimes worry that I am holding you back from the kind of life an organic sapient should have. But if you choose this freely, then I don't need a body, Jenks. We've always been together without one. I don't know how to love you any other way.' He pressed his back against her, pressed the soles of his feet, his shoulders, his palms, trying to soak in as much of her as he could. He twisted back and brought his lips to her. He kissed the smooth, warm metal and said, 'I don't see any reason to change the best thing I've ever had.' Node identifier: 9874-457-28, Rosemary Harper Feed source: Galactic Commons Reference Files (Public/Klip) Archival search: Human/Quelin relations Display: top Top results: List of Quelin trade agreements List of Quelin laws regarding non-Quelin species List of Quelin immigration laws List of Quelin deportation laws List of Quelin laws regarding interspecies coupling/families Galactic Commons Membership Hearings (Human, GC standard 261) Current GC Parliament Representatives (Quelin) Anatomical comparison [Human:Quelin] Selected result: Galactic Commons Membership Hearings, public record 3223–3433-3, recorded 33/261 (highlighted text – Quelin representative) Encryption: 0 Translation path: 0 Transcription: [vid:text] Despite the differences between our species and cultures, there is an order that we all share. The development of a civilisation is a scripted event. Minds join together to create new technologies, then better technologies, then better still. If a harmony cannot be found, that civilisation crumbles. If ideas emerge that are incompatible with one another, that civilisation crumbles. If a civilisation cannot stand on its own against threats from the outside, that civilisation crumbles. Scholars of sapient life note that all young civilisations go through similar stages of development before they are ready to leave their birth planets behind. Perhaps the most crucial stage is that of 'intraspecies chaos.' This is the proving ground, the awkward adolescence when a species either learns to come together on a global scale, or dissolves into squabbling factions doomed to extinction, whether through war or ecological disasters too great to tackle divided. We have seen this story play out countless times. Every one of us seated here in Parliament can speak of the planetary wars and political struggles of our ancestors, yet we overcame them to reach for the stars. We all know the stories of the Kohash, the Danten Lu and most recently, the Grum – ruined species who lacked the discipline to see beyond themselves to the next stage of evolution. Humans would have shared their fate. Humans left their planet not as one, but in fragments. When their planet began to die, the rich abandoned the impoverished for refuge on Mars. As the bodies piled up, those who remained on Earth formed the Exodus Fleet, headed not for their Martian brethren, but for open space. They had no destination, no strategy beyond escape. Were it not for one small Aeluon probe, the Fleet would almost certainly have died out, and I find it unlikely that the Martians ever would have achieved the modest level of prosperity they now enjoy without borrowing from GC technology. And what of them now? What has this experience taught them? Nothing. They continue to spread themselves thin. Fleet members have left to form independent colonies – not because it brings wealth or resources to the Fleet, but because they want to. The Martians and the Exodans may have bound their old wounds, but a division of spirit remains. And what of the fringe colonies, built by Humans who want nothing to do with the Diaspora or the GC? What of the hostile Gaiian cultists back on Earth, hunting herd animals on fragile land? My point, fellow representatives, is that Humans are a fractured, limping, adolescent species that has branched out into interstellar life not by merit, but by luck. They have not moved beyond intraspecies chaos. They have skipped the vital step the rest of us had to make on our own. By granting them membership into the Galactic Commons, we would be providing them not with a new life, but with a crutch. What meagre resources they have to offer us are not worth the risk posed by allowing such an unstable element into our shared space. The GC has already spent too much on helping this minor species to escape the hardships they brought upon themselves. I ask you, what benefit is there in making Humans one of us? If not resources, or knowledge, or military strength . . . then what? Day 121, GC Standard 307

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