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TIFU by taking my sisters Ritalin (ADHD meds) instead of allergy meds. | yesterday I was starting to feel sick and before bed I took two allergy meds, then I proceeded to stay awake all night not blinking for 6 hours straight. some weird events thru the night should have told me that I messed up, like profusely sweating (I don't sweat that much at night) some of my muscles were cramping and twitching, dry mouth, all side effects of Ritalin, and I was constantly kicking my legs around in under the blanket (couldn't stay still) although that could have been my autism.
I didn't sleep a blink, and at around 5:00 is where I got up, it was like I wasn't in control of my speech anymore and was going on and on to my mum and sisters about every thing that pop into my head, ABOUT ANYTHING again I'm autistic and can get excited when talking about my "special interests" but it was just insane I went from a quiet kid whos not a morning person, to a complete chatter box at 5:00 (I think I stressed out my mum quite a bit as she also has ADHD and was overwhelmed by my sudden personality shift lol sorry)
Here's the "best" bit, my mum got out of bed and came to the kitchen as I was tailing her saying every random thought that came to my head.
"uhh op did you take these?" -mum
\*realizing its Ritalin.
"where did you get those?" -me
mum points to the bench WHERE I TOOK THOSE "ALLERGY MEDS" my jaw literally dropped. I freaked-out had a quiet/mini panic attack that lasted for 3 hours, going crazy because my brain was way to loud and the next minute I didn't even have my internal dialogue. which is pretty bad for a neurotypical but with my autism I cant even handle my bedroom door being changed (true story) let alone my head being rewired, I kept telling my mum my brain was broken thru panicked tears. but my mum is the hero of this story and honestly I'm pretty lucky to have a mum that understands panic attacks and my stupidity.
THE ONLY DIFERNCE BETWEN THE TWO IS THAT THE RITALIN WAS SLIGTY MORE ROUND (and said it on the back so yea its my fault)
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TL:DR : Was sick, took some "allergy meds" around 9-10pm and didn't blink once till this morning, then at 5:00 I was chatting like no tomorrow, until my mum pointed at the Ritalin on the bench I had taken instead. I proceeded to have a mini panic attack for 3 hours. any way my mum is my hero and helped me thu it <3
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I'm ok now :) just very tired. (I also have no idea why I freaked out that much but that was pretty good for me)
Also my mums gonna have a talk with my sister about this lol. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU I mistakenly assumed guys hate “starfish” | I have to warn you: this is potentially triggering for some. It involves “race play”. Please do not read further if it bothers or triggers you. I’m very sorry.
My fuck up was I didn’t stop him when I got uncomfortable. I know. I know. I should have.
I met a “neighbor” today from a hookup app. Well, he doesn’t live in my building, but he lives two blocks from my apartment. We hooked up for the first time today after a week of back and forth texting. He wanted go do some “race play” where racial differences are focal points of sexual arousal.
I consider myself sex-positive. I’m all for exploring consensual and legal sex. But, I guess I am not as sex-positive as I thought. He enjoyed the fact that he was white and was physically much more massive than I was. That difference in body size and race led to some pretty…”interesting” fantasies on his end. I tried to participate as much as I could, but in the end, his racist eroticism proved too much for my taste.
This is where I fully acknowledge I fucked up. I should have told him that his racist monologue was not working for me. But he was already inside me and he was “my type” (read: he was hot). So I played along a little longer, trying to zone out his actual words. I thought maybe if I just closed my eyes and concentrated on enjoying the physical sensation of him inside my ass, I could tolerate him.
But I couldn’t. I was weighing his hotness against his racist fantasies in my head. After some consideration, I concluded I would have to ghost him. I played starfish to kill his mood and his erection. Maybe he’d leave. Guys hate starfishes right?
Unfortunately, not all guys. My starfish act had the opposite effect: it aroused him even more. He went even harder, to the point where I thought my flimsy Ikea bed frame might actually collapse. And here, I will quote him verbatim: “Oh you can’t play dead with a hungry polar bear (presumably because he is…white???). I will rip your little yellow commie vietcong ass to shhhhhreds!!” And then he came.
And the worst part of this? I’m not even Vietnamese.
tl;dr I thought most dudes hated starfish. I was wrong and got a racist creampie in my butt.
Edit: Good morning kind redditors. Yes my butt still hurts after yesterday’s misadventure, but I went to my early AM OTF class anyway because today is the last day of 12 days of Fitness. The rower proved especially difficult with the soreness. I didn’t realize some are unfamiliar with the slang “starfish”. Maybe it’s a generational issue? Here’s the explanation: [starfish](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Starfish)
Edit 2: There are too many DMs and comments for me to thank individually. Please trust that I will read each and every one, and am grateful for your advice and warm wishes. xoxo
Edit 3: Hi, to clarify for those who are DMing me religious texts, links to religious texts, and appeals for me to find religion, please know that while I respect your faith, I am not into organized religion myself. I like penises. Penis is my God, my Goddess, my Allah, my higher power. While my “religion” may get me into uncomfortable situations sometimes, I am not going to give up my “faith”. Thanks and happy holidays! | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by crop dusting my apartment laundry room. | Obligatory, not today. About 6 months ago. I had a problematic apartment neighbor who not only bogarted the laundry room, left clothes in the dryer practically every day, and washed clothes at crazy hours, she also put items in the dryer that made the machine nearly catch on fire.
On one of the latter occasions I already had wet clothes in the washer before I opened the dryer and saw that there were a bunch of beads in it from some kids garment. I tried to turn it on and it instantly started smoking and set off the fire alarm. I unplugged it for safety reasons and the caretaker called the fire department just to be safe because she said a resident had complained of smelling gas recently.
I had to get my wet clothes out of the washer and carry them down to the dryer at the other end of the hall. This particular day, I had eaten a bunch of what I call Hobo Stew, which is a sorta bastardized version of Southwest chicken tortilla soup I had taken to making as a broke person. It lasted for days and was delicious and cheap, but it had the side effect of giving me extremely foul gas.
Just as I was loading the last bit of my wet laundry into the basket to take down the hall, I cracked one off and it smelled horrible. I quickly left the laundry room only to see the land lady leading two calendar months worth of hot firefighter into the room. I rushed past them and was partway down the hall when I heard “Oh I definitely smell gas in here. We have instruments to register the severity of the leak.” I heard beeping.
TLDR: Farted in the laundry room and caused the hot firefighters to use gas sniffing instruments to measure the severity. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not reading the directions and pickling myself | This morning a small problem became a big one. A couple weeks ago, I was having some outside work done on my fence and yard, and thus had to keep the dog in. We went for more frequent walks and outside time, as usually she had free reign over the back yard and could come and go as she pleased. However, despite these efforts, she managed to pee in the basement a couple times. I don’t go in the basement so I didn’t catch it for a day or two, but then cleaned it up and thought that was problem solved. Nope, smell came back. So I swiffered the entire thing. Smell came back worse. Had a cleaning lady come in. Smell came back worse.
Finally this morning I was exasperated and googled some solutions: vinegar was recommended. So I go through stuff I have around the house, and in my brothers various crap I find a bottle labeled 30% vinegar. Well that’s extra diluted with water, logically, so it should be good to use.
What I failed to notice was the rest of the warnings on the bottle. See, vinegar that we eat is about 1%, vinegar used to clean is about 5%. This stuff was 30%, and I had just splashed it liberally all around my basement.
Let me tell you when I went back down to clean it up, it had my eyes burning, I almost threw up, couldn’t breathe, etc. This shit was POTENT.
So I spent the rest of the day buying fans and a paint respirator at Home Depot, and mopping the floor until it was diluted enough to breathe. I hope it didn’t damage the tile. A small problem turned into a whole fiasco because I’m too dumb to read the instructions.
TLDR; didn’t read the cleaning product bottle; got turned into a pickle. 30% vinegar is VERY STRONG, don’t make the same mistake I did. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by realizing that my Great Grandfather might be a psychopath | Yeah, I know. It sounds horrible.
For the last almost 60 years, my family has had what we believed to be war trophies from WW2 that my grandfather took. These were gold-capped teeth that my grandfather said My great-grandfather took off dead Germans during his time in the European campaign. We keep them in a ziploc bag in my father's safe.
His decision to take the teeth was fairly illegal and I am in no way promoting it or saying it was a good thing. That being said, we can't just dispose of human remains in the trash, and they also have some historical significance.
Recently I have done some research/asked around because I thought that maybe there's some way to authenticate the teeth in the hopes of donating it to a museum. I mean they use teeth to identify murder victims, right?
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Well, the people I was discussing it with said that they might not even be dead German teeth. That they might be teeth from holocaust victims. They said the Germans had a practice of taking teeth from the Jews in the concentration camps as well.
When this happened I was completely taken aback, and I am uncomfortable with the fact that 1) we might have teeth from the holocaust and 2) that my great-grandfather might have taken holocaust victim teeth as a souvenir
It's not impossible because my grandfather served in Germany at the later stage of the war. His unit could have run into one of the many concentration camps on the Western front, but because they now could be an artifact from the holocaust I have no idea what to do. I have contacted the National Holocaust Museum and hopefully, a curator can get back to me
TL;DR My Great-grandfather gave us Gold-cap teeth he said he took off of dead Germans before he died in his will. After talking with historians there's a fair chance they could be teeth from the Holocaust.
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Some people on here seem to think that it doesn’t fit the TIFU subreddit. It sucks to figure out your grandpa might have teeth from dead holocaust victims instead of dead Germans. If it was from the Nazis I wouldn’t care. Now I have to care or else I feel like a horrible person, and this is going to take a while to figure out. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for buying giant bag of bulgur instead of rice | I was doing my normal weekend grocery shopping when my wife texted me about picking some rice since we're running low. Now we're a family that love rice and go through a lot of it. A couple years ago we decided to get a giant sack of rice from the international market. The bags range from 20- 50lbs or 22.68kg. we'd get about a years supply for relatively cheap.
So I after our shopping at the grocery store to get rice. I was already tired and just want get the rice maybe stop and get some dumplings and leave. I had some trouble remembering which kind we usually get the bulgur happened to be next to the rice. The bulgur was a few dollars cheeper and I thought it was a different type of rice.i was wrong.
I got home and we put away the groceries. I cut open the bag and realized my mistake. My wife was mad and then she laughed "how do you mix up rice with bulgur. The bags got Arabic lettering." To anyone who doesn't know already, bulgur is like a middle eastern cracked wheat. I said "I can go back and get it real quick." She responded "no no, we can salvage this" me, "do you know any recipes" "no but we can figure this out"
An hour later, she can out with chicken bulgur w/veggies. It was ok but just a little plain. I looked online and found 2 recipes I could make. So if anyone's got any of their own recipes of their own I should try. I don't like wasting food and would appreciate trying something new.
TL/DR: bought giant bag bulgur instead of rice and now I got to figure out how to cook with it. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by letting the electricians in to my bedroom | This fuck up happened today and I am beyond embarrassed. Me (M25) and my girlfriend (F23) live alone in rental property and have recently had some issues with faulty electrics. We informed the landlord and he organised someone to come out this morning and fix it. He text me last week that they would be here at 9am Monday morning to rectify the issues.
I woke up this morning after my girlfriend had gone to work, and as usual my cat was sleeping next to me on the bed. Being the considerate pet owner I am I left the curtains closed so he could sleep in peace and went about starting my day working from home.
At 9am there was a knock at the door and I assumed it was probably and Amazon parcel for me or my girlfriend, I was surprised when two work men were there but quickly remembered the conversation with my landlord previously and let them in to work on the issues. I retreated back to my home office and let them know to give me a shout if they needed anything. 20 minutes later they asked if they could go in the bedroom to work on the light fitting, I obviously agreed and heard them opening the curtains as my cat scampered into my office to continue his nap. They carried on their work for a couple of hours and left with a strange smirk as I saw them out.
I carried on working, then later this afternoon I went to go tidy up the bedroom and realised the scale of my fuck up. Now I will preface this by saying me and my girlfriend are very experimental in the bedroom, this has taken off a lot since moving in to our own place and we have been somewhat blasé about leaving evidence of our escapades out and about. Last night we had some late night fun and after tidying up a bit we crashed and fell asleep.
As I entered the bedroom this afternoon I saw; cuff restraints hung over the head board, my girlfriends strap on harness on the floor, a large 8” dildo stood proudly on the bedside table, next to a bottle of lube. My heart sank to my stomach as I realised the two workmen had been in my bedroom for the best part of 2 hours and there is absolutely zero chance they didn’t see everything I noticed in the first 10 seconds. Not only that but it doesn’t take a genius to piece together what me and my girlfriend were up to the night prior. I realised that this morning I didn’t notice any of this as my room was pitch black while I left my cat to peacefully snooze.
I am beyond embarrassed as the workmen have to come back next week to do some testing and I don’t think I can look either of them in the eye again.
TL;DR: I let two electricians into my bedroom not realising I had left evidence of mine and my girlfriends sex life out in plain view. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not telling him immediately that I'm attracted to him too | OK, so it happened earlier this year, but I'm still pretty bummed out about it. Around July, an older man who used to teach me told me that he is attracted to me, but he was extremely nervous. I fucked up by not telling him "Well, I'm attracted to you too" that very moment. He probably thinks that he made me uncomfortable but I was just taken aback by how nervous he was when he said it. Now I'm stuck thinking about him all the time, with a bunch of my own nerves. What if he's not attracted to me anymore? What if the fact that he used to teach me and is now an educator in the same department in which I am doing an advanced degree is a problem for him (I'm not aware of departmental rules that says we can't date)? What if he laughs at me? I'm not opposed to telling him how I feel but all these What ifs are getting to me. I'm usually quite confident around him (which is one of the reasons why I like him) but I feel like such an idiot.
TLDR: I didn't immediately tell a guy I liked him back when he said he was attracted to me, and I just feel like I lost my chance.
Edit: For those concerned about the age difference, it's nothing weird. I'm in my 30's and he's in his 50's. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not showing physical interest to a woman I really liked | Throwaway account, don't want this to be on my main.
I matched with a girl on Tinder back in start of November. we share a couple interests obviously, but the main one is a particular sport. She plays and trains like 4-5 times a week even, so it was strange that we never met. But we figured out that we have seen each other before. We talked a lot on Tinder and then before the official meeting we transitioned to texts. We figured out we will be at the court at the same time so I made some chili for her as she craved it when I mentioned it during chatting and left it for her. She said that she’d say she loves me if we were together. Then decided to have an official first meet, we had some tea and basic who is who talks, then she had dental work so we couldn’t meet, then some sickness, so we met 2 weeks later for breakfast. She wanted to make me some cake but since we were at a bakery she decided otherwise. But anyway we continued to talk every day via chat even during that “break period”, sharing things, talking about the everyday life.
We had a lot going on, deadlines etc so we figured we should meet next weekend and I suggested to go ice skating which she really liked. Still chatting and whatnot. Sunday comes and she asks if we can skip the ice skates and do some coffee (in a mall) so we can talk and she has some cramps from a game a week ago anyway. This sounded like alarming, but I agreed bc I wanted to spend time with her anyway.
We met and after orders we started talking. It quickly came to the ‘were are we heading’ topic, she feels like its a friendzone thing, which is also cool, since she doesn’t have many friends as they are mothers have family etc. and how do I see it. I tell her that I can understand her concerns and that I’m aware of me being a bit rusty but my end goal would be a relationship, I’ve always been looking for long term stuff. But if things are clearly not working than I’m not saying no to a friendship (bc I don’t have friends in my age in that sports group). Sidenote: I brought her my massage gun so she can use it at home for the thigh cramps, but she wasn’t sure on accepting it, bc what if I’m not meeting with her after this, but I said that it’s highly unlikely that we never meet again.
So then after this we went to check out some kitchen appliances bc she wanted to have a better dough maker ) a hobby she want's to explore more) we checked them at the store, had some laughs, and then headed home. We chatted in the evening and next day I asked if she has time to meet this week -so to make things a bit more dynamic, and have a chance to make any move bc up until now we’ve only been sitting together at tables… She reads it during the day, no answer which is new to me, so I ask in the evening if there’s a problem, is everything ok. She answers "oh yeah I’m alright and I just couldn’t figure out what to answer". Now I ask if thats because last days talks, and I then typed what I think about the situation.
She sees this message the next day at night, doesn’t reply, and one day later she texts me, that she feels this is reaally smells like friendzone, which is not bad. And that she kinda already knows what she wants, and that in person we don’t seem to work well. After this I thanked her for telling me this. I also explained that I though I was playing with open cards about that I want (long term gf, acceptance, honesty etc) and the main issue in my eyes is the lack of quality time spent together while talking a lot though texts still. Thats why I wanted to meet possibly more than once a week. Lastly I asked to understand this situation better to explain what is the missing key in her eyes regarding the two of us. She said that we should talk in person bc she can't really put this anywhere in herself.
Then I went for my therapy session where I also had time and a professional to help me take the situation apart and I figured out that I have not picked up on the flirts she sent me and not really initiated, if any and that I have not been giving her compliments (I know right...).
Then comes the meeting, we start off on the usual stuff, how and what have happened (since we didn't really talk a lot during that week of uncertainty) and then she explained to me the now very obvious reason she feels this went to the friendzone thing, the lack of compliments, not feeling like I see her as a woman etc.
*The thing is, she is just my type, and if I want to I could write that much about her as all the above, but it just passed me that I never told her any of it. She had a unique piercing in her ear which also grabbed my attention, the light marks on her ear, the greyish-blue tint of her eyes, tall, great figure obviously, the tone of her voice was calming etc.*
Since it would've been a bit too much imho, I didn't go for a real present for this meeting but I made a napkin rose while I waited for her at the coffeeshop, which she said was thoughtful but it's too little too late. She explained that she might be choosing wrong since I've made her feel good on so many different levels (all the conversations, the attention to what she says and how I always had some gestures for her) but for her not feeling the 'want/desire' from me has turned her off. I tried to figure out if this is a permanent thing or could be salvaged, but it was more towards the definite answer.
So now I'm waiting for the small thoughtful gifts I planned on giving her for Xmas to arrive by myself.
TLDR: I messed up a really great potential relationship because I was dumb/afraid/blinded to tell a girl she's pretty and I like her appearances. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU: Follow up on my "Whole appartement is stinking of burned fish" thread | **So dear Redditors,**
[This was my last thread on this matter](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/18ahabh/tifu_whole_appartement_is_stinking_of_burned_fish/)
I wanted to give you a little insight into what the situation looks like now and I'm actually ashamed but I have to ask for help again - so you can imagine how desperate the situation is. This community was a huge help last time and that's why I'm turning to you again. Thanks again for everyone who took part in wanting to help me last time
**To cut a long story short:** I've done some cleaning since then and a lot of airing out, it's been a week and I've come to the conclusion that all the smell has moved into the walls. And now comes the crux of the matter: the majority of my small 22m² apartment consists of concrete walls (which are untreated), which is effectively a huge sponge made of stone.
I did some research on the internet and there seem to be a few ways to clean concrete. However, I don't want to use strong chemicals because I ultimately want to live in this apartment and I have to work on a lot of these walls with it and not just remove a small stain. I've heard that enzyme cleaners are very good for removing odors (like removing cat urine or something else), then in that case they should also be good for the fishy, oily smell that has been creeping into my walls, right?
However, I actually don't know what kind of enzyme cleaner I should order because they all have different ingredients. Is enzyme cleaner the same as enzyme cleaner?Or does anyone know of another safe remedy that I can apply to concrete to remove the odors?Thank you in advance for your help, I promise this is the last time I address this topic.
**TLDR:** I have a terrible oily fishy smell that has seeped into my concrete walls from burning fish on my pan for hours. Now I need help on how to clean these concrete walls odor-free and safely. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not telling my sister ‘no’ when she asked for a fur suit for Christmas | Today I, 23f, texted my sister (15) to ask her what she wanted for Christmas. I have a very limited budget, but wanted to get my siblings a little something special to show them I love them. Naively I thought my sister would get the memo and ask for something small or a gift card somewhere.
Not quite. First thing she asked for was way out of my budget, so I ask her if there’s anything else. She sends a link to a set of ears, paws, and a tail on Etsy that she wants and only adds a “?” So I ask her if she really wants a fur suit, wondering if she’s serious because it’s a running joke between us that we think furries are weird. Without missing a beat, she explains how some of her friends are furries and she got interested in it. She said she doesn’t want a full suit now because those would be too expensive, but maybe she’ll get one eventually ???
Here’s where the plot thickens. We have ultra-conservative evangelical parents, and she still lives at home. She’s says she doesn’t care what they think and will deal with them when it comes to it. I wholeheartedly believe this will get her into more trouble than she can imagine, and I’m talking send-her-to-a-teen-wilderness-camp level of trouble.
I’m open to a lot of things, but something about furries unsettles me and I’m very worried about her in my evangelical parents’ house. She’s already said and done some things that have my parents suspicious of her, and I don’t want to make it worse. Besides that, I just don’t want my sister to be a furry.
I still can’t tell if she’s joking or not. She’s done stuff like this before where she says or does something extreme for attention, and I just can’t tell if this is another one of those.
Before I even asked, something in me told me not to even ask her….to just get her a book she might like and call that a day. But no, I asked her, and even worse, I didn’t shut her down yesterday when she originally asked. Now she’s going on about different types of fur suits and different artists and how I should avoid buying her a buttplug tail because she doesn’t want to be ‘horned up’ while in a fur suit. I’m NOT getting her a furry costume, but she seems really into. She seems to have done research on it and everything. What do I do?? Any advice welcome.
TL;DR TIFU and my sister came out at to me as a furry, and to make matters worse, she still lives with my conservative evangelical parents. Send help. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by failing my driver's test and getting antibiotic-resistant syphilis. | Obligatory not today but many years ago.
I was an 18-year-old lad and had just failed my driver's test. I was feeling a bit down but decided to make up for it by visiting a brothel (legal where I'm at)
So off to the brothel I went, I entered the reception and there was a guy at the front desk. I sat down for a while, and then approached the guy and asked him if I could see the catalog.
The guy clapped his hand and exclaimed, "Ladies." Suddenly, 10 ladies came out and introduced themselves one by one, stating their ethnicity for some bizarre reason. I picked a lady and we went upstairs.
I couldn't get a boner, so I just asked for a handjob.
I still, however, couldn't get a boner but I didn't want to waste 100 bucks, so I offered to finger her. She agreed, and I fingered her.
A few weeks later I got sores on my hand. I went to the doctor and explained my predicament. The doctor gave me an ear swab-like thing and told me to rub it on the sores. I did it, and the test came back positive.
I tried a few different antibiotics but none of them worked. My GP just shrugged his shoulders and said that most syphilis cases do not progress to neurosyphilis and that I can live a long life with it.
*PS - Don't worry, syphilis chancres eventually disappear from the skin and go deep into your bloodstream. It is not contagious after the initial period.*
**TL;DR:** Failed driver test, visited a brothel, got antibiotic-resistant syphilis. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU I ruined a family cruise by bringing weed. | This was a decade ago. I was living in CA and using weed to combat anxiety, ADHD and insomnia. My Mom called, my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He was given 6 months to a year to live. I am close with my parents and it was pretty devastating news. I took a leave to drive to Florida, where they had retired, to spend some time with them. I drove because I needed my "medication" and was really nervouse about flying with it. My folks also don't aprove of cannabis or any drugs, so having my car would give me a place to smoke privately.
Three days of driving later, I arrived, unt and Uncle (Dad's rich pastor brother) were at the house. They anounced they were paying for a Carribean cruise for the whole familly. The cruise was for 10 days and left in 5 days. I pannicked, I began to desperately think of an excuse not to go because the thought of dealing with 10 days of no weed terrified me. The problem was that I had to head back home 2 days after the cruise, so my time with Dad would be short. I could not come back out until summer, and wouldn't forgive myself if that was too late. Thats when I made a plan, this is where I fucked up.
I read online that I needed a doctors note for medications that were controlled substances and to declare them on arrival. I deduced that since I am from a state with legal medical weed, I could bring "medicine" on board. I am pretty creative with photoshop, and I had some scans of medical documents, tests and reciepts from my doctor. The issue, and my downfall, these were records for my Dad, from when they moved out east. We shared the same doctor in CA, we also share the same first and last name, and middle initial so those I didnt need to change. Sortly I had altered a treamnent plan and a presciption for my dads gout, to a medical marijuana document for me. So I thought.
The day of the cruise, I convinced my cousins to come an hour early with me to the port so I would not be boarding with my folks. I told them I had a prescription and some medication I didnt want to concern my folks with at this time. They pryed, I told them it was for weed, they gave me high fives. At security I proudly produced my documents and my profesionaly packaged weed. To my surprise, they took both, bagged it and said it would go to the ships doctor who would contact me.
An hour later, everone had boarded and the whole crew of us(15 or 17 i think) were gathered on deck. All enjoying a drink and some snacks from the buffet while we waited for our rooms and luggage. The doctor and my medication were on my mind. Sure enough, my name is anounced to report to medical. Everyone, including my dad assumed it was for him (same name) and he gets up to go to medical. All I could think was to tell my Mom to relax and I went with Dad. I hoped the receptionist would clarify it was for me and I would have a private covo with the doctor and get my medicine. I was wrong, very wrong.
The Nurse asked for my Dads ID. I identified myself as the son with the same name but she just asked my dad if he wanted me to go into the office with him to speak to the doctor. Dad said yes, my stomach was in my throat.
We waited in the exam room for a couple minutes and the doctor came in and sat down. He looked right ar my dad and said " Your dealing with some very serious medical issues. I just spoke with your doctor and I am afraid that we are not equiped to deal with possible issues or complications on this ship". He continued that he would have to dissembark within a hour and could not go on the cruise.
He did go on to explain that he had called the CA doctor as he felt something was not right with the documents I had made. The receptionist asked for the patient number, which I neglected to change, and informed him that all the records had been forwarded to my dads new doctor in Florida. The ships doctor then called my dads current doctor who said my dad was really sick and had not returned urgent calls regarding his test results. I had never seen my dad so deflated. Doc produced my bag of medication and told me that if I was getting off the ship with my dad, I could pick it up at security when I left. I truly wished it was me who was dying in that moment. All I could say was "Sorry, this is my fault." and we walked in silence.
We when back up and joined the group. Dad took mom aside for a quick conversation, then they anounced they were getting off the ship and wanted eveyone else to enjoy the cruise. Everyone initially wanted to leave with them, but after some tears and hugs it was decided that everyone would continue on. I opted to leave with my parents.
I spent the next two weeks of at their home, it was some of the best bonding/healing family time in my life.The story about the weed came out to all, shock and awe in our religeous clan. My folks actually told me I was free to smoke on the deck, they came to find it humerous.
My uncle was furrious, he came over after the cruise and found me and Dad in the back yard. I had just lit a blunt, and Uncle started in on dad about family and respect. Dad took the joint from my hand, took a small puff, looks at my uncle and says "My doctor said it might help my apetite". My uncle left, but he is not a bad guy and he did call an apologize the next day.
We enjoyed a few more blunts over the next days. I ended up sending a dad a few "care packages" from Cali, and was able to spend three weeks with him in the summer. My Dad made it to the following Chrismas. Maybe as we aproach christmas this story surfaced for me. Love you Dad, miss you.
TL;DR: I took weed on a cruise and ended up outing my dads advanced illness, resulting in him being refused on the boat. Apollogies for formatting/spelling.
EDIT: Wow, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it's been educational. I am suprised at the amount of people that are convinced that pharmacuticals are superior to natural plant medicine. I guess the 375 million Big Pharma spent on lobbyists this year is working. I will stand by my MEDICINE based on my decades of personal experience, my own doctors support and its 5000 year documented use as a healing plant. That said, believe every human has a right to dominion over their own body, so you do you.
Respect to those who called me out, if this were AITA, I am with you A-Hole for the win.
To those who wanted to label me an addict, that may be a valid evaluation based on the story provided.I can say, I am healthier by evey metric of mental and physical health than I was a decade ago. I rarely drink, I dont take any pharma, and I use cannabis less, and in a more conscious way than before.
Special thanks to those who reported me to reddit as maybe needing help, I did not know that was possible, and it is good to know if I encounter someone struggling.
&#x200B; | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by suggesting a 3some to a customer with myself and my work bestie | Never thought I'd have a TIFU post so soon, but here we are. Currently typing this out during my lunch as I (22m) stuff my face with Panda Express at a hardware store I work at.
About an hour and a half into my shift, I was facing the shelves for our store's seasonal area and helping nearby customers. For those that don't know, facing is basically bringing items forward to make the shelf look fuller. Anyway, I get to a customer that only speaks Spanish. While I don't know Spanish, my work bestie, "Ana," does, and she was nearby in the same area. I told the customer to stand by as I went to fetch her, and this is where things get weird.
I approach Ana and I see she's helping a customer, or so I thought. For the sake of the story, we'll call him Douche. So I'm about to talk and she cuts me off. Right when she sees me, she interrupts "This is my boyfriend." I know she has a bf, so i think, I guess he came to see his gf at work. How cute. We chat, and Douche was like "This is my girl," while having a smile. Thinking that I was in a friend-of-a-friend situation, I let the professional act slide a bit and joked by blurting out "Yeah well I go both ways," while also giving a sort of sexual smirk.
Douche looks slightly uncomfortable and their chatter dies down until he asks for Ana's Instagram. She rejects him with a "You can follow, but I won't guarantee that I'll follow back." I start connecting the dots as he decides it's not worth it and walks off. Then, I direct Ana to the other customer in question to help her out while I wait for her to tell me wtf just happened.
After helping the customer, Ana comes back to spill tea. Apparently, that wasn't her bf. Just some random ass guy that was hitting on her. Despite Ana telling Douche that she had a bf, he wouldn't let up, wanting to have her as a contact just in case they break up. Sleezy af. In order to stick around longer, he was asking for prices on lights, even though the prices were on display. My slow ass realized that I was supposed to be the stand-in bf for her real one. And instead of acting straight, which is already hard enough lol, I let my inner freak out, acted even gayer than usual, and basically hinted at the possibility of having a 3some with us. Either way, it scared Douche off lmao.
While I'm happy that I helped out my work bestie, my embarrassment resulted in my Panda Express eating binge. While nothing came of it, I put my fucking job, which pays $20 an hour, on the line. Definitely gonna be less dense for Ana and more careful for my job.
TL;DR: I saved my work bestie from a horny sleeze ball by letting my inner whore out and suggesting a 3some. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by using head and shoulders shampoo as lube while masturbating. | I'm sure you all know how this goes, I sure wish I did. Throwaway to hide the shame.
Last night, I got particularly extra horny and wanted to do something special, I've almost always been a dry jacker but I figured I'd use some lube this time, to try and add some more pleasure into the mix. I looked and looked throughout my house (I'm 16, to clarify) and found nothing of the sort. So I resorted to lube alternatives, in the few times I've not went in dry in my life, I've used head and shoulders conditioner as a lube substitute. So without thinking too much I grabbed a bottle of head and shoulders anti-dandruff shampoo, and retreated into my room.
After arriving in room, I applied the shampoo onto my hand and went at it as I had plenty of times before, I noticed a burning/raw sensation on my shaft as I went and figured it was just a result of not having a good grip and ignored it. Big fucking mistake. After I came, I cleaned myself up and rinsed most of the shampoo off of myself with a wet rag, and went about my business.
Well about 30 odd minutes later I felt a strong burning sensation on my sack, and this time it was a bit much to ignore. Unfortunately the thought of getting some Aloe didn't even cross my mind so I just took my pants off, and let my junk feel the breeze, which in all honestly didn't do much. After maybe an hour of this feeling I went back into the restroom to check my stuff out. My penis has seemingly swollen, and is sensitive to the touch, and my sack looks like a fucking fried chicken breast.
I very foolishly told myself "it'll pass" and went to bed. I awoke just past 4 in the morning and the burn had increased tenfold. It was so fucking bad I contemplated taking an ice cold shower but eventually the pain calmed down some, and I decided against a shower. I fell back asleep and woke up today, the burn is still present, and my shit still looks all fucked up. I looked around on Google for anything about Head and Shoulders burns on the groin area and found quite a few posts from here, ironically enough.
Well in the posts I very quickly learned that I had fucking chemical burns on my balls. This of course has increased my panic from "ehh you just had a bad reaction to it" to "your dick and balls have been damaged possibly permanently". As I read on in those posts, I saw a variety of responses, most of them were either telling those guys to see a doctor or that it had happened to others before and just passed in a few days.
So yeah, I fucked up BAD. And now I'm scared out of my mind of the possibility I'll have to tell my (very old fashioned) grandparents that I need to see a doctor because I burned my ballsack trying to get off. But on the other hand, pretty much everyone in those stories agreed that the burn passes in a week or so. And at the moment I'm pondering on if I should just ride on for the week until it (hopefully) goes away or bite the bullet and have the most embarrassing doctor's trip of my life just to potentially get told they can't do much.
TL;DR: I got chemical burns on my dick and balls after masturbating with Head and Shoulders shampoo and am scared I'll have to go to the doctor.
UPDATE: I woke up this morning and the burning was gone, which was nice. But to my horror it appears that my shit MIGHT be infected. The area on my ballsack that was burned has turned dark green and hurts to the touch, and my urethra looks fucking gross. It has swollen and it's turned into a pale green color on my peehole. I don't care how embarrassing it is, I'm seeing a doctor.
UPDATE #2: So for any who might still be seeing this post, I have since seen a doctor. They looked at my junk, told me I didn't have an infection and prescribed me a handful of drugs to take. I managed to convince my grandparents that I thought the shampoo would work on my pubes and that's why I used it, and I'm like 70% sure they believed that. That pale green stuff on my urethra I mentioned in the last post has come off, and I've also experienced some peeling on my sack while in the shower. To anyone reading this, please be careful about what you put on your balls.
FINAL UPDATE: Well, if anyone is still reading this post, I'm happy to announce that after a few days of pain, a doctor's trip, and a few disgustingly satisfying peeling sessions down there, everything is back to normal. The stuff I was prescribed has helped greatly. To anyone who found themselves in a similar situation to mine, and is reading this post, forget the embarrassment, see a doctor. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by getting kicked out of bed by an angry woman | Obligatory this didn't happen today and this is not my normal Reddit account for obvious reasons.
So the other day I went to visit my FWB I'd been seeing for the last 2.5 years. We've slowly moved towards real dating/relationship stuff since around August. But have still kept things fairly casual because we both have kids from previous marriages that are young adults/teens with some issues and we don't want to rush anything, we both have some financial issues and financial entanglements with former partners that are messy and involved (15 year marriage for me, 13 year common law partner ship for him) and we didn't want to do the whole drag a new partner into an old mess thing. So we haven't done the introduce kids and parents to the new person thing yet.
In fact we've still both got a former partner still lurking and attending kid functions and family functions.
Neither of us was phased by that, when kids and decades and mortgages are involved it's always messy until divorces are finalized and everyone finds a new normal and we met unintentionally long before either of us had intended to start dating again.
Fast forward to the other day and were cuddling in his bed, when we hear the back door open and a woman's voice call out his name, and again, as the sound of heeled boots click across tiled floors I frantically snuck under the covers as she walks into the bedroom and demands to know whom he has over as she doesn't recognize the pair of blue sneakers at the door.
I pull back the blanket, to see a very beautiful, very angry looking woman in a gorgeous pants suit glaring at my boyfriend as she gives me a once-over and barks at me to "get out of her house."
Which I immediately scramble to do, throwing on my hoodie and bright blue wal-mart sneakers.
I hear him very calmly say to her "Debra* this is Sarah*, Sarah, this is my wife Debra".
I have no idea what happened next because I was out the door down the street and on a bus to the other side of town faster than a bullet leaves a gun.
However, upon some digging around her social media accounts later that day I came to find out that not only is she not "the ex" I'd been lead to understand, but they got married this past August. As in about 2 years into my relationship with him.
So yeah TLDR; TIFU by accidentally being someone's mistress for the better part of 3 years and only finding out when his wife walked in on us in their bed.
*names changed to protect the guilty and the innocent. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by Not Following The Directions on My Inhaler and Getting an Unnecessary Tonsillectomy | This happened around 2002. I had chronic asthma and cats (definitely related), and so my doctor put me on an inhaled corticosteroid (I think Pulmicort), which worked a treat. So much so, in fact, that I didn't even think about it. A couple of puffs every day, and the cats could sleep on my face for all I cared. Stuff worked great.
So I'm cruising through life renewing this prescription with not a care in the world...except a very slight, not even worth mentioning, pain in my throat. Finally I'd had enough and went to the doctor about it. He prescribed antibiotics, antifungal gargles, antifungal pills...and I don't remember what else. But nothing worked. Finally, the nuclear option: I had my tonsils taken out, at age 38.
And guess what. Still didn't fix the problem. I was at my wits' end. Then one day I just happened to run out of stuff to read while on the toilet, and I grabbed the instructions for my latest reload of Pulmicort out of the trash and began reading. Long story short: yeah. You're supposed to gargle after inhaling that stuff. I'd never gargled once after inhaling that stuff. So I started. My 3-year battle with mild throat pain--and the unnecessary tonsillectomy--ended within days. It was the inhaler, and my arrogance at thinking I didn't need to read instructions for a stupid inhaler.
TLDR; Gargle after you use a steroidal inhaler. I didn't and had a multi-year battle with throat pain that even a tonsillectomy didn't fix. Gargling to rinse the residue out of my mouth fixed it within days. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by taking my cat to the vet an hour and a half away. | So, I had to take my cat to the vet to get neutered and decided to schedule an appointment at a vet that was close to my brother so I could spend some time with him. I frequently drive with my cat so he is pretty tame but I have never taken him for that length of time before so I put him in his kennel. The drive was going great no issues. UNTIL I was maybe 20 minutes away from the vet. I was listening to music and I started to smell something awful. At first I thought maybe I was driving by cows or some kind of animal until I look over and see my cat walking in circles with poop all over him. It was disgusting I didn’t know what to do so I rolled the windows down to try and breath through the stench. I was able to pull over for a second and took the top layer of the pee pad out of the kennel so I could get rid of some of the smell. I continued on my way to the vet and about 2 minutes away from getting there he does it again. The issue here is I guess I didn’t close the kennel all the way and HE GOT OUT. He got it all over my back seats, jumped up to the front seat and smeared on the center console/seat and floor. Then he stopped having a freak out he started squatting on the floor and did it again. (I was driving on one of those back road highways so not many places to pull over) what I did not expect was him trying to lunge at me and hit my car out of gear! I was trying desperately to get him off and didn’t notice until last second a stop sign was coming up. I had no time to stop so I tried to go faster to avoid a collision just to find out I couldn’t accelerate. I quickly changed it back to gear and floored it and luckily no accidents happened. Right after I arrived to the vet got him in the kennel and apologized profusely to them about the state he was in. (Thankfully they were understanding) I left and went to my brothers and spent time cleaning up my car and everything. When his surgery was done he was sedated and didn’t have to worry about another freak out.
TL;DR
I took my cat to a vet an hour and a half away, he pooped, got it all over my car, hit my car out of gear and almost got into an accident. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by claiming some abandoned lamps | I was just on my way to my parents house not even half an hour ago when I saw a box of abandoned lamps on the path. I'm one of those types that will try to make use of anything I find.
It was raining this morning and the lamps were wet (still are lol), but I still thought I could use them somehow so I brought them the rest of the way with me. My mum wasn't happy when I told her about them, she was saying they were flytipped and now we have to deal with them, but I was insistent. Side note: in UK Thurrock, starting from April, bins are going to be emptied fortnightly instead of weekly, which will increase flytipping.
Shortly after, she gets a chance to look at them... the wires have been cut. Completely useless trash. Whoops! Sorry mum!
TL:DR - if you're going to claim something that's been abandoned, check it's use able first.
Edit: I appreciate all the advice on how to fix the lamps, honestly, but my mum is far too convinced they're just trash and I don't know how to fix them, I wouldn't trust myself to mess with them. Still, at least I know they're salvageable, so thanks for that :) | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by using outdated stamps to send Christmas cards. | TLDR at bottom.
Okay, yes, I know I'm a bit late sending out Christmas cards.
Anyway, I've been up late tonight, driving duties for my bf's Christmas party. I picked him up and we got back about 15 minutes ago (he was surprisingly sober) and I thought I'd finish this post before I went to bed.
So, Christmas cards. I had a few hours to kill so I thought it'd be the best time to write and send my Christmas cards. Friends, family, colleagues; I had a nice little list of about 30 people to send cards to.
I actually quite enjoyed sitting in the dining room with some music and some candles, to get all my cards written. On my way out I stopped by the postbox, dropped the cards in, and carried on my day.
When I went to buy some replacement stamps, I noticed a note on the Royal Mail website. All non-barcode stamps expired at the start of 2023.
Wait, wha- oh. Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUUUCK.
Obviously I can't retrieve my letters from a postbox, so now my Christmas cards are going to their recipients who'll have to pay for them.
Not only have I wasted about £25 in stamps I could have exchanged, I now have to message everybody who I sent a card to saying either don't bother paying for it, or if you want the card, I'll cover the cost.
I thought I'd have to deal with a drunk bf that'd annoy me but he's just showered and gone straight to bed. This was probably the last thing I thought I'd be going to bed annoyed about.
My bf is a typical guy and doesn't send Christmas cards. I think I might have to do the same next year, fuck me if I'm spending £100 on Christmas cards it's probably cheaper for me to drive around and hand deliver them.
Fucks sake.
TLDR: Used some stamps that I bought 12 months ago, now might end up needing to pay £75 in Royal Mail charges so friends can receive a Christmas card, plus throwing away another £25 in the stamps I used.
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"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by graphically flirting with my wife in public | This actually happened today. My wife and I were waiting for a ridiculously slow elevator in the parking garage after a live nativity event. I began innocently flirting with her. As it will, the tone became more adult. The doors opened at the exact moment I confidently announced "I'll bump your cervix" (I am nothing if not a romantic at heart.)
I found myself making eye contact with a mother surrounded by four teen girls and a grandmother. My wife turned several shades of red and studiously studied her shopping bag. I stared into the middle distance and willed myself not to giggle like a 13 year old boy.
It was an excruciatingly long ride down.
Wife is still irritated and is still blushing.
TL;DR. Flirted with my wife and was inadvertently crude in front of an elevator full of women. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by eating sour candy in my late 20s | Marked NSFW for mentions of [legal] cannabis use.
I've always loved sour candy. I used to absolutely rip up my tongue eating whole bags of Sour Patch Kids. I rarely eat candy now as an adult; if I do, it's a few pieces here and there.
I have health problems, and I was having a flare up last night, so I took cannabis. The edibles I use are sour blue raspberry gummies. Sometimes they trigger my dormant love for sour candy. I happened to have some in the house, so I poured a handful of candies into a bowl, and sat down to enjoy.
And then the edibles kicked in. I got the munchies hard. The sour candies slowly morph into the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life. So I go back into the kitchen and fill my bowl once again.
I woke up this morning, and my teeth hurt. I tried to eat breakfast, but it felt like my teeth had been freshly sandpapered. They've felt like this all day. I didn't even eat the whole bag! If it doesn't get better by Monday, I'm going to call my dentist.
TL;DR TIFU by eating too many [but still far fewer than I used to] sour candies while under the influence of cannabis. My teeth feel like TV static.
Edit (the next day): woke up this morning, and things seemed to have resolved. Thank you to everyone who suggested remedies.
To summarize the recommended course of action, drink lots of water; drink milk/eat cheese to neutralize the acid; brush your teeth, but not immediately after; use a remineralizing toothpaste, if possible. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by telling my ex that he is a Narcssist | I told my ex that he was a Narcissist because he truly has the tendencies. He would always bring up how well liked he is and how every girl ever really loves him and he thinks it's funny that they don't believe him when he tells them he's not interested. He rang me up to talk about something random and ended up bragging again. I told him he shouldn't be playing people the way he does and that he could be a Narcissist considering his behaviour befits it. He absolutely flipped back at me telling me how I was the last person who he thought would ever judge him and he never judges people that he loves and how it means I never loved him and/or wanted to be with him long-term and he is enraged by the fact that I thought he was what he was. I explained to him that it was just for him to self reflect and he asked me to shut up and reiterated how stupid and immature he thinks I am. He then told me that for the sake of his mental peace, I would never be hearing from him again and blocked me from one of the many platforms he has me on. I haven't tried reaching out since. I am not sure how to feel.
TL;DR my ex flipped out at me and blocked me because I called him a Narcissist | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by being inadvertently accidentally racist | So, I’m the middle school head wrestling coach at my old school. We had a tournament today (yes, an actual TIFU), but both of my assistants are out sick, so I had to take some of the high school assistants with me. One happens to be an African American guy; he’s super chill from what I know, but I don’t know him all that well because he’s newer to our program (this adds to the awkward embarrassment).
So he and I are coaching one of our wrestlers (Caucasian American), who was wrestling an African American kid. Our guy proceeds to win the match, but at the end, the kid started holding his leg like it’s all messed up. Turns out it was a bad cramp. So being nice and feeling bad, when he came to shake hands, I said “oh man, good match. Go eat a banana”. I wasn’t really thinking and just making a small comment to seem more genuine rather than the usual “good job”. The coach I’m with lets out a “Ha”.
Then it hit me what I said and so I yelled “TO GET SOME POTASSIUM IN YOU” kinda awkwardly afterward, and to which I don’t know if the kid really fully heard me (I hope to God he did).
I was too embarrassed by the entire thing to bring it up again, even to explain myself. I don’t even know how either really took it, and if I brought it up to him, I was afraid he would think I’m being racist for even acknowledging that I’m aware of African Americans being hatefully called “monkeys” by racist pieces of shit? Idk, I’m overthinking. Just feeling bad. Hopefully they both didn’t even take it a negative way.
TLDR; I made an offhand comment telling a student of color to go eat a banana (to get potassium for his cramp!), while working with a newly acquainted coworker of color. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by being a dysfunctional human being | Yesterday my aunt (50F) and I (27F) went to a big artisans' fair. It's located in a huge exibition ground with ten pavilions, each hosting stands from all over the world.
After lunch, we decided it was time for an Italian style coffee.
While changing pavilions, we spotted a café and decided to head there. As we approached the building, a couple of guys held the door open for us. We thanked them and my aunt started making conversation with them, by saying something along the line of how there aren't many gentlemen nowadays.
They stood next to us in line, then my aunt and one of them decided to head to a table and wait for me and the other guy to come back with the coffees.
The conversation was flowing rather smoothly, not that we were talking about anything particular, just about where we were from and what we were doing for a living.
I was super awkward though, as in I could not go with the flow of the conversation or even ask interesting question - it was as if my brain was frozen.
Then my aunt decided it was time to go to the next pavilion and we simply just left.
I FU because during all of the conversation I didn't even ask them for their names nor their contact information. I only know their birth year, their workplace, where they are from (which is more than 70 km away). They were both really cute and I'm now wondering whether they were trying to make a move on me/us or something... Well I guess we'll never know, but I really feel like a moron for not being a good conversationalist or to score at least their contact information.
TL;DR: I met two cute guys, chit-chatted a bit but left without even exchanging names and/or contacts because I'm socially dysfuncional 🥲 | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by accidentally sending my mom an explicit image. | My mom is a nice Christian lady. Yesterday she texted me and my brother that she is traveling up to some retreat house on the North Shore with a bunch of her church friends, and that she won't be looking at her phone for 6 days.
She's gone on retreats like this before. She always spends the first few days after she gets home sighing haughtily and bragging about how in-tune she feels with Jesus.
Anyway, last night I was talking to my brother on the phone, and we got to the subject of the time I spent in the Air Force. After basic training, they gave me and all my fellow recruits our phones back, and sent us to live in some dormitories for a few months while we did our technical training.
I lived on the third floor of the dorm. The Airmen Leaders on my floor had set up a WhatsApp chat to facilitate chores and other cleaning responsibilities, but the chat rapidly devolved into a breeding ground for all kinds of bizarre, oddly-specific memes that the gamer kids living on the floor kept sending.
The Airmen Leaders repeatedly said that memes were not allowed in the chat, but that didn't slow things down in the slightest. At all hours of the day and night, my phone was pinging and blowing up with weird-as-fuck memes that I didn't understand.
The straw that finally broke the camel's back was when somebody sent a meme featuring a thicc and stacked Winnie The Pooh wearing a tight thong and bra, stumbling around with a honey jar stuck on his (her?!?) head, and knocking various things over with his fat ass and tig-old-bitties.
After that, they shut the chat down and made it so only the Airmen Leaders could post.
Anyway, I told this whole story to my brother and he thought it was hilarious. I tried searching Google images for the meme so I could send it to him, but I couldn't find it. I was, however, able to find an image that was in the same vein as the meme, so I downloaded it and texted it to him...
...But I didn't just text it to him! *I texted it it to the group message that my mom had started to tell us that she was going on her retreat!!!*
Anyway, now I don't know what the fuck I should do. Should I travel up to the North Shore, break into my mom's car and steal her phone? I'm seriously considering it, because as things stand now, she'll be walking out of that retreat house in 5 days, full to the brim with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, only to turn on her phone and immediately be visually assaulted by [this](https://i0.wp.com/i.redd.it/7m0xp3os7ik41.jpg?fit=960%2C960&ssl=1) image.
What should I do?
TL;DR TIFU by accidentally sending my mom a picture of thicc Winnie the Pooh.
UPDATE: It turns out my mom wasn't as committed to going the full six days without looking at her phone as she originally said she was. She called me this morning. In this instance, it turned out that honestly was the best policy-- I just told her exactly what I wrote here. She actually laughed pretty hard, and before we hung up, she assured me that she was going to pray for Winnie the Pooh to quit his whoring ways. Thanks for the advice, everyone! | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU crashing the wrong party BEFORE showing up to a dinner on the wrong day | So for some background, I have social anxiety so I felt uncomfortable the entire day in anticipation of going to a potluck dinner.
Outside the building, I ring the apartment but get no answer, before two people appear behind me and I let them open the door. I assume they are going to the same dinner as me, but boy was I wrong. As they are going up the stairs I overhear one ask the other if his bottle was water or vodka, which probably could have been another hint they were attending a different gathering, as the host I knew had recently given up drinking. I take off my shoes when they do and follow them into their party. I notice everyone else is a lot more dressed up than me, I ask if they knew the host, and quickly learn I am in the wrong place and promptly exit. I then check the invitation again and see what the correct apartment was, and go ring that one twice to no answer. I check the invitation again and notice it’s not today. Shortly after, a message is sent to everyone reminding them when the event will be, which I assume was sent in response to my blunder.
I had made an entry in my calendar for today, I’m not sure whether the dinner got postponed or I just made a calendar entry for the wrong day but either way, there goes my Friday evening. I missed something else to go to this.
TLDR: Crashed a party at the wrong apartment before going to the right apartment to learn it’s the wrong day.
ETA: Apparently the event was postponed and I just didn't get the memo. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for not properly disposing of "fun supplies" | Ex-girlfriend and I liked to use rope and other toys during our special fun time. When we broke up she took the more obvious stuff for her to use but I was forced to keep the rope.
Due to being back at school and having a negative income, I am living at home. Every winter we have a cleaning spree to make way for the new stuff that's coming as Christmas gifts. So I got a garbage bag and chucked the rope in along with some regular garbage (old pillowcases and such). I did not expect my mom to look in the bag when throwing her stuff out and asked why I had a rope. I lied and said I used it to tie stuff up for when I travel and she asked if she could use it to make satchel bags for people as Christmas gifts.
Now my mom's friends and family are gonna have satchel bags that have my bondage rope as their drawstrings.
TL;DR- Didn't discreetly dispose of the rope my ex and I used for bondage and thought my mom wouldn't look in the garbage bag and found the rope. Now she's using the rope to make satchels for my family as Christmas gifts. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for posting some fun images of my puppy on pet-sitting app | My partner and I went out for an event and needed a pet sitter for our pup who was recovering from an injury. Last week, I made an account on a pet-sitting app and added a few fun pictures to his profile. I didn’t realize I fat fingered a few other photos inside of my library that were mostly harmless.
A few weeks ago, I was walking my pup along our building and saw a flesh light! A flesh light just covered in dirt and wood chips and thought it was HILARIOUS! Sent it to all my friends and totally forgot about it. I was double checking my pets profile because his pictures were just so silly and I wanted to remember what I had posted. Puppy photo, puppy photo, FLESH LIGHT. I was MORTIFIED. The sitter would have had to view the photos before accepting the reservation and they didn’t say a word when they arrived to our place. I can never use the app again.
TL;DR: Accidentally included a photo of a dirty, wood-chip covered flesh-light I found on the sidewalk on my puppy’s pet-sitting app profile. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU Submitted a letter of recommendation from a disgraced professor | I (24M) was submitting my application to graduate school (a couple months ago), which is the same school I attended for my undergrad. My first and primary letter of recommendation was from a professor I had two years ago, and thought was really good. I wondered why after so long I still hadn't heard anything back, even a rejection. I have friends that have been both accepted and rejected to this very program, so I knew I should have gotten some form of correspondence by now.
Come to find out, my old favorite professor has been fired (a year ago) for inappropriate relations with female students. I had no idea and never would have guessed that he would do something like that, let alone for a prolonged period of time. I still haven't heard anything from them, and this was months ago now. So they either think I am an idiot for not knowing, or a terrible person for not caring. :')
edit: It is kinda funny I'm realizing I definitely caused a "You're gonna wanna come look at this" moment in the admissions office LOL
edit 2: I'm really not too broken up about this, I think it's funny, don't spend too much energy giving advice, I feel bad.
TL;DR: My primary letter of recommendation was from a professor who was a creep, university ghosted me. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by laughing at my husband when he told me that his fish fell down the drain | It was a really good day today, I woke up with a smile knowing it’s the weekend but that was until I opened my dm’s to check on my messages that’s when I saw that message that will forever change my life and my relationship with my husband. In that text he told me that his fish fell down the drain. And I couldn’t stop myself from laughing because I thought it was a joke, I completely forgot that he had a fish and my husband was mad about that, I kept begging for his forgiveness but he said that he wouldn’t forgive me unless I get it out of the pipes. How does he expect me to get it out? So I offered to buy him another fish but he said that he “wants his og shimcha” (shimcha is the name of that fish) also why would anyone clean the fish tank next to the sink??? please help me I don’t know what to do. My husband wont forgive me.
TLDR; I laughed at my husband when he told me that his fish fell down the drain.
update:
So to start off, me and my husband dont live together (due to a reason that i will not be sharing online) thats why he texted me. I thought that was kinda obvious though..
I shared the story because of how ridiculious it is and i genuinely didnt know what to do. My husband did calm down though and he apologised for his stubornness.
I also read that some people think that my husband was mad at me because his fish fell in the drain. No, he was mad at me because i laughed at him when he said his fish fell in the drain, he did try and get it out of the drain by taking it apart but it was already gone.
and i saw some people being confused about the fact i said it was the weekend on friday? Do some of you not have weekend on fridays?
We got over ourselves and laughed about it when he came over. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU allowing my friend to use my camera | My friend recently asked me if he could borrow my camera. For the record, I'm employed as a camera operator at a media company and I have my own camera. It's an expensive camera, so when my friend asked if he could use it, I was a little hesitant. My friend said his long distance gf was hopping on a plane to spend a few days with him and he wanted to film their time together. I asked my friend what was wrong with using his iPhone and he said he wanted my camera because he was in love with the "movie look" of my videos.
I tried to convince my friend that he didn't really need an expensive camera to make his shots look cinematic, but his mind was made up, he wanted my camera and he was willing to pay me for it. I allowed him to borrow my camera free of charge based on the agreement that he applied what I taught him about my camera. Auto focus is your ally. Play it safe. Stick to the basics. No need to go full on Roger Deakins for picnics or long walks on the beach or some shit. My friend returned my camera yesterday and said he was more than satisfied with the results.
I inspected my camera for potential damage or changed settings when my friend was gone and realized he failed to format the card inside the camera. All the footage he shot was still on the card. Picnic with the gf, check. Long walk on the beach, check. Glow in the dark mini golf, check. Naked gf in my friend's bedroom, che... wait what the fuck? Boobs? Butthole? Blowjob? I didn't actually play any of the footage, thank fuck, I was just scanning through the collection of thumbnails, which provided more than enough information that I will struggle to unsee for the rest of my life.
My friend most likely forgot to erase the footage on the card when he was done saving. I do not want to assume I can wipe the card clean without confirmation, so at some point I need to contact my friend and inform him that all his footage is still on the card before I can proceed to delete everything. I'm not looking forward to that conversation because I know it's gonna be awkward as fuck.
**TL:DR**
I allowed my friend to borrow my camera and now I know he likes to film boobs, buttholes and blowjobs because he forgot to erase the footage when he returned my camera. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by annoying my boyfriend by playing thesong "fortnite balls" too much | Me (19F) and my bf(20M) are very playful together and love annoying the hell out of each other. I am especially someone who loves hanging on to a running joke way longer than I should. So he's an avid fortnite player and one day, I discovered this hilarious song called "Fortnite balls" by the artist Kanye East. The song has absolutely nothing to do with Fortnite other than the word itself, but I showed it to my boyfriend and he HATED it. One day I lost my airpods and he gave me his to borrow, so even after I gave them back, my phone still automatically connected to his airpods. I made it a ritual to play it on my phone every time he puts them in, and I did it so much that he has to hold my phone while he connects them (then I use my ipad instead).
It got worse and worse and I would hide Fortnite balls wherever I could. Graffeting his notes, switching his airpods with mine, in birthday cards, (almost wrote it on his birthday cake too), using imovie to make a fake youtube video of a college lecture which abruptly cuts to the song. For christmas, I even bought one of those "singing cards" that will play any recorded audio when the card is opened and loaded Fortnite balls into it (he left the room and I had to beg him to come back). Today was his final straw. We were studying at the library and when he left to take a walk, I logged onto his laptop after guessing his password and played Fortnite balls on his phone by connecting it to his Spotify through the website. It ended up playing OUT LOUD from his pocket and he stormed back unamused, packed all his stuff, and left very pissed. I don't know how to ever get him to trust me again, and how one would even apologize for this without dying of laughter.
TL;DR: I played a very stupid hilarious song that my boyfriend hates and it broke the camel's back.
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\*\*\*\*\*MAJOR UPDATE: THE KANYE EAST HIMSELF FOUND MY POST AND WANTS TO MAKE AN APOLOGY VIDEO FOR MY BOYFRIEND!!!
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EDIT: Y'all are so dramatic LMAO. He packed his stuff up because he didnt want me to find a way to sneak more fortnite balls into his laptop/ backpack. If my boyfriend genuinely wanted me to stop, he could just tell me. I'm pretty sure he secretly enjoys seeing what creative way i can torment him with the dumbest song on earth. I even asked him if he actually wanted me to stop and he couldnt even give a clear answer because I know he thinks its hilarious. Imagine having to explain to people that fortnite balls ended your relationship LMAO
EDIT 2: Last edit. This is my first and last reddit post ever, I cant handle the heat lol. I think posting this made me realize how exaggeration and sarcasm doesnt get translated well over text (or maybe im too bad at it).
For the record, his disapproval of the song is a joke in and of itself, he said so himself. When he walked out of the library yesterday, he wanted to jokingly punish me (He came back to my room and we cuddled all night long as usual) but at the time of writing this post, I thought he was actually mad. I felt like crying this whole day because hundreds of people were telling me I was a horrible gf whose already an ex, when I made this post just to make people laugh and show off my horrible creativity. I showed him this post and he deleted reddit off my phone and said "See this is why I told you to stop using this stupid app".
| {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by wrongly accusing a guy of selling me a fake guitar | Technically this was yesterday, but whatever. I've decided to study music at college, and I've been making some rushed decisions on buying gear for it. I have an electric and a classical guitar (which was my dad's originally). So I've been wanting a steel string acoustic.
I woke up and found a Fender FA-115 (one of the cheapest models) on Facebook Marketplace, almost new, for 100 dollars. I thought it was such a bargain, I even thought of selling my stuff or looking for quick ways of making money as fast as possible.
Then my mom came home from work and said my grandma left $100 to me for Christmas. I asked for it in advance and she gave the money to me.
I quickly contacted the seller and he told me he had to sell it that same day or the next. The next day I was gonna be busy so I said "today". He lived far away so he chose a bus station to make the sell. I was suspicious because you can't really hear or try a guitar in a crowded bus station, but I accepted anyway.
I met him at the bus station at around 7:10 pm. There were coffee shops around where we could sit but the place and the guy were making me anxious so I just sat on the floor to look at the guitar. I was planning on playing it to test it but I just gave it a few strums and it was out of tune. This doesn't mean anything by itself, but fake/bad guitars usually can't stay in tune so it could be seen as a bad sign. Also there was no hope of ever tuning it in there since it was loud and I couldn't hear shit.
I just paid him then and he quickly rushed out. Then I started to look at the guitar more carefully and something seemed off. The headstock logo looked funny. It wasn't what I remembered from looking at the Fender FA-115 guitar on Youtube videos. Or any instance of the Fender logo whatsoever. It gave me huge fake vibes.
I desperately grabbed my phone and started looking up the guitar on google, to verify if it was fake or real. But the internet reception was bad since it was an undergroud station. Good enough for Facebook Messenger, not enough for web browsing. I was panicking and started walking around the place to get a signal, dragging along the guitar which he gave me in a huge box.
The seller even walked past me after that, he stuck around in the station to get an ice cream, meanwhile I was extremely stressed trying to get my search results on the phone. I thought about stopping him and confronting him about the guitar but I hadn't gathered the evidence yet.
He was gone and I saw another person who was carrying a guitar. Wanted to ask him if he knew if my guitar was fake or not. But I was embarrassed so i didn't. Instead I decided to exit the station and go upstairs to find better cell reception. It was a kind of mall upstairs so it was also very crowded which added to my anxiety. But I finally found the pictures of the original guitar from the official Fender website and they were in fact different! I even looked up more examples and could only find one or two (unknown to me) sites that showed the same guitar that I had. I assumed those were fake as well.
So I contacted the seller and told him very firmly: "The guitar you sold me is a fake. Please come back to the station so I can get a refund". He surprisingly answered and told me to look up the serial number on the official Fender site. To my surprise it did check out. But I still insisted that a serial number could be faked and kept asking for the refund. We were on that back and forth for a good while. I kept insisting and even told him he could keep some of the money, but he refused until the end.
I was so stressed, panicking and anxious that I wanted to die. I really thought I just bought a fake. I had to be home early so I could get up in the morning to go to a job training thing which was at 7:30 AM. Yet I was far away from home late at night. I went back home and arrived at like 10:30 PM.
At home I tuned the guitar, played it and it sounded pretty decent, just like in the showcase videos I saw. I also started looking up on the web and found more stuff that indicated the guitar was real. I had to go to sleep at midnight without knowing for sure about the authenticity of the guitar.
I barely slept 4 hours today. And because of that I was falling asleep at the job training thing. I arrived home today and investigated some more and have reached the conclusion that the guitar is indeed legit. I found other acoustic guitar models on the Fender website which had that weird logo, Youtube videos and ads on reputable sites such as Sweetwater and Reverb.
I feel so sorry and guilty. I actually sent out an apology to the seller but he hasn't responded or seen it. I could've avoided all of this. I made him and myself have such a bad time.
TL;DR: Bought an acoustic guitar online from a rando, thought it was fake so I harassed him by asking for a refund. He denied that it was fake and refused the refund. In the end he was right, the guitar was not a fake so I harassed him for nothing and now I feel super guilty. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by accidentally telling my boss's boss's boss to sit on my face. | So customary, this actually did happen 5 minutes ago and I'm dying inside.
Here it goes, last week, the assistant of the zone manager, who is 3 levels above me in the hierarchy messaged me because apparently she had noticed I was using a "interesting" note taking device. In fact I've used the Remarkable2 tablet for years for note taking, but also life organizing and drawing, etc.
That's where the f\*\*\* up starts, I replied to the assistant telling her about the device and offered to let the zone manager try it if she wished before buying.
Today was the time I was showing her how the device works, I had quickly cleaned up my note files, made sure to open the right page to show exemple of how I was using it, etc.
Everything was going well, and all util she asked if you could draw on the tablet. Thinking I had correctly cleanup everything, I opened my drawings notebook and there, a drawing of a Sofa with a comic style bubble saying "SIT ON MY FACE" appears.
I quickly switched to the next page, and she was nice enough to ignore it, but I'm dying inside right now.
I think the drawing was pretty funny, but the peculiar type of humour needed to appreciate it doesn't really fall into the SFW side of things.
TL;DR My boss's boss's boss asked me to show her my drawing table and accidentally showed her a suggestive drawing | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by hitting my teacher’s car | So I’m (15f) getting ready to start drivers ed soon, so I’ve been driving pretty much everyone everywhere. My grandma is a sweet woman but her car has a very tiny backup cam and tiny mirrors. Anyway I was backing out and my grandma was saying “woah” over and over again I didn’t get what she meant so I kept going. We hit a car I immediately parked again. We got out and checked for damage thankfully there wasn’t any. Then my grandma started to write down her information and told me to keep watch for the driver, so if possible she could talk to them. I obliged still shaken and then as we were getting ready to leave (with me in the passenger seat) my math teacher came up to the car that I had hit, I alerted my grandmother and we got out to talk to her. I started to apologize profusely thankfully she wasn’t mad.
TLDR: I hit my math teachers car and am dreading my fourth period tomorrow. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by forgetting to hide my email on a anonymous email | So like the title says I massively fucked up by forgetting to hide my email.
For context i recently sent an email to head office complaining about the fact our Christmas staff party has been cancelled because of budget cuts and how it was unfair because not even a few month ago they had a staff party for managers and head chefs and put over £1000 behind the bar and paid for everyone’s travel to go to London (no well done or thank you to the staff though!).
They’ve also just recently announced they made £1 million in revenue for the first time ever so tell me how they can’t afford a staff Christmas party. At the end of my beautifully written email I stated that this would be anonymous to protect my job, sent it off and thought nothing off it.
That was until I got a response today and realised I forgot to hide my email before I sent it.Im currently stressing and can’t tell my gf because she’ll be annoyed I forgot to keep it anonymous lol. How fucked do you guys think I am?
TLDR: I sent a email complaining about the lack of Christmas party and forgot to hide my email and I’m now waiting on response
Edit: a lot of people seem to be confused about the hiding my email thing, I have a iCloud+ subscription. This has a feature called Hide My Email which allows you to send and receive messages without having to share your real email address by using unique, random email addresses that forward to the email address associated with your Apple ID. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by putting instructions for cooking meth in the recycling bin | A while ago I was messing around online and I found a pdf book on how to cook meth. My first FU was printing it out. That was dumb.
I then immediately lost interest (because it's complicated and difficult and I'm lazy af), put it in a cupboard, and forgot about it.
A couple of days ago I found it and since I've lost interest, thought I might as well recycle it. *I was pleased with myself for throwing something away* (fellow people with ADHD relate) So I took a million staples out of it, tore each page into 4 pieces, and then put them all in the recycling bin ready for collection this morning. This was my TIFU.
Our recycling bins are squishy, made of that woven plastic material like tarps are made of. So they're not especially wind-resistant. And it wasn't windy when I put them out, but it got windy overnight, so I woke up this morning to the whole neighbourhood littered with bits of a book on how to cook meth. Whoops.
TLDR: accidentally littered the neighbourhood with instructions on how to cook meth. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU choosing to do No Nut November and being unprepared for the boner | No Nut November. This year was my first attempt at not masturbating or having sex for an entire month. Why did I feel compelled to do this? No idea! I stopped making sense ages ago. Without wasting your time with unnecessary suspense, I'll confirm that I made it through No Nut November without cheating. The fuck up was what happened towards the end of November. A friend of mine invited me to his drag show. My friend, who's the most introverted gay guy during the day, enjoyed dressing up as an exuberant woman at night and performing at popular gay clubs.
I accepted his invitation and showed up at one of the biggest and busiest gay clubs in our area to watch him do his thing. I was there with my date, whose Reddit name will be, I dunno, Ellie or something. While Ellie or something and I were watching my friend sing and dance on stage, I could feel my bladder struggling to keep the floodgates closed. I waited until my friend had to change outfits backstage before I decided to rush to the restroom. There was a queue. My friend was in the middle of his post outfit change performance when I eventually emerged from the restroom.
At that moment, my friend was no longer just performing on stage. He was moving through the crowd while singing and dancing AND stripping. I should've followed my gut and stayed close to the restroom where I was literally out of the spotlight, at least until my friend was on the stage again, but I thought I could low key return to my seat without drawing any attention. I thought wrong. The spotlight landed on me like the Eye of Sauron as soon as I made my way back to my seat. My friend suddenly appeared next to me wearing nothing but a itty bitty thong and introduced me to the crowd as his straight friend.
My friend did not leave it at that. He made me sit down before proceeding to give me a lap dance. Keep in mind, I've not masturbated or had sex for weeks when this happened. It didn't take much to trigger a boner. As soon as my friend planted his ass on my lap and began grinding, I was rock hard. The worst part was when the lap dance was over and my friend got up. My pants did an extremely poor job of hiding my erection and the fucking spotlight on me was not helping the situation at all. It was embarrassing, not only for me, but apparently also for Ellie or something. She was literally hiding her face behind her hands.
It was an awkward end to our date. Ellie or something ghosted me afterwards and my friend has been bragging about getting me hard since the drag show. It was an unforgettable experience for all the wrong reasons, but not the worst fuck up I shared on here lol.
TL:DR Due to my random decision to avoid masturbating and sex in No Nut November, I unwillingly displayed my unexpected boner inside a crowded gay club after my friend, whose drag show I was there to support, gave me a lap dance in front of my date and now she's ghosting me because my public boner was apparently just as embarrassing for her as it was for me. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by letting myself fall for a scam. | Yesterday, I matched with this girl on tinder. We started talking and one thing led to another and we added each other on Instagram. We talked a little bit there and then she starts telling shes all bored and horny. Should have known then and there. She then says to add her discord so we can video chat there. I foolishly agree. I go to discord, I straight up make an account because I didn't have one. We start a video chat and right off the bat, "she" is naked and she starts chatting me up from chat, telling me to show her my "stuff". So I did. And almost immediately they message me saying they recorded me and will send the vids and pics they took to my family and friends. I was devastated. freaking out and wondering what to do next. I wanted to call their bluff, but they were screen sharing with me and showing me that they had the video and text box with my family members ready to go. They wanted 1000$ but somehow i convinced them to go down to 250$. They kept telling me to go to these different money sending websites to try and send them money, but each site wouldn't take my card. Eventually I convinced them to let me send them money on cashapp, but they wanted bitcoin specifically. So I sent them the money... They started to show me them deleting the files, but then went to their recycling bin and said they wanted more money to delete them from the recycling bin. I tried, but nothing was working. I finally decided to call the police. Should have done that sooner, but they told me to block them and they would get an investigation going... IDK if they sent the vids or not, but on the screenshare, it looked like they did to one or two... Its really my own fault for falling for it. Some signs that should have been obvious were her calling me handsome. them saying they dont want audio for the video chat, and her saying she was horny. I Should have know better.
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TL;DR: I trusted a girl from tinder and was blackmailed into sending her money, so she wouldnt send my nudes to family and friends. I sent money and I think she did send the pics and vids. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by sleeping with my bestfriend | So I’ve been really good friends with this girl for about 6 months now. We originally became friends through my ex. We’ve told each other tons and given advice and just generally had a really good friendship. We’ve hung out tons of times and that’s all. I never once thought that we would hookup but that all changed in an instant. We were having another normal night where we hung out, laughing and teasing each other until she suddenly pulled me towards her and kissed me. We started making out for a hot minute before pausing for a sec. She said, “so we doing this?” And all I had to say was, “I guess so.” Right after it wasn’t super weird but it’s just been feeling hella awkward and now after talking with her, I just don’t see our friendship continuing the way it was. It’s not like we’re just not gonna be friends, we just won’t be close friends. And that kills me because I don’t have anyone like that. All my friends have left and I don’t have anyone I trust anymore. So yeah…I fucked up my friendship and I would give anything to undo it.
EDIT:
I didn’t make this clear in the post so my bad. But we’ve talked and she regrets it and basically she wants us to just be friends. And she said that we shouldn’t really hang anymore and we should talk less. So I’m not really confused on my feelings, I’m more confused about her feelings since she initiated. And I feel like I fucked up because I let it happen and now she wants us to just be friends but not even close friends. I’m fine with staying good friends, or fwb or dating. Anything. But she obviously doesn’t feel that way. And doesn’t want it to happen again. And ik it’s not cause it was bad or anything
TL;DR
I slept with my bestfriend and now our friendship is massively fucked up. Idk if we’re ever gonna be able to be close and I don’t really have anyone else. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by rejecting a co-workers thank you cookies | I am a horrible person. So, I work at a grocery store and have pretty intense social anxiety. I tend to shut down in large crowds and panic if I'm thrust into a social interaction I wasn't ready for.
My job involves customer service and large crowds, so I usually disassociate at work to deal with the stress. My mind is blank, completely empty. I used to take drama class (to try and help with my anxie, y actually), and when a customer addresses me at work, my mind treats it like an improv skit.
When I'm particularly overwhelmed, I find it difficult to speak or acknowledge people.
Yesterday was a bad day for my anxiety (I actually ended up having a panic attack later that shift) I was having trouble acknowledging other people and my surroundings and was just going through the physical motions of my job when my co-worker approached me. I was half zoned out bagging a mobile order while he explained that he forgot to ask for his son's birthday off and asked if we could swap shifts.
I looked at him. I wanted to say yes, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth, so I just gave him a thumbs up and continued bagging the order. He told the manager that I agreed and he changed the schedule.
Today, I had to grab some things from the store last minute and was pushing my cart when he saw me, and we both stopped. He leaned in and asked,
"Do you want some cookies ?"
I was taken aback at the sudden social interaction and completely unexpected question. I thought he was joking or messing with me, so I just quickly said no and went to continue shopping when he stopped me again,
"Oh I meant my wife was going to make some gingerbread cookies for you as a thank you for swapping shifts," I panicked for absolutely no fucking reason and quickly said,
"Oh no thank you," and rushed off.
Wtf ? What is wrong with me ? When it actually sunk in what I just did I felt like a bitch and wanted to apologize, because why would I reject something like that? They were so sweet to want to do that, I should have said thank you like a normal freaking person! I went to try and find him after I checked out, but I couldn't find him anywhere.
When I got home, I told my mom what happened, and she busted out laughing, saying I should be mortified, and I am. I am so mortified. He probably thinks I'm awful person, I feel like one. I hate that I did that, I just panicked!
TL;DR My social anxiety ruins everything by causing me to panic and reject a kind gesture from a co-worker. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for using my vibrator without peeing first | The other night, I went over to my bf's house and we started getting jiggy with it. I was kneeling on the carpeted floor giving him head and started using my vibrator on myself. I hadn't used my vibrator in a while but it is powerful - it's the only thing that has ever made me squirt. About 20 seconds in, I told him I felt like I was going to squirt soon so we laid down a towel.
For those who have never experienced it, the feeling you get before you squirt is exactly the same as the feeling you get before you pee. I typically pee before using my vibrator so I know for certain that when I squirt I won't be peeing all over my bed instead.
Well, I wasn't completely sure that I was about to squirt bc it felt a little different than usual but I also didn't need to pee, so I let it the feeling take over. A violent stream of liquid came shooting out of my body. Like, it splashed. Once I felt it, I was 90% sure I'd peed since I'd never squirted so violently before, but then I thought maybe it was bc it had been a while. The 10% of hope I had died when the smell of urine wafted up to my nostrils. That's also when I realized that so much came out it was probably in the carpet too.
I tried playing it cool and continued giving my bf head, hoping he didn't notice the smell. After like a minute, I couldn't keep kneeling next to a smelly pee-soaked towel. I got up and said "sorry, not to kill the mood but I didn't squirt, I actually peed". Luckily he was nice about it but it was definitely one of the more embarrassing things that has happened in the bedroom.
Tl;dr thought I was letting myself squirt but ended up violently peeing on my bf's carpeted floor instead
Edit: I am fully aware that squirt is urine mixed with other fluids but personally my squirt has *never* smelled like **straight up piss**. Everyone's body is different, some girls squirt, some girls cum, some don't do either, I'm sure some do both, but pulling from my own experiences, this was undiluted piss-in-the-toilet piss 🤷🏻♀️ | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for explaining the Half-Life lore to my crush | Ok so I(18M) was at this girls(18F) house the other day, well call her V. we had been talking for a bit and Id usually hang out at her house after work as we were coworkers. V is a good friend, and Ive even slept over her house once or twice. Throughout me knowing her I had developed a bit of a crush on her so obviously I would get any excuse to spend time with her. V is what one would call a stoner. I however, am not that. So it came to my surprise when she offered to smoke with me, as i had stated prior that i have never smoked in my life. She said that she wanted to be my first, and despite my better judgment i agreed.
That night i drove her over to her house like usual, as she didn’t have her license yet (this is what started us hanging out). I went inside and we watched some youtube for a bit, until about an hour later she remembered that we had to smoke together. I had made sure not to mention it at all that night, but it only delayed the inevitable. She brought me down to the back porch and gave me her dab pen. I unsuccessfully attempted to take a hit, but I suppose i was not really inhaling. After a bit she told me to breathe with my chest and I obliged. This time felt different but it still didnt feel like “inhaling” so i just kept going. Until my chest started to hurt. And so started the longest and most painful coughing fit i had ever experienced. It felt like a lifetime. Halfway through it i definitely started to feel it, and made my way to her living room. I sort of just fell on the couch, intermittently breaking into coughing fits like i was season 1 walter white. I sit on the couch and V and i basically just start talking. But this isnt your average everyday conversation, no this is a lot more one sided. And this is the FU. V would say something to me, and i would just. keep. talking. But at this point it was more entertaining if mildly annoying for her. But then she made a grave error. She mentioned how earlier my friends and i were having a heated debate between which half life game is the best (Hl2>hl1). This was the last thing she said the rest of the night. That started me off SCREAMING about how half life 2’s combat is 10x better than half life 1. Then i said how the only thing half life 1 had over two was the scientists. Then i remembered that she didnt know what any of that meant so, graciously, I explained, from beginning to end, the entire. Half life. Lore. One and two and episodes. This took me three hours, and my random tirades made this slog even more dreadful. By the end of the night my voice was audibly hoarse, and so i kinda just went to bed after. When i woke up i just left the house and went about my business. In my eyes, we had another fun night.
She has completely ghosted me. I texted her afterwards and she would not respond. When we had shift together she acted nice but said that she wouldnt need rides from me anymore. She hasnt asked me to come over again and i think its over. Was it something i said?
TL;DR: had a crush on a girl, smoked weed, sprayed women repellant all over myself via half life lore. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by complaining about my job near my boss | I was eating dinner with my friends and we were getting fairly loud (it was pretty loud there, but even by that standard we were loud). I was complaining about how I get assigned too much work and I hate doing it, again, quite loudly. I also complained about how I feel incompetent because I feel like I'm the only one who can't handle the workload and I said a lot of self depreciating comments about how I don't really know anything and feel under qualified. Stressed af right now since I heard one of my coworkers was trying to get his friend a position and my complaining makes me look like the weakest link. Looked behind my friends and my boss was eating dinner with someone. I think he glanced at me while I walked out too. Am I fucked?
TL;DR: complained about my job and vented about feeling incompetent in a restaurant and my boss was actually at a table close to us. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by telling my guy friend I like him | Yesterday I (17f) told my guy friend/crush (17m) that I like him. He thought for a moment then said he'd tell me later.
Later he texted me saying that while he doesn't not like me, he's not ready to be in a relationship, and I do respect his choices, we still talk as we did before I confessed, but now I'm in feelings-y limbo.
(He also told me he's known for way longer than I thought >_<)
I'm gonna continue acting as I did before, but now there's a nagging part of me wondering if anything has changed, and in all honestly I want something to change, I basically summarized his response but I left out a lot of mixed signals he sent. Right now, nothing is gonna happen, but I am kinda hopeful something might happen and that's the problem, I feel bad for expecting and this whole thing is hurting my head.
TLDR; I told my crush I like him and now we're in a weird place in our relationship, not fully platonic, but not romantic either. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU with my ‘it will probably be fine’ attitude | So I fucked up, and it’s not until recently (not today in particular but a couple days ago, I’m only now feeling well enough with meds to post) that I found out how badly.
So long story short when I was pregnant I had hyperemesis gravidarum, (I think I spelled that right) like the worst form of morning sickness. I regularly spent 9+ hours holding a garbage can to paint the picture. I was incredibly weak for months, to the point I couldn’t walk to the bathroom, brush my hair or teeth or change clothes without help. Help I did not receive.
To be blunt, the amount of acid erosion deep into my teeth has damaged them in ways that are awful. The nicest part is I only need a few fillings. The worst part is the reason I’ve been so sick for years now, basically my son’s whole life. Essentially to put it nicely for censors, I have two broken teeth that in an effort to stay alive have been slowly pulling nutrients from the surrounding area. I.E. my right eyesocket, upper jawbone and the muscles surrounding the teeth. The X-ray showed significant difference in the size of my eye sockets because of the damage to the right one being worn away, and about a silver dollar sized section of muscle fibers and tissue is gone as well. It’s apparently not only incredible that it barely shows beyond slight indentation you only see if you’re looking for it and a darker circle under my eye on that side, but somehow despite one tooth being broken for months and one for years, I haven’t felt anything until I recently started feeling not pain but a slightly uncomfortable pressure. My dentist let’s just say is not happy with me for waiting so long.
The one silver lining I have is the type of damage is not actually something I could have prevented. It’s on me that I didn’t get in to a doctor sooner, but I couldn’t have stopped the acid bath for my teeth if I wanted to. They’ve not got normal decay from sugars and lack of brushing, because once I was able I went right back to brushing and flossing but there was nothing I on my own could have done to reverse the damage without medical intervention.
So now I’m on medications for both the infection in my head so it doesn’t get to my brain, and pain because my dentist is certain any day now I’ll be in agony due to the extent of the issues in my mouth. I’m taking both on rigid schedules and my first surgery is tomorrow, to handle the two teeth that are broken and infected and causing me severe problems. Then we move to a few root canals, a bunch of fillings and caps and figuring out what to do with the horrid softness of my teeth now.
Tl:dr; I wasn’t able to keep up dental hygiene during pregnancy and because I put off care so long my busted teeth have eroded part of my face and now I need multiple surgeries. Brush your teeth kiddos. Help your sick preggers wifey brush her teeth. She needs it. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU watching my gf with my parents | A couple of months ago my gf responded to an online ad for an upcoming tv show about Gen Z. The ad encouraged anyone between the ages of 18 to 25 to sign up for the show. If your submission was successful, which was the case with my gf, you would be required to come to the studio and get interviewed on camera. That was it. Just you, the camera crew, and questions you had to answer about what it meant to be Gen Z. I was there to drop my gf at the studio and then pick her up afterwards. I was not allowed to be present during the interview. A couple of hours later, I was back behind the wheel with my gf, who seemed relieved that she was no longer in front of the camera. I was curious to know what her experience was like and what kind of questions were asked, etc. But my gf said it was all a blur and that we would just have to wait and see when the show eventually aired.
Cut to now. The show aired at the beginning of the month on one of the local streaming sites in my country (please don't ask me for the name of the show or the site the show is streaming on). My gf and I were unable to watch her episode together because we were physically too far apart, but I still made it an event by encouraging my mom and dad to watch it with me, which they were more than happy to do. I expected an entertaining and engaging discussion about all kinds of things affecting young people, and for the most part, I got exactly what I expected, which made me extremely proud of my gf because most of the pressure was on her to be interesting and articulate and she fucking killed it! That said, towards the end of the interview, my gf was challenged to comment on random words that appeared on screen. Words young people were using or redefining like "rizz" "sus" "drip" "bag" "body count" etc.
One of the words was "slut", which prompted my gf to state that she believed there was positive affirmation and power in the word "slut" before she decided to go a step further by saying she proudly considered herself a slut because she's had many partners and she enjoyed sleeping with all of them. Needless to say, eye contact became challenging for me with my mom and dad present. I could sense the sudden tension in the room as my gf unashamedly embraced her slutty self. The episode was less than 13 minutes long, but it ended up feeling a lot longer due to how uncomfortable it was to watch with my parents. For the rest of that evening I had to listen to my mom and dad remind me of what a decent girl my ex used to be and how I let her get away. Just when I thought they were finally warming up to my gf.
**TL:DR**
I encouraged my parents to watch a tv show with me that featured my gf providing her perspective on what it meant to be Gen Z. My gf ended up talking about how proud she was to be a slut, which was unexpected and uncomfortable to watch with my parents, who are now on my ass about what a good gf my ex used to be. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by hanging out barefoot with a designer cat | Obligatory, this didn’t happen today, it happened several years ago. Also I guess the barefoot thing isn’t really the fuckup but it did make the situation a lot worse. Anyway
I was a pack dog walker right out of college, first job that would take me. Rent to be paid and all that. I’m more of a cat person, but I grew up on a ranch—animals are second nature. After all that studying, it was nice to hike a few miles a day with a bunch of cute dogs! What could go wrong?
We serviced a pretty high-end clientele, lots of designer breeds and finicky feeding instructions. One day a new client request came in, a pet sit for a Savannah cat! I was booked for the first few days, but swooped it as soon as I could. The house was fuckin swank, too, even by our clients’ standards—3 stories, rooftop garden, fenced-in backyard, and unfinished basement. I had some rich clients, but these people had fuck-you money. Pretty sure I spied an original Keith Haring in their living room.
My boss warned us that this cat was a) determined to break out of her house at any cost, and b) valued between $15-20k. My coworkers had a wild time the first few days, I heard stories about naked, condescending house guests and drugs on the counter. Unusual, but they had booked us for Burning Man, what did we expect?
Finally, it was my turn. It was just a drop-in sit, so I was to feed her and play with her for an hour or two, a couple of times a day. A Savannah cat needs wayyy more attention than that, certainly with her owners gone so much—so it made sense that she was a Houdini enthusiast. Given that her family was usually traveling, I felt bad for her and tried to go the extra mile. I worked for a lot of people who adored their pets to pieces, and some who liked the idea of a pet but thought they could outsource all of the commitment. These clients were clearly the latter.
On my second day of the booking, I let myself in with my massive set of keys, and scared the hell out of her in the process. We had strict protocols for the keys—never take the key off the chain, always set the keys by the door. I made extra sure to do this first-thing, because the cat hated my keys so much. I also took off my shoes, per house rules, and socks, bc they were gross after walking dogs all day.
I fed her and ran her up and down the stairs a few times, lots of toy time, but she was still riled up. Now, the owners had told us she could go in the backyard. My coworker had tried this with a harness she’d outgrown, and the client said it was fine if she was unleashed (despite the fact that she had already jumped into the neighbors’ yards a few times). She really did need the stimulation, so I decided to at least check it out.
This was my fuckup. I spent a lot of time walking around barefoot as a kid, so I didn’t think twice when I stepped into the backyard with the cat. There was a door from the outside to the unfinished basement, full of nails and old wood from a recent remodel. I realized that, between the construction waste and this cat who could jump like 8ft, I was gonna need my boots. I wasn’t so sure about the backyard to begin with, so I thought I should abandon the whole plan. I grabbed the cat and walked up the steps to the back door.
It did not open. The door had auto locked behind me. This was a row house, so, no side gates or doors. The backyard was completely fenced off, and even if I could climb a fence (no way), I’d simultaneously have to wrangle a mild wildcat barefoot. I was fucked.
Fortunately I had my phone, albeit at 20%, and I realized I could at least mitigate the risk of losing the cat by taking shelter in the creepy basement. I pulled the cord on the bare bulb, sat on a bag of concrete and started calling my boss and other coworkers; someone must have the emergency contact we kept on file for this sort of thing.
Bingo, I got the contact. But as I started dialing her, the cat was getting restless. I realized that she had found a few explorable holes in the wall—holes that, presumably, led to the gigantic crawl space under the house. Thank fuck I know how to handle a cat, it was like wrangling a sentient mass of rubber bands and hypodermic needles to keep her out of there. My dog-people coworkers might not have been so lucky.
Emergency contact got back to me, only to tell me she was in goddamn Canada with their spare key. Why in hell you would give someone an emergency contact on the other side of the continent, I do not know—but supposedly my clients were out of the country or at Burning Man or something? I forget. They weren’t answering, anyway. At this point I was calling locksmiths, who said they couldn’t be there without the cops, who I also called. They were not interested in helping.
After about 2-3 hours, my phone was dying, the cat was YOWLING and trying even harder to get under the house. I started panicking. At least I had fed her before we ended up down there, but was I going to be there all night? The booking was for three more days, so what the hell was I going to do if the client never answered? How was I going to sleep and keep the cat out of the crawlspace? There was a hose in the backyard, so I had water if it came to it—that’s how bleak it was, I went into legit survival mode.
Finally, the client called me back. Turns out, HE WAS IN TOWN THE WHOLE TIME. He just had a Very Important Meeting that evening, which I so rudely interrupted. He took an Uber back (his two Teslas in the garage be damned, I guess) and was a total ass to me about the whole thing. Didn’t even offer me a glass of water, practically pushed me out of the house. It was humiliating. I cried in my car for like 20 minutes after, but at least my socks were dry.
I looked him up later, he was one of those dudes who made it big on crypto early on. A few weeks later he was canned in disgrace, a legal thing maybe, so it is totally possible he was in real hot water at work that night. And yeah, I had fucked up. Still, acting like he was somehow more inconvenienced than I was is pretty insulting. I’d spent three hours locked in a dirt cell, keeping his understimulated cat from killing herself. Virtually any other client I had at the time would have been compassionate, perhaps annoyed but certainly kinder than he was. I guess they call it fuck-you money for a reason.
I never worked for another client without a LOCAL emergency contact, TWO spare keys with the contact and my company, and full disclosure of all automatic locks after that.
Tl;dr I locked myself in the backyard/basement of a $3m house with a $20k cat and had to get rescued by a petty crypto bro who couldn’t be bothered to feed his own pet. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by making an orgasm joke with my gf | I’ve never posted on Reddit before so sorry if this post is off.
I can’t stop thinking about what my gf of 7 months said to me today. For context, me and my gf are just out of highschool (both 18) and we were doing it in the shower. I always thought I was pretty good at sex because she always said I did great. But today after we finished and were washing off my gf said she’s always wondered what it’s like to have a dick. I then made a joke that I’ve always wondered what it was like to be a woman and that I’ve had friends describe their orgasms like that scene in ratatouille where remy gets to try the cheese and strawberries.
Worst decision I have ever made
She immediately said something along the lines of “nah ive never had an orgasm like that with you”. I think she noticed the face I made because she started to say that she cant even do it for herself and that she thinks she’s just “broken”. I didn’t want to hear it so I just stepped out of the shower and started drying off. I kept telling her I was fine but at this point all I could think about was the time before we started dating where we got high and she mentioned her ex’s dick being 8 inches long and how they literally measured it with a ruler. Now I don’t think my dick is small, and from what I know it’s above average. But it is by NO means 8 inches long or really even close. I remember asking mutual friends about it at the time and them confirming that she used to talk about it to them.
I thought I had gotten past these feelings of inadequacy but now it’s all come back and I feel like shit. I feel like I’ve put so much time into making her feel perfect and always letting her know how amazing her body is and this is what I get in return. I know she didn’t mean it to come out like that but this isn’t the first time she’s said something hurtful without thinking. I don’t even know what to do. I love her a lot but at the same time everything she says to try and make feel better just makes me want to punch a wall because it’s so obviously surface level bullshit.
I just feel so small letting this get to me in the first place but I don’t know what else I can do.
tldr: made a joke about the female orgasm and now I feel insecure about my willy.
Edit: first thank you to everyone for responding and reaching out I really appreciate it. To start I wrote this post at 3 in the morning so I feel like a couple things got misconstrued. I have made my girlfriend finish (I’m almost entirely sure of that) that wasn’t the issue. We do a lot of foreplay as well and I try my best to always have her finish before I do. The issue was with how she phrased what she said. It made me feel like even when doing my best it wasn’t good enough. I felt, compared to her ex, like I’m not enough for her in more ways than one. It especially hurts because she’s the only person in my life I want to impress so any failure hurts 10x more. I think I’m gonna try and talk to her abt it soon it’s just hard to think right now with finals and everything. Maybe I’ll make an update idk. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by making out with a guy who had a gf…in FRONT OF HIS GF | first time writing a post so idk how to format this sorry in advance. also this story happened over this past weekend
some context I am a guy, bisexual, latino, and in college. i have this one friend, let’s call him Nick. he’s straight but not really. he’s a spicy straight. like he says he’s straight but makes out with guys from time to time and finds guys attractive and overall acts feminine. (not to say you can’t be feminine and straight) he himself says he’s basically bi but doesn’t wanna claim that label since he hasn’t had nor wants to have sex with a guy. it’s cool i don’t judge him or anything it’s his life yk. anyways. me and him met at the beginning of the semester at a party. i drunkenly said he was cute and asked if i could kiss him. (so cringe ik) he said he appreciated it but no he did not want to kiss me. we exchanged snapchats and moved on with our lives. eventually we got to know each other and became friends. however our friendship isn’t very normal.
we are essentially boyfriends without the label. we walk each other to classes and get food together. we cuddle and kiss and face time all the time. i have never had an issue with the fact that there isn’t a label on our relationship because i like it. like labels always seem kinda icky to me. and i feel like if i were to ask him to define our relationship it could go bad and id rather enjoy this little mini relationship yk.
now to the main story
so over the past month he has expressed that he’s kind of into a new girl., let’s call her emma. i was a bit taken aback but ultimately didn’t care because i know that we aren’t in a relationship like that. Nicks brought emma up from time to time and has introduced me to her occasionally when they’re on facetime and im nearby. this past thursday he sat me down to talk about everything. nick said that he has enjoyed our little relationship but that he is going to make it official with emma and that we need to cut back on everything we do. meaning not as much contact and definitely no more cuddles or kissing. i understood and agreed. and as his last thing to add he said that emma was going to be coming to town the following day, friday, and was going to be spending the entire weekend with him. he then also invited me to pregame with them and go out partying with them. this put me in a wierd position which i explained but in the end agreed. fast forward to saturday. we pregamed and went out to a frat house to party. me and emma actually got along very very well. she’s also latino and we both speak spanish so we bonded on that. everything was going great. fast forwarding past a lot of shots and bad dancing.
i tell nick im going outside for some air and he goes with me. emma goes to the bathroom and says she’ll meet us outside. it’s a bits weird but there’s a couch outside off to the side. me and nick sit outside on said couch and are just talking and having fun. idk what triggered it but i look at him and he looks at me and we just go at it. very passionate and very intense kissing. i ended up getting on top of him. like i put my knees on either side of his thighs. (idk if that makes sense) as we are doing this emma walks outside to see it all. nick notices and pushes me off. emma runs off and nick follows her. i’m just left there in a drunken stupor. i call it quits shortly after and go home. i wake up sunday morning with texts from nick yelling at me for kissing him and why would i do that and a whole bunch of incoherent anger. emma has blocked me for obvious reasons. nick isn’t responding and the couple times he did were hostile. idk what’s gonna happen it’s been 3days basically and i haven’t been able to get a response.
update:
so it’s gotten better(?) or worse from you’re pov. nick and me are talking again. he said that he’s really conflicted cuz he really does like me. like a lot he said. but he likes emma a lot too. he can’t figure out what to do. but yesterday he said that he wants to have sex with me to see if he’s into it(????) he said he’s never had sex with a guy but that with me he kinda wants to try. he wants to see if we are compatible on an intimate level. which to me is kinda weird cuz like idk it feels like im taking a test and if i perform the way he wants then we can be a couple(?) this whole thing is very very interesting to say the least. i told him im not opposed to the idea because i like him too. i like everything abt him from his sense of humor to the way he views the world. he’s just really an awesome dude. i didn’t realize how much i liked him until we didn’t talk for five days straight. and even though i never thought about sex with him now that it’s on the table i really want to do it. idk everything’s kind of weird and tense rn. i told him that i needed a bit of time to think abt it still because i didn’t want him to think i was like enthusiastic or whatever. i’ll probably tell him by saturday or sunday. in the mean while we’ve been sort of back to normal with an extra little bit of tension. but we’ve done the normal stuff we do. like getting lunch together and walking to classes and stuff like that. we cuddled like twice and made out once.
side note: i’m still blocked on every form of communication by emma so i haven’t been able to get in contact with her. i feel bad because she doesn’t deserve this. like being caught in the middle of this whole thing is causing me stress i can’t imagine how it’s affecting her.
tl;dr
i made out with a friend who i have history with in front of his new gf. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by relapsing | Yeah that’s all there is to it. It had only been 14 days but I was pretty proud. Then got some bad news and couldn’t help myself. If my partner finds out when they’re home in an hour or so I’m fucked. I based my sobriety on them and trying so hard to make it work and then I gambled it all on them not seeing it when they walk through the door. I am furious at myself and wanted to make it at least a month before I messed it up or did something wrong but here I sit. I guess two weeks is pretty impressive for someone who hasn’t even been sober since January of this year but I failed just because I was upset. What happened to me will result in my losing my job.
TL:DR: I relapsed after two weeks and am hoping my parter won’t notice because they’ve already left me once over this
Edit: thank you all for your support and acceptance. It means a lot to me. Thank you. For those asking it’s a hard drug and alcohol. And for people bashing me firstly I’m a woman and secondly addiction is a slippery slope that’s easy to use to justify arguments or wanting to say something or forgetting trauma or just because you want to be fucked up. So yeah keep judging me it’s ok. I do it harder than any of you | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU popping a pimple | Sigh...
Last night I was going down on my gf when I noticed a random pimple on the inside of her thigh from the corner of my eye. It was begging to be popped. Not gonna lie, I had the sudden urge to pause the pussy eating with immediate effect and pop that pimple as soon as possible, but I resisted because I remembered what my gf taught me about going down on her, which was to never change what I was doing whenever my face or fingers were between her legs, especially if she's approaching an orgasm. Did I change anything during oral? Nope. Did my gf eventually orgasm? Yep. Did I end up popping the pimple? I did indeed. However, what I did not do was A) warn my gf that I was gonna pop a pimple she seemed to be unaware of, B) make sure my head was no longer between the legs of my gf and C) be mindful of the fact that some pimples pop more painfully than others.
The combination of A, B and C prompted my gf to forcefully close her legs and accidentally almost crush my skull in the process. My gf and I both screamed in pain at the same time. I never realized how lethal her legs were until that moment. Just a few seconds of head trauma was apparently long enough to leave my ears ringing after my gf deactivated her skull crushing thighs and allowed me to free my head. I apologized for the unexpected and unpleasant pimple pop and promised to ask for permission before popping pimples that were not my own. My gf assessed her thigh post pimple pop and said I better hope she's not cursed with automatically associating future orgasms with pimples popping otherwise she might not enjoy sleeping with me anymore. It was hard to tell if she was joking, especially while my head was hurting, so I awkwardly played with my ungroomed pubes and looked sad. The end.
TL:DR Went down my gf. Spotted a pimple on her thigh. Popped it. Gf reacted to the pain and almost crushed my head with her legs. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by being too kind to a stranger | I was on the train. I was going to a museum. I was not familiar with the locations I was visiting. I am a woman and I was walking alone.
While I'm taking the train a stranger starts to talk to me. I don't like talking to people but I didn't want to be rude. People in other parts of the world also talk more often with strangers. We're on the platform and he asks to "stand over there". I'm being cautious and make sure I see other people. He asks me to sit down (I prefer to stand). I say no. He asks again, I say no. Then he says he is gonna sit down. He proceeds to ask if I have messenger. I stupidly reply with yes. He asks for my phone which I stupidly give him. Then my train arrives. He still has my phone (it's attached to a rope so I still had it). I tell him my train is here and I need to go. He gets on the same train and he asks to sit together.
If it wasn't bad on the platform, it gets bad on the train.
He proceeds to asks for my hands. He holds my hand and starts to rub the with his hands. He then asks me if it's good. At this point I'm thoroughly creeped out. He then wants me to kiss him. That's a fat no. He keeps doing the same things in a loop. At a certain point he put my feet on his. Thank god he didn't get off at the same station. He stayed on the train. I should've just drawn the line when we were still at the platform.
I forgot to add. He also 1. Asked where I live, and whether or not I have a place for him 2. Asked me to come to his place. 3. He kissed my hand (which I thoroughly sanitized once I arrived at the museum) 4. He told me to look into his eyes, make kisses towards him and to wink at him. 5. He wanted me to put my finger in my mouth and then put my finger in his mouth
TL;DR: I allowed someone who's clearly mentally ill to interact with me for way to long. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by moaning while a house appraisal man was outside my window. | I (19) can’t explain the level of utter embarrassment I feel, but my pain must be shared because it’s that or the bridge.
Our house has been up for sale a couple months now and we are constantly getting appointments to have people come over, that said I am not the one handling them even though I get the occasional texts. Usually my parents deal with that, and I just keep the house clean and make sure everything looks nice on days people are to come.
Well, apparently no one remembered this morning was supposed to have been a day for an appraisal. So, being the stay at home student I am, I wake up, I take a shower, and I engaged in some.. morning activities. Thing is, it’s rare for me to be in the mood for such things and when I am I like to make the most of it.
So there I am moaning and having my fun (which means lots of wet noises happening), listening to some raunchy audio, when I hear someone POUNDING on the front door and frantically ringing our doorbell.
To be clear, the room I’m in has the door shut, but I am no more than 15 feet from that door. So I quickly get up, run to the adjacent bathroom (it is in the room), wash my hands, get dressed in my clothes from the night before, and try and wash the blush off my face a bit.
Finally I go out and he is in his truck in our driveway. I invite him in, apologize for not realizing he was there, the whole thing.
He was nice enough, didn’t say anything. Eventually finished up and left, whole thing took less than twenty minutes tops.
I just checked the cameras to our house. HE HAD ALREADY FUCKING BEEN WALKING AROUND IT BEFORE HE FUCKING KNOCKED, HE HAD BEEN NEAR MY BACK WINDOW AS I WAS MOANING AND FUCKING MYSELF. That window might as well not even exist, because you can hear EVERYTHING on BOTH FUCKING SIDES.
It’s taking all my will power not to go jump off the nearest bridge right now, and sir if you see this I AM SO SORRY!!! No one told me!!!
Anyway. TL;DR: some random dude heard me moaning and I looked him face and invited him into my home 5 minutes later. Might look for gun on Facebook marketplace.
EDIT: OH MY FUCKING GOD. HE WAS IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. HE WAS IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. HE WAS IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. HE WENT IN THE BACK DOOR. I AM SHAKING AND CRYING THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING OH MY GOD. I JUST FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO WATCH THE FOOTAGE, HE WAS IN THE HOUSE. HE 100% KNEW AND WAS IN THE GODDAMN HOUSE. HE JUST WENT AND KNOCKED ON THE FRONT DOOR TO SPARE ME THE SHAME- I CANT-
Edit #2: To all those asking “Why was he allowed in your house?!”, he was supposed to be in the house. I was not. He had a scheduled time slot to be in our house, access to a lockbox with keys, and **I** was the one in the 100% wrong. I had no idea he was scheduled to check out the house. Also thank you for all your stories and words of encouragement! | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU when I asked my gf to come up with reasons why we might break up (new update) | My gf and I have been unpacking our past relationships more than ever before since I discovered that she low key used her ex's clone a willy. I made [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/GQQo7PuEWq) [posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/zL7emadkmt) about it. The outcome was unexpectedly positive. My gf tossed her ex's clone a willy in the trash (all 3 of them) and we agreed to move on. However, moving on was not as easy for me as I wanted it to be. I asked my gf questions about her ex, which I never did prior to the clone a willy situation. Call it morbid curiosity or mild insecurity or whatever, but I wanted my gf to tell me what kind of person her ex was when he was not her ex. A copy of the dude's dick literally penetrated my relationship without my knowledge, of course I had questions regarding the owner of the cloned dick. My gf shared the following information about her ex based on our Q&A sessions:
1. He was basically her first everything in the relationship category, including sex.
2. He had cystic fibrosis, which encouraged him to approach life like every day might be his last.
3. His living life to the fullest attitude made him equally exciting and exhausting.
4. One of the most exciting moments with him was when he somehow managed to get a crowd of random people at a Karaoke bar to help him sing Shake Me Down by Cage The Elephant shortly before he publically proposed to my gf mid song (she said yes).
5. The most exhausting moment with him was when he got naked at a music festival and made several attempts to have public sex with my gf, despite the fact that she repeatedly said no.
Number 5 was the tipping point for my gf. She eventually called off the engagement and tapped out of the relationship. In the spirit of sharing, my gf made me aware that her ex might still have a collection of raunchy photos and videos of her in his possession, which he spitefully refused to dispose of when the two of them broke up. As a revenge porn insurance policy, my gf followed her ex's lead and made sure to keep some of the raunchy photos and videos she had of him, you know, "just in case." Not gonna lie, I had to laugh at that point. Not because it was funny, even though it kind of was in a fundamentally fucked up way, but because of how one clone a willy became the beginning of more than one relationship altering plot twist. I would not have been surprised at all if my gf revealed that on top of almost marrying her ex, she also got pregnant and the two of them were now sharing custody.
I asked my gf if she was gonna keep the photos and videos of her ex forever. She said she could delete them if it made me feel uncomfortable, but if her ex decided to re-enter her life with the threat of leaking her photos and videos for whatever reason, then she would end up feeling somewhat defenseless in that situation. I asked my gf if her ex was capable of doing something like that. She was unable to answer yes or no, but she implied that he was capable. Then I asked her to tell me what was the worst thing her ex captured her doing on camera. I wanted to know what was so bad about these photos and videos because nowadays aren't we all on someone's iPhone doing crazy ass shit? My gf said her ex was a bad influence and I should just believe her when she tells me that I did not what to know or see what her ex convinced her to do on camera.
I suggested that my gf delete whatever photos and videos she had of her ex because more than enough time has passed since the two of them broke up. If he didn't "leak" anything by now, then why would he do it later? And even if he did leak something, what would doing the same to him actually achieve? If the guy was willing to get naked at a music festival and have public sex, then something tells me he's immune to counter attack revenge porn. My gf wanted me to understand that she never viewed the photos and videos of her ex during our relationship and that it was nothing like recent events regarding the clone a willy. I asked my gf if she was willing to team up with me for couples therapy because it seemed like her ex was a shareholder in our relationship and frankly speaking it was making me feel like she never truly moved on from him like she believed she did.
My gf and I have an appointment with a couples therapist towards the end of the week. For the record, my gf erased the photos and videos she had of her ex and promised me that she literally had nothing else that belonged to him. Hopefully that is true and all of you will never read another post of mine again. Fingers crossed.
TL:DR My gf might have disposed of her ex's clone a willy in my previous post, but once I asked enough follow up questions about her ex, my gf revealed that she also had raunchy photos and videos of him, which she saved as insurance because her ex apparently had not so family friendly photos and videos of her too. It's become clear to me that our relationship needs professional help. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU BY RINGING EMERGENCY DURING A BLOWJOB | This happened last night. I'd been chatting with this sexy Italian woman I'd met on Tinder. She came over for a drink and we started making out. She then proceeded to drop to the floor and give me a porn star worthy blow job which included deep throat and gagging. My phone was pinging with notifications so I reached across the couch and proceeded to turn it off...or so I thought. A minute into her sucking and me moaning as I get the best head job of my life I can hear someone talking. I look across at my phone and see I have dialed triple zero (911 equivalent in Australia.) On a pixel phone there is an emergency icon right next to the power one and I'd hit it by mistake. My eyes bulge out of their head like a Tom and Jerry cartoon and I fumble to turn it off while trying not to let my date see. After sex I tell my date over pillow talk about what happens and we both started laughing. As those calls are recorded I imagine a dispatch caller sharing the tape with their co-workers and having a laugh as they listened to me receiving a stellar blow job.
TL;DR: I rang the emergency number by accident while receiving amazing oral sex. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU - loaning my work truck to a crew lead | TL;DR loaned out a work truck knowing it’d get trashed. Truck was trashed out far beyond anyone’s expectations.
My FU was about two months ago but the true magnitude came to fruition two weeks ago. A little backstory to set the stage: I have a site truck at worked dubbed Trash Truck. Trash Truck is a name of endearment after a batch of interns absolutely obliterated the interior. I spent several days when I was between projects deep detailing it and restored the interior to near original condition. I never could get the faint aroma of puppy pee out of the backseat even though I tried everything, fucking interns.
We’ve managed to keep it more or less cleanish for the past two years, maybe a little cluttered with stuff and dusty, but nothing a good vacuum and wipe down can’t fix. Spray bay washes occur at the end of each project because the exterior is too damaged to trust a drive through. We’ve only bent in the rear passenger quarter panel (that intern learned how to back up a trailer eventually), busted out a tail light (safety guy that time), and somehow gouged a line in the metal right up to the fuel cap door (which has never opened correctly since); never got the full story on that incident.
We put Trash Truck to hell on a daily basis and she just keeps going. Rough terrain? Don’t bother with engaging 4WD. Deep mud pit, no problem our trusty iron steed will never leave us mired. She really is the best, beat to hell (exterior only) truck in the world. I’ve had her for four projects and I’m about to bequeath her to my successor as I climb the rungs of middle management.
As the title states, I loaned out my truck to a couple crew leads on my construction site. I provided it to them under two conditions - return it to me in the same condition it was loaned to you and don’t smoke in it.
I cannot begin to describe the absolute filth that was returned to me. It’s fairly normal to feel disrespected at work, but this was next level.
The truck was caked in filth, spilled drinks, food, and there were even cigarette burns on the doors and possibly the upholstery (hard to tell through the filth). The stench of construction swamp ass was indescribable and worsened by my assistant’s attempts to cover it with some lemon spray our equipment mechanic said was ironclad. It smelled like lemony man ass after his efforts with just the slightest melange of broken trust.
When I loaned out the truck everyone told me it was a bad idea, but I pulled on those bad idea jeans and laid down on the mattress so I could zip them over my trusting, middle aged gut. I knew it’d be bad when we got it back and communicated it to my team, but none of us could have imagine how bad it truly would be.
My guys at work have been nothing but supportive. Between patting me on the shoulders and refraining from telling me so, they’ve hidden their guffaws and taunts masterfully. They attempted to rough decon the truck but after 2 constructor bags of trash and a gallon of white vinegar, even they called it quits.
We tossed around various ideas: Viking burial in a ditch, gasoline and a match, demolition derby, and so many ideas; all dark and humorous to cover and cope with our total bum out.
Ultimately I decided to have Trash Truck professionally detailed today. She’s still a turd on the outside but once again she’s a finely polished turd on the interior which is what counts. I wish I could post before and after photos here because they are the stuff of ASMR cleaning legend. The video I received of the sludge extracted from the seats and rugs (and dumped in my driveway as a repayment of the hell that poor man went through) was passed around my site like a bad rumor on a summer day. It was the worst vehicle the detailer had seen in three years and he burned up a vacuum in the process.
He was a champ and a pro and his work has already booked him three job promises because he’s either the patron saint of cleaning or a practitioner of black magic, either one works for me because the man got serious results. No one thought we could restore her to her tattered and tarnished beauty and yet she’s back, fugly as sin on the outside but sweet on the inside where it counts.
My petty revenge (I know, wrong sub) is that the responsible crew’s budget will take the hit for this cleanup. The additional bonus is that my successor got a second hand lesson learned and has promised he will care for Trash Truck better than I ever did. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by screaming bloody murder at my psychologist over the phone | Over the last few weeks, I've been getting multiple spam calls from different phone numbers, the type where you pick up the phone and there's just silence on the other end. I've tried my best to block every single one of them so I don't get bothered anymore, and it worked for a while, until I started getting calls from unknown numbers. Great.
Coincidentally, I also started seeing a psychologist around the same time I started getting the no caller ID calls. I had gone to my first appointment on a Thursday, talked to her a lot and she told me she'd give me a call the following week in order to tell me what she discussed with her higher-up. I left the appointment and simply went about my day. That day I got two calls from numbers I don't know, which genuinely pissed me off. Angrily, I decided that next time I will pick up the phone and just scream bloody murder at the person on the other end (you can see where this is going).
Same day, while on my way to work, I get a call from an unknown number. I was already extremely angry due to the calls from earlier, traffic was horrible and, well, I was on my way to work, what do you expect? I pick up the phone, wait a few seconds, no one says anything, and I yell as loudly as I can for several seconds. Just pure guttural screaming. I proudly hang up the phone and continue with my drive.
Two minutes later, I get another call from an unknown number and I'm planning to do the same thing I did before, because they clearly didn't get the message. I pick up the phone and this time, someone does say something. The connection sucks, so I only understand the name of the city my psychologist is located in. At first, i thought it was someone calling me regarding one of the apartment renting listings I was interested in, since I was desperately looking for an apartment in the same city at the time. I froze in panic and hung up the phone. I was SO embarrassed that I had just yelled at my potential landlord, that I just didn't want to deal with it, even if it meant I wouldn't have a roof over my head. I feel tears forming in my eyes, but I keep driving nonetheless.
A couple of minutes later, my phone rings again. This time, it's an actual phone number I don't recognize. I didn't know what to think, I wasn't sure whether it was the same person from before or not, so I was debating whether I should pick up the phone, given the massive fuck-up from earlier. I quickly think about an excuse for the scream and bite the bullet. I pick up the phone and then I hear my psychologist saying she's calling from the clinic I was going to. Mind you, she said she'd call me the following week, so I didn't expect it to be her calling. Obviously, I'm 1000 times more embarrassed than I was before. I mean, I just yelled at the woman who is supposed to help me with my mental health, and now she's definitely convinced I'm actually insane, but hey, at least I didn't blow my chances at getting an apartment (I never found one and I've continued living with my parents, in case you were wondering).
I let out a deep sigh and and say hello. She then starts explaining that she already called me twice but she thinks that the connection was faulty (what a nice way to put it). I respond and say I'm behind the wheel and that my baby sister (which I don't have) had my phone the whole time and I didn't know what she was doing. She said it's not a big deal and she then calmly explained my treatment plan. Ever since that incident, I've been so embarrassed to look her in the eyes, all I can think about is how loudly I screamed at this poor woman over the phone.
P.S. Before y'all start calling me a horrible person, I wasn't on my phone while driving, I used the hands free function of the car.
P.P.S. people over here sometimes use unknown numbers in order to hide their real number for privacy reasons.
P.P.P.S. by unknown number I mean no caller ID, when I say number I don't know, it is an actual phone number that I can see, that I just don't recognize.
Tl;dr: I screamed at my psychologist over the phone because I thought she was a spam caller due to her calling me using an unknown number. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by answering a legit call like I do spam calls. | Obligatory on mobile, longtime lurker, first time poster, yadda yadda, blah blah.
So, I have a habit of trolling spam callers by answering with goofy stuff. One of my go-tos is whispering "Seven Days" like the girl in The Ring.
Onto the part where I screwed up. So, while I was on my lunch break, I got a call from a number marked as Fraud Risk. Assuming that this was actually the case, I decided to test out something I saw in a video reading Tumblr posts. I answered with, "Joe's Sperm Bank. You squeeze 'em, we freeze 'em. How may I direct your call?"
As you can probably guess from the title and the fact that this got posted here, it was not actually a spam call. I had ordered from a small business on Amazon and they needed to confirm my mailbox since they ship using USPS and I live one a suite. I, of course, apologized profusely, explaining that my phone labeled it as a fraud risk and the lady was understanding. The issue was resolved.
TL;DR: Unknowingly answered legit call as a spam call. Person was understanding, issue was resolved.
EDIT: All of these lines folks are suggesting are way better than the one I used. Thank all of you. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by accidentally spraying too much perfume | So basically I have two types of perfume, one is a very expensive one that I only really wear going out, and is very strong so you use one spray max or you’ll stink. The other is a cheap body spray that I like to wear daily. The body spray is mostly for fun and needs multiple sprays to smell anything and wears off very quickly.
So today instead of grabbing my normal body spray I grab my expensive perfume by accident and spray way too much. The worst thing is I’m gonna be late for work if I don’t leave now so I had to spend all morning before I could go home and shower. Had to try my best to avoid people and hope no one smelled me. I couldn’t even stand to smell myself. I have no idea how some people do that on purpose.
TL;DR I accidentally sprayed too much strong perfume and stunk out myself and my work before I could shower. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by being disorganized while packing. | Today I (26) was packing for my move to another country. I currently am staying with my aunt. I was trying to put things in piles of where its going and hopefully leave my room in some sort of order. I’m taking 4 checked bags and my cat is my carry on so I’ve been making cuts and seeing if anyone wants what I’m leaving behind. I asked my mom if she wanted something and she responded to my text with a call. She asked if I could pick up my brother, pick her up cat food, and help her clean when I dropped him off. Shes driving me to the airport so I agreed.
I was about to leave early when I noticed I didn’t have my keys. Its been literal years since its taken me longer than 5 minutes to find my keys but as of today my room is officially out of sorts so I figured its par for the course I lose something important for a bit. I called my mom to let her know, and she could let who my brother is with know whats going on. my aunt nicely offered to drive me there and drive both of us back to continue finding my keys.
My brother was staying at his friend’s house, kids of one of the pastors at the church they go to and I used to go as well. We got to the house and I ran up to the door feeling bad for being late. My mom mentioned they had somewhere to be which is why we had to pick him up at a certain time. As I ran up to door it opened before I got to it and they invited me in. The cute golden doodle was also in the doorway and if theres a dog I’m petting it. Though that distracted me until it was too late. I looked up from petting the dog, inside the house now, and there was about ten people sitting around the room obviously about to have a cell group meeting. I recognized at least half the faces.
They asked me how my trip planning is going. I explain how I’m apparently at the point of packing where I’m losing things. I turn to say hi to one of my old youth group leaders who is still fairly young, maybe mid 30s at this point. But shes looking at me weird so I move on. Finally my brother comes out and we go.
Back home I’m going around to all the places I can think of. Checking the fridge twice cause I put away leftovers last night. My aunt asks me questions to help. She asks what I was wearing last night. I tell her the pants I wore are in the hamper to be washed but I’ve checked the pockets twice now. And I say “I’m wearing the same jacket” she asks if they’re in the pockets and though I know they aren’t I dramatically crumple my jacket pockets.
Then I look down. And I see a dark grey symbol rather than the expected white compass. In my disorderly attempt to organize what is going where, I buried my perfectly acceptable distillery jacket with my Satanic Temple jacket. And I start to wonder how many times I flashed them my back with the full blown symbol and “The Satanic Temple” writing.
I got married there and have lots of clothing and other stuff from there but I’m always nice and don’t wear it or talk about it around my mom. Mostly cause she lectures me enough about religion.
As disrespectful as that church was to me before, my mom and brother are still involved in it so I wouldn’t’ve knowingly crashed their jesus party wearing that. And this is very likely to get around and be the water cooler talk for a while.
And yes. The keys were in the correct jacket pocket.
TL;DR - I mixed up my clothing while packing and accidentally wore my satanic jacket to a christian pastors house full of church members. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU By Calling An Interviewer 'Papa'. | I grew up in Australia and my parents are from Indonesia. I'm bilingual between English and Bahasa (Indonesian). I had graduated high school and was looking for my first job.
I printed out my cover letter (in English) and my resume (in English), and headed out to local business. I talked to all the business in English, even the Indonesian owned ones.
Now, I'm a adequately socialised person, but having grown up before cheap international calls were a thing. Most of my interactions in Bahasa with strangers were face to face, while all of my Bahasa communication over the phone was exclusively with my parents.
So, I got a phone call. I picked it up without looking at the caller ID, and a person asked in Indonesian, "Is this (insert my Indonesian name)?" I immediately replied, "Yes Papa". The interviewer replied with, "I am not your Papa".
After the confusion we had a quick chat, then an in person interview, then the interviewer said that he would call me in a few days before ghosting me.
**TL;DR:** Grew up outside Indonesia, bilingual in English and Bahasa, Most of my Indonesian interaction with strangers was face to face while, on the phone, it was exclusively with my parents. I was job hunting in English. Heard a male voice call and ask, "Is this (my Indonesian name)?". I replied "Yes Papa". | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU: Whole appartement is stinking of burned fish | I actually managed to burn a pan-fried fish for hours at the weekend when I forgot it on the stove. Luckily nothing happened except that the pan is no longer usable.
The thing is, the whole apartment has been smelling of this burnt fish since Saturday. The smell has permeated everywhere, clothes, cardboard boxes and even the concrete walls.
I picked up room freshener, fabric freshener, lemons, citric acid, vinegar spray (8%), vinegar cleaner, vinegar essence, scented candles today. The complete package.
I tried to clean all the surfaces with the vinegar spray until I realized that this was an impossibility when even the concrete walls smelled of it.
Meanwhile, I put on a pot of boiling water with two sliced lemons and lit a scented candle.
I washed the bed linen, comforter cover and everything. Sprayed room freshener, sprayed textiles with textile freshener.
It just doesn't help.
Does this smell go away on its own or does anyone know how to get the whole room free of it again?
TLDR: I have been burning fish for hours, everything smells of it and I don't know how to rid the apartment of this smell.
| {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by asking for help after passing out on the road | I’m honestly not even mad, just embarrassed. I was driving down the street at around 6:10pm. It was a busy-ish road with sidewalks and traffic lights. Basically I’m driving and start to get dizzy. I pull over and put my blinkers on. I wait a bit before getting out to get some fresh air, which usually helps me feel better. But this time, as I’m going to the sidewalk, I immediately pass out. I deal with iron issues and am often dehydrated, but otherwise I look like a typical healthy person.
Anyway, I pass out and wake up literally in the middle part of the right lane with cars driving AROUND me. Some of them were even speeding to pass by me. I don’t remember passing out in the middle of the road, but there I was. I wake up and immediately try to flag someone down for a few minutes to which people around me just stare as if I’m a demon on steroids. At this point I might as well have died on the road, I’m so disappointed. Eventually I give up, pull myself into my car and collect myself. My dad is a firefighter chief and my mom is a nurse practitioner for ER. They taught me how to help people in emergencies, and how to do it safely. Albeit, being the one in the emergency is a lot different. I call my mom so I can get everything checked out, and I am fine now. I understand how the situation could look sketchy, and the world doesn’t revolve around me yada yada, but there’s a person laying in the middle of the road, alone. what if they got hit by a car? Even deer get people to stop and call animal control if they’re hit by cars where I’m from.
I guess it just blows my mind because I’m definitely the type of person to help or even investigate in these situations but damn, I might as well have been roadkill.
TL;DR: I passed out and no one helped me. I expected it to say the least, but I am still nonetheless disappointed in humanity.
Edit- also I’ve never passed out before so I didn’t expect it to happen. I was on the side of the road but when I collapsed I was pushed further into the lane. There wasn’t heavy traffic, but there were some cars. I’ve never gotten dizzy while driving except this once. My mom works in ER so I received some good advice for the future | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by drinking coffee while naked | My schedule cleared up today, so I decided to throw on my Christmas playlist and make myself a proper Sunday morning breakfast – ass-naked, of course, like God intended.
I popped some hash browns in the air fryer. Whisked a few eggs. Made a quick cup of joe.
I took a nice, long sip. It was some damn good coffee – local roaster, fair trade, all that jazz.
I savored it for about three seconds before I felt some gas trying to break free. I’m not one to hold in a fart, of course, so I let it rip.
And heard a splatter on the kitchen tile.
That’s right, reader: I’d just shat the most watery shit ever on my kitchen floor. There was still liquid shit dribbling out of my asshole. And I felt a full-on geyser about to explode.
So I did what anyone would do: I clenched my asshole tighter than a first-time bottom’s and hobbled my way to the nearest bathroom.
Needless to say, I shat my brains out as soon as I made it to the toilet. But I still had to deal with the trail of shit splatter I’d left in my wake. Not to mention the half-prepared breakfast that I shat myself making.
I’m ashamed to say that I did cook and eat that breakfast (including the coffee). Currently about to bleach the fuck out of my kitchen. And, uh, put on some underwear.
TL;DR: got the coffee shits while ass-naked in my kitchen and didn’t make it to the toilet in time. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU: By flowering while showering into my 20s | This happened many years ago, when I was but a young man in college. But the story actually starts about 18 years before that, when I was a baby.
Like most kids, I hated getting soap in my eyes in the bath. Even the gentle “baby shampoo” would send me into a rage. My dad, being the intrepid problem solving sort with a penchant for over engineering, came up with a sort of 360 degree visor that my hair would stick through. Then, they could wash my hair and the soapy water would just roll off. It was great. It kind of looked like a flower on my head, so my parents would say I was “flowering while showering.”
Eventually, the OG visor got mildew and was disposed of, but my dad made a few over the years. He ultimately stopped when he decided that I should be able to wash my hair without getting soap in my eyes, but I wasn’t having it and started making my own. Over time, “flower hats” for this exact purpose became mass produced and I switched over to just buying them as needed. Never got soap in my eyes! It was great!
Well, by the time I was 20 and living in my own apartment in college, I still hadn’t kicked the ol’ flower hat. I was flowering while showering every day, living my best life. Cue a cute girl staying at my place and suggesting we take a shower together before fucking. She asked me to wash her hair and brush conditioner through it, which apparently felt really good to her and was a major turn on. When I was done, she offered to wash my hair. I didn’t think that would do anything for me, but I said “sure!”
I then reached out of the shower for the drawer where I kept my flower hat and put it on. At first she laughed and thought I was joking, even after I explained what it was. But then I think she noticed how it looked kind of old and used and faded, and that it would be strangely elaborate to keep a flower hat in my bathroom for the occasional joke.
To her credit, she washed my hair while I wore it. We didn’t end up having sex that night—I can’t remember her explanation—but after she left the next morning she didn’t return my calls or AIM messages.
I didn’t stop flowering while showering immediately after that. I would just say, “oh, I washed my hair already” if the situation came up again. But when I met my now-wife, I knew it was time to give it up. So I no longer flower while
I shower, I just live with the occasional pain of getting soap in my eyes.
But you better believe that when we had kids, I immediately got them flower hats. My wife thinks they’re brilliant. She has no idea of my dark past. And every once in a while I look at my kids’ flower hats, and I hear them calling to me, beckoning me to don them. I haven’t succumbed yet, but I think it’s only a matter of time…
TL;DR: Flowered while I showered; got a good hair wash but nothing else.
Edit: [A general idea of what my flower hat looked like in college.](https://imgur.com/a/gRU8Mk4) | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU for not picking up on my crush’s flirting | My coworker and I have this unspoken attraction for each other. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he's in love. About two weeks into us knowing each other, he shared an intimate story of a traumatic experience that happened to him. He’s an empathetic person that cares for other people, but he gets angry over minor things.
I invited him to my birthday party. Supposedly, a few weeks before, he was flirting with me, but I didn’t pick up on it. So when I invited him, it confused him. He thought I was giving him mixed signals. On his Twitter (that I don’t follow), he was saying stuff like “playing with people’s feelings is bad” and “disloyal people annoy me”. The next several weeks, he gave me the cold shoulder and really did not want to talk to me. He also became shift lead that week.
He’ll also roll his eyes or grunt over relatively things that really aren’t a big deal. Sometimes I wonder if the thing that I did even warranted a sigh or eye roll. I’m just wondering, if I got into a relationship with him, would it get worse? When I say he has me on a pedestal, does he get frustrated because he sees me as this object that's always just out of reach? Or does he see me as his possession because he knows or suspects I like him, and even if he likes me back, he's okay with the dynamic?
Tl;dr: coworker is treating me badly because he thinks I’m giving him mixed signals | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU absolutely wrecking a great first date | This happened last night. It's the morning after and I'm still trying to wrap my head around how the fuck such a good first date could end so badly in the strangest twist of events.
So I'm a 39 year old man. I'm about 6 months out of my last relationship. Breakup sucked, took a lot of time to process, but I'm finally starting to feel better and comfortable dating. I'd been on a number of first dates over the summer and the fall just to keep myself out there. I work from home in a suburb and my opportunities to meet women organically are pretty rare, so naturally I'm using the dating apps.
I've found that getting back to dating after about 2 years of being out of it, things are different and even shittier. I really hadn't hit it off with anyone I'd gone out with this summer. Even when I thought I had found a fun connection recently on another date, it went nowhere.
Queue last night's date. She came out to meet me in my town, kind of a long uber ride for her. We went out to dinner where I'd reserved a table, but we got there early and sat at the bar. She's gorgeous, funny, talkative, and we really just hit it off. Were having such a great time there that we ended up staying at the bar and sitting next to each other. Sitting side by side, having a great conversation and lots of touching. Ended up there a few hours, one thing led to another and we were kissing at the bar. We decided to grab the check and head back to my place to kick it and smoke a little weed.
For background, I've been smoking quite a bit this year starting in summer, but I'm still pretty sensitive to THC. It can really quiet me down, and if I get really high I definitely get some temporary anxiety while high and it goes away. It's something that kind of happens on the way up.
So we're hanging in the living room on my couch, I pack a big bowl for us, pass it to her so she can smoke it first. She hits it hard and hands it back to me, and I inattentively take a pretty massive hit without thinking about it. I'm instantly way higher than I'd planned or was really able to deal with in that situation with someone new where there was already a lot of sexual tension in the room. So we're chatting and she says something about how she was in a 12 year relationship, she took some time for herself, and she's just getting back into dating, and just wanted me to know.
Instead of having any remark like about how that's a long time or asking her how long she's been single or if she was married. Anything at all. Instead I was confused about how we got on the the topic. So my response was basically "yeah?" and she replied yeah, and then things just got awkward as fuck. I was so high that I was basically non-verbal, and she'd just opened up about something pretty personal. Complete disconnect. I think we ended up laughing about it after I said sorry I was just super duper baked. We moved on but it definitely was a little weird.
We hang for another few minutes and then she says she had a great time and she's sorry but she needs to get back home because she has a family brunch in the morning. Totally chill and makes sense. She lives like an hour away, it's past midnight, and she needs to be up early to spend time with family. I was still just high as fuck and acting a little awkward. I was frustrated at myself for it.
So she's grabbing her coat and putting her shoes on as her uber is getting closer. Important to note that she was wearing heels that were super high. I"m hangin' out on the couch talking with her and she's standing a few feet away.
Next thing I know she loses her footing and falls straight towards me. I'm sitting on the couch with a knee up. She falls, face first, and whacks her cheekbone right on my kneecap. Instantly she grabs her cheek and I'm like dude are you ok?? I grab her an ice pack and apologize profusely. Her face is basically red and starting to swell, and her uber is coming.
We tried to laugh it off, but holy shit was that shocking. The mood was completely wrecked, and all of the tension between us transformed into the weirdest fucking energy. Keep in mind I'm still high as a kite.
I walk her outside to her uber, where it's raining. I hadn't put my shoes on or anything. Just wearing socks and walking her out in the rain. She laughs super hard as she's getting into the uber -- I mean what the hell else can you do?
I texted her that I was sorry about her cheek, let her know to text me when she made it home safe, and told her that I still had a great time with her. Because in fact I did, but I just got way higher than expected and the date took the wildest turn in the world. I've never had anything like that happen to me. I wasn't expecting to ever hear from her again.
She did text when she got home. Said her face looked fine, not to worry about it, and that she had fun. She was probably being nice. I still doubt I'll see her again after that disaster. I'm hoping I do, though, and we end up having the funniest fucking first date story in the world. But the chances of that are slim to none.
TL:DR: Went on a first date with someone I was really vibing with, got high as balls with her, things got weird, and then she accidentally smashed her face on my knee before jumping in an uber and getting the fuck out of there. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by falling asleep with my earphones in | So, for years I have been struggling with really awful insomnia. I recently moved country and my doctor and I tried new medication but it wasn’t working so we went back to my old one. Due to the amount of sleep debt when I finally got the pills that worked I fell into a really deep sleep. As I struggle to sleep I often go to sleep with earbud-style earphones in my ears with a podcast talking at me.
Anyway, I woke up from a wonderful dream where I was eating the most delicious Buffet, by my husband. He says “OP what are you eating?”. In my head, I reply “It’s just a dream you dumb dumb”. And that’s when I realised: I hadn’t been dream eating I had been crunching one of my earphones. As I removed it from my mouth I realised I was missing the small earbud on the end of the earphone and must have swallowed it.
Thanks to my husband it was an extremely close call and I would have been very lucky to not choke I can’t imagine having to try and pass that.
TLDR: after struggling with insomnia and getting sleeping pills onboard I had such a deep sleep I started eating one of my earphones. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by seriously injuring my wrist punching a punching bag in anger. | TIFU Last night I got into a debate with a friend of the family. He is, as my wife calls it, a “conversation bully”. He is so loud and forceful about interrupting and dismissing your opinion, not letting you talk, and being flat out disrespectful. The topic itself is rarely an emotionally volatile one but he makes you SO MAD in the way he tries to dominate every conversation.
Anyway I had enough and I calmly got up and walked out of the room. I put on my jacket and went outside for a walk and fresh air but I was still really pissed. So I walk into my in laws work shop and they have a light punching bag for their daughter who is in karate.
I decided to blow off some steam and give it a few good whacks. Well it’s been about 20 years since I did any martial arts and I guess it’s not like riding a bike because the punching bag swung back towards me just as I was taking a big swing and the way my fist glanced off the bag buckled my wrist funny and now I can barely move it or make a fist.
Worst part is I have 2 young kids I am always tossing around and wrestling, I am also in a blue collar field where I work with my hands so I might be on light duties for a while depending how this heals.
Stupid but extra frustrating because I was trying to just be responsible and separate myself from an emotionally volatile situation where I might say something regrettable to a family friend. And I even chose an object literally designed for punching to get out some anger.
Now the family friend walks away unscathed believing he owned yet another debate… and I have a busted wrist.
TL;DR TIFU by breaking my wrist on a punching bag after a heated argument. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by getting left behind on a school trip and changing policy. | I went to an under-construction middle school. I was in the first cohort. Halfway through the school year, we went to a field trip on the school bus. At the end of the day, everyone went back on the school bus, except my friend and I didn't arrive at the meetup place at 2 pm, and they forgot about us.
We approached the front management and explained our predicament.
The front desk tried contacting the school's receptionists without success, so we were stuck 30 miles away from home. I got the idea of calling a taxi and then letting my parents deal with the fare at the front door.
So that's what we did, and my friend hopped on along. We reached at my parent's house where I explained to them what happened and they had to pay the hefty fare. My friend walked home from my house.
Long story short, my parents created a ruckus and the school changed its policy and started to do a headcount before and after each field trip. 15 years later, my younger sibling goes to that school and they still do a headcount before and after each field trip.
TL:DR: My friend and I didn't get to the meetup place on time and got left behind on a field trip, had to take a taxi home, 15 years later, the school now does a headcount before and after each field trip. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by making out while watching masterchef australia | This literally just happened and I still can't believe this could happen to me.
Me (m26) and my fiance (f26) is renting out a room for the night. We checked in and started watching the TV. We were watching Masterchef Australia and it was the episode where the contestants are visiting a truffle farm for the challenge.
We started making out since the mood was just right. It was quite hot and heavy and I was sure I'd be getting lucky tonight. While we were making out, the TV was still on and one of the contestant started talking and she said "everyday I'm truffling". It was so absurd I started to laugh while we were still making out. I basically gave my fiance an accidental CPR and we started laughing, and the mood was basically gone.
Screw you truffle.
TL;DR making out while watching masterchef australia. Contestant makes a joke about truffle. Mood gone. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by introducing myself to someone 2 hours after meeting them. | Hello everyone,
This did not in fact happen today, but it popped back into my head and it’s just as embarrassing as the first moment it happened.
For context, I (28F) am a musician, and often go to local shows around my city. Many of the bands and artists I know very well, but there is one band that recently started blowing up, who’s members I’d never met officially. Let’s call the band “Nephew”. We followed each other online for a few years, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t remember a person’s face until I’ve had a substantial conversation with them. I meet a lot of people, and my memory isn’t incredible. Especially not with faces.
Well this last summer, I was at a local showcase, sitting out on the smoking patio, chatting to a few friends. Our conversation is interrupted when a man in his mid twenties approaches to introduce himself to me. This is gonna make me sound like a dick, but I have a decent online following, and I get recognized every time I go out. This man is very friendly and says we shop at the same grocery store, but he’s never had the courage to approach me. I assume he’s one of my followers, we exchange a few laughs and he leaves. I continue my conversation, and after some time, suggest we go in because Nephew is playing.
We go in, the set is amazing and afterwards I rush over to the lead singer to introduce myself. I say “We’ve never met in person, but you were incredible.” Lead singer looks very confused, and says “We just met out on the patio.” Suddenly I realize I’m an idiot. The man that approached me on the patio, and the lead singer of Nephew were most certainly the same person. I shake it off and say, “Right! My bad. Y’all are amazing. Huge fan. Have a good night.” I walk away feeling like I wanted to cry. How could I forget someone’s face in the span of two hours? Someone I literally follow online, and have followed for years…
My friends think it’s pretty cringe worthy, but not that big of a deal. I feel bad, because I’m afraid it came across as insulting. Like he isn’t memorable. I’ve been bad with faces before, but it’s never been this bad. The worst part is I came home to see they’d unfollowed me. Must have felt exactly as it came across. Rip. This is gonna wake me up in the middle of the night for years to come 😂
TL;DR: The lead singer of a local ban introduced himself to me at a show they were playing. I didn’t put together who he was before the set, and introduced myself to him again after they were done playing. The band unfollowed me on Instagram and I feel like an idiot. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by trying to make a paralyzed man walk | I'm a paramedic and normally pretty good at my job, but this is one of those times I wasn't. This incident happened when I was a rookie medic , which was a number of years ago.
One Halloween night, we were being run ragged by our call volume, with a seemingly never-ending flood of alcohol overdoses. Halloween in my experience is the day people like to overdo it on booze , St. Paddy's Day is a distant second. After our third call for a severely intoxicated person, my partner and I retired back to the station before receiving a fourth call for a suspected alcohol related overdose. By this time, we were both fed up chauffering drunks to the ER and slightly annoyed. It's not the best state to be in and not professional, but we're humans. Sirens on and lights a blazing we took off to our call.
Arriving at a small bungalow with an attached garage, we make our way bags in hand to the front door. After a knock, we were greeted by a woman in her mid-50s, who was distraught and near hysterical. " My husband drank too much !!" She exclaimed to us before we had a chance to say anything while also poiting at a man in the living room, passed TF out on a sofa. " Oh , okay . How much did he drink ?" I say. She replied, " Two bottles of tequila !" . Damn , that's enough for a Mexican wake, I thought. My partner and I go in and approach our patient, a male in his 50s for our assessment. Surprise,surprise, our man of the hour is so drunk he sounds like he's speaking swahili when he isn't dropping the occasional intelligible insult. We're not getting much information out of him. It fell upon me to interrogate the wife for useful info while my partner took vitals. Things like name , DOB , medications, medical history, allergies and etc. Despite her highly charged emotional state, I got most of what I needed from her, barring one important piece of information that'll come up later. Once finished, I turned to my cohort , asking him if we were taking him to the ER, to which he grunted an ascent. Super. I informed his wife of our plans to transport him to the hospital as he was dangerously drunk and shouldn't remain at home. Fine by her. I also told her we'd be driving cold ( no lights or sirens ) back to emergency, and she's more than welcome to follow us to the hospital. She agreed and flittered away to grab her husband's belongings and get ready.
Now I'm not a big fan of carrying people or moving them with the stretcher when I can, saves my back. So generally, I'll make you walk to my ambulance if you're able, or I can assist you. My partner and I resolved to make this drunk walk his ass with us to the ambo bambo. We pick up our pt , lifting him off his sofa and posting ourselves to either side of him, holding him like a piss drunk marionette. Politely encouraging him we basically march him outside, guided him on verbally and by gently kicking his legs to make them work. The whole time he dosent exactly cooperate , calling us a whole litany of nasty things while we're on our stroll. Finally we get him in the back, my partner attends while I hop in the driver seat.
Fast forward 20 minutes and we're completing our hand off to some very unimpressed nursing staff . We give our report and they thank us with obvious sincerity for delivering another present in the form of an annihilated drunk. Now in order to get back to the ambulance bay we had to cross besides the patient waiting area. While we were with the nurses our patients wife had arrived and settled herself there. On or way back to our rig , she waved us over to her . She thanked us for taking care of her husband, asked how he was and then dropped the bomb . " oh and where did you put his wheel chair ? " . Wait what ? I was mortified, and my expression must have looked like a tennis racket just smacked me in the face. My partner truthfully tells her that we couldn't fit it in the ambulance. I remained silent as the grave . The fuck did I just do ? She never mentioned he couldn't walk and it's not like we picked him up OUT of his wheelchair . I had no idea , I just thought he was loaded out of his gourd. Mollified fully she thanked us before we left.
My partner and I spent sometime in utter disbelief but you'd better believe I properly checked for motor function in the extremities every single call after that cirque du dismay.
TL;DR - I tried to make a paralyzed patient walk after assuming he was just really drunk. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by teaching my 3rd grade students about "succubus" plants | Yesterday we were discussing plants and at the end of the lesson, several students seemed pretty excited to share their knowledge. One student mentioned the carnivorous plant, another wanted to talk about the wolf's bane plant and how it was used back in the day, and another student wanted to talk about a plant that she couldn't remember the name of, and that her mom has them all over the house. Before I continue I need to say that I'm bilingual and that English is my second language, and sometimes I struggle to find the right word to things. On top of that, I'm pregnant and dealing with brain fog, which makes things worst.
I asked the student to describe the plant, and she said that they are small and don't need to be watered that often. I knew right away what plant she must have been talking about, but I needed a few seconds to find the name in my head. The name came to my mind, or so I thought, and with confidence I said, "I think you're talking about the succubus plant". She hesitated for a second and said, "I guess so", and I proceeded to tell the class a few facts about it, and a while later we moved on to something else.
It wasn't until the end of the day, after the students were dismissed, that I began to think about the good moments that we had in the day, and our conversation about plants came to mind. That's when it clicked that what I meant to say was succulent and not succubus 💀 succubus is a sex demon, and I've been so afraid that they went home and told their parents about this "succubus" plant that we learned about in class. I told the principal about it in case we get any angry parents and apologized in advanced. I'm so embarrassed and cannot stop feeling bad about this. I'm hoping that they do not remember the word.
TL;DR:
I accidentally taught my 3rd grade students about the "succubus" plant, but meant to say succulent. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by Underestimating the Electric Scooter | So, this happened a couple of days ago, and I'm still nursing the consequences of my overconfident decisions. I decided to hop on the electric scooter trend and bought myself a sleek, shiny model that promised to be the epitome of urban mobility. Little did I know, it would soon become the source of my own personal disaster.
Excited to test out my new wheels, I cruised down the sidewalk, feeling the wind in my hair and thinking I was the epitome of cool. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I underestimated the scooter's power and found myself careening out of control. In a blink, I collided with the unforgiving side of the concrete, resulting in a cacophony of pain echoing through my body.
To add insult to literal injury, my hands and knees bore the brunt of the impact, leaving them scraped and battered. My lip? It took a beating too. As I lay there in agony, trying to comprehend what just happened, I couldn't help but notice the indifferent glances of passersby. Two or three people strolled right past me, eyes averted, as if I were invisible.
Despite the searing pain in my broken hand, no one offered a helping hand. It was like I was part of an invisible cast myself. In disbelief, I mustered what strength I had left and struggled to my feet, nursing my wounded pride and limbs.
Fueled by determination, I somehow managed to get myself to the hospital. Little did I know, the real challenge was yet to come. A seemingly endless five-hour wait tested my patience and resilience. Finally, a healthcare professional examined my battered self, confirming a broken hand that would now be adorned with a cast.
As I sit here, typing this with one functional hand and a humbled spirit, I can't help but reflect on the TIFU moment. It wasn't just about a lack of scooter skills; it was about overconfidence, misplaced trust in my abilities, and the harsh reality that sometimes, people just won't lend a helping hand when you need it the most. Lesson learned: humility is the best accessory, and electric scooters should come with a mandatory dose of caution.
Tl;dr trusted myself to much on a brand new scooter with no experience and paid the price by falling at 25km and breaking my hand. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by running while recovering from COVID | For context I am 23 F, casual runner who is training for a half marathon. Caught COVID last week right after Thanksgiving. Had all the symptoms- hacking up a lung, sneezing and runny nose, fatigue, some GI issues. Yesterday was the first time I tested negative and I had been feeling relatively normal for about two days so I decided to try to go on a run. Two miles later and I had to stop because I felt like an elephant was sitting on my lungs the entire time. It was just awful.
This morning I woke up and my symptoms had pretty much returned. Hacking up a lung, achy all over. Did some digging online and found that doctors strictly recommend no exercise for at least 2 weeks after having COVID due to the possibility of worsening symptoms, long COVID, and secondary infection. Now I'm feeling almost as shitty as I had been day one of COVID all because I am stubborn and thought I could go on a run.
TL;DR: I ran while recovering from COVID and made myself sick again | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by unknowingly sharing my embarrassing hobby to everyone I know. | As with most TIFU, I realized the fuck up yesterday.
I read and hand-bind fan fiction and have done so for a few years. I created a separate (or so I thought) Instagram page solely for my books and to interact with that community. Fan fiction gets a lot of stigma - When I share my binds with people in my real life, I typically say the stories are from 'independent publishers', and leave out the fan-fiction aspect.
Outside of that account, I am a pretty private person, I don't share many things on social media, and I typically only post a single picture once a year.
Yesterday, I got a notification that my mom liked a picture of a book I had just posted, which didn't make any sense as she doesn't know about binding account. After some panic clicking, I realized that all of my posts had been cross-posting to a FB page that I haven't had access to in over 5 years. Of those who reacted to my posts include my aunt-in-law, an old boss, and the head of the department at the university I attended.
Unfortunately, after hours of trying to log back in to delete everything, it looks like my old facebook account was stolen, the email, phone number, and password changed and no way to remove the posts.
TLDR - Everyone I know personally now knows how dedicated to fan-fiction I am, and I hate the internet. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not picking up on an obvious hint | Last Thursday I went clubbing and helped my friends behind the bar as a courtesy. They just asked me to manage the orders of cocktails, because it was a special night where they served those and they were a man short so I decided to step in. Now I'm the type of guy who's only really sociable when I've been drinking. So thanks to alcohol I chatted a bit with the customers while I was serving their drinks and there was this lady who stood out from the crowd with whom I chatted a good bit with. Later, a friend of hers comes up to me and says that 'her friend' (obviously her, it was just the two of them) thought I was really cute.
Now how do I respond to this? Do I ask them to point to this person out from the crowd? Do I ask her to come over so I can give her my number? Noooo, I just take the compliment like a doofus with a stupid smile and go back to serving cocktails because I'm horrible at taking compliments.
So now I missed an excellent opportunity to move out of the single life because I'm unable to take compliments/hints even when they hit me in the face, beating myself up over how stupid I am, I don't know her name, have no number, nothing. All I remember is her face engraved in my brain and the fact that I go to the same club with my friends every Thursday night. Fingers crossed that I cross paths with her again though. Otherwise I'm gonna beat myself up over this for weeks to come I'm afraid
TL;DR last Thursday night I fucked up by not picking up on a girl's obvious hint while serving cocktails at the club. I don't have her name, number nothing. Just her face | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by sharing a dream w/ a friend I don't talk to often enough | I've known R for 26 years. We don't talk much and we're more so friends because we're both super close with a mutual friend. Nonetheless, I do love the girl and I want to be closer with the friends I already have. So, ofc I text her this weird dream cause it was an opportunity to say, "thinking of you!"
So I text "I had a dream you had a miscarriage o.O at a hospital/ karaoke bar"
She wrote back " oh no!! A hospital karaoke bar sounds kinda fun tho."
Me: "it was a weird as dreams get lol"
Her "Well everything's going good. It's a girl"
Me "wait what"
Her "you didn't know I was pregnant?"
Me "no!! I wouldn't have told you my dream if I did!!! Well congrats!"
I confirmed with the mutual friend cause I honestly thought she was fucking with me. What's good is in the dream it was actually a still birth, so, I think that would've been worse to share. I just hope she isn't going to worry about some weird shit happening now.
Tldr: told my friend I don't talk to often enough that I dreamed she had a miscarriage, only to find out she's pregnant, and now I'm worried she'll worry about losing her baby | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by my mom finding my naked drawings | So this happened A LONG TIME AGO. I was like 9-10 ish years old and my mother was helping me clean my atrociously messy room. See my gay ass had just seen titanic and was obsessed with that one scene *you know the one* and was thinking I had a crush on Leo. No. No I didn’t. I am now realizing that I thought Kate Winslet was so hot that I wanted to be Jack. So anyways there was this drawing. Not Rose. Just a random naked chick that I drew. Huge boobs not very realistic down there area, as I was like 10 years old. And my friend had came over and was looking through my stuff because we were trying to find a yearbook or something, she went in my secret drawer and pulled out the drawing. I nearly screamed, grabbed it and chucked it across the room. See after she left I looked through my room attempting to find it and I never did. Until that one fateful day, my mother was looking through a bucket of some sort full of stuff and low and behold (is that what people say? I have no idea) she found it. She picked it up and said “Morgan” and she showed me it and I ran to the bathroom and cried.
The End 🥲
TL;DR My mom found my naked drawing of some random chick. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by telling a customer congratulations | I’ve gotta be put down for this one for real oh my god. So today at work this customer came in to my store, only about an hour into my shift. She was an older lady and apparently a friend of one of my coworkers. Said coworker was in the office so she asked me to pass along a message. She was wearing a mask, and wasn’t really within conversation distance, so it was difficult for me to understand her. She asked me to tell him that she had…something? Like I said, I couldn’t really hear her so I asked her to repeat herself, and I thought I understood her after that, but boy was I wrong. I thought she said that she had free cancer, as in that she was cancer free, so I said, “That’s wonderful! Congratulations!” Well, that was the worst response I could’ve possibly given, because what she actually said was that she has pre-cancer. I apologized profusely and told her I’d be praying for her, but good god do I feel bad.
TL;DR - Tifu by telling a customer congratulations for her cancer | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not double checking the rules to my tournament | I am in my high schools speech and debate team and I entered the Lincoln Douglass debate category. It looked relatively simple and this is my first tournament. I had a good amount of information and thought I was going to do well, I memorized about a weeks worth of information, then when I went in I learned something shocking... WE WERE ALLOWED TO BRING IN LAPTOPS THAT HAVE COPIES OF OUR SPEECH. All of a sudden at this revelation I proceeded to forget all my information that I studied for a week learning I could've had all this of a F***** Google docs. Needless to say I got absolutely obliterated my first round. When my humiliation in which my opponent and judge after learning my false information felt bad for me was over (not bad enough to let me win, but felt bad), I had one hour to prepare an affirmative case. All things considered out was pretty good, if it was an article or something. Since it was a debate then I had absolutely no way to defend my 90% completed paper or make any argument against theirs. They also obliterated me but at least I looked like I know what I was doing for about 10 minutes. I have a third round in 42 minutes and I'm probably going to be obliterated again. I don't know for sure but I think they have a list of arguments to make for practically every thing I could've said. All of this could've been solved of I double checked the rules and known I could've brought that laptop. I even have one in my backpack, I just didn't know I was allowed to use it. I'm just ready for this too be over and prepare for the next one. Sucky day but to late to change it.
TL;DR. I didn't know I could use my laptop to write down my debate and thought I had to memorize it. Upon realizing I could've had the laptop I forgot all of my points and my opponents absolutely destroyed me. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by telling my mom the stuff that squirts out when you first squeeze the ketchup looks like pre-cum | Context: I’m 26F My mom and I were not close while I was growing up, and tbh we still aren’t.
This was actually in 7th or 8th grade. My friends and I were eating lunch in the cafeteria and someone started squirting ketchup onto their food and someone said “that looks like pre-cum” and everyone laughed. I kinda chuckled to seem like I knew what they meant. But I had no clue what they meant and thought “precome” was a word related to something mundane, but that it was supposedly funny. (Very sheltered, I know)
Anyway, later that week I was eating dinner with my mom, dad, and sister and I don’t remember what we ate, but ketchup was part of it. My mom started squeezing the ketchup bottle and the red, liquid-y part started coming out. I laughed a little bit and pointed to it “that looks like precome.” She looked at me kind of puzzled and then pretended like I didn’t say anything. I was sad that the joke didn’t land but I chalked it up to her maybe not being in a good mood.
When I found out what pre-cum actually was a year or so later, I remembered that conversation with my mom and was so mortified!!
About 12 years after that initial conversation, I brought it up to her to see if she remembered. I hadn’t seen her laugh that hard in a long time. Apparently she didn’t even remember that conversation! I couldn’t believe it, I was so embarrassed for so long and she didn’t even remember the conversation 😂
TLDR: When I was in 7th grade or so, I heard my friends say the liquid that comes out of ketchup when you first squeeze the bottle (if you don’t shake it) looks like pre-cum. I didn’t know what pre-cum was and told my mom that’s what it looked like. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU because I told the veterinarian I was feeding my pup breastmilk | So my pup is dying, but don't be sad as he's very old and has lived a great long happy life.
We use a hospice vet who is awesome. He does quality of life stuff at first, then eventually euthanizes in home. Generally he's supportive through the last month or two of life. It costs a lot but it's really the best.
So my dog's appointment is Tuesday. (Again, sad, but he's just so old and tired!) And he's not eating a lot. The vet told me since it's the end of his life, food is "FREE FOR ALL, NO RULES, WHATEVER CALORIES WILL SUSTAIN THE DOG" through the weekend.
So I wanted to ask the vet if he had any ideas for feeding, anything really high flavor, as dogs tend to have no appetite towards the end of life. I chose to tell him things I've already tried. I said that I tried cooked meat, a different dog food, puppy milk, *and human milk.*
I meant milk that humans drink. Cow milk. Not human milk.
When he texted me back and I realized my mistake, I wanted to die of embarrassment.
TLDR I told the vet that I fed my dying dog breastmilk. I said "human milk" meaning not puppy milk meaning milk that humans drink meaning cow's milk. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by letting a hookup see my fucking hoarder's den of an apartment. | So my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago. Unfortunately, we both live in a one bedroom with both our names on it, and he still wants to get back with me. And I can't afford to move out.
Anyway fast forward to today, where I'm on a dating app to get over a guy I was briefly seeing after my ex. I speak to a cute gentleman who supposedly says he's 28M but I suspect he's much much much younger. Probably younger than I (24F).
He wants to come over and hookup, I immediately said no because I knew what my apartment look like. It looks disgusting. A hoarder's den of trash and shit everywhere. Dirty clothes on the ground, carpets and rugs not vacuumed in months. I can't keep up with cleaning as I've been working nonstop to save up and get the fuck out.
I knew it was disgusting so I said no. Hookup goes on and on about how its not that bad and to just let him come by for a quick romp.
"C'mon you're so sexy, blah blah blah"
Long story short, I said sure, just let me clean and shower so I can at least have some form of dignity.
He said he would take 45 minutes to get to me. Guys, i was barely finished with the kitchen in that time and even then it still looks disgusting. This place needs a week straight of deep cleaning. And this poor asshole walks in expecting apparently something entirely different.
Poor poor bastard. Anyway brave soul he is, comes in anyway, willing to bust a nut. I take a quick shower because I'm disgusting (depression from living in this dump and working constantly).
So he walks in and goes "its not that bad"
After busting a nut, "I made a huge and terrible mistake."
He gets sweaty and nervous, he starts acting weird, he's embarrassed, I'm embarrassed. He tells me he was wrong and this place is much much worse than he realized and leaves. As I find my phone, I go to text him an apology, I find he unmatched me and blocked me.
I am so fucking embarrassed and even more depressed than I was before lmao.
Tldr; I fucked up by letting a hookup see my and my ex's disgusting trash dump of an apartment. He gets post nut clarity, leaves immediately and blocks me. Which is honestly fair.
ETA: I see a lot of comments asking the same thing and i did answer but I'll clarify one thing.
Ex makes mess- When I was with him, I cleaned mess as best I could while being full time provider.
Ex and I broke up, Ex is still part time and still makes mess. I am still full time but I stopped taking care of Ex. My apartment has become hoarder's den. I still admit fault for being unable to keep with it now that its starting to affect my mental health. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by making chloroform and chlorine gas | Let's get this out of the way. Yes, I'm stupid. Yes, you probably knew exactly what I did the second you read the title. Yes, I was already aware of the dangers, just didn't think.
So I saw online that mixing vinegar, alcohol, and a bit of dawn dishsoap makes an effective bathroom cleaner. We have extremely hard water that makes just everything stick. Edges get pink or black mold if not kept clean. So I made this mixture and sprayed down around the rim of my bathtub and the plastic shower curtains.
Our bathroom is also a tiny enclosed area with poor ventilation so mold starts growing on the ceiling. Every once in a while I have to bleach the ceiling to kill it off.
So my brilliant brain was like, "well, while the tub is soaking, I'll work on the ceiling. Out comes the flat mop and bleach. As I work on the ceiling some drips fall down. I start to notice a smell but I've always been sensitive to cleaners so I didn't really think much of it. Respiratory irritation is always a thing for me when cleaning.
I finish the ceiling and start to scrub the tub. That's when I start really feeling the slight burning in my nasal cavity and back of my throat. I finally realize I've made both chloroform (bleach + alcohol) and chlorine gas (bleach + vinegar).
I had not diluted the bleach on my mop (I really wanted to kill that mold ._.) and apparently the alcohol/vinegar mixture I made was supposed to be 1/3 water. I did not have water in there. Just straight up vinegar and alcohol. So I guess even the little bit that mixed was rather potent.
Now on the first day of December my windows are wiiiide open to air out my house. I'm sitting here feeling the burn in my throat and also feeling like a dumbass... because I already knew not to mix those chemicals. I don't even know what I was thinking. It was just straight up dumbassery.
I'm fking embarrassed about it but thought I'd come here to cry about how dumb I am.
TL;DR - I accidentally made chloroform and chlorine gas while cleaning and gassed myself. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by Going On a Late-Night Road Trip Without my Strict Parents Knowing | Honestly, I can not even say anything. I am dumb for deciding to go with my friends (we are all 17m). I called my traditional Asian mom, telling her I was going to a city 25 minutes away and will be back by 9:30-10pm. My friends asked me if I want to go on a roadtrip to pick up some car wheels and lied that we will be back before 10:30. We did not get back before 10:30.
My siblings eventually found out mid-trip because we share locations with each other and they were cool with it besides my eldest sister, which she was mad and told my mom about it. My phone eventually died, and they got a hold of my friends number through my sister's friend, asking for us to drive safe back home and that I won't be in much trouble. They lied.
I got back home around 1:30am and when I entered the house, my mom was standing there in the hallway waiting for me. It was very understandable that she was yelling at me, telling me that I should not be hanging out with those friends anymore which I do agree. She told me I can't go out anymore and that she will talk to me more and will tell this to my dad the day after when he comes home.
Now it is 10:02am the day after and I am currently dreading the talk because of how embarrassed and angry at myself for going and will probably get my ass whooped.
&#x200B;
TLDR: Angry at myself for going on a late night road-trip due to peer pressure and was gullible. Asian parents and siblings are mad at me. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by cooking naked | This is probably a terrible idea to most people, but I live alone and decided to cook breakfast before getting clothed this morning.
So I’m cooking bacon and some breakfast sausages in a single pan and ready to plate. I grab my tongs, and I’m not a physics guy, so I pick up two of the sausages simultaneously and lift them up to move them over to my plate. They’re a couple inches off the pan when they inevitably work together to roll themselves out of the tongs and back into the pan. Hot bacon grease goes flying, my peen gets some of that action, and I suffer.
Use an apron or something; only pick up one sausage when using tongs. Lesson learned.
TL;DR breakfast sausages splashed into a pan of hot bacon grease while cooking naked and sent some flying directly onto my wiener. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by forgetting to close porn | Well, this just happened and I feel like an idiot.
I have a friend who is a bit of a handyman, I asked him to come over and replace a blind in my study that had fallen from the wall.
He comes in and we chat for a bit and blah blah blah, then he gets to work on the blind. I went and made a coffee and he really liked it, he asked where I got my beans.
I order them for an online shop so I told him this and opened my laptop to show him the site and prices etc. As soon as I punched in my PIN the screen came to life, revealing what I was watching last night.
It was only up for about 3 seconds, but we both stood there looking at a picture of a woman pegging a guy.
I slammed the lid of the laptop down, went bright red and tried to play it off by saying "oh I'll just text you the website"
To be fair, he carried on without mentioning it and was acting perfectly normal when he left. But I know that he saw it, I know he saw it all.
So that's been a fun morning!
TLDR: Opened my laptop in front of a friend and exposed my secrets to him. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by using my grill for extra oven space on Thanksgiving | My oven isn't huge, so it was pretty taken up all day by most of the other sides. I smoked the turkey to allow for more oven items, but we still had some sweet potats that I didn't have room for. So my genius self solved this by using our gas grill with a cool-side/hot-side method to cook a tray of scalloped sweet potatoes. I peeled them and sliced them finely and covered them in a smooth and rich broth of cream, butter, and brown sugar. After checking them a few times they were just about ready, so I shut the grill off and kept the lid shut to keep them warm for serving.
I'd tell you how they came out, but I literally just now remembered that they're on there....
Tl;dr: left cooked potatoes on my grill for a week, guess I'll see what kind of science project is there now when I get home. It has not been cold where I live lol | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by mentioning to my friend the price of the tickets for a concert we would attend (before actually buying them) | A couple weeks ago I asked my friend (we're both 20) if she wanted to attend a kpop group's concert with me June next year. We like the group a lot and it's gonna be their first time in our country.
Today I decided to see if the tickets were already being sold, and to my surprise some of the options were already sold out, so I decided I had to buy them now. From the very beginning my idea was paying for both tickets.
I decided to confirm with her if she still wanted to go. She said yes, and said that she would pay me back later on, which I refused.
I ended up mentioning the price of the tickets (cheapest option being around $130 USD, (EDIT: Around $130 each) over half a month of minimum wage here), and she thought the price was too high. Now she no longer wants to go, even if I pay for the tickets.
She was willing to go, but after knowing the price she changed her mind. I should have just bought the tickets beforehand and given to her, I can't do this now, I don't wanna pressure her into going.
I'm still going to the concert, but alone, which sucks. I wanted to have this experience with her. We're planning to do something cheaper together soon though.
TL;DR I was planning going to a concert with my friend. She knew I would pay for both our tickets, but she changed her mind after I told her how expensive the tickets are. I should've bought them before. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by tripping while my body went into a chronic illness flare. | Ok so this was yesterday. My boyfriend and I had some shrooms, yay! I was excited. Got the tea prepped, got our space clean and put out fun things to do. We drank the tea, watched velveteen rabbit. Toward the end of the movie my stomach started to have major cramps. When sober, I know this means to immediately take some Benadryl and a stomach cramping medication.
I have Mastocytic Enterocolitis. My body loves to think everything is a foreign object, and goes into anaphylactic spectrum at random. It almost always starts with stomach cramps.
Since I was tripping, I was wondering if it was even real. Eventually I did go to my bedroom to take my meds. But I was giggling my butt off because I felt like a little kid.
Lo and behold, the pain eventually got excruciating. I was in between being unable to move/speak from the pain, and giggling at the floor because it was moving. I’d be laying in bed praying for the pain to go away one second, and laughing at my cat who suddenly looked like a cartoon with a mustache the next.
10/10 don’t recommend. Very overwhelming experience. But also if you’re going to flare… I mean… it was at least interesting.
TL;DR I started to have chronic pain while tripping my butt off and I just would not recommend that experience. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by ruining the magic of Christmas | Every year around the holidays I am still saddened at the fact that I ruined the magic of Christmas by being a nosy child.
Christmas was my favorite time of the year as I came from a lower income household so I didn’t get presents unless on my birthday and Christmas. During my childhood my mom went all out fully decorating our house in a Christmas theme, ranging from Christmas hand towels all the way down to Christmas rugs. Christmas was her favorite holiday as a kid and she wanted that same magic for my brother and I.
Going back to when I was 10 years old my brother and I both believed in Santa but also knew our parents would give us one gift with mom and dad written on the box, but the rest came from Santa.
One day my brother and I decided we couldn’t wait till Christmas Day and decided to look for the one present that was coming from our parents, so we looked everywhere, under beds, in closets, but ultimately decided to go into the crawl space to look further.
After checking nearly every container in our crawl space, we got to the last couple of boxes under a blanket, and under that blanket contained every Christmas gift for the both of us. We were both a bit puzzled, as we thought Santa didn’t bring gifts until Christmas morning. Of course being nosey children we went through each item. The TIFU moment occurred when I got my hands on a Yak Bak (the let you record messages on them) naturally I hit the play button and it was a voice recording of my mother saying “Ho ho ho merry Christmas” in her best efforts to sound like Santa. We both instantly realized that Santa and my mom were the same person and it crushed us. The magic of Christmas was gone just like that, and I felt tremendous guilt of spoiling it for myself.
While playing with the Yak Bak I accidentally recorded over my mom’s Santa voice and once that happened it was gone forever. Fast forward to Christmas morning I’ll never forget when I unwrapped the Yak Bak and my mom asked me to hit play to see if Santa left a message, and when I did that, I was me making fart noises. The look on my mom’s face still pains me to this date 25 years later, the sheer look of disappointment and sadness on her face on what was supposed to be a special message ruined by nosey children who just couldn’t wait to know what gifts they got on Christmas.
My mother passed away a few years ago from cancer and since then I have a child of my own. As a parent I know find myself in similar shoes as my mother wanting Christmas to be just as magical for my daughter specifically with Santa in honor of my mom.
I miss my mom dearly and what I wouldn’t give to still have that Yak Bak with her voice on it.
TL;DR - I spoiled Christmas by being nosey only to find out my mom was Santa. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by not putting my cat out of the room during sexy time | There are 2 things you need to know about my cat. First, she’s extremely clingy. She cannot stand to be on the other side of a closed door from me. Second, she has osteocondrodysplasia, which caused her paws to be malformed, and her back feet are large for her size. She also moves differently from other cats.
So my fiancé and I decided to have sexy time tonight. Cat is just chilling in the room while we do our thing. It’s fine, she’s calm, so we don’t kick her out and close the door because she will yell.
I’m laying on the bed on my back with my eyes closed, and he’s attending to me, not near my face. Well, the cat decides to get the zoomies. She launches herself off the desk chair, and starts to run a lap around the bed. Right across my face. Her large back feet both slam directly into my right eye.
Cue instant pain and a halt to our fun. Felis interruptus strikes again, and now I wait to see if I have a black eye in the morning. She will be put outside the room for all future sexy times. She can yell all she likes.
TL;DR we didn’t lock the cat out of the room during sex, she got the zoomies, and may have given me a black eye. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by assuming a blowjob had actual blowing of air | This was roughly 12 hours ago and I am still experiencing anxiety to the point where coffee is no longer necessary to keep me awake.
I've never been a social butterfly, I've been REALLY trying. As of late, I installed a couple dating apps to try and get myself some more "experience". I've never had casual sex before, and the partners I've been with in the past never really complained about my methods aside from too much teeth or not enough teeth.
I matched with a man roughly 2 miles from my community college. Took an Uber over to his apartment with the promise of anime and a hookup. The poor man took a sick day off his job for this moment.
I get to his place and sit on the bed. He puts some anime and we lay down. After an episode, we make out for a bit. Things get spicy and he got hard. He asks me to blow him.
I grew up pretty damn sheltered, and have zero idea how to properly go down on a man. I gave the most questionably bizarre blowjob that included huffs of cold air in the nice 40F room along with making weird fart noises on his cock. I felt his erection gradually die and shrivel up back into hiding. I did not know what was going on.
Now, this guy... he was fucking confused. He didn't question what I was doing until maybe 10 minutes in. His unforgettable expression of "what the fuck is this chick doing" was pretty evident. I asked him why he wasn't getting any harder. I understood at that moment what I was doing/not doing. Fuck.
I excused myself and decided to forego the fuckening. I'm damn sure he felt the same way after that altercation, as evident from the silence. I waited outside in the cold rain for an Uber home.
tldr; I met with a guy for casual sex and used my limited knowledge on the art of oral to make his erection go away.
Edit 1: one of my friends showed me this today and I nearly outed myself. ALSO I had an ex that dated a woman whose teeth all fell out due to a medical condition and he told me gummy blowjobs aren't that fun. | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by forgetting my wallet, taking a ferry to a random island where I barely speak the language, and getting stuck there | Obligatory not today, but about two years ago
One of my hobbies is to go hiking/walking solo in random places. A few years ago, I moved to a small European country with a low rural population density and lots of islands. Somehow, I decided the best time to start this hobby again was on New Year's Eve when it was bitterly cold and windy, so I woke up early and traveled to a small island that was a 3 hour bus ride and half hour ferry ride away from where I lived.
I got there without incident but realized I had completely forgotten my wallet at home - so I had to survive the entire day on a few bananas I had brought, plus I didn't have any form of ID to show I had rightfully purchased an age discount ticket. By the time I left, I had walked 10+ km in a few hours and spent the rest of the time in a waiting area, sheltering from the bitter cold outside.
Unfortunately, this was only the start of the FU. I managed to take the last bus back home, beginning with the ferry that carries the bus, but I was so busy uploading the beautiful photos I took that I completely failed to notice that the ferry had already landed. By the time I did notice, it was too late - it had already started heading back to the island from the mainland, and the bus had left.
I spent the next few hours desperately asking around with my terrible language skills if anyone would take me back to the city I lived in, as well as contacting any of my friends from the country who could pick me up from the mainland. It didn't help that due to not having my wallet, it was completely impossible to go to another city and book a hotel for the night.
Finally, on the very last ferry, some younger people reluctantly agreed to take me back. I was extremely thankful and messaged my best friend at the time that everything was alright. When I finally got to the city I lived in after midnight, she (my best friend) asked me if I had gotten back safely, which I thankfully had. I learned my lesson never to forget my wallet again...
Unfortunately I thought of this story because my then-best friend is probably not my friend anymore, but that's how life goes sometimes. Otherwise it's quite a funny memory, although it might not have been quite so funny if I had been stranded in cold weather overnight!
TL;DR: forgot my wallet, traveled to a random distant island where I barely spoke the language, almost got stranded overnight and was "rescued" at the last possible opportunity | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by giving a girl the wrong number... | I was hanging out with some friends from my theater class and this very cute woman came up to me to ask for a lighter. I lit her cigarette and chatted briefly with her (we are in France and she spoke english so she was pleasantly surprised when I replied in english), then as she left she turned back and looked at me, giving me a very strong eye contact, which I took as a sign that she was at least somewhat interested in me.
As my friends started walking she was walking rather slowly just ahead of us and sort of turning around looking at the shops around and occasionally peaking at me while her head was turned, so I decided to walk up to her again and offer to give her my number. As I got next to her she smiled, I made her giggle a couple of times and she told me that was the nicest way someone had ever approached her... It was all going better than expected! We chatted again briefly and she seemed very interested in seeing each other again.
Then comes the fuck up. You see she was from Holland, and only staying in Paris for a few months, in fact she only had one more month before she had to leave, so as I gave her my number she said she needed to put the area prefix - for french numbers you need to put +33 before the number if calling internationally - and as she re-wrote my number in her phone she put in the dutch prefix which is +31...
Thing is, I didn't react on the moment, something in me thought "something's wrong", but having drunk a couple of beers and being a little euphoric from how well things were going, I didn't think anything of it... And then we parted ways.
It's only later that I realized she had written the wrong prefix and therefore had the wrong number, and I understood that I was never going to see her again :(
So here I am, kicking myself for not reacting in time and correcting her, she was truly beautiful and that was one of the sweetest interactions I've had in a while, and although I know it would have been short-lived since she's leaving Paris in a month, I can't help but feel really shitty and beating myself up over it, I really wanted to see her again. :')
So if anybody has some comforting or encouraging words, those would be very much appreciated! I'm feeling really shitty about it and could very much use the kind words!
TLDR: had a very sweet interaction with a girl that clearly showed interest but she made a slight mistake as I gave her my number and I did not correct her in time meaning I won't hear from her again :( | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
TIFU by telling my roommate to stop having sex while I was in the room. | I’m writing this story at 2:37 in the morning still in shock.
A little back story is required to better understand my roommate- for the entire first semester of this year (freshmen) my roommate has had a body odor problem, has been making free use of my trash bags, silverware, soap, lint roller, etc. things that I had to replace multiple times. I had talked to him plenty of times and even gotten my RA involved to meditate to no avail. So tensions were already existing. Now onto the story-
Earlier today my roommate left our shared dorm room (one room two beds) to go to a party. In the several hours he was gone I had invited my girlfriend over to eat and watch tv. After a while of us being there my roommate arrives with a girl. They settle onto his bed with the blankets over them and minutes later their making noises and he’s doing the deed with us in the room. At this time my girlfriend was falling asleep and didn’t know what was going on so I got her up fast and got out. After sending her on her way I went down the hall to my friends room to tell them what was going on, then sent the roommate a very strongly worded text saying that was something he shouldn’t have done. Around 45 minutes pass and I go back to the room to check if they’re still there (they are and it’s 10:45pm at this point) so I leave again. Wait another 30 mins, and get a text saying “come back in dude”. I return to her sitting one the bed and he says “you know we can just talk one on one, you don’t have to be like that”. Then I loose it, now I’m normally soft spoken and don’t anger easily but I’m a fairly big dude and he’s never heard me angry before. I go off (with choice words) about how disrespectful and disgusting he is for what he did and bringing up things he’s done all semester. I finished by saying, and this is what I think tipped the scales, “this is something someone would get their ass beaten for” then right after telling him “you need to leave now. Take the girl and get out”. He left while calling someone and I though that was the end of it, I would talk to my RA tomorrow and be done, but no. 20 minutes later the door slams shut and him and a grown man who is wearing a puffer jacket with no shirt walk in. The guy start yelling at me saying “respect goes both ways, and I need to show his boy some respect” he calls my girlfriend who was on FaceTime with me then a bitch and keeps threatening me and saying he’d beat my ass. He finishes by leaving the room and saying “if you report this I’ll pull up with my homies to take care of you” so I waited for them to leave, got my friends to help me move my stuff out after filling an incident report with campus security and got put into temporary housing for my safety.
TL;DR
Told my roommate off for having sex while my girlfriend and I were in the room so he sicked his adult frat friend to threaten me with violence | {
"source": "Reddit"
} |
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