Reddit AITA Finetuning V1
Collection
Datasets curated from the reddit r/amithea**hole subreddit and models finetuned on them using QLoRA.
•
25 items
•
Updated
•
1
Dataset Viewer
submission_title
stringlengths 21
221
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.35k
| submission_score
int64 417
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 76
106
| submission_date
stringdate 2019-01-11 16:24:46
2022-12-30 21:31:43
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 11
728
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
3.36k
| top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
4.44k
| top_comment_4
stringlengths 5
5.05k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 8
6.13k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
3.72k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
3.25k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
3.66k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
5.79k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
6.07k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 475
3.76k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 546
4.24k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
WIBTA for keeping a found cat that has a questionable owner? | a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived.
i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart.
the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd.
now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner.
i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago.
tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? | 553 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j98c2f/wibta_for_keeping_a_found_cat_that_has_a/ | 2020-10-11 16:22:13 | info: have you considered asking the owner if you can keep her? perhaps if you told them the state you found her in, they might reconsider owning one. | info : did you tell the humane society the state you found it in?
i'd like to tell you to not return the cat, but now that the owner knows you have it, and they have your identity, you could get in trouble for not doing so... | [deleted] | it doesn't take long for a cat living on the streets to look bad especially if they have mostly been an indoor cat. my mother's cat got lost for about 5 days after she snuck outside, she didn't know how to be an outdoor cat and looked an absolute state when found.
my point is the cat probably got into the state you found it in after it ran outside and got lost. ywbta if you don't return it to its owner. | ywbta
but thank god it all worked out well in the end!!!
you and your cat will have plenty of great moments together.
short explanation on my judgement: we also have a free roaming cat who can appear really hungry (cries a lot for food) and a bit neglected (has some scars).
but the thing is: she permanently (!) has a full bowl of food, and gets a lot of variety. but she really likes eating when people eat at a table. so when we or our neighbours sit down to eat, she's always there looking and often begging.
we got het at an animal shelter and she's always been like that. she's also always had some scars (ear, face) that probably happend when she fought another cat. she also has a lot of color "patches", which make her appear more wild than she is.
some of our neighbours think our cat is neglected. we know because they told us about it before they knew it was our cat. she sleeps 1 night out of 2 at home, and eats a lot. she likes to roam in our neighbourhood and we don't stop her.
our neighbours think a cat should be kept inside. but i disagree; she would be a bit cleaner but also really miserable inside. | null | null | null | null | null | INFO | INFO | null | YTA | YTA | null | null | null | null | null | 0.125 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived. i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart. the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd. now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner. i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago. tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived. i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart. the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd. now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner. i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago. tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? [/INST] info: have you considered asking the owner if you can keep her? perhaps if you told them the state you found her in, they might reconsider owning one. </s> |
AITA for freaking out when told I've "sheltered" my son? | my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit.
my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him.
his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much.
i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? | 2,638 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ljykww/aita_for_freaking_out_when_told_ive_sheltered_my/ | 2021-02-14 22:05:59 | nah. you raised him as best you could.
that said, i was the kid trapped in the house. i don't have that allergy, but i did spend a lot of time bedridden/in hospitals.
my social skills are shit. i get anxiety when talking to offline human beings, because i never properly learned how to talk to human beings.
with zoom and all the other resources, you can expand his world. he doesn't have to be the kid in the bubble, like i was. you should be expanding his world. and stop being afraid of screen time. sometimes, computers are literally the only way i can interact with people outside my home. they are my community. | esh i think, except your son. you're in a very unique situation. but you have to socialize this kid. therapy, too. evening time activities. small part-time job. there's a grocery store chain in my area that hires kids at 14 and they work 10 hours a week or so and employers can make accomodations. d&d groups, gymnastics (in a gym), something. yes, his sun allergy severely limits what he can do but your kid needs to socialize somehow. | yta. in a way, your ex is slightly right in some of the aspects he accused you of. i don't think your a bad mum, i think you are trying your best, but i also think you can't apply the same standards and norms to your son. i say this specifically in terms of your approach to screen time. your son is by necessity, cut off from the world, and his social skills are as a result suffering. you have this amazing tool available to you and him that can expand his horizon, allow him to connect with others his age, and prevent him from being isolated. by applying the standards other parents apply for their kids (restricting screen time) to your son, you have further crippled him. other kids get contact with their peers in their day to day life. being addicted to screen time is therefore detrimental to them. your son doesn't get that opportunity, and it is therefore important and necessary to find alternative ways of getting those essential experiences. the internet would help him connect with his peers, and help build those skills he so sorely lacks. | [deleted] | esh. it’s rude of your ex to just waltz back into his life and critique the way you raised him. he lost the right to make parenting decisions when he left.
however, there’s no reason he can’t have friends even just online friends. especially now with everyone doing all socialising from the comfort of their own home it’s a perfect time to increase his socialisation a bit. i know your case is quite unique, but school serves to learn how to interact with your peers as well as an academic education, and you need to replicate that as best as you can, through online socialising, evening events, perhaps a night shift at a fast food place if he’s old enough where you are. i’m just not sure that spending a bit too much time talking to friends online would be the worst thing in his situation. | you have the money to stay home and home school your kid but not to move to a place where he can have a life? your kid was born with this issue, so you’ve had 15 years to figure this out and you still “can’t afford to move” when this would be a one off expense? you limit your kid’s interaction with others online if he can’t see them in person. seems like you wanted to raise your son as a strange reclusive mummy’s boy and saw his condition as an excuse/reason to smother him and deny him independence and a normal life. | yta. your son needs a social life and connections beyond his mother. | yta.
i have a close friend who is allergic to the sun and he isn't sheltered at all. he has a great social life, went to school and uni, is part of social clubs, has had lots of different part-time jobs and is very well-adjusted. he even comes on camping trips with us every summer (wears gloves and long-sleeves).
i think you're being overprotective and crippling him on top of his condition. there's no reason he can't have a job in an indoor or evening place (mall, fast food, factory). high school is also perfectly fine, classes by that age are indoors and he can just sit not-near-a-window.
he's already 15, he absolutely needs to develop some social skills while he still can. it will be very hard for him to learn these skills once he reaches adulthood. i know you think he's perfect just the way he is, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't listen to modern music or watch current movies, but these issues run so much deeper than that stuff. a life without friends your own age or positive social interactions can lead to really bad mental health issues. | info: did you ever organise or look into social things that take place at night? i had plenty of after school things as a kid that meant i could play with kids outside of school and usually when it was dark. these happened at local libraries and community centres and a few other places.
it does sound sound like you have wrapped him in just a bit too much bubble wrap, with the internet there are so many places online for people to socialise. it's seems that it's not only your son who is sensitive, you freaking out about one small argument and seemingly spiralling about potentially ruining a relationship because of that one argument? not exactly a normal reaction, do you have friends and a social life outside of your son? | esh/nah except for the son. i was going to say y.t.a because i have friends with the same allergy who were able to be present in a conventional school environment, but i don't know the extent or severity of his allergy, so i don't want to pass judgement on that choice. we also don't know all the details about his situation in general.
still, the dad has no right to critique your parenting when he's done little to none of his own, and you might need to own up to the reality that you seem to be sheltering him in other ways.
home-schooled children need a ton of extra socialization-- youth groups, jobs, clubs, long visits to public libraries, etc. if his allergy is so severe that he can't do those things, then you shouldn't be limiting his screen time as much and he needs to find healthy communities online to engage with. it seems like you are self aware and doing your best, but children who are home-schooled are at risk of developing social anxiety and other quirks even if they don't have an allergy/covid quarantine keeping them isolated, so the responsibility is yours to make sure he gets as much interaction as possible. | NAH | ESH | YTA | null | ESH | null | YTA | YTA | INFO | ESH | 0.125 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit. my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him. his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much. i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit. my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him. his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much. i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? [/INST] nah. you raised him as best you could. that said, i was the kid trapped in the house. i don't have that allergy, but i did spend a lot of time bedridden/in hospitals. my social skills are shit. i get anxiety when talking to offline human beings, because i never properly learned how to talk to human beings. with zoom and all the other resources, you can expand his world. he doesn't have to be the kid in the bubble, like i was. you should be expanding his world. and stop being afraid of screen time. sometimes, computers are literally the only way i can interact with people outside my home. they are my community. </s> |
AITA for making an autistic man realize one of his friends is a rapist? | i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible.
i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic.
we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now.
a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant.
apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since.
i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. | 7,339 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqi836/aita_for_making_an_autistic_man_realize_one_of/ | 2019-02-14 10:01:17 | nah
he deserved the truth. asshole lied to him and manipulated him. all you've done is disabused him of that. john can't go around repeating those lies, hurting sarah again and making john even more unpopular. | nah - besides asshole, that is. and you didn’t “hurt” john for nothing; you taught him a valuable life lesson about trusting everything people say.
| nah, except you know...asshole. | [deleted] | nah.
this wasn’t all for nothing. you stood by and supported your friend who was a victim of rape. i think that’s very commendable and you aren’t the asshole for not allowing an abuser to manipulate others.
i’d say give john some space as i’m sure he’s just taking some time to process everything. it always hurts to find out someone isn’t who you thought they were, and for john this might be the first time he’s experiencing this. i’m sure he’ll be glad he knows the truth when this all blows over. | nta. he needed to know - otherwise he's left thinking guys get locked up for bad breakups | nah - john may have been happier, now, but what would have happened upon asshole's release if john didn't know the truth? | nah you have protentially saved john from repeating assholes lies to the wrong person and getting hit or beaten up. you did the right thing. | nta. you did good, though john is hurting now. you might want to have a convo with john and help him understand that sarah’s friendship is gone and why. or he may be arriving late to the conclusion that she’s done with him. that he harmed sarah with his words.
i have autism. the times i’ve believed and believed in the wrong person has boiled in my brain for years sometimes. i have an extreme, over-the-top (and i mean that in the wwi sense of the word) reaction to being lied to. this is for a couple reasons. 1) it doesn’t occur to me to lie. i think in literal terms. it’s hard enough to understand social nuance without factoring in deceit. liars need to have a long memory to keep who hear what straight. very tiring and discordant.
2)i was easily gulled and taken advantage of well into my 30s. now i’m not. but the memory of how trusting i was makes me cringe still. nowadays i’ve gotten scary accurate at picking out falsehoods based on body language, remembering everyone’s stories and (i know it sounds crazy) small changes in scent. i guess lying makes stress inside that makes a sour smell?
3) being lied to makes me feel so so *stupid*. i hate that feeling. hate. it transforms me back into a confused special-needs 6 year old showing her panties to the neighborhood boy because he said he wants to make sure i’m wearing the right day(they were printed with the days of the week), so i don’t make a mistake.
4) if someone lies to me, it’s as if they’ve said to my face that they think i’m stupid. so dumb that i can’t figure out that they are lying.
5) i fell for it again. i’m never going to get it right.
john might be experiencing some of this.
but you did right. he can learn. he needs to learn there’s not only three sides to every story, but way more than that.
you’re a good friend. i’m sorry for john. sorry for sarah. i’m glad the real asshole is in jail. | nah except for, of course, the rapist.
imo you did john a favor. if one of my friends was a rapist i'd want to know.
but nevermind whether you did john a favor, you did society a favor. rapists shouldn't get to lie to people about what they did, even if those people are happy to be lied to. | NAH | NAH | NAH | null | NAH | NTA | NAH | NAH | NTA | NAH | 0.031437 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible. i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic. we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now. a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant. apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since. i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible. i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic. we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now. a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant. apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since. i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. [/INST] nah he deserved the truth. asshole lied to him and manipulated him. all you've done is disabused him of that. john can't go around repeating those lies, hurting sarah again and making john even more unpopular. </s> |
AITA for intentionally sending my mom a dick pic to prove a point? | i know, i know. hear me out.
i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find.
i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up.
last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb.
i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate.
honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? | 3,518 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekwcw1/aita_for_intentionally_sending_my_mom_a_dick_pic/ | 2020-01-06 16:27:40 | esh
your mom doesn't understand privacy, and you're fucking out of your mind. | yta. this is some weird ass form of retaliation? | this made me laugh pretty hard but yta. i'm actually kind of surprised that you think there could be a situation in which sending your mom a dick pic wouldn't make you ta. | yta
what did you *think* was going to happen?
i might have said "mom- a lot of my texts are personal and sexy- do you really want to see that?"
but far more likely i would have said "mom, i am an adult man and have zero intentions of sharing my texts with my mommy. you're just going to have to find a way to live with that." | esh.
i know what it's like having helicopter parents. but dude, come on. | esh
you're mom needs to learn that you're an adult and capable of you're own decisions (ones that mostly don't pertain to her anyways). she needs to realize that what you do is your own business.
but...
i can understand her prodding eventually getting to you, but at the same time, you sent your mom a dick pic lmao. why were you even hard? who does that?? | esh c'mon sending a dick pic to your mom is gross. sending unsolicited dick pics is gross. | esh. you couldn't have found a picture on the internet or something instead? lmaooo | bruh, esh, but damn. how angry or better yet, what mindset do you have to be in to think “ugh my mom wants to see my texts, well here’s my dick”
like... what | that's pretty funny. esh, but i get why you did it. your mom doesn't respect your boundaries, so you went with a nuclear solution.
i feel like there may have been steps to take before one so extreme, for whatever that's worth at this stage. | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | 0.028068 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know, i know. hear me out. i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find. i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up. last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb. i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate. honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know, i know. hear me out. i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find. i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up. last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb. i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate. honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? [/INST] esh your mom doesn't understand privacy, and you're fucking out of your mind. </s> |
AITA for being angry with my wife for stealing money from our daughter? | i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members.
kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends.
this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup.
kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. | 1,616 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uco7th/aita_for_being_angry_with_my_wife_for_stealing/ | 2022-04-26 22:13:54 | info: does your wife not have access to your shared finances in order to buy herself gas, food and makeup? | nta
your wife is a thief. take your daughter to the bank to open her a bank account that your wife has no access to. also i don't like ultimatums but you might have to give her one. tell her if she doesn't get a job and pay your daughter back in a certain amount of time that you are leaving. if she's stealing from her own child who else is she stealing from to maintain her lifestyle instead of working? | food and gas sound like household necessities. why doesn't she have (your) money for that?
your wife is ta for stealing from her own kid. full stop.
what are we missing about the 2 of you? | nta, your wife is clearly ta. why are you tolerating her not contributing to the household? she needs a come to jesus about alienating her daughter and extended family by being a leech | info: why does your wife feel the need to steal from your daughter? this is, of course, wrong. but what are your wife's spending habits? has she gone over her allotted "fun money", as each of you should have that in the family budget (including the money that she brings in)?
also, if you had an issue with your wife not working, you're at least 16 years too late to bring it up. it sounds like you were happy with the situation, but she wasn't. she got odd jobs to get what she needed and wanted. that sounds determined. how about you help her with her resume and getting her some real independence?
look, she took from your child and that isn't good. but either she's a jerk stealing from your kid and needs help for that or you're withholding finances when she's your partner. not a clear situation for reddit, but you know the situation. so what's up? | i mean, you're nta for being angry, but you're a massive asshole for staying with your wife after she pissed away your child's hard-earned money. your wife is a bad mother, bad wife, and bad person. staying with her sends your daughter the message that you're okay with what your wife did. | info: does your wife not have access to bank accounts? you say you work, which i assume means you have a paycheck, but your wife steals money from your daughter for gas. | nta. good for you for standing up for your daughter, who already has a better work ethic than her mother.
also, makeup is not a "need"- your wife has impulse issues. | nta, your wife chose to quit her job and she chose to work small jobs for little money. the people calling you ta for not giving her money are missing the point of this post - the wife made a few unilateral decisions on her own and i’m pretty sure she is getting money for necessary things such as food and bills and even gas. but the op stated that she is *burning through any money she gets quickly.*
op, your daughter is now suffering due to her mothers choices. and your wife has now gone way too far, while this type of betrayal can be fixed and forgiven? it can never be *forgotten.* your wife chose greed over her own child. | info does your wife have access to the house income???
there can’t be a judgement until this is answered. | INFO | NTA | null | NTA | INFO | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | INFO | 0.098154 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members. kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends. this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup. kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members. kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends. this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup. kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. [/INST] info: does your wife not have access to your shared finances in order to buy herself gas, food and makeup? </s> |
AITA for snapping at a barista after she woke up my sleeping baby twice? | the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine.
while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink.
i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here.
aita? | 11,679 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h15hvp/aita_for_snapping_at_a_barista_after_she_woke_up/ | 2020-06-11 18:56:07 | yta.
the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it.
if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business. | yta. the barista was doing her job. it doesn’t matter if it was urgent or not -it is her job. if you don’t wanna be around noise for your baby, don’t leave your house and enter a public space where there will be noise.
you did overreact massively.
edit to add: the manager just didn’t want your drama.
edit to add: thanks for the upvotes all <3 | you're kidding with this, right? you went into a coffee shop and got upset when they were grinding coffee? this is what happens... in a coffee shop. if the things that happen in a coffee shop are too loud for your daughter, don't take her to a coffee shop. you can't expect the world to be put on hold because you arrived. your husband was right, you were being awful and the manager was just trying to keep a customer in these hard times and not risk you doing something worse like blasting them on social media.
yta | info
was that your first time in a coffee shop? | are you the arse hole for yelling at people doing their job? yeah, you are. your kid is not their responsibility. | yta
both for complaining about them doing there job and for not removing your crying baby. | yta. i get that you wanted your daughter to keep sleeping, but the barista was literally just doing her job. you went into *her* place of work and got angry that her job involved loud noises? i’m not sure what you expected from a coffee shop, where the main product needs to be ground down. | [removed] | yta. people don't have to stop doing their actual fucking job to accommodate your special treat and your screaming ass baby. | yta. for fuck sake lady the world does not revolve around you and your kid.
it is a coffee house. there is going to be loud noises and chatter.
you being annoyed about this is like being annoyed a mcdonalds play area is too loud.
wtf did you expect?
then to top it off you tattled to the manager about some perceived grievance. the barista was doing her job (which contrary to your misguided belief does not involve or center around coddling your kid).
i am glad your husband at least has the common sense here. | YTA | YTA | YTA | INFO | null | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | 0.005167 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita? [/INST] yta. the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it. if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business. </s> |
AITAH for telling my best friend I wouldn’t make the same gift I made for him for all his family members? | i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? | 13,097 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bdf4x9/aitah_for_telling_my_best_friend_i_wouldnt_make/ | 2019-04-15 12:01:50 | nah, you should also be paid for time and cost of your labor. maybe itemize it for him in the future? it seems like he thinks you’re charging most of it as an upcharge he may not realize the true cost of the item. laying it out like that would show what all goes into making it.
edited to reflect no asshole here. | nta, he was starting to take advantage of you, perhaps innocently enough, but advantage nonetheless. perhaps you could have explained to him in a better way exactly why you couldn't keep making these flags for him without charging for your time at all; but really he shouldn't have put you in that position to begin with. | nta. hopefully it’s awkward because he realizes what a douche he was being. people who don’t hand craft stuff have no idea how long it takes. | info did he know he was getting a good deal in the first place?
if so, you're nta but if not, i'd say nah because he just may not have realised how much goes in to making the flags. as someone else pointed out, he may be super embarrassed now for asking you for all this without knowing he wasn't paying full price. | nta. some advice i've seen from other artists/craftsmen for when you sell your creation at a steep discount (be it for a friend, a charity, some other reason): give them an itemized bill, tallying up what you usually charge, then add a "best friends 1-time discount" line that reduces the bill to $20. doing that can help your friend realize that you aren't suddenly jacking up your prices to stiff his extended family members, they just aren't receiving the best friend discount. you need to make it clear that the cost and value of the flag you gave him is $150, not $20. he needs to appreciate that. | nta, he was taking advantage of you. now, he might not have really thought about it that way so he might not have meant too. if he didn't realize he was being ta then maybe he is just embarrassed and feels bad. | nta
"if you are good at something, never do it for free" - i guess many people had to experience it the hard way. noone can expect you to spend hours of work for free | nta - your friend isn't seeing the handcraft and expertise that goes into your work, also the additional time and effort to make the damn thing, and you've explained quite clearly to him that it was only a reduced price because he and his mom are close to you, and it was good of you to put your foot down. hopefully its possible that its been weird since because he's been ashamed that he attempted to take advantage of you, and is reflecting on it, so maybe try talking it out | nta but it would have been best if you told him he was getting a deal from the beginning. | nah
if you keep it up, you're being taken advantage of, no matter if it's intentional or not.
which it probably isn't.
reading between the lines your friend probably didn't realise how labour intensive the flags are, and is now embarrassed for assuming otherwise.
no assholes here, hug it out. | NAH | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NAH | 0.013266 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? [/INST] nah, you should also be paid for time and cost of your labor. maybe itemize it for him in the future? it seems like he thinks you’re charging most of it as an upcharge he may not realize the true cost of the item. laying it out like that would show what all goes into making it. edited to reflect no asshole here. </s> |
WIBTA if I told my friend she had to cover her swastika tattoo to come to my wedding? | hear me out, i know this sounds fake.
my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her.
anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it.
she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it).
i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding.
wibta, or is this reasonable? | 5,784 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhrzbh/wibta_if_i_told_my_friend_she_had_to_cover_her/ | 2019-10-14 15:16:40 | nah. there are foundations that are made specifically to cover tattoos. the most inoffensive way to handle this may be to purchase some and gift it to her while saying that you want her to be comfortable at your wedding and you’d hate for someone to get the wrong idea for someone you care so much about. | oof, nah. there's a huge difference between a distracting birthmark and an incredibly well known and (as far as anyone at the wedding knows) intentionally acquired symbol of hate.
can you maybe help her find a dress that won't be too hot, but will have some chest coverage, like [this one](https://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/exofficio/2061_3103_9999_f?$dw-product$=)?presumably she doesn't want to be wandering around dealing with the reactions and/or explaining her entire backstory to everyone any more than you want to. | nta, a big medical patch to cover her skin isn't a big deal. just cover it up with that, and if anyone asks just tell them it's a injury. that way she isn't hot and uncomfortable in a sweater to hide it, but still isn't displaying it.
i would not want a giant swastika on display at my wedding, i would have more than a few jewish guests who would be extremely offended, and that person does not need to explain that long ass story every time someone confronts them, which will happen with a nazi symbol. | nta, your brothers comparison isn't valid. a birthmark can be distracting but a swastika will offend others and has a lot of meaning attached to it. can you offer to help with the cost of a cover up tattoo? | nah but personally i think it’s a touch hinky that in 3 years anna hasn’t figured out a solution that can keep a giant swastika on her chest hidden or permanently altered regardless of the weather. her willingness to display it and create situations with it because it’s hot is a *problem*. there’s no way she’d be at my wedding at all, if that’s where she is after all this time. | nah
it's reasonable to want it covered. it's a hate symbol and many of the other guests won't understand the context and just think she's a nazi. the birthmark comparison made by your brother is not relevant because a birthmark is not a hate symbol
choosing her as a bridesmaid and picking a dress to cover it would be nice, non-confrontational way of dealing with this, but equally, i think she'd understand if you asked her to cover it if you gave her the context.
there are specialist makeup products designed to cover tattoos. maybe you could do a bit of research and offer to buy some for her?
also, as for some general advice, there are some tattoo artists who will cover tattoos of hate symbols for free or at a heavily reduced price. anna should maybe ask around and see what's available in her area. | nta. her story sounds sad, but she either covers the swastika or she doesn't come. no one should have to hang around someone showing a swastika tattoo-- if you have any jewish or poc friends coming to the wedding, imagine how they will feel if they see that. some will literally fear for their lives, and avoiding that feeling overrides avoiding some "body shaming" because she has the most racist tattoo imaginable, even if she didn't want it. also, there are a good number of tattoo places that will cover gang-related tattoos for free. she should absolutely make it a priority to find one that will help her. | nta. this is different than a birthmark. if you have any guests who are jewish, lgbtq, disabled, or not white, you would be subjecting them to an advertisement for an ideology that thinks they don't deserve to exist. that's not a distraction, it's victimization. if your friend really is a good person, she will understand when you explain that to her. if she doesn't understand, that will tell you something, too. | >she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her.
this is very likely not true. |
info: has anna actually tried any solutions to this issue? people are telling you to help anna find solutions, but has anna actually done anything yet? i mean, she’s 25. she should be able to figure something out. (better) makeup, gauze, a shawl, skin-toned bandaids- none of those things are particularly expensive and all are suited for hot weather.
you’re a kind person, and not an asshole either way, but anna *might* be. i know she doesn’t have a lot of money, but little money doesn’t mean she can’t at least take initiative here. tell anna the tattoo can’t be visible and if you’re willing, offer to help pay for a coverup solution. don’t make her part of the wedding party if you don’t want to. | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | null | INFO | 0.037037 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out, i know this sounds fake. my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her. anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it. she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it). i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding. wibta, or is this reasonable? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hear me out, i know this sounds fake. my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her. anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it. she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it). i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding. wibta, or is this reasonable? [/INST] nah. there are foundations that are made specifically to cover tattoos. the most inoffensive way to handle this may be to purchase some and gift it to her while saying that you want her to be comfortable at your wedding and you’d hate for someone to get the wrong idea for someone you care so much about. </s> |
AITA for refusing to let my daughter get a surgery? | (throwaway because some of my family use reddit.)
hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after.
when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time.
however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it.
i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them.
the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge.
so, aita? | 20,349 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/one1c4/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_daughter_get_a_surgery/ | 2021-07-19 13:27:25 | yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen.
you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?!
yeah yta
you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma.
also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this. | yta. she may have inherited your medical condition. she did *not* inherit your feelings about hospitals, and in no way, shape, or form is it okay for you to insist that she suffer unnecessarily because she *might* not enjoy what the recovery process entails. | yta - why would you want your child to suffer through their entire life with a medical problem that can be easily resolved by surgery? sure, the recovery period is long- but it will alleviate her from having to deal with the problem for her entire life. i'm a parent too, and if i could get my child a surgery rather than have them suffer with a condition for their whole lives, i would definitely go with the surgery.
i understand you have some trauma with hospitals, but this isn't about you, this is about your daughter and her overall quality of life. | yta
you honestly just sound like you don't want your daughter to not have that problem. | [deleted] | yta
i had to look up what she had and if it was something that legitimately wouldn’t hurt her then my answer would be different. however, according to https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/10876/congenital-radioulnar-synostosis this can get very painful once they hit teenage years (which i’m assuming you know) and it can all be avoided with surgery. yes, recovering will also hurt but for a much shorter amount of time. it also stated that surgery is best preformed as soon as possible so that the fusion isn’t as extensive as it will be as they age. also, there is an age limit on when they can even do this surgery so she won’t be able to wait until she’s an adult to make this decision herself.
i sympathize that you have a fear of hospitals but doesn’t the pain your daughter will face for the rest of her life outweigh your fears? | yta...so instead of suffering through recovery, she should suffer for the rest of her life because of your hang-ups? you need to do what's best for your child, not yourself. | >however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
is the recovery period longer than "forever," which is how long you've been dealing with your chronic medical conditions?
let's put it this way. if i had a chronic medical condition that my parents could have treated but chose not to because they were afraid of hospitals, i'd be out the door and never talk to them again.
you're inflicting suffering on your daughter by not treating. yta. | yta. so you’d rather your daughter have a medical condition for the rest of her life, rather than have her go through a “long” recovery as a child that she most likely won’t remember so that she can be healthy long term? i mean how long is the “long” recovery in comparison with literally her entire lifespan? what might seem long now is probably just a blip in time. get her the surgery. | yta, kids bounce back from trauma and even thrive from adversity. you are deliberately holding your daughter back. what tf is wrong with you? also as her mother, you've been through the medical system and can help to alleviate her fears and concerns | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita? [/INST] yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen. you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?! yeah yta you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma. also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this. </s> |
AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"? | pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. | 46,468 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnml52/aita_for_suggesting_my_7yo_name_his_new_stuffed/ | 2019-08-08 14:32:21 | nah
inappropriate? yes.
still funny? also yes. | nah . you jokingly suggested a name, it's not your fault your son happened to like it. there will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much. just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you "just thought of an even better last name!" and i'd bet he'd go with you and change it. | nah -
he's your son but i'll tell you right now you may come to regret it.
my dad one time as a reward let us watch austin powers, the one with the fat mike myers. thinking most of the humor would go over our heads; but we really wanted to see it as we heard alot about it.
i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade and my brother in 1st or 2nd.
my brother ended up going to school and pushing his chest together and told the teacher 'muh titties are bigger than yours' ...to a pretty busty teacher. my parents had to go in and have a fairly lengthy conversation.
so all in good fun you each have valid opinions. but it definitely may have some negative ramifications. | yta. it may have gone over *his* head, but what about when he repeats it in school or around adults? | nta. i had a toy monkey my father called "benito" (like mussolini) and i grew up just fine. | nah but maybe refer to it as tig as much as you can, just to please your wife as a compromise
the same way you refer to his teddy bear as tess, and not miss tickles | nta. this is hilarious. | nah
hahahahahahaha | yta, but also i want to say nah because it's funny. :p
but seriously, your wife is right, that is inappropriate for a 7-year-old. he's not going to know what it means, and he's going to talk to his friends about tig bitties, and some uppity soccer mom is going clutch her pearls, and it's going to be a big mess of stupid.
and then later in his life it's going to click and he's going to be like "wtf dad? why'd you have me running around talking about tig bitties when i was 7 years old?"
i don't think it's a big deal, and obviously it's too late. this is a facepalm-and-move-on kind of thing. but your wife's response is totally valid. | nah
while your joke is very funny at least for you and me lol, something could go wrong with this name, not a mayor problem or a situation i could imagine will affect your child in a important way.
some people point out that his friends will laugh at him but, if he couldnt understand the double meaning i dont think his friends will.
also tig bitties could sound like a cute way to say tiger bites or something random a kid would put as a name to his toy lol. | NAH | NAH | NAH | YTA | NTA | NAH | NTA | NAH | YTA | NAH | 0.332334 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. [/INST] nah inappropriate? yes. still funny? also yes. </s> |
AITA for laughing at my coworker's breast size? | i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately.
now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise?
___________________________
ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact.
ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. | 2,508 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4nt4e/aita_for_laughing_at_my_coworkers_breast_size/ | 2019-06-24 13:25:59 | esh. are you sure this didn't take place at your elementary school? because y'all sound like little kids. | nta, everyone on reddit is so high and mighty. if we're making appearance jokes then let's make appearance jokes. if you can't take appearance jokes, don't make appearance jokes. really that simple. yes it's "childish" and i'm not a child but i'm also not a parent. not my job to teach grown ups to keep their comments to themselves through lectures and "teachable moments". if she has made it all the way to adulthood without knowing unsolicited comments on people's bodies isn't ok then she gets to deal with whatever consequence that brings about, including unsolicited comments about her own body. i welcome your downvotes, holy church of reddit. | esh
name-calling and body-shaming are never okay. i'm surprised that you and these people have jobs given how childish you all seem. | esh. she shouldn't have made fun of you, and you shouldn't have made fun of her back. apologise if you care about getting on - if not, don't bother. | yta, because this may be sexual harassment. yes, she sucks for starting it and being an ah too, but you mentioned her breasts which may bring hr into the picture.
as someone mentioned, she most likely didn't know you had an insecurity about your head size. you immediately snapped back with a body shame, indicating you have checked out her breasts before. this may land you in some hot water. i wish you had called her "man hands" or "clown feet" or something. that would have been more tit for tat (no pun intended) | nta
dont dish it if you cant take it. | yta.
dude. commenting on her breasts can be taken as sexual harrassment. you should hope that nobody overheard who would be willing to report it. | esh. her for the insult about your head and you for retaliating with a insult about her breasts. | nta.
she was definitely in the wrong for starting in on you. and i think you turning it around on her just gave her a lesson in what it's like to have someone mock your appearance and she didn't like it one bit.
&#x200b;
i suggest talking to her. don't apologize, just be matter of fact. "so you didn't like the comment i made about you. well, now you know how i felt when you were mocking me. kind of hurtful, isn't it?" | info-did she do it maliciously? | ESH | NTA | ESH | ESH | YTA | NTA | YTA | ESH | NTA | INFO | 0.622173 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately. now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise? ___________________________ ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact. ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately. now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise? ___________________________ ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact. ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. [/INST] esh. are you sure this didn't take place at your elementary school? because y'all sound like little kids. </s> |
AITA for telling my sister to stop coming to me to complain about what my husband says to her? | my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway.
last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him.
it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me.
neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? | 8,725 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x5vsse/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_coming_to_me/ | 2022-09-04 19:43:37 | yta
tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues.
what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him. | yta. both you and your husband. a match made in heaven. | yta.
fertility issues are incredibly personal and your husband has absolutely *no place* "dishing it out" as you call it over something so personal and sensitive. and yes, she is sensitive. it's a sensitive topic and you should be absolutely ashamed of your husband's abhorrent behavior. he is being a cruel, vindictive bully who needs to learn that every little thought that passes through his bully brain doesn't need to come out of his mouth. furthermore, him specifically targeting your sister says he actually *wants* to be cruel and hurtful to her. and you enable him!
"oh don't come to me about his behavior." why *shouldn't* she? you married the oaf. he's your responsibility!
or... are you just happy that when your sister is around, he's not being a cruel, vindictive bully to *you*? | [removed] | [removed] | yta you did bring him into the family. it has been your job to shut him down and remove him from family events when he offers his insulting comments right from the minute you started dating him. you are enabling him. if you cannot get him to shut up, then you need to leave you ah husband at home. you are both insufferable and i've no idea why your family hasn't cut you both out years ago. | yta, and so is your insensitive, cruel husband.
yes, you absolutely should be telling your husband to knock that crap off. wtf is wrong with the two of you?!? your husband should apologize to your sister immediately, and cut that crap out immediately & permanently.
did your sister *ask* for your husband's advice or input? no. he wasn't "giving his honest opinion", because he wasn't asked for his opinion. he was tormenting your sister, and has been for quite some time. you need to stop enabling him by giving him a pass & defending his horrible behavior, and he needs to either stfu, or stay away from other people, if he can't speak to people like a normal human being. | yta and so is your husband. altho who doesn’t love the tired trope of “just being honest” to excuse being cruel for no reason. | yta
what's going on that your husband is so interested in your sister's fertility? this is gross. just gross. ew.
your sister can say she's looking at ivf, and then your husband can say nothing. | yta and so is your husband. he is not giving his honest opinion, he is being a bully. and you are defending and enabling him. | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? [/INST] yta tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues. what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him. </s> |
AITA for telling my mother that my step dad will not be walking me down the aisle because I hate him, and in turn ripping my family apart? |
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle.
my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting.
so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off.
he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? | 24,806 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekwwcq/aita_for_telling_my_mother_that_my_step_dad_will/ | 2020-01-06 17:06:00 | nta.
your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there.
it's your day.
you're making memories for your family.
he's not part of that.
the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him. | nta. it's your wedding.
>if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'
is the guest list not up to you...? | nta. i’m sorry. your mom has been going to a lot of trouble to convince herself everything has been fine. you don’t owe her that illusion. it’s lovely that you have a good relationship with your uncle. i hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
(i’d recommend not jumping to “i’ve torn my family apart,” though, ok? you’ve just stopped drinking the kool aid. you’re not responsible for their reactions. don’t let them bully you into pretending and don’t take on more of this than what’s fair.) | nta. wow.
>he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me.
way to demonstrate how his relationship with you has been *funny banter* instead of *emotionally abusive* | nta
the step-dunce abused you. you have every right to choose who walks you down the aisle. they're trying to get you to feel guilty about it. don't fall into that trap. | nta
it’s your wedding and you get to choose. your stepfather is out of line for contacting your uncle about this.
you owe no one an explanation or justification. your decision is made and it’s not open for debate. next time your mother brings it up, shut it down; “my decision is made and i don’t want to discuss it.” if she persists, tell her that you’ll talk to her later and politely end the conversation.
boundaries only exist if they’re enforced. i’m sorry this is happening to you. | > she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us.
i am the father of two wonderful, grown-up kids. if the best that can be said of a father is "he would never hurt us" that's just a shame. you are nta. i hope your wedding is the beginning of a wonderful life. | nta. though i do think it's time for you to have a long, honest talk with your mother about his past actions and how deeply they affected you, if things calm down enough.
you don't have to include anyone in your wedding that you don't want to. your wedding is for you and your partner - you both deserve to have the wedding you wish.
glad to hear that your uncle is standing by you on this. | nta - your mom was in denial. she shouldn't have married a man who gets along so poorly with her daughter. | [deleted] | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? [/INST] nta. your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there. it's your day. you're making memories for your family. he's not part of that. the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him. </s> |
AITA for not letting my daughter date a boy from the same neighborhood that I’m from? | i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up.
i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison.
i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison.
she spends more time with me than her mother.
she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him.
she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from.
i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore.
when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore.
she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him.
she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that.
aita? | 2,229 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n84159/aita_for_not_letting_my_daughter_date_a_boy_from/ | 2021-05-09 02:06:08 | nah but forbidding her isn't going to do anything. you need to talk to her. tell her what you did while you were in the gang. tell her what you did that got you sent to prison. tell her about prison. be honest. you want her to have a better life, she needs to know what the life she's choosing looks like. talk to her mom. have her ask her mom what it felt like to raise a baby alone because the father was in prison. | nta you’re not a hypocrite.. you’re speaking from experience as you want your daughter to have different life experiences to you and her mother did.
however you telling her not to date him isn’t going to stop her and if anything will push them closer - the heart always wants what it can’t have. the best you can do is warn her and tell her why you don’t agree with it. | nah
no one is being an asshole. you are speaking from experience about the lifestyle implied by those tattoos. she isn't the asshole for thinking you sound hypocritical. you do, you were in the same situation as this guy but turned out okay in her eyes. she just doesn't understand the progression it took.
i think you are probably better off letting her date the dude but take an active role in the relationship and see if you can guide him away from the lifestyle. i mean, it is dependent on the actual lifestyle you are implying. i am from baltimore and if an older guy took me under his wing and taught me about how my younger lifestyle fucked him over, i might have turned out better. | nah. it’s impossible not to feel protective of our kids when we see the possibility for them to have the same troubles we experienced ourselves. but our kids are their own people and we can’t control their actions. we can work to teach and guide them, though. as the adult here, you can tell her who she can’t and can’t bring into the house. at the same time, she has the agency to not listen to you. this is a bigger issue than forbidding her to date certain people. it’s part of a conversation with her on the life you used to lead, how you have changed, why this isn’t what you want for her, what she wants for herself, and how she intends to achieve that. i think you’re fine to start with talking about the meaning of this guy’s tattoos, but that it’s the first conversation of many, and that she will ultimately make her own choices, and hopefully you can help her make good ones. you’re a good dad! | i can't say you're the asshole because i get where you're coming from, but flat out refusing to let her see him is only going to make her moe determined to do so. | nta
i don't know much about that life. but it sounds like your title is misleading; it's not because of where he's from but what he does - specifically his choice to be in the gang. you're nta for not wanting your daughter to be away from that life, which it sounds like you know well.
however, consider how forbidding a 15 year old daughter from dating someone might backfire. it could end up making things worse and push her away.
a better choice might be to sit down and really try and understand her feelings - and get her to understand yours. share with her exactly what it is you're afraid of. and try to empower her to make healthy decisions in her relationships. | nta you're only trying to protect her and there is a huge difference between leaving a life of crime behind you and currently living that life. you can't know if this young man will expose your daughter to danger and as a parent your number one job is to protect your child. you may have to make it really clear you can't trust someone with those tats who hasn't left the life like you did. | nta - impart your life lessons on her !! ask her mother to have a talk about how life was raising a baby while her boyfriend is in jail and how that all worked out.
maaate... she has to break the cycle! onward and upward for you all
ps i wasn’t with my high school boyfriend for very long so hopefully it won’t last | yta but only a little. the only reason you're a little bit is because you didn't talk to him about his tatts and find out how fresh and how committed he is too possible change, offering him the opportunity to get out in order to date your daughter. other than that, not the asshole. | soft yta, with opportunity to do better.
she argued with you because you tried to take away her agency. that’s going to result in her continuing to see this guy anyway. and getting more controlling will only become abusive.
you didn’t teach her anything. a lot of other people have explained the kinds of productive conversations you can have. i imagine you have learned a lot, and that extends to knowing about these gangs. the key is to communicate that in a way that treats your daughter like a person.
though, i expect she may retort with “he doesn’t do that anymore” or “he’s not like that.” i can both see how that’s optimistic, but you also don’t know about him for yourself either. that might be a hangup. | NAH | NTA | NAH | NAH | YTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | 0.474805 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up. i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison. i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison. she spends more time with me than her mother. she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him. she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from. i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore. when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore. she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him. she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up. i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison. i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison. she spends more time with me than her mother. she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him. she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from. i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore. when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore. she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him. she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that. aita? [/INST] nah but forbidding her isn't going to do anything. you need to talk to her. tell her what you did while you were in the gang. tell her what you did that got you sent to prison. tell her about prison. be honest. you want her to have a better life, she needs to know what the life she's choosing looks like. talk to her mom. have her ask her mom what it felt like to raise a baby alone because the father was in prison. </s> |
AITA for pretending to be an "Appletarian" (eating only apple derived foods/drinks) for 3 weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me? | i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.
i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.
apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.
finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry.
but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.
they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.
i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke".
in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.
but, did i go too far?
| 31,857 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b22cxm/aita_for_pretending_to_be_an_appletarian_eating/ | 2019-03-17 06:25:12 | nah.
i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank. | nta absolute legend. that level of commitment is on par with the method acting of daniel day lewis. thanks for the late night laugh. | nah, but the date thing is really pushing it | yta. probably.
seems like you must have gone too far, since people got genuinely worried for you, and your gf broke up with you.
personally, i admire your commitment to the joke.
then again, i once made a friend cry because she never knew when to worry and when not to because another friend and i would always make stuff up. turns out it is probably better to be kind to others and consider their feelings than to feel awesome about the pranking. | yta. look, i get a good joke. i get a long running prank. but no matter how good you think the prank is, ignoring how everyone else feels with the assumption that they'll come around is a terrible idea.
you did this joke for weeks. that means you had weeks to recognise them getting worried. to recognise them getting annoyed with you. to recognise how you were hurting your girlfriend. ffs, they staged an intervention for you! do you have any idea how serious that is? they were genuinely worried for you; worried enough that they risked you getting angry with them, you storming out, permanent damage to their relationships with you... and your reaction to their genuine concern and love was to "laugh hysterically".
again. your reaction to their show of love and concern was to laugh hysterically. you may have had good intentions, but somewhere along the way, you lost the thread and went too far. apologize. | nta. your gf is an asshole for breaking up with you after embarrassing her once. i’m sure that if you asked people i have dated they would say i embarrassed them on a weekly basis in one way or another | i'm going to say that yta because you drew it out so long. if it took your friends literally having to set up an intervention, than there's an issue (although, props to your friends for being so concerned about your wellbeing). | yta you knew they were getting worried but kept it going. a joke should be fun for everyone. pushing it til they did an intervention was definitely wrong. and tbh, i'm thinking this is likely a troll post, cause seriously how can you not see that causing worry (which means you caused them stress too) isn't a joke. | yta. your prank was to convince people who care deeply about you that you are mentally ill, because let's be honest, only someone going through an eating disorder or a psychotic break would eat only apples for three weeks straight. you may as well have pretended to be an alcoholic, or pretended to be having chronic daily migraines. perhaps some of the people you fooled have (or had) eating disorders themselves, or watched another loved one go through one.
try putting yourself in their shoes: imagine that someone you loved started displaying bizarre, unhealthy beliefs and behaviours, out of the blue, for three solid weeks, despite how much it worried or angered the people around them. and when you finally muster the courage to confront your loved one to try and get them help, they laugh at you for trusting them and caring for them. would that leave a sour taste in your mouth? | yta. look man i get a good joke, but keeping something going for weeks when it's clearly upsetting people, and ruining a date night all for a stupid joke? that's messed up. they were worried about you, they thought you were hurting yourself, and you were fucking with them. you took it to far, you need to apologize. | NAH | NTA | NAH | YTA | YTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.427172 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far? [/INST] nah. i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank. </s> |
AITA for yelling at my dad(51M) and calling him a monster for what he gave my sister(30F) as a Christmas ''gift''? | my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992.
amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship.
enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4.
my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that.
a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight.
in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad.
my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her.
so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it.
it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number.
dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''.
amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that.
my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing.
my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas.
aita here? | 23,594 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kn9wvu/aita_for_yelling_at_my_dad51m_and_calling_him_a/ | 2020-12-30 20:19:50 | nta
it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole:
1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her
2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her
3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it
4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. | omg. women are not baby-making machines. whatever their views on abortion, your father had no right to rub her decision in her face. he clearly has no respect for women, something that your brothers seem to have inherited. good on you for standing up for your sister. you're nta. you're a wonderful sister and a bad ass. | nta - daaamn what your dad did is messed up. i get that abortion might be a sore topic for some people but c'mon, that was just a plain and simple dick move to do. he deliberately preyed amy's fears and insecurities and is subjecting her to mental abuse. | so if i’m reading this correctly, your dad gave amy the info not because of her curiosity about her mom, but to twist the knife of her getting an abortion by basically saying she’s as “heartless” as her own mother?
if so, that’s pretty low. your dad and his whole family seem to have an unhealthy fixation on women producing babies - or maybe against abortion? why was it so important to them that amy’s mom go through with the pregnancy? why not just wait until your dad was married?
anyway, your dad is a controlling, heartless creep... mom also sucks for staying silent, and brothers for laughing. you and amy of course are nta - i hope she’s able to heal from this and maybe get something positive out of connecting with her bio-mom. i hope your dad stubs his toe every time he enters or leaves a room for the rest of his life. | omg, i'm so mad on you and amy's behalf.
>my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas
you didnt!!! your dad made a scene and ruined christmas!!!
nta in the slightest, wtf. | nta.
your dad and mark are the assholes here.
mark should never tell your dad about her pregnancy and used his history with amy's mom to try to convince her to keep the baby.
your dad because he is acting out, but honestly, while he is totally being an ass i see a little bit of his side too, he gave a lot for amy's mom to keep amy, and 30 years later when amy is presented with a ''similar'' scenario she did exactly what her bio-mom wanted in the first place, while he was wrong to push her to keep the pregnancy he probably sympathizes with mark (he was in the same spot as him 30 years ago).
but to give her that much information on her lap as a punishment is too far, one of the worst things you can do to someone who had a parent who was abusive or was not present in her life is comparing someone to that parent, by saying ''that amy's bio-mom and she are so similar'' is just saying ''you are just like your mother'', he did that to hurt her he was indeed a monster, amy must be a mess hearing that from her own dad.
poor amy. | jesus nta
spend nye with your sister and seriously don’t even try to reach out to your parents. your mom needs apologize for not standing up for your sister, your brothers need to get their heads out of their ass and your dad... i mean your dad needs to have his head looked at. i straight wouldn’t be in the same room as him until he apologized to your sister. | nta. you’re so, so, so nta. your dad and sister’s ex-fiancé are being emotionally abusive and cruel to your sister. | nta. literally everyone is an asshole besides you and your sister. your dad clearly has some resentment towards your sister and her bio-mother and it’s very very toxic. it’s her body and her choice.
your dad giving her the contact info was not a gift. it was done in spite. please continue to support your sister. i can only imagine how hard this is for her. | nta
#change her phone number! | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? [/INST] nta it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole: 1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her 2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her 3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it 4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. </s> |
AITA for calling out my sister for breastfeeding at my wedding? | my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding.
she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool.
during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this.
i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it.
the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? | 21,040 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vs7hcm/aita_for_calling_out_my_sister_for_breastfeeding/ | 2022-07-05 20:33:42 | yta. your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month old. | yta.
god, what *is* it with all the guys who marry women much younger than them? they all seem to be immature and controlling in the same way!
'everyone thinks you're the ah because you're the only person who had a problem with it.' -- and they're right. | info: did you ask all the other guests at the wedding not to eat as well? | the only tacky person with bad etiquette is you. yta
&#x200b;
side note: you are 34 and your wife is 23? | yes, yta, i would figure that having your parents and wife tell you would have been enough, but some people need more evidence. since you personally do not have breasts, you have no clue how painful or difficult pumping might be, so you're a jerk for suggesting it.
then there's the fact that you never yold her that it bothers you, but expected her to just magically understand that you had a problem with it. | oh hell yeah, yta! babies that young need to eat constantly, bc they have tiny stomachs that fill and empty quickly. this is why your sister is always feeding the baby - bc the baby always needs to eat!
also, a baby this young, who has been exclusively fed by one method (breast) cannot easily switch to another method (bottle).
also, as your sister told you, for some folks, pumping hurts like a mofo. i personally was never able to produce much extra - just as much as my son needed. so that's a lot of pain for nothing.
you need to shut your mouth and open your mind, bc you have a lot to learn before you have children. give yourself a good decade. fortunately it sounds like your wife and parents have their heads screwed on straight. | oh, bless your heart. you're really not mature enough to be dating a woman much less getting married to one. she's breastfeeding the baby because the baby is hungry. and as far as pumping, do you think she's just hauling one around in case some man can't stand breasts unless they're sexualized?
&#x200b;
everyone thinks yta because you really are. | yta.
she’s not going to starve her baby just because you can’t fathom that breasts have another purpose other than being for your entertainment.
i would imagine that your guests weren’t phased. how many of them have breastfed or had partners that did (or tried)?
if you and your wife do have kids, she may choose to breastfeed. are you going to shame her if she needs to feed your offspring in public?
grow up, op. | “she feeds her baby wherever she goes. we visit her house? she’ll feed the baby in front of us. visiting parents? she’ll feed the baby. going out in a public setting? she’ll sit on a bench and feed her baby. go out to a restaurant? she feeds the baby.”
this is how ridiculous you sound. she’s just feeding her baby.
yta | yta feeding a child is not poor etiquette. there's something wrong with you if you feel a woman breastfeeding is an affront to you. grow up before you have a child. | YTA | YTA | INFO | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding. she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool. during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this. i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it. the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding. she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool. during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this. i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it. the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? [/INST] yta. your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month old. </s> |
AITA for exposing my aunt and her lies about my mom? | i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? | 1,016 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnxnqv/aita_for_exposing_my_aunt_and_her_lies_about_my/ | 2021-09-14 06:52:07 | info
how certain are you that the younger sister is the one lying and not the one who contacted you? | nta but your family members are acting like assholes. try to talk it out as a family and see why they feels it’s ok to lie, and why it’s not ok to stand up for yourself when someone is lying about another family member. if they can’t be civil then the family relationship may be toxic. | nta. family's a madhouse tho 😂 | nta
you were exposing lies. however, i would take a step back now and not get too overly involved. | nta
you just experienced what it's like to have a pathological liar in the family. i have a sister like your aunt and go from little to no contact with her and most of the others in my family just brush her lies off saying that's just how she is so i get why they would be mad for exposing her. it isn't right but it is what it is, they can take her bs if they want to but you did the right thing by exposing her crap. | nta. wow what a messy sibling relationship. | null | null | null | null | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | null | null | null | 0.010352 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? [/INST] info how certain are you that the younger sister is the one lying and not the one who contacted you? </s> |
End of preview. Expand
in Data Studio
README.md exists but content is empty.
- Downloads last month
- 20
Size of downloaded dataset files:
11.9 MB
Size of the auto-converted Parquet files:
11.9 MB
Number of rows:
2,000