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WIBTA for keeping a found cat that has a questionable owner? | a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived.
i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart.
the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd.
now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner.
i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago.
tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? | 553 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j98c2f/wibta_for_keeping_a_found_cat_that_has_a/ | 2020-10-11 16:22:13 | info: have you considered asking the owner if you can keep her? perhaps if you told them the state you found her in, they might reconsider owning one. | info : did you tell the humane society the state you found it in?
i'd like to tell you to not return the cat, but now that the owner knows you have it, and they have your identity, you could get in trouble for not doing so... | [deleted] | it doesn't take long for a cat living on the streets to look bad especially if they have mostly been an indoor cat. my mother's cat got lost for about 5 days after she snuck outside, she didn't know how to be an outdoor cat and looked an absolute state when found.
my point is the cat probably got into the state you found it in after it ran outside and got lost. ywbta if you don't return it to its owner. | ywbta
but thank god it all worked out well in the end!!!
you and your cat will have plenty of great moments together.
short explanation on my judgement: we also have a free roaming cat who can appear really hungry (cries a lot for food) and a bit neglected (has some scars).
but the thing is: she permanently (!) has a full bowl of food, and gets a lot of variety. but she really likes eating when people eat at a table. so when we or our neighbours sit down to eat, she's always there looking and often begging.
we got het at an animal shelter and she's always been like that. she's also always had some scars (ear, face) that probably happend when she fought another cat. she also has a lot of color "patches", which make her appear more wild than she is.
some of our neighbours think our cat is neglected. we know because they told us about it before they knew it was our cat. she sleeps 1 night out of 2 at home, and eats a lot. she likes to roam in our neighbourhood and we don't stop her.
our neighbours think a cat should be kept inside. but i disagree; she would be a bit cleaner but also really miserable inside. | null | null | null | null | null | INFO | INFO | null | YTA | YTA | null | null | null | null | null | 0.125 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived. i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart. the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd. now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner. i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago. tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a couple weeks ago i found a cat wandering in the street. she was dirty, skinny, and scared, but very sweet. i took her to the vet, they scanned her for a microchip and found one, but the microchip company had outdated information on her owner. she has some scars on her face and eats like she's never been fed in her life, so i feel like she's been on the streets for a while. according to the limited information i got from the vet, the place i picked her up was several blocks from where her owner lived. i posted her on the local facebook lost and found pets groups, and in my local subreddit, but got no results. i checked our metro animal shelter website to see if she was listed as missing; she wasn't. i wondered if maybe it was a little old lady who isn't on social media who might be missing her terribly, and that broke my heart. the vet told me that the local humane society was who had her chipped and adopted her out. i contacted them and they found the owner, who just left me a voicemail. it said, "this is the owner of [cat], who just looooves being outside and *apparently* she got lost." the owner didn't sound particularly grateful or relieved, which i find odd. now i'm having a moral dilemma. this cat is absolutely precious, and i *really* don't like the idea of her going back to a home where they let her roam around on the streets with outdated microchip information and no collar. she could have easily been hit by a car or hurt by another animal, and i fear that's what will happen to her if i give her back. in my opinion, anyone who lets a pet wander outside in a busy metro area doesn't deserve to have a pet. i would happily love her and care for her indoors for the rest of her life. i can't say that about her owner. i have not yet returned the owner's call as i just got her voicemail minutes ago. tl;dr: would i be the asshole for not returning a cat that i found as a dirty, skinny stray to an owner who doesn't seem to care that she was missing and unsafe? [/INST] info: have you considered asking the owner if you can keep her? perhaps if you told them the state you found her in, they might reconsider owning one. </s> |
AITA for freaking out when told I've "sheltered" my son? | my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit.
my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him.
his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much.
i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? | 2,638 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ljykww/aita_for_freaking_out_when_told_ive_sheltered_my/ | 2021-02-14 22:05:59 | nah. you raised him as best you could.
that said, i was the kid trapped in the house. i don't have that allergy, but i did spend a lot of time bedridden/in hospitals.
my social skills are shit. i get anxiety when talking to offline human beings, because i never properly learned how to talk to human beings.
with zoom and all the other resources, you can expand his world. he doesn't have to be the kid in the bubble, like i was. you should be expanding his world. and stop being afraid of screen time. sometimes, computers are literally the only way i can interact with people outside my home. they are my community. | esh i think, except your son. you're in a very unique situation. but you have to socialize this kid. therapy, too. evening time activities. small part-time job. there's a grocery store chain in my area that hires kids at 14 and they work 10 hours a week or so and employers can make accomodations. d&d groups, gymnastics (in a gym), something. yes, his sun allergy severely limits what he can do but your kid needs to socialize somehow. | yta. in a way, your ex is slightly right in some of the aspects he accused you of. i don't think your a bad mum, i think you are trying your best, but i also think you can't apply the same standards and norms to your son. i say this specifically in terms of your approach to screen time. your son is by necessity, cut off from the world, and his social skills are as a result suffering. you have this amazing tool available to you and him that can expand his horizon, allow him to connect with others his age, and prevent him from being isolated. by applying the standards other parents apply for their kids (restricting screen time) to your son, you have further crippled him. other kids get contact with their peers in their day to day life. being addicted to screen time is therefore detrimental to them. your son doesn't get that opportunity, and it is therefore important and necessary to find alternative ways of getting those essential experiences. the internet would help him connect with his peers, and help build those skills he so sorely lacks. | [deleted] | esh. it’s rude of your ex to just waltz back into his life and critique the way you raised him. he lost the right to make parenting decisions when he left.
however, there’s no reason he can’t have friends even just online friends. especially now with everyone doing all socialising from the comfort of their own home it’s a perfect time to increase his socialisation a bit. i know your case is quite unique, but school serves to learn how to interact with your peers as well as an academic education, and you need to replicate that as best as you can, through online socialising, evening events, perhaps a night shift at a fast food place if he’s old enough where you are. i’m just not sure that spending a bit too much time talking to friends online would be the worst thing in his situation. | you have the money to stay home and home school your kid but not to move to a place where he can have a life? your kid was born with this issue, so you’ve had 15 years to figure this out and you still “can’t afford to move” when this would be a one off expense? you limit your kid’s interaction with others online if he can’t see them in person. seems like you wanted to raise your son as a strange reclusive mummy’s boy and saw his condition as an excuse/reason to smother him and deny him independence and a normal life. | yta. your son needs a social life and connections beyond his mother. | yta.
i have a close friend who is allergic to the sun and he isn't sheltered at all. he has a great social life, went to school and uni, is part of social clubs, has had lots of different part-time jobs and is very well-adjusted. he even comes on camping trips with us every summer (wears gloves and long-sleeves).
i think you're being overprotective and crippling him on top of his condition. there's no reason he can't have a job in an indoor or evening place (mall, fast food, factory). high school is also perfectly fine, classes by that age are indoors and he can just sit not-near-a-window.
he's already 15, he absolutely needs to develop some social skills while he still can. it will be very hard for him to learn these skills once he reaches adulthood. i know you think he's perfect just the way he is, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't listen to modern music or watch current movies, but these issues run so much deeper than that stuff. a life without friends your own age or positive social interactions can lead to really bad mental health issues. | info: did you ever organise or look into social things that take place at night? i had plenty of after school things as a kid that meant i could play with kids outside of school and usually when it was dark. these happened at local libraries and community centres and a few other places.
it does sound sound like you have wrapped him in just a bit too much bubble wrap, with the internet there are so many places online for people to socialise. it's seems that it's not only your son who is sensitive, you freaking out about one small argument and seemingly spiralling about potentially ruining a relationship because of that one argument? not exactly a normal reaction, do you have friends and a social life outside of your son? | esh/nah except for the son. i was going to say y.t.a because i have friends with the same allergy who were able to be present in a conventional school environment, but i don't know the extent or severity of his allergy, so i don't want to pass judgement on that choice. we also don't know all the details about his situation in general.
still, the dad has no right to critique your parenting when he's done little to none of his own, and you might need to own up to the reality that you seem to be sheltering him in other ways.
home-schooled children need a ton of extra socialization-- youth groups, jobs, clubs, long visits to public libraries, etc. if his allergy is so severe that he can't do those things, then you shouldn't be limiting his screen time as much and he needs to find healthy communities online to engage with. it seems like you are self aware and doing your best, but children who are home-schooled are at risk of developing social anxiety and other quirks even if they don't have an allergy/covid quarantine keeping them isolated, so the responsibility is yours to make sure he gets as much interaction as possible. | NAH | ESH | YTA | null | ESH | null | YTA | YTA | INFO | ESH | 0.125 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit. my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him. his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much. i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son (15) has a severe allergy to the sun. we live in a very hot and sunny place. i don't have the money to move, before anybody suggests. his allergy makes it hard for him to do regular kid things. he's had to be home-schooled and, as a result, does not have many friends. his young cousins will visit and spend time with him, and so will his grandparents, but obviously his relationships with them are very different from if he had other 15 year-old-friends. he used to spend time with some of the kids on the street, but as they got older, they stopped wanting to visit. my son, expectedly, doesn't really act like a typical 15 year-old boy. he's very quiet and sensitive and is pretty behind on movies, games, t.v. shows, etc. we have a house computer, but he doesn't spend a lot of time on it because 1) he shares with me, and 2) he has limited screen time because it's very easy, as a kid in his circumstances, to spend all day online and not do anything else. we do spend a lot of time watching movies and playing board games together, and he is of course allowed to read and game, even if the tech is a bit out-of-date. anyway, he actually loves his life! that's why i'm not asking if there's anything wrong with the way i've raised him. his dad couldn't handle being a father, especially not under our son's circumstances. i don't hold that against him. we've kept in contact over the years, although he made a point not to want to see our son and confuse him. my ex asked if we could try catching up recently (with son), and so we've been skyping as often as we can. today he called privately and said our son acts a bit strange and socially awkward for a teenage boy, and questioned if i sheltered him too much. i guess i'm a bit more sensitive about this than i thought i was, because i said he's perfectly normal, and he said there's nothing wrong with it, he just acts a bit weird. i said that he hasn't been in his shoes and he can't judge him for his behaviour. he said he wasn't judging him, he was more concerned about my parenting. i said he should be concerned about his own and hung up. now i'm afraid i'm becoming a dictator, freaking out on people when they criticize my parenting. i always hated people who can't take criticism or realize their faults. i'm afraid i'm becoming a bad person and a bad mother. i really care about what my ex thinks and i was happy to start having a relationship again, and not it's like i've ruined it. aita? [/INST] nah. you raised him as best you could. that said, i was the kid trapped in the house. i don't have that allergy, but i did spend a lot of time bedridden/in hospitals. my social skills are shit. i get anxiety when talking to offline human beings, because i never properly learned how to talk to human beings. with zoom and all the other resources, you can expand his world. he doesn't have to be the kid in the bubble, like i was. you should be expanding his world. and stop being afraid of screen time. sometimes, computers are literally the only way i can interact with people outside my home. they are my community. </s> |
AITA for making an autistic man realize one of his friends is a rapist? | i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible.
i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic.
we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now.
a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant.
apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since.
i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. | 7,339 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqi836/aita_for_making_an_autistic_man_realize_one_of/ | 2019-02-14 10:01:17 | nah
he deserved the truth. asshole lied to him and manipulated him. all you've done is disabused him of that. john can't go around repeating those lies, hurting sarah again and making john even more unpopular. | nah - besides asshole, that is. and you didn’t “hurt” john for nothing; you taught him a valuable life lesson about trusting everything people say.
| nah, except you know...asshole. | [deleted] | nah.
this wasn’t all for nothing. you stood by and supported your friend who was a victim of rape. i think that’s very commendable and you aren’t the asshole for not allowing an abuser to manipulate others.
i’d say give john some space as i’m sure he’s just taking some time to process everything. it always hurts to find out someone isn’t who you thought they were, and for john this might be the first time he’s experiencing this. i’m sure he’ll be glad he knows the truth when this all blows over. | nta. he needed to know - otherwise he's left thinking guys get locked up for bad breakups | nah - john may have been happier, now, but what would have happened upon asshole's release if john didn't know the truth? | nah you have protentially saved john from repeating assholes lies to the wrong person and getting hit or beaten up. you did the right thing. | nta. you did good, though john is hurting now. you might want to have a convo with john and help him understand that sarah’s friendship is gone and why. or he may be arriving late to the conclusion that she’s done with him. that he harmed sarah with his words.
i have autism. the times i’ve believed and believed in the wrong person has boiled in my brain for years sometimes. i have an extreme, over-the-top (and i mean that in the wwi sense of the word) reaction to being lied to. this is for a couple reasons. 1) it doesn’t occur to me to lie. i think in literal terms. it’s hard enough to understand social nuance without factoring in deceit. liars need to have a long memory to keep who hear what straight. very tiring and discordant.
2)i was easily gulled and taken advantage of well into my 30s. now i’m not. but the memory of how trusting i was makes me cringe still. nowadays i’ve gotten scary accurate at picking out falsehoods based on body language, remembering everyone’s stories and (i know it sounds crazy) small changes in scent. i guess lying makes stress inside that makes a sour smell?
3) being lied to makes me feel so so *stupid*. i hate that feeling. hate. it transforms me back into a confused special-needs 6 year old showing her panties to the neighborhood boy because he said he wants to make sure i’m wearing the right day(they were printed with the days of the week), so i don’t make a mistake.
4) if someone lies to me, it’s as if they’ve said to my face that they think i’m stupid. so dumb that i can’t figure out that they are lying.
5) i fell for it again. i’m never going to get it right.
john might be experiencing some of this.
but you did right. he can learn. he needs to learn there’s not only three sides to every story, but way more than that.
you’re a good friend. i’m sorry for john. sorry for sarah. i’m glad the real asshole is in jail. | nah except for, of course, the rapist.
imo you did john a favor. if one of my friends was a rapist i'd want to know.
but nevermind whether you did john a favor, you did society a favor. rapists shouldn't get to lie to people about what they did, even if those people are happy to be lied to. | NAH | NAH | NAH | null | NAH | NTA | NAH | NAH | NTA | NAH | 0.031437 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible. i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic. we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now. a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant. apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since. i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try to explain this as clearly as possible. i have an adult friend with autism. we will call him "john" he lives on his own, has a job, and you wouldn't know anything is amiss until he opens his mouth and shows his complete and utter lack of understanding of social norms. you can imagine this doesn't make him very popular. he's a good man, just definitely autistic. we have a mutual friend. we'll call her "sarah". sarah was dating john's friend (we'll call him "asshole") when he raped her. i'll skip the details but this has had a major impact on sarah's life, as well as her entire family. this was several years ago. asshole is in jail now. a few weeks ago i was talking to sarah and said something about john. she became very angry because a few weeks ago he implied that she wasn't actually raped. i'm sure whatever he said came across that way (like i said he's not a good talker), but i didn't think he meant it like that. well last week i asked john about it and yup that's exactly what he meant. apparently, asshole told john that sarah was making it up because he wanted to dump her, or some nonsense like that. from the sound of it john still had contact with asshole. we talked about this for at least an hour and he finally realized that asshole was lying to him. he didn't take it well and we haven't spoke much since. i don't know what i accomplished. sarah (understandably) isn't interested in being friends with john anymore. and asshole is in jail so it's not like anything changed there. i feel like i hurt john for no reason, and he would have been happier to be ignorant. [/INST] nah he deserved the truth. asshole lied to him and manipulated him. all you've done is disabused him of that. john can't go around repeating those lies, hurting sarah again and making john even more unpopular. </s> |
AITA for intentionally sending my mom a dick pic to prove a point? | i know, i know. hear me out.
i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find.
i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up.
last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb.
i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate.
honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? | 3,518 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekwcw1/aita_for_intentionally_sending_my_mom_a_dick_pic/ | 2020-01-06 16:27:40 | esh
your mom doesn't understand privacy, and you're fucking out of your mind. | yta. this is some weird ass form of retaliation? | this made me laugh pretty hard but yta. i'm actually kind of surprised that you think there could be a situation in which sending your mom a dick pic wouldn't make you ta. | yta
what did you *think* was going to happen?
i might have said "mom- a lot of my texts are personal and sexy- do you really want to see that?"
but far more likely i would have said "mom, i am an adult man and have zero intentions of sharing my texts with my mommy. you're just going to have to find a way to live with that." | esh.
i know what it's like having helicopter parents. but dude, come on. | esh
you're mom needs to learn that you're an adult and capable of you're own decisions (ones that mostly don't pertain to her anyways). she needs to realize that what you do is your own business.
but...
i can understand her prodding eventually getting to you, but at the same time, you sent your mom a dick pic lmao. why were you even hard? who does that?? | esh c'mon sending a dick pic to your mom is gross. sending unsolicited dick pics is gross. | esh. you couldn't have found a picture on the internet or something instead? lmaooo | bruh, esh, but damn. how angry or better yet, what mindset do you have to be in to think “ugh my mom wants to see my texts, well here’s my dick”
like... what | that's pretty funny. esh, but i get why you did it. your mom doesn't respect your boundaries, so you went with a nuclear solution.
i feel like there may have been steps to take before one so extreme, for whatever that's worth at this stage. | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | 0.028068 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know, i know. hear me out. i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find. i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up. last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb. i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate. honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know, i know. hear me out. i'm currently 20, going to college, and live a hour away from my parents. my mom has always been invasive. living at home i had no privacy. she would always want to see what was on my phone, pc, laptop, etc. she insisted on me not having a lock on my room door and would barge in when ever and when ever. now that i live on my own, this has only gotten worse. she demands to know everything i'm doing and stalks me on any social media she can find. i went home for christmas and during that time she found out through my sister that i've been seeing a girl on campus and have not told her. she has not stopped invading my life since and has demanded all the information she could get on her. i didn't give her anything and did not let her look at my texts when she demanded to see them. now that i'm back on campus she's only ramped up. last night she called me prodding for more, and eventually she started to accuse me of "illicit" behavior with my girlfriend. she claims that "if i can't show my mother my texts, then i shouldn't be sending them". my mom decided to lecture me for half an hour last night. i had enough and said i would send her a full log of our texts. after i hung up though, i sent my mom a picture of my erect penis and turned my phone of do not disturb. i only just barley checked my phone and she had called me over 10 times last night and sent over 50 texts. my dad and sisters also blew me up with texts calling me an asshole.. i just called my dad and he said that it was way out of line and that i'm a major asshole. my mom left me multiple voice mails crying and saying that she went wrong while calling me a degenerate. honestly. she wanted this. she already assumed my texts had dick pics so i just gave her what she wanted. aita? [/INST] esh your mom doesn't understand privacy, and you're fucking out of your mind. </s> |
AITA for being angry with my wife for stealing money from our daughter? | i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members.
kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends.
this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup.
kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. | 1,616 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uco7th/aita_for_being_angry_with_my_wife_for_stealing/ | 2022-04-26 22:13:54 | info: does your wife not have access to your shared finances in order to buy herself gas, food and makeup? | nta
your wife is a thief. take your daughter to the bank to open her a bank account that your wife has no access to. also i don't like ultimatums but you might have to give her one. tell her if she doesn't get a job and pay your daughter back in a certain amount of time that you are leaving. if she's stealing from her own child who else is she stealing from to maintain her lifestyle instead of working? | food and gas sound like household necessities. why doesn't she have (your) money for that?
your wife is ta for stealing from her own kid. full stop.
what are we missing about the 2 of you? | nta, your wife is clearly ta. why are you tolerating her not contributing to the household? she needs a come to jesus about alienating her daughter and extended family by being a leech | info: why does your wife feel the need to steal from your daughter? this is, of course, wrong. but what are your wife's spending habits? has she gone over her allotted "fun money", as each of you should have that in the family budget (including the money that she brings in)?
also, if you had an issue with your wife not working, you're at least 16 years too late to bring it up. it sounds like you were happy with the situation, but she wasn't. she got odd jobs to get what she needed and wanted. that sounds determined. how about you help her with her resume and getting her some real independence?
look, she took from your child and that isn't good. but either she's a jerk stealing from your kid and needs help for that or you're withholding finances when she's your partner. not a clear situation for reddit, but you know the situation. so what's up? | i mean, you're nta for being angry, but you're a massive asshole for staying with your wife after she pissed away your child's hard-earned money. your wife is a bad mother, bad wife, and bad person. staying with her sends your daughter the message that you're okay with what your wife did. | info: does your wife not have access to bank accounts? you say you work, which i assume means you have a paycheck, but your wife steals money from your daughter for gas. | nta. good for you for standing up for your daughter, who already has a better work ethic than her mother.
also, makeup is not a "need"- your wife has impulse issues. | nta, your wife chose to quit her job and she chose to work small jobs for little money. the people calling you ta for not giving her money are missing the point of this post - the wife made a few unilateral decisions on her own and i’m pretty sure she is getting money for necessary things such as food and bills and even gas. but the op stated that she is *burning through any money she gets quickly.*
op, your daughter is now suffering due to her mothers choices. and your wife has now gone way too far, while this type of betrayal can be fixed and forgiven? it can never be *forgotten.* your wife chose greed over her own child. | info does your wife have access to the house income???
there can’t be a judgement until this is answered. | INFO | NTA | null | NTA | INFO | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | INFO | 0.098154 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members. kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends. this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup. kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(45m) have a daughter" kasey"(17f) with my wife(46f). i work full-time during the week until the evening. my wife decided that she did not want to work and stays at home doing small jobs such as cleaning and babysitting for her sister. my wife blows through most of the money she makes and will try to leech off other family members. kasey has been talking about wanting a car as she recently got her permit. she found a car online that she wanted and i told her that i would help pay for half of the price. she has been working at a grocery store part-time after school and on the weekend. she loves her job and wants to continue working after she graduates. my wife thinks she should spend her high school years having fun with her friends. this incident happened over the weekend and there is still tension in the house. kasey comes downstairs with tears in her eyes and asks if i had taken money from her. i tell her no and we go to ask wife. wife admits to stealing small amounts of money from daughter as she needed it for gas, food, and some makeup. kasey starts screaming at wife and calls her a thief. my wife starts crying and apologizing. i get angry and tell her that she needs to get a job to pay kasey back. kasey and wife are not speaking to each other and wife is upset with me for wanting her to get a job. [/INST] info: does your wife not have access to your shared finances in order to buy herself gas, food and makeup? </s> |
AITA for snapping at a barista after she woke up my sleeping baby twice? | the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine.
while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink.
i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here.
aita? | 11,679 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h15hvp/aita_for_snapping_at_a_barista_after_she_woke_up/ | 2020-06-11 18:56:07 | yta.
the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it.
if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business. | yta. the barista was doing her job. it doesn’t matter if it was urgent or not -it is her job. if you don’t wanna be around noise for your baby, don’t leave your house and enter a public space where there will be noise.
you did overreact massively.
edit to add: the manager just didn’t want your drama.
edit to add: thanks for the upvotes all <3 | you're kidding with this, right? you went into a coffee shop and got upset when they were grinding coffee? this is what happens... in a coffee shop. if the things that happen in a coffee shop are too loud for your daughter, don't take her to a coffee shop. you can't expect the world to be put on hold because you arrived. your husband was right, you were being awful and the manager was just trying to keep a customer in these hard times and not risk you doing something worse like blasting them on social media.
yta | info
was that your first time in a coffee shop? | are you the arse hole for yelling at people doing their job? yeah, you are. your kid is not their responsibility. | yta
both for complaining about them doing there job and for not removing your crying baby. | yta. i get that you wanted your daughter to keep sleeping, but the barista was literally just doing her job. you went into *her* place of work and got angry that her job involved loud noises? i’m not sure what you expected from a coffee shop, where the main product needs to be ground down. | [removed] | yta. people don't have to stop doing their actual fucking job to accommodate your special treat and your screaming ass baby. | yta. for fuck sake lady the world does not revolve around you and your kid.
it is a coffee house. there is going to be loud noises and chatter.
you being annoyed about this is like being annoyed a mcdonalds play area is too loud.
wtf did you expect?
then to top it off you tattled to the manager about some perceived grievance. the barista was doing her job (which contrary to your misguided belief does not involve or center around coddling your kid).
i am glad your husband at least has the common sense here. | YTA | YTA | YTA | INFO | null | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | 0.005167 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the coffee shop near my house just reopened, so i went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday. it wasn't busy, but because there were only 3 baristas (only 2 serving customers) working the service was slow. that's fine, i wasn't in a rush. but the second i walked in, i was struck by how loud their coffee grinder was. it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though, but kept going and going, since the 3rd barista was grinding a huge bag of coffee all at once. within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much i try to comfort her. after 5 minutes, i ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby, and she agrees and turns off the machine. while i'm waiting for my drink, i manage to get my daughter to start dozing again, until the barista turns on the grinder again, making my daughter cry all over again. at this point i snap at the barista for turning it on when i'm still there, as she can clearly see that she has caused my daughter to cry again. the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder that was more urgent, but could she have really not waited until i left? anyways, the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink. i emailed the manager when i got home explaining the situation, and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened. in return i got a free gift card. i was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card, but he doesn't think i should have emailed the manager at all, and that i overreacted. but the manager agrees that i was wronged here. aita? [/INST] yta. the manager doesn't agree with you. he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by bitching about it. if your child is sleeping, it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet. it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping--which is not the middle of a retail business. </s> |
AITAH for telling my best friend I wouldn’t make the same gift I made for him for all his family members? | i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? | 13,097 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bdf4x9/aitah_for_telling_my_best_friend_i_wouldnt_make/ | 2019-04-15 12:01:50 | nah, you should also be paid for time and cost of your labor. maybe itemize it for him in the future? it seems like he thinks you’re charging most of it as an upcharge he may not realize the true cost of the item. laying it out like that would show what all goes into making it.
edited to reflect no asshole here. | nta, he was starting to take advantage of you, perhaps innocently enough, but advantage nonetheless. perhaps you could have explained to him in a better way exactly why you couldn't keep making these flags for him without charging for your time at all; but really he shouldn't have put you in that position to begin with. | nta. hopefully it’s awkward because he realizes what a douche he was being. people who don’t hand craft stuff have no idea how long it takes. | info did he know he was getting a good deal in the first place?
if so, you're nta but if not, i'd say nah because he just may not have realised how much goes in to making the flags. as someone else pointed out, he may be super embarrassed now for asking you for all this without knowing he wasn't paying full price. | nta. some advice i've seen from other artists/craftsmen for when you sell your creation at a steep discount (be it for a friend, a charity, some other reason): give them an itemized bill, tallying up what you usually charge, then add a "best friends 1-time discount" line that reduces the bill to $20. doing that can help your friend realize that you aren't suddenly jacking up your prices to stiff his extended family members, they just aren't receiving the best friend discount. you need to make it clear that the cost and value of the flag you gave him is $150, not $20. he needs to appreciate that. | nta, he was taking advantage of you. now, he might not have really thought about it that way so he might not have meant too. if he didn't realize he was being ta then maybe he is just embarrassed and feels bad. | nta
"if you are good at something, never do it for free" - i guess many people had to experience it the hard way. noone can expect you to spend hours of work for free | nta - your friend isn't seeing the handcraft and expertise that goes into your work, also the additional time and effort to make the damn thing, and you've explained quite clearly to him that it was only a reduced price because he and his mom are close to you, and it was good of you to put your foot down. hopefully its possible that its been weird since because he's been ashamed that he attempted to take advantage of you, and is reflecting on it, so maybe try talking it out | nta but it would have been best if you told him he was getting a deal from the beginning. | nah
if you keep it up, you're being taken advantage of, no matter if it's intentional or not.
which it probably isn't.
reading between the lines your friend probably didn't realise how labour intensive the flags are, and is now embarrassed for assuming otherwise.
no assholes here, hug it out. | NAH | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NAH | 0.013266 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m a woodworker on the side, i made my best friend a wooden american flag because he said he would love one. only charged him cost of materials and shipping cost around $20. he then asked me to make another flag for a gift for his mom. i still gave it to him for cheap because growing up i was close with his family, but now he asked me to make the same flags for 5 other people in his family and one coworker. keep in mind i sell these size flags for $150 and he assumed this time it would still be $20 each flag. i promptly told him i can’t do that cost anymore, it was only really a deal for him because he is my best friend and i agreed to it the second time bc it was for his mom but now these are for people i don’t even no. told him i’m sorry but it’s not gonna happen. he responded “oh, ok...” and it’s been weird ever since, really short. should i have just done it and not risk ruining our friendship? [/INST] nah, you should also be paid for time and cost of your labor. maybe itemize it for him in the future? it seems like he thinks you’re charging most of it as an upcharge he may not realize the true cost of the item. laying it out like that would show what all goes into making it. edited to reflect no asshole here. </s> |
WIBTA if I told my friend she had to cover her swastika tattoo to come to my wedding? | hear me out, i know this sounds fake.
my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her.
anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it.
she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it).
i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding.
wibta, or is this reasonable? | 5,784 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhrzbh/wibta_if_i_told_my_friend_she_had_to_cover_her/ | 2019-10-14 15:16:40 | nah. there are foundations that are made specifically to cover tattoos. the most inoffensive way to handle this may be to purchase some and gift it to her while saying that you want her to be comfortable at your wedding and you’d hate for someone to get the wrong idea for someone you care so much about. | oof, nah. there's a huge difference between a distracting birthmark and an incredibly well known and (as far as anyone at the wedding knows) intentionally acquired symbol of hate.
can you maybe help her find a dress that won't be too hot, but will have some chest coverage, like [this one](https://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/exofficio/2061_3103_9999_f?$dw-product$=)?presumably she doesn't want to be wandering around dealing with the reactions and/or explaining her entire backstory to everyone any more than you want to. | nta, a big medical patch to cover her skin isn't a big deal. just cover it up with that, and if anyone asks just tell them it's a injury. that way she isn't hot and uncomfortable in a sweater to hide it, but still isn't displaying it.
i would not want a giant swastika on display at my wedding, i would have more than a few jewish guests who would be extremely offended, and that person does not need to explain that long ass story every time someone confronts them, which will happen with a nazi symbol. | nta, your brothers comparison isn't valid. a birthmark can be distracting but a swastika will offend others and has a lot of meaning attached to it. can you offer to help with the cost of a cover up tattoo? | nah but personally i think it’s a touch hinky that in 3 years anna hasn’t figured out a solution that can keep a giant swastika on her chest hidden or permanently altered regardless of the weather. her willingness to display it and create situations with it because it’s hot is a *problem*. there’s no way she’d be at my wedding at all, if that’s where she is after all this time. | nah
it's reasonable to want it covered. it's a hate symbol and many of the other guests won't understand the context and just think she's a nazi. the birthmark comparison made by your brother is not relevant because a birthmark is not a hate symbol
choosing her as a bridesmaid and picking a dress to cover it would be nice, non-confrontational way of dealing with this, but equally, i think she'd understand if you asked her to cover it if you gave her the context.
there are specialist makeup products designed to cover tattoos. maybe you could do a bit of research and offer to buy some for her?
also, as for some general advice, there are some tattoo artists who will cover tattoos of hate symbols for free or at a heavily reduced price. anna should maybe ask around and see what's available in her area. | nta. her story sounds sad, but she either covers the swastika or she doesn't come. no one should have to hang around someone showing a swastika tattoo-- if you have any jewish or poc friends coming to the wedding, imagine how they will feel if they see that. some will literally fear for their lives, and avoiding that feeling overrides avoiding some "body shaming" because she has the most racist tattoo imaginable, even if she didn't want it. also, there are a good number of tattoo places that will cover gang-related tattoos for free. she should absolutely make it a priority to find one that will help her. | nta. this is different than a birthmark. if you have any guests who are jewish, lgbtq, disabled, or not white, you would be subjecting them to an advertisement for an ideology that thinks they don't deserve to exist. that's not a distraction, it's victimization. if your friend really is a good person, she will understand when you explain that to her. if she doesn't understand, that will tell you something, too. | >she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her.
this is very likely not true. |
info: has anna actually tried any solutions to this issue? people are telling you to help anna find solutions, but has anna actually done anything yet? i mean, she’s 25. she should be able to figure something out. (better) makeup, gauze, a shawl, skin-toned bandaids- none of those things are particularly expensive and all are suited for hot weather.
you’re a kind person, and not an asshole either way, but anna *might* be. i know she doesn’t have a lot of money, but little money doesn’t mean she can’t at least take initiative here. tell anna the tattoo can’t be visible and if you’re willing, offer to help pay for a coverup solution. don’t make her part of the wedding party if you don’t want to. | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | null | INFO | 0.037037 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out, i know this sounds fake. my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her. anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it. she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it). i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding. wibta, or is this reasonable? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hear me out, i know this sounds fake. my (23f) dad works a program in which he gives support (food, money, resources, etc) to people who have just come out of prison and need help. he has done this for as long as i can remember, and i've been helping since i was about 16. we meet a lot of different people from different walks of life, and the service also acts as a support group where we all talk. i met anna (25f) when she was 22 and she'd just been released from prison for some drug charges. she was put in prison right after she turned 18. she told me that because she was so young, she was pushed around a lot in prison. she was basically forced into a prison tattoo of a swastika, because a group of women were threatening her life if she didn't. i believe her story is true and have no reason to doubt her. anna has struggled since getting out of prison and simply does not have the money to cover the tattoo, nor does she know what she would cover it with. it is right on her chest, so is hard to hide. i know she is embarrassed about the tattoo and she hides it with sweaters and high neck shirts. i've seen her try to cover it with make up, but you can still see it. she came to me when i announced my engagement and said it would probably be the only time she would have the tattoo visible, because it is a wedding in the summer (next year) and it will be too hot to hide. i didn't really know what to say at the time. it's going to be a large wedding. i can safely assume there will be some people offended by it (i mean, it makes me feel a bit sick but i try to look past it). i really don't know what to do. i don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel more ashamed than she is, but i also (selfishly) don't want this to be the focus of the wedding, or for any guests to be offended. i'm seriously considering making her a member of my bridal party simply so i can pick dresses that will cover it without singling her out. anna is a really good person now and i don't want to hurt her. my brother, when i told him, said that if she had a giant distracting birth mark, i wouldn't expect her to cover it, so why would i expect her to with this. i feel awful and am genuinely conflicted. i don't want to body shame her but also can't have that at my wedding. wibta, or is this reasonable? [/INST] nah. there are foundations that are made specifically to cover tattoos. the most inoffensive way to handle this may be to purchase some and gift it to her while saying that you want her to be comfortable at your wedding and you’d hate for someone to get the wrong idea for someone you care so much about. </s> |
AITA for refusing to let my daughter get a surgery? | (throwaway because some of my family use reddit.)
hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after.
when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time.
however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it.
i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them.
the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge.
so, aita? | 20,349 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/one1c4/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_daughter_get_a_surgery/ | 2021-07-19 13:27:25 | yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen.
you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?!
yeah yta
you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma.
also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this. | yta. she may have inherited your medical condition. she did *not* inherit your feelings about hospitals, and in no way, shape, or form is it okay for you to insist that she suffer unnecessarily because she *might* not enjoy what the recovery process entails. | yta - why would you want your child to suffer through their entire life with a medical problem that can be easily resolved by surgery? sure, the recovery period is long- but it will alleviate her from having to deal with the problem for her entire life. i'm a parent too, and if i could get my child a surgery rather than have them suffer with a condition for their whole lives, i would definitely go with the surgery.
i understand you have some trauma with hospitals, but this isn't about you, this is about your daughter and her overall quality of life. | yta
you honestly just sound like you don't want your daughter to not have that problem. | [deleted] | yta
i had to look up what she had and if it was something that legitimately wouldn’t hurt her then my answer would be different. however, according to https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/10876/congenital-radioulnar-synostosis this can get very painful once they hit teenage years (which i’m assuming you know) and it can all be avoided with surgery. yes, recovering will also hurt but for a much shorter amount of time. it also stated that surgery is best preformed as soon as possible so that the fusion isn’t as extensive as it will be as they age. also, there is an age limit on when they can even do this surgery so she won’t be able to wait until she’s an adult to make this decision herself.
i sympathize that you have a fear of hospitals but doesn’t the pain your daughter will face for the rest of her life outweigh your fears? | yta...so instead of suffering through recovery, she should suffer for the rest of her life because of your hang-ups? you need to do what's best for your child, not yourself. | >however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that.
is the recovery period longer than "forever," which is how long you've been dealing with your chronic medical conditions?
let's put it this way. if i had a chronic medical condition that my parents could have treated but chose not to because they were afraid of hospitals, i'd be out the door and never talk to them again.
you're inflicting suffering on your daughter by not treating. yta. | yta. so you’d rather your daughter have a medical condition for the rest of her life, rather than have her go through a “long” recovery as a child that she most likely won’t remember so that she can be healthy long term? i mean how long is the “long” recovery in comparison with literally her entire lifespan? what might seem long now is probably just a blip in time. get her the surgery. | yta, kids bounce back from trauma and even thrive from adversity. you are deliberately holding your daughter back. what tf is wrong with you? also as her mother, you've been through the medical system and can help to alleviate her fears and concerns | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(throwaway because some of my family use reddit.) hi, all. i (f30) have been dealing with chronic medical issues all my life. i married my (33) husband, l, a few years ago and had my daughter a (5) soon after. when i was pregnant with a, i was warned that it would be difficult due to my issues and that she would likely have some passed on from me. i accepted this, and i expected it. she was delivered and was a beautiful baby girl who didn't have my issues at the time. however, as she got older, it became more apparent that she inherited my medical problems. one of which has an optional surgery that could negate it entirely. it's possible to live with it instead of choosing to operate, but the surgery will eliminate it. i have some trauma with hospitals in general. i've had to be in and out of them my entire life, and it's left some deep wounds. it's awful to spend your formative years stuck in a sterile room with an iv and in pain. i've spent some time in therapy for it, but i still hate them. the surgery that would remove the problem is covered by insurance, so money isn't a problem. however, it has a long recovery period, and i don't want my daughter to have to suffer through that. i've told l that i don't want her to have to go through the lengthy process of recovery. he disagrees and has asked my family members to "knock some sense" into me. (his words, not mine.) it's become a big point of contention between us, and i refuse to budge. so, aita? [/INST] yta, you decided to have a baby when you knew that this would/could happen. you want her to live with it because of *your trauma*?! yeah yta you also should have thought about this before having biological children. god knows how long you will let your kid suffer because of your trauma. also don't have another child if you are going to treat them like this. </s> |
AITA for suggesting my 7yo name his new stuffed tiger "Tig Bitties"? | pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. | 46,468 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cnml52/aita_for_suggesting_my_7yo_name_his_new_stuffed/ | 2019-08-08 14:32:21 | nah
inappropriate? yes.
still funny? also yes. | nah . you jokingly suggested a name, it's not your fault your son happened to like it. there will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much. just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you "just thought of an even better last name!" and i'd bet he'd go with you and change it. | nah -
he's your son but i'll tell you right now you may come to regret it.
my dad one time as a reward let us watch austin powers, the one with the fat mike myers. thinking most of the humor would go over our heads; but we really wanted to see it as we heard alot about it.
i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade and my brother in 1st or 2nd.
my brother ended up going to school and pushing his chest together and told the teacher 'muh titties are bigger than yours' ...to a pretty busty teacher. my parents had to go in and have a fairly lengthy conversation.
so all in good fun you each have valid opinions. but it definitely may have some negative ramifications. | yta. it may have gone over *his* head, but what about when he repeats it in school or around adults? | nta. i had a toy monkey my father called "benito" (like mussolini) and i grew up just fine. | nah but maybe refer to it as tig as much as you can, just to please your wife as a compromise
the same way you refer to his teddy bear as tess, and not miss tickles | nta. this is hilarious. | nah
hahahahahahaha | yta, but also i want to say nah because it's funny. :p
but seriously, your wife is right, that is inappropriate for a 7-year-old. he's not going to know what it means, and he's going to talk to his friends about tig bitties, and some uppity soccer mom is going clutch her pearls, and it's going to be a big mess of stupid.
and then later in his life it's going to click and he's going to be like "wtf dad? why'd you have me running around talking about tig bitties when i was 7 years old?"
i don't think it's a big deal, and obviously it's too late. this is a facepalm-and-move-on kind of thing. but your wife's response is totally valid. | nah
while your joke is very funny at least for you and me lol, something could go wrong with this name, not a mayor problem or a situation i could imagine will affect your child in a important way.
some people point out that his friends will laugh at him but, if he couldnt understand the double meaning i dont think his friends will.
also tig bitties could sound like a cute way to say tiger bites or something random a kid would put as a name to his toy lol. | NAH | NAH | NAH | YTA | NTA | NAH | NTA | NAH | YTA | NAH | 0.332334 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
pretty much the title. my son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him "tig". he asked me what its last name should be. i couldn't help myself and just instantly replied "bitties". then i turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was pissed and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked "bitties", so now his tiger is tig bitties. my wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, i think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications. [/INST] nah inappropriate? yes. still funny? also yes. </s> |
AITA for laughing at my coworker's breast size? | i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately.
now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise?
___________________________
ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact.
ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. | 2,508 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4nt4e/aita_for_laughing_at_my_coworkers_breast_size/ | 2019-06-24 13:25:59 | esh. are you sure this didn't take place at your elementary school? because y'all sound like little kids. | nta, everyone on reddit is so high and mighty. if we're making appearance jokes then let's make appearance jokes. if you can't take appearance jokes, don't make appearance jokes. really that simple. yes it's "childish" and i'm not a child but i'm also not a parent. not my job to teach grown ups to keep their comments to themselves through lectures and "teachable moments". if she has made it all the way to adulthood without knowing unsolicited comments on people's bodies isn't ok then she gets to deal with whatever consequence that brings about, including unsolicited comments about her own body. i welcome your downvotes, holy church of reddit. | esh
name-calling and body-shaming are never okay. i'm surprised that you and these people have jobs given how childish you all seem. | esh. she shouldn't have made fun of you, and you shouldn't have made fun of her back. apologise if you care about getting on - if not, don't bother. | yta, because this may be sexual harassment. yes, she sucks for starting it and being an ah too, but you mentioned her breasts which may bring hr into the picture.
as someone mentioned, she most likely didn't know you had an insecurity about your head size. you immediately snapped back with a body shame, indicating you have checked out her breasts before. this may land you in some hot water. i wish you had called her "man hands" or "clown feet" or something. that would have been more tit for tat (no pun intended) | nta
dont dish it if you cant take it. | yta.
dude. commenting on her breasts can be taken as sexual harrassment. you should hope that nobody overheard who would be willing to report it. | esh. her for the insult about your head and you for retaliating with a insult about her breasts. | nta.
she was definitely in the wrong for starting in on you. and i think you turning it around on her just gave her a lesson in what it's like to have someone mock your appearance and she didn't like it one bit.
&#x200b;
i suggest talking to her. don't apologize, just be matter of fact. "so you didn't like the comment i made about you. well, now you know how i felt when you were mocking me. kind of hurtful, isn't it?" | info-did she do it maliciously? | ESH | NTA | ESH | ESH | YTA | NTA | YTA | ESH | NTA | INFO | 0.622173 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately. now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise? ___________________________ ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact. ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was washing my hands at the restroom, and my coworkers, let's call them a and b, were happily chatting behind me. then a suddenly tells me: wow, xxx, i just realised, your head is so big ! she starts laughing and b joins her. having a larger head than average has always been an insecurity for me. before i even realised, i instinctively snapped back at her: didn't remember to bring your breasts to work, huh? she was very shocked and stopped laughing immediately. now i feel guilty for saying it, it was just so rude, she's very flat so i've hurt her feelings. but, admittedly, it also wasn't pleasant to hear her comments on my body. a and i were never on very good terms, and now it's even worse. aita for humiliating her? should i apologise? ___________________________ ps: i've noticed some comments saying i'm male, which is not the case, i'm female and we were using the women's restroom. not that this excuses anything, just stating a fact. ps2: ok i see why you guys call me a dudebro. on my other post the title suggested i was a 20m, it was a mistake and should've been 20f me and 20m my boyfriend. maybe some would consider this a shitpost because of the seemingly inaccurate information, but i guess whatever. wouldn't make my head any smaller. [/INST] esh. are you sure this didn't take place at your elementary school? because y'all sound like little kids. </s> |
AITA for telling my sister to stop coming to me to complain about what my husband says to her? | my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway.
last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him.
it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me.
neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? | 8,725 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x5vsse/aita_for_telling_my_sister_to_stop_coming_to_me/ | 2022-09-04 19:43:37 | yta
tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues.
what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him. | yta. both you and your husband. a match made in heaven. | yta.
fertility issues are incredibly personal and your husband has absolutely *no place* "dishing it out" as you call it over something so personal and sensitive. and yes, she is sensitive. it's a sensitive topic and you should be absolutely ashamed of your husband's abhorrent behavior. he is being a cruel, vindictive bully who needs to learn that every little thought that passes through his bully brain doesn't need to come out of his mouth. furthermore, him specifically targeting your sister says he actually *wants* to be cruel and hurtful to her. and you enable him!
"oh don't come to me about his behavior." why *shouldn't* she? you married the oaf. he's your responsibility!
or... are you just happy that when your sister is around, he's not being a cruel, vindictive bully to *you*? | [removed] | [removed] | yta you did bring him into the family. it has been your job to shut him down and remove him from family events when he offers his insulting comments right from the minute you started dating him. you are enabling him. if you cannot get him to shut up, then you need to leave you ah husband at home. you are both insufferable and i've no idea why your family hasn't cut you both out years ago. | yta, and so is your insensitive, cruel husband.
yes, you absolutely should be telling your husband to knock that crap off. wtf is wrong with the two of you?!? your husband should apologize to your sister immediately, and cut that crap out immediately & permanently.
did your sister *ask* for your husband's advice or input? no. he wasn't "giving his honest opinion", because he wasn't asked for his opinion. he was tormenting your sister, and has been for quite some time. you need to stop enabling him by giving him a pass & defending his horrible behavior, and he needs to either stfu, or stay away from other people, if he can't speak to people like a normal human being. | yta and so is your husband. altho who doesn’t love the tired trope of “just being honest” to excuse being cruel for no reason. | yta
what's going on that your husband is so interested in your sister's fertility? this is gross. just gross. ew.
your sister can say she's looking at ivf, and then your husband can say nothing. | yta and so is your husband. he is not giving his honest opinion, he is being a bully. and you are defending and enabling him. | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my f31, sister f35 "claire" has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. she gets all kinds of questions from people about when she'll have kids but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about tge topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids. she once claimed he told her "women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children" or that one time she claimed he mocked her inferitility by calling her garden "barren" just like her. i admit that my husband is the type to dish it out but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway. last week we got together for dinner at my parents house. my sister came downstairs later while mom and i were in the kitchen. she told me that my husband "suggested" she backs out of her ivf treatment and find "better use for the money" when she announced wanting to try ivf. she went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were. i felt upset i told her she was right to be mad but she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son, and try to speak to him instead. she snapped at me saying she already talked to him but since he's my husband and "i" brought him "into" the family then i should be the one to "handle" him. i told her her reasoning didn't make any sense but she called me selfish and cruel just like him. it got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say i was enabling him!. i left and went home. my husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the ivf, and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face. he also said that she's probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that i was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me. neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. aita? [/INST] yta tell your husband to keep his mouth shut. “my husband is the type to dish it out”, no, your husband is an ah that thinks it’s appropriate to comment on your sisters body and reproductive issues. what an awful inconsiderate man you married, you don’t seem too far behind him. </s> |
AITA for telling my mother that my step dad will not be walking me down the aisle because I hate him, and in turn ripping my family apart? |
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle.
my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting.
so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off.
he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? | 24,806 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekwwcq/aita_for_telling_my_mother_that_my_step_dad_will/ | 2020-01-06 17:06:00 | nta.
your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there.
it's your day.
you're making memories for your family.
he's not part of that.
the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him. | nta. it's your wedding.
>if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'
is the guest list not up to you...? | nta. i’m sorry. your mom has been going to a lot of trouble to convince herself everything has been fine. you don’t owe her that illusion. it’s lovely that you have a good relationship with your uncle. i hope you have a wonderful wedding day.
(i’d recommend not jumping to “i’ve torn my family apart,” though, ok? you’ve just stopped drinking the kool aid. you’re not responsible for their reactions. don’t let them bully you into pretending and don’t take on more of this than what’s fair.) | nta. wow.
>he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me.
way to demonstrate how his relationship with you has been *funny banter* instead of *emotionally abusive* | nta
the step-dunce abused you. you have every right to choose who walks you down the aisle. they're trying to get you to feel guilty about it. don't fall into that trap. | nta
it’s your wedding and you get to choose. your stepfather is out of line for contacting your uncle about this.
you owe no one an explanation or justification. your decision is made and it’s not open for debate. next time your mother brings it up, shut it down; “my decision is made and i don’t want to discuss it.” if she persists, tell her that you’ll talk to her later and politely end the conversation.
boundaries only exist if they’re enforced. i’m sorry this is happening to you. | > she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us.
i am the father of two wonderful, grown-up kids. if the best that can be said of a father is "he would never hurt us" that's just a shame. you are nta. i hope your wedding is the beginning of a wonderful life. | nta. though i do think it's time for you to have a long, honest talk with your mother about his past actions and how deeply they affected you, if things calm down enough.
you don't have to include anyone in your wedding that you don't want to. your wedding is for you and your partner - you both deserve to have the wedding you wish.
glad to hear that your uncle is standing by you on this. | nta - your mom was in denial. she shouldn't have married a man who gets along so poorly with her daughter. | [deleted] | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23) am getting married to my boyfriend of 6 years in june. we're having quite a large wedding (fiance has a big family, and we have a lot of friends), but my family is very small. my only family is my mom (never met my dad), and i have an aunt and uncle who are childfree. since i was little, having no father i always wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle. my mom married my step dad when i was 12, and i've never liked him. he's a bully. he says horrible things to people, says racist, sexist, transphobic things for attention, and heavily contributed to my mental illness and eating disorder as a teenager. my mom knows that we don't get along, and she knows i didn't like him, but i gave up on confiding in her about how much i disliked him when i was around 15, because she would always insist that despite having a nasty mouth, he was a really good guy and he would never hurt us. so, it's been around 8 years since i've told my mom i hate him. i moved out when i was 19 with my boyfriend. i visit my mom maybe 3-4 times a week, i would try to time this around my step dad working so i wouldn't see him. as a result of seeing him less, i was more able to ignore his horribleness and we stopped arguing. i mostly stopped talking to him. he still refers to me as his daughter and my mother insists he loves me. it is not mutual, but everyone has assumed that i love him too and our relationship is just based on 'banter' rather than tormenting. so, when i got engaged, i asked my uncle almost straight away if he would walk me down the aisle. he was over the moon, but my aunt was like 'oh, you aren't picking step dad?' and i said no, i've always wanted uncle to do it. a few hours later, my mom called me crying asking why i wouldn't want step dad to do it, saying it's broken his heart. i told her that i've always dreamed of having uncle do it. she pressed on about how heartbroken he is, saying he always thought we had a good, funny relationship. this is where i feel like an ass. i said, 'there was nothing funny about him ruining my self esteem and teenage years. i hate him and if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be at the wedding'. my mom said that she's horrified that i still feel this way, once again spouting that he's a good guy and he loves me. i repeated that i hate the guy, and she said she'll tell him to back off. he's now angry at me and has asked my uncle not to walk me. my uncle is now not speaking to him, and i feel like i've torn what little family i have apart. aita? [/INST] nta. your wedding. he doesn't have to even be there. it's your day. you're making memories for your family. he's not part of that. the fact he's tried to ruin it by getting your uncle involved days a lot about him. </s> |
AITA for not letting my daughter date a boy from the same neighborhood that I’m from? | i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up.
i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison.
i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison.
she spends more time with me than her mother.
she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him.
she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from.
i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore.
when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore.
she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him.
she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that.
aita? | 2,229 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n84159/aita_for_not_letting_my_daughter_date_a_boy_from/ | 2021-05-09 02:06:08 | nah but forbidding her isn't going to do anything. you need to talk to her. tell her what you did while you were in the gang. tell her what you did that got you sent to prison. tell her about prison. be honest. you want her to have a better life, she needs to know what the life she's choosing looks like. talk to her mom. have her ask her mom what it felt like to raise a baby alone because the father was in prison. | nta you’re not a hypocrite.. you’re speaking from experience as you want your daughter to have different life experiences to you and her mother did.
however you telling her not to date him isn’t going to stop her and if anything will push them closer - the heart always wants what it can’t have. the best you can do is warn her and tell her why you don’t agree with it. | nah
no one is being an asshole. you are speaking from experience about the lifestyle implied by those tattoos. she isn't the asshole for thinking you sound hypocritical. you do, you were in the same situation as this guy but turned out okay in her eyes. she just doesn't understand the progression it took.
i think you are probably better off letting her date the dude but take an active role in the relationship and see if you can guide him away from the lifestyle. i mean, it is dependent on the actual lifestyle you are implying. i am from baltimore and if an older guy took me under his wing and taught me about how my younger lifestyle fucked him over, i might have turned out better. | nah. it’s impossible not to feel protective of our kids when we see the possibility for them to have the same troubles we experienced ourselves. but our kids are their own people and we can’t control their actions. we can work to teach and guide them, though. as the adult here, you can tell her who she can’t and can’t bring into the house. at the same time, she has the agency to not listen to you. this is a bigger issue than forbidding her to date certain people. it’s part of a conversation with her on the life you used to lead, how you have changed, why this isn’t what you want for her, what she wants for herself, and how she intends to achieve that. i think you’re fine to start with talking about the meaning of this guy’s tattoos, but that it’s the first conversation of many, and that she will ultimately make her own choices, and hopefully you can help her make good ones. you’re a good dad! | i can't say you're the asshole because i get where you're coming from, but flat out refusing to let her see him is only going to make her moe determined to do so. | nta
i don't know much about that life. but it sounds like your title is misleading; it's not because of where he's from but what he does - specifically his choice to be in the gang. you're nta for not wanting your daughter to be away from that life, which it sounds like you know well.
however, consider how forbidding a 15 year old daughter from dating someone might backfire. it could end up making things worse and push her away.
a better choice might be to sit down and really try and understand her feelings - and get her to understand yours. share with her exactly what it is you're afraid of. and try to empower her to make healthy decisions in her relationships. | nta you're only trying to protect her and there is a huge difference between leaving a life of crime behind you and currently living that life. you can't know if this young man will expose your daughter to danger and as a parent your number one job is to protect your child. you may have to make it really clear you can't trust someone with those tats who hasn't left the life like you did. | nta - impart your life lessons on her !! ask her mother to have a talk about how life was raising a baby while her boyfriend is in jail and how that all worked out.
maaate... she has to break the cycle! onward and upward for you all
ps i wasn’t with my high school boyfriend for very long so hopefully it won’t last | yta but only a little. the only reason you're a little bit is because you didn't talk to him about his tatts and find out how fresh and how committed he is too possible change, offering him the opportunity to get out in order to date your daughter. other than that, not the asshole. | soft yta, with opportunity to do better.
she argued with you because you tried to take away her agency. that’s going to result in her continuing to see this guy anyway. and getting more controlling will only become abusive.
you didn’t teach her anything. a lot of other people have explained the kinds of productive conversations you can have. i imagine you have learned a lot, and that extends to knowing about these gangs. the key is to communicate that in a way that treats your daughter like a person.
though, i expect she may retort with “he doesn’t do that anymore” or “he’s not like that.” i can both see how that’s optimistic, but you also don’t know about him for yourself either. that might be a hangup. | NAH | NTA | NAH | NAH | YTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | 0.474805 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up. i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison. i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison. she spends more time with me than her mother. she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him. she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from. i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore. when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore. she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him. she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i currently live not too far from the rough neighbourhood where i grew up. i grew up in a gang and spent about six years in prison. i was released early on a fifteen year sentence when there were errors made by the prosecution that rendered the rest of my sentence essentially null and void. i have a lot of tattoos relating to both my time in prison and outside of prison. i have a fifteen year old daughter maria with my ex. my ex had her when we were 20 right before i went to prison. she spends more time with me than her mother. she recently told me that she had started to see a boy. i told her that i was okay with her dating but i wanted to meet him. she brought him over the other day and i immediately recognized some of his tats as being from the same gang and area that i’m from. i was polite to him while he was at my house but when he left, i told marie that she was not to see him anymore. when she argued with me, i told her that i saw his tattoos and that i did not want her in that life and she was not to see him anymore. she told me that i was a giant hypocrite because i have the same tats and come from the same life as him. i said that was exactly why i didn’t want her seeing him. she is staying with her mom this weekend and i’m wondering if i am in the right here. i know that i might be a hypocrite but at the same time i know what that life brings and i don’t want maria to be a part of that. aita? [/INST] nah but forbidding her isn't going to do anything. you need to talk to her. tell her what you did while you were in the gang. tell her what you did that got you sent to prison. tell her about prison. be honest. you want her to have a better life, she needs to know what the life she's choosing looks like. talk to her mom. have her ask her mom what it felt like to raise a baby alone because the father was in prison. </s> |
AITA for pretending to be an "Appletarian" (eating only apple derived foods/drinks) for 3 weeks as a prank, causing my friends to have an intervention for me? | i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.
i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.
apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.
finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry.
but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.
they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.
i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke".
in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.
but, did i go too far?
| 31,857 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b22cxm/aita_for_pretending_to_be_an_appletarian_eating/ | 2019-03-17 06:25:12 | nah.
i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank. | nta absolute legend. that level of commitment is on par with the method acting of daniel day lewis. thanks for the late night laugh. | nah, but the date thing is really pushing it | yta. probably.
seems like you must have gone too far, since people got genuinely worried for you, and your gf broke up with you.
personally, i admire your commitment to the joke.
then again, i once made a friend cry because she never knew when to worry and when not to because another friend and i would always make stuff up. turns out it is probably better to be kind to others and consider their feelings than to feel awesome about the pranking. | yta. look, i get a good joke. i get a long running prank. but no matter how good you think the prank is, ignoring how everyone else feels with the assumption that they'll come around is a terrible idea.
you did this joke for weeks. that means you had weeks to recognise them getting worried. to recognise them getting annoyed with you. to recognise how you were hurting your girlfriend. ffs, they staged an intervention for you! do you have any idea how serious that is? they were genuinely worried for you; worried enough that they risked you getting angry with them, you storming out, permanent damage to their relationships with you... and your reaction to their genuine concern and love was to "laugh hysterically".
again. your reaction to their show of love and concern was to laugh hysterically. you may have had good intentions, but somewhere along the way, you lost the thread and went too far. apologize. | nta. your gf is an asshole for breaking up with you after embarrassing her once. i’m sure that if you asked people i have dated they would say i embarrassed them on a weekly basis in one way or another | i'm going to say that yta because you drew it out so long. if it took your friends literally having to set up an intervention, than there's an issue (although, props to your friends for being so concerned about your wellbeing). | yta you knew they were getting worried but kept it going. a joke should be fun for everyone. pushing it til they did an intervention was definitely wrong. and tbh, i'm thinking this is likely a troll post, cause seriously how can you not see that causing worry (which means you caused them stress too) isn't a joke. | yta. your prank was to convince people who care deeply about you that you are mentally ill, because let's be honest, only someone going through an eating disorder or a psychotic break would eat only apples for three weeks straight. you may as well have pretended to be an alcoholic, or pretended to be having chronic daily migraines. perhaps some of the people you fooled have (or had) eating disorders themselves, or watched another loved one go through one.
try putting yourself in their shoes: imagine that someone you loved started displaying bizarre, unhealthy beliefs and behaviours, out of the blue, for three solid weeks, despite how much it worried or angered the people around them. and when you finally muster the courage to confront your loved one to try and get them help, they laugh at you for trusting them and caring for them. would that leave a sour taste in your mouth? | yta. look man i get a good joke, but keeping something going for weeks when it's clearly upsetting people, and ruining a date night all for a stupid joke? that's messed up. they were worried about you, they thought you were hurting yourself, and you were fucking with them. you took it to far, you need to apologize. | NAH | NTA | NAH | YTA | YTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.427172 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an "appletarian", meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider. i told them them all that i had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you. when i first told them they thought i was joking, but they underestimated how committed i would be to a joke. so, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) i was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider. apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc. finally after about a week they bought that i had become an appletarian. they started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples, and growing increasingly exasperated by it. some of them even got angry. but i wanted to stick with the joke. finally, after the end of 3 weeks, i walked into what i was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me. they were all super concerned about my well being and had all sorts of information or whatever. finally i started laughing hysterically. they were confused as hell so i told them i had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge. i even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it. i thought they'd appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed. my girlfriend even broke up with me over this because a few days ago i had ruined our date night when i told the waiter i only wanted apples because i was an appletarian and had "embarrassed her for a dumb joke". in my opinion the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank. but, did i go too far? [/INST] nah. i may be in a minority, but i think this is fucking funny as hell. i feel like your girlfriend over-reacted but maybe in the future, include girlfriend in said prank. </s> |
AITA for yelling at my dad(51M) and calling him a monster for what he gave my sister(30F) as a Christmas ''gift''? | my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992.
amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship.
enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4.
my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that.
a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight.
in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad.
my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her.
so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it.
it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number.
dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''.
amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that.
my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing.
my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas.
aita here? | 23,594 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kn9wvu/aita_for_yelling_at_my_dad51m_and_calling_him_a/ | 2020-12-30 20:19:50 | nta
it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole:
1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her
2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her
3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it
4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. | omg. women are not baby-making machines. whatever their views on abortion, your father had no right to rub her decision in her face. he clearly has no respect for women, something that your brothers seem to have inherited. good on you for standing up for your sister. you're nta. you're a wonderful sister and a bad ass. | nta - daaamn what your dad did is messed up. i get that abortion might be a sore topic for some people but c'mon, that was just a plain and simple dick move to do. he deliberately preyed amy's fears and insecurities and is subjecting her to mental abuse. | so if i’m reading this correctly, your dad gave amy the info not because of her curiosity about her mom, but to twist the knife of her getting an abortion by basically saying she’s as “heartless” as her own mother?
if so, that’s pretty low. your dad and his whole family seem to have an unhealthy fixation on women producing babies - or maybe against abortion? why was it so important to them that amy’s mom go through with the pregnancy? why not just wait until your dad was married?
anyway, your dad is a controlling, heartless creep... mom also sucks for staying silent, and brothers for laughing. you and amy of course are nta - i hope she’s able to heal from this and maybe get something positive out of connecting with her bio-mom. i hope your dad stubs his toe every time he enters or leaves a room for the rest of his life. | omg, i'm so mad on you and amy's behalf.
>my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas
you didnt!!! your dad made a scene and ruined christmas!!!
nta in the slightest, wtf. | nta.
your dad and mark are the assholes here.
mark should never tell your dad about her pregnancy and used his history with amy's mom to try to convince her to keep the baby.
your dad because he is acting out, but honestly, while he is totally being an ass i see a little bit of his side too, he gave a lot for amy's mom to keep amy, and 30 years later when amy is presented with a ''similar'' scenario she did exactly what her bio-mom wanted in the first place, while he was wrong to push her to keep the pregnancy he probably sympathizes with mark (he was in the same spot as him 30 years ago).
but to give her that much information on her lap as a punishment is too far, one of the worst things you can do to someone who had a parent who was abusive or was not present in her life is comparing someone to that parent, by saying ''that amy's bio-mom and she are so similar'' is just saying ''you are just like your mother'', he did that to hurt her he was indeed a monster, amy must be a mess hearing that from her own dad.
poor amy. | jesus nta
spend nye with your sister and seriously don’t even try to reach out to your parents. your mom needs apologize for not standing up for your sister, your brothers need to get their heads out of their ass and your dad... i mean your dad needs to have his head looked at. i straight wouldn’t be in the same room as him until he apologized to your sister. | nta. you’re so, so, so nta. your dad and sister’s ex-fiancé are being emotionally abusive and cruel to your sister. | nta. literally everyone is an asshole besides you and your sister. your dad clearly has some resentment towards your sister and her bio-mother and it’s very very toxic. it’s her body and her choice.
your dad giving her the contact info was not a gift. it was done in spite. please continue to support your sister. i can only imagine how hard this is for her. | nta
#change her phone number! | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(28f) sister amanda(30f) never met her bio-mom. my dad(51m) raised her alone until she was barely 1, my dad and my mom got married in 1992. amanda knew that my mom wasn't her bio-mother, she started pressuring my dad for information on her mom when she was around 17, my dad always gave her vague answers and refused to talk about her bio mom, which put a strain on their relationship. enters our uncle (49m) and revealed the ''family secret'', apparently, amy's mom wanted an abortion (she was 19), but my dad and his parents were able to ''bribe'' her, they offered her money if she followed up with the pregnancy, and she accepted, my grandparents sold one of their houses and gave her half of that money to amy's mom when the pregnancy was viable, and the other half she received when she waived her parental rights over amy to let my mom adopt her when she was 4. my uncle wasn't supposed to tell her that, my grandparents were furious. amy stopped her crusade to met her bio-mom and her relationship with my dad went back to normal, amy never mentioned her bio-mom again, dad got her into therapy after that. a month ago, amy found out that she was pregnant, the pregnancy was an accident, she switched birth controls. the problem being, amy is about to start her surgical residency and her hours are insane, it is basically impossible to raise a baby while working in that rhythm, so she wanted an abortion, the problem is that mark(35m) her fiancé (6 years together) wanted her to keep the baby, it caused a big fight. in a dick move to convince amy to keep the baby, mark told dad about this (until that point no one in our family knew about this), dad talked with her and they got into an enormous fight. amy went got the abortion 10 days ago, mark ended up breaking up with her, she is obviously really sad. my dad was acting like a jerk, he was pretending that amy didn't exist, he didn't want to talk or see her. so on christmas day, we were exchanging gifts, when everyone had already finished giving each other gifts dad got up and gave amy her ''present'', he gave her an envelope in front of everyone and told her to open it. it was 3 pictures with something written on the back, a name, an address, and a phone number. dad told her that he was tired of ''babying'' her, that this is a photo of her bio-mom and her two sons, that was her bio-mom address, and that he contacted her bio-mom and she is willing to speak with amy, he gave her amy's number, dad thinks that they will have ''a great relationship since they are so similar''. amy broke down crying, i ended up in a fight with dad, called him a monster for doing that to her, he just said he ''was just tired'' and left, we ended up leaving and she spent the rest of christmas crying on my shoulder, she is a mess since that. my younger brothers called me a grinch for making a scene and ruining christmas, my mom was silent during the whole thing. my parents have been giving me the cold shoulder since christmas. aita here? [/INST] nta it sounds like you and your sister are the only ones not acting like assholes here. here's why every single other person involved is an asshole: 1. her ex-fiance is an asshole for trying to use her father to control her 2. y'all's dad is an asshole for berating her about something that was none of his business and then using christmas as an opportunity to further lash out at her 3. your mother is an asshole for standing by and not saying jack shit while he did it 4. finally, every younger brother who thinks you're the issue here is an asshole because you're clearly not the one that made a scene. that would be your father. </s> |
AITA for calling out my sister for breastfeeding at my wedding? | my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding.
she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool.
during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this.
i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it.
the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? | 21,040 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vs7hcm/aita_for_calling_out_my_sister_for_breastfeeding/ | 2022-07-05 20:33:42 | yta. your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month old. | yta.
god, what *is* it with all the guys who marry women much younger than them? they all seem to be immature and controlling in the same way!
'everyone thinks you're the ah because you're the only person who had a problem with it.' -- and they're right. | info: did you ask all the other guests at the wedding not to eat as well? | the only tacky person with bad etiquette is you. yta
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side note: you are 34 and your wife is 23? | yes, yta, i would figure that having your parents and wife tell you would have been enough, but some people need more evidence. since you personally do not have breasts, you have no clue how painful or difficult pumping might be, so you're a jerk for suggesting it.
then there's the fact that you never yold her that it bothers you, but expected her to just magically understand that you had a problem with it. | oh hell yeah, yta! babies that young need to eat constantly, bc they have tiny stomachs that fill and empty quickly. this is why your sister is always feeding the baby - bc the baby always needs to eat!
also, a baby this young, who has been exclusively fed by one method (breast) cannot easily switch to another method (bottle).
also, as your sister told you, for some folks, pumping hurts like a mofo. i personally was never able to produce much extra - just as much as my son needed. so that's a lot of pain for nothing.
you need to shut your mouth and open your mind, bc you have a lot to learn before you have children. give yourself a good decade. fortunately it sounds like your wife and parents have their heads screwed on straight. | oh, bless your heart. you're really not mature enough to be dating a woman much less getting married to one. she's breastfeeding the baby because the baby is hungry. and as far as pumping, do you think she's just hauling one around in case some man can't stand breasts unless they're sexualized?
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everyone thinks yta because you really are. | yta.
she’s not going to starve her baby just because you can’t fathom that breasts have another purpose other than being for your entertainment.
i would imagine that your guests weren’t phased. how many of them have breastfed or had partners that did (or tried)?
if you and your wife do have kids, she may choose to breastfeed. are you going to shame her if she needs to feed your offspring in public?
grow up, op. | “she feeds her baby wherever she goes. we visit her house? she’ll feed the baby in front of us. visiting parents? she’ll feed the baby. going out in a public setting? she’ll sit on a bench and feed her baby. go out to a restaurant? she feeds the baby.”
this is how ridiculous you sound. she’s just feeding her baby.
yta | yta feeding a child is not poor etiquette. there's something wrong with you if you feel a woman breastfeeding is an affront to you. grow up before you have a child. | YTA | YTA | INFO | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding. she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool. during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this. i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it. the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (34m) sister gave birth 2 months ago. she brought the baby to mine and my wife's (23f) wedding. she breastfeeds whenever she goes. we visit her house? she'll breastfeed in front of us. visiting our parents? she'll breastfeed. going out in a public setting? she'll sit on a bench on the park and breastfeed. go out to a restaurant? she breastfeeds. every where. i've never spoken on it because i know she'll get mad and offended but when she did that on my wedding i lost my cool. during the reception dinner she just did it again. i kindly approached her and asked her why she didn't bring formula or at least bump milk out and put it in the bottle so she wouldn't have to do all this at that moment. she said "because i don't have to. i feel comfortable breastfeeding. getting milk out on my own is more painful" i said she could just make this sacrifice and compromise for one day instead of doing this in front of 250 guests on my wedding. she then said she can't do much about it now, because the baby has to have her milk. i told her she should be more thoughtful of that then instead of completely embarrassing herself and us by doing this. i told my wife what the deal was and she said i'm an ah and should immediately apologise to my sister. my parents also sided with my sister and now pretty much everyone thinks i'm an ah since i'm the only person who had a problem with it. the only reason i decided to call her out is because i considered it a bad etiquette and tacky to do that at a formal event and that she could just find another solution for that night. aita? [/INST] yta. your sister deserves a hug and a thank you for making the effort to attend a wedding with a 2-month old. </s> |
AITA for exposing my aunt and her lies about my mom? | i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? | 1,016 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnxnqv/aita_for_exposing_my_aunt_and_her_lies_about_my/ | 2021-09-14 06:52:07 | info
how certain are you that the younger sister is the one lying and not the one who contacted you? | nta but your family members are acting like assholes. try to talk it out as a family and see why they feels it’s ok to lie, and why it’s not ok to stand up for yourself when someone is lying about another family member. if they can’t be civil then the family relationship may be toxic. | nta. family's a madhouse tho 😂 | nta
you were exposing lies. however, i would take a step back now and not get too overly involved. | nta
you just experienced what it's like to have a pathological liar in the family. i have a sister like your aunt and go from little to no contact with her and most of the others in my family just brush her lies off saying that's just how she is so i get why they would be mad for exposing her. it isn't right but it is what it is, they can take her bs if they want to but you did the right thing by exposing her crap. | nta. wow what a messy sibling relationship. | null | null | null | null | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | null | null | null | 0.010352 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a f23 and recently one of my aunts (my moms older sister 51) called me and asked me to please tell my mom to stop asking her youngest sister for money (her youngest sister is 43) i was very confused when she called because i am with my mom 24/7 and she doesn’t have communication with her younger sister in any form. so i asked my aunt who told her that my mom was asking for money and she replied with “earlier my youngest sister was crying on the phone because your mom asks her and her husband for money to pay the bills, the rent and stock up on food” my jaw dropped, that was a complete lie…my mom and i work hard to pay the bills and all of our food, so i decided to plan something. i called my aunt (the liar) via facetime and had a regular “hey, how’ve you been?” conversation while filming the whole thing and then i straight up asked her “hey, have you been saying that my mom asks you and your husband for money?” to which she went ballistic and started saying that my other aunt was crazy and making things up and trash talking her. i hung up, stopped recording and sent the video to my other aunt with a message that said “she needs serious help” and now everyone in my family is mad and my mom and i for exposing the truth but they weren’t mad at her for making up such huge lies, so…aita? [/INST] info how certain are you that the younger sister is the one lying and not the one who contacted you? </s> |
AITA not wanting my husband's 17 yo brother to come with us on our vacation? | for context: my f25 husband's m27 remaining parent passed away about 4 months ago. he has a 17 yo brother (ryan) who is now living with their aunt. he's autistic and i kind of find it hard to interact with him and being around him generally gives me anxiety.
anyways, my husband and i planned to go on vacation and he told me that he would like to take ryan with us to cheer him up a bit after all that he's been through. i declined but he went on about how this isn't a couple's getaway and that he was okay with me bringing my friend with us and asked why he can't bring ryan. i told him that first of, i already stated how i can't handle ryan's autism and also, i've never been on vacation with him and i don't know how he would behave. my husband got offended and called me cruel to think it's ok to exclude his brother who is now so orphan basically just because of slight inconveniences. i told him to drop it but he lectured me about how he's the one paying for it which really irked me because i'd paid for so many things in the past.
his aunt called to give me "stern talk" about this saying that ryan did nothing to me and that it was cruel of me to try to exclude him and ignore my husband's wishes.
we're still arguing about it and my friend thinks that my husband is trying to control me by using the fact that he is the one paying to spring whoever he wants on me on the vacation. | 10,259 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wj806d/aita_not_wanting_my_husbands_17_yo_brother_to/ | 2022-08-08 12:47:02 | yta. the ableism is strong here. and your friend is enabling your bullshit. | yta. kid lost his parent, your friend is coming, husband is paying? yeah.
also, info needed: why does his autism make you anxious? | if i were your husband, i’d leave you at home and take the brother. you’re what he needs a vacation from. | yta, how people treat the disabled says alot about their character. my bro in law is autistic as well and i would never exclude him because he is different and can have small episodes at times. i'm not surprised your husband is mad, you sound like a spoiled child. | yta
the kid (and your husband) just lost their parent ffs. | yta i don’t think your husband is trying to sub you into the idea because he’s paying, he’s obviously angry because he’s trying to do something nice for his brother who he loves, because they’ve been through a tough time. why can’t they go together without you? that’s what i’d do. | info: what about your 17yo orphaned brother in law's autism makes him worth excluding? | yta.
'he's autistic and i kind of find it hard to interact with him and being around him generally gives me anxiety.'
this is a you issue, and one to speak to a therapist about. it's not ok to exclude someone because they have autism. and that is what you are doing.
your husband's comment about paying for the holiday was shitty. but no, he is not trying to control you. he's trying to include his little brother who lost his parents 4months ago. sometimes sucking it up and being kind is the best thing to do.
if you weren't bringing a friend i'd have considered saying nta. | nta. my adult bil is severely autistic and any trip outside of his normal routine would trigger over stimulation. it would be unpleasant for everyone including him to be there. we don't know the extent of your bil's autism, but your feelings should be considered. if care of your bil was not something you signed up for, or are willing to help with, you need to be clear with your husband. this may be a deal breaker for you both. | yta
>i've never been on vacation with him and i don't know how he would behave
you won't find out if you don't go on vacation with him | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | INFO | YTA | NTA | YTA | 0.074074 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: my f25 husband's m27 remaining parent passed away about 4 months ago. he has a 17 yo brother (ryan) who is now living with their aunt. he's autistic and i kind of find it hard to interact with him and being around him generally gives me anxiety. anyways, my husband and i planned to go on vacation and he told me that he would like to take ryan with us to cheer him up a bit after all that he's been through. i declined but he went on about how this isn't a couple's getaway and that he was okay with me bringing my friend with us and asked why he can't bring ryan. i told him that first of, i already stated how i can't handle ryan's autism and also, i've never been on vacation with him and i don't know how he would behave. my husband got offended and called me cruel to think it's ok to exclude his brother who is now so orphan basically just because of slight inconveniences. i told him to drop it but he lectured me about how he's the one paying for it which really irked me because i'd paid for so many things in the past. his aunt called to give me "stern talk" about this saying that ryan did nothing to me and that it was cruel of me to try to exclude him and ignore my husband's wishes. we're still arguing about it and my friend thinks that my husband is trying to control me by using the fact that he is the one paying to spring whoever he wants on me on the vacation. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: my f25 husband's m27 remaining parent passed away about 4 months ago. he has a 17 yo brother (ryan) who is now living with their aunt. he's autistic and i kind of find it hard to interact with him and being around him generally gives me anxiety. anyways, my husband and i planned to go on vacation and he told me that he would like to take ryan with us to cheer him up a bit after all that he's been through. i declined but he went on about how this isn't a couple's getaway and that he was okay with me bringing my friend with us and asked why he can't bring ryan. i told him that first of, i already stated how i can't handle ryan's autism and also, i've never been on vacation with him and i don't know how he would behave. my husband got offended and called me cruel to think it's ok to exclude his brother who is now so orphan basically just because of slight inconveniences. i told him to drop it but he lectured me about how he's the one paying for it which really irked me because i'd paid for so many things in the past. his aunt called to give me "stern talk" about this saying that ryan did nothing to me and that it was cruel of me to try to exclude him and ignore my husband's wishes. we're still arguing about it and my friend thinks that my husband is trying to control me by using the fact that he is the one paying to spring whoever he wants on me on the vacation. [/INST] yta. the ableism is strong here. and your friend is enabling your bullshit. </s> |
AITA for calling my parents assholes for what they did to my birthday | i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)
this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life.
well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should. | 25,195 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kjoql2/aita_for_calling_my_parents_assholes_for_what/ | 2020-12-24 23:08:49 | nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid? | nta. your family sucks, they really suck. why talk to them still? | nta
> my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or **have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree)**
the shit is this? i thought they were going to say have christmas on christmas day and have your birthday on boxing day, not make it one or the other.
> if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family.
the rules of this sub prevent me from calling your parents what they really are. i have to settle for twisted assholes but they are so much more. and the fact that your extended family apparently can't see that either is beyond messed up.
> well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood.
good for you! you blew up because you've put up with their shit for far too long.
> it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise.
did your brothers get a birthday and a christmas? if yes, tell them to shut their hypocritical asshole mouths. and your auntie has participated in this shit show your whole life, she gets no opinion.
> and it’s christmas so i feel like i should.
not if you choose it's your birthday, apparently.
you said what needs to be said. stick to your guns. oh, also, happy birthday and merry christmas! | nta your parents are assholes.
happy birthday | nta.
who the hell does that? almost cartoonishly evil.
do they twirl their moustache and/or pet a big white cat? do they spend a lot of time in the completely remodeled basement filled with technology and laser sharks where you are not allowed?
oh, in my time zone it just became christmas:
happy birthday and merry christmas!!! | nta
they want you to apologize. then apologize. but do it like this.
i'm sorry i was born on christmas. i guess i should have picked a different day to come out. even though my choices were limited when you fucked in late march. | holy shit nta. happy birthday and merry fucking christmas because you deserve both!!. | nta
mums birthday is christmas day, she's like the queen and has 2 birthdays, gets gifts and happy birthday along with christmas on 25th dec and then a day in the year of her choosing where she gets a "yes day" she wants it she gets it. she's 70 this year.
grandad made it known she gets 2 gifts 1 birthday and 1 christmas. they soon realised he was serious when he stopped buying the cousins gifts for 12 months.
they wanna play this game? play the rules. you don't get birthdays they don't either | nta. as the mother of a christmas eve child, your family sucks, your mother in particular. please don’t ever celebrate her birthday again, because after all she chose to celebrate christmas. | what the hell??? nta at all! it’s not your fault you were born on that day and like you said, it wasn’t even a “i want more presents issue” it’s not hard at all to acknowledge both holidays. even if they did your birthday on the 26th why wouldn’t they also let you do christmas? everyone else gets both just bc their parents screwed the right time of year to avoid christmas. you shouldn’t be punished for when your parents decided to hook up. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) was one of those kids who was born on christmas day. which i wouldn’t have minded at all if my parents treated this normally for example my friends boyfriend was also born on christmas and he said his parents would do his birthday in the morning and christmas in the afternoon and i wouldn’t have minded that at all. however my parents said it was greedy to have two celebrations on one day so i had to choose between having christmas with everyone else ( my family and extended family) or have my birthday on boxing day and not take part in christmas ( i wouldn’t have any presents or the chocolates and stuff everyone else would, i wasn’t even allowed to help with the christmas tree) this was pretty shit, either i had christmas with everyone and wasn’t even wished happy birthday and because we wouldn’t be at school i never got happy birthdays from my friends or i was completely left out during christmas and had a birthday where everyone was still focused on christmas. and if i chose birthday my parents would tell my extended family i didn’t want christmas and if i chose christmas they said i didn’t want my birthday so i didn’t get both from my extended family. it made my childhood absolute hell and ruined holidays for me. my first christmas/ birthday away from home was probably the best day of my life. well cuz of covid my family were talking about doing a zoom call for christmas and my mum said “ well i guess op gets to chose to be part of the christmas call or we call her on boxing day for her birthday “ i don’t know why but i just blew up and called her an asshole and said they ruined my childhood. it’s not like they couldn’t afford it my family is probably in the top 1% of the country money wise and even so i could’ve still taken part in festivities and only had one present. but my brothers are calling me selfish and my auntie says i need to apologise. and it’s christmas so i feel like i should. [/INST] nta. what were they thinking? what are they thinking? why would anyone do that to their kid? </s> |
AITA for not attending my daughters gender reveal for her lizard? | this is literally really stupid but she's really upset about it. so my (48) daughter (23) has a blue tongue skink who she heavily adores. she jokingly refers to it as her daughter, i've found it weird but she says it's because it's the closest thing she'd have to a child and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child. she has decided to remain child free for multiple reasons and i have been very supportive of this decision.
well she recently took her skink to the vet for a checkup and she was excited to find out her skinks gender. afterwards i got a text asking if i'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. she explained it was just a small get together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals).
well i didn't come. i didn't see a point. it's just a lizard and i'm a busy person. she later called me and expressed she was kind of sad i didn't come cuz it'd been a while since i'd seen her but she understood i was busy. i told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. she said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. i told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because i'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real grand daughter.
she got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming i wasn't supportive of her decision to be childfree. i told her she can't possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a grand daughter, she said she didn't expect me too but it was clear i didn't respect her bond with her lizard and her decision, and she just wanted to see me and my reason for coming was hurtful. i told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard, she claimed it wasn't over the lizard and it was a gathering and not even centered around the lizard, but i stick by to what i said. it's ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard.
she hung up and i got a message from her best friend about how i'm an asshole for treating her that way, but i don't think i'm the asshole for not wanting to go to a party for a lizard? | 19,877 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rgdqry/aita_for_not_attending_my_daughters_gender_reveal/ | 2021-12-14 18:24:23 | yta. that’s your grandlizard.
eta it was obviously not just about the gender reveal and your daughter wanted to see you. | ok. so. first off, this is probably the most interesting topic i've ever seen on this sub. i didn't wake up this morning thinking "i hope i get to weigh in on how the social contract relates to gender reveal parties for reptiles" but here we are.
if this was as straight forward as the title suggested, you wouldn't be in the wrong at all. a gender reveal party for a lizard is just...well. it's silly. gender reveal parties in general are silly, this one is double silly. it's fun, it's cute, but it's silly.
however.
your daughter did make it clear to you that she was jokingly hosting a gender reveal party for a lizard. what she was actually doing was hosting a small get together and she wanted you to come over. she made it pretty obvious from the ~~get-go~~ *gecko* that she really just wanted an excuse to have a small party.
so...and i love that i get to use this sentence...
***let's remove the lizard genitals from the situation.***
what your daughter was actually doing was inviting you over to spend time with her, and you declined because you're "a busy person with important things to do." you didn't like that she jokingly called it a gender reveal party, even though it had been made clear that it was just a get together. you took a stab at her choice to be child free (she's obviously not presenting this lizard as your grand daughter, it wasn't necessary to say that you'd come to a gender reveal for an actual baby). basically, you got so hung up on the silly name of the party that you completely ignored the intention and made your daughter feel like crap.
so yeah, yta, but it's not because you won't be there to celebrate the revealing of the lizard genitals. it's just because your daughter wanted to spend time with you, and you brushed her off cats in the cradle style. | yta. your daughter sounds cool tho | >i got a text asking if i'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. she explained it was just a small get together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals).
>
>i told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering
she did, she told you it was a small get together to see people she hadn't seen in a while, with the gender reveal being a joke. your daughter wanted to see you, and you refused because your fee fees got hurt over a silly joke.
you don't have a grand-daughter, and if you carry on acting like this you won't have a daughter for much longer either. yta. | yta
> well i didn't come. i didn't see a point. it's just a lizard and i'm a busy person.
it wasn't for the lizard, it was for your daughter. if you're too busy to do nice things for your family (or apparently even tell them you aren't coming) then just say that. but don't hide behind some ridiculous moral stance of it being "not a real gender reveal"
honestly this whole post just screams "i only give a shit about my kid if she's having babies" and that's pretty vile. | >i told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because i'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real grand daughter.
yta for this. that was pretty insensitive.
sounds like your daughter explained clearly she had the party as an excuse to get together. yes it would have been better for her to tell you that upfront, but you doubling down after the fact was unnecessary.
i like your daughter - she sounds like fun.
edit for clarity: i find op's comment insensitive because it heavily implies she's not okay with her daughter choosing to be human child free. | daughter: "hey, i'm having a pirate-themed party"
op: "i can't go, i don't own a boat" | yta
she made it clear the whole "gender reveal for lizard" was a joke and the party was meant to be just a get-together. why are you so salty about your daughter having sense of humour? | huge yta! at first i was like, ok i get it, she jokes about it being for the lizard. then i got to your updates.
>she claims she's asexual,
you have totally invalidated your 23 year old daughter who knows very well by now who the h@ll she is. your following comment
>i think she just hasn't found the right man (she never dated growing up)
umm hello!!!! she was waiving a huge flag here!! she is asexual! if she came out as lesbian would you say she just has not meet the right man????
next you invalidate her fears of going through the same heart break that yourself went through trying to have other kids from miscarriages to a child who passed after a so short life! not everyone is as emotionally stunted as you that they could speak of those situations so devoid of feeling. i am actually tearing up thinking about what you went through and how in your small mind you wish your own surviving child would go through it as well just to pop out a kid.
get over yourself "mom", and yes quotes, because you do not deserve that title any longer. i hope this shows your amazing asexual daughter that her life is 1000x better with out you in it. also, for your sake op, go get therapy, you need to reconnect with your emotions. | yta. yikes. the joke flew waaay over your head didn’t it. you being hung up about the jokey lizard gender reveal, telling her you would do it for a “real kid” is a low blow. you’re not as comfy with her being child free as you say huh. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is literally really stupid but she's really upset about it. so my (48) daughter (23) has a blue tongue skink who she heavily adores. she jokingly refers to it as her daughter, i've found it weird but she says it's because it's the closest thing she'd have to a child and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child. she has decided to remain child free for multiple reasons and i have been very supportive of this decision. well she recently took her skink to the vet for a checkup and she was excited to find out her skinks gender. afterwards i got a text asking if i'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. she explained it was just a small get together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals). well i didn't come. i didn't see a point. it's just a lizard and i'm a busy person. she later called me and expressed she was kind of sad i didn't come cuz it'd been a while since i'd seen her but she understood i was busy. i told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. she said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. i told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because i'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real grand daughter. she got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming i wasn't supportive of her decision to be childfree. i told her she can't possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a grand daughter, she said she didn't expect me too but it was clear i didn't respect her bond with her lizard and her decision, and she just wanted to see me and my reason for coming was hurtful. i told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard, she claimed it wasn't over the lizard and it was a gathering and not even centered around the lizard, but i stick by to what i said. it's ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard. she hung up and i got a message from her best friend about how i'm an asshole for treating her that way, but i don't think i'm the asshole for not wanting to go to a party for a lizard? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is literally really stupid but she's really upset about it. so my (48) daughter (23) has a blue tongue skink who she heavily adores. she jokingly refers to it as her daughter, i've found it weird but she says it's because it's the closest thing she'd have to a child and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child. she has decided to remain child free for multiple reasons and i have been very supportive of this decision. well she recently took her skink to the vet for a checkup and she was excited to find out her skinks gender. afterwards i got a text asking if i'd come to her gender reveal party she was having. she explained it was just a small get together with cake and food for her friends she hasn't seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals). well i didn't come. i didn't see a point. it's just a lizard and i'm a busy person. she later called me and expressed she was kind of sad i didn't come cuz it'd been a while since i'd seen her but she understood i was busy. i told her she couldn't actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. she said that it wasn't a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone. i told her if that was the case she should've just called it a gathering because i'm not coming to a gender reveal unless it's for a real grand daughter. she got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming i wasn't supportive of her decision to be childfree. i told her she can't possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a grand daughter, she said she didn't expect me too but it was clear i didn't respect her bond with her lizard and her decision, and she just wanted to see me and my reason for coming was hurtful. i told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard, she claimed it wasn't over the lizard and it was a gathering and not even centered around the lizard, but i stick by to what i said. it's ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard. she hung up and i got a message from her best friend about how i'm an asshole for treating her that way, but i don't think i'm the asshole for not wanting to go to a party for a lizard? [/INST] yta. that’s your grandlizard. eta it was obviously not just about the gender reveal and your daughter wanted to see you. </s> |
AITA for refusing to cook dinner for my step mother and her guests after she's been refusing to let me eat the food she cooks? | 16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing.
she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then.
her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery.
they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza.
my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded. | 25,629 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vzq3nf/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner_for_my_step/ | 2022-07-15 14:29:59 | nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem! | nta. you are not entitled.
your father is a real piece of work, too. i cannot imagine marrying someone who would treat my child so badly. i recommend you get away from all of them as soon as possible. (yes, it's what she wants, but is it really worth staying in such a nasty environment?) | [removed] | nta.
she set a precedent in the home, and when it came back to bite her, she got angry. it's unfortunate your dad allows her to say you can't eat food she buys when you're still a minor in his home, and it's even more a shame that after allowing that behavior from her, he expected you to do for her sister's kids what she won't do for you. it's also not your responsibility as the minor in the household to "improve" your relationship with your stepmom who clearly resents you.
it's extremely unfortunate that you don't seem to get along with the spouse of either of your parents.
i think you need to sit down and ask your dad why he has higher standards for you, a teenager than he does his wife, a full grown adult. i'm a stepmom and i most certainly think it's my problem if my stepchild is hungry. i also don't understand why he'd marry someone who is combative and not loving toward you. you are part of him, and she supposedly loves him, so what gives?
i'm not sure what i'd do in your shoes since either parent's home sounds horrible to be in at the moment. shame on your dad for failing to stand up for you though, when you needed it. it was the perfect opportunity for him to tell her that she shouldn't expect you to do for other kids what she won't do for you. the kids got fed, she ordered them a pizza. there was no reason to punish you for not obeying someone who can't treat you properly. she's got some twisted priorities to think feeding her sister's kids is her problem but feeding her stepson is not.
i'm utterly appalled at your dad for allowing her to order you to buy your own food. that's reasonable if you were an adult living in their home, but not as a minor living in their home. i do think i might use her food anyways and ignore her insane position. or sit her down and iron out expectations. i think you need to tell her point blank that she's set the example for you to follow so if she's angry with how you handled yourself, she has herself to thank for your pov. | nta. i will never understand how a parent can allow someone to treat their child like that. | nta. but your mom can't possibly be worse than your dad? you're a kid and providing food for you is a parental duty. if he's letting his wife dictate that you can't have any food she purchases, than he's a trash bag of a human and you deserve better. get the fuck out of there as soon as you can. | nta. your father is the one in the wrong. no one should allow their kid to be treated that way. step is heartless. i would not have done it either. | nta
your step mom refusing to feed you is child abuse, and your father allowing it is enabling child abuse.
you may want to look into emancipation: if you make your own money, and can rent a place to live on your own, you can file paperwork at a courthouse to be considered a legal adult. the details of how to do this vary with jurisdiction. | info: how did your dad sire you when he has no fucking balls? nta. | if your dad is forcing you to buy your own food and not helping you with meals at all; that is very illegal in most states and you might want to inform him of that.
[https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/emancipation-of-minors/how-long-do-parents-legal-obligations-to-their-children-continue.html) | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | null | 0.005167 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
16m here. my dad married my step mom just about a year ago. she didn't want me to live here and wants me gone. i've insisted that i should stay as i don't want to live with my mom (her husband is a piece of work...) so we're always clashing. she announced last month that she wouldn't allow me to eat anything she cooks, or cook anything that she buys and i should arange my own food completely separately (down to the ingredient level, including salt!) because i'm not her problem to deal with. this is annoying but anyway, i can handle it and i didn't want to act entitled so i started buying and cooking my own food. we've been going like this since then. her sister had an accident a few days ago and on the day of the accident step mother texted me in the afternoon saying she's bringing the sister's children over and they'll arrive around midnight, asked me to buy groceries and snacks and make a late dinner for them. i never replied to her and didn't do anything. i have to say that while for a few hours it didn't look good for her sister and had to go into surgery it ended up being successful and she will thankfully make a full recovery. they came, she noticed there's no food and they indeed were hungry so she was angry at me and i told her that it's not my problem to deal with... and she said i'm being a jerk and i said takes one to know one. she ended up ordering pizza. my dad told me that i was out of line and i should have just done what she wanted me to do because it was an emergency, and i should have done a favor for her and it would have gone a long way to improve our relationshiop. i told him that our relationship has always been hopeless because she hated me for no reason so there's nothing i can do that can make her hate me any less and at this point i've accepted it and don't care anymore. he said it's not true and i'm now grounded. [/INST] nta. why is your dad allowing this to happen? you are 16 and living at home, you shouldn’t be paying for your own food. make your dad fix this problem! </s> |
AITA for having a giant painting of myself in my house? | i (29m) had a date (28f) recently at my place as i was cooking for her.
anyway she noticed that in my living room area, there's a huge portrait of myself hung over the fireplace. it's a painting of me in a suit.
she asked me why that's there and i said no reason other than the fact that i like it. but then she asked me whether i was an only child or something and i pointed out i'm actually one of 8 children and come from a large family (8 children including me, lived with parents and grandparents) then she seemed really shocked, because the only other picture in my living room was a pic of me on a motorbike.
i didn't think anything of it until she pointed it out. i met her through one of my friends (29m) and when i spoke to him, he said that the painting thing made me seem like an asshole to her. aita? | 2,315 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9z44i/aita_for_having_a_giant_painting_of_myself_in_my/ | 2019-07-06 21:46:05 | nah. it's a little quirky, and i can't help but imagine you sitting there of an evening with a glass of red wine admiring your pictures of yourself, and if i went to someone's home and discovered this i think they might be in for some light ribbing of this nature, but i wouldn't genuinely think less of them and it really doesn't make you an asshole. | nah. it is weird to only have pictures of yourself in your home, especially a full blown portrait, but it doesn't make you an asshole. | nah. seems kinda weird/arrogant to have a giant portrait of yourself in your living room, but it’s your space, you can decorate it as you see fit. | nta, it's your house and your décor. it does sound like you get your decorating tips from donald trump though. | i mean, nta but that would get a big nope from me as a woman if i saw that on a date. the art people have says a lot about them and that reads as pretty self absorbed tbh. | nah but i can see why your date would be put off by that. | info i don't know if this is the extent of your narcissistic tendencies, so i can't really tell | info: who did the painting? why do you have it?
my wife and i have giant portraits of ourselves hanging up in our house, because a relative painted them for our wedding and they are... so bad. they're a great conversation piece because they're so ugly and unflattering. | nah a giant painting of you makes you look like a narcissist. narcissist is usually seen as an asshole trait and i would nope out of a date with such a red flag. but not all narcissists are assholes and you might not be one. | [deleted] | NAH | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | NAH | INFO | INFO | NAH | null | 0.083333 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (29m) had a date (28f) recently at my place as i was cooking for her. anyway she noticed that in my living room area, there's a huge portrait of myself hung over the fireplace. it's a painting of me in a suit. she asked me why that's there and i said no reason other than the fact that i like it. but then she asked me whether i was an only child or something and i pointed out i'm actually one of 8 children and come from a large family (8 children including me, lived with parents and grandparents) then she seemed really shocked, because the only other picture in my living room was a pic of me on a motorbike. i didn't think anything of it until she pointed it out. i met her through one of my friends (29m) and when i spoke to him, he said that the painting thing made me seem like an asshole to her. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (29m) had a date (28f) recently at my place as i was cooking for her. anyway she noticed that in my living room area, there's a huge portrait of myself hung over the fireplace. it's a painting of me in a suit. she asked me why that's there and i said no reason other than the fact that i like it. but then she asked me whether i was an only child or something and i pointed out i'm actually one of 8 children and come from a large family (8 children including me, lived with parents and grandparents) then she seemed really shocked, because the only other picture in my living room was a pic of me on a motorbike. i didn't think anything of it until she pointed it out. i met her through one of my friends (29m) and when i spoke to him, he said that the painting thing made me seem like an asshole to her. aita? [/INST] nah. it's a little quirky, and i can't help but imagine you sitting there of an evening with a glass of red wine admiring your pictures of yourself, and if i went to someone's home and discovered this i think they might be in for some light ribbing of this nature, but i wouldn't genuinely think less of them and it really doesn't make you an asshole. </s> |
AITA for being livid at my (now) husband? | my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't.
well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita? | 25,486 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uwpjcd/aita_for_being_livid_at_my_now_husband/ | 2022-05-24 12:20:30 | nta
ah, you didn't want a trashy wedding, and you married someone who did. i hope this works out for you. i've never been to a wedding where the bridal couple smashed cake in each other's faces. sounds dreadful. | nta
you: don’t do this one thing
him: does it
you: are livid
him: surprised pikachu face | why do i get the feeling you should already be talking to a divorce lawyer... | nta. you asked for one thing and he didnt listen... what he did was so disrespectful and sets the tone for the rest of your marriage. and he doubled down by saying you're being dramatic instead of apologizing. i'd be livid too! | you should've made a scene honestly.
nta
and instead of apologising telling you, that he stands behind that action is honestly even worse. he does not reget it. he lied to you and did something he know would hurt your feelings and now tells you he still doesn't care.
i honestly don't now where i would go from here. therapy maybe? | what worries me isn't that he did the cake smashing itself.
it is his response back to you.
he should have apologized and listened to you, and really realized his mistake. instead, he diminished your very valid feelings and reasons.
has he apologized yet? for calling you over dramatic?
nta. | this is a variant on the classic "it was just a joke" when the butt of the joke is far from amused.
please consider an anullment. this jackass doesn't have enough empathy to realize the implications of the concept that you, too, are a human being.
nta. | welcome to your future ma'am.
nta. | is it not too late for annulment? nta. | nta
you married a child | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't. well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (33f) husband (30m) and i got married last week. i had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event. because i know sh\*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it's not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests. the one thing that i told my husband i didn't want to happen was i didn't want him smashing cake in my face. i had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, i flat out told him not to do it. i don't think it's funny, i don't want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and i don't want cake on my expensive wedding dress. i told him i would be livid if he did it. he promised that he wouldn't. well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do? smashed the cake in my face! it got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like i knew it would. i'm pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better. i kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception. but afterwards, i let loose on him. i yelled at him that this was the one thing i asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn't. he told me i was being dramatic, that it's not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds. so was i being overly dramatic? aita? [/INST] nta ah, you didn't want a trashy wedding, and you married someone who did. i hope this works out for you. i've never been to a wedding where the bridal couple smashed cake in each other's faces. sounds dreadful. </s> |
AITA for refusing to sell my bar? | i have owned and run a very popular bar in our town for over 10 years now. 5 years ago, unfortunately my wife struggled with alcohol issues. as much as i’d like to say my bar didn’t have a part in it, unfortunately it did. she began spending more and more time at the bar until she was at the bar basically anytime she wasn’t working. she’s now been clean for a year after doing aa and therapy. obviously i avoid talking about the bar at all times and she’s not allowed in the bar (which we both agreed i would enforce quite strictly) unless for special occasions etc. now my wife is suggesting i sell the bar, she says it’s making it hard for her for me to be at the bar nearly every night while she’s at home alone. i sympathise, but unfortunately i simply can’t.
the bar is my baby, i have built it up from nothing and it’s my pride and joy. money isn’t an issue for us, but the bar does provide a nice cosy retirement bonus. my wife will probably retire soon and when she does i’ll consider spending less time at the bar.
so aita for refusing to sell it? | 1,905 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m3d6ic/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_my_bar/ | 2021-03-12 08:16:51 | nah. your wife has got a point in that it must be difficult for her due to the nature of her addiction and the knowledge of where you spend your evenings.
you've got a point because you've built yourself a successful business with your bare hands and shouldn't be made to feel bad or to sell it just because of it's industry. unfortunately in the current climate and depending on where you live, money situations can massively change, almost overnight and one day you might be glad you've got a steady stream of income.
honestly addiction sucks and i'm so glad she's working through it, despite the obvious temptation. so yeah, neither of you is an ah. | nah, her suggesting it wasn't wrong, nor was you refusing to do so. if she pushes the issue, she slides into asshole territory. her therapist should be able to tell her that her triggers are her responsibility to care for, not the world's, and she can't expect you to give up something major like that just because it makes her uncomfortable. | nta. to all the people saying you’re ta:
1.) y’all’ve never *built* a business from the ground up, so straight up quit trying to give him crap advice like y’all understand the absolute shit & dedication you have to have for it, in addition to the literal years, that has to go into it for it to be successful, etc.
2.) y’all’ve clearly never managed nor owned a small business if you think hiring a gm is the solution to this. that shit cost *money*, it’s more than just randomly hiring some manager.
3.) and finally they really don’t understand that being in marriage or any relationship doesn’t mean you have to abandon your passions and that at the slightest upset have to immediately jump to divorce. like grow up especially that user that told him to marry his bar🙄
it doesn’t seem like you don’t want to spend time with your wife op, rather it seems you don’t want to be forced to give up your *years* of hard work, time & dedication over a business you consider your baby. understandably so, you’ve spent a *decade* on it and it is a significant part of both y’all’s lives. i understand where your wife is coming from, addiction is hard, it’s isolating and painful but *your* life doesn’t stop where her decisions lead her. | nta but can you just hire a gm and be home more? seems like a reasonable compromise unless the real question is whether you're an asshole for wanting to spend all of your time there with your sober wife at home. then you might be an asshole. | info: how much time are you and your wife spending together? it sounds like she is at work during the day, and then you are gone at the bar every night? | nta. jesus christ being an alcoholic doesn’t excuse you from being an ah. op clearly loves his bar, that’s understandable given how much work you’ve put into it. she can’t just demand you get rid of your source of happiness because she has an issue. it seems you’ve come to a good conclusion, you stay at the bar and she isn’t allowed to come in. but this isn’t a pugh for her, she needs it to be her way. anyone who can suggest their partner gets rid of their source of happiness because it makes them uncomfortable is an ah. | after i read this story, i wasn't impressed with the idea that you having a bar is somehow a threat to your wife's sobriety. do you come home smelling like alcohol? not because you drink it, but because you're standing for hours on end in an establishment where it's constantly being served.
it might be best for her if she found interests/hobbies, things to occupy her time once she retires so she has something to do while you're at work in your bar.
however, i concede that it's possible i've overlooked something and that this truly is a threat to your wife's sobriety. but thus far, i'm not seeing it.
for now, i vote nah. | nta because it is livelihood but something stands out from your post
> she says it’s making it hard for her for me to be at the bar nearly every night while she’s at home alone
i would say that she needs some social support. **that social support just can't be you alone. it is too much.** people that she can hang out or activities that she can do when you are at work. she can even volunteer !
**it is not your job to occupy her every waking minute when she is bored to prevent a relapse. just a quick reminder not matter the support we provide, there are limits to what we can do to help** *because ultimately each person has to hold their sobriety their own responsibility and must seek help when they are in trouble***.**
if she is really worried about a relapse when she is alone then i would say she need to continue her therapy. her therapist and her can come up with things that she can do. there are also support groups she can call and can participate . i don't know if she will be into volunteering, but it is a really good way to reconnect. giving something back and seeing the benefit of your time and service is something else. then again, something to try. | nta. it is job of your wife to take care of their sobriety. if wife is finding it hard tell wife to go to more aa meetings. they can be done online. you can also suggest your wife take up some hobbies to be occupied. your wife is making their sobriety your problem and that is a red flag your wife must take care of. you want to be supportive of course. telling you to sell your bar is going too far. | info: do you do anything to avoid coming home from the bar smelling strongly of alcohol? | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NAH | NTA | NTA | INFO | 0.047838 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have owned and run a very popular bar in our town for over 10 years now. 5 years ago, unfortunately my wife struggled with alcohol issues. as much as i’d like to say my bar didn’t have a part in it, unfortunately it did. she began spending more and more time at the bar until she was at the bar basically anytime she wasn’t working. she’s now been clean for a year after doing aa and therapy. obviously i avoid talking about the bar at all times and she’s not allowed in the bar (which we both agreed i would enforce quite strictly) unless for special occasions etc. now my wife is suggesting i sell the bar, she says it’s making it hard for her for me to be at the bar nearly every night while she’s at home alone. i sympathise, but unfortunately i simply can’t. the bar is my baby, i have built it up from nothing and it’s my pride and joy. money isn’t an issue for us, but the bar does provide a nice cosy retirement bonus. my wife will probably retire soon and when she does i’ll consider spending less time at the bar. so aita for refusing to sell it? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have owned and run a very popular bar in our town for over 10 years now. 5 years ago, unfortunately my wife struggled with alcohol issues. as much as i’d like to say my bar didn’t have a part in it, unfortunately it did. she began spending more and more time at the bar until she was at the bar basically anytime she wasn’t working. she’s now been clean for a year after doing aa and therapy. obviously i avoid talking about the bar at all times and she’s not allowed in the bar (which we both agreed i would enforce quite strictly) unless for special occasions etc. now my wife is suggesting i sell the bar, she says it’s making it hard for her for me to be at the bar nearly every night while she’s at home alone. i sympathise, but unfortunately i simply can’t. the bar is my baby, i have built it up from nothing and it’s my pride and joy. money isn’t an issue for us, but the bar does provide a nice cosy retirement bonus. my wife will probably retire soon and when she does i’ll consider spending less time at the bar. so aita for refusing to sell it? [/INST] nah. your wife has got a point in that it must be difficult for her due to the nature of her addiction and the knowledge of where you spend your evenings. you've got a point because you've built yourself a successful business with your bare hands and shouldn't be made to feel bad or to sell it just because of it's industry. unfortunately in the current climate and depending on where you live, money situations can massively change, almost overnight and one day you might be glad you've got a steady stream of income. honestly addiction sucks and i'm so glad she's working through it, despite the obvious temptation. so yeah, neither of you is an ah. </s> |
AITA for telling my daughter she doesn't have to share? | my daughter (3) and i were playing in the soccer field at our apartment complex. another older girl shows up (maybe about 5?) and asks if she can play. i ask my kid if she wants to play with this new girl, and she says yes. girls are playing really sweetly, all is going well, i'm enjoying it too. the other girl's older brother (maybe 7 or 8?) comes along and also starts playing, but is kicking the ball rougher than my kiddo would like, and moving too fast for her to participate. she starts crying, so i ask my kid if she wants to keep playing with these kids or play on her own. she says she'd like to play on her own, so i tell the other kids as nicely as i can that we're going to play on our own at another part of the field since my kid is much littler than them, and maybe we'll see them again another day.
the kids get very upset, and tell me they don't have a ball, they don't have anyone else to play with, their mom is too busy to play with them, etc. i'm trying to be as nice as possible, since they are just kids, but after they won't leave me alone, i finally tell them that its my daughter's ball and she gets to choose who she plays with, and that i am not going to talk with them about this anymore.
am i allowing my kid to be a spoiled only child? i want her to learn to share, but she and i were having such a nice time on our own. (the other kids are obviously not the assholes here- they're just kids). | 3,055 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eyao4p/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_doesnt_have_to/ | 2020-02-03 17:39:24 | nah, but it's not "sharing" if they take her toy away from her. you taking her to play elsewhere was appropriate. | nta. you enforced your child's boundaries and that makes you a rockstar. your child is not obligated to share, especially with children who aren't being considerate or gentle of your (much younger and smaller) child | nta. it's super important to teach kids that there are healthy boundaries - when she feels upset or uncomfortable, it's perfectly reasonable for her to remove herself from the situation. it's also not your fault nor hers that the other kids don't have a ball and that their mom is too busy to play with them. you can be sympathetic to that, but you also need to prioritize your own child. | nta.
that's not spoiled. your child was too young to play with the older kids, and it's not your responsibility to provide a ball.
teaching someone to share in no way means that they are required to hand over their property to anyone who asks, nor does it mean that someone else's desire to use their property means that person has the right to do so.
sharing is a choice. a decision. it's not an obligation. | nta and yeah the other parents are kind of, because a 7 year old & a 5 year old shouldn't be sent out to play unsupervised with no toys. | nah. you child is smaller and younger. she could have gotten hurt and definitely wasnt having fun once the older boy showed up. | nah. teaching your kids to politely set boundaries & enforce them isn't spoiling them. however, i would've tried to explain to the older kids 1st that they are playing too rough/fast for a 3yr old an need to dial it back a bit. | nah. if they were beginning to play with her ball in a way that didn’t allow for her to play, then it wasn’t fair to her. did you try asking the kids to play in a way that was more to her level first? that could have been a good lesson for all 3 kiddos. but no, you didn’t have to make your kiddo play with the other kids if she didn’t want to. it’s a weird area in that yes, you want to teach her to share, but you can also teach her to have boundaries and to know she doesn’t have to play with someone she doesn’t want to. | nta - while people should teach their kids how to share, kids should also know it’s healthy to set boundaries. those kids were making it hard to join in, so she has every right to stop playing with them, and take her stuff with her. you were only helping her enforce that boundary. | nta. she doesn't know them, didn't invite them to a playdate and they were excluding her. sharing doesn't mean being a doormat. they weren't sharing the ball with her by playing a way that excluded her | NAH | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NAH | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | 0.009798 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter (3) and i were playing in the soccer field at our apartment complex. another older girl shows up (maybe about 5?) and asks if she can play. i ask my kid if she wants to play with this new girl, and she says yes. girls are playing really sweetly, all is going well, i'm enjoying it too. the other girl's older brother (maybe 7 or 8?) comes along and also starts playing, but is kicking the ball rougher than my kiddo would like, and moving too fast for her to participate. she starts crying, so i ask my kid if she wants to keep playing with these kids or play on her own. she says she'd like to play on her own, so i tell the other kids as nicely as i can that we're going to play on our own at another part of the field since my kid is much littler than them, and maybe we'll see them again another day. the kids get very upset, and tell me they don't have a ball, they don't have anyone else to play with, their mom is too busy to play with them, etc. i'm trying to be as nice as possible, since they are just kids, but after they won't leave me alone, i finally tell them that its my daughter's ball and she gets to choose who she plays with, and that i am not going to talk with them about this anymore. am i allowing my kid to be a spoiled only child? i want her to learn to share, but she and i were having such a nice time on our own. (the other kids are obviously not the assholes here- they're just kids). | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter (3) and i were playing in the soccer field at our apartment complex. another older girl shows up (maybe about 5?) and asks if she can play. i ask my kid if she wants to play with this new girl, and she says yes. girls are playing really sweetly, all is going well, i'm enjoying it too. the other girl's older brother (maybe 7 or 8?) comes along and also starts playing, but is kicking the ball rougher than my kiddo would like, and moving too fast for her to participate. she starts crying, so i ask my kid if she wants to keep playing with these kids or play on her own. she says she'd like to play on her own, so i tell the other kids as nicely as i can that we're going to play on our own at another part of the field since my kid is much littler than them, and maybe we'll see them again another day. the kids get very upset, and tell me they don't have a ball, they don't have anyone else to play with, their mom is too busy to play with them, etc. i'm trying to be as nice as possible, since they are just kids, but after they won't leave me alone, i finally tell them that its my daughter's ball and she gets to choose who she plays with, and that i am not going to talk with them about this anymore. am i allowing my kid to be a spoiled only child? i want her to learn to share, but she and i were having such a nice time on our own. (the other kids are obviously not the assholes here- they're just kids). [/INST] nah, but it's not "sharing" if they take her toy away from her. you taking her to play elsewhere was appropriate. </s> |
AITA for leaving a repairman a bad review for flirting with my wife? | the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night.
a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical.
apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner.
the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.”
eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything.
i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened.
the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife.
he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy.
the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating.
i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding.
on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing.
aita? | 24,379 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i26ptx/aita_for_leaving_a_repairman_a_bad_review_for/ | 2020-08-02 05:09:09 | nta
maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house?
not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything. | nta. they justified his behaviour, then put the blame on your wife for misinterpreting his behaviour. this is such a huge turn off. the company showed you it's views on how its employees are allowed to act. it's gross. leave a bad review!
in fact, think of it this way. by leaving the review, you are helping some other woman, maybe one who is less confident than your wife, not get into a similar situation. | nta. that's not 'flirting', it's harassment and it sounds absolutely terrifying for your wife. then the owner called you and was like 'well, he was drunk at work, so no biggie right??' | nta. he sexual harassed your wife.
what a sucky apology by the company. for that, he deserves a followup bad review. the owner may not have control of how an employee behaves, but he has absolute control over setting standards and deciding who works there. so the owner admits the guy was drunk on the job. then he downplayed the harassment and how your wife felt because it was all a joke? finally, he basically argued how his employees treat customers shouldn’t count as much as doing a technical job. never mind if that customer feels scared and threatened.
you didn’t cause personal problems for that guy. he did by his actions. i think most women would be grateful for the review. who wants to be sexual harassed and feel unsafe in their homes so the ac works?
if the company wants a better review, they need to hire better people. | nta.
1. why would they send even a marginally intoxicated tech to fix anything? that's a major liability issue from the moment he gets in his vehicle.
2. how is it your fault if an accurate account of this guy's behavior causes him personal problems? if my husband hits on a customer and the customer complains and i leave him, that's my husband fault because his behavior initiated the chain of events.
3. why should any customer need to interpret an employee's sense of humor? while you're working there should be no humor that could, under any circumstances, make me question your motives or intentions. the fact that the company is covering for him speaks volumes about the company's values and lack of basic respect for their customers.
4. since when are google and yelp reviews ever strictly related to quality of work without considering customer service? i'm checking reviews specifically to avoid the company that hires creepy dudes who might drink before work then make female customers uncomfortable with their highly inappropriate comments about spending the night.
this dude can gtfo here with his bullshit. leave that review up so young single women especially know what they're walking into before they call this place. | nta! no wonder your wife was so upset. he was way out of line. that’s actually terrifying. joking or not, that’s a nightmare scenario. a guy in my house, stepping outside his professional capacity to make comments about my body and make a point to mention that he knows i’m alone? it doesn’t matter how he intended it to come across, the result was she felt genuinely threatened.
and he was drunk on top of that! good lord. his boss is an ah too for trying to defend it. “misinterpreted” my foot. | nta- but i would have let the owner know that he just admitted to dui and you were gonna inform the police. | info: the fuck is up with calling this flirting?? the man harassed her in her own home until she was terrified! | nta. reviews are not just about the end results. customer service is a big part of any business. what happened was inappropriate. the fact the owner didn't take the incident seriously makes me think the review is very much needed. | used to have a kitchen business. we used a particular electrical contractor until we had 2 complaints in quick succession about one of their employees hitting on the female clients. a call to the company resulted in the owner saying "he is just going through a tough time because his girlfriend left him and yes, we will still be using him for your jobs."
no you won't because you aren't getting any more jobs off us! owner was pissed he lost our business because of this but his own fault - he had other employees he could have sent. we were sending over $100k a year his way until this happened. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | null | 0.00388 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night. a company we’d used before without issues sent a guy over. he fixed the air conditioner no problem, but once he’d left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife, who was hysterical. apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements. she made it clear she wasn’t interested without being outright rude because she didn’t want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner. the tech kept trying to put moves on her, then after he’d fixed the a/c, he didn’t leave right away, trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could “spend the night to make sure she was safe.” eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left, but the whole thing just really freaked her out, having some guy in the house who didn’t leave when asked and everything. i was pissed to hear about all this, and she was shaken up by the incident, so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened. the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night, not expecting to be called out to an emergency job, and that “his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted” by my wife. he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming onto a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy. the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business, not a bedside manner business, and that they did fix the air conditioner, so deserved a higher rating. i told them our review stands, and they basically said we were assholes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding. on the one hand, they did fix the air conditioner, and that’s what we called them to do. on the other hand, i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them, even if it was a one time thing. aita? [/INST] nta maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house? not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything. </s> |
AITA for telling my parents they were bad parents to me? | i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am.
the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention.
i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here? | 26,376 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqg77y/aita_for_telling_my_parents_they_were_bad_parents/ | 2021-01-04 19:45:20 | nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you.
there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth.
**edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation. | nta. your parents abused you. they had this coming.
i hope you find a better life and better family out there. | nta, any chance you can move now? | **nta**
neither your mom nor your dad wanted to hear the truth. they know you are right and want you to apologize for their abuse of you. as you said, they never wanted to listen to anyone who told them other than what they wanted to hear; and that includes you granddad.
do not back down. if either brings up the idea of apology again, ask them when they are going to apologize to you for depriving you of a having a life of your own. do exactly what you did here -- detail the myriad ways they have consistently ignored you to make your manipulative brother happy.
move to be with your grandparents as soon as you can and when possible, start some counseling/therapy to put dysfunction behind you. | > i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him?
<looks left>
<looks right>
yep - that about sums it up - well done! nta | nta, have an excellent time in college! | nta. your parents made the universe revolve around your brother and now they want you to play into a silly fantasy where they didn’t do that.
think about it this way, you have demonstrated that your parents are easily manipulated, selfish, and foolish. would you really trust their judgment on whether they are owed an apology? | nta, my twin sister is severely autistic (sounds more severe than your brother) but it’s largely the same - she plays them like a fiddle, the whole world stops if she even vaguely suggests doing something. example, we went for a weekend away and didn’t do even one of the activities i proposed, just sat on the beach in the rain because she’d said she wanted to go swimming, when i walked away to do my own thing, i was the ah for not wanting to spend time with the family. my mum would continually tell me i should get a job from 16-18, but then not let me because i needed to be around after school or at the weekends to be around if my sister needed. it was so frustrating, and you’re nta for that frustration coming out.
when i moved cities for university, my relationship with my parents improved so much. i stopped being a third parent to my sister and just became another adult, who actually got to be her sister. removing yourself from that role will do wonders for your mental health, and your family will adjust. you deserve your own life and all the experiences that come with it. don’t forget that, keep your head down and look forward to what’s to come. | nta
you said what needed to be said. you need to live your own life. | nta -
i am so sorry. it is really hard being the sibling of a disabled sibling sometimes. i, too, had to give up a lot, but their expectations of you are beyond extreme. enjoy college. hopefully, this hard truth and time apart will allow your parents to reflect on how they treated you and they can attempt to try and mend their relationship with you on your terms. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) have an autistic brother (20m). he’s fairly manipulative because he realized pretty quickly that the threat of a meltdown would get him his way every single time. he is considered high functioning by medical personnel, but he’s got my parents convinced he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing, and they don’t ever punish him. doctors have told them that he understands and that he knows what he’s doing. they think they know better. they also expect me to revolve my entire life around him. i was never able to do anything i wanted because it upset his routine. i wanted to play a sport, nope his routine. i wanted to get a job? nope, his routine. friends? yeah forget about that. i tried not to be resentful, but i am. the problem: my parents are flipping out because i plan to move several states away and in with my grandparents soon to attend school. they keep trying to guilt me into staying because of my brother. i usually just say that i’m sorry that they feel that way, but i’m still going. well here’s where i might be the asshole. my mother was going on and on about how the world doesn’t revolve around me and how i was being really selfish and how i was going to ruin my brother by doing this. how they’d always been the best parents they could be to both of us and we both got equal attention. i got frustrated and told her that she was delusional if she thought she or my father were ever good parents to me. they made my life revolve around my brothers, i had nothing of my own, he had to be the center of everything. i said he wasn’t the center of the universe even though she tried to make him it. i told her that the only people who were selfish were her and my father because they actively ignored me in favor of babying my brother who played them like a fiddle to make sure he always got his way. i told her that his routine was not my problem, that it was up to them to make the appropriate adjustments, and asked if she really thought i’d just not live my life because of him? she started crying and i walked off and shut myself in my room. my father is demanding an apology for what i said, but i’m refusing. my grandpa said he’s proud that i stood up for myself, but my parents are still demanding an apology for being an asshole. i don’t think i need to give them one. aita here? [/INST] nta. high 5, virtual applause and standing ovation. i was literally fist pumping reading what you told your mom. good for you. there is nothing to apologize for. you told her the truth. **edit** wow! i didn't expect my comment to blow up like this. thanks everyone for the upvotes and rewards. i am just a redditor who really felt for op's situation. </s> |
AITA for "forcing" my stepdaughter to go to my wedding | i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated).
our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over).
my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves.
when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house.
aita? | 7,501 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnrd21/aita_for_forcing_my_stepdaughter_to_go_to_my/ | 2021-12-24 17:57:34 | yta. for everything.
he bought you an apartment while still with his wife and you're trying to play innocent? just because you weren't sleeping together yet doesn't mean there wasn't emotional infidelity going on. your hands are not that clean, so stop pretending they are.
and of course she wants to leave your house, you're giving off serious evil stepmother vibes here. | there is a whole lot missing from this story. a person doesn't buy an apartment for someone without there being some relationship activity. also, wtf did you schedule your wedding to fall on the ex's bday?
yta. you are being very manipulative and she called you on it. | yta
she wants to be with her mom. she is also right, using the car as a carrot/stick is vindictive and will lead to more drama, and further resentment of you. | esh.
her behavior may be terrible but...
why are you spending so much time discussing race when it's not relevant to the post?
>our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday.
this is such an incredible fuck you to the ex. moreover, it set up a situation where lea would be forced to choose between her mom and her dad.
you try to play yourself as the innocent aggrieved party here but the above points suggest you and will are not as innocent in all this as you let on. | yta
there is so much wrong here. telling her it’s going to be her dad’s happiest day? what about the birth of her? he got you an apartment while still married. yet “nothing was happening”. i call bs and so does the daughter.
did you investigate the allegations against your brother? or just assume he was innocent because you don’t like the daughter?
this whole situation is despicable. you’re awful and are pushing this girl further and further away. i hope the father shapes up and chooses his daughter over his sugar baby before it’s too late. | why did you schedule your wedding the same day as his ex’s bday? you should’ve thought that through a lot more. should’ve chosen a different date. | yta. you planned your wedding for her mother's birthday, refuse to let her make her own choice about which to attend, and are trying to strong-arm her into going to a wedding she doesn't want to be at by making her birthday gift conditional (gifts are never supposed to have strings attached - that is what makes them gifts).
also, she is clearly very troubled - has anyone ever gotten her into therapy to try to help her?
and, most importantly, do you know for an absolute fact that your brother didn't do what she accused him of? because, if there is even a remote chance that he did, you are the biggest asshole alive (among other names i can't call you on this sub without getting banned) for not getting her help. | yta.
everything in your post down to she accused your brother of doing something to her and you dismissed it as a behavior makes you ta. your statement about this being her father's "happiest day" was just throwing salt in the wound and you know it. leave her alone. she doesn't like you.
and yes, you at least emotionally cheated. he bought you an apartment while they were still married. | i absolutely do not believe your story of not being involved with the father until after they split. who buys an apartment for someone they’re not involved with? what exactly did she accuse your brother of since you glossed over that part? and of course yta. | yta - you literally said you were "forcing" her.
more importantly, what do you hope to get out of this? this girl is never going to want to talk to either of you again... not the relationship building move you might be hoping for. | YTA | YTA | YTA | ESH | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.000485 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated). our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over). my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves. when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f32) have a daughter (f6), kylie, with my fiance (m39), william. he also has a daughter who is 16, lea. will is black, and his ex is completely black. so, while kylie is mixed, lea is fully black. lea dislikes me because she believes i ruined her parents' marriage (his ex cheated, we didn't do anything until they were separated). our wedding is on the day of his ex's birthday. it is also the day that will is supposed to have lea. lea wants to skip the wedding in favor of her mother's birthday vacation. i told her her mom's birthday comes every year and that our wedding will only happen once and that one day she will regret missing her dad's happiest day. she threw me out of her room and told me that my wedding meant nothing to her and that i was a white trash homewrecker (her family is very wealthy, and i was struggling—will bought me an apartment while they were still married, but nothing happened until after they were over). my fiance and i decided to "force" her to go to the wedding. we got her a car for christmas. we decided to change it from a christmas gift to a birthday gift since her birthday is after the wedding. if she decides to go to the wedding, she will get the gift. if she doesn't, we will keep it for ourselves. when we let her know, she called me a vindictive bitch and said she would rather walk barefoot every day than go to my wedding in "some stupid car." i feel guilty, but lea has been such a problem child since me and her father started dating. she's extremely talented at cooking but refuses to help me cook the food. she accused my brother of doing something so vile that it makes me sick to think about it (it was not s/a), and she constantly leaves the house to go to her boyfriend's or back to her mother's house. aita? [/INST] yta. for everything. he bought you an apartment while still with his wife and you're trying to play innocent? just because you weren't sleeping together yet doesn't mean there wasn't emotional infidelity going on. your hands are not that clean, so stop pretending they are. and of course she wants to leave your house, you're giving off serious evil stepmother vibes here. </s> |
AITA for not paying for not paying for my gf’s son anymore? | i’ll try to keep this short. i’ve been with my gf coming up on a year november. she has a 15 year old son. when we first got serious i tried my best to bond with him, but he had no interest in it.
a few weeks ago both of them were staying with me and while she was at work he gave me a really hard time. he even broke a small statue i had (on purpose i think) and when i told him to go sit in the living room he told me he didn’t have to listen to me and went outside. when my gf got home i told her about it and she said that he had a point and to leave punishment up to her.
since then i’ve had the opinion that if i can’t have a say in how he acts then he is 100% her responsibility. i’ve told her that if she and him comes to my place and she leaves she needs to hire a sitter. i’ve also stopped paying for meals when we all go out to eat. instead of paying the whole bill i have it split and pay for mine. i don’t make attempts to plan stuff he might enjoy as well.
it’s only been a few weeks but it’s causing a lot of fights. i feel like i’m just standing up for myself though and setting some boundaries. she’s right, he is her son. | 8,669 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dbbqwy/aita_for_not_paying_for_not_paying_for_my_gfs_son/ | 2019-09-30 13:42:55 | esh.
you're being immature, just talk to her about it and agree on the boundaries going forward
she should be setting boundaries with her son and teaching him to not be disrespectful in someone else's home.
the kid should apologise for any damage. | well it's a double edge sword . hes in your house it's your rules. hes not your responsibility. but those actions will probably make you single at the same time. i'm on your side but good luck | nta. but, instead of worrying about how your bonding with the son is working out you might want to rethink the entire relationship. this situation sounds toxic but she can't expect you to play dad on everything except the authority to punish him when he's actually done bad.
if she says you have no authority over him i think you are correct in not going out of your way to take care of him when she's not supporting you at all. 15 isn't a toddler and she's helping to create a monster for when he becomes an adult. | so let me get this straight...he doesn’t respect you or your home? what does your gf do after you tell her what’s been going on?
nta | nta but let's be honest. this relationship is circling the drain | esh - don't get me wrong, he's being a jerk - but guess what, he's a surly teenager and you're "not my parent!"
she needs to support you as a parent in this child's life if she is expecting you to be supportive of him. particularly if he is the kind of kid who needs a babysitter at 15 (mine does, but mine has some pretty serious emotional health issues that mean he's not safe by himself, so when i leave him with my boyfriend, the expectation is that my boyfriend will be an adult and that includes setting basic boundaries and punishments, leaving the long-lasting things like grounding to me, but knowing i'll have his back with the need for things like time-outs).
that being said - you date a woman with a kid, you accept the kid as well as her, and if you want her to be your family, or treat you like family, you accept her kid as family, even if he is being a little shit. guess what - all teenagers are little shits. you take a kid whose parents split and whose mom is settling into life with a new partner, and you get a super-duper shit. you're supposed to be the adult relationship with the kid.
both you and your girlfriend are being immature in this, and he's just being a teenager, so.. maybe he's the least asshole-ish in this situation. | ~~yeah esh and i~~ changed to yta based on your other responses. i think you need to take a hard, hard look at if you can date someone with a kid. if you want to be with this person then you have to accept the kid is a package deal. if you cannot accept that then you need to end it. being with a parent means being a coparent and there is no way around that. this kid is fifteen and you've only been with his mom for less than a year. that's not a lot of time to accept the authority of another adult. i was a shit at fifteen, you were probably a shit at fifteen. that's fifteen year olds. don't date someone with a teenager if you can't handle teenager attitude. i think the three of you need to have a conversation about boundaries and such but kids are complicated and while they need to learn manners and coping techniques clearly so do you.
editing this to include his response to futher questioning
> she’s 38 and not super attractive. she should be a little more worried about losing me. and she hasn’t broken up with me since i stopped paying so it seems like she knows she’s not going to do better. if not i’ll survive. i’m not the one working at family dollar with a kid to support.
this guy does not want a relationship. he wants someone that he feels like he can control. he has expressed disgust for her appearance, her parenting, her job, her lifestyle. he stays with her because he feels like he has all the power and that's how he likes it. he also called single mothers 'undateable' and accused them of being 'entitled harpies' | esh. you are her bf and they don't live with you (if i understand correctly). it is completely reasonable for her to not want you to discipline her child. however, if she doesn't deal with him in a way that you find acceptable when he is in your home, with your things then you have the right to set boundaries such as he isn't allowed to be at your house unattended. however you do realize that you are acting in a petty, passive aggressive manner about the not paying for either of them, especially if its related to one incident in which you aren't even sure was on purpose. adults discuss issues and determine a solution that is mature and works for everyone (meaning you and her together). while you are within your rights to not pay for her son or her, please come to that conclusion after a discussion with her. it seems you are doing it to force her to allow you to discipline her child. | esh
you and your girlfriend need to have a serious talk about your relationship and what role (if any) you will take in her son’s life. i’m hesitant to say the son sucks because honestly it sounds like he’s just a teenager acting out in a situation that he’s been pushed into without any discussion of boundaries or appropriate behaviour.
your girlfriend sucks for pushing you all into this. you suck because your behaviour is incredibly petty and immature and not how i would expect an adult man to behave. you further suck because of your comments on this post - it’s not about you paying for everything, it’s about you purposefully excluding him and refusing to make any more effort. you cannot be in a relationship with someone who has a child and act like this. you both need to grow up. | nta, saying leave the punishment up to her but you just told him to sit in the living room? if he can't even do that i think that's more of a fuck you i don't have to listen to you move and she's gotta see that he's acting out. i personally would sit her down and ask her what role you have, and what the responsibility is on your part. if she says its her son keep ur mouth shut and opinion to yourself, split those bills ! and hire a sitter like you suggested | ESH | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | NTA | 0.517608 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ll try to keep this short. i’ve been with my gf coming up on a year november. she has a 15 year old son. when we first got serious i tried my best to bond with him, but he had no interest in it. a few weeks ago both of them were staying with me and while she was at work he gave me a really hard time. he even broke a small statue i had (on purpose i think) and when i told him to go sit in the living room he told me he didn’t have to listen to me and went outside. when my gf got home i told her about it and she said that he had a point and to leave punishment up to her. since then i’ve had the opinion that if i can’t have a say in how he acts then he is 100% her responsibility. i’ve told her that if she and him comes to my place and she leaves she needs to hire a sitter. i’ve also stopped paying for meals when we all go out to eat. instead of paying the whole bill i have it split and pay for mine. i don’t make attempts to plan stuff he might enjoy as well. it’s only been a few weeks but it’s causing a lot of fights. i feel like i’m just standing up for myself though and setting some boundaries. she’s right, he is her son. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ll try to keep this short. i’ve been with my gf coming up on a year november. she has a 15 year old son. when we first got serious i tried my best to bond with him, but he had no interest in it. a few weeks ago both of them were staying with me and while she was at work he gave me a really hard time. he even broke a small statue i had (on purpose i think) and when i told him to go sit in the living room he told me he didn’t have to listen to me and went outside. when my gf got home i told her about it and she said that he had a point and to leave punishment up to her. since then i’ve had the opinion that if i can’t have a say in how he acts then he is 100% her responsibility. i’ve told her that if she and him comes to my place and she leaves she needs to hire a sitter. i’ve also stopped paying for meals when we all go out to eat. instead of paying the whole bill i have it split and pay for mine. i don’t make attempts to plan stuff he might enjoy as well. it’s only been a few weeks but it’s causing a lot of fights. i feel like i’m just standing up for myself though and setting some boundaries. she’s right, he is her son. [/INST] esh. you're being immature, just talk to her about it and agree on the boundaries going forward she should be setting boundaries with her son and teaching him to not be disrespectful in someone else's home. the kid should apologise for any damage. </s> |
AITA for not wanting my husband to touch my (pregnant) belly? | i am currently pregnant with my fourth/fifth (and last) children. during my prior pregnancies, i would always let my husband touch/kiss my belly and talk to my belly as much as he wanted, but something about it this time makes my skin crawl. i think it is because i feel so touched out since we have three little ones all under the age of five who need a lot of physical interaction each day and who also want to touch my belly. i spend the whole day with them and then my husband comes home and immediately wants to touch me also. i am glad in a way that he does, but that really is the last thing i want each night.
i also am struggling with him touching my belly, i think, because i am starting to feel like a brood mare, so when he focuses more on my belly than on me then it reinforces that thought. for example, he'll want to kiss my belly before he kisses me, and that makes me feel less like a person and more like an object.
i should also add that i wonder if partly this is subconscious resentment. i originally wanted three kids, but my husband persuaded me to have one more which turned out to be twins. and this pregnancy has been so much harder than any of my others.
my husband has been very upset about this because he thinks i am denying him the ability to bond with his children, and in some ways i agree. but right now i just don't feel comfortable with anyone other than my kids touching my belly.
aita for not wanting my husband to touch/kiss my belly? | 2,269 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ddrhf4/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_to_touch_my/ | 2019-10-05 18:50:34 | nah. you may want to talk to someone. your feelings are not unwarranted or anything but they might turn into post partum depression following the pregnancy. i only say that having had a similar experience and struggled after the birth. i also understand being "touched out" as i have 4 kiddos myself. i don't think you're in the wrong or anything, i just think you might feel better if you talked out your feelings with someone, and you may get some advice on how to tell your husband how you're feeling, too.
congrats on the babies! i know you're going to be great with 5 kids! and i promise it gets better!! | nta. touch aversion when you’re pregnant is 100% a thing. i feel like you need to address this resentment before it gets worse though. if couples counselling is possible, i totally recommend it. i know that might be hard with three little ones and another two on the way but you don’t want to carry that resentment over and have to deal with it in between caring for five children.
maybe set some specific time aside every week for him to have ‘tummy time’ with the twins and ask that he greet and address you first rather than your belly when he comes home? and with your other kids, it’s okay to let them know, “mummy’s belly needs a rest right now but i’ll let you touch it and feel the babies moving later. let’s do a puzzle or watch a movie instead now.” | nta
i grappled with this for a few minutes. if he simply wanted to do it and you said no, i would say nah. i’m saying nta because he’s acting like he’s entitled to touch you just because you’re carrying his child. he’s not.
i only have one child and i’m feeling touched out these days. i don’t think you need therapy for it (unless you want it) but if you’re starting to feel like a brood mare, you should give yourself a long break before you have any more. | info: have you told him everything you said here about why it makes you unhappy? | nta op, it’s your body. being pregnant with his kids doesn’t entitle him to touch you whenever he wants. same applies for when you’re not pregnant... you are allowed to tell people to not touch you, you are allowed to not like being touched; it doesn’t make you a bitch or a bad person. i’m honestly shocked by some of these judgment calls. even the nah. | nah
tell him that you get touched all day, that you are more tired than with the first three and feel that your body has been overtaken by the two precious little moochers residing within.
tell him that it would help that when he comes home from work if he would look into your eyes and greet you tenderly, then play with the 3 kids for 45 minutes while you close your bedroom door and stretch out alone.
bless you, him and your little ones! | not sure if i have much say as an 18 yr old guy, but i'm my opinion nah. you both have every right to feel the ways you feel. i could go on and on about every little part of this post and why it's okay in its own way, but at the end of the day it's your body. if you're uncomfortable with all the attention on your belly then its his responsibility as your husband to respect that. i think this would be best resolved with sitting down and having a long talk so that every angle is looked at, but like i said at the end of the day, your belly not his. | nta, he's gonna have to get over it and actually treat you like his wife over the vessel that provides him children. | nta. currently pregnant with first child. hate being touched. i feel bad for my poor husband but it makes my skin crawl. | nta - at some point, a woman knows when she is ready to stop having children. you had reached that point but out of consideration for your husband’s feelings decided to have another. the universe played a nasty trick on you and you are having twins. because you lovingly did this for your husband, lovingly sit down with him and tell him that this pregnancy has been more difficult than the previous ones as you are carrying two, that you are exhausted and can’t help but feel a little (yes i know - a lot) resentful that when he comes home he is making another demand on your body. i love the idea of getting the nanny early so that you can rest. i had a friend who with the birth of her fifth child rented a hotel room for a week so she could bond with the little one without feeling that she was being torn by needing to give the others attention. perhaps you have a relative who could watch the other children after you deliver and you and your husband could spend a few days alone with the twins bonding. that way you guys would have a chance to get the twin thing going between you before adding the older three into the mix? btw talk to your ob-gyn about making this the last pregnancy at the time you deliver so you won’t be talked into another. | NAH | NTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.020963 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am currently pregnant with my fourth/fifth (and last) children. during my prior pregnancies, i would always let my husband touch/kiss my belly and talk to my belly as much as he wanted, but something about it this time makes my skin crawl. i think it is because i feel so touched out since we have three little ones all under the age of five who need a lot of physical interaction each day and who also want to touch my belly. i spend the whole day with them and then my husband comes home and immediately wants to touch me also. i am glad in a way that he does, but that really is the last thing i want each night. i also am struggling with him touching my belly, i think, because i am starting to feel like a brood mare, so when he focuses more on my belly than on me then it reinforces that thought. for example, he'll want to kiss my belly before he kisses me, and that makes me feel less like a person and more like an object. i should also add that i wonder if partly this is subconscious resentment. i originally wanted three kids, but my husband persuaded me to have one more which turned out to be twins. and this pregnancy has been so much harder than any of my others. my husband has been very upset about this because he thinks i am denying him the ability to bond with his children, and in some ways i agree. but right now i just don't feel comfortable with anyone other than my kids touching my belly. aita for not wanting my husband to touch/kiss my belly? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am currently pregnant with my fourth/fifth (and last) children. during my prior pregnancies, i would always let my husband touch/kiss my belly and talk to my belly as much as he wanted, but something about it this time makes my skin crawl. i think it is because i feel so touched out since we have three little ones all under the age of five who need a lot of physical interaction each day and who also want to touch my belly. i spend the whole day with them and then my husband comes home and immediately wants to touch me also. i am glad in a way that he does, but that really is the last thing i want each night. i also am struggling with him touching my belly, i think, because i am starting to feel like a brood mare, so when he focuses more on my belly than on me then it reinforces that thought. for example, he'll want to kiss my belly before he kisses me, and that makes me feel less like a person and more like an object. i should also add that i wonder if partly this is subconscious resentment. i originally wanted three kids, but my husband persuaded me to have one more which turned out to be twins. and this pregnancy has been so much harder than any of my others. my husband has been very upset about this because he thinks i am denying him the ability to bond with his children, and in some ways i agree. but right now i just don't feel comfortable with anyone other than my kids touching my belly. aita for not wanting my husband to touch/kiss my belly? [/INST] nah. you may want to talk to someone. your feelings are not unwarranted or anything but they might turn into post partum depression following the pregnancy. i only say that having had a similar experience and struggled after the birth. i also understand being "touched out" as i have 4 kiddos myself. i don't think you're in the wrong or anything, i just think you might feel better if you talked out your feelings with someone, and you may get some advice on how to tell your husband how you're feeling, too. congrats on the babies! i know you're going to be great with 5 kids! and i promise it gets better!! </s> |
AITA for choosing a football game over a wedding? | so my wife's friend has a wedding coming up this sunday that is a few hours away from where we live. the bride is a close friend of my wife's from college but i've only met her a handful of times and to be honest she kind of sucks. when we rsvp'd a year ago i wasn't exactly thrilled to be traveling three hours and spending hundreds of dollars for someone i don't even really like.
the other thing is that when i rsvp'd a year ago the nfl schedule wasn't out. i know that sounds silly but for anyone who follows football this is a special, special week in sports history because tom brady is returning to play the new england patriots. (for the brits/non sports people: tom brady was the quarterback for the new england patriots for 20 seasons and won 6 "championships" with them. he won a "championship" last year in his first season with tampa bay and has yet to return to new england. until this sunday).
i won't get further into the drama (goat vs rookie qb, the brady/belichick debate) but suffice to say this game is monumental and is going to be quite literally historical. a once in a lifetime game for any football fan and especially for a diehard patriots fan like myself. i can't miss it.
to be honest i totally forgot about the wedding day until a few weeks ago and when i realize the date i was devastated but i didn't know how to approach the wife. i knew it would look bad so last week i reached out to her gay best friend tito and asked if he had any plans for this sunday. he didn't and was actually thrilled at the idea of accompanying my wife as a plus one cause he loves dancing.
so i floated this to her. and she flipped her shit. she told me it was rude and disrespectful and also downplayed the importance of the game just like i knew she would. i told her tito was happy to attend but she just gawked at me then started crying.
i know i \*look\* like the asshole here but am i? i'm not friends with the bride, my wife is, and watching brady growing up has effected my life more than the bride ever has or ever will. i also get that bailing on a wedding costs the bride and groom money so to prevent that i went out of my way to find a replacement. i told my wife she could tell the bride i was sick and nobody's gonna question that these days but she's still livid.
so aita? or am i falling victim to a belief system that simply views football as a stupid game and nothing more? like i said, this game is literally once in a lifetime, something i'd tell my kids about. | 7,524 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pyrskb/aita_for_choosing_a_football_game_over_a_wedding/ | 2021-09-30 20:09:28 | yta
it doesn't matter how much you like this friend of your wife's or how well you know her. this is part of being married. you go to events because you are a good partner, not necessarily because you really want to go yourself.
i'm a huge football fan too, and while this game is historical, it is still just a week ~~3~~ 4 regular season game. if you want to see it then record it and watch it later. there is nothing about it that will be spoiled by not being able to watch it live. | yta - is tom brady going to give a shit about you missing the game? no because he doesn’t know who you are. you made a commitment to your wife and now you’re upset that you jumped the gun and the the wedding happens to be on such a “monumental” day.
>i can’t miss it
you can miss the game, you simply don’t want to because of your view of this friend and her wedding. well guess what, this isn’t about the friend or her wedding, it’s about your relationship with your wife.
also, it’s pretty sly of you to get tito excited for the wedding before even discussing this with your wife.
>i know i *look* like the asshole here, but am i?
yes. you don’t look like anything, you just are the asshole here and you appear to already see that. | yta
dude, i like football too, hell lots of people do, but this whole situation has nothing to do with football or your wife's shitty friend. it's about your wife and your relationship with her. you made a commitment to spend time with your wife that day. what you do is completely irrelevant.
dude, you man the hell up and go to your wife's shitty friends wedding and sit there with a huge shit-eating grin on your face looking like you're having the greatest time of your life. not for you, or for football or for your wife's shitty friend. but for your wife. because you love her and want her to be happy. | individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work. -lombardi
yta. you and your wife are a team. you've pulled your self of the field and put in a sub. the sub is good, but not the dream team. you'd leave her standing in the end zone alone. be on her team. record the game.
edit to say thanks for the awards! 😊 | unless you are playing in this football game, yta. | yta
have you lost your fucking mind | yta. i know you don't care about the people getting married, fine, but your wife does. that is what is important. not to mention you rsvp'd and committed. it's a wedding invitation.
prioritize your marriage and her feelings over some stupid ball-throwing game, dude. | yta, you agreed to go. you knew 10 years ago that a sunday in october was going to have football games on the schedule.
tom brady is not your friend hopefully your wife still is. | yta. you can record the game. it'll be played on tv more than once. it's not like you were going in person. you don't care for or about the bride, but your wife does. why are you so willing for her to drive 6 hours by herself and not have a date at the wedding?
has tom brady affected you more than your wife? | yta for being a patriots fan :p | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my wife's friend has a wedding coming up this sunday that is a few hours away from where we live. the bride is a close friend of my wife's from college but i've only met her a handful of times and to be honest she kind of sucks. when we rsvp'd a year ago i wasn't exactly thrilled to be traveling three hours and spending hundreds of dollars for someone i don't even really like. the other thing is that when i rsvp'd a year ago the nfl schedule wasn't out. i know that sounds silly but for anyone who follows football this is a special, special week in sports history because tom brady is returning to play the new england patriots. (for the brits/non sports people: tom brady was the quarterback for the new england patriots for 20 seasons and won 6 "championships" with them. he won a "championship" last year in his first season with tampa bay and has yet to return to new england. until this sunday). i won't get further into the drama (goat vs rookie qb, the brady/belichick debate) but suffice to say this game is monumental and is going to be quite literally historical. a once in a lifetime game for any football fan and especially for a diehard patriots fan like myself. i can't miss it. to be honest i totally forgot about the wedding day until a few weeks ago and when i realize the date i was devastated but i didn't know how to approach the wife. i knew it would look bad so last week i reached out to her gay best friend tito and asked if he had any plans for this sunday. he didn't and was actually thrilled at the idea of accompanying my wife as a plus one cause he loves dancing. so i floated this to her. and she flipped her shit. she told me it was rude and disrespectful and also downplayed the importance of the game just like i knew she would. i told her tito was happy to attend but she just gawked at me then started crying. i know i \*look\* like the asshole here but am i? i'm not friends with the bride, my wife is, and watching brady growing up has effected my life more than the bride ever has or ever will. i also get that bailing on a wedding costs the bride and groom money so to prevent that i went out of my way to find a replacement. i told my wife she could tell the bride i was sick and nobody's gonna question that these days but she's still livid. so aita? or am i falling victim to a belief system that simply views football as a stupid game and nothing more? like i said, this game is literally once in a lifetime, something i'd tell my kids about. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my wife's friend has a wedding coming up this sunday that is a few hours away from where we live. the bride is a close friend of my wife's from college but i've only met her a handful of times and to be honest she kind of sucks. when we rsvp'd a year ago i wasn't exactly thrilled to be traveling three hours and spending hundreds of dollars for someone i don't even really like. the other thing is that when i rsvp'd a year ago the nfl schedule wasn't out. i know that sounds silly but for anyone who follows football this is a special, special week in sports history because tom brady is returning to play the new england patriots. (for the brits/non sports people: tom brady was the quarterback for the new england patriots for 20 seasons and won 6 "championships" with them. he won a "championship" last year in his first season with tampa bay and has yet to return to new england. until this sunday). i won't get further into the drama (goat vs rookie qb, the brady/belichick debate) but suffice to say this game is monumental and is going to be quite literally historical. a once in a lifetime game for any football fan and especially for a diehard patriots fan like myself. i can't miss it. to be honest i totally forgot about the wedding day until a few weeks ago and when i realize the date i was devastated but i didn't know how to approach the wife. i knew it would look bad so last week i reached out to her gay best friend tito and asked if he had any plans for this sunday. he didn't and was actually thrilled at the idea of accompanying my wife as a plus one cause he loves dancing. so i floated this to her. and she flipped her shit. she told me it was rude and disrespectful and also downplayed the importance of the game just like i knew she would. i told her tito was happy to attend but she just gawked at me then started crying. i know i \*look\* like the asshole here but am i? i'm not friends with the bride, my wife is, and watching brady growing up has effected my life more than the bride ever has or ever will. i also get that bailing on a wedding costs the bride and groom money so to prevent that i went out of my way to find a replacement. i told my wife she could tell the bride i was sick and nobody's gonna question that these days but she's still livid. so aita? or am i falling victim to a belief system that simply views football as a stupid game and nothing more? like i said, this game is literally once in a lifetime, something i'd tell my kids about. [/INST] yta it doesn't matter how much you like this friend of your wife's or how well you know her. this is part of being married. you go to events because you are a good partner, not necessarily because you really want to go yourself. i'm a huge football fan too, and while this game is historical, it is still just a week ~~3~~ 4 regular season game. if you want to see it then record it and watch it later. there is nothing about it that will be spoiled by not being able to watch it live. </s> |
AITA for inviting my sons entire class except for one child because of his autism? | my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david.
the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david.
well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her.
i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita? | 17,998 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dufzum/aita_for_inviting_my_sons_entire_class_except_for/ | 2019-11-10 19:25:48 | yta
look, i understand your concern about the meltdown. but you could have spoken to his parents beforehand about the environment and potential ways to mitigate that; you could have spoken to your son's teacher to see if s/he has advice for how david is in group situations. you don't even know how his behavior may have improved over the past year specifically because of being included socially. this would have been a good chance to teach your son to include people, and instead you taught him it's okay to exclude someone if their disability makes your fun time slightly more difficult. | yta. this happened to my son a lot when he was younger. it's hurtful to deliberately exclude with no warning. for anything my son was invited to i would either go and stay with him, leaving early if needs be, or if i checked out the venue in advance and thought it wouldn't be practical i would decline the invite but say thank you. excluding on the basis of a disability isn't something to teach your child. you could have discussed it with his teachers first if nothing else. | > david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people.
.... yta, and you are showing your son exactly how to discriminate against a special needs person.
there are other avenues you could have taken. you could have talked to david's mother directly and come up with a game plan on if david had an incident at the party. you could even have asked her if it was a good idea to have david there, and if it wasn't, given david the invite anyway and have the mother come up with a reason that david couldn't attend, thus limiting a possible reaction to david's own home.
it's sad that the school is trying to teach your son and his classmates lessons on acceptance and you are throwing that all to the wind. | i don't know if you're the asshole or not.. but i have a feeling you're going to get destroyed on here for this | yta.
several things for you to think about:
1. your son is in the same classroom, so he is the one who has to face this other kid. you're putting your son in an incredibly difficult situation because of that.
1. your son won't be able to avoid people different from him as he grows, so you missed an awesome opportunity to teach him about inclusion, diversity, and how to make accommodations for others' needs.
1. consider if this was a member of your family instead of a classmate. would you also have excluded them or would you have made them feel welcome?
1. there were many options other than just not inviting the child. for instance, you could have reached out to the parents, explained the venue, and asked if their son would need any accommodations to attend. chances are, they may have declined (assuming the loud arcade is an issue), but boy, they would have been *thrilled* to have been asked.
in short, you aren't a terrible person, but you have a lot of soul searching to do and think about how you treat others and how you're raising your child as well. it's not too late to make it right, but you are going to have a lot of work to do to mend this. | yta for three reasons:
1. believing and acting on a rumor about a 10 year old's behavior a year ago
2. inviting *every child but one,* a behavior practically calculated to cause hurt feelings, for anything but very serious reasons.
3. making it clear that your exclusion is based not just on his behavior but on his autism, by titling this post "because of his autism" and spending half the post focused on his special ed history rather than on his actual character or behavior. that brings this out of the realm of mere petty gossiping and into the realm of actual bigotry
you're the asshole, and you should sit down with your kid and explain that you made a big mistake in not inviting this kid, that you're not perfect, and that you'll strive to do better in the futur (as should he).
also, if you throw a birthday party for 10 year olds and one of them has a meltdown, that is not the end of the world. | yta. because only kids on the spectrum have meltdowns? never happens otherwise? kids. party. meltdowns. very rare...right... good you kept that awful weird potentially unseemly kid that has feelings out. we wouldn't want him to taint your home with his cooties. /s/ | yta. you’ve just taught your child to make assumptions about people with disabilities. great job. | yta. how cruel. yeah, it's your party. you can invite who you want. but how fucking cruel. if you don't want the autistic kid to come, then only invite a few kids from the class. but to invite everyone except him? that's monstrous. | 100% yta. if you really cared about david's wellbeing at the party you could have contacted his mother to understand how to help him. his mom's right in saying you can't just assume what's best for david as you've only heard rumors. you're discriminating against this kid and using fake empathy as an excuse for it. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david. the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david. well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her. i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david. the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david. well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her. i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita? [/INST] yta look, i understand your concern about the meltdown. but you could have spoken to his parents beforehand about the environment and potential ways to mitigate that; you could have spoken to your son's teacher to see if s/he has advice for how david is in group situations. you don't even know how his behavior may have improved over the past year specifically because of being included socially. this would have been a good chance to teach your son to include people, and instead you taught him it's okay to exclude someone if their disability makes your fun time slightly more difficult. </s> |
AITA: My wife has asked me to stop drinking. I said no. | so i live in a rural area. i have my own homestead farm that i share with my wife. we have a few acres of land, grow most of our own food, and are not hurting for money.
&#x200b;
my wife and i split our chores for the homestead evenly i like to think. i tend to the goats, pigs, chickens, and ducks. the garden, the field, and the harvest mostly by myself. if we need more hands i hire them. i do all the repairs around the house that i built for us, the electic, the plumbing, the furnace, drilled a few wells, and so on.
&#x200b;
my wife has taken over more domestic duties. she prefers to work more inside the house. she tends to the laundry. she cooks our meals (which are wonderful), she dusts, sweeps, makes all the beds and folds all the clothes. she preserves what's preservable from the garden, cleans the slaughters, makes soap for us and to sell. she is very hard working.
&#x200b;
recently after supper we were sitting in the living room when she asked me that she would like me to stop drinking. i am not a heavy drinker. i have a glass of whisky before dinner and another one before bed. this is how my father drank. this is how his father drank. i have never been a drunk, nor do i have any intention of being a drunk.
&#x200b;
i asked her for a reason and she said that she was worried for my health. my family is very long lived. all of the men on our side have lived to 90 and more. i topld her this and mentioned that i am not a drunk.
&#x200b;
i like to have a drink at the end of a long day. i am in perfect health for my age. i don't smoke. i just want to have a drink when i'm done with my chores.
am i the a--hole? | 547 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c27c01/aita_my_wife_has_asked_me_to_stop_drinking_i_said/ | 2019-06-18 20:22:57 | info. her side of the story probably varies from your take. in my experience, folks who drink daily don’t think it’s noticeable nor do they think they have any issue with alcohol. so it’s possible your wife is putting up with something from you and she hopes you laying off the sauce will even things out. are you confident she’d be honest and able to tell you if it was something other than her worrying about your health? maybe you’re ornery. maybe you smell. maybe try laying off for two months and see if it’s easy since you don’t feel it’s any problem. | info. i feel like there’s something you’re not saying. otherwise this whole story doesn’t make any sense. | info. from your description it sounds like she's probably been worrying about this for a while, and unless she's a very dramatic person, i would guess that she's been seeing things in you that are causing her concern. you both sound very busy so it would be easy to not notice little things in yourself, but your wife probably will, and vice versa.
&#x200b;
i think that you are kind of an asshole for outright saying no and just expecting her to drop the issue when this is something that legitimately concerns her: the health of her husband which i think we can all agree is a good thing to be concerned about. i think you need to have a bigger talk. ask her why she is concerned and don't shut down her worries, but hear her out. talk through why you are not concerned, and if she brings up a novel point to you, tell her "hmm, i will need to think about that some more" and do. communication is critical for the relationship to thrive. it can mechanically if everybody follows whatever rules you have set up in the relationship, but communication is where the life of the relationship lives. | [deleted] | info. i would love to hear her perspective. my husband used to say he drank like you. he didn’t admit how big that whisky was, or that i didn’t care to be around him when he was drinking, or that he made dumb decisions when drinking, or that he drank when he was watching our toddlers. he refused to see how much his “very reasonable 2 beers per night” hurt our marriage. his beers were massive and guzzled on an empty stomach, for max effect. he now admits he is an alcoholic. | nah - she showed concern for your health and you told her you aren’t in any trouble. a glass of whiskey at dinner is no biggie | info
how big are your glasses of whiskey?
do you keep on top of your health in other regards?
what specific concerns did she raise? i cant imagine this was a two or three sentence conversation like "im worried about your health. stop drinking please" "no im actually healthy. " like what worried her? | info. there's something that we're not hearing.
by the way, drinking just before bed sedates you, causes your muscles to relax, increases the likelihood of sleep apnea and ruins your rem sleep, which is vital for consolidation of your memories. maybe she's seeing things that happen while you're sleeping of which you are unaware, or she's seeing changes in you that you are not noticing.
it's been my experience in life that people who get ticked off and defensive when people talk to them about their drinking are usually drinking more than they let on, or the drinking is affecting them adversely and they know it but don't want to accept it.
you need to talk this out with your wife. while sober. | info. what was her response when you gave your reasoning? | info. something is definitely missing from this story | INFO | INFO | INFO | null | INFO | NAH | INFO | INFO | INFO | INFO | 0.14016 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i live in a rural area. i have my own homestead farm that i share with my wife. we have a few acres of land, grow most of our own food, and are not hurting for money. &#x200b; my wife and i split our chores for the homestead evenly i like to think. i tend to the goats, pigs, chickens, and ducks. the garden, the field, and the harvest mostly by myself. if we need more hands i hire them. i do all the repairs around the house that i built for us, the electic, the plumbing, the furnace, drilled a few wells, and so on. &#x200b; my wife has taken over more domestic duties. she prefers to work more inside the house. she tends to the laundry. she cooks our meals (which are wonderful), she dusts, sweeps, makes all the beds and folds all the clothes. she preserves what's preservable from the garden, cleans the slaughters, makes soap for us and to sell. she is very hard working. &#x200b; recently after supper we were sitting in the living room when she asked me that she would like me to stop drinking. i am not a heavy drinker. i have a glass of whisky before dinner and another one before bed. this is how my father drank. this is how his father drank. i have never been a drunk, nor do i have any intention of being a drunk. &#x200b; i asked her for a reason and she said that she was worried for my health. my family is very long lived. all of the men on our side have lived to 90 and more. i topld her this and mentioned that i am not a drunk. &#x200b; i like to have a drink at the end of a long day. i am in perfect health for my age. i don't smoke. i just want to have a drink when i'm done with my chores. am i the a--hole? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i live in a rural area. i have my own homestead farm that i share with my wife. we have a few acres of land, grow most of our own food, and are not hurting for money. &#x200b; my wife and i split our chores for the homestead evenly i like to think. i tend to the goats, pigs, chickens, and ducks. the garden, the field, and the harvest mostly by myself. if we need more hands i hire them. i do all the repairs around the house that i built for us, the electic, the plumbing, the furnace, drilled a few wells, and so on. &#x200b; my wife has taken over more domestic duties. she prefers to work more inside the house. she tends to the laundry. she cooks our meals (which are wonderful), she dusts, sweeps, makes all the beds and folds all the clothes. she preserves what's preservable from the garden, cleans the slaughters, makes soap for us and to sell. she is very hard working. &#x200b; recently after supper we were sitting in the living room when she asked me that she would like me to stop drinking. i am not a heavy drinker. i have a glass of whisky before dinner and another one before bed. this is how my father drank. this is how his father drank. i have never been a drunk, nor do i have any intention of being a drunk. &#x200b; i asked her for a reason and she said that she was worried for my health. my family is very long lived. all of the men on our side have lived to 90 and more. i topld her this and mentioned that i am not a drunk. &#x200b; i like to have a drink at the end of a long day. i am in perfect health for my age. i don't smoke. i just want to have a drink when i'm done with my chores. am i the a--hole? [/INST] info. her side of the story probably varies from your take. in my experience, folks who drink daily don’t think it’s noticeable nor do they think they have any issue with alcohol. so it’s possible your wife is putting up with something from you and she hopes you laying off the sauce will even things out. are you confident she’d be honest and able to tell you if it was something other than her worrying about your health? maybe you’re ornery. maybe you smell. maybe try laying off for two months and see if it’s easy since you don’t feel it’s any problem. </s> |
AITA for being unladylike infront of my husband and farting? | this is going to sound ridiculous, but my husband is convinced i've done something wrong, so i just want to make sure i'm not overlooking something.
my husband (38m) and i (34f) have been married for 5 years. we've had a really successful marriage with few hiccups or significant arguments, but yesterday i was watching tv with him while i was resting my head on his lap when i farted- he asked, "did you just fart...?" i answered yes and he then said "don't do that in front of me. it's nasty and unladylike." i could sort of understand the nasty bit, but it was unladylike...?? in a grumpy mood, he got up from the couch and went into our bedroom by himself. i attempted to speak with him and ask him to express why he was so unhappy, but all he said was that i needed to "learn some respect and act like a real lady around my husband." i'm still confused by what happened, so i'm writing this. aita? | 7,238 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tfyhrd/aita_for_being_unladylike_infront_of_my_husband/ | 2022-03-17 01:22:10 | info
have you informed your husband that women poop? he might be surprised. | oh ! a reddit post from the 1950s, you don't see that every day.
nta. | nta
being a woman doesn't mean you stop having basic human needs, farting is normal and everyone does it. | real quick question op: you married this guy? like, on purpose?
yeah, nta | um. he needs to check himself. nta. my wife hates when i fart, but that’s only because my farts could raise the dead. if she wants to let one rip, she can do so with no permission needed from me. i don’t own her. and he sure as hell doesn’t own you. you don’t need his permission to fart with impunity. let it rip, sister! | nta. farting is a normal, albeit smelly, bodily function and you should feel comfortable to do it in front of your partner without judgement. does he also think “girls don’t poop”? he sounds immature and sexist. | nta. omg, women fart. does he expect you to get up and go into the other room every time you have to fart? does he not fart in front of you? farts happen while you're sleeping. does he expect you not to fart in bed while you're asleep? he needs to get over himself. | you've been married for 5 years... how has this not come up before, like man sounds like a chump tbh. nta | i’m sorry, but what? is this for real? nta, also, run. | i'm assuming you didn't fart on the guy and you had your head on his lap or something watching tv.
nta!
the next time he farts in your presence, which i'm willing to bet he does, inform him that he's being ungentlemanly and leave the room in a huff. | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is going to sound ridiculous, but my husband is convinced i've done something wrong, so i just want to make sure i'm not overlooking something. my husband (38m) and i (34f) have been married for 5 years. we've had a really successful marriage with few hiccups or significant arguments, but yesterday i was watching tv with him while i was resting my head on his lap when i farted- he asked, "did you just fart...?" i answered yes and he then said "don't do that in front of me. it's nasty and unladylike." i could sort of understand the nasty bit, but it was unladylike...?? in a grumpy mood, he got up from the couch and went into our bedroom by himself. i attempted to speak with him and ask him to express why he was so unhappy, but all he said was that i needed to "learn some respect and act like a real lady around my husband." i'm still confused by what happened, so i'm writing this. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is going to sound ridiculous, but my husband is convinced i've done something wrong, so i just want to make sure i'm not overlooking something. my husband (38m) and i (34f) have been married for 5 years. we've had a really successful marriage with few hiccups or significant arguments, but yesterday i was watching tv with him while i was resting my head on his lap when i farted- he asked, "did you just fart...?" i answered yes and he then said "don't do that in front of me. it's nasty and unladylike." i could sort of understand the nasty bit, but it was unladylike...?? in a grumpy mood, he got up from the couch and went into our bedroom by himself. i attempted to speak with him and ask him to express why he was so unhappy, but all he said was that i needed to "learn some respect and act like a real lady around my husband." i'm still confused by what happened, so i'm writing this. aita? [/INST] info have you informed your husband that women poop? he might be surprised. </s> |
AITA for telling my wife “play stupid games win stupid prizes” after she complained about my mom? | my mom can be kind of horrible. my wife and i make the conscience decision not to go no contact. she has a difficult family to and nc isn’t worth it to us. she has always been bitchy towards my wife and my stepbrothers wife when they were married, but she treats the only son in law like a god.
six months ago we all went on vacation and my wife and our then sil were drinking and decided to prank my mother. they egged and floured her, and yes it was immature but i thought it was great. my mom was pissed but everyone in the house was super proud of them.
well sil is out of the picture now and we spent the weekend at my moms vacation house. my wife went to bed early and i was hanging out with my stepbrother. my mom decided it was payback time and poured maple syrup on my wife and then threw a mixture of feathers and glitter at her. i’m less inclined to find this funny, because glitter is the devil, but payback is a bitch.
my wife was hysterical and screaming at my mom. my stepdad told her to grow up and that she started it. my wife wanted me to be made at my mom and i said she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. now she is mad at me for not supporting her. | 4,939 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lcgdjh/aita_for_telling_my_wife_play_stupid_games_win/ | 2021-02-04 14:07:53 | esh. your mom does not sound like the only toxic person here. you and your wife are quick to criticize her but are also happy to enjoy the vacation house. a prank war might feel cathartic in the moment, but it's not going to make things better in the long run. i think everyone needs to take a step back and assess how their own actions are contributing to this dynamic. | esh. all of you have to stop being immature. | so you loved them assaulting your mother, and you loved your mother assaulting her. esh. congrats, y'all deserve each other. | esh, how are you no contact with your mom if you go on vacations with her and use her vacation house? | esh purely because you’re all immature lmao.
cutting a terrible family member out? valid. pranking them like a high schooler? immature. getting mad when you’re staying in a house she owns and she takes revenge? dumb as shit. | i read a very similar post to this this week so my vote is: troll | is there an adult i can speak to? there doesn't seem to be any in this story. esh.
you all need to grow up and act like adults. you all are playing stupid games and ultimately,you all are going to end up with stupid prizes. including you,who will find your stupid prize at the end of a divorce. eggs and flour is one thing,syrup,feathers and glitter is another. what's the matter mom couldn't find some tar? seriously,nc sounds like the best option,but if y'all want to act like children,instead of adults,well,may the best child win. i don't want to hear the crying when someone takes it too far,though. | info: if we asked your wife, "why was it okay for you to prank your mil, but it's not okay for your mil to pull a similar prank on you?" what would she say? | esh. you all sound like immature assholes. | esh. you are all just toxic to each other. | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | null | ESH | INFO | ESH | ESH | 0.048498 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom can be kind of horrible. my wife and i make the conscience decision not to go no contact. she has a difficult family to and nc isn’t worth it to us. she has always been bitchy towards my wife and my stepbrothers wife when they were married, but she treats the only son in law like a god. six months ago we all went on vacation and my wife and our then sil were drinking and decided to prank my mother. they egged and floured her, and yes it was immature but i thought it was great. my mom was pissed but everyone in the house was super proud of them. well sil is out of the picture now and we spent the weekend at my moms vacation house. my wife went to bed early and i was hanging out with my stepbrother. my mom decided it was payback time and poured maple syrup on my wife and then threw a mixture of feathers and glitter at her. i’m less inclined to find this funny, because glitter is the devil, but payback is a bitch. my wife was hysterical and screaming at my mom. my stepdad told her to grow up and that she started it. my wife wanted me to be made at my mom and i said she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. now she is mad at me for not supporting her. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom can be kind of horrible. my wife and i make the conscience decision not to go no contact. she has a difficult family to and nc isn’t worth it to us. she has always been bitchy towards my wife and my stepbrothers wife when they were married, but she treats the only son in law like a god. six months ago we all went on vacation and my wife and our then sil were drinking and decided to prank my mother. they egged and floured her, and yes it was immature but i thought it was great. my mom was pissed but everyone in the house was super proud of them. well sil is out of the picture now and we spent the weekend at my moms vacation house. my wife went to bed early and i was hanging out with my stepbrother. my mom decided it was payback time and poured maple syrup on my wife and then threw a mixture of feathers and glitter at her. i’m less inclined to find this funny, because glitter is the devil, but payback is a bitch. my wife was hysterical and screaming at my mom. my stepdad told her to grow up and that she started it. my wife wanted me to be made at my mom and i said she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. now she is mad at me for not supporting her. [/INST] esh. your mom does not sound like the only toxic person here. you and your wife are quick to criticize her but are also happy to enjoy the vacation house. a prank war might feel cathartic in the moment, but it's not going to make things better in the long run. i think everyone needs to take a step back and assess how their own actions are contributing to this dynamic. </s> |
WIBTA if is miss my GF's father's funeral to attend my best friend's wedding? | throwaway because a few of the people involved are on here. i'll try to keep this short and sweet.
so my best friend since childhood is getting married on saturday. the wedding will be in our hometown, about 4.5 hours from where i currently live. i have tomorrow off and was planning on leaving early in the morning with my gf of 2 years to be home for the rehearsal dinner. i am the best man.
my gf's father had a sudden heart attack on tuesday and unfortunately passed away early yesterday morning. i was upset because i had become somewhat close with him. my gf is obviously devastated. i have barely slept the last 2 days, doing my best to be there for her. my boss luckily allowed me to take the rest of the week off to be with her and her family.
here is the issue: her mother just came back from the funeral home and let us know that the funeral will take place on saturday (showing from 1 to 5, services and burial directly afterwards). i went pale as soon as i heard this and started sweating. i had almost forgotten about the wedding but this sparked my memory.
i turned to my gf and said "that's the day of best friend's wedding". she immediately started crying harder than i've ever seen her. she could barely talk, and her mother and sister started asking if i was really going to leave and go to the wedding. i kinda went blank and didn't know how to answer.
my gf finally was able to get out a "please don't leave me." before she started crying again. i just sat there for a few minutes before getting up to use the restroom (where i currently am).
this wedding has been in the works for nearly 2 years and is something i have been looking forward to. i really feel like i will be the asshole if i go but i wanted another outside opinion. | 9,146 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epnbxq/wibta_if_is_miss_my_gfs_fathers_funeral_to_attend/ | 2020-01-16 18:27:55 | nah - this is an immensely shitty predicament. if it were me, i’d call the best friend and see what his opinion is before making a decision, because he may say “go take care of your girlfriend”, making your decision a lot easier. best man is a serious obligation, as is supporting your girlfriend. if you must attend the wedding, i would let her know you will go to the ceremony and come straight back after the obligatory best man speech. | from personal experience, when my father died my ex wasn’t really there and it definitely ruined our relationship. | if you're serious about this girl, ywbta. i know it sucks, i can't blame you for wanting to go to the wedding, but you'll have the rest of your life to celebrate the love between that couple. and if he's really your best friend, he'll understand. | oh jeez. this is a nightmare. you are so screwed. i think you need to go to the funeral. i would try to do both. what time is wedding? can you go to ceremony and then leave? can you go to only party afterwards? can you go to last part of funeral viewing and burial? ie go to wedding then be there for last two hours of viewing and funeral? | yta - first a question - he passed away yesterday and the funeral is already planned for this saturday? that seems unusual...but i haven't planned a lot of funerals.
my judgment is based on who will need you more that day. your best friend's wedding, he will be focused on his new bride and be surrounded by loved ones. your girlfriend doesn't have another boyfriend to come step in and take your place at her side during this difficult time. seems like a no brainer.
i would have a hard time enjoying the wedding anyway, knowing my so is alone and miserable, dealing with one of the toughest losses of her life. | if this is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life, then yta. i would never forgive my partner if he left me to go party while i was grieving my father. | nah. you can't win here. you go to the wedding you end up devastating your gf and disappointing your best friend. you go to the funeral, your best friend pays the price. but that said, i'd probably prioritize going to the funeral.
tough situation. | i think other redditors are missing the part where you said your the best man. that's a major commitment but so is attending the funeral of your possible father in law. you're not an asshole at all for either choice, best scenario is to reach out to the friend and explain the situation, chances are they are going to tell you not to come and to attend the funeral. long story short i'm sorry to hear about it all. nah | nah - this is a communication issue.
you are a direct communicator. you are directly saying what you mean at the time. your girlfriend and her mother are passive communicators. they are saying things like "go, we know you want to" to bait you into a response. they think by saying that, they are telling you to state your exact, sincere feelings on the spot. but you don't get that from it because you are a direct communicator.
you hear "i need you to be here, tell me you'll be here" but passive communicators also look at everything about you. your face, your body language, your intonation, and every hesitation you make when you're talking. your girlfriend has probably studied you and can read your emotions and your words without meaning to.
because you were hesitating, she picked up on that, and so did her mother. this is a learned communication style passed down between families. it usually marks dysfunctional communication. i myself in the passive communicator and i'm currently learning to try to stop doing it. it's very difficult and she probably doesn't even know what's happening.
when they say things like that it might be a good idea to respond with your direct feelings. "i am also having a really hard time right now. i need a moment to collect myself to answer your question properly." or "i care very deeply for you and the pain that you are going through. you are very important to me right now. your family is also very important to me right now. i have prior obligations that i need to look into adjusting. can we please look into all the options? i see that you are very upset. i love you, i hear you, i support you, i am listening and i am trying to understand."
passive communicators are extremely unsure of themselves. they have a very hard time making decisions. they truly want to do whatever makes you the happiest. it's a learned behavior and a coping mechanism that can come from emotional abuse or neglect from childhood. even having a parent with depression can cause this. i promise it's not something that she is trying to do but read about passive communication quickly as much as you can before you go back to her and her mom. please be as patient as you possibly can and explain that you support her. that is what she is looking for. as soon as she knows that you support her she might begin to calm down out of her panic attack to look at other options.
i apologize for the formatting this aligns a lot with what i'm going through right now and i'm trying to type a lot of information quickly so you have something to look at before this gets any more misconstrued | info - is she the woman you want to marry and spend your life with? | NAH | null | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | NAH | NAH | NAH | INFO | 0.532852 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because a few of the people involved are on here. i'll try to keep this short and sweet. so my best friend since childhood is getting married on saturday. the wedding will be in our hometown, about 4.5 hours from where i currently live. i have tomorrow off and was planning on leaving early in the morning with my gf of 2 years to be home for the rehearsal dinner. i am the best man. my gf's father had a sudden heart attack on tuesday and unfortunately passed away early yesterday morning. i was upset because i had become somewhat close with him. my gf is obviously devastated. i have barely slept the last 2 days, doing my best to be there for her. my boss luckily allowed me to take the rest of the week off to be with her and her family. here is the issue: her mother just came back from the funeral home and let us know that the funeral will take place on saturday (showing from 1 to 5, services and burial directly afterwards). i went pale as soon as i heard this and started sweating. i had almost forgotten about the wedding but this sparked my memory. i turned to my gf and said "that's the day of best friend's wedding". she immediately started crying harder than i've ever seen her. she could barely talk, and her mother and sister started asking if i was really going to leave and go to the wedding. i kinda went blank and didn't know how to answer. my gf finally was able to get out a "please don't leave me." before she started crying again. i just sat there for a few minutes before getting up to use the restroom (where i currently am). this wedding has been in the works for nearly 2 years and is something i have been looking forward to. i really feel like i will be the asshole if i go but i wanted another outside opinion. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because a few of the people involved are on here. i'll try to keep this short and sweet. so my best friend since childhood is getting married on saturday. the wedding will be in our hometown, about 4.5 hours from where i currently live. i have tomorrow off and was planning on leaving early in the morning with my gf of 2 years to be home for the rehearsal dinner. i am the best man. my gf's father had a sudden heart attack on tuesday and unfortunately passed away early yesterday morning. i was upset because i had become somewhat close with him. my gf is obviously devastated. i have barely slept the last 2 days, doing my best to be there for her. my boss luckily allowed me to take the rest of the week off to be with her and her family. here is the issue: her mother just came back from the funeral home and let us know that the funeral will take place on saturday (showing from 1 to 5, services and burial directly afterwards). i went pale as soon as i heard this and started sweating. i had almost forgotten about the wedding but this sparked my memory. i turned to my gf and said "that's the day of best friend's wedding". she immediately started crying harder than i've ever seen her. she could barely talk, and her mother and sister started asking if i was really going to leave and go to the wedding. i kinda went blank and didn't know how to answer. my gf finally was able to get out a "please don't leave me." before she started crying again. i just sat there for a few minutes before getting up to use the restroom (where i currently am). this wedding has been in the works for nearly 2 years and is something i have been looking forward to. i really feel like i will be the asshole if i go but i wanted another outside opinion. [/INST] nah - this is an immensely shitty predicament. if it were me, i’d call the best friend and see what his opinion is before making a decision, because he may say “go take care of your girlfriend”, making your decision a lot easier. best man is a serious obligation, as is supporting your girlfriend. if you must attend the wedding, i would let her know you will go to the ceremony and come straight back after the obligatory best man speech. </s> |
AITA for not wanting to buy our dream home, if that means my wife's Son will move in too? |
my wife and i have been together for 6 years. i agreed to move 2hrs away to be with her family to not have to uproot her 2 kids. recently her extended family started to relocate 17hrs south to a more populated, warmer location. we took a vacation there with her parents to visit her family. when her parents started looking for houses in that area, wife panicked and started trying to convince me to move too. she landed an interview for a promotion for her dream job within our company, and finally convinced me to "a new start" in this area. she landed the job, i got a transfer, and we're renting her aunt's 2br condo while looking for a house.
some back story
my wife has 2 boys from her previous marriage 13 & 19. it was an ugly divorce and the boys learned to manipulate their parents against each other to get what they want. these boys have never really had discipline or any responsibilities mom would come home after work to throw away their snack wrappers.
i also come from a blended family, was that spoiled child, but as an adult realize my step-dad made me a better person by showing me responsibility, discipline, and love. i have tried to do the same for my step-kids especially because i will never have kids of my own, these are my kids.
so i tried to parent my new sons at the time 9 & 14yr old. i got involved with school activities, cooked them meals, helped with hw, set up game nights with friends, but gave them responsibilities and discipline. they respected me for it, but there was a lot of ups and downs with all of the changes, as expected. the oldest, steve has self-esteem issues and always gravitates towards the wrong crowds. in middle school his friends were in and out of juvie. he gets away from them gets a job at 17, only to find a new group of bad influences. he has a run in with police after contributing to a minor and she gets alcohol poisoning, starts skipping vocational classes, using drugs, and was rumored to dealing. steve turned 18 before graduating, wife said we couldn't tell him what to do anymore. he forced us to buy new dishes because he would hide dirty dishes in his computer desk, and lied about having them. but when we had to go to truancy meeting, wife grounded him from his car. he flipped out said we're too overbearing and petty, and moved out to stay with friends.
flash forward
he miraculously somehow graduates, moves in with his dad, loses 2 jobs after working for a week
each. basically been unemployed all summer. when my wife convinced me to move i told her i would not go if steve is going too, im not going to support him if he doesnt to work. she agreed he was not coming. then while looking at houses, i correct her every time she mentions rooms for the boys, and say no just sean. finally when we find our dream home, i flat out ask "do you plan on steve moving in?" she said yes, "i said then i do not want to buy this house." she instantly got mad, said she was blindsided by this, and called me a monster.
so reddit, aita? | 482 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/df4jh6/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_our_dream_home_if/ | 2019-10-08 19:04:51 | info: why are you saying in the title that he is "your wife's son" when in your post you say "these are my kids."
it honestly seems like you just think you can abandon the one because you don't like his behavior. | nta, this seems like a pretty toxic relationship, and it looks like she doesn’t want to see the flaws that her child has, and like any mother wants to take care of him, even if it will hurt everyone else | nta
you gave up on your elder son, you described your stance, that your wife agreed upon this per your discussion.
the whole moving thing makes me believe that she believes she can negotiate with you as you've bent over for her repeatedly and made it work. this isn't something that is going to work to you.
so although she's the asshole in this, the critical part is having a discussion with your wife that firmly decides the situation. if this is your son (step son or biological son) or if you value your wife's feelings significantly, you need to consider what can be done to assist your wife to not mother this child beyond your limits.
4 options:
you can provide your step son with "allowance" that both you and your wife agree upon the amount if your step son is "in education, in training, in employment, in rehab" to live nearby but without living with you.
you can set a rent for your step son to live with you and follow the rules as a landlord rather than a parent. get educated on eviction and treat this son like an adult. (the rent money can either go into your wallets or you can save the money and give it back to this step son once he grows responsible)
you can either let the step son go off into the wild or let the son back in without making clear boundries. | nta- your wife treats you like shit | nta, you laid it out for her and steve is an adult now and doesn't seem to be worth supporting as he isn't trying. stay firm however this may cause serious issues in your relationship along with any hopes on repairing relationship with steve later on. | nta, you were up front about what you wanted and communicated like an adult. good on you, your wife however is communicating like a child. you should both be apart of this decision because you two are married. for you to say you do not what to support a delinquent son is, by no means, monstrous. | nta -
how are you ta for having a discussion with your wife not to bring bad influence to the house if he’s not willing to work and she agreed to it? he already lives somewhere based on what i’m reading. in the eyes of the law, he’s an adult. if you don’t want another adult in your house, that’s fair game.
people calling you ta are not thinking this through, this is an adult now, if he’s not willing to work to get his life straightened out, based on this being a house rule, this’ll lead to someone being babied well into his 30s, based on personal experience. | nta! go with your gut on this. you know the mom and the kid better than we do. don’t let him move with you. you will regret it down the line. save yourself the time, heartache, and money. | nta. a lot of people here think not letting steve move in is abandoning him, but it’s not. it’s just not enabling him. there was some good advice about a contract, and letting steve have a say in the timeline of expectations. but just because he says he’ll do something and understands what are supposed to be the consequences of failing to do those things doesn’t mean you won’t have another battle on your hands if he fails to succeed. you can love your kids, even steps and fosters, and still tell them that they have to step up and find a way to be an adult. there’s no perfect way to help a young adult that’s struggling, i was one and i recognize i was a shitty kid to my parents. but all the ways they tried to help me didn’t help until i was ready to live a better life. you absolutely have a right to not want his bad influence friends over. if he’s ever stolen you have an absolute right to not want him your home unsupervised. if he can’t hold a job, he may deserve a chance, but the other things factor in as well.
i would add that he might have learned some manipulation from his parents, as she seems have been kinda manipulative in this move if you were as clear as you said you were. | "basically been unemployed all summer. when my wife convinced me to move i told her i would not go if steve is going too, im not going to support him if he doesnt to work" is he actively looking for work? | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0.00388 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have been together for 6 years. i agreed to move 2hrs away to be with her family to not have to uproot her 2 kids. recently her extended family started to relocate 17hrs south to a more populated, warmer location. we took a vacation there with her parents to visit her family. when her parents started looking for houses in that area, wife panicked and started trying to convince me to move too. she landed an interview for a promotion for her dream job within our company, and finally convinced me to "a new start" in this area. she landed the job, i got a transfer, and we're renting her aunt's 2br condo while looking for a house. some back story my wife has 2 boys from her previous marriage 13 & 19. it was an ugly divorce and the boys learned to manipulate their parents against each other to get what they want. these boys have never really had discipline or any responsibilities mom would come home after work to throw away their snack wrappers. i also come from a blended family, was that spoiled child, but as an adult realize my step-dad made me a better person by showing me responsibility, discipline, and love. i have tried to do the same for my step-kids especially because i will never have kids of my own, these are my kids. so i tried to parent my new sons at the time 9 & 14yr old. i got involved with school activities, cooked them meals, helped with hw, set up game nights with friends, but gave them responsibilities and discipline. they respected me for it, but there was a lot of ups and downs with all of the changes, as expected. the oldest, steve has self-esteem issues and always gravitates towards the wrong crowds. in middle school his friends were in and out of juvie. he gets away from them gets a job at 17, only to find a new group of bad influences. he has a run in with police after contributing to a minor and she gets alcohol poisoning, starts skipping vocational classes, using drugs, and was rumored to dealing. steve turned 18 before graduating, wife said we couldn't tell him what to do anymore. he forced us to buy new dishes because he would hide dirty dishes in his computer desk, and lied about having them. but when we had to go to truancy meeting, wife grounded him from his car. he flipped out said we're too overbearing and petty, and moved out to stay with friends. flash forward he miraculously somehow graduates, moves in with his dad, loses 2 jobs after working for a week each. basically been unemployed all summer. when my wife convinced me to move i told her i would not go if steve is going too, im not going to support him if he doesnt to work. she agreed he was not coming. then while looking at houses, i correct her every time she mentions rooms for the boys, and say no just sean. finally when we find our dream home, i flat out ask "do you plan on steve moving in?" she said yes, "i said then i do not want to buy this house." she instantly got mad, said she was blindsided by this, and called me a monster. so reddit, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been together for 6 years. i agreed to move 2hrs away to be with her family to not have to uproot her 2 kids. recently her extended family started to relocate 17hrs south to a more populated, warmer location. we took a vacation there with her parents to visit her family. when her parents started looking for houses in that area, wife panicked and started trying to convince me to move too. she landed an interview for a promotion for her dream job within our company, and finally convinced me to "a new start" in this area. she landed the job, i got a transfer, and we're renting her aunt's 2br condo while looking for a house. some back story my wife has 2 boys from her previous marriage 13 & 19. it was an ugly divorce and the boys learned to manipulate their parents against each other to get what they want. these boys have never really had discipline or any responsibilities mom would come home after work to throw away their snack wrappers. i also come from a blended family, was that spoiled child, but as an adult realize my step-dad made me a better person by showing me responsibility, discipline, and love. i have tried to do the same for my step-kids especially because i will never have kids of my own, these are my kids. so i tried to parent my new sons at the time 9 & 14yr old. i got involved with school activities, cooked them meals, helped with hw, set up game nights with friends, but gave them responsibilities and discipline. they respected me for it, but there was a lot of ups and downs with all of the changes, as expected. the oldest, steve has self-esteem issues and always gravitates towards the wrong crowds. in middle school his friends were in and out of juvie. he gets away from them gets a job at 17, only to find a new group of bad influences. he has a run in with police after contributing to a minor and she gets alcohol poisoning, starts skipping vocational classes, using drugs, and was rumored to dealing. steve turned 18 before graduating, wife said we couldn't tell him what to do anymore. he forced us to buy new dishes because he would hide dirty dishes in his computer desk, and lied about having them. but when we had to go to truancy meeting, wife grounded him from his car. he flipped out said we're too overbearing and petty, and moved out to stay with friends. flash forward he miraculously somehow graduates, moves in with his dad, loses 2 jobs after working for a week each. basically been unemployed all summer. when my wife convinced me to move i told her i would not go if steve is going too, im not going to support him if he doesnt to work. she agreed he was not coming. then while looking at houses, i correct her every time she mentions rooms for the boys, and say no just sean. finally when we find our dream home, i flat out ask "do you plan on steve moving in?" she said yes, "i said then i do not want to buy this house." she instantly got mad, said she was blindsided by this, and called me a monster. so reddit, aita? [/INST] info: why are you saying in the title that he is "your wife's son" when in your post you say "these are my kids." it honestly seems like you just think you can abandon the one because you don't like his behavior. </s> |
AITA: For Asking People NOT to Use My Work Bathroom | i work in a large office building, with several small companies inside. on the other side of the building, there is a company that has its own bathroom and they are closed off from my side - they literally leave their office, go outside, and into our office park. their employees constantly walk over here just to shit in my bathroom and they do not respect it at all. they literally destroy it daily. i'm here a lot and i already share the bathroom with many people, when i confronted one of them they said "we pay rent here too". imo they pay rent for their side and their bathroom. | 973 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fkq0vd/aita_for_asking_people_not_to_use_my_work_bathroom/ | 2020-03-18 14:05:44 | info - is the bathroom within your suite? or is a shared bathroom on your side of the building? | minority opinion, but nta. how is this their bathroom, too? they literally have to leave their suite, go outside, walk into your and your adjoining business' building to get to your bathroom. i can't see any reasonable way to say this is their bathroom too. same building? can i use the toilet in my neighbor's co-oped unit? can coach passengers use the lavatory in first class? (no and no.) there may be laws on how many toilets are required per person capacity in an office structure (like there are for parking spots). check that out. i don't see how this is any different from a random member of the public stopping in. which people do- go into a business (usually fast food) just to use the bathroom. which has created a backlash (mcdonalds, starbucks). they may be renting space in the same building, but that entitles them to the space they are renting. they also, presumably, cannot come to your office and set up cubicles or keep their archived boxes piled high. and piled high is apparently what your stuck with until you deal with this formally. nta.
(comments saying it's a 'shared space' cannot possibly know without reading the lease; but from your description, it would be more likely than not that the space is not shared at all.) | for asking? nta. as others have brought up depends all on the tenancy agreements, but honestly i woupd recommend talking to their boss and/or the landlord about this hygeine issue and honestly hint that they are being aggressive towards you or that you feel they are doing it on purpose as of its really out of their way. | with your edits, i’m going to say nta. if i’m imagining the set up correctly, what you’re essentially asking for is a “no public bathroom” type policy since they’re coming in from a street entrance (like a customer would at a retail store with no public restroom). | nta. they have a private bathroom inside their company, they need to use it to do all their business.
ask your landlord to put a lock on the bathroom, and that only the small companies on your side of the building get the keys. my high rise office building does this and it’s a nice way to prevent someone from 11 coming down to 9 to destroy your bathroom. | permanent solution is to put a lock on the door, & only give keys to your buildings tenants.
they are entitled pigs. | nta. put a sign on the door saying "this bathroom has been quarantined due to being exposed to coronavirus." | i n f o:is it within your suite that you rent? do you clean and supply the space or does the landlord (shared space)?
updated to nta. talk to landlord about some keys. if they are in a different space they need to use their own restroom | reluctantly crouched at the farting line
colons pumping and thumping in time
the green light flashes, the flags go up
churning and burning, they race for a crap
&#x200b;
also, nta. | null | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0.005167 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work in a large office building, with several small companies inside. on the other side of the building, there is a company that has its own bathroom and they are closed off from my side - they literally leave their office, go outside, and into our office park. their employees constantly walk over here just to shit in my bathroom and they do not respect it at all. they literally destroy it daily. i'm here a lot and i already share the bathroom with many people, when i confronted one of them they said "we pay rent here too". imo they pay rent for their side and their bathroom. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work in a large office building, with several small companies inside. on the other side of the building, there is a company that has its own bathroom and they are closed off from my side - they literally leave their office, go outside, and into our office park. their employees constantly walk over here just to shit in my bathroom and they do not respect it at all. they literally destroy it daily. i'm here a lot and i already share the bathroom with many people, when i confronted one of them they said "we pay rent here too". imo they pay rent for their side and their bathroom. [/INST] info - is the bathroom within your suite? or is a shared bathroom on your side of the building? </s> |
AITA for giving my daughter a stuffed bear filled with human hair? | my (33 m) wife (31 f) and i just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago.
my family has a tradition where the first born will get a special stuffed animal. i got one from my mother when i was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, and so on and so on. the reason that it's special is because the stuffing is made from their parent's hair.
the way it works is that once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut, their parent will save as much of that hair as they can. when the child becomes a parent themselves, the new grandparent will use the saved hair to make a stuffed animal to give to the baby. the hair in the toy represents the new parent's connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they'll always be close by; the care taken by the new grandparent in collecting the hair and using it to make the toy represents the child's connection to it's family history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them. in short, the stuffed animal is a way of connecting the new life to their new family.
after my daughter was born, my mother spent a lot of time making a stuffed bear from scratch to fill with my childhood hair. she just finished last week. since my leave from work is just about over, i was excited to give my daughter the bear and share the tradition with my wife. i thought she would think it was sweet, but she blew up at me.
instead of liking the bear, my wife said it was gross and disgusting and that she wouldn't have it around her daughter. i told her that it's our daughter, not hers, and that there's nothing disgusting about my family's tradition. she said it was unhygienic. i told her that it's not; the hair is clean and well preserved. we argued, and eventually she said that if i ever put "that thing" near her daughter, that she would throw it in the trash. i was shocked. this is something that represents decades of my mother's work and planning and generations of my family's history. i told my wife that if she's so cruel and callous about something that means so much to me and my family, then she's not the person i thought she was. she just called my family's tradition "weird and culty."
i didn't know what to do. i didn't think my wife was this kind of person. i told my mother about the fight, and now she's feuding with my wife too. my wife then got her family involved before calling me some vulgar names, but am i really an a\*\*hole for wanting to give my special girl her special bear? | 7,544 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t92zju/aita_for_giving_my_daughter_a_stuffed_bear_filled/ | 2022-03-07 23:42:16 | nah. because i understand this is emotionally meaningful to you, but it’s also, fairly objectively, pretty fucking weird. | esh
you cant surprise your partner with family traditions. especially one where you give a baby a wad of dead hair. | nah - i think the tradition itself is both sweet and gross at the same time.
but i can definitely understand your wife being grossed out by your weird traditional voodoo doll. | nta, i do think you should’ve let your wife know about the tradition beforehand though, to save this sort of argument. but i do think the aggression and name calling is unnecessary, it’s not unhygienic just unusual. | in nazi death camps the hair of victims was shorn, often after death by gassing, to be used as stuffing for mattresses, pillows and other uses and yes, also for hair on and in dolls. for me personally, knowing that history, i too would be creeped out by the doll, no matter how well-intentioned it was.
nah, but definitely a culture clash that probably should have been discussed prior to the gifting. | nta but i feel like you should’ve told your wife about this tradition a long time ago… | yta.
your wife kind of sucks for judging your family tradition. but it's not her fault that you're suddenly springing this on her.
you are ta for not bringing it up before you had a child together. if it's so important to you and you planned to continue the tradition, you kind of owe it to your wife to have brought it up before now when there's a bear stuffed with human hair or whatever.
sure, it's just hair and it could be clean and well-preserved.
but it could have been stuffed with toenail clippings, or scabs, or baby teeth, and it wouldn't make it any more or less weird to someone who has never heard of this.
info:
what culture is this that it's a family tradition?
why didn't you discuss it before if it's so special for you to give your special girl this special bear? | info: has this really not come up beforehand? | "we won't let any part of her go to waste" -the minnesota shrike, hannibal
i can understand the discomfort. i mean it's your family tradition so of course you don't find it strange but if anyone gave me a stuffed animal filled with human hair i'd assume my family member was a serial killer lol. not even gonna give a judgement here, just, huh. interesting. | so this is an important tradition yet the first your wife has heard of it? | NAH | ESH | NAH | NTA | NAH | NTA | YTA | INFO | null | null | 0.372059 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (33 m) wife (31 f) and i just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago. my family has a tradition where the first born will get a special stuffed animal. i got one from my mother when i was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, and so on and so on. the reason that it's special is because the stuffing is made from their parent's hair. the way it works is that once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut, their parent will save as much of that hair as they can. when the child becomes a parent themselves, the new grandparent will use the saved hair to make a stuffed animal to give to the baby. the hair in the toy represents the new parent's connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they'll always be close by; the care taken by the new grandparent in collecting the hair and using it to make the toy represents the child's connection to it's family history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them. in short, the stuffed animal is a way of connecting the new life to their new family. after my daughter was born, my mother spent a lot of time making a stuffed bear from scratch to fill with my childhood hair. she just finished last week. since my leave from work is just about over, i was excited to give my daughter the bear and share the tradition with my wife. i thought she would think it was sweet, but she blew up at me. instead of liking the bear, my wife said it was gross and disgusting and that she wouldn't have it around her daughter. i told her that it's our daughter, not hers, and that there's nothing disgusting about my family's tradition. she said it was unhygienic. i told her that it's not; the hair is clean and well preserved. we argued, and eventually she said that if i ever put "that thing" near her daughter, that she would throw it in the trash. i was shocked. this is something that represents decades of my mother's work and planning and generations of my family's history. i told my wife that if she's so cruel and callous about something that means so much to me and my family, then she's not the person i thought she was. she just called my family's tradition "weird and culty." i didn't know what to do. i didn't think my wife was this kind of person. i told my mother about the fight, and now she's feuding with my wife too. my wife then got her family involved before calling me some vulgar names, but am i really an a\*\*hole for wanting to give my special girl her special bear? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (33 m) wife (31 f) and i just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago. my family has a tradition where the first born will get a special stuffed animal. i got one from my mother when i was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, and so on and so on. the reason that it's special is because the stuffing is made from their parent's hair. the way it works is that once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut, their parent will save as much of that hair as they can. when the child becomes a parent themselves, the new grandparent will use the saved hair to make a stuffed animal to give to the baby. the hair in the toy represents the new parent's connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they'll always be close by; the care taken by the new grandparent in collecting the hair and using it to make the toy represents the child's connection to it's family history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them. in short, the stuffed animal is a way of connecting the new life to their new family. after my daughter was born, my mother spent a lot of time making a stuffed bear from scratch to fill with my childhood hair. she just finished last week. since my leave from work is just about over, i was excited to give my daughter the bear and share the tradition with my wife. i thought she would think it was sweet, but she blew up at me. instead of liking the bear, my wife said it was gross and disgusting and that she wouldn't have it around her daughter. i told her that it's our daughter, not hers, and that there's nothing disgusting about my family's tradition. she said it was unhygienic. i told her that it's not; the hair is clean and well preserved. we argued, and eventually she said that if i ever put "that thing" near her daughter, that she would throw it in the trash. i was shocked. this is something that represents decades of my mother's work and planning and generations of my family's history. i told my wife that if she's so cruel and callous about something that means so much to me and my family, then she's not the person i thought she was. she just called my family's tradition "weird and culty." i didn't know what to do. i didn't think my wife was this kind of person. i told my mother about the fight, and now she's feuding with my wife too. my wife then got her family involved before calling me some vulgar names, but am i really an a\*\*hole for wanting to give my special girl her special bear? [/INST] nah. because i understand this is emotionally meaningful to you, but it’s also, fairly objectively, pretty fucking weird. </s> |
WIBTA if I Ban my brother's friend from our house ? | i have an elder brother who is 22 years old he has many friends who come over regularly. for the past few months he has had a friend who makes me uncomfortable. always askd about me ,where i am and what are you doing and i find it weird for a 22 year old man to be so concerned about a 16 year old girl .last week he turned up at my tuition right as i was coming out. one of my friends who was outside told me this guy had been standing outside for 5 minutes doing nothing when i asked him, he said he was waiting for a friend. i doubt it.
i basically told my brother stop talking about me to him. my brother thinks that i am being ridiculous
and that his friend is perfectly normal.
so wibta if i i ask my brother to stop inviting the guy over and to stop associating with him? | 1,609 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8opfh/wibta_if_i_ban_my_brothers_friend_from_our_house/ | 2019-12-10 09:57:32 | info: where are your parents in this? have you informed them? | nta, trust yourself and talk to your parents if you can | nta
given that your brother has already been dismissive of your concerns, please talk to your parents about this situation. | nta but it sounds like you didn't really explain to your brother that his friend makes you uncomfortable, and why. share your concerns with your parents if your brother doesn't listen to you.
i mean you obviously can't ban him from your house as it isn't yours, but definitely don't keep quiet about it.
i'm petty, so if i were you and if the dude asked more questions, especially in front of your brother, i would say something like "why are you so obsessed with your friends 16 year old sister? kinda creepy dude" | definitely nta. trust your instincts, i rather be safe than sorry. talk to your parents regarding this matter and try to be up front/ blunt with your brother (sometimes men need that). | please trust yourself on this. most abuse/rape cases are not committed by strangers but by family, 'friends' and acquaintances. protect yourself. | nta talk to you parents. make it clear that this guy makes you uncomfortable as he pays you unusual attention.including turning up at your school at the end of class. if ever he says something inappropriate in front of you loudly call him out on it. | nta. your instincts more than valid given this person's behavior.
please consult your parents about this friend, and be sure to mention your brother's dismissiveness to your concerns as well. | nta
tell your parents. let them know he makes you uncomfortable in your own home. keep telling your brother. tell your school. if the guy keeps showing up tell him to stay away from you. record it if you can and post it so your loved ones can see you told him to stay away from you. i’m not talking about a public smear campaign but make sure your friends and family can recognize him well enough to alert you when he is around and if they are up to it ask him why he is around a 16 year old instead of just hanging with her brother. | nta. i would go over brothers head.
to mom and or dad
always trust your gut instinct.
this guys a creeper and giving you bad vibes trust that.
..and your brother should be backing you up. | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.00388 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have an elder brother who is 22 years old he has many friends who come over regularly. for the past few months he has had a friend who makes me uncomfortable. always askd about me ,where i am and what are you doing and i find it weird for a 22 year old man to be so concerned about a 16 year old girl .last week he turned up at my tuition right as i was coming out. one of my friends who was outside told me this guy had been standing outside for 5 minutes doing nothing when i asked him, he said he was waiting for a friend. i doubt it. i basically told my brother stop talking about me to him. my brother thinks that i am being ridiculous and that his friend is perfectly normal. so wibta if i i ask my brother to stop inviting the guy over and to stop associating with him? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have an elder brother who is 22 years old he has many friends who come over regularly. for the past few months he has had a friend who makes me uncomfortable. always askd about me ,where i am and what are you doing and i find it weird for a 22 year old man to be so concerned about a 16 year old girl .last week he turned up at my tuition right as i was coming out. one of my friends who was outside told me this guy had been standing outside for 5 minutes doing nothing when i asked him, he said he was waiting for a friend. i doubt it. i basically told my brother stop talking about me to him. my brother thinks that i am being ridiculous and that his friend is perfectly normal. so wibta if i i ask my brother to stop inviting the guy over and to stop associating with him? [/INST] info: where are your parents in this? have you informed them? </s> |
AITA For being mad at my husband's family for excluding my disabled son from a family trip? |
i 38f had my son john with my late husband who passed away from lung cancer 5 years ago, john was diagnosed with cerebral palsy since he was 3 years old, he's now 10 it was so hard for me to take care of my sick husband while working to provide for my son with the means to be able to live a normal life just like any other kid. he always had issues with communication and expressing his emotions, others tend to misunderstand his condition and just make him feel like it's his fault.
i met my current husband and we been married for over a year now, his family have been respectful but they never really involved me and my son in any family event.
they seem ignorant when it comes to understanding my son's condition, they always ask annoying questions and tend to make me uncomfertable with being around them.
this past week, my husband told me that every year, his family gathers and takes a trip to a beach house they own and spend a couple of weeks there to get away from stress and bond as a family, my husband used to go alone but this year he wanted me and my son to come with him since we're now his family, i felt uneasy about this idea, but i saw this as an opportunity for my son to go out, get fresh air and play with the kids and have fun, when we told him he got so excited and started preparing early, we had a great time making plans for what we gonna be doing there as a family.
last night, my husband said he wanted to tell me something, turned out he spoke to his family and told them we were tagging along but they seemed to dislike the idea, told him that they don't know how my son "will behave" around family members and how this type of trip was not for kids like him, they said that he should come alone like he did every year, and that they did not make plans for us.
i was so upset but mostly hurt by this, my husband promised he'd make it up for us and take us on a trip just the three of us, i told my son and he kind of knew why, he started crying, started telling me that he knew no one wanted him around, he started crying and asked me if anyone will ever cry when he dies, i was in disbelief, this made me cry and i had to call my mother in law and i literally yelled at her for being such an inconsiderate person to make my son cry and treat him like that, she started making excuses and trying to shift blame i ended up hanging up on her which resulted in them fighting with my husband and yelling at him for getting involved in the first place. | 5,287 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iu0w53/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_husbands_family_for/ | 2020-09-16 18:03:38 | info: your son has cerebral palsy. how bad is it? does he lead a relatively normal life? i have cp as well and i know it can manifest itself in variously different degrees. do they need to make any sort of accommodation? and what types of questions are they asking? | nta, unless you’re leaving significant info out of the post (like your son causing extreme disturbances or you flying off the handle on them repeatedly), they’re excluding the both of you on ableist basis. | nta. i almost think that your husband is more ta here. not excusing the in-laws but i think he was worse.
from what it sounds like - the in-laws always excluded you. your husband decided on his own to invite you both and get you excited for the trip. he then told his family who, as per usual, turned it down. he got you excited and made your son cry not the in-laws. i'd be surprised if they knew that your husband said anything beforehand. if i'm wrong about this then they are all equally ta. | esh except your son.i have cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia) and i get how annoying it is to explain to people what that entails. answering the same dumbass questions all the time gets annoying. but here is where everyone sucks:
you suck for not taking the initiative to organize a gathering (something your son enjoys) that would allow him to get to know these other kids and family members in a relaxed setting. if you want them to understand your son you have to meet them halfway and provide the resources. it’s not fair that you have to shoulder that extra burden but it is what it is. you also suck for telling him and getting him excited before anything was confirmed with the hosts.
your husband sucks because he didn’t ask in advance before inviting any additional two people on a planned family vacation. the disability issue doesn’t factor in here. you just don’t do that. it’s rude. he also sucks for telling you all before getting permission.
his relatives suck because they haven’t made an effort to learn about your son’s condition (palsy is very variable by type, from “nearly invisible disability” to “unable to speak and quadriplegic” and they may be uncertain how to approach things. be open, be transparent, and give them the tools to be good family members to him. this stuff doesn’t just come naturally. most people hear “cerebral palsy” and the first thing they say to me is “but you walk/you aren’t mentally handicapped” as though both of those assumptions were givens the moment the condition came up. you know this condition, they don’t, and you need to help them navigate integrating your son into their family.
it is so hard to grow up feeling different/wrong/rejected because of something you have no control over. this kid spends every day fighting against his own body not doing what he wants it to. it’s so important that you find activities he can do, counseling for his feelings surrounding the disability, and ways to help encourage his mobility and coordination as he grows. if you need help please reach out, i’d gladly answer your questions. | esh. “they ask annoying questions”? maybe they ask questions trying to better understand your son but you shut them down. they should include you both yes - but maybe they feel like they’ve tried and been shut down by your attitude to their questions | he is not part of the family it seems and i'd be incredibly disappointed if your husband attended on his own ever again to be honest. no amount of make up trips will make up for being made to feel like a outsider.
nta | info: you say his family asks annoying questions. have you sat down and had a real info session with them to educate them on his condition?
speculation here, but i could see them being reasonably uncomfortable including you and him if they don't know his limits and you react by being standoffish and annoyed when they try to find out more about what he can and can't participate in. even if their questions seem stupid to you at least they want to know, that could be a positive sign if you can unclench and lean into it. | wait? info- is your husband planning on going without you? because if so, you have a serious husband problem and he’s just as bad as the rest of your family. nta, but it would be assholish to stay with someone that treats your kid like that. | nta. your husband is for not sticking up for you and your son. he should refuse to go with out you two. his family is for not seeing you as part of the family and purposefully excluding you from the bonding event. | nta. your husband will be if he leaves you & your son to vacation with these people. if fact, he’s an ah unless he stands up to his family & tells them that from now on, the 3 of you are a package deal. if son is not included in the family, they won’t see him either. | INFO | NTA | NTA | ESH | ESH | NTA | INFO | INFO | NTA | NTA | 0.22482 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 38f had my son john with my late husband who passed away from lung cancer 5 years ago, john was diagnosed with cerebral palsy since he was 3 years old, he's now 10 it was so hard for me to take care of my sick husband while working to provide for my son with the means to be able to live a normal life just like any other kid. he always had issues with communication and expressing his emotions, others tend to misunderstand his condition and just make him feel like it's his fault. i met my current husband and we been married for over a year now, his family have been respectful but they never really involved me and my son in any family event. they seem ignorant when it comes to understanding my son's condition, they always ask annoying questions and tend to make me uncomfertable with being around them. this past week, my husband told me that every year, his family gathers and takes a trip to a beach house they own and spend a couple of weeks there to get away from stress and bond as a family, my husband used to go alone but this year he wanted me and my son to come with him since we're now his family, i felt uneasy about this idea, but i saw this as an opportunity for my son to go out, get fresh air and play with the kids and have fun, when we told him he got so excited and started preparing early, we had a great time making plans for what we gonna be doing there as a family. last night, my husband said he wanted to tell me something, turned out he spoke to his family and told them we were tagging along but they seemed to dislike the idea, told him that they don't know how my son "will behave" around family members and how this type of trip was not for kids like him, they said that he should come alone like he did every year, and that they did not make plans for us. i was so upset but mostly hurt by this, my husband promised he'd make it up for us and take us on a trip just the three of us, i told my son and he kind of knew why, he started crying, started telling me that he knew no one wanted him around, he started crying and asked me if anyone will ever cry when he dies, i was in disbelief, this made me cry and i had to call my mother in law and i literally yelled at her for being such an inconsiderate person to make my son cry and treat him like that, she started making excuses and trying to shift blame i ended up hanging up on her which resulted in them fighting with my husband and yelling at him for getting involved in the first place. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 38f had my son john with my late husband who passed away from lung cancer 5 years ago, john was diagnosed with cerebral palsy since he was 3 years old, he's now 10 it was so hard for me to take care of my sick husband while working to provide for my son with the means to be able to live a normal life just like any other kid. he always had issues with communication and expressing his emotions, others tend to misunderstand his condition and just make him feel like it's his fault. i met my current husband and we been married for over a year now, his family have been respectful but they never really involved me and my son in any family event. they seem ignorant when it comes to understanding my son's condition, they always ask annoying questions and tend to make me uncomfertable with being around them. this past week, my husband told me that every year, his family gathers and takes a trip to a beach house they own and spend a couple of weeks there to get away from stress and bond as a family, my husband used to go alone but this year he wanted me and my son to come with him since we're now his family, i felt uneasy about this idea, but i saw this as an opportunity for my son to go out, get fresh air and play with the kids and have fun, when we told him he got so excited and started preparing early, we had a great time making plans for what we gonna be doing there as a family. last night, my husband said he wanted to tell me something, turned out he spoke to his family and told them we were tagging along but they seemed to dislike the idea, told him that they don't know how my son "will behave" around family members and how this type of trip was not for kids like him, they said that he should come alone like he did every year, and that they did not make plans for us. i was so upset but mostly hurt by this, my husband promised he'd make it up for us and take us on a trip just the three of us, i told my son and he kind of knew why, he started crying, started telling me that he knew no one wanted him around, he started crying and asked me if anyone will ever cry when he dies, i was in disbelief, this made me cry and i had to call my mother in law and i literally yelled at her for being such an inconsiderate person to make my son cry and treat him like that, she started making excuses and trying to shift blame i ended up hanging up on her which resulted in them fighting with my husband and yelling at him for getting involved in the first place. [/INST] info: your son has cerebral palsy. how bad is it? does he lead a relatively normal life? i have cp as well and i know it can manifest itself in variously different degrees. do they need to make any sort of accommodation? and what types of questions are they asking? </s> |
AITA for insulting a woman in the supermarket queue when she was with her daughter(10?) ? | ok guys , i know i should've reacted differently, but i was appalled by what that woman was teaching her child.
for some context, when i record i usually wear pink hoodies and sunglasses. not always, but many times.
last day when we finished recording i was thirsty so i left the studio and went straight to the supermarket.
was buying some tea when i heard giggles next to me. it was this woman ( mid 30's) , with her daughter pointing directly at me . i'm kinda used to it as some people recognize me. but they were making fun of me wearing pink.
didn't think much of it. let them have a laugh. no harm done.
fast forward 5m , heard giggles again. same woman with her kid. turned around and saw the woman trying to get her kid to make fun of me because real men don't wear pink.
at this point i was blown away and sad for the little girl being taught to be judgmental just based on looks. but ok, it wasn't my place to interfere so, again, i carried on with the shopping. guess who was also in line to pay? yeah , same woman and her daughter.
now, i have a wife with some health issues. she looks really sick. she's skinny, blind from one eye and she's dealing with depression and a severe eating disorder.
it would shatter her if someone purposely let her know that they're making fun of her appearance, plus, we have a 2yo daughter so i must admit i may be overly sensitive about that.
back to the supermarket queue.
there she was yet again laughing at my face literally. that's not what upset me. i was blown away, how can this mother try to pass on this kind of behaviour to her own daughter? i approached her and said, " do you want me to buy something for you to eat? because tbh you really look like a crackhead and that must be hard on your daughter having to see her own mother looking like that. i noticed you laughing, are you high right now? tss tss what a shame"
her face turned red as there were more people eavesdropping by now , but said nothing. i finished with " you know what, real men might not wear pink, but i'm pretty sure i would never teach my daughter to make other people feel bad about their appearance" .
was i out of line? i kinda feel guilty for the kid but, i honestly don't think i was in the wrong. aita? | 3,922 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/do9u4g/aita_for_insulting_a_woman_in_the_supermarket/ | 2019-10-28 14:48:05 | esh. if you'd just gone with the second half of your criticism, you'd obviously have been in the right, but i don't know what lesson you were hoping to teach the kid by insulting her mom back. | hmm... esh i guess.
the first part of what you said pushes you over to asshole territory. second part was perfect and didn't really require the first part. that should have embarrassed her by itself. | esh. the woman was horrible. but you crossed a line when you said "you really look like a crackhead" in front of her 10-year-old child. you also say "i honestly don't think i was in the wrong" and "i know i should've reacted differently" in the same post. i think you know you didn't handle this well. | this didn’t happen | [deleted] | nah because this never happened | esh, you're complaining about how its bad for the woman to teach her daughter its ok to make fun of people's appearance then you go and do the exact same thing saying she looks like a crackhead. you said you're wife is skinny and sickly looking how would you like someone telling her she looks like she needs something to eat.
not only an asshole but i dont think i've ever known anyone to be this ignorant of their hypocrisy. | yta because this is obviously very very fake and the fact that people believe you bothers me beyond belief | esh, instead of just making your point, which was 100% valid, you retaliated with insults of your own. two wrongs don't make a right, etc. | nta i hope she learned the lesson of not judging someone by their appearance/clothes/religion/race/nationality/sex. | ESH | ESH | ESH | null | null | NAH | ESH | YTA | ESH | NTA | 0.344459 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok guys , i know i should've reacted differently, but i was appalled by what that woman was teaching her child. for some context, when i record i usually wear pink hoodies and sunglasses. not always, but many times. last day when we finished recording i was thirsty so i left the studio and went straight to the supermarket. was buying some tea when i heard giggles next to me. it was this woman ( mid 30's) , with her daughter pointing directly at me . i'm kinda used to it as some people recognize me. but they were making fun of me wearing pink. didn't think much of it. let them have a laugh. no harm done. fast forward 5m , heard giggles again. same woman with her kid. turned around and saw the woman trying to get her kid to make fun of me because real men don't wear pink. at this point i was blown away and sad for the little girl being taught to be judgmental just based on looks. but ok, it wasn't my place to interfere so, again, i carried on with the shopping. guess who was also in line to pay? yeah , same woman and her daughter. now, i have a wife with some health issues. she looks really sick. she's skinny, blind from one eye and she's dealing with depression and a severe eating disorder. it would shatter her if someone purposely let her know that they're making fun of her appearance, plus, we have a 2yo daughter so i must admit i may be overly sensitive about that. back to the supermarket queue. there she was yet again laughing at my face literally. that's not what upset me. i was blown away, how can this mother try to pass on this kind of behaviour to her own daughter? i approached her and said, " do you want me to buy something for you to eat? because tbh you really look like a crackhead and that must be hard on your daughter having to see her own mother looking like that. i noticed you laughing, are you high right now? tss tss what a shame" her face turned red as there were more people eavesdropping by now , but said nothing. i finished with " you know what, real men might not wear pink, but i'm pretty sure i would never teach my daughter to make other people feel bad about their appearance" . was i out of line? i kinda feel guilty for the kid but, i honestly don't think i was in the wrong. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok guys , i know i should've reacted differently, but i was appalled by what that woman was teaching her child. for some context, when i record i usually wear pink hoodies and sunglasses. not always, but many times. last day when we finished recording i was thirsty so i left the studio and went straight to the supermarket. was buying some tea when i heard giggles next to me. it was this woman ( mid 30's) , with her daughter pointing directly at me . i'm kinda used to it as some people recognize me. but they were making fun of me wearing pink. didn't think much of it. let them have a laugh. no harm done. fast forward 5m , heard giggles again. same woman with her kid. turned around and saw the woman trying to get her kid to make fun of me because real men don't wear pink. at this point i was blown away and sad for the little girl being taught to be judgmental just based on looks. but ok, it wasn't my place to interfere so, again, i carried on with the shopping. guess who was also in line to pay? yeah , same woman and her daughter. now, i have a wife with some health issues. she looks really sick. she's skinny, blind from one eye and she's dealing with depression and a severe eating disorder. it would shatter her if someone purposely let her know that they're making fun of her appearance, plus, we have a 2yo daughter so i must admit i may be overly sensitive about that. back to the supermarket queue. there she was yet again laughing at my face literally. that's not what upset me. i was blown away, how can this mother try to pass on this kind of behaviour to her own daughter? i approached her and said, " do you want me to buy something for you to eat? because tbh you really look like a crackhead and that must be hard on your daughter having to see her own mother looking like that. i noticed you laughing, are you high right now? tss tss what a shame" her face turned red as there were more people eavesdropping by now , but said nothing. i finished with " you know what, real men might not wear pink, but i'm pretty sure i would never teach my daughter to make other people feel bad about their appearance" . was i out of line? i kinda feel guilty for the kid but, i honestly don't think i was in the wrong. aita? [/INST] esh. if you'd just gone with the second half of your criticism, you'd obviously have been in the right, but i don't know what lesson you were hoping to teach the kid by insulting her mom back. </s> |
AITA for walking into my flatmate's room while she was having sex and refusing to leave? | i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem
she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit.
so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex).
i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening.
i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk.
so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does.
she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''.
the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat.
so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole.
i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita?
**to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.**
**to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.** | 17,367 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b6wg38/aita_for_walking_into_my_flatmates_room_while_she/ | 2019-03-29 12:06:04 | yta holy shit i hope this is a troll post otherwise you have some serious issues. trying to the scare the naked guy she’s having sex jeez. | shp? if not then esh leaning more towards yta. this is not how adults talk to each other. | yta
you made it too personal... "nobody likes you"... could've just told her to shape up or move out or else you'll keep barging in and be as inconsiderate as she's been. | yta- you went above and beyond to be cruel. she had loud sex, it's super annoying. i get it. but bang on her door until she comes out. the guy did nothing wrong either. | esh
but yta especially. loud sex is certainly disrespectful when you're living with a large group of people. however, because she's having sex you're going to:
1.) gauge the kind of guy she's with and assume you could beat him in a fight?
2.) tell her to sort her life out? are you her father??
3.) shout and curse at her like you're the better person?
???
you're ta for all that. she's ta for just being disrespectful. | nta - fun fact: sleep deprivation is torture according to the un.
you already had the adult conversation with her about this (why is everyone itt saying you should have had a conversation like an adult when you already did?). she has been messing with her 5 flatmates sleep for such a long time, after you made her well aware of the fact. her behavior is completely unacceptable.
the most important thing about sharing a flat is respecting sleep schedules and she was so way out of line that i think your reaction was appropriate. no wonder your other flatmates thanked you. i think people in this thread is severely underestimating how horrible the situation she made is. | esh. she's a major asshole for not listening to her roommates about her loud sex problem, and you definitely have a reason to be pissed as all fuck, but deliberately walking in on her and refusing to leave her room (which is her space and she does get to tell people to leave) is in super-major-asshole territory. that's her space that she pays for, so you don't ever get the right to barge in, and doing that while she's having sex is also a major breach of privacy. i agree she sucks major ass but you're not in the right. | nta - when you have roommates, you have to be considerate about their time/space. she was being selfish and you’ve finally stood up for everyone. someone had to do something for her to get a wake up call. it’s not fair for 5 people to not get any sleep because someone wants to get dick in the middle of the night and struggle throughout the day. everyone pays for rent and tuition and it’s not fair everyone can’t live in peace because your roommate is being a loud monkey in her room every night. if she wants to have loud sex, then she should get her own place and be as loud as she want then. | esh, but honestly, you more so. yes, you were frustrated, and no, her behavior wasn’t great. but...you were a real asshole to her! you literally told her, while she was naked (an intensely vulnerable moment!) and crying that *nobody liked her, not even that guy she was fucking*. it’s also pretty weird to walk in on someone fucking and then just refuse to leave. and you say you “sent her a message”...which is...a touch disturbing.
yea, she was having a bunch of loud sex. but...this really should’ve been address in a more constructive way. | yta. what the fuck? are you 16? because that’s how a 16 year old would handle things. | YTA | ESH | YTA | YTA | ESH | NTA | ESH | NTA | ESH | YTA | 0.264545 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit. so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex). i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening. i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk. so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does. she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''. the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat. so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole. i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita? **to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.** **to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.** | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20m) live in a flat with 5 others at university. there is one girl (20f), who's a bit of a...problem she always brings guys back and has loud audible sex with them. very loud. and it annoys all of us, we have early starts in the morning and well tell her to keep it down but she doesn't listen. we told security and they didn't do shit. so we also all have exams soon and essay deadlines. and yesterday, she does it again, brings a guy back and starts having loud sex. we're all awake on this and post on the flat chat (but she wasn't going to see it anyway until after she was done having sex). i have an early start and had to be somewhere by 7am and it was 2am while this was happening. i had had enough. i banged on her door and she wouldn't open it. i bang again and she doesn't open. so i try to open it and...it's unlocked, they must have forgotten to lock it given that they came back drunk. so i walk in and see them having sex. they both quickly see me and freak out. she says to me ''what the fuck?!!'' but i look over to the guy, the guy was a bit short and really skinny, there's no way in hell he would be a threat to me and he looked way more nervous than she does. she keeps saying ''what the fuck?!! get out!!'' and i say to her ''i've had enough of your fucking shit. we've all had enough of your fucking shit, you piece of shit. we're trying to sleep''. the guy is standing there awkwardly so i tell him ''get the fuck out'' and he doesn't do anything just stands there awkwardly, so i tell him ''i'll fucking call security, and i've got 4 other flatmates to back me up, our words against yours so get the fuck out!!'' and he gets his clothes on and runs out the flat. so the ''problem'' girl starts crying and i tell her that she needs to sort her life out, i then to say to her ''please leave this flat, move out. no one here fucking likes you, not even that guy you just fucked likes you enough to stay'' and she screams at me and calls me fucking cunt and asshole. i then leave and go to back to my room. i told the others what happened and they agreed with me, there's nothing else i could have done. in fact they thanked me, at least we could get to sleep and now we sent her a message, aita? **to those saying that the other flatmates are all guys, that's not true. aside from the bitch, there are two girls, and the rest guy.** **to the people telling me that i should have spoken nicely to her, i said in the first few paragraphs i already did this. me and the other flatmates asked her nicely to stop on several occasions and she didn't follow through. what she did was say ''okay'' and then continue to do the same shit. i'm writing this as a clarification for those comments.** [/INST] yta holy shit i hope this is a troll post otherwise you have some serious issues. trying to the scare the naked guy she’s having sex jeez. </s> |
AITA For Asking My Roommate to Slow Down on the Milk | so i have a roommate who's been living with me since feburary and they have a thing where they drink a lot of milk. like a lot. and that's fine in and of itself drink what you want and eat what you want. but i've been the one working the most and getting most to almost all the grocheries. it's tuesday/wednesday (after midnight so technically wednesday) and i had just got a gallon of milk on monday, my roommate comes back and says we'll need milk tomorrow (meaning wednesday) and i asked them if they could slow dowm on their milk intake. they got upset and said that they'd just stop drinking milk in general, i said they didn't have to do that i just asked if they could slow down and they responded that they said they will just stop drinking the milk entirely. we got into an argument that ended with them running off to their room saying i didn't have to remind them that aren't normal. bro we're both neurodivergent and autistic. this is why i haven't asked this question in months- i have been afraid of their response. | 790 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6l9ng/aita_for_asking_my_roommate_to_slow_down_on_the/ | 2021-08-18 05:58:03 | info: why don’t you just buy seperate milk? he can buy his own milk and then it doesn’t matter. | nta but it sounds like you and your roommate need to start buying your own groceries. | nta. fellow autistic here - i don’t know if your roommate deals with demand avoidance, like many autistics do, but what i do fear you’re dealing with is our very common tendency to be overly empathetic. they are your roommate, not your significant other - it’s not your job to accommodate their every need simply because they’re unable to provide for themselves. you’re not denying them room for food, this is one simple issue about milk. don’t let their reaction make you think that you’re wrong. | nta about “reminding them they’re not normal” i’m autistic too and i think we are gonna have to live our whole lives accepting that our normal is different from other peoples’, but it’s not like you don’t understand that. and milk has nothing to do with that, i feel like they just said that in the heat of the moment because sometimes we can feel so much at once. have you thought about just trying to each have your own milk? one that you drink and pay for, and one that they drink and pay for? | [deleted] | as someone who has been told they have an unnatural addiction to milk, if the man cannot buy his own milk then the man shall not drink milk. i make it a rule, if i can eat/drink it a lot then i fund my own habits. you should have this talk with them and say you dont care how much milk they drink but if they are gonna drink it in 1-2 days they need to buy it themselves. | have you thought about buying powdered milk? i started to buy it for my tea because i love having milk in my tea, but the fridge in the place i live is so crappy that the milk would expire five fucking days before the expiration date! so i bought a can of nonfat dried milk. i’m very happy with it, although i admit that i haven’t added water to it and drunk it like normal milk, so i have no idea how that would taste. nta. | nta. you are already spending money to provide all the groceries, and your request was completely reasonable, especially if you are unable to pay for all the expenses. you could explain that you simply cannot afford the milk, so they would have to start buying their own if they wanted to keep drinking. | nta. when you’re sharing groceries with a roommate, you don’t get the luxury of guzzling all the milk and leaving them with nothing. if they don’t have enough money to buy their own milk, then they have to moderate how much they drink.
and honestly, i wouldn’t try continuing to explain that they can still drink some of the milk. if they’re going to have an “i won’t drink any milk if you won’t let me have as much as i want!” attitude, then let them go without milk. | null | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0.007141 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have a roommate who's been living with me since feburary and they have a thing where they drink a lot of milk. like a lot. and that's fine in and of itself drink what you want and eat what you want. but i've been the one working the most and getting most to almost all the grocheries. it's tuesday/wednesday (after midnight so technically wednesday) and i had just got a gallon of milk on monday, my roommate comes back and says we'll need milk tomorrow (meaning wednesday) and i asked them if they could slow dowm on their milk intake. they got upset and said that they'd just stop drinking milk in general, i said they didn't have to do that i just asked if they could slow down and they responded that they said they will just stop drinking the milk entirely. we got into an argument that ended with them running off to their room saying i didn't have to remind them that aren't normal. bro we're both neurodivergent and autistic. this is why i haven't asked this question in months- i have been afraid of their response. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i have a roommate who's been living with me since feburary and they have a thing where they drink a lot of milk. like a lot. and that's fine in and of itself drink what you want and eat what you want. but i've been the one working the most and getting most to almost all the grocheries. it's tuesday/wednesday (after midnight so technically wednesday) and i had just got a gallon of milk on monday, my roommate comes back and says we'll need milk tomorrow (meaning wednesday) and i asked them if they could slow dowm on their milk intake. they got upset and said that they'd just stop drinking milk in general, i said they didn't have to do that i just asked if they could slow down and they responded that they said they will just stop drinking the milk entirely. we got into an argument that ended with them running off to their room saying i didn't have to remind them that aren't normal. bro we're both neurodivergent and autistic. this is why i haven't asked this question in months- i have been afraid of their response. [/INST] info: why don’t you just buy seperate milk? he can buy his own milk and then it doesn’t matter. </s> |
AITA for telling my wife I don't care if it's "her turn" we're not naming our son Tuesday? | my wife (28f) and i (28m) have been together since we were 14. we got married at 21 and had our daughter at 25. last year, we were going through some marriage difficulties and decided a break would be in both of our best interests, we both just need a little time apart after being together for so long.
so we split, and in this time my wife felt pretty awful about herself (i initiated the break) and ended up hooking up with one of her longtime male friends and she got pregnant. at six months pregnant, we reconnected again and got back together. her friend had absolutely no interest in the baby (he had begged her to abort) and told us he would not play a role in the baby's life whatsoever. we agreed and plan to raise him together.
anyway, that's the backstory. it's been two months since then and we've been really late on the names, i know. the deal was i named our daughter charlotte (my wife didn't actually like the name but she agreed so long as she got to name the next kid) and she can name our next child. she came up to me yesterday and told me she was reading a book and found the perfect name. i asked her what and she said "tuesday". when she first said it, i admittedly laughed out loud and i asked her if she was serious. she said yes, she was, and it's her decision.
i followed her around the house and told her absolutely no way were we naming our son tuesday, he'd get made so much fun of! my wife said no he wouldn't, lots of kids have unique names and aren't bullied. i told her that yes, unique names not days of the week. she wasn't hearing it and pointed out she hated the name charlotte and agreed on the basis she would get to name the next kid.
i argued that's a totally different thing, charlotte is a normal name, our daughter won't get laughed at because of it. my wife got frustrated and after arguing on and off for the rest of the day she finally told me he wasn't even my kid. i just walked off and although she came right back and apologized and that she didn't mean it, i was fucking pissed.
i'm not talking to her right not but i'm holding steadfast we won't name him tuesday. i don't think i'm the asshole at all but some ammunition would be helpful when i explain to my wife exactly why it's such a ridiculous name. so tell me, aita? | 13,097 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hyik3b/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_dont_care_if_its_her/ | 2020-07-27 00:58:05 | esh. the whole thing is a mess, you guys should have agreed on names you both liked with the first kid. the whole situation baffles me. | you're planning to raise another man's child with your almost ex wife, your relationship is evidently on thin ice and you think your problem is the kid's name?
jesus. esh. | esh. your whole naming convection sucks. you both should have agreed to your daughter’s name and you both should agree to your new baby’s name. coparenting means working together and communicating. | yta. this is why you should never make an “i name this baby you name the next baby” deal. healthy couples make decisions together and don’t knowingly pick a name the other parent hates. you got your name, and while i agree that tuesday is a stupid name, it’s her turn. you played the game, these are the rules #winstupidprizes | yta. you shouldn't have insisted on naming your daughter charlotte when you knew your wife didn't like it. now that you did, you can't go back on your agreement. tuesday is a bad name but i've heard worse. don't make agreements like this in the future, but this one's on you.
also, we're here to judge, not give you 'ammunition' against your wife. | yta. she gets to name the baby, that was the deal. also, asking for ammunition automatically makes you an ah.
side not: i’m a teacher and tuesday is not weird enough to register on anybody’s radar in middle school. | esh. you stuck with charlotte even though she didn’t like it. but i’ve only seen tuesday used as a girl’s name (my stepmom), and she got teased. even as an adult, people make jokes she’s heard 20,000,000 times in her life. charlotte is at least immediately identifiable as a name whereas people will always associate tuesday with a day of the week first.
also your wife’s comment about the baby not being yours was totally out of line, and i think you should definitely revisit that with her. | esh. she didn’t like charlotte. but you didn’t care. now you are changing the rules. | yta. or maybe esh. either way you’re both immature and need to grow the fuck up. you sound like you’re still 14. adult couples don’t “take turns” naming their children. these are people - future adults - not pets. and now you’re not talking to her and asking strangers on the internet for “ammunition” to use against her? jfc. | i've always liked the name tuesday, but i find it more feminine than masculine. maybe she'd agree to it as a middle name. but frankly, she didn't like the name charlotte, and you still went ahead with it. regardless of the name, her daughter has a name she doesn't like. and that sucks.
yta because going back on the agreement and then coming to reddit for "ammunition" is an ah move. | ESH | ESH | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | ESH | ESH | YTA | YTA | 0.015625 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (28f) and i (28m) have been together since we were 14. we got married at 21 and had our daughter at 25. last year, we were going through some marriage difficulties and decided a break would be in both of our best interests, we both just need a little time apart after being together for so long. so we split, and in this time my wife felt pretty awful about herself (i initiated the break) and ended up hooking up with one of her longtime male friends and she got pregnant. at six months pregnant, we reconnected again and got back together. her friend had absolutely no interest in the baby (he had begged her to abort) and told us he would not play a role in the baby's life whatsoever. we agreed and plan to raise him together. anyway, that's the backstory. it's been two months since then and we've been really late on the names, i know. the deal was i named our daughter charlotte (my wife didn't actually like the name but she agreed so long as she got to name the next kid) and she can name our next child. she came up to me yesterday and told me she was reading a book and found the perfect name. i asked her what and she said "tuesday". when she first said it, i admittedly laughed out loud and i asked her if she was serious. she said yes, she was, and it's her decision. i followed her around the house and told her absolutely no way were we naming our son tuesday, he'd get made so much fun of! my wife said no he wouldn't, lots of kids have unique names and aren't bullied. i told her that yes, unique names not days of the week. she wasn't hearing it and pointed out she hated the name charlotte and agreed on the basis she would get to name the next kid. i argued that's a totally different thing, charlotte is a normal name, our daughter won't get laughed at because of it. my wife got frustrated and after arguing on and off for the rest of the day she finally told me he wasn't even my kid. i just walked off and although she came right back and apologized and that she didn't mean it, i was fucking pissed. i'm not talking to her right not but i'm holding steadfast we won't name him tuesday. i don't think i'm the asshole at all but some ammunition would be helpful when i explain to my wife exactly why it's such a ridiculous name. so tell me, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (28f) and i (28m) have been together since we were 14. we got married at 21 and had our daughter at 25. last year, we were going through some marriage difficulties and decided a break would be in both of our best interests, we both just need a little time apart after being together for so long. so we split, and in this time my wife felt pretty awful about herself (i initiated the break) and ended up hooking up with one of her longtime male friends and she got pregnant. at six months pregnant, we reconnected again and got back together. her friend had absolutely no interest in the baby (he had begged her to abort) and told us he would not play a role in the baby's life whatsoever. we agreed and plan to raise him together. anyway, that's the backstory. it's been two months since then and we've been really late on the names, i know. the deal was i named our daughter charlotte (my wife didn't actually like the name but she agreed so long as she got to name the next kid) and she can name our next child. she came up to me yesterday and told me she was reading a book and found the perfect name. i asked her what and she said "tuesday". when she first said it, i admittedly laughed out loud and i asked her if she was serious. she said yes, she was, and it's her decision. i followed her around the house and told her absolutely no way were we naming our son tuesday, he'd get made so much fun of! my wife said no he wouldn't, lots of kids have unique names and aren't bullied. i told her that yes, unique names not days of the week. she wasn't hearing it and pointed out she hated the name charlotte and agreed on the basis she would get to name the next kid. i argued that's a totally different thing, charlotte is a normal name, our daughter won't get laughed at because of it. my wife got frustrated and after arguing on and off for the rest of the day she finally told me he wasn't even my kid. i just walked off and although she came right back and apologized and that she didn't mean it, i was fucking pissed. i'm not talking to her right not but i'm holding steadfast we won't name him tuesday. i don't think i'm the asshole at all but some ammunition would be helpful when i explain to my wife exactly why it's such a ridiculous name. so tell me, aita? [/INST] esh. the whole thing is a mess, you guys should have agreed on names you both liked with the first kid. the whole situation baffles me. </s> |
Aita for taking someone else's kid to Red Lobster for their birthday because they couldn't afford it? | i (45m) am a single father to my 14 year old daughter, h. we are lucky enough to be in a very good financial situation even though the pandemic. h's best friend m(14f) had her birthday a week ago and was apparently promised that she could go to red lobster for her birthday. i know that m's family struggles financially and h told me that m's dad lost his job due to the pandemic. unfortunately m's family couldn't afford to take m to red lobster and h told me that m was very upset. i told h that m could sleepover and we could go to red lobster as a birthday surprise for her. we went and had a blast and m told her parents the next morning. m's mom calls me and starts berating me about 'trying to prove that i am a better parent because i have money' and how it was rude of me to take m out to eat. i feel bad that i upset m's family but i was honestly just trying to be nice. aita? | 9,051 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ivt4gz/aita_for_taking_someone_elses_kid_to_red_lobster/ | 2020-09-19 14:05:39 | nah. i don't think they should have yelled at you, but i think maybe you should have talked to the parents first. this just have been horribly embarrassing for them, realizing that others in the community are finding out about their financial struggles and taking pity on their child who they can't afford to take out to red lobster. i get that you wanted to help, but i do think that this likely felt like charity to them and for many people accepting charity from others is not something they're comfortable with. | nah - or maybe a very minor e s h situation.
you should have cleared it with m’s parents first, or better yet had your daughter give her a gift card so she could go with her family as planned. but it was sweet of you to cheer her up.
next time take those good intentions and try to be a little bit more thoughtful about how your actions will effect everyone involved, not just the person you’re trying to help. | [deleted] | gonna say nah because you had the best intentions, but it's something you should have asked about first. you could have done another restaurant or something else to make sure her birthday was special, but doing the thing her parents planned to do then couldn't afford can unintentionally look like upstaging the parents, which seems like why they're upset | nta. that was awfully nice and sweet of you to do. you’re a good person. | that's really something you should have checked with the parents about. | nta: why would they rather have a sad daughter than a happy one? like. they want their kid to suffer for no reason. you're nta. keep doing what you're doing. you sound like a great dad. | nah. you tried to do a nice thing for your child's friend, but you should have spoken to the parents. they shouldn't have shouted at you but i remember how sad my parents would get when they couldn't afford things for my siblings and i and they're probably just stressed and upset, rather than actually angry. | yta a little bit, even though you meant well. it would have been better if you would have included the parents and treated everyone. or maybe even (on the downlow) given the parents a rl gift card so they could take her out. but instead you kind of stole their family’s birthday plan for her. that was supposed to be their thing, and you made it yours. | nta at all, that’s great of you, from what i’ve read you had no ill intentions and it just sounds like m’s mum is insecure about her financial situation, whilst understandable, it doesn’t mean she can berate you
stay a king | NAH | NAH | null | NAH | NTA | null | NTA | NAH | YTA | NTA | 0.153093 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (45m) am a single father to my 14 year old daughter, h. we are lucky enough to be in a very good financial situation even though the pandemic. h's best friend m(14f) had her birthday a week ago and was apparently promised that she could go to red lobster for her birthday. i know that m's family struggles financially and h told me that m's dad lost his job due to the pandemic. unfortunately m's family couldn't afford to take m to red lobster and h told me that m was very upset. i told h that m could sleepover and we could go to red lobster as a birthday surprise for her. we went and had a blast and m told her parents the next morning. m's mom calls me and starts berating me about 'trying to prove that i am a better parent because i have money' and how it was rude of me to take m out to eat. i feel bad that i upset m's family but i was honestly just trying to be nice. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (45m) am a single father to my 14 year old daughter, h. we are lucky enough to be in a very good financial situation even though the pandemic. h's best friend m(14f) had her birthday a week ago and was apparently promised that she could go to red lobster for her birthday. i know that m's family struggles financially and h told me that m's dad lost his job due to the pandemic. unfortunately m's family couldn't afford to take m to red lobster and h told me that m was very upset. i told h that m could sleepover and we could go to red lobster as a birthday surprise for her. we went and had a blast and m told her parents the next morning. m's mom calls me and starts berating me about 'trying to prove that i am a better parent because i have money' and how it was rude of me to take m out to eat. i feel bad that i upset m's family but i was honestly just trying to be nice. aita? [/INST] nah. i don't think they should have yelled at you, but i think maybe you should have talked to the parents first. this just have been horribly embarrassing for them, realizing that others in the community are finding out about their financial struggles and taking pity on their child who they can't afford to take out to red lobster. i get that you wanted to help, but i do think that this likely felt like charity to them and for many people accepting charity from others is not something they're comfortable with. </s> |
AITA for insulting a waitress for asking about my dad's missing fingers? | this one's a sort of quick story but it requires a little background.
last year, my dad was in an accident where one finger was ripped off and the other was crushed so badly it had to be removed. it's been a really tough road for him because he works in construction but it's been just under 6 months and he's doing really well (yay, dad!). it's on his left hand so people don't see it much and because the middle two fingers are the ones left, it's sometimes not too obvious when you meet him.
now, fast forward to literally a few hours ago. we're eating at some diner and our waitress was lovely. she was super funny, super nice and just super until it happened.
she's taking the plates away and my dad picked up his plate to help her. once she took the plate she noticed, pointed at my dad's hand and said, "woah! what happened?" and laughed. dad immediately hid his hand. the way the lady asked made her sound like a kid at the zoo.
my dad is a very sweet man and doesn't like conflict so he kind of brushed it off with, "i had an accident a while back."
the waitress looks around then shouts, "what happened? i didn't hear!"
dad is obviously embarrassed but still, a little louder, says, "i had an accident."
she starts talking about how she was a nurse in canada, dad gave short answers until she walked off. we all sat in shock for a while then it came time to pay for the meal, i said i would very happily.
the waitress brings me to the register and i pay, my family is waiting slightly off to the side. i saw the waitress looking at the tip jar (i live in australia so tips aren't essential and workers get paid the same as retail workers), i laughed and shook my head, "if you wanted a tip then you shouldn't have been a bitch and embarrassed my dad."
she got defensive, "i was only curious."
i quickly pointed out, "people don't lose fingers for fun. if you were any good at being a nurse then you would know that, asshole."
i left after we paid and my mum reprimanded me for being nasty. she said i was an asshole for being rude which yes, i probably shouldn't have been but the waitress also shouldn't have laughed at my dad's hand.
is my mum right? am i the asshole? | 3,111 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bnmymi/aita_for_insulting_a_waitress_for_asking_about_my/ | 2019-05-12 08:51:10 | esh.
the waitress was tactless and honestly that might have contributed to the fact that she *was* a nurse, but the way you handled it was rude and aggressive.
don’t tip her, that’s fine, but calling her a bitch was unnecessary. | nta. this lady is a grown adult and should know better than to laugh and ask questions about someone’s medical history when they obviously didn’t want to discuss it. | esh, she was a little too snoopy into your personal business than she should’ve have and impolite. you’re not ta for not tipping, you’re ta for calling her bitch and confronting her, it was unnecessary | nta. it's never appropriate to ask nosy questions to strangers about their bodies. it's especially not appropriate as a service professional to embarrass your customers about their bodies.
you could've perhaps used a different word than bitch, but that's more of a nitpick. the disparity in assholery is vast enough to let the language slide. the waitress is the asshole here, 100%. | esh the waitress could have managed herself better around your father yes but what you did was uncalled for i get you were upset but still you acted like she was insulting your father the whole night | yta by a long shot. your rudeness didn’t make the situation better for anyone - the waitress would have been upset by what you said and your dad was probably even more embarrassed because you made such a big deal of it. your mum obviously was. it’s made worse by the fact that she wouldn’t have expected a tip (not australian custom) and so you basically fabricated an excuse to bring it up so you could be outraged on behalf of your dad and ruin someone else’s day. | yta because you responded to a lack of social tact as if she were mocking or intentionally trying to hurt your father’s feeling, which she was obviously not. the misalignment between her actions and your reaction makes you the asshole, because her rudeness was unintentional and yours was not.
and for what it’s worth, not everyone who has lost fingers is sensitive or unwilling to talk about the experience. it is totally fine if your dad does not want to talk about it with strangers, but my step dad is a woodworker (not a very good one, lol) and is missing four fingers because of accidents. when people ask, he is happy to tell them, oftentimes in gruesome detail, about his accidents (yes, plural). i’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if i yelled at someone on his behalf for asking, because he’s an adult who can speak for himself. the point is, you need to talk to your dad figure out how to politely handle these situations in the future, because it will happen again. | yta. she didn't even ask you about the tip. you are desperately trying a way to act like an asshole. | nta- while you were harsh i believe from this she’ll soon learn to be more discreet. tbh in her line of work she should know that by now. if she used to be a nurse she is probably desensitised to this sort of thing, but she isn’t a nurse anymore. completely lacking tact and empathy. | esh. as someone with a disability, i find it’s a good thing when people ask questions, especially children (who are often taught not to but instead grow up to ignore us like the plague and instead just stare at us like a freak show). in time, your dad may find the confidence to answer questions. it’s a new disability though, a fresh emotional wound.
however, nurse was shitty for her tactless approach. you should laugh when asking someone about their disability. (unless you know them and that’s chill).
you were shitty for your additional comeback with your verbal response to her. you could have simply not tipped and went on about it but you caused a scene, which probably just embarrassed your dad more and didn’t help to educate the lady at all. | ESH | NTA | ESH | NTA | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | NTA | ESH | 0.519938 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this one's a sort of quick story but it requires a little background. last year, my dad was in an accident where one finger was ripped off and the other was crushed so badly it had to be removed. it's been a really tough road for him because he works in construction but it's been just under 6 months and he's doing really well (yay, dad!). it's on his left hand so people don't see it much and because the middle two fingers are the ones left, it's sometimes not too obvious when you meet him. now, fast forward to literally a few hours ago. we're eating at some diner and our waitress was lovely. she was super funny, super nice and just super until it happened. she's taking the plates away and my dad picked up his plate to help her. once she took the plate she noticed, pointed at my dad's hand and said, "woah! what happened?" and laughed. dad immediately hid his hand. the way the lady asked made her sound like a kid at the zoo. my dad is a very sweet man and doesn't like conflict so he kind of brushed it off with, "i had an accident a while back." the waitress looks around then shouts, "what happened? i didn't hear!" dad is obviously embarrassed but still, a little louder, says, "i had an accident." she starts talking about how she was a nurse in canada, dad gave short answers until she walked off. we all sat in shock for a while then it came time to pay for the meal, i said i would very happily. the waitress brings me to the register and i pay, my family is waiting slightly off to the side. i saw the waitress looking at the tip jar (i live in australia so tips aren't essential and workers get paid the same as retail workers), i laughed and shook my head, "if you wanted a tip then you shouldn't have been a bitch and embarrassed my dad." she got defensive, "i was only curious." i quickly pointed out, "people don't lose fingers for fun. if you were any good at being a nurse then you would know that, asshole." i left after we paid and my mum reprimanded me for being nasty. she said i was an asshole for being rude which yes, i probably shouldn't have been but the waitress also shouldn't have laughed at my dad's hand. is my mum right? am i the asshole? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this one's a sort of quick story but it requires a little background. last year, my dad was in an accident where one finger was ripped off and the other was crushed so badly it had to be removed. it's been a really tough road for him because he works in construction but it's been just under 6 months and he's doing really well (yay, dad!). it's on his left hand so people don't see it much and because the middle two fingers are the ones left, it's sometimes not too obvious when you meet him. now, fast forward to literally a few hours ago. we're eating at some diner and our waitress was lovely. she was super funny, super nice and just super until it happened. she's taking the plates away and my dad picked up his plate to help her. once she took the plate she noticed, pointed at my dad's hand and said, "woah! what happened?" and laughed. dad immediately hid his hand. the way the lady asked made her sound like a kid at the zoo. my dad is a very sweet man and doesn't like conflict so he kind of brushed it off with, "i had an accident a while back." the waitress looks around then shouts, "what happened? i didn't hear!" dad is obviously embarrassed but still, a little louder, says, "i had an accident." she starts talking about how she was a nurse in canada, dad gave short answers until she walked off. we all sat in shock for a while then it came time to pay for the meal, i said i would very happily. the waitress brings me to the register and i pay, my family is waiting slightly off to the side. i saw the waitress looking at the tip jar (i live in australia so tips aren't essential and workers get paid the same as retail workers), i laughed and shook my head, "if you wanted a tip then you shouldn't have been a bitch and embarrassed my dad." she got defensive, "i was only curious." i quickly pointed out, "people don't lose fingers for fun. if you were any good at being a nurse then you would know that, asshole." i left after we paid and my mum reprimanded me for being nasty. she said i was an asshole for being rude which yes, i probably shouldn't have been but the waitress also shouldn't have laughed at my dad's hand. is my mum right? am i the asshole? [/INST] esh. the waitress was tactless and honestly that might have contributed to the fact that she *was* a nurse, but the way you handled it was rude and aggressive. don’t tip her, that’s fine, but calling her a bitch was unnecessary. </s> |
AITA for not caring about a coworker's miscarriage. | i have this coworker, let's call her sally.
sally always gets off work early, gets longer lunch breaks, and constantly makes excuses because she had a miscarriage 25 years ago(older than me). i usually don't care, but i had to finish a project all by myself, and i had to work overtime to finish it. this cut into date night with my wife, sally got to leave work 1 hour early, like usual.
the next day, i'm pretty pissed. i was forced to work an extra couple hours, and it cut into my lovey time. sally starts to say her thing "uhh. i think i have to leave an hour early again". then i finish her thing. "yeah, we know. you have to pray for your dead child". honestly i didn't mean to say it out loud. it was just something i was thinking. i felt so shitty afterwards.
my coworkers surprisingly said nothing to me. sally on the other hand called me an asshole while crying. aita? | 5,838 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq8d9l/aita_for_not_caring_about_a_coworkers_miscarriage/ | 2019-11-01 18:38:51 | esh- it's clear she has depression or something and you don't know how much this has affected her, on the other hand, 25 years ago was awhile ago and it may be time to slightly grow up. | yta - no question about it.
if sally's supervisor is allowing her to leave early, why are you holding it against sally? take it up with the supervisor. | yta because this gotta be a shitpost. no one is getting out of work constantly for a miscarriage 25 years ago. | yta. why the fuck would you say something like that?
obviously any excuse that took place 25 years ago is absurd, but the miscarriage is none of your business. your problem isn't with sally it's with your management and the way they handle distribution of the work when she's not around. a coworker leaving early should not affect you in any way. if it does, that's your manager's problem to deal with and you should take it up with them. | >"yeah, we know. you have to pray for your dead child".
wow. you really have to ask? yes, yta. | yta, but i suspect you know that already. however if this is causing you genuine difficulty at work then, as another commenter said, you need to talk to someone higher up to find a way of managing the workload. | info: can you explain this more? she leaves early to pray for the child she miscarried? or she just used her previous miscarriage as an excuse? i don’t really understand what is actually happening. | esh, but i'd say ta is more your employer than anyone else. she is a paid employee with responsibilities to finish her work. if she has to leave early or take longer lunch breaks she should be expected to come in earlier or something, or take a pay cut for time missed and the employer should be taking on the responsibility of ensuring her work is covered due to their enabling of her behavior. your comment was, while understandable, unwarranted and cruel, and sally is being unreasonable although i understand her grief. i'd honestly apologize for hurting her feelings and then go to your boss and say they need to make alternative arrangements for sally's workload because you are not picking up the slack any longer. hopefully you were at least paid for this overtime. | yta - has it ever occurred to you that maybe you don't have the full story? that it's possible the miscarriage isn't the only thing going on and you aren't in the loop enough to know it all? even if you did, that's a heartless thing to say. if it's approved by the supervisor then take it up with him. if you don't get the answer you want then quit. you don't get to emotionally abuse someone else about it. you feel bad because you should. | yta
you didn't have to be so offensive and tell her she has to pray about her dead child. that's a bit messed up. | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | INFO | ESH | YTA | YTA | 0.013266 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have this coworker, let's call her sally. sally always gets off work early, gets longer lunch breaks, and constantly makes excuses because she had a miscarriage 25 years ago(older than me). i usually don't care, but i had to finish a project all by myself, and i had to work overtime to finish it. this cut into date night with my wife, sally got to leave work 1 hour early, like usual. the next day, i'm pretty pissed. i was forced to work an extra couple hours, and it cut into my lovey time. sally starts to say her thing "uhh. i think i have to leave an hour early again". then i finish her thing. "yeah, we know. you have to pray for your dead child". honestly i didn't mean to say it out loud. it was just something i was thinking. i felt so shitty afterwards. my coworkers surprisingly said nothing to me. sally on the other hand called me an asshole while crying. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have this coworker, let's call her sally. sally always gets off work early, gets longer lunch breaks, and constantly makes excuses because she had a miscarriage 25 years ago(older than me). i usually don't care, but i had to finish a project all by myself, and i had to work overtime to finish it. this cut into date night with my wife, sally got to leave work 1 hour early, like usual. the next day, i'm pretty pissed. i was forced to work an extra couple hours, and it cut into my lovey time. sally starts to say her thing "uhh. i think i have to leave an hour early again". then i finish her thing. "yeah, we know. you have to pray for your dead child". honestly i didn't mean to say it out loud. it was just something i was thinking. i felt so shitty afterwards. my coworkers surprisingly said nothing to me. sally on the other hand called me an asshole while crying. aita? [/INST] esh- it's clear she has depression or something and you don't know how much this has affected her, on the other hand, 25 years ago was awhile ago and it may be time to slightly grow up. </s> |
AITA for not letting an overweight girl ride my aging horse | ok so i had two friends over yesterday to my house. one of them is about as tall as me 5’5and preety skinny let’s call her ruby. and my other friend is probably around 5’7 and she’s my friend im not trying to be mean but she is fat and she knows it because she said it before let’s call her amber.
but anyways so we go outside i have two horses. one is a very big horse and needs an advanced rider because he’ll misbehave and spook a lot. my other horse is older he’s 20y/o for a horse that’s kind of old but not that bad like 55 in human years. i let ruby get on my 20 y/o horse who is also kind of small, a few inches taller then a pony. i get on my larger horse because i know i can handle him.
amber said she would rather stay back and just chat with my brother and play with the goats. i was kind of relived because i didn’t have a horse for her to ride. ruby and i went on a short ride in the woods maybe 20 mins and came back. when we came back this is how the conversation went.
amber: ok i want to try riding a horse:
me: uh i dunno they’re probably pretty tired maybe next time
amber: yah that’s a lie you’ve told me you’ve gone on trail rides for hours. let me just ride the 20y/o around.
me: umm amber i think he’s to small and he’s pretty old to
amber:well let me ride the big one just to try
me: idk if that will help with your fear of horses he’ll probably buck you off and you might get hurt
amber pushes past me to try and get on my 20 y/o and ruby is just watching. i push her away from him. me: you can not get on him! you are way to fat he’s old and you can seriously hurt him! i’m not going to let you break his back! and you can get on my other horse because you have no idea how to ride ok! so just back off.
that’s when amber goes on to say about how we’re calling fat and i’m so fake and that i’m just being a petty bitch. then she calls her mom and gets picked up. ruby said that i was being an asshole and i should’ve just let her get on for a second and i should probably text her apologize. but i’m going to put my animals health before her. aita for doing what i did? | 3,742 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fnkiyr/aita_for_not_letting_an_overweight_girl_ride_my/ | 2020-03-23 14:07:25 | esh - c'mon you were terribly rude. it also kind of seems like you would've excluded you friend from this activity if your brother hadn't been there.
she sucks for trying to push past you. | yta - you knew amber would not be able to ride either horse from the beginning but still picked to do that activity. you could have easily just said no to both your friends and done something different everyone could enjoy. | nta. i'm so sick of the nonsense in this sub where the second someone gets *reasonably* pissed at someone behaving like a moron they're labelled shitty as well. you tried numerous times to let her down gently. you made excuses. you even tried to physically stop her. you only said what you said when she *refused* to listen.
when someone physically tries to push past you to ride your horse after numerous warnings, it's okay to tell them off. the people on this sub act as if you're never allowed to have a breaking point. | info: how fat is your friend? i need an approximate weight because i’ve owned and ridden horses competitively for 30 years and unless she was over 220 lbs, which is the standard weight limit for the average horse (horses can safely carry 20% of their body weight), the way you acted was incredibly rude. even if she was heavier than that, letting her ride for a few minutes would not have caused any harm unless she’s like 300+ lbs.
if you knew you wouldn’t be letting her ride then why did you even go riding? asking a friend to sit on the sidelines for an activity because you think they’re too fat is being a terrible friend. you should’ve selected an activity that everyone could enjoy together. your behavior was uncalled for, start to finish.
leaning towards yta. | why are you guys hanging out?? there is a plague out there and you're worried about this?
stop it. | info- why would you decide to ride horses if you knew you didn’t want one of your friends joining in? i think it’s pretty rude to knowingly exclude someone | esh. her for being pushy, and you for your choice of words. should have stuck with "the horse is tired" and left the fat part out. | nta.
contrary to what amber seems to think horses aren't furniture - and the older they are the less likely they are to recover from injury, and if the larger horse bucks your friend off their back that's almost guaranteed to be a serious injury. | yta its not even about what was said but why not pick an activity everyone can enjoy? | as someone who used to do guided trails for a living and faced this literally every day, a gentle yta.
first and foremost you did right by your aging horse and i commend you for that. you know your horse and what she can handle best, don't second guess yourself on that. the "20% rule" is utter bullshit and does not take into account the horse's conformation, how well conditioned it is, underlying medical issues and the myriad of other factors that can affect how much of a workload it can handle. this includes rider capabilities. an inexperienced unbalanced rider is a sack of potatoes in the saddle no matter what size they are, heavier riders are just heavier sacks of potatoes. any horseperson worth their salt knows that.
you cannot expect a person unfamiliar with the biomechanics of riding to understand this though, so the onus is on you to explain it without being an asshole if you care at all about the feelings of the person you are explaining it to. you were kind of an asshole about it. "i'm sorry but because of her age and physical limitations my vet recommends she only be used lightly and not carry riders above x weight, and i choose to follow my veterinarian's advice regarding the matter" is one diplomatic way to put it. any arguments afterward met with a firm "no, this is not up for discussion anymore". overweight people know they are overweight, they don't need to be told they are fat. i myself have a horse i've owned for 24 years that had to be retired due to advancing age and a significant weight gain after a severe riding injury so i really do get both sides of this.
a nice peace offering to your friend if you feel inclined to arrange it would be to set up a lesson for her using an appropriate sized horse and taught by an instructor experienced with beginners. that way she could learn in a safe controlled environment on a suitable mount. just throwing that out there if you want to mend fences with your friend. also, apologize to her for being so harsh. | ESH | YTA | NTA | INFO | null | INFO | ESH | NTA | YTA | YTA | 0.453392 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok so i had two friends over yesterday to my house. one of them is about as tall as me 5’5and preety skinny let’s call her ruby. and my other friend is probably around 5’7 and she’s my friend im not trying to be mean but she is fat and she knows it because she said it before let’s call her amber. but anyways so we go outside i have two horses. one is a very big horse and needs an advanced rider because he’ll misbehave and spook a lot. my other horse is older he’s 20y/o for a horse that’s kind of old but not that bad like 55 in human years. i let ruby get on my 20 y/o horse who is also kind of small, a few inches taller then a pony. i get on my larger horse because i know i can handle him. amber said she would rather stay back and just chat with my brother and play with the goats. i was kind of relived because i didn’t have a horse for her to ride. ruby and i went on a short ride in the woods maybe 20 mins and came back. when we came back this is how the conversation went. amber: ok i want to try riding a horse: me: uh i dunno they’re probably pretty tired maybe next time amber: yah that’s a lie you’ve told me you’ve gone on trail rides for hours. let me just ride the 20y/o around. me: umm amber i think he’s to small and he’s pretty old to amber:well let me ride the big one just to try me: idk if that will help with your fear of horses he’ll probably buck you off and you might get hurt amber pushes past me to try and get on my 20 y/o and ruby is just watching. i push her away from him. me: you can not get on him! you are way to fat he’s old and you can seriously hurt him! i’m not going to let you break his back! and you can get on my other horse because you have no idea how to ride ok! so just back off. that’s when amber goes on to say about how we’re calling fat and i’m so fake and that i’m just being a petty bitch. then she calls her mom and gets picked up. ruby said that i was being an asshole and i should’ve just let her get on for a second and i should probably text her apologize. but i’m going to put my animals health before her. aita for doing what i did? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok so i had two friends over yesterday to my house. one of them is about as tall as me 5’5and preety skinny let’s call her ruby. and my other friend is probably around 5’7 and she’s my friend im not trying to be mean but she is fat and she knows it because she said it before let’s call her amber. but anyways so we go outside i have two horses. one is a very big horse and needs an advanced rider because he’ll misbehave and spook a lot. my other horse is older he’s 20y/o for a horse that’s kind of old but not that bad like 55 in human years. i let ruby get on my 20 y/o horse who is also kind of small, a few inches taller then a pony. i get on my larger horse because i know i can handle him. amber said she would rather stay back and just chat with my brother and play with the goats. i was kind of relived because i didn’t have a horse for her to ride. ruby and i went on a short ride in the woods maybe 20 mins and came back. when we came back this is how the conversation went. amber: ok i want to try riding a horse: me: uh i dunno they’re probably pretty tired maybe next time amber: yah that’s a lie you’ve told me you’ve gone on trail rides for hours. let me just ride the 20y/o around. me: umm amber i think he’s to small and he’s pretty old to amber:well let me ride the big one just to try me: idk if that will help with your fear of horses he’ll probably buck you off and you might get hurt amber pushes past me to try and get on my 20 y/o and ruby is just watching. i push her away from him. me: you can not get on him! you are way to fat he’s old and you can seriously hurt him! i’m not going to let you break his back! and you can get on my other horse because you have no idea how to ride ok! so just back off. that’s when amber goes on to say about how we’re calling fat and i’m so fake and that i’m just being a petty bitch. then she calls her mom and gets picked up. ruby said that i was being an asshole and i should’ve just let her get on for a second and i should probably text her apologize. but i’m going to put my animals health before her. aita for doing what i did? [/INST] esh - c'mon you were terribly rude. it also kind of seems like you would've excluded you friend from this activity if your brother hadn't been there. she sucks for trying to push past you. </s> |
AITA for not even wanting to try an aesexual relationship? | my gf since june just “came out” to me as aesexual. i knew the term and honestly never thought about how their lives are. i guess i just figured they lived alone.
my gf however just told me that she was aesexual. i asked her about our sex and she said she had been faking it. that she didn’t want to lose me.
i feel so gross. we have had sex a lot. if she didn’t enjoy that, it’s just idk wrong.
she cried when i said i don’t think i can have a relationship without sex. like sobbed. she said that’s why she never told me.
i asked her how she saw our relationship progressing. she was really adamant that we could make it work. that we could even have kids. but as far as sex i could just get sex toys.
a relationship with her on her terms really just sounds like friends with a kid. i already have friends. i don’t want to have a kid with them.
she’s super emotional right now, i don’t know how to deal with it honestly. her friendship relationship doesn’t work for me. | 11,081 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/audl4e/aita_for_not_even_wanting_to_try_an_aesexual/ | 2019-02-24 22:40:30 | nah but try not to make assumptions about how it's "wrong" based on your own ideas of how sex should work for her. asexual people do have sex with their partners and maybe they're not aroused the way you are, but they can still enjoy the intimacy, or enjoy pleasuring you. it's not an all or nothing. if that doesn't work for you, it's ok to respectfully break it off. | nah. you’re simply incompatible, and that’s okay. it’s time to end it as peacefully as possible. i understand her fear to tell you because she didn’t want to lose you, but you can’t have a relationship where one person wants sex and the other doesn’t. it’s an unfortunate fact of life. | nah - you're not an asshole but neither is she.
asexuality just means that she doesn't experience sexual attraction - not that she doesn't get horny or enjoy the act (though, judging by what you wrote, she wasn't enjoying it).
you're not an asshole for not being able to be in a relationship with an asexual person - but she's also not an asshole for being asexual.
you need to be careful that don't cross over into the area of calling her any sorts of names or anything. | nta at all. sometimes people who really care about each other disagree on something extremely fundamental to their compatibility as a couple, like whether to have kids or how to manage money. it super duper sucks, but that's life. sexual compatibility is one of those things; it's totally reasonable for it to be a deal breaker. do what you gotta do. be nice, but if you don't want to do this, don't. | nta, you’re allowed to have sex be a deal breaker for you, that doesn’t make you an asshole. it’s completely ok to not want a sexless relationship or even to not want to try one. if you know that a fulfilling sex life is important to you, then you should end it sooner rather than later. you just aren’t compatible and that’s ok, rip off the bandaid so you both can find someone you’re compatible with instead of settling for an unfulfilling relationship.
as far as for her, she’s not ta for being asexual or wanting to continue a relationship with you after coming out. she would be ta if she *knew* she was asexual before you started dating and concealed it from you to coerce you into a relationship you wouldn’t have chosen if she were honest. she’s really the only one who knew when she had her realization, though, so it isn’t something we can pass judgment on. | nta
i'm disappointed in her response that you could just use sex toys as a substitute for a human being. does she not understand that beyond sex there's the intimacy involved with that? the touch, the desire, being desired by someone, seeing them respond to you. | nta- run. one of my dear friends got tricked into marrying a girl that hates sex. she claimed she wanted to wait for marriage. they've been married 8-9 years. she has sex with him on their anniversary and his birthday. he's so so so miserable. | nta. she should have communicated this a long time ago. imo, she was lying by omission about an important part of the majority of relationships. if she thought it might be a deal breaker, why would she get this deep into a relationship without bringing it up? | nta
i would have said no assholes but then i got to the point where “ you can just have toys”, | nta. are you the asshole for not wanting to have a homosexual relationship? no, you're not a homosexual. same principle applies. | NAH | NAH | NAH | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.005155 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf since june just “came out” to me as aesexual. i knew the term and honestly never thought about how their lives are. i guess i just figured they lived alone. my gf however just told me that she was aesexual. i asked her about our sex and she said she had been faking it. that she didn’t want to lose me. i feel so gross. we have had sex a lot. if she didn’t enjoy that, it’s just idk wrong. she cried when i said i don’t think i can have a relationship without sex. like sobbed. she said that’s why she never told me. i asked her how she saw our relationship progressing. she was really adamant that we could make it work. that we could even have kids. but as far as sex i could just get sex toys. a relationship with her on her terms really just sounds like friends with a kid. i already have friends. i don’t want to have a kid with them. she’s super emotional right now, i don’t know how to deal with it honestly. her friendship relationship doesn’t work for me. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my gf since june just “came out” to me as aesexual. i knew the term and honestly never thought about how their lives are. i guess i just figured they lived alone. my gf however just told me that she was aesexual. i asked her about our sex and she said she had been faking it. that she didn’t want to lose me. i feel so gross. we have had sex a lot. if she didn’t enjoy that, it’s just idk wrong. she cried when i said i don’t think i can have a relationship without sex. like sobbed. she said that’s why she never told me. i asked her how she saw our relationship progressing. she was really adamant that we could make it work. that we could even have kids. but as far as sex i could just get sex toys. a relationship with her on her terms really just sounds like friends with a kid. i already have friends. i don’t want to have a kid with them. she’s super emotional right now, i don’t know how to deal with it honestly. her friendship relationship doesn’t work for me. [/INST] nah but try not to make assumptions about how it's "wrong" based on your own ideas of how sex should work for her. asexual people do have sex with their partners and maybe they're not aroused the way you are, but they can still enjoy the intimacy, or enjoy pleasuring you. it's not an all or nothing. if that doesn't work for you, it's ok to respectfully break it off. </s> |
AITA for wanting to walk into my first home without my wife? | my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially.
my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all.
i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together.
we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds.
my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous. | 20,228 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovgj5e/aita_for_wanting_to_walk_into_my_first_home/ | 2021-07-31 22:34:53 | yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s) | yta - why did you get married if you don’t want to experience life with your wife? | yta. it’s a big moment for you. probably for her too. even if it’s not a big moment for her. sharing in each other’s big moments is usually a big part of marriage.
you telling her to wait in the car is a huge and unnecessary slight.
why are you even married if you’re still thinking in terms of mine and yours. | yta. you keep talking about “my house”, as if you were not married at the time of purchase. it’s your wife’s house too, bro. you are the one being selfish. | yta. the home is for both of you. | i would suggest asking yourself why you wouldn’t want to experience a significant moment in your life without your life partner. | yta. first, you're married. so you by nature share everything.
second, by you wanting to go in alone, you've now set the precedent that she doesn't belong there. its not our house, its your house. how can she feel comfortable there now? and, how can she feel like you are a partnership like you're supposed to be as a married couple if you are so possessive of such a huge joint responsibility? no wonder she feels uncomfortable. you need to do something to make her feel reassured that its her home too. | [deleted] | yta. apologise and reassess what you think it means to be married.
she is not being selfish - this is her new home too. you thinking the moment is more significant *without* her than *with* her? makes *you* selfish. your whole idea is that the moment isn't as special if it's shared with your wife.
your brother is right to call you ridiculous. if you hadn't come here to (presumably) get advice, i'd be ridiculing you right now.
but, you did. so yeah. apology, reassessment. marriage is a partnership, and your shared home isn't one of the things you get to claim for yourself any more. | yta. you sound like a brat. why did this woman even agree to marry you? bought a house and because you paid for it, you excluded your spouse?!? selfish, controlling, possessive, and probably a narcissist too. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous. [/INST] yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s) </s> |
AITA for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly | so i’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. i always expect their rooms to be clean, and i check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean.
the kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them.
ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, i am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. i expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers.
i read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. i considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, i think it’s the way to go for us.
i havent had to do this until yesterday, i walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. i started making a mess and she screamed “mom why?” and i told her she knew why.
after that i walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what i did and he says “your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and i peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying.
i told my husband what happened, he told me “i knew said you were gonna do that but i didn’t know you would actually follow through.”
this morning i woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “until mom can get mental help, i’m staying with aunt (my sister’s name)” i texted her, no response. i tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until i “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch”
my husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. i don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized. | 8,573 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/ | 2020-06-19 04:22:12 | yta
you know who acts like this?? marine corps drill instructors. why? to mentally f*** with recruits.
this is not okay within the family unit. its insane that you think it’s okay to control how your kids fold their clothes in their drawers. | yta - you shouldn't even be in your older two children's rooms much, let alone going through their drawers. plus just because they do it *differently* than you doesn't make the way they put away clothes *incorrect.* what you did was take objectively clean clothes and put them on a dirty floor. your oldest girl was right to go to the aunt for a cooling off period with you. she's in safe hands.
fwiw you *have to* give your teens some level of independence now for them to be functional adults later. (or for them to want any relationship with you). kids that are micromanaged, from what i've seen, really go a bit too wild in college and that not. so if you're trying to make everything backfire later, by all means continue being controlling to this unreasonable degree | yta. my mom used to do this and now we have minimum contact. seek mental help before you alienate your kids entirely because there's a difference between expecting a clean space and being an unreasonable control freak. | yta take a look at yourself bc i doubt this is the only thing that made her leave. you most likely have a pattern of being controlling and this was just the last straw. the way you decided to act was more akin to a child than an adult. you made a mess bc you didn’t get your way. that’s moronic | yta for sure... it’s their space, and tbh i don’t see how their drawers being organized bothers you at all.. so what if they just shove clothes in there? it’s their loss for being unorganized, but just let it go. i can sort of understand wanting a clean room but really? going into their space and making a mess? especially while she is on the phone with her boyfriend... how embarrassing... | ya i'd say yta
to start she's almost an adult. sure she should fold her clothes, but if she wants to walk around with wrinkly clothes that's her choice to make.
second, do you really not see how embarrassing that is? i'm sure if your mom pulled that same shit in front of your friends or boyfriend at that age you'd be pissed
honestly, if my mom was this crazy i probably wouldn't talk to her anymore. all you can really do is apologize and try going to therapy to work on whatever makes you think it's ok to embarrass your kids like that | uh... yta. what kind of controlling parent are you? checking their drawers to make sure they didn't just shove it in there to make it look neat. why do you care? also your solution: "hmm my kid didn't fold their laundry and i hate messes so let me dump everything out and make a mess." how is that supposed to achieve your goal? | yta- your daughter’s bf is right. get some therapy to figure out why it’s so important for you to control unimportant minutiae before it further damages your relationship with your family. | >which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them.
there is no problem with rolling your clothes. it leaves fewer creases and saves space. the fact it bothers you is a warning sign.
>opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there.
they had been put away, just not in the way you desire. your daughter will learn out of necessity one day, probably when she is out on her own. but really, the only downside to shoving them in is wrinkling when you want to wear them, which is remedied with an iron... or just not going outside at all due to covid. why does she need unwrinkled clothing right now anyway?
>i read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. i considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, i think it’s the way to go for us.
i would be very interested on hearing how that mommy bloggers relationship with her children is. most likely, it's in the toilet because of boundary crossings like this. a bad roll model to learn from.
your obsessive need to have everything neat even if you don't see it is a red flag. you should see a therapist to see why you need such control over your children's lives or to possibly diagnose something such as ocd.
yta | yta there’s better ways to teach your kids, maybe read up on techniques to properly do this. but also explain you want them to learn to be clean and organized versus being (and excuse me) b***chy, i feel this could have been approached better. make amends asap and find better ways to get your point across. otherwise your kids will learn to hate you and not want to talk to you. again yta | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. i always expect their rooms to be clean, and i check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean. the kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them. ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, i am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. i expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers. i read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. i considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, i think it’s the way to go for us. i havent had to do this until yesterday, i walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. i started making a mess and she screamed “mom why?” and i told her she knew why. after that i walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what i did and he says “your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and i peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying. i told my husband what happened, he told me “i knew said you were gonna do that but i didn’t know you would actually follow through.” this morning i woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “until mom can get mental help, i’m staying with aunt (my sister’s name)” i texted her, no response. i tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until i “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch” my husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. i don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. i always expect their rooms to be clean, and i check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean. the kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them. ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, i am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. i expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers. i read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. i considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, i think it’s the way to go for us. i havent had to do this until yesterday, i walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. i started making a mess and she screamed “mom why?” and i told her she knew why. after that i walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what i did and he says “your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and i peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying. i told my husband what happened, he told me “i knew said you were gonna do that but i didn’t know you would actually follow through.” this morning i woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “until mom can get mental help, i’m staying with aunt (my sister’s name)” i texted her, no response. i tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until i “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch” my husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. i don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized. [/INST] yta you know who acts like this?? marine corps drill instructors. why? to mentally f*** with recruits. this is not okay within the family unit. its insane that you think it’s okay to control how your kids fold their clothes in their drawers. </s> |
WIBTA if I asked my mother to share her workplace bonus with me? | my mother divorced my stepfather about a year before i began university. i still keep in touch with him now and then. a couple of years ago, he mentioned being glad that i didn't need to struggle with money in university because of the funds he allocated for me during the divorce settlements.
what funds? apparently around $15,000, which i had never heard about. my mother remodelled her house while i was away at university, and i had never known where that money had come from, as she doesn't have a very well-paid job and never had much in savings.
that money was meant for me, and she spent it without ever telling me. i've known this for around two years but never brought it up with her.
i'm currently studying for my master's degree, and have never received any financial support from my mother throughout my education. as a result, i have a little bit of student debt, and have been working pretty much full-time to try to cover for myself.
now, as i'm still struggling with money, she has just been told that she is getting a backdated pay increase from her job. she was supposed to be on a higher pay rate for the past 9 years, and the backdated bonus will amount to around $8,000.
she's been telling me how excited she is to spend it on some vacations with her new boyfriend.
wibta, would i be greedy, would i be petty, if i told her that i know about the $15k, and asked for a share of her $8k to help me cover my student expenses? | 6,731 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u71wsm/wibta_if_i_asked_my_mother_to_share_her_workplace/ | 2022-04-19 10:26:41 | info - have you told your father that you never got the 15k? you’re making assumptions without knowing facts. | nta
"hey mum, so i talked to ex step dad, and he mentioned funds he had give you for my education. how come i've never seen any of that money?" | i don’t think this is an appropriate solution but i understand the temptation. you need to discuss the 15k with your stepdad, your mother, and a lawyer. you’re entitled to the money if it was set aside for you legally in the divorce. this back alley plan is not the way to go about getting it but you’re nta for wanting what’s rightfully yours. | nta
thats great news mum, while we are on the subject of money, the money ex stepdad gave you for me during the divorce towards my education i am at a point where i actually need it now, could you transfer me it over please. i appreciate you looking after it for so long and it kept me from wasting it.
kill her with kindness when bringing it up and see how it goes from there it will show you, your mum's real colours good or bad. | nta. you and your stepdad need to consult an attorney. | nta for being upset. but you can’t make her share her bonus. stepdad should have given it directly to you if it was for you. that really sucks. | nta,
considering that you and your stepdad may have cause to pursue legal action against your mom, not necessarily criminal but at least civil legal action. giving you a large chunk of that $8k would be the least she should do. | info: have you seen evidence in writing that your stepfather actually allocated the $15,000 for you? was there a university fund set up? was it meant to come to you directly? when sf mentioned the money to you a few years ago, did you let him know you didn't receive it? | [deleted] | ywbta for demanding her bonus. but it'd be perfectly reasonable to ask about the education allocation from the divorce - mention that dad mentioned it to you, and you weren't aware of it. ask her if you could have it to subsidize your standard of living and see what she says. if she says she doesn't know what your talking about, act surprised, and ask to see the divorce agreement. if she refuses, there's your answer. your father probably has a copy. | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | null | YTA | 0.135296 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother divorced my stepfather about a year before i began university. i still keep in touch with him now and then. a couple of years ago, he mentioned being glad that i didn't need to struggle with money in university because of the funds he allocated for me during the divorce settlements. what funds? apparently around $15,000, which i had never heard about. my mother remodelled her house while i was away at university, and i had never known where that money had come from, as she doesn't have a very well-paid job and never had much in savings. that money was meant for me, and she spent it without ever telling me. i've known this for around two years but never brought it up with her. i'm currently studying for my master's degree, and have never received any financial support from my mother throughout my education. as a result, i have a little bit of student debt, and have been working pretty much full-time to try to cover for myself. now, as i'm still struggling with money, she has just been told that she is getting a backdated pay increase from her job. she was supposed to be on a higher pay rate for the past 9 years, and the backdated bonus will amount to around $8,000. she's been telling me how excited she is to spend it on some vacations with her new boyfriend. wibta, would i be greedy, would i be petty, if i told her that i know about the $15k, and asked for a share of her $8k to help me cover my student expenses? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mother divorced my stepfather about a year before i began university. i still keep in touch with him now and then. a couple of years ago, he mentioned being glad that i didn't need to struggle with money in university because of the funds he allocated for me during the divorce settlements. what funds? apparently around $15,000, which i had never heard about. my mother remodelled her house while i was away at university, and i had never known where that money had come from, as she doesn't have a very well-paid job and never had much in savings. that money was meant for me, and she spent it without ever telling me. i've known this for around two years but never brought it up with her. i'm currently studying for my master's degree, and have never received any financial support from my mother throughout my education. as a result, i have a little bit of student debt, and have been working pretty much full-time to try to cover for myself. now, as i'm still struggling with money, she has just been told that she is getting a backdated pay increase from her job. she was supposed to be on a higher pay rate for the past 9 years, and the backdated bonus will amount to around $8,000. she's been telling me how excited she is to spend it on some vacations with her new boyfriend. wibta, would i be greedy, would i be petty, if i told her that i know about the $15k, and asked for a share of her $8k to help me cover my student expenses? [/INST] info - have you told your father that you never got the 15k? you’re making assumptions without knowing facts. </s> |
AITA for not having my stepdaughter in the family photo? | i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage.
it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away!
here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they *will* make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends.
but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment.
the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too.
i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit? | 10,008 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pbg8hx/aita_for_not_having_my_stepdaughter_in_the_family/ | 2021-08-25 17:40:30 | yta. stop protecting the racists. if they're racist then cut them out. by not having her in the photo, you're telling your stepdaughter that racism is acceptable. shame on you. | yta. you weren't protecting her, you were protecting you, as well as allowing your parents disgusting attitudes to rule a situation that had basically nothing to do with them. apologise to that poor girl immediately and check your own attitude, think you might find something to examine there. | yta. if you make accommodations to satisfy your racist parents, what does that make you? | yta. you prioritized your racist parents over the stepchild you claim to love as if she were your own. your actions surely have not only made her feel disregarded, but she might actually think you are also racist ain’t with your parents for taking their side in this situation | yta. you’re actually one of the worst kinds of racist because you’re acting out of racism but trying to dress it up as love and care, which is bs. | [deleted] | yta: why did you marry your husband if you weren’t capable of accepting his child for being black? | yta. stop catering to racists and embrace your family. | yta, of course. i mean, did you even really have to ask?
you just told your step-daughter that you don't consider her to be a full member of your family. you also let her and your husband know that you will prioritise racists over her and won't go to bat for her when she needs you to. | yta. you can't claim to love enephrine like your bio children if you're purposefully excluding her because you're afraid of your family's reaction. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage. it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away! here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they *will* make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends. but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment. the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too. i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am 32f, my husband jack is 36m. we have lydia (5f), carol (2f) and solomon (8 monthsm) together. jack has enephrine (8f) from a different marriage. it's our last week of summer before the kids start school, so we decided to rent a lovely little beach cottage for the week. it's a common theme in my family to take christmas card photos while on vacations, so naturally i wanted to take the photos while we were away! here's the problem. jack is white, but enephrine's mom is black and she turned out looking very, very much like her. i don't care what race she is and love her just the same as any of my bio kids. my parents, however, are pretty racist. i'm limited contact with them for several reasons so they've never met enephrine, but we're on christmas card terms. i don't want to send them a card that enephrine is on because they *will* make a fuss about the (certain word with a hard r) child. so my plan was to take a picture with just me, husband, and bio kids for my parents and a couple other relatives, then have her be in the picture for jack's family and our friends. but when i called picture time and told enephrine she wasn't going to be in this picture but the next one, she started to look upset. i did let her take our picture which lifted her spirits, and we got some lovely pictures with her too. we also got some ice cream and she hasn't been upset beyond that initial moment. the trouble came later when jack asked why i didn't want enephrine in the photo. he said he thought it was maybe so i could get one with all my kids. i didn't want to lie to him so i told him why, because i don't want enephrine to be exposed to people who could potentially emotionally hurt her. just like that he went from being understanding to pissed. and i guess he said, "she didn't want you in her picture because you're black" or something like that to his daughter, and now she's upset with me too. i really wasn't trying to hurt her in any way, i did this out of care and love. but i think i could have done it in a wrong way. aita, reddit? [/INST] yta. stop protecting the racists. if they're racist then cut them out. by not having her in the photo, you're telling your stepdaughter that racism is acceptable. shame on you. </s> |
AITA for having secrets savings? | i'm the sole earner in my family, my husband is a sahd to our children (10 & 2)
at the end of the month, after bills, buying the childrens clothes and toys, groceries and whatever extra we may want, i usually have about a bit left over, i always give my husband about £800-900, i keep £1,000 and the rest goes away for the children.
out of £1,000 i always put £700 away, despite getting everything sorted out before keeping the spare money my husband is very flashy, he has a gaming room and almost all of his money goes towards it, i can't complain as it is his money and the children are comfortable, i know if he knew about the money he'd insist we spend it, i've been saving for 9 years now.
my sister recently asked to borrow money for a car as it's only way for her to get to work and back, i gave it to her.
she asked how my husband reacted to me loaning it to her, as despite everything he's very uncomfortable with loaning money especially to family.
i told her he didn't need to know as it's my savings, which will probably go towards our retirement or for a rainy day.
she thinks i'm an asshole for keeping all the money a secret from my husband and that he has a right to know.
i think he gets his money,i get mine (he's aware i save but thinks it's like £200 every month rather than what i actually put away)
aita? | 666 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gibqff/aita_for_having_secrets_savings/ | 2020-05-12 13:59:23 | info: do you guys put money away seperately for retirement, or is that $700 it?
i think someone hiding money from their partner is almost always in the wrong (barring saving up to escape abuse ), but it sounds like your husband wants to spend everything you make, which isn't sustainable. you guys need both emergency savings and a retirement fund, and it sounds like you make more than enough to accomplish that. i'd give this an esh - you shouldn't be keeping stuff from your husband, you're equal partners in decision making, but also he needs to accept that money needs to be saved. financial counseling and marriage counseling to get back on the same page could help. | esh you seem to have a communication and trust issue in your relationship. you don’t trust your partner enough to not behave like a child and spend everything, and you’re unwilling or unable to communicate that to him. | yta
if you're the only income in the household, because he is a sahd, then your (singular) income is your (plural) income.
essentially, you are hiding money from him, and to be clear, in a divorce, this would not hold. if you think by doing this you're creating a safe cushion for yourself in case of a divorce, rethink things, because you may end up being punished by a judge.
he needs to be aware of any money in the house. what happens in the case of an emergency? if you become incapacitated in some way? how will he be able to use that account in case of an emergency? it is savings for the both of you, right? right?
you can be clear with your husband, this account is for savings only, it won't be spent on anything.
do you think it is money saved from *your* monthly allowance? then have him contribute from his allowance as well.
there are so many solutions here, and you have decided to go with the one that makes you an asshole.
but, no, to be honest, i highly doubt you think of that account as savings for the both of you, otherwise there would be no secrecy needed, you would not ask your sister to keep it a secret either.
the way you talk about your husband here and in the comments makes me sure of it. you don't think much of him. | nta- its your money, you have absolutely every right to save it. it's actually very responsible to save it, and if you think telling your husband would jeopardize your ability to save- if he wanted to spend it- then definitely keep it to yourself. | info: do you have a joint savings account that you put money into before dividing up the "extra" money each month? you said you put money away for the kids but don't mention if there's a joint savings. | nta - and you’re doing a great job supporting your family! if i had a wife that could give me $5-600 us, pay all the bills and still put money away for retirement and kids schooling every month, i wouldn’t care if she was socking extra away for herself. make sure you’re having money taken out of your paycheck pre-tax for your retirement account and not just putting it in a savings account. ( i guess that’s an option in your country?) damn! what a catch you were! | nta.
he gets a portion of the family income for his personal use, and you get a portion for your personal use. he chose to spend his on his gaming hobby, and you choose to save yours.
the fact that if he knew about it he would insist you spend it kinda makes him the ah, imo. just because you saved your portion doesn’t mean it’s now free game.
also, your sister is kind of the ah. you loaned her money so she could buy a car, and she has the nerve to judge you on how you handle your money. pretty hypocritical coming from the person who’s asking you for cash. | nta its your money you chose what to do with it. he spends all his you save yours | nta. you can do what you want with your money and quite frankly it’s none of your sister’s business. | based on one of your replies you don’t trust him with money at all. nta. it sounds best to keep him away from retirement and family money if he just took from that money in the past. as it’s best he doesn’t know because he would probably constantly beg you for money. | INFO | ESH | YTA | NTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.21866 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm the sole earner in my family, my husband is a sahd to our children (10 & 2) at the end of the month, after bills, buying the childrens clothes and toys, groceries and whatever extra we may want, i usually have about a bit left over, i always give my husband about £800-900, i keep £1,000 and the rest goes away for the children. out of £1,000 i always put £700 away, despite getting everything sorted out before keeping the spare money my husband is very flashy, he has a gaming room and almost all of his money goes towards it, i can't complain as it is his money and the children are comfortable, i know if he knew about the money he'd insist we spend it, i've been saving for 9 years now. my sister recently asked to borrow money for a car as it's only way for her to get to work and back, i gave it to her. she asked how my husband reacted to me loaning it to her, as despite everything he's very uncomfortable with loaning money especially to family. i told her he didn't need to know as it's my savings, which will probably go towards our retirement or for a rainy day. she thinks i'm an asshole for keeping all the money a secret from my husband and that he has a right to know. i think he gets his money,i get mine (he's aware i save but thinks it's like £200 every month rather than what i actually put away) aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm the sole earner in my family, my husband is a sahd to our children (10 & 2) at the end of the month, after bills, buying the childrens clothes and toys, groceries and whatever extra we may want, i usually have about a bit left over, i always give my husband about £800-900, i keep £1,000 and the rest goes away for the children. out of £1,000 i always put £700 away, despite getting everything sorted out before keeping the spare money my husband is very flashy, he has a gaming room and almost all of his money goes towards it, i can't complain as it is his money and the children are comfortable, i know if he knew about the money he'd insist we spend it, i've been saving for 9 years now. my sister recently asked to borrow money for a car as it's only way for her to get to work and back, i gave it to her. she asked how my husband reacted to me loaning it to her, as despite everything he's very uncomfortable with loaning money especially to family. i told her he didn't need to know as it's my savings, which will probably go towards our retirement or for a rainy day. she thinks i'm an asshole for keeping all the money a secret from my husband and that he has a right to know. i think he gets his money,i get mine (he's aware i save but thinks it's like £200 every month rather than what i actually put away) aita? [/INST] info: do you guys put money away seperately for retirement, or is that $700 it? i think someone hiding money from their partner is almost always in the wrong (barring saving up to escape abuse ), but it sounds like your husband wants to spend everything you make, which isn't sustainable. you guys need both emergency savings and a retirement fund, and it sounds like you make more than enough to accomplish that. i'd give this an esh - you shouldn't be keeping stuff from your husband, you're equal partners in decision making, but also he needs to accept that money needs to be saved. financial counseling and marriage counseling to get back on the same page could help. </s> |
AITA for kicking a girl I didn’t know out of my wedding. | my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here.
we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance.
i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy.
flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him.
i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event.
he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night.
my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date.
now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there. | 15,561 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yui1p4/aita_for_kicking_a_girl_i_didnt_know_out_of_my/ | 2022-11-13 23:15:17 | yta. what was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? and he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” this comes off as power hungry and controlling. you responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend.
you are a ginormous ah. yta. | you were so concerned about making the wedding perfect for yourself that you ruined it for your husband. yta. | you gave him a plus one and he used it…and then you were rude and revoked it, during the reception.
his plus one did nothing wrong, wasn’t causing a drunken scene or anything…and you got offended because she existed? sorry bridezilla but yta 🙄 | yta and hopefully a soon-to-be ex wife. | yta
your husbands childhood friend traveled for your wedding to celebrate you, days after his long term gf and him broke up. he (understandably) didn’t want to travel alone, or be at a wedding alone where he knew no one.
you gave him a plus one, and had paid for the ‘head’ already. so he brought his allowed plus one.
then, you decide to throw her (and by extension him) out of your wedding for no reason.
because, unless your wedding was like 10 people, and your hate of having a +1 you didn’t know there was more important to you than your husband having his childhood friend there, i don’t understand how him having a date at a wedding where he knew nobody was so offensive to you that you couldn’t bear having her exist in the same space as you.
you need to offer your husband a massive apology. you also need to call his friend and offer him a massive apology for being such an asshole. if this is how you’re going to act for the rest of your marriage, it’s going to be short-lived. | yta bridezilla, and you probably won't be married long now that your husband has seen your true colors. | yta - i wonder if your husband doesnt see you as a different person now. | [deleted] | yta, so very much:
\- for not inviting unmarried long -term partners in the first place (i seriously don't understand why people do that, how rude).
\- for kicking someone out of the wedding who hadn't done a single thing wrong, and who had actually traveled and paid money to be at your wedding (being a wedding guest isn't cheap)
\- for completely disregarding your husband and his friendship with his friend in all of this.
i'm curious if the friend gave you a wedding present? if so the least you can do is give it back so he can get a refund. | yta. 100%. i bet you can quote chapter and verse about all kinds of wedding etiquette when it pleases your control freak bridezilla soul, but you have not the first clue about hosting and hospitality.
your guest was correct in bringing a date because he had already rsvpd. the guy just went through a breakup of a 3 year serious relationship, still managed to come to his buddy's big day, and scrounged up a date to politely fulfill his duties as a guest. you were unconscionably rude. ridiculously wrong. and wow, instead of focusing on your man, and letting yourself be happy on your wedding day, you acted like a spoiled toddler having a temper tantrum. etiquette is the framework for showing our good manners and good manners come from a kind heart and a desire to make others comfortable. polar opposite of what you did here.
100 points from slytherin.
hope your husband's next wedding is to someone with more kindness, and class. he deserves it. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here. we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance. i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy. flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him. i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event. he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night. my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date. now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i (both 27) got married a few weeks ago and he obviously is still upset about it but i don’t think i was wrong so i thought i would ask here. we only gave plus ones to married couples or if we knew the so well. my husband has one childhood friend that was coming from out of state to attend. i’ve met him a bunch but only his girlfriend of three years a few times because of the distance. i didn’t want to give him a plus one but my husband begged since he was traveling and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding and he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to travel alone. i said fine just to make him happy. flash forward to the reception i see him with some girl i have never seen before. i asked husband what was up and he told me that his friend and his gf broke up a few days before the wedding and since he already rsvped as 2 he brought a friend with him. i was pissed since i made an exception for him and i didn’t want anyone random at my wedding. i had one of my bridesmaid go to him and tell him he could stay but can his date please go back to the hotel this is a private event. he said ok and didn’t make a fuss but he left with her and didn’t come back. i though on everything was fine and had a great night. my husband found out about it the next day and we got in an argument. he’s mad because his friend traveled and i kick him out without talking to him. i didn’t kick him out just his date. now it’s a few weeks later my husband still brings it up from time to time and his friend hasn’t been answering his texts. i kind of feel bad but it was my wedding and i didn’t want any strangers there. [/INST] yta. what was the actual harm of this person being there at that point? and he had a plus 1 and it is unlikely he knew you gave him a dispensation on your “special day.” this comes off as power hungry and controlling. you responded to perceived rudeness with the ultimate rudeness, you kicked someone out which come on, you knew her date was going to follow, so you booted your husbands friend. you are a ginormous ah. yta. </s> |
AITA for encouraging my gay parents to get a divorce and find love? | i love my parents. they sacrificed everything for me and i only want the best for them.
my mom and dad are both gay. they got married because they had me when they were really young. also, my grandparents are homophobic. i can only imagine what they had to endure for 16 years. i found out about this from my aunt.
so yesterday, after we had dinner, i told my parents that i knew they were gay. i told them that they shouldn't be together to please others. i asked them to get divorced and find love.
my parents were really angry with me and told me that thry loved each other and asked me to stop meddling with their affairs and find something useful to do. was i wrong? aita here? | 2,315 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3co1i/aita_for_encouraging_my_gay_parents_to_get_a/ | 2019-06-21 16:18:46 | nah. your heart was in the right place but it wasn't your place. they probably do love each other just not in the way you are thinking they should. it's their decision, their choice, and their marriage. | yta with good intentions. no one likes to be told what to do about their marriage especially not from someone working off 3rd hand info. it's great you want them to be happy but who says they are not? there are a lot of types of love and they may be comfortable in their lives now. | i don't think they're gay, op. i think you got played.
per the | yta. it’s not your business to tell them what to do and who to love. | yta
you and your aunt need to mind your own business. | yta. it sounds like they're bisexual, not gay. bi people exist, and can be married and can have a family and can find love. your parents are happy, in love and you're way overstepping your boundaries telling your parents to get a divorce. that's honestly fucked up of you. | yta - their marriage and the motivations are their own business, not yours. clearly they love each other (in some way or another) enough to be together and stay in a marriage. if it works for them, it works for them. divorce is a huge mess and financial drain. | yta, i think you might've meant well, but the way you addressed them was very blunt and cold. you shouldn't just assume that you know things or outright ask them to get a divorce, you should ask them about their sexuality and their love for each other if you really are interested and want them to be happy. you said you *knew* this and that they *shouldn't* do this, etc. that's not a good way to go about asking something like this. | hah.
yeah. yta. sorry bubba. you don't technically "know" anything about them being gay or not - unless the admitted that in the conversation, or you've caught them in the act - which isn't the story.
so yeah... you're just being a busy-body snooping and making shit your business.
i don't even like this "you were trying to be good intentioned." stuff other folks are saying. the road to hell is paved with that shit. i think you were trying to be important and to make yourself look good, and you thought you had a fool-proof plan to do so.
but you're 16, don't know shit, and i'm sure you realized 2 minutes into that conversation you had no idea what you were doing.
your aunt, also, is a no-good blabber-mouth opening her yap all willy nilly.
here's an other thing.
even if they are both gay (and honestly the likelihood of that is pretty ... unlikely). but even if - again - they get to set the parameters of their own relationship. look at you just walking in telling them it's obvious they don't love each other.
there's one thing i know about love, kiddo, and it's that each person gets their own kind. | nah.
you're not wrong for expressing the concern that you have, but their marital relationship is something for them to decide on and deal with as they see fit. maybe they shouldn't have gotten angry with you, seeing as how you were clearly just speaking with good intentions, but it's obviously a very loaded subject for them that they probably wanted to keep private. | NAH | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | NAH | 0.06929 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i love my parents. they sacrificed everything for me and i only want the best for them. my mom and dad are both gay. they got married because they had me when they were really young. also, my grandparents are homophobic. i can only imagine what they had to endure for 16 years. i found out about this from my aunt. so yesterday, after we had dinner, i told my parents that i knew they were gay. i told them that they shouldn't be together to please others. i asked them to get divorced and find love. my parents were really angry with me and told me that thry loved each other and asked me to stop meddling with their affairs and find something useful to do. was i wrong? aita here? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i love my parents. they sacrificed everything for me and i only want the best for them. my mom and dad are both gay. they got married because they had me when they were really young. also, my grandparents are homophobic. i can only imagine what they had to endure for 16 years. i found out about this from my aunt. so yesterday, after we had dinner, i told my parents that i knew they were gay. i told them that they shouldn't be together to please others. i asked them to get divorced and find love. my parents were really angry with me and told me that thry loved each other and asked me to stop meddling with their affairs and find something useful to do. was i wrong? aita here? [/INST] nah. your heart was in the right place but it wasn't your place. they probably do love each other just not in the way you are thinking they should. it's their decision, their choice, and their marriage. </s> |
AITA for telling my wife that putting our son to bed was now her job and then moving my bed into a separate room? | sorry about the mouthful title. i tried to be as descriptive as possible.
the situation is basically that i (35m) and my wife (29f) have a two-year-old son. she is a sahm and i work full-time, usually from 6:30am to 5:30pm or so.
being a toddler, my son should generally be sleeping between 11 and 14 hours a day. therefore, what my wife and i aim for is for him to wake up at 7am, do all the typical daily activities, take a nap starting between 1:30pm and 2:00pm for two hours, and then go to bed again at 8pm. this would give him a good 13 hours of sleep a day. i'm typically in charge of getting him to sleep at night while she obviously puts him down for his afternoon nap.
for the past several months, my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed. i understand that it's not always easy, but she has essentially worked out a new system: she waits for him to be utterly exhausted at about 4pm, puts him in bed, and then wakes him up between 6:00 and as late as 6:30.
therefore, when i try to get him to go to bed between 8 and 9, he's not tired. at all. it's basically a horrible wrestling match to get him to stay in bed as he shrieks and cries and bites and doesn't want to sleep *because he's simply not tired*. it takes me up to two and a half hours to get him to bed which is horribly unfun for both of us.
last night i finally told my wife that until she fixes his sleep schedule, i'm not going to clean up her mess anymore. i moved my bed into another room, locked the door, and went to bed as she put him to sleep. this morning, she was exhausted from doing so and in a terrible mood because apparently having to do what i've been doing for months was bad. she told me that i need to be more active in helping out with him, and i responded that i'll happily do so once she actually gets him down for his nap at a reasonable time.
i honestly don't think about out of line here, but am i being an ass? | 8,680 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v7f6o2/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_putting_our_son_to/ | 2022-06-08 02:57:43 | nah - toddler is a difficult age. their needs are constantly changing. he might not be tired at 1:30-2:00 anymore but your wife is still trying to get him down which can take much longer if he’s not tired as you well know from the nighttime struggles. sounds like he’s starting to transition out of the daily nap phase. it’s a hard milestone on the parents because toddler will get tired without a nap but too close to bedtime so you either have to deal with a cranky toddler in the evenings until this passes or do an earlier bed time which will cause the kiddo to get up early. please be patient with each other. raising a kid is hard on both parents. | yta. your kid is having some typical sleep struggles. your wife isn’t being ‘lazy’ with his naps, it sounds like she’s having a hard time getting him to actually go to sleep. you’re blaming her instead of acting like a parent and trying to work out a solution together. if anyone’s being lazy here, it’s you. | yta
i know this might come as a surprise but kids drop naps as they get older. i'm not going to get into the laughably small amount of time you are actually on deck as an active parent. | >my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed.
info: how do you know this? you said you aren't home during his nap time, so how do you know the issue is her and not him wanting a different sleep schedule? | well good for you for taking your bed and going to another room!! the most mature way to deal with any adult situation lmao | yta. this behaviour in response to the concerns you both have about your child is not right, it's frankly immature. he may need a different sleep schedule, or something else that works. it's not right for you to lash out at her and blame her for getting him down for his nap at a different time.
your child is a toddler, and if you get exhausted after trying to put him to sleep for 2 hours, imagine her exhaustion when she is watching him the full day. kids aren't always easy, it's not fair for you to react the way that you did. come up with a better solution together. | info: how old is your son? is it possible your son is ready to drop his day nap in exchange for an earlier bed time? my toddler dropped her nap at about 2 and would go to bed about 6.30 | you moved your bed and locked the door? mature solution. your son isn’t “her mess”. yta. | well you certainly sound like an ah calling your wife lazy while she cares for your son so you can work - need more info though as to the reason she won’t put him down for naps i doubt it’s laziness. | yta. how do you know that she’s just “being lazy” with his afternoon nap? i, the mother of a 2-year-old, fight with my kid to get him down for an afternoon nap more often than not. you have your job during the day, her job during the day is being a sahm. however, when you get home, the child you share is the responsibility of the both of you. moving your bed and locking the door is absurd. have a conversation w her about how you guys can make this work or face the fact that your kid may want to cut naps and will be waking up earlier. kids aren’t robots. we as parents can only control so much. | NAH | YTA | YTA | INFO | null | YTA | INFO | YTA | INFO | YTA | 0.144338 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry about the mouthful title. i tried to be as descriptive as possible. the situation is basically that i (35m) and my wife (29f) have a two-year-old son. she is a sahm and i work full-time, usually from 6:30am to 5:30pm or so. being a toddler, my son should generally be sleeping between 11 and 14 hours a day. therefore, what my wife and i aim for is for him to wake up at 7am, do all the typical daily activities, take a nap starting between 1:30pm and 2:00pm for two hours, and then go to bed again at 8pm. this would give him a good 13 hours of sleep a day. i'm typically in charge of getting him to sleep at night while she obviously puts him down for his afternoon nap. for the past several months, my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed. i understand that it's not always easy, but she has essentially worked out a new system: she waits for him to be utterly exhausted at about 4pm, puts him in bed, and then wakes him up between 6:00 and as late as 6:30. therefore, when i try to get him to go to bed between 8 and 9, he's not tired. at all. it's basically a horrible wrestling match to get him to stay in bed as he shrieks and cries and bites and doesn't want to sleep *because he's simply not tired*. it takes me up to two and a half hours to get him to bed which is horribly unfun for both of us. last night i finally told my wife that until she fixes his sleep schedule, i'm not going to clean up her mess anymore. i moved my bed into another room, locked the door, and went to bed as she put him to sleep. this morning, she was exhausted from doing so and in a terrible mood because apparently having to do what i've been doing for months was bad. she told me that i need to be more active in helping out with him, and i responded that i'll happily do so once she actually gets him down for his nap at a reasonable time. i honestly don't think about out of line here, but am i being an ass? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry about the mouthful title. i tried to be as descriptive as possible. the situation is basically that i (35m) and my wife (29f) have a two-year-old son. she is a sahm and i work full-time, usually from 6:30am to 5:30pm or so. being a toddler, my son should generally be sleeping between 11 and 14 hours a day. therefore, what my wife and i aim for is for him to wake up at 7am, do all the typical daily activities, take a nap starting between 1:30pm and 2:00pm for two hours, and then go to bed again at 8pm. this would give him a good 13 hours of sleep a day. i'm typically in charge of getting him to sleep at night while she obviously puts him down for his afternoon nap. for the past several months, my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed. i understand that it's not always easy, but she has essentially worked out a new system: she waits for him to be utterly exhausted at about 4pm, puts him in bed, and then wakes him up between 6:00 and as late as 6:30. therefore, when i try to get him to go to bed between 8 and 9, he's not tired. at all. it's basically a horrible wrestling match to get him to stay in bed as he shrieks and cries and bites and doesn't want to sleep *because he's simply not tired*. it takes me up to two and a half hours to get him to bed which is horribly unfun for both of us. last night i finally told my wife that until she fixes his sleep schedule, i'm not going to clean up her mess anymore. i moved my bed into another room, locked the door, and went to bed as she put him to sleep. this morning, she was exhausted from doing so and in a terrible mood because apparently having to do what i've been doing for months was bad. she told me that i need to be more active in helping out with him, and i responded that i'll happily do so once she actually gets him down for his nap at a reasonable time. i honestly don't think about out of line here, but am i being an ass? [/INST] nah - toddler is a difficult age. their needs are constantly changing. he might not be tired at 1:30-2:00 anymore but your wife is still trying to get him down which can take much longer if he’s not tired as you well know from the nighttime struggles. sounds like he’s starting to transition out of the daily nap phase. it’s a hard milestone on the parents because toddler will get tired without a nap but too close to bedtime so you either have to deal with a cranky toddler in the evenings until this passes or do an earlier bed time which will cause the kiddo to get up early. please be patient with each other. raising a kid is hard on both parents. </s> |
AITA for not telling my fiancée about a secret room in our apartment? | i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so.
i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice.
one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room.
i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage.
i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room!
i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a *reason* to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.)
i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her.
but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare.
**fast forward to yesterday.**
emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months.
during this time, i've kept the secret room... *a secret.*
it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out.
and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights!
we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.)
so ***of course*** i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room!
***...and she flipped out.***
she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse.
i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita? | 23,581 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g3keje/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancée_about_a_secret/ | 2020-04-18 08:48:13 | nta. it's a closet, not another woman. | i couldn't help but laugh. i understand the "bat cave" mentality as i am also a guy but i think it's probably came off more axe-murderer vibe. i want to say n t a, but logically, esh. it's your place, so what if you have a secret room? it's your secret room. but you should have also told her about it after being with her for so long. maybe a week after she moves in. not telling her is like you do not trust her with your secret ... which is a bad things i suppose. | esh
she overreacted but this is her home and has been for 8 months and you had a secret room hidden from her.
i might have voted differently if you hadn't waited so long, but seriously, this is a fucked up secret to keep and i'd be wondering what else you're keeping from me. | nah, you've done nothing wrong, but it's understandable why she might feel weirded out that a place she's called him for 8 months has secrets she doesn't know about. she might be wondering if there's anything else hidden that she doesn't know about. i'd suggest talking it over, explaining that you never meant anything malicious about and that it was just a childhood thing, she'll come round eventually. | nah
a secret room is everyone's childhood fantasy so that is amazing.
from her perspective it does come across as a bit weird and potentially creepy that there was these whole other room that she didn't know about. and it's not like it was just some cupboard she walked past everyday and didn't look it, it was a whole different room purposely hidden (not from her specifically but still). potentially she is worried about why you would need a secret room, what you do in there and what other secrets you have.
you need to communicate with her. she probably needs some reassurance that you aren't a creep or werido and that it's just a fun little thing. | light yta. i think a secret room is awesome! however, once she moved in, she should have been in on it. i can only imagine all the times she's had in the past eight months thinking "ugh, there's no room to store this" when unpacking her belongings or looking to purchase something for the home. | yta come on man. she's been living in this apartment for 8 freakin months and you kept the secret room secret from her! that's worse than hiding the best snacks after shopping!
this could have been a "wow i have an awesome partner" moment if it had happened like 7+1/2 months ago.
now it's more of a "if he can lie to me about this for 8 months what else is he lying about?"
or worse "what did he hide in that room for the past 8 months that i shouldn't see?" | yta. before y'all moved in together, i would say no. but once it becomes both of your homes you should share such things. you intentionally kept it a secret so you lied to her. | nah but you need to have a big talk about this because here's the thing: *it's not about the room.*
from your pov: it's basically just a storage room, it's not like you're cheating on her.
from her pov: if you have been keeping *an entire room in the apartment she's living in* secret from her for *eight months* then what the fuck else have you/could you keep secret from her?
&#x200b;
you're keeping secrets from someone you're marrying and intending on spending the rest of your life with. it's not like this is a crawlspace you forgot about and haven't used, you built it deliberately and have been actively using it throughout the time she's been living with you and -- on at least three occasions -- deliberately gone out of your way to be sneaky about it and keep it hidden from her.
the problem is that you've just casually shown her that you're perfectly willing and capable to keep secrets from her. that's enough to make anyone paranoid at the best of times, let alone during the emotionally fraught time we're living in now. sure you might only have general storage stuff in there now, but how is she to know what *used* to be in there before today? you could have had drugs in there, used it to hide an affair partner when she came home early, used it to spy on her/listen to her when she thinks she's alone... all sorts of things could have been done and *she would have had no idea*.
have a talk with her -- y'all need some open communication. | nah, but it does seem a bit sneaky, and i can see why she sees it as a betrayal of trust. the lesson here is not to keep secrets from your future wife, especially if they concern the home you're sharing. | NTA | NTA | ESH | NAH | NAH | YTA | YTA | YTA | NAH | NAH | 0.71206 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a *reason* to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. **fast forward to yesterday.** emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... *a secret.* it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so ***of course*** i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! ***...and she flipped out.*** she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous. the situation is less so. i was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college. it's a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building, but i've gut-renovated it and made it really nice. one aspect of my home was created just to fulfill a childhood fantasy. a secret room! it's simple— a flush mount bookcase put in the doorway. it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closet or a very small room. i made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook, but with no windows... it never got used. ended up being more long-term storage. i never told anyone about it... because it was a secret room! i kind of figured at one point i'd tell my girlfriend, emma, but i didn't want to tell her until i had a *reason* to. (i had finished it shortly before meeting her.) i figured maybe one day if we had a kid, i could remove the bookcase and bam, we'd have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup. or a craft-nook for her. but i largely forgot about it, except when i needed to pull something out from back there... which is rare. **fast forward to yesterday.** emma, now my fiancée, has been living with me in my (now our!) apartment for eight months. during this time, i've kept the secret room... *a secret.* it's not like i was thinking about it all the time. i only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in, to get christmas lights, a spare coffee maker, and to put away a novelty item she probably thought i threw out. and the reason i was sneaky at those times was because again, i didn't want to waste the surprise on christmas lights! we've both been working from home lately, and we aren't really able to leave very often, due to circumstances... and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commute. (bedroom to living room.) so ***of course*** i excitedly pulled open our "built-in" bookshelf and showed her our room! ***...and she flipped out.*** she is furious at me. she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust, given that this is her home. she's acting like i cheated on her. i tried to explain i was waiting for a special moment, but... she thinks that makes it worse. i have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if i am. aita? [/INST] nta. it's a closet, not another woman. </s> |
AITA for banning SIL from my house when I am hosting Thanksgiving this year, because she embarrassed me at my housewarming party? | my mil and i do not get along, but i'm really proud to say we called a cease fire for the sake of my husband. i know this might sound childish but it took blood sweat and tears for us to even be in the same room.
mil did some awful things to me and it took work to forgive her. i did some things i'm not proud of, but at some point i realized i was just hurting my husband. mil was an absolute monster at our wedding. she made planning a nightmare, she embarrassed me at my bridal shower, and she wore something that could have passed for a wedding gown.
right after the wedding we had a financial setback and had to stay with mil. i know this is petty and not defending it, but i was still pissed about the wedding. mil was having some guy over and demanded we hide ourselves away. she really really liked this guy, cooked a fancy dinner, and spent like an hour getting dressed, so i fucked with the dinner she cooked and poured flour on her when the doorbell rang. again i'm not defending it right now but we were in this awful war mindset.
yeah mil kicked us out of the house for that stunt, and eventually i grew up and reached out to make peace. that was two years ago and mil is still with him and they are getting married in january. i've apologized to her. she is never going to apologize to me, but we've made our peace.
we bought our first house recently and had a large dinner party. also i'm hosting thanksgiving this year. mil said i can have it because it's the worst holiday, but hey it's a start. everyone knows how excited i am about finally having a house to host in.
at the dinner party mil was getting a lot of attention for being engaged and people wanting wedding details, and sil decided to give a toast about how she knew her future stepfather was the right guy because he stuck around after that incident (and she told everyone about it in detail) and he calmed mil down and made her dinner while she washed the flour off. i get sil's point but it was humiliating. also it paints an unfair picture because she left out all the shit mil has done to me.
most of my guests were horrified. this was supposed to be a nice adult evening and she is bringing up how immature i was right out of college. mil laughed. fil laughed because he is her ex and loves the flour story, but everyone else was in shock and it made the vibe really weird. i called sil out after the party and she laughed and said it was a funny story. i told her it was humiliating and she said well it was true.
i said as of right now she is banned from the house because she disrespected me in my own house. this means thanksgiving since it is coming up. mil asked me to reconsider because "well you did do that" and because sil doesn't have anyone else to spend thanksgiving with. i stood firm and now mil is saying she will stay home and cook for sil. my husband is mad at his mom for picking sil, but said he will back me. sil swears she was just kidding and i'm overreacting. | 3,057 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qu0lpo/aita_for_banning_sil_from_my_house_when_i_am/ | 2021-11-14 22:00:09 | esh, but especially you, honestly. | yta. you’ve left out details of exactly what your mil did that was so horrible to you. but the stunt with the flour is beyond the pale. you blame your age, being just out of college, but that kind of behavior something a small child knows better than doing.
and while she was providing you a place to live, to boot. | esh you all sound exhausting and unpleasant to be around, i feel bad for your husband that he cannot seem to escape self centred petty children. | yta. when you do something really outrageously fucked up like that, one of the penalties you pay is that people are going to talk about it. | yta
it’s not like she made up this story. you sound like you’re still petty and immature. | yta, you sound mean.
you did a thing that obviously everyone knows about, but you obviously aren't over it and are somehow using that to exclude your sil from a family gathering?
also regardless of the riff between you and mil, you were living under her roof and tried to sabotage a date that turned into a lifelong relationship. come on.
grow up and get some perspective, you are just asking for future wars with that attitude. | yta - after all the work to repair your relationship with mil you’re really gonna let a stupid true story get your goat and start it all up again? i thought you said you grew up?
you clearly have some more growing up to do | yta. you did do that, if you have matured and moved on you could own it as a funny story from your immature past. by banning her from thanksgiving it seems like you're still in an immature phase, and continuing the feud with his family is continuing to hurt your husband.
i do think it was unnecessary from your sil to bring it up without at least checking you'd be okay with it first, but you're so much worse in this story i have to go with yta rather than esh. i mean i agree... you did do that. and it is seemingly a pretty important memory for them. | yta
your sil told the true story about something major that happened in the past... that’s what happens when you do something that causes a big enough shock, the waves from it last a long time.
you say you were humiliated, felt disrespected in your own home, and it ruined the mood of your dinner party from just a story.
now imagine this: someone actually does horrible things to tamper with and ruin dinner, physically assault and humiliate you, all while disrespecting you in your own home when you were just trying to help them during a time of financial difficulty... you know, like you really did do to your husbands mother... and you seem to want an apology for that. lol
yeah, yta & you most likely will always the ta to your husbands family. | esh. yep, you did do that. if telling a story about something you *knowingly and intentionally* did embarrasses you, then you're the problem. sil sounds like she did it, at least, in part out of spite, so she's an ah too. | ESH | YTA | ESH | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | ESH | 0.005155 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mil and i do not get along, but i'm really proud to say we called a cease fire for the sake of my husband. i know this might sound childish but it took blood sweat and tears for us to even be in the same room. mil did some awful things to me and it took work to forgive her. i did some things i'm not proud of, but at some point i realized i was just hurting my husband. mil was an absolute monster at our wedding. she made planning a nightmare, she embarrassed me at my bridal shower, and she wore something that could have passed for a wedding gown. right after the wedding we had a financial setback and had to stay with mil. i know this is petty and not defending it, but i was still pissed about the wedding. mil was having some guy over and demanded we hide ourselves away. she really really liked this guy, cooked a fancy dinner, and spent like an hour getting dressed, so i fucked with the dinner she cooked and poured flour on her when the doorbell rang. again i'm not defending it right now but we were in this awful war mindset. yeah mil kicked us out of the house for that stunt, and eventually i grew up and reached out to make peace. that was two years ago and mil is still with him and they are getting married in january. i've apologized to her. she is never going to apologize to me, but we've made our peace. we bought our first house recently and had a large dinner party. also i'm hosting thanksgiving this year. mil said i can have it because it's the worst holiday, but hey it's a start. everyone knows how excited i am about finally having a house to host in. at the dinner party mil was getting a lot of attention for being engaged and people wanting wedding details, and sil decided to give a toast about how she knew her future stepfather was the right guy because he stuck around after that incident (and she told everyone about it in detail) and he calmed mil down and made her dinner while she washed the flour off. i get sil's point but it was humiliating. also it paints an unfair picture because she left out all the shit mil has done to me. most of my guests were horrified. this was supposed to be a nice adult evening and she is bringing up how immature i was right out of college. mil laughed. fil laughed because he is her ex and loves the flour story, but everyone else was in shock and it made the vibe really weird. i called sil out after the party and she laughed and said it was a funny story. i told her it was humiliating and she said well it was true. i said as of right now she is banned from the house because she disrespected me in my own house. this means thanksgiving since it is coming up. mil asked me to reconsider because "well you did do that" and because sil doesn't have anyone else to spend thanksgiving with. i stood firm and now mil is saying she will stay home and cook for sil. my husband is mad at his mom for picking sil, but said he will back me. sil swears she was just kidding and i'm overreacting. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mil and i do not get along, but i'm really proud to say we called a cease fire for the sake of my husband. i know this might sound childish but it took blood sweat and tears for us to even be in the same room. mil did some awful things to me and it took work to forgive her. i did some things i'm not proud of, but at some point i realized i was just hurting my husband. mil was an absolute monster at our wedding. she made planning a nightmare, she embarrassed me at my bridal shower, and she wore something that could have passed for a wedding gown. right after the wedding we had a financial setback and had to stay with mil. i know this is petty and not defending it, but i was still pissed about the wedding. mil was having some guy over and demanded we hide ourselves away. she really really liked this guy, cooked a fancy dinner, and spent like an hour getting dressed, so i fucked with the dinner she cooked and poured flour on her when the doorbell rang. again i'm not defending it right now but we were in this awful war mindset. yeah mil kicked us out of the house for that stunt, and eventually i grew up and reached out to make peace. that was two years ago and mil is still with him and they are getting married in january. i've apologized to her. she is never going to apologize to me, but we've made our peace. we bought our first house recently and had a large dinner party. also i'm hosting thanksgiving this year. mil said i can have it because it's the worst holiday, but hey it's a start. everyone knows how excited i am about finally having a house to host in. at the dinner party mil was getting a lot of attention for being engaged and people wanting wedding details, and sil decided to give a toast about how she knew her future stepfather was the right guy because he stuck around after that incident (and she told everyone about it in detail) and he calmed mil down and made her dinner while she washed the flour off. i get sil's point but it was humiliating. also it paints an unfair picture because she left out all the shit mil has done to me. most of my guests were horrified. this was supposed to be a nice adult evening and she is bringing up how immature i was right out of college. mil laughed. fil laughed because he is her ex and loves the flour story, but everyone else was in shock and it made the vibe really weird. i called sil out after the party and she laughed and said it was a funny story. i told her it was humiliating and she said well it was true. i said as of right now she is banned from the house because she disrespected me in my own house. this means thanksgiving since it is coming up. mil asked me to reconsider because "well you did do that" and because sil doesn't have anyone else to spend thanksgiving with. i stood firm and now mil is saying she will stay home and cook for sil. my husband is mad at his mom for picking sil, but said he will back me. sil swears she was just kidding and i'm overreacting. [/INST] esh, but especially you, honestly. </s> |
AITA for making wife step down from her promotion? | my wife (f26) and i (m26) have been married for 2 years. we met at our current workplace, where we both worked as colleagues.
around 2 months ago, our manager left to focus on a different career path, as the position needed filling my wife decided to apply for the role (i decided not to just to avoid any conflict). she deservingly got the position and technically became my 'boss'
she was over the moon with her new position, excited for the change and looking forward to her new role.
let me mention at this point that i was and still am super happy for her but i didn't think things would change this drastically between us.
she's started to confide in me less and less regarding work stress as she thinks i'm not capable to understand what she's going through making me feel like i'm beneath her and has spent next to no time with me during work (lunch, breaks). she's been extremely hard on me at work aswell as always being on my case.
without doubt her new position requires more commitment and so she does work more than i do, but apparently this gives her the right to always be 'exhausted' to put any effort in our relationship. we used to have weekly date nights yet since her promotion, we've not been on single one, when i try to organise something special for us she always makes some excuse, either she's busy with work or something else comes up.
i've tried talking to her, telling her how i feel but i always get the response 'well you're not in my position, you don't know how hard i'm trying'.
things were getting stressful at work so i talked to a different team manager and got transferred onto his team. when she found out, she immediately came to talk to me and was pretty mad that i did that without telling her, saying how it makes her look bad and incapable of her new role.
since then she's been avoiding me at work and not been her normal self at home. i saw her crying, when i went to try and comfort her she just said it was nothing.
the next couple of days go by and i find out from my team manager that she's going to be stepping down back to her normal position, effectively demoting herself. i know im responsible for this situation | 7,277 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dvw4dt/aita_for_making_wife_step_down_from_her_promotion/ | 2019-11-13 18:41:53 | nah
honestly astonished your workplace let your wife be your boss. | a) you should have been transferred to work under another leader the moment she took the position. it's a conflict of interest for you to report to your spouse.
b) you aren't at fault, and your title is slightly misleading on that front. you did not *make* her step down. she *chose* to step down. your relationship with her may have been the reasoning behind that decision, but she made a choice.
c) the fact that she did not ask to have you transferred to a different team when she took the position effectively proves she was not ready for it -- should've been one of her first tasks.
&#x200b;
nah. you're both under too much stress. | \> i know im responsible for this situation
not at all obvious from your post honestly.
i think yta because you're making this all about you, blaming your wife for being stressed, and taking a generally patronizing attitude about the situation.
first of all, you put "boss" in scare quotes, indicating that you don't **really** see her as your supervisor, even though in every sense, she was. so that's already a sign of dismissiveness / disrespect.
because she's your wife, she's not *really* your boss... except she is. you just have a bad attitude about it, apparently.
then you basically go on to blame your wife for being tired and stressed, almost as if that was something she was doing to you. maybe, just maybe, her being tired and stressed in a new, demanding job is not about you. maybe! just throwing out ideas.
" you're not in my position, you don't know how hard i'm trying'. " sounds like you didn't really try to understand how hard she was trying, then you went behind her back and undermined her by switching teams. | nah.
this is \*exactly\* why spouses shouldn't work for each other.
to have any workplace allow this is shocking. | esh- in my opinion it was pretty shitty to transfer to another team without communicating with your wife first. i can see why she would be upset by this and why she might feel embarrassed. on the other hand if what you said is true she isn't communicating with you either. i think if you had both been able to work together and talk this through you could have both navigated this situation better. | nah
being married to a co-worker is infinitely different than being married to your boss and i'm shocked hr let that through, not many people can compartmentalize that properly.
it almost certainly would come down to either your job or your marriage. | info i can't believe nobody saw this coming. who's in charge of your office team? | nah.
i agree with her to the fact that you probably don't know what she had to deal with at the higher responsibility, but at the same time, her not communicating to you about all of it wasn't very smart either.
i understand that as her partner you still wanted to maintain the weekly dates and quality time, but if work interferes there needs to be time from both of you to come up with a new plan to adapt to. that doesn't make you an ah.
transferring to another team may not have been the best course of action, but maybe bringing that up could have "opened her eyes and ears" to help her understand how you felt about the entire situation.
relationship-wise i think seek some counseling to break down this communication barrier that came up after she had gotten promoted. marriage is about supporting each other and being the ultimate team. problems come about when that teamwork starts failing. | nta
you're already off her team, her stepping down is just her being super dramatic. this will be a thing forever. convince her to keep the job or your marriage is pretty much over. | nta your marriage needs to come first. promotions will come and go. at the end of the day it's just a job. | NAH | NAH | YTA | NAH | ESH | NAH | INFO | NAH | NTA | NTA | 0.294 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife (f26) and i (m26) have been married for 2 years. we met at our current workplace, where we both worked as colleagues. around 2 months ago, our manager left to focus on a different career path, as the position needed filling my wife decided to apply for the role (i decided not to just to avoid any conflict). she deservingly got the position and technically became my 'boss' she was over the moon with her new position, excited for the change and looking forward to her new role. let me mention at this point that i was and still am super happy for her but i didn't think things would change this drastically between us. she's started to confide in me less and less regarding work stress as she thinks i'm not capable to understand what she's going through making me feel like i'm beneath her and has spent next to no time with me during work (lunch, breaks). she's been extremely hard on me at work aswell as always being on my case. without doubt her new position requires more commitment and so she does work more than i do, but apparently this gives her the right to always be 'exhausted' to put any effort in our relationship. we used to have weekly date nights yet since her promotion, we've not been on single one, when i try to organise something special for us she always makes some excuse, either she's busy with work or something else comes up. i've tried talking to her, telling her how i feel but i always get the response 'well you're not in my position, you don't know how hard i'm trying'. things were getting stressful at work so i talked to a different team manager and got transferred onto his team. when she found out, she immediately came to talk to me and was pretty mad that i did that without telling her, saying how it makes her look bad and incapable of her new role. since then she's been avoiding me at work and not been her normal self at home. i saw her crying, when i went to try and comfort her she just said it was nothing. the next couple of days go by and i find out from my team manager that she's going to be stepping down back to her normal position, effectively demoting herself. i know im responsible for this situation | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife (f26) and i (m26) have been married for 2 years. we met at our current workplace, where we both worked as colleagues. around 2 months ago, our manager left to focus on a different career path, as the position needed filling my wife decided to apply for the role (i decided not to just to avoid any conflict). she deservingly got the position and technically became my 'boss' she was over the moon with her new position, excited for the change and looking forward to her new role. let me mention at this point that i was and still am super happy for her but i didn't think things would change this drastically between us. she's started to confide in me less and less regarding work stress as she thinks i'm not capable to understand what she's going through making me feel like i'm beneath her and has spent next to no time with me during work (lunch, breaks). she's been extremely hard on me at work aswell as always being on my case. without doubt her new position requires more commitment and so she does work more than i do, but apparently this gives her the right to always be 'exhausted' to put any effort in our relationship. we used to have weekly date nights yet since her promotion, we've not been on single one, when i try to organise something special for us she always makes some excuse, either she's busy with work or something else comes up. i've tried talking to her, telling her how i feel but i always get the response 'well you're not in my position, you don't know how hard i'm trying'. things were getting stressful at work so i talked to a different team manager and got transferred onto his team. when she found out, she immediately came to talk to me and was pretty mad that i did that without telling her, saying how it makes her look bad and incapable of her new role. since then she's been avoiding me at work and not been her normal self at home. i saw her crying, when i went to try and comfort her she just said it was nothing. the next couple of days go by and i find out from my team manager that she's going to be stepping down back to her normal position, effectively demoting herself. i know im responsible for this situation [/INST] nah honestly astonished your workplace let your wife be your boss. </s> |
AITA for laughing at my starstruck girlfriend? | last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying.
she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan.
she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now.
fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics?? | 18,883 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffd129/aita_for_laughing_at_my_starstruck_girlfriend/ | 2020-03-08 14:11:51 | yta. let people enjoy their things.
and don't invite yourself to a concert you have no interest in. if i were your gf, i would expect you are trying to embarrass me again too. | how do you not understand that yta? everything you did was asshole behavior. you were rude, dismissive and condescending. and you are sad she was “cold” to you? why in the world would you expect her to bring you again? | yta. you mocked her. shit, you're posting it here and you still think you're nta. and stop saying "it was a joke". it wasn't, you know it wasn't. you belittled her, thinking her friends would join in your laughing at her. that definitely assholery. | you are a major ah. this is something she loved, and has wonderful memories about. my wife loves the backstreet boys, and she did a meet and greet. it made her so happy, and she talks about how neat it was even today.
the ironic thing is, if you’d supported her and been happy for her, you probably would have gotten some action that night.
yta. | yta. it meant a lot to her, and you humiliated her and laughed at her in front of her friends. there's no way you're not ta here. | yta. it‘s a major red flag if your so belittles things that make you happy. | yta. keep comments like that to yourself. especially with a loved one. why ridicule something she loves? i doubt that ntc found her embarassing, they see crazier fans every time they leave. she was fangirling at a place where its appropriate to dan girl.
and then you're surprised she didn't invite you or doesn't want you there?
dense huh? | yta. massively. she has every reason to be upset over this, and you are 100% in the wrong here. you humiliated and judged her for something that is absolutely harmless. if you weren’t interested in the first concert and fan meet, you should’ve been honest and told her so she could’ve gone with someone else, like a friend, who would’ve been able to share that experience with her without ruining it. you weren’t supportive, and you need to recognize that you’re the one who needs to see things from her perspective and make an effort to understand how and how much you hurt her. | yta - you purposely tried to take your girlfriends hoy out of a memory simply because you didn’t share in the joy! why would she ever want you to share another experience with her after you tainted her previous experience?
and fyi, she is not “too old” for anything. in my experience, people who say that someone is too old for happiness are people who cannot find happiness themselves. she did not embarrass herself, but you made a fool of yourself in front of your friends for how you treated her. your feelings on this say way more (negative) things about you than they do about her. you have some work to do on yourself. | seriously are you sure you 22 not 12? yta.
you make fun of your girlfriend in front of all her friends about her fangirling and then are surprised she doesn't want to repeat the experience? absolutely yta. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying. she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan. she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now. fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics?? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last year, my (22m) girlfriend (23f) won a radio contests to briefly meet and take a photo with one of her favorite kpop groups, nct. she was super excited since i guess you would call her a superfan. i definitely feel like she's too old to put so much stock in kpop, but i generally don't talk to her about it, since it's pretty harmless, just annoying. she was told that she could bring a plus one with her to the station to meet the band, and so she took me with her. even in the car, she was so excited that she was shaking, and she kept saying that she wasn't sure she could do it. (i didn't care either way, i wanted it over with!) the meeting was honestly nothing special, all the band members said hi to her and shook her hand or offered her like a platonic hug. she cried for most of it (awkward) and kept bowing to the members (she's white) and while i didn't say anything, i was so embarrassed for her. some of the guys also shook my hand and greeted me, but a few of them didn't, probably noticing that i wasn't really into it. whatever, it wasn't for me it was for her, i'm not a fan. she has some other friends who are also kpop fans, and when we all hung out later, she started talking about how wonderful and surreal it was to meet her "idols". i then started laughing and telling her friends about how awkward she was, how she bowed to all of them despite none of them bowing to her, and made a joke about how they probably laughed at her once she was out of earshot. complete silence, immediately everyone is death glaring at me. i try to clarify that she really was acting crazy for a 23 year old (i even looked up the band and half of them are teenagers!) and she retaliates that she probably made them feel less awkward than me, who didn't even talk to them. what the fuck, was i supposed to talk to a bunch of korean guys i don't know? we ended up arguing about it privately but it's been a sore spot and we just don't bring it up. she barely even listens to kpop around me now. fast forward to now, a year-ish later. my girlfriend just bought 2 nct tickets for her and her friend, which were very expensive and include yet another fan meet. i mention buying a ticket myself so i can go along with them (not to the fanmeet though) and my girlfriend said she'd rather me not go because she doesn't want me to be bored or embarrassed. the way she said it was so cold, for absolutely no reason, and i feel like she's being so passive aggressive over a joke that i made ages ago. aita for laughing at my adult girlfriend's teenage fangirl antics?? [/INST] yta. let people enjoy their things. and don't invite yourself to a concert you have no interest in. if i were your gf, i would expect you are trying to embarrass me again too. </s> |
AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with me? | i am a 25 year old woman. six months ago, i married my boyfriend of one year, 30m. he has a 14 year old daughter with his high school ex girlfriend, also 30. they broke up when they were 19 and his ex-girlfriend got custody, although my husband was very involved in his daughter's life and visited her frequently. my husband passed away only 2 months after our wedding in a tragic accident. i'm still in mourning. i loved him deeply.
his daughter did not cope with the trauma well. she lives with her mother and her step-father as well as her step siblings. coupled with the traumatic experience of losing her dad, whom she loved very much, as well as the normal pressures of being a teenager, she has not been her best self the past few months. she has clashed regularly with her parents, and has vented to me many times through texts and phone calls. really, i'm more of a sister than a "stepmother" to her.
tonight, she showed up suddenly at my front door. she was crying and said she hitched a ride to come see me. she said she got into an argument with her parents over her boyfriend/school and that she want to live with me from now on. she says i'm the only one who understands her and that she can't stand to be with her family, that she "hates" them. i told her she can stay the night.
i called her mom to let her know where her daughter was. her mom was understandably very worried and afraid. she agreed to pick her up in the morning. i let my stepdaughter know, and she got angry with me, and said that she expected me of all people to understand her. she says that i'm the only person who knows what she's going through and she thought she could trust me.
i told her i loved her but frankly i don't think it's feasible for her to live with me. i'm only 11 years older than her and in now way fit to be a parent. she belongs with her mother and stepfather. i let her sleep in my bed for the night but i told her that she will be going home tomorrow. she cried herself to sleep.
aita here? i feel like a monster, but what else could i have done? her mom will pick her up tomorrow. did i make a mistake in calling her? | 3,920 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g8qwfi/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_stepdaughter_live/ | 2020-04-27 01:24:28 | nah you did the responsible thing-- ironically the thing a good parent should do. you looked out for her best interests even though it hurt her feelings. she's not being abused at home, she's just going through grief and that's hard for everyone. tell her she can come back for some space when it's (1)pre-planned and (2) for a reasonable amount of time. you can still be her friend. | nah.
she’s hurting and sees you as an adult ally against (likely typical) parental rules.
you care about her but objectively see you aren’t prepared to act as her parent.
her mom and stepdad are being parents, which generally makes a 16 year-old hate them. | nah.
legally, you could have been in a lot of trouble if you'd allowed her to stay without informing her mom. telling her mom puts you in a position where you might actually be able to do more for the kid.
you're only 11 years older than her--but her mom is only sixteen years older than her. i feel it's likely that she doesn't have a lot of helpful adults in her life of any age, and it might be a kindness if you offered for her to stay at your place once a week, just to kind of destress from her family home. if she knew she had a place to go, she might not have to go there, you know? | nah.
first of all, no one should be making major life decision a few months out from an accident that took a loved one’s life.
second, this isn’t your decision to make anyway. there’s no chance either the mother or the courts would just shrug their respective shoulders and say, “sure, let’s turn custody of a troubled teen over to a woman who’s never been a parent herself but was in a relationship with the biological, non-custodial father for just over a year.”
your best move here is to let everything settle down a couple of days, and when you feel your stepdaughter is in a place to speak calmly with you, tell her the black-and-white of the matter is that your relationship with her is best served when you and her biological mother can communicate openly and honestly with one another. if you had tried to hide the fact that she had come to your house, or tried to make a custody grab, it’s very likely her biological mother would completely shut you down from having any more contact with her. talk to her about the most effective way for the two of you to carry on as a stepfamily without crossing major familial boundaries. | nah. this is a difficult situation. i think you did the right thing, and while i think she would have appreciated having some more time to process, you aren’t obligated to her.
reach out to her when she’s back home and cooled off a little, let her know you’ll be there for her but you’re not capable of offering the same care that her parents would.
is there some reason you wouldn’t be comfortable with her staying at your place? even on the sofa for an evening or two occasionally when the fights between her and her parents get really bad? | my best friend was in almost this exact situation as a child (she was much younger, about 7, but her sister was roughly that age) her stepmother chose to fight for partial custody, and it ended up being much to her detriment. her stepmother was not fit to be a parent, and now as an adult, she resents the hell out of her for agreeing to be her mom.
offer every alternative you can. have her over for meals often, or talk to her on the phone whenever you can. but never ever be a parent to a child you are not capable and willing to parent. | nta
you have a beautiful heart. so sorry for your loss.
just let her know you love her and will be there when she needs it. | sad story but nah. you did the right thing. | being the level headed adult and doing the right thing sometimes means being the a\* in the eyes of the teenager. you did the right thing. she needs therapy to help help cope. | please consider letting her stay a few days. i am almost certain this isn’t about a boy or school. she lost her father and right now, you are the best connection to him she has. no one in her home loved him. you did. you share a bond that she is scared of losing. she is going to continue to act out at home. she loves her mother. she’s not trying to replace her. she’s just not ready to let go of her father. taking her to therapy with you and bringing her mother in would be the best for her. | NAH | NAH | NAH | NAH | NAH | null | NTA | NAH | null | null | 0.032136 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a 25 year old woman. six months ago, i married my boyfriend of one year, 30m. he has a 14 year old daughter with his high school ex girlfriend, also 30. they broke up when they were 19 and his ex-girlfriend got custody, although my husband was very involved in his daughter's life and visited her frequently. my husband passed away only 2 months after our wedding in a tragic accident. i'm still in mourning. i loved him deeply. his daughter did not cope with the trauma well. she lives with her mother and her step-father as well as her step siblings. coupled with the traumatic experience of losing her dad, whom she loved very much, as well as the normal pressures of being a teenager, she has not been her best self the past few months. she has clashed regularly with her parents, and has vented to me many times through texts and phone calls. really, i'm more of a sister than a "stepmother" to her. tonight, she showed up suddenly at my front door. she was crying and said she hitched a ride to come see me. she said she got into an argument with her parents over her boyfriend/school and that she want to live with me from now on. she says i'm the only one who understands her and that she can't stand to be with her family, that she "hates" them. i told her she can stay the night. i called her mom to let her know where her daughter was. her mom was understandably very worried and afraid. she agreed to pick her up in the morning. i let my stepdaughter know, and she got angry with me, and said that she expected me of all people to understand her. she says that i'm the only person who knows what she's going through and she thought she could trust me. i told her i loved her but frankly i don't think it's feasible for her to live with me. i'm only 11 years older than her and in now way fit to be a parent. she belongs with her mother and stepfather. i let her sleep in my bed for the night but i told her that she will be going home tomorrow. she cried herself to sleep. aita here? i feel like a monster, but what else could i have done? her mom will pick her up tomorrow. did i make a mistake in calling her? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a 25 year old woman. six months ago, i married my boyfriend of one year, 30m. he has a 14 year old daughter with his high school ex girlfriend, also 30. they broke up when they were 19 and his ex-girlfriend got custody, although my husband was very involved in his daughter's life and visited her frequently. my husband passed away only 2 months after our wedding in a tragic accident. i'm still in mourning. i loved him deeply. his daughter did not cope with the trauma well. she lives with her mother and her step-father as well as her step siblings. coupled with the traumatic experience of losing her dad, whom she loved very much, as well as the normal pressures of being a teenager, she has not been her best self the past few months. she has clashed regularly with her parents, and has vented to me many times through texts and phone calls. really, i'm more of a sister than a "stepmother" to her. tonight, she showed up suddenly at my front door. she was crying and said she hitched a ride to come see me. she said she got into an argument with her parents over her boyfriend/school and that she want to live with me from now on. she says i'm the only one who understands her and that she can't stand to be with her family, that she "hates" them. i told her she can stay the night. i called her mom to let her know where her daughter was. her mom was understandably very worried and afraid. she agreed to pick her up in the morning. i let my stepdaughter know, and she got angry with me, and said that she expected me of all people to understand her. she says that i'm the only person who knows what she's going through and she thought she could trust me. i told her i loved her but frankly i don't think it's feasible for her to live with me. i'm only 11 years older than her and in now way fit to be a parent. she belongs with her mother and stepfather. i let her sleep in my bed for the night but i told her that she will be going home tomorrow. she cried herself to sleep. aita here? i feel like a monster, but what else could i have done? her mom will pick her up tomorrow. did i make a mistake in calling her? [/INST] nah you did the responsible thing-- ironically the thing a good parent should do. you looked out for her best interests even though it hurt her feelings. she's not being abused at home, she's just going through grief and that's hard for everyone. tell her she can come back for some space when it's (1)pre-planned and (2) for a reasonable amount of time. you can still be her friend. </s> |
AITA for blowing up on my husband infront of his family during N.Y.E celebration after he joked about my birth experience? | throwaway because i feel so embarrassed.
i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise.
when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence.
we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that.
did i overreact?. | 25,993 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ru7yin/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_husband_infront_of_his/ | 2022-01-02 11:38:23 | nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap
women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. | nta what the hell? so he can humiliate you by “joking” in front of his entire family about a deeply private, personal and traumatic experience that you have already asked him to stop making remarks about, but if you call him out on it in front of those same people, somehow you’re at fault. his idea of “not embarrassing him” is pretending your feelings don’t exist even when he deliberately embarrassed you, just so he doesn’t have to lose face by being held accountable for his crappy treatment of you.
absolutely the fuck not. he is one billion per cent in the wrong, and the fact that he thinks he can ignore your feelings about this entire situation because he’s “just joking” is ridiculous and pathetic. what is he, 12 years old? he’s supposed to be a husband to you and a father to the child that you brought into the world - if this is the best he can do, he already sucks at both. the lack of consideration be shows for your feelings is astonishing. you owe him not one single scrap of an apology: if he doesn’t want you to yell at him in front of other people, he shouldn’t deliberately humiliate you in front of them. all of this is on him. feel free to show him this so he knows that he sucks a whole field of dicks in this situation and owes you a massive, grovelling apology.
and congratulations on your baby!! | [removed] | nta. pooping during labour is natural and expected by the doctors/midwives, that’s why they don’t bat an eyelid when it happens.
your husband is definitely ta and needs to grow the hell up and understand that you and your body have been through a traumatic experience. he should be supporting you, not bringing you down. you need to tell him that he’s acting like an immature child who is fascinated by poop! | not the asshole. start telling everyone about his erectile dysfunction, see how he likes it. there’s no excuse for ridiculing your spouse like this, especially just after giving birth and the associated trauma. being mean isn’t funny, he needs to grow the f up. | nta. you absolutely did not overreact. your husband is an idiot. an insensitive, immature one. most women i know pooped themselves during birth. your husband needs to grow up. | [removed] | nta
you know if there's one thing i really, really loathe, it's that shocked pikachu face that some people do when you've been calmly and reasonably setting your boundaries and asking them to stop and they ignore it and keep poking at you, and you finally snap. and they have the gall to look so affronted. like how are you surprised, buddy.
it's infuriating. and as is typical, your husband then gets even more outrageous by reversing victim and offender. you shouldn't say anything about his bs in front of others but he can joke about your rough brith?? come *onnnn.* | first i just want to say, i get pooping during delivery can be embarrassing, but you’re not the first mom to do it and won’t be the last. i peed on my doctor because baby wouldn’t let the catheter through.
second, nta. you’ve asked him repeatedly to stop making a joke about it and he can’t. and frankly i would have been screaming that at him in front of his family so they really know how much of a dick he is. he’s humiliated because they know how insensitive he is being to you, not your problem. | it's only a joke if the person targeted laughs. otherwise it is bullying.
you asked him to stop, he did not respect that.
you asked him not to bring it up, he has appearantly already done so to his family at least once since they understood the joke.
why are his feeling of wanting to be funny more important than your feeling of human diginity?
seriously, most woman either pee or poop during child birth. you're a little busy at that point in time, y'know?! does he laugh when he is doing diapers too? | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | null | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i feel so embarrassed. i f25 gave birth to my daughter weeks ago, my experience was pretty traumatic and since it was my first, i had no clue what to expect. forgive me for the vague details for privacy but i'll mention all the relevent stuff, i promise. when i went into labor i had the most difficult time of my life, i was in pain for hours. my mom was with me but she had to go and my husband was with me the entire time. i did something so embarrasing in the delivery room, i pooped myself which was unexpected and just...i don't know but it was embarrassing and although my medical team were very professional about it, my husband couldn't help himself and started laughing about it later and even telling my family about it but they didn't react, just didn't find it funny and neither did i, in fact, i found it embarrassing and i already told him to stop bringing it up especially when he started joking about getting me diapers for my "opsies!!". it got really tiring and chipped away from my selfesteem and confidence. we were with his parents celebrating new year's eve together when i excused myself to the bathroom. while i was getting up he made a quick remark and said "oh yeah, you should go quickly because we don't want any accidents just like the one we had at the hospital, you know what i mean?" while blinking at me. his family actually laughed and bil commented "good one!". i was astonished and so angry and ashamed, i literally just lost it on him and yelled at the top of my lungs calling him a cruel insensitive jerk to be using the difficult experience of birthing his child as a joking matter and humiliating me infront of everybody. he was shocked, staring back at me and not saying a word. all went silent and i just stormed off to the bathroom til we left and that was when he snapped saying i messed up by talking to him like that infront of his family during dinner, i said i couldn't hold my tongue for that long and after he kept joking about an embarrassing thing when i told him to stop. he said he was just joking and i went overboard with my reaction and also, i should've sucked it up and waited til we got home so we could address this privately and i could even yell at him as long as i wanted. we argued about it after we got home and he kept saying i humiliated him infront of his family during the celebratory evening by being petty and trying to one up him... he even said i should've laughed along not fly off the handle liks that. did i overreact?. [/INST] nta. what a cruel and immature joke to make, ask him to push a watermelon out his dick and see if he can do it without any “embarrassing accidents”. if you had addressed this in private he would’ve said the same thing: you’re emotional and overreacting. he did it in front of his parents and family to corner you. this behavior needs to get nipped asap women release bowels during labor all the time, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. </s> |
AITA for proposing to my boyfriend as a woman? | so my boyfriend(now fiancé) and i have been together for 5 years. he’s great, and i love him. we had discussed getting married before a little bit and both said we wanted to, but didn’t really say when.
both our families were away for thanksgiving so we decided to take a little vacation, we went to sequoia national park and i thought that it would be the perfect place to propose. i already bought him a really nice watch (he wears one but it’s sort of cheap), and when we were in this beautiful little clearing with the huge trees and no one was around i popped the question, got down on one knee and all.
he was really surprised and didn’t exactly react the way i expected, he seemed sort of annoyed and upset but eventually said yes. on the drive home he said that it made him upset that i would just propose and that it was “a mans part of a marriage” and “something he was looking forward to his whole life”. so now i feel really awful because i thought it would be really sweet if we reversed the roles because he’s always doing romantic things for me.
anyway he was sort of cold when we got home, not outwardly aggressive but now i’m just sitting here worried if i did something horribly wrong.
aita? | 18,414 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4c83s/aita_for_proposing_to_my_boyfriend_as_a_woman/ | 2019-12-01 06:23:33 | nah. it sounds like just a really unfortunate miscommunication? would you feel comfortable with not backtracking exactly, but rather just making it a positive thing? like “now you know i want to marry you! but you can still totally propose to me!”
either way, he’s not wrong for wanting to propose to you and you weren’t wrong for proposing to him. | **there are nah**. what is sad about the culture of genders is that we think men should be the ones to propose to women. however, you went outside of the standard norm and turned it into something memorable. your fiance is going to have to deal with that, but i hope he realizes how strong you are as a woman for stepping outside the gender norms.
other than that, congratulations! much happiness to the both of you. | >because he's always doing romantic things for me.
this should have tipped you off to the fact that your proposal would be awkward. if he likes giving romantic gestures, then a proposal is the *ultimate* romantic gesture. he had been imagining his mona lisa of romantic nights for probably decades and you pretty much swiped it from him.
that being said, nah because you had nothing but positive intentions and you both seem like solid enough people to work through this. | nah, there's nothing wrong with you proposing but not all men like it. i'd be inclined to say that most men don't. roles might change in society over the next few hundred years, but generally i think where a lot of women dream and virtually plan a wedding, men tend to only think about how and when they would pop the question.
remember the episode of friends where phoebe tried to propose to mike? the reaction in that episode is pretty much what most men think, despite society supposedly changing. most people are still traditional at heart 🤔 | nah as a hopelessly romantic guy, i've been looking forward to proposing my whole life as well. you obviously were trying to do something very nice and he will get over it, but it sounds like you accidentally took away his big moment. | yta if he has in the past expressed his desire to propose and it's significance.
nah if it was never brought up.
either way, seems to be a communication issue. | i'm actually going to go with yta here. not because you are a woman, but because by the time you propose, both partners should be on the same page with marriage plans and proposal plans, etc. which includes an engagement and wedding timeline and proposal. | nta. but it is important that you be aware of the cultural pressures that are put on men, especially about things like taking the initiative in a relationship, and how this might make him feel, especially as he retells the story to people. he probably feels kind of like a failure, and while this is not your fault, and is a part of the sexism in society, the fact that it effects him does not necessarily make him sexist or misogynistic. it's also possible he's been planning something and now he won't be able to do it, so he felt disappointed. perhaps you guys should have had some brief conversations about expectations?
&#x200b;
nevertheless, i really mean it. you are not the asshole and how he reacted has probably really hurt your feelings. if you are that important to him, he should reorganize his thinking to recognize that saying yes is more important than who asks. i'm sure for you it felt romantic and i think it's beautiful that you asked in that way.
i wish you two the best! | yta - i’m going to get torn apart for this, and don’t think that you had negative intentions here, but whether you agree with it or not, the tradition is that a man proposes. i’m not saying that is right or wrong, but that is the status quo.
i think it’s great if a couple chooses to throw traditional roles away and do what works for them, but my judgement is coming from the fact that it doesn’t sound like your bf was ready for that or expecting it. so you put him in an awkward spot where even just from a social side to tell the story makes this something ‘abnormal’.
i’m a pretty progressive person, very open minded, don’t get too hung up on stereotypes, etc, but if when i got engaged i told my parents that my now wife proposed to me... that would be the center of the story, her proposing, why didn’t i propose, how uncommon that is, etc.
so while i don’t think that you were trying to be ta, you created a situation that is really weird for your bf and he needs to now navigate. it sounds like you didn’t talk about this, about him not caring about about tradition, plans, timing, etc.
depending how he’s reacted and how many you have told, you could sit him down and essentially apologize. mention that you really do want to marry him but may have jumped the gun and shouldn’t have ‘taken the proposal’ away from him without thinking. offer to see if he’d be interested in having a more traditional proposal sometime in the coming month, and treat your gesture as just you telling him that you are ready.
so my judgement isn’t that you are a bad person or had bad intentions, but do think that being more considerate of your partner and their reaction would have been expected.
good luck, op. | yta for not knowing your fiancé better. this whole thread is too caught up on gender norms and being progressive. while it may not be wrong for the woman to propose, it’s assumed that the man will do it. considering he loves romantic gestures so much, it should have been especially obvious that he would assume he would be the one to do it and really looking forward to it.
even if the norms weren’t the way they were, you should have considered whether he would want to be the one who proposed. how hard would it have been to casually bring up “i saw this video of a woman proposing and thought it was really sweet, but the comments were all shitting on her! how would you feel if you were in his position?” or make up some bullshit like that.
the only surprise of a proposal should be the when and where. the fact that you didn’t discuss this properly and fudged it up tells me that you still have a lot of other things to discuss before marriage. have you talked about kids? not just yes or no, but when, how many, does someone need to stay home to take care of them, how will you split finances and chores if that happens, what religion will you raise them with if any, etc. and that’s just one discussion about one topic. | NAH | NAH | NAH | NAH | NAH | YTA | YTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | 0.71206 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my boyfriend(now fiancé) and i have been together for 5 years. he’s great, and i love him. we had discussed getting married before a little bit and both said we wanted to, but didn’t really say when. both our families were away for thanksgiving so we decided to take a little vacation, we went to sequoia national park and i thought that it would be the perfect place to propose. i already bought him a really nice watch (he wears one but it’s sort of cheap), and when we were in this beautiful little clearing with the huge trees and no one was around i popped the question, got down on one knee and all. he was really surprised and didn’t exactly react the way i expected, he seemed sort of annoyed and upset but eventually said yes. on the drive home he said that it made him upset that i would just propose and that it was “a mans part of a marriage” and “something he was looking forward to his whole life”. so now i feel really awful because i thought it would be really sweet if we reversed the roles because he’s always doing romantic things for me. anyway he was sort of cold when we got home, not outwardly aggressive but now i’m just sitting here worried if i did something horribly wrong. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my boyfriend(now fiancé) and i have been together for 5 years. he’s great, and i love him. we had discussed getting married before a little bit and both said we wanted to, but didn’t really say when. both our families were away for thanksgiving so we decided to take a little vacation, we went to sequoia national park and i thought that it would be the perfect place to propose. i already bought him a really nice watch (he wears one but it’s sort of cheap), and when we were in this beautiful little clearing with the huge trees and no one was around i popped the question, got down on one knee and all. he was really surprised and didn’t exactly react the way i expected, he seemed sort of annoyed and upset but eventually said yes. on the drive home he said that it made him upset that i would just propose and that it was “a mans part of a marriage” and “something he was looking forward to his whole life”. so now i feel really awful because i thought it would be really sweet if we reversed the roles because he’s always doing romantic things for me. anyway he was sort of cold when we got home, not outwardly aggressive but now i’m just sitting here worried if i did something horribly wrong. aita? [/INST] nah. it sounds like just a really unfortunate miscommunication? would you feel comfortable with not backtracking exactly, but rather just making it a positive thing? like “now you know i want to marry you! but you can still totally propose to me!” either way, he’s not wrong for wanting to propose to you and you weren’t wrong for proposing to him. </s> |
AITA for grabbing someone’s phone and screaming at them? | ok so i know it doesn’t sound great and i can already sense the people telling me this story sounds fake, i know how it looks, but i’m honestly really upset about this whole thing and just want a bit of clarity. my boyfriend helped me write this and we’ll be reading the comments together.
so my boyfriend “ben” has an amazing job. i can’t get into much detail as i don’t want anyone guessing who he is or what he does but part of it requires him to appear in youtube videos every few weeks or so on his company’s channel. he’s not famous or anything like that but the channel grew in popularity throughout the last few years and people have increasingly started to recognize him when we’re out. i don’t really mind, most people just want to have a quick chat or show their support, not really any pics or anything.
we went out to eat at this new restaurant we wanted to try and sat on the patio, right by the barrier. as we were waiting for our food, this girl (20-something) walking by recognized him and started freaking out as if he was an actual celebrity or something. he was a bit taken aback since she was being super loud and he’s not used to having fans, like at all. everyone was staring at us, but i thought it was kinda funny and offered to take a picture. afterwards though, she wouldnt leave. we’re talking like 25-30 mins of her pretending i don’t exist and trying to make small talk/explicitly flirting with my boyfriend. she was also visibly filming the whole thing too (pointing the camera at us then on herself, so i saw that was recording) our food even got to our table and we weren’t sure what to do. i eventually just said something like “hey i’m sorry but this is a special night out for us and we’d like to eat our dinner alone if that’s ok!” which she ignored and kept hovering over our table. my boyfriend reiterated the same thing and she just sighed and walked away.
she came back 10 mins later, still filming, and started talking as if nothing happened. i told her to stop filming us as it was uncomfortable and she pretended to not hear me, again. so i (aggressively, i’ll admit it) grabbed her phone, deleted the vids, threw it back at her and screamed at her she was embarrassing herself trying to pick up my boyfriend and needed to leave us alone. she started crying, said sorry, and left.
“ben” is telling me that i was a huge ass because she obviously seemed to have some sort of difficulty assessing social cues/situations, but to me it just looked like she was an entitled brat that wouldn’t take no for an answer. aita here?? | 3,694 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dfg924/aita_for_grabbing_someones_phone_and_screaming_at/ | 2019-10-09 12:22:46 | esh. she should have left you alone when asked. but your reaction was way over the top. forceably taking her phone and then throwing it back at her is way more than what was necessary.
and frankly, having a screaming meltdown at her for "trying to pick up my boyfriend" just makes you look like a jealous mess. you embarrassed yourself and probably your boyfriend.
also, if his youtube appearances are connected to his work, it probably won't help his career to have a girlfriend who responds to female fans by forceably confiscating their phones and screaming at them because "my boyfriend!". | esh why didn't you guys get a waiter or a manager to kick her out? also you should have demanded she deletes the videos, not pounce at her like a maniac, also yelling about him being your boyfriend is so bloody trashy. darling, it is not your job to declare him as taken, it's his. if you have to scream about him being yours, he's not yours. | nta
that was an incredible dick move of her and i'm impressed by ops patience. if she cracked down after close to an hour, that's not an asshole move, it's just a normal reaction. | so which bon appetit guy is he? | nta you, your bf, and other customers told her to leave you guys alone politely numerous times, she trampled all over your boundaries and had no manners, i wouldn’t have grabbed the phone out of her hand but i would have definitely been angry too, and no you don’t sound jealous saying my boyfriend when she was ignoring you and openly flirting with him in front of you. if i were another customer i would not have been embarrassed for you at all like other comments said, but i would be mortified for her because she behaved so badly. | esh. you got lucky all she did was cry after you took her personal possession and altered the info within it, which suggests to me that she was probably fairly young. there's handling a situation, and then there's what you did. | nta she wasn’t responding to you being polite so you became impolite and she left. you gave her not one, not two, but over three chances to go before you turned ugly, she deserved it. | nta- and here’s why. i’m a new yorker. born and raised. i’m in and out of nyc every day for work and school. while i don’t personally understand the ‘celebrity’ aspect of this post, i most certainly understand how new yorkers, whether it be tourists or locals, don’t give a *flying frick* about your personal space. everyone saying yta needs to understand that the sheer crowdedness and publicness that being in nyc brings, makes people feel more entitled to breech your personal space and boundaries, *especialllllyyyyy* if you’re easily recognized. sometimes the only thing you *can* do is aggressively re-set your boundaries once they’ve been trampled over. truthfully, i think you gave her more respectful chances than she deserved. anyway, a clear, resounding nta from a pure blood new yorker. | [removed] | nta. i can’t fault people for not doing the 100% correct thing when confronted by a random crazy person. | ESH | ESH | NTA | null | NTA | ESH | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | 0.229769 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok so i know it doesn’t sound great and i can already sense the people telling me this story sounds fake, i know how it looks, but i’m honestly really upset about this whole thing and just want a bit of clarity. my boyfriend helped me write this and we’ll be reading the comments together. so my boyfriend “ben” has an amazing job. i can’t get into much detail as i don’t want anyone guessing who he is or what he does but part of it requires him to appear in youtube videos every few weeks or so on his company’s channel. he’s not famous or anything like that but the channel grew in popularity throughout the last few years and people have increasingly started to recognize him when we’re out. i don’t really mind, most people just want to have a quick chat or show their support, not really any pics or anything. we went out to eat at this new restaurant we wanted to try and sat on the patio, right by the barrier. as we were waiting for our food, this girl (20-something) walking by recognized him and started freaking out as if he was an actual celebrity or something. he was a bit taken aback since she was being super loud and he’s not used to having fans, like at all. everyone was staring at us, but i thought it was kinda funny and offered to take a picture. afterwards though, she wouldnt leave. we’re talking like 25-30 mins of her pretending i don’t exist and trying to make small talk/explicitly flirting with my boyfriend. she was also visibly filming the whole thing too (pointing the camera at us then on herself, so i saw that was recording) our food even got to our table and we weren’t sure what to do. i eventually just said something like “hey i’m sorry but this is a special night out for us and we’d like to eat our dinner alone if that’s ok!” which she ignored and kept hovering over our table. my boyfriend reiterated the same thing and she just sighed and walked away. she came back 10 mins later, still filming, and started talking as if nothing happened. i told her to stop filming us as it was uncomfortable and she pretended to not hear me, again. so i (aggressively, i’ll admit it) grabbed her phone, deleted the vids, threw it back at her and screamed at her she was embarrassing herself trying to pick up my boyfriend and needed to leave us alone. she started crying, said sorry, and left. “ben” is telling me that i was a huge ass because she obviously seemed to have some sort of difficulty assessing social cues/situations, but to me it just looked like she was an entitled brat that wouldn’t take no for an answer. aita here?? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok so i know it doesn’t sound great and i can already sense the people telling me this story sounds fake, i know how it looks, but i’m honestly really upset about this whole thing and just want a bit of clarity. my boyfriend helped me write this and we’ll be reading the comments together. so my boyfriend “ben” has an amazing job. i can’t get into much detail as i don’t want anyone guessing who he is or what he does but part of it requires him to appear in youtube videos every few weeks or so on his company’s channel. he’s not famous or anything like that but the channel grew in popularity throughout the last few years and people have increasingly started to recognize him when we’re out. i don’t really mind, most people just want to have a quick chat or show their support, not really any pics or anything. we went out to eat at this new restaurant we wanted to try and sat on the patio, right by the barrier. as we were waiting for our food, this girl (20-something) walking by recognized him and started freaking out as if he was an actual celebrity or something. he was a bit taken aback since she was being super loud and he’s not used to having fans, like at all. everyone was staring at us, but i thought it was kinda funny and offered to take a picture. afterwards though, she wouldnt leave. we’re talking like 25-30 mins of her pretending i don’t exist and trying to make small talk/explicitly flirting with my boyfriend. she was also visibly filming the whole thing too (pointing the camera at us then on herself, so i saw that was recording) our food even got to our table and we weren’t sure what to do. i eventually just said something like “hey i’m sorry but this is a special night out for us and we’d like to eat our dinner alone if that’s ok!” which she ignored and kept hovering over our table. my boyfriend reiterated the same thing and she just sighed and walked away. she came back 10 mins later, still filming, and started talking as if nothing happened. i told her to stop filming us as it was uncomfortable and she pretended to not hear me, again. so i (aggressively, i’ll admit it) grabbed her phone, deleted the vids, threw it back at her and screamed at her she was embarrassing herself trying to pick up my boyfriend and needed to leave us alone. she started crying, said sorry, and left. “ben” is telling me that i was a huge ass because she obviously seemed to have some sort of difficulty assessing social cues/situations, but to me it just looked like she was an entitled brat that wouldn’t take no for an answer. aita here?? [/INST] esh. she should have left you alone when asked. but your reaction was way over the top. forceably taking her phone and then throwing it back at her is way more than what was necessary. and frankly, having a screaming meltdown at her for "trying to pick up my boyfriend" just makes you look like a jealous mess. you embarrassed yourself and probably your boyfriend. also, if his youtube appearances are connected to his work, it probably won't help his career to have a girlfriend who responds to female fans by forceably confiscating their phones and screaming at them because "my boyfriend!". </s> |
AITA for telling my daughter that I'm not walking her down the aisle twice? | my daughter has two boyfriends and she wants to marry both of them. obviously, according to state laws, that would be illegal. so, she wants to marry one in an unofficial ceremony, and then marry the other one in an official ceremony the next day.
my daughter asked me to walk her down the aisle at both events. at first, i said i'm not going. to me, it's a mockery of marriage. i thought about it and i told my daughter that i'd walk her down the aisle at *one* event and that the man she was marrying on that day would be my son-in-law.
she chose the unofficial ceremony, but then the man she was supposed to marry officially eventually got mad because we weren't treating him like a son-in-law.
now my daughter is pestering me to walk her down both aisles, but i refused. | 2,918 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kzdk0g/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_im_not_walking/ | 2021-01-17 19:54:00 | nah.
so is your daughter in a poly relationship, then?
you don't have to walk her down the aisle for both ceremonies, but consider it. i can say that if i were in a poly relationship, though, my family would never know about it. i can guarantee that my family would never support a double marriage/ double partnership/ thruple type situation.
and, if you want to preserve your relationship with your daughter, and both of these are serious relationships that your daughter believes are long term (which it sounds like she believes they are), then you may want to find a way to accept the two men that your daughter has decided to spend her life with, and her relationship with them. | yta but only in this sense. your decision not to support her will not change her mind, it will not make her agree with you, it will only hurt your relationship with your daughter. she loves two men, and she will quickly grow to resent you treating one of them poorly. you don’t have to like it, you don’t even need to understand it tbh. you just have to try your best to keep your opinions to yourself and treat both men like you would your daughters close friends when she was growing up. it’s time to decide what’s more important to you, your standard of marriage, or your relationship with your child. | info - if she has children from her union, are you going to demand a dna test and treat them differently because one or more are the man you consider your sil and one or more are from the one you don't? are you willing to have her cut ties with you over this? both men love her and she loves them. you are not the ah for not wanting to walk her down the aisle twice, but either do it twice or not at all. either treat both men as you daughter's partners, or prepare to lose her. | hahahaha. nta. dad, you don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. daughter doesn’t have to like it. on the other hand, the daughter *is* of legal age, i presume? she can be in a poly relationship if she wants to, and *you* don’t have to like it. another question, though...who is footing the bill for all these ceremonies? | yta.
this isn't about what you want; it's about her wanting to include you in a ceremony that's important to the two people she's in love with.
yeah, poly is like ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ to me mainly cause logistics wtf but i'm not the one in a poly relationship so it's no skin off my nose if someone else is in a poly relationship. | nta. why doesn't she just consolidate the 2 ceremonies and only have 1 sign the marriage certificate? | info: have they all been together for a long time? is everyone in the throuple okay with the arrangement? if so, you have the right to refuse to walk her down the aisle but i wouldn’t unless you want to estrange your daughter | [deleted] | nta, you stated your boundaries she doesn't have to agree with them. this assumes you are still polite to her side dude ofcourse. | nah: you have your values and you are allowed to have them. it doesn't seem like you saying you won't support the relationship just not the ceremony. if this cause a disagreement between her husbands that's something they need to work out. | NAH | YTA | INFO | NTA | YTA | NTA | INFO | null | NTA | NAH | 0.453392 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter has two boyfriends and she wants to marry both of them. obviously, according to state laws, that would be illegal. so, she wants to marry one in an unofficial ceremony, and then marry the other one in an official ceremony the next day. my daughter asked me to walk her down the aisle at both events. at first, i said i'm not going. to me, it's a mockery of marriage. i thought about it and i told my daughter that i'd walk her down the aisle at *one* event and that the man she was marrying on that day would be my son-in-law. she chose the unofficial ceremony, but then the man she was supposed to marry officially eventually got mad because we weren't treating him like a son-in-law. now my daughter is pestering me to walk her down both aisles, but i refused. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has two boyfriends and she wants to marry both of them. obviously, according to state laws, that would be illegal. so, she wants to marry one in an unofficial ceremony, and then marry the other one in an official ceremony the next day. my daughter asked me to walk her down the aisle at both events. at first, i said i'm not going. to me, it's a mockery of marriage. i thought about it and i told my daughter that i'd walk her down the aisle at *one* event and that the man she was marrying on that day would be my son-in-law. she chose the unofficial ceremony, but then the man she was supposed to marry officially eventually got mad because we weren't treating him like a son-in-law. now my daughter is pestering me to walk her down both aisles, but i refused. [/INST] nah. so is your daughter in a poly relationship, then? you don't have to walk her down the aisle for both ceremonies, but consider it. i can say that if i were in a poly relationship, though, my family would never know about it. i can guarantee that my family would never support a double marriage/ double partnership/ thruple type situation. and, if you want to preserve your relationship with your daughter, and both of these are serious relationships that your daughter believes are long term (which it sounds like she believes they are), then you may want to find a way to accept the two men that your daughter has decided to spend her life with, and her relationship with them. </s> |
AITA For being brutally honest telling someone why we drifted apart after high school. | this just happened a few weeks ago, but i graduated from high school in 88.
my wife and i were out for dinner and drinks and met up with some friends. we bumped in to an older friend, dan, from high school and his wife and friends. basically everyone knew everyone else.
as the night went on we talked about who we still keep in contact with. in high school i hung with a couple of friend groups and am still close to one of them. the other friend group consisted of dan and another kid named mike.
after we graduated i basically stopped talking to both of them. dan assumed that i drifted away from the other friend group as well. he was a bit shocked that i was still in contact with them. just an fyi, with the exception of linkedin i do not have a social media presence.
he just assumed we drifted apart after college, he asked what happened.
here is where i might be an asshole because of how truthful i was.
my father passed away my senior year in march. mind you dan and mike were over my house a lot and knew my dad. they were fascinated with war related stuff and my dad served in korea and was highly decorated.
when he passed, they never called, they didn’t show up at the wake or funeral. i took a week off after his funeral and when i saw them i got what was i thought a half assed “sorry how are you doing”. nothing how’s your mom or anything. meanwhile my friend sean and chris were by my side the whole time. that pissed me off and i realized they were shitty friends and shitty people. that and a few other choice comments too. so i told him all of this.
well he got uncomfortable and tried to mumble an apology and i told him it was not important and not to bother. it kinda killed the mood for the rest of the night and everyone left shortly thereafter.
my wife said i didn’t have to be so detailed in my response back to dan and while it was amusing to see the look on his face, i was an asshole for being blunt and wrecking the night. | 3,769 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oufqve/aita_for_being_brutally_honest_telling_someone/ | 2021-07-30 07:05:52 | esh.
dan should not have asked you that question in a public place. and you should not have answered it in so much detail in a public place. you were inconsiderate towards your wife and anyone else there who was just trying to have a decent night.
but in the end, people shouldn't ask questions they don't want the answer to. and your reasons were very valid for dumping him as a friend. it's just....try harder to read the room.
if you really wanted dan to know, you had literally years where you could have told him in a more appropriate scenario. you passed up the appropriate scenario, so you don't get to pretend like the inappropriate scenario was your only option. | your wife was right.
if it was therapeutic for you to get that stuff off your chest, then maybe it was worth it for you. but if you're legitimately over it and don't really care anymore, then you should have chosen a more socially graceful approach. | hard to judge this one. first, i'm so sorry you lost your father at such a young age. what an awful time in life to lose a parent. not receiving what you needed from your friends at the time will have combined with your grief and made everything feel that extra bit more painful.
with regards to dan and the other guy, they were perhaps too awkward and immature to know what to do or say. i felt this way at a similar age when my friend's cousin died one summer, and i was told by text by a mutual friend. i had never heard any mention of this cousin before, i had no idea if they were close, i had no idea if i should text or call the friend or if i'd just be annoying them at this moment in time, i had no idea what i was meant to do or say or anything and i panicked and sort of did nothing. i'm ashamed of it now looking back at when i was half my age, but i had no bloody idea what to do with this information and was so terrified of doing the wrong thing that i did nothing. my own cousin then died later that same summer, and i basically did the same thing to myself. i didn't tell anyone in case it was bad or wrong for me to do so. i didn't know if i should share such heavy information. i was afraid i'd be upsetting or annoying them. so i said nothing and dealt with it alone.
now, was i a shitty friend to the person who lost her cousin too, because of this one albeit important incident? you probably think so. but as much as the mutual friend judged me for not doing anything about our friend's bereavement, when my cousin died and a mutual friend told her, she didn't appear to care whatsoever. which was either a bizarre sort of immature revenge, or maybe she found herself in just as confusing a place as i had found myself earlier, either way she behaved no better, and if anything worse given this was her second rodeo and she was judging me for not knowing what to do with my first iykwim.
some years later, i 23 at the time was getting a lift to choir practise with a couple of retirees, and this time, also getting a lift in the same car was another retiree i had never met before who had just buried their father. they were all talking about this as friends and i was super uncomfortable and unsure what to do. the bereaved person kept looking over at me with sad eyes expecting me to say something and it was so awkward. during the break in the middle of practice she gravitated towards me for reasons i still don't understand and kept looking at me with this sad expression like if i could just say the right thing she'd feel better. i panicked and said the wrong thing and she berated me. it felt incredibly unfair and humiliating and being put under pressure didn't help.
now, if i suffer a bereavement, i say so. but i don't expect people to pour condolences on me nor do i judge people if they don't know what to do or say, because i've been there. i only say so that they know what's wrong and why i'm feeling so dreadful. i don't assume they're dreadful people because they couldn't figure out what to say or do about something so deeply personal and painful for someone else. and i did indeed encounter people my age and older who didn't really say anything because they had no idea and felt too awkward about saying the wrong thing so they said nothing. ultimately, as hard as it is to bear, our grief is our own to bear. it helps to have people by our side. but sometimes people just don't know what to do, and they weren't trying to hurt us, they just felt kinda scared of addressing it wrongly, and as in my second story above, may well get ripped apart for getting it wrong despite good intentions.
so regarding your story, i think you've held onto the pain of them not stepping up for you in your time of grief, and you've held onto that pain for decades, and it all spilled out at a time that unfortunately made several others very uncomfortable. it wasn't an appropriate place to bring up all that emotion, and i have my doubts that you feel any better for having done so. i'm not sure what you expected of dan in this moment. it felt like you were punishing him for his teenage self's behaviour when he's now middle-aged and can't exactly go back and change it. so... i think soft yta for the inappropriate setting, and for holding something over someone's head for this long, but at the same time i understand that it was so incredibly painful at the time that it stuck with you for so long. | [deleted] | yta for bringing this all up now.
senior year? so you were all 17 or 18? they weren't shitty people for not knowing how to handle a friends parent passing away at that age.
even nowadays i don't know how to properly handle it. almost everyone just uses the clichés because it's a terrible awkward situation with no room for mistakes. | not really ta, but your wife has a point. you have a right to feel how you feel. obviously you went through a traumatic experience and dan's behavior, as someone who was supposed to be your friend at the time, was really hurtful to you to the point where you ended the friendship. as others have said, that probably was your chance to get that off your chest and he did ask, but for sure that would make things awkward and it wasn't really necessary.
but what gets to me is that it sounds like dan was totally oblivious that he screwed up at all and was completely caught off guard. he seemed to have no idea that he hurt you in any way or that you harbored those feelings all these years later. putting myself in his position, i would be really shocked and embarrassed. some people don't know how to react to death, especially at a young age like that. maybe if something like this happened today he would behave totally differently.
plus, it sounds like he did try to apologize, but how do you really apologize for something you didn't even realize you did decades ago, which was so bad it ruined your friendship and tainted your view of him even now? i wouldn't even know where to begin. | i'm going with yta as someone else mentioned, death and loss is very difficult for teens to process, remember, the brain hasn't fully matured yet, which is why teens are so stupid, or do dumb things.
of course your dad's death was horrible for you, especially at your tender years, but your friends, unless they too had lost a parent, probably were at a complete loss of what to say to you.
my mother died suddenly when i was 26. we were very close. while most of my friends were comforting, there were a few that would say something along the lines "omg, i'm so sorry. i would be devastated if my mom died. i couldn't go on." and they would go on and on about how horrible they would feel if their mom died. they weren't helping, but i also knew there was no malice in what they were saying. it was more of if my mother could die at such a young age, so could theirs, and it wasn't something they were ready to face. | yta
you cut off your friends because in your view they didn't provide you with enough sympathy and support. frankly i think that is petty, since it doesn't sound like you said anything to them about it and that is a big expectation to put on anyone, let alone teenage boys.
to then hold that grudge for thirty years and publicly shame them for this wrong they didn't even know they committed. that is total ah behavior. | everyone grieves differently. some people want to talk, while others would prefer to have some space or talk about something else. they probably cared, but just gave you some space because that’s what they would have wanted.
yta for not considering that not everyone thinks the way you do, and for ruining your first time together in decades. | nta
people need to learn to not ask the question unless they are ready to hear the answer. he asked. you told the truth. more truth than he wanted to hear. that is on him for asking. | ESH | null | YTA | null | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | NTA | 0.088332 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this just happened a few weeks ago, but i graduated from high school in 88. my wife and i were out for dinner and drinks and met up with some friends. we bumped in to an older friend, dan, from high school and his wife and friends. basically everyone knew everyone else. as the night went on we talked about who we still keep in contact with. in high school i hung with a couple of friend groups and am still close to one of them. the other friend group consisted of dan and another kid named mike. after we graduated i basically stopped talking to both of them. dan assumed that i drifted away from the other friend group as well. he was a bit shocked that i was still in contact with them. just an fyi, with the exception of linkedin i do not have a social media presence. he just assumed we drifted apart after college, he asked what happened. here is where i might be an asshole because of how truthful i was. my father passed away my senior year in march. mind you dan and mike were over my house a lot and knew my dad. they were fascinated with war related stuff and my dad served in korea and was highly decorated. when he passed, they never called, they didn’t show up at the wake or funeral. i took a week off after his funeral and when i saw them i got what was i thought a half assed “sorry how are you doing”. nothing how’s your mom or anything. meanwhile my friend sean and chris were by my side the whole time. that pissed me off and i realized they were shitty friends and shitty people. that and a few other choice comments too. so i told him all of this. well he got uncomfortable and tried to mumble an apology and i told him it was not important and not to bother. it kinda killed the mood for the rest of the night and everyone left shortly thereafter. my wife said i didn’t have to be so detailed in my response back to dan and while it was amusing to see the look on his face, i was an asshole for being blunt and wrecking the night. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this just happened a few weeks ago, but i graduated from high school in 88. my wife and i were out for dinner and drinks and met up with some friends. we bumped in to an older friend, dan, from high school and his wife and friends. basically everyone knew everyone else. as the night went on we talked about who we still keep in contact with. in high school i hung with a couple of friend groups and am still close to one of them. the other friend group consisted of dan and another kid named mike. after we graduated i basically stopped talking to both of them. dan assumed that i drifted away from the other friend group as well. he was a bit shocked that i was still in contact with them. just an fyi, with the exception of linkedin i do not have a social media presence. he just assumed we drifted apart after college, he asked what happened. here is where i might be an asshole because of how truthful i was. my father passed away my senior year in march. mind you dan and mike were over my house a lot and knew my dad. they were fascinated with war related stuff and my dad served in korea and was highly decorated. when he passed, they never called, they didn’t show up at the wake or funeral. i took a week off after his funeral and when i saw them i got what was i thought a half assed “sorry how are you doing”. nothing how’s your mom or anything. meanwhile my friend sean and chris were by my side the whole time. that pissed me off and i realized they were shitty friends and shitty people. that and a few other choice comments too. so i told him all of this. well he got uncomfortable and tried to mumble an apology and i told him it was not important and not to bother. it kinda killed the mood for the rest of the night and everyone left shortly thereafter. my wife said i didn’t have to be so detailed in my response back to dan and while it was amusing to see the look on his face, i was an asshole for being blunt and wrecking the night. [/INST] esh. dan should not have asked you that question in a public place. and you should not have answered it in so much detail in a public place. you were inconsiderate towards your wife and anyone else there who was just trying to have a decent night. but in the end, people shouldn't ask questions they don't want the answer to. and your reasons were very valid for dumping him as a friend. it's just....try harder to read the room. if you really wanted dan to know, you had literally years where you could have told him in a more appropriate scenario. you passed up the appropriate scenario, so you don't get to pretend like the inappropriate scenario was your only option. </s> |
AITA for suggesting/letting my 17 year old son get drunk? | i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time.
my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.
i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.
we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.
i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
aita?
info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time | 35,259 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9bilu/aita_for_suggestingletting_my_17_year_old_son_get/ | 2019-12-11 19:09:58 | nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink. | nah and honestly if you have raised a 17 year old who felt comfortable having that honest conversation with you before going to the party, good for you. you’ve been doing something right. | edit :nah
maybe something to discuss with your wife first,
but i’d say it was a responsible decision
he was 17- yeah not the legal age, but a lot of people drink that way
i’ve seen people go to college, never drinking for the first time and get fucked up under the pressure.
if he was going to drink- i think having the awareness was good.
beer and in a controlled setting was a great way to do it- it’s not like op partied with him | nah. it was perfectly responsible to help your son understand the affect alcohol has on him in a safe space. that said, you should have discussed it with your wife beforehand; a lot of people have very strong opinions on alcohol and her feeling that she was of the loop is valid. | nta.
>she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
nothing about what you did was irresponsible or reckless. your son had a few beers at home, he didn't get "wasted" and he also didn't throw up or end up in a ditch. you were there with him, nothing too terrible could have happened.
that being said: it might not stop him from getting very drunk at that party, especially if they have stuff other than beer. but at least now he has *some* experience and knows when he's starting to feel the effects of alcohol. | nah. may vary by state but kids can legally drink at home with their parent at a lower age than in public. not running it by wife is dumb, especially framed as a tolerance test. but i think in general, fair idea. remove the mystique, gain an understanding/appreciation in a safe place. | life ancedote.
i like in the uk and started going out drinking with a mixed age (16-40) group from my part time shop job.
when a 16/17 year old joined the group, they might drink too much or make a mistake, but slowly learned. we kept an eye on them, made sure they got home safely, etc..
some people wern't let out until 18 and suddenly most of the rules would get lifted. they would normally get themselves into trouble or legless everytime.
when i finished university i moved and developed a new circle of friends. as i moved through my early twenties this group fractured. one half had to do 'pre drinks' and drink themselves to destruction every social situation, the other half would have had just a good time if there was no alcohol.
being frustrated with this group i once asked them why they didn't get this behaviour out of themselves in sixth form.
we then learnt what divided the group. everyone who'd gone out at 16/17, also had parents let them try alcohol at home and didn't need alcohol to have fun and could drink in moderation. everyone 'protected' until 18 still can't drink responsibly even into their thirties.
which leads me to believe the key to good parenting is to ensure your child gains life experiences in a safe controlled manner.
you did this, the fact your wife is upset makes it a solid nta | nah. i think your reasoning was sound and you were the opposite of reckless. that said, if this is something you and your wife haven't discussed before i understand why she's upset that you didn't run it by her. | nta. that’s good parenting. your kid would most likely have gone anyway even if you didn’t drink with him. he was in a safe environment and knew beforehand what his limit should be.
as for everyone saying it was bad, they are incredibly ignorant. i guarantee their kids don’t like them and their kids don’t trust them at all. | yta. not for what you did (albeit unconventional), but rather for not letting your wife in on this decision. you should consider that things like this are going to be amplified given the nature of what she's going through. | NTA | NAH | NAH | NAH | NTA | NAH | NTA | NAH | NTA | YTA | 0.114998 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time [/INST] nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink. </s> |
AITA for stealing from my husband and refusing to apologise or give him information? | i grew up with ana and we’re family without the blood. back when i was getting married, she was the only person to ask me if it was what i wanted and when i admitted i was terrified, she offered to help me runaway even though it would be dangerous for both of us. now ana was supposed to get married soon but she confided in me that she wasn’t going to go through with it and she was just trying to figure out how to get away.
the truth is though, without money and help she was never going to get very far and it would be very bad for her to get caught. i knew i had to help her but i also knew i couldn’t just ask my husband for money because there was the risk he would ask me what it was for and i doubted he would help because he dislikes ana for something she said to him.
so, i stole the money from his safe and gave it to ana. he noticed the missing money almost immediately and asked me if it was me, i admitted it but lied and said i took the money so i could go shopping. i knew he didn’t believe me but he dropped it until ana ran. now, he’s suddenly angry about me having stolen the money and involving myself in her family’s business. her family, mine and the family she was supposed to marry into all suspect i know something, and if it wasn’t for my husband, i think i would be in serious trouble.
he asked me if i was going to apologise for stealing from him or tell him where she was and i said no, because ana would’ve done the same to help me and she never would’ve told anyone where i was. now my husband is angry at me and claims my loyalty should be with him and that he expects me to reconsider.
aita? | 794 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qzla6q/aita_for_stealing_from_my_husband_and_refusing_to/ | 2021-11-22 13:21:15 | info?
was she escaping an arranged marriage and were you coerced into one?
stealing is wrong, especially stealing from your husband, however i can also see why you wouldn't tell anyone what you were doing as you could've compromised a very vulnerable woman. | stealing is generally wrong, but it sounds like in your culture you probably don’t have access to money of your own, and your friend’s safety is important.
you’ve taken responsibility for stealing from your husband, and he has a right to be mad about your theft. but the rest? that he wouldn’t help your friend (doesn’t stand behind you), that he thinks you should have stayed out of their family business to her detriment, that he wants you to tell him where she is? nta. thank you for being a good friend. i hope that despite your husband’s anger right now you are safe. please take care of yourself | info: were you coerced into an arranged marriage? | your husband is an asshole for being a party to a forced marriage. i’m assuming he forced you to consummate it so asshole feels like an understatement.
you’re never an asshole from saving someone else from a forced marriage. i hope ana is okay and that she helps you escape when she can.
also, when you do get the chance to escape- take everything in your husband’s safe.
nta | info - was this an arranged marriage? from a culture where you don’t have a choice? my sisters fiancé is from a country where some of his friends were seriously hurt by refusing marriage, i’ve heard story’s there not pretty. i think this needs to be in the post of this is the case | question: do you love and trust your husband? | nta. generally speaking theft is wrong but i fully believe there are cases where it can be acceptable. the safety and well-being of another can fall in the acceptable category. ana isn't just a "friend" as others have said. blood or no blood she's your family and you are helping her escape a forced marriage. i'm praying you stay safe in all of this. | nta. i'm assuming that ana was entering a marriage in which she would become the potential victim of physical and/or psychological abuse. or, ana was being forced into a marriage by her family that she wanted no part of.
i disagree that you stole money from your husband since i see these monies as joint marital property.
in this case, you helped ana by using marital resources. it would have been desirable for you and your husband to discuss and agree to this action. but i don't see this as theft. | nta*, but i don’t know what culture you’re coming from so this is purely from a white american view so i could be very wrong on this.
i’m not sure what kind of situation your friend is in, but if there was any possibility for abuse, i’d say nta. with that said though i feel like you possibly should have been honest with your husband though it does bother me that he has the money locked up from you and this won’t help whatever situation you might be in either. | nta
i don’t think survival crimes are morally the same as others. you save someone | INFO | NTA | INFO | NTA | INFO | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.052378 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i grew up with ana and we’re family without the blood. back when i was getting married, she was the only person to ask me if it was what i wanted and when i admitted i was terrified, she offered to help me runaway even though it would be dangerous for both of us. now ana was supposed to get married soon but she confided in me that she wasn’t going to go through with it and she was just trying to figure out how to get away. the truth is though, without money and help she was never going to get very far and it would be very bad for her to get caught. i knew i had to help her but i also knew i couldn’t just ask my husband for money because there was the risk he would ask me what it was for and i doubted he would help because he dislikes ana for something she said to him. so, i stole the money from his safe and gave it to ana. he noticed the missing money almost immediately and asked me if it was me, i admitted it but lied and said i took the money so i could go shopping. i knew he didn’t believe me but he dropped it until ana ran. now, he’s suddenly angry about me having stolen the money and involving myself in her family’s business. her family, mine and the family she was supposed to marry into all suspect i know something, and if it wasn’t for my husband, i think i would be in serious trouble. he asked me if i was going to apologise for stealing from him or tell him where she was and i said no, because ana would’ve done the same to help me and she never would’ve told anyone where i was. now my husband is angry at me and claims my loyalty should be with him and that he expects me to reconsider. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
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i grew up with ana and we’re family without the blood. back when i was getting married, she was the only person to ask me if it was what i wanted and when i admitted i was terrified, she offered to help me runaway even though it would be dangerous for both of us. now ana was supposed to get married soon but she confided in me that she wasn’t going to go through with it and she was just trying to figure out how to get away. the truth is though, without money and help she was never going to get very far and it would be very bad for her to get caught. i knew i had to help her but i also knew i couldn’t just ask my husband for money because there was the risk he would ask me what it was for and i doubted he would help because he dislikes ana for something she said to him. so, i stole the money from his safe and gave it to ana. he noticed the missing money almost immediately and asked me if it was me, i admitted it but lied and said i took the money so i could go shopping. i knew he didn’t believe me but he dropped it until ana ran. now, he’s suddenly angry about me having stolen the money and involving myself in her family’s business. her family, mine and the family she was supposed to marry into all suspect i know something, and if it wasn’t for my husband, i think i would be in serious trouble. he asked me if i was going to apologise for stealing from him or tell him where she was and i said no, because ana would’ve done the same to help me and she never would’ve told anyone where i was. now my husband is angry at me and claims my loyalty should be with him and that he expects me to reconsider. aita? [/INST] info? was she escaping an arranged marriage and were you coerced into one? stealing is wrong, especially stealing from your husband, however i can also see why you wouldn't tell anyone what you were doing as you could've compromised a very vulnerable woman. </s> |
AITA for refusing to give my trans daughter a family heirloom? | i have 3 kids susan (17), jessica (mtf for 4 yearts 18), and matt (21). there's a tradition on my side of the family where the oldest daughter in the family gets a beautiful diamond necklace when they turn 18. okay, so i was having dinner with my family last night when susan casually asked me if she could please wear the necklace to her junior prom. i told her she could and joked that it doesn't matter because in a year it will be hers. this is where jessica chimed in and said, " how come i'm not going to get it? i am the oldest daughter." this made us all quiet and i didn't really know what to say as i've never really thought about it since i always planned on giving it to susan . after thinking for a few seconds. i told jessica that i have always planned on giving it to susan and it wouldn't be fair but since circumstances have changed i am willing to go with you to a jewelry store and get you something equally special. this did not satisfy jessica and she got progressively ruder to me. jessica being rude to me and our fighting led susan to say some very transphobic things to jessica (which made her walk off and cry) that i don't wish to repeat.
i'm at an impasse. my and i really don't think giving jessica the necklace would be the right thing to do. aita? | 10,136 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1w25p/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_trans_daughter_a/ | 2020-02-10 20:11:00 | nah. you are all in a difficult situation. your trans daughter feels it’s yet another instance of her being considered less than a woman. your female born daughter feels it’s being unfairly removed from her and you didn’t consider this possibility because who can really foresee this. i’m sorry you have this dilemma. my opinion, give it to daughter who always expected to receive it, explain to trans daughter how you respect and recognize her as your daughter but this was set in motion before anyone knew. i think starting a new heirloom is a great idea. | nah. for most of her life, susan thought she was going to get the necklace because she was the only daughter. i'd say it's not fair to take that away from her.
but i can also see how jessica would think it should be passed on to her. | nah.
you weren't purposely excluding jessica, it just didn't occur to you because you'd always intended to give it to susan.
you're right, it wouldnt be fair to change that after she knew she was going to have it her whole life.
you proposed a thoughtful compromise and she rejected it.
you're in no way being transphobic. | [deleted] | nta
susan became the eldest daughter at birth and has been the eldest daughter for longer than jessica.
i understand where jessica is coming from, but her logic isn’t fair to susan. under this logic, she could have transitioned half a year ago and laid claim to the heirloom, as the now-eldest daughter. no, it’s susan’s heirloom.
you handled everything as best as you could imo. susan, however, should be made to apologize for her transphobic comments.
also, you mentioned a son—is he relevant to the story in any way? | info: if this necklace is given to the oldest daughter when they turn 18 and jessica is already 18, why didn't jessica bring this up beforehand? it doesn't sound like she wants the necklace for the traditions. it seems like she wanted it to validate herself as a woman in the face of her little sister getting it. it seems like if susan had never asked to wear it, jessica would not have cared, up until the point that susan was set to receive the heirloom at least. then i imagine this situation happening at that point in time. regardless of gender or sexuality, that's asshole behavior in my eyes. of course, susan was also an asshole for the transphobic comments. | nah (other than jessica)
normally i am very supported of trans post... but this one i feel for susan. she has gown up expecting this her whole life... it would suck to get it yanked out from under her and that is not really fair to her. it has nothing to do with being trans... she was told this would happen and i generally think people should keep their word. it sounds like it was promised to susan long before jessica was jessica. then again if her default is to go transphobic... i don't want to support her.
i think your proposed solution was an elegant one. but i also think you may want to rethink your tradition and take all kids to the jewelry store at 18 and get them something nice. | honestly, i think your compromise is fair. it might not feel like it to jessica, but it also wouldn’t be fair to susan to take away something she’s been anticipating her whole life. nah | info: jessica is already 18, and has been transitioning for 4 years. has this never come up before? | nta (though you should reprimand susan for saying nasty things to jessica)
there was an existing understanding for over a decade that the necklace would be going to susan. it wouldn't be appropriate to retract that inheritance because jessica changed her gender recently. | NAH | NAH | NAH | null | NTA | INFO | NAH | NAH | INFO | NTA | 0.083333 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have 3 kids susan (17), jessica (mtf for 4 yearts 18), and matt (21). there's a tradition on my side of the family where the oldest daughter in the family gets a beautiful diamond necklace when they turn 18. okay, so i was having dinner with my family last night when susan casually asked me if she could please wear the necklace to her junior prom. i told her she could and joked that it doesn't matter because in a year it will be hers. this is where jessica chimed in and said, " how come i'm not going to get it? i am the oldest daughter." this made us all quiet and i didn't really know what to say as i've never really thought about it since i always planned on giving it to susan . after thinking for a few seconds. i told jessica that i have always planned on giving it to susan and it wouldn't be fair but since circumstances have changed i am willing to go with you to a jewelry store and get you something equally special. this did not satisfy jessica and she got progressively ruder to me. jessica being rude to me and our fighting led susan to say some very transphobic things to jessica (which made her walk off and cry) that i don't wish to repeat. i'm at an impasse. my and i really don't think giving jessica the necklace would be the right thing to do. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have 3 kids susan (17), jessica (mtf for 4 yearts 18), and matt (21). there's a tradition on my side of the family where the oldest daughter in the family gets a beautiful diamond necklace when they turn 18. okay, so i was having dinner with my family last night when susan casually asked me if she could please wear the necklace to her junior prom. i told her she could and joked that it doesn't matter because in a year it will be hers. this is where jessica chimed in and said, " how come i'm not going to get it? i am the oldest daughter." this made us all quiet and i didn't really know what to say as i've never really thought about it since i always planned on giving it to susan . after thinking for a few seconds. i told jessica that i have always planned on giving it to susan and it wouldn't be fair but since circumstances have changed i am willing to go with you to a jewelry store and get you something equally special. this did not satisfy jessica and she got progressively ruder to me. jessica being rude to me and our fighting led susan to say some very transphobic things to jessica (which made her walk off and cry) that i don't wish to repeat. i'm at an impasse. my and i really don't think giving jessica the necklace would be the right thing to do. aita? [/INST] nah. you are all in a difficult situation. your trans daughter feels it’s yet another instance of her being considered less than a woman. your female born daughter feels it’s being unfairly removed from her and you didn’t consider this possibility because who can really foresee this. i’m sorry you have this dilemma. my opinion, give it to daughter who always expected to receive it, explain to trans daughter how you respect and recognize her as your daughter but this was set in motion before anyone knew. i think starting a new heirloom is a great idea. </s> |
AITA for laughing in my mother's friends face when she told me to 'go to my room'? | i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago.
as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact.
she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave.
my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral.
i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left.
my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me.
aita? | 25,433 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x1n1cu/aita_for_laughing_in_my_mothers_friends_face_when/ | 2022-08-30 16:08:52 | nta.
i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in. | nta
the audacity to try and send someone else's adult child to their room. i would have laughed too. |
> i may be ta because my mother's friend didn't know me and may have genuinely thought i was a minor as i do look very young for my age.
it really wouldn't matter. you're nta now and you'd have been nta if you had been a minor - she had no business speaking to you that way regardless.
the fact that adults can quite often get away with behaving badly towards children because children don't usually have the ability to do what you did here doesn't mean that their behaviour is good, it just means they can get away with it.
she behaved like an arse, and you spanked her. | nta
lol about going to your room. for future reference, you can get your birth certificate at the city hall in the city you were born in. you didn't need to go to your mother's house. | absolutely nta. your mom’s friend was very inappropriate, and there was nothing wrong with your response to her. i don’t blame you for laughing, either. | nta. in fact, i think it would have been impossible for you to respond any better. | info: did you get your documents? | i think you handled it pretty well.
sounds like you mum was misleading her friend - sounds like the friend had been told you were being mean not helping out with your little brothers, suspect she missed out the fact that you don't live there and barely know the boys because she denied you a relationship with them. | nta
other snappy comebacks include, “i haven’t had a room in this house for seven years. bye.” | i loved how savage you were😂😂😂 | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | INFO | null | NTA | null | 0.005167 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25,f) don't speak to my mother, like at all. i had to go to my mother's house today to pick up an important document that i left behind when i moved out seven years ago. as soon as i got to the house, my mother suddenly had a massive 'emergency' and realised that it was apparently her friend's funeral today and she completely forgot about it. i couldn't help but internally roll my eyes, as there is always some drama hence why i have gone no/very low contact. she asked me if i would watch my two younger brothers (7 and 11) whilst she went to the funeral, and i said absolutely not, as it's my only day off, i have plans, and i have no relationship with them due to my mother stopping them from seeing me for years. i just wanted to get my birth certificate and leave. my mother asked her friend if she would babysit and asked me to stay for 10 minutes until her friend came. i didn't even get the opportunity to say no before my mother left the house. i was seething but resolved to wait 10 minutes. my mother's friend turned up and started berating me for not agreeing to look after my brother's whilst my mother went to the funeral. i said 'i don't have anything to do with my mother, it's my day off work, and i'm under no obligation to look after anyone else's children'. my mother's friend then told me to 'go to my room'. i laughed in her face and started to leave the house, and she asked me where i was going. and i told her, 'my room, at my apartment, that i pay for with my big girl job. because i'm an adult, not a child. and don't ever speak down to me like that again'. and i left. my mother has left me loads of messages and missed calls saying i'm an ah for the way i spoke to her friend. i do admit i look kinda young but i still am not happy with the way my mother's friend spoke to me. aita? [/INST] nta. i actually quite admire your refusal to get drawn in. </s> |
AITA for not making my daughter invite special needs kid to her birthday? | my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class.
here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice.
well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm.
i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita? | 7,625 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qu70x1/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_invite_special/ | 2021-11-15 03:32:28 | yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job | this is a hard one because i have kids with disabilities that never get invited to things and it's so devastatingly heartbreaking seeing them so hurt. my son is 7.5 and has never even been asked for a playdate. my 15yo has never had a party. but the fact is your daughter comes first and if she will feel uncomfortable about inviting the child with special needs, then that seriously needs consideration.
i do think you need to talk to your daughter though about inclusivity and acceptance, but she still shouldn't be forced to invite someone she doesn't want to.
i don't think inviting the whole class and excluding that one child was the right thing to do. that is a real asshole move for sure. you could have invited just a handful of kids (the school rules are bs), the school really can't tell you who you can and can't invite to a party, that's none of their business. there are ways you could have sent invites without disrupting the teacher and class.
i know this isn't quite the same but i won't "restrict" certain party foods in case of other kids having allergies, it's my child's party and they should be able to eat whatever without dietry/allergy restrictions. i will inform the parents that it's not an allergen safe party. i'm more than happy to supply some allergen free food and keep it separate from the rest. but cross contamination is still a high risk, so i would inform the parents and they can decide whether or not to take the chance, not come or bring their own food with them. | yta. you started off by saying that you’re making her stick to the school guidelines because you don’t “like the dynamic” just to leave out one girl because she has special needs. at that point you might as well have just fully broken guidelines & only invited her close friends. | this is tough for me. my very first birthday party i had, i was turning 6 and we went to a chuck-e-cheese style place. all the kids in my class were invited. only one of the other parents stuck around out of the kids that arrived. we didn't know it at the time, but one of the girls had mental health issues. her grandmother dropped her off and this birthday is just lodged in my memory because of this girl. she blew the candles on my cake, opened all my presents, and cried on multiple indoor rides and slides so we were no longer allowed to play in/on them. i was absolutely miserable. we found out by 3rd grade that she had mental health issues and was transferred to another school because of it. i still don't think it's a good thing to not include avery, but i do think if her parents will be there and make sure she is not the center of attention, it would make the difference. | i don't understand why schools get involved in what you do at your house. if you want to invite a few friends, it's nobody else's business. period. | nta.
this “everyone must always be included” shtick is actually harmful to children in the long run. it teaches them they’re not allowed to exclude people they don’t like, people who bully them, people who trample boundaries etc. i say this as a (now adult) child who was regularly excluded because my adhd made me a hard kid to handle.
it’s not your child’s job to make sure avery has childhood experiences - that’s her parents job and they can do that by hosting a birthday party for avery.
the school can’t enforce anything. they can’t prevent you from hosting a birthday party outside of school time and they can’t force you to invite anyone - they’re all wind. let the other parents whine all they want. | nta. the age of 7 is when i recall getting frustrated with the fact that my mother would invite kids i did not want around at my birthday party. my 8th birthday was the last time as i broke down crying before my 9th birthday and told her i did not want someone i don't want to spend time with on my special day. | contrary to popular agreement, nta..
i agree with inclusivity, and i understand they'd feel left out . but here your daughter's happiness is important as it's her birthday.. she shouldn't be forced to spend time with someone she doesn't want to..
if she was older, i'd say, it's now time for her to understand about inclusivity, and learnt to be emphatic, but now.. it's her birthday, it's upto you and her..
may be as a compromise just invite her to pizza, if it's gonna be an issue | yta you said you were going to invite everyone and make her stick to the school guidelines. that means everyone. that includes the disabled kid. | nta this is your daughter's birthday. she should feel free to invite or not invite whomever she wants to. that other parent had no business gossiping to the parent of the autistic child what you said | YTA | null | YTA | null | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | YTA | NTA | 0.727158 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita? [/INST] yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job </s> |
AITA for telling my BF baby mama she needs to move on? | i (30f) and my bf (31m) are a newly happy couple. we’ve been together for a few months but we’ve know each other for a long time and it’s been great. he has a son from his last relationship and they have a great time when he can see him. however, his bm (36f) is absolutely crazy, i don’t say that because i’m the new gf, i mean she’s actually crazy. they have been broken up for 8 months and we’ve been together for 2. example: one morning while we were in bed asleep, she’s called him to scream at him and asked him where he was and when he said “i was asleep, what’s up?” she completely went off on him calling him a piece of shit father, he’s nothing but trash and she hopes he dies, and that “hope that new bitch is worth it because you aren’t ever going to see your son again”. later on that same day, she sent him a bunch of my bf favorite snacks to his house and when he sent her a picture of the coffee she got him, she said “omg why does your hand look so sexy there.” stuff like that.
i’ve let the little comments and stuff like that go because i don’t want there to be drama for him or his son because my bf can only see him when she feels like it. i’ve also talked to my boyfriend about it and he’s tired talking to her about it. however, last night was the finale straw for me. my bf and i were watching a movie when she called.
her: “i need you to go out and get me a list of things that i need.”
him: “ok, we’ve had this talk before, you can’t just call me when you need something, what does my son need?”
her: “baby, he doesn’t need anything right now, why can’t you just go get what i need”
him: “don’t call me that. and i’m busy. i’ll pick up the stuff that he needs tomorrow when i come visit.”
her: “but baby..”
me (slightly irritated): “look, he already told you once to stop calling him that. my god, will you move on from him, he’s not your little errand boy nor is he your boyfriend anymore.”
her: “oh you with that bitch, i see how it is.” (she hangs up)
i apologized to my bf right afterwards. he told me it was fine and tired calling her back but she did what she always does and blocked him. it’s now the next morning and he are worried he won’t be able to see his son after he gets off work. i feel terrible and think i should apologize to her but i don’t feel bad about what i said. aita? | 872 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/og8qwj/aita_for_telling_my_bf_baby_mama_she_needs_to/ | 2021-07-08 14:48:55 | info: why doesn't he have a custody agreement? | \*cough\* if you think they're really broken up broken up, you may be in for a rude awakening. | esh.
she doesn't sound lovely, that's for sure, but you've only been together for two months so you don't know the extent of what happened with them, and she is the mother of his child. stay out of it. you need to let him handle her and tell him what makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, but when you put yourself in the middle, you are putting yourself in the middle of him and his child, as you just found out.
two months in you should fully stay out of anything to do with his family, and his ex is included in this. control yourself. | “i don’t want there to be any drama”
and the test determined that was a lie.
esh | esh. he's committed within 6 months of breaking up with his child's mom. she is obviously not over him. and you are meddling. so, yeah. | "no one rides as hard for a baby daddy as his new girlfriend."
regardless of how crazy she is, you need to cool your jets. you two have only been dating for a few months. that's the mother of his child and like it or not she'll always be in his life.
if you two end up staying together for a while or get married, then yes, you'll have standing to say something. but right now, you're straying out of your lane. | [deleted] | yta - the only thing that was ever going to do was make the situation worse. you're his *new* relationship, you chose a guy who recently became a father and has a difficult ex. this is his situation and his problem to deal with not yours. you interjecting like that was something it sounds like the mother would do in your place | esh, you’ve been dating for 2 months. you’re barely a girlfriend, stay out of it. | yta.
you need to stay out of it, anything you do will only make it worse. | INFO | null | ESH | ESH | ESH | null | null | YTA | ESH | YTA | 0.058672 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30f) and my bf (31m) are a newly happy couple. we’ve been together for a few months but we’ve know each other for a long time and it’s been great. he has a son from his last relationship and they have a great time when he can see him. however, his bm (36f) is absolutely crazy, i don’t say that because i’m the new gf, i mean she’s actually crazy. they have been broken up for 8 months and we’ve been together for 2. example: one morning while we were in bed asleep, she’s called him to scream at him and asked him where he was and when he said “i was asleep, what’s up?” she completely went off on him calling him a piece of shit father, he’s nothing but trash and she hopes he dies, and that “hope that new bitch is worth it because you aren’t ever going to see your son again”. later on that same day, she sent him a bunch of my bf favorite snacks to his house and when he sent her a picture of the coffee she got him, she said “omg why does your hand look so sexy there.” stuff like that. i’ve let the little comments and stuff like that go because i don’t want there to be drama for him or his son because my bf can only see him when she feels like it. i’ve also talked to my boyfriend about it and he’s tired talking to her about it. however, last night was the finale straw for me. my bf and i were watching a movie when she called. her: “i need you to go out and get me a list of things that i need.” him: “ok, we’ve had this talk before, you can’t just call me when you need something, what does my son need?” her: “baby, he doesn’t need anything right now, why can’t you just go get what i need” him: “don’t call me that. and i’m busy. i’ll pick up the stuff that he needs tomorrow when i come visit.” her: “but baby..” me (slightly irritated): “look, he already told you once to stop calling him that. my god, will you move on from him, he’s not your little errand boy nor is he your boyfriend anymore.” her: “oh you with that bitch, i see how it is.” (she hangs up) i apologized to my bf right afterwards. he told me it was fine and tired calling her back but she did what she always does and blocked him. it’s now the next morning and he are worried he won’t be able to see his son after he gets off work. i feel terrible and think i should apologize to her but i don’t feel bad about what i said. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (30f) and my bf (31m) are a newly happy couple. we’ve been together for a few months but we’ve know each other for a long time and it’s been great. he has a son from his last relationship and they have a great time when he can see him. however, his bm (36f) is absolutely crazy, i don’t say that because i’m the new gf, i mean she’s actually crazy. they have been broken up for 8 months and we’ve been together for 2. example: one morning while we were in bed asleep, she’s called him to scream at him and asked him where he was and when he said “i was asleep, what’s up?” she completely went off on him calling him a piece of shit father, he’s nothing but trash and she hopes he dies, and that “hope that new bitch is worth it because you aren’t ever going to see your son again”. later on that same day, she sent him a bunch of my bf favorite snacks to his house and when he sent her a picture of the coffee she got him, she said “omg why does your hand look so sexy there.” stuff like that. i’ve let the little comments and stuff like that go because i don’t want there to be drama for him or his son because my bf can only see him when she feels like it. i’ve also talked to my boyfriend about it and he’s tired talking to her about it. however, last night was the finale straw for me. my bf and i were watching a movie when she called. her: “i need you to go out and get me a list of things that i need.” him: “ok, we’ve had this talk before, you can’t just call me when you need something, what does my son need?” her: “baby, he doesn’t need anything right now, why can’t you just go get what i need” him: “don’t call me that. and i’m busy. i’ll pick up the stuff that he needs tomorrow when i come visit.” her: “but baby..” me (slightly irritated): “look, he already told you once to stop calling him that. my god, will you move on from him, he’s not your little errand boy nor is he your boyfriend anymore.” her: “oh you with that bitch, i see how it is.” (she hangs up) i apologized to my bf right afterwards. he told me it was fine and tired calling her back but she did what she always does and blocked him. it’s now the next morning and he are worried he won’t be able to see his son after he gets off work. i feel terrible and think i should apologize to her but i don’t feel bad about what i said. aita? [/INST] info: why doesn't he have a custody agreement? </s> |
WIBTA if I sent someone back their Christmas card and asked them not to send them to me anymore. | a little background. i met a guy (‘mark’) at work many years ago and we developed a pretty close friendship. i often met up with him and his wife for dinners, movies, etc. and we frequently went to each other’s houses to hang out.
i am a gay man and fairly late in life i came out to my family and friends a little over four years ago. i came out to mark at one of our dinner meet ups and he seemed cool with it and accepting. however, after that day, he never once tried to contact me to do anything social and all attempts to meet up had to be initiated by me. he often had excuses about being busy and the couple times we did get together, something just seemed off. i eventually stopped trying and we haven’t spoken in over three years now. over the course of my life i have come to understand that most friendships are transient in nature but this one got to me. it can’t be a coincidence that this happened right after i came out to him but i didn’t want to be confrontational about it so i just accepted it and moved on.
however, every year i get a christmas card from him and his wife. it is the typical recent picture of them printed on a card with a christmas greeting. nothing personal is ever written on it. i just received the latest one and i realized that receiving the card makes me sad rather than happy and serves as an annual reminder of the loss of our friendship. i would really rather not get them. after christmas is over this year, i really want to send the card back to him with a note saying i prefer not to receive any cards from him in the future. wibta? i’d really like to get an outside perspective on this. | 913 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebgst8/wibta_if_i_sent_someone_back_their_christmas_card/ | 2019-12-16 15:48:52 | info: why not just mark the envelope return to sender instead? | [deleted] | yta - it's not clear that it's being done maliciously, even though it makes you sad. i'm not sure what sending the note back would accomplish... just seems really passive aggressive. | ywtba
it's not difficult to just throw it in the trash. | nta
def return to sender. dont be put off by some calling you ta. it's a reminder of a certain type of emotional trauma, and you aren't overreacting, you just cant help reacting to it. if you return to sender they might assume you've moved and it will stop taking you to an unhappy place <3 | yta, you making big assumptions against him. if you don't want the letters, just mark return to sender. they will either try to reach out or take you off the list. | [deleted] | nta, personally i would rts it and pretend i moved. | i think it’s sad you’re being told you’re overreacting. i would not go with coincidence when you were hanging out loads then to nothing after telling him you are gay.
if you strongly feel you need to tell him then do. it’s a matter of principle asking him not to bother your letterbox with yearly reminders of how he is disloyal as a friend. you deserve peace and standing up to that might make you feel better and stronger. | this made me sad. you are definitely not wrong in how you are feeling. i think you are going to do the right thing. | INFO | null | YTA | null | NTA | YTA | null | NTA | null | null | 0.894427 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little background. i met a guy (‘mark’) at work many years ago and we developed a pretty close friendship. i often met up with him and his wife for dinners, movies, etc. and we frequently went to each other’s houses to hang out. i am a gay man and fairly late in life i came out to my family and friends a little over four years ago. i came out to mark at one of our dinner meet ups and he seemed cool with it and accepting. however, after that day, he never once tried to contact me to do anything social and all attempts to meet up had to be initiated by me. he often had excuses about being busy and the couple times we did get together, something just seemed off. i eventually stopped trying and we haven’t spoken in over three years now. over the course of my life i have come to understand that most friendships are transient in nature but this one got to me. it can’t be a coincidence that this happened right after i came out to him but i didn’t want to be confrontational about it so i just accepted it and moved on. however, every year i get a christmas card from him and his wife. it is the typical recent picture of them printed on a card with a christmas greeting. nothing personal is ever written on it. i just received the latest one and i realized that receiving the card makes me sad rather than happy and serves as an annual reminder of the loss of our friendship. i would really rather not get them. after christmas is over this year, i really want to send the card back to him with a note saying i prefer not to receive any cards from him in the future. wibta? i’d really like to get an outside perspective on this. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little background. i met a guy (‘mark’) at work many years ago and we developed a pretty close friendship. i often met up with him and his wife for dinners, movies, etc. and we frequently went to each other’s houses to hang out. i am a gay man and fairly late in life i came out to my family and friends a little over four years ago. i came out to mark at one of our dinner meet ups and he seemed cool with it and accepting. however, after that day, he never once tried to contact me to do anything social and all attempts to meet up had to be initiated by me. he often had excuses about being busy and the couple times we did get together, something just seemed off. i eventually stopped trying and we haven’t spoken in over three years now. over the course of my life i have come to understand that most friendships are transient in nature but this one got to me. it can’t be a coincidence that this happened right after i came out to him but i didn’t want to be confrontational about it so i just accepted it and moved on. however, every year i get a christmas card from him and his wife. it is the typical recent picture of them printed on a card with a christmas greeting. nothing personal is ever written on it. i just received the latest one and i realized that receiving the card makes me sad rather than happy and serves as an annual reminder of the loss of our friendship. i would really rather not get them. after christmas is over this year, i really want to send the card back to him with a note saying i prefer not to receive any cards from him in the future. wibta? i’d really like to get an outside perspective on this. [/INST] info: why not just mark the envelope return to sender instead? </s> |
AITA for refusing to pay for my wife’s meal because she keeps forgetting to bring any money | i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish.
about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside.
at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay.
i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita? | 7,464 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suj13g/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_wifes_meal/ | 2022-02-17 07:30:07 | yta.
if you had a problem with this thing she did frequently while you were dating, why did you marry her? why go for public embarrassment instead of *just talking to her*? way to address this in the most passive-aggressive way possible.
honestly, why are you even counting pennies like this with your *wife*? | yta since you're married and as you stated in a comment below, you share funds. then what is the problem? it's coming out of the same account either way. you need to lighten up, i think you're taking out other frustrations out on your wife. | info: if you share funds, why does it matter? this just seems weird to me | yta. by your own words you went from never saying anything to making a scene because your frustrations boiled over. you’ve gotta learn to communicate better than that if you want a marriage to work out.
also nothing you said backs up your assertion that she is intentionally dodging the bill. | info: do you guys not share funds? why not? | esh. this far into your relationship, stuff like this should have been sorted out. why not get a joint account to which you both contribute equally; and you take your friday night dinners out of it? | [removed] | yta. whether you technically share bank accounts or not you’re on the same damn team. act like it. | info. this post is kind of confusing, do you not have shared marital assets? | omg dude yta
when i first read this i was totally on your side. she has to be ta right? i mean.. who goes 6 years never picking up a cheque? who actively tells their partner they brought money with them and deliberately doesn't do it? that's deliberate deception to get out of paying. what a b word!
then i find out that you share funds and she actively contributes to that by working a good job! what the actual fuck? she did pay for the meal - or at least - she did contribute to paying for the meal! if you have shared funds and she works a good job - dude she paid. she just didn't physically put the money down. what difference does it make who puts the money down? would you rather she did and then sat there acting like she'd paid for you and lorded that over you while knowing that it was actually a shared effort - ya know.. like you did in this post. you are so ta here.. and you need to apologize, and probably buy her flowers -which she'll also be helping to pay for.
you need to think about this and the fact that you did this and put her in this position, infront of the daughter. that's not ok. you made a scene for no reason. get off of reddit and go make it right. | YTA | YTA | INFO | YTA | INFO | ESH | null | YTA | INFO | YTA | 0.069284 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish. about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside. at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay. i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i usually go out with my wife about every friday night. when we were dating she very commonly forget to bring her purse or money at all so i would for her but i’ve been doing this for years and i have reached my absolute limit. i’ve been frustrated paying her her before but i never said anything as i didn’t her to think i was selfish. about a week ago we decided to go eat at family restaurant with my wife and stepdaughter. in the car i asked her if she brought any money and she said that she didn’t so i told her go into the house before we leave and bring some cash. she went in and claimed she brought her purse with cash inside. at the restaurant we receive our bill and what do you know my wife left her purse in the car. i told her to go bring and gave her the keys. she said it wasn’t in there. i went to check myself and it’s really not there. she’s looks embarrassed at our table and asks her own daughter to pay for her meal. my stepdaughter was going to do it but i told her to leave it as i would pay. i told my wife this was the last straw and that she was intentionally doing this. she denied my accusations and said to keep it down but the minute we got in the car she called me an asshole for just not paying. i responded with the fact that she 100% had the money to pay as she worked a good job and that this was ridiculous. she said i was still being a dick and i needed to think about i just said. i don’t think i did anything wrong. aita? [/INST] yta. if you had a problem with this thing she did frequently while you were dating, why did you marry her? why go for public embarrassment instead of *just talking to her*? way to address this in the most passive-aggressive way possible. honestly, why are you even counting pennies like this with your *wife*? </s> |
AITA for dancing well at a wedding? | background: my sister and i have never gotten along. i don't know why, i wish i did so i could fix it but so it goes. i had invited her to come country dancing with me every time i was home, but she never wanted to go.
my date for the wedding was my swing dance partner. we tore up the floor all night long. any time a country song was on, we'd go dance whether the dance floor was empty or full. we were having a blast which was great because i really didn't want to be there since my sister put my ex of 7 years in the bridal party (the groom didn't really know him at all and turns out he doesn't really like the groom). my dance partner asked my sister if she wanted to dance at least three times, she declined, and danced quite a few times with the maid of honor who doesn't swing dance, but can sure follow a lead and killed it!
a few members of my family have told me that my dancing at the wedding was inappropriate and i should have toned it down. they have even gone so far as to tell me that i hired a professional dancer to be my date (he isn't... i met him jr year of college when we started dancing weekly together at a bar)
so my question is, am i the asshole for dancing like i know how to dance or should i have dialed it back a but for the wedding? | 14,887 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cocpeh/aita_for_dancing_well_at_a_wedding/ | 2019-08-10 03:10:57 | yta. it’s one thing to dance well at a wedding, as your title says, but completely out of bounds to do arials, as seen in your comments, on a dance floor. that’s not welcoming dance behavior, it’s intimidating. you may know what you’re doing, but other people may be worried about being hit by a leg or a stray shoe. that’s for professional dance events, not a wedding unless you’re specifically asked to do so. have a little common sense.
oh wait, no, you were showing off at a wedding and making it about your great dance skills. | yta
think of what it would look like if a nba player showed up at a neighborhood pickup game and played like a championship was at stake. would you be like, wow he is having a great time and looks so cool or would you be thinking, wow what a jerk - did he really just slam the ball away from that 15 year-old? the aerials and what not? over the top and too show offy for a wedding dance floor. | pal, you were doing ariels. that’s tooo much for a wedding that’s not yours. it’s good to have fun for a few songs, but doing stunts like that is not appropriate. | yta, unfortunately. i'm a professional ballroom dancer and my husband is my dance partner. we make it a point to never partner dance at a wedding (except ours and even that was low key) one time we started to do a few basic moves in the corner and my aunt immediately called us out on it. no one wants to see it and definitely no one wants to dodge legs/feet. sounds like you came prepared to show off (referencing the adidas shorts) and aerial's are a huge breach of etiquette on a social dance floor. it's frustrating to know how to dance but not show it, but time and place. that was neither imo. | likely yta. maybe nah. weddings are meant to be danced at, but the bride and groom are also meant to be the center of attention. it sounds like you might have lacked a little self awareness, but someone could've approached you during the evening if your behavior was an issue. maybe your dress flew up and you it was a bit risqué? either way, if i had a problem, especially if it was my sister, i would have sent my mom to ask you to tone it down and if you didn't respect that then you would definitely be ta.
it also seems like you acted out of bitterness a bit. your relationship with your sister or your dissatisfaction with the groomsmen have nothing to do with the dancing issue. it comes across that you wanted to show her up. | yta, dancing so wildly that you need shorts under your dress in case you flash the other guests and doing stunts etc is not appropriate at a wedding, unless other people do it too and it’s ‘normal’. there is dancing and there is giving a show. you did the latter. | doing anything at some else's wedding that calls attention to yourself is kinda a dick move. im leaning towards yta. have fun when it's not making others uncomfortable. | info: did he lift you off the ground at any point? | yta.
it's your responsibility not to be distracting at a wedding. this dictates what you wear, how you behave, etc.
i might have rounded this up to participating-not-trying-to-distract if it was not for the fact that your post makes you sound like an asshole.
a *few* family members confronted you about this? when three people tell you you're an asshole, you're probably an asshole. | yta, it's your sister's day and you made yourself the center of attention
but far from that, thank you for posting an aita that actually warrants a response | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | INFO | YTA | YTA | 0.00388 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background: my sister and i have never gotten along. i don't know why, i wish i did so i could fix it but so it goes. i had invited her to come country dancing with me every time i was home, but she never wanted to go. my date for the wedding was my swing dance partner. we tore up the floor all night long. any time a country song was on, we'd go dance whether the dance floor was empty or full. we were having a blast which was great because i really didn't want to be there since my sister put my ex of 7 years in the bridal party (the groom didn't really know him at all and turns out he doesn't really like the groom). my dance partner asked my sister if she wanted to dance at least three times, she declined, and danced quite a few times with the maid of honor who doesn't swing dance, but can sure follow a lead and killed it! a few members of my family have told me that my dancing at the wedding was inappropriate and i should have toned it down. they have even gone so far as to tell me that i hired a professional dancer to be my date (he isn't... i met him jr year of college when we started dancing weekly together at a bar) so my question is, am i the asshole for dancing like i know how to dance or should i have dialed it back a but for the wedding? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background: my sister and i have never gotten along. i don't know why, i wish i did so i could fix it but so it goes. i had invited her to come country dancing with me every time i was home, but she never wanted to go. my date for the wedding was my swing dance partner. we tore up the floor all night long. any time a country song was on, we'd go dance whether the dance floor was empty or full. we were having a blast which was great because i really didn't want to be there since my sister put my ex of 7 years in the bridal party (the groom didn't really know him at all and turns out he doesn't really like the groom). my dance partner asked my sister if she wanted to dance at least three times, she declined, and danced quite a few times with the maid of honor who doesn't swing dance, but can sure follow a lead and killed it! a few members of my family have told me that my dancing at the wedding was inappropriate and i should have toned it down. they have even gone so far as to tell me that i hired a professional dancer to be my date (he isn't... i met him jr year of college when we started dancing weekly together at a bar) so my question is, am i the asshole for dancing like i know how to dance or should i have dialed it back a but for the wedding? [/INST] yta. it’s one thing to dance well at a wedding, as your title says, but completely out of bounds to do arials, as seen in your comments, on a dance floor. that’s not welcoming dance behavior, it’s intimidating. you may know what you’re doing, but other people may be worried about being hit by a leg or a stray shoe. that’s for professional dance events, not a wedding unless you’re specifically asked to do so. have a little common sense. oh wait, no, you were showing off at a wedding and making it about your great dance skills. </s> |
AITA for refusing to pay for ranch at a pizza place, and going across the street to buy a bottle from CVS? | so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing
we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5.
some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table.
remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least.
so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead? | 10,549 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qw1ulf/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_ranch_at_a_pizza/ | 2021-11-17 15:34:25 | yta for eating pizza with ranch dressing. but seriously, you shouldnt bring in outside food or condiments to a restaraunt. | nta . as a refugee of the service industry, i would normally say you're the asshole for bringing in your own ranch instead of paying for it, but in this case you were justified.
the restaurant should have been happy substituted condiments of equal value, that's just good service. and that owner made that rude, condescending comment calling you boys? fuck that guy. i wouldn't be going back to eat at that place anyway. | [deleted] | yta. you don't bring outside food into a restaurant because you don't feel like paying for the upgrade. you were cheap and the restaurant doesn't owe you a different dipping sauce. | none of you like garlic sauce?!
and all prefer ranch dressing, on pizza?! | nta. you weren't asking for extra, just a substitution. once the owner made his snide comment, imo all bets were off and he had it coming. | yta. is this your first time getting food at a restaurant? of course they're going to charge you more than what you can get at the store. | nta, idk why everyone is acting all uptight in the comments. everyone complains about paying extra for condiments, even at mcdonald’s. so screw capitalism & do you buddy. | lemme guess..... casa? that place still there? | yta
on two counts
1. bringing outside stuff in to a restaurant
2. putting ranch on a pizza, you monster | YTA | NTA | null | YTA | null | NTA | YTA | NTA | null | YTA | 0.727158 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5. some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table. remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least. so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, last night me and a few friends went to a pizza shop in downtown morgantown. we got a couple pizzas, some regular and some gourmet. we didn't know, but every pizza came with a cup of garlic sauce. well, none of us liked garlic sauce and we asked if we could get some ranch instead. they wanted a dollar per cup, and wouldn't swap the garlic sauce. keep in mind, these were large pizzas and very hungry college students and we would have needed about 10 of these little cups of ranch. they were these: https://www.kensfoodservice.com/products/buttermilk-ranch-dressing we weren't about to pay $10 for ranch dressing, and told the girl who brought out the pizza not to worry about the ranch. the restaurant owner overheard this and made a comment "shit isn't free boys" and that really pissed me off. there was a convenience store across the street, and i decided to get us some ranch. i got up and walked across the street and bought a big bottle of ranch, enough for 5 more pizza outings for $5. some of my friends said i shouldn't have done that, and the store owner gave me a dirty look. i was told i was "petty" and "tight". i told them i was going to enjoy my cheap ranch and if it was that big of a personal conviction, keep their hands off it. that personal conviction lasted 30 seconds, and pretty soon that bottle was being passed around the table. remember, they gave out the garlic sauce and refused to substitute ranch. it was frustrating and strange to say the least. so aita for refusing to pay $10 for ranch and going to buy my own bottle instead? [/INST] yta for eating pizza with ranch dressing. but seriously, you shouldnt bring in outside food or condiments to a restaraunt. </s> |
AITA for uninviting my recently widowed brother to a family event? | my f29 brother's wife passed away recently from cancer about 8 weeks ago. he isolated himself from everyone for 2 weeks. mom and dad were so worried about him and so they started inviting him to family events at their house. he agrees to come but then at some point, someone mentions his wife even just her name and he begins to sob. i'm not exaggerating... as a result, dinner get awkward, and whatever event is being hosted gets interrupted.
this happened 3 times already. last weekend was my turn to host dinner. ngl my husband and i were worried same thing will happen again. my husband said it'd be almost impossible that no one will mention my brother's wife at some point. so he suggested i let my brother sit this one out. in other words, just let him stay home and get the space he needs. i considered the idea then called my brother and apologized to him for cancelling his invite. he wasn't happy about it which was surprising to me because i thought he was basically forced to attend those events. my parents found out and went off on me calling my behavior disgraceful and saying that i was unsupportive and unfeeling to what my brother's going through to exclude him like that. i explained why i thought this was the best option but they claimed that i took away the comfort and support that my brother gets from the people around him. they said that i was selfish and have no regard for my brother's loss but i 100% do. my husband said that my parents obviously don't care about guests being uncomfortable watching my brother sob at every event and causing it to be cut short like that.
they're still pretty much mad at me and demanding i apologize to my brother because i hurt his feelings. | 9,498 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xvhtn3/aita_for_uninviting_my_recently_widowed_brother/ | 2022-10-04 15:19:00 | yta it's been 8 weeks. you and your husband are callous, selfish assholes.
>my husband said that my parents obviously don't care about guests being uncomfortable watching my brother sob at every event and causing it to be cut short like that.
his wife died. wtf is wrong with you two? | yta - sorry your wife died but your sadness kinda bums everyone out so you just need to be alone. | because heaven forbid you bear with a little awkwardness to come together and support and comfort your grieving brother, right? sorry that his grief is such an inconvenience to you.
the man lost her *only* 8 weeks ago. of *course* he's still struggling, especially since y'all can't help but bring up his wife in conversation, apparently.
i'm autistic. i have a really hard time figuring out what to do/say when someone is upset. do i care about people though? absolutely. but i'm eternally awkward. and i don't really like being touched, and i don't like getting wet. well, my friend's dad has days left to live, and my friend is falling to pieces. what did i do? hugged her tight anyway for at least three minutes while she broke down and cried on my shoulder. because that's what you do when you **love** someone. you get prepared to be uncomfortable once in a while.
you don't get to determine how someone gets "the space they need" and there's a big difference between giving someone the freedom to show up or not, and *literally dis-inviting them from a family gathering.*
you sent a clear and concise message:
**'you're not welcome'.**
yta
** | holy shit, you and your husband are not just assholes, but whatever comes after that. yta. his grief is going to be uncomfortable for people because its raw and real. he needs people to be able to sit with his discomfort to be supportive. its been weeks, not years. you are so unsupportive and dismissive. | yta. "aita because i excluded my grieving brother from his only source of comfort because he cries like a baby when someone mentions his dead wife who passed a few weeks ago? i mean it's so awkward for us." fixed it for you. | yta.
such a shame that your brother didn't get over the loss of his wife in a timeframe that makes you comfortable!
uninviting your brother to a family dinner was rude and uncaring! | yta. his wife just died and you uninvited him to family dinners because he makes you feel uncomfortable at a time when needs family support. you basically said “bro, you arent invited because your dead wife situation bums me out.” maybe ya’ll can just not bring up her name unless he does, it’s really not that hard. sweet jesus. | "someone mentions his wife even just her name and he begins to sob. i'm not exaggerating..."
where you expecting us to go omg so weird? dude it's normal, i tear up sometimes when i talk about my deceased grandmother and its been 24 years since it happened. its been 8 weeks for him, of course he's still grieving.
yta and a very insensible and cruel person. | oh no, i’m so sorry that your sister in laws recent death and your brothers grief is awkward for you all, how terrible that must be for you.
yta. the man just lost his wife, deal with the bloody awkwardness and be there for your brother! also, i’m certain you can go an evening and not mention his wife, how is it ‘impossible’? | yta it's weird you act like bringing up your brother's dead wife is inevitable? do you have no filter? | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my f29 brother's wife passed away recently from cancer about 8 weeks ago. he isolated himself from everyone for 2 weeks. mom and dad were so worried about him and so they started inviting him to family events at their house. he agrees to come but then at some point, someone mentions his wife even just her name and he begins to sob. i'm not exaggerating... as a result, dinner get awkward, and whatever event is being hosted gets interrupted. this happened 3 times already. last weekend was my turn to host dinner. ngl my husband and i were worried same thing will happen again. my husband said it'd be almost impossible that no one will mention my brother's wife at some point. so he suggested i let my brother sit this one out. in other words, just let him stay home and get the space he needs. i considered the idea then called my brother and apologized to him for cancelling his invite. he wasn't happy about it which was surprising to me because i thought he was basically forced to attend those events. my parents found out and went off on me calling my behavior disgraceful and saying that i was unsupportive and unfeeling to what my brother's going through to exclude him like that. i explained why i thought this was the best option but they claimed that i took away the comfort and support that my brother gets from the people around him. they said that i was selfish and have no regard for my brother's loss but i 100% do. my husband said that my parents obviously don't care about guests being uncomfortable watching my brother sob at every event and causing it to be cut short like that. they're still pretty much mad at me and demanding i apologize to my brother because i hurt his feelings. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my f29 brother's wife passed away recently from cancer about 8 weeks ago. he isolated himself from everyone for 2 weeks. mom and dad were so worried about him and so they started inviting him to family events at their house. he agrees to come but then at some point, someone mentions his wife even just her name and he begins to sob. i'm not exaggerating... as a result, dinner get awkward, and whatever event is being hosted gets interrupted. this happened 3 times already. last weekend was my turn to host dinner. ngl my husband and i were worried same thing will happen again. my husband said it'd be almost impossible that no one will mention my brother's wife at some point. so he suggested i let my brother sit this one out. in other words, just let him stay home and get the space he needs. i considered the idea then called my brother and apologized to him for cancelling his invite. he wasn't happy about it which was surprising to me because i thought he was basically forced to attend those events. my parents found out and went off on me calling my behavior disgraceful and saying that i was unsupportive and unfeeling to what my brother's going through to exclude him like that. i explained why i thought this was the best option but they claimed that i took away the comfort and support that my brother gets from the people around him. they said that i was selfish and have no regard for my brother's loss but i 100% do. my husband said that my parents obviously don't care about guests being uncomfortable watching my brother sob at every event and causing it to be cut short like that. they're still pretty much mad at me and demanding i apologize to my brother because i hurt his feelings. [/INST] yta it's been 8 weeks. you and your husband are callous, selfish assholes. >my husband said that my parents obviously don't care about guests being uncomfortable watching my brother sob at every event and causing it to be cut short like that. his wife died. wtf is wrong with you two? </s> |
AITA for getting mad at my mum for making my girlfriend sleep on the floor? | throwaway.
my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her.
she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour.
rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her.
chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night.
it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me)
rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose.
my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch.
she apparently assumed wrong.
my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth.
rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch.
at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.”
i did the exact opposite.
i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita? | 23,845 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubkw4s/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_mum_for_making_my/ | 2022-04-25 13:14:23 | nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother. | pregnant or not- who makes a guest sleep on floor to "not ruin the couch"?
nta | nta, and thank you for standing by your partner! and your mom is a total ah here...who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor when there's other options?? your mom definitely has some sort of grudge that she needs to get over, and quickly. | nta. who makes a pregnant woman sleep on the floor? for that matter, who makes a *guest* sleep on the floor!? if the couch gets dirty, just flip the cushions and move on with your life.
thank your brother for being the adult in the room, and tell your mom that she's jeapordizing her relationship with you by treating your girlfriend so poorly. | >“it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,”
i honestly have no idea if this is medically accurate or not because it has genuinely never occurred to me that someone would even consider doing it
nta | nta
setting aside the discussion about pregnant women sleeping on the floor and whether the mother should have offered a bed
your mother was checking on her to make sure she didn't dare "ruin the couch"?! stand up against that now because that treatment is not acceptable whether she's pregnant or not | nta.
listen closely. your mom is feeling threatened because there is another woman about to become a mom in the family. this feels like her role is being taken away and will lead to worse behavior. you have to have a zero tolerance policy for this.
sit your mom down and tell her that she will always be your mom. also tell her that if she continues to treat your girlfriend this way, it will damage her relationship with you, so she needs to knock it off.
good luck, o.p. and be firm in your boundaries. | nta you have to be a massive, massive ah to make a pregnant woman sleep on the floor. wooooow. | can anyone explain to me why this happens so frequently? like, why do moms of sons act all territorial and behave as if they want to have their son's baby? it's so fucking creepy but it's so fucking common... moms of sons, any thoughts? | nta. sleeping on the floor didn’t harm the baby, but it sure as shit probably harmed rose. your mom sounds…mean… | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. my girlfriend, “rose,” and i have been together for 4 years and she is 5 months pregnant with our first child. my mum seemed to really like rose (or at the very least tolerated her) - but after we announced that we were expecting, something definitely switched in her. she has become extremely rude and disrespectful towards my girlfriend. she makes passive-aggressive comments at every chance she gets. i’ve had to take a step back from my mother until she fixes her behaviour. rose had gone to visit her family who lives far out of town. it was a very last-minute trip, and she drove herself to the destination and back. unfortunately, at around 6pm, her car broke down and she was forced to pull over. fortunately, my brother, “chris,” who’s great with cars and lives about an hour and ½ from where rose was stranded, was willing to pick her up and sorted everything out. i was out of the country, so i’m grateful that my brother sorted everything out for her. chris moved back in with my mum about a year ago. obviously, the situation wasn’t the best, especially considering the tension between rose and my mom that exists for no particular reason, but i hoped my mum could put her pettiness aside for at least a night. it was too late for chris to drive rose back home, so my brother told her that he would drive her back tomorrow morning. an arrangement that my mum seems to not like, but one that she managed to keep her mouth shut about (my girlfriend tells me) rose helps prepare dinner, wash up, and actually engage in a decent conversation with my mum for the first time in ages. however, they mostly avoid each other. chris goes to bed earlier, leaving my mum and rose. my mum lives in a two-bedroom apartment and since both bedrooms were taken. rose assumed that she would be sleeping on the couch. she apparently assumed wrong. my mum gives rose the thinnest blanket ever and basically screams at her, telling her that she has to sleep on the floor to not “ruin her couch.” she tells rose to “make do,” with the pillows on the couch and the blanket that provides zero warmth. rose thought about protesting, but ultimately decided against it. according to rose, my mum kept opening her door to check if she was sleeping on the couch, so she couldn’t even try to sleep on the couch. at 5am, chris found rose on the couch and let her sleep on his bed. he ended up telling me, but told me to not make a “big fuss out of it.” i did the exact opposite. i called my mum, very angry, and told her that she was disrespecting her so badly. she tried to defend herself by saying, “that she didn’t harm the baby,” and “it’s okay for pregnant women to sleep on the floor,” but i refused to hear any of it. chris agrees with me, but told me that i shouldn’t make it a fight. i feel like i’m losing my mind. aita? [/INST] nta but i would put boundaries on the mother seeing the baby. she shouldn’t see the kid unless she can respect the mother. </s> |
AITA for letting my wife spend the night in jail? | this happened a few weeks ago but my wife is still very upset. we attended a family wedding and my shit stirring brother told us that my parents changed the will and were only leaving us ten dollars (lawyer said if they left nothing it would be easier to challenge) my wife was extremely upset. obviously we aren't entitled to their money, but it's hurtful when they show such blatant favoritism.
i confronted my dad, and his response was pretty much your mom made me do it and she's crazy. my dad pretty much doesn't give a shit about anything, he's much older than my mom and ready for the drama to end, and my mom is kind of crazy. my mom yelled at us and said we knew she hated my wife and we should understand that actions have consequences.
again i know they don't owe me the money, but it hurts how they treat me versus how they treat my brother, and i'm not even going to get started on my kids versus my niece, the golden child. my mom said she would change the will back to 50/50 if i divorced my wife. my wife began screaming at my mom that she is an evil bitch (not wrong) but my wife would not let it go. my parents tried to get away from her and she chased their car. i kept yelling at her to stop, because our kids were there and she was scaring them. she ended up jumping into the back of the convertible and my mom got her arrested.
i took the kids home and by the time she called they were comfortable in bed, and i was pretty pissed off that she acted like that. i told her that i wasn't going to wake the kids and we ended up getting her in the morning. she is still extremely upset. | 3,044 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iz5x4q/aita_for_letting_my_wife_spend_the_night_in_jail/ | 2020-09-24 21:10:13 | esh
like, literally every adult in this fucked up story is awful, and needs copious amounts of therapy. | esh. i strongly suspect stuff was left out of the description.
i feel bad for your kids.
maybe don’t go to family events if your wife can’t control herself maybe do more to show your wife you have her back. | you dad isn't the only one married to a crazy woman. nta | my, aren’t you all a lovely family?
esh, every single one of you, except the kids
i would say you are a troll, but, sadly what you told in the post could be real as well | esh. i feel awful for the bride and groom of this wedding. how are they doing?? | esh. why did your brother bring it up? why did you confront your dad? why is your wife going nuts over this in front of your children?
but at the same time... were you suppose to call your parents to come watch your children in the middle of the night while you picked up your wife from jail? | info: what are your mother's reasons for disliking your wife? | nta - one of the consequences of arrest-worthy behavior is that you might have to spend a night in jail, and frankly, she needed to learn that consequences exist for behavior like that. ye gods, tell her she needs to get anger management therapy pronto - chasing people in their car and jumping into the back of it?! that's soap opera worthy, and i shudder to imagine the impact behavior like that has on your kids and you! | bro why do you spend time with your family? your mom hates your wife and your dad obviously doesn’t care about you. he uses his wife as an excuse but he didn’t lift a finger to help you. yta for not fully taking your wife’s side. i hope you cut your family off: | esh
your parents for showing favoritism even towards the children.
your wife for doing something extremely dangerous and off the walls.
you for only reacting the way you did. she needs way more than just being left in jail for a night. she is not a safe person to be around and i worry for your kids safety if all it takes for her to jump someone is to get her mad. she literally attacked you parents in front of your kids and you haven't done anything else? i'd leave the chick, personally.
the only people who did right in this scenario is your children who sadly have to witness that shitshow | ESH | ESH | NTA | ESH | ESH | ESH | INFO | NTA | YTA | ESH | 0.4098 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a few weeks ago but my wife is still very upset. we attended a family wedding and my shit stirring brother told us that my parents changed the will and were only leaving us ten dollars (lawyer said if they left nothing it would be easier to challenge) my wife was extremely upset. obviously we aren't entitled to their money, but it's hurtful when they show such blatant favoritism. i confronted my dad, and his response was pretty much your mom made me do it and she's crazy. my dad pretty much doesn't give a shit about anything, he's much older than my mom and ready for the drama to end, and my mom is kind of crazy. my mom yelled at us and said we knew she hated my wife and we should understand that actions have consequences. again i know they don't owe me the money, but it hurts how they treat me versus how they treat my brother, and i'm not even going to get started on my kids versus my niece, the golden child. my mom said she would change the will back to 50/50 if i divorced my wife. my wife began screaming at my mom that she is an evil bitch (not wrong) but my wife would not let it go. my parents tried to get away from her and she chased their car. i kept yelling at her to stop, because our kids were there and she was scaring them. she ended up jumping into the back of the convertible and my mom got her arrested. i took the kids home and by the time she called they were comfortable in bed, and i was pretty pissed off that she acted like that. i told her that i wasn't going to wake the kids and we ended up getting her in the morning. she is still extremely upset. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a few weeks ago but my wife is still very upset. we attended a family wedding and my shit stirring brother told us that my parents changed the will and were only leaving us ten dollars (lawyer said if they left nothing it would be easier to challenge) my wife was extremely upset. obviously we aren't entitled to their money, but it's hurtful when they show such blatant favoritism. i confronted my dad, and his response was pretty much your mom made me do it and she's crazy. my dad pretty much doesn't give a shit about anything, he's much older than my mom and ready for the drama to end, and my mom is kind of crazy. my mom yelled at us and said we knew she hated my wife and we should understand that actions have consequences. again i know they don't owe me the money, but it hurts how they treat me versus how they treat my brother, and i'm not even going to get started on my kids versus my niece, the golden child. my mom said she would change the will back to 50/50 if i divorced my wife. my wife began screaming at my mom that she is an evil bitch (not wrong) but my wife would not let it go. my parents tried to get away from her and she chased their car. i kept yelling at her to stop, because our kids were there and she was scaring them. she ended up jumping into the back of the convertible and my mom got her arrested. i took the kids home and by the time she called they were comfortable in bed, and i was pretty pissed off that she acted like that. i told her that i wasn't going to wake the kids and we ended up getting her in the morning. she is still extremely upset. [/INST] esh like, literally every adult in this fucked up story is awful, and needs copious amounts of therapy. </s> |
AITA for freezing my boyfriend's card? | my boyfriend grew up in a poor family. he makes decent money nowadays, but he is the only one with stable income in his family.
his sister (23) is a leech but he has a blind spot for her. she is irresponsible, totally anti-work (“why waste time working when you have to live your life”) and she despises me for kicking her out a year ago. during covid i let her move into my apartment and while my boyfriend and i went camping for a weekend she threw a huge party and trashed my place. of course my boyfriend took her side but he didn’t have any say in it - it was my apartment. nowadays she is straight up rude to me, she’s always saying “can’t wait till he breaks up with you”, she puts his whole family against me. apparently my boyfriend still funds everything in her life. she just has his card info and uses it without the limits.
so i got pregnant and money got tight, i can’t work as much anymore due to my health so i started counting money and it turned out i covered 70% of expenses of our joint life. i had a talk with my boyfriend and we agreed we will go more 50/50. turns out to meet the 50% he has to take overtime, he basically lives at work now. i had to renovate my spare room into a nursery on my own, but my boyfriend gave me his bank info so we can share the expense. i couldn’t buy a thing with his card. logged in into his account and it turns out his little sister spent over 3k on her stuff during one week! talked about it with my boyfriend, he got annoyed with his sister but told me to hold on a few days till his next paycheck comes (i basically had to pay for everything for that time again). so the day of his paycheck came and since day one i could see money spent by his sister. i got annoyed and froze his card only to unfreeze it when i needed to pay for some baby things.
my boyfriend didn’t even notice it for a few days till his sister called crying.” she is broke, she can’t afford food, she’s hungry etc.” he told her to just use his card and she said it doesn’t work. he checked his account and saw i froze it. he made a massive argument about it and i told him if i didn’t do it he would run out of money again. i also told him he works all the time so i didn’t have a chance to have a conversation about it and instead of sponsoring the life of a brat he should think about his own kid. i told him i don’t want a husband who leaves me to do everything on my own without any help because he has to work for someone who never worked a day in her life. he told me then he would never be a husband of someone as selfish as i am. i told him if he wants to see my selfish side then i want him to give me back all the money i spent on him, even though he earns more than me, because i would like to go on a shopping spree like his sister does all the time. he called me pathetic and hasn’t spoken to me since. i don’t think i am in the wrong but i might be blindsided, so i would like to hear the opinion of the strangers. aita? | 11,576 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wxgrim/aita_for_freezing_my_boyfriends_card/ | 2022-08-25 15:10:35 | esh. get away from this person and claim child support. why would you procreate with a man like this?
&#x200b;
edit, thanks for the awards, kind humans. | esh it's not that you're wrong for protecting your or your boyfriend's financial interests but you can't go around freezing his card without telling him first. that is a huge overreach.
op you need to just leave him. change the locks and kick him out. drag him through the coals for child support. things will not get better if he can't see your side of things right now. | nta and girl run and sue him for child support. you'll never be happy in this relationship because he already has his number one lady and that is his sister. he has already shown this to you by standing with his sister when she trashed your place when she spent all his money and yours in order to fund his sister. you need to put yourself and your baby first. | esh.
why would you bring a child into this life, with this kind of man? i'm really not sure who the bigger asshole is.
his sister - for being a leech.
him - for supporting her, at the expense of your relationship.
or you - who clearly saw the man he was, and still decided to have a child with him.
because this doesn't get said enough: expecting someone to change because you are having a child is crazy. sure, some will change. but most people don't. | esh. how sad for your boyfriend that all of the women in his life are this controlling. yes, it sucks that his sister takes advantage the way that she does. but it also sucks to freeze his card behind his back without having a conversation about your concerns. | you're nta for getting fed up with not being listened to. you talked to him about his sister's parasitic habits before, right? you've tried to make him see sense? if the guy is determined to turn a blind eye to this blatant encroachment on his time and money, fine. stupid of him, sure, but we're all entitled to our own foolishness. however, if you're sharing finances - and it sounds like you are - you also have a right to those funds, and no obligation to treat them with his 'laissez-faire' attitude.
you're nta for not wanting to support a spoiled brat. she's a 23-year-old woman, well past the age of maturity, and (presumably) physically capable. by her age i was already brutalizing myself to graduate from college. you are not her parent. you are not her legal guardian. she has no right to insist you suffer/deprive yourself in order to fund her delusions. “*why waste time working when you have to live your life*”? - mithras christ.
you're nta for taking drastic action to protect yourself and your assets. in your place, i would've at least given the bf a heads-up, but hey; to each their own. it's understandable you'd want to avoid stress and conflict right now - two things that conversation would be guaranteed to lead to - given your, um... *delicate* current state.
why, though? why on earth...
what could have ***ever*** possessed you to think procreating with this man was possibly a good idea???? were you that blind? did you just not see the signs? do you live somewhere reproductive health care is excessively expensive?
i understand wanting a baby, being glad to find out you're pregnant, etc. i can't imagine feeling that way \*myself\*, but i know some people do. part of being a good parent, though, is - or should be - a desire for your child to have the best start in life available. that means picking a good partner right off the bat, and bf does not qualify.
he doesn't care about the baby on the way. he will never put you first. he has no spine with family members, which means you're on your own in any future conflicts. you should have broken up with him back when he tried to stop your evicting his sister. after what she did, any sane person would agree you had no choice; he should have thrown her out ***himself***, not argued in her defense. the fact that he didn't says a lot. none of it is good.
don't compound that mistake. *definitely* don't get married. if you're determined to keep this child, fine, but dump him and get a lawyer. | esh.
yall aren't married, and its his card and his money, so you don't really have to right to freeze his account.
but honestly you probably should've left that situation way before getting pregnant. blindly funding his sisters life style when he can't always afford it seems like a solid deal breaker to me. i still say get out if/when you can. | what a mess to bring a child into... | holy moly what a mess. if you are wise, you will take off those rose-colored glasses and start thinking about your future and what you have to do to get ready for the baby. freezing the account isn't going to make him stop funding his sister- you know that. you know that there's been resentment brewing for quite some time now (over kicking her out). he will use the argument of "it's his money" so he can do as he pleases (just like you were able to kick her out because it was your apartment).
now is the time to get your head on straight and get yourself ready for a baby. you know how he is and how the situation will go. you are picking a battle with him that you just lost. apparently, to him it doesn't matter that there is a kid on the way. he is still choosing to pay everything for his sister and made sure to draw the lines in the sand during this argument. the question now is- are you ready to see him for who he truly is and accept that his sister holds more value in his life than you do? are you ready to make a choice on focusing things you can control over what you can't? they made child support a thing years ago. go that route and you & kiddo will be alright. it's way better than having to grow up with parents & family who don't get along and fight all the time. | nta. but i would get rid of him and sue for child support.. that way it comes out of his check before he ever sees his check.
and maybe his sister will learn she'll have to actually get a job | ESH | ESH | NTA | ESH | ESH | NTA | ESH | null | null | NTA | 0.638248 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend grew up in a poor family. he makes decent money nowadays, but he is the only one with stable income in his family. his sister (23) is a leech but he has a blind spot for her. she is irresponsible, totally anti-work (“why waste time working when you have to live your life”) and she despises me for kicking her out a year ago. during covid i let her move into my apartment and while my boyfriend and i went camping for a weekend she threw a huge party and trashed my place. of course my boyfriend took her side but he didn’t have any say in it - it was my apartment. nowadays she is straight up rude to me, she’s always saying “can’t wait till he breaks up with you”, she puts his whole family against me. apparently my boyfriend still funds everything in her life. she just has his card info and uses it without the limits. so i got pregnant and money got tight, i can’t work as much anymore due to my health so i started counting money and it turned out i covered 70% of expenses of our joint life. i had a talk with my boyfriend and we agreed we will go more 50/50. turns out to meet the 50% he has to take overtime, he basically lives at work now. i had to renovate my spare room into a nursery on my own, but my boyfriend gave me his bank info so we can share the expense. i couldn’t buy a thing with his card. logged in into his account and it turns out his little sister spent over 3k on her stuff during one week! talked about it with my boyfriend, he got annoyed with his sister but told me to hold on a few days till his next paycheck comes (i basically had to pay for everything for that time again). so the day of his paycheck came and since day one i could see money spent by his sister. i got annoyed and froze his card only to unfreeze it when i needed to pay for some baby things. my boyfriend didn’t even notice it for a few days till his sister called crying.” she is broke, she can’t afford food, she’s hungry etc.” he told her to just use his card and she said it doesn’t work. he checked his account and saw i froze it. he made a massive argument about it and i told him if i didn’t do it he would run out of money again. i also told him he works all the time so i didn’t have a chance to have a conversation about it and instead of sponsoring the life of a brat he should think about his own kid. i told him i don’t want a husband who leaves me to do everything on my own without any help because he has to work for someone who never worked a day in her life. he told me then he would never be a husband of someone as selfish as i am. i told him if he wants to see my selfish side then i want him to give me back all the money i spent on him, even though he earns more than me, because i would like to go on a shopping spree like his sister does all the time. he called me pathetic and hasn’t spoken to me since. i don’t think i am in the wrong but i might be blindsided, so i would like to hear the opinion of the strangers. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend grew up in a poor family. he makes decent money nowadays, but he is the only one with stable income in his family. his sister (23) is a leech but he has a blind spot for her. she is irresponsible, totally anti-work (“why waste time working when you have to live your life”) and she despises me for kicking her out a year ago. during covid i let her move into my apartment and while my boyfriend and i went camping for a weekend she threw a huge party and trashed my place. of course my boyfriend took her side but he didn’t have any say in it - it was my apartment. nowadays she is straight up rude to me, she’s always saying “can’t wait till he breaks up with you”, she puts his whole family against me. apparently my boyfriend still funds everything in her life. she just has his card info and uses it without the limits. so i got pregnant and money got tight, i can’t work as much anymore due to my health so i started counting money and it turned out i covered 70% of expenses of our joint life. i had a talk with my boyfriend and we agreed we will go more 50/50. turns out to meet the 50% he has to take overtime, he basically lives at work now. i had to renovate my spare room into a nursery on my own, but my boyfriend gave me his bank info so we can share the expense. i couldn’t buy a thing with his card. logged in into his account and it turns out his little sister spent over 3k on her stuff during one week! talked about it with my boyfriend, he got annoyed with his sister but told me to hold on a few days till his next paycheck comes (i basically had to pay for everything for that time again). so the day of his paycheck came and since day one i could see money spent by his sister. i got annoyed and froze his card only to unfreeze it when i needed to pay for some baby things. my boyfriend didn’t even notice it for a few days till his sister called crying.” she is broke, she can’t afford food, she’s hungry etc.” he told her to just use his card and she said it doesn’t work. he checked his account and saw i froze it. he made a massive argument about it and i told him if i didn’t do it he would run out of money again. i also told him he works all the time so i didn’t have a chance to have a conversation about it and instead of sponsoring the life of a brat he should think about his own kid. i told him i don’t want a husband who leaves me to do everything on my own without any help because he has to work for someone who never worked a day in her life. he told me then he would never be a husband of someone as selfish as i am. i told him if he wants to see my selfish side then i want him to give me back all the money i spent on him, even though he earns more than me, because i would like to go on a shopping spree like his sister does all the time. he called me pathetic and hasn’t spoken to me since. i don’t think i am in the wrong but i might be blindsided, so i would like to hear the opinion of the strangers. aita? [/INST] esh. get away from this person and claim child support. why would you procreate with a man like this? &#x200b; edit, thanks for the awards, kind humans. </s> |
AITA for not telling my cousin my fiance works at the same office as her husband? | first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here.
i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk.
i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet)
kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left.
literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita? | 26,800 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6t4aq/aita_for_not_telling_my_cousin_my_fiance_works_at/ | 2022-06-07 11:38:17 | nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait. | nta
kat is embarrassed and also annoyed she can’t brag and one up you so she’s telling you off as a way to clambour back power over you. stand your ground and don’t apologise. you can say “i understand you’re embarrassed but i didn’t do anything wrong. if you didn’t talk down to people this would never be an issue”. ignore all the whinging and people she enlists to complain on her behalf. they are all wrong. | nta
had you said something at the moment then she would have looked bad in front of everyone.
you kept to yourself.
however, i do think your fiancé shouldn't have said that in the office if you didn't bother saying it before. at the office he's his boss and he won't say anything back. at the party you were all equal. so either say something there or don't so something later at the office. | nta.
>henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments.
she could have just not made the comments at all and been a decent person regardless of the work relationship. maybe she should take that as a lesson about what she says. | nta.
man, you need to go full nice-b here.
*kat, honey, chris is a private kind of guy, he doesn't like a big fuss. and besides, you were being **so lovely** in offering to help with the wedding, and you're so happy about being able to! i wasn't about to rain on your parade! you be proud of your man, babe! he's done so well! and you're so cute when you're bragging about him! don't you dare be embarrassed because you wanted to do something nice for someone you love!*
now you know and she knows that it was all about tearing you down... but if you pretend you thought she was all cupcakes and sugar, she's left without a leg to stand on. 🤷♂️ | nta. k and h did a perfectly good job of looking bad all by themselves without any help | nta if she feels the comments magically became inappropriate because they were directed to her husband's boss then they were inappropriate to begin with. she needs to stand by her shit or stop doing it. | [removed] | nta. you handled it privately instead of in public. you're a much better person than most of the people on here. | kat and chris are tas
it sounded like kat was the one bragging about the salary, not henry. chris could have mentioned at the family party that he worked at the same place as henry, but he didnt. and again, it was kat who made the catty comment to op about helping to pay for the wedding.
where chris elevates to ah level is shaming henry in the workplace, using his position of authority. henry was never the one boasting or acting the jerk, so it seems unfair for chris to take it out on him. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | null | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first/only post, i mainly lurk. i thought stuff like this only happened in movies, but it happened and would like some unbiased opinions. more light-hearted than some of the other posts on here. i have a cousin 'kat', who got married to 'henry' early this year. we weren't close as kids - she was pretty spoilt and would always brag about how much designer stuff she has, be really mean to people under the guise of "just trying to help", etc. don't go out of our way to interact with one another but i do see her at family events and whatnot and we make small talk. i'm engaged to 'chris', who is a software engineer. he's co-head of his department at work with two other people - not too long ago, chris was telling me about how they had some new employees and one of them sounded really familiar, he told me the name and i realized it was kat's husband. (also he and henry hadn't met face-to-face yet) kat and henry had a huge wedding, it was really nice but all she did for months is brag about how amazing her wedding was. the wedding stuff's died down now so recently she's started going on about how wealthy her husband is and what a great lifestyle they have. one of my other aunts celebrated her 50th about a week ago, i went with chris and kat was there with henry. we were chatting and kat was saying how henry has a fantastic new job that pays even more than his previous one. henry chimed in and said that they were already planning to buy a new house. kat asked what chris does. i said he was an engineer like henry and he has a good job too, but i'll admit i left out where he works on purpose. she smiled and nodded, then said it's fine, she understands that i'm embarrassed and want to keep it quiet. so that was pretty much the end of our conversation then - when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me to "let her and henry know if we needed help with the wedding". obviously i knew what she meant and it was just another dig, but i said bye and left. literally two days later, i get a dm from kat and she's furious (well, as much as one can be through text) that i didn't tell them that chris was one of henry's bosses. henry was shocked to see him in the office and chris made a comment "tell kat -op- and me don't need help but thanks for offering". henry's really embarrassed and so's kat, and she said that we made them look bad on purpose and if she knew, she'd have never made those comments. it was my "duty" to tell her and henry. chris and i had a really good laugh over this, but she sent a text out to the family group chat we have saying how she was "blindsided" by me. a few others said that what we did was petty and wrong. so, aita? [/INST] nta and i love the way you handled it. it was better then the way i would have handled it which would have been to publicly and loudly ask her husband how he liked working for my husband. but i have a habit of making things worse. it’s not my best trait. </s> |
AITA for calling the cops when my bf's sister left her children with me for a few days which ended with her getting a felony charge? | i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago.
me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex.
claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex.
my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm.
i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone.
i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely.
i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her.
the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell ( | 25,905 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijffjm/aita_for_calling_the_cops_when_my_bfs_sister_left/ | 2020-08-30 16:24:25 | nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta | nta. out of the blue for 4 days? i would consider this close to child abandonment. | nta, that is horrifically irresponsible. she didn't let you know she was leaving the kid there for days? she didn't leave enough diapers or food? she didn't rush back when you asked her too?
all wrong. | nta. there's a big difference between watching a baby for a few hours while she's running errands and watching a baby for four-five days. she can't do that to you. plus it's certainly not your fault that she was caught with drugs. | nta
she ruined her life herself. you were only acting in the best interests of the child during an emergency.
of course you call the cops under these circumstances! no food, few diapers, no where for a child to sleep or play...it is not your responsibility to provide any of this after the sil has abandoned her child. even if you could take care of a baby, you had no idea how long sil would be gone or where exactly she was.
don't harbor any guilt over this. you did the right thing (though i think pot should be legal so people like your sil don't "lose everything".) | nta- you don’t know how to take care of a baby. even if it really was for a few hours she put her kid in danger and gave no fucks when you made it loud and clear that you could not take care of a baby period point blank. then on top of that she went out and got high and didn’t care one bit about her kid. you did the kid a favor. | nta.
she said she would be picking up the baby by the evening, then told *you* that it would be four days. i can imagine, she probably knew that you’re clueless with kids.
she also left the baby with nothing but diapers? or at least, not enough of anything to last more than a few hours, since you mentioned only diapers were left.
you were fearful for the child’s safety in your care, and did what you could to get claire home. it’s not your fault that she was off getting high.
this is negligent parenting.
if she wanted a few days off, she could have scheduled it with you and your bf so that he would be home, and you’d have real warning.
so, you’re nta. and she needs to learn how to take care of a kid and be a responsible parent. | nta
she abandoned her baby to go on a drug bender and there were consequences to her actions. | everything seems fine to me (since it seems so from your pov, too) until she just hung up and switched her phone off. you do not ever turn your phone off as a parent whos away from the kid. never. and you got the reason right the next moment when you didnt know how and what to feed. would have been a 5 mins call and a major favour from you to just give you a list in what you need and do. instead she just didnt give a fck until the cops did in her stead.
100% nta | nta. 4 days? there had to be more than just some weed smoking going on there. if you called the authorities for a few hours, or if there was other family nearby that could take the baby, then you'd be ta but 4 days is way too long. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell ( | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am pretty sure i am the ah and i did not think something this bad would happen. this happened about a year ago. me and my bf have been together for 5 years. his sister, claire, has a 1 year old baby, alex. claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run. i will be honest here. i have no clue how to take care of a baby. i play with the baby but other than that my bf usually takes care of alex. my bf work is onsite. so he usually isn't home for 4 days and then comes home for 3 days. one day, claire asked my bf if she can drop off alex for the day. bf was supposed to leave for work that evening. since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening, he didn't mention that. big mistake. he left around 5 pm. i was waiting for claire and kept calling her. she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place few hours away with her friends. she told me to tell bf to take care of alex for next 3-4 days. i told her that bf already left for work. then she just told me "then you take care of alex. i will back in 4 days." and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone. i freaked out hard. i cannot call bf because he is unreachable onsite. neither of us have family in the state that we could have called. i called few friends but no one gave me anything helpful. the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it. the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely. i literally didn't know how else to do. so, i called the police and told them what happened. they directed me to a social worker. while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby, the cops called the cops where she was to locate her. the cops found her high marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as possesion and intention to sell ( [/INST] nta - only a few diapers for 3-4 days? dropping off her baby without agreeing to a timeframe and then going to get high with friends?? i don’t think your bf’s sister is ready to be a mom. this is either a great wake up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere. your intention was to ensure the baby was safe, that automatically makes you nta </s> |
AITA for turning my wife's workout room into an office despite getting a "No" from her? |
throwaway and all that...
i genuinely don't know if i fucked up or not so we'll see.
so i m/32 struggled with lack of employment for several months, i finally got a job opportunity that requires me to work from hom and for that i needed a quiet space which is hard to find in a 3 room apartment with 2 kids.
my wife has a "workout" room with all of her ..working equipment!. i asked if she'd let me have it so i could turn it into an office for my work and she said "no" no discussions no compromises just "no" man.
i tried to reason with her and explained to her why an office is more needed than an exercise room but to no avail, no is still no.
i thought that she was being unsupportive and unappreciative of the fact that i'm trying to make us money to provide for the family. i waited for her to leave the apartment then had all her workout stuff out and turned the room into an office away from the noise and distraction. she came home and lost her shit on me for doing this and yelled that i was being inconsiderate of her struggles with keeping fit and healthy since she has a number of disorders that she only manages via working out but i took that away from her, i explained to her that i have a stronger cause because i need the room so i can work and again earn us money to keep a roof over our heads yet, she called me a manipulative, and abusive sob for going behind her back and kicking her out the room like this. she demanded i put everything back but i said no and even told her she was being a child throwing a temper tantrum over silly shit and not giving a shit about my work conditions when she should be accommodating me. she told me to fuck off since this is her apartment too and i had no right to steal her room.
she's sulking to the fullest degree now and is trying to get me to put everything back, aita? | 8,598 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s300b2/aita_for_turning_my_wifes_workout_room_into_an/ | 2022-01-13 13:56:51 | esh.
neither of you is willing to compromise.
you could have turned this room into an half and half, but neither of you considered that option.
you're both acting like children... | esh
i have 2 kids with disorders that can only be managed with a physical exercise regiment, it's called ehlers danlos syndrome. your wife's struggle is real. as real as your need for employment. that is zero reason for you two to not be willing to work together and compromise.
1. do you both need the entire room? i work from home and my desk is approximately 5x3. it's only that long because i actually have to use 2 computers.
2. can she not work out on equipment in there when you are not working?
3. can you not arrange furniture in the master bedroom or living room to accommodate a desk for you to work at?
you both are married with kids. at 32, you both should be adult enough to work together on this issue. quit with this "my need is more important than your need" bullshit. | hold up, so you have 2 kids, 3 bedrooms …. so the kids are currently sharing a room so that your wife can workout sometimes??
maybe the house would be quieter if you weren’t forcing two children into one room.
esh | info: unless she has an entire gym in the room which she uses 8 hours a day...is there a reason you can't share the room? | esh you both suck | esh
neither of you are acting like the grown ass adults with children that you are. communication and compromise would solve all these issues.
our house has similar size constraints to your apartment and our exercise bike is in the same room as my husband’s office. is it slightly inconvenient for me to not be able to work out while he’s working? sure. is it kind of annoying for him to have an exercise bike so close to his desk? absolutely. do we make it work because we’re adults who understand compromise is key in a partnership? you betcha we do! | esh you can’t share the room??? unless it’s a broom closet i don’t understand why you two didn’t just split the room down the middle… | esh. you guys sound like you have very poor communication skills and i don’t see a bright future for your marriage if you keep up like this. you’re both acting like children. grow up and get over yourselves. | i'm glad i read the comments.
nta
she doesn't work and depends on you to pay for the apartment. you *need* professional space. she *wants* private workout space. she can work out in other parts of the apartment. you cannot get professional space in the common areas of the apartment. you did what you had to do because she was utterly unreasonable. | question does your wife work? | ESH | ESH | ESH | INFO | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | NTA | null | 0.249279 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway and all that... i genuinely don't know if i fucked up or not so we'll see. so i m/32 struggled with lack of employment for several months, i finally got a job opportunity that requires me to work from hom and for that i needed a quiet space which is hard to find in a 3 room apartment with 2 kids. my wife has a "workout" room with all of her ..working equipment!. i asked if she'd let me have it so i could turn it into an office for my work and she said "no" no discussions no compromises just "no" man. i tried to reason with her and explained to her why an office is more needed than an exercise room but to no avail, no is still no. i thought that she was being unsupportive and unappreciative of the fact that i'm trying to make us money to provide for the family. i waited for her to leave the apartment then had all her workout stuff out and turned the room into an office away from the noise and distraction. she came home and lost her shit on me for doing this and yelled that i was being inconsiderate of her struggles with keeping fit and healthy since she has a number of disorders that she only manages via working out but i took that away from her, i explained to her that i have a stronger cause because i need the room so i can work and again earn us money to keep a roof over our heads yet, she called me a manipulative, and abusive sob for going behind her back and kicking her out the room like this. she demanded i put everything back but i said no and even told her she was being a child throwing a temper tantrum over silly shit and not giving a shit about my work conditions when she should be accommodating me. she told me to fuck off since this is her apartment too and i had no right to steal her room. she's sulking to the fullest degree now and is trying to get me to put everything back, aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway and all that... i genuinely don't know if i fucked up or not so we'll see. so i m/32 struggled with lack of employment for several months, i finally got a job opportunity that requires me to work from hom and for that i needed a quiet space which is hard to find in a 3 room apartment with 2 kids. my wife has a "workout" room with all of her ..working equipment!. i asked if she'd let me have it so i could turn it into an office for my work and she said "no" no discussions no compromises just "no" man. i tried to reason with her and explained to her why an office is more needed than an exercise room but to no avail, no is still no. i thought that she was being unsupportive and unappreciative of the fact that i'm trying to make us money to provide for the family. i waited for her to leave the apartment then had all her workout stuff out and turned the room into an office away from the noise and distraction. she came home and lost her shit on me for doing this and yelled that i was being inconsiderate of her struggles with keeping fit and healthy since she has a number of disorders that she only manages via working out but i took that away from her, i explained to her that i have a stronger cause because i need the room so i can work and again earn us money to keep a roof over our heads yet, she called me a manipulative, and abusive sob for going behind her back and kicking her out the room like this. she demanded i put everything back but i said no and even told her she was being a child throwing a temper tantrum over silly shit and not giving a shit about my work conditions when she should be accommodating me. she told me to fuck off since this is her apartment too and i had no right to steal her room. she's sulking to the fullest degree now and is trying to get me to put everything back, aita? [/INST] esh. neither of you is willing to compromise. you could have turned this room into an half and half, but neither of you considered that option. you're both acting like children... </s> |
AITA for breaking my promise to my stepkids, and "abandoning and traumatizing" them because I did not want to parent them anymore? | i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea.
soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me.
he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv.
he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them.
by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end.
cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them.
15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though. | 25,301 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p69l4d/aita_for_breaking_my_promise_to_my_stepkids_and/ | 2021-08-17 18:40:37 | nta. there is never a responsibility to never leave, that is ridiculous. sure, a 10-year-old may reasonably think so, but a 25-year-old should know better. | nta. your husband didn’t want a wife - he chose a younger woman and whisked her off her feet to be his live in maid, nanny and cook. he knew what he was doing when he asked you to make that promise to the kids, emotionally manipulating you into staying even though he treated you like crap.
it’s sad that the children lost their mother, but their father encouraging them to treat you like the evil stepmom was cruel to both you and them.
clearly the behaviour he showed continued after left, and he kept telling tamara and her brother how awful you were.
you got yourself out of there: well done for being strong and wise enough to do so. many people don’t have the strength to do that. | message her back and explain it was a toxic marriage, that their dad set you up to be the family punching bag and nanny. that he wasn’t looking for love or a partner but a door mat and he encouraged you kids to do the same. tell her their hangups are their own and then say that you are done with that chapter of your life and will never again allow their father to drag your life down. nta those kids have been fed lies and delusions about what that marriage was like | nta -
- good for you for leaving.
- good for you for not attempting to talk to him in advance
- good for you for not getting sucked in by more lies
- good for you for not letting yourself get strung along any longer
sorry the kids didn’t have anyone other than this dude, but blaming that on you is going way too far and i hope you just ignore that message and any others she sends. | this girl has spent well over a decade being told how you abandoned them and that all their problems are her fault...not their fathers. everything was your fault. all the bad women their father brought home after you is your fault cus you left. i guarantee their father has been driving this home for years and years.
so you can't really blame her for feeling the way she feels
she's been brainwashed her entire life.
and no amount of logic or maturity is going to convince her otherwise
best to just ignore her and let her go on believing what she believes because nothing is ever going to change her mind one way or the other
nta | nta and i would recommend you messaging her back and reminding her of herself and her family treatment of you. | nta i’ve seen this before, a lot of men aren’t looking for love but someone to cook, clean and watch the kids while they play cod and drink beer.
it’s not fair to the kids, but it’s not your responsibility to be a live in sex maid / babysitter either. | nta sounds like your ex has a major gaslighting problem. | nta
the dad blamed his shitty parenting on his job and had you do everything. with you leaving, it just further showed how incompetent will was. but instead of ever taking responsibility, will blamed it on you and now tamara blamed you too. it was never your fault, will tool advantage of you and is gaslighting his own children.
i'm glad you left, block tamara and keep doing what you got to do with your life | it was a bad situation all around. he was too rushed in marrying after his wife died (obviously wanted a mom formhismkids and a maid for himself). you were too young and inexperienced to realize what the rush was all about because it felt like true love to a young lady.
tamara was traumatized. she was a young child who,lost her mom and then her step mom just walked out. she could not have understood what was going on and why you had to leave it was just abandonment.
now, in our world of self care amd mental health discussions, tamara is dealing with her issues and the childhood experiences that shaped her. she needs to do this. she has said her peace. move on now. no judgement as for who is or is not an a,,,h,,,because this is too complicated to be reduced to that. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea. soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me. he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv. he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them. by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end. cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them. 15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i met "will" when i was 22. will was 29, with 2 kids, and had newly been widowed. we had whirlwind courtship where he introduced me to the kids and got me involved in their lives very early (first few days after i met him.) will said really quickly he was sure i was "the one," not only for himself but also for his kids. that we'd have an incredible, happy family life. we got married when i was 23, will was 30, and his kids were 8 and 6. our wedding ceremony also included me and the kids making promises to each other, which was will's idea. soon will shoved all the childcare onto me. i wasn't a stay at home spouse, i worked full time and always have. but he always had "reasons" for me to do the childcare - him being sore from doing a physical job, me being "better" at it since i babysat kids this age in the past and he never had. or "girl stuff" for his daughter. or cooking or anything. he always had some reason and it ended up always on me. he started playing video games and "relaxing" from getting home until bed, because he was "tired" and he was "bringing in the money and keeping the roof over everyone's heads," though that wasn't really true. he said he deserved to relax. then he went out with his friends or brought them back to drink beer and watch loud tv. he developed a major attitude with me, and encouraged same in the kids. they found it funny. he started openly disrespecting me and encouraged them to also. he was the ultimate "fun dad" and i got put in the role of the mean witch. sometimes they all ganged up on me and mocked me. but also all expected me to serve them and constantly be jumping up to care for them. by the end of the first year i realized the marriage was a big mistake, but felt guilty leaving because of my promises to the kids. another year went by and i realized that no matter how i tried, and how i knew they were only kids and i didn't really blame them, i genuinely hated both of the kids. and i could not lie to myself any more and pretend that i loved them. i did not, and i never would. one day i just walked out, packed up everything of mine and moved out while nobody was at home. i left a note explaining it wasn't working and saying goodbye. that was the end. cue shitstorm from my ex and a bitter divorce, but we both walked away with what we went into the marriage with (not much for either of us). i had never legally adopted the kids so i had no rights or responsibilies about them and i never reached out to any of them again. honestly i was overjoyed to be rid of all of them. 15 years have gone by and that seems like a lifetime ago, or another person's life, but i'm still in my 30's. i was recently shocked to get a message from tamara, will's daughter, now 25. tamara said i betrayed and traumatized her for life for "abandoning them" after my promises to them. she said i had a "responsibility to never leave no matter what." i know she remembers the horrible way she treated me though. [/INST] nta. there is never a responsibility to never leave, that is ridiculous. sure, a 10-year-old may reasonably think so, but a 25-year-old should know better. </s> |
AITA for not giving up my second "free" seat next to me in the plane? | i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight.
a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight.
so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me.
so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave? | 34,876 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uo6we1/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_second_free_seat_next/ | 2022-05-12 17:54:13 | nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together. | nta. if it happens again, *don't let them sit down.* block the extra seat and state immediately, "i paid for two seats. this one is not available." | nta. it doesn’t matter why you purchased that seat. you could have bought it for the spirits of your ancestors so they could guide you safely to your destination and it would have been no one’s business but yours. sorry this happened | nta! you bought that seat. the couple sitting apart has nothing to do with you. idgaf if you were thin and bought a 2nd seat for your emotional support ghost! that's your seat. | #[be civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/about/rules/). this lady calling op a bitch doesn't mean you get to call her one, or any other insult.
#also op didn't ask you about your opinion about their size, or for diet tips. not every thought that pops into your mind is worth posting.
please review our [faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. | nta. they tried to take something you paid for and then were rude to you. it's a bit shocking, really, considering the number of people who comment on social media that larger people should have to buy two seats. please don't feel bad about yourself because they chose to be horrid and entitled. | nta - it wasnt a free/available seat. you purchased it, you bought the seat so it is “occupied”. | nta: you paid for that seat, it’s your seat and frankly airplane seats are too small. i was on a flight last week, i bought it last minute and ended up with a center seat in the “basic” cabin, the cheap seats on united flights ( at least on this plane ) don’t have movable arm rests, my hips hit both armrests( read walls), it was very uncomfortable. i wear a women’s 10/12, after that experience i will always buy 2 seats if i’m in the back or at least never settle for less than business class. | nta . you did exactly what people scream at fat people to do and still got abuse hurled at you. the fact they didn't even ask is odd. | nta. you paid for the second seat for that very reason. i'm sorry, op. they acted horribly. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am obese. like i am comfortable having two seats in the plane type of obese. i am well aware of that and i really don't like to bother people with my weight. a week ago i was going to a conference by plane and because i was going alone (usually when i fly with my boyfriend i don't buy two since he sits next to me) i bought two seats. i fit in one but my side is usually touching the person next to me and i feel uncomfortable for them. it happened to me that they gave me nasty looks and i felt extremely uncomfortable the whole flight. so i sat down in the plane and put the armrest up so i would be really comfortable. some couple came and they both sat next to me because they got separate seats and they noticed the seat next to me was empty. exactly what i was afraid of happened. my side kept touching the guy next to me and he even pushed me a bit when he moved in the seat. i was feeling extremely uncomfortable and asked him if he could go to his seat because i bought this one for my comfort. he told me no, since the seat is empty and he wants to be with his girlfriend. well, i told him i understand but i feel uncomfortable and i paid for the second seat so exactly this doesn't happen. he refused again and started to chat with his gf. i called the flight attendant and quietly told her what is happening. she asked the guy to leave my second seat and he and his gf gave me a nasty look. the gf mumbled something like "fucking fat bitch" under her breath but nothing directly to me. so am i the asshole for insisting on him to leave? [/INST] nta- former flight attendant. it's your seat. you paid for it. if that (classless) couple wanted to sit together that badly, they should have paid for seats together. </s> |
AITA for refusing to let my parents use my first time home buyer's benefit? | hey. first time poster on this sub.
my family's landlord recently put our house up for sale, and if we can't come up with the down payment by june to purchase it, we'll have to move out. the down payment is 15%, or $60,000. however, first time home buyers get a benefit of only having to pay a 5% down payment.
my parents had the idea that we could sign the home in my name and use my first time buyer's benefit so that it's more likely we'll be able to come up with the down payment in time.
i said no, i wouldn't sign the house in my name, because using my benefit now means that i won't be able to use it later in life, and my fiancee and i really would like to own a home together one day. i'm also going to be moving in with my fiancee and her roommates in the next few months, provided i can find a job (proving to be nigh impossible with covid and all) or get on employment insurance, so i wouldn't even be living in the house i would legally own anyways.
now my parents are pissed off at me for refusing to use my benefit, and saying that if we have to move out, it's my fault. they keep saying things like 'you'll likely never be able to afford your own home anyways in this economy' and attacking me for not even having a job yet. i understand that they don't want to move out of this house, we've had to move far too many times in my life already, but it seems unfair to me that they're upset i won't sign the house in my name.
i don't think i'm the asshole, but my parents are certainly treating me like i am.
tl;dr: our landlord has put our house up for sale. parents want me to sign the house in my name so the down payment will be cheaper. i said no, and now they're saying it's my fault if we have to move out. | 864 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m6uorr/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_parents_use_my_first/ | 2021-03-17 07:17:35 | info: have your parents done any research? when last i checked, that credit is available to anyone who hasn’t owned a home in x number of years, not just literal first time buyers. | nta. absolutely not, your parents cannot use your first home buyers grant to buy a house. your parents have had a life time to buy a house, if they can’t get their own grant it’s because they have previously bought a house, you can only get the grant after you’ve been approved for a mortgage, you don’t have a job so you would never be approved, if your parents are saying they would pay the mortgage then it would be considered an investment property so the grant would not apply.
your parents are trying to do something shifty. stand your ground. now is the perfect time for you to move out on your own & for your parents to downsize. | nta
i mean, you could probably sort something out with them so you own the place and they pay you the mortgage but i’ve had baaaaadddd dealings with buying property with family so i wouldn’t recommend it. | nta
if you're not in work you won't pass the checks for mortgage lending.
you may not qualify for the full mortgage on the property. if you go in as a group purchase with your parents the first time discount may not apply
tell your parents to speak to some mortgage advisors (or a conveyancer) and get proper advice | but you have to live there, don’t you?
nta
this is the equivalent of getting loans or credit cards in your kids names | nta. do not do this. for starters, it’s fraud. as in its a crime. your parents are asking you to defraud a financial institution. that is a terrible idea. also, because the house would be in your name, you would be responsible for paying the mortgage if for some reason your parents can’t. are you comfortable paying the mortgage for your parents for the next 30 years? finally, doing this will mean you will never be able to buy a house with your fiancé, because you’ll already have this much debt assigned to you.
in sum, you are nta. do not commit a crime to help your parents. | nta. i would suspect that your parents would weaponize the house against you every chance they could, and possibly even make you financially on the hook for it. don’t fo it. | nta. and it is not your fault that your parents cannot arrange financing. none of this is your fault. and shame on your parents for trying to blame you. if they won't blame themselves, surely they want to point the finger at someone, so don't take it to heart, don't let it get to you, don't get pressured. save this wonderful opportunity for when you do decide to become a home owner and good luck in your future | nta
even if your parents wanted to pay you back they wouldn't be able, seeing how they would be paying the rest of that money for a long time.
if you plan on moving out, maybe they could get a smaller house. | nta, first time buyer’s credit should be used for your own use after careful consideration of where you want to place your roots down. it’s irresponsible for your parents to try to force their child to secure their housing, that is 100% their own responsibility. not to mention the level of risk that comes from what would happen if they missed a payment on the mortgage. that hit would directly affect your credit score since it is your name on the house, which could limit your chances even further of finding a good house in the next several years. that being said, they could find a home that would qualify for a usda loan (i’m assuming you live in the us), in which there is typically no down payment. the fact that this isn’t considered actually has me wondering if them pressuring you is just them looking for an easy way out, or if their credit is poor enough that they don’t qualify. (in which case tough shit, their credit score is also their own responsibility).
what would be best for them is to either apply for a usda loan or move to an apartment while they get their finances straight. do not let them risk your credit and future just because they don’t want to be responsible for their own finances. | INFO | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0.003 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey. first time poster on this sub. my family's landlord recently put our house up for sale, and if we can't come up with the down payment by june to purchase it, we'll have to move out. the down payment is 15%, or $60,000. however, first time home buyers get a benefit of only having to pay a 5% down payment. my parents had the idea that we could sign the home in my name and use my first time buyer's benefit so that it's more likely we'll be able to come up with the down payment in time. i said no, i wouldn't sign the house in my name, because using my benefit now means that i won't be able to use it later in life, and my fiancee and i really would like to own a home together one day. i'm also going to be moving in with my fiancee and her roommates in the next few months, provided i can find a job (proving to be nigh impossible with covid and all) or get on employment insurance, so i wouldn't even be living in the house i would legally own anyways. now my parents are pissed off at me for refusing to use my benefit, and saying that if we have to move out, it's my fault. they keep saying things like 'you'll likely never be able to afford your own home anyways in this economy' and attacking me for not even having a job yet. i understand that they don't want to move out of this house, we've had to move far too many times in my life already, but it seems unfair to me that they're upset i won't sign the house in my name. i don't think i'm the asshole, but my parents are certainly treating me like i am. tl;dr: our landlord has put our house up for sale. parents want me to sign the house in my name so the down payment will be cheaper. i said no, and now they're saying it's my fault if we have to move out. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey. first time poster on this sub. my family's landlord recently put our house up for sale, and if we can't come up with the down payment by june to purchase it, we'll have to move out. the down payment is 15%, or $60,000. however, first time home buyers get a benefit of only having to pay a 5% down payment. my parents had the idea that we could sign the home in my name and use my first time buyer's benefit so that it's more likely we'll be able to come up with the down payment in time. i said no, i wouldn't sign the house in my name, because using my benefit now means that i won't be able to use it later in life, and my fiancee and i really would like to own a home together one day. i'm also going to be moving in with my fiancee and her roommates in the next few months, provided i can find a job (proving to be nigh impossible with covid and all) or get on employment insurance, so i wouldn't even be living in the house i would legally own anyways. now my parents are pissed off at me for refusing to use my benefit, and saying that if we have to move out, it's my fault. they keep saying things like 'you'll likely never be able to afford your own home anyways in this economy' and attacking me for not even having a job yet. i understand that they don't want to move out of this house, we've had to move far too many times in my life already, but it seems unfair to me that they're upset i won't sign the house in my name. i don't think i'm the asshole, but my parents are certainly treating me like i am. tl;dr: our landlord has put our house up for sale. parents want me to sign the house in my name so the down payment will be cheaper. i said no, and now they're saying it's my fault if we have to move out. [/INST] info: have your parents done any research? when last i checked, that credit is available to anyone who hasn’t owned a home in x number of years, not just literal first time buyers. </s> |
AITA for asking my daughter for help? | 12,181 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zp7xtj/aita_for_asking_my_daughter_for_help/ | 2022-12-18 20:46:04 | yta
>am i correct that my daughter is self centered and childish?
nope that's a mirror you are looking at. | yta. this must be a joke… too many ridiculous assertions. the first, suggesting that sitting at a computer isn’t work/hard work. mainly, that you can be surprised she doesn’t want to visit when you just use her as an errand girl when she does.
also, none of your requests were urgent so why on earth can’t she get them done in her own time?? if you’re asking a favour,don’t be so demanding. | yta. op, you’re only 54 and are expecting your daughter to run errands for you like she’s a paid shopping assistant. you played the “i’m your mom and you must obey me” card and you lost. i’m pushing 80 and i never ask my young relatives to do something for me that i’m capable of doing myself or hiring done. my mother had your philosophy — children are supposed to do for their mother — and she died alone in a nursing home because nobody could stand to be around her. read and learn. | yta
how can you not see what a major ah you're being? she's a 28 year old grown woman and you're trying to boss her around like she's 14. she is very busy with her phd, yet you seem to think she's sitting on her ass doing nothing all day.
guess what? she doesn't have to do a thing you tell her to do, just because you say it. get over yourself, you're not the center of the universe. i hope you're happy that you drove her out of the house and won't see her over the holidays, all over not being able to accept that she's now an adult with her own life. | yta, bucko. you raised a woman who takes her work seriously and now you can't handle it. your shopping issues don't take precedence just because you want them to. | yta
you daughter is an adult woman who is nice enough to come visit you, which she doesn’t have to. it is not an obligation to spend time with you. she has tone of work to do and instead of respecting her work and respecting her boundaries, you demean her, her work and her efforts.
if you need all those chores be done, why wouldn’t you do it yourself? 54 is more than capable to do simple tasks. would you ask guests who you invite to your house to do those tasks? i doubt it. but you think it’s ok to ask your adult daughter who is working on vacation because of highly demanding career she has.
“she is sitting on her ass all day in from of computer” that’s what becoming a doctor takes. she is doing work on her vacation. phd is a very hard work, and you just demeaning all her work.
you sound like a horrible dad. i wouldn’t be surprised that in few months you post here “my daughter went no contact, but all i have been is a loving father”.
i am really surprised how some parents think they can treat a 28 y/o about to be a doctor like a high school kid who is playing video games all day. | you sound horrible. she is not your employee, she is a grown woman who owes you nothing. you checked her work calendar??? how dare you? for that gross overstep alone, you would not see me for at least 6 months. unbelievable lack of respect for her boundaries. yta | yta. she is grading, and those have to be submitted within (usually) 48 hours after the final exam takes place.
she may be "sitting on her ass in front of a computer" but getting your phd is no joke. if it were easy, everyone would have one. it's hard work.
also, she is an adult and is more than capable of deciding what to do with her day. she is not your personal assistant simply because she is home from school for the break. | "she said that she needs to have her grades done by today but i looked it up on the website and she has until monday evening so i called her on her bs, and she said she had "other work" due on monday so she needed to get the grading done today (but wouldn't enlighten me on what this mysterious "other work" is)."
she won't enlighten you because it's none of your business. your daughter is busy and doesn't have time to run errands for you.
read your post again and see if you can figure out who is self-centered and childish.
yta. | >asking my daughter for help
ok
>i called my older daughter from work on friday and told her she needed to run and exchange it for a different one
yta already for just blatantly lying to reddit when you've clearly just ordered her.
>she said ok, she'd do it the next day.
that's nice of her
>i said it needed to be done that day
i see you've joined r/choosingbeggars
>i said i was busy to and didn't feel like running out
what? she's also busy. you don't know everything that grad school is making her do. so if you're not just having a pissing contest with a grad student's workload, you're just self-importantly asserting that your time is more valuable than hers.
>i said well tough, this needs to be picked up today
tough what? you're the person that merely *wants* someone else to do your bidding for *your* nonessential tasks.
>she can't constantly live like she's the only person on the planet
this is projection. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta >am i correct that my daughter is self centered and childish? nope that's a mirror you are looking at. </s> |
|
Aita for not making my daughter invite the special needs student in her class to her birthday party. | my daughter is in the second grade, her birthday is coming up and we have a pool party planned at our park district for her birthday with her classmates. one student in her class, let’s call him tyler, is nonverbal autistic. i’ve met him a few times, and he’s a sweet kid, but yeah nonverbal autistic. he is in my daughters class partially but leaves midway through the day to go to a special program or something.
now i told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. i am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out. she ended up choosing the whole class, but my daughter, as respectfully as a second grader could be, asked me if it was okay if tyler did not receive an invite. she said he’s barely in her class and doesn’t really know anyone, and it might be tough for him to be at a pool party.
i talked to my husband about this and we ended up deciding that she does not have to invite him. she has to give out her invitations through mail however, because i do not want him seeing her giving invitations out.
anyways, i was talking about this at my work with a couple other nurses and a few of them thought i was being horrible by telling her she didn’t need to include the child with special needs. i said that i do not have any experience handling special needs children, and i didn’t know if he would need special assistance or even need his mom or a caretaker there the whole time. a coworker told me i made a huge mistake by “teaching my daughter that it’s okay to exclude those who are different”. idk if i’d read that much into it.
aita? | 7,493 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcj7ju/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_invite_the/ | 2020-03-02 21:20:07 | yta
you are definitely teaching your daughter that it's okay to exclude people who are different. it's not your choice if he can handle the party or not. he should absolutely receive an invite and his parents/caregivers can decide if he's capable of attending. | yta
how hard would it have been to speak to tyler's parents and understand what his needs were and ask for their opinion.
basically you have taught your daughter it's ok to exclude people who are different without actually making the effort to understand whether atyler could attend or not.
proper dick move! | yta.
>now i told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. i am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out.
except for excluding the kid with autism? yeah, no. your daughter is at an age where kids are developing empathy and learning how to interact with people, and imo this is absolutely the wrong message to give her. you told her she's not allowed to exclude specific people, but you're bending that rule to allow her to exclude the one "different" kid in her class.
it isn't just about your daughter. it's about the message that it sends to all of the other kids who are invited, and the message it sends to tyler. and even if tyler doesn't find out or isn't able to understand the social implications of being excluded, how much might it mean to tyler's parents that his classmates chose to include him? invite the kid. | yta 100%
when i was 7, a classmate (2nd grade) had an awesome-sounding birthday pool party. she invited the entire class. except for me. why? because i was the "fat kid". everyone talked about the party at school, and i knew just how horrible a person i was. it made school that much harder for me. it made me hate myself so much.
so, where do you draw the line? i'm sure her parents thought to themselves "well, the fat kid probably wouldn't want to wear a bathing suit around all of these thin kids" or some similar garbage.
it sounds like the pool party hasn't happened, yet? send the kid an invite. encourage the kid's parents to attend. don't teach your kid that it's ok to exclude someone like this. | hello
i’m autistic myself and have come to give my two cents on this matter
i can definitely understand a 7 year old not wanting to invite someone she doesn’t know very well and doesn’t spend the whole day in the class.
and i can totally understand your concerns about his safety and his potential need for a caretaker or other special requirements.
however i find it cruel to just decide that this is alright without further thought.
in my opinion you should have contacted tyler’s parents and asked them what they thought. chances are if tyler does require a caretaker or more attention they will let you know and probably even provide for these things, or even offer to chaperone themselves.
in my opinion tyler would be very hurt when/if he finds out later that the whole class went to this party but not him. he probably already experienced a lot of stigma for leaving school halfway for this program and i strongly feel like that is also not helping him feel like he’s a part of his class
i won’t be leaving a judgement because i don’t think it’s my place but i will suggest what would be in my opinion the most correct course of action
talk to his parents, see what they say. a pool party is actually the kind of activity that autistic children tend to enjoy because being underwater doesn’t require verbal communication and marco polo is also quite a simple game which tends to lend itself easily to the autistic spectrum but i digress. furthermore, should the parents be against tyler’s attendance, ask them how they would feel if he received an invitation anyway. stuff like that can really help him feel accepted, although i would encourage you to ask the parents what they think of this since it could put them in an uncomfortable position.
best of luck | serious question, when the heck did it become the norm to have to invite everyone in a class to a birthday party? every birthday party i went to (with a single exception) was usually 8-10 people (in my case girls, since i happen to be female), and the kid basically got to pick who to invite. | yta. you gave her the option of just the girls or the entire class, she choose the entire class but you're allowing her to exclude one single person for something they cannot help. . .not a bully, but a 2nd grader with a disability. i'm really disgusted you think this is ok. | yta-
i’m inviting everyone from my class... except for you because you’re autistic. | yta you literally said she can't pick and choose unless you deem them different enough and then they can the only child in the class who gets excluded. if you're worried about how he'll cope discuss it with his mom, she'll tell you he'll be fine, she'll come along to support or thank you for trying but it won't work. the fact he's non verbal autistic does not preclude him from enjoying a party or feeling the pain of being excluded from one. | nah i know i'm in the minority on this one but i think it needs to be said. op you aren't in the wrong at all for not inviting tyler. starting with the basics both you and your daughter don't feel comfortable having him there. which imo is reason enough, but to top it off he is non verball which not only makes logistics and ensuring safety harder it makes it more difficult for your daughter to connect with him and insure that both of them are having a good time. | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | null | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | NAH | 0.01744 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter is in the second grade, her birthday is coming up and we have a pool party planned at our park district for her birthday with her classmates. one student in her class, let’s call him tyler, is nonverbal autistic. i’ve met him a few times, and he’s a sweet kid, but yeah nonverbal autistic. he is in my daughters class partially but leaves midway through the day to go to a special program or something. now i told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. i am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out. she ended up choosing the whole class, but my daughter, as respectfully as a second grader could be, asked me if it was okay if tyler did not receive an invite. she said he’s barely in her class and doesn’t really know anyone, and it might be tough for him to be at a pool party. i talked to my husband about this and we ended up deciding that she does not have to invite him. she has to give out her invitations through mail however, because i do not want him seeing her giving invitations out. anyways, i was talking about this at my work with a couple other nurses and a few of them thought i was being horrible by telling her she didn’t need to include the child with special needs. i said that i do not have any experience handling special needs children, and i didn’t know if he would need special assistance or even need his mom or a caretaker there the whole time. a coworker told me i made a huge mistake by “teaching my daughter that it’s okay to exclude those who are different”. idk if i’d read that much into it. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is in the second grade, her birthday is coming up and we have a pool party planned at our park district for her birthday with her classmates. one student in her class, let’s call him tyler, is nonverbal autistic. i’ve met him a few times, and he’s a sweet kid, but yeah nonverbal autistic. he is in my daughters class partially but leaves midway through the day to go to a special program or something. now i told my daughter she can either invite all the girls, or the entire class. i am not letting her invite specific people and single anyone out. she ended up choosing the whole class, but my daughter, as respectfully as a second grader could be, asked me if it was okay if tyler did not receive an invite. she said he’s barely in her class and doesn’t really know anyone, and it might be tough for him to be at a pool party. i talked to my husband about this and we ended up deciding that she does not have to invite him. she has to give out her invitations through mail however, because i do not want him seeing her giving invitations out. anyways, i was talking about this at my work with a couple other nurses and a few of them thought i was being horrible by telling her she didn’t need to include the child with special needs. i said that i do not have any experience handling special needs children, and i didn’t know if he would need special assistance or even need his mom or a caretaker there the whole time. a coworker told me i made a huge mistake by “teaching my daughter that it’s okay to exclude those who are different”. idk if i’d read that much into it. aita? [/INST] yta you are definitely teaching your daughter that it's okay to exclude people who are different. it's not your choice if he can handle the party or not. he should absolutely receive an invite and his parents/caregivers can decide if he's capable of attending. </s> |
AITA for telling my sister and BIL "told ya so" for being dumb parents? | my sister and bil are pseudo-hippies. they have an 8yo daughter named "leigh." my niece had this boneheaded idea to shave her head and my sister and bil had no problem with it. it was self-expression. they asked me to do it since i cut my own sons' hair and buzz my own. i refused. i told them she would be mocked and teased for looking like a boy. kids look androgynous and hair and dress are usually the giveaways as to what gender they are. they turned it into a political issue about gender equality and i told them they can do what they want and believe what they want, but this isn't a political issue. she will be mistaken for being a boy with a buzzed head and she won't like it.
they buzzed her head (2 all around) and she looks like my son except they let her put blue dye. a week later she has been bawling her eyes out and wants a wig and won't go outdoors without a hat. people confuse her for being boy, even if she dresses like a girl. of course my sister and her husband are making it into a political issue. i told them they were wrong and now their kid is upset and they are stupid ass parents.
also, they fucked up the buzz too. the line is all messed up and there are uneven patches, but they insist that it's the world that's wrong and not them. | 4,480 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4rycd/aita_for_telling_my_sister_and_bil_told_ya_so_for/ | 2020-08-06 13:37:34 | esh apart from leigh. leigh is entitled to have her hair how she wants. this is not your business. however her parents should have explained to her that there are a lot of people out there with your mindset who will judge her and mistake her for a boy before she commited to it. if she then wanted to go ahead with it, that would be leigh's choice. not yours. not her parents. | nta
how the heck this is turned into ops fault? they refused to take part because they knew how it will go and told it. sister refused to consider, did what girl wanted to do and now are upset. the whole situation can be blamed on parents.
and only parents.
if op helped with cut, the result would have been the same. then parents would blame op for "not saying this happens"
it's the same thing when parents think giving their child "unique name to feel special" and then they are bullied thru school.
lesson learnt for everyone. | yta
so what if a girl shaves her head? she might've ended up regretting it, but she should be free to make these choices.
if her parents are okay with it, then it's not your place to interfere. i can understand the fact that you didn't want to do the buzz, but telling them what you said and then shoving it in their face afterward makes you the jerk | nta you were the only realist in the whole situation, you knew what human children would do and they did it. your niece was traumatized accordingly. this is an absolutely an i told you so moment. i know people are going to say it is just hair, it will grow back. but they didn’t even do it in a nice manner or in stages, they did the cut in a bad way, plus dyed it a weird color. what did they think was going to happen, that everyone would think she was a brave girl fighting cancer? since she isn’t a brave girl fighting cancer, kids do what they do and make fun of her, her feelings get hurt. her parents should have said no until she was older, so she could handle the results better. no different than any other parenting issue like telling her not to jump off a bridge cause someone told her to or not to eat dog poop cause her friends dared her to. | [deleted] | yta - girls should be allowed to shave their heads and it not be a problem. they’re right, it is the world’s fault for how their daughter is taking this. she wanted it, the world chewed her up for it and broke down a little girl. you’re part of that.
you should’ve shaved her head properly. and talked her up on how cool it looked and how if anyone doesn’t agree, they’re wrong. you could’ve been a supportive uncle and brother here, but no, you didn’t. | yta, for a number of reasons.
1) saying "i told you so", especially so soon, is never helpful and always obnoxious. you'd rather feed your own ego than direct your energy to supporting your niece. classy.
2) "also, they fucked up the buzz too." probably why they asked someone with experience to do it. but you refused. and yet now you see fit to further mock them for something you could have helped avoid. classy.
3) your point pre-shave about the bullying; bullying doesn't happen because a kid looks a little different, it happens because bullies choose to bully. either because they haven't yet been told that that is wrong, or worse because they pick up on the attitudes of the adults around them and act accordingly. | nta, you raised valid concerns and provided valid facts beforehand rubbing it in is in bad taste. | yta. instead of having the opportunity to give her a cool cut, you decided to let her suffer with a shitty cut from your sister/bil. and instead of using this as an opportunity to teach her how to stand up to bullies and stand up for her choices, you use it as a way to insult your sister/bil. and instead of offering to fix the cut, and be the cool aunt, you're smugly saying "i told you so". likely not something she'll forget. | yta - listen, kids are mean.
>except they let her put blue dye
short boyish hair is all the thing amongst a lot of women, let alone little girls. charlize theron, tilda swinton take your pick of strong popular female celebrities with short/pixie hair. and there's those suffering with cancer treatments, alopecia etc., there are lots of legitimate reasons to have short/buzzed hair on a girl. the haters are gonna hate regardless and having _blue_ hair is simply one of the bullshit reasons the bullies are gonna pick on ya.
_and omg <rant> teasing for short boy hair is so... what so 80s!? wtf is this kid smoking? whats next, girls should be in the kitchen?_
you missed a prime aunt/uncle opportunity op. you could have not only have been more supportive of your niece, you and her parents could have nipped this in the bud. "hey, <niece>, now what happens if you get some dumb bully teasing you about your hair?" and had that whole conversation and armed her with some responses that would have shut the bullying down. but nooo, you just fed right into the hate and the shun. good job there. | ESH | NTA | YTA | NTA | null | YTA | YTA | NTA | YTA | YTA | 0.477918 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and bil are pseudo-hippies. they have an 8yo daughter named "leigh." my niece had this boneheaded idea to shave her head and my sister and bil had no problem with it. it was self-expression. they asked me to do it since i cut my own sons' hair and buzz my own. i refused. i told them she would be mocked and teased for looking like a boy. kids look androgynous and hair and dress are usually the giveaways as to what gender they are. they turned it into a political issue about gender equality and i told them they can do what they want and believe what they want, but this isn't a political issue. she will be mistaken for being a boy with a buzzed head and she won't like it. they buzzed her head (2 all around) and she looks like my son except they let her put blue dye. a week later she has been bawling her eyes out and wants a wig and won't go outdoors without a hat. people confuse her for being boy, even if she dresses like a girl. of course my sister and her husband are making it into a political issue. i told them they were wrong and now their kid is upset and they are stupid ass parents. also, they fucked up the buzz too. the line is all messed up and there are uneven patches, but they insist that it's the world that's wrong and not them. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and bil are pseudo-hippies. they have an 8yo daughter named "leigh." my niece had this boneheaded idea to shave her head and my sister and bil had no problem with it. it was self-expression. they asked me to do it since i cut my own sons' hair and buzz my own. i refused. i told them she would be mocked and teased for looking like a boy. kids look androgynous and hair and dress are usually the giveaways as to what gender they are. they turned it into a political issue about gender equality and i told them they can do what they want and believe what they want, but this isn't a political issue. she will be mistaken for being a boy with a buzzed head and she won't like it. they buzzed her head (2 all around) and she looks like my son except they let her put blue dye. a week later she has been bawling her eyes out and wants a wig and won't go outdoors without a hat. people confuse her for being boy, even if she dresses like a girl. of course my sister and her husband are making it into a political issue. i told them they were wrong and now their kid is upset and they are stupid ass parents. also, they fucked up the buzz too. the line is all messed up and there are uneven patches, but they insist that it's the world that's wrong and not them. [/INST] esh apart from leigh. leigh is entitled to have her hair how she wants. this is not your business. however her parents should have explained to her that there are a lot of people out there with your mindset who will judge her and mistake her for a boy before she commited to it. if she then wanted to go ahead with it, that would be leigh's choice. not yours. not her parents. </s> |
AITA for laughing at a childfree woman wanting to be a housewife? | i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”.
i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife.
i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today).
much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”.
admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”.
i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams”
am i the asshole, for telling her the truth? | 10,430 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qsrqa0/aita_for_laughing_at_a_childfree_woman_wanting_to/ | 2021-11-13 02:58:07 | yta. if she did all the house cleaning and the errands, i'm marry her right this second. and i'm a straight woman. | yta. it is incredibly rude to laugh in someone’s face who is being genuine and honest with you. it’s also not that crazy that, if her future partner makes enough that she doesn’t need to work, then she can stay home. my wife didn’t work for several years before we even decided to have kids. i didn’t want her to have to work. seems pretty dumb to me to take up someone’s free time for no real reason, again so long as finances can be managed by one of you. what will she do? watch tv, see her family and friends, be stress free, feel happier. i don’t know why you wouldn’t want that for the person you love if you have the opportunity to provide it. you may think her way of thinking is childish as you smugly laughed at the premise. it is even more childish to live in this world where everything needs to be fair and if i have to work you have to work too. | nah. she is allowed to have a (somewhat delusional but technically possible) dream. you are allowed to decline to support it and give your opinion on it. | yta. housewife ≠ stay at home mom, no matter how you interpret it. | i have a friend who was laid-off a few years back after over 20 years with her company. her husband still works outside the home. instead of a second career, they decided she’d be a stay at home wife. she takes care of the house, cooks, and gardens. she treats it like a 9 to 5 job. their house is immaculate; it looks like a model home. she’s happy and her husband is thrilled to come home to a great dinner and a gorgeous home that their friends are jealous of. | yta.
just because you don't like the idea doesn't mean it can't happen to her. | yta she wasn't asking for the impossible - there are plenty of housewives without children. most of them occupy themselves by doing all the work that it takes to maintain a home and strong family and community connections. sounds like you shut her down before she could give you any details. it's ok to not want to support a wife if that's not your thing, but being openly disdainful is not. | op: "i didn't laugh or insult her, just a little spontaneous chuckle and i then answered to a question saying that most men wouldn't like that"
reddit: "just leave her alone, we want to date her!"
seriously, stop doing this. op didn't kill your mother and even actually married couples fights a lot, so why is it so big if at a first date people find out they have different views?
"he crushed her dreams", well, i dreamt of being a dinosaur when i was a kid and then my teacher told me it's biologically impossible, i was hurt but she was right. dreams are dreams for a reason and adult people should know how much importance to give to dreams, actual facts, and opinions | yta. if i follow your logic, when children are at daycare or school, housewives just stand in the corner of a dark room with a flickering light ready to attack unsuspecting pray and the household work gets done all by its own, probably from the demon possessing the woman's soul. | nah. and you didn’t crush her dreams, she probably just feels stupid because she wasted her time. there are people out there who would be fine with partners who stay at home without children. “housewife” and “homemaker” don’t always mean “stay at home mother.” | YTA | YTA | NAH | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | null | YTA | NAH | 0.091339 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”. i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife. i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today). much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”. admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”. i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams” am i the asshole, for telling her the truth? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been online dating for quite a while. my profile very clearly states,” i'm dating with marriage as the end goal”. i matched a few weeks ago with a charming woman who said she also was dating with the intent to get married, with the caveat of wanting a traditional relationship where she would be a housewife. i agree that i would be happy with that arrangement, in the future. we chat about a variety of subjects and set up a date for an early dinner two weeks out (today). much to my surprise, during the date, she casually mentions she doesn't want children. in my confusion, i ask her, “but you said you were looking to become a housewife?” she responds, “you can be a housewife and still not want children”. admittedly, i did chuckle, but it wasn't a full belly roar of a laugh, just a chuckle. she took great offense to my laugh and asks, “why can't she be childfree and a housewife”. my response was, ”what will you be doing all day?” she says, ”what do older housewives do after their children go off on their own” my response was, “usually back to work”. i told her it's going to be next to impossible to find a man willing to take that deal. she gets angry and leaves. i tell my sister and she thinks i “crushed that poor woman's dreams” am i the asshole, for telling her the truth? [/INST] yta. if she did all the house cleaning and the errands, i'm marry her right this second. and i'm a straight woman. </s> |
AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again? | i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18.
what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family.
the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell.
amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her.
i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did.
he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing).
aita? | 24,979 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbzs2z/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_should_be_ashamed/ | 2022-06-14 09:43:24 | nta. your husband doesn't understand it :(
he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart.
it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory. | nta but your husband certainly is. amy most certainly was not entitled to her stepsister's dead mother's jewellery.
you are married to an a grade ah. | nta
losing a parent at a young age is bad enough and not having your remaining parent respect your boundaries when it comes to items of the deceased parent is just terrible. op did nothing wrong and spoke the truth to her husband. he has no one to blame but himself that he doesn’t have a relationship with his eldest daughter. to gild the lily, he then chose to bring his family into the argument with you which is never good. | nta: the necklace was likely just the big flashpoint, there's a lot more to the story that you might never know. it's likely that annie was not given what she needed emotionally after her mother's death. how long after the death of annie:s mom, did your husband marry his second wife? | nta they don’t sound they have morals. omg who in their right mind takes their child’s inheritance and give it to another just like that and acts that the did something wrong. i feel this is a red flag 🚩 | i hope you don’t have kids, that’ll make the inevitable divorce a lot trickier. | nta. geez, what would he do with your things? do you have children? | nta for all the reasons you mention. how callous of your husband and his family to do such a thing. they knowing kept that vital piece of information away from you bc they all knew they were the ahs. | nta
i would consider reevaluating your relationship. it shows that your husband is not a good father and that’s a major red flag. he, his second wife, and daughter collectively created this persona that annie was this monster. it also show he was probably dismissive of annie, i mean what kind of person gives a necklace of his deceased wife to someone other than her daughter. the mother of amy is no better, i think this shows you the lack of sentiment he has and highlights some repulsive qualities. i couldn’t fathom being married to a man like that. and the fact he has no problem with no contact with one of his daughters shows he doesn’t care. thank god you don’t have kids with him and please don’t ever. he obviously doesn’t know how to raise them. and his family is just like him. i hope you reach out to annie, am i know this is petty but somehow steal the necklace and give it to her. i just can’t imagine how painful that situation must’ve been to her. she needs someone to look out for her. hopefully you leave this guy and can build a relationship with annie | nta
this is horrible advice and you should ignore me, but if amy let the necklace get into a bad way, does that mean she doesn't take care of it and her 'losing' it would be believable?
because that would be a huge shame.
and those cousins being able to secretly get it back to annie would also be absolutely terrible.
but i have no idea of the legal ramifications that could come from such a terrible sequence of events. | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | NTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i married my husband 3 years ago. he was divorced, and previously widowered. he has two daughters. annie who is now 26 (i believe) from his first marriage and amy who is 17 from his second. my husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried and annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. he was also honest that annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with amy or him after she turned 18. what he did not tell me was the major role he played in all of this. i found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. the story as i now know it. when amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. my husband gave the necklace to amy, which upset annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her. my husband told annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because amy was entitled to have something too. annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. my husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. that she was being selfish. his ex wife told her that her mother would want "someone as special as your sister" to have a piece of her as well. annie never got over it. she tried to take it from amy and was punished. the last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to fucking hell. amy still has the necklace too. she has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. i was shocked. i never would have expected my husband to be that way. he was very unapologetic about it and told me annie would have to get over it some day. i told him he should be ashamed of himself. that he should have allowed annie's mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as she chose, that amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but annie would have. i told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and i would not blame her if she never did. he was furious i judged him. his family said i should take my husbands side over his daughter who i don't even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing). aita? [/INST] nta. your husband doesn't understand it :( he likely lost annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart. it was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her mom's memory. </s> |
AITA for taking the diamond out of an heirloom ring for my gf's engagement ring? | throwaway. i swear i have no clue whether i’m ta or not.
i (28m) have a 32f sister and a 37m brother. my grandmother left my mother her diamond engagement ring. my mother always said she would leave the ring to my sister (32f), but my sister recently told her that since she has an engagement ring from her husband and she’s not really into jewelry anyway why not leave grandma’s ring to one of our brother's kids (my sister is childfree).
a couple of months ago i told mom i was going to propose to my gf, and she offered me gram's ring to do it with. my gf was amazed at the size of the rock, but didn’t like the ring – it was a traditional solitaire setting in white gold – and asked if we could take the diamond out and use it in something more modern. she picked a new platinum setting with a couple of smaller diamonds and i was glad to save money. when my mother found out she was surprised, but not upset, and asked if she could have the setting back (the inside was engraved with my grandparents’ initials and a message). i didn’t have any use for it so i said sure.
this weekend my fiancée and me and my sister and her husband were visiting our parents for father’s day, and my sister was excited and asked to see missy’s ring. when my fiancée held out her hand my sister had a surprised pikachu face and said she thought i was proposing with gram's ring? i told her it was gram's diamond, and she said “oh,” and that was it.
on sunday i noticed my mother was wearing the old setting, but it had a blue stone (a sapphire). i asked her what that was about and she said my sister took it to a local jeweler and had the new stone put in and gave it to her as an early birthday present, and mom was all happy she could still wear the setting, which she’d missed having on her finger (she used to wear it all the time).
i confronted my sister later that night and asked her what her problem was. she said nothing at first but i kept pushing, and finally she said look, if i knew you were going to mutilate gram's ring i wouldn’t have told mom to give it to you. i said she didn’t – she said mom should give it to one of the nephews. sis said that’s because she assumed mom would want to keep it during her lifetime. then she said if all missy and i wanted was the diamond that was our prerogative, but the setting was a piece of family history and sentimental and she didn’t want it getting tossed aside. i thought she made me look bad and said so, she told me to get over myself, i called her a bitch, she told me if i’m getting married i should think about growing up and walked off, and i feel like she spoiled my enagemement gift to missy. | 11,173 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgvsbp/aita_for_taking_the_diamond_out_of_an_heirloom/ | 2022-06-20 21:04:17 | info: confronted your sister about what? what could you possibly think she did wrong? | yta op, you took what you wanted and then threw a tantrum because your sister did something nice for your mum so that she could keep wearing her mums ring
info why are you so upset they got a new stone in the setting if you didn’t want the setting | info: why did you confront her? was she being rude in any way to you? it seems like all she did was replace the diamond and give back the unused setting to her mother and didn’t show any sort of anger until you confronted her. so why confront her? | [deleted] | yta. not only did you discard the ring but make sure to take the big diamond for free, you threw a fit about your sister doing something kind for your mother. she's right. if your girlfriend just wants to make sure she gets a big rock for free, that's her choice, but that doesn't mean the setting should be unusable to the people who actually care. | * *she made me look bad.
nope, you made yourself look bad. she made herself look good. you clearly missed the sentimentality of the piece and just plain old dropped the ball on asking mom if it was okay to reconstruct the piece. of course mom seemed okay with it after the fact, what else was she going to do? wrestle the ring off your gf’s finger and demand it be put back together. mom and your sis handled this with grace. you were at best clueless then made a pikachu face when you pushed your sister (for doing something nice for your mom?) and didn’t like her answer. | yta. when a piece is an heirloom you need to fucking ask before you alter it in any way.
also your sister didn't say anything to you; she just did the decent thing (which i'm not surprised you didn't recognize) by having a new stone put in so that your mother wasn't left with the empty shell of something she loved left to her by someone she cared about. you are the one who made it a big deal, and you made yourself look bad because what you did was bad.
you and your fiancee may have seen the ring as something you could pick parts off of like a car in a junkyard, but to your mom that was a memory of her mother that you basically shit on. | yta
first of all why did you confront your sister it doesn’t make any sense as she was nice for putting a new stone in the old setting
secondly you shouldn’t have used the stone from your grandmas ring. it’s a family heirloom and frankly your girlfriend shouldn’t have asked. either way you shouldn’t have even if your mother said it was ok especially since you didn’t know the sentimental value | yes, yta.
it was given as a heirloom ring; you basically cut it up, took what you wanted, created a non-heirloom item.
that's normally not how those work. | yta. if you wanted a modern ring, you should have purchased a modern ring. taking the stone out of a family heirloom because it "saved you some money" is tacky. | INFO | YTA | INFO | null | YTA | null | YTA | YTA | YTA | YTA | 0.027063 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway. i swear i have no clue whether i’m ta or not. i (28m) have a 32f sister and a 37m brother. my grandmother left my mother her diamond engagement ring. my mother always said she would leave the ring to my sister (32f), but my sister recently told her that since she has an engagement ring from her husband and she’s not really into jewelry anyway why not leave grandma’s ring to one of our brother's kids (my sister is childfree). a couple of months ago i told mom i was going to propose to my gf, and she offered me gram's ring to do it with. my gf was amazed at the size of the rock, but didn’t like the ring – it was a traditional solitaire setting in white gold – and asked if we could take the diamond out and use it in something more modern. she picked a new platinum setting with a couple of smaller diamonds and i was glad to save money. when my mother found out she was surprised, but not upset, and asked if she could have the setting back (the inside was engraved with my grandparents’ initials and a message). i didn’t have any use for it so i said sure. this weekend my fiancée and me and my sister and her husband were visiting our parents for father’s day, and my sister was excited and asked to see missy’s ring. when my fiancée held out her hand my sister had a surprised pikachu face and said she thought i was proposing with gram's ring? i told her it was gram's diamond, and she said “oh,” and that was it. on sunday i noticed my mother was wearing the old setting, but it had a blue stone (a sapphire). i asked her what that was about and she said my sister took it to a local jeweler and had the new stone put in and gave it to her as an early birthday present, and mom was all happy she could still wear the setting, which she’d missed having on her finger (she used to wear it all the time). i confronted my sister later that night and asked her what her problem was. she said nothing at first but i kept pushing, and finally she said look, if i knew you were going to mutilate gram's ring i wouldn’t have told mom to give it to you. i said she didn’t – she said mom should give it to one of the nephews. sis said that’s because she assumed mom would want to keep it during her lifetime. then she said if all missy and i wanted was the diamond that was our prerogative, but the setting was a piece of family history and sentimental and she didn’t want it getting tossed aside. i thought she made me look bad and said so, she told me to get over myself, i called her a bitch, she told me if i’m getting married i should think about growing up and walked off, and i feel like she spoiled my enagemement gift to missy. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. i swear i have no clue whether i’m ta or not. i (28m) have a 32f sister and a 37m brother. my grandmother left my mother her diamond engagement ring. my mother always said she would leave the ring to my sister (32f), but my sister recently told her that since she has an engagement ring from her husband and she’s not really into jewelry anyway why not leave grandma’s ring to one of our brother's kids (my sister is childfree). a couple of months ago i told mom i was going to propose to my gf, and she offered me gram's ring to do it with. my gf was amazed at the size of the rock, but didn’t like the ring – it was a traditional solitaire setting in white gold – and asked if we could take the diamond out and use it in something more modern. she picked a new platinum setting with a couple of smaller diamonds and i was glad to save money. when my mother found out she was surprised, but not upset, and asked if she could have the setting back (the inside was engraved with my grandparents’ initials and a message). i didn’t have any use for it so i said sure. this weekend my fiancée and me and my sister and her husband were visiting our parents for father’s day, and my sister was excited and asked to see missy’s ring. when my fiancée held out her hand my sister had a surprised pikachu face and said she thought i was proposing with gram's ring? i told her it was gram's diamond, and she said “oh,” and that was it. on sunday i noticed my mother was wearing the old setting, but it had a blue stone (a sapphire). i asked her what that was about and she said my sister took it to a local jeweler and had the new stone put in and gave it to her as an early birthday present, and mom was all happy she could still wear the setting, which she’d missed having on her finger (she used to wear it all the time). i confronted my sister later that night and asked her what her problem was. she said nothing at first but i kept pushing, and finally she said look, if i knew you were going to mutilate gram's ring i wouldn’t have told mom to give it to you. i said she didn’t – she said mom should give it to one of the nephews. sis said that’s because she assumed mom would want to keep it during her lifetime. then she said if all missy and i wanted was the diamond that was our prerogative, but the setting was a piece of family history and sentimental and she didn’t want it getting tossed aside. i thought she made me look bad and said so, she told me to get over myself, i called her a bitch, she told me if i’m getting married i should think about growing up and walked off, and i feel like she spoiled my enagemement gift to missy. [/INST] info: confronted your sister about what? what could you possibly think she did wrong? </s> |
AITA for telling my daughter to leave my husband alone? | i have three children. (10f, 22m and 24f). the older two are from my first marriage. their father died when they were 5 and 7. i married their stepfather 4 years later.
from the very beginning my daughter had a difficult time adjusting. she never saw my husband as a father figure, unlike my son who took to him very quickly. we tried everything, including therapy but it didn't do much. she was rude with him all the way through her teenage years, refused to be parented by him, cussed him out, told him he wasn't her father and that she wanted nothing to do with him etc. my husband, if i might say so, was incredibly patient. he never pushed too hard, respected her boundaries and always listened to me when i told him to back off. but he did catch a lot of verbal abuse, and i sometimes feel guilty not being stricter with her.
she moved out at 18, for college (we paid for her education). things have become civil since then, but still cold. recently my daughter has been trying to fix things with her stepfather. she wants to join him and her brother for their monthly fishing trips. but my husband is reluctant. he's not interested in fixing things. he believes his duty is done now that she's an adult and that he's going to live his life in peace now. my son doesn't care either way.
this breaks my heart as i want us to be a proper family. my daughter has been repeatedly asking me to intercede on her behalf, and i have, but it seems like its only making things more tense. so i told her that maybe it is best to leave him alone. maybe time will make things better. or maybe it won't, and that she will have to accept that possibility as well. she says i'm a major asshole for being so fatalistic.
aita? | 10,164 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owdmkj/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_leave_my_husband/ | 2021-08-02 12:38:01 | nah
sometimes timing sucks and just can't be helped.
you were ready to move on with a new husband. that's okay.
your daughter wasn't ready for a new father, or a stepfather. that's okay.
your husband did his best. that's good.
your daughters grown up, and is ready to be more mature about things. that's good.
your husband has been hurt in the past, and is reluctant to take more emotional risks. that's okay.
while time doesn't heal all wounds, time may help here. one can't see the future, but one can have hope. | he didn’t force her to accept him back then.
she can’t force him *now.*
**this will take time and effort.** it’s not as easy or simple as her suddenly joining the fishing trips and pretending everything’s cool. nta for supporting your husband’s boundaries and emotional health. | nah. this is sad, though. i do feel a bit like your husband could at least try, for you if for no one else.
> he believes his duty is done now that she's an adult and that he's going to live his life in peace now
i know you say he was patient and didn't push and so on, but something about that line struck me. i wonder on what level she always felt like she was a *duty*? an unavoidable responsibility to be tolerated until she was an adult? not something to condemn him for, but not something that would make me feel particularly loved and secure, either. something just sad, without anyone really being to blame.
i expect this post to get a lot of "she made her bed and can lie in it sucks to be her" type replies, but idk... she lost her dad aged 7, she grew up with her surviving parent married to someone she didn't want and who everyone she loved was bonded with. her behaviour sounds really hard to live with (god knows i know what it is like to parent a challenging child, there have been *many* times i have wished my eldest child was someone else entirely) and i don't doubt your husband's pain over the years, but... she was a child then and as an adult she is trying to repair things. your husband isn't under an *obligation* to make the same effort, but it is really sad that he isn't interested in doing so. | nta. i get that she was a child (and i'm sure your husband gets that too) but years of being rejected will take its toll on people. and years of her rejecting your husband took its toll on him. he probably wonders what her endgame is now, since it'd be hard to believe she's got innocent intentions here after years of driving the point home that he was not a father to her. he probably figures she wants something and that is the reason for her sudden change of heart.
you can't undo years of rejection with a couple of weak attempts to spend time with someone. and sometimes, actions we take even as kids, can have lasting consequences in our lives. she really needs to acknowledge the pain she's caused and offer a sincere and heartfelt apology to the man, and then take it slow in building up a relationship with him, but horning in on pleasant fishing trips is not the answer. she should probably spend time with the two of you, and start to show that her attitude has changed, and leave the fishing trips to your husband and son, at least at this time. | gonna say nah. while she behaved unfairly, she might not have been ready to move on. she lost her father as a child, then when she was barely emotionally mature her stepfather came into the picture. her brother set the precedent of how the relationship could be, something she couldn't do because she couldn't adjust, which i will not blame an eleven year old for. then, during highly emotional teenage years, a younger sister comes along, which in such cases is absolutely terrifying for any child.
then she left at 18. now look: this is something that happens to a lot of people. physical space takes away constant conflict and stressors and for the first time in her life, she might have been able to truly judge the situation neutrally. it wasn't fair for her to lash out, but as soon as they were living together, there was constant stress, even if it might have been created by her. therapy not helping might be a big indicator here. she has now seen she has behaved unfairly. but even though i can understand the dad, parenting doesn't end at 18, and that stance is a dangerous one. would he say the same thing about his bio-daughter? he is not only hurting himself here, by not accepting her back, but the entirety of the family unit. all of you should maybe try counseling again. he doesn't have to include her right away, but the effort should be made, for all of yours sake. he took on the role of a parent and everything that comes with it. he has behaved amicably, but he didn't seem to have thought it through if he thought she would just be not a close part of his life after 18.
he doesn't want to be emotionally vulnerable, which is okay. but just acting like your daughter doesn't exist and create further resentment... you brought this man into their lifes. that was okay, you have to live on too. but they never had a choice, did they? if she had one, all of this likely wouldn't have happened. but all of you have one now.
&#x200b; | nta - its nice that she wants to have a relationship with him now, but she needs to find a way to do that without asking him to do something for her.
he is right, he had a certain obligation to try and build a relationship with her when she was a child, but because she never wanted a relationship (and so they never had one) and because she is an adult now, he is no longer obligated to make any special effort with her. if she wants a relationship with him, she needs to figure out how to build that relationship as two adults. | nta, but can you blame your husband?
> she was rude with him all they way through her teenage years, refused to be parented by him, cussed him out, told him he wasn't her father and that she wanted nothing to do with him etc.
well she got what she wanted. she really think your husband will come running to her after everything she has done? can't blame him at all for not being happy all at once. did she ever even apologize? | you are nta for telling your daughter to leave your husband alone, but that doesn’t make up for the years of abuse you subjected him to because you didn’t lay down the law with your daughter. saying you want to be a “proper family” is troublesome for a variety of reasons, because it invalidates functional and loving blended families and downplays your role in creating this situation. you should have tried different therapists and done more to figure out your daughter’s antipathy towards your new husband or, failing that, used negative reinforcement to show her that disrespectful behaviors wouldn’t be tolerated.
does she really want to make amends, or is she jealous of her brother’s bonding with their stepfather? if the former, you might recommend that your daughter write a heartfelt letter to your husband apologizing for how truly terrible she was to him all those years. i can’t guarantee it will have any impact. your husband suffered a lot of abuse from your daughter’s action and your inaction, and he’s not required to accept an extended olive branch from someone who treated him terribly. | nah, i'm not in the same situation as your daughter, but my dad died when i was 20, and it was unbelievably hard, and i was so angry. i can't imagine what that would be like at 7.
i was also an arsehole of a teenager, like absolutely vile, slamming doors and swearing. and i didn't even have the excuse of grieving. i regret it. and i regret that i'll never get the chance to make it up with my dad.
i don't think i really got a handle on myself until i was about 25, which sounds like where your daughter is. it hurts really bad when you realise you can't ever make it right. she hasn't even lost stepdad but it's still kind of too late, and that's really shit.
equally your husband is hurting, and it's fair that he doesn't want to make amends and possibly be hurt again. your daughter shouldn't ask you to be in the middle between them.
i really hope you can all work it out in the end. | info - has she apologized for her past behavior? has she suggested an activity that is not stealing time from what appears to by bonding time with his son? has she explained why she wants a relationship now?
until she does all that she is the a. she has a lot to make up for. you should protect your husband but if she is willing to put in the work let her know that you will help in whatever way you think it is best. good luck. | NAH | NTA | NAH | NTA | NAH | NTA | NTA | NTA | NAH | INFO | 0.02985 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have three children. (10f, 22m and 24f). the older two are from my first marriage. their father died when they were 5 and 7. i married their stepfather 4 years later. from the very beginning my daughter had a difficult time adjusting. she never saw my husband as a father figure, unlike my son who took to him very quickly. we tried everything, including therapy but it didn't do much. she was rude with him all the way through her teenage years, refused to be parented by him, cussed him out, told him he wasn't her father and that she wanted nothing to do with him etc. my husband, if i might say so, was incredibly patient. he never pushed too hard, respected her boundaries and always listened to me when i told him to back off. but he did catch a lot of verbal abuse, and i sometimes feel guilty not being stricter with her. she moved out at 18, for college (we paid for her education). things have become civil since then, but still cold. recently my daughter has been trying to fix things with her stepfather. she wants to join him and her brother for their monthly fishing trips. but my husband is reluctant. he's not interested in fixing things. he believes his duty is done now that she's an adult and that he's going to live his life in peace now. my son doesn't care either way. this breaks my heart as i want us to be a proper family. my daughter has been repeatedly asking me to intercede on her behalf, and i have, but it seems like its only making things more tense. so i told her that maybe it is best to leave him alone. maybe time will make things better. or maybe it won't, and that she will have to accept that possibility as well. she says i'm a major asshole for being so fatalistic. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have three children. (10f, 22m and 24f). the older two are from my first marriage. their father died when they were 5 and 7. i married their stepfather 4 years later. from the very beginning my daughter had a difficult time adjusting. she never saw my husband as a father figure, unlike my son who took to him very quickly. we tried everything, including therapy but it didn't do much. she was rude with him all the way through her teenage years, refused to be parented by him, cussed him out, told him he wasn't her father and that she wanted nothing to do with him etc. my husband, if i might say so, was incredibly patient. he never pushed too hard, respected her boundaries and always listened to me when i told him to back off. but he did catch a lot of verbal abuse, and i sometimes feel guilty not being stricter with her. she moved out at 18, for college (we paid for her education). things have become civil since then, but still cold. recently my daughter has been trying to fix things with her stepfather. she wants to join him and her brother for their monthly fishing trips. but my husband is reluctant. he's not interested in fixing things. he believes his duty is done now that she's an adult and that he's going to live his life in peace now. my son doesn't care either way. this breaks my heart as i want us to be a proper family. my daughter has been repeatedly asking me to intercede on her behalf, and i have, but it seems like its only making things more tense. so i told her that maybe it is best to leave him alone. maybe time will make things better. or maybe it won't, and that she will have to accept that possibility as well. she says i'm a major asshole for being so fatalistic. aita? [/INST] nah sometimes timing sucks and just can't be helped. you were ready to move on with a new husband. that's okay. your daughter wasn't ready for a new father, or a stepfather. that's okay. your husband did his best. that's good. your daughters grown up, and is ready to be more mature about things. that's good. your husband has been hurt in the past, and is reluctant to take more emotional risks. that's okay. while time doesn't heal all wounds, time may help here. one can't see the future, but one can have hope. </s> |
AITA for telling my friend his wife couldn’t pull off a bathing suit | i have been informed by my friend that my wife seems to have a lot of body confidence on a few occasions. she posts a lot of photos on instagram in dresses, crop tops, and now that it’s summer - swimsuits.
i’ve never had a problem with it. i think most girls in their mid twenties do the same thing, but my friend has been making weird remarks to me about her posts since we got married.
he essentially says her posts are too provocative for a married woman and that she’s putting herself online like she’s a single woman. he also makes the point that most married women do not post photos like she does, and his wife would never “disrespect him” by posting photos like this.
i brought it up to my wife once and she just laughed and said he was weird. i agreed and haven’t said anything about it to her since.
recently a group of us got together at the lake. my wife wore what i considered normal attire, a bikini, but my friend thought differently.
he made a comment in front of us guys about her ass being out and asked her me if she just liked to make everyone uncomfortable and have people stare at her. and of course he brought it back around to his wife saying how she dresses respectful in front of other guys. his wife had a one piece i think but wore a coverup most of the time we were there.
my wife wasn’t wearing a thong bathing suit bottom so i honestly don’t know what his deal was. there were other girls there in two-pieces besides her. i had honestly had enough of his incessant continuous comments about my wife and how he was continually comparing her to his more conservatively dressed wife so i said “your wife just dresses like that because she can’t pull of a swimsuit. stop fixating on my wife bro, it’s getting old fast.”
i know his wife hadn’t caused anything and probably didn’t deserve that but it did get him to shut up. we actually haven’t talked since then to which i don’t really care. we’ll probably run into each other the next time we have a friend throw an outing though. i do feel like his wife didn’t deserve that, even if she didn’t know i said it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole. i don’t really want to apologize to him before he apologizes for all of his comments, but if reddit thinks its the consensus i might. | 8,744 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vnt3pw/aita_for_telling_my_friend_his_wife_couldnt_pull/ | 2022-06-29 23:09:31 | esh, well the husbands do. you should have stood up for your wife and not insulted his. | [removed] | esh. there were other ways to get this guy to shut up without bringing his wife into it. she had nothing to do with it and you just stooped to hai level by making inappropriate comments on his wife's appearance. | esh.
yes, yta for bringing his wife into it.
yes, he's ta for making creepy comments about what others should wear, and essentially saying he's sexually attracted to your wife.
don't get me wrong, he's worse, but you're not blameless either. if you have a problem, go after \*him\* not his wife. | esh
he is obviously an asshole for what he said about your wife (he's attracted to her, fyi) but you really didn't have to body shame his wife, who had nothing to do with the conversation in order to defend your wife. it just made both of you look like butts. | esh, you retaliated to sexism... with sexism. i know you spoke out of frustration, but please think before you speak. be the bigger man, not the equally gross man.
also, keep this guy away from your wife, he sounds pervy asf. | [removed] | you don’t solve sexist garbage…. by contributing sexist garbage. | esh
except your wife and his, that is.
his comments are messed up, yes. totally agree there. and you were right to tell him he was out of line. but it's not his wife's fault that he's an ah. being married to someone like that didn't sound fun. she did not deserve that. | a solid esh | ESH | null | ESH | ESH | ESH | ESH | null | null | ESH | ESH | 0 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been informed by my friend that my wife seems to have a lot of body confidence on a few occasions. she posts a lot of photos on instagram in dresses, crop tops, and now that it’s summer - swimsuits. i’ve never had a problem with it. i think most girls in their mid twenties do the same thing, but my friend has been making weird remarks to me about her posts since we got married. he essentially says her posts are too provocative for a married woman and that she’s putting herself online like she’s a single woman. he also makes the point that most married women do not post photos like she does, and his wife would never “disrespect him” by posting photos like this. i brought it up to my wife once and she just laughed and said he was weird. i agreed and haven’t said anything about it to her since. recently a group of us got together at the lake. my wife wore what i considered normal attire, a bikini, but my friend thought differently. he made a comment in front of us guys about her ass being out and asked her me if she just liked to make everyone uncomfortable and have people stare at her. and of course he brought it back around to his wife saying how she dresses respectful in front of other guys. his wife had a one piece i think but wore a coverup most of the time we were there. my wife wasn’t wearing a thong bathing suit bottom so i honestly don’t know what his deal was. there were other girls there in two-pieces besides her. i had honestly had enough of his incessant continuous comments about my wife and how he was continually comparing her to his more conservatively dressed wife so i said “your wife just dresses like that because she can’t pull of a swimsuit. stop fixating on my wife bro, it’s getting old fast.” i know his wife hadn’t caused anything and probably didn’t deserve that but it did get him to shut up. we actually haven’t talked since then to which i don’t really care. we’ll probably run into each other the next time we have a friend throw an outing though. i do feel like his wife didn’t deserve that, even if she didn’t know i said it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole. i don’t really want to apologize to him before he apologizes for all of his comments, but if reddit thinks its the consensus i might. | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been informed by my friend that my wife seems to have a lot of body confidence on a few occasions. she posts a lot of photos on instagram in dresses, crop tops, and now that it’s summer - swimsuits. i’ve never had a problem with it. i think most girls in their mid twenties do the same thing, but my friend has been making weird remarks to me about her posts since we got married. he essentially says her posts are too provocative for a married woman and that she’s putting herself online like she’s a single woman. he also makes the point that most married women do not post photos like she does, and his wife would never “disrespect him” by posting photos like this. i brought it up to my wife once and she just laughed and said he was weird. i agreed and haven’t said anything about it to her since. recently a group of us got together at the lake. my wife wore what i considered normal attire, a bikini, but my friend thought differently. he made a comment in front of us guys about her ass being out and asked her me if she just liked to make everyone uncomfortable and have people stare at her. and of course he brought it back around to his wife saying how she dresses respectful in front of other guys. his wife had a one piece i think but wore a coverup most of the time we were there. my wife wasn’t wearing a thong bathing suit bottom so i honestly don’t know what his deal was. there were other girls there in two-pieces besides her. i had honestly had enough of his incessant continuous comments about my wife and how he was continually comparing her to his more conservatively dressed wife so i said “your wife just dresses like that because she can’t pull of a swimsuit. stop fixating on my wife bro, it’s getting old fast.” i know his wife hadn’t caused anything and probably didn’t deserve that but it did get him to shut up. we actually haven’t talked since then to which i don’t really care. we’ll probably run into each other the next time we have a friend throw an outing though. i do feel like his wife didn’t deserve that, even if she didn’t know i said it, so i’m wondering if i’m an asshole. i don’t really want to apologize to him before he apologizes for all of his comments, but if reddit thinks its the consensus i might. [/INST] esh, well the husbands do. you should have stood up for your wife and not insulted his. </s> |
AITA for undermining my ex and continuing to let his parents favour our son over his half-sister? | my ex cheated on me while i was pregnant with our son. he only told me because he got his now wife pregnant and had no choice. he wanted us to work things out but i knew i couldn’t play stepmom to his love child so i chose to divorce him for my own sanity.
our families were very close. my late dad was his dad’s best friend and i grew up considering them like second parents. we’ve remained close even after the divorce.
they spoil my son a lot. they constantly buy him gifts, they pay for his school and all of his activities, they pay so that i can take him on vacation every year, etc. they don’t do these things for my ex’s daughter and it’s causing jealousy between the kids.
my ex banned them from buying our son gifts or paying for his school as they were blatantly favouring our son. so, his parents called me and asked if they could see my son when he was with me to give him his gifts and if i would let them continue to pay for his school., which i agreed to.
my ex and his wife found out and are now pissed at me. apparently, my son was rubbing it in their daughter’s face that their grandparents love him more. they want the three of us to figure out a way forward but i don’t see how this is my problem.
aita? | 4,001 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sewjv1/aita_for_undermining_my_ex_and_continuing_to_let/ | 2022-01-28 17:57:38 | esh.
him for the cheating.
the gp for playing favorites.
you for not teaching your kid to be more graceful and getting the kids to hate each other because their father is an asshole. | esh.
>apparently, my son was rubbing it in their daughter’s face that their grandparents love him more.
nope, sorry, that *is* very much your problem. your ex's daughter didn't ask to be born into this mess, and if you're not going to stand up to her grandparents' favoritism, the least you can do is ensure he doesn't act like a spoiled brat about it. | **yta for raising a child who is spiteful and cruel for literally no reason to his sibling who has done absolutely nothing to deserve it, and for not seeing why this is a problem. you are encouraging the worst possible traits in your son out of resentment for your ex, but in the end it's not your ex who you're hurting with this, it's your son and another innocent child.**
i would honestly have applauded you for the first half of this - for maintaining a good relationship with your ex's parents, for keeping them in your child's life; and there's absolutely nothing wrong with allowing them to give your son gifts or contribute financially to your lives if they can afford to and want to.
**where you completely lost me, and became an abject and utter ah, is in allowing your son to bully his half-sister in such a shocking and cruel manner that he is literally telling her that their grandparents love him more. what is wrong with you?** do you like that your child is becoming hateful & vicious to another child who is suffering at the hands of the adults in her life - the only sibling he has?
whatever resentments and anger there are, that should stay between the adults here. you refusing to intervene is supporting his behaviour. **yta for not caring that your child is a bully. that's beyond messed up.** | esh
your ex has no say in what gifts you accept for your son. you can let them see your son when he is with you as much as you wish. that's between you and them.
that said, the grandparents should not be favoring one grandchild over the other. it's not like the other one is any less deserving, the girl is innocent and is no way to blame for her father's misdeeds. but this is between them and has nothing to do with you and your son and is not your concern.
where you do go wrong, and go wrong *massively*, is allowing your child be horrible to his half sister about it. you, as a parent, need to step in and raise your child better. your child acting like brat is absolutely your problem, and you have a responsibility to correct this. this should have been what you asked aita about, not something hidden in the bottom of the post. as it is, being dismissive of your kid's mistreatment of his sister, makes you a bad mom. | he made his bed now he can lie in it. he has a double income family he is welcome to step up and pay for those items himself. he can also own up to why the grandparents are helping the ex-wife.
your son should be talked to about rubbing it in step sisters face but the grandparents have no obligation to not continue what they have been doing for their grandson.
nta | eh yta with the last line. how old is your kid? you should be teaching him not to rub it in his sister's face. he is being a huge asshole by doing that. all of the issues wouldn't exist if your son wasn't bragging about things. | nta. maybe your ex should question himself why his parents help with his first son... dont know the details but im gonna guess he does nothing to help finance his son. he is the ah.
he and his wife can pay for his daughters school activities and so on...
also congratz to him for being an *awesome dad* (irony) to his first kid, demanding "equal treatment for the kids" when he probably does not offer it. he is just butthurt that his parents are doing what he was suposed to be doing
you do need to talk to your son though, i get it, he is probably teasing his step-sister because she might be poking him too, maybe rubbing in his face that "dad choose her mommy"? i dunno, thats an exchange i can totally see happening. but he does not need to fall into her trap. teach him to ignore any pokings from her, but if he doesnt, well he is a kid...
_personal story here_
i have an older half-brother, he is from my dads first marriage, they divorced and when he (brother) was 6 my dad met my mom, got married 2 years later there i was... even without any "special treatment" from dads family, my brother still resented me, in his eyes i was the reason why my dad wasnt with his mom, he was also jealous because i got to spend all the time i wanted with our dad since he lived with us...
that did not make him an ah.... and we get along just fine now. theres still some resentment between us on his side, but he knows how to deal with it now...
i find it absurd people saying your raising an ah... he is a kid that is probably hurt... do everyone forget how it was like being a child having all those fellings and not knowing how to deal with them? hell... some us still dont know how to even as adults ffs
edited for grammar correction
edited #2 thanks for the award <3 | nta, your relationship/your sons relations with your ex’s parents exist outside of his relationship with them. the fact they don’t treat his daughter well has zero to do with you and is 100% between them.
also why is it up to you to punish your son when he’s rude at his dads house? doesn’t his dad parent him? his house his rules so he deals with it. | nta.
i see a lot of people giving you a hard time but they’re judging you right away saying “you let your son bully his half sister”. op doesn’t “let” it happen and she is saying “it’s not her problem” the grandparents are spoiling her son. i don’t think it is. yeah it sucks for the half sister. yes the son needs to learn to be nice (again i don’t think she encourages her son to be mean!). it is not the half sister’s fault, i feel for her. she didn’t ask to be involved in the horrible life that is her dad and mom. as a mom, yeah i would welcome gifts for my son. of course i would! it’s not my position to dictate what ex husband, his wife, their daughter, and their grandparents do! i’m really astounded at how many people are attacking op. | op said in a comment that they’re trying to make sure he has more than her. sounds to me like a fucked up way to punish a child for the actions of someone else. | ESH | ESH | YTA | ESH | NTA | YTA | NTA | NTA | NTA | null | 0.770882 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex cheated on me while i was pregnant with our son. he only told me because he got his now wife pregnant and had no choice. he wanted us to work things out but i knew i couldn’t play stepmom to his love child so i chose to divorce him for my own sanity. our families were very close. my late dad was his dad’s best friend and i grew up considering them like second parents. we’ve remained close even after the divorce. they spoil my son a lot. they constantly buy him gifts, they pay for his school and all of his activities, they pay so that i can take him on vacation every year, etc. they don’t do these things for my ex’s daughter and it’s causing jealousy between the kids. my ex banned them from buying our son gifts or paying for his school as they were blatantly favouring our son. so, his parents called me and asked if they could see my son when he was with me to give him his gifts and if i would let them continue to pay for his school., which i agreed to. my ex and his wife found out and are now pissed at me. apparently, my son was rubbing it in their daughter’s face that their grandparents love him more. they want the three of us to figure out a way forward but i don’t see how this is my problem. aita? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex cheated on me while i was pregnant with our son. he only told me because he got his now wife pregnant and had no choice. he wanted us to work things out but i knew i couldn’t play stepmom to his love child so i chose to divorce him for my own sanity. our families were very close. my late dad was his dad’s best friend and i grew up considering them like second parents. we’ve remained close even after the divorce. they spoil my son a lot. they constantly buy him gifts, they pay for his school and all of his activities, they pay so that i can take him on vacation every year, etc. they don’t do these things for my ex’s daughter and it’s causing jealousy between the kids. my ex banned them from buying our son gifts or paying for his school as they were blatantly favouring our son. so, his parents called me and asked if they could see my son when he was with me to give him his gifts and if i would let them continue to pay for his school., which i agreed to. my ex and his wife found out and are now pissed at me. apparently, my son was rubbing it in their daughter’s face that their grandparents love him more. they want the three of us to figure out a way forward but i don’t see how this is my problem. aita? [/INST] esh. him for the cheating. the gp for playing favorites. you for not teaching your kid to be more graceful and getting the kids to hate each other because their father is an asshole. </s> |
AITA for not discipling my daughter more for what she said to my wife (Her stepmom) | my wife and i have been married for years and i married her 2 years after my late wife passed. my late wife and i had one daughter who is now 17 and my current wife had 3 kids from her previous marriage (21f, 23,m, 25m). we have one kid together
my daughter has never accepted my wife because she doesn't approve of me "replacing her mom" i told her she doesn't have to like my wife, but will be respecting her and listening to her as an adult in the home. my daughter started listening to my wife and doing things like chores when she asked but refused to do anything fun that my wife offered to do. it made my wife feel like an evil stepmom and basically they are civil but not close at all. my wife's kids have had some unfortunate circumstances that have led them to do drugs. they have been in and out of rehab.
my wife asked my daughter if she wanted her to go dress shopping with her and my daughter said no and that she was going with her friend and her mom (very politely). my wife kept pushing said it could be a good time and my daughter told her she doesn't "want someone who raised a bunch of junkies to replace her mom"
my wife started sobbing and i reminded my daughter that addiction was a disease and she will not be leaving until she apologized and that i was taking her car for a month. my daughter apologized and my wife said i should have punished her more. i said i gave her a long enough apology and that she was polite at first but that my wife kept pushing.
so aita for how i handled the situation? | 1,785 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q3r2tx/aita_for_not_discipling_my_daughter_more_for_what/ | 2021-10-08 05:18:30 | esh. your wife kept pushing despite being turned down. your daughter had a right to snap a little, but that was a really cheap blow. you suck for not stopping your wife after your daughter said no ( which you admit she was polite about ). your daughter has boundaries, your wife failed to respect them, you failed to protect them. having her apologize for her cruel remark is the only thing she should have to do, you shouldn’t be taking her car for a month. | i think the bigger issue is that you seem to be ignoring the fact your daughter feels like you've replaced her mom. family therapy might be beneficial for everyone, including your wife. | esh. your daughter shouldn’t have weaponized addiction like that. but i can understand her anger. sometimes the only why to make people leave you alone is to say respond like she did.
the biggest issue here is that you and stepmom make rules and establish boundaries for your daughter to respect but don’t respect her boundaries. no means no. step mom should not “keep pushing”. you aren’t protecting your daughter and are putting your wife first. reduce the grounding and be sure stepmom understands “no” is not negotiable. | your daughter wasn't in the right to say what she did, but your wife provoked the situation by pressing the point when it was clear your daughter wasn't interested. she should be more than happy with the punishment you've set down. you've talked to your daughter about being civil, but have you spoken to your wife about respecting your daughter's feelings about her? this needs to be addressed to avoid this happening in future. | yta. and i'm going with this because you're valuing your wife's feelings over your daughter's.
your wife has zero respect for your daughter's boundaries, but you expect your daughter to respect your wife? nope.
i imagine she snapped because your wife refuses to listen. your daughter has made it clear she doesn't want a relationship with your wife, so why are you not stepping in and telling her to back the fuck off? | yta. am i reading correctly that not only did you remarry pretty quickly (in my opinion) but also you brought 3 addicts into your daughter’s home? at the very least it sounds like you created a stressful and chaotic home for your daughter. you allow your wife to pester your daughter. it is not your daughter’s job to make your wife happy. you are failing your daughter. | 1. your wife raised 3 junkies - do you think her parenting had no role in that?
2. you were remarried within 2 years… yuk
3. your wife hasn’t apologised for stomping all over your daughters boundaries
4. the punishment was extreme
honestly i’d be astounded if you are still in your daughters life in 5 years time | what your daughter said wasn’t okay but your wife antagonized her. you said your daughter politely declined. if your wife would’ve respected your daughter she wouldn’t have got her feelings hurt. again, i don’t think what she said was okay but people don’t react positively when they feel like they’re backed into a corner. your daughter owed your wife an apology for sure, but your wife owes your daughter one too. i wouldn’t have taken her car or punished her further. respect goes both ways and your wife crossed the line first. nta for the apology but yta for not seeing your wife needs to apologize to your daughter as well. | esh. your wife cornered your daughter and she lashed out with some pretty harsh words to escape the situation because she already politely said ‘no.’ it’s obvious your wife wants a warm relationship with your daughter, but you daughter doesnt (which is her right). the best relationship your wife will get from your daughter is an impassive relationship. you made your daughter apologize, but she didnt mean it. what’s the point of an apology when you’re forcing her to say it? | op, your daughter truthfully should not have to listen to anything your wife tells her. she doesn’t have to respect her as a parent. yes, she needs to have respect for her as a person. not as a parent.
i say this to help you. if you try and push your daughter into having a relationship with your wife or she’ll be punished? (yes, she will correlate this punishment with not going out with your wife) she’s gonna drop you like it’s hot.
both you and your wife are assholes here. yes, i’m glad your daughter apologized. but she shouldn’t have had to be put in that position in the first place! and a month long punishment for mouthing off after having her boundaries repeatedly violated is ridiculous. the fact your wife wants more punishment is even worse.
stand by your daughter, op. yta | ESH | null | ESH | null | YTA | YTA | null | NTA | ESH | YTA | 0.163663 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have been married for years and i married her 2 years after my late wife passed. my late wife and i had one daughter who is now 17 and my current wife had 3 kids from her previous marriage (21f, 23,m, 25m). we have one kid together my daughter has never accepted my wife because she doesn't approve of me "replacing her mom" i told her she doesn't have to like my wife, but will be respecting her and listening to her as an adult in the home. my daughter started listening to my wife and doing things like chores when she asked but refused to do anything fun that my wife offered to do. it made my wife feel like an evil stepmom and basically they are civil but not close at all. my wife's kids have had some unfortunate circumstances that have led them to do drugs. they have been in and out of rehab. my wife asked my daughter if she wanted her to go dress shopping with her and my daughter said no and that she was going with her friend and her mom (very politely). my wife kept pushing said it could be a good time and my daughter told her she doesn't "want someone who raised a bunch of junkies to replace her mom" my wife started sobbing and i reminded my daughter that addiction was a disease and she will not be leaving until she apologized and that i was taking her car for a month. my daughter apologized and my wife said i should have punished her more. i said i gave her a long enough apology and that she was polite at first but that my wife kept pushing. so aita for how i handled the situation? | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been married for years and i married her 2 years after my late wife passed. my late wife and i had one daughter who is now 17 and my current wife had 3 kids from her previous marriage (21f, 23,m, 25m). we have one kid together my daughter has never accepted my wife because she doesn't approve of me "replacing her mom" i told her she doesn't have to like my wife, but will be respecting her and listening to her as an adult in the home. my daughter started listening to my wife and doing things like chores when she asked but refused to do anything fun that my wife offered to do. it made my wife feel like an evil stepmom and basically they are civil but not close at all. my wife's kids have had some unfortunate circumstances that have led them to do drugs. they have been in and out of rehab. my wife asked my daughter if she wanted her to go dress shopping with her and my daughter said no and that she was going with her friend and her mom (very politely). my wife kept pushing said it could be a good time and my daughter told her she doesn't "want someone who raised a bunch of junkies to replace her mom" my wife started sobbing and i reminded my daughter that addiction was a disease and she will not be leaving until she apologized and that i was taking her car for a month. my daughter apologized and my wife said i should have punished her more. i said i gave her a long enough apology and that she was polite at first but that my wife kept pushing. so aita for how i handled the situation? [/INST] esh. your wife kept pushing despite being turned down. your daughter had a right to snap a little, but that was a really cheap blow. you suck for not stopping your wife after your daughter said no ( which you admit she was polite about ). your daughter has boundaries, your wife failed to respect them, you failed to protect them. having her apologize for her cruel remark is the only thing she should have to do, you shouldn’t be taking her car for a month. </s> |
WIBTA if I stand back while my sister makes an expensive mistake? | my younger sister is buying a house for the first time. she asked me and our dad for advice, since we both have relevant experience. and we both think the house she's in love with is has serious problems and she shouldn't buy it. she listened to what we had to say but it looks like she's going ahead with the purchase anyway.
it's relevant that we're immigrants with a more tight-knit family structure that most americans, but my sister was born in the usa and she's definitely on the american side of this cultural barrier. so our dad keeps trying to change her mind about this house but she's used to tuning him out; i expect she'll just block him on her phone if he doesn't leave her alone.
i personally prefer the close-knit family structure but i'm americanized enough to understand what she expects, so in the past i didn't keep bothering her like our dad did. this means she listens to me a lot more carefully than she does to him. now he says i should keep bothering her - maybe if she sees that even i'm freaking out about this house, she won't buy it.
aita if i leave her alone? i tell my dad that the reason i don't want to bother her is to save my influence for something really important. but this seems really important - she could lose tens of thousands of dollars. the truth is that i just don't like saying the same thing over and over to someone who doesn't want to hear it, but that's a pretty selfish reason... | 761 | https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j3bq66/wibta_if_i_stand_back_while_my_sister_makes_an/ | 2020-10-01 16:19:36 | info: what are the issues with the house? | i might give it one last ditch effort, tell her you support her decision either way but you have concerns for the following reasons (whatever those reasons are). you are right that pestering her will not yield the results you want; she will tune you out and buy the house anyway.
sometimes you just have let people make mistakes and suffer the consequences.
nta. | ywnbta - i would reach out once more with something along the lines of, i know i have given you my opinion on the house before but if you truly plan on buying it please have a professional look at these issues a,b,c etc so you can make an informed decision. good luck with your purchase. | ywbta, i'm afraid. if you're aware of specific things that are wrong with this house, you should list them for her so she understands that these are concrete issues that could cost her more than she can afford. this is why she asked for advice from people she trusts who have more experience. once you've given that warning, you can absolutely step back and let her make her own decisions (and beyond that, you can also then refuse to bail her out if she pushes on and gets in over her head). | info: what are the serious problems? because if she's getting a home loan then she'll need a home inspection and any serious issues will be revealed before she actually buys it. | if you're really concerned, you can send her copies of the bills you paid to repair your termite-damaged house so that she can see with her own eyes how much it'll cost and so can make a more informed decision, and then if you want to drop the topic after that, do so.
then tell your father to stop nagging you. wth.
nta. | ywnbta - she's an adult, you are an adult. you've given your honest opinion has she has considered it and made a decision.
you should proceed no further unless she asks. its a credit to you that you are worried about her, it sound like you have reason. but at the end of the day, its her choice. all you can do is be there if it goes to heck later. continuing on trying to convince her is crossing her boundaries, ones she's clearly putting up against your father. if you cross that line, you'll just be there with him. long term you will have better relationship and be able to help her more by respecting her boundaries. i hope it all works out for her and for you.
nta | this has nothing to do with being an asshole and everything to do with your future relationship with your sister.
i am an architect who specializes in renovation. my brother bought a house. he didn't show me the house report at the time because i would have raised the red flag that the inspector raised. years go by, he has to re-wire the house (the inspector should have caught this, but didn't). more years go by and half the house is sinking. the dining room floor is turning into a bowl. above that, the master bedroom has a step between it and the hallway that wasn't there when they bought the house. my brother asks me for help. i end up crawling around on my belly under his house. i make suggestions to shore up the structure and even offer to help with the labor if he diy's it to save money. my brother ignores me. long story short, house ends up being a terrible decision and he eventually gets rid of it at a loss to himself. i did not offer advice at any point if he didn't ask me for it. if he ignored my advice, i didn't bring it up again. i also have never said "told ya so!"
years later, brother goes to buy a new house. i get the inspection report. i bring up my concerns (just because i point things out doesn't mean you shouldn't buy it, it just means you should budget for it). he checks every single one of them and budgets for it. now, when he asks for my advice in my expertise he follows it.
your sister asked for your advice. she is choosing to ignore it. that just means that she needs to learn the hard way. keep your mouth shut. don't say "i told you so." someday, she will likely take your advice seriously. but not today.
stay out of it. when it goes badly, be very supportive, but don't ever make it your problem. | null | null | INFO | NTA | NTA | YTA | INFO | NTA | NTA | null | null | null | 0.237855 | Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my younger sister is buying a house for the first time. she asked me and our dad for advice, since we both have relevant experience. and we both think the house she's in love with is has serious problems and she shouldn't buy it. she listened to what we had to say but it looks like she's going ahead with the purchase anyway. it's relevant that we're immigrants with a more tight-knit family structure that most americans, but my sister was born in the usa and she's definitely on the american side of this cultural barrier. so our dad keeps trying to change her mind about this house but she's used to tuning him out; i expect she'll just block him on her phone if he doesn't leave her alone. i personally prefer the close-knit family structure but i'm americanized enough to understand what she expects, so in the past i didn't keep bothering her like our dad did. this means she listens to me a lot more carefully than she does to him. now he says i should keep bothering her - maybe if she sees that even i'm freaking out about this house, she won't buy it. aita if i leave her alone? i tell my dad that the reason i don't want to bother her is to save my influence for something really important. but this seems really important - she could lose tens of thousands of dollars. the truth is that i just don't like saying the same thing over and over to someone who doesn't want to hear it, but that's a pretty selfish reason... | <s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my younger sister is buying a house for the first time. she asked me and our dad for advice, since we both have relevant experience. and we both think the house she's in love with is has serious problems and she shouldn't buy it. she listened to what we had to say but it looks like she's going ahead with the purchase anyway. it's relevant that we're immigrants with a more tight-knit family structure that most americans, but my sister was born in the usa and she's definitely on the american side of this cultural barrier. so our dad keeps trying to change her mind about this house but she's used to tuning him out; i expect she'll just block him on her phone if he doesn't leave her alone. i personally prefer the close-knit family structure but i'm americanized enough to understand what she expects, so in the past i didn't keep bothering her like our dad did. this means she listens to me a lot more carefully than she does to him. now he says i should keep bothering her - maybe if she sees that even i'm freaking out about this house, she won't buy it. aita if i leave her alone? i tell my dad that the reason i don't want to bother her is to save my influence for something really important. but this seems really important - she could lose tens of thousands of dollars. the truth is that i just don't like saying the same thing over and over to someone who doesn't want to hear it, but that's a pretty selfish reason... [/INST] info: what are the issues with the house? </s> |
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