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This conflict is pretty recent. I (f29) used to use tampons for my periods but due to medical reasons couldn't do it anymore. now I'm using pads which isn't that big of a deal but my husband disagrees. He firstly complained about me not "consulting" him first but like I said it's not a huge deal like BC. He then said he doesn't feel comfortable with me sleeping in bed wearing pads. this threw me off hard because I wasn't expecting him to have an issue on that regard, but he said it just doesn't feel comfortable *for him* and he would like me to use tampons at nighttime or sleep somewhere else. I laughed him off and kept sleeping on the bed while wearing my pads like there was no issue. This made him so uncomfortable he basically took the couch then started complaining about how I forced him on the couch by making him uncomfortable after he already offered me compromises. but I told him he was being a drama queen because his compromises are illogical, I wouldn't stop using pads and free bleed on the bed nor risk my health and use tampons when the doctor advised again them. he's still upset with me even though I'm no longer on my period saying I owe him for making him uncomfortable and brushing off his complaints. | Go buy a new bed...
In a new house...with a new husband.
NTA |
My lovely girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months. She slept over at my place last night, and in the morning she woke me up saying she had went out and brought back a couple of lattes and pastries from a coffee shop around the corner from my apartment for breakfast.
My issue with this is that my apartment has a two factor entry, first my student ID to scan in and then my key to get back into the apartment (it auto locks).
I asked her how she was able to get back into the apartment and she said that she grabbed my keychain (which has my ID on it in a wallet type thing) before heading out to buy us breakfast so she would be able to get back in. I told her that I didn’t appreciate her violating my privacy like that, and she got upset, saying that she was just trying to do something nice for me. We started to fight about it and I ended up asking her to leave.
Since then, she hasn’t answered any of my texts or calls. When I told my roommate about this he said that I was the asshole because she did something thoughtful for me and I yelled at her about it. I think she was violating my privacy by stealing my keys. AITA?
Edit: I thought it was weird that she took my keys without asking, they could have gotten stolen or something while she was out, I get that she was being nice but why couldn’t she have asked??
Edit 2: and no she still hasn’t responded to me
Edit: I’m at work now obsessing but I know that I screwed up. I had a bad experience with privacy in my last relationship and i guess I’m projecting or something. And no, my girlfriend hasn’t responded to any of my voicemails or texts besides sending back money I tried to send her for the breakfast last night but she might not be awake yet, it’s early in my time zone
Final edit because people keep messaging me: long story short, she texted me and we met for coffee earlier this afternoon. I brought her flowers and apologized for being insane. We had a long talk about my privacy issues from my last relationship. She chose not to break up with me, she will be getting lots of dates and back rubs in the future.
Also, I am already in therapy but thanks for suggesting it | Oh man! I hope this red flag is enough of a warning for her.
Edit: YTA |
The original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcxvc2/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_sell\_my\_rental\_properties\_at/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fcxvc2/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_my_rental_properties_at/)
So, 'the conversation' didn't happen until the weekend of the 14th of March. Life got in the way.
It started fine, but quickly went south and ended in a big fight that degenerated into a lot of petty shit-slinging by the end. She accused me of not trusting her (fair) and I pointed out that her habits make it basically impossible to trust her with money anyway...probably not my proudest moment. But, I did again make it clear in no uncertain terms that the properties are staying in the LLC and I won't sell them, and that the financial decisions regarding them would be mine alone. I may have also had a few choice words about the princess-for-a-day wedding she wanted.
After a couple of weeks of avoiding each other, and not talking, and me sleeping in the basement of the townhouse, I said I wanted to hit the pause button and leave for a while. She was upset but didn't say much. I loaded up my things and went to my parents' house and told them what happened. They told me I could stay as long as I needed.
Somewhere near the end of April, I got a call from her dad out of the blue (what the hell) demanding to know what was going on and why I'd broken things off. I tried to explain what had been going on but he was the angry dad of an upset young woman and i don't think much got through. That call ended with him calling me a scumbag and hanging up on me. I've only had a few properly long-term relationships end in my lifetime, but that's the first time I've had an angry father yell at me about one.
There's been no contact since. I'm sad that just over four years of my life with someone went up in smoke like this, but that's the way she goes I guess. My parents didn't seem very surprised when I showed up, so maybe I really was the last one to know what was going on, like so many redditors were pointing out.
For some good news, and also the thing that reminded me to update my reddit post, is that yesterday I bought another house, one for me to live in. A tiny little brick postwar brick ranch in an old subdivision about 20 minutes from my rentals. It needs work but I'm looking forward to having a prjoect to take my mind off things. It's going to be strange living on my own again, but I think I'll manage. | Jesus, if my new partner and spouse to be had basically a third income I would be high fiving every fucker I met about how lucky we were.
Damn dude, good job getting out of that one. It must be really hard seeing 4 years disappear, but sometimes we don't see the real person until it is too late |
I (f27) went to a job interview for a potential job opportunity at this company. The interviewer, we'll call him "Eddie" (30ish) welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. First thing he did was look at my CV then started asking me questions that seemed a little to personal and unrelated to the job. like if I was in a relationship, wether my eye color was "real" or just 'lenses", also asked about how I spend my time when "alone" and what type of dudes I like. Like legit personal questions. Don't know if he was testing how I react but I kept it cool til he asked me the question of what my greatest weakness was. I responded by saying "keeping up with your inappropriate questions and answering them politely!". He looked at me upset and then told me I had an "attitude". it was clear that the interview was over. He told me I didn't get the job which I found unfair because I don't think I desreved to lose the job over what? nothing. I got into an argument with him then told him I was going to report him.
I went to speak to the supervisor and filed a complaint against Eddie. the supervisor apologized to me and tried to reschedule a new interview but I was hasitant about it. Later I was told that Eddie got fired which made me feel guilty. My mom and dad agreed that his questions were inappropriate but said that I went too far by reporting him and having him fired. Eddie tried contacting me via email saying that what I did could've been resolved between us and even said he could've arranged a new interview for me but I "ruined" it for myself and cost him his job.
AITA? | NTA
Notify the company that Eddie used your application info to contact you after he was fired. That is a major security/liability issue for them. Keep a record of all contact in case this guy turns out to be a stalker. |
I want to start by saying that I F25 don't have the best relationship with my mom. I have an older sister and growing up my mom always tended to control me and tried to override any decisions I make saying that I was young and naive and she always knew better. I cut contact with her for a few months after she tried to get involved in my marriage. My husband and I been together for 3 years and he has always been telling me to be more gentle with my mom.
I had a miscarriage a few days ago. It's devastating and I really thought it'll get easier but I'm still feeling excruciating pain and frustration. We were happy and excited but all that disappeared suddenly and it was hard for me to take because I thought everything was fine. I didn't tell anyone especially since I'm currently dealing with some health issues.
I didn't tell anyone in the family. My husband promised not to tell until I'm ready. My mom kept asking me questions and brought up my pregnancy constantly and my answers were short. Because I didn't want her to know since she'd call everybody and let them know. She's always like this that's why I tend to keep things private
I decided to not visit for a couple of days hoping she'd stop asking questions. Then I found out on FB that my mom announced my miscarriage on her page and I didn't know about that I was shocked I freaked out when I started getting calls from family members and I have no idea how many people knew about it. I was so mad to the point of shaking. Everyone kept berating me for not telling them.
I called my mom and I yelled at her. she defended herself saying that she was just looking for support and that I should've told her about it first time she asked what was wrong. I asked her who told her and she said she had a talk with my doctor but I shouldn't be mad because she's my mom and she had the right to know what's going on. I argued with her about getting involved in my personal life and disregarding my feelings and cutting me off guard like that.
I went to the doctor and I lashed out at her for releasing my private medical information to my mom and causing me to deal with everyone asking why I was hiding my miscarriage from them even though I was just waiting for the right time. I told my doctor that I was going to file a complaint against her the same day since she didn't respect my privacy and decided to give my mom information about my medical records.
My mom heard and started berating me saying it wasn't the doctor's fault and that she was a friend of hers she knew year's ago but I didn't know about it. She said that I went too far and acted like my family were strangers. She said that she's my mom and I didn't need to overreact like that. All I needed was time and space now I have to deal with all this stress and I'm a mess right now.
* My brother texted me a few minutes ago and said he wants to come over and talk to me. He was the first to call me and berated me and said that I was being hostile towards everyone for no reason. I haven't replied to his text yet but I don't want to see anyone right now. I can't take one more word from them. | NTA. they violated HIPAA. Report them.
Nothing else matters. this is a violation of law, and you are suffering hardship due to it.
(edit: typo)
(edit 2: i'm informed you can't sue so changed to report) |
My 10 year old son had to watch some snoopy cartoon in class during which woodstock eats a roast turkey. The teacher told the class that this is fictional, and that birds don't eat other birds. My son corrected her and said something along the lines of "my uncle trains falcons to hunt other birds at the airport to protect the airplanes"
The teacher got upset said he was "disrespectful" and "talking back" and sent him to the principal's office. I got called and they explained hte situation, that he corrected the teacher. I said "well was he right?" and the principal said "it doesn't matter, this was rude and you need to teach your son show some respect to authority" and I told the principal "I'm not going to punish my son or make him apologize if he was right, maybe your teacher should be better educated"
The principal looked a bit shocked and just told me to leave. Fine by me. Really reconsidering this school. | >respect authority
They revealed their true agenda. Not education, obedience. NTA |
So recently I found out my son "Jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls I'll call "Ashley" that's in his friend group. I know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended Jacob's birthday party a month ago. She seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. So when my oldest son "Mark" (17) came to me and told me Jacob had asked Ashley out on a date as a prank I was stunned.
I of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. But Mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems Jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. I read the long series of messages between Jacob and his friends as they mocked Ashley all through this heartless prank. I was speechless. And that's not even getting into HOW he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community.
At first I couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. I'll admit that I never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. But there was no way in hell I was letting this go. So after a day of thought I decided what was going to happen. First things first, he was grounded, for how long I'm not sure. Secondly, I'd gotten Jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and I'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party.
But instead of that I showed him I knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then I made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to Ashley's house, him crying the whole way. I'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there I had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. Then in front of me, Ashley, her parents, and God I had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. Even I apologized to her, saying I didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. I also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement.
I felt I'd handled this all as best as I could, and my friends agreed. Though once my parents found out that I'd made Jacob give his birthday gift away they said what I did went too far. I still feel like what I did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how I handled it was too extreme? AITA here? | NTA you did the right thing. If there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is.
That cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man |
I’ve been with my parter for a year now and have met most of his friends. He’s very close to his friend group from high school which I think is very sweet. His best friend is getting married next year, and my bf is one of his groomsmen so we’ve been spending more time with his friend group lately.
I’m admittedly not super keen on one of his friends (S) but I’ve always just chalked it up to personality differences. She’s quite loud and dominates conversation a lot, but it’s not like I don’t like her, I just find her a bit much.
We were in a zoom with bfs friends, shooting shit and the wedding came up. At one point we were talking about outfits etc and S said how much she hates shopping and was dreading going shopping. She made a weird comment about how she’s so not girly and ‘one of the guys’ which I found immature, she’s a grown woman after all, but I didn’t say anything.
S asked if I knew what I was wearing and I said no, but I had planned to go shopping with a friend of mine who also had an event coming up. I was going to ask S if she’d like to come with us, but she interrupted saying ‘Oh, that’s so cute! I just don’t like stuff like that, I don’t hang out with other girls, I just prefer being with the guys.’ Which I found really patronising to be honest. It was clear I was annoyed, and the conversation kind of took a turn.
Me: So you have never had a friendship with another woman before?
S: No I have, I just find a lot of girls petty and catty, don’t you?
Me: No I don’t. I’m friends with lots of women, we compliment each other, go shopping together and occasionally share pastries sometimes.
S: Oh I could never, girls always talk behind my back!
Me: You know, if every single relationship you’ve ever had with another woman has gone sour, there’s a common denominator there, and it’s not the fact that they’re other women, it’s probably you.
A couple others laughed, and tried to move onto a different topic of conversation, but it was clear S was angry. She logged off early and later texted my boyfriend and said I was way out of line. He replied and told her he didn’t think so, and if she was one of the guys she should be used to a bit of gentle ribbing every now and then.
I feel a bit bad because all though I felt hurt by her comments, she seems quite insecure to me, plus it’s not really my friendship group so I may have been a bit over bearing. AITA? | NTA
She seems like one of the 'im not like other girls' which is so not a nice personality trait. She was out of line for making comments about your friendships but when u said something about hers she is acting so hurt by them, that is not okay. She was saying it in front of every one, i believe all or mostly guys(in the friendgroup) how she likes to hang out more with boys than girls, making her seem(in my opinion)like she is better than you because of it. Maybe she is jealous of you if she was the only girl in the friendgroup and now you are aswell, so she wants them to think that she is better than you. Idk i just see it as she like shaming you which is not okay, and what you said isnt that hurtful if it is true.
Edit: spelling
Edit2: spelling again, btw thanks for all of the upvotes :) |
My wife and I got married 2 weeks ago. We wanted a child-free wedding so we've let everyone know my family/inlaws/friends and relatives and everyone was okay with it. Except for my family. I have 3 sisters all with kids from 2-10. My mom said it was illogical to not allow kids since (1 this never happened in the family and (2 my sisters live towns away so the kids can't be left alone. After a lot of arguing and others getting involved. I stood my ground and they agreed to not bring kids.
At the wedding no one brought kids. My parents and aunts were already there. But then I saw my 2 sisters arriving with their kids. I immediately went to ask what's the deal. They began arguing with me when I said I won't be letting them in with the kids. I saw My older sister came with her kids in the car I was pissed I asked why they decided to go against the rule and bring kids. My mom started yelling at me when I told my sisters they weren't allowed in with the kids. Everyone was yelling at me I had to get the security involved to make them leave. My parents and aunt left shortly after.
They were so pissed at me. I got nasty texts later and my cousin posted about my "shitty wedding" on fb.
Days later. I've gathered the family and explained that what they did was wrong. I asked If I allowed my sisters with their kids what message does that send to my inlaws and friends who wanted to bring kids but they couldn't? My sisters argued with me and it turned out my mom told them to bring their kids and she'd deal with me later. I told them they could've arranged for a babysitter but my mom said they wanted to celebrate as a whole family. Said that I ruined my own wedding by making a scene. And everyone will always remember my wedding as a disaster, a shitshow because of mine and my wife's child-free bull. They said the only way to fix it is to have another wedding/party and include everyone especially kids- I called them unreasonable. I asked mom where TF she got the nerve to even demand that?. They blamed my wife and claimed it was deliberate.
I left. They started talking to my wife trying to convince her that they don't approve of what happened and that they're giving us the chance to fix the situation otherwise the relationship is damaged. This caused me a headache and I don't think what I did was wrong. I just wanted them to have some respect for my wife and her family. | NTA - Your wedding, you set the rules and the guest list. Kids weren’t on it. They broke the rules intentionally and they suffered the consequences. Stand your ground. |
At my 1yo child's birthday some relative gave him 200$. (I) said I'll take it and (R)elative denied. I: don't worry, I spend it on him or put it in his saving account; R: no, i want to give him money myself; I: *surprised pikachu face* that's not the best idea, he will eat it or something; R: but that's his money and i want him to have it. At this point I'm just tired of this fruitless conversation and said sure, go ahead. And then i watched my son grabbing this money, rotate it in his little hands and tear it to pieces in like 3 sec. Relative called me names because "I knew it's gonna happen" and i obviously knew so i couldn't denied. But really is it that shocking, he's 1 for fuck sake and I told her to not give him this money
(On mobile and not native speaker, of course it wasn't 200$ but equivalent in my currency) | NTA. I mean, you told him not to give it to her, what did he think you were trying to do? |
7 years ago I was married and expecting a baby when things went horribly wrong. Around 10 weeks into my pregnancy I suffered a miscarriage and then I returned home to find my husband in bed with my sister. The two of them tried to apologize and convince me that we could all get over it. But I wanted nothing to do with either of them and even less so when I found out she had gotten pregnant. My divorce was finalized quickly because I wanted nothing from him other than the divorce and was willing to leave the marriage with nothing but the clothes on my back.
Pretty early I realized my parents were hoping I would want to still be part of the baby's life but I wanted nothing to do with the baby my sister conceived while sleeping with my husband (now ex) as I lay in hospital losing my own pregnancy. I refused any and all contact with my sister and ex. They married and had two more children after the one she concieved during my marriage to him.
I met my current husband when I had distanced myself from my whole family and he was amazing and his family were great. We got married two years ago and his family are nothing short of the best. I adore the nieces and nephews I have gained through my marriage to him and we spend a lot of time together.
Around three months ago my sister called me at work (using my work phone) and told me she needed me and could I please come to her. I hung up the phone and continued about my day. It was several hours later that I got a message from my parents saying I needed to be with my sister. A few days later I got another call and was told my sister had been pregnant, the baby passed away inside of her and she delivered a stillborn all while he was out sleeping with someone else. My parents and sister expected me to rally around her and I didn't. Now that some time has passed and she lives with them, I have been inundated with them saying I should meet her kids, be there for them like I am my husband's nieces and nephews and that I should reconcile with the family. My sister told me how sorry she was again and that she wanted us to make up. I told the three of them that she and her kids are not my problem and I still want nothing to do with them.
My parents are furious and they say I need to forgive because whatever she did, she is now suffering worse than would ever be deserved and her kids are innocent and deserve an aunt.
AITA? | NTA. Your sister fucked around, and now she's finding out.
I'm incredibly sorry that either of you had to go through any of that, both the miscarriage/stillbirth and the cheating, but this is karma wrapped in a big fucking bow.
Edited to add: I am not downplaying the horror of miscarriage/stillbirth, nor would I ever wish it upon anyone. It is one of the worst things a human can go through. My comment was more aimed at the cheating aspect, and the fact that the two situations are so damn similar. Although I will add that I'm wondering what the hell kind of man sees his wife in hospital losing her baby and thinks it's the perfect time for a hookup.
Adding again: thanks for all the awards and upvotes!! ❤️ |
My (18M) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if I was an unwanted pregnancy.
I don't remember when exactly I was told, but I always knew that I would be expected to move out as soon as I reached 18 years old. I have been working and saving since I turned 13 and have a respectable ammount in a savings account.
Now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive.
A week before my 18th birthday (January 13th) they sat me down and asked if I have found a place to move into yet. I said yes and that was the extent of the conversation.
I was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend's family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). So I jumped at the opportunity even though I know it is a pity offer. It is relevant that both his family and mine are of Indian descent.
I moved out the day after my birthday and my parents haven't contacted me since. I admit that I did not reach out to them too.
Yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. It was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said I don't have to pay them rent or anything. But here's the thing, I like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that I didn't even know was there untill I moved out.
When I said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the "rumour" that they threw me out and another desi family had to take me in.
I said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn't my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions.
Now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying I am being an AH.
So AITA?
Edit: first I want to thank you all for the kind comments and well wishes, I was hesitating for a moment there and you all made me feel so much better about my decision. I read every comment and appreciate every award. Didn't think this post would explode like this but I am happy because of all the nice comments.
To answer a question that was asked by a lot of my fellow desi Redditors: I think my parents thought that I would be moving with strangers and they could say that I was trying to be independent and they were supportive of that. But when I moved with people from the community they couldn't pretend anymore.
Also I think the aunty and uncle I live with are the ones who told people about the situation, they are extremely nice and were very upset about what my parents did. They have offered me to live with them as long as I wish and were not even going to accept any rent except I insisted. | NTA. They don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. Your parents are cold, mean people. Don’t go back for anything. Hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. I’m sorry. You deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far.
ETA: Thanks everyone for the wonderful awards ❤️ |
I f25 am getting married to my fiance "Kevin" next month. My family love Kevin and Kevin loves them. However, my mom is the "brutally honest" type who constantly dish out her opinions and thought on what people wear, how they look, how well off they are... Mostly negative, tasteless, backhanded comments. She says she can't help it and that no one should be offended when she's just being honest.
When she met Kevin, she kept making comments about him, his car, his degree etc. With time and strict conversations I was able to get her to show some respect. But she kept annoying Kevin by constantly talking about his hairless face (his face is clean he doesn't have a beard or mustache which he can be very insecure about, he comes from Irish origins so he's white, he has no facial hair while I'm hispanic) mom made jokes with her husband about how "unmanly" it is to not be able to grow a beard or a mustache. Those comments hurt Kevin so much. I had as very very stern conversation with her and she said "oh I didn't realize those remarks were offending him I was just teasing him" or "you know me I'm just giving my humble, honest opinion so he shouldn't take it personal and should learn that this is how I am". She ended up sincerely apologizing to Kevin and we left it at that.
As the wedding is approaching. Mom decided to give Kevin a wedding gift and also to let him know how sorry she was for her past behavior. She invited the whole family for dinner and decided it was the perfect time to hand Kevin his wedding gift. He thanked her but she insisted that he open it right there and then and show everyone what she got him since she knew him that well already. He opened the box and found a set of shaving tools with a shaving cream. Kevin stopped for a sec and kept staring at the gift. My stepdad took it and showed everyone then mom and others started laughing while stepdad kept saying " you get the joke Kev? You get it?". And my brother running around the table laughing with everyone. Kevin got up and walked out. I was so mad I lost it on mom asking why she did that and humiliated Kevin infront of everyone. She told me to relax she was just messing with him but I said she knew how he felt about this topic and demanded she apologize but she said no since she wasn't responsible for his reaction and thought he was going to laugh along. I angrily said " no apology, no wedding invitation, period" then walked out. She freaked out calling try to say we overreacted to a joke and my brother said I was crazy to exclude mom from my wedding over something so stupid. he said Kevin should get over it since it was a joke but I refused to send an invitation and withheld until/unless she apologizes. They think I'm unreasonable choosing this to be my hill to die on and called me disrespectful for how I treated my mom.
* I'd like to point out that my brother and stepdad and uncle sometimes take part in teasing Kevin. My brother (who's 31 years old) would sometimes either brag about his goatee mustache infront of Kevin or tell an indirect silly joke about this topic wich would irritate Kevin and just spoil any family gathering we have. But mom is the one who started this whole campaigne and I've already had conversations with her about it.
* Kevin is American but has Irish origins. | NTA
Tell your brother, mother etc that the whole wedding was rescheduled and at another venue. When they complain, that they missed your wedding just say "It's just a joke! You should get over it, I was just messing with you" |
My wife and I have been together for six years, she has a thirteen year old and a nine year old. When we first got together they were both still in her bed, they were both relatively small and I worked nights. It was never an issue. Last year I suffered a work injury and now have to sleep on a memory foam mattress.
I assumed by now both kids would of grown out of cosleeping, but obviously havent. I cant comfortably sleep in a bed with two kids, especially because my stepson (nine) is a little ninja. He is constantly kicking during the night.
They will occasionally sleep in their own beds, but very rarely. My stepdaughter is a little better, but stepson will have meltdowns if we try and send him to his own bed.
My wife doesnt believe we should force them out, which I understand, but I cant keep sleeping on the couch when they're in the bed.
A couple days ago I blew up over it. My backs killing, I'm tired.
I essentially told her to take the kids and sleep in one of their beds, I need the comfortable mattress for my back. We never really got to discuss it because stepson got upset and started crying. That night she took the kids to her parents for the night, and back at home she explained that they wouldnt all fit in one of the kids beds.
She agreed that I could have the big bed, but is ordering a memory foam mattress for our sons bed so I can sleep there comfortably. I dont want to sleep in a kids bed; I want my bed, and I'd like to actually spend a night with my wife.
Her parents are on her and the kids side, obviously, but I still dont think I should have to give my bed up for them, in the nicest way possible. I paid for it.
The issue is getting worse, and my in laws are now calling me abusive for trying to take their comforts.
So, am I the asshole?
Important info; both kids and my wife are asd diagnosed, stepson also has adhd. | NTA - I also think it’s problematic for your wife to expect you to sleep, night after night, with a teenage stepdaughter. That aside, kicking you out of your own bed so she can sleep with a teen and a tween is a strange dependency on her part. Is she planning on moving into their dorm rooms or going on their honeymoons in the future. Just no. Time to grow the kids up and have an adult relationship with her husband. |
My brother and I do not get on.
When we were younger he'd go out of his way to make my life a living hell. To my parent's credit they did tell him off for it when they caught him but they both worked long hours and didn't have the energy to deal with our arguments. This continued into adulthood. He was salty that he failed his college course the first time around.
There was a bad argument in our family a while ago and, I shit you not, it all started because I refused the decorate my brothers living room. I wont go into too much detail but he wanted a pretty hefty discount, I said no and he threw a tantrum.
You really need to meet my brother to understand just how bad he is. But hopefully this post will do it some justice. Instead of being a grown up and talking to me, he decided to hook up with my toxic ex girlfriend and the mother of my child. Due to the rules here I can't go into a lot of detail about what she was like but she was not a nice person. She never really bonded with our son when he was born and I was left to do everything by myself. She eventually walked out on us and refused to have any contact with our son. She'll post on Facebook now and then about her beautiful baby boy to get sympathy votes but that's about it.
I have been a single dad for almost three years now and I absolutely adore my son but it hurts to think that one day he might question why his mum didn't want anything to do with him. How am I supposed to explain that to him?
Anyway, it bothered me when my brother told me they'd hooked up together. It hurt even more when he started dating her. It had taken me so long to get over what she did to me and my child and now my own brother was bringing her back into my life.
Yesterday we had a family video call (parents are high risk and we're not taking any chances) when my brother decided to announce that he and my ex were expecting.
I just froze, I didn't know what to do or think. I could feel myself starting to cry a little bit and it got a bit harder to breathe. Eventually I decided to just congratulate them and then made up some lie about needing to put my son down for a nap and left.
I received a bunch of messages from my brother and his gf telling me that I stole their thunder. After I left, my parents and some other family members started worrying if I was okay and not really focusing on their news. My uncle told me that I should've just "been a man" and stuck it out instead of making excuses to get out of it, after all it was expected that our kids would be raised around each other.
I feel like maybe I shouldn't have left the call but at the same time it would've been worse if I'd stayed and had a full blown panic attack in front of everyone. Some of the family members are split and have argued that I won't be able to avoid my brother and his family forever but others believe I was in the right to leave that situation. I don't know what to think
EDIT
I just wanted to say thank you first of all for all the support. I fell asleep last night and woke up to so many kind and supportive comments.
A lot of people have been asking how my parents feel about this. They aren't happy but they don't have the energy to deal with all the hassle my brother would cause. They actually cut him off for a little wile when he started dating my ex but he phoned them constantly and, again can't go into much detail, but he said he'd do something not so good. They keep him at arms length but I have told them not to cut contact because of me. If they want to cut contact on their own accord then that's fine but I do not want to be the reason that they have to deal with his tantrums.
The rest of the family, for the most part, weren't happy about it but accepted it (or pretended to) when they started getting a bit more serious. My uncle )who told me to be a man) thought it was funny, that's just the kind of person he is.
I think as hard as it might be, I am going to cut off contact with my brother and ex. As a lot of people pointed out, not for my sake but for the sake of my son. I don't want to put him through all that.
Sorry I can't reply to all your comments but I've been trying to read them all. Thanks again Reddit. | NTA
I think you handled the situation as well as you can.
Also, really? Your ex is going to go and date your brother, and have a child with him, yet not take responsibility for her child with you? That's really messed up. |
So I (f26) have a boyfriend (m24) and recently he got into a dispute with the neighbour's kids. They accidentally kicked their football into our yard and they came into the garden to get it back. Tbh, I didnt care but my boyfriend started screaming at these like 11 year ds about how they are poorly raised and their parents should be ashamed. I. Was. Fucking. Mortified. I sent the kids some chocolates and sweets and apologised profusely for his behaviour.
I was seeing red flags and told him this behaviour was NOT normal. He kind of brushed me off and I told him if he pulled anything like that again he was gone.
The next week the ball came into our garden and I was about to throw it back to the kids when my boyfriend stormed outside and took the ball inside. I told the kids that I would bring it back in a minute. He went into the bathroom and emerged like 10 minutes later wearing gloves and a football covered in shit. HIS OWN SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK.
I asked him if he was out of his fucking mind but he stormed past me and threw it over the fence screaming "TAKE THAT YOU BITCHES". I screamed and girl I mean screamed at him about how he was a fucking douche and I wanted him out of my house and he is a disgusting fucking monster and that they were just kids. I screamed and screamed and eventually he left.
I deleted all his games off of his ps4 and gave it to the kids as an apology. I was so embarrassed.
My ex-bf's mom messaged me asking what happened and I responded with
"What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You are a pathetic excuse of a woman who raised a fucking sociopath who covered a football in his own shit and threw it at some kids and he needs to be a in a facility because something is wrong with him and god knows how I hadn't seen any red flags about the fucking monster you raised during the 7 months we dated".
I know I am in the right for what I did to my bf but am I in the wrong for snapping at the mother for something she had no direct involvement in? | Yta for sending the message cause I’m sure she would’ve maybe understood how angry you were if you came across nicer. But wow I can’t even imagine being in your position, has he done anything like this before?
Edit: I did not mean that op is the asshole for the entire situation, it’s a very soft YTA. Sorry for any confusion |
My friends and I went sightseeing, aware that the weather forecast was warning of heavy rain.
We’re from England, where the correct response to rain is to not acknowledge it, but things are a little different in Japan. It is impossible to walk outside without getting fully soaked. I warned my friends of this and stopped at a shop to buy an umbrella. They were reluctant to get one; either underestimating the rain or thinking they could get one later, if it actually rained.
I warned them multiple times that if it rains, I would not let them borrow my umbrella.
One friend had a raincoat so was mostly fine but the other did not. I reminded them that I would not share a few more times while we were walking.
Roughly an hour later, it started raining. Hard. It was unlikely to stop raining any time soon and we had a train to catch so we walked in the rain for half an hour to the train station. I stood by my word and refused to let them use my umbrella (which could easily fit 2 people under it). When we arrived, the friend without the raincoat was completely soaked, and the other was far from dry. Neither were particularly happy.
AITA for standing by my word and not saving my friend from the rain? | You were way more concerned with being right than being a good friend. YTA |
Wow. I have never felt so supported and loved in a very long time. I wasn’t even going to post anything but I’m so happy I did.
I don’t know how to explain just how big of an impact everyone’s comments and dms had on me. It was so lovely. Thank you so much for all the offers of friendship, and more.
So as of a few weeks ago, I moved in with my father. Being alone with my son had me going crazy. The loneliness was literally killing me. I needed help and I am no longer ashamed to admit it. My dad made the offer.
I work Mon-Fri and have the weekends off and well I’ve been following everyone’s advice and signed up for a mommy and me thing nearby. It was nerve wrecking but so many moms were so friendly and came up to me themselves. I got three numbers and they’re all inviting me to a dinner party. They’re really sweet despite being at least 5 years older than me. They’ve sort of adopted me lol (their words not mine).
I’m also going for walks after work. My dad and son come along sometimes. Me and my dad also cook together and we make some pretty neat stuff for his girlfriend who has also been really kind.
As for my mother and sisters, I still don’t know why they dislike me and my baby so much. But I took that step and left the GC. This might sound ridiculous but it was really hard. I even shed a tear. But I did it. They haven’t spoken to me since.
I contacted my in laws one last time. Idk why but his parents said they were willing to meet. They won’t try and take him from me but my dad got me a lawyer just in case. I’m meeting them this weekend and depending on how it goes, I will let them see my son eventually.
Finally, I saw a doctor and I’ve been diagnosed with PPD. I’m currently seeing a therapist that was recommended to me and have started a treatment plan. My son, father and his gf have been my biggest supporters and I‘m trying to be better for me but them as well. I’ve also been missing my fiancé a lot these days but his memory is kind of calming. Idk.
It hasn’t been very long but I’m already seeing improvements in my life. It’s crazy how making my original post kickstarted this change. Thank you so very much for everything.
Edit:
Thank you so so so much for all the nice comments and messages. I’m trying to read them all but there’s too many and I cannot keep up haha. I’ve shed a few tears as well.
The meeting with my in laws went well and my fiancé’s mother cried a lot and said she was so sorry. I didn’t give too many details but I did show them pictures of my son. They still won’t be meeting him till a lot later and without me but it’s progress. Also I call my fiancé my bf and fiancé because well he passed away a week before proposing to me. I found the ring and his friends told me. So although he was never “officially” my fiancé, it’s just comforting. And I call my in laws my in laws because it helps with the word count.
But yeah, thanks again :) | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4dshw/aita_for_telling_everyone_to_leave_me_the_fuck/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) |
Throwaway account and fake names. I don’t think I’m TAH here but one of my coworkers does and we both follow this reddit, so we’re letting reddit decide.
I (28F) was named after a really obscure character from Greek Mythology. My preferred nickname is taken from the end of my name. I always introduce myself with “I’m (my name) but you can call me (nickname).” None of my coworkers in the small business we work for have ever had a problem with this before, until Megan(25F), the niece of Jeff(50sM) one of the two owners, was hired. Jeff and Dave(50sM) co-own the business but Dave does the actual day to day running of the business. I introduced myself and my nickname as usual but she immediately said that “Bessie” (not the actual name) would be a better nickname because it comes from the beginning of my name and that she liked it better. I told her I really didn’t like that nickname and wouldn’t answer to it and asked her to please not call me Bessie but she insisted that it was so much prettier and that I just needed to get used to it.
For the next two months she tried to call me Bessie but I completely ignored her whenever she addressed me that way, even when I knew she really needed help with something. She would call my desk phone and say “hey Bessie” I would reply “you have the wrong number there’s no Bessie here” and hang up. She then tried to get some of the employees outside the office to start calling me Bessie, but I quickly shut that down. I usually finish my work early and help them with a lot of tedious little things that aren’t part of my job description and threaten to stop helping them unless they used my preferred nickname.
Friday she decided she was going to get me to respond to Bessie no matter what. We have an open office design but are at opposite ends. She started calling out Bessie in a singsong voice over and over again to try and annoy me enough to respond. Other coworkers got annoyed, most telling her to stop and one Lisa(43F) telling me to just let her call me Bessie already. I refused and she kept calling out Bessie louder and louder, until Dave barged in. He’d been on a conference call with an important client and could hear her yelling from his office down the hall. He told her to be quiet and that if she called me Bessie one more time, he’d write her up and dock her pay.
Later, Megan cornered me in the break room, called me an AH for getting her in trouble and called me Bessie again for good measure just as Dave was walking in to heat up his lunch. He gave her a stern look and said “I warned you.” Then he walked to HR to have her written up. Lisa is saying I’m the AH for never helping Megan and that, if I had been nicer or hadn’t fought her so hard on the nickname, she probably would have given up on it a while ago but because I made such a big deal out of it, it became a challenge. So reddit, AITA? | You're NTA. You established a boundary and her determination to break it is gonna keep getting her in trouble.
Edit: So this is what it's like to be a top comment. Everyone replies to you instead of to the post 😂 Thanks for the awards y'all I didn't think I'd get any for the simple truth. |
Context: my husband (m34) and I (f26) got married 9 months ago, we live in a different town from his parents, and his mom visited us unexpectedly on friday.
Now to give some context about my MIL, She is okay-ish but has no respect for her son's privacy and by extension, mine.
When it was time to go to bed, MIL requested that we let her sleep in the bedroom, on the master bed, not just that but lock the door as well because she explained she can't feel comfortable enough to sleep without locking the door. I found this bizzare but I politely declined and suggeted other options like the guest room, couch and air mattress but no she turned around and presented these options to me. My husband agreed but I said no. This initiated an argument between her and I. During the argument I pointed put how I didn't want to be keot out of my room and away from my stuff but she lashed out at my husband saying "Don't you just stand there! Say something!". My husband told me to let her it's just one night, but I told her those were all the options I had for her and if she didn't like them then I could book her in a hotel. She took it as in I was kicking her out and started crying which made my husband upset.
She left at 12am and my husband blew up saying I disrespected his mom who was a GUEST at our house and treated her poorly, he then reminded me it's our bedroom not just mine and I acted horribly to her causing her to go stay at a hotel in the middle of the night. He went to book a room in the same hotel as her and turned his phone off. The next day she went home and told the family who berated me calling my behavior towards MIL abhorrent and loathsome, now my husband is complaining about how I keep trying to ruin his relationship with his family and push them away.
But I want to know if I was really ta? | NTA
Girl I would get a divorce asap, these kind of relationships never last for a long time. He is not able to see the disrespect his mother is giving BOTH of you guys. Run
Edit: Never thought my first most liked comment on Reddit would be a device to get divorced lmao |
I'm a stahm and my husband works full time. We have 3 kids and one of them is 2 years old. My husband helps alot with the kids. He's a committed dad but is absolutely against babysitters due to an awful incident with a babysitter that was the reason his younger male cousin James got disabled years ago. I don't go out much since I have to take the kids with me and not every place is suitable for kids.
We received an invitation for my brother's (who has been my husband's friend since college) wedding which we later discovered was child free. My brother lives states away so the entire trip will take 4 days as well as my brother's inlaws weekend dinner party (their tradition)
I told my husband I want to go since it's been a while since I been to a wedding and this one is special and suggested we get a trusted friend as a babysitter. He asked if I was serious to consider leaving our 2 year old with a babysitter and suggested that I do what I normally do and stay home with the kids while he goes to the wedding. I refused and said I have as much right to attend as him since we both were invited. He said it wasn't his fault my brother wants a child free wedding and I should do this for the kids and sarifice for their sake. I still refused and said this was unfair and since he's a parent too then he should also stay for the kids.
He looked at me and said "That's my best friend's wedding you're asking me to skip for Christ's sake, are you kidding me?". Then said I was being petty for suggesting this and that I was basically choosing to go and party over keeping our kids safe. He asked me to consider this a business trip what would I do? Go with him and leave the kids?....
I said I understand his paranoia of babysitters but really all my friends have sitters and at times they're really needed. He said I ought to know better than what my friends tell me and this wasn't even up for discussion and when I kept arguing he called me selfish and said he won't let me ruin his relationship with his friend because I was being spiteful for not being able to attend and that my brother'll understand my situation.
He keeps asking who's more important a wedding party or my kids and said I was unreasonable for making my attandance the hill to die on.
Aita? Am i being selfish for wanting to attend this wedding, my brother's wedding after 4 years not attending anything? | I have a hard time to believe your husband is a good dad. Every single sentence from him smells like entitlement and selfishness.
If you can't go to your brothers wedding, so can't he.
Why doesn't he stay at home and you attend. Since this never came to his mind he thinks less of you and your needs. You are the servant for the children. Not his wife who is on the same level.
This wedding shows you what kind of person your husband is and what he thinks of you.
NTA |
I got pregnant with my son Julius (28) about a month after my 18th birthday. I tried to do my best for him and he got into a good engineering school but at 19, he got his then girlfriend Iza pregnant and they had Annabella together. I've been the one who has mostly raised her (Iza got deported but they spend July together and FT every night). Julius got married to his girlfriend Katja after graduation and they have two wonderful boys together. Annabella lives with me and not with them.
The thing is, Julius never spends any time with Annabella. He doesn't even call to say goodnight. But she loves him so much. It's like once a month, he'll show up with a box full of toys, spend a day with her and then go back to his family. It hurts her so much that he doesn't spend time with her because he's her hero. I'm just grandma. And no, he doesn't act this way because of his wife. Katja would love to have Annabella move in with them, she once brought up the idea and she went on about all the things they could do together. She would love to be her stepmom, calls her princess, sweetie and so many nice nicknames. The only reason they haven't is because Julius has said she should stay with me.
A few days ago, Julius told me that he and Katja were planning a trip to Disneyland in August. I told him that Annabella would be so excited and he should tell her on her birthday and he just blankly told me she's not coming and the trip is for his boys. I made it clear to him that he needed to bring her on the trip and he just called me an asshole - which he's never done before - for trying to control him. I admit that I was a bit controlling in my reaction but I don't think I went that far. | So he just pawned his child off on you for eternity? Does he send you child support? Does he make any actual effort to be a father to his daughter?
NTA. |
Update at the bottom.
Throwaway. Ok I know the title is confusing but hear me out. I went out to eat with my (34f) bf (35m) and a two other couples. For context I am a mother to a 5yr old (not my bf child). So two tables away was a new parent couple & what I can only assume was the guys parents. I assumed this because I was that girl when I first had my child. Out to dinner with your fathers child and his family and baby is being fussy- you’re struggling and no one is helping you. Baby’s crying for about 15 min now all while the father or no one else for that matter is offering her any help or a break so she can have at least a bite of her food that’s been sitting there cold for about 30 min. I really just wanted to run to her grab the baby for a bit and tell her to eat.
This is where I might I have been an asshole:baby’s crying (again no one paying attention) and she goes to comfort baby and breastfeed. Well ALL of a sudden she’s the center of attention! Baby father says what are you doing? That’s disgusting go to a stall in the bathroom! At this point I lost it. My bf was trying to calm me down the entire time telling me it’s none of my business but I just went ham. I got up from my table walked over and told him if he found it so disgusting why doesn’t he go eat his sandwich on the the toilet. I said she has been struggling, hasn’t had a bite to eat all while the 3 of you sit there enjoying yourselves and letting her drown.
And then I said loud enough that the tables around could hear that anyone who is offended by a woman breastfeeding needs to get checked because breasts weren’t made for men to suck on for pleasure they were made for feeding and that’s exactly what she’s doing.
No one said anything but she also didn’t go to the bathroom and finished feeding her baby who calmed down and she was able to eat.
My bf is upset I caused a scene in front of some of his friends and everyone really at the restaurant but I just couldn’t sit back watch, and say nothing.
So Reddit, AITA for inserting myself and yelling at strangers?
Just some clarification after all the comments: I do agree and feel terrible that I could have put her in a position to get yelled at later. That wasn’t my intention. I saw red, mostly because I have been through exactly this and have gone home in tears and feeling alone. I would normally not get into anyones business. I appreciate all your feedback and for sure next time I feel the urge to say something I’m going to take a breath and find a better way to communicate that doesn’t put anyone in danger or interrupt other people. My bf is still not talking to me until I apologize because again I embarrassed him, regardless of the reason. Feel like I should just send a text to his friends and keep it moving.
Update:
Wow guys- thank you for all the responses, support, advice and criticism. These past 24hrs have been crazy, so here’s a quick update.
I mentioned in a previous comment but will say again that the young mom did give me a smile as we were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot and they were leaving. In terms of this situation like I said I could of had more tact and really hope I didn’t expose her to more abuse in retaliation.
As for my boyfriend- well now ex because HE BROKE UP (well told me he needed space) with me. I showed him the thread and this is what happened:
1. Super pissed that I posted this on here. ‘Why am I putting our business out on the internet?’ And basically I wanted people to turn against him (what?!) and more attention then I already took at the restaurant
2. One of his friends is very conservative and while his friend didn’t actually say anything to my ex he says his friend was definitely offended by the breastfeeding at the table because it’s not hygienic. He doesn’t agree that she should have gone to bathroom but it wasn’t the appropriate place to feed.
3. One of the things he liked about me was how I kept my ‘mom life’ separate from my relationship with him. And that while he was weirded out that I never invited him to my house the entire time we’ve been dating (2yrs) he appreciated not having to be involved because he has never wanted kids. Doesn’t like them. So basically I set a boundary from the beginning of ‘no kid stuff’ I crossed it at the restaurant and made a big scene in front of his friends who he says were also embarrassed but weren’t going to say anything.
So like this is all still going on. I’m a bit sad - like maybe I did do the most- but also I’m like f him. Since me and my daughters dad split 50/50 I can see how someone can see me and not realize that I’m a whole ass mother. The reason I don’t let people I’m dating come to my house is because at the end of the day I don’t know these people from Adam (did you torture animals as a child 🤷🏽♀️) and rather than expose my daughter to variables (guys character or behaviors) I prefer if they don’t have access. I know it may sound crazy or weird, but when I was in college a guy I dated would show up to my apartment drunk yelling for me outside my window. So I’m not leaving the door even cracked for something like this to happen and my daughter be home with me. She’d be terrified.
So what he said was he needed a break and I just said let’s just not do this at all because it’s not gonna work. For sure I set boundaries with my kid but if anything involving kids is a problem than we aren’t going to work because again I am a mother. And even on my days ‘off’ I’m on call because anything can happen and I need to be there regardless.
Thank you guys for all your responses. It’s hard sometimes when things blow up like this to whisk away the bullshit and see things for what they are. | NTA - You waited, assessed the situation and responded accordingly. I think if anything, the fact that she continued to feed her child proved just how thankful she was for you blowing up on them. |
My little brother is 18. I'm 20. I am staying with my family for the holidays and thought it'd be a nice time but I forgot that they treat me like a housekeeper. I do almost all the chores and I don't mind if its MY chore. Obviously, if I notice the dishwashers full, I empty it. If I cook, I clean up. If I make a mess, I clean up. However, if my little brother makes a mess. He makes me clean up. If I refuse and tell him to do it himself, he tells my parents and they side with him and just bug me until I do it.
My brother also asks me to cook for him. He pulls out brownie mix and is like "make this." I always am like: "Sure, I can make it but you have to help." He gets mad and says "I helped by taking out the box!" And when I refused to make stuff for him or tell him to make it himself, he'll throw a fit and tell our parents.
Lately, he keeps asking me to make stuff and I get frustrated going back and forth about why can't he make shit himself or just ask our parents. So I make the food he asks, but I always add stuff he doesn't like. (coincidentally, he hates a ton of stuff I love to eat ) So if he asks for brownies and refuses to help, I put nuts in it. He hates them and I like them. He came over to see the brownies and got mad at me and told me he hated nuts and can't eat the brownies anymore. I just said, "too bad, make it yourself next time or help me and tell me not to put nuts in." I thought he'd learn his lesson to at least help but he keeps asking for stuff and I just keep putting stuff in that he doesn't like.
He finally got fed up and said he's not eating because I keep making stuff with stuff he doesn't like. I just shrugged and told him to make his own food then. He told my parents of course and they just told me to stop being an asshole and make food for him. It was my last day at home so I just told them to make food for him if they're so concerned before I left. Now my parents are upset with me and my brother is angry with me and I am wondering if I was too petty | NTA, when I was reading I thought your brother was like 5 then I went back and realized he was **18**!???? Thank God you're out of there |
My ex and I were engaged, living together, and planning on trying for kids after the wedding. The wedding got delayed and I found out I was pregnant shortly after. My ex freaked out. Insisted it couldn't be his baby because he wasn't ready to be a dad, that this was all happening too fast and wasn't how we planned it, and said he needed some time to think everything over. He then moved out, blocked me, and didn't answer any kind of attempted contact for 10 months.
Our child was born without him there and I named our daughter, "Elizabeth Laura Smith" without his input. Elizabeth because I like it and it reminds me of my favourite book character (I work in literature), Laura after my grandmother, and Smith is my surname. My ex has reached out. He said he waited this long because he wasn't sure how far along I was when we were together but he figured the baby had to have been born by now. I said that his timing was a little off, because she's 5 months old.
Ex has said he's planning to sort out custody. We've not discussed logistics yet, but he's unlikely to get anything before she turns 1. He asked if I'd named her yet, and I told him what I'd named her.
Ex then said he hates that name. He thinks it sounds old and stuffy. He says that as his mother, "Mary", has recently (November 2019) passed away, he wants to name our daughter Mary. He says Mary *must* be the first name and that I can have either Elizabeth or Laura as the middle name.
I made clear, in no uncertain terms, that I will not change her name. I hate the name Mary. I hate how it sounds, both alone and with "Elizabeth/Laura Smith" on the end of it. Plus I didn't like his mother, either (though I didn't remind him of that).
Ex said that if we're going to co-parent then I have to learn to compromise and this is the place to start, and that it's unfair that I got to choose both her first and middle name.
I said that if he hadn't blocked me for the better part of a year, he'd have been able to say all of this when she was born.
Ex said that the above is proof that I'm being petty and that he can't undo the past, but I can prevent any feelings of dislike/resentment from him over this name in future, and that as the father he should have a say in his daughter's name. He also says that he's willing to let her be a "Smith" and not force me to use his surname, which he feels is proof he has already negotiated.
Am I the A-hole? | NTA. Pretty fucking ballsy of him to get a hold of you when your daughter is 5 god damn months old and the first thing he does is start making demands. |
I’ll try to summarize as much as possible.
I (f19) have an estranged grandpa more or less. He’s my dad’s father, but my dad hardly had a relationship with him. I have two other siblings (one younger, (13) and one older (26). My grandma divorced my grandpa when my dad was only 10, so he lived with my grandma his whole life in a different state and didn’t see him.
When he got older he saw him a little more and my grandpa started coming around a little bit more as well. He’d stay for a week at a time and then go home. He was an old, bitter man to be honest. He never got remarried and lived his whole life in his coastal town with the same friends he’d had his whole life.
He wasn’t pleasant to be around and could hold grudges longer than anyone I’ve ever met. But regardless of this, he was filthy rich. He owned a successful business that he sold for $1m dollars. He retired after selling, but his house sits on an island as well as the biggest piece of land on the island. So it sold for well over $3m.
I was never close with my grandpa, but I took after his sister who is an RN and he adores her. He always told me that he was proud to see me follow in her footsteps.
He died a few months ago. Since then, my family has been torn apart. He left everything to me. He essentially liquidated all of his assets and it ended up being close to 8 million dollars. I was shocked. I didn’t and still don’t know what to do with the money, but I’m going to save it.
My dad and stepmom as well as my siblings are hounding me to split the money with them. I just can’t do it.
My dad is an alcoholic who never said anything nice about his dad. Despite him being bitter, my grandpa actually bought my dad a $300,000 house. My dad would 100% drink away any money given to him.
As far as my siblings, my brother has full financial support from my grandma as he is the favorite and he’s very wasteful and ungrateful. He never talks to me and always is very mean to me when he does.
My little sister is the only person I’ve actually considered. She’s very young and that’s really the only thing stopping me. Her mom is money oriented and would take the money from her. So I’m waiting until she turns 18 and i offered to pay for her college.
But now my family is telling me I’m unfair and the money doesn’t belong to me and I’m not deserving of it. That I’m too young and I’ll waste it on cars and clothes.
I don’t agree and now they’re all threatening to cut me off and never speak to me, or even sue me if I don’t give them all a chunk of the money. I don’t know what to do and I’m buckling under pressure here. I’ve already had 2 police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming I stole the money from him. Everything was through an attorney, I know I did nothing wrong legally.. but morally? Idk. So AITA? | NTA, my god these entitled people.
If they want to cut you off for money that your grandpa willed to you show them the door.
Buy yourself a lovely home and move away from them, pay for your sisters college and save the rest.
Edit: thank u for my first silver!! Woohoo!
And also OP be careful of any brand new “friends” you may encounter, there’ll be so many at your age.. So many stories online of how young people get a lump sum of money yet loose it all.
It’s easier to make money than to keep it. Best to check with a financial adviser To invest and hopefully just live on the interest, like many on here have suggested if you haven’t already... :) |
Edit: for all the people asking, Scott's Tots is an episode of the The Office, the plot is Michael made a promise to a group of grade schoolers that he'd pay for thier college. He assumed he'd be a multi millionaire in 10 years when it came time to pay off. The episode centers around him telling the now graduating kids he can't pay for college. I've seen it called the "best unwatchable episode of TV ever" because it's so cringe worthy. I've watched the office 8 times and I skip this episode, it's so painful to watch. Parks n' Rec is a better show though...fight me.
So how do I begin with this. I am 26 and shortly before my grandma died last year she changed me to the executor of her estate. My grandma became enraged (rightly or wrongly) at my mom, aunts and uncle and basically at the 11th hour rewrote her considerable estate go to my generation (myself, sister and cousins) and one great grandkid (who I call niece because I truly don't understand all the "removed" stuff) so split evenly 6 ways. The condition was if the person was not through college, their share had to be spent on education first, otherwise I would keep it in a trust until they turned 27. The stipulation was as well that the person had to have a 3.5 gpa to get it for school, if not they had to get their grades up or wait until 27 (I really hope this is making sense). Basically under no circumstances do any of the cousins or great grand kid not get their money or do I get to keep it long term.
My cousin and her daughter (niece to me) came asking me for the money so she can make payments to University of Arizona so she can start next week. Either they didn't know or didn't care about the GPA requirement because when I asked to see her report card from her last semester it showed me she all but failed her last semester. I don't even know how she graduated because she had something like a 1.2 GPA. I asked her how she got into UofA and she said she didn't really know or care, she just was ready to get to school to party.
I basically said no, that this was not even remotely the stipulations of my Grandma's will and that I will be happy to give her the money for the spring semester if she gets her grades up to a 3.5 this fall.
That's when all hell broke loose. My mom, aunts and uncle already see me as a target because they are resentful of being written out of the will. My sister and one cousin are fine because they've already gotten their share but my other 2 cousins and niece have started circulating emails that I'm running my own version of "Scott's Tots" because I taking away money that was promised for education. There's also an undertone that I'm keeping the other 3 peoples money so I can save it for myself if they don't go to college.
No amount of explanation is helping. I've tried to tell them that under no circumstances can I keep their shares. IF they don't go to school, they get the money when they turn 27, no questions asked. No one wants to hear this from me and everyone wants me to give my niece the money independent of her grades (and I imagine my other two cousins will see this as precedent so they get their money well before they turn 27).
There is really nothing stopping me from doing it. I write all the checks from the trust and while it may not be in line with the will, no one is really going to question what I'm doing.
I have to admit all the pressure is getting to me, especially the Scott's Tots thing because I don't want to be seen like that.
Would I be the asshole if I withhold my niece's money for school until she gets her grades up?
Edit: just for my own notes since I’m saving this thread and I guess if might help other people be clear.
Cousin A (nieces mom), 38: paid.
Cousin/sister J, 32: paid.
Me: paid
Cousin B, 25: not paid.
Cousin J2, 20: in school.
Niece K, 18: not paid (subject of post).
A, B and K are the ones causing all the issues and calling me 30 times a day. | NTA. Tell your family they have two options:
1. They stop harassing you and you’ll execute the will to the best of your ability.
2. They keep harassing you and their share of the estate will be handed over to a lawyer to execute and the lawyer fees will come out of their trust. |
I have 2 kids, 'Clark' and 'Kent'. While they have the same father, only one of them is biologically my child. They were born within 6 months of each other. The boys are currently 6, and for various reasons I have full custody of both of them.
I didn't speak to anyone in my family for several years, and we got back in touch in 2019. Due to the boys' ages, my family know I couldn't have carried both, unless I have the gestation period of a hamster or the longest labour ever. I have explained to them how this all came to be, but in my explanation I neglected to tell them which was my biological child.
Due to my ex having a type, the other woman looked enough like me that the boys could pass for twins. Same dark hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and both cleft chins and dimples. My brother jokes that they look like tiny Supermen. People who know them refer to them as twins because aside from a few minor differences, they're practically identical. Frankly, if they were closer in age and I'd had full custody of both from the time they were born, I suspect I would have mixed them up a lot as babies.
Shortly before Clark's birthday last year, my mum asked if she could see Clark's birth certificate. I asked why and she said she wanted to know the exact time he was born, so I told her. She asked if she could see the certificate anyway. I asked why. She said she just wanted to check. I said I'm his mother, I know when he was born. Then she asked the same thing about Kent and we went through the same conversation all over again. Mum eventually admitted that she just wanted to see the birth mother's name on each certificate, which isn't even how that works and I told her as much.
This led to an argument where my stance was that I'm their mother, biology is irrelevant. Mum says if biology is irrelevant then it's not a big deal to tell her which of them is biologically mine. I said if she's so hung up on biology, then clearly it's a big deal to her and I don't want it to be a big deal, especially as the boys themselves don't know.
Mum feels this is incredibly selfish, narcissistic, and overall wrong. She feels that if biology isn't such a big issue, then I should have no problem telling her whether Clark or Kent is my biological son, and that accusing her of potential favouritism or something similar with her bio grandchild is an unfair judgement with no actual reasoning to it.
My boyfriend agrees that I shouldn't tell anyone at least until my sons have decided for themselves if they want to know and want other people to know, but my entire family agree with mum that I'm being unreasonably selfish and that my actions now are more likely to cause issues than mum's potential actions later.
Am I in the wrong? | NTA. If she ever finds out, your mother will favor the biological grandchild, otherwise if wouldn't matter to her, who was on the birth certificate. |
I (F20) moved out on my 18th birthday and never looked back. I mostly moved out due to how strict my parents were. When i say strict, i don’t mean something like home by 10pm. I mean, I wasn’t allowed to have friends older than me (even by a few months) i wasn’t allowed any guy friends. If i had a project to work on at school and got partnered with a guy, my mom would tell my teachers to make me do it alone. I was only allowed on my phone if someone (mom or dad) was there to monitor what i was doing. Weekdays my bedtime was 9pm and weekends 9:30pm. I could only have sleepovers if it was at my house and all of my friends have to be questioned to make sure they were “clean” meaning, they didn’t have boyfriends, no tattoos, went to church, you get it.
So you can imagine, i had literally 1 or 2 friends. By 18, i didn’t have any plans, i just packed my stuff and left. My parents weren’t happy and tried for months to get me to come home but i didn’t plan on it. Anyways, i landed a damn good job and was able to get my first apartment shortly after. My friend is over at my house almost everyday with her boyfriend and we just hang out.
I didnt cut out all contact with my parents but i limit it to only only special occasions. My mom wanted to have a zoom family call whatever it’s called and asked me to join. I figured what the hell i’ll join and say hi. As i’m talking to my little cousin, in the background you could see my friend’s boyfriend come into the living room area. Everyone’s face kinda froze and i didn’t think much of it.
My mom asked who it was and i told her and she immediately gets annoyed? She started asking why he was leaving my bedroom, which he didn’t. The bathroom is the same way towards the bedroom so i could see why it would look like he left from my room. She and my dad proceeds to ask me why i have guys at my home, why is he 21 hanging around me (i just turned 20 but yea) it was like i was 15 again
My mom then insists i have him leave. At this point my friend and her boyfriend hears this and goes like wtf? I didn’t know what else to do but laugh. I said “are you out of your mind” and laughed some more. I realized they were serious and said my goodbyes and hung up. Later i started getting messages that my parents are upset i laughed at them and my family says it’s in my best interest to apologize because i was being an asshole for laughing. AITA for laughing?
~~~
Edit- I did not expect to have this much feedback! Thank you everyone who took time to comment and a big thank you for the awards!
For those of you asking why i would think i was the asshole, it’s mostly cause i laughed at them then hung up so i thought it was rude and asshole-ish especially after being told i was by my aunt as well.
I seen a lot of people telling me to go no contact. I’d feel terrible if i did such a thing but someone did point out they’ll never change their ways so i think i might have to. you know, i’ve got no idea how to set boundaries but i’m sure there’s a few articles that can help me with that. I did block them from all of my social media accounts except facebook so i think that counts? I’m not familiar with setting boundaries sorry
I found out from my little cousin that my mom has been asking where i live so now i’m kind of scared for that. Though not many know my address, if she ask the right people she might find out i hope not. | NTA. You're an adult living in your own house, you can have whoever you like visiting. Your parents have some serious issues. |
I married my wife Lia two months ago. I'm also a woman for the record. Lia's mom seems to have a problem with me, or my sexuality or something, Lia is bi and her mom seems to wish she'd stayed with one of her male exes.
So anyway at Christmas, we were taking photos and her mom was like "OP, we want the photos to be family only.." Lia started to protest, like "we're married, mom" but I didn't want an argument so I said "it's ok, I'll take the pictures."
It was kind of cringy because lia's sister's husband, and cousin and his wife and son were there so there were definitely spouses and children included
I was kind of annoyed and decided to not take the best ones... Just on purpose, focused the camera on the furniture rather than people, snapped pictures zoomed in awkwardly close, used unflattering flash, didn't hold my hands steady so they were blurry, took pictures on purpose when someone was looking away or coughing or something.
Anyway I took like 30 pictures and they ranged from bad to horrible. And I gave the camera back and said that I hope they find a nice one to frame in there.
After everything, Lia was angry on my behalf, said her mom had no right to treat me like that and I didn't have to say "it's ok" when it was totally rude. And I just started laughing and told her what I'd done. We snuck down to the dining room later that night and she lost it laughing at the pictures I'd taken. She even deleted some of the more decent ones.
We're still waiting for her mom to plug her camera into the computer and see the pictures. We're planning on saying I tried my best but didn't know how to use a dslr camera if anyone says something
AITA for taking bad photos on purpose? | NTA. Your mother in law is an asshole and your revenge was perfectly petty. |
16 years ago my son Matthew had a daughter with his now ex wife Josie. I have always thought of Josie as my own daughter, so when they divorced 7 years ago due to my son cheating, I was conflicted and disappointed. Josie wasn’t particularly close with any of her family, so My husband and I naturally took them in. Josie was an angel, she had insisted that we didn’t have to lift a finger more than before we had taken them in and though she was hurt, she kept civil around Matthew.
My husband and I held a huge hand in raising their daughter Ruth, because Matthew remarried less than a year later and now has a four year old son after disowning Ruth. Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, it was hard on everyone, especially Ruth. They were extremely close, she told him about her girlfriends and boyfriends before anyone else and has always wanted him to be the one to walk her down the isle at her wedding. Matt rarely ever visited and didn’t answer our calls often saying that we had other kids so it wasn’t like my husband was dying lonely.
Last night Matt stopped by to talk about inheritance, he never mentioned Josie nor Ruth and hinted that he thought he should get more inheritance than his siblings the entire time. My husband and I shared awkward looks until he decided to cut in, he explained that everyone would get a piece, but he’d focus more on Ruth and Bonnie (one of our other grandkids). Matt got angry and said that Ruth was just a bastard and that his son deserved more than her, my husband got furious after that and left the room saying that he wouldn’t include Matthew at all.
Matt yelled back and turned to me saying that Ruth wasn’t worth it because she’d just grow up to be a whore like her mother, I told him that i’d rather have her mother as my daughter than him as my son and insisted that he leave. I’m getting phone calls from Matt’s wife and family friends saying that my husband and I overreacted and he was just angry that we were playing favorites.
AITA?
EDIT: To clear some things up: Josie did not cheat on Matthew, Josie and Matthew met later in college and Josie was known as a “party girl” before that, Ruth isn’t the product of an affair but we are planning on getting a DNA test because what Matthew said has gotten under Ruth’s skin (she was at the house when this occurred and over heard it)
When it came to taking in Josie and Ruth we didn’t hesitate because Josie is not from here, she and Matt lived in another country until he moved them here a few months before he got caught cheating and they had no where else to go as Josie was a stay at home mom. i had no intentions of “choosing” Josie over Matt, then and now, and I never discouraged Matt from visiting, i tried to make it very clear that we weren’t picking and choosing when we took Josie in, we just wanted her and our granddaughter to be safe and have a good home. | Make sure to leave him and his son $1 each so they can't contest the will by saying you forgot about them. |
My wife is currently battling cancer, and one of the things she’s told me she’s struggling with the most was losing her hair. She’s been given a near 100% chance of survival since we caught it early, but the chemotherapy has destroyed her hair anyway, and she had to shave what was left of it off a few weeks ago.
Not long after that, she suggested we attempt to get our 17 year old daughter, Anna, to do so as well. Anna has very long hair that she puts a lot of care into so I felt it was appropriate to ask her in private if she wanted to/would be willing to do such a thing. She told me that she didn’t want to cut her hair and I figured that was the end of that.
However yesterday they came home from a “girls shopping trip”, something they do every so often, and Anna had a buzzed haircut. That struck me as odd after what she’d said, so after dinner I talked to her and she told me that my wife had said she would never forgive Anna if she didn’t show her support by buzzing her head. I asked her if she was happy about it and she said that she wasn’t.
When I went to bed, I brought it up with my wife and she said “it was Anna’s choice to or not, I just told her how I’d see the situation.”
I told her off, saying she needed to respect Anna’s personal choices and that a 17 year old girl being against shaving her head wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, however my wife simply said it was to show support for her.
I’ve been sleeping on the couch since. I love my wife, and I understand that she’s going through something traumatic, however her attitude comes off as very manipulative to me, and that’s not behavior I feel I can personally accept. I’m not sure if I can move past this to continue the relationship.
AITA? | NTA! You're wife is a flaming asshole! I'm sorry that she has cancer, but what she did to your daughter was very abusive! If she is unable to deal mentally with her disease and treatment, then she needs professional help, not to manipulate and coerce your daughter into making a choice that she didn't want to make. Make no mistake, she ABUSED your daughter.
Honestly, cancer or no cancer, if I were in your shoes, I would seriously be considering divorce, if only to get your daughter to safety. |
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ic8xq4/aita_for_not_giving_my_friends_dog_back_unless/)
Cindy’s cousin is her lawyer, he told her it would take several months until the case would get seen and she responded that that was way too long and I could just keep the damn dog. I believe her change of heart was somewhat motivated by the fact that she’s met a new boyfriend and doesn’t really have time to take care of Kamu anymore. But Kamu is staying with me, which is all I wanted.
Thank you guys so much for helping me realize that Cindy abandoned Kamu and to not feel bad about keeping her. | That's certainly easier than a court case!
However,
1. Make sure you get documentation of that conversation. Screenshot, whatever. Send an email confirming if it was verbal,
"Just confirming that you are relinquishing Kamu to me."
2. Make sure vet records are in your name. Document all your costs
3. Change any registrations to your name (or get new ones).
And Congrats!! Kamu is a cutie! |
I’m 33 and I had a serious drinking problem since a young age. My dad was an alcoholic so booze never lacked in our house. It nearly killed me when I was only 27 and was in the ER for alcohol poisoning.
It was too close a call and after that things had to change. With my wife’s support, I went to rehab and proud to say I’ve been sober 5 1/2yrs.
My flatmate invited our friends over yesterday. It was 7 of us in total, including his friend, “Mark.” I’ve met Mark maybe 3-4 times over the last 2 years and while we’re “friendly” i honestly don’t know him that well. But you can tell he’s a party-guy. Likes to get loud, take shots, makes gross comments sometimes, etc.
Mark brought several cases of beer and a bottle of tequila with him so everyone was drinking and having a good time.
Mark kept offering me drinks the entire night, which I’d politely decline. It’s like he made it his personal mission to get me to drink by egging me on, saying everytime he sees me I’m either drinking a soda/water and it’s okay to let loose sometimes. He resorted to teasing me into drinking, calling me “princess”; I don’t know what that had to do with not wanting to drink.
All my friends there knew what I was like before, how bad my drinking was so they kept trying to steer the conversation so he’d forget about me. But every now and then he’d hand me a shot glass or a beer and would not let it go even after telling him yet again that I didn’t want to drink.
My wife became uncomfortable with his behavior (I think she was worried I’d actually drink). She grabbed the shot glass from me, dumped it in the sink and told him to stop it already. He looked between us and grinned like he “understood now”.
Mark joked that maybe we should get my wife drunk first, then that’ll get her to loosen up the leash she has on me. I’ll admit, that made me see red. I got in his face and told him, “actually I don’t drink because last time I did I almost f*cking died so unless you want me puking everywhere and having seizures you should shut up and leave my wife out of this.”
Wiped the smile off him real quick and he apologized. The rest of night went on and he finally left me alone.
Our flatmate did confront me in the morning because he thinks I was too honest with Mark and it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know; he was just joking around and I made him feel bad. Our other friends agree he was being too pushy and deserved being told off, my wife agrees so he’s the only one right now that’s taking Mark’s side.
He said I could’ve ignored him until he gave up instead of bringing up an uncomfortable truth from my past.
Now yes I could’ve just told Mark the truth without full details but felt that’s none of his business and a “no” should’ve been enough.
I only got carried away when he decided to include my wife in his jokes. So yes I am wondering if I was a bit of an a-hole for what I told him instead of keeping the peace. | NTA. No is a full sentence. Mark was being pushy and an aashole. Peer pressure isn't cute when your teenagers and its especially ridiculous as adults. He disrespected you by badgering you to drink and he disrespected your wife. No one needs a reason to not do something but since Mark clearly wasn't going to stop pushing you you were well within the right to tell him exactly why you didn't want to drink. |
I'm a 33-year-old man and my wife is 27.
Since the start of our relationship, my wife has been very particular about how things get done, and tends to believe that she knows the one true correct way for anything related to anything. She has admitted that she can be a control freak. While this bothers me, it has never been a true dealbreaker in our relationship.
Very often when I do just about anything, whether it be a household chore, assembling a piece of furniture, taking a picture, or writing a presentation for work (in a field where I have a master's degree and she has no formal education), she'll do this thing where she'll condescendingly say "You were *so close* to getting it right," really drawing out the "so close" part. I've told her dozens of times that I'd prefer for her to stop because it sounds so condescending, but she insists that she's complimenting me.
I do the dishes and place them out to dry in an orientation she doesn't approve of?
>You were *so close*. Next time, put them that way.
I take a picture of her?
>You were *so close*. Next time, angle the camera this way.
I complete a project at work and show her the results?
>You were *so close*. Next time, write it this way.
For the last two months my wife has been undergoing an intensive hiring process for a job in our city. She works in a highly niche field and seldom finds job openings, and therefore she was ecstatic to have the opportunity for a relatively well-paying job doing what she wants to do. She got to the very final stage where the company was considering two people, coincidentally the other of whom was her college roommate. Well, on Friday she got "the call" telling her thanks for her application but blah blah blah, record on file, all that jazz.
My wife came to me crying. I immediately comforted her and "You were *so close*" blurted out. Her head whipped up and she asked what I meant by that. I said she was *so close* to getting the job, but was just a bit off. She immediately walked out to stay at her friend's house, where she is currently sulking. She finally sent me a text this afternoon calling me a huge jerk.
Was I unnecessarily being an asshole here? | Man, you were *so close* to being the asshole, but after all you've endured, NTA. |
Longtime lurker, first time account/posting - I’ve debated posting this for a while now, but since I’ve been so vocal the last few days on this subreddit I figured it was time to find out if I was TA instead of just commenting on others.
My wedding was September 21st, 2019. We had a fairly decent sized wedding. My cousin (on my stepdads side - we are not close whatsoever) and her boyfriend have only been dating not even 6 months at this point. I’ve met the guy once before my wedding and he never shows up to any family functions. We’re all having a great time at my wedding. My husband and I are mingling with guest while everyone dances.
The next thing I know is my cousins boyfriend asks the DJ for his mike and goes to the center of the dance floor saying he has an “announcement” to make and calls my cousin over. So, I rush over and say, “Nope, no one is getting engaged during my special day especially during my reception. You can get engaged later tonight but not right now. It’s my day. Thank you for understanding.” and I go to walk away. My cousin starts puffing and my aunt (her mom) starts yelling at me and calling me an entitled brat. It causes a huge fight and they all end up leaving. My mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom all are on my side and were even pissed that they think its okay to do that during a wedding they all paid for. My nana (step dads mom) says I was wrong and told me to apologize and call them over and allow him to propose. Needless to say, it didn’t happen.
Flash forward to Christmas. Ugh, it was terrible! My stepdads entire side were rude and ignoring my husband and I. And of course, guess what happens! My cousin and her now fiancé announced their wedding date - September 21st, 2020!
I’m beyond pissed and so not planning to go. It’s my damn one year wedding anniversary! My family is upset that they would do that to piss me off for not allowing them to get engaged during my reception. My cousin says they chose to get married on their one year engagement anniversary. Either way, regardless of the real reason, I’m still upset. Of course, my nana is super excited.
So reddit, aita for not allowing them to get engaged during my wedding reception and aita for not attending the wedding on my one year anniversary?
EDIT: You guys have been so sweet! I’m trying my best to reply back to every single comment since you all took the time to comment on my post. (Y’all will get your reply eventually!) Thank you guys so much! It’s totally making me feel better after this messed up situation! 💕 | NTA
You don’t get to hijack someone else’s event to make it your event. And wtf kind of do thinks this is ok???
As it’s your anniversary you will be otherwise occupied. |
My boyfriend, 27, and I, 26 have been together for 2 years. He's a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every ocassion nomatter how big or small. He even went with me to my ex boyfriend's funeral after days of begging.
Now my best friend got married few days ago, it was very small and only close family and friends were invited, My boyfriend couldn't come because of the + one rule. He pitched a hissy fit saying my best friend has no respect for my relationship and was shocked when he learned that I was still going to attend, He told me that if he can't go then I'm expected to not go as well but that is my best friend and I had to respect her rules. He gave me an altimatum either we go together or I stay home with him. I ended up going cause again I respected my friend's rules. He was angry with me and kept calling the entire 2hr drive then stopped. Later I got a text from his friend telling me he (my boyfriend) got into an accident and was taken to the hospital. I freaked out he gave me the address and I had to leave the wedding and told my friends why.
I was a crying the entire drive home and kept calling his friend but got no response. I arrived to the hospital and asked about my boyfriend and they checked and told me he wasn't there, My anxiety reached 160% as I kept calling his friends one by one. I just went home and there he was...along with his friend. He saw me and said that he was sorry but this was the only he can get me home after I left him alone. After the initial shock I just blew up yelling at him about lying and making me leave my friend's wedding and having me literally go to the hospital and freaking out cause of him. I kicked his friend out and we got into an argument. He kept talking about how much I love him thus I left which is my own doing not his and he was just trying to see if I really chose my friend's wedding over him. He then argued that my friend caused this and I shouldn't agree with her to exclude him, I said what he did was horrible and called him horrible and then went to my room. It was awful cause my friends kept calling to check in on him cause they thought he was really at the hospital. He said I overreacted and that I yelled at the wrong person.
AITA? Did I go too far?
*Info based on request from a user:_ He has a history of mental health issues but got better the past few months. He also had a recent death in his family which really affected his health generally* | This is abuse. |
My big sister is my best friend in the entire world. She's literally the coolest, funniest, most fun person I've ever known and she's always been my hero. She's also a lesbian. She's currently engaged to a really really cool lady who I love almost as much as my sister. The wedding is going to be happening in December (lockdown rules dependent of course).
They've sent out all the invites and stuff. One of my sister's bridesmaids is her current fiancé's ex. They're all friends and quite close so it's not weird for them at all. My sister often makes jokes about how all lesbians know each other and how lesbian relationships tend to work. For example; my girlfriend and I were together a year before we moved in together, and my sister joked that "that's like a decade in Lesbian Years". My girlfriend asked me about the ex being in the wedding party and why they chose to do so cause it seemed like it would be awkward. I said it isn't for them and she asked why. I just shrugged and said "I don't know man, lesbians."
My girlfriend got pretty mad at me and said that was homophobic and playing into stereotypes and I shouldn't have said it. My sister laughed when I told her but idk, the things my gf said are sticking with me and making me feel pretty bad. What do you lot think? | NTA and you’re not wrong! The number of ex’es included in queer wedding parties is rather epic. ;) |
I am a single mom of two boys ages 11 and 10. Their father and I divorced 5 years ago after I learned he was cheating on me. He got her pregnant either right before he told me, and that was why he confessed, or right after. But our divorce was not an easy one. He wanted to stay "friends" and I could not look at him after what he did. He and I were together for over 13 years, he was also a friend before he was my boyfriend/husband and to have him betray me like that and treat me as he had was awful.
He married his affair partner. They had a daughter within months of our separation, followed by a son after the divorce/their marriage. Last year they lost a baby which led to the discovery that his wife had cancer.
What followed was a lot of fighting between the two of us again. He wanted me to help him and his wife out. He said their children (who are currently 5 and 3) needed family beyond just him and his wife. His own family disowned him for our divorce (they were extremely religious) and she has no family. I told him it would be over my dead body I would help him. He argued that it was for the children and if not for his kids with her, then for our boys, who could see their family heal and be one. I told him he stopped any chance of that happening when he cheated on me.
What I did not expect was for him to tell his daughter's school to call me when she got sick. He was at work at the time and couldn't leave apparently because he had already missed a lot of work due to his wife, and she was home recovering from chemo. I got the call, was asked if I would pick her up and I said no. Several hours later I got reamed on the phone by him for leaving his sick child at school when I knew they had nobody. This is when he told me how he couldn't leave and how his wife was resting. I told him the babysitter for his son should have been called over me. He told me he was in daycare and I should be fucking ashamed because she was a sick child who is going through a lot and I could have helped. He told me he hoped our son's were going to be fucking ashamed of me. They aren't. And I argued back with him over the phone at the time.
But I guess part of me does feel bad for the child. My son's also sensed an atmosphere while they were with their dad after the incident when they talked about me, and I hate that for them.
AITA? | NTA. He has the nerve to try to manipulate you after cheating? Those aren't your kids and not your problem. I also feel bad for the girl but it's his mess to solve. Give an inch, he'll take a mile. Say no now to prevent future problems |
Our friend isabel is usually 1-2 hours late to anything we do because she unorganized and spends an excessive amount if time getting ready which she tries to do last minute. We got sick of waiting 1-2 hours every time we go out so wed started telling her to show up at 4 when we are actually meeting at 5:30. We did this like 3 times and she was usually like 10 minutes late still.
Well here's the problem, we were meeting up last night, we told her 6:30 last night and we were actually meeting at around 7:45. She showed up 25 minutes early and is fucjing pissed that we did this, she found out we gave her wrong times intentionally. She says were assholes and she felt betrayed. I told her it's her own fault for being hours late consistently and it was the only way to get her on time | NTA. Being chronically late is a sign of selfishness and of not valuing or respecting other people and their time.
If she was late because she was caring for a family member or work runs her ragged or she had some medical disorder than randomly required treatment, then you would be the ah to some degree, but this girl is doing her makeup and hair or whatever and just doesn't care. Unless her makeup takes a long time because she 's still learning how she wants to cover a recent scar or something... she is just being selfish.
Tell her the real time going forward and stop waiting for her. |
My sister (20f) and I (27f) don’t get along. I’m gay, and when she was 14 she started being horrible to me, calling me slurs and saying I was going to burn in hell and other typical religious homophobic things. She is the golden child so obviously my parents sided with her, she would make me cry and they would tell me to deal with it and expected me to still be nice to her. After a while, I cut them all out of my life. Best decision ever.
3 years ago I married the love of my life, my parents were invited but they didn’t show, no doubt because of my sister. Still hurt. My wife L and I are both very lucky and have amazing jobs and a big house. About a week ago, my parents and sister showed up to my house (no idea how they know I live there) and wanted to talk to me. Turns out sister’s pregnant and they essentially want me to let her move in for free AND pay for everything for her and the baby. There was no apology for anything. I was in shock and my sister was going off about how we have so much space and we could afford to help her out.
I said no. I told them we couldn’t take her in because we currently have L’s two little half sisters staying with us because their mom is very high risk, so we don’t have anymore space. They were pissed and were going off about how I was supposed to help my family and that I was choosing L’s family over my own, I told them they were not my family. I told them everything they had done and say to me and they said I needed to let it go and move on. I asked them to leave. Even if we had space I wouldn’t want her here.
Since then I have gotten so many messages from them and other family members saying I need to help them and take her in. I reminded them of what she has been like to me, and they say I need to be the bigger person and that this will bring us together. Thing is, my parents are going to have to take money out of their retirement fund if I don’t help. They were good parents growing up, when my sister started her bs I was already out of the house. So people have said that i would really be helping them, not my sister. L said we could give her some money, but I don’t want to do that either. AITA?
Edited because I forgot to add that I don’t feel for her at all, I just feel bad about my parents.
Update - thank you all for the kind words! We are not taking her in but might give my parents some money in the future if we see they are struggling.
Also, my sister is 7 months pregnant and just recently told my parents because she couldn’t hide it anymore, so they are desperate because there’s no time to save up now. My mom just sent me my sister’s baby registry and I can’t believe her!!! She is living off my parents and doesn’t have a job but is asking people to get her a $300 car seat and a $700 stroller.
Edit - Please don’t post this anywhere.
Edit- Wow! I came back to like a thousand more replies, seriously thank you all for your advice. Yes, I know my parents are also to blame. They have never been ‘homophobic’ but they never told her off because they wanted to ‘keep the peace’ and I know that’s a shitty excuse but I would only see them like once a month while my sister was there full time and they never want to upset her. And the wedding - my dad called me because my sister was upset she wasn’t invited and asked me to invite her but I said no so they didn’t show up.
The main reason I feel like I need to help them is because they put me through college. I got a scholarship and my parents paid for the rest which was still a lot of money. My sister went to a community college so they didn’t pay nearly as much for her.
Thank you all again! | >saying I was going to burn in hell
"Sis if you need a place to stay, why not ask your husband's family? Oh, you're not married. You had pre marital sex? Hmm, guess we'll see each other in hell then."
NTA. Congrats on the wedding. Your reddit fam is there with you in spirit.
Edit #2
Thank you for the awards everyone. It was an unexpected surprise. |
My wife and I just brought home our beautiful baby. When we got home, I wanted my older son to hold the baby (he is fourteen), but my wife said no. She said she wasn't comfortable with anyone but us holding the baby yet. I wasn't happy about this, but I respect that, as a mom, she's anxious about how vulnerable our baby is. So I let it go.
Yesterday her sister came over and wanted to hold the baby. I said no, that my wife and I aren't comfortable with anyone but us holding him yet. My wife then said it was fine, that her sister was a special case. I said no, that I wasn't comfortable with it. Her sister was offended and left.
My wife is angry with me and says I was an asshole to her sister. I think I am just being consistent. Was I an asshole to my sister in law? | NTA
Thank you for standing up for your son. He is 14, not a toddler. The day prior she was not comfortable, but now it's fine for her sister?
Is son both your child or a stepchild? |
[OG Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvzd4t/aita_for_not_agreeing_to_house_my_pregnant/)
It's been a little bit more than two weeks since my first post and I guess it's safe to say now that the situation has been resolved in probably the best way possible!!
In my last post, I stated that my sister was still living in the car of her delinquent boyfriend who sells drugs and refusing to come home because my parents had disowned her. At this point, I would like to clarify that my family and I are Chinese and it is common in Chinese culture to "disown" your kids when they do something that largely disappoints or embarrasses you. However, this is not a permanent disownment like many of you have brought up; as long as my sister apologizes sincerely and they can see that she is actively trying to fix her mistake and become better, they will take her back as their daughter. (Another clarification would be for those people who assumed that my dad kept us poor since he was stubborn and wanted to work on his business and not get a real job. His business was a passion project on the side. My dad was working 50 hours a week at two jobs.)
Alrighty, onto what ultimately happened with my sister. Despite the chain of advice I sent her, she ignored me still. I regularly checked in with her over the next week to see how she was and she gave me one word replies until they ultimately stopped. I was growing concerned after she didn't pick up her cell, but then I received a call from my parents!!! According to my mom, my sister had returned home crying and begging for forgiveness. She had a serious talk with my parents where she apologized for her behavior and promised to make amends. My mom was very tearful as well. They scheduled a doctor's appointment for her immediately and I believe she went in the next day.
I had no idea what made her finally break and return home so I texted her (first, I told her I was proud of her for taking action and being mature) and asked if anything happened between her and her boyfriend. At first she was pretty stubborn and kept insisting that she was just over living in a car, but after a while she finally admitted that her boyfriend had requested that *she start selling for him if she wanted to keep living in his car and eating his food that he was sneaking her*. LMAO. What a fucking asshole. Glad my sister finally returned to her senses. She told me she broke it off with him and I sincerely hope that's the truth.
This past Monday, she got the pills to successfully terminate her pregnancy. According to my mom, she was begging that they do is ASAP, which was really a breath of relief for all of us because we were worried she might want to keep it.
The future seems pretty bright right now for her. My parents decided to pull her out of the public school and send her to a progressive private school that some of my close friends also went to (it's a fantastic school and I think it'd be great for her). She's officially starting next Monday. I'm going to visit her and my family this weekend and see how she's doing. :)
TL;DR: Sis returned home safely and apologized to parents. Delinquent bf was forcing her to sell drugs for him in repayment for the hospitality that he has provided her in the form of the backseat of his car and McDonald's. Sis terminated the pregnancy and will be attending a new school next week.
EDIT: Forgot to add that the new school also has a wonderful counseling department. I urged my parents to speak to the head psychologist there and they did and she will be having mandatory weekly meetings with her and another therapist at the school. :) | I'm glad to hear everything worked out!
I wish you and your family the best! |
This will sound unbelievable to those not from my country. All I can say is that it is real.
When I was 5, my parents brought my dad’s friend’s daughter X (about 3) to live with me and sister Y (7). X’s family was poor and couldn’t support their children (they had 6) so they sent X here because they really trusted my parents.
X, Y, and I grew up together, and my parents were awesome to all three of us. I had a lot of fun growing up and I am extremely close to my family.
I’m now 29. Three years back, I went abroad for my masters and then went back to my country. There, I met a girl P and we fell in love. I’d like to propose soon and felt like this would be a good time to introduce P to my family (Y already knew of her and P just graduated).
This weekend I told my family that I would like for them to meet someone special and set-up a video call. No idea who they were expecting, but when they realized P was my girlfriend, everything just blew up.
Apparently, they had already “discussed and arranged” my marriage with X years back, and she was the one I would have to marry. X was aware, her father had told her. Cue lots of screaming and yelling, including some choice words from X to P about how she’s a “modern girl” (euphemism in my culture for slut) and how she must be after me for my money (she comes from a richer family). I was just too shocked to react initially.
The next day I told my parents that I look at X as family. They started saying ridiculous things like they’ve never let her into my room (while apparently Y was allowed) and drawing all sorts of other parallels between X and Y trying to demonstrate why X wasn’t like my sister. They also said stuff like no one can understand me better than X and that she will “keep the family together” while P will “alienate” me from them. They also told me I’m ruining the family.
X also cried nonstop and then shut herself in the room, accusing me of not wanting her only because she was poor amongst other things. She also said no one from her village would marry her now because her family has told everyone back home that she’s going to be marrying me.
My sister was not aware of any of this either.
Now – I told X I don’t care that no one will marry her from her village (it is a likely possibility) or that her life is “ruined”. I also told my parents I won’t ruin my life for them to be able to “keep their word”. X’s father is coming to our house once he’s able to (transport restrictions still in place), but he had a long phone call with parents. I’m sure a LOT of emotional blackmail is to follow, and I already feel rather guilty about X because she’s a nice girl.
My sister is on my side. But even if my parents cut me off and at the risk of X ruining her life, I am not going to go ahead with this at all. AITA?
Edit: A lot of people asking me where I'm from - It's a SE Asian country, just don't want to say if it's the exact place you guys are asking about.
X was apparently aware I didn't know. But she was told by my parents and hers that I'm a "Family man" and will do the "right thing" so there's no need to worry. She's basically accused me of wrecking the family too.
My sister is really upset on my behalf, and also that she wasn't told any of this. My sister's family (her husband and his parents) have said if there's any sort of confrontation, they'll be there to back me up.
Not sure if this detail counts, but P is also from my country but also came abroad to study. So that's not a reason as to why my parents are unaccepting of P. They just want me to marry X. | NTA. Although to some extent it sounds like X is a victim here too, so I think saying you "don’t care that no one will marry her from her village" was a bit harsh. She's obviously been given the impression that you were on board with the idea of marrying her.
Your parents are at fault here. If they didn't want you to see X as your sister, they probably should have told you that a few decades ago. |
I f25 married my husband m31 3 years ago. I'm currently pregnant with our first baby together. We found out it's a girl and my inlaws wanted to invite us for dinner for "gender reveal announcement and celebration".
We got there, saw many relatives coming to congrat us and celebrate. It was bigger than expected which made me nervous because I'm not a fan of being around many people.
We sat at dinner table and I barely ate, I was feeling so much anxiety and was sort of upset my husband didn't warn me about how many people were coming, but I tried to stay calm and collected. Anyways, after the announcement and in the middle of the celebration my husband wanted to give a toast. He opened a bottle and poured a drink and wished that our daughter be "healthy, happy, but look nothing like me". Everyone at the table laughed. I sat there staring in shock while he kept laughing with them. I felt so much rage and my anxiety got out of hand ngl. I got up, took my purse and made my way out. His mom followed me asking if I was okay, I told her I just wanted tk go home. He came to the door asking what was wrong that's when we started arguing. He said this was a "joke toast" and that my reaction was over the top, but the thing is eversince i got pregnant he kept hinting he doesn't want our daughter to look like me. He even once got up in the morning and first thing he told me was how much he wished our daughter look nothing like me. It hurt me while I'm already dealing with low self esteem and anxiety. I wanted to go home but he said I was being a baby and that I should learn to take a "fucking" joke. I said he made everyone laugh at me buy he defensively said it didn't warrant me to walk out of dinner and be so disrespectful to the re,ative who came to celebrate and share our joy.
I went home and he called many times telling me to get my "insecurities" in check before j pass them up to our daughter, he urged me to get therapy and stop acting so dramatically like how I did infront of his family.
I think leaving dinner wasn't thf best solution but I just got overwhelmed. | Leaving is the best solution? Yes. And not just the dinner.
He has said more than once he doesn't want his child to look like you. Then he made you the butt of a joke in public. Then he dismmised your PERFECTLY NORMAL feelings. Then he blamed you instead of apologizing.
Pay attention. He had shown you exactly who he is and what he really thinks of you. Believe him.
Edit. NTA
And Wow. Thanks for all the awards and upvotes. |
My best friend Kelly passed away 2 years ago, We were both childhooh friends, she adopted her dog Leo 7 years ago and we became attached to him and he was the bond that made our friendship stronger, When She passed away, I took him in a few months after she passed and it felt like she was there everytime he runs in or cuddles with me.
I recently moved in with my fiance (he lives out of town) and brought Leo in with me, I could sense that my fiance didn't feel comfertable with having Leo live with us, he sat with me and asked if we could offer him up for adoption since I been busy with college and he was busy working, I told him the story behind taking Leo in and he sort of dropped it.
During the last couple of weeks, I was visiting my parents and asked my fiance to take care of him while I was away.
He said okay, I called everynight to check in on Leo and I could hear him bark in background, but a few days later, he stopped. My fiance told me he was outside.
I came back, And I noticed Leo was gone, I waited til my fiance got back and he sat me down and explained that while he was out with Leo, a family approached him and asked him if he was putting him up for adoption and said they were willing to provide a home for him, since their son who didn't let go of Leo lost his dog who looked the same/age as him.
He said he felt sorry for the kid and decided to give them Leo, I was in shock, I lost it and yelled at him that it wasn't his place because Leo was mine, he lashed out saying I was hurting his feeling and overreacting, I told him he needed to get him back, he just gave me their number and told me to handle it.
I've had a hard time trying to get him back and I did eventually, I packed up and moved back with my parents, My fiance is calling and apologizing then saying that He can no longer pay for rent on his own, I didn't reply, my family say I should forgive him and get over it, But I just couldn't, I feel heavy and unable to even talk to him anymore. | NTA. That was NOT his dog, not his decision, and he had absolutely zero right.
He's not actually sorry. He's just realizing how much it sucks to lose a partner and the stability that comes with a committed relationship. That's his problem now. You enjoy your pup, and your life away from someone that inconsiderate and terrible. |
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