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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Help, i feel like my step mom is being very unfair...
POST: So, lets start off by saying im a freshman, so, yes, im young, but i still need help. Last night i was watching Netflix in bed (It was about 12) and my stepmom texted me and told me to turn it down, so i put in headphones, problem solved, right? Wrong. Today my dad came and bitched me out about "Respecting other people in the house" but he doesnt seem to get that right when she asked me, i did more than she asked and made it completely silent for her.
so at 10 tonight im browsing reddit and i get the parental controls time block message... I was pissed, so i just plugged into my ethernet and looked up ways to bypass the system. I found out that i can get into the modem and control it, i am at the last step before i get put in charge of the whole houses Wife, i wouldnt be a dick, i would only remove the time block settings. i dont know whether or not to do it. Ive practiced the lie that i'd tell my dad and i think i can get away with it, but i might not... and to be clear, this isn't asking for moral advice, everyone in the house would still have the same privileges, im not screwing anyone over, this would simply be to allow me to watch netflix (With headphones) past 10... Does r/ advice thing i could do it without getting caught? and if i do get caught, is it worth the punishment (Grounded, definitely no internet past 10.)
TL;DR:
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sepmom put time blocks on wifi, all i want to do is watch netflix at night... Can i put myself as admin without being caught? (Are my lying skills good enough)
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I think I suck at my job.
POST: Now I make mistakes sometimes. Usually fine detail mistakes, like a typo in an important place. Or not knowing that someone put training equipment on a truck and I dispatch it on a job. I would say I could tack up one good mistake per month working.
I just came out of a meeting where I was told that mistakes were not acceptable in my position. It was intimidating because I know I will continue to make them.
I have worked the job I have for eight months, sort of. I was in logistics for 7 months. Then got moved to sales as a supervisor in January, which are really two totally different careers. But not to my GM. He asserted that after 8 months I should have all the mistakes out of my system.
Other than that I do very well. My sales are great. My customer service is top rated. I solved or diffused any number of problems daily in logistics. Of course, the one you miss is the one that gets noted, but that's just how it works.
Fact: I'm not detail oriented. I have to write everything down. My mind naturally moves to big picture questions and goes into auto-pilot fog when it's looking at data or double checking numbers. Sometimes I just straight up forget things.
So what is a reasonable expectation for an employee? Is human error okay? Does it just happen? Does my fight to focus on details mean I can't do detailed jobs to meet career standards? I've been guilty before of believing I really suck at life after things people told me, and had some therapy for it. So I really want to know what a fair standard or "norm" is that I can abide by.
TL;DR:
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Should human error be expected sometimes in the workplace? Is a manager with "no tolerance" for error being unfair or simply having healthy standards for his company?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I buy a new phone?
POST: I have a htc one m7 unlocked, I rooted the phone and flashed CM10 on it, also I just dropped it and the screen is cracked.
I honestly am tired to mess with my phone so I'm not going to buy any screen replacement to try to repair it
I was going to pay the phone repair place to fix my software to put it back to stock
They told me it's going to be 200$ for the whole thing, and with 220$ I can buy a htc one on ebay...
should i buy one on ebay and sell this one on craigslist or should I wait for christmas with the cracked screen and get a brand new One Plus One and sell my phone on craigslist?
TL;DR:
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= 200$ to fix my phone, too much - selling it on craigslist - should I buy the same htc one for 220$ or wait for christmas and get a one plus one for 100$ more?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Am I being a bad friend?
POST: Hey reddit. For a couple of years now I've been part of this little group of friends. There's me, some guys, and some girls. We used to hang out all the time, see some movies, go bowling, shoot the shit. We were good friends, really close. So one of the guys, let's call him Chris, started dating one of the girls, let's call her Mary.
So Chris and Mary date for a bit, seem crazy about each other, and then break up. Chris loses his shit and doesn't even want to see Mary ever again. Two years later, he maintains this position.
My problem, is that I really enjoy the company of Mary. She's fun, she gets me, and I've confided in her quite a bit. Here recently, Mary and I have reconnected a bit. So I've been hanging out with Mary kind of behind Chris' back.
So after all that, my question is, is this wrong? I'm not planning anything sinister here, Mary is just a really chill girl who knows more about me than really anyone else.
TL;DR:
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I'm hanging out with one of my good friends, who happens to be the ex of another one of my good friends. Is it wrong?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Boyfriend and housemates had argument, now its ruining mine and his time together, how do I solve this?
POST: Basically my boyfriend has put his foot in it a bit, said the wrong thing at the wrong time and insulted my housemates in the process (unintentionally but still.)
So last night it all blew up a bit they were asking why he said certain things and that they felt it was disrespectful as they are letting him stay here and expecting no payment towards bills etc... He apologized, bought some wine and chocolate as a peace offering and they said it was ok but they are still a bit offended by it all as they felt he was insulting their intelligence etc..
I have said there is nothing more that can be done and to try and forget it now and go on as normal and let it blow over in its own time but him being a worrier (like myself so I do get it) is continuing to worry and letting it affect his day. I hardly see him due to it being a long distance relationship so I want to make the most of the time we have together, but he is stubborn and saying he doesn't want to do anything today and that he just wants to mope etc.. however that is making it a bit awkward for me as I have already said it will sort itself out as have my housemates, but it will take a little time to be back to normal.
Basically how do I say he needs to forget it and try and enjoy our time together and actually go out and do shit and have a good day and not let this ruin the little time we have in a way that may actually work?
TL;DR:
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Boyfriend put his foot in it and upset my housemates, now he is worrying and doesn't want to do anything but mope, how do I solve this?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How to help GF's parents make friends so she'll feel comfortable moving out?
POST: My (26F) gf and I (25M) have been dating for close to 6 years. The first two while we were in uni, 2 years of us basically trying to figure out life (job hunting, switching etc), and 2 years of having a lot more things figured out on the path to settlement.
For me, 2 of those years was living near campus, 2 years at home with the parents, and then 2 years away from home (1 year about an hour away from the GF, 1 year and currently a 5 hour drive from GF).
For her, she has always lived with her parents.The university was close enough that she didn't need to move out. Now, that isn't to say she isn't independent. She takes care of all the finances, shopping, housekeeping etc at home, but her parents are in good physical health to do this on their own.
So here's where the problem is. I am living quite a bit ways away, but willing to move closer back (sort of giving up a job I love, though might get laid off soon) if her and i moved in together. She'll often mention how she wants to do it and talk about what it would be like. But when I get serious about it, she always brings up how her parents would be lonely and depressed if she wasn't there. Fair enough (I argued we'd move at least an hour away from them so that the distance wouldn't be insane, but no bite)
So now, I'm wondering, with parents that are ~45-55ish age range, and Indian in a community that is predominately Canadian, how can I go about helping her parents make friends?
TL;DR:
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Girlfriend doesn't want to move out of her parents house because they are lonely with no friends. If they weren't alone, she'd consider moving out. How do I help her parents make some good buddies?*
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Simple stuff: Should I have stayed at school with this girl today?
POST: So for some context, I'm 17 and today I had to got to sixth form for the last period of the day. I head to class and I find out it's been called off because of some confusion which lead to most students heading home thinking no class was on. Well apart from me and a girl I'll call Emma here.
We both had an essay to complete in class, and the class being cancelled was a lifesaver as I hadn't revised for the essay. She's a bit miffed now because she can't go home yet as she has rehearsals in an hour. I've known her for a long time but we've been nothing more than casual friends.
Anyways, I get ready to head home again and we walk together back to the common room so I can I sign out and leave. As we're walking back I joke about school and work and she's obviously enjoying the conversation. We reach the common room and turns out it's bloody empty as everybody else is either at home or in their last lesson.
As I'm signing out she reminds she has nothing to do for an hour and asks if I've got any ideas. I don't have anything to do for an hour apart from sit in a shite London commute, but it doesn't occur to me that maybe she wants to sit and talk more.
Instead I just say "right, I'm off, see you." She responds with "*Oh,* err... bye?"
Only as I'm walking alone in the pouring rain, to catch the bus and do fuck all for 40 minutes do I realise that maybe I could have used that hour with her. Clearly we had a lot to talk about, I could have even asked her to go through some of the work for the essay we had to do for the cancelled class - or we could have just continued chatting.
I'm home now, and she probably just spent the last hour completely alone in the common room waiting for her rehearsals. My question is, **am I an idiot for not staying and talking with her today?
TL;DR:
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Girl has nothing to do for an hour but is obviously interested in hanging around with me; oblivious me says goodbye and heads home. Am I an idiot?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Feeling horribly guilty and anxious about telling my boss (who is a good friend) I'm quitting
POST: Throwaway username for obvious reasons.
I am in a professional healthcare position, but I'm relatively young in my career. Straight out of school (doctoral-level), I got my current job. I've been there now for right at a year, and while I love my job and my coworkers, there are a few downsides. First, I have to commute nearly an hour each way on a busy, dangerous interstate. My office is about 50 miles from my home. Also, while I have excellent benefits and some flexibility to my schedule, I'm grossly underpaid for my position.
That being said, I've been pretty happy and wasn't actively looking for another job; however, I was just offered a job with much better pay, plus it's a telehealth (work-from-home) type job. This is huge considering I just had a baby and hate being so far away from her at my current job. My husband and I feel like this job is a better fit for me right now, but I'm feeling extreme anxiety and guilt over telling my boss. My boss has become a good friend in the time I've been here and has been so good to me. Not to mention I already feel bad because she and her husband have been going through a really hard time trying to have (and keep) a baby, and my husband and I came up pregnant unexpectedly a few months after I started my job and now have a healthy baby girl. I already had to break the news that I was pregnant, now here I am again with upsetting news. I just got back from a 6 week maternity leave about a month ago.
Also I should mention that our clinic is not very large, so if I leave right now (my job offer wants me to start in two weeks), it leaves her with a ton of extra work until she finds my replacement. Which may take a while - this is not a field that people frequently job-hop. I'm making myself sick over the stress of telling her. But I know deep down that this is the right move for us. Help! Any advice about how to handle this awkward, horrible situation?
I've seriously considered turning down the job offer just to save us both this heartache.
TL;DR:
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My boss is wonderful and a good friend who is having personal problems of her own - now I have to break the news that I'm leaving for another job after only one year.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My childhood friend is squatting in a shed. How do I help him?
POST: My childhood friend (23 M) (we'll call him Lyle) has led quite the troubled life. His mother was a drug addict who dropped him as a baby. He needed surgery afterwards and his elderly great aunt and uncle sued his mother (their great niece) for custody of him. His mother moved into the home with her uncle and aunt and Lyle some years before passing away of a drug overdose when he was 15.
His uncle passed away when he was 20 and his aunt was placed in a palliative care unit as she was unwell thus leaving Lyle alone in the world.
This is where he starts making really poor choices. He ruined the grandparent's house by letting his deadbeat friends run rampant in it. He let them drive his uncle's car, (left to Lyle in the uncle's will) which they totaled. Eventually a family friend who was appointed by his great aunt as power of attorney intervened and evicted him from the aunt's house in order to fix it up and sell it.
Lyle moved into a place in the seediest part of the city with some people he claimed were gang members. He had a falling out with them and last I heard he was squatting in the shed behind his (currently unoccupied) aunt and uncle's house.
He tried to live with the family friend with power of attorney, but they had a fight and he was kicked out. I've heard rumors that Lyle gambles, stole money from his sick grandmother, and has been diagnosed with schizophrenia (I don't necessarily believe this, he was always a weird kid and I could see a doctor who didn't know or understand him reading his peculiarities as symptoms) He's still working a pretty decent job right now...from the shed.
I grew up doing tae kwon do with this kid. I've known him for 15 years and it's really hard to see he's in such a bad place. Short of taking him in myself what do you think I can do? Who should I call? Should I talk to him? What should I say? Our old Tae Kwon Do instructor can possibly help talk some sense into him.
I'm in Canada.
TL;DR:
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My childhood friend is living like a homeless man after all his relatives died and he gambled away all his money. What should I do?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How should I handle this hit and run?
POST: While trying to drive home last night, my car got stuck in a steep curve covered in ice. I couldn't turn around to park at the bottom of the hill, so I backed as far out of the curve as possible and left it there for the night. The car was completely off the road.
When I walked down to move it this morning, I noticed it had been hit, denting the fender pretty badly. It had obviously been hit by someone coming down the hill. My boyfriend found a note stuck in a window that said "DUDE SERIOUSLY? Move your car IDIOT." I'm not a prideful person, I realize that I was not parked in the best spot, but if I could have moved my car, I would have.
Is it petty to try to find this person and get my car fixed through insurance? My car is already pretty beat up, and I was prepared to just let it go, but I'm feeling pretty pissed about the note. I understand their car probably slipped on ice and they got freaked out/pissed off. I'm sure they didn't hit my car on purpose. But I never would have left someone a shitty note, I would have left my name and number. I live in a small neighborhood, so I am positive I can find out who they are. But before I go to the trouble of filing a claim, I want some objective opinions on whose fault it really is.
Thanks!
TL;DR:
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My parked car got hit by another (moving) car on an icy hill. Is it my fault or should I find them and pursue an insurance claim?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Probable Oxy Withdrawal (non-emergency)
POST: **Note: I've tried googling for my answer and it's all a lot of medical jargon for some. Other questions I'm really just seeking some personal experience or knowledge or assurance or whatever. I'm not asking for medical advice, I'm just curious about this and how to deal with it like, socioemotionally currently.
**
I'm recovering from an ankle surgery I had last friday. I've had two similar procedures in the last three years. All three times I've been on decently heavy opiod-based drugs (oxycodone, etc.) for short periods of time. I cut the narcotics quickly this time, without much weaning&I moved to less intense pain medication yesterday.
I feel like the withdrawal from the narcotic is really strong this time. I've experienced the hot flashes and probably some of the other stuff before, but not enough to be able to identify it as a withdrawal quite so explicitly. I've slept 3 hours out of the last 38. I'm getting a bit existential (like, unhappy existential) and paranoid when I'm left alone at night (scared of monsters & phantoms, etc.). I've been having severe sweats, have resumed anxious self destructive habits that I haven't visited in many months, and have angsted and cried at my parents like I haven't done since the hayday of my teenage years.
**1. Is tolerance to narcotics/opiate pain relievers reduced with this kind of short, spaced usage?
2. How long will this last?
3. What can I do to help myself not feel totally insane? I need to fucking sleep but can't.
4. Is this normal?
TL;DR:
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I think I'm withdrawing from the pain killers I was prescribed and I'm trying not to go batshit. See above questions.***
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: i think my best friend's other friends are bad influences on him. how do i tell him?
POST: my best friend and i have been best friends for 8 years and we are as close as brothers, he has been hanging out with this other group of guys for probably 5 years and they do drugs and drink to excess and stuff, my best friend and i like to party but they are dropping molly and acid and doing shrooms and coke and stuff, granted only on a once in a while basis but i think its bad and im worried he's going to get hooked. ive brought it up before that i dont like it and he just gets defensive and says he barely does it. i dont think he 's a drug addict but im worried it could lead to that. how do i address this with him?
TL;DR:
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my best friend is doing drugs with his other friends and i think they are a bad influence on him. how do i confront him about it?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Renting & Pool Repairs
POST: My husband and I currently rent our house which happens to have a pool. Our contract states that we are responsible for maintenance and cleaning of said pool, which to make sure everything is done correctly we pay the pool service that the landlord prefers to take care of it.
When we went to start thinking about opening the pool for the summer we noticed that the pool had drained. It turns out that there is a hole in the liner somewhere presumably toward the bottom.
Our landlady has been awful to work with since the beginning. We pay our rent on time every month, and we have done repairs out of pocket that leave the home in better condition than when we moved in. We have only asked her to fix one issue during the almost three years we have lived here.
We had a plumbing issue in which water was backing up into the house. We have no children, but she kept insisting that a child must have flushed something down the toilet, and that we would be responsible for the repairs. When she was finally faced with the reality that nothing had been flushed she asked to see the contract because she was sure that all repairs were our reponsibility. They were not, and the pipes were fixed. I could tell you a couple hours more worth of stories about her that would blow your mind but I will stick to the current issue from now on.
I beleive the pool liner has a hole in it from normal wear and tear which means she should pay for it, but she is refusing. She again is claiming that a child must have ripped the liner. I am so frustrated with her, but I don't know if I have any recourse. I realize that a pool is not a necessity, but I do not want to pay costly pool repairs for a pool that is not mine. Also, she has threatened to take our security deposit if we do not fix it. It's starting to feel like I am renting a money pit. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR:
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our landlord is seemingly of unsound mind, and is trying to make us pay for expensive repairs that are normal wear and tear.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Need a really smart and experienced person to help me .
POST: Hello , im writing this out of desperation as i am in the hardest predicament of my life . Basically i just finished my first year of dental technique and had to pay 1k euro for the first year , and now i went to a private lab tolearn how dental technique in real life actually works , not the bullshit they teach us in school , but the thing is that the boss there is a completeley arrogant prick , hes not an evil person , hes just arrogant calling everyone stupid and makes sarcastic jokes about me implying that im not passionate enough , too slow and will never make it , at this point hes given up on me completeley but he is willing to let me come look at them work , maybe i can learn trough that .
The second problem and the biggest one is that i realised im not really passionate about this profession at all , thats why i cant put the effort that i know i could put into it to really learn and excell , i would instantly quit but i REALLY dont want to dissapoint my mother and my grandmother because they have supported me financially for this whole year and i dont want their money to go to waste and to crush their hopes
TL;DR:
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Im a little bitch and i just now after 1 whole year realised i dont like dental technique but i dont want to quit to dissapoint my parents.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My patient won't let me do physical therapy on her but her family want me to
POST: I (23F) work in the Philippines as a physical therapist with a passion. I care for the elderly on most occassions and I enjoy my career.
I visit one of my patients (+80F) during home care. She smiles and is hospitable to me, but she refuses to let me do my job for her. When I tell her family this, I tell them that I cannot conduct physical therapy without the patient's consent. It's part of the rules. I suggested switching to a different therapist but they insist on having me work for them.
I don't know how to help them. Are there any experiences nurses that can give me some advice or share with me some of their experiences? Do I persevere or do I comply? I would appreciate the gesture.
TL;DR:
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I am a physical therapist. Elderly patient doesn't want me to do therapy on her. Her family need me to do it for her. What do I do?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Life/Travel/Work Advice
POST: Hi there.
So to explain my situation: I'm 24 and have lived at home since graduating and have a job at a top football team. It is by no means my ideal job and although its provided me with great experience I don't find it challenging anymore and feel like I've learnt all I can.
The salary isn't great but I've managed to pay off my overdraft and save about £4k. Most of my friends have moved away to other places and I think the time is coming to move somewhere else, travel and become more independent.
I thought I'd ask people here who may have been/are in similar positions. Ideally I look at now as the perfect time to travel and see the world, but my parents have the view that you shouldn't really leave a secure job until you have something else in place. Then again, they grew up in a different generation so I'm not sure they see things from my perspective.
I understand their view but at the same time I don't want this time to pass me by, as before I know it I could have a home, a mortgage, a wife and kids (!) and everything will be even harder by that point.
However, the world just seems so big and I have no idea at all where to start. I know Spanish and conversational Mandarin from my Uni degree and spent a year in China and Spain so I am used to travelling abroad, although I have always been with other friends during these times. There are so many places I'd like to go such as the US, Tokyo, Russia but have no plan in sight.
I've considered teaching abroad, although I'm not massively keen, unless it was the only option to travel. I quite like marketing, and I'd like to use my languages somehow. I've read a lot of posts about things people wished they had done at my age and a lot of them said 'travel while you were still free', although it is scary when I realise I may have to do this on my own seeing as most of my friends are settled in their various placements.
Sorry for the long winded post, just wanted to get everything down. What advice would you give me? I'll be sure to read every response.
Thanks for reading!!
TL;DR:
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Have £4k saved up and looking for a new job/adventure outside UK. Speak English, Spanish and Mandarin. Want to see the world. Help.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Stuck between learning a skilled trade or continue college. Please Help.
POST: I'm in my second year at Community College and I need help deciding my future. Coming from a low-income family, I never had much of any opportunities growing up. My siblings are virtually useless people, who would rather go to parties and do drugs and never help our parents. Luckily I have always been one to help my family during tough times, as I continue to go to school to better my life. The problem is that I don't know what to do. I want to learn a skilled trade because it has always been a fascination of mine (HVAC, Carpentry, Automotive Repair, Plumbing) something that is both useful and functional. Don't get me wrong, I'm currently working on a mathematics degree. My past intention was to go to a four-year university and get a Bachelor's degree in Mathematics; however, unlike most of my peers that ignore the current trends of higher education, it is getting more and more expensive to get a bachelors degree, and I know that the trades are highly underrated. The problem is that I am the first person in my family to go to college, and with a viable chance of earning a Bachelor's. I feel that my family wants to make an example of me, in which I am some sort of beacon of hope, and if I diverge on my current path and go learn a trade, it would be a slap in the face to all of my friends and mentors, as well as being seen as a waste of potential. So here I am on Reddit seeking the infinite wisdom of my fellow redditors. Please help.
TL;DR:
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Smart first-generation college student from a poor family. Likes building stuff and learning technical skills, friends and family thinks I am wasting potential. I am lost and don't know what to do.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: First time poster - just got fired but have options. Need some advice!
POST: I'm gonna preface the story with some background info: I work in a small café Inside of an office building. The cafe is mainly for the tenants. I've been there since last December and today was my "last day in the kitchen". The staff includes me (kitchen guy), a day porter, and the building manager\my boss. We have another kitchen staff lady that works mon/wed/fri. I'm there everyday in the morning at 5:30.
This morning when I walked in there was a puddle on the floor near the freezer, which is when I noticed the freezer door was slightly ajar. All of the contents in the freezer were slightly thawed and so since most of the contents in there were cooked I assumed it would be fine if I just shut the freezer and let the stuff re-freeze.
I knew it wasnt good, but I didn't think it was a big enough deal to bother my boss about. What I didn't realize is that my mistake would've been very bad for my boss if anyone had consumed the food cause people would've gotten sick.
My boss gave me an ultimatum: either quit, get fired, or switch jobs with the day porter where I would make the same wage but with 30hr/week instead of 40. The problem is I need money and I've been pretty unhappy there since I've been there and don't really want to go back. This happened maybe 15 min ago and I was sent home to think about what I want to do. Help please reddit?
TL;DR:
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I had my last strike in the kitchen; got a choice to quit or switch jobs for less hours, but have been unhappy there and want to leave.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Need help with getting an internship
POST: I saw an internship I'm really interested in and I made some changes to my resume so it would look a little better. I'm looking for some advice on how to write my resume for this internship.
The internship is for a financial firm that helps turnaround failing businesses; they are looking for someone part-time to help with preparation of financial presentations, business plans, plus graphs and charts. Also they are looking for students who have training and insight in the financial performance of companies.
I don't have a lot of experience and I'm not trained or have insight in the financial performance of companies. I do have some skills and achievements which I decided to put in front of experience and education on my resume to grab the employer's attention. Do you think that's a good move or does it make me seem like a show-off, since I don't have much experience and I'm still a college student?
I would love to hear from more experienced and successful people in business/ finance but anyone who feels they have good advice please share!
I would appreciate advice on primarily resume/hiring but interview and other professional advice is welcome too.
TL;DR:
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Need help with my resume so I can get an internship. I want to show my best skills but I don't know if that will come across the wrong way.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I found an internship online. I think it's a fraud what do I do?
POST: I applied to several IT internships online at internships.com. On Monday I got an e-mail reply asking for an online Hangouts interview for a position as a virtual data entry position that worked at home. I looked at the e-mail I noticed some spelling errors this got me suspicious. But didn't think it was a big deal. I went through with the interview making sure I didn't give out any crucial information such as SSN. The interview was done through messages on Hangouts. I only gave the recruiting officer my name and address but that was already on my resume. I answered a couple of questions. And the officer said I was hired and paid $35.00 an hour. This got me so suspicious $35.00 an hour that's crazy for an beginning internship. Then he sent a list of programs that I needed to purchase but he will send me a check via mail so I can purchase the products. He said to purchase it after I get the check. He also asked what bank provider I have. I replied to him "Chase" I didn't give him my bank number or anything. And he that training and orientation started tomorrow, not in-person interview or anything.
Then later today I got another e-mail for another online internship. It was the same e-mail I got before but with a different company name and a different recruitment officer. The same typos even occurred. This further confirms that these internships are fake. I am not sure what to do now. They have some of my personal information such as name, phone and address. What should I do? I was supposed to report online tomorrow morning. Should I just ignore and block him? Thanks for everyone that replies.
TL;DR:
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Got an beginner internship with a wage of $35.00 believing it's fake, but they have some of my information such as name, phone, address. What should I do? I was supposed to report online tomorrow morning.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Can't decide on which College to attend..
POST: So starting in September I have the opportunity to go back to school for video game design, which is great, but I'm stricken with a difficult decision. Essentially I have narrowed my choices down to two separate schools.
Pro's:
-Cheaper tuition
-Placement opportunities
-good reviews
Con's:
-Living is expensive (Toronto)
-The programming I have done in the past wasn't something I was overly interested in
-Longer course
Pro's:
-Private college with smaller class sizes
-compressed course (74 weeks straight)
-interesting content
-I am already in the city that offers this program
-living is cheaper
Con's:
-It's a private college (Tuition is through the roof)
-I am not an artist (they say you don't need to be)
-it will double my student debt (bringing it 50k+)
Other notes:
-A big factor that is weighing my decision is that I am also in a long term relationship that very well may turn into a long distance one if I decide to go to Humber. Currently i Have been living with her for the past 2 year, and if I move to Toronto, I would be doing it alone; whereas if is go to Trillium, I would continue living with her (sharing expenses)
-Something else worth noting is the private college gives you all the tools you need to do the program (tablet, programs, books). This is all included with your tuition.
-on a final note, due to financial issues, transitioning to Toronto would be a difficult one. On top of moving fees as well as starting rent, I owe $1050 to Humber before I could get in. The same can be said for Trillium, but I would only owe $545, and it would be cheaper to move.
TL;DR:
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Can't decide on what school to attend. Public college is cheaper and has a well credit program, but cost of living is more. Private college is expensive, but cost of living is cheaper and more convenient to attend.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I (m20) don't talk to my family anymore.
POST: Me and my parents fought a lot. We were never really close at all. My dad drinks all the time and my Mom doesn't do anything about it. Whenever my dad was drunk he would always tell me to move out and go find my own place and stop eating all their food and that they can't afford me living there and I'm a lazy shit. My mom wouldn't really do anything about his drinking at all except tell him to stop yelling and that drinking is killing him but she would never follow through with doing anything and he would continue to drink. Me and my mom have never really had the ideal relationship either, she was always mad at me for something. We would argue all the time over little things. So about 8 months ago we all had a huge fight and I finally packed all my stuff and moved out. So far, over about 8 months, I've made it all the way to Ohio and I left my parents back in California, I'm kinda proud of myself. I haven't seen them since or talked to them. My plan is to go to New York City (find my fortune in the big city sorta thing). I've been living out of motel rooms and hitch hiking so far. I been living off of money I saved up before I left my parents but I'm almost out. Has anyone else Been in this kind of situation? How did you manage? How did you starting making money? This is the first time I've been on my own. But I'm excited and optimistic. I don't really care to see my parents again. Fuck em. I'm 20 years old.
TL;DR:
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Me and my shitty parents fought, I moved out, and I'm on my own for the first time with little money.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I recoil from almost all female contact.
POST: Background:
I am a 16 year old male with no sisters or female friends. I also attempt to treat people how they treat me.
A few years ago, I was watching TV with my mum, and I go to reach for the remote. Somehow, I accidentally touched her breast, and she was horrified that I would do something like that. I was horrified that she though I would try to grope her. This upset me quite a bit, as it was definitely a mistake. My mother is the only consistent contact I have with a female.
You know how people stereotype groups they don't have much experience with, right? Well since I have very little experience with females, I got it into my head that they all think things like "Oh no, all men are out to rape me," sort of how my mum reacted. This combined with the 'treat others how they treat you' mentality I have, I now physically recoil from girls, trying to keep at least 1 metre away. (I now have one female friend, or friend of a friend, idk. I don't know why she hangs out with us.) Also, whenever a girl is nearby, I just shut the hell up, like she'll judge me just for speaking my mind and being male.
Additionally, my father has often made somewhat misogynistic comments, like "They're feminising our education system, and demasculinising our men!" This may contribute too.
Anyway, I would love some advice on how to get over this; many people seem to think I'm gay (I'm not), and I would like to get a girlfriend at some point in my life, so the earlier I fix this the better.
TL;DR:
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I accidentally touched my mum's breast a few years ago, now I recoil mentally and physically from female contact. My hugs are like the Voldemort one in the 8th Harry Potter Movie. Advice, please?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I want to go to college but don't know where to start.
POST: Ok guys, let me lay down some background here. I am a 20, nearly 21 year old male who currently works as a truck unloader at walmart. This job means I work Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday from 4p-1a. I have an unreliable vehicle right now and when I left High school my gpa was less then 3.0. I know at the beginning of my senior year it was a 2.0 I'm not sure what it is right now to be honest.
I'd like to go to college to pursue a career in programming. When I am working on a project I get a lot of joy out of it. I also feel like I'm ready to move out of my mother's house and get some independence. My problems lie in the fact that I don't work a typical job so I don't see how I could schedule school around my work. I also have the problem of financing school. My credit isn't that fantastic and neither is my mother's, there is no dad in the picture. I know their may be some grants but I'm not sure what is available or if it will be enough. I'm worried because at any point I could end up with a large vehicle repair or I could lose my current job and be stuck with college debt and have to drop out of college.
TL;DR:
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Poor credit, unreliable vehicle, and odd work schedule. How can I still get a good education to get myself out of this rut?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: A Concert Ticket Dilemma
POST: I promised my friend a ticket to a concert that we've been meaning to see for two years now, and we were both very excited. The tickets are complementary due to a program I'm part of, and I usually get four, but this time I got two tickets only. However, my little sister also wants to go to the concert. I don't know who to priortize. My little sister (who's a year younger than me and we're very close) or my best friend (who's a year older than me and we're close like siblings)?
One thing was odd though and [that's what my best friend said after I told her the news] I thought it was rude, but is it justified for her to feel this way? Should I give the ticket up and give it to my best friend or is she trying to guilt trip me? I'm so confused, is she even a good friend?
TL;DR:
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Do I give the concert ticket to my best friend or my sister? Is my best friend ungrateful and justified for being annoyed?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I think I'm depressed but I want a straight answer, I'm never sure if it's just a rough time or if it's a problem.
POST: Hey guys, I'm 18 years old and my adolescence was a trying time for me, with a lot of emotional ups and downs which is "normal" for a female going through puberty, especially one as sensitive to hormone fluctuations as I am. However, the last few months (since this semester started basically) have been weird for me. I feel tired all the time and usually sleep 12-14 hours a night. I have trouble going to class and when I go, I usually can't focus. I feel fine a lot of the time and laugh and joke with my SO, have a healthy sex life and social life but if I'm alone and things are quiet, I get very down and extremely lazy.
Now, being lazy would be ok and normal except for the fact that it's extremely out of character for me. I was a fantastic student in high school and my first year of school I pulled just over a 3.0 (not great but not bad either). At this point, this semester I'll be lucky to pull a 2.5 and not for lack of studying either, it just seems like I woke up stupid all of a sudden and I can't retain anything anymore.
I used to love to sing and play viola and since being away at school, I've lost the drive to even do that anymore, practicing is a chore and I'm not passionate about my music minor or my chemistry major like I was a year ago. Also, I've been really gone lately, I've run 2 red lights in the last 6 months just because I wasn't present. I know it's dangerous but it's not a normal thing for me, I just don't understand.
Things that I used to find easy, enjoyable, or fun just don't feel that way anymore and I don't know if it's just that life in college is harder or that I am slipping. I hate getting medical advice from reddit but the last time I went to a therapist she sent me home telling me that it was my boyfriend breaking up with me that was making me so sad and that it should go away (this was about 4 years ago and obviously it's back with a vengeance).
TL;DR:
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I was the perfect student in high school and my first year of college and this year I can't even get out of bed
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: 21f, might be in love with best friend?
POST: I don't know if I'm bisexual or not. I know I'm attracted to men, I always have been. But... I don't know. My best friend is so gorgeous. And she's so kind, and just generally wonderful. And I think I want to kiss her. I've never had my first kiss, but I think I'd want mine to be with her. I even have sexual thoughts about her sometimes. And well, I don't know - we had a big fight and I started breaking down and she asked me if I was in love with her, and all I could say was "I don't know" - since then, other friends of mine have told me that I wasn't in love with her so I told her that, but I think it's because they don't know the full extent of the story. I really want to make her happy because she makes me so happy... and I just want to hold her and be like a couple with her. I don't know. I'm scared, I don't want to be in love with her. But everything points to yes, right?
TL;DR:
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I'm pretty much in love with her and I can't deal. I don't want to have sexual or romantic feelings for her. How do I make them go away?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Are roommates expected to become friends with other roommates?
POST: So basically, the housing market where I live is overpriced and grossly overvalued. Because of that fact, the only choice I have in getting somewhere to live is to move into some kind of sublet or roommate situation. I am not a college kid. Yeah, I'm 23, so I'm not exactly old but I've been on my own for a while now and don't plan to go to school until the spring. In addition to that, I have a lot things I trying to fix in my life (getting my credit back up to what it used to be, working, saving up money, getting over a breakup), so I'm really not in a good headspace to want to be or attempt to make friends with anyone, even a roommate. I kind of just want to pay my portion of the rent, and just go to my room kind of thing. Is it fucked up to want that ? Do I have to try and feign interest in having a friendship with someone in order to have a place to live ? Seems kind of plastic to me, and that would really make it hard to feel even remotely at home.
TL;DR:
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Do I have to forge a friendship with a roommate or can I just pay my portion of the rent and be a recluse in the room?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I email her again or is it not worth it?
POST: I'm 22 and working at a hospital. I got signed up for a 5 day study testing kinesthetics. The person conducting the study was a girl (maybe 24?) who was part of that lab. She's from England and studied at a prestigious university. I spoke to her from day 1 to day 5 of the study during breaks and such.
We grabbed breakfast together on day 3 and sat and spoke for a good 20 minutes. I asked her out on day 5 (Friday morning) and she gave me her email address. She explained that she would add me on whatsapp and we could work out the details, and also told me to email her my number.
I emailed her with a simple "hey it's Alex. My number is ...." that Friday evening. She did mention that she would be out of town with friends on Sat and Sun. She still hasn't responded (Monday evening). Maybe I'm being expecting a quick response or maybe she's just busy. I'm not sure. Is this a dead end or should I wait a few more days and email her again with a more direct "are you still interested in going out etc"? Thank you.
TL;DR:
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English girl gives American guy email address after asking her out, guy emails her but no response for 3 days. Wait longer or just a waste of time?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm unhappy. He's unhappy. Now what?
POST: My husband and I have been married almost a year.
He has changed. He seems more reserved and depressed now. I told him that I was worried about him, and asked what I could do to make him happier. He said nothing was wrong.
He hasn't been wanting to have sex/foreplay/anything. I told him that I missed it, and I tried changing it up to get him more interested. Little to no improvement.
I finally told him yesterday that I was lonely, I missed him, and that I have needs that he is not fufiling.
I am a high school teacher. I have really hot 18 year olds try to get with me regularly. I am not a complete idiot, so I know to shoot them down nicely, but I did tell my husband that it sickens me that I love the attention. I should be getting enough attention at home so that I dont crave other men's attention.
Speaking of which, this has been going on for about two months. I met a guy yesterday that I had been talking to online. I know, terrible. I just wanted to be touched again. I wanted someone to flirt with me, to talk to me. Well, we met up, made out, mutual masturbation, but no penetration. Is it cheating? I know I am emotionally... but physically?
Anyway. I don't want to throw away my marriage. I just want him to want me. I want sex, flirting, dating, fun. All with him would be great. I have tried to take us out, make date nights, even do things he enjoys but I hate (with a buyable smile, mind you), but he still pouts too damn much.
Any advice?
TL;DR:
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I miss my husband wanting me, what can I do to make him want me again? Is kissing/mm cheating?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm in too deep with my best friend/fuck buddy PRACTICAL advice wanted please
POST: My two best friends from college (let's call them Jane and Oliver) were a couple and we continued our friendship post-college as we lived in the same city. I always knew Jane was a little manipulative and could get a little irrational, but two years ago she completely lost her shit and showed her true colors. She moved to a new city, broke up with Oliver after a long string of bad behaviors and ended our friendship when she perceived that I was spending too much time with Oliver (this is after she begged me to "take care of him" when she moved).
Oliver and I were pretty messed up from losing someone we both relied on so much in such a dramatic way. We quickly and predictably (read:foolishly) sought comfort in one another. In hindsight I would tell him what a bad idea hooking up would be, but the sex was so good initially and I was smitten. I mean, we were friends for that long for good reason.
Now it's two years later; we're still extremely close friends and occasional fuck buddies. I've been in love with him for a while, but I know that he doesn't return my feelings. I am reluctant to talk to him about it because I know it would change everything and I feel pathetically reliant on him and the intimacy I've found in our relationship, even if it's not everything I would want.
I also have the great misfortune of having to deal with the combination of being painfully self-conscious on top of having a high sex drive and a need for physical human interaction. Therefore, I don't want the occasional sex to end either as I don't have any other prospects (likely due to the fact that I am obsessing about him so often... do you see my problem here?).
I'd really appreciate some realistic advice! (cutting off ties with him would not be emotionally realistic for me right now)
TL;DR:
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I am in (unrequited) love with my long time friend and fuck buddy of two years and don't know what do to. It hurts.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm going to be staying at my girlfriend's parent's house over night for the first time. Any advice?
POST: My girlfriend and I are in a LDR. We're both 25 and like many people our age who have piles of student loans, we both live with our parents.
I've visited twice before, for a total of 8 days. I'm planning a visit for new years day and the following weekend.
Each of my last two visits, I've stayed at nearby hotels, which in this city, even using hotwire/priceline cost me a total of $750. Before my last visit, my gf's mom offered to let me stay with them, but I wasn't really ready for that nor could I get out of my hotel bill.
Anyway, her mom invited me to stay with them this time around. I'll be in the basement, with the dog and the cats who rock, while my GF sleeps in her room on the second floor.
Here's the thing, I'm worried they're all (my gf, gf's mom and dad) concerned about sex. However, we're not really ready for that. I'm her first boyfriend, we've been dating less than a year, we've only spent a total of 8 days together in person and I frankly would like to kiss her well ahead of any sexual activity occurs. (Yes, we haven't kissed.)
Is there anything I should/shouldn't do to dispel the thoughts? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Any protips or advice would be great.
TL;DR:
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I'm staying at my GF's parents house for a week, in a separate room and I'm nervous they're worried about sex stuff happening, when it won't.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Leaving a job with nothing lined up
POST: Hey guys,
I am from Philadelphia, but moved to Baltimore a year and a half ago for a job. It was exactly what I was looking for after leaving college, but I was apprehensive about leaving home. Fast forward to now and things have not worked out; I'm doing poorly at my job (in my opinion at least - I make a lot of mistakes, I can't seem to keep up, not understanding, etc.), and I haven't made any friends here so I am homesick. On top of everything, I was so stressed over the summer that a medical condition I have started flaring severely and hasn't really calmed down. My parents are encouraging me to quit my job and come back home. They would have no problems with me moving back in, at least for a little while, and I could go on my Dad's insurance as I'm under 26. I don't have a job that I could easily transition into back home, though I have thought about temping or just taking some simple desk job (my ambition has kind of died). I know I want to go home, but I'm not sure if leaving my job next month when my lease ends and simply moving back home is the best idea.
TL;DR:
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I want to quit my job and move back home, but am not sure if it's a good idea when I don't have a job lined up.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Accidentally insulted my friend, he doesn't believe me that I didn't mean it the way it sounded, what do?
POST: I have a friend who is a stay at home dad, I think that's fantastic not only because it means his girls get a strong male role model but also because it means he's always available to play video games with.
Recently he asked me on Threema which band I liked better "Men at work" or "AC/DC". I replied with an admitted bad attempt at a joke **about the band** by saying
> i like men \*who\* work better, but ACCA DACCA is pretty sweet.
No sooner had I pressed send than I realised how he was going to take it and started trying to explain myself. But it was too late, the damage was done and he now thinks I think less of him because he's a stay at home dad. He's refusing to talk to me. What do I do?
TL;DR:
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Told a bad joke about a band, causing my stay at home dad friend to think I was belittling him. What do?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I quit my part-time job to go full-time as a mechanical engineering student [long read]
POST: So not sure how to start but my issues are more about personal issues I'm dealing with my girlfriend and her family. How does that relate to my question? Well, I got accepted to a state university in California for mechanical engineering. Although I should be rejoicing this admission after not doing so well a few years back at another previous university, I am rather contemplating whether if I should transfer out due to circumstances. I'm currently living in my girlfriend's parents and her parents are not exactly the best support group I have right now but are at least helping me be at a better state economically. My parents can't support me financially because of their health issues so it was best that I seek to live on my own. Due to this, the girlfriend decided to let me live with her family. Now, to why they are not the best support group? Well, to start out they want me to be on the look out for my gf. Taking her to work and picking her up regardless if I have homework the next day or need to catch on sleep; the issue is I don't have a car so usually either walk to her job, bus it, or get an Uber to get home after picking her up. I work a part-time that is normally between 25-35 hours per week (depends how busy we get) while going to school full-time right now in computer science at my local community college. Her stepdad is strict so if I do see my parents(which live about 30 miles from where I am now and takes 2 hours on public transportation one way), I am not allowed to sleepover. My brothers ask where am I and I just say I'm so and so place. My dad covers for me whenever they are more demanding to know where I'm at. Lastly, since the gf is on paying back her student loans, I'm not sure if me quitting my part time job will upset my gf and piss her stepdad because I doubt he'll be supportive of me going to school full-time and not working. I just want to succeed in school but I'm afraid to fail miserably again after my plan to go to pharmacy school went to disaster the first time I was at a university. Sorry for the long read.
TL;DR:
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I want to go full-time for mechanical engineering but highly doubt the gf's step dad will not approve of me not working.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Finish university or "start" my own life?
POST: The scenario is the following: I [24M] have a semester left of uni which I consider pretty useless so I just want to finish it and get it out the way with the diploma in my hand. On the other hand since I'm still living at home and I feel very frustrated because of it (not because of the aforementioned fact but because I know living alone would be much better, I'm much more productive when I'm alone wonder why).
I'm working for a small company 4hrs a day to cover my expenses and learn a few things about leading a company (because I'm planning to start my own). It is good because I can go whenever I want so I can go to uni. But that 4hrs a day is not paying enough for me to move and live on my own. I can't take a 9-5 because it wouldn't allow me to take the classes which leads to me failing the semester.. buuut I would have the money to move.
So.. am I just a whiney little bitch who is having "first world problems" or am I just not seeing the obvious thing?
Should I just sit on my ass and wait till Feb/March or get a normal job and start my own life and finish the uni ?
TL;DR:
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Should I finish university first and wait till I have the time to get a 9-5 or start my own business, just bury my head in the sand and let things run their course -
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm sick of no one taking me seriously [M20]
POST: I'm sick of everyone laughing at me when I don't hear them properly. I'm sick of them calling me a 'baby' when they just look at me, I literally can't do anything without them calling me 'cute'. Does no one realise how embarrassing and humiliating it is for your 'friends' to call you 'cute' when you show any sign of emotion? If I show any sign of anger they call me sassy, I'm not friggin sassy I'm trying to get my point across that I hate being treated like a baby and that it's my natural face don't insult it by saying I look harmless. Yes I'm physically smaller and relatively skinny but so many people, even strangers, have said I look cute for the sole purpose of embarrassing me.
This is an update thread from this thread. I've tried acting more dominant but it's just not working. No one can take me seriously and everyone's making fun of me because of it. I'm in my first year of university and am hoping to make new friends next year even though I'm living with some of these guys.
TL;DR:
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My 'friends' keep calling me cute and oblivious when I don't think they realise how annoyed it makes me feel. How can I stop this?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Issues with school and where I live. What should I do?
POST: Okay, I will try to keep it as short as possible.
My issues with school are that I am not motivated to attend class. It isn't exactly what I was thinking it would be. I am interested in the subject, but it hasn't lit a fire under me or anything. I don't look forward to attending lectures, completing assignments on time if even at all, etc.
I am one and a half years into a four year program.
My second issue is that I don't like where I live anymore. I grew up in this city and I've just found that as time passes I find myself wanting to leave more and more. I have no friends (literally) in this city and nearly my whole family is estranged from me. The only person that holds me to this place is my boyfriend.
I've had starry eyes for another place entirely. I still want to go to school, but I feel in confident at this time because of my lack of motivation and sort of "lost" feeling. I also don't have a great job so money is always an issue.
So I'm basically seeking advice on what I should do. I haven't invested a lot of time and money (as far as university goes) into school so in my mind I can justify changing programs. As I mentioned money isn't the greatest so I am scared to move away and lastly, I haven't the slightest idea on how to plan for something like this. I don't know where I should look, if I should try to lock down a job, etc.
For terms of scale on the move that I would like to make:
I live in Ontario in Canada. I would like to move to either Alberta or British Columbia. It's like basically going across all of Canada.
Anyways, literally ANY advice will help me. Thank you very much.
TL;DR:
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I am not motivated in my program and I want to leave my city. I need advice on what I should do about these issues.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Ive been seeing a girl with a boyfriend, need advice please.
POST: The manager and me at my workplace are really flirty and friendly, smacking butts playfully and such and i make her laugh constantly, shes got a great personality. the only thing is she has a boyfriend that also works at our workplace.
Last week i went on a walk with her and told her i liked her, to my surprise she said she liked me too and later that night we talked for hours and were making out for a long time. Since then we have had nights like these three times, the latest involved oral sex for both of us (fucking amazing), we were talking and sharing everything with each other that night aswell.
Getting to know her I realise I love this girl, its killing me that she has a boyfriend. She is currently thinking over her situation on whether or not she stays with her boyfriend or leaves him for me. She is conflicted with bad feelings for cheating, but it seems she likes me enough to forget those feelings.
Its killing me the waiting, does anyone have advice regarding what i could do to win her over? I know that im being a bad person in doing this but i love her so much, please dont hate i just want some advice please. Anything i could do to win her over or if i shouldnt try.
TL;DR:
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I love a girl with a boyfriend, she likes me aswell and is contemplating whether to stay with him or date me.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: You know that guy in the group that's not really close to anyone but he's just there? Yea.. How do I NOT be that guy?
POST: Right so, I make friends fairly easily but I tend to not get close enough and for some reason they end up thinking I hate them.
Usually I don't mind but just last night I was walking back from practice with my teammates, they're nice guys and all and on the court they all trust me and whatnot. Anyways, we have this thing where the new players get to take their revenge out on us, seniors, for what we did to them in initiations.
As they were talking about I realized that during my initiations the year before, no one actually messed with me or did anything awful really and during their initiations I didn't really do anything to them. I don't really care about that stuff usually but when they were talking about getting their revenge and listing the things they did, they kind of just brushed me off for obvious reasons.
As we were walking one of the other guys was like ''oh what about you'' and I just replied ''I don't talk shit to anyone and no one talks shit to me, so i'm safe'' and so he yells out ''but that's BORING''...
I have one really close-friend but she admitted to liking me and she has a boyfriend.. So it got weird and I told her we should probably stop talking. Also, while we were friends I told her not to discuss her boyfriend problems with me because I don't care - huh.. I think I just found part of the problem. Thanks reddit.. might as well post anyways.
Soooo my question is ***how do I not be the boring guy in the group?
TL;DR:
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I'm usually the boring guy in whatever group of friends i'm with, how do I not be that boring guy and be more approachable to banter.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I be worried about my obsessive thinking over women? What is wrong with me?
POST: To clarify, I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. I have no idea how this frightening (and almost hilarious) thought first infected my mind, and I cannot stop unconsciously comparing every woman I see to my mother.
These comparisons have been driving me nuts for almost two weeks now, and I don't know what to make of them.
To provide some context, I have never had a good relationship with either of my parents (I definitely don't want them to be a part of my life). I am also about to begin college and have never been in a relationship. However, I've always wanted a connection with someone. Perhaps a lack of romantic satisfaction in my life prompted these meaningless and bizarre intrusive thoughts?
Sorry if this question made anyone uncomfortable. I was certainly unsure about whether I should post this embarrassing thought, but I felt that I had to get it off my chest. As I said, It's been driving me nuts.
Would it be best for me to divert my attention from women and focus on doing well for myself? Could that help me shoo away some of these thoughts?
Also, does anyone know if self-guided cognitive behavioral therapy or mindfulness meditation could be solutions to my problem?
TL;DR:
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I am morbidly afraid of my future girlfriend or spouse reminding me of my mother. How can I prevent these thoughts from unintentionally popping up?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: [Personal] I'm fed up of friends that won't commit.
POST: Hi,
Specific town names etc removed to avoid any risk of someone this concerns reading this.
So, I used to live in a city on the south cost of the UK. I grew up there, school, college and 3 years of working in an office there. I wasn't a lonely person, I had a large group of friends from school/college/work etc.
In 2014, I decided I wanted to go back and study in University and the best offer I got was about 150km away. I accepted it, and I'm now just about to enter my second year. Things are good here, good group of friends etc.
Now, the issue is that my friends back where I used to live - I come back often to see family and try to see them when I could. Unfortunately, family passed away now, so my only reason to go back is to see my old friends. However, whenever I plan to come down, once I've arrived they make excuses and won't even meet up for a coffee.
I'm a student, and I don't exactly have a lot of money. It isn't cheap (almost two weeks of my food budget) to come that far, and it's depressing that I turn up for everyone to let me down.
So, I'd like some advice - what would you recommend? Should I confront them and ask them why they won't take even half hour out to see me? Or should I accept the hints being given, and that I was more a friend of circumstance?
TL;DR:
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moved from city a to city b, whenever I return to city a old friends never available to see me. Unsure if bs or not.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Shit, idk what to do with my friend
POST: Alright so this is gonna be kinda long. So i have this friend and she has a brother and i had a crush on him for about a year. I knew him and had a crush on him before i met his sister(she is a year younger than me) and last year i tried to ask him out but he politely declined, but we still remained friends anyways and i acted like it never happened, at the time.
My best friend became friends with his sister and eventually i started hanging out with her too. She ended up being really cool so i slowly became closer to her as friends. Then for a few months things went on as usual with her brother and i even hung out at his house with both of them as i started becoming better friends with his sister. Then in these last few months he started ignoring me (we used to text everyweek, even after he told me no). Now i am really good friends with his sister(we even went to an amusement park together a few weeks ago), but now she is inviting me on a weekend trip with her family and i know her brother is gonna go and idk what to do. Btw he started ignoring me first and i havent talked to him in a month even though we go to the same school, he just avoids me on purpose. He is also socially awkward, but we used to be friends so idk what happened.
TL;DR:
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Former crush is best friends brother, now he ignoring me and their family is inviting me on a sleepover trip with them, idk what to do
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Issues dealing with Amazon refusing to refund a missing order
POST: So i've been dealing with Amazon for over a week not trying to get a refund for an order I placed. I purchased an Olympus EM5II and Olympus 17mm. One item was shipped via On-Trac and the other was shipped via UPS. I didn't receive either shipment and immediately filed claims with Amazon. I've been calling every other day and each rep has tried to give me the run around asking me to check back later and today a supervisor finally told me that Amazon would not be refunding me because of the amount of the order. I've had shipments go missing in the past and have constantly requested signature requirement for all packages and on occasion they do. I'm not always at home and there's a lot of foot traffic around my neighborhood, but at this point i'd rather not blame anybody. I just want to know what my options are now because this is utterly ridiculous and there shouldn't be any way that Amazon can get away with something like this right?
TL;DR:
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I'm out about $1400 right now and Amazon has refused to refund me or take responsibility. What do I do now?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I need help finding a specific kind of job
POST: Note: This is a bit more realistic than my previous posts. I want to make ok money (over 10$ an hour), doesn't require education or experience. I don't mind working hard though, like "I can't get up the next day" hard. All the easy jobs either pay nothing or require education so I figured I'll just get my hands dirty. This is only temporary though as I plan on getting my real estate license. I basically want to save up as much money as possible in say 6 months so I can A. get experience B. buy a car & C. Buy clothes as I only have 3 outfits at the moment. Once I have a car I'll get a job at a dealership. That will help me because if you can sell a car you can sell a house (I think).
TL;DR:
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I want a high paying job (at least $10 an hour) & I don't mind busting my ass/getting my hands dirty.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I am a high school varsity soccer player (football for you nerds in foreign lands), I have doubts about my motivation. HELP ME D:
POST: Okay, so to start things off this is not the first time I have had motivation/ambition issues. Last year (as a freshman, I am a sophomore now) I was offered a varsity spot but declined. Not due to concern over riding the bench, but over concern over whether I wanted to play varsity with strangers, or JV with my friends. My school soccer program is not very good, and I just do not know if I even want to play, let alone varsity. It is the 2nd week of our season, practices are insanely tough, and the coach wants me. I hate to toot my own horn but I am one of the top 3 players on our team. Do I lead my team on, and take a starting spot without being motivated to keep it and play to win, or do I quit and get ridiculed like I did last year when I didnt want to play varsity? My parents also would probably not support me quitting either. I have 36 hours from now to decide.
TL;DR:
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idk if motivated to play varsity soccer, do i lead team on being unmotivated, or quit and get ridiculed and anger my parents? 36 hours from now I must decide. hit me
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How can I be firmer with my housemates?
POST: I live with my boyfriend and another couple and the two of them are driving me insane. Let's say one of them is called Bob and the other is called Sarah, Bob is the laziest, rudest and the stupidest person I have ever met, he doesn't show any common courtesy to my partner and I, he sleeps and lazes on MY COUCH all day, complains at me because I own too many things, but still happily uses all my stuff. Now Sarah, Sarah isn't as bad as Bob, but Sarah doesn't hoover, Sarah complains about things not being up to her standard of cleanliness, even though she doesn't clean.. She also thinks it's acceptable for us to buy all the amenities for the home, and complain about it when we say it's her turn. They both have no respect for any of my stuff, nor do they respect that when we have family over, we'd like to have the living room for ourselves, Bob will just sit in MY chair as well as on my couch and just play video games whilst my parents are there. I recently had my partners family over for his birthday and we had to retreat to our bedroom because they don't have the capacity to understand common courtesy. I want to be firmer and able to tell them to grow up, but I don't know how!
TL;DR:
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I want my housemates to show some respect but don't know how to tell them without coming off as a jerk.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Wrestling Regionals vs. Other priorities?
POST: I'm a high school student and I hot accepted to regionals for wrestling (which is an honor). However it is this Friday going into Saturday and Friday night is our school dance that I was going take my girlfriend to. She straight up told me that she would be a little upset if I didn't go to the dance, because I had promised her. I also have play practice, which I am a lead in, all week as well as numerous tests. So reddit, what do I do? This is my first year wrestling, so I may get my ass kicked, and I may do it next year, but for now I don't know what to do.
TL;DR:
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Do I go to a huge wrestling tournament, or take my girlfriend to a dance I promised I'd take her to?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I file for unemployment even if I don't need it right now? (In California)
POST: I'm unemployed, but it's not through any fault of my own. I was working as a temp, and my boss let me go because he mismanaged his budget and didn't have enough money to keep me on.
Anyway, about me...I'm a 22 female and I have enough money for 4-5 months of rent and food for where I'm currently living. I'm a recent graduate, which makes it hard to find a job because everyone seems to want 3-5 years of experience in my field. I'm applying to office jobs too - I'd be fine being someone's assistant - but no responses so far and I'm a month in.
My boyfriend has urged me to file for unemployment though. At first I thought it'd be great because who doesn't like free money? But one of my friends pointed out that I shouldn't file for unemployment until I need it - because there are other people who need it more badly than me.
What should I do? I am torn because I feel bad if I take money from these people who work so hard if I don't need it. At the same time, what if something goes wrong in 4-5 months? I don't know if gas prices will go up, if food prices will go up because of drought, or if rent will randomly increase.
TL;DR:
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I have 4-5 months money for food/gas/rent. Is it wrong for me to start getting unemployment benefits now? Will it be taking away from other people who need it more?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How can I soothe my anxiety towards the future?
POST: I want to get a bachelor's degree in Digital Art, I love to draw and have done it off and on for a little over 10 years. My fears have been going through my head all month, I'm afraid that I won't be good enough to get a job in that field of work. I am good at drawing but I am overwhelmed with the thought that I could be not good enough to get a job. I'm 18 and have just started community college so luckily I have some time but I am just terrified of doing all of the work to get the degree just for it to be waisted. So, I would like to know how I can get over this fear and go full speed ahead to achieve my dream. Please avoid telling me to not get a job in Digital Art because it'll be "unsuccessful". My fears may be big but they are not strong enough to cause me to give up this goal.
TL;DR:
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I need advice on how to get over the fear of not getting a job with a bachelor's degree in Digital Art, even though I am dead set on achieving this dream
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm moving out of state with my SO, ~10 hour drive with a cat. What's our best approach?
POST: Hey, /r/Advice, this is my first time posting here. My significant other and I are in our mid 20s and we're moving out of state by the end of June. It's the first time we'll be moving out together with a pet and we've accumulated some things since living together so I've come to you for advice.
The basic scenario:
* We both own our own cars, 4 door compact sedans
* We live in a one bedroom apartment with no real furniture except a mattress and box spring
* We own a cat
* The drive is approximately 10 hours
* Neither of us have any experience operating or driving a truck
* Cat doesn't do so well in the car, she meows and yowls but we have let her out of the carrier and that does help some. We have only taken her on ~30 minute trips at a time.
I've looked up some options like using PODS and uShip containers, but those seem much pricier than renting a truck or a van. The cheapest option seems to be towing my car with the truck to our destination, but we're uncomfortable with that idea since none of us have experience driving a truck, let alone pulling a car with it.
The most common advice we've seen online is to purge, purge, purge. If we squished everything into two cars, I think we could make it work, but the problem is we own a cat and that complicates things. We'd want to make the ride as comfortable as we can for her.
So... the question is: what's the best approach for us to move out of state with the cat? Frugally would be ideal, but if we have to spend a little more to make the process easier for us and for our cat, that'd be great!
TL;DR:
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Look at bullet point list above. Moving out of state with a cat. What's the cheapest and/or most convenient way for us to make this happen?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Afraid of liking anybody?
POST: Throughout high school I dated two girls from before freshman year to the beginning of senior year. The last relationship ended badly and I was crushed for months. I was not happy by myself and quickly figured out I was relying on the relationships for happiness.
Coming to college, I started with PUA material (I've now dropped that and only go for girls I know) and, as a result I didn't even intend, became 1000% more confident. I'm happy by myself for the first time in my life.
I've since had a *lot* more success with girls and have gone on dates with a number of them. I have recently ran into girls that I actually *want to want*, if that makes sense, to possibly go farther with but I feel like I might be afraid of leaving the "by myself" happiness it took forever for me to get to. I feel like I like a girl but I'm telling myself "No" simply because of a change that might go awry.
I don't know. Any advice or experience with this?
TL;DR:
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After being happy by myself for the first time ever, I think I'm talking myself out of going farther than dating with any girl.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I quit my PhD program?
POST: I'm 6-7 months in to my PhD program. I feel burnt-out, demoralized, and unhappy with life most of the time. While I have a great opportunity to study and live off of my fellowship, I feel like I have no life or motivation for anything else anymore. My health and happiness have both deteriorated. I miss having a social life and spending time with my friends in a non grumpy way. I already have my master's degree and came from industry, so I don't think it would be too tough to go back. I just fear what others will think of me. Am I failure, a quitter? I don't think so. I'd rather put my health, happiness, and life above that of a PhD program, especially when I'm not as enthusiastic about it as I used to be. Does anyone have a similar experience or advice?
TL;DR:
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6-7 months into PhD I want to quit. Health and happiness are more important to me than this, but I'm afraid of looking like a failure.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I become more involved in social media? [SERIOUS]
POST: I've never liked the idea of social media, it's always been in my nature to stay low-key and in the shadows while everyone else is updating their statuses non-stop, hash-tagging everything, taking selfies etc.
I have found using social media extensively to be slightly obnoxious, egotistical, and sometimes utterly pointless. I have always considered it a tool. For example, searching twitter for traffic updates or keeping in touch with friends on facebook that don't have phone numbers.
Now I am faced with potentially having to use the exposure aspect of social media as a tool. My career field(personal training/strength coach) is overrun by selfies, #gymlife #gainz , vines, instagram, all that. I have a fake facebook, no twitter, no instagram, no vine, no youtube channel, nothing. I am in the process of opening up my own business soon (still about 2 years away), and am coming face to face with the reality that I will eventually have to market my business and myself through social media.
What I would like some input on is whether I should start getting heavy into this stuff now so it will be an easier transition once it becomes a necessity, or if I can continue to build a solid reputation in the fitness industry and open up social media outlets for my business alone while remaining somewhat anonymous myself. Any kind of advice would be very much obliged, thank you!
TL;DR:
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Work in fitness industry, faced with pressure to become involved in social media yet I am reallllllly reluctant to do so.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Is pride worth this?
POST: Hey guys. I am completely mentally drained and just need some outside input on my situation. Me and my fiance are having the most terrible luck. He was working in the oil field in North Dakota and unfortunately got laid off. We were forced to relocate to a small farm that hasn't been lived on in over a decade. The first week we were here things were fine. We chopped enough wood to get us through the winter. (we are in Minnesota and our source of heat is a wood stove) We have to buy water for drinking and cooking. One night after a shower, laying in bed I hear a gurgling sound and get up to inspect. There is raw sewage literally spewing from every drain, every toilet, leaking through the floor, filling the basement. We have to replace the septic pump. We are drowning in bills and have been taking showers at truck stops once every week or two. We have been stripped of our dignity. We are literally shitting in buckets and burning the waste. We have been cleaning the aftermath for a month, while still living here. I have never felt so defeated. I have debated starting a gofundme but I have NEVER asked for help with anything. We have always been stable and work hard for everything. Unfortunately this is something we can't obtain on our own. Should I swallow my pride and ask for help?
TL;DR:
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cannot earn enough money to replace septic pump, living in flith, one truck stop shower every week or two, shitting in buckets, to swallow pride and ask for help or continue to try my hardest and get nowhere?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I feel backed into a metaphorical corner.
POST: I'm 19, male, studying CS in my first year, and I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. My CS classes are very hard and extremely time consuming, and I've never had a formal job before in my life (never needed one).
I thought I wanted to do CS because I am very creative and enjoy creating things. I've written songs, stories, and plays, but this was one of my first years seriously writing code (largely in C++ if you're curious). I actually enjoyed it at first. My first two introductory classes were enjoyable for the most part, and I learned a lot. Then came the third introductory class and things took off to a whole new level and I began to struggle hard.
One of the few relevant things going for me is the possibility of an internship this summer for a data company, but if I do take the job, I won't enjoy it. I'll sit by myself at a keyboard for hours on end, while I try to keep up with content I haven't seen or worked with before in a language I don't really understand. The boss told me himself that they expect their interns and employees to pick up things very quickly and adapt to whatever the circumstances may be at a moment's notice. If the level of adaptability needed is anything like what my third class is like, I'll have more gray hairs than Jay Leno by 30.
My mom is very insistent that I finish at least two years of CS and to pursue this opportunity because she thinks I'm lazy and spoiled and have nothing else to do with my life at this point.
TL;DR:
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My classes have increased exponentially in difficulty, my mom thinks I'm lazy, and I have an opportunity to intern doing work I won't enjoy.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Need help with parents and university
POST: So as you all know, the college app season is upon us and everyone is super stressed and anxious and I'm having such a hard time with my mom. She very recently got diagnosed with cancer again (3rd time) and is extremely opposed to me going to a university that is about 2 and half hour drive away. They want me to commute 40 minutes to a university that is extremely new and small and I'm not exaggerating is in the middle of nowhere and has nothing to do. Both of my older brothers go there and have no complaints because they are not social people so it seems so crazy and new that I actually want to leave and go to a better university (UC Santa Cruz).
Because she has cancer, she wants the whole family to stay together for as long as possible because it is pretty serious this time around. I understand this, and I get it, and I want it to. But I know if I go to the university close to home, I will not be happy, and I've tried to see it in positive ways to make it work but I really just can't see myself going there.
I have no clue what to do. I am so completely stressed with school, the cancer, and all this college shit. I feel so guilty for wanting to go away, but not one part of me wants to stay home, especially with such an amazing university only 2 and a half hours away. Can anyone give me advice?
TL;DR:
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I want to move away for college, but mom with cancer wants me to stay home and go to a boring/not so good college
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: In need of girl advice
POST: First time posting here, so I'm not entirely sure if this is the right place to post, so let me know if my situation would be better placed elsewhere.
One week ago I was at Freddy's (burger place) with one of my friends and we were just eating, talking, etc. Then this chick that works there walks up to us and asks "how is everything?" and other generic Freddy's employee talk, you know the usual. At this point I had just gotten off of work so I was still in my work uniform (button up shirt, pretty biz casual) so she asks "you look really nice, what's the occasion?" and I just respond "oh I just got off of work." She asks where I work, we have some more small talk, then finally she says "Well I just thought you were really cute and had a really nice smile" (basically something to that effect) and walks away.
This all happens moments before I was about to tell my friend I was with about this incredibly gorgeous girl that was working behind the counter at Freddy's that I was basically going to approach and get her number. But, since this other girl came up to me first, I couldn't go to the other cute girl because that would be really rude, obviously.
Fast forward to yesterday, I went to Freddy's again with some friends. Cute girl is working again (but this time not at the counter, more in the back where she was definitely out of my reach) and the other girl that approached me last time wasn't there. There is this guy that works there (he was also working last time I came) and he came up and was talking to us and was telling us that last time I was there the girl that was into me was just talking about me pretty much her whole shift to him and other employees. He said she just kept on saying how gorgeous I was and stuff to that effect.
TL;DR:
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Girl says she's into me, I am into a different girl, they work at the same place that I visit weekly(ish).
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I think I want to switch majors.
POST: Hi r/advice. I'm new to this sub but I am feeling really confused and not sure where else to go.
I'm a junior in college. My freshman year when I was trying to decide a major, I chose design because I like to draw and I am pretty good at it. I started doing design classes at the community college the following summer, then applied to my university's design department in the fall. I didn't get in, so applied again in the winter. This time I did get in. I was so excited I jumped for joy. Well, I've been in the program for about a year now and all I can say is ... I'm not happy.
I never look forward to going to class, I'm unmotivated and the general attitude of people in the industry just sets me off. The hours for projects are LONG and when I'm done I feel like what I've created isn't even that great. Last quarter I had an awful professor who made me feel like crap, so I'm partially worried that I'm still just feeling unmotivated because of that, but I also really just am not that excited to be in the department anymore.
I go to a big university, and the design department honestly feels like its own little private school where I see the same people every day. I don't like that at all, and I also never bother to immerse myself in the design community. There's a design club and I've never been to a single meeting.
I started a minor in psychology in the fall. I have only taken 2 psychology courses before (currently enrolled in my 3rd) and I am much more excited about it than I ever was about design. I am strongly considering switching majors, but I don't want to act hastily and do anything I regret. I'm unhappy as a design major, but my parents are really proud of me for it and I worry about what my peers would think if I just dropped out. I wouldn't be able to do it until the end of this quarter though.
TL;DR:
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I want to switch my major but I'm worried about what my parents would think and I'm nervous about judgment from my peers and that I won't like my new major either.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm thinking of leaving Facebook.
POST: I have been a user of Facebook since 2012. I was pretty okay with it, posting pictures and jokes. I use Facebook as both entertainment and communication. But, as a hefty amount of people have pointed out, it sucks now. And I can see why. I've only been able to put up with it for so long, but I fear I may have reached my limit.
Every day I have to see a "#KidsWillNeverKnow" post, "Like if you agree" post, a Zodiac sign post, improper use of emoticons, images about drugs/alcohol/anything minors shouldn't have, the dumbest of memes, attention-seekers, chain posts that are borderline ridiculous, stolen content, someone sharing a BuzzFeed post, people that act like they were dropped on their heads as a child, and/or all of the above! And even though that only infuriates me, there's one setback. My loved ones. Only on Facebook can I communicate with some of my friends and family members. I also think about how heartbreaking it would be if I quit and that took something from them somehow, i.e., making their day by posting a joke I heard. Plus, I like to use Facebook to pass the time, make announcements, and get word from some of my favorite content creators.
Not only that, but I have a friend that is a content creator and Facebook is the way I get informed of it. What should I do in this conundrum?
TL;DR:
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I want to leave Facebook because of all of its bullst but it's the only way I can communicate with a lot of my friends and family. Help?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Advice for smoking neighbors?
POST: This hasn't been a problem until recently, but for the past few months my apartment has been smelling of cigarette smoke a few days out of the week when I come home. I know my upstairs neighbor smokes, though when I spoke to her about it she claims she 'only smokes outside'. But this is a gross, deep apartment smoke smell, not a passing in the breeze waft. I spoke to my landlord about it, but she says she has called the neighbor who denies it, so won't do anything further. There are only three units in the house, one belonging to me, one to the smoking neighbor and the other my landlord keeps as an office space. She definitely doesn't smoke.
So, reddit, what would you do if it was you?
TL;DR:
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Cigarette smell seeping into my apartment, upstairs neighbor denies smoking inside and landlord will not pursue further than a phone call.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Want to stop getting depressed everytime I feel lonely
POST: So basically I just moved in to college in a new state with no one from my high school going here. School's been going on for 2 weeks now and I have made a couple friends. Also I recently joined a lot of clubs (most of them haven't actually started yet though), so I don't think my problem is necessarily how to stop being lonely, bc I've been working on that and I know it'll get better over time.
My real big issue is that everytime I feel lonely (basically the weekends bc I'm not seeing people in class) I get super depressed about it. It's really annoying and frustrating that I can't just enjoy time by myself. Back in high school I loved alone time. Obviously I don't want to always feel lonely, but when I'm done hanging out with friends and go back to my dorm, I wish I didn't get depressed about being alone.
Also, the girl that I feel is my closest friend I've made here (I'm M btw), I'm really into her. I've already asked her out and got rejected, and I know it's ok, that stuff happens. But it really sucks hanging out with her and her friends and they talk about guys she's into infront of me. Obviously I still really dig her, but she's not into me, and I can't just cut her off bc she's probably the best friend I have here. So I guess that's another thing I need advice for. Tbh I've been having girl troubles for like years now. I think I'm decent looking and most people consider me a funny and kind guy. I just don't know why I never have luck with this stuff.
So if anyone has advice that'd be awesome. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR:
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how can I enjoy time alone without getting depressed from loneliness AND what do I do if my only close friend as of now is the girl who rejected me but I still have feelings for
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'd like to be more involved in the reddit community. What steps should I take?
POST: I wasn't even entirely sure what subreddit to post this in, as it got removed for 'askreddit', but I feel discouraged from even posting due to all the specific rules of reddit.
I in no way mean to complain about the structure of reddit; I understand it is necessary for reddit to function smoothly. But sometimes I really feel like I need to take a college course on Reddit's rules and regulations before attempting to post any sort of content. I have attempted to post multiple times in different subreddits and I often get automated, moderator notifications listing a plethora of reasons my post could have been taken down.
Does anyone have suggestions on how to understand/simplify 'proper reddit etiquette', or pages that may help alleviate my confusion? Becuase I honestly feel as though reddit can be this sort of clique that you have to know inside information about before you can actively participate.
TL;DR:
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I don't understand the rules and etiquette of reddit, but I'd like to participate more and stop being another 'lurker'.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Self abusive GF is in real trouble
POST: My girlfriend (27) hates our living situation. We both teach in Korea and will be eligible to leave together next year, March, and go back to my home country of South Africa to start work. We've been in Korea for 4 years at this point.
She hates the industry, as it can be fake and very anti-foreigner at times. She hates teaching, and having to be disingenuous with parents about how their kids are doing. She feels like she is wasting her life doing this. She also has severe back problems but refuses to get PT because it costs too much in her eyes. I agree the whole thing's not ideal but I tend to stay very positive and have been a rock for her to lean on.
But her mood swings are insane. She's clearly somewhere very bad emotionally because when things get bad she descends very quickly into hopelessness and anger, and very often points the finger at me. She talks about killing herself, but then qualifies it by saying she only thinks about it in a "if a car ran into me, I probably wouldn't jump out of the way" sense. She also blames me for not "manning up" and marrying her so we can leave sooner. Her attitude and negativity though have made me really uncertain.
All of that was fine and well until tonight she was having computer problems at the last minute before an assignment had to be handed in. She ran into the kitchen and got a knife out of the drawer and stabbed herself in the thigh around six times. The cuts are very shallow looking and she's not in any danger, I immediately got out the neosporin and the band aids and patched her up but what the flying fuck just happened? She has to go! It's basically a death knell for our relationship because i can't trust her to not hurt herself in SK now. Like I took the knife from her and marched her back to her laptop to finish her assignment while I patched up her leg but holy shit. What if she's at home alone and something makes her upset and she kills herself? Or is this BECAUSE i was here and she'd never do it if there wasn't someone to feel sorry for her, in which case who the FUCK am I even dating?
TL;DR:
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gf stabbed herself in the leg out of frustration tonight. I don't know what the appropriate thing to do next is.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How do i become closer friends with someone who has a lot of difficulty making close friends?
POST: * **If any of the two people referenced in this story read this PLEASE stop. You should know who you are. message me before and i will explain fully**
Alright so i was a senior and i just graduated, i'm not the sharpest tool in the shed and never claim to be, i'm a geek by all accounts but i'm fairly sociable for a geek i'm deep into tech and all kinds of bleeding edge stuff.
* Older brother = tom - 16
* Younger brother = neil - 15
*i would very much appreciate if i were not grammar nazi'd to death i get it, this is not a formal essay so please get off my back also names are redacted for privacy*
**Now to the question**
me and tom were friends starting early my senior year we got along all that time and i even went over to his house a few times and vice versa we get along very well (althow he shares some of what is described below but to a much lesser extent)
me and neil share a common group of friends and thus by association became friends ive always thought that neil was a pretty cool guy although its very obvious that he is extremely shy and doesn't like being a center of attention. normally i gravitate to the shy people because they always wind up being more trustworthy friends^in ^my ^own ^personal ^oppinion
I have tried on multiple occasions to try and spark a more open friendship between us but none have produced anything really... helpful but what I'm trying to do is maintain a friendship with both brothers at the same time and get on a more personal level with neil could anyone offer some tips on how to become friends close friends with someone who is extremely shy?
TL;DR:
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= trying to make close friends with extremely shy younger teen (not my family) don't know how to become closer without sounding weird/desperate
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I have a friend who is drinking throughout her pregnancy. She is giving the baby up for adoption to a nice family, and they have no idea..
POST: Hello Reddit. Thanks for reading my post.
I have a friend (early 20's) who accidentally got pregnant 8 months ago. She didn't find out for a long time, and during that time, she was drinking extremely heavily and possibly using drugs. When she did find out, she continued to drink, even up to this day. She is going to give her baby up for adoption to a selected family. According to her, they are very nice and well-rounded, and are extremely generous to her. But they don't know that she has been drinking. So far the doctors are telling her the baby is 'healthy'.. but who knows what could turn out once the baby is actually born. The baby could have serious brain complications later in life (example: I know of a woman who used substances throughout her pregnancy and now her child has serious mood/mental problems as well as seizures).
I think this is extremely terrible not only for the baby but the family. I can't talk to her about this because she is stubborn and doesn't realize how bad this is. I feel extremely bad for the family because they are expecting a healthy baby from a seemingly nice and responsible young woman.
Is it my place to try and inform the adoption services or something? I don't know any information, and I would want to remain anonymous. If this is not my place to do so, then I won't. But I'm wondering what other people think.
TL;DR:
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Friend is pregnant, giving the baby up for adoption. Drinking excessively throughout pregnancy. Can I do anything? (Other than talk to her about it, because that will not work.)
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: "The Grass is Always Greener" - Career advice from those who went to college after university
POST: Hi everybody!
I'm a 24 year old female living in Ontario, Canada - and, like many in my generation, have gone through years of university only to come to the end of it wondering what the point was.
A bit of background on my education and work experiences:
My undergraduate degree is in Environment and Resource Studies and my graduate degree is a Masters of Environmental Studies (Tourism Policy and Planning Program). Although I recently moved out of my parent's house, I lived with them throughout my schooling and have thus graduated debt-free. I have worked as maintenance at a conservation area, as an administrative assistant within the university, and as an intern with a regional tourism organization. Social media has (almost without my awareness) become my only tangible 'skill' (if a skill it can be called).
I am currently watching the job market and applying regularly to positions which I feel suit my current background. Despite having worked hard and applied myself to my schooling all these years, however, I routinely wonder what I actually offer to the world and yearn to see something concrete come out of my future work efforts.
I've always had a fascination with the skilled trades, but in high school felt like I was too dumb and awkward to ever pursue them. Now I have more confidence in myself and want to expand beyond mere book learning into the practical arts. I strongly respect people who are able to create things with their hands and desperately want to get away from the empty arrogance of academia.
Clearly, I'm searching for the polar opposite of the lifestyle/mindset that I've known for so many years. Am I just suffering from a case of 'the grass is always greener' on the other side of the fence? Am I wrong to want to pursue another line of work outside of the desk job? Any advice is much, much appreciated.
TL;DR:
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I've just graduated university with no practical skills and am fantasizing constantly about going to college to learn a skilled trade.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Probably just being paranoid, but I'm not sure
POST: Okay so earlier tonight my dog was out in the backyard and he started barking like crazy. This isn't terribly unusual because he's kind of territorial by nature, so we go out and sure enough, there are raccoons in the tree by the fence. He was still going nuts so my mom went out to get him to come inside, but the phone rang so I picked it up. It sounded like a middle aged guy, and the first thing he said was, "hi, did you look at caller ID before you answered the phone?" I was confused so I just told the truth (no) and his follow up question was, "do you have caller ID?" I told him yes, then he said, "well your dog is barking like crazy, do you think you could get him under control?" This was a bit odd because only one of our neighbors has our number and it's a woman. Nevertheless, I told him, "I know, I'm sorry, there are raccoons in the backyard and he's a bit territorial, we're bringing him inside right now." After that he started asking about the raccoons (how often do they show up, does the dog attack them, do they attack the dog, etc.) to the point where it was like a phone survey and it almost felt as if he was trying to keep me on the line. Then he asked me my name, which I confusedly and stupidly told him. Then he asked if I would tell my husband about this conversation. I have no idea what that meant, but I just told him "no" even though I'm a 17 year old girl and I obviously don't have a husband. After that he said goodbye and hung up but I've been feeling a bit uneasy about it all night...should I do something about it or am I just being paranoid?
TL;DR:
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A creepy sounding guy called my house to tell me to stop my dog from barking and asked a lot of strange questions, should I be worried?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm in trouble at school, really need some advice
POST: Today, in the totally unserious mood of a Friday afternoon at school, I made a huge mistake. People at my school play this game called "Oreo". If you lose, the winner picks a person for you to ask out. Well, today, I was asked out (the guy lost at Oreo). And for some reason, I thought it would be hilarious to just flip the guy off. Of course everyone at his table, including him, burst in to laughter. He flipped me off right back. No hard feelings, right? Wrong.
First I should mention that this kid is no angel. He constantly swears, and makes a ton of innapropriate jokes. I usually don't get in trouble, so you can see why I need advice.
Anyway, at the end of the day, he went over and TOLD on me, even though he had given me the finger right back. I have no idea of what to do on Monday, can you guys please help?
TL;DR:
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I flipped off a kid at school, it was all laughter, he did it back, then proceeded to turn me in. I don't usually get in trouble, advice is desperately needed.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Friend's Boyfriend Might be Cheating on Her
POST: key:
mum = my mum
dad = my dad
brother = brother
M = brother's friend
Y = brother's other friend
girlfriend = my girlfriend
S = girlfriend's friend
myself = me
So I live with my mum, dad, brother, his friend (M), and my girlfriend. My girlfriend's friend (S) is over almost all the time and so is my brother's other friend (Y). This means I live with 6 people, with 2 over almost all the time other than to go home and sleep.
Mostly my Brother, Y, and M hang out on one floor of the house and my Girlfriend, S, and myself are on another, and my parents chill in their bedroom mostly.
S, my Girlfriend, and myself are all quite close. My Brother, Y, and M also close with eachother. Between the two groups of us we're not super close however, except that recently Y and S started dating. It's a rocky relationship but S is pretty insecure and really wants it to work, but me and my girlfriend get the impression Y doesn't seem that invested. So a few days ago M tells my girlfriend that Y is cheating on her, and my girlfriend tells me because she doesn't know what to do. I mostly trust his opinion partly because he's very blunt and crude with that sort of thing, and I've overheard them talking when I walk past their room on my way to the kitchen (they're kind of loud).
My question is, is it better for me to tell S, for my girlfriend to tell her, if so do we tell her how we found out, or just not tell her at all? I'm really struggling with this decision and my girlfriend has been very anxious about it, especially when she has to talk to or deal with Y. I don't know if this is a common question online, but I thought I'd throw it out to /r/advice.
TL;DR:
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close friend's boyfriend might be cheating, girlfriend found out from distant friend, told me; how should me and my girlfriend proceed?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: What's a good way to get a companies attention?
POST: To make a long story short, I sent in a headset to steelseries a month and a half ago for RMA, and haven't gotten anything from them, they told me it would be coming "soon" and that they "just had to generate some more coupon codes", they only have ticket based support, with which I've been waiting at **least** a week after my response for a reply from their team, I tried "escalating" the issue to twitter, by asking them what was going on, they asked for a ticket number and stuff, which i provided, and then i was never gotten back to, I've tweeted to them twice since then, been ignored, and yet i see other people (gaming teams, for example) receiving *multiple* headsets and stuff for free because they're sponsored.
How the hell can they say they can't ship RMAs to **paying** customers but give out free stuff to people they sponsor, it's ridiculous, i want to get my stuff resolved because i do my work from home and *need* my headset to communicate, and i don't want to waste more money buying another headset just because steelseries is being so slow. I'm running out of patience, i can understand small warehouse issues delaying shipping by a few days, maybe even a week, but *a month and a half* is fucking insane, especially considering i had to cover shipping, i spent 30$ to ship my broken headset and get nothing in return.
I've looked into alternate contact methods, and found nothing, i tried their twitter, and gotten the runaround, their ticket based support takes a week+ to respond and a majority of the time they don't even answer the question, they have no phone support, and their email based support doesn't reply either.
TL;DR:
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I need a way to bring an issue to a companies attention and i can't figure out where i should post this story to get it.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My Girlfriend (22) was sexually assaulted and I need advice on having follow up conversations and generally dealing with this.
POST: My Girlfriend was assaulted about two months ago. We're both in college and she does student government work so she goes to monthly conferences with students from all over the state. She had previously had a relationship with one of the other students (not exclusive) and he was the one that assaulted her.
I've tried to be as supportive as possible (i.e. Rape Crisis advising/ generally being there for her and letting her know I believe her and still love her). She hasn't felt like she's in a good enough place emotionally to press charges but she has confided in some very close friends that attend the same conferences to keep her safe.
The problem is the vast differences in how we're dealing with this. In all honesty, I lost my temper in a way that made her focus on me instead of getting, better when she told me. The strange thing is that she seems to be taking this completely in stride. I should be ecstatic that she's not completely devastated but she's so nonchalant that it's off-putting.
The part that I struggle with the most is that she occasionally still talks to the guy. At first she confronted him and wanted an explanation, but now they carry on their half-work, half-friend dynamic that they had before. This would probably be the part where people get doubtful of her story but she's told so many of their mutual friends/colleagues and has been attending therapy so it's hard for me to think that she's lying.
Needless to say this whole thing is fucking with my confidence in a relationship that I see a bright future in. I want to talk to her about my concerns but all of the advice I've gotten from professionals has said to be supportive and not let her think that I doubt her. Any advice on starting and holding conversations or just dealing with sexual assault in general would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR:
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Girlfriend sexually assaulted. I've tried being cool and following professional advice but she's acting very differently than how anybody's said she might.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Sister just had an operation. How can I be there for her?
POST: **About procedure:** My sister (best sister I could ask for) just went through a medical procedure this morning. It's probably one of the hardest thing she'll go through. It might affect something major in her life, for the rest of her life.
**Recovery:** She can walk, and go around but can't do any intense physical activity, or exercise for two months. This will be hard for her because going to the gym, exercising or going for a run is her favorite pastime. She's going back to work next week.
**About sister:** She's always there for me (e.g. when I have a cold she bring me a "get well kit" with soup, halls...).
**Question:** Today, I don't know how I can comfort her. She's at her boyfriend's house (he's taking care of her). Doing something like bringing flower or something general doesn't feel right at all. I'm her brother. A general get-well-soon gift doesn't feel right. All I did until now is send a text saying if she needs anything to let me know.
TL;DR:
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Greatest sister ever got a medical procedure. She won't be able to go to gym for about two months (she loves going). I don't know what to do to make her feel better/happy. Ideas?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I think a girl is about to figure out I like her. What now?
POST: (Not manly enough to use my main account, so here's a throwaway!)
Okay, here's the backstory for this:
I've known her since day one of high school. She's always been a *really* friendly person to be around, and we've talked a lot over the past 6 years. I've always *kind of* fancied her.
So, yesterday me and some friends were talking about (as 16-17 y.o guys do) the girls we'd most like to ask out. I let slip her name, and now the guys I told are, I guess, pretty close to telling her it's me that mentioned I liked her.
Thing is, though, I don't really mind if they tell her or not. In fact, it would probably make things easier for me in getting a straight answer. Question is, do I confess personally to her (which I doubt I have the guts for), or do I just wait and see if they let her know? Either way, I'll probably get an answer, but which one do you people think would be best?
TL;DR:
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Nice girl's probably about to get told I like her. Do I tell her myself, or let them do it?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Boyfriend and I are getting kicked out of his dad's house because of dog
POST: My boyfriend and I moved to Albuquerque, NM on 2/15/15 to live with his dad and step-mom (who manage a storage unit facility and live in the apartment attached to the office rent free) while I went to school from Apr 13th to June 12th. Our dog came with us, and things have been....okay....up til now.
Our dog has chewed their loveseat in a visible place after chewing it last week in an easily hideable place. We were given 72 hours to get the dog out in any way we can (boarding, temporary home). We have 34 days until I graduate and we leave.
With no income (bf is actively searching for jobs) we are unable to afford to board him somewhere, we know no one in the area, and were told that if we do not get rid of him in 3 days they're going to post an ad on craigslist to get rid of him or take him to the pound. My boyfriend explained (in loud angry words) that the dog meant more to us than that, we wouldn't allow that to happen and we would take care of his behaviour.
Cue to screaming match between boyfriend and step-mom, where we were then instructed to pack our things and get out.
Do they legally have to give us 30 days before kicking us out? They pay no rent (storage unit facility managers) and we are technically allowed (by the owner) to stay until June, our planned departure date, but we know that he would prefer us out sooner. What are the legal issues here?
Obviously the dog thing needs to be taken care of, and we have a solution or two, but it requires more diligence than we have previously shown and neither solution includes him leaving.
And when I say no money, I do mean it. We have $15 and are planning on selling our extraneous gaming system for the money to leave in June. We live on foodstamps but require their fridge and kitchen to cook. We've lived in our car before, but not with our dog and not in New Mexico, which apparently has ridiculous crime.
What should we do?
TL;DR:
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We're getting rid of the dog. I'm requesting advice for staying in the house to complete my schooling, not pet advice.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How do I (18M) abandon feelings for someone (18F)?
POST: Some people might call this "the friendzone" but whatever. We were best friends for years, we dated for four months, I still haven't gotten over it properly, she's actually now got a boyfriend and unlike our relationship, they've actually fucked. We're still best friends now.
I've had relationships since then, but even though I've even had sex with one of those girls, I just can't stop going back to her. She still wants to be best friends and to be honest, I do too. But now whenever I think about her and her new boyfriend I just get so pissed off and angry and sad and I even hit myself at times because I feel like such a total failure about it etc.
TL;DR:
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how do I abandon feelings for someone after crushing on them for years? Going off to uni tomorrow and need to get it out of the way now.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Rent Apt or buy Fix Up House?
POST: My wife and I are in a tough debate right now and we need some advice on what to do. We want to get our own place soon, since there is now three in our family, and we are looking at either a decent sized apartment or a old cheap house that we would need to do a lot of repairs and renovation to.
We have a contract for a place to rent that is 950 square feet 625 a month we pay water, sewage, and electricity. It includes washer/dryer, dish washer, electric stove, and microwave all relatively new. We would have no yard and couldn't keep our cat, but we would have no major repairs and if anything breaks the landlord will fix it. We would have to turn in the contract soon to reserve the apartment.
On the other hand her parents are willing to put a down payment on a $52,000 house that needs a lot of work. We don't know exact state of the house but we drove by today and it looks like it has old wood siding with a few holes in the siding and the foundation looks like it may have a few cracks and the support beams in the basement are wooden and may have some wood rot. It needs a lot of work, but our monthly payments would be around $300 a month we would have a huge yard and be able to keep our cat and eventually get a dog, but we would have to buy all appliances except microwave, plus I am not to fond of the town it is in, just because it's super small and in the middle of no where but it's 10 min closer to my work. We would also have to stay where we are currently living for a few more months. I am also not very good at DIY, I have a habit of measuring wrong or cutting it then measuring it.
TL;DR:
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We are looking at a House to fix up, but has a lot of drawbacks but would be cheap, or an apartment that is a decent size but wouldn't be able to customize it at all.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: About a year ago I got out of a 3 year long long abusive relationship and I've been thinking about contacting my ex boyfriends mom to tell her what happend...
POST: My ex was severely emotionally and physically abusive because of some major anger problems that he has. In the end I left him because I had just gone through 2 miscarriages one right after the other and decided to buy a puppy to try and cope. At this point I didn't really know the severity of my situation as I had been very psychologically fucked up by this time. Well, he ended up hitting my puppy just a few weeks after I brought him home and he broke his leg. So needless to say, I left. My puppy is totally fine now and recovered very well. Hes my baby and my little savior. I want to message his mom and tell her everything. I even have screenshots of mine and his Facebook conversations about 6 months after we broke up and I called him out for what he did and he came back and blamed me for the abuse. Its not him directly admitting it, but he wasn't denying it either. I am thinking about sending screenshots of those to her. But I'm scared about how it might back fire. I dont think he'll come after me because he doesn't know where I am and I live in a house full of male friends that would not hesitate to protect me from him. But I am affraid he'll call and harrass me over it. And, as my current boyfriend pointed out, other than the messages and his statements to animal control (over what he did to my dog) I have very little proof, and he could come after me for deframation of character. Any lawers out there know if he can press charges against me for telling his mom what happened? I want to tell her because I knew her well and I think she will encourage him to get helo. And also because it hurts me that I went through that and he never faced any consequences.
TL;DR:
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If I tell my ex boyfriends mom about how he abused me for 3 years, and I have very little written proof (some but not much), can he charge me with deframation of character?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Got a thing from my landlord to quit and pay or some such
POST: I literally have no idea what to do, I live on cape cod which is awful enough if your not endowed with money or the money to develop skills. But than I get home from work after an almost 8 hour shift and there's a knock on my door... The constable or something like that handed me and quit and pay order or something to that affect. I am just really lost here and thought things were finally on track, I don't know what to do at this point I'm running out of time to think about anything. All cash is due in two weeks and even after that they are making me leave at the end of next month, do I have any options at this point or am I screwed?
TL;DR:
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room mate didn't pay rent and thought it would blow over if he could keep the cable on, what do I do
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: If I were to die right now only 1 or 2 non-family members would show up to my funeral...
POST: Even though I've tried so hard, and I do favors for everyone I know, acting nice, laughing at everyone's jokes, and inviting people over, it just hasn't worked. Whenever I invite people over to my house they come up with some excuse why they can't go, and yet I find out that they went to someone else's party--often the person hosting the party is someone I invited to my house, and yet they didn't invite me to their party. Similarly, I have been invited to someone else's house 3 times. That's not many at all, and I've got to be honest--it hurts knowing everyone else is at someone's house and you're left alone. If you asked everyone in my class (I'm a senior) to circle a list of their friends on the roster, I would probably show up on about 3 or 4 lists, the people who pity me and put me so I don't feel bad. But if you asked people to pick their 5 favorite friends I would be on 1 list at most. A perfect example of this--we have an even number of people in our class, but our graduation is having an odd number of people in the procession. Out of every single person in my class, I was the only one whom no one chose to have as the person to walk next to them at graduation.
This list gives a good example of many of my traits.
I just don't see what I've done wrong. I try so hard, and I'm so much nicer than most people at school, but I only have 1 friend (to be fair, I'd like to think I have lots of others, but it's pretty easy to tell most people just pity me and are nice to me because they feel bad I'm such a loser).
I'm even unpopular online. Tons of people won't add me on Facebook, and even though I have about 300 "friends," only 12 liked my status when I posted that I got into college. Meanwhile someone at my school who got into the same college and has fewer Facebook friends than I do got 156 likes, and most people in my school got at least 100. "Facebook doesn't matter etc" I don't care, it's still indicative of my abysmal popularity.
TL;DR:
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Almost nobody likes me and I have only 1 person who would consider me a real friend, who doesn't just act friendly because he pities me. If I died he is probably my only non-family member that would show up.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I am texting a girl and I am just not sure how to ask her why she seems uninterested.
POST: I don't want to be blatant and just be like "let me ask you something. Why are you so uninterested in me?" Basically, I (16M) started talking to this girl as soon as she came back to my high school (about a week ago.). Since then, I have gotten her number, and have been texting her for about 2 days, along with talking to her at school. She showed me her homecoming dress, and acted a little sad that she didn't have a date, so I decided I'd ask her. She said no, because she already said no to someone else (confirmed, I am friends with the guy) and that it wouldn't be very nice. Anyway, I slowly made it apparent that I am certainly interested in her. She doesn't do one word replies, not even close, but she does use "lol" a lot and tends to try to reply to things in a way that would just end the conversation. I want to know how to ask her why she seems so uninterested, without being cringey or weird about it. However, im terrible at thinking of this kind of stuff.
TL;DR:
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how do I tell a girl she seems really uninterested with me, without sounding like a big fukboi?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I want to quit lacrosse to get a job
POST: So I have played lacrosse for three years. It is my senior year in high school and I will be eighteen in a month exactly. My mom and I had a rocky relationship my junior year and ended up with me going to treatment for depression. My mom and I have a great relationship right now but I still want some advice because she can be very explosive. I used to love lacrosse it was my favorite sport but now it is no longer fun any more. And with that I want to get a job to work in a restaurant because cooking is my passion and that is what Im going to college for to study, Hospitality management then to culinary school. I'm not sure how I'm going to ask her but I know I'm going to do it tonight. I just want to cook.
TL;DR:
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Lacrosse is not fun any more and I wan't to cook and get a job at a restaurant how do I tell my mom?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I am completely lost in my decision to go back to school.
POST: A little about me - I am 26, married, have a home, and am full time in the military. I am finally in a position at work where I think I can swing going back to school. I would only be able to do online college, and am just plain lost.
I am looking at American Military University - a subschool of the APUS, American Public University System. Only problem is - these are FOR PROFIT schools, and I was told those were highly frowned upon, and the best online degrees were those from non profit accredited universities.
Money is of course always an issue, the service offers Tuition Assistance of 255$/Credit that I can take advantage of, and AMU's credit cost is just under that, and that is appealing. Other schools are VERY expensive, as you all know.
And of course what to take. I want to make money when I get out, and I love working with people. I have potential law enforcement jobs lined up, but if those do not work out/and or I just don't want to do that when I get out, I need a backup. I do not want a criminal justice degree, they are a dime a dozen and not required for law enforcement careers (I currently have about 6 years experience in the field anyway).
Im looking for something where I can help people, work with people, and make a decent living. Counselor? Nutritionist? Personal health something or another?
At AMU alone I have narrowed down to the following programs:
Sports and Health Sciences
Emergency Disaster Management
Health Information Management
Public Health
Nothing really jumps out as immediately appealing, because I don't know what careers are REALISTICALLY associated with these degrees.
TL;DR:
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Gonna be 30 when I get out of the service and will need to find a new way to support my family. Need a degree to line myself up with a job where I can help and/or work with people.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I get stepped on in life
POST: I've always spent my time working to make others happy, and Ive always been well liked and no one has hated me. but I've been in a relationship now for 4 years and since we started dating he has always told me I shouldn't allow people to walk all over me, and I don't want to fight with people so I only stuck up for myself when it comes to him, now he thinks I'm just a bitch to him, and so I started sticking up for myself with more people and now I feel like shit, I don't know how to argue my points so I always look like the bad guy my boyfriend and my friends think I'm a bitch. But when ever I try to be the way I was and just make every one happy, all my friends and boyfriend treat me like a coward, and tell me I need to stick up for myself and I don't know what to do. I'm getting in trouble for doing what they say and not doing what they say its horrible and I don't know what to do with myself. I want to make everyone happy, how do I tell them that until they started getting upset about it I didn't care I was getting stepped on.
TL;DR:
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I get stepped on, then called a coward for allowing it, but then everyone hates me when I stand up for myself.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I just bought a stolen iPhone, how do I give it back to the original owner?
POST: Hey guys, so I just got a stolen phone off Craigslist without checking to see if it was reported lost/stolen (it sounds so stupid now!). Anyway, the guy I bought it from has ghosted on me, and now I am just trying to get the phone back to the original owner. However, the phone was restored to factory settings before I bought it, so I can't look up the person's info. I called Sprint (the phone's carrier), but they said that they wanted me to just turn it in to them, and that they couldn't give me the person's contact info. They said that the person probably had insurance on it and that they might have another phone already, so generally, I don't really want to give it to Sprint if they are just going to take credit for it and/or take the phone for themselves if the person already has a new phone. I would like to contact the person myself and give it back to them, or see if they already have a new phone. It's hard enough losing money for no reason, I would rather at least see to it that the person gets the phone myself.
TL;DR:
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I bought a stolen phone and want to get it back to the original owner myself without going through the Carrier. Also, the phone has been restored, is there anyway I can do this?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: 18 no direction in life after dropping out of law school
POST: I'm 18, finished high school with great grades and entered law school (Australian so people can enter right out of high school) but it's a pretty tedious course with limited career opportunities. I skipped a year of high school so had a spare year and decided to try it out. Little was lost and I developed my thinking skills in law but I've decided to drop out and have no idea what to study.
I enjoy learning and connecting different fields of human study and find it near impossible to limit myself to one topic and area, for that reason history is by far my best subject as that reflects the interwoven nature of the world and want to help the world with whatever I do. What direction can an intelligent young adult take in university if this is the way he sees the world? I feel like with near limitless choice I'll end up making the wrong choices and be miserable.
TL;DR:
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Dropped out of law school, passionate about everything so at a loss for what to study and what direction to take my life
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I accepted an internship. Now I'm not sure if it was the best decision. Advice please?
POST: Hey people of Reddit! I have a question. I accepted a marketing internship recently to broaden my horizons on top of university course content. It is my first ever internship, so I wasn't totally sure what to expect (minus the usual grunt work. That's a given). I've spent more time working while in school than on internships. The thing is, on my first day (yesterday, to be exact) one of the other interns informed me that the marketing intern she worked with was always saying there wasn't enough work to do. On top of that, I met the marketing intern (she was still working there when I got hired) today and she confirmed that.
The last thing one of them said to me was, "Hopefully you get more work this semester!" It seems to be the sort of job where you're handed work and then you're on your own, if in fact there is anything to do. By no means do I need hand holding, but a little guidance would be nice. According to the two other interns I spoke to, though, that's just how it is. Personally I joined up because I thought I might be able to learn something more/do something more than the clerical skills I have at the moment. My manager couldn't even come see if I was around on my first day let alone email me anything important. The old marketing intern had to do that for me today - on her last day. The training was all down to her.
Bonus: It's paid, no coffee runs. Just a real lack of substantial work, it seems. My acquaintances seemed pretty happy to be leaving.
I was wondering, in this position, would it be best to stick it out (ends in December) or should I attempt to call it quits in the next couple of weeks if things don't get better? I do have another offer on the table at the moment in a social media based position (part time job, not internship) in which I might receive a bit more guidance than what I'm seeing with this position so far.
Thanks!
TL;DR:
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I accepted an internship that apparently doesn't have much work, so I'd like to get some advice on whether to stay or go as someone who likes to be busy.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How to resist losing temper?
POST: Hey guys - I'm generally a happy, positive person...when I'm in public and with people I barely know. It's like a "polite"/"common courtesy" thing...
However, with my family (and sometimes closest friends), I act very closed off, very short tempered, and very negative. I constantly find myself losing my patience at home. When my family members ask me questions (especially questions about my day...after the fact, I realize they just want to find out about my life...I'm almost tearing up writing this because I realize that I am not as close with my family as I should be, or would like to be), I find myself snapping some one word answer back at them and then storming off to my room or to the basement to watch Netflix or I go running to cool down.
I don't notice myself doing this when I'm with my friends or out of the house. It's almost as if the minute I come home, my personality changes and I feel like I am quicker to lose my patience and, in turn, my temper. It hurts me to treat my family poorly, and I think it just adds to the problem, because as I get angry and am constantly in a bad mood around my family, it adds to my guilt and stress and anxiety and causes me to remain in said bad mood.
My question is: how can I resist losing my temper around those I love most? How can I refrain from losing my patience with my family? How can I stay in a better mood at home?
TL;DR:
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I lost my temper a lot, especially at home with my family. What can I do to stop this and be in a better mood around them?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I Move in With My Gf or Back to My Parents *Sigh*
POST: So at the beginning of this year, I was fresh out of college and stressed out looking for a job. I didn't know what to really do because I hadn't even had an internship. Well a few months later, my aunt tells me she knows someone who is taking applications, and I end up getting a paid internship in Illinois.
Now, I have always wanted to move to Chicago, and now, they're telling me my internship ends in January. They have no plans on hiring anyone because they want an analyst/developer (good luck), and I am still pretty entry level on the analyst part.
While I have been in Illinois, I have gone to Chicago pretty much every other weekend because its pretty cheap and easy to do. I ended up getting a girlfriend in Chicago and we've been together for about 6 months. I have been looking for jobs in Chicago for 6 months from Springfield, IL with no luck. These last 3 months, I have really been busting my ass looking and calling.
My girlfriend has suggested that I just live with her for a few months, see how i like it, and split rent with her roommate (so it'd be like $300/mo which is a steal). Now, I still don't have a job up there, but I have saved up around $4000 in my 6 months from living with my aunt.
So reddit, my question is: Should I go up there and see if I can make it and get job(in let's say 3 months), or should I play it safe and go back to my parents house in TN?
TL;DR:
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I'm torn because no job is guaranteed in Tennessee either, but financially I would spend less. However, Chicago rules, has my gf, low rent, but no job prospects atm.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: 77yo. Mother is annoying and controlling
POST: Mom's health is steadily degrading and she's constantly complaining about the state of affairs, things she can't do anymore, etc. However, she makes it utterly impossible for anyone to help. I go spend the summer with mom and help around the house... No place to sleep, rooms are filled to the gills with things she finds at yard sales. Clear out a room to sleep and she complains bitterly and endlessly about how "everything" has moved.
I start helping her out with chores around the house and she starts bossing me around over the most insignificant of details. I start doing it my own way when she's not looking but this has the risk of creating an aire of distrust at times. Eventually she breaks down and starts getting mean about it. Claiming I just "barged in" and "took over the place" telling my siblings "... he just does as he damn well pleases and never consults with ME about anything..." etc.
She's fallen down several times and cannot get up without assistance so its a dangerous situation for her to continue on like she is. The sad part about it all is the people who take advantage of her all the time. She hires a maid who steals from her regularly (caught red handed 3x now but mom refuses to press charges and keeps inviting her back to help), or people come into the house and steal things from her freely since she hasn't locked the doors in over 40 years now. The house is a first class wreck at this point as she's a level 3 hoarder. She gets sick (like have to go to the hospital for 2-3 days - THAT kind of sick) from time to time because she eats under-cooked or rotten foods left in the refrigerator for days/weeks, etc.
I've talked with my siblings about taking away her drivers license which would put her in a situation where she would require assistance by force majure but none will endorse it even if I were the one responsible.
TL;DR:
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Mom doesn't want help, just wants people to boss around. She's vulnerable but vigilant about her independence. Not sure what to do about it.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How do I not give a fuck?
POST: Simply put, I've liked a girl for a year. She has liked me off and on over this time. The way it goes is I start to like her then she ignores me and talk to other guys. (She knows I hate it). Then after a month she'll start texting me and says she likes me. Rinse and repeat for a year. I personally feel she is manipulating me into giving her attention when she wants it but I am so blinded by her beauty and personality that I don't see it hardly ever. I have heard not talking to a girl and waiting for her to text you is a good way to get them to like you, so I'm going to try that.
TL;DR:
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Should I play hard to get and pretend I don't give a fuck? If so, how do I not give a fuck?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How do you deal with someone who's very negative and argumentative?
POST: My mom is really negative and she's very argumentative. She can't admit defeat in any conversation and she cannot acknowledge she is wrong. She has no capacity to listen to any advice and anything which is meant to be advice highlighting something she is not good at, is turned back against the person in a personal attack. Spending time with her is so draining, as I usually get into 3-4 lengthy arguments with her per day, and even when I try not to respond, she takes that as a reason to keep attacking me. I'm not just complaining here, I think it's actually really a problem. My dad tries to talk to her as little as possible to prevent an argument. She always asks why we hate her and once when I tried to explain as politely as I could (I said she sometimes inadvertently comes off as aggressive and negative in her responses, which can be easily misconstrued) she immediately got really mad and said she doesn't do anything wrong and I'm just overly sensitive and a crybaby, since no other person would be bothered by it. She's been like this with me since I was a kid and I think I have low-self esteem because of her, but that's just my guess. I just don't know what to do anymore, as dealing with her just makes me exhausted and I don't want to do it anymore. Is there anything I can do to get along with her? I don't want to permanently have a bad relationship with her. Also, if it sounds like she's a normal mom and I am truly being oversensitive please let me know
TL;DR:
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My mom is overly aggressive,negative and argumentative and I am tired of dealing with her personality, is there anyway to get along with her?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Met a guy at the bar last night who works at my dream job and who offered to put a word in for me - but I want to move to another city
POST: So I met kind of a crazy guy last night at the bar. He kept going on about how awesome and amazing I am. I mean, I'm a pretty great person, but I know I was less than my normal awesome self at that point of the night. I had also told him that I'm a lesbian so that I wouldn't lead him on or anything. I talked to him for maybe an hour last night, with no really substantive discussion because he kept going on "you're awesome" tangents. Flattering but also really weird.
Anyways, next day, this guy is still super eager - sending me "good morning, you're wonderful" messages. I respond less eagerly and mention I'm doing job applications. He says his company is actually looking for people and he'd put a word in. This is exactly the type of position I'm looking for, except I desperately want to move.
I've lived in the same metro area my whole life, and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I need to get away from her and I need to work in a field that I can be proud of (my current job is one of those well-paying corporate jobs you sell your soul for)
TL;DR:
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Opportunity for a great job in a place where I don't want to live. Possibility of a recommendation from a rather overenthusiastic guy - what should I do?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Issues with controlling parents I'm a 21 year old guy.
POST: Often times it's just an issue with my mom or grandmother as my step dad is usually pretty relaxed about most stuff, every now and then I spend maybe a week at a friend's house and I get yelled at through text often while I do so about why I need to be home or how inconsiderate I am for leaving. I don't like hurting my parents but they don't really let me do anything and I'm 21, They still expect me to ask permission for everything. Now I'm still in college, and I don't have a personal vehicle yet or a house but this is getting unbearable, I don't want to be forced to move out but often times I'd rather just stay with my friend at his place. Let my parents turn off my phone and find a way to manage. Most of my friends agree it's pretty wild that I'm 21 and I still listen to them as much as I do bt it's starting to make me feel depressed when I'm at home I feel like I'm an issue and when I'm away I'm an issue, what do I do?
TL;DR:
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controlling parents won't let me do anything without permission or I risk getting yelled at constantly. I'm a 21 year old guy in college.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Probably pretty standard, but I feel like this could be the best or worst decision I make. Please help.
POST: So, 11 months ago I started to date a girl I went to high school with (we didn't talk in high school). She transferred to my college to be with me. I have become deeply ingrained in her family, and I think highly of all of them. Before we started dating, I enjoyed a typical college experience. I drank, smoked, and had random hookups (never leading to sex though). Now, I occasionally smoke and drink, and I always include my girlfriend in these activities. I love my girlfriend, but I never get as high or as drunk when I am around her. It should also be noted that I lost my virginity to this girl.
After about 10 months, we started to bicker about tiny things that no one should really care about. We always make up, but the old issues continue to resurface in each argument.
Recently, I have found myself fantasizing about other girls, particularly girls I have been involved with in the past, or friends of hers that I know pretty well.
We discuss marriage on a fairly regular basis, and I recently confessed that I don't feel comfortable marrying her as soon as we graduate, something she suggested.
I always pictured myself living a life of mild notoriety, being a bit promiscuous, experimenting with different drugs, travelling, etc. But now I fear that I might sacrifice this for a life that I'm not even sure I want yet. I feel like I need to have sex with more than one girl in my whole life, but I sure as hell don't plan on cheating. I also don't want to throw away someone who genuinely loves me.
What should I do? Do I break a very sweet girl's heart for my own personal story? or Do I sacrifice my future endeavors and start a more tame life with her?
TL;DR:
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The girl I love wants to marry me, but I don't think I'm ready. Also, I kind of want to see what other girls are like.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Quitting a horrible job that doesn't take notice and want to leave in the most peaceful way.
POST: As I mentioned in the title, I am quitting a job that I absolutely hate. I work as a server in a fine dining restaurant and the money is fairly decent, about $400-700 on any given week for about 25-30 hours of work. My coworkers are all every nice (as petty as any server though), we get along well and hang out on the regular. The restaurant has been around for 21 years and has great customers, some of the best that I have ever waited on. However, the cons of working for the owners outweigh everything, even the money.
The owners of the restaurant are absolutely the worst people that I have ever personally known in my lifetime. Wife runs the front, while the husband is the head chef. The wife checks every check at the end of the night and goes over each table to tell you where you should have sold more. She has told me that I was fat multiple time or that I couldn't have a table because my butt "wouldn't be able to fit". The staff is told every week at shift meetings that they (the owners) do not care for us. We are solely there to make them money and then go home.
Getting to the point, despite being told the owners do not care about us, when anyone quits or leaves their job for any reason they are immediately cut down because they are essentially "abandoning" them. The owners have said multiple times that they do not except notice of any kind in the event of quitting. Everyone that I have witnessed quitting has been met with rudeness and cruelty. They are not thanked for their time or wished well, nothing. "If you don't want to work here then leave."
Despite all of this horribleness, I would like to leave in a peaceful way because having this reference on my resume is actually quite important due to the long-standing popularity of the restaurant.
TL;DR:
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Quitting job at popular restaurant with great staff and patrons but horribly rude and insensitive owners. Owners do not accept 2 week notice and I would like to leave in a peaceful way for reference.
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: in love with my best friend
POST: I am a girl, senior in high school. Two years ago, my best friend and I liked the same guy. We both fell for him pretty hard, but tried to not let it get between us. She and him started dating, I was fine with it and tried to move on.
He apparently took my attempts to seduce him as invitations to a friendship, because shortly after they started dating (perhaps because they started dating?) me and him became best friends. This would normally have been fine, were it not for the fact that in such proximity to him, with him making out with my best friend, it was very hard to get over him. In fact, I didn't. At all. We just became best friends, cuddling and having inside jokes.
This circumstance causes quite a few awkward situations and conflicts to which only I am aware namely; they both come to me to talk about their relationship. And the problems with their relationship. And their sex life. And problems with their sex life. The problem being that they don't have one.
Anyways, to catch us up to the present, she has changed. It is so hard to be close with her, because she has become introverted, self-conscious and violently temperamental. Struggling to make his relationship work, he has turned to me. He tells me everything, including his complaints about her and all of his secrets. He hugs me, says I'm beautiful, says he can't live without me, and tells me he loves me all the time.
He loves her more than anything. But he does love me. More than as a friend. I know it... He just doesn't.
But here is the real issue; I am conflicted. When he comes to me for relationship advice, the part of me that is best friends with her says "He is all she has! They have to stay together!" and the part of me that is his best friend says "They need to talk it out! This relationship is killing him!" and the part of me that is in love with him says "Break them up! You can make him so much happier!"
TL;DR:
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My best friends are dating, I'm in love with him. What can I do to be happy, and avoid being an awful person?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Need a temporary place to live
POST: I told my roommate about 4 weeks ago that I wanted to move out and she said fine, I'll move out on the 15th as that's what I was paid up to. Two weeks in I realized that I might not make the deadline as I didn't find a place yet so I told her that I'm still looking but if I don't find a place by that weekend I'll pay till the 30th. That weekend rolls around and I didn't find a place and tell her, and she refused my money saying that I said I was going to move out and that I can't back out and that she already took someone else's deposit. I simply said that I wont be able to move out and left it at that. Jump to yesterday and I remind her that I can't move out the 15th and she flips out. Says that she'll call the cops on me right then and there and that I'm she'll throw my stuff out on the street and that I can't force her to let me stay there. Numerous people have told me what the law says in this situation, that she can't actually kick me out. That doesn't matter if she's a psycho.
I asked around none of my friends have space to let me stay with them for a week or so to find a new place. I have money but I need to save up for a deposit on a new place so a hotel is out. Not sure what to do in this situation.
TL;DR:
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I fucked up in finding a place and my roommate flipped out when I told her I wasn't moving out on the exact date I said
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm gonna be moving in with my boyfriend, but I'm actually dreading it...
POST: Right now, because my boyfriend and I don't see each other much, we don't get sick of each other...We haven't even spent the night with each other yet because I'm always working and I work 7 days a week. Next weekend I'm taking the weekend off and that will be the first weekend we ever spend some real time together.
I'm dreading about what will happen if we move in together, will we get sick of each other and see another side of a person that we won't like?
I know people who have moved in too soon with their bf/gf and they ended up breaking up...but if we eventually get married we'll still have to see each other 24/7.
Should this wait until actual marriage or just still occasionally see each other every now and then for a couple of day straight?
Two people I know moved in with their long-term significant others and they both ended up breaking up. I have yet to meet one person who actually moved in with someone while they are dating and they ended up married. This makes me scared to move in with him right now.
I figure it would be a good thing if we moved in together [he keeps getting excited for that] because it will be easier to see each other after work and it won't be out of anyone's way.
Then I feel like he won't like that I'm a boring person. All I do after work is literally sleep until the next day and get up and do the same thing over again. I'm not sure if he'll like that about me because I'm too tired from working to do anything else.
I just want someone to join me in my life of boredom but I don't know how many people like a boring life of doing nothing but work and sitting at home after.
And I'm trying to save money, too, so we can't go to places too often.
TL;DR:
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Have people ever moved in with a long-term significant other before they were married? If so was it good/bad? Is it good/bad? How is it going?
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SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Working with customers for the first time?
POST: I'm 16 and I've been working at this cafe for 3 years. Because I'm so shy, clumsy and generally awkward with everyone, I worked at the back and never had to engage with customers.
Next week I'm being put through trial to serve people at the front counter/takeout counter. This is going to be my first time ever having to engage with customers (apart from a previous trial at another shop last year, but I ran to the back whenever someone came in and it was generally an embarrassing mess).
I'm awfully clumsy and if one thing goes wrong, I tend to spiral down worse after that.
My speech is weird as well, e.g if someone would say "Hello" to me I'd reply with "yes thanks how are you?" because I get so nervous it's like I don't have control over what I say or how I think.
I really don't want to mess this up, so please, any tips, advice or personal experience would be appreciated!
TL;DR:
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I'm an awkward mess and I'm working with customers for the first time. I need advice on how to stay calm or what I should expect / how to work better.
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