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Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.
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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.
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No Déjà vu please I Don't want to go through that again
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If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
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I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.
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I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
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The end of a relationship isn't the worst thing. It's worse when it doesn't end after the end.
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Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
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Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
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When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
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Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!
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At my job, I have 500 people under me. I'm a security guard at a cemetery.
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I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
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Cells multiply by dividing.
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I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
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You're the reason God created the middle finger.
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Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
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Life is too complicated in the morning.
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Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley. They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme
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If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.
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Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
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