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OUTERHOLIC
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"I mean, that just sounds so suspicious. He must be up to
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something."
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"I see," Yilko nodded. "Exactly my point."
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"Said point being?"
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"That is the best way to explain people who can't accept
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happiness. I gave no indication that this English gentleman
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was up to anything-and English gentlemen are the most
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honorable gentlemen in the world. They would never be up
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to anything suspicious."
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"I have no idea what inspired such deep-seated trust in
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you, but a figure like a hundred trillion yen would make any-
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..
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"
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.
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one SUSpICiOUS.
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'That's a comment I would have liked to hear in the
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'Himawari-chan tells you she loves you' hypothetical. But es-
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sentially, the opposite of what I said to her."
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The opposite.
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Looked at from the other direction.
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Yilko went on. "To become happy, you need to pay a fair
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price. Which means that excessive fortune can only be
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viewed as a threat. You need to earn that fortune through an
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appropriate amount of work and struggle."
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"A contract with yourself?"
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A promise to yourself.
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Action and sincerity.
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"You know the expression 'It all works out in the end'?
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Human lives ultimately run on a balanced budget. If there is
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good, there is bad, and when bad things happen there must
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be good things as well."
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"Th
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"
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at. ..
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That would square things.
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ANOTHERHOLIC, LANDOLT-RING AEROSOL
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" ... I have heard that."
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"But the expression is not strictly accurate. Fundamen-
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tally, to be happy you have to bear the burden of an equal
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amount of misery. See? To get something good, you have to
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put up with something bad. Nothing as carefree as 'taking the
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good with the bad' makes it sound. That doesn't fulfill the
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.
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"
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promise.
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Watanuki thought about it. Yuko went on:
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"To put it another way, the higher your position at a job,
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the more you have to work. Not being able to do so is insin-
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cere and irresponsible. Still another way: If where you are is
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a step lower than normal, if you are in an unfortunate posi-
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tion, then you must allow yourself to not expend as much
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effort, to abandon your stubborn pride. All part of the
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.
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"
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promise.
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"B
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"
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ut ... urn ...
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Was this true?
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He could comprehend the gist of what she was saying,
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but ...
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"B-but she-Kushimura-san, Nurie Kushimura-san, in
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her case-she didn't have excessive happiness, she was aban-
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doning normal happiness."
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Waiving her rights and abandoning her duties.
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"She was not, Watanuki," YOko said reproachfully. "She
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was maintaining her balance."
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"Bal
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?"
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ance.
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"All humans have a certain level of fascination with for-
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bidden behavior, but those urges have little to do with
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Kushimura's situation. You must not mingle or confuse the
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two. All that I have just explained ought to have been enough
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56157
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OUTERHOLlC
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for you to understand that happiness, excessive or otherwise,
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carries with it a degree of pressure. Happiness is not entirely
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a good thing-not as long as you have to pay a fair price for
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it. And there is no way to avoid paying the price."
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"H h
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"
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u ...
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If you accepted the hundred trillion yen from the English
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gentleman, you would have to work off a hundred trillion
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yen's worth of debt to yourself.
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The debt would be hit,mzen.
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Not to the English gentleman - but to yourself.
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"When she was with me, the only thought in her mind was
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that she wanted to go home. Talking with me was a source of
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pressure. That's why she was so relieved when you came in."
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"Yeah, I did notice that ... "
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"In return for abandoning happiness, she can escape that
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pressure. She made that choice. Just as she said, this is not
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self-destructive or suicidal; it was all carefully calculated."
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"C-calculated? "
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CalcuLated, mea.1ured, weighed.
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