saikatkumardey/jerry_seinfeld_dialogues · Datasets at Hugging Face

previous_character stringlengths 2 334	previous_dialogue stringlengths 1 864	character stringclasses 1 value	dialogue stringlengths 2 1.88k
ELAINE	Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?	JERRY	No, no. Still doin the big sweep across.
ELAINE	Why does he do that?	JERRY	Doesnt think anyone can tell. So cmon, do we have a deal?
ELAINE	A wedding?	JERRY	Theres a lot of people to mock...
ELAINE	All right, what the hell.	JERRY	Great!
ELAINE	Cmon lets go...	JERRY	Was I supposed to bring something?
ELAINE	You could have.	JERRY	I met her one time...
ELAINE	It is not necessary.	JERRY	What did you say then?
PAMELA	(shakes Jerry's hand) Yes, we met.	JERRY	Hi, happy birthday.
GUESTS, JERRY & ELAINE	Hi	JERRY	I didnt bring anything.
PAMELA	Uh, I put you two right here.	JERRY	Oh, Okay (turns to rest of table) Im sorry, I didnt know what to bring, nobody told me.
VANESSA	How big a tip do you think itd take to get him to stop?	JERRY	Im in for five...
VANESSA	Ill supply the hat.	JERRY	(thinking) Uh-oh... What do we have here?
VANESSA	Why dont you relax and take your jacket off?	JERRY	Oh, I cant. Uh, I have a tendency to get chilly.
VANESSA	How masculine.	JERRY	Plus Im wearing short sleeves, I dont want to expose my tattoos. (Vanessa smiles; thinking) Shes unbelievable!
VANESSA	Oh, you know Bricker! From where?	JERRY	(thinking) Whats going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, shes too good to be alone. Whats the difference, I cant maneouver anyway with Elaine next to me.
VANESSA	(to Jerry) How do you know Pamela?	JERRY	Uh, friend of a friend. And you?
ELAINE	(interrupting Jerry's conversation) Oh, Jerry!	JERRY	(turning to Elaine; thinking) Oh no, not now.
ELAINE	I had this dream last night and you were in it.	JERRY	Oh really? (tries turning away in the hopes Elaine gets the hint; thinking) Oh God, I gotta get out of this.
ELAINE	You were you, but, you werent you...	JERRY	No kidding. (thinking) Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!
ELAINE	I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were standing there, you were looking out the window...	JERRY	(thinking) This is brutal.
ELAINE	You turned around and you had these wooden teeth.	JERRY	How do you like that? (tries to turn away again; thinking)Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I cant, I cant. Im stuck.
ELAINE	(noticing Jerry not wanting to listen; annoyed) Jerry? Are you listening to me?	JERRY	Yes, I heard you.
PAMELA	Elaine, whats the name of that jewelry store you took me to that time?	JERRY	(thinking) Thank you, Pamela! (turns to talk to Vanessa; to Vanessa) So, youre a lawyer...
VANESSA	Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.	JERRY	(thinking) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft... (to Vanessa) Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit.
VANESSA	Oh, that was you?	JERRY	Imagine, spelling Mom with two Os.
VANESSA	Very funny! What do you do?	JERRY	Comedian.
VANESSA	Really? That explains it.	JERRY	(thinking; quickly) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
VANESSA	We gotta run. Happy birthday!	JERRY	(thinking) I cant believe it. I got nothing! I dont even know her name! Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...
ELAINE	Yknow, um, you could use a little work on your manners.	JERRY	Why? What did I do?
ELAINE	Wel-Well, I just dont appreciate these little courtesy responses, like Im selling you aluminum siding.	JERRY	I was listening!
ELAINE	No! You couldnt wait to get back to your little... conversation.	JERRY	No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.
ELAINE	Uh-huh...	JERRY	Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.
ELAINE	No! No! You had wooden teeth! You had wooden teeth! I didnt have wooden teeth, you did!	JERRY	All right, so I had wooden teeth, so what?
ELAINE	So nothing! Nothing. (annoyed sigh)	JERRY	Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said, Yeah, I got this new thing Platonic. My idea, my name, callin it after myself. What I do is, I go out with the girls, I talk with them- dont do anything, and go right home. Whatd you think? I think its going to be big! I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didnt work. Yknow, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went, Uh, Hi, uh my names Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, its a Riconic relationship.
MORTY	Ah, there he is!	JERRY	This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!
HELEN	Yknow, Jerry, we dont have to do this.	JERRY	What are you talkin about? Its fine, I love having you here.
HELEN	Tomorrow well go to a hotel.	JERRY	Ma, will you stop?
HELEN	No, why should we take over your apartment?	JERRY	I dont care. Im sleeping next door.
HELEN	Your friend Kramer doesnt mind?	JERRY	No, hes making a bouillabaisse.
MORTY	Depends on the firm.	JERRY	Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they would know who it was?
MORTY	Whats the matter? You need a lawyer?	JERRY	No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I dont know her name.
MORTY	So why dont you ask someone who was at the party?	JERRY	Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I cant ask her.
HELEN	Why not?	JERRY	Because its complicated. Theres some tension there.
HELEN	Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.	JERRY	Oh yeah, shes great.
HELEN	So, how come nothing materialized there?	JERRY	Well, its a tough thing to talk about uh. I dunno...
HELEN	I know what it was.	JERRY	You dont know what it was.
HELEN	So, what was it?	JERRY	Well, we fight a lot for some reason.
HELEN & MORTY	Oh, well...	JERRY	And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry.
HELEN	Well, I think shes a very attractive girl.	JERRY	Oh, she is, she absolutely is.
HELEN	I can see if there was a weight problem...	JERRY	No, its not that. It wasnt all one-sided.
HELEN	You know, you cant be so particular. Nobodys perfect.	JERRY	I know, I know...
HELEN	(hits Morty) Idiot. (to Jerry) So whore you looking for, Sophia Loren?	JERRY	Thats got nothin to do with it.
HELEN	I like Elaine more than Loni Anderson.	JERRY	What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasnt the one.
HELEN	And this other ones the one?	JERRY	I dunno, maybe...
MORTY	So ask Elaine there for her number.	JERRY	I cant. Shell get upset. I never talk about other women with her, especially this one tonight.
HELEN	How could you still see her if your not interested?	JERRY	Were friends.
MORTY	Doesnt sound like youre friends to me. If you were friends you'd-youd ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?	JERRY	Oh yeah.
MORTY	Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesnt she?	JERRY	I guess.
MORTY	So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to come down for lunch.	JERRY	You mean stakeout the lobby?
MORTY	He pretends he bumped into her!	JERRY	Yknow what? This is not that bad an idea.
GEORGE	What does she look like?	JERRY	I dunno. Hard to say.
GEORGE	What actress does she remind you of?	JERRY	Loni Anderson.
GEORGE	Loni Anderson?!	JERRY	What, theres something wrong with Loni Anderson? (pause) Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.
GEORGE	Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th street. Besides, you think I wanna miss this? (chuckles)	JERRY	Im a little nervous.
GEORGE	Yeah, me too...	JERRY	If I see her, what do I say that Im doing here in the building?
GEORGE	You came to see me. I work in the building.	JERRY	What do you do?
GEORGE	Im an architect.	JERRY	Youre an architect?
GEORGE	Im not?	JERRY	I dont see architecture comin from you.
GEORGE	(somewhat annoyed) I suppose you could be an architect.	JERRY	I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin else.
GEORGE	All right, shes not even gonna ask, if we see her, which is remote.	JERRY	Well whaddaya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?
GEORGE	Were having lunch with a friend. He works in the building.	JERRY	What is his name?
GEORGE	Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.	JERRY	Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
GEORGE	No good? All right, uh how about Art... Cor.....	JERRY	Art Cor...
GEORGE	...velay.	JERRY	Corvelay?
GEORGE	Yeah, right.	JERRY	Well, what does he do?
GEORGE	Hes an importer.	JERRY	Just imports, no exports?
GEORGE	(annoyed) Hes an importer/exporter, okay? (beat) Elaine ever call you back?	JERRY	No, I guess shes still mad.
GEORGE	I dont understand, you never talk to her about other women?	JERRY	Never. (The elevator door opens.) Wait a second. Thats her. On the right.
GEORGE	(anxious) I forgot who I am! Who am I?!	JERRY	Youre you. Were having lunch with Art Corvelay.
GEORGE	Vandelay!	JERRY	Corvelay!
GEORGE	Let me be the architect! I can do it!	JERRY	Hey, hey. uh Pamelas birthday party, didnt I see you there? Jerry.
VANESSA	Sure! Hi!	JERRY	Uh, this is George. (reaches for her name) Im sorry...
GEORGE	Nice to meet you.	JERRY	Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
VANESSA	Thats right! Yea, whatre you doing here?	JERRY	Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
GEORGE	...And exporter.	JERRY	Hes an importer/exporter.
GEORGE	They can...	JERRY	Yknow Im sorry you had to leave so early the other night.
VANESSA	Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.	JERRY	Oh, that guy was your cousin! (walking in front of George so he gets the picture to leave)
VANESSA	Yeah, and that woman was your...	JERRY	Friend!
GEORGE	Ill just, uh, get a paper...	JERRY	So, um, do you date uh immature men?
HELEN	Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...	JERRY	(annoyed) Ma, will you go already?
HELEN	Bum bum bum bum...	JERRY	What are you doing?!
HELEN	Wait, I just want to see something.	JERRY	You cant look in there, were playing!
KRAMER	Hi.	JERRY	Hi.
KRAMER	Hey Morty! (to Jerry) Salad dressing?	JERRY	Look.
HELEN	Quo. Is that a word?	JERRY	Maybe!
HELEN	Will you challenge it?	JERRY	Ma, you cant look up words in the dictionary! (to Morty) Dad, shes cheating!
HELEN	(to Jerry) Youre such a stickler...	JERRY	Well put something down, youre taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac and Artie, theyre all coming over here before the wedding?
HELEN	Theyll be here at two oclock. Oh, Elaine called. She said shed be here at two-thirty. And she says Hope your meeting went well with Art Vandelay?	JERRY	She said what?
HELEN	Just what I said, here.	JERRY	She knows! Oh, I am such a jackass.
HELEN	She knows what?	JERRY	She knows the whole stupid thing. Vanessa and the elevator...

ELAINE

Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?

JERRY

No, no. Still doin the big sweep across.

ELAINE

Why does he do that?

JERRY

Doesnt think anyone can tell. So cmon, do we have a deal?

ELAINE

A wedding?

JERRY

Theres a lot of people to mock...

ELAINE

All right, what the hell.

JERRY

Great!

ELAINE

Cmon lets go...

JERRY

Was I supposed to bring something?

ELAINE

You could have.

JERRY

I met her one time...

ELAINE

It is not necessary.

JERRY

What did you say then?

PAMELA

(shakes Jerry's hand) Yes, we met.

JERRY

Hi, happy birthday.

GUESTS, JERRY & ELAINE

Hi

JERRY

I didnt bring anything.

PAMELA

Uh, I put you two right here.

JERRY

Oh, Okay (turns to rest of table) Im sorry, I didnt know what to bring, nobody told me.

VANESSA

How big a tip do you think itd take to get him to stop?

JERRY

Im in for five...

VANESSA

Ill supply the hat.

JERRY

(thinking) Uh-oh... What do we have here?

VANESSA

Why dont you relax and take your jacket off?

JERRY

Oh, I cant. Uh, I have a tendency to get chilly.

VANESSA

How masculine.

JERRY

Plus Im wearing short sleeves, I dont want to expose my tattoos. (Vanessa smiles; thinking) Shes unbelievable!

VANESSA

Oh, you know Bricker! From where?

JERRY

(thinking) Whats going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, shes too good to be alone. Whats the difference, I cant maneouver anyway with Elaine next to me.

VANESSA

(to Jerry) How do you know Pamela?

JERRY

Uh, friend of a friend. And you?

ELAINE

(interrupting Jerry's conversation) Oh, Jerry!

JERRY

(turning to Elaine; thinking) Oh no, not now.

ELAINE

I had this dream last night and you were in it.

JERRY

Oh really? (tries turning away in the hopes Elaine gets the hint; thinking) Oh God, I gotta get out of this.

ELAINE

You were you, but, you werent you...

JERRY

No kidding. (thinking) Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!

ELAINE

I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were standing there, you were looking out the window...

JERRY

(thinking) This is brutal.

ELAINE

You turned around and you had these wooden teeth.

JERRY

How do you like that? (tries to turn away again; thinking)Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I cant, I cant. Im stuck.

ELAINE

(noticing Jerry not wanting to listen; annoyed) Jerry? Are you listening to me?

JERRY

Yes, I heard you.

PAMELA

Elaine, whats the name of that jewelry store you took me to that time?

JERRY

(thinking) Thank you, Pamela! (turns to talk to Vanessa; to Vanessa) So, youre a lawyer...

VANESSA

Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.

JERRY

(thinking) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft... (to Vanessa) Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit.

VANESSA

Oh, that was you?

JERRY

Imagine, spelling Mom with two Os.

VANESSA

Very funny! What do you do?

JERRY

Comedian.

VANESSA

Really? That explains it.

JERRY

(thinking; quickly) Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.

VANESSA

We gotta run. Happy birthday!

JERRY

(thinking) I cant believe it. I got nothing! I dont even know her name! Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...

ELAINE

Yknow, um, you could use a little work on your manners.

JERRY

Why? What did I do?

ELAINE

Wel-Well, I just dont appreciate these little courtesy responses, like Im selling you aluminum siding.

JERRY

I was listening!

ELAINE

No! You couldnt wait to get back to your little... conversation.

JERRY

No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.

ELAINE

Uh-huh...

JERRY

Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.

ELAINE

No! No! You had wooden teeth! You had wooden teeth! I didnt have wooden teeth, you did!

JERRY

All right, so I had wooden teeth, so what?

ELAINE

So nothing! Nothing. (annoyed sigh)

JERRY

Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said, Yeah, I got this new thing Platonic. My idea, my name, callin it after myself. What I do is, I go out with the girls, I talk with them- dont do anything, and go right home. Whatd you think? I think its going to be big! I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didnt work. Yknow, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went, Uh, Hi, uh my names Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, its a Riconic relationship.

MORTY

Ah, there he is!

JERRY

This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!

HELEN

Yknow, Jerry, we dont have to do this.

JERRY

What are you talkin about? Its fine, I love having you here.

HELEN

Tomorrow well go to a hotel.

JERRY

Ma, will you stop?

HELEN

No, why should we take over your apartment?

JERRY

I dont care. Im sleeping next door.

HELEN

Your friend Kramer doesnt mind?

JERRY

No, hes making a bouillabaisse.

MORTY

Depends on the firm.

JERRY

Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they would know who it was?

MORTY

Whats the matter? You need a lawyer?

JERRY

No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I dont know her name.

MORTY

So why dont you ask someone who was at the party?

JERRY

Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I cant ask her.

HELEN

Why not?

JERRY

Because its complicated. Theres some tension there.

HELEN

Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.

JERRY

Oh yeah, shes great.

HELEN

So, how come nothing materialized there?

JERRY

Well, its a tough thing to talk about uh. I dunno...

HELEN

I know what it was.

JERRY

You dont know what it was.

HELEN

So, what was it?

JERRY

Well, we fight a lot for some reason.

HELEN & MORTY

Oh, well...

JERRY

And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry.

HELEN

Well, I think shes a very attractive girl.

JERRY

Oh, she is, she absolutely is.

HELEN

I can see if there was a weight problem...

JERRY

No, its not that. It wasnt all one-sided.

HELEN

You know, you cant be so particular. Nobodys perfect.

JERRY

I know, I know...

HELEN

(hits Morty) Idiot. (to Jerry) So whore you looking for, Sophia Loren?

JERRY

Thats got nothin to do with it.

HELEN

I like Elaine more than Loni Anderson.

JERRY

What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasnt the one.

HELEN

And this other ones the one?

JERRY

I dunno, maybe...

MORTY

So ask Elaine there for her number.

JERRY

I cant. Shell get upset. I never talk about other women with her, especially this one tonight.

HELEN

How could you still see her if your not interested?

JERRY

Were friends.

MORTY

Doesnt sound like youre friends to me. If you were friends you'd-youd ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?

JERRY

Oh yeah.

MORTY

Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesnt she?

JERRY

I guess.

MORTY

So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to come down for lunch.

JERRY

You mean stakeout the lobby?

MORTY

He pretends he bumped into her!

JERRY

Yknow what? This is not that bad an idea.

GEORGE

What does she look like?

JERRY

I dunno. Hard to say.

GEORGE

What actress does she remind you of?

JERRY

Loni Anderson.

GEORGE

Loni Anderson?!

JERRY

What, theres something wrong with Loni Anderson? (pause) Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.

GEORGE

Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th street. Besides, you think I wanna miss this? (chuckles)

JERRY

Im a little nervous.

GEORGE

Yeah, me too...

JERRY

If I see her, what do I say that Im doing here in the building?

GEORGE

You came to see me. I work in the building.

JERRY

What do you do?

GEORGE

Im an architect.

JERRY

Youre an architect?

GEORGE

Im not?

JERRY

I dont see architecture comin from you.

GEORGE

(somewhat annoyed) I suppose you could be an architect.

JERRY

I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin else.

GEORGE

All right, shes not even gonna ask, if we see her, which is remote.

JERRY

Well whaddaya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?

GEORGE

Were having lunch with a friend. He works in the building.

JERRY

What is his name?

GEORGE

Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.

JERRY

Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.

GEORGE

No good? All right, uh how about Art... Cor.....

JERRY

Art Cor...

GEORGE

...velay.

JERRY

Corvelay?

GEORGE

Yeah, right.

JERRY

Well, what does he do?

GEORGE

Hes an importer.

JERRY

Just imports, no exports?

GEORGE

(annoyed) Hes an importer/exporter, okay? (beat) Elaine ever call you back?

JERRY

No, I guess shes still mad.

GEORGE

I dont understand, you never talk to her about other women?

JERRY

Never. (The elevator door opens.) Wait a second. Thats her. On the right.

GEORGE

(anxious) I forgot who I am! Who am I?!

JERRY

Youre you. Were having lunch with Art Corvelay.

GEORGE

Vandelay!

JERRY

Corvelay!

GEORGE

Let me be the architect! I can do it!

JERRY

Hey, hey. uh Pamelas birthday party, didnt I see you there? Jerry.

VANESSA

Sure! Hi!

JERRY

Uh, this is George. (reaches for her name) Im sorry...

GEORGE

Nice to meet you.

JERRY

Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.

VANESSA

Thats right! Yea, whatre you doing here?

JERRY

Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.

GEORGE

...And exporter.

JERRY

Hes an importer/exporter.

GEORGE

They can...

JERRY

Yknow Im sorry you had to leave so early the other night.

VANESSA

Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.

JERRY

Oh, that guy was your cousin! (walking in front of George so he gets the picture to leave)

VANESSA

Yeah, and that woman was your...

JERRY

Friend!

GEORGE

Ill just, uh, get a paper...

JERRY

So, um, do you date uh immature men?

HELEN

Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...

JERRY

(annoyed) Ma, will you go already?

HELEN

Bum bum bum bum...

JERRY

What are you doing?!

HELEN

Wait, I just want to see something.

JERRY

You cant look in there, were playing!

KRAMER

Hi.

JERRY

Hi.

KRAMER

Hey Morty! (to Jerry) Salad dressing?

JERRY

Look.

HELEN

Quo. Is that a word?

JERRY

Maybe!

HELEN

Will you challenge it?

JERRY

Ma, you cant look up words in the dictionary! (to Morty) Dad, shes cheating!

HELEN

(to Jerry) Youre such a stickler...

JERRY

Well put something down, youre taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac and Artie, theyre all coming over here before the wedding?

HELEN

Theyll be here at two oclock. Oh, Elaine called. She said shed be here at two-thirty. And she says Hope your meeting went well with Art Vandelay?

JERRY

She said what?

HELEN

Just what I said, here.

JERRY

She knows! Oh, I am such a jackass.

HELEN

She knows what?

JERRY

She knows the whole stupid thing. Vanessa and the elevator...