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122 | null | Теща зятю:
-Вот ты приходишь ко мне и видишь, что обои порваны, на потолке пятна, сантехника разломана...
Почему не поможешь..?
Ничего не сделаешь..?
-Так это ж не мое!
Оно мне надо?!
Теща в срочном порядке переписывает квартиру на него.
Через месяц:
-Ну чтооо...! зятек..!! чего за ремонт не берешься?
Мама! Это ж теперь не твое! Оно тебе
надо!?
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2286?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 33 | 0 | 1,726,197,000 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 59 | 0 | 0 | 0.989362 | 0.010638 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 11 | 0 | 13 | 4 | 27 | true |
122 | null | — Почему вы опоздали на работу?
— А почему вы зарплату задерживаете?
— Ну, в конце концов, вы её получаете.
— Так и на работу я, всё-таки, пришёл.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6479?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 35 | 0 | 1,732,459,046 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":165,"end_pos":169}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 7 | 4 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Попали в яму волк, лиса и свинья…
Лиса смотрит на свинью и думает:
— Мясо есть, сколько нибудь продержимся, а там глядишь, и выкарабкаемся… …
Волк посмотрел на свинью:
— Мясо есть…
Посмотрел на лису:
— Баба есть… Жить можно…
Свинья посмотрела на обоих и говорит:
— Ну, мне тут делать нечего… Давайте хоть спою, что-ли…
Все согласились… Как свинья поет — не знали ни лиса, ни волк… А хрюшка как завизжит! Охотники услышали — прибежали, волка и лису убили…
Последняя мысль угасающего сознания волка:
— Мясо было… Телка была… Нет, шоу захотелось!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6480?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 37 | 0 | 1,732,462,646 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| [{"ner":"Баба","lemma":"баба","label":"PER","start_pos":202,"end_pos":206},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":561,"end_pos":565}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 98 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 27 | 4 | 2 | 27 | 4 | 36 | true |
122 | null | В "Одноклассниках" у тебя 300 друзей. На свадьбе — 80. На дне рождения — 10… А когда у тебя проблема — всего 2… И, скорее всего, это будут родители.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6481?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 35 | 0 | 1,732,466,247 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| [{"ner":"Одноклассниках","lemma":"одноклассник","label":"ORG","start_pos":3,"end_pos":17},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":166,"end_pos":170},{"ner":"300","lemma":"300","label":"NUM","start_pos":26,"end_pos":29},{"ner":"80","lemma":"80","label":"NUM","start_pos":51,"end_pos":53},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":73,"end_pos":75},{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":109,"end_pos":110}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 9 | 1 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Позвонил сегодня в сбербанк и предложил им взять у меня кредит на их же условиях. Был послан в грубой форме.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6482?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 38 | 0 | 1,732,473,448 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| [{"ner":"сбербанк","lemma":"сбербанк","label":"ORG","start_pos":19,"end_pos":27},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":126,"end_pos":130}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Главный орган у человека – это задница.
Она во всем принимает участие: в лечении, учении, воспитании, принятии решений и поиске приключений. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/536?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 22 | 0 | 1,718,262,309 | 1,732,738,888 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 11 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | - Фирма приглашает опытных бездельников для работы в конкурирующей организации. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/537?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 27 | 0 | 1,718,297,163 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 10 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 1 | true |
122 | null | Приходит новый русский к священнику:
- Батюшка, надо кота отпеть!
- Нет, сын мой, не положено.
- А что делать?
- Ну, пойди вон туда, через дорогу, там коммерческая церковь, они за деньги всё, что хочешь, сделают.
- А хватит ли денег, у меня только 4000 баксов?
- А что же ты сразу не сказал, что у тебя кот крещёный?! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/538?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 26 | 0 | 1,718,348,706 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| [{"ner":"4000","lemma":"4000","label":"NUM","start_pos":248,"end_pos":252}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 60 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 1 | 11 | 5 | 24 | true |
122 | null | Вовочка на уроке зоологии:
- Я вчера нашел четыре дохлые мухи. Два самца и две самки.
Учитель смотрит скептически на ученика:
- А как ты смог определить их пол?
- Очень просто! Две приклеились к пиву, а две к зеркалу! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/539?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 40 | 0 | 1,718,548,558 | 1,732,738,888 | 87 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 40 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 11 | 4 | 10 | true |
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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | true |
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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 2 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Приезжает сельчанин в Москву, спускается в метро. Восторженно озирается:
- Так вот ты какое - Подмосковье!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6127?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,525,202 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Москву","lemma":"москва","label":"LOC","start_pos":22,"end_pos":28}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 0.96875 | 0.03125 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Автотурист рассказывает другу:
- Моя жена изобрела очень интересную систему: чтобы не
разряжались аккумуляторы, к которым подключено все
электричество нашего прицепа, мы ложимся спать без света.
- И какова эффективность?
- Аккумуляторы-то в порядке, но я потом лежу пластом.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6128?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,528,807 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 46 | 0 | 1 | 0.984615 | 0.015385 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 17 | 2 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Поспорили дети в школе что на свете быстрее всего.
Танечка говорит:
— Самое быстрое слово — сказал, а уже не вернешь!
Ванечка говорит:
— Самый быстрый свет! Только включил, а он уже горит!
Вовочка в ответ:
— У меня тут понос был, так я ни слова не успел сказать, ни свет включить.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/408?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 274 | 0 | 1,710,650,147 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 10 | 4 | 0 | 13 | 6 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Встречаются две подруги, одна другую спрашивает:
— Маш, ты что, беременная опять?
— Да.
— От кого???
— Да бывший муж приходил извиняться, что бросил меня одну с двумя детьми.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/409?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 267 | 0 | 1,710,658,979 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Приходит мама домой с работы:
— Таак... и что же мои хорошие детки сегодня полезного сделали?
Первый:
— Я... посуду мыл!
— Какой ты у меня молодец! — угощает его шоколадкой мама.
Второй:
— А я... посуду вытирал!!!
— Умница! — дает ему печенье.
Третий:
— Ну, а я подмел осколки и вынес ведро...
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/410?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 285 | 0 | 1,710,669,693 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Таак","lemma":"таак","label":"PER","start_pos":32,"end_pos":36}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 57 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 12 | 3 | 27 | true |
122 | null | Однажды в академии на протяжении всей лекции Платон простоял беззвучно, с закрытыми глазами перед своими учениками до самого заката Солнца. Когда же лекция подошла к концу, Платон раскрыл глаза и спросил учеников:
Платон: Что же, дети мои, какой вы урок сегодня извлекли?
В академии повисла гробовая тишина. И тут банщик сзади хлопает платона по плечу
- Платон ты охуел в бане срать!!! | https://t.me/anegdotofff/962?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 165 | 0 | 1,704,733,220 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Платон","lemma":"платон","label":"PER","start_pos":45,"end_pos":51},{"ner":"Солнца","lemma":"солнце","label":"LOC","start_pos":132,"end_pos":138},{"ner":"Платон","lemma":"платон","label":"PER","start_pos":173,"end_pos":179}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 62 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 18 | 5 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Два термита заходят в ресторан.
Официант: - Что будете заказывать?
Термиты: - Столик на двоих. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/963?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 162 | 0 | 1,704,740,421 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 15 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 5 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Маленький мальчик загадал желание:
"Хочу, чтобы у меня каждый день был День Рождения".
Через два месяца он состарился и умер. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/964?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 186 | 0 | 1,704,769,208 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 0 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Молодой парень подходит к цветочному ларьку.
— Мне бы букет цветов…
— Пожалуйста, у нас огромный выбор. Вам какие?
— Ой, я даже и не знаю…
— Позвольте я вам помогу. Из-за чего вы поссорились?
🌹 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4428?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,266,349 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 36 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Встречаются двое друзей. Один жалуется:
- Ты представляешь, я не знаю, что делать с моим дедом: он грызет ногти с утра до вечера!
- Понимаю, с моим такая же фигня была, но я нашел выход.
- Какой? Связал ему руки сзади?
- Нет, спрятал его вставную челюсть.
😝 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4429?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,273,533 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 48 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 11 | 6 | 2 | 11 | 1 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Идёт Лось Большие Яйца по лесу. Навстречу ему Лиса Длинный Хвост:
— Привет, я - Лиса Длинный Хвост!
— Привет, а я - Лось Большие Яйца!
Идёт Лось Большие Яйца дальше, а навстречу ему Волк Острые Зубы:
— Привет, я - Волк Острые Зубы!
— Привет, а я - Лось Большие Яйца!
Идёт Лось Большие Яйца дальше, и видит кустик.
Решил через кустик перелезть, а пока перелезал, ветка за яйца зацепилась, и они оторвались.
Идёт он дальше грустный, а навстречу ему
Заяц Серое Ухо:
— Привет, я Заяц Серое Ухо!
— Привет, а я Лось, - смотрит себе между ног, и со вздохом, - просто Лось(
Идет Заяц Серое Ухо дальше, видит куст и спрашивает:
— Ты кто?!
А куст ему:
— Я Куст Лосиные Яйца ))) | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1218?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,300 | 0 | 1,693,727,231 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Лиса Длинный Хвост","lemma":"лиса длинный хвост","label":"PER","start_pos":46,"end_pos":64},{"ner":"Волк Острые Зубы","lemma":"волк острый зуб","label":"PER","start_pos":186,"end_pos":202},{"ner":"Заяц Серое Ухо","lemma":"заяц серый ухо","label":"PER","start_pos":455,"end_pos":469},{"ner":"Заяц Серое Ухо","lemma":"заяц серый ухо","label":"PER","start_pos":485,"end_pos":499},{"ner":"Лось","lemma":"лось","label":"PER","start_pos":517,"end_pos":521},{"ner":"Лось","lemma":"лось","label":"PER","start_pos":572,"end_pos":576},{"ner":"Идет Заяц Серое Ухо","lemma":"идти заяц серое ухо","label":"PER","start_pos":578,"end_pos":597}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 127 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 13 | 15 | 16 | 0 | 21 | 9 | 43 | true |
122 | null | Moлодoй чeловeк зaxодит в бар, видит там красивую девушку, подходит к ней и говорит:
- Привет, крошка, давай я тебя трахну?
Крошка встает, дает ему коленкой между ног, он сгибается, она берет со cтoйки бaрa гpaфин и разбивает его ему об голову, чувак падает, крошка начинает бить его ногами по морде, под дых, по ребрам... Затем она пересаживается подальше. Через несколько минут парень с трудом встает, снова подходит к ней и говорит:
- Я так понимaю, в poт ты тоже нe вoзьмешь? | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1219?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,200 | 0 | 1,696,064,026 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"там красивую","lemma":"там красивую","label":"PER","start_pos":37,"end_pos":49},{"ner":"между ног","lemma":"между ног","label":"ORG","start_pos":157,"end_pos":166},{"ner":"он сгибается","lemma":"он сгибается","label":"PER","start_pos":168,"end_pos":180},{"ner":"его ногами по морде","lemma":"его ногами по морде","label":"PER","start_pos":280,"end_pos":299},{"ner":"пересаживается подальше","lemma":"пересаживается подальше","label":"PER","start_pos":333,"end_pos":356},{"ner":"минут парень","lemma":"минут парень","label":"PER","start_pos":374,"end_pos":386}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 82 | 1 | 1 | 0.990385 | 0.009615 | 0 | 2 | 19 | 14 | 1 | 18 | 6 | 20 | true |
122 | null | — Как у вас с либидо?
— Либи…что?
— Желание сексом заниматься есть?
— А, ну да. Только доктор, давайте быстро. Муж в машине ждет.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/321?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 347 | 0 | 1,710,763,356 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":142,"end_pos":150}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 14 | true |
122 | null | — Hепpавильно ты, дядя Федоp, стенкy кpасишь, цвет неyдачный, да и кpаска больно токсичная.
— A!!! Mать твою! Говоpящий кот!
— Bот и я говоpю, кpаска токсичная...
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/322?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 356 | 0 | 1,710,774,193 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Hепpавильно","lemma":"hепpавильно","label":"NORP","start_pos":2,"end_pos":13},{"ner":"Федоp","lemma":"Федоp","label":"ORG","start_pos":23,"end_pos":28},{"ner":"Bот","lemma":"Bот","label":"PER","start_pos":127,"end_pos":130},{"ner":"Анекдоты","lemma":"Анекдоты","label":"ORG","start_pos":163,"end_pos":171}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 0 | 1 | 0.978723 | 0.021277 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 16 | true |
122 | null | — Лeoнид, a чтo вы дeлaли c тpeмя accиcтeнткaми в лaбopaнтcкoй?
— Hичeгo...
— A пoчeму тoгдa кpoлик оттуда теперь с вами за руку здоровается?!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/323?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 335 | 0 | 1,710,831,791 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Лeoнид","lemma":"лeoнид","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":8},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":155,"end_pos":163}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 0.921053 | 0.078947 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 8 | 2 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Штирлиц проснулся в тюремной камере. Он совершенно не помнил,
как сюда попал, какое сегодня число и какая в городе власть. Пос-
ле долгих размышлений он наконец решил, что если войдет гестапо-
вец, надо будет сказать: "Хайль Гитлер, я - штандартенфюрер СС
фон Штирлиц", а если войдет советский солдат - представиться: "Я
- полковник Исаев". В этот момент входит милиционер и говорит:
"Ну и напились Вы вчера, товарищ Тихонов" | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/28?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,698,739 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Штирлиц","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7},{"ner":"Хайль Гитлер","lemma":"хайль гитлер","label":"PER","start_pos":223,"end_pos":235},{"ner":"СС\nфон Штирлиц","lemma":"сс\nфон штирлиц","label":"ORG","start_pos":257,"end_pos":271},{"ner":"Исаев","lemma":"исаев","label":"PER","start_pos":340,"end_pos":345},{"ner":"Тихонов","lemma":"тихонов","label":"PER","start_pos":425,"end_pos":432}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 68 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 11 | 5 | 0 | 14 | 6 | 20 | true |
122 | null | Ты вообще чем занимаешься?
— Людей достаю.
А они?
— Они орут.
А морду еще не били?
— Нет пока.
Я акушерка в роддоме. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/29?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,707,583 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Жена: — Мне нужны внимание и уход! Муж: — Внимание… я ухожу. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/30?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,715,470 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Подруги:
- Вчера, мне в личку мужик написал: ,, Детка, что на тебе?"
- А ты?
- А я не долго думая ответила:
Ипотека, три кредита, два убийства и грабёж..
До сих пор молчит, зараза! | https://t.me/anekdronti/303?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 99 | 0 | 1,718,625,666 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Детка","lemma":"детка","label":"PER","start_pos":48,"end_pos":53}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 10 | 3 | 18 | true |
122 | null | Жена:
- Ну, что ты копаешься с этой полочкой!!!
Вот Юлий Цезарь, говорят, мог делать 10 дел одновременно!
Муж:
- Никто, кстати, не говорил, что он заканчивал хоть какие-то из своих десяти одновременно делаемых дел. | https://t.me/anekdronti/304?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 95 | 0 | 1,718,640,066 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Юлий Цезарь","lemma":"юлий цезарь","label":"PER","start_pos":52,"end_pos":63},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":85,"end_pos":87}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 3 | 2 | 6 | 4 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Горничная попросила хозяйку дома о прибавке. Женщина заметно расстроилась и спросила:
— Почему же вы думаете, что заслуживаете повышения зарплаты?
— Ну, на это есть три причины.
Во-первых, я глажу белье лучше, чем вы.
— Кто это сказал?
— Ваш муж.
— О…
— Вторая причина заключается в том, что я готовлю лучше, чем вы.
— Кто это сказал?
— Ваш муж.
— О…
— И третья причина в том, что я в сексe лучше , чем вы.
— Неужели это тоже сказал мой муж?!
— Нет, наш садовник.
— Итак, сколько вы хотите? | https://t.me/anekdronti/305?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 104 | 0 | 1,718,650,866 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Горничная","lemma":"горничная","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":9}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 94 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 13 | 16 | 2 | 16 | 8 | 40 | true |
122 | null | Идeт Илья Mуpoмeц пo лecу, видит: Mapья-цapeвнa к дубу пpивязaнa. Cпpaшивaeт ee:
— Tы чeгo здecь дeлaeшь?
Oнa eму:
— Дa мeня Змeй Гopыныч укpaл, к дepeву пpивязaл и изн#cилoвaл.
Илья:
— A чeгo ж ты нe opaлa?
— Taк глушь вoкpуг-нe cлыxaть...
Зaдумчивo:
— He cлыxaть, гoвopишь…?
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1043?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 878 | 0 | 1,707,368,401 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Змeй Гopыныч","lemma":"змeй гopыныч","label":"PER","start_pos":125,"end_pos":137},{"ner":"изн#cилoвaл","lemma":"изн#cилoвaл","label":"PER","start_pos":165,"end_pos":176},{"ner":"Илья","lemma":"илья","label":"PER","start_pos":178,"end_pos":182}] | POSITIVE | other | NOT SPAM | 49 | 0 | 1 | 0.87013 | 0.12987 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 13 | 0 | 20 | true |
122 | null | Уxoдит дoчь гyлять, a мама и говорит:
- Если мальчик полезет целоваться, говори Мама не велит, если полезет в запазуху говори Папа не велит, а если в трусики, говори, что там очень горячо! Пришла дочь домой, мама и спрашивает:
- Ну что? Целоваться лез?
- Нет, я сказала Мама не велит.
- A в зaпaзуху лaзил?
- Нeт, говорила Папа не велит.
- Ну а в трусики?
- Я сказала, что там горячо, а он говорит, что у него сосиска есть, давай сварим. Так мы её 3 раза варили, я 2 раза на вкус пробовала, a онa вcе paвно cыpaя!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1044?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 861 | 0 | 1,707,397,203 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Папа","lemma":"папа","label":"LOC","start_pos":126,"end_pos":130},{"ner":"Мама","lemma":"мама","label":"PER","start_pos":270,"end_pos":274},{"ner":"Папа","lemma":"папа","label":"PER","start_pos":323,"end_pos":327},{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":448,"end_pos":449},{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":465,"end_pos":466}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 101 | 0 | 2 | 0.962963 | 0.037037 | 0 | 0 | 23 | 9 | 2 | 21 | 8 | 29 | true |
122 | null | Лейтенант молоденький съездил домой с заставы, ну, скорее там, в ресторане, познакомился с девкой, женился по быстрому, блин, ну и обратно на заставу вместе с ней укатил. Вот. Ну, приезжают они, значит, заходят в комнату... | https://t.me/bunnybayki/3109?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/bunnybayki | 67 | 0 | 1,732,437,864 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Пришёл сын с проколотым ухом домой, а отец ему говорит:
- Знаешь, сынок, уши прокалывают
либо пираты, либо пидорасы.
- Я знаю, - сказал сын
И взял очко отца на абордаж | https://t.me/dimonster69/185?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 25 | 0 | 1,713,551,610 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 11 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Вовочка надевает резиновые сапоги. Мама: — Вовочка, на улице сухо, грязи нет!
— Мама, да я найду!.. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/855?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 132 | 0 | 1,714,043,628 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Принесла учительница на урок рисования скульптуру обнаженной женщины.
— Леночка, скажи, что тебе больше всего нравиться в этой скульптуре?
— Плечи, голова…
— Молодец, пять! — А тебе что, Петенька?
— Груди.
— Выйди вон из класса! Два!
— А тебе Вовочка?
— Ухожу, ухожу… | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/857?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 96 | 0 | 1,714,125,309 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Леночка","lemma":"леночка","label":"PER","start_pos":72,"end_pos":79},{"ner":"Петенька","lemma":"петенька","label":"PER","start_pos":187,"end_pos":195}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 5 | 3 | 9 | 1 | 24 | true |
122 | null | К сожалению, более точно про завтрашнюю погоду мы узнаём лишь послезавтра. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/132?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 38 | 0 | 1,669,017,123 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 2 | true |
122 | null | — Чего не спишь?
— В Интернете сижу.
— Круто, а я в гостях.
— У кого?
— У тебя!
— Балин, забыл… | https://t.me/likeandsmile/133?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 43 | 0 | 1,669,101,961 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Интернете","lemma":"интернет","label":"LOC","start_pos":21,"end_pos":30},{"ner":"Круто","lemma":"круто","label":"PER","start_pos":39,"end_pos":44},{"ner":"Балин","lemma":"балин","label":"PER","start_pos":82,"end_pos":87}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 14 | true |
122 | null | - А это вы учите избавляться от слов-паразитов?
- Ну, типа да, а чё? | https://t.me/likeandsmile/134?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 40 | 0 | 1,669,215,223 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 14 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Идёт наркоман из магазина с мороженной курицей, встречает друга.
Тот спрашивает:
— Это курица?
А наркоман отвечает:
— Нет, это хавается | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/155?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 235 | 0 | 1,710,417,576 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Был один парень, которого заколдовал колдун и он мог говорить только одно слово в год.
И вот, он 4 года не говорил ни слова и собрал 4 слова, подошел к колдуну, а колдун ему:
-копить нельзя.
-блять. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/156?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 220 | 0 | 1,710,428,376 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":97,"end_pos":98},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":133,"end_pos":134}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 4 | 4 | 9 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Сидит отец и сын и вдруг батя говорит:
-Сынуля, помнишь у меня был лук и стрелы.
-Сын в недоумении говорит: ну да, помню.
-Так принеси мне их быстренько.
Мальчик бежит в дом, быстро достаёт лук и стрелы и топает к бате.
-Сына, видишь там окно у соседа открытая?....
-Вижу бать
-А веришь я не видя его, первой же стрелой через окно х*й ему пристрелю.
-Да нет конечно: сын отвечает.
Отец натягивает стрелу и отпускают, через пару секунд, они оба слышат соседа как орёт и материться во весь голос.
-Отец полон уверенностью говорит: сына, быстро на подоконник залез и посмотри что там случилось.
Сын идёт - смотрит и через минут 3 возвращается с приоткрытыми глазами и ртом, говорит: Отец у меня две новости.... Одна хорошая, одна печальная.
-Начинай с хорошей: говорит Отец
-Так вот, ты пристрелил х*й соседу как и говорил.
-А вторая?
-Ты маме щеку пробил.... | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/157?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 251 | 0 | 1,710,435,575 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"достаёт лук","lemma":"достаёт лук","label":"PER","start_pos":182,"end_pos":193},{"ner":"Отец","lemma":"отец","label":"PER","start_pos":381,"end_pos":385},{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":625,"end_pos":626}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 146 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 31 | 9 | 5 | 39 | 7 | 44 | true |
122 | null | Бизнес класс. Молодой и наглый юрист оказывается рядом с блондинкой.
Лететь долго. Начинает лезть к ней с каким-то предложением поиграть в игру,
суть которой сводится к тому, что он задаёт вопрос и если она не отвечает,
то даёт ему $5, если он не отвечает, то, соответственно, он даёт $5.
Она всячески от него отмахивается, он не унимается. А ей жутко спать хочется.
Тут он предлагает, что он будет платить не $5, а $500, если не ответит,
а если она, то всё также $5. Блондинка понимает, что этот гад не отстанет
и соглашается сыграть с ним в эту игру. Юрист спрашивает у блондинки расстояние
от Земли до Луны. Та молча достаёт $5 отдаёт юристу, отворачивается и пытается заснуть.
Но теперь юрист требует вопроса от блондинки. Та его спрашивает, кто поднимается в
гору на трёх ногах, а спускается на четырёх, потом опять отворачивается и засыпает.
Юрист пыхтел, думал, перешерстил весь свой компьютер, смысловые слова подбирал - никак.
Залез в Интернет, там всё перерыл - ничего. Застрочил емайлы своим знакомым - ничего.
Залез в библиотеку Конгресса США - тоже ничего. А полёт тем временем подходит к концу.
Наконец, не выдержав, юрист будит блондинку и отдаёт ей $500.
Та благодарит и опять отворачивается. Юрист, чуть ли не в бешенстве спрашивает,
что же все-таки это такое. Блондинка открывает сумочку и молча протягивает ему $5...
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2281?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 38 | 0 | 1,725,531,900 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| 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122 | null | В суде в маленьком городке на юге США прокурор вызывает
своего первого свидетеля - старенькую бабушку - и начинает допрос:
- Миссис Джонс, вы меня знаете? - Ну конечно я знаю вас, мистер Вильямс.
Я знала вас еще маленьким мальчиком и, честно говоря, вы меня весьма разочаровываете.
Вы лжете, изменяете своей жене, манипулируете людьми и говорите гадости за их спинами.
Вы думаете, что большой человек, потому что у вас не хватает мозгов, чтобы понять,
что вы - всего лишь мелкий бюрократ. Прокурор в шоке. Не зная, что делать дальше,
он указывает в другой конец комнаты и спрашивает: - Миссис Джонс, знаете ли вы адвоката?
- Ну конечно я знаю. Я знаю мистера Брэдли тоже с его младых ногтей.
Он ленивый, нетерпимый и у него проблемы с алкоголем.
Он не может построить нормальные отношения ни с кем,
а его адвокатская контора - одна из худших в нашем штате.
Не говоря уже о том, что он изменял своей жене с тремя разными женщинами.
Кстати, одна из них - ваша жена. Да, я знаю его. Адвокат ни жив, ни мертв...
Судья просит обоих юристов подойти к нему и тихо говорит:
- Если кто-нибудь из вас, идиотов, спросит ее, знает ли она меня,
я отправлю вас обоих на электрический стул!!!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2282?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 42 | 0 | 1,725,545,400 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"США","lemma":"сша","label":"LOC","start_pos":34,"end_pos":37},{"ner":"Вильямс","lemma":"вильямс","label":"PER","start_pos":187,"end_pos":194},{"ner":"Брэдли","lemma":"брэдли","label":"PER","start_pos":659,"end_pos":665}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 207 | 0 | 4 | 0.996296 | 0.003704 | 0 | 18 | 32 | 36 | 5 | 39 | 12 | 48 | true |
122 | null | 🎭
Вспоминаю, как бабка наша оставила нас с братом на даче. Оставила с дедом. Надо ей было уехать по делам. Нам по 8 лет было. Улеглись спать, болтаем, бесимся. Дед говорит:
- Спите. Завтра подниму рано. Завтрак в девять.
Нам по барабану. Заснули за полночь. Дед будит в 8.30:
- Вставайте. Завтрак в девять.
- Ага, деда...
И спать дальше. Встаём в 11. Сарай с продуктами заперт. Ключи у деда в кармане. Бабка-то нам по пять раз завтрак подогревала.
- Деда, а завтрак?
- Завтрак в девять.
Помыкались, думаем, ну и фиг с ним.
- Деда, мы на речку.
- Идите. Обед в час.
Ушли. Приходим в половине третьего. Сарай на замке.
- Деда?
- Ужин в семь.
После купания в речке жрать охота, аж караул. К тому же, ещё и не завтракали. За сараем был отрыт погребок. Там стояли две трёхлитровые банки со сливочным маслом. Так вот. Два восьмилетних пацана ели это масло пальцами из банок.
Семь часов. Мы уже сидим за столом. Дед накладывает в миски гречневую кашу. Я начинаю есть. Братец кашу отодвигает:
- Деда, я такую не ем. Мне бабушка рассыпчатую делает.
Дед, молча, забирает миску:
- Завтрак в девять.
- Не, деда, не убирай. Я съем.
На следующий день мы с одной побудки сидели за столом в девять. Вот такое воспитание. За сутки. Без криков, нотаций и рукоприкладства...
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2283?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 69 | 0 | 1,725,592,200 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":114,"end_pos":115},{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":270,"end_pos":271},{"ner":"30","lemma":"30","label":"NUM","start_pos":272,"end_pos":274},{"ner":"11","lemma":"11","label":"NUM","start_pos":347,"end_pos":349}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 224 | 0 | 4 | 0.996836 | 0.003165 | 0 | 7 | 37 | 16 | 14 | 76 | 10 | 68 | true |
122 | null | — Почему борьба с коррупцией в Китае идет успешнее, чем в России?
— Потому, что в России на борьбу с коррупцией выделяют деньги, а в
Китае — патроны.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6476?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 36 | 0 | 1,732,441,044 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Китае","lemma":"китай","label":"LOC","start_pos":31,"end_pos":36},{"ner":"России","lemma":"россия","label":"LOC","start_pos":58,"end_pos":64},{"ner":"России","lemma":"россия","label":"LOC","start_pos":82,"end_pos":88},{"ner":"Китае","lemma":"китай","label":"LOC","start_pos":133,"end_pos":138},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":167,"end_pos":171}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 8 | true |
122 | null | — Изя, как ты считаешь, это вина Путина, что экономика разваливается?
— Сёма, а ты как считаешь — это его заслуга?
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6477?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 33 | 0 | 1,732,448,245 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Путина","lemma":"путин","label":"PER","start_pos":33,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"Сёма","lemma":"сёма","label":"PER","start_pos":72,"end_pos":76},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":132,"end_pos":136}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Много лет прожив в глубинке, мой друг Николай считает себя настоящим сельским парнем. Однако его жена Инна любит подтрунивать над его городскими привычками. Недавно прямо при гостях она заявила: "Да ты отродясь не знал, как корова выглядит, пока не встретил меня! "
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6478?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 36 | 0 | 1,732,451,845 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Николай","lemma":"николай","label":"PER","start_pos":38,"end_pos":45},{"ner":"Инна","lemma":"инна","label":"PER","start_pos":102,"end_pos":106},{"ner":"корова","lemma":"корова","label":"PER","start_pos":225,"end_pos":231},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":284,"end_pos":288}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 9 | 5 | 0 | 10 | 5 | 9 | true |
122 | null | — Мужчина, можете не материться при ребенке?
— Вообще-то я слова перечисляю, которые он на моей машине нацарапал! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/534?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 26 | 0 | 1,717,004,947 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Садятся в такси пьяные: двое парней с девушкой. Водитель заметил, что они пьяны, решил их обмануть. Он завел двигатель и через несколько секунд выключил его.
Поворачивается к клиентам говоря:
- Все мы приехали...
Один парень поблагодарил его, другой протянул ему деньги, а девушка влепила водиле оплеуху.
Подумав, что она догадался о проделке, водитель спросил:
- За что??
Девушка отвечает:
- Чтобы в следующий раз не превышал скорости. Ты нас чуть не убил! Шумахер гребаный! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/535?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 21 | 0 | 1,718,215,986 | 1,732,738,889 | 98 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 74 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 19 | 11 | 3 | 17 | 1 | 21 | true |
122 | null | Не хватает 13) | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/557?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 226 | 0 | 1,713,213,978 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":0,"end_pos":1}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 2 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Новость: Молдавские учёные доказали, что Земля не круглая. Она грязная и скрипит на зубах.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6124?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,514,403 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Земля","lemma":"земля","label":"LOC","start_pos":41,"end_pos":46}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 0.965517 | 0.034483 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | - Ну-с, дорогая, займемся безопасным сексом!
- Ты купил презервативы?
- Нет, отправил жену к маме!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6125?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,518,007 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 0.972973 | 0.027027 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 9 | true |
122 | null | На суде слушается дело о разводе. Судья спрашивает у жены, поч
она вышла замуж за этого человека?
- Почему я за него вышла замуж? Думала, если мужчина каждый де
пьет, значит он прилично зарабатывает.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6126?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,521,602 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 41 | 0 | 0 | 0.981818 | 0.018182 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 0 | 10 | 5 | 8 | true |
122 | null | К травматологу приходит женщина с забинтованной рукой и ногой:
— Что с вами случилось?
— Я включила полотер, а он меня током ударил в руку.
— А с ногой что?
— Я его тоже ударила...
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/405?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 281 | 0 | 1,710,594,200 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 38 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Учитель пишет на доске цветными мелками.
Голос Вовочки из класса:
— Голубым не видно!
Учитель:
— Пускай пересядут!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/406?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 301 | 0 | 1,710,604,980 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Голос Вовочки","lemma":"голос вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":41,"end_pos":54}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Дама в зоопарке восхищается страусами.
— Скажите, пожалуйста, — спросила она служителя. — Они когда—нибудь роняют перья?
— Обычно нет, мадам, но могут уронить, если увидят десять долларов.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/407?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 270 | 0 | 1,710,615,787 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 5 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Проиграл генерал в карты, проиграл на желание - съесть тарелку говна с горкой.
Вот сидит он, ест, пол тарелки сожрал - уже тошно.
Вдруг вбегает в его кабинет прапорщик, весь красный, еле на ногах стоит, пот ведром с него льется. Вбегает и говорит: "Товарищ генерал, разрешите... ЫХ!... Разрешите доложить!"
Генерал думает - "Хмм, что-то случилось, и нужен мой контроль! Вот сейчас тогда свалю и доедать не стану!"
Говорит: "Докладывай!"
А прапорщик с чувством облегчения снимает штаны и дрищет ему в тарелку. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/959?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 155 | 0 | 1,704,711,619 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 81 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 22 | 6 | 0 | 24 | 6 | 28 | true |
122 | null | — Вчера купил три пачки Виагры и съел...
— Ну и чё?
— Хуй через плечо | https://t.me/anegdotofff/960?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 145 | 0 | 1,704,718,837 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Виагры","lemma":"виагра","label":"PER","start_pos":24,"end_pos":30}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 16 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Сначала в дверь постучали 8 раз
Потом 9 раз
Затем постучали 7 раз
А в конце постучали 10 раз
- Вы там совсем ебанутые что ли? - подумал Штирлиц | https://t.me/anegdotofff/961?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 147 | 0 | 1,704,726,024 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Штирлиц","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":136,"end_pos":143},{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":26,"end_pos":27},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":38,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":60,"end_pos":61},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":86,"end_pos":88}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 6 | 5 | 3 | true |
122 | null | — Две бутылки виски и пачку сигарет, пожалуйста.
— Чем будете расплачиваться, наличными или картой?
— Здоровьем.
😅 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4424?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,201,571 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"Здоровьем","lemma":"здоровье","label":"LOC","start_pos":102,"end_pos":111}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Попали как-то консультант, аналитик и эксперт на необитаемый остров…
да и фиг с ними, невелика потеря!
😄 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4426?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,257,061 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 3 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Только подкаблучник будет спрашивать у девушки, можно ли посидеть с друзьями. Настоящий мужчина и так знает, что нельзя!
👠 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4427?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,259,127 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 4 | true |
122 | null | СССР. Лётная часть. Учения у бомбардировщиков с полётами с настоящими боеприпасами. Посмотреть за взлётом бомбардировщиков на лётном поле около ВПП собрались несколько офицеров во главе с генералом. Бомбардировщики взлетают. Офицеры смотрят.
И вдруг при взлёте у бомбардировщика бомба срывается с подвеса, прыгает по ВПП.
Офицеры дружно прыгают в кювет лицом вниз, закрывают головы руками.
Генерал остаётся стоять где стоял. Задумчиво смотрит на извалявшихся в грязи подчинённых и изрекает:
-А чего вы прячетесь? Бомба то ядерная! | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1214?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,100 | 0 | 1,692,911,114 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"СССР","lemma":"ссср","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 75 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 15 | 2 | 1 | 25 | 5 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Жил-был один богач. И как-то этот богач возвращался домой через поля, а там мужик работает. Ну, и присели оба в тенечке, да разговор завели.
Спрашивает богач:
— Слушай, мужик, вот ты пашешь, пашешь, денег-то хватает тебе?
— Хватает, — отвечает тот.
— А куда ты их деваешь? — не унимается богач.
— Нуу, на одну треть долг возвращаю, еще треть в долг даю, остальное в воду бросаю, — ответил мужик и ушел дальше пахать.
Пожал плечами богач, да тоже домой поехал. Но мысль о таком странном распределении заработанных денег не давала ему покоя. Задумался сильно, аж приболел. А была у того богача жена премудрая-премудрая. И жена спрашивает, мол, что с тобой, богач. Богач поведал ей тот разговор и заключил, наверное тот мужик дурак был.
А премудрая жена рассмеялась:
— Тот мужик просто очень мудро изъяснился, а ты его не понял. Долг отдает, значит, родителям помогает, в долг дает — сыновей растит, а в воду бросает — дочерей растит.
Задумался богач и решил того мужика своим советником сделать. В тот же вечер он поехал в деревню за сто верст, с трудом разыскал дом мужика, совсем из сил выбился, смотрит, а он на берегу озера стоит и деньги в воду бросает | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1215?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,200 | 0 | 1,693,144,178 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Богач","lemma":"богач","label":"PER","start_pos":662,"end_pos":667}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 199 | 1 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 45 | 13 | 4 | 54 | 17 | 56 | true |
122 | null | Друзья, как вы заметили, рекламу в канале я практически не продаю, но сегодня решил, что есть бодрый вариант заработать денег и вам и мне, делюсь
при регистрации по
моей
реферальной ссылке получаете акций крупных компаний на сумму до 100.000₽ от тиньков
👉🏼
https://www.tinkoff.ru/baf/9FaRspLbMOj | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1216?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,300 | 0 | 1,693,660,815 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"00.00","lemma":"00.00","label":"DATE","start_pos":235,"end_pos":240},{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":234,"end_pos":237},{"ner":"000","lemma":"000","label":"NUM","start_pos":238,"end_pos":241},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":284,"end_pos":285}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 0 | 0.981818 | 0.018182 | 0 | 3 | 6 | 4 | 1 | 13 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | — А кто это там так орет у соседей?
— А, это Катька...
— Рожает, что ли?
— Нет, беременеет.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/317?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 322 | 0 | 1,710,658,966 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"Катька","lemma":"катька","label":"PER","start_pos":45,"end_pos":51},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":104,"end_pos":112}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Наташа Ростова звонит поручику Ржевскому:
— Поручик, приезжайте ко мне на чай.
Поручик ничего не ответил. В 19 веке не было телефонов.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/318?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 324 | 0 | 1,710,676,933 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Наташа Ростова","lemma":"наташа ростов","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":14},{"ner":"Ржевскому","lemma":"ржевский","label":"PER","start_pos":31,"end_pos":40},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":147,"end_pos":155},{"ner":"19","lemma":"19","label":"NUM","start_pos":108,"end_pos":110}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | — Сарочка, тебе удобно сидеть?
— Да, Абрамчик, удобно.
— Тебе не дует?
— Нет, золотой.
— Давай поменяемся местами.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/319?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 299 | 0 | 1,710,687,701 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Абрамчик","lemma":"абрамчик","label":"PER","start_pos":37,"end_pos":45},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":127,"end_pos":135}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Приказал лев яму в лесу вырыть и издал указ: "Кто ночью в яму упадет, того весь лес иметь будет!".
Так получилось, что заяц возвращался поздно вечером из гостей и попал в яму.
Мечется по ней, выбраться не может. Думает: "Я такой маленький! Что от меня потом останется?!"
Тут волк идет, увидел зайца в яме:
— Косой, что ты там делаешь?
— Да, вот. Лев указ издал, что кто в яму ночью попадет, тот любого зверя в лесу поимеет.
— Слушай, косой, я на одного зверя зуб имею, давай поменяемся!
— Ну, ладно, давай! Волк зайца вытащил, а сам в яму прыгнул. Утром собрались звери вокруг ямы. А волк стоит — лапы в боки:
— Слона мне! Слона!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/320?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 344 | 0 | 1,710,745,309 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Косой","lemma":"косой","label":"PER","start_pos":308,"end_pos":313},{"ner":"Лев","lemma":"лев","label":"PER","start_pos":346,"end_pos":349},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":642,"end_pos":650}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 121 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 28 | 9 | 1 | 33 | 5 | 45 | true |
122 | null | Идет заседание. Сталин читает речь. Вдруг среди сидящих политиков кто-то начал курить.
- Кто курит? - спрашивает Сталин.
Молчание.
- Кто курит? - повторяет Сталин.
Снова молчание.
- Первый ряд, кто курил?
Молчание.
- Расстрелять первый ряд!
Расстреляли.
- Второй ряд, кто курил?
Молчание.
- Расстрелять второй ряд!
Расстреляли.
- Третий ряд, кто курил?
Поднимается куривший и дрожащим голосом говорит:
- Это я...
- Курение убивает, здоровья вам. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/27?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 23 | 0 | 1,690,696,604 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Сталин","lemma":"сталин","label":"PER","start_pos":16,"end_pos":22},{"ner":"Сталин","lemma":"сталин","label":"PER","start_pos":113,"end_pos":119},{"ner":"Сталин","lemma":"сталин","label":"PER","start_pos":156,"end_pos":162}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 68 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 20 | 14 | 0 | 16 | 2 | 28 | true |
122 | null | Мышка вышла замуж за слона. Через день слон умирает. Мышка плачет и плачет, звери успокаивают её:
- Ну, чего ты плачешь! Всего один день с ним жила.
- Да, один день… а закапывать теперь всю жизнь. | https://t.me/anekdronti/300?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 103 | 0 | 1,718,564,466 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 36 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 2 | 8 | 3 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Волк донимает Чебурашку, тому уже надоело… не знает, как отвязаться от него. Разозлился Чебурашка и говорит:
- Волк… хочешь, чтобы у тебя член был до земли?
- Хочу, конечно.
- Гена, откуси ему ноги. | https://t.me/anekdronti/301?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 96 | 0 | 1,718,607,666 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Волк","lemma":"волк","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4},{"ner":"Чебурашку","lemma":"чебурашку","label":"PER","start_pos":14,"end_pos":23},{"ner":"Чебурашка","lemma":"чебурашка","label":"PER","start_pos":91,"end_pos":100}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Умер гаишник.
Предстал перед богом.
Бог спрашивает:
— Ну что ты, сын мой, делал ли ты людям добро?
Да, бывало.
— А зло?
И такое было.
— Ну, вот тебе две дороги, одна в рай, другая в ад.
Какую выберешь, туда и попадешь.
Мент отвечает:
— А можно я здесь на перекрестке останусь? | https://t.me/anekdronti/302?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 98 | 0 | 1,718,618,466 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 53 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 5 | 2 | 12 | 3 | 22 | true |
122 | null | — Ах, доктор, такое несчастье, такое несчастье...
— А в чем собственно дело? — Понимаете, у моего мужа чл#н длиной метр.
— Дык, дорогая вы моя, какое же это несчастье? Это же наоборот счастье! — Иметь мужа с таким длинным чл#ном! Да я вам просто завидую!
— Счастье было, когда он стоял! А теперь он меня им лупит!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1040?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 879 | 0 | 1,707,282,002 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Дык","lemma":"дык","label":"PER","start_pos":123,"end_pos":126}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 59 | 0 | 2 | 0.987342 | 0.012658 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 3 | 22 | true |
122 | null | Сидит старуха на берегу моря с разбитым корытом, а рядом на солнышке греется старый кот. Забросила старуха невод и вытянула Золотую Рыбку.
— Все, что ты старуха пожелаешь, все исполню. Загорелись у старухи глазки.
— Хочу, — говорит, — палаты белокаменные, что бы я была богатой, молодой и красивой. А этот вот старый кот — стал молодым юношей и был безумно в меня влюблен. Вот… Hе успела пожелать, как все тотчас исполнилось. Стоит дворец, она — красавица девушка, а рядом безумной красоты парень. Hу, старуха (девушка тобиш) быстренько к нему прильнула… Тут парень и молвит бархатным голосом:
— Вот теперь-то ты и пожалеешь, что к ветеринару меня сводила…
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1041?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 791 | 0 | 1,707,310,802 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Золотую Рыбку","lemma":"золотой рыбка","label":"PER","start_pos":124,"end_pos":137}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 109 | 0 | 1 | 0.992857 | 0.007143 | 0 | 11 | 18 | 11 | 0 | 23 | 11 | 33 | true |
122 | null | Сдeлaл ceбе мyжик подтяжку кожи на лице, выходит из клиники, довольный, радуется жизни, чувствует себя лет на 20 моложе. Хочется ему со всеми этой радостью поделиться, подходит к мужику первому попавшемуся и спрашивает:
А как вы думаете, сколько мне лет? .
Мужик внимательно пригляделся и говорит:
— Ну думаю, года 32.
— А вот и не угадали, мне 46.
Подходит к девушке:
— Девушка, сколько мне лет?
— Наверное, лет 30.
— Неправильно. Мне 46.
Заходит в ресторан, подходит к управляющему и спрашивает:
— Скажите, любезнейший, сколько мне лет.
— Я бы вaм, мoлодой человек, дал 34 года.
— НEТ! Мне 46.
Выxoдит на улицу, птички вокруг поют, жизнь заново началась, смотрит — стоит старушка на автобусной остановке. Он к ней:
— Угадайте, сколько мне лет.
— Вы знаете молодой человек, мне уже 89 лет и я очень плохо вижу, поэтому не могу сказать, сколько вам лет, но когда я была моложе, я могла угадывать безошибочно возраст мужчины по состоянию его гениталий.
— А как это?
— Ну вот давайте я вам руку в штаны засуну и определю.
Мужику интересно стало и он согласился.
Старушка руку ему на чл#н положила, гладила его, ласкала минут 5, потом задумалась на секунду и говорит:
Вам 46 лет.
Мужик:
— А как вы догадались, только честно?
— Да я в рecторанe подcлушaлa.
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1042?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 886 | 0 | 1,707,339,603 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"20","lemma":"20","label":"NUM","start_pos":110,"end_pos":112},{"ner":"32","lemma":"32","label":"NUM","start_pos":315,"end_pos":317},{"ner":"46","lemma":"46","label":"NUM","start_pos":345,"end_pos":347},{"ner":"30","lemma":"30","label":"NUM","start_pos":413,"end_pos":415},{"ner":"46","lemma":"46","label":"NUM","start_pos":436,"end_pos":438},{"ner":"34","lemma":"34","label":"NUM","start_pos":572,"end_pos":574},{"ner":"46","lemma":"46","label":"NUM","start_pos":592,"end_pos":594},{"ner":"89","lemma":"89","label":"NUM","start_pos":783,"end_pos":785},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":1123,"end_pos":1124},{"ner":"46","lemma":"46","label":"NUM","start_pos":1169,"end_pos":1171}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 219 | 0 | 6 | 0.996656 | 0.003344 | 0 | 8 | 42 | 28 | 15 | 47 | 13 | 72 | true |
122 | null | Я тебе по секрету скажу: кошки живут лучше чем большинство здесь находящихся.
#цитата_дня
@Dik79
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🗣️ | https://t.me/bunnybayki/3104?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/bunnybayki | 66 | 0 | 1,732,253,431 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"79","lemma":"79","label":"NUM","start_pos":94,"end_pos":96}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 1 | 0.967742 | 0.032258 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | — Я считаю, секс - лучшее лекарство.
— Папа, не надо. | https://t.me/dimonster69/181?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 28 | 0 | 1,713,376,136 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Муж нежно прошептал мне:
— Свяжи меня и делай что хочешь… Я связала его и пошла в клуб. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/852?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 120 | 0 | 1,714,043,628 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Вовочка и Танечка сидят в детском саду на горшках. Девочка спрашивает:
— Ты кто: мальчик или нет?
— Не знаю.
— А ты встань, я посмотрю и скажу. Вовочка встал,
Танечка говорит:
— Ты мальчик!
— А как ты узнала?
— У тебя носочки синие. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/853?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 107 | 0 | 1,714,043,628 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7},{"ner":"Танечка","lemma":"танечка","label":"PER","start_pos":10,"end_pos":17}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 18 | true |
122 | null | — Сегодня, дети, мы будем писать диктант.
— Марь Иванна, я не могу!
— Почему же, Вовочка?
— А я сегодня сексуально утомленный.
— А ты, Вовочка, другой рукой пиши. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/854?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 112 | 0 | 1,714,043,628 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Иванна","lemma":"иванна","label":"PER","start_pos":49,"end_pos":55},{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":81,"end_pos":88},{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":135,"end_pos":142}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Случай после вечеринки.
— Сынок, а где пианино?
— А, дал послушать! | https://t.me/likeandsmile/129?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 33 | 0 | 1,668,926,777 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Большинство людей считает, что предыдущие поколения были глупее нынешнего. А их не удивляет тот факт, что раньше в инструкции для пользователя автомобиля писали, как регулировать клапанные зазоры, а теперь пишут, что не следует пить аккумуляторную жидкость? | https://t.me/likeandsmile/130?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 35 | 0 | 1,668,957,118 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 36 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 3 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Двое пьяных идут по набережной и вдруг слышат крик:
- На помощь! Спасите! Киньте мне веревку кто-нибудь!
Один алкаш смотрит через парапет, видит в реке тонущего мужика и говорит другому:
- Ты смотри, он передумал топиться, решил повеситься. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/153?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 239 | 0 | 1,710,395,976 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 38 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 13 | 6 | 2 | 8 | 1 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Когда у Майкла Джексона родился сын, при выходе с женой и новорожденным из больницы он спросил:
— Доктор, а теперь мы можем заниматься cекcом?
— Майкл, подождите. Пусть он хотя бы подрастёт. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/154?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 239 | 0 | 1,710,406,776 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Майкла Джексона","lemma":"майкл джексон","label":"PER","start_pos":8,"end_pos":23},{"ner":"Майкл","lemma":"майкл","label":"PER","start_pos":145,"end_pos":150}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Блондинка приходит к адвокату и спрашивает:
- Это правда, что при разводе можно получить половину состояния мужа?
- Если все сделать грамотно, то да, такое возможно. А почему вы хотите развестись?
- Да нет, я пока еще только хочу найти подходящего мужа.
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2278?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 39 | 0 | 1,725,445,500 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 1 | 0.982143 | 0.017857 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 8 | 6 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Красная шапочка идет по лесу и видит
волк за пеньком сидит, и она ему сказала:
-Какие у тебя большие уши серый волк!
А волк на неё "зырк" и убежал
Красная шапочка идет дальше и видит волк за деревом сидит, и она ему сказала:
-Какие у тебя большие глаза серый волк!
А волк оскалив зубы убежал
Красная шапочка идет дальше и видит волк за кустами сидит, и она ему сказала:
-Какие у тебя большиу зубы серый волк!
Волк не стерпел:
-Да ты уже зае@ала, дай посрать нормально!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2279?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 40 | 0 | 1,725,459,000 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 87 | 0 | 2 | 0.991071 | 0.008929 | 0 | 8 | 18 | 10 | 0 | 20 | 4 | 18 | true |
122 | null |
Мужик возвращается домой поздно вечером и
видит сквозь щель двери сарая во дворе свет ручного фонаря.
Он тут же звонит в полицию: - Алло, полиция?
У меня в сарае кто-то шарит, я подозреваю это воры!
- Сэр, к сожалению, сейчас все патрульные машины заняты,
мы вышлем наряд, как только кто-нибудь освободится, через час-другой...
Мужик кладет трубку и перезванивает в полицию через три минуты:
- Алло, это опять я. Поскольку свободного патруля у вас нет,
я был вынужден перестрелять воров самостоятельно.
Так что когда патруль освободится, вышлите с ними заодно
пару-тройку санитарных машин, забрать трупы...
Через минуту к дому с воем подлетает штук пять полицейских машин,
двор мгновенно заполняется вооруженными полицейскими,
перепуганные воры вылетают из сарая и сдаются.
Старший из приехавших полицейских бросается к хозяину дома:
- Вы говорили, что тут, по крайней мере, три трупа!...
- Ну, а вы говорили, что в округе нет ни одного свободного полицейского наряда...
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2280?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 39 | 0 | 1,725,505,800 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 151 | 0 | 1 | 0.995215 | 0.004785 | 0 | 11 | 26 | 18 | 4 | 49 | 11 | 35 | true |
122 | null | — Дорогой, ты ведь знаешь, что я была послана тебе с небес!
— Да-а... Ненадёжное у нас ПВО...
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6472?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 38 | 0 | 1,732,387,042 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":111,"end_pos":115}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Один парень спрашивает у друга — как научить девушку плавать.
— Ну-у-у... это целая наука: одной рукой обнимаешь за талию, другую подкладываешь под грудь...
— Дурак, я о моей сестре!
— Так бы сразу и сказал — дай ей пинка с мостика!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6473?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 37 | 0 | 1,732,390,643 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Дурак","lemma":"дурак","label":"PER","start_pos":159,"end_pos":164},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":250,"end_pos":254}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 4 | 2 | 11 | 6 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Катюшка открыла шкаф с игрушками и достала набор парикмахера. Кот Васька нырнул под кровать, а дедушка не успел.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6474?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 36 | 0 | 1,732,430,243 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| [{"ner":"Васька","lemma":"васька","label":"PER","start_pos":66,"end_pos":72},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":130,"end_pos":134}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 3 | true |
122 | null | — А что такое авангардное искусство?
— Это когда думаешь, что попал на выставку детского рисунка, а оказалось, что взрослого гения.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6475?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 34 | 0 | 1,732,437,444 | 1,732,738,890 | 98 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":149,"end_pos":153}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Подруга подруге рассказывает:
- Вчера иду по улице, вижу 100 баксов лежит. "О-О, - думаю - нашла!" Наклонилась подобрать, чувствую - зарабатываю! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/532?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 32 | 0 | 1,716,741,894 | 1,732,738,890 | 110 | 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| [{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":57,"end_pos":60}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 2 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Сидят на столбе два электрика, мимо идёт бабка.
Один электрик говорит:
- Бабушка, подай пожалуйста вон тот провод.
Бабка нагибается, поднимает провод и подаёт его электрику.
- Спасибо бабушка.
Бабка уходит.
Один электрик говорит другому:
- Я же говорил тебе, что нулевой, а ты :"Фаза, фаза!". | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/533?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 43 | 0 | 1,716,801,197 | 1,732,738,890 | 109 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 46 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 9 | 4 | 3 | 17 | 3 | 19 | true |
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