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122 | null | Банк, из которого меня уволили три года назад, купил банк, в котором я работаю сейчас, и меня снова уволили. Неужели только ради этого и покупали?
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6465?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 39 | 0 | 1,732,351,032 | 1,732,738,892 | 141 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":164,"end_pos":168}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Глаза увидели сиськи пятого размера, голова закружилась, сердце застучало, в брюках стало тесно… И только кошелек от страха задрожал и затаился…
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6466?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 39 | 0 | 1,732,354,633 | 1,732,738,892 | 124 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":162,"end_pos":166}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | За кражу из одесского супермаркета женщину привлекли к суду.
— Гражданка Циперович, — спрашивает судья. — Что именно вы украли?
— Маленькую банку с консервированными персиками. В ней было всего шесть персиков.
— Шесть персиков... гм... Суд приговаривает вас к шести суткам тюремного заключения, по одному дню за каждый персик.
Женщина убита горем и едва не падает в обморок, а её муж вскакивает с места и кричит:
— Ваша честь! А ещё она украла банку зелёного горошка!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6467?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 41 | 0 | 1,732,361,834 | 1,732,738,892 | 124 | 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| [{"ner":"Гражданка Циперович","lemma":"гражданка циперович","label":"PER","start_pos":63,"end_pos":82},{"ner":"Маленькую банку","lemma":"маленький банка","label":"ORG","start_pos":130,"end_pos":145},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":485,"end_pos":489}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 82 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 9 | 5 | 4 | 26 | 2 | 20 | true |
122 | null | – Зачем же вы пьёте эту воду, сюда же говносток со всей деревни выходит…
– Шпрехен зи дойч?
– А… пейте, пейте это же ключевая вода! – Зер гут, я, я! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/526?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 33 | 0 | 1,715,259,650 | 1,732,738,892 | 141 | 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| [{"ner":"Шпрехен","lemma":"шпрехен","label":"LOC","start_pos":75,"end_pos":82}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Профессор, между прочим, шпаргалка является моей собственностью, а вы ее изъяли без соблюдения соответствующей процессуально-правовой процедуры!
— Эх, молодой человек! Я же преподаватель, а не милиционер. Не могу же я, в самом деле, лупить вас по почкам, перед тем как забрать шпаргалку! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/527?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 28 | 0 | 1,715,594,189 | 1,732,738,892 | 124 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 42 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 6 | 0 | 11 | 0 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Разговор двух подруг:
- Сегодня прошла тест на беременность
- Ого! И какой вопрос был самым сложным?
- Ты еб@нутя?
- И что ты ответила? | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/528?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 19 | 0 | 1,716,490,647 | 1,732,738,892 | 124 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | — На что жалуетесь?
— У меня член как бешеный конь.
— Оу, и что же в этом плохого?
— Он не стоит ни секунды | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/547?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 289 | 0 | 1,711,002,092 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Оу","lemma":"оу","label":"PER","start_pos":54,"end_pos":56}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Как называется наука о продаже говна мелкими партиями?
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Микроэкономикал | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/548?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 308 | 0 | 1,711,052,980 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Какое любимое упражнение бесконечного числа физиков?
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Постоянная планка | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/549?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 272 | 0 | 1,711,645,744 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Генерал вбегает в казарму:
- Сынки, у меня жена тройню родила!
Солдаты:
- Рады стараться, товарищ генерал!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6113?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,438,802 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 0.972973 | 0.027027 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 13 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | - Светка, у меня муж на квартиру копит.
- Много накопил?
- Ага, скоро шубу куплю.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6114?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,442,402 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 0.970588 | 0.029412 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 3 | 6 | true |
122 | null | - Я вот думаю, чего бы из дома такого на море взять, чтобы все меня увидели и сразу офигели?
- Лыжи возьми...
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6115?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 8 | 0 | 1,732,446,003 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 0.973684 | 0.026316 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 0 | 8 | 1 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Молодой человек говорит отцу своей подружки:
- Конечно, я понимаю, что это только формальность, но не будете ли вы возражать, если я попрошу руки вашей дочери?
- Кто это сказал, что это - "только формальность"?! - в гневе отвечает тот.
- Гинеколог!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
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истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6116?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 8 | 0 | 1,732,449,602 | 1,732,738,893 | 141 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 49 | 0 | 0 | 0.985507 | 0.014493 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 14 | 3 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Захотел мужик пожрать. Видит, рядом ресторан. Заходит, видит — стены в веснушках. Раздевается, смотрит — гардероб и гардеробщик в веснушках. Проходит в зал — столы, стулья, потолок, занавески — все в веснушках! Садится за стол, к нему подходит официант в веснушках и приносит суп (тоже в веснушках). Мужик поел, расплатился, и спрашивает официанта:
— Что это за ресторан у вас такой — весь в веснушках?
— Да это вчера говно в вентилятор попало.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/395?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 305 | 0 | 1,710,345,772 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 76 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 15 | 6 | 0 | 25 | 4 | 28 | true |
122 | null | Студенты: — А что вы обычно говорите своим выпускникам, когда встречаете их? Преподаватель: — Картошку фри и большую колу пожалуйста.
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Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/396?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 299 | 0 | 1,710,356,523 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Петька как-то раз отправился на курсы экономистов. Вот, приезжает обратно в часть и говорит Василь Иванычу:
- Василь Иванович, хочешь невидимую руку рынка покажу?
- Давай!
- Подойди ко мне задом.
- Хорошо, Петька!
- Вот, Василь Иванович, палец в заднице чувствуешь?
- Чувствую, Петька!
- А руки-то вот они
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/397?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 303 | 0 | 1,710,401,814 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Василь Иванычу","lemma":"василь иванычу","label":"PER","start_pos":92,"end_pos":106},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":206,"end_pos":212},{"ner":"Василь Иванович","lemma":"василь иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":221,"end_pos":236},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"LOC","start_pos":278,"end_pos":284}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 53 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 0 | 19 | 6 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Новый церковный служащий украдкой пробрался к священнику, в то время как тот читает проповедь, и прошептал:
- Отец, там на хорах... играют в покер.
- Знаю, - прошептал пастор, - но сначала я должен закончить здесь.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/398?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 309 | 0 | 1,710,410,470 | 1,732,738,893 | 141 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 39 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 11 | 4 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Студентов-медиков ведут по психбольнице. У палаты с тихим и грустным пациентом объясняют:
- Этот бедняга спятил, когда его невеста вышла замуж за другого.
Далее, возле двери, обитой железом:
- А кто здесь сидит?
- Это Галя. Она работала в ночную смену в продуктовом 31 декабря 1999 года. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/949?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 142 | 0 | 1,704,628,821 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Галя","lemma":"галя","label":"PER","start_pos":218,"end_pos":222},{"ner":"31 декабря","lemma":"31 декабря","label":"DATE","start_pos":266,"end_pos":276},{"ner":"1999","lemma":"1999","label":"NUM","start_pos":277,"end_pos":281}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 0 | 13 | 3 | 12 | true |
122 | null | 1 января на Украине.
- здравствуйте, а у вас хлеб свежий?
- Ні.
- Hi, a y vas xleb sveji? | https://t.me/anegdotofff/950?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 144 | 0 | 1,704,633,303 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Украине","lemma":"украина","label":"LOC","start_pos":12,"end_pos":19},{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":0,"end_pos":1}] | NEUTRAL | other | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 0 | 0.793103 | 0.206897 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Заходит физик в лабораторию 31 декабря, и спрашивает:
- У вас тахионы свежие?
- Новогодние. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/951?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 142 | 0 | 1,704,637,809 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"31 декабря","lemma":"31 декабря","label":"DATE","start_pos":28,"end_pos":38}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 15 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Внук спрашивает у бабушки:
— А зачем комары сосут кровь у человека?
— Комары берут кровь на анализ и несут кукушке.
😆 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4414?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,100,700 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Девочка подходит к маме и говорит:
— У меня есть две новости, хорошая и плохая
С какой начать?
— Давай с хорошей!
— Я больше так не буду.
😁 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4415?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,107,900 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Пожилой Кавказец приходит в магазин и обращается к продавцу:
- Продай мне два костюма.
- Дед, зачем тебе два? Тебе уже восемьдесят лет. Возьми один, до конца жизни хватит.
- Один себе беру, другой для папы.
- Слушай, если тебе 80, то папе, наверное, лет 100-105!?
- Да, ты прав, просто на дедушкиной свадьбе хотим нарядными быть.
- Если отцу 105, то деду, наверное, лет 130!? Он что, жениться хочет?
- Он-то не хочет, родители заставляют!
👌 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4416?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,110,235 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Кавказец","lemma":"кавказец","label":"PER","start_pos":8,"end_pos":16},{"ner":"00-10","lemma":"00-10","label":"DATE","start_pos":255,"end_pos":260},{"ner":"80","lemma":"80","label":"NUM","start_pos":227,"end_pos":229},{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":254,"end_pos":257},{"ner":"105","lemma":"105","label":"NUM","start_pos":258,"end_pos":261},{"ner":"105","lemma":"105","label":"NUM","start_pos":342,"end_pos":345},{"ner":"130","lemma":"130","label":"NUM","start_pos":370,"end_pos":373}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 77 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 16 | 10 | 10 | 17 | 5 | 29 | true |
122 | null | — Алло, Ванечка, сынок, ты кушал?
— Мама, вообще-то, я женат…
— Я поэтому и спрашиваю.
👌 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4417?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,115,100 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Алло","lemma":"алло","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Ванечка","lemma":"ванечка","label":"PER","start_pos":8,"end_pos":15}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Пошли две женщины на ипподром. Стали думать, на какую лошадь поставить. Одна и спрашивает:
— У тебя какой номер лифчика?
— Ну третий.
— А у меня четвертый. Три плюс четыре — семь. Поставили на лошадь номер 7. Она и победила. Вернулись похвастались подругам-феминисткам, а те назавтра тоже на скачки двинули:
— Ты сколько гендеров знаешь?
— Тридцать два!
— А я сорок три!
Поставили на лошадь номер 75, но первой пришла лошадь номер 4. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1203?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,500 | 0 | 1,685,883,015 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":206,"end_pos":207},{"ner":"75","lemma":"75","label":"NUM","start_pos":397,"end_pos":399},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":431,"end_pos":432}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 75 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 13 | 5 | 12 | 17 | 1 | 24 | true |
122 | null | Коллектив на корабле был мужской, суровый, поэтому свадьбы бывали редко | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1204?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,500 | 0 | 1,685,951,113 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 10 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 2 | true |
122 | null | — Василь Иваныч, лошади лысые рождаются! — Сколько раз я говорил тебе, Петька - не подпускай Котовского к лошадям. — Василь Иваныч, свиньи с усами рождаются! — А вот это, Петька, не твое дело. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1205?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,600 | 0 | 1,685,952,201 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Василь Иваныч","lemma":"василь иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":15},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":71,"end_pos":77},{"ner":"Котовского","lemma":"котовского","label":"PER","start_pos":93,"end_pos":103},{"ner":"Василь Иваныч","lemma":"василь иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":117,"end_pos":130},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":171,"end_pos":177}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 6 | 1 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Звонок в психушку:
— Посмотрите пожалуйста, есть кто-нибудь в восемнадцатой палате?
— Нет, никого нет, а что?
— Ага, значит мне все таки удалось сбежать! | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1206?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,500 | 0 | 1,686,862,594 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Ага","lemma":"ага","label":"PER","start_pos":112,"end_pos":115}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Идут два еврея по джунглям. Вдруг откуда не возьмись, лев. Евреи разбежались кто куда, а лев стал преследовать одного из них, вдруг неожиданно подскользнулся, вылетел в пропасть и разбился. Теперь встречаются евреи и один другому говорит:
— Слушай, ты такой смелый! Льва поборол. Я б на твоем месте обосрался.
— А ты думаешь на чем лев подскользнулся?!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/307?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 318 | 0 | 1,710,342,167 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":365,"end_pos":373}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 61 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 14 | 6 | 3 | 11 | 6 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Разговаривают два психиатра.
Один из них говорит:
— Я сейчас занимаюсь исключительно интересным случаем раздвоения личности.
— Да? И что же это за интересный случай?
— Дело в том, что мне удалось каждого из них уговорить платить мне за лечение.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/308?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 306 | 0 | 1,710,399,674 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":257,"end_pos":265}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 44 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Спорят американец, немец и русский, чья нация быстрее строит.
Американец:
— Мы начнем строить мост 1 января и 31 декабря по нему поедет первая машина.
Немец:
— А мы начнем строить больничный комплекс 1 января и 31 января уже сможем принимать первых больных.
Русский:
— Ерунда! Вот мы в понедельник в 9 утра начнем строить пивзавод и в 10 все уже пьяные.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/309?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 279 | 0 | 1,710,417,760 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":366,"end_pos":374},{"ner":"31 декабря","lemma":"31 декабря","label":"DATE","start_pos":110,"end_pos":120},{"ner":"31 января","lemma":"31 января","label":"DATE","start_pos":211,"end_pos":220},{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":99,"end_pos":100},{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":200,"end_pos":201},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":300,"end_pos":301},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":335,"end_pos":337}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 66 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 12 | 4 | 2 | 17 | 3 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Смеркалось. Поручик Ржевский, будучи с оказией в доме Ростовых, всё же уговорил Наталью заняться любовью в березовой рощице, обступающей графский пруд.
Наташа недолго ломалась и дала таки согласие, но только исключительно в классической позе, и вот, в самый ответственный момент, когда они были почти на вершине блаженства, с березы на них свалился заснувший бурундук.
Ржевский от неожиданности пёрнул, у Натальи, естественно, от стресса сжалась вагина.
Поручик, чуть не родивший от боли, никак не может вытащить свой член и они начинают ползти к конюшням, но путь тернист и коварен, кругом коряги, бурелом и муравейники, а ночь надвигается, и вот, совершенно выбившись из сил, Ржевский устало говорит:
- Натали, душа моя, ведь я же говорил: давайте раком... Сейчас бы как ебан@ли галопом!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/310?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 324 | 0 | 1,710,428,496 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Ржевский","lemma":"ржевский","label":"PER","start_pos":20,"end_pos":28},{"ner":"Ростовых","lemma":"ростовых","label":"PER","start_pos":54,"end_pos":62},{"ner":"Наталью","lemma":"наталью","label":"PER","start_pos":80,"end_pos":87},{"ner":"Наташа","lemma":"наташа","label":"PER","start_pos":152,"end_pos":158},{"ner":"Натальи","lemma":"наталья","label":"PER","start_pos":406,"end_pos":413},{"ner":"Ржевский","lemma":"ржевский","label":"PER","start_pos":679,"end_pos":687},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":803,"end_pos":811}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 124 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 22 | 4 | 0 | 33 | 8 | 31 | true |
122 | null | Потерпевший после автокатастрофы очнулся в больнице. — Где это я… В больнице? — Да, большей частью! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/16?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,559,660 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 16 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Допрашивают чукчу через переводчика:
- Чукча, где ты спрятал золото?
Переводчик:
- Чукча, где ты спрятал золото?
Чукча:
- Не скажу!!
Переводчик:
- Он не скажет.
- Если ты не скажешь, где золото, мы тебя убьем!
Переводчик:
- Чукча, они тебя убьют, если ты им не скажешь, где золото.
Чукча:
- Золото зарыто у входа в юрту.
Переводчик:
- Стреляйте, все равно не скажу! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/17?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,559,824 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 64 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 13 | 10 | 0 | 21 | 6 | 26 | true |
122 | null | Гитлер принимает в своем кабинете Муссолини. Вдруг дверь рас-
пахивается, входит Штирлиц, ни на кого не обращая внимания, под-
ходит к сейфу, открывает его своим ключом и начинает рыться в
нем, выбрасывая ненужные документы на пол.
- Кто это? - удивленно спрашивает дуче.
- Русский разведчик Исаев, - безразличным тоном отвечает фю-
рер, - У нас Штирлицем числится.
- Так почему же ты его не арестуешь?
- А, все равно отвертится. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/18?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 23 | 0 | 1,690,631,012 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Гитлер","lemma":"гитлер","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Муссолини","lemma":"муссолини","label":"PER","start_pos":34,"end_pos":43},{"ner":"Штирлиц","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":81,"end_pos":88},{"ner":"Исаев","lemma":"исаев","label":"PER","start_pos":297,"end_pos":302},{"ner":"фю-\nрер","lemma":"фю-\nрер","label":"PER","start_pos":336,"end_pos":343},{"ner":"Штирлицем","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":353,"end_pos":362}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 71 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 14 | 9 | 0 | 11 | 6 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Встречаются два мужика.
— Вась! Хочешь водки?
— Ты знаешь, я всегда не против. Но вчера я так напился, так напился, что сегодня ну совсем водки не хочу!
— Может, тебе сигарету дать?
— Я вообще-то много курю, но вчера столько выкурил, что сегодня ну совсем курить не хочу!
— А хочешь, я тебя в ж@пу тр@хну?
— Ты что, с ума сошел? Не хочу, конечно:
— Да, насыщенный у тебя вчера был денек:. | https://t.me/anekdronti/290?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 110 | 0 | 1,718,391,666 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 74 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 17 | 10 | 1 | 7 | 17 | 29 | true |
122 | null | — Женщина, дорогая, имейте совесть, сколько можно?!
— Так ты же перед этим кричал, что ты маньяк! | https://t.me/anekdronti/291?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 96 | 0 | 1,718,434,866 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Приходит мужик отставной военный, в медицинский институт, экзамены сдавать. А в комиссии сидят профессор и баба такая, стервозная с виду. Тянет он билет и сразу говорит:
- Я готов отвечать!
Профессор:
- Как, прямо сразу???
Мужик:
- Так точно!!
Профессор:
- Зачитайте билет, пожалуйста.
Мужик:
- Какого ухода требуют женские половые органы?
Профессор:
- Отвечайте
Мужик:
- Женские половые органы, как и оружие советской армии, требует тщательного ухода и постоянной смазки!
Профессор:
- О, какой краткий и лаконичный ответ, я ставлю вам зачёт!
Баба:
- Погодите, Геннадий Сергеевич, у меня дополнительный вопрос к молодому человеку.
Мужик:
- Да, я готов!
Баба:
- А скажите, для чего служит утолщение на конце мужского полового органа?
Мужик:
- А утолщение на конце мужского полового органа, так же, как и на лопате "БСЛ-110" нужно для того, чтобы рука не слетала!! | https://t.me/anekdronti/292?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 110 | 0 | 1,718,445,666 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"медицинский институт","lemma":"медицинский институт","label":"ORG","start_pos":36,"end_pos":56},{"ner":"Мужик","lemma":"мужик","label":"ORG","start_pos":223,"end_pos":228},{"ner":"Геннадий Сергеевич","lemma":"геннадий сергеевич","label":"PER","start_pos":561,"end_pos":579},{"ner":"110","lemma":"110","label":"NUM","start_pos":818,"end_pos":821}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 136 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 23 | 17 | 10 | 0 | 36 | 10 | 49 | true |
122 | null | Москва, гастроли какого-то авангардного театра. На первом спектакле собирается весь столичный бомонд. В зале гаснет свет. Абсолютная темнота. На сцену со свечкой в руках выходит голый мужик. Озираясь по сторонам, выходит в центр сцены, садится и начинает дрочить...
Гробовая тишина - 5 мин., 10 мин.,... Вдруг крик из зала:
- Да что же это за безобразие!
Мужик, судорожно задувая свечу:
- Кто здесь?! | https://t.me/anekdronti/293?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 115 | 0 | 1,718,452,866 | 1,732,738,893 | 141 | 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| [{"ner":"Москва","lemma":"москва","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":284,"end_pos":285},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":292,"end_pos":294}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 63 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 9 | 3 | 2 | 23 | 2 | 22 | true |
122 | null | Мужчина играет в гольф. Рядом в гольф играет женщина. Она бьет по мячу, тот срезается и попадает в мужчину. Мужчина с криком хватается за свое причинное место. Женщина подбегает к мужчине, извиняется и со словами:
— Могу ли я чем-то Вам помочь? — расстегивает его брюки и начинает манипулировать с его органом. Минут через пять женщина отрывается от мужского чл#на и спрашивает:
— Вам стало легче?
— О, да, это великолепно! — говорит он, тряся рукой
— Но мезинец, по которому Вы попали все равно чертовски болит!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1030?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 826 | 0 | 1,706,994,008 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 88 | 0 | 1 | 0.991071 | 0.008929 | 0 | 5 | 20 | 11 | 1 | 19 | 3 | 23 | true |
122 | null | Однa очeнь c#кcи тeлка решила разбогатеть. Причем быстро. Нашла богатого 73-ехлетнего старичка и разработала план — как за#б#ть его до смерти в первую брачную ночь. Свадьба, несмотря на их почти полувековую разницу в возрасте, прошла без проблем. И вот телка раздетая лежит в кровати и ждет eго пpиходa. Пoявляетcя cтаричок совершенно голый. На 20-ти сантиметрoвoм оргaнe мощный резиновый пр#зерватив, в ушах и в носу — затычки. Чувствуя, что что-то не так, телка с тревогой спрашивает:
— А зачем тебе все это?
— Есть две вещи, которые я не могу переносить, — отвечает старикашка, — вoпли жeнщины и запах горeлoй peзины...
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1031?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 833 | 0 | 1,707,022,803 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Однa","lemma":"однa","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4},{"ner":"73","lemma":"73","label":"NUM","start_pos":73,"end_pos":75},{"ner":"20","lemma":"20","label":"NUM","start_pos":345,"end_pos":347}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 101 | 0 | 2 | 0.991936 | 0.008065 | 0 | 9 | 16 | 8 | 2 | 24 | 7 | 24 | true |
122 | null | Два мужика едут с работы домой на машине. На дорогах пробки, трафик еле ползет, и мужики скучают. Водила осматривается вокруг и вдруг замечает, что на газоне перед домом тр#хаются собаки. Он говорит пассажиру:
— Смотри, видишь, чем собаки занимаются? Дерутся они что ли, не пойму.
Пассажир:
— Да ты че, они тр#хаются. Только не говори, что ты никогда в позе раком c#кcом не занимался!
— Никогда (краснея).
— Ну тогда ты должен попробовать, это классно! Короче сделай так. Сегодня, как приедешь домой, сделай жене « Маргариту» и предложи попробовать новую cекc-позу.
Водитель подумал, и решил — почему бы и не попробовать!
На следующее утро мужики встречаются снова. Пассажир, подмигивая:
— Ну как вчера все прошло?
Водитель:
— Да все было ништяк, только одна заморока мне пришлось жене 6 Маргарит сделать, пока она согласилась на газон перед домом выйти.
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1032?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 919 | 0 | 1,707,051,602 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"c#кcом","lemma":"c#кcом","label":"ORG","start_pos":364,"end_pos":370},{"ner":"Маргариту","lemma":"маргарит","label":"ORG","start_pos":515,"end_pos":524},{"ner":"6","lemma":"6","label":"NUM","start_pos":786,"end_pos":787}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 139 | 0 | 0 | 0.994709 | 0.005291 | 0 | 4 | 32 | 13 | 3 | 29 | 13 | 45 | true |
122 | null | На развалинах дома не строят а на кладбищах надежд тем более.
#цитата_дня
@vingurskiy_nikita
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🗣️ | https://t.me/bunnybayki/3095?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/bunnybayki | 67 | 0 | 1,732,080,828 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 0.965517 | 0.034483 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Муж говорит жене:
— Ну, не знаю, давай подарим твоей маме столько денег, сколько ей исполнилось лет.
— Ого! Что, прям 50 тысяч подарим?!
— А ей что, 50 тысяч лет исполнилось? | https://t.me/dimonster69/168?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 16 | 0 | 1,712,861,317 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"твоей маме","lemma":"твой мама","label":"PER","start_pos":47,"end_pos":57},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":118,"end_pos":120},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":149,"end_pos":151}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 3 | 8 | 1 | 14 | true |
122 | null | — Поручик, скажите а правда, что Вы стрелялись из—за Наташи?
— Абсолютная правда, а вот корнет
— трус, стрелялся из за дерева. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/842?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 95 | 0 | 1,713,955,175 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Наташи","lemma":"наташи","label":"PER","start_pos":53,"end_pos":59}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 10 | true |
122 | null | У Ржевского день рожденья. Наташа Ростова сообщает ему, что у нее есть для него подарок. Раздевается догола, и у нее остается лишь бантик на самом пикантном месте. Поручик Ржевский, закатывая рукав:
— Ну и глубоко он там? | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/843?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 96 | 0 | 1,713,955,175 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Ржевского","lemma":"ржевский","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":11},{"ner":"Наташа Ростова","lemma":"наташа ростов","label":"PER","start_pos":27,"end_pos":41},{"ner":"Ржевский","lemma":"ржевский","label":"PER","start_pos":172,"end_pos":180}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 3 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Жена отправляет мужа в аптеку купить презервативы и говорит: — Кстати, заодно купи мне две пипетки. Муж возвращается в бешенстве:
— Я больше никогда не пойду в аптеку!!!
— Почему? — недоумевает жена.
— Я у продавщицы спрашиваю два презерватива.
Она говорит: -Презервативы кончились. Я говорю:
— Тогда дайте мне две пипетки. Если бы ты только слышала, как она ржала!!! | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/844?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 114 | 0 | 1,713,955,175 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 60 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 14 | 8 | 3 | 12 | 7 | 25 | true |
122 | null | Прихожу в аптеку. Очередь, жара, тишина. Стою. Аптекарь спрашивает:
— Вам чего?
— Мне тест на беременность.
— А какой?
— Отрицательный, если можно. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/119?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 25 | 0 | 1,667,030,109 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Вовочка на уроке литературы стоит у доски и бубнит себе под нос. Учительница:
— Вовочка, читать надо с выражением!
Вовочка в шоке:
— Марья Ивановна, какие выражения, это же Пушкин! | https://t.me/likeandsmile/120?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 25 | 0 | 1,667,042,114 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Марья Ивановна","lemma":"марья иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":133,"end_pos":147},{"ner":"Пушкин","lemma":"пушкин","label":"PER","start_pos":173,"end_pos":179}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 10 | 1 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Висят две летучие мыши внизголовой. Одна спрашивает другую : - Какой день был самым ужасным в твоей жизни? - Когда у меня начался понос. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/121?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 24 | 0 | 1,667,399,957 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Прыгают с 10-этажем программист, физик и математик в маленький бассейн. Первый пошёл программист. Подумал написал программу, рассчитал, прыгнул - попал. Следующий был физик. Он вспомнил все законы, рассчитал, прыгнул - попал. Следующий математик. Вспомнил, посчитал, ещё раз вспомнил ещё посчитал, прыгнул- полетел наверх. Знаком ошибся | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/142?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 335 | 0 | 1,710,233,976 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":10,"end_pos":12}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 17 | 1 | 0 | 12 | 5 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Приезжает чел в ресторан, заказывает большую порцию пельменей, съедает все, кроме одного. Платит и уходит.
На следующий день приезжает в тот же ресторан, заказывает пельмени, съедает все кроме одного, платит и уходит. Официант заметил, но промолчал.
так продолжается ещё несколько дней. В конце концов официант не выдерживает.
Подходит и спрашивает:
-мужчина, а вы мотоциклист?
-Да, а как вы узнали?
-Так вы на мотоцикле приехали. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/143?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 242 | 0 | 1,710,244,776 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 64 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 18 | 5 | 3 | 14 | 4 | 21 | true |
122 | null | На уроке русского языка.
Ольга Ивановна: Ваня, расскажи как ты выучил падежи!
Я их выучил по папиной методике.
День был именительный
Вечер был творительный
Я ей предложный
Она мне дательный
Теперь я не винительный
Что она родительный | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/144?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 241 | 0 | 1,710,255,576 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Ольга Ивановна","lemma":"ольга иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":25,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"Ваня","lemma":"ваня","label":"PER","start_pos":41,"end_pos":45}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 3 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Совершают поручик Ржевский с Наташей Ростовой прогулку по парку. Подходят к пруду - а у противоположного берега гусары нагишом купаются. Наташа просит у поручика бинокль, смотрит в него не стой стороны и смеется:
- Ой, какие маленькие!
Поручик смущенно отвечает:
- Так вода же холодная-с!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2268?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 41 | 0 | 1,725,013,500 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Ржевский","lemma":"ржевский","label":"LOC","start_pos":18,"end_pos":26},{"ner":"Наташей Ростовой","lemma":"наташа ростов","label":"PER","start_pos":29,"end_pos":45},{"ner":"Наташа","lemma":"наташа","label":"PER","start_pos":137,"end_pos":143}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 46 | 0 | 0 | 0.983333 | 0.016667 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 15 | 3 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Моется мужик в ванной, вдруг звонок в дверь... Идет он к двери и смотрит в глазок, а тот что за дверью смотрит в замочную скважину. Смотрели они друг на друга и тот что за дверью в скважину смотрел говорит:
- Эй, кучерявый, чего нос то повесил. Мамка придет скажи ей что сантехник
приходил...
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2269?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 37 | 0 | 1,725,027,000 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 54 | 0 | 0 | 0.984849 | 0.015152 | 0 | 2 | 11 | 7 | 0 | 14 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Олигарху привезли мебель. Первый грузчик поднимается со стулом, а дома только жена олигарха - топ модель. Грузчик стул оставляет, тут она на колени садится, штаны ему спускает и отсасывает.
Следующий грузчик поднимается с креслом, оставляет, она ему тоже отсасывает.
И так всем грузчикам отсосала. Те довольные сидят в фуре, обсуждают как охуенно она сосет. Водителю тоже захотелось, поднимается в квартиру, а жена олигарха ему пятьсот рублей протягивает.
- А отсосать?
- Какой еще отсосать пошел вон отсюдова!
- Ну так всем же отсосали.. а мне..
- Ну так мне муж перед отлетом ясно сказал "водителю пятьсот рублей заплатишь", я его спрашиваю "а грузчикам?", он мне "а грузчикам х@й сосать"
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2270?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 36 | 0 | 1,725,073,800 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"вон отсюдова","lemma":"вон отсюдова","label":"PER","start_pos":497,"end_pos":509}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 110 | 7 | 2 | 0.993103 | 0.006897 | 0 | 2 | 24 | 12 | 2 | 31 | 12 | 30 | true |
122 | null | Два одессита рассматривают статую Свободы.
— Шо не говори, а это памятник тете Соне. Только она могла выйти встречать гостей с примусом в одной руке и квитанциями за квартиру — в другой. Да еще в ночнушке и в бигудях.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6462?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 40 | 0 | 1,732,300,630 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Свободы","lemma":"свобода","label":"PER","start_pos":34,"end_pos":41},{"ner":"Соне","lemma":"соня","label":"PER","start_pos":79,"end_pos":83},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":236,"end_pos":240}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 44 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 2 | 13 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Завтракай как король, обедай как принц, ужинай как нищий.
Вроде бы всё так, но...
Завтракаю как король — этого не хочу, того не буду.
Обедаю как принц — ну, не знаю, может и поем...
Ужинаю как нищий — жру всё, что найду!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6463?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 41 | 0 | 1,732,304,231 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":239,"end_pos":243}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 12 | 5 | 0 | 8 | 2 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Позвонил сегодня в сбербанк и предложил им взять у меня кредит на их же условиях. Был послан в грубой форме.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6464?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 40 | 0 | 1,732,343,831 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"сбербанк","lemma":"сбербанк","label":"ORG","start_pos":19,"end_pos":27},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":126,"end_pos":130}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 2 | true |
122 | null | — Милый, ceкс у нас будет только после свадьбы!
— Да не вопрос! Выйдешь замуж, звони! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/522?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 28 | 0 | 1,714,201,809 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Милый","lemma":"милый","label":"LOC","start_pos":2,"end_pos":7}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 16 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Мyжик стyчится в двеpи pая. Выглядывает заспанный ангел:
— Мyжик, тебе чего?
— Как чего?! В pай попасть хочy!
— А что ты в жизни сделал хоpошего, чтобы в pай пpоситься?
—...Hy было. Идy как-то pаз и вижy: несколько хyлиганов y женщины сyмочкy забиpают. Hy я подошел к самомy здоpовомy и дал емy в моpдy.
— Hy ты мyжик молодец! Хвалю! А когда это было-то?
Мyжик смотpит на часы:
— Да минyты две назад. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/523?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 31 | 0 | 1,714,288,208 | 1,732,738,893 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Мyжик","lemma":"мyжик","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":5},{"ner":"pай","lemma":"pай","label":"ORG","start_pos":92,"end_pos":95}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 74 | 0 | 3 | 0.961905 | 0.038095 | 0 | 2 | 8 | 8 | 2 | 16 | 5 | 25 | true |
122 | null | - Деда Фима, а правда, что ты в начале войны целую дюжину немецких танков на пути к Москве остановил голыми руками?
- Ну, Моня... Как сказать - остановил... Не дозаправил... | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/524?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 24 | 0 | 1,715,234,410 | 1,732,738,893 | 142 | 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| [{"ner":"Москве","lemma":"москва","label":"LOC","start_pos":84,"end_pos":90},{"ner":"Моня","lemma":"моня","label":"PER","start_pos":122,"end_pos":126}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 9 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Пришли немцы в деревню. Никого нет. Смотрят, старик сидит на лавочке.
— Здорово, дед.
— Здорово.
— Как тебя, дед, зовут?
— Иван.
— На, Иван, пряник. Покажешь, где партизаны прячутся?
— Покажу, чего не показать.
— А как у тебя, Иван, фамилия?
— Сусанин.
— Отдай пряник. Сами найдем. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/525?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 31 | 0 | 1,715,245,329 | 1,732,738,893 | 141 | 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| [{"ner":"Здорово","lemma":"здорово","label":"LOC","start_pos":72,"end_pos":79},{"ner":"Здорово","lemma":"здорово","label":"LOC","start_pos":88,"end_pos":95},{"ner":"Иван","lemma":"иван","label":"PER","start_pos":123,"end_pos":127},{"ner":"Иван","lemma":"иван","label":"PER","start_pos":135,"end_pos":139},{"ner":"Иван","lemma":"иван","label":"PER","start_pos":227,"end_pos":231},{"ner":"Сусанин","lemma":"сусанин","label":"PER","start_pos":244,"end_pos":251}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 50 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 33 | true |
122 | null | – Выйдешь за меня?
– Конечно, дорогой! Я так долго ждала этого!
– Тогда завтра к 8:00. Спецовка у Михалыча в каптерке. | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/544?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 252 | 0 | 1,710,747,930 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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122 | null | Пришел на работу с нарисованными усами
Девушки с нарисованными бровями сказали что я дурак | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/545?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 265 | 0 | 1,710,838,246 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 14 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Приходит заика в продуктовый магазин в США и говорит:
— Дд-д-дайте ммне п-п-пожалуйста м-м-м-м...
Продавец пытается угадать желание покупателя:
— Milk?
— Н-нет, дайте мне м-м-м-м...
— macaroni?
— НЕТ! Дайте м-мнне м-м-м-м....
— mayonnaise
— М-м-м-мозги не е@и, дай манки! | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/546?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 290 | 0 | 1,710,858,190 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"США","lemma":"сша","label":"LOC","start_pos":39,"end_pos":42}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 41 | 0 | 4 | 0.96875 | 0.03125 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 17 | 5 | 18 | true |
122 | null | Разговаривают два алкаша:
- Представляешь, я раз аж 6 лет не пил.
- Да ну, и как? Что потом?
- А потом я пошел в школу.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6109?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 8 | 0 | 1,732,388,407 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"6","lemma":"6","label":"NUM","start_pos":52,"end_pos":53}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 1 | 0.978723 | 0.021277 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 8 | 3 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Судья спрашивает обвиняемого:
- Вы признаете, что ударили потерпевшего кирпичом по голове?
- Признаю. Но кривые ноги у него были еще до этого.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6110?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 8 | 0 | 1,732,428,003 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 0.97561 | 0.02439 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 10 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Одна подруга говорит другой:
- Ты знаешь, по-моему, Вася вчера сделал мне предложение. Он сказал: "Пора заканчивать с нашей дружбой".
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6111?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 8 | 0 | 1,732,431,602 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Вася","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":52,"end_pos":56}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 27 | 0 | 0 | 0.97619 | 0.02381 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 1 | 7 | 4 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Вновь прибывший военноначальник заявляет:
- До того, как попасть в вашу часть, я работал в штабе. А там, знаете ли, дураков не держат!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6112?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 7 | 0 | 1,732,435,207 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 1 | 1 | 0.97619 | 0.02381 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Врач-психоаналитик пациенту:
— После вашего обследования у меня для вас две новости — хорошая и плохая. Плохая — вне всякого сомнения, вы скрытый гомосексуалист.
Пациент:
— Какая же может быть хорошая?!
Врач подсаживается ближе:
— Вы симпатичный!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/392?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 289 | 0 | 1,710,313,587 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 40 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 1 | 11 | 2 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Участковый беседует с дедом, злостным самогонщиком.
- Никитич, прекрати гнать!
- Гнал, гоню и гнать буду.
- Посадим к чертовой матери!
- Сын гнать будет.
- И его посадим!
- Внук будет.
- И внука!
- Ну а тогда я уже выйду!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/393?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 295 | 0 | 1,710,324,145 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 2 | 0 | 17 | 3 | 14 | true |
122 | null | В кабинет директора банка входит уборщица.
- Дайте мне ключ от хранилища, - говорит она.
- Вы с ума сошли! Только я и мой заместитель имеем право открывать эту дверь.
- А мне уже надоело каждое утро ковырять заколкой, чтобы открыть дверь и навести там порядок.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/394?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 297 | 0 | 1,710,334,948 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 49 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 5 | 0 | 17 | 3 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Знаете, почему есть сигареты Пётр I, но нет сигарет Николай II?
Их расстреляли | https://t.me/anegdotofff/945?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 148 | 0 | 1,704,538,820 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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122 | null | Как называют врача, который тащится от мужских ног?
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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 9 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 3 | true |
122 | null | - Твои родители случайно не Бургер Кинг?
- Нет
- Тогда почему ты такое говно? | https://t.me/anegdotofff/947?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 143 | 0 | 1,704,619,810 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Бургер Кинг","lemma":"бургер кинг","label":"PER","start_pos":28,"end_pos":39}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 15 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 3 | true |
122 | null | Идут сиамские близнецы. Один в кепке, другой тоже пидор, но не в кепке | https://t.me/anegdotofff/948?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 141 | 0 | 1,704,624,305 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 13 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 3 | true |
122 | null | Нашел мужик в море бутылку. Ну, думает, там джин сидит, надо потереть!
Трет час, трет два, трет три часа...
Уже вконец устав, слышит скучающий голос из бутылки:
— Вынь пробку, придурок!
🤣
👉
Клёвый юмор! Подпишись! | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4411?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,084,288 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"джин","lemma":"джин","label":"PER","start_pos":44,"end_pos":48},{"ner":"Вынь","lemma":"вынь","label":"PER","start_pos":163,"end_pos":167}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 36 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 0 | 2 | 14 | 3 | 16 | true |
122 | null | — Вы кто?
— Я Добрая фея!
-А почему с топором?
-Да настроение что то не очень…
🤪 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4412?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,086,300 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Случайно в руки попался телефон супруги. Полюбопытствовал в телефонной книге. Смотрю: "Любимый".
Позвонил, ответил сонный мужской голос. Спрашиваю:
— Вы кто?
— Аристарх Израилевич Любимый.
Дамский парикмахер Задолбали уже!
😅 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4413?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,093,500 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Аристарх Израилевич Любимый","lemma":"аристарх израилевич любимый","label":"PER","start_pos":160,"end_pos":187},{"ner":"Задолбали","lemma":"задолбали","label":"PER","start_pos":208,"end_pos":217}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 14 | true |
122 | null | #классика
Купается мужик. Вдруг хватает его кто-то за яйца и голос спрашивает:
- Плюс два или минус два?
Мужик говорит:
- Плюс два.
Вылезает на берег, а у него четыре яйца. Думает мужик: сейчас вернусь,
скажу «Минус два» и все опять будет хорошо. Полез он обратно в воду, доплыл
до того места, там его опять хватают за яйца и спрашивают:
- Плюс четыре или минус четыре? | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1199?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,100 | 0 | 1,685,882,961 | 1,732,738,894 | 172 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 66 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 8 | 7 | 17 | 6 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Купается мужик. Вдруг хватает его кто-то за яйца и голос спрашивает:
- Плюс два или минус два?
Мужик говорит:
- Плюс два.
Вылезает на берег, а у него четыре яйца. Думает мужик: сейчас вернусь, скажу «Минус два» и все опять будет хорошо. Полез он обратно в воду, доплыл до того места, там его опять хватают за яйца и спрашивают:
- Плюс четыре или минус четыре?
Потом +8 или -8, +16 или -16, +32 или -32, +64 или -64. Вылез мужик, а яиц 128, поплыл опять, его хвать за яйца:
- Плюс 128 или минус 128?
- Плюс конечно.
Вылез, а яиц 0, потому что мужик восьмибитный. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1200?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,100 | 0 | 1,685,882,974 | 1,732,738,894 | 172 | 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| [{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":367,"end_pos":368},{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":374,"end_pos":375},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":378,"end_pos":380},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":386,"end_pos":388},{"ner":"32","lemma":"32","label":"NUM","start_pos":391,"end_pos":393},{"ner":"32","lemma":"32","label":"NUM","start_pos":399,"end_pos":401},{"ner":"64","lemma":"64","label":"NUM","start_pos":404,"end_pos":406},{"ner":"64","lemma":"64","label":"NUM","start_pos":412,"end_pos":414},{"ner":"128","lemma":"128","label":"NUM","start_pos":435,"end_pos":438},{"ner":"128","lemma":"128","label":"NUM","start_pos":480,"end_pos":483},{"ner":"128","lemma":"128","label":"NUM","start_pos":494,"end_pos":497},{"ner":"0","lemma":"0","label":"NUM","start_pos":528,"end_pos":529}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 106 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 15 | 9 | 16 | 23 | 11 | 36 | true |
122 | null | Купается фрезеровщик в море. Вдруг слышит голос из под воды:
- Плюс два или минус два?
Фрезеровщик говорит:
- Плюс два.
Выходит на берег, а у него 4 пальца на левой руке | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1201?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,200 | 0 | 1,685,882,990 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":147,"end_pos":148}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 12 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Купается Александр III. Вдруг хватает его кто-то за яйца и голос спрашивает:
- Плюс два или минус два?
Александр III говорит:
- Минус два.
Вылезает на берег, а он Александр I. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1202?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 1,300 | 0 | 1,685,883,000 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Александр III","lemma":"александр iii","label":"PER","start_pos":9,"end_pos":22},{"ner":"Александр III","lemma":"александр iii","label":"PER","start_pos":103,"end_pos":116},{"ner":"Александр I.","lemma":"александр i.","label":"PER","start_pos":163,"end_pos":175}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 0 | 3 | 0.930233 | 0.069767 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 7 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Она:
— Доктор, поцелуйте меня!
Доктор:
— Я не могу. У нас, докторов, существует своя
медицинская этика, которая не позволяет целовать
пациентов. А вообще-то, мне и трахать вас не следовало.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/304?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 328 | 0 | 1,710,255,787 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":202,"end_pos":210}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 3 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Дорогой, мне кажется, в карбюратор вода попала...
— Ой, какие мы умные стали... в машинах разбираемся. Ты хоть знаешь, где карбюратор находится?
В машине...
А машина где?
В озере...
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/305?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 299 | 0 | 1,710,313,311 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":200,"end_pos":208}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Генерал утром просыпается с глубокого похмелья. Не помнить, что сним было вчера. Рядом стоит адъютант и гладит его китель. « Облевался», с ужасом подумал генерал. « Ничего, выкручусь».
— Знаешь, начал генерал, вчера приехал в полк, а тут из-за угла какой- то пьяный лейтенант на меня налетел и весь китель мне, гад, обделал. Ну, а я, как положено, 10 суток ему, паршивцу и влипил.
— Мало дали, товарищ генерал. Этот наглец вам еще и в штаны наложил
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/306?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 301 | 0 | 1,710,331,344 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":461,"end_pos":469},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":348,"end_pos":350}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 81 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 16 | 6 | 1 | 21 | 6 | 28 | true |
122 | null | Сидят две девочки на крыше… Одна добрая, другая злая и кидают камни в прохожих, злая попала 3 раза, а добрая 5… Потому что добро ВСЕГДА побеждает зло! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/12?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 23 | 0 | 1,690,557,931 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"ВСЕГДА","lemma":"всегда","label":"ORG","start_pos":129,"end_pos":135},{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":92,"end_pos":93},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":109,"end_pos":110}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 27 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | — Девочки, а Дед Мороз, оказывается, жадный! — С чего ты взяла? — А он, вместо того чтобы мне свой подарок принести, нашел куклу, которую мама в шкафу прятала, и под елочку положил! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/13?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 22 | 0 | 1,690,559,335 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Дед Мороз","lemma":"дед мороз","label":"PER","start_pos":13,"end_pos":22}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Сидят два друга алкаша.
Один у другого спрашивает:
— Ты не знаешь почему меня все называют Джином? Наверное потому что я все могу.
Второй ему отвечает:
— Нет! Просто если где нибудь открывается бутылка то сразу же появляешься ты. | https://t.me/anekdronti/285?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 110 | 0 | 1,718,305,266 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Джином","lemma":"джин","label":"PER","start_pos":91,"end_pos":97}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 39 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 8 | 6 | 2 | 3 | 6 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Играл мальчик на травке в машинку. Она сломалась. Сидит плачет. Подходит наркоман:
— Мальчик, что такое?
— Колеса потерял я.
— Пойдем, я тебе свои дам.
— Не, мама сказала на травке сидеть.
— Мне бы такую маму… | https://t.me/anekdronti/286?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 102 | 0 | 1,718,348,466 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Колеса","lemma":"колеса","label":"PER","start_pos":107,"end_pos":113}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 38 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Утром делаю зарядку: наклоняюсь и пытаюсь достать ладошками до пола.
Выходит из ванной муж и говорит:
— Ну не надо поклонов… скажи просто:
Доброе Утро, Царь! | https://t.me/anekdronti/287?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 102 | 0 | 1,718,359,266 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Доброе Утро","lemma":"добрый утро","label":"PER","start_pos":139,"end_pos":150}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | В казарме раздается телефонный звонок и проходивший мимо младший офицер поднимает трубку:
- Да!
- Скажите, сколько в вашей части джипов?
- Два, сэр, но один из них не работает, а на втором ездит эта жирная задница полковник Рассел!
- Что, такая жирная?
- Так точно, сэр, жирнее и представить трудно!
- А знаете ли вы, с кем разговариваете?
- Нет, сэр.
- Вы разговариваете с полковником Расселом!
- А знаете ли вы, с кем разговариваете?
- Нет.
- Ну тогда пока, жирная задница Рассел! | https://t.me/anekdronti/288?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 109 | 0 | 1,718,366,466 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Рассел","lemma":"рассел","label":"PER","start_pos":224,"end_pos":230},{"ner":"Расселом","lemma":"расселом","label":"PER","start_pos":386,"end_pos":394},{"ner":"Рассел","lemma":"рассел","label":"PER","start_pos":475,"end_pos":481}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 85 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 12 | 7 | 2 | 17 | 6 | 29 | true |
122 | null | Ночь, сын заходит в спальню родителей, где они занимаются любовью. Сын:
— Папа, можно я с вами поиграю?
Родители в смятении соглашаются и сын забирается отцу на спину. Через некоторое время мама начинает тихонько постанывать и извиваться. Сын тихо говорит отцу на ухо:
— Папа, поосторожнее, а то я в этом месте все время с дяди Коли сваливаюсь. | https://t.me/anekdronti/289?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 106 | 0 | 1,718,380,895 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Коли","lemma":"коли","label":"PER","start_pos":328,"end_pos":332}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 58 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 10 | 4 | 0 | 20 | 4 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Hecутся cпepматозoиды.
Один кричит:
— Я первый ее оплодотворю, я самый сильный!!!
Другой:
— Нет я, я самый быстрый!!!
Пoзaди вceх плeтeтcя cперматозoид, вecь кривой-хромой и кричит:
— Пaцаны! Нас кинули, мы в ж#пе!..
Все разочарованно разворачиваются и уходят.
Он смотрит им в след и, хмыкнув, говорит:
— Boт так poждaютcя гeнии.
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1026?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 831 | 0 | 1,706,878,804 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Один","lemma":"Один","label":"ORG","start_pos":23,"end_pos":27},{"ner":"Другой","lemma":"Другой","label":"LOC","start_pos":82,"end_pos":88},{"ner":"хмыкнув","lemma":"хмыкнув","label":"ORG","start_pos":285,"end_pos":292},{"ner":"Boт","lemma":"Boт","label":"PER","start_pos":305,"end_pos":308}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 53 | 0 | 1 | 0.977012 | 0.022989 | 0 | 7 | 12 | 10 | 1 | 6 | 2 | 26 | true |
122 | null | Пpиеxaли к 100 лeтнeму дедули журналисты брать интервью.
— Дедуля расскажи нам о себе, о самом лучшем моменте в твоей долгой жизни.
— Хм... однажды как-то потерялась в лесу жена моего знакомого. Ну мы с мужиками пошли ее искать, перед этим делом выпили по ящику водяры. Жену нашли, от имели ее. Короче круто было!
- Дед ты чего? Как мы такое написать сможем? Ладно ты лучше тогда рacскaжи нaм о caмом необычном случае из твоей жизни.
— Хм... однажды как-то потерялась в лесу корова моего друга. Ну мы с мужиками пошли ее искать, перед этим делом выпили ящик водяры. Корову нашли, отъе#ли ее по полной. Короче необычно это было.
- Ну ты дедуля даешь... Блин! Расскажи нам про самое страшное событие в вашей жизни.
— Хм... Однaжды я пoтeрялся в лecу...
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1027?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 927 | 0 | 1,706,907,603 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Пpиеxaли","lemma":"пpиеxaли","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":8},{"ner":"Хм","lemma":"хм","label":"PER","start_pos":134,"end_pos":136},{"ner":"Хм","lemma":"хм","label":"PER","start_pos":436,"end_pos":438},{"ner":"Корову","lemma":"корова","label":"PER","start_pos":566,"end_pos":572},{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":11,"end_pos":14}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 132 | 0 | 0 | 0.994048 | 0.005952 | 0 | 10 | 19 | 16 | 1 | 31 | 15 | 30 | true |
122 | null | Мужика посадили в тюрьму на 10 лет. Ну, миллиционер говорит ему:
— Говори всем, что у тебя статья 152-я, часть 2-я.
Приводят мужика в камеру. Зэки подходят, все на понтах:
— Ну чо, какая статья?
— 152-я.
Бац — зэки ему лучшую койку выделили, лучшую еду принесли.
— А часть какая?
— 2-я.
Бац — все по койкам забились, бояться. Так и прошло 10 лет. Вышел мужик, подходит к тому менту:
— Слыш, а че за статья такая, 152-я?
— А, да это изнас#лование крупного рогатого скота.
— А часть вторая?
— Со смертельным исходом.
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1028?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 825 | 0 | 1,706,936,401 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| [{"ner":"Мужика","lemma":"мужик","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Слыш","lemma":"слыш","label":"PER","start_pos":385,"end_pos":389},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":28,"end_pos":30},{"ner":"152","lemma":"152","label":"NUM","start_pos":98,"end_pos":101},{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":111,"end_pos":112},{"ner":"152","lemma":"152","label":"NUM","start_pos":197,"end_pos":200},{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":282,"end_pos":283},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":339,"end_pos":341},{"ner":"152","lemma":"152","label":"NUM","start_pos":413,"end_pos":416}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 96 | 0 | 3 | 0.992701 | 0.007299 | 0 | 11 | 12 | 6 | 2 | 24 | 1 | 39 | true |
122 | null | Taкcую. Пpиeзжаю ночью на вызов, клиент — дама лет 30-35.
После корпоратива.
Пьяненькая. Едем, радио слушаем, и тут она выдает:
— А если у меня денег нет? — типа подколола.
— Ну тогда будешь натурой расплачиваться!
— Ну хорошо!
Поулыбались, едем дальше. Доехали до места, С вас 22 гривны говорю, а она:
— А у меня правда денег нет!
— Хм... И чтo бyдeм дeлать?
— Ну не знааааю...
— Ну какие варианты?
Начинает копаться в сумочке, через полминуты:
— Нет, ну может...
— Короче: хоть какие-то деньги есть?
Дама, потупив глаза, без энтузиазма роется в сумочке, затем достает несколько купюр:
— И дeньги есть...
Пaуза.
— ... И oтс#cать xочeтся...
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1029?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 858 | 0 | 1,706,965,203 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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122 | null | Все самое интересное здесь
https://t.me/stohoplut | https://t.me/bunnybayki/3094?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/bunnybayki | 54 | 0 | 1,732,020,198 | 1,732,738,894 | 158 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | other | NOT SPAM | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0.833333 | 0.166667 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Урок биологии в грузинской школе.
- Гиви, скажы, какой животний ближэ всэх к чиловэку?
- Шимпанзе.
- Пачиму шимпанзе?
- Ну Шота Вахтангович, у нэго дажэ фамилий грузинский! | https://t.me/dimonster69/165?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 18 | 0 | 1,712,835,291 | 1,732,738,894 | 171 | 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| [{"ner":"Шота Вахтангович","lemma":"шота вахтангович","label":"PER","start_pos":123,"end_pos":139}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 14 | 0 | 9 | true |
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