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fifteen years im married to the same woman what uh see see my kids there oh yes i call her twice a day i dont go for that womens lib stuff no sir couples living in sin that sort of thing oh no oh thats no good no good at all oh its terrible yeah well come in now these people are due here any minute so um look i think wed better talk about the situation dont you you got my note of course you did otherwise you wouldnt be here uh i spoke to my lawyer he said not to panic its probably just routine have you got some coffee coffee good idea well just have coffee like any normal married couple hows the composing
didnt you get the bigjob in california i dont like them you know i prefer to be a waiter than work for people like that but youre not at the restaurant any more no i quit they said you were fired i hate that captain you know hes really a snob type these people are due here any minute and you stroll around my apartment touching my things do you realize the situation that youve put me in do you im sorry betty its bronté this is hopeless the coffee the coffee yes im about to go to jail youre gonna be deported but what about the coffee oh my god theyre here wait ill get it yeah uh may speak with mr faure please yeah this is mr fauré
this is immigration ah okay come on what are you doing better put them in my closet oh god oh we have to talk for gods sake talk about what our story how we met theyre gonna ask us questions no they just want to see us together thats all this happened to a guy at the restaurant they see us they go can you get it chérie let me do the talking no ill do the talking you dont speak much english ill just tell them ill just tell now relax were together dont panic now go oh isnt this quaint
thank you come on up this is mrs sheehan and mr gorsky hi hello hi hi please sit down mr fauré georges please now you entered the country five months ago according to our records yes and already i love it you see yes well land of opportunity such a great country aaalready i feel at home yes ah so lucky beautiful wife apartment yeah plants oh
so lucky you see uh well um your visa a b2 a tourist visa allowed you only six weeks now that in itself is an offence but more recent events have overtaken that your marriage of course gives you automatic residency status now this is your place of residence of course yes you moved here after the marriage yes mmhmm we spoke to the chairperson of the building and he said youd been away mr fauré in africa yes shooting elephants oh with a camera ah a camera oh of course and he brought me back some plants some violets african violets the violets mm
mmhmm and uh where did you live mr fauré before the marriage oh all over the place you see um in the park one night and uh where do you work pardon my husbands a composer hes working on an important composition right now based on his african research a composer we dont uh have a note of that and uh you write what uh rockn roll i write for the ballet your statement on your passport application said you had no criminal convictions is that a true and correct statement of course you speak french mrs fauré not really not exactly no barrier to love though hmm well that about does it were sorry to have troubled you theres been a major clampdown on illegal aliens marrying for residency status and a green card its come down from the top the white house
well you dont want to get the wrong type precisely we understand as a matter of curiosity how did you two meet im sure it was very romantic we you go ahead well uh no you please wejust please you we sort of crashed into each other like that goodness yes i was uh carrying a lot of parcels and parcels yes parcels and then il picked them up and aaand and anton dont forget about anton ah anton yes he was with georges and i knew him anton yes yes he also helped pick up the parcels
yes but the point is darling is that he introduced us oh thats right he did he did yes and well so and ah it was raining and uh oh yes we got soaked i took one of her parcels when i pick up mine oh you had parcels too ah uh everyone had parcels so many parcels so uh lll i picked up one of hers by mistake yes so i had uh my parcels and uh her parcel and i was uhh staggering around like this and uh uh somebody better get the telephone it couldnt be for me well it could be dear but dont worry ill get it
we dont want to have a husbandandwife fight in front of our guests youre still upstate arent you no im not glad youre still there do go on mr fauré phil i cant talk right now hmm the parcels you were up to where you had her parcels oh yes oh im excited so i found this extra parcel can i call you back i saywhat was going on i say to myself and il open it and it was um uh ladies underwears ladies underwear look um mmhmm so i called anton and he said uhit must belong to betty you mean bronté but i didnt know her name and uh so now i did so um yeah thats it
may i use your bathroom hmm the bathroom what for uh well i need to use it uh bathroom oh no please go ahead where is it what uh the lavatory could you show me where it is oh yes please follow me why am i whispering oh thats greafljust great no that used to be the bathroom before the renovations i keep forgetting this was the broom closet but we made it into the bedroom you see and this door is the bathroom let him move into my apartment i cant believe youre saying this well dont look so shocked frankly young lady
i think you have your priorities all wrong you kno you married a man you didnt know in order to get a greenhouse that shocked me all right so im oldfashioned when it comes to marriage i happen to think that falling in love has something to do with it you dont but if marrying a stranger doesnt shock you then letting him move in and spend a couple of nights sleeping on the sofa well that shouldnt shock you either oh this isnt happening they want a second interview on monday this is friday that gives you the weekend to get your stories straight two days well i dont see why he has to move in why cant hejust meet me here in the park or something because this interviews going to be indepth theyre gonna question you separately theyre gonna want to know the colour of each others toothbrush uh what does he like to eat i dont know does he snore youre gonna have to uh study each others habits its like youre cramming for an exam oh god do i have no alternative
sure you can confess everything now hell be deported you could face charges and no more greenhouse its like living in a police state no no its called breaking the law now no matter how trivial it may have seemed to you at the time thats what youve done anyway i think you should uh introduce georges to some of your friends my friends let him get to know them say hes visiting from paris or something no i c0uldnt bear that hes such a slob ill do it without anybody knowing well thats up to you but listen get that story straight oh by monday evening thisll all be over and we can start planning the divorce i cant wait for your pond thank you wait and ill show you around not that theres that much to see you do know where the bathroom is shoo shoo shoo come on do you mind not smoking inside
whats this its coffee no yes it is its decaf dont you have any real coffee im afraid not ill make you the best coffee you ever had i only drink decaf youll change when you taste this look i dont want anyone to know about this okay so we have to make up a story in case we run into any of my friends something simple youre an old friend i admire your ballet music youre visiting from paris youre staying with me for a couple of nights youre gay gay i dont want to be gay okay youre not gay yourejust an old friend and the hotels are all booked up so here you are not a very good story well you come up with a better one then well i dont know something political
terrorist maybe no not a terrorist but p0liticals good a refugee thats it thatll work no we dont say anything just a friend staying for a couple of nights this is new york youre right mmhmm okay you sleep on the couch and we split expenses ill cook hmm it doesnt smell good put it back please foryour birds what this is a birdseed no its muesli put it back ill get some croissants but i like birdseed sure no okay no you
no go ahead no please no no no go ahead choose please come on honey coming oh it is you lauren what are you doing here what am i doing here im like you know buying food well its just not your neighbourhood mothers having one of her little musical soirees i told her id pick up a few things for her when am i gonna see your new apartment youre together sort of this is an old friend georges fauré this is lauren adler hi lauren ooh that accent youre french right this is so weird everything in my life has been french lately
monday i buy ajacket its french wednesday i go see a french movie and then last night tony sayslets eat french its like carljung what do you call it a coincidence something coincidence uhhuh so nice to meet you brontes french friend uhhuh well lauren look if you want to eat french again eh im cooking for bronté uh mmhmm i adore paris id go there all the time if i could oh yes yes i know oh thanks teach me daddy teach me oh but the last time was for six months hi mrs not right now oh mr fauré
mr fauré kids meet mr fauré hes the one thats been in africa hi my kids maybe you two will be thinking about starting a family soon huh shh oh shh shh georges yes georges yes im coming hold the elevator going up hold it hold it going up wait for me they should fix those doors s0meb0dyll get killed around here what did those government people want its nothing we dont know exactly what they want whats this georges visa a minor problem
they said does mr fauré do this and that and about mrs fauré did she go to africa and so on mrs fauré georges mother she died in africa oh im sorry yes oh killed by the elephants i could just sit here and watch you all day georges some stroke of luck huh b having a french chef as a guest stop it lauren so what are you doing in new york georges i just crashed and georges is a political you go on no go on no you please a political what political um ballet i cant imagine a political ballet you know its sort of a georges writes for the ballet hes an old friend
hes not gay of course not good he just c0uldnt find a hotel and hes been in africa look we old friend yeah so i dont fuck her what did you kill somebody for this place you probably cut them up and used them for mulch this is amazing so is your french friend i want details later oh lauren please my mother would adore this oh speaking of my mother guess what she and daddy are leaving new york no what about her beautiful gardens theyre leaving anyway ive told daddy all about the green worms or whatever they are green guerillas yeah well anyway being this great old liberal he says how hed like to give you and your group all the plants no not those beautiful trees
the trees the plants everything oh thats fantastic our stocks are so low were desperate for plants uh well wait a minute theres a problem mother wont hear of it but i dont know i think if you talked to her maybe shed change her mind no bronté you didnt eat anything its not my kind of food she likes birdseed its just not healthy all that butter whats the point of life if you dont enjoy yourself do you mind youre like an old married couple so how did you two meet well you know lauren i was uh carrying a lot of parcels lauren its along story can i tell you later ive got lots ofwork i need to do cataloging plants i can take a hint no oh finish your wine its
oh a little bit more nice to have met you georges nice to meet you lauren eh i see you again hes gorgeous lauren look i i can say this now i did not like phil oh so earnest my god phil and i are still very much together oh im sorry oh im so embarrassed i mean i like phil hes very concerned about the environment and all that yes he is oh typical me putting my foot in it forget it well in that case i w0uldnt mind seeing georges again myself hes dishy gardeners are so weird bye lauren ciao why did you ask her to stay for lunch
this is my apartment this is not gonna work no it wont work if i dont know everything about you that silly story about the parcels your mother the elephants lying to my friends its all so horrible and i know youve got a cigarette so you can smoke it outside you begin the lie when you married i didnt make you lie well i didnt ask her to lunch you always blame me you did it too did what married me i did it for the green card why did you do it no one made you no one outside if you push me to be a beast i can be a beast so take care now look what youve done you silly french oaf oh lauren im so sorry about lying to you lyhg t0 me what aeyou talkfig about i mean not telling you yyyou know not having you over here before youre my oldest friend
0h please forget it b oh i havent been myselflately youre right about that things are complicated right now you know mothers having this dinner party tonight well i just spoke to her and shes invited you great chance for you to work on her about the trees you could bring georges what are you doing in here i went and uh i bought some beautiful tomatoes for you look thats sweet but and outside come on come outside and look here we have radishes peppers carrots oh no my plants just weeds i pull i pulled them out no this is my research oh im sorry i bought this for you just dont touch anything okay okay okay
and dont go in the greenhouse any more thats all i ask its my special place you like your plants better than people some people oh god truce okay i dont make the war you asked me before why i did it the marriage well it was for the greenhouse greenhouse i dont expect you to understand but thats why i did it oh i understand you want something you take it we work tonight study just like school i have to go out then ill come too no why ah your boyfriend the vegetarian no hes away so no its laurens parents place snob types youd call them
oh i will embarrass you huh no yes too much oaf no the adlers are thinking about giving some trees to a gardening group im in whats that oh its its just a gardening group we go into poor areas like the lower east side and i came from that life you waste your time what yeah nothing will change down there it will always be that way better to forget about it forget about it look the trees are very good yes sure sure but you cant eat the trees well nothing changes without hope oh you think the gardens make hope well its something the trees are very good yes but go to the country if you want trees you try telling that to the children
they live with chaos despair you may think its nothing to give them a garden to plant or trees to climb but at least its doing something if it amuses you then do it amuses me ill take the mud slide mud slide it is yeah oh richard now little fish swim better down dont be late thanks a lot grab it cab into the garden thank you i woke up maybe six weeks ago and i saidsaul this is it were leaving bronté how exquisite you look thank you for asking me at the last minute no not at all not at all its just so wonderful to see you its been so long and lauren tells us youve got a brilliant new apartment
yes is she here yet my point is its not a question of whether or not its pornographic the question is whether or not it qualifies as art i mean pornography is but you i mean your own daughter have you seen the stuff she does lafayette was on the horse and got off the horse and saluted my ancestor on both cheeks with a big kiss did he need to get off the horse now its very stupid for these environmentalists to plant trees when they dont know what theyre doing they dont listen to me needless to say of course im just your average layman but i have written the appropriate authorities oh ill go alberto thatll be lauren as an artist our daughter reserves the right to be late at last hi mother this is georges fauré from paris hi come on in georges georges is brontes house guest but she was too shy to bring him you dont mind do you mother but of course not i went to pick up bronté and found him all alone
do come in georges is a very important composer mother so you two will have lots to talk about oh no no no oh no no mother plays the piano a little get it a little alberto another place if you will everybody id like to present georges fauré a leading french composer ah oh no no good evening you see the man sitting across from you mmhmm hes very important hes on the board of trustees do you live in paris georges bronte he was all by himself i really think he wanted to come out its okay its okay simon and grace are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary aw congratulations how long have you been married
ive been married 35 years are you married georges well uh not usually whatever do you mean well uh not normally youre getting divorced yes definitely oh b youll never get married what makes you say that oh youve turned down enough offers youre gonna wind up some kind of grand old kate hepburn surrounded by lots of beautiful plants most men i know are too boring or too vulgar to spend the rest of your life with you should change your brand of men oh really really b youre nice you look for the same thing in the man and you wind up with two nices what an awful word well phils nice isnt he phils different hes a gardener are you any relation any relation to the fauré whos that the fauré
i love his chamber music and his compositions for the harp theyre so sensual we depend on donations and yeah wejust dont have any plants if you could see how these gardens change these childrens lives they just dont have i hear what youre saying and i do hope youll understand bronté but to break up that garden would be a crime see i just cant do it dear the pleasure its given me that itll give to well to whoever buys the place you do understand thank you and now georges fauré oh yeah georges no no no no i dont play well please you know im not writing oh yes please georges well uh one of your earlier pieces perhaps we should be going yes we really must go georges has jet lag oh why not georges
just one piece oh do you mind it isnt often we have a fauré in the house yes thats true please come on georges its not mozart i know would you translate for me madame would i once i heard the sound of the wind in the trees i think thats itonce i heard the sound of the laughter of childrenand i wept warm salty tears for the lost treeslet the little children come unto the trees and i will give them hope he said but there are no trees for the poor lost poor childrendecay is their toydespair is their gamethey have only chaos to climb bravo bravo beautiful i think you just got your trees no no no no ive got it
excuse me monticello face cream cream face face cream i hope its okay what the sofa oh sure thank you what for for tonight the song the poem oh that no i didnt do it for you i just did it for me oh you were mad when i came with lauren yes i was and ifyoure mad uh we dont study huh and if we dont study i dont get a green card are you composing something now composing well youre always humming that little tune me hum i dont hum
yes you do all the time ifit bothers you lllll stop no i like it oh funny its the first thing you like about me i dont dislike you georges i have no opinion of you i just want it over and my life to continue as it was before and i am waiting for my life to begin lets get to work and this uh was at my grand mothers house she had these beautiful beautiful rose gardens roses actually it was mymy grandfather who started the rose garden behind her house thats at the beach we always bought these little hats and this is kindergarten mm oh and uh these are my brothers and sisters oh my dads a writer they live in connecticut he named us all after famous writers kind of puts a curse on your whole life mm
i think he wanted me to be something artistic it was okay when i was a dancer but he doesnt really care for gardening hmm thats colette colette austen lawrence and elliot colette austen lawrence elliot this is my dad but uh theres a better picture a strong face a strong man very strong opinions in fact you and my father you c0uldnt get two people more different yeah youd hate each other why well youre so rightwing about everything im not wing you are the one with the wing all your ideas are from the same place thats not true these are from college different demonstrations what for oh everything everything this is lauren
lauren yeah and phil yes thats phil mmhmm mmhmm you are in love with him yes i am hes kind and sensitive yes he cares about what he puts in his body not like me huh this is the same as my fathers see he was a mechanic but he always dreamed of the gypsies he would like to be a gypsy travelling this one given to me by the putan you knowjoutan two girls in our town liane and michelle michelle had lovely red hair long red hair and this is how the heart is love and hate if some people say they love everything its not true you know this is how the heart is this is my honesty and this one when i was a bad boy living in the street this is a knife for revenge
when someone meant something bad to you you you make this tattoo until you find him and kill him then you you make another one here with the knife put away but you dont have that one i dont find him yet were you ever in jail yeah what for just kid stuff stealing cars nnothing serious and uh when is your menstruation my menstruation beginning of the month or the end of the month oh huh its at the its the beginning of the month i didnt really believe that you were a composer i mean we told so many lies its hard to know what the truth is you just have to trust your instinct this was my uh first boyfriend from college hmm he was a musician too he played uh the slide trombone and it was he who first kissed those lips
i dont think theyre gonna ask you that good night bronté yes what side of the bed do you sleep on the right side ill take the left side bronté come on we have uh work to doafrica sunday it is hot here in africaand very greenthe elephants have been restless againi think it must be the drumsit makes them crazy i miss you every dayand i ask the same question when are you coming chériedear georgesthe apartment is looking beautiful i only have to look in the fish pond to think of youhurry homeyou are never far from my thoughts much love b this is ridiculous
no no no for the green card i do anything give me camera huh we need blue sky mmhmm we are on honeymoon and we have to smile like oafs okay now do it yes do on the skis okay okay ill do one llll do one on the slaloms you know im very good on slalom will you remember hmm okay i need some blue sky were loadrfup our woody with our boards inside and headin out singing our song okay thats good come on baby waft and see okay thats it thatthatthats great yesi1 7gonnatakeyousu fir come along baby sufifsaflqr okay thats good
yeah im gonna take you surfin with me surfin safari letkgo suflkfnow eveybodyis learnk ho w oh lovely lovely come on and safari with me okay come on political ballet what i make the oppressed you make the victory okay victory victory victory okay okay one more oh the green yes put the plant behind you uh faites attention putputput the green plant
of course the green plant thatsthats good we feel the elephants i feel them but oh maybe with the knife like you could ah uh th uh yes this is so silly no no no no thats all right one more okay okay one more what now handyman handyman yes the good husband always does handyman things oh okay okay yes howbout these oh great
okay do some handyman things yeah stay here hello s upxke l2 is us darxhg wee 1 your lobby why didnt you call can we come up of course look um youre sure ifs all right of course come on up georges its my parents this is the worst youve gotta go theyll kill me okay ill change no no theres no time okay no time
take uh the skis put them back in the closet the skis yes the skis open this please thank you open oh im sorry im sorry its okay come on just go ill make something up could i have a chat with you and your husband mrs fauré he was just leaving mrs bird yes but i want to know about these government people and last night i heard drums jungle drums no no no no no no not now mrs bird they keep asking all sorts of questions about you and your husband hes not a spy or something is he of course not mrs bird
oh mom dad whats going on hello darling hi ill speak to you later mrs bird how about the drums later what ill talk to you later ifyoud have called i would have prepared something i made you something since you never come visit these days i guess its up to us oh no its not that your father had to see someone hokey sort of entrance oh its lovely this is georges hello a handyman oh ah if you could just finish up the work georges yeah i just finish my work oh darling its beautiful
i know now why you were so excited its awfully small did they sign the big contracts dad no were not gonna talk about that ah did they sign the contracts they backed out they lied to me dear dont upset yourself one thing i cant stand is a liar you read your paper dear were gonna look at the greenhouse hes upset oh yes oh it is too beautiful to imagine do you want a hand there georges oh no thanks im justjust measuring shes had the baby already oh whatd they name her now they have a tiffany and a tarquin thank you pretentious dear
well hes a pretentious writer too hoho well he is well dont you think so you are in a bad mood i need a screw pardon i really need a screw i thought you were leaving i just fixed the door but i need a i heard what you said in the cupboard under the sink im gonna help georges he seems a bit lost oh you have to taste this never mind your principles taste this lets get those orchids mom im sure you want to be on your way oh no dear were not in a hurry not at all youre not really a handyman are you georges no im a composer oh
i used to be a cleaner when i first started writing long longtime ago wed just got married against the wishes of my parents i might add didnt have a bean we fell in love right off oh it was difficult very difficult but yeah when youre in love you know shipboard romance is what it was excuse me oh ill get it no its okay its okay bronté come here a minute what is this thank you it was right in the middle of a lifeboat drill we suddenly found ourselves in the same boat shouldnt you be going georges now you go on outside with your mother but georges and i have everything under control go on out you go weve been talking about music and love and skiing and all manner of things havent we georges oh yeah oh yeah
sit down oh i like your georges bronté a charming man hes not my georges mother he should have left by now well hes keeping your father happy and you know how restless he gets in the city so lets be grateful height five feet seven five eight twentyfive yeah brown brown yeah small scar on your ankle uh eyes green height nose big oh no yes sure it is height five eleven yeah um weight you worry too much about weight um at 17 you met helene
yeah she was at the university of paris she taught you to read and write music and you lived together for seven years until she died sseven seven years yeah and then you gave up your music for many years right yes but i dont write any music i just play piano always in the bars and anton heard you one night in paris yeah and said that he would help you start over in america and i wake up in america beautiful country land of opportunity uhhuh ha ha ha okay back to work um you live with two men first peter then stephen both nice guy nice yes thats what you said and stephen wanted tomarriage you but uh you think that marriage isbonng ah except for ours oh yeah
then you met uh phil him you really love huh but you cant tell them that and i left phil and married me because youre different and funny and dont forget a a good handyman youve had lots of women but you havent really loved anyone since helene except for me and you fell in love with me because ah whats a good reason i just cant think it cant be that hard to think of a reason uh let me see there must be a reason oh yes because i begin to hear music again its like when i was a little girl the same thing the pot sure no i gave you a five right yeah okay what is it nothing
what dont wait up for me phil heyhey oh ho you look beautiful lets go around to your place wait or we can go around to angelds no oh god im hungry lets go no no no no no lets go this way no no its all arranged come on i made a reservation come here lets go have dinner around just around the corner here no no no no no i have it all planned lets go this way come on no no no
oh come on so tell me everything you did while i was away not much not much so you missed me oh yes yes yes i missed you a lot you sure you missed me of course you sure yes you dont look like you did looks to me like i missed you more than you missed me thats not true you should have been there it was beautiful three tofus and a brown rice i saw us there out in the middle of nowhere grow our own food one night there was this incredible moon you shouldve seen it we had the same moon well yeah but you should have seen it without all the crap in the sky
it was glorious it was a cloudy night then all of a sudden out of nowhere this giant shaft of moonlight breaks through the clouds it was all of a sudden like daytime with giant shadows being cast from the trees oh what a beauty now g0 no phil the guard isnt here look well get together tomorrow okay just to the door bronté there might be some intruder lurking about hey this is nice okay youve seen me to the door now go no i cant go until ive seen the greenhouse oh phil youve had too much to drink come here mmm oh you feel so good oh phil no mmm oh
oh bronté oh oh phil mmm mmm oh phil no no you heard what she said o h merde she said go whos this go or ill throw you out georges how dare you bronté talk to me who is this get out vegetarian who the hell do you think you are georges no im the husband thats who whatd you say thats my wife youve been grabbing now get out is this true yes but its not the way you think oh god what
oh god out now wait a minute out out out out youre the waiter from that restaurant get out i dont know whats going on but im gonna find out pal go on get out n n0 m w 0 the interview were going tomorrow out are you upset upset out out no no but the interview i dont care i dont care what happens bronte please now go or ill call the police ill call immigration jail would be better than this at least id have a cell to myself
come on ddont be childish bronté ohh open bronté get up go on get up oh no back to the subway its you uh good morning mrs bird ever since you people moved in theres been nothing but trouble i didnt want to wake you chérie you forgot your key again yes alalways forgetting the key you should have gone to a hotel dear but the board wouldnt approve of such a thing sleeping in the hallways excuse me this isnt africa you know i realize that mrs bird it wont happen again mrs bird
why did you do that last night i just dont like vegetarians dont be ridiculous the way he was bothering you i lost control is that supposed to be an apology hes not right for you oh really he knows more about peoples feelings than youll ever know feelings you dont have feelings at all you snore and your manners are atrocious ah if you think thats important youre a snob well youre a slob youre ovenmeight youre disgusting you say you are a rebel but you are afraid of your father my fathers made something of his life but you live your life like you got it from a book well youre 40 and you sleep in the park and phil oh yes you makea nice love with phil likea vegetables you need a fuck thats the language of the gutter where you came from and where youll end up i am i am the gutter yes but you you are like a plant
a caca cactus i once said i had no opinion of you and now i do i hate you i really hate you good good your first feeling oh god the interview oh my god oh oh do you have do you have a ill do it ill do it ill do it move it you stupid moron im stuck im stuck come on well take the subway well you can take the subway lady but you aint goin nowhere the subway the water main broke the park the park
come on the whole citys falling apart come on well get a cab on the other side but the park is too far bronté bronté its too far come on up there this way youre sure youre sure huh yes because we cant get lost im sure of course im sure to the right where come on come on run for it take care were nearly there this way were not far come on
children taxi taxi number 75 were the next father sydney face cream monticello your fathers name was it bertrand or bernard rene oh you wait in here mr fauré and mrs fauré ify0ull follow me mr fauré as you know we have doubts that your marriage is bona fide i have here a number of detailed questions your answers will help us make a determination i want you to be brief and to the point i ask you to raise your right hand do you hereby swear that the evidence youre about to give is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth your name is bronté mitchell fauré her father is a writer his name sydney sydney parrish he didnt have a formal education he ran away from home when he was 12
she loves all flowers and weeds thats her research he knows i love salads he likes all fatty foods you know being french she likes to eat such a thing as birdseed birdseed yes muesli and decaf horrible coffee he hums all the time hums hes composing he hasnt written in a longtime he says hes not sensitive but thats not true hes a very sensitive man he makes me laugh shes very kind to people me i dont think that way i dont trust people hes had a hard life in a way he hasnt learned to give but hes got so much to give she has peace i dont have peace he has passion he eats life
im sure that just about does it just a few more details five uh feet eight five eleven hundred and twentyfive he wont tell me how much he weighs she sleeps on the right side of the bed hes on the left her toothbrush mines green her face cream monte carlo thats the only answer i keep forgetting you remember all the other answers is not her fault so please dont touch her i was good i think me too i think youre gonna get what you want your green card oh yes ill see you again i mean i have to get my things well i can leave them with oscar oscar
uh good idea yes right youre right as soon as we hear something we can start you know the divorce as soon as possible good luck with your music i hope you get your big trees huh good bye georges good bye bronte the ring no thank you good morning mrs fauré mr fauréjust stopped by he said to give you this li guess hishis flight was delayed well thank you oscarafrica tuesdaythe elephants have been restless againso restless i just cant sleepi would love to say a last good bye before this next safari its okay what i think i tried too hard i blew it why didnt you tell me
its all right we made a deal lfl leave quickly then you keep your beautiful greenhouse i dont care about the greenhouse its time to go mr fauré no no i write lets go i write every day now mr fauré and the letters will always say the same thingwhen are you coming chérie last night i had a dream ooh about a home no no that was so bright i dont know why it has t0 be a dream oh chérie why can when wfi lorahelp me do you still have them oh
oh yeah help me finda home keep your eye5 on the prize oh dont be dismayed dont be dismayed i do deep 1 your heart you must believe everything is gonna be all right so do i everything is gonna be all right everything is gonna be all right sometimes hot and sometimes cold sometimes im in sometimes im out no i havent had much to eat lord knows i haven had much sleep you know keep your eyes on the prize dont be dismayed
dont be dismayed deep in your heart you must believe everything is gonna be all right everything is gonna be all right lady a little change i need some lunch watch where y0ure going anybody look at you hi anton ive never seen you all dressed up like this well do i look the part sure look at me coffee no im so nervous youre supposed to be nervous on your wedding day right you really look absolutely gorgeous thanks i borrowed the dress its a marvellous thing youre doing bronte anton no speeches
you and georges okay no speeches hey georges nice to meet you you too you were very good so were you thats a copy for you bronte ce cest pour toi l1lnever forget afrika africa yes where we met oh the coffeeshop good luck with your life et merci anton good luck with your composing with what your music oh yes you donz ha ve t0 see hi thats where we met hes there now i wish he were here but hes not hed love the apartment though he travels a great deal but hes the quiet type
we both are really whats he doing there hes a composer african music not drums we c0uldnt have someone who played the drums here oh no no he studies their music he himself is not hes french oh oh french what is thisgreen guerillas not some army is it its a volunteer garden group they do good work amongst the poor mrs faure is also with our city parks department we did have problems with a recent tenant a single gentleman who neglected the responsibilities associated with 12f thats why the board feels that a young married couple would be more suitable mrs faure is a horticulturist thats in her favour but it is irregular to give our approval without meeting i like the couple from the bank not the one with the dog im aware of the situation itsjust that i could bring the garden back to the way the late professor had it i dont want to get technical but the moracus syconia needs thinning
the crinums and zamias are sadly neglected the chamaedoreafs root bound special care must be taken for the poor cyathaceae dicksonia not to mention the cordyline or the heliconia then theres work nurturing the aspidistra begonias the bromeliads yo baby yo bronte the city fathers give their blessing to the project all right talk about the 77th hour huh ive got some good news whats that youre kidding burger king does this press hype at the sheraton centre they recreate texas or something giant burger city in the middle oftexas they dont know what theyre gonna do with the soil dave saysi know the guy to take it me how ya doin were officially approved lets g0 all right burger king burger king lets hear it for phil who can use a box of periwinkles
italian would be great ask bronte and phil yeahcause im starved i am too bronte are you hungry oh yeah want to get something to eat yeah the four of us get something to eat okay lets go the all nations okay yeah maybe we can think of certain plants we can put there can we order im not your waiter who is our waiter hey are you our waiter no georges les cartes lets get out of here its awful you have chosen somebody else go ahead what are your specials from switzerland we have calves liver
from old england we have roast beef i dont eat meat why not pardon me if you dont eat meat we have fish dont eat fikh im a vegetarian youve a vegetarian special all nations vegetables ill have that but no oil or salt no salt for you ill take the fish me too two for the fish and uh for mademoiselle or is it madame its just here on the right right here let me come up mmm no what is it a girls dorm whats with the secrecy what secrecy
most girls ive known have tried to crowd me except you i need a little crowding from you you coming or what okay okay evening mrs faure hello oscar theres some mail mostly addressed to miss parrish i guess some folks dont know youre married i still go by the name parrish w0mens lib huh i guess so nothing from africa oh i already checked i guess hes still on safari huh something like that good night mrs faure good night oscar mrs faure yes my name is gorsky im with the investigations department of the ins the what the immigration my partner and i are in the lobby
we wondered if we might have a word with you and your husband what is it you want to know i want to speak with georges faure he doesnt work here any more what he was rude we dont stand for that whats he doing what happened you again you assaulted my girl friend youre making advances youre making advances feifei with me here youve no worries miss with me here youve no worries where did you buy that stuff great but youve killed someone wake up what happened uncle hes killed someone just now dont be afraid throw him out get away if id come earlier this might not have happened
dont you blame me just now she wont get angry so easily what are you saying we must get out thank you last night i met a fishing girl on the shore all smiles she got me to ride the waves i called her feifei she giggles i called her feifei any soft drink tins watch out shes nimble for her age if i pick can for a living wont you still know me you giggle when i call you by name last night i met a fishing girl on the shore she smiled at me with emotion i must leave sorry second master my fault forget it mistress is back
miss where have you been the whole night we were worried where have you been dont ask her nanny young people now go to bed you havent slept the whole night go to bed feifei sit down and lets chat uncle sorry to keep you worried never mind isnt that boy okay feifei do you like him or not it meansyes if youre quiet may i decide for you dont be shy ill arrange it for you am i okay feifei uncle wants us get married do you agree speak up well let me make an assumption i were an impostor would you kick me into the sea ive been kicked down once keep down follow them
you got the wrong party shut up or ill kill you what happened i dont know hold it fast i cant let me go jump quick help help trying to run give it back to me im like a lonely boat at sea waiting for you to salvage me a lonely boat burn that lonely boat dont i beg you youre betraying me you wont listen to me i will i will ill take your advice take this packet to uncle for me whats it an elixir that kills within seconds dont i beg you dont feed that lonely boat give it to me
who youd like to feed it to miss let me do it that wont be necessary let me do it let me let me do it miss we embroidered this part of your dowry beautiful isnt it have tea miss i brought it for uncle ill bring another cup its from the mistress feifeis nice im thirsty uncle dont drink it this cup of tea is mine feifei come here i have nothing but this bracelet for you i kept it for over 10 years take it for your dowry uncle dont drink it is it yours youre like your dad who fought over everything with me whats wrong silly girl with me here you have no fear
uncle dont die i wont die so early i must attend your wedding party are you all right ill take you for my own daughter from now on no one would know if you keep it a secret no one would know if you keep it a secret trying to run damn you dont run brother some more playing lizards stop at the mtr station please mtr station byebye miss tsao how did you manage to get away well just tell me now whats happened speak up i live here and am the garbage woman here make way what are you doing make way dont be in my way whats so special with a rich man
its no place for you here fatty lan why come here when its pouring crazy now no one knows you were a garbage woman youre now a lady you cant change back nor can l listen im also an impostor i conspired with tsaos son to seduce you to cheat that letter thats unimportant just bear in mind the gems over there are all real are you untrue to me it makes no difference only if we can get the genuine banknotes we can live like men again its a windfall for us from heaven we must never let the chance slip mr vincent hing will you take miss tsao feifei for your wife for better or for worse i do miss tsao feifei will you take mr vincent hing for your husband for better or for worse i do as of now youre the heirs to the tsaos jewelry enterprises wait shes an impostor my uncle conspired with her for my dads money shes not my sister theyre swindlers
stop that nonsense dont tell rumors ask her if you dont believe me feifei is it true right im not tsao feifei sorry mr tsao all shut up take them away follow me hurry up lets go no wonder company accounts dont jibe the company will close to check our losses go back to audit the books show me everything for inventory uncle its your day of reckoning wei what are you up to dont be smug that will deals you out that will the will now i get whatever i want theyre impostors let me out ill deal with you very soon boss let me go back to office first
brother the ships here how could you be here my bad luck to team up with you look at me you traitor take him away mr tsao are you all right why didnt you tell me it was a fake you tried to betray me are you blaming me now you dont even recognize your own cousin what have you to say now try to get out of here any idea use you head youre taking me for a nut no more that lousy gimmick i havent got it over yet i cant hold on anymore have you finished come on hit me come on hit me or youre chicken dad how do you feel get wood and kerosene burn the house keep away hold it its our family affair
it has nothing to do with them please let them go i beg you youre begging me hear that my uncles begging me say that again master wei master wei show your sincerity what do you want beg me on your knees and kowtow are you going to do it you wont do it set fire okay ill do it on my knees dad dont let me master wei i beg you keep away youre still young dad dont do it for your age keep away lick it lick it clean lick it lick it i hate the wordlick and you said it many times
lets perish together give me a hand come on damn you give me the shoes nobody wants them anyway big brother theyre all here brother the ships ready let them have a family reunion then kill them all set fire open up is it for real it was only for fun ill make good the cost of your shoes open up this way help me what are you doing madam go on board i dont want to die damn you garbage woman youve ruined us the whole family ill kill you youve ruined us ill strangle you to death
what are you doing are you out of your mind get burlap cloth wet it and cover your face wheres water try something yourself water water what are you doing give it to me give it back to me whats this you urinate yourself let me alone come on well die together come on vincent give me some have you got any yourself hes good for nothing sock it to him i cant make it anyway so i say youre not civilized do me a favor ask your dad for it ask your dad for it see you in the next life
dad give me some urine lung see you in the next life keep away vincent see you in the next life dad whys it yellowish i have dyspepsia would you tell me the truth before your death it wont do any good have you been intimate with that girl which one that one standing over there shes like this and this like this and that vital statistics so the numbers are code to the lock what are the vital statistics not right didnt work could she be so shapely its opened hurry up run quick careful dad theres water feifei untie it feifei sorry i cant stop wei from seizing your dads money
mr tsao ive never done one good deed all my life let me help you now lung youll be in charge here oh no i forgot something important whats it whats it what happened brother let me go out to have a look go out quickly oh no brother youre still alive bastard lets talk it over throw down that jewel box when i count to five otherwise youll perish together you go down take it to him take it to him wait for you youre lucky youve got it over now ill dump you to sea see if you can stay alive dump him to the sea to drown him keep away
i dont mind dying but i have a last demand what is it give me two oxygen cylinders to go in it sounds witty i have no oxygen cylinders ill give you an oxygen mask what are you doing what are you doing oh no theyre up there so you wont help me pretty boy lets go quite soon let me help you how careless you are what now a fish gun yes it is get in and shoutfreeze then take the gems jump to sea through the window understand all fixed oh no what now hurl a wine bottle at his head then proceed as planned
brother fixed get hold of them stuck stuck let go finish him off ive been looking for you dont run if youve guts right lets waste no time lets have a handtohand fight not your business keep away come on ill kill you hit you have a waterbubble biscuit hold it rubber superman how come the ninja turtles coming beyond my reach bounce and one more another batch of gems hurry up the smartest outfit ive ever seen you in darling take me with you
duck and make it snappy darling dont leave me behind let go darling dont go dont run or ill shoot dont kill me dont kill me kneel down lick my toe go now go now brat see if you dare to make trouble again i wont dad in fact we should thank vincent were rushing back to office for a meeting get in have you seen them lately no dad look the mistress is back to collect garbage here are many tins care to pick them one from a rich family doesnt have to do that miss steel teeth of the docks is calling are you going what a waste i copied from readers digest the whole night
have a cup of coffee only top spots like regent and shangrila are worthy of your social status the paintings here are not bad this one is not bad this is nice too steel teeth likes you arent you going what did you say pretty you want to get beaten beat her hi im julie from the in living color switchboard im about to let you in on an incredible offer fox television will send you this genuine afrophone made from the finest polystyrene plastic and if you call right now well send along absolutely free in living colors outtakes bloopers and blunders oh my god look what happened by accident d you can do what you wanna do d d in living colord d in living colord operators are standing by sw1 kick it d you can do what you wanna do d d in living colord d in living colord d you know what im sayind d you can do what you wanna do d d in living colord d in living colord d you can walk on the moon float like a balloon d d you see its never too late and its never too soon d d take it from me its aight to be d d in living colord d and how would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete d d and all mankind danced to the exact beat d
d and at night it was safe to walk down the street d d in living colord d you can do what you wanna do d d in living colord d in living colord d you can do what you wanna do d d in living colord d in living colord d everybody here is equally kind d d everybody here is equally kind d d everybody everybody everybody everybody d d everybody here is equally kind d d in living colord d whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine d d in living cccolord d you can do what you wanna do in living colord d in living colord d you know what im sayind d you can walk on the moon float like a balloon d d you see its never too late and its never too soon d d take it from me its aight to be d d in living colord d you can do what you wanna do in living colordd then arnold schwarzenegger was conan and now world champion female bodybuilder vera de milo explodes upon the screen as veracosa mistress of destruction watch veras biceps bulge as she summons the spirit dianabol watch her belly bulge as she lets loose the wind of the gods youll marvel at all of veras incredible bulges whats a girl to do thanks for hangin around no fair at last we meet my dreaded veracosa i am keeman of the hannabarberians i am he that must vanquish thee from thine therefore i am i must i dont understand a word youre saying what kind of language is that it is the tongue of my native land dyslexia now say youll be my bride and together we will rule the erudites
you are brave as well as beautiful that excites me you shall never taste my ambrosia keeman for i am veracosa of british caledonia keeper of nautilus and deceptor of urinalysis very well then what i cannot have take it i shall i shall unleash the mammaries that kings and princes have died for i cant believe you just did that i am so humiliated now youve asked for it no not the poison pit oh oh no sleep well keeman let that be a lesson to all those who practice evil when you mess with my breasts you die like the rest they revolutionized dinner theater with their show please dont chew with your mouth open and now cephus and reesie sing all your holiday favorites including their 24minute version ofdeck the halls d deck the halls with boughs of d d hooolleeeeee d now hold it right there reesie what are we decking d silent night d now hold it reesie
what kind of night you say that was i said it was a silent night oh reesie im talkin too much better hush up see no evil hear no evil silent night put a sock in it now wait a minute reesie im confused was the night silent or was it holy it was silent and holy cephus oh you mean holy holy you crazy like a sock d on the ninth day of christmas d d my true love sent to me d d nine chickens leaping d d eight blackeyed peas d d seven candied yams d d six corn bread muffins d d five pounds of grits d thats right d four neck bones d d three ham hocks two cans of spam d d and some chitlins and some pigs feet dd d five d sseven d nine chickens leapin eight blackeyed peas dd now this is a replica of the habitat ofbirds from the brazilian rain forest now can anyone tell me why these birds are endangered i believe i can tell you mrs keegan these birds are endangered because when they fly south sometimes they go too far going past the south pole up to the north pole and get hit by santas sled
thats enough young lady if i hear one more of your outrageous stories im gonna have to call your mother whatever you say bubble butt what did you say i said gosh i cant wait to see king tut good because thats where were going next but before we go does anybody know the correct answer yes parnell duh very good parnell all right class now lets move on to the next exhibit all right follow me look at this parnell its just like that movie the birds save me parnell theyll poke my eyes out nice try count barfula but those birds have been dead and stuffed for about nine billion years oh yeah well for your information parnell i happen to be able to talk to the animals just like dr dolittle thats mature parnell ive got a great idea you be tarzan and ill bejane beautiful princess of the jungle
i dont wish to be caught in your tender trap besides you look more likecheetabobeeta i smell your stinky feeta oh good one im sure hey guess what parnell im your cousin the industrious beaver shut up maximum putdown way to go that display has brought joy to the hearts of millions now we gotta fix it vomitola khomeini d i see your hiney out front and shiny d d better hide it before i bite it d hey whats down here knock it off pukeasaurus rex if thats your idea if thats your idea youre never gonna youre never gonna youre not bu youre not bu oh thank goodness oh thank goodness youve arrived mrs keegan it was terrible all the birds from from desert land came over with all the birds from rain forest town and they were crashing and banging having a big battle stop it stop it right now edna louise
that is the absolute last straw im going to call your mother and have you suspended young lady oh mrs keegan please dont call my mother dont do it ill do my homework ill do everybodys homework oh mrs keegan cant we just settle this like adults no we cant thats enough from you mrs keegan yes parnell it was all my fault i became so fascinated by the foliage that i had to get a closer look and i accidentally knocked it over edna was just trying to help me clean it up all right edna i wont call your mother this time but both you and parnell are gonna spend the rest of the afternoon on the bus now clean up his mess im gonna go join the other children parnell parnell does that mean you love me or what try again crapalonia it was just a matter of my own protection if you get kicked out youll probably have to find a job in the fastfood industry and youll have bad acne and when i order my fries ill have to look at your pimply pusy head it just not worth itednapedna go drop deadna
that spells love to me man parnell is in love with me i just knew it there he is come on lets go see santa claus santa dont live here anymore its homey claus how come you dont got wwwhite hair and a white beard oh surround my face with white so i can look some sort of damn north pole negative i dont think so homey dont play that can we sit on your lap and tell you what we want for christmas oh so let i get this straight you want me to lower myself so that you can assume a superior position and then demand tribute yeah yeah i dont think so homey dont play that i tell you what you can sit on this you can have your knee and i can keep my dignity but homey wwwhats dignity here let me show you see how you feel right now
yeah well dignity is the opposite of that now then little girl what do you want from homey claus uh a malibu barbie with her own condo a malibu barbie yeah well i aint got no malibu barbie i got compton carlotta and this is her section 8 housing in foreclosure hey this is a milk carton and this is a turkey baster with an afro merry christmas thank you i want i dont care what you want cave boy this is what you get its sticko the worlds greatest toy its a stick i know but it aint just an ordinary stick you could be a baseball player like whats that big fat white boys name babe ruth i dont want to be a baseball player well then you can play the flute be the pied piper of hammer time i dont want to be a flute player then here
why dont you just go lead the parade i dont want to lead i said lead the damn parade big kid come sit down hi homey you scream in my ear again big kid its gonna be me and you sorry homey now what can homey claus get for you you know something i can look at all the constellations and the stars with oh so youre not just a big dumb kid youre a brainy kid yeah homey homeys got just the thing for you here you go but homey this isnt no refracting telescope its better than that its an observatory go ahead why dont you put it on your head didnt you see all the wonderful stars excuse me children i got to bring some christmas joy into this young mans heart hey i saw you take that toy now if you need a toy and cant afford one homey claus will give you one i got money
i stole it so i can be in a gang its part of my initiation what my initiation hes a ignorant little fool so you want to be in a gang huh make you feel like a big man huh yeah since youre a big man homeys got something special for you yes look in the bag let me see i dont see nothin you gotta look closer now what do you see hey thats the same thing your dumb ass get out of a gang nothing can i go now well i guess since its christmas i should let you off with just a warning huh i dont think so homey dont play that all right little childrens gather around my belt is fallin that means its time to sing christmas carols all right repeat after me
d silent night d d silent night d d silent night d d homeys night d d homeys night d d homeys night d d all was calm d d all was calm d d all was calm d d all was bright d bright like the light that the cop shined in my damn face he knew i didnt do nothin threw me on the floor and put that damn thing in started beating me like i was a fool i didnt do it he knew i didnt do it he knew it and yall aint singing that was beautiful you almost made homey mistyeyed i saidalmost now yall go on get out of here bye homey hey homey merry christmas what you trying to have a special moment with me you want homey to reveal a tender side show he wasnt completely hardened by the mans prison system i dont think so homey dont play that not even on christmas now get the hell out of here hey kid you aint moving fast enough