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Here I am sitting in the computer lab trying to track my thoughts. I am thinking that I shouldn't worry about what to think. I am not exactly sure why this assignment is necessary, but then again I am no psychologist. Whoa, change in thought. Now I am thinking of England and of how I wish I could go there to see the sights and see a close friend who lives there. Now I am sad because this reminds me of Princess Diana and of what a wonderful woman she was. I was truly saddened when I heard she died. She was on of those people that you dream of meeting some day even if you are only around her for a moment. She was the type of person that could make your whole year just by smiling at you. This sadness takes me to other places, I am now simultaneously thinking of a close friend of mine who is clinically depressed and of old friend of the family who was homosexual and died this year of AIDS. I am a Christian and I have strong Christian beliefs but when tragedy strikes those you love the most there is wonder and doubt involving a supposed loving God. Sometimes I praise God for the things he does but other times you ask yourself why. I have always been a dreamer, setting my goals high, but sometimes I wonder if what I want to do with my life is right or if God wanted me to go off and become a minister. Life is never simple but I just try to roll with the punches. A minister of mine once said that some people build up barriers around themselves in order not to get hurt. They try to experience the least amount of pain as possible by blocking themselves out, but then he said that these same people cannot experience love very much. At the same time as protecting themselves from pain they are limiting themselves to a lesser degree of love then is possible. I want to be one of the people who can experience love greatly, but in reality I have been hurt before and there are definite walls to protect myself from that kind of pain again. Whenever you go on a date and you are nervous everyone says just be yourself. I think that is a huge crock of shit. I am a multi faceted person, I don't even know what being myself would be. Is that the self that you express outwardly, where in my case I am jovial and make people laugh or is that the self inside that has deep emotions and is very, very sensitive and sometimes insecure while also being loving and caring. Sometimes I feel like I have all of this love stored up inside of me and no one to give it to. I try not to dwell in these places for any significant amount of time. I think IO like who I am, but its just that I really haven't figured that out completely yet. At first I didn't know what to write, but now I am glad we did this assignment. It is good to get your feelings out from inside when you don't want to tell anyone and you don't have a diary. Bye-bye. | low | low | low | high | low |
This is really strange. I have never had to do anything like this assignment in my life. Actually the only time I ever use a computer is to play solitaire. I took a couple of computer classes in high school but never learned anything about the internet. I went after class today to set up the computer account but the office had already shut down. I was able to set up an e-mail address but I just learned that I can't do much with it just yet. I never set up an account with the university so I can't check my mail from the apartment just yet. I came into the computer lab in my apartment complex and fortunately a guy in here kind of helped me to understand what is going on with the computer situation. He let me use his account to do this writing assignment with one restriction-I can't do anything illegal while I am logged into his account. The funny thing is I would not know if I was doing anything illegal because I know nothing about computers. I think before I go to class tomorrow I am going to set up my account at school. Maybe the people in the Hogg building will have some handouts for the "computer illiterate". I wonder if I am the first person to do this assignment. Probably not, there was only about 500 people in my class and I am sure someone has done the assignment by now. I figured I should do it ASAP so I won't fall behind in my homework assignments. I was a pretty good student in high school but then again I was always reminded when assignments were due. I already have post-it notes all over my room to remind me of the things I have to do for all my classes. There is a pool right outside of the computer lab I am sitting at and I am thinking I may have to go swimming. I think I will invite some friends over to keep me company. It is really cold in here and my fingers are beginning to freeze up. I am in here alone. The song to "Friends" is playing loudly on the TV in the sitting room next door. A girl who works in the office just shut the door and said "Good Night". It is quieter now and I am beginning to run out of things to type about. I talked to my boyfriend right before I came over here. He goes to Ole Miss in Mississippi. I haven't talked to him in a few days so it was nice to hear his voice. He has an e-mail address so I think I am going to attempt to e-mail him. I wonder if anyone will read all of this stuff I just wrote. I think with over 1000 entries due it is not too likely someone is going to read this entry. Oh well I have written a little longer than the set amount of time - "Little" being the key word. I am sure with all of the computer technology whoever checks this assignment will know exactly how long I have been typing. I suppose after I set up my account at school I will be able to write my second assignment. I will talk to you then!! TRICIA VERONA | low | high | high | low | high |
I feel kind of alone. I feel like I can't trust as many people as I use to. The people I trust are miles from me. I miss them. I miss talking to them everyday. Even though we still keep in touch it's not the same. I miss my hometown. I miss playing highschool basketball. College is going to be hard for me because I never study and when I do Study I can't study that long because I get tired because tired. It feels like my life is just beginning because I'm experiencing new things. I wonder if I'm going to meet the perfect girl up here. I'm kind of scared of this assignment because I don't know if I am doing it right but I think I am. I need a haircut because my hair is starting to get shaggy. I like getting haircuts. I'm tired but that's nothing unusual because I 'm always tired. I think I'm going to visit my home town this weekend. I want to see a good movie because I haven't seen one in a while. My eyes are starting to hurt because I have to stare at the keys hard. | low | low | low | low | high |
Well I'm finally doing this writing assignment. It was not in my mind at all so I totally forgot about this stuff. This assignment is taking me back to the seventh grade because in my English class. damn I keep messing up on my typing. well back to what I was talkin about. We had to write at the beginning of every class for five or ten minutes about anything that came to our mind; of course if we didn’t wanna write a story or something. So what I would write a lot is something like "I think this writing assignment sucks, . its stupid. and I’m bored. I'm bored. ", on and on and on. I also just would like keeping writing the alphabet in random order. Well now I'm listening to this tired ass song from Puff Daddy, "Ill Be Missin You" It talks about death of a friend. To me that is very scary. Cuz I always imagine how it would feel when you die or like where do you go. Its just a scary feelin that you don’t know when we might not be here anymore. I had a few people that I knew die. Its just a sad thought. Now I’m thinking about how college isn’t that bad. Only if it wasn’t for me being lost in Calculus. I mean I shouldn’t have any trouble; I was Valedictorian and I feel very stupid, upset, frustrated, and scared. Oh shit. I just flinched cuz I got startled by the fact that some guy across the hall here just slammed the door very, very hard. Two times and said "jack ass" so loud that I heard him while I’m sittin here typing in my dorm room. Well I need to start getting on the ball and do all my reading and homework, especially in Calculus. For some odd reason its just not clicking for me. and math is supposedly one of my best subjects. I guess that was in high school. and I even took calc. last year. Oh, now the Men In Black song is playing. I think that that movie wasn't as good as it was in the previews. So now I don’t really have anything else to talk about. Actually I cant wait to talk about my college experience cuz boy do I have some problems right now. Oh damn there's a phone call and I got up to get it but I don’t know what happened. Well I’m going to be going home tomorrow so I’m not going to the UT vs. Rutgers on Sat. I think I’m gonna go to the library in a few minutes after I finish writing on here. I’m actually finished so I guess I’m Out. PEACE. | low | high | high | low | high |
I can't believe I am doing this, and that I actually am getting through it, because this is the first time that I have ever logged on to the world wide web, at least I think that is what you call it. To tell you the truth it is actually easier than I thought it would be, I expected it to be very difficult, but it's not all that bad. Anyhow all this computer stuff is fairly new to me and so it is rather confusing for me at times. But I guess I am coping with it and handling it the best I can. Though I am always afraid that I will hit one button and the whole place will shut down. Actually, that is a true nightmare that I have had before. Which reminds me that I have been having really strange dreams lately, and all of them concern a different aspect of school. Which I guess is because I have just moved here from a really small town. And when I say small, I mean really , really small, like about fifteen hundred people in the whole town. Now compared to that Austin is a real shocker. I guess it just takes some getting used to , and learning new things when you move from a farm to a fast paced city. So many things are different and yet so many things are the same. A funny thing happened when I first moved here a week ago, I found out that my cousin, she is the same age as me, is living in the apartment directly above mine. to me this is such a coincidence, really when you think about it is. Just think of how many apartment buildings there are in Austin, and I unknowingly chose the exact same one that she did. And she and I only used to see each other once a year, but now we see each other nearly every day. Christmas, when our families all got together was the only time we saw each other, I am already looking forward to the Christmas season because of the weather that we have at that time. I am so tired of this ninety degree weather. I can't wait for a cold spell or a norther to blow in and cool everything off. But I guess that won't happen for a while yet anyway. That reminds me that I have to pick up a raincoat or an umbrella before this weekend, because I am planning to go to my youngest brothers football game, and I want to be prepared in case it happened to rain. More than likely it won't rain, but I know that If I don't get a raincoat or umbrella then sure enough it will pour. I don't usually enjoy watching football games, actually I don't ever enjoy watching it, but my brother begged me and begged me to come see him, so I finally told him that we would come watch him this Friday. he's supposed to be really good. But I don't even remember what position he plays anymore. The reason that I don't really like football is that I don't understand the rules very well, and I think that if I knew them better then I would be able to follow along with the game better and enjoy it much more. I am not much of a person who likes sports and athletics much anyway. I like to do more calm, less active things. One of my really good friends happens to be getting married this weekend. I wonder what the wedding will be like, considering the man she is marrying is so strange. I wonder how long that marriage will last. But I am glad to be going to her wedding, because I will be able to see all of my old friends from high school again, and catch up with what they are doing now. I haven't seen them is a really long time so that should be interesting. Well, I am way past my twenty minutes, and must get to class, so I must end here. | low | high | low | high | low |
alright. what can I talk about. well the only thing I’m really thinking about is richie. I love him so much. ok why can I now see what I’m typing. anyway, I g | high | high | high | high | low |
Aug. 31 Note: I wrote this paper over a week ago and I am just now typing it. You said we could write it down first and then type it. I have finally found the inspiration to write this paper. Today is August 31. The time is 1:30 A. M. I am watching television and at the same time trying to write this paper. Today is a very sad day for many . The new of Princess Diana’s death has just unfolded. It is very strange that every time a prominent "celeb" dies the world acts as if they knew them personally. I case in Princess Diana's death the world did kind of know her rather intimately since her life was unfortunately always being publicized. I just looked around my room watching my roommate and another one of my friends gasp in horror of the tragic news. The newscasters are explaining how her death occurred. I think she was a very lucky woman and very unfortunate at the same time. Diana's "Princess fairy tale" seems to be more a tale of horror. I keep thinking about her children. I think their mother was the only one who truly let them know what being young and living life was all about. I think that small ounce of joy will die with her death. My sweetmate just walked in. It seems all of a sudden we've got a party in our room . It's very hard to concentrate on writing this paper and listen to the news all at the same time. The phone is ringing. I hope it's not for me. I always get interrupted when I doing something important. The phone is for my roommate. Her mom calls twice a day at the same time every day to check how my roommate is doing. Maybe she heard the new of Diana and it made her even more anxious to call. Whenever someone dies it always reminds us of what is most important. The time is 1:41 A. M. I am really getting tired and it's hard to write this paper, but if this paper means making the grade I want, I guess I'm going to have to force myself to keep going. They are discussing the "fairytale" wedding and Prince "charming" . It seem ver sad that she only experience the fairytale for such a short period of time. This whole disaster is making me ver nostalgic. I'm starting to think about some of the friends I lost in reckless accidents. The only difference is , they died from their own irresponsible actions. I'm thinking about a friend of my, I suppose we can call her "Sorry" because her life really is a sorry tale. She is a girl who possessed so much potential and ability, but ruined it because she decided she cared more about drinking, driving, and fun more than her future. Her irresponsible ways killed a friend who was in the same car. This friend was pregnant. Two lives lost in 1 instant. Three other lives in the car were saved by fate I suppose. "Sorry continues to drink, drive, and live recklessly. I have lost alot of respect for her. I kind of think her current actions are more sign of self-destruction. I guess she feels her future fun times are going to be cut off very soon and she might as well have fun while she can. Her court date for involuntary manslaughter is coming up. I wonder how reckless "Sorry" can be in prison. | high | low | high | low | low |
The problem I have with this writing assignment is that there is so much going on in my life right now that all of these different worries and concerns keep popping into my head. The one thing that I am looking forward to is that today I am meeting my parents in La Grange for dinner. They are giving me my fraternity dues in the form of a check and my answering machine . My pledge brother Brian is listening to MTV right now so it is very hard to concentrate and rigit is pissing me off. My humanities course is causing me a lot of stress because the teacher did not pass out any kind of syllabus so I have no idea how I will be graded. It just occurred to me that this essay is sounding more like the second writing assignment than the first, but I guess it doesn't really matter if school is what's on my mind. The girl next door has been on my mind a lot. Lately I find myself wondering what she is doing even though we agreed to be just friends because she lives next door. And now that I think about it another girl is always on my mind too. However she lives upstairs and I'm pretty sure I could hook up with her if I wanted. I am very excited about my fraternity. I am looking forward to our bar tap on Friday and I have promised myself I wouldn't drink until then. I really need to establish a routine, because I think once I do that I will be a lot less stressed. I need to start working out again to so that I won't feel like a complete piece of crap for partying too much. Last night I went to San Marcos to see the girl I am kind of dating but actually I don't feel any kind of affection for her. Which is something I should tell her because she apparently likes me alot. I think I am starting to get kind of sick . Probably has something to do with the fact I go to bed between 5 and 6 every night, but at least I scheduled afternoon classes. | high | low | low | low | high |
Hi my name is Brandi and I am writing this assignment, mainly cuz you told me too. Right now I am really tired and worried about my grandfather who happens to be in the hospital right now. I feel stupid writing about absolutely nothing just what I think about and since that is what I was thinking that is what I typed. I am really wondering when this line is going to end cuz it is pretty darn long. I wonder what my boyfriend is doing at the University of ATM right now. I wonder if he misses me or forgot about me. though I know that he didn't forget about me. I mean who would I am an unforgettable person. This apartment/dorm is so terribly hot. I haven't figured out how to work the air conditioner yet. I believe that it is broke, my room mate can't figure it out either. Let's see I have wrote for about 5 whole minutes so far, and this is a lot harder than it sounds. Let's see what can I do this weekend. Hummmm. there is the football game, a party I was invited too, go home (which I don’t see happening), go see my grandfather (which I am not real sure about doing), or study. I believe I will take options one, two, and four. I don’t want to see my grandfather because I hate to be around sad situations. they depress me and I hate to feel sad or depressed. I figure I can make myself that way why put myself into that situation. I love my grandfather but I don’t want to go there. There is also the fact that if I don’t acknowledge it then it might not be true. that is the way I think. If I don’t see it then it doesn't happen. illogical but it works for me. My friend just came over and I let her in she is now washing my dishes, she is one of my best friends and I have known her since kindergarten, but boy can we get on each others nerves. Not kidding because we really do. We have gotten to be like sisters almost especially this past summer and we just were around each other too much. And when we argue it is usually over irrelevant things, or really really stupid things. We also argue over the race issue. she is black and I am white, that is one issue that can really tick me off. I don’t understand how people can be so stupid and childish. Why should we look at race instead of the people. that issue really makes me mad. I really have completely nothing to say at all. I did receive a letter well email from my boyfriend today and it really made me happy. he told me that he missed me. It had been awhile since I have seen him but hopefully he will be able to come see me this weekend on Sunday since there is a STUPID football game on Saturday. I really miss him and wish he was coming here but it makes me happy when I hear from him and see him. I guess since I am a female one of the most lovable things I like to do is hug someone, but only at certain times. cuz when I am sad, it will make me cry in a heartbeat. kind of what happened yesterday. I told my room mate about my granddad and she gave me a hug and I wanted to just cry, but I hate to do that in front of people. Lord have mercy it is HOT. I am about to catch on flames I am soooooo hot. well I have typed for twenty minutes so I am leaving now. I sure am glad cause it is really hard to just wait until your mind has something to say. I mean when you aren't thinking about it you can think all day long but when you are trying to think of something to say you cant do it. never fails. happens to me every time. | low | high | high | low | low |
Well this is it , I guess? My first writing assignment in Psychology. I sure hope that no one calls and interrupts my internet access. Watch! Now that I've said that, someone will probably call. I'm the type of person that thinks that way. I mean, that if I say that I don't want something to happen, then I think that it probably will. The thing is, that those negative things that I think will happen seldom do. I guess I am just a cynical person like that. Wait, is that cynical or pessimistic? I don't know! Maybe I just think that way because I think it's humorous, or maybe I'm just trying to keep myself in check. Whatever it is, I just think that way sometimes. Enough about that. There sure are a lot of fine women here at UT. Well. Maybe it's because I went to an all boy school for four years that I think that way. No, that's not it. These girls would look good regardless of where I went to high school. The good thing is that there are a lot of girls, the bad thing is that I haven’t met one yet. I have always been shy around girls and going to an all-boy high school didn't help anything. Well, I will say it right here! I am going to do my best to get over that. With all these girls, I just can't let them pass me by. I see how happy my roommate and friend is with his girlfriend. I also hear countless stories of all these "fine" girls that he has met. I want to be the one with the stories and the girl. Not that I want my friend to not have the stories and the girl, but I want those things, too. Heartbreaking story: there is this real "fly" Asian girl in my Chemistry class. On the first day, she sat right next to me! Then I don't see here for a couple of days. Today I see her, finally! And she's holding some dude's hand! Oh well, I guess?!? There's an addiction that I must get over. Not drugs, or alcohol, or anything bad like that. You see, I love to play at the local arcade. I must spend about two dollars every other day in there. My money isn't limitless and everytime I put a quarter into the arcade machine, then that's one less load of laundry that I can do. Now do I want 20 minutes of entertainment or clean clothes. I don't know. It seems that every free moment I have I am in that stupid arcade. A tie-in with the last paragraph: maybe I don't meet any girls because I am in the arcade all the time. Prediction: I get out of the arcade, I take on an outgoing attitude, and I will meet a girl. Before I finish with this writing assignment, let me tell you about the two addictions that I have that I don't really care to get rid of. I love the Simpsons, and hip-hop. There's something about both of those that I just find pure joy in. In both cases, I see, here, and enjoy things that most people don't. It seems that the more obscure or "hidden" the things that I find enjoyment, the more joy I find in it. I guess it's that I am such a fan of both that the ordinary just isn't quite good enough. That's sort of bad. I should just enjoy the Simpsons and hip-hop for what they are and stop looking for the obscure. Well, this wasn’t so bad. With this being the first assignment, I guess I'll see you( the psychology web-page) tomorrow . | low | high | low | high | low |
I have a feeling this is going to be a long 20 minutes. I don't even know where to start, and I don't think I really care. oh well. USC plays Florida St. tonight. I hope USC crushes them. I wish I was in California right now. Sunny skies and 70 degrees. My roommate is an idiot. I don't think he thinks before he speaks. He is the clumsiest person I have ever met. what else should I say? I still feel sick from last night. Too much Beast!! I've got to get replenished for tonight. Lots of good football and beer. Hopefully some bitches will be here. I smell food in the kitchen. I'm hungry as fuck. All I’ve eaten this morning is Fruity Pebbles. I love Fruity Pebbles. I need more milk from the store. The Cowboys play tomorrow night at 7:00. Dallas is the greatest city in the world. Nobody does it better!! I can't wait to get home in a month or so. I need to go to the bathroom, but I guess I can hold it in for another 10 minutes. This is a waste of time. I wonder what you people can find out from this stuff. Random thoughts are weird. My eyes hurt. I need to go to the bathroom. It sounds like Tennessee is beating UCLA. I hate UCLA. USC is the shit!! I need to call my old roommate from USC. I need to eat. This is boring. I wonder how much time I have left. It looks like 10 minutes more. My roommate is obnoxious. He never stops talking and usually says nothing of importance. I think he has some serious problems. Maybe not. The girl next door is hot. I hope she comes over tonight to watch the UT game. She's got a great body. I'm still hungry. I need to get a job. My funds are running a little low. I waste too much money. I hope I win the lottery tonight. I hate this assignment. I guess it's pretty easy though. I better get an A in this class. I hate BA101. It is a pointless class. I need to do my assignment in there. I miss my homies in Dallas. I love kickin' it with them. You can't beat good friends and good beer. I wonder why I like to drink. It makes me feel good at the time, but I feel like shit every morning. I don't even remember when I started to drink in high school. Malt liquor is nasty, but when you're on a budget it hits the spot. Magnum. When I turn 21 I'm going to go nutty. Las Vegas here I come. only 3 more months. I better not fuck up when I turn 21. I need to keep getting good grades. Only 2 more years of this crap. I can't say that I've learned anything significant in college. All it's taught me is that you have to have one to get a job, but from there it is all on your shoulders. I like my summer job. Real world experience is better than book learning. I'm pretty sure they will hire me on after I graduate. I love computers. I guess that's why I'm an MIS major. They have so much power it is unbelievable. I need to eat. When I'm done maybe I’ll order a pizza. My roommate is so loud. I'm gonna yell at his lazy ass. All he does while I'm at school is sleep and watch TV. Rough life. I need to take out the trash. I need to get some beer for tonight. Maybe something ritzy. I need to get a job. I wish all assignments were this easy. Too many classes and not enough time. I need to find a girlfriend. The girl next door has potential. It's Party Time by Tracey Lee is on the radio. It's the jam. I love rap music. The beats are great and that's why I love it. He is the clumsiest person in the world. If my window is broken I will kick his ass. What a fool. It's Party time, whoa yeah it's party time, we havin a party. Time's up. | low | high | low | low | low |
this is the second time I am doing thin assignment. I checked to day and my social security number had no 1 or 2 by it so here I am. I am watching tv the news actually and they are giving the weather and my tummy is full because I just ate corn and chicken mmmmmm that was good now I feel tight and warm a little. it a good feeling. my ear itches. oh today’s lecturer was GREAT well all the lecturers are great but the reading is dead I mean dead I need to really concentrate on the reading. my girl friend is laughing at me because I have set my schedule book with all the things I have to do and on Mondays I have a poetry class and I have a lot to read and write for that class so for the first few Mondays I was writing everything I had to do but I got tired of doing that so I began writing "shit loads" my head itches and so dose my leg man how could that guy rape a 55 year old woman he was really fucked up. now the flowers are going away for Diana. anyway mars is coming into view. did you know that the song from 2001 a space odyssey the song in the begging I forgot its name and the composer but he composed that song after reading nietczhe. pretty neat huh? well I think my time is also most up there are no more tickets left for the big game. I don't like football unless it is soccer. far and few between are my thoughts. mmmmm what do you write when you don't want to do this and when there is a distracting tv girlfriend work and my Chihuahua well that is it twenty minutes good by good sirs and madams!!!! | high | low | low | high | low |
it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination. | high | high | low | low | high |
After the first day of class, I went to my dorm room and tried to sit down and do this assignment. To my luck, I was unable to get connected to this address. Oh well. my sister id talking to me right now. she actually thinks I’m listening to her. I guess that is why I am a theater major. right now she's reading me The Principal from the Black Lagoon. My sister is a special education teacher in Killeen, Texas. We are at my mom's elementary school, in her office. She happens to be a Principal. The reason I’m back at home this fine labor day weekend is because I was unfortunate enough to be born in September. Yes I am still seventeen. Back to what I was thinking about. oh yeah I am home now because I need to have my parent's permission to do the experimental research for this class. I am going back to school on Monday. I feel bad leaving my room in such a mess, but my roommate went to fort worth to visit her best friend at TCU. Gretchen is her name. She is not having such a grand time at school so she convinced Kristin, my roommate, to go up there and visit her. Well I only have ten minutes left to type. I am so glad you don't plan to read these assignments because the typographical errors are plentiful. My sister is such a dork. she is singing everything that she would normally speak. She graduated from the University of Texas. (along with her husband) She keeps asking me if I am excited about going to school at UT. Of course I am. She wishes she had majored in Theatre. Don't get me wrong she loves teaching, but her first love was the theatre. I need to get organized. I still haven't called my friends to go hang out with them, and I have been home for a couple of days now. I have no idea why I haven't called. Maybe it's because I know I have a lot of things to do such as homework, or laundry, or last minute items to buy from Wal-Mart. It has nothing to do with not wanting to see them. I guess well I don't know . I guess that's why I am in this psychology class. I always wanted to take psychology in high school, but I never had time to take in my schedule. The psychology teacher was also my honors English teacher my sophomore year. She was a pretty cool lady. Well twenty minutes have passed and as much as I would like to continue chatting with you, but I have a lot of other homework to do. I am also very tired. I stayed up half the night . IT was a sad night learning of Princess Diana's death. I have the chills. | low | low | high | high | low |
It is quiet in my room, Josh is asleep and all I hear is the fountain that I bought at Sam's gurgling and trickling in the background I wonder if it will ever break, no it probably won't because it has a one year warranty the room is cold all of the day except for right now when it is hot outside and warm in here why doesn't the school let us have our own a/c units it is a pretty neat school though, I can't wait until I see my girlfriend, it kinda makes then end of the week have some meaning to me for a change, I don't think I talk that much on the phone, I think it's more like ahh I really don't know, but it's not that much when I type, the fountain's sound kinda melts into the background, and I almost forget that it's there, and then when I stop it comes back again, I guess my mind focuses on the clicking of the keys, and once they stop, then it tunes in to aural noise it's only been 8 minutes and I feel like I've been typing for a really long time, I wonder if the kids who were putting up a fit about having to use the computers for this assignment are actually going to do it, my mom's that way about computers, it's not so hard to get a hang of, besides, it beats writing on paper for sure I think I need some more paper for the printer and then a new computer and a guitar I hope I win the lottery so I can buy the computer and the guitar, I think I can swing the paper, though man, they weren't kidding about poor college kids, I never thought I would actually be subsisting on 6 hours of sleep and those damn Ramen noodle cups that I'm sure are poisoning me even as I speak or rather type, but at least they aren't as poisonous as Jester food I think there was some human in that burger I just ate, my stomach knows for sure what it ate, but I just can't figure out what it is maybe I should order Chinese food and hope fully there won't be real Chinese people in it because that would probably upset my stomach too I really don't like people who eat people but I dislike people who eat tarantulas even more, that was so gross seeing them on the sticks at the natives roasted them over the fire actually, I like the Discovery channel quite a bit, it sure beats the dumb talk show about love triangles between a man and two dogs of different sexes that type of stuff pollutes the airwaves much like a sort of flying landfill I wonder where all the trash is going to go in the near future, I think they should make the criminals eat it or recycle as much of it as they can I think my room puts out more coke cans than the entire state of Texas but at least we recycle them back home I get money for doing it but here I just get sticky fingers and a desire to drink another coke I wonder if you could put a pool table in here, that would be cool and so would a tiger, I always wanted a tiger, one of those black and white bengals but I would have to get it fixed and declawed and maybe dull it's teeth or something I think if I had one then nobody would complain because it is a tiger after all, and I could say sic-em and the tiger would bite off their heads or something now I really wand a tiger, but I would settle for some neons in my fish tank, I wonder where they are sold. . . . | high | low | high | high | low |
As I am sitting in the computer room at the Castillion, I am thinking of how dull and boring this room is. The walls are a dull gray color and I am all by myself. The chairs are scattered unorderly throughout the room. I am now trying to decide about what I should do for this weekend. I told my parents I was leaving here Thursday night but I now realized I have a sorority function that night and also on Friday. I then thought about leaving Friday afternoon, but that would mean missing the UCLA game on Saturday. I also have a sorority field day on Sunday which is not mandatory, so I think I am just going to go home Friday night and miss the game Saturday and also the field day Sunday. My classes this year are overwhelming. I am so swamped with work that I'm worried it will not all get done. When I leave this weekend, I hope to get some studying done considering the Castillion is one big party 24 hours a day and it is very difficult to sleep here. I wish people would take others views in mind and be a little more considerate instead of knocking on your door drunk beyond belief at 3:00am on a Tuesday night. I am going to eat at Subway as soon as I'm finished with this paper because I'm starving and I can't concentrate very well. I have about 7 pages to read in philosophy tonight and about 25 pages in biology. This is such a big difference than in high school when you didn't even have to pick up a book to make an "A" in an honors class. I know that some of my friends are going to have a tough time here at UT because their parents were so protective over them and now that they are on their own with 6th street so close, they are going to go crazy. Some already have. My roommate here is great. I grew up with her and we get along very well. I am lucky considering there have been several problems with rooming situations in our dorm. The mail situation at this dorm is terrible. My father sent me an overnight package and it didn't arrive until one week later. The food at this dorm is good though. Well my time is now up and I am going to go eat, finally. | high | low | high | high | high |
In the eighteen years of my life I've realized that man is either born without a conscience or with one. I was born with one. In my heart I bleed at the injustices of the world, of the rights taken from humans because they had not the power. What is more distressing comes not from the fact that the injustice is so evident but because of the powerlessness of the victim. I believe that education can free a man. An educated society becomes more aware. It can offer self-esteem, knowledge, influence, and the voice to speak out. It has become my belief that I or anyone else who is willing can make a difference. The conscience in me longs to make a difference. To scream at the top of my lungs, "This is wrong! You are wrong! Give back his rights! Give back what does not belong to you!" but I know in the bottom of my heart that humans, no matter how hard they may try will never rid the earth of its total harshness, because some men were born with feeling and some without. This gives no excuse for not trying to make a change for the better because with every change, an initiation must begin. Though my eyes see the sorrow of the world, I am a person who strives to look for the positive in people. My first encounter with an individual has me searching and finding his good qualities. More likely I am opt to say something good about a person rather than bad. Within me I feel no intimidation toward others strengths and I take pleasure in finding and praising someone else's gifts. Determination is the driving force of my soul. Being perceptive of other's nature has allowed me to see that it takes more than intelligence to reach a goal. I know only if I want it can be done and within my veins is a spirit that keeps me aiming to reach the top. It seems forever that I have expected highly of myself. With every aspect of my life I feel a certain pull to be the best I can be. Rarely do I accept being less. My love of knowledge and natural curiosity arrives from my need to grasp my world to better understand it. I cannot accept just reading new knowledge. It is utterly important for me to comprehend it as well. This allows me to know the unknown, to conquer all the earth's secrets for I do not like being put in the dark. I must see all things with my eyes, my heart, and my brain. This gives me confidence and strength. Hopefully, I will conquer all my fears, build my character, and use it to make a difference in the world. | low | high | high | low | low |
stream of consciousness - well, The first thing that comes to mind is why exactly do I have to do this? I know college is going to be more difficult than high school, but projects like this don't have any meaning to me, honestly. I am wondering what will become of me after my collegiate studies. I want to become a doctor but then again I want to be a musician too. I mean I have been playing the piano, singing, acting, speaking, directing bands, and performing for almost all of my life. I want to continue but a part of me is saying - You need to become a doctor because you love biology, anatomy, and physiology; you can be financially secure if you become a doctor! I want to tell myself don't worry about it and what happens will happen. I don't know what to write about anymore! I'm laughing at myself because whatever I am typing I am literally reading it out loud to myself as I write it. I'm thinking is that normal? Anyway, I'm now listening at the keys of the keyboard and the sound that they make, and I am amazed as just how fast I type without formal or informal training. I then think about how blessed I am to be here in college with the opportunity to follow my dreams, once I figure out which dream is possible or realistic. How do I know that my major is the right one? I mean, I am now a microbiology/pre-med ,major and I don't know if that's my fate. Should I be in the college of fine arts and the school of music attempting to become a vocalist which is my other dream for myself. I am looking at how long I have been typing. Only 13 minutes. The phone just rang and I had to answer it; I hate that happened because I was interested to find out what this paper would end up like if I would write continuously. What am I talking about? Well, anyway, I enjoy music and stage. I like volleyball and am very upset that there aren't any male teams in high school or college that are competitive with other schools. My contacts are bothering me; somehow I have the ability to blink awkwardly and move my contact around so that they feel somewhat more comfortable. well, I was just disturbed for about 15 minutes because one of my friends came over to ask how to install his Ethernet card. But guess what I am almost done . I just have a few more minutes. I don't what to write about. I hope that this class is going to be very beneficial. I hope to learn alot because psychology, esp. the physiological aspects really interest me. I'm wondering whether or not I will get an "A" this semester for PSY 301. Well, I'm done! | high | high | high | high | low |
Well I was a little worried about using the Internet because I have never used before. I have used e-mail last year a little but for the most part this is a whole new experience to me. Today has been a good day I really enjoy my Monday and Wednesday class schedule. Except for the fact that I do have to get up at 7:30, but that is actually a good thing because my day is done at 10:00am and I have the rest of the day to do primarily whatever I want. I'm a little worried about the amount of stress that college has been. It is entirely not that bad because I do tend to be a organized person and good with managing my time. Although I do have to admit the reason why it has probably been so hard to get back on track this year is because my Senior year in high-school I got that little thing called "senioritis". I was hoping to be able to do this assignment from my computer in my dorm room, but the communications company has had a hard time getting my Ethernet Link set up. This is kind of nice though coming to the Undergraduate Library and getting acquainted with their systems. I have not decided what I am going to do this weekend, because it is one of my really good high-school friends birthday and she is going to school at A&M University. So therefore a lot of my friends are going to go down to College Station and surprise her. I really want to go but I want to stay here and go to the football game that is if I get a date. Which as of now I don't have one, but I am in a sorority here on campus and we have a mixer tonight with a fraternity so maybe I will get lucky and someone will ask me. Anyhow though these little events such as a mixer kind of make me uncomfortable because my boyfriend goes to school at Louisiana State University and it's strange trying to interact with other guys. Well I think I completely said that wrong it is not hard at all to interact with the opposite sex, but we decided mutually that we needed to try and date other people and not stay completely focused on someone who is 8 hours away. Anyhow this is really strange this assignment because I keep getting this urge to go back and re-word what I have just said. I do realize the point of the assignment and that is not what matters. I am really hoping that I have a great first semester at college. I am already enjoying it tremendously but I am a little nervous about the academics. My father will not allow me to bring my car up here until "my grades have proven worthy" as he says. I thought that was going to be a big deal but everywhere you go is within walking distance so it truly doesn't matter. Well I just glanced at my watch and it has been 23 minutes so I will be going back to my room now. | low | low | low | high | low |
this week is the most religious week in my religion. I haven’t been fasting like I should be. it's gets kind of difficult being in school and all . but maybe I should try harder. I mean, aren't I supposed to be responsible enough to handle things on my own. my parents sent me off to college hoping I can learn to be more responsible and independent. maybe I’ll try to fast tomorrow. actually, I have been kind of bad lately. I have been eating things I should not be. and I have also been eating after dark. I wonder . how much am I going to pay for this later? I mean in terms of sins and punishments. I am, basically, a decent human being. many other people think so. but then again, it matters what I think and if I think I am a descent person. well am I. or not? I am . but I could be a lot better. -guess everybody can. but oh well . why do I stress about little things so much? maybe I get it from dad. he always gets uptight over little things. man, come to think of it, I act like dad a lot. I mean I get aggravated at little things, I have, more or less, the same morals and practices. I gotta stop stressing so much or I am not gonna be able to handle college too well. it seems like I try to seem calm and collected in presence of other people, but in reality I’m stressed. I seem to have a lack of self confidence. but at times, I feel more confident about myself than ever. is that uncommon? I dunno. my lack of self confidence really does bother me. and it affects the way I am perceived by my peers. some people, like my friend *******, I mean you can just tell by the way he talks and carries himself, that is extremely confident and secure about himself. I want to be like that but I also need to be who I am, you know? I go through phases of feeling high and low self esteem. I think my brother has a lot of effect on me. it seems like I’m always feeling less confident about myself when I am around him. he has a great way of bringing out the worst in me and making me feel like crap. he does well too. butt he only does it to his family. isn’t that weird? to everybody else he is a terrific guy. but little do they know that he treats his loved ones the worst. or so it feels like it. but I never have the guts to stand up to him. why don't I. it's because I’m not confident of who am and what I stand for and what I want to be. and <----- that really, I mean really bothers me. and until I figure all that out, ill continue to feel just I am feeling now, maybe worse. my brother is always in the back of my mind. if I buy a shirt, will he get mad that it costs too much, or I already had one like it, or I don’t need another one. I hate him being on my shoulder in every thing I do. how can I get him out of my head. some time I wish he wasn’t so smart and intelligent. then maybe he'd respect me for my own person, not the way he is or the way he wants me to be, maybe like an equal, maybe like a brother, and not a puppet. man I got some problems with myself. but I guess everyone does, right? what make mine so much more important than others? at least I have my health, great family, money, an education, shelter, food. where am I inside myself. I must know. I’m dying to find out so I can get on with my life - with some meaning and reason. I feel chaos . | high | low | high | high | high |
clicking of the keyboards, a bunch of freshman psy 301 students. pennebaker glasses. the computer man has a dark and conservative sense of humor? who cares. people smelling the library books. Korean couples. It is twice that I said today about two different people that I hardly know these people, but I really miss them. The computer proctor's laugh is the same as always, like an unusual yet common icon that. keyboards. I feel like a small ant in a row of computers. the library hums. shelves of books to hide in. humid outside. my roommate and Luke. she's happy? She really misses her friends. he laughed again. he has a strange sense of humor. low voice. I have no structure or purpose to my thoughts because I came to the computer with no purpose but catching the breathing patterns of my thoughts. backpack, lunch box. zipper. cough. school supplies. the table is smooth and shiny, like in all typical libraries. Shara was here last time. Ashley Odem at the tower. Aren't they categorizing me? it doesn't seem so. there must be some kind of positive--computer beep, boring monochromatic computer games, 10pm at a church person's house, old kids that are nice and well-rounded. Jan reminds me of a deer. her boyfriend is spazmatic, if that is a word. talking. abelardo ireguas. esther has this distinct smell--like her house--not necessarily bad. short guy's hoarse voice. phobia. short "dancing-man's weird son". carrot, pickles? what does he remind me of? screen doors? who cares. she is always tired and kind of moody, and I really really hope it is not contagious. woman wearing yellow and short hair. science. Mrs. Smith. biology lab. Mrs. pitts is colorful. she laughs at the right times. she has a bunny nose. computer, two guys who know my parents. I must stop smoking, I can't stop. I made it worse! Why did I say that to what's his face, back in Arlington? He may think I'm a moron. He's a moron. no, it's okay. finger stuck in elevator. shara has a helpless look on her face. the Blacklock twins, facial hair, boring people, volleyball. Hospital air. mommy--So fragile. organization of shelves. computer grunts when it thinks. keyboard. I don't feel like writing long and comprehensive sentences because I have nicotine in my system. computer beep, boring monochromatic computer games. I don't explore on computers, I can't. perfectionist. I will get rid of that! it's a waste of time. BALANCE. church on Fri and Sun, will I blend and belittle the past? yes? yes. Structure. plastic mug, sunny and old porch. Submit, in a nice. I'm irritated. okay, she looked away. I’m still irritated. I hate it when I’m irritated! my mom irritates me, some peoples heads irritate the life out of me, if they act like my mom. computer, worthless projects. I’m irritated. I’m irritated, like only being pierced by a fire would alleviate it. I sometimes hate it when I lose control, but it is sometimes fun. paranoia. lose track of time and dimension that all people share and get into my own mode, like falling off into space, and then I get paranoid when people have a blank stare, or silence. whatever. no, not whatever. I must stop thinking in wasteful cycles! I--there's that laugh again. I think he's funny. I just know I’ll run into him again! I just know it. some foreign setting (in the United States). me happy and self-conscious. that laugh again! it's sunny outside, and gross picnic food, trees, breeze. backpack, voice, tall guy, it's already been twenty minutes, but I can't stop. I wish I could do both assignments today! I don't understand why I can't. Peeping shelves. harmony. trendy crap. woman laugh like mid-thirties with a freckled tan and sunglasses and I gotta go be a semi-perfectionist. I had fun. key | high | low | low | high | high |
Okay. I'm in the stupid SMURF lab. there are so many people here. I saw Brian downstairs. Sometimes he worries me. He met a new guy the other day and already had sex with this guy. I don't know if he used protection or not. but it worries me. He's so. so. spontaneous about things. I don't ever really know if he thinks things through. He just does as he pleases which isn't a bad thing. but it can be dangerous. I wish he'd just look at himself and what he's doing and decide if it's the right or wrong thing to do. He doesn't need to be going around having sex with whomever whenever. He knows and I know that he's a whore. It's not a surprise to anyone. But, he doesn't care. so it seems. Of course, I call him a whore jokingly but in a way I'm serious about it. He knows what can happen to him and it sucks that he doesn't care. Man. Men!!! Men suck! Josh needs to realize that I will never be with him again. He thinks things will change. he's so wrong. For two years I had to put up with his shit and all his lies. There is no way in hell I'd ever even give a second thought to going back out with him. He knows he's an asshole and I let him know that a long time ago. How dare he even bring up the idea of us getting back together. He's a 12 year old trapped in a 24 year old's body. He has no idea what a good relationship is and he doesn't know the meaning of trust. He needs to grow up and realize that he can't always get what he wants. and when he can't get it he needs to just give up and move on with his pointless life. I've moved on and he needs to realize that. I'm not there to be at his beck and call and I'm not there to just be there when no one else is. He lost whatever respect I had for him a long long long time ago. Why is it that I always seem to get stuck in the worst situations when it comes to relationships? Hell. let's see my record thusfar: hmmm, Josh is the asshole, Jay was just a jerk, Seth is the only man I ever loved and he's in California, Craig was someone that I could consider a "summer love". but he's at another college. Well, screw it!! I need to concentrate on getting all A's and B's this year so I can get that free plane ticket to anywhere in the US. Plus, I get $50/A!! I need the money. I'm poor now and I have bills to pay! Damnit all to hell. bills!!! Responsibility!! Yeah, I have responsibilities as an adult but I don't think the 'rents realize that. I'm 19 years old. 20 in April. yet I'm still a little girl who can't do anything right for shit according to them. What the hell do they know? I'm not living with them now and they don't see how hard I work to get where I am and how hard I try to be social, to get the education I need, and to get a job worth having in this freakin' town!! It's hard to find a job. but I've done it. And what do they say when I tell them this? "that's nice". What is that? Why don't they just tell me how they really feel. "Oh, well, that's still not the real world so it doesn't count" I swear they piss me off. My mom is the worst. She wants to lecture me about dishonesty and all that shit. Well, HELLO! Guess who's fixin' to eat her words!! I caught her smoking this past weekend. Yep. right there by the side of the house puffin' away like a chimney. What was that you said mom? You quit smoking? Right. and I was so proud of you! All that's blown to hell now. So, I caught her. and what did Miss "Liane, I can't trust you" do? Well, she decides to kiss my ass to try and make up for her lie. Yes sir! She bribed me with four 60-minute phone cards and $50. OH and she even told me that I could just pay for my speeding ticket without having to take the class. . Yes, that means it would go on my record but "oh, that's okay. it's not much more on your insurance. Besides, we just got a load of money back from the insurance company because of our good driving records". Oh yeah. she was brown-nosing BIG TIME. I have lost a lot of respect for her for doing that. I don't know whether I should just forget about it and let her do what she will or tell my dad and have him deal with it. I swear. this world is nothing but a big mass of contradictions! I'm not saying that I'm perfect. but I've learned over the past few years about what I want out of life and what I don't want. I'm living my life the way I want to. as stress-free as possible and as happy as possible. When I'm put into these stupid situations it just makes life that much harder and it sucks! I'm so tired of looking at this computer screen. I think it's about time for me to stop thinking. Yep. it is about that time. Thank God. Now I have to go help Brian with his Spanish work that he swore was gonna be "SOOOO EASY". I knew he'd have trouble. and I knew he would turn to me. I'm no bilingual. but what the hell. I do what I can to help my friends out. I've been called "too nice"? How the hell can someone bee "too nice"????????? | low | high | high | high | low |
O. K. Here I am in the computer lab in my dorm. I really do not know what to say because I have never had an assignment like this before. Anyway, college life is very different from my high school life. I do no t drink therefore being with a complete different crowd of people, I find myself being very uncomfortable. I suppose once I get settled and used to my new surroundings that everything will be fine. Don't get me wrong, I love UT. I could not wait to get here, it is just the whole different atmosphere. I have met a lot of interesting people so far and I am sure there are many left to find and meet. My classes are so much more time consuming than I ever expected. I joined a sorority this year and now I never seem to have any time to myself. Then there is the whole boyfriend situation. My boyfriend goes to A&M. Real convenient right. I miss him so much when I am here. He is the best person I have ever met in my entire life. His generosity, compassion, sensitivity, and love amaze me. I am so happy when I am with him. He is coming tomorrow to see me. Needless to say I am counting down the hours and minutes until he arrives. I have so much planned for us to do. I am fine being with out him. Long distance relationships are harder than you think they would be. We are making it work however. I have never trusted anyone as much I do him. I think it is the same with him. I am not nervous about him being in a different town or setting - I know he would never do anything to hurt. It is just the whole being apart thing. it has only been two weeks since we have seen each other. Sounds like a short time to everyone else but they just do not understand. that is another thing. I do not think many people understand me. My boyfriend, Jay does- very well- it is almost scary well he knows and understands me. it also provides comfort though. I cannot believe this whole paper has turned into a description of my life with my boyfriend. Anyway, he is coming tomorrow like I said and I cannot wait. Next weekend I am going home to Lufkin. Jay is going with me. I was on drill team and will be returning to the homecoming game. It will be a nice break from the hectic college world. I miss my bed. there is something about YOUR bed. the ones here are not the same. I miss my dog too. She is so sweet and loving. She used to sleep with me and now there is not a lump in the foot of my bed. Well I believe my time is up. this was fun. I have never sat down and written out my thoughts and feelings - I think it helps! | low | high | high | high | high |
this is by far one of the most interesting assignments I have ever had to do not the first stream of consciousness assignment, rather the first time I have ever submitted anything to an instructor via the web. this technology is absolutely amazing and exciting because it is potentially so very dangerous. it is as if no one is safe anymore. I am very hungry right now and I could really use a lunch break, but there never seems to be any time to afford that type of luxury. I am writing this in the student microcomputer facility and there are a whole lot of computers in this place, I guess they need this many to accommodate 40. 000 plus students, this sure is a big school but there are a lot of advantages that come with that. I am beginning to wonder if this class is simply a tool for all of the psychological researchers at this school. it is obvious that one of the reasons UT has one of the best research departments in the country is that they take advantage of a class that at one point or another every student at this place has to take. this provides for an enormous field from which to gather information. in its own way it is rather sneaky. however, it is not necessarily a bad thing. I am actually thinking of being a psy major. I think I may double major with a BA in music and another liberal arts degree . I sure am glad I switched out of my performance major. I just didn’t want to compromise my love of music for the narrow path I was treading. there was simply no t enough room for my own creativity to get involved. my stomach is becoming impatient with me. 20 minutes is a lot longer than it seems. it would be interesting to read different responses to this assignment because I bet that a lot of people think about a lot of different things. . in a class of five hundred it would be hard to have one general make-up. this keyboard is very stiff and rather annoying to type on . oh well. I wonder how much money is spent on computers at this school every year. I don’t want to think about it. it is strange being a sophomore in a class with so many freshmen. at least I know what to expect. I am gradually running out of things to write. this type of writing forces you to think about what you are thinking about which is a very strange concept. I think the radio show went well last night I hope to get all of the technical kinks worked out by nest week so that we don’t look so incompetent. I don't think I spelled that right. just goes to show that most of your primary education is soon forgotten. probably why they don’t hire people right out of fourth grade. my roommate’s hair is orange and pink right now and he wants to bleach those colors out and make it purple. I told him that no one would take him seriously that he needed to be serious about his non-conformity. that word is soooo overused and really annoying. sort of like the e-coli scare or playing the race card. we live in a society of sheep who blindly follow whatever is hip and chic without ever questioning what they are doing. this stream of consciousness is about to come to an end due to the fact that my 20 minutes are just about up if any one had to actually read this, I apologize for the sloppy spelling, bad grammar and weak syntax. I guess that's what being a TA is all about, huh? | high | high | high | high | low |
I am very frustrated with this computer. I am the most computer illiterate person, and for this day and age, that is no good. I want to check my e-mail but it is telling me my password is incorrect. I am famished right now. I have had this job on my mind all day. I really want to teach dancing but she wants me to teach tap along with ballet, jazz, and cheerleading. I am not the most qualified person to teach tap and I feel I would be doing my students a great injustice be teaching that class. Also she has me working on Saturdays and if I ever want to go home I will have to find a substitute teacher. This is going to take up a lot of my time and as a freshman I need to make the grades. Especially around finals I will need time to study and that is when the studio is going to have a winter show. That means I would have to choreograph six dances and find music. But the thing is I really want to teach dancing like I did back home. This is such a hard decision because I already accepted the job and I feel bad backing out on Sherri, the owner. I guess after writing all of this out there are more cons than pros. My friend Chad is sitting next to me and he keeps asking me how to spell words. He is interrupting my train of thought. I love typing on computers I just don't know too much about them. I really want to check my e-mail. My dad me something and I would like to read it. I think I'm hungry for Chinese food tonight. But chips and hotsauce sound so good. Really I think I want Italian. I can always eat Italian food. I guess it is since I am almost 100% Italian. The food a Jester is really bad. I have been living off tuna and speghettios that I keep in my room. You know I think I'm going to quit my job that I just got two days ago. I really need to call her right now but I'm at the Flawn, so I will do it when I get home. My arm is kind of hurting from typing. Maybe I have carpal tunnel syndrome. Just kidding. I was looking for the submit button but I'm not sure which one it is. I'll have to ask Chad. He is my boyfriend and my best friend. I wasn't sure if I would want a boyfriend my first year of college, but right now I am glad I have him. I think a lot of it is we are more like friends most of the time. Or really a lot like brother and sister. But I love him. Well I have a lot of other homework and studying I can be doing so this is the end of my thoughts. Well those will never end but this is the end of me recording them. Bye! | low | high | high | low | high |
I'm sitting here at my boyfriend's place, and I am hungry. That's about the biggest thing on my mind right now. When I have to write my thoughts down, I just can't seem to know what I feel at that specific moment. Well, I guess, right now I can say I'm thinking more about what I am actually going to type rather than what I am feeling or what kind of emotions I possess. OK, so now my boyfriend is trying to give me ideas on what to write. I, of course, told him that I will write only what is on my mind right now (which is HUNGER). Princess Diana's death just popped into my head. I can't believe she is dead, even though I never paid attention to her. She was just one of those people who I thought would always be in the news until she was ancient. Just a shock. The Hansons are stupid. I just now saw an MTV commercial with them on it. As you can guess, I am not a big fan. I thought they were kind of cute at first, but the more I heard their song, the more I disliked them. Celine Dion needs to come up with some songs of her own. She is always remaking the old ones. All I can say is that she can't sing them as good as the people who first did. I never get E-mail. I know it's my only my first week of school, but I like to get mail. Plus, E-mail is new to me. I've never had an E-mail address before. I was really uncomfortable today when my boyfriend's roommate, girlfriend, and her friends came over. I can never seem to get comfortable around his friends. It's like they scrutinize me. I definitely do not like to be in the spotlight. Well, only if it's for a good thing. Like for an achievement or if I know for sure that I will not be embarrassed. Otherwise, I'd rather just be apart of the crowd or stand in the back. Being uncomfortable is the worst feeling. Oh, goodness! It has been twenty minutes already. Time flew by. I kind of liked doing this. It was kind of a relief to just sit and type and not worry about sticking to a certain topic or subject. | low | high | low | low | high |
Today is the Friday before labor Day. My boyfriend is picking me up and we are going to drive back to Houston. I am excited about going home. My suite mate is also going home this weekend. That is fun. Her parents don't want her to come back so soon. In one way I don't really want to go home either. I am going because I will get to spend time with my boyfriend. His name is Jonathan-by the way. My room mate is sleeping. I kinda feel bad about typing while she is sleeping, but I have things I need to get done. One of those things involves typing. She has been really mood lately as far as people being quite. She needs to understand that living with three people is hard. I have Flower from Bambi on my desk. I got her from my boyfriend. I collected all of the McDonald's toys. I had all the characters from Bambi except Flower. I don't remember why I mentioned that to him, but he went to an Antique store and found Flower! It was really sweet. He gave it to me when I was sick. We have a really good relationship. It is really hard being away from him. We have only been dating for three months, but we have spent every hour of every day of those three months together. There was only one day we spent apart. He went to his dad's house. He went there early in the morning. I was really tired that day. I don't remember what I did but I was tired after. It was a long day with out him. I think my friends started to feel neglected because I was spending so much time with Jonathan. Most of them understood. I did make time for them-but just not as much time as I was spending with them before Jonathan and I were together. My friend Jessica and I got into a big fight because I was spending so much time with Jonathan. That was part of the problem. The other part of it was that she stopped taking her Prozac. Bad move. She really upset me. We going in a fight at 3rd period and I was crying at 4th. I went to talk to a friend of both mine and Jessica's about the situation. Jessica showed up and started yelling at me even more. I was none too happy. Lauren told me that Jess was under alot of stress because of family problems and other things. I didn't understand why she couldn't be happy for me. Jonathan was my first real boyfriend. Jess has gone through many. I am always happy and supportive of them and her relationships. For once I wish she could do the same for me. It has all worked out now and Jessica and I have talked. We are friends again. That is good. I hate it when people are mad at me. I do not do well with enemies. My mommy always taught me to never make enemies. I still call my mom mommy. I don't know why. It is just one of those things. One of Shoshana's friends would tease me about that. That's OK. I'm well over that! I have my next class at 2-3. I don't know what I will do until then. I think I might do some of my work-but that is not likely. I think I will return some e-mail and stare at the walls. I'm good at that! It's my hobby, next to sleeping! Until next time I have to type-I think I will go now! | low | high | high | high | high |
I am so down in the dumps right now because I have just broken off a two year relationship. I seriously hope I didn't just throw away the best relationship I ever had or will have. I can't help but feel slightly unattractive right now because Mark has already started to get over me quite well and Reid and Eric don't treat me the way they used to. I don’t understand why people can't simply be honest about the way they feel. I probably have spent half of my life wondering what everyone else was thinking. I t is such a waste of time. If I saw a girl and she seemed really nice, I don't see why I couldn’t just go up to her and be like, "hi" And guys won't ever meet a girl with the intention of gaining a friend. The whole process is so much more exasperating than it seems worth at times. The friends I have now are my good friends. I just instantly clicked with them. There wasn't any of this trying not to seem overly eager to hang out with you bullshit that usually goes along with the turf of making new friends. That's sort of why I resent Plano I guess. The stupid system and expectations they have totally just messed me up in the head. I don't have nay self-confidence. It is hard to feel like you are somebody in a class of 1500. I wasn't good at any sports, or at least not good enough to play there. so why did I come to a school with 50000 people full of clicks just like it was in high school? I will probably be perpetually putting on the front of self-confidence and self-assuredness. that’s what sucks about the world. Everybody just bullshits everyone else. People are so insincere and self-serving. I know I am. there are so many rules that govern the group that you belong to. You can't wear what you want or anything. I am not saying that I don't like the way that I look but every now and then it would be cool to go out in what I want to wear or whatever and I could know that people weren't talking about it behind my back. Looking at my thoughts on screen makes me so ashamed of them. I'm nit a bad person. I just kive up to every part of the whole Greek system that ever gave it a bad name. rush is such a load of crap. everyone acts like they know or care who you are. it all turns out to be the same people in the same crowds that they ran around with in high school. I wish the rest of the work wasn't like this too. But I guess is doesn’t matter where you go because it will always be the same old bullshit. pretty girls date the cutest boys who have the good luck to bring home the big bucks to raise their kids in an upper middle class lifestyle. so it goes. Kurt vonnegut really knew what was up. That's why I like him because he doesn't preach all this "the sun will come up tomorrow crap" he knows that if the sun comes up tomorrow you will probably get a really bad sunburn and die of skin cancer in the end. I hope mark doesn’t meet any girls at this party I just don't want it to be too late to have him back once I get this whole lifestyle change thing out of my system. | low | high | low | low | high |
To think about what life has become can be kind of scary. I wish I had a penny for every time I was about to mess up and I think I would be a very rich woman. If I only knew at 15 what I now know at almost 21, I could have saved myself alot of pain and confusion. Then couldn't we all have? I get scared sometimes when I think about today, two weeks from now and even years from now. The future is a very scary thing especially when you don't know what it could bring. I wish I hadn't made some of the choices I've made but those are over and done with aren't they. The only thing I need to learn how to do now is to learn from my mistakes. I feel really bad sometimes because I try to force my ideas and ideologies on those younger than me but I feel older and wiser than my years. I feel alot older than 20 sometimes yet I think, " hey I'm only 20, I have so much life to live" Yet I'm scared to live that life. I wish I could just go with the flow instead of worry about every choice I make all the time. Even when I go with the flow I don't know what I'm doing and then I worry about what could happen after the fact. Another thing that really bothers me is the whole concept of love. What is it and how do I know if I've found it or not. When I was 15 I knew alot more about love than I do now. Why do I ramble on so, it is the same dilemma and the same problems I face every single day. I really should just give up and go with the flow. not worry about things so much. Life's too short to worry right,. All I'm doing is stressing myself out over nothing. Stress is not something I should have in my life. My whole world is sheltered and taken care of and paid for. What do I really have to worry about. Not that my dad doesn't have stipulations on what I do but it is all basically taken care of with no questions asked. Life shouldn't be that easy right? Maybe that's why I continue to torture myself with these unnecessary dilemmas. I'm one of those drama people to I need drama in my life, something always going on or I get bored. I need conflict but not too much because then I get way too stressed out. I just don't know what to do with daddy's little girl who seems really messed up in the head, There I go again creating drama, I'm not really messed up but sometimes I try to convince my self that I am to try to get counseling or something. I think it's a hidden Freudian issue. I should have had counseling when I was a child but I never got it because I didn't really need it. Maybe I was really traumatized as a child and now it's coming out subliminally. Ok enough kelly, this is not like you. I really don't think all of this I just do sometimes. Who knows I sure as hell don't. My dog is so cute now. too bad I don't live with him. I want to be taken care of pampered in a way, just plain babied. That's what should happen for women isn't it. No we should be strong and independent but I don't really feel that way. I would love to live a life similar to my mom's. She isn't as taken care of as I would like to be but my daddy does all right by her. Who knows what life will bring maybe I will quit thinking about it. oh. the clock on my computer says I've been typing for twenty minutes. Cool this is a really good stress reliever and I really felt like I was talking to someone. Cya | high | low | high | high | high |
I really don't like doing homework. How many hours of my life have been spent doing homework? I'm sure the number is unreal. Of course the only time I actually think about mundane things like how many hours I've spent doing homework is when I'm doing something really boring like. well homework. Its really warm in my room. I guess I'll have to go down and get another maintenance request form. There's something seriously wrong with our air-conditioning which is just not a good thing in Austin, Texas in the summer. The last time the maintenance man came, he turned the vents down toward the floor. This was his ingenious plan. Great. Needless to say, that didn't work. So back down to the dorm office I go. Joy of my life. I really wish I was in the mountains. We missed our hiking trip this summer because we were to busy showing horses. We went to Canadian Nationals, but surprise, the horse show was located in the only existing ugly portion of Canada. Oh well, I'll have to focus on our Christmas skiing trip and think of the cold snow as I sit in my sweltering room. Well twenty minutes is up. I'm gone. | high | high | low | high | high |
I will now try to track my cluttered and random thoughts. as they occur. I am thinking of the love of my life; my girlfriend. We have been together for quite a while and I am truly excited to be a part of her life. I wonder how much longer we will stay together, because I am hoping that my neurotic and almost unbearable tantrums won't strip us apart from each other. Anyway, I try desperately not to think of such negative possibilities, yet they plague my mind sometimes. I have just taken a glimpse of my surroundings. I have a gorgeous view to my right. two large windows forming a 90 degree angle provide a soothing sight. Everything seems tranquil outside, since I am not part of it right now. Everyone looks pleasant and kind, although once I leave this room I know very well that those same serene faces I saw from my fourth story view are far from angelic creatures waiting to befriend someone like me. I like having the security of this window quite a lot. It isn't as if I seclude myself from the rest of the world at all times, or even want to for that matter, but when life is overwhelming in its abusive tendencies, a break from the constant interactions of it can be appreciated. I am more of a solitary person in these respects. I like to be alone. I like to have the opportunity to just think and think until my mind swells with confusion, questions and lack of answers. I can only speculate why things are the way they are, but this is what I am good at. I like to think without anyone pestering me with questions or remarks of disapproval. I play along with the narrow-minded each and every day and the jeers and taunting that accompanies such individuals. My privacy keeps me sane and feeds my need to vent any emotional clogging. These people who seem so distant from people like me are the same people I am left to befriend, because unfortunately, like any other human being of this world, I need friendship, companionship. It is a necessity. I hate to admit it, simply because I want to view myself as some sort of rebel or ultra independent, yet I know this to not be true. Yet, time after time I find that it is terribly difficult to maintain friends because I am left with people in college(the most convenient to meet) and I have had so little in common with such people. The cycle repeats and repeats. I am late for a class now because I wrote this damn thing, but this is my fault for not watching the time more closely. When I start to ramble about my life I REALLY RAMBLE about my life. Advantage or disadvantage???? I don't know yet. At least I can listen to others. good reason to be a psychology major, right? | high | low | low | low | high |
I’m sitting here drinking a beer. what is that picture on my desk-I stole this calculator from a party and I don’t know why-I feel so bored- I've been doing homework all day and it's labor day-what a waste there are tons of people by the pool and I want to go there-its scary though what am I going to eat for dinner-I think that I’m getting fat-I drink too much and am not exercising enough my girlfriend doesn’t want me to order playboy-what’s up with that- she also wont let me smoke my life is controlled-I don’t think that I want to be an engineer anymore-they make lots of money but it might be boring I worked all summer and then had to spend all my money paying my lawyer- I hate lawyers they're scum-I hate fratboys too-although I wish I was in a frat I don’t know anyone at this school-I want to transfer to atm because I know lotsa of people there I have a scholarship here though that I cant just leave. my shoulder is hurting-its from leaning over this keyboard-this has got to be the easiest writing assignment of my life I normally hate writing assignments-I definitely am not going to do that research paper why does this page have no ending width-these sentences are getting really long when am I going to finish my other hw? I missed the first two days of one of my classes and now I don’t even know what the hw assign are. the gate outside my window keeps opening and makes this squeaking noise my roommate is worthless-he’s supposed to get our dishwashing rack and get the exterminator to come but he's too lazy and all that he does is sit around and play his computer game I just looked at the clock and its only been 10 minutes-20 minutes is a long time when you are thinking about it-I remember when I played soccer 40 minutes seemed like 4 hours especially when you were losing I wonder what my family is doing right now-I miss my brother-he’s going to come to school here next year-I cant decide if we should live together or what-it would be a lot of fun I don’t know if I could handle another year in the dorms-they suck especially the bathrooms and the food-actually everything about them is bad- I wonder if anyone is going to be able to read my typing I don’t type like I’m supposed to. I only use about half of my fingers and I don’t use any particular order most of my words look misspelled because I hit the wrong key first aha-15 minutes-only five more to go I wonder if everyone counts down the minutes in their papers-I bet that about 90 percent of the students write a line about how much time has passes ,etc my neck is really starting to hurt now-I worked on the computer all summer-8 hours a day but my neck still isn’t used to it I wonder how many words I've typed so far my brain seems to be at a standstill-should I get drunk tonight? do labs start tomorrow I hope not I love punching the enter key it feels like I've accomplished something every time it gets punched my friends ought to be here pretty soon of course they’ll want to get drunk its so quiet in here-I’m glad I have a computer and didn’t have to go all the way to the ugl have I almost filled up the entire page-it looks like I’m almost at the bottom I am almost there-I guess that’s why you made the width unending time up | low | high | high | low | high |
As I write this paper I am still filled with the stress, but know gets much worse. I have been hired for a job, and I am still pondering if it is possible to handle both a job and school. I guess you can call it greed about money, but I need it to stay here. I am also thinking that this to easy. College is supposed to be hard, and yet my hardest class is my Microeconomics. With all this stress I still have the one thought in my head. What if I was not born? Would it be less stressful? This is not a suicide letter, but the thought of me not being born always enters my mind. Is life nothing but work and school, or is it much more. I do not know I guess I am always thinking about the negative aspects of life. The world is not like peaches and cream. Tonight is a busy night. I have to do my laundry, and do some reading. I guess I am psyching myself out. And yet I am alone in a city that is surrounded by my burden. I do not know what the point of writing this. I guess I need the grade, but even then I wish why I can not be truly happy about my life. To think that some where around the world somebody is happy, and it makes me sick to think about that. Life is not fun and games it is a weary journey that must be gone through, but I can't rest my feet until I am done and gone. | low | low | low | low | high |
I'm pissed. I just sat here for twenty fuckin' minutes thinking I'm all bad ass and shit, trying to do this assignment and all along I was doing it wrong. Oh well, I really shouldn’t be cussing. I find this rather relaxing in a way. I'm feeling lazy the last couple of days have been very draggy. So right now I'm thinking that I'm a fat, short girl with a high self esteem is that possible? Anyway right now I'm feeling let me think of what I am feeling. I'm feeling exited because I get to go home this weekend. I get to see my boyfriend and family. I was just noticing that I worded that differently. Wrong it's family and boyfriend. I haven’t been home in a while, so it will be great to eat some home cooked food. So do you get some freaked out nutcases in these assignment? I meant to put an 's' but I was too lazy to go back. Yesterday I killed my roommate and her soul will be back to haunt me as I sleep. She was a weird little bitch anyway. I got the kitchen knife and stuck it in her head. I didn't like her head anyway. It was weirdish. And of coarse I'm just joking. I am a pathological, no compulsive liar. Right now I hate my stomach it sucks because it is so damn huge. You see I’m pregnant and it gets in the way sometimes, all the time. That is why I have not been home in such a long time. My dad would strangle me. Yeah so my boyfriend and I had a fling one night, an unprotected fling and this is how I got in trouble. He then left me because he couldn’t handle the publicity, it would be bead for him. seeing as how he's a politician and all his wife would freak, so I got myself a new boyfriend and now he believes that the baby is his. Men are so dumb!!!!!!!! My roommate is always forgetting shit, it's fuckin' annoying the hell out of me I mean you can't carry a fuckin' convo. with the girl I wish could kick her ass right here in front of all these ugly people. They can't stop me I'm mega bitch. She wants to go into mass comm. This is my message to her "GOOD fuckin' luck!!!!!!!!" oh well, I’m calm now. well, I was going to go on but it has been twenty minutes . Yes type very very slow. | low | high | high | high | high |
I love this song. It reminds me of Plano, and when I hung out with my old friends. I wonder where they're at right now? I wonder if they're ok, and if they're doing well at college. Where’s my roommate. He should be back by now. He must be eating. I wonder why this c. d. keeps skipping, I know it's not scratched. I can't wait till tonight. I can't forget about my laundry in twenty minutes. It better still be there when I go for it, or somebody's losing a leg. Actually, I trust most everyone on this floor because they're all pretty cool and I've met most all of them. The guy down the hall, he's pretty cool, he just isn't used to Texas life. the heat yes, since he's from Hawaii, but the people no. Should I rush a frat, or not. There are many great advantages to this, but I really don't want to join a bunch of guys I don't know and find out they're a bunch of losers, or drugees. I guess I'll never know until I decide to join, it's just whether or not I think they're cool. A lot, if not all of my friends, have joined a frat, so I can find out who likes their frat, and who doesn't to figure out which one I'd like to rush or pledge. I'm actually rushing them all, because there is no reason not to. My sister will give me the drop since she went here not to long ago. I'll ask here and get here to help me out because a lot of her friends are alumni's of the better frats. This part of the song is the best. It always makes me feel so happy, like I could do anything. Wait one sec, I have to sing along. Dangit, when is Susan going to call back, there are so many Plano people here in Austin I feel like I'm at high school all over again, just a bigger neighborhood to party in. I don't like driving here to much because there are no medians, and the speed limits aren't posted anywhere. I'm not used to having to drive sooo aggressively here. I mean I always drive aggressively, but I wonder if people here take offensive driving, instead of defensive driving. Now it is time for me to go take a safe walk, since my car is so dang far away. | low | low | high | low | low |
I’m feeling a little stress coming on now, because I’m think about everything I have to do, but have yet to start it. sometimes I can't resist going out with friends and that is really bad, because then I don't have time to study. I don't know what else I’m feeling right now. I’m just sitting in front of a computer in the pcl and typing along. even though the paper doesn't not need correct spelling and stuff, I still go back and correct it(I guess cause it's a habit). right now I’m observing people as they walk by. I really enjoy this assignment, because it helps me to put all my thoughts and feelings on paper, instead of holding them in ( as what I normally do) I generally don't like to tell people my feelings inside, I guess cause I’m very paranoid and I don't trust others with my personal secrets, even if they were really close friends of mine. I can't wait until later(6:00p. m. when I go practice my throwing of footballs. I’m really excited about intramural football. most of the people on my team are really nice. I’m just a little scared about the real games b/c I’m afraid that the guys on the other coed I’m teams will run into me and hurt me. I was really sore this morning, after I woke up b/c of football practice yesterday morning. football practice was pretty fun. I enjoy going through all the drills and practices. at first I wasn't too sure about playing I’m football, but when one of my friends asked me to join her team I was like sure. our team makeup is kinda funny. we have all upperclassmen guys and mainly freshman girls. I just thought that was kinda interesting. well, I’m looking at the clock and it seems like I have five more minutes of writing time. right after I do this assignment, I’m going to go study on the fourth floor. I really don't want to be left behind in my classes. I already am and that's not a good way to start off my college years. in high school I studied constantly and now I rarely get to study b/c there is so much stuff going on and I usually give in to my friends when they want to go do something. I think time really does fly by. before I know it, it's time to go to sleep again I wish I had nothing to worry about. I always wondered what my life would be like if I was rich. it would be much more relaxing I think. well, it's already been twenty minutes and I would write longer, but I really have got to go studying. I can't wait until I get to write paper 2, because I have a lot to say about my college experience so far. | low | low | low | low | high |
well t. Today is Monday and this has been a really shitty day. This is my 5th time to turn in this assignment. Right now I am at my boyfriends house b/c my computer was as getting interrupted by the phone ringing. I did not know how to turn off the call waiting. So every time that I was going to turn in the assignment the phone would ring and I would have to start over. Well let's see I am from midland and I come from a family of 7. there are 3 boys and 2 girls. There names are Carla(25), Ian(23), Tony(20), Tina(me)(19), and then there is jimbo (18 Carla and Ian are my half brother and sister. There last name is Umlauf, there grandfather is Charles Umlauf a sculpturist who passed way not too long ago. Ian and Carla are both graduating in December. Ian is majoring in art, and Carla in Sociology. Carla is also getting married in May. Tony is the majoring in engineering. He is so sweet! Then there is me, a sophomore here at U. T. majoring in Elementary Education. My little brother is Jimbo, he is going to school in Florida in St. Augustine. He is playing baseball at Flagler University. I hope he does well. So all 5 of us are in college right now. Carla Ian Tony and me all go to school here at the university of Texas, and Jimbo in Florida. I have two roommates, they are cousins to each other. I lived with them last year at the dorm. Things are going okay I guess. They can get really annoying sometimes. I am glad that I have my own room so I don't always have to listen to them. Because they are cousins they tell each other anything. I mean that they will fight about anything. They will say things to each other that you normally would not say to a roommate, like you are being a bitch or that looks like shit on you. I don't know I just don't like listening to them all the time. They share a room and I have my own, thank god! I hope things will start settling down! | low | low | low | low | high |
I am pretty up set that this is my second time on this assignment. the computer I did this on the first time disconnected the first time I did this exercise. I wish I had time to do it over yesterday but I had to study. studying is taking up alot of my time. more than I expected I would have to. I didn't know that college would be this tough. Oh' this is my favorite part of Scream. to bad that I have to keep writing. I really dig this assignment. I think it is pretty cool that the ten points is free. T he assignment isn't that hard to do if you can find time. That is one thing that I wish I had more of. I wish that reading come a hell of alot easier than it does. I just wish that the first time would be enough. But for me it isn't. I wish that some times I was as smart as some people I know. the load of school is really beginning to weigh me down. I guess you guys will label that as stress. I always feel that I AM being constantly studied in psy. I always wonder what that would when I do a certain thing or think a certain thought. I really enjoy the class but I am way behind. I have a lot of reading to do in that class . I have alot of catching up to do. Especially in that class I am way behind on the chapters. I just want to have some time to do the things I want to do. I want to go an play basketball and lacrosse or just watch TV. I just want to relax and have fun . Studying sucks. It makes me sick and it never leaves my mind. Always know I should study but I don't. I am so lazy when it comes to doing the tings I have to. Man the moving is getting good but I don't want to tell my roommate to turn it off. I like it to o so I wouldn't to turn it off either. I sure do think this twenty minutes seems to be taking a long time. You think that it would go by quickly but not when you want to do something else. I am really excited about next week when I go to see Nate and Emily in Dallas and Memphis. I hope I CAN get a better car so I can make it. I am also excited about the football game this week when we sit on the 40 in row 5. That's sweet. I think this is taking so long. you guy's should make this 15 or 10 minutes long next time. too bad we couldn't do that for the other two due in December. I am two shy to ask the Prof. in class, maybe after class or before. He'll probably laugh in my face when I suggest it. The last four minutes are taking too damn long I just want to finish and do something else. I want to watch the movie and not study. Studying blows. I wish things were a hell of alot easier. the clock is going to slow. I am sick of writing. this is taking too long to finish. I want to do something else than this poop. the writing is getting very boring. there is another good part of the movie coming up. the movie is pretty good and I have to do this crap. there it went the best part and I missed it because of this crap. It may seem harsh but that is what I am thinking right now and that is what you asked for. yeah I done with this. | low | low | high | high | high |
Here I go. I keep thinking whether or not I am doing this right. I can't seem to spell anything right. I am going to correct all my spelling after I am done. This line just keeps on going. There was just a commercial with people that that said "I am in the woods" and it sounded like the other add that says "I am Tiger Woods". I am so glad the Cowboys won today. I am not even looking at the screen now, because I was losing my concentration. Only 5 minutes have gone by. I wonder when my roommate will get back. I still don’t know why my phone won't work. This line just keeps on going. It is a little bit hot in here. I am getting tired. I sure am glad I got this chair. I wonder how Jason is doing. I wonder bow many of my friends are in Rockwall now. I had a dream about Kim again last night. I wonder when I will see her next. I sure wish I could type better. Now it has been 10 minutes. When is Audra going to call. It is 10:30. Time sure does go by faster here. I need to think about all the things I need to do tomorrow. But I don’t want to. It has almost been 15 minutes. I am anxious to mail my letters. I wonder if I have any mail. I just found food on my shirt. I wish I had something better to eat. I wonder Oh there showing the tennis highlights now. I am glad that Agassi is doing better. I am noticing that I am writing "I wonder" a lot. It is starting to get harder to type now because I am getting tired. I think the twenty minutes are up. I am stopping now. | low | high | low | low | low |
Hello! I really wish I would have learned to type when I was a kid. I have been using computers since I was like seven, but I was never taught like the proper way to type with like which finger goes on which key so I have always ,made up my own little combination and it is kind of weird. I also have to look at my fingers the whole time. I am really tired. I need to catch up on my sleep but I am staying at a friend's house tonight, so something tells me I won't be getting much sleep tonight. But I get I'll get over it. I totally forgot what I was saying. I guess I am brain dead right now. I am actually feeling a little homesick. Not for high school or any thing, but for the way things used to be back home. I had like 4 close friends that were always there and I could be totally natural in front of them, but here it seems like I have to pt on an act, which is the exact opposite of how I figured it would be. My computer is so stupid! That is why I have to use my friends computer because I can't do anything but play asteroids on my computer because It is so complicated. I am not thinking of any thing to write about right now. I am totally stuck here with out a thought! That is really not cool because I still have 15 minutes to go ! I have 4 dogs at home. They are very cute except for one, but I feel bad for her because when she was a kid she was beaten up and when we found her collar was embedded into her neck and her back leg was broken. She's better now, but she freaks out ROUND STRANGERS. she HAS NEVER BITTEN ANYONE, BUT MAYBE SHE WILL. my Dad is so great. He always takes in animals that people drop off in front of our house and he has always been so original. Like a month ago he decided to take up golf and he has never played a day in his life so he goes out and hits golf balls on the runways of our airport and he bought this old nasty golf cart and drives around in it. He is just so cool. There are a few strange guys that keep on walking in the room asking for food. My friends have very odd hall mates. that sounded really stupid,. I don't even know the proper name for some one who shares a hallway with some one else. I got a really bad hangnail today and I bit it off even though your not supposed to and it hurts like crazy. I wonder if any one ever cusses a lot on this. It's not like my grade would drop if I wrote FUCK in really big letters would it? I guess not since I just did it. maybe I’ll do it a gain DAMN I don't know why but that's fun! Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I hope someone does, but that would be the most boring job in the world I would figure. All you do is read like 5 pages of someone's ramblings, though I am sure some of them are cool. Sorry mine won't be , but I can't think of anything! Actually, I used to watch Nick at Nite all the time when I was a kid. I had this old black and white TV in my room and I would watch Dobi Gillis , Patty Duke and Get Smart. That one had to be my favorite, because Maxwell was so cool! They had the coolest little devices and ways to get KAOS . I really wish They still showed it on TV. The Nick at nite channel really sucks. all they show is Petticoat Junction and THAT girl. Not very interesting, if you ask me! I am really not thinking of any thing to say right now. IOK I am trying to think of something. I feel bad because Josh is trying to sleep and here I am clicking a way on his computer how rude! I really hated that show Full House, but I always watched it. I'm so glad they took it off the air. It is so odd, sometimes I can instantly do those magic eye things but other times I can't do them at all. Well, my 20 minutes are up. Bye! | high | low | high | low | high |
I hate it when you get so confused and you don't know what to think about anything. Sometimes you think you are making the right decision but then you start to doubt yourself. I guess I tend to do that a lot lately. I never know if what I am doing is right or not. Will it work in the long run? Oh well. School gets to be confusing but I guess that is at least something that is relatively constant. I don't think I deal that well with change. But I am not so sure anyone really does. Things tend to be uncertain a lot more that a lot of people like to admit. The only thing that I know for sure is that no one person stays the same no matter how much they would like things to. Personally, I have always thought that it is possible to care or even love more than one person at the same time. I am not sure why or when monogamous relationships came around but I am not exactly sure they work. I actually have a lot of proof, just look at the divorce rate. But I guess that is not really proof of anything except for the fact that people have given up forgiving other people for their mistakes. Everything changes schools, and people and everything else. When you see people that you have known a long time in a different setting, why does everything seem so weird. Some of them seem nicer others have changed so much that you can't even recognize who they are. Anyway, I am really tired of thinking about this. Computers can really get so annoying. I realize that they are supposed to be a good thing but they can be really confusing too. I guess everything really is. I am getting really tired of talking to myself or at least that is how I feel I wonder what draws certain people to certain things. Like what makes me like the color pink and someone else absolutely detest it? My next question is why do I put things off? I guess because I don't like to admit to myself that I actually have work to do. Plus I guess I am just plain lazy. There's nothing like having a few really close friends but then that can be a bad thing too. But another problem is when you have a group of friends, and of course if there are guys and girls in the group as there normally one of them becomes attracted to another and of course that can become a huge problem. The worst thing is that if something does happen between those people then it will eventually seriously affect the rest of the group. La La La!!! I feel so retarded right now and my time is up. So I guess this is goodbye. At least until I do my next righting assignment. | high | high | high | low | high |
My roommate is trying to sleep, so I hope that I am not going to bug her by typing. I'm using her computer because mine is at home. I have no idea how to use the internet I need to go get my e-mail address so that I have one but I don't feel like it. I still have to get my books for two more classes tomorrow morning- I can't forget that. I miss my boyfriend- I hope he comes down this weekend cuz' I can't go up there again till he comes down to see me-I just wouldn’t feel tight about it. He is such a jerk-I wish I could just meet someone else and get over him but it's so hard. I can't believe that Heather and Sebastian broke up this weekend-that's so sad. It seems so weird that relationships can totally dissolve so fast-where do the bonds you had with these people go so suddenly? Relationships are so weird-love is weird. I would really like to meet someone that I am as attracted to as I am to Matt and that I love undoubtedly and someone who I know loves me that way, too. I would give anything to know exactly hoe Matt feels about me-why does he still have to play games with me-I f he cares about me, he should tell me-I do. I wonder what he will think when he gets that letter-I hope it doesn't freak him out-maybe I should have sent it-he's probably going to let all his friends read it and then I'll feel like a dumbass like always. I keep making mistakes and I know we aren't supposed to worry about them but I can't quit fixing them. I wonder if anyone will actually ever read this? I wish my roommate’s boyfriend and his friend would leave-they've been here three freaking days-that’s a little inconsiderate-I think and she keeps drinking all my lemonade-doesn't she realize that costs me money-I wouldn’t care if she'd ask-but that is so rude, she doesn't even say thank you. That guy gives me the creeps and he just sits on our coach all day. I wish Emily and Lori could call me with their phone number-I really miss them. I need to call Cynthia, too, and see what sorority she got into. I wonder if she's seen Emily and Lori-will that all stay friends? I feel left out-I wonder in Cynthia saw the bracelets-she will be so pissed at me if she did-I'll call her after 5. I can't wait to go play volleyball-I've got to finish my drama reading after this, too. I wonder if I am doing this right-I can't tell exactly what thoughts to write cuz some come to me while I'm writing others and then I lose them-I need to write a poem-I've been losing so many good ideas and that pisses me off. only 11 more minutes to go. I haven’t typed in along time, I would love to be with Matt right now-I am so glad that I haven't been thinking about him as much as I did before we moved-That would kill me, maybe I'm shielding myself a little cuz I still; feel like he is going to be the first person to really really hurt me-why is it that my self esteem hinges so much on his interest in me? That is certainly not healthy, why did I just type certainly instead of definitely was thinking defiunatle, that was an idea for a poem that I still haven’t written down I need to remember that-I hope I like my poetry class-it will suck if I hate it after all the trouble I went to get in it. I'm glad that the part about my roommate’s boyfriend is gone now, I'm afraid she’d walk in and read it-now she'll walk in and read this-oh well-three days is too long-I wonder if Matt will stay the night here when he comes or at t8m's house of that other guy who lives in Austin. I am anxious to go to College Station thought, but will I stay at Matt's house or at Emily and Lori's house. Will that be mad at me if I stay at Matt's. The computer just went back to the main menu cuz I guess I pushed Ctrl-whatever that menas-2 more minutes-I am so glad I didn't just lose the whole thing-I'd have been pissed beyond belief-my hands are getting tired. I have heartburn from my dada's chili still-I hate chili-why did I eat that anyway? I can't believe Princess Diana is dead-it seems so weird-she is just as vulnerable as anyone but it never seems that way-now two princesses have died in car accidents-cars are so dangerous-time is up-Yay! | low | low | high | high | high |
My stream of consciousness is being disrupted by several things at this time. My computer has been giving me nothing but continual stress and troubles. First, my computer is a piece of crap. I called a guy to come hook everything up to it and he basically laughed and was unable to figure it out. Then the guy told me to take it to the campus computer store. I carried the entire, heavy hard drive to the store in the heat. While there, everyone I talked to laughed at me. I ate dinner alone, as I usually do since I have not made very many new friends. I have had no sleep because of how many classes I've had to take this semester because of credit hours and retouching courses. I am so stressed out. I just learned that my CDROM drive isn't working so I'm about to cry because now when I go home this weekend I have to convince my parents to fork over a bunch of money they don't have so my computer will be like everyone else’s'. My roommate’s Dad went through and installed everything one can possibly think of so she laughs at my computer problems which makes me feel worse. I miss my home and my dogs and my boyfriend and my friends so much that now I'm crying. All the stress I'm feeling is making me depressed and hungry and tired all the time. Gale, my roommate keeps me up really late at night and then wakes up at 6:30 to put on ALOT of makeup. She is so loud that I want to scream, but instead I keep my mouth shut because it feels like when I open my mouth to say things that might hurt peoples feelings or make them mad I end up losing the close relationship I had with them. So I guess I'm sort of keeping everything inside so that I don't lose any few friends that I made. It seems like everyone makes better grades than me here. I am so scared because I have so many questions about UT but nobody seems to know how to answer them. I knew that moving up here would be a big change, but I thought I could handle it. I know that once I adjust I will grow very strong and independent from this experience, but I feel that I may not be ready. I don't wear makeup for some reason that I have never been able to figure out. I always feel like I need improvement in something. Like with this essay, even though I know the length of it does not matter, I still feel it must be long to be acceptable. When I walk around to my classes I see so many people that they all look the same to me. It is so hot outside when I walk. I'm so thirsty right now that I am going to send this paper so I can get a drink. Then I'm going to call my mother and beg for a computer like everyone else has so I can feel like I fit in more. I won't get it so now I've got to prepare to use Gale's computer all year. My boyfriend is driving up here on Friday to spend the day with me at UT. I wish I had my own apartment so I could get some sleep. | low | high | high | low | high |
Well, here I am writing continuously for twenty minutes. The weird thing is that this keyboard is laid out differently than the one I have back home so it makes typing really difficult. Not to mention the fact that yesterday I got a cut on my finger and hitting the I button tends to hurt a little bit. I am a little concerned about coming to the end of this line but apparently it will automatically wrap my words for me. I am going on a trip to the beach tomorrow. Well at least that's the plan. We don't have anywhere to stay not to mention any food. Oh well, it hopefully will be a lot of fun. I am sitting at Mac 9. I wish they had IBM's in here. That would make my life a little easier. The computer in my room crashed and I can do absolutely nothing on it right now. It's weird I have been writing for about five minutes and I am only on my third line. Well I guess that's what long lines will do to you. There were really long lines at the student computer center the other day. MY roommate was such an angel and stood in line for me when I went to class. A girl just walked in to the computer room with headphones on. I think that is a little weird. I guess she likes to listen to music and type at the same time. I guess you can do laser copies in here. I will have to remember that. I went out for coffee last night with my roommate and his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun and I got checked out by someone really cute. I wonder if this computer lady will help me figure out my e-mail in a little bit. Last time I asked she dismissed me very quickly. That shirt reminds me of McDonald's. The one a guy walked in here wearing. I really wonder what you are going to learn from me by reading this. Probably that I am very random, (all my friends tell me that) They also tell me I am a crack head. I'm not really, it's just an expression they use for me because I am so random and jump from subject to subject. Don't you think it's weird that we still write stop on stop signs. We could probably save a TON of paint if we didn't and besides who doesn't know that a red octagon means stop. That sounds like a really bad commercial. I have to go to class at 1:00. I feel weird telling people that I am going to Acting class. I feel very pretentious. I really think I am going to like the class though. I have been in theatre since fourth grade I just completely lost my train of thought. It got derailed you could say. I wonder what derailed it? Oh well, I guess that's what you are trying to figure out from me writing this. Life imitates art. I miss Ronnie Geva. Not really, but she is someone whom I am supposed to miss. I really miss Amanda. She is one of my best friends in the world. I called her the other night and when I heard her voice I could do nothing but cry. The computer lady walked by. Apparently she chooses whom she likes to help and who she doesn't. I never know when to use who and whom. I think I am going to save this really quick so that I won't accidentally lose it. Wait never mind that would lose my train of thought. I think it would at least. I really wish I could read some of the other students stream of consciousness papers. I want to see how similar they are to me. Maybe they aren't similar at all and I am the weirdo in the group. That's what my sister would like to have me believe. She pretends that she doesn't miss me but I know she does. I wonder how this whole e-mail thing is going to work. I can't wait to e-mail my dad and Amanda. I would e-mail my mom too but I don't know her school e-mail name. It's scary how many e-mail accounts my family has, I think the grand total is eight. Maybe nine. I don't know if my sister has one at school or not. It depends which class she is in. Nine accounts and four people. There are way to many ways to reach us. This is an odd power PC. This computer contains the fonts necessary for the software packages Plato and Socrates. I wonder what those are. Probably some English programs or something. At least that's what the name implies. El tiburon means shark in Spanish. I think there is an accent but I am not so sure. Fireworks are really cool. My mom and I love to go sit under them and feel the booms. A couple of years ago there was a grass fire near where we were sitting. It was kind of exciting. Not something like rescue 911 but still it was interesting for us. I hope you find this interesting and not just some drivel about me. Drivel is such a fun word. It reminds me of dribble. Well, I have to jet. I hope I didn't write for too long but It is fun getting your thoughts out on paper. Like I am doing now, Auggghhhh the insanity. Or sanity, however you want to see it I guess. | high | high | high | high | low |
It is 12:53 on Tuesday and my roommate and I just finished eating lunch and came down to the computer lab to work on our assignment. My computer in our room is not hooked up to the Internet yet, so for the time being I have to come down here. That's ok. The guy just came over because we forgot to give him our IDs. Oops. Oh well. Anyway, I'm really sad lately. I miss all my friends from high school. Everyone I've met so far has been really nice and everything; I just miss how close we all were last year. I could go anywhere, to any school function, and see people that I knew and would feel comfortable with. Here, it's not that there are so many people - it's just that there are so many people that I don't know. Every face that I pass on campus is another stranger. Actually, I have seen a few people that I know from other places. Earlier today I saw Brittany. But it's just not the same as walking down the hall and knowing every single person. I was so comfortable there. I don't know. I should probably be writing on the other assignment topic, since I'm going off about high school and college and what have you, but I'm kind of just blabbering so whatever. I am ready to be comfortable with lots of people again. I miss my comfort zone that I had at Anderson and I want it back!! Hey! I just looked at my watch and it has already been ten minutes. I guess I can't really say that it's been ten minutes, because of that guy that came over. It's probably been more like seven minutes. I don't like this keyboard. It's kind of hard to type on. This assignment is actually harder than I thought it would be. I mean, it's not hard, because I'm not really writing on anything in particular, but it is kind of hard to think continuously for twenty minutes. I think it's crazy that so many Anderson people are in my psychology class. It also freaks me out that Alex is in our class. Since you don't know about Alex, just let me say that he is the most intimidating person in the world. I think underneath that tough guy Russian thing he has going for him he's really probably a very nice person, but I don't know how easy it is for me to look past the fact that he actually chased someone with an axe on the last day of school our junior year at City Park. So I wouldn't fail Alex if I were you. He might come to your office with his axe (do you spell it "axe" or "ax"? I don't know) or his machete or any of his other assortment of weapons that he totes around with him. I would really like to get to know him though - I think he would be an interesting person to get under his skin and see what he's really like. Not to mention the fact that it would be cool to have him be your friend in case someone was giving you trouble. I think that time is probably almost up, but I would kind of like to keep writing. I think I will. The temperature in this room is perfectly comfortable. I don't know where that thought came from. I am scared about having to write papers. What if my professors don't like the way I write? I've always loved to write, but I like writing creatively. I'm pretty bad at comparing and contrasting and all my research papers are boring. I mean I got good grades on them, but later I'd go back and read them and be like "Hey did I actually write this? Yuck. " I think I'm probably being hard on myself. I wonder how many times I have used the word probably in this assignment so far. I bet a lot. I hate when people don't know that a lot is two words and not one. I wonder what Angie's deal is. She used to be so nice, but ever since Dis and I rushed she has been so rude. That's her problem, I know. And it kind of always justifies the fact that I didn't like her that much. I always had to act like I did, and she was nice enough, but just something about her has always rubbed me the wrong way. That's what I told Brian. Brian -- what to do about Brian? I wish I knew I wish I could have some answer. I hate leading him on the way I did the other night, but that just seemed unavoidable. I know he needs me and that's what I love about him. When I'm around him I feel special and needed and important. But I just don't know if that is enough. | low | high | high | high | low |
I can't wait until tomorrow. I have only one class from 9 to 10 and then its time to go to the Matchbox 20 concert. I love Christie so much and I can't what to see her tomorrow. Christie, I hope you'll give me another chance some day. Your the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. God I've changed so much this summer. I am so excited about pledgeship. I love you mom. I am going to study my rear off though to get a 4. 0. I wish I was living at Towers because Jester SUCKS. And the food is nothing special at all. I got to ask mom and dad for some cash. I really can't wait to get back to Houston to see everybody there and especially Dean, Cassie, Mrs. Smith, and of course Christie. I need to keep working out. It's doing me alot of good. Carter needs to tone it down in there so that I can finish this paper. Holy cow my mind just went blank. Oh wait a minute. 2 great looking girls are swimming over at the Theta house. I hope the Rockets win it all next year because the Bulls are really pissing me off. College is going to be tough but I think I will do just fine. I am going to be more than successful one day. I don't hope this, I know this. For the love of God. I type so slow it's not even funny. That's what I need to do is take a typing class because this is ridiculously to short and it should be much longer. Only one more minute of writing and then I'll. . . . . . Oh, what do you know. times up. | low | high | high | low | low |
I am in this big state of confusion. Everything toward school work right now is going easy but all my feelings for my friends and my boyfriend are burning inside of me. I feel as if my classes are going to turn right around on me and kick me in the butt. I don't know if I should stress out about them or later. Carlos is starting to act like a jerk. I hope he hasn't found someone else. I broke up with him last night because of the way he has been treating me. I regret it but I feel as if I did the right thing. I am so confused! Eventually I will get back with him. Boy do I miss him. My legs are very sore from lifting weights yesterday I hope that my legs get in shape. I really want to lose weight. I feel very fat sometimes. Well my cousin Danny is coming down from the Army this weekend. Should I go home to see him or stay here? I know if I go home I will probably call Carlos and we will probably call Carlos and we will get back. I guess my cousin going home can be an excuse for me to go down and talk to Carlos. Another reason to go down home is for Melanie's license plates. Again that is another excuse. Lately Melanie has been on the phone all the time making me mad because I want to use the phone also. G-whiz my legs are hurting. I really need to find a job here around campus. I want to work in the library but hopefully there won't be any hassles. Jason my neighbor is crazy. Him and his girlfriend are really cute together. Why can't Carlos and I be like them. Both Jason and Irene love to work out. Whenever I go I go with them. Well actually I have been going everyday with them. I need money!! This show that is on is weird. I have listening to it while I am writing. It is making me sad. Well I better go my time is up. | low | low | high | high | low |
wanna see the real you- I love this song. by the suicide machines. I saw them last spring break with the descendents. good show. now green world is on. this is weird, trying to write continuously for 20 minutes. you tend to think differently when you're forced to. like today, those questionnaires in psych class. I think I analyzed them too much and tricked myself into answering differently. oh well. I have a lot of shit I need to be doing like returning that journalism book and buying the packet for that class. that class sucks. how can journalists shove a camera and microphone in someone’s face when they’re in mourning or whatever. and those guys who caused the princess Di's wreck just for some pictures. it makes me sick. do they have no feelings or sympathy whatsoever? does anyone? how the hell am I going to find a job that I like that doesn’t require making it to the top, no matter who you step on to get there. I guess all jobs are like that I’m just not a competitive person at all. never was. I don’t need to put other people down or be the best at everything in order to feel good or proud like tough guys. sure I’m proud of what I can do but I could never hurt another soul doing it. well the music’s off now and its quiet here in my castilian dorm room except for the fan. my boyfriend and my friends are upstairs, probably watching t. v. I wonder if he wants to go to that less than Jake show tonight I want to. they’re pretty good. my back hurts. I need to go to a chiropractor cant believe this stuff going through my head. how boring. I do think about interesting things sometimes. a few nights ago my boyfriend (kevin) and me and three other girls got into a huge (drunk) argument about how the world would be different if women were in all power. then we starting arguing, are gender differences biological or environmental? kevin thinks they’re environmental, and has a nerdy, stubborn, math/scientist guy and shows very little emotions. marita and I said no, its about 50/50, because women are born with these instincts that men will never know until they grow uteruses and give birth. ok I have 5 more minutes to write. my hair feels weird. I cut about a foot off 2 days ago. it was down to my waist now its to my chin. I feel bald. I wonder if I should dye it again. last year it was purple. man I’m doing it again, rambling on about boring stupid shit. I wonder if everyone else sounds as dumb as me, chatting away about stuff nobody really cares about. for twenty minutes. all to make a good grade. why is so much emphasis placed on grades I wonder. they don’t measure your intelligence. some people always do their homework and make good grades. that me. some people study and study but still bomb tests. that’s me too. tests suck. especially true false questions. I analyze those too much until I confuse myself. kevin doesn’t have to study and aces every test. no fair. well looks like my time is up. if anyone actually read this, sorry. fun job huh. I guess you’ve read much weirder stuff than this anyway. well adios. | high | high | low | high | high |
As I sit here trying to think of something to say, my mind is completely blank. This kind of thing always happens when I am trying to write. I guess the only thing on my mind right now is whether or not I am going to make it at such a big school like UT. I have to walk a lot and the studying is sometimes hard. I am a music major a the time, but I really hate it. I think it is a worthless major. It's too much work for nothing. Music majors don't make ANY money. I think that a big part of going to college is learning how to make money. I guess if I was really devoted to playing the piano money really wouldn't matter to me, but I couldn't see myself sitting on my ass playing the piano the rest of my life. I really want to do something exciting. Another thing that is bothering me right now is the fact that I go to school 16 hours a week and I am only getting credit for 12. That's four hours I am not getting credit for. All of which are of course music classes. I only get 3 hours for a 5 hour Musicianship class and I only get 1 hour for a 3 hour ensemble class. I really like it here, but I miss my friends back home. I think it is going to be weird seeing them again during thanksgiving and Christmas. I want to know how their schools are and if they have been to any good parities or if they have made many friends. One thing about going to UT is that it is hard to make friends here because there are so many people. I have, though, made friends with many people that I live with along with some people in my classes. I went to a pretty cool concert this weekend. I went with some of my friends that are still in high school. I miss hanging out with them. It was like old times again. I went with my old boyfriend and all of his friends. I was the only girl as always but that's what I'm used to. I guess I have to keep my attention on what I am doing here though. So that I can survive through college. I think my mom is going to be mad because I may have maxed out my phone card, but that is kinda off the subject. My mind wanders like that sometimes. Tamesha is beating up her CD player. She is sitting next to my cursing at her portable CD player. Now she is blowing the dust out of it because she thinks that it might work better if she does that. well my time is up, and just in time too because my mind just went blank again. | low | low | low | low | high |
My love for computers and hate for computers is simultaneously growing as I sit here and write this assignment. I don't understand any software but everything for IBM, and the Macintosh is completely foreign to me. I must have already asked at least 30 questions regarding the system, but hey I am new to this whole Apple thing. Apple should just get rid of itself entirely and sell itself to Microsoft and the computer world will be a lot happier. Every time I type the word a lot, I am reminded of my English teacher in 10th grade, or maybe it was 9th who dispelled the myth that a lot was one word. I'll begin to type it as one, but then realize that I should have written it as two. I think it is really strange how some teachers you remember their words, but cannot remember their names or faces. I see a lot of people around campus just like that although I remember their faces and words, for the life of me I cannot remember their names, and I would fell absolutely terrified if they were to come up to me and use the overly cliched phrase, Azi, do you remember me?? More than likely I would not, or I would be to involved in my own thoughts to try to recall who the individual standing before me was. I do that a lot. People will have said that they may have called my name 3 or 4 times before I responded by just looking up. My thoughts consume me sometimes. I have a problem with daydreaming. I know that it is not necessarily a bad thing, but nonetheless it can get in the way of a lot of really important things. It is a good thing that in this particular assignment, daydreaming is the foundation for all my thoughts, and will assist me in coming up with ideas to write. I was talking about my thoughts, and how I daydream. Well, lately all I can think about is the perfect scenario for me to meet the man I am to marry. It seems foreign, and should probably not clutter the mind of a Freshmen in college, but it has been particularly bothered me. I have only really been involved in one serious relationship, if it can even be called that, and that in itself was a summer fling. I went to a summer church retreat, and I think this is where everything started to form, regarding marriage, because I met guys for the first time that I could honestly see myself marrying. This has never happened before, and as I glance around the campus, I just don't see them there, and it frustrates me knowing that they are somewhere else, and I am here longing for there company. It is not like I need there company, no yes it is that was a lie. I miss them a whole lot because I have never, ever been able to relate to a guy like the guys that I met at this church retreat in California. I think I forgot to mention that most of them are dispersed throughout Cali, and I have very little chances of seeing them ever again, unless I actively seek a job to where I can live, go to school, and everything in the wonderful Golden State of California. All of there pictures, guys and girls from the retreat are plastered on the wall above my desk, and I miss them terribly. I have to go back some day, I haven't enjoyed myself, and have been so completely relaxed as I had in California. I know it has nothing really to do with the beaches, although it plays a little bit of why I would like to go there, and the earthquakes certainly are not the reason I would want to maintain a lifestyle there, it's the people of my religious community. it's a bond, a connection that going to a Baptist church, or a Jewish synagogue embodies. That spirit is completely alive in the people in my religion, just like any religion. It would be ideal if I could just go to school there, get a chance to meet a bunch of people. Get my education, get my education, get my education, finish my education, and I stress this because that is a big part of my life, but I am continually fascinated by marriage, commitment, meeting the man of my dreams, meeting the man of my dreams. It's nothing particularly fancy, or romantic, I am not asking for the Ken and Barbie playhouse world with the plastic pink convertible, I just want to get married, start a family, and live my life with all the values, challenges, and commitments it has to offer. I just don't think that I can have that right now, and that is why I spend so much of my time thinking about the endless possibilities of everything having to do with relationships and evaluating my life with and without everything, and just dreaming, night and day about how wonderful and how absolutely dreadful it would be to be married. The challenges are endless in the pursuit of life. And if I may I would like to end with a statement that Linda Ellerbee made after every news statement, perhaps my favorite statement ---and so it goes. | high | low | high | low | high |
Here I am doing psychology homework. I should be watching late night television. Conan is just now coming on I missed all of Letterman. Letterman is the best late night talk show personality. I need to call Tasha, I wonder if she's still out she has that 12 o'clock curfew. Is the time zone the same here as it is in Mississippi? I'll have to ask her when I call . I hate typing I'm not very good at it but I've had a lot of practice lately since I've started E-mailing frequently. Yes Only thirteen minutes left. I feel sorry for anyone who has to read this because it is a very jumbled stream of consciousness. Tomorrow I have to get up early for Calculus. It stinks that my earliest class is the one that is the hardest to sit through anyway. I don't like Tuesdays (or Thursdays) for that matter because I have to get up early and don’t get back from rugby practice until after nine or so and then I 'm too tired to do anything else but sit around moan and watch TV. Eight minutes left I'm over the hump. the view from my room when the moon is full reminds me of Van Gogh's Starry Night with the tower lit up and all, it helps if I have my contacts out though. everyone I know has gone out and partied this week except for me . I wonder if doing this at midnight counts as tomorrow for turning it in . Because I'll probably try to do the other assignment in about twenty two or twenty three hours. my wrist is starting to hurt I wonder if it's from typing or if it's from falling on it this weekend. I need more posters for my side of the room to brighten it up because its kinda boring. Oh yeah I just ran out of my twenty minutes but I'm still typing I think Lucky Charms brainwashes little kids into thinking that they are eating something special by changing the size shape and colors of their marshmallows al the time. | low | low | low | low | low |
I just messed up. it has been a while since I’ve typed. It probably won't turn out to good. I wonder what time it is. I am kind of worried about my friend from Sealy. I just got off the phone with her and she has lost twenty pounds. She looks really good but she wants to lose twenty more and I think that is a little to much . This assignment is so easy and I keep messing up. This keyboard feels funny. the backspace key seems further away than usual. I just stopped typing because I can't figure out why when you get to the end of a line it won't continue to the next line it just keeps going. My roommate is standing behind me reading what I am writing . I don't care if I misspelled something because they aren’t checking on spelling. I am so glad Chase called tonight. It makes me feel so much better to know that he cares a little. If he didn't call though I was going to call him and figure out whets up between us. I can't believe it is ten o'clock. I have been studying since about six. I talked on the phone though with my friend for about 30 minutes. I wonder why the words skipped down to the next page. I hope I didn't mess this up. I cant wait to get y hair cut tomorrow. I hope it turns out good. I cant wait to see Chase. I hope I am doing this right because there is only two lines of words appearing on the page. I wonder who my roommate is calling. Maybe it is that girl he met this weekend. about 15 minutes has already gone by. I am going to go on a diet tomorrow. I wonder why he keeps pushing all the numbers on the phone ,I keep hearing that beeping noise. I don't have that much time left and then I am going to take a bath. I can't seem to capitalize my I's. I wonder what the next writing assignment is about. I think I am going to do it tomorrow night so that I can get it out of the way. I wish I could type really fast. I wonder how fast Mary can type. I need to do some more reading tonight before I go to bed and I really need to see my math TA before class tomorrow so that I can get some help with my math. I wonder why the e didn't stay at the end of the word it skipped down to the next line. my typing has gotten better though since I started this assignment. I wonder who just came in the door. I have about one more minute to write. I wonder what my roommate is studying. I don’t know what else to write. I wonder if they are ever going to read this. If someone happens to read this HI! I bet its pretty boring reading all of these. My time is up Bye! | low | low | high | high | low |
At his time I am at the lab listening to everyone in here typing and some coughing as well. The laser printer doesn't seem to stop printing. I am at the Communications Computer lab doing this assignment. I am wondering whether or not I will be going home, Dallas, next week on Friday. I am hoping my friend will take me. I also hope I can bring back my sister, who is presently in Dallas, so that she can live with us. That way I don't have to worry about cooking or getting food for dinner. I am glad my Pre Calculus professor gave me permission to take my midterm on Monday, the day after I get back from Dallas--If I go. I just looked at the proctors. They are helping some people out with their passwords. I wish I could get a job as a proctor. I think that would be an easy way of getting some money. Most of them don't even know what they are doing. I just thought about my major. I hope I can get into the Texas Creative Department in Advertising. That would be really neat since I like to do stuff like that. I just read that a lot of students in advertising have earned awards. But I just looked at some of their work and I don't think it would be all that hard to do. I just looked at my watch, I have about fifteen more minutes before I can send this message. A lot of people are leaving the lab know. That stinks, I wish their was a better computer when I got here. Right now I'm stuck with this old IBM comp. --the only one in the lab that's still using Windows 3. 11. I wish I was home with my family right now. Especially since they left for Denver today. If only I didn't have school right now, then I could live at home and help my dad with our family business. A lot of these computers in here are down. It sure would help if someone would fix them. Jesse Holman Jones--so that's who this building is named after. Who is he? I've never heard of him. The sign on the wall says, "Lumberman, Banker, Publisher, Statesman. " What does that have to do with Communications(except "Publisher"). I still have to do my rough draft for English. Oh well, I will probably do it tonight when I get home. Not like I can get any work done their. My brother is too loud and annoying. He doesn't let me study in peace. He is pretty stubborn--likes to have everything his way. Just because my parents aren't here, he thinks he's my guardian or something. I wish I lived in a dorm instead. That would have been cool. That way I could have met new people and friends. Not only that, it's right there on campus and they have cafeterias. That would help a lot. Now I only have six minutes to go. This thing is taking a pretty long time. If it weren't for this assignment I could have been working on my English paper right now. I hope that paper turns out good. At least my professor liked my proposal-he said I did an "excellent job. " In class he was saying how rare that case would be. Hopefully, I'll do well in this class. I really don't like English classes. Their so boring. All you do is discuss a lot of things, write papers, and practice grammar. I thought my English class would be very large, instead it ends up having only 25 people. I hate small classes. At least all my other classes have over one hundred people. Well, I'm done. I guess I will send now. | low | low | low | high | low |
Damn. Rum and Coca-Cola sure does taste good. Pretty fucking good, in fact. Hitting return after every line of text that I type really sucks. I see danger danger danger on the corner sent by me shadows the ways straight away you ran from me heard you calling yes I heard you calling heard you calling yes I heard you calling NO rules. Why do all the good groups have to stop recording before I get a chance to see them? Why does everything piss me off? When I smile, people see the devil. The devil's cool and all, but he's still the devil. In my dreams I saw you there it was kind of neat because after all I recognized you but it was still a dream about me about you about we never had a chance to get to know each other really well you were always this and I was always that and we were never it became a big problem when you took the easy way out of my mind but as I was saying it was a dream and you were there and so was I and I knew it was a dream but how could it have been a dream when it was so real life experience I started to fly, I started to defy gravity pulls us all back down to earth mother earth you angel you rock you bitch you have made everything so wonderfully evil because of you I am here and without you I would surely perish and it is all your fault and scar and torment you place deep inside of my soul wish is to be free yet I am not for I stand here wondering waiting for the time when I can be liberated, walk freely as you intended but I saw you there you were. And you were dressed differently too. Not wearing earth clothing. Of course neither was I. Red, red, red. honor, courage. blood. Blood from me, blood from you, blood from US, from we, who I saw there we were wondering, waiting for something grand to happen upon us while we stood there. The clouds flew overhead like a fast motion video as the world passed us by. holding onto my trusty staff I heard the world around me scream, shout, laugh, cry. crumble and crumble did I lost my eyes that day I found something different and the world has not been the same since I found them everything has been a little wild a little different a little crazy how things like this end up working out when we see each other, and when we went out back into the world from our little sanctuary from the world we were stuck in, hurt in side my brain is where this shit all resides and I have a feeling it's stuck here because I'm still here and you're not | high | low | low | low | low |
I really have no idea what to write about. I am home for the weekend from my first half week of college. It feels like I have just been on vacation and am home now. Some of my friends wanted me to go dancing with them tonight, but I took some allergy medicine and I have no desire to dance. The medicine makes me so tired. My dad is very upset with my cat because while I have been away, she has gone to the bathroom on lots of his important papers. She only does that when she is upset about something. I guess she misses me. We used to have a cocker spaniel named lady, but we had to get her put to sleep a while back. She was a wonderful dog. I am bringing my fish back with me when I go back to Austin tomorrow. That is the only kind of pet we can have in the dorm. I had to sell my horse before I left for college. I had had him for almost three years so it was really hard. I still haven't sold all of my equipment. I can never find enough time to go out to the barn and get it taken care of. Princess Diana died in a car accident this morning. I really didn't think that all of that royal family stuff mattered to me, but I guess after hearing so much about her life in the last couple of years, we all feel like we have some connection with her. Anyway, I think it is really really sad. I especially feel so bad for her children. I was watching 60 Minutes on TV a little while ago and they showed a clip of the two boys on a fishing trip with their father. My brothers and I used to fish a lot with the family too. It is weird to think that my brothers are getting so old. One of them is 22 and the other one is almost 26. That is hard to believe. I just turned 18 on Friday. It was sort of nice to come home for my birthday where people actually care that it is my birthday. I am also glad I came home because that way, I can be sure that I keep in touch with my friends who are still in high school. I want to go to the homecoming football game at my high school. I am already getting excited about my ten year high school reunion. I think it will be so cool to see how much people have changed. I went to Camp Texas at the end of the summer and a girl that was in my group lived near where I used to live in Houston. She told me that a girl I used to know in elementary and middle school was killed by some guy. It was so shocking and really sad. I mean, I didn't know the girl really well and it had been many years since I had seen her, but it still made me think about how things like that really can happen to anyone. My roommate at Towers is really cool. I am glad we get along. I was worried I might get some freak. I can just imagine that if I had to request a change of roommates how acquired that would be to see the old roommate around campus knowing that you had ditched them. Twenty minutes of writing is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I think I still have a few minutes left. I think we have some raccoons living under our house because you can hear them sometimes scurrying around. Sometimes they are really, really loud. We used to have a mouse in our house so we had the exterminator put out one of those little sticky trap things. Well, it caught the mouse, but then my cat tried to get the mouse so she ended up getting the trap stuck to her paw. It was in the middle of the night and I heard her running around the house like a freak. Finally I got up to see what was wrong and I took the trap off of her. The mouse appeared to be dead so I put it in a baggy but when I got up in the morning, I found out it was still alive so I tried putting it outside but it was too stunned to move so I put it in a little cage until it recovered its senses. It finally got better so I let it go. I had to let it go far away from my house though because my mom was afraid it would come back in. My cat got lost for eleven days once when we lived in Houston. It was so sad. I cried everyday until we finally found her again. I think my twenty minutes is up now. | low | low | high | high | low |
Trying to track my thoughts. That's weird because I don't even know were to start. At the moment I am wondering who just called because I thought one of my roommates would of answered it but they didn't and who every it was hung up. I am also worried about my food that is cooking in the oven. It is suppose to be done in thirty minutes and I sure am hungry. I kind of mad at the moment because the Cowboys just lost to the Cardinals and they shouldn't have. To tell you the truth its kind of hard to sit here and just type what I am thinking because I not thinking of anything. One of my roommates is talking on the phone and being really loud but she does have a big mouth. She is talking to my other roommate and asking him if he wants to meet the person on the phone for lunch tomorrow but they never ask me but I don't mind because the guy they are meeting gets on my nerves. That was weird. An icon came up on my screen and said my connection has been idle for twenty minutes and will disconnect if I don't click on the stay connected. I guess that means I have been typing for twenty minutes or maybe not. It is weird the way I have been typing for so long and I am just on the second line. I know I have typed more than that I hope. My back is starting to hurt from sitting awkwardly in this chair and typing but I guess I have typed for twenty minutes so I can stop now. I probably didn't type that much but I am not a good typer and I make a lot of mistakes. I guess I'll stop now. | low | high | low | low | high |
Today is only the sixth official day of class, and I am already stressed out. I know that I don't necessarily have to do everything in one day, but I feel just so overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I wish I was already set into the swing of things and simply taking things one day at a time. I get nervous every time I think of what possibly lies ahead. I also have to start looking for a job. I feel I do not have the time to work, but I believe mom and dad when they say it will help me adjust better if I have set things to do. I guess it will also help me manage my time better, possibly even help me. I mean 5-10 hours a week is not a lot and it could even be interesting depending on the type of job I could find. I can look in to this of Friday considering I only have one class, although I seriously think I should take an extra hour or two to simply lay down and rest. I haven't done that in a while. What else do I have to do on Friday? Look for a job, call home, rest, read, do homework, and whatever else comes up. Let's see, Saturday. The game is on Saturday, so I guess I will do game stuff most of the day and go out after the game. At least I will be able to get off campus and breathe a little easier. So far, I guess I like it here. I mean I am having fun and enjoying myself but I just got use to doing nothing during the summer. No reading, no calculus, no tennis, no Stu. -Co. or NHS meetings. Not to mention the constant weekend out of town tournaments. Yet, I do miss tennis. Even though it took up a lot of my time and effort, it was always a blast. I miss the team especially, and all my close friends. I am the only one of my closest friends that came to UT, but I guess it is all working out fine. If I went with them to college, I would be at A&M. Naah, I'm OK here. I can always call them. I miss home. I knew that I would be homesick. Even though I like being here, I sometimes wish I was still at home, in my house, with mom, dad, and even Lori & Angie. Gosh, I never thought I would miss those two brats this much. OH, I miss grandpa and grandma and my nanny. I need to call her tomorrow. It's already to late. I wonder what they are all doing right now. They are all probably asleep. I'm hungry, actually just thirsty. I could really go for a big, tall glass of sweet tea with a lot of ice. I can't wait for this weekend. Hopefully I will be able to sleep in late, or at least till 10:30 am. Going to bed very late and waking up extremely early is just not a compatible combination. My legs are so sore from all the walking I have to do every day. I'm used to jogging and walking at least 3 miles most days, but walking here is exhausting. Uphill, downhill, up and down stairs. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I need to get everything I need ready for tomorrow, but I think I am just going to lie down and watch TV till I fall asleep. I am so tired. | high | high | high | high | high |
I like this assignment I’ve done this before in my secret notebook at home which I had to bring here so peoples won't see I want to use them as my lyrics for when I’m a famous singer like Courtney love or Kathleen Hanna my body aches but I had so much fun mad crazy fun at the concert I wanna go moshing all the time even if my rents are mad at me now for saying it I should have just been quiet about the bruises but no I also have to tell them everything I don't know what my problem is I’m already in college and I still feel guilty about stuff like this zach de la rocha is fine I can't believe I saw him in person and tom morello the guitarist who went to Harvard just like my cousin. he's so kewl telling me to drink beer and skip class and all that but he doesn't understand that's just not how it goes just cuz his rents are millions of miles away and everyone in the world thinks he's smart it's not gonna work for me too I wanna try swimming (swimming means getting drunk) but I won't oh hey I have to put things in parentheses cuz people don't always understand what we're saying in our code like I wanna hook up wit some krazyass gungees like a fine black man aw yeah yes indeed I ain't gonna marry no stuffy-assed conservative person like rents want nope I don't think so man that guy in bio is damn fine but why did he quit calling me? maybe he's gay like Andrea but we don't know if Andre is totally gay he IS a theatre major and all his friends are girls how could I have doubted Brian damn him he stole josie away from me no it's ok I like me some Brian Valerie is kewl but gee whiz can she make it a little less obvious wit her boyfriend hello and the crazy suitemates next door they are so funny but I don't even know their last names hmmmmmmmm well anyway after this I gotsta head on over to parlin and to the experiment me nooferz the labrat aw yeah I gotta grow out my hair man people don't think I’m a pretty girl anymore whatever happened to the Peter’s days? I miss me some chili's but too bad it shut down those guys were skanks for real I wonder if people are looking over my shoulder and saying what the hell is she writing heather is kewl that's so weird how we're already such good friends and we've only known each other for 2 weeks weird oh god why won't that bitch north get the fuck outta my life I hate seeing her uglyass scary nasty face all over jester I wish she'd just move to India or something damn what a skank why couldn't she have stayed at you of H????!?! fuck if I know she's gonna be around for the rest of my life I think how the hell could I have been friends with her for so long. so after reading the 7 habits book, I’m a little ashamed to say that I think that I might be slightly enemy-centered meaning my thoughts focus on my enemy a lot. that is so dumb and immature but I don't want to get into old lifestyle again how can anyone be so mean and selfish and uggghhhghh I fucking want to break this computer now but it's ok so 15 minutes are up hmmmmm. I love college I love being free as the wind I hate getting lectures from my dad but I guess it's cuz he's just looking out for me but sheeesh what a way to waste a phone call hey I got my own phone plan now and I’m gonna have to start payin bills goddammit I forgot to send the visa card application grrrrr I like the weekend and I kinda like weekdays but I wish I could oh damn I forgot what I was sayin cuz I looked up oh yeah I wish I could do fun stuff all the time and I want to start a collection of boys yup boys I wonder where I would put my collection ha yer so funny well anywayz maybe I should call papooo uncle and soni auntie in new yawk I miss that place so bad I’m on a crazy mission to do well here in UT and then transfer to Columbia where I got some alumni in the house yeah and I can hang out in the village and Harlem and call heater diamond again and maybe actually say something and I can meet up wit mike d and meet Adam yauch my hero for all times and buy all the Adidas sneakers in the world it's not too cold in here like it used to be in taylor white skool that god awful place in Katy I’m glad outta there like buster Douglas cuz yo one more year and I thinks I would have to start slammin my head into the wall or something these thoughts are quite intimate won't you say I hope I’m doing this assignment right I need to get some sleep man but I don't like sleeping in the night only in the day but that don't help none when I gotta class at 8 in the morn well well ow my muscles are sore but it's a good sore I’m proud of it my nails are real shitty as I look down at this keyboard they have turned orange when will they ever be normal colored again? well it's about that time to break forth the rhythm and the rhyme I’m out wit full clout SUBMITTING NOW | low | low | high | high | low |
" Stream of Consciousness " Everyday about now, I am still sleeping. I feel good just having barely six hours of sleep. I thought I would be feeling more tired and exhausted, but It has not hit me yet. This morning, while watching CNN, and still seeing the coverage of Princess Diana, made me sad. It makes me think why everyone in that crash died and the bodyguard did not. He had ten hours of surgery. What pain I thought. I kept on asking myself why did G-d let him live. Why not someone like Princess Diana who did so much for the world and has two young boys to help grow up. She did so much for other people. She even raffled her dresses of for charity. What a women. I'm feeling a little bit tired now. The psy experiment I did today was a fun experiment. I enjoyed it. I sat next to a cute girl. I hope today's classes will go fast. I would like to take a nap today. Just to sleep and rest for an hour. It was nice seeing one of my brothers in my fraternity on campus today. It was a nice surprise. Also, I saw one of my friends from home on campus. It is exciting walking home from campus or going a different route because of the unexpected people you see or new or old friends you see. My mother went on business and I hope she is doing well. I hope she got well rested today. I hope to talk with my sister and she how well she is doing. I try to put myself in a better mood everyday. I think about a lot of things and it gets me worried. An example is I worry about friends, family, grades, whether I am behind or don't understand something in a class. I also do not like change. I don't like a change in atmosphere or any change whatsoever. Like going home this summer was hard because of a change in atmosphere and a change in obeying my parents again with a curfew etc. I try to get along with all my fraternity brothers, but sometimes I feel it is harder than normal. I spoke with my mother and she says you can't be friends with everyone. I have so much to thank for but I feel that I am always asking G-d to help me in a situation. I enjoy life and enjoy the pleasures it gives me. I enjoy school and friends. I feel everyone has there moods and their times they feel good and bad. I had a very rough summer due to the fact that I had irritable bowel syndrome. It was very painful and I did not like the pain. A doctor prescribed me some medication. What upsets me is that one of my friends I feel is rude at times. I feel this because last night he was rude when I went to his room and he started yelling that I was disturbing his speech. I continue to be nice to him. I am always debating whether or not to be nice to him. He can be nice at times, but a jerk at other times. I feel that he maybe insecure and have no real friends. Sometimes I'm angry at him and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I feel sorry for him and sometimes I don't. I walked into my fraternity house this morning and saw our cleaning man. The fraternity buys all his children gifts for Christmas and I think it's nice. Sometimes I feel sorry for him. He is a nice man. I also feel sad sometimes because I wish the relationship with me and my father would be better. I do not get along with him very well. Sometimes I get very upset thinking about it. I often thank G-d that I have an excellent relationship with my mother and my uncle and sister. I miss my dog. He is so cute. I didn't spend that much time with him this summer and forgot to ask my parents how he is doing. Usually I hear him barking when I am on the phone with my parents, but I have not heard him recently. When I visit home in a couple of weekends, I would like to spend a little time with him. He is a very nice and loving pet. He is old but still wild. I hope my girlfriend comes home with me. She said she would. Her father is coming up to Austin on Thursday and we are going to dinner with him. This makes me a little bit nervous, but who wouldn't be ? I think. I miss my family. They are coming up for parents weekend which should be nice. I hope to go to the football game this weekend, some of my friends drew tickets for the game already. I have not given my ID to anyone. I will call up some friends tonight and see if they want to go. Sometimes it is hard to ask my frat bros if they are going etc. Maybe I won't go to the game-- it is a good time to relax. I will see. I hope to watch Melrose Place tonight. I have a lot of homework but I hope to watch it anyway. I have a lot of reading to do and I hope I complete. I think I will or come very close to it. I sometimes do not feel 100 percent. Right now I am getting a little tired. I think I might nap after lunch. I think we are having steak today. I usually think of steak for dinner but I guess it is okay. Yesterday I read for a long time. I didn't get as much reading done as I would of liked, but I am trying to keep up and I understand most of the information in the readings. I have to buckle myself down and get my priorities straight. Maybe I won't go to the game and instead study for my classes. I would get a lot done because no one would be here. I am more tired now. I hope today's classes go fast and I have plenty of time to do work undisturbed!! I hope to see my girlfriend and not argue with her. She is truly my best friend. Guy or Female -- I think she is my best friend. Another best friend is my friend Traylyn. He is nice and I have known him since third grade. I am probably going to pray later today. I was hoping to do it this morning but couldn't get myself to wakeup extra early to do so. | low | high | low | high | high |
It is now 12:32 and so I cannot wait until 12:52 because at that time my writing will be done. I type slowly anyway so I shouldn’t have too much trouble typing for twenty minutes and producing much of a paper. I am not thinking about much at the moment except for the fact I am hungry and stressed out. The first week or two of school seemed pretty easy and then all of the sudden, yesterday it hit me. I am in college and at this point I need to get my priorities straight. I am enjoying myself too much and need to have more focus. My mind is just wondering a million miles a minute about nothing in particular. I need a job, but I’m so busy with school and stuff with my sorority, which is another story. I am not the proudest to be in a sorority. Don't get me wrong, it's a great honor and a fun time, but I don't like the whole association that comes with it. My whole life does not revolve around guys and partying and allowing myself no friends or life outside of the sorority, as many of them do. In fact, I like so many people outside my sorority and would like to get to know them better that it makes me wonder if this is a good, more importantly, healthy fit for me? I love Austin because of it's diversity and that became one of the main factors in choosing schools between SMU and here. There are so many interesting people and I want to get to know them all or at least try. Wow, it's already been over 10 minutes and this has not been too hard. I used to write daily in my journal at home, but haven’t had too much spare time to do that here, so maybe that is why I have been able to do this, and express myself so well. I enjoy so much being able to express myself on paper, which may explain why I write so much-journal, letters, poems. It helps me gain a sense of relief and since I don' express my feelings out loud too often, I need to do this daily, if not more so I can release all that I feel. I am excited about doing psychology this year because I hope to decide between the two majors I am struggling with. I am at the moment down for premed/nutrition and I really do want to go into medicine, but I've also always been interested in criminal psychology. It may be a little depressing, but I find it very interesting, and definitely want a job I love. A few months back, I read Helter Skelter and this encouraged my psychology path a little more, so I am hoping this class will help with my decision making. I guess we'll see. It is 12:51 now and time for me to stop. | high | high | high | low | high |
Wrecks. They are the worst things ever. I can't believe princess Diana died yesterday. It shows that anyone can die at any moment. Of all people, a princess, a mother, an internationally known woman, a philanthropical figure in this world. It's sad. Yesterday I was running down the street to pick up an anklet for a friend and I saw a wreck happen. it is scary. luckily no one was hurt but it could've been alot worse. The anklet was awesome though. I kind of wish that the one I bought was like hers but that’s okay because I got an even better one later on in the day. I had to sit for almost an hour to wait for the police to come because I witnessed that stupid wreck. and then they didn't show so I just gave the girl my name and phone number and then I left. I have better things to do, like eat. The food here really isn't that bad. I haven't been eating from much of a variety though. Everyday I eat from a choice of about four meals. I can live like that though. My roommate is really starting to bother me. I should have known this would happen , but everyone always thinks "that will never happen to me". Just like getting in a car wreck, getting pregnant, or getting a disease like aids or something. I hope I never get any of those things. I don't know what I would do. I'd feel like such a failure. It does happen to so many people though. And everyone deals with it in a different way. to each his own. And everything is just fine to me just now. no need for me to change my life, I have my friends , my boy, my studies, my sorority, and my own life here in college. Being away from the parents is such an amazing feeling. just the fact that we are proving to ourselves that we can do it on our own. feed ourselves, discipline ourselves, control ourselves, wash our laundry and all that stuff. I’m doing okay. but I know for a fact that not everyone has been handling themselves as well as I have. I am me and I am okay. | low | low | high | high | low |
Such a new, big place to be. So many people to meet and things to do. I hope it all turns out alright. This is such an important time in my life. Hopefully I will do well in school and also have a tremendous amount of fun. I have already met so many people that I can't even remember all their names. This is such a confusing time for me. Trying to settle on a new group of friends and trying to fit in. Because I joined a fraternity I don't think making friends will be a big problem, but I still don't feel totally comfortable with them yet. Everyone tells me that those will be my best friends four the next few years and probably for the rest of my life and I hope they're right. I can't wait for longhorn football season to start. I've been such a huge fan all my life and now I am finally able to go to the games as a student. I'm trying to think of something else to talk about. Oh, I got it. My girlfriend and I just had our one year anniversary today. I feel really bad because we could not really go out. I did bring her breakfast in bed though. she gave me the most amazing present I have ever gotten. it was a book she put together of pictures and other things that we have done together over the past year. I almost cried because she put so much time effort and love into it. I just glanced at my clock and I only have a few more minutes to keep on writing. I’ll finish up by talking about school. I hope I start off my college career off with a good semester and then keep it going throughout my college career. That would then lead to many good career opportunities and a happy, successful life. | low | high | high | low | low |
Wow! I cant believe that Brian still hangs around here. That idea about the red churches in England is really outrageous. The queen will never go for it. Anyway it was random of me to have seen him. I haven’t seen him since Joe played. Our power went out at the dorm and it really sucks. I waned to this assignment there but I obviously couldn’t. The rain today was so random. It was sunny then light again. My dorm seems o be the only one that lost power though. This keyboard is sticky and I don't like it very much. I cant wait till the weekend. At least I donut have too much work to do immediately. Most of it is due Tuesday. That boy is sooo cute. I donut understand why all of the cute ones are jerks 99 percent of the time. Can we say Josh? He totally ignored me at that party but he e-mailed Ilse for my number What's up with that? Jerk. I wish he would just make it easier on he both of us and just give me a call. Hello it's not that hard. I hope I meet some new guys soon cause these sure aren’t doing the job, I wouldn’t mind seeing Jordan again. He is sooooo hot. However I know that I could never have a good relationship with a boy like that. Shit, I couldn’t even hold Steven's attention. Then again he's a jerk. Anyway, I wonder how the boys are doing in apartment life. I just donut see them all living out on their own. I wonder how James and Julie are doing at A&M ? They should be coming down for a weekend soon enough. I guess Adi would call me if she's planning to come back any time soon. it is really convenient having been from here. I already know my way around and I know so many people. it is awesome. I cant believe my roommate was so loud last night when I was obviously trying to sleep. That is totally inconsiderate and she knows that I have an eight o’clock. I'm never loud when I have to get up at seven in the freakin morning, I feel like I should be loud sometime just to get my point across, I donut want to be rude to he though because I have to live with her a whole year and I might as well make the most of it Anyway my twenty minutes is over so I'm out. | low | high | high | high | high |
Today my aunt Caroline came up to visit me. she was on a trip out here for business meetings. She told me a bunch of stories about her life at UT when she went here 25 years ago. she told that she was almost raped by a serial rapist the police had been trying to catch for two years. He had been stalking her for weeks, and she never even knew. the only other person I knew who this had happened to is a friend of mine who had an abusive boyfriend who would rape her on a daily basis. she's finally doing a lot better, but still has kind of a loser boyfriend. guys are just weird that way. I've been going out with the same guy for close to two and a half years now, and it looks like we might get married! I'm really excited about that, we've had lots of plans about various things, but I don't know. we want a house and kids and that whole thing. today in art class, one lady had a quilt as her piece to express an emotion and it really brought me that sense of home. It was so pretty, it had a floral design, but also had these powder green and white solid pieces. It really made me feel at home and almost at my grandma's house. she's got a quilt her mother made, and it is about seventy years old. It was made from material of old clothes that no one fit into anymore. Their family was so incredibly poor that they lived out in the countryside, and worked in the fields. my grandmother has told stories of her life, some gruesome and some amazing. she used to be the one to cut off the heads of the chickens they ate, and it was nothing to her just normal. other times she can remember riding through the country side on her horse where there are now huge freeways and shopping centers. I often wonder what it would be like living back then. she gave me a magazine clipping of how life was like as a teacher back then (she was a teacher, and I am going to be a teacher) and I’m am really glad that we are well on our way into the twenty first century! they used to not be able to be married, have children, they had to go to church every Sunday, clean the classroom at least once a week on their hands and knees with a hand brush, and all these other gruesome things. the only thing I have to worry about are the guns and cuts that go on in the schools (maybe it would be better to go back to the old days, huh?) I want to be an art teacher, but I’m not sure how that will all work out. my major will allow me to be an artist but with an all-level teaching certificate on the side. so. I can either be a starving artist or a starving teacher! (both kind of sad) however, I don't really want to have to be out there working, I’m more of a homebody, and want to be the typical housewife. everyone I know thinks I’m crazy, but that has been my goal (perhaps "dream" is too strong a word) ever since I can remember. I have also wanted five children since the time I was about eight years old. I actually come from a family of four children, so maybe the fifth I want is an unconscious way of somehow "outdoing" my parents. that has often worried me because it's kind of what it sounds like, but I really don't feel that way. my parents were actually the ones who first brought it up, so I don't know. | low | high | low | high | low |
I do not know what to write about for twenty minutes. It took me so long to get a computer at this place, and I would like to E-mail my best friend in Arizona since I never get to see her. Well, I guess this is the coolest assignment that I have had so far since it doesn't require any thinking- well, it actually does. in fact, that's all this assignment is about. But, I mean it is not hard. I am really worried about my classes this semester. I feel like I have been going to school here for a while, but it has only been a week. I have a lot of reading to do. I think my classes are not too hard, but I KNOW THAT THEY WILL GET HARDER, I JUST HOPE THAT I DO WELL. Oops, I just turned the caps lock key, sorry! Well, I am now thinking about what I should eat for dinner. I am also thinking that I don't want to gain the freshman-15. I eat pretty healthy food in the cafeteria, but I eat a lot more than I did at home. but I guess since all of my classes are miles away from each other, I will be OK. My boyfriend is coming to see me sometime soon, I wish that he was here right now. I hope that he is doing OK because I wonder about him. He's always changing his mind about our whole relationship- whether he thinks it will work out or not. One minute, he is all for it, and another, he thinks it will never work because we are too far away from each other. Anyway, all I know is that I really care about him, and that I have to leave the rest up to God to figure out. I feel really exhausted right now because I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, and then I woke up and went to class after a cup of coffee, something I think I'll have to get used to drinking now that I am here. that's one thing I really miss about College Station, though (even though there can't possibly be that much to miss in a town like that except for the people) I miss the Java shakes I used to get at Sweet Eugene's, this coffee house I love so much. I thought that by coming to Austin, I would surely find a replacement for the Java shake, with all of the many coffee houses here, but I have yet to find something to beat it. Although I did find this shake called a "Skinny Banana Espresso Shake" at a coffee house on the drag called Metro. My really good friend Maria and I go there every Friday now to get one- it's like one of our new little Austin rituals, so we can make sure to stay close by seeing each other once in a while, and making an outing of it. It's really weird though how people you least expect to get so close to, you end up not being able to live without seeing! Maria and I haven't ever been this close, but lately, we have so much in common. I just hope this isn't one of those "since you're from my hometown, let's be best friends until I meet some other people" kind of thing. Ok I have about six minutes left, this is actually pretty cool, getting to know how my mind works and all. I already realize how many different topics my mind changes to in just 20 short minutes. I wish my mind did not wander off so many times, because that's really not good for my grades. Like sometimes in class, I will sit there thinking of my boyfriend instead of listening. But, then I go back to paying attention until I start wondering how my dog is doing all alone at home. Well, actually, I haven't thought about my dog during a class yet, but it could happen. Besides, I wanted to bring her up in some way in this little writing experiment, and that was the best way that I could think of. Anyway, as I was saying, I really hope that my dog does not die early since it is do lonely right now. My mom says she just sits on the staircase waiting for somebody to come home- that would be me or my brother. Ok, now I am thinking about me brother, who is the sweetest guy on earth. I hope that he is doing Ok right now. I thought that now that we live in the same city and all, we would actually get to see each other more, but we are so busy, I really don't get to see him until the weekends. Anyway, I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here to help me out. For example, I wouldn't have even known about this big computer lab. well, I am sure that I would have found out somehow, but I didn't have to find out myself. I mean, I don't want to be all dependent on him or anything, but I learn a lot from him, and I learn a lot on my own, too. Well, I think that my twenty minutes are up now. So maybe I will submit this and E-mail my friend Jimena. Or, maybe I won't. | low | high | high | high | low |
I just wrote for about 18 minutes and I accidentally cleared it all so I’m just going to write poetry. good enough. hey your glass is empty its a hell of a long way home . why don’t you let me take you its no good to go alone. I never would have opened up but you seemed so real to me. after all the bullshit I've heard its refreshing not to see. I don’t have to pretend . she doesn’t expect it from me. so don’t tell me why I haven’t been good to you. don’t tell me I haven’t been good to you. just tell me why nothing is good enough hey little girl would you like some candy . momma said its ok. the door is open come on outside . no I cant come out to play . its not the wind that cracked your shoulder . who’s there that makes you so afraid you’re shaking to the bone . you know I don’t understand you deserve so much more than this so just tell me why he’s never been good to you don’t tell me why he’s never been there for you. ill tell you that why is simply not good enough. I can be good to you and I will be there for you and ill show you why your so much more than good enough. that was just some stuff I made up in my head I hope it is what you were looking for in this stuff. | high | high | low | low | high |
This is my stream of consciousness writing for psychology class. I'm going to use periods and capitalize out of habit O. K. I had a dream two nights ago and I was at some Hollywood awards ceremony. This lady introduced me to kirstie Allie as I was sitting at a table. I looked over, and it was not Kirstie Allie but Andie Mcdowell, some other actress. Anyway, it was weird. Then on the very next night after that dream, I was watching a movie on T. V. and she was in it. I rarely see her on T. V. and I was astonished. It is very relevant, because I am reading a book right now called the Celestine Prophecy. This book is very cool. It talks about some ancient manuscript found in Peru that is going to change every human beings consciousness. It is very involved, but the first insight in this manuscript says that at the end of the 20th century people are going to become more and more aware of these coincidences. It is amazing because I have been having many of these lately such as that dream. Also, on the way over here I turned on my car, and I thought of this song by Jewel. I turned the station and that song was on the radio. Unbelievable, right? I don't think so, man,/. this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Ok I finished a focus question for history class before I came here and I also watched Seinfeld. It was the one where Jerry picks up a deaf lineswoman at a tennis match. George makes a mess of himself with an ice-cream sundae and they get it on T. V. George’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he doesn't know why then Kramer tells George alright I'm not gonna sit here and talk about Seinfeld for 20 minutes. I am so happy like not really just kidding alright wrong here we go alright You are all just a bunch of hacks. Lets get ready to rumble in the Bronx Joy boy girl swirl pearl grapes of wrath. Nietzche's theory on Dionysus man Let's call ourselves the Doors man. Like the doors in your mind, acid. Aldous Huxley. When the doors of perception are cleansed, we will see things as they truly are, immaculate. That was a line from Oliver stones, The Doors good flick. It is total irony how Jim Morrison has a poem where he says, Did you have a good life when you died, Enough to base the movie on. He must have known they would make a movie about him. Strange days. I'm taking Tai Chi classes. That should be very beneficial to me. I must do well in school this semester. Man that is a big deal to me Wow I'm really looking forward to the UCLA football game. It should be a good one. I really want a piece of glass you know. My grandmother died last week on the same night Princess Diana died. Was that some kind of luck, or what. I want to die at a reasonable age. Death, now there's something I could talk about Nope let's see Mi hermano no va a California para la funeral. Neither am I. Is that wrong, I don't think so. Man let's just increase the peace I can't believe I just said that There is a reason to live. We are all one consciousness functioning at different levels on the same paralysis of unending consequences of our reaction to the global warming issue in South America for the love of Peirre. They are going to read my thing and go nuts man. Who am I talking to. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone I think as if someone were with me. This is a good thing, for the love of my family is always going to be there. | high | high | low | low | high |
I cannot believe that I am actually writing and doing my assignment on a Saturday. I am actually right now in a friend's apartment and trying to talk to a friend before this assignment writing, and I got nowhere with my friend. I feel so bad for my friend, Jimmy. He is so depressed, but he won't even talk to me. I feel like I should be there to help him out, but he won't say anything. I guess that I should talk about myself and not about other people, but I am just so worried about him. I have been so extremely busy today. I woke up at 7 this morning. And I had to go to a BASIC meeting, which I am very involved in. I just happened to be 2 minutes late, and now I have to do something very humiliating in front of everyone next Friday. I guess I don't mind if I do it to learn not to be late anymore. Then I had to go see my cousin and his wife for lunch. I didn't want to go, but I felt compelled to go in order to show support for my cousins since he is a pastor of a new church. I am glad that I went because they are my family and they helped to support me when I needed them most. Actually, my friend Jimmy, which I just mentioned earlier, totally bailed on me when I asked him to help me move b/c he had a truck. I asked way in advance, and I called him the night before, and I even told him that he could back out and I wouldn't even mind. He actually said to my face I don't want to do it when I had driven all the way from Houston to Austin. I couldn't believe that he had said that! I was so mad! I mean for someone to make a promise and then say no really hurt my feelings. Then he said he would help, but only when he called an hour later. I got prideful, and I said that I would take care of it myself. Then I realized my pridefulness, and I prayed to God to break me down. He definitely showed me how I need to be more patient these days. I then called him back later and asked to borrow his truck if one of our mutual friends would drive the truck. Our mutual friend had before, but Jimmy somehow didn't want him to do that for some extremely strange and bizarre reason. it wasn't as if our friend hadn't driven his car before. I don't know. I then thought about and then prayed some more, and then I realized how he was nice enough to help me, even though he couldn't follow through with his promise. I went to California on vacation, and I had bought him a key chain b/c I knew how stressed he was. I put a little letter of apology, but he didn't even thank me for the gift, or even said that it was partly his fault for not helping to move. The fact was that if I wasn't living by myself, then I could have gotten more help. And if he said that he was too busy, I would have understood, but he said that he could. Everyone said that he should have been better about the situation. But he is so depressed and distraught and etc. I wished that he would ask for help sometimes and try so hard to handle everything by himself. I know that he is angry and bitter and mad at so many things and at so many people. I just don't understand why he is acting this way. I also have a feeling that he likes this girl who was an old roommate. Everyone knows. For some reason he is just acting more cranky and weird. we all think that he should just be open and honest. I hope that my (girl) friend can handle the situation well. She doesn’t happen to know, and I don't want her to have to be stressed out about something that might hurt the both of them. I just hope that everyone gets better. | low | high | low | high | high |
the end of this song is so weird. what was Andy on when he thought of it. now this song is pretty cool. it bumps. too bad my sax solo was gay. I think that funk is the coolest type of music. I can't believe that maceo parker is playing at antones. I am so there. I can't believe I remembered the number man, I wish I could get rid of my damn computer virus. what a pain. my knee hurts. I so stupid for busting it. I think that my dorm room has to be the coolest in jester. jeff is such a pimp. too bad he sounds kind of white. josh is the coolest though. he's just about the funkiest drummer I’ve ever played with. I don't know if I’m supposed to be pressing enter, but if I don't I start writing off of the screen. I think that I’m gonna like psychology. it's pretty interesting. I hope my stereo is bugging anybody. the concert tonight is gonna be cool. I just hope that I don't get killed. this song cracks me up. I gotta leave in 20 minutes. I better have a lot of sugar to keep me awake. I can't believe how tired I was last night. maybe I should have slept over at the girls place. I got to record my CD and send it to b. I’ve gotta find out when I need to take defensive driving. these pizza rolls are so good. man, jester food sucks. the only good thing is the cereal. salads are ok. the pizza is decent too. my new hat sucks. it's really uncomfortable. my brother is so whipped. me and my twin brother aren't really a lot alike. he is so disgusting when he's around his girlfriend. I guess that keyboarding class paid off. paid or paid. ly or lie. die or. . . well maybe not. what the hell am I talking about. this is a pretty crazy assignment. over half way done. it pisses me off when my posters fall off of my wall. CD’s over. what do I want now. how 'bout a little screaming headless torsos. they are the coolest. jo jo meyer is the most amazing drummer in the world. too bad I can't go to the first game. I still gotta get that sports package. some much to do, so little time. almost done now. my mind has gone blank. I’ve got to wash my clothes. if I don't do that tomorrow, I’m gonna smell all damn week. I’ve got to read a lot this weekend. this is boring. I’m sure who ever might read this cares very little about what I’m saying. oh well. looks like my time is up now. just gotta push the submit button. bye. | high | high | high | high | low |
Right now I'm thinking how much easier it would be to write assignment number 2. If there are no right or wrong things to write, I guess I should not worry. I believe I worry too much. It is hard to make this paragraph line up, the ends of each line that is. Right I feel blank but the nice thing is since I wrote it out, my assignment is not a blank. If all assignments were this easy, I'd worry less. I'm hot, hungry and tired. All a result of college life I guess. So far, the class has been interesting. I have a feeling the class will get more serious. I generally stay away from computers, technology intimidates me. I like the simple things in life but the entire world is advancing so I must. For example, I am turning an assignment through the internet. Its pretty crazy to me. My typing is slowing due to an interest in a video that is on and extreme hunger. I be hitting the submit button now. | high | low | low | low | high |
I returned to Austin Monday night at about 12:30 a. m. thinking I would be able to simply crawl into bed. Wrong. Upon opening the door to my room I was mugged by an extremely intoxicated friend. Her name was Sally and the source of her angst was my best friend Sean. They, as I am, are both from Houston. They had broken up their one-year relationship two weeks before they were to leave for UT. Unfortunately, they both reside in the private dormitory The Castilian. Unfortunately only because there is an exorbadent amount of tension between them, and I being friends with both of them, am forced into an awkward situation. Sally declares she is "so totally over Sean" and is willing to forgive, forget, and become friends. Simultaneously, she has been extra nice to me, extra offense to Sean, and picked up a nasty habit - getting totally plastered every night she has been in Austin. She has a lot of frustration with Sean, and regardless of what she thinks, needs to find more positive ways of venting it. Sean's feelings toward Sally are fickle and skeptical. Sean addresses some interesting questions Sally is unable to answer. Such as, why all of a sudden do you want to be "friends", what do expect from our friendship, and why did you suddenly latch onto Bryan as a friend. Sally's motives remain unclear and yet she doesn't seem to want to discuss any of the many issues at large. In turn, this makes the situation of the three of us living within 20 seconds of each other an awkward one. Am I to take a side? Most definitely not!!! I refuse! Yet how can I befriend both Sally and Sean without functioning as a mediator. This is one of the many issues that trouble me and make the transition from High School to Huge UT College life challenging. Thank you. | high | high | high | high | high |
It is Tuesday night, about 8 o'clock, and I don't really have time to do this assignment but I know that I have to so I'm going to do it anyway. I'm about ready to throw this computer off the desk right now because I am so mad. I have the most annoying boyfriend in the world whom I want to kill. Not really kill, maybe just hurt really bad. He thinks he knows everything in the world and he doesn't, nor will he admit that he acts this way. Everyone around him can see this accept him. It really bothers me. When I try to tell him he just says "whatever, I don't think I know everything" but he really does act this way. It bothers me so much sometimes that I get so upset and frustrated that I want to cry. But O well. There is nothing I can do about it and he is to stubborn to even listen to me so I guess I can either find a way to deal with it or not. And if I can't or if he doesn't change I guess this relationship will fail after almost 2 years. What a waste. O well, I tried. I guess we will have to wait and see. So anyway that is what is on my mind right now and I can't believe that I have been writing for almost 20 minutes. It seems like 5 or 10. That is pretty nifty. I like this assignment alot. It made me feel alot better, so gracias. I'm kinda worried that something might happen to this and whoever is going to grade this won't ever get it. I have really bad luck like that. I guess I'll find out at class next time. Hopefully my social security number will be on the big list. If not, I guess I'm screwed. I wonder if anybody is going to read this ? I hope not. I will sound pretty dumb. Maybe everyone else will to. Guess what the buzzer for 20 minutes is going crazy so even though it has been great, I must depart. So long till tomorrow. | low | high | high | high | high |
I’m tired, stressed and I really don't feel all that good right now. my stomach hurts but I’m tired. I feel pressured. pressure from everywhere. school, work, life. how do I know what I’m doing with my life is what I was meant to do? I love amy she means the world to me. I wish that I hadn't broke up with her last year. it ruined a lot of things in my life. but I thought that I would be happier with someone else and I was for a short period of time but not a day went by that I didn't think about amy and wonder if she is really the one. I miss my grandpa who died on the first day of school this year. I’ve had a really tough time dealing with his death. I guess I just thought that he would never die. after all grandparents aren't supposed to (I think). I just have a hard time dealing with death. but paw paw is most assuredly in heaven right now looking down on me making sure I’m living my life as a Christian. I will see him again, I know! the thing is that paw paw really loved amy and she loved him. we were together for almost two years before I broke up with her for selfish reasons which I never found out what they were. I hate to be alone so I started dating janna who is a nice girl but I knew that it was all wrong but I enjoyed the companionship, which is wrong but was good because it helped me to realize that amy is the one for me. the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. paw paw knew it. how ironic it was that I broke up with janna only one day before paw paw died and began seeking love from amy. he would have wanted us together. but I messed up and things are hard now, she still loves me but she is afraid to trust me. I need her! | low | low | high | high | high |
Right now I am thinking about my girlfriend and what she is doing. Why is this guy behind me being so loud in the study center. I almost forgot how to spell "center. " This guy is trying to be as loud as possible. What is going on tonight? I sure do have a lot of homework. Why doesn't this guy get a megaphone so he can be even louder? Shut up Please! I hate this kid. Why is this girl laying on the couch doing her homework? I had fun last night. I wonder what my roommate did. This guy is really pissing me off. What the hell is his problem? I swear to everything that is holy if he does not shut up I will make the next four years of his life a living nightmare. What is my friend Jeremy doing right now? This is boring. Not hard though. This seems so stupid of a time. It's only been five minutes I still have fifteen more to go. What classes do I have tomorrow? SHUTUP ASSHOLE!!! I have Calculus and English. One hour classes not too bad. I am tired. I am going to take a nap later. I am getting tired of writing. Getting sleepy. What is this guy next to me doing? This guy that walked in is a real dork. I wonder what he did last night. Only ten minutes to go. This jerk is moaning out loud now. What is he thinking? I am going to kill him. This guy's headphones are way too loud. I am hungry. Why? I just ate. I am getting tired of waiting. This is boring. Only eight more minutes that I have to listen to this inconsiderate bastard. That guy wants that girl. I am through now. I am going to my room to sleep. | low | low | low | low | high |
and now its time to write about this wonderful stream of consciousness stuff that we learned about in our high school English class and about all the greats like william faulkner. you know, its kind of annoying that I should have to hit enter at the end of each line as though this were a typewriter, you might look into the text instructions for this window in the original scripting to see if it can be made to auto-return like some of the others do, but this is still a rather well laid out page and method of submitting a psych project. kudos to you. I wish my other teachers would do this. so what am I thinking about. well there's the Washington/Pittsburgh football game on TV right now. I have no idea whose winning or anything like that because I’m not really paying THAT much attention to it or anything but Washington did make a great touchdown a while ago (aha! Washington’s in the lead thirteen to seven) marvelously exciting I know. lets see. what else. well now here's a good one. I have to write this bioethics paper about an case study (why don’t the delete options work properly in this window) on this couple who undergo an "amniocentesis" test on their newly discovered child (don’t worry its still in her womb) and they find out that the child has a genetic disorder called turner syndrome. what I have to do is write about this case and give my Prof. an opinion one way or the other as to whether the couple should abort the fetus or keep it. which means in turn that I have to come to some sort of conclusion as to my beliefs on abortion. what a task. what a mind-consuming task but then maybe I shouldn’t tell you that I’m thinking of something other than my psych writing, but then again, I don’t imagine you would expect us (I’m not referring to myself as us, but rather the class (hate for you to think I’m schizo or something)) to focus directly on the task at hand since as best as I can tell the task at hand is not focusing on the task at hand quite specifically so and another thing, whenever fox sports shows a little window w/ player stats they play this obnoxious little theme music blurb on piano and I've heard it at l a million times and its starting to grate on my brain or something. so back to biomedical ethics: everything that I have been taught tells me that abortion is wrong for all the reasons and everything, but is it fair to bring a life into the world w/ such a condition. but then again, there are many things much worse than turners syndrome. like what if she was born a democrat. that would suck. and now my friend from back home has just sent me a message on icq. she’s a nice person. not incredibly attractive but very loving and compassionate. but none the less, a wonderful friend. she’s still at home right now b/c she’s going to UCLA and school doesn’t start until like the end of September or something. she got a job but I think she’s still bored as hell just sitting around talking with the little kids who are still in high school and she gets to hear them complain about the orchestra director and all that nonsense. I just explained to her what I’m doing. the internet is a wonderful thing I think. I can talk to a friend for free in almost real-time over icq (another great thing in the internet) any time that I want to. and now there's one of those funny Joe Namath commercials on TV. they’re just a hoot. well, my twenty minutes are just almost up, so I think that ill be off now. its been real fun chatting with you. have a nice day and all that. | high | low | low | low | high |
okay I hope this works because I already did this assignment but some one called in and took me off line and erased my entire message. ooo frustration and things haven't been going exactly right lately anyway. Ooo this key board is really dirty, I should clean it. should what a funny word. I should do lots of things. Sunday morning, man it is hot. my ac was out for the last two days, but it is on now so this world is alot nicer. I am in a better mood. I feel relaxed this morning, peaceful. Sundays seem to do that to me, especially when the Monday is going to be a holiday. The fan is blowing on me and I feel great. I ran this morning 8 miles around town lake and it has to be one of the hottest mornings yet. wow, very sticky. I felt exhausted and sick when I was done, but nothing water couldn't fix. The radio is on in my room the TV in the living room and my roommate’s radio in her room. many a noises going through my head. Oh I need to change my calendar page tomorrow, I just noticed that. august is over, wow that went fast. each year seems to go faster then the last. I can remember being 16 thinking college would never come and now I am a junior and college is almost over! what happened. dishes I need to do the dishes before I leave today. I am going out to my ranch to meet up with my family for the day. Why is there chocolate in my bed? That is odd. The arch of my foot hurts. no good. can't have that for running. tomorrow there is a 4 mile race around town lake. 7:30 am. maybe I’ll run in that, maybe I’ll actually sleep in one day. I haven't yet. not really since last spring semester. It was the busiest summer that I have had in a long time. poof. Oh I need to write Andy a letter. I keep forgetting. It was nice to talk with him yesterday. especially since he paid the bill. That always helps. I have quite the movie collection going now I just noticed all my cassettes. I don't like this song playing now. hey the TV went off. I don't want to drive today. I am tired of driving. My relaxed attitude seems to be disappearing. I am beginning to think of all the readings I have to begin doing. I took 15 hours this summer so I am tired. what happened to that thing called break? I think it forgot me, but I had a great summer. can't complain, plus now I am that much more along. I am glad I did what I did. The list for Wal-Mart just was delivered to me by my roommate. hmmm what do I need or want, diet dr. pepper I have to have that stuff. yum, great for the caffeine. well the day should be one of reading and talking. I love the weekend life. Talk again with you later. Good bye. | high | high | high | low | high |
welcome to your life, there's no turning back, even while we. we will . whatever. I don't know all the words to everybody wants to rule the world, but that's the song on the radio right now. I can't recall ever hearing a song that I didn't like on KGSR. I think that I'll stay in Austin this summer so that I can continue to listen to it. I really missed it last summer, when I didn't really do anything. no, adi can't check his mail. he needs to get his own computer, but then again, so do I. so back to the point, there isn't one, Adi is not impressed with my psychology assignment. he wants to check his mail. that is why he is bitter. he won’t leave me alone to concentrate on my stream of consciousness or however you spell it. Lyle is not a man. she is the only girl I've ever met named Lyle. Adi will not stop talking about her, I don’t know what his fascination is with her, except that she is very attractive and other things. but that's all I have to say about her, because she is just my very nice friend. I honestly don't care, adi. I’m not lying, I know exactly what my feelings are. adi needs to get the hell out of here. by the way, his real name is aditya, but Americans can't pronounce that. maybe he should go back to India. like tonight. I hate the commercials on KGSR though. which is why I keep a CD ready for the ten minute commercial times. red shirt Sara, as she's known, was talking about marriage today, I think. that's really scary, since she's only 18, and also because if she marries any one, it should be me. at least for a few days. and Karen hasn’t been around much, but she's kind of out of it anyway. rosy cheeks. Jason has large speakers for his computer. which don't really have any meaning for me, since I never play computer games or do other things with them. I only check my email obsessively, although I usually don't ramble as much, unless I'm emailing my friend Tara, who I tell alot of useless information to. my stream of consciousness is rather boring, as I've learned in past jobs. I've had to entertain myself before while working long hours with no one else around at non engaging tasks. I usually sing whatever song is on my mind until I want to kill myself. (not really-which I should mention since you are psychologists)it's just that these songs get on my mind and won't go away, and all I can do is sing them over and over again. also I sometimes translate them into French. it always seems like I've accomplished something after I've done that. twenty minutes is a long time to just type. at least I have the radio on to give me some sort of stimulation, something to type about. adi has since left the room, which is why what I type is no longer influenced by the things (girls) he is talking about, or rather, about which he is talking. Its hard not to end your sentence with a preposition while typing a stream of consciousness thing, it's also difficult to spell consciousness correctly. I think I need to hear the new Sundays CD, it sounds really good, at least the one song that I've heard from it. I haven't bought a CD in a few weeks now, my last one being an older Poi Dog Pondering CD that I like a lot. my hands are beginning to hurt a little now. fortunately I only have two minutes left. I wonder how many people wrote about how much longer they had left. I know you can type longer, and I'd love to, except I have other homework and my hands hurt in addition to other excuses that I have available. so now I'm going to count to sixty, and that'll be twenty minutes. 60,549. 58,47. 56,55,54,53. that's getting old, although that really was what was going through my mind, only I couldn't really count down and type at the same time, I'll try again with the ten key. 60,590,58,57,56,55,545,53,52,52, no, that takes way too much concentration, but at least now I've exceeded twenty minutes. by one minute. thank you. | high | low | high | high | low |
After spending almost an hour trying to get my computer at home to work on-line, I finally got here. So what do I say? Well, I guess everybody says that the first time that they do this assignment. I guess all that is going through my head right now is the advancement of the classroom. I am actually fulfilling an assignment by typing on the internet. I think it is pretty cool, though I am a little worried about what the future has to offer. The future is probably a real uncertain thing for me. I do not know where I will be in ten years or even ten months from now. Will college work out for me? Will I change my major from Advertising to Design and back again or will I totally steer from the graphic arts which I so dearly love and take up a new love or hidden talent. Well, I do not know. I guess that it is all the future really is to me, just a bunch of questions with unclear and vague answers. It is probably the same way for everyone else, at least I hope. What else do I want to type on my new fancy Compaq laptop? I don't know? As I ponder this a song I heard today keeps coming out and no matter what I do I cannot get it out of my head. And as the case always is I can only remember a few lines, while I try to hum the rest. "Blue skies -- all of them gone -- nothing but blue skies from now on" and that is all I can remember. When I come to think of it I really never heard this song today or anything, it just popped into my head. It is from With Honors, my most favorite movie of all time. I don't no whether it is the actors I like, the music, or the emphasis on Walt Whitman, one of my favorite poets, along with everybody else. Everytime I take a pause the song starts coming into my head again. When I really listen to the words of the song it is talking about your future, pretty coincidental, I might add. It is almost scary! But that is what I am going to have in my future, nothing but "blue skies". I think that that is too optimistic for my blood. I am usually the glass-is-half-empty-kind-of-guy. And I do not know -- DARNIT I HIT THAT CAPS LOCK BUTTON FOR THE MILLIONTH TIEM AGAIN. I hat that when I am typing really fast and the ideas are flowing and then -WAM- you hit the caps lock button or some other button that makes you take time and fix what is in caps or something else. To totally get off the subject or anything, but it is a really beautiful day out, today. If it wasn't so hot outside I probably would be outside right now, instead of in here typing this - whatever it is? Speaking of being hot. It just me or does it just keep getting hotter as you walk all the way across campus for a class. Well I guess it is better than rain. I always want the grass on the other side of the fence -- my mother says to me all the time. I informed her the other day that I was going to have a better life when I become rich and famous. As I soon found out that I shouldn't have brought up this subject to my mother, because she spouted for the millionth time that the "Grass is not always greener on the other side. " I totally do not agree with that. I just told her that I want things to be better and that you always need to strive for the best and I think that there is nothing wrong with that. My hands are starting to hurt! I think I am going to stop. I feel sorry for the person who has to sit down and read this. Well I bid you farewell. And may all your skies be blue! | low | high | low | low | high |
wow, I want to go talk to the socialist organization they have a booth out on the west mall, but I am scared. I called them a long time ago. do they remember? I was supposed to go to that march but I didn't I hope they don't remember me-as not showing up-I’ll go in a little while. I hope the toadies don't open up for rage on Saturday, the toadies don't deserve to open up for a band like rage-rage has energy and pizzazz. the toadies suck, they're okay. i dunno, that boy looks like Andy, I don't know what to write, I am trying to write whatever pops into my head first, I wonder what they're gonna do with this I thought he was sam, I look around at people a lot, I wonder what people think o f me when they see me, I think I am pretty thin, but I have a poofy stomach. liposuction would be great, what am I gonna say when I go up to the socialists? hello? I am ericka, I called one of you before--was it you? no no no --I just have to be calm, why am I so nervous? my stomach is tying up in knots. breath in , gosh that's so lame that the wu tang clan cancelled, they suck, why did they do that, I wanted to see the, live- then I could say I’ve seen them, I’ve seen rage, Stanford prison experiment, mighty mighty bosstones, pietasters, h2o, cherry poppin daddies, miss xana don't and the whatevers, less than jake, discount, frenzal rhomb, the impossibles. I have probably seen others, but I dunno, I like shows, Kim goes to all the ones I go to but I haven't even met her in person yet, only on the computer, how weird the computer brings people together, maybe I’ll write her tomorrow, or today, I don't have much time lately, I am sleepy, I want to hang out with people, especially boys, they are my friends more than girls although I am one, we get naked in front of each other, we spit, burp, fart, we are comfortable or at least I am, I wonder if they look at me like one of them, well I guess so, if we do those sorts of things. I am pretty much a boy, sometimes I wish I was, but I like being a girl, no not when it's time to bleed, but see, I can have a baby, and do other things they can't, I love boys, I love Andy, gosh I wish he was here so I could take him down to the socialist table with me I think he knows them, I hope they don't leave, I am going to go when I finish this typing thingy, I can type pretty fast, she looked like Chris, why hasn't she called me, is she in Dallas? I hope Matt didn't leave he probably did, I had a dream he left, I bet he left, he didn't say bye, I hope he emails me, I hope he doesn't forget me, I hope he has fun in merry old England the princess' funeral is on Saturday, I am glad it's on TV. how sad that was, those freak photographers killed her. paparazzi assassins, he is nevermind. cramps hurt my body bad, but only recently, I wonder why---I never got them before. I am just unlucky what an unlucky girl am I --three more minutes of this, my fingers are getting tired next I will get on the list serve for my juvenile delinquency class, then I will talk to the socialists I hope my breath isn't bad I have chicken breath, but I was in a hurry after lunch. no time no time for picking my butt just do it I hope they're still there when I go down, if they aren't I dunno, I hope Jaime likes me, I kinda like him. I hope I have been writing long enough I think so adios | high | high | high | low | high |
9/8/97 Yeah, I've finally gotten around to doing this assignment. I hope I do o. k. Oh whoops, I forgot to check my watch to see when I need to stop. O. k. it's 1:50 so I will stop at 2:10. I just double spaced at the end of that period. I remember learning how to do that in my 8th grade computer class. Oh gosh, what if this is too short? I'm a really slow typer, but this is really fun. The girl next to me is typing so fast, maybe I will be that good by the end of this year. There is a boy now walking around with a blank expression on his face. I wonder where he is going. After this I am going to my room and working on some homework. I like how the keys on this computer feel when I type. I miss my computer at my house, but anyway. This is fun, because I'm so used to typing in an organized fashion where everything is structured. I mean this assignment is structured, but our writing doesn't have to be. My left eye itches, but I'm afraid you touch it because I don't want to waste any time on my assignment. My watch just beeped which means that it is now 2:00, and I have ten minutes left. Wow, a loud buzzer just went off, maybe someone messed up a computer or something. Someone just rattled his change which reminds me that I have only a little bit of money left for the week. I hope I'm writing enough. This is as fast as I can go. I wonder if you really read these or just skim through them. It said this was a completion grade, good. I'll work on the other assignment tomorrow afternoon. the line now for waiting has gotten really long. Thank goodness it is air-conditioned in here. My left eye still hurts and is making me blink. I wonder what the others in here are working on? I wonder what my parents are doing right now? They are probably both already at home. I hope they find a place to stay for parents weekend. Gosh, that sounds so freshman. I only have 5 more minutes left. There is no way the teacher reads all of these. The t. a. must help. I like Scott. I went to one of his study sessions. My nails are long and I wanted to get a manicure. I wonder how many in the class have finished this assignment? Typing is very therapeutic, I feel a lot more relaxed now. I hope I've typed enough. The girl next to me is leaving. I have 2 minutes left. I just checked my watch. I'm kind of sleepy. I think I will go to bed early tonight. Yeah, tonight David Letterman is on. He's my favorite. Oh, my time is up. I'll be back tomorrow to work on the next homework!!! | high | high | low | low | low |
I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here "doing nothing" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. | low | low | low | low | high |
I am constantly thinking about the past. I often think about the good things that have occurred in my highschool years. I feel really sad because I miss my family so bad. I am always thinking about how I never get in trouble anymore because my parents aren't here to get mad at me whenever I come home late. I feel so lonely here. nobody knows anybody. Everywhere I turn I see different faces that I probably wont ever see again this semester. I feel so depressed because my boyfriend is gone. I am always dreaming about being together again, but its not going to happen ever because we just broke up. I miss him so bad and I can't ever be with him anymore just because I have too much darn pride. I wish I didn't have so much pride. PRIDE gets me nowhere all it does is leave you wondering What could have been? or where would I be standing now with him had I not been so proud. I am so sad, but then again I would rather have alot of pride than no pride at all. I wonder what I’m going to do with my life. Everybody seems to know exactly what they are good at. I don't!! I'm totally lost I don't know what I’m the best at. How are you supposed to know what career is the best one to choose. I want to do good in school but people don't work to the best of their ability unless they have certain goals. I'm not determined. I don't know if I will be successful dancing ballet or operating on some dying person. I'm too confused. I'm happy I have my brother I love him so much I don't know what I would do without him. I’m really hungry . I didn't have breakfast, lunch or dinner because I was too mad about my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend I should say. I can't think or sleep or eat I don't know what to do should I let go of all of this pride that I have? NO, it will be better for me in the longrun. Why do people get hurt so much. I don't understand my mind knows that things happen for a reason. I know deep down inside that for some reason this happened and that things will get better, but I’m hurting so bad inside and I still want to smile at people and say hi to my friends even when I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't understand why I have to feel horrible and my friends are all having a blast. Why do some people live the best life and others don't get it so easily. It's not fair to have some people be happy all the time and others who are born without an arm or who's parent's have died or who have some sickness why them and not me for example? | low | low | high | low | low |
I just got finished with my Spanish homework and now I can think in English. I don't really care for Spanish very much other than its ability to help me understand another language. Before that I was writing email to friends of mine at other schools. It is a great comfort to be able to have communication with them. If I didn't have email I probably wouldn't be able to because making long distance phone calls is extremely expensive. I just found out that one of my friend's friend is quitting school. I don't understand that. Giving up an education seems ridiculous to me. Gold fishes are also ridiculous. My neighbor has oh wait, had two goldfish. One of them died last night. Gold fish are infamous for being fair-weather fish. One minute they are there and the next minute they are floating down the toilet bowl to a watery grave or a Pepsi commercial. I now have been writing for five minutes and I wish I could stop looking at the clock. I took a computer assisted English class last semester and I am not the least bit more comfortable working with a computer because of the experience. One of my projects last semester had to do with the Tick. He is a huge cartoon super hero dressed in blue spandex and often takes adventures, or nightmares, into the inner workings of his mind, he also has antenna which are referred to as those "things" on the cartoon by his cohorts. My little sister likes the tick as well but I don't think she understands alot the humor in it, most of its pretty stupid I will admit. My sister just learned how to say her ABC’s in Spanish last week and wanted to repeat them to me over the phone. the way she says "w" is really cute. My brother just got married this past summer and I don't know what to think of his wife, she is cool and all but sometimes acts a little strange. but I am not really a judge of strange since I have been called that myself a time or two. Actually I think everyone is called strange, or weird, at one point or another because sooner or later each person takes a detour from what would be their own normal thing. Like my mom actually wanting me to buy an expensive gift for a friend, when she would normally suggest a nice greeting card, or package of candy. Ten minutes. It is amazing how often people look at the clock. My batteries went dead awhile back and I don't really miss it very much, granted I took my sister's Mickey mouse watch every now and then, in fact I think it is my room right now, but time often feels insistent and that can be stressful. Kind of like how I have time constraint on when and when not to write this assignment. My calf muscles are incredibly sore and I have been complaining about them all day. My roommate said that I shouldn't complain because I was the one who willingly went to an aerobics class yesterday. Well I was unaware that aerobics works out the calf muscles so much, if I had know that this was how I was going to feel the day afterward then it certainly would have made me think twice. 15 minutes. The MTV movie awards are on tonight and I don't know if I really want to watch them or not. Its just a bunch of funny people dressed in funny clothes prancing around telling everybody how cool they are, I get enough of that with going to school here, just kidding. I will probably watch it anyway. My neighbors are pretty cool, even the one with minus on fish. I sure hope it didn't die because she didn't feed it, or over fed it. I don't see the purpose of a goldfish, I like cats much better and will probably own the type of cat that will eat goldfish, even though that is disgusting. I just got a new kitten this past summer and her name was quesadilla, but now it is bob. What ever happened to quesadilla I will never know. I guess my dad and mom just couldn't hang with a name that made no sense. Well it made sense to me, because she was found two days old behind my brothers restaurant, and they have the best quesadillas there. 20 minutes. | high | low | low | high | high |
Okay, I've begun writing. One thing I should probably point out as I recall the above statement about disregarding grammar is that I spend so much time typing on the computer that editing grammar and punctuation as I type are second nature to me, so it's not like I've gone back and fixed all the errors. Which doesn't mean that there probably aren't any run on sentences in here. Okay. That's been said. Right now my roommate is being fairly loud. I find that bothersome. I'm not sure if he's stupid or inconsiderate. I'd rather be at home right now. I was spoiled by having to do little to no work over the summer and now I'm having trouble getting the motivation to do anything. It made the summer more fun at the time, but it was maybe not such a good idea. Ideas are like that because of that whole 20/20 hindsight thing. I'm looking at the vents on the side of my computer and for some reason it struck me that they look like gills. I'm not looking forward to having to do the other writing assignment. Which is not to say I think it'll be difficult, but this assignment requires almost no discipline. The other one will require me to have directed thought, and that's not really that big a deal, but it's one thing to sit down ready to do a task and another thing to attempt the task when you know exactly how long you're supposed to be doing it. What I mean to say is that the time will seem to pass more slowly because I'll be watching the clock, so I'll probably be more bored, and I don't like to be bored. I'm not very far into this but my train of thought seems to have stopped. Probably because my roommate(or actually suitemate; I have a room to myself but share a refrigerator, microwave and two bathrooms with two other guys)keeps playing random notes on his guitar and someone else in his room is speaking very loudly. It wouldn't be so bad if he'd just shut his door, but for some reason he hasn't thought of that. They've wandered outside his room and are now talking very loudly outside of my door now. Now they seem to have left, so maybe I can concentrate. No, that didn't work. I've found it previously difficult to make my mind blank intentionally, but now it seems to come quite easily. I think probably I'm tired. The cable system here has more cable changes than the cable at my home, so when there's nothing else to do I usually watch something like Comedy Central late at night and shave a few hours off of a healthy amount of sleep. That's better; time's passing quickly now. Which I normally wouldn't like, but this is something I wouldn't have done if it wasn't a grade(no offense to anyone involved in this research)and when you're forced to do something you want it to end quickly. I think the air conditioning in this dorm is screwed up. It's hot right now, and I had to buy a fan earlier to keep it semi-cool in my room. It doesn't work all the time. Like right now. The fan's blowing on me, but I'm not cool. There he goes again. I think my roommate's playing 'Sympathy for the Devil' now. Which isn't so bad, because that's a good song. I tried to learn the piano once, but I didn't stay on it for very long. I found that the teacher was really good for nothing, because I could learn everything she taught from the book itself. But when I stopped going to lessons I found too many other things to occupy my time, and stopped practicing. I would have liked to have been able to play the keyboard parts in several Rolling Stones songs. And several other of the 'older' bands' songs. Most modern music is pretty much no good. And that brings an end to my twenty minutes. | low | low | low | low | high |
I just sat down at a computer in the lobby of srd, which is where I live. I just finished checking my e-mail since my computer in my room has not yet been equipped with an Ethernet. My boyfriend e-mailed me because he just got home. He goes to Baylor. He hates it there, though, and wants to transfer here in the spring. I am perturbed by the method of typing this computer is set up with. why doesn't it automatically wrap to the beginning on the visible screen. sorry, I can be really anal at times. I am sorry if this looks messed up, but I couldn’t figure out how this works. sorry again. I sure am glad this isn't going to be graded, or else my body paragraph would get an "f". I really miss my boyfriend. I am nervous about my dance-team tryout today. I don't know if I am in good enough shape to make the team. I haven't danced in like four months, and I am really out of shape. I am adjusting pretty good I guess to the whole college experience. I have made many new friends , and already have done things with them. for example, my friend heather and I are going shopping at the mall at 4 to get my boyfriend a birthday present. I am misspelling words right and left huh. I am kinda excited about learning psychology. the brain chapter, I hear, is confusing, but all of the case studies should be interesting I have no more classes today, but I need to finish reading my chapter one in psych. and my chapter two in chemistry. My boyfriend cam for a visit this weekend. I think he had a good time. We went out to eat at El arroyos, which was rumored to have good Tex-Mex food. They were right, alright. some of the best I've ever tasted. we then went to comedy sports, an improv club at northcross mall. it was hysterical. the members of the teams respond to impromptu suggestions from the audience. He stayed with friends at towers and called me the minute he woke up on Saturday. he came over to srd and we went shopping on the drag. I got two T-shirts, a baseball cap, and two books from the co-op. he got some u. t. memorabilia to take home with him to try and persuade his parents to let him come here in the spring. he is going to have a tough time explaining it to them, I think, because they will undoubtedly think that the only reason he wants to come here is because I’m here. I don't know how much weight that pulls in his decision, but I hope that isn't the basis for his decision. he started out at Baylor because they are said to have a good pre-med program, which is ultimately his goal. he met with the hpo office while he was here, and met with an advisor about the science program here. he was impressed that it was so similar to Baylor's. We then went over to the admissions office so that he could meet with someone about credits needed to transfer and other such items. He needs 24 hours to transfer, and after fall he will have 26, so he hopes to be accepted as a transfer student. Amy just walked in and said Hi!. now she looked at my screen I'm not crazy, I am doing stream of consciousness assignment for pschology. as she nods. she is a nice girl. she lives down the hall from me. I needed to get this done today because I have plans for the rest of the week after Wednesday, since this is a two day assignment. I should've recorded what time I started typing, huh! that would have been beneficial. I’m retarded in that sense. i mean sometimes I have no common sense. I wonder what my grades will be like this semester. I am used to straight A’s, and I hope I can accomplish this in college as well. I need to petition my AP grades sometime soon, but I don't know when or where. oh, well, I’ll look it up somewhere, and get it done. I need to do some laundry today, too. I am running out of plain little T-shirts, what's a girl to do. maybe I’ll find something cute while I’m shopping today. I hoe my boyfriend ( jaron is his name, if you wanted to know) likes his present. i think I am going to get him a ring from james avery and have it engraved. always. that is what I am engraving into it. so he'll remember. I am kinda sore from my dance class this morning. all we are doing is stretching but it takes alot out of me. I need to take a shower this evening sometime, cuz I am still kinda sweating from walking from like the stadium back home. in case you didn't know I live at 27th and the drag, so its a good hike to and from classes. I think I have been typing for twenty minutes so I am going to submit this. I wonder what happens if I didn't type for twenty minutes. what if I don't get credit. maybe I’ll keep going for another minute. I checked my mailbox when I came in, and I didn't have any new packages. my dad supposedly sent one on Friday, but it hasn't arrived yet. I think I am running out of things to say, so I’ll let you go on to whoever's paper is next in line. | low | high | high | low | high |
pennebaker I used to think it was spelled pennebaker and I couldn’t logon to the web page cause I kept spelling it wrong, silly me. but that’s the story of my life I guess, one time, I thought I was going to psy class, but I had the day wrong, and I ended up going to a chemistry class!! and I said to the guy next to me, "is that the usual guy who teaches?" and he goes, "yeah" duh. and my eyes are pretty bad and so I was like, okay. and then well, he started talking about chemistry, and that's when I realized that I had the wrong day and was in the wrong class. but I was such a nincompoop, for some reason, I just didn't want to leave the class, maybe it was the really hot girl who sat down next to me, yeah, I guess it was probably her, but anyway I ended up staying in there and finding the class very interesting, and so I wouldn't look like a freshman, which of course I am, I started to take notes. you know, I won't keep them or anything, but I couldn't just sit there while this guy was giving this awesome lecture and not take notes!!! especially when that girl next to me was taking notes so fast like. but there's too many girls are this school. I mean, wait, I mean, too many girls who think they're pretty and try to hard. maybe there's too many guys in the same class, I wouldn't know. but like, I find it amazing. I mean, of course, in highschool, they're were girl who tried so hard to impress everyone and make themselves so beautiful, and all us guys were like the ones who try the hardest are the ones who fail the hardest!!! fail meaning don't do a good job of making them selves look good. I don't know, I just always preferred the beautiful ones who didn't have to paste on the makeup on for hours every morning. sometimes, I would and still wonder how long it takes a particular girl to get ready to go to a college class. it looks like it takes them FOREVER! it's amazing, I just get up, take a shower, do the person hygiene things that everyone does, put some clothes on, and go. I don't know. maybe I should spend more time getting myself prettier. I just find it disgusting, that's all. and one time, one of my friend sent me this email with the most awful, brutal, disgusting pictures I’ve ver seen. I was so depressed for like days after I saw them. I don't know what they were of, I mean, if it was a war or what not. but it was these pictures of people who were dead, and they way the died, it was just horrid. I mean, I’ve seen some nasty deadly pictures of hanging and shooting people and everything, but these were just simply horrid. and I never get sad or depressed these days, at least not any more. I used to be though. and get this, it was cause of a girl that I was so depressed!! can you believe that!? I was going out with her, right, and it was all good, and then one day she said not any more, and I couldn't believe it. it was such a shock, I was amazed, and therefore depressed for like, well, for months, probably around 6 months were I felt that I was leading two separate lives!! it was horrible. and you know, with things like that, the only thing that helps is time. lots of it. I guess that’s what my uncle is going through. uuhh, lemme see, I think it was probably about 5 months ago, maybe more, maybe less, my cousin was at a party where many illegal substances were being used, cocaine, speed, you know, those terrible drugs. he ended up getting in to a fight over the use of a telephone with some African American male (my cousin and I are Hispanics, well, I’m just half Hispanic and half white, but he was pure blood) and they got into a fight, and the African American guy ended up stabbing my cousin and killing him. it was instant or anything, my cousin was a really big guy. strong and big and everything. he had a wife and a daughter. she's so beautiful. she had no idea what was going on at her fathers funeral. I mean, she's old enough to walk and talk and stuff like that, but she was clueless. and so I was I for that matter. she probably understood it more than I I did the more I think about it. his funeral was so so, well, the most beautiful and sad thing I’ve ever seen in my life. that's what my mom said about princess Diana’s death, but it pertains to this as well, at least for me. we buried him. in a cemetery, next to some family members. he was 21. it wasn't his time. it wasn't his place. but, God has a reason for everything, you know. I wonder if I’m just writing this out and nobody is going to read this, and I wonder if and when you, if there is a you, reads this, when that will be. it's 5:28 p. m. Wednesday, august 10th, 1997. I miss him. another really close friend of mine died of cancer on march 13, 1995. but we won't go there, things just kind ad up you know? Anyway, did you know that right now and for the past 2 decades Neptune has been the farthest planet from our sun!? did you know that!? I didn't! I was amazing, my thumb is really hurrying from hitting the space bat so darn often. I miss my cousin. I didn't know him well enough. my other cousin, all the full blood ones, the true ones, they took it a lot harder that I did. they were into to things like that, and it was like a wake up call for them. for me, it was a wake up call that I don’t' think I’m ever going to pick up. it's like it hasn't really happened, STILL. after all this time, I STILL hasn't really happened!!! is that amazing? talk about denial. but it's more than just denial for me, I mean I truly still don't think it's hit home yet. it s just one of those things you read about, see on T. V. it's not something that happens to your cousin. my cousin was murdered. my cousin was murdered. can't believe that, saying that, my cousin was murdered!? is it true? was he murdered seriously!? can that be, is it possible!? is that SO!? IS THAT SO!? I PRAY TO GOD THAT THE PERSON WHO KILLED HIM REALIZES HIS SINS IN JAIL, FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS AT LEAST WITHOUT BAIL, AND I PRAY TO GOD HE REPENTS FOR HIS SINS, AND I PRAY TO GOD THAT GOD FORGIVES HIM, CAUSE LORD KNOWS I NEVER WILL in memory of Shawn Albert Deolloz | high | low | high | high | low |
Hmmm. stream of consciousness. Follow my train of thought. I guess I can say I've had experience with this in that I used to, and still do sometimes, write down stuff when I just had to get something off my chest. I followed my thoughts and emotions. It helped me a lot to get through some things. I had never really done anything like that until this past summer. I guess it was because I hadn't had anything bother me so much until then. But anyhow, I am not about to tell you about my experience; that is personal. I find it strange that I never really liked to write, assignments for example. I found it so boring and pointless. But now I realize that many authors write for pleasure, for entertainment, or to simply get something off their chest. But I guess you learn as you go. So far I feel I'm doing ok in following my thoughts, which have been pretty much superficial. Anyhow, I'm here completing an assignment, and complete it I shall. Besides, there are no right or wrong answers. Now, I'm just looking at the keyboard because my mind has gone blank. I thought this assignment would be easier for me seeing that I've had experience in writing my thought without planning ahead, but I didn't think I would have this much problems in having a subject to write. I just thought of something. It is something I had thought about during the summer, while I was going through the experience mentioned before. I feel that many people skip the thought process and just act with what they feel. I do agree that it is important to satisfy your emotions, your feelings, and your desires, but there must also be some thought put into a decision. Without this thinking process, a person could get him or herself into a lot of trouble. For example, if for some reason Person A decides he feels like killing someone, he could get into a lot of trouble for doing it. If he thinks about it ahead of time, he will see the dark road ahead. He will realize that he is just being crazy and that satisfying his feelings could cost a lot. And yet, I find it hard to believe that some people, some of whom I know personally, don't use this process. Take for example many teenagers. They got out with friends. They get drunk and end up crashing and in the hospital, if they are lucky to be alive. Had they thought about the consequences, chances are they would have realized that getting drunk was not worth it. But then, there is also an "evaluation" that takes place when this thinking process is used. In the case of the teenagers, they are probably aware of the consequences of getting drunk and driving. I mean, they see it everyday through various media. They probably realize that the consequences are pretty bad; yet they choose to go ahead and drink. They are willing to take the risk. They have decided that getting drunk is more important, or at least worth the risk, than their lives. It's probably that stage in their lives when they feel immortal. When they feel invincible. I was a teenager once, but never did I do the things that many others did and still do. I consider my life to precious to waste on one party. I have just made an evaluation after the thought process. I have found throughout the years that I tend to hold myself back on certain actions. I feel like doing something, I want to do it, but yet, my mind says "Stop. Is it right? Is it good for you? Is it ethical?" etc. , etc. I consider many things before actually making a decision. Although my feelings and desires might be held back for a while, I know that at least my life remains the "right" track. You will notice that my college experience will be a little different from other students. Twenty minutes and thirty-three seconds have gone by, so I guess that's time. Hope you enjoyed!!! | low | high | low | high | low |
So I’m sitting here typing about whatever is on my mind. Well, a whole lot is on my mind right now, like what the hell am I supposed to do about my car. Good Lord, that's all I needed, my care to really mess up on me. But anyway, right now, I’m really missing my girlfriend. She is all that consumes my thoughts, so a random progression of my subconscious thoughts will most likely be all about her. I really know how much she means to me now that I went back home to see her. Enough about Liz. Thinking consciously about her will just make me very sad. I was thinking about acid the other day, you know, LSD. I was told that Lewis Carroll, author of "Alice in Wonderland", was having one hell of a trip when he wrote the book. That would explain some of the messed up things that he wrote about, but I think that if he had tapped into his own subconscious, he would have been able to write about the same stuff. I mean, LSD allows you to see things that you normally would not see on your own, but I think that deep within your own consciousness, that is what you would really see. For example, I have a friend that said that the ceiling looked like it was dripping, due to all of the little bumps on it from paint. If you look at a ceiling like that long enough, with a clear head, I believe that you would see the exact same thing. I guess that the only reason this kind of pisses me off is that there are so many people that believe that really messed up art, music, and literature can only be created by some one who is having one really wicked trip or who is on some drug or stimulant of some kind. That is complete BS because when I write, or draw, or create music that's really screwed up, I tend to always do it in a clear frame of mind. It really makes me mad that some people believe art comes from being fucked up when all the time it comes from the heart (where it should come from) or the inner recesses of one's mind. I don't want people to think that all the art I create comes from drug abuse when it really comes from my own tormented mind. The absence of the love of your life can lead to some really messed up art. I've written some of the most depressing work I’ve ever written lately because of that absence. If it were humanly possible, financially etc. , I would marry that girl in a heartbeat because I think the only way for me to be completely happy is to be with her. The drumming in my head is beginning to start. How quaint for the artistic flow to arrive just as I am planning to leave the site. The drumming will continue the rest of my evening. | high | low | high | high | high |
The first thing that comes to my mind is how unbelievably long the web address is to this web page. My gawd! Now I am wondering if this text box has automatic text wrap-around, because, so far, everything is on one line. Oh, I guess I will have to do it manually, and hit return after every line. Now my roommate Brandon is berating me for not knowing how to format this text. Maybe if I ignore him for long enough, he will go away. My glance has caught the sight of the Daily Texan. What a lousy newspaper. It is really short, and the best-written articles are from the Associated Press. That's really pitiful, because the Associated Press writes the most boring, dry articles on the face of the planet. But that is better than the grammatically incorrect and content-devoid writing of the staff writers. I see that they (ah, the non-descript "they") have created a virus that destroys the AIDS virus in at least some instances. Supposedly, this new virus has worked in the testtubes, but they will not test the virus on animals until next month. That brings up the issue of testing on animals. I have mixed feelings about the issue. If only the animals were voluntary to (almost certainly) die, then it would be different. And if the animal testing ultimately leads to the eradication of a disease or virus, then, of course, it is worth it. But that doesn't make it any easier to do such a terrible thing to an animal. I saw a Twenty-Twenty about these apes who had been tested on and then were taught to talk. They were so intelligent, and so smart. They were depressed, and so sad. Poor babies. Why do I call them babies? Because that implies that they are poor and innocent. I hate the "dart" board in our dorm room. It is not a true dart board, but one of those Velcro kind with the plastic balls that never stick. "Bulls-eye! Oh, dang it, it fell off. Never mind. " That is quite typical. I hate studying! The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to puke! Just kidding. It's just that I have gotten a little behind in my reading for both astronomy and psychology, so now I am having to read last week's chapters just to get to this weeks. Needless to say, I could use some improvement in my study habits. And the astronomy is so dry! What up with that, G-dawg in da' house? You ask any G-dawg, and that dawg will agree straight-up, you know what I'm sayin', fool? School tomorrow! I don't even want to think about it, so I won't. Church went well today. I played pretty well, with the exception of jumping the gun on the opening hymn in the 9:30 service today, altogether skipping the call to worship. Oops! Thank god my salary is not based on number of mistakes. No, actually, I usually do well, and, that mistake notwithstanding, that held true today. I must say, though, the sermon was pretty boring. Especially since I had to hear three sermons. Two is my limit, and three is just too much. Now I am singing in my head. I cannot stopping "playing" in my head the new version of "Candle in the Wind" that Elton John wrote for Princess Di's funeral. "It seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Never fading in the sunset when the rains set in. " I believe it has been twenty minutes, so I'm OUTTA HERE! | high | high | low | high | high |
NOTE: Something happened when I was typing this-the words never skipped down to the next line. (Maybe it's supposed to be that way?!) Anyway, my thoughts continue to the right-quite a ways. Sorry for the hassle!! I'm not really sure what this whole assignment is about, but it should be fairly easy for me since I think way too much at times. My thoughts?? I am extremely tired right now. I had a very exhausting weekend and would love to not have classes in the morning. I am doing everything possible to procrastinate and not begin my huge amount of work. I still haven't really gotten in to the whole college thing. I feel like I am in some kind of dream world-like I it's not really me sitting in a college class with 500 other students. Maybe I was spoiled in high school with classes of only a max of 25 and a graduating class of only 140. Our teachers probably babied us with lots of one-on-one attention-which at the time I loved and appreciated. But NOW I am so overwhelmed! I'm now only a number out of hundreds of other kids. I guess this whole experience is a big transition no matter what. Anyway, I hope I am doing this correctly. I have no idea why my computer is laying out my words like this. I hate computers!! We just don’t mix well. I am completely computer illiterate. Sorry if this is taking you longer to read. I am very excited about this psychology class. It happens to be one of my possible majors. Who knows what will happen?! All I know is that I am a people person and a very good listener that would love to be able to help people in anyway I can. I know it is a tough major with tons of schooling, but it really interests me. I just finished talking to a few of my friends from high school on the phone. They all seem so far away. I miss them and all the fun times we shared. I love reminiscing about our memories, especially looking at old pictures. My walls are full of pictures of friends and family and I'm sure by the end of the year you won't be able to tell what color the walls are. I miss my family too. | low | low | high | high | high |
so I am going to write this stream of consciousness thing for psychology and I’m worried that someone will come in and think that I’m retarded because I live at home because my parents won't let me go. If they read this they will get very angry with me for feeling this way but I don't understand why they even still try to control the way I feel. I don't really know what to say but I guess that's the whole point of this assignment. Which is not of what I say, but what I think. I hope this typing isn't too bad. Maybe I'll go back later and reedit it but I'll probably get embarrassed or ashamed of how I am. That's weird that I get embarrassed of myself. Maybe I think too much and am hypersensitive or maybe this class will help me understand myself. I was thinking about something that the teacher said earlier about everyone suspecting that they are crazy or abnormal as he put it and that's probably right because I always ask myself and others I trust which are few what is wrong with me. I know that there is something or maybe it's all in my head. I know that if I wanted to I could convince myself that my dad just walked in and yelled at me for shutting the door. What was I saying maybe I should not be at home writing this someone always comes in and opens the door or reads whatever I’m doing. I hate this. not this, just my situation. I'll bet I sound pretty negative right now. I suppose it's because of school and my relatives all dying and my family but everyone's got problems right? I wish that I could talk to a counselor. I don't want to think about myself and try not to thing right now about that. I don't want them to see me cry and come in and yell at me or ask me what's wrong and tell me what to do about it. They don't understand. my being unhappy doesn't help them it just makes them mad at me. why am I so unhappy. why am I writing about this because in class it was said not to write about this stuff. I guess you won't read this like you said until a while from now anyway who knows maybe I’ll be better by then. Maybe I’ll have friends, but my family will still be here. I used to wish they died but then I thought I’d feel bad if they did. Everyone is dying. As my mother says, it's not normal to be happy all of the time, but of course she married my dad who is the cause of the problem so she is right about herself, but not me. why when I was a child, was I happy more than now. I didn't experience my father as harshly then as I do now. how would she know anyway, she married him when she was 18 my age. just a kid who didn't know anything made to be a servant to him. wish I don't even know what I want anymore. I wonder what school will be like tomorrow. what will I become in life does everyone feel like me. they certainly don't show it very much . I walk the halls and it's all so big and impersonal maybe its because I’m younger a freshman or I’m not looking at it the right way. I think that I'm too negative the phone just rang once. I wonder who it is. It's not for me because I don't know anyone I miss high school, that's weird when I was in classes I hated it. I guess I miss my friends. I wonder what he's doing now. I cant think about that it'll only make me worse. Why do I feel this way. I wish I could control my emotions like others and look serious and normal, not afraid. why am I afraid. I bet you'll think that I’m weird. I don't even care anymore. Why can't they leave me alone. Those psychological tests scared me. It was . like either write a five page paper or do tests. Obviously the kid would rather do tests than do a billion page essay. but who know maybe it will be fun. I just got a call weird my only friend but I told my sister that I had to go and to tell them bye. Even when I have a friend I can't talk. I just wish that I who is singing. there's no privacy in the house. I wish that I lived in a dorm you shut the door and it makes them want to come in but when you open the door they feel like they can just come in and talk to you. if I shut the door they get curious like that time my dad thought that I was taking drugs in my room what a jerk. why can't he trust me maybe I am bad I have done nothing that I regret but I guess I should reap what I sow. I hate consequences. who is that . I wish they'd just shut up. why can't UT give scholarships to live in dorms to middle class students they’re so stingy about that now I suffer at home alone traveling to freedom at school alone. I want to have friends but am afraid what if someone walks in and read this. I wish I could shut the door but that would disturb me and my stream of conscious like everyone already has. Who is talking. I don't know why they're all worried I think I need more attention but I don't know how to get it what is wrong with me what is she doing. I wish they’d all leave. it's nine and I have to wake up early how much longer. I actually enjoy this it's like purging all of the negativity which I have alot of. This is a good idea. I kind of wish I could read other kids stream of conscious to see what they’re like. if they had the same thoughts and feelings that I did. I don't want to revise it you said it would be completion anyway so I don't have to revise. I want to sleep and forget everything all happened for a few hours of nothingness. then start over tomorrow and feel again. People would be so much better off if they didn't feel at all Less war and no jealousy. I hate love and emotions they only hurt you. and others involved. I have a minute left and just in time because my dad might come in and get mad at me for staying up too late. they’re is never enough time to do anything Why am I negative. I wish I knew what I wanted. what else do I say or think I start work tomorrow. I wonder if I can handle it or not. what if I fall why do I worry so much I wish I didn't worry. then I’d be fine. who is behind me I hope I meet people tomorrow. I want to get all of my work done so that I can work but it keeps piling up will I ever finish do I have the time I hate being overwhelmed high school was so easy. they didn't prepare me at all. it's too hot. why do I complain all of the time I hope that I am doing this right it's not a grade but it might be. who is that behind me. no matter if I shut this door they open it no privacy no body cares they do but they don't show. that's dumb. What do I say next where are the keys for tomorrow I have to get ready what time is it. that's my timer cool I wish I weren't so tired bye | high | high | low | high | high |
My roommate won't shut up. O. K. Bert. My friend Bert was just talking to me. I better drop my Geography, because that class is boring. I don't even read the book because it's so boring. I hope I can drop it before the date where I get a full refund. My Dad might get mad, but oh well. I think I'll go home this weekend and work for my Dad because I need some money. I hope he's working. My hand hurts already. I can't study here. I can't wait until I get home. Sometimes I just love being by myself. Man, my friend Matt needs to get a job. It's like I'm running a daycare center. He's always at my house and he never goes to school. He just plays on my Playstation all day. | high | high | high | high | low |
Well I'm not sure what to start talking about. It's taken forever just to get this assignment started. I had to set up an if account and all that before I could start. I hate coming to new computer labs, this one is new to me because I just transferred here. I feel totally computer illiterate, so I start to feel like an idiot when the lab people have to go around with me and me figure it all out. But anyway, I'm here now doing it, and I guess you always learn something from these situations. I learned that I need to get my own account set up from my computer in my room, so then I don't have to worry about coming up here and dealing with this. I guess we are just supposed to tell you what we're thinking about and our thoughts as they change. Well all I keep thinking is I wonder what you are going to think about my thoughts and ramblings when you read this. Maybe you'll enjoy it because I sound paranoid and you can analyze me! ha ha I'm looking out the window now at the trees, wishing I was out there and not working on this assignment. I still have fifteen more minutes to write. I wonder what everyone else here is working on. I'd rather be here doing this than doing the physics equations I was working on before I got here. Psychology is so much more interesting than the other sciences. Well now I have an E-mail account. I never had one before. I think it will be fun to be able to send and get mail. Especially because my boyfriend still lives in Dallas and its getting expensive calling each other every day, but it wouldn't be the same not to here his voice. I've never really been in the UGL before, I registered here but I haven't ever been in here to do any work. I probably should have been in here before now though! I think the chairs are to too low or maybe the desks are too high, its just not that comfortable. I guess they want you to sit up and have good posture like they taught you in typing class. There, I lost my cursor for a while. I guess that’s why it says - Who knows I. Well I have to help cook dinner at my co-op tonight, we are having Mediterranean Turkey. I wonder what that’s going to taste like, good I hope. Well my time is just about up so I guess its time to submit my paper. I hope you never read these but even if you do I guess I won't really matter because with the size of our class you don't know me from Adam! | low | high | high | high | low |
My girlfriend just ask me to turn off the CD player and do my work. MTV is on and there is a women and a guy fighting for some reason. My girlfriend is now munching with her mouth wide open. I’m attempting to make Baked Potatoes but I think that they are going to burn. I went shopping to day for food and believe or not this was the cheapest trip yet. I think its because my so called girlfriend thinks that I am thinnely challenge. . I'm trying to figure other things to write about but nothing is coming to mind. My girlfriend is still stuffing her face with frito scoops. I don't understand how she can eat just as much as I do yet she has the body of a swim suit model. Her Metabolism must be skyrocketing. My train of thought is fading again. Lets get back on track again. It is 9:22 PM and dinner is almost serve because my lover is about to feed me like a king. I trying to type as fast as I can with out a mistake. My girlfriend just ask if she could read mine yet I really don't want her to. she probably yell at me and call me an idiot. She is now eating her food in front of me and she spilt her ranch dressing all over her new shoes. (Reebok DMX) her baked potato looks so good right now with bacos and cheese and I think sour cream or it may be butter. I cant really get a good look at it!!! I'm a soph fixing to be a junior and my girlfriend is a freshmen. Yet , I'm taking classes that she's in!!! I feel stupid the thing is she is so smart. She was valedictorian of her class. Her major is biology and mine is Kinesiology. I'm studying to be a physical therapist and she wants to save the world by saving the rain forest and finding cures for all diseases. I just transferred in from ACC this semester and while I was there I took most of my basic except math and science classes. She placed out of some of her classes. Do you see what I'm getting at. I feel insecure sometimes about my intelligence. I know I can do anything I want I just wished I would of took advantage of it when I was younger. My life would be alot better if I had just did my work when from the start. My freshman year I took 18 hrs. and dropped 15 of them. Sounds stupid huh I think working at a club until 5 and sometimes 6 in the morning had some affect on it. My last semester at ACC I pulled a 3. 5 and this year I plan on getting a 4. 0 just to prove to myself and others that I can compete with the best of them. | high | low | high | low | low |
September 4, 1997 I am not too sure what to write about. I am hungry right now. I have anorexia nervosa, so I not only am constantly thinking about food, I also won't allow myself to eat it when I want it. I am actually in the recovery stages right now. I have been battling this for two years now, have been in the hospital twice, and have had therapy involving nutritional counseling, psychiatry, and group therapy. The only treatment left for someone in my position is to go to long-term therapy. That treatment would be out of state (in Arizona) and would last at least 60 days. It doesn't sound appealing to me at all, but despite the threats that my psychiatrist has faced me with, it still doesn't make it any easier to eat. The battle is all in my head. It is my mind that will not "allow" me to eat when I am hungry, and it is my mind that tells me I don't need to gain weight, that I am not critically underweight, and that I am physically in good shape. The whole thing is very confusing to me. My psychiatrist has shed some light on the whole thing, but still no one can completely explain things like this that involve the mind. I think this class is interesting so far. I have enjoyed reading in the book already because I deal with this stuff on a daily basis. I am constantly battling my mind, and trying to figure out its trickery. My psychiatrist says that this is the best class out of all the ones I am taking this semester. (I think she's a little partial to the subject myself. ) I have to go see her on Tuesday, which is only 5 days away and I am scared half to death. She scares me with her threats to send me to treatment, but like I said, apparently it doesn't scare me enough because it doesn't make it any easier for me to eat. Right now, she has threatened me by saying I will have to go to the treatment center if I haven't gained 15 pounds by a certain date. That date is coming up in two weeks. I have had this agreement with her since the end of June. I am really very scared because I really do not think I have gained near that much. It's strange how I can think about it realistically and know that I am still not eating enough and then my irrational side of my mind will come in and tell me I am fine and don't need to gain. But, as the date comes closer to my appointment, I will start to gradually get more afraid, and get mad at myself for not doing enough. And still, that won't make it any easier to eat a thing. You have to make yourself feel totally like crap if you are going to get over an eating disorder. You won't want to do it, you'll feel incredibly anxious and angry with yourself for letting yourself go. I have experienced this a few times ( like in the hospital), but I haven't been able to do much of this by myself. It seems like it isn't worth it to let yourself feel so bad when you could just avoid the problem and not feel the anxiety. Instead, by ignoring it, you get to feel hungry, tired, irritable, you get to think about food all the time because of your low body weight, you make your family freak out, you risk losing your car and your opportunity to go to college. It seems that the negatives of not eating strongly outweigh the positives of not eaten, and I can logically see that. My mind is just totally screwed up, which the doctors say will get better when my weight and body fat percentage increase. I hope I will make it to the point soon. It's just all too confusing to explain. I am sure everyone thinks I am crazy, but you just can't explain to someone how you feel. I wish there was a cure or some more insight to it. I am interested in what this class has to say about things like this. Maybe I'll get some more insight into it (if that is possible since I live it!) | low | high | low | low | high |
I hate computers. I think I hate them because I do not understand them. This assignment is hard because I am trying not to think about the assignment and just write about what is in my head. Why is this just continuing on one line? Am I doing this wrong? Should I fix the grammatical errors that I make? I feel stressed I have only been here for a couple weeks. What could I possibly be stressed about? I need to talk to Ashton. I need to talk to him tonight. This is a time in my life where I am supposed to try new things, meet new people, further my education. I do not need a serious boyfriend now. Why is he so nice? Did he see this coming? Is he trying to make this harder for me? No. What am I talking about? He is always this nice. He is such an incredible guy. Bad timing. This always happens to me. I will not miss experiences in college like I did in high school because of some guy. I need to see what it is like not having some guy around me all the time. Josh might be right. I might be afraid of being by myself. I will talk to him tonight. I probably will not. How can I possibly be mean to someone who is so wonderful? He won't understand. I know this is the best thing for me. I need to learn how to operate e-mail. I want to start sending mail to my brother. Josh better come to Austin to see me soon. My sister better come soon, too. I cannot believe that the one weekend I really want to go home (homecoming) I have to stay here and be formally initiated into my sorority. It is Haley's birthday. I am so Jealous that Meredith gets to go see everyone and I will not. We have been talking about how fun that weekend will be since homecoming last year. This sucks. Everyone will be home. I wish the girls in this dorm were a little more considerate. They see me studying in here and they are still so loud. I hope I do not do the same thing. I am having so much fun here, yet I am still stressed about maintaining my friendships with my best friends from home. I hate it that one of my best friends is here in Austin. It puts such a damper on our friendship. I am just so busy right now. I never realized how much time this sorority would take up. Am I neglecting one of best friends? Does she resent the fact that I am making new friends? I love that girl. With everyone else, we know why we haven't seen one another. Ashton. What am I going to do? I am having to talk myself into doing this. I know I need to see what it is like to date other people. I think Richard has something to do with this. I think Ashton is so wonderful because Richard was so horrible. I wonder what Richard is doing. I wonder if he is ended up going SAE. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. I wonder if he is a possessive weirdo to her. Why do I care? No, Ashton is wonderful. Am I going to regret this? What if he starts dating someone else and it breaks my heart. I need to do this. I am so far behind. I need to learn a little about time management. I think I am getting sick. I keep feeling like I am about to sneeze. I need to quit smoking. I would like to smoke right now. Why do I think when I am stressed that a cigarette will make me feel better. I should talk my father into buying me a computer for Christmas. I think that would be a good idea. I am going to be here for a while. I really need to start thinking of what it is that I want to do. Am I taking pointless classes? Do I always ask myself questions? I was really insulted by those stupid papers that basically said that I was in the lowest percentile of students at this university. I have to do well this year. I need to get my act together. It is so hard to just sit in my room and study. I should probably spend more time at the library. What could I be distracted by there? I am asking myself too many questions. I need some sleep. I think I am going to sneeze again. I hate that feeling. | low | low | high | low | high |
I’m in my apartment with my new desk, everything is finally getting organized. I feel like this year will be a good one, I am not the same person that I used to be. I feel so much more secure. sure there were times when I would see people gathered in a huge group and think to myself that I wanted to join and be a part of it but when it comes right down to it, I am the kind of person who likes to have a couple of really close friends and then a lot of friends who I can say hi to and visit with on occasion. I really believe that that is okay. my boyfriend and I are great, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't need to be with him all the time so we enjoy each other's company a lot when we are together because it is not so often. he sees me in a totally different light this year and I feel the same way about him. I wonder if Naomi is having a good time tonight with Ira. I think that she is trying to convince herself that she doesn't want any relationships with guys. I wonder if it bothers her that David is here. I hope not but I am not going to ban my boyfriend from coming to the apartment just because she doesn't have someone to come see her. I hope that isn't horrible. Hillel is going really well. it's going to be a really busy year I can already tell but I think that I can definitely handle it this year, I have the right mind set. the meeting last night was way to long though. who wants to sit in a chair for three hours discussing what seems like today as absolutely nothing!!! it was crazy. so many times I wanted to jump out of my chair and leave the room but I sat there and listened to all of the nonsense. this sorority thing is driving me crazy. on the one hand, it has the potential to be a lot of fun, on the other hand it is a huge time commitment and I am not sure if I want to put myself into something that leaves little time for anything else, on the other hand the old Kim wouldn't get involved at all because she would be too nervous. I don't want to be that Kim anymore. I never realized how hard it would be to write for twenty minutes. I feel like I have said a lot and it has only been ten minutes maybe. my boyfriend is in the other room studying, ha he has to go next. my classes are good this semester. history is going to be boring not because I hate the subject but because I am more interested in a discussion class and 1492 to the Civil War is so long ago and I feel like I studied it to satisfaction in high school. last year at UT I remember thinking it would be fun to study history again and I was irritated that as a freshman I couldn't take the class, look how times change. I think I am more organized this year than ever before in my life. my walls need paintings though or at least posters, I wonder where I can get cheap ones. I want to buy those glow in the dark stars and planets for my walls too. I think those are great. I wonder what my brother is doing right now. I hope he does better at school this year than he did last year. I am sure he will. he seems to have more control over himself this year. I can't believe he is taking drivers ed. how weird. I am so tired right now. I have so much reading to do. I am not going to sleep until it is all done, I must be prepared this year. I can stop thinking about some song where it says that the hardest to learn is the least complicated. it's hard to learn to study but once you do your life is so easy. I am going to learn that this year. that was an indigo girls song. what a fun concert. I wish they would come back to town. how great it was seeing Lauren Gasbar and Jamie. I can't believe I didn't see Rysse there. I missed her this summer. she and David will work well together I am sure. I am glad he is working at Hillel it will be nice spending time with him in that setting. | high | low | high | low | high |
Right now I am having a weird feeling in the lower part of my stomach. I'm not sure if I just had a bad lunch or if it may be something a little more serious. I'm kind of sad too. I talked to my family earlier and I realized how much I missed being at home. Last night I attempted to meet some new people despite the fact that I am just not the social type so I am kind of down about that too. I hate walking up and down the stairs and stuff here at u. t. I can't stand the heat. I mean I am from the Rio Grande Valley but I never had to walk EVERYWHERE. I hate the food in Jester. I know I wasn't supposed to talk about this until my second assignment, but right now college controls most of what I am thinking right now. I forgot, keep typing, keep typing. In a sense this stream of consciousness isn't as relaxed or real as one might assume it may be. A lot of the thoughts are a little forced because you would have to put your thoughts into words. That itself isn't too natural. I am not a computer person either. I guess it could be worse and I could be an EXTREMELY slow typer as well. Phew. You know, this isn't so bad. It's kind of fun. This assignment simply requires that you ramble for twenty minutes. It's kind of quiet in here. I just realized that. My fingernails are really short. I wish they could be a little longer. a little more feminine. One day I wake up and they are on their way to getting long and the next day I wake up and I've either pulled on or bit them. Even though I am not really the social type, I have managed to make some friends. yea for me. this guy in front of me looks like he's all into his homework when I bet he's just e-mailing his chick back home. Even though I just used the word "chick" I am not sexist. In fact, I hate that word. I'm not exactly into all this equal rights stuff. I think it is okay for men to play the macho, take charge role in society. I mean, women are, as an entirety , weaker. So what if we are the ones who play the nurturing half of the species? We have our strong points and so do men. It balances out. Every once and a while you get a person who is stronger in a different and/or unnatural area, but that is fine with me too. There are a lot of computers in this room. While I typed that I had another thought but I can't type 2 things at once so you just missed out on something. of course it wasn't important so who really cares? bop bop bop bop my brain stopped throwing out ideas just then. My friends are sitting to each side of me. I haven’t talked to them since I started this assignment so it feels weird. Oh, wait. I had to talk to one briefly about why this thing typed all the way down to what seemed infinity until it returned to the next line. She just told me to wait. Everyone says you gain fifteen pounds when you get to college. I hope that is not true because I already feel fat enough as it is. So, have you sat down for twenty minutes and tried this assignment? How did it turn out for you? This is a pretty big screen. Pretty big, indeed. I'm pretending to type fast. I hit keys and everyone probably thinks I'm on a role with what I am thinking, when in reality I am just pretending. Crazy, huh. Wouldn't it be weird if I just snapped and from here on out everything I thought was as random and crazy as this. this isn't a personality profile is it? You aren't going to call me in some time and discharge me from UT are you? I guess this isn't what you had in mind for stream of consciousness (I don’t want to spell it takes too much brain power) but I hope its kind of what I was supposed to do. I am one of those students who is always scared of turning in assignments because they might be just plain wrong. I'm really tires of typing. I just read what I typed "I’m really 'tires' of typing" that's pretty stupid. at least I know I am not one of those people who thinks a bunch of bad words when I am freethinking. Or at least I don’t think about sex or anything. Well, I did talk about men and women and equal rights so I guess that kind of applies. When I play with the keyboard it sounds kind of like a horserace. Try it, it does. All you have to do is establish a rhythm. My fingers hurt still. I wish I was really fluent in another language. type, I don’t want to type. type I don’t want to type. believe it or not those words just took the form as a song in my head. I cheated. I just talked to my friends sitting next to me. I BROKE. again. I think I went a little over but this has been kind of fun. | high | low | low | low | high |
I have a ton of things to do. I still need that book for MIS. I wonder what Jon is doing? He's probably waiting for me to call him back. Man, I'm so happy matti called. I miss her very much, I wish she still lived here. I can't wait to hang out with Jon's sister and husband that should be pretty cool. The purple on this screen is sort-of pretty. I can't believe it actually feels cool in this house, it's always so hot in here. I hope you go downtown tonight I haven't been since school started. I'm always studying or I have to wake up so early. I can't believe I'm not swearing as I write. It's kind of a natural thing for me but I'm holding back in case who ever reads this gets offended. I think my mom's home I wonder what took her so long to get home. Usually she is always getting home from work early. I wonder if I'm going to get a bad grade on this because I keep pressing return, but if I don't then I have to click the arrow buttons and that takes to much time away from my typing. Man this is getting easier as I go, I thought I'd start typing and just go blank. Why do people ask so many questions? I guess I do and I just don't notice it. I keep thinking of different things while I'm typing. Days Of Our Lives was so good the other day. Carrie slapping Sami was awesome I've been waiting for the day for Austin to find out that Sami was lying. Lucas doesn't even like her anymore for not telling him that will was his son. My neck is starting to hurt. I would hate to have a data entry job, that would get so old. It's so crazy that I asked Danielle about Mariell today and they got in a fight just last weekend. I completely forgot about Mariell until I saw her best friend the other day when we went tubing. Tubing was a blast I hope we do that again before it gets to cold. I was drunk as a skunk. that food from El Mercado was good or maybe it tasted good because I was drunk and super hungry. I wonder how many students from UT are online right now? I bet a whole bunch. I like this new desk my parents bought for me. It's so much nicer than what our computer use to sit on. I need to start exercising. I have a membership at world gym, and I pay $16. 22 a month and I never go. But if Jon didn't work at nights then I would make him go with me. I hate going by myself, because it's so boring if you don't have some to talk to or if you don't have headphones. My headphones broke so I guess I'm just going to keep making excuses until I get my lazy but up and workout. Right? Right. Well I'm pretty sure it's been 20 minutes so goodbye. | high | high | high | high | high |
It has taken me a few minutes to get the hang of things. Meaning, I didn't know the steps in getting set up to use the computer because I really have never had that much experience in using the computer. I went to set my e-mail account yesterday and also got my IF account number. Let me see what else comes in mind I have no idea but to keep typing. Oh ya here with me is Brandi who is a senior and is helping me get to know my way around campus and also answering any questions I have over school. I am planning to go to the football game this weekend I am still not sure, because my friends don't know if they would rather go to the football game or go home to Dallas for the weekend. I myself would rather go to the game. I almost forgot that I have to go to my apartment and clean up and then I have to go to the bookstore to return a book that I don't need. Well what else can I write about. . my twenty minutes are almost up but not quite yet. . . I am here staring at other people in the room looking for familiar faces but I don't see one. . . . . Something that just came to my head was that I really miss my family, especially my mom. My sisters, and brother mean a lot to me too, oh ya my nephew also is someone I miss a whole lot. He is the most adorable kid I have ever seen I not saying this because he is my nephew but because it is true. Time up. | high | high | high | high | low |
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