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in the three weeks we 'd bee together , as hard as i 'd been fking her , i 'd always held something back , but not tonight , tonight i was going to give her the fking i 've been dying to but did n't because her little puy was still having trouble taking my cock . i did n't take the time to prepare her , this was a punishment after all , i planned to use her body tonight for my own pleasure until i 'd freed myself of this burning rage . i had her bent over in the middle of the bed , her legs spread , head down and her puy in the air . licking my fingers i ran them roughly over her puy , dipping my middle finger into her wet heat before straddling her from behind . i did n't knee behind her , that would n't achieve my aim . i stood with my legs on either side of hers , slightly bent . from this angle i could drill down into her . i 'm sure it would be a little harder for her to take me in this position but i really could give a fk at this point . i ran my ck ring up and down her slit until she started to get wet , then i slammed into her only giving her about half my length . she screamed into the mattress and her body shook but i did n't stop pounding until i was balls deep in her upturned puy . grabbing a fistful of her hair , i pulled her head back until i could see down into her eyes .
i saw pain , but there was lust there as well as i battered her puy with my cock . when i felt her clenching , i pulled out and left her panting . she looked over her shoulder at me but she did n't have the nerve to say anything to me . when i was sure she was n't about to cum , i screwed my ck back into her , pulling her ass up higher to keep her at the angle i wanted . i kept pulling out to tease her with the piercing in the end of my ck because i knew how much she loved that , but not giving her enough to get her off . the hoarse cries told me that i was hurting her , even as her puy got wetter and wetter . `` please trace . '' `` not another fking word . '' i tugged on her hair for emphasis and she bit her lip . she could n't hide the fk me noises that seemed to come from her gut , and her puy was on fire . i love those noises she made as i fked into her my c**k ring was hitting her just right and she started pushing back trying to get more of my twelve inches inside her .
as pissed as i was i held off though , because i knew her tight little puy could n't handle too much in this position , not so soon , it was going to take lots of fking before that could happen without me tearing her . i pulled out and licked into her puy , going deep , she screamed and came in my mouth before i climbed back onto my feet and fed her eight inches of my meat . that 's as deep as i could go before bottoming out inside her with her ass high in the air . `` as soon as i 've broken in your tight little puy , i 'm going to ass fk you . '' she clenched around me and came again . i was n't anywhere near cumming so i settled in for a nice long fk. her body was still shaking and her cries were dying down to low moans . she tried getting her hand under her to touch her sore puy but a hard smack on her ass stopped her in her tracks . `` do n't do it . '' finally , i lowered her ass just a little and dropped to my knees behind her and the movement sent me all the way into her . it triggered another one of her magnificent climaxes and she squeezed my ck like a vise . i bit into the flesh of her back to her neck before pulling her head back and to the side for my tongue . `` i love you trace . ''
that stopped me mid stroke , the shock of it , but that did n't last too long . `` i love you too , but this is n't about that . you fked up . i 'm pissed as fk at you . '' i brought her off three more times until i felt my balls draw up to my body in preparation to blast . `` you do n't deserve my seed . '' i pulled out and pushed her away from me . she turned around in time to watch me jerk my seed into the sheets . her cry of dismay cut through the air as i climbed off the bed and headed to the shower . i was only in there two minutes when i felt her come in and stand in front of me . i kept my head back and eyes closed as i ran the cloth over my chest . `` trace , i 'm so sorry . i was n't thinking . i wo n't do it again . she was crying as her hands came up to touch me tentatively . i finished my shower without saying a word to her and walked away . i stripped the bed after drying myself off and putting on a pair of boxers . she was coming out of the shower by the time i was finished remaking the bed she looked at me as i passed her and left the room .
in the kitchen , i ignored the dinner she 'd made and made myself a sandwich before shutting myself away in my private office . it was hours before i felt human again . i 'd called the detail i 'd had following her unbeknownst to her and got the same story from them . that eased my anger some but there was still the issue of why she did n't tell me that her ex was going to be on this trip . from what they 'd said , he 'd been hounding her the whole time she was there but she 'd seemed disinterested . like i said , i never thought she 'd cheated on me with him ; i still did n't want her having anything at all to do with him . along with that , the reports on her manager were n't looking too good . it was just as i 'd suspected , he was using the young girl for his own gains . she had been robbed of a good three million dollars in the two years she 'd been signed . money from different venues that i 'm sure she was n't even aware of . she was n't hurting for money , not by a long shot , but still it was n't for him or anyone else to rip her off .
before i confronted him though , i was still waiting for the results of the in depth investigation of everyone that had anything to do with her career . she was curled into a ball on my side of the bed when i finally upstairs hours later . i stood over her for the longest time until i felt my heart settle . i would n't have chosen a moment of anger in which to tell her that i loved her , but she 'd chosen the time and place . now it was out there , i 'd shown her my heart , as well as giving it to her . we could never go back now , from here on out we were one and for me that meant a whole lot of shit . she 'd only gotten a taste of the man tonight , if she f**ked up in the future it could be worst . turning away , i walked to my side and climbed in with my back to her . she must 've gravitated to me in her sleep , because i woke before the sun the next day to find her curled into my back . lifting my arm , i turned and pulled her into my arms . she was barely awake when i turned her to her back and slipped into her wet heat . she clutched at me in her sleep before she came fully awake . `` trace ... '' her voice was that of a little girl lost .
`` shh , it 's okay i 'm here . '' i pushed her hair back so i could look into her eyes as i stroked my c**k in and out of her . `` wrap your legs around me princess . '' she lifted her legs around my waist pulling me in deeper . i never took my eyes off of hers ; i wanted to see what was there , what words could never say because there were n't enough . when i came i captured her lips with mine and accepted her moans into my lungs as she gave me her sweet nectar . she tightened around me and cried out at my admission . chapter 8 things settled down somewhat after that and we lived a life of peaceful bliss for the next month and a half . i took her away on my jet for long weekends . we played , we laughed we enjoyed each other and the more time went by , the more in love with her i became . i no longer questioned the strangeness of our meeting , or why it had been so easy for me to make the decisions i had after so many years of living and thinking one way . she was my beautiful girl , the owner of my heart . her career was doing extremely well , her records were going platinum all over the place and she was in high demand . she had another local show coming up this weekend .
this time i was ready when she approached my hesitantly to let me know that her ex was going to be performing at the show . i had had time to prepare myself since i 'd already gotten a line-up of what was in store for that night . i 've been following her career since the day we met and now i have all the information i needed to send her manager and a couple lawyers to jail . i have n't told her what i 'd found as yet . did n't want to upset her this close to her performance and i 'd only just got the last of the result . it had taken this long because the lawyers had been very slick with their thievery . too bad for them i know how to follow the money trail , all i need is the scent . i planned to tell her this weekend after the show though and i already had my lawyers on standby to take care of shit . shiane trace has been so unbelievably amazing in the last month or so . it 's like everyday he goes out of his way to relieve my fears . maybe it 's because we were able to keep our romance out of the public eye , but i was having more fun being in love with him than i 'd ever thought possible . i decided to take a page out of his book and try to really get to know him .
i 'd watch him when he was n't looking , and paid attention to the little things , like how he shielded my body with his whenever we were going somewhere . how he always seemed to have to touch me whenever we were together no matter where we were ; or the way he 'd run his hand through my hair absentmindedly while we sat together watching a movie . i especially loved the way he made love to me . ever since that night when he 'd punished me , which now when i think back on it was hot as hell ; he 's been this super boyfriend though it seems kinda weird thinking of him in that way , he 's so much more than a boy . i 'd told my family about him and dad and him had had a few private conversations over the last few weeks that i was n't privy to , but my family seemed to love and accept him even with the age difference . now i have a show coming up tonight and i 'm more nervous than usual . not because of the show itself , no , trace had taken care of that as ell . he 'd found this lady that specialized in curing people like me . she just put me through this series of exercises that helped to calm me down before each appearance . it was an ongoing process but so far it seemed to be working . i no longer had that sick fear of bombing on stage .
no tonight 's fear stemmed from the fact that donnie was there and i knew form our last one sided conversation that he was going to try to get back with me again . because trace and i had been able to keep our relationship hidden , he along most of the known world were under the impression that i was still pining for him . then there were the rumors of us sneaking around together . one tabloid had gone so far as to print that very suggestion . i thought trace would lose his mind . he 'd gone on a tear even going so far as to call up someone to handle the retraction and fire the person responsible . i guess it was n't just the speculation that had sent him over the edge , but the fact that there was a photo shopped picture from the year before of me and donnie , only this one was made to look like it was more recent and well , let 's just say it did n't sit well with trace to see his woman as he put it , lip locked with some other dick . apparently whatever he 'd done had worked because the following week there had been a retraction and an apology . will wonders never cease ? of course now we were down to crunch time . he 'd said that he was fine with the whole show deal but as the time drew nearer i could see that tic in his jaw working overtime . all i could do was hope for the best .
`` shiane baby come in here . '' trace her show was in a couple hours and she 'd have to leave soon for prep . i 'd made peace with the fact that she was going to be sharing the stage with the assle ex for part of tonight 's show . although i 'd told her that i was fine , the truth is that i 'm not the kind of man who could ever be okay with such a thing , but the contracts had been signed long before i came on the scene and it was her career . i was going to make sure that this was the last time though . after this series of engagements were over , there will never be another occasion when she would be allowed even in the same room as the prick . she came into room already dressed to leave . i did n't say anything to her as i pulled her into my arms and fed her my tongue . my hand went down to her puy and she opened her legs to give me easier access . i rubbed her through her clothes as her breathing sped up and she smashed her tits into my naked chest . wordlessly i started to strip her clothes away as my ck grew and prcum started leaking from my tip .
i had her spread out on the bed with my head between her thighs as i ate her puy , making sure to sink my tongue as deep as i could as i fingered her ass . over the past weeks i 've been preparing her ass for my cock . she moaned and pushed her puy harder against my mouth . her juices ran down to the crack of her ass lubricating her nicely . standing from between her legs where her pink puy was on full display with her juices glistening and calling to me , i helped her onto her hands and knees in the middle of the bed . i teased her puy slit with my ck head until pushed her ass up higher and begged me to fk her . i slapped her ass once hard and she looked over her shoulder at me . her eyes were already glazed over and i knew she was already far-gone . `` please what ? '' `` fuck me , fk my puy hard . '' yes , that 's something else i 'd taught her , to be less inhibited in bed . at first her shyness ruled her , but i soon had her saying and doing anything she loved . i 'd explained to her that since i was the only sexual partner she 'd ever have for the rest of her life , who better to know what pleased her ? and how will i know if she did n't tell me ?
that had opened up a whole new world to her , and i 'd learned a lot about my princess . she had a bit of the submissive in her , she liked for her man to take charge , not just in the bedroom either . it was perfect since i 'm a controlling bastard and make no bones about it . i teased her puy some more before sinking my ck all the way home . she arched her back and came like she always does as soon as i enter her . she says it 's because i hit her cervix each time and it triggers her . i fked into her nice and slow , using my hand in her hair and the other on her hip to control her movements . looking down between us i enjoyed the sight of my ck covered in her puy cream as it went in and out of her . `` your puy 's still so tight baby , fk. '' she lowered her head to the mattress which sent her ass even higher into the air and had my ck going in deeper and at a different angle . getting to my feet , i released her hair so i could hold both her hips and pull her back hard on my ck as her puy opened and closed around my cock .
i could see where my ck was bulging out around the lips of her puy , the way they pulled out when i came out and folded in when i fked back in . i knew she still could n't too much of a pounding in this position so it was slow going until she juiced all over my cock . i did n't want to cum in her puy just yet though i had other plans for tonight . pulling out after she 'd come down , i licked her puy deep while using my fingers to rub our mixed juices into her tight assle . she flinched and moaned as she pushed back against my fingers trying to get me to go deeper . i probably should 've used a little sex toy on her ass to prepare her for my twelve inch cock , but i did n't want even a fake dick anywhere near her . reaching off to the side i got the lube and oiled up my cock . she looked over her shoulder to see what i was doing and her eyes widened . `` trace ? '' `` shh , it 's okay . '' i ran my hands up and down her back around to her tits where i pulled and pinched them the way she likes . i kept letting my ck tap into her puy lips and her clit , which kept her preoccupied .
when i was sure she was ready , i leaned over her back , then i had a thought . `` did he fk you in the ass ? '' i had wrapped my hand around her throat unknowingly , it was only when she shook her head no that i realized what i 'd done . i did n't think she 'd ever anal before but i wanted to be sure , it was the reason i 'd chosen tonight after all . satisfied with her answer , i guided my ck as gently as i could to her ass . she was tight as was to be expected so i had to take me time and work my ck into her ass in one-inch increments . she tensed and her body tried to expel me but i soothed her with soft kisses around her ear and down her neck , whispering how beautiful she was and how much i loved her . her ass relaxed enough for me to get a few inches in her and then i started the fking motion in and out of her . i 'm not really big on anal sex , but it was enjoyable on some occasions . the more she relaxed , the more dick i fed her until i was balls deep in her ass .
she was really getting into it now pushing her ass back hard against me until i was lying flat on her back pressing her into the bed . her ass was the tightest fking thing i 'd ever felt around my cock , and that was saying something because my baby has a tight cunt . `` when you 're on stage with him , i want you to remember who you belong to . '' i slammed into her ass and her mouth opened in a soundless scream . i fked her to two orgasms but i myself did n't want to cum in her ass . instead i pulled out and with a stern 'stay as you are ' , went into the bathroom to clean off my rock hard cock . coming back to the bed , i rolled her over onto her back and climbed between her legs pushing them farther apart with my hips . i looked down at what i was doing as i led my ck into her puy again . i did n't hurry ; i knew i was f**king with her because she should 've been gone half an hour ago . i did n't care ; this was my way of showing her who was in charge . `` trace , we have to hurry i have to ... '' i caught her neck in my hand and surged into her hard . `` do n't rush me , we 're through when i say we are . ''
i kissed her then , sending my tongue deep into her as i fked her nice and slow making her forget that she was way late . she fked back at me her hips going wild as i kept teasing her with small strokes instead of the pounding she needed . `` if he touches you , i 'll kill him . '' she looked into my eyes before hers rolled back in her head and she came . it was soon too much for me and though i did n't pound away at her like i always want to , i fked her to another climax as my balls unloaded in her womb . i bit into her neck just as the last of my sperm was spilling into her . i smirked down at my handy work . let the little fk think about that . chapter 9 she sat practically in my lap in the car on the way to the venue . her manager was not pleased to say the least and started in screaming until i told him to get fked . `` who are you ? hey are n't you ... '' i did n't bother to answer the fker as he stared from me to her and back . she headed off to do her thing and i walked away from him , i was n't ready to deal with him right now .
i stood around backstage until it was almost time for the show to begin then went out and took my seat in the front row . i 'd debated on whether or not this was a good idea , watching her perform with him , but in the end she 'd pleaded with me to come . i guess it was best if i were here in the flesh to see what the hell the performance was like than reading about it second hand in some rag . the buzz was that they were dy***ite on the stage , that they had great chemistry and all that other bullshit . i settled in for a long night . i felt a huge sense of pride when she came out the first time and the crowd went wild . this was a much larger crowd than the one from the night we met and the whole place was on their feet . you would never know that less than two hours ago i had her bent over . she did n't look at all nervous and in fact seemed to be glowing . it was halfway through , when i 'd finally felt the tension leave me and had relaxed and start to enjoy the show that he joined her on stage . the song was one of those dual tone numbers , slow in parts and fast in others . i felt my fist fold the first time he had to get real close to her as they faced each other across the microphones . then ensued a sort of cat and mouse dance .
he kept trying to put his arms around her waist or on her hip . i was n't sure if that was part of the actual dance routine or just him being an ass , but the first time she threw a panicked look my way i knew it was a bit of both . the crowd seemed to read something else into it , as it appeared that she was playing hard to get , evading his roving hands and prancing away as she continued singing , only to be followed by him time and again . each time our eyes met i kept my face neutral , i did n't want to spoil her performance and like i said if this was part of her job then so be it . but what i did n't like was the way he tried to manhandle her on the stage when it had nothing to do with their routine . do n't ask me how i knew those times so well . i was reading her body language sure , but each time it happened she 'd send me a look and it would tip me off . i was n't mad at her though , not really , but him i 'd like to stomp into the f**king mud . i left my seat and headed backstage just before the last number ended .
i cold hear the roar of the crowd as she bid them goodnight for the second time after giving them the encore they 'd asked for . i was in the shadows sort of , behind this huge potted plant , when she came back followed by the rest of the band , and the ass**le. `` hey i 'm talking to you . '' he reached out to grab her arm and she pulled it out of his reach . `` the show is over donnie we have nothing more to say to each other for the rest of the night . '' `` that 's what you think . where did you get this ? '' he tried touching the mark i 'd left on her neck . she slapped her hand over it and backed up . `` that 's none of your business . '' `` it is my business when my woman is sporting a hickey from some other dude . '' `` your woman , are you insane ? we 've been over for months now would you please get out of my way ? '' she tried going around him and by this point i 'd seen all i needed to . i started forward but before i could reach them he 'd reached out and grabbed her and was trying to kiss her . the amazing this was that there were others heading backstage and no one seemed to witness the almost assault that was taking place right in front of them .
that could be because their voices had been kept low throughout this whole exchange . as soon as his hand fisted in her blouse i was on him . `` get the fk off her assle . '' i flung his hand away and got between the two of them . you could say i was pissed but trying to contain it . i was no longer angry about the display on stage , i knew that was all him and though the world might see a very well coordinated dance routine , that 's all that it was . but this was something more , this was personal and this i would not allow . `` who the fk are you , shiane who 's this assle ? is he new security ? tell him who i am before i sue his ass . '' `` listen you little shit , if you come anywhere near her again i 'll break every bone in your f**king body . '' he looked at her wide eyed when he realized i meant every word . then he stupidly reached out for her again , grabbing her hand this time and i saw red . i punched him in the face until blood spurted from his mouth . only the fact that he was so much younger than i , kept me from following through . i grabbed her hand and pulled her out behind me mad as hell .
i did n't have a jacket to give her this time but thankfully she was more covered up . `` did you leave anything back there that you needed ? '' i asked her after we were in the back of the car on the way home . she called one of her assistants to gather her shit . that night i fked her like a beast , there was n't any part of her body that i did n't lick bite or kiss . at one point she 'd cried because it was too much . i ate her little puy until the sting was eased and then slid back into her . we were both sore by the time i rolled away from her as the sun was rising . dragging her into my arms i cuddled her as we slept . the next day i was all over the f**king front page , just what i needed . some hack had been there taking pictures of the whole thing and the story broke . that 's how we were found out and since that night we could n't leave the house for weeks without a camera in our face . things cooled down when they realized they were n't gon na get anything more from us and my security was very good at evading their asses .
they had no access to my private underground parking garage and since i had a whole fleet of cars to choose from they never knew which one we were in if i felt like taking my woman out for dinner . since i did n't frequent the kind of establishments that catered to the paparazzi or that hired people who 'd tip them off to us being there , we were left relatively in peace after the hubbub had died down chapter 10 now it 's the night of the last show and she was pissing me off . we 'd had an argument of sorts that morning , well i would n't call it an argument exactly but there was definitely some tension . we were lazing around having breakfast doing our usual thing , which was something the therapist had told her was helpful for her anxiety . i was reaching over to pour her some orange juice when she sideswiped me . `` trace are we gon na get married ? '' she caught me off guard with that one , coming out of the blue like that and i guess i did n't handle the situation to her liking . `` why do n't we talk about this later after you 're done with the show ? '' it was the best i could come up with on such short notice . for some reason my answer pissed her off .
she 'd been showing her mettle a lot here lately once she realized i was n't the type to fold my fist and punch her in the face just for kicks . after she asked me that she got all quiet for the rest of the day and when she was n't slamming shit around the house she was ignoring me . i decided to leave her to her mad and do some work in my office . two hours before she was due to leave i cornered her in the shower and fked her against the stall although she 'd tried to give me shit at first . `` mine , you do n't tell me no ever no matter how fking pissed you are . '' i had my hand covering her wet crotch when i said that and moved it away to enter her swiftly . as much of a fuss as she 'd made by the time i had her pinned to the wall , her legs were wrapped around my waist and her fingers were digging into my scalp as i fked her to within an inch of her life . she 'd cleaned my ck off after i 'd off loaded inside her the second time and we 'd cleaned each other up after so i was under the impression that she was over her mad . now she pulled this f**king stunt .
we 'd had a few conversations about the way she dressed on stage and when she let it be known that she was n't too comfortable with some of the costumes either but her wardrobe people chose them , i 'd put my foot down . her talent did n't need any gimmicks . i did n't expect her to dress like a nun on stage but neither did i expect her to show her ass to the world , not when that ass was now the exclusive property of trace mckenzie . i waited until the number was almost at an end and she would be headed backstage for a clothes change . i caught her as soon as she got off the stage and while her helpers were waiting to help her change i dragged her off to the dressing room and locked the door . `` your next outfit had better be something more presentable shiane , or i swear to fk , i will drag your ass off that fking stage and take you home . '' `` do n't tell me how to do my job trace , i was doing this before we met and if you do n't like it ... '' my hand came up and went around her throat and i pulled her face close to mine . `` watch what the f**k you say to me little girl , i 'm holding onto my temper by a thread , so unless you want me to heat up your little ass when we get home you 'd better quit while you 're ahead . ''
`` maybe i wo n't be going home with you . '' she was pissed and obviously not thinking too clearly because of it or she would 've been more careful . i laughed in her face . `` try it , there is n't a hole or rock big enough to hide your ass . and if you get any one of these fkers around here to help you hide from me i will destroy the fk. '' i kissed her hard enough to bruise her lips before leaving her there . i knew what she wanted but she was just going to have to wait . i 'm a man and for a man there 's always the right way and a wrong way to do things . i headed back out my seat and that 's when she really did it . i thought i 'd made my point when i saw the long dress with the slit up the front . but then one of the male dancers came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her from behind while she sang to him and they did some sorta two- step dance . then he did something with his hand and the dress was at her feet . she kicked it out of the way as the crowd went wild . she had the nerve to dead at me was she sang and then and shook her ass at the crowd .
i thought there was going to be a riot . i sat there for the rest of the set until she left the stage for the last time . by now my rage was a cool controlled anger simmering inside me . i said nothing as i went backstage where everyone was congratulating her on her performance . `` let 's go . '' i walked over and took her elbow . '' `` wait i have to ... '' one look at my face had her changing tact . she swallowed hard and i could see from her expression that she was finally getting that she 'd gone too far . all the way in the car i sat away from her while she kept shooting me furtive looks . i kept my face straight ahead and my fists clenched as they hung between my thighs . if i did anything else i 'm afraid i might strangle her ass . as soon as we got through the doors of home i grabbed her arm and headed for the bedroom and straight to where i kept the belt i used to wail her ass . `` stop trace you ca n't . '' she tried to pulling away from me which only enraged me more . i grabbed the belt and was about to bring it down over her ass , not even waiting to get her undressed i was so pissed . `` i 'm pregnant . ''
well fk , that sure stopped me in my tracks . `` what did you say ? '' `` you ca n't spank me , i 'm pregnant . '' i dropped the belt and stared down at her . there was something strange going on with my heart . it was beating yes , but the rhythm was off somehow . i felt a buzzing in my ears and i thin i lost sight there for a second . `` you 're pregnant ? '' i pulled her around to stand in front of me . she nodded and looked down at her feet . `` why did n't you tell me ? '' `` i just found out , i was going to tell you , then i asked you that question this morning and you blew me off . '' the memory seemed to renew her anger and she glared at me . `` i was n't about to try to trap you with a baby , i do n't want to marry someone who does n't really want me for me , i 've had one assle in my life already . '' i grabbed her neck and lifted her off her feet . `` i told you never to throw that f**ker in my face . just because you 're carrying my child do not think for one minute that i wo n't heat your little ass up .
`` what the fk ever gave you the idea that i did n't want to marry you ? '' `` you said ... '' she raised her voice and started to yell . `` watch your fking tone , you 're skating on thin fking ice . what the fk ever gave you the idea that i 'm the kinda man who needs his woman to propose to him ? that 's my place , not fking yours no matter what some feminist new age fk says . '' `` well it did n't look like you were gon na ask , now if you do , i 'll always know it was only because of your precious child . '' i dragged her into the closet and over to the safe i kept hidden there . it took me a few tries to get the combination i was that fking pissed . opening the safe i retrieved the little velvet box i 'd kept there for months . `` i bought this two days after we met . i was waiting for you to be finished with this before giving it to you . `` trace i ... '' `` save it , i told you once i wo n't pay for what that assle did to you . not that that 's clear let 's talk about that shit you pulled tonight . ''
`` i thought you did n't want me , i thought ... '' `` so you thought to get back at me by doing something that was sure to piss me off . just a warning for the future babe , you do not ever want to piss me off . i 'll be lenient with you when it comes to certain things , but outright disobedience will not be acceptable , not now not ever . `` you want me to leave your ass you pull a stunt like this again . if i say no it means fking no do you hear me ? '' she mumbled . `` you 're too fking spoilt for your own good . i 'm not sure if i should let this slide , but i do n't want the news of my child 's conception to be marred by this f**kery , and since you 've spoiled my proposal you can live with that shit . '' i took the box from her hand and put the five-carat diamond on her finger . this was not how i 'd wanted this to go . i 'd had everything planned out . i was going to take her to paris since that was her favorite place and propose to her there in one of their over priced swanky restaurants . that 's not my style but it 's hers so i was willing to do it to make the night special . i did n't make love to her that night .
not because of any punishment or anything like that , i think i was just overwhelmed a little if you wan na know the truth . i 'd gone from extremely pissed and ready to heat up her ass , to learning that i was going to be a daddy or a dad . instead i helped her get ready for bed and held her as she gave into the fatigue of the long day and night . once again i recalled my childhood , the always wanting , never having and never any hope of having . and the hunger , humiliation , all the things you can expect from a young boy whose parents neglected him . and then when lily came along , my beautiful little sister , i remembered the fear in my gut that i would n't be able to protect her . she was the one and only baby i 'd ever held in my arms , and the love i 'd felt then , could n't be compared to what i felt for the unborn child shiane now kept safe in her womb . i thought of her upcoming tour and knew there was no way i would let her go off on her own , not in her condition . i came to the conclusion that it was time i delegated more at work . i had men and women that i 'd hired , the best in their fields , sometimes straight out of college , but had yet to trust anyone to do what i did .
it was an easy decision to make now , whereas before the thought gave me cold sweats . i took the hand with my ring on it and kissed her finger as i hoped and prayed that i would get this right , then being as gentle as i could and not awaken her . i lowered my body until my lips were in line with her still flat stomach and made a promise to my son or daughter . `` daddy will always be there little one , no matter what ; i ca n't wait to meet you . '' i felt the tears gather at the corner of my eyes , and though it had been years since i 'd shed one , i let them fall . my heart had never been so full in my life . i held her until the dawn and that 's as long as i could hold out before taking her . turning her silky soft body onto her back , i kissed my way down her body , stopping at her br**sts . i took the nipple of first one into my mouth , licking and sucking , pulling strong as i imagined one day my baby would , before going to the other . by the time i made my way down to her sweet cunt , she was writhing beneath me .
i licked her clit until it was peeping out from under its hood , then spreading her puy lips open , i closed my eyes and feasted on her flesh , her taste bursting into my mouth as i dug deep with my tongue . sliding up her body , i slid into her going deep with one smooth thrust . her eyes were sleep-warm as she looked up at me . with my hands holding both sides of her head , i held it back so i could look into her eyes as i loved her . `` i love knowing my child is inside you . '' i let one of my handles cover her stomach between us for a brief moment before gathering her in close . `` give me your mouth baby . '' she lifted her lips to mine and we stayed like that , our lips locked together passionately as i worked my ck in and out of her , her hips rising and falling with my thrusts . it was the most amazing experience of my life so far , and there was so much more to come . i 'll make sure of it . epilogue he 's utterly unpredictable and totally insane my husband . i do n't think i 've ever known a more volatile person in my life . my dad was an easy going mild mannered man , sure he and mom had their tiffs over the years when we were growing up , but i doubt he 's ever done or said half the things has done to me . like spanking her ass with a belt .
since my announcement of my pregnancy , he 's added one other element , over protectiveness . do n't get me wrong , i love it , in fact i think i need it because my hormones have been out of whack from day one ; but i wondered how others would see him . it started with my management team of all things , and a couple of the lawyers that handled my contracts . the morning after our engagement , he 'd dropped the bombshell that they had been robbing me blind . i 'd sat there dumbfounded , not having the first clue as to what i was supposed to do next . `` do n't worry princess i 've got it covered . '' 'but how did they and why ? '' `` the how is easy , you do n't know what you 're looking at when dealing with those things unless you 've done some kind of business class or you have someone reliable explain it to you . '' he was right i guess , as a small town girl , seeing all those zeros on my account balance was enough for me , i was just happy doing what i loved most and the fact that i was actually being paid , well . `` the why is that they 're greedy f**ks and they saw you coming a mile off . ''
i guess they never banked on trace mckenzie coming into my life and turning everything upside down . i 'd wanted to do everything secretly after that , did n't want the brouhaha that would follow if the public got ahold of it . trace wanted to burn them at the stake . in the end he convinced me that it was best to go public so that they would n't be free to do it to others . turns out that was the right call , because after the story broke , others had come forward after realizing that they too had been victims of these unscrupulous men . my tour started when i was five months along . trace somehow found the time to leave work for almost two months and accompany me . i 'd had to do some rearranging which meant there were hardly any breaks in between cities , but i wanted to be done before i really started to show . that 's when i saw the other side of him . he 'd hired all new management for me when i told him i was n't sure what to look for . he 'd threatened to fire my wardrobe staff until they had some kind of meeting and he got what he wanted . in the end they 'd come up with more tasteful designs , though some of them were sexier than the ones i 'd worn before .
he was right you did n't have to be half naked on stage to get your point across . one day we were sitting at the kitchen table , i was still sitting in his lap because we 'd just made love while our breakfast had grown cold . as he slipped out of my body i 'd said , 'you know we can do the proposal thing over ' . he 'd given me one of his looks and that was that . i guess that ship had sailed . i ca n't say that i felt deprived though , because in every way he was the perfect fiance and then husband . our wedding was a very private affair in my hometown . he 'd moved heaven and earth to make it so and it was beautiful . he was completely fascinated with my body these days , especially after i started to show . there was n't a day that went by that he did n't spend at least an hour playing with my tummy and having these long drawn out conversations with whoever was in there . now though , i think he 'd reached his limit . `` trace it hurts . '' he leaned over me as he held my hand in his and brushed my hair back with the other . `` i know baby , i know it will be better soon . do something . '' that last was said to the doctor and nurses that were there in the delivery room .
he had n't shouted the words that they carried more force than if he had . the way he seethed them through clenched teeth and glared at the room 's occupants . if i were n't in so much pain i would 've found it funny . `` she 's coming along just fine mr. mckenzie . just one more push shiane , that 's a good girl . '' i bore down with all my might as trace held my hand and whispered in my ear how proud he was of me and how beautiful i was . i think it was his voice more so than anything urging from the doctor that gave me the extra boost i needed to push my son out into the world . i laughed and cried as i heard his loud wails fill the room . trace never took his eyes off mine until the oh-oh from the doctor . `` oh-oh ? no fking oh-oh , what the fk is oh-oh ? '' he was ready to tear the poor woman 's head off before she explained . i was in too much of a daze from the new pain wracking my body to help . `` looks like we have another one . '' and so my daughter was born , totally unexpected but completely loved .
the end chapter one i bounce from foot to foot as i try my mom 's cell phone one more time . i 'm practically bursting at the seams wanting to tell her my good news , and she 's not answering . i hang up the call as it goes to her voicemail again . she 's been a little more unreachable ever since she started dating this new mystery man . she 'll have to break down and tell me about him soon-we 've never been able to keep secrets from one another for long . i give up and hold down the number 2 button on my old flip-phone to auto-dial my best friend allison . thankfully , she picks up . `` i got it ! i got a lawn room ! '' i shriek as soon as she answers , my excitement overflowing into a wild jig around my tiny dorm room . allison screams on the other end in response-she knows what a huge deal this is for me . there are only fifty-four lawn rooms at the university of virginia , where i 'm just finishing my junior year . they were a central part of thomas jefferson 's design for the school , and spread out under white columns from his famous rotunda . they might be small and drafty , but living in one is a high honor .
there 's a rigorous application process , and they are given to only the most academically-deserving rising seniors . i worked my nerdy butt off in preparation for this moment , and i can barely believe it 's actually happening . `` wait , wait , i 'm putting you on speaker . miriam 's here , too , '' allison says when she finally takes a breath . miriam is the third member of our little group that i met freshman year , and has both supported me and sheltered me through the first three years of college . `` brynn , i 'm so proud of you ! i mean , think of how many hundreds and hundreds of hours you worked for this moment ! '' she gushes . i laugh . `` do n't remind me ! '' i wince , thinking of how much of college life i 've missed while huddled in the back stacks of the library . not that miriam and allison are academic slouches either , far from it , all three of us could probably draw you a map of the library from memory . `` and if it gets too cold in the winter , you can always come crash with us , '' allison adds . she and miriam have been roommates since sophomore year , and will be again next year .
they 've always invited me to apply for housing with them , but after freshman year , i decided i was too much of an introvert for roommates . `` the fireplace is probably the best and worst part of the whole thing , '' i laugh . the lawn rooms have almost no trappings of the modern world , so in the winter all you have to keep yourself warm is your own personal fireplace . it sounds romantic now , but come next january , i imagine i might feel differently . `` are you working tonight ? or can we celebrate ? '' miriam asks . i work in the cafeteria as part of my work-study program to offset the cost of my tuition . `` maybe we could go to dinner together , then see a movie ? '' `` well , i 'm not working , '' i admit , guilt already bubbling up from my stomach , `` but i was thinking i might go out with these girls from my poli-sci class . '' there 's a short silence before allison speaks . `` oh , cool ... sounds fun . what are you guys going to do ? '' `` um , they invited me to this party at the crew house , '' i say , beginning to tug on the ends of my dark blonde hair-a nervous habit that only really gets out of control during finals . `` the crew house ! ? ''
allison exclaims , and i ca n't help but roll my eyes at her theatrics . `` brynn , you know as well as we do that those parties get insane ! i heard that last semester nine of their varsity members got alcohol poisoning in one night ! '' `` well , there are only eight on a team , so i think that might be an exaggeration , '' i murmur . `` though i suppose maybe an alternate- '' `` brynn , the point is , those parties are notoriously crazy , '' miriam cuts in . `` i just want to see for myself , '' i say , trying to keep the frustration out of my voice . `` i 'll call you guys tomorrow morning . '' `` ok ... '' allison says warily . `` bye ! '' i say quickly , before miriam can renew her argument , and hang up . as wonderful as my two best friends are , i do get tired of how uptight they can be sometimes . not that i do n't understand where it comes from . the three of us were n't exactly popular during high school , and when we found each other during our freshman year orientation , it was such an amazing relief to be with like-minded girls .
we were all serious students , driven , with a penchant for fantasy books that might star viggo mortensen in the movie adaption . but now , i 'm beginning to chafe at the boundaries of our friendship . particularly when it comes to going out to parties , and boys . on my early morning trips to the library , i see girls doing the walk of shame across campus , their makeup smeared across their faces , hair rumpled , and first i feel pity , and then intense jealousy . that post-sex glazed over look ... if i 'm honest with myself , i want that too . and i promised myself that if i got my lawn room , i 'd go to a party . a real college party . the kind miriam and allison roll their eyes at as they wonder how many brain cells its attendees are killing by the second . this crew party is the perfect opportunity . i 'm trying not to get my hopes up , but it remains a possibility that i might actually get to talk to nate thornhill tonight . just the thought of his name is enough to send tingles down my spine , though i know the real-life man could probably never live up to the fantasy i 've built up in my mind . i still remember the first time i saw him , walking across campus the second weekend of fall semester of freshman year .
i would 've bet my life then that he was a senior . compared to the boys i had just left behind in high school , he was already a full-grown man . he wore a navy blue polo like it was a second skin as he strode across the grass , jefferson 's palladian architecture spread out behind him like it was built as a set for a movie he was starring in . he wore his wavy brown hair on the long side , and pushed back to keep it out of his dark blue eyes . his nose was perfectly straight and ended over a pair of soft , full lips and a chin with an actual dimple in it . if it were possible for ryan gosling and a kennedy to have a baby , the result would be nate thornhill . i later learned that he was a double major like me , and since one of mine is political science and one of his is history , we overlapped in a few of our core courses . i expected him to sit in the back with the rest of the jocks but he was always in the front row , quick to raise his hand with intelligent answers . i always hide right in the center of the halls ; my shyness overwhelms me in those big lecture classes .
i 've never got up the courage to actually talk to him , and besides , he always has a different girl on his arm . with his looks , money , and being a star of both the lacrosse and crew teams , he draws women in like a magnet . but tonight ? tonight i have promised myself that if he 's at the party , i am going to introduce myself . i shoot off a quick text to cara , my new friend from class , to confirm that i 'll join her tonight , and then turn to my closet . i really only have one option to wear tonight : a simple , slinky black camisole with a lace inlay that i bought at the mall in spite of miriam and allison 's naysaying . i did n't know what i was buying it for then , but it 's the kind of shirt i 've seen other girls wearing to parties . i slip on jeans and a pair of heels that are probably a little low to be cool , but they 'll have to do . it 's not like i have extra money to be adding to my wardrobe . i take out the drug store makeup that i bought and sit at my desk . i never usually wear anything but chapstick , but i watched some youtube tutorials and feel confident i can mimic some of the techniques .
with a compact mirror , i carefully put on a little concealer , blush , brown eye shadow , and black mascara . i bought an eyeliner , but i do n't use it . i think it 's a little beyond my skills . with a swipe of some sparkly lip gloss , i 'm done . i close the closet door and study myself in the full-length mirror . with a start , i recognize myself in the reflection . i turn my face side to side , searching for all its imperfections . with a little makeup on , my resemblance to my mom is more pronounced . everyone always says she is beautiful , so maybe it 's possible that i might be pretty , too . the shirt is more low-cut than i remembered , and i touch my breasts self-consciously . i get my large c-cups from my mom also , but i 've always kept them covered up . i see how men get distracted by them , like they 're some tractor beam pulling them in . one more quick glance to check my mascara application , and i nod at myself , satisfied . it 's been a long time coming , but i think i 'm finally ready to party . chapter two the spring night air is warm on my face as i walk across campus to meet cara and her friends .
i pass other students heading out for the night and feel happy to count myself among them . i go over my rules for myself as i near the crew house , which is just across the street from campus . no more than three drinks . no talking about classes . no weirdness around nate thornhill . `` brynn ! '' cara yells from the opposite sidewalk . i wave as i head over . `` i ca n't believe you got a lawn room ! that 's amazing ! '' i lean over to give her a hug . she 's an effortlessly cool , petite brunette-the kind of girl that everyone considers to be their friend . `` thanks ! '' `` holy shit ! you got a lawn room ? are you , like , a genius or something ? '' her friend rachel asks , her jaw dropping . `` i wish ! then all those papers would have taken me way less time to write , '' i reply with a laugh . `` cara says you 've never been to a crew party ? '' marie , the knockout of the group , asks . `` nope ... just never made my way over here i guess , '' i reply , downplaying the situation . `` well , they have the best parties , '' she assures me . `` and the hottest guys . ''
`` lacrosse guys are hotter , '' rachel argues . `` of course , if you can always do both ... '' marie murmurs , and they burst into laughter . `` hey , you look great , by the way , '' cara says to me as we walk up the front steps of the house . `` love that top . '' `` thanks , '' i say , trying not to glow . a couple guys chilling on the front porch greet the other girls by name , and i blush as i feel their eyes glance over me . i tug my hair self-consciously as one of them grins at me . two girls hurry past us in the opposite direction . one leans over the railing as her friend barely manages to pull her hair back before she retches into the bushes . lovely . sweat and the scent of beer greets us as we walk inside . the lights are dim , barely illuminating the mass of people crowded into the main room , and i feel my heels sticking to the sticky floor . `` cara , the love of my life ! '' a tall , brawny guy says , sweeping her up into a hug . i recognize him from the crew team .
not that i 've studied their roster photos or anything ... `` oh , ha , ha , '' cara says , rolling her eyes , though something about the gleam in her eyes tells me she likes the guy . `` can i get you ladies a beer ? '' he asks , nodding to the keg behind him . `` yes , please , '' cara says . `` hey , foster , this is my good friend brynn . this is her first crew party so treat her nice . '' `` i 'm always nice ! '' foster says indignantly , then bows in front of me and offers his hand . `` m'lady , '' he says , as i place my hand in his and raises it to his lips . marie and rachel giggle and then head over to another group as foster hands them their beers . cara and i follow foster over to an old , mysteriously stained , couch in the corner . we weave around other scantily clad co-eds , and for the first time in my life , i feel like one of the cool kids . i perch nervously on the far left cushion as cara sits next to me , with foster on her other side . i slowly sip my beer as he whispers in her ear . i 've had beer before , even gotten tipsy a few times with allison and miriam when we first turned twenty-one and tried out some wine bars .
i just want to make sure i do n't overdo it tonight and end up like that girl we passed on the way inside . `` where 's nate tonight ? '' my head whips around as i hear cara ask foster the question . my heart stops for a second . i have to admit i 'll feel crushed if he 's not even here . `` he 's somewhere around , probably getting crushed under a pile of chicks , '' foster rolls his eyes , and cara laughs . i down half my beer . i ca n't believe how jealous it makes me feel , i 've never even met the guy . cara and foster keep chatting , and though cara makes an effort to include me , i 'm feeling too nervous to contribute much to the conversation . by the time i finish my beer , i really have to pee . `` be right back , '' i murmur to cara , and go looking for the bathroom . i weave through the sweaty throng to a hallway along the stairs . i see a line of five girls outside of what i assume is the bathroom , and with a sigh , i step behind the last one . the door opens and a guy darts in front of the front girl . she protests . `` sorry ! emergency ! '' he cries , and shuts the door behind him . i lean back a little and glance up the stairs .
there are several people hanging out on the landing , but it 's definitely quieter up there , and i 'm sure there 's more than one bathroom in this place . holding my legs close together , i turn around and hurry up the stairs . i bypass the first couple rooms with open doors and come to a couple closed ones . i can see a room at the end of the hall that looks like a lounge , with a pool table in the middle of the room . one of these two rooms must be the bathroom . i lean toward the nearest one and press my ear against it . i ca n't hear anything . i knock softly and wait for a reply , and when i do n't hear one , i slowly turn the knob and open the door . i gasp as it 's pulled open and out of my grasp . my eyes fly up and immediately i realize that nate is standing before me . `` i ... i ... '' i stammer . his pupils dilate as he stares at me in amusement . i let my gaze fall down his body . he 's naked but for a pair of pale blue boxers . good lord , his body is ridiculous . the line down between his six-pack looks like it was etched in stone . it 's suddenly very difficult to breathe . `` see anything you like ? '' he asks drily . i snap my gaze back up .
a brown curl of hair hangs just over one of his eyes . i clear my throat as i try to think of something to say . i feel his eyes travelling over my body , my skin burning under his gaze as desire begins to pool in my stomach . `` oh , no , i was- '' `` you wan na join us ? '' he says , pulling the door open a little more . i glance over his shoulder and see a naked girl in bed covered in rumpled sheets . `` nate ! '' the girl says with a giggle , and pulls a sheet up over her breasts . if i were n't already naked , i 'd say you were undressing me with your eyes , '' he says smugly to me . i feel my cheeks turn scarlet . `` no , sorry , '' i murmur , averting my eyes and rushing down the hall to the stairs as i hear the girl dissolve into laughter behind me . i run straight out of the front door and down the front steps before stopping on the sidewalk to process what 's just happened . ugh , i 'm such an idiot . i raise my hand to my mouth and wipe the back of my palm across my lips , smearing off my lip gloss .
i do n't belong at parties like this , and i certainly do n't belong with nate thornhill . i 've never been so embarrassed in my life ... and how arrogant , asking me to join him and that girl as though i actually would ? hot tears build up behind my eyes and threaten to spill over . i had such high hopes for tonight , such high hopes for him . and he ended up being so gross . i pull my phone out of my wristlet and shoot off a quick text to cara : hey , just got a terrible headache . headed back to my dorm . see you later ! i head back across campus and to the safety of my dorm room . my phone buzzes and i pull it back out to see her response : feel better ! i envy cara . everything seems to come so easy to her . she can fit in anywhere , make friends with anyone . i guess i 'm just not that kind of person , much as i 'd like to be . chapter three the words are a blur on the page in front of me . i rub my eyes . i did n't sleep well last night , and now i ca n't concentrate on my notes . we have a few days off at the beginning of the week to study , and then final exams .
i ca n't let myself slip just because i got a lawn room , but the events of last night are distracting me and studying right now is nearly impossible . my phone rings on the desk next to me . `` hey , mom ! '' i say as i pick up . `` hey , honey ! i just saw you called me a bunch yesterday ! i 'm sorry . i was out with pierce . '' her melodic voice sounds a little breathless , as it always does when she talks about this new boyfriend . `` well , i have some good news . '' `` me , too ! '' she replies . `` oh ! um , do you want to go first ? '' `` actually , i 'm going to be in town tonight . pierce and i were hoping to have dinner with you . '' `` you 're in town ? ! that 's great news . '' she laughs . `` no , that 's not the news ! do you want to wait to tell me your news until then ? '' why not ? everything 's ok , though , right ? '' `` everything 's great ! we have a reservation for 7 o'clock at decanter . should we pick you up ? '' `` no , that 's ok . it 's just a short walk from campus . '' `` wonderful ! oh , i 'm so excited to see you ! '' she says . `` me too ! ''
i shut my phone feeling dumbfounded . now i 'm really not going to be able to study . my mom 's never surprised me like this before . i frown . could she and pierce be engaged , and she wants to tell me in person ? i guess i 'd be happy for her , but i 've never met this guy before . what if he 's just one more jerk in the long line of lowlifes that she seems to attract ? my mom is so gorgeous and always loved the attention her looks brought her , but her vanity has always worried me . men are so willing to do everything for her , but they never seem to be the right kind of men . regardless of their character , she 's always had a constant stream of admirers , and has never had to do anything for herself . she does n't know who she is or how to be alone . when i came along , my dad showed his true colors and abandoned us , and she had no skills to fall back on as a twenty-two year-old single mother . i always promised myself that i would n't let myself depend on a man like her .
i had to make sure i could make my own way in the world , which is probably why i 've had my nose in a book my whole life . after several more hours of fruitless study , i decide to get ready a little early so that i can take a walk around campus before i meet my mom and her new boyfriend . i put on a cotton summer dress and grab a cardigan in case the restaurant is chilly . i start to feel a little calmer when i reach the lawn and see the rotunda 's white dome in front of me . the architecture always inspires me , and next year i 'll actually be living here . i stand in front of the women 's side of the lawn-genders are separated-and wonder which room will be mine . my mind drifts back unbidden to last night . i so hoped to be able to expand my horizons a little . as wonderful as i know getting a lawn room is , it 's not everything . the way nate 's body looked in the low light from the hall ... the small tuft of hair that showed just above his boxers ... the way he looked at me . i realize i 'm tugging at my braid absent-mindedly , and shake my head at myself-i need to get it together . it 's time to meet my mom and her new boyfriend , and hear their big news .
i glance around as i enter decanter . its architecture is modern and elegant , a mix of cream fabrics and dark wood . i 've never been here before-way out of my price range . i 'm about to approach the hostess when i recognize my mom in a prime booth in the corner . i walk toward her between a row of tables , hearing the hushed tones of conversation and the clinking of wine glasses around me . her eyes light up and she stands as she sees me approaching . she looks even more gorgeous than usual . her blonde hair , a little lighter than mine , hangs in a long bob almost to her shoulders , and her perfect teeth show brightly behind her deep red lipstick . `` brynn ! i 've missed you , honey , '' she says , enveloping me in a hug . `` you look gorgeous . is n't this dress a little big for you , though ? '' she asks , pulling at the extra fabric . `` you know i like this kind of fit , '' i reply , allowing only the slightest bit of impatience to enter my voice . this is a recurring conversation with us . she always wants me to dress a little more feminine , a little more `` form-flattering '' as she puts it .
`` well , i 'm so excited for you to meet pierce . he 's just in the restroom-oh ! here he is . '' i follow her gaze to an elegantly dressed man with salt-and-pepper hair and blue eyes who 's approaching us with a warm smile . `` holly , i 'd think this was your sister if i did n't know any better , '' he says , and my mom giggles . `` brynn , i 'm pierce . your mom has told me such wonderful things about you , '' he says as we shake hands . `` likewise , '' i reply politely , though the truth is that she 's told me almost nothing . `` well , let 's sit . i ordered us some champagne for the table . it should be arriving soon . '' we all obediently sit , me on one side of the cushy leather booth , and my mom and pierce on the other . `` so , brynn , you 're in your junior year ? '' `` yes , that's- '' i break off as my mom reaches for her water glass and i spot a ring on her left hand . not an engagement ring , either . a wedding ring . i ask sharply . `` oh , '' my mom flutters .
`` well , we were going to wait until my son arrived , but- '' `` we 're married ! '' my mom announces suddenly . my jaw drops open . `` married ? '' i squeak . `` i mean , i thought maybe you 'd be engaged but married ? '' `` you 're upset ? '' my mom asks worriedly . `` no , not upset ... '' i struggle to put my emotions into the right words . i always feel the need to protect my mom from what i 'm really feeling . she 's always been more fragile than me . `` just surprised , that 's all . i mean , how long have you known each other ? '' `` well , we met six months ago , '' my mom says . `` and then pierce took me on a surprise trip to the turks and caicos last week , and everything was just so perfect ... '' she trails off , looking to him for support . `` it really was , brynn . and it felt so right . we wished you guys could have been there , but we just felt that we had to seize the moment . it was in this little gazebo on the cliff , with spectacular views of the water , and the captain of a boat that was docked at the resort officiated ... '' `` it was engagement , honeymoon , and wedding in one !
we just wished you and nate could have been there . that would have made it even more perfect . '' i struggle to catch up with all the information they 're throwing at me . `` sorry , who 's nate ? '' `` oh , nate 's my son . he goes to school here , too . i tried to get a hold of him so we could tell you together , but-wait ! there he is ! '' pierce slides out of the booth to wave to his son . nate . not nate ... `` what 's pierce 's last name ? '' i whisper urgently to my mom . `` thornhill , '' she whispers back distractedly , sliding over to stand next to pierce . oh my god . nate thornhill is here . nate thornhill is currently walking up behind me . nate thornhill is my new ... stepbrother , i realize in horror . beads of sweat form at my hairline and i 've suddenly lost my appetite . chapter four as nate walks into my periphery , i watch in slow motion as he hugs his dad and shakes hands with my mom . i can not believe this is happening . surely i 'm in the middle of some strange nightmare and will wake up soon .
i hoped i 'd never have to see him again after last night . `` brynn , honey , this is nate , pierce 's son , '' my mom says , cutting through the fog of emotion in my brain . `` h-hi . brynn . i 'm brynn , '' i stammer as he glances over at me . `` brynn , pleasure to meet you , '' he replies formally . wait , does he not even remember meeting me last night ? `` well , scooch over brynn , so nate can sit , '' mom says , waving me over with her hands . `` right , sorry , '' i say , sliding over so that he can sit next to me . i stare straight ahead as he sits . i can feel my body betraying me already . the heat from his leg under the table is giving me heart palpitations . `` thought you were n't going to be able to make it , '' pierce says a little tensely to his son . `` sorry , i was in the library studying . i had my phone off . '' `` well , you missed the big announcement . we were just telling brynn that holly and i have gotten married . '' i glance at nate out of the corner of my eye .
i see his eyes widen in surprise . `` married ? i thought you said you 'd never get married again . '' `` well , things change . when i met holly , i just knew . you 'll see when you get to know her . she 's a special woman . '' i watch my mom glow like a 1000 watt bulb and ca n't help but smile . it 's been a while since i 've seen her so happy . `` yeah , i 'm ... i 'm just ... '' i watch him struggle for words just like i did . `` surprised . but happy . i 'm looking forward to getting to know you better , holly . '' wow , that was ... kind . not what the guy i met last night would say . `` oh , me too , nate , '' my mom replies , looking overjoyed . `` and i 'm so excited for you and brynn to get to know each other ! '' `` two only children ... '' pierce says meaningfully . `` you 'll have to learn to share . '' my mom laughs and i join in weakly . `` you always wanted a sibling , brynn ! and now you have one ! well , a step-sibling , but still . ''
a step-sibling that i 've had literally dozens of dirty dreams about . perfect . `` so , you two have never met , then ? '' my mom asks , glancing between us . `` pierce and i were so excited when we realized both our kids were juniors here . '' `` uva is my alma mater , '' pierce adds proudly . `` no , we 've never met , '' i break in quickly . i see nate eye me for a second before he nods . `` nope , never met , unfortunately , '' he says . `` we thought it best not to tell you guys about us until we knew it would really be forever . i thought it would have just been so awkward for you two if we 'd broken up and then you have to keep seeing each other around campus , '' my mom explains . `` yes , that would have been awkward , '' nate says drily , and i know he 's thinking that nothing could compare to my own awkwardness last night . the waitress comes over with the bottle of champagne that pierce ordered . dom perignon , i see as i look at the label . whoa , he must be loaded . my new stepdad must be loaded .
she expertly pops the cork and pours us each an elegant flute , placing the bottle into a wine cooler next to the table . pierce takes his glass and raises it . `` to a new family , '' he says , looking around the table . we all raise our glasses and clink them together . i manage to do so without making eye contact with nate . the champagne tickles my throat on the way down . i 've never wanted to drink a bottle of alcohol more in my entire life than at this moment , but i keep myself to a modest sip . `` so , honey , you told me you had some news , too ? '' my mom asks , as she puts down her glass . `` oh , yes , though i do n't think i can follow that announcement , '' i hedge with a smile . `` please ! you sounded excited on the phone , '' she encourages me . `` well , i got a lawn room , '' i reveal . my mom gasps in excitement , but i see pierce glance quickly at his son . `` i thought you said that they had n't announced it yet , '' he says quietly . `` i ... i knew you 'd be disappointed . i was waitlisted . it was difficult , juggling two varsity sports , a double major- '' nate replies . i glance at my mom and then between the two men .
nate is looking down at the tablecloth . `` i was selected for a lawn room , too , '' pierce says , interrupting him and turning to me . `` it 's an important accomplishment . '' `` thank you ... '' i say hesitantly . nate looks so miserable . `` being waitlisted is impressive , too . '' he glances up at me sharply , his eyes flashing . shit . i heard it , too : pity . `` well , congratulations , both of you , '' my mom breaks in . `` i have no idea what i 'm going to order ! everything looks so wonderful . '' she runs her finger down the menu in front of her . having grown up in a family of irish immigrants , my mom has always avoided conflict like the plague , though this time i 'm glad for the change of subject . i decide to order the steak since money does n't seem to be an issue , and we each order a cocktail in addition to the champagne . something begins to tug at the back of my brain after the waitress leaves to put in our food orders . `` pierce , i 'm sorry if this is an ignorant question , but were you in office ? your name sounds so familiar . '' `` yes , '' he replies , looking pleased .
`` i 'm a former congressman- '' `` -for virginia . now i remember . you helped pass the campaign finance reforms . '' i smile . `` good memory . '' `` one of my majors is political science , so i try to keep up with it . '' `` and your other major ? '' `` global health . '' `` you know , i run thornhill and co . consulting of k street , and we 're still looking for a summer intern . interested ? '' `` dad , i thought you were going- '' nate breaks in before i can respond . `` and i thought you were going to get a lawn room , '' his dad replies , keeping his voice light . `` so , brynn , what do you think ? '' `` well , um , i was just going to get a summer job back in maryland to help pay for tuition , '' i murmur . did pierce promise his son the internship ? i do n't want to start off this relationship with nate on the wrong foot . `` you do n't need to worry about tuition now , honey , '' my mom says softly . i look at her in surprise . oh my god-is pierce going to pay for my college bills ? the thought had n't even occurred to me .
i look between them as they stare back at me calmly . `` oh , oh , i did n't think-i mean , i 'd love to , but i just-if nate wants the- '' `` then it 's settled , '' pierce cuts in . `` i tend to go into the office quite early , but we have an extra car you can use . '' `` sorry ? i do n't understand . '' `` well , pierce and i are moving in together . i mean , i basically live there now , but i 'm officially selling the old house , now that we 're married . '' of course . '' my brain scrambles to process all the new information . just as i 'm working it all out , i feel a hand on my knee . i look down in surprise to see nate 's arm disappearing under the tablecloth . i glance at him . he 's looking straight ahead as though nothing 's happening . i struggle to maintain my composure as heat travels from his hand and all the way up to ... `` so , this summer , i 'll be living with you then ? all of you ? '' nate turns to smile at me politely . his hand moves another inch up the bare skin of my thigh .
i widen my eyes at him but he does n't react . we 'll all be living at pierce 's house- '' `` our house , '' pierce corrects my mom with a smile . `` our house , in potomac . it 's got tons of space , beautiful views of the river . it 'll be wonderful to have the summer to bond with each other , and really become a family . '' nate 's hand moves another inch up my leg . i can feel the rough , calloused skin of his palm . i 've never been so turned on in my life , but i 'm struggling against it . what is he thinking ? we 're at dinner with our parents ! `` i know you have some stuff at the old house , but we 'll have it moved to the new one . everything will be all set up when you get home , '' my mom says , smiling at me . `` mmm , '' i reply , trying to focus on her words . `` i was n't that attached to the old place anyway , '' i add with a shrug . we 'd moved a couple times after my dad left , so no one place has ever felt like home .
nate 's hand moves another inch up my thigh , pushing up the hem of my dress so his fingers rest under it . my whole body is tingling . holy hell , i can barely breathe . i 'm shocked pierce and my mom do n't seem to notice that anything 's happening . with his other hand , nate takes a calm sip from his champagne flute . where 's the waitress ? he 'll have to move his hand when the food comes . he moves his hand up another inch . i ca n't take it any longer-another second and i 'm going to start moaning . as my mom moves her head to pierce 's ear to murmur sweet nothings , i slide my fork off the table and press it tongs-first into the top of nate 's hand . i hear him make a sharp intake of breath and then his mouth twitches as he tries to hold position through the pain . i press down harder . suddenly he yanks his hand away and i just manage to stop my hand in time so the fork does n't hit my leg . he turns to me and smiles , a wicked glimmer in his eyes . he was fucking with me , i realize . that 's his way of taking revenge for me showing him up in front of his dad ? what a goddamn creep !
i lean toward him with a fake smile plastered on my face . `` if you 're that pissed about it , bring it up with your dad , do n't take it out on me . i did try to turn it down . '' i hiss into his ear . he turns to me with an equally fake smile . `` i 'll do whatever the hell i like , sis . '' he says quietly so our parents ca n't hear . the rest of the meal passes without nate making another fake pass at me . the gears in my brain begin to move as i think about how i 'm going to be spending the entire summer , and potentially many other seasons , living with this guy . my life has been completely upended tonight , and i need some time to process everything . after the waitress clears our coffee cups and pierce takes care of the bill with a black amex card , we stand up to say goodbye . they 're going to drive back to maryland tonight since it takes under three hours . i hug pierce goodbye , then my mom . `` i know this was a lot to take in , honey . we 'll talk everything over , i promise , '' she whispers reassuringly , then kisses me on the cheek .
i smile at her and begin to tear up-i 'm pretty overwhelmed . nate surprises me by leaning in for a hug as our parents look on with a smile . `` great to meet you , '' he says , then whispers almost silently in my ear , `` sorry , we 'll never get a chance to have that threesome , sis . '' i freeze as he pats my back once and then breaks away . he remembered . and now he will always know how attracted i am to him . i have a feeling i 'm never going to hear the end of it . chapter five `` i do n't mean to question the relationship , it was just so sudden , '' i explain to my mom as she drives me home from the airport . i usually never fly to or from college , but pierce insisted . my biggest worry was that nate and i might be on the same flight , but luckily his exams ended earlier than mine . i want as much time as possible to prepare myself for our interactions . `` no , i get it , i really do , '' my mom assures me . `` you can ask me anything about pierce , or me and pierce , and i wo n't be upset . '' `` he treats you well ? '' `` he 's wonderful .
he 's always surprising me with little gifts , trips , even . i do n't know what i 've done to deserve him . '' `` well , i think you 're pretty great . '' i offer dramatically . `` oh , i did n't mean it like that ! i just mean , pierce treats me like a princess . and the house is basically a castle , '' she adds , pointing to her right . i gasp at the flagstone mansion we 're pulling alongside . that 's his house ! ? it 's huge ! '' `` i know , right ? '' my mom replies with a laugh . `` it has maid 's quarters ! but you 'll get used to it , really . '' `` there 's a maid ? '' `` he used to have a housekeeper/maid who would cook for him , but now i do most of that stuff . i love having someone else to cook for again . the maid just comes once a week now to do a really thorough cleaning , '' she explains as we pull through the wrought-iron gates leading the driveway . `` are you still working at the salon ? '' she used to support herself as a manicurist at the tiny salon back in our small town in eastern maryland . `` nope , not anymore .
i 'm volunteering , though , and thinking of joining some charitable boards , '' she says nonchalantly . my mom , a lady who lunches , i think , shaking my head . i do n't know if i can see it . my mom presses a button on the car 's dashboard and one of the two garage doors opens . we pull inside and i look around at the huge space as the door closes behind us . if i 'm this in shock about the size of the garage , i ca n't imagine how i 'll feel about the rest of the place . after the tour , which took over an hour because the house is so massive , my mom finally leads me to my room . my head is swimming at the lavishness of my new home . as we walk down the plushly carpeted hallway , i 'm alarmed to realize that i can actually smell nate . he must be nearby somewhere . i 've been dreading seeing him again and hoped i 'd have more time to settle in before our first confrontation . `` here 's nate 's room , '' my mom says as we pass a partially open door . `` he 's out somewhere right now . '' i shake my head at myself . i wish i could turn off the part of my body that 's attracted to him .
if anything , though , my sex dreams about him have only become more frequent and more alarming ever since he laid his hand on my thigh . `` and here 's your room . '' i ca n't believe it 's right next door to nate 's room . there are so many rooms in this place-i would have preferred to have a bit more separation between us . `` whoa , '' i say as she pushes the door open , and my misgivings about the room are forgotten . a canopy with a delicate white fabric settled on it hangs over the four-poster bed in the center of the room . a matching nightstand , bureau , and vanity make up the rest of the furniture . the wallpaper is a tasteful , blue and white pattern with small birds on it that complements the light , airy feel of the room . i release the handle of my luggage and head over the to the window seat and kneel on it . there 's a spectacular view of the potomac river below-the house was clearly built to play up the amazing location . i glance to my left . `` is that my own bathroom ? '' `` yup-no more sharing ! '' my mom replies gaily . i step inside and admire the all-white tile and huge tub . i 've never been in a house so nice .
i ca n't believe i 'm actually going to call this place home from now on . `` you want anything to eat ? '' my mom asks from the bedroom . `` um , yeah , that would be great , '' i call over my shoulder . `` ok , i 'll whip something up . you stay here and get settled . i 'll be in the kitchen when you 're ready to eat . '' i wander back into the bedroom as my mom disappears down the stairs . there is one question i have that i ca n't bring myself to ask her . it 's just ... i know my mom worries about money , about me graduating from school with so much debt . it 's not that i think she would have married pierce just for the money , but i worry that it might have clouded her judgment a bit . they got married so quickly-can she really know him that well ? maybe i 'm just falling back into my usual pattern of co-dependency and mothering her . she 's a grown woman , i ca n't control what she does and i 'm not responsible for her decisions ... not to mention , i am hugely relieved to not have to carry around student loans for the rest of my life . i kick my sandals off and sink back down onto the window seat .
the potomac is a dark green sliver barely visible through the bushy trees that line the back of the estate and continue down to the shoreline . i startle as a figure breaks the stillness . i recognize nate 's head as he walks up from the lower lawn to the pool , a lacrosse stick tucked over his shoulder . sheesh-is he training already ? school just ended ! i bite my lip as i watch him toss the stick on the deck and peel off his shirt . he uses it to wipe the sweat off his face , then tosses it on a chair and kicks off his sneakers . his body is just ... impossible . i mean , i guess it makes sense . two varsity sports are probably enough to give anyone a body like a greek god , but he also has the face to match . he jumps in the pool and i watch him swim a lap , the cool blue water cascading over his muscular back and shoulders . i need to get used to seeing him like this-and stop acting like a total freak every time we 're in the same room . this is my new normal . `` your food 's ready ! '' my mom calls upstairs , her voice echoing a bit in the multi-level foyer . i jump up and head downstairs . i turn into a formal dining room before finding my way to the kitchen .
i stop as i realize the kitchen windows look directly out onto the pool . great . `` i ca n't believe nate 's already in the pool . the water 's still freezing , '' my mom comments . `` yeah , he 's crazy ... '' i reply , before i really hear what she said . i 'm too distracted by nate 's backstroke , his arms cutting cleanly through the water . `` so you two never once ran into each other on campus in the three years you 've been at uva ? '' she asks , sliding a blt onto the glass table in the breakfast nook . we sit down across from each other and i start eating . `` no , well ... we had n't ever met . '' `` but ? '' my mom digs , hearing a slight hesitation in my voice . `` well , nate 's really well known around campus . he starts on the lacrosse and crew teams , he 's smart , good- '' i catch myself and pretend to clear my throat . `` good-looking ? '' my mom asks with a smile . `` mom ... '' i groan . `` well , he is . i 'm not blind . actually , pierce looked just like him when he was his age . ''
i see nate get out of the pool over my mom 's shoulder and shake himself off . i force myself to look down at my sandwich as he walks across to a lawn chair and lies down . `` what happened to nate 's mom ? '' my mom winces . `` pierce does n't really like to talk about it-too painful . apparently , she cheated on him and then abandoned him and nate . they never see her . '' `` oh , that 's awful , '' i murmur , trying to shove down the twinge of pity i feel for my new stepbrother . `` i think it 's one of the things that brought us together-raising a child by ourselves . '' my eyes flick to the door as nate slides it open . he 's put his shirt back on but it clings to his still damp torso , emphasizing his muscular pecs and shoulders . he drops his sneakers on the mat as he shuts the door behind him . `` hey nate , '' my mom greets him . `` would you like a sandwich ? '' `` you do n't have to do that , '' he says , a little gruffly . `` i do n't mind at all , '' she replies , standing to move back to the counter . he pauses , then sits in her abandoned chair a bit reluctantly .
`` it 's so funny that you and brynn never met at school ! '' `` i think there might have been one time- '' he says , glancing at me , that same devilish look back in his eyes . i feel his knee come to rest against mine under the table , and i quickly cross my legs . `` in class . we have been in a few of the same classes together , '' i clarify , narrowing my eyes at him . `` we have ? '' he asks looking genuinely surprised . my mom quietly spreads mayo on a slice of bread at the marble island . `` yes , '' i whisper , embarrassed . of course he would n't remember all of the times we 've sat in the same classroom-only the time when i ogled him in the doorway of his bedroom and completely embarrassed myself . i blush . i want to sink into this seat cushion and disappear . he frowns at me then turns his palm over and begins to pick at a callous . `` so honey , pierce says you 'll start your internship on monday , ok ? that 'll give you a few days to settle in , '' my mom says as she slides the sandwich in front of nate . `` sounds good , '' i reply , glancing at nate out of the corner of my eye .
`` i 'm having someone over for dinner tomorrow night , '' he announces rather abruptly . `` oh , wonderful . a friend from around here ? '' `` not a friend , really . a girl i dated in high school , '' nate clarifies . i keep my eyes trained carefully forward . `` do you know if she has any dietary restrictions ? '' my mom asks , excitedly flying into hostess mode . `` i could make this chicken dish my mom passed down , or ... '' i tune out as she offers more ideas , and polish off my sandwich as quickly as possible so i can excuse myself and go upstairs . i sigh as i close my bedroom door behind me . so now i have to have dinner with nate 's ex-girlfriend . is this what the rest of the summer is going to be like ? nate punishing me for his father 's favor by exploiting my attraction to him ? i 'd rather be back in the library , buried in a book . chapter six i push the sauteed chicken around my plate as i try not to watch nate drape his arm around the back of dana 's chair . she 's pretty . very pretty . and sweet . i wish she were n't so sweet so i could hate her for a good reason . `` so how long did you two date ? ''
my mom asks . `` well , it was on and off , so ... hard to say . he actually went to prom with one of my friends , '' she replies , jokingly nudging nate , who at least has the grace to blush . `` nate ... '' his dad says , shaking his head admonishingly . `` oh , it 's ok . i went with one of his friends , '' dana says with a smile . `` i think we both knew it was n't meant to be . '' `` a couple of my friends met their husbands in high school , '' my mom says , resting her fork on her plate . `` though i read an article recently that said that twenty-eight percent of women meet their husbands in college . '' she looks pointedly at me and i jump up . `` i 'll clear , '' i announce . i have a feeling i know where this conversation is headed and i want to avoid it . `` oh , thank you , brynn , '' pierce says , as i stack the plates on top of one another . `` no problem , '' i reply . `` i waited tables in high school . '' `` same , '' nate says , as i reach in front of him to take his plate .
`` you did not , '' i retort , before i can think . he looks up at me and raises his eyebrows , his gaze unreadable beneath them . pierce laughs . `` it 's true . '' `` my dad says working is the only way to build character , '' nate reports quietly . `` oh , '' i say , blushing as i push my way through the swinging door into the kitchen . i place the china carefully next to the sink and lean onto the counter . god , i feel like i ca n't say anything right around nate . my mind freezes up while my body is set on fire . `` so , are you dating anyone at school , brynn ? '' pierce asks . damn him . `` not right now , '' i reply , sitting back down . `` who were you dating ? maybe i know him , '' nate says , his dark eyes picking up the candlelight in the table 's elaborate centerpiece . my mom spent all afternoon on it . `` probably not , '' i say evasively , pasting a polite smile on my face . he really knows how to get under my skin . the truth is , i 've never really dated anyone , much as my mom pushes me , and as much as i 'm embarrassed by the fact .
`` who wants dessert ? '' i manage to sidestep any more questioning by bringing out the last course , though now i 'm starting to think about the fact that nate and dana are probably going to want to go off somewhere after this and have sex . i hope it 's not in nate 's room . what if i can hear them through the wall ? my mom insists on clearing the dessert plates , and nate and dana stand up . pierce and nate start talking quietly , and dana comes over to me . `` you are so gorgeous . '' she offers . `` i have to ask : what do you use on your skin ? '' `` i-what ? um , soap ? '' oh man , she really makes it difficult to hate her . `` soap ? just ... soap ? oh my god , i have this whole routine , '' she says , laughing at herself . `` well , thanks . i guess i 'll be seeing you around often ? '' i ask , but she looks surprised . `` because you and nate are dating . '' `` we 're not really dating , '' she confides to me . `` he 's not the type , and i gave up hope years ago .
but just look at him-can you blame me for coming back ? '' she says with a grin , then her eyes widen . `` oh my gosh-sorry ! i forgot for a second that he 's your brother ! '' `` step-brother , '' i correct her . `` well , i 'm gon na head upstairs . it was really nice to meet you , dana . '' `` you , too , '' she replies , stepping away to join pierce and nate 's conversation . i head into the foyer but at the last second decide not to go upstairs . i need some air . i find myself heading down the hallway and to the french doors in the wood-paneled study . they open onto the patio and i step outside with relief , closing the door behind me . the firm breeze from the river calls me forward and i head down toward it . i circle around the swimming pool on the first level of the backyard , and then down to a grassy lawn with a lacrosse goal set up on one end . the wooden stairs down to the rocky beach are set on the right side , and it takes me a minute to find them in the dark . as i head down the steps , i see the potomac spread out in front of me .
the water rushes hungrily by , lit only by the sparsely set houses on the cliffs surrounding it . as i step onto the shore , i can feel the rocks pressing up through my sandals , and boulders casting long , dark shadows on either side of me . this is no white-sand beach . the river runs dangerously fast after rains , and there are even white-water rapids along parts of it . i look back at the steps behind me and then back out at the river . i feel so out of place here . even though our old house did n't really feel like home either , i wish i were there now , stretched out on the ratty old couch , with my mom in her chair , watching something on our small tv . i do n't know if i 'll ever be able to feel like i belong here . i 'll always feel like a guest in pierce 's house . i walk down closer to the water until i can feel the pebbles getting smaller underneath my feet . i do n't want my shoes to get wet . i jump as a bird breaks out of a tree above me . i can just see it as it flies off , its body a moving ink blot against the dark sky . i wish i could follow it .
i turn and walk back toward the steps , feeling as lonely as i 've ever felt . i shake my head at myself as i climb the wooden stairs . my mom is happy , and i 'm fortunate to live in a place like this . stop feeling sorry for yourself , brynn . as i walk across the lower lawn , i look up and see my mom and pierce 's bedroom light go off . i guess they 're turning in early tonight . i walk up toward the pool and freeze as i hear a moan . the lights downstairs are all off except one in the hall , and the pool 's lights underneath the water . my eyes dart around and fall on two writhing bodies on a poolside lounge chair . nate and dana . i stare as nate whips off his own shirt and then dana 's . i know i should move but i do n't . the blue pool lights shimmer against his back muscles as he expertly undoes dana 's bra and pulls off her pants and underwear . leave , you pervert ! my brain commands me , but my body stays firmly glued in place , even as it throbs with desire . one of nate 's hands massages dana 's ample breasts , and the other disappears beneath her .
dana cries out immediately and i almost gasp myself , as though his hands are moving against me . i can practically feel his touch on me , his hot breath against my ear as his expert fingers move inside me ... nate grunts and pushes against her . she struggles to contain herself as he thrusts slowly in and out of her . oh my god-what am i doing ! ? i step back with a jolt as though i 'm breaking out of a trance and almost trip over the hydrangea bush next to me in my hurry to get away . i run as quickly and quietly as i can around the side of the house and to the front . i reach the front door and pray that nate is going to lock up later . i feel the doorknob turn and push the door open in relief . i hurry up the curving staircase and down the hall into my room , kicking off my sandals before hurling myself onto my bed and burying my head in the pillows . i can feel my cheeks burning with mortification over what i just witnessed and the uncontrollable desire i felt . i 've had crushes before , but none like my obsession with nate . and even after finally meeting him , only to have him tease me and push my buttons , i still feel so physically drawn to him .
i pull my face out of the pillow and crawl to the nightstand , pulling my dog-eared copy of lady chatterley 's lover out of the top drawer . just as i 'm opening it to the folded-over page , there 's a quiet knock at my door . i toss my book on the bed and walk to it , hoping and praying it 's not nate . i almost jump as i pull open the door and nate 's face appears , shrouded in the darkness of the hallway . he leans forward , leaning his forearm on the doorjamb as i step back nervously . his wavy hair looks particularly unruly , and his lips are curved in a slight smile . `` technically speaking , does a peeping tom have to be outside , looking inside ? or does the term still apply if both , or all three , parties are outdoors ? '' he asks , calmly , tilting his chin up slightly as he considers me . `` i ... i do n't ... '' i stammer , feeling heat crawl up the back of my neck . `` you . were . watching us , '' he accuses me , narrowing his eyes . i just ... i was down at the river ... how did you ... ? '' `` i heard a twig snap and saw you running away like a drunken ostrich . '' `` did dana- ? '' `` no , and i did n't tell her . ''
`` thank god . '' `` so ? what did you think ? '' he smirks . `` oh , i 'm so sorry , again . i 'm so embarrassed , '' i rush on . it strikes me that this is the longest conversation i 've ever had with my new stepbrother . and it 's about how i 'm a pervert . fantastic . `` why were you watching us ? '' he asks , stepping forward into my room . i take another step away from him . `` um , i ... i do n't know . it just sort of happened . i did n't mean to . '' `` liar , '' he comments lightly . `` asshole . '' it slips out before i can stop myself . he tilts his head slightly . `` prude , '' he levels at me . i look down . maybe i am a prude , but i do n't want to be . he asks . when i look back up at him , i see him gazing past me , to my book on the bed . `` nothing , just a book , '' i say , but he 's breezing past me toward it . i hurry after him but he reaches the bed before me and picks up the book . `` see ? '' i say defiantly .
`` i know what lady chatterley 's lover is about , '' he says , looking at me with a smug grin . `` maybe not such a prude after all , '' he adds , running his eyes up and down my body . i swallow hard . `` you know what i think ? '' he asks , stepping toward me . i step away again , feeling one of the posts of my bed against my back . `` i think you want me . i think you can barely contain yourself . '' `` that 's mighty arrogant of you , '' i comment . i begin to tug the ends of my hair nervously . `` why are you doing that ? '' he asks , frowning . `` it 's just a nervous habit , '' i say with a shrug , and drop my hand . `` so i make you nervous ? '' `` no , '' i reply quickly . `` just you being in here ... '' `` i 'm only arrogant if i 'm wrong . '' `` wrong about what ? '' i feel the urge to pull my hair again but do n't want to give him the satisfaction . `` wrong about you wanting me . let 's give it a test- '' he narrows his eyebrows , studying me . `` i 'm going to kiss you now , and all you have to do is tell me to stop . '' `` what ? that 's crazy .
not to mention you just fucked dana , and now you expect me to kiss you ? '' i protest , but he steps toward me . i try to pull backward but i 'm already pressed against my bedpost . desire unfurls deep in my stomach as his eyes lock onto mine . `` if it 's crazy , just tell me to stop , '' he whispers teasingly , and moves closer . his musky scent fills my nose and my mind begins to swim . i feel wetness trickling down my thigh as he curls his arms around me , grasping the bedpost with both hands behind my lower back . he 's so close to me . i can feel heat radiating off him . his legs and chest sink against me and he moves his lips toward mine . just a few inches between nate thornhill 's mouth and mine . now an inch . now two centimeters ... i can feel his warm breath against my partially open lips ... `` stop . '' i whisper . he freezes but does n't pull away , as though he ca n't believe what he 's just heard . though truthfully , i 'm marveling at my own restraint . i can feel his erection against my thigh-i know he wants me , too . now i can beat him at his own game .
i lean forward slightly , allowing my lips to brush against his as i speak , `` unless you do n't want to . '' his eyes , which were focused on my lips , flick back up to meet mine . i force myself to stay steady even as i 'm consumed by the lust in his gaze . he stares at me for a moment , then pushes off the bedpost and steps back . he opens his mouth , about to say something , but nothing comes out . i remain pressed against the bedpost as he turns and moves toward the door . without looking back , he shuts it behind him . i stumble forward and take a deep breath . it 's like he takes all the air out of the room and i ca n't breathe when he 's around . i ca n't believe i just rejected him . i 'm stunned , but i also feel like giving myself a standing ovation . i just resisted the advances of nate thornhill , my fantasy of almost three years . i should win a willpower award . i knew that if i 'd let him kiss me , i would forever lose any kind of power in our relationship . i 'd be just be another pathetic girl who fell for his charms . of course , the downside is that i 'm more turned on than i 've ever been in my life , and i 'm alone with a book again .
i sigh and crawl back onto my bed . i have a feeling that whatever is happening between me and my stepbrother , i have n't seen the end of it yet . chapter seven `` i 'm so happy there 's another girl working here ! '' constance says , swiveling around on her desk chair . she 's my new cubicle mate , and one of only a handful of other interns at thornhill and co. `` ah , there . my outlook is finally working , '' i announce , opening the email system on my desktop . `` so they 'll want you to sign an nda and stuff , but after , want to go to lunch ? '' she asks . `` what 's an nda ? '' i turn to face her . `` non-disclosure agreement . there are a ton of senators and big business types who come in here , and you ca n't tell anyone . very important , '' she says in hushed tones . she seems very pleased that she 's snagged this coveted internship , which is probably why i have n't told her that i 'm the boss 's stepdaughter . i 've never benefited from nepotism before , and it feels strange and uncomfortable to me now .
well i 'd love to get lunch later this week , but i 'm having lunch with my friend allison today . we go to uva together , and she 's got an internship at this urban planning place in georgetown , so i 'm going to meet up with her . '' georgetown has really good shopping . i 'd love to go with you sometime . fashion is like , my side hobby , and you have a stylist 's dream body . '' `` i do n't think i- '' i begin my canned response to a shopping invitation before i realize that maybe i can afford it . and constance looks so perfectly chic in her patterned cardigan and statement necklace . `` you know , that would be wonderful . i really do n't know what to buy . '' `` oh , i can help you with that . but careful not to wear anything too tight around mr. thornhill , '' she adds , rolling her eyes . i ask with a frown . `` oh my god , who is that ? '' constance asks , breaking away from our conversation to stand and peer over our cubicle wall . i join her to see nate and pierce walking down the hallway together toward the elevator bank . they must be having lunch together . `` that 's his son , '' i reply , immediately sitting down again .
`` he looks like a polo model ! '' constance exclaims , sitting back down . `` um , what were you saying about pierce-mr. thornhill-just then ? '' `` well , i 've never had an issue , but maybe he 's just not into asian girls , '' she says , throwing her black hair over her shoulder carelessly . `` from what i 've heard , though , he has a certain reputation . '' `` oh , no , '' i reply , worriedly tugging on my hair . i knew he was too good to be true . from what i 've heard , he 's pretty harmless , he 's just from a different generation when it comes to women around the office-especially young women , '' she adds . `` mmhm , '' i reply , my mind already spiraling into crisis mode . `` you ok , brynn ? '' `` maybe he 's changed , though . i mean , he 's married now , '' i say , clinging to a speck of hope . `` yeah , i heard he got married . '' she shrugs . `` could be . i do n't think it 's something that 's been really recent or anything . '' i nod , feeling slightly mollified .
we both spin back to our computers as we hear footsteps approaching our cubicle . i glance up to see pierce and nate appear in the opening . `` brynn , this is going to sound awful , '' pierce begins , and i brace myself . `` but nate and i had plans to go to lunch , and we got down to the lobby before i realized how rude it was not to invite you along . '' phew . for a second i thought he overheard our conversation . `` oh , that 's so nice , but i actually have lunch plans with my best friend from school , anyway . '' `` oh i see ... well , enjoy ! there are some great restaurants around here . we just wanted to let you know you were invited , '' pierce says kindly , though from nate 's frown i 'm guessing that it was more his idea than his son 's . `` constance , right ? '' he says , turning to her . `` yes , that 's right , '' she squeaks . `` alright , well , we better get going or we 'll be late for our reservation . see you at home ! '' pierce says with a wave , and walks off with nate in tow . huh . i notice that nate did n't say a single word to me .
i guess he does n't like being the one left wanting for once . `` why will mr. thornhill see you at home ? '' constance says , slowly turning her desk chair to face me , a weird expression on her face . `` um , well , i 'm his stepdaughter . he just married my mom . '' constance gasps and buries her face in her hands . `` oh my god , oh my god , i 'm so fired . i 'm fired , right ? '' no ! i do n't have that kind of authority , i 'm just an intern , like you . '' `` you 're the boss 's daughter , and i was just gossiping about him ! '' `` step-daughter , and i get it . if i 'd heard rumors like that , i might want to warn other women i work with , too . '' `` but i do n't even know if they 're true , i 'm so sorry , '' she says miserably . `` really , it 's ok. and i 'm sorry that i did n't tell you earlier that i 'm his stepdaughter . i just ... you know , did n't want it to seem like it was the only reason i got the internship . i mean , i really do work very hard . ''
`` of course you do ! of course . yes . i should get back to work , '' constance says , turning to her computer and beginning to type rapidly . `` ... and now i 'm worried she 's going to keep acting really weird around me , '' i confide to allison over a caesar salad at clyde 's on m street . `` do you think it 's true ? '' she whispers , leaning over the table between us . `` i do n't know ... i mean , maybe he was just a flirt , and it got blown out of proportion , you know ? '' `` i bet that 's what it is , '' allison says , nodding her head sagely . `` who knows how stories like that really get started ? and once they 're out there , you ca n't erase them . '' `` i hope that 's what it is ... i do n't want to discount some woman 's , or women 's , experience just because it would be inconvenient for me , though , and painful for my mom . she would be so crushed if it were true . '' `` i would n't worry about it . and that girl said they were old stories , right ? '' `` right . ''
`` and you said he treats your mom well , so i bet they 're just ugly rumors . '' `` yeah , yeah , '' i reply , pushing the thought of pierce 's alleged misbehavior to the back of my brain . `` how 's the place you 're staying at george washington ? '' i ask , knowing she 's taking advantage of a program at the nearby university to give summer interns a low-cost place to stay in an otherwise expensive city . my roommate 's kinda loud , though . how 's your new house ? '' `` it 's so big ! i do n't know why anyone would need that much space . i mean before my mom and i got there , it was just for two people . well , three , including the maid . '' `` there 's a maid ? ! '' `` there was . she does n't live there anymore . oh , and there 's all this flagstone on it , so i thought it was old , but my mom said that pierce had the house built around fifteen years ago . he must have spent a lot of money to make something so new look worn-in . '' `` you 're lucky , '' allison says . `` how 's the stepbrother ? i do n't know if i could live with a dumb jock . ''
`` well , nate 's not dumb . i 've been in a few classes with him , and he 's really smart . he was even waitlisted for a lawn room . '' `` you 're a little defensive of him , '' allison observes , sipping her water . `` yeah , i guess so . i do n't know why though . he 's been playing these weird mind games with me . '' `` mind games ? '' she repeats , frowning . i push a crouton around my plate as i think about how much to tell her . i have a feeling it 's not the kind of situation she 'd condone , but i also really want to talk to someone about what 's been going on . `` well , you remember that i used to have a crush on him ? '' `` yeah , i remember you saying something about it sophomore year . '' `` i ... i still have a crush on him . or i think i do ... i do n't know . i 'm definitely attracted to him , and he 's aware of the fact . he can be really rude , and then last night , he almost kissed me , but he ... '' `` whoa , what ? i mean , brynn , he 's your stepbrother . ''
`` i know ! but only for the last few weeks , and- '' `` ok ... but what if you did kiss ? what then ? you 'd have to see him every day , because your mom and his dad are married . and then even if you were n't living together , what about holidays ? you 'd be cutting the thanksgiving turkey and sitting across from the guy you 'd made out with ... for every thanksgiving . '' `` ugh , you 're right , '' i reply , dropping my fork and covering my face with my hands . this is why i did n't want to tell allison-she 'd throw logic in the face of my hormones . but the truth is , she 's right . i feel like a bucket of cold water has just been poured over my head . `` you 're right , '' i repeat . `` i ca n't believe i even let it get this far . '' i head back to the office after lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in an awkward silence with constance . i try to get her to engage about online shopping , but she only offers me one-word responses .

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