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I tried three times to get this web site and it kept bringing up that the server was down. I am the mother of a 10 month old and when he goes to bed, that is the time I need to get busy and do my work. I often stay up until 2 or 3 am trying to get everything done that I need to get done. I have the King and I on the TV, I am looking very much forward to going to the Bass concert/ performing arts center to see it. I bought three tickets. My husband and I are going and taking my grandmother for her 75th birthday. it should be a real treat. the house is quiet except the TV (on low) and the dishwasher. I love the sound of the dishwasher. It is a night time sound for me because when I was growing up my mother would turn it on after the news on her way to bed. It is a comforting sound. It was a normal bedtime noise then, now 20 years ago, and now in my own home I enjoy the sound. I would miss it if we were to get one of those new expensive machines that didn't have the same rolling and tumbling sounds. I love water, the ocean, it kind of reminds me of that, but in thinking about it also probably sounds like being in utero. This musical is so beautiful, I just love the musicals of the past, a time long gone except you can visit through videos, theatre in your mind. Its sort of and escape from daily hectic real life schedules. Speaking of hectic every day schedules, my car is in the shop. It was there today since 9am and at 445pm I hadn't received a call about it yet. I don't think they are very considerate, I had to call, and if I hadn't would they have closed up and gone home without saying a ***** word to me! probably. In order for me to be in class at noon tomorrow, I need to have Nicholas at the daycare by 11am . and I have to have a way to get the car. Freddie works night at the post office and he needs to go to bed when he gets home, not fool around waiting to take me down to the Honda service dept. being without your car is a big pain in the butt. It is the air-conditioning , door locks, and electric window. of course, it is the drivers window that is messed up, and when you unlock the door with the key, it sometimes does and sometimes doesn't lock and unlock the real drivers door. and usually it is when I have my arms full of stuff, the baby, and when I am in a hurry. As soon as I am finished, here in a matter of minutes, I can go read the mountain of books I had to get this semester. Man, this assignment is making me sweat. When I complain about things I often feel bad, because I know there are people who have it worse than I do. We watched TITANIC . broken up in three evenings, it was good, but it made me cry. what a way to die. or lose your family or loved ones. Life is the sweet with the tart. I guess. I am curious what will be achieved from your collection of these stream of consciousness writings. I have more than satisfied the 20 minute requirement now, I would like to print this as a receipt, but guess what? my ink cartridge is out, and it was for the survey too, so I hope I can pull it up again and print it when I get out to buy one, I tried at target last week, but of course, they were out !!! the story of my life. | high | high | low | high | low |
I am very disappointed. its been raining all day and I'm tired. I didn't sleep last night, that isn't any good. I can't stand not sleeping. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just not good enough for college, or at least UT. Things have been hectic the whole time I have been on campus, and if I don't do good this semester, I'm going to fail out. I hope that I can pull this all off. The weekend was nice though, partying with all of my fraternity brothers was a good time, and seeing all of my old high school baseball buddies was cool too. I need to do stuff like that more often. I hope that things can get back to the way they used to be, since I liked everything much much more back then, when my whole life was a hell of a lot simpler. I miss high school, sadly enough. I liked school a lot better when it was just me and 1500 other people. I knew everyone, everyone knew me. Life was good. I can't stand this 50k of people on campus around, it drives me crazy. I'm lucky to see A friend walking around campus, let alone a lot of them. Oh well, I hope that life gets better soon. This weekend should be a lot of fun. Oh, my pizza is ready, its been 18 minutes since I sat down. I spend a lot of time thinking and then trying to transfer things to words. Same old problem for me. I can think great, but when it comes to putting things to words, I suck. | high | low | high | low | high |
Metallica. Some of the old stuff so its a lot more music and fewer lyrics. But really, now that I think about it, twenty minutes is a long time to write. At some times, my head is full of random thoughts I can write about but there are not too many tonight. I think part of that is because I am tired. I knew Mondays would be long when I registered for classes and ended up with a lab from seven to nine on monday night. But today seemed long. At least my classes are manageable except for Calculus. I think I will have to work harder to keep up in that class. Actually work hard just to stay with it instead of working to be far ahead. Well maybe I won't have to take too many more difficult math classes after the next couple of semesters, especially if I transfer out of elec. engineering and go into the business school. But I heard the other day that not many of the classes you take in the engineering courses transfer well to business so I may have to start over. I know that the computer science course I added will not transfer but I decided to take it anyway because I would like to know how to program at least in a general way. Never know when that could come in handy. It sure has been hot the last few days. Weeks. Months. I have also had to walk all over campus just to get all of the administrative stuff out of the way like paying my add bill today and getting the sports package over at the stadium. I got a lucky break and got to pay in the UGL instead of having to wait in the very long line for the cashiers in the main building. A lot of stuff has happened in the last few weeks. I wonder how Tricia is doing. And Daniel. And Chad. He really had a tough week last week. I feel bad about writing that screwy email. It just reminded him that he didn't get to go to the college he wanted. I wonder what caused the extra fees? Too bad he won't get to play football for them. That reminds me that we are going to the game Saturday. I need to go get tickets tomorrow. In the morning after class. The food has gotten bad over the last few days. Maybe it comes in cycles of the stuff I like. Or maybe they just serve the good, fresh stuff the first week or so to give the impression that the food is actually good. That is the funnier one to tell. It is always good to have a good cafeteria joke for all of the family and other people back home. Sterotypes of college. Most are at least partway true but sometimes it gets tiresome trying to explain the real so you just let them believe it and so forth and so on this paper is dragging on I really don't think they mean to read them all. Should I include all of this stuff or just do some selective deleting? I guess if anyone reads this they will never know anyway. What do you think? Do you think I deleted anything? That will remain one of life's little (very little) mysteries. That about does it for the twenty minutes. Only a few seconds to go. I wonder if I will finish with this sentence or if it will go on until the time | low | high | low | high | high |
I tried to get onto your pretest experimental thing and it didn't let me on that's very bad for m e since I will have to waste more damn time tomorrow doing it I heard it takes a long time to do. This whole college thing is really starting to scare me I missed my Si session today for Rtf and let myself down. I f you want to make an impression on these people you have to grab them by the balls with a 4. 0 average. How am I going to do that when I have already missed one of the damn Si's I'm telling you I better get my act What am I even doing here I need to get my mind on other things like movies why aren't your thoughts ever on movies they're always on what to do to impress the next person . Just get ahead of thy game early and you'll do fine God I hope I get a $. 0. $. 0 the way to go. I don't want grad school though California Vivian Yeah that's where I'm going to be in a while no matter what. I have it the right stuff. Ed Harris. Good movie. Remember what the guy at Northwestern said The Right Stuff had god use of parallel editing. where you edit two frames together that are similar in how the shot is set so as not to disrupt the audience's attention. What is the audience's attention . Movies. this paper what am I rambling about I wonder if the proff will read this Jesus you type like a gorilla . Sigourney Weaver Gorillas in the Mist about some ape lady Aldrich something. Ironic that was in our psychology book. ironic but not funny just ironic sue me I took a pause to see how much time I had left this is all anyway what is it supposed to prove that our mind wanders is it supposed to give us some great insight into how we think rrAAh. it is pretty fun and it will be interesting to read over this am I supposed to wow I'm a slow typist that sucks. What was it sophomore year that I got a B in keyboarding yeah I told Chad Crady about Stephanie McKinnon and we always used to fight each other in class and he'd pretend that I was beating him up why are you and all of these people so concerned about each other especially women is it just to procreate that we are interested in women or is it like Psychology. professor says that there can be different views on the whole thing. Of course dumb question there can be different views on every thing but which is the right one? time up | high | low | low | low | low |
Sometimes, I don't understand my ex-Boyfriend. He tends not to tell me everything, especially the ones that he thinks I shouldn't have to worry about. Maybe it's because we didn't have enough time to know more about each other before I left. A lot of times, I sincerely wished I had known him earlier, and things between us could have been lot better. When we were together, I didn't think I would miss him that much even if I came back to US. But, somehow, he knew I would miss him. But I really didn't realize how much I miss him until now that I am back here. I couldn't call him nor email him. The only thing I can do to keep in touch with him was write letters. It takes about a month back and forth. And one month is really too long for me. I want to know how he is doing and if he misses me as well. I wish he could come here to see me. But I know it's just my imagination to something that's almost impossible. Even though we never really talk about how we are now since we are so far away from each other, at least, I know that we are still good friends. | low | high | low | high | low |
guess ill just have to wait. atleast I can get this out of the way then. I'm so tired, but I think its that coffee from mojo's thats keeping me up. I have that song stuck in my head by aliyah. "I got what you want, I got what you need, can I get another shot, this time I going to make it hot", oh well, enough of that. I finally get to see salima again!!!! this friday!!!!! I can't wait after forever, I'm so excited. anyways, my hands are getting tired from typing this much, and its only been 2 mins. I'm going to go crazy, no way I can write like this for 20 mins. oh no, this sucks. oh well, nothing I can do, I have to stay awake for my laundry anyways. atleast my roommate eric stopped snoring now. and finally that damn pretesting crap worked. I finally got the confirmation sheet, now I'm set to go do some experimenting. hope nothing messes up though, I don't want to end up like the nutty professor or like in flubber or anything. its probably going to be easy, like analyzing dreams and crap like that. oh well. guess I shouldnt call it crap, I mean this is psychology class, I can't make fun of it in a psychology paper. that doesn't even make sense, I'm goin crazy, because my hands are HURTING!!!!! oh man, my eyes are closing, I'm fading fast, got to fight it, can't sleep, I can do it, then all I have to do is sleep in class tomorrow. oh, but I can't, I have . my ear itches. just scratched it. anyways, as I was saying. I have a damn quiz tomorrow, and the TA hasnt taught us anything. she's so sorry, I know more than her. but its those word problems that are messing me up. I can do the work just fine, just those word problems sound too complicated, and I get confused on what its asking me to do. oh well, hopefully there wont be any word problems to do. man this sucks. I'm bored, gloria is sleeping, so I can't chill in her room tonight and "study". salima is asleep, so I can't talk to her. kajal is being a bitch, so I don't want to talk to her even if she is awake. amar and ripal are both asleep, steve is probably awake, but he talks too much, so I don't want to chill with him. hopefully when I get off the computer gloria will have left me a voicemail telling me to come upstairs and chill with her. maybe she is awake, because I just called her and talked a little while ago. she said she was going to sleep, but oh well. she likes some other guy now, but thats ok, I already got what I wanted from her. but she's cool, we'll have other "study" sessions, I'm sure of it. she was pretty good though. oh well, can't get into that now, just in case somebody that shouldnt be reading this does. damn, not even 10 mins yet. I've never wrote this much so fast ever. its kind of cool, but weird at the same time. because none of it makes any sense and none of it flows, thats ok though, I guess thats the point of the assignment. now I'm wondering about what experiments I will be able to do. seems like fun. I can't wait. I'm excited because my check card came in the mail today. now tomorrow I have to go to the co-op and buy the solutions manual for calculus, because the TA doesn't know how to teach, and she's a aloser. I hope I'm typing everything fine. I'm trying to type with my eyes closed. lets open my eyes now and see how things went. hey, pretty good!!! anyways, I hope fauzia brings me that paper in class tomorrow about selling your notes and all, it'll help out, I mean, every little bit counts!!! well I'm almost done know. its been 12 mins. so not too much to go. this kind of sucks, meghan and angela are coming on friday, in the evening, and I'm leaving for back to dallas in the afternoon. hopefully I can stop by baylor on the way back from dallas and check out the dorm room. we'll see what happens. man, now that I'm thinking about angela, gloria did the same stuff to me that she did, but gloria went farther. oh well, she looks a lot better than angela anyways, so I guess its better that way. ok, enough of that. I'm just really hoping we can do that kind of stuff later on also. ok, enough, for reals this time. man, my contacts are sticking, and they're causing my eyes to shut. oh well, hopefully when I'm done with this, the clothes will be done. that way I can get em out, and go to sleep, I havent had good sleep since I moved here. I got to wake up all early. and besides that I'm always awake, never sleeping. but I guess missing sleep last night was worth it, after what happened. hehehehehe. oh well, ill miss sleep for that any night of the week. I don't care about sleep when that is concerned. I was all sore last night from working out too, but I'm not going to let that stop me. hellz nooooo!!!!! I'm still a bit sore, because we started working out on saturday. its starting to wear off, so I'm getting used to working out, I just hope we stick to working out everyday, because I need it. but I kind of like that sore feeling, because atleast then you know you're doing something, and that something is improving. man, this is loooonnnnnggg, but its ok, I doubt anybody will even read it. I guess its just like a completion grade. man its hard to have your words and all agree with me. don't just play with me like that. well actually, you can play with me anyway you want. oh good, only 2 more minutes than I get get ready to hit the sack. 1 minute!!!! this is weird its like a countdown for newyears, but hena didnt make a big deal about leaving. I wish salima understood more and didnt cry as much as. whoa, just opened my eyes REAL wide, now I can see, and I see that it has been over 20 mins, so I am done. bye bye | low | low | low | low | low |
I just came back home to Austin from Houston this morning. It was not a bad drive today. I am now at home relaxing for the remainder of the day. I really kind of miss home but I guess I will get used to living on my own after a little while. I miss my parents and girlfriend. It is hard to leave the people you care about the most knowing you won't see them for a period of time. Hopefully though I will start to meet many new people here at the University of Texas. I really like Austin, now I just need to explore it. I know a few people up here and they have helped make it a lot easier to be here. I hope school is not too terribly hard. I know I must study and do all of my assignments and make sure I do not fall behind. I think reading and attending class are two of the most important elements of college. I am somewhat scared though at the fact that three tests comprise your semester grade. If you do bad on an exam, you will really have to work hard to pull yourself back up. I just don't know? I need to get into the routine of college before I can give a valid evaluation of what college really is to me. I hope I do well. Enough with school. I am so excited to be living on my own. I have new responsibilities as well as many new freedoms. There is nobody here to tell me when to come home or what to do. I am the superior. With this new freedom though I know I must watch and take care of myself. No one is here to pick up after me and no one is here to watch over me which is kind of frightening. It creates a sense of happiness, but at the same time a sense of fear also. | low | high | high | low | low |
By back hurts when I sit like this and I can feel the little tendon that is inflamed. I don't really have to think about each letter that I type on the keyboard I just think about what I want to say and it goes from my mind through the fingers and into the computer. I just stopped to think about what to write about next but I don't know exactly what I'm thinking so I'll write about what I just thought. my mind is telling me that it is lunch time and my stomach is agreeing. I think that I am going to eat healthy today because I have been slacking off pretty bad. I should probably eat some of the food that my parents gave me this weekend so that my roommate doesn't eat it all. Gosh my back hurts. Damn rain. Houston has a lot of rain, probably more than Austin I think I like usstin a lot better than Houston, it is cooler here to there is not nearly as much humidity, Gosh I have a bad cough, why do I get depressed so easily I think my problem is that I am always trying to please everybody else and not myself. I guess that is good because it is unselfish but it is my life and everybody says that life is short but see there I go listening to everybody else again. Goodness I have a cough a headache and my back is so screwed up , it sucks to go from being very active to nearly useless . My whole life has been about having fun and playing sports and now it hurts to bad just sitting here. it is amazing that I was not paralyzed, I could not imagine what it must feel like to know that you will never stand up strait or run or even walk again. that suck but I see now that my situation is not as bad as many peoples. what do I write now I wonder. I wonder how many people will be on sixth street I wonder why my nose is itching and I haven't stopped typing to scratch it . it must be a zit trying to emerge. Janel if you read this you probably think that last statement is gross but I am very frank. I wonder if I am going to do good here at UT. I wonder what song that is being played down the hall so loud. I wonder if that is. Oh well the reptilian part of my brain is telling me that I have written for twenty minutes and that I should do something else. | low | low | low | low | high |
I even went to summer school here in the Preview Program and I still find myself in amazement sometimes. I am adjusting well-- a great deal better than my mom. That could be because college is something I knew I had to do and the University of Texas at Austin has always been the place I wanted to be. My classes are okay. I have a sort of messed up schedule. I really cannot complain. Tuesdays are the only days that totally messes with my mind. I cannot seem to get signed up for a research experiment in Mezos. I have went by a numerous amount of times. I like to get things done ahead of time. I am just now doing this because the lab is always full. I am too lazy to go to the one at my apartment complex and when I came to the lab yesterday I totally messed up on the waiting list procedure. When it asked for your name, I put in my name instead of my if account. so I couldn't log in and it assigned my computer to someone else. When I used the lab over the summer I never had to get on a waiting list, so I did not know. I did get quite embarrassed though. I did it right today. But I guess I did not anticipate doing so, I did not bring a disk. As far as I can tell though I don't need one to complete this assignment. so let's see, school is doing fine. I am having roommate trouble a little bit. I live off-campus and I have 3 roommates. Well, 3 of us get along fine. But one attends ACC and she is 17 years old (boy, does she act it). Well, that is the only thing that is bothering me. I am stuck with her for a year. She lied to get in our apartment and now we are stuck with her. Oh well. In my Philosophy class, which I just left by the way, Professor martinich is so interesting. He wrote two of our textbooks. He' s real perceptive and insightful. I am taking Philosophy of Religion. There are about 150-200 people in the class, so we have SI Groups. I hate my SI. We are supposed to discuss and we actually get graded for it. But, I don't fell comfortable doing so. I love to talk and I have plenty of opinions, so that's bothering me. The only thing I can come up with is that when talking about a thing like religion everyone comes into the discussion with strong opinions. Like last week, we basically argued. I made a comment and they looked at me like," Boy is she stupid. " I don't like that. Even the TA acts like he has his own views and those that are against the grain aren't worth listening to. He questions your comment and accepts others. I don't know. I am thinking about talking to Dr. MArtinich. I guess I'll give it one more try. that was just the first one. I shouldn't get counted off for being in an uncomfortable environment. | high | high | high | low | low |
I mean, there were many questions about over eating. of course everyone wants to lose weight that is a given. and the thing about the spiders is just plan dumb. oh but my friend on the fourth floor asked me to go up and kill a lizard for her. when I went in to the room she was on top of a chair with a flashlight shinning at the lizard. it was hilarious. and it wasn't like the lizard was huge. she was just really really afraid. man, I have a lot of homework and studying to do. I came here in the summer and I always had reading to do and now it is like I have 3 times the work. it is very cold right now. my room always stays below 60. oh man, I woke up at 11:00am to the sound of someone drilling!! I was very upset. it lasted about an hour and a half. I have a lot of laundry to do. my clothes are all strung out on my floor. I wonder if anyone is going to read this besides the psychology department. I don't think any normal people would want to read this. you know it wasn't until this previous year that I learned how to spell psychology correctly. weird huh? I just never took the time to learn. my sister went and watched saving private ryan. she said that it wasn't any good and that she hated and the killing. and now she will have a test over it on monday. she said it was hard for her to pay attention. for her sake I hope she paid good enough attention that she passes it. I had the same english teacher that she has right now. I won't mention any names but she is a really hard teacher. she started out as a dean of students at sul and then she went to my old high school. she was really hard and expected a lot out of us. I found that I like the challenge. I think that someone just had a wreck. I'm sitting here typing and I heard screeches and then a bang. I heard that this morning, only it was a bigger bang. I didn't get up to look. I was very tired. I hope that everyone is okay. my room is very cold!!! I wonder why they set the thermostat so low. here it is in the summer and I'm sitting in my room with sweet pants and a long sleeve shirt on. I normally have on a sweater. you know, I wonder what everyone else will be typing about. I decided not to worry about capitalizing my words because the instructions stated to not worry about grammar or sentence structure, which is great because I'm not that good with grammar and sentence structure. I wish we didn't have to type for 20 minutes. I have been going for 13 minutes now. I hope that the next seven minutes go by fast. to whoever is reading this, how many have you read? I wonder if there are any interesting. I think that psychology could be interesting. I just don't like some professors. for example, in my exercise physiology class I have this proff that just kills the class. not literally, but it is a very interesting class and I have trouble staying awake. I wonder if I chose the right major. I mean I like physical therapy and all, but I think that I would rather be working with cancer patients. I wonder what people are writing on this thing. I wonder if someone is treating it like their own personal diary. I have four minutes now. after these four minutes are up I'm going swimming. no not really, I have to do homework. I have a big concert to go to tomorrow and I'm trying to finish all my studies. you know I use to never use the word studies but for some reason it just came to my head. I like to write papers like these, no grammar, no structure just typing. I like to type I can type over 70 wpm. I'm currently looking for a job. and so if the person reading this knows of any available positions that I might be good for, you just let me know. I have one more minute left and I plan on finishing at the time I am suppose to. I bet that some people don't type for twenty minutes. I could have typed for 10 minutes for all you know. for some reason at the beginning of this assignment I was thinking about things to type but not any more. obviously. well my time is up. peace out. | low | high | low | low | high |
it stresses me . I this what I want to do or I am finishing something merely because I feel I have to. I think this is what I want my degree in but just maybe not what I want to do seriously. I am so much happier about my life at school already. I want to meet a good guy that I can hang out with and not worry about how I look and stupid stuff like that. I just hope it happens pretty soon. I love art now. There something so mysterious about it to me. What were they thinking? Although I think some of it is sketchy as to call it some sort of meaningful piece but I guess it is to them. It is definitely one of those things left to the beholder. I am not sure if I buy into all this psychology stuff, It is a little hard to follow. We'll see. Just out of curiosity, what are they going to be able to tell about me from this bit of blabber. I bet they read a lot of weird stuff. I am normal, I guess. Sometimes I am a bit complicated but in an interesting way, of course. I do stress about that. If I am to complicated for the guys I am around at school. So many of them are just existing until their next beer. Get a life. and a job. I think I am looking in the wrong place. maybe I am looking and that is my problem. It is kind of something that makes time pass. You know, waiting for the next guy, wondering what he'll be like, if you know him already, if he has a girlfriend. I am stressing that I will have to stay up too late tonight. Couldn't stay awake in class, That bothers me. It is rude. I don't know what to say for 20 minutes. I probably won't go the whole time. I have a lot to do. I wonder what they think of me so far. Honestly what I am thinking now is not always what is on my mind so forming some sort of a synopsis is unjust. Just checked to see how much I had written. This is really boring, you know. I talk to myself all day. The last thing I wanted to do was write it down. I have to try to balance my spending every month. I have 3 weeks left and its not looking good, already. If only I had a job, I wouldn't feel so bad about asking for extra cash every month. But I don't and I do feel bad. I must go, this is driving me insane. I keep thinking about what I have to do. | high | high | high | low | high |
I got very bored doing my chemistry homework so I decided to do my psy. I am very excited about tomorrow night because my sorority is having a mixer. I am a little confused about what is going on with my ex-boyfriend. I guess since that is what I am thinking about I might as well write about it. I don't understand why boys expect so much from girls when they are starting college. Sometimes it really gets on my nerves how they expect you to come see them in another town every chance you have. They must not understand that we have other things to do. They are not always more important, but they are things that we are obligated to. For example, all I have heard about for the past year before I even came to school here was how bad sororities are. That is the biggest bunch of bull I have ever heard. I am now in a sorority, broken up with my boyfriend and having the best time hanging out with my friends. Now he is telling me that it is great that I am in a sorority, but I just think it is a bunch of crap. He is just telling me what I want to hear. I have done it plenty of time. Anyways, why worry about that. Well on to a new subject. I love how brain wanders in very different directions all the time. Like tonight, I planned on staying in my room and making the most out of my time. Well since I love my friends so much, when one of them called me and asked me to take him to his truck, I got up and did it. I wasted an hour and a half just out talking to people I did not know. Oh well, I made a couple of new friends. I also hate it when the phone rings non stop and every call is for me and I have to stop reading to talk to these people who call asking me how I like college. What do they think I'm going to say, that I hate it and want to go back to litttle bitty Bay City. Yea right! I was excited though when my aunt called and told me to come over any time I want to. And when I got to talk to my best friend in the world it was a lot of fun. Anyways, I don't even have the slightest idea what I am writing about because I can't remember what I have said. I guess I am getting CRS like my mom. I guess it happens when you have more things to organize and think about. I am really glad that my parents made me take typing in high school because I would have a problem typing all of this if I could not type. I am really pumped up about the football game this weekend. I am so glad that a group of us are going. Well my time is almost over and then I can go up to my room and mark off one assignment from my list that I made. I am really glad that I am an organized person and take on responsibility well. So far organizing time for all of my homework and all of my social activities has gone rather well. I have not had to miss anything and I have kept up with my reading. Well since this is not a grade, I guess since I rambled on it is o. k. My mind is not thinking very complex right now. Just very simple no brained thoughts after a very long day of classes! | low | high | high | high | low |
Yesterday I could not get it to work and I was frustrated. I am feeling happy now that I know how to do this. I am also all caught up in my reading so that is also a good thing that makes me feel good. I hope I can do that for the rest of the semester and stay on top of things. I am worried though about an assignment I have do tomorrow and need to get it done on time. I have to find an example of it though on the computer and that hasn't happened yet and that makes me feel frustrated. I will be relieved once I get that done. I have never done an assignment like this before and it is kind of different and new to me. I am not used to writing down everything I think about and my feelings. I am also pretty tired right now and could use some sleep. I hope I get my things done early tonight so that I can get some sleep. Today it has been hard for me to concentrate and not start daydreaming in class. When I am tired it is hard for me sometimes to pay attention. I make sure though I hear what the professor is saying and not get behind or that would bother me if I knew I missed something important that he said. In a little while I have to take a Calculus quiz that I am worried about. I don't like to take quizzes because I get nervous before they start, even when I know the material. Right now I feel like I need to go workout. I enjoy working out and haven't done much of it since school has started. It makes me feel better and more energetic when I run. I feel good about myself and what I am doing. I like to take breaks when I am studying, so that I don't study for long periods of time without taking a break. For example, after I finish one subject I either watch TV for a little while or grab a snack and then go on to the next subject. This helps me when I am studying and I feel great once I have finished studying or reading a subject. It has been really hot outside today and it feels good whenever I finally come into a building that has air conditioning. I had to walk all the way across campus from class to my friends dorm and once I got there I was tired and hot but now I feel a lot better. I have always carried a backpack with me even in high school but now it is harder in college because you have to walk a lot greater distance. I really don't know what else to say. It won't be long and my next class will begin and I must get prepared for my upcoming quiz. I am really glad though to have at least one of these writing assignments done now. It is one thing off my list of things to do. I feel I have now finished one more task of the day. | low | high | high | high | low |
I believe sometimes I think to much about what's at hand. I always have to be scheduled and know what's to come. I wonder if its just good discipline or if its a problem. For example its the first day of class and I'm doing the writing assignments already, it was my mind so I did it. My mind is wandering, I'm thinking about my girlfriend at home and what she is doing and thinking about, hopefully me of course. What are my other friends doing that went to others schools, do they feel pressured. What am I suppose to be thinking or typing about. I wonder if your looking for any certain topic we should be thinking about. Am I going to do well in this class, will I get an A, B , C, D, or even fail? I guess I will find Out Eventually. | low | high | high | high | high |
Its really cool being able to see all of my friends and hang out. Yet, I feel like I'm somewhat out of place. It was really strange coming home yesterday. As soon as we came into town, it felt like I was in some kind of mirage. It was like I was dreaming and it still feels that way. I really need to do a lot of homework but I don't think I'm going to get a whole lot done, considering the circumstances. I went to our high school football game last night. Wow, was that strange. I saw some old friends and it just felt so strange. Its going to be even worse going back, because now that I've seen everybody I somewhat want to stay. But, on the other hand I need to go back, have to go back, and I do want to go back. I've met people and I still want to meet more people. I've had a lot of fun down there, and so I want to go back. I have too much homework now. Uhhh, that sucks. Well, the UT football game is on and they're already losing! I guess it is UCLA, but come on guys. Oh well, I guess I'm supposed to be talking about my college experience. So, anyway, I don't know, I'm getting adjusted pretty well to the university. I love the campus. Absolutely, love it. The buildings, especially in the six pack, and with the view of the capital and the tower is just amazing. I'm from Dallas and the Austin area is just so much nicer and I feel so much safer. There's not a lot of places like that up here, but it seems like everywhere in Austin is like that. I've been down to the river, and it its so much better than our river up here, the Trinity. And the lakes in Austin are so clean and nice. Plus, there's so much to do. Which, is also somewhat of a bad thing, since its harder to get my work done with so much going on. Something that does seem really weird is that I can actually study better in my dorm room than I could in my own room here at home. I guess because I realize that in college, I'm paying for my education, so I'm taking it a lot more serious. I can't screw around now, and I actually do find myself wanting to learn. Surprise! I actually sit in class and listen to the professor. I have a lot more respect for the teachers down here because I know that they know what they're talking about and I want to learn more. The whole is experience is so much different and better than high school, in my opinion. Coming back home, and seeing friends still in high school; I feel sorry for them. High school was fun and all, but college is fun, and I feel I'm getting a quality education. Plus, in high school, there's way too many people who just don't want to be there. And they have to act so stupid for some reason, and it was just extremely annoying. In college, everyone who's there is there because they want to be there. So, they're aren't people who just want to cause trouble and act stupid all the time. Food. What is the deal with the food at Jester? I mean some of its good, but the main course is always terrible. Its cold and looks like something has infested it. But, to be fair, there is some good food, every once in a while. Home food. Now, there's a big difference. Mmm. Got to love it. That's got to be the best thing about coming home, at least one of them. Also, not having to worry about money is a great thing. I'm getting along great with my roommate. I had heard about all of these horror stories about roommates, so I was a little worried at first. But, I usually get along with most everybody, so I figured it would probably be ok. And it was. He's normal and listens to the same music as me. We're getting to be pretty good friends. The only thing I'm worried about now is the tests. Everyone keeps telling me that no matter how much I study some times I'll still fail. That worries me. I would like to think that if I know the material then I would pass the test. And so far, I really haven't had that much homework to do. I have had to read a lot, but I haven't had much writing work to do. I think I'm running out of things to talk about, or rather, think about. But, well, its been twenty minutes, and I guess I understand what this was all about. Plus, the UT game is on, and hopefully we can somehow, with the grace of God, pull off a win. I think that may be impossible though, so maybe then we can get some kind of close loss. Man, we are getting killed. Oh well, next week we get to play Kansas St. ! And they're only like, what, 5th in the nation. That's not so great right? Out defense just plain sucks. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen such bad plays as what I'm seeing right now. But, hey, we've got Ricky though, so maybe he can pull off some kind of miracle. Yeah, its going to be one of those games that goes down in history because we came back and won. There, that's positive thinking. I think that's what the team needs the most. And if football can't do that great, we've still got some other great athletes in some other great sports. That's the great thing about UT, we've got so many sports that something's got to be good. And I love how there's like an organization for everyone, so that everybody fits in. The organizations are great because they make you feel more at home. You're able to be with people that you feel comfortable with. Ok, its been like way past twenty minutes so I guess I'm through. Uh, bye, I guess. | low | low | low | high | low |
I already wrote a 20 min passage for this assignment. Unfortunately, when I tried to submit it, it didn't work. There was some sort of error and now I am having to redo the entire thing. So basically, I simply feel frustrated that I have to redo this assignment when I could be using my time for something much more useful than this. Beyond that, my thoughts are concentrated on my future. I am currently trying to decide what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I feel as though this is a very big decision. well, it is! My decision today is going to affect the sequence of events for the rest of my life. My career choice will determine what kind of people I meet and what kind of contribution I make to the world, and what the value of my work will have. It is important to me that I make a good decision. For this reason, I feel a lot of pressure to choose wisely and not rashly. I want something that will be viewed as impressive and intelligent. I suppose this shouldn't really be a factor. After all, isn't the most important thing that I am satisfied with my job? The opinions of others shouldn't influence me. And yet, I want people to think that I am intelligent. I can't help it. That is just the way I am. Perhaps I have a bit more of Peter Keating and a bit less of Howard Roark in my than I would like. Another important factor is the value of my work. I would like to have the satisfaction of contributing something useful to the world. For example if I were a microbiologist, I could work in the medical field to find a cure for a disease. Another important factor is money. I would like to say that money isn't important. However, this is a lie. I want very much to make enough money to be able to enjoy life. I want to be able to order food at a restaurant without considering the price. I want to be able to go on vacations every year. I want to see the world. Of course I need someone to have fun with while I do these things but that would fill up an entire additional 20 of writing if I went into my thoughts on social and antisocial feelings. The underlying point here is that I want to have money to do things that will help me enjoy my life. If these were the only criteria, I think I could find a job fairly easily. The real clincher is the next criterion. I want to enjoy my job. I know that some people think this is not important, my dad being one of those people. However, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a job that I am going to hate. I don't wan t to get up in the morning and dread going to my job. I don't want to have to drag myself out of my bed. I am going to spend many hours every week at my job and so I want to make sure I enjoy it. Not only do I want to enjoy it, I want to make sure I choose the career that I will enjoy THE MOST. Perhaps this is the reason that I find it so difficult to make a career decision. I feel as though I am currently being productive in my career quest. I added a class this semester that will allow me to explore engineering and determine if I might possibly love a career in architectural engineering. If not, I have determined that I should remain in the college of natural science because that is where I will find a courseload that interests me the most. Surely if I choose a major that interests me, a career that interests me will be a corollary. | low | high | low | high | high |
It is Friday, which means that school is done for the first week. My classes have gone extremely well. I have calculus, MIS, Psychology, Intro to Western Music, BA101. My calculus teacher is kind of hard to understand, though. I am also very happy because I have worked out at the gym every day since moving here. I am trying to lose weight and have already lost three pounds. I am also trying to eat better. I run for between 10 to 30 minutes, walk, and do the bicycle machine. The Castilian looks like it has delicious food, but since I'm trying to eat healthy, it's kind of hard looking at all the people eating ice cream, pizza, hamburgers. Once I get to my goal weight, I am going to allow myself one food treat a week. Another reason I am happy is that my email is finally working. It took two hours for a man here to set up my internet. I was on the phone yesterday for like eight hours trying to set up my email. No one seemed to be able to help me. A guy came in today and hooked me up in less than half an hour. Now I have a ut account and one with Juno. I emailed my dad today, and he wrote back. Tonight I hope I do something fun. It is great having a roommate I have been friends with since the sixth grade. We both know when to study and when to have fun. We study every week night and try to go to bed as early as we can. She is in Architecture. She is going to be very busy with that. My sister did not go to college. My parents are moving to Austin in September. That will be convenient for when I want to see them. The window to our room is open right now and it feels great out. The tower is chiming and I am in a fantastic mood. Earlier, when I was in the elevator, the lights turned out for a second and it seemed as though the power was going to turn off. I gasped! I feel lucky to be able to come to college here to get an excellent education. I hope to have a job I love once I graduate and to be successful. Once I get my first job after college I plan on saving a lot of money and also investing. I think about my future a lot. I'm kind of a worrier. I've met some really nice people at the Castilian. A lot of the girls here just got finished rushing for their sororities. I didn't do that. I don't think I have time for it as well as how much money it becausets. I was surprised that two of my professors are women and the class I haven't gone to yet is also taught by a teacher. For some reason I felt that a lot of the professors were going to be males. I did not bring a car to school because the car I had was really old. We've had it since before I was born. It's a 1979 Toyota Corolla. I had a love/hate relationship with it. I loved it because I've known it forever. I hated it because it was so slow and had no radio. I had a yellow jam box in there so I could listen to tapes I made. It got really good gas mileage, though. A lot of people from my home town, Temple, go to school here. My roommate's older sister is a sophomore at UT and she stayed at the Castilian last year. We requested her room and got it. We face the tower. I forgot to take my vitamin today. I should do that before I go to dinner. I can't wait until I can have a dog. I love dogs. When I was in elementary and middle school I had a Yorkshire Terrier named Candi. She was the cutest little thing!!! My roommate had a really great mutt the whole time I knew her named Charlie. He had to be put to sleep. Her family got a new dog who is really stupid named Bailey. His parents names were (not joking) Terry Punky Panda and Cowboy Junkie Jow. This dog is literally the stupidest dog I've ever met. He doesn't understand when you don't want him near you. He's chewed up a lot of my roommates stuff at home. Both her mom and my dad work for the same company. Hopefully this coming summer I can get a job there doing something. I've had a job since I turned 16. Well, Got to Go. I'm going to eat dinner and take a shower for tonight. I am in a great mood!!!!! | low | high | low | low | high |
it is 7:30 right now and I have to write for 20 minutes. my roommate is going to come in here and read this and make fun of me. she said she would be home at 7;30 I bet it will be a lot later. damn, I'm really bad at typing, iwish I did't have to look at the keyboard while I did this. I wonder who will be reading this thing. I would really like to read someone elses. I hope after this I can get back on that pretesting thing because it sure as hell wasn't working for me earlier. what if I can never get back on it. I'll probably fail this class. man, I just got a call from someone at atm. I could see it on the caller id. shit, that means I'm going to have to calle them back and pay for the long distance. I couldn't answer it and let it skrew up my thinking process. ireally wonder who is going to read this. I wonder how much more time I have. I don't want to look at the clock that will make it seem worse. I wonder what my parents are doing. I bet they're pretty bored. I really suck at typing maybe I should take keyboarding class or something, am I going to run out of room here? it looks like it, oh no ican keep going. I feel like doing something fun. I wish bryce would stop calling so damn much. watch him get on line and be able to read this. iwonder if thatsa possible. I bet you have to know my social security number or some thing. but the university knows it. I wonder if the computer is like timing me or something. my mom would be really proud of me for doing this she doesn't think I know what I'm doing when it come to computers. my roommated will also be impressed when she come home from whereever she is. I bet this would be a lot harder to do in that class room with 400 people. iwould probably start writing about the people around us. by the time I finish a sentence I've already thought about 10,000 other things. I wonder if other peoples are going to be like this. they are probably going to talk about something worthwhile. I used to think it was worthwild. I hear voices outside my window I wonder if they can see me. they're probably saying that girl looks at th e keyboard when she type instead of the screen. wow time is going by really fast, I only have like 4 more minutes. I wonder what will be done with this and if I will ever see it again. where the hell is lindsay? I think I'm starting to get a crick in my neck. I have 2 more minutes. computers are pretty fun I wish I didn't have such early classes. I keep thinking some one is going to knock on my door. geez my suitemate is really weird. I wonder what she does. damn almost all my thoughts from 20 minutes recorded. that is pretty cool. shoul;d I read over it? | low | low | high | high | low |
Why must it be so hard? Why must I live like this? Would it not be better if I simply throw away my life? It would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to worry all the time about people's criticism. I wouldn't have to worry about making mistakes. But then, I'm human am I not? Aren't we social creatures? If I seperate myself from others, would I not cause myself harm? Would I not also cause others pain? A life lost is a gift lost. It is so difficult for me to live like this. Always in pain. But sometimes I gain a sense of glory when I live through the sufferings. It's as though these sufferings are meant to makme stronger. Like steel being tempered in a hot flame. Yet, there's still more pain to come. Will I survive? surely there will be a point when I will not get stronger and break. But then how will I know where my limit is? whether I live a mediocre life or on to te fullest, I will die. However, it seems as though the latr fashion of life is better. Therefore, with spirit, I will strive to live out that lifestyle. I try each moring, to fight the tempatations and do what is expected of me. If I live this way and think that it is the best way. Should I not persuade others to do the same? Why not? It seems that if everyone lived their life more fully, mankind will be more efficient and fruitful. We will prosperous as whole. But if I were to tell this opinion to others, someone will tell me that I should respect their opinion that they can do what ever they wish. But if it is right to repect all the opinions of all people. Would there not still be a conflict which contradicts that opinion that says that we all must respect the opinion of all? For example, what if someone else's opinion is that people should not accept all opinions as truth. Would not the opinion of the person saying that we should respect all opinion be contrary to that opinion? This brings about a lot of contradictions. Hence, notall opinions are to be respected. | low | high | high | low | high |
I'm not sure since I've just started College and haven't had any tests yet. I need to be working it my girlfriend has started to grab me and choke me but now I'm getting hungry but wait she started licking my ear and stroking my stomach but is it going to rain today and will I ever get some sleep. Not if I have to keep typing this damn assignment. But who needs sleep anyway I wondering if I have any beers left in the refrigerator and if the born on date is really when the beer was born. Two really nasty people just walked by outside the make me say to myself damn those people are nasty but who am I to judge people for being nasty. My girlfriend just said that I'm nasty but who cares she still kisses me. I need to be working so I can make money to pay for this damn class that is taking up all my time and keeping me from getting any sleep so that I have to worry about being tired at my job and then losing my job and not being able to pay for this damn class which I'll probably make a bad grade in anyway because I don't have enough time to study since I have to work to. Oh I'm wondering if they are going to open the UT Tower again and if some people will find out just how tall the tower is. I don't think it should be opened because if people are stupid enough to jump off the tower, they would have went somewhere else and jumped off something else. It has been a very gloomy weekend that was once again to short. But live moves on sometimes a very slow pace and sometimes at a more rapid pace. My significant other is wondering what I'm typing right now, so I am going to type faster so that she can't read everything that I just typed about 15 minutes ago. Anyway, I'm tired of typing and a fat whale just walked by outside, so I have to go chase her so that I can return her safely to the ocean. Alright then bye know because I've been typing for twenty minutes and I need to go smoke a cigarette. | low | high | low | low | high |
I am going home for the weekend, and I'm wondering what it will be like after being gone for two weeks. I miss home, my friends, my family, everything about corpus christi. I mean, I'm not sad or anything, but I really cannot wait to get there. I'm thinking of how the bus ride will be on the way home, how it is kind of inefficient to take greyhound because of the schedules and long time that it takes to make a relatively short trip. basically, my mind is not thinking about one specific thing. rather, many thoughts are coming to me during the days here at UT. memories of high school, things I did, things I said, just normal context between me and my friends. after not making longhorn band, I often find myself reflecting on band in high school, the band that we all seemed to always be complaining about, but the band that now seems so great to be a part of. I think about being in it, taking solos in jazz band, and that seems to be where I want to be right now, most of the days, that's where I'd like to be. I think about the solos I took on various songs, the ideas I came up with, and the ones I'm coming up with now; I wish I could be in it to play them, I whistle and hum the different rhythms that I would play, my friend and I try to remember all of the songs that we played last year, and the various experiences that came along with performing. I also am thinking about my family and friends, how I miss them, and how I'm going to them this weekend. I think of how I want to be in corpus, and how to make the weekend last as long as possible. I'm trying to think of what to do there, and whether or not I will get to go to laredo to see the football game for my high school. hopefully so. besides that, I think about my sister in Houston, how she's coming to austin this weekend, and how I'm going to corpus this weekend. but I know that we'll see each other soon. I think about my room at home. the food I'm used to eating in corpus, how I really want to eat there because I'm tired of this dorm food. I try to remember as much about home as I can, but there always seems to be more that I think of later. so much complexity about home; however, when I was there before moving up here, sometimes things seemed to boring, but not now. corpus seems like home, because it is. I just can't wait to be there, and I can't wait to go again, hopefully in two weeks. I also think about my classes here, how I'm wondering how I'm going to do in them, if I'm studying enough or writing down the right things in my notes. I hope that I will do good on my first tests, and I hope that the semester is not too hard as long as I study and keep up with everything. I think of my classes at high school, whether I was that smart or not, I wonder if I'm smart enough to be an engineer, I hope that I do not feel inadequate about myself or start feeling like I'm stupid or something. I think all of these thoughts right now, and like I said, they pop in and out of my mind, with no constant or predictable duration or timing. it almost seems like I'm thinking about everything at the same time, and I guess, various specific thoughts become highlighted or standout every now and then, but while I think about everything I can concentrate on one thing while also thinking about everything else too. other than that, my thoughts are pretty much summed up in this paragraph. | low | high | low | high | low |
I want to get good grades in all my classes. My goals is to get between a 3. 5 and a 4. 0. which is really going to be hard between fraternity and classes. I really like this college and have seemed to have adjusted well. I like my roommate. He cracks me up. his little insights on lfe entertain me. tomorrow I am going to work out. I need to run. this will keep me healthy and make me feel good about myself. I have to ask a date to My fraternity function for Friday night. the girl I want to ask isn't home but hopefully will be there later. I think that she is cute, and that she might like me. I am worried about classes. I haven't been able to review all my notes. there is just too much to do in this damn town. I heard about my ex-girlfriend today. I hope I never see her again. she amde my senior year so hard. I was so upset over her. I never understood how one person can have such an effect on another person. She might come in for AC, a sammy party. I hope that she doesn't come near me, because if I'm drunk I'll probally tell her to go to hell. I mean, after all she broke my heart. I was the one who felt like shit all the time. I hope she chokes on her own food. But I don't want her to die. Professor said today that love and hate are mixed together. he is so right. I hate stacy so much, but sometimes I just love too much. I wish I could sever all ties with her--oh well shit happens. She just makes me so angry, but my anger is a sign that I haven't gottne rid of my ties to her. this assignment take a long time. I'm really tired because I have been up since 5:15 in the morning. I had to go get football tickets-yea! I'm going to the 1st game on saturday, that will be a blast. The crowd will probally be nuts. I can't wait. This university is so cool, I just wish that there were no street people on the drag. They just sit around and smoke and ask you for change. These kids need to either go home, I hear that they choose to live that lifestyle, or become a ward of the state. I am almost tapped out. Writing my thoughts is a very hard task. it is mentally challenging. I want to go downstairs to ask out slyvia, but I dn't know if she is home, maybe ill just call alec and see. I have one more minute. My mind is almost blank because I'm so tired. This course is quite hard and I wish you would explain the concepts better. I have to go read my book. Times up. See you in class | low | high | high | high | low |
At the dorm where I live there is a girl that is Anorexic, and we all call her Annie for short. This s probably the rudest thing that you could ever possibly do to a person in this state, but then she doesn't know that we call her this. I am also confused about guys, and why they react the way they do. My friend told me the weirdest story about her weekend today. She said that she was dancing in a club and this really big guy started pissing on her leg, and then her boyfriend hit the guy right in the sweet spot, and the bouncers kicked her boyfriend out instead of the pisser. That is so not fair and disgusting! I can not believe that someone would actually do that in the middle of a crowd of people. Anyway I really do not know what to talk about because I am really tired. I slept today for about two hours, and now I am more tired than I was before. I ate lunch at Papaduex today and I had Alligator for the first time. It was really good and it kind of tasted like chicken. Well I just talked to my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that one of the guys he used to work with died today in a high speed car accident. The funeral is on Tuesday, and he wants me to go with him because he can not cope with it by himself. I have a problem with dead people and funerals, and I swore that after my grandpa died, I would never go to another funeral. Well I really want to see a movie pretty soon, because I haven't seen one in a long time. I really need to see the Horse Whisperer, because I heard that it was a really good movie! | low | high | low | high | high |
of course I don't ever really cry--or at least not very often. I've been waiting for a really big cry since I moved here a month ago--but no tears. I left some of my best friends--though I have over a dozen friends here from my home town of College Station--but not all of them and I left my house and my birth city and my parents and two of my dogs(the third one I brought with me). though I don't really know why I am writing this to the computer as if it will respond back or much less cares at all about my personal life. I suppose that i am just suppose to ramble and write what is in my head--yes I am so tired that I am repeating the directions for this assignment out loud to myself and I am actually so bored and tired as to write them down as part of my assignment. I suppose that that bit alright. it is now 1:28 am and that means that technically I cannot write again until after mid night tomorrow or today or whatever which is too bad because that would make my life easier to be able to do it tomorrow afternoon because I only have one class but I suppose I should stop bitching at the computer. because frankly it is a computer--of course now I am worried that this should have been some philosophical expression of how I, erin, tick as a human being--but now I am way to tired to rewrite this--if it won't send properly then I promise myself to do something deeper next time--for now, however, I'm done. | low | high | low | high | high |
I have so many things going on in my life right now. Pat Wedge, the cheerleading coach, called me yesterday and invited me to come and work out with the squad. I do not know if I am ready to cheer this semester. Right now my biggest concern is my grades. I am going into am interview on Wednesday with romie, from K-Hall agency, I love to model and I hope my career will progress in Austin. Then today I called thr director over the Miss Austin paegent, she is going to mail me information to compete in the paegent in Feburary. All of this adds on to my never ending stress. I guess you can say "I do not like to put all my eggs in one basket", at least my mom tells me that. I like to try everything life has to offer, so I will fill satisfied. Besides all my extraciricular activities, I feel a little empty. Being a freshman I am having to deal with moving away from my family and starting a new life on my own. I finally knew I was grown up when I got my first phone bill! I really enjoy Austin, it has so many things to offer. My mom misses me, we were very close. On sunday I met her in Temple and we talked. My feelings are very strong, but I know how to deal with them. I have had many obsticals in my life and I had to learn from my mistakes. I think in the long run I would not change my past. It made me grow up a lot quicker. I also feel in more mature for my age than other freshman, because of my past expirences. I can not wait to see what the future holds for me. I guess you can say I get really excited about life, because there are so many directions god has allowed me to go. I will just let him guide me, and I know I will be happy and sucessful. | low | high | high | high | low |
first of all I don't have set prison like rules and regulations. the classes are a lot more laid back and I can do self paced. high school was much more busy work which was crap. I am worried however about how well I do in college. although I did well high school, college is much different. rather than burning the info into you through busy work and assignments, we have to learn on our own. everybody says that they learned more their freshman year than in all of high school. seeing as how I cram all my assignments into the night before it's due, I plan to change dramatically on how my work is done. the influence of my friends also worries me. because of the many groups of friends I don't think I'll have much time to do studying or productive work. I am hoping that by writing all of this down, I am able to recognize my weaknesses and change them before they do any great harm. since this is stream of consciousness I can't help but write about the catcher in the rye, one of my favorite books. since I'm in psychology, I hope that doesn't mean that I'm going to assassinate any powerful people. the book is great written in stream of consciousness and I feel many of holden's feelings. such as the phoniness in society. the phonies in society really piss me off! back to college, I hope that I can discipline myself and succeed in college. right now I'm listening to red hot chili peppers. I don't know what that tells about me, but I love their older songs. I can make disappear have no fear! music is my airplane, is my airplane. rrahhh! four more minutes. I don't know what to write. I have so many thoughts but they're not organized. sex of course is on my mind, and since it's the first day of class, that's on my mind. the crazies passing out the Christian leaflets is also on my mind. it really pisses me off. not that their spreading the word, because I'm catholic. what pisses me off is that they're so hypocritical. they go out preaching but then turn around and drink it up (under age) and sleep around (pre marital sex!) that disgusts me. although I do drink a little, I don't go out preaching. many of my friends are atheists and agnostic. I view many of their views such as religion's role in being a social and moral standard. after all, if there was no fear in sinning then crime would skyrocket and the moral stability of society would disappear. while that is true, not all will revert to barbaric life. while there are laws, religion adds more to the discipline in obeying the basic commandments. we've had hours and hours of discussion on religion and god. from these discussions I see that many misinterpretations of the catholic faith exist. for example, many believe that (through the narrow-mindedness of the teachers of their religion) that Catholics worship Mary when in fact we pray through her. they see that as a way of discrediting Catholicism by pointing out verses in the bible stating that "thou shall worship no other god than me" or something like that. | low | low | low | low | low |
Well my leg kind of hurts. Last night while Caitlin was out with Jonathan, I spilled my ver hot tea on my leg. It hurt like hell. When she came back I was laying on my bed with a frozen dinner meal on my leg. The burn is on my right upper thigh. It really hurt when I took a shower last night to. Today it doesn't hurt as much, but it has this really huge blister on it. I don't know if I should pop the blister, or what, so emailed my mom. She works nearby off of Windsor. I wonder if she misses me as much as miss her. ? I guess I'm quite a home body, because I live only 20 minutes. away yet I miss everything around my house. I especially miss Stephen. He's this guy I've had a crush on for like forever. When I was a sophomore at Westwood, he was a junior, and we ended up in the same physics class, anyway he was on the soccer team then and I thought he was cute. I need to pluck my eyebrows, and these desk chairs here at jester suck. I can't even sit cross legged. rruugh. This place is beginning to smell too. I don't know why, but it is like you can't shake it, its everywhere. Back to Stephen. We work together. Have for the past two summers. It's kind of funny because I don't even remember really thinking about him until the end of the summer, but this summer. we were friends from the start. I wanted more, but he never acted on it, it's just as well though considering I have a boyfriend and all. Well I don't know if I love Stephen, but I sure as hell miss him terribly. I almost cried the first day here. I missed him and everything so much. I gave him my email address, but I suppose he has better things to do than to talk to me. Maybe he doesn't have a computer!? wishful thinking. oh well, I get to see him at Thanksgiving that's only say 4-5 months away. Sucks. He isn't even that cute, and he can be such a pain in the butt too. Well, I'm going home this weekend because I have to go to the company picnic. I should leave on Friday, but, I don't know what I was going to say Andy just I'M'd me. oh yeah, I want to go home for a bit, but I don't know if I'll miss a bunch of things happening here. I'd ask what do you think, but you can't answer me. Alan. He's my boyfriend, we've been together for about eight months now. I love him I truly do, but sometimes he is not very exciting like I know him to well or something. That is probably why I am attracted to Stephen. He's new, parties has goofy friends. I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but that would be wrong plus, he probably doesn't even think of me that way then I would just be embarrassed. I don't know what to do about him, but I should seriously think of something soon , I've been saying this all summer. But really it is beginning to effect my relationship with Alan. The electricians are driving me crazy with their drills. They woke me up the first day I was here, and they've been at it ever since. I tried to take a nap today but couldn't because they are too noisy. Alan should drop by soon. I hope at least because I have a feeling I'm going to get bored in this place soon. Caitlin is laying on her bed doing her homework I think. I can't believe I'm in college. I don't feel old enough. I think I can handle it though. I don't wont to gain the freshman 15 though. Stephen did. I want to look good, great when all the people come back from college for Labor Day or Thanksgiving I guess I should go to the gym. I need to sign up for some class but need money in my bank account to do it. I also need to sign up for APO's a service frat. I hope they pick me I'd be crushed if they didn't. Especially if Caitlin got in and I didn't. She is in so many clubs and organizations. I think I should got to some things. I should probably sign up soon. | high | low | high | high | high |
What time is it. I need to be at the house at ten. My mouth feels like the sensation you get right before you throw up. They say that Gatorade is a thirst quencher but why does it make your mouth so dry. It is so quiet right now. As I stare at my roommates applied calculus book I am lost in the colors. The bright colors formed in various shapes and sizes make a maze for my wandering eyes. I wonder what I have to write for the other assignment. God, I could really use a shower. It seems like I have been sweating all day. I wonder where my roommates are and what they are doing? My roommates are slobs. I feel as if I am in a sea of clothes as I sit here on my roommates computer. I wonder if that picture of Bevo was ever really a picture that was taken by somebody or was it all just from computers. If it was a picture that was taken I wonder what that bull was thinking. he was probably thinking how ridiculous humans are. Actually, he was probably thinking where the best area in the pasture to eat grass is. I don't like this assignment very much. I feel like some druggy. Look at the colors man, and all the shapes. I don't know. It's kind of cool to put down on paper the th9ings you are thinking. | low | low | low | low | low |
In this short amount of time I changed from a kid who major worries were only about him self. I feel that I have really grow up. I believe it was all the time that I got screwed over by my so called friends. The first time was a the first of my senior year. Well I meet this guy named Kurt and he was from Indian and we shared common interest. However he was new in town and did not have a girl friend. However I was dating this one girl for about year. Well This girl was very possessive, and very wealthy. Not to forget she was beautiful. During the summer I worked as a Life guard and taught swimming lesson in the mornings at her house(made tons of money) Any her family and her left for Europe and had me house sit. No problem making money had a garage full of tool to work on my cars and basically had my own house. I had not friends because they all graduated A year earlier and Cara had been my only friend this past year. Partially because she was so possessive. Well I meet Kurt at the end of the summer and became good friends. He was going to start school with us in the fall and everything was great. Until Cara got home and said not more Kurt. She did the same thing with an early friend Kc. However I finally told her either she relaxes or we break up Decision help by Kurt. So we broke up. So I was dating again. Before Cara I had a new girl friend every two days. Kurt and I were dating these two girl Casi and Lorine. Well Lorine and Kurt started dating and the only thing between Casi and I was a Physical thing so once I stop see her. Lorine influence Kurt in stop hanging out with me. Five months down the road I have and new group of friend they a grade younger than me. They have not had as much luck with the girls as I have so I am letting them meet some of my friends from out of town were a very tight group for about two months when one of the guy in the group named Justin thinks I am having a sexual relationship with a girl he likes. Because she has hickeys on her neck. That same week I had really bad scratch marks on my back not from her. Well he think something is going on and starts a fight with me at school and I break his nose in front of the entire school assembly. Later next week Kurt girlfriend and him break up. So the next day Kurt is at my house. We hang out not stop for about three weeks. Fishing hunting cruising for girl everything, well Lorine wants to get back with Kurt so she brings out this story from way back in the past. (lorine and I were dating a long time ago) She said that I was inviting her over to my house. Well I was, to a party so she can see Kurt. But she tell I so Kurt gets mad at me and tries to fight me. At my own house during this party. Kurt is a very Muscular guy and very big!!!!. Well I talk it out after we both have black eyes and we have not been close since. Anyway I now dating this really nice sweet girl who is very intelligent and pretty. I just hope it stays as good as it is now. | low | high | low | low | low |
I used to day dream about this time when I was younger. After I saw my brother and sister leave for college, I decided that was going to be the best part of my life. Of course, it is a lot different now that I am here. There is a lot more responsibility in reality than there is in my dreams. I don't really mind it so far. I want to be able to handle it, and I am excited about my classes. I wish that I could be an expert in every subject that I take. Psychology is very interesting to me, but not enough to be my major--I wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my life. My brother has a bachelors degree in psychology from Southwest texas, but he hasn't done much with it. I am taking this class as a social science elective; my other classes are required for my major. Right now I am an undeclared major, but after a few classes in my geology of engineering course, I am pretty sure that I want to major in geosystems engineering. It seems to incorporate a large amount of subject material that I am interested in, and it would be a job that pays pretty well. If I did well enough at UT to get into grad school, I would love to follow it up with a masters or Phd in Geology. Of all the courses I have taken in high school and college, these seem to be the best ones. Some of my favorite subjects are: geology, geography, astronomy, archaeology, and history. I would love to be an astronomer in a second if it paid well enough. My reason for this is that eventually I would like to have a large spread of land in the hill country somewhere west of Austin--near a lake--with a boat. This requires $$. I love the outdoors, and I want to live away from the city, yet close enough to it that I could drive into town to do things. This is probably a common ambition among people, but I don't really care. Enough rambling about all that. My reason for being here at UT is to learn, and to get an education, and to do well. If I do all of this I will be very pleased. It will be hard though. I love to have fun, and that can easily get in the way at UT. I haven't joined a fraternity or gone out for rush yet, even though some of my friends who are in frats here keep bugging me. I want to join some organization that has fun and kicks ass at a lot of things. Hopefully that will work out. These are the things that are on my mind at the moment; at least until I move on to the next thing. | low | high | low | low | low |
I have tried on three different occasions to do my pretesting for this class and the stupid computer tells me to try again later. why should I try again later. I'm already going out of my way to come down here in the first place. my dad hasnt brought up my computer from home yet so I have to come down here when I need to get online to check my email or whatever I have to do for class. it seems that everything is done by computers these days. take this class for instance, I am handing in my writing assignment via some electronic force. I'm not actually handing in paper anymore. its all done so technically and confusingly. have I mentioned I absolutely hate computers? its not that I don't think theyre useful, its just that I'm not exactly copmuter friendly. well actually, I'm willing to be its friend, I just don't think it likes me too much. at home the only thing I knew how to do was check my email and write people back. oh yea, I also knew how to get to microsoft word and to solitaire, but that's about it. here there are so many options on what I can do, but don't they understand that by giving me all these options, theyre really doing me harm instead of being helpful. whoever made up computers must be very smart. sometimes I think about the things (technologies) that we live with and do in our every day lives, and it just boggles my mind. how in the world did that guy--I forget his name--- come up with a device called the telephone. I mean to even dream up of it and then to actually make it work. sound travelling through wires--- this is a crazy world. if the world had been populated with people with about as much intelligence as me, I know for a fact that we would be the most uncivilized dummy-heads roaming the earth. sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if there were none of these technologies. I don't think technologies is neccesarily such a bad, currupting thing. I mean, it is peolple who are inventing it. it doesn't come about on its own. like you know how some people think tv is so terrible, or those religions who don't allow light bulbs or radios in their homes because its like the devils advocate or whatever-- I don't see how some people believe the things that they do. I mean, wake up and think for yourself. who am I to talk, I'm not all perfect in the catagory of thinking for myself, but I probaly have a better sense of things than a lot of other people--or maybe not. life is confusing. that's probably why I'm taking comparitive value, contemporary moral problems, and psychology. can't wait to get to know myself better. | low | low | high | low | high |
I've always wondered how the mind works. What are people really thinking when they say one thing. Why do they say one thing and mean another? People can be so confusing. I wonder what college life will be like, and if there will be people there who will act like that and just say one thing to me while meaning another. It's all so overwhelming right now. Computers have never been my strong point, and all of a sudden, everyone wants everything done on a computer. It's strange and somewhat exciting. I like living out on my own, without my parents watching over everything I do, but I am beginning to get a little homesick. I miss being able to see the stars at night and to feel the breeze on my face as it blows my hair back off of my neck. I went to a star party last night, and the stars were barely visible. I wanted so much to be able to see them, but I couldn't. I felt like I could cry at that moment. I didn't though, because then my friend would laugh at me. He doesn't think I'll make it here on my own. I guess I am somewhat of a Daddy's girl, but I can be alone. I enjoy being able to hear myself sometimes. I have to be alone to write poetry and to think about who I am. I wonder when I'll figure myself out. I want to be somebody important someday. I want to make other people feel welcome and to make myself feel good about helping others. I guess in a way, whenever I try to make others feel good about themselves, I'm doing it with the underlying purpose of making myself feel good. I suppose that's okay, but it seems to defeat the purpose of helping others when all I'm really accomplishing is helping myself. I think life has so many hidden points that no one will ever find all of them. I wish I could search the world over until I could find all the secrets of the history of people's actions, but that will never happen. People are so secretive that so much history is lost. There are some people that claim that it can be found, but there's got to be more exciting history out there. What would the world be like if everything interesting was discovered. Then there would be nothing to wonder about. Things would be dull for the future. I wonder if somebody across the world is taking this exact same course and writing this exact assignment right now as I'm doing. That would be the coolest thing ever. I wish on stars every night and feel that life is to be cherished. I wonder if there is another woman out there with my exact feelings and thoughts, that looks exactly like me, only another color maybe or size. So many questions I ask myself will never be answered, but what if someone is watching me right now across this computer lab and wondering how I feel and what I'm thinking at this very moment. If only I knew, maybe I could meet up with this person and tell him/her my thoughts. I would love to share with someone I don't know. I'm afraid of rejection though. There are so many people on this campus, and hardly anyone has talked to me yet. Somehow I feel inferior to some of them. I don't know why. Everyone is equal, but some people seem so rude. I try to talk to people in my class, because that is how you make friends. So far, I have only made one friend that way. She's really nice. Her name is Christen. I met her in my German class, and we get along really well. We haven't done anything outside of class, but maybe if we keep talking to each other, we'll become closer and maybe she'll even go home with me to visit my parents. I don't understand the need for human contact. We would be so much better off if we didn't get caught up in emotions and feelings. But then again, we wouldn't be human if that didn't happen. I know I could be more efficient if I didn't need anyone else in the world, but as it is, I have faults. That's okay, though. Everyone has faults. It's just part of being human. I hope the world is full of exciting adventures for me. As I come to a close on my writing, I feel purged of all my frustrations. I had a good cry this afternoon. I miss my boyfriend so much, but I know I'll see him again soon, and that makes me very happy. I hope I can become even happier with where I am now. Hopefully, I'll be able to find me. | high | low | high | high | high |
Why do we even have computers if they are so slow and crappy and can't hold more than "X" number of people at a time. time. And why can't I put Chip Smart out of business. They sold us a computer that doesn't work worth a crap. We had to replace the sound card and the modem. modem. I am pretty ticked off right at the moment. I don't feel like writing this assignment. I had to buy First Aid 98 to get the new modem to work. It just started working after a long and horrid battle so I am not in the mood for battling for a space on the computer to finish this assignment. Why does this class have to be so complicated in lecture and textbook reading. I don't care about every method in psychology just give me a briefing. I hope you really aren't reading this, because I am in entirely too grumpy of a mood to write anything that makes sense. I can think of nothing else but the immense dislike I have for my computer. I should name it Lucifer. Let me tell you a little about myself. I just got married Aug. 8. Therefore I am thinking about my husband, especially because he just walked in the door of our apartment at Bridge Hollow here in Austin. I miss my father. His birthday was 9-7 and I forgot!!!!!!! I felt like crying all day. I miss my mother too. Her birthday is coming up in February. (2-5-51) I truly don't know my father's age. He is older than my mom I know. They divorced when I was 5. After that I guess I lost count. I was adopted here in Austin at Marywood. I was extremely lucky, because I got the best 2 parents in the whole world! I truly mean that. I love them. I also miss my brother. He is in the Waco Youth Center right now doing much better. He wants to start working on his career now. He had a hard time with a lot of things, but he sure is strong. He is 3 years younger than me and is learning disabled. He had a hard time in highschool, but let me tell you that when it comes to technical and architectural knowledge, talent and ability, he is awesome. This center will help him get a job at what he is good at and that he will enjoy. Well, as you can probably tell I love my family. More importantly I love God because He sent His son Jesus to die for my sins and because I accept Him, believe in Him, and in return I have given Him my life to use me for His glory. Time is up. | high | high | high | high | high |
first, it took me a long time to get through the Austin traffic. then, when I got home, and called jenny, she wasn't ready to come over. she came over anyway even though she hadn't shaved her legs. that was kind of bad. next, I still had to deal with the fact that she had messed around with Justin, one of my supposedly good friends. all they did was kiss, but it still really hurt me. she had told me that it would never happen again after she and Kevin messed around, but she lied. I can't believe that she did that. then I told her about the fact that I had sex with heather back during the summer, so she wasn't really happy about that, but that's understandable. I still love her, but she has really putting me to the test this weekend. hen, later on Friday night, she told me that she had liked Justin, so what happened wasn't as much of an accident as I had first thought it was. come to find out, she had gotten drunk at her apartment and then called Justin to come over. that's when the kiss happened. that really hurts me. so she told me that, but she still wanted to have sex with me. I agreed, I don't know why, but I did. and then, in the middle of it, she started crying, that really hurt me. then after that, she told me that she didn't even want me to come with her to college station with her. that tore me apart. I didn't know how to handle it, so I freaked, I just started yelling at her. I don't know why, I should have been more calm , but I just couldn't do it. I tried to calm myself down, but nothing worked. I still can't believe how mean I was. and then, on Saturday morning, I called her, because I thought she was going to leave without calling me like she said she would. and then, she told me that she had changed her mind, and now she didn't want me to go again. then I freaked again. I started yelling at her. I was really hurt, like id never been hurt before. I couldn't believe that anybody could hurt me this bad, but she could do it. s I called Justin, and got a ride with him to college station. it took me an hour and a half to eat my McDonalds lunch. I had lost my appetite. I was miserable. Kenny could see that. I got to a&m, but I had no desire to party, all I wanted to do was talk to jenny so that I could apologize to her for what I said. I ate like half my dinner. it was good but I just didn't want to eat. so, we went to the party, and I was miserable, people were drinking and all I wanted to do was talk to jenny. finally, Kenny gave me the number to Amy's cell phone. so I called it, and Amy wouldn't let me talk to jenny. then Kristen answered and she wouldn't let me talk to her, and then James, her brother wouldn't let me talk to her. I was really hurt. so I got her brothers number from Justin. she had given it to him. that really hurt me, that she gave her cell phone number to Kenny, and her brother's number to Justin. that devastated me. I just wanted to cry. it just wasn't fair. then Justin called her, and convinced her to come to the party. he handed me the phone, but she really wouldn't say anything to me. I was crushed again. the one thing that I loved more than anything in this life, including myself wouldn't even talk to me. I have never felt so bad. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but I couldn't do that, I had to stay semihappy for the party. it was all an act, I was not happy at all. finally, at 1230 she came over. she wouldn't even acknowledge me. her roommates hate me now, and they weren't afraid to let me know. fuck Amy, I hate that bitch. I have never liked her. I just want to beat her fucking head in. she is a stupid dirty whore. I don't care if she hates me, I hate her. I feel bad that cristin hates me. I like her. I really regret saying anything bad about her. then breiane came out and tried to start a fight with jenny. she claimed to be my friend. fuck her. she s a bitch. she acts like a stupid tease. she a dumb tease, she never gives anybody anything. she just likes to pretend like she's a whore. I don't really like her anymore, but it still hurts me that she doesn't want to have a friendship with me. and then, on the way home I got a speeding ticket. oh after I talked to jenny, I got a half-as hug, and then she hugged Justin and didn't want to let go. then she didn't even say good-bye to me. I was hurt again. back to the speeding ticket, it was for 70 in a 30. I'm going to be fucked if my dad finds out. she didn't call me on Sunday like she said she would. that really hurt. I wanted to call her so bad, but I couldn't, I wanted to so bad, not even funny. on Monday, I talked to her for two hours, it was great, we made out. I liked it so much. she didn't call me last night. she called me this morning at 7. it woke me up. I love her, but she hasn't called me tonight yet. I really want to talk to her, so I hope that she calls me tonight. I stayed up to 3 waiting for her last night, then I fell asleep. tonight, I wont make that same choice. I'm going to go to bed early tonight. | low | high | high | low | low |
It started out kind of good because school hadn't started. All I had to worry about was relaxing, working out, and enjoying life. Now, another variable, school, has been injected into the equation. I realize that it is a necessary evil because without it, I can never advance in life. Hopefully, one day I can work only when I want to work. Until then I will try to make the best of my life and enjoy every day like it was my last. You know, I should start my mission statement right now. I have also been wanting to put together a compilation of my own philosophies so that I would have a road map to live my life. I wish it were that easy. Anyway, here I am revealing how my mind works. It is kind of like a release to me. I should do this more often. Recently, I have been thinking a great deal about my own shortcomings. These include my limited ability to speak, my limited athletic ability, and my the fact that I am not as charming and smooth as I want to be. Part of me wants to admit these shortcomings and accept it. The other part of me says I should always keep a positive outlook and refuse to accept these traits. I am at a point in my life where I don't know if I can ever fully improve this. As much as I would like to, it seems that I have hit a plateau and maximized my potential. But I guess I have to keep hope. Moving on to other subjects, I wonder if I will ever find a woman to spend the rest of my life with. Relationships require so much work, more than I may be willing to put in. This bothers me because I don't want to be 60 years old and lonely. Sometimes I realize that having faults, emotions and feelings is part of the price I have to pay for being a human. | high | low | low | low | high |
I am almost five hundred miles from home, and I don't know anyone here. I'm not sure that what I feel is loneliness because I'm constantly surrounded by people here at the dorm, but I just don't feel at home here yet. People here are very nice, and I know everyone else is in the same position as I am in, but I really feel that this place isn't for me. I really want to go home so I can be around the people I grew up with and feel at home with. I have many regrets about coming here away from all my friends and family, but then again, I realize that UT is a great school, and my educational background will be greatly benefited. I suppose it's worth the sacrifices in the long scheme of things. Maybe it is better for me to be here away from everyone else, as it should help me become much more independent and learn how to function alone. I've already learned a lot in the week since I've been here, and I feel that I've grown up a lot. I've had to do everything for myself, and force myself to go out and meet new people. My trust issue has become worse here, however, because I used to trust almost everyone, and now, I'm not sure who to trust and who not to trust. I know that if I can just stick it out for a while that I'll grow to love this place because I love learning and new experiences, and I'm definitely going to get both of those things here at UT. I can always transfer back home next semester if I don't adjust here well. I love the people here because they all seem so friendly. I do feel that I'll eventually make many new friends and this place will seem like home. I cannot sleep or eat here yet. I think it's just the adjustment phase. I have nightmares when I try to sleep, so I've grown accustomed to very few hours of sleep each week. I have no appetite, and every time I try to eat, I get this very sick feeling. I'm seriously hoping both of these feelings will go away soon. Maybe that is just due to being homesick and not being in a place where I feel comfortable yet. I want to go home for the long weekend, but I think that will make it much harder when I come back. I don't think I'll want to leave my home again to return here. Maybe it's just the people I left behind that I miss, but I think mostly it's always knowing someone everywhere I go there that makes me feel comfortable back in my hometown. On top of these things, my ex-boyfriend calls often here, and that makes it very difficult. We're still best friends and tell each other everything. The only reason we're not together now is because of our different college choices, and talking to him makes me want to return home even more. We do plan to get back together as soon as we graduate, but that's a long time from now, and not seeing him often is going to be very hard for me. I've known him for 13 years and relied upon him for everything. I went out with someone else this past weekend, and I felt very bad for it. Even though we're not together, I know that he's the one I want, and I wonder if it's wrong to even date other people if I know I still love him and always will. It's made me feel bad when I talk to him, and I even told him about it. He says it will all be ok, but I just don't know. I'm so confused. There isn't a simple answer to anything I try to do here, and everything I do seems to have some kind of drawback to it. Maybe if I sink myself into my studies, I will not forget, but maybe set aside the hurt that I feel right now. I think I should give that a try, and maybe start a rigorous exercise program so that I will be more tired at night, which might make me get some more rest and increase my appetite a little bit. Maybe I should try to get out of this building. It seems very cold and uninviting, and I think another place might be better for me. Well, I know that with my faith in God that everything will work out for the best if I just put my complete effort into it. It's all for the best! | low | high | low | high | high |
I've spent my second day at the university of Texas and I'm trying not to hate it. I feel lonely and depressed. I miss Wesley, I miss knowing everyone in my classes and what's going on with the school. when I first went to Wesley I hated how your professorss were so involved in your life, but now I know what the other extreme feels like, I really miss it. I kept looking for a familiar face, or even a friendly on, when I was on campus today. everyone looks different that the people in Boston. actually they all look the same as each other just different form the kind of people I know. I feel alienated and unsure - of myself, of the situation, of what to expect. I can't just look at someone and judge who they are and if I'll like them, because I don't see anyone who fits my idea of what "friend" should look like. no one looks like me. it was so good to have lunch with Kate yesterday because I didn't feel so alone and different. she looks like people should- I say that joking of course, but I guess I feel like I can understand her motivations, where she's coming form - I mean I know who she is and it's what I expect. I'm so glad she came here too - I don't know what I would do if I were totally alone down here. I think it's really a different experience for me because I've never not had friends, or had any trouble meeting people, but here I don't even know how to start. there are a million people in most of my classes, and the small ones are upper division, so people already seem to have friends. I didn't expect to miss Wesley so much. I thought it w0ulds be kind of fun to be anonymous, and that there would be a lot more funky people. nearly everyone I've seen is the sorority/frat type and I hate it! I never thought Wesley was that diverse or funky, but I guess I've realized what I had all along. maybe I'm just remembering things with a rosy glow, or something. I mean I know there are plenty of Wendy Wesley oh-so-perfect women at Wesley who drive me up the wall, but I know how to deal with them. and most of them have at least an open mind, or something interesting that got them to the place where they are now. what else to say? I just had an argument with my mom and I feel really guilty, I haven't seen her a lot lately and I was really looking forward to seeing her today, but as soon as she started in on about how I should rrahhhh - I hate that. I told her that I was going to use the computer for some web stuff and now she tells me I can't do it, right when I'm in the middle of an assignment. I'm totally annoyed. this just completes my feelings of displacement and loneliness. I'm at acc where I worked this summer and I came here because 1-I have no idea where the computer lab on campus is, and 2- I thought it would be nice to see everyone and feel like I still mattered to someone. now I just feel like hell. I think I want to cry, but I always feel so crappy when I do that - since I usually do it for some really stupid reason, like I feel like a jerk or something. god, I just feel like telling everyone to shove it today! what a way to start the semester! ok, I'm trying to think of something a little more cheerful and stop whining. I'm excited about going to the swing dance tonight, but I hope I can. I really want Eric to go, but I'm not sure if I want to want him to go. I hardly know him and he has lots of not-so-great traits. plus, I'm sick of getting hurt. I think I might just like him because he's there and I'm feeling so lonely right now. I don't know if it's right to be with someone just to be with someone. if it's not that serious, would it be that big of a deal? I'm not sure. I keep going over this in my head - why can't I find the right one? not the one to marry or anything as serious as that, but one that I really like/ one that fits all the qualifications I want who can entertain and teach me, who's nice and funny and interesting. rrahhh- this is ridiculous. I'm feeling really stress about the time now that she came over, I can't fully concentrate on what I'm thinking about. it's amazing how your mind rambles in loops or something - one thought brings on another and another until you're thinking about something totally different than what started the ramble, and you can't really remember how you got there. | high | high | low | high | high |
In the past I have always had a set of instructions to follow. On well, here goes. I guess that right now I was back, at the beginning of summer, sitting in my room in El Paso, Texas. This summer was really good. I got to go home and talk with my friends. In addition, I was able to do work and get my history requirement fulfilled. Everyone wants me to go out and get a job. That's okay with me, but I don't really know how to go about getting a good job. You see, I feel that with almost 60 hrs of credit, I should be able to get a decent job. One guy I know is making over 50,000, and he isn't even out of college. I guess it's just easier for some people and not for others. I promised everyone that I would get an internship with a company next summer. That's kind of cool, but it is going to be a completely new experience. I guess I could call up some of my friends who have parents in business and ask them to see if I could get a job with them, but that just wouldn't be good. I want to be able to say, "here is what I did, and I did it all by myself. " I know that it's natural to want to get out from under your parent's wing, but it just seems to me that it takes forever. I have been blessed, though. I have done well in school, and fortunately I have a comfortable place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Sometimes it bothers me that I am more preoccupied with which movie I am going to go see this weekend than with more substantive subjects. There are people in this earth who can't even find enough to eat. wow, this is really getting deep. I don't want this to become a "dear Abby" kind of assignment, so I guess the best thing to do is to change the subject. I am mildly interested in why this assignment was assigned. I have a certain hesitation when I deal with psychologists and people who are interested in psychology because I always feel like everything I do or say is being evaluated, and that bothers me. Well, I can hear my neighbors (they just turned up their stereo system. )Back to the subject at hand. I am not nearly so stressed this semester like I was last year. I guess that's pretty cool because I am adjusting to the whole college thing pretty well. At least now I know what is going on with this school, this city, and everything else in my life. I by no means have everything figured out, but at least I am not as clueless as I was last year. It is interesting to look around and see the freshman, with the look of panic in their eyes and realize that I was in the exact same predicament a year ago. Since the brother of a friend of mine just moved to Austin and started attending graduate school in engineering, I feel a certain obligation to help him. It is awful to be in the exact same situation without anyone to help. Anyway, the guy is really cool, and I think that a really good friendship will develop. Friendship is something that there is never enough of. Money can't buy good friends, and even though people will try to replace friends with artificial benefits, it just never works. I used to know a man who had loads of money. This guy was really wealthy, but he was never happy. However, if you ever asked him how he was doing, he would never admit that he was unhappy. I guess that is really sad. To be miserable is one thing, but to be miserable and not really know it is something completely different. I think that it is possible to elevate your situation if you are miserable, but I also believe that it constitutes knowing that you are miserable. Rrahhh, my neighbors just turned down their stereo system. Thank God for the little things! I don't really understand why people are always claiming they are depressed. I've been through periods when I feel down, but all I ever do is call my friends, turn on the television to a program I like, go work out, or a host of other things to elevate that situation. I don't believe that 10% of Americans need to be on Prozac, or some other drug which makes you feel better. Oh, well. I guess the only thing that I can do is change my own destiny. Even though it scares me, it is kind of cool. I see so many people who are in a rut, and it makes me feel like their lives are hopeless. I know that changing is hard. I don't really like to change. However, it always seems that when I do, it is for the better. Of course, there are those times when you change, and it proves to be a change for the worse. That only goes to reinforce your opinion that changing is wrong and you shouldn't do it. I believe that a person should experience all the things life has to offer at least once. That way they can say that they've done it. In addition, they'll know what it is. You know, I always feel awkward when I am in a conversation that turns stale. (I. e. the kind of conversation where no one really knows what to say. ) That really is bad. It seems like I have been in too many of those type of situations. I don't really know what the future has in store for me, but I am both excited and apprehensive. It is easy to look back on my past and think that those days were the glory days when everything was easy. Unfortunately, those days proved to be no different than today. Is that the way it always is? Your memory improves memories as time goes on? If so, I can understand how the past was so alluring and appealing to many people. I know a couple people who only want to reminisce about how good the past was and how awful the present is. That's pretty sad. I think that they need to start living today for what it is worth. That's what I try to do. I guess my 20 minutes are up. This was kind of an interesting experiment, but I am not entirely sure what the results are. I don't really know myself, and I don't know if it is possible to know yourself. There are so many different facets and sides to me that it would drive a person crazy to try to document them. I can't even do it. | low | high | low | low | high |
I know there's nothing "wrong" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a "typical" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last? I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. | low | low | low | low | high |
right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. | high | low | low | low | high |
Very rarely do I just sit down in front of a blank screen and start writing without having any idea where my words are going. At this point, I'm really wishing that I could get some peace and quiet. I've always lived in an extremely quiet house and I guess I took the peacefulness for granted. However, despite the occasional clash between my study and the party in my room, I have no complaints about the present state of my life. I'm heading home this weekend, and while I've only been in Austin for about two weeks, I feel like this is home now. My house is just like some place I visit on occasion. I can't decide whether its a good thing that this change in my life doesn't bother me or whether its a bad thing. Either way. what are you going to do. I am just completely blanking on what to write about. Anything that is running through my mind would take too long to explain and I don't usually tell stories about myself anyway. For an arbitrary subject, I guess I'll write about my best friend. She goes to A&M and I will be seeing her in about a week for her sister's wedding. It seems strange to be her without her. We talked everyday in highschool. Four years. that's a long time. However, I don't feel like our relationship has suffered at all because of the distance. I always believed that once you got to see what is inside the center the someone, what makes them tick, what makes them unique, then the relationship never ends. Because, what is inside someone never changes. All of the stuff we put on for show, that changes, but not what's inside people. I am looking forward to the wedding though, because it feels like I haven't seen her in a long time. O. K. Second arbitrary topic. Dating. I am really looking forward to dating in college. I mean there are about 25000 new girls wandering around here, and at least some of them are bound to be interesting. However, it is a bit strange to think about dating because its only about month since I broke up with my last highschool girlfriend. Damn, it is so hot in this room. Well, my ex-girlfriend. that subject is going no where. I guess I have a tough time talking about the past. I always figured that everyone distorts there versions of the past. Memories are either viewed through rose-colored glasses or blinders. I'd rather think about what I'm doing right now. Memories are nice on occasion, but as with anything else, you can over-indulge in them. What's really foremost in my mind right now is making good grades and not losing my social life or mind in the process. I really don't think that will be too difficult though. When you study something you enjoy, then its not really work. Instead of draining your energy, it gives you more energy. New things to learn, new things to strive for. I love it. I really have no clue how long I've been writing, but I assume I'm pretty close to 20 minutes. Mental note to self: pick up new Pat Green CD for dad tomorrow and call Angela. Well, this is my stream of consciousness. Its not a deep stream but damn it its mine. To end I will remind myself of some sayings a very wise man said once: Never play poker with a man named Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never date a woman with a tattoo of a dagger anywhere on her body. Never try to teach a pig to sing. it stresses you out and annoys the pig, and finally, the ultimate truth in the universe: frogs have and always will whomp their asses every time they jump. Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Be sure to tip your waitress. Good Night! | high | high | low | low | low |
It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying "sensitivity" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can "hear" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the "audience" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) | high | low | high | high | high |
In high school I felt smart. Now I just am a face lost in the crowd. There are so many peole-so unfamiliar. What will I do? All my friends went to different colleges. The only new people I know are my roomates-and they all have friends from high school to hang with. I feel like an outcast, like an ugly, fat, freshman, high schoolish girl. Even in my pledge class, all the other girls know each other from camp or home or watever. I have made friends though. I feel like my story is a depressing one, but I really am a happy person and I am enjoying college-being away from home. I thought that coming to college I would somehow escape the whole social thing. Obviously there is no escaping society. I was a Debutante, Neches River Festival Grand Lady-in-waiting, Senior Class Vice-President, and so much more. I was shown in the "higher" society. I hated it some, I liked it some. I guess I mainly liked the in control feeling and the attention. I went to public school, not private like most all of the people who came here from Beaumont, so I really am not friends with mopst of the people I know. The girls I know-from home and in my pledge class-all live in Hardin House. I live in Towers. There again, I feel like an outcast. I feel that somehow these girls look down on me. It seems like all the girls from Hardin house are all so close-and I am not allowed to be a part of their "group. " Sometimes I just want to go home and be with my friends-where I felt I belong. I am excited to be in college, but-now I'm crying-but anyway, I just feel too young. But going home would show a weakness-I can't go home-I can't show that I want to or have an interest. I have always been the strong hard-headed type that doesn't show emotions. I was sick of being at home-I like it here, but it's hard-school that is. I want to do good in school and show my parents and grandparents-that I am a worthy person and I can survive-on my own. I really am happy, but I guess it is just cold feet. It is just going to take some time to adjust and become a sociable person, again. I know I can do it-make my grades and everything-even if it means giving up a party, or two or ten. I will make it and I will succeed. I am forever changing and growing up, but I need to find who I am -as an individual and on my own rather than hide behind the shadow of my comfort zone. | low | high | low | high | high |
I 'm doing this because for the first time all night my modem got out og dobve without the number being busy. I spent the whole night doing homework as well as most of the day. I'm really hungry right now which sucks because no pllace is open right now. I'm really happy I got bakc with my girlfriend last night. I went thrugh what I'd call semi depression during our breakup. I lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks and would eat maybe one snack cake per day. I was really forlorn. I cut all my facial hair, which took me 2 weeks to grow. I got a short note from her last week saying she wanted to get bcak to gether. I called her talked and on Sunday night we went to Creed. / It was one of the best concerts I've seen I n a long time. I think I might buy that CD. Jeesze I'm starving. I wish I could get a bite to eat. I have to be up a 7:10 tomorrow f or class, That really sucks that I havce to gfet up every morning at 7 while my roommate sleeps till noon. Its not faiR! I think I'jll call Leah ukp tomorrow. I haven't talked to her since Sunday. I miss her. It's pretyy cold in my room right now. Last night it was freeszing. My roommate brought over his friend and wastched Pollitically INcorrect while I was trying to study how rude. She was disgustingly overweight. She desperatley needs to go on a diet. I saw this really fat guy at the concert last night. Weighted at least 500lbs. I hope he didn't take off his shirt during the middle fo the show otherwise that'd be gross. I'm getting sick of listening to Pearl Jam and I 'm gettting really tired. Maybe I should skip my early class tomorrow. I was fine this mornign and around 5 I started becoming really drowsy. I don't understand how I can always be tired at 5-6 but then take 3 hours before I fall asleep. Well I'm going to bed. | low | high | low | low | high |
ever since the first day of school on august 26 I have felt so much fear. it has never hit me so hard as right now typing on a computer not knowing one person around me yet some of them being my classmates. my thoughts of u t are hard to explain. some days are bad some good, it just depends on the day and class. I grew up in a small town went to the same school district my whole life and graduated with 89 people in my class. my psychology class has close to300. its very overwhelming . I have made a few new friends but I still feel very alone. I live with my boyfriend off campus and its hard. I just feel very alone. my parents seem to have forgotten about me, but the already had by the time my senior year had come. my brother goes to tarleton in stephenville near ft worth. my best friend goes to Texas a m in college station. i'm taking 13hrs and my favorite class is swimming. I'm really bored and I want to go shopping after I get done with this writing assignment,. english is my last class today and it ended early at 1030. I'm really bored and only 10 minutes have gone by I'm tired of writing. I hate seeing all the little rich girls with their fancy clothes walking around campus. it pisses me off because I screwed up and moved into a apartment. early this morning I was in the lab signing in to use a mac. the computer told me to go to b5 so I did and when I got to the computer there was stuff on it but the computer screen had my number on it so I know to use it . but the bitch comes up and starts freaking out about it was her computer. people piss me off because my parents taught me respect and politeness and everyone at ut seems to thing that they need to be rude I just don't get it I'm thinking of transferring to Texas a m because I went down there to help move my best friend into her apartment and I had the best time I've ever had. we went to a bar and I drank at the bar and I'm only 18 so we had fun you could never get away with that down here in austin. its almost time for me to stop then I'm going shopping with the little money I have. I can't wait to get off campers because boyfriends name is jimmy and he is going to go to acc in the spring to get a degree in electrical technicians he already is one but he want a degree to get more money. it almost time to stop its almost time to stop its almost time to stop then go home it's labor day weekend and I'm so glad because were having a party at the lake house and taking the boat out to go skiing,. can't wait. well its time to stop so I'll | high | low | high | high | high |
of course I relize that things could be much worse. I mean this could be a real writing assingment, which would totally suck. I'm thinking about if I want to ask this guy to come to a show with me and my friend and her boy toy, but I don't knoe whether or not I will probably not. I just e-mailed my mom - I had never used e-mail before and it was quite an experience of course now I'm wondering how in the hell I'm supposed to get this little disk thingy out of the stupid computer I'm the most computer illiterate person that I know. college kind of sucks man it's not like on t. v. - it's much hotter. I freeze in my stupid room and roast outside no wonder everybody gets sick here. so anyway blah blah I have some dumb-ass roommate meeting to go to even though I just love my roommate to death and she of course reciprocates the feeling so we have no problems we're just one big happy family speaking of I miss my twin brother a lot he's in chicago at the art instite of chicago I just LOVE to tell people that because I am damn proud of him god typing sucks I've probably been going for abtou 20 minutesff saoe already opps little mistake there but its all good right>? I'm such a slow typer jesus christ this sux man I wonder what the next assignment is have a nice day man peace and love all around | high | low | low | low | high |
I know so many people already, but I don't feel as that I have made that many close friends. I spent a lot of time deciding whether or not to join a fraternity, and ultimatley decided not to, and now I wonder if this was the right idea. I tried to think of both all the positive advantages and negative disadvantages of joining a frat, and came to the conclusion that it would be too time consuming. But now I see a lot of my peers invloved with Greek organizations, and they seem to be having a lot of fun. All of my room/suitemates are in frats, so they talk about it and go to their activites all the time. I do not know if I made the right decision, but there is nothing I can do now because the pledge period has already started. I will have to make the best of my situation, but I am confident and hoping that it will work out. I have some very close friends fromm my hometown of Fort Worth who are not in fraternities, so I plan on hanging out with them a lot this semseter. To find worthwhile activites, I plan on joining some student organizations and Jewish groups. I am excited about all the people here at UT, and sometimes feel intimdated about everything that is going on (especially since at my dorm, Univeristy Towers, a majority of the residents go Greek and they are always doing something). I am an optomistic person though, and I will do anythign and everything I can to have a successful and enjoyable year in school and in Austin. I am worried about a growing threat of religious fundamentalism in the world, and not only in the United States. This month, an Islamic ultranationalist group bombed two U. S. embassies in Africa. This same group has vowed to destroy the State of Israel, which is very scary to me and for all Jewish people throughout the world. Osama Bin-Laden, leader of the terrorist group, supports and financially funds Hamas, a Palestinian terror organization and Hezbollah, a Lebanese terrorist group as well, and has the support of many Muslims in the Middle East. He is very popular, and will do whatever it takes to achieve his goal- the immeidate "Liberation of Palestine from Zionist aggression" as he calls it, or "total annihilation and massacrre of the free people in the secular, democratic, peace-loving State of Israel" as I see it. He sees Israel as a hostile nation which should be removed from the world map. As all intelligent people know, Israel is a peace seeking country that respects the rights and liberites of all its inhabitants, regardless of religion. Bin-Laden has growing support of his movement from his radical fundamentalist supporters, and they are the ones responsible for commiting these terrorist acts throughout the world. For instance, this week he was probably behind a nail bomb which expoded in Tel Aviv, injuring and killing many. Also, Pakistani radicals this week announced plans to overthrow the secular government and instill a new parliament based on Islamic religious law. In poor Middle East countries, where starvation and poverty are extremely high, people having nothing positive to look forward to, so they turn to fundamentalsim. The same movement is happening right here in the United States. Some religious fundamentalist leaders, like Pat Robertson and Ralph Reed, are calling for mandatory school prayer and the inclusion of religion into public instituition. It is their intention to make the United States a Christian nation by passing legislation in favor of the religious right, which happens to be WRONG. The founders of our country included a seperation of church and state clause into the Constitution for a purpose, and that was to keep America a secular nation. The radical right wing is trying to change this very core of our country. Learning fundamentals might be good in athletics, but preaching religious fundamenalism is a dangerous threat to all of society. I commend freedom seeking nations like the United States and Israel for doing their part to combat this worldwide problem, which if not stopped will affect everyone in a very horrific manner. | low | high | high | high | low |
I don't know what to expect. By best friend's father passed away Monday and I am really worried about the family. His mother does not work and he is in college without much financial aid. I hope he will be able to continue school, but I don't know what's going to happen. I am scared to face them, though. I can't see the family being whole without the father. They were always so close to one another and could share anything with each other. I envied that relationship because my family was broken up at an early age. When my father and mother divorced, I was only about two or three. I actually don't even know when they divorced. I really can't even picture my parents being together at all. They are so different now. I guess that is why I was envious of my friend's family. I never have had a very close relationship with any members of my family. I feel alone inside my parents house. When I went to my friend's house, though, they were always so open with each other and there was never any tension or anxiety between them. I don't see how a family like that could be torn apart, or actually why. Some people think there's a reason for everything, and some people believe that it's all a part of God's plan, but I, personally, have no idea what reason or higher purpose there could be for this man's death. Maybe there isn't any reason. Maybe humans have a natural tendency to search for reasons, causes, purpose. Are we all just misleading ourselves? Could it be that humans are merely just another species on the face of this planet? Who knows. James' father knows. He has all the answers to all the questions in life. It's funny that the questions of life are only found in death. He is dead, nevertheless, and I still can't come to that realization. Traumatic experiences just never happen to me or people I know. Until now, I guess. What the hell happened? Five minutes to go. I remember just before I left, coming back to Austin for my second year, shaking his hand, and hearing him wish me luck. How can that man be dead? Then I remember that death is a part of living; death is the price tag of life. We all have to face it sometime, and I guess it's not going to happen at our convenience. We have to prepare ourselves for anything, but how? I don't know of any way I could have prepared for this. If I would have known that he was going to die, I would have tried to stop it from happening. I would have wanted him to keep on living. Why is that? If death is so common, why do humans try so hard to prevent it, rather prolong it from happening? I can't say that it's selfishness, I wouldn't want him to live just so I could live happy. But that is a part of it. But, the answer awaits me as well. I guess I'll have to prepare myself for my death. That means I better start living my life. | high | low | low | high | high |
I mean. like I am really burning up. I got this really huge headache. I need some medicine. I wonder what is going on in UT right now? I wonder if the football team won. I think I am beginning to like it there. It's a lot better than being in Houston now. It's so humid. I enjoy the air in Austin. Well most of it. Like the smog is getting bad up there. Other than that I like it. I wonder what I can do while I am here. There is like no one here anymore. My whole life is still in UT. Hmm. I wonder who I should go back to UT with? Tai or Paul? As long as they can fit all my stuff it's all good. I hope I cam get my computer up there soon. I can finally feel I am back in contact with the rest of the world. I hope I get a really awesome computer. I can finally quit begging my roommate to use his computer. Just asking him to use is it is like a big master plan. He is so protective of his computer. But that's ok. once he sees this 'baby' that I got, it's going to be a whole different ball game! rrHahahah. Even though I had some problems with my roommate at first, now things are a little better. I can actually open the door wide open!! What a luxury!! Oh jeez I forgot to do my laundry!! I better to do before I go back to UT. I'll have stinky clothes everywhere. I got to get some CDs from my friend before I go back to. Free games and software for my computer. Ultimate hook up!. And food for when I get back to UT. That Jester food can really get to you. I swear sometimes I think they have fillers in there are something. Cause. I can usually eat like a lot. but at Jester. I can eat a hamburger and get full instantly!. But there food. I think is not too healthy. so I find myself going to Gregory gym more often now. I never used to workout in high school cause you had to pay membership just to get in. Good thing Gregory is free as long as you are a student there. I feel healthier now then when I was in high school. I played tennis for high school, but. I get more satisfaction when I can workout when I want to than. continuously playing. I get burnt out easily that way. | low | low | low | high | low |
In the summer I had a surgery on my shoulder and currently I am in therapy. The pain I am experiencing right now is pretty bad. I am an athlete and I am used to bear with pain. But all the pain I have had before was relatively voluntary. I am also very anxious to get to my normal daily training. My body is screaming for training. But my body is not a problem, my problem is my soul and mind. I really miss diving and I want to come back and kick everybody's ass. I am also anxious to start studying. I am looking forward into this semester and I like my classes. I feel very excited about school and want to get great grades this year. That's all that I think about at the moment. I am home sick and I want to go home. I can go home for Christmas but I want to go right now. I want to be with my family. I have not seen my family for over a year and I really miss them. I want to be with my friends and see them every day. They are all at home in Russia and I can not wait to see them again. Some of them had babies recently and I want to see them as well. I have known my friends for 10 years and we are very close to each other. I hope I will see them soon. | low | high | low | low | low |
I really think the professor is funny and can hold the class' attention. I am listening to a Dave Matthew's CD. I was never really a big fan of his until recently. My roommate and best friend ( she is also taking this class) loves Dave Matthews. She asked me to go to his concert with her months in advance. I had heard a few of his songs, and even though I wasn't crazy about them, I agreed to go. It was two weeks before the concert and a really good friend of ours was moving to Houston to go to graduate school. Dave M. was going to be in Houston on Friday and Austin on Saturday. So Robyn ( my roommate) decided to sell her tickets and we would help Justin move and see the concert in Houston. On our way to Houston the U-Haul had a blow out and a few other tragadies occured, forcing us to miss the concert. Robyn was devastaed. So Saturday we headed back to Austin and bought tickets to go. After several beers we were there. Somehow I got seperated from my friends. When we found each other I cried, I think it was from the alchol. Anyways, we happened to be at the right place at the right time and a guy came up to us and brought us armbands to go to the front of the stage. I pushed my was to the very front and managed to convince a bodygaurd to give me a backstage pass. At the end of the show they took me backstage, gave me flowers and then showed me to Dave. I was the only one that wasn't freaking out backstage, so he came up to me. We talked and he signed my ticket (the only thing I had on me). He left but came uback up to me five min later. I was talking to somebody and I saw soomeone come up besaide me. Then I felt a hand on my breast (the right one). It was Dave, signing my chest. I thought I would faint. His voice is so sexy. Later right before he left, he came up to me and kissed me. I love him and will marry him one day. Sorry I wasted ten min blabbing about the same story. I guess the point of the entry to to see how many ways my brain goes. I just thought of something else. I have a crush on a waiter that I work with. I'm a hostess. I haven't had a crucsh like this in a long time. I'm so mad because he didn't work today or yesterday and he won't work until Friday. I don't even know anything about him. That's probably why I like him. The last guy I dated was gay. He won't admit it but I know he is. We're not seeing each other anymore. I usually don't talk about guys this much, but for some reason they are on the brain tonight. I just set up my email account today. I'm soo excited. My parents have been bugging me to get one. I'm using a friends computer right now, but we will have the internet set up by Friday. I really hope no one reads this horrible shit. I know it doesn't make any sense and no one cares about any of it. I have to go read 19 chapters for English now. Aren't you jealous??!! | high | low | low | high | low |
In fact I always think about her whenever I have a spare moment. She is in my every thought. She is so far away from me, yet in my heart she is so close. I read some poetry tonight, Love Sonnets, and all I could think about was her. She is so beautiful. I long for the next time I can see her. It seems like only yesterday we met for the first time. I talk about her constantly to all my friends to the point, where they are either sick of hearing about her, or know her almost as well as I do. I know it's not the best thing to go through, but I am seem to be sad all the time. Not literally, or maybe literally, but it is hard to explain. I love her more then life itself, but I "hate" her for leaving me. Not really hate, but I don't know how to explain it, but more like I guess a little dislike. Nothing I can't handle, I just wish she was here with me. It doesn't seem fair. I see all of my friend's with their significant others, and they are next to each other always. Sharing all the "special" moments in their lives, but I have to wait at least a week, before I can call her. The bill is too expensive otherwise. I beg her to come back, knowing full and well, that she can't do that, but it seems to help but sometimes hurt at the same time. She is so special to me, and I can wait forever for her. Most people think that is absurd, but she is my everything. Being sad a lot I know is to a degree not healthy, but what can I do. The moment she walked down the corridor in the airport, I heart stopped smiling. Since that gloomy day in June, a part of me has been gone. Although I smile on the outside, on the inside I am sad. The day her sweet embrace takes me in, only then can I smile. That day is not too far away, and I long for it. I guess this is the best part of being sad, because I feel better thinking about the future, the only thing is that it is a type of perpetual loop. As soon as I think about the future and being with her, I get sad again thinking that I have to wait another few months. Then I think about all the times that I will be "alone" without her. As much as my friends are great, I have none really. She is my one and only TRUE friend. I have some friends, I. e. my roommate, and a several other people that genuinely care, but most of them don't. I have pretty much stopped "trying" to be there as much as I have in the past. I feel that I am only a friend in the convenience of someone else. I feel that they only come to talk to me when they need something, or when something is wrong for them. I used to try so much, but in the past month's I have stopped trying. That may not be the answer, but it is something that I have come to. I tell all my friends that if they do need me, then I will be there for them. I called to see how my friends were. I paged them telling the just a simple "hello". Calling them randomly just to check if everything was cool. And that favor was never really returned. So, now I don't care as much. I am still there if someone needs me. I could NEVER abandon a friend. I care too much about people for that. All of this leads me back to my girlfriend. She is the one person that ALWAYS cares about how I am feeling. She always knows when something is wrong or bothering me. She always wants to take care of me and love me. And for that I return the feelings back 10x over. I love her and I don't want anything ever to happen to her, so I check with her as much as I can. She is some kind of special and I can't let her go. She is too good to me. It's moments like these where I get to feel better about my situation, because I know everything will be fine in the "end", but at this moment in my life, I am not so much worried about the "end" as the now. Maybe worried isn't the best word. I just wish she was here to spend time with me. So we could eat dinner together, go see a movie together, to study together, to love together. All the couple things and all the friend things. It just seems unfair, and then there are points like now, where I miss her like crazy and I think I am going to go nuts without her. I know I can be strong and I can surpass this and the end will be that much sweeter. So with that in mind, I can end this "journal" entry on a good note and feel good about everything. | high | high | high | high | low |
I don't have to right in paragraph form or write any sentence structures or even spell right. I don't have to put any grammar or punctuation on this assignment and I can talk about anything. I don't understand what the point of this assignment is and I don't care as long as I finish it. So I guess I'll just keep typing and typing and typing. Right now, I feel an itch so I'll scratch my arm. I'm typing on my friends computer, so he can't use it for at least another seventeen minutes. I don't think understand the point of this assignment. I could do this: and nobody would care. This assignment is just to type for twenty minutes about whatever I think and I keep thinking this over and over again. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't care as long as I finish. I started at 2:28p. M so I'll stop at 2:48p. M. Man it's another fifteen minutes until I finish. I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep. I need to do my laundry, clean the bathroom, do my homework. That reminds me I have so much homework to do. I don't understand anything in calculus and I'm worried about that class. My final is fifty percent of my grade!!!! I don't understand why some teachers would do that. It's like the semester grade depends on this one test. If you were making an A in the class, before the final, you could end up failing if you really screw up on the final. What kind of class is that??? I don't know but I'm scared. I have to study hard for that final, but first I have to understand the material we're covering right now. I'm so behind. But the good thing about the final is that it's my only final and I have a week to study for it so I should do O. K. I hope I get a B in this class. I don't want to do any homework, and that reminds me that I'm behind in all of my classes!!!! I have to read so much and I don't like to read. I think I'm going crazy. I need to write this assignment do the second writing assignment, read for Theatre, do Calculus homework, read for this class, do a peer review sheet for English, and chores around the house. So much to do, so little time. Only 9 more minutes to go. Oh, and the pretest survey to see what surveys I will be used in, was messed up. I didn't start reading the top of the survey which tells you what answers to fill in until the middle. So I think the survey thinks I'm a girl, since I answered some FEMALE ONLY questions. Except I checked the male box when it asked whether I was male or female. But it kept on asking me questions that were very feminine. I hope I don't get in trouble for that. But I doubt it, since there will probably be other people who will do the exact same thing I did. There's always somebody else. I hope I don't get put into some strange category or something. What I didn't understand about the survey was that why did it ask some of the same questions over again. I think it had to do something with me answering FEMALE ONLY questions. I don't know if that's why but I answered most all of them except this one question that asked if I was more guilty about eating than most girls. I was like: "Hold up, what's going on? This survey thinks I'm a girl!" Damn, well whatever it's O. K. everybody makes mistakes and I'm not going to come down on myself because of that. My friends staring at my assignment right now and saying this is an easy assignment. Well I guess it is, it's just that my fingers are tired. I don't want to type anymore, and I have 2 more minutes left. Yippee!!!! After this I'm going to take a break and then do writing assignment number 2. After I finish that I'll take a nap and start on Calculus. Oh man, so much work to do!!! I should have started earlier instead of playing these first few weeks of school. Well my time's up. So goodbye!!! | low | low | high | high | low |
I thought I would because I've visited with my friends so many times before, but now that I'm actually here it's finally true. I'm away from my parents, it's so great. I live with three great girls in my suite and we're so popular here. I've always been a socially outgoing person, but now I feel like it's going to work. there are always large numbers of people in our living room, bringing in food or beer to contribute to our refrigerator; everyone munches from it. and it's OK. the RA told us about this girl in another room who got so upset because her roommate ate her store bought cookies without asking; she called her mom and was so upset. I'm so glad its not like that here. we all contribute and all consume. But it's not like there's always noise and party's here. only when we all decide. if one person wants to read or study or sleep, we're really considerate. I hope that lasts, I'm pretty sure it will. At our building there are many foreign exchange students which is always a plus because, come on, who minds a foreign accent every once in a while. this guy from Belgium and this one from England are always watching TV in our room, which is another amusing thing: we don't have cable, or an antenna, or a VCR, so we only get FOX Channel 7. We sit around and watch whatever's on. in one way it's good because we don't have arguments over which channel to watch. maybe simplicity is the root of compromise. We had a floor meeting the other night here and they discussed some issues that had come up. it was so funny because almost all of them referred to our room's shananagans. This one guy came here from where he lives in a house to use the laundry (he's one of our friends- our referring to my roommate and I we've been friends since 2nd grad, long time, huh? ) anyway, he dropped like half a box of laundry detergent on the stairwell and no one noticed for a week. the RA got mad and cleaned it up herself, but it was amusing because he doesn't even live here. another thing was the "stolen furniture" incident. we are given this loveseat-type couch in our suite's living room that can maybe seat 3 people if you're lucky. and in the lobby of the 3rd floor in front of the elevator there are 2 large couches that just block the pathway, no one ever sits in them, and they could probably seat 5 or 6. so when no one was around, my suitemate and I and 3 other people that happened to b in our room at the time helped us move our dinky little couch into the lobby which is down the hall and around a corner. we hauled the large couch down the way and we had to tilt it sideways and temporarily knock off some of the ceiling tiles just to make it in the doorway without banging down the door across from us. now we have a nice couch that is well used and the RA's are threatening to do a room check to find it. why? its going to more use. It's all kind of a double standard anyway. The head RA is always in our room hanging out and drinking our beer. he has a crush on me so he always brings us stuff and won't mention the couch to the others and lets us into the cafeteria at night. it's pretty funny, one night the night guard knocked on our door because someone had made a noise complaint. we opened the door and the guard stood in the threshold and the head RA stood behind the door quietly while we got reprimanded. it probably wouldn't have been in his best interests to b seen in there. He's only 20, but the building is changing management, so right now he's the head guy. its odd. I'm 18. finally. I could be in a management position at the pool I lifeguard at in the summers, next summer. it seems odd that I'm really an adult. when you're a kid u never think that you're ever going to get to the point where you decide when to come home and when to do this and what to do in this situation, type thing. its like the transition from high school to college really is that much of a change in that you're independent. it feels so good to finally b independent, financially, physically, emotionally. its wonderful responsibility. I am responsible for watching my budget, if I don't, no one will bail me out (well that's probably not true but you know). I guess I'm trying out freedom on borrowed wings, I can always have that security blanket if I want, but I don't want. I want to be independent. I am right now, I hope to stay that way | high | high | high | low | low |
The class is very interesting. The psychology class I took in high school was rather boring. I planned to be a psychologist, perhaps clinical. After taking the class, I was turned off at the idea. This class has renewed my interest and has caused me to begin thinking again (finally). At this point, I just looked at my watch and realized I have only been typing for three minutes. I am not sure what else to say. The first idea that came into my head was my car. I own a 1971 dodge charger. It is a nice car and is also quite fast. It used to belong to my father, and he gave it to me. We got it out of storage in 1993. At that point, we began to restore it, a job that still isn't fully complete. My high school experience was a strange one. I spent my first three years in Texas. For my senior year, I had to move to Oklahoma. While there, I realized that I matured mentally. I thought about the differences in society, and how people only a few hundred miles part can vary so much. I am glad to be in college now. The classes are not what I had expected them to be. To succeed, one must be very self motivated. I am finding it slightly difficult to get things done at times. Cafeteria food is another factor on my mind. First of all, most of the time I don't like the food. Next, when I am hungry, there isn't anything to eat. The cafeteria is closed for some reason. I don't know. Nothing more is coming to mind, other than the dull glow of my computer screen. My time has elapsed, so I will finish by saying that. I can't think of anything to finish with. | high | low | high | low | low |
I don't know what to write about really and I have a bunch of other things on my mind. I haven't eaten breakfast yet and I'm pretty hungry, but I fear that if I don't do this now I might never get around to doing it. the assignment doesn't seem to be that difficult, but sometimes I have trouble thinking of things to say. I'm not going to my calculus study session because I think it will mainly be review of what I have already learned in high school. my roommates friend Henry just called and somewhat interrupted my thoughts. I don't think my roommate likes Henry very much but I don't know that for sure. he always calls when my roommate isn't here which to me is a signal that they're not really in sync. when I feel most confident about my relationships with others is generally when we're in sync with each other. I think that the more time you spend with a person the more you become somehow linked to that person. I've been waiting to read a book for some time now and my friend just finished and gave it to me. I think everyone should read Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do: the absurdity of consensual crimes in our free country by peter mcwilliams. not only is it a very controversial book, but it is also humorous and very informative and educational. Peter McWilliams has AIDS, cancer, and was using marijuana for medicinal purposes under California state law, but was arrested and thrown in jail. I agree with mcwilliams 100% about consensual crime being ridiculous and I think it's wrong that he's in jail now. I got fined $15 recently for parking in lot A67 next to Jester. the parking and traffic administration expects me to park on the other side of red river, or better yet i35. I think this is stupid and am very upset with this, I plan on writing a letter of complaint to David kapalko. my parents finally came to their senses and bought me a computer for school. that is one of the main reasons I am able to do this assignment now. I didn't feel comfortable writing these kind of personal thoughts in a computer lab full of other people. my parents got a good computer for a low price and now I can work from my dorm room, so I think everyone is satisfied. I just wonder if having a computer will be another hindrance to meeting new people especially girls. not that there aren't plenty of girls that use computers, but I don't really get out enough as it is. I know it's up to me to make the effort but I almost feel trapped in a situation where I don't meet enough girls or hang around them enough. | high | low | low | low | high |
He became my good friend and we had an understanding, we connected. He left this morning. We saw him off. His mom was there so the send off wasn't so bad. The other guys are afraid to show emotion. They've got this macho, I'm afraid to feel attitude. They're smart and all but maybe not as expressive as my close friends back home. Guess that comes with time. The cheebye had to leave so damned fast. 1 week and one day's notice was all he had. And all of us, especially me, feel so betrayed. We had great plans for this summer and the fall. At least I'll be seeing him in december when I fly back home. I like stuffed toys. Beanie babies rock! but. I have to watch my spending, yeah, too many beanies'll break my bank! college isn't all that cheap. I'm not a loaded person. I've got to think about my budget for this month. sheesh, I've already overspent and am going to be stretched till october. cheebye! I wonder if anybody's going to read this rambling. if somebody is, hmmmm. you can call me. I'm "new" to america and don't have any american friends. sad isn;t it? but that is the case. what's the point of going overseas for an education if you don't imerse youself into the country's culture. oh well. I've got lot's of things to do now. like get my "lunch". I'm starving. hmmm. | high | low | high | high | low |
It said tall macintosh so I wasn't sure what that meant. Anyways, right now I am kind of upset because my roomates are messy and keep on leaving the lights on when they are not occupying the room. I hope our electric bill isn't very high. Man, I have so much reading to do it is not even funny. I miss my boyfriend and family a lot and want to go home. Sometimes I wish I could just go to college at home. I can't go there cause I have a scholarship to attend this school. I have been very bored lately. Wow, I am so suprised that there wasn't a humungous waiting list to use these computers. I sure hope this computer isn't for a handicap person cause it is higher than all the others. Oh, well if a handicap person comes I'll just move. The guy across from me looks funny because he is looking at his computer with astonishment and his mouth is wide open. I'm trying to think of things to write but it is kind of boring in here so my thoughts are not flooding out like they usually do. I tried to do the pre-testing but it wouldn't let me in because it said other people were already using it. That sucks!!!!! Man, after this I think I am going to move to another regular computer because I am starting to feel really guilty. There are a lot of empty computers right now. Cool there is a huge M hanging above my computer and my name starts with M. After this I will probably search the web for volunteer agencies that I can volunteer for for my social work class. I have about 8 more minutes to write. Man, something got on my beautiful, cute kitty folder and made some of the paint come off. I wonder what it was. These computers are cool because you can bring cd's and listen to them. Is that a girl or a boy? First I thought it was a boy but he/she had a very colorful girlish looking purse. I think it is a boy. My hands are starting to kind of hurt from typing. I probably sound like a baby. Oh man, a guy just sat at the computer that I was planning to use next. I guess I'll just sit on the next role. 5 more minutes. I hope it is not dark when I go home cause I have to walk. I'm bored!!!!!!!I can't wait to go home and eat. What shall I eat??? I certainly don't feel like eating hamburger helper leftovers again. Maybe I'll order something from Plucker's or walk over there. 3 more minutes. They should have music in here. Nah, that's not a good idea cause not everybody likes the same kind of music or can concentrate with it on. I can. I think I've seen that guy before somewhere. Well, time is about up, finally :) | low | low | low | high | high |
I think that I am just supposed to write whatever flows from my mind for this one, so here I go. I really like the theory that writing about a problem helps you sort it out. It is interesting to me that putting that problem onto paper helps symbolically remove it from the mind. Theories like that always seem to capture my imagination, I am a huge fan of symbolism. I miss my girlfriend a lot. I think about her multiple times each day, she just pops into my head all the time. I wish I could have called her today, but I just didn't have time. I just realized that I called her my girlfriend. I guess we are broken up now, but more because life drew us apart than any conscious decision. I am dying for some reason to call her and tell her that I love her. I haven't said that in a long time, I think it will make her incredibly happy to hear it. I hope she hasn't given up on us, although that is extremely unlikely. I have not been able to talk with her much lately because she has been grounded, but when we spoke the other day she still sounded like she cares. We've been through so much, I think she always will care about me. It seems almost corny to say "We've been through so much" because everyone says that about their sign. other. But with Christal and I it's not like we've just been through a time where we fought with our parents or ended up almost splitting up, we have walked as close to Hell as I care to come. There are still some things I hate remembering and I block from my mind. Every now and then I will remember something which seemed to have vanished from my memory and I am amazed I didn't remember such intense emotion before I was reminded. I suppose it is repression, it is very odd. I don't like to think about a lot of the things we went through, it's just an emotional roller coaster I don't want to ride again. I still imagine myself with Christal automatically when I think of the rest of my life and who I will be with. I cannot wait until semester when we can spend more time together. I just got a flash of memory of what it is like to be a couple who sees each other and spends together a lot. I miss her being an active everyday part of my life. She is still an everyday part of my life, but only in my thoughts. Not in physical reality. I will definitely call her tomorrow, after my dreaded chemistry test. I am sure I could be studying so much better right now if I had talked with her today. I am scared that when she finds out about Shea it will hurt her incredibly, the odd thing is I would do it again. But it remains to be seen if I would do it again after we talk. I feel so out of touch with her. She changed so much in the wake of everything that happened I feel like I need to get to know my best friend again. I am sure that her core personality is still the same though, I just feel weird because we have both changed and grown so much apart from one another, I am scared that we grew into two people who aren't supposed to be together. | high | low | high | high | low |
I just don't feel like I have quite gotten into the groove of school yet. I hate that we start before labor day, because I feel like I am just getting my schedule back to normal when I get another vacation. I think I'm going home to see my mom this weekend, my birthday is tomorrow and hers is on Monday so were going to have a girls weekend, shopping, makeovers, haircuts, I can't wait. I wish that Glenn was coming with me though, I hate to travel by myself, especially flying, I'm glad the flight only takes an hour but I really do not like to fly. I can't imagine going to Europe and being on a plane for an entire day, I would want to jump out, it just makes me feel trapped at least when your in the car you can stop along the way for a travel break. anyway, besides getting ready for this weekend, I have a lot of homework I need to finish, so I can have fun while I'm home, my horoscope told me today was a good housecleaning day, I've been needing to do that ever since Glenn's party, so I better do it today, or ill have to wait till the next full moon, or favorable planetary alignment!:) I don't really believe in horoscopes, but I still read them, especially around my birthday, silly superstition I guess, my horoscope for this week said I should do something memorable and kind of crazy for my birthday. I'm thinking that's not such a bad idea. I've only got a couple more years left that its still socially acceptable for me to be irresponsible. what crap, I hope I'm doing pseudo-irresponsible (not life-threatening and stupid, just fun) until I'm very, very old. its so weird that I would want to be like that, because I don't think I give off that image to the world. actually taking risks really scare me and I avoid them in real life as much as possible, but my rich a varied fantasy life is full of them. this should give you a clue to how type a I am, my fantasies about taking risks usually just include planning them, hardly ever actually doing them. where was I? oh yeah birthday, so I'm kind of bummed out bc I gave Glenn a really great party and bought him lots of presents bc at the time we had money, but surprise his stupid company hasn't paid him yet so right now a great birthday present for me would be to pay the bills. I'm feeling a little guilty about the way I spent money on him, when I sort of knew what the situation would be, but I can't do anything about it now, and I feel like its selfish of me to want him to reciprocate what I did for him. I guess that's my spoiled only child coming out. I really did have fun watching him opening his presents and enjoying his party, I didn't do those thing so he would do the same for me, but I would be nice! okay back to school I'm feeling okay about most of my classes even chemistry, but I do not want to fail calculus again! that would suck, I already dislike the prof's teaching style. I know he wants us to learn by understand the proofs, he thinks that doing tons of problems for practice, which is what I like, is a "high school" way to learn, he actually really gets on my nerves. I really don't care about understanding calculus, I don't even have to take the second part, I just want to memorize formulas and pass the tests, too bad it doesn't seen to work like that in his class. I guess if I just keep up with it should be okay, that was my problem last semester, I just kept getting further and further behind, and tried to cram the night before the final. that works in my liberal arts classes, but in none of my science classes, which I guess in a strange way is why I like them. when I enjoying what I'm learning I don't mind reading everyday, and usually by the end of the semester I can really apply what I've learned in broader terms. it was really cool to see that a lot of the methodology and general theories I learned in my ecology classes were also used in psy. calculus is not one of those things I feel like I'm going to enjoy | high | low | low | high | high |
what is the purpose of this? where is Jackie? oh yea, asleep. I love that girl but she is driving me nuts with the pressure. oh well, who cares. I love my dog Hershey. why wasn't she excited to see me when I came home today. what else should I say --stream of consciousness--bull shit. I am never fully conscious. why is banc one spelt with a c? I need to put some lotion on my hands. Jackie sure did miss me. she is a great girl. I need another t shirt. going back to school on Sunday. lots of homework this weekend. calculus is going to kill me. I am going to need a lot of outside help. a lot. Pennebaker, what origin is that? psychotics. why do serial killers behave the way they do? will I learn that? I guess I should check the syllabus. jack would want this whole stream to be about her. she always gets what she wants because I spoil her. she is so beautiful. my momma knows me so well. she is a great woman. I wish my dad would get a job but not travel because my mom will be really lonely. that is no good. I kind of want to worry about sentence structure and grammar but I am trying not to. this is a really unique exercise. I have a really scattered brain. I can't concentrate on anything. I have a worse attention spell than dustin bell or even mark that fucking bastard. if he ever tries to get jack again I'll kill him. she is my angel. she sure did miss me more than I did her. I guess that is because I am to bogged down with other things, ie: psychology and this wacko assignment. Pennebaker. I would like to pin a baker to the wall and beat him like raw meat until the blood from his ecoli filled body puddled around me. that was pretty sick. I think about shit like that all the time. why? am I weird for that? I guess I just have as screw loose. not like david does though. Jesus, talk about chemical imbalance. that fucker has some serious problems. ever since the mushroom incident I haven't looked at him the same. crazy guy. and his mom is such a bitch, and his alcoholic dad, and his pot head brother. with his mom dying I hope he's all right. poor guy. its a shame he doesn't care. Dave is some one that dr. / Pennebaker auto to analyze. you'll find some unique stuff in that crazy bastard. wow, what a nut. why are the keys on the keyboard organized the way that they are? some one is an idiot, but it all works out pretty well. will is a nice guy, but I don't want to go to his church groups. I feel guilty for leading him on. maybe I'll go once but that will only make the problem worse. immigrants are bastards. especially Mexicans. I don't want Texas to have more brownies than whites. that will suck. our native tongue will be worthless and the school systems will go to crap because English as a second language will be in the core curriculum. screw that. speaking of screwing, I wouldn't mind getting laid right about now. to bad Jackie is on her period. I would definitely like to get laid. I guess I can crank off later, but it is no where near as good. maybe I can get a blowjob this weekend since I did come in unexpectedly. I'm so nice. I still haven't figured out exactly why I cam in. just a few more minutes to go. I'm really kind of enjoying this. thoughts on paper. that is how things get accomplished, no? well going to college is pretty crazy and at the same time pretty boring. a lot of good looking women in dobie. everyone in jester is but ass ugly. I guess it is good that I am not always surrounded by hot chicks so that I can stay faithful to Jackie as long as I want to. I don't know what is going on inside of this crazy head of mine. who really cares? I guess the psychologists do. well, time is up. I guess I'll do this again in a few days. alright, later | high | low | high | low | low |
first a bit of background last Friday on my way home at three in the morning my brother flipped our car and it rolled twice I guess my last few days have been mainly taken up by thoughts of what happened I guess I am the kind of person who analyzes what they do after the fact and right now I'm trying to go through my emotions really wasn't afraid I wonder why I mean we were that close to death if we had flipped 10 yards later we would have fallen fifteen feet into a creek but as it was nothing happened so really I just kid of went on with my life so I'm not dwelling on the crash what I am dwelling on is the fact that I was over the crash in a meter of minutes this is the kind of thing that shapes many peoples lives but it seems to have no impact on mine I'm not more or less kind I don't enjoy life more I even had fun that weekend I don't feel that I am truly any closer to God I am not praying any more not that that is how I judge my relationship with God but even how I judge my relationship a no closer weird I should have done this later on I think better at night but if I wrote what I was thinking on here tonight instead of on paper I would lose these thought so I guess it is better this way I can always rewrite what I type onto paper but then I would feel the urge to revise and I haven't fully come to the conclusion whether that is right or wrong yet I mean what is what I truly think and feel what is spur of the moment and straight from the heart or what is what I can put together over time so I haven't yet presented myself with the option by trying to rewrite what I write neater or type it I guess they are both valid or it's hard to type as fast as I think why I write on paper what I this but then even I can't read what I write half the time on a more petty note I am worried about math I just have no idea what to expect but that is something that I can put to the back o my mind I'm trying not to think of anything school related because I want to write on that next time but some overlapping is probably ok I'm worried about math because I don't know what to expect that is the difference between high school and college in high school you could mess up on the first quiz or test and not worry about it because you had twenty more grades to bring it back up in college if you misjudge the teacher and screw up on the first test it will be very hard to bring the grade back up for the semester it would be like taking an entire six-weeks in high school to learn how a teacher gives tests oh well | high | low | high | low | low |
like how my day was, yeah, I woke up real early today, likie 800 and theres still ab unch of people walking in and out of my room like this one girl who likes my roommate, and I know I left my last topic right in the middle but illcome back, so anyway, this girl that just walked into my room like my oommate, and she seems really nice, and shes cute enough, but someone told my roommate that shes not cute and now he doesn't like her, now I must concede that in the past, I've realized that girls aren't as beautiful as I originally thought, bcause someone else told me they didn't think so and I relized id been projectin something on the girl, or looking a little too hard for something that's not there, so I shouldn't judge or somethinng like that and and so I woke up for an 830 class this morning, and it was a Cal stuy session that was completely pointless, I miss my high school calculus class, I miss my high school cal teacher, she was a very good teacher, I ad lot of those in high school, so I guess I'm pretty lucky, but she was a really good teacher, and a lot of my friends in the class got together ad had a great study group, because, well for many reasons, first of all they werent my best friends, thy were three girls and my brohter, but they werent my best friends, and so I didn't have to worry too much about getting too off topic at the biegginning of the year with stupid inside jokes, we could just study, and later onwhen we became better friends, we could talk for hours about iomportant stuff, or reminice, and still know when to crachk down and actually study, also like I said the teacher was just great, I'm going back this weekend and since its labor day we don't have school on monday so I may just skip school tuesday and stay home to go back and visit some of my old teachers, and I've only got 6 more minutes of writing, but I really think thatd be nice, uhh I'm out of tuff to say again, and everyone is babbling in the background, and I'm trying to tune him out, or them out, but now I'm losing total train of thought and so I'm going to start babbling again or risk having to stop all together and so I don't have any more classes today and I'm struggling here and my roommates playing playstation, so I went and worked out the other day, actually yesterday, and it was the first time in 4 months, but I'm going running and weight liftin again today, and I havent run in about the same length of time and so I'm sorta worried about taht, but I'm looking forward to it to, getting a little chubby you know, so I'm starting to work out 6 days a week, about one to two hours a day, and I'm worried is going to but a strain on my homework, but I've always been able to to manage time in the past and I just noticed that I've got less than aminute and now I'm done so I'm wrapping up saying goodbye if you ever read this, I ope you enjoyed this little window into my head | high | low | high | low | low |
I am thinking about Jason and wondering if we will get married. I am really happy but then there is Tim, who wants to get in my calculus class and my teacher is an absolute freak. what is a freak anyway I don't know but I have heard that there are a lot of freaks here. my roommate is asking me what I am doing and I want to tell her that I am typing on my computer. can't she see that? some people are just redundant. this paper is redundant and life is redundant. people keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again, and they don't see the pattern. it took me a while to see the pattern of my redundancy but now I see the pattern and I still make the same mistakes. I always make mistakes and I do the same stuff and I didn't even make a sorority and I really don't really care. I can't type fast at all now I am stealing my roommates thoughts maybe I just am really dependent on other people and I can't even think for my self. Hey sweetie? What's your name and major? I just heard my messages and they are not even my messages because I cannot think with my roommate complaining about how popular she is, I used to be popular I was so damn popular. And now I am just a number-my social security number Gone is my identity and my boyfriend and my family and my roommate is trying to sleep and I am getting tired. I wonder what you would say, yeah you, if I told you that I slept through your psychology class and don't really care about what everyone has going on in their messed up heads. I am doing this because I have to, I have to do this and I have to be responsible. I can't believe that my father yelled at me today He is lying when he says he loves me. He told me that the only person he ever loved is mom and if I am rude to her once more then I will suffer. like what is he going to do? Put me in a gas chamber or send me to jail worth no food? I can't believe this stuff is happening to me, At the party tonight I felt miserable. I hate Jason for making me hurt so bad, I hate loving someone that is so far away. I hate the way I feel that I am missing out, but when I try to lead a normal college life I only wish I was at his house playing pool. I'm good at pool now. The holes on his pool table are smaller than average so that when I play on a real table I could really hustle somebody. Hove I ever been hustled? What all can one be hustled in? I must be the victim of some huge pimp like hustle that follows me around and lets me fall on my ass when I feel good about myself, I hate you Kevin Hogan, I hate your lies and my lies to everyone about you, I would have made it somewhere had you never kissed me and hustled me. I wish that this computer would stop beeping, Beep Beep Claire needs to sleep. | low | low | high | low | high |
Today I had a very fun (sarcastic) schedule, I worked out and also participated in my NROTC drill team, which I am a part of. My thoughts are nothing but satisfaction, a vigorous week of PT (physical training), academics, drill, and discipline have finally ended for three glorious days to elapse. Yes, just another three days or so, then it's back to the normal vigorous routine. My feelings for joining the NROTC unit is my decision, the option to choose the path to become a Marine Corps commissioned officer is brave for my part. For the past week, PT has been vigorous and I sometimes find myself out of shape for the activities. My ankle, which has a long history of spraining, is not helping either. My Gunnery Sergeant and my Staff Sergeant and I agreed that the Leathernecks, the "Marine Corps" part of the team, will help me get up to standards, after all, the Leathernecks and the entire unit looks after its own. Looks after it's own. I want to be part of the team, a part of the unit, a player, a leader, not a manager, not a weakling, nor any of that. I want to prove that I am someone. That I am a human being, someone worthy of being respected and liked. I have had a couple of bad experiences before I reported to UT. One was that I broke up with my girlfriend for the summer. She and I, even though we liked each other, found out that we were 'incompatible' and the separation of college (me going to UT, she going to U of H) would only make things worse. Sometimes we would find ourselves arguing over something as petty as 'who left the door open?'. It was a bad experience and the breakup just before college hit me like a MACK truck, just like all my bad experiences before. After my breakup, I wonder whether I should date again. There's a nice girl (I won't name her name or how I know her) around that I know but I don't know if I should get to know her more. Maybe it's because I had a bad history of dating, and I sometimes wonder if I would take the circle path back to where I started, broken up and feeling depressed about myself. This girl, I like her a lot, and I think she thinks I'm ok, but I don't know if she really likes me. To take another risk like that will probably leave me either being shunned my rejection or being depressed by another break up. That's why I must concentrate on other things. My priority is to the team, and I will work as much as I can to get my unit up and running. I am in the pistol and the drill team and I want to learn more and know more. Also, I want to get a 4. 0 GPA, so I can get a scholarship from my unit. PT has been tough, I find myself being killed by the active duty Marines when we PT, but I can't quit. My ankle had me forced to drop out of the runs two times, but I won't quit the program. I cannot quit, and I will not quit. To quit will put me forever in disgrace as a quitter who couldn't 'hack it' and also in the shun of my teammates, who I left them high and dry by letting them down. To quit would also to put me down further into the downward spiral of depression. To quit is out of the question. I will keep on going no matter what happens and I will do anything that has to be done to pass. I will not fail. | low | high | low | low | high |
I am happy that I made the transition from Georgia Tech to UT. I am cautious about my future and what I want to get involved in. I want to become a Texas Wrangler but I am unsure that they will take me. I want to do well in school and get in to law school. I don't study as much as I want to, and I need to work on that. I love sports and I like football most of all. I wish I had played football was a kid. I am excited about the future of our country and I want to get involved. I don't understand what this assignment is about, but I will write everything that is on my mind. I worry a lot about stuff that is of no concern to me. I try to be the best student and person that I can be. I have a lot of pressure on me from my past and the way I have been raised. I've always been a good student and pretty athletic, and I try to be the best at everything. I knew that is bad, but I feel that that is the way I was born. I believe our President is guilty and should be impeached for the good of the nation. He is a smart man, but he is personally corrupt. I have a roommate that is good. He is Norwegian and is a great student. He is fun to hang out with and we get along well. I have a girlfriend and I'm not sure if we should stay together. We get along well, but I feel like I have the whole world at my fingertips, and she is holding me down. , WE share a lot together and we are best friends, but she wants more. more time, more money. etc. My parents are strong Christians, but ?I am not sure that that is what I want. College is a time to figure all of this out, and I am glad I am here. It is a fun place and the knowledge here is overwhelming. I am like a sponge trying to get it all in my head. I want to be an attorney and I feel like al the knowledge will make me a better lawyer. I want to be the best that I can be and make a good future for myself. My Mom never went to college so she wants me to make the most of it. It is a lot of pressure from her, and I try to be a role model for my younger brother. He is a trouble maker, and I want to be a positive influence in his life. He is a good kid, but the friends he is with are not good for him. I love my family very much. I can't wait for the UT UCLA football game. I love the game and I love the school spirit it provides. I was an engineering major at Georgia Tech last year and I made the switch to UT all by myself. I am proud of that move, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It was the best move I've ever made. I like the big school here and the number of students here. I want to run for public office when I get older and make this country a better place. I feel like I can be a good leader and bring good things to this country. I am a good person, and I believe others will think so too. | low | high | high | low | high |
I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1 433613201 | low | high | high | low | low |
I'm pretty happy with my first week and a half of classes. I've met a lot of people. It means a lot to me. I am a very quiet, sort of shy person. I was afraid of coming to UT because I'm not the best at making friends. So far though, it hasn't been a problem. My big classes have been a little intimidating because of there size. I used to have classes about 30 or less. Right now I am happy, UT won its first football game. I'm glad I was able to go. It was lots of fun. Now I feel a little exhausted. I haven't really done all that much today. I actually got to sleep for 12 hours last night. I could be exhausted because I am hungry. I think I'm pretty lucky. My parents sent me some food. My brother brought it to Austin. He and I will share it. I'm already starting to miss home-cooked meals. I think my 20 minutes are just about up. I probably fix a bite to eat, watch a little T. V. and go to sleep. | low | high | low | high | high |
I feel a bit stressed out this week because it seems like my assignments are piling up. Computers are not my specialty so I am glad I made it on this web page, now if I can only figure out how to check my e-mail. I went to a alpa Kappa Delta Phi meeting last, which turned out to be pretty fun. I am so excited about the whole sorority experience. I hope I get a bid. This would be such a great experience - to make new friends. At this moment I am trying to get things done because I have a class in an hour and I have to attempt reading the Wall Street Journal before 5:00. I would have gotten my paper yesterday, but I couldn't figure out the lock combination, so I called the Wallace Distributors and left a message yesterday. She called me this morning and treated me as if I were a child, speaking real slow and in my opinion she was patronizing me which I really hate. I think I am going to be nervous all week wondering if I am going to get into KDPhi. My roommate and I are getting along pretty well so I am pretty happy about that. She is trying out for Spirits and I hope she gets in because she deserves it. I am worried that it will be difficult for her to get in because 200 girls are trying out for 23 positions. | low | low | high | high | high |
at this point I am very unsure of what exactly to do or where my direction for the future is. My paranoia that I developed from living in ny has certainly overcome my life as everyday is almost a struggle at times to go on because I so easily find something to mess it up. I feel as if everything is always ready to go wrong, so I guess I need a more optimistic view of my life so I don't have to have negative beliefs everyday that ruin a perfect day. I guess I am also questioning whether I belong in Austin or if I should return to NYC and transfer to nyu business school. I will need a 4. 0 both semesters which will be close to impossible for myself in order to stay here. in addition I also wonder if I belong here and if I can fit in with everyone else. they are all nice to me but I just wonder if I can fit in and if they are all being fake to me behind my back, not that I don't already have to deal with that in ny. if it were not for people I could trust like Reid or Jason or a very few others than I don't think I could make it here. I am very surprised to find how certain people have just drifted away and its like I make an effort and they don't even care about it. I just feel that sometimes things are not any better here than in ny and if it came down to the two I would probably just go back to NYC. NYC has a very special importance to me. I feel in a weird way that I can fit in there and it is my real home. to have the opportunity to live there for college and party all the time is really exciting, although I wonder if it would be the right choice to go back east since I was so miserable there. Danielle is the only person who I can count on and maybe even Nicole if I was not so pissed at her for going out with mike, but then again maybe that is my fault. if I wasn't so flirty and actually expressed my feelings than maybe it could have worked a lot better, but then again I always find someway to screw things up as usual which always haunts me at every task or thing now because I go in with such a negative attitude all the time. hopefully I can have another positive year like last time and it will help me be more confident. In the mean time I really need to focus on new goals and establish myself more positively: 1. get a 4. 0 average so I have the opportunity to stay if I want to but keep all transfers in mind especially nyu or something in the Boston area in case I feel the need to leave. 2. keep working out and getting big - competition is tough and I have to compete with you know who so I feel as if I must keep on going and hopefully it will work and I will look decent for once in my life - I also need to stay healthy and I need, I want a 6 pack by years end if it kills me 3. work on being social despite my physical problems and hopefully I will win out with whatever way it goes 4. help your community out and help others - remember you have been bad and need to fulfill certain things because the lord put me here for a reason and I want to be helpful and give happiness to others since I am not happy at least Remember to keep it real and tight . CAN'T NOBODY HOLD ME DOWN!!!! I CAN'T STOP! I WON'T STOP! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO STOP! ) | high | high | high | low | high |
It is not as though they dit down and say "hey, I'm going to change who I am today, just for the fun of it!" and if they do they aren't serious about changing. I have changed. A lot. It almost scares me how I have evolved as a person over the past several months. My thoughts have changed, how I view myself and other people, how I respond to certain situations, my opinions, beliefs, morals, attitudes; they have all been dramatically altered since this time last year. The funny thing about this is the reason why. I always considered myself to be a person set in my ways, never to step out of bounds, never to go against what I thought was socially acceptable. On a small scale, I was my own person, unique in every way, but in the scheme of life, I was right there with every other middle class high school girl. Trying to fit in, to wear the coolest clothes, listen to top 40 music, go to all the parties to make and appearance and be friends with certain people just because they were "popular". Then I met Cody, and I realized that there was so much more to life that what I was used to. The world wasn't one big happy carousel, spinning and singing and whoever got the prettiest horse was best. No, that's not how it was. There were problems in the world, and I realized that I had been ignorant to them, and it wasn't right. I came to realize that there is so much hatred and apathy out there, and it's tolerated. Not accepted, but tolerated, and that's wrong to. Cody taught me that it's okay to stand up for what I believe in, even if everyone else wasn't doing it, to do it for myself. Not to condone the racism, sexism, homophobia and bigotry that goes on behind closed doors. If we ignore it, it will only fester and grown until there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. I began to realize then that it doesn't matter if you're wearing Polo jeans, or if your parents just bought you a brand new Mercedes, because in the scheme of things, it's all irrelevant and pointless. This message was made clear to me through Cody and the music we listen to. It's okay to be different, it's okay to spike your hair and pierce your eyebrow, because the people who frown upon you for doing so are the people who are afraid of change, the same people that tolerate that same hatred I previously mentioned. It's okay for me to be different as long I know that I'm doing what's rights, and the two should never be confused. You can be considered a social outcast and still contribute more to the well being of society than some big shot in his three piece armani suit, (the epitome of luxury that most people in America idolize today) sitting behind his desk letting his greed for power and money boil into hatred to the point that he will step over all those "lower" than him to get what he want's. This isn't right. Yet this is the American dream. What is wrong with this picture? | low | low | high | low | high |
She kind of put me in a depressed mood for the passed few days because she started telling me that she often writes her dad in trying to make her feel better, and it does, It kind of put things into perspective for me because I wouldn't know what I would do in her situation. well now that I am back in Austin I try to work hard and try to get thing s like this off my mind. not that I necessarily want to because that would be bad. well now the people I am with right now are bothered because I am using their computer and I don't want them to see what I am typing, I usually feel this way with anything I do, I don't like any one seeing or reading g anything that I write, do, or accomplish the time isn't really going by to fast right now . I have so much in my head put can't think about it right now. I am a strange strange person. everyone always tells me that because I always hold back my thought and when I want to let them out my mind draws to a blank. it gets me frustrated, good thing that I work out to work off my frustration. the life is tough, that is what my dad always says, and it is. I don't know how he made it here and have 5 kids have successful lives. my parents have done a good job, they really have. but know in trying to give so much more than they had it's hurting them financially and I feel that me going off to college is putting an even bigger debt in their pocket book. But they tell me not to worry about so I tell them not to worry about me, I also tell them that if anyone is going to go in debt it's going to be me. let me pull out the loan s in my name let me do all that I will be able to take care of it in the long run. right now I'm just tired of being a burden I know what I have to do and I am going to do it. I have done this type of assignment before, I once turned it in as a paper, and my teacher loved it, it was more in the structure of a poem, it ended being about 20 pages long and my teacher said it was outstanding, and nobody even believed me when I said that I was going to turn in that abstract paper and they didn't believe me when I told them that the teacher actually liked it. and that is 20 minutes. | low | high | low | low | high |
I come from a small town of 5,ooo people and everyone knows your business. I have 4 sisters and 0 brothers. I am the 2nd to the youngest person of all 5 girls. All 3 of my older sisters are married except for my youngest one. She is only in the 6th grade. My father is a elementary school teacher and my mother is a pharmacist technician. I love my parents to death and they have been for me continuously. I respect with all that I have to offer and much more. I hope to do well in school, not only for myself but for them as well. I hope to go to medical school one day and eventually be doctor. I have high expectations of myself and I hope to accomplish all of my goals. I know that I am the only one that can mess up my life and my goals. I have this roommate, and I worry about him every now and then. He seems to know what he wants but, he keeps on screwing up. I have this friend who has to do homework. She would have been done by now but she is a huge procrastinator. I can be like that too, but I work better under pressure. A lot of people tell me that I do not have common sense, but I really don't give, because I don't care. As you can see, I am writing whatever is coming to my mind. I wish I could just type the same word over and over again. For example,---- say etc. Sometimes I wonder what the world will be like in about 20 years. if it is even going to be here or if we are not. Huh. About what. Oh man hey one of you'll do me a favor, nah I need a big favor. I am not going to pull your finger. No for real I need you'll to do me a favor. It depends. Will you'll go pick up Erica? Yah, if you give me few bucks. Well, I really don't know what to type anymore, I have been typing a whole bunch of crud and now my twenty minutes are up or at least almost up. I have paused for a while, but that is only because it is hard just writing what ever comes to your mind. so I won't lie, but It has been an experience. | low | high | low | low | high |
I just ate and am full. I feel a little stressed trying to write in a flow and finding enough things to write for 20 mins. This is probably one of the strangest things I've ever had to do but that's why this class is so interesting I'm so excited to major in it. I'm having a bad morning, because I slept late and now I feel that my whole day is ruined. It's so weird to be doing homework like this, I guess I'm just not used to this. I'm so glad this class is so different. I also love philosophy too. I really feel like sleeping right now, however my scholastic obligations are more important right now. This is such a pivotal moment in my life, as I embark on college life. Right now I'm actually very proud of myself for getting all of my studies taken care of, rather than succumbing to sleep, as every college student would like to do. I feel like my roommate is really impressed with me as I click away at this computer so concentrated and intent on this assignment. I'm having trouble concentrating because the phone keeps ringing, and Riana keeps talking on the phone. I get distracteed very easily, and am not good at concentrating while there are distractions about. Right now I'm getting irritated, because she is always on the phone with her boyfriend and I cannot concentrate. She's always with him, and I can't be with mine because he lives in college station, and I'm sad because were growing apart, and I can't stop it from happening, and I'd really like to. He's so perfect, but I'm beginning to think there's more out there, and that gives me a terrible feeling inside, because I love him so much, and he's my best friend in the world, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him, so I may just lay a passive role in the relationship until I can settle things in my mind. I feel so odd confiding in a perfect stranger like this, but then again no one may ever read this. I have so many confusions and distractions here. My friend is getting screwed over by a guy who keeps telling me he's in love with me. I loved this guy as a friend, but I've lost so much respect for him, by the way he's playing games with my friend's head. I got my first speeding ticket yesterday, and surprisingly, the only thing I was upset about was the fact that I have to ruin a Saturday in defensive driving. This assignment wears you out-my fingers are aching. I'm really worried that when I finish this and press submit, it won't submit, because I accidentally pressed it before, and at the bottom of my computer screen it says done. My very first assignment , and I've probably already messed it up. I guess I'll have to explain the problem to the professor, and hope he understands that I've never used the internet before, and I am an idiot for messing up. well I guess I'll end on this paranoid note, because I really want to do well, and make a 4. 0 this semester. No one believes me, but I have high hopes and determination, and I won't let them bring me down. Well I guess I didn't end on such a bad note after all, but if that's what you need to make it, then I guess I'll end up ok after all | low | high | high | high | high |
I am very attached to her and am having trouble dealing with her not being with me 24/7. We have dated for almost a year and a half and I don't want to date other people, yet I need someone that is physically with me that I can become close to. I call her all the time and it seemed that nothing has changed in our relationship after being with each other this weekend, yet at the same time as much as I want to see her as much as possible, I have so much trouble saying goodbye to her and letting her go that I sometimes think that it is not worth even seeing her. I knew long distance relationships would be hard, but I didn't realize how tough it would be mentally as opposed to physically grueling. We both don't want to date, yet we will have to get used to the fact of not being able to see each other but 1 or 2 times a month for the next 4 years. I am confused and I was told in the first place not to get myself in this position of having a long distance relationship, but we started dating the summer before senior year and I didn't know it would last this long at the time. On one hand I wish I never met her so everything would be easier, but on the same token she is the person closest to me and besides being my girlfriend, she is my best friend. I know if it was meant to be, then it will work out, but for now I don't know what to do. | low | low | high | low | high |
I am twenty-two years old and I still have apprehension towards computers. I don't really know why. I guess it is because of my lack of experience with them. I am also worried about the pre-testing. I tried to access the site but it would not let me connect. My boyfriend just told me that he thinks it is stupid that a class is relying on computers so much. At first I agreed with him, but as I am typing this, I am beginning to think that it is sort of cool. Speaking of my boyfriend, he is currently in his kitchen heating up leftovers. I can smell them and it makes me sick to my stomach. Oh well, I will get acclimated. I have something on my mind. But first I would like think about my day and my new major. Well, I changed my course of study, but not really. For the past two years I have been in the school of architecture. I love buildings and I love to design. I sacrificed a lot to get into the school and not to mention adding on three extra years to my college life. It was such a major decision. Well, I just entered into a new course of study, it is architectural interior design. The interior design program moved into the school of architecture so they beefed up the program and gave it prestige. Back to my boyfriend. I feel like I had an emotional affair with his best friend. That really sucks. I can't seem to get the other guy out of my mind. I am even having dreams about him. I e-mailed him today. It was a big step | high | high | low | high | low |
of course maybe today is a good day because I am feeling such a flood of emotions at the moment. and this will probably be a good release, you know? I don't know I have been kind of down lately. maybe it is this new university environment. I'm having difficulty adjusting I guess. it's all kind of overwhelming. too many things at once. I really wanted to call mauricio and talk about what happened in Mexico. stuff that shouldn't have happened between us, but it did nonetheless and it really shouldn't have but I am also kind of glad in a way that it did. but instead of calling him like I wanted too I called randy. I hadn't talked to him for three weeks I guess. I want to talk to him about what happened in Mexico also, but I can't. I just can't. it would just cause more unneeded problems I am afraid. so I called him, he was a bad mood as usual lately. I had already been feeling poorly lately and talking to him while he was in that mood wasn't such a good idea it's just that he is one of my best friends and I want to know what is going on in his life. I realize he is having a hard time right now, but he I don't know. I just wish he was more excited to talk to me or something. instead he just upsets me more, and that on top of everything else just makes me cry. crying is a good release though. but I didn't want to. so being like that I wanted to call mauricio even more and sort out some things with him so that would be one less overwhelming thing to deal with right now, but I agree with Andrea and think I should wait for him to call me. but I don't know if I am going to be able to. but I will try. I called my step-mom instead. she immediately knew something was wrong with me. I really miss my mom. Venezuela, my friends, the life I had there. it was so great looking back on it. but I don't want to think that the best years of my life have already passed, I want to think that future holds so much, that I have so much to look forward to. I believe I do I just need to get past this emotional slump I have been in. but it is kind of difficult. I really miss mauricio. I wish he were here in Austin. I feel like right now he is the one I should talk to about everything. I wish I knew how he felt, I just wish he would call me. Christi, thinks I should go and buy a new telephone cable among doing other things. she thinks that if I had regular internet access I would be a whole lot happier. it's not that I not happy. I don't want to be a depressed person, I want to be a happy responsible in-control person. not a sad depressed one that no one want s to be around. I don't think I am usually. I just am in a bad situation lately I guess. I am letting too many things get to me and drag me down. I need to focus on what is important and do one thing at a time. and not get so overwhelmed. I think going home next weekend will be a good break for me as well. I didn't think that I would miss it so much, but I do. a lot actually. I just want to feel my normal comfort level. to know what is going on, although I do not want to be in high school. I just want to be able to I don't know be normal. I thought I would be here, but I am not. I don't know how people do it. how they cope. I think I am lot weaker than I thought. I don't mean that. I don't know what I think. I think that I am almost done with this assignment. it has almost been twenty minutes. I can't believe it. I thought it would take forever. but I guess it really didn't. hopefully I will talk to mauricio soon. I now I have been focused on him a lot. but it's hard not to be. of course I might not see him for a long time, but. let's not think about that right now. | high | high | low | high | low |
The reason being is because I am in good health, I do not have problems studying in my classes, and I have now set a routine where I can exercise, study and have fun at the same time. I do have long days on my classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, but when I get through them I recover on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last year I was not as fortunate with my schedule and my health. I had problems that required I go to a doctor and have x-rays done as well as other tests. Many of the friends of my family also passed away during that year and I was also trying to get myself used to the transition from highschool to college while taking some pretty difficult courses. Overall, I was having a tough time adjusting. I had to miss several classes in order to go in and check what my health problems were. I sometimes even had problems walking at U. T. because of the pains I would feel and did not always fully concentrate on what I needed to. I also seemed to have more distractions my freshmen year and did not always study like I should have. I still made pretty decent grades but I feel I could have done better. Compared to then, life is good. My emotions are better intact, I do not get as nervous as I used to be, and I do not get embarrassed easily to answer questions in class like I used to. I also seem to tolerate more in terms of the differences in people. I still want people to know that I consider God to be important even though they may not. Some people used to tell me that I would change as soon as I entered college and would become like everybody else. I haven't and I want people to understand that even though I may be alone in a lot of issues, I will stand alone and not follow what I don't believe to be true. Sometimes I do not appreciate the fact that some professors don't really care about those in the class who regard God as important and ridicule every person who may believe in that way. I feel sometimes that as a student respects a professor in some of their opinions, then a professor should also respect the student likewise. I do, however, express my feelings to the professor if I feel they are not correctly handling the situation. I do hope the professor does not feel it is an attack on my part and I try to get my points across as diplomatically as I can. With most that I have talked to, I get a pretty good response and we are able to work things out. I do have strong feelings but I hope I do not have to express them in a way that nobody wants to hear. I'm willing to work things out, and I hope that the other individual involved would be the same. | low | high | low | high | low |
I am thinking about my roommate who got the wrong book for his Japanese class and didn't realize it till he tried to do his homework last night, he had to get up this morning and drive to get the book and try to do the four pages in the book that were assigned for homework before class started. He is crazy, he and I always get into trouble like that. We've known each other since elementary school and have had some great times. One time I remember we were studying for a chemistry test our sophomore year in high school, it was really late so we decided to go to the store and get some jolt cola to help us stay awake. I ended up backing my truck into the ditch in front of the store and we were stuck. We sat there forever trying to get my truck out of the ditch and then finally I called another one of my friends who had a four runner. He took us to Wal-Mart and we bought a tow strap. We went back to the ditch and hooked our two cars up together. He then tried to pull my truck out and his tires just spun around and around. So I had to accelerate and my roommate had to push my truck from behind, by the time we got my truck out of the ditch it was like 2 so we were way to tired to study, so we went to bed and failed the chemistry test. I ended getting a 79. 4 in chemistry and being moved to the academic class because of 1/10 of a point. If it was for my roommate coming up with the great idea of going to get jolt cola in the middle of the night I might have been able to stay in chemistry honors, but even if that was the case I would much rather have that memory than an extra point on my high school gpa. My roommate and I now live in a two story townhouse that is 1180 square feet. We got a really good deal on it because the week before school started the apartment complex we preleased with called and said that had no apartments left for us even though we preleased 4 months ago. We had to drive to Austin and look for a new place that weekend and while we were here we stopped by the leasing office and talked to the people there, they said that someone cancelled on a townhouse and that since we had to go through all this trouble we could have it for almost the same price we were going to pay for and apartment about 3/4 the size. We got so excited and I am really glad things worked out like they did because I don't think I could live in a small apartment cause I need a lot of space or I go crazy too much space makes me crazy too but only when there is no one to share it with. But our townhouse is just the right size and its nicely furnished because both of my parents have been divorced and remarried so there is a lot of furniture that no one uses, so I got some pretty nice stuff. There aren't many decorations in the townhouse but there are lots of dishes and silverware. I took my stepmom's couches which really surprised me because I didn't think that she would let me have them because sometimes she is strange but I guess she can be pretty understanding sometimes. I used to hate her but now I realize that she really does want the best for me and only gets frustrated cause she raised her kids differently than my dad raised me. | high | low | high | high | low |
this job is going to drain me if I don't say something to these people I think they're too spoiled 1 minute almost done okay want to go home oh but yeah I need to check pretesting this is the longest minute okay bye. | high | low | high | high | low |
First of all is my class ME 210. I don't want to be taking it at the moment but I will have to take it sooner or later. I am not good at drawing and that is what the class is mainly about. I would love to learn how to do that but I just wish I didn't have to get a grade. I am more worried abut that class than I am about second year cal. I could postpone the class and take it later, maybe during the summer, but I don't know. It will be a hard class for me. The other thing that is on my mind is whether or not I should play baseball. That is a very complicated subject for me. I would be a walk-on. However, several people who know have told me that I could easily make the team. On the other hand, that would be very time consuming. I have a girlfriend back in Waco who is still in high school and I really want to be able to see her. I am afraid that If I played baseball then I would never be able to go home. Also, I am an aerospace engineer and I will have a lot to do besides. The other side is that I have the ability to play and if I don't then I will look back and wish that I had. I have had to deal with this issue all summer. If I do play baseball then I will likely have to change my schedule. On the other hand I think that one of the reasons that I don't want to play is because I might be afraid of not making the team or of upper classmen or scholarship player harassment if I did make the team. People have always told me not to take my girlfriend into consideration when making my decision but I can't do that. They all think that just because I am going off to college that I will find a new girlfriend, and I may, but I don't want to and It won't be anytime soon. We've already talked about marriage and how when she graduates from high school she could come live with me. She is a junior right now so she has two more years. I would love it if we could be living with each other right now. In the year that we have been going out we have never had an argument. I enjoy her company so much. Well that is what is on my mind at the moment. | low | high | low | low | low |
I'm feeling pretty good after my jog, but I usually do. I haven't worked out in two weeks; therefore, I was a little surprised that I could still jog the mile. I'm a pretty slow jogger. When I jog, I usually have company--either one friend or another. It's cool when I jog with friends that have about the same speed I do; that way, I don't get burnt out after jogging for only a short distance. In the summer I used to jog with some friends who had much longer legs than I do, and they were more fit. They used to joke that I had to jog two steps for every step that they took. That's good though, I'm getting the better work out. I used to have dreams about jogging and working out before I actually did start exercising regularly. In one of my dreams, I dreamt that I was running forever and it felt really good--I didn't get tired or anything. This past summer, I experienced something kind of like my dream. I jogged straight for thirty minutes without stopping. When I was down, my muscles felt like jello! Also this past summer, I didn't do much but go to summer school and work on my craft projects. I used to watch these do-it-yourself shows on PBS when I was little and I guess a part of me has always wanted to try some of the ideas out. In the past couple years, I've begun to do some craft projects on my own. My friend Tina wonders why I would buy so many supplies. I like the variety and after I make something, I usually give it away. so it's not like I'm keeping a dozen replicas of something in my apartment. I do use a lot of the things I made to decorate my apartment. without them, my apartment would look emptier than it already does. I don't have a couch right now, but my parents are coming up this weekend and I think we are supposed to buy a futon. that would be really neat. I've never had a futon before. I went to the Texas union last night and my friends and I saw a bunch of for sale signs for futons and sofas. I might have to go ahead and buy one of those if I don't get a futon this weekend. my friend peter said he'll take me furniture shopping too, at some thrift store. I don't want to buy any new couches right now because it'll be such a big hassle when I have to move out. for this coming summer, a couple of my best friends invited me to room with them if they stay up here for summer school. if I do that, then I can move some of my furniture into the apartment we share. | high | high | high | low | low |
They are playing the Atlanta Braves. They're good but I think we should be able to defeat them in the playoffs. There closing pitcher, something like, Lightenburg is the ugliest guy in the league: pretty close to Randy Johnson of the Astros. I'm really hungry right now. I want a nice juicy ribeye steak back in Houston. Houston has the best restaurants. The night before I came to school I went to anthony's in houston. I had duck with cherry dressing. It was so good and the dessert was even better. We ordered practically everything on the menu. School is really different from high school. There is so much freedom compared to high school. Not only are parents out of the scene but teachers don't know if you show up to class or not. My bed is so comfortable. I put my two twin beds together and now I have a king sized bed. I love sprawling out on my bed after walking back from class or coming home from a night in Austin. I love UT and I cannot wait until the first football game even though I am leaving town. I am going to Birmingham for my grandmother's 80th birthday. It will be good to see my parents again. My sister is a senior at UT this year and she is going to graduate in the Spring. She is a PR major. This summer she interned for your daughter at Pennebaker Designs. Well I think that is 20 minutes so I am going to stop. I think I am going to go get something to eat. Pizza or maybe some quesadillas. | low | high | high | high | low |
I still do not understand why my father after twenty years of marriage to my mother decides out of the blue that he is not happy and to get a divorce. why he feels that he needs to be with that other slut. my mother has been a great wife to him and without her he would probably be nowhere today. he thinks that just because he will give her money that she will be okay without him. but money can't buy happiness. I just hope that my little brother is a okay he is only twelve years old and he gets sad when he thinks about his dad not being there I just do not know how I am going to be ready for my test on Wednesday I have to study way too much for the next two days and I need to get an a in biology I need to do good in all of my classes to raise my GPA I just hope that my mom does good on her test also because she has been working hard to make the grade my little brother has been working hard in football to get the starting position with his little friends I wish that could just go back to being a little kid when everything was okay with my parents and I did not have to worry about anything but just being a little kid I would not need to worry about anything hopefully he will come back to his senses and come back home | low | low | low | high | high |
I'll try my best not to organize my thought though and just write what comes to my mind. This stream of consciousness reminds me of my senior author oh what was her name she wrote To the Lighthouse and Mrs. Dalloway. Her name will come to me in just a second. She was a very depressed person I still can't believe she committed suicide by drowning herself she must have really wanted to die. Oh well, I can't remember her name write now. It is strange that I can't remember her name considering I read over a 1000 pages of her writings and wrote three papers on her work. I think I can't remember because I feel too much stress the remember it. In fact, I feel like right when I stop thinking about it her name will pop into my head. I can still vividly see what the covers of all her books look like in my head. Ok I am going to stop thinking about her for right now and think about what I read earlier today from C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. It is amazing how much I am learning about the Christian faith and I have been a Christian for a while now. I like what Lewis says about society and morality. How what a person does my himself is important for society because laws do not make moral men. No matter how many laws one can write up the immoral man will always find new ways to get around the laws so what a man does by himself is important to society which had important implications what how society should run and about many privacy issues like abortion. Well I think that privacy is an important thing and it really bothers me how we use of social security number for everything and how the government wants to assign us all a medical id. I will vehemently oppose such a measure. It is hard to write all the thoughts that are in my mind because my mind works a whole lot faster than I can write. So while I'm in the middle of writing this sentence I have already thought of 2 other things. I am kind of disenchanted by politicians and politics. To get to such high positions of power, one has to compromise which means one must be corrupt but I wonder if that is really true I wonder if there can be honest politicians I wonder if there can be honest lawyers. I surely hope so You know I remember reading one that Diana always had a feeling that she was going to be someone important one day. I wonder if everybody had that same feeling and if it is just a fantasy or a dream that everyone has I still can't believe she is dead you know I feel like I am kind of censoring what I write because of the possibility that so TA might what to read some of these stream of consciousness writings to get a couple of kicks out of it. I think I probably would if I were a TA it must be really difficult to be a TA and be a grad student. it is hard enough just being an undergrad student. my head kind of hurts right now I wonder if that is from stress I think it is. My apartment is quiet right now I am very glad I didn't go out with my roommates I like being by myself every once and a while. I love not having to worry about any body but myself but I also love being around people. I really do like having a roommate because you can talk and have fun together I guess everything has its ups and downs Even though today was the first day of class my first day is not really till tomorrow because most of my classes are on Tuesday and Thursday instead of on MWF I'm really now to nervous right now but I am sure I will get stressed out this semester I really need to learn how to deal with my stress. if not make it go away at least manipulate it to my benefit. Ok I only have to write for a couple more minutes. It is interesting all the strange connections that one thinks about it seems like I think about the same basic 15 things over and over when ever I have quite time to myself I wonder why that is I am excited about this psychology class. learning about human behavior is always interesting to me I think some people like psychology so much because they want to learn how to manipulate people and control them -- I guess sort of a power issue I hope that now why I am interested in psychology. Well, my time is up now It has been kind of staged my writing but only slightly so I still have in the back of my mind this the knowledge that some one might read what I am writing Oh well | low | high | high | high | low |
Towers seemed to have gotten an illness that spread very quickly last week. Only difference is everyone felt like crap for a day maybe two, I was sick for four. However, I'm feeling better so perhaps tomorrow is my last day. My mother brought some Echinacea- it's an herb that supposedly helps during the cold and flu season. I pray it does the trick. I am extremely excited about this upcoming weekend. I get to go home- Houston. Isn't that strange? You're supposed to go to college and never want to leave; here I am jumping up and down at the very thought of home. Unfortunately, the University of Texas at Austin doesn't fit like I thought it would. The university itself is awesome. My professors all seem great and the classes are interesting. The main problem exists at home- University Towers room 301. I typically refuse to stereotype- but I'll make an exception. Most people here are self-absorbed, fake, rich kids. I care more about people and their life experiences. They care more about what you drive or what your father does for a living. Oh well, at least I'm not in this alone. One of my best friends from Houston isn't content here either, except she is at ACC. My roommate, Sharon, is really sweet. (I went pot luck). She lived in Houston most her life but her dad got transferred to Holland, so she moved as well. I love hearing stories about the differences. She went to an American school so it's not like she learned Dutch, but still the opportunity was once in a lifetime. My parents moved to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil only a month ago. I was able to visit for a week early this summer and sure enough It Was Beautiful. My dad works for Houston Industries and was offered a promotion, salary increase, housing/driver paid, among other things to work in Rio. So they went to check it out and discovered it would be worth it. That's crazy to me. They are 54 years old and completely changing cultures, countries, etc. In a way I'm thrilled for them. Yet, my sadness that they're 10 hours away overcomes that. It's not all a sad story though. I have a gorgeous place to visit for Christmas vacation (there it will be spring I think) and my parents and I are going through life changes at the same time. Also, my house will still be there; my oldest brother and his wife are moving in. So I have my oh, so comfortable bed to retreat to at Thanksgiving. This is strange to me. a writing assignment that doesn't require revising and outline and spell check. Actually I like it more because I feel like I'm talking to someone. I'd much rather talk than write. English is my least favorite/worst subject. I do well in math but I don't like it. History is okay, depending if the teacher makes it exciting. Science is the best. if I weren't so crazy about dance and teaching I'd become a chemical engineer. But I believe I'd get bored of that job real quick. Well, times up. I'll sign off and go study. | high | low | high | high | high |
Well I have been thinking about a dream I had last night which was bothersome. I have only vomitted twice in my life and so my dream had to do with me throwing up all over the place and in my dream I was trying to wake up from the dream because I don't like throwing up. I was also thinking about all of my school work. I am very frustrated with the pre-testing website because I can never get on it. There always seems to be some sort of technical difficulty, and I don't know what to do about it and so I came up with one solution and that is to get Netscape Navigator but that also didnt work out like I had hoped. So I tried to see if there was a problem with my Internet provider so that whole thing is causing a lot of frustration for me. Well I don't like thinking about it too much because I am hoping sometime between now and September 11th my problem willl be solved. I am also overwhelmed in my spanisk 312L class which my last semester of a language and it is very difficult and I dread going to class every MWF from 12-1. As I am writing this I keep thinking about how the instructions of this assignment says not to worry about grammar but I still have to make sure that I haved spelled every word correctly not so much the punctuation but the spelling. This assignment is very fun for me. Also I am thinking about the conversation my roommates and I had last night about God right after we were discussing God in class on Monday. We had a two or so hour conversation about death and God after I had stated that the ONE subject that I do not like talking about is death. So ofcourse we talk about death and then we go on to have a deep conversation which is something I enjoy doing from time to time just to see what other people feel about certain topics. I am also constantly thinking about guys that I used to know in high school and the one or two that are a year younger than me that I still talk to and that have at one point or another had an attraction to but don't know what will come of it meaning whether or not I will stay friends with the two boys as time goes on. I am also thinking about what is going on on the television show that is on in my room. It has to do with sexual harassment and it is the guy accusing the woman of sexual harassment at a Dominos Pizza Company. And he won the landmark case. It is funny because the comedy show that was on prior to the present show had to do with the same issue. Well that is all --- This assignment was very pleasing to me because I enjoy doing assignment like this. | low | low | high | high | low |
It's so stupid. All these people think they're such hot shit because they're pretty now or whatever. And it's pathetic how they're still emotionally screwed up because Joe Blow made fun of them in the third grade and they still haven't recovered. Give me a break. It's been 20 years - get over it!!!! And I hate when the audience says -"You must have gotten the wrong Jenny, You don't need Jenny Jones - You need Jenny CRAIG!" Ha Ha Ha. I feel really bad for lying to Matt last night. I love him so much and I don't know why I always cut corners. Where's the harm in saying yeah Matt 2 pike idiots were here last night and I drank a couple beers. He won't care. It's like I lie more when I'm completely innocent than I do when I'm totally guilty. Not that I'm guilty ever but anyway. It was so stupid that he got mad about Anne being over last night. Oh that guy is hot on tv. Anyway, It's not like I'm all buddy-buddy with her now. We were just reminiscing. Though we had a lot of shitty times together and I essentially hate her psycho guts, we did have a lot of good times together. Halloween was so much fun. I hope this year is just as fun. I hope Matt doesn't come down and be a bum. I hope if he's here in Austin he'll dress up and be stupid with us. I also hope he starts liking my friends more. I love him, but he's got to accept all of me. Damn, nice house. This guy has a really cool pool with a bridge over it. Neat. But - --I forget what I was talking about. He's been so sweet since I left. I never heard him be so goofy over me and writing me letters and saying how much he loves me all of the time. I don't know if it's just because he's so lonely in SFA but I like ie. He makes me feel good when he's all mushy and stuff. I really need to turn off the tv. Everything I think gets clouded up by what's on tv. Oh well because my time is up. | high | low | high | high | high |
what to write? I am happy right now because I just got a phone call from a frat that I am going to join. we are having a get together tomorrow and there are going to be strippers! that should be cool. but I don't know what to wear. I always get nervous about what I should wear. I hope my girlfriend does not find out, even though I will probably tell her, and she'll probably get mad like she sometimes does. I wonder when clay is coming home? we have to work out tonight, and I still have a lot of Persian how to do. my throat feels better today than it has all weekend. I was really sick for the last three days so I stayed home and watched the 30th anniv. of Planet of the Apes. that was a good movie. I have never seen any before and now I want to go buy the whole set because it was so good. but I need to get my job first and save up my money for headshots, an agent, then I can buy crap like new clothes and videos and cds. I can't wait until tomorrow, it is going to be so much fun! I hope that I feel okay. I feel better today but tomorrow I need to be totally healthy. I hope I did one of those things where I got sick at a good time so I didn't miss anything important. This writing takes forever, I have other stuff I need to do to. Oh, well, it's for science. I m bored. my eyes are drying out from looking at the computer screen. when is clay going to get back? I also have some theater homework I need to do. I am so tired, maybe I should just forget the how and go to bed early so I feel good tomorrow. yeah then I could fail all my classes and get kicked out of UT. that would suck. I did nothing today. it was a relaxing though somewhat boring day. but I needed it because I have been sick all weekend. I have been able to start smoking again, but I really should quit sometime soon. I am tired, it's hard to focus. I guess my body has been working over time to kill this damn disease I got. I need to call laila, I miss her. maybe we could all play solarquest. my neck is stiff but I still have 10 minute to write. this takes forever. I wonder when it is due? I heard the 11th but I am not so sure. I wonder what the other assignment is about. I hope it is not like this. , I have a lot to do tonight but I must be in bed by 12. I need all the sleep I can get. I am tired. this is really starting to bore me. what is the point? write down every thought you think. seems creepy. I hope who ever reads this one is laughing and enjoying themselves. some how I doubt it. this is not very funny--it would be though, if I could say it. I hope no one minds all the hundreds of mistakes I made, and if they do, who cares? what are they going to do? put in computer jail? Someone I knew said that all the time. but I can not remember who. I miss Joann. I wonder how she is doing at Sam Houston state. I also miss jena, I really hope I see her before she goes and flies off to Germany. I hope her life is not hard, and I wish here and michael all the best. my ear hurts. four minutes left. I was beginning to feel trapped in time. stuck forever by this computer typing away through all eternity. I am really tired, but I am glad I got this one out of the way. just a couple of minutes left. that woman at the dinner was so weird. and what about her HUGE 2 year old? that was scary, but so is "Walt" so I guess it is okay. Well time has run out and now it is time to go. that took forever. | low | high | high | low | low |
My friends keep me awake until ridiculously late hours, and then are so inconsiderate as to wake me up early in the morning. Today for example, my friend Kevin woke me up around 9 this morning, after keeping me awake until 4 in the morning! I have 4 and a half hours of classes on this day, not to mention a bible study at 7, and I'm supposed to help clean up the Erwin Center for a fund raiser after the Shania Twain concert. I don't think I'm going to do that though, as I really need to catch up on some sleep. At the same time though, I'm also excited to hear from my friend Jaren in Maine. There's really a weird story behind how we met. As most people do nowadays, I was chatting online in one of the chatrooms. This girl was the only one who didn't seem to lie about how pretty she is and how rich she is etc. , so I had a fascination with her from the beginning. She actually sent me the private message first and asked where I was from, what I do for fun, what I look like etc. From that day on, there hasn't been a single day where we haven't written each other. After a few months in fact, we began calling each other on a regular basis, which didn't please my parents at all. hehe. I know her better than her friends do, which really gives me much pleasure. We send each other pictures and we're really open about what we do and stuff. I don't think I've ever kept anything from her, and I know she doesn't keep anything from me because she tells me things that she knows would upset me, but she tells them anyway. Over these last few months, I've grown to love her as a girlfriend. Weird, I know. Well, she feels the same about me and she's planning on visiting for the first time sometime this winter. I even get jealous when she talks about other guys, which is really weird, first of all because we've never met in person, and second of all, because she lives over a 1000 miles away. Talking about her always reminds me of my other friend Christina. There's another funny story behind this relationship as well. She was best friends with one of my good friends, Yoon. Well, Yoon liked this one guy named Young, and they always hung out together. Christina and this guy Brian hung out with them too all the time. Well, Brian started to like Christina and she detests him, so she felt really uncomfortable alone with him. One time, she felt so awkward, that she decided to call me, even thought we'd never met or talked before ever, rather than have to talk to Brian. Yoon gave her my number and told Christina that I was easy to talk to and to get along with. Well, Christina and I ended up talking for over 4 hours that night. Every night since then, we talked on the phone every day for hours at a time. If it wasn't for her, I would've averaged more than 4 hours sleep a day!! I began to grow very fond of her as well. I got incredibly jealous when she dated my best friend Allen. He treated her like crap and that really upset me. They broke up after a month, but because he was best friend, I couldn't ask her out. I wasn't sure what the consequences would have been. She moved to California in early June, and that was probably the most sad I'd ever been in my life. A few months before she left, I decided to tell her how I felt, and to my surprise, she felt the same way about me. That actually depressed me even more, because I passed up the chance to be with the girl I wanted to be with most. Well, things don't always work out the way you want them to. One thing I'm worried about right now has nothing to do with what I've been talking about. Its my car stereo. Many people think I'm weird because I have this fascination with naming my possessions. For example, my car stereo cost over 2200 and I named it Veronica. My tennis rackets have names as well. My favorite racket is called Excalibur. Anyway, I'm famous for my stereo because not only does it sound very nice, but it can shake your house from miles away. hehe. Well, my apartment that I live in isn't in the nicest of neighborhoods, so I've been extra cautious about playing it loud so that people won't know its in there. Last night though, I was showing off to one of my friends and forgot about it. A group of who appeared to be "gang members" walked past my car and everyone of them was staring at my car. I heard stories about how many people got their cars broken into, so I was really scared at that moment. I'm always looking out the window when I hear a noise now. It's getting kind of ridiculous. My roommate warned me about that, but I was too caught up in trying to show off to my friends. I can only hope that it doesn't get stolen. I've got a huge headache right now too. I think it's a combination of several factors. One, is that I haven't gotten any sleep. Another is that I am "kind of" sick right now, feeling a little light headed. Its also very hot in this house. I try to take naps after class, but I had absolutely no time today. But at least I have the weekend to look forward to. My eating habits have been rather unhealthy as well. Too much fast food and going out. Its showing too, around the gut that is! Some people have started calling me "jiggly jay", while others change it up a little and call me "gigolo jay. " I'm not quite sure why they call me Jay either. My name is Jason and I've always gone by Jason. Some things just don't have an explanation I guess. Hope you enjoyed reading this. | low | low | low | high | low |
This comp science lab is pretty nice and I'm kind of confused about what to say or do here. I mean I've been thinking about all this stuff lately and now that I come to write stuff down nothing really comes to mind except filler, you know, the kind of random thoughts you think that don't really mean much at all, I mean look at this thing I'm typing right now! I didn't make the band but that's ok I guess more time for Geology 401 and Matt isn't in it either so its all good. I want to go swing dancing tonight but Jeff isn't there (well and Rob's line is busy so its kind of bunk) cause I take the bus, but it doesn't run as late as I'll be out. Anyway. Um well lets see I guess I'm supposed to be writing about what I'm like thinking and stuff. Actually I'm wondering if anyone will ever read this, so I'm somewhat apprehensive: I've been thinking some pretty damn personal stuff lately so I don't really want to broadcast on the World Wide freaking Web. I also just typed a profanity and replaced it with a euphemism. I guess that's in case someone actually reads this too. Cara. Hehehe that was cryptic, wasn't it?? See I'm kind of giving a vague notion here. I just type what I think. So there you have it. Wow Five minutes and my wrist feels funny. the FAC Typing things. keyboards, I mean. they aren't very ergonomic if you know what I mean and the surface of the desk kind of hurts. Replace Keyboard. Well it looks like Matt is getting into this assignment, too. which is really kind of cool when I think about it. It will be interesting to me to actually go back and read the thing, cause I'm always editing what I write but now I'm just kind of going forward. relax. I don't know let me see well I'm kind of hungry, isn't that like part of the Id? I always heard about that-- you know, along with Superego and stuff hey check it out I just read the instructions while I was typing that line and I didn't even miss any keys. Not bad eh? This is kind of odd for me in another way, too because I'm a Linguistics Major and well see I know most of the stuff they teach in 306 already, but the Professor seems cool enough. No more high school. Ten minutes to go. Living at home is ok. I can take the metro bus. Matt is cracking up. If you read his (That's "Kay, Matthew") you probably shouldn't count it as much cause I can hear him stop typing to re-read what he already wrote and that's not ver continuous, now is it? I hope I have enough money for food this week. $20 has to last me. I hat this space bar it sucks a lot. You have to hit it real no really hard just to make it go. see what I mean?? I hate it when people use adjectives instead of the proper adverbs. How hard is it to put on a little anyway? My generation doesn't care, I guess. She's so smart. In fact she went to Duke when she was a Junior in High School. Damn it I get mad just picturing her somewhere else having fun with someone else. But its cool I don't have to worry. or so I say. how could someone so Awesome be alone for long? No no no. I only see her once a week. It will never work. Okay. well no I'm better. I didn't mean to go all mushy, in fact I'm thinking about going back and deleting that stuff. you know, in the name of science and all. Isn't that weird how I use the second person? As if I actually expect it to enhance readability or something! I guess I'm trying to make this whole thing like a VERY one sided conversation. Click click goes the happy little keyboard. My fedora is on the table. I learned the other day that its a Bush Hat from Australia and not really a fedora but its all good because I still think it looks good. People think I'm funny wearing a fedora all the time, but I don't care. They can just piss off. I get lots of Indiana Jones jokes. Loss. I'm at a loss here. Ever since that paragraph where I talked about her it got all funky and now its happening again. No. I have a striped shirt on that's white and burnt orange but nobody said anything. I guess that's ok but I thought it was really nifty. 20 minutes seems like a long time at first but then I guess when you get to the end of it its not really WELL DAMN Matt is looking at my screen, that bastard. I had to stop typing for a sec to make him look away. I guess he didn't see anything deeply embarrassing. rrHahahah Well times up. I want my cookie. | high | low | high | low | low |
For instance, adjusting to the enormous crowd of students and coping with the overcrowded lecture halls has been extremely difficult. In addition, meeting new friends has also presented another challenge for me because I live off campus. I attempt to meet new people in my classes; however, it seems I haven't established any new friendships yet. However, I will continue my efforts throughout the semester. Furthermore, I have been overwhelmed by the hours of homework I have been assigned each evening. It is a drastic change from my responsibilities in high school. I have made a strong commitment to myself to succeed- no matter the obstacles I encounter. I have dreamed of earning my degree at the University of Texas since I was a small child. As I grew into a young adult, I never let go of my aspiration to attend the University. My unceasing desire motivates me to apply my abilities and employ my talents to surpass all odds. I will accomplish my goals and I will prove to myself and family I can do anything that I put my mind to. When I get discouraged, I refer to the scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. " I know I can succeed at the University of Texas with my sincere desire and strong determination. | low | high | high | high | low |
to tell you the truth I really have now idea what to say. So. I guess the easiest thing to do to make the 20 mins. pass as quickly possible is to tell you all about myself. Where to start??? Well. I was born in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia in the Clinic B Hospital. To my fellow Aramcon's I am also known as a "clinic B Baby. " I am, however, not the slightest bit Saudi even though the experience has had a wonderful and great impact on my life. What brought my parents, Dan and Karen, to Arabia in the 1st place was the huge amount of oil. My father is a geologist and a graduate of UT. My parent's have been visiting me here in Texas and are leaving tomorrow back to Saudi:-( I'm used to the good-byes though so although I am quite sad it is something that I have learned to get used to. I attended a little all girls boarding school in McLean, Va for the past 3 years so I guess my transition went quite a but smoother than that of my fellow Freshmen. Well. I am getting bored of talking about myself so I guess I'll move on to something else. I just returned from UT's caving society meeting. It was BY FAR the most interesting experience of my day. Well. to begin. there were no other UT students from the looks of things excluding the friends that I went with. Instead I ran into a TON of my parents old family friends. My parents met while caving with the UT club in Mexico AGES ago and my uncle TR was the famous old president of the Club ages ago and discovered some huge cave in Mexico. I had know idea what I was getting myself into when I happened to see a little flyer about the meeting and am so excited about caving in the near-by future. This weekend I'm going camping with my sister, Katie, and we're supposed to do some caving while we are there so I'm psyched! Only 2 more day to go! Bye! | high | high | low | high | low |
I can't stand how removed the users are from the control of the system. With internet explorer I can't even get it to work with trumpet Winsock, so if I want to use IE then I have to go down to the computer center and pay them a bunch of money for the UT connect system when I already have trumpet Winsock that has always worked fine in the past. now with Netscape I keep having a completely different problem, there are several times that I go to web pages that I know are there and they aren't for example I tried to go to the pretesting WebPages and I soon as I sent my social security number out over the web, which I'm not especially happy about having to do, it tells me that the document has no data. The same thing has happened before when I try to log on to the Columbia house website. I consider myself a pretty smart person, but I cannot figure out at all what the hell is going on with this stupid then. I know I have to go down to campus and use a computer down there for 45 minutes to do the pretesting. and why the hell is it when you connect to UT and go on the web the connecting is so freaking slow. I swear UT must have some really outdated equipment down there because my download speeds never get over 1 K. that's ridiculous. but this is the way at UT. When you go to a school with 50000 students everything takes a little longer and your chances of having to deal with an idiot are raised considerably. I think I have an especially low tolerance for stupid people. Uneducated is different but there seem to be a lot of people out that that are truly student I think, and they frustrate the hell out of me. It's not that I'm a genius of something, but there are some real idiots out there. There is this girl in my engineering economics class that sits up in the front and will ask questions that make no freaking sense at all. How in the hell does someone get to be an upper division engineering major and be so stupid. obviously it happens through, although most of the really stupid people that I have to deal with come from working at Wal-Mart. I guess that's my own fault, it's not like I should expect anything else. When I was a CSM we would have some cashiers that I have not idea at all how they got hired. I think personnel hires anyone with a pulse sometimes, I mean if the person sitting across the table from you just has this completely blank look on their face, that's a good sign that you shouldn't hire them. Another thing that bugs me are all the stupid laws regarding alcohol in this country. I mean either it should be legal or it should, but alcohol seems to be the only think that is legal to some of the adults and only part of the time. I mean were are talking about adults, some of them may not be especially bright but they still are adults. if 18 is good enough for every thing else then it should be good enough for alcohol. you can get married, go to jail, go to war, own property, get a gun, hell anything that any other adult does except drink. seems pretty backwards to me. something else that is freaking stupid and at the very least unfair is the way that car insurance companies can completely screw over guys. when a girl turns 21 she gets a good rate, but a guy has to wait until he is 25, hello but most of the really awful drivers that I have ever been around are women, they are the ones that pay no attention at all to what is going on around them. but since older people control the laws etceteras the younger people are going to continue to get screwed over, I think they should make people over 60 pay the same rates as 18 year olds, that would be funny. oh well out of time, it's been real | low | low | low | low | low |
that is what I think about a lot right now. having finished highschool, I was mentally done. I had had enough of intensive studying. I forgot however that I still had to college. the other thing I also think about a lot is the fact that I wish I was in the east coast studying. I wanted an out of state experience. but unfortunately could not get it. n. e. ways. right now I am also thinking of my first paper. I think it will be easy. but the fact remains that I have to do it. I can do papers once in a while. but if it ends up being every week or even every other week. I am going to have some serious problems. I already am having trouble reading. there is just too much to read and I am used to not having to read. in highschool, if you paid attention in class then you don't need to read. in college. paying attention in class usually doesn't matter. some teachers teach different things. but the crux of the info remains in the book. there will never be enough class time to teach everything in the book . so you have to read in order to teach yourself. I went to Chicago this weekend. the last attempt to extend my vacation as much as I could. now on I keep telling myself that I need to start buckling up. but Chicago was awesome. I met all my friends I met when I went to a camp in D. C. during the summer. it was cool seeing them all again. and making sure we keep in touch. I don't know if we'll keep in touch though. a lot of them live far. Chicago. new York. its hard maintaining friends here at UT let alone 1000 miles away. UT is pretty fun although. no matter where i8 am I can have fun. its just that I wasn't wanting this as my experience. since I have to take it I will make the most of it, but I know there could be better. plus. Austin is almost like an extension from Houston. and one of my goals was to get away from Houston. to get away from the same people. to get away from a bunch of social crap. the incredible thing is the fact at how awesome some of the girls are. I'm already having fun here. four days into school and I got a lot of fun!! I guess this is different than the type of girls I hung out in Houston. most of them were pretty traditional. here its really easy to get to know some girls who like to play around but are also pretty cool people. not the skanky or ho type. just cool girls who like physical fun. oh well. I'm getting pretty tired of expressing my stream of consciousness. plus I've been typing for about 20 minutes any ways. . so if anyone is really reading this. I'll see you later | high | low | high | low | high |
Although, I constantly advocate to my friends that one should make the best of everything, I failed to do so. Recently, I have noticed a drastic change in my life. Prior to the major transition of my life (college), I used to constantly worry. worry. worry. Although I still worry, I have learned to view life from another perspective. Each and every minute I must be productive, but no longer is my school work the only "productive" thing in my life. I realized that simply chatting with some friends or relaxing can result into a more elaborate learning experience then simply books. For instance, I was watching a movie last night (something I rarely do because I feel I am not being productive) that enhanced my knowledge of the world around me. Very few movies make me think long after I finished watching the movie, but this one did. The overall design and structure of the movie was not to great, but the plot behind the movie sparked some circuits and made me question particular aspects of life. All in all, I am trying to stress that I am still learning regardless of what I do. This certain attitude towards life has allowed me to be open-minded and not as stressed out as usual. Today, I have several things to do. My priority list is very long, but I am limited with time. It seems the more I think about how much I have to do, the less time I have to do it. I have two tests next week. Chemistry and Calculus, respectively. My weekend is going to be centered around studying for those two tests. Hopefully, my mind will allow me to concentrate on those two tests and only those two tests. Austin, or rather UT, is a very convenient campus. Opposed to my hometown, UT allows me to travel many places on foot or even by bus. This form of transportation is very tempting! I just bought a laptop which I am very excited about. I felt rushed when I bought it, but it is too late now. I still have to buy a PC card for it so I can access the internet from my dorm. I want to designate a weekend to upgrading and buying software for my computer, but I have so many things on my mind. By the time I get around to doing so, a whole new line of computers will be on the market!!! My life is busy, hectic, stressful, etc. But, I enjoy it! I am confused on what organizations I should join here at UT. I am used to being a part of and active in nearly everything I am offered. Here at UT, I am unaware of everything they have to offer and therefore, not a participant in everything I want to join. I hope that I will gradually reach the peak I was at in high school. I am sure I will. I was unaware of my surroundings a minute ago and this man was asking me a question. whoops. I believe I have reached my goal now, after reading the assignment nearly 20 times. | high | high | high | low | low |
I don't know why. I guess I shouldn't be confused since this assignment is really easy. A sensation I'm felling at this moment is a tingling sensation in my foot since it is asleep. I'm starting to get a little pumped up now because I'm listening to a Beastie Boys song right now and I really like it. I really want to start dancing. I really love to dance and I'm feeling a little angry at myself because I had chance to go out with my friends tonight but I turned the opportunity down because I have to get up at 9:00am tomorrow because of a class. 9 might not seem early but it is for me since I haven't been getting up until 2:00pm. My hand is starting to hurt now because of the angle I'm holding it to type this paper and it hasn't even been that long. I'm already starting to get tired of this assignment. I feel like I'm going to go to sleep, rrahhh now I have a very irritating itch,. Anyway now that my itch is relieved. As I was saying, I feel tired, it could be this assignment is boring me, or it could be that my contacts are bothering me. , Actually I'm sure it is my eyes, they really are irritating me. I also feel a little upset because I know I have a couple of spelling errors and punctuation wrong, I hate it when that happens. My foot is now falling asleep, I guess I should change my seating position, but I'm comfortable. I'm just relieved that I can do this writing assignment in the comfort of my room, in my own apartment. I'm glad I'm not in the dorms or at some computer lab. I'm getting excited now because a great song just came on TV. I'm watching a tape of old 80s videos and I love this song. It's great to see the old videos again. My hair is bothering me, it keeps falling onto my ear. I just realized that I really get bothered a lot. Rrahhh, my knee is cramped so I finally moved. I wonder how my friends are doing. Are they having fun or is one irritating the other? I guess I'll find out later. Hip to be square. Sorry the song is on and had to type it on and sing along. . just pling along with the music. Hey, another typo, what do you know. rrahhhhhhhh I've got about three minutes left to type. At least I'll have it over with. I wish I could do number 2 afterwards. I've got to get everything done soon cause I waited till the last minute all last year and my grades suffered, so I'm trying to get it all done early this semester. I feel at a loss for words now, I keep going through the same emotion, sensations, and feelings. My leg will itch, but mainly I just want to start jamming to the music. Alright I'm just about done, and have got a sense of accomplishment. I don't know how long this is but it seemed like it was forever, hey Conan is on, I guess I'll cut this off, I've done the time. | low | low | low | low | low |
Ok I'm thinking about old school Nintendo man those were the days, my friend Ryan had a lot more game than I did but I did not meet him till 8th grade and until then I though I had a lot of games, which I guess is saying your happy with what you got till some on else gets more than you and then jealousy sets in but id like to think I've grown somewhat sense then . I remember a science tech class I used to take in 8th grade. all years go back to 1988 almost everything has some tie in my mind to 1988 I don't know why and It pops up o very often. It's Like velma from scooby do all cartoons go back to Velma, I guess you'd have to see Cartoon network to understand it, m thinking of my mom It's odd but I sometimes worry that she worries too much about me, she was really overprotective but very loving, and now I still have feelings like hatred for being held back by her over protectiveness. SO whenever we are together I try to make sure she doesn't think I turned out goo because some how I still feel a grudge against her methods and think I missed out too much when I was little. nnnnnnnnnnnn captain N that was a cool cartoon. hmmm I wonder I caryn is around or Selena they are kind of friends of my best friend so It kind of awkward but I think they really like me more than I deserve because Ryan always says things to them about me and well I'd like to get to know them better but It awkward because he was friends with them first . I reorganized my room this ear it pretty cool. Something you just don't turn in for a grade even if you think it wont be read but just let it be known I'm thinking f those things. well enough of that what is on my mind. the lawnmower man. that doctor guy who look like a gu from that x-files rip off kieger or something. the At tem a crack force of firearms specialist design to heighten an experience, if I can't even understand now that was true stream of conscience I lost complete control let me try again, Hotdogs, mustard, ice cream, maybe I'm hungry, barbecue chips, why the hell did I just think of feminine hygiene product , milk ducts, cows, chickened, crunch, superheroes, dad comics, pride, going monkey zoo hen turkey target where I work love in the zoo with oink hungry I ran and bombings in Libya contra scandal the e president a cool president I like if only to be rebellious and also the Kennedy's stereotypical drinkers which I will be partaking in he festivities to night but you know that's ok I guess I finally got that damned questionnaire filled out after I thought it had not saved because it read 0% when I logged in again but I guess I was just being an ass. I don't like it when I'm ignored I know I act stupid and say silly things a lot but oh well that guy Joe next door is doing something Damn I think I really want a girlfriend again it really sucks not being able to act straight around girls I just have to stop being shy and be suave but less rryohoyoho a pirates life for me and al I can say is that the future is looking bright and I've got to got rrahhh rrahhh run away tommyboy is a really good movie despite what people might say I think it s really funny at a lot of parts well looks like my time is running up so I ill go tell no one or else I will probably be embarrassed. | low | low | low | high | low |
I have a paper to start writing for English, and I'm dreading it because it will be very hard. It's about the short story "A Room of One's Own" by Virginia Woolf. In that story she also wrote in sream of conciousness so that is kind of weird. I really do not like the book at all. It's incredibly boring. It takes a feminist standpoint of women writers, and since I am not a feminist and only took that class because it was all that was open (I wonder why),I cannot relate to the anger Woolf seemed to have about there not being many women writers. Now, I am trying to figure out exactly what else to write about in this paper. It is really hard for me. I did the other assignment first because I found it much easier to do then this one. I don't completely understand exactly what I am supposed to be writing about, but we did stream of consciousness in my AP English class last year, and I think that it's all about writing exactly what the thoughts are that come into your head as they come into your head. My geography class is awful. the teacher is so boring. I've almost fallen asleep every time I go into that classroom. I decided to sit closer today to try and pay closer attention to what he's saying. I wonder if it's just a myth that the closer you sit the more you pay attention. Maybe that could be a psychologiacal survey we do- if one has not already been done on that. Now, I have again drawn a blank in what to say. it's so much easier to think when you don't have the pressure of having to write it down. I think my fried Alison is mad at me. She goes to A&M, and I had to write her an email about A&M's unfortunate loss to FSU yesterday. It's not like she hasn't made fun of UT. I feel like I'm back in Jr. high! Alison and I have been friends forever- actually only since 9th grade but it sure feels like forever. I miss my friends at home. I feel like we've gotten so distant from each other and it's only been a week since I left. I talked to my friend Ann last night, and she was distant to me also. We just didn't have much to say, our lives are completely different from each others now. It's so weird how much people change from each other when you change their surroundings. I guess we were so much alike because we were constantly together. that could have a big effect on things, huh? I wonder how long my friendships with people will last. The only one that seems to be maintaining right now is with someone that I wasn't even very close to this year- it's so odd to me how that happens. This twenty minutes sure is taking a long time to end! I have to go put some money in the bank today. Actually I have a ton of errands to run today, but I need to finish my homework first. I still have a lot of pages to read in "A Room of One's Own" even though it was supposed to be read by today. Oops! Then I have that awful paper to write over it. I mean who really cares about Mary Carmichael, Mary Beton, and Mary Seton? I don't even know how to start writing it, I don't even completely know what I'm supposed to write about. Well, it's been twenty minutes and my thoughts are becoming jumbled so I'm going to stop writing now. | low | low | high | low | high |
I just sent him an email message. actually, we are having , well not really problems, it is just hard because of the distance. It makes me feel like maybe I made the wrong decision by coming all the way here. I didn't really have a good reason, other than I knew I wanted to go out of state and this is a really good business school. Everyone asks why I came here. I'm sick of explaining it. I wish there were more out of state students here. I was really homesick the other day I just couldn't wait until thanksgiving. I couldn't sleep at all. Hmmm. that's just what we talked about in class today. Whether people would sleep longer if they were sad, or f they would have trouble sleeping. I just felt terrible. It was the first time I'd ever been that homesick. However, I've never really been this far away from home before, and for this amount of time. I wonder if all these papers are going to be approximately the same length, or if people who type slower will have really short papers. It's only been like 5 minutes so far. I wish I typed slower. We had to do some kind of journal similar to this in My freshman English Class. We would give them names and everyday, we had to write for ten minutes about whatever first came into our heads. Back then I thought what a waste of time, but now I wish all our assignments were like this. It's great mot having to think of making sure all the sentences are in the right tense or I am using works correctly. I'm not in my room right now. I'm borrowing the computer ozone of my neighbors. and his suitemate just walked in with dinner. It smells really good. Now I'm hungry. I tried reading the first chapter in my psychology book over the weekend. I don't know, I just get so discouraged because I have a really short attention span especially when not reading "Reader friendly material" I just can't concentrate on it. I've tried lots of methods, like taking notes and speaking it aloud while I'm reading it and all sorts of stuff. It just doesn't seem to work. Don't get me wrong, I think this will be my favorite class this year, It is just hard to digest. I'm glad I didn't take Psychology in High School. Supposedly, the teacher was really hard and the class was pretty useless. Instead, I took all hard classes. That's why I'm here. Because I was one of the 69 out of state students who were accepted into the school of business administration. I feel bad telling people that though. It makes me feel stuck-up. I don't want to be stuck up. I know too many people who are and I see others talking behind their backs. I really don't want that to ever happen. Actually, I'm pretty happy with myself the way it is (or was in Illinois) I had a lot of really close friendships that I left behind. Some are still kind-of open ended, I didn't get to say goodbye, and other things like that. I made my plane tickets today. I get to leave on Tuesday to go home for thanksgiving, and on the 12th for christmas. I can't wait. I want to see how everyone has changed, and I guess, hope that they didn't change too much. Some I was worried about because they like to take things as they come into play and don't really think about how it might affect them in the future. I just want them to be safe. Tim just asked if I wanted any of his soup. I guess that is what he got for dinner. He's nice. actually all the guys next door are nice. My roommate however will take some getting used to. She is Muslim and I'm Christian. We kind of clash with religious opinions. Well, I guess I'm done now! | high | high | high | high | high |
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