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addiction | Masterbation I have a serious masterbation addiction and I need to stop before my dick stops working. I’m 27 and I master but at least once a day and at times twice |
addiction | Gambling I have a gambling addiction that my family doesn't know about. No one does. This will be my first month not having money to pay rent or my car bills. Not sure what i am going to do but i have 12 days to figure something out. I really messed up this time, but i hope i can dig myself out this one last time before its too late |
addiction | Help I need some help. My brother is a pain killer addicts amongst other things. He is clearly an addict. If nothing changes he will die. This week he either overdosed or had a major withdrawal reaction. He blatantly lies and says he doesn't have a problem. He had to be taken by ambulance and nearly died on Monday. I'm going to visit him butI al not sure how to help him when he won't admit to the problem. He was forced into a in patient treatment program this week but is free to go in 2 days. What can I possibly say it do to help him? |
addiction | Television Project Hello, I am an assistant for a television writer based in Los Angeles who is interested in having a conversation with a recovering addict for a project they are doing. They are interested in getting a more personal, more realistic account of what living as a recovering addict is like so that they can avoid the many cliches of Hollywood and television's portrayal of addicts. It would of course be kept completely anonymous. No names or likeness of would ever be used in a script or a show/film. My boss completely understands the complexity of this request. He just wants to have a conversation with a real person, so that he can ensure that the characters and the situations he is writing are realistic and in no way demean addicts or portray them in a stereotypical and/or negative light.
Thank you all for your help with this, if it's at all possible, in pointing me in the right direction. I of course completely understand if it is not. |
addiction | What is this stuff on top of the needle cap? Was it melted? Tried uploading a picture but this sub and a few others I tried don't allow images. I found a small orange cap for needles but it looks like it was maybe melted on top? Is that just how it looks when someone is heating everything up for heroin use? If this is the wrong sub sorry |
addiction | Ephedra and kratom Appreciate any accurate advice that can be offered for quitting daily ephedra / kratom use. I’m very familiar with kratom withdrawal, but not so much ephedra withdrawal. This is my first ephedra use period. No stimulant use before that except coffee. Kratom has some stimulant activity, but it’s not very strong compared to even coffee. Not sure it really makes a difference in your responses, but the ephedra is in the form of 25 mg yellow bullet capsules.
I’ve been combining ephedra in the form of 25-50 mg of ephedra combined with 12-14 g of kratom to create a stronger kratom related euphoria. Usually one dose of 50 mg a day and 2 doses of 25 mg a day. I’ve been using kratom for 5 years at 45 g a day for last 6 months. I’ve been using ephedra for 75-100 mg a day for last 3 weeks, combined with the kratom and a big mug of coffee. Coffee is always necessary when taking kratom for a decent reaction; otherwise, kratom use does little due to tolerance levels (been using the store low quality stuff during this time). Combining coffee with ephedra is probably not advised, but no real problems yet, except for a few side effects described below.
I have read online be the dangers of ephedra withdrawal, but am wondering if this has been enough time to become physically dependent on it and is it potentially dangerous to quit at home. I’ve withdrawn from kratom enough times to know it is not so dangerous to quit at home, just hard psychologically and physically.
Can anyone give me their thoughts on ephedra quit? I’ve noticed that sometimes during ephedra doses, I get a sharp headache on right side, just for a few moments. I’ve also been getting quite sleepy on some days in the afternoon between lunch and dinner doses. Paranoia and anxiety has been increasing, but I don’t know if this can be attributed to ephedra because kratom abuse eventually leads to the same issues. I’ve been able to sleep ok by taking some sleep aids and clonidine before bed.
I want to stop using it *immediately* if it is not going to be life threatening. I am afraid of permanent damage caused by ephedra. If I can quit at home and tapering is recommended, what is a good way to taper off 100 mg of daily ephedra use. Maybe drop 25 mg every few days? I have little idea how to taper it. I want to quit at home because going into rehab is not something I can do at this time. Been in rehab 3 x before in last 2 years and cannot afford to lose my job. I am out of fmla coverage for the year. For this reason, quits will be at home. I have an important high paying job and a wife to support.
Thanks for your help. I need to drop substance abuse. It’s causing a lot of issues in my life. |
addiction | Is it possible to diagnose schizophrenia with someone that hasn't stopped using meth? My 29 year old step-son was diagnosed with schizophrenia before he had completely stopped using meth, he still using meth now.
Is that even possible to diagnose??
|
addiction | Rehab for RC benzo addiction, any experiences? So, after talking with my psychiatrist today about my research chemical benzodiazepine addiction (addicted to clonazolam specifically), he suggested I should go to an intensive inpatient program for detox and rehab. Has anyone here been to rehab for using RC benzos, or even just benzos themselves? What was the experience like? More specifically, what was the detox period like? Also for those that were employed when they went to rehab, what did your employer think? What I'm afraid of the most is losing my job to go to rehab, I literally cannot afford to lose my job and look for another. I want to go to rehab, I want off this stuff, but the potential repercussions have me apprehensive about doing so.
I've come off of traditional benzos before, but it took a grueling 6 months to do so. This inpatient program my psychiatrist is suggesting is only 28 days. I'm afraid of ending up like so many of the horror stories of people that came off benzos too quickly.
On a related note, I finally told my family about my addiction. It went better than expected and they're supportive of me, maybe not my decisions, but definitely me, the person. It felt good to finally get it off my chest and to stop hiding it from them. |
addiction | What happens to celebrities after they talk about their drug habits openly? This is a question I've always had but I still don't know the answer. I was randomly watching an interview of one of my favorite musicians, and he was talking about his heroin addiction. This is not the first time I hear a famous person talk about their drug use, and I've been wondering...what happens to them after they admit they've been doing drugs? I've always imagined that they are being charged for drug possession and the police is going to search their house for any drug supplies that they might be hiding and confiscate everything they find. Is this true? Or does no one care? |
addiction | Steps to break a cycle TL;DR- We would like to know how to break a cycle of addictive personality tendencies, we only have one regret in life- n thats the amount of people we have hurt. We cant change the past, but we can somehow change the present.
Hi all, made a post last night and someone gave me some insight into what i asked, and i thank them.
I am here again because I would like to fix whats left of me. Now we are not going to pour this story out as its not worth the text wall. I have an addictive personality, switching from one thing to the next. I/we have planted Ideas in are mind via confirmation bias that cause us to go into the patterns of self destruction.
Due to my age, I dont have excuses, and pity is for those that deserve it, So I am just wondering where can one start to derail an addictive personality. |
addiction | Someone please be proud of me 6 days alcohol free, 2 days self harm free, 1 day mdma free
I know it’s not a lot.. but this is more effort than I’ve put in anything in months |
addiction | does anyone know why this could be happening? okay, so, ive recently slipped back into a bout of my eating disorder on top of daily, with an exception here or there, use of kpins. so on those exception days, where im sober, i still feel really high sometimes and im not sure why. and i know it’s not still being high from the day prior or something, i don’t like binge eat kpins at night. it’s just weird, like, it feel super floaty and distant sometimes and not remember a lot of things and ill be completely sober. not sure if anyone else has experienced this or not and could maybe explain why this is ? |
addiction | Struggling with caffeine addiction I am a musician and writer and over the years I have developed a dependency on caffeine, very specifically - Red Bull, when composing music or writing.
I want to kick this habit but somehow my brain has so gravely associated Red Bull with productivity, that I get into a panic state by even the thought of bringing a compulsion into my life; especially one which could hamper with my creativity.
Psychologically speaking, my creative flow is directly associated with freedom and peace of mind: meaning I can only be optimistic and enthusiastic towards doing something if I have almost no restrictions in my life (sleep routine, responsibilities, eating well and etc).
The problem occurs when I try to balance the two things, being optimistic and disciplined. I want to live a healthy and creative life but don't want either to be exclusive and this creates a major hinderance in my overall productivity because I can either be A or I can either be B.
I have decided from today onwards to try and break out of this loop but I really could use your help. If you guys have any suggestions, please do let me know!
Thank you! |
addiction | Struggling with addiction and depression Its tough to kick, and I think im a tough minded guy, apparently not. I got a good job, but live in an area that's run down with drugs and well not much to do. Im new to this area so I don't have many friends here, and the ones I do have is a negative influence.
Im too embarrassed to ask family for help, any suggestions? |
addiction | I was 8 when I started opiates.How old did you start your addiction and how did it progress? I know this sounds like bullshit but most of my immediate family are addicts. I stayed with grandma who was an opiate addict. She would snort, parachute, filter, pop her hydros/oxys/percs/etc etc in front of us and would nod off frequently. One day when I was 8 I stole some of her pills she had out. But I was too scared to swallow them at the time so I took a hammer (lmfao) and smushed them in the garage to snort. It was very unhygenic and I ended not really getting high but sick. I kept using her pills to high off of anyways because I wanted the same happy effect she got. Sometimes if she left a pile of crushed pills behind I'd finish it. By middle school I knew how to filter my pills. I also parachuted them alot. By the time I was a freshman I was sipping cough syrup (and I got the codeine or codeine/prometh from family that had a script for it so it was real lean). I tried really hard not to do anything worse than morphine but at 18 I finally caved and started smoking tar. I quit a couple months ago when I wanted to start snorting China bc smoking h wasnt getting me high no more (Im 20 btw).
SOOOooooo.. What age y'all started your addictions? And how did it progress? Etc etc. I struggled with other substances but opiates are especially a weakness for me. |
addiction | Brother Asked for money, any advice? This is tough and I wasn’t sure who to ask. My brother was recently arrested for crystal meth and given parole so I am told. He keeps getting robbed, losing money, in wrecks, so forth and so on. I don’t live in the same city.
After 3yrs of not being in touch with him he contacted me and asked for money. He says he has a job lined up. I’ve heard this before.
I am glad to know that he’s still alive having not gotten so much as a text or online message in such a long time.
I made a decision a long time ago that I could not get emotionally invested in his challenges. I do want him to get better, but I don’t think money will ultimately help.
I sent him a little money, enough for some food and gas. Should that be the end of it?
I definitely can’t afford a rehab center nor do I think he wants to go into one. |
addiction | Help me with my weed problem Dear readers,
Lately I've been really struggling with a ongoing weed problem and hopefully you can help me with it with viewing it from a different perpective. Hopefully someone could advise me on this matter. This is quite emotionly loaded for I've never shared this struggle with anyone yet. Sorry for potential grammar or spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.
I'm 17 years and I live in the Netherlands, in Amsterdam. At the moment I'm in highschool and this year I'm graduading. I smoke weed (almost) everyday and I'm struggling to recognize it as a problem. Smoking weed at a age where your brain is still developing is bad ofcourse but I'm more worried about the social drawbacks of smoking weed. I have a hard time as accepting it as a problem in my life because I have a well paying job and a vivid social life and I'm oing great in school. Next year I even will be attending one of the best Lawschools in Europe. From my perpective it doesn't seem like a problem because of my bright looking future. My parents see it as a problem though. They know that I smoke weed but allow it if I smoke 1-2 times a week.
Alot of my social contacts smoke weed with me but sometimes I even resort to smoking alone. I'm apart of different friendgroups and my friends that I keep in high regard keep telling me that I should lessen my smoking habits. But I'm afraid of losing contact with these the friends I smoke weed with if I start smoking less. I sometimes feel like that I'm dependent of this THC-plant.
I was wondering if I should change my smoking habits and I hope that someone could advise me on this matter from a different perpective. If you read this to the end, thank you for taking the time for reading.
|
addiction | Struggling with alcohol been five days and looking for help Not easy to post on this. I've been struggling with taking shots at work and its been progressively worse over time. I feel it helps me deal with my troubles I can handle it.
Short story told I couldn't.
I'm looking for advice. 5 days has been hard but I'm looking at long term. |
addiction | Need to get off coke, E and alcohol. I’ve ruined relationships. Need help ASAP So erm yeah, title is pretty much self explanatory. I go out every other week and literally binge and start arguments/fights with people close to me. Now hey don’t want anything to do with me. I feel so miserable as well. I tried going cold turkey and surprisingly lasted 50 days. My current streak is 3 days. Need tips and advice on how to quit |
addiction | 72 hours clean, next target: 21 days They say first 3 days are the hardest, the first two were easy, the third day was very difficult. The forth day: i'm getting very emotional about everything, the smallest things in life, maybe it's a withdrawal thing.
Next target: 21 days, because i read somewhere it takes 21 days to develop a habit. Aiming to develop some healthy habits.
Stay strong everyone. And remember, no matter how small, progress is progress |
addiction | Mental Addiction to Marijuana It first started out as a really great addition to my life. Now, I've been smoking non-stop for four years where I smoke about 4-5 grams a day. I decided to quit yesterday and I'm trying not to smoke it. Never really knew how mentally addictive marijuana could be until I was so far into it.
Just thought I would share. |
addiction | How can I turn knowledge into action? I need help but stuck. Hi everyone, my first ever post on here.
I've been suffering from mood issues since I can remember, I had a difficult upbringing like many others, diagnosed with adult ADHD which explained a lot. Started using marijuana and booze when I was a teen, lead to the piece of shit love of my life, 'dancing powder' 'white liquor' 'rich people crack'
I went to rehab for a short stint a couple years ago, managed to not do it for 9 months but relapsed on alcohol after 5. I was using it 1/4 the amount then (once a weekend to four times a week)
as now (functioning, mostly working somehow, keeping up a brave front). I keep trying to go back to AA but something stops me every time. I studied psych and myself and many friends have gone through recovery programs and learnt a lot about addiction, but knowledge is shit without action and all my friends/fellow addicts i was close to that tried to think their way out of their addictions are dead...
18 of us were in my section of the treatment center that year... 11 left
I don't want to join them,
I have a girlfriend who loves me, a great job, lots to live for but once I set my mind to using it all slips away and I get pure tunnel vision. Nothing can stop me it seems.
It is ruining my life. I thought I'd see if anyone has suggestions about going back into Recovery after a lengthly relapse, as I don't think i'll have my sanity or the love of my life every day.
I play the tape through again and again when I'm craving and no matter how many times i try to remember the come-down instead of the high I just submit.
I don't want to be dead, alone, insane, or all of the above.
If anyone has any tips on AA alternatives or ways to get around the mental block or anxiety keeping me from starting up again... Id love to hear them.
I. Need. Help.
I. Am. Not. Okay.
But I KNOW
I AM NOT ALONE.
|
addiction | Having a horrible night I’ve been trying to get better but i’m only getting worse. I’m only 20 but i still have no idea what i wanna do with my life. I know I need to stop doing drugs but it’s so hard to stop. i pushed everyone away and have no one close now and my mom, who i live with, knows about my drug use but doesn’t help me in quitting. I know it’s up to me to stop, but i wish she’d help me take the first step. I’m scared of what the future holds because no one supports me in helping me stop and it’s so hard doing it by myself. I used to have such a bright future and now i’m 20 and running out of time. subconsciously, I won’t let anyone get close to me, but i want steady friendships and a healthy relationship once again. I don’t know what to do. |
addiction | point of discussion...addiction... what is it? why? i'm going to start off on the first comment |
addiction | i’ve been clean off and on for a year, but i’m having a hard time lately i don’t know where else to talk about this, my only friend is probably getting fed up with my self destructive behavior.
as i said in the title, i’ve been clean off and on for almost a year, it was mostly alcohol where i was drinking to a point of blackout every other day, then i started to do inhalants and i couldnt function without them, but my i started to take whatever people offered me without even knowing what it was. the past few months i’ve been struggling with staying sober, i just miss the feeling of avoiding my issues, not being able to focus on the shit happening all i focused on was what my next drink would be.
does anybody else struggle with these feelings? i don’t have much of a support system and the people who say they support me tend to just call me an idiot or make my past addictions the butt of the joke. |
addiction | Addiction & Parenting ...warning: some real talk
No parent should ever say, "...no one understands what I went through growing up; my reasoning for addiction runs deep." In fact, the heartache and humility from your sad childhood should've made you realize that it's not a path you should take raising your own kids! Don't rob another child of their childhood just because you can't get over your own...break the cycle! :)
...rant over |
addiction | Share Your Dating Experiences For A Published Story On Addiction And Dating Hi everyone,
I'm a reporter commissioned to do a piece on dating while in recovery. I would like to highlight some of the challenges that may face a newly sober person when they try to put themselves "out there" again. Is the "wait 1-year rule" really a thing? (i've been told otherwise. Also, I'm curious to talk to a recovering addict who has been in a relationship for a while now, and what works for them. Also, addiction counselors offering insight is great too!
Thank you! |
addiction | Please help My older brother of 38 years old is addicted to coke I don't know what to do my family doesn't know and he's been acting paranoid and it's messing with all of us like by the way he acts what should we do? |
addiction | My caffeine addiction history I just need to write about my problem somewhere. I've had multiple chronic diseases in my youth and while growing up, constant inflammation, steroids and bad blood levels made me constantly tired. I started going to the gym when I was around 14-15 years old, I was still very very tired. I found out about Pre workouts from a friends. They made my life alot better at that time, gave me energy to focus on school and going to the gym. But that was also a problem since I associated it with going to the gym since I took around 300 mg caffeine 5-6 times a week. I drank PWOs/energy drinks, high dosages of caffeine for years without break because of this.
Cut to now, sort of. I've experienced alot of anxiety last couple of years and I never really associated it with the caffeine but some things started to clear up recently. I had this allergy in my esopagus and I thought that the energy drinks helped my condition, but in really it most likely made it worse, but they gave me energy when I was having episodes, rougly 2 times a week.
A year ago I had surgery for some problem in my colon, I still drank like 500s mgs of caffeine daily, I tried to stop but it wasn't until after the surgery I realized that I needed to stop it due to it being bad for my stomach. So I went cold turkey for a couple of months. It was easy because I laid in bed for months on end and nothing that I needed to do. At the summer I thought, ehm, what the heck I will drink one bad boy. Poof I from that day started drinking 1 can a day and slowly increased the dosage as time went on.
In the autum I moved back to my university city, I then was a year after everyone else and was really lonely because I didn't stay in touch with people. And I still drank my energy drinks. I drank more and more and more. Because they sort of soothed my lonliness by quick rewards. Untill one day, I had the worst panic attack ever, it stayed on for weeks. I first didn't know what the problem was but after a while I realized that it was associated with me drinking theese energy drinks. Ok I stopped everything, accepted that it was ok to be tired and started drinking tea. That didn't help the problem that much either. Hearth palpations and irregular heart beat, I went and did EKG's and everything. The only thing I could think of that caused the problem was the caffeine. It got better and after a while my body started to get better.
In December during exam times, I yet again thought, ehm what the heck! One can not hurt, poof poof poof, and I was drinking 2-3 cans a day. They weren't so bad at the start and I didn't get any extreme irregual heart beat. I also started to meet this girl, I got alot of nervousness and anxiety before meeting her. But I actually got worse, bad at conversations, more "jittery", I started to shake when it got cold. The energy drinks made me worse. Cut to a couple of weeks in, and she didn't want to see me anymore. I know that it was the energy drinks that had made me into a strange and worse person then I was before, caffeine free. After she didn't want to see me, I got so depressed and had alot of anxiety. I don't think that it was so much because of that I missed her, it was the energy drinks which made me that way and amplified the problem. So I stopped drinking them, poof, I had extreme withdrawl my anxiety got worse I went for candy and I started drinking green tea again (Not realizing at the time that it had lots of caffeine in them, 4-5 cups a day). I still got a lot of anxiety, thinking about everything. 6 weeks later (sort of now) I have gone into an elimination diet to try to fix my allergy which I have had for the last 4 years. I started of drinking green tea, with an extremly restrictive diet. I still had anxiety daily, jumpy mood, almost bipolar. After no real improvment on the allergy so I descided (a week ago) that I would try remove green tea. 3 days in, oh my lord my head, it hurts, and I just want to lay in bed all day. I didn't realize that it was caffeine in that shit. I had so much withrawl and I got an insane crawing for energy drinks, cokes or whatever. Guess what? I caved in. Looking back, my anxiety is strongly related to my caffeine intake and I made my addiciton worse when associating it with well being when I was extremly ill. I'm now sipping on an energy drink and already feeling extremly anxious when I'm about the meet a couple of friends in 3 hours. I bought it togehter when caffeine free tea, so I can drink something similar when I have crawings. I plan on this being the last day that I drink caffeine. Because it's ruining who I am. |
addiction | I found my daughter overdosing One week ago I found my baby girl overdosing in her room. She is 17. Her mother and I are separated and live in states many miles apart. I have full custody. My daughter recently broke away from a VERY abusive relationship of 3 years. He hit her, he emotionally abused her, he convinced her I sexually abused her, he had her thinking he was some super powerful unbeatable bad ass. He is 6 foot 155 fucking pounds of bitch. He constantly cheated on her. He forced her to take drugs. I mean literally forced pills into her mouth. And this is just what I know.
Her mother/my ex wife was a pill and coke addict. She eventually kicked that. She cheated on me many times and had an affair with my nephew who I was very close to, throughout our entire marriage. I was devastated when I found out and that was the anvil that broke my back. I fell into a deep depression. I was blind to what my daughter was witnessing. My daughter once saw my ex wife's father raping her. Maybe more? I just know of the one time which I found out after the FIRST time my daughter overdosed trying to get her abusive bf's attention. I'm sorry I'm going all over the place with this shit. I Just need to get this out. So back to a week ago. She has a new bf. He seems like a druggy to me. Nice kid, but definitely off. She finds out that her ex asshole bf was telling things about her that wasn't true. BTW, she has an order of protection against him and is going to court next week to testify that he assaulted her a few months back. I guess the straw for her was that last assault. He wouldn't let her leave the house and attacked her when she did. His mother covered for him..AGAIN. CUNT. So here he is spreading false info about her to her friends and people she knows. Making shit up about her. She got very upset. Her current bf came over and at 11pm he had to go because my GF had work in the morning. I was off. I let her hang outside a little while longer while I played video games in the living room. about midnight she came in stomping up the stairs. I thought she was just trying to piss my GF off. Turns out she was falling up the stairs. About 1 am I hear some weird noises. I don't how I heard anything. I can't hear someone talking right next to me with my Turtle Beach's(headset) on. I took one ear off and listened. The sound stopped. As I was putting the headset back I heard it again. I got up and listened at the steps. I thought it was the cat with a hairball or something. I heard it again. I went up the steps and knocked on her door and called her name. No answer. I opened the door and saw her on her bed, eyes rolled back making a horrible squeaking sound. I thought maybe she was sleeping. She has sinus issues so I thought maybe that? I walked over to her and shook her. Nothing. I called her name and shook her more. Nothing. I started screaming her name and shaking her harder. Nothing. The fear fucking rushed through my chest. Holy fuck. I yelled to my gf to call 911. I ran down the stairs. She comes out and I said go help her she's overdosing. My GF is CPR certified. Turns out she didn't remember shit. I called 911, gave them the info and ran back upstairs. I told my GF to wait by the front door for them. I asked the 911 operator what can I do. He told me to lay her flat on the ground and tilt her head back. I picked her up. She was dead fucking weight. Breath into her mouth for a second, wait 6 seconds and do it again. It was horrible. She was turning purple, breathing slower, looking dead. Eventually after what as the cliche goes "seemed like forever", the EMT and police showed up. They gave her Narcan and carried her out. She was still out as they brought her into the ambulance. I called her mother. I was hysterically crying. At this point I didn't know if she would live. One of the EMT's came over to me and told me she was awake. I was so relieved. Turns out she had taken coke and heroin..snorted most. There was a line left on her Nintendo switch.
We were at the hospital for 14 hours. When we got home she saw the line and flushed it. Apparently she didn't mean to OD, she did too much. So she says. I sent her to her mothers to get away from all this shit, but she needs to be back to testify next week.
She spent 2 months in rehab last year after oding. She then went to an outpatient for dual diagnosis. She may have BPD. Do I send her again to a rehab? Maybe an outpatient again? I believe it's more a psychological thing than a drug thing. But does that really matter? She wants to live. She wants to go to college. She wants her drivers license. She wants a car and to work and to finish school. But she is hurting and broken. She needs help and I don't know what will help. She hates me for sending her to rehab last time. I don't care if she hates me as long as she gets help, but I don't know if it helped. There is so much more I just puked out enough on here I guess. I have cried so many times the last week. I keep seeing my baby girl gasping and dying. That poor girl is so hurt. I don't know what to do. |
addiction | 6 ways to overcome phone addiction In this time and age, it is very hard not to become addicted to one thing or the other. The addiction that is gradually sweeping the millennial generation like a widespread virus is that of addiction to the phone. Addiction can be substance or drug-related. In the case of that of a phone, it is behavioral related. The funny thing about this is that a lot of people are not aware of their addiction status when it comes to the use of the phone. People don’t plan to be addicted; they just become addicted to things they find fun.
https://digitalpaver.com/6-ways-to-overcome-phone-addiction/ |
addiction | Does anyone have information on a correlation of IQ points and addicts? Looking for information or a scholarly report to see if there is a correlation between High IQ and being an addict and the death rates (age, gender).
The High IQ makes it easier to manipulate pretty much any situation. I feel like the smart addicts either live to old age or die young. This is mere conjecture.
Lost 25 friends to overdoses in the past few years. Some of them extremely intelligent. Looking for answers... |
addiction | It Will Pass Just reminding myself and hopefully some of you that if you're thinking about relapsing, using, or indulging in a "missed opportunity" - it will pass and when it does I'll take a breath knowing I let it pass.
Have a great weekend, everyone. |
addiction | Your experiences seeking treatment? Hello,
In 2013 my little brother died of a heroin overdose at the age of twenty. This experience has affected me in a lot of ways, including motivating me to do something.
I'm hoping to hear about what its like to seek help for an addiction. I work in film and I'm working to produce a documentary short looking at what the experience is like in the most honest way possible. I'm not trying to scare anyone, I just want to share that experience with people who haven't been through it first hand.
My personal motivations for this are rooted in my thriving need to want to help break the stigma of addiction. I have been awarded some time this spring and have thought about doing this for a long time so I'm reaching out wherever I can. The only stakes I have in this are the dissemination of people's experiences to help break the stigmas of addiction. Thanks for reading this. |
addiction | Addiction is is not an uncontrollable urge that you cannot control. It is the feeling that indulging is the right thing to do, and not doing it is a missed opportunity. |
addiction | Smoking Over the last few years I've developed a habit of smoking. At first it was weed and I would be high all the time, whether at work, going to university classes or just in everyday life. Honestly at the time it helped to calm me down and to think about my life and past childhood issues. As time went on I moved to cigarettes and weed. There was nothing like the feeling of smoking weed and then a few moments later to smoke a cigarette. As time went on I realised I spend more money smoking than I do on food and even thinking of buying new sheets or a pair of shoes I'd have to wonder if I really needed those, but I would buy weed without any hesitation.
As it currently stands I don't feel as stressed as I used to feel and I can actually see how I can get my life in order, but its a scary thought because it requires me destroying all that I currently am to rebuild a new. Smoking no longer gives the great feeling it used to, but its become a crutch that I'm terrified to let go of and embarking on what I think will make my life better seems even more terrifying. I've started to feel guilt each time I smoke and am constantly using excuses that it helps me to deal with people and everyday life and can even see myself experimenting with more addictive drugs. But I did a check of everything I spent money on last year and the amount that was unaccounted for left me feeling even shitter because I know I spent it on weed and cigarettes.
Honestly I'm trying to figure out the first step and actually get myself to do it on how to stop or even to just do it on rare occasions. But for some strange reason, I keep feeling like I need it. |
addiction | people’s opinion on swing if i have an addiction So i’m not sure if i have addiction long story short I used to do a lot of drugs like a lot starting at a young age from 15 to 17 i did meth and coke everyday going to juvy and rehab over ten times, obvs was very addicted back then but Now i’m 20 and would never do meth agin but i still do coke probably about 4 times a month but the problem is, is that every single time i do coke i spend every cent i have and stay out all night and into the next day doing blow To the point my girlfriend wants to break up with me but i feel like i don’t do it much cause it’s only 4 times a month. idk. i’m just looking to see what other people think thanks |
addiction | Always an addict. (health/fitness) I just realized that my entire life now revolves around my fitness and health. Meaning I avoid anything which may obstruct me from reaching goals.
I have no problem spending my time away from work or the gym, around the house where I have convenient access to all my nutritional and supplementary needs. (Kitchen/food, vitamins...etc.). As well as a room where I can stretch and/or rest. (living room).
Is this excessive, or what?
I avoid "going out" and would rather not have friends who aren't as focused, and determined as me.
I did have a problem with addiction to alcohol/drugs due to being raised by an abusive alcoholic father, and feel straying from health just means closer to being an addict and self-medicating again.
IDK, I feel like it's difficult to find balance, it's one thing, or another, to the extreme.
Yes, I am single, and don't have any close friends, but get along with family. |
addiction | My Mind feels like it's split... I have a voice in my head edging me toward my addiction. It's like the movie Cloud Atlas, whoever has seen it. A person in my ear whispering that grows into a shout. Whenever I kick an addiction I find something else to replace it. |
addiction | Strategies for living with a retired work addict? Slowly coming to the realization that my not-so-recently retired mother is a work addict. 2/3 days she's got some major job or work leading question lined up. I'm starting to tell her what she wants to hear just so I don't fucking have to work during my downtime. My vacations have become nonexistent since starting my full time job (Thanksgiving was work filled, spent christmas sick, and I've been working solid the last two weeks with the broken promise that I would have this weekend OFF), I haven't had a two day weekend in 6 months. It should've been a giant red flag that I was fighting for downtime at our summer house during vacations. Avoiding her is becoming less effective as she will just trap me or seek me out. I feel so burned out on doing any work at all. I've just been asked/ordered to go clean the gutters today, on a saturday in winter. |
addiction | New to this. I believe I've developed an addiction to cocaine. During the working week I am completely sober, I don't even touch a drop of alcohol. I am very good at my job and many peers look to me for technical advice. However, on the weekend all I can think about is drinking and doing cocaine. Even now I have been staying up all night with a card and a bill. I wish I could sit here and say that it could be my peers pushing me to use the substance. However, it is in fact the complete opposite. I am the one bringing up the idea of finding it. This might not be an issue if I had brought it up this one time but this is far from the first.
I hide it from my family members who only see the success I've made in my career. I hide it from the woman I love who is moving across the continent to be with me. I glorify it to so called friends who are amazed that I'm still successful despite the use.
I want to tell those closest to me that I have an issue and need help, but am afraid of them rejecting me. If somebody could provide some advice, or maybe a personal story of their own to help guide me into stepping into the light I would be very thankful.... I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe some personal experiences or advice. |
addiction | "Happy Faces" Android App for helping at Crippling Addictions and Anxiety Install "Happy Faces" app on android. That's this one-stop solution for all your psychological problems. It uses Attention Bias Modification technique (ABT). I used it successfully for panic attacks, various addictions, cigarette, nail-biting and more excesses.
Just use custom negative images in the app for your unique problems. For example, use alcohol as negative images for alcohol addiction, or cigarettes as negative images for cigarette addiction. PM me for help using the app.
Note: I am in no way associated with the app. Just sharing what helped me. Its totally free and ad-free if you are wondering. |
addiction | How to know if someone is addicted? How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? Like is there such a thing as a mild form of alcoholism that is still super damaging to the people around them? Talking about my dad. I’m his daughter. I need someone to talk to I am so sorry |
addiction | Friend is currently going through withdrawal; how can I best be supportive? Right now I'm sitting with my friend in a hotel room, on the other side of the country from where we live, and the people who trigger her to smoke crack, as she goes through her third day of withdrawal. Before we left she'd decided she wanted to quit, but kept telling me she'd have a "natural high" from being where we are; I'm not an idiot and knew full well what was going to happen, and that being in a new city with no contacts to buy from was exactly what it would take to get things started.
So now I'm watching as she struggles with the discomfort and pain, trying to figure out what I can do to make things less shitty for her. She was a heavy user (multiple times a day, at least for the past month. A user for over a year before that), so I know that the road ahead is no cake walk, but is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable? She's been drinking (another addiction, but we're tackling one at a time) to try and level out, but obviously that's going to have limited success, and I don't want her hurting herself in one way to try and compensate for something else. |
addiction | Gave It A 2nd Thought I found my wife Has Adderall from 2015, I crushed alot of it up and was ready to eat/snort it like I used to do while she was out of town but then I started thinking, it has been almost 3 years since I broke my addiction and I managed to flush it down the 🚽, I just want praise for dumping my wife's old addys(I always thought if I started once more I would be done for)
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addiction | Not sure if I belong here. I've abused a variety of drugs in the past.. prescription drugs, pain killers, weed, alcohol, psychedelics. The reason I've never thought I could have a real problem is because I'm always able to quit. Nicotine/ alcohol/ pain killers/ amphetamine. I've quit it all. It's just I've never gone too long without taking anything. I'll usually move on to another drug after going a bit without what I'm used to taking daily.
I use daily. I honestly have such a difficult time wanting any daily life besides the one where I can zone out a bit with the help of some drugs. I've tried mediation in the past and it made me truly happy but drugs are so much easier and go so much further. Daily sobriety sucks. I want the abstract thinking. I want the escape. I want to get out of it.
I want to live a life where I can take some mind altering drug everyday while also staying healthy. I'm here because in the past few days I crossed a line I never thought I would. I put other people's lives in danger and it made me hate myself so damn much. And in part the reason I did what I did was because I felt trapped by using and putting off responsibilities.
Makes me think what I really need to do is find a more compatible drug. If I can quit highly addictive drugs can I truly be an addict? I just can't see a life where I can't tilt things a bit as one I'd like to live.
I'd just like to talk to someone about what's up. AA and similar programs seem so extreme with their abstinence only teaching and religious BS. Have you dealt with similar problems and found a way to get a break from things still? |
addiction | Alcohol, Cigarettes, and Benzos. So i probably already know the answer to this, but I'm sure there are a few out there with first hand experiences. Background im 29, started binge drinking when i was around 17, and really never stopped for longer than a month, two weeks is rare.
Alochol wise id get drunk probably every four days, fifth deep stay up to see the sun drunk. I'd smoke probably 3/4s of a pack of cigarettes, and then upon waking up drink a bunch of water and take a mg of xanax once or twice a day. That was my typical binge, and the entire next day was dealt with coping with the hangover and trying to remember the conversations i had in a full black out (full functioning).
Last saturday i caught the flu thats been going on around, so ontop of that sucking a bag of dicks, no nicotine, no alcohol, and i knocked the xanax (prescribed) 3/4s.
Its been a week now, and i dont have the flu and i figure id keep sticking to drying out, but i am fucking miserable. My sleep is incredibly disturbed (fall asleep at 5pm, wake up at 9pm, rinse and repeat) and every now and then I'm just sweating bricks.
I honestly have no urge to drink or smoke (only smoke when i drink), i just am over this whole half lucid day time. I honestly couldnt tell you who i texted yesterday, or what time you want to say yesterday was.
So is it stupid to try and cut out three things at once? Or when is the reprieve of this mind splitting headache going to be over.
If theres any younger kids out there, when you start saying things like "i can't get drunk off beer, i only drink liquor" or something that affect.. you are not on a good path buddy. You'll soon be having visits from the honest pure horror of staring death in the face that is an alcohol withdraw panic attack. |
addiction | My boyfriend said he wants to go to rehab, but now he's backpedaling My on/off long distance boyfriend of 3 years has suffered from various addictions for the past 10 or so years (opiates, marijuana, alcohol, stimulants, who knows what else). He's currently on a job contract in an isolated poverty-stricken town, which has contributed to his depression, loneliness, and feelings of isolation. This only fuels the addictions and secretiveness about them. He stays in this miserable, abusive job because it enables him to use and keep loved ones at a literal distance.
He finally came to the conclusion on his own that he needs to go to rehab. He's talked about it in the past, but this time it seemed like he was really ready to go. He told his family, which is HUGE, as he's usually VERY secretive with them about all things, especially this. I've been the only person he's really told about his addictions, and he definitely keeps things from me, too.... so telling his family that he wanted to go to rehab was a huge step forward.
He started seeing an LCSW in order to get a referral for treatment, and did call a few rehabs, though it seems like lots of them don't take his insurance. He seemed to like the counselor and found her helpful. This all seemed like it was going in a good direction.
This was over a month ago. Since then, he's had to miss a few therapy sessions due to scheduling issues, and he's completely lost the momentum to see this through. I think he's had some relapses and is using/drinking again, which resets the shame spiral that zaps his motivation. He's withdrawn from me and his family, ignores our texts and calls for days at a time, and hasn't mentioned rehab in weeks. When I ask about it and/or therapy, he's avoidant.
I'm so disappointed and discouraged. I feel very helpless and I know I can't do anything for him... he has to see this through himself. I've offered to help him in any way I can in terms of finding the right rehab place, etc. He doesn't seem to want myself, and if I bring it up too often, it feels like I'm nagging. He was just SO CLOSE and I wish there was something we could do to get him motivated and back on track to getting help. I'm trying to be supportive, but I just feel so frustrated.
I want a future for us, and I want nothing more than for him to get help so that we can have a real shot at a life together. I wish he would just quit this job, move back home here and get the help he needs where he has love and support from me and his family... but that would require his full commitment to change his life, and clearly he's ambivalent, so he stays where he can hide and uses his job as an excuse.
I'm not sure there is any advice anyone could offer... I mainly just posted this to vent a bit if what I'm going through. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, feel free to share your story.
Thanks everyone.
TD;LR my addict BF wants to go to rehab but is stalling
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addiction | Chronic relapses I’m having a hard time not taking my addicts addiction so personally. He’s a chronic relapser. Does that time in between mean nothing? Just a pass time until the next time he gets an opportunity? |
addiction | I'm embracing the fact that I have been living as a 14 year old meth addicted, violated teenager for too long. I'm sharing my experience to hopefully help others not feel so alone. I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit.
I ordered Mastin Kipp’s, “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”. It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class. I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose. “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself. I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today. As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book, I start to see. I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in. I start to see where it all began. It’s becoming so clear. It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this? Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit? Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.
My drinking and drug use where a direct solution to my pain. My drinking has been my conclusion, my safety net and my comfy blanket since I was 14. Yes, you guessed it, my running started when I was 14. There was what Mastin Kipp calls your “original incident”. The original trauma that sparks your numbing. I feel I didn’t have the proper tools or the maturity to deal with what happened. Now I’m forced to back up, take a moment and use my new found maturity and tools to FINALLY face my deepest fears.
Actually a few things happened when I was a new budding, flowering teenager. It started when I straightened my hair and got contacts. I wanted so badly to fit in. I did finally, sort of. At least I thought so. I don’t want to go into great detail about a couple things that happened, but I do want to talk about the aftermath or a better description would be afterMETH. Ha, I can still have a sense of humor about the whole thing.
So what happened was I had hooked up with a older guy, he was 18 and I was 16. This part is where my heart starts beating super fast, my palms get sweaty and I have a huge knot in my stomach. Just write it out Molly, just fucking do it. He videotaped us having sex and decided to show it to his friends. Ironically, or maybe it was more of a coincidence, when I first found out about this, this was also the same night I tried meth for the first time.
I’ll never forget when I walked into this high school party and I walked up to a group of my guy friends and one of them looks at me with wide eyes and says, “I saw your video”. My heart stopped in that moment. No it didn’t stop, it was actually beating quite fast from all the “cocaine” I had done. I say “cocaine” because the guy that sold it to me and my friends said it was cocaine. Come to find out later that is actually meth. Anyway, I look at my friend and say, “What video?” His face changed. His smile faded to a look of concern and he explained to me that, let’s call him S, had videotaped us having sex and showed a bunch of his friends.
My world starts spinning. I remember going back to my group of friends and telling them what I had just heard. They did what any good high school girlfriends would do. We went into the nearest bathroom and took shots of SKYY vodka and did lines of “cocaine” off the toilet.
Yup. This was the night that I became addicted to meth. I went on to use it morning till night for 6 months. I hardly slept, I hardly ate. I withered away to skin and bone. My days and nights were spent hiding in people's garages snorting lines of meth. Man those were dark days. I got other friends and acquaintances addicted to meth. I couldn’t dig a hole by myself, I needed others to help with the labor.
One girl I helped get addicted smuggled some on a plane with her to go visit her family. She stuffed it in her panties and boarded the plane. She didn’t get caught, but jesus, imagine if she had? Two other girls I used to use with got in horrible car accidents. Meth has to be the worst drug on the planet. Well, at least it was for me. I remember snorting my first line of it and feeling like I would do this forever. It was instant addiction. I never wanted to stop. I think the powerlessness I felt hearing about being videotaped was battled with the “all powerful” I felt when I was on meth. It gave me the strength and the tools to deal with being violated.
Let me explain real quickly how I stopped. I started dating a guy and he wanted to use meth with me. So I snorted lines of meth with him and I hated him while he was high. He was so annoying. Then it clicked, maybe this is how people saw me while I was on meth. Through the thick cloud of smoke I had been living in, I saw that I was worth more than this. So the guy I was dating helped me stop using by feeding me vicodin and smoking weed. I know, fight one addiction with more drugs. It worked. I stopped using meth cold turkey. I did however start smoking weed and drinking alcohol quite a bit. I may have stopped using meth, but I had not dealt with the very thing that was keeping me scared.
Which leads me to today. I may have stopped using meth cold turkey, I may not drink or use other drugs, but I am still scared. I still feel powerless. I’m trying to figure out how to claim my power. I’m working on being honest with myself. I’m writing out my past traumas and really looking at them. Reliving them and trying not to blame myself. I’m trying to see them as shitty things that have happened and they do not define the beautiful person that I am today. They may have happened, but that’s okay.
Maybe my purpose is to share these stories and to help others not feel so alone. Because you aren’t. None of us are alone in this. We all experience powerlessness and pain. We’ve all been violated in one way or another. What truly matters is facing it. To stop running from it all. To turn around a look fear right in it’s fucking eyes and say hello. Shake it’s hand and give it a hug. I’m opening a part of myself I’ve never opened and believe me I’ve opened many parts of myself. Ha, again, I can still find humor in all the shit. To look at myself and be able to say, “You’re a beautiful human, who has had shitty things happen. These things do not define you. It’s how you choose to look at them that defines you.”
I open my heart to the world and most importantly to myself. I’ve identified as the meth addicted, violated teenager for too long. I’m turning around and I’m looking at her. She looks tired. I think she’s had enough. I think she’s ready to move on. I reach my arms out and give her a hug. I allow myself to feel these out of body experiences. I’ve never been religious, but I find myself wanting more. I find myself talking to an out of body source. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like a friend. Like someone guiding me, so I don’t feel so alone.
I’m only on day 8 of “Claiming My Power” and I feel pretty fucking great. I like sitting in the silence and feeling all the anxiety. This is where the work begins. |
addiction | am I becoming addicted to ritalin? Ok to start off i’m a 15 year old male with several mental heath issues and I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. About a week ago I was prescribed ritalin (methylphenidate) from my psychiatrist, I picked it up and I started taking it at the proper dose at the right time and how i’m supposed to take it. I then heard from my friend who is into drugs that i could achieve a high from it. me being a curious 15 year old that sounded amazing. he told me how to take the pill and how much to get the best high. so i did that once and i started to feel the effects of euphoria and overall happiness. anyways i’ve been doing that consistently for about 4 days now and i sometimes do it twice in a day. the days that i tell myself that i won’t do it at all i eventually cave in.
what do you guys think, am i on the early stages of addiction, how do i stop? i’m also thinking about bringing this up to my counselor who i trust. |
addiction | Addiction and just buying drugs is just so much bullshit. long story short, buddy of mine ripped me off on some 20 dollar ice deal. I was really surprised. He tried to trick me and then make up something.
He really hooked me up to make up for it but it's bullshit.
But he did rip me off. You can't trust drug buddies.
I have gone to AA 20 times in the last 30 days. Booze is my DOC. Fake it till you make it.
But you see what I mean? I am not going to kill somebody over 20 bucks but it is the principal of the thing. And trying to pull some shuck and jive thing just adds insult to injury.
That guy isn't my friend and even if he is. He isn't the kind of friend I need if I am to get out of this addiction problem.
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addiction | I want to use so bad. Please help! I have such a bad urge to use right now. I literally want to use any drug I can get my hands on right now. Please someone help me. I don’t know how or if anyone can but please somebody try... |
addiction | Understanding the Science of Benzodiazepine Withdrawal **Understanding BZ withdrawal, Four Major Variables : Half-Life, GABAa affinity, Dosage and Length of Treatment**
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> Half Life~ Half life is important. *The time it takes for a drug or metabolite to lose half of its pharmacologic activity. Total elimination of pharmaceuticals is appx 6X it's half life.*
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> The quicker a medication is eliminated the greater the system shock, your brain needs time to reestablished homeostasis or equilibrium with other systems; therefore, a longer half-life medication lets make the taper 'less bumpy,' and 'smoother.'*
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> [Table on Half Lives of Benzos](http://www.vhpharmsci.com/vhformulary/tools/benzodiazepines-comparison.htm)
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> So even if you take for example Klonopin or Valium once every 5 days it's still 'constant,' in the sense the drug and/or its metabolites have influence within the GABA system.
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> GABAa System Deconstructed*~ GABA system is complex and delicate. There are multiple receptors performing different functions and each receptor class responds differently to various benzodiazepines.
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> Withdrawal symptoms of a particular benzo manifest as the opposite of the effects that benzo has. If a particular benzo causes muscle relaxation, then muscle cramping etc. may occur w/o a good managed taper.
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* α1 subtype: Sedation, respiratory depression, sleep, ataxia, motor-impairment, amnesia, anti-convulsive, and reinforcing behavior.
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* α2 subtype: Anxiolysis, disinhibition
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* α3 subtype: Anxiolysis, anti-convulsive, muscle relaxation
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* α5 subtype: Learning and memory, amnesia, minor sedation
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* α3 & α5 subtype: Sensorimotor information processing
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* γ2 subtype: Physical dependence, respiratory depression
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* β3 subtype: Anti-convulsive, minor sedation, muscle relaxation, various other reactions related to respiration. This receptor subtype is a barbiturate receptor.
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> **Benzos affinity to the GABA(A) receptors**
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> High α1 affinity: midazolam, triazolam, flunitrazepam, temazepam, lormetazepam, nitrazepam, brotizolam, nimetazepam, loprazolam, and flutoprazepam.
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> Low to Moderate α1 affinity: wide range of 1,4 benzodiazepines including diazepam, estazolam, flurazepam, oxazepam, lorazepam, alprazolam, bromazepam, camazepam, quazepam (highly selective affinity), clonazepam, medazepam, nordazepam, chlordiazepoxide (very weak affinity), clorazepate, and most other benzo as all benzos are α1 agonists with varying degrees of affinity levels.
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> *Also included here are the non-benzodiazepine "z-drugs" such as zolpidem, zaleplon, zopiclone, and eszopiclone which act upon the α1 subtype receptor but with only weak to moderate affinity. *I don't like the term non-benzodiazepine, evidence suggests they are not as 'selective,' as previously thought.*
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> High α2 affinity: diazepam, clonazepam, bromazepam, lorazepam, alprazolam, camazepam, nitrazepam, loprazolam, lormetazepam, and flutoprazepam.
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> Moderate α2 affinity: oxazepam, prazepam, phenazepam, temazepam, flunitrazepam, halazepam, midazolam, and other less commonly known benzos
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> Weak α2 affinity: triazolam, chlordiazepoxide (stronger affinity for α3), brotizolam, quazepam, tetrazepam (stronger affinity for α3), and a few others.
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> High α3 affinity: diazepam, clonazepam, temazepam, lorazepam, tetrazepam, flunitrazepam, nimetazepam, phenazepam, and bromazepam.
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> Moderate α3 affinity: alprazolam, adinazolam, estazolam, chlordiazepoxide, clorazepate, and flurazepam.
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> High γ2 affinity: **(These benzos are the most physically addictive)**: temazepam, brotizolam, triazolam, alprazolam, lorazepam, loprazolam, midazolam, flunitrazepam, clonazepam, lormetazepam, flutoprazepam, nitrazepam, nimetazepam, and estazolam**
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> Low to moderate γ2 affinity: diazepam, chlordiazepoxide, oxazepam, and most other benzos.
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> High β3 affinity: mostly the hypnotics (nitrazepam, temazepam, triazolam, etc)
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> Low to moderate β3 affinity: diazepam, alprazolam, most other benzos.
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> *Dosage and Length of Treatment are self explanatory. Higher the Dose - Longer the Treatment - More difficult and Protracted the Withdrawal*
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> *So, the BZs causing the most problems year after year are the short half-life, high γ2 affinity BZs. High dosage and long term use are force multipliers; furthermore, high dose or long term use of BZs with even a low γ2 affinity and lengthy half-life can still create dependency*
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> **Let's Talk Taper**
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> Before a BZ taper see a Dr. and don't proceed w/o them, but be educated and push back if your facts don't match up with his. Aston Manual. https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/ is the bible on this topic download it and bring it to your appointment!*
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> *Here is a good example of a taper. Everyone is different, but this is as close as it gets online to being the 'right way.'*
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* [Part I](https://youtu.be/pmLufKbQHyQ)
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* [Part II](https://youtu.be/f43PMHudwco)
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[Spreadsheet Link](http://www.benzosupport.org/Water%20Titration%20Spreadsheet.xls)
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[Spreadsheet Link, 2](http://www.benzosupport.org/the_spreadsheet.htm)
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* [Part III](https://youtu.be/L1DgY33JKpE)
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> Never confuse withdrawal with an underlying previous anxiety disorder! So many think this when there tolerance builds up to benzos and there anxiety builds because the drug has less effect. Law of diminishing returns. So the Dr. ups the dose thinking your anxiety disorder is a chemical imbalance or cause/effect with your life (job, spouse, kids, IRS lol)
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> [FAQs on BZ WD]( http://www.benzobuddies.org/benzodiazepine-information/frequently-asked-questions)
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> [cont.](https://youtu.be/nnsisb5_Nck)
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> [Benzodiazepine equivalency calculator](http://www.globalrph.com/benzodiazepine_calc.htm)
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**Source ~ r/badpill**
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addiction | Recovering benzo addict: My story. (Warning: wall of text)
I’ve had a lifelong struggle with anxiety. I was always very introverted, and I have had social anxiety and depression since I was a child. I was always searching for ways to alleviate these feelings. So I turned to drugs. Started out smoking weed, then as time went on I escalated pretty quickly to things like LSD, alcohol, adderall, cocaine, ecstasy, etc. Oddly enough, I never had a problem with dependency with those substances. Even the notoriously addictive drugs I’ve tried like blow, alcohol, and opiates never caused an issue with me. I could control myself.
Then I met my match. Benzodiazepines. Namely Etizolam and Clonazolam (CLam). It started out with the Etiz. Shortly after I turned 18, I bought 25 pills of it as a birthday gift to myself. Then I took my first pill. Little did I know, the moment I put that fucker on my tongue, a world of pain would soon be unleashed.
The first time I took it, it was amazing. I’ve never felt so much relief in my life. It was like this huge weight being lifted off my shoulders, and I finally felt comfortable in my own skin. It made me completely carefree. I had never experienced such a concentrated feeling of relaxation in my life. I was free. Free from the shackles of my anxiety and depression. It was a godsend. I wanted to feel that way all the time.
And I did.
From the moment I took my first pill, I did not want to give up that feeling. So I took another the next day. And the next day. Then I upped the dose. I began taking 4-5mg a day within 2 weeks of my first experience. My addiction escalated VERY fast.
See, the thing about benzos is that they make you not give a fuck about anything. And I mean *anything*. This is simultaneously the best and worst part about benzodiazepines. Being high on benzos affects your judgement a lot. More so than alcohol I would say. This was a huge problem for me. When your judgment is impaired, you make choices that the normal you would never make. This is how my addiction blossomed. Since I was constantly on benzos, it was incredibly easy to rationalize taking more and more. This is because we all have a little voice inside our head that helps us make decisions. But when you take benzos, that voice gets shut down. So normally, when I’m on a drug binge that little voice says “Okay, that’s enough drugs. No more.” While you’re on benzos, that voice is gone. You become uninhibited. Therefore it becomes EXTREMELY easy to rationalize taking more. And that’s what I did. I took more and more. I was constantly upping the dose to chase that feeling that I had the very first time. This was my downfall. Because I was always fucked up, the normal me was never there to tell me to stop. Eventually I was taking 15 pills of Etizolam in one sitting without blacking out. So I turned to something more potent. Clonazolam. This drug is an extremely potent benzodiazepine. And eventually, the same thing happened with the CLam. Started out with one pill, then it eventually escalated to 12 in one day. At this point, I am in deep. I was so hooked on these pills that if I didn’t take them every day, I would get horrid withdrawals. I’m talking withdrawals so bad that you hallucinate. It was the worst experience of my life. I couldn’t sleep. And when I did sleep, I had horrible recurring nightmares about centipedes crawling around my room. I had the shakes, nausea, back pain, headaches, time distortion, derealization, strong anxiety, primal fear, delusions, visual/auditory hallucinations. The list goes on.
And that was just the withdrawal. Being intoxicated all the time had so many consequences. I started failing school, I was constantly lying, I tried to start fights, I was rude as fuck, I cut off my friends and family, and my job docked my pay because they knew I was coming into work plastered. Not to mention all the amazingly stupid shit I did while high. I was constantly falling over, I broke my phone, my 130$ Bluetooth speaker, lost my nametag for work, dislocated my knee, went on a crazy 90mg adderall binge. Not to mention, I literally spent every last dollar I had on pills. My whole bank account: gone. 1,300$ down the fucking drain. That was all I had. And it’s gone now.
Im not the only one who was affected by my addiction. My family and friends were greatly affected. I lost the girl of my dreams and I cut people off for months just to get high. My mother had to take me to the ER after the school caught me fucked up. She was furious, and for good reason. My dad saw me as a disappointment.
Then I finally got clean. Coming off 2 months of daily CLam and Etiz abuse is horrifying. Even with a taper plan. Without the pills, I became deeply depressed. Especially because I had finally realized the trail of destruction I had left behind. I was so oblivious to it all before. I started cutting myself, and cried for hours wishing for death. So I decided to get some professional help, and here I am 2 months clean from benzos and alcohol.
Benzos robbed me of my identity. It turned me into a lying, manipulative, belligerent fiend. I was an instinct driven animal. The pills compromised my survival system. I needed benzos more than food, water, sleep, or sex. No matter what, the drugs came first. I didn’t let anyone stand in my way. I didn’t care if I had to go around you, above you, or through you. The drugs were number one priority. Always. And that’s not an easy spot to recover from.
My benzo addiction was very much a cross addiction with alcohol and other drugs. Because when I was poppin pills, I wasn’t just popping pills. Whenever I took pills I would drink. And whenever I would drink I would smoke cigs. And whenever I would smoke cigs I would smoke weed. My addiction had multiple layers to it, which is why it was so excruciatingly difficult to get clean.
Eventually, after my third week of tapering I started to feel like myself. And this is where I really learned a lot about my addiction. I realized what caused it, and why I couldn’t stop. Understanding the factors that influence you to take drugs is a huge step in the recovery process. This is how I got clean, and stayed clean. Instead of running from my problems, I faced them head on. And ultimately, through this process I learned who I really was without drugs.
And I like it. I love having a clear head. I love being able to show up to work, and get praised when the managers notice how much better I am doing now than I was before. I love being able to hold an actual conversation with somebody without nodding off or telling them I don’t give a fuck. I have my life back.
I thought I was never going to get off benzos. I thought I was gonna be hooked for life until it eventually killed me. And believe me, I came very close to death. Taking 12 pills of an extremely potent benzo and washing em all down with vodka is VERY dangerous. And when I was in withdrawals, I could physically feel my body shutting down. I could literally feel myself dying. Looking back, that was the scariest part of my experience with benzos. The withdrawals can easily be fatal. I’m lucky to be alive today.
My purpose in writing this is to give you guys hope. You can recover, even from the most traumatizing addiction. I thought there was no hope for me. I was sure that one day my parents would find me dead in my room from too much sedation. And if I didn’t get clean, I would almost certainly be dead right now.
I’m doing *much* better now. I finally feel normal (mostly). But recovery is a journey all on its own. I still think about benzos every day, and how bad I wish I could just take some again. But I don’t. Because I’m not gonna risk all the progress I made for a few hours of relief.
If any of you are struggling with dependency on drugs, don’t hesitate to message me. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes. I wouldn’t wish this shit upon ANYBODY. My heart goes out to all of you, and I wish you all the best.
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addiction | Going Back to Rehab Clean... I am faced with a living situation that has been increasingly deteriorating. I am 31 years old, sober for 2 years with a few relapses here and there - nothing daily or habitual for 2+ years. Currently on the methadone program, and it sucks for reasons I won't outline here.
I have to go back to rehab because I have no options to live, the girl I'm living with wants a relationship and I don't, and I don't want to continue to lie to people to protect myself. So I am being forced out when I tried to make amends and offer my help around the house and a roomate situation because she needs financial help.
I started a youtube channel about a month or two ago, and haven't really uploaded. Decided to make a video today while I am still in this beautiful apartment, as when she comes home she wants to drive me to the city (1hr away) to a homeless shelter so that I have somewhere to live. I didn't even do anything to her, just said to her that I can't see us being together, not right now, while I'm trying to re-learn how to live without drugs.
I am sober, and facing all the problems in my life that caused me to use in the first place - and its tough. I feel the rehab center would be a good place for me to gain some mental stability, as its 4 months of residential living - even though I am abstaining from it, I need mental health.
The unfortunate thing is I have to do a week at the shelter as an "intake" before I can move into the residential treatment center, which is beside the shelter and really not a good place to recover.
I dont know what to do. I started the youtube channel to share my experiences with you. Not sure if any of you are interested, but I'll keep uploading all year (as best I can) regardless of how much i grow or views. Thanks. I'm sad, and feeling hopeless.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwv_2oA4yqz8p7Ah649wJ6w |
addiction | My Girlfriend's Parents Are Angry At Me For Giving Them "Parenting Advice" Long story short, my girlfriend of 10 years has a brother who has been up and down with his addiction to heroin and crack for about 5 years. I have largely been quietly supporting my girlfriend on the sidelines, never saying anything directly to the parents. However, there is clearly a pattern of displacement, denial, and enablement on the part of the parents.
Recently, we were at dinner, and the parents were discussing their 30 year old son's recent relapse in which he showed up at his ex girlfriend's job threatening her, and at his apartment building's office doing the same. However, they were excluding and reframing certain information from the past. In particular, they mentioned they never buy him anything and he has been supporting himself. I pointed out they actually bought him a car and $2,000 worth of furniture, and mentioned it's important to set boundaries with someone struggling with addiction.
They promptly lost their shit and became extremely agitated and it became quite ugly. The next day, they told my girlfriend they were primarily angry at me for giving them "parenting advice".
Please feel free to share your thoughts. I am looking for honest input to help understand whether or not I was wrong for speaking out, and whether or not it really constitutes parenting advice, given the circumstances. Is it really parenting advice when the person is a grown man?
Thank you in advance for reading and responding. |
addiction | Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Use our state wise AA Meeting Directory list to find local Alcoholics Anonymous program, AA helpline number;other linksonline give you information on AA meetings near your place. Our main purpose to recovery of alcoholic peoples and their family members or anyone interested to solve his/her drinking problem or helping someone else to solve the same. Here in the meeting you find some peoples who share their experience, strength & hope with each other that may help you recover from alcoholism. |
addiction | For the Love of Drugs I feel like no one brings up that getting high is hard to beat because it offers this little dark, twisted and charming side of life that no one understands unless you've gotten high. It's a pathway that no one has certainty about. It's a mind twisting lifestyle that becomes normal and some feel they have mastered it. It makes you feel young. It makes you feel powerful. It makes you feel invincible. Maybe that's when you're addicted. |
addiction | How Vietnam War Veterans Broke Their Heroin Addictions It was 1971 and the Vietnam War was heading into its 16th year when two congressmen, Robert Steele from Connecticut and Morgan Murphy from Illinois, made a discovery that stunned the American public.
While visiting the troops in Vietnam, the two congressmen discovered that over 15 percent of US soldiers had developed an addiction to heroin. (Later research, which tested every American soldier in Vietnam for heroin addiction, would reveal that 40 percent of servicemen had tried heroin and nearly 20 percent were addicted.) The discovery shocked the American public and led to a flurry of activity in Washington, which included President Richard Nixon announcing the creation of a new office called The Special Action Office of Drug Abuse Prevention.
The office was created to promote prevention and rehabilitation of drug addictions and also to track and research the paths of addicted servicemen and women when they returned home. It was this last part, the tracking of returning soldiers, that led to some surprising insights.
Lee Robins, one of the researchers in charge of tracking the veterans, found that when the soldiers returned to the United States only 5 percent of them became re-addicted to heroin. In other words, 95 percent eliminated their addiction nearly overnight.
This finding completely contradicted the patterns of normal addiction. The typical heroin cycle went something like this: an addicted user would enter a clinic and get clean, but once they returned home, the re-addiction rate was 90 percent or higher. Nearly every heroin addict relapsed. The Vietnam soldiers were displaying a pattern that was exactly the opposite.
What was going on here? And, perhaps more important, what can it teach us about changing our own behaviors, building better habits, and breaking bad ones?
Before we talk about how to get started, though, I wanted to let you know I researched and compiled science-backed ways to stick to good habits and stop procrastinating. Want to check out my insights? Download my free PDF guide “Transform Your Habits” here.
How Addictions Get Shaped
Here is what happened in Vietnam: soldiers spent all day surrounded by a certain environment. They were inundated with the stress of war. They built friendships with fellow soldiers who were heroin users. The end result was that soldiers were surrounded by an environment that had multiple stimuli driving them toward heroin use. It's not hard to imagine how living in a war zone with other heroin users could drive you to try it yourself.
Once each soldier returned to the United States, however, they found themselves in a completely different environment. Not only that, they found themselves in an environment devoid of the stimuli that triggered their heroin use in the first place. Without the stress, the fellow heroin users, and the environmental factors to trigger their addiction, many soldiers found it easier to quit.
Compare this situation to that of a typical drug user. The individual picks up a bad habit at home, goes to a clinic to get clean (i.e. somewhere devoid of all the external stimuli that drive their habit), then return to their old environment with all of their old triggers surrounding them, and somehow hope to quit their bad habit. It's no wonder 90 percent of typical heroin users became re-addicted once they return home—they are surrounded by all of the things that caused them to get addicted in the first place.
Similar situations drive bad habits for all of us, from nail biting to smoking to drug use. Of course, none of this is to say that the change in drug use was purely due to environment changes. (It is likely there were a variety of factors at play. ) But the central idea is a solid one: the stimuli that surround you shape your behaviors day after day, often without you realizing it. Environment drives behavior.
To Change Your Behavior, Change Your Environment
The impact that external stimuli can have on behavior is well-known. I have written previously about choice and how it can be used to drive better health habits.
These effects go beyond the physical environment. Your friendships matter too. One popular study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, tracked 12,067 people for 32 years and found that “a person’s chances of becoming obese increased by 57 percent if he or she had a friend who became obese.”
The people we connect with and the places we live in often determine our behavior and habits as much as we do ourselves.
The good news is that, at least to a certain degree, your environment is within your control. If you want to change your behavior, then change your environment. Even small adjustments can make a difference. One of the simplest ways to do this is to “design for laziness” and make default options healthier or more productive, which is a strategy I covered in detail here.
Here are some other examples to get your creative juices flowing:
Trying to build an exercise habit? Rather than going home after work, stop by a new place like a park or a hiking trail (or a gym, if that's your thing), and let the new environment be a blank slate for your new behavior rather than trying to force yourself to overcome all of the old triggers at your home.
Want to think more creatively? Move to a bigger room or surround yourself with expansive architecture away from the normal space that drives most of your thought patterns. (More on the link between architecture and behavior here.)
Hoping to buy healthier food? It is likely that you have some autopilot shopping habits right now. Try going to a new grocery store and developing a different routine of selecting food. You may find it much easier to avoid unhealthy food when your brain doesn't automatically know where it is located.
By simply removing yourself from an environment that triggers all of your old habits, you can make it easier to break bad habits and build new ones.
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addiction | Sadness As I struggle with my own addictions, I found out last night that a High School friend has passed. I knew him, 20+ years ago, and through social media been re-acquainted with this group of friends (we were never close - - although we made out at a party once). Over the years I have known about his serious addiction(s) to hard drugs. Well, yesterday ... he died from these. It really breaks my heart as there are young children, and a whole group of people affected by this (just reading the condolences on social media reads like a high school reunion). My thought is no matter what our additions are, we need to help each-other, keep posting, keep reading, keep trying. Take Care of yourself today. |
addiction | Just wrote my first ever piece about Addiction I believe my story might contain information people find necessary or relevant toward their recovery. This is my first ever piece and its completely non fiction. I've been told that I should write for years but never had the confidence to try. Please leave a comment or tell me what you think.
https://withinthebardo.wordpress.com/2018/02/28/the-addict-in-the-hole/
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addiction | I’ve finally admitted to myself my drug use has gotten out of control. I am a drug addict, how do I tell the people I love? I posted this in /r/relationships but I was hoping some of you here might be able to give some advice. I suppose in this sub my post might not need a trigger warning(?), but just in case: mentions of specific drug use, abuse, depression, suicide
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I’ve spent six hours trying to write this post but there’s just too much to say. I know don’t deserve any sympathy no matter how emphatically I tell my sob story. I have become a very bad person and the only thing I deserve is to be promptly dropped by everybody, then quickly forgotten about. I need help so badly. I’m afraid of what I am.
I am completely and utterly enslaved by my addiction to amphetamines. I used to be such a good person - so caring of others, so sweet and kind hearted. These days I’m the most selfish person I know. I lie, I cheat, I steal and there and I emotionally manipulate people for pity points just to make space for my addiction in my relationships. Needless to say there are very few left and they’re all falling apart.
I am so toxic and I don’t know how to stop. All I know is that I am a cancer to everyone around me. I fucking hate myself so much. I spend $500+ each week on drugs, my pay check is gone within the hour every week without fail. I’ve stolen small amounts of money from my workplace and worst of all, from my parents and my brother. It haunts me every day that I’ve done that.
I used to be so depressed I could barely function and the amphetamines helped with that, but these days I can barely function at all. They’ve robbed me of every redeeming quality I ever had. Not only that but my life is a fucking train wreck if I ever saw one and my brain is jelly. I’m always fucking broke, always manic and wired, entirely unfocused, chronically underslept and nothing short of a slave to any sudden physiological impulse that strikes me. I have no interests, no hobbies, no goals, no plans. I’m honestly just waiting to be saved (like a true victim) or to die.
I can’t live like this anymore. I want to come clean to my family, my friends and my boyfriend and get help, but it seems inconceivable to tell the same people I’ve manipulated and stolen from that I’ve done these things. Like it doesn’t make sense in my head how that conversation could even happen. How do I tell them?
My family is already broken. My mum was physically and mentally abusive to my brothers, my dad and myself for almost a decade. Now she has a severe neurological disorder and isn’t receiving any help for it and my dad is crippled by his trauma and his depression. It broke his heart when I dropped out of uni. This will break my parents. Absolutely shatter them.
My boyfriend has no idea at all and he’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve never stolen from him but I’m sure the lies and deception alone will drive him to leave me. I think he deserves much, much better than me. I feel awful that I’ve wasted six months of his life convincing him I’m something different from what I really am.
The guilt from everything I’ve ever done is eating me alive each waking moment. I am not equipped to handle it. Its tremendous weight pushes down on me more and more each day, I think I might just crush under its weight sooner rather than later. I am guilty. I am so fucking guilty.
**TL;DR** - I’m addicted to amphetamines. My life has fallen apart, I can’t live like this anymore and I feel like I have to confess to everyone soon but I’ve been lying, stealing from and manipulating those closest to me for a long time. I am terrified and wrapped up in shame. How do I tell them? |
addiction | Oops now I have to have an intervention... Here it goes.
I have been depressed since I stopped taking my antidepressant - Ultimately I made a decision to go the hospital. Prior to this decision I had to take old meds (seroquel) to sleep which knocked me out for a couple of days after being awake for over 3 days.
I also had taken a xanax - which without a doubt showed up on the drug test because the Doctors decided to taper me off valium (yeah I take 10mg of that too..)
The resident is this young guy who is obviously the worst poker player ever and probably isn't the best fit for psychiatric work made it obvious that they are essentially detoxing me and wants to have a family meeting next week to go over 'everything.' Namely the non-prescribed alprazolam in my urine...
I'm in the acute withdrawal stage already its been 3 days of which I have been on .75mg of klonopin (tapering from the Rx of 1mg)
Given that I'm already in a psych unit for this major depressive episode I would be damned if this upcoming meeting is not an intervention.
I acknowledge the facts at hand (i.e I have been using xanax either additionally or in conjunction with my klonopin - marijuana and alcohol.) And with regards to the latter two I have no issue stopping and don't feel any dependcy on whatsoever. The xanax addiction got caught in the cross fires of my admission to the psych unit and is now out of my control - in the past I have been able to seamlessly use my Rx to ward off any WDs. Now I'm feeling them much more and understand why people hate WD so much.
I guess the take away is that at my lowest point in life (contemplating suicide) I managed to get help for my addiction as well - I guess that means I should be happy im getting a 2-1 special.
I can't even imagine how long I am going to be here for (I'm currently forecasting 2 weeks with an inpatient/outpatient rehab for the addiction to follow l.) Send your prayers I will need them. |
addiction | Addicted to olanzapine??? (Zyprexa) Hello! I won’t enter into many details but I have been having zyprexa for about 3 years. My doctor prescribed that medicament to me plus other ones.
Right now I’m sick and tired of it and I want to stop having that kind of medicine.
My parents are thinking of taking me to another doctor that would help me to stop it.
But unfortunately unconsciously I think that I’m addicted to zyprexa.
I know that because in the night my body asks me for the medication, and I start feeling bad and anxious until I have it.
Also if one night I don’t have more medicine I have to take 10 or 20mg of melatonin so I won’t feel bad.
What can I do? :(
What will the new doctor do with me??
Thank you very much for your replies! |
addiction | Tips for getting sober more easily I currently am so fend up with a lot of things in my life and have been abusing drugs daily to push back all my problems. I plan to cold turkey in a few days from all drugs. The first few days will be the hardest i think (especially because it'll be the weekend. Does anyone have any advice to get through the first week? I plan to stay sober for 3-5 weeks in order to clear my mind. |
addiction | Seeking Advice *Not a user myself, certainly affected by one* About eight years ago, one of my parents started drinking heavily. As time went on and problems between marriage and finances got worse, the drinking amplified and was eventually mixed with prescription pills. Now, after eight long years of terrible experiences and being the target of physical and verbal drunken tantrums, I'm seeking help.
Of course, I've spoke with my immediate family about everything. Two of my older siblings have walked out, moved out and have learned to keep their distance. Unfortunately, I feel this is not the correct response to the issue.
In the past year, my parent has lost their spouse (who himself was abusing substances). To make a long story short, I see that this person is suffering and have a very difficult time simply walking away from someone needs support.
This parent has pushed everybody away and only sees fault after the following day of absolute tragedy (police, kids leaving house to find anywhere else to sleep etc). A few days pass and everybody else is once again at fault.
I don't know what to do; I would love to turn away like my siblings did but I can not simply leave a human being who has done a lot for me and who has been through hell to suffer alone, even if I'm getting hurt. I have done a pretty good job at keeping a private life from her, and we hardly close to eachother. We have our moments together, but those good moments are often followed by ridiculous outbursts of pain and suffering due to alcoholism.
I'm overwhelmed. This person is very stubborn and has an argument for everything and a scapegoat for everything. When this person is sober they can be very charming and sweet.
Awful circumstance that only seems to be getting worse; please help. |
addiction | Share your story, help spread hope. Hi everyone, I am currently working on a youtube channel. I plan on posting videos of people sharing their stories. Mainly about the struggles they have gone through in life. How the found hope, or how they're still hanging on. Each journey is different and there is no level to what you have gone through. No one's story is less than another. I am looking to reach out to those who have no hope to show them that even though so many people have gone through awful things they are still here! If you're not comfortable appearing in a video audio can be submitted. Or the story can be typed out to share on the additional blog I will create. I don't want anyone to feel pressured it's only if you're comfortable. I'm reaching out to people who have gone through so many different things. Depression, anxiety, trauma, homelessness, addiction, and so much more. I'd love to hear from you. So, the stories will be posted on youtube. People will be speaking on the stuggles they went through. It can be as personal as they choose. The length of the vido is up to the person telling their story, it can be a few sentences, or and hour long etc. Whatever they are comfortable with. They will send it to a email account i created just for this. No personal information will be shared I won't use names or locations. No identifying factors. They don't have to show their face in the video it can just be audio of them speaking. The goal is to show others that people have gone through awful things but they are still here. It can be a inspirational video speaking about what helped them through, it can be just sharing their story no matter how dark it is. Anyone is welcome to submit a video. The email is. [email protected] |
addiction | I finally asked my husband for help and now I'm afraid I(24f) just came to my husband(25m) for addiction help.
He knows I've used in the past many different drugs, being mostly addicted to pills. If I had nothing I would grab a whip cream can or chug some cough syrup. This is all before I met him in 2015, the year I got clean, aside from some alcohol and very occasional blunt.
I've been "clean" by my terms since 2015 until this last October. I was living alone for a short time. It was a very stressful time due to some major life changes. That's when things went downhill. I became a different person. Irritable, angry, narcissistic even. I started drinking heavily and eventually found some meth from a friend. Never done it before. I was hesitant but I needed something like I needed air. Big mistake but I haven't done it since, thankfully I'm not around it. Soon after I felt so empty and even suicidal(thoughts, no plan to actually do it). Made up for the emptiness with drinking until I got hold of myself again and slowed down.
I realize I go in cycles, while I'm thinking clearly now, next month could be different and I can no longer trust myself.
I finally told my husband this past week about my childhood sexual abuse. Our talk went so well, I felt closer to him and it broke down some major walls.
So tonight I told him about the meth incident. My goal was that I would have someone I can trust to go to who can love and support me and know what's happening. Keep me safe from myself.
Although he said he would be there for me, he wasn't happy(to be expected).. But he said he needed to protect his credit and assets that he had worked for.. like I am a threat to our finances. I got defensive immediately. I felt offended, attacked and vulnerable. I told him this and he got angry at me for not understanding his feelings too. I know he doesn't mean to make me feel this way. He is also afraid and takes the most logical route he can think of. But it felt so demeaning. I'm not really sure how to handle it. I want to keep open communication but now I'm afraid he won't understand and I'll feel worthless and build up more walls again. Maybe this is just something I have to accept and deal with but I don't know how to feel.
Ultimately we ended the subject and agreed to talk about it again later. I really need someone's insight.. I don't think he's in the wrong for feeling this way but it feels too far and I feel really disheartened.
I do want to add he's always been loving, caring and supportive of me no matter what and I feel lucky to be with him.
Edit: I should also mention I asked him for help as well to get into therapy. Thinking clear minded at this moment, I feel it would be best. |
addiction | Not sure if this belongs here but... Hi, I am not sure if this belongs here, but I have come to the conclusion that I am an addict.
Forgive me for posting this here; I realize that I am quite unworthy.
It is sad for me to admit, but I am addicted to food.
Around a month ago, there was an episode that took place where I went on an absolute binge. After eating late in the evening, I proceeded to drive out to the nearest gas station. I bought a jug of chocolate milk and a bag of powdered donuts. I proceeded to inhale the whole thing. It was an odd experience; i—more or less—blacked out during it.
Since this time, I have not been able to stop binging. I have never really had a problem with food or weight, but this episode just set something off in my brain.
For the past month, virtually every night, I have gone out of my way to binge on food—specifically palatable foods high in carbohydrates and sugars.
I have wasted so much time and money, within the past month, on this “food addiction.” It is exhausting; I can’t seem to stop.
My sensual desire for food is isolating me from my family and those around me. I am currently a university student. As a result of this passion/obsession/addiction, I have been unable to focus on anything. I have a good GPA; I fear that my grades will suffer.
My love and empathy for others has withered during this time. It is so bizarre. My thoughts are constantly about food. My life is searing out of control.
I am destroying my body and my soul. I am absolutely addicted to this garbage; I don’t know how to stop.
There is no reason for me to be doing all of this. Nothing traumatic has taken place, as of late. This has happened as a result of my stupid decisions. It’s no one’s fault but my own.
Forgive me my fellow redditors. I just wanted to get something off of my chest, because I really am struggling. Each and every one of you are struggling with things of which I am absolutely unable to comprehend; I do not act as though my problems are on the same scale. Whatever you guys are going through, I am sorry.
You all can overcome whatever you are going through. I want all of you know that I am here for you. Prayers for all |
addiction | I want to relapse so badly :/ I quit hard opiates on Christmas Eve two months ago. I was using heroin, fentanyl+analogues, and U-4 in the last year after a 5+ year pill addiction I started when I had knee surgery. I've made it through the shitty withdrawals by using kratom daily and phenibut a couple times when it got really bad. All I can think about it snorting a huge line of heroin and my skin is crawling. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Luckily, I deleted all of my connects' numbers so I can't get anything. I took 4g of kratom and did some yoga earlier and I'm starting to calm down so I think I'll make it through the day. I'm just so tired of this. How long do these feelings last? Am I looking at a life sentence of coping until I'm not strong enough to say no?
TL;DR: Got through physical withdrawals, now I'm in mental hell. What now? |
addiction | Best Advice you Have I’ve been in a cycle of relapse and sobriety with DXM for almost 5 Years now. I’m in the military and got to my permanent duty station so now I’m hitting the syrup pretty hard.
I started going to 12 step meetings again and I really want to stay sober. Well I mean get sober. Again. I need to because of my job. It can be dangerous doing what I do under the influence.
What coping mechanisms and solutions can you guys offer from your experience with drug addiction? I’m open to any suggestions. I want to prioritize my service again. |
addiction | 5 Habits for Going from Fearful to Self Loving. As a recovering addict with 9 years clean i know that addiction is rooted in fear. Here are 5 Habits I have developed that allow me to turn back to a more loving state
https://mylifeexperiment.blog/2018/01/20/from-fearful-to-self-loving/ |
addiction | I'm an addict I'm addicted to pretty much everything at this point, porn, weed, nicotine (vape), cigarettes, spliffs (cross addiction), MDMA, Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, XTC pills, games, alcohol, fast food /munchies, watching videos
I don't really do other things than that, but I'm planning on going back on the track and live fulfilling and happy life.
I need to find a job, start a school etc. but once I kick the addictions I can do much better as a person overall.
I think I can do that, but I'm feeling too weak to start atm |
addiction | I think once you’re addicted to any drug you never truly get over it. Benzodiazepines being mine. Always there haunting you, lingering in the back of your mind waiting for an opportunity. |
addiction | 28 [F] - have you ever wished you could go back to being an alcoholic so you could easily drunk text your ex? But you're sober now and it's not worth it... you think...
I have.
Do you ever wish you could go back to being an drunk, not because it was a good time in your life, but because you could do dumb and terrible shit and get away with it, or at least have an excuse. Sobriety has been wonderful and it has brought me the best things in life including a great job and a man who loves me. But it's hard to find anyone who understands.
It's like I'm addicted to dangerous things. Addicted to ruining whatever good thing I have going.
If anyone wants to talk me down, I'd appreciate it.
|
addiction | I have a bit of a problem with energy drinks, and in particular Monster. TL;DR: Have a weird dependence on having a can of monster by my side at all times. Destroying my wallet and my chance of dieting.
I always like to pretend like I don't really have an addiction but I drink at least a can of monster a day. I never drink more than 1 can a day, but when I don't have one next to me I just feel like I want it. When I do have it, I'll drink it over the course of 8 hours or so. It just feels weird to go about my day without being able to take a sip. I can get by with other carbonated drinks but I just end up drinking them really quickly and wanting a can of monster. I've had this problem since I was about 15, 4 years. I really want to stop drinking it or at least decrease the volume that I drink, the sugar amounts are insane and I'm pretty sure it's fucked me up hormone wise as I had just started to hit puberty at 15 and I still haven't finished at 19. When I do finish the can and I don't plan to sleep soon I also feel empty but can get by. I know it's not as extreme as a drug addiction but I just really wanted to talk about it.
Edit: just to be clear, I dont think it's the caffeine that's the issue. The other flavours of monster do nothing for me. Just the green one. |
addiction | Is there a limit to how many resources parents should expend trying to get their kid sober and on the right track? Looking for responses from addicts who are kids if parents who have paid for programs and lawyers and things to help, as well as responses from parents of addicts who have continued to shell out the dough, as well as parents who have stopped at some point.
Facing a potentially large legal bill for defense. |
addiction | Feeling helpless about damage done I am a very anxious person, so this may just be me.. but does anyone else feel like they already took too many years off their life and death is going to approach sooner? I can't shake off this feeling. It's like every single day I wake up all I think about is when I'm going to find out my organs are shutting down. Like I said, I struggled with anxiety issues before I even started using. They aren't as bad when I'm high, so I dragged it out a bit in the past. But whenever sober I just constantly think about how life is pretty much meaningless, and one day we'll either forget everything or go to some unknown afterlife (forgive me for sounding emo) , and that just makes me want to get high. I feel like I worry more about dying slightly more than the average person because I abused drugs for so many years. I can't stop stressing that time's going to catch up and I'll find out that I have one of my organs failing, or cancer, or heart problems, etc.. And before anyone asks, yes, I go to a therapist, take the pills I'm prescribed to, all that good shit, but no luck has come out of it. I still feel this feeling of utter hopelessness/doom. The people around me either act like I'm crazy, don't understand, or blame it on drugs (which I already know that using drugs makes problems worse, I don't need the speech). It just makes me feel misunderstood and alone. Any solutions to this problem..? |
addiction | Who can relate on a real, relatable topic? It's no big, dramatic deal but we all as people are caught up with materialism, whether clothing, the logos of fast food places, our teams, our women, looks, music and it gets to realizing everyone is filling a void albeit genuily loving our family, friends, hobbies... Adderall is insane... Dont do drugs |
addiction | My 70 yr old father doctor shopped for opiates I found out from my mother that my father collapsed in the bathroom. 911 was called. He had overdosed on Vicodin. Later more pills were found from numerous doctors for vicodin, norco, percocet, etc. My father thought since it was prescriptions from a doctor, it was all kosher. But he had to have known that it was not right since he had scripts from 5 different doctors! We wanted him to go to rehab but he refused. His response, "I'm not a druggie.". But unfortunately he is, just to legal substances. And I am furious at his main PCP. He wrote him a script for Vicodin for over a year. I had a talk with my father and told him this was wrong and he needed to stop taking them and pursue other pain management options. I think when the doctor finally stopped(without giving him other options!)..he went doctor shopping. I am still struggling to understand addiction. I had major surgery a few years ago and was given a morphine drip. Out of a pain scale of 10, morphine only made my pain an 8. I actually had them remove it because it was ineffective for my pain and made me too itchy. For dental surgery I received vicodin, out of 10 it did bring my pain to a manageable 3 but didn't make me this HUGE fan of opiates. SInce it didn't bring my pain to a zero, heck it didn't even make me feel sleepy so that at least I could sleep through the night, I didn't see the big deal. So I am trying to understand the draw. Trying to understand my how my father, a senior citizen became entranced with opiates. I want to stay compassionate and want to learn the hows and why. And also anyone else out there with senior citizen parents who have/are struggling with addiction? The face of addiction just isn't usually a 70 yr old. This is why my father becoming addicted....shocked me. |
addiction | Scott's Addiction Experiences – Alcohol addiction, hopes and fears. My personal blog of my battle with Alcohol on Wordpress. A completely honest account of my experience. please follow the link or alternatively i can post on here the various parts i have wrote so far.
https://alcoholaddictionandrecovery.wordpress.com |
addiction | Finally beating it. FINALLY. Just one problem... I have been an opioid addict for around 9 years, heavily. I finally decided to quit (again) and im making huge progress. My only real problem is that im an severely depressed and have Absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. How do i combat this? Have i really depleted my serotonin stores that badly? How can I reverse it?
I quit cold turkey, btw. I have been on suboxone/subutex before and it just wasn't working for me. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. |
addiction | Trying to cut my addiction to a certain website, and experiencing pain? Like, my head hurts, I so desperately want to check the website but I'm refraining. After I make this post and browse the web for 30 more minutes, I'm going to do some work for class.
Anyway, dos anyone else go through this when trying to wane themselves off their addictive thing? |
addiction | Certain levels of addictions For about many years I've been surrounded by people I know and love and people I've grown with and shared things with and in this past days I can't help noticing a lot of my friends; family and loved ones have been falling into addictions but not as in like ilegal use of drugs(still I've known people who had) but an unhealthy use and practice about activities; this activities are related from unnecessary use of money; abuse of alcohol; the excessive use of cigarettes or even the desperate need of popularity and attention and how far they've come to abuse this
A lot of themes will be touched around this page that I've been doing a personal research from this theme for example
-emotional intelligence
-certain level of severity
-the knowledge and recognition of an addiction
-how to handle them
-how it works
-several consequences about the involvement into addiction:
Economic
Social
Health
And I hope you read more into my subreddit so we can learn more |
addiction | My Fiance and love of my life overdoses last Monday.. I am absolutely destroyed and the thought of just putting myself to sleep has crossed my mind more than once. I don't know where my else to turn. My soil and heart are completely shattered and Ive lost all hope and will to live..
As said in the title, my amazing woman overdosed and passed away last Monday leaving me and our 4 month old son behind. Our son is with her mom and on top of losing my everything the entire family blames me for her death. They won't let me see my son and probably never will. I don't know what to do. I want to die so bad... |
addiction | I am meeting with my brother tomorrow after I found out a couple months ago he is addicted to meth. His girlfriend left him and took their child after many failed attempts of begging him to get clean. A friend of his girlfriend messaged me tonight saying she is worried for his well being and that he has brought up suicide. He’s gotten clean before from being in jail for 30 days, so I have a glimmer of hope that maybe he can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Obviously HE has to want to get clean, but I’m just wondering if I could get some pointers from anyone here as to how to approach the topic with him. He has a very hopeless attitude and I believe his deeply rooted issues stem from a major lack of self worth. I want to be encouraging but not come across as the sister who everything is so easy for and that does everything perfectly because that’s how he’s always viewed me. Please help!! |
addiction | I Don't know what to do I'm currently in recovery after a long time using opiates, stims, benzos, my worst was amphetamines, i loved needles. I'm currently a year and a bit sober apart from weed but even that is once every six months and usually not even a full bowl. My boyfriend has never had an issue with any addiction, and he was the one to pull me out of mine and keep me motivated. But the issue is that he uses psychedelics and grows/smokes quite a lot of weed. Last year he took acid twice in a two month time period and didn't tell me until a year later in case it triggered something for me which was rough, he plans to do more in the future and hes only getting into heavier use of cannabis, to the point that it was daily for months but he refused to tell me about it.
i guess being sober and being with someone who isn't. it's just really rough for me and it leaves me feeling torn. i feel it'd be too hypocritical if i said something.
i just need to know whether i'm being crazy and controlling or whether my feelings are somewhat validated, i need an honest outsiders perspective |
addiction | Looking for a group for healing from second hand addiction. Hi. Im not sure this is the right place, but I am the ex of an opiate addict. It’s ongoing. Has been for about 4 years. If not longer. It’s been a rollercoaster, and I’m just looking for people to talk to. We are actively involved as we share kids, but I have to do my best to protect them. He’s not allowed to take them, or be alone with them because of past incidents. And, even though we’ve been separated for 3 years, this addiction is just as big a part of our lives as it is his. Just looking to rant, or connect, or find helpful advice. Anything really. TIA! |
addiction | I'm a Shopaholic Mainly online. I spend, spend, spend, on eBay, Amazon, Etsy, you name it. I'd estimate I've spent $300 on various wish list items on those sites in the last two weeks. Bad move, because I'm going to have to scrape by hard for a while.
I've had this addiction for years. The hunt for that item seems to fill a void, seems to bring some excitement to my life. I go out to eat, too, seversl times a week, to fulfill another addiction to eating. The restaurant excursions add up. Then reality hits, and I've been lucky not to have many overdrafts in the last year and a half (since buying my house), but I'm nervous after doing a little math today.
I'm so angry at myself. I could have a fairly comfortable life if I watched my pennies and didn't engage in this behavior. I just feel stupid, and degraded. I need to seriously look at getting help, and i'm going to do a bit of web searching to see what I find.
This is my first time posting here. I feel silly and vulnerable, and hope it's okay I'm wrotong this. I admit it, I have a problem with spending. I'm sure I'm not alone. I needed to vent my anger and fear. Anyone else have this addiction?
As an aside, I see most of the posts here are about addiction to drugs and alcohol. Sorry if I'm in the wrong subreddit. |
addiction | I told myself as I lay in bed yesterday that if I used the substance today, I'd have to confess my addiction. So here I go. The substance is modafinil. The study drug that keeps you awake and alert. That comes in discrete packaging from India, and is great for the whole first month or two.
Being a prescription drug, my usage is technically an abuse from the first pill on. I also exceed daily recommended doses for narcoleptic people. I take it every day.
I want to tell you about the drawbacks: as mentioned, it does make you alert and it certainly also inherits memory and mood enhancing properties. But the by-far-worst side effect is that my heart doesn't feel alright. Palpitations and a general pressure in the heart region is scaring the shit out of me. Then it goes away, and I repeat. Because in the beginning it didn't happen, so that's what I tell myself.
Second, social exclusion. I gain confidence, and my somewhat dismissive attachment personality gets dramatically exaggerated. Resulting in isolation and depression.
Third, sleep deprivation. Needs no further explanation. It keeps me the fuck awake, for hours.
I'm in a high pressure situation at school, but the problem is that the mood enhancement it offers also takes away any stress related feelings I might have. So I don't get the work done either.
I've recently spent a week in my room without seeing other people, although I found that to be a good reflection period. I think it led to this.
Hopefully, by posting this confession, I'll be able to see it in a new light as what it actually is. The first step is taken, now the hard work begins. Thank you for reading and making it real. |
addiction | New here, my addictions have ruled my life. Between tabbacco, marijuana and most recent 7 years ago alcohol, I've lived a life of dependantcy and impulsivness. I've seeked counciling and i dont apply what ive been told. i began using when i was 15, and soon after I became dependant, going absolutely nuts going with out, I have a great deal of anger sadness and issues but I'm also manic don't care for any meds I've been prescribed I'm nearly 31 a trainwreck from hell I once quit marijuana for a only 4 months when i was 23 but I was angry, irritable and depressed. I've never figured out how to overcome any of this I been told to let go and forgive. I never figured out how to live a happy sober life. Also I'm sure I'm ment to figure it out on my own but after one day of detoxing from.marijjana and my flaring temper I looked up this subbredit searching for advice and anything anyone here could offer me. The hardest thing it's believing in myself which is my greatest weakness. I need help. |
addiction | Discord Server https://discord.gg/fEf5nMY
Sup dudes(ses)
Just created a discord server, feel free to join.
I'm personally not too active, but I definitely will try my best to be.
Cya there :D
PS: If you like the server, please do spread the word for other people to join. Will be very much appreciated.
Thanks!
- Deva |
addiction | Post treatment and I’m back to Xannax Iv been struggling with 3 friends ODing, and didn’t reach out for help. I’m worried as the last couples weeks I got 15 2mg xannax and they were gone within 9 days, i know it’s shameful but I guess I just went back to my old ways. I’m really unsure what to do right now as I’m all over the place and mentally obsessing about these bars. I got more bars and I want to take them tomorrow, but what should I do? Taper my self down?
My ex girlfriend has been contacting me regarding all of this and it’s bringing up old feelings that just make me feel super lost and depressed so that’s when it started. I don’t want to go through detox if it isn’t that bad I’m just in the state of getting my bars stocking up but I know that’s my addiction speaking. Any advice or help on this would be appreciated. |
addiction | Addiction to Clonidine? Last week I was given my prescription of clonidine which was dosed to two .1mg a day. In that week, I've averaged almost 8 a day and I've almost run out. It was diagnosed for anxiety and things have been very stressful, but I've realized at this point that I've just been chasing the high. I'm freaked out, because clearly I'm addicted to a significant level, and, now that I'm almost out, I'm freaking out on top of that because withdrawal from this is dangerous and cold turkey is very much not recommended.
I'm not really sure what to do. Is going into detox an overreaction? Have I been taking enough to where that's necessary? I was thinking I'd taper off with the last 6 I have, two a day. I'm just afraid that won't be enough.
Advice?
Edit: just want to add that prior to this I'd been taking my clonidine mostly as prescribed, with one or two additionally on occasion. This is the first time it's gotten this excessive. |
addiction | Porn addiction How addictive do you think it is? |
addiction | Addiction Survey Hi! I'm a student writing a paper on the psychology of addiction. In order to flesh out the paper, I created a short survey so that I can hear about people's experiences with addiction. It would be a great help if anyone answers it. You can find the survey [here.](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/B678M8R)
Thank you! |
addiction | Life rules for living with a marijuana addict. Hey everyone
My friend was just telling me about her relationship dynamic with her new boyfriend and it really surprised me.
Essentially he’s been a long time pot smoker. He’s a good worker and it’s never affected his work. He and his friends smoke a lot of it. She isn’t big into cannabis but will take a puff once in a while. She doesn’t love it, but her boyfriend expects her to be kind when they have guests over.
They nearly broke up because he hid when he was smoking all the time, he hid it out of fear she’d judge him.
She tells me she’s always loved him but they needed to establish some boundaries around their lifestyle. For example, they have a special man shed outside that’s well ventilated, he and his friends smoke there. He showers before coming to bed, he engages in no other opiates, narcotics or illegal substances (I should state marijuana is legal in their state), she isn’t to turn her nose up at his habit or friends, she drives whenever he is under the influence. She has kids from a previous marriage, they’ve told the kids it’s for medical purposes. He eats healthily and he takes care of himself otherwise.
At first, I thought her a total enabler. Then I wondered how many couples in North America live like this already. If you give a man an inch, won’t he take a mile? Or do you build a measured safe haven, with freedoms, and encourage healthy living like exercise and diet?
I know so little about addiction so I’m unsure. |
addiction | A Darker Love So I fell for an addict, she’s 18 been hooked on heroin for 4 years. She’ll be going to rehab a 3rd time to get clean. She’s depressed, she’s lost a lot of people in her life from overdose, and she’s unhealthily skinny, yet I still find myself drawn to her. Most people in my life don’t approve of her saying I can do better, but what does it mean to truly be better? Everyone has adversities in their lives, what separates a girl like her from a girl that sits next to me working on her 4 year degree? Should her addiction really be reason for me to ditch the girl and “find better”? Should I stay the course and possibly aid in her sobriety and help her flourish? |
addiction | Quite cool video on porn addiction and the book 'Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson' Most people on here most likely already know porn addiction and have probably read 'Your Brain On Porn' by Gary Wilson but I think it's always nice to have a quick article or video as a refresher - here is a vid summary of the topic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKiXUcB2DwM |
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